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ineffable-suffering · 9 months

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Aziraphale, I love you. But you lied. And here's why.

Okay. I’m not gonna beat around the bush for too long. It’s time now for me to also throw my try at a personal Good Omens Season 2 Magnum Opus into the mix of already existing magnum op..i? Opusses? (Smited? Smote?)

If I’m honest, it isn’t fully my own magnum opus, as I read this meta not too long ago that made me go: „Oh! My God! That’s it!“ And I’m pretty sure a lot of other people have clocked this too by now. Of course I’m not saying it’s the objective truth but after having mulled it over for many endless nights and days, wading through the onslaught of coffee theories, body swap theories, The Metatron re-writing the Book of Life theories and many, many more, this is the one I think is most plausible and, if you look closely, most obvious.

And it goes as such: Aziraphale lied.

To all of us. All of them. And most of all, to Crowley. He lied to him. Well, he sort of did and also sort of didn’t. He certainly didn’t tell the truth. At least not all of it. I hear you ask: “OP, what the fuck are you talking about”. I answer you: Let’s start from the top and under the cut.

(Small note: this meta ended up being way too large for Tumblr, which is why I will redirect you to an external doc at the end of the post, where I have written it all down nicely and accurately. It's about 35 digital A4-pages long, just in case you want to save it for later.)

(Word count: 12.831 | Approximate reading time: 50 minutes)

Let’s start with a short recap of what happens before the Metatron crashes the bookshop party and everything goes to shit. The proper visuals for this are in my Tumblr post but I am absolutely convinced that right up until when the Metatron comes to take Aziraphale away and talk to him, the angel is fully ready to get into Crowley’s Bentley-chariot and finally ride off into the sunset (or Alpha Centauri-set or whatever). You can see it in his face and body language. You can see when the penny drops for him that a) Crowley loves him b) he loves Crowley and c) they can finally start their happily ever after. Aziraphale realizes this all throughout said Brielzebub reveal in the bookshop. And he’s such a lost cause once he does.

I mean, look at that. Look at it. This (very shitty recording, sorry, I'm not tech-savvy enough to avoid the Amazon Prime screen recording blocker) is the very second Aziraphale realizes hat Crowley loves him. When he hears him suggest Alpha bloody Centauri as a getaway for Gabriel and Beelzebub, as Crowley has done to Aziraphale for so, so many times now. He finally understands what Crowley was trying to tell him with that all those times.

Aziraphale realizes this all throughout the Brielzebub reveal in the bookshop. And he’s such a lost cause once he does.

Right when Crowley suggest Alpha Centauri as a nice getaway spot to the two, Aziraphale looks at him and he gets it. That Crowley has loved him, has been loving him for millennia. Truthfully, they've both known that for a long while now. But there's a difference between knowing, wanting, craving and actually being able to finally have something. And that's exactly what we see on Aziraphale's face here. This is it. This is where it all starts working out for Crowley and him. This is were they can start their eternity together.

So from that second on, Aziraphale only has eyes for Crowley. He keeps physically pawing at Crowley with complete heart eyes, as if to say „Look, look, that’s gonna be us too! Finally!" He’s actually so smitten that he doesn’t even hear what Crowley is saying when he asks Shax if he can have back his apartment now because he’s sick of living in his car. (Also, what way to drop that bomb right in this moment Crowley, lmao).

Once the Metatron comes in, the first thing Aziraphale says is that they don’t need to talk because „he’s made his position quite clear“. He doesn’t even want to talk to the Metatron, because in his mind, he’s already made the choice. Actually, he made the choice way before the bookshop showdown. For starters, I’m convinced that the Jane Austen Ball actually never was for Maggie and Nina but for Crowley and him (you can read more about that here). And apart from that, for this whole season we have seen Aziraphale trying to advance his relationship with Crowley romantically and domestically and move them to the literal next base (our car!). And after everything he just witnessed with Brielzebub, the final nail in the coffin of ethereal-infernal romance being possible, his choice is absolutely crystal clear: It’s Crowley. It’s always been Crowley and it always will be Crowley. And now it can be Crowley. They can be an us.

The whole of Season 2 is such a massive learning curve for Aziraphale’s character, with him remembering all those important pivotal points of his past, and this very moment is the peak, with him not only understanding that Crowley loves him (because he certainly knew for quite some centuries now) but accepting that love, letting himself have that love, being allowed to want that love and taking that love and starting their new and final chapter with it. Nevertheless, the plot clock ticks for them. The Metatron saunters into the bookshop, evil and stinky as Metatrons do, and urges Aziraphale to come with him with his whole Take The Coffee schtick, which I will get into later. And Aziraphale, immediately sensing there’s Something Up, does. Can’t really turn down someone as high-ranking as the the voice of God, after all. Even if you were currently already planning how you were going to elope with a certain red-haired serpent of Eden.

he next time we see Aziraphale on screen, it’s so painfully evident on his face that he is neither happy nor excited. Not even the slightest bit. We’d know if he was, thanks to Mr. Michael master-of-microexpressions Sheen. None of the usual “Aziraphale is happy”-signs are there. No blinding eye-smile, no giddy wriggling, not giggles and gasps. No, when the Metatron tells Aziraphale to „go tell your friend the good news“, his expression looks like this:

I’m gonna go out on an entire limb here and say: That does not look like someone who’s absolutely tickety-boo hyped to tell his demon soulmate that he just got the juiciest promotion and that they can both be angels and live happily ever after in ethereal eternity now.

This, folks, looks like someone who knows exactly that the news he has to break right now, are going to be tickety-shit awful and very upsetting to said demon soulmate. And already, from that very short snippet of conversation, we can tell that Aziraphale isn’t really given a choice by the Metatron. Because while the Metatron does tell him that he doesn’t have to „answer right away“, he immediately follows it up by: „Go ahead and tell your friend the good news!“ Very distinct and definitive choice of words here. It’s “good news” because it’s already been decided. Because it’s already a done deal. There is no “yes, no, maybe”. This is the only choice he’s giving to Aziraphale. Because it’s ‘Coffee or death’.

And he already gave him the coffee.

***

Tumblr won't let me continue this over a certain character limit and I am not even remotely done yet – so, I feel like this is a good moment to redirect you to the continuation of this insane meta before we're in too deep. You can do so right here!

I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions about this once you've fought your way through it. Hope you have a good time with it!

#good omens #good omens s2 #good omens season 2 #good omens meta #good omens analysis #neil gaiman #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens predictions #i lost my mind writing this #it must be nice to be able to be a casual enjoyer of media #who doesnt spend 5 days writing a 22 page document on an angle and why he lied to his demon boyfriend #my own meta

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heyimdove · 6 months

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Things of Note at @neil-gaiman ‘s NJPAC talk:

1. Do you people understand that he switches into accents when he reads? Do you people know he does a perfect Michael Sheen impression? did you know it’s also hot

2. He used to cold call publishers/mags to see if they’d publish his work. He’d lie when asked what other magazines he wrote for; they’d think he was more legitimate and would, therefore, be more likely to take him on themselves. “You couldn’t get away with that now” thanks to Google. Also, back then, “we had telephones and we used them,” but today’s publishers would not easily recover if you unexpectedly called them on the phone.

3. It was a personal point of pride for Neil to write for each of the magazines he’d claimed to have written for. He said “I didn’t lie. I was chronologically challenged.”

4. Neil made a deliberate effort to not be boxed in by publishers. He’d interviewed many authors who were unhappily boxed and did everything he could to avoid it, including declining big contracts from prestigious publishers (notably after American Gods). This is why he can write what he likes now. Comics writing spoiled him in this regard, as publishers mistook the medium for a genre, and therefore didn’t care what he wrote (so he wrote all the genres he wanted to in Sandman).

5. He hates Thomas Hardy thanks to being introduced to him in school. Regarding being forced to read Tess of the D’urbervilles, he said “I wouldn’t do that to a dog”. He hopes students, who might have liked him if they found him on their own, don’t encounter his work in school and hate him for it.

6. “The evil characters (you write) don’t possess you, you try to find the little bit of you in them….the little bit of you that is gloriously evil.”

7. “I touched the magic and passed it along” this was a line from Watching from the Shadows that especially moved me.

8. Terry was increasingly upset as the bidding on Good Omens increased (eventually reaching 150,000 - can’t remember if he said $ or £). For his part, when the book finally sold, Neil put on Iggy Pop’s Success and danced.

9. Anansi Boys should be out on Prime by the end of 2024!

10. Described Sandalphon as someone you want to “hit with a large oar”. (The woman next to me, who was extremely stingy with her applause, hooted like an owl at this and clapped til the last).

11. Pronounces Amazon as “Ama-zin” and Los Angeles as “Los Angelese”. This isn’t noteworthy, but I liked it enough to write it down.

12. “Being on a beach in bare feet” was the line that led Neil to realize David Tennant would be perfect for Crowley.

13. He is pictured on the ALA’s poster holding Wind in the Willows because, as a child, “it messed up my head.” He said he is “in love” with a chapter in the middle called The Piper at the Gates of Dawn where the characters meet Pan. It’s often left out of printings, which makes him sad because it is “strange, beautiful, luminous”.

14. TOATEOTL was originally planned to go to Broadway. Then, Covid. They did a “world tour” instead. Now that it’s wrapped, talks about Broadway are happening. He says all of adaptations of his work, this is his favorite.

15. “Disney’s Aladdin plays four times a day in Hell”

16. His favorite question of the night was “WHY did you think of the Other Mother?” He was tickled by the word choice of “why”

17. Asked the library in Sussex “What have you got in the way of really good horror for four year olds?” Obviously none existed so he wrote Coraline.

18. Talked about going viral for being in a falafel, seemed to marvel at the progression of the meme’s meaning.

19. “Tumblr is its own madness”

20. “Stephen King has fabulous stories about meeting fans in toilets, including being passed a book under the stall”

21. Read “The Day the Saucers Came” which I misheard initially as Sauces. Saucers is definitely better.

22. “You want to see me doing Dickens?” I laughed inappropriately at this. I was the only one.

23. I don’t want to say what pieces he read because I want you to buy tickets to his events. But it was very nice to be read to by Neil Gaiman.

It’s very worth it to go. I flew out from San Diego for this and would do it again in a heartbeat!

#neil gaiman

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wen-kexing-apologist · 10 months

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Bengyio's Queer Cinema Syllabus

For those who are not aware, I have decided to run the gauntlet of @bengiyo’s Queer Cinema Syllabus and have officially started Unit 1: Coming of Age Post Moonlight. The films in Unit 1 are Pariah (2011), Get Real (1998), Edge of Seventeen (1998), My Own Private Idaho (1991), and Mysterious Skin (2004)

Today I will be writing about

Get Real (1998) dir. Simon Shore

[Available on: Amazon, Run Time: 1:48]

Summary: This tenderly romantic film tells the story of Steve, a young boy in secondary school, as he struggles with coming out and falling in love with John, the top athlete at school - who, amazingly, falls in love with him as well. (from IMDB)

Cast: Ben Silverstone, Steven Carter Brad Gorton, John Dixon

Alright, this is the second coming of age queer film in the Unit and I am already starting to think I need to keep an “English Teacher In The Know” tab, cause that English Teacher was acutely and politely aware that Steve was gay. I mean, he gets Steve to borrow his Dad’s camera by casually mentioning the school newspaper wants to photograph the athletic’s team, after catching said student staring out the window at the jock he is in love with. He also totally quickly glances over at that same closeted queer student after an anonymous article about being gay is put in to the school newspaper, and said English Teacher prevents that article from being printed for reasons unknown (personally, I read it as him trying to protect Steve because he figured people would realize who it was when it was published).

Anyway, I don’t have as much to say about this film as I did about Pariah, mostly because I don’t think there were quite as many layers to it. But it nevertheless resonates in extremely significant ways. There are a number of little moments, quiet moments, and playful moments that are just so recognizably queer. John’s face falling when he hears Steve say that he hasn’t told his parents that he’s gay because he doesn’t want to disappoint them. The way it reads to me as hope that he may one day be accepted himself just…melting away at the realization that Steve has known himself for years, and is internally confident and comfortable in his sexuality, and that still he hides himself from people that he loves and cares about; the “Fag?” \\ “Sorry?” \\ *offers cigarette* moment; and god, the brilliance of Steve sitting on the bench outside the bathroom he uses to secure hook ups just whispering “come out, come out, come out” until John leaves that bathroom and Steve realizes what’s up. Seriously, this moment is genius, it demonstrates the fundamental conflict between these two. John is uncomfortable with his sexuality and is terrified of being clocked.

I swear there is no one that can figure out all the secrets you are hiding about yourself better than high school bullies, and it is a testament to the queer experience that before Steve is even actually out at school, there are people pushing him around, stealing his shit, calling him “queer” and being completely spot on.

We get the Longing Gay stares across the dance floor

gif by @sobekc

We get absolute all-encompassing patience from Steve as John navigates and comes to terms with his own sexuality. As he struggles with voicing his thoughts out loud, as he continues to ignore Steve at school, skip out on time with Steve to be seen with a girl to avoid rumors. When John oversteps, when John hurts him, Steve is allowed to be rightfully upset, but he gets it.

And Steve gets it until John hits him to hide being caught together, and Steve gets it until he comes out to the whole school, and Steve gets it exactly up until the point where he knows that John is going to remain closeted, and Steve just came out, and that John was already scared of being associated with Steve in school before he was out.

Final Thoughts

“Hi” “Hi” is For The Gays. Pools are For The Gays. Sobbing in to the shoulder of the boy that you kissed on a whim because you are scared and confused is For The Gays. You know…now that I am thinking about it, I wonder if Alice Oseman drew inspiration from this film for Nick and Charlie in Heartstopper.

By, For, About?

For and About For Sure, do not have any information on the personal lives of the writer or director to determine whether or not it is by a queer person.

Favorite Moment

I love this moment for many reasons, but mostly because it is the most openly affectionate John and Steve get to be in front of other people. It is this one, blissful intersection where John is trying to make amends with Steve, he wants to do more, he is acknowledging Steve at school, they may be able to interact, and John’s very dickish friend comes running by, and John has a whole conversation while sitting atop his boyfriend’s shoulders completely unbothered for the one and only time to be seen together.

Favorite Quote

“I want to be part of a family who love me for who I am not for who I pretend to be to keep their love,”

#bengiyo queer cinema syllabus #get real #get real (1998)#get real 1998

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sirowsky-stories · 9 months

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Collision

Part 4

Description: Niki finally wakes up, but while that's a relief, Pero still has more than enough to worry about.

Warnings: Pero Tovar x OFC, no reader insert, Pero's pov, conspiracy, cursing, angst, friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, secret identity, AU fic. Rating: Mature/Explicit 18+ONLY Word Count: 5700 Series Masterlist

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Time passes slowly in exile. The following day is tedious and frustrating, filled with strained conversations and constant small arguments between Pero and Gillian. He’s grateful that she’s there, or he’d be locked to Niki’s side, terrified to leave her even for a moment, jumping at every sound, scanning the unfamiliar information from the medical equipment every five seconds. All of which would surely have driven him insane.

But his gratitude is tainted with guilt. That she’s there. That he needs her there, where danger is always present and will be for the foreseeable future. She has so many questions she wants to ask, answers she wants to demand based on what she’s overheard from his conversations on the phone. But she’s also scared to ask them, because she knows in her heart that the answers will frighten her. So, she simmers instead, which leads to discord.

However, the tension eases considerably when Niki finally wakes up for real, on the second morning after her first little stir. And she’s much stronger this time. By then it’s Friday and the nurse has started trying to avoid him whenever she can, which is why it’s Pero who’s at his friend’s side when her eyes suddenly just open. There’s no preamble, nothing to indicate that it’s about to happen. It just does.

“Niki?” he asks while he jumps to his feet, and she turns her head to look at him.

She’s wide awake. Her eyes are clear and sharp, already searching for answers. As if all this time asleep hasn’t just helped her heal but refilled her energy reserves as well.

“Where are we?” she asks through a parched throat.

“Here, take a sip of water first,” he offers, not knowing if perhaps he shouldn’t, but he decides that a little water can’t be that bad.

He raises the head-section of the bed so that she won’t choke on it, and she gratefully takes first one, then another sip. Her throat is so dry that she struggles to swallow, but it does seem to ease some of her discomfort.

“We’re at my safehouse,” he explains while he puts the glass down. “It’s in the middle of nowhere, the nearest populated area is a three-hour drive from here.”

She thinks on that for a minute, and he can see her mind working. He knows that she’s trying to go through what she can recall, piece it together and make sense of everything. He can’t actually see her do that, but he knows that she is because that’s what anyone would do. And it’s certainly what someone as sharp as her would do.

“They ran right into me… there wasn’t time to do anything…”

“I know,” he soothes, seeing her get riled up by the images inside her eyes. “Niki… I know who’s after you and why.”

Oddly enough, she doesn’t seem surprised to hear that. Which unsettles him.

“It’s about Amazon, isn’t it?” she correctly deduces, and he nods, but then her brain connects the dots. “How can you know about that?”

Strangely relieved that she’s questioning him and conceding that it’s a valid question which deserves a truthful answer, he still ducks out of it. He doesn’t want to tell her about his past. Not yet. She needs to focus her energy on healing. At least, that’s what he tells himself.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me. And if you really want to know, I’ll tell you everything… but not now. What you need to know right now is that you’re safe,” he replies, hoping that she’ll accept that for the time being, and disappointed in himself for not being able to tell her that she has nothing to worry about.

He knows her well enough to know that she will demand those answers later, but for now, she seems preoccupied with something else. Something clawing at her mind and filling her with fear.

“No…” she says, shaking her head slowly. “I’ll never be safe anymore.”

“Hey, don’t say that. I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you.”

He can see that she wants to believe him, but also that she doesn’t. She knows what she was a part of, how dangerous everything around that project was, how closely guarded it still is. She’s too smart not to know that her chances are grim.

“I’m so sorry that I ran you out of my house,” he whispers, changing the subject, relieved to finally be able to tell her that.

Her features soften then, the fear loosening its grip on her soul and allowing her to breathe a little easier.

“I knew you wouldn’t take it well. I was arguing with myself in the car on my way to see you, trying to decide if I should even tell you, or just… buy a pill and get it over with.”

He still doesn’t know how he feels about it, but he is certain that he wants the baby to be alive. For her sake, if nothing else. Whether she had wanted a child before all this, losing it under these circumstances would simply be too cruel. He doesn’t say that, though.

“You were right to tell me. You’re an honest person, that’s why I trust you,” he offers instead, and her expression warms.

Still, there’s something unreadable underneath the surface of her features. Something that isn’t a question or a concern, and yet it seems to grip her and hold her hostage.

“But you don’t love me.”

She says it like it’s already an established truth. As though they’ve talked about it before and agreed on it. But they haven’t. And to his own surprise, he isn’t sure that he agrees at all. It’s a snakelike sensation, slithering through him with powerful strokes, but also slipping from his hands as he tries to catch it and examine it further. And he feels like if he gets too close to it, it’ll wrap around his heart and squeeze it until it stops beating.

“I stole you from the hospital and all but kidnapped a nurse before driving you six hours away from the world to my most precious and closely guarded secret. If I don’t love you… then what was the point?”

The question is aimed as much at himself as it is at her, and although he can’t answer it yet, what he knows with absolute certainty, is that Nikita Morse means more to him than anyone ever has. She smiles just a little at him then, but she’s getting tired, and he wants to get Gillian in there while she’s still awake. So, he steps away from the bed and sticks his head out into the hall where she’ll hear him even if he doesn’t scream.

She comes down from the library right away, and she looks happy for the first time since he’d assaulted the Mark Wahlberg wannabe back at the ICU.

“Hi, Nikita. My name is Gillian, I’m your nurse,” she greets, to which Niki side-eyes Pero.

“The one you kidnapped?” she asks, and he just shrugs.

“It wasn’t quite like that,” the nurse counters. “I volunteered to help get you out of the hospital, but then things got… dangerous. And it became impossible for me to walk away.”

“They came after me at the hospital?”

“It looks that way, yeah. If your friend here hadn’t been there… we don’t know what might’ve happened.”

Niki’s eyes turn back to Pero, who is suddenly unable to meet her gaze. He’s not entirely sure why. Maybe because he doesn’t want any gratitude from her, when she probably wouldn’t have been in this situation if he’d just allowed her to stay that night. Or maybe because he’s scared that she won’t be grateful at all. Which really is a ridiculous thought, but it seems like fear is suddenly coating every feeling and thought he has.

Why? There seems to be no reason or logic to it. He’s never had to fight his own mind like this before, at least not that he can recall, and it’s starting to freak him out.

“But now, tell me how you’re feeling?” Gillian continues, bringing Niki’s attention back to her, at which point, he looks up again, eager to hear her answer in the hope that everything is healing as it should.

“Um, very sore along my left side. That’s where the car hit me, so that’s where the biggest damage is, right?”

“Yeah. But the side-airbags are what saved you. You were pushed into the center console rather than crushed by the driver-side door.”

“Thank goodness for modern inventions…”

“You were still lucky, though. Your lung, heart, spleen and stomach were damaged, so you were on the operating table for over five hours. The surgeon was able to repair everything, and it doesn’t seem like our less than ideal transfer of you has caused any post-op complications, which is nothing less than a miracle. How’s your pain?”

“Not terrible, unless I try to move.”

“Okay, and what about your head? Any pain, aching or throbbing?”

“Just a dull ache, mostly on the left side. Like right after you bump your head against something.”

“I’d expect nothing less,” Gillian nods. “Well, as far as I can tell, you’re doing alright, but I’d like to get some food into you and see that you get to keep it, before I’m willing to say that definitively. How do you feel about mashed potatoes?”

“Sounds heavenly,” Niki replies, and she really does look pleased at the prospect.

“Great. We’re gonna have to take it slow and stick to easily digestible things at first, because of the damage to your stomach. So, I’ll go and prepare that for you while Pero gives you some more water.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

She nods and heads off to the kitchen, and Tovar takes a seat beside Niki again, once more lifting the glass and bringing it to her lips. But she doesn’t drink right away. She’s thinking hard about something, putting a wrinkle between her brows.

“Why are you fighting for me? Whatever’s happened these past few days, you’re still the same guy I’ve known for five years. You don’t want our relationship to get complicated, you’ve made that very clear,” she wonders, and he remembers the look in her eyes before she’d left his house that night.

He remembers seeing her trust in him break. And while he’s had time to re-evaluate things since then, she hasn’t. She’s still right there, back where they were two and a half days ago when she’d showed up with the unwanted news. No matter what she might want to believe, in truth, she’s probably more likely thinking that the trauma of almost losing her has temporarily made him appreciate her more. A feeling which will probably fade with time, returning him to the uncaring colleague she’s always known.

Pero wishes he could be certain that she’s wrong. But he just doesn’t know. Which is why his answer is stupidly simple and doesn’t explain anything at all.

“That was before I knew that you’re being targeted by our own government, because of something that isn’t your fault.”

“Oh, so you’re a humanitarian now?” she jabs sarcastically.

“Hell, no. I just don’t wanna lose the only person in my life who might give a shit about me,” he counters, and then mentally chides himself when he hears the not so hidden plea for validation within those words.

She studies his face closely for a few beats, before finally taking a few slow sips. He wonders just how ridiculous he must look. The guy who’s always kept her at arm’s length, suddenly begging her to tell him that he matters to her. By rights she should smack him over the head.

“I do give a shit about you. Quite a few shits, actually,” she admits instead of turning to violence, and he can’t help the smile that those words spark in his eyes.

Somehow, despite how confused he is about his own feelings, it tickles him to know that he might be good enough that such an impressive person finds him worthy of her care and interest.

“Thanks,” he says, once again avoiding her eyes and trying to hide the faint blush that creeps up his neck.

It’s a complicated thing, realizing that he’s a lot more dependent upon another person than he’d ever meant or intended to be. So much of what he feels is coated in fear and yet he finds himself unable to ignore any of his emotions. Good or bad. He has spent so many years getting a front-row seat to what people who claim to love each other, do to each other, that he’s long since decided never to put himself at risk of experiencing that kind of betrayal.

Usually, it isn’t even significant things that ends up tearing people apart. Money and lies are most often enough. Or just one wrong word. And it continues to baffle him. Maybe because he’d used to think that something like love would be stronger than such petty arguments. But having witnessed the opposite so many times, he’d eventually been forced to reconcile with a different truth. Which is that people are incapable of real love. That the best one can hope for, is mutually beneficial arrangements.

For the first time in his entire life, that truth is now being tested. And he’s amazed at how good that feels. But it also makes his fears so much stronger, with the notion that he might stand to lose a great deal more than he ever has before. Not just his relationship with Niki, whatever that is, but this new-found hope as well. And given that hope is supposed to be the strongest emotion that humans have, surely losing it must be more painful than anything.

Niki closes her eyes to rest for a minute while she waits for the food, but as soon as she does, he immediately starts to worry that she’s not just resting. He has to remind himself that she’s a lot weaker than this half-hour of conversation makes him want to believe. She seems so strong whenever she meets his gaze. So present and aware. It’s hard to see the frailty within her when she appears unbreakable from the outside.

Still, he puts his right hand in front of her left and gently brushes his fingertips against hers, and when she shifts her digits to brush his in return, he’s reassured that everything is alright. But he takes the liberty of taking her entire hand in his, all the same, and he’s quite surprised at how much it comforts him. Gillian returns with the food some fifteen minutes later, so he steps away to give her more room.

And the moment he isn’t in her presence anymore, his focus immediately shifts onto how to go about protecting her. That’s become his sole function in her life now. He’s thought about it almost nonstop since they got here, but he’s still looking for better options, hoping to think of something less suicidal than what he’s managed to come up with thus far.

Getting rid of the Qwerty brothers would only be a temporary relief, since the government would quickly learn that they were out of play and send someone else. However, if he could convince one or both of them that it would be more lucrative to keep them alive, he might stand a chance at delaying having to deal with any in-house-cleaners for a bit. The mind of an assassin isn’t that hard to read, but he’d still have to surveil them for a few days before he’d be able to assess what it would take to convince them, and that would mean leaving Niki and Gillian alone for as much as a week.

He’s not concerned about whether they’d be okay on their own. The young nurse is resourceful, headstrong and cool under pressure, he’s confident that she could handle any problems that might arise, medical or otherwise. What concerns him is that they’d have no protection if he left. If someone were to find them while he was gone, they’d be largely defenseless.

Before he acts on the brothers, he needs to know more about the outside source that’s also on their tails. Who they are and where they’re from. Since that will help him determine what resources they have and how big of a threat they pose. But despite half a dozen calls, Will hasn’t picked up or gotten back to him at all since that 01 am call the other night.

There’s no reason to think that anything’s happened to him, not yet anyway. He’s done this before, although usually out of spite, which seems unlikely to be the reason this time, since this isn’t really about Pero. Their history might be bad, but Garin is a good person at heart. Or at least good enough to wanna try and redeem himself by doing as much good as he can until he dies. He wouldn’t leave an innocent woman to her fate out of spite towards him.

All of which leaves Tovar at a dead end. He needs more intel before he acts, but he’s not in a position to get it. So, he must wait. But the frustration is getting the better of him. It’s easier to keep it in check when he’s with Niki because she needs him calm and in control, or she’ll try and shoulder the leader-role herself, injuries be damned. But when he’s alone… it eats away at him.

The worst part is not knowing who’s coming or when. Every time that Gillian sits with Niki, he spends every second walking from room to room, looking through every window, scouting all the terrain he can see for incoming threats. The house has a good vantage point even though it’s very effectively concealed among the trees. Even from above, one would need advanced camera equipment to spot it. Not even a thermal lens would be enough, other than in the contrast of the winter cold.

He knows that he’s done everything possible to hide it away from the outside world, but since he doesn’t know who might be looking for them, he can’t help but fear that someone’s already caught their trail and are on their way. More and more, he begins to feel like they’re not gonna make it without help. But who could he ask? He has no friends, his colleagues have already suffered enough, and Will is useless other than behind a screen.

There are moments when he wants to just sit down in a corner and cry. It wouldn’t help anything, and that’s the only thing that stops him. This morning, his aimless walking takes him out onto the veranda. It runs along the south side of the house, ending in a balcony which partially merges with the tallest trees at the front of the house, adding to its camouflage.

He stops there and looks out between the tree-trunks. The sun is still climbing, only just reaching through the canopy to warm his face. The cool morning air is misty and fresh, smelling of moss and bark. And while he stands there, his mind clears. Suddenly he isn’t worried or thinking about anything in particular. It comes on so abruptly that it startles him.

However, moments later, he hears the faint sound of an engine, and the stillness instantly turns into a frenzy. He runs to the back of the house to listen down the driveway. It’s the only road for miles in all directions, and the woods are too wild for anyone to drive anything through it. So, if it is an engine and not some trick of the mountains and the river, it can only be heading this way.

Chances are, it’s just someone who’s really fucking lost, but he doubts it. Not many people would drive for three hours on a narrow dirt-road which according to all the maps, doesn’t exist and doesn’t lead to anything. Not even Google Earth knows that the house is there. The sound is coming closer and it’s definitely an engine. Aside from Pero, only William knows the house exists, so he hopes that that’s who it is, but he prepares for the worst.

There’s a locked weapon’s cache hidden in one of the walls by the front door, requiring a five-digit code to open. He unlocks it and pulls out a shotgun, two loaded pistols already in a shoulder holster, and a set of throwing knives that he straps to his right thigh. Once he’s done, he can hear that the vehicle is still about a minute away, so he opens the front door and calls to Gillian. She comes running through the hall within seconds, having recognized the urgency of his tone.

“What is it?”

“Someone’s coming. I don’t know who, so this might turn into a shootout,” he quickly explains.

“Shit… What do I do?”

“Stay with Niki and close and lock the bedroom door, and if you hear this door open, you press the biggest black button you can see behind my shirts in the closet. It activates a burglar alarm which will send a toxic gas through the entire house, except for that bedroom.”

“Jesus! No, I’m not gonna do that!” she objects, so he steps closer to her and puts his free hand, not holding the shotgun, on her shoulder.

“Listen to me. If these are our enemies, they’ll kill Niki and anyone protecting her, or they’ll kill us and take her to be tortured for information,” he says quickly, pauses to let that sink in, then adds. “Unless you hear me say otherwise, you will hit that button. Do you understand?”

She doesn’t respond, but despite the panic that’s creeping into the frame of her being, she nods and then runs back to the bedroom. He waits until he hears the lock turn, followed by the slight hiss of the hermetic seal being engaged to shield the room from anything toxic. Then he steps back out, locks the coded front door and prepares to greet the unannounced visitor.

As he stands there, trying to prepare for what might be about to happen, Niki’s words from before ring through his ears, somehow louder even than his own footsteps on the gravel.

“But you don’t love me.”

It makes him freeze. He’s always feared emotional pain above all else. Although now, what scares him the most is everything he hasn’t felt. Everything the heart is capable of, but none of which he has ever allowed his to go anywhere near. Now though, he finds himself questioning if he does love her. His response had been so convoluted. So easy, since it hadn’t forced him to commit to anything.

But what if he does love this woman, and everything that she has to offer?

He wants to know the answer before he dies. He needs to know. But how does one know such a thing? What are the criteria? How is it quantified? He’s only ever seen the failures, and that’s not a good measure to start from. So, instead, he tries to think about what he wants. And he quickly determines that he’s out there voluntarily facing this threat alone, prepared to die, because that’s how badly he needs her to live. The problem is figuring out why. If it’s about her being his only friend, or something more than that.

The engine is close now. A large car or pickup. It’ll come into view in just a few seconds.

He thinks about her face, her skin, her body. All so beautiful to him, but nothing more than a surface to be admired by everyone who might want to. He gets to touch it, though. Her surface is known to him, tip to toe, and he adores every inch of it. But more than that, he’s proud to have earned it. Earned. Not taken or scammed his way to but given to him by choice and desire.

That matters a great deal to him. To be trusted with something so private and personal and delicate, as someone else’s pleasure. But he can’t distinguish what’s pride and what’s gratitude and what might be care. Of course, he already cares about her, he wouldn’t have done all this otherwise. He just doesn’t know where the line between care and love is.

And then the car comes into view, and his thoughts are torn away from his own heart, refocusing entirely on the threat before him. He doesn’t recognize the car, a large black SUV of an American brand, either GMC or Cadillac, so he steps forwards and raises the shotgun to chest height so that the driver will undoubtedly see it. Then he slowly angles the double barrels at the car, making his intentions clear.

The car stops abruptly, and within moments, the driver’s door opens, and a pair of empty hands appear above it, quickly followed by a head poking up between the door and the frame of the vehicle. Even seventy yards away he recognizes the short, dirty blond mess of home-cut hair, and lowers the weapon.

“What the fuck’s the matter with you? You couldn’t have sent me a fucking text to let me know it was you?!” he shouts, to which William just ducks back into the car and drives up the final stretch of road.

“No, actually. I couldn’t risk it,” he answers once he’s turned the engine off and stepped out.

That worries Pero. All of this worries him, because Will doesn’t leave his house even to collect a newspaper or make sure that a passing storm hasn’t run off with his roof.

“What happened?” he asks, as his visitor moves to the back of the SUV and opens the trunk.

“Not sure, but I think someone’s noticed that I’m digging around the Amazon project. Maybe some of those computer experts that were hired to ensure the digital safety of the project are still employed. I don’t know. But I do know that someone started a backtrace trying to find me, and even though chances are slim that they will, the breach was subtle enough to indicate that whoever’s looking for me is no soccer-mom. And I’m sure as shit not gonna risk my house and business for these assholes.”

The trunk is filled from top to bottom with computer components and cables, so Will obviously intends on continuing his search from here, which is technically safer, but also adds another variable of danger for Niki.

“So, instead you’re putting all of us at even greater risk,” Tovar coldly determines, and the man stops rifling through the trunk.

“What do you want me to do, huh? I’m not some criminal mastermind, I can’t disappear into a fake identity or afford to build a fucking fortress in some remote and nearly inaccessible area. Not to mention that I wouldn’t be in this steaming pile of shit if you hadn’t asked me for help, so don’t you fucking turn on me now!” Garin growls in return, and he’s not wrong.

“I’m not turning on you. The damage is already done, that would be pointless. I just want you to remember this,” Pero starts, and then takes a step closer, making sure that Will can see the truth of what follows, in his eyes. “If they find us here, the helpless woman in a hospital bed is the only one that I’ll be focusing on saving.”

He leaves the truck and heads back to the front door, to let Gillian know that everything’s alright. But he’s even more anxious now. It might sound like a longshot that anyone would locate them out here, but it’s actually easier than one might think.

The hospital has Pero’s name on file, and not only that, but they also have his name in Niki’s file, as someone she trusts and relies on, or he wouldn’t have been her emergency contact. So, any authority looking into her recent activities will know that he’s likely involved. And after the deaths in the underground garage, not to mention that only Gillian knew what he was really doing, the staff have likely not seen much reason to try and help him. Moreso the opposite, especially if it was one of the nurses that had ended up dead.

He’s separated his criminal identity from his real one as perfectly as can be done, so there’s no reason to think that anyone would figure that out, and since the safehouse can’t even be connected to Mr. Hood, no one’s gonna find it through paper trails. But the truck that brought them here was borrowed from his employer and is likely considered stolen now. It doesn’t have a GPS tracking system because it usually only travels within the perimeter of the warehouse and the other smaller buildings that make up the OffSup company district, but it has the logo on the sides, which makes it recognizable.

And from a satellite, finding and tracking the one truck that would’ve left the hospital garage at that time, wouldn’t be very hard. Of course, that would rely on a satellite having passed overhead at that exact time, but even if none did, there are traffic cameras and other digital means of locating a vehicle. The roads here are free of all electronic surveillance, but a skilled mind could still make an educated guess as to which area might offer sufficient protection for someone trying to hide.

On top of that, Will’s arrival means that there are now two trails leading to this seemingly empty woodland, which doubles the risk of someone making the connection that there might be something worth investigating out here. This place was never meant to shield him from governments, only angry victims of his scams. Perhaps the odd drug lord or mob boss. So, all in all, Pero has reason to not be confident about the strength of his supposed safe haven.

He unlocks and opens the front door again, immediately shouting an all clear to Gillian so that she won’t kill him, and then returns to the trunk to help Garin carry the computers inside.

“I am grateful for your help,” he admits with a tired sigh once he’s back there.

From the corner of his eye, he sees William stop piling bundles of cable into his arms as he listens with mild shock. Tovar has never once been nice to him. Not to the extent that most people would define “nice”. But these are trying times, and his list of allies is painfully short. He can’t afford to alienate anyone right now, and least of all the one person who has a decent chance at helping him get Niki away from the claws of these mindless fortune seekers.

“This is so messed up…” he adds after a few moments, bowing his head in premature defeat and scratching at the back of his neck.

He doesn’t feel defeated. Not really. Just very much like one little wasp trying to walk through an entire ant colony unnoticed. Those thoughts won’t help him, though. He shakes his head slightly and then gets back to work, picking up a large screen to carry inside.

“Hey…” Will calls for his attention, so he stops and turns back. “You know I don’t want these dickheads getting their hands on her any more than you do, right? I’m not here just to hide. I came to make sure that I can keep working and maybe find a way to get her out of this.”

That surprises Pero. Because while the veteran isn’t cruel at heart, he does usually put himself first. But he also never lies. At least, not to his old enemy.

“Why would you give a rat’s ass about her?” he asks, but not confrontationally, just truly baffled at what the reason might be.

Garin thinks on that for a second, seemingly trying to decide something.

“Christine,” is all he offers, but it’s enough for Tovar to know what he means.

His fiancée. She died seven years ago because of his ego. He’s never been able to admit it, at least not aloud, because the guilt never fades or eases. He never lets it. However, he seems to have decided to use that guilt as a motivator for Niki’s cause. Why or how she’s managed to inspire this courage in him, when there have been dozens of people that could’ve done so before today, is anyone’s guess.

Pero nods in understanding and then turns back to the house where Gillian has come out to see what’s going on, but then stops and holds the door for them as she sees the two men carry equipment inside.

“William, this is Gillian. Gillian, meet William,” he introduces in passing.

“Oh. So, you’re the one he growled at in the middle of the night a couple days ago,” she deduces, probably based on Pero’s body language around him.

“Yeah,” Will confirms.

“Do I wanna know what put you on his naughty-list?” she asks while trailing behind them towards the stairs.

“You’ve got that the wrong way around,” Tovar answers her, much to her surprise. “I don’t have a naughty-list because there’d be no point in listing every human being on the planet. What I have is a very short list of people I trust, and that currently includes both of you.”

“Wait… This is how you treat people you don’t hate?” she skeptically inquires, and this time, it’s Will who answers.

“Oh, I’ve seen what it looks like when Pero Tovar hates someone, and trust me, there’s no mistaking it. He can and will turn your entire world into dust and misery, all without even coming near you.”

“Did he do that to you?” she gasps.

“No. If he had, he wouldn’t have allowed me to even know about this place. Also, I would’ve been homeless and without a penny to my name, with no hope of ever getting one. You have no idea how powerful a man you’re currently living with, Gillian.”

-=¤=-=¤=-=¤=-=¤=-=¤=-=¤=-

Part 5

Thank you for reading, and remember: I have no taglist anymore. Follow @sirowsky-stories and turn on notifications for updates on my writing :)

#pero tovar fanfiction #pero tovar x original female character #pero tovar x ofc #modern!pero #modern!au #the great wall fanfiction #the great wall modern au #the great wall au #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal character fanfiction #sirowsky stories

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builder051 · 6 months

Text

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies

—————-

Chasing Ghosts. Warning for drug mentions/implied drug use. Meant to be stupid and funny.

—————-

James sits at the table. He presses his cheek to its cool surface and wraps his arm around his head. He should go, he thinks. Somewhere. Not here. Or at least turn off the light.

The logical thing to do is plant himself in the bathroom and wait out his seasick headache. The thought of the bathroom sends James’s throat up to throb behind his clenched teeth. He won’t be turning off the light. He won’t be moving at all.

“It’s bad?”

Steve seems to have materialized in the kitchen. James doesn’t know how long he’s had an audience. He’d taken his hearing aids out a while ago. With his echolocation gone and his eyes hidden, James knows he’s a sitting duck. Not that Steve would ever hurt him. Well, not on purpose. He sometimes gets a little rough when administering first aid.

“Eh,” James says to the inside of his elbow. “You probably know better than I do.”

“Mm,” Steve muses. James imagines him stroking his chin in contemplation. “You have a headache and feel like you want to hurl?”

“Yeah…” James pauses to draw in a shaky breath. “I don’t know. When, I mean. If.”

“You never do know.”

There’s a scraping sound and a vibrating sensation as Steve pulls up a seat. James bites his lip. He’d rather taste blood than bile.

“I mean, I can guess. I can try to help. Hold your hair. Or a mop.” Now that he’s close, James hears the uncertainty in Steve’s voice.

“Yeah. Try consulting your magic 8 ball or something. ‘S as good as anything else.”

Steve gives a quiet laugh. “I would if I could.”

“Wait, what?” Tasha’s running up the hallway, her words going from muffled to sonorous. James pretends he doesn’t suppress an instinctive swallow. He can’t acknowledge what doesn’t exist. Logic bends as James’s head makes a particularly strong throb. He’s losing his grip on reality. He must be. Tasha awake and moving at this hour on a Saturday morning? James assumes it’s still morning. It was morning when his mild headache turned to extreme vertigo and sent him tilting toward a chair.

“Oh, hey, Tasha.” Steve says.

James forces out his own sound of greeting.

“Who has an 8 ball?” Tasha speaks quickly, tripping over her words. She’s probably on an upper already. Hopefully her very own, very legal Adderall. She has absolutely no need for cocaine.

“Nobody,” James groans. He lifts his head just enough to give his sister a scathing look. Her hair is piled on top of her head, and she’s wearing a bathrobe that hangs far to low in the front.

“I heard you—“ Tasha starts.

“No.” James shuts his eyes and bows flat to the table again, this time cooling his aching forehead.

“It was, you know.” Steve sounds slightly embarrassed. Maybe because he won’t leave the bedroom in just boxers. Whose dignity he’s still pretending to protect, James will never ask.

Steve clears his throat and goes on. “Like, the toy kind? Where you ask it a question and shake it?”

“Oh.” Tasha’s disappointed. She recovers in a beat and says, “I had one of those once. As a kid. It was dumb. It wasn’t right about anything.”

“I was thinking about ordering one on Amazon.” Steve puts too much positivity into his tone. The man will do anything to avoid a confrontation.

“If you really want one, just give me a few bucks. I can have it by tonight.” James sincerely hopes she’s joking. Well, not joking, exactly. He hopes she won’t do it, whether to spite him or any other reason.

“That won’t be necessary.” James sees Steve’s gluey smile projected onto the backs of his eyelids.

“Might help your headache.” Tasha pokes James in the shoulder. He grunts and swallows frenetically, determined not to lose control.

“Tash…” James sighs. “Just leave it.”

“If you say so.”

Silence briefly ensues, then a cabinet opens and the sink starts running. Then the table jiggles again as Tasha joins them. She sips her water, then casually asks, “What question were you going to ask, anyway? The 8 ball?”

“Oh.” Steve laughs.

“You can tell her,” James says, then breathes deeply and focuses on the feeling of his nose squashing as he rests his forehead directly against the hardwood.

“It was, um,” Steve warms himself up. “We were going to ask, uh, whether or not James is going to puke.”

“Hm.” Tasha sets down her glass. “Well, duh. You could’ve just asked me.”

“What sayest you?” Steve gives James the floor. Which he may or may not be about to soil.

James has reached his limit. If he speaks, if he so much as acknowledges his turn in the conversation, his jaw will unhinge and everything will fall to pieces. He steels himself and clenches his abdominal muscles as much as he can. “Yeah.” It comes out in a gasp that’s probably inaudible as he takes off in a rush toward the bathroom.

#fanfic #fanfiction #marvel #mcu #captain america #steve rogers #winter soldier #bucky barnes #black widow #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #chasing ghosts #college AU #sickfic #emeto #tw drug use #tw cocaine #this is stupid and funny

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darkmagic-sweetheart · 1 year

Text

Holiday Shopping PSA 2022

Holiday Shopping PSA

It’s that time of the year again were I write one of these to remind old and new shoppers to be careful where and on what they spend their money on this holiday season.

Regardless of what you celebrate or don’t celebrate it’s always nice to give a gift to either yourself or someone you care about, but it’d be a huge bummer to later find out what you got them was actual bootleg or stolen art.

To start I always tell those that are interested in buying from an artist to go check out their social media and see where exactly do they sell their work. That is always the best way to make sure you get your art from the actual artist. Try to find a direct link as well. Most are in bios, pinned posts, or other posts were they promote their store/website.

My Stores:

https://www.redbubble.com/people/darkmagicswh/shop

https://www.etsy.com/shop/DarkmagicSWH

If you can’t find a direct link see if their DMs are open or send them an Ask/Tweet at them (delete once you get your answer though). Now if this artist’s store is closed or if they don’t sell to people that is not an invitation to look elsewhere for their work or to print it out yourself! Please respect the artist wishes/schedule and look for another gift option.

Try to avoid shopping for art on sites like Amazon, Wish, Ebay, and Aliexpress UNLESS the artist has specifically said that is where they sell. Most of the time these sites are riddled with stolen work and at a very cheap price so it can be hard to not to take that deal, but don’t. Artist’s, for the most part, are the little guy in this situation. We are having our work taken by bigger companies and given almost no power to fight back. Our art is not free to use or part of the public domain!

Be careful when shopping on Etsy and Redbubble as well. Stolen works can also be found there too. Once again try to find a direct link to the artist store and if you can’t Google their name or search for one of the items they do sell. Just make sure to triple check that the person whose store you are looking at if the artist and not someone just selling their art.

I know it can be hard because sometimes you just see something online you want and don’t put too much thought into whether the listing for it on Amazon is stolen or not, but all I can ask if that people try. Tell friends and families about where they can find artists you like and their stores. Report any stolen listings you find and possibly contact the artist if possible about them. We artist want to keep making fun and creative works for you all to enjoy whether you buy them or not, but we can’t keep giving while our art is stolen and sold for so little by a complete stranger. We need your help too!

If you have bought or received bootleg/stolen art in the past you don’t need to feel guilty. It’s okay that you didn’t know at the time or whoever got you the gift didn’t know. That’s in the past, but right now you can change for the better. Show the artist you love the upmost respect by becoming a safer shopper this holiday season or informing others about the does and don’ts of shopping for art.

For those possibly reading this and thinking that this isn’t a huge issue and that losing out on just a little bit of money couldn’t hurt...it does and it is.

Over the course of just this year I have had to report over 100 stolen listings on just Amazon alone. I have also had to continually look out for stolen works on Etsy, Redbubble, Wish, and Mercari. I have had counter claims sent to me I’ve had to fight, all the while being in student debt. I’m unable to even report the stolen works I’ve found on Ebay and Aliexpress because those sites have made it nearly impossible for a single artist like myself to file a report. This is and has always been a problem and it’s not one artists should just get used to.

I hope this PSA helps some people learn how to shop better this holiday season and reflects the struggle artists sometimes have to go through.

DMCA Takedown Forms for Amazon and Wish (for any artists):

https://merchant.wish.com/brand-protection/brand-violation-report

https://www.amazon.com/report/infringement

Examples of my Art Being Stolen (Currently Up):

https://www.amazon.com/MDGCYDR-Stickers-Graffiti-Refrigerator-Notebook/dp/B09DQ4K9YJ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1KZ6QJVTUIY3C&keywords=unus+annus+stickers&qid=1669341197&sprefix=unus+annus+sticker%2Caps%2C125&sr=8-1

https://graphicbreak.com/sander-sides-anxiety-aop-t-shirt-tee/

https://www.aliexpress.us/item/3256803468333708.html?gatewayAdapt=glo2usa4itemAdapt&_randl_shipto=US

https://www.amazon.com/Jacksepticeye-Painting-Pictures-Bathroom-Decoration/dp/B092TR4ML9/ref=sr_1_123?crid=325A38TYQZALN&keywords=jacksepticeye+merch&qid=1669341359&sprefix=jacksepticeye+merch%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-123

https://www.amazon.com/Sanders-Sticker-Ceramic-Printed-Digital/dp/B0BB8X76WQ/ref=sr_1_16?crid=2W6S167LTES8C&keywords=sanders+sides+merch&qid=1669341390&sprefix=sanders+sides+merch%2Caps%2C95&sr=8-16

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liyazaki · 1 year

Note

Hi Mor,

I hope you don’t mind me asking this and apologies if you’ve answered this already, but for Thailand travel advice: could you suggest a rough estimate of how much cash I would need for a two week trip?

I’m not planning to drink/go clubbing. I’ll be mostly eating, visiting attractions and maybe the odd tour/boat trip. I’ll be in Bangkok and Phuket.

Even a rough rough estimate will help :).

I don’t mind at all- ask away. you’re going to have an amazing time!

we paid for all our hotels ahead of time, so the cash we brought was for pretty much exactly what you’re talking about.

I started with around 17,500 baht ($500 USD) & ended up getting out another $300-$400 USD equivalent later on. that might sound like a lot, but that covered all my food, transportation, multiple spa trips, new luggage, extra baggage fees while flying in country, a couple gifts for people back home, shopping for myself and experiences for 2 weeks. I didn’t really deny myself anything, so for me, it was a bargain. we did pay for the KP boat tour & Promthep Cape sunset yacht tour ahead of time. I had about $100ish USD left over at the end, so I spent about $700-$800 (can’t recall) in cash total.

if you can afford to take out extra, do it early to avoid ATM fees down the line. you can easily exchange whatever you don’t spend at the airport. if you want to get real nerdy about it like I did, make a spreadsheet of all your projected expenses & try to bring 15% or more than you expect you’ll need.

pick pocketing doesn’t seem to be much of an issue in Thailand, but I highly recommend not carrying it all on you once you get to where you’re going, just to be safe. cash still seems to be the preferred (sometimes only) method of payment in most places, so don’t count on being able to fall back on debit cards, credit cards, etc.

if you don’t have them already, some airline-approved luggage locks should give you some peace of mind if you leave cash in your room. I snagged a pair on Amazon that open with keycards you can keep in your wallet so you never have to remember a code.

that was more advice than you asked for, but I hope it helps!

p.s. I can’t remember the name of the spa right now, but if you’re interested in getting a Thai massage or just hitting up a spa, the best one we went to by far was in Phuket (it was incredible & very reasonable)! just comment or send me a message & I’ll track down the name for you.

#mor answers #chordassinationtechnique #thailand trip

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omegaxmasterlist · 1 year

Note

Hi!

I hope you don’t mind me messaging but I just wanted to let you know that your mobile links don’t work in your description :(

I also wanted to ask you something. If I was to buy an Omega X album, would the money go to Spire Entertainment? If so, I’d rather not buy it for obvious reasons.

Do you know if there’s anything international fans can do to support them?

Thanks in advance for your reply. Have a lovely day/evening :)

Would you mind giving me a few more details about the mobile links? I tested them from the Tumblr mobile app on Samsung, and from the tumblr.com/omegaxmasterlist blog view on desktop and they both worked. However, when I viewed my blog from a mobile browser, the links redirected and opened the Tumblr app instead of the blog page... If that last scenario is your problem, I'll do some digging and try to fix that.

As for the albums and Spire, the answer will depend on where you buy your albums from.

[OH DEAR GOD I NEVER POSTED MY RESPONSE TO THIS ASK OH NO ANON PLEASE FORGIVE ME???? CHRIST]

I'd suggest looking for albums on ebay or amazon, or looking for other FOR X who are selling their albums on twitter, instagram, etc.! Buying secondhand is the best way to avoid giving Spire any new profits. And often you can find sealed albums being sold, so it'll feel just like brand new :)

*However I will say, given the ongoing legal issues, I have literally no idea if Spire is even still making money... Honestly I was surprised that they performed "Play Dumb" at those basketball and soccer games because I thought Spire would own the rights to all their music and usage of it. Now I'm obviously no Korean copyright law expert, but I have to say this feels like a good sign, right? Again, I don't know... but I'm hopeful that OMEGA X will be able to retain the legal rights to everything they did and made under Spire, and that Spire won't make a single penny off those boys every again.

"Do you know if there’s anything international fans can do to support them?" Well that's kind of a big question... and maybe I'm not the best person to ask because I truly don't care about streaming or voting (most of the time) or numbers and charts and shit... To ME, the best way to support them is just to love them. Listen to their music, keep an eye on @.omega_x__for_x for any upcoming schedules, and show them that FOR X will be here waiting for them no matter how long it takes. Besides that there really isn't anything we can do. Just promise that as a FOR X, you won't let the world forget about OMEGA X.

#mod answers #answered #anonymous #DUUUUUUUUUUDE THIS IS SO EMBARRASING I SWEAR I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS CONSTANTLY THEN I GOT DISTRACTED AND ...here we are #rip #i hope.. this ... helps????

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seasurfacefullofclouds1 · 2 years

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interesting

I believe this is Louis’ thinking as well

Sam is the manager for Only the Poets, correct? I think for a band that’s yet unsigned and growing a fanbase, this is a terrific strategy.

And I think it is incredibly valuable to have a relationship with fans like Louis does. For one thing, it is mentally and spiritually more satisfying, and that means something in the creative arts.

Here’s the article. (The Times, UK)

The gist of the article says that old people have discovered Spotify, so what people listen to are 1. old stuff they like, 2. new stuff that’s on big playlists that they don’t bother to avoid (Today’s Top Hits).

This is clearly great for, say, the Universal boss Lucian Grainge. His company owns the rights to almost a third of recorded music (by revenue) and he took home £230 million in pay in 2021. But it’s less good if you’re trying to get your new single heard above all recorded music.

But as catalogue becomes more important, the rate of return on investment on new artists gets worse — and it’s never been great anyway.” His fear is that labels will give up on breaking new bands. “The digital streaming platforms are cluttered now and they’re not breaking artists. You might have one hit, but to have three or four hits and build a career becomes harder and harder.”

Ed Howard, the co-president of Atlantic Records — home to Ed Sheeran — echoes the point. While Spotify, Apple Music and Amazon can be great tools for discovering artists, that’s not how they tend to be used. “Most people don’t feverishly seek out new music, and certainly not past the age of 25,” he says. Instead, they return to old favourites. If you say something like, “Alexa, play jazz,” you’re more likely to hear Miles Davis than, say, the rising British jazz star Moses Boyd.

[Tom Gray] feels that easy profits from streaming have allowed inertia to set in at the larger record labels. “These companies are making more money than they’ve seen in their lives,” Gray says. “We’re seeing unprecedented profit margins of over 20 per cent. You’d think they could afford to take more risks.”

Yet instead of trusting human instincts, he says, the record companies have become obsessed with data and metrics. “What you tend to have is people sitting in a room looking at TikTok, trying to figure out if something is already a hit. You might get lucky that way, but I don’t think that develops artists that listeners will want to keep listening to for years.”

Nor is it particularly fair on musicians, who complain in interviews about the amount of time they are expected to spend plugging themselves on social media. The 2022 Brits rising star winner, Holly Humberstone, laments: “You basically have to be an influencer... It’s so invasive.” The 2021 Brits rising star winner, Griff, says: “It’s all: ‘Post here! Post there!’ They send me reports every week on my engagement and all that, ‘How’s Griff’s growth? Twitter is down 12 per cent!’”

Howard warns that platforms such as TikTok and Instagram are themselves at the mercy of inscrutable algorithms. “It’s much better to have 1,000 fans on a mailing list who are really committed — a bit like an old-fashioned fan club — than 100,000 streams from people who don’t really care.” He believes that empowering musicians to connect directly with fans is the best approach in the longer term.

In the meantime, what are all these streaming metrics actually telling us? As Gray points out, a song such as Shape of You can have “50 bazillion streams” yet it’s impossible to tell whether listeners are seeking it out or the Spotify algorithm is simply playing it automatically. The charts that millions used to watch on Top of the Pops were a barometer of a moment in music — that’s gone.

I think he’s right about that. Surely the essence of pop — beyond any particular sound or style or attitude — is that it is part of shared culture. It’s a reflection of what is happening now and where things are headed next rather than an exercise in nostalgia or a branch of the big data industry. We can probably do better than The Winner Takes It All. On loop. For ever.

#the times #Tom gray #Sam Jackson #old music taking over the new

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un-nonymous · 2 years

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Have you ever seen someone in like, head-to-toe (shoulder-to-thigh?) spanx, but without the bra part? It’s like a BYOB (bra) situation? It’s not great.

Anyway, my best friend’s wedding is this Saturday in Chicago and we leave at 6am Thursday. I need 8 more days to be ready for the trip.

It’s been so long since I’ve written over here that I was excited to fill in the “Listening to:” field. That’s … never been a thing here. Livejournal. Twenty (20) years ago. It’s fine. You should listen to this song though.

youtube

I don’t care about no hoes, where is your spouse at?

Red text!

(Personally, I truly don’t care about no hoes nor spouses. In fact I’m very actively trying to become a spouse myself, for fuck’s sake.)

So I’m a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding this weekend and I love her but she did us all dirty with the color of these dresses. It’s like a smoky lavender - the kind that looks good on no one. We were able to choose our own style at least, but they are all relentless and unforgiving. I am wearing head-to-toe spanx (BYObra) and you can see like, the line of the contour? on the thigh? And it’s not because I have thick legs. I mean, it’s because the material of the dress is almost as though it was stuck to you, but it flows nicely in a breeze. I don’t know. I’ve also lost a bunch of weight since June (thanks, keto!) and that honestly helps me feel better about the dress. I took selfies tonight, even! Maybe I’ll post one.

This has been a hard week. Since Friday, I: organized and attended yet another suicide prevention training at work; unexpectedly found myself needing to support a dear coworker towards the end of that training class because he had been struggling with all the thoughts we’d been talking about for 2 hours and needed to step outside to cry and asked if I would join him (a senior general superintendent); attended a coworker’s wedding with another coworker, got drunk for the first time in a while and lost the latter coworker’s sunglasses before raising my voice at a third coworker who was getting mouthy with me; had what would have been the worst hangover of my life Sunday if it weren’t for Amazon’s party patches*; have been running around with my hair on fire at the office for both 10+ hour days I’ve had today and yesterday.

That whole thing was all about work. I’m working on that, but now’s not a good time for progress.

Seriously though, look up “party patches” on Amazon. Slap 2 of them on you (gonna do 3-4 for this weekend’s festivities, I have to be in proper shape for Nine Inch Nails at Riot Fest on Sunday #priorities) and while they won’t always stop a hangover from happening (I mean honestly how do you stop a speeding train, you know?), they will help you avoid an ambulance at least. Ask me how I know. Look for the blue and orange packages. They’re just vitamins, I don’t know what kind of witchcraft they’re about otherwise but they’re like $30 for I want to say 40-something patches? You really can’t put a price on magic.

(Ok here’s how I know: The last time I got that hungover, it was the morning after Matt and I got into a big argument about something stupid in public and I was crying at the table quietly but also pretty dramatically and the server had just approached with the check that I stubbornly insisted on paying. I could not pick my head up off the pillow the next morning and it took us 3 weeks to finally reach the end of the conversation because I was so embarrassed that I cried at a server as a 37-year-old woman for really the dumbest reason. I’m really fun to date. Fortunately he and I were genuinely fine those 3 weeks, we aren’t about grudges which has probably done a world of good for our 5-year run so far. But I was wearing 0 party patches that night. I currently have 2.7 packs for the bridal party and maybe the groomsmen if they’re acting right.)

Matt is standing up in the wedding too and we’re going to walk down the aisle together. I hope at least a couple people throw shoes at him. Gently, because he is a gem, but he needs a kick in the ass and he knows it.

Hope you and yours are loving your adventures lately. 🖤

#did i tell you we got a dog??#ok next time #love you bye

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dramagoblin · 2 years

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Trick? Or Treat? My Halloween-esque Rec List (TV series edition)

This was not intended to be my initial post, but hey, it’s that time of year so I thought I’d put together some shows to help set the mood! They are in alphabetical order, after being sorted by Watched, Plan to Watch, and one Avoid. Also, due to the number of recs, I’ll limit intros and let the trailer links do all the work

CLICK THE TITLES TO OPEN THE TRAILERS ON YOUTUBE AND BE SURE TO READ BELOW THE CUT!

WATCHED:

“Hotel Del Luna” (Netflix/Viki) Okay so I know the list is supposed to be alphabetical, but this show really is the best of the bunch. A young woman cursed to run a hotel for the deceased meets a young man who is forced to work for her. Lots of heart, and heartbreak, are interspersed with the jump scares and the laughs. There’s a reason fans demanded a second season.

“A Korean Odyssey” (Netflix) A young girl with the ability to see ghosts is tricked into freeing a god, who must now keep his vow to protect from her fate as an adult

“Aarang and the Magistrate” (Viki) This period drama centers around a young man who can see spirits, and a ghost who asks for help getting revenge on those who killed her. Also stars my fave actor, Lee Jun Gi!

“Erased” (Netflix) Given the chance to go back in time to save a childhood friend, a young man risks his own future in return. Less Halloween, more psychological thriller, but good for a scare!

“Bring It On, Ghost” (Viki) A young man who fights ghosts for a living finally meets his match in an amnesiac ghost. As funny as it is scary, it’s a safe watch for those who sleep with one eye open

“Oh My Ghost” (Viki) A shy, reserved young woman who can see ghosts is possessed by an outgoing spirit whose goal is to lose her virginity. At the same time they try to outrun a shaman that is looking to send the spirit on before she becomes evil.

“The Great Shaman Ga Doo Shim” (Viki) After generations of her family are tasked with the ability to exorcise demons, a young woman tries to escape her fate. However, after being enrolled at a school with a dangerous history, she finds herself facing it head-on.

“The Master’s Sun” (Viki) A woman who is tormented by the spirits of the dead stumbles across a wealthy man whose touch prevents her from seeing them.

Plan to Watch:

“All of Us Are Dead” (Netflix) Zombies take over a high school

“Hellbound” (Netflix) Just watch the trailer, trust me

“Kingdom” (Netflix) Zombies, but in the Joseon era so the cinematography is way better

“Sell Your Haunted House” (Viki/Amazon Prime) Pretty much what the title says, these agents specialize in exorcising haunted homes.

“Sweet Home” (Netflix) **Warning, suicide mentions, possible attempts** The world is being overrun by humans turned to monsters, and one group of residents attempts to fight them off.

“The Ghost Detective” (Viki) A detective who hunts ghosts teams up with a woman looking to solve a murder.

“The Scholar Who Walks The Night” (Viki/Amazon Prime) For all you vampire lovers out there, this is the one. Sexy vampires, set in the past, with a mystery. You’re welcome.

And, as I promised, the one to avoid:

“Possessed” (don’t know, don’t care) Honestly, this show started out with so much potential. Sadly it devolved into unnecessary violence and *SPOILERS* they all die at the end (no I didn’t finish it. I googled the ending when I realized where the story was headed)

#halloween #spooky show recs #sorry this was so long #kdrama #jdrama #halloween watchlist #asian drama #dramagoblin

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starvedftm · 1 year

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Hey there! I’m Luca and welcome to my page! I’m not pro ana. I’ll be using this acc to keep track of my progress and also to meet people who are also struggling <3

If you’re in recovery or are sensitive to €D related things then this page is not for you. Block, don’t report thanks!

Some info about me 🙃

Height: 5 ft 5 inch

SW: 159.6 lbs

CW: 121.8 lbs

GW: 115lbs

UGW: 85lbs

BMI: 35

I have been clinically diagnosed with anorexia since September 2022 and ARFID (avoidant restrictive food intake disorder) since May 2022. ARFID basically means I’m an extremely picky eater, which makes successful relapse so much harder. I have been admitted to hospital 4 times this year and I’m forced to gain weight there which is really hard. At the moment I’m trying my best to lose weight subtly to stay out of hospital. I have doctors appointments 1-2 times a week where I get weighed and have my vitals checked, if any of it is concerning to the doctor then she will most likely admit me. It’s so annoying.

⭐️ Motivation ⭐️

I have a jar and for every meal I miss I add £1 into it so, if I do a full day fast I get £5, if I go over my calorie limit I take away £5 and if I binge then I discard everything that was in the jar and have to start over again. Once I reach one of my goal weights I get to use whatever money is in the pot on a non food related reward! 😊

⭐️ Goals + Rewards ⭐️

GW1: 115lbs - Amazon Spree (£25)

GW2: 110 lbs - Shein Spree (£15)

GW3: 105 lbs - New Hoodie (£14)

GW4: 100 lbs - Build A Bear Frog (£20)

GW5: 95 lbs - New Tracksuit (£27)

UGW: 90 lbs - Shopping Spree (£50)

I’ll be having around 500 calories a day, most of it will be protein and carbs. I won’t allow myself to eat anything that has more than 3g of fat in it. I’ll let myself disregard that rule once a week and let myself have a ‘treat’ food to avoid binging.

My meal times are :

Breakfast:

8.30 AM - 8.40 AM

Morning snack:

11 AM - 11.10 AM

Lunch:

1 PM - 1.10 PM

Afternoon Snack:

3 PM - 3.10 PM

Dinner:

5 PM - 5.10 PM

Evening Snack:

8 PM - 8.10 PM

I don’t let myself eat outside of these time frames, it prevents eating out of boredom ☺️

I don’t eat at every time window, I just have the options there so if I’m hungry at 4pm I have to distract myself till 5 and usually the hunger goes away by then c:

For my current plan I can eat 1 of my ‘treat foods’ a week

Allowing myself 1 of them a week cures cravings and prevents me from binging on all of this stuff at once 😊

I aim to do 3 hours of exercise a week and I try to drink at least 1L a day c:

#thinner is better #thin$p0 #tw ana shit #i need to be thin #thin is beautiful #ed but not sheeran #i wanna be small #ana trigger #tw ana diary #ana goals #introductory post #pinned intro #rexi euphoria #anna miaa

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mycptsdrecovery · 1 year

Note

hi! i’m sorry to ask this really because it feels like i’m doing something wrong, but i’ve kind of been obsessing over this lately because it makes a lot of sense, but also i feel like because i don’t have any memories of being touched it doesn’t really count as csa? if anyone could give me advice or an opinion i would be very grateful for it.

TW (kind of graphic descriptions of bad things, medical trauma, mention of trafficking)

* when i was like 10 i was in the shower while my mom was giving a bath to my brother, and after i got out and got dressed she said something like “i noticed while you were taking a shower, you have dark hair down there like me, i could teach you to shave it if you want.” which made me really uncomfortable because i didn’t think she would watch me, and now i try to avoid getting undressed around her at all costs

* she did something similar when i was at a medical appointment because i had to get an ultrasound and so they had to pull my pants and underwear down a bit, and i saw her looking at my area and i was really uncomfortable

* there’s a memory i have from around 5 or 6 where i had just gotten out of the bath and then either her or my dad put something really painful on/in my genitals, i think to clean it (i had a lot of utis when i was little)? i remember remembering that when i was little as well, but its only recently that i actually thought about it

* everytime our family friends come over she forces me to shave, she also made me get laser hair removal for a while when i didn’t want it. a while ago she said if i wanted to wear shorts in public i would have to shave (this one is probably the least close to csa but i mentioned it to a friend and he said it was messed up)

* when i was like 3 i remember my dad taking me to a scary doctor appointment place and they put a catheter in me and it hurt so bad and then i couldn’t control myself and pee got everywhere and it was awful

* a few months ago my mom made me tell her what i wanted to do in sex because she said she deserved to know, because i’m old enough to identify myself (as transgender) so i’m old enough to know what i want. she used some pretty revolting language even though all of it was medical (like vagina, anus, ect.) and it was incredibly clear that i was uncomfortable but she continued

* whenever i tell her about my issues with body image, she says she would kill to have my figure and talks about it in a sexual way (like saying i got the big boob gene from her)

* she told my medical issues (like the utis) to her friend which was humiliating and also when i was little she posted about them on facebook

* when i was a young teen i made an instagram account without her knowledge and i posted like, a photo of a rock, and then when she found out because my sister snitched, she talked to me for 1-2 hours about child sex rings

* this is probably normal but she doesn’t care to cover herself up before i enter her room. like i’ll knock and say can i come in and she says yes, and then i come in and she isn’t dressed at all (not even underwear)

* one time when i was around 3-4 i woke up and there was white stuff in my underwear, and i remember like taking a medicine the night before? i had no idea what it was at the time but looking back i see what it could have been

* one time she saw my amazon wishlist and then started comparing the clothes on it to sadomasochism and made me take them off

* she forces me to hug her sometimes and its really clear that the hug isn’t actually about hugging it’s about our bodies being pressed together

* when me and my sister were little she filmed (i think it was her) a video of is saying the phrase “i’m sexy and i know it”

* when i was like 7 i kept getting really weird sex dreams that were way to graphic for the knowledge i had at the time, also at that age i used to wet the bed a lot

now i’m hypersexual and i have a lot of other symptoms of csa but it still doesn’t feel like i was actually sa’ed and i think if i told anyone they would just disregard it. thank you for your time reading this and have a good day

#everything you've described is incredibly inappropriate of her #and yes i believe some of the incidents would be considered csa

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everygame · 2 years

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Flicky (Arcade)

Developed/Published by: Sega Released: 5/1984 Completed: 02/07/2022 Completion: Finished all 48 stages. Version Played: Astro City Mini Trophies / Achievements: n/a

So! I’ve had an Astro City Mini for a while (since it was decently discounted on the ol’ Amazon Japan) and not really done much with it except dip in and out of the odd game, and so I was excited that after finishing TwinBee I’d finally get to play the first game on it in my list chronologically, Sega Ninja!

Until I checked the system and realised that I’d made a mistake in my spreadsheet and Flicky actually came out in 5/198*4* not 5/1985, placing it first, and a contemporary of games such as King’s Quest (which I, uh, also missed at the time) and Tower of Druaga. Coming, in fact, well before Mappy on the NES, which I not-particularly-memorably referred to as “The game my brain always puts in the same bucket as Flicky, wrong or rightly.”

Anyway, it turns out rightly because (at least according to Wikipedia) Flicky came from Sega’s “desire to exceed Namco's Mappy” which originally came out in arcades in 1983.

And guess what! They did!

Flicky is a simpler game than Mappy, and in my mind, all the better for it. It’s a basic collect-em-up–collect all the wee birdies and take them back to the exit–but it’s actually got a fascinating decision at the heart of it: it’s a single-screen platformer in that you can see the entire level on one screen, it wraps-around, but it scrolls meaning that the level somehow feels about three times as large as it is. You almost don’t realise it’s a single screen game! (Or maybe I'm just an idiot.)

I’d be interested to know why this decision was made–was it just to scroll like Mappy? Or was it intentionally done to avoid that annoying thing where you get killed transitioning between sides by an enemy you can’t see? Either way it’s a spark of minor genius.

It’s not all gravy though. Flicky herself has a touch too much floaty inertia, and while jumping onto platforms is nothing like the insane bullshit you have to put up with in Ice Climber, there’s a ton of head-bumping and wall-bouncing to be had making the game progressively more annoying as the levels get tighter and more complex; there’s a pretty remarkable 48 levels in this, but the last five or so are… very irritating.

Plus, artist Yoshiki Kawasaki apparently drew this on a “poorly calibrated graphics tablet” and you can kind of tell. All the art just seems sort of messy; there’s a charm to it, but in movement, you’ve got to give it to Mappy. While simpler, it’s crisper and more readable.

Flicky is still a ton of fun, though (well, for about 42 levels) with really nice score attack potential; you’re not just trying to get Flicky’s chicks back to the exit but get them back in one go, and while they fly behind Flicky, if a cat touches them they’ll scatter, requiring you collect them again, made harder by the fact that some chicks (with sunglasses, hilariously) will immediately run off. You get a bonus for doing levels as quickly as possible, too, which can be traded off against trying to knock down cats with the objects Flicky can pick up and… flick at them.

(Weirdly, Flicky does that when she jumps, which feels like something that would be better on a second button, but I think it’s intentional rather than a way to save, uh, the cost of a button–because you can’t jump with a weapon, you might have to wait for a cat to reach you, or just move unnaturally for a while not to use it, either costing your precious seconds. Cerebral!)

If I had any more complaints it’s probably just that with 42 levels Flicky is a bit too easy at first (the first ten levels are quickly a doddle) but it’s hardly the worst thing in the world. To be honest, playing this made me a bit sad that Flicky got so quickly relegated to being “that bird Sonic rescues”. Put some respect on her name!

(Which was originally “Busty” until someone pointed out that’s… not a good name. What were they thinking?)

Will I ever play it again? I’ll be quite happy to play it if I ever see it in the arcade, and if they stuck it on the Mega Drive Mini 3 or something I’d play it, it’s solid.

Final Thought: Actually speaking of the Mega Drive version the box art of the western version is absolutely seared in my mind. It’s terrifying! Protect your babies, Flicky!!! Compare it to the Japanese art for the SG-1000 version… Stop abusing that cat, Flicky!

Support Every Game I’ve Finished on ko-fi, either via a one-off donation (pay what you like) or by joining as a supporter at just $1 a month and get articles like this a week early.

#video games #games #gaming #arcade #flicky #sega #1984 #astro city mini #review #text #txt

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squishmallow36 · 2 years

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Keeper of the Lost Prepositions - Fifty-six

Word count: 2.8k

Tw: none

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @gaslight-gaetkeep-gayboss @kamikothe1and0lny @nyxpixels @florida-fruity-frog @poppinspop @crystallinewalker @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @never-mourn-the-good @rusted-phone-calls @when-wax-wings-melt @cotyledon-tomentosa @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125 @cherryberrybitch @blossomsxgalorex

On Ao3 or below the cut!

Another week of absolutely losing my mind as a double agent passes without much of an issue. I do get the virus sent to Gisela, but it’s taking its sweet time to work. In other news, Keefe’s still annoying as Exile, so Fitz has been hiding here at Widgetmoor with me more and more often as the week goes on.

That’s exactly the case today as he doesn’t bother to text me before walking in, asking, “You’re working again?”

I don’t take my eyes off the screen and reply, “Why is that even surprising anymore?”

“Come on. You have to have some sort of life.”

“I’m having a conversation with you right now. Is that not enough social interaction?”

“No, it’s not. And social interaction isn’t the only thing that contributes to a life. When was the last time you went outside for more than five seconds?” Fitz asks.

“I don’t keep track of that,” I snap, mostly to avoid admitting that it’s been a while. I’m not totally sure why it bothers me so much, but I have a good guess.

Seeing right through that flimsy disguise, Fitz replies, tiredly, “That exactly my point.”

I save the code and turn around to face him. “What do you propose? If I get scared by a blade of grass, this is all over.”

Fitz puts down a Magic: The Gathering deck. A white one, by the looks of it. “I really should’ve brought green because, you know, outside...but I got a new deck and now I’m forcing you to play.”

Do I want to know how he got to the human world and bought a deck? Has he found Amazon? I don’t think Amazon can ship here.

“Keefe got mad because you beat him one time?” I assume.

Fitz nods.

“Let me guess. He seems like a red player. Those are usually pretty fast. Ran out of cards?”

“Yeah. A dragon red to be specific. And he got one big dragon out that I promptly Exiled. It was fun. Although I’m willing to bet he was empathing all over me the entire time.”

“And you were telepathing to find out his cards. Seems fair to me,” I say, rummaging through Tinker’s drawers for one of my stashed Magic decks.

Pulling a red-blue one out, I continue, “Let’s see how it does against an Izzet deck.”

I roll over to the side of Island in the middle of the workshop opposite Fitz, who asks, “Do you happen to have a twenty-sided die I can use for a life counter?”

“Do you even have to ask? Of course I have more. Just sometimes I don’t know where they are.” In this case, I have only a vague idea where one is--other than the one I try to keep in the box--and it takes a few drawers before I find it.

I give it to him, and shuffle my deck, you know, the mildly fancy way. The way that seems like sorcery until you’ve done it a hundred thousand times or whatever.

“I still don’t understand how you do that,” Fitz says, holding his very-new-looking deck.

“Cut the deck in approximate halves,” I instruct, and he does that. “Put your thumb on one short side and the rest of your fingers on the opposite side.”

It takes a second, but he gets his hands into a shuffling position.

“Then, put your thumbs about half an inch apart and let go with your thumb slowly. You’ll speed up with practise.”

It’s most certainly not the most elegant shuffle ever, falling in large clumps of cards.

“Playing more often will help,” I comment.

“How am I supposed to do that when Keefe is impossible, Biana refuses to learn how to play for the sole reason that I want her to learn, and you’re working twenty-four/seven?”

I shuffle my own deck. “Roll for initiative?” I ask, holding up my favourite blue twenty-sided die.

“Nice subject change. Also, will you shuffle for me?”

“If you try it one more time, I will,” I reply, rolling my twenty-sided die. “Eleven.”

Fitz shuffles messily, and gives me the deck before rolling his twenty-sided die. “Five. You go first.”

I shuffle Fitz’s deck three times and give it back to him. “If you’re mana jammed, it’s your own fault for asking me to shuffle for you.”

I draw my seven cards and decide to keep the two islands, a mountain, an Izzet guildgate, a goblin electromancer, a chart a course, and an opt. Four lands and three cheap spells. Overall, not a terrible hand to start.

“Izzet guildgate enters the battlefield tapped. Your turn.”

Fitz draws his initial seven cards, chooses to keep them, and draws his card at the beginning of his turn. “Plains. Leonin vanguard--at the beginning of combat on your turn, if you control three or more creatures, leonin vanguard gets plus one/plus one until end of turn. And I gain a life. It’s a one/one. Can’t do anything else. Your turn.”

I draw a lava coil, which will be four points of good direct damage when I need it. “Island, goblin electromancer. Instant and sorcery spells cost two colourless less to cast. And it’s a two/two. Your turn.”

Fitz draws a card, stuffs it in his hand, and puts down a plains. “Two more leonins. I don’t want to mess with your goblin electromancer so I will call it your turn.”

“Rude,” I comment, drawing another lava coil. “Mountain. Lava coil deals four damage to target creature. Also known as your favourite leonin. And then I’ve got another one because this deck is half red and I don’t have any impulse control, so another leonin is dead. And then I attack with my goblin because why not?”

“I’ll take the damage. Eighteen?”

“Eighteen.” I confirm. “Then I guess it’s your turn.”

Fitz draws a card and puts it down directly from his library. “History of Benalia. It’s am enchantment saga thingy. This round I get a two/two white knight creature token with vigilance. I guess I’ll attack with my leonin because your goblin is tapped.”

I turn my life counter to nineteen as Fitz says, “Your turn.”

The next card I draw is another opt. “Island. Opt. Scry one draw a card.” I draw a card, which just so happens to be a Niv-Mizzet. Probably the strongest card in my deck. I very narrowly avoid dancing. I put it into my hand, and hope I can get enough land to cast it. “Opt again.” I draw another card, this time a goblin electromancer. “I’ll keep that too. And put it down. Goblin electromancer two/two. Your turn.”

Fitz draws a card and begins, “Benalia level two gets me another two/two white knight creature token with vigilance. And then I cast Ajani’s Pridemate. He gets plus one/plus one whenever you gain life. And it’s a two/two. Then I got a legion’s landing. Which creates a one/one white vampire creature token with lifelink and it’ll flip over if I attack with three or more creatures. Your turn.”

“Is that all?” I ask sarcastically before drawing a dive down. Looking sadly at my chart a course, I say, “I’d rather not do anything this turn. Your turn.”

“Someone doesn’t have enough mana to do what he wants?” Fitz asks, drawing a card, and putting down a plains. “Benalia level three gives knights plus two/plus one until end of turn so I am going to go attack with everyone.”

“I’ll block both knight tokens with my goblin electromancers. Mine die yours are completely fine.”

“Five damage. And I’ll get two life from the leonin plus the vampire lifelink. This gives Ajani’s pridemate a plus one/plus one counter. And legion’s landing flips into Adanto, the first fort. It’s a white land or if you pay three and tap, you create a one/one white vampire token with lifelink. Your turn.”

I turn my life counter down to fourteen. “You’re good? No more triggered abilities?” I draw a card, which is an island that I immediately put down. “I am absolutely terrified but it’s your turn.”

Fitz draws a card, and I can tell he’s planning something. “I’m going to use Adanto, the first fort to make a vampire token and then attack with everyone because you have no creatures.”

“That’s because you just killed both of them last turn,” I remind him. “How much damage?”

Fitz touches each of his creatures in turn as he counts, “two, four, six, nine, ten. Ten damage. And two life.” He adds that to his life counter. “Ajani’s pridemate gets another plus one/plus one counter too. Your turn.”

With those ten damage, I am down to four, and my fate is pretty much sealed. But I draw an island, which goes onto the battlefield after a moment of celebration, because I can finally cast Niv-Mizzet and attempt to save myself. “Niv-Mizzet, Parun. Flying, this spell can’t be countered. Whenever you draw a card, Niv deals one damage to any target. Whenever a player casts an instant or sorcery, you may draw a card. And it’s a five/five.” I pause. “Your turn.”

Fitz draws a card and says, “This is very blue. Sorry not sorry.”

I only have a moment to fear for Niv before Fitz casts, “Conclave tribunal. Exile target nonland permanent an opponent controls until it leaves the battlefield. Begone, Niv-Mizzet.”

I look down angrily at dive down, with its hexproof until end of turn that could have saved Niv as I put it into Exile.

One more mana and I could have saved myself. Exile.

“Attack with all of your creatures and I am sure I am very dead,” I say for Fitz.

He still takes pleasure in counting, “two, four, six, ten, eleven, twelve. Yeah, you’re right.”

“Thanks,” I say monotonously, already gathering my cards into a pile to reshuffle. “Best out of three?”

“What happened to Mr. Workaholic that was here fifteen minutes ago?” Fitz asks.

“He’s been replaced by Mr. Competitive and he is very ready to grind you and your deck into a pulp.”

Fitz looks at me, smirking, and attempts once again to shuffle his cards the fancy way before just dividing them into piles. I take them from him and shuffle because that method takes three years.

We play another game, where I have to go first, and I am fairly sure that I die even faster than the first game.

“Best out of five?” Fitz suggests.

Disproportionately angry, I snap, “Not with that deck you won’t.”

“Aw, what happened?”

“That deck is evil and if it mysteriously disappears, I had nothing to do with it.”

Fitz smiles. “Yeah, sure, you didn’t.”

I glare at him.

He gives it a whole second before asking, “So what now?”

“Back to work for me, I guess.”

“That’s no fun. Can I do anything to help?”

“Depends. Have you manifested as a Technopath in the past, like, week, and neglected to tell me? You’ve been here pretty much the entire time so there was most certainly an opportunity.”

“I’m going to go with highly doubtful.”

“Work on your shuffling technique if you get too bored,” I say, turning back around.

I can hear him attempt to shuffle and it’s still not down to science after four tries. What am I going to do with him?

I unplug my headphones, so Fitzy doesn’t have to sit in silence, and put my Disney playlist on shuffle, angrily curated through too many hours of looking through official Disney soundtracks.

The first one up is Be Prepared from The Lion King, and, well, I’m automatically happier. Pretty much anything from the Disney Renaissance in the nineteen nineties has that effect on me.

After some length of time, during which my only accomplishment is losing track of time, Fitz complains, “My cards are bending.”

“Flip them over. Bend them in the opposite direction,” I reply.

Now distracted, I have to go and check my email. Because we’re lucky if I don’t check it every five minutes some days.

Godzilla has sent me an email, and I curse, hands already starting to shake.

“What did I do this time?” Fitz asks.

“It’s not you. Godzilla’s planning something big. Just got a gigantic email. Lots of specs.”

Fitz swears. “This is Technopath stuff. You know I’m going to ask a dumb question.”

“Just give me one second. I’m trying to read.” I close my eyes after a paragraph. “Please tell me that Godzilla doesn’t know where Keefe is. Please.”

“You, me, Biana, and Keefe are the only ones who know where he is. You better not have been the one to tell her.”

“I wouldn’t do that!” I snap.

“Why would I know what you have and haven’t told them?”

“It wouldn’t be something important like Keefe’s location! I wouldn’t make him live in your closet if I was just going to go tell every random person on the street where he is!”

“Telling them that you’re gay isn’t important enough to not tell people?”

“You’ve always said you were fine with it! And I had to build their trust somehow! The Black Swan becoming more and more like the council isn’t good enough to be my only reason. ”

“That isn’t exactly incorrect though.”

“Wait. You’ve actually noticed that?” I ask incredulously.

“I’m not as oblivious as I used to be, you know. The whole Alvar situation dealt with a lot of that.”

“And I thank you for that. Not being a stuck up Vacker anymore.”

Fitz smiles.

After a moment, he asks, “What do you have to build for Keefe?”

“What is it called or what does it look like at half a glance? Because it’s very obviously a pathetic attempt to not trust me with information. It looks like an ability amplifier. Like Sophie, but a gadget. I can’t really blame her for not trusting me, though.”

“Wait, the Neverseen didn’t do something absurdly stupid for once?”

I look at him, wanting to smile. “It’s designed super super similarly to my ability restrictor. I might be wrong in this, so fair warning, but I’m pretty sure the only people who got my diagram of that were the Council.”

“That means...that would actually make a lot of strategic sense. The easiest way to bring down the Council would be from the inside. Can our resident Regent Dex help with that at all?”

“I can’t just call all of the Councillors at my every whim. I’m not Sophie. I can maybe get Noland and Clarette if I’m lucky.”

“That’s a start. And while we’re at it, I don’t think Bronte or Oralie would be a member of the Neverseen.”

“Or Darek,” I add, not thinking it through.

Of course, Fitz has to ask, “Why him?”

“I’m really sorry. You don’t have that clearance. But I trust him enough. Mostly because if he betrays that trust, as Marella said, be gay do crimes will become literal. And, on a sort of related note, Bronte and Fintan used to date so use that information as you will.”

“Why do you know these things? And, you said ‘used to’. Do you happen to have if or when they broke up stored in your brain somewhere?”

“One. I’m gay, and elves around here are very closeted while also desperately wanting to talk about gay things. It all comes with the territory. Two. No clue but I’d like to google search my own brain just in case. I don’t think Fintan would be rotting in his prison cell if he could just call Bronte to get him out of there.

“Okay that’s fair. Any more relevant non-Technopath details of the email?”

“If you’re asking where and when Godzilla will be using this, the answer is I have no clue. I can probably try to buy us some time because I can set the timeline. No device, no evil plans. I can maybe get a week. Give Sophie--and the useless Black Swan I guess--a second to figure out what we should do.”

“I really don’t know if you’ve heard this, or if it’s actually relevant, but Foxfire’s going to be opening up again next Monday.”

“That’s a good way to get a lot of people together. And with Keefe’s already powerful new ability plus an amplifier, you have to know it isn’t going to be good. And even if I mess up the device on purpose, Gisela still knows how to use blackmail. There’s no getting ourselves out of this.”

“You’re such an optimist,” Fitz says sarcastically.

“Wonderboy, I think we’ve been through enough by now to expect the worst.”

“Do you want me to go hail Sophie? Have her get people together to discuss what we should do this time?”

“Yeah,” I say, turning back around to my computer. “Just in the other room if you don’t mind.”

He heads into the other room, and the muffled sound of conversation can be heard through the wall.

#kotlc #detz #dex dizznee #fitz vacker #kotlc fanfic #this is an mtg chapter but it does have some plot relevance okay #i'm not just providing adorable filler #look at that anachronism i'm so good at this

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