#crack au idea | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theminecraftbee · 3 months

Text

okay so. hear me out. but. au concept--

joel is one of many people affected by a Vanishing. its a phenomenon sweeping the country--people simply not showing up for work, school, life one day, as though they've vanished from the face of the earth. it's almost possible to mistake for normal missing persons cases, if it weren't for the way a few of the higher-profile Vanishings have happened to people who shouldn't have been able to vanish at all, let alone in a way that wouldn't be noticed until too late. look at joel's hometown. the people monitoring the dam were supposed to be redundant, and yet--

anyway. not like he cares or anything, except for the fact this stupid disaster or whatever has left him without anywhere to live or anyone to live with, and he still has a year of high school left, so he can't just do whatever he wants. luckily there's this school in a town called new hermiton that agreed to give him a scholarship to finish his education in the name of recovery and solidarity or whatever, and it's kind of a shwankier school than he'd normally go for, but it's free and, more importantly, they're willing to pay for his lodging, and he can't really turn that down. and it's not like he has a choice but to upend his entire life now. so packing what few of his belongings survived into a bag and getting on a train and moving across the country to a new school it is, he guesses.

(he's been having nightmares that inexplicably feature swarms of blue butterflies. last time he checked, lakes don't have butterflies in them. although maybe it's a metaphor or something, on account of the butterflies saying stupid stuff about how people who are remembered can't disappear, and even a false world cannot be erased if it's watched over, and how fate depends on him holding people in his heart. thanks for saying the same stupid shitty platitudes his social worker told him, just more cryptically, butterflies. real cool.)

new hermiton, it turns out, is a small city. while new hermiton academy is a newer school, much of the city is older. he's moved into a nice enough flat in an older apartment building. he has another cryptic butterfly dream. he thinks he remembers someone trying to urgently warn him of something, but it's all... shaky. that morning, he goes to the school for the first time. he's greeted by a fellow transfer student, skizzleman, although apparently he already knows some of the other folks in town, and transferred here so he could stay with them. but it's at least someone else in a similar enough situation to joel, especially since joel can just tell by the way people are looking at him that skizz didn't have much of a choice but to be here, either, and best friends with impulse or not, he's on his own too.

so. a friend. maybe this school won't be that bad, even if joel keeps having nightmares, and even if the weather here is weirdly cold for july, and even if his new homeroom professor keeps on looking at him really weirdly. (aren't professors supposed to be better about stupid rumors anyway? what's that mr. hills's deal?)

and then, two days later, he waves skizz off at the end of the school day, and gets skizz's friend, impulse, at his door, desperate to hear that skizz had just come to stay the night in joel's shitty lonely apartment, because otherwise it looks like--come on man. joel's already having a shit time. the universe deciding to go after his one existing friend too? he promises impulse to help investigate that night, in the vain hope that Skizz isn't one of the Vanished. joel gets a splitting migraine trying to follow their path back, though, and they have to stop for the night.

skizz is reported missing the next morning. joel resigns himself to cutting himself off from the people around him, as per usual. then, strangely, mr. hills corners him as he goes home.

"you'll need this," he says, and shoves what feels like a cheap butterfly knife into joel's hands. "uh, remember, trust your heart! you'll know how to use it."

"what," joel says. "hold on. you're supposed to be a teacher. why are you giving me this. i know for a fact my file says i have like, ptsd or whatever, which is stupid, but you definitely aren't supposed to be giving me a knife, you weirdo?"

"you'll know how to use it," joe hills says again. "goodbye! believe in yourself!"

mr. hills sprints behind a building before he has to explain anything else. joel is left standing on the sidewalk holding a knife, staring after him.

so. that's weird as hell. joel shivers in the cold and continues on his way home. the butterfly knife feels heavy in his pockets. he should probably report that guy to his social worker or something, but actually talking to his social worker feels like conceding defeat. joel can take care of himself. he can prove he can take care of himself. just watch him. step one: go out to get ramen because he forgot to buy any food for his apartment.

he sees impulse putting up signs as he eats. impulse looks miserable. joel thinks about how skizz, just in the short time he'd known him, had sort of unintentionally given away that he felt isolated after his mother Vanished. that impulse was a great friend, but impulse didn't understand what it was like. he never really SAID as much, but--

it's not fair to impulse, for that to be the last thing impulse remembered of what was apparently a friend since childhood. and joel doesn't care about any of these guys, but he can still pay his check and go out and help impulse go looking. he's no good at comforting people and doesn't know this guy, but joel had been alone too, sitting on the roof and crying, when the helicopters came.

except when they go back to the path by the school, joel's head starts to hurt again.

he looks up and there's a butterfly.

"hey, impulse, are butterflies common here?" he asks, a little desperately.

"i mean, not really, why?" impulse says.

"uh," joel says, and gestures. the two of them stare as the strange yellow butterfly circles in place.

"okay, so that is kind of weird," impulse admits.

"right?" joel says. "the only way it would be weirder is if it were blue." impulse gives him a look. joel does not explain.

it starts to fly away.

"we should follow it," impulse says, his voice getting a little dull. "yeah. we should follow it."

"what? no! no we should not follow the haunted butterfly, are you nuts?" joel says, but it's a bit too late. (maybe this is what the knife is for: stabbing impulse. it would be an effective method of stopping him!) he chases impulse down, down to the river, where yellow butterflies are swarming. impulse, as though possessed, simply steps into the swarm and falls through them to the water.

joel's, uh, freaking out more than a little bit? he'll admit he's freaking out. he dives forward to try to grab him, only to realize that he doesn't see impulse anywhere.

a single blue butterfly lands on joel's shoulder. "do you hold his heart next to yours?"

"i'm going insane," joel says.

"no heart is meant to be completely alone. do you hold his next to yours?"

"this isn't happening," joel says. "this is like a stupid manga or something. it's not happening."

"there is still time to save them; you must hold your heart strong, or the consequences will be dire. i believe in you."

the butterfly vanishes.

"fuck it," joel says. "if i drown then it's nothing people haven't expected of me anyway."

he steps through the swarm of butterflies.

that night, he drags both impulse and skizz out of the river. they're all freezing cold. shadows and strange, yellowy liquid still cling to all of their skin. also, joel stabbed himself, which like, glad to know that's what the knife was for, apparently, and the scar is warm and comforting. he can feel his--persona, and don't ask him how he knows that--shifting under his skin, under the mark on his hand. it said its name is pygmalion; it says it is a piece of joel's soul.

this is all patently insane. but skizz and impulse are alive and NOT eaten by shadow monsters, so even if they're both a little unconscious, joel takes that as a win.

they lie on the ground outside the river. someone stumbles across them. "well give me some teeth and call me an alligator. you got out on your own," breathes a fellow student clutching a dagger. joel thinks he's in the class across the hall. also--

"what are you talking about," joel wheezes.

"you found it on your own. you can find them?" the student says. his eyes are wide. something in joel's soul recognizes something in the student's. something in joel's BRAIN puts two and two together and realizes why mr. hills gave him a knife.

"no. no, go away, i don't want to be involved in this," joel says.

"well, don't you think it's too late for that?" the student says, and joel passes out. he's pretty sure the butterflies have to be laughing at him. in fact, as though to mock him further, after passing out, he doesn't even get to avoid it forever, because he wakes up in a glowing blue boat. there is a man with white-blonde hair, blue eyes, and a blue outfit leaning over him, poking him.

joel takes no responsibility for punching him. he'd do it again, too, as the long-nosed man sitting next to the unmanned steering wheel welcomes him to the velvet room.

(this, joel realizes later, all rather sets the tone for what the next year of his life is about to become.)

#hermitcraft #joel smallishbeans #smallishsona au #THAT'S RIGHT BABY ITS THE PERSONA AU I WAS WAFFLING ABOUT #because i'm playing p3re right now this is pretty p3 inspired but also expect elements of p4 (my fav) and p5 #i. do not know enough about p1 and p2 to be using all these butterflies but FUCK IT WE BALL.#a bee fic #KIND OF I GUESS I'LL PUT THIS THERE.#anyway the idea is that this au is half a crack au and half DEEPLY SINCERE #because the JOKE is that joel hates every minute of being a persona protagonist #but the OTHER bit is that joel is genuinely an extremely loyal guy who would do VERY WELL as a persona protagonist #you just have to drag him there kicking and screaming #(sort of in a very. p3-esque way)

334 notes · View notes

velinxi · 2 years

Photo

How can I let you know? I'm more than the dress and the voice?

#happy bday piper and happy pride #piper mclean #annabeth chase #pipabeth #brain: so which ship would you like xiao? the canon popular one? the non canon but still popular one? or the spicy one?#me #picking up the wad of gum thats been stuck under the table for 10 years: this one #brain: xiao thats not a ship thats a dinghy that has three mice on board #eyes on me is such a good song and i have superimposed it onto pipabeth in this au bc i love the idea of piper being the one to help #crack open annabeths initial calculating exterior yes i have both awful and perfect taste

9K notes · View notes

un-pearable · 1 year

Text

on the topic of samurai lloyd….. it’s time to bring back my personal favorite goofy s1 au. samurai y: in which lloyd figures out nyas identity first and blackmails (according to lloyd)/is so adorable he convinces (according to nya) her to make him another, smaller mech. it’s green bc that’s the color of poisooooonnnnnnnnn >:D

#art✨#ninjago #lloyd garmadon #ninjago nya #this is. crack. btw #i think about s1 sooo much and i FINALLY have the art skills to make my stupid ideas real. ty universe #wish i’d finished this sooner but y’all know which minifig i’m talking about right???#technically the dialogue is ooc bc this is early eps but i adore that clip of him running up the mountain going NINJA KICK!! NINJA ROLL!!!!!#far too much not to include it #in this au pixal is samurai z.

1K notes · View notes

zu-is-here · 1 year

Text

More dark kcrm (just two of them heh) for the birthday fruit @orange-dreamzer <3

#zu art #comic #dark kcrm #dark killercreammare #shattered dream #dream!sans #killer!sans #undertale #undertale au #utmv #ok no angst this time... but no fluff either >:D #I had way too many ideas but ended up finishing what I promised >;3 #hopefully you like it! (๑>◡<๑)#*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･''･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*#Killer: *flirts when he wants to impress someone* | S!Dream: *flirts when he's about to strangle someone* xd #Dream wants some info but Killer is a tough nut to crack ;)#our goopy boi is almost at his limits but he doesn't want to break his favorite toy (//ú3ù//)#ok good morning everyone <3 *falls asleep*

1K notes · View notes

happypeachsludgeflower · 1 month

Text

Concept: after Shang Qinghua lost his original draft, he said fuck it and wrote progressively worse and worse gibberish content for Proud Immortal Demon Way just to enjoy watching his favorite anti-fan, Peerless Cucumber, loose his shit.

372 notes · View notes

cheebuss · 8 months

Text

TF2 but Warrior Cat.... also just Miss Pauling and Sniper (for now) bc i'm lazy

#cheez rambles #my art #fanart #fandom character #my design #crack #crossover #warrior cats #catified #tf2 sniper #sniper tf2 #miss pauling #// dude they're both awful!! :DDD <333 #// they have both tried to kill each other at least once #// anyway yeah sniper's parents are red heelers in this AU #// cat raised by dogs so he has no idea how to socialize with other cats and hates everyone kldsjgklsd #team fourtrees 2

719 notes · View notes

lablass-2882 · 1 year

Text

I might be spoiling my own fic a bit but this was too funny to keep in my head.

The commander's reaction is to finding out that they are dads. (Minor swearing)

Cody (mother hen reaction)

Tally: So.... you adopted me when I wad like 8 or something.

Cody: Bullshit. I want proof. Official documentation only. Also, have you been eating enough? Do you have enough cold weather clothes? Prime, can Clone medic count as natborn doctors???

Fox (please restart your computer after updates)

Aurora: So yeah.... after my buir died, you and the rest of the guard took me in.

Fox: Blue screen and static noises.

Woffle (lost a bet)

Mako: So you're horny medic....

Wolffe: Stopping ya there, kid..... God Damm it. Now I own Kix 10 credits.

Bonus: Plo Koon

Somewhere in the distance.

Plo Koon: ........ I sense that I am now a grandpa?

Plo Koon: 😃

#my fic stuff #fanfic snippet #sorta #clone commander #commander cody #commander fox #commander wolffe #my ocs #plo koon would make an amazing grandpa #90% of this was me wanting to write wolffe's reaction #the clone wars #star wars au #crack au idea #crack fic

45 notes · View notes

minnesota-fats · 1 year

Text

So this is in the context of the bruce clone au I made a while back.

This is after the batfam find out about him being Bruce’s clone and he is staying in the manor for a bit cuz you know, family bonding.

And one light after so much sleep deprivation and coffee Tim accidentally called Danny “dad” which sparks a chain of events where the next morning at breakfast when all the fam is visiting Danny bust’s down the door and shouts, “IT IS I, YOUR UNCLE BROTHER DAD!” Which caused Tim the facepalm and everyone else to laugh (except bruce becaue he doesnt know if he should laugh or be mortified)

Some sinarios i have thought of, (with the help of @lompio )

—

Jason: oh crap, bruce isn’t going to like this.

Danny: don’t worry, your under parent supervision

Jason, shrugging: good enough with me!

—

Tim: we have to do something! But Bruce wont let us- Danny do we have permission to use the bat plain?

Danny, looking up from eating a box of cold takeout: wha-? Yeah sure!

Tim: thanks!

Danny: stay safe!

—

Danny: Damien, as your father I should tell you not to hold such petty grudges for small things. But as you BROTHER I say lets go get that lil’ bitches ass!!!

Damien: I take back what I said about this being childish.

—

Bottom line is: Danny is the dad only when it is convenient for him!

3K notes · View notes

literallyjusttoa · 3 months

Text

Had to visit my favorite little guys to break through some art block.

In that last one their having a cute lil coffee date and AoD ordered tea, unaware of how it was made.

#Crack headcanon for the already crack idea of human AoD: they are a full carnivore bc they believe eating plants counts as cannibalism #This is not a dryad thing this is just an AoD thing #trials of apollo #toa apollo #lester papadopoulos #arrow of dodona #polldona #magical girl! Au #apollart

187 notes · View notes

ryoalouette · 9 months

Text

3rd DC x DP prompt of Machi's

Machi: question, do you know how in Greek and other mythologies they came up with the most absurd stories as how gods/heroes were born? What if Team Phantom came up with all kinds of weird stories about Dani and Dan to f*ck with the JL?

Like, Dani is an ice statue brought to life by Danny

Me: omg lmao that would be effing hilarious

Dani was formed from Danny's sneeze. Don't make Danny sneeze, he'll spawn another kid.

Machi: Danny created a cocoon of ice an slept there for seven days, when he woke up there were two of them

Me: for lolz, I can imagine Amorpho being with Dani and Danny to add on the f*ckery and if possible, Redeemed!Dan

Machi: Danny went to space and ate a collapsing universe. Said universe still collapsed inside Danny, making Danny collapse as well and be divided into three people.

... nah, too complicated

Once Danny was on a fight and he broke a fang, he buried the fang on the sand and seven days later Dani was born

A shark ate Danny's feet, a few days later Dan broke free from the shark's belly

Me: Danny looked upon his reflection in the lake near the town he's protecting and his reflection (Amorpho or Dani) rose from the water

#dp x dc #dc x dp #dpxdc #dcxdp #crack #prompt #creation? myth? au #or if you have better name for this au #go on ahead #definitely fcking around JL #I think JLD would also go: it feels legit guys #JLD knows or nah up to you lol #Tumblr do your thing #Machi's idea #how to convince Machi to go back to Tumblr 101 #even tho I didn't know what's her handle back then #MACHI COME BACK TO TUMBLR AND PUT YOUR POSTS YOUR IDEAS ARE JUST TOO NICE TO NOT BE SHARED #BLEASE

370 notes · View notes

rhondafromhr · 4 months

Text

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Max redemption arcs in AUs where he survives the Waylon place but what about a corruption arc for Steph and the nerdy prudes? Like they catch Max before he falls and because he loved the prank so much and he’s so grateful they saved his life he decides they’re HIS nerds and they’re going to join him at the top of the social ladder. They all hesitantly join in on the bullying and at first they justify it as needing to keep up their new status to protect themselves, but slowly find themselves getting into it and enjoying the power trip.

They spend the rest of senior year being literal monsters and they all peak in high school and stay in Hatchetfield after graduation. They keep hanging out mainly because no one else will tolerate them and it turns into an Always Sunny-esque AU. They save Hatchetfield from the LIB multiple times solely because everyone who deals with them gets fucked over, even Wiggog Y’rath himself. The lords in black end up worse and worse off with every encounter and each time the gang summons them they just look more and more disheveled and defeated.

Maybe one of the adults can join in and be the Frank Reynolds of the group? Ted’s the most obvious choice because he is a self-proclaimed sleazeball and his history with Tinky could add an interesting element to the LIB encounters. Or it could be Solomon infiltrating the group to try and reconnect with Stephanie and he gets pulled into their shenanigans and uses his wealth, power and connections as mayor to help pull off their schemes. Or maybe Paul initially gets involved with them because he’s trying to convince Richie to be nice again and get his life back on track but then he ends up slowly getting more and more enmeshed in the group and ends up just as bad as them.

It’d be super out of pocket and out of character but it’d also be tons of fun.

#crack fic idea #npmd #nerdy prudes must die #max jagerman #richie lipschitz #grace chasity #stephanie lauter #peter spankoffski #ruth fleming #vague it’s always sunny au #I might write this but I’ll be too shy to post it probably so feel free to take this idea and run with it #I’d love to read it if you do #hatchetfield

169 notes · View notes

lordgrimwing · 26 days

Text

How Elwing Lost A Silmaril

The first letter—sealed with an eight-pointed star pressed into red wax and delivered just before dawn—left Elwing trembling in her small office, stomach rolling and the taste of bile thick on her tongue. What was she to do? What could she do? Her parents’ murderers were coming here.

The letter didn’t say as much outright. The writer (Maedhros, she’d learned his name eventually, but he would always be the red-haired orcish monster that took her home away and haunted her worst nightmares) veiled every threat behind eloquent lines of meaningless placations and enteritis for the silmaril. He asked her, granddaughter of a thief, to return it to him, eldest son of its maker and rightful heir. But she could read what he did not say: that if she did not bend to his will he would do to Sirion as he did to Menegroth. He would come with his fell army and slaughter everyone in his way.

But how could she give up the jewel? It protected them, kept the forces of darkness at bay just enough for the refugees to eke out a living on the shores. And should Eärendil, her dear, brave husband, find a path to Aman, its light might be the only thing that could stay the Valar’s Doom long enough for them to listen to him. She could not give up their hope.

The second letter—sealed in red wax and delivered as the barley fields were harvested—brought more promises of horrors unnamed falling upon the settlement. She wept after throwing it in the fire. She could not do this on her own. The city council was terrified into inaction at the thought of what lay before then, and Eärendil was still out at sea. She missed him. She missed him so terribly when the councilors looked at her with fearful eyes and asked for her decision.

The fifth letter arrived in the hands of an underfed Mannish girl as the first winds of winter blew in from the sea. Elwing gave her food and a family offered a spot in their home, but the girl said her lord instructed her to go nowhere else until she had a reply for him. Elwing thought of banishing her from the city unanswered, of telling the guards with their rough-made weapons to see that the Fëanorian did not return. She regretted the thought nearly as soon as she had it. The girl was young and it was not her fault that her parents joined themselves to a mighty Elf lord. She could stay for a day.

Tell me whatsoever you desire, the greatest or smallest need of your heart.

The letter said in handwriting that was fast becoming too familiar.

I will give unto you that thing and greater still if you would part with my father’s Silmaril. I would bring you all the provisions of my camp, all the weapons of my army, every other precious thing of power left in this land if you would but willingly part with that one small thing that I must otherwise be driven to take by force in the spring. Tell me your desire, and I will give it unto you. Let this not end with blood.

She fumed in her office, angrily pacing the thin rug gifted to her by the weary-eyed wife of one of her father’s guards who fell in the tunnels of Menegroth. She does not need anything from the murdering bastard! Sirion has all it requires. They would be safe if only they were left alone. How can Maedhros think that he could ever give her anything to make up for what he’s done, to convince her to do what he wants? He’s a monster and a coward who wishes to soothe his conscience by acting as if the attack is all her fault, an inevitable consequence of her resistance. He wishes to absolve himself of yet more evil.

She will not let him. If it is the only thing she can do, she will defy him.

Elwing takes up precious ink and paper. She throws herself into her chair and leans over the beaten desk, pouring her anger and helplessness into the words she scratches across the page.

You’ve taken everything from my people. You wish to take everything from me again. You are monstrous, servant of Morgoth. May the Valar stand against you as I cannot. What would I have, you ask? I would have what you’ve taken from me restored: I would have Dior, my father, and Nimloth, my mother; I would have Eluréd and Elurín, my brothers, alive again and in my arms. But I shall never have them for they died at your hands and at your command. You cannot give me my parents. You search for my little brothers but still cannot give them to me. So, what would I have? I would have your brothers. Give me your two youngest. I have lost my twin brothers for this gem. You must do the same.

She signed the bottom with a vicious strike that split the quill’s nip, blotting the page with ink as dark as orc blood. Her heartbeat in her chest, thumped against her ribs under her breast as though it would escape fate. Her letter would change nothing and she hesitated for a moment before dripping wax from a flickering candle for the seal, tempted to throw the paper to the fire.

She’d written in a tantrum, a final kicking of her feet against what would come in an impotent rage. But what did it matter? Did she not deserve to beat her fists against the Doom once? Everyone looked to her for leadership and guidance as Dior’s heir but she felt like little more than a child. This would be so much easier to handle with Eärendil at her side but he still had not returned and at times she doubted he ever would (what Doom had befallen him on the waters? What lonely fate for him and the crew on the waves?). She would send this letter then say goodbye to all childishness and face what came bravely as her parents and grandparents did.

Resolved, she dripped the wax and sealed the letter. She’d give it to the messenger tomorrow with what small food they could spare so the girl did not starve on the journey. And then…

And then all would be out of her hands and fate would fall as it would.

The sixth letter came in the hands of two red-haired Elves on tall horses. The men sat straight and tall in the saddle, their heads held high. Elwing would have called them haughty if they hadn’t dismounted and bowed deeply before her, falling to one knee as one might before royalty. A third Elf, dark-haired and somber-eyed, rode with them, though he kept himself aside and astride his steed.

“Queen Elwing,” one of the red-heads said, his face fire-scarred. He paused, waiting for permission to go on.

She nodded and waved her hand impatiently, wondering what new trick Maedhros was playing or if this was how he announced an impending slaughter.

The speaker went on, looking up slightly though he stayed kneeling. “We are Ambarussa–” he gestured to the other– “youngest sons of Fëanor. We give ourselves up at your request in exchange for the silmaril.”

Elwing stood in frozen silence as he continued, icy sea breeze biting at her fingers and face.

#the ambarussar are hers now i guess #will this change everything or nothing?#i have my ideas #maedhros is the worst of the sons of feanor actually because he will justify doing anything for a silmaril #crack fic #but i'm treating this crack seriously #elwing #amrod #amras #maedhros #ambarussa #elwing's ambarussa au #grimwing writes #the silmarillion #the silmarils #sirion #third kinslaying #(except it doesn't end up happening now)

131 notes · View notes