#extra info in my brain if anyone cares:
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Clark and Kon react to Autistic Reader.
[Teen Titans (2003-2011) #10]
So, you can 100% blame me staying awake at 02:40 because I can't stop cackling like a crow being waterboarded on @gatorbites-imagines and his/it's/xyrs kyrtontian's purring at a frequency that humans can't hear headcanon. I'm autistic, and I hear shit on the other side of the building, sometimes on a different floor.
Cw: Swearing, idk else, unhinged/ blunt replies ( R giving).
__Clark Kent__
Clark having his super hearing, I feeling like he hears distracting noises constantly but feels like he can't say anything about them.
So when he hears a frustrated voice say,' Can we please fix that god damn janitor's closet door on the floor under us!? It squeaks all day'.
Clark is shooketh, I don't put it past him thinking you are possibly kryptonian. Like he did with Shazam. Probably try to phish out info to see, but bad at being subtle.
'Why do you keep bringing up Superman??', 'Oh.. Well I mean, he is this City's hero'. You probably read his inquiring wrong, and believe he thinks your SuperMan.
'The reason has to why my hearing is above average, is because my autism makes me more sensitive to sounds. I promise you, I'm not Superman. I could not live comfortably with such a jarring unpredictable schedule.' , you word vomited, pitching the bridge of your nose.
'Oh.. uh I'm sorry if I made you upset', the more exhausted tone reminded him of Bruce a lot, when he bugged him too much. 'Its fine, just so many people make jokes about it. It can get old fast.'
Basically the mf would be balanced between panic and false hope of finding a relative he could keep on earth.
__Kon-el Kent__
I feel like he's got so use to no one being able to hear his purring, he doesn't care to suppress them. At times when he's to lazy to do this hair himself, he gets one of his friends to do it. Not worried.
He just enjoys the comforting feeling and begins to pur away. For the sake of it, let's say Tim was the victim of doing Kon's hair.
Tim would be the first to notice you walking around the common room, looking like you are going insane looking for something. Kon not really caring has he doesn't see it has important.
'Did you lose something?', Tim questioned, pausing shortly from combing Kon's hair. 'There is a sound and I don't know where it's coming from', you kept walking around the room listening.
Tim would try to reassure that you'll get use to the sounds of building, the more you stay. At some point, you walk over to where they were on the couch, and figured out it's coming from kon. 'The sound, it's coming from you!?'.
Kon would be so confused and Tim would be too, for different reasons. Tim doesn't hear it, Kon is not sure if you're referring to him purring or not.
'Huh?', 'You, it's coming from you. It sounds like a rumble or some shit'. Well fuck, he can't really play that off. 'You're not suppose to be able to hear it..', his tone resembling that of Oz media reading a cursed post.
'Hear what, exactly?', Tim feeling more like a third wheel in the conversation and wanting to be in loop. 'Kryptonian's have an organ that can make a sound, the best way I can describe it in human experience is a cat pur. But, we can only hear it.', Kon tries to summarize.
Tim would be the one that's extra, and suggest a DNA analysis. 'Tim I assure you, my mom used the excuse of popping me out of her, far too much for me of too be found in a capsule.', you then explained the autistic symptoms you have. Sensitivity to sounds being one of them.
This dose not stop Kon from jokingly referring to you has his sibling from now on. Which would confuse everyone that wasn't there to hear this interaction. Kon being Kon, he wouldn't explain it anyone, because he feels like that would ruin the joke.
_____________________________
Ha ha ha, it's 04:30 and I get up at 05:00. This is gonna fun.. but at least my dad feeds my caffeine addiction by giving me offerings of energy drinks, in hopes to encourage my autistic brain to be okay with doing the dishes, and other medial tasks.
#Crow!Writes#conner kent#clark kent#x male reader#x gender neutral reader#this is my first attempt at bullet point fanfic style.#autistic reader
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This is going to out me as the anon but I got too many ideas and wanted to show really bad how the au designs are in my brain because a lot of @scrap-brainzone 's stuff inspired with it and aus so this is a babble about it and some extra info on my aus!
(also at the end I made a doodle of gaige x ty x moze specifically in thanks and also to show appreciation as a gift)
ALSO SUPER SORRY THIS IS GOING TO BE A GIANT POST.
Going simple first, I wanted to show the differences, although I haven't touched Angelic Guardian in awhile and Hyperion brand new with posting I wanted to show anyways- I'll add tidbit about each under this, so sorry for anyone trying to decipher my chicken scratch
Underneath Ms Ceos heavy ass eyeliner and makeup is the eridium effects as displayed here, she's went under several different surgeries repeatedly trying to hide any of the effects and uses cameras and altering her look digitally to her advantage. Her big problem is she Can't let people know because she fears if people knew, they're going to try and kidnap her again. (Mildly irrational considering all her security but it's a fair worry.) She hasn't touched eridium since the end of BL2, so she's most clean, but with how much she had the damage has been done.
Ah, Fallen Heir au. Angel's given up caring about who sees, only hiding before to stay away from the Crimson Raiders and cultists, but after both sides know? It's so what to her. She's technically the most fit and least afraid to use her abilities because she doesn't care as much about hurting others around her. If I were to describe her attitude/self in one sentence of dialog it'd basically be, "They refuse to see me as anything but a monster, so that's what I'll be."
Alas, my dear Angelic Guardian. As you can see, she's very much not holding up well. Her suit uses eridium to help keep her going but still at what cost? She's technically extremely fit, but the repercussions are severe if she pushes too far. Her level of eridium poisoning is beyond dangerous, having been in stasis for 5 years while still receiving eridium to keep her alive. I'll end it here by saying this has severe consequences that unfortunately, she was doomed to face regardless.
Ai Ange? Well. Not very much of anything but mild traits. I, in turn, made one for Gaige with that au.
Angel isn't very the most comfortable with Gaige using eridium, mainly due to the fact its less "as needed" but she likes to test limits and see what she can really do.
moving on I made some goofies and such from my Fallen au, wanting to show interactions (Mildly for also scrap because I know tyreen and tygaige a favorite)
Tygaige alas, would heavy struggle unless we get villain redemption pt 2 like Angel, but she won't be very pleased about it at first before accepting. I'm a sucker for Gaigel, so it'll lean that way, but to entertain the idea would be interesting. I might do that sometime.
if you're curious though with Angel there, it is a shitpost and I have drawn it with the idea Tyreen was monologing, but Angel just turned off her shield and straight up shot a bitch. (Tyreen easily healed with eridium but it was the audacity that was most surprising) the fallen au is pretty funny because besides that, she's also: Made Troy punch himself, then also has made his arm punch Tyreen. Will hack their shows if she's upset enough and fucks with their things. General fun, yknow. An issue Ange faces in the end is because she's so "eridium enriched" it's like double tasty snack to the twins, so that's always fun. (In fairness to Troy and with another drawing, Angel in this au has also made Gaige punch herself a few times when she got upset. She's very petty and I support it)
AND LASTLY
This is a mild gift to scrap-brainzone! I'm really sorry thr quality and coloring isn't the best on this (or most of the images), I was mildly rushing from time and far too excited to finish this and post it to show.
FUCK I REALIZED I DIDNT ADD THE BLUSHES. GOD. I'll do it tomorrow and edit or reblog this one, god I knew I was forgetting something-
The trio may not be my personal cup of tea, but it is very cute and I couldn't stop laughing/thinking about a post similar about the White Girl Swag so I wanted to be silly and make one
I'm too loyal to Gaigel, but who doesn't like to look and toy with other ideas? I never considered it much until seeing their art and it good shit, how could i not? Anyways, rambling, hope this isn't too bad or shoddy of a gift, I'll hopefully make something better soon, I was just too excited to post and show
anyone else who.made it this far you should totally totally go to scrap-brainzone 's blog it's great good shit 100/10 👍
#gaigel#angel borderlands#angel the siren#gaige borderlands#gaige the mechromancer#im a clown to make mtself anon and then do this the night of#but we stay silly.#i have something to do tomofdow i really ought to sleep now#sorry again for thr chicken scratch writing#it is a problem 😕
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Just me spitballing a Malec reverse au re-write kinda thing
Reverse AU, featuring my chaotic brain process whenever I try to figure stuff out.
Okay, Malec, because of course Malec.
And reversed roles, but also not just reversed roles, because they aren't carbon copies of each other, so I need to make things different, while not making them too different.
Also, if I want Malec as the two main characters, I might have to "extend" their significance? But then again, wouldn't that just make them Mary Sue-ish? And do I care about that?
Okay, so warlock Alec and shadowhunter Magnus. But not simply swapping places, because they are not simply the same person.
So how about we try, Magnus is not HOTI or acting HOTI. Alec might be high warlock, though.
Magnus is the son of the circle founder, but that's his mother. (Since canon didn't give any info on her I can use her as I want).
I still want Asmodeus to be Magnus' father, but I also want Magnus to not have magic, which he would if Asmodeus was a demon.
So how about at the time of Magnus being conceived, Asmodeus was still an arch angel, and sleeping with the shadowhunter was actually the thing that made him fall.
(though at first, no one knows about all that)
(or, well, no one knows about the Asmodeus thing, but that Magnus is the son of the traitor shadowhunter who made the circle is widely known.)
Magnus is openly bisexual, likes to rub his "life-style" into his superior's faces, and is known to favor downworlders (though is often mistrusted by them, because of who his mother is)
Alec is the son of a high ranking demon, don't know which one, though. (could actually even go all the way up to Satan, but that might be too op?)
Or go the other way around. His demonic parent wasn't all that powerful, but Alec has spent most of his immortal life training his magical ability to be more powerful, and so has achieved his own status. Kinda.
Gotta think about this.
So, yeah, unsure about Alec's specific origins.
Makeshift family with Izzy, Jace, Max, no blood relation whatsoever, though.
Max could be the newest member of the family. Jace a vampire, because my brain thinks it's funny if he can't see his reflection. Izzy a fellow warlock, who specializes in another field than Alec, who is more battle oriented with his magic, while Izzy is more interested in the variety of magic.
Clary could be a seelie, Jace could at one point drink Magnus' (extra angel) blood and become a day walker
Then Simon could be the new shadowhunter on the block, though it is questionable if there needs to be that whole complicated backstory with blocked sight and stolen memories… maybe a psychological reaction from onset trauma as a child, that then stabilized over the years, so that he was able to rejoin the shadow world…. Gotta think of this one,too
Magnus and Raphael would be best friends and shadowhunting partners, but not parabatai. (partly because I'm not a big fan of the parabatai bond in general, and partly because I get the vibe that Raphael and Magnus are the kinda people who strife to become good partners without runic assistence.)
The NY institute could actually be the place where the Clave sends its troublemakers, aka anyone who doesn't conform to their ways. (anyone not straight, etc)
Which could lead to the institute being pretty understaffed, (because why have lots of shadowhunters in an institute if you only ever make use of the same 4 people to take care of everything?)
Ragnor would make a good HOTI. I like the thought of Ragnor as HOTI. He would be in a perpetual state of being exasperated and fond of the shadowhunters under his command. (Magnus most of all)
I don't know where to put Luke.
So, meeting between Malec. ...
Maybe something more indirect that leads up to it?
Okay, so the family unit that is Alec, Izzy and Max (and Jace), move to New York.
(maybe the rumor mill goes something like shadowhunters in NY being more easy going with the downworld, or something. Or just that there are less shadowhunters in NY than in other places).
And since Max has had a particularly bad experience and is still so young, they decide that he would benefit from the new environment. And maybe Andrew is the high warlock in new york, but he wants a vacation, so he is all too happy to shove that responsibility into Alec's capable hands.
And then Magnus and his team need to close a rift, so they contact the high warlock, but Alec is with the vamp clan, to help Jace move in or something. So then Izzy goes in his stead.
But unbeknownst to anyone, Max follows them. Because he doesn't trust the shadowhunters not to hurt his "sister".
Closing the rift drains Izzy, and as she collapses, Raphael catches her. Max, who has been spying from a hidden place, can't help but see his sister in danger, and his magic reacts.
But he doesn't have great control, and his emotional turmoil makes like a fire spiral form around him. Izzy's magic is too depleted to try and control the fire, Max is panicking which makes the flames grow ever higher and higher.
So Magnus chucks his jacket and jumps through the fire spiral. There are some tense seconds, before the gathered people can hear the sounds of singing (?) (like a lullabye or something).
And then the firey spiral slows down and shrinks, until they can see (a slightly singed) Magnus rocking young Max and singing to him to calm him down.
Magnus and Raphael (plus Maia and Dot?) keep this little tidbit out of the report, no need to tell the higher ups that there is a warlock child who can't yet properly control his magic.
Alec learns of it all later from both Izzy and Max, and seeks out Magnus to thank him/get a read on him.
(I do like the image of Magnus jumping through fire to calm down a hysterical child, not gonna lie. And then Raphael hitting him over the head for not activating his fire resistence rune first.)
Also, whenever there is a clave envoy sent to visit the institute, Magnus makes sure to put on extra makeup and sparkly jewelry. And wear a t-shirt with a bisexual pun.
His fashion sense normally abhorrs those shirts, but if those stuck up homophobes make an appearance, he needs them to know that he "Likes his women like he likes his men"
And I have actually no real idea for actual plot..... so this is pretty much worthless. *insert rofl emoji here*
#magnus bane#alec lightwood#malec#shadowhunters tv#shadowhunter!Magnus#warlock!Alec#shadowhunter!Simon#warlock!Izzy#seelie!Clary#shadowhunter!Raphael#Shadowhunter!Ragnor#shadowhunter!Catarina#shadowhunter!Dot#warlock!Max#shadowhunter!Madzie#shadowhunter!Maia#malec reverse au#I still don't know what Luke would be because he was kinda both
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Embodying Feelings & Disassociation
Trigger warning: There will be brief mention of self harm and sexual abuse in this post.
I started therapy for the first time at the end of 8th grade. I was 13. I got pretty lucky and was a good match with my first therapist. Still, it took me a while to start to really open up to him about the hard stuff. I want to say that it was probably at least six months before I told him about my sexual abuse. I don't know when I told him about my experiences with disassociation, but I remember it being extremely hard to tell him, similar to the SA info.
At the time, I had heard of PTSD, but I knew of it as something soldiers get from witnessing war. I knew it could make veterans react to fireworks as if they were bombs, but that was about all I knew about it, from what I recall. I had no idea what else could 'cause' it - if anything, or what the symptoms really were. I had never heard of disassociation.
So, when I'd get really triggered and felt like I was watching myself from up in the clouds...I thought this was something similar to a delusion or hallucination. I worried it might be something like schizophrenia that I was experiencing. As a result, it was a super scary thing to share. But I did, and he explained what disassociation was. When I was later referred out for diagnosis and meds, I was diagnosed with PTSD with features of depersonalization and derealization. I think I was 14 then.
So, I've been familiar with disassociation for a long time now. I don't know exactly when, but somewhere along the way I learned that it wasn't just when I felt like I was watching myself (which has always been a fairly rare occurrence for me), but also when I felt numb and disconnected from myself, which I experience more often.
I started self-harming really young, and cutting in middle school and throughout most of high school. I don't remember when I realized that cutting was something that could take me out of disassociation. I think it was before I really knew what disassociation was, I just knew it helped me to sort of come out of the "frozen depression" type feeling. After a few years of therapy as a teen I was able to stop cutting. My mental health was in a better place, I had gained some coping skills, I hated myself less, etc. But I'd still disassociate at times, and I didn't know how to get rid of it other than to wait it out. So that's what I've done for years now when I've experienced it. And that's been okay, but I'd rather be able to "snap out of it" if I could.
So, a recent experience that I had feels like a big deal.
For 2 or 3 weeks I was stuck in disassociation. My mind kept circling back to stuff related to identifying as being emotionally neglected. So I knew that was the cause somehow. Yet, I wasn't really feeling much. I was kind of numb emotionally and physically, while my mind felt extra hyperactive. I was making a lot of realizations in my head, but they didn't feel true, at the same time.
I think most people have experiences like this. Examples might be...logically I know if I make a mistake, that is just me being human and is not a good reason for anyone to hate me. Yet when I make a mistake that impacts someone I care about, I still can't help but FEEL like they might hate me now, even though logically I know that isn't likely. Or, logically I know that the odds that a sound I just heard outside at midnight were likely a racoon or something...but I can't help but feel worried that it's a "bad guy". I have plenty of discrepancies between my logical and emotional brains that I've just kinda learned to live with for the most part. But over this few week period, I was changing my perspective of my childhood logically, but not emotionally, and that disconnect was new for me in this specific area. I felt sort of stuck, unable to continue processing these pieces of my childhood because my brain and my emotions/feelings were so far apart.
Both of my therapists do some somatic work, but our couples counselor (who we basically see for 'regular' therapy that we just do together vs stereotypical couples counseling) does a lot more with us that is somatic. Nearly every session we have with our couples therapist he'll try to help us embody our feelings about something. I find it awkward, emotionally draining and sometimes embarassing - but it also feels quite powerful.
He's also really into AEDP therapy, which is a type of therapy that talks about disassociation/numbing, etc as a defense from feeling a core feeling.
For those reasons, I thought that speaking with our couples therapist about this might be a better fit than my 'main' therapist who I see weekly and therefore just have a deeper relationship with.
During the appointment I explained my dissociation, sense of being kinda stuck or frozen, and how I knew it was related to processing being emotionally neglected, but how when I talk about it I wasn't feeling any feelings. It was all 'in my head' and not 'in my heart'. There was this big disconnect.
He agreed with my assessment that I had unresolved/unfelt feelings. I don't remember exactly how we got there, but he asked me some questions that led to me sharing a specific phrase that I remember being said to me as a kid. "What the hell were you thinking?" It was phrased as a question rather than a statement, but I wasn't expected to actually answer the question. At times, I thought I had good reason for doing whatever I did, and I would have liked to explain, as it felt like they were assuming the worst possible intentions, which weren't my actual attentions at all. But I felt like I couldn't respond as it would just upset them more. Even though it was a question, responding would be taken as 'talking back'.
He took the implied answer, and asked me what my first thought would be today if someone told me "you're stupid."
Honestly? My knee-jerk response is "....yeah."
Having to admit that out loud brought the emotions. Tightness in my chest, burning behind both ears, anxiety, a little anger, and some sadness. A few tears. The therapist told me to try to relax my body and let it out. I tried, but only managed a couple more tears.
He had me turn to my partner and try to express to him what it felt like as a kid to have things like that said to me. This brought emotion up again. It's so hard to even look at him when I'm on the edge of spilling over with my emotions. He is such a safe person to me, that just seeing him tears down all my defenses. Although the whole point of this appointment was to try to drag out emotion...the parts of me that try to avoid it are so strong. I struggled to look at him, and it took me a while to find words to try to explain. But I did...and I collapsed into his chest and really cried.
It didn't feel good, of course. But I felt so much lighter after this, and I had this sense of unthawing and waking up. I had never experienced disassociation being removed that quickly in any way besides self harm before. It was really cool.
Longterm, I want to learn how to push myself through 'exercises' like this so that I can try to do this on my own. But it was really cool to see that even if I currently need assistance from a therapist to get myself to 'go there' right now, that I seem to have found a tool to move through disassociation now.
I am back to feeling like myself which is awesome, but I also have made big jumps in how I'm perceiving my childhood now. The idea that I was neglected doesn't just seem like something I logically believe, I FEEL like it's true now. And I've jumped a step farther ahead, realizing I was actually emotionally abused as well - and that feels true, too.
As I said in a previous post, I kinda knew that I tend to make big growth after coming out of disassociation, so I was hopeful I'd be seeing growth soon...but it's really cool that I have.
#my posts#trauma#aedp#aedp therapy#somatic therapy#somatic experiencing#ptsd#cptsd#developmental trauma#childhood emotional neglect#childhood emotional abuse#anxiety#depression#disassociation#self harm cw#cutting cw
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Okay I know this is old news or whatever but I am so mad about how much hate the artist/author of Boyfriends on WEBTOON gets.
From when I was more into the comic, the main reason ppl had to be upset at the person were:
A) They drew BTS nsfw art in their teens
B) They fetishized trans men
C) The characters are all Asian and do not look Asian
D) They had the nerd say he was a proshipper
These reasons are honestly so bad to me. Idk if anyone else has extra info or maybe something else he did was bad, but I’m going to explain why I think these are such bad reasons.
1. BTS nsfw art
I’m just going to come out and say it’s bad to write or draw fanart/fanfics of any real person if they haven’t given consent to. It’s different from characters because these are Real People with real emotions and such. And yeah, that wasn’t good. But a couple things. They stopped drawing it around 17-19. For some people that’s way too old to be drawing that, and many think that it’s an attempt at an excuse.
I don’t think that’s the case. I can’t tell you how many posts I’ve seen online of people having bombastic crushes on singers and actors and doing the most heinous shit because they were teenagers. Teenagers just Do That. Yes it’s creepy, but many people go through a phase of having to learn how to seperate fiction from reality and it’s in your teen years. It’s not odd, and I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility to consider that a 17-18-19 year old would learn that and send out an apology. I mean our brains apparently don’t even develop till 25. There was also one point that many believed that the artist actually liked someone else’s nsfw BTS art recently, but I saw the post they liked and in my opinion…I had no idea who tf they were drawing. I’m not into BTS but I’ve seen pictures and if I was just scrolling one day and saw it I’d like the post. I don’t remember any BTS specific tags or a BTS related caption. Maybe the entire account was about that and so they didn’t feel the need for tags but I have no idea.
2) They fetishized trans men
Writing four trans men acting stupid and cringy in college and having healthy relationships and discussing boundaries and consent in a polyamorous relationship is not fetishizing. The artist himself is a trans man.
Sidebar, many critiques also center around the unrealistic portrayal of four ppl being in one polyamorous relationship together which honestly? Who cares if it’s unrealistic, it’s a good portrayal and it’s a romance, why can’t gays just have a happy story for once.
3) The characters are all Asian and do not look Asian
Hey, I didn’t know they were Asian either. I mean, I figured jock was but not the others. But honestly it’s not that big a deal. They’re the only four characters in the entire series I believe( other than their girl counterparts) and I’m sure if there was another character that wasn’t Asian we’d be able to tel. But even then, many many comics have a similar simplistic artstyle online, and race and ethnicity are not always obvious. Also the artist is Filipino, so I really doubt there’s anything iffy going on there.
4) Nerd is a proshipper
There’s nothing bad about thinking fiction ≠ reality and that you can act independently of the fiction you consume. Most people irl are proship without realizing it. Most literature is proship, because it explores every single aspect of storytelling. Antis really have not chosen the best hill to die on.
And that’s all I’ve got.
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Hi, I sent you an ask a while ago about Ken taking care of your wound. I hope I didn't overshare in the first part of the message. I just wanted you to know you're not alone in your feelings.
Hi sweetheart!!! No please don't worry!! I meant to respond to you (not as a posted ask ofc, but rather making a separate text post without any details/info attached for your privacy) but my depression hit me super hard the last few days and I wasn't able to get back to anyone in a timely manner the way that I planned. I got over 30 asks this week that I was hoping to answer but,,, my brain has turned into a burnt out baked potato since I've picked up so many extra shifts fjhgjfdgh
You didn't overshare, don't worry about that. I thought about you a few times this week and hoped you were doing okay, or well, as okay as you can be given the circumstances. Thank you for empathizing with my situation, and I'm very sorry for what you have to put up with. Literally as I was reading your message I was thinking "dude are we literally the same person or something??" I have gone through almost all of those scenarios, of course not EXACTLY but my god it seems pretty close. and uh. it sucks. It hurts and it sucks..... ughh. We deserve better. It will get better. It's completely normal to have periods in your life where you feel so unbearably lonely and sad -- granted, our lonely period has been. like. forever lmao but like -- we WILL be surrounded by love and acceptance and one day we will forget how it felt to be in our current situation we're in rn. It's gonna get better. It feels super impossible and really hard everyday but dude it WILL get better bc that's how the universe functions, everything is temporary, eventually something will shift and new opportunities will come, or new people who bring you joy.
In the meantime, I am mentally holding your hand through any bad day you have. Thank you again for empathizing with me, bc honestly I hear sooo many stories about how people have... great experiences with the subject you wrote about, and it just makes me feel so bitter and resentful bc like... I'll never have that. And of course I am SO sorry that you go through the same feelings as me and the same, uh what's the word [squints] situations? events?? I don't know how to phrase it. but your message brought me a little bit of comfort to know I wasn't the only person who has to deal with that. I am surrounded by so many ppl who are so, so close with their families and watching that kind of thing makes me feel so bitter sometimes, and it just makes me wanna walk directly into the ocean dfshlfhslfksdsfd
I also want to say thank you SO MUCH for telling me Ken would patch up my wounds 😭😭 that was nice of you to take the time to do that for me ;-; I always beat myself up so much after I hurt myself, bc as you are aware of uh. [gestures to our unnamed topic] I've had bad experiences where i've hurt myself and have just gotten yelled at or ignored altogether, so. I just assume my F/Os would hate me for it. I get extra sad with Ken especially bc he's a doll and he's never seen human blood before, so my thoughts are always "oh he'd be scared of me and grossed out and hate me sooo much" but you were the first and only person who said "hey actually he'd be concerned!!!" and I just. wept. in a good way ofc!! but dude I just bawled after reading that, it was something I needed to hear so badly. Especially the lines "Ken loves you, Keri" "You know he doesn't half-ass things when it comes to you" and my favorite "He would draw you a little horse on the bandage, if you asked him to (he hopes you ask him.)" Ofc I will ask him I will PLEAD with this man to draw a very sparkle horsey in a pink glittery pen :] anyway I hope you don't mind I saved that particular paragraph so I could go back and reread it to cheer myself. I read it again today while I was at work actually!
Virtually I am giving you a big hug and flowers 💐💕✨ be safe, be well. I am sending you love and stars across the internet 🌟
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navigation 🧭
hello. for anyone new here:
i'm michelle (aka hokshi), she/her, 25+
lover of himbos
simp for tsunderes
appreciator of dilfs
addicted to slow burn
(and slave to kirishima natsuya)
here you'll find my anime-related interests, as well as my spontaneous, low pressure, unbeta'ed drabbles. i mainly write [male character] x fem!reader, and about half the time, it contains mature content. so pls be aware of that and manage your own boundaries. i am very casual about what/how i post here, so i'm putting a lot of trust into you to care take of yourself
most of my writing that i actually put my soul into is on AO3, so if you're looking for slow burning, emotional tension with a sexy ending, you'll likely find smth more fitting over there
but since i've accumulated enough writing on this blog now as well, i figured it was time for a directory, so here ya go:
🔞 — nsfw
💖 — personal fave/rec
— drabbles —
BNHA
bakugou katsuki:
choking 🔞
baby boy
thirsting at the gym
bakugou pole dancing 🔞
fantasizing 🔞
moon viewing
tsundere dad!baku + art 💖
ph!baku x stand up comedian!reader
basketball player!baku 💖
domestic thoughts
"come see me"
kirishima eijirou:
pwp 🔞
reverse somno 🔞💖
at the beach with a himbo + song rec 💖
the last to know
bunny boy bj 🔞
cum buckets 🔞ish
sero hanta:
pierced/tatted fuckboi!sero
change of plans (a fuckboi!sero series) 💖🔞
general:
kink headcanons 🔞ish
JJK
itadori yuji:
pick your poison (yuji/sukuna twins!au) 🔞ish
nothing but ass on the brain 🔞
glass slipper type beat
//
— fic trivia —
some extra headcanons, rough visuals, or fun facts from some of my fic universes, which can also be found in my #fic trivia tag
HQ
from "Love Unlimited" (hinata x atsumu x reader)
- sequel/aftermath headcanons
BNHA
from "Good for Me" (a tattoo artist!bkg x tattoo artist!reader au)
- sketch of bkg's tattoos
- extra au headcanons
Free!
from "Within the Chaos" (a single dad!natsuya au)
- fanart i commissioned of natsuya & yumeko
- headcanons of having "the talk" with teenager!yumeko
//
— other info —
this is a side blog, so i follow/like from a different account
i mostly write for myself/my own enjoyment, so i don't take requests. but i do enjoy hearing suggestions if you want to share some inspo!
for non-anon asks, i usually answer privately (although sometimes i press a wrong button or tumblr goofs smth and it ends up getting published). but sometimes, if it's smth i wanna share/document on my blog, i will publish/tag it as #ask
i really enjoy meeting/talking to new people tho! so if you ever want to share your love of your faves, talk about writing, recommend me fics/artists, or even just send me memes (related to my fics or otherwise), you are so very welcome to visit my DMs/ask box!
— if you'd like to support me —
i have a ko-fi, where if you're feeling generous, you can leave me a tip! i always deeply appreciate it!
you can also purchase a special extra story from a bakugou fic i wrote a while ago, which i'm actually quite proud of
when i'm feeling up to it, i occasionally open up commissions! ranging from 2k~5k words, depending on the price. please message me first about what you'd like before purchasing though! depending on your request, i may or may not be the right person for the job, so i would really appreciate communicating and coming to an agreement beforehand!
if we come to an agreement, you can purchase the commission through the ko-fi link above (for those with paypal), or if you live in the US, you can also send it to me through venmo!
if you made it all the way down to the bottom, thank you so very much for visiting my blog and taking an interest in my writing 💖🌹 i hope you have a great time
divider images by @/firefly-graphics
#this was probably long overdue lmao#if you found me through tumblr instead of ao3 you're prob wondering why this blog is so disorganized#pls don't hold it against me#i promise u i have more pride in my writing than my ability to make aesthetic posts or an organized tag system 🥴#mine#uhhhh#info
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The Rose. Episode 1- "Thorns"
(I had to take a screenshot, sorry)
A tumblr houseplant story from @briarborealisart
The info post is here
Note - this is still a first draft, any feedback would be much appreciated. Especially for this one, this is a super interesting concept to explore, but my brain found it so difficult, and comments on if I got to the core of this would be appreciated. <3
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Rose thought of faerself as quite interesting and quite successful.
It wasn't much of a leap. Not to Rose. Fae grew large & imposing, faer plant growing up the pole with large, flush leaves and a single spectacular bloom.
And it wasn't that Rose was better than anyone else, certainly not.
Rose valued faer life.
The others did not.
They talked and talked & played... before talking more. It annoyed Rose. How could they be so ignorant? Did they not see how much better they could grow if they employed Rose's methods?
Fae fluffed the bloom in fair tail. Rose was quite proud of it, for it had taken lots of methodical resourcing - knowing which bodily functions to enact & which nutrients to absorb, when to drink & when not to. But it was worth it. Fae had an actual, physical, & oh so pretty, manifestation of faer efforts. Fae liked to twirl it around in tail dances, showcasing its beauty for all to see.
They would regret saying that faer hugs were not appreciated.
What did they want faer to do?
Cover up faer thorns?
Faer thorns - and faer ingenuity - were how fae got here. They would reach the same heights as Rose if they weren't so bothered by inconsequential, infinitesimal pokes. Case in point. the Money tree.
"Well, perhaps if you didn't spend so much time wallowing in self-pity you wouldn't be prone to this sort of thing."
Money tree recoiled. leaves flaring.
Rose glanced to the canopy and flicked faer claws against each other. "Focus on your growth. You lost one tree already. right?"
Money tree faltered. "That's a- that's a sensitive subject ."
"All the more reason to fix this" Rose leapt to the base of the tree. sniffing & pawing at the dead one in the braid.
It was quite the simple fix actually. Rose twirled fair tail, satisfied. Money tree would see the merit in faer words and be oh-so-grateful that Rose told faer what needs to be told.
"You're too opportunistic & attention, seeking."
"You're one to talk"
Rose flicked an ear. "Pardon?"
Money tree flared four wings. "You did all this for attention right? You acted like you CARED. Well, I won't be taken advantage of by pollywiggins like you-"
Rose growled. "I'm afraid your mistaken. One of your trees is no longer here because you wanted the immediate pleasure of watering. Perhaps an extra few leaves to show off? Explain to me how I should be held responsible for your negligence, I am trying to help you-"
Money tree hissed. "This. This isn't help."
"If you can't handle -"
"No. Rose, I can't. You need to leave."
Rose growled, barring faer teeth. Fae was just being honest. Didn't Money Tree ask? If fae asked Rose, then fae should expect the honest truth, none of this watered-down wishy washy from the others. If fae wanted actual results, then fae should expect Rose to give actual answers.
"Now"
Fae huffed and slinked back to faer plant.
No one handles pokes.
Fae climbed to the tallest knot of stems. Rose specifically grew it to be a comfortable spot, away from the peculiarity of the others. Fae cuddled into it, letting the thorns and leaves blanket faer.
Well, Rose didn't know how to be any other way.
-----
Hope you like Rose <3 Fae was an interesting character to write.
if you don't mind the little self-promo: reblog this with one kind statement to "water" rose, let's spread some wonder to this convoluted place <3
And spread the word to anyone else who would like to add their houseplant to the garden, perhaps we can fill tumblr with houseplants.
[next episode - "Maidoe"]
#Rose the pollywiggin#the land of the fallen fairies#the tumblr houseplant series rose#the tumblr houseplant series#writer#writeblr
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Alrighty, here I am with more Darkiplier headcanons (bc I am a shameless Darkiplier apologist) that have been living in my mind, head, and brain rent free 24/7, 365.
Again, if I am wrong about ANY of this, please don't hesitate to correct me. These are just wee little ideas I'm spewing here.
OK, so @markiplier stated in his ADWM breakdown stream how he was the fucking WORST. He was just fucking AWFUL. He was a social manipulator because of that, right? And while I do think that is true, I also have a feeling that part of the reason why he social manipulates you is because it's a defense mechanism (Well, on Damien's part, anyway. Celine does it bc that's just how she is, me thinks. Hence the "don't trust the seer" in WKM.) He's already been fucked over once. He's not allowing that shit to happen to him ever again, if he can help it. If anyone was gonna be fucking people over, it was gonna be him. He's done being a victim. As Damien once said "I'm tired of being a pawn in everybody's game."
Whatever you want Darkiplier to be to you, he will be it (this most likely goes hand-in-hand with his manipulation, to an extent. Hence the "if dinner is what you want, then I can provide..." in ADWM.) Actor!Mark obviously wants him to be the villain, so clearly, he's going to play that part, and play it exceptionally well. But with me, he seems a lot more like an anti-hero. It fits him so well, in my eyes. No, I'll admit, he's not some prince charming in shining armor, but he's not the full antagonist here, either. He's a perfect little mixture of both, to me (again, this could be me just being a complete Darkiplier apologist here. Don't quote me on this, please. )
Here's an extra bonus HC I have for Wilford, Dark, and Eric Derekson.
Wilford and Dark adopt him and raise him as their own. Dark tries his hardest to be the responsible and stern (but not too stern/abusive) parent. Meanwhile Wilford is the "Cool Parent™️." Dark and Wilford are both so protective of him. Actually, scratch that, all of the egos (even Googleplier and Actor!Mark) are protective with this sweet baby boy. The second Derek starts being a douche towards Eric (or really just be in the same room with Eric just to make him feel uncomfortable, or starts looking at him funny), everyone grabs the nearest object to just fucking PUMMEL or SHOOT the fucking dick with.
Dark and Eric spend time together by having coffee/tea and sitting in the library together while listening to soft music. It helps With poor Eric's nerves and anxiety, lets him relax for a while, as well as his medication, which both remind him to do frequently. Wilford spoils the FUCK out of him by taking him on shopping sprees, a movie, or even grabbing him a bite to eat, and such. It is pretty much the only time you see him being truly happy.
If there's anybody that could honestly trust Dark to not manipulate them, it's Eric and Wilford. Wilford because of their history, Eric because he has honestly done nothing wrong. He's precious. He's truly and purely innocent, and it tears Dark's heart to see what he's been through. He can't go through with it.
They're happy, but dear Lord, they are such a dysfunctional hot mess. But make no mistake, as long as he is with them, he's acknowledged, he's appreciated, he's validated, he's cared for, he's loved.
Now remember, I may be wrong about all of these things. I'm not Markiplier. I don't have any anecdotal details for these characters, and if I did, it's bc Mark told me, and I would not tell Jack shit unless Mark told me it was OK to leak this info out.
#Darkiplier headcanons#Darkiplier#Wilford warfstache headcanons#wilford warfstache#eric derekson#Eric Derekson headcanons#Hc#Hcs#Headcanon#Headcanons#Markiplier#Markiplier egos#Markiplier headcanons
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Finally put together a (admittedly not very good) ref sheet for my oc Kimiko.
Some of the information on here only applies to my Creepypasta Au version of Kimiko. I'll have to make a general character sheet for her at some point.
Middle picture besides the full body one depicts the rare instance of Kim getting angry.
Bottom right picture is Kimiko with her daughter Rin.
Very long info dump about her below the cut here, including her personality:
(Content Warning for mentions of Self-Harm, Body Image issues.)
The first thing that can be noticed about Kimiko is that she's quiet and detached. Though this only applies when she's around people, as she was isolated most of her life by her father due to her condition and never properly learned how to socialize with people. There was a short period in her late teenage years when she attempted to connect with the outside world, but it ended horribly and the experience traumatized her. After that, she decided it was best to isolate herself away from humanity and the world in general.
Despite her seemingly nonconfrontational nature, she has zero tolerance for anyone showing her disrespect. While her father Noboru made many mistakes with raising Kimiko, some of which she doesn't realize or outright denies, he never tried to go out of his way to make her feel like terrible about herself. If anything, he might've overdone it since, in some circumstances, Kimiko will go out of her way to look like the smartest person in the room. While Kim is intelligent, even she isn't immune to messing up due to overconfidence in whatever plans she's made.
Kimiko actually does like to dote and care for people, though this is a part of her personality that's only been shown for her daughter in recent years. If she were to end up befriending anyone, she'd end up being the mom friend.
Kim does suffer from body image issues, stemming from the fact that she constantly has to force her body to even stay in a humanoid shape most of the time. In order to even sleep, Kim has to chain herself down to her bed frame. Otherwise, her body will go out and assimilate/eat people against her will. In general, Kimiko becoming unconscious means her body has the opportunity to go do whatever it wants. She also goes out of her way to avoid reflective surfaces and hasn't ever seen her own face due to an unnatural shadow that's been covering it for as long as she can remember.
- Kimiko can't swim. In general, being in a body of water feels extremely uncomfortable to her, hence why she's never bothered to learn. In general, Kimiko tends to stay away from large bodies of water.
As far as Kimiko's interests go, she enjoys mostly creative hobbies. She got into doll making to fill the void she felt from the isolation ever since she was a child. Though even at a young age she enjoyed sewing together outfits for the dolls her father would give her. She also enjoys drawing and painting, as it gives her a way to express herself and reinforce her arguably weak sense of identity that she hardly feels she has due to her issues with her body.
Since Kim feels so little control in her life, she feels the need to be hyper-rational about everything. She'll deny the existence of the supernatural despite being in that category herself. She also doesn't believe in any higher power.
Kimiko's general style is very feminine and cutesy, and her favorite colors are pink and purple.
Extra:
- Kimiko was born with human organs in her body, though most of them are redudant due to how her body works. Kimiko is particularly protective of her brain, seeing as it's the only thing that makes her, well, her. It's possible that if she were to be rendered brain dead, her body would have full control.
- Animals (barring those that are supernatural in nature.) don't like Kimiko very much. They will either attack or flee from her. Normal humans in general are just kinda creeped out by her, though there are exceptions.
- Kimiko's body occasionally talks to her. Kimiko refers to the entity that speaks to her as "Her".
- She's very much inspired by The Thing, and also partially by the Outer God Shub-Niggurath as far as her abilities go.
- Kimiko did have a boyfriend at one point. The relationship didn't end well for either Kim or her boyfriend, but it did lead to Rin being born.
- Kimiko has self-harm scars caused by her sliding heated metal across her wrists and thighs. She's only ever done with it heated metal because her regeneration doesn't work on burns. She has a few larger scars as well that were caused by the Rake after the creature invaded the shack Kimiko and her father lived in when she was 13, which nearly killed her. It's unknown why the scars caused by the Rake haven't healed properly.
- She currently resides in a ramshackle cabin somewhere deep in Appalachia with her daughter Rin. Kim's father disappeared when she was around 13 after going out to find the monster that nearly killed Kimiko.
I think that's all the info I want to give out, I just wanted a basic info sheet to put on here. I haven't yet written her creepypasta due to low motivation, but I have a general idea of how it's supposed to go.
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PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE ME HANGING FOR UR WRITING SNDNND. I loved ur recent one, where Villain finds that Hero doesn't care for their sidekick and their disgusted at that. Could u do a follow up? Maybe Sidekick gives villain the info and hero rages on them or SMTH idk
Thank you for asking for a follow up, I enjoyed writing this SO MUCH.
Part 1
TW: Cussing, mentions of past abuse, imprisonment
Word count: 841
The hallways were dark and quiet. That was how Villain had always liked it, an extra punishment for anyone unlucky enough to find themselves amongst the cells. They were never cleaned, either, rotted food littering the cells of those that refused to eat, the smell of waste lingering from the toilets. There were soft moans from those that had been there too long, screams and cries from those who hadn’t been there long enough.
It had taken a good amount of time to scrub the blood off of their arms and face, they hoped it would be worth it. Being covered in their mentor’s blood was hardly the way to make them feel safe.
That is, if Sidekick even looked at them at all.
Villain reached the cell, unlocking it with one of the keys at their belt. They pushed the door open carefully, the metal screeching as it scratched the concrete floors. As soon as it opened, cold air surrounded their body, sending a familiar chill through them. They were used to the cold down there, the temperature never changed. Still, they took a deep breath before taking a full step in.
In the far corner, a crumpled figure lay curled up on the mattress, shaking, pressing the sandpaper-like blanket against their flushed cheeks. They could see the whites of their eyes peering up at them, following Villain as they walked into view.
“I’m not telling you anything,” the kid shifted on the stiff mattress, puffing out their chest as much as they dareed. It was an act, the confidence. They were still scared. Villain could see their tense shoulders, the way they shook, the way their voice quaked as they spoke.
“I’m not here to get information from you.” Villain stalked closer, hands balanced in front of them. Sidekick shuddered anyway as Villain sat on the cold floor in front of them, keeping a wary eye on them as they sat back up. It took all Villains strength to not pull Sidekick into a hug right then and there, but they knew that in this situation, they were the predator. Sidekick was the small, weak prey, like they always have been. “I only wish to talk to you. Whether you would like to participate in the conversation or not.”
Sidekick eyed them still, remaining silent. They knew the reason for this was not just because they were in Villains presence. No, most heroes and sidekicks yell, insult, scream, spit, make whatever noise they can. A pointless endeavor, really, but this time Villain was practically begging for it, letting the silence linger in the air way too long between the two. Sidekick's gaze soon faltered, meeting the floor.
They sighed, “Hero has… done things to you, haven't they?” The Sidekick’s gaze snapped back up to Villains, shaking, for a split second. They hurriedly returned their gaze to the floor, and the criminal could nearly hear them beating themself up.
You showed weakness again. A crack sounds through the empty space of their brain. A phantom pain spreads across their skin. Damnit, can’t you do anything right? You’ll never be a successful hero. You're worthless. Go. Out of my sight.
The criminal brought a hand to their face, rubbing the tingling of unshed tears away. “Kid, I know they’ve hurt you. What are you, fourteen?” Villain wiped their hands on their jeans, leaning in closer to the shaking form in front of them. Even the slight touch of Villain's hand on their cheek made them jolt, but Villain held them steady, pulling them into their chest. “You’re not a failure, kid. You’re not worthless. Hero is.” They didn’t know if they were talking to their prisoner or themself, but they did know that the younger of them started crying, silently, as Sidekick clutched Villains cloak like a lifeline.
“April 7th, 3:00 pm, at your underground base. They’re going after your weapons stash.” The voice was so silent, they were not sure if they heard correctly, but the kid kept going. “They aren’t taking prisoners. They’re going to- hic - kill ever-every single- fuck!” Sidekick pressed their head deeper into Villain's chest, clenched fingers pulling at the edges of their cloak, pulling Villain closer, to which they only held onto them tighter. “They’re a bunch of murderers! All of them!”
Tears were spilling down Villains face too now, faster than they could ever hope to stop. “I know, kid, I know. I know it hurts. I’m here, I won’t hurt you. You’re safe, dammit. Safe from them,” Villain sighed. “All of them.”
Neither of them moved, even as guards dragged a bleeding Hero down the cellar halls, past the open cell. Even as Hero yelled to Sidekick, calling them a traitor, weak, worthless. Screaming at Villain, incoherent, blurred words as they were lost to the suffocating air of their own suffering. It only caused them to hold each other closer, a child to their last hope, and a lost hero to their past.
“Let’s get you out of here, then, shall we?”
Tag list: @eeveearoace @bleeding-letters
#writing#writeblr#writing community#my writing#writers on tumblr#heroes and villains#hero and villain#hero#villain#sidekick#whump#whumper#caretaker#mentionsofabuse#cussing#imprisonment
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Pulling at the Thread of the Day Court and the Dawn Court Pt.1 - Alchemy & Other Realms
☆ All SJM spoilers: ACOTAR, CC, and TOG ☆
I might be putting this insanity out into the tumblr wilds, but trust that I do not think anyone would ever care to read something this long. Idk if my college thesis was this long. This is a literal invitation into how my neurodivergent brain works. Expect real a to b to q to wow we've just fully veered off the road... where are we even going? energy. If you get tired along the way — yeah, trust me that's normal.
So, I'm doing my first re-read of ACOTAR!! Tbh during the first go around I struggled with the OG trio (I DNFed ACOFAS multiple times lol) and it's been well over a year since I've read them. But recently, I binged every other SJM book/series. So during my messy reread I've been picking up on a lot. And enjoying it more! But there were two fleeting moments from ACOMAF & ACOWAR that caught my eye and led me down what will become (maybe) the longest fucking theory spiral. Like multi part...
Honestly? It's been so fun. My job is very soul sucking.
In short — nothing about this will be short lol — the thread I followed brought me to Helion, his Day Court, and weird connections to both the Thesan/the Dawn Court and one of ACOTAR’s many unexplored Faerie Realms. And some realms not in ACOTAR. I also take a look at both Helion and Thesan’s powers (as well as some others) that have me questioning... some unexplored "magic" from multiple worlds. Happy to call all of it crack theory, but I will be citing as much canon as tumblr's image limit allows. This is gonna be a long and winding road!
I always add books and page numbers (and try to add any other relevant citations) to the visuals/sources I use, so check those out if you need some extra info!
Color Key: spoilers, notes from me 2 u, important, important + links, mentioned later in the post, mentioned in another post of mine or in a future post
Day Court Powers and Dawn Court Powers
Alright, so the moment that caused me to spiral was a snipe from Lucien in Chapter 11 of ACOWAR. Feyre’s plan to GTFO of the Spring Court is fully in motion, but she's freaking out about Hybern weaponizing faebane. Breezing past that, Lucien confronts her about being a big ol’ liar whilst reminding her that he has other friends, ok?
So, two things: I was trying to remember who Lucien’s friend was and thought, Oh right, the ‘Master Tinkerer.’ The friend that made Lucien’s golden eye, which is itself magical.
But then I got caught up in a different question... Like hold up, what healing powers did Feyre use in this moment he’s talking about?
Because that's the main power of the Dawn Court that's canon thus far. Especially because Lucien is pointing out that his friend’s light and Feyre’s light comes from “the same power,” which he seems to know intimately, and their “light is identical.” At first, I was just confused because who is this non-High Lord person with High Lord power? And are we all cool with that or...?
So I flip back to ACOMAF to remind myself wtf we’re talking about here… which of Thesan’s — or the Dawn Court’s — powers did Feyre use in the Hybern/Cauldron event at the end of the book? A display noticeable enough that Lucien clocked Feyre's light looking familiar — perhaps because his mechanical/magical eye might have related functions.
As it turns out we're not talking about Thesan’s powers at all… we’re talking about Helion’s powers. Which might be why Lucien is intimately familiar with how the power works — for wholly different reasons... like having inherited Helion’s powers himself.
So Feyre breaks through Hybern's wards so she can get her sisters and IC out and reestablishes her bond speaking with Rhys, but notably she still can't feel the bond with Hybern's spell crushing down on it. But she pretends she's broken the "curse" Rhys has put on her to make her like him more than Tamlin...
Tamlin... my dude... no...
And while Feyre gave an Oscar worthy performance convincing everyone that her very nice Night Husband was evil the whole time, Lucien is suspicious as hell... and so is his eye.
Lucien knew Feyre was full of shit and with “centuries of cultivated reason” he might know about some other lies *cough* who his real dad is *cough*. But his mating bond with Elain has freshly snapped into place… so his priorities shifted, one could say, and doesn’t call Feyre out.
Ok, so where are we now?
Feyre used Helion’s Day Court power - his light and his cursebreaking/spellbreaking to take down Hybern’s wards so the Night Court could get her recently Made sisters out of dodge. Lucien clocks this because he has a friend in the Dawn Court with the same abilities and the same light and also maybe because he personally knew Papa Helion’s powers were being used.
Here's a post from whitewolf-ofdoranelle: detailing some evidence about Lucien maybe knowing the truth about Helion and his powers.
About Light in the SJM Multiverse:
It's becoming more important by the second!
We have many different shades that seemingly allude to overarching people/powers/plots. Most of the time when we encounter characters using or emitting light, they/we don’t exactly know where it comes from or how it works. Which is why so much of the understanding re: our shining characters is still just speculation at this point.
But we know it's for sure important with the introduction of the Starborn Line in Crescent City and the lore that connects Midgard and Prythian (tho the stories are not identical... someone is lyinggg). We’re building that knowledge more extensively as the multiverse comes into play.
For example, when Feyre glows after the mate-a-thon with Rhysand in the mountain cabin she wonders what court's light is turning her into a 100 watt bulb...
It very well might be a different light! Helion's light has been described as healing! Of all the glowy boys — Thesan is actually the glowiest and the brightest! Are they different? Are they the same? I really don't know!!! And I'm sorry if I've made you more confused now too. Tho I do delve into Thesan more towards the end.
A thought I've had re: Helion's kind of light (I'll get more into in another post) has everything to do with Pelias... and Helion's sensitivity to the Dread Trove.
In ACOSF, Helion has to have the IC cover the mask and physically remove himself from the area... no one else has this sensitivity (at least to this extreme) and all Helion has to say for himself is this:
It's worth noting that in Midgard they don't seem to have the same distinctions regarding light powers. Like... everyone who glows (minus Hunt) is Starborn?
In Prythian we have Dawn Court light, Day Court light, Night Court shadows and perhaps this (to borrow the Midgard term) Starborn light. Pelias, the controversial figure in the lore connecting P + M in the King Fionn and Theia story, is said to be a Starborn prince. But at every turn the Princes of Hel are quick to point out that Pelias' power and his light are nothing like Theia's — who is, by their claim, the true Starborn power holder — and her daughters'. They also say Theia's daughters have starborn and shadow gifts, but that isn't necessarily part of Pelias' skill set either... I'm lookin' at you Aidas.
Anyway, I've toyed with the idea that perhaps Pelias' light powers, because Midgard lacks the distinction between light powers, could be Day Court-like. And it would make sense that the Dread Trove would ward against anyone in that lineage considering "Pelias wielded [Luna's] Horn until he died" (HOEB). JUST SOME THOUGHTS.
Check out this absolutely incredible (a comprehensive) theory post from @wingedblooms about the different kinds of light in the SJM Multiverse
But back to Lucien’s friend who has Day Court powers… who is she?
It’s Nuan! A character I was like, "She seems cool, can’t wait to get to know her.”
And then ACOWAR ended and we never heard from her again... womp. But, some might call this a loose end.
It's me. I'm calling it that.
Considering she played a big role in Lucien’s life (a former main-ish character with nothing but loose ends), provided critical help to win the war against Hybern, has a suspicious amount of power, technical skills, and connection to distant faerie realms we still know frustratingly little about… Nuan has nothing but potential! Welp, let’s get into it.
So remember how Feyre is like “What if everything I eat has faebane in it, wow that’s suddenly a huge problem for us right now on the verge of war?” And then Lucien is like, “You have my friend’s powers, you liar?” Coincidental? Cool.
When Nuan is finally introduced by name, she's shown up at the tensest High Lord meeting ever at the Dawn Court. Why? She wants to let everyone know she invented a cure for that pesky Faebane. Helpful!
There is a metric ton stuffed into her introduction and it's hard to even know where to begin, but I'll try.
Just know the “she looks kind of like Amren thing” is incredibly specific and out of nowhere.
Whenever SJM throws in an “oh, I just kinda thought that… strange” and “oh hm maybe i saw that person glowing like a 60 watt bulb but maybe not” etc etc etc… statements, they are always important. There are more of those moments to come and every series by her is full of these.
Anyway, ACOTAR has had 5 books (4 novels, one novella) and this comparison to Nuan is among one of the more specific pieces of the “who and what is Amren” puzzle we get. We’ll get to it, but we’ve got a mountain the size of Ramiel to dig through first.
Back to the Dawn Court scene: Being his usual discriminatory self, Beron aka the High Lord of Autumn is suspicious of Nuan’s miracle cure for faebane for because he's an asshole and a xenaphobe — we’ll come back to this. But she counters with her own commitment to protecting the fae from being poisoned and powerless. Go Nuan! It also seems like she's a very dedicated scientist, but that behind this science there is also magic. Makes sense when you consider the whole magical appendages gig she has!
Nuan monologues about the Mother aka higher power/god/[insert mystical lore here] situation who is suspect #1 in the whole “what are the gods?” conversation. The gods, etc. are known lore — which exists in different forms ACOTAR, TOG, and CC — and they're complicated enough to warrant their own massive post.
Anyway, Nuan explains that the Mother provides “everything we need on this earth.” Nuan simply needed to find what the Mother has provided Prythian to stop Hybern from “wiping out” their powers. Considering she applied this logic and it worked… seems legit... and important?
So yes, the way she phrased her scientific method struck me... and left me with so many more questions than I started with. Like what did you use and how did you do it and where did you find it??? What do you mean this earth?! I could keep going!!!!
However, her antidote can’t protect fae entirely because physical objects made from faebane will still have dangerous effects. Sounds like her compound is able to… dare I say… break the curse or spell of faebane? But if the physical object that makes fae vulnerable comes barreling at them… well that’s a whole different story. Kind of like how from the first scene I mentioned: Feyre could break the wards and the spell silencing her mating bond with Rhys, but she still couldn’t feel any of the physical effects of the bond with Hybern’s spell shutting her down.
Nuan, it seems, not only has Day Court-like powers as a person whose family isn’t from Prythian, or the Solar Courts, she can transform magic/power into physical objects - magical mechanical body parts and medicines, for ex. Kind of like less spooky Nesta sword versions of Made objects?
But this is apt considering she’s not just a tinkerer (a word that will always make me lol), but Thesan introduces her as an alchemist.
Let's talk about alchemy, baby
So let’s take an unplanned detour off the cliff of what tf is alchemy? VERY COMPLICATED is what it is! You may wonder where the heck are I'm going with this... patience my friend. Possibly somewhere... maybe nowhere... idk. Look, I said this would be long.
I promise we'll delve into actual historical contexts, but I'm gonna be real with you... I'm not a scholar, or a philosopher, or an archaeologist, or a theologian, or a chemist, or an anthropologist. I took courses on these subjects, but I just enjoy learning about this stuff/consuming content about it. Alchemy is very mysterious, very "lost to time," so it's hard to get it right. And just to keep it 100... my deepest and longest exposure to alchemy comes from a beloved manga and anime series. If you're like... "yup, absolutely not." Skip the rest of this post if you'd like... or skip ahead. To both fandoms... I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do. lol.
Alright, raise your hand if you too love the manga and anime series Full Metal Alchemist… If you’re not raising your hand, I highly recommend giving it a whirl. And maybe don't ruin it by reading any of this. If you think Kingdom of Ash has insane world building culminations and… pain... yeah FMA has that and emotional pain I’ve never healed from. *sobs* 10/10
Much like SJM and her use of universal mystical concepts and traditions, FMA also references much of the real history of alchemy and, by association, incredibly complex mystic religious principles. And what would ya know? Turns out FMA is a super helpful tool to explain/understand this very difficult subject.
So let’s take a quick look at the main character in FMA…
That’s Edward. He’s a rascal. He’s also an incredible alchemist who’s able to transmute — woefully basic explanation: turn objects from their original form into something else through the law of equal exchange — without a transmutation circle. That's a rarity among even the greatest alchemists. Because he can do this, at age 12, he becomes the youngest State Alchemist (he works for the government begrudgingly). Though, in the image above, that's Ed with a transmutation circle and hm... is that a star shaped rune? I digress.
You might ask... where is there an instance of a "law of equal exchange" in SJM's worlds? It might not be a perfect parallel, but... there's definitely something going on with give and take regarding magic. And that has major implications re: how much magic each world has (and how much the Asteri need to consume/wreck worlds for). I'm a broken record but... that perhaps will be its own post one day.
When Nuan talks about the Mother providing what that world needs... I feel like we're touching on something here. And as an alchemist, her work would be centered around this law of balance. Of course, we get absolutely no details from SJM.
But let's look at something we've encountered a bit more, like the Great Rite. Note: not my favorite magic tradition in these worlds... But it keeps coming up, especially where characters with mysterious pasts are concerned.
I've also made a post tying it in with Hunt from Crescent City and... idk... once I saw it, I can't unsee it.
First off, Lucien shakes off shadow hands multiple times talking about the Great Rite... please take note of that for a point below.
But we get reference of a tradition that must occur every year for their magic's cosmic "give-and-take." Sounds equal exchange-like.
High Lord becomes the Hunter (Hunt... is that you?) who needs to find the Maiden (Bryce is this what you guys are doing?) selected by the magic. Then they "couple" *sigh* and generate magic that's released back to the earth and all is well and magical for the coming year. Sure.
The Maiden has come up countless time in the references to the triunity or triple goddesses throughout ACOTAR, CC, and TOG (Also long and complicated - I am 100% doing a post on this). Short version: the triple goddess = mother, maiden, and the crone. Three-faced goddess. All the moon goddesses implicated. Witches and their goddesses... Persephone-like characters... etc. etc. etc. I'll get into it another time... this is my super bowl. But the Maiden has everything to do with the Mother and vice-versa, just as Nuan pointed out in her assessment of balance and magic within this world.
Outside of the Great Rite's Hunter and the Maiden ritual, Lucien says the rest of court takes a part in the night, "though it’s not the Great Rite, our own dalliances tonight will help the land, too" (ACOTAR, Chapter 21). Energy spent becomes energy reaped... even if they don't get the ritualistic title. Is this reminding you of science class and the first law of thermal dynamics: energy can't be created or destroyed it can only be transformed? It should.
It's notable that every Court has a Great Rite they must comply with to power the magic of the land, though we're only familiar with the Spring Court's Calanmai tradition. But in ACOSF, Gwyn mentions multiple times that when females "come of age" they can, and seem to be expected to, participate in the Rite. And we all know rituals with titles and milestones have never gone wrong for anyone... *stares in Crescent City* (The Drop). But also, we're seeing instances in both CC and ACOTAR where magic is waning... like the balance is off. Rhys tells Feyre that Starfall souls are less plentiful and well... we know the Asteri are over indulging in first light. Essentially, exchanges are not equal and there are traditions in place to keep them that way! What's changing? What does this mean?
The TikToker ahappyhermit posted her first podcast episode about Starfall and the dwindling souls and it's awesome. She's also got a lovely reading voice!
Back to FMA, transmutation boiled down also feels suspiciously similar to Aelin and co. drawing their wyrdmarks... something many SJM theories speculate will make a big return come CC3/ACOTAR5.
Alchemists even wear objects (clothes? yup! prosthesis? yup! fake eyes... eye patches? yup!) or have tattoos (Aelin and Bryce's world walking tats? TOG witches w/ the Eye of the Goddess tats?) with transmutation runes to help them attempt to do what Ed can do — transmute without crouching down and drawing out a rune.
In an attempt to try and spare you the full rundown of the science and magic of both alchemy and the world of FMA... there's gonna be metric tons of nuance I'm leaving out. The FMA fandom are effectively scholars at this point and I just want you ALL to know I know I'm watering some of this down.
Why can Ed transmute without a circle? It's really complicated, and important, but I'll do my best to summarize. First, it helps that, like Nuan, he has a metal arm - in FMA it's called automail, it's as complex as we've come to know Nuan's work is (albeit a little less magical), and basically he can do science faster/easier with it (I'm so sorry this would simply take too long to explain). And because *giant and complete FMA spoiler alerts across the board - like seriously I'm going to discuss all of the big reveals* he does some majorly taboo alchemy — resurrection of human life — that takes his leg and arm (and his brother's entire body, but not his soul leaving him as animated armor). Performing the taboo human transmutation opens a portal to the Gate of Truth. It opens, revealing a dimension of information which manifests as a shadowy void with several shadow-like hands coming out of it and a single large eye within. And this isn't just pure FMA canon, it draws inspiration from the lore of the Tree of Life.
Shadowy hands and something with a big eye watching you in a knowledge void? Hm... Let us turn to Nesta spiraling out and falling down the House of Wind steps and into her Making memories from the Cauldron. This does not include the MANY times characters, from multiple worlds, mention feeling shadowy hands (*wink* Dorian), but we saw examples with Lucien above.
The Cauldron kind of sounds like a big eye in a shadowy void that is perhaps a different dimension stacked with information, huh?
And what happens after Nesta's spiral? She comes to and realizes she's sparked and embedded her hand, and then handprint, in stone... which is also glowing.
Did anyone else find this moment/detail weird when they were reading? Cassian found it super weird!
Back to Edward, at the Gate of Truth, he meets a god, Truth. It's a whole thing. Insanely long story short, by reaching the Gate, Edward sees into the void that holds the truth of the universe. This allows him to bypasses the need to draw runes and instead channels the energy of alchemy/all the nature bending stuff he does by his own will.
Effectively, Ed seeing beyond the Gate allows him to break the rules of nature and freely wield a "different magic".
Interesting, because what Nesta has taken from the Cauldron seems to allow her to bypass the natural order of things too. No markings or weapons needed.
Throughout the series some (Illyrians) call Nesta a witch and refer to her different, powerful magic as unnatural. In fact, even the other magical beings of Prythian do not get her magic.
Hypothetically, and just pretend with me, Nesta could (she gave it back) do a kind of alchemy without the limits of nature/the laws of Prythian because she she took too much from the Cauldron/void of truth... it stands to reason that, much like using the wyrdmarks in TOG, that alchemists like Nuan are tapping into something totally different magic-wise. Like most High Fae have some magical capabilities, but the High Lords are usually the ones with the more robust skillset. Alchemy might be this secret link to why characters — multiple groups of high skilled/non royal fae/even humans in TOG — can display huge power... as well as create objects with incredible abilities like arms and eyes... and... Prythian iPods?
Helion might not have tinkerers like Thesan, but he does have piles of libraries and scholars... oh ya you can be I will be doing a post just on libraries.
Anyway so we've got some suspicious powers around, suspicious magic objects created for other purposes originally, and magical objects like body parts and medicinal powders. We've got multiple instances across worlds that implicate magic and cosmic balance... specifically that balance being off now.
Especially with magic being targeted (First and Second Light in HSOAB) as a deity food source - I think correcting the broken state of magic with alchemy could very well become... something. And I explain below an instance we already have seen where non-magical magic does just this in the SJM multiverse.
But in the next part of this theory spiral this connects (perhaps!) to Nesta and the Cauldron/Gate of Truth concept I outlined. Specifically, alchemists who see it and come back have taken too much from it. It comes at a great personal cost, but they have superior nature-bending abilities. The "great personal cost" thing is a TOG quote... just btw. Spoiler alert: witch mirrors
Ok, I promise just a few more comps using FMA and we'll move this train right along...
Finally, in FMA and alchemy seven is also big number and I get into some other instances in the real history below. There are seven Homunculi, beings with tremendous power who have their own agenda with a much bigger scope than what's happening on this sole planet/realm. And actually, there's a secret eighth Homunculus that's been hiding in plain sight for the whole show (like a secret 8th court?)... and ends up being the creator of the other homunculi... as well as being Ed & Al's dad (like said secret court being an origin point for all our favorite fae?). What is a homunculus? It refers to the medieval legendary concept of a being Made and brought into existence by certain means of alchemy and it requires the Philosopher's Stone (too complicated to even get into, but it comes up again in my Pt. II post). Also fun fact: in FMA, Homunculi all carry the mark of the Ouroboros... like that (witch) mirror in ACOTAR that people have been mighty suspicious of.
The Homunculi are aptly named after the seven deadly sins - pride, envy, lust, wrath, greed, sloth, and gluttony. Makes you think... Asteri are pretty gluttonous... Valg? Princes of the Pit? Angels? Scions? Some High Lords? Nesta? IDK?! Anyway, the Homunculi begin as villains and some change their allegiance along the way. But not all not all of them are inherently evil. Despite looking like the human characters/beings in FMA, "Homunculi are still aberrations of nature created by violating the laws of the natural universe, and as such, have no souls." It's complicated, but they're incapable of accessing the Gate of Truth or regular alchemic (read: magic) powers, because they lack souls. Some weird Valgy/TOG god/Asteri/can't get through a damn portal parallels, no?
Ok, that was still SO long, and I'm just gonna leave these many kernels of thought I have failed to really wrap up here... whilst staring into my own void... and catalog of all the characters and beings we've run into described as something else or Made or bred. I will spare you from the whole chimera conversation... FOR NOW... but I'm looking at all of the spooky murder pets our heroes have fought off... and truly every Asteri "experiment" being. Just know that.
Has Sarah watched this show? Dude, I don't know. But I do know that we both entered the world of fantasy via Sailor Moon. According to this post she even wrote wildly popular Sailor Moon fanfiction. So she has watched and loved at least one anime. FMA is wildly popular, has a rich fantasy plot that's a masterclass in world building with brilliantly researched foundations in global mystical traditions, and it's penned by a woman! So, no, I'm not 100% convinced she hasn't.
So, is alchemy real? Kind of...
OK, I swear I'll focus now. So alchemy! There was a time when people believed it was real (from the ancient past to Isaac Newton who wrote a lot about alchemy and very real science). The way I have come to understand it, alchemy exists within the crossroads of science and mythology. It's even been considered a kind of witchcraft or spellwork. However, alchemy did either lead to, or exist along side, many important scientific laws and discoveries we still hold as truths/are taught today.
So... witchcraft, eh? We've had allusions to witches in ACOTAR, but we seem to be lacking the noted presence of such beings like we've seen in CC and TOG (though we still don't fully understand their powers across the board)... unless they're hiding in plain sight dressed as something else?
Interesting... no? I am far from the first to suggest the Made Archerons are witches (and Pt. II will have more witch talk and citations to great theory posts I didn't write). But hey, they could be alchemists too...
We know from Nesta's perspective in ACOSF that she absolutely took more than she should have from the Cauldron and she is using/making tools (read: swords) right and left. Plus, Mor's description sounds suspiciously like alchemy that's... gone rogue or without equal exchange. Also, more simply, everyone calls Nesta a witch (specifically the Illyrians) and she's cool with it. But that's could be because she revels in being scary and we love her for it.
Alchemy as word reveals much about it. Like most terms that have an "al" to start (algebra, algorithm, alfalfa, alcohol, almanac...) is an Arabic syllable for “the,” and we see it show up in the language of math and science.
"Alchemy was rooted in a complex spiritual worldview in which everything around us contains a sort of universal spirit, and metals were believed not only to be alive but also to grow inside the Earth... Historian Nevill Drury, in his book "Magic and Witchcraft," notes that, "The word alchemy is thought to derive from an Egyptian word, 'chem' or 'qem,' meaning black — a reference to the black alluvial soils bordering the Nile ... We know that the Greek word 'chyma,' meaning to fuse or cast metals, established itself in Arabic as 'al kimia' — from which alchemy is derived." Live Science
"Alchemists attempted to purify, mature, and perfect certain materials. Common aims were chrysopoeia, the transmutation of "base metals" (e.g., lead) into "noble metals" (particularly gold); the creation of an elixir of immortality... The perfection of the human body and soul was thought to result from the alchemical magnum opus ("Great Work"). The concept of creating the philosophers' stone was variously connected with all of these projects." Wikipedia
There's a lot going on there, but we're speeding right along. You can ask questions at the end of class. No, seriously ask them because I'm probably not gonna dig that deep here.
Alchemy has roots in many different ancient places and sprung up independently of one another.
"[There were] at least three major strands, which appear to be mostly independent, at least in their earlier stages: Chinese alchemy, centered in China; Indian alchemy, centered on the Indian subcontinent; and Western alchemy, which occurred around the Mediterranean and whose center has shifted over the millennia from Greco-Roman Egypt to the Islamic world, and finally medieval Europe." Wikipedia
As it turns out, Sarah and alchemy have a lot in common — they love mixing a matching the myth of many places into one magical tangle. There's a lot to unpack there and I wont get to all of it here... but I will try to eventually. One thing I will definitely touch on in another post is alchemy's connection to the God Hermes who keeps coming up in my research — he has many powers, but notably he's a world walker.
So from the quote above I'm gonna dive into connections with what we know about elemental fae magic, then we get back to Nuan and Alchemy's far reaching geographic history, and how that brings us to major questions marks around Helion and Thesan and their Courts.
Elemental Fae Magic vs Alchemy
So we don't know everything about elemental fae magic across worlds, but from the recent books and leading plots... we get a ton of focus on weapons (swords) being the biggest world connections (CC 3), Nesta forging narban blades, and Rhys explaining finally what this world is and what magic/fae used to be like.
Something new, eh? Something different?
As the LiveScience quote above points out, alchemy is magical, scientific, but it's also deeply connected to the Earth and laws of the universe. So elements play a big role and, you guessed it, we get the number 7 again (if you don't get why I keep referencing 7 I encourage you to take note every time the number 7 comes up in TOG, ACOTAR, CC because it's near constant):
"The elemental system used in medieval alchemy... consisted of seven elements, which included the five classical elements (aether, air, earth, fire, and water) in addition to two chemical elements representing the metals." Wikipedia
If you're unfamiliar with the concept of aether, here's an incredibly rushed explanation that's still somehow too long:
Aether has roots dating back to ancient Greece and means, "in Homeric Greek, 'pure, fresh air' or 'clear sky'. In Greek mythology, it was thought to be the pure essence that the gods breathed, filling the space where they lived, analogous to the air breathed by mortals. It is also personified as a deity, Aether, who is at times relates to Chronus, Erebus, Nyx, Chaos and Hemera (this is its own post) in traditional Greek mythology. Aether is related to αἴθω 'to incinerate', and intransitive 'to burn, to shine'."
Traditionally there are 4 elements - air, earth, fire, water. But in the Medieval Age (read: alchemy time), scientists concluded there was a 5th element. Aether was considered the material that fills the region of the universe beyond the terrestrial sphere. Unlike the four terrestrial elements that were subject to change and moved linearly, aether was a celestial element that moved circularly and had none of the qualities the terrestrial classical elements. Aether also is tied in quite often with light. And this is significant because light is notably how scientists (have — some theories since disproven — and currently do) measure distance and travel within space.
I find aether particularly interesting because, within the SJM multiverse, we have seen magic wielders display powers that would fall within the terrestrial elements (ex. Autumn Court's fire powers, Rowan's/Whitehorns' wind powers, House of Many Waters & Aelin's mom's water powers, etc.). But then we have these outliers whose powers work a little differently... perhaps more powerfully... specifically when we're talking about light and shadow. And with the allusions to burning, shining, and breath... we've got a lot of interesting Starborn connections. Also... travel within non-terrestrial spaces??? Come on now!
Back to Elemental Fae
In the ACOSF passage above, Rhys explains that Prythian Fae magic used to be more elemental — like the elements above. He also says their kind of magic could forge great weapons, just like Nesta who creates her narban blades... and a reminder that there are the 5 discussed elements and also 2 metals (we wont get into specifics here, but just... metals ok?) to create the 7 alchemic elements.
Tons here to analyze but take a look at TikToker chemicalrosie killing it on the analysis of elemental fae magic, weapons, and connections across the SJM worlds. She does most of the heavy lifting on this point (thanks Rosie).
In Crescent City we get more hints of elemental fae magic. In fact the Houses themselves seemingly represent these elements: House of Sky and Breath (aether? Also potentially air?), House of Earth and Blood (earth), House of Many Waters (water), House of Flame and Shadow (fire... also aether?). Under the House of Sky and Breath there are even beings called "Elementals," though we don't exactly know what an elemental is yet because their mentions are limited. Am I screaming "alchemists" into the void? Sure am. If they were elemental fae... wouldn't they just be called fae??? We do know they belong in the same House as angels, fae, and those blessed by major gods (which we know can give a magical or non magical being gifts of varying levels from TOG).
We also get mention of an Elemental War, which Lehaba mentions a distant relative sprite being involved in. Though that is sort of the extent of what we know about it (unless I'm wrong and feel free to tell me I'm wrong always).
We also get another depiction of elemental fae magic forging a weapon (refer back to that TikTok above if you want to delve into who this is and what it depicts in the multiverse).
So we're not gonna get too much deeper into elemental fae magic (tho let me know if you want further digging on this because my unhinged brain knows no bounds), but let me sketch my overarching point with this.
We have multiple points of reference within the SJM Multiverse where elemental magic and its noted difference to starborn/aether-like magic is being woven into this bigger world-spanning plot. Obviously, I referenced CC and ACOTAR here, but I could have dumped a ton of TOG references in here too (and will... later!).
We also have a multiverse with magic that seems... out of balance. We do not not know why all of these element-related mentions have been baked into the plot here and there. What was the Elemental War and why are magic abilities so different among Fae at the very least — and why are they different than they were before?
We also have metal/Made/superior substance swords linking our multiverse and being forged despite that not happening in a very long time. But now that Nesta has relinquished her stolen power back to the Cauldron... and we've got a world walker stuck in Prythian who may want to leave with one more sword than she landed with... seems like special weapon forging might be a useful skill. If only there was someone who could make magical metal objects without the powers of some spooky void or magical land decree...
Oh wait... we do have that person. And perhaps she also has a whole team of alchemists like her.
That's right folks... the last part... of this first part...
Back to Nuan and Other Faerie Realms
Oh my god this is so long. If you're still reading... I think we're officially betrothed? Idk. I love you.
Ok, so Nuan is described to us as so unique looking (look, I am not saying this is a great moment from SJM) she can only compare her to Amren... a [we have no idea but lots of speculation] being from another world.
Then we get a stark moment of xenophobia from Beron during the Dawn Court-High Lords meeting... because Nuan's parents are from a Fae realm called Xian. Xian is a faerie territory located somewhere in the Continent (I will speculate a ton below) that notably supported the loyalists during the war that resulted in the wall between the mortal lands and the fae realm. That means Xian was pro human slavery and that they ultimately lost. Nuan follows this up by reminding High Lord Asshat that she is as Prythian as his sons (let's go girl).
Beron's outburst also causes Thesan to jump to her defense because (that's his girl) his mom was from Xian... actually the majority of his court is from Xian?
ALRIGHTY THEN! Where to start?
So first off, just extrapolating from what we get in this exchange re: Xian... a place like most places SJM has not explained at all to us in that we know almost nada about it. If Xian supported the loyalists... and then they lost... and then a bunch of fae relocated to the Dawn Court in search of "a better life," we might (read: I do) assume that this was a territory south of the wall. Faeries, after the war, were not allowed to stay in the southern part of the continent.
Why do I find this interesting? Why have I spent 800 years getting to this point about an alchemist from Xian? Why do I even think alchemy is worth spending this much time thinking about when this is the only time we encounter it in ACOTAR?
Well, because it's not the only time we encounter it in the SJM multiverse.
So, in TOG, there are alchemists on the Southern continent who provide really important firelances to Aelin & co.'s fight against the Valg. A magical, very effective weapon that non-magical beings can use... and it's so impressive Aelin is relieved that her waning fire magic will be supported by such... firepower.
You know what else conveniently pops on the Southern continent in TOG? Healers and their Torre Cesme... Yrene Towers ilu. Isn't it just so coincidental that the Dawn Court's powers just so happen to be healing powers? And that in the TOG world there's an entire Fae healer community that relocated to the Southern Continent, bred healing powers into the mortal population, and then just... disappears? And also like are dead in crypts that are unbreakable for Valg related reasons, but I digress.
And something else that's fun is that Thesan and Nuan aren't even the only characters in that scene to get a cryptic allusion to a familiar sounding Southern continent that is notably... not one we've met via ACOTAR.
When Feyre describes Helion (it always comes back to him doesn't it?) in, yes, that meeting of the High Lords at the Dawn Court... I swear to all these freaking gods I didn't plan this! Anyway, she "all the sudden for some weird reason" starts thinking about a place her dad (feeling like I have to do a deep dive on Papa Archeron because the more I research not looking for him the more he pops up) visited as a merchant — south-eastern kingdom that sounds suspiciously Antica from Tower of Dawn. And we know when she thinks fondly of her father's merchant days she also always brings up spices... so there's that. (worth noting that this scene with Helion is BIG in my pt. 2 post)
So, obviously we get allusions to actual empires/places within these "different realms" in the SJM multiverse. Xi'an is the name of a real province in China (and has gifted the world so much food-wise and i'm sure countless other ways but I wont rest until I have cuminy lamby noodles asap) and the Khagnate/Southern Continent of the TOG world draws inspiration from the Mongol Empire (how I feel about SJM's... useage of these empires is it's own separate convo). It also includes a lot of the territories where alchemy sprung up independently and thrived that I mentioned before.
Sadly I'm out of images I can post (holy crap), so just... google it
Cool so we've got a lot of relevant territories covered here re: their SJM multiverse parallel.
Obviously Amren is the mystery that keeps giving and tons of people have their theories about her... and I guess SJM at one point said she's some kind of archangel... personally? IDK! Do I think it's strange, in my untangling of this curious maybe from another world territory population, that Amren... a being we know is from another world chose a Xian fae body? Yup! Especially because the southern continent, as we learn in Tower of Dawn from the Stygian Spyders (her handmaidens... which is what I thought Amren could have been, but that's not my theory battle I choose to fight) that there was a big ol' door/portal/whatever that Maeve walked herself and clique through. Hm...
Also, let us not forget when Nuan casually mentioned in her alchemic practice that the "Mother provides everything [they] need on this earth." What does she know that we doooon't?
And while I know I've wanted more, more of the other solar courts — I think perhaps they've been held back because they'll play an integral role in whatever happens next. I mean in addition to everything else Thesan's got a population of winged beings that sound suspiciously like Midgard's angels and Helion's got the only flying horsies (and libraries... I cannot stress how preoccupied I am with libraries in these worlds).
Re: Dawn Court... light-filled healers in TOG (specifically Yrene) play an essential role when it comes to the Valg (who we're not 100% are also the Asteri or Daglan, but let's say they're in the same fam). Yrene can "cure" the people the Valg infect and *the biggest of TOG spoilers* she kills the big bad Valg with her powers. But before she does that... Erawan (which will always just remind me of the fancy shmancy grocery store) wants to capture her and says her powers/what she can do goes far beyond what she understands... and... at the end of the day... us too... SARAH!!!
I will be doing a verrrry deep dive into TOG-world healers because every single page I read describing... like anything about them was making my SJM insanity senses tingle. We haven't spent a lot of time with Thesan and his powers, but we know Feyre's blood can heal others so... curious to see where that one leads.
But the other thing we've got in TOG is a lot of people of varying... let's call them heritages having varied power abilities... and even humans being able to use magic (like wyrdmarks). They've also got a god city and scions and I simply cannot spend anymore time going on tangents here, but know I only have more questions... no answers... help.
OMG we made it. To recap we've got: connections to other faerie realms (whether in ACOTAR or the multiverse which would implicate some world walking), we've got alchemists/alchemy, we've got healers, we've got two light wielding courts with some magic overlap and, and at the very least, magic irregularities. We've got gods all over the place. We've got... so many questions... but hopefully some thought provoking parallels!
If I had to make my very bold "conclusion" to whatever hellscape of a hypothesis this is it's that I do believe the Dawn Court and the Day Court have some mix and matching travel/world walking situations with the southern continent in TOG and ditto for that relationship regarding more elemental fae and Midgard. And with alchemy (that I really hope either exists in this world, manifests as just witches like babes I'll take it) acting as the connecting thread between the power balances of the worlds... idk I think we're gonna get some answers there. And I think perhaps they'll be very important to connecting the worlds.
Mostly... this is my plea to SJM to bring back Nuan! Tell us about the other glowing boys (Thesan & Helion).
Seriously, if you read any of this... thank you and just know I'm sending you a little virtual kiss. Ok, let's both go touch some grass now.
Pt. II is mostly written and coming to a tumblr near you soon.
#sjm multiverse spoilers#sjm multiverse#throne of glass#acotar#aelin galythinius#bryce quinlan#cc3#crescent city#empire of storms#hunt alathar#kingdom of ash#sjm books#nuan#faerie realms#helion#thesan#yrene towers#torre cesme#erilea#prythian#world walking#day court#dawn court#acotar theory#throne of glass theory#crescent city theory#alchemy#alchemists#witchcraft#elemental fae
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THE LUCKY ONE (1959)
Hollywood superstar Taylor Swift stars in this autobiographical film about her rise and subsequent departure from the world stage. After her first film suddenly launched her into the spotlight in 1952, Swift was forced to quickly adapt to the encompassing ruthlessness of fame. In The Lucky One, Swift illustrates several misgivings she had during her short love affair with worldwide fame. The film acts as a farewell to Hollywood and to superstardom, as Swift disappeared from the public eye immediately after the film's premiere.
—inspired by: jess | amy | valeria
#taylor swift#candy swift#tswiftedit#tscreators#tseditors#usercellphonehippie#tuserjohanna#iseethisedit#tuserabby#useraprilh#userjacinta#tsuserdana#userananyab#tuserkris#nessa007#usernicoly#*#*gifs#*film concepts#extra info in my brain if anyone cares:#im picturing her leaving while the movie is playing at the premiere and rarely being seen again#like the lights come on and they call her up to applaud her but she's gone#like how the von trapp family left in the sound of music#but with less n*zis and more 'shes living her best life in an old mansion with a big garden'#anyway thanks 4 reading im obsessed with this theme/topic at the moment#1k
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part 3 of second choice ; ceo!shoto todoroki x gn!reader (x ceo!katsuki bakugo) (1617 words)
part 1. part 2. (previous) part 4.
tw ; angst, arranged marriage, toxic relationship, degradation, divorce, mention of alcohol, bad language, slightly suggestive ?
EXTRA INFOS ;; all the characters are aged up obviously (they are 30 here), the point of view of this third part is from shoto todoroki !
confrontation. [7 : 16 pm]
a week has passed since he came home that night drunk. that he had begged momo to stay with him. that he had accidentally seen those divorce papers crumpled by your hands.
momo had seen them too that night, and yet she and shoto had not commented on them. good, he wasn't in the mood anyway.
it had become almost official, even the media had it on their front pages. "one of japan's richest couples on the verge of divorce?", "billionaire todoroki single again?" "y/n, will the heir.ess of their father's company return to being a lawyer?"
he would have liked to say that he cared what you thought about it. if you cried, screamed, were you hurt ? but that would be lying, you were the least of his worries.
and then, wasn't it what he wanted from the beginning ?
that you would end up hating him so much that you would leave him. that he could finally be free of the weight that you represented every day.
and yet his signature was still missing.
"you can't even love your partner properly, and now i hear through the media that a divorce is on the way ? you're pathetic son. i knew i should have married them to touya. " enji's heart-attack voice echoed terribly through the phone, which made shoto sigh. he was even pretty sure he could hear it from across town.
"calm down." shoto said in an annoyed tone. "your marriage isn't a success either, so keep your remarks to yourself. bye. "
"you idiot, don't you dare hanging up on me. i don't care if you can't satisfy your s/o, i don't care if they feel bad about this arranged marriage either. but y/n y/l/n comes from a very famous lawyer's family, so get a divorce and the amount of money you have to give will be huge. "
"i manage them, it will not be a problem. i have to go now. "
the young man finally returned to your room, looking exhausted, his tie loosened and ready to down a few glasses of whiskey.
however, he was surprised to see you. dressed in a beautiful versace dress/suit, you were glowing. well no, he meant that you looked... good.
though, it was the first time he took the time to look at you. to admire you.
the young man finally met your indifferent gaze through the mirror you were standing in front of. that gaze that was so joyful and sparkling at the beginning of your marriage, full of hope to transform this purely financial union into a love marriage.
but that look, devoid of emotion, almost made shoto, Japan's most ambitious ceo, doubt himself. almost.
"i'm surprised you're still using my card to splurge. how much is this one? $1000 ? $2000 ?"
he was tired, exhausted. nut the truth is he was in the mood to be a pain in the ass tonight.
"$ 8,330. plus the $800 pair. " you replied coldly.
your answer was like a slap in the face to your husband. not because of the price, he didn't give a fuck about this.
but this tone right there. it wasn't like you. you were normally so gentle, patient even with the worst of the crap he put you through. that naive kindness that made him want to vomit was completely gone. he didn't expect such a turn of events.
"so you decide to divorce me, but first you want to empty my bank account? you're exactly as I imagined." his look that used to reflect nothing but fatigue was now full of contempt for you.
you finally faced him. shit, he couldn't help but find you beautiful.
"here todoroki, let's talk about the divorce. " you began, quietly walking over to the cabinet and pulling out a stack of documents. "i've signed it, sign it, and i'll take it to my lawyers first thing in the morning.
he snatched them out of your hand and threw them across the room. you didn't even flinch, you even held his gaze. poker face.
a loud silence fell between you. a long silence, uncomfortable and comfortable at the same time. heavy and light. sensible and meaningless.
"what's all this about ? who put you up to this ?"
a wry laugh escaped your lips. your new behavior puzzled shoto. he loved and hated what he had in front of him. a challenge.
"you think i need someone to make me realize that i deserve better than an asshole like you ? fuck, let me laugh. "
your hand went to retrieve a piece of paper from your purse. and it was slammed hard against his chest. bakugou’s business card.
he found your face inches from his, your warm breath gently caressing his cheeks. a scent of whiskey filled his nostrils. you were not sober.
"how many drinks are you on? " he asked quietly.
"so now do you care if i downed a whole bottle or not ? oh please shut up. because now that you mention it, your friend bakugou katsuki may have hired me. to be his company's business lawyer. isn't that funny? "
you turned your back on him, unaware of the state you'd put him in. but damn, it was like he'd just been slapped in the face. nausea took over his whole body, his legs became heavy and weak in few seconds only. and he knew damn well it wasn't fatigue.
so you were leaving him, but on top of that you were going to work for his number one competitor ?
he didn't know what hurt more, the knowledge that bakugo had won one of the most competent lawyers in the field or that you were leaving him for him ? was he jealous ? surely not, it was another feeling that repulsed him. he didn't even know.
"have you lost your tongue todoroki ?"
todoroki ? since when did you call him by his last name ? where are the darlings or my heart that used to annoy him so much ?
you finish getting ready, now wearing your long jacket. he had lost his tongue indeed, he didn't know what to say to you. what to do.
y/n y/l/n, you had succeeded in putting your husband to the wall.
but it was only for a moment. he quickly, too quickly, pulled himself together. his usual irritated expression returned.
"you don't see that he's using you to get ahead of me ? i thought you were smarter than that. "
he took a step forward, slowly but surely. like a predator approaching its prey.
"he doesn't care about you. just like no one has ever cared about you, not me, not him and not your bourgeois family. that's why they put you in a loveless marriage so easily. "
a mirthless laugh escaped from his lips.
"y/n, this bastard doesn't give a damn about you. "
you tried to move towards him, ready to slap him, but the alcohol made you capsize and stumble on your carpet. he arrived just in time to support you with his muscular arms. an annoyed sigh resounded in the large room when your sob reached his ears.
nevertheless, a petty smile stretched his lips. there you were again, the fragile and unassertive y/n finally in his arms.
that bakugo had managed to turn your brain inside out. yet shoto knew you better than anyone else. he knew you. better than you knew yourself. you were that puzzle he had managed to decipher long ago.
"that's not true. kacchan wouldn't do that...", you whisper.
"you know i'm right, sweetheart. you know i'm the only one who's honest with you. my love for you is all you need. "
his muscular hand gradually, peacefully, came to caress your back to take off the buttons of your dress. his lips came to meet yours, to draw you into a long, languid, unsentimental kiss. your lips asked for more, your whole soul asked for more of shoto. more of this man for whom your heart never stopped beating. even if his was vibrating for another woman.
you wanted to feel his lips making love to you sensually, sincerely.
you just wanted him to love you for one night. one fucking night.
shoto was ecstatic. he could already see himself opening a bottle of champagne with his father, to celebrate the divorce that would never happen. tonight, shoto had brought out his best acting skills. millions were at stake. he had brought out his best kiss. he had never touched you like that. so gently, so carefully.
he had never called you by any affectionate nickname.
he has done too much to keep you around.
and you were drunk, not stupid.
you finally stood up, moving away from him, reluctantly. nothing he said was true. from his love for you, to his accusations against katsuki.
awkwardly, you put your dress/suit back on properly.
"i have a meeting with my future employer mr. bakugou tonight. i'll be late. don't wait for me, i'll sleep at the hotel tonight, with your card. "
a red color came to his cheeks. anger ? sadness ? jealousy ?
he had never seen you so determined, so proud. and that attracted him. he was going to lose millions, no matter what. but it was you who was going to escape him. for that bastard bakugou katsuki.
the nice little y/n was no longer shoto todoroki's.
AHHH omg sorry sorry i told you i can't do a fluffy end!! >< (comments and reblogs are appreciated <3)
🔖 tag list ; @nveusii @angelofthorr @missmolliemoo @jazzylove @loki-an-idiot @deepestranchgoopdeputy @mhasimp666 @shotorozu @chscklvr @devilsbooksworld @marshmallow12345 (ones in bold cannot be tagged)
#bnha scenarios#bnha x reader#shoto todoroki x reader#todoroki shoto x you#todoroki shoto x reader#shoto x y/n#shoto todoroki x you#shoto x you#shoto x reader#todoroki x you#todoroki x y/n#todoroki x reader#shoto todoroki angst#bnha shoto#bakugou x reader#bakugo x self insert#bakugo x reader#bakugou x you#bakugo katsuki x reader#katsuki x reader#katsuki x y/n#katsuki bakugo x reader#katsuki bakugo x y/n#bakugou katsuki
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Never Ready (part 2)
Summary: “It’s not like I’m ready to take her in.”
“And I was ready for you? Kid, nobody is ever ready for things like this. That doesn’t mean they don’t happen.” Levi is faced with the difficult decision of taking in his newly orphaned cousin. But he can't do it alone.You're a newly graduated college student looking to make some extra cash, but get more than you originally bargained for...
Word Count: 4.6K
AN: Sorry for the long wait, I've been very busy this summer but I'm trying to keep writing! Thanks for sticking around you guys :)
find part 1 here
--
Levi woke up early, as usual, however, he skipped his usual workout in favor of deep cleaning the house for the third time this week. Just as he was putting his broom back into the closet when the doorbell rang. He anxiously smoothed out his cotton dress shirt, tugging at the seam as he tried to tuck it into his pants.
“Hello-” His shoulders slumped when he found a young suburban housewife on the other side of the door instead of the gloomy social worker.
“Oh hi there! So sorry that it’s taken me so long but…” She held out a bottle of red wine with a neat ribbon tied around the neck.
“You didn’t have to,” Levi answered tensely as she beamed politely at him.
“I know but...it just felt like the right thing to do.” She shrugged, her strawberry blonde hair swaying, the strands just barely touched her shoulders.
“Well...thank you.” He thanked her, hoping that she would take the hint that this was a bad thing.
“No worries! By the way, my name is Petra, my husband and I live across the street.” She gabbed her thumb towards the house across from his.
“I’m Levi, nice to meet you.” He said, fighting to keep from grinding his teeth. It wasn’t that this woman was in the wrong, no it was simply the timing of her gesture. He was already on edge and he was never a fan of new people.
“Nice to meet you too! If you’re ever interested, we have a book club and-”
“Look, I appreciate the gesture but this isn’t the best time.” Levi cut her off and he felt a small pang of guilt at the way her expression dropped.
“Oh no of course! Anyway, you know where to find me.” She chuckled anxiously as she began her hasty retreat. It couldn’t have been soon enough, because a silver honda accord pulled into his driveway. Levi swallowed thickly as he watched Michelle climb out of her car and brave the icy sidewalk.
“Hope I’m not interrupting anything.” She said curtly as she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and waited for Levi to step aside. When she crossed the threshold, he shut and locked the door behind her. She immediately began checking out the front room and the living room. The house had a nice open floorplan, so the first thing that anyone saw when entering was the living room and kitchen.
“Not at all,” Levi responded as she slowly wandered into the kitchen. He followed helplessly behind her as she began jotting notes down on a clipboard.
“Well, I must say that I am impressed with the hast you made these arrangements.” She complimented as she paced down the hallway, poking her head into the room that Levi had prepared for Mikasa.
“I don’t like to leave projects unfinished.” He responded as he waited in the doorway.
“Admirable.” She scribbled a quick note before finding her way back into the kitchen. Levi chewed the inside of his cheek as he waited with bated breath for her next words.
“Everything seems in great condition here. I don’t see any reason that she can’t move in by Monday.” She placed her clipboard on the counter and faced him with a tense smile.
“Monday?” Levi couldn’t hide the nerves in his tone and she smiled genuinely.
“Of course, we try to keep kids out of the homes as much as possible. Have you figured out what you wish to do for child care?” She moved seamlessly onto the next topic and Levi nodded, motioning for her to take a seat at the island.
“Uh, there’s a daycare that I was looking at. I’m also looking for a nanny.” Levi said as she settled into her seat and he sat a chair away from her.
“Excellent, my only concern with the daycare is that she has been attending the same one for some time now. It’s not far from here, I would highly encourage that you keep that the same.” She went back to her clipboard, jotting down some more notes as Levi contemplated what she had said.
“Makes sense.” He mumbled as she placed her pen down with a soft sigh.
“I got to say, I’m very grateful for your enthusiasm with this, makes my job a lot easier.” She smiled at him and Levi nodded curtly.
“Anyway, I’ll drop her off Monday morning, I believe that her current foster family uses the same daycare that she’s attending, Carla is the mom’s name. She’s made it clear that she is more than willing to lend a hand if ever needed.” Michelle jotted down a number on a scrap piece of paper and slid it across the counter to Levi who blinked stupidly down at her chicken scratch.
“That’s all I need from you.” Michelle stood and gathered her things, Levi trailed behind her to the front door and watched her leave. It was already Thursday, meaning he had less than five full days to finish preparing for Mikasa’s arrival. He felt like a tortured spirit in his own home, wandering the halls hallowly, he had never lived in such a large space. Not that his past homes had been small, but rather, he had always lived with someone.
Kenny and he had shared a small trailer all through his elementary years and well into his high school years. Then in college, he had roomed with Erwin and Mike, first in the dorms and then in shitty apartments. But now, he was alone. At least it was only for a few more days, but could you really count a four-year-old as company?
He found himself once again outside of the empty room, standing right on the threshold. The mere sight of the room made his stomach sink, from the subtle baby pink comforter to the dresser that was filled with tiny clothes. He turned and shut the door softly before marching back into the living room. The mid-afternoon sun was drifting in through the front windows and he pinched the bridge of his nose.
His phone rang obnoxiously and he scrambled to dig it out of his pocket. Hange’s contact lit up his screen and he inhaled sharply, preparing himself for whatever it was that Hange found important enough to share with him at one pm on a Thursday.
“Levi, is this a good time?” That was his first red flag, Hange was never considerate of his time when she called.
“It’s fine why?” He sighed as he began pacing the length of his living room.
“Well, I’ve got excellent news.” Hange couldn’t contain the excitement in her voice.
“What is it?” He encouraged her and she let out a muted squeal.
“I’ve found the perfect nanny for you! She just graduated last semester, I’ll send you her contact info.” Levi felt a small weight lift off of his chest, even though it wasn’t set in stone, at least he was making headway.
“She’s done this before, ever since she was a senior in high school actually. She told me over lunch that her usual employer doesn’t need her anymore so she’s on the hunt for a job!” Hange babbled on and Levi nodded along as he dropped onto the leather sofa.
“Got it thank you.” He confirmed as the ping of her sending the contact info came through his phone.
“Have her over for dinner, or maybe go out for tea. Ask her some questions and I’m sure you’ll find her more than qualified. She has no commitments so I bet if you can make her like you, then she’ll stick around for a while.” Hange chuckled deviously and Levi clicked his tongue.
“I have no idea what criteria I even have to look at to see if she’s qualified.” Levi scoffed and Hange snorted.
“Mikasa’s four years old, she has school and such, I mean as far as I’m concerned your nanny just needs to be able to drive and cook.” Hange shrugged as she flipped through her lesson planner.
“There’s got to be more than just that.” Levi bit the skin on his knuckle as he began wracking his brain for what makes a good nanny.
“Sure there is, I’m just brainstorming.” Hange chuckled and Levi rolled his eyes.
“I’ll make a list.” He concluded and Hange hummed her agreement.
“That’s a great idea, I mean in the end she’s going to be working for you so just put down qualities that you think make a good worker. Or something.” Hange seemed rather indifferent and Levi felt his jaw tick in annoyance.
“Right, well thanks.”
“No problem, catch ya later!” And with that, she hung up.
--
Levi stood outside of the coffee shop. He snuck one last glance at the shortlist that he had made. His brow creased when he read through it, the first point he had put down was: in-state driver’s license. Closely followed by good hygiene. Frustration bubbled into his chest as he wadded the paper up and shoved it deep into his pocket. He finally pushed through the door and approached the familiar counter. He ordered his usual and went to sit in one of the secluded booths in the back.
He had arrived a good ten minutes early, hoping to gather himself before meeting the nanny. As he watched the steam rise off of his cup of tea he savored the few moments of silence. That was until the bell on the door chimed. He knew it was you, Hange had described you in-depth when he had told her he reached out to you that evening she sent your contact.
Your hair was pulled back off of your face in a half up half down style. You wore a pair of fitted jeans and a knitted sweater. Levi watched you as you ordered your drink, you seemed so sure of yourself, the way your shoulders were pulled back and your jaw set in determination. Already off to a good start and he hadn’t even heard you speak. Levi watched you grab your drink before doing a half-turn, eyes scanning the small cafe. They landed on him and Levi knew he’d been caught staring. He did a small tilt of his head, inviting you to join him, you smiled warmly and took quick steps in his direction.
Levi stood and extended his hand to you, which you accepted with a firm handshake.
“You must be Mr. Ackerman.” Your voice was smooth and honeyed, immediately putting him at ease.
“Levi is fine.” He said as he sat back down in the booth. You slid down into the seat opposite of him, clutching your purse in your lap.
“I understand that you have some...experience.” Levi started a bit awkwardly. You nodded eagerly and pulled out a folded piece of paper.
“Of course, in the past, it’s mostly been under the table, but we can work around that of course.” Levi examined the typed-out document. A resume of your past jobs and a few recommendations from past employers.
“Under the table is fine…” He mumbled as he thumbed through the pages.
“So, Hange told me a bit about your...unique situation.” You pressed and Levi stilled in his motions.
“What’d she tell you?” He asked, grey eyes boring into you from over the tops of the papers.
“Just that you were a new parent and you needed a hand. Takes a village you know.” You chuckled a bit tensely and Levi felt some tension leave his shoulders. At least Hange had given him the liberty of explaining himself.
“She’s not wrong, I’ve taken custody of my distant cousin, I know nothing about child-rearing,” Levi admitted point blank and you weren’t sure if he was kidding or not. When his expression remained as cold as stone, you realized that he was in fact not.
“I see...I’ll admit that I don’t have much experience with...well stuff like this either.” You smiled at him in an attempt to diffuse the tension between the two of you. Levi’s eyes narrowed and he reclined back into the booth, eyes never leaving yours.
“We’ll just come up with it as we go.”
“So you’re set on me as your nanny?” You beamed and he scowled, although you were right. Levi knew from the moment he shook your hand that he would choose you.
“Yes, Mikasa arrives on Monday and I expect you to be there when she does.” Levi scoffed, lifting his teacup by the rim and taking a long sip.
“Be where exactly?” You were getting smart, something that simultaneously annoyed and intrigued him.
“My house, I’ll send you the address the day before,” Levi answered with a roll of his eyes.
“Sounds perfect.” You hummed, lifting your coffee cup to your own lips.
“What are my hours going to be?” You asked as you placed your cup back onto the tabletop.
“Mikasa goes to half days at preschool, so I’ll need you to drop her off and pick her up from that. She needs to be dropped off at eight am and picked up at noon.” Levi tapped his finger on the rim of his cup and you nodded.
“I can do that, so I’ll fix all three meals then?” You asked and Levi felt a tinge of guilt. He knew that he wasn’t completely prepared to be a parent, but he still felt ashamed for seeking help. Kenny had raised him to be independent. It had taken so much to reach out to Hange, and now he was relying on a strange young woman.
“Yes, that’s preferred. I don’t have any rules besides keeping the house spotless.” His finger was planted on the tabletop now to emphasize the importance of his only rule. You nodded in understanding.
“You can set the boundaries for Mikasa, I trust that you have enough experience in this area.” Levi continued and you tensed. Never had you ever had so much responsibility riding on a nanny position. Your employers set the rules and you enforced them, but now you were expected to be both parties. But when Levi slid a paper across the table your eyes widened. On the notepad was a range of wages that he was willing to pay. You struggled to contain your shock as you clutched the paper.
“T-This is way too much.” You squeaked as you pushed the paper back to Levi.
“Seems reasonable to me.” He shrugged and you felt your face flush.
“Well...it’s your money after all.” You reasoned as you grappled internally to regain your composure.
“But if at any time and for any reason you need to lower it that’s fine too.” You waved your hands in front of you and Levi’s brows pinched together.
“Don’t worry about it.” He assured you and set his empty cup aside.
“Was there anything else you wanted to cover?” You asked, sneaking a glance at your watch.
“That’s all from me, I’ll text you my address and get you set up to pick up and drop off with the school,” Levi said as he pulled his coat on over his shoulders. Your cup was still full so you remained seated as you watched him straighten the fabric of his jacket.
“Alright, see you Monday morning then.” You said as he marched towards the door, his posture rigid. As soon as he disappeared through the door, the doubt swirled in your chest. You had never worked this many hours and the added pressure of Mikasa coming from a traumatic past made you uneasier. But you weren’t one to shy away from a challenge, you pulled your phone out and began to dive headfirst into the internet. After about twenty minutes of scrolling through countless tabs and foster parent forums, you felt at least somewhat prepared.
You ended up ordering three more cups of coffee, by the time you were halfway through your third cup, your hands shook as you held your phone. The screen was beginning to put a strain on your eyes as you squinted at the black font. With a heavy sigh, you placed your phone screen down on the table and tossed your head back against the booth’s cushion. After a few deep breaths, you collected your things and made your way out into the chilly air, determined to continue gathering information and preparing yourself for the task at hand.
--
Levi did some research of his own that afternoon. Sitting in his desk chair, he clicked through tabs, a simple google search had shown him your Instagram. He had been relieved to find it public, your page seemed average, nothing too out of the ordinary. But he was disappointed to find it rather small, with not a lot of posts or followers. It seemed that you, like himself, were not too fond of posting every small movement that you made for the world to see. In fact, your most recent post was from almost a full year ago, right around spring break. The post was a compilation of photos you had taken on a biology trip that Hange had organized. He closed the tab and pulled up a new one, the official website for the daycare that Mikasa had been attending. He found the phone number and dialed it into his keypad on his phone. He needed to register you as one of Mikasa’s emergency contacts and as her primary source of transportation.
The process was easy and he was relieved to be able to check it off of his list so he could at least attempt and get some of his work done. He needed to savor these last few child-free days before Mikasa became a permanent and very prominent factor in his life.
__
As promised, Levi sent you a text with nothing but his address and the time he expected you there the next morning. Your sleep that night was fitful, tossing and turning well into the early hours. You only ended up sleeping a grand total of six hours before having to get up and get ready for your first day of work. You sifted through your closet in search of an appropriate outfit, as badly as you wanted to wear a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, you knew Levi would likely frown upon it.
So you ended up choosing a plush sweater and a pair of jeans. Pleased with your appearance, you then left your small apartment and made the twenty-minute drive out to the suburbs where Levi was located. The roads were icy the sky was dark with promises of more snow, by the time you had arrived a few fat flakes were already dwindling from the sky. You parked on the side of the road, careful to not block his mailbox, and trudged up the slick driveway and up to the front door. It only took one soft knock for him to pull the door open. He was as handsome as you remembered, his hair was damp from a shower and his hands were busy as he finished tying his tie. He stepped aside and walked back into his house as you kicked the snow off of your shoes.
The space was remarkably clean considering a single man occupied the space. Levi gestured vaguely with his head for you to follow him into the kitchen and you obliged. He pulled out a neon green piece of paper and handed it to you, Mikasa’s name was written in stark penmanship.
“That’s your tag to pick her up, don’t forget it.” He said as he shoved a set of keys into his back pocket.
“Is she here?” Your voice was hushed and your eyes strayed to the hallway which was dark.
“Not yet, the service worker should be here any minute now,” Levi said as he folded his collar down over his tie and finally turned to face you.
“Oh, alright. So what time are you usually off of work?” You asked, setting your purse on the island in the kitchen. Levi sighed and licked his lips thoughtfully.
“Depends...I normally stay late but technically my workday ends at 5:30 but I probably will be at least an hour later than that.” Levi said and you nodded along in understanding.
“That’s not a problem, do you have any idea of what time Mikasa goes to sleep at?” You asked, and judging by the way his shoulders tensed up, he did not.
“Not a clue, but I’ll ask the social worker.” He assured you and you nodded, allowing your eyes to scan over the kitchen. The marble countertops were so white and obviously well kept, you knew that they would give you grief, the oven and microwave looked fancy, as did the fridge. As Levi reached up for a cup from one of the deep navy cupboards, you noted that they were the kind that shut quietly. Your staring was interrupted by the shrill ring of the doorbell. Levi sat his cup aside and walked briskly back towards the front door.
“Good morning Mr. Ackerman, may we come in?” An unfamiliar voice could be heard, followed closely by the sound of two new sets of footsteps on the hardwood floors.
“Of course.” Levi’s voice was even lower and harder to make out as the newcomers shuffled in. They rounded the corner and your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest when your eyes landed on the small girl. She wore a white dress paired with a pink cardigan and a scarlet scarf. The older woman helped Mikasa out of her plush pink coat and draped it over her forearm.
“Who is this?” The woman asked, eyes slightly widened as they landed on you.
“This is (Y/n), my nanny,” Levi said vaguely and the woman nodded slowly before gently pushing Mikasa out from behind her legs.
“Honey, why don’t we go take a look at your new room?” The woman asked and the girl’s brows knitted together, but she let the social worker guide her down the hall and out of sight. Levi tailed behind them, you almost followed as well, but you feared overwhelming her. Levi hauled the small suitcase down the hall and you heard the soft chatter of the two adults. A few moments passed before they returned, the social worker shook Levi’s hand and knelt down to give Mikasa a tender hug.
“We’ll be in touch.” She promised as she showed herself out. Levi’s shoulders drooped once the woman left and he looked down at the small girl who stood near his side.
“Mikasa,” He cleared his throat and the small girl looked up at him, eyes swimming with tears and lip quivering. A rush of panic flooded his chest but you were quicker than he was.
“Mikasa, my name is (Y/n), we’re going to be spending a lot of time together.” You had crossed the room to kneel before her with your hand outstretched invitingly. The girl gripped the edge of her dress and swayed it anxiously as she avoided your eyes.
“I know this is really scary and confusing, but we’re going to work through this together.” You assured her when she remained closed off. Levi watched with wide eyes as tears slid down her face and rolled off her chin. You leaned forward and swiped them away with your thumb and Mikasa whimpered unsurely.
“Tell you what, I was just about to make some breakfast. Have you eaten yet?” You asked, after a moment of contemplation, Mikasa shook her head no shyly.
“What would you like? I’ve been told that I make a mean waffle.” You smiled wryly and Mikasa’s lip quivered as it quirked up in an unsure smile.
“I wanna make cinnamon rolls.” She spoke softly and you nodded with wide eager eyes.
“Totally.” You agreed, still holding your hand out as you slowly stood. Mikasa accepted your outstretched, her small hand was easily enveloped in your own as you led her around the island.
“Hey Levi, how much time before you’ve got to leave?” You asked as you stopped to hoist Mikasa up onto the counter.
“About 30 minutes.” He said, trying to contain himself from scolding you for putting the child onto the counter.
“Want to help us?” You invited and Levi sighed, knowing it would be wrong to decline.
“I don’t have cinnamon rolls.” He said instead of answering the original question.
“Oh that’s not a problem. Do you have flour? Yeast, eggs?” You asked as you turned and began rummaging through the cabinets.
“Of course, I’m not an animal.” He scoffed and you chuckled as you pulled out a bag of flour.
“That’s all we need.” You sat the bag next to Mikasa who reached out and touched it experimentally. Next you pulled out the carton of eggs from the fridge, Mikasa opened the carton and gently held an egg. Levi could easily imagine her losing her grip and dropping the egg onto his freshly cleaned wood floors.
“Where’s your cinnamon?” You asked, back turned and arms outstretched as you held the cabinet open.
“Here.” Levi slid past you, opening the neighboring cabinet and held the spice out to you. With a smile you accepted it and added the container to the growing pile of ingredients.
“How long does this take?” Levi asked, glancing at his watch.
“Not 30 minutes.” You answered wryly as you handed Mikasa a wooden spoon, she accepted it happily. Her small hands wrapped around the handle and she placed the spoon against her cheek, basically hugging the utensil.
“What else do you need?” He asked as you perused his kitchen.
“Just yeast and sugar.” You answered as you crouched to look for a bowl.
“It’s over here.” He opened a cabinet near the one you were inspecting and pulled out a bag of sugar and a handful of yeast packets.
“Do you cook a lot?” You asked and he shrugged.
“Enough, I hate eating out.” He answered and you hummed in understanding.
Levi watched as you began making the dough and Mikasa leaned on your shoulder as you kneaded the dough. Her grey eyes widened when you motioned for her to join in. She poked the dough and you smiled as she splayed her small hands over the surface of the squishy dough.
Once again, all Levi could think about how dirty her hands were as she began kneading the dough as you had previously.
“That’s great! Now we can let it sit for a while before we roll them up!” You explained as you gathered the dough back up into the bowl and laid a kitchen towel over it.
“Want an apple while we wait?” You asked and Mikasa nodded enthusiastically as you turned to grab the fruit. Levi looked at his watch once more, he still had about 10 minutes before he had to leave. But he felt the pressure and reality of his newfound responsibility weighing heavy on his chest. So he went to get his shoes and retreat like the coward he was.
“Leaving?” You asked as he pulled his shoes on, you had already cut the apple and Mikasa was watching with curious eyes as she crunched on a slice.
“Yeah, I’ll be back before 8.” He promised and you nodded.
“See you then.” You called after him as he slipped out of the garage door, throwing up a careless wave of acknowledgment as he went. You then turned back to Mikasa and sighed exasperatedly and she giggled as you returned to making her breakfast. This was going to be a long day.
#levi snk#levi attack on titan#levi x fem!reader#levi x nanny!reader#levi x reader insert#levi x reader#levi akerman#levi ackerman x reader#levi x y/n#levi ackerman fanfiction#levi ackerman x you#hange zoe#aot fanfiction#aot fandom#attack on titan mikasa#mikasa ackerman#nanny au#modern au
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