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bubbleteaimagines · 3 years

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age gap

tony stark oneshot

tony x you

swearing, large age gap

in this day and age it shouldn’t have been that big of a deal.

but it was.

y/n l/n and tony stark became trending worldwide, every gossip magazine and newspaper out for whatever information they could get about your relationship.

the relationship by the way, that had a 28 year age gap.

you were 20 and tony was turning 48, though it seemed neither of you cared as much as the world did.

you thought it was perfectly normal, seeing as your parents were years apart and tony simply didn’t give a damn.

‘screw the tabloids’ he always said, but sometimes it wasn’t that easy.

at home, you were able to relax with the idea of your age gap as it was just the two of you being y/n and tony.

but out in public, it was an entirely different deal.

whispers, stares, pictures. you name it and people did it, not even caring or respecting your private time with tony when you went out.

you didn’t expect for it to bother you as much as it did. you thought that maybe with tony by your side you could block out the whispers and the hateful stares but it was nearly impossible as it happened almost everywhere you went.

even if you went grocery shopping for god’s sake, someone still had something negative to say.

of course, tony defended you as much as he could. he tried to shield you from the hateful words and articles but sometimes he wasn’t enough.

sometimes, it did get to you and soon you realized you didn’t know how much more you could take.

you loved tony, but after being constantly called a gold digger and his sugar baby, you began to doubt yourself, and your relationship.

were you really as manipulative as the papers said? were you really just with tony for his money?

of course not. deep down you knew that with or without money you loved tony stark. and he loved you, but it didn’t help that he also loved to spoil you and he was paying almost all of your college tuition.

even though you insisted he didn’t, he did anyways. he reassured you after countless protest that that was just something he did; he took care of everyone he loved.

eventually you were forced to settle with the idea. but it never stopped the running thoughts in your head.

am i really that bad as everyone says?

it was during a christmas party that tony was holding that you finally snapped.

tony had gone all out; getting the most expensive decorations and inviting all of the richest people he knew.

and of course, since it was tony, he also got the best alcohol money could buy, and unfortunately you weren’t allowed to drink a single drop.

all night, you had stood awkwardly by tony’s side in your pretty red dress, holding a cup full of water and laughing uncomfortably as you were forced to listen to drunk rich people tell unamusing stories.

by now, the music was blasting, night had fallen, and you were pretty sure you were only one not drunk at the party, minus tony and steve.

the elegant cup that you pretended to drink from held nothing expect for water and it was only another painful reminder that you were probably the youngest one at the party.

out of respect, tony decided he wasn’t going to drink either but that did nothing to ease you. If anything, you wished that he had been drinking so that he wouldn’t remember the embarrassing conversation you were having with some of the housewives he invited.

“so, y/n, tell me,” a woman name martha kalnins gushed as she sat on one of tony’s luxurious couches, obviously drunk from one of the many glasses of wine she had had. “Is Tony really as amazing in bed as everyone says he is?”

a round of laugher from the other housewives around you made you shift uncomfortably, thankful the dark room didn’t show the frown radiating off of you.

“uh… i uh,” you sounded like a child, struggling to answer her question and you laughed uncomfortably as to not show how disturbed you really were. you shared a look with tony.

“i mean … h-he’s great at everything, honestly. it’s tony stark we’re talking about,” you answered unsurely, and tony squeezed your thigh as the women laughed again.

“oh, i guess you’re right,” martha slurred and took another drink. “that tony is a catch. hell, if i had been twenty years younger like you i would’ve snatched him up, too. with that tight little body of yours it’s no wonder he’s so eager to pay your bills.”

another round of laughter and you could feel tony beginning to tense up beside you. now, it was your turn to squeeze his leg and you turned back to the women with a tight smile.

“oh, tony doesn’t pay my bills,” you tried to assure them but they waved it off.

“oh nonsense. why else would you be with a man that’s almost 50?” another woman asked you and you threw her a sharp glare.

you were starting to heat up, not appreciating their little jabs at your relationship.

“why am i with him?” you pulled out your cold tone and scoffed at her. “i don’t know— maybe because i love him?” you said a little angrily.

how dare they insinuate anything else than the truth: you loved tony and you didn’t give a damn about his age.

the woman snorted. “yeah. that’s what i told myself when i first met howie,” she threw a glance to an older man in the corner. “sure does make the sex a lot easier when you think you love them.”

you couldn’t stop your blood from boiling.

“how dare you!”

in an instant, you were up and out of your seat, the woman’s smile long gone as you angrily got in her face.

“y/n!” tony tried to stop you but you were sick of it. you were sick of it all; the jokes, the jabs, the little comments that nobody had any business making on your relationship.

you were done.

“how dare you talk about my relationship like that when you know nothing about us!” you fumed and suddenly you had everyone’s attention.

“who are you come into our house and as our guest disrespect us? you don’t know a thing about tony and i. not a single damn thing. you don’t know about all of the late nights we have, all of the laughs we share and all of the movies we watch. you don’t know about all the things we have in common besides sex and you damn well don’t know anything about me! you don’t, because if you did then you’d know i’m not with him for the money, or the fame, or whatever else you think is associated with tony stark. i’m not here for any of that. i’m here for him, so why don’t you get your head out of your ass and realize that just because you spread your legs for money, that doesn’t mean the rest of us do!”

by the time you finished you were panting and everyone was in complete shock. it was silent, and the woman in front of you looked as if she didn’t know what the hell to do.

no one did as you stood with your chest moving heavily, your well deserved rant coming off of your consciousness.

you huffed.

“well then. seeing as i’m only 20, i guess it’s past my bedtime,” you rolled your eyes and looked at the clock, noticing it was 1AM.

“i’ll see you all … whenever. goodnight.”

you did a dramatic turn and then proceeded to exit tony stark style. leaving a big commotion behind you and no doubt people that would spread your words everywhere the next morning.

that would be another problem you would have to worry about, but right now you focused on just sleeping the entire night away.

sighing, you changed out of your dress into some shorts and swiftly got under the covers.

you closed your eyes, and you tried to let sleep come to you but it was almost impossible as you were painfully aware the spot next to you was empty.

tony hadn’t come to bed yet and it was like your body refused to let you rest until he did.

sighing again, you peeled your eyes open again and decided to stare up at the blank ceiling, waiting for tony to come to bed.

when he finally did, it was around 3AM in the morning but even the dark you could see his shit-eating grin.

“well, that was quite the performance tonight, miss l/n,” tony teased almost immediately and you groaned.

“sorry if i ruined your party,” you apologized to tony and buried your face in a pillow. “i just got so mad that people kept insinuating i was only with you for that that i just … i just snapped.” you explained.

tony was still grinning and you felt the bed dip as he gently slid in beside you.

“don’t worry about it. i’d say that was more entertaining than mrs. mccoy getting so drunk she admitted she was cheating with garden boy,” tony laughed and you snorted.

“great. i was the biggest scandal of the night,” you sighed.

“biggest one of the century, actually. how long do you think it’s gonna take for people to start talking about it?”

“i’d say it’ll make an appearance in the morning. some magazine talking about how tony stark’s sugar baby finally blew her fuse,” you yawned and tony chuckled.

“yeah well, at lease i don’t have to worry about if it’s true now.”

“worry if what’s true?”

“that you love me,” he said quietly.

you peered up at him in the dark.

“tony? what? of course i love you,” you frowned. you felt the pillow shift as tony shook his head.

“no, yeah, i know,” he said. “but now i don’t have to worry about if it’s tony stark you’re attracted to, or iron man.”

“clearly i wouldn’t be attracted to a piece of metal, tony,” you both rolled your eyes simultaneously.

“yeah, no shit,” tony sighed. “but i mean like— i don’t have to worry about which personality you’re attracted to. now i know for sure that it’s me that you want, and not just my name. or my fortune.”

“well, technically both are still up from grabs,” you smirked in the dark. “haven’t signed a pre-nup yet.”

“oh but you definitely will now,” tony scoffed, but there was humor behind both of your words.

you both found comfort in knowing that you only wanted each other, and not for the reasons everyone else thought.

you weren’t with tony for the money. and he wasn’t with you for the sex.

you both genuinely and honestly loved each other, and now you knew that no ridiculous tabloid or paper was ever gonna make you doubt that again.

#tony stark imagine #tony stark x reader #tony stark #iron man x reader #iron man x you #iron man #tony stark one shot

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gmfiswriting · 4 years

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A Stark for sure - Chapter One

A/N: Hey. I posted the prologue at around 2 AM my time and I honestly didn’t think anyone would read it, much less like it! So thank you so much. I hope you enjoy this weird angsty, mysterious (i’m trying to make it be) piece of words. (Also not my gif but creds to the owner.) The next chapter’s gonna be more informative; i promise to give you guys the juicy stuff next.

word count: 1.3k words

---

Manhattan. 2001.

“I can’t be with a man who will love his destructive lifestyle more than his child.” The woman screamed, a hand pointing towards a room at the end of the hall. “God, Tony! Can’t you at least understand why I’m upset?”

Tony blankly stared at her. A simple straight face showcasing no emotion but he was ashamed because he did understand. Last night, he had done what he usually did; paint the town red, spend too much, drink too much, end up in bed with another random woman. “Will you please quiet down?” The man spoke as he stood to get a drink.

Now the lady was seething. A complete contrast to what Anthony Edward Stark knew of her.

Florence. Florence Karla Abreo. A proclaimed neuroscientist and psychologist. Her research and discoveries were known worldwide and awed by many. She was respected for her mind but Anthony respected her for her aura. Her heart. Her kindness. She was his first love. The two had been family friends as their parents were close and happened to live a few blocks away from each in Manhattan. The usual friend-to-lover story; but people change and grow.

“Leave!” Florence cried out and he did. As he walked towards the door and right before he slammed the door, she continued. “I will not keep subjecting myself to this, Tony. You may be the father of my child but I refuse to allow you to ruin Calypso’s childhood.” With that, she broke down in tears before scurrying to grab her things. She moved as if she was running on anxiety. Grabbing bags and stuff only the necessities inside before placing them in the back of her own car. She repeated the action but with her child’s belongings before stopping in front of a door. Breathing slowly to calm herself down, she turned the knob and entered quietly.

Calypso Dmitria Stark. The baby laid in her crib, sleep consumed. Florence sobbed again as she reached the crib, stroking her daughter’s head. “I’m sorry, my love.” The child whined but continued to sleep. She was the female copy of her father in terms of looks. The dark brown hair, brown eyes and when she smiled, you could see that spark only a stark could have.

Florence picked up her daughter while placing an envelope where she once laid. “I’m sorry, Tony.” She spoke to the air. No one could blame her. A mother’s love was one of the strongest things in the universe and a mother’s sacrifice should be the most valued thing. With Calypso in her baby seat and everything in check (their flight to Boston ready), she drove away. Florence drove away from her first and only love, the father of her child, without looking back.

Avengers’ tower. 2016.

Steve Rogers, a.k.a Captain America, sighed as some senator spoke to them about the issue with their latest mission which was utter bullshit as it was just him projecting his opinion and getting him to do what he wants. None of them needed that. It was 2 am as they all sat in those uncomfortable chairs “Well sir, to be quite frank. We saved the world again while you were sleeping with your personal trainer so maybe you should keep your mouth shut.” Beep. The screen went blank as Sam Wilson, a.k.a The Falcon pressed a button on the long table.

A few members laughed and by a few, only Natasha, Bucky and Tony. The others just shook their heads; with Steve sighing loudly. “You can’t just do that, Sam. The asshole is still a government official.”

“The asshole needs to keep his mouth shut, Cap.” Tony took Sam’s side and a disagreement started. Tony and Steve talking over each other with the others either taking sides or being mediators to ensure nothing physical happened.

“Steve. He can’t just tell us what do. We legitimately sav-.” Vision

“It doesn’t matter, honey. You can’t just-.” Wanda

“Guys. Let’s just ca-.’ Bruce

“We just got back from a mission. Can’t this wait?” Rhodey.

“Still. That man was incredibly rude. As the young midgardians say online, he has small penis energy.” Thor

“It’s small DICK energy.” Peter.

It’s still unsure if any of them actually heard any of the others properly. The Avengers were all just talking over the top of each other; some related to the topic while others just babbling on about god knows what.

“Mr. Stark, sir. There’s a call waiting for you.” Jarvis spoke over them all. This didn’t stop them from talking over each other. Tony didn’t seem to care as he continued to argue with Steve, “it’s from a Claypso Abreo. She is being held at precinct 99 in Brooklyn. Do i keep her on hold, sir?”

That name.

Calypso.

Tony froze. His brain stopped working as his eyes shifted to his phone on the table. He gulped before looking at Jame Rhodey. Everyone noticed his reaction; the proclaimed, stubborn, narcissistic jerk they knew froze. “Mr. Stark?” The talking had quietened down.

“Answer it, Tones. Jarvis, keep the kid on hold. Get Happy to come around with the car now please. Also relay this info to Pepper.” Rhodey spoke quickly while gesturing for everyone to leave the room. Confused with this new situation, they all complied and exited. It was times like this that Tony was grateful for having a friend like Rhodey. As he was about to close the door, he spoke again in an encouraging tone. “I’m guessing she’s in trouble so best to answer now.”

Tony hadn’t realised everyone left, still staring at his phone. “Yeah, you’re right...” He dragged his sentence in dread. Wiping his hands on his jeans, he grabbed his phone and answered. Drawing a breath in and quickly whispering, “Calypso?”

“Hey, Dad.” A tiny voice spoke over the phone; an underlying questioning tone included. Tony broke, tears running down his face. Scared. Confused. Anxious. Why was his daughter, that he hadn’t had proper contact with for about 3 years call? She could hear him breathing. “UH, I’m guessing you’re still on. Well I hope you are. But I have no one else to call so if you can just tell Captain Holt here that I’m free to go, i’ll be out of your ha-.”

“I’m coming to get you now.” Tony blurted as he stood. You may not believe this but he loved his daughter. The man would do anything for her. He may not know her but he knew whenever she needed him, rather whenever she asked him, he’d be there.

“Oh. It’s fine, Mr. Stark.”

The man walked through the doors and towards the elevator, oblivious to the stares his teammates were giving him. Calypso. Tony’s reaction. Rhodey’s understanding. The urgency felt. As the elevator doors shut with him in it, Natasha turned to Rhodey who was nursing a drink by the counter. “Calypso?” She asked. Steve, Bucky, Sam, Bruce and her analysed Rhodey. The name made him slightly cringe and shake his head before lifting himself away from the table and towards the stairs.

“She’s...” He froze again and turned to them. “She’s a sensitive topic. It’s not my place to tell.” Resuming his walk to his quarters, the five were left blank. Who was this woman? How can she bring such with her name alone?

The five stood closer to each, whispering the possibilities about this person. “Maybe we should ask Tony.” Bruce spoke up. No matter how many times he disagreed with Tony, he still respected and valued the man. “Rhodes even said that it’s not something he should share. Plus we all saw his reaction.” Bruce insisted they confront Tones carefully and not pry into the situation.

They all nodded but Steve and Natasha gave each other a look. That look that meant ‘yeah-no-we’re-looking-into-this’. They separated, walking to their respected rooms as Sam bluntly spoke, “I’m more confused about some girl being named Calypso...”

#tony stark imagine #tony stark x stark!reader #tony stark x daughter!reader #marvel imagine #marvel #mcu #mcu imagine #avengers #avengers x young!reader #avengers imagine #iron man #spiderman imagine #spiderman #peter parker #peter parker imagine

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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The Three Caballeros Ride Again Review!: And Ladies (Ride of the Three Caballeros)

Saludos Amigos! I’m back with yet another comics review! And we’re back on The Ride of the Three Cablleros! Thanks again to WeirdKev27 for commissioning this retrospective. It’s going to get pricey and I greatly appreciate it. PREVIOUSLY ON RIDE OF THE THREE CABLLEROS

In short.. a bunch of short segments of varying quality, a very thirsty Donald hitting on ladies, the first appearance of Panchito and some very good music. A fun time was had by all. Along with a LOT OF drugs by the Disney Animators. The film wasn’t a huge success, but out of the 6 package films, it was a fan faviorite alongside the Mr. Toad and Ichabod movie, and thus was rereleased quite a bit, as well as being one of the first of this era to end up on VHS due to it’s cult popularity. As for Panchito and Jose they’d get plenty of success overseas, with both getting solo series in their respective home countries, Jose himself having just resumed having comics again this year, and being rightfully massive characters. But despite being a hit with fans across the world.. in the US... they were pretty much shoved in the Disney Vault for a few decades. Jose would show up on the Wonderful World of Disney, in it’s various forms, three times after the Three Caballeros while Panchito just vanished aside from reuses of the Three Caballeros footage. Their careers in the US just sorta vanished for a few decades. But as suddenly as they vanished, our boys returned triumphantly. Naturally being the most used out of the duo, Jose would show up for the first time in decades during Mickey Mouseworks, a show full of new late 90′s produced Mickey Mouse shorts, all but two of which would end up being recycled for the much more popular and well loved House of Mouse, which would feature the triumphant return of the Cabs to animation after so long away. We’ll get to that next time, as just a year before the Cabs had already reunited in the pages of Walt Disney’s Comics and Stories in one of Don Rosa’s best loved tales. The Ride of The Three Caballeros was something Don Rosa had wanted to do since he got the job writing Duck Comics in the first place. As he explained in the back of the complete library edition named after this tale, Uncle Keno isn’t the biggest fan of the Donald Theatrical shorts. Having experienced the Carl Barks comics first, and having built his career around them later, he just wasn’t a fan of the goofier, angrier, less nuanced theatrical short Donald, often feeling like he was an entirely different character from the one he loved. And.. honestly he’s not wrong. Both were built for entirely different kinds of comedy: While both did slapstick, Slapstick, along with standard comedy shenanigans, was the main weapon in Shorts Donald’s comedic arsenal. Barksian Donald, while not immune to slapstick, was more like a well built sitcom character: Multi layered, sympathetic when he needs to be, but still having tons of faults to be exploited for laughs and to play off other characters. As a result while I like Donald in the shorts I do prefer Barks version of him, and the shorts Barks did are usually the best of both worlds, combining Donald’s everyman schtick with his slapstick schtick. Of course later cartoons would pick one or the other or combine both, but I do get his point and at the time he wrote this story the only cartoon show starring Donald was.. Quack Pack.. which I can only imagine his reaction to seeing that train wreck.

But as you can probably guess there was one exception and it was The Three Caballeros. Don genuinely enjoys the beautiful music and the wonderful chemistry the three have. So after a trip to Mexico gave him the perfect setting and the fire in his belly to finally do it, he finally wrote the story. And since they weren’t Barksian characters and hadn’t had any other apperances in decade, Don also took a dive into their comics. Since Jose was more of a fancifial freeloader in his comics, Don decided to ignore this characterization and go with his own based on the film: A latin playboy and lounge singer. And i’m okay with him doing that, as unlike say with Marvel and DC when they destroy a character, Disney characters are both more fluid continuity wise and his is still rooted in a version of the character, and he’s fully accepting and apologetic that some fans hate him for this. Also for some damn reason they redesigned Jose at some point in his Brazil to look like this:

This is far from the dumbest comic book costume change i’ve seen, but it’s certainly one of the most lame, as his original outfit is dapper, stylish and fits the Brazilian version of him well. And it’s not like you CAN’T update the classic Disney characters with modern appearances. Quack Pack, which has somehow come up twice in this review, did so great with Donald and Daisy, giving them new clothes and a haircut in Daisy’s case but both still look great. Same with Goofy for Goof Troop who just wore a dad sweater and bow tie, which puts him in the small but significant club of “Bow Tie Wearing Characters who have defined my life” with Opus the Penguin and the 11th Doctor. You can update a classic character’s’s appearance without coming off like...

Which given Jose’s outfit there is horrifyingly similar, says something. Anyways, Rosa had more use for Panchito’s stories, which had him as a cowboy protecting small towns with the help of his trusty steed Senor Martinez. Rosa loved both aspects and thus used them here, with Martinez getting a makeover to fit Rosa’s style better. Rosa is also the one to popularize Panchito’s last name, having found it on a scrap of research, not realizing the character’s last name was not at all widespread and thus giving him a canon one that has stuck to this day, and sighing in relief when he finally got conformation from another fan this name was indeed something Disney had used after loosing his research scrap. So with the two boys characters set, a plot set up and a whole sequence planned we’ll talk about on the way “The Three Caballeros Ride Again!” was born. How good is it? Well join me under the cut and i’ll tell you.

We open in Mexico, specifically near the Barranca Del Cobre, aka The “Copper Canyon” of the Sierra Madre, a natural land formation simlar to the Grand Canyon that Don Rosa saw during his trip and thought would make a great setting. While larger than the Grand Canyon, Rosa figures in his notes it simply isn’t as popular because it’s more isolated than the Grand Canyon and that, combined with it having trees inside distracting from it’s rugged beauty, makes it much harder to build a tourist industry around. The four are headed to El Divisadero, because this comic is determined to kill me with it’s difficult to spell names apparently, where Huey, Dewey or Louie spouts off for no particular reason about the currently being built Chihuahua El Pacifico Railway. Seriously the boys might as well be the security guard from Wayne’s World in this comic, their role for most of their brief page time is just to set up stuff for later. I mean i’m fine with setting up your setting but there are better ways than just spouting off tons of exposition apropos of nothing.

Donald has driven the boys here for a Woodchuck Jamboree. I did actually look into Jamborees, as before this it only had ever come up in one of my favorite movies of all time, Moonrise Kingdom, and mentioned occasionally in the Ducktales Reboot. Jamboree was first used for a worldwide scouting Jamboree but has gone on to mean a huge gathering of scouts, with the Boy Scouts of America having one every four years, so odds are it’s just a big yearly or quarter yearly thing for the woodchucks. Still it would be nice to see a big gathering like this in the series, especially since several of our cast are involved in them, including the possible power trio of Huey, Violet and Boyd, and Della and Launchpad could easily be slotted into the plot as seen in this season’s premiere.. as could Dewey and Louie if they really want to since according to Frank their members.. they just aren’t nearly as invested as their brother, and thus don’t do Woodchuck stuff unless he drags them into it, as seen with “Day of the Only Child” in the series itself. It does make sense: Dewey doesn’t have the survival instinct or patience for camping, and Louie hates effort, the out doors, and doing things for anything but profit. Scouting is all of that. So the boys have driven all this way for the Mexican Jamboree, as they’ve been carefully raising their tarantula Tara, and the Tarantula Breeding Badge is only given out in Mexico, which is plausible: Different branches of a worldwide organization would have different awards and what not in different countries. And Tarantula’s are also native to mexico so that makes sense.. and I want you to apricate that I’m afraid of spiders, not cartoony ones, for instance, this is adorable.

Galvantula4Life. But real life ones or realistic looking ones? Yeah no fuck that. So I had to go to the Wikipedia entry and see several horrifying looking sizeable spiders for this one tiny fact. Your welcome. Tara ends up on Donald’s face with the boys assuming Donald is sad to see her go instead of you know FUCKING TERRIFIED A GIANT SPIDER IS ON HIS FACE. This gag does not work.. but probably because as I said i’m afraid of spiders and this is my nightmare, you little sociopaths.

The boys however worry about what Donald will do for the weekend as they prepare to board the bus to the Jamboree... why it’s meeting in an out of the way town like this I have no idea, but i’d guess plot convince. They realize he has no friends, which Donald shrugs off, and they REALLY shouldn’t say to his face, but ruminate on it once he leaves to do whatever after vaguely talking about friends he had in the past.

I like this scene even though it annoys me a bit: Ilike it because it does set up how Donald really DOSEN’T have any friends in the comics. It’s part of WHY Rosa was drawn to the Cabs: Their one of the few equal relationships donald’s ever had, people who treat him as a partner, in both sense probably, a friend, a true amigo. As the boys point out Scrooge is a monster to him in the comics, paying him 30 cents an hour which I actually put into an inflation calculator to get an accurate read on how little that was by 2020 standards.. and it’s 3 dollars an hour. Hence why I call him a monster, why that bit hasn’t aged well, and why Rosa REALLY, REALLY should’ve retired it. It dosen’t help reading that knowing Disney largely treated Rosa the same way is cringe inducing at best, if not for any fault of his own. It being cringe inducing for an employer horribly mistreating and underpaying his employees though is his fault, he’s a grown ass man, even in the 90′s this had to be a problem, be better.

And yes i’m being hard on Don Rosa but just like with the comics thing, I simply expect better from the man given just how much respect I have for the guy. His art is gorgeous, his research is immaculate, his knowledge of old films is wonderful and his love for them so infectious i’m tempted to seek the ones he’s mentioned in notes out. He’s a truly wonderful guy and one of my faviorite comic writers.. but I have to treat him fairly like I do ANY of my idols. Just to prove that, I love Grant Morrison, especially his run on New X-Men, but a lot of it hasn’t aged well including some of the language and the entire subplot with Emma manipulating Scott into having an affair when he wasn’t in the best mental place and she knew that and was acting as his therapist, and treating that as a regular affair REALLY doesn’t play well nor should it have. I love Al Ewing, with all my heart and soul, but his run on Ultimates, while having some great worldbuilding and a spectacular cast, ultimately wasn’t very good after the first arc. Not terrible but not good. John Aliison, of Scary Go Round and Giant Days fame, while impressive has had plenty of stories I just didn’t like for various reasons and will probably get into some day and some parts of his stories haven’t aged well. It’s the hard but necessary part of being a critic: You have to be objective and see all the parts of a creator’s creation, not just the ones you like and call them out when they screw up. To me being a fan isn’t about just blindly loving something, it’s about knowing WHY you love it and being willing to call out faults while still thoroughly enjoying the work. There’s a fine line between being blindly loyal to someone, which has created Zach Snyder's awful cult of personality that I hate so much, and being an overly critical shithead and I hope I’m straddling that line.

Back on the scene after that filibuster they point out Gladstone, who himself is a monster to me for how he doesn’t lift a finger to help his nephews or cousin, and constnatly flaunts his luck to Donald, and is a bit more than teasing especially since he tried to, you know, steal your house once boys. That’s canon.. that’s a barks story so it’s canon here. You.. You remember that right? He tried to steal your house. And we will be getting to that one next month, just you wait. Finally the Daisy part that annoys me slightly. The boys being sexist.. was sadly the style at the time this story is set, the 1950′s, and thus plays better for me than it does in Ducktales, as their just little boys and don’t know better. Them assuming Girlfriends aren’t like having friends, while accurate though does bother me a bit, but only because the way this story treats Donald’s relationship is PRETTTTTYYYY bad and this sets that up. But we’ll get to that. Thankfully this foreshadowing of terrors to come is quickly forgotten as we get a GENUINELY great two panels of Donald lamenting his lack of friends. It just works really well, selling his loneliness and how isolated he truly feels without any, which while I have friends I can relate to as I only really hang out with on regularly.

This is what I was talking about. While I will point out Rosa’s flaws.. their truly outweighed but his artistic mastery. In just three panels he really has a truly emotional and heartrending scene, and just that one close up among them is all we need to get the true depths of Donald’s loneliness. I can be hard on the guy, but it’s because he’s one of the best there is, best there was, and best there ever will be and thus I hold him to a high standard. But with that we transition to...

Or rather first his boss at the hotel, whose pissed his headliner has skipped out on him again to woo a lady, and while he plans to fire the guy, only isn’t throttling him because he figures one of his “Senorita’s” boyfriends will do that for him. And while I do like Jose as a playboy i’m not really fond of him trying to have sex with someone in a relationship, as it puts both him and the person he’s having an affair with in a really bad light. It does fit the character, I just don’t have to like it. As for this particular Senorita, it turns out her boyfriend is a notorious Bandito and is thankfully out of town. So yes, Jose is essentially acting out Come A Little Bit Closer by Jay and the Americans.

youtube

Naturally just like the song, said Bad Man returns, Alfonso “Gold Hat” Bedoya, a machete wielding baddie who while understandably pissed about another man making time with his girlfriend, is less understandably about to murder Jose. Though unlike the song, Alfonso’s Lady, rather than help Jose, encourages her boyfriend to murder him and clearly has a fetish for cheating on her boyfriend with various men and watching as he kills him which.. Jesus. This is why while I don’t LIKE the idea of Jose hitting on women in a relationship it does work here, as he’s still not nearly as bad as either of these two, so it evens out. Jose escapes with his umbrella but crashes.. right into the back of Donald’s car. Rosa, Alfonso’s lady, encourages him to murder both of them for funsies, and being a brutal thug, Alfonso obliges and shoots at the car. And since, to quote the duck himself, Donald doesn’t like being killed “Even a little”, he books it out of there.

Alfonso doesn’t peruse them though. He’s on the trail of a treasure hunter who has a map to the lost town of Tayopa, which contains untold silver, but before he can do that he has important buisness to get to.

I fucking love that gag and that Rosa snuck more adult gags in there knowing plenty of Duck Fans, such as myself, are grown men, women and others who can handle this sort of thing, while still slippnig it past the kids.

Donald, once the fear’s worn off a bit, starts to wonder WHY he’s running when he’s not the one who pissed off the guy, and ignores Jose’s good point about the fact Alfonso really dosen’t seem like a guy who sees nuance.. until Donald sees a wanted poster for Alphonoso and keeps driving. He eventually gets far enough away to feel safe.. and confront the guy who got him into this mess.

Now kiss. While sadly, they do not, we do get a lovely warm reunion between old pals. Rosa keeps their past vauge as, correctly, he pointed out in his authors notes that the Cabs movie really had no plot, accurate, so instead just vaguely alluded to Donald having known the two in his pre-daisy and boys past and likely had similar adventures to the movie, but adapted more for Rosa’s barksian universe. Jose explains he often finds himself cash poor and thus hits the road to drum up some money, and Mexico is a great place for that as it has plenty of tourist money.

Though as Jose talks about their past we get the most uncomfortable running gag of the story.

While Donald’s paranoia here is played for laughs.. it just.. isn’t all that funny that Donald’s relationship with Daisy in the Rosa canon is apparently sooooo deeply unhealthy that just HEARING about him having a romantic past before him, as Rosa confirmed this was pre-daisy in his notes, causes Donald to panic and worry she actually somehow heard this. It just isn’t funny.. it speaks of MASSIVE relationship issues and some form of domestic abuse on Rosa!Daisy’s part. It’s stuff like this why there’s only a handful of Donsy relationships I like: Her treating him like shit is reduced to a punchline, instead of being used for character growth. It’s also why I’m deeply dreading covering “Legend of the Three Cablleros” at the end of this retrospective. I just don’t like when Disney media treats Daisy expecting too much of Donald or being hyper jealous of him as hilarious and while I take this more as the story not ageing well rather than barks fault, as since then Domestic Abuse against Males has become a more widely known and talked about issue, it still doesn’t’t make it plesant. It just makes this not entirely his fault. Just like it’s not Stan Lee’s fault this panel is both deeply hilarious and uses a now kinda racist term.

I named an entire youtube channel after that.. we all have our regrets. I also bring it up since currently Harry’s become terrifying villain Kindred... and thus the current big bad of an entire Spider-Man run and the being hopefully bringing one more day into the light and hopefully leading to it’s undoing.. once had a goofy mustache he genuinely referred to a “Fu Manchu Face Fuzz” that for all we know he regrew under the mask.

Donald fondly remembers the old days of being a badass adventuring team and decides, screw it, let’s go show that Gold Hatted Paloka whose boss.. but being Donald ends up driving them into The Copper Canyon instead. Our heroes end up lost in the canyon and , fitting for Donald get shot at. I can only imagine his thoughts right now.

Their mysterious attacker threatens them.. before revealing himself to be Panchito, whose glad to see his friends having mistook them for Alfonso. Turns out HE’S the mysterious treasure hunter Alfonoso was after, to no one’s surprise. We get another deeply unfunny “Daisy’s only a thousand miles away gag” as the boys reminisce and get introduced to Panchito’s horse, Senior Martniez. He also tells the boy about his map.. but how he’s hit a snag as the lost town where the silver, from a silver mine.. is now buried under pounds of volcanic rock, a volcano having erupted. This is artistic license as Don Rosa admits there aren’t any known volcano’s in Mexico, but that they also still haven’t found that missing town, so this was his explanation. All is not lost as Donald’s globetrotting with Scrooge meant he knows his history.. and thus spots an old mission which, at the time, were used by preists as cover for secret mines. Donald naturally bungles his way in and we get the much better running gag of the Cabs thinking Donald did something amazing when he really just wondered into slapstick. They end up down the shaft, with Jose deciding Donald can’t do all the work, and finding a secret entrance under a sanctum sanctorum.. a religious thing I have no idea what it ii s but is clearly where Dr. Strange got the name. Regardless they find some old kegs filled with pure silver. As Panchito puts it:

And he did ideed. In a nice moment that shows off his character, Panchito has no hesitation for sharing the wealth: He wouldn’t of got this far without his friends, and he wont get the Silver cashed in without their help. He also fires off his guns in celebration.. forgetting their in a cave, a gag I genuinely like.

After some off screen loading and hoisting, the boys are slowly on their way out of the canyon, with Donald’s Car and Senor Martinez pulling the cart with the silver together. With some downtime the three talk about what they’ll spend the money on.

About what you’d expect. A big beautiful music venue

For Jose, and a nice ranch to retire at for Panchito. Both despite being wondering souls would love a simple place to call home, in their own personal styles. While they are BIG goals, their also likeable and understandable ones: Jose just wants to stop having to do all these tours and carouse and party and perform at home. Be his own boss, and live his own dreams instead of working for whoever will put up for him. Panchito just wants to retire from being a wondering hero to a peaceful life of farming, an honest reward he well earned. And Donald?

This is easily one of my faviorite moment’s of Rosa’s, one that really cuts to comic donald’s character: Sure he can be lazy, a trickster, hot tempered, and overconfident.. it’s why we love him.. but at the end of the day he genuinely loves those boys and their his first prority and I can see why the reboot took that trait and made it his defining one. They may annoy and frustrate them and he may pull a switch on them, 50′s after all.. but he loves his boys and knows they’ll do great one day and despite his spendthrift ways when given big money.. their all he can think about. Sure Donald probably has his own personal dreams, but instead of going big and retiring he’d probably just take only a small sliver of that money to open a humble hot dog stand or something, so he could have something of his own to provide them, while still giving most of the money to their college. Scrooge is who we all want to be.. Donald is who we are at our core: Flawed people who just want to do our best. It’s why I love the guy so much. The boys rest in the small town of El Divisadero, which like the town we started in is a real place, though both are much smaller, even as of 2000 when Rosa made his visit, so he had to embelish slightly. THey stop at a local watering hole only to find Alphonso. While Jose is naturally worried, Gold Hat has moved on to Panchito and wants to know why he’s here. However Donald thinking quickly says he’s part of their nightclub act, and we get a rousing version of the three cablleros, which when reading this I synched up to the song. I won’t put it here, as it’s too big for tumblr and it really works more as a whole, but needless to say, it’s the highlight of the comic. While Rosa did have doubts about putting a musical number in a comic, and it’s often trickey, he makes it work with the energy, vibrance and number of gags, that compensate for the music not being there. There’s tons of great gags, from Donald getting thrown out window, to the stone faced crowd who only cheers when Alphonso ends the number by whacking the three with one of their own guitars. Alphonso quickly realizes what’s goin on, finds the silver, and then hyjacks the train. The boys take off after him in the car, as Donald triumphantly states “The Three Cablleros Ride Again!”. The three head after Alphonzo, who finds them when trying to release the other cars to increase speed, and then shoots at them. It seems hopeless... until donald gets launched into the air, into a cactus then back into Alphonzo knocking his guns out in a great bit of slapstick. The Conductor, likely not knowing about the others or not carring, detaches the cars though, so our heroes and villian are now sent rocketing through the world’s most dangerous railway. Which, as you’d probably already figured out, is very real and what inspirited rosa to use this setting and thus indeed wind through dangerous mountainsides and over thin cliffs like a real life Donkey Kong Country level. Eduardo still has his machete though and easily beats Jose’s umbrella, but some more Donald slapstick and him apologizing to daisy about the senioritis as he wishes her goodbye seriously GET SOME COUPLE’S COUNSELING IF THAT EXISTS IN THE 50′S. It puls his sombrero down over his head, and with jose’s umbrella top landing on it, carries him off where he ends up in a lazy asshole sheirff’s jail for a gag. The boys however continue going back.. and the railway is unfinished at this time in history and while they save the silver, their fucked. But Donald has a plan, running to the back of the cars to get his car, and while it has trouble starting, Panchito throws some chilie’s in the tank to get it moving again. The boys find the silver.. but when one barrel spills they find out it’s not actual liquid silver.. but quicksilver, which was used for silver refinment. So while i’ts shiny, and toxic so of course Jose sticks his hand in before knowing what it is, it’s worthless. Probably. The boys.. all have a nice laugh over it. I love this moment. Sure the boys lost their dreams.. but like Scrooge, the three belivie theirs always another rainbow. What matters is the journey they had and the reunion that restored their friendship. Donald also muses the boys are smart enough to get their own scholarships anyway, so it’s no big loss.. but he does have to get back to Disvadero as the jamboree ends tonight and Jose agrees as he now needs a job again. The owner balks, understandably since Jose missed a performance to get laid and then disappeared overnight.. but the Hotel Owner is visiting so as long as he can provide a big act he’s good, and while Jose is worried as he already gave them his best, the boys naturally pitch in to be the cablleros once more. After all

So we close on Huey, Dewey and Louie returning, still worrying about donald, when they find him on stage. We then end on a truly heartwarming and great last few panels.

Final Thoughts: What else can I say? This story is beautifully drawn, as usual for Rosa, well paced, fun and really fleshes the Cabs out from the movie. It has a warm, fun adventurous tone and it’s nice to see Donald in the lead since Rosa usually did Scrooge stories and thus Donald was the justifiably surly sidekick instead of the main man> here he’s in the spotlight and gets to show just what he’s made of, while still being the hilarious mess we all know and love. The story honors the original film well, while forging it’s own path and is beautifully built into history. My only real complaints are the nephews being annoying, Alphonso’s somewhat overwrought accent, and of course the daisy gags.. but it’s all HEAVILY outweighed by one of Rosa’s finest hours and easy enough to ignore. Check this out if you can. It’s a classic for a reason.

If you liked this review, you can commission your own by messaging me on here or at my discord technicolormuk#655 for five dollars a comic story or animation episode. Whenever the ride resumes next, we’ll coming on down to the house of mouse to see the boys return to the screen. In the meantime keep an eye on this space for regular Ducktales reviews every Monday, including once this run ends as I intend to start playing catchup, loud house reviews whenever, my tom retrospective that’s returning soon, and my retrospective on the Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck, with chapter 2 of that also coming soon. Until then, there’s always another rainbow.

#the three caballeros #jose carioca #panchito pistoles #donald duck #don rosa #ride of the three caballeros #the three caballeros ride again #huey duck #dewey duck #louie duck #daisy duck #mexico #comics #reviews #elmo keep

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brianandthemays · 4 years

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Gun on my Thigh (Four/Billy x reader)

A/N I really hope you liked this! I have another Four x reader coming out soon, another request, and then my Valentine’s Day fic for my secret lover!

Request: Hi, I'm the 6 underground anon! I might have an idea about four x eight!reader... So: the team goes on a mission and eight is at a party or smth like that, looking for the target. She's wearing a long black dress and under it she has a gun tied to a garter (like Mr and Mrs Smith). Then smth happens and there's this scene where she pulls off the gun and start shooting and four is looking at her and falls in love. I've been thinking about this for a while ♡

Warnings: Guns, a seriously gross dude, unwanted touching

Word Count: 2.1K

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Normally you hated dressing up. Putting on a full face of make up made you feel like you were being smothered by foundation. But tonight, you couldn’t help feeling sexy as you walked into the ballroom with your hair up and your lips popping. Somewhere in the room was the target. Some asshole child trafficker that you wanted to stab over and over again. Across the room was Four, looking quite dashing in his black tux with a nice bow tie. If you weren’t focused on the mission you might pull him into a side room and let him ravage you but unfortunately, you could not.

“Ma’am would you care for a drink?” A member of the waitstaff approached you and only a quick glance showed you it was Three. He held out a champagne flute to you which you took, raising your eyebrows at him cockily.

“Why, thank you, sir,” you replied smoothly.

“Eight, he’s at the bar, go see what you can get out of him,” One’s voice shouted in your ear. You flinched and scowled at his tone. Coolly, your eyes flitted over the guests at the bar, slowly making your way towards it. Then your eyes landed on the son of a bitch. Greasy haired and sleezy smiled. You saddled up the bar right next to where he was sitting, making sure to stick out your ass and lower your cleavage to hopefully get his attention.

“Excuse me!” You called to the bartender. “Hey! I’d like a drink please!”

“A pretty girl like you doesn’t have someone getting her drinks for her? What a shame.”

Ugh, his voice was like nail on a chalk board. Though his words were slightly slurred, maybe this would be easier than you thought. He had moved quite closely to you and you felt yourself taking a step back from himself subconsciously but quickly fixed your mistake. You turned on your acting face, pouting your lips and hooding your eyes.

“My date left me earlier tonight,” you told him with a frown. “I guess I’m buying my own.”

“Nonsense.” His hand came to rest on your waist, gripping the skin their slightly. You glanced down at his hand but quickly back up to him. “What are you drinking?”

“How about, a jack and coke, hm?” you answered, licking your lips seductively.

He smirked and ordered the drink for you. Your eyes flitted to Four who was watching the scene carefully. You smirked at him, winking in his direction. He rolled his eyes at you before moving on to his next spot.

“So, my lady.” He handed you your drink, his hand on your waist shifting downward slightly. “What brings you to my humble party?”

You brought the drink to your lips, taking a small sip before replying. “Well, I was here with a guy who was looking to do some sort of business. Wouldn’t tell me much more than that.”

The man raised his eyebrows at you, sipping at his own drink. “Well, it is a business party.”

“Oh, what kind of business do you own?” you asked, feigning innocence.

He waved you off, pulling you closer to him. You wanted to vomit, his hand was wrapped around your waist so tightly, and his breath smelt like garlic. He was, all together, disgusting.

“Let’s not talk about business, let’s talk about you,” he murmured, eyeing down your cleavage. “And let’s get you another drink.” He flagged down the bartender and when he turned away you took a breath. You knew tonight was going to be difficult, but this was really testing you.

“Do you run the business locally?” you pressed, ignoring his past word.

He groaned slightly, annoyed to be back on the subject. “It’s worldwide, you could say. I got spots in Los Angeles, Mexico City, Beijing.” Then he smiled “Working on getting a spot in Berlin, too.” He handed you your drink, shoving it into your hand. “But what do you do for a living?”

You giggled, trying to act more drunk than you currently were. “I’m a model. I actually work in LA, too!”

He raised his eyebrows, a sly smile coming over his face. “Really, who you staying with? Family? Friends?”

“Nope, I live on my own!” you answered, laying the bait for him.

“Hm.” His hand crawled up your spine, ghosting over the bare skin on the back of your dressing, coming to tangle with your hair. “You should come by mine sometime soon.”

Oh, this was too easy. “Oh? Where do you live?”

Just as he was about to answer, a commotion started to your left. Your head snapped towards the doorway, Two and Five were standing guns raised and you knew you had run out of time. You cursed silently.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” The man questioned, cocking his head.

“Um, I have to go,” you answered, trying to pull away from him.

He frowned but only slightly loosened his grip. “At least take my card.”

You glanced over his shoulder at Two, silently telling her to wait just a moment more. He pulled out his wallet and took out a small index card with his name and number along with an address on it.

“I hope to see you again,” he mused, handing you the card.

You scoffed. “Oh, I’m sure we will.”

You swiped the card from him, pushing back as far away from him as you could. You looked up at Two who nodded at you. Finally, this bastard could pay. You reached down and pulled up your dress, grabbing the gun holstered to your thigh and pointed it right at the man.

“See you in hell, asshole,” you quipped. The man didn’t even have time to react before you shot him. That’s when the yelling started. People were screaming and running, and you struggled to find Four. He was your partner. You needed to find him and get out as soon as possible.

You dodged a swing as a security guard came at you from the front. You turned quickly and shot him in the head, jumping over the bar to find some coverage.

“Fuck, I’m stuck behind the bar,” you yelled into your com. “Can anyone read me?”

You looked to your right to see another guard running towards you, but before you even had time to react, a gunshot sounded, and the guard fell. You turned around and saw Four. He slid next to you with a smirk on his face.

“I read you,” he replied, placing a quick kiss on your forehead. “Now next time maybe don’t trap yourself in a bar.”

“Oh, fuck you,” you snapped back. He grabbed your arm and you stood, shooting at any man in a security guard uniform. Your gun clicked, signifying out of ammo, so you reached down and grabbed the second ammo pack you’d hidden on your thigh along with the gun. You snapped it into the gun and started shooting again.

“God, I think I’m in love,” Four spoke, a lazy smile on his face. You smiled but didn’t look away from your targets.

“Hey, love birds,” One was back in your ear. “Get the fuck out of there.”

Four moved to the other side of you looking for the best escape route. His eyes spotted a shattered window to the left of the bar, not far from where they were. The jump wasn’t far down from there and he could easily guide the two of you down.

“Do you trust me?” he murmured in your ear. You looked over at him, lowering your gun slightly. He raised his eyebrows at you, questioning you again.

You let out a breath, rolling your eyes. “Of course, I do.”

“Then stay close to me.” He grabbed your hand and started off towards the window. You kept close, covering the two of you when you needed. He pulled you down to the window and nodded at you to shoot it. You shot it the rest of the way and jumped out with him. He brought you to a ledge and looked at you.

“Four, I swear.”

“You said you trust me!” He cocked his head, looking into your eyes. “It’s not far, I can keep us safe.” He squeezed your hand. “I’ll keep you safe.”

You looked down at the jump and felt your heart thudding. Then you looked back at Four and knew your decision.

“Fuck, I still hate you,” you told him. “But let’s just do it.”

Four smirked and came behind you, putting his hands on your hips. He muttered directions into your ear, pointing to wear you were going to land.

“I’m right here, it’s going to be okay,” he reassured you. “On the count of three, jump.”

He wrapped his arms around your waist, bending his knees slightly.

“One.”

You took a breath, leaning back against Four.

“Two.”

You grabbed onto his hands around your waist.

“Three.”

And then you were jumping and Four’s grip on you was so tight you thought you might stop breathing. Then he flipped you around, so he was underneath you and as soon as his back touched the ground he started rolling and you let out a grunt. Eventually you stopped rolling and you felt your body start to ache.

“Ow,” you mustered out. He chuckled and let go of you, let you roll off from on top of him. “Let’s never do that again.” You looked down at your black dress, now torn and matted. “Ruined my brand-new dress.”

“God you’re fucking amazing,” Four groaned out, looking over at you. You let a smile make its way over your features as you looked over at him. He rolled over and crawled over you. “You and that thigh holster, my god. And the way that pervert was touching you I wanted to scream.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“You’re so fucking sexy.” He reached down and pressed a kiss to your lips. “And I think I might love you.”

Your eyes widened. He said it earlier, but you figured it was the heat of the moment. But here he was, in the quiet of the aftermath, saying it again. You reached up and grabbed him by his jacket, pulling him down to kiss him again.

“I think I love you, too” you responded. He kissed you again more fervently this time. He reached down and brough your thigh up to swing around his back and pressed into you harder.

“Four and Eight, where the fuck are you?” Seven’s frantic voice broke you apart, you both flinching at the noise.

Four reached up and pressed on his com. “We’re out the left side, we made a detour.”

“On our way,” Seven answered.

You and Four looked at each other for a moment longer before bursting out laughing. Here you were making out like teenagers on the ground outside of a serious crime scene. He pecked your lips one last time before standing up and holding out his hand to help you up. You brushed off the dirt from your dress and reached into your bra to find the card the man had given you. Still there.

“You gotta stop being so sexy, love,” Four teased, coming right up behind you and nuzzling his face in your hair. “You’re such a fucking—”

Just as he was finishing the van whirled around the corner, alerting you of the others presence. You whapped the side of his head.

“Get off of me!” you mused, walking towards the van.

“Oh, you are so going to get it later,” Four growled, hopping into the car after you.

You approached One and handed him the card. “That’s his LA house, he says they have places in Mexico City and Beijing as well, and he said something about them working on a place in Belgium.”

“Gee, thanks sherlock,” One remarked, taking the card. “Really narrows it down.”

“You sent Two in too early, I couldn’t get much more,” you defended, crossing your arms.”

“Not my problem, but this will have to do, go get your injuries looked at,” He deflected, sending you away.

You frowned, muttering an insult under your breath before going to sit next to Four and Five. You leaned your head against the side of the truck. Four took your hand and smiled sympathetically at you.

“Dickhead,” he muttered, smirking.

“Absolute wanker,” you replied. Then you leaned your head against his shoulder, closing your eyes.

#Ben Hardy #Ben Hardy x reader #Ben Hardy imagines #Four #Four x reader #Four imagines #Billy #Billy x reader #Billy imagines #Four/Billy #Four/Billy x reader #Four/Billy imagines #Billy/Four #Billy/Four imagines #Billy/Four x reader #6 underground #6 underground imagines #6 undergound x reader

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red-winters · 4 years

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*Batfam fic-recs

*Some are Tim Drake Centric

**Some links are not working in mobile (and ONLY mobile) for some reason? And some titles that were bolded in the original post are ALSO not displaying on mobile correctly. Idk what to do about that, but you can still look up the fic, I guess.

The Bat’s Crest - livierambles

Note: I will always keep recommending this fic. It’s epic, thrilling, and hilarious and sometimes angsty. Also, everyone is confused, including the ones doing the confusing. Maybe especially the ones doing the confusing. Also, some Tim and Damian bonding, which is always nice.

Summary: Tragedy strikes the hero community when Bruce Wayne commits a crime so heinous even the best start asking for blood. However, as the heroes try to recover from the hit and carry out justice for their friends, a random assortment of people start acting oddly, including the current Speedy Tim Drake, a child hostage in Gotham, and a young man from an unremarkable circus amongst others. All of them seem intent on saving Bruce Wayne from the grasp of the Justice League for no apparent reason, going as far as betraying their previous allegiances.

Unknown to the Justice League, these people are equally confused. Clearly they're stuck in another dimension, but how do they get back? How did they even get here? Who else is stuck in this world? And how long will Tim's patience last? Back home, the Bat was a planetary symbol that struck fear in the hearts of criminals. In this new world, it has no meaning, save for the handful of stranded souls.

In the Shadows - Kieron_ODuibhir

(shortened) Summary:

“I’m not like you.”

The cowl still looked like something he was wearing, but Clark knew it was not. It flexed like skin when Batman narrowed his blank white eyes and said, “I can see you know that.”

Chirp - AmariT

Summary: Every piece of the signal Tim unlocked revealed more locks, and by the time he broke through the last one, he was already mentally rehearsing his many upcoming talk show appearances. 'Yes,' he told the interviewer, 'it was difficult for me, a ten-year-old genius, to break open the worldwide alien conspiracy. That's why it took a whole hour.'

When the crackling audio started, he expected some weird alien language. Maybe squawks and high-pitched squeals mixed with musical woofs. Maybe they wouldn't talk at all, and images would beam directly into his mind. Maybe they'd talk in practiced English with a Midwestern drawl like their other resident alien.

Instead he heard a low, guttural voice growling out of his computer speakers. "Robin," it said. "Are you in position?"

A Better Cage - Mangaluva

Note: I was absolutely DELIGHTED to see a Young Justice Crossover with the Justice Lords (Earth-50) from the animated Justice League series, which is near and dear to my heart. I admit I haven’t really had much time to hunker down and read this, but even skimming, it’s an intriguing piece of work. Also, Justice Lords.

Summary: Wally's grateful to have woken up at all, really. He just doesn't know what to make of the world he's woken up in. At least they want to find a way to his world as much as he does, if not exactly for the same reasons...

Common People - AmariT

Note: The Bat boys are all Bruce’s blood sons, but it still feels very much like a found family. I haven’t really read everything in this series, but I feel the author has an amazing grip on all the characters. Lovely and heartwarming.

Summary: His whole life, Jason’s mom had told him his dad was Bruce Wayne, but he’d never been dumb enough to actually believe it. They lived in a rundown, one-room apartment in the worst part of town, and in every single picture he’d ever seen of that rich bastard he was wearing a suit or sipping champagne worth more than everything they’d ever owned.

But if he wasn’t Bruce Wayne’s kid, then what the hell was he doing sitting outside the man’s office in Wayne Towers?

Red Robin and the Hood - momoejaku

Note: Haven’t read this in a while, but it made an impression. Though it’s a fic set during the Red Robin arc, it very much is about both Tim and Jason. Plus, it fleshes out the Pru and Z a bit more, too.

Summary: Bruce Wayne is dead. Superman brought back his body, and the family mourned him, holding a quiet funeral in secret so that the legacy of Batman could live on. But not everyone has been able to put him to rest.

Reeling from the loss of Bruce, his identity as Robin and his trust in his family, Tim Drake sets out on a personal quest that will take him across the world to prove what he knows in his heart: that Bruce Wayne is alive.

Though intending to make his way alone, Tim reluctantly accepts help from his predecessor, Jason Todd, who knows from personal experience that death is not always as final as it seems.

Together, they are Red Robin and the Hood.

Liminal Spaces - Calamityjim

Note: Skimmed this only since I’ve been busy, BUT it does look well-written, and I’m always a sucker for alternate dimension/dimension travel intervention-type of fix-its. It’s a very specific trope.

Summary:

Bruce's habit of collecting strays is not limited by dimension.

When Young Justice Batman comes across an angsty, seemingly abandoned by his Batman Tim Drake, he decides to step up to the plate and parent the crap out of him.

Little Bird’s Vengeance - KatHarkness-Katara

Note: Crossover with Avengers. Awesome fic with Tim and Jason and some Outsider POV (via the Avengers) of these dimensional stragglers. I think Tim’s team shows up in the later chapters, too. If you’re reading on mobile, it’s still very much worth reading despite FF.net’s horrible format and abundance of advertisements in the mobile version.

Summary: Why is life never simple? Red Robin's ended up worlds away from home once again, and now what's he to do? What do the Avengers want from him; do SHIELD have another agenda; and is there any way back? Pre-New 52. No slash. Rated for inevitable language/violent themes.

A Displaced Red Robin - dragonprincess1988

Note: Worth reading despite FF.net’s horrible format and abundance of advertisements in the mobile version. Well-written fic! EMOTIONS! I love them. Younger Dick Grayson is adorable, Tim is a competent fixer-upper for other people but not so much himself. He’s kind of angsty and making YJ Dick want to keep him (and YJ Bruce, too, if you read between the lines). On the plus side, seems like he’s making good friends with Young Justice Roy. This fic was written before certain episodes of YJ came out, though, and the fic reflects/will continue to reflect that. Still, I give it five stars.

Author’s Summary: Tim gets transported to the cartoon Young Justice world, and he's not sure he knows how to deal with it. Attention: If you want to know about Artemis or people from Tim's world the final note on my profile is for you. Also, a special thank you to angel-gidget over at Tumblr, who made the wonderful cover art for this story.

The Till-then From the Ever Since - Keiron O_Duibhir

Note: Fandom classic. Definitely a must-read for Batfam fans, in my humble opinion.

Summary: It began, or seemed to begin, with Jason.

Usually that would have meant something in the order of fire and explosion and probably at least one gunshot wound, but for once (as Tim said, sourly), it wasn't actually Jason's fault.

The Wayne Family Ghost - pupeez4eva

Note: Please read this. Especially if you’re sad or anxious or just have time. I couldn’t stop laughing. It’s my go-to cheer-up fic. Absolutely hysterical.

Summary: In which Bruce realizes that having a legally dead son, who regularly hangs around the family, might be slightly problematic.

Bloodline - chibi_nightowl

Note: Complicated family dynamics, this time centering around Tim, Selina, Bruce and, surprisingly, Damian. Jason and Dick make an appearance as supportive big bros, too. It works. Take a read, it isn’t that long.

Summary:

“Mr. Drake, I can’t think of a better way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt. This file is for your first adoption. By the Drakes.”

Tim blinked. “My what?”

“You were adopted as a newborn by Jack and Janet Drake.”

“Excuse me, but what the fuck are you talking about?”

Talon!Tim AU Series by keeptogethernow

Note: Found family, from a different angle. Cool fic and well-written.

Summary of Tso’ape Mumbichi, first in the series: Ten years ago, two people made a deal with the devil--unlimited funds in exchange for their child. And now it's time to pay up. But there's no way to ensure that the child will cooperate.

Shutterbug Series by goldkirk

Note: Exactly what it says on the tin! Found family.

Summary:

Tim Drake is thirteen, runs the famous BatWatch blog that has spiraled hilariously out of control, has absentee parents that suit his purposes just fine, is training himself to run the streets at night, and is doing absolutely peachy, thank you.

Alfred and Jason disagree, and get Dick and Bruce involved in figuring out their weird next door neighbor kid’s life. Everything goes uphill from there.

Thursday’s Child - anthalogia

Note: Well-written and has found family and Tiny!Tim? Automatic win.

Summary:

He’s not the first child with nowhere else to go that Bruce Wayne has taken in. Dick Grayson was the first and the most high-profile – because no one would have thought Bruce Wayne was interested in ever raising a child, let alone the orphaned son of circus performers – but Jason was maybe just as much of a shock to society for being a street kid who came out of seemingly nowhere. Tim Drake is ordinary by comparison – his parents died in a plane accident. He can’t think of anything very special about him except that he met Bruce a few times when his parents hosted parties to keep in touch with Gotham society.

Or, tiny Tim Drake is adopted by the Waynes a little earlier than scheduled.

We’re Not Driving (How did we get here?) - TimTheToaster

Note: Short and sweet, a little angsty, and then very sweet.

Summary:

Tim stared at his phone, as if that would change what was on the screen.

Dick Grayson @FlyingDGrayson

It took some doing, and in some cases a little blackmail, but we've finally got the whole family together for a movie night! #WayneManor #movienight #familytime #schedulingisanightmare

15 minutes ago

Take It Back Now Y’all - TimTheToaster

Note: And Tiny!Jason has made his appearance. Also, Tim, I am begging you to please take care of yourself—ah, Bruce has made his appearance. Interesting. Also, I gotta say this author is good.

Summary:

There was absolutely no way this sunshine was from Gotham in April.

Not possible.

Which meant, Tim was no longer in Gotham, in April.

(In which Tim finds himself in the past, and tries to do the right thing. It's more complicated than he'd like.)

Takes a Little Time, Takes a Lotta Twine (To Get Us Back Together) - TimTheToaster

Note: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, beginning of reconciliation, and brotherhood. A satisfying, cathartic moment during the Red Robin arc to soothe your heart.

Summary:

Tim was in Gotham.

Tim had pretty specifically been avoiding thinking about Dick as much as possible for the last few weeks.

For the last year, really. No need to open that can of carnivorous worms.

Dick had other plans.

Everybody’s Heard (Bird is the Word) - TimTheToaster

Red Robin Era ANGST, but like, deliciously well-written. Also, protective Dad Bruce is always epic. Light bashing of Green Arrow and BC, though. But considering the situation (in this fic), kind of warranted.

Summary:

5 times Batman heard other heroes talking about his wayward brother,

And 1 time they were talking about his son.

A Choice to Make - scorbusfics

Note: fresh and interesting premise! Cool world building, too.

Summary: They have to choose. Dick and Bruce have to choose one person each to save, and one to disappear through the door.

“Send one of us,” Dick says fiercely, not for the first time. His face is dark and angry and desperate, eyes flicking from brother to brother. “Send one of us instead. I won’t choose.”

“Neither will I,” Bruce says.

But Tim knows.

Secret Places - RenaRoo

It’s ANGST, but the author knows how to use it well. Also, Jason’s line at the end killed me. Damn.

Summary: Tim Drake goes missing. The search to find him begins.

#fic recs #batfam #tim drake fic rec #batfam fic rec

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grace-likes-things · 5 years

Text

Chapter One - Something Different

Masterlist

A/N Hello! Fic #2 of my whole life and it is a friggin long one. But I felt inspired, and I’ve been letting the outline sit on my laptop for months so I though I had to get to writing it. Chapter one is bit longer than the next few, (I think it’s gonna be about 25 overall, yikes lol but I want some good plot practice) and it has some nice father daughter moments and sets up a lot of the context for the story. It’ll only take a few chapters to get real interesting, so stick with me! Enjoy <3

~~~~~~

“So… how much of a wreck was the world while I was gone?”

I sit with my father on the steps of his — our? — lake house. It’s the first time since my being brought back that we’ve had a moment of peace alone. My eyes scan him over for the millionth time; the new wrinkles, the greying hair, scars from the latest battle, his demeanor in general. He’s not exactly the old Tony Stark the world knew, the old dad that I knew. Not so high strung, not as in need of a project to keep his mind off of the latest trauma. He’s surprisingly peaceful, and although not a bad thing, it’s unfamiliar. I guess it’s just another one of the many strange things i’m going to have to get used to.

He doesn’t take too long to answer my question, “Oh, it was torn to shreds for a while. No one knew what to do with themself after finding out Y/N Stark was gone. Jeez, I mean, you shoulda seen the looks on people’s faces—“

“Dad,” I say with a pitiful laugh, “for real. How long did things take to get back to normal?”

“If I can tell you one thing it's that nothing ever got ‘normal’ again. Hell, to be honest with you I’m not so sure when the world started to recover. I was too busy being a wreck of my own. Came out here to hide in the woods with Pep. And then we found out about Morgan… it was all a lot in not so much time.”

“She’s adorable,” I mumble with a smile over my warm mug, “Can’t believe you managed to pull off another kid that cute.”

“Ha, yeah well I had help. Pep did all the hard work. I just freaked out most of the time.”

“God I wish I could’ve seen it —“

“Yeah, yeah, make fun of your dad,” he sends a sly smile my way, and raises a brow, “You know it’s not easy work preparing for a baby in the middle of an apocalypse.”

“Oh I bet…” I say, although it’s mostly to myself. I try to picture it. My dad and practically adoptive mother, living through the largest extinction event known to man, my dad having witnessed his child go…. and then finding out he’s soon going to have another to care for.

My dad suddenly speaks up, “It went through my head, so I know you probably thought it too. I want you to know we never intended on replacing you. That was never the goal. It was hard… to say the least, after losing you. And then she just surprised us and everything changed so quickly, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty — “

“You shouldn’t have.”

“I know, I know, but I did. And I just — it would be horrible if you thought that was what happened. So I want to make sure you know.”

“Yeah, of course.”

We share a beat of silence, sipping our coffee and enjoying the morning sounds of the lake. A question begs at my mind.

“Can I ask you,” I hesitate for a moment, “how did everything happen? You know, when we disappeared? I’m sorry, it’s just… no one talks about it, and I can hardly remember anything.”

I see the look on his face and I know it wasn’t a great idea to ask. From what I’ve gathered, for me it was a 5 minute nap, but for anyone else it was 5 years without their loved ones. And most watched them go. I know how bad this must have been for him, the man who has constant nightmares about being responsible for his loved ones’ deaths. But my father and I have an honesty policy - ever since I was old enough to understand what had happened in Afghanistan. So he takes a breath and informs me anyway.

“All we could do was wait. He had our stone, ran off for the rest. That’s when Mantis started fading, then the big guy, then Quill. The Doctor.” Tony pauses for a second, remembering.

“Dad?” Y/N stares up at him from across the clearing. Tony and Peter both watch, praying she isn’t going too. Praying she’s just afraid, but safe.

She stumbles forward, wanting desperately to reach her father before her arms no longer exist to latch on to him — but Tony finds his prayer’s haven’t been answered when her legs quietly turn to ash, the remnants of a reaching hand breeze past him, and a final cry is silenced when her lips fade into nonexistence.

“No,” he mumbles, refusing to comprehend the fate of his daughter, “no, no—“

“Mr. Stark?”

“Then you and Parker were gone…” he says, voice catching, and I watch my thumbs rub against the warm mug of coffee in my hands while he gathers his thoughts, “That was the only thing I could see for a while.”

“Well… sounds like I didn't miss anything fun, that’s for sure.” And he laughs weakly at my attempt to lighten the mood.

“no, no you really didn’t. Just worldwide mourning and me getting even less sleep than usual. God, but I wish you could’ve been here when Morgan was born. Although I guess you did get to skip the diaper phase, so that’s a win on your part. Oh, and me inventing time travel, but it’s no big de-“

“Dad,”

“Oh come on, it was iconic! History made, right in this house.”

“Alright, alright, i’ll give you that. I guess I have to thank you for that one.”

“Yeah, speaking of things you have to thank me for, have you checked out your room yet? I could tell Pepper was a little concerned for me when I started decorating it with your stuff. Rhodes called it coping. He thinks I thought that if I had a space dedicated to you, it wouldn’t feel like you were gone, but to be honest I don't really think I had any cohesive thoughts at that time. So I put the extra room in the floor plan, and threw all of your things together.”

“Yeah dad, it’s great. Thanks.” I say, trying to give him a smile despite picturing him working away in that room after I was gone. I wait a beat before saying “it is kind of weird, though, having a five year old sister all of a sudden.”

“it’s weird having my seventeen year old back all of a sudden, but what can you do? I guess it’s alright, you’re both cute.”

I laugh into the mug, thinking I haven't been cute since I was 8.

“You know, if you didn’t have these golden genes Underoos probably wouldn't be so into you,” he says, and he’s smirking teasingly.

“Where did that come from?” My eyes widen while his turn to the sky, feigning innocence, “Seriously? Come on dad, he was at the compound all the time, of course we’re gonna be friends.”

“Friends? Oh that’s all it is? Okay then, I’ll make sure to weave you both some nice matching bracelets. You didn’t happen to notice the way he had an eye on you at all times back on our space adventure, did you? Literally, not once did I see him look awa-“

“So he had my back! We were looking out for each other,”

“If you call constant heart eyes having your back, fine, okay,”

“Alright,” I pick my coffee up, turn toward the door, “we’re done here.”

But a smile hides itself behind my hair while I push open the screen door, my father following my lead into this new home.

We can all agree it’s nice to be back.

~~~~

There’s chapter one for you! I have the next few chapters written but I’m gonna try to space them out a little for sake of giving me time to stay caught up. I hope you enjoyed chapter one! If you want to read my only other work, you can find it below.

Labyrinth - my lovely angsty one shot

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tippitv · 5 years

Text

TippiTV recap: SPN 15.01 “Back and to the Future”

First a quick note on the format of this recap: I'm dealing with some neck/back/shoulder pain so I'm not going to make a bunch of captioned screen shots and diagrams and other visual aids like I usually do. That stuff, while hugely fun to do, is time-consuming even under ideal conditions. I will instead attempt to provide you with mental images of graphics I would have made.

Now, let's get on with things.

Welcome to the 15th and final season of Supernatural, everyone! If the show were a person we could give it a Quinceañera.

[Graphic: The Impala in a beautiful taffeta gown and tiara and like... satin mudflaps instead of gloves.]

It's been 5140 days since the show premiered. That's 123,360 hours. Our solar system travels around the center of the galaxy at 490,000 miles per hour. This means we have moved through 6.04464e10 miles of space since this show premiered. I don't even know what that means. Once numbers start getting letters in them, I'm lost. But it's got to be nearly as many miles as are on the Impala's odometer.

[graphic of our solar system and the Chevy Impala zooming through space together, perhaps in friendly competition]

The road so far: Man, I do not remember a lot of this. Relevant to this episode is God throwing a hissy fit, killing Jack, and releasing all the souls and/or demons from Hell.

Currently: Jack's eyeless corpse is lying around as corpses are wont to do. The surviving members of Team Free Will are fighting a lot of freshly risen dead bodies that were possessed by the released souls. If it were me just out of Hell, I wouldn't waste time in a rotted corpse. I'd just fuck off as quickly as possible and possess someone who's eating a deep-dish cheese pizza.

The risen dead are polite enough to mostly attack the Winchesters one or two at a time, so they get to grab Jack's corpse and run into a mausoleum for shelter. Okay I understand why the souls can't get through the iron doors but what's stopping the disembodied ones from just going through a window? Or through a stone wall, for that matter?

Sam asks Castiel if he can bring Jack back but he sounds like he already knows the answer. A mid-level angel without all his original powers isn't gonna be able to undo what God's done unless the plot requires it.

[Graphic of Sam's incredibly sad face as he says or thinks "maybe the plot will require it later?"]

Everyone tries to figure out what they're going to do next. Dean snarkily wonders if they're going to starve to death. I mean, no, because the ambulatory corpses will break in before long. Failing that, they'd die of thirst unless Castiel has like a TARDIS bladder that holds Dasani, and then they could eat Jack. Mmm nephilim jerky....

Proving my point for me, a resident of the mausoleum or perhaps a neighbor tries to bust through some of the loose stones just as Sam starts chipping away at them in search of an escape route. Castiel smashes its head with a big rock, causing the ghost to flee? I guess? Whatever it is looks like a glowy skeleton and ghosts usually look like their living selves for the most part.

"What the hell are we gonna do now?" Sam asks.

Ol' Eyeless Jack pops up and says in a friendly tone of voice, "Hello!" Nobody's super shocked by this turn of events.

[Graphic of Jo and Ellen saying "nobody stays dead on this show except us"]

It's just Jack's bod with a demon in it, though. Was he the one that looked like a glowy skeleton? Whatever. He happens upon some budget sunglasses on the floor nearby. No seriously they're sunglasses to save the budget because it wouldn't be cheap or timely to have to CGI empty eyes for the whole episode.

He introduces himself. "My name is Belvegar." The fuck? That sounds like a horrible portmanteau for shipping Mr. Belvedere with Garfield the cat.

[Graphic of Buckleming: "We'd write that!"]

I suppose I should check IMDB to see how that's spelled...

BELPHEGOR???

Oh okay apparently Belph is a prince of hell and "Lord of the Gap," which is like half a step up from being Lord of Old Navy. I'm looking this up on regular Wikipedia not Supernatural Wiki so the show didn't just make him up. It says here he seduces people by suggesting inventions that will make them wealthy. One time I came up with an idea for pills that would turn people's urine into toilet cleaner. I was going to call it Vita-Wiz. And that's why I've never been able to seduce anyone with my inventions.

Anyway Castiel shoves Belph up against a wall, as is customary on this show, and demands he leave Jack's bod. But Belph says he has some mojo that will get rid of all the hellish souls and demons currently trying to get into the mausoleum. Much like how Vita-Wiz gets rid of hard water stains and leaves your toilet with a minty fresh scent!

[Graphic: a colorfully jaunty ad for Vita-Wiz with Sam's endorsement a la the "Changing Channels" Herpexia ad. "I've got powerfully clean urine."]

Belph knows all about the Winchesters but is slightly surprised this latest fuckery is God's fault. He makes himself out to be a low-level demon so either he's lying or the show's not going with the prince of hell backstory. Judging by his delivery and mannerisms he thinks he's auditioning to be in Goodfellas: The High School Years.

[Graphic: High School Musical promo poster but make it mobster]

He goes on to say that, like the Winchesters, he wants all the souls back in Hell where they belong and he can get back to torturing them. "I like my job!" Unrelatable. He can't fix the main shitsplosion that's going on but says he can get them all out of the cemetery safely.

Using some "graveyard dirt" from the floor and angel blood from Convenienstiel, he works a little spell that turns all the risen dead back into just... dead. Unoccupied corpses litter the ground by the dozens. Man, what a mess. You know who isn't gonna like their job in the morning? The groundskeeper.

Also, that sure is a useful spell. I wonder if it will ever come up again...

"Where are all the ghosts?" Dean wonders.

Cut to two teenage girls somewhere else acting like teenage girls Dabb has seen in Troom Troom videos. One of the girls sees herself as a ghost in the mirror and claws her face clean off. Man, that ghost's wig is terrible. Is she Bloody Mary? I don't remember her wig being this bad. I can't believe they couldn't afford a better one even with the Budget Sunglasses.

Back to Three Men and a Belphy. Riding home in the Impala, Sam checks the news. So far, no mention of any kind of worldwide Ghostpocalypse. It seems like you're mostly safe in this universe as long as you don't live in middle America. Belph suggests they may be able to contain the ghosts before things get too out of hand and he just happens to know the right magic.

"Imagine a salt circle a mile wide," he says. Castiel points out that Harlan, Kansas is less than a mile from the cemetery so Dean hatches a plan to get everyone out so as to not trap them inside with the ghosts and demons. Is it gonna be a lame plan that would never work in reality?

But first they stop for a wrecked car on the side of the road. There's blood on the inside of the windshield but no body. "This look familiar to you?" Dean asks Sam. It looks like a lot of wrecks where someone got wanged on the head and wandered off in a daze, but they figure it's the Woman in White. "If she's back then they're all back," Dean goes on. "Every last one that we ever killed."

Okay shout out to everyone who answered my post where I asked if ghosts used to be obliterated rather than going to Hell. The consensus seems to be that the Winchesters didn't really know one way or the other early on and were guessing.

Cut to a woman running through a house with her young daughter in her arms. The aftermath of a destroyed birthday party can be seen. How late in the day were they throwing this kid's party?? To make a long story short, the ghost of John Wayne Gacy is chasing them. I'll just reiterate my hatred of this character, not because Gacy is a serial killer obv, but because it lacks internal logic! Why is he dressed like a clown?? He wasn't executed in his old clown outfit!

Suddenly it's daytime. It's like Bugs all over again. Sam, in a jacket with an FBI decal on it approaches what must be the dumbassiest dumbass sheriff in three states. He convinces the sheriff to evacuate the whole town because of a benzene leak and the sheriff just... takes his word for it. Like, he's never heard of a benzene pipeline in his hometown but doop de doop this handsome giraffe in a cheap jacket said to evacuate so it must be true!

Also why isn't the sheriff down at the cemetery?? Someone would've called that in by now! You know what I don't really care.

Meanwhile, Dean is in the car and tells Castiel to take Belph to go get supplies for the spell. Cas says he can't do it, he can't even bear to look at him. And Dean! Rolls! His! Eyes! Like, Jack's the closest thing Cas will probably ever have to a child. He was with Kelly through her pregnancy. It's only been like eight hours since the kid died horrifically. Don't roll your dang eyes!

Cas leaves and Dean puts the Equalizer gun in the glove compartment along with a copy of The Complete Works of Anton Chekhov.

Belph notices that everyone walking down the street is good-looking. Yeah, that's casting agencies for ya. He says back in his ancient penis-worshiping days, people were uglier. Belph appears to be an equal-opportunity ogler. He turns to Dean. "I mean look at you. You're gorgeous!"

[Graphic: Belphegor replacing his penis-shaped rock altar with that Skittles poster of Jensen Ackles.]

"So who was he anyway?" Belph asks, referring to his meatsuit. "He was our kid, kinda," Dean says. The show manages to resist making a Gay Dads joke that I feel like it would've given into in an earlier season. So, yay progress I guess?

Sam and Castiel split up to check every house for ghosts. That seems super time-consuming. How many Reapers are left besides Billie? I feel like they should get one on the horn unless they're all dead. Anyway, Cas's house is where the Troom Troom girls were killed. The ghost's wig looks even worse in daylight. Do they get their wigs from the Hobby Lobby doll crafting aisle or something?

Sam's house, meanwhile, is where John Wayne Ghosty went on a sartorially illogical rampage. Somehow the mother and daughter are still alive. Dumbass ghosts can't see behind a shelving unit, I guess. The instant Sam gets them safely down, Ass-Clown immediately slices him across the belly. Castiel shows up to blast the ghost with rock salt.

Meanwhile, Belph is fanboying over Dean's torturing skills. Gasp! The show remembered Dean was in Hell. It'd be nice if they were consistent about it but whatever. Belph casually mentions that all the doors in Hell opened and Dean realizes this means the cage, too.

[Graphic: That dancing gif of the actor who played Adam that says "Still in Hell" but now it says "Maybe not in Hell."]

Castiel heals Sam's wound and the fabric of his jacket! The mother and daughter are still standing there seeing all this. Cas is like, "Whatevs, I'm an angel of the Lord & Taylor." The mom is pretty flabbergasted, and even more so when Sam mentions the wound he sustained after shooting God. Castiel can't heal that one, though, because it's probably gonna be a recurring plot point judging by the flash of Evil Sam we see.

The sheriff is making a final sweep through town when he happens upon the Woman in White. The sun looks to be setting, which means it's probably been 16 hours since all the souls and demons escaped, but they're still basically within a mile of the cemetery? Even I, burdened with an easily exhausted flesh body with shitty joints could have gotten farther than that.

Anyway, Belph needs a fresh human heart for his spell so it's pretty handy of the sheriff to die! That way none of the mains need to do the morally objectionable thing of murdering someone.

Dean senses a sudden drop in temperature. "Winnie the Pooh, right now!"

WHAT THE FUUUUCK??

Hold on. I'm watching this at 1.2x speed. Let me rewatch it at 1x.

Okay he says "we need to move, right now." My apologies to Mr. Pooh for thinking you could ever be a part of this.

[Graphic: Winnie the Pooh chipper as anything. "I CRAVE THE BLEAK ABIDING COMFORT OF DEATH AND HUNNY."]

At the same time, Sam and Castiel are walking the two survivors through town. The little girl pauses at a badly placed fish pond because she sees a woman in it. Is it Bloody Mary? What's she doing in a pond? Seriously though putting a pond right on the street corner is just asking for trouble even without spectral shenannigans. How many people have driven over the curb and right into that thing?

Okay I gotta stop getting hung up on landscaping issues. Even if they are HIGHLY IRRESPONSIBLE AND NONSENSICAL.

Dean is attacked by the Woman in White. Ass Clown goes after Sam and the others, and is soon joined by... a tall ghost and... Lizzie Borden? Sam accidentally shoots Cas full of rock salt when Lizzie vanishes, which is pretty funny although move ya pretty self out of the way, Cas. When she pops up behind him, she tries to choke him with the ax handle. It reminds me of that lesser known poem about Miss Borden.

Lizzie Borden had an ax Gave her mother 40 whacks Tried to choke the angel Cas 'Cause axing would've been too fast

In the ensuing fisticuffs, everyone has time to throw punches while Belph performs the spell. All he does is put the heart on a little pile of salt and chant some Latin. Is like the thing Ruby 1.0 did with that poor virgin girl's heart a million years ago?

Oh sweet Jeebus the sight of these ghosts chasing everyone on foot is... bad and funny. Y'all are ghosts! You can just blip in and out of wherever you want to go! One of the only upsides to being dead has got to be not having to do cardio anymore and here you are running the hundred yard dash like it's 6th grade PE class. They come screeching to a halt where the spell has created an invisible boundary. This might be worse than Hell.

[Graphic: Parisian street mimes trying to escape an invisible box]

But wait... Why wasn't Belphegor affected by this spell? Did he write in an exception clause? Or is it only for ghosts and not demons?

The Good Guys plus Belph bring the mom and daughter to the high school down the road where all the evacuees are sheltering. With no sheriff to coordinate things, isn't it all just gonna... fall to pieces now? How are they gonna convince everyone to stay away from their homes? What if someone needs their prescriptions? ("Oh no my Herpexia!") They can't get rid of the ghosts as long as Hell isn't in business anymore, right? This is a mess. Dean seems to know it.

Dang why are Castiel and Dean on such icy terms? Why do I not remember last season?

Now that they have a five second breather before the shit hits the fan, Dean wants to see Sam's godly bullet wound. It looks a little crusty but not too bad except... "There's no exit wound," Dean notes. He gives it a swipe with some alcohol which will surely kill whatever supernatural E. coli is in there.

"So when Chuck said this was the end I guess this is what he meant," Sam says. Yes being trapped in a high school with my neighbors seems like end times to me, too. Tonally, things seemed a lot more dire in All Hell Breaks Loose 2.

Dean's feeling a bit embittered about discovering they didn't have as much free will as they'd thought, that everything was part of Chuck's personal lab experiment. "What did it all mean?" he wonders. "It meant a lot," Sam says. "We still saved people."

But what even are people, man? I'm going to have an existential crisis and I can't drink as much as Dean because I have that "Asian flush" gene thing. One drink and I turn super red and hot and queasy and then I pass out.

Sam thinks God has fucked off to who knows where because he hasn't seen the promos for episode 2 yet. "He gets bored and starts another story." Ah yes like me and my WiPs. Relatable. Overall, Sam is feeling much more optimistic. "Once we win this, God is gone... and it's just us. We're free."

Dean catches his optimism cooties. "I like those odds," he says of fighting billions of evil souls. You know what that means? We got work to do. Quick intercut of Baby Winchesters with Middle-Aged Winchesters saying the same thing and closing the trunk of the Impala.

[Graphic: Impala with the solar system again. This time the Impala is pulling ahead. "ONE MORE TIME AROUND, SONS O' BITCHES"]

So there we are at the first episode of the final season. Reblog or reply with what you thought of the episode and thanks for reading!

One final note:

You can read more about my writing and general life situation and GoFundMe here: https://tippitv.tumblr.com/post/188224749207/supernatural-final-season-recaps-and-assorted

If you enjoyed the recap and are able, please visit my virtual tip jar: paypal.me/TippiBlevins or https://ko-fi.com/A4017DA

Henry Hound and I could use the financial help!

See you next week.

#spn recap #supernatural #spn #tippitv #my recaps

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artificialqueens · 4 years

Text

she loves me! (multi) — chapter one - roza

[ summary ] : new parfumerie employee sasha velour has been transferred from her old russian company into a budapest shop. beginning to be at odds with shea couleé despite working with each other: they are unaware that each is the other's secret pen pal met through lonely-hearts ads. ( au for the musical "she loves me" )

[ author's note ] : I began writing this months ago and deleted it but I revisited it, due to me being in the actual musical (we open tomorrow holy shit!) and wanting much more of a comfort au, also I want more sashea! this musical is set in the 1930's so ofc I'll change some of the stuff and clothing around for certain characters but this musical is beautiful and deserves to be told in its entirety and it's one of the few musicals set in my central/eastern europe so as a slav I'll exploit the shit out of that. so much love to citrus, grey and saiph for being amazing beta's !!! xx — lily.

AO3 / My Tumblr / (人*´∀｀)｡*ﾟ+

— *.✧

The Summer of 1932 was officially dwindling down to a close.

Well— it was what Divina had noted when her heels hit the ground of the sidewalk, looking out for any stray motorcycles and passing cars. Her red hair cascaded down the ends of her shoulders as some loose strands became tucked into her beige coat.

The first few bundles of leaves had fallen from the Hungarian Oak tree beneath Divina's feet. Though native to Great Britain, she had moved to Budapest as a teenager. Pursuing her studies and wanting to escape from the economic sanctions (which had now become a worldwide depression). Hungary was beautiful, it was quiet, it was full of interesting people and architecture and yet she stood in her coat, holding an entirely Hungarian newspaper between her fingertips walking to the door of her current job.

Almost time for autumn!

She was immediately met with an obnoxiously loud honk from an incoming bicycle, she laughed aloud and clasped her hands together immediately knowing it would be Aquaria Coady , the utter prideful future of the perfurmie.

Luckily enough to have inherited the last name (though she was born a Palandrani ) the name of the damn shop: Coady's, she was Mrs. Coady or Sharon's only true "child" for lack of a better term. She was truly just her legally and informally adopted child who she met on the street, looking for a job and a place to stay. It was a wonderful story, but Divina always felt that small twinge of jealousy knowing she could've just played up her own act more for an easier start to the job. It was a rocky economy and Aquaria was definitely lucky to have a job even if her dream was to be a formal clerk and not a delivery girl.

"Good morning."

"Good day!" Divina chirped, glancing aimlessly through the newspaper attempting to find even a speck of interesting news that didn't involve international affairs or the crippling economic debt. "How are you today? It's a beautiful morning." The platinum blonde said as the redhead could only grin out of the corner of her lips, it indeed was quite an unusually perfect morning weather wise.

A nice breeze but not too cold, the sun was bright enough for a picnic but definitely not enough of a heatwave to burn their skin as it did some of those early Summer afternoons.

"Very, now that you mention it. I see you've dressed all nice as usual." A laugh left her throat, lips pressing together, intrigued by how formal she had always appeared. "That's an awfully elegant outfit for a perfume shop."

Aquaria rolled her eyes and adjusted the hairs that hid behind her ear, "And why not? I represent my family, technically, I might as well look twice as good as you all do in your dress code." Divina cackled. She had to admit that all the color clashes weren’t exactly the most pleasing, she would've preferred company outfits but no— guess she had freedom of expression and had to use it.

Thank heavens the shop is beautiful and can distract these damn customers a good bunch.

"How many people have you run over today?"

The blonde shook her head and nervously gripped her own wrists, adjusting her jewelry, "Not one!" Yelling as she parked her bike before Divina shrugged, flipping a page in the newspaper.

"Well, it's early."

Aquaria tapped Divina on the back as their eyes met, the older Brit a bit confused by her antics before she began to whisper, "Here comes Ms. Zamolodchikova." The blonde walked calmly across the other side of the street before she joined the other two employees, wearing a cream colored dress with a mix of pink and beige floral patterns seeping through the design. There was a slight slit cut in the leg area: Katya always said, as a former dancer and a master of her own flexibility, she was beyond proud to show off her legs whenever she could.

"She spent the night with Ms. Honard again." Divina, unsurprised, could only sigh, not wanting to know exactly how she managed to find that one out. "You know, they always kiss at the newsstand and then she makes her way around another block so we think she's actually going home." Aquaria butted in, closing Divina's newspaper and holding her position of poise though her shoes tapped against the ground.

Swinging around her purse she grinned, looking completely entranced by the gorgeously clear skies. "Good morning!" The Russian called out to the lonesome girls who quickly looked up as if they hadn't just been gossiping about her confusingly puzzled love life.

"Good day!" They both replied instantaneously to the perfectly prim and proper looking woman.

Katya was quite the sweet girl when she wasn't busy being a mischievous "whore" as she liked to put it: she didn't even hide her affair with one of their fellow employees, it was all out in the open for everyone to hear though she always kept her good graces by being a passionate and dedicated employee, no one could deny her that. She was also great fun and the one Aquaria and Divina latched most to due to her down to earth ethic.

"Have you seen a lovelier morning?" Her lips curling into a smirk, beyond happy to see summer was beginning to disappear and change into winter. " Never! "

"Anyone mind if I take the day off?" Dreamingly sighing as she took her gloves off, stuffing them in her purse as she glanced over at Aquaria who patiently waited for their boss to arrive, "Aquaria!" The blonde suddenly jumped and stood in front of Katya, the Russian giggling.

"Why aren't you old enough to take me away from all this?"

"I am! I'm this close to being a clerk."

"Just end all the stress and marry me, then I can quit my job and suntan all day!" She started with her glowing blue eyes, desperately groaning.

"Well, I'm afraid you're not quite old enough are you?" Her stature still read teenager, the bicycle was definitely not helping her look any more mature or older.

"I'm catching up! Mrs. Edwards always said before she left that I'd get to be 35 before you ever did." Divina almost immediately punched her right in her shoulders, coughing and giving a maddening expression seeing Katya visibly holding back an offended expression.

"Ah, Mrs. Honard!" Divina lightened the conversation much to the delight of Katya who whipped her head around, looking for her business partner as if they hadn't just spent another lonesome night together filled with strained goodbyes, burnt cigarettes and millions of red lipstick marks across each other’s bare skin. The Russian turned and propped herself against the door, pretending to seem disinterested in her little love affair walking up to the establishment.

"Good morning on this radiant day." Alaska replied with a permanent grin drawn across her lipstick covered mouth, the bright red popping out against her light blonde hair that was pulled into a high ponytail— it hung comfortably as she adjusted her form fitting black and white suit: perfectly cleaned and tight. The blonde's gold and black came in place of her right hand as she urgently slammed it into the sidewalk.

"Good day." All three, including Katya chimed in with no surprise as the taller blonde walked over the giddy Russian girl who took her hand, "Good morning, my dear, you've never looked so beautiful." She gripped her fingertips and spun her once to see the dress in it's full glory. Katya could only place a hand on Alaska's shoulder, their other free hand interlocking.

"Thank you, how kind." She winked as Alaska mentioned what a marvelous dress she had managed to put on for today's work shift, though Aquaria quickly interjected: not very trusting of Alaska in general, especially with her complicated relationship concerning Katya.

"Same dress she had on just two days ago Ms. Honard."

Once again she was met with Divina hitting her in the shoulders, though she turned around and groaned. "What?" She whispered as Katya and Alaska leaned against the window pane, making idle conversation before the redhead clapped and waved, "Well, well if it isn't Ms. Couleé, early as always."

Shea was always the last one to arrive from the employees besides Mrs. Coady who had to come and open the shop anyway, no harm in spending an extra twenty minutes sleeping in knowing the routine schedule and opening. She ran her hands down her red suit, picking up her pace knowing that any moment would be when they'd have to begin the ever-changing shifts and work, the winter season would be upon them soon enough wouldn't it?"

She managed a bright smile for her friends at the perfume shop who had been waiting earlier than her she had suspected, "Good morning, isn't that a beautiful sky? Too nice of a day to be inside just counting change."

Katya clapped, in absolute agreement speaking up first, "Why don't we all just take a day off work?"

Divina snapped back rather quickly, "Leaving Mrs. Coady without a single clerk?" The Russian bit her lip and shrugged. All she wanted was to soak in that last bit of bright light and take the day to simply stroll around the town and across the bridge. Shea laughed, stuffing her hands in her pockets as she let the wind hit her face, her fingertips brushing through her straightened hair. It probably needed a cut, but she might as well wait until winter when the season would pick up business again.

The American laughed, "Another day, another time." She gently patted Katya's shoulder as she frowned, exhausted, Shea could only patiently await the time when Mrs. Coady would come and open the doors up, she had a new letter she urgently needed to share with Divina. She knew of her secret correspondence better than anyone else, and it was the best feeling for Shea to open the mail and know she had a letter from a Dear Friend.

A duo of two ladies walked across the street, glancing at the perfume and cold creams displayed in the glass, light from the sun still shining through as they walked down. The employees could only listen in on the conversation with impatience. One wearing an ensemble of purple, with thickly curled blonde hair and blue eyes as her gloves held a pearl clutch speaking to a taller and thinner brunette who's eyes shined across the street looking down at her blue velvet heels.

"Have you ever actually tried their cold creams?"

"I wonder if they're any good!"

"Good?" A voice spoke up, the employees quickly straightening themselves realizing it was Mrs.Coady. The blonde walked over the pair whom had been beyond amused to see the actual shop owner speaking to them about her own products. They spoke for a quick moment, her curls bouncing off her shoulders and black blazer as she looked at her workers and grinned, "Good day!" She fiddled with the key before opening the shop for duty.

Sharon passed everyone first to make it to her office unbothered, knowing her shop well enough to put it under Shea's watchful eye.

Shea and Alaska quickly ran off and grabbing the new shipments, unlocking the cabinets and putting their countertops together as Alaska begun setting up her work station that sat on the left, right near the door which was where Katya spent a great amount of her time: it was truly pure coincidence isn't it?

Aquaria grabbed some of the lavender scented perfume, carefully holding it as to not drop it— it was entirely made of glass perfectly colored in a sequence of pastel purple diamonds. She gently sprayed it around the shop and gave an extra spritz to Katya who always waved the perfume near herself and skipped into the fumes, to make sure it was on her wrists and neck.

The Russian raced to the door in her pink heels, opening the door with the bells and chimes perfectly echoing throughout the shop. Shea, Divina and Alaska all stood in front of their workplaces that now displayed a various array of products.

"Good afternoon Madam may I help you?"

Alaska spoke first, gently taking the hand of a brunette with long straight hair who was wearing a long red dress, her eyes brown: duly noted . The lady sitting on the chair immediately, beginning to go through her handwritten list of items she needed before the season began.

Divina and Shea took the two others, one each to their station as they began their work. Selling all the new items: the toilet water, the Mona Lisa creams, the Lily scented soap that they now had in the large size as well as a medium and small.

These were simply the sounds while selling.

The hours and minutes would be whisked away with more chimes, more sales and a hopeful increase in money: that meant they would all benefit at the end of the night. Budapest was slowly becoming more and more expensive with the influx of tourists growing.

It was about twenty minutes later the gaggle of ladies all stood up to walk out the door, bags bundled with card charges and early Christmas orders as well as physical gifts wrapped and ready with their paper bags sporting the signature cursive "C" stamp on the front in gold lettering. Katya opened the door as the chimes went off.

The three gathered at the front, bowing and extending their hands for the corporate goodbyes they had been taught from the moment they received the job.

"Thank you Madam, please call again, do call again: Madam!"

Katya shut the door before walking over to Alaska, leaning over her counter as the two began to ramble on, Shea turning disinterested and anxious to share what she had uncovered in the latest addition to her letters. "Divina!" She called over the British girl who put down her bag under one of the drawers, prancing over to Shea with a cackle.

"Yes?" Her arms outstretched around her shoulders.

"I got another letter today, from her. From Dear Friend!"

The letters had been going on for over four months now, it was everything Shea had lived for: they’d discussed meeting up soon indefinitely. She must've lived in Budapest if they had met from Shea's anonymous Lonely Hearts Club ad in the local newspaper. Whomever Dear Friend was, she hoped she didn't live up to Shea's exception because she was far too perfect, she sounded intelligent, a passionate young lady with all the talents and charm in the world.

"Oh really? Did she finally enclose a snapshot?"

Shea rolled her eyes and could only breathe out a gentle sigh of relief, opening the handwritten letter up for the two girls to read while the customers were gone.

"Listen to this!"

Clearing her throat she began reading the letter, imagining the person behind these impeccable replies and penmanship.

—

" Dear Friend,

Yesterday morning I ran through the rain to the office! I had the key in my hand, the key to Box 1433.

Trembling, I opened the door and reached inside.

And oh, dear friend, there you were! I took you out and held you in my land and looked at you for a moment.

Then I sat down, gently opened you and read you. "

—

Divina smiled hopeless, part of her was hoping that all this was true and indeed not some kind of setup, they had all heard the one in a million stories with the pen pal's meeting face to face and it not going entirely well: bodies ending up in the Danube.

"That is very well written, have you talked about finally meeting?"

Shea closed the letter and gently stuffed it in her suit's blazer pocket, exchanging a grin to the Brit who sat now on what was usually the customer's stool. "We have, she's working out the details and then we will absolutely meet! We have to, I'm getting impatient to say the least."

"I can tell, you're always vibrating and tapping your feet."

"Divina this is serious! What if she's everything I've ever wanted her to be?"

The redhead gave a confused gaze at her friend and fellow employee, "If she's as perfect as these letters are making her out to be than I think you are very lucky. If I wasn't married to Viv maybe I'd try my own luck." Shea had given at least a small chuckle at the mention of Divina's wife. "Well if anything ever happens, you know who to call to make your AD."

That signature Divina cackle left straight from her stomach as she clutched Shea's wrists and kicked her legs before clearing her throat and calming down rather quickly.

"I'll definitely let you know."

Shea turned towards her designated workstation and sighed, playing with the products. Aquaria had been sweeping the floors and underneath the stations, Shea moving it gently as to smooth along the process for the younger blonde. Daydreaming wasn't exactly recommend at her job but her entire head had been preoccupied with thoughts about her Dear Friend.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a door from the back open, Sharon quickly walking out and slamming it shut, holding an envelope between her fingertips. Blonde hair falling in her face though she quickly tucked it behind her ear.

"Shea!" She yelled, her dark brown eyes peered across her station as she quickly stepped down from the platform and walked towards her boss, a bit confused as work had barely even begun and already their boss had something to say.

"Yes Mrs. Coady?"

"Let's talk."

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sugacouture · 4 years

Text

Peaches and Cream

summary: You run a famous bakery that, in your opinion, receives too much attention for a simple pastry shop. Desperate to keep your identity a secret, you can’t bear to tell anyone that you’re the founder of Peaches and Cream. However, when a certain college boy encourages you to live dangerously, you fear that he might be able to connect the dots and change things for the worse.

{bakery!au, s2l!au,}

pairing: jeon jeongguk x female reader

genres: fluff, angst

word count: 1.2k

rating: pg

warning: This fic is unedited and is VERY rough around the edges. I wrote it when I was 14, I think. ;-; pls don’t send hate lolol

a/n: i decided to dig this one out of the grave after i had another macaron-obsessed phase. also the fact that running a bakery kinda seems fun, but idk. i have no experience in bakeries other then buying pastries from Sunmerry Cafe. anyways, enjoy with a croissant! -tokyii

“Crap, crap, crap,” you mutter under your breath as you dart to the kitchen. Hoseok gives you a surprised glance as you practically steamroll into the kitchen and hastily throw open the oven door. “Goddammit,” you curse again, “the tarts are ruined.”

Your brother peeks over your shoulder to notice the slightly over-browned tarts in the baking tray. “They’re not that bad, y/n. I bet you we can still sell those.”

You roll your eyes while taking the tray out of the oven, giving Hoseok a venom-filled glare. “I’m not about to lose my entire bakery’s reputation over a few over-cooked tarts, Hobi. You know how the press can be,” you sigh, placing the metal pan on the counter, “Better safe than sorry.”

Just last year, your bakery had been featured in ‘Best Bakeries in Seoul’ list on the prestigious Food Network Magazine that had been published worldwide. Ever since then, your humble little start-up shop has been swarmed with food critics and travel bloggers. Along with all the extra attention, you’ve never had more customers and sleep-deprived nights.

Hoseok found out that you were struggling with the extra workload and spontaneously flew from Gwangju to Seoul on a Sunday morning to help you out. You were so understaffed and overwhelmed that once you saw Hoseok at the glass doors of the shop, you put everything down and ran into his arms. You immediately asked him to run the cash register while you put some macarons in the oven and everything had been smooth sailing ever since.

“But still, don’t throw them away,” Hoseok says, frowning. “That would be a waste of food.”

“I know, but what do I do with them? Eat all of the twenty four tarts I just made?” you say dryly. “I’m practically asking for diabetes at this point.”

“Well, one idea is to give some to me, your ever-loving brother,” he states, snatching up a pastry and popping it in his mouth, “but another one is giving them out for free at the uni orientation this afternoon. It’s literally in two hours.”

You think for a bit, then nod. “That’s actually a decent idea, Hobi. But how are twenty four tarts supposed to feed an entire orientation class of one of the largest universities in Korea?”

“One, it’s now twenty three tarts since I just ate one,” Hoseok answers cheekily, earning a glare from you, “and two, the staff just put out tables and place random foodstuffs on them. Like a farmer’s market, you know? I could pull some strings to get you to become a caterer under a different name so you won’t be swarmed with the press. After the tarts are gone, you can just leave and bam! No more extra food.”

He leans forward in your ear to whisper, “This is the moment where you thank me for being an amazing, wonderful brother and say how you love me more than your dog.”

You pull back and roll your eyes at him. “Fine. Thank you for being a semi-decent brother but Mian is still a better organism than you are,” you sniff. “My dog will always be superior to you, no matter what.

Hoseok throws his hands up. “Considering that you’re never this nice, I’m satisfied with that compliment. I’ll make a few phone calls and you’ll be down at the campus in no time.”

“Thanks, Hobi.”

“You forgot ‘You’re the best, Hobi.’”

“Oh, shut up.”

Two hours later, you find yourself placing twenty two berry tarts ( since Hoseok ate another one) onto a cloth covered table that’s placed in the midst of SNU’s campus. You thought that only selling a couple tarts was kind of lame and mean, so you had whipped up a couple more batches to make the guilt disappear. After putting those down, you wipe your hands with a cloth and put it away. Wearing a black, inconspicuous apron and a matching hat, you place your hands on your hips and wait for the college freshmen to trickle in.

After a bit of waiting, what you assumed to be the auditorium’s doors open and the university’s entering freshmen walk onto open campus. While some are drawn towards stands where they can sign up for clubs or activities, others immediately beeline to the tables of food. Several students mingle with the vendors and strike up lively conversations, asking about their businesses and where their shop was located.

A couple students are enticed by your pretty berry tarts and walk over to grab a few for themselves. While you did appreciate their effort to have a friendly conversation with you, you’re too nervous about blowing your cover to answer a lot of questions. After all, you only have so much fake information to give out.

Soon enough, the wave of students begins to dwindle and you soon realize that the orientation is almost over. Glancing at the table beneath you, the corner of your mouth twitches into a smile as you realize that there’s no tarts left.

Burning the tarts was totally worth it, you think.

Although some vendors still have a good amount of food on their tables, you start to pack up the tent and table. However, before you could put away the platter that was holding your tarts, a student walks over to your stand and pouts.

“Am I too late?” he asks, disappointed.

You chuckle, tucking the platter under your armpit. “Unfortunately, you are. I’m all out,” you shrug. “Sorry.”

“Ah, ok,” the boy says, rubbing the back of his neck a little sheepishly. “But could you at least provide the information of your shop? Y’know, so I can cop some of those tarts.”

You hesitate and press your lips into a thin line. The student misinterprets your reaction, his eyes widening in panic.

“I, I don’t mean to be annoying or a bother, miss,” he defends, “I just wanted to try out your pastries. My friends got some and they said they were the best ones they ever ate and I just wanted to see if they were right. I’m really sorry if I’m being a pest.”

“No, no, it’s not that,” you assure him, “it’s just that, uh…”

You peer at the kid, checking him out. He seemed trustworthy enough, didn’t look like the gossiping type. His dark brown hair and matching eyes did a wonderful job of creating a child-like aura around him, portraying him as innocent and kind.

“Can you keep a secret, uh, Mr…?” you continue, still scrutinizing his blue denim jeans and oversized white t-shirt. They looked comfy. Stylish, but comfy.

“Jungkook,” the student answers, surprised. “Call me Jungkook.”

“Alright then, Jungkook,” you say, feeling the name roll on your tongue. “Can you keep a secret?”

“Sure,” he replies, still confused. “I won’t tell anyone, uh, whatever you’re about to tell me.”

You don’t blame him for being bewildered. After all, wouldn’t it be weird for a vendor to be asking if she can trust you?

Dismissing the thought, you hand him your bakery’s card. He takes it and looks at it blankly. “What? Peaches and cream bakery? What does that have to do with secrecy and promises?”

You shrug, smiling. “That’s for me to know and for you to find out. Search up my shop, Jungkook, and maybe you’ll find out.”

“Okay, thanks, I guess,” Jungkook mumbles, pocketing the card. “I’ll uh, see you around?”

You smile.

“Definitely.”

#jungguk fic #idk what this is #kinda j threw it out there oops #tokyii #pls no hate i swear i'll revise it soon lol #jungkook #jungkook x reader #bts x reader #bts fluff #bts #bts fanfic #jeon jungkook x reader

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letterboxd · 5 years

Photo

The Purrfect Storm.

Since that Cats trailer dropped, the internet has had its whiskers in a twist, with cries of “impawsible, no way, they can’t do that”.

But they are doing that, and we can’t fight it, so we turned to Little White Lies associate editor (and Letterboxd member) Hannah Woodhead to help us understand this catalogue of mewsical mayhem.

Every so often, a film comes along that unites audiences in wonder and delight. We laugh, we cry, we emerge from the cinema born anew, washed in the collective excitement that comes from watching a sea-change take place before our very eyes.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction: so came the trailer for Tom Hooper’s bombastic musical spectacular, Cats, slinking into cinemas this Christmas and your night terrors imminently. The internet reacted with a mixture of confusion, anger, fear and wonder. Out of chaos, comes order: sit back, relax, and let me answer all your questions.

What on earth…? Cats. Don’t pretend you don’t know what Cats is.

No, seriously. Okay, so Cats is a musical, composed by the overlord of British musical theater, Andrew Lloyd Webber in 1981. He’s also the man behind The Phantom of The Opera, Evita, Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat… the list goes on and on. And on.

So it’s a musical about cats? That’s literally it? Yes. Based on Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats, by T.S. Eliot.

T.S. Eliot who wrote The Wasteland? Yes. He also liked cats. A lot. Like, he wrote a whole book of poems about how much he liked cats, to entertain his nieces and nephews.

T. S. Eliot in his study with his cat, Zuaxo. © The Estate of T. S. Eliot.

That… okay. So, what is Cats? Well, we join our feline friends on the evening of the Jellicle Ball—

The what? Okay, so, ‘jellicle’ is just how T.S. Eliot would describe cats. It’s a corruption of the words ‘dear little’, and in this instance, refers to the tribe of mischievous kitties who gather under the cover of darkness for a special party.

So the musical is about the party? Erm, sort of. Actually, it’s really just a sort of song-and-dance routine where the cats try to decide which one of them will be selected to ascend to a new life on the Heaviside Layer.

Excuse me? The Jellicle Ball is called to order by the wise leader of the Jellicle Cats—Old Deuteronomy—who announces that one of them will be selected for this great honor of transcending our world and going on to a better realm. They each introduce themselves to the audience—and argue their case for being the cat that deserves to shuffle off this mortal coil—with a little song and dance.

So it’s a talent contest where all the contestants are dancing cats, and the prize is death? Yes, it’s all very Black Mirror.

And it’s going to be a film? Directed by Tom Hooper, the luminary auteur behind The King’s Speech, Les Misérables and The Danish Girl.

Why is this happening? Because the Earth is dying and we’re all losing our minds, so anything goes at the cinema. Also, because musicals make a lot of money—even the ones the critics don’t like. The Greatest Showman, Bohemian Rhapsody, Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again. People like films based on stories they recognize, and they like singing along. It actually makes perfect sense from a financial standpoint, if not an ethical one.

But… why do the cats look so weird? In a star-studded featurette that preceded the trailer, there was much fanfair about Tom Hooper’s “digital fur technology”, which is being implemented to transform the actors into catctors. In the stage show, the performers usually just wear outfits and face paint that makes them look a bit like cats, but apparently that just wasn’t going to cut it for Hooper. But it just looks a bit wrong, doesn’t it? The human noses, the human hands, the strange cat-person-to-furniture scale they’re working with… there’s a lot going on.

What about all the cats in the trailer? Well, there are approximately 500 cats in Cats, but we got a good look at some of the key players. The first cat we see is Victoria—she’s a ballerina kitten.

Then there’s Mr. Mistoffelees, the black and white cat in the top hat. He’s a magician. Did you ever see a cat so clever?

Dame Judi Dench is playing Old Deuteronomy in this version, and wearing a large fur coat, possibly made from the skins of cats she’s bested in battle.

Then there’s Jennifer Hudson, playing Grizabella. She has the best song in the whole show, ‘Memory’, which is also the one you’re most likely to remember from your school talent shows when the one theater kid who really went for it would belt that out on stage and everyone’s parents would cry.

We’ve also got James Corden as Bustopher Jones, a gentleman cat, and Taylor Swift as Bombalurina, the flirtatious lady cat.

Why does she have boobs? It’s best not to dwell on that.

Is that Jason Derulo? Yes. He plays Rum Tum Tugger, the cat whose whole personality revolves around him being a bit of a shagger.

What’s Idris Elba doing? Skulking around as Macavity the Mystery Cat, the villain of the story (also called ‘The Hidden Paw’). I won’t go into details. I don’t know why he’s wearing a hat—in general, this version has a lot more hats than the stage show. There are plenty more cats to come too: Skimbleshanks, the Railway Cat; Gus the Theater Cat, played by Sir Ian McKellen. A cat for every occasion.

Why do you know so much about Cats, Hannah? Listen, I was a very theatrical child. Cats was the first stage show I ever saw, and I was obsessed with the VHS we had of the original film, which was a recording of the musical. I really don’t jive with Tom Hooper as a filmmaker, so this has been a difficult time for me. My only love, sprung from my only hate.

But… why? Listen, when you’re eight years old, you just want to see something cool every now and then. Remember the bit in The Incredibles where Mr. Incredible is asking the kid on the street what he’s waiting for, and the kid says, “I don’t know! Something amazing, I guess!” That’s what being a kid is. For me, seeing Cats was that. My mind was blown. There’s more than a little nostalgia tied into my feelings regarding Cats, and let me be clear: I don’t think this film will be good, per se, but I’m sure I’ll be entertained. Sometimes that’s enough.

Crikey. What will they think of next? Well, if Cats makes a truckload of money, maybe they’ll finally make a film version of Starlight Express, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s rollerskating musical about trains.

Trains? Yes. Singing trains. It’s 2019, why the hell not.

‘Cats’ is coming to cinemas worldwide in December 2019. For feline-lovers who can’t wait, please take part in our latest Showdown and then enjoy these lists of cat-related movies prepared by your fellow Letterboxd members: Films in which cats are secretly the main characters; Cat films everyone is too afraid to admit are good; Movies where I spend the whole duration of the film worrying about the cat; Cats of Gothic/Horror Film; Japanese films with cat as main or supporting character; and Cats as a main plot point.

#cats #cats the musical #andrew lloyd webber #taylor swift #tom hooper #idris elba #judi dench #ian mckellan #letterboxd

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iwillgiveyoumyhappiness · 5 years

Text

Always Forever

Idol: Lee Minhyuk

Group: Monsta X

Song: I Love You Always Forever by Donna Lewis

Genera: Fluff

Request: Anonymous (Affectionately named: “Minhyuk Anon 🐶”, because dang, she loves this boy a lot.)

This is the third installment of the little Minhyuk mini-series that was requested by the incredibly lovely Minhyuk Anon. ^^ For those who haven’t read the first and second part, I recommend you do that first to get a good feel for the story as a whole. As always, enjoy!

It was a warm day. A warm day with a cool breeze, fluffy clouds and floral scents filling the air. It felt like spring had finally bloomed in Seoul, and Minhyuk couldn’t have been more grateful.

What a serendipitous time to have a day off.

He’d been wandering around in his beanie, jeans and light jacket, doing things as he saw them. It didn’t feel like a day that needed planning, just experiencing. He was craving the taste of being spontaneous.

He took a deep breath of air, glancing around the shopping mall that he’d found himself in. “Where to now?” he wondered aloud. A sign caught his eye, cursive words bathed in muted tones of lavender and gold.

Café de la Mémoire. He didn’t know at all what it meant and he certainly couldn’t pronounce it, but it looked pretty enough.

With a shrug, he made his way over. He peered in through the window first, a sudden sinking fear of it being a lingerie shop crossing his mind. Luckily, it was just a cafe. He pushed open the door, the small brass bell over the top of the door letting out a small trill.

It was a small cafe, customers scattered here and there having hushed conversations, like they were sharing childish, pure secrets with each other. There was a gentle playlist sounding out over the speakers, setting a calm tone, and the extensive dessert menu definitely didn’t go unnoticed by him.

There was an array of blurry photos hanging on the wall, but each of them were taken in such a way that the blurring felt somewhat purposeful. As if each picture was a memory, slowly being forgotten.

There were rows of books lining the wall, free for the taking. It gave the whole place a very warm, nostalgic vibe, almost like a home. Not to mention, it smelled pleasantly of peaches and vanilla.

“Welcome to Café de la—” A small gasp. “No way.”

The first thought that ran through his mind was that it was a fan, but the second thing that occurred to him called out stronger. He thought, “That voice sounds so utterly familiar.”

And it was. There was no possible way to forget it.

Slowly, he turned his head. It felt like a very cinematic moment in his life; everything moving in slow motion, the sunlight peeking in at just the right angles, a moment of silence for his thoughts to collect themselves.

He froze, his breath catching in his throat. For a short moment, he considered pinching himself. He was positive that he must be dreaming with his eyes open, because what he was seeing couldn’t be real, though he desperately hoped it was.

Memories came rushing back to him. Memories of the person who stayed up late at night to watch thunder storms with him. Memories of the person who always stuck her head out the window while they were in the car, even if it messed up her hair afterwards.

He was thinking about the person that whispered to him even when there was no one else there. Everything felt like a special secret between them, and he wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Standing before him—just as she had been three years ago—was a memory in the flesh. A painful, confusing, beautiful and incredible one. She was dressed in an apron, slacks and an orange button-down, and she was real. She wasn’t a dream.

It was her.

“Hyuk?” she spoke first, breaking him out of his spiraling thoughts. “That is you.” She sounded unsure for a moment. “...Right?”

It seemed like a half a second before he had trapped her in a tight embrace, his face buried in her hair. It was shorter than it had been before, but it was still familiar to him. “Yeah, it’s me,” he said, unknowingly breathing in her scent. “And it is you, right?”

She loosened her stiff posture. He could feel her smile, her hands reaching out to hug around his middle. “Believe me, I wouldn’t be letting you hug me if it wasn’t.”

He chuckled. “True.” He glanced around, noticing how they were being stared at. He pulled away, giving a quick bow and muttering a flustered ‘I’m sorry’. Still, that didn’t keep his attention away from what was important.

She was here.

“You look good,” he said softly, the grin on his face putting a strain on his cheeks and crinkling the corner of his eyes.

She rolled her eyes playfully. “Can you stop smiling like that? You’re creeping out the costumers.”

Honestly, he couldn’t. There was something fluttering in his stomach and chest and it made him feel like he was fourteen again, confessing to the most popular girl in school. Yet, he’d barely said two words to her.

He shook his head. “I don’t think I can.”

She looked down at her feet, a smile playing on her lips. “Well, at least sit down somewhere. You’re drawing unwanted attention, Mr. Worldwide Famous Vocalist.”

He pulled his beanie down a little further, as if that would disguise him at all. “Lead the way. You work here, after all.”

She flipped her hair sassily. “I own it, thanks,” she said.

His eyes widened. “No kidding.” They started walking side by side as she lead him to a table, like an unforgotten habit. “So, you’re your own boss now?”

She nodded, a proud look on her face. “Yup.” She gestured to a chair near the back. “Sit here, please.”

“Geez, why’d you give me the dark, creepy corner?” Still, he sat without hesitation.

She sat down in the chair across from him. “So we can catch up,” she said said simply. “We haven’t seen each other in a while, in case you didn’t notice.”

He felt a pang in his chest. “Believe me, I noticed.” Suddenly, this corner felt so much like the cardboard box he’d thrown all their memories into. He was just grateful that she wasn’t throwing him away and trying to forget him.

She was trying to get to know him again. How he had changed and grown. After all the pain he’d cause her, she was still curious about him, and that made his cheeks heat up in the most delightful way.

She cleared her throat. It wasn’t in an awkward way, it was just a way to start the conversation, like an inaudible ‘um’. “I watched your comeback,” she said. A chuckle passed her lips. “You actually had lines this time, which was nice.” She picked at a loose string on her apron. “I like your voice.”

He licked his lips nervously. “Thanks,” he mumbled. “You know, I honestly didn’t think you would listen to our music anymore, what with how we left things.”

She quirked a brow. “Did we leave things badly?”

He shrugged. “No, I guess not, but we did... Leave things.”

A brief silence.

She nodded understandingly. “Okay, I get that, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still like you.” She caught herself, her eyes widening to the sizes of saucers for a split second. “You know, as a person.”

He felt like he’d just been given the highest form of a compliment. He wondered if he could even successfully stay in his chair with how hard his blood was pumping through his veins. “Well... I still like you, too. As a person.”

She looked anywhere but his eyes. “Well, that’s... good.”

He couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “You’re so cute!”

“Shut up!” she huffed. She crossed her arms. “Let’s move on, got it?”

He nodded, feeling proud of himself. “Fine, we’ll move on. How have you been, then?”

Her eyes lit up in the most beautiful way. “Great, actually. I have a nice place, I have two dogs and a cat, I found a few good friends that actually genuinely care for me, I own this joint which is more like my child than my job and...” She gave him a heart-melting smile. “I’m happy. So yeah, I’m doing pretty well.”

He couldn’t help but smile along with her. “That sounds fantastic,” he breathed. A question popped into his head, battling with his common sense to decide whether or not it was something that was okay to ask. “So you don’t have a... boyfriend or anything?” He shrunk in his chair, almost a little scared of the answer.

“No, actually,” she answered. She could see his ears perk up. She clasped her hands together tightly. “I’ve been too busy thinking about this one guy.”

His heart was beating off the charts. “Oh, yeah? What’s he like?”

“An idiot,” she chuckled. “He’s an idiot and he thinks too much about himself sometimes, so I ditched him a few years ago.”

He pouted. “He doesn’t sound like such a good guy.”

“Maybe he’s not.” She shrugged. “But even though he’s an idiot, he’s very kind. He has sweet eyes and a healing smile. He’s really funny and he knows how to make me laugh, and he’s one of the handsomest guys I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

She met his gaze. “He’s loyal and hardworking and he has a really beautiful voice, and I’ve just been waiting and wondering if he’s grown up a little, because I really miss him.” She trailed off at the end, getting a little shy.

Minhyuk was at a loss for words. “Well, I don’t have a girlfriend either,” he stuttered ungracefully. “I’ve been to busy thinking about this one girl.”

She gripped her hands tighter. “Oh, yeah? Tell me about her.”

“Well... First of all, she’s really pretty, inside and out. I’m literally in awe of her half of the time. She’s very considerate of other people, and she always puts them before herself. She has a very giving and generous nature, and she puts the utmost effort into everything she does.”

He took a deep breath, continuing his unplanned confession. “She loves animals and kids and she’s really smart, but she’s also scared.”

She tilted her head. “What’s she scared of?”

“People,” he said. “Their judgment and what they might think of her. She’s scared that they’ll leave her, but really, she shouldn’t be, because who in their right mind would leave such an amazing person?” He could see the redness that was growing on her cheeks.

“So what’s been stopping you from getting this girl?” she asked him.

He looked at her, really taking her in. It was like he was seeing her for the first time again. Like he was falling in love for the first time again, because love never fully fades. “Well, I’ve been waiting to grow up a little, and for her to give me a chance to redeem myself.”

She let out a laugh. It was a laugh he had missed so much; one he had dreamed of on more than a few occasions.

“You know who I’m talking about, right?” he asked softly.

She feigned thinking about it very deeply. “Is it...” She looked at him, a content smile resting on her face. “Me?”

He tapped the table rhythmically. “Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner,” he joked.

She laughed again. “Hey, you know that guy I was talking about?”

“Yeah.”

She rested her chin on her palm. “Do you know who he is?”

“Me,” he said confidently.

She raised a brow. “Oh, yeah? What makes you so sure?”

He leaned across the table, their noses almost touching. “Gut-feeling,” he whispered.

She huffed. “Well... You always did have pretty good hunches,” she whispered back. It was as if their secrets were being returned to them, one by one. They were meaningless and didn’t even deserve the title of ‘secret’, but they were theirs and they treasured them greatly, for better or for worse.

His smile grew wider, if that was even possible. “So, do you think you’ll do it? Do you think you’ll give me a chance?”

She nibbled her bottom lip nervously. “I can try,” she said. “Meet me here every week, and we’ll see how things go.”

“Coming here every week is going to hard with my schedule.”

There was an impish glow in her eyes. “That’s what I’m offering—take it or leave it.”

He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “I’ll take it.” He would do everything he could to be able to see her smile every day again.

He would do everything to make sure he didn’t have to pretend to have moved on anymore. He would change for the better and grow up and become less selfish and he would fight tooth and nail to pass every test she handed out to him.

He just wanted for both of them to finally admit that they would love each other for a long, long time.

Maybe forever.

#kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #kpop angst #Monsta X #monsta x imagines #monsta x minhyuk #monsta x scenarios #Lee Minhyuk #for anon #request #requested #this is really cute #he's so precious #fluff #fluffy #Song Fic

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homespork-review · 5 years

Text

Homespork Act 2: The Racism of the Conductor’s Baton (Part 3)

BRIGHT: Also, the prompts in John’s head are back and are making increasingly strident demands. Namely, they want John to follow Nannasprite to the cookies. John isn’t too keen on this idea. He’s so not-keen on it that he fails to notice Rose whacking him in the head with a box. Frustrated by his lack of compliance, the voice devolves into insults. I’m not sure why the Wayward Vagabond is so insistent on this? It’s not like he can eat the cookies.

On the whole this is a really good sequence, I think. It lays out some basic background information for the reader and John, and it’s paced pretty well.

Back in the future, an agitated slip of the finger causes a cupboard door to open in the Wayward Vagabond’s hideout. Out fall a few tins of food and a heavy tome of HUMAN ETIQUETTE.

Rose has updated her GameFAQs walkthrough with the new information from Nannasprite. We’re getting something of a motif here: Cut-aways to the Wayward Vagabond are followed by a walkthrough update. It’s a nice little pattern.

Rose also speculates on the prototyping process and on why the prototypings of other players worldwide have not affected John’s foes, and comes to the conclusion that each client/server pair -- or daisy chain -- spawns its own copy of the Incipisphere, or ‘session’. She’s also caught up in rewriting her work. Couldn’t the reader go somewhere else? Or somewhen else?

Why yes, the reader can. Namely the reader can jump back to Rose’s birthday, where she’s having a conversation with GG.

This conversation reinforces that there’s something funny about GG. She asks about John’s present the moment Rose opens it, and Rose isn’t surprised by this. GG also knows without being told that Rose’s dead pet is a male cat, and she’s been working on her birthday present for John for years.

Finally, she asks what Rose would say if GG told her she knew a game that could bring said cat back to life.

TT: If someone told me that, I would regard the remark with a great deal of skepticism. TT: If that someone was you, on the other hand, then I would have to ask preemptively: TT: Is that someone you? GG: yes that someone is me!!!!!!!! GG: i just thought you might find it interesting TT: So what is this game?

Whatever strange abilities GG has, Rose is familiar with her knowing things she shouldn’t, and trusts her even when she makes claims that sound impossible.

CHEL: Note, also, that here GG is the one who brings up the game, while in an early convo with John set chronologically after this one she asked “lol! whats sburb?” This is not an inconsistency. Again, it comes up later. We end up saying that a lot. Sorry.

BRIGHT: Also: Rose knows John well enough to guess that he was wearing a disguise when he talked to her earlier -- but still interprets his gift of knitting needles and yarn as a subtle jab at her habit of making analytical comments, much as her mother. GG points out that he probably didn’t mean it that way. Later, Rose says she’ll make him a gift with strong sentimental value as a dig at him, but admits she doesn’t really mean it that way when GG points it out. Then again, this takes place some months before the comic starts, and may show how Rose and John’s relationship has evolved.

Back in Dave’s home, the sun is beating down. Meteors pepper the city, and smoke is rising. Dave captchalogues his katana, and sets out in search of his brother’s copy of the game.

Dave elaborates a little on the concept of irony that he and his brother live by. His brother is awesome, apparently. Dave can only hope to one day reach those heights of irony.

The puppet theme from earlier continues, with puppets strewn around the living room where Bro lives and sleeps. Among them are a Mr. T puppet, which is wearing a leather thong and handcuffed to a pantsless Chuck Norris puppet. What makes it a little disturbing is that this is just lying out in the living room, which Dave presumably goes into all the time. Dave’s narration here sounds a lot like he’s trying to convince himself that these things are totally cool, no, really. He can’t see Lil Cal anywhere, though...

CHEL: Other puppets are the iconic Smuppets, possibly a portmanteau of “smutty puppets”, vaguely humanoid nude puppets with enormous behinds and phallic noses. There are implications that they are intended for non-PG purposes. Further implications are that the leaving of obscene material around the home has been going on for all of Dave’s life. For the record, intentionally showing pornography or sexual aids to children is classed as a form of sexual abuse. Casually leaving them lying around the house in front of kids long-term, well, the motive may not be malicious but I doubt a jury would care. It certainly counts as neglect. The popular fanfic Brainbent explored the damage this kind of thing could inflict on a kid in a realistic setting.

Also note, there is no hint of Dave having or ever having had parents, not even a photo in the background or something. The immediate assumption would most likely be that they’re dead, but Bro’s strangeness might also suggest estrangement - behaviour like that would probably result in one’s parents not talking to one anymore, though they most likely wouldn’t leave a child in a place like that if they were around. We find out the truth later, and it’s even weirder.

BRIGHT: Between one panel and the next, Lil Cal appears atop a speaker box. Dave is fine with this. Totally fine.

CHEL: For the record, this is Lil Cal:

Not something one would be very happy about finding behind one, is he?

BRIGHT: He plays a bit on the Xbox, gives Cal a fistbump, and then checks out his brother’s computer. It’s password-protected, but Dave knows the password, and Bro knows he knows it, and Dave knows this, and it’s all totally cool.

One of Bro’s websites is a puppet pornography website. Apparently this is popular enough to bring in thousands of dollars a month, and Smuppets are a multi-billion-dollar-per-year enterprise. Time for our next point:

Magic-onomics - wherein characters’ funds issue from nowhere Half-baked attempts to justify a protagonist’s mystery money can also backfire. Explanations should amount to more than “Somehow Rain had lots of money.” Giving Rain an inheritance, or explaining that she recently gave up her job at a top law firm to pursue her art, will work only where these things feel like part of the world of the novel.

Bro and Dave live in a crappy apartment in which Bro doesn’t even have his own bedroom, instead sleeping on the futon in the living room where he works. Yet they have the funds to spend on swords (not cheap) and expensive turntables. The Con Air bunny prop Dave bought for John sold in real life for almost $1,300.

And how the heck do smuppets bring in multiple billions of dollars a year? That’s a niche market, even if Bro is the only supplier. (Which he wouldn’t be — if it’s worth that much, someone else would want in on the market.)

CHEL: Even if said market is fairly disturbing. If there’s enough people who like it enough to buy it, there’ll be people comfortable with supplying it.

BRIGHT: Their income shouldn’t be anywhere near that high, even with puppet pornography adding to the revenue stream. If we grant that in this universe it is that high, then they should be living somewhere more comfortable.

HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 13

CHEL: In order for this to actually work as stated, not only would the puppets have to appeal to everyone on the planet, but there would probably have to be a lot more people on the planet than there actually are. I’m pretty sure it’s an exaggeration for humour, but considering the inconsistencies with their income status as presented, it’s still a bit shaky.

It’s also worth another count, because this is basically a handwave to mean the characters presented aesthetically as poor are still as financially secure as is necessary for writing the scenes Hussie wants to:

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 6

If the comic was presented as a non-serious cartoon for the whole story, this would pass without comment, but when one’s trying to be dramatic and include real stakes, I think one needs to apply real stakes to everyday things too.

BRIGHT: Then again, it’s possible that their financial status is higher than the apartment would suggest, and Bro just chooses to spend his money on katanas and expensive equipment rather than upgrading. (And/or is lying to Dave about their income.) That might not be out of character given what we see of him later. But overall, this is a mess.

FAILURE ARTIST: Maybe the Smuppets is a money laundering business.

CHEL: A lot of people would read that fanfic.

The theory that the guardians knew the game was coming might explain why he chose to spend so much on swords, at least. He’d know Dave would need them. Not so much of an explanation for everything else though. Considering the weirdness that’s going on, I could imagine Bro not wanting attention drawn to it, but wouldn’t hiding weirdness be much harder in a flat than in a house set off some distance from neighbours?

For that matter, where’s John getting the money for movie memorabilia? Later reveals show the Egbert family originally came from money but they don’t seem to have that much to throw around now.

BRIGHT: Remember how Rose said earlier that she quite enjoyed Bro’s websites? I think that counts as a point for CALL CPA PLEASE…

FAILURE ARTIST: I question how pornographic the site really is. It might just literally be puppets being mashed together with no human body parts. A thirteen year old can surely see that.

BRIGHT: Fair point -- the page we see is teen-safe, at any rate.

CHEL: If it isn’t actually sexual, that possibly makes the supposed popularity level even sillier. Fetishists need constant fresh material and there are probably people who don’t have a specific puppet fetish who would ignore the puppets to look at the guy, but to keep up that level of popularity the viewers who don’t have a puppet fetish would have to keep finding it funny long after most people would think the joke had worn off. Both options say disturbing things about the world this comic is set in and their tastes in either pornography or humour. At least Veronica Chaos appears onscreen with her puppet… (Link contains no porn but you probably don’t want it on a work computer.)

For the record, I think Smuppets would actually make pretty bad sex toys. Plush is a porous material, so it would be hard to clean sticky substances out of it properly, and the phallic noses seem to be too floppy to use for penetration of a human orifice. Maybe that first point is why he brings in so much cash - the smuppets are single-use? People do use plush toys for masturbatory purposes, but usually when they can’t find anything else to use, specific fetishes for them being rare, and generally don’t use the soft parts as penetration toys.

Personally, I quite like the theory the kinkmeme brought up years ago; PlushRumps is actually an elaborate multimedia webcomic a la Homestuck itself. Now that I can see bringing in that much cash. Or possibly it just looks like this, which was made by the guy who wrote Thirty Hs (warning for eye injury and surreality): "Jumping!" (Watch on YouTube)

I could see Bro being that dude.

BRIGHT: And Dave admits, again, that he finds the puppet thing unsettling.

This is a pretty good depiction of someone trying to convince himself to be okay with something that freaks him out. He pesters John to distract himself from the puppets everywhere, and when he doesn’t get a response, he pesters Rose. And Hussie once again repeats the entire blinking pesterlog we read fifty pages ago instead of just linking back to it.

GET ON WITH IT!: 6

CHEL: Just occurred to me; why is Dave so bothered by the puppets? I can’t imagine that Bro suddenly started leaving them around when he hadn’t before - in fact, I believe a later flashback shows infant Dave using a Smuppet’s nose as a pacifier (eww, god I hope it was a freshly-made unused one). Dave really ought to be used to the things by now. Then again, now he’s reaching his teens, he’s probably old enough to start realising this is weird and creepy on a deeper level. But then that brings up the same problem we had with John; doesn’t he have any local friends he could have learned this from sooner? Though I could picture Bro not bothering to send him to school, and we do later learn there is quite possibly magic afoot in hiding the oddness of the Strider household. That’s a complicated theory and requires much more setup than we have here, though, so pin in that for later.

Also, the puppets thing counts for a point of ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?, and Dave is in fact the reason we created that count. A kid in Dave’s situation in real life would be messed up, but so would a kid in the situations of the others (or at least the girls), and Dave’s situation seems to be taken more seriously than theirs, at least later on.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 5

BRIGHT: Back to Rose, who’s beating John over the head with a box in a futile effort to get his attention. She eventually gives up and deploys another piece of equipment called a Punch Designix, using the Shale John collected. Since she doesn’t know what it does, she pesters John and asks him to experiment.

Unfortunately John has bigger problems to deal with: His garden is by this point overrun with imps, who are climbing on his tire swing and wearing his disguises. This is enough to snap him out of his Wayward Vagabond-induced state and get him to respond to Rose. They need to get those monsters off his pogo ride!

Fortunately, Rose is able to help by picking up the piano and dropping it on the imp. Less fortunately, the piano does not survive the experience. Neither does the imp.

The pogo ride seems fine, though.

John is reluctant to risk Nanna’s ghost cookies to go retrieve the grist, so Rose uses the pogo ride to transport it up to his room. Then she tells him to go find out what the Punch Designix does, while she works on building the house up to the gate. Apparently stairs cost a lot of grist to build. John makes a SBaHJ reference while Rose recoups the grist she used to build the catwalk earlier, sending an imp tumbling into the depths.

In the kitchen, Nannasprite has produced a lot of cookies. An imp tries to sneak one, and is blasted into grist by Nanna as a result.

John sets out on a hunt for imps and useful items, grabbing some shaving cream and his pogo ride, and launching his telescope out of the window. Amazingly, this proves relevant only a few pages later.

CHEL: Dad apparently keeps an entire cabinet filled with nothing but shaving cream. Rule of Funny, I know, but how fast does this guy’s beard grow?

BRIGHT: His living room is full of imps, who have taken a shine to the Cruxtruder and left cruxite dowels lying everywhere. Armed with hammer and shaving cream, John mounts his trusty steed and pogos his way to victory, which works amazingly well (read: works at all), until he slips on a cruxite dowel and lands flat on his back.

This is incredibly dangerous!

Acting on a polite prompt, John absconds into his Dad’s study, and Rose covers his retreat with the refrigerator, which levels up to FIVESTAR GENERAL ELECTRIC and earns 285 Boondollars.

Further extremely polite prompts ask John for a can opener. Despite the presence of two imps in the study with him, John stops to consider where to find one, while Rose takes out the imps with Dad’s safe. I don’t think that counts as HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING, though, since it’s clearly supposed to be the joke.

Back in the future, the Wayward Vagabond munches on a few pages from the etiquette book. Rose updates her GameFAQs walkthrough with a series of images of John’s house in the Medium. She does refer to Colonel Sassacre’s as racist in one of these, but it’s not really much of a rebuttal.

CHEL: She experiments with building a bit more on John’s house; ladders prove cheaper to build than stairs, albeit harder to use safely. John eventually stops contemplating can openers to examine the Punch Designix, while Rose answers Dave’s angry rant about being buried in Smuppets. I think this may be another point for ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY, because in the context of a kid ranting about his brother’s annoying hobby and his friend snarking back it’s hilarious, and it seems at this point to be presented as funny, but as discussed above the nature of Smuppets makes this rather creepy.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 6 TG: i am enrobed in chafing, wriggling god fucking damned puppet pelvis TG: an obscenely long, coarse kermit cock is being dragged across my anguished face TT: Let's put this into perspective. You put up with the puppet prostate because you love it.

Okay, this I think could be a point for CALL CPA PLEASE. A child probably would make fun of another child’s discomfort with non-consensually being surrounded by sex toys on the grounds of not knowing better, but it’s unsettling to read.

CALL CPA PLEASE: 2

John discovers there are codes on the backs of his captchalogue cards, which can be entered into the Punch Designix to make punch cards. Punching the captchalogue card itself renders the item irremovable from it, but the punch card can, he guesses, be used to recreate the item via the Totem Lathe and Alchemiter. Before he can test this, Rose hurls a bathtub through the wall to kill some nearby imps; to be fair, when he checks his PDA, he sees he missed a message from her warning him about it. He messages her back and she says the precarious staircase up to the gate is ready. John is nervous and asks why she didn’t build straight up through the hole in his dad’s bedroom ceiling.

EB: oh come on. what's the big deal, i'll just climb up and go right through! TT: Will you? EB: yeah, why not? TT: Are you saying you've never wondered what's in there? Or why it's been kept a secret from you? EB: well, i mean yeah... TT: Then trust me. You won't be going "right on through." EB: wait, are you saying there's something, like... EB: troubling in there? TT: I don't know. EB: what do you mean? what do you see in there? TT: I can't see in there. EB: oh. TT: But I don't have a very good feeling about it. EB: pfff... EB: whatever! EB: i think i can handle a few more stupid clown paintings.

Well, that’s ominous.

Examining the destroyed safe, John finds a book about shaving, several old newspaper clippings about meteor strikes, and a much older copy of Colonel Sassacre’s book, possibly the one involved in the mysterious accident which caused Nanna’s death. Behind where the safe was, he finds an empty captchalogue card and a proud fatherly note from Dad, praising him for now being strong enough to lift the safe; presumably intended for several years in the future at least, since the safe is big enough to fit John inside it. The note further explains that John is now entitled to the contents of the safe, and provides the now-useless combination for the lock. Further sylladex shenanigans launch Sassacre’s book, killing an imp, and John heads up the stairs, but slips. As he precariously clings on, the hands and jester’s motley of something much, much bigger than the imps start to emerge from the chasm...

Cut back to Dave, still searching for the beta and/or his brother, finding only that one of Bro’s swords is missing. A brief shadowy flash takes the second sword from the wall too.

You know this drill all too well. Trouble's a brewin'.

Dave heads for the door, finding one of Bro’s “ironic” comics pinned to it. The comic in question:

Erm.

TIER: Now that is, as the folks would say, unsettling.

FAILURE ARTIST: This is another work that Hussie created pre-Homestuck and decided to add. It was part of this drawing battle on a forum.

CHEL: It took me an embarrassingly long time to realise that was supposed to be Kermit. I was seeing it as a teddy bear, with the spiral cheeks as eyes and the eyes as ears.

TIER: . . . I was “literally just now” years old when I realized that was supposed to be Kermit.

BRIGHT: Ditto!

CHEL: Me too, actually, it was after I saw it while posting it here. Before I thought it was Fozzie, drawn even worse than the rest of the comic.

Dave is fairly mellow about the comic as compared to his reaction to the puppets, but thinks that he “[doesn’t] need to see this shit right now”. It looks like something a kid his age would either draw themselves or like (I know I would have loved it), but having things like this pasted randomly about your house would definitely be unsettling even so. He understands it as further irony, and thinks Bro is trying to annoy him with it as “some weird gauntlet he's throwing down to see if you will "GET IT"”.

Worse than the comics, however, is what’s in the kitchen. Weapons are piled up on every counter and the sink is full of fireworks. Dave considers this “awesome”, the implication again being that this has been normal for his whole life. He’s really lucky he’s a cartoon character, there’s no way a real kid would still be alive here. When he turns on the blender, a green puppet in it is shredded to pieces, releasing fake blood; inside the eye socket of a Jigsaw puppet on top of the microwave is a webcam, broadcasting the incident. Okay, again, we need to consider how “pornographic” PlushRumps actually is to determine whether this is a problem. Videos of a kid shredding a puppet are harmless in and of themselves. If it’s actually being marketed as fetish material… ew. Dave appears just as unsettled by this as I am, enough so to behead the cam-puppet, so the implications aren’t good.

More Smuppets spill out of the microwave, and then we go back into fucking sylladex shenanigans as Dave tries to collect every dangerous object in the room

GET ON WITH IT!: 7

Distracted by same, Dave fails to notice a silhouetted figure which is presumably his brother appearing briefly behind him, dropping Cal on the stovetop, and disappearing. Dave’s expression doesn’t change on seeing it but he literally leaps a foot in the air. Poor kid, that is freaky. We also discover why Dave had juice in his closet way back; Bro uses the fridge as storage space for swords instead of comestibles, and cherry bombs in the icemaker.

… Okay, where does Bro keep his own food? Both humorously and actually abusive/neglectful guardians still require energy intake, you know. There are later hints that Bro himself is someone’s puppet, but only in the figurative sense.

TIER: Dude probably has spots around the apartment to stash stuff, like how Dave has apple juice hidden away in his closet.

Figuring out how seriously we're supposed to be taking things can get tricky, especially with the Big Thing way later on in the comic putting earlier events in a new light upon rereading (well, mostly just stuff related to Dave).

CHEL: And if we are supposed to take it seriously, how the fuck is Dave alive? A real kid in this situation wouldn’t have lived long enough to be traumatised.

#homespork #homestuck #homestuck meta #homestuck reread #homestuck review #let's read homestuck #literary critique #sporking

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lefandomimagines · 5 years

Text

take care | boh rhap! brian may x reader

Pairing: Boh Rhap!Brian May x Reader

Word Count: 1835

Request: Could I please please please request a BoRhap x reader fic that’s super angsty and fluffy at the end? Maybe the reader is dating one of the boys and they’re mad at her for seeming distant so she tries to be there 24/7 but ends up passing out in the studio and then they feel bad? Basically just all of the angst and the all of the fluff.

Warning: mentions of fainting/hospitals

A/N: Thank you so much for all of your love & kind feedback for my last Boh Rhap Fic & first post back after a long while, it means a lot 💖 Please keep the requests coming!

The past month or so had been a pretty intense time for both queen and yours and Brian’s relationship. The band was under a great deal of pressure from both the label and their fans to release new music and fast. This meant that most of the time you spent with Brian was also spent with Freddie, John and Roger along with dozens of other employees of the studio where you worked. Not only had the huge workload increase put a strain on your relationship, but it had put quite the strain on your own health. Your boss, who was known for being quite overbearing, was pretty much constantly down your neck to get things done in inhuman amounts of time; it didn’t help that half of your colleagues were constantly slacking off and leaving the bulk of the work to you. That was all on top of your ridiculous flatmates being absolute nightmares with not cleaning up literally ever or not covering their side of the bills. You hated to be a burden on anybody though, so allowed it all to just bottle up and be shoved to the back of your mind in the hopes that it would all just go away eventually.

“Y/N...Y/N!” Brian’s voice suddenly broke you out of your daze, you took in a sharp intake of breath, leaping into action.

“Sorry.” You apologised, rubbing your eyes with your hands in an attempt to make yourself a little more alert “Let’s go again from the second verse.”

You let out a heavy sigh as you pressed the record switch, jumping a little as the loud instruments suddenly kicked in.

Brian’s brows furrowed slightly as he looked up at you in the booth, sat in a total daze.

As you sorted the final touches to the track they had been working on that day, Brian made his way into the small booth you spent many hours of your life holed up in.

“Hey, Y/N. We’re going out for drinks tonight to celebrate Miami signing on as our manager. You in?” Brian spoke hopefully as you rushed around the booth gathering your things together.

“I’d love to Bri, but tonight isn’t really the best time.” You replied sadly with a sigh; you wanted more than anything to join them all, but your boss had decided it would be a great idea to put you on a double shift so you were stuck working through the whole night with some student band wanting to be the next Queen.

“You said that last time...and about seven times before that. I feel like I barely see you anymore” Brian sighed in defeat.

“I know Bri, i’m sorry, I just can’t right now.”

With that closing statement, you scooped up all of your possessions into your backpack, standing up on your tip-toes to give Brian a quick kiss on the cheek as you walked past to exit the booth.

That night had been absolutely torture for you, after being in the studio with Queen from 9am-7pm you ended up with the student band from 9pm till 3am meaning you didn’t make it home until gone four in the morning. Brian’s statement about the distance between the two of you had been playing around in your head all night; of course you felt awful that you had to do it to him, but your job was your lifeline and you couldn’t put that at risk, sometimes he did tend to forget that you were just a regular person, not a worldwide famous rockstar absolutely rolling in cash. You had another studio session with the lads at 9am the following morning, so you tried to make an effort to wake up a little earlier to run down to the coffee shop by the recording studio. Of course you had to grab yourself a triple espresso or you’d never make it even to the afternoon running on three hours of sleep (which wasn’t exactly a rarity these days); but you made sure to grab Brian’s favourite coffee and a slice of his favourite cake which he would constantly rave about to no end.

You made it to the studio for ten to nine, setting down your things in the booth only moments before John arrived with an unsurprisingly hungover Roger, that man really did not understand the meaning of ‘just a couple of drinks’. Brian arrived not long after looking pretty glum, a slightly shocked look on his face as he noticed the coffee and cake sitting on the drum stand by his guitar.

“Just a little token of my love.” You smiled, a weight lifting off of your shoulders as a smile broke out on Brian’s lips as he pulled you into a tight hug.

“I mentioned this cake like once in front of you, how did you remember?” He chuckled

“Bri, you talk about it literally everyday. You actually never shut up about it.” You laughed in response, both John and Roger shouting in agreement with you.

Your conversation was cut short by Freddie bursting through the door at quarter past nine.

“Punctual as ever Mr Mercury.” You called out on your way into your booth, earning you a round of chuckles from Brian, John and Roger.

“Looking awake and chirpy as ever.” Freddie shot back with a knowing look. He had certainly noticed the amount of makeup you caked over your dark circles every day, how your hands shook more violently than an earthquake because you were practically living off of espressos and how you constantly zoned out of what was going on.

Taking a sharp intake of breath, you pressed down on the microphone button “Okay guys, Another One Bites The Dust from the beginning for me.”

By the time lunch came around it felt as if there were a literal ten story building on your shoulders and weights on your eyelids. You weren’t sure how much longer you could keep up the perky, happy go lucky act, bouncing around with Freddie as he sang and generally having a laugh with everyone.

“You seem a lot different today.” Brian commented with a smile, wrapping his arms around your body from behind you.

“Only the best for my favourite guy.” You spoke softly with a sad sort of smile that Brian was completely clueless to. “So, drinks tonight? First round is on me.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice!” Roger called out, far too enthusiastically as he rushed to gather his things with Freddie hot on his heels and John just chuckling half in disappointment half in amusement. Honestly, you would need a miracle to make it through the night with the state you were currently in.

Everyone eventually finished gathering their things and after a quick change of clothes (barr Freddie because he was always runway ready) you were all ready to head off.

“One sec guys, I just need to grab my apartment ke-” You turned to reach out for your key on the table beside you as the world suddenly began to spin, your boyfriend and three friends soon becoming colourful blurs. The last thing you heard was Brian calling out your name as you stumbled for a moment before everything went entirely black, Brian only just managing to catch you in his arms before you could hit the ground.

Quite a few hours had passed before you eventually came to, you could feel a light pressure on your right hand before you fully awoke. As your eyes eventually fluttered open, you noticed that the pressure you felt was Brian holding onto your hand as if you were about to fly off, a deep look of concern his face. His face was honestly whiter than the walls of the hospital room you found yourself in.

“Y/N, thank heavens.” Brian sighed in relief, squeezing your hand lightly, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb.

“How on Earth did I get here?” You questioned, your voice hoarse.

“We were in the studio about to go out when you just started stumbling everywhere and hit the ground. The doctor said it was from exhaustion, that you’re seriously dehydrated and malnourished. What’s been going on?” He spoke, concern lacing his tone.

You sighed heavily, playing with the blanket that lay over your body as you attempted to form an answer.

“Things have just been really tough lately. My boss is constantly down my neck to get things done in impossible timeframes, i’m stuck working with a team that but about 20% effort in so i’m having to run around after them too and my flatmate is being an absolute nightmare with her side of the bills so I’ve been working the night shift too every night for the last three weeks. I guess all thought of self care kind of drifted from my mind.” You replied, a look on your face similar to that of a young child getting a scolding from their mother.

As you looked up at Brain, your heart broke at the look of sadness and guilt on his face, tears pooling in his eyes.

“Y/N, i’m so sorry. It’s all my fault you’re here now, I pushed you too far, I was selfish and an idiot, not realising what you’re going through right now.” He spoke rushingly, running his free hand through his curly mop.

“Bri-no, please don’t feel guilty this isn’t in any way your fault. It’s only mine, I should’ve said something when things started to pile up on me, you shouldn’t have to be running around after me to make sure i’m okay twenty four seven.”

“But that’s what good boyfriends do, I’m meant to take care of you and help you when things aren’t going to plan.”

“And you do Bri, you do so many incredible things for me and I genuinely cannot think of anyone else I would rather be with in this entire world than you.”

A smile soon broke through the look of sadness on Brian’s face as you spoke.

“Just please promise me Y/N, remember to take care of yourself and come find me whenever anything starts to get too much. I don’t care whether its two in the morning or if I’m in the middle of a song on stage, if you’ve got a problem, please come find me.” He spoke softly, placing his other hand on top of your joined hands.

“And as for your ridiculous flatmate.” Brian began to speak as his hand fumbled around in his pocket, pulling out a shiny gold key, your brows furrowing in confusion as he placed it on your lap. “Come live with me, i’ve been meaning to ask you for ages but I could never work out the right time. But like they say, there’s no better time than the present. So?”

“I promise Bri.” You smiled

A huge smile flooded across your lips as you picked up the key “I would love nothing more.”

#brian may imagine #bohemian rhapsody imagine #boh rhap imagine #brian may x reader #roger taylor imagine #freddie mercury imagine #john deacon imagine #queen imagine #fandom imagine #lefandomimagines

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dogmapod · 5 years

Text

02 The Branch Davidians and David Koresh

Hey folks, welcome to the show Dogma: A Podcast About Cults I’m your host Denis Ricardo.

This show is about cults. The origins, practices and abuses of cults. So, if you are uncomfortable with descriptions of sexual, physical and mental violence and abuse, this is not the show for you.

I’m gonna try to keep it light and fun, but this stuff can get kind of dark… so you’ve been warned.

Our story begins in 1929 with a one Mr. Victor Houteff, president and prophet of The Shepherd’s Rob, an offshoot of the Seventh-Day Adventists, who could be the subject of their own episode.

Houteff did not see eye-to-eye with the church’s interpretation of Isaiah 54-66, which are a collection of oracles unknown to prophets after the Hebrews returned to Judea from Babylon.

Houteff believed that the church was not doing all it could, becoming relaxed in their teachings and becoming secular. He shared this with his Sunday school classes and was disfellowshipped by his local Seventh-day Adventist congregation just before publishing his book, The Shepherd’s Rod.

The Shepherd’s Rod is a 172-page manuscript that called for worldwide reform.

He listed twelve areas that he felt the church was not addressing, named “Partial List of Abominations.” It included information attempting to define the identity of the 144,000 of the book of Revelation and his interpretation of Isaiah 54-66.

Despite being disfellowshipped, he did not want to start a new movement. He told his followers

“in case some one’s name is take off the church books for carrying on the message, do not be discouraged in any way but to press onward as though nothing happened. Pay your honest tithe and offering to your church and feel like IT IS your Father’s house.”

In the transcript, you’re going to notice Houteff’s spelling is a little… off.

In 1932 he published the second volume of The Shepherd’s Rod, clocking in at 304 pages. Two more booklets filled with tracts published the following year would be volume three. It was reported that Houteff’s followers were being physically removed from their churches and that Houteff himself was attacked for trying to enter a church in LA.

His followers saw no other option but to organize the Universal Publish Association (UPA) in 1934 in LA. They were dedicated to publishing Rod’s message which they believed were God’s fulfillment of Micah 6:9 and 7:14

9 The Lord's voice crieth unto the city, and the man of wisdom shall see thy name: hear ye the rod, and who hath appointed it

Feed thy people with thy rod, the flock of thine heritage, which dwell solitarily in the wood, in the midst of Carmel: let them feed in Bashan and Gilead, as in the days of old.

“Bashan” is the northernmost region of the Transjordan and Gilead is the company that overcharges people for PrEP.

I’m joking. Gilead is an area between Jordan, Syria and Israel, or at least it is believed to be. It was part of a Hebrew conquest that was called the Golan Heights, and again, this is at least believed to be correct. But because of its significance to the Jewish religion, it’s lead to some contention between these countries.

Houteff’s teachings were officially labeled heresy in the Seveth-day Adventist church between 1934 and 1936 by hearings in Fullerton and Los Angeles. In March of 1934 the Shepherd’s Rod was officially organized. Both the Seventh-day Adventists and Shepherd’s Rod believed that they were living in the end times with evidence in the Bible as prophecy.

In 1935 leaders in the Shepherd’s Rod saw that they needed a headquarters for their growing number of followers. They purchased 189 acres just outside of Waco, Texas. This facility would later be known as the Mount Carmel Center, named after the quote in the Bible they base their beliefs in.

By 1942 the group had renamed themselves “Davidian Seventh-day Adventists.”

Houteff died unexpectedly in 1955, he was 69 years old (nice). Florence Houteff, Victor’s wife, intervened in a meeting to appoint herself vice-president of the church and remove E.T. Wilson, the standing VP who was appointed by Victor. She asserted that booting Wilson and picking her

“were in harmony with recommendations made by Brother Houteff prior to his death.”

This kicked off a flurry of fractures in the organization, with several congregants deciding to follow basically anyone who said God appointed them the new leader.

The organization broke in 6 splinter groups, and the Mount Carmel Center was taken by EE Ranches, a commercial horse breeding company. But the core part of the property with the main building was retained by one of the splinter groups, the Branch Davidians.

The Branch Davidians also believed themselves to be in the end times.

The Branch Davidians formed after a failed apocalypse prophecy by Florence Houteff was made in 1959. After being disappointed to not all just die at once, follower Benjamin Roden splintered from the group.

Roden died in 1978 and was succeeded by his wife Lois Roden. But even in this group, there was splintering, as some followers felt their son George Roden should be the new president. However, when Lois died George succeeded her, so it wasn’t that big of deal in the end.

But, things weren’t that great because there was yet more splintering and a man by the name Vernon Howell rose to power and had a few followers of his own.

Howell arrived at the Waco compound in 1981, when he quickly had an affair with Lois Roden, he in his late 20s and she in her late 60s. But I’m not here to yuck any yums, so get yours, I guess.

George Roden and Howell fought for power in the group, with more members favoring Howell.

Now, this is where it gets really weird.

In order to challenge his spiritual prowess, Roden exhumed a corpse for Howell to resurrect. This is illegal in Texas, and Howell filed charges against Roden. The files were dropped because Howell was told he needed evidence. So, this lead to a raid on the compound by Howell and seven of his followers equipped with five .223 caliber semiautomatic rifles, two .22 caliber rifles and two 12-gauge shotguns with 400 rounds of ammunition.

It is assumed that Howell wanted to take the place over, but he claims that they were gathering evidence on Roden. However, they didn’t have a camera with them, so it is not know how they would document evidence.

The case was dropped yet again, but the jury found Howell’s followers not guilty and no agreement on Howell. Howell invited the prosecutors out to ice cream after the trial.

In 1990 Howell is considered the de facto leader of the Shepard’s Rod.

He took the name David Koresh.

“David Koresh” comes from King David and Koresh from Cyrus the Great (Koresh is the Hebrew pronunciation of Cyrus). Cyrus the great was a Messiah who brought the Jews out of captivity from Babylon

I’m going to go over some the stranger religious practices of the Branch Davidians.

The Branch Davidians group had dietary restrictions, abstaining from sugar, processed flour and dairy.

Former follower David Bunds said,

“His reasoning was, well, dairy products are made from milk which is baby food. Milk is what you drink when you’re a baby and we’re adults now.”

This is actually a pretty common dietary restriction among Seventh-day Adventists and as a vegan I’m not totally against this philosophy. But, it’s still really not that good… and it gets worse.

Unsurprisingly, they were also very restrictive standards for women. Women could only wear long blouses and were forbidden to wear makeup or jewelry. They also couldn’t have sex with any man other than Koresh and their husbands were expected to remain celibate. Age was also not a factor and Koresh took “spiritual wives” as young as ten. This young ten-year-old woman later testified in court that Koresh molested her at a motel. In all, Koresh had 20 wives by 1993.

Former member Shelia Martin said,

“If we weren’t being obedient in the sense of like, [I] went to the store and bought something, you know, it was being selfish […] He always would let us know it wasn’t right and we should’ve done [it] differently, and many times it was in front of everyone.”

Children who misbehaved were regularly beat,

“…as a kid, being disciplined was like a 24/7 thing,”

Joann Vaega who was 6 when she was on the compound.

Koresh’s own children did not escape his abuse. When Koresh’s son Sky Okimoto was a child, his mother Dana Okimoto would beat him with a wooden paddle until he bled for even the most minor infractions such as spilling milk. In an interview with ABC News, she said that she was so deep under Koresh’s control that she couldn’t stop herself from beating her child.

“I felt like the most evil person in the world to be beating my baby this way. But this is what God wanted and needed from me.”

In an interview on Good Morning America in 2008, Sky Okimoto said of being the son of someone so infamous,

“Being the son of David Koresh, yes it was pretty hard […] I’m pretty much at peace with the fact that he existed. Sometimes I look up to him because of his charisma. Other times I think he was crazy.”

Dana Okimoto left the church with Sky and their other son Scooter shortly before shit hit the fan.

Aside from feeling the need to be huge creep and monster to prove his leadership, he also preached that they the Branch Davidians would someday be under attack by the US government and so the group began to stockpile arms and food.

A little bit of foreshadowing there…

Around on February 28, 1993, at 9:30am agents from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms arrive at the Waco compound after hearing reports of the group stockpiling arms. Gunfire erupts between the two groups and 4 ATF agents were killed, 16 wounded. An unknown number of Branch Davidians were also killed or wounded. The FBI comes in hours later, taking over for the investigation.

This will begin what became a 51-day standoff between the US government and the Branch Davidians.

(“Battle Hymn of the Republic” performed by Thomas Chalmers fades in. It is a scratchy recording from 1927)

I’m not going to go exhaustively through every single day, but there are quite a few sources online if you wanted to go in-depth.

On Monday, April 19, 1993, after 51 days of standing off and several people being shot at or leaving the compound the FBI had enough.

At 5:59am the Branch Davidians are given a message over the loudspeaker that they are under arrest.

By 6:02 two FBI combat vehicles began to pump tear gas into the compound and ferret rounds were shot at the building. Shortly thereafter the Davidians began shooting.

Former Attorney General Janet Reno is on the scene and meets with the FBI in the situation room.

By 7:30am the combat vehicles break through the front side of the building and pump more gas into the first and second floor of the compound.

At 9:20am the FBI calls for more gas to be pumped and more ferret rounds arrive at this time.

By 9:30 one of the combat vehicles is failing, the supply of ferret rounds is dwindling and a strong wind is blowing away the tear gas. Two other combat vehicles approach the building, one to widen the hole already made “from which the Davidians could escape,” and the other makes a new hole at the rear end of the building near its gymnasium. Attorney General Reno contacts President Clinton and reports that everything seems to be going well and that she will be leaving for a conference in Baltimore in 30 minutes.

Things don’t go very well.

At 12:07 the Davidians started 3 fires simultaneously in different parts of the compound.

At 12:12 Koresh is asked to lead the Davidians out of the compound. Nine of them flee and are arrested.

At 12:25pm the FBI reported hearing “systematic gunfire” coming from the compound, making many of the agents suspecting that the Davidians are committing suicide or are attacking one another.

At 12:41 fire-fighting efforts begin and HRT members enter the building looking for survivors.

More than 70 Davidians died in the compound, including at least 17 children. It was determined that Koresh was killed by a close-range gunshot.

So ends the life of the would-be messiah David Koresh.

However, that is not the end of the Branch Davidians.

Now here comes the fun part, where I beg you for money. I come to you hat in hand, asking you to go to patreon.com/dogmapod and throw a few bucks my way to help support the podcast. I can’t offer much for tier rewards, but no matter what level you donate at, I will get the episodes out to you early and you can have access to the joke/pop culture cult podcasts and non-cult related articles and podcasts that don’t quite fit with the format. At higher donations, I will take suggestions for cults and do an episode on those. Thank you so much if you decide to be ever so gracious. OK, now back to the show.

A single surviving offshoot from the original Roden-lead Branch Davidians is lead by a man Charles Pace. He is the leader of The Branch (comma) The Lord Our Righteousness. Yes, there is a comma in that.

It is a legally recognized denomination with 12 members. He has condemned Koresh’s teachings and said that the Lord has appointed him to be a leader but not a prophet. The Branch, The Lord Our Righteousness is also a doomsday cult.

The current-day Adventists also condemned the Branch Davidians, and it seems as though they all condemn any of Houteff’s splinter groups.

Thanks again so much for listening. That was our episode about the Branch Davidians and David Koresh. I’m going to put all of my sources in the description. Some of them are from Wikipedia, but I checked to make sure those sources were legit, so lay off me.

Be sure to check out the Instagram to see photos relevant to today’s investigation and the Patreon to throw a few dollars my way. Thank you very much!

Next time we’re going to be investigating a group that you may not have heard of. It was quite popular and it raised in popularity quite a few times, at least six or seven times at this point since 2004. So I can’t wait for you to hear that.

Until then, take care and goodbye.

Citations:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victor_Houteff

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shepherd%27s_Rod

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Branch_Davidians

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Koresh

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/waco/timeline.html

https://abc13.com/the-siege-timeline-of-the-branch-davidian-compounds-fiery-end/1892261/

https://www.atf.gov/our-history/remembering-waco

https://www.nytimes.com/1993/05/04/us/growing-up-under-koresh-cult-children-tell-of-abuses.html

https://www.ranker.com/list/kids-of-famous-cult-leaders-where-are-they-now/jacob-shelton?page=2

Song Credits:

“Frozen Jungle” by Monplaisir under the name Komiku (http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Komiku/)

“Amazing Grace” performed by Original Sacred Harp (https://www.loc.gov/item/ihas.200049050/)

“At the Cross” performed by Fiddlin’ John Carson (https://www.loc.gov/item/ihas.200149072/)

“Battle Hymn of the Republic” performed by Thomas Chalmers (https://www.loc.gov/item/ihas.100010455/)

Consider joining the Patreon!

#Branch Davidians #Waco #David Koresh #Koresh #cults #cult #fbi #religion #spirituality #podcast #seventh day adventists

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