#feel like if anyone was gonna be careful about it being reopened i think it be him
Note
Okay, I've had this idea bouncing around in my head, waiting for you to reopen suggestions, haha. How do you think the Origins Companions + Halsin, Rolan, Dammon, and Zevlor would react if they found out that Tav had been hiding a very serious injury from them? The kind of injury where Tav is convinced that they're fine and they don't want to worry anyone with something they can handle on their own, especially the people they care most for, but as they try to ignore the injury it only gets worse until it's potentially life threatening and they can't keep up the facade anymore. I will leave it up to you whether or not Tav and the other individual are in a romantic relationship. I think both ways have potential for wonderful angst 😆
ooohhh noooooo! but also oh yes, LOVE this sort of angst lol. written as if you have had an infection come on from an injury. this is gonna be a long list so let's buckle up...
Astarion
really tries to hide his panic but fails miserably.
can't help but start snapping - how could you keep something like this from him?
you try to give your excuses but he waves them away, angry, but mostly because he's terrified that he might have lost you.
if he has any healing potions he helps you take them, if he doesn't he immediately... sources some from somewhere.
holds you as tight as he dares, worried that he will aggravate the injury otherwise.
as you begin to heal and drift off to sleep he spends the whole night watching you rest, making sure that you're still breathing, still safe. doesn't mind when you cuddle up to him in the night, sleepily.
Gale
curses himself for not noticing your condition. he's a wizard, damn it! he's meant to be bloody perceptive.
wishes for the first time ever that he didn't just know wizard spells. wishes he knew how to heal, too.
makes you as comfortable as he can while he finds a book about what he can do for an infected wound, probably swallowing his pride and going to Shadowheart if it's bad enough.
you manage a weak, "Gale, you don't have to--", and he cuts you off, "if you're going to insist that I don't have to look after you, I'm telling you that I do."
fixes you something to help with the pain and infection, makes sure you drink it all despite the horrid taste, then tucks you into his bedroll to let you rest.
when you go to reach out and cuddle him he slips into your arms, presses his lips to your hair, and whispers as you fall asleep about how much you scared him. about how he'd never be able to lose you.
Lae'zel
only realises how unwell you are when you fall over mid-journey.
"tsk'va! why did you hide the extent of your injuries from me?"
hauls you onto her back and carries you back to camp, muttering about your foolishness the whole time.
makes you comfortable in her tent and uses her knowledge of githyanki medicine to help start healing you.
it isn't comfortable as she works on your infection but for the first time you feel her hands being soft rather than vicious.
"you should not have kept this from me." "I know. I'm sorry." "hm. ridiculous thing. zhak vo'n'fynh duj."
goes and intimidates the camp into being quiet so you can rest. it works. this is the nicest she's ever been to you. you could get used to it.
Shadowheart
obviously this is not a huge problem for her, but she is still worried that it got so far without her noticing.
immediately heals you, pouring far too many spell slots into your body in order to get it up and running again.
it helps, immediately breaking the fever you've been nursing, and the touch of Shadowheart's hand to your face is cooling and reassuring.
"lady shar teaches us to embrace our pain... but not like this. you should have known better. you could have died."
her hand slips down to cup your cheek, you cover it with one of your own. she's telling you off but you can tell it's because she cares.
"I'm sorry that I scared you." "I know. don't do it again."
she smiles and the ache in your heart is lifted, too.
Wyll
panics.
you collapse on day in camp and he immediately calls on the others for help, not so proud as to be unable to admit when something is out of his knowledge. he is not a healer. he needs help.
he manages to catch you in his arms as you tumble, hugging you close to his chest while magic is worked or a healer checks you over.
lets out a breath he didn't realise he was holding when you begin to stabilise.
helps you back to your tent to rest, gently chiding you but letting you know that he's glad you're alright.
when your hand weakly comes up to touch him, he indulges you in a kiss to let you know how relieved he is.
constantly watching you on the battlefield from that moment on. if he can help it, you'll never be hurt again.
Karlach
another panicker.
scoops you up in her arms and holds you to her chest, running to the tent of the nearest healer in camp - or, if you're in the city, kicking down the door of a local doctor.
begging the healer to check you over, but is reluctant to let you go. if she stops holding you it's like she's relinquishing control and that scares the life out of her.
you're healed and she feels you start to stir in her arms, peppering you with kisses of relief, choking through her tears that you're never to scare her like that again.
carries you back home, even if you're totally capable of walking. she just wants to make sure you're okay.
Halsin
sternly disappointed that you didn't tell him, but more annoyed that he didn't notice something was wrong himself. how could he not see how out of balance with nature you were?
squirrels you away to his tent to heal you, make you soothing and medicinal teas, his big hands over the source of the infection.
you burrow into his touch, into his chest, and you end up sitting in his lap as he heals you.
he wants to tell you off a little, but is more relieved that you're alright. encourages you to share all your burdens with him.
kisses you on the forehead, then on the mouth when he's sure you're strong enough for it not to knock you flat.
Dammon
my poor boy is just a blacksmith, so though he doesn't exactly panic, he does scoop you up and try to find a healer as soon as he can.
waits quietly and nervously as you are examined, silently cursing himself for being too busy to see how you were hurt. he's meant to be better than this. he's meant to love you, how didn't he notice?
when you come to he can't stop apologising, and it takes several of your kisses to soothe him and tell him it was not his fault but yours.
he makes you promise that you'll always tell him when you're hurt. has you look into his eyes and swear it.
he can't do much on the battlefield but he can protect you where he can.
Rolan
another one cursing that he doesn't know healing spells.
"you aren't meant to die, gods damn it! you're meant to be strong... what good am I if I can't keep you safe..."
rushes you to the best doctor in Baldur's Gate. pays for all the treatment that you could need. holds your hand at your bedside for your entire recovery... until you come back to consciousness, of course, at which point he just starts telling you off for being stupid enough to get into his mess in the first place.
you grab him by the collar and drag him down for a kiss. that finally shuts him up. but he never lets you forget how foolish you were.
Zevlor
practical but still worried about you.
you collapse in the field and he finds a safe place to hide the both of you from dangerous eyes, using his Lay on Hands ability to channel his magic into healing.
you try to apologise but a finger to your lips silences you, and all you can do is watch in quiet wonder as he burns the infection out with his Paladin's light.
when you're better he gently chides you. tells you that you have people relying on your leadership, and that a problem shared means there are more heads working on how to fix it.
when he sees how sorry you are lets you cuddle into him. when you say you'll repay him, he insists your happiness and well-being is enough for an old warrior like him.
does take the kiss you offer, though. he's been wanting to do that for a while...
#Zevlor x reader#zevlor bg3 x reader#Zevlor x tav#dammon x reader#damon bg3 x reader#Dammon x tav#rolan x tav#rolan x reader#rolan bg3 x reader#gale of waterdeep x reader#Gale of waterdeep x tav#Astarion x reader#astarion x tav#halsin x reader#halsin x tav#wyll x tav#wyll x reader#wyll ravengard x reader#my writing#Long post#bg3 imagine#Gale x reader#Gale x tav#lae'zel x reader#lae'zel x tav#karlach x reader#karlach x tav#shadowheart x reader#shadowheart x tav#companions x tav
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Hurting myself over and over thinking about my insecure MC who found self confidence during her relationship with Chris and how absolutely shattered she was seeing them with her sister of all people. Girls gonna have so many issues going forward, but now I'm curious how the ROs (and Chris and Jade) would react to seeing a previously secure MC revert back into their shell, maybe a little more than before.
I can't wait for MC glow-up. It will happen it must~ Below the cut <3
💔 Chris - They would feel..guilt is it guilt they're feeling as they look at you? They never feel guilty, not really and not to this extent. So why now? Is it because the person they knew, the one they came to love, the one they were going to marry, is no longer the person they knew. All because of them. They had gotten so used to you, secure in yourself in your emotions, that now you look broken to them.
💀 Jade - this bitch. Jade always had the limelight, the attention. All eyes were always on her, not because MC couldn't shine, but because Jade refused to let them. Now it's as it used to be, when they were growing up, Jade again the star of her own show, from her own making. She might notice the lackluster smile, the sullen look on your face. Does she notice it's there because of her, because of her jealousy? That's for Jade to know.
❤️ Cam - If anyone notices what you're going through, it's Cam. He knew what you were like growing up, no matter how many compliments or kind words he gave your way, you never truly grew until you were with Chris. That hurt him to a degree, but not nearly as much as seeing you now. Seeing how you've become a shell of your former self. No longer confident, no longer sure of yourself. He knows, whose responsible, and he'll be damned if he lets them by with it. He holds you close, hugging you up on the couch as he listens to you, soaking every word in. Every single detail he will remember, think about later, and be angry. Think about it later and want to tell you how he feels how much he appreciates you, believes in you, loves you.
💙 G - They remember what you were like in college before Chris. How you changed when you got with them. How they were jealous they weren't the one to bring that out in you. They admired you when you came into your own. That's something G was never able to do. Seeing you now brings up the feelings from back then. From that night. That fight. Like a closed wound being reopened. They fight the grimace as they look at you, trying to hide their concern. To let you think they don't miss you, want to console you. They're not sure they can do that for long, not with how depressed you look, lost. They reach out for you, you notice. Normally they would pull away, not wanting to feel these emotions for you, but this time. G holds your hand, without uttering a word, squeezing it for reassurance.
💚 Kara - She struggles seeing you because she knows one of the few people she cares about caused it. When she sees you at work almost as if you're in a daze. She tries to say something, several times in fact. Each time she stops herself, worried that if Chris has you feeling this way, her talking to you will have a similar effect. When you catch her staring she smiles at you. It's all she can offer right now when she refuses to come to terms with Chris's betrayal.
💛 M - They didn't know you before, but they can't hide the worry on their face. The worry that you're not okay. M will be kind, and soft in their words. Offering a shoulder to cry on, tea to comfort you. M knows pain, maybe not one from a relationship, but they can see it on your face. While you may think M is quiet because of their awkwardness, it's because they're storing what they hear for later. When you feel more like talking when you can hold back the tears that cascade down your cheeks. Because, M will want to talk you through this, to let you know you do matter.
🧡 Isaac - They know betrayal, they know the ache of losing someone, of being betrayed by that one you trusted. They will be angry, look angry. Because the look you have is the one they used to have. The one they fought to hide away, to mask under their flirty banter and jokes. They will try to cheer you up, knowing that what they say won't help not really. But it's all they can offer you, besides a shoulder. You don't know each other well enough for that. Not yet..
🖤 Ardent - He has two modes, either he's yelling when he's angry, or he's quiet. You're not sure which one is worse. Yet the look he gives you makes you think it might be this one, only because it unsettles you. There is a kindness and warmth you weren't expecting from anyone, especially him. He tries to talk to you, teases you, and annoys you really into saying or doing something. When that doesn't suffice he just sits beside you. Doesn't talk, doesn't ask if you're alright. You suppose your face is evident enough of that. After several minutes he stands and looks back at you before going into his apartment. "When you're ready." and motions to the door before entering. He'll be here when you need him. If you need.
#loveandleases#love and leases#twine wip#if wip#upcoming if#asks#cam#ardent#g#isaac#m#kara#angst#sad times#chris#jade#loverofsappho
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one of my favorite details about liam is the fact that he is very nice!!!! but he does NOT seem to get manners
his whole motive thruout season 2 is that he wants to save the others. from the looks of it, he doesnt CARE about the revenge part that much. like yeah itd be nice to stop the guy that physically harmed and killed you bc he did that, but thats an afterthought really - and i didnt interpret liam trying to kill airy even as an attempt at revenge so much as an extremely irrational and extremely stress-induced method of trying to make sure his friend + the others DIDNT get sent to the plane. his main priority is repeatedly that he wants to stop this from happening to anyone else. the only time he mentions himself is when saying that he 'cant live the rest of his life not knowing WHY this happened' (thats paraphrased) but that is immediately followed up w concern for this happening to other people
ofc, he also thinks he literally Has Nothing so the lengths he goes to to save the others CAN be interpretted as not things he would do if he thought he could go back to normal but at that point, thats just extremely specific speculation and i dont think thats supposed to be whats conveyed. some situations wouldnt even be necessarily related to him not having anything, so much as related to helping the others. he still throws himself into everything after "remembering what its like to have a life again." even when he realizes that he doesnt HAVE to have lost everything, he still cared and wanted to help the others more
i think he wanted closure, yeah, but he really did want to save the others. the scene of him helping julien is there for a narrative reason, after all (though i dont wanna get into that bc id go on a tangent about narrative choices in ONE). hell, hes the only one to try to get charlie out of the way of the stakes! (not that the others didnt try, but i feel like the intended take-away of liams general nature is fairly clear)
anyway, liam is nice!! he cares a lot abt others and doesnt want bad things to happen to them, and hes ok with bad things happening to him if it can help them.
but he does NOT understand a lot of social etiquette, or the concept of being polite.
my favorite example of this is the whole discussion abt going to go see bradley. when the restaurant gets shut down, liams first thought is to go 'sooooo. you dont have work, right?' when liam realizes he cant pay for the laptop, he just kinda. 'i dont have any money.' and stares at bryce like a cat looking at your plate of sandwich meat, waiting for you to inevitably give them some
this isnt even ONLY after the 7 months, theres hints of this trait before then! when amelia is talking abt stone making her team when the challenge, he just goes 'yeah sorry.' then talks abt how texty won their teams challenge, pointedly when texty is RIGHT there. liam doesnt even say goodnight back to owen! (this ones less impolite than the others but i think its silly to include)
it should be noted tho, that while this ISNT present before and after the plane, it DOES show up more prominently afterwards, and this could very much be the stress! but looking at WHY its more prominent afterwards also feels like it points more towards this just being How He Is.
all of the things hes kinda impolite abt? are things where he is TRYING to be nice, or arent unkind inherently. hes going to talk to bradley? well, doesnt bryce want to come? driving him there is more efficient anyway. oh you have work? well now you dont! so now things are easier! staying here isnt gonna make the restaurant reopen anyway! (liam also probably does NOT have the same weight associated w jobs that bryce does, since liam hasnt had a job in a capitalist society in 7 months. its probably still subconsciously there, but not at the forefront when the plane is still out there). i crashed your car? well, i think the lives of others matters a little more. you can get a new car, but if something happens to airys contestants WHO KNOWS whatll happen to them
a lot of it, i think, is made more extreme by stress and trauma, yeah, but these are patterns in logic that seem to already discard manners as being that relevant. and i, autistic, chose to view that as something hes just Like. hes not a dick and he doesnt ever mean to be! but also if someone can do something fairly minor to do something more important, why does he NEED to be polite abt it?? whats the POINT you get the same message across! and thats assuming he even REALIZES these things are "impolite," based on a lot of his interactions w vryce, i legitimately dont think he realizes how he acts could sometimes be considered 'impolite'
where bryce is knowingly kind of rude sometimes and doesnt care (though is STILL kind, he is just more blunt and uninterested in sounding nice, which i could do an entirely different essay on the autism of), liam seems to not really notice manners, nor does he think theyre very important to consider, and i just. really love that about his character :)
this is the kind of guy that, if you stubbed ur toe, hed probably not say 'oohh, sorry :(' and hed just be 'dang, that sucks' and move on
#hfjone#liam hfjone#yes im maintagging this bc i like my liam analysis#i LOVE characters who are kind but dont acknowledge manners#i point at a character i like and go im going to give you the highest honor i can bestow and its an autism diagnosis#also the reason i care abt this is because i see a lot of ppl write him as concerned abt how he comes across and being a bit shy abt it?#and like!!!! thats ok#different interpretations of the same character can exist!!!#esp w a character whose actual personality is fairly muddled by the events of the story#but i also overanalyze characters and have noticed this trait of his and i think id like to see it in more interpretations#bc its how i see him and i think its very fun!!! though that could just be me :)#idm the other interpretations of liams personality i just wanted to throw this one out there bc i think abt it a lot#and i dont think it changes much but as an autistic i enjoy interpretting liam this way :)#anyway. liam autism forever 🎉🎉🎒🎉🎉🎉#hfjone spoilers
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panicked (Angstpril 2024, #27)
[ Previously: phantom pain ]
// Connected to SIGNAL//NOISE //
// phase!0x7F >> noise!0x01 //
// Secure message self-destruct timer set to one cycle.
phase:
> something happened to Siv last night. Julia took him over to the medical center earlier
> nobody will tell me what's going on or whether he's okay
> I don't know what I'm supposed to tell Lev and Lisa. I don't even know what Julia's telling everyone in the garage
noise:
> ...Fuck. Okay.
> Well, I'm already on my way over. I'll help you get things settled.
> You know the override code for the office?
phase:
> don't need it
> he gave me access once I started helping with the network.
noise:
> Alright. I'm still ten or twenty millicycles out.
> Hang tight.
----
"Dylan. Relax. You're starting to make me nervous."
"…Sorry." They stop spinning in the desk chair, trying to think of something -- anything -- to distract them. Anything to keep from panicking. The others will still be asleep for a while yet, and in any case, Dylan doesn't have much hope of anyone being particularly productive at the moment. "Maybe I should just keep things closed down for now, reopen the lab when Siv gets back."
"I mean… yeah. You could. But that's not gonna do anybody any favors, is it? And you know how he is -- he's gonna come back and feel like everything's fallen behind schedule."
That doesn't make the idea of trying to run the prototyping lab any less daunting -- even if it's only for a few cycles. But still… Cyrus is probably right.
"How are you being so calm about this?"
"Not the first time I've seen it. This happens every couple of macrocycles or so -- this is just… ahead of schedule." Cyrus pulls out his console and plugs in his network chip, perches on the workbench. "Siv said it's all that old data processor hardware, runs hot every once in a while."
"He was a processor?" They think for a tick about the programs who flock together in one corner of the SPARC Club, their data jacks glowing dimly in the low light. The older programs they gather around, most of whom have long since retired. Their silent laughter, entire conversations carried out in pings. "I didn't know that."
"Yeah. One of the first. Back before all the restrictions -- it took a long time for anyone to put together the long-term effects." Cyrus doesn't exactly pause there, but Dylan still gets the feeling there's something he's not telling them. "That's why they've all got external hardware now. Prevents things like this from happening in the first place. Sometimes, there's ways to mitigate it… but they haven't found anything that works for Siv yet."
"…Is he gonna be okay?"
"Yeah. Might still be a bit scrambled when he gets home, but once he's had a chance to get settled--"
The opening door cuts him off; a shock of fight-flight-freeze in Dylan's circuits -- no one else should be able to enter this room uninvited, unless --
But it's just Julia, thankfully. She offers Dylan a small smile -- Cyrus, not so much. He doesn't look surprised, or even remotely disturbed by her intrusion -- he must have heard her coming, somehow. Sometimes it feels like nothing gets to him.
And if he notices Julia's general coolness toward him, he doesn't seem to mind it. "Don't worry about bringing Dylan up to speed, I already took care of it. --How is he?"
"Um…" Julia sighs, that look Dylan's seen a few times; it's not good news. "They've got him in stasis right now. It's the only way they can keep his energy processing stable. Said they're gonna monitor for the rest of the cycle, and then they'll call me before they try bringing him back up again."
"So he's just…. alone?" Dylan shivers, ice creeping into their circuits. "I mean, even in stasis…"
"I know. I don't like it either, but Siv's repeatedly said he'd rather have me staying busy than worrying about him every time this happens. That's just how he is." She shrugs. "Do you need help getting things opened up?"
"No. I can handle it. Thanks, though."
"No problem. --But hey, come find me if you run into any problems, okay?" Her expression makes it perfectly clear what problems she's talking about -- and all of them have orange circuits. And then she turns to Cyrus, and her voice goes quiet. "And you -- do not get involved."
"Yeah, I know. Siv and I already had that discussion, after last time." He smiles grimly, like maybe discussion isn't really the right word. "Staying out of this one."
"Good." She looks around like she's making sure everything's in place around the office; her gaze lands, for a tick, on the row of sealed vacuum canisters above Siv's desk. "Don't break anything."
"Well… no promises there."
She doesn't look amused, and he doesn't particularly look like he cares. Dylan can't imagine being on the other side of that glare, let alone instigating it. Purposefully.
Cyrus waits until she leaves, then busies himself with feeding the code fragments. Dylan watches as far as they can -- the careful way he pops the cubes out of the freezer trays, each looking far too much like translucent grey voxels. They have to look away as he drops them in; the faint hiss of the fragments bubbling up around them is more than enough.
"You think he'd notice if I switched a couple of them around?" Cyrus drops the last set of cubes in, then sets the tray in the condenser to repopulate. "Like, physically moved them. He's got 'em labeled underneath, but I wonder how long it'd take him to figure it out."
"Probably not long." The initial sounds are quieting now; when Dylan looks up, the fragments are back to their slow shifts, and they can look at them without feeling sick. "Apparently they all act different."
"Hm." He picks up the first one on the left, eyeing it carefully, then swaps it with the one to its right. "We'll see."
"Oh, he's gonna hate this." They go in order, if Dylan remembers correctly. "That doesn't seem fair. Siv said yours and mine were pretty similar."
"Yeah. If I'm not here when he figures it out, I need you to show me what happens. For the sake of scientific inquiry." But Cyrus' grin fades, his mind obviously drifting to less-pleasant things. "Even when he gets home, it'll be a few cycles before he's back up to speed. The network's gonna get restless in the meantime."
"Right. What are you gonna tell them?"
Unlike Dylan, Cyrus doesn't have the option to wait it out. Something like ten thousand programs on the network now, at last count, expecting that start-of-cycle transmission. And about ten percent of them on the chat relay -- whose concern will be far less distant.
"…I don't know."
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TBHK Analysis: Chapter 90
Let’s start with “wow, I suck at predicting where this story will go, but AidaIro makes me not mind that at all.”
Okay. On with the analysis:
Firstly, yay I was right about one thing - they’re not dead yet.
Now, from there...there’s two stories playing out here, side by side; SIx’s, and Kou’s. So I’m going to treat them separately, and start with the shorter one: Six’s.
From what Six says here, it seems clear enough that he did care greatly for Sumire - and may not realize she’s been with him this whole entire time, because from what both of them have said they haven’t seen each other or spoken to each other since their deaths. Sumire didn’t have the option. Six...I think didn’t have the curiosity. His entire existence was predicated on receiving commands, and from what everyone’s said in the story up to now, Six got the job of BEING ‘Six’ and then just...focused on that? Completely, to the exclusion of all else, which is why the other wonders know very little about him. And why he’d not know Sumire was in the heart of his domain this entire time - that would require a degree of self-knowledge he clearly just hasn’t got.
And that he regrets not having.
Six does prove able to think for himself and to feel - he doesn’t hurt children, doesn’t WANT to hurt children. That’s a want, which for him is damn near unique. But he comes off in this chapter as very old, very tired, and very sad.
I don’t know that I would call him dead at the end of this chapter, though, any more than I was willing to call Kou dead before. Hanako took several heavy strikes from that exact sword and is still around. Six is strong and Kou is not. There’s wiggle room in the narrative for either outcome.
Now, let’s talk about Kou.
The lid comes off the pressure cooker that is Kou in this chapter, and we get to see just how wound up he’s gotten, for how long, and why. He thinks of himself as weak (which is reinforced by Teru, Hanako, and now Six) and unworthy of anyone’s trust (which is...not entirely without merit, but I’d say it’s more that he lacks knowledge than power most of the time. Can’t blame him for thinking otherwise, though).
We see, from his perspective, a terrified Mitsuba breaking up into doritos, which pretty much tells us where Kou was during the severance and what he experienced. We see, from Kou’s perspective, Hanako cradling the unconscious Yashiro as he explains that Yashiro will die soon. These are not new pressures. They’ve been weighing on him for a while now (though, admittedly, seeing Mitsuba dorito out could only have been days ago in the story’s timeline, he’s been trying to help Mitsuba for longer, and seeing Mitsuba go out like that had to be another knife in the gut). We see Teru defeating Kou easily, and telling him he’s weak. That he’s playing the hero.
Now, what Kou says to Six is scattered over all the panels showing all this, so let me recopy it here into one paragraph because it’s worth taking what he says here and giving it serious consideration.
I’m weak and stupid, so nobody ever depends on me. Nobody ever needs me, either. But who cares about that! I’m gonna beat your ass! I’ll defeat you, and take back Akane-senpai. I’ll save my brother, who’s been badly injured, and Aoi-senpai too. If I ruin the ceremony, the boundaries will be reopened. All of the supernaturals that disappeared will return, and I’ll get [Mitsuba] to come back too. With your ability to control both life and death, I might even be able to do something about [Yashiro’s] lifespan. If I can just do that, then everyone’ll - It’s not about their expectations, or their hopes! I’m gonna make everybody happy.
Just...read that. Read that in one go. And remember what Kou knows:
1) You can be a living supernatural. You have to eat a supernatural to do it.
2) Eating the heart of a Wonder can let you claim the Wonder’s power - and their seat.
“With your ability to control both life and death” is the most explicit he gets, but that entire speech is predicated on not just ‘defeating’ Six, but taking Six’s place. He wants Six’s power - would need it, to do any of the things he lists here.
This is where I reiterate that we do not know that Six is defeated at the end of this chapter. But by goddamn I actually really hope he is, because honestly? Watching Kou take such a serious step, all on his own, disastrous though it might prove to be, would be a major character moment for Kou. He’s spent this entire manga playing second or even third fiddle to everyone, wanting to help but almost never having the power or the means to do anything meaningful. HANDING him that power, like this? Would REALLY shake the setting up and it could lead to some great future moments. What would Teru do, for example, if Kou saves Teru’s life by becoming the new Six? What would Akane do? How will Hanako react?
And Six’s final thoughts reiterate that Kou taking such a step would be a major shaking-up of the status quo. Happiness is something he never asked for, nor was ever asked for. It’s never been part of Six. But if Kou does what he strongly implies he’s about to do, the whole world’s going to feel it.
I for one really hope it happens. I am back to rubbing my hands gleefully for the next chapter.
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Hey Sosa! I got a question! So whenever reader is mad at byakuya how do you think he’s make up for it? Does he buy her things and grovel at her feet? What’s your take on it?
me folding like a sheet and looking for a byakuya bot on c.ai to talk to when u sent me this..................KJKDJS BUT HIII NONNIE! i can't begin to express how excited and hype i was to receive this ask and you explicitly want my take on it. i mean, me???? of all people??? i am HONORED.
i truly love this question like eek! excited to talk abt byakuya <3 i'm gonna assume that you saw my recent post answering an ask from a mutual about rich bf / fiancé!byakuya soooo i'm just gonna build off that, but i still think this can apply to him regardless of that.
so, if and when you get at him for something (maybe you got into an argument w him or something) there's just....silence at first. like he is soooo prideful it's almost kind of sick, and you're just very persistent in wanting him to see things from your point of view so this segues into you being petty and not talking to him for the moment. his face remains stoic, as if he doesn't really care and he'll let you "blow off steam" but deep down......he is...he doesn't like it. doesn't like you being upset or mad for any reason, especially not at him. it breaks his wittle heart :(
he starts to question if whatever he did or said was wrong, and when he does realize the mistake, this is when he'll resort to buying you things to make up for it because byakuya kuchiki is a man of (silent) action and not words. he's never really been good at words in instances like this.
so he'll gift you a bracelet, necklace, or some other kind of jewelry here, maybe your favorite foods, some accessories, new clothes (because he IS the partner that knows your exact size in everything), and he may even give you just straight cash to have you buy whatever else you wanted.
but to stand your ground, you don't accept anything he gives you. and this hurts him even more because he was confused on why you were refusing him in this manner too. that's when he realizes you were really serious,...and really upset with him. he almost resembled a disappointed child that has been lied to all their lives.
byakuya is such a....he broods when you're upset with him. like anyone that comes in his vicinity can feel the sadness and melancholic energy emanating off him, and if someone rubbed him the wrong way even a little, he'd be meaner than he usually is.
this is when he finally does his very best and talk to you.
when you enter his vast penthouse, the moment you start to make a beeline away from him, he grabs you gently by the wrist, and your head slowly turns to look at his handsome but somber visage. his head is lowered, eyes preferring to look at your legs rather than your face, and a hand clenched in his pocket, his eyes fluttered closed for a moment before reopening them again.
"my love...let us-- let me stop this. i...i apologize. i didn't mean to upset you, nor did i mean for this silence to persist for this long." he would gently tug your body closer, until you were nearly pressed up against each other. he looked down at you with solemn silvery gray eyes and his lips hovered near your face. "let us talk about this properly. i promise to keep an open mind, and will not act the same as before. i admit it was somewhat childish of me."
"i miss you." his deep voice would lower in tone as his lips brushed against yours. and you missed him too. when you breathed out his name in a barely audible whisper and closed the distance between your lips, you knew you had already forgiven him <3
and when he attempts to spoil you again this time with gifts, you gladly accept with a kiss on his cheek :)
#*☆ﾟ. destinies cross ── asks.#nonnie!#i love having a bleach brain rot <3#sIGHHH OKAY#this got really long...........clearly got carried away#is this even coherent? idk but yeah i love this#he's so </3#byakuya 💓
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More copied from Twitter dot com only that is relationship hcs
you know what gonna ramble about zinnia🧵🧵not really ship just ideas for relationship with zaku~
Why did zinnia n zakuro start off a rough start?
Well it all started by a simple question ment for qu and zinnia, "what are you two(relationship)?" And while starless has a no personal info policy, i take it as a "well it isn't THAT personal a simple "were friends " or "were-
colleges" should suffice, something that in surface level it isn't that deep unless you elaborate you get me? Yet that set zinnia off really badly due to Qu not answering right away n she stayed quiet seeing his taken aback reaction/ unable to clearly answer, reopening open wounds n making her storm off.
That incident she blame it at Zakuro for asking smt "personal", for the longest time.
Why did he even ask that question?
Well i don't have smt precise ,but this idea was born from qu and zinnia actually route due to then being in awkward and bumpy relationship at the begging of new starless and since he likes to fuck around n find out due his curious nature
though a. He prolly asked out of curiosity but B. Legit didn't though it would cause such a rugus so can see him be also taken aback at the bad reception, i already knew zakuro made a bad first impression towards zinnia and made it worse after she heard he and sin made Saki-
( which in my au is adami, someone important to her) collapse.
Which honestly for a bit she was thinking mhm maybe i was overeating ,i should apologize to him-> heard the news he was somehow involved with Asami accident -> her: nvm fuck him ->
zinnia since she been working since old starless and half of team is from old starlesss (like before the remodeling of new starless), she gets along with them/ friendly even qu is a slowly healing relationship n Hari,he's polite n prove in her eyes he means well so she like warm
up fast but Zakuro due to everything that happened she just treat him very coldly and is very obvious real quick she has no interest in him.
And it would had been left like that if it wasn't due to zinnia ,on C valentine's finally opening up a tinny bit n just...
Idk to keep long story short she said her thanks for everything you done for the team/ compliments him for the first time/ finally calls him by stage name( even though she uses very formal honorifics)
n idk i just got the idea that maybe realizing that made him happy,he wanted to try to at least be on speaking terms with her afterwards n that's where like their friendship (or au if I'm simping hard)
starts like platonic or not is a slow burn about a. Rebuilding trust bcuz this is also counting all the shenanigans he does as the problem child of c( which ily for that king keep it up) b. Both actually start caring n it's just a fun route
And c. Pls miss call me by my stage name i feel so left out n cold n lonely and <- starts being dramatic
Zinnia: yes yes zakuro-san i get it stop yes i understand uh huh I'll use ur name now yes yes+ also seeing due to how zinnia works in the kitchen n doesnt really approach anyone unless she a. has free time b. been ask out ,ofc this relationship took more time they barely see each other in a way gsdbiugds +zinnia only actively approach on the rare occasion taht your like close bcuz otherwise she by nature is very quiet, she adjust and can speak more if your not the talkative type but if not she just stays quiet n having no desires to make things better can see zakuro really feeling "left out" with zinnia when his whole ass group gets along n then he speaks n she just answer a simple hmh or i see...
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Is it ok if I ask when requests will be accepted?
no worries my love!! i know it’s been a while since they’ve been open, but i’m still on semi-hiatus for the foreseeable future. perfect time for an update post!!
hi all!! let me first of all say: you guys rock!!! i know it’s been forever, i still have requests in my drafts, posting is not how it used to be. i think i’ve been on semi hiatus since march? does that sound right?
i have had a hectic year as most of you know! since january 1st, things have been absolutely insane. i got fired from the bakery, was unemployed for two really shitty months, started a new job, quit, rehired with a “promotion” that was never official in anything but duties, got a boyfriend, dumped him, got my medical card, started a full-time job, went back to michigan for my grandmother’s burial (and to sort out some inheritance, nothing glamorous), bought a car, started my first semester of college (finally!!), got myself into another…unusual relationship, my mental health has been high and low, but honestly it’s much better!!! we’re halfway through october and the most overwhelming part of my job has just started, along with the halfway point of this semester of college!
this past month has been pretty stressful. today i was informed i was passed up for a promotion at work and the assistant manager let me know that the reason was actually because the other girl was performing poorly in our current position and they “needed me” where i was. so yeah, i am missing out on a raise and experience in a new position because im “too valuable to lose.” i’m pretty pissed about it. very overwhelmed. i had been working my ass off for a month, knowing deep down that the “interview process” for this position was a song and dance to show HR that the promotion was “fair.” my “partner” hasn’t been very understanding about it either, which is kind of pissing me off but hell, who cares! if im being honest, i just really need someone to be nice to me now more than ever. i REALLY need some kindness in my life. in the end, i’ll be okay, it’s not the end of the world, but things day by day have just been rough and if i could i’d be taking a break from much more than writing, but i cant. that being said…
sorry about the tangent! to answer your question, i’m not sure if/when they’ll reopen! truthfully, i don’t see myself never opening them back up, i still love writing and especially for you guys. i do however feel like i need to go at my own pace right now, it’s the only way i’m gonna get through this. i feel myself mentally drowning in all my emotions and responsibilities and if i force myself to write i’m only gonna grow to resent it. my mental health outside of OCD has been a bit yikes. i really do want to feel better about myself before i start posting again. and i am SO grateful for you guys. my mutuals, followers, anyone who is supporting me right now. i want to return the favor, but right now i have to look out for myself and my future. i love you all so much though!! it’s not often that i see a writer go on hiatus and not get at least a little bit of hate, so THANK YOU SO MUCH. it means the world.
i am always around to chat if anyone wants to <3 but writing will still be sporadic. truth be told, im not even caught up with most shows and movies! i actually barely have time to sleep most days. please send some good vibes my way!! im very off at the moment
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you know i came into this music shit with enthusiasm and anticipation to have fun not use it as an outlet to express my emotions but over time it slowly became my only outlet to express myself and i no longer look at that as a bad thing.
of course there are ups and down to every story but never in a million years would i of thought i would of had to go through what i went through in february of this year.
losing one of the only people that i’ve ever been able to be around without having to confine to some sort of social standard or have to worry about what someone was really thinking is one of the most painful things i’ve ever endured to say the least because it still hasn’t even registered that you’re gone.
our relation was so different because we were both in the same situation coming from the same thing going on at home and living in the lowest income place in the city.
growing up there was an unspoken feeling of acknowledgement to the fact that we weren’t suppose to be like anyone in the city and our aspirations were way farther than what whatever radius we happened to be in and football was something both of us used as a crutch to keep us as far away from what we never wanted to be.
sadly the coaches we were given didn’t care about the kids who didn’t have parents that were apart of the booster clubs or were apart of the prep kids who’s parents had been friends since high school and that showed me from a early point in life that all that shit ever was is politics.
as time went on and people started caring less we both started becoming what we used to frown upon and there was nothing we could do about it.
both of us had so many odds against us that opened my eyes to the way society is set up in places like where we grew up in. if u don’t have the right infrastructure at home it’s survival of the fittest way before you reach the age of being an adult and that’s something we were both trying to fill a void with.
i know there’s so many what ifs and excuses but sometimes i just wish we would’ve realized what we had from the start and made sure that no matter what we weren’t gonna let shit get between us but sure enough life happened and we both started trying to figure out what we were gonna do to survive and when you had to leave the city the only thing we could do is talk on a fuckin phone...
i know u probably thought i was the one who went hollywood and stopped fucking w everyone but what i was going thru was something i figured you would’ve understood.
you know all my life i’ve been really good at making things look perfect when they’re really the farthest thing from that so you probably thought i was good because i never made it seem any other way but just as lost as you were i was too
going from growing up with someone to slowly seeing each other have to go y’all separate ways and make due because y’all ain’t have no to support y’all was painful itself because i knew what we came from and i knew where we wanted to but but when the only one to support you is yourself it turns into a race to live.
when we started making music it was a fun thing. it reopened a lane for us to be in and learn from.
from the start music was always something that brought us together.
i remember after school one day i played lifestyle by thug on some dude bluetooth speaker and you heard it and said “this my shit” and we ended up singing it back n forth like we was the ones who made it and mind u this was before high school and before we ever even thought about making music but that moment was monumental for what would come to be.
when we first me we had some friction and i think that’s cause we both had a “who dis?” moment and we both just wanted to be at the top of the food chain but we both realized we were different from everyone else.
i remember playing 2 ball at the rec watching u play and after a few games i asked u if u wanted to be on my team and you said yeah and we was both lowkey geeked cause we had never had a real interaction before that but we ended up going like 5 games undefeated and after the rec closed i ended up going to ya crib and from there we were inseparable
before then we were both fans of each other but it was never an expressed thing because for whatever reasons but after we became friends it was something powerful. some we can conquer the world type shi lol.
i think seeing what we both came from let us put that wall of judgment down that we had to keep up with everyone else and that was ultimately what made our bond even stronger.
now that i know how political school is i can see how many people tried to put us again each other i wish we could’ve realized they were just doing what they were doing cause they ain’t have what we had
i’m just glad that even tho we had to maneuver thru a lot we always knew what blood couldn’t make us closer than what we were
i hate to even be saying shit like this because i still feel something empty inside of me but i love you bro and i’m sorry shit played out the way it did. i know you were only doing what you did to survive so i don’t blame you for anything that you did. mfs took advantage of you and ain’t care about the outcome it ima make sure what we started gets finished.
they don’t know the last time i got to talk to you i told you i was thinking bout ending my shit and now i got more than a reason to live. i promise you bro i’m do this for you. ima make sure yo daughter good and i will never let your name die. i love you bro i’m literally crying so much right now trying to type all this shit but i know you’re spirit is still alive and until we meet again i got something to prove so until then save me a spot up there and continue watching over me twinski. i love you eternally jay meeks.
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Camp Life
J hated to admit this to himself but he was missing Harry. He just saw Lana and Marcus, and J, this J hung out with them and it was fun. But he couldn’t scratch the feeling of saying asshole things in his head about them or inside jokes only harry would get.
J let out a disgusting scream that made three birds drop out of flight and Gippal actually sit up from a nap. Fuck it he was going to see him.
He walked in the room. Harry, of course, was sitting in front of all their monitors. Main one was being fixed on Aiden, Gray, Yuna and Natsu smoking weed and doing really stupid accents at each other. Yuna was doing her best british one now. Why the fuck do stoners think its so funny to do that shit. J immediately regretted coming in here. Harry looked over briefly then fully turned his chair. Almost as if he couldn’t believe it was actually J.
“Well well well look who decided to come back for some Harry booboo loving.”
Yep this was definitely a mistake. J shaked the urge to knock those stupid fuckin glasses off Harrys smug ass smile. J instead shot his eyes to the screen as Aiden was doing a very racist chinese accent. Fuck did J just think something was racist? Who was he anymore?
“Move over, I don't want to watch this shit.” J sat in his spinning chair.
“Yea they are really fucking annoying, ooooo lets see what Marcus and Lana are doing!” Harry didn’t wait for a reply before switching to them
Lana was sitting smoking reading a book to Marcus as he had his head on her lap.
‘And especially the reason your having it at home. This place is made to order for you. The service is good and heres plenty of hot and cold running ghosts. What can be more convenient?’
Lana paused her reading to put out her cigarette, and closed the book, keeping her thumb as a marker.
“I think Zooey is right that Franny isn’t really having a meltdown like not a huge giant one. Its more a planned one. Almost like she wants to heal from whatever shes going thru so she goes to the safety of her home to try and work thru it, ya know?
“Oh my dear I believe that Franny is perfectly in the know that to have these thoughts they must be thought in a controlled environment and must be—”
J hit the mute button. Harry shot him a look of pure hatred. “BOO-ZIE WHY DID YOU MUTE IT? Harrys hand reached over to unmute but J grabbed it his hand.
“NONONONO I don’t want to watch fucking Marcus and Lana contemplate stupid fucking books I don’t give a fuck about. I don’t want to watch stoners be fucking losers, I need something else I want to watch literally anyone else, I rather watch FUCKING Zuko more then this shit.”
Harry was staring at the screen as Lana reopened book and read with Marcus smiling with a content look up at her with his eyes closed. Harry sighed, he really wanted to keep watching but his want to keep J here overrode that. “Well then fine who are we gonna watch?”
J sat and thought a while, he couldn’t believe he was saying this but he went with Tifa.
Harry switched cameras and sunk back in his chair sulking “Well this is gonna be really fucking dumb.”
Tifa was in the kitchen doing the constant dishes that were always there humming to herself. It was really surprising they never got a dishwasher after all this time. J assumed it was because Itachi wanted them to do some manual labor. Gaara was sitting on table colouring with some oatmeal by him, that presumably Tifa fed him. He was 16 eating with a fuckin plastic airplane spoon.
“Mommy look!” Gaara held up the drawing of him and her holding hands drawn in style of a 6 year old.
“Oh hunny thats so good!” Tifa wiped her hands clean and went to hang it on the fridge. In her head she had a moment of pride for how much Gaara loved her. On other hand she also could be honest with herself that this is really all she had anymore was taking care of all the kids in camp or least ones with mindset of children. Unconsciously she held her stomach most likely wishing she could carry a child.
“J this is boring, what a dumb bitch, WAAAA I WANT A BABY. Dumb Cunt.”
J’s eye twitched this was really fucking boring but he couldn’t have Harry winning. They watched another 5 mins of this exchange of Tifa spoon feeding Gaara, with Harry sighing heavily in background. J cleared throat “Okay well lets switch to Sasuke and Aerith”
“Wow dumb bimbo time greeeaaaattttt” Harry clicked away. In his head he was a bit happier least Sasuke was funny and not a dumb cow like Tifa.
Sasuke sat on the bed with Aerith cuddled up to him. Harry perked up he had expected Sasuke playing video games and her glabbering about something stupid. Sasuke was even playing with her hair, Harry’s dick twitched slightly with hope of cutsey wootsy stuff he loved.
“So like I was saying Final Fantasy XV is okay, like I enjoy the open world play but fuck the story is annoying. Luna is such a boring cunt its obnoxious.”
“But she’s so prettty Sasuke!”
“Nobodys pretty but you.”
At this Aerith let out her super fucking annoying giggle. J was so bored of all the other fucks in camp though he actually thought it was cute. Harry however did not.
“She sounds so annoying, HEEHEE(Harry doing a bad imitation of her) thats what she sounds like.” Harry looked at J expecting a laugh and not getting one made him try to think of something to get J to laugh
“I mean who does she think she is– “
“Harry shut up I am watching”
Harry eyes went dark. And he randomly switched the screen, it happened to land on Squall who was busy cutting his fingernails very methodically in the bathroom.
“WHOOPSIE, Harrys bad.” He said this with a head back to back on his shoulders.
J looked over at him imagining Harrys head exploding with supreme glee.
“No way in fuck I am watching Squall, lets switch to Gippal”
In another life Harry woulda been overjoyed with being able to watch Gippal but he was so fucking over him. He let Harry down hard. He was so fucking boring now it made Harry want to erase his own mind of all the love he used to have for him.
“Okay J-zes fine.”
Gippal was perched up on the couch eating his signature bag of cheetao riffing with Zidane and Rikku.
“Man I just saying everything everywhere all at once hands down deserves oscar, shit with the buttplugs fucking classic.”
“I liked the bagel part” Rikku giggled reaching over to eat some of Gippals Cheetahs. “Hey Gippal look at me!” Rikku stuck two cheetos in her nose and snorted at him.
“Hey-yo little girls become a walrus.”
Zidane ran up and also grabbed some cheetos, “look at this shit tho!” Zidane stuck two in his eyes and made animal noises at them.
“Oh we bringing out big guns now!” Gippal opened up his eyepatch and stuck one in there.
They all proceeded to laugh, Harry however was not. He stared angry for them being so fucking stupid.
“This isn’t even funny J, they all such high losers.”
“Much funnier then fucking stupid accents.”
Harrys face darkened, and turned back to screen, “Okay Harrys turn now!!! Lets see mmmm how about back to Aiden, maybe he moved.”
Harry was wrong though they had not and laid in a cuddle pile on bed, with Yuna laying on Aiden, Gray on Yunas lap and Natsus at end of bed with feet over Grays. They were all laughing and passing a joint.
“Omg J watch this I gonna make Jenn walk in!” Before J could object Harry had stabbed in the potion and sat up straight watching the screen like a porno for a 14 year old boy.
Jenn proceeded to walk in. She stopped and had a look of utter disapproval seeing Yuna by HER boyfriend.
“Hey babe whats up, come here” Aiden reached his hand out with incredibly red eyes.
“Umm no thanks can I talk to you for a second?”
“Youre talking to me now.”
“Dude she needs a dick down, can’t be leaving your girl gushing like that.” Gray laughed way too hard at Natsu’s quip.
“Okay that is not what I want to talk about.”
Aiden heavily sighed and got untangled from bed. He grabbed Jenn hard by waist and kissed her while giving Gray a look of ‘yeah shes my fucking girl.’
J grabbed the mouse and switched to Joni who was holding hands with Noah on a walk.
“BOOBEAR that was about to get really good!”
“No it fucking wasn’t shut the fuck up dickweed.”
J looked with interest at the screen and Harry fought urge to change it back to Aiden
“Heres the spot” Noah gently lead Joni up a big rock that overlooked the water.
“Oh wow Noah this is so Pre-tah!” Harry really fucking hated how she put weird influctions on certain words but he would allow it for now.
Noah leaned over and kissed her forehead. He was very good at knowing Jonis moods and when it was okay to touch her and today was one of those days. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it for her.
“This reminds me of this place me, Jesse, Troy and (forgot other dudes name) used to go to swim!”
Noah giggled, and nuzzled his head against her hair. “Would you like to swim?”
“OMG yes!” She got up and stripped down to her underwear and he did the same. Joni ran into water still holding her cigarette and had grabbed her flask on the way too. About knee high she took a long drink and waved over to Noah for him to come in.
Noah smiled at her with a face of such awe at the person in front of him. Harry thought she looked like a dumb drunk but whatever this was at least kinda cute for him. J was really enjoying himself and had a look of interest at the scene. Maybe he should try to be friends with Noah, he probably could.
Noahs body was filled with scratches from last time he transformed. Harry was about to make a joke but looking over at J decided against it. Noah walked in water with Joni splashing at his direction. Ruining her smoke in the process. He walked past Joni and dived under the water.
“WEE” Joni exclaimed while just allowing herself to fall in the spot she was at. Coming out of water she went to go suck on the now ruined cigarette. She looked at it with a face of how the fuck did this happen. Noah approached her and carried her into the deeper water spinning her around.
“Omg J I should try to make him drown her!” J looked frustrated at Harry, he could never just enjoy something more then a fucking minute without saying something really fucking annoying.
“Lets just switch it.” Harry looked sad at J’s rejection of his really funny idea but just hit the shuffle button on the monitor.
The screen showed Christian sitting in his room. He was just sitting there staying at what looked like some stone. He appeared to be muttering to it.
“Turn up the sound I can’t hear him.” Harry complied and also zoomed in closer to Christian
“Yes very soon father you shall be free, and of course she will be too, the pawn is ready for his checkmate” Christian laughed his off putting disturbing way and moved the stone around in his hand.
“Yeah I am not watching Christian be a fucking weirdo no thanksies” Harry clicked shuffle button again. It landed on Aang jerking off so he hit it again for it to land on Cloud who was doing the exact same thing. “GOD DAMN IT” Harry exclaimed hitting the button even harder.
This time it landed back on Marcus and Lana.
“Oh wow look we back! YEAZIES! “ Harry clapped in the stupidest gayest way and looked longing at the screen. J was gonna fight it but was tired and just sat back with a sullen look.
Harry secretly took the vial of lovey gay serum from his sleeve and put it in the slot. Harry seemed to think nothing ever happened interesting unless he made it happen.
Lana and Marcus appeared to have fallen asleep in position Harry and J had left them with book fallen to side. Abruptly Lana woke up and rubbed eyes. She smiled down at Marcus and kissed his brow. He smiled and grabbed neck and moved her lips to his.
“AWWW J-zies look!!!”
“Yea they are kissing big fucking whoop”
“Shut up J its super cute!” He said cute with the voice of a 9 year old girl
“Sleepy butterfly eyes I see your fluttering.”
Lana smiled big and kissed him again. She picked up his head readjusted herself so she was laying by him. They were turned against each other holding hands. He had picked up the hands and was kissing hers.
“One, Two, Three, Four.” Lana counted the amount of times he kissed her hands. And giggled.
“Bleh this is so fuckin dumb I am changing it.”
“NO” Harrys yell startled Paine awake.
“Shut the fuck up I have a hangover.” Paine yelled
“You always have a fucking hangover” J yelled back
“Oh wow your back, thank fucking god if I have to watch anymore of Harrys “friends” I gonna vomit.”
“I am not back, I just was-” J couldn’t think of anything to say so instead stood up, chair falling behind him. “Fuck this I going”
“ Fine suit yourself I will just have fun without you!” Harry made a triumphant hm hm smile and
Turned back to screen.
J slammed door behind him as paine went to dig for a new bottle. Harry looked towards door J had just slammed and for a moment had a sad look on his face before looking back at screen watching Lana undress Marcus’s shirt to kiss his chest.
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time to vent into the aether I guess
i am so tired of my useless cunt of a life. 33 years of FUCKING NOTHING. I’m sick of this. i don’t feel respected, anyone even remotely local blows me the fuck off. no one makes plans with me anymore. I’m a dog in a cage waiting for someone to come play with it and no one will. or they hang out with someone who actively adores my abuser/assaulter. that feels great.
The friends that live near me aren’t even always busy. I’ve told them many times “hey if you have free time lmk I’m always down to hang!!” And they say “oh yeah sure! It’s been awhile!” And then they constantly make posts about being bored on their days off with nothing to do. like…. Thanks. Thanks a lot. I’m nothing. if I had a heart attack and died these people wouldn’t even care. It’s multiple people.
I’m invisible to everyone. Even the things I’m proud of I feel like they get torn down. My love for certain characters because someone HAS to love them “better”, THERE IS NOTHING ELSE I AM GOOD AT. I am a stupid useless lump of meat with no skills and no talents. at least let me have this.
Speaking of, the fact that my comfort characters get FUCK ALL even when a big artist in the fandom does a huge release and INCLUDES EVERY CHARACTER IN THAT PART EXCEPT FOR THEM ON THEIR STICKER SHEETS AND PINS? When I know the person DOES like those characters and has posted as such before????
Or the fact that there’s NO ONE MAKES JOJOLION ANYTHING except for yasugap because I guess that’s all anyone got out of that entire 10 year long part is just The Main Guy and The Main Girl?
I have so little comfort content and it’s hard to make my own when the fibro and arthritis AND carpal tunnel are all flaring up bad and making drawing the way I do impossible right now. I hold a pencil and it feels like knives.
I’m still useless. It’s like pulling teeth to go anywhere and even then it’s only my mom. I can’t keep rotting here but I have no choice and I can’t work. I can’t even take commissions right now because of the stupid hand thing and I don’t think anyone else is going to want it. It’s not colored, it’s not beautiful, it’s a phone picture taken of a sketch on a piece of paper. Because I have no scanner and scanner apps are DOGSHIT.
I’m getting sicker and sicker. My body is in a constant state of adrenal response now which is funny because I’m also sleeping about 15 hours a day. I can’t stop being tired.
I wish I were dead but I can’t be because I’m a coward and I keep holding up hope stuff will get better. But it won’t. None of it will. I’ll be denied for disability I’m sure because I have been three separate times, even though it’s all worse now.
I don’t have income or any money of my own and my bf can’t help me anymore and I don’t wanna ask anyone. I’ve done it too much. I can’t do it anymore. People already look down oj me for it. “you’re a grown ass adult lmao” tell that to literally every part of my body that doesn’t fucking function right. I went to vocational rehab. There’s NOTHING I CAN DO. It all interferes with one disability or another. It’s the perfect storm of dogshit.
everything is breaking around me and no one cares and I never want to wake up again. i just wanna do dumb shit with salezucc and yotsusho forever because nothing else even matters anymore. but no one even cares about that anymore except like one person each. because they’re not Kakyoin or Risotto or Bruno or whatever.
fuck man. i hope I don’t wake up. everything I’ve done and tried so hard to do to get better is either not working or backfiring.
I’m gonna take my fourth nap of the day and my god do I hope I never wake up. All that would be missed is my fucking vagina at this point. all I am is a depressed sex doll with assault trauma who reopens that wound constantly.
I just don’t care enough anymore. I really don’t. I’m not even eating as much as I used to and food is such a joy for me. I can’t even bother to eat. what a fucking loser.
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#fuck#guys im so sick of this my mental health is the worst its been since i was 13#theyre opening retail and barber shops in my area soon but somehow its still not ok to see my loved ones even if they live 4 blocks away#why are we fucking being put through this#how am i supposed to feel empathy for society in general when every day they tell me they dont care that my whole career just evaporated#and i cant even talk to anyone about it unless its over fucking facetime#and how am i supposed to say im mad about the lockdown without sounding like a right-winger#cause im not#but i just feel so utterly left behind#i dont think anyone who’s still fully supportive of being locked down indefinitely has had to spend two months isolated in a 10x10 room wit#with literally no one to talk to#my whole support system ditched me and i feel like things are fizzling out with my SO because of the distance and tension caused by this wh#whole thing i mean we dont have anything to talk about anymore cause theres nothing happening in our lives literally at all so all i can#keep saying is how upset i am all the time which obviously isnt good for relationship health#how are we supposed to pick up where we left off if we’re literally forced to be apart for what? three months? six months? a year?#how are we NOT supposed to drift apart?#we were wanting to move in together before too much longer but thats not gonna happen NOW#it literally feels like everythings ruined and i dont have any way to deal with it#but at least fucking supercuts can reopen right#someone tell me what to do PLEASE#personal#but pls interact
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What’s Mine is Mine
Mammon x GN!MC
Smut/NSFT
(toy usage, slight voyeurism)
Takes place during Ch.4A-C, where Mammon is going through your things, but he ends up finding something much more personal! (Originally written with an afab!MC on my Ao3, but rewrote it to suit GN!MC)
"What's MC's is mine, and what's mine is miiine!~"
Mammon hummed cheerfully to himself as he went through several of your drawers and your closet, searching for anything valuable he could, at least what he told himself he could, pawn off for Grimm. He found mostly casual clothing and several uniforms, nothing that looked really worth a lot of money; until he happened upon a box hidden in your desk.
"Oh? Could this have money in it?" He gave the box a slight sniff. "Nah, doesn't smell like money. Maybe jewelry, or a bank card!?" When he finally opened it, he gave a small scoff of annoyance. "Nope, just chocolate and sweets, feh."
A larger hand took the box from his quickly, and he turned with a small start to see his younger brother Beel, who was now munching on MC's sweets. "I'll take these."
"Of course, if food is around, you're bound to show up, aren'tcha Beel? Guaranteed," Mammon mumbled, before turning around to continue his search for goods in your room.
"What are you even looking for? You know this is MC's room, right?" Beel asked around a mouthful of cookie. Mammon continued to tear through your other drawers, laughing at his brother's question. "Of course I know! I'm looking for anything I can make some money off of. I can't just ask MC for money, so instead I have to look through their things while they are gone. I am sure they have something worth some money in here somewhere. And since I am stuck looking after them, I feel I have a right to take what I want from them!"
Beel gave a slight roll of his eyes, continuing to munch on the chocolate pieces in the box. "You know you won't actually sell their things, Mammon. No matter what you say, you couldn't bring yourself to actually do it."
Mammon looked at Beel with as deep a glare as he could muster. "Don't pretend ya know what I will and won't do! You're talking to THE Mammon, ya know! You bet I would sell their things, hell, I would even sell them if I knew it would turn a good profit! I don't even care about how they feel, THE Mammon doesn't care about any humans! MC isn't special to me in any shape or form!"
"I didn't mention anything about caring about them or them being special, Mammon," Beel mumbled around another mouthful, "besides, even if you did take any of their things, you made a pact with MC. All they would have to do is tell you to bring their things back and you would have to do it. You know that."
Mammom turned away from his brother, practically burying himself in digging through another drawer to hide the blush on his face. "It's not like they would know it was me! I could get away with it no problem!" He stopped suddenly when he noticed a black silky bag at the back of the drawer, and he pulled it forward. "What do we have here?" he whispered to himself, opening the bag. He froze in place when he realized what the object was, closed the bag back up and shoved it back into its spot before his brother could notice.
Thankfully, Beel was too busy shaking the box over his mouth to free up the crumbs from it to notice him. "Just admit it," he finally said with a sigh, tossing the box over his shoulder once it was completely empty. "The truth is you like your human so much that you can't handle but go through their things like this. You aren't going to sell any of this stuff."
Mammon turned on him quickly, flustered. "Are you joking!? Me, care about a human!? I don't care about some stupid human! All they are is demon food, nothing more than bugs to be stepped on! I don't care about anything this damn human does o-or owns or anything! I don't care one bit!"
Beel simply laughed at his mess of a brother. "You could have fooled me, Mammon. Look at how riled up you are getting. So desperate to seem like you don't care when you are practically screaming how much you do. It's kind of cute, actually." He placed a hand on his stomach when a loud rumble came from it, frowning. "Ugh, I'm gonna go to the kitchen and find something more to eat. Try not to destroy their room too bad, will you?"
With that, Beel left the room, leaving Mammon a flustered mess, now staring at the drawer where the silk bag was hidden. His hands shook as he reopened the drawer, and pulled the silky bag out once more. When he opened it again, he flushed instantly, realizing that what he was staring at was in fact a black dildo, that could only belong to MC. Why would they own something like this and leave it where he could so easily find it!? Oh, right...they were hiding it in their drawer, and he happened to find it. Still, would they really need something like this? Couldn't they just...ask him for help, in situations like that? Right. He was just their guard demon right now, so chances were they wouldn't ask him about something like that. Besides, he didn't care about them! He didn't care at all about them!
...Right?
Well...maybe he was more curious than anything right now so...he could ask them about it when they got home. The real issue now was, how to bring it up in conversation.
***
When you finally arrived home from class, you could hear movement coming from inside your room. Cautiously, you opened the door and peered in, only to find Mammon pacing in your room, holding something in his hands and mumbling to himself. You decided to step in and walked up to the pacing demon, placing a hand on his arm to draw his attention.
"Mammon, what are you--!?"
He acted as if you struck him, jumping a foot away from you, hiding the black bag behind his back. "MC! Wh-when did you get home? Why didn't you knock before coming in!?"
You flushed deeply when you realized what he was holding, stepping closer to him to try and take it from him. "Mammon this is my room! I don't need to knock, and you shouldn't be in here going through my things! Give that back to me!"
He moved before you could make contact with him, holding the bag above his head and out of your reach. "Not until you tell me why you have it! Where did you get it? Did Asmo give it to you or something? It looks like something he would own! Why do you have something like this, MC!?"
Your flush only deepened and swatted at his chest over and over until he curled in on himself a bit, giving you a chance to reach up and grab the bag from his hand. "Hey, give that back! You didn't answer my question!" he hollered, lunging for you.
You moved out of his reach this time and ran towards your door, swinging it open and pointing out. "Leave, now! I don't need to explain to you why I own...certain things. Now go!"
Mammon frowned, moving towards the door, but instead of leaving, closed it and locked it. He turned on you and seemed to tower over you, hands on his hips in annoyance. "I have a right to know what my human owns, so I went through your things, big whoop. I found this sex toy, and I want to know why you own it, so I would answer me if I was you before I decide to eat you. So, answer me, MC!"
You swallowed thickly at his threat, his voice getting lower and turning into a growl as he spoke. You clutched the bag to your chest, stepping back a bit from him until finally giving a deep sigh of defeat. "I got it because I've been feeling...needy, okay? Asmo told me of a place in town I could get one, no he didn't help me get it," you added when you noticed the glare on his face, "but I just...wanted something to take care of myself with. That's it. Happy now?"
You felt shame wash over your body at being caught with your toy, but you finally gave this damn demon the answer he was hounding for. You were silently hoping that would be good enough, that he would be satisfied with your answer and finally leave you alone; but instead, he stepped closer, forcing you to back up against the wall of your room and tower over you once more. He looked down at you with hunger in his eyes; a different kind you hadn't seen before. He was even slightly pouting at you.
"Ya know, MC, if you really needed help in that department ya coulda just asked me instead. I, ugh, I don't mind...taking care of ya if you really need it. Hell, you should be flattered I'd want to take care of you like that! The Great Mammon doesn't offer things like that to just anyone, ya know."
A deep blush took over his cheeks and you felt your heart flutter in your chest. "I...I didn't think you would be interested in me like that…"
He flared suddenly. "Are you dense!? Humans really are so dumb! I--" He stopped himself, taking on his cool facade once more before giving too much away. "Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. But right now, I am offering to take care of you, so if I were you, I would jump on the opportunity. Besides," he took the bag from your hands quickly, "I'm curious as to how you use this thing too. So why not let me, ya know, watch?"
You squeaked, pulling the bag away from him once more and darting out of his shadow against the wall. "Watch me!? You're joking! Mammon, this is all so sudden, I couldn't let you do any of that!"
He was on you once more, and he walked you back towards your bed, pushing you back on it as he hovered above you. He gently pushed your bangs from your forehead, and gave you a smirk. "I don't see what the big deal is. You're needy, and I'm willing to help the poor human out. The least you can do for me first is show me how you play with your toy. It's not that big of a deal, is it?"
You swallowed the lump forming in your throat, looking away from his face and around your room for any form of escape, until he grabbed your chin and forced you to look at him once more. "C'mon MC, dontcha think it'll be fun to do with your sweet and amazing Mammon?" He leaned his head forward and placed a deep kiss against your lips. You instantly melted into his touch, giving a soft sigh as he deepened the kiss, nipping at your lip for entry into your mouth. He pulled away all too soon, making you whimper at the contact.
"So, is that a yes?" he teased, and you flushed deeply, but rolled your eyes at him.
"Okay...I'll do it."
He grinned widely at you, and shifted on your bed to give you space to finally move. He sat at the edge and watched your every move intently as you stood to strip off your uniform, leaving you in your green shirt and underwear. You went to your drawer for a moment to grab a little bottle from it and returned to your spot on the bed, blushing furiously at the excited look in Mammon's eyes. You finally removed your underwear and wanted to hide when you saw his mouth slack open from staring at you. It took everything in him to not dive in on you while you spread your legs to use your lubricant on your entrance. When you finally pressed the head of the toy to your hole he felt his breath catch in his chest when you whined at the pressure of it slightly stretching you. He watched you rub it against yourself, your eyes fluttered closed, and finally when you pushed it in, he let out a small moan along with yours.
You let it sink deep into you, pulling it out slowly and pressing it back in just as slow. You were embarrassed to be on display like this but at the same time, excited it was Mammon watching you. You let your eyes open for a moment and let out a small squeak when you noticed he was staring fully at your hands working on yourself.
Ever the impatient demon, he scooted closer to you, placing his hand on yours that was moving the toy in and out of you. "Let me take over, babe," he whispered to you, taking the toy and pressing it fully inside you. The sudden fullness made you gasp and buck against the toy, and he smirked down at you, pulling it all the way out only to slam it back into you. You didn't expect him to want to participate; but it was the Avatar of Greed here with you. He was bound to want to take over at some point.
"M-Mammon!" His name came out in a gasp when he hit a particularly sensitive spot, and he realized he desperately wanted to hear you say his name again. He used the toy on you a bit longer but soon pulled it from you and flung it across the room. You cried out at the emptiness and glared at him for a moment before realizing what he was doing.
"Fuck, I can't hold back anymore," he grumbled, scrambling to his feet to discard his clothing. He climbed atop you, and you bit your lip when you saw his full length against your middle. He looked clearly bigger than your toy and you couldn't help but rub against him as he pressed down on you to slick up his shaft with your lubed entrance. "Better be ready, babe, cause I plan on filling you to the brim," he growled against your lips before kissing you deeply and delving his cock deep inside you.
He allowed you a few seconds to adjust, before pounding into you over and over. You could feel the tip of his cock brush against that one spot deep inside, making you see stars with each thrust. He only sped up his tempo when you began to tighten around him, your nails digging into his back as he did so. His name tumbled from your lips over and over like a mantra, and he thrilled in hearing them, becoming harder inside you. Finally your vision went white and you tightened around his cock, milking him until he finally came along with you, filling you up with his seed.
He let himself collapse on top of you, burying his face in your neck and inhaling deeply. You could feel him still buried deep inside you and you let out a high moan when he reluctantly pulled out. He rolled you both onto your sides, pulling you into his arms tightly as he nuzzled your cheek.
"You don't need that stupid toy," he grumbled by your ear. "See? I'm far better than that hunk of rubber. If ever you feel needy like this again, just call me, and if I have the time, I'll come take care of you. Maybe," he teased, going back to his usual self.
"Well what if you don't have time? I need it just in case--"
"No!" he growled, hugging you possessively. "I will always make time for you, MC."
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“insecure reader drabbles”
miya atsumu x chubby!f!reader, matsukawa issei x chubby!f!reader
a/n: as the warmer weather approaches i’ve been faced with the reality i can’t hid my body in baggy clothes, hence i’m going to writing more chubby readers! (also if anyone knows another word for chubby i can use it would be greatly appreciated”
also these are a bit rushed because i didn’t want them to get too long :/ i might do individual fics if you guys like them!
not proofread! nsfw minors dni!
miya atsumu
tw/cw: comfort, comfort sex, insecurities, thigh fucking, slight dumbification, praise, spit kink
he came home, pouting when he saw the frown on your face as you looked down at your cellphone. he wondered what you could’ve been looking at to put you in such an upset mood.
“whatcha looking at baby?” he peered over your shoulder, surprised to see you looking at a picture he’d posted of the two of you. he pressed a kiss on your check, hoping it would make you smile, thought it didn’t work.
“we look cute, don’t we?” he chuckled, still trying to get a reaction from you but when your face stayed the same, gloomy expression, he began to get concerned.
“maybe you look good ‘tsumu,” you muttered, “but not me..i look like-like,” you were going to say something about your body, cut off by atsumu swinging his head around and planted a sloppy kiss against your lips.
“yer’ getting in yer’ own head, angel.” he huffed, moving to sit down next to you, one hand findings it’s usual spot on your plump thigh. “i promise ya look like a supermodel,” he comments bringing you closer to his at the same time.
without saying much, he took your legs and put them around his waist, taking the phone from your hand and laying you down against the couch.
“lemme show y’a how beautiful i think y’are,” he slowly traced his hands underneath your shirt, carefully running his fingers along the skin you were so uncomfortable in giving you a weak smile, “i never want ya to forget that, okay?” you nodded slowly, atsumu finally taking off a majority of your clothing, taking his dick out.
he spread your legs, kissing your thighs, feeling your cheeks become heated. you were insecure about your legs, despite how many times atsumu told you they were perfect. you felt his hard cock against the soft skins whining at the contact.
“gon an fuck your pretty thighs so well, yeah? then i’m gonna fuck that tight little cunt until you can’t even think.” your eyes rolled back at the sound of his words, eager for him to fulfil his promise.
he pressed your thighs together, squeezing his cock as he looked into your eyes. his pupils were blown out with lust as began rocking back and forth. after a few thrusts he reopened your legs, spitting onto your inner thighs as pussy, using it as a sort of lube.
you squirmed around as he continued, feeling the shaft of his cock brush and rub against your clit. that along with he pulsing of your hole and the sight of atsumu’s clenched jaw and almost deadly gaze, you found yourself cumming.
“that’s it, good girl,” he smiled as your eyes closed, backing away from you as he peppered kissed all over your body, letting your shaking body calm down before he continued. “that’s my girl, let me fuck all those bad thoughts from your mind, yeah?” you nodded and with that he was inserting himself into you, reminding you of the beautiful woman you truly were.
matsukawa issei
tw/cw: comfort, insecurities, vaginal-penetration, soft sex, service dom!issei, cream pie, (kinda vanilla tbh)
it was a late night and issei and just finished up his shower, itching to get to bed with you and cuddle away a day of stress. he found you resting on your side, almost half asleep.
with a smile on his face, he threw himself under the covers. he off the lamp next to him and shuffled towards you, putting your back against his chest. he went to wrap his arm around your waist, to sneak his hand up your shirt to feel the comfort of your warm skin only to have you pull away.
“what’s wrong sweetheart?” he looked at you oddly, carefully watching as you recoiled, pushing your lips together. he could tell by your expression that something was up, though you were too embarrassed to say anything. slowly, you opened your mouth, sharing your thoughts with him.
“i just don’t want to cuddle, okay?” but issei continued to watch you with a skeptical look, but still, he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. when he took his hands off you completely, your conscious knew better, finally confessing what was truly on your mind. “i’ve been putting on a few extra pounds...”
your voice is quiet and barely audible. you feel over your soft belly and to the parts of your body you weren’t happy with. issei frowns, moving closer to you as you keep venting to him.
“i just don’t want you to think i’m ugly, or gross because of this, i just don’t want you to stop loving me because of this.” tears slipped from your eyes as you lip shook. issei’s heart dropped, his lips bending into a frown. it hurts him to think that he’d stop loving you just for something like that.
“baby,” he turned your head so that you could look into his eyes and register the sincerity in his words. “you’re the most beautiful, gorgeous, sexiest, woman on this whole planet,” your eyes at glassy at his words.
“i mean it.” issei states, “and i need you to know that no matter what you look like: i love you.” he doesn’t give you a chance to say it back, pressing a kiss against your lips, moving your leg up in order to give access to your cunt.
as issei pressed against you, his hands roamed your body, making sure to show affection to ever inch of your body. his fingers work to away, pushing your panties to the side. his digest plunged into your hole, curling them to hit your sweet spots.
you gasp at the feeling, rocking back against his hands, your own fingers moving towards your clit, though issei swatted it away, grunting in your ear, “just let me take care of you, pretty girl, just relax.” you manage a nod, feeling issei replace your hand, circling your clit.
inch by inch, his dick sinks into you, the stretch making your mind go numb. issei always manages to hit all your most sensitive areas as he stays in place. enjoying the warmth.
“move please,” you whimpered, and at your command issei began to thrust in and out slowly. you could feel the love he was radiating, feeling like the only girl in the world and he left love bites along your neck.
“shit i’m gonna cum-” you squeak hearing him groan in approval, loosing yourself on his dick. issei mentioned he was close to, soon followed by your insides being painted white.
he kissed your temple, “i love you pretty girl.” he reminded you before you nuzzled into his chest.
#haikyuu smut#haikyuu scenarios#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x reader smut#haikyuu timeskip#💋dirty.angel#haikyuu angst#miya atsumu smut#atsumu smut#atsumu comfort#matsukawa smut#matsukawa issei smut#matsukawa comfort#miya atsumu x reader#atsumu x reader smut#matsukawa x reader#matsukawa x reader smut#atsumu scenarios#matsukawa scenarios#atsumu hcs#matsukawa hcs#atsumu oneshot#matsukawa oneshot#miya atsumu drabbles#matsukawa drabble#haikyuu comfort#miya atsumu x female reader#matsukawa issei x reader#miya atsumu x you#matsukawa x you
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DAMAGE DONE FOR KENPACHI SOULMATE CAN YOU IMAGINE THE A N G S T AND CONFUSION
I know ppl who follow this blog have taste because you were the the first of four ppl to ask for this exact combo jdhdjsjs. We are all Kenpachi brain rot compliant.
Features: Cutting/self harm, a real shit start to a relationship, and angst.
Bleach Your Soul: Ask Meme
Kenpachi Zaraki + Damage:
So much of your life was defined by isolation. A patient treated terminal. Everyone paid you the same attention they would a ghost, fleeting smiles and tears that fell over your bed as though it were a grave.
How could you not feel tortured and angry, to be saddled with a soul mate determined to drag you through hell with them? There were times you truly believed were your last. Stabs too close to your guts. Slashes peeling open to far towards your heart.
There was little room in your thoughts to worry about who suffered with you, other than to curse them. Whether they struggled to live or delighted in violence, you didn’t know. You didn’t care. It was hard to care about anything while laying in your deathbed. Through childhood, your heart withered like the flowers always dying on your window sill. If only they’d throw you away for good, as well.
You garnered hobbies to keep busy rather than to enjoy them. Your stitching, calligraphy, and precocious little drawings stained in blood more often than not. The 4th division was your jail. Your soulmate, your warden. Keeping you there, always.
For years, you begged them. Desperate to be heard--to have a modicum of fucking control--, you carved words into your skin. Were they scared the first time you did it? Did they hate it? Did it hurt them?
Vindictive, you hoped all your horrible thoughts were so. When you cut ‘stop. stop. stop. stop.’ you did it on your side and hip, so it would reopen. Again. And again. And again. And--
They never responded. No matter what you wrote. ‘Please stop.’ ‘It hurts.’ ‘Doesn’t it hurt you?’ ‘I hate you.’ ‘Who are you.’ ‘Don’t you care?’ ‘Kill me.’ ‘Die.’ ‘I’m sorry.’
Slowly, then suddenly, the damage that had been near daily stopped for so many years stopped. Your family settled you back in the home, a living urn. They said your name and stroked your cheek and smiled too small when you spoke.
Your skin buzzed with the absence of what had plagued your entire youth. Was it sickness or shame that drove your blade through your skin still? Did you just miss it? Was the violence boiling you alive with no where to spill out anymore?
There were times you swore minuscule nicks would appear, healing too fast to smooth over, but staying long enough to feel. Older, able to be among people, you realized what that could mean. What kind of person you’d told to die as a pithy little tween.
Were they alive--really alive? Did anyone else care or were you the only one?
‘Songbirds.’ ‘Hello.’ ‘Your name?’ ‘Sorry.’ ‘Work sucks.’ ‘Too hot.’ ‘Alive?’ ‘Hotpot.’ ‘Cut words.’ ‘Please.’ ‘Alive?’ ‘Shinigami.’ ‘13th.’ ‘Rank?’ ‘Rukongai?’ ‘I’m sorry.’
@
Retsu Unohana, the only woman he couldn’t quite look in the eye, was there to smile all serene-like over him. After he’d lost. Figures she’d be there when he fucking lost.
She asked him all those annoying questions about how his body felt and told him all the things he needed to heal from. He wanted to shake her like Yachiru did when he wasn’t paying attention enough for her liking. Who gave a shit about all that--he lost and got what he deserved. He had to get stronger. Just because she’d abandoned her pride didn’t mean he would.
“Your soulmate is here, too.”
Kenpachi couldn’t ignore that one. He never ignored that one. Not that they let him, with all their fucking writing. Saying the strangest shit sometimes too.
When he was young, he’d been paranoid, not knowing what the fuck was doing the writing. He’d swing his sword over his calf or side or thigh, expecting to lob and invisible arm off. Running, Kenpachi would try to out pace the fucker.
Yumichika explained it like having one was exciting. Ikkaku had yelped for Yumichika to knock it off as the man with beautifully kept hands had given himself a paper cut.
“See? It means the person you’re meant for feels everything you do on the battlefield.” His colorful eyelids narrowed, sights shifting between his captain and Ikkaku. “Or in the file cabinet, if either of you would bother to help out.”
The more he understood--and thought about it--the less he wanted to meet them. His soulmate. Kenpachi wasn’t a person who forgave weakeness and anyone meant for him wouldn’t either, right?
He’d been consumed by sleepless nights, futile attempts to nap, and brutal training sessions, trying to keep his failures out of mind after the realization. What if Yachiru had been forced to take every blow the same as he had? Whenever he tucked in his lieutenant, the question ate at him further.
With time, there had come some form of solace--one day he’d find the thrill of a horrible battle again, to drown the thoughts out. But what Ichigo Kurosaki had offered hadn’t been horrible in the way he’d imagined. And here he was, face turned away from Unohana’s thinly veiled impatience, his feelings too complicated to bother with fully.
“Well?”
Unohana stood, like she was disappointed and Kenpachi couldn’t help but snap at her, “Fine. Whatever.”
She smiled, soft as she’d gotten, and went to the door. “Fine to what? I only told you they’re here. But if you’re so determined to see them, Captain Zaraki, follow me.”
@
Grumbling about how much he hated ‘that sneaky shit’, Kenpachi did follow her, and went through the door she gestured at before being closed in with your recovering body. Your body hadn’t healed as fast as his, but that wasn’t a surprise--you’d be a captain for sure if you could pull that shit off.
Worst of all, you were awake, the scar lining one side of your face as thick as his own. No one else was in the room with you. There were no flowers or cards. And your mouth was hanging open.
“You’re alive.”
“Yeah well,” Kenpachi didn’t know what to say, trailing off as one of his fingers brushed over his thigh.
“Everyone is talking about your fight,” you said, filling his silence with a light shrug. “I figured it was more than coincidence that I ended up like this at the same time. I’m glad it was you and not the ryoka.”
“You thought that kid was your soulmate?”
“How was i supposed to know? No one’s seen him since your fight, or so they’re saying.”
“The scar’s pretty fucking obvious.”
“Uh, I’ve never seen you before and it’s not like you’re ever in the Seireitei Bulletin or...or wandering around where people could find you!”
Kenpachi winced, not because of your words, but because the closer he got, the more your sweat and shaking arms showed. You must’ve been like this for a lot of your life. A worming feeling of guilt he seldom felt curled in his belly. Now that he had a person to pin to the thought, it swelled large.
Maybe if he were a softer person, someone rounded out like the long gone Yachiru turned Unohana, he’d say something comforting or concerned or even charming. But his hand was still on his thigh and his mounting frustration at himself, all revolving around his lack of strength, felt thick on his tongue.
“This mean you’re gonna stop with the fucking words?”
You pulled your head back slow, looking up at him like you couldn’t decide between succumbing to exhaustion or lunging at him.
“What if I don’t? What if I just keep going till you respond?”
“You’ll keep going until ya die.”
“Well, great! There’s you’re answer,” you scoffed. “You’ll have to kill me.”
It was a shit start, all things considered, and the silence that took over the room as Kenpachi sat on the nearest chair, so hard it almost cracked, felt as horrible as his zanpakuto refusing to answer him.
“The name’s Kenpachi Zaraki,” he said, resolved to at least get your name.
“Yeah, I know.”
“Damn right, you do. Now tell me yours.”
You wouldn’t have introduced yourself if he hadn’t looked so...well, you couldn’t quite tell what he looked like. Tired, maybe. Tired and wanting something.
So you gave him your name, your relief that he was alive, that you hadn’t wished him to his grave in your youth, outweighing your anger. An apology for putting you here was like grasping at the sky and hoping to hold a star, if his reputation proceeded him. So you let it go as best you could.
And Kenpachi settled back in the chair, grunting in acknowledgement. He didn’t think learning your name was gonna make him stronger, but it felt nice to hear someone talking to him like a person and not a beast.
If he was being honest, it’d always felt nice to be given your words, when so many people refused to give him any. A bit awkwardly, he stayed while you fell victim to sleep, your breath slow before he spoke again.
“Thanks.”
#kenpachi zaraki#kenpachi x reader#kenpachi zaraki x reader#bleach imagines#bleach fanfic#kenpachi having to grapple with his love for battle having direct consequences on someone he comes to care for more and more#and reader having to decide if they can move past the fuck ton of harm he's done to them or if they can't make peace with it#especially since he is not going to apologize for it#like lmao Kenpachi you keep calling Unohana a weak coward in your mind but just you wait JUST YOU WAIT#can you bare to lose the only one who loves you when both yachirus are dead and no greater enemy than a god will ever come again#tybw with this au would be pain#bc tbh i don't think reader would make it#unless they were also put in a pod
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How do you think the group reacted seeing the aftermath of the...fight? I'm not sure if I can say the spoilers
Hey there :) I’m gonna tag this for spoilers. I’ve actually been thinking about this so much, I think I’m gonna write it into a fully-fledged fic. I’ll make sure to link it on here! But here are a couple headcanons I have for it meanwhile!
I think Sunny is so apologetic and heartbroken from everything that’s happened, that their first instinct is to just hug him
At least, that’s the case for Kel and Aubrey
Hero can’t move
Once the information really starts to process, they’re all in complete shock
More than anything, Aubrey feels horrible for Sunny and Basil and wants to be there for them
She knows how it feels to fuck up and almost hurt someone you care about
She just got lucky that, when she pushed Basil into the lake, the consequences weren’t irreparable
She can only imagine the guilt and trauma that her two friends are feeling and all she wants to do is make up for the time that she had abandoned them
Although things don’t fully go back to normal between Sunny, Basil, and Aubrey, it’s clear that they still all care a lot about each other
Aubrey starts saying hi to Basil at school and telling everyone to stop bullying him or else they’ll have to go through her
Slowly but surely, she starts inviting Basil to hang out with her group and with Kel
As for her relationship with Sunny, they don’t keep in close touch daily but see each other often when Sunny visits Faraway Town
It doesn’t take long for them to become friends again
Kel also feels sympathy for Sunny and Basil, but feels really betrayed for being lied to
He thought that these were people he could trust and who understood all the pain he had been going through the last few years
He was so happy that they had all gotten close again, only for it to end in this betrayal
Similar to Aubrey, he would ultimately forgive them since he knows he has to be there for them in order to be friends again
He doesn’t want them to abandon each other
But he’s also really sensitive to Hero, who is absolutely heartbroken
I think Hero takes it the worst, at least at first
Hero loved Mari so much, he was convinced he was gonna marry her
When she died, it was like his world came crashing down. He had no sense of direction because so much of his life was planned around his future with Mari
When he first hears the news, he feels like he needs to get away and leaves the room to compose himself
It feels like the wound that he’d been attempting to heal for four years just reopened and became even deeper
It takes him a while to come back to the room. He needs to calm down and breath since it feels like his world got destroyed again
At first he’s so mad at Sunny and Basil that he’s convinced he won’t hold back punching them if he goes back in there
He’s literally shaking with anger and he’s scared he won’t be able to control himself
He doesn’t understand how someone could do that to his Mari, and he feels like the rest of the group doesn’t understand because they didn’t love her nearly as much as he does
But after Kel comes to get him a while later and calms him down, he realizes it’s just not true
And he also realizes that what Sunny and Basil did was nothing more than an accident, a mistake that anyone could make at the age of 12
He remembers what he said the night before when they were sleeping over at Basil’s house-- that abandoning each other was the worst thing they could have done after Mari died, and that they couldn’t do it again
He realizes that, as hurt as he is, he still feels that way
He also remembers how much Mari adored Sunny, and because of that how much he himself adored Sunny
Sunny was probably in the most pain right now, knowing that he was the cause for his sister’s death
And Basil was hurt too, constantly regretting a mistake that he made as a complete child
After wiping away his tears, he and Kel go back inside and decide to make amends the best they can
By no means does the dynamic go back to normal though
They forgive Sunny and Basil, but letting it go is too painful to do right away
Especially after Sunny moves and the distance between him and everyone increases again
Sunny and Basil keep in close contact, talking almost every day since they’re basically the only people who can understand one another
Sunny’s relationship with Kel and Aubrey improves each time he’s able to come back and visit Faraway Town, since seeing each other in person almost feels like old times again
After a few times of seeing each other, Kel and Aubrey have forgiven Sunny and Basil (but haven’t forgotten)
The relationship could never go back to how it was, but they still care about each other so much and want to protect each other from all the pain they’ve been carrying for four years
Hero is the hardest to get close to again, especially because he is home so rarely
Sunny makes a point of visiting town whenever Hero comes home from college, but even then there’s a distance
Hero tries to force himself to make it go away, since he knows how much Mari would have wanted him to take care of Sunny
But it definitely takes time
Sunny ends up willing himself to call Hero one day while he’s at college and the two talk on the phone for hours about everything they’d gone through
After this, their relationship improves significantly
Hero realizes that Sunny is all that is left of Mari and that they need to be there for each other in order to move on from this trauma
#goddddd I made this so long again I'm sorry#when I start talking about them I can't stop lmao#omori#omori spoilers#omori spoiler#spoiler#sunny#basil#hero#kel#aubrey#mari#omori sunny#omori basil#omori hero#omori kel#omori aubrey#omori mari#omocat#sunny x basil#sunnybasil#sunnflower#hero x mari#heromari#omori headcanons#omori fanfic#mine#my writing
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