#didn't realize they did so much with these transition sessions!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sethsclearwater · 1 year

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more fluff with poly!sethxreaderxpaul with their baby! i love them sm!! 🥺🥺

they're the cutest🥺

...

"pretty girl," seth's soft voice pulled you out of your sleep. you let out a low groan, rolling over as you blearily knuckled at your eyes as you woke yourself up.

"'s wrong?" you murmured, sitting up to see paul standing in the doorway with your baby and seth sitting next to you with the pump.

seth smiled softly at you, "you gotta pump," he murmured, knowing how irritated you'd be in the morning if you woke up with sore boobs from not pumping all night.

you groaned softly, nodding as you took the pump from seth, allowing him to help get you situated. paul came over a moment later, sitting down next to the two of you with your sleeping newborn in his arms.

"when did he wake up?" you asked softly, looking up at paul who offered you a small smile.

"just a few minutes ago. just wanted to be held," he reassured, leaning over to press a soft kiss to the crown of your head and you nodded, smiling at your sleeping baby.

seth got up, stretching his arms over his head once he finally got the pump set up and turned on. he was pretty religious about keeping you on a good pumping schedule, having alarms and reminders constantly going off on his phone every few hours to remind him to remind you to pump. you were grateful for the help, seeing as you probably would've forgotten about it yourself if you didn't have him there to help you.

"want anything from the kitchen?" he asked you and paul and you giggled, shaking your head.

"it's the middle of the night seth." you whispered, giggling again when he rolled his eyes at you playfully.

"‘s not making me any less hungry." he teased before heading into the kitchen to grab a snack for him and paul while you relaxed into the bed, turning your attention to your baby who whimpered as he subconsciously adjusted himself in paul's arms.

you peeked up at paul who offered you a small smile, "you feeling okay?" he asked softly and you nodded, letting out a sigh as you got the pump switched to the other breast.

"jus' tired." you explained and he nodded, leaning over to press another soft kiss to your forehead.

the three of you had worked out a pretty solid schedule. paul and seth alternated getting up with the baby in the middle of the night while they only woke you up when you needed to pump or feed him. it worked out quite well so the three of you could get relatively decent amounts of sleep throughout the night which was much needed, especially since you were still newly post-partum.

"just a few more minutes and then you can go back to bed." he reassured and you nodded, smiling at him.

"you two are the best." you whispered as the third member of your trio came back in with a box of cheez-its that had you giggling.

seth playfully rolled his eyes at you as he got back in the bed, allowing you to lean into his side as he munched on the cheez-its, "you want any?" he asked and you giggled, nodding as he put a cheez-it in your mouth before doing the same for paul, all three of you laughing softly at the situation.

the pump let out a soft beep, letting the three of you know that you were done with this session. you let out a soft sigh of relief as seth helped you take it off, "look at you go mama!" seth cooed excitedly as he held up the bag of milk you'd pumped, "such a good job." he smiled as you giggled, leaning over to press a soft kiss to your temple before taking the pump and all its parts to the kitchen so he could get it cleaned for you.

paul chuckled, rolling his eyes, "can i see him?" you asked paul and he nodded, handing you your baby who let out a little whimper when you transitioned, quickly calming down when he realized he was in your arms and not a stranger's.

"i think he should stay in here for the night if he's been fussy." you said softly to paul who nodded.

"you wanna try laying him down in his crib for a little bit then?" he asked and you nodded, allowing him to take your baby back, quickly setting him down in the bedside crib you had set up.

thankfully, he didn't seem to upset about the change, only whimpering for a few moments before falling back asleep in the crib. seth came back in then, quickly climbing back into bed with you and paul, "he staying in here tonight?" seth asked when he noticed your baby sound asleep in the crib next to paul who nodded.

"mhm," you hummed as you laid back down, taking paul's hand and tugging him to lay down with you as you curled into seth's chest.

both boys let out breathy laughs at your sleepiness, allowing you to get comfortable before all three of you drifted off.

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lutawolf · 7 months

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My Dear Gangster Oppa Commentary Ep 5

If you haven't read my other commentary on the show. You can find it here. Sorry this is late, hope you still enjoy.

@bl-bam-beyond

The scene starts with them at the beach and transitions to them walking into a hotel room while kissing. Tew double checks that Guy is still okay and once he gets the green light it's all done for.

I love the feet tangled, and that Guy is a very active participant. He wants Tew just as much as Tew wants him.

@bl-bam-beyond

The good thing about being late to writing my review is all the bomb ass gifs. Especially since I can't get my discord still frames to show up. Something really wonky is going on with my Tumblr.

Anyway, Guy is giving off super shy vibes. Unless he is talking about Tew's scars, then he turns into a whiney baby. He quickly learns that maybe he didn't want to know as much as he thought.

Ahhh, here we have talks of Tew leaving the gang again. Boss Daddy isn't going to let him go easily, me thinks.

"I'm all grown up!" but I stayed the night with a friend. 🤣🤣🤣 Tew teasing Guy is too adorable. We are having a too cute sappy moment, so of course that's when Wahl has to show up.

Okay, I'm all about friends being concerned but this just screams ownership. When he doesn't own Guy! Meanwhile, the entire time Wahl is running his mouth, Tew is making some expressions in the background. Which I'm loving. Wahl just doesn't realize that he is only safe because of Guy.

Fuck, I love Guy's speech.

"Listen to me, Wahl. I admit I've changed." He is asking Wahl to listen to him. This is a good way to start a conversation when you need someone to hear you, but this only works if the person values you. He then gives Wahl the benefit of telling him he is right. This will actually make Wahl more receptive to listening because he is showing this isn't a negative conversation set to place blame. "I used to be insecure and have no friends until I met you." Again, using positives in the conversation before the negatives is going to keep the listener receptive. He's also showing that he values Wahl. "You were the friend that I cared about the most. I tried to do the things you liked. Applied to the same university as you. Attempted to fit in with your friends." He is keeping this about himself and not blaming. "Do you know why? Because you told me, I would always be your first choice." You see Wah's eyes drop, and he is clearly thinking, because he is receptive to what Guy is saying. "I've been holding onto what you said for so long. So long until I've become tired of them." Now he is addressing the negative. He is exasperated with himself and Wahl for allowing himself to be stagnant and for Wahl trying to keep him there. "I want to have my own life and someone who truly understands me."

Now we have a sad Wahl at the beachside having a self awareness melt down. Meanwhile, Tew is having a beachside pouting session. He all happy once Guy spills the beans and a cute flirty moment ensues. Now he is more than happy to eat the cake that his boyfriend is offering.

Awww, he wants something personal from Guy.

These two have become sickly cute and I love it. From the teasing to the bite on the nose. I'm entranced.

Boss Daddy can read Tew very well. He knows he did something wrong, he already knew about the lying, and he knows that Tew is in love.

Damn. Daddy not playing around. You got one shot buddy, make it count. But Tew is taking those chances and is lucky. I like that he still shows respect, and I still maintain that Boss Daddy cares for Tew. It's just that he is a gangster boss.

Then Tew accepts the beating that he knew was coming. Relying on his moments with Guy to sustain him. He wraps the handkerchief from Guy around his hand and endures.

Meanwhile, in the land of guilds, they are not happy.

Just as we're about to have a reunion. Tew shows up bloody and beaten. Did the dumbass really suggest calling the police. Did his common sense leave with his virginity? This is so fucking cheesy... I mean, I like it, but it's still cheesy. "Why are you crying?" "I never want to see you hurt like this again. It hurts everywhere." We are falling into the "He fell first, but he fell harder troupe."

We get sweet promises, moments and kisses. Some TLC. That sadly doesn't move to more. Sad for both us and Tew. I'm with you, Tew. Sex makes everything better.

They are so playful. I love it.

So they'll have to do some clean up, but the besties quit the gang together and they've got a plan! If you think this is too easy, then you're right, but let's just enjoy the moment while we can.

Guy and Boss quickly realize that they need help, and guess who shows up.

I love these bitches. Let the teasing and cuteness commence!

I adore Boss's flirtiness, but damn, I don't trust him. Neither does Tul. Also, what did Phai's business card say that had Guy making that face? I have so many questions!!!

And we establish that Muffin is an idiot, but the other two aren't. But it instigated the official announcement of TewGuy. Which, of course, everyone pokes fun at. Good Times.

Tul really doesn't trust Boss. Looks like he was right not to. He works for Wish John Lennon. Sure it's by force but so what. He betrayed the person he is, claiming he'll always be beside. You thin Tew would do that to Guy?

Tul cares but doesn't trust. That is a mood there. One that is valid considering that Boss drugs their drinks.

And that is where the episode concludes. If I was Boss, I would be very afraid of what Tew will do to him for hurting Guy. But we'll have to wait and see.

#my dear gangster oppa #tew x guy #tewguy #luta talks my dear gangster oppa #thai bl #iqiyi drama #coconuts mafia #coconuts mafia day rip #I'm sorry that this isn't as good as unusual. We lost a friend and while I wanted to write this. It's hard to be happy.

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muzzleroars · 11 months

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Can Revived V1 feel emotions? If so how does it feel at first? Is it the same when it feels others emotions?

it can!! v1 has always had the capacity for deeply complex emotions, but it tended not to dwell on things because it never really saw the point in doing so - v1 is primarily a being that engages with its senses and with its physical world, so unless expressing the emotion would immediately affect something, it rarely engaged with them for too long. however, once it's resurrected, it finds itself thinking much longer on existential emotions, its incorporated angelic side given to much more philosophical thought. it's odd for v1, finding itself lost in thought far more than it ever has been as it contemplates more difficult emotions that it often neglected as a machine. in fact, it loses a lot of time at first because it fails to realize when it disengages from the world and gives all of its resources over to thinking over its feelings, why it's feeling them, and where they stem from. v1 was never a daydreamer in the slightest, so it's a bit confusing for it as well frustrating in a way, but it eventually readjusts to have a better balance - it becomes far more open to the full spectrum of its emotion than it once was but it learns to experience them without getting caught in loops lasting hours examining them.

feeling other's emotions is INCREDIBLY off-putting to it though and represents one of its biggest struggles in adjusting to its new existence. v1 wasn't made to have empathy and it only experienced it minimally before this - it developed understanding of gabriel's emotions and slowly learned to recognize them to be sympathetic, it could share in his pain, but actually conceptualizing his experience simply wasn't in its nature. additionally, this was largely confined to gabriel and perhaps, though even then more limited, to the few friends it may have made. so. having to now experience others' emotions in a very real way felt invasive and alien at the start, overloading it to the point that v1 likely did everything it could to isolate itself. it takes gabriel a bit of time to figure out what's going on, with v1 even distancing itself from him considering how intense his emotions are directly after its resurrection. it honestly believes itself to be severely malfunctioning, emotions regularly overwhelming it until it finds itself examining this intensity to conclude all of it is coming from external sources. those emotions are not its emotions, they are instead put onto it and it then experiences them as if they are its own. this leads to a particularly long thought session, which it's only broken out of by gabriel and leads into it clumsily attempting to explain what it's just discovered. but gabriel knows now, understands what it's saying even if it can't find easy words to describe it because he knows it doesn't have those words.

and again, after it spills out those largely garbled thoughts, gabriel apologizes to it. he knows he put a lot on it by doing this, and he knows he didn't fully think through the complications that would come out of it even if he was successful. he relates to it very much though, with his transition into a fallen angel being anything but smooth, and he promises to do as much as v1 had for him in that time. v1, on the other hand, is just relieved that he knows exactly what it's talking about and can offer it an explanation lol like i mentioned before, v1 is highly adaptable and by nature is used to handling wild changes to its functioning after spending what must have been years in development...but it's nice to finally have someone that doesn't expect it to make all those adjustments on its own. gabriel will be there to assist it and adjust accordingly with it, and that really quells a majority of any of the anxiety it might have held as a result of its resurrection

#this was longer than i meant it to be!!! aaaa!!!#but the emotional adjustment is the biggest one for v1 #it's disorienting and bizarre to it #so it takes a lot of help from gabriel to let it settle into something more comfortable #(plus maybe building some code that helps dampen those external emotions)#cake answers #risen v1 #rise and fall au

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smokee78 · 10 months

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This is such a vague question but how did you do it? I'm assuming therapy helped a lot but like. Idk did you have to unpack all of the trauma or like. Idk. It sounds like a whole lot of effort and honestly congrats. I'm just curious how you managed to achieve it

Yes thank you so much for the question!

So I started EMDR therapy in April 2022, which is a type of therapy that helps process and desensitize trauma memories, and negative beliefs held due to trauma. You don't need an exact clear image/memory of the trauma for this to work, and in my experience it worked really well for my complex/ongoing traumas (ex. neglect and long term bullying) as well as for our "one time incident" more PTSD-like traumas.

shortly after beginning EMDR, a lot of our DID symptoms began to fluctuate, some weeks they were really bad, some they were noticeably much better. this is because EMDR doesn't only happen during sessions- your brain actually continues the reprocessing being the scenes in the background, which can cause extra stress in the meantime! but the end result is worth it.

of course, EMDR comes with a lot of safety measures and checking in before starting the therapy to make sure you are safe, and have a plan if things get to be too much.

I'd say maybe a few months in, we had a big even we dubbed "the fusening" in which many of our fragments "gave up" their form as they no longer felt it necessary to stay separate. some "larger" and more dominant parts fused at this time too, some 1:1 with another part, and others just seemed to dissipate.

I'd say by 4-5 months in we'd gone from over 90 identified parts down to a nebulous 30-50. We were also nearly (80% of the time?) always blurry, so it was hard to identify who was left.

we also identified some new parts at this time, who had been dormant and stuck behind a layer that previously was not able to contact us before processing trauma.

we stuck around 10-20 parts for a whole, working our way through traumasostly chronologically, and hit some big targets. it was hard and exhausting work, and left me on edge almost 24/7. but I could tell despite the exhaustion, I was getting better. I was still getting amnesia, but switches and headaches were much less noticeable, we were no longer finding new parts or splitting new parts, and it felt like I had the control to find healthy coping mechanisms on my own with out my brain trying to cope for me (by splitting).

these past few months I've actually been on a break from EMDR- my therapist noticed my avoidant behaviours to dealing with a lot of the trauma I faced from my parents, and I have a big school exam coming up. so we left it for the summer, to reconvene in October after my exam.

at that point I'd had about three alters left, two nearly identical, the current host and a similar alter, and in the process of trying to meld, and one of the earliest alters and most developed, and distinct we'd had.

in the meantime, I started regular talk therapy with a new therapist, less intense but to hopefully get some help with non trauma processing based issues, maybe try to grapple some of the parental issues without trauma targets.

We focused a lot on identity, as, despite having over 90 at one point, I felt completely lost! I didnt know who I was, what I wanted, and who I could be if I let myself. I was trying my best to "go along with the flow", but I didn't realize that didn't mean I had to like *everything*, even if I was open to new experiences!

I learned how to be on my own and still have fun in the absence of other people. I started broadening my horizons and going to local punk shows and learning it was okay to not be mainstream and still be safe! I came out to more people about my gender identity and started the process to transition medically, and started being more open socially about being gender non conforming. I learned I really, really, hate cooking, and that's okay.

about a few weeks ago, I had a falling out with my parents. I won't go into detail because I don't think it's relevant, but I decided our relationship wasn't healthy, and I cut them off for good. I'd previously done this two years ago as well, but we reconciled and tried to make it work. but this time, it was clear the only person that was interested in changing to make things work was me, and after finally getting a taste of figuring out who I could be, I was done sacrificing myself for the sake of making them happy.

stem, the last part to fuse with beau, held pretty much all the resentment for sacrificing ourself and not getting to be ourself. she held all the bitterness, the teenage and adulthood angst, all the rage. she'd been very stubborn about it all. to the point where beau as the host (this is getting confusing to type- I'm both sten and beau now. I'm one. but I'm trying to talk from beaus perspective about stem), had finally said "look. I know we wanted final fusion. but I'm okay if you want to stay stem and we'd changed our minds. we don't have to final fuse to still be an advocate for compassion towards those who choose final fusion, and we're not betraying ourselves or anyone else if we stay separate."

stem said "thank you" to this, which was the first time she'd shown any genuine positive emotion towards beau or the rest of the system. (she was a persecutor at one point, turned to no role/sort of protector ish role).

beau was shocked, as he never thought stem would let go of the bitterness she'd held to the rest of the system, the fact that she'd gone dormant and lost the host role at one point, and many other traumas.

there was genuine understanding and compassion towards each other as individual parts.

that night, stem was around and feeling list and hopeless about the reason we'd cut off our parents again. we vented to our friends, they listened, validated our feelings and... we felt better. the feelings laid to rest a little, though the grief was still fresh.

we left the conversation, and noticed we had a headache+foggy feeling we usually associated with a split. we commented to a friend we may be splitting, which hadn't happened in a while, but was understandable with the stress we were dealing with

except. it wasn't a split. we fused. stem was heard by herself and her system, and validated and respected by her friends. despite losing her adoptive family (not blood- we were adopted at birth), stem had found acceptance and love from our new chosen family and friends. that was enough to let go of the hate and bitterness and rage and let herself be one with the full range of emotions and personhood final fusing could give us in this way. I also use Stem as a preferred name in addition to Beau now, which I feel is fitting. I'm them, they are both a part of me even though we're all one now.

I hope this answered your question! one other thing to note, through a lot of hard work and cooperation, we were previously able to fuse a fragment and an alter together before any therapy, with a lot of help from those who'd already experienced fusion. it's not impossible to fuse some alters on your own. (though I would say it would be very unlikely to final fuse without outside help)

#syscourse #final fusion #did #osdd #didosdd #actually did #actually osdd #plural #pluralgang #diary #recovery #living with cptsd

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onebigerror · 4 months

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@araneorum closed starter

"jill..." cade pulled back when he felt her hand start to trail down his stomach. putting the breaks on another makeout session was better than letting her discover the truth without him telling her. he felt confused and frustrated and didn't know how to make it any better. with the zombie apocalypse raging around them he didn't have much time to think about things that didn't involve survival. but here with jill it was all he could think about. her and how he was somehow deceiving her by letting her think he was something he wasn't. he had been sheltered his entire life and then thrust into the end of the world with no guidance on anything. especially how he felt about himself. cade had literally begun his transition without even knowing what to really do. he just knew that how he felt inside had never matched who he was on the outside. his hippie parents had never put any emphasis on gender and allowed him to have the freedom to dress however he wanted without a single question. after they'd died and he was on his own he realized that he could be whoever he wanted to be. no one knew him aside from caroline and he might never see her again. he'd bound his chest, and wore the most masculine clothing he could find. cadence died and he was simply cade from that point and - much like with everyone he'd encountered - the past didn't matter. that didn't stop the horrifying violation he'd experienced with the drifter he'd traveled with for a while. however, that was something he'd probably keep locked inside forever and might never talk about. it was over and the drifter was now dead - or at least a walker himself - lost in a hoard that cade survived and he hadn't. "i'm so sorry i keep stopping. i just have to tell you the truth." how did he go about this? he'd never expected to get close enough to someone for intimacy to be involved. this was more than that - he loved jill - and he knew it. he was in love with her. "i'm not..." who you think i am? what you think i am? how did he word this? life didn't come with a guidebook sadly. "i'm a boy..." mentally but not physically? "i just wasn't born one." that sounded like the easiest possible answer. short and to the point even if it didn't fully make sense to him.

#araneorum #↾ cade x jill (003 / araneorum) ↿#↾ ֍ cade moss ⋯ interactions ֎ ↿#↾ ֍ cade moss ⋯ closed starter ֎ ↿#↾ ֍ all queued up : queue ֎ ↿#( add to thread tracker )

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smartycvnt · 2 years

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Something's Got a Hold on Me

Pairing: Drew Gulak x Reader

Summary: You cut your training session with Drew shut when it becomes too much to handle.

You were beyond nervous as you stood outside of the Performance Center. This was the first step in you getting back into the ring after your nearly career ending injury. The doctors had told you to modify your move set to include less high flying and springboard moves. That shouldn't have made you as nervous as it did. Your entire move set was essentially moves like that, and it was what the fans had come to expect of you. However, you weren't ready to hang up the boots yet without giving this modified moves thing a chance. This was a big risk though, rebranding yourself would be a big deal, one that other superstars hadn't done too successfully before you. You were about to turn around when your phone vibrated again. You knew who it was, and you knew that Drew wouldn't let you just sulk around in your house by yourself any longer.

"Thank god you came in here by yourself. I did not want to have to go get you outside," Drew said as he saw you approaching the practice rings. There were a couple already in use, but Drew had reserved one in the corner for the two of you. You didn't want an audience of people watching you try to learn how to do moves that had never come easily for you. Jumping and flipping around had always been your thing. Those had been effortless and made sense to you. It was the grappling you had trouble with. When you jumped there was only a target, but when you threw someone else around there was more danger to it.

"Sorry that I kept you waiting. I, uh, just needed a moment," you told him. Drew nodded as he put his hand on your shoulder. This was a lot to deal with, but there was nobody you trusted more than Drew. He helped you into the ring and went through the stretches with you to get warmed up. You ran the ropes by yourself a couple of times before finally feeling ready to start wrestling with him. Drew didn't have to walk you through a lock up, but he still did. He called out different holds and you tried to transition through them as smoothly as you could.

"I don't know why you say you're so terrible on the mat. All of that was great. You should have listened to me when I told you that you didn't need all that flying shit," Drew said to you as the two of you took your first water break. You pinched the bridge of your nose and shook your head. Talking about this with Drew was not something that you wanted to do. He had been the only one who was apprehensive about the combination of moves that you used, claiming that you were putting your body through more hell than it needed to go through. Now as you sat there relearning all of the basics, you realized that he was right. You wouldn't tell Drew that, not in a million years.

"Nobody was ever that impressed with me before. Not even you thought my holds looked good," you reminded him. Drew opened his mouth like he was going to argue with you, but you shut that down pretty quickly. "I've got more experience now anyways, so whatever I do is going to look better. I've had a lot of teachers in the girls I've wrestled with."

"And you've got the best teacher right here. Not to brag or anything," Drew said. You laughed at him as you got back up to your feet. Drew set his water bottle down in the corner and set you up try out a few suplexes with him. You couldn't have prepared yourself for the feeling of Drew wrapping his around you from behind as he showed you the German. In that moment, you had relaxed into his arms, which was a mistake. He didn't try to throw you, but he definitely noticed the way that your body released all of its tension. You tore yourself away from him and tried to distance yourself, but Drew followed you. "Y/n, I'm sorry."

"I need to go," you said. Drew watched as you gathered your things and rolled out of the ring. Nobody was paying any attention to the two of you, and he didn't want to draw their attention. He moved as quickly as he could without literally running after you. Drew caught up to you a few feet away from your car. "Drew, please leave this alone. Go back inside."

"No. I've waited too long for you to let me back in to just let you run away again. What happened to us?" Drew asked you. His voice cracked in a way that you had only ever heard once before. Guilt gnawed at you as you pulled yourself away from the memory of you asking Drew for time and space. All he had wanted to do was take care of you, but you couldn't handle the idea of depending on someone else like you had begun depending on Drew. "I don't know how you feel about me, but I still love you."

"Drew-," you sighed, "-you really shouldn't. I'm a fucking mess, you don't deserve that."

"I deserve to be with someone who makes me happy, and I've tried to find happiness elsewhere, but it's just not there. I don't know how the hell you did it, but you've got a hold on my happiness. So please, just stop pushing me away and give me another chance."

"You never blew your first one," you admitted. Drew looked confused, always having assumed that he was the reason the two of you didn't end up working out. "You made me so happy, and it scared me. Eventually you'd wise up and find someone else. I didn't want to hold you back."

"You never could have held me back. If anything, you pushed me to want to be better. Since I never blew my chance with you, do you think that I could come see you sometime?" Drew asked you. You nodded as you reached out towards him. He placed his hands in yours, letting you swing his arms nervously as the two of you slowly moved closer to one another. Drew pressed his lips to the top of your head before letting go of your hands. "Give me a call when you get home, take care of yourself."

"You could always take me home," you offered.

"Tempting, but I'd hate to move too fast and scare you away again. Go home and get some rest. Maybe watch a little tape, pick out some moves you wanna work on for next time," Drew told you. You rolled your eyes at the fact that he was giving you homework, but you'd end up doing it anyways. Especially since you knew that you could invite Drew to watch film with you and he would. You wouldn't be surprised if he came to you next week with a list of potential moves for you to use.

#wwe x reader #wwe #wwe imagine #wwe imagines #drew gulak #drew gulak imagine #drew gulak imagines #drew gulak x reader

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saxophones · 1 year

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What made you detransition or rather how did you realize you no longer identify as such? /gen

Well basically I went to a gender therapist per the recommendation of my regular therapist (who fully believed I was trans but she didn't feel comfortable prescribing HRT considering her lack of experience in the field). I had about 20 sessions with him and at one point after about 8 he said that based on the criteria for gender dysphoria he was prepared to write me a prescription for HRT but he wanted to know that I was comfortable with it. I realized I wasn't because giving up the possibility of having biological children hit me like a huge truck. I am aware that some trans men can get pregnant but it's not a sure thing for everyone and also the idea of being perceived as a pregnant man made me very uncomfortable (back then I would have said dysphoric, in reality I'm sure it was just the social stigma), more uncomfortable than the idea of being perceived as a pregnant woman. I am adopted and I have seen firsthand how hard it was for my mom to not have her own bio kids. She still feels sad about it even though I am enough for her. I had always planned on having kids and went through a phase when I was 15 or 16 where I was researching pregnancy in-depth. This should have been another sign I was cis lol.

Anyway so I told my gender therapist I wanted to wait and have a couple kids with a likeminded bisexual cis man or trans woman and then transition. We then spent several sessions talking about other things entirely. In my mind I still identified as a closeted trans man for another year or so but I only told my boyfriend at the time who was bi so he didn't care and I un-came out to my parents - told them it was just a phase and they were relieved. :(

While I was dating that guy, I had a huge crush on a different cis guy who was straight. With this straight guy I would fantasize about having a straight relationship and straight sex, and eventually I did start dating him but didn't really feel the desire to come out to him as trans. I felt weird about having come out to my old bf and I wished that I could just pretend to be a cis woman again to everyone I knew. At some point it occurred to me that while the obvious explanation for this is that trans identity is stigmatized, many trans people do feel relieved when they come out regardless, especially to people that are as supportive as my boyfriend and friends were. It instead occured to me that I wanted to present as a cis woman because I WAS a cis woman but I was still kind of throwing ideas around in my head, not sure what was going on.

Then I happened to go on the subreddit for OCD and they had a bunch of subreddits for specific obsessions listed in the sidebar. I didn't know what /r/tocd stood for so I checked it out and it turns out there is a pretty common subtype of OCD based on the persistent idea that you're trans despite no evidence for this or pre-existing desire to transition (I think the sub is /r/transOCD now). I read through a bunch of posts on there and it basically explained everything I had gone through in the past few years. It was an OCD-based intrusive thought like my old ideas about having to do every problem in the math textbook or having to wear purple to open my crown chakra. Unfortunately this one was spurred on by a bit of social pressure like those posts that are like, "If you even are thinking about being trans, that means you're trans, cis people don't think about this shit" and egg memes on Reddit. Obviously there is also social pressure to NOT be trans but when you've filtered your social circle so stringently that it doesn't include any bigots and therefore anyone who would pressure you to not be trans, the pressure to accept it if you're thinking about it can be stronger in reality.

Like I'm sure that a lot of people who wonder if they're trans are the real deal, a much higher number than the general population, but people with OCD should stay far away from ideas like "If you think about X you are X." OCD makes you fixate on completely random things that have nothing to do with reality, they're not necessarily things you're afraid of, just because you fixate on being trans doesn't mean you're afraid of trans people or dislike them - it just means it's something that your brain has decided to latch onto because it's stuck in a horrible anxiety loop. Maybe I was afraid of being a man in women's spaces and the anxiety that unconsciously provoked in them, or of never coming across as feminine enough, or of my hypersexuality meaning that I was some sort of failed woman. There may very well be a rational root of the obsession but unfortunately TERFs and other people skeptical of trans people existing at all will take that and spin it to be an explanation for everyone who identifies as FTM. I'm sure a lot of trans men had similar feelings to me growing up in a lot of areas but the difference is that they have male brains and I simply don't, they're happier being men socially and physically as much as possible and I am happy with the opposite. So I hope no one takes my personal experience out of its personal context. If you have any more questions feel free to ask and sorry for the novel :)

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queerdeerskates · 1 year

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Skating journal: Days 55-???

WOW, it's been a long time since I've posted here. A lot has happened!

I've done wayyyy too much skating to detail everything here (though I do want to get back in the habit of writing up my individual sessions), so I'll give some broad strokes. I've been working on...

Park skating. I go to the skatepark a lot more often now! I try to go to adult night once a week, but the weather isn't always cooperative (and sometimes I'm just tired, lol). I've been improving at a lot of park skills: getting comfortable on transitions, improving my fakie stance, toe-stop stalls on transition, plate stalls on flat ground, and 180 jumps. I haven't gotten up the courage to drop in or even roll in yet, but I'm getting there!

Manuals. I can do heel-toe manuals pretty consistently, though it's harder with my left foot in front than with my right foot in front. I want to improve my weaker side because I think it will help with some of the things I want to start working on!

Downtowns. I'm still not great at them - I don't practice them very often - but I'm improving.

Backwards skating. I've actually made a lot of progress on this recently! I'll get into why in a moment.

Transitions. I FINALLY am getting the hang of them - they're much smoother now, and I can even do them with a little bit of speed. I've been watching Shorty's Skate Series on Youtube and some of her tips about stance have helped a lot. In particular keeping my knees bent all the way through and keeping my core engaged have been a huge help. I've also been working on getting comfortable in sidesurf position - I can't hold that stance for any length of time, but treating it as part of the transition makes the whole thing easier to pull off. I've also had an easier time looking backwards before the transition - which does make it much easier - because of the practice I've been getting with fakie skating at the park.

Now for the biggest and most exciting news...

NEW SKATES!!

These absolute beauties are my brand new Bont Parkstars, and I'm IN LOVE WITH THEM. As usual, I did a little bit of DIY on them - the stripes on the sides were gray, but I dyed them my signature colors of green/purple and blue/pink (though the pink came out more purple-ish...) I can't overstate how much I adore these skates.

I knew when I bought my Zones that they were a size too big, but decided to prioritize width over length. They worked just fine for the level I was at when I got them, but I've improved since then to the point that they were starting to hold me back. I didn't realize just how much until I put on my Parkstars, and everything got so much easier. In particular, being on skates that were too big meant that I didn't have good control over my edges, which made me feel slippy and clumsy when I was trying to turn, and made it almost impossible to skate backwards. With these skates, I can turn on a dime and backwards skating is downright easy. I mean, I went from barely being able to do backwards bubbles to managing baby crosspulls. It's been such a gratifying and joyful experience. Today I tried out a new lacing pattern on my Parkstars and it really locked my feet in place, and suddenly everything clicked. I've always wanted to be able to skate backwards because I imagined the tactile feeling of it would be really lovely, and now that I'm on skates that allow it, it's every bit as wonderful as I imagined. today I tried out a new lacing pattern on my parkstars and everything really clicked into place. Between this and my transitions becoming more natural, I'm feeling so much joy in my flow.

I bought the stock Parkstar package, which includes the boot mounted on the Bont Tracer plate. I got it with 78a Glide wheels, but I do want to buy some 99a Park Flow wheels soon. That said, after skating on borrowed 93a wheels meant for indoor skating... The Glides feel like butter. I don't regret getting them even if I do need to get another set for park skating. The Tracer plate feels dreamy compared to the Powerdyne Thrust on my Zones. And of course, the boot is massively comfortable, holding my foot in place without squeezing my toe box. I haven't heat-moulded them yet (I'm a little scared to), but I'll write up the process if I do! I also ordered Bont slide blocks at the same time, which have allowed me to work on plate stalls.

I ordered these from Department of Skate, which I highly recommend. The store owner is very knowledgeable and kind. She helped me make sure I was measuring my feet correctly and getting skates that would fit well.

Ever since the Parkstars arrived, I've been in an absolute honeymoon period with skating. I don't like to buy my way out of problems, but skating is a sport where equipment matters, and I had reached a point with my Zones where my skills had outpaced what I could do on them. Subsequently I've seen extremely rapid improvement now that I'm wearing skates that are appropriate for my level. I don't expect things will continue to improve quite this quickly, but it's been a wonderful experience and completely re-energized my love of skating.

I went skating three times this week, which is a lot more than I've been doing. Today I skated at the outdoor rink and met a group of mostly newer skaters who are practicing there. It was really exciting to make friends with them all! One skater had just started getting the hang of backwards skating, and it was so cool to watch them improve over the course of the session.

I really can't overstate how happy I am right now - I love my skates, I love the improvement I'm seeing, and I love skating!!!

#Queer Deer Writes #Skating journal #Quad skating #Roller skating

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rollanicosahedron · 2 years

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I haven't talked to my mom about gender since I first cracked my egg. I had always been generally fruity growing up, but I definitely was simultaneously performing and over correcting my masculinity.

I had known vaguely about trans people (well only trans women honestly). but it always felt like they were something I could never be. in the same way that when you see someone if a different race, no matter how much you see yourself in them, you know that you'll never be their skin color.

So when I finally made the connection in my mind that trans people could be me and wanted to take medical action to match how I felt on the inside for who knows how long, I told my mom. She assumed that I must be depressed or something and wanted to change my body in the same way people get Botox.

I can't say that I haven't internalized her mentality on bodies myself over the years. Her mentality is a strange one: The natural body (as in a body untouched by medicine) is ideal. (But she still believes that vaccines and medicine work and have beneficial effects)

It's reminiscent of a "God made you perfect" but she preached an atheist belief. But also she is very superstitious and like easily swayed by astrology and tarot. Which is just to say she is contradictory I guess.

So when I said I wanna be seen as a girl, she was supportive of crossdressing and the sort. But HRT was too much. She immediately researched all the possible negative side effects and stories of detransitioners.

She sent me to a therapist for a few sessions but I was pretty confident in my belief that I was trans and that I wanted HRT, even surrounded by the voices in my life and my head questioning if this really was a phase. But after those sessions, we never talked about it again.

I've realized since that she is and has been very anti-doctor. Even for something as simple as my eczema, she is always trying to find something "natural." Anything that sounds like it could be said on Grey's Anatomy is off limits.

We don't talk about gender or anything about that episode in our lives since, but there have been times where she is speaking seemingly to someone in the room but no one in particular about terfy ideology. Not that she knows what a terf is.

I just started HRT recently on my own, and I don't think there's much in terms of me swaying her towards my perspective. I guess I'm just upset at her for not supporting me in this. I think this is the first time where we disagreed so steadfastly from each other, the first time she didn't have my back. And most of all I'm upset that I couldn't have known this wasn't a phase. I could have been on HRT like 3 years earlier.

And as far as I know, she didn't even bring my dad in the loop. He certainly hasn't brought it up. I definitely don't want to. I think it would break my heart if I found out both my parents disagree with my existence. I definitely don't want to see their faces in the future when my transition is further along and I won't want/be able to hide it from them. If they look at me with that "where did my child go?" face I think it would be very difficult for me to refer talk to them again

#not the most coherent I've been #sorry again if it was too personal #but i need to get it out

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hideandseaking · 4 years

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Last time (and the time before that) when my players played dnd:

Part 1:

They left their old lady slug teammate to die in the gullet of a goldfish

The teammate left to die tried to go through the digestive system, failed, and then slipped out of the corner of the fish’s mouth

When she swam back to shore, she only found half the team there as the other half went to collect their reward

Her and the human teammate argue before the one who didn’t get eaten stormed off

The youngerslug who remained with the eaten one cartwheeled back to the ship with her... slug team....

The ones who left to get the reward couldn’t collect it because the prince is 12 and needs his mom’s permission

So they raided his fridge and ate fried chicken and carrots until the one who had the argument showed up

They discuss what they’re going to do next, and collect the money from the empress

They summon the ship to autopilot to where they are, which makes the ship take off right when the two slugs arrived at the location where the ship is

When they all meetup again, they barely say goodbye to the prince and then take off to go back to headquarters

The slug who got eaten gets an apology from the one who argued with her

After deciding that this was horribly exhausting, both of them go to their respective rooms

The remaining slug teammate sits in the kitchen and the giant robot rabbit stands next to her and just stares at her awkwardly

The lizard remembers that someone has to fly the ship so he takes the pilots seat

He ignores the emails from his supervisor

And realizes they need gas

Instead of landing at any planet they passed which could’ve had gas, or relanding and just getting gas on the planet they were on, he decides to take them to an asteroid gas station

But there’s a flea market there so no harm no foul

But the landing was super rough so everyone emerges to see what’s going on

The lizard takes off his hat and ties his bandana around his head to disguise himself from the burger bandits who caused him to lose his last team

Him and the younger slug leave the ship to get gas but the younger slug immediately bolts to the flea market tables

The old lady slug goes outside to rub her hands on the dirty handles of the gas station pumps

The rabbit robot realizes that the lizard is alone and runs out to guard him

The young slug decides to buy MLP comic books from a flea market stand

But doesn’t have a phone to pay (an apple pay society...............)

She runs to the ship to beg the only one on the team to pay for her comics... the human....

The human is answering emails from their supervisor to come back when the slug puppy dog eyes her into buying the comics for her

As they’re leaving the ship, they see the old slug screaming and running onto the ship, which causes the human to turn around and investigate what’s going on with that

Which leaves the young slug embarassed when she again has nothing to pay for the comic books

The old slug tells the human that her brother who killed her granddaughter is here and he has to die for what he did

She grabs her cane and the human is on board because “i understand wanting vengance on a family member”

They march out while the young slug is puppy dog eyeing the lizard for a favor and leads him to the comic books

He realizes he doesn’t have a way to pay, because he lost his phone when he lost his last team, and goes to find the human

Which leads the young slug to be embarassed for a third time in 4 minutes

The human and the old slug start harassing the table vendor where the slug last saw her brother, including trying to grapple him and failing

They look at the parking lot for his ship, which is described as looking like “a little asshole” and obviously find nothing that looks like that....

They realize they’re getting no where and go into the convenience store to harass the clerk

Who is a light-being named Chad

Who doesn’t know anything about the brother

The lizard comes back to the rabbit to see that the gas is almost $300....

And hops onto the rabbit to go find the human

They launch into the air, which drops the lizard onto the asphalt and the rabbit bangs into the metal overhang on the pumps

They realize they should just walk to the convenience store

While the young slug is shaking in embarassment, trying to get the vendor to just give her the comic books, the brother in question of the older slug appears and pays for the comics for her

She follows him to his car and asks him why he did that and he said to just be kind

She asks if he knows the older slug and he says he might if she knows the last name, but she had forgotten it

He tells her that if it is her sister then to call him, and they realize it is his sister so he gives the young slug a gift to give to his sister

And then he takes off

The group realizes they need to pay for gas and while walking back to the ship they see the young slug looking up at the sky as a ship hyperjumps away

After some hestation, she gives the older slug the gift, which is memorabilia from a legendary death-racer that the older slug admires

The older slug is extremely confused because her brother is an asshole

“What kind of game is he playing...”

The others ask what happened and she explains that her brother killed sweet baby jane, her granddaughter, years ago and she has been trying to bring justice since

They all decide they’re going to go kill him but need guns, which they don’t have

The human states “i know a guy” and they skip, hop, march, slither, and fucking walk onto the ship

Part 2:

They get on the ship and the human stops the cheering for murder by asking the older slug to explain in more detail about what happened so they can really help her

The older slug says, “About 5 years ago, my granddaughter, Sweet Baby Jane, the only person who taught me to care about anyone in the world, died.

“My brother, Blagart, is a raging alcoholic. And in the peak of his alcoholism, he got severely drunk one night. Sweet Baby Jane was sleeping on a chair, and Blagart came in, drunk and raging. He approached the chair...

“And sat on Sweet Baby Jane. Killing her.”

Cue the human trying not to laugh, the young slug bursting out laughing, and the lizard howling. The rabbit is a robot and he takes everything seriously.

The older slug realizes that they think this tragedy is a joke and says “You all can rot, I’m going to knit.”

They compose themselves and decide that they should talk to their supervisor to see if they can get help on avenging Sweet Baby Jane

The human tries to research and only finds a song called Sweet Baby Jane

They hyperjump the ship back to headquarters, which causes the lizard to fly back

The robot tries to catch him but overestimates his strength and bats him like a tennis ball

They land the ship and wander to their supervisor’s room

And she isn’t there

They realize it’s lunch time

The young slug goes into their supervisor’s chair and spins in it until she gets super dizzy and almost pukes

The lizard and the robot try to hack the supervisor’s password but they end up locking her out of her own computer

Somehow they get to talking about how their supervisor eats her lunch alone in the bathroom

The lizard recruits the human to take him to the vending machine because she has the money

The robot feels embarassed of locking the computer and stands in the corner

The old slug leaves the office and follows the human and the lizard and the young slug goes in the opposite directions

The human, lizard, and old slug find a small break room with vending machines and buy cookies and gummy bears

They tell the old slug that they’ll just call her, and the old slug decides to just try to find the cafeteria

The young slug runs into their supervisor who is carrying her lunch back to her office

They walk back to the office and the supervisor asks the rabbit what he’s doing standing in the corner

He admits that he was trying to hack the computer, and when the supervisor says that he can’t do that they start to argue before she decides to agree to disagree with him

She asks what happened with the last mission and the young slug and robot try to explain

The lizard and the human come

And they proceed to beg, whine, and harass the supervisor to let them go hunt blagart, to which she keeps saying “no” to them

The lizard hops onto her desk and rolls around throwing a tantrum

The young slug steals his gummy bears while he’s doing that

The robot almost starts throwing a tantrum too to follow the lizard’s lead but the supervisor stops it

The human tries to plead and the supervisor cuts her off and says no

The lizard realizes they’re getting nowhere with her and whispers to the human “you know someone, right?”

Suddenly, the older slug, transformed into a marylin monroe drawn from memory appears

She found the cafeteria and tried to find the supervisor by asking some workers but they barely know her, to which she tried to transform into marylin monroe but failed and gave up and decided to come back

She settles down into a chair and transforms her hand into a martini glass to sip from as she tells her whole story to the supervisor from being eaten by a goldfish to seeing her brother

She decides that she isn’t going to pursue her brother and wants to take the next mission

The supervisor dismisses them on that and tells them that they should probably eat before their next mission

They all go to the cafeteria and the lizard is asking the human about the contact

The human states that she said that as a last resort and doesn’t want to use it unless she absolutely has to

The lizard decides that he’s going to get a weapon somehow, and goes into the circuit board on the rabbit’s head

He tries and fails to make the rabbit a weapon, and instead gives him a more full spectrum of emotions

To which he gets angry and launches the lizard across the cafeteria

Luckily not many people are left in there because lunch is almost over

The group decides to get lunch, the human fish and chips, the lizard pink alien goop, the young slug gets yellow alien goop, the old slug is okay with just sliding around the dirty floor, and the rabbit takes all the carrots he can grab and immediately eats all of them before paying while the lunch lady tries to stop him

The total ended up being $63...............

They eat lunch and try to decide what they’ll do next

The human makes a racist statement about their supervisor having green skin, and anyone remaining in the lunch room decides to leave

The rabbit and the lizard decide to play an aggressive version of tag while the rest are eating

At first the young slug wanted to play until she saw the rabbit push the lizard so hard that he launched across the room, and then she sat down

The old slug stops them from playing tag and they all rally to the ship

They open their mission document and see that the people they’re helping next are aliens the only three mouths on their face, wings attached to their arms, and dull spikes protruding from under their skin

The human gets disgusted by them, thus really labeling her as a racist

They hyperjump to the planet, everyone buckled in this time so no one got flung around, and they arrive at a planet double the size of jupiter

They type in the coordinates and land outside of a city

They realize it’s extremely humid here and most of them actually really like that weather

While walking to the location of where they’ll be meeting the client, the lizard and the rabbit play ispy

They arrive at the front door of the house

And we ended there

#woo this took a lot #it ended up being two transition episodes within four days of each other so i decided to wait to type them both up #didn't realize they did so much with these transition sessions!!#wod #dnd #ttrpg #for my dnd group

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astro-rain · 3 years

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delicate; b.barnes

chapter fourteen - “pinky promise”

delicate masterlist

word count: 2.1k

synopsis: bucky and the reader reconvene after the events of the previous night, figuring out what they need to do from there. pinky promises are endearing but they don’t prevent the effects of distressed regret & emotional frustration.

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

She awoke with wet regret staining her cheeks. She remembered falling asleep with shame, liquid guilt seeping out of her eyes. Slowly and silently weeping herself to sleep while drunk. What a colossal fucking mistake she made. She felt terrible, and she could only imagine how Bucky felt. She needed to apologize. Immediately.

She found that her shoes were still on when she got out of bed.

"Oh, Christ," she huffed at her messiness.

Regardless, she grabbed a jacket for protection from the chilly Wakandan morning air before rushing to the door, determined to find Bucky as soon as possible and apologize profusely for the previous night.

She opened the door but before she could dash out, she smacked directly into what felt like hard wood. Wait, no. The "hard wood" was a chest, and that chest belonged to a person... it was Bucky. Damn it.

"Sorry!" the two exclaimed simultaneously.

They both backed up.

"Y/N..."

"Bucky."

"Can we talk?"

"Yes. Please."

They awkwardly made their way into the room, eventually sitting side by side on the end of her bed. The air was quiet and void of their usual content and lighthearted atmosphere. Both of them sat staring straight forward.

"Bucky, I... I am so sorry about last night. I know being drunk isn't an excuse for being unprofessional, but I really have no other explanation as to why I'd ever do something so inappropriate. I feel awful and I can't imagine how uncomfortable I've made you. I will completely understand if you don't want to work with me anymore. I can talk to Shuri or T'Challa and we can find someone else to take my place if—"

"Woah," he turned to her, slightly alarmed. "Slow down, slow down. Who said anything about replacing you?"

"Well, I just thought after...last night, you'd rather have someone else work with you. It probably wouldn't be wise to continue treatment with me after certain... professional boundaries have been damaged."

"I'm not working with anyone else."

She looked at him bewildered, but he looked dead serious.

Y/N shook her head. "I—"

"Look, I'm not a therapist and I don't know the criteria of your 'professional boundaries'... But you were drunk. It happens. I don't think any less of you because you had a little too much. Believe me, I've been there."

"I know, but it's not necessarily the drinking that was the problem. It was... my actions."

"Right. And I don't think leaning a couple inches is really grounds for leaving Wakanda."

It was more than just "leaning a couple inches," and she knew that. She was humiliated by her drunken errors, but it was seductively dizzying to be that close to him. In the moment, she relished in every second, every atom of hers that was touching him. However, it was the afterthought that was the problem, the realization of what she had done and how wrong it was.

"Bucky..."

"I'm not working with anyone else."

"I'm not the only good therapist, you know."

"But you're my therapist. I don't want a new one."

"And I don't want to disrupt your progress, but there's no way I can keep treating you after last night."

"Why not? What's gonna happen if you do? Nothing."

"It's not that simple."

"Nobody was here. No one knows but us. There's no way you can get into trouble."

"It's not entirely about getting in trouble. It's about the nature of our relationship and how that change can impact how effectively and ethically I can treat you."

He was quiet for a minute, thinking.

He shook his head, looking down at his feet. "We can work something out..."

"I don't think so, Buck..."

"So you're just gonna leave then?"

"I think that's what needs to happen."

He turned his head to her, making deliberate eye contact.

"Y/N, please."

"All I wanna do is do right by you, and I can't do that after I've compromised our relationship."

"But you didn't compromise—"

"Bucky," she exasperated, "Can you please try to understand?"

"Can you please try not to be so hasty about things? Our relationship is fine. You don't need to leave."

Stubborn. He was being stubborn. But, all she could see was strong will and passion. That was the problem. All his faults morphed into aptitudes when they filtered through her perception.

"I really care about you, Buck. I just want you to have access to the help you need, and as much as I hate to say it, I don't know if I can be that help anymore."

"Can't we just try?"

"Try what?"

"Just... hear me out. We can continue the sessions as if nothing happened, and if everything is fine, then great, but if not, then you can go."

Is that what it would take for him to be okay with her leaving? Is that what it would take to make her departure less of a complete upheaval? There was no way this would work, she thought. But what were the lengths to which she would go to make the transition smoother? Was she willing to make sacrifices to help ease his hardships? She reflected for a minute.

For him, she would. For him, she considered, she'd do most anything.

"Okay," she said after brief contemplation. "We can try. But you have to keep in mind, the entire time, that I still might have to leave in the end."

He smiled, sincerity almost suffocating her. "Thank you."

"Promise me you won't be disappointed if I end up having to leave."

"You want a pinky, blood oath, or spit shake?" he asked, jokingly.

"Bucky," Y/N deadpanned.

"Well, it's not like we need to promise, because you won't have to leave... 'cause everything will be fine."

God, she hoped so.

"Promise me anyway. Just in case."

"Fine. I promise. You have my word."

She held out her hand to him, pinky finger raised high.

"Make it official."

"You know I was kidding?" he asked.

"I know. But you brought it up, so now you're payin' the price," she smiled, feeling herself momentarily slipping back into their dynamic. "Officially promise me with your pinky, James."

In acquiescence, he lifted his hand up to hers, pinky extended, and wrapped their fingers together. As it turned out, her hand had desires of its own and begged for additional contact. It yearned to smooth over the skin of Bucky's hand and press their palms together. Her hand wanted to intertwine the rest of their fingers and hold on ever so tightly. It wanted to hold on and never leave Wakanda, never leave his side.

As it also turned out, the hand is not the mind. These were surely not Y/N thoughts. Definitely not... Desires were kept repressed and no actions were taken. Sorry hand.

Their fingers stayed connected for just a few brief seconds of silence. Not nearly long enough for it to be awkward or for them to get second thoughts about the integrity of their agreement. Their fingers disconnected.

"So..." Bucky started, "are things gonna be weird now? With us?"

"They don't have to be, but I guess it depends."

"On what?"

"I don't know. Whether you're upset with me over what happened - which you have every right to be."

"Upset with you? No! Not at all. It seems like you're more upset than I ever was."

"I'm only upset because of what I did!"

"Well, I'm only upset because you're upset, so... stop being upset."

"I-..." she sighed. "Okay. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. Are we good?"

"You don't have anything to be sorry for..."

"Just say we're good."

She let out a nervous laugh.

"Fine, we're good. I'm just surprised at how you're so cool with this."

"Well, friends bounce back quick, right?"

Her demeanor changed. The mood sunk.

"Bucky..."

"No, no. Don't sit there and tell me that now we aren't friends. You just pinky swore with me," he said with a meek smile, attempting to lift her mood back up. "C'mon, that counts for something."

She looked down at her hands, suddenly missing the skin-to-skin contact. "I just think it might be better to be more professional and less... personal."

"Better for who exactly? 'Cause I know it wouldn't be for me."

She turned her head to look at him, face earnest and contrite. He only looked confused and a little mentally disheveled.

"I want to make this new... plan thing work. If you don't want me to have to leave, we have to reinstate some sort of boundaries, Buck."

"So boundaries means throwing away being friends?"

"I'm not throwing it away. I want to make sure we can be successful, and to be successful we have to be a little more..." she took a breath in, hating how much she kept bringing up this word, "professional. We gotta have more good days than bad, you know?"

A few beats of silence passed them by. Bucky's expression softened to a dangerous level of sincerity.

"I think you are my good days..."

Y/N tore her gaze away. She couldn't do this. She wished he wouldn't say such gentle things; she was trying so hard. The tension in her heart began to frustrate her. And it was because of him. She wished her emotions weren't always so escalated in his proximity.

"How long were you outside for?" she changed the subject.

"All night."

"What?!"

"Just kidding. Only for a couple minutes. Why are you changing the subject?"

"I'm not."

"You really are. And you're uneasy."

Trying to deny feelings was harder when someone else called them out.

"Stop trying to analyze me."

"M'not analyzing. I'm just reading you."

Reading her?

"Reading me?"

"Yeah. You were looking at me, but now you turned away. You're bouncing your leg but otherwise you're completely still, tense, like you are when you're nervous. You're also turned away from me... kinda like you don't wanna be near me."

Yeah, because her heart felt like it was going to burst.

She stood up, walking away from him and his infuriating correctness. How dare he know her like that? Anger bubbled in her stomach. She faced him, arms crossed over her chest, as if shielding herself from his prying efforts to understand her personality. How dare he decipher her.

"Really?" she huffed, amped up nervousness morphing into irritation. "You barely slept last night, and it's not just noticeable because of the bags under your eyes. You do this thing when you're tired - you blink really slowly and then rub your eyes. It's subtle. How's that for reading? Oh, and you're more uncomfortable about having one arm than you let on. When you sit next to me, you always make sure to sit so that your arm is on my side. In fact, you're so bad at tolerating uncomfortable that you refuse to even think about getting a new therapist - even though it's the right thing to do - because you don't want to deal with the change."

She took a breath after expelling her vexation. Bucky stared at her with wide eyes, never before hearing her angry, much less at him.

"That's not why..." he all but whispered.

"You know I can tell when you're lying, right?"

"Apparently not," he rolled his eyes. "And I thought we made a deal."

"I think you should leave."

He looked up at her. "Y/N.."

She turned away from him, deciding she couldn't handle looking him in the eyes.

Glancing at the door, she muttered, "I'll see you at our next session."

"But— I thought..."

"A deal's a deal. I'll see you, Bucky."

The room was eerily silent until Bucky decided to move. She could feel his eyes on her, searching for something, anything out of her. Perhaps she was hasty, but there was no room for second thoughts, second emotions. She completely steeled herself. Feeling around him was just... a lot. A lot to deal with. Maybe too much.

"Okay," he said, voice quiet. "I'll see you... I guess."

With that, he left. He left her in an empty room with empty feelings and an empty hand. She looked down at that hand, the very same one that wrapped its finger around his in the lighthearted simplicity of a juvenile gesture. Joy with Bucky was like that - simple. Being happy was effortless with him. Yet, it was so troublesome to be displeased with him. She could sense another distressed night sleep coming her way.

delicate taglist: @bakugouswh0r3 @thefridgeismybestie @strivingforelegance @ilovespideyyy @xpurpleglitter @bluelakeee @darkacademic2 @nickkie1129 @eclipsedplanet @paradisedixon @crazy-beautiful @coffee--writes @lauxrens @lilithknight1111 @buckybarnesishot310 @softladyhours @alwayssandy @quxxnxfhxll @those-sea-green-eyes @hero-ically @devilswaldorf @cc13723things @buckys1thiccbih @maravderofthephoenix

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thewollfgang · 3 years

Text

S6e8

This might be my favorite episode so far.

Ella. She definitely has some good points about being kept in the dark, but so too do those that kept the truth from her. As much as they wanted to tell her, literally no one has reacted well to learning about the celestial. I think Charlotte probably had the easiest transition and she literally was recovering from Hell. But I digress. I loved Ella and Lucifer's moments and also Dan speaking to her through Maze, as well as Carol's quiet but unwavering support. So much emotion in this episode.

Poor Maze, pulled from her honeymoon to read a book about her ex. 😅 I was really delighted by what we did see of her this episode and her demonic way of helping Dan. I wonder just what it is about his death he's harboring guilt over.

Poor Linda. To watch your friends tear your work apart, to watch them be hurt by it when your job is to help people. I really felt her struggle. Especially, when none of it was her idea in the first place. But for Lucifer to have that moment with her in the end, about how much she helped him grow, helped him to love and be loved, to be a better man. What a heartfelt and crowning achievement. (also, her falling asleep against lucifer was super cute)

Chloe reading through the book and seeing all the times Lucifer abandoned her instead of all the times he sacrificed or returned breaks my heart for her. At the end of the day, Chloe has always been the one left behind. Her dad, Dan, Lucifer. Those insecurities crept back up on her, seeing the double life Lucifer led in those early seasons, keeping her in the dark. I am so glad she overcame those feelings and saw those actions as Lucifer really meant them to be. I cried big ol buckets of tears.

I cheered when Lucifer realized he didn't actually want to be God. That impulsive decision never sat right with me in S5b and so much of s6 has made me feel more positively about its predecessor. Lucifer isn't a big picture guy, he's a one person at a time guy. One case. (also, side note: he looked really good in this ep.)

Rory seeing how much Lucifer loves her mom and loves her made me cry so hard you guys. For so long she's had only her mother and stories of her Dad. Stories that grew into resentment and bitterness after years of his absence. To see him now, as he is, hopelessly in love with Chloe to the point where she comes across as clever and beautiful in every session he's had with Linda right in front of Rory's eyes...wonderful acting. Lucifer's triumph in becoming invulnerable so Rory's bullet lands was hilarious but also sweet. Shooting Lucifer is a decker family tradition, after all.

The flashbacks of all the best moments of this show hit so hard. We really are saying goodbye to them, aren't we? These incredible characters we spent years with, watched fall in love, and now it's ending. I don't know how I'm going to get through the next two episodes.

#lucifer #lucifer s6 spoilers #S6e8

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interpersonalchemistry · 2 years

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Transitive 2/?

Part 1 can be read here

"You just got out of a really bad situation, and..." she sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. "You know what? This time, I'll just cut to the chase. I'd prefer if you didn't try to fuck our roommate and my employee."

“I’m not gonna-” Mitch sputtered, then rubbed at his chest and spat back, “Fuck you! Why would you say that? Why the fuck would you say that?!”

The argument from last September looped in Jodie’s head over and over. Her fingers twisted the duvet, and every time the ‘Fuck you!’ part replayed, she nearly ripped the fabric from how hard she had grasped it.

Mitch had promised that he wouldn’t go for it, and surprise surprise, he’d broken that because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. Besides, wasn’t Avi already involved with someone? For a decade? What the fuck was going on?

An absurd amount of mental calculations were run, because if there was one sole thing that Jodie excelled at, it was thriving under high-stakes scenarios. Avi was a net positive for the school, and his character brought a lot of new eyes to Grindhouse, but they had also gotten by without him for the last few years. He was kind-hearted and selfless, but maybe that was surface level stuff. Maybe in reality he was actually manipulative and only projected good things.

Because Mitch was generally attracted to people that he wasn’t compatible with or treated him like garbage, and as far as appearances went, Avi didn’t fit that mold. So what was wrong with him? What hadn’t she seen? She was usually good at sniffing this kind of stuff out, and somehow this went right under her radar.

Even if Avi wasn’t a shitbag -which she couldn’t stomach the idea of him being, they were friends- Mitch was, well, Mitch. He was self-sabotaging to a fault. He was lovable, but prickly, like a dog that wore a spiked collar or a hedgehog wandering through a minefield. Everyone was kept at a distance, because for him that was the safest course of action, and it killed her to see it because he was so good.

Did Avi even know the deeper, scarier stuff? How much history was he familiar with? Was he aware of how prone to relapse Mitch was. Would Avi be willing to carry the burden associated with that, such as needing to have NARCAN on him at all times? Just in case?

Would she get a call at midnight from the bartender of some shitty dive bar an hour away, who would inform her that her friend had been abandoned in their bathroom strung out on god-knew-what? She realized that she hadn't thought about that night in a long time, and now it was all that she could think about.

It wasn’t fair. She’d just gotten Mitch back, and aside from the usual shit with Toby, spent the last few months not concerned about this. And now there was a very real chance that the cycle was renewed, and the end result would be the loss of yet another friend if Avi turned out to be either a monster or just inept to handle this. Avi wouldn’t be blamed if he failed, because Mitch was so much to try to untangle. But he was worth the effort, Jodie knew that. He deserved unconditional love, even if he himself didn't believe that.

She wiped her eyes, muttering “goddammit” despite being in the presence of Velvet Jesus. Was Mitch even going to say something? Or were they going to sneak around like teenagers until they inevitably got caught? Best friends, living under the same roof but keeping secrets. Great.

The sound of creaking from the ancient wooden staircase interrupted her impromptu grieving session, and the acoustics from the hallway caused their footsteps to echo. Her bedroom door was passed by, and she had to cover her mouth to keep from blurting out “no fuckin’ way!”. Was he just going to sleep in Avi’s room? How the hell was he going to explain that in the morning?

“So,” the footsteps stopped and Avi, despite whispering, could be heard clear as a bell from the amplification. “This is my stop.” God, he was a dork. “Can I maybe interest you in coming in?” She could practically see the eyebrow waggle.

“I…” Mitch was quieter; still audible, but his back probably facing the direction of Jodie’s room. “I really shouldn’t.”

“I know, I know. I’m kidding,” Avi sighed fondly, then added, “Sort of.”

“I’m sorry,” pleaded Mitch, his voice strained.

“No no. There’s no 'sorry'. It’s OK, I get it. Honest.” There was a pregnant pause, but the air was so dense that Jodie thought she might choke. “Well, bonne nuit." Mitch chuckled, and Avi continued with a panicked, "Am I saying that right?”

“Not at all,” Mitch teased. “But it’s the thought that counts.”

“Aw man, I looked it up right before we got up here and everything.”

“It’s alright, I appreciate it. Fais de beaux rêves.”

“Right back at you,” giggled Avi. Seconds later, Jodie’s door slowly opened and closed, and Mitch crept across the room as softly as he could. When he crawled into the bed, he lingered close to the edge and didn’t dare to distribute any of his bodyweight near the center of the mattress. Shame overtook Jodie as she was rocked with turbulence from 7 different kinds of emotions, ranging everywhere from anger to mourning to concern. The instinct to lob some kind of sarcastic remark was keen, and a venomous “why the fuck are you in here?” lingered on the tip of her tongue and was ready to strike.

But Avi's mangled "bonne nuit" stuck in her craw, and-

And she hadn't heard Mitch speak his native tongue to anyone in nearly a decade. He had worked tirelessly to bury his own identity, and yet in those still hours, in those stolen moments that she had inadvertently trespassed upon, he spoke freely and with a reverence that made her chest hurt.

So instead, she let the venom run down her throat and said nothing at all.

#minific

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angelic-apple · 2 years

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So you lived online for nearly a decade getting radicalized by a hate group that colonized radfem. You get that all women forward gains by radfem were in the trans inclusive era right? And nothing but wasting time/money/resources has come out of terf radfem since? Well aside from an ever growing right political lean and alliances. I mean 7 years you can't have been in the terf bubble the whole time.

This is a long one so TL;DR at the end!

TW; self harm & suicide mentions

1) I've always been in hyper-progressive leftist spaces until less than 6 months ago and spent my entire isolation thinking I was trans. I wore a binder so much I now have rib and back pains regularly and my boobs sag. I presented myself as a man fully, and it made me so depressed I relapsed back to selfharm, something I had managed to keep at bay for almost two years and was very proud of because it was Hard. The more masc I presented the worse it got, because I looked more and more like a stranger to myself and I mistook that as dysphoria and spiraled even more. I can't wear comfortable t-shirts outside anymore in the heat because people will see my scars which is triggering to me. My self harm destroyed family relationships permanently. I cried a lot and was so miserable I had set plans to kill myself with booze and meds. If my country didn't have such strick firearm laws I would've just gotten a gun though.

I thought I was trans because I was a semi gnc woman with severe body dysmorphia who felt like a person rather than a stereotypical woman, and being a woman was meant to be a specific feeling I did not have. And every time I questioned myself and if transness was right for me I got bombed with affirmations that "being unsure is normal, you don't need xyz to be trans anyway, if you question your gender at all it probably means you aren't cis!" etc.

After I entered recovery and began to be around normal people in real life I quickly realized I was not a man and dropped the label quickly. I felt better as a result and I've been clean off self harm for over two years now. I love myself and my anatomy, something I wanted to cut off from myself so bad I wanted to die.

But when I finally stopped and told my friends I was wrong and that I'm a woman after all, I only had one friend who said "Okay!". The rest avoided it and continued to use he/they pronouns for me and refused to use my birthname instead of my trans name until recently. I felt rejected by people who had been my lifeline for years and like I had betrayed my peers.

Despite this I think being trans is a real thing. Some people do need to transition. I know many and they have done so and I am happy for them. I do not want transitioning to be inaccessible or eradicated.

I think trans healthcare should be improved actually. It needs to be able to handle more patients than it does now. It's cruel to make people wait for years for healthcare and then not be offered proper help but to be processed in and out in as few sessions as possible that are also months apart. Trans treatment should include long-term therapy, multiple appointments, screenings and regular check-ins during transition. This is not gatekeeping btw. I am unable to gatekeep anyone because I am not a doctor. Plus Idk why it's such a sin to wish proper healthcare for a group of people. Hormones are not a magical medicine and transitioning will not fix the other mental health issues you may have, only ease the load of constant stress coming in and that's only if transitioning is actually right for you. Taking someone's claims of their mental health at face value is not always helpful nor good for them. I've been at both ends, so i know it's a hard pill to swallow though.

2) I don't understand your need to mush feminism, lgb- and trans activism together into a single group. Women, ssa and trans folk all have very specific needs that do not intertwine a lot of the times. It's not exclusionary to want to keep the movements separate so each one can focus on what they need instead of pushing everyone together causing constant infighting about what goals to pursue. Nothing will change without active, large scale group efforts and any attempt for anyone to organise right now gets torn apart from the inside because of topic-unrelated disagreements. Which then again makes it easier for right leaning people to organise without a lash back and push discriminatory legislations forward while we're too busy arguing amongst ourselves. It also creates an unwelcoming environment for those who might want to join our movements, which kind of pales in the comparison to political groups on the right who often lovebomb you and seem overly welcoming so it's easier for them to gain more members.

You can be gay, a feminist and trans, still belong in all three groups and practice activism to better the lives of all these minorities separately.

That being said collaborative efforts should be made to improve the quality of life for all, but primary focus of each activist group should still remain issues affecting the specific minority the group is made for. I say this because in the current climate trans rights activism expects unconditional support from every other minority group with little to no help in return from what I've seen, but instead constantly inserting themselves in discussions for other minority rights conversations as well and expect to be patted on the back for it :/

3) I'm not trans exclusionary. I just believe in radical feminism ideologies and think bio sex is real and that I am oppressed for it. The current gender narrative has personally hurt me and due to radblr I was able to meet many other women who experienced the same thing and I feel refreshed because I can actually be myself here and say what I think.

A group of women disagreeing with you online =/= hateful systematic oppression. Blame the rich old white men running the world for that one like the rest of us.

TL;DR - I thought I was trans for a long time, I am a radfem because the current gender ideology hurt me personally. I still think being trans is real and think trans healthcare should be improved. I don't think wanting to keep specific political movements for specific minorities is exclusionary, it's keeping goals clear and making it easier to organise instead of constant infighting, which makes it easier for right wingers to organise and recruit more members im return. You can belong in multiple minorities and activist groups without having to join them all together.

#sorry this is long and my brain feels suoer fuzzy rn #I forgot to take my meds today ://#radfem #radical feminism #gender critical #anon #ask #long post #rambling apple #pls send me your opinions this if you think I'm being stupid I'm always open for feedback!#suicide mention #tw self harm

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charleswaterloo · 3 years

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Oh no i used this up with Ravkinnies ranting sessions... uhhhh idk oh wait nope, got one left in my brain

I wished Bruce would have stayed dead and new52 had never happened. I would have liked to have kept Dick and Damian as batman and robin and continue for a while, and watched the batfam slowly grow stronger, working together as seen in Gates of Gotham. I think Tim's Red Robin run could have been more transformative if Bruce had stayed dead, it would have been more interesting narratively. Dick was on his way to having a we need to get the family back together because i can't do everything on my own arc with Black Mirror (and partially in gates of gotham - though it was short so we didn't see the build up to the story).

I would liked to have seen Jason slowly getting the help and therapy he needed in the refurbished Arkham (Dick been pouring money into fixing it in his run) and Dick visiting and talking things out with him over time, and Jason finally being able to walk out the front doors with a clean bill of mental health. I don't think he would like live with the batfam or anything but like from their eventually maybe he could like back them up on cases. Also him just being like a civilian would be fine. Like occasionally Dick chats with him and gets/gives advice (they were really the only one who had an established relationship at the time, but i wouldn't mind if they eventually incorporated the others). Another route is Jason going the Alfred route and (i mean no way would dress as a butler) but like i would very much like to see Jason in a support type of roll rather than being a vigilante, because he's had so much violence in his life already DC let him heal.

Speaking of characters i would like to see heal, I would have liked to see Cass learn to enjoy the little things in life, learn that she deserved love and a family after she spent time in Hong Kong. I would like to see her eventually let herself enjoy life more - and realize there's more to life than vigilantism. Like ley her take dance classes, let Dick take her up on the trapeze and teach his sister the art of flying. And just god please let her have all the chocolate ice cream in the world. Eventually I like to imagine that she never even has to wear the bulky bat armor to become Batman, people just assume that's who she is (the whole idea of the urban legend restored - would a goon call the person who beat them up Batgirl or Batman argument i personally love). Dick transitions back to Nightwing (which is better for his mental health tbh) and Damian either staying as Robin, or transitions to Flamebird.

Idk i think Dick could manage the batfamily better than Bruce, and I know it's a lot to ask from him, especially because he has his own friends/family with the Titans, but the idea of Dick, Damian, Tim, Cass, Steph, and Babs (who stays as Oracle and disabled) being a little family unit of superheros (with Jason helping out Alfred) is so dear to my heart, despite the fact we haven't seen it and it's all in my head. And letting the characters grow and develop too would have been so great. Let the Titans become the new members of the JLA (or just disband the JLA and keep em as Titans), and have Tim/Cass/Steph's generation start figuring themselves out.

I think Dick would have been a really interesting mentor for Duke to have, and we could have had triple D energy going if Damian tagged along.

I think the Court of Owls arc would have been more interesting with Dick leading the family, especially because he was a former target, so it could be the perfect time for them all to (trauma) bond together if Dick got thrown in the Labyrinth, because he's the one member of the Batfamily that everyone is on like neutral-good terms with (i say Steph is prolly neutral but she cares about Tim and Damian who care about Dick). Dick understands the Joker better, and isn't as fun for Joker to mess with, so there's the possibility of Joker just giving up. I wouldn't have to read about Bruce hitting his kids anymore. Because Dick would never ever do that to his siblings, i wouldn't have to worry about seeing child/domestic abuse.

Idk sorry Bruce stans, he's had good moments and runs but I'm just... tired of DC handling him poorly in comics for like such a long time and would prefer if he just wasn't even around anymore. I liked Dick as Batman better (and the rest of Gotham did too).

firstly this is so detailed and nuanced thank you so much for writing this you're such a legend i am in awe rn lol

and SECONDLY

THIS IS SUCH A COOL IDEA WOAH WOAH. like i would miss bruce (the CORRECT bruce lol) but i just love all the stuff you mentioned - it would be nice if the batfam were closer. i think that conflict makes things interesting but there's simply so much of that in dc comics that i feel like we never really get to see some interesting dynamics between characters and this would allow for that. i mean jason and steph? they'd be SO powerful lol

i think the stuff you mentioned for jason and cass is really cool too - i like the softer stuff <3

#thank you so much for writing this and sorry i didn't respond to all the things you said but just know that i read them #AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE COOL <3 #YOU'RE SO AMAZING #dc #ask #charleswaterloo dc shit

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mycandylovefanatics · 5 years

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Idk if my ask got eaten or what lol I'm sorry if it didn't, but I was wondering if you could make something (headcannons maybe) with a trans Candy (MtF) with Ryan and/or Kentin. It's totally ok if you're not comfortable doing so, thanks anyway. I look forward to reading more of your work

It more than likely did because I don’t remember ever reading something like this before, especially not for UL characters. But hey, just give me time to put the request out before assuming it was eaten because sometimes i just need to think about my response before typing it out! Also you didn’t specify so I’m just kind going with the flow for these lol ALSO FOR WHATEVER REAOSN I THOUGHT YOU ASKED FOR HYUN INSTEAD OF KENTIN SO IM JUST GONNA KEEP HIM IN HERE AS A LITTLE BONUS LMAO

Rayan

Ehhhh I highly doubt Rayan is the kind of guy to be bothered by something like that. You know how some dudes can be weird about that, when they find out a girl they like is transgender? Rayan just doesn’t give a shit. In his eyes, you’re a girl regardless of your “biological” background.

Honestly though? Not much will change in your relationship with a transgender girl vs. a non-transgender girl? I mean why would he treat you differently from any other girl lol there’s no logical reason for it. Expect the same exact treatment that Rayan uses with Candy. The same dates, the same make out sessions, the same yearning looks he gives you in class lol he’s just extremely indifferent about it. That doesn’t mean he ignores that aspect of you though because obviously it’s an important part of what shaped you into who you are today. He’s not going to overlook it.

I’d say the only thing that may be different is, he is a bit more vocal on his opinions about the subject. For example, if in class he hears some students maybe talking shit about transgender people or using derogatory terms towards you (assuming people know this about you) then he’ll waste no time in professionally but also semi aggressively telling them to shut the f*** up lmao. He just completely schools them on why their “opinions” are absolute shit. “And besides, with the way you guys act in school I’d be surprised if any girl wants to date you in the first place. You won’t attract anyone when all three of you are failing my class.” And then the people talking shit are just sitting there all salty lmao he’ll shoot you an undetectable smirk and you’re just like yeah professor school em again (and bang me later lolololol)

Kentin

Okay so, not trying to pin this baby as a douche because he isn’t BUT we all know how important his masculinity is to him when he first comes back from the military and all of that. Now since Kentin has known you for quite some time now I’m sure he probably knows already that you’re trans. He may have even seen you transitioning during the time you went to school together some years back? Depends on what time you decided to do this. Or maybe he doesn’t know because it was during the time he went to the military (I don’t know if he would have been gone long enough for that) and when he came back there was this new really pretty girl who also looked super familiar?? Then he learns it’s you and is like woah whAT-

So I headcanon Kentin as straight, and because of this plus his semi toxic masculinity in the beginning, of COURSE he asks himself if he’s gay. Obviously it doesn’t because he’s still attracted to a girl but he’s never been with a transgender girl so he’s just got a lot of questions that stem from lack of knowledge.

Probably tries to back down from dating you tbh lmao the poor boy is so worried of what his dad will think, I truly feel like his dad is probably a douchebag about these things, yeah. He’s scared of what everyone will say but then at some point he realizes, he can’t hold his feelings back anymore and he’s tired of it. He has like a self realization thing going on like, “wow how much of an asshole am I to be scared to go after the girl I love because of a couple of judgmental jerks??” He runs up to you one day and just goes on a spew about how much he likes you and how he’s liked you since he came back and how he’s so freaking sorry for being a dumb ass about the entire thing. He promises to not let anyone else’s opinion get in the way of his love for you, and he holds up his promise for sure. Someone giving you the side eye? FINE HE’LL JUST GIVE EM A BLACK EYE TAKE THAT. He really takes time to let you educate him on everything too, he doesn’t like the fact that he was so ignorant about it before.

Hyun

Hyun is like Zaidi in the way that he also literally does not care. He sees you as you, which is his beautiful girlfriend who he absolutely adores. Honestly I feel like Hyun is the kind of person to like whoever he vibes with, so if he likes you then he just likes you for you. He’s not the kind of guy to care what you’ve got going on in your pants because he’s not with you for that.

Again, with Hyun nothing is really different with your relationship. He is however a lot more supportive of the lgbtq+ community. Not that he wasn’t before, but now that he has to see someone so directly close with him deal with the problems you may or may not face, he wants to make sure you know he always has your back no matter what.

And okay listen, Hyun is not a violent dude and he doesn’t get riled up quickly, but I seriously pray for anyone who tries to come at you wrongly for this. He tries to be the bigger person and just ignore it, holding your hand and stroking his thumb across the back of your hand. But if the person keeps going at it you just kind of notice the way his hold on you is getting tighter, and tighter…. and tighter. Hyun?? You good fam?? No he is absolutely not good lmao. Before you know it, he’s sucker punched the person in the face and he’s even stunned at himself because he’s NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE IS HE GONNA GO TO JAIL?? Honestly you’ll have to drag him away from the scene caus he’s just sitting there STUNNED at himself. After the initial shock though, he’s just kind of sheepishly smile at you like “Well, I don’t feel bad about it. They definitely deserved that…” god he’s so cute.

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