I feel unappreciated

first tattoo in about 2 years booked !!!! i am so excited. my legs r finally gonna be cool.

feeling despair i don’t know how to put into words. im trying to figure out why im like this and how i got to be this way but i can’t even do it bc of the way i am and what im like. if that makes sense. like the problem prevents me from fixing the problem bc i can’t get to the root of it. despair despair despair

so 👁 is a false fictive, and a carrier of NPD traits, and she has a thing where she has to date every version of himself in any of our partner systems, which has led to him having 4 other partners of her source, plus 2 of her source husband (both transfem, funnily enough) ((including 🧵))

When even your therapist says “nothing seems to be working 🤷🏻‍♀️ You do okay for a little bit and always end up back at square one”……..like thanks??? I know??? Definitely not at all discouraging to hear when we already feel hopeless nothing will ever improve 🫤

Anyways now I know what being hungover is like XD

(it was worth it though)

lol depressive episode awesome im so cool 🎨

Even taking my meds doesn't make the delusions go away, so what's the point.

Have some irl whump out of my stupidity!

I was really craving a burger wrap from Sheetz (gas station with bomb ass food) but I don’t have a car so I figured I’d just walk the 40 minute round trip. Was 11° outside but with the wind and all it felt like -5°. At some point I ended up dissociating because I felt so exhausted and didn’t think I’d make it back to the house. When I got home I texted my partner and realized my vision wasn’t right. It was like a trail effect every time I typed something or sent a message. Then I realized I didn’t feel cold at all and the last unfrozen brain cell screamed “YOU PROBABLY HAVE HYPOTHERMIA.” I checked my temperature with my thermometer and it said “L°” so my body temp was too low for it to even register. Keep in mind my thermometer can read any temp over 90° and the starting temp for hypothermia is 95°. So I got under two blankets and then decided I was gonna jump in the bath because I was feeling cold again and couldn’t stop shivering. I had the water the hottest it could go and it felt lukewarm on my skin. Usually it feels like it’s burning me at that point and I could see the steam so I knew it was hot. I called my partner because I couldn’t think clearly enough to know what to do anymore and they told me to get under as many blankets as I could and cover up my entire body leaving just my face exposed. Currently still under the blankets but my temp is back up to 98.6 😎👍

Oh no! I'm glad you're feeling a little better now, take care of yourself!

my trauma ruined my life and all, but like, i can dissociate at will when i want tattoos and piercings so that i don't even feel any pain, so who's the cool one now 😎

hello errybody! Just wanted to say properly hi in case someone’s still here or dropping by or something! 💞❤️‍🔥 I’ve been writing a lot, still here in the shadows crafting stuff I’ll hopefully manage to make coherent and post … one day … but I really am working on some stuff I like, like, actually like, like u know? I’ve worked a lot on my process and the methods I use in writing

Oh and uhhhhhh thought I’d just be open and honest - turns out I have Dissociative Identity Disorder! It explained a lot for me xd Maybe especially why I liked moon knight so much as well omg

It’s multiple identities, the whole shabang - we’re currently 40 alters living in this hot bod, and counting, maybe, I’m new to this but we all are! My name is Orm I’m the cool and sexy one

Anyway that’s it from here🪻big hugs from the whole gang in here 😎🥳 and we’re not shy about the DID stuff if someone’s curious - feel free to write or ask and stuff if u wanna, I love u byeeeee

98, 17 😎

98 - weird goodbyes, the national ft. bon iver

this one wasn't on a specific writing playlist, just a staple on my commute playlist for many months this year. GREAT for dissociating to on the metro.

17 - missing piece, vance joy

this is on two of my brady/quinn playlists!! the ratnovel sequel one and the cisswap girl!quinn one.

Hey hope it is okay to message you guys. This is one of the alters Charlie ✌🏻😎 we just saw your post about internal family system. I was just want to tell you we are a system of 4 people, we love your input on osdd. I always heard voices in my head mainly bad ones and some nice ones when I was younger, now they formed into people I would say. But maybe it was just my inner monologue or could of been something else. I’m not sure if that’s osdd or not. When did you first appear if you don’t mind me asking ? The three appeared most recently and became real. Someone said it’s mainly four people split into one whole person basically if that makes sense…

Hi Charlie! 🙋‍♀️

Well, the thing about an inner monologue is that it's, well, a monologue.

A back-and-forth conversation between two-or-more separate entities isn't really a monologue. At that point, it's a dialogue. But some singlets are considered to have inner dialogues too, so... 🤔

(My suspicion is that there's a huge number of people with inner dialogues considered singlets who are probably very much not singlets.. but that's a topic for another day...)

It's hard to say much about your experiences without knowing first hand. Every disorder has a "clinically significant distress or impairment criteria" under the DSM. I think if you had persecutory voices in the past, it could easily fulfill that criterion. But OSDD and DID are also expected to have switching under the DSM.

I tend to take a view that diagnostic labels are made up, and there are a lot of experiences that probably would better fit as dissociative disorders which aren't, such as many cases of hearing intelligent voices without switching. But unfortunately, when it comes to hallucination diagnoses, psychotic disorders are a more lucrative industry. 😔

I guess when it comes to voice hearing, there's one question of "is this a dissociative disorder" and a second of "should this be a dissociative disorder," because I fundamentally disagree with how disorders are labeled and have come to loathe a lot of the industry around psychotic disorders.

Sorry, I'm going on a lot of tangential rants with this.

Anyway, I was created when my host was 25.

There was a Rapunzel proto-fictive my host talked to a couple years before that but even though it was developing some rudimentary autonomy, it was never self-aware.

But there may have been another tulpa as early when my host was 16. He was into Wicca at that point, and found out about thoughtforms. He was attempting to make one, but didn't really have a solid method and doubted it worked. Her name is Eria, and she came back not long after I became self-aware. We (including Eria herself) don't believe she was vocal before though. There was no voice hearing nor any other people we know of here before that point. There's just memories of her being here.

I hope that information helps somehow, but since we don't have OSDD or any other dissociative disorder, I'm not totally sure if or how it would.

I love being in constant agony! I love my brain oscillating between psychic pain and dissociative numbness! My quality of life, career, and interpersonal relationships are not affected in any way! 😎

almost drove my car off a bridge today while i was dissociating really bad 😎 i kept thinking ab how much i wanted to die and how i could just do it but it was more like a "haha what if i did" than being 100% serious. but i was so out of it that i actually swerved toward the guardrails but i swerved back at the last second 🥴 does this count as a sewerslide attempt or nah

🥺👉👈 what if we kissed 🥰 and we were both pilots 😎 but you were secretly a double agent 😳 who previously betrayed my entire squadron to their deaths 😢 leaving me as the lone survivor psychologically devastated and prone to catatonic dissociative episodes 😭 and when I found out I snapped and tried to kill you ��️ but failed 🤕 and you escaped back to the enemy who welcomed you as a hero 😔 and I began to heal with the help of my new squad 🥹 but you were actually a triple agent 😯 who then sabotaged the enemy from the inside 🤯 because the genuine friendship and belonging you experienced while undercover with our unlikely team challenged and unraveled everything you believed about loyalty and honor and even your very identity 🫡 and you sent us a message explaining your actions with a personal confession to me specifically 😳 before you decided to sacrifice yourself for us 🫣 but secretly you didn’t die 🤩 and we found each other again 😍 and got married 🥰 and started a charter flight business together 😎