#keep saying is how upset i am all the time which obviously isnt good for relationship health
Note
hi im the anon from before.
to summarize my intentions here: i am wary of you because of how i have been treated in the past by people who post about the same things that you do and im trying to figure out whether or not you are going to be unkind to me if i exist earnestly in your vicinity like other autistic people who are similar to you have in the past.
i was not diagnosed with autism as a kid because my mom refused to have me tested because she didnt want the responsibility of raising a disabled child. she chose to intentionally ignore my impairments, and when she couldnt she made it clear that she thought my disabilities were personal and moral failings on my part. she has been calling me a spaz for so long that i didnt realize it was an ableist slur until i was a grown adult. i have been repeatedly told that being undiagnosed means you are obviously low support needs and nobody seems to be saying otherwise and that feels gross to me because my experiences dont make sense in that framework. and when i try to explain that to other people they invalidate and deny my experiences instead of challenging their own viewpoint of autism.
i suffered from severe head trauma as a three year old and it isnt actually diagnosed because my mom didnt take me to the ER. she took me to the family pediatrician who held me down long enough to sew shut the gaping wound on my forehead because my mom was planning to go see a play and she didnt want to have to stay home and keep an eye on me after i hurt myself. and now i am actively denied referrals to neurologists despite having seizures all the time. which i plan to sue over once i can get help figuring out how to do so. i have been heavily medically neglected because of my autistic behaviors that are undiagnosed because of the medical discrimination i face over my brain damage.
my emotional instability from the brain damage has been diagnosed as every "problem disorder" under the sun and as such everyone i ever meet thinks im delusional and out of touch with reality. i cant get adequate medical care because people think im crazy because of my more extreme brain damage symptoms and how they combine with my autism.
according to your definition i do have caregivers! even if theyre not very good at taking care of me! but when other "high/mid" supports needs autistics on here were questioning my disability i was told that the only caregivers that matter were ones that were paid to help you, that loved ones didnt count. i was made fun of for saying my loved ones are my caregivers. which is why i now say i dont have one. thats what i have been told to do by other people who claim they are more of an authority on autism than me.
according to your definition i also dont and cant mask but according to all the other autistic people who like to make fun of me all the time my severe ocd is the same thing as masking so thus im obviously low support needs. i have been called "sheldon cooper" by so many "high/mid" support needs autistic people that its not funny anymore. im constantly made fun of for "masking" by people who are mocking me for how stereotypically autistic i am behaving and its making me feel scared and sick. im being repeatedly gaslit about what masking looks like so people can deny my disabilities.
i have had "high/mid" support needs autistic people call me "retarded" repeatedly because i get upset when they mislabel me as "low support needs" when i am evidently not.
i have been silenced with extreme violence because early diagnosed autistic people keep saying im "talking over them" when i try to explain that my experiences dont fit within their perception of autism.
im just.
you seem like you have genuinely good intentions but at the end of the day the way you are engaging with the autism community makes me feel unsafe as a psychotic autist with brain damage who has severe medical and psychiatric trauma from neglect i face due to ableism.
some of us dont get to have a diagnosis even if having one would help us survive. some of us dont get to have adequate caregivers even if we need them. some of us dont get any accommodations at all even if we need them.
i am. literally struggling to survive. because allistic society does nothing but abuse me and the autistic community seems to want to pretend they dont see it? my basic needs arent being met and nobody thinks its their responsibility to help me and im getting scared.
i just feel like i have been forcibly pushed out of my own community by people who think they are an authority who has the right to "correct misinformation." i dont think you should all get to Speak As Authorities in a way that gives people who have more niche experiences no room to talk about their own lives.
you arent an authority on autism. you are an authority on your own experiences. and if you want to correct misinfo as it relates to your own experiences then fine but you need to be more mindful of what actually counts under "your experiences" because as i see it your viewpoint on autism is limited and you are imposing an Autism Standard that only covers a very small part of the spectrum.
you. are not. an expert. on the whole. autism. spectrum. and yet you think its your place to "correct misinformation" based on your own beliefs and opinions and experiences. what if its not misinfo and you are just misunderstanding someone???? what if YOU just dont understand what they are talking about because you dont have direct experience with it??
how can you trust that the information you are spreading is any more correct or helpful?
i am at least "mid support needs" according to all the definitions and requirements and yet other people who claim to be my peers keep calling me ableist slurs because they insist im low support needs.
i just want to know that if i interact with your blog as a person who doesnt fit your expectations that you arent going to tear me to absolute shreds over it like the bajillion other "high/mid" support needs autistic people who have literally called me retarded for not wanting to be improperly labeled in a way that denies my suffering.
and like. this is not "discourse" and im frustrated that you see it as such. its such a red flag. i am begging you to be more mindful of autistic people who have experiences that you dont understand because youre attempts to "educate" are biased.
i just. i think yall should stop appointing yourselves as Autism Ambassadors when you are only knowledgeable on a very narrow part of the autism spectrum: the part you personally are on.
you are a hairs breadth away from unintentionally denying a lot of peoples experiences and i think yall need to just. take a step back and ask yourselves what exactly you think you are accomplishing by "correcting misinformation" like this. who is correcting all the misinformation i was fed by people who didnt want to allow me to talk about how hard my autism makes my life?
Honestly? It sounds like you're just giving yourself reasons to not follow me. And that's perfectly fine, you don't have to follow me. Keeping yourself safe is important.
I'm really just kind of consfused to be honest? I don't know who you are, I don't even know if I follow you. As far as I'm concerned, I don't interact with you in any kind of capacity already. I haven't seen anyone really interact with my blog beyond just liking or reblogging. So it's rather confusing having these asks come out of nowhere?
And some things that higher support needs post about aren't really based on "their experiences"? Like, it's just a fact that autism is a developmental disorder. That autism is considered a disability. We haven't been given any new scientific evidence yet to say otherwise. It's also just plain fact that some autistics have more severe symptoms that occur more frequently than others. There's studies around that kind of thing too? Sure we learn new things as we go and we correct accordingly where we can.
I labelled it "discourse" because you mention the term "heavily medicalised autistic people" and also mentioned that you're "anti-psych". You can be anti-psych if you want to, and I understand some of it stems from trauma, I'm not gonna stop you. But I'm not anti-psych and at this point in my life, I will never be anti-psych.
I'm also not the one labelling you as low support needs. What you're going through sucks, for sure. I'm not going to invalidate your experiences. But I'm also not a person who is good at emotional reciprocity. So if you're looking for some empathy or support, I'm probably not the blog to be following. I'm not a person who is good at that. Never have been and probably never will be.
I don't claim to be an advocate or an activist or an authority for autism. I am just one person posting my thoughts out into the void and learning new things as I go.
I have been on this hellsite since about 2010. And with this blog specifically? I am just out here vibing with about 100 followers, some of which are probably only here for the kpop.
You curate your own experiences here. Sometimes blogs just change or you realise you don't agree with them anymore, that's a-okay. It happens.
I've no idea how to how to make this experience better for you as I've no idea what I've done wrong. So if you feel that in order to protect yourself and keep yourself safe that you need to unfollow me, then do what's best for you.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
idk how to really start this but like. my mental state is just so exhausting like im so tired of it. theres no reason i should be this volatile theres no reason i should react to situations the way i do. just last night i had a weird (not even that bad) interaction with a stranger and it pissed me off so much i tried to kill myself. i wasn't sad or embarrassed i was just so furious over it, because it was a 10 second interaction and i couldn't explain myself to the other person, and i was just so fucking angry i was ready to physically hurt the other person over it well after i walked away. and then once i got home i was so upset that i got that unreasonably angry over a nothing interaction. and its not like i even got angry while i was still with the other person! it wasnt until after i walked away! there were only two thoughts circling in my mind for about 30-60 minutes after (idk im so bad at keeping track of time) that were just "why do i react to things like this" and "i just want it to stop hurting" bc thats the worst of it it just hurts so much. i swear im in physical pain after having breakdowns like that i feel hollow in my chest and obviously i dont have to say anything else about how much it emotionally hurts. i just want it to stop hurting. is that really too much to ask for? to not be in so much pain for just a little while? i guess i still havent come to terms with the fact that im disabled, because i still think of being disabled as someone who uses aids, even though i know invisible disabilities are a thing. i dont see other peoples invisible disabilities as being invalid, just really my own, because i still feel like im high enough functioning that i shouldnt consider myself disabled. i dont use mobility aids yet i dont take pain medication yet so therefore the literal brain damage i have isnt bad enough, im still fine. i kind of got off track but thats also part of it i guess. another thing that really gets me is the fact that i actually do have bpd, i was diagnosed by an actual doctor at 17 and its still a more than valid diagnosis. i feel like im in this constant cycle of "i have to get better because i cant keep living like this" and "i have to get worse so everyone else can see what theyve done to me". like last night i literally had to sit down and reread the dsm chapter on bpd to remind myself this is why youre like this. you do have this diagnosis its real and it is a problem. my 30 minute episodes of actively trying to kill myself to be followed by watching tv or something and laughing as if none of that happened. i still cant fathom not living like this, not having to go through this every fucking day. and then on the other hand i had a great interaction today at my job that made me feel really good about what i do and proving the work that i do is actually helping the community around me. and i felt on top of the world for like an hour, i felt great! and then another thing at work happened where i proved myself/my team to be right about something! which was also great! and i got another half hour of happiness. and then i get home and im reminded of how alone i am, how i really have no one to do or share anything with anymore. which is partially my fault and partially not! im not gonna act like im the most pleasant person to be around or that im easy to deal with, but fuck, man, i try. and it always feels like no one else is trying. i cut my own hair for the first time a few weeks ago; it came out great! and had no one to tell about it.
and now im just staring at a wall over all of it. none of the bad stuff happened none of the good stuff happened. im gonna get violently angry later and im gonna be nearly euphoric later, its just another day. and i want to change i want to change my lifestyle so bad but how can i do that without any help. i spent years of my life begging for other people to help me and got ignored, which resulted in my disability. i tried so hard to fix it on my own but i couldnt! im not a doctor! and now ill never be because i couldnt finish my pre-med classes because of my disability! i feel like im constantly screaming at the top of my lungs and waving red flags shouting please for the love of god someone help me every day and every day nothing changes. they say you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped, but has anyone actually tried helping people before? youre telling me you cant problem solve? you cant find a different road to a solution, just because we cant take the easiest one? im sorry that its not easy for everyone else to help me, but how does anyone else think i feel?
but whatever. im fine now. i relived every emotion i went through while writing all that but im fine now. now that its all out there its all out there, out of my system. i dont care anymore. because it didnt matter. because it doesnt matter. none of it matters. it happened and its gonna happen again. ill go through these cycles again tomorrow and the next day and the next week and the next month and the next year and so on. it is what it is i guess. but does it really have to be.
#talking to myself#content warning for like. borderline personality disorder. i guess.#this is just a wall of text bc i wont go back to therapy no one feel obligated to open or read this
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think my problem is. im always going to like some feminine things. like i saw a sweater vest today that was black with skulls. its for girls. i liked it and if it were much much bigger id wear it.
and its not just. one off items. as much as i do enjoy dressing like a 90s dude i like colorful shirts and heavy sweaters and things. i like my hair long though i think im getting to the cut it all off again stage.
because like
i want to be perceived as a man. and im not on t so like. that not going to happen.
i get that.
but its worse when i just. look at myself and doubt. like not if this is what i want but that ill ever look at myself and see a man.
im not going to give up liking stuff just to fit in a box i dont want to be in in the first place. ive never wanted to be a hyper masculine man or liked much that was stereotypically mens things.
but at the same time its hard not to think "then what can i point to and say im a guy? there theres the proof"
like im constantly looking for the proof that i am even though this is what i want, what ive always wanted. but like. thats not good enough.
i can look back and say "here are anecdotes that were signs" but i cant say. i always knew.
i can say this is what i want but i cant say that the whole package is something im ready for or even sure i want. like. you get very hairy and sweaty. and my hygiene regiment probably isnt up to the task of keeping up with it. like ive already got acne how much worse will i get it? and like my voice will change which would be awesome but also what if i hate it? theres no going back on that one. and like top surgery would be wonderful but its a painful experience to heal from and you might have to go through it twice. bottom surgery is like. sure if i could just magically have a dick thatd be convenient but actually going through surgery seems like. a hassle.
and like i could go on. but even if i said yeah sure im ready lets do this lets get on t and change and never be mistaken for a girl again because ill look just like my dad because i already do... like. then theres the social aspect of it.
id at some point have to tell my family which. i dont have the answers theyd want. i cant expalin to them why id want to be a guy especially when i dont fit into the guy binary perfectly. im not a very masculine person.
but even saying that wasnt a consideration... changing over is.. uh. a trial. it shouldnt be but it is. applying to jobs? working at jobs? just. its a trail when youre obviously transitioning.
ans like. just socially transitioning to friends would be fine enough to me to start. but like. i live with my family and i cant have it getting back to them. so i wait till i move out. baby steps.
but moving out is always a year away. or more.
and like im fine. im always fine. i honestly forget im upset or worried about things after a while but. i keep looking in the mirror and going. i look like a girl with my hair down and not a pretty man. and i know t would fix that but. i cant do t right now.
so i put my hair up and it helps. it really does but. i know if i cut my hair id be sad because short hair and also because id look like a lesbian and not a dude. which would be fine but i dont want to look like a girl. ... on the flip side having short hair is SO much easier to care for.
sorry for rambling i just need to get this off my chest.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
pokespe reread: ruby & sapphire chapter - closing thoughts! 🔴🔵
i've finally reached the end of the ruby & sapphire.... im now gonna start from the beginning and work my way back up to FRLG like i said i would!
first though, some overall thoughts!!
(also im gonna say right off the bat that i am only talking strictly ruby & sapphire here, not anything that happens in ORAS - i'll get to THAT when i get there. eventually - or any other arcs)
ok first off i said i would talk about the way the narrative portrays norman once i had finished the whole arc. and now that i have.... yup its basically as i had already been feeling as i read. they dont know wtf they're doing with norman. sometimes it feels like they're so obviously portraying him as a threat and a bad person, but they just cannot accept that and keep trying to make him sympathetic.
and i dont think that giving norman more layers as a character is a bad thing! but you can just tell that when you learn that norman WAS going to give ruby permission to do contests before he ran away, or how norman gave up his shot at being a gym leader to pay for ruby's childish mistake, the intent is not to add layers to an otherwise unredeemable character. the intent is for the reader to go "oh, he's not so bad after all! he actually IS a good dad!"
and thats. i mean i dont think i need to describe why thats horrible. the way norman treated ruby is unforgivable and he is NOT a character that should be so easily redeemed. they cant even portray his abuse without downplaying it!! like how do you depict norman beating his 11 year old child up in such horrible upsetting detail and then immediately have the other characters in the story undermine it and go "aww hes not such a bad dad after all!" RIGHT AFTER SAID ABUSE! it doesnt matter that norman was going to give ruby permission, it doesnt matter that he sacrificed for ruby when he was younger, none of that matters when its put up against norman BEATING THE FUCK OUT OF RUBY! (and like i already said in my norman analysis post, even the contest permission thing isnt that good of a deed bcuz it doesnt come with any actual change in behavior from norman)
all that to say, a very clearly abusive father is depicted here and yet the narrative is dead set on trying to make you think that his abuse isnt that bad and that hes actually a good guy deep down. which is just frankly gross and i really wish it had been handled better.
secondly, i already said this but oh my god the thing with celebi is so fucking stupid. like this isnt even cause i want norman to have stayed dead, this is just objectively a stupid writing decision. you have these characters die and add so much drama and stakes to the story, and then at the last moment you reveal that ruby SOMEHOW had caught celebi back in johto and just???? had it with him THIS ENTIRE TIME and it never came up once?
and everything just magically gets fixed and the consequences of that are just not addressed. this is just bad writing im sorry. it happens so quickly and so nonsensically it instantly makes everything that happened feel so much less consequential.
and to be clear the problem isnt that it was solved with magic! this is pokemon after all lmao. the problem is that celebi was not set up AT ALL in the story. there was absolutely NO BASIS for this reveal so it feels completely random and like a terrible deus ex machina. needless to say in my personal canon this does not happen and everyone who died just stays dead lol. (maybe not steven. we'll see once i revisit ORAS, if he really needs to be alive then i can make an exception and just say he doesnt die in the first place here. but norman and courtney at the very least gotta stay dead like cmon man)
third, here are my thoughts on how the narrative portrays ruby and sapphire's gender nonconformity overall (again, STRICTLY IN R&S) which ive been waiting to talk about!
i'll first say that i was nervous the whole time since i couldnt really remember how things were by the end, but im actually pleasantly surprised! i do have some criticisms which i'll go ahead and get out of the way first.
first of all, there is some weirdness with how sapphire is portrayed. most of the time she is tough and masculine but they occasionally hamfist in these moments where she's like "hey but i am a GIRL yknow. i can like cute things and have crushes and stuff" and it just feels. off
like im not SAYING that sapphire cant also have SOME interest in traditionally feminine things. but the way it's presented can make it feel a little like sapphire is really a "normal" (feminine) girl underneath it all and that her toughness and masculinity are all just a front. i dont think thats true and from the way they portray her other times i dont think that is supposed to be the takeaway. but it can feel like that sometimes
like it definitely feels like in contrast to ruby, they were scared to make sapphire TOO masculine without giving her certain traditional markers of femininity. yes she's like this but also look she's squealing over her crush on ruby! she is still a GIRL after all!
this can be seen as well in her appearance - while i love her fangs and wild expressions, she is still depicted as this pretty feminine looking girl. she's skinny and fairly curvy, she's got long pretty eyelashes, she wears a short skirt, etc etc. (yes ik ruby made those clothes for her but on a meta level that IS what she has been chosen to wear. and i also know that they have to use the gameverse designs BELIEVE ME I KNOW. im just commenting on it)
and again irl none of this really matters ppl can do whatever they want gender-wise and presentation-wise. but this, being a story and all, is a conscious decision to create this character this way, which might i add was made by men. sapphire is remarkably brash and masculine and i dont want to undermine that, but it really feels like they were too scared to really go all the way and not add little "oh but shes still feminine in this way of course" disclaimers throughout the story
another negative is that, while i do love ruby and sapphire's backstory, it does come with the unfortunate side effect of once again calling their gender nonconformity's genuineness into question.
having ruby and sapphire be a traditionally masculine little boy and a traditionally feminine little girl when they were kids, with seemingly no qualms about this, can make it feel like those are their "true selves" and that their gender nonconformity was ENTIRELY just bcuz of their trauma. as in, sapphire is ONLY masculine bcuz she wanted to get strong enough to protect herself and others, and deep down she actually is a feminine girl; ruby is ONLY feminine bcuz he was scared of hurting others with his strength, and deep down he actually is a masculine boy.
now this isnt actually true, and the narrative shows us this since in the little epilogue they're still acting in their usual gnc ways. but it does sow an unfortunate seed of doubt in the mind of the reader that really doesnt need to be there.
but with that out of the way lemme show some love for the positives of ruby and sapphire's portrayal bcuz i just love these guys so much
first of all, it's never even so much as implied that ruby doesnt ACTUALLY like contests or sapphire doesnt ACTUALLY like battling. if the intended narrative really was that it was all a front post-trauma and they're actually gender-conforming deep inside, then this wouldn't be the case.
secondly, im really happy that the story ends with reaffirming these things about them!! by the end ruby is decorating sapphire's cave, fawning over cute plushies with his signature Gayass Face, and bragging about his skills brushing pokemon. and sapphire is still battling, running around with her dirty pokemon, and rolling her eyes at ruby's decor. this IS who they are. ruby IS feminine and sapphire IS masculine. the narrative does not let you think otherwise by the end
third of all, i just really appreciate them being portrayed like this at all. like i said sapphire's depiction could have been played a lot less safe, but she still is a pretty masculine character and she embodies a lot of qualities that werent rlly common for these characters at the time. she's freakishly strong, she's brash, and she's constantly running around being a hero to everyone she meets, in contrast to ruby not really fitting the label of hero at all (at least until the end)
and ruby is just so overtly feminine and well. queer. it's still astounding to me. ive said before, i obviously dont agree with everything kusaka's ever done, but i will always thank him for fighting against the editors to let pokemon have such a feminine male protagonist. that really means a lot, esp back in 2002!
ruby is a very flawed character (i mean that in a good way!) and it can sometimes feel like the narrative is laughing at him a bit, but at the same time he IS the protagonist and you are supposed to sympathize with him. and like i said before, there is never any reveal that actually ruby DOESNT like these feminine things and he was just forcing himself to after the salamence incident.
he just IS feminine, even by the end of the story after all his character development. that part of him is never depicted as something that he would be better off without, that's just who he is! even after beginning to battle again. and i appreciate that!
alright and finally. just some notes on how ruby and sapphire's romance is portrayed. i've already said a lot of this but i wanted to repeat it here
basically, OVERALL i like how their romance is written. i love franticshipping, i think they're so cute and i love how they've got the whole opposites attract, enemies to lovers thing going on
i think kusaka overall does a good job of showing them starting to care more about each other in a way that feels well written, but then sometimes he just throws in some stupid cliche fanfiction bullshit that completely disrupts the slow burn going on.
the perfect example of this is the scene where sapphire rushes into granite cave to save ruby:
the way that she just instantly bolts into danger without thinking the second she realizes hes in trouble already tells you SO MUCH about how far their relationship has come and how much she cares about him, just on its own.
but then kusaka apparently decides that this isnt enough and he needs to really make it obvious, so he slaps in this weird moment that feels really off tone-wise:
like this is a dangerous situation! its tense! being treated seriously! and then all of the sudden we're hit with this comedic cliche little "it's not like i like him or anything!!1!" moment that just feels really forced. esp since brawly literally just called ruby a friend of hers. i'd take sapphire getting embarrassed/defensive at ruby being called for her friend, but there is no reason she needs to just flat out go "it's not like i have a BIG FAT CRUSH ON HIM!!" like girl. no one was saying that. what are you exposing yourself for 😭
this happens a couple other times where these random moments of making it extremely obvious that ruby and sapphire like each other are unnecessarily inserted into their otherwise slowburn romance. and it just doesnt need to be there man. the story would be much better off without these moments, if we JUST got the subtle displays of care, some blushing, etc leading up to the eventual confession. like that just makes it so much more engaging!! rather than just straight up telling the audience "they like each other!" like ik this IS for kids but damn bro cmon let me figure that out myself with my brain 😭
i also think that ruby forcefully preventing sapphire from helping him save the world near the end should have had more attention drawn to it. like ik he was just trying to protect her but i think sapphire should've been allowed to get mad at him for that!! at the very least i think it should've been brought up in the aftermath and ruby should've apologized or something. it just feels like sapphire's agency was totally stripped from her in the climax of the story and because it's never addressed, the narrative basically says that there was nothing wrong with ruby doing this.
(hmm wow ruby ignoring sapphire's agency and doing things "for her own good" without actually consulting her? that feels..... familiar........
oh god. it's right behind me isn't it
ACK. BACK FOUL DEMON. it's not your time..... not yet....)
but yes, other than these moments, i think their romance is well-written. they are just sooooo freaking cute i love them so so much. this arc may not be flawless (none of them are lol) but it did give the world charmer ruby and conqueror sapphire so. let's end on that.
overall i really enjoyed rereading thru ruby & sapphire with a new perspective now that im older, and i cant wait to do so with the rest of pokespe!!!
see you all next time for whenever i finish rereading RGB!
#serena.txt#pksp reread#ruby & sapphire reread#HOLY FUCK MAN. THIS TOOK ME LITERAL HOURS TO WRITE#also i do wanna clarify that i havent reread ORAS since i was a kid. obviously thats the whole point of this reread thing#but it does mean that when im bashing on it i am bashing on it based on very vague memories of it lmao. so apologies if anything#i say seems a little off. i just have very strong feelings about it even tho i cant exactly remember why
0 notes
Text
.
#fuck#guys im so sick of this my mental health is the worst its been since i was 13#theyre opening retail and barber shops in my area soon but somehow its still not ok to see my loved ones even if they live 4 blocks away#why are we fucking being put through this#how am i supposed to feel empathy for society in general when every day they tell me they dont care that my whole career just evaporated#and i cant even talk to anyone about it unless its over fucking facetime#and how am i supposed to say im mad about the lockdown without sounding like a right-winger#cause im not#but i just feel so utterly left behind#i dont think anyone who’s still fully supportive of being locked down indefinitely has had to spend two months isolated in a 10x10 room wit#with literally no one to talk to#my whole support system ditched me and i feel like things are fizzling out with my SO because of the distance and tension caused by this wh#whole thing i mean we dont have anything to talk about anymore cause theres nothing happening in our lives literally at all so all i can#keep saying is how upset i am all the time which obviously isnt good for relationship health#how are we supposed to pick up where we left off if we’re literally forced to be apart for what? three months? six months? a year?#how are we NOT supposed to drift apart?#we were wanting to move in together before too much longer but thats not gonna happen NOW#it literally feels like everythings ruined and i dont have any way to deal with it#but at least fucking supercuts can reopen right#someone tell me what to do PLEASE#personal#but pls interact
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
nana rewatch notes-episode 14
- “i had thought tokyo was a warmer place” in contrast to the previous “it never snows in tokyo” comment. i cannot keep doing this
-so the snowstorms were normal where nana lived
-“compared to my hometown tokyo is like a tropical forest” is nana enjoying herself? it’s hard to know how nana feels during this period of the story lol
-nana says she “hates cunning women like that” suggesting that she prefers more straightforward ways of communicating- but this isn’t entirely true. not to mention that this is clearly hachi overthinking and worried about upsetting shoji. nana has already recognized hachi as a sincere+earnest person before. nana views hachi’s attempts to please shoji as dishonest, which isn’t?? all that fair??? i guess you can see it as hachi trying to manipulate the situation but i just…idkkk
- i think nana’s comment comes from hachi’s usual willingness to put herself in vulnerable situations and seeing hachi hesitate purely to please shoji- rather than being forthright in her affection, bothers nana.
-nana giving hachi her jacket and hachi giving nana her scarf. a literal exchange of warmth. (i also think you could add that hachi wishes she could offer more/ feels that she didn’t help nana as much as she did her)
-“she seemed to fit better with the snowy mountains” oh boy. the snow metaphors never end
-hachi says she IS a cunning woman. this line immediately follows “i was no longer the pure woman who would continue dating shoji expecting nothing in return. but i pretend to be. because i didn’t want nana to hate me”
-nana’s idea of a cunning woman was someone who wasn’t honest/forward about what they wanted; and wanting something is exactly what makes hachi feel impure- or better yet, realizing when you don’t want something.
-we’re finally seeing hachi acknowledge her own wants+needs in a relationship. and this is (kind of?) the second time we see her admit that she isn’t happy with the ways things are going with shoji and she obviously has some guilt attached to those thoughts.
“i didn’t want nana to hate me” so nana’s words got to her a bit lol. but i think hachi would’ve thought this no matter what bc of her internalized guilt- she thinks she should be happy with shoji as is.
- can i also say how susceptible this line is to a queer reading? hachi slowly admitting to herself that she isn’t happy with her boyfriend, feeling impure and guilty bc of it, and afraid that it will cause her girl best friend to hate her??? sounds really fucking gay to me.
-this is def one of my favorite episodes lol
- i am OBSESSED with how the characters are positioned in this scene. both hachi and sachiko looking away from shoji (and each other), while nana is right in front of him and the only one verbally confronting the situation. the pain shoji has caused both hachi and sachiko is laid right out in front of him, as he avoids looking at anyone.
- “i don’t want him. i don’t want to look at his face.” and she physically can’t. her perception of shoji has been shattered. he was someone she expected to never hurt her.
-the way everyone is now highly saturated compared to the background indicates how unreal this feels to hachi.
-this is also...a moment of growth for hachi. i think in the way she rejected shoji.
-“i wasn’t mature enough to forgive his betrayal” im sorry you feel that way. hachi you have so many ideas abt relationships that concern me pls see a therapist
-“i had too much pride to cling onto someone who had just hurt me.” hachi i think you could use a little MORE pride. also, wanting to be treated decently isnt just pride? it’s sad that hachi doesn’t feel that she deserves to end things with shoji or be upset about getting hurt.
-god hachi’s character offers so much good commentary on modern womanhood though.
-i still to this day have conflicting feelings abt the scene between hachi and junko. i wouldn’t call hachi crying over her ex-bf she just caught cheating “playing the victim”. while junko is applying this to how hachi behaves generally (and in a general sense it holds some truth), this is...literally not the time.
-it’s also unfair to suggest hachi was the only selfish person in the relationship. shoji was hardly willing to meet her halfway. hachi was careless and not very observant but shoji straight up didn’t enjoy her company. shoji was selfish too.
-i get that a big part of hachi’s characterization is that she always faces direct consequences and no one makes excuses for her, but this is literally not her fault lmao
-so far my favorite nana eps are 1,9, and 14
previous episode
next episode
#did not realize it’s been over a week since last episode’s notes#sorry about that#holiday stuff yknow#nana#ai yazawa#episode 14#finally….shoji is DONE#i have so many feelings about junko guys#i would say that im pushing my lesbian hachi agenda but i think shes doing it herself
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
Alright. I am beating a dead horse here but taking time off of this show and fandom did not work. This will be the last time I ever say something about it but it’s upsetting to me so I need to vent. And to everyone saying “You are an adult man and this is fiction, why are you so obsessed? Weirdo. Learn to differentiate between fiction and reality.” I am going to address these notions as well as other problems I am having here. But really, Inuyasha was one of my first Anime, I have many dear memories and especially Rin was one of my all time favourite characters. Seeing her being mistreated like this upsets me. Ofc it does because if you watch something in formative years it’s not just fiction like a boring sitcom you watch now. Shows and characters are important to people and to simply dismiss it like that even if they would have been equally upset if it wouldnt have become canon, is infuriating. Really this is just therapeutic for me because even after weeks it’s still so baffling to me. Also please excuse the grammar and spelling mistakes. I am not a native speaker.
So the problem is obviously Sessrin and how it’s done because while I absolutely dont agree with this pairing, it would have been fine if it wasnt like it is.
In the original show, Rin is an 8 yo child and her entire character reflects just that. She behaves like a child and depends on others. She has also been traumatized, doesnt speak at the beginning of the show and dies twice. Both times she is saved by or because of Sesshomaru. In many ways, while she has survival skills on her own, she depends on his presence alone to keep danger away. He also leaves her with trustworthy humans at the end but stays in her life as a protector. Now I like the original dynamic. It’s sweet, innocent and both characters grow because of it. Rin can work through her traumatic experiences, learns to trust others and Sesshomaru becomes a better person.
What happens afterwards only happens offscreen right until Rin gives birth to his children at the crippling old age of 15. 15. My lil sis is 16 now and couldnt consent to something like that. And she is mature af. It’s ridiculous. My blood boils just typing that shit out. And if you give me the ‘it’s legal in Japan’ excuse. In Germany a 14 yo can be with a 20 yo sexually. Still not okay in societies eyes and on tv it’s never shown as something positive. It’s even explicitly forbidden for authority figures like teachers or protectors to be with their protégé before the age of 18 because the chances of even unintentional grooming are too high.
Now lets take a quick break and discuss how this kind of relationship usually plays out in other fictional pieces. A minor with an adult is something that is being portrayed at times and I dont have a problem with that. The problem is how it’s being done in Yashahime. And I dont mean the nonexisting character development but the fact that even in adult fiction this type of relationship isnt depicted positively. And this show is for young adults and teens that will exist way after all the discourse as the official sequel to Inuyasha. A cult anime. Meaning that in the future young people will watch it. Just like many still watch Inuyasha to this day. It’s on Netflix for fucks sake. Just to preface what comes next.
Some people say, “But cant you differentiate between reality and fiction?!?!?!” Adults can but younger people havent developed this ability to the same extent.
What happened to Rin was statutory r*pe in the USA, illegal even in Germany and should have been depicted as such unless the showrunners and fandom are okay with watching it without criticism or deconstruction. At best it was done with the intention to please the fanbase but really it’s neglectful to anyother part of the present and future audience. Not even most Animes do that. And I get that Sessriners arent into that shit in real life and an adult show could have gone this route because the viewers understand and add the criticism in their heads. Not ideal but whatever to me. But a YA show to go this route is so wrong on so many levels. The younger viewer who will watch this show in the following years might subconsciously internalize that this is acceptable under certain conditions when it’s not criticized properly on the show. That lowers their alertness when an adult actually starts to groom them. How dense do you have to be to assume that the lack of criticism on this YA show is a good thing?? Not everyone who will ever watch this show is an adult or capable of the same reasoning.
But another thing: for the same reason r*pe isnt depicted in a positive light, these types of relationships arent either. Because it’s not a positive thing and most people and showrunners dont want to see or create it as positive. Even in adult fiction, even in other anime, the media critizes and deconstructs what it’s showing because normally the showmakers dont approve but show it for realisitc or dramatic reasons. the same sessrin storyline would fit a fucking horror or thriller series. Just change the music and show it all. No showmakers in their right mind would go “Aye we got a r*pe scene coming up, lets put romantic music and have a pink filter over it.”
“But it’s a different time and culture!” People will say and I agree but to have the audacity to assume that back then it was okay or that in todays Japan it’s okay, is fucked up. Think about it for a second. That’s so fucked up to think. Even if the society back then or in Japan thinks it’s okay, does it make it okay? 15 yo girls werent able to consent to adults and bear their children back then. They had to. They were raised with the expectations and they simply grew up thinking that it was the normal thing. But that doesnt make it right. That’s just societal grooming which did not prepare them in any way or allowed them the human dignity that they would have deserved. To now act like it’s all cool to just show the “positive” aspects or to twist it into something positive is so fucked up. Child Brides are a fucked up concept and to portray it as anything else is fucked up and also undermines the experience many girls still have to make. period.
I heard people say that it’s okay to portray it in this way because “Sesshomaru is not human!!!1″ and that’s correct. He is not. BUT, it’s not about being human but about maturity, consens, and independency. Him being a yokai makes it worse imo because there is an obvious power discrepancy. But in this particular fiction a good relationship could have been established (Kagome and Inuyasha for example) on those foundations but they did not because I can only assume they wanted Sesshomaru to smash and the show to pick up at a point where the other characters arent too old to be cool.
“What’s with Sango and Miroku, Kagome and Inuyasha?? It’s the same!” No it’s not. Rin was 8 at the beginning of the show. Kagome was 15 and Sango was 16-17 when they met their significant others. If you now tell me that you think 8 to be comparable to 15-17, I must ask you to get a reality check. Kagome’s and Sango’s relationships were slowburns starting when they already were able to have sexual and romantical feelings. Rin was a child. And Kagome did not kiss Inuyasha until they knew each other for a long ass period of time and bonded as friends and maybe more. Sesshomaru and Rin never were friends in the same way that Kagome and Inuyasha were because the maturity levels are way off. No adult is friends with a little child in the same way they are friends with their adult friends. And normally you dont grow into such a friendship but in the rare case you do, it’s not when she is 15 but maybe 20 or 25.
Last but not least, Rin is not a character to the audience the same way Kagome or Sango are. Why? Because she was never shown as an adult or 3 Dimensional character to the audience. We know her as a child who wants to be with her trusted group. She is naive, but tough and doesnt have any motivation or drive on her own outside her group. Like every child she clung to the adults around her and her world outside of this group was nonexisting.
Kagome wanted to be successful in school, Sango was a demon hunter and wanted to find her brother. Those are motivations and traits that dont circle around the love interest. Rin never had those because she was not developed to that point. Because she was a child and her entire existence was to develop Sesshomaru and to perhaps give the viewer a character to simply adore.
What we see is of her: Mistreated child, -> Dead child -> Child being looked after and healing, -> Child not being homeless anymore -> ????? -> Teenager getting knocked up, pumping out main characters and then getting yeeted into a tree.
This is not the way you treat a beloved character. There is no dignity to her character. “But she is fictional!!1″ Yes she is. But please show me a show that treats its child characters like this without criticizing it.
I would have loved to see her grow as her own person. Go on her own adventures or learning a craft or developing meaningful bonds with other characters her age. Forming ideas that dont revolve around Sesshomaru alone. You know her being 3 Dimentional and not just there to pump out main characters. And if she then with 20 or 25 met Sesshomaru again and thought he was the hottest shit, I would have been fine with it. Not happy but fine. But in the little time we saw her as ‘not a child’, she still behaved the way she did before.
78 notes
·
View notes
Video
youtube
whats the point of yamato
comments on youtube
Here's my take: the Wano Arc is about the "burden of inherited will." By this I mean something like, the burden of upholding the promises and dreams of those who came before. We've seen inherited will as an unambiguously good thing in the series so far, but the Wano Arc is trying to complicate the narrative, by showing what a burden it can be to take on the dreams of those who came before. And this theme isn't just in one storyline, it's laced throughout the Wano Arc, in the motivations of so many characters: * We have Momo struggling with the burden of living up to his father's legacy as a leader, and the burden of the throne of Wano. He's anguished over this, he weeps, because it's a burden to live up to someone as great as his father. * In Oden's flashback, we seem him struggle with the burden of his own father's dreams (that he become the Shogun, settle down, etc), only for him to eventually return and take on the burden of the country (literally, he puts his followers on his back!). * We have the Scabbards struggling with the burden of achieving Oden's dream of opening Wano's borders. They spend twenty years waiting and suffering, or travel across the sea and suffer, all for the sake of their leader's dream. We see Ashura-doji grow bitter under this burden, we see Denjiro mentally break, we see Kine'mon refuse to have a joyful reunion with his wife, all because they suffer under the burden of an inherited dream. * Orochi felt compelled to uphold the will of his ancestors and depose the Kozukis and throw the country into ruin. There's a reason we see his ancestors basically manipulate him into pursuing his path. They pass on their dream to him. * So obviously we have Luffy also taking on the dream of Oden, to defeat Kaido and Orochi, etc. But it's not a coincidence that in this arc we have two characters to whom Ace made promises: Tama and Yamato. They've become part of Luffy's burden, because he inherited Ace's will. (That's one way Yamato fits in) * But we also have Yamato struggling under the burden of a will she does not want to inherit, her father's. He wants her to be imprisoned, literally chained to a will that is not her own. That's quite the burden, I'd say. But there's another will she would prefer to inherit, obviously: Oden's. I think in the conclusion of this arc, we'll see characters (Luffy, probably) say something about inherited will being something chosen, it has to be a burden you choose to bear, not one forced on you. Yamato will probably feature in this conclusion in a few ways: (1) as a character foil to Momonosuke. It's not a coincidence that they're the exact same age and each want to take on the will that was forced on the other. Momo was swept across the world and travelled with Luffy in order to fulfill his role as Oden's son, but he wants to be Shogun. He takes on Kaido's appearance (via his Devil Fruit). Yamato was chained to Onigashima, and wanted nothing more to escape and travel the world with Luffy, but Kaido wants her to become the Shogun. She takes on Oden's appearance. The arc will conclude with something about Yamato and Momo freely entrusting each other with the dreams of their fathers, or something. (2) as a feature in Luffy choosing to uphold Ace's will. By taking her with him and reaffirming a promise with Tama, we'll see Luffy choose to take on Ace's will. In this way, we'll see that what makes a will truly inherited isn't a bond of blood or destiny, it's a bond of friendship, trust, et cetera. Yamato's storyline will be used to punctuate that theme for Luffy and Momo, the actual central characters of this arc.
I feel like Yamato’s storyline is learning about inherited will and not having to actually be someone (Oden) to carry on their will/dreams.
Hannya, which Yamato’s mask is based on, are well known in Japanese theatrical stage culture for representing characters who are the physical manifestation of twisted female souls.
Yamato seems to be inspired by Oscar François de Jarjayes, from the shōjo manga The Rose of Versailles, who is a woman raised by her father as if she were a boy in order to succeed him as the commander of the Royal Guard at the Palace of Versailles.
an authors comment for chapter 945 oda talked about how he read rose of versailles and was surprised oscar was a woman
The Shogun must be a male of Seiwa Genji lineage according to Japanese history so this explains why she is referred to as son. Oda based Yamato on 2 people. 1) Yamato Takeru a crossdressing Japanese prince and 2) Oscar from Rose of Versailles. Yamato Takeru being the son of Emperor Keiko who crossdressed to kill his enemies. Oscar being a girl raised as a boy to succeed the throne. Oda is mixing Japanese folklore with Rose of Versailles to tell a story of Kaido trying to force his daughter to be the Shogun/a boy. Do you think I rip this from nowhere? Chapter 945 if I recall correctly on VIZ Oda is on the authors comments speaking on Rose of Versailles. Yamato wears a Hannya mask which originates from Noh theater and represents female obsession (Oden obsession) and I bet this arc has a theme of deliverance. Not just deliverance from physical chains but familial bonds as well. The people who refer to her as “he” miss the underlying themes the Shogun must be male and Kaido is probably upset he has no actual son. Yamato does not want to be the Shogun and referring to the last chapter Kaido is trying to tell her what her fate is. The Vivre Cards will not say (Male Heart) like in close reference to Kiku’s card and she will not come out and say “I am a man at heart!” She uses the pronoun boku which is ambiguous and abnormal which is in reference to the “Oden” funny delusional act she has going on. Coming chapters will reveal this more and more. Since the combination of the title card saying daughter -> the Hannya mask -> explosive cuffs and the Shogun theme it was clear she was being bruteforced into something.
Not trying to speak for everyone here, but to say people use "he" because they don't pick up on themes is simply not the case. People use "he/him" pronouns because so far in the story, that is how Yamato has made clear that he would like to be referred to and so people use he/him pronouns out of respect for those desires. I'm not trying to say at all that I disagree with the themes/connections you've mentioned, but to say that you've "cracked the code" and you know better than Yamato on how they should be gendered is disrespectful to them. It may well be the case that everything you said is true and that by the end of the arc Yamato will wish to be referred to with she/her pronouns, but like I said to just assume this before it actually happens is disrespectful. Imagine refusing to use he/him pronouns for a trans-man because you know that their father always wanted a son and assuming their desire to use these pronouns only exists to validate their fathers wishes. I'm not trying to draw a one to one equivalence with this example, I get that One Piece is a story where information does just exist but is introduced with a specific purpose, I just hope I can better explain why many people believe he/him are the correct pronouns to use for Yamato at this time. Frankly, I think the presence of Kiku as a trans-women in this arc might be odas way of setting up the exact scenario you mentioned with yamato while still making sure he doesn't come across as invalidating trans identities. Hopefully that makes sense. Again I'm not trying to be argumentative, only trying explain why many people believe it is more respectful to use he/him pronouns at this time for yamato DESPITE the themes you've mentioned.
Quick fact check: Oscar wasn't raised as a boy to succeed the throne, she was a raised as a boy to become commander of the royal guards
This might not be accurate as I'm just saying off the top of my head but in a way, Yamato might represent wano itself. She was chained up and abused by Kaido like he does to wano in a sense.
Yamato is literally old name of Japan, lol
Yamato by taking Oden legacy she is impersonating the man who's the main representation of wano to the world
On a larger scale we are fighting to save wano from kaido
On a individual scale Yamato who disguises as Oden who represents wano is fighting to save herself from kaido
It's like NAMI all over again
A girl who is representing an entire population and territory is fighting to save herself and the people and territory she represents from a fish that keeps her and her territory enslaved
Her not being part of the mainland is symbolic to Wano exactly lol, isolated from the other world and chained there by Kaido for decades. She, like the people of Wano, has this black and white perception of Oden that they blindly follow without looking into why he did what he did. Even now people are putting Momo on some pedestal worth dying for without understanding who he is, similar to their past expectations of Oden for his dad. Yamato is doing the same with her declaration of dying for him based solely on his dad and the stuff in the journal.
Yamato's development seems to fall in parallel to Momo. Momo had to deal with the expectations of being Oden's son and his people want him to be just like Oden they don't see Momonosuke Kozuki.
On the other hand Yamato similarly was thrust with a path set by Kaido her father but wants to be Oden this person who inspired Yamato to the point of worship that every action is posed with the question "what would Oden do."
The climax of both their arcs might be to just choose to be who they are and act as they would do not as their predecessors as they both could never be Oden for instance.
I sort of dislike how some people act like Yamato realizing not to “be oden” and Yamato joining the strawhats are mutually exclusive
if yamato does join the strawhats and is the 11th that would confirm the idea that yamato isnt trans she just cosplays as oden due to idolizing him if you believe the MFMM theory due to people noticing that in east blue the recruitment went zoro, nami, usopp, and sanji in grand line it was chopper, robin, franky and brook a male female male male .
jinbe is the 10th who joined in new world ( the male ) and it fits for him to be followed by the 11th a woman . ( so if yamato joins the strawhats and is the 11th ( meaning carrot doesnt join) yamato isnt trans
if yamato and carrot both join then yamato really is a transman
both okiku and yamato wore hannya masks
after okiku put on a hannya mask she revealed that she was a man in body but a woman in heart and a hannya mask represents female demon
yamato was introduced as kaidos son while in a hannya mask but after she took it off revealed she was his daughter
"Yamato" (大和やまと?), meaning "Great Harmony", is an ancient name for Japan (originating from the Yamato Province) and can can also refer to the Yamato period of Japanese history, which lasted into the 8th century. Relating to that, Yamato is the dynastic name of the ruling Imperial House of Japan and further refers to the dominant ethnic group of Japan, the Yamato people. Otherwise:
Yamato Takeru is a legendary Japanese prince of the Yamato dynasty, prominent in mythology.
Yamato is the name of a prominent WWII-era Japanese battleship.
Yamato nadeshiko is a phrase that refers to the idealized image of a Japanese female.
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
okay here’s my thoughts on Godzilla (1954). i took very light notes and this is gunna be disjoined cuz its me
hard to write this right now cuz im sitting here just like. man. that ending really got me. first thing i wrote was “good suspense” and thats true. i really liked how long it took them to build up to godzilla’s debut and even that was just his damn head. speaking of that scene it fucking blew me away. i got chills seriously. ive heard godzilla’s cry before of course but hearing it that time felt like the first time ever. it was incredible.
next thing i wrote was “funny they dont know dinos r birds” which is what i thought when they were saying godzilla was the inbetween of dinosaurs and lizards or whatever the fuck.
in that same scene i really liked how those guys were going to try to keep the truth hidden but they weren’t allowed to do so. this is important foreshadowing for the oxygen destroyer later im realizing this now. good good stuff.
it was at this point that i ate my dinner while watching the movie which was a very delicious steak and carrots. i wrote this down bc it was just a really good meal. dont remember much from this part of the movie but man i was enjoying it because of the steak.
godzilla’s proper debut was awesome. it was just like. looking back as i obviously am i can see this scene and be like “this was it...the big one”. i liked it a lot, not the best kaiju scene ever obviously but respect to godzilla ‘54 yknow. my guy really hates bridges he killed like two or three of them.
OMG THE FUCKING REPORTERS ON THAT TOWER? those crazy ass motherfuckers up there taking pictures and shit as godzilla was about to eat them. that absolute legend who was narrating his own death. fucking nuts i was losing my mindddddd
about the father character who was against killing godzilla i wrote “I get you dude but godzilla is destroying shit and hes a 50 meter tall dinosaur” because he wanted to study instead of kill. how would you even study something like that cuz he sure as fuck didnt actually have an answer.
at first i thought the oxygen destroyer shit was kinda dumb and i was like “oh this guy is the model for the decades of showa scientists inventing insane death potions and shit and then being upset when theyre used for evil” but i dont actually care about that anymore because of this next part
sorry actually before i get to that part i had one more thing i wrote down and its that i think the movie gives you a lot of time to think. a lot of scenes go on for a lot longer than i think was strictly necessary and at first i was like i guess this is what the 50s was like? and that may be true idk but i found myself with a lot of time to contemplate the story and godzilla and the current situation and i think that was good actually. time to really soak it all in.
ok here’s the part, the ending. like everything from when they go underwater to when the endcard rolls...i felt like i was holding my breath the entire time. there was almost no dialogue but i felt like so much was being said. that one scene really made me feel like “godzilla isnt something we should be killing, this feels really bad and i feel so sorry for it, but we dont really have a choice.” i dont think i need to explain the whole thing about godzilla i feel like eeeeeveryone knows about godzilla and of course they literally look at the camera and say atomic bombs are bad, which they are obviously. but ive never seen this movie before and that whole scene of just watching godzilla essentially choke to death was really. something. i was like transfixed. that one last bit where he surfaces to roar one last time. haunting.
so my thoughts are basically that i understand why this movie was received so well and why it created a legacy that lasts to this very day. fucking...good film. i have to recommend it.
18 notes
·
View notes
Note
Keeping in mind ive only read a handful of your posts when they pass across my dash, I am curious. Do you think Kit was at fault or are you just upset because most of the fandom takes his side? I personally think it was a mistimed confession and also a LOT of miscommunication on Kit's part (not being honest about his misgivings about the necromancy for instance). I mean I understand how his feelings could be hurt (and I totally empathize with the not feeling like one isnt enough or lovable) but in the end of things it just seems like a few missteps too many.
Ty wasnt obligated to anything in the situation either. I mean Ty never did anything wrong (except maybe some black magic /hj). Whether Ty had feelings for Kit or not didnt matter. It was a bad time and definitely not the place for love confessions. And even if it was a good place, one of my biggest irritation with the English language is how vague the word love is. For all Ty knew it could've just been a friend saying he loved him. It has been a while but I dont remember Kit making it clear (and my oblivious ass would not have noticed irl and also kind of wasn't sure when I read the book the first time either). People make Ty out to be the bad guy in that situation but like in all honesty I feel like most of the issues that happened were just miscommunication and mistiming and it wasn't Ty who was doing that.
And in all honesty if Kit had stayed, I genuinely think they probably could have worked things out if they had just talked to each other after. But he didn't so we won't really know until they see each other again (which they obviously worked it out if they get together, I mean, hopefully). Ty didn't understand nor have the time to even try and think about it long enough to try and understand, and Kit didn't understand that. But that is just my take of the situation.
(Also this kind of sounds like I blame Kit but I dont??? I think everything that happened was just a series of unfortunate events stemmed from the fact that Kit didn't communicate to Ty properly which isn't exactly anyone's fault and I dont think many people are about to go make sure they were understood after they perceive a rejection). Either way I hope this makes some sense. Im tired so my thoughts are a little hazy
I don't know. I think I slightly blame Kit but it's more the fandoms reaction that kind of increases my frustration. Yeah it was just bad timing and bad communication and I'm annoyed by the use of this plot device but whatever.
Also I agree with you on the English language and I love you being super unclear. But I think Kit was just panicking and he didn't think it through. I just want them to work it out and make up.
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
isle of the lost vs descendants 1 characterizations
the book ends literally when the movie starts so their personalities cant be that different right? lets see
(similarities posted at the bottom!)
DIFFERENCES:
book: when evil queen goes on about beauty related things, especially in regards to her daughter, usually evie would begrudgingly recite whatever “tip” eq taught her and just go along with what she says. not to say she hated those kinds of things, but whenever her mother brought it up, she never expressed similar excitement or engagement. more often than not she was indifferent to her mother’s beauty antics, and we only see her talk about them in regards to herself in the last few chapters (im not talking abt the mirror incident, but the one liners she’d drop about her appearance here and there)
movie: when the parents first tell their kids about going to auradon, eq talks about sprucing her daughter up before she leaves and evie is visibly excited about the makeover. she also goes onto encourage it on others as seen when they’re all in the limo and she tries to put makeup on mal.
book: the villain parents are not friends and we almost never see them together. the one time we saw the parents/adults all together was in the prologue scene for evie’s 6th birthday party. after that they never interact and dont pay each other any mind. this is especially true regarding evil queen and maleficent, as they state in the book that they’ve been at odds ever since they fought over who’d rule the isle. eq has also just been welcomed back into society after being banned by the other, so time-wise, at worst, they are still enemies and, at best, barely tolerable acquaintances.
movie: evil queen & maleficent have a significantly close relationship, so much so that eq knows her house like the back of her hand and where maleficent keeps things, specifically that her spellbook is in the fridge. they even have a laugh about how they use to run things before being forced to live on the isle. they seem to be genuinely close.
put the rest under the cut bc this post is too long lol
book: jafar and jay’s mantra is “whoever has the gold makes the rules” which was significant because it helped them while in the forbidden fortress
movie: jafar and jay’s mantra is “there’s no team in I” (while this change was surprising, i also wasn’t that upset abt it bc both book and movie!jay struggle with teamwork)
book: carlos is not athletic at all and goes on about how he hates gym class. he is very focused on stem and doesn’t really care about any other kind’ve hobby. meanwhile jay is athletic and does casual parkour when going anywhere.
movie: both of them do extreme parkour in the opening song. im not referring to the dancing ofc, but the extra flips and tricks they do. this is not unusual for jay, but is in regards to carlos.
book: jay isn’t the only one that goes around stealing things, mal very much does it to. at the end of the day they’d even compare how many things they’ve stolen to see who’s the best thief. jay usually wins, but still, both are thieves.
movie: when they get to auradon, mal is very confused as to why jay would take the time to steal things and even needs for him to explain why he does it.
book: ben describes audrey as a classic fairy tale princess. she finds all things in auradon lovely and beautiful, and even has a bird land on her finger during their date. while she does think negatively of everyone on the isle, she acts mostly “lovely and sweet” before anything else, and it is not faked. think: giselle from enchanted.
movie: idk how else to explain this difference besides “audrey just has a different vibe”. she is more regina george-esque than genuinely cheery, and puts on an obviously fake smile and attitude so often that queen belle expresses distaste for her
SIMILARITIES:
mal likes art and goes around the isle putting up tags --- (the romance storyline wasn’t bad, but it would’ve been nice to see mal maybe join an art club? or get into painting or smthg else related to her hobby)
carlos is afraid of dogs --- in the book he can’t even say or hear the word bc it’s a trigger for him. he can say “puppies”, but he cannot say the word dog. whereas in the movie, he says the word several times. this is an extremely minor difference to be fair
when they’re afraid/think they’re in danger, they all cling to jay
they’re not used to sunlight
the ben & mal tension on first meet (and continued infatuation before the cookie scene) --- in the book both characters have had a dream about the other. they didn’t know who the other was, but they remembered the dreams vividly enough that they were able to describe their faces in detail. in the movie when they first meet, both pause on each other several times. it’s likely because of the o’l Disney Romance™️, but it could also be because of curious recognition.
jay is a flirt/smoother charmer and girls fawn over him
carlos is good with and likes science & technology
mal wanting to prove herself to her mother & the others not being as set on it --- in the book, mal is constantly reminded of the times her mother has called her “not worthy of bearing her own name or of being her daughter” and it causes mal to lose her cool several times. the other VKs also have parental issues ofc, but ones that are not as focused on proving themselves like mal’s are. theirs lean more towards other problems. in the movie she is extremely insistent on reminding them what they’re at auradon for and that this is their “one chance to prove themselves”
the core four freeze in fear when confronted with the reality of their parents’ pasts
mal can touch maleficent’s scepter --- to be fair that dance number in the museum was most likely just mal daydreaming, but still
jay going off on his own/following his own plan --- in the book jay and jafar plan for him to go with mal to the forbidden fortress and then double cross her and steal the scepter for himself, taking it as their “big score”. in the movie when they first see the wand with their own eyes, he runs off in front of everyone and only opens the gate enough for himself to squeeze through. carlos has to open it wider so they can all get through it after him. and once theyre in the same room as the wand, he reaches for it first against mal’s wishes.
carlos is bad at sports --- this is in both the differences & similarities section because, while in the book & movie he’s bad at sports, in the book he also doesnt like them and has no desire to do them as he is completely focused on science & tech. while after some practice in the movie, carlos joins the tourney team alongside jay. (i personally would’ve preferred for him to join a computer or engineering club)
mal can manipulate people with ease (book: evie / movie: jane & ben)
fairy godmother is mainly the one that enforces the “no magic” rule --- beast may have created it, but both in the book & the movie, people/creatures talk about fairy godmother being the one that restricts them
carlos climbs trees/searches for higher ground when afraid
evie knows how to use her looks, specifically her smile, to get the things she wants (book: persuading dr. facilier / movie: getting info out of chad)
audrey likes to dance
carlos is sarcastic & competitive
mal cheers up evie when she’s upset
evie is good with academics
ben wanting to be his own person rather than act like his father --- this was a good continuation from book to movie as ben only realizes he needs to be himself in the final chapters, which he just continues to encourage in the movie.
mal’s spur of the moment saving tactics
the villains aren’t good with computers/the internet --- the isle canonly doesn’t have wifi and in the movie the villains struggle with the laptop that was most likely given to them from an auradon representative
audrey’s family still being deeply traumatized by what maleficent did
belle not letting beast talk shit
mal pitying her mother for what she went through --- in the book: when she sees the past of what happened at aurora’s christening and sympathizes that her mother was nothing but a sad lonely girl. in the movie: the “and i really wish you hadn’t gotten there yourself” line during ben’s coronation
annddd yeah!
honestly there were a lot more similarities than i was expecting, and i am pleasantly surprised! book to movie things dont usually crossover well, but honestly, the first movie didnt do too bad of a job of it.
tbh i think the one that probably suffered the most was audrey’s character. she really seemed very different from her book counterpart. this isnt to say that book!audrey was a saint and would’ve treated the VKs kindly, but she also wasn’t a fake person and was genuinely that cheery and upbeat all the time. whereas in the movie, it seems like almost nobody likes her (except chad) bc of her “fakeness”.
i personally think if they were gonna go with the “bad girl and her minion” role, then audrey should’ve been the minion. in the book she was kind’ve an airhead (?? idk she just tended to have her head in the clouds a lot) and if one of the auradon girls told her to act a certain way towards the VKs for the “good of auradon”, i could see her listening to them. i dont know if she’d be the one to come up with the evil deed herself though.
overall, the continuity flowed pretty well. i wish they didn’t change audrey’s character like they did (they probably could’ve had jane play the role of ‘stuckup girl’ tbh since she was a new character and her mother had a higher position in the kingdom compared to audrey’s parents anyway, so smthg to boast abt), but other than that, the movie’s characterizations were kinda close to the books!
36 notes
·
View notes
Note
if you don’t mind me asking why don’t you respect thomas as a person anymore? i’m not trying to be rude or jump to anyone’s defense, i’m just genuinely curious.
I have been getting a lot of asks like these since I mentioned that I’m still upset with Thomas and although I’ve covered it multiple times on this blog, I will go ahead an explain it again because I’m tired of people telling me how to feel.
Here I will complie a list of all of the reasons why Thomas just does not rub me the right way sometimes. That being said, i recognize that Thomas is a very good actor and is a very talented man. He may have things going on in his life that I don’t know about, but the opinion I’ve formed of him is simply based on what I’ve observed and I am willing to change that if he shows reasons for the things that he does. I’m in no way trying to “demonize” Thomas here or make him out to be some crazy, rutheless being. I simply just dont vibe with some of the choices he makes and things he does. So here we go...
1) Thomas appears to have a pretty big ego. He constantly posts pictures of himself on his social media instead of using the platforms as most youtubers would: to communicate with fans about his content. He is okay with fans contantly worshipping him like a god and living off his every word. Even during his birthday he would retweet videos of people literally cellebratig his birthday with cake and candles, and that is just so odd to me... Theres nothing wrong with having a lot of confidence in yourself, but its simply something that rubs me the wrong way.
2) Thomas is a really awful business man. As I have mentioned time and time again, Thomas is running a business here, just like most youtubers with his level of fame. He has merch, a huge following, and a membership program. Despite this, Thomas continues to act as if his youtube channel is just a fun past time for him. His schedule for video releases is atrocious and I’d be surpised to find out that the team even schedules dates for things at this point. To an outside fan it just seems like they release a video whenever they want to or whenever they finish it, with no prior end goal in mind. Thomas treats his job as if it is an opinional past time, and as someone who is in college, works in a fast food job, and has an internship I cannot respect that. The man has no work-life/personal-life separation and it shows... He’s hired all of his friends to work for him and gets work done at a snails pace because of it. He always says that the team is working hard and getting things done, but never has anything to show for it...
3) Thomas is very bad at communicating with his fans. For having such an outstanding and die-hard fanbase, Thomas takes them for granted. Instead of giving fans insight on video release dates and production, he opts to say nothing simply because he doesnt “want people to get mad at him for being wrong”. I don’t know about anyone else, but that is just so messed up to me... You keep all of your adoring fans in the dark simply because you dont want to face the concequences of you not getting your work done is a timely manner? This bothers me a lot... especially when a lot of fanders are paying to get “extra information” when in fact the livestreams are simple Joan and Thomas hanging out and joking around with a very rare, almost completely absent mention of future videos.
4) The babying issue. Thomas has to recognize that his fans baby him and treat him like a breakable doll all the time. This not only makes him incapable of taking and responding to criticism, but it makes him shrug off responsibility all together. If his fans never give him concequences for his actions and simply praise him to no end, then he just keeps going what he’s doing and ignores any ouce of negativity because of it. The fanbase has babied thomas into thinking that he can do no wrong and will never be criticized, and it shows. Never once has he formally sat down and just talked about the concerns people like me and the anons that come to my blog have.
5) This is a newer one I realized with the most recent episode. The whole Trump joke threw me off guard because, while I don’t support Trump, I KNOW there must be fanders who do. And Thomas must have known this when allowing the joke into the show. It’s very inconsiderate to subtly manipulate your fans like that when this show has frankly nothing to do with politics. Had a fan been watching that who has their reasons to support trump, they may have felt alienated and hated by Thomas and that just insnt cool. This isnt the only instance of Thomas being manipulative with his fanbase. He constantly thanks and praises those of his fans who baby him and worship him while ignoring and never talking about those who have criticisms. This make fans who have concerns feel as though their worries make them terrible people and they shouldnt say them. Is this blog is anything to show for it, fanders are scared to speak about how they feel. Thi has created an extremely toxic environment for open discussion, but thomas continues to let it go on.
6) Money. Everyone, believe it or not, but Thomas makes a LOT of money. He is not an independent creator that films and edits videos all by himself simply for the fun of it and not for the money. This is his career. He is a business man and the owner of this company. His goal is to not only produce content, but to make money. And boy does he make a lot of it... Here is some math i did on my own to figure out just how much (granted it is not perfect, but it should give everyone a realization that Thomas is nowhere near the independent artists and authors that they constantly compare him to...):
-The average youtuber with 1m subscribers makes $57,200 a year from ad revenue. Thomas has 3.36 million subscribers so 3.36*57,200 is $192,192.
-The last member livestream has 1.5k views and each member is giving thomas $5.29 per month. So per month thomas is making 5.29*1,500 from members, or $7,935. Per year, Thomas the recieves 7,935*12 from members, or $95220 (obviously this number could be a little smaller because I’m sure youtube takes some of that money)
-Apart from this, Thomas also sponsors nearly every video on his channel that is a decent length. (I’ll admit that the math for this part is up to a lot of interpretation because I have no idea how Thomas sponsorships are handled, but I will do my best). Alright so, youtubers charge brands anywhere from $10 to $50 per 1,000 views, to be forgiving I’ll do the math using the lowest price. On Thomas’ most recent blooper video, he had 736k views. If we divide that by 1000 thats 736. So 736*10 is 7,360. And that is just one sponsorship at the lowest price. I’m not really sure how many sponsorships thomas has done, but in the last year it seems like about 5 (the blooper, asides episode, gay disney prince, intrisive thoughts, and SvS). So that is 5 sponsorships per year, 7,350*5 or $36,800.
-So total income before considering merch sales and by assuming the lowest numbers for some areas is $36,800 + $95,220 + $192,192 = $324,212
Now with all of this in mind... Thomas makes so much money. Money that I could never even dream of coming by. And he does this with minimal uploads and scamming his members into continuing to pay him even through month long periods of no content. Thomas doesn’t even need to make videos at this point, the money that he drags out of his fans is already plenty. And then, not only does he have all of this money, but he uses it for fun trips and adventures those of which he brags about on his social media. He went to new york and saw three broadway shows, he went to vidcon and took a weeklong vaction there. He bought from what I saw, at least three playstations and games for different friend and family members. He is in no way struggling for money... and instead takes money from his adoring fans when he has no content to show for it.
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think what bugs me the most about people being lazy and not wanting to read or pushing a narrative of something you didn't say or do onto you, then saying something about the method of delivery, and then getting their hackles raised at anything that pushes back (i do this too. like many times i overreact because i didnt read something right, or i don't think that maybe i don't need to be heard, or i take on a more combative tone even if someone agrees. so i need to de-escalate for myself as well and be aware....) esp on the basis of length and some grammar and syntax issues—not necessarily the content itself—is that i like....edit for a living.
i have a dumb BA and i have my MFA. i copy-edit on the side as a side-job and i am good at it. i am a literal video editor, a script editor, a scriptwriter, and artist. so like not only did i "train" in that, i have experience, and like.... im good at it. but that's my WORK like that's LITERALLY MY CAREER so when im on the internet i'm not trying to write a fucking thesis that's so intense and edited. i do that for my career and it's effort. this is me time, leisure time, im not being judged or graded and i don't need to put my whole back into something that is largely inconsequential. i'm typing from the top of the fucking dome and that's it man like there's a diff between a thing that takes me 5m to write and something i have to edit a trillion times on top of my learning disabilities and adhd. which isnt a fucking death sentence. adhd helps me be more creative, my LDs are what lead me to art, i'm intelligent and talented even if i hate myself and it's painful. idk how many times i can say this you know. someone said to me once "you're obviously not a native eng speaker" and fucking obviously i am but that wasnt the issue it was saying i can't construct sentences or whatever when im literally just stream of consciousness and it is just so invalidating. i dont like saying it but it's literally people calling you stupid for something you're not trying to heavily regulate because you ARE ALWAYS SELF-REGULATING.
honestly i get shocked at my typos or ways i word things if i re-read them but in my brain it just comes out that way. it doesnt always make sense either idk i try and say it. but i dont want to call it ableist it's just weird. fucking weird and it feels soooooo fucking bad bc i already know lmao im sorry man sometimes commas look like periods and i think im typing in the right tense or the right word but im not idk what to tell ya. u can edit it for me if u want
yesterday i couldnt focus at all like i was watching history (surprise) and had to keep rewinding because my brain started to trail off and i would stare at this box. or ill be thinking about something else the whole time. then i get anxious and try and concentrate and i cant. it's a lot of adrenaline buddy and our brains are like rubber or whatever ok im built different ;-;
other things adhd makes fun:
- when you receive your THC and it takes you hours to use it because your brain is trailing off. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE TO WAIT FOR UR BRAIN TO STOP PROCRASTINATING TO HAVE FUN? dumbest thing ever esp since ppl w impulse issues <3 drugs cos we r sad every1 thinks we r STUPID
- when u literally just stare at the same page for like 10m. when it takes u all fucking day to watch 5 minutes of a stupid BL bc ur brain is like THIS THEN THIS THEN THIS THEN THIS AND WHAT IS THAT? THEN THIS THEN THIS THEN THIS esp for me as a FILMMAKEURRRR AN ARTISTE A PRETENTIOUS BITCH i cant turn it the fuck off
- WITHOUT INSURANCE MY MEDS ARE 400 DOLLARS SO IF YOU GIVE ME THAT MONEY, I WILL LISTEN TO YOU
this is something i've talked abotu a lot and ppl who know me know that i really struggle with this. maybe that's why i turned to art i dont know but i think there is a gap between people who are willing to read and people who just aren't and then dont bother. but i feel like you should sort of take the time to maybe understand a person may have diff communication styles. like i can understand people or try my best if they dont have a great grasp on english. we know what the fuck communication is. there's this one troll i know of who literally just types nonsense because he doesn't know what he's talking about, he's a dick, and he's not a native eng speaker. that's a time where i'm like i literally cannot with this person because i dont think he even tries lmao. i just ignore him bc he says dumb shit now so maybe if someone thinks that of me they should just move it righgt along ithink im just going to start being a dick and calling eveyrone ableist and start acting like the ~*~*~*snowflake~**~~*~* they dont like bc bitch if im sad we all sad now
i also find it IRONIC when non black ppl comment on a flow or whatever since u all love to use our words wrong bitch back off if u cant say nigga i take 0 writing advice from u
all this is to say i know it's not cos of my adhd and learning disorders since i can do my jobs efficiently. i think that......people are just upset when u critique something that has nothing to do with them as a person but they tied their identity to it so now we all have to suffer im sorry that you...idk don't care about the world? who knows, what do you want? lol
1 note
·
View note
Text
I'm literally not coming back
You let me suffer badly when I knew something was wrong and knew you were being shady as shit. I knew it. You hid the truth, I knew that wasn't your friend calling. I knew it. And I begged and begged to see the phone and for you to flash the screen, I begged. You actually had the nerve to give me that disgusted "really?" Face that implied that I'm being invasive and shitty to your privacy, you literally tried to manipulate me there. You let me suffer. You came back from calling him back and I was there shaking in anxiety. And THIS visit to you was FOR you to COMFORT me cause I had a horrible day at work. You could have come clean
You did NOT. I REPEAT, YOU DID FUCKING -NOT- lie to me to PROTECT me or my feelings or because you thought telling me the truth would give me horrible Anxiety, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING YOU WERE CAUSING ME VISIBLE ANXIETY THAT WAS WORSE THAN HAD YOU JUST TOLD ME THE TRUTH
No, you lied for selfish reasons. Cause you wanted to talk to him. You cheated. You changed your ex's name to your girl best friend's name.
I'm not coming back to you. That's not even all you did. For a month you cheated. You said you went to Grandma's but really went to go see him. I knew everything was wrong, it was obvious, and the distance and how you would disappear for hours without any response. Totally unlike you. And I SUFFERED for months. At many points I caught you and you still lied. At one point I begged crying if you're seein someone else please just tell me and let me go because this is too much torture, this is too much, I can't take it, and I was begging and crying, pleading to be let go and given the truth! I wanted the suffering to end, it was pure brutal abuse.
All the lies. And then the lies on top of that. And when I straight up caught you you still lied and cried with me.... Soon to find out you lied about that too. I avoided you and you cried at work chasing me down. You kept up the same lie until finally over weeks later you finally told me the truth and that I was correct and you indeed HAD seen him by driving down to him.
And me talking to you each time you'd call me on your way back, I'd call you out saying I don't think you're coming from Grandma's. You lied. You kept that going. That story. Then I found out more. Correlated times and messages and finally told you it makes no sense. You continued to lie. Then finally spilled some truth and changed your story that you indeed saw him. Finally after weeks you, after making me suffer with lies and anxiety, you admitted I was right when I had to beg and persuade you for it. Every time, I had to use some kind of silver tongue to get it out of you and this happened for extremely way too many incidents and stories. You lied about all of them. So bad. And I caught on.
Then you lied about that night you actually cheated. After weeks of me pestering and knowing I know more, which I did, the truth came out. And you indeed went to a party to drink with your ex, celebrated your 4 year anniversary with him even though we been together the past year, you in fact DID plan to go see him and it wasn't that you HAPPEN to go cause you thought I broke up with you. That was such a farce. Totally manipulative. But I TOLD you I knew you were planning to go to that party anyway, I fucking asked you why you got all prettied up that literal day before you vanished.
And you let him kiss you. Your excuses being that you were drunk.
No.
Unacceptable
I am not coming back to you. You're crying, begging. I don't understand why.
You made me suffer way more than you're suffering now.
Especially the months where you were distant and suddenly stopped coming over and stopped calling so so much. You even started treating me like a piece of shit. And I knew something was wrong when every off day you had you "had" to go to "grandma's"
I'm only lucky I figured everything out because I'm smart. Smarter than you.
But.
What pain it is.
The giveaway was when I asked you where you were when I was on my break from work... Outside your house. And you said you were asleep... At home. Bitch your car wasn't even there.
Fuck you.
And I saw how much you were messaging your girl best friend. The thread you deleted upon me asking. Which was really suspicious.
I hate your fucking guts
I wonder how far you took the cheating
I'm not coming back
What disgusts me too is that one day I came to see you for your lunch. I picked you up and bought you fucking food, at the same time your phone was blowing up. And I was like oh it's your gal friend, you can pick up, I'm just ordering food. And you said no, time with me is "PRECIOUS" and you wantsl to spend it with me and will talk to her later. Every time? That's bull.
And you were texting him (saved under your girl best friend's name) non-stop while I'M BUYING YOU FUCKING FOOD. PLOT TWIST THAT I ASSUMED, YOUR GAL FRIEND ISNT YOUR GAL FRIEND, ITS YOUR EX WHO YOU CHANGED THE NAME TO A GIRL'S NAME. THAT'S FUCKED UP
I knew there was something sinister going on.
Anyway I buy you food. And suddenly a lil bit into the drive you step OUT and I'm like wtf? What's wrong? Get back in?? Your car is far from here.
I drove along side you walking....confused and worried...
So suspicious
I saw you get to your car. My hunch was to follow you and see you and to see if you're talking to someone. Sure enough you were animated and talking on the phone. I fucking knew it. And when you got out and went to work I was right there and you laughed at me and said "hahaha are you confused? I just wanted to fuck with you" and acted like that was a prank. You didn't know I saw you on the phone. You really tried to manipulate me by making me believe this was a prank. Sorry dumbfuck, I am smart as fuck. I called you out on it. And you asked "so were you confused?" And I said "no" and then said "I know why" and she said "what?" And I said you just wanted to call back. And she said what? What makes you say that? I said "I know you were talking to someone on the phone" and you replied "ohhh lol, I butt dialed" and I said "you never butt dial. Ever." And I asked "who?" And you said it was your girl best friend.
Dude.
I knew you were lying.
I actually had his number already, and I tried to get to your phone to see what her number was saved under. You're lucky I never got the chance. What's the point when I already know though. You still lied about it.
You lie so much. You lied about everything.
And that day I was freaking out from anxiety cause I KNEW you weren't really where you said you were and the first time I TRULY knew you were DEFINITELY cheating on me. I had to be sent home because I became incapacitated. That's how bad my anxiety got that day. You fucking bitch.
And I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I came over. You said your mom ordered Domino's and you picked it up. I slept with you that night..and you showed me the Domino's box all happy and said "see?? Look haha!" And I said yeah. Cool... And I woke up the next morning, you outstretched your arms and I leaned in... Right above you was the Domino's box... And on the box... Was... His name... And I jumped away from you so fast. You were confused. I was leaving..you stopped me and explained it was your ex who called and said to pick up with Domino's as a farewell gift. That he called and you should have let me know, it's what you said. But you didn't. We both cried and went deep into feels. And I trusted you. EVERYTHING you said and I believed you mostly. That you just wanted to keep it to yourself without hurting me. Which isn't okay. But I listened.
And then I found out that was a lie too. I used a love coupon you gave me and on it I wrote "the truth" and gave it to you. You said okay I'll tell you the truth. We sat in the car at lunch. You said okay, you actually did meet him up..it was just to meet for closure, for him. The last time you'll see him you said.
But that all turned out to be a lie too. You did not meet at this Domino's briefly. Finally weeks later I found out you indeed drove all the way to him and spent the day with him. You lying sack of shit
Why would I take you back?
I'm not even done.
I need to write a part two
I don't give a shit if my ex sees this or not. You were so upset at the thought of anyone reading this diary of mine.
You went behind my back and WERE texting your ex everyday. Obviously that's where the distance was emanating from. You were cheating since September. I felt it. You act like you only texted him now to comfort him. That's bull
You were talking talking.
Especially with all the lies.
As if I'd believe you.
And then finally when all this came to a head and most was revealed. I broke up with you and was trying to say goodbye forever and you cried and wouldn't let me. Outside your house. You chased me. We talked and cried for so long. You said you were going to spend the night at your gal best friend's house and get drunk
This was your last chance. We were talking normal that night. I said let's just take the night to ourselves but keep messaging. You chased me down to my car because you were fighting for me. It made me feel like, true love, I opened my heart for you again. And then I left. You drove to the park thinking I was there. Freaking out. Then you drove to my house, freaking out.. cause you thought I left forever. No. I was caring and said drive safe and text me. And I said I'll text your friend too. Just stay safe. good God, why am I this sweet and caring still after everything? And you're already saying you're going to get drunk so what I knew was going to happen, happened. You vanished. You disappeared..I said I knew it. And for hours and a day you spent the night who knows where. You kept saying you were with her. For days..you kept that lie. I knew it was. I found out that finally you did indeed go to a party and your ex was there. You make up that your friends kept him at Bay.
I think it's bullshit, you made me suffer thinking you died. You blocked my number that night. I called a lot. You always tell me to do that. I left a voicemail. When I asked to see your phone to see the voicemail since you were showing and explaining... I didn't see my voicemail..I asked if she saw it. It was heartfelt and had my final goodbye in it. And I scrolled down. I saw "blocked messages" and in it was the very voicemail I had been talking about. Wow. Your bitch ass blocked me when I was worried and crying. The reason I said I'd text your friend is because I was worried about you cause you were being suicidal a bit. I thought you died. The next day at work I cried freaking out but I totally had already assumed you betrayed my last chance and trust and spent the night with your ex, fucked, cheated, everything. And that same night you said let's run away for a night to Galveston or anywhere. I couldn't... I had work... Dude...
But I know you're still lying about that.
I am pretty sure you fucked up. Cause you admitted to it but then took it back because you say you only just said that because you say "it seems that's what you want to hear." No, you have a very real fear of losing me. So I think you KNOW I'll block you forever if you truly admit you fucked him. And you know what, until you admit the truth? I just.. I don't know
And this is all lies after you PROMISED no more lies.
I need to write a part two. This is so much already
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
dont reblog pls <3
i just wanted 2 talk abt this because i have so many opinions on this situation, and i am not about to just go off on my main blog or anything like that.
at the point of me writing this, the evidence points towards carson being guilty. the evidence being the screenshots that came out. personally, i dont think carson is attracted to minors, as he was 19 at the time (still technically a teenager) and talking to a 17 year old. to me it just seems like a cringe high school relationship tbh. this is the same age gap as me and my bf (even tho we did not talk sexually at those ages). HOWEVER, it is still WRONG as the victim was still a minor. i have been seeing all over the carson subreddit (before it was closed off) that people are saying he shouldnt be cancelled over a 2 year age gap, but carson was still an adult, he knew the age of the person he was talking to, and even felt that the situation was wrong himself. so even if he isnt attracted to, like literal children, he is still guilty of speaking sexually to a minor and more than likely receiving images from said minor (this part i am not sure abt, from their conversation/the screenshots it sounds like that happened).
and even if you think “its just a 2 year age gap, its not that bad”, people also arent really mentioning the power imbalance there is here. despite this being years ago, carson definitely had more influence and fame than the victim. if the victim was a fan, then that just makes it so much easier for carson to pressure something out of them. im sure you all know the feeling of, like, even your fav content creator liking your tweet. sweet, sweet adrenaline, right? now imagine the content creator is dm’ing you, creating sexual scenarios with you, and now asking you to send photos of yourself. whether the age gap disturbs you or not, carsons influence matters a LOT in this story.
ive also seen people saying they “hope this is another pyro situation”, which is lol. what, you hope that carson was blissfully unaware of the victims age? in the pyro situation, he literally admitted to having sexual roleplays with a minor. it would have to line up so IMPOSSIBLY perfect for pyro to have not known his victims age. i dont understand why people ate up his (pyros, at this point carson has not made a statement) apology video, saying it debunked everything abt that situation. i was a fan of pyros before the allegations broke out, and when they did i didnt desperately cling to everything he said and try to make excuses for what he done, and it will not be the same for carson.
lastly, whether you like it or not.... people in the lunch club knew. this was stated by noah and travis in the keem video (which, sadly, i did watch. i do not like the guy but at the time it was all we had on this situation), that carson had told the ppl in lunch club (and i will assume josh as well, since that is the person i have based this blog upon). all of those people knew about this. since march. and did not say anything for months. i do not want to see people like ted, altrive, or josh come out and denounce carson publicly when they have been playing minecraft with him until just recently. i do realize there is also a power imbalance within these friendships, in which i believe that it seems like carson gave these people their careers, in the sense that carsons followers went and grew their channels too. there is a level of fear to think abt losing your following for coming out against your IMMENSELY popular friend doing something like this, but im being real here- if any of these people had come out about this, who would lose more? i would think carson, as, well, he was in the wrong. they could have also distanced themselves from carson, but instead decided to continue making content with someone they knew had sexual conversations with someone who was underage.
my opinions are subject to change if more info comes out, obviously. but it would have to be pretty damning information like the screenshots being completely faked for me to accept it. as it is now, i believe carson is not attracted to children (and we should not he throwing around the p word for him), but he is in the wrong for using his influence to get sexual conversations from a minor. even if they were just 2 years apart in age, the victim was still a minor and the adult in the situation should know not to engage (same as in the pyro situation). people in the lunch club who decided not to distance themselves and keep working with him are also weird for doing that. my opinions may change as more information comes out, but at the moment, it does not look good for him and this is how i feel about this whole situation.
lastly, it is ok to be upset. you had no way of knowing about this as it was going on. you can be mad and upset for losing a comfort streamer or two. do not let a “funnyman” stand between you and your morals; dont just continue watching him because you find him funny. if you believe that this situation is wrong, then distance yourself, as hard as it may be. you can always reconnect if we get more info about this situation, but as it stands, i cannot continue to support this group of people.
thanx
1 note
·
View note
Text
In continuity Behavior and Details of the Sentimonster and what we can take from it + The effect of Cataclysm
Has anyone noticed yet that the two Sentimonster we have seen up to date (Hawkmoths in "Mayura" and Baby Augusts in "Miraculer") show a very particular Behavior pattern which helps us to better understand these creatures? It actually kinda blew my mind when I noticed it, let me show you! :D
But let me warn you, this got long ^^
I'll start with Augusts Lollipop Sentimonster because it has more screen time.
Same as always with Hawkmoth, Mayura sends out one of her corrupted feather after she spots the upset Baby August. In context of this episode, one has to remeber that this Sentimonsters attack actual purpose was to set Chloe up for getting akumatized, so going for the Baby here (even though its morally wrong as hell) was not a bad move at all.
(Behold the Lollipop-monster, that my medicine influenced 2 am gif making self lovingly called “Lollipopulus Giganticus”, the diabetis brother of Mothitus Giganticus but we will get to that later)
The design. is. on point! The “akumatized” (do we really not have a name for this yet??) person is a baby who hasnt developed any complex thoughts and hasnt quite adopted the weird human need to completely humanoid monsters yet. The Baby is simple minded = The Sentimonster has a simplistic design without actual features or anything. August just has a HUGE desire for Lollipops so thats what the monster is. Some big ass Lollipops. Love it. 10/10, would lick again
Also take note how the Sentimonster stands here. It appears right in front of the Baby and even though it has no features like a face or anything we can still adumbrate from the camera-angle and the placement of the head and the lower arms that it faces away from August. Like a protector ready to defend. Remember that the Peacocks power is to summon a protector for someone and the following moments will give us more insight on how these protectors behave in a special occation.
Right after the Lollipop monster appears as his protector we see this. August is so delighted to see gigantic Lollipops that his pacifier (is this how you call it in english? I only get weird words as results when I look it up) falls out of his mouth and thats the catalyst moment for the monsters behavior!
Cuz the feather is in the pacifier and in my theory the feather-akumatized object is how the feather-akumatized Person can control their protector. Which of course they should be able to. The Akuma victims are also free to use their powers to their own will and imo it would make very little sense to give someone a protector but only the (maybe very busy) miraculous holder has control over it. So I think as long as the feather-akumatized person is in possesion of the feather-object they alongside Mayura are the masters (with Mayura, as the miraculous holder, still having the upper hand like Hawkmoth being able to “dicipline” his free will Champions through pain (Which btw makes actually alot of sense even if or ESPECIALLY if the Miraculos are meant to be used for good. You dont wanna have a champion running around refusing orders/ or using their powers for a bad purpose without a way to keep them in check just in case. I think Mayura will have something like this too. That whoever right now posesses the feather-object can be “diciplint” by her for misusing the protector. But I digress)
But the thing is, August looses his pacifier the moment the monster appears, so the only one in control over it is Mayura at the moment but she...doesnt, the whole time. She just lets the monster do whatever on autopilot (Which makes sense concidering that the Sentimonster is only there for the sake of assembling the heros again and upsetting Chloe. Why commanding and controlling the monster when its not needed for the plan? Natalie saves her energie whICH IS PROBABLY A GOOD IDEA SINCE USING THE PEACOCK IS KILLING HER)
What? What I mean with on autopilot? Oh let me show you, its awesome!
Cuz the moment that August, the person the Lollipop PROTECTOR is supposed to PROTECT, looses his control over his Sentimonster it knows that its little human master has no way to command it in the needed ways to protect himself from danger anymore. And since the Peacock isnt giving it other commands the Monster follows its instinct
And what is this instinct?
This!
Right the moment its human master looses the control object, it turns around to check how and why this happened. Here it happened by sheer accident. August doesnt understand that its important that he keeps his pacifier but under normal circumstances the human master loosing the feather object would mean that they were attacked, hurt or otherwise in danger
And thats exactly what the Sentimonster is thinking, when it sees August being taken away by his mother. Because in the next shot with it
We see. it chasing. after. THE BABY! Oh my god kudos to you SentiSweety, you go protect your “kidnapped” little master!
This is such an awesome trait these Sentimonsters seem to have that the moment they fear their humans are in fundamental danger without being able to protect themselves with their help, their priority number 1 is chasing after them to save them. It makes so much sense that they would have this instinct but somehow it still blew my mind when i noticed it! :D
Okay next and last important Lollipopulus moment (I think i’ll keep that name. My loyal Diabetes son deserves a name and fight me on this however you want, but he looks like a “Lollipopulus” kind of guy to me. Look at that jaw-line, it demands an “ulus” ending”)
The Sentimonster isnt just attacking LB and CN for the heck of it. We know that it thinks its master got kidnapped and is in danger, so when it sees our heros here getting ready to fight IT, of course it would think that they are “bad” too. Probably for an Sentimonster whoever is against it and the master-to-protect will be seen as “allied evil” by it, especially in autopilot modus.
Also. When you fear your protégé is in mortal danger so you wanna save them at all cost and then someone attacks YOU, you fight back. HARD. Because when the attackers hinder or even defeat you, noone is there to save and protect your protégé. And for an Sentimonster, save and protecting their masters is their entire purose of existing. So yes, Lollipopulus here wont hesitate a second to fight LB and CN just so it can get to August.
Though I might add, that I still think Sentimonsters are resonable creatures when used by or for a good person. They only want the best for their masters. So lets say Mayura would have featherrupted Augusts mother instead but she still had lost the control-object. So while running away with August (and the Sentimonster running after her in autopilot) she had met one of her 3 men and they ended up cowerig somewhere trying to protect each other and the baby. When the monster had arrived and had seen that the unkown man is protecting her and that SHE is protecting HIM too, the Sentimonster wouldnt have done anything to the man. Obviously the man is no danger to its master and the master trusts the man.
When the master has the control-object this is even easier because then you can simply tell the monster that your friends, familie or whatever arent enemies. Then they will be under the Sentimonsters protection too. Of course this works the other way around too and is probably how the Sentimonsters will be used for evil. Give them an akuma victim as master and they can be one hell of a threat trying to protect them.
So coming back to the situation in the gif. I think if LB and CN had calmly talked to the Sentimonster, asking if its looking for its protégé and if they can help, the Lollipop monster would not have attacked at all. Like I said, the Monsters just want the best for their masters and to protect them. The way I see it, when a Sentimonster is on autopilot it decides for itself who's friend and who's foe. This could lead to interesting development in future because right now team miraculous still sees most everything very black-and-white, as seen above, they inmediadly went to attack when it probably wasn't needed at all. The fact that Chat Noirs family are literally the bad guys is gonna help alot to open up the grey area between black and white but smaller things like this, trying to understand and becoming allies with Sentimonster could also add another layer to their growth as well
Though Mayura was still in the picture here so she totally would have commanded the monster to attack the heros. Still you get my point.
Okay let's go over to Hawkmoths Sentimonster before I'll continue endlessly
With this one I'll kinda skip the beginning, I'll just go quickly over the most important factors and then focus more on the new and interesting stuff.
With Hawkmoth we saw that Mayura does the same as he does. She sends out something corrupted, it finds an object, she telepathically communicates with the person and we get MOTHITUS GIGANTICUS
Before I start let me quickly point out that just like Augusts Sentimonster the butterfly appears right before Hawkmoth, facing his foes and ready to defend its master. The behavior pattern is there and will mostly likely be continued is most of the Sentimonster cases.
Alright lets talk about the design!
When you concider that Mothitus’ purpose was to be the “teaser” Sentimonster and to gently be our introduction for Mayuras powers and for the bigger and grander Sentimonsters to come then this is one great design. Its obviously something we havent seen yet but it isnt completely out there either so that we dont understand at all what going on anymore literally 20 seconds before the end of the fight. That would have been a bad style choice for a (maybe) never returning Monster, so they definitly did the right thing with this butterfly.
The design in general is really gorgeous in my opinien. Look at the little details! The wings, the tail, the head! I also like that designers were able to create a model that can be both a butterfly and a moth at the same time. Yes they are simular, but they still look different enough that they totally could have created a model which just would have looked like either a butterfly OR a moth. They made it work with both and thats awesome!
Even if I know that Mothitus doesnt exactly count as a legit Sentimonster (since its practically more used as an lore and future teaser than an actual enemy) I still find the parallels between Hawkmoth and his butterfly monster and August and his Lollipop monster very interesting. Like I said above, August Lollipop monster was gigantic but simplistic in design since August is just a simple minded baby with a huge desire for Lollipops. Key words gigantic but simple. Hawkmoths Sentimonster on the other hand is alot smaller but much richer in detail because of his adult (and designer) mind. Beside that Gabriel also focused alot more on the monsters function than August (what a surprise I know). The butterflys wind are so strong that they can blow away all the heros and untangle Ladybugs yoyo net. Also with its wings and smaller body it would be able to quickly hunt the heros no problem. The Lollipop monster on the other hand was only good for crashing its Lolli arms into buildings, beside that it had no other useful qualities. Also It was too large to effectivly chase after the “kidnapped” August, not exactly well thought out August up your Monster game please.
In shorter Hawkmoth created a useful protector and August...well, his lollipop fever dream. Babies will be babies
Okay lets start with what is new though (or better said, what different this time).
For one the fact that August lost his control object but Hawkmoth never had it on him in the first place. This actually doesnt make a lot of difference in the Sentimonsters behavior, just that lollipopulus checked on his master what hapened that August lost his object and if he is in danger and Mothitus already knew that his Master was in grave danger and didnt had to check to know.
Then “Mayura” gave us the comfirmation straight away that Natalie can snap the Sentimonsters away like that
Also this shows us that Mayura is willing to strategically stop the Sentimonsters when she sees no use in them anymore. That is very different from Hawkmoth! She seems to really be here only to get results, not to make a show or take some kind of sadistic pleasure out of this or whatever. This move alone makes her seem like a scarily competent and level headed supervillain and honestly, its still one of my favorite things Mayura has done til now. Just this little snap speaks VOLUMES about her! :D
And then the BIGGEST difference is that after accepting the featherruption August was happy and healthy whereas Hawkmoth became weak and hurt.
Before “Miraculer” came out this is what I thought was what would normally happen to the featherrupted people. That because of the peacocks brokeness the people who Mayura powers up get hurt along side her (cuz before his featherruption Gabriel was completely fine) but, no, August is perfectly fine. This means there are two options here
That something happenes in “Reflektdoll” which makes Mayuras powers useable again so that the akuma victims wont get weakened from her giving them back-up (which is possible in my opinien, I could see this happening)
That something was different about this featherruption that normally wouldnt be the case. And I might have an idea even if I dont know if its really something the show would do. Would be totally awesome though if this were legit!
Okay, the one detail that DEFINITELY is different here from at least 90% of all the future featherruptions is that Hawkmoths control-object was CATACLYSMED!
To understand why I think the control-object being cataclysmed beforehand would have such an effect I need to clearify that even though I’m saying that Hawkmoth and Mayura “corrupt” their butterflies/akumas, feathers and the victims, its frankly nowhere true at all. I just like saying it like that. What they do is basically just filling the butterflies/feathers with power and let them find a fitting person so they can 1. build the connection between them and the chosen and 2. then manipulate the chosen people so they join them. There is no corruption going on here. Neither do they break or control either the butterflies/feathers nor the people themselves. They power up, thats what they do.
The cats power of destruction on the other hand is a whole different story here.
I’m planning on doing a whole post just about this at some point in future with alot more details, thoughts and ideas but I’ll try to do my best to explained it here without putting you guys through another 5000+ words of wildly digressing. (Me now 4 hours later: Yeah no I did it again, It got long xD)
Basically my point is that the Ladybug is capable of purifying the akumas and the feathers. “Purifying” IS the right word to use here because something doesnt have to be explicitly “corrupted” to be purifyied. As I said, Hawkmoth and Mayura power up, that means even if they dont corrupt them they still change the nature of the feather/butterfly and that is what the Ladybug reverses. So Ladybugs purifying (and the Miraculous Ladybug for that matter) is basically her taking back the changes other people did to something. Thats whats happening every episode and thats why shes the one again dealing with the feathers. She reverses what has been changed, no other power does that.
Back to Chat Noir
The show has explicitly told us that the Cat and the Ladybug are the most powerful miraculous in existence and that fact still stands even if Chat noir right now can not and doesnt WANT to use his powers or explore them to their limits in the current situation (speak, that they try to spread hope and safty in terror attacks which wreck the city almost on a daily basis. Not exactly the right time or space to use and try out new ways of using the boundless power of destruction). I dont think I have to explain that this is not how the situation will be forever, of course Adrien will actually use his powers to their limits later, the show forshadowed that to hell and back by now and “Chat Blanc” will VISUALLY introduce us to what CN actal powers look like (I'M SO EXCITED!!!) the same way they did it with queen bee/wasp (im not the only one who made the connection that they use the power up of the akumatization to show us or at least forshadow the Miraculouses future actual powers right? RIGHT???
Anyway, I DIGRESS
The Cat and the Ladybug are equals and since they are also Yin and Yang for each other it also means that not only do they as individuals and the nature of their miraculouses complete each other, their powers too complete the circle.
So when Ladybug can purify (again, meaning that she reverses every damage and everything that other people do to something) the Cat should be able to corrupt everything.
To keep this paragraph shorter (I will go into so much more detail in the post for this topic oh my god) lets just explain this with the example from the Heros day. The Cats destruction and “corruption” is showing itself here with something Chat Noir is doing all the time: He isnt completely pullverizing the akuma-object to dust, hes rather damaging and weakening it to the point were it cant be used for its original purpose anymore and is easily breakable/aleady falling apart. (This seems to be the default affect of Cataclysm) In this case it is Hawkmoths weapon, which is his cane/sword.
In my theory when Chat Noir uses Cataclysm on something he not only does the above, he also inflicts the still existing object with some kind of...lets call it a virus. Now you may ask yourself “Why? Why should destroying something so hard that it looses basically every usage it had + infecting it with an destructive virus but NOT actually destroying it out of existence be the default state of cataclysmed objects? Shouldnt the power of pure destruction rather basically wipe everything touched out of existence?”
And that is were we were wrong! And I am saying “we” because its almost 4am here and I just fucking noticed this and went back on my laptop oh my GOD I’m excited again! :D
The default of Cataclysm isnt “destroying it out of existence” because that is not what “Destruction” is. That is “Annihilation”! Destruction and annihilation are two very different concepts that shouldnt be mixed up but everybody is doing it because of how we use the word “destruction/destroy” in our daily vocabulary. That is why probably almost everybody of us at least once asked themselves why Chats cataclysm is portrayed so “oddly” in the show. “He’s not really destroying it, hes just fucking it up!” And thats exactly what hes doing because thats exactly what his power is! He’s destroying it so fucking hard that the cataclysmed object loosed every usage it could have. He’s not messing like Roi Singe either, the object is completely fucking worthless now! 100%. But what hes NOT doing is taking it out of existence because THAT is Annihiliation. Not the concept of his power. The only time you will see annihilation instead of destruction is when it concernes BODYS (Like Chats cataclysm death in “Catalyst” because by god they really can not show messed up human bodies slowly dying on the show. Only exception)
Now working with the actual “destruction” concept and not with the wrongly used “annihilation” one, the destructive “virus” in the destroyed object seems alot more plausible. Because when Chat Noir uses the power of pure destruction on something, really every usage it could possibly have needs to be effected by it and THAT also includes the possibility of it being used as an out of reach object for Akumatizations or featherruptions for example. Without the “Virus” Hawkmoths cane still would have had a consequence free use there but WITH the virus spreading through it the featherruption got corrupted by Chats destruction and hurt and weakened Hawkmoth so much that a limping Gabriel collapsed around somewhere still nearby and had to detransform out of exhaustion. And frankly, Mayura only powered up the cane for a really short amount of time. Imagine how Gabriel would have ended up if this had gone longer. He probably wouldnt have been able to recover so quickly afterwards
Alright guys this is really everything I have for this, let me know what you think ^^ And @letsescapismlife I hope i could partly show you why I love Miraculous so much. Dont get me wrong, I still have some other posts in work for your request but just the theorizing the whole night through and getting excited at 4am because you just noticed something, is one of the biggest joys I get out of this show ^^
#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#ml theory#natalie sancoeur#gabriel agreste#adrien agreste#mayura#hawkmoth#le papillon#chat noir#cat noir#ml spoilers#miraculer#ml heros day#Chat Noirs powers of destruction#behavior of the Sentimonsters#Sentimonster#ml baby August#Mayuras peacock powers
92 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
gina-fandom
Dauntless lover
iliketangerines
let me be self-indulgent
mythdr
mythic
fridgevibes
life is now
