#feeling better now tho back to work on monday for sure | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr.com is the 103rd most visited website in the world.

#feeling better now tho back to work on monday for sure

eddiessluttywaist · 1 year

Text

as if (part 3)

AGELESS/BLANK/UNDER 18 BLOGS ARE NOT WELCOME TO INTERACT. PLEASE RESPECT MY RULES AND BOUNDARIES

summary: reader isn’t keen to playing the usual games between her and eddie after how she felt sunday night, and eddie can’t stand losing her attention. PICK WHAT ENDING YOU WANT AFTER.

pairing: bully!mean!perv!eddie munson x perv!fem reader

word count: 8,704 words (9,272 total words with the fluffy ending, 9,516 total words with the angsty ending)

content/warnings: swearing, SMUT MDNI (y/n is 18), bully!eddie, mean!eddie, perv!eddie, bully kink (?), dominating, breeding kink, mocking, teasing, biting, dacryphilia, groping, pet names (doll face, princess), degradation, some embarrassment, yearning, menophilia, angst :(((, feelings :(((, fluff(what? who said that?). i think that’s all pls tell me if i miss anything!

a/n: thank you for all the love :( i’m truly so surprised and grateful and just super flattered so thank you!! i hope i didn’t fuck this up by giving it crap endings sobs. i saw some were interested in a bit of a better look into eddie’s thoughts/feelings so i hope those lil parts are good! i’m considering the occasional blurb in the future about them tho so 👀 OH ALSO!! the past week or so tumblr had a bug on their app that cut off the ends of my posts >:( so I’d appreciate it if you could look back to double check you caught the full ending so you get the proper experience! okay i’m shutting up now!

part one - part two

You weren’t as responsive to his teasing that Monday…or, well… just about the rest of the school week so far, for that matter. You blamed your mood drop on his indifference, and the cramping that you assumed was only from this weekend. You had been sure it was just your cervix making its opinions on Eddie known, but then—after your second sugar pill of the week—you got your period Wednesday night. This culprit seemingly just as likely for that aching in your lower abdomen and back. It was welcome evidence that your birth control was working, but the appreciation for its presence didn’t last long with all the cramping and the bleeding. You hated getting your period, no matter how many older women reminded you of your “connection to Mother Nature” and “the beauty of the womb.” It’s messy and painful and almost always broke out your face.

So no you aren’t playing Eddie’s usual games—instead going silent on him or answering in an empty murmur. Part of you worries it’s going to all build up to one particularly heinous act, but he surprisingly didn’t get worse. He only bothered you with the same old stuff more frequently. By Thursday he’s pestering you constantly with his teasing, and his grabbing, and honestly? Just about every trick in his sick little book which were usually tastefully sprinkled throughout the week.

“So you’re not talking to me? Playing hard to get or somethin’?” He whispers from behind you in the lunch line. You grab a saran-wrapped cookie and put it on your tray.

“What? You on your rag or something?” Eddie scoffs in response to your ever freezing cold shoulder. He’s out in the tundra these past couple of days. You make a face and continue moving through the line.

“Come on… don’t fuck me and forget me, babe. You’ll break this ol’ cynic’s heart and I’ll never recover.” He teases with a wide smile, hand placed over his heart before it drops to settle on the small of your back and gradually travel down to cup your ass. He’s pleasantly surprised that you’re not gently nudging him away like you had the last time he attempted his usual lunchtime groping, but something feels different. He glances down as he flips up your skirt only to reveal small shorts in the same pattern of your dark, plaid skirt. Your worst nightmare is bleeding through a light-colored pair of pants or skirt, so you always wear darker clothes on your period, and you trade skirts for skorts in favor of the added coverage.

“What the fuck is this shit?” He scowls, tugging at one leg of the shorts.

“It’s called a skort. We’ve had this conversation before.” You sigh, thanking the lunch lady as she hands you your tray and eyes the metalhead trailing behind you.

She thinks he resembles an abandoned puppy who grew mean and practiced his bite and his bark just to follow after you with his tail between his legs. If she had any genuine interest in connecting with the student body she fed 5 days out of the week, she might’ve made a playful joke about you having him whipped. But she didn’t care that much.

“I don’t think we have.” He grins, wondering if you even noticed you let yourself talk to him.

“You do it every time I’m on-“ You catch yourself almost admitting you were on your period, which would certainly only pull new harassment from him, so you pretend to correct a simple mistake. “In. Every time I’m in a skort.”

He hums disapprovingly.

“Yeah, well… I…” He trails off as you simply walk away from him to your usual spot in the cafeteria. You don’t bother to stay at his table you two reached just for him to finish making some crude joke before ultimately shooing you away anyway. “Okay… or be a bitch.”

He grumbles that last bit, landing into his usual spot at the head of the table. A few of the other Hellfire members are still staring even when he clearly takes notice.

“Can I help you?” He snaps, everyone who had been staring immediately looking down at their food. He huffs, adjusting his position in the chair to get more comfortable and lets his gaze move over to your table. You’re sat so pretty it’s like your image could actually advertise such a crappy plastic chair. The way your ankles are crossed underneath you, book cracked open on the table with all of your attention on it as you sat with your body leaned into the table. Your food was hardly touched due to a pang of nausea that he was completely unaware of.

“You know if you like her maybe you shouldn’t pick on her so much.”

Eddie grimaces at the comment that’s—in his opinion—beyond a disregard for his rank at this table, icy glare on the curly haired freshman. There are panicked faces and soft muttering around the table showing he isn’t the only one taken aback by this.

“I…” the boy falters, putting the spoonful of pudding he’s about to eat back down. “I just mean if… if you like her. I dunno… you’re kinda mean to her, Eddie.”

He eats his scoop of pudding now, his bold words inspiring the wiry one that always sits next to him. Eddie’s burning glance flits over to him now that he’s speaking, his expression remaining unimpressed with etches of frustration in the shadows of his facial features.

“Yeah, which is actually totally weird cause you’re not like that at all.” The brunet speaks in a rapid ramble like usual. “Like, you took me and Dustin and Lucas under your wing cause we were new and weird and alone and stuff like that—no, I know Lucas has been ditching Hellfire for the jocks, but anyway— you’re always talking back to those asshole jocks—which is totally cool—so I don’t get why you’re not like that with her.”

“I’m sorry, I must be confused.” The man spoke with sarcastic interest, a sinister smile breaking out onto his face. “Are you two talking to me? About something that is, quite frankly, none of your business?”

The two boys look at each other, the nerves shared between them tangible. Eddie raises a brow and tilts his head when they face him again. Still silence. Mike swallows anxiously.

“Well?” He sneers, flicking some of his trail mix at them.

“Sorry, Eddie…” They say in unison as he chews slowly, staring them down. He rolls his eyes as his body slowly relaxes again in his spot and he glances at you again. You were at least breaking off pieces of your cookie now, still reading your book.

“She’s not new or weird or alone anyways. She’s always with the smart kids.” He states, before holding up a hand as his gaze returns to the pair. “Not that I’m inviting you two shitheads to stick your noses in my business.”

The freshmen, along with a few others at the table shift to look over at you. You’re still engrossed in whatever you’re reading and you looked miserable, even if you were enjoying a good book. You look tired.

“Dude, literally no one is interacting with her. There’re the Jacobson twins talking at one end—probably still fighting over what’s the right answer to the equation from algebra class (it’s zero, by the way). Then there’s Richie and Greg from advanced calculus. Some people I don’t know…” Dustin mutters that last part before continuing, “And yes technically speaking there are a few girls sitting with her, but they’re not even talking. They probably don’t even know her.“

Eddie stares him down, the conversation still on you burning away at something inside him. He doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t want to talk about you or how lonely you look. He doesn’t want to talk about inviting you over. And he certainly doesn’t want to talk about how mean he is to you, cause he has no interest in trying to break down the intricacies of the crossover between bullying you and fucking you. Especially to freshmen.

“Just saying.” Dustin finally sighs in defeat, clearly getting no response from the DM sat at the head of the table. “But seriously, tugging on a girl’s pigtails cause you like her is completely grade school.”

Eddie had figured that having sex would change things between you two, but he imagined it changing for the better. Things like fucking you in the janitor’s closet or in the back of his van in the parking lot. Feeling you up between classes. Being so fucking mean to you all day until you were all wet and needy for him by the time that final bell rang.

He certainly didn’t imagine this.

At the start of the school week, Eddie didn’t entirely notice your lack of participation. Just that something felt… off-kilter in your interactions. It had been on Tuesday night that he realized nothing felt right because you weren’t glaring at him or shoving him away or pouting up at him. You didn’t even turn your head when an object was flicked at you, you just kept your eyes on the chalkboard.

Now he isn’t particularly well known for his critical thinking with… well… anything other than music, DND, and—subsequently—the math that came along with both hobbies. And, of course, selling drugs. So it’s somewhat understandable that poor Eds didn’t even realize what caused the imbalance for a whole day or two. Once he realized it though, it only frustrated him further. It irritated him that you weren’t playing the game, and it irritated him that it bothered him so much in the first place.

Why aren’t you snapping back at him? Why are you ignoring him, and if you even do look over: why was it always with a sad glance? Why, when he toyed with your skirt on Monday did you tilt your head to the side and quietly ask him to please leave you alone? When he saw you first thing Monday morning with circles under your eyes that were barely disguised by drug store concealer; Why, when he leaned into you as he passed you in the hall with a quiet “Something keep you up last night?” Did you only give him a passing glance with lips pressed together in what might’ve been an attempt at a small smile just to fall flat with that dull look in your eyes.

Being how he is, his game plan had been to keep bugging you constantly. Wear you down until you were finally glaring or giggling or whining, and everything could be back to the way it was. Maybe you were just suddenly playing hard to get. Being a teasing brat who would eventually have a smirk sneak out so he knew you were toying with him, and he could make you pay for it later. That smirk never quirked up your lip though. You were still such a rainy cloud drifting through the school.

The little twerp got to him at lunch today, too. He wonders now if maybe you were sick of the way he acted, and realized you want deserve someone a little less inclined to pigtail-tugging and a little more open and romantic. But why now? He thought you enjoyed it all. That’s why he wasn’t expelled already. That’s why you fucked him and called him for more. Right? Sitting in his van instead of attending the last class of the day, Eddie rubs his hands over his face and lets out a frustrated groan. He feels something crucial missing in him at the fact that he’d rather pull teeth than drop down his smug and playful demeanor even for a second and show you that he’s yours.

He noticed you were pretty when you were a sophomore, but not much else. Now in your senior year with him, god—you aren’t even pretty. You’re fucking devastating, and he knows his methods of showing affection aren’t something that will stand the test of time. You’ll grow tired and fuck it, he’d be living up to that Munson name if he has to see you with someone else—probably wind up serving time right alongside Pops after leaving some guy in the hospital. So maybe there were tweaks to be had. Even if he’s bitter and reluctant about it. (And did I mention bitter?)

Eddie pulls his hands away from his face at the faint sound of a bell, letting the side of his head fall against the window with a solid thunk as he awaits the crowds of students rushing out of the school.

You’re passing by others on your way out of the building, just as relieved as everyone else to be going home for the day—not that your excitement showed. It’s more of a calm relief to be heading to your room again than everyone else’s bubbly enthusiasm to make plans for the rest of the day. (When they should be getting their assignments done after all it’s not Friday yet, you think, but maybe that’s just because you evidently have no life.)

Making your way through the parking lot, a loud horn makes you jump. Your eyes wild and your heart up in your throat, you look around until you spot Eddie laying on his horn with his tongue partially sticking out off to the side. He lets up the second you lock eyes and laughs.

“Need a ride? Gotta couple of good options.”

You huff, trying to ignore his filthy innuendo and shake your head. He groans, settling his head back against the head rest of his seat while you start walking away.

“What the fuck is your problem? Jesus fucking Christ!”

You keep walking, hearing his car door open and the sound of his sneakers on the pavement. His car buzzes irritably at its door being left open while running, but he doesn’t care. You’re sure he doesn’t care about anything, really. He rests a hand on your shoulder to turn you around.

“’m just not in the mood, Eddie.” You snap the second you’re facing him.

But you’re always in the mood, he wants to argue as if that made a difference right now. He lets out a long breath that puffs out his lips as he decompresses, arm bent up to rub his hand on the back of his neck. It’s evident that he’s not used to this, and doesn’t have a clue how to go about it. You eye him in that moment, waiting for him. Waiting for something that made that ache in your chest dissipate and the hole it leaves be filled with a light warmth. Then you’re ready to give up on waiting for something that clearly wasn’t going to happen when he suddenly dips down and drapes you over his shoulder all in one fluid motion.

“I- Eddie-!“

“I- Eddie- I-” He mimics, clearly out of habit and opens the back door to his van to plop you right on top of a random cushion nestled inside. It looks like it’s just a single couch cushion and you wonder where he got only one. Is it from an old couch that was getting tossed anyways? Did he steal it? Who steals a singular couch cushion from the seat of a sofa? And what was that stain on the corner? You’re shifting away from it as he climbs in after you, the tip of his tongue peeking out of the corner of his lips again until the door is shut and he’s settled against it with a sigh.

“Yoo-hoo.”

“What?”

He scratches his jaw as he looks over at you then points at the stain you were avoiding.

“Yoo-hoo. The drink. That’s what the stain is from.”

“Oh… okay.”

Eddie lets out a heavy sigh, his eyes going wide as he fights the urge to roll them while he stares up at the ceiling of his vehicle, and then he finally speaks up again.

“Why are you being all…” He gestures his hands out in a odd way, flopping them a bit before settling them on his legs again. He sighs, tilting his head down and looking over at you again. “I don’t fucking know… you’re not being fun this week.”

Your nostrils flare and your brow creases with a pulse of rage at his words.

“Oh I’m so sorry that I’m not playing your game, Eddie. For your information, yes—as you said so elegantly before— I’m ‘on my rag’ and don’t exactly feel like dealing with you.”

Despite the tone you’re taking with him, a grin is pulling at his face and a few laughs bubble from his chest that were almost like little amused giggles. God, he missed getting you all worked up.

“What? Never got it before?” He suddenly questions.

“I- What?”

He snickers.

“Your rag. The crimson tide. Never ridden the cotton pony before?” He’s having too much fun with this and your face is getting all hot.

“Cause I kinda doubt it. Y’know…” he gestures to your form, “The idea that you haven’t gone through puberty yet sounds fake to me, sweetheart.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well you’ve never acted like this before so unless this is your first week of Carrie...” He hisses an inhale through his teeth.

“My condolences, but look at it this way: You’re finally a woma- hey!” He’s laughing until he’s dodging the random work boot you toss at him—the sight of him scooting away from the projectile actually getting a giggle from you.

“Those ‘r for the garage, doll. Heavy duty shit, can’t be throwing those.” He chastises as he waves the shoe at you, but there’s a weight that’s lifting from him. He got you to just sit and talk to him, and even made you laugh. Even if you’re biting the inside of your cheek now to try and refrain from giving him the satisfaction of your smile. How are things like this right now? Shouldn’t he be bending you over his knee for not acting the way he wanted you to? Shouldn’t he be angry? Shouldn’t he be making you cry?

“I’ve gotten my period before.” You state simply. Eddie puts the boot down, dropping his head back against the interior of his van as he looks at you expectantly.

“Then what? What’s with the bitching and the ignoring and the crybaby shit?” He asks bluntly, making your brow furrow again.

“And not even the good crybaby shit,” he continues in a softer tone as he makes his way over to you, “Where’s my pouty girl, huh? Where’s my brat?”

My. My. It’s making your head swirl, his words and proximity putting up a good fight against this latest impulse to be cold to him. He’s settled in front of you and pulling you forward by your hips.

“Don’t wanna talk about it…” You murmur because he should know. He should’ve automatically known the second he left your room that he fucked up when he didn’t kiss you.

“No? Do I gotta bully it out of you, baby? Should I keep up with what I’ve been doing or are you gonna keep pissing me off with that silent treatment shit if I do?”

Watching your expression, his hands settled on your hips start to massage his fingertips in small circles against your lower back. A sigh falls from your lips before you can even stop it, melting from his touch. He’s massaging that spot that’s been tied up in knots the past couple of days, and taking care of it perfectly. Just when you think he’s suddenly a completely different person he stops the movements entirely. That familiar pout that he loves pulls at your lower lip, clearly disappointed by the loss of his kneading.

“Gonna tell me?” He coos, tilting his head.

Your lips part then close again, faltering on if you should just tell him. He mimics the motion then your pout before grinning at you again. You stay quiet, a new conflict arising inside your head. Should you just tell him and move forward? Should you let him suffer until he figures it out? He deserves to suffer in your book, but who knows how long it would take for him to realize. The man has failed his senior year twice already.

“No? Okay, doll.” He’s separating himself from you now, moving to a corner of his van to start digging through some random stacks and piles there.

He’s going on about how he’d help if he could, but he guessed that won’t happen now. How if only you’d cut lil’ ol’ him a break. His theatrical and bitter words are coated in a soft tone and playful, exaggerated sighs. He’s having all the fun in the world trying to tease you until you just sigh and admit whatever your major malfunction is. It’s lighthearted in comparison to his usual teasing, but even this starts bringing the tears forward.

You hate that he doesn’t know. That it clearly didn’t mean enough for him to notice. You hate that he pulls you in all smooth and sweet to get you intoxicated on him just for him to laugh over it and leave you alone again. You hate how he’s suddenly making you feel cared for just for him to go away again cause he isn’t getting what he wants. Now you’re desperately trying to hide the fact that you’re crying as all of your feelings and aches and pains of this week rush through you.

Sure, he’s seen you cry before but it was never like this. It was teary eyes from frustration or, recently, the occasional sob from how good he made you feel. It’s never been breaking down after a hard week. It’s never sobbing because after all this time the two of you finally cracked, and you’re scared you’re the only one increasingly enchanted every passing second since that first kiss. It was never hiccuping sobs that you were doing your best to push down. Your face is burning, your sight blurry even though tears kept rolling down your cheeks. It’s like there’s a never ending supply to stream down your face and still keep your vision bleary.

“Jus’ sayin’ we could be doing something way more fun right no…w…” He trails off once he finally looks over at you.

He’s holding an unopened pack of cigarettes he had been looking for in his typical mess and pulling out his lighter, but now all his focus is on the way you’re sniffling and shaking. You’re still sat on that cushion, knees up and a hand settled over your mouth with your head turned away from him. A heart-wrenching sob just barely sneaks its way out before you choke it back down. Little huffs are escaping you in a desperate attempt to breathe without letting your need to wail break free. It feels like your lungs are on fire.

“Y/N…” Eddie says in a tender voice that you didn’t think he was even capable of. You shake your head.

“Y/n c’mon…” He tries again with a small, nervous laugh. Nervous you were serious. Nervous that he really made you so upset. Nervous to really show that he cares if he did.

“It’s okay, really-“ Your voice is higher than usual, another heavy breath puffing out before you try to drag it in again just to end up whimpering as another wave of sadness comes over you and you’re too overwhelmed to hold it in. You stay facing away from him as you cry and hiccup, trying to get it back under control.

“I just- it’s stupid, it’s n-ot that big of a deal.”

For Eddie, making you cry is all about the glossy eyes and pouty lips as you stare up at him defiantly or a sign that you need him to quit playing games and fuck you. It’s never been this… brutal. Panic continues to rise in his system, and he’s unsure of how to handle the situation. Once upon a time, he thought he treated you the way that he did because some sadistic part of him liked to always make you hurt, but it was becoming evident that he just liked the play. The banter. The shoving and the glaring and pouting and the wandering eyes. When he acted the way he always did and you didn’t respond or did so in a quiet plea for him to really stop or really cried—it made his stomach clench. The more he tried to keep it up this week the more he realized that when you weren’t playing along he just… he was just mean. Really mean. Not “you’re so awful, just fuck me already” mean, but “you’re making me miserable” mean. And fuck if he didn’t hate the way that felt.

“Is it really that bad?” He murmurs, partially surprised by his own voice when it sounded this gentle. The thin plastic around his cigarettes crinkle under his nervous hands. And he thought he needed a smoke before. “Did I hurt you? Or-or somethin’? Do you need to go to a doctor?”

“No.” You weep, still refusing to look at him and it’s killing him even if a part of him knows he would crumble if he sees how you look right now. God, he hated this. The vulnerability of caring openly and to this extent, but what else could he do? Double down on his usual behavior and kick you while you were already so down you might as well have been sinking into the pavement?

“Y/N, please-“ He tries again and you crack completely.

“It’s just not fair because I thought I wanted this, but it’s to-oo hard. You don’t care enough to stick around. Y-You don’t check in with me. You’ve pushed me around for the past two years and I’m an idiot who thought it was all lighthe-hearted deep down, a-and that you wanted me too.”

You break down into tears again until you put yourself back together just enough so it’s only the constant sniffling and your voice trembling that’s interrupting you. All Eddie can do is stare at you with big brown eyes like saucers while you babble, his brow frowning as he anxiously picks at his fingernails and the skin around them.

“A-And of course I got my fucking period cause why wouldn’t I? Cause why would I catch a break? N-N my body aches and I’m so tired and you… you couldn’t… you didn’t…”

“What?” He’s shuffling a bit closer now, lowering his face like he always did to catch your attention. He was right that seeing your face like this would cave him in, and he wishes he could be dropped into a black hole. He knew he deserved it. At the sight of your current state, he was pulling that smoke he already had his fingertips on and placing it between his lips. He lights it and inhales deeply before letting his hand drop down, cig between his fore and middle fingers, ring finger toying with a tear in his jeans.

“You…” You let out a breath before dropping your gaze to your hands in your lap, tears still slipping down your cheeks and over your jaw to wet your neck and dampen the collar of your top or drop down and land on that skort he hated. “You wouldn’t even kiss me on Sunday…”

You sound horribly deflated at the admission, and his eyes flicker all over your features before the smallest twitches of the corners of his lips start to tug them up even though his eyes hold a sad sort of infatuation within them.

“You kissed me on Friday, but not once on Sunday. And you didn’t even seem to care…” You mumble, glancing over at him once and then twice when you notice the curve of his lips. Your eyes burn with a potential for new tears. “Are you fucking smiling?”

“No—no, well, yeah. Not like that.” He huffs out an anxious laugh. “I just… you ignored me… cause I didn’t give you a kiss..?”

You scoff, lips parted and gaze furious. He is unbelievable.

“Among other things! I-I… ugh! You’re infuriating!” You announce and his brows shoot up, grin widening with interest and he brings his cigarette back to his lips.

“You… you make fun of me constantly. You fuck me and finish in me and don’t even spend time with me after. The least you can do is kiss me. Or… or…” You huff, which was becoming a theme today.

He can’t help but find you cute when you’re angry. You remind him of that temperamental pixie in that old animated Peter Pan film from the ‘50s. He used to babysit a young girl in the trailer park who watched it constantly (much to his chagrin).

“Or you don’t get to have me anymore.” You conclude, and he just keeps staring at you with wild eyes as he smokes.

Your anxieties peak and a voice in your head is screaming to get out of the damn van, even when he’s just casually puffing on a cigarette without a hint of irritation on his face. Eddie lets the cig stick to his bottom lip as his hands find your form to pull you closer to him. His right hand raises to place the smoke between his middle and forefinger, and remove it from his lips. His left hand moves to hook his thumb on your lower lip and part your mouth for him to plant an open-mouthed kiss on you as his smoke floats around you and in your mouth, his tongue hot on yours. The pamphlets your parents gave you about the dangers of cigarettes popped up in your mind as his smoke fills you. The statistics and pictures of smoker lungs mean nothing to you as he kisses you like this.

You’re more than just warming up to the smell you usually couldn’t stand, and you find yourself back where you were on Friday. Willing to take whatever he gives you. As long as he kept kissing you like this. As long as he kisses you like he plans on making you his wife while he fucks you like he’s your high school bully. The kiss is all tongues and muffled moans, your arms wrapping around his neck. You chase after his lips when he finally starts pulling away. An involuntary whimper slid from you as you look at him with heavy eyelids.

“If you want something…” He trails off in a whisper, keeping his half-lidded eyes on you even as he reaches over to tap off ash into a cheap plastic tray. His thumb and pointer finger pinch your chin to keep your focus on him. “You ask, okay? Pretty standard rules, princess.”

“But…”

“But now,” He cuts you off with a soft sigh, head tilting as he looks at you. The eye contact is becoming so intense it’s burning through you. “Now I know this is important for you, ‘kay?”

You’re surprised by this. Honestly you’re shocked by every kindness and touch of patience he provided you today. You would have never guessed Eddie Munson is even capable of such a thing. You nod with your gaze retreating downwards, toying with your hands and he chases after your stare with a tilt of his head to try and get you to look at him again, brows raised up.

“Doll?”

You wipe at the cooling streaks of tears on one cheek with your shoulder then finally look up again, and nod with more confidence this time.

“And…” He looks almost like he’s in pain for a moment before he finally continues “‘m sorry, okay?”

“…Really?” You murmur, eyes wide with shock.

“Yeah.” He huffs out a laugh. “Don’t act so surprised. I’m capable of an apology, given the right circumstances.”

You eye him, silent with hesitation and shock.

“‘N the right girl.” He murmurs with a soft voice even though he had that shit-eating grin on his face. Why is it always so charming? It’s smug and teasing, but always so endearing.

You don’t know what else to do so you just kiss him. You pull him in by his shoulders and kiss him. You kiss him like you could devour him, body and soul. His arms circle around your waist after leaving that partly-smoked cigarette in the cheap ash tray and drags you closer all while kissing you back. He’s leaning down to place you on the scratchy carpeting and hover over you. Any break for air is short-lived before you’re back on each other. Your hands tangle in the messy curls draping around your head, tugging to pull a groan from him.

“Fuck…” He sighs into the kiss, dropping his body down to put more of his weight on you. He parts from your lips despite your whiny protests and presses kisses and nips to your jaw as he works his way to your neck. His arms unfurl from around your waist so his hands can settle on your hips and let his thumbs massage into your skin. You’re pawing at his vest as he works on leaving a love bite on your pulse point below your ear, and—surprisingly—he moves away to shake the jacket-vest combo off and drop it beside you. You eye the fit of his t-shirt and it makes your mind fog up.

All your focus is on the shape of his tummy against the fabric. The way the material sticks to him and shows all the harsh angles of his toned chest. The fact that he had cut off the bottom hem of his top and when he moves the right way you can see that trail of hair on his lower stomach. The shape of his arms under the sleeves. Does he work out? Considering his lack of discipline, you couldn’t imagine him having an exercise regimen, but dear god. His arms weren’t absurdly cut, but they were still thick with enough muscle that his sleeves seem a little tight. You can see the veins of his forearms and the blown out ink on his skin. When he’s on top of you again, sucking on your neck, you let your hands drag over his back and sneak underneath his shirt. The heat of his skin and the moving musculature alone making your toes curl. You’re happy to have him on you, but you wanted that damn shirt off too. You’re grasping at the fabric and pulling it up, gasping when he bites on your neck for doing so.

“Take that shit off-“ You huff, making a smile tug at his lips.

“Using my lines now, doll?” He purrs once he’s raised up again and grasping behind his head to pull his shirt over it. You can’t even think of a smart reply, your brain short circuiting at the sight of his naked torso. Even though you enjoy it, you never really understood his urge to bite. You sure do now. You shift from laying on your back to sit up in front of him while he remains raised up on his knees. Your hands slide up his stomach, feeling the goosebumps that raise in the wake of your cold fingertips. He’s still for once and you bring your hands back down to pull on his belt, fighting against the stiff leather to slide it out of the buckle.

You’ve never given head before, mainly because the only time there was an opportunity it had been with a guy you didn’t even like that much who kept trying to push your head down while you were kissing; but you felt feverish with thoughts of Eddie’s dick down your throat. While rushing to go down on him was the last thing you had on your mind at the start of your day, after he was so sweet on you, you were desperate to taste him.

Eddie’s breath is staggered as he watches you undo his jeans, his pupils all blown out. He can’t even count how many times he’s fantasized about those lips wrapped around his cock, but he knew after everything that he didn’t deserve to go first. Fuck, he wanted to, but he doesn’t deserve it. Belt open and slack and jeans undone, he grabs your hands to pin them over your head once you were pushed back onto the floor and he leans down to kiss you. One hand holds the side of your face and the other is pulling the zipper on your hip down, muttering a you first against your lips.

Before tugging at your skirt skort, Eddie pulled away again to lift your shirt off. He grew irritable for a moment with the long sleeves that fought him, tossing it aside harshly with a grumble that made you giggle. That gentle laugh was the only thing that lightened his mood again and encouraged a small smile before he continued. He kisses down your body, giving you the occasional bite. There are little things that he does along the way that make parts of you feel beautiful—parts that you either don’t pay attention to or even aren’t fond of. It’s an odd thing considering how mean he always is, but he seems to show a devotion to each and every inch of your skin that wouldn’t occur to most men. The way his hands slide along your sides as he makes his way down your chest, giving you the occasional squeeze. The way his arms slip around your midsection and bring you closer to his face with a press to the small of your back, smothering his face between your breasts still covered by a flimsy, lace bra—breathing in the scent of your skin. The way his hold relaxes as he continues down, just to squeeze you to him again when he finds a new spot he wants to smother himself in. One side of your tummy underneath your ribs. The slight rise of your lower abdomen beneath your belly button. Your hip bones.

You’re so drunk on his touch at first that it doesn’t even occur to you where this is leading until he’s already face-to-face with the center of your underwear.

“E-Eddie- no-“ You squeak out suddenly. “Not that.”

He lifts his head to eye you curiously and with surprise at the denial of getting head, lips parted in a question that you interrupt.

“I’m on my period, remember?”

Eddie half-jerks his shoulder up in a careless shrug. “Yeah, I know. So?”

“It’s just… it’s so messy and bloody. I wouldn’t even want you to eat me out right now if I was still mad at you.”

“Doll, c’mon…” He groans while pressing his face into your inner thigh—not to try and convince you to give consent cause he doesn’t care about this boundary, but rather to show how badly he wants to do this. That he doesn’t care about the mess and he doesn’t think it’s gross, in fact he found it hot. If you were sitting in his bed or in his passenger seat and got your period, his perv ass probably wouldn’t even try to remove the stain.

“I want to.” He insists, pulling away again to look up at you. “I think it would be so fucking hot. It’ll help the pain, princess.”

You consider the offer for a moment, wondering if he’s right. If he could make you feel so good that he’d reach and clear out those aches and pains that Tylenol couldn’t even touch. You still shake your head, the thought of all that blood on his tongue and the smell in his nostrils making you nervous and embarrassed. He groans again and dramatically flops into your stomach to hide his face.

“Not with your mouth.” You clarify, cheeks all rosy.

At that, he finally raises his head with a raised brow and his bangs all messy.

“Oh yeah?”

He’s sitting up now, settling back against folded legs as he raises your legs one by one to take your shoes off and toss them randomly. You tilt your head to watch one sneaker smack the back of the passenger seat, then look to the side to watch your second sneaker smack into the interior with a vibrating clunk. After taking off your shoes, your ankles are lightly settled on his shoulders and he has his hands wrapped around your calves as he tilts his head to press a kiss to the inside of one ankle. Then he’s moving to bite the inside of the opposite knee.

After that, he skips right back to your lips, your legs parted to settle on either side of him now. Eddie hooks his fingertips into the band of your underwear and pulls them down, having to begrudgingly separate enough so you can bend your knees up to your chest while he tugs them off your legs. He’s about to casually pull on the string of your tampon when you shake your head quickly and clasp your hand over your entrance.

“I’ll- I’ll do it.” You murmur and he’s (once again) groaning irritably.

He wishes you wouldn’t be so sheepish about it. He can understand the experience of your period not being the most comfortable thing in the world, but he doesn’t know what he has to do to show that he likes it. That he wants to go down on you and wipe that mess off of his face with pride, therefore not needing to look away at your insistence while you take out your tampon. Maybe it’s his pride in being a freak. Maybe it’s a slight twinge of superiority, knowing that he was one of the few guys that would even offer in the first place. Maybe it’s that breeding kink flaring up at what he saw as a glaring reminder that you could possibly get pregnant with his kid. Maybe it’s just the fact that it’s you. But he lets you do it yourself, holding in his usual attitude for the sake of your sensitivity for once, then leaning back down to kiss you the second you give the okay.

The kiss doesn’t have as much of an apologetic gentleness as the others, but it was passionate and it was hot. The heavy breathing and groping and spit; the taste of cigarettes and mint; the scratch of slight stubble and the bump of his nose against yours. Eddie shot a hand out to feel for his jacket which he promptly crams under your tailbone to raise your hips, then dips his thumbs in the band of his exposed boxers to pull his pants and boxers down. (He didn’t take them off completely per usual, but you took getting him shirtless as your win).

Eddie pulls away just enough to wrap his hand around his cock, giving it a few good tugs before leading it to your entrance. He keeps an eye on your expression, plunging into you the moment his tip slid in. The few times he’s fucked you, you were always so messy and wet and warm, but this was enough to sign his soul away. You were soaked with arousal and blood as expected, but he wasn’t prepared for how much puffier you are like this. And so fucking hot. You mewl at the sensation, a dull ache in your lower abdomen at the start, but it’s slowly dissipating. Maybe it’s the association between blood and pain, and menstruation and pain, but you genuinely thought this would hurt more than usual—you certainly weren’t betting on your heightened sensitivity. Even that first stroke slipping into you lit up your nerves.

“‘S good, right?” He asks with a cocky grin, left hand wrapped around your right thigh and his right hand sliding over your tummy and slowly massaging the area.

You almost don’t want to admit it, but you do with a nod and pouty lips that have pathetic little whimpers slipping past them. Eddie slides back out a couple inches then pushes back into you, your toes curling as a bit of blood and arousal gushes and sputters out around his base. You curse under your breath, encouraging him to proceed. He’s uncharacteristically tender, and while seeing his sweet side today was a pleasant surprise—you just wanted him to fuck you.

“Eddie-“ You breathe out.

“Hm?”

“Please just fuck me.”

His grin is devilish and his gaze is fiery. He snaps his hips forward once without wasting a second, threatening to making your eyes roll back.

“Yeah?” He leans down, his voice a condescending whisper as he stays infuriatingly still while this deep. “My baby come cryin’ cause ‘m too mean? But she still wants me to bully her little pussy?”

You whine and nod your head, his following thrusts nearly punching the breath out of your lungs. His hand rests over your pubic bone and starts rubbing at your clit as he fucks into you. Your head lolls back into the carpeting, breasts bouncing with his efforts.

“Such a good fucking slut for me. This pussy all mine?”

“Uh huh-“ You speak in a whiny moan, hips weakly pushing forward and he takes the hint.

Eddie pulls you forward by your hips and holds you close to him as he gives you breathtakingly shallow thrusts. Your eyes begin to water from the way he’s moving inside you and his thumb is brushing on your clit. His other hand parts from your hip to grip onto the center of your bra, pulling it down to free your breasts and to keep a steady grip on you by the fabric clasped around your chest.

“Eddie-” You sob, and an earth-shattering sense of relief blows through him, leaving him temporarily wrecked before settling again like a gust of wind pushing up bird feathers before they smooth out again. Finally seeing those globs of tears in your eyes in the way he loves brought that balance back, and he’s doubling his efforts. Your lips part and your back arches up off of the carpet of his van, those wet streaks leading from your eyes back into your hair just like they were on Friday.

You’re counting your blessings that you aren’t back in your bed with your parents down the hall during your make up session because even the fear of being caught wouldn’t have been able to stop the moan that gasps from your lungs when you cum around him. All the tension and hormones and yearning of this week mixing with the overpowering pleasure he’s giving you, all culminating to this very moment and making you see stars. You feel like you’ve been temporarily shoved under water, all of the sounds around you muffling—even the sound of your own breathing. Just as you’re floating back up to the surface, Eddie’s leaning down to place his lips on yours. His large hands cover both sides of your face as he’s kissing you like he means it, only letting his hands part from your cheeks to wrap around your midsection and scoop you up while he sits back.

“Fuck-” You breathe out, hands settling to cradle the back of his head. You’re sure you look as disheveled as you feel. He thinks you look incredible.

“I know right?” He teases, all smug even in this quieter tone of voice and he laughs when you smack at his arm.

He eyes you from where his face is level with your chest, watching the playful irritation melt from your expression as he starts thrusting up into you. You’re almost too overstimulated from him moving so close to your orgasm that was still pulsing in the aftershock, but fuck if this doesn’t feel too good to pause even for a moment. Eddie wraps his arms around you to finally unclasp your bra and fling it towards the front of his van, metal hooks clinking against the hard surface of his dashboard. His hands smooth over your back, groaning against your skin as he smothers himself between your breasts again, fucking up into you. You start bouncing on top of him to meet his thrusts, whimpering quietly at the fluttering still rippling through your walls. You still have that palpable pulse inside you, squeezing around him and making it incredibly difficult to not cum before he can get you to let go at least one more time.

“C’n you cum for me, doll? Gimme one more?” He finally separates from your chest to look up at you again and while you were always the one looking fucked out, when you look at him you can’t help but feel like you’re seeing him the same way. A faint shine to his doe eyes glossed over with lust, that rosy tint to his cheeks, and the swell of his pink lips. You nod, but your hips buck in disagreement when his touch is back on your clit. It’s admittedly too soon, your eyes burning with prickling tears as the pleasure jolts through you like shocks of electricity rather than rolling waves—but you certainly weren’t going to ask him to stop.

You gasp out his name, fingers gripping the hair all damp with perspiration at the nape of his neck. You feel like you’re vibrating and the cramping in your stomach nearly makes you break and ask him to stop nudging at that sensitive bud. Your nails dig into the back of his neck, hearing him groan against your skin, feeling his hot breath on your chest. The two of you are moving like the universe would simply unravel if you stopped—as if it isn’t already unraveling in this moment.

“Oh my god-“ You moan and Eddie’s sinking his teeth into your breast—partly to punctuate his claim, partly to muffle his own sounds as he unloads inside of you.

You’re trembling in his lap with soft sobs in the aftershock of probably the most heart-stopping, all-consuming orgasm you’ve ever experienced. Even the slightest touch to your flushed skin sent shocks throughout your nerves and made you cry out, so Eddie stays still.

When both of your hearing is clear again, and you swallow to bring some moisture back to your throat—you let out a small laugh. It isn’t malicious or mocking. It rose up out of pure joy and relief and (honestly) a bit of surprise at everything that’s happened. And it all happened so quickly, you aren’t sure if your memory was able to keep up. God, you hoped it was. You want to relive it every time you close your eyes at night.

Eddie’s licking his lips and pulling back to look at you, a few laughs of his own bubbling up. Like always, he isn’t quick to pull out, but he does set you back down onto the carpet and press a few kisses to your jaw. His hands are pressed into the floor on either side of your head, pulling up his upper body to look down at you. Your hair is messy around your face, and streaks of mascara are all muddled around your eyes and down your cheeks. He put all of his weight on one arm to allow his other hand to raise up and swipe at those black streaks with his thumb before settling back down to kiss you, one arm still pressed up and bent at the elbow and the other settling his forearm on the rug.

The kiss is slower, but still sloppy with exhaustion. He pulls back one more time just to smile down at your face and ends up right back to kissing you seconds later.

The sun is setting in Hawkins and the two of you are all over each other until you realize how late it had gotten and your lips might as well have been ready to fall off. But even when you’re dropped off at home with excuses ready, he still climbed in through that bedroom window to keep kissing you once everyone in the house retired for the night.

After all, you finally left it unlocked and he couldn’t stand another week out in the cold.

Eddie never did work up the nerve to properly ask you what you meant by that blunt reply that one Autumn day... ↓

CLICK ON YOUR ENDING OF CHOICE:

fluffy ❤️

angsty 💔

taglist: @mynameismothra @angelina16torres-blog @tlclick73 @elvendria @psychospore @daisyridleyyyy @sidthedollface2 @kelsiegrin @swiss-cheeze @darknesseddiem @magnificantmermaid @hazydespair @bonehead-playz @stephanie-nicks76 @madaboutjoe @homiesexual-or-homosexual @neobanguniverse @prestinalove @galaxyfxcs @canyonmooncreations @hereforshmut @ediewentmissing @sadest-bookshelf @harlowsgirl @damon-loves-pie @stardustmunson @imjuststeddietrashatthispoint @bitchyseawitch @littlered0000

*note: if you requested to be tagged and you’re not there it’s because tumblr’s saying your acct doesn’t exist 🫠

#eddie munson smut #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #bully!eddie munson #mean!eddie munson #perv!eddie munson #stranger things x reader #as if eddie munson #stranger things imagine #as if eddiessluttywaist #as if part 3 #as if part 3 eddiessluttywaist

1K notes · View notes

bagopucks · 1 year

Text

J. Hughes - Need You Now [Lady A]

✄————————————

Jack Hughes x Fem!dancer!reader

Requested✨

Word Count: 5.4k

Warning(s); that good ‘ol fluffy madness

This is getting proofread again when I wake up. Again, song in the title is the song of choice for this fic. Not set in stone tho <3

—————————————

Mondays had become a routine. I got up. I texted Jack. We go to school, we hung out. He goes to hockey, I go to dance. We meet up at the Hughes household after, and spend the rest of the evening together.

When Jack and I first got together, we took note of our busy schedules. He had his own hobbies, and I had mine. That being said, our proximity to one another made dating much easier than first expected. Our relationship worked best because of that proximity. And sure, we may have always been exhausted after attending our own practices and rehearsals, but being exhausted together was better than being exhausted apart.

Ellen made late dinners, considering her boys all got home from hockey at a later hour in the evening, but it was a schedule I’d grown comfortable with on Monday afternoons.

I’d been over at the Hughes household helping Ellen with dinner, but I slipped away at the sound of the front door opening. Luke bounded in first, and I playfully rubbed his hair as we passed each other. He was on the hunt for his mother. As was Quinn, who passed by me shortly after with a quick greeting. I chuckled. Jim stepped inside after Jack, and my smile faltered ever so slightly when I saw the looks on both of their faces.

I hesitated. I knew those looks. Jim gave his son a careful pat on the shoulder before locking the door and walking through the house. Jack’s eyes followed his father before they landed on me. He looked defeated. I wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“Hey?” I greeted in question, and watched as he approached. He dropped his hockey bag on the floor. It didn’t take long for him to wrap his arms around me.

“Practice didn’t go so well?” Jim was a good father, but like most sports dads, he could be a bit hard on his kids. Especially when they had big dreams. Quinn was in the process of being looked at by NHL scouts, and Jack -while spoken of by the league- had gotten a hockey scholarship offer from the university of Michigan. He had plans for the NHL too, but either way, he had to keep his skills sharp for both. Which was what Jimmy was always tough on the boys about.

Of all three, I wouldn’t lie. I’d expect Jack to have a lazy practice here and there. Sometimes he just didn’t feel like it, and unlike his brothers, he never pushed through when he was lacking in motivation. It’s something that’s always frustrated his father. Sometimes Jack just couldn’t be bothered to do things.

“I have a headache,” Jack mumbled into my shoulder. I nodded and stroked the back of his head before pulling away.

“Dinner’s almost ready.” It was the only thing I could think of that was going to cheer him up. I grabbed Jack’s hand before I led him into the kitchen, and I could tell Jim must have gotten on him pretty badly by the way Quinn and Luke both tensed when we entered. Like they were afraid Jack just might implode.

“Hey, sweetie! Since when did we start greeting your girlfriend before me?” Ellen teased softly as Jack found his way over to her. He leaned into her side as she gave him a half hug. She picked up on her middle child’s emotional funk as well, and pressed a gentle kiss to his temple before she patted his back as a signal to step away so she could move a pot full of sauce off the stove.

Ellen was just as liable to get on her kids about laziness and a lack of effort. She was a sports parent too. But nothing was worse than hearing it from your dad. And Ellen knew better than anybody that her husband and Jack got into arguments at times. Jack just wanted to be understood, and Jimmy just wanted Jack to understand. He was the difficult kid. By no means were any of her three boys problematic, but Jack definitely put up the most hassle.

“Quinn, why don’t you set the table for me?” Ellen piped up, and earned a nod from her oldest.

Sometimes I found it a miracle that she and Jimmy had managed to raise such obedient kids. Especially after having three boys.

Once the table was set and the food all laid out, Ellen travelled upstairs to find her husband, and I was seated at the table with the three Hughes brothers. I usually sat down at the opposite end of the table from Jim, closest to Jack. Ellen’s place was across from her oldest boy and diagonal to her husband. At the head of the table I felt I could see and speak to everybody from a good angle. Jimmy agreed with me on that.

“Alrighty.” Ellen eventually stepped into the kitchen with a bright smile, but there was tension behind it. I had no doubt she and Jimmy spoke about Jack. He followed in behind her. He looked slightly more jovial than before. Which I was thankful for, because when I turned around to look back at Luke and Quinn, they seemed to overlook the facades of their parents, and they relaxed.

Food was served and conversation was struck up. What was discussed at school, who was taking what tests, and how grades were looking. I chimed in here and there, but I knew the conversation was more of a ‘catch up’ for the parents and their boys than it was for me.

Still, Ellen made a point to praise me for my own good grades and accomplishments. She always wanted me to feel included and welcome.

“How was dance today?” The conversation shifted, and I found frustrations from earlier in the day dawning on me again. I rested my fork on my plate and sigh. Whichever sets of eyes were on food, had quickly set on me. Concern and curiosity in the faces of the family I’d grown to love.

“It was good. We got paired up for group routines today. The guy I got paired with wasn’t there today, and usually that’s fine, but he called in to say he was in the hospital for a stupid broken foot and now I don’t have a partner.. the class is an uneven number now.” I tried not to sound too tense. I’d hate to ruin the family dinner with my own problems.

Jim leaned forward with a smile, and I couldn’t help but wonder what was about to slip past his lips. I loved Ellen. I loved her with all my heart, but Jim and I had the relationship I always wished I had with my own dad. His jokes could cheer me up on a cloudy day when it’s hailing and pouring all at the same time.

“Can’t imagine you’ll have much issue dancing alone, eh?” I smiled. I knew what he meant. I’d won many competitions in the past. I was one of the most skilled in my studio.

“That’s not the point though,” I chuckled and shook my head. “It’s a group routine where everybody is paired. If I don’t have a partner, I can’t be in the routine.” I playfully sassed, and earned a quiet chuckle from the man across the table, as well as his wife. Quinn smiled, but he was never one to give me the gratification of knowing I made him laugh. So he tried to hide his face in his shoulder.

Jack was eyeing me, but he didn’t say much. I cast him a glance before I moved my foot beneath the table to nudge him.

“Well you’ve got three boys here. How hard is the routine for the boy parts?” Ellen asked, and I heard the clinking of various stainless steel silverware pieces on glass dishes before my head whipped to the three who were staring wide eyed at their mother. Jim coughed on a laugh at his boys.

“It’s not impossible.” I answered and watched as the boys slowly looked at me.

“So? Jack? Why don’t you do it with her?” Ellen’s encouraging words earned an uncertain gaze from her son.

“I don’t know, mom..” Jack looked back down at his plate, and I saw his two brothers visibly relax once they thought they were out of the danger zone.

“I think that’s not a bad idea.” Jim chimed in, and I stiffened when I saw him make eye contact with his son. There was subtext in his words that I didn’t understand. That had to do with whatever they were tense over when they came in the house. I watched Jack as he grew uncomfortable again. He looked away. He looked shameful.

“I just don’t think I’d be very good at it.” His words made me smile and nod. I didn’t want to upset him further by arguing.

“It’s really fine. I wouldn’t mind sitting out on it.” I shrugged as I tried to find the right words to deescalate the conflict that had been slowly rising at the table. I heard Quinn sigh.

“I’ll help if you want me to.”

My brow shot up in surprise. I smirked.

“Quinn Hughes? You’d wear tights? For me?” I teased him, and heard his mother giggling when he glared at me.

“I’m out if tights are involved.” I knew his words held no true threat. Quinn would have worn the girliest leotard in existence if I needed him to. He was always there for me.

“What about me? Maybe I wanna help.” Luke joined in, simply because he felt left out of the conversation. His input surprised everybody. It even managed to earn him a look from Jack. Jack, who was usually quick to make a joke. Especially in a moment when he would have the chance to call his younger brother a ‘little girl.’ Instead it was Quinn doing so.

“Woah bud.. didn’t realize you were so interested in wearing tutus.” Quinn gently patted his brother on the back. Luke rolled his eyes.

“Luke. I love you, but I don’t think you’d last a minute in my dance class.” He looked offended at the fact that I had ganged up on him with his brother.

At that point, Ellen had a hand over her mouth and she was desperate to stop herself from laughing at her kids. Jimmy wasn’t to the point of laughter, but I could see his smile out of the corner of my eyes.

“You guys suck.” Luke mumbled, out of the goodness of his heart, and he stood to take his empty plate to the sink.

“Luke, be nice.” Ellen had quickly scolded, through quiet bouts of laughter.

“Take my plate while you’re at it, Lukey.” Quinn handed his plate over, and eventually everybody had given their plates and silverware over to Luke, except for Jack, who was still picking at his food despite his mood.

“Alright Luke. It’s rematch night.” Quinn spoke excitedly as he left the kitchen dining area, followed by the youngest after the plates were in the sink. I could hear them moving things in the living room, a thud, then a quiet ow.

“Quinn! Let your brother use the player one controller!” Ellen jumped up from the table, going to solve the problem between her boys before it escalated.

I spared a glance at Jimmy, who nodded at me in understanding before he stood and took the empty drink glasses to the sink. He stepped out of the kitchen soon after, going to be the backup his wife needed.

It gave me a moment with Jack.

“Hey, bud.” I leaned forward and rested my pointer and index finger under his chin to tilt his head upwards. He was reluctant to make eye contact with me, but he did so anyway.

“What’s up?” It was a general question, not necessarily asking what was upsetting him, but more so what had been on his mind.

“I don’t want Quinn to dance with you.” I noded and smiled at Jack as I reached for his hand.

“You never answered my question earlier.” Jack huffed and shrugged his shoulders. Frustration was bubbling up.

“No. I didn’t want to be there.” At practice. “And.. I got a bad grade on the stupid algebra test. My dad’s all over me for it.. I just- I don’t get it.” I gently squeezed his hand. He hated math. I knew he did. He hated feeling stupid too.

“I told you I’d help.” I whispered, carefully angling my seat to face his as I leaned forward and rested one of my elbows on my knee.

“I know,” his voice was quieter than mine, and I could tell he was disappointed in himself for not reaching out.

“Ya know what I find helps best when I’m stressed?” I flashed him a playful smile. Jack eyed me.

“Dancing.” I tried to coax him into helping me. As much as I appreciated Quinn’s offer to dance with me, I wouldn’t have as much fun with him as I would with Jack.

“You really want me to do that with you?” The middle brother sounded unconvinced.

“You’ll be the most handsome boy out there..” flattery was a tactic I saved for a rainy day with this boy. It didn’t take a lot to convince him of something, but a few compliments never hurt.

“God… you’re so pushy.” His dramatics made me laugh. But they were a telltale sign I had him in the palm of my hand, and that he was feeling a bit better.

“C’mon, Hughes. I’d be your left winger if you ever needed it.” I reasoned and watched him smile.

“I’d never ask you to do that.. you might get hurt.” I rolled my eyes and pulled away to lean back in my chair. I folded my arms across my chest, awaiting his final answer. He could tell I was.

“Fine. But I’m a horrible dancer. Like.. the shittiest dancer you’ll ever meet.” He whispered, not wanting to get caught cursing. It made me laugh.

“Can’t talk your way out of this Hughes. You’re my partner now.”

——————

I don’t know why I asked Jack to do this. It was a risky decision really. I hadn’t seen him dance yet, but just stepping into the studio with him in tow had everybody looking. He was an attractive boy, but he was my boy. It was only worse that Jack thought it best to wear compression pants under his shorts. He looked good. He looked great even. I had always loved the way those pants fit him, but I didn’t anticipate all the other girls loving the way his pants fit him too.

Jack was unbothered by the stares. I showed him where to kick his shoes off and where to leave his things before we stepped into the empty studio. My teacher was upstairs and I wanted a moment to actually stretch him out before he made a fool of himself in front of everybody else. Aside from that, I had a good feeling Dance stretches were not going to benefit him as much as his usual hockey stretches, considering he’d have no clue how to do any of mine. I kicked the door shut and watched him look around.

��The mirrors are- they’re a little much… don’t you think?” I always loved the way Jack’s voice sounded when he was nervous.

“It’s so we can all see each other. I promise you’ll be fine.” I walked around behind him and dragged my hand across his back as I went. I was hopeful some physical contact would help him relax.

“You do some hockey stretches first, yeah? Dance stretching is a little weird.. I don’t think you’ll be any good at it.”

Jack nodded, and joined me on the floor, side by side. We did our own things, but we did them together. He looked so focused that I couldn’t help but giggle every once and I while when I looked at him in the mirror.

“Quinn wouldn’t last a second in here.” Jack finally struck up conversation, and I found his confidence amusing.

“Class hasn’t started, hun. I’d wait before you start talking like that.” I slowly stood up and made my way over while he was doing his own version of what was usually considered a frog stretch. His knees were tucked up beneath his body as opposed to stretched out behind himself. The hockey players always did it that way, and I’m sure they had their own methods to their madness.

“Lean forward?” I rested my hands on his back and pushed down gently while I let Jack do most of the work. He stopped when his face was still a foot from the floor. I rubbed his shoulders and laughed softly at the sigh he let out.

“You have to breathe through it. Doesn’t help if you hold your breath.” He nodded, but he didn’t listen to a word I said. He still held his breath. I assumed if I made him keep the position long enough, he’d learn, but when the door opened, I quickly stood upright. Jack unfolded and leaned back against my legs to catch his breath.

“Mrs. Jenny.” I greeted, the dark haired teacher shot me a wave in return before her eyes trailed down to the boy who fought for his breath and rubbed his legs, leaned back against my own.

“Is this one of Ellen Hughes’ boys?” Her question caught me and Jack off guard.

“Yeah?” Uncertainty laced my tone.

“Oh my god-“ the rest of the class poured in, just as confused as I was. “Are you Jack?” She walked over, and Jack hoisted himself to his feet to shake her hand, nodding to her question.

“I met you when you were like.. four.. Ellen and I used to be so close.” Jenny looked him up and down, bewildered. Like most random people were when they saw a kid they hadn’t seen in a while. And of course, Jack looked as uncomfortable as he could possibly get.

“Then she had Luke and just got so busy. It’s a thrill to have one of her kids here. I always assumed it might be Luke.”

Jack and I both laughed. We saved that information to torture Luke with later.

“You’re gonna be a fun pair to work with.”

——————

And it seemed we were. Jenny got Jack and I on an individual schedule. One that worked around my normal dance classes and one that worked around his hockey practices. She was beaming every time she stepped into the studio and got to work with us, and Jack seemed to love her as much as I always did. Jack admitted to me that the classes were fun, and even helped with the hockey burnout he’d been experiencing. When I spent nights in the Hughes household, I could only assume the classes were helping, seeing as the tension between Jack and his father was practically nonexistent.

I found myself occasionally stumbling over our dance when I looked up into the mirror, only to spot that bright smile on Jack’s lips he gets when he knows he’s got the hang of something. He was so distracting, the way his eyes lit up and his hair bounced. Jenny invited Ellen in one day to watch, but Jack insisted she didn’t see a thing. Ellen tried her best to get her son to give in, but Jack shut her out of the studio and pulled the blinds in the window. He knew his mother well enough to know she’d have videos. And then his brothers would have them.

I had to remind him that he was only prolonging his fate.

Eventually, Jack and I got the hang of not only the dance, but the mental link of communication that came with it. Our rehearsals went from Jenny interrupting every so often or her spending the bulk of her time on Jack, to her sitting back and watching us. Critiquing at the end of each run through, and helping us perfect what we had.

At the end of the week, we were professionals. Jenny got such a kick out of watching us, consistently praising our chemistry and professing her love for instructing a young couple. Jack and I never had responses for that, but it always made us blush.

When the practices ended, and it came up on the eventual public performance, Jack and I were clearing out the living room in the Hughes house to go over everything.

“Jack!” I shouted through laughter. A light tug on my arm caused me to fall into step and twirl into his side. We’d stopped rehearsing close to an hour ago. At this point, we were goofing off to the song that was playing through his phone. He was laughing too, with an arm wrapped around my side while he swayed us back and forth.

“I’m by your side,” he sang horribly in my ear, causing me to pull away and push him.

“God Jack, shut your mouth.” I giggled and allowed him to grab my hand and pull me back in. He rested his other hand on my hip as he continued to ‘serenade’ me. His voice was flat. He was a horrible singer. But in my mind he sounded prettier than the birds.

“Our friends would all make fun of us…” I rolled my eyes at him. If you can’t beat them, join them.

“The world will never ever be the same!” I quickly joined in, and soon we were yelling the lyrics, our motion ceased as we stood and held each other, heads thrown back to deliver the lyrics of the soft song to the ceiling.

Neither of us heard the quiet thudding on the steps, or Quinn’s frustrated grumbling, until he was in the living room doorway, glaring daggers at us. Jack noticed him first, my back was turned to him. When I saw the look on my boyfriend’s face, I quickly moved to get a view of his older brother.

“I’m trying to study, dude.” Quinn sounded exasperated. I pursed my lips and giggled. Jack wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me back into his chest. He rested his chin on my shoulder.

“Study harder,” Jack taunted.

“I can’t when there’s dying animals in my living room.” Quinn’s words were sharp, but I took no offense to them. “Sorry,” he apologized in my direction, but I shrugged.

“Just study outside.” Jack suggested, knowing the best ways to get on his brother’s nerves.

“In the rain, Jack?” Quinn placed his hands on his hips. “Why don’t you go dance in the rain?”

“‘Cause she’ll get sick!” Jack gestured to me.

“But it’s okay if I get sick studying in the rain?” Jack reached for his phone as his brother spoke, and turned up the volume.

“Jack!” Quinn raised his voice in warning. I snickered. “Jack!” He repeated his brother’s name as Jack began to sway with me back and forth. He held instigating eye contact with his brother. Challenging Quinn.

“What?” The middle child called. I winced at the volume of his voice.

At that point, all the noise had attracted Jimmy, who stepped in the room beside Quinn. He looked confused and frustrated. I chuckled when I noticed he and his son wore the same expressions.

Jack quickly reached for his phone to pause the music.

“What’s going on?” Jimmy’s question had me slowly pulling from Jack. To detach from the situation at hand.

“Jack’s being loud.”

“Quinn’s being rude!”

I felt like I’d heard them having this fight before.

Jimmy sighed. Sighed like he’d heard it all one too many times.

“Jack, turn the music down and stop yelling. Quinn, just go back to whatever you were doing.” I heard another set of footsteps down the hall, and I watched Jimmy turn, point a finger, and say ‘no’ to the figure I couldn’t see. It had to be Luke, I had no doubt he wanted to investigate and instigate.

Jimmy ushered Quinn and Luke back up the steps before he made his way to the basement. Jack and I were alone in the living room again.

“I don’t even care if we royally screw this up. I’m gonna have so much fun with you.” I wrapped my arms around Jack’s neck as I spoke. I leaned back as he leaned forward, holding my hips.

“I’m gonna ace it. You just watch.” His excitement made me smile.

——————

“Alright. Don’t laugh.” I stood outside the boys bathroom in the school hallway. It was a Saturday night. Jenny decided to hold the recital at our public school because of the size of the stage. “How do I look?”

As Jack stepped out, I took time to examine his figure. He wore a tight fitting black shirt, and a pair of black pants that resembled sweats, just not as loose. I wasn’t sure what I wasn’t supposed to laugh at until I saw his hair.

“Jack.” it made me nervous. He knew what I was staring at.

“I was wearing a hat all day! I had a bad hair day!”

“Is there anybody else in the bathroom?” My question was answered with a shake of the head, and I was quickly shoving Jack back into the bathroom. Water had to fix it. If it didn’t, I had no other solutions.

“Mom said she was bringing hair gel.” Jack informed me as I ran my hands under the faucet and reached up to smooth down his hair. My prayers were answered when I saw the mess become more tame.

“It’s alright.. I think I got it. Your hair doesn’t look the best gelled anyway.” My words were subconscious, but they made Jack scoff out a playful gasp nonetheless.

“Rude.”

We stepped out of the bathroom in time to spot Ellen, and I smiled at her while she approached with a matching grin on her lips.

“Seems like you got that sorted.” She spoke as she inspected her son’s hair. “I’m so excited. Watching my baby do something new… I don’t get that very often any more.” Her words made Jack blush. “Good luck!” She gave her son a tight hug, and I was quick to accept the one she offered me as well, before we made our way backstage.

I was bewildered by Jack’s calm attitude while we watched people from behind the cover of the offstage curtains. He seemed so patient and relaxed. I on the other hand, was fiddling with everything I could. When he noticed, he grabbed my hand, and he didn’t stop holding it, even as the next blackout came and we were stepping out on stage. It worried me when Jack still didn’t let go, even as we were trying to get set. And I realized that he was as nervous as I was. Just more reserved about it. It was gutsy, but I turned to press a kiss to his cheek before I pulled my hand from his own, and reset myself.

I heard an ‘awww.’

I smiled.

I knew it was Ellen.

It was a different world when the lights came up. It was a world I shared with Jack. A more mature world, to a song we two loved but emotionally knew nothing about. Jenny said our chemistry and passion made it look like we did know.

When Jack wrapped his arm around my back and I dropped to hang there -folded backwards like a towel on a rack that was his arm- he walked me across the stage and I couldn’t help but lift my head to look up into his eyes. He could drop me. But I knew he wouldn’t.

And when I got the chance to travel around him and turn his body into mine, I gave him every physical signal I could that he was doing a good job, even as his eyes searched mine for approval. I held his face as he stepped forward, and I, back.

He held my hips. I held his hands. He holds my body. I hold his heart.

Dance is a different type of communication. But there was a type I knew we were better at, and in one song I’d managed to fall deeper in love with him.

When the lights dimmed, and I froze in his arms, we were quietly heaving for breath. He’d learned to stop holding it.

His eyes flickered to my lips. Mine told him, ‘not here.’

He kissed me anyway.

When he pulled away, we were breaking out into huge smiles, and I grabbed his hand to drag him off the stage.

“We did it!” I jumped into Jack’s arms the moment we got behind the curtain, and he held on for dear life.

“I’m never doing this again!” His words caught me off guard, and my brow furrowed in question as he put me down. “I thought I was gonna throw up.”

I realized what he meant, and I chuckled softly.

“You were so pretty out there,” he whispered as we made our way out of the backstage area, stepping back out into the dimly lit hall.

I turned to face Jack and placed my hand at the nape of his neck. I brought his lips in for another short and sweet kiss.

“You’re a trouble maker. You know that?” I whispered.

“My mom’s probably got a million pictures of us,” he tried to change the subject, but my quick wit got us back on track.

“Probably a million of us kissing too.”

“Oh god..” he sounded devastated, but I knew he wasn’t.

“Consequences of your actions, bud.” I gently patted his chest and pulled away. “Very risqué move out there.”

“We’ve had others.” His mischievous smile made me roll my eyes.

We have had others.

“Come on.” I led him back to one of the empty classrooms used as a makeshift waiting from for the rest of the company. We sat there side by side for the rest of the recital, occasionally talking, occasionally scrolling through our phones. Every once and a while, Jack would turn to me and kiss me. It helped pass the time a lot faster.

When the recital was over, Jack and I were slipping on our shoes and gathering our things. Despite this being my event, he seemed more eager to get us out there to see family and friends. He dragged me behind him as we entered the auditorium, searching for his family before we caught sight of Quinn talking to one of his own friends. When Ellen spotted us, she was beaming. And waving.

Jack and I quickly closed the distance between ourselves and his family. Ellen hugged me first this time, and I couldn’t help but laugh at Jack’s gasp.

“Greeting my girlfriend before me,” Jack mumbled, surprise flashing across his face when Jimmy pulled him into his side.

“Proud of you guys.” Jack shared a look with his father, before giving the man an actual hug. Ellen was quick to reach into the seat in front of her, pulling out two bouquets of flowers.

“Quinn thought you both needed flowers.” She explained as Jack pulled away from his father.

“Oh my-“ Jack paused, turning to look for his brother before Ellen tapped his shoulder, turning his attention back to her.

“Not now, Jack.”

We got a few pictures with the flowers, and Ellen got a few of us when we weren’t looking. I congratulated a few of the girls I was friends with on their performances, greeted some friends I knew that had attended, and had a few pictures taken with my mother, who Jack helped me find.

After that, Jack convinced his father to let us take the spare car out for ice cream. Jack argued with Luke for a good ten minutes about not going before Ellen told the youngest to let it go, and Quinn informed Luke that they’d go on their own.

I couldn’t have been bothered to feel bad for the other two boys. Jack spent our evening after the dance in the parking lot of an ice cream shop, giggling and joking back and forth in the car. Sharing another moment, where it was only us in the world.

✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾

#jack hughes #jack hughes imagine #jack hughes x reader #nhl imagine #nhl x reader

411 notes · View notes

madwomansapologist · 1 year

Text

Moonboys: first meetings

synopsis: Love is hard. You have to fight for it. But falling in love is so easy.

translation: "Vai se foder" = "Go fuck yourself" | "Hijo de puta" = "Motherfucker" (that is not a great way to translate that curse word, but its the best we can do"

warnings: female!reader. brazillian!reader for Jake because I make the rules here. mention of Matt Murdock. a asshole gets what he deserved. pure fluff. mention to Marc's past, but then more fluff. even for jake. fluff for everyone 💐💐💐

note: happy valentine's day everyone!!!

Steven Grant

• Steven had been yelled by Donna for a lot of reasons. Because he was late, or teaching kids, or acting like a tour guide, or chattering about the egyptian culture, or bored while doing the day's chore. And even tho he really did all those, Steven would be lying if didn't mention the huge amount of times he was daydreaming about love

• He dreamed about a girl that would rock his world. Steven liked to think that one day she would enter the museum, their eyes would meet and then... They would just know that their lives were intertwined. That everything that ever happened was just the fates taking them to each other arms. Steven didn't dreamed about a girlfriend, but about a soulmate

• Steven is obssessed over egyptian culture, but he always thought that those invisible red strings bonding soulmates was the peak of romance. Steven is not a specialist on japanese culture, but he likes that way of thinking. And, yes, he did listen to Folklore a few times

• He dreamed about it so many times, but never thought that it could be possible. So when Steven found out that Donna was going to be replaced with a new staff manager, the last thing he thought about was love. He only prayed to whatever gods listening that this new person would be better than Donna was. Or at least not worse

When monday came, Steven made sure he would arrive at time. First impressions matter, specially in a boss-employee relationship. With time before his work began, he walked around the National Art Gallery. Steven found himself admiring the photographs of the Book of the Dead. And when he felt the presence of someone beside him, he couldn't help himself.

"Do you know they belived that, after their death, they would be able to read the book to make sure they are making every step right?" Steven chattered, happy to talk about his interest.

"If I was Osiris, I would consider this cheating." You responded with a light giggle. "Every culture have their own funeral rites, but I think that the egypcian is the fairer."

Steven looked at you with curiosity, but when he saw you his whole body just stumble. You were divine. You looked divine. Steven could feel his cheeks getting hotter. All he wanted was to pull his shirt up his face and hide himself, but he couldn't move.

"Why do you say that?", Steven whispered.

"Everyone always has a chance to try again", your eyes lingered to his face, but soon they come back to those photographs. "Don't matter what they do wrong. If they are unable to pass the heart weighing, or to declare the correct prayers for the pantheon, or to be honest about their flaws during live. They will just... live again. Until they are finally able to pass all those tests. Death isn't the end is just... a chance to begun again."

Steven couldn't even breath. He feel like his body was combusting. Steven usually are the one that talk with passion, but this is the first time he ever heard someone that was... willing to be heard by him. It was a nice feeling.

"Oh, I am so sorry." Your smile was a lovely sight. "I didn't mean to chatter."

"No! I... You didn't chatter. I mean, you did, but it didn't botter me. Not at all", and now he was the one chattering. "I was trying to say that I liked to hear you talking."

You tried not to laugh and it it hurts you cheeks not to, but you didn't want him to be more embarrassed. He was just so sweet. So delicate. "That's fine... Sorry, whats your name?"

"Steven. With a V." He smiled. "And you are..."

And then he saw. The employee identification pin on your right shoulder. The one that not only said your name, but also your role. Staff manager.

• Maybe... just maybe, Steven finally was going to live his chick flick romance.

Marc Spector

• Marc was avoiding anything that could be related to love. After his marriage, after everything he went through, that last thing he wanted was to deal with that. Marc wasn't looking for love but he couldn't control his heart. And he tried. The list of things he couldn't control was short, but larger than he wanted: what his heart wish, and what Konshu demands

• And Konshu wanted him to fight. Marc get used to that, what does not mean he didn't understand the consequences of his own violence. His brain gets that he don't have a choice, bus his heart... Oh, it wrecked little thing never does what Marc want

• On the subway, going back to his home, all those feelings that he fought decided to came out of the spot Marc hid them. All at once. Marc felt everything. The blame, the guilt, the anger. He heard his brother's voice, his momma screaming, his father divided between his lover and his kid. Marc felt everything. Someone in the subway called for help, what ended with him on a hospital

• When he get himself together, after the fear and panic dissapear, Marc tried to get out of there. And at that moment, when he was puting his combat boots while sit at the bed, you opened the blue curtains

"I don't need help", said Marc, not caring if he would sound rude. He continue to focous on his boots.

He heard the heels of the person walking around his bed. "If thats what you think, Mr. Spector", you responded sitting on the bed beside his. Marc saw a green pair of high heels, but continued to focous on his own pair of shoes. "Oh, sorry. Its Doctor Spector, right? It must be for you to be so sure that everything is fine."

"My ego is not so fragile. Say whatever you want, I am going home." Marc stand up and look at the doctor in front of him. His mind frooze. He shouldn't, but suddenly Marc's body wanted to just sit there with you. You were, well, gourgeous. "I don't have time for this bullshit."

"Either do I." You mirrored him, standing up. "But if you realize that actually you may need help, considering how many bruises you have on your torso and that your exams are so bad that I am actually scared about your living conditions, then comeback here."

"I wont."

"As you wish." You made your way out of that space reseverd for those who are unconsious. "But I have a certain experience with vigilantes and I know that they always come back."

Mark felt his heart beating faster.

"W-What did you say?" He walked towards you. "Don't you think that you need to rest? You're saying weird things, doc."

"Okay", you smiled. "If thats how you want to face that situation. Until our next meeting."

• You were right. Marc come back, like all those vigilantes that you had deal with before. You still not so sure, but you think that Matt Murdock was marketing your work to others.

Jake Lockley

• Steven wanted to love so bad that almost didn't realized when his chance was right before his eyes, Marc was running away from love without noticing that he was running towards it, but Jake... Jake didn't have time for this

• Jake has work to do. He is the one protecting those dumbass. He is the one fighting. Doing the dirty work that Konshu needs. He is the one that need to deal with anger, sadness, madness. Jake don't have time for love. But he always have time for one beer

• Thats what Jake do when he need to exhale for a second. He go to a bar, take a few beers, watch a game and go home. He is a simple man

Jake only have that moment to exhale. A moment where Konshu, Marc, Steven or anything else didn't need his attencion. Is only Jake, his beer and a game. But that man turned that moment into something he didn't want to enjoy anymore. He was yelling, saying bullshit with his friends, making everyone's night a living hell.

"Hijo de puta", Jake murmured to himself.

But after some minutes a uncomfortable way to behave in public turned into something more. That man stand up, so drunk that Jake could smeel the alcohol, and decided that he didn't have enough fun. He decided that need to go after a woman who was drinking alone.

"Hello, hottie", that made Jake lick his lips. He corrected his posture, now looking at the drunk man. He touched the woman's hair. Jake was ready to interfere. "What about some company?"

"Vai se foder", you responded with a smile. Jake didn't realized, but a smile was trying to break free from him. "No."

"Oh, I love latinas." The man continued. "They have a fire that... Now I am imagining what else your filthy mouth can do."

Jake stand up and walked towards the pig, but you acted before he could do anything. When he saw the beer going straight to that man's head, Jake got himself in a state of shock.

"Are you fucking stupid?", you screamed to the man. "Don't you ever look at me again. Did you heard me?" Then you looked around until you found the barman that gave you your beer. "Hi, could you give me another one? I am so sorry for the mess, he will clean everything."

• Thats it. Jake was in love.

GENERAL TAGLIST: @suakemi @notanalienindisguiseblink

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr

126 notes · View notes

ionlyloveyouwhenyouresick · 6 months

Text

well im back and better than ever with sickie scenarios.

and by that i mean i have finally lived the dream (to an extent) as my bf has had a stomach bug this week.

sooooo,

storytime:

sunday:

we woke up at his parents house because him and his brother were going hunting, they said they’d be back by 10 so we could go home. he was supposed to wake me up when he got back. 1 pm came around and i woke up madder than hell because we had to leave BY 10 am. i woke him up quickly and told him to get in the car. i noticed he looked kind of off but i passed it off as him working 3 days straight while going hunting in between mixed with staying up all night. he was just exhausted. we got home later that evening and he admitted he didn’t feel well. i told him to lay down, took his temp (101 f), and asked him what was wrong. he told me his head, ribs, and ears hurt and he was sneezing and coughing. i passed it off as sinuses (it went from 80 f to 30 f overnight here). he took some tylenol and went to sleep.

monday:

we woke up and we both went to town to do some grocery shopping and errands. we were going to take him to the dr to make sure he didn’t have covid/ flu/ strep, but he doesn’t have medicaid and it was expensive. so we said never mind and went on home. from there it got worse. fast forwards a couple hours and i was cleaning the kitchen when he ran across the hall to the bathroom. 20 minutes later he came out, sweaty and pale, not feeling good at all, grabbed a pair of pants and changed. i asked what happen and poor baby didn’t get to make it to the bathroom on time. i felt terrible. i laid down in the bed and he immediately laid his head on my chest, groaning and reaching for my hand to place on his stomach. he now admitted his stomach was hurting really bad. underneath my hand, all i could feel was gurgles and growling. after a while i could start hearing the gurgles and growls as well, followed by a low groan that he’d let out every so often. i felt horrible for him. throughout the rest of the day, his fever rose, getting up to 103f, and he was in and out of the bathroom constantly. eventually we went to sleep but he woke me up at 2 am by turning the lights on. he had an accident again, a couple of times, before he even had the energy to change clothes. his stomach was at a constant growl at this point and he was sweating badly. i had never seen him so sick before. he was crying, from embarrassment and from the fact he felt absolutely terrible. but i got him back to sleep by rubbing his belly and placing my cold hands on his forehead.

tuesday:

i stayed up all night in case he needed me, even tho i was so exhausted and wanted nothing more but to sleep. he tossed and turned all night, an occasional but loud gurgle coming from his stomach. he woke up at about 8 am, clearly in pain, and ran to the bathroom a few times more until i gave him some stomach medicine to try to calm it down. it worked after about an hour. he told me he wanted ice water (which was weird as he NEVER drinks water) so i made him some. he drank two sips before immediately grabbing the trash can (which i had luckily just cleaned out and sat next to the bed). he hiccuped and burped a few times before a stream of water came out. he’d never thrown up in front of me before, he’d always made it a point to go outside to puke so i wouldn’t watch him. it doesn’t help he has a very weak stomach and an emetophobe. he groaned and put the garbage can down, starting to move back onto the bed to lay down. but he didn’t even get leaned all the way back up before he moved his head back over the bucket and threw up again. i rubbed his back in small circles the whole time with one hand, while i held his hair back with the other. luckily he said afterwards his stomach didn’t hurt and he felt fine. at this point he’d been fever free for 24 hours. at around 9 pm, he started getting sick again. he came back in the room after a bathroom trip, rubbing his obviously achy belly, and saying that every time he went to stand up to come back in the room, he’d have to sit right back down and go again. after a couple times of doing that he says his stomach no longer hurt (except for just a tiny bit to where it’s uncomfy but not pain) he said he’s completely emptied his stomach at this point and he didn’t think he could go anymore even if his stomach was hurting. but the good thing (and bad thing) i will say during all this, is that this whole time, his appetite hasn’t changed and he has continued eating everything he sees lol.

at the moment it’s 11 pm on tuesday, we are sitting here in bed playing angry birds while i gently rub his slightly achy belly, no gurgles or growls, no sweating and no fever so far. i will update tomorrow!

wednesday:

he slept all night, didn’t wake up once. he went to town with me today to run errands, and did great. no stomach pain, no being sick, no fever. he’s ate several things throughout the day without being sick or any stomach pain. just a little discomfort but nothing major. he’s had acid reflux problems today (but that’s a normal thing for him) but nothing serious at all. all day he’s been hyper and full of energy, which is completely opposite from how he’s been the past few days. it makes me so happy to see him back to his usual self.

update :/

he was so close to 24 hours symptom free until about an hour ago when he got sick again. but luckily no stomach pain or anything else.

we have officially figured out a diagnosis!

monday he did in fact have a 24 stomach bug HOWEVER we’ve narrowed down the small tummy problems to him most likely being lactose intolerant, gonna test him in a couple of weeks by cutting out his dairy intake and then eating it again to see what happens and i’ll update then!

#i love you so pls don’t get sick #but also i love you so pls get sick #boyfriend #sickness kink #stomach bug #puke #stomach ache

29 notes · View notes

bbarican · 6 months

Text

october 21, 2023; 8:59 pm - weekend

hi tumblr, happy weekend! kamusta naman kayo? how are your weekends so far?

as usual, just dropping by to post some updates here (usually and mostly for myself but if you do end up reading these, thank you ♡)

personal:

today was super lovely, we ended up going to makati for lunch and a bit of shopping

my mom bought us new sunnies and im super happy kasi i have new pair to wear to our trips soon

we tried sunnies coffee's spanish latte and tbh sobrang sarap niya as in super high quality ng lasa niya not like pick up coffee or but first coffee (imo!) which i kind of expected na ganun yung lasa niya kasi theyre primarily not a brand that sells drinks talaga to begin with but it was a 10/10 for me; im excited to try their matcha tho

i decluttered my closet and i feel so light and happy about it kasi super konti nalang talaga yung natira and im 300% sure na yung mga tinira ko is sinusuot ko naman talaga

the clothes i took out, i plan on donating sa h&m since they do offer vouchers in return so im excited to do that too

food today was good too, we had shake shack for lunch, then i made my favorite cheesy bread with hot honey for dinner

im excited for tomorrow kasi my dad is finally back from japan!

im so excited for 1989 taylor's version too! i keep forgetting na i really like the songs on this album pala talaga

its my mom's birthday next week and im just excited to spend it with her; im sad na i dont have extra money to get her anything this year pero babawi nalang ako sakanya for sure

work:

i have quite a bit to do tomorrow to prep for my end of the month mtg on monday

again, for some reason kinakabahan ako pero i know naman na everything's gonna work out

we also have a sponty general assembly kasi we need all the help we can get from the designers na hindi masyadong loaded to help those who are busy to turnover their projects this and next month

im just always excited to see my office besties; i love how makulit we all are tapos nag tutugma talaga ugali naming lahat

oh my god you guys may kinaiinisan ako na officemate kol; tamad na ko to make another post about him pero long story short super tanga niya and i hate him

im so excited as in super super super excited for our company outing

friends:

this is a shocker even until now pero i really feel like 100% break na yung best friend ko and his boyfriend of 7 years

its really sad and heartbreaking kasi the guy even planned on proposing to my bestfriend na pero i know my bestfriend deserves better talaga especially with how theyve been these past few months

i miss them! noel and chesy are officially on their own and chevy is still doing her thing and i will forever be grateful na they are safe and happy

id love to meet new people though; i feel like meeting new people would be so exciting

love:

i still have bumble on my phone and the biggest update i can give yall is the fact na i just adjusted the ange range to 27-40 i think HAHA

cause i really dont want to date younger men UNLESS theyre super mature and not super bata pa talaga ng pagiisip

but yeah other than that wala as in wala akong kausap and sometimes it takes a toll on me but most of the time im fine

again, thank you for reading and caring about my updates, i love you ♡

#bbarican #personal #thoughts #writings #updates #dump #list

13 notes · View notes

thatguymao · 8 months

Text

Run Day :)

Morning weight: 118.8 lb (weighed after my run)

Cals consumed: 798

Cals burned: 853

Net cals: -55

I've been busy the past few days with school stuff while also mentally trying to get over my past binges on Sunday and Monday and keeping up my workout routines. I've managed to stay at a cal deficit yesterday and today tho, which has shown on the scale lol. Basically back where I was before my binges, and I'm still on track to continue my progress.

I also bought vitamins like b12, magnesium, biotin on monday. I think my hair is already doing much better? Idk it looks more normal to me now, I hope it's not just my brain playing tricks on me. I've also upped my protein intake by a lot for my run days. It's hard to do that while still managing a cal deficit, but I managed today so it's not impossible. It does involve a ton of protein powder and canned tuna tho, which makes me feel self conscious since they fill me up so much. But it's important, and its kept me less prone to binges so far.

My next run day is Saturday, meaning Thursday and Friday I only do short and easy strength training workouts. I would fast until Saturday but I feel as if I'd get more out of my vitamins if I take them with food. I'll just make sure I remain at a cal deficit still.

In other news, I got accepted into a paid school program! It won't be easy work, but I'm getting paid + reduced tuition costs so it's fine. Whatever makes it so that I dont have to work at a Chipotle. It'll also be really helpful for leadership skills and community service skills which is something I'm passionate about. I'm so happy :")

Tmrw I plan to focus on mostly homework. Will squeeze in time for a workout if I find it but university is more important. And ofc staying in a cal deficit + eat something low-cal and nutritious to go with my vitamins. I just hope I finish this paper at a good time tonight so I can also get enough sleep 😴 the stress of job applications and interviews has not made that possible. Tbh I probably would've lost more weight so far had I been able to get more than 5hrs of sleep for over a week now-

#ed bllog #ftm ed #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #male ed #4norexi4 #tw ana shit #tw 3d vent #3d relapse #notprojustusingthetags

15 notes · View notes

lulubelle814 · 3 months

Text

Regards, Loki - Chapter 13

Master List

Come Monday morning, she was feeling a little better. She went through her regular work routine throughout the week, keeping the events of the weekend to herself but found she was extra jumpy the first couple of days when files were plopped onto her desk.

By Thursday, she felt more settled and able to better focus on her work. On her way home, she saw a new coffee shop that had opened earlier that week and decided to give it a try even though she wasn’t ordering coffee.

Once ordered, she found a small table and sipped her drink. Seemingly out of the blue, someone approached her table.

“Good evening! I saw you come in and thought ‘that’s a lady I need to get to know’ and especially with your choice of beverage. I know most people tend to go with decaf by this time.”

Looking up, she saw a decent looking man with a shy smile on his face. It seemed he was not used to approaching a woman. That or he was really good at faking it.

She smiled back at him. “I find that on a cool evening like this, hot chocolate is a good way to go. I just wish I had a book with me.”

“I’d have to agree with you there.” He gestured to the empty chair, silently asking if he could join her. She didn’t see a reason why not and nodded.

“What book would you be reading right now if you had one?”

He seemed harmless enough so far, and she didn’t recall ever having seen him before. “Right now, I’m almost finished with book 2 of the McClary Chronicles.”

“Can’t say I’ve heard of that one. Who’s the author?”

“Her name is Lexa Kline. I love her books!”

He smiled. “I may have to check it out. I’m so sorry. I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Chad.” He held out his hand, and she shook it. “I’m Louisa. Do you work around here?”

“Yes, actually. I own this coffee shop.”

She wished at that moment that she hadn’t just taken a sip of her drink. That was not a response she was expecting. “Oh, really? I saw this place under some construction for a while. I happened to notice it was open on my way home from work today. I gotta say. Your hot chocolate is very good.”

“Why, thank you, Louisa. I’ve been working on figuring out the best recipes and combos for the drinks menu.”

“Have you thought about offering things like pastries and muffins and such?”

He leaned back. “It’s being looked into, but I haven’t found anything I’m satisfied with yet.”

“It’s good to be picky, make sure you provide what you feel is best for your customer.”

“Actually, I have some samples coming Saturday and could use a second opinion if you’re free?”

She felt funny about this, especially because of her relationship with the mysterious ‘Loki’ and didn’t know if it would be appropriate. It didn’t sound like a date though, just trying some foods. “I might be able to make it.”

He grinned and grabbed a napkin, scribbling something on it. “Here’s my number. I’d love it if you could come, but I completely understand if you can’t.” He handed it over to her where she folded and placed it in her purse. “I’ll let you know, but I do need to get going.”

He stood when she did. “Thank you for coming in this evening. It was a pleasure meeting you. I hope you have a great rest of your week.”

“Same to you.” She gave a shy smile and then made her way out of the cafe and back to her place.

Louisa: I think the coffee guy just asked me out?

Cora: That's amazing! Tell me everything.

Louisa: There's not much to tell. I stopped in for a drink and sat down. He came over and started talking to me and invited me to try some pastries for his shop on Saturday.

Cora: get it girl!

Louisa: I don't know tho. What about Loki? This is weird.

Cora: Did the coffee guy say anything about it being a date?

Louisa: well…..no

Cora: Then I'm not seeing a problem. If he gets flirty and you don't like it, tell him.

Louisa: I guess so.

Cora: if you're really worried about it, talk to Loki. See what he says. I don’t think it would hurt to hang out with coffee guy for a couple hours. You’re just helping him test pastries, right?

Louisa: That’s true.

Cora: Did you tell him if you were going or not?

Louisa: I told him I’d let him know, and he gave me his number on a napkin.

Cora: How about this then. Text him and tell him you’ll come and that it’s nice to make a new friend. If he wants it to be more, he can tell you. If not, then at least you have a new friend, right?

Louisa: I suppose.

Cora: How about this. Tell him you have plans with a friend but can stop by with her if that's OK?

Louisa: I like that plan!

She decided to adjust the plan a bit to see what he would say:

Louisa: Hi Chad, this is Louisa from earlier. It turns out I have plans with a friend.

Chad: Not a problem! Feel free to bring your friend. We could use more opinions.

Louisa: Sounds great! I'll let her know.

She let Cora know what they said, and she thought it was better than the idea they originally came up with. Their new plan was to get together Saturday, hang at her place, and then go to the coffee shop about 11 am for taste testing.

3 notes · View notes

the-winds-of-destiny-xxx · 4 months

Text

uni

still haven't finished my essay. Gonna try staying up until 12.00am. Hoping I at least hit 1,000 words by then. Classes resume next friday. Not sure if i'm ready 😭😭 but it is what it is. Gonna be interesting to see what the dynamic is like between everyone given how things were the last time we saw each-other vs now. As i mentioned last time T has some v problematic views according to some of my course friends so that's gonna be different as well. I usually look at him with heart eyes (not that he notices) and things will probably be different now. I usually sit at the front (and in front of him) but conversation is probs gonna be less. We didn't talk much over the holiday anyway (probs like twice) so it would've been like that regardless. I still kinda wanna fuck him tho (he's hot it's not my fault).

work

fucked myself over and booked shifts for monday and tuesday because I remembered the due date for the essay wrong. Depending on how much I get done tonight I may ask to swap my shifts for other days or just say I can't make it.

gym/health

wanted to go gym today but did not have the time. It usually takes me 40 mins to walk there and 40 mins to walk back plus like 1-2 hours spent actually working out and if I'd done that I would've been fucked. So hoping I get to go more next week.

I've been eating better as well and as much as I love like fatty and sugary foods (especially when i'm stressed), I can't deny how good my body feels when I eat healthy and exercise.

dating

Deleted hinge and bumble (as said previously) and i refuse to turn back but i joined a dating app strictly for LGBTQ+ so we'll see how it goes. This community annoys me sometimes because almost everyone is poly and doesn't want anything serious like 😭😭 might as well just start entertaining K again atp.

mood

dizzy (lack of meds). actually feeling more emotionless than emotional like I usually do.

#nd

2 notes · View notes

circesoracle · 11 months

Note

Hope you’re doing okay! Your writing is phenomenal but I think it should take a back seat to your health! Not sure what you’re going through, just wanted to say you can/should take all the time you need! Your stories have been a great source of happiness for people like myself and I would hate to think the process causes you any unnecessary stress! Sorry if this isn’t helpful, I just hope things are going better for you!

this is really sweet and I really appreciate it!! the problem with everything going on right now is that I'd be significantly better off if I *could* just write because it genuinely helps me feel better

starting monday I'll be able to get back to working on my novel and taking breaks to work on Eternity's Embrace and maybe a few other small things, so things are looking up!

thank you for your concern tho <3 I'm so glad my writing can be that for you

#anonymous #ty <3 #I'm looking forward to getting back to writing it's getting me through the day

2 notes · View notes

milkybonya · 2 years

Note

Hi Milky!! I hope you had a nice day today 🥰 I'm graduating in just a few hours! I can't believe it 😭😭 me?? A college graduate?? Sounds fake 😭 but it sounds extra fake because I'm taking an extra year to pursue a certificate so I'll be at the same school taking undergraduate classes with kids 2-3 years younger than me 😭 But idk I'm really excited because my mom is coming to see me today for graduation 🥰 I missed her a lot! I've been making origami for her as stress relief and I'm going to be giving it to her today! I'm not the artistic child in the family so I'm sure it'll mean a lot that I tried for her.

Things have been going really well recently by the way! Finishing up classes and resting for the last few days has been nice. I still have to do work for my internship/second job idk what to call it lol but it's been low maintenance and I can do the work when I want (it's remote!). I'm sure things will pick up on Monday when I start classes but I've been practicing a lot of self care that I hope will carry forward into the summer! Even though I've had a lot going on, my mood has been fantastic. Writing to Kingdom I think has helped a lot. They are all so nice 🥺 Seeing them cheer my posts on Weverse occasionally really goes a long way. Even tho not much has changed since March when I was really going through it, I'm doing much better so idk we love that 🥰

I hope things are going well for you in Korea! Astro on the 28th ahhh have fun!! I don't follow Astro but they seem like very sweet and talented boys so I'm sure it'll be a great experience 🥰🤩 and studying at the YG Cafe?? Hello that sounds so cool! I can't believe you saw a flash of Yoshi 🥺 I can't imagine just hanging out where idols might be coming and going! If you're willing to share, I'd love to hear your favorite part about being in Korea! I'm sure it's hard to choose just one, but if you wanna tell me about a couple, I'd love to hear 🥰

And I just saw your post about writing a blurb for moots' birthdays. You're so sweet 😭🥺 My ult is Baekhyun but idk I feel like I'd rather read for Arthur 🥺 He's climbing up my ult chart very quickly. My birthday is March 21 :) so it's just a little far away lol I haven't been on Tumblr a lot recently (but I have your post notifs on so I always come check when I see you're posting) but I need to continue reading your Treasure drabbles. The ones I read were so cute 🥺🥺 You have such a sweet writing style. It always makes me so happy.

And I'm glad you laughed at my delulu edit LOL everytime I would look at it I started dying laughing. Like I'm so embarrassed I actually made that but I actually did such a good job?? Considering I have like no experience with photo ending I'm happy lol I actually sent it to Arthur on the fancafe a couple days ago 😭 They aren't active on there anymore but they still check the posts so he didn't comment on it but I can only imagine he is laughing at me. As he should tho, it was so silly lol

I hope you have a nice weekend! 💙

omg graduating in a few hours?! you must be graduated by now then, congratulations my love!!! ♡ i'm so proud of you, you did so well... ♡ and hey, even if you're going back to school after and with kids younger than you, that's okay! age is not important, but doing things you love is !

i hope you had a lovely time and with your mom too 💟 i hope she loved the origami!! i didn't know you can do origami :O that's so cool! what kinds of things do you make ?!

i'm so happy you've been getting rest ^^ i hope you're able to keep up the self care ! and that your internship and new classes go well :O you're doing so much omg i'm insanely proud! and so glad to hear things are well :") to be doing better despite things remaining the same is honestly so powerful ❣️

yes omg astro this weekend.. they dropped their new album too and i love it a lot >_< especially my bias, Jinjin, his solo !

i actually... fully saw ikon coming out of their cars and going into the building it was so insane ! seriously being there near where treasure and other yg artists are gives me so much energy T-T

omg my favourite part of korea?? it definitely is hard to choose but i think it's in the small things?? like how good the public transit is, how well-mannered and polite everyone is, the fact that cute cafés are everywhere, the food!! i don't really enjoy cooking so being able to eat out healthily for cheap is such a blessing T-T and omg the convenience stores !!! i love that there's a river near my house, too.. i go for runs there a lot ! oops i listed so many things T-T

i'll be adding your birthday--!!

i can't believe you have my post notifs on aHH you're so sweet i'll cry,,, 😭

seriously your edit made me die for a good 5 minutes hehe so i can only imagine Arthur must've died too!! i'm so glad you sent it to him but it's a shame they aren't so active :( it would be funny to see what he says !

i hope you have a lovely week up ahead 💟

#yutopiada talks #baekhyuns lipchain ;3;#beloved kelsey ♡#milky's moots

2 notes · View notes

mcknitface · 2 years

Text

My top 10 in advance of the final

so. i've finally written and thought about my actual top ten songs going into the final. i've actually also compiled my top 40 and my tops for the semis, but that's a bit late now. i'll do them in advance of next year though!

so, here, with comments, is my top ten for the final

1 - DE DIEPTE - an amazing song, by an amazing artist. i'm british but very into the dutch alt-pop scene (a joke scott and rylan made on tuesday) and when S10 was announced i was so excited. this song is everything i wanted and more - she's changed her style to suit a wider audience, and the da-da-da-da oeh-oeh aa-aa really brings in non dutch speakers, essential for this competition.

2 - MEÐ HÆKKANDI SÓL - wasn't too keen on the first listen (morning of sunday 13th march) but by the evening of the monday i was obsessed. amazing meaning behind the lyrics, and icelandic is such a lovely language to listen to. when this was announced as a qualifier i almost screamed (had to not tho as i was in the queue for a club) as i had prepared for the worst.

3 - LIGHTS OFF - one of the first entries to be released back in december. i had covid at the time, was on day 8 of 10 of isolation, and this buoyed me through the last two days. a great dance bop, the revamp arguably isn't as good but i love the pause before the chorus. she's improved a lot as a singer as well, literally screamed when this qualified, amazing song.

4 - IN CORPORE SANO - watched it, was bemused, watched again, watched again, looked up the lyrics, obsessed. amazing concept, almost performance art, i cannot get enough of this. look up the rest of her triptych, it's amazing. the other songs are called nobl and mekano, and the fact she entered the serbian national selection only to broaden her songs' reach, not intending to win, is iconic.

5 - HOLD ME CLOSER - i don't really have much to say here, it's just a very good song. a powerful chorus? maybe that's what draws me into it and separates it from other ballads for me.

6 - SENTIMENTAI - lithuanian is a beautiful language and it's amazing to finally have a song in it in the final. the older feeling of the song lends it an elegance and from everything that i've seen monika is an icon. i'm mostly excited about the lithuanian, but it's a song that i can't help swaying to. again i was thrilled when this qualified as it was borderline

7 - FULENN - i am in love with this devil-summoning masterpiece. something different from france, and in one of their marginalised langauges, really make this stand out. i particularly like the vibration-esque part of the second chorus, after the "tria' a ra ar c'haoud". great to have some celtic language representation as well, it's a travesty that we've (in the uk) never sent a welsh entry.

8 - TRENULEŢUL - this is another one which came out fairly early. i can't help bopping along to this and i really hope it does well in the final. it's such a jolly song with a serious meaning behind it, and the music video is so fun. not sure what i think of the slight revamp - i will still listen to the original - but i understand why it was revamped for the stage.

9 - SNAP - a non-offensive song with a great staging (that's unaffected by the broken sun). i didn't really pay attention to this until the second rehearsal on youtube, but i really do like it. maybe not something i'll still be listening to in a year, but definitely one i want to see do well.

10 - LLÁMAME - a nice surprise qualifier from thursday. the song definitely works better when you can see it being performed, but nonetheless it's a great song, with great choreo, and we love us some bisexual representation.

in case anyone is interested, my original top ten was the netherlands, iceland, czechia, slovenia, serbia, sweden, latvia, croatia, lithuania and france. semi one was particularly painful - i'd like to have seen thirteen of those songs through (but only seven from semi two)

judge me as you will, and enjoy the final!

#eurovision 2022 #eurovision #esc #eurovision song contest #top 10 #netherlands #iceland #czechia #serbia #sweden #lithuania #france #moldova #armenia #romania

6 notes · View notes

borderline-gays-club · 4 months

Text

12/23/23. 10:48 am

I’m more deeply realizing how much time BPD takes away from you. And I’m thinking abt this is my present self not even just from the past.

Bc it’s easy to see how much time BPD has taken away from me: from substance abuse times, being in fucked up relationships/situationships, being an addict in general, deep chronic depression, etc etc.

And now that I’m past the most chaotic self and leaning into some semblance of internal stability, I’m really looking at it from this current perspective.

I was chatting with my friend abt how I’ve been a lot less triggered lately. Or if I do get triggered I can move thru it with much more ease and can get myself to a neutral state much faster. And I realized it’s bc I’ve had a lot more time to myself these days, and I’ve been able to move through life at a slower pace. Which is still not slow enough imo, bc I’m still constantly stressed abt money and the future but it’s worse with that stress on top of being overly burnt out.

I’ve only been working one day a week for the past 2 ish months which has been a blessing. I’ll have to go back to my 30 hours nxt month but im glad I just had this time I did get. Moneys been fully fucked lol, but honestly I’ve been learning how to still make the best of what I have. And after this month I’ll b ok again financially. More or less.

Anyway, working thru BPD triggers takes a lot of TIME. Like long term and short term. The long term work is that consistent daily practice (if not daily as much as possible) of learning urself, reflecting, learning skills, etc etc. and that takes a lot of time. When I was working btwn three jobs I sure as hell did not have the time or energy to be reflective. Burnt out means im on edge and brain dead lol. I can’t work with that. And now I’ve been taking Monday fully to myself where I have no responsibility for anyone but myself. And these mondays have been great. Even tho I’ll prob only have one more fill day to myself bc of a new job, I think I’ll still do like a half day or something.

As someone with BPD, I really need time to recharge and b fully alone. I need that time everyday and I need it every week. I’ll work with the time I’ll have.

And then going back to the short term working thru triggers, that shot can take hours or even overnight to really work thru that immediate intensity of feeling. And I’ve noticed I’ve been getting better at it. It’s still difficult but this process is slow and I’m really learning patience.

I remember the question being posed on a Reddit BPD thread, “if you could get rid of ur BPD wud u?” And I remember at the time I thought no I wouldn’t. It’s everything I know, it makes me me and it’s my whole personality. But now I fully don’t feel that way at all. Not even a little bit. If there was a magical pill or solution that cud immediately get rid of it I would think twice. That shit wud b gone!!! It’s because I’m slowly revealing my personality and identity that’s been buried under this godforsaken disorder. And I’m grateful for these constant shifts and changes that I’ve been consistently going thru.

And it’s crazy bc I haven’t been going to therapy nearly as much bc I’ve been broke as shit and yet I’m able to make active change within myself. It’s really amazing. Also not saying I don’t need therapy lol, if anything I still need at least two therapists. But under these tight and undesirable circumstances I’m still able to work thru all of it.

Anyway I guess In conclusion BPD just steals ur time away and it feels like a full time job that I’m constantly working overtime at with no pay lol. But it’s possible for this full time job to slowly become part time and eventually just become a little side gig haha. Im grateful everyday for this diagnosis (not for the disorder), bc now I know how to move forward. Since I got diagnosed my life has changed so dramatically.

#actually bpd #bpd #bgc #bpd thoughts #quiet borderline #actually borderline #bpd shit

1 note · View note

j9squared · 10 months

Text

#0002

i think im having an identity crisis? or maybe i just need to have some sort of emotional release?

im really not sure tbh.

i think what brought this on was mainly me asking my friend if she wanted to go to the movies with me and she took forever to respond and we ended up not going and im kind of regretting just going myself.

also my other friend and my cousin went to these junk car races and didn't invite me and im a little touchy about that because idk really. i think i might just be lonely and my feeling of having no friends is just an exaggeration.

idk it probably also doesnt help that my birthday was last sunday and i turned 25? ive never been good at handling aging and birthdays but ive definitely gotten better lately. when i was a kid i dreaded my birthday because i was terrified of getting older but now im sort of okay with it. i remember one birthday i think i was turning 7 and i was just bawling in my room because i couldnt stand the thought of being a year older.

i also feel as though i have no direction in life? like, i have worked a pretty dead end job since i graduated high school, i only went to college for a year and that was 2 years ago. and i still have no actual clue what i want to do with my life. i should probably go to a therapist about this because im sure there has to be something up that i have no direction in life.

also im really not sure if im a lesbian, i think i might just be bi with a major interest in girls? idk theres this one guy that i feel like i keep in my back pocket that i can never shake my feelings for? we dated briefly and we still kinda talk through snapchat and idk i just think he might be my soul mate potentially? ive known him since high school and i dated his friend for a year back then.

a couple of good things that happened this week tho are that i went to a water park/hotel with my cousins and got sunburnt. i also got eyelash extensions which i think i look super cute in. i also took this week off work since i had to work on my birthday and im kind of looking forward to going back to work monday and seeing all of my work friends.

uh anyways

#ramblings #identity crisis #long post sorry #blogging #girl blogging

0 notes

slippery-minghus · 10 months

Text

collapsed on my couch allowing myself to quietly whine vocal stim because i feel so awful and it does help just a little and i realized oh... i am profoundly lonely.

i might fall apart for real if i had someone to let me cry in their arms right now tho soooo

lonely is better

i can at least keep a shred of sanity this way

(kinda fucking starting to hate where this chapter in therapy is going. making it harder to ignore the gaping pit of lonely despair in my soul isn't actually going to make being around other people any safer sooooooo.... can we please put this shit back in the hole where i buried it??)

(and semi related but i was thinking earlier... how long it's been since i've had someone i could talk to about things that are more than surface level. someone i could tell, without being overwhelmed with guilt for burdening them with my bullshit, that i didn't sleep well last night. and tell them in more detail and with more feeling than the superficial gripe to my coworker who is impossible to hold a conversation with.

it's been like? 5 months? since i broke up with my ex but i think about him hardly once a month. this time last year we were having such an amazing time in disneyland. that trip was the highlight of our reunion. but i look back and our relationship and we never talked. we were always chattering about nothing, and i could never be away from my phone for long. but i couldn't talk openly with him. because of my own baggage and projection i'm sure. but he just felt so fragile to me. i couldn't rely on him for anything. enough that i don't think it was 100% my baggage projections. ...there's gotta be people out there who can handle someone as broken as m— i need to stop that thought there.

on monday my manager was filling in at the front desk with me and we don't get to talk much, but the way we fell right in to comfortable chitchat was so... refreshing. even though i think it's what's jostled up a lot of these old pains since. i've decidedly become very private at work because i can't talk comfortably to anyone, but monday afternoon? i was a--comparitively--open book. and it was so nice. to just talk. and not feel like i was being ignored or offering ammunition for shit talking. to not feel like i was failing the social interaction.

i want to say i wish i wasn't so lonely, but i don't think i'm ready for that. i hesitate to even phrase it as a state that will change. i'm terrified of people. fundamentally incompatible. incapable of providing for and meeting another person's needs. probably abusive because of that (anything less than total abdication of myself in service of the other person is...me being a cruel and self centered abuser. how could it not be, when it's me?). so it's easier to say that i wish being lonely would stop hurting so much.

the pain doesn't fix anything.)

#nik gets more vulnerable than usual in their tumblr diary #personal

0 notes

Last Seen Blogs

lucas-remoussin

Lucas Rémoussin - Art and Ideas for all

strawbunni-shortcake

with your help we can get that man pregnant

wrynnindoubt

Wrynn in doubt..

bklnpoet

David Cooper, Poet, Poetry Translator, Book Critic

amypoehlerandotherthings-blog

Amy Poehler & Other Things