#emotional disregulation
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rsd is absolutely insane because it will feel like someone is tearing apart the very core of my being, insulting everything i have done and will ever do, condemning me to death and simultaneously wishing i was never born, when actually they just didn’t like a song i showed them
#rsd#rejection sensitive dysphoria#rejection sensitivity#adhd#actually adhd#neurodivergent#actually neurodivergent#emotional disregulation#👁🗨#🌀
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Hating everything about existing so bad that I can practically hear my soul tantruming like an angry child
#bpd safe#bpd thoughts#emotional disregulation#emotional distress#bpd rage#bpd problems#mental illness#cluster b#the hare ensnared#the hare declares#substance abuse#bpd
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#alexithymia#actually autistic#autism#autistic#emotional disregulation#emotions#emotion#mental health#anger#asd#overwhelmed
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I have a question:
I have diagnosed ADHD, but looking back, now that I know a lot more about neurodivergencies in general, I've always showed symptoms of hyperempathy. I struggle a lot with comfort shows and comfort characters because I put myself in their struggles, and work myself into anxiety attacks when they are suffering. I also struggle constantly with overwhelming love I feel for my comfort characters. So much love it actually hurts me. But normally hyperempathy is associated to autism.
Now I'm wondering: Can my hyperempathy be a symptom of my ADHD?
Sent Jan ‘22~
Yes! We have issues with emotional regulation, which means we can feel things a lot stronger (or a lot weaker) than others. This includes feeling stronger second hand embarrassment from tv shows, or feeling like a fictional character’s breakup hurts as badly as our own.
#adhd#autism#adhd mood#actuallyadhd#actually adhd#actuallyautistic#living with adhd#emotional disregulation#emotional dysregulation#emotional regulation#ninaneedsmusic
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every day i am filled w rage at the knowledge that in the mainstream, adhd is rarely seen as the life-ruining disability it is
#adhd#like it's not just poor memory and distraction#literally every executive function doesn't work correctly#no sense of time#no internal motivation#emotional disregulation#lowkey always depressed#fatigued#sensory issues#inability to self-acess like idk if im sad or tired or hungry ever#idk what im feeling emotionally or physically half the time#sensory processing issues which also bleed into poor memory#bc you can't process audio at normal speed so you can't commit spoken instructions to memory#predisposition to addiction#poor self control#poor money management#it's like the recipie for failure at life
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I'm willing to deal with any amount of pain as long as my silence keeps the people I love from being hurt
#private ramblings#if they don't know i can't fuck things up too bad#i'm missing my tools to release the stress#gods i wish i could turn back time#i regret this one choice#anxious attachment#emotional disregulation#mental health#mentally fucked#i'm probably toxic as hell
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*Funny story, I'm NOT a hypochondriac. I don't constantly diagnose myself with vanishingly rare diseases. Instead, about once a decade, I diagnose myself with something I turn out, after checking in with medical professionals, to actually have. I'm pretty sure the next of is RSD, so, uh, thanks also for putting that and the discussion surrounding it on your blog? Now I can point to my therapist and say, "THIS," instead of flailing around wildly trying to hit brain weasels. (2/2)
Anon, I think this might be a footnote to another ask, but if so the other ask did not show up...sorry about that.
I do kind of think "Every decade or so, something comes up and I have to check in with medical professionals who agree with me" is in many ways kind of like life...admittedly I didn't expect my forties to be the decade of ADHD (my thirties were the decade of the gallbladder) but it kinda does demonstrate the point :D
And remember, while I am learning a great deal, I'm nowhere near as trained as your therapist -- make sure you're listening to them about these things as well!
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I fucking HATE being insecure. I hate it so much. Every time a friend doesn't talk to us for a while, we get paralyzed by the fear that we're going to lose them just like we constantly lose Everything else. I hate being an insecure and anxious person. I hate having an insecure attachment style.
I fucking hate being the holder for all of our fucked up, disgusting thoughts. I hate being the one who fronts when the brain is doing the depression thing again. I hate being what I am I hate who we are as a person I fucking hate it.
I hate being like this. I hate that we're so downright terrified of losing people that it makes us lash out at them. I hate it especially when we lose a friend we've had minor falling outs with in the past, going to their blogs to see if they're online and finding them posting shit like "I love getting annoying bitches removed from servers" when just the other day they'd defended us to someone. I hate that when we see posts like that, something inside me aches. Something inside this body starts to grow sore and heavy with the reality that we aren't a likeable person and we are probably going to lose all the friends we have eventually because we always do. It always happens.
I hate that we've stopped trying to communicate and ask if something is about us, because when we get told "no" we feel stupid for asking. I hate that Insecurity pumps through our veins almost as easily as blood does. I hate that we're naturally a sensitive person. I hate that we're always seeking affection or even just kindness from people. I hate than we're so harsh sometimes. I hate being like this. I hate being this kind of person but I cant- I can't change. No amount of therapy or healing will change the fact that we at the core of whatever kind of being we happen to be, are damaged.
It hurts.
It hurts so fucking bad.
I just want to be loved without feeling like I am begging for it.
Everything I've ever touched, ever breathed on has come out burned or broken. We break everything we touch. We are not a gentle soul.
But we could be.
These hands of mine are coating in the blood of all the lives I've killed, all the versions of myself I've slaughtered in attempts to become something better.
This body is damaged. I am tired.
I want my mom. I want to be held.
I want to be told I am loved regardless of the gruesome damage I carry like a badge of honor.
I want to be loved despite the demons that lay beneath this pale flesh of mine.
I want to be able to not speak to someone for a bit and not think "they probably hate my guts". I want to be able to say something, and not rethink it a thousand times after.
I want to be able to maintain a friendship more than just online. I want real friends. I want someone who will walk through the darkness of my mind, find me where I am most damaged, and hold that part of me up to the light and not even flinch.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I say I'm sorry at lot because at the end of the day, I really am sorry. Sorry that I made you deal with me, sorry that I was even in your life, sorry that I exist.
I know. Just because I did not mean to be cruel, does not mean I was kind.
I am like a broken gas stove. Slowly leaking into the air, building up in your nose and your chest until it takes one spark, and suddenly I am a burning fire that isn't going out. I cry gasoline and breathe the flames like they are my own children.
My palms are calloused from gripping things so tight that they crumble in my hands.
My knuckles are bruised from punching the walls my own mind built to keep me from losing myself even more.
My mind is filled with smokey memories that slide through my fingertips like sand.
And my soul is dark. And it is fractured. And it is barely holding on.
But you liked me. At least for a little while. For a fleeting moment you and I connected. We bonded. Our souls saw one another and found something worth keeping around.
And I will cherish that. Even if it's dwindling, even though the flame is getting smaller and heat is decreasing, I will cherish that.
#💚#cavalry speaks#venting#vent posting#vent post#rambling#repitition#tw repetition#repeating words#mild venting#not artistry#not fandom#alter venting#emotional disregulation#emotional distress#processing emotions#cursing#cw cursing#tw cursing#kind of poetry#depressing thoughts#depressing shit#tw depressive thoughts#depressive thoughts#cw depressive thoughts#depression posting
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My kiddo yells at me. Mom don’t do this! So I say ok I won’t do this I am sorry I have made this horrible mistake. I am horrible! Then my kiddo screams at me not to say that! Rage at me for an hour! And then eventually, I don’t know why I am mad I am sorry! Oh kiddo I forgive you it is normal as a teenager to feel rage but not know why!
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I wish i knew why my mood varies so much. Part of it is ADHD emotional disregulation, but why is it so sensitive to... everything?
I got disappointed in my singing voice earlier, and now I feel lonely? And something else i don't have a name for?
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What ADHD's Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) Cost Me
First let’s define Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) – Having extreme emotional reactions to negative judgment (I’d say also positive judgement), exclusion, or criticism per Psychology Today. Not listed in the DSM-5, so therefore, so one can’t be officially diagnosed with RSD. My first exposure to RSD was when I did Meredith Carder’s ADHD coaching program (I highly recommend –…
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#@hummingbird_ADHD#ADD#ADHD#anxiety#depression#emotional disregulation#fear#goals#Meredith Carder#neurodivergent#neurotypical#self-compassion#self-understanding#sensitivity#women with ADHD#writing
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I love my npd mom, I know lots of narc abuse truthers lean heavily on the "narcissistic parent" as the reason why they're so spiteful but honestly it's not so awful for me.
She'll watch my emotionally unstable ass scream and cry and have a full blown meltdown and not bat an eye. Shes disgustingly honest with me all the time the woman sees no point in lying to me now. I can say whatever melodramatic, extreme emotional thought I have at that moment and she can understand that I'll be over it and not care. Her emotional permanence is zero, just like mine! We get into arguments or she'll be pissed at something but the next time she sees me it's like it never happened.
I won't lie, she's entitled, she's grandiose and arrogant, she's unempathetic and very manipulative. She's also my mother and I adore her because she loves me more than any other human does, she just does it a little different.
#npd safe#actually bpd#cluster b#mental illness#the hare declares#anti narc abuse#narc mom#emotional disregulation#low empathy
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If you think childhood trauma is easy to get past, wait a few generations.
#generational trauma#stop saying kids will get over it#unpack yours first#emotional disregulation#ptsd#complex ptsd
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experiencing confusion as a visceral emotion is so exhausting.
it creates a franticly urgent desire for understanding and clarity that i’ve found to be imposing on interpersonal interactions as well when i’m not mindful of that
this thing itches in my brain in the formation of cycling thoughts that need outlet and reception in order to soothe
i’m trying to learn to soothe myself via the concept of “radical acceptance”.
im still trying to understand that more and implement it
#black autistic#black trans autism#autism#trans autistic#autistic girl#audhd#adulting with autism#autism things#transgender autistic#neurodivergent#radical acceptance#autism confusion#confusion#emotional disregulation
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Too much a pussy to come off anon but I 100% understand your feeling guilty for not hating the "bad" thoughts.
I want to do horrible things. To others, to myself, just in general. It's usually a sign I'm mentally unwell (as in, my mental health is in a worse shape than normal) but it also happens as a result of stress sometimes.
I find writing or daydreaming helps, but I definitely also have had times where nothing seemed to help, short of punching a pillow or my partner (she's fine with this, we've worked it out, y'know)
Idk I just...like making people know they're not alone. You can delete this if you prefer.
Appreciate the empathizing <3 mine don't rly come with a "bad mental health trend" so even less do I have the excuse of "oh just having a rough one." More often than not, it's when I'm in a really *good* mood and doing well. It rarely happens, but still. Or actually. Just any mood can result in all that "bad" stuff. Too bored. Too happy. Too sad. Too angry. Too excited. Love. Hatred. Just whenever I'm emotional or bored. So, like. Almost 24/7.
#anon response#emotional disregulation#listen unlike SOME PEOPLE I KNOW I can control my actions and stuff#and emotions i can get a grip on some but not all or most of the time#but like. at least im not Them#yes im a mess who gets gore-abuse-death-otherthingsicantsay-happy whenever emotional#especially when excited#but at least i like. make the effort to be niceys#our thoughts arent us anon#tryna remind myself#badwrong thoughts and even the act of embracing or not caring about them does not make you a bad person#stapling it on my forehead
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