All the Quiet Nights You Bear: Chapter 24
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: General
Ship: Thirteenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan, Yasmin Khan/Rose Tyler, Thirteenth Doctor/Rose Tyler/Yasmin Khan, Past Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Characters: Thirteenth Doctor, Yasmin Khan, Rose Tyler, Najia Khan, Hakim Khan, Sonya Khan, Dan Lewis, Jack Harkness, Ryan Sinclair
Series: And We’re Not Out of the Tunnel
Word Count (Chapter): 1,741
Other Tags: Fluff and Angst, Angst, Emotional, Disabled Character, Chronic Illness, Bad Wolf Rose, COVID-19, Self-Quarantine, Domestic, Autistic Characters, Polyamory, OT3, Slow Burn, Disability
Read on AO3 / Read in order
Summary: Rose Tyler-Noble jumps out of her parallel universe, leaving her husband and family behind in the hopes that being back in the right universe will improve her well-being.
Yasmin Khan is out for lunch with the Doctor when she sees a blonde woman sitting on the sidewalk, crying.
The Doctor, Yaz, and Rose travel back to Sheffield to see Yaz’s family, but they have to leave the TARDIS so it can reset, and when they come back, it’s gone. The police have confiscated it, and they want to see proof of ownership before they give it back. And the Doctor left her psychic paper on board. And they’ve landed in March of 2020, just before everything shuts down.
Stranded in Sheffield, they have no choice but to get a flat and quarantine together. Which, when you have three emotionally volatile people who care for each other more than they’re willing to admit, can be complicated.
(Sequel to And Still I Will Live Here, but hopefully readable out of context. Updating on Saturdays and Wednesdays.)
NOTES: posting early because the friends in my computer are all collectively lying to me about their birthdays being soon so i post early. so. congratulations everyone. it worked. happy birthday to esther and rowan and katniss and rowan's partner and rowan's metamour.
The Doctor’s room is a mess. Impressively so, for a room she’s only occupied for the last five days. Rose finds herself hoping that at least some of it is from the room’s previous occupant, but it’s not looking likely. For one thing, the boxes piled next to the door unquestionably belong to packages the Doctor has ordered. For another, the clothes all over the floor primarily consist of identical blue sweats, some of which still have the tags on. There’s rubbish all over, including a good few empty packets of custard creams. And on the bed, along with a half-eaten pack of custard creams, a number of household tools, and a laptop and a Switch, is the Doctor, sprawled out in her sweats, unmoving.
Rose steps forward carefully, ignoring the ache in her knees as she tries to navigate what feels like an obstacle course, still holding the Doctor’s chicken nuggets and tea. She sits gingerly on the edge of the bed.
The Doctor doesn’t react.
“You all right?” Rose asks.
“Do I look all right?” retorts the Doctor’s muffled voice. And then, after a pause— “Don’t answer that. It’s rhetorical.”
“We’re worried about you,” Rose says. “Me and Yaz.”
Yaz is still hovering in the doorway. Rose gestures for her to come closer, and she does. “We brought you food,” she offers.
“Don’t need food,” the Doctor says.
Yaz doesn’t skip a beat. “Don’t be ridiculous.” Rose is surprised by the sternness in her tone. “You need food, Doctor. I know how cranky you get when you don’t eat. You might be a space alien, but you still need to take care of yourself.”
The Doctor shifts, slowly lifting her head. Her face is stained with tears. “Fine, then.” She pushes herself into a sitting position, taking the plate and mug from Rose. She sits cross-legged, facing the wall, still not looking at Rose or Yaz.
Yaz sits at the very end of the bed, unable or unwilling or afraid to get any closer. Rose has no such qualms: Yaz has been doing a complicated dance of not knowing where she stands with the Doctor, but Rose knew exactly where she stood, back in the day, and even though things are different now, she still has the confidence to move onto the bed and sit by the Doctor, facing the opposite direction. It gives the Doctor the option of whether or not to look her in the eye: the Doctor, of course, does not take the opportunity. She just shoves an entire chicken nugget in her mouth, chewing with intense lethargy and staring down at her plate.
Rose follows the Doctor’s lead in not making eye contact. Instead, she looks at the plain white wall, her eyes finding every imperfection as she tries to think what to say.
The Doctor beats her to it.
“I’m sorry,” she says.
Rose and Yaz hold their silence, not willing to scare the Doctor off just when she’s actually started to talk. When she speaks again, her every word is slow, labored.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. Either of you. I just—“ She cuts off. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Try,” Yaz says. Her voice is soft, gentle. Encouraging.
The Doctor nods. “I— it’s very difficult for me, being with humans. Being attached.” She gives Rose half a glance. “Like I told you. Remember?”
Imagine that happening to someone you—
“Yeah.”
The Doctor sighs. “It’s gotten harder.”
“It’s been a long time,” Rose murmurs. “You’re older.”
“I’ve lost more people.” The Doctor shoves another chicken nugget into her mouth. If Rose weren’t so worried about her, it would be quite impressive, the amount of chicken nugget she can fit in her mouth. “Done more things. Learned more about myself.” Her eyes are fixed directly on the closed curtain in front of her. “Some things I wish I hadn’t.”
“Like what happened on Gallifrey?” Yaz asks, so, so gently.
The Doctor lets out a rough breath. “Gallifrey.” It comes out a growl.
“Don’t tell us if you’re not ready,” Yaz says. “You’re in no condition for it right now. No matter how much I want to know.”
“Suppose you’re right.” The Doctor takes a swig of her tea. She barely flinches, even though Rose can still see boiling hot steam curling up from its surface. “I want to tell you,” she says once she’s swallowed. “I need to. I just don’t know how.”
“We’ll figure it out,” Yaz says, moving a little closer to the Doctor on the bed. “Together, right?”
“I don’t think you want to be with me.” The Doctor’s voice breaks, every word coming out slowly. “You won’t. Not when I tell you everything.”
Something snaps in Rose. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she says, her words sharp. “Doctor, I tore apart time and space for you. I did something that changed me, irreparably, for the rest of my life.” Her voice is getting louder. She makes no effort to stop it. “I did that because I loved you. I loved you then, and I loved John, who came from you, and I’ll love the you you are now too, if you give me half a chance.” She’s crying now, to her dismay, hot tears rolling down her face. “You’re absolutely stupid if you think anything you have to say could change that.”
The Doctor narrows her eyes, still not looking at Rose. “You don’t know what I’ve discovered.”
“Then tell us,” Yaz interrupts, forceful. “Let us decide what we think of you. And until then, don’t assume we’ll hate you.”
“What happened to ‘don’t tell us if you’re not ready’?” the Doctor mutters.
Rose rests a hand on the Doctor’s forearm. “We can take it slow, okay? You don’t have to say everything at once.”
The Doctor nods. She takes a deep breath, and it turns into a sob, the tears glistening on her cheeks. Without thinking, Rose leans towards her and gathers her into a hug, and it’s a testament to how tired the Doctor must be that she doesn’t protest. She just sinks into it, her face hidden in Rose’s neck. A moment later, Yaz is there too, moving to sit next to the Doctor on her other side, resting a hand on her back. She makes eye contact with Rose over the back of the Doctor’s head, and Rose gives her a small smile. Yaz returns it with wide, scared eyes.
It’s a long time before anything changes. The Doctor keeps her face buried in Rose’s neck and shoulder, her body shaking, her tears wet against Rose’s mostly-bare skin. Yaz stays close, leaning into the Doctor, her hand rubbing slow circles on the Doctor’s back, and Rose closes her eyes, breathing in the strange sensation of holding the Doctor, this strange new Doctor, while she cries.
And then the sobs turn into sniffles, and the Doctor lifts her head, just a little. “Sorry,” she says.
“What are you sorry for?” Rose asks.
“This,” the Doctor says into Rose’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean to cry on you. I don’t— I’m not usually like this.”
“Everyone needs to cry sometimes,” Rose says. “Better with company, yeah?”
There’s a long pause. Finally, the Doctor says, “I do— want you around. Both of you.”
“Funny way of showing it,” Rose teases. “Isolating yourself, not telling us anything.”
“It’s hard!” the Doctor protests. “Especially when I don’t get why you would want me around.”
“Oi, you’re brilliant,” Yaz says. “Not just because of the time travel, promise. You’re kind, and you’re funny, and you always help people when you can, and you always explain things when people don’t understand, and you keep going, even when it’s hard. Why wouldn’t we want you around?”
The Doctor lifts her head all the way at that, pushing herself back so she can look at both Rose and Yaz.
“What if that’s all a lie?” she asks, tremulous. “What if that’s not who I really am?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” Yaz challenges. “If you would just explain, maybe we could help.”
“It’s too much for words,” the Doctor says. “I’m sorry. I really, really want to explain, even though I’m scared. We’ve got to do things when we’re scared, haven’t we? I’ve been running from this one for too long. Cowardly of me, really, especially given how much I talk about overcoming fear.” She takes a deep breath. “I haven’t overcome it. And I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Rose says again. “The important thing is working on it, right? Doing better?”
“Suppose so.” The Doctor presses her mouth into a line. “All right, then. Doing better. Got to do better.” And then the line breaks, her eyes wide with fear. “What if I can’t?”
“Try,” Yaz says. “We’ve all just got to try. You know that.”
“I’m worried it won’t be enough,” the Doctor says quickly, almost to herself. “And if it’s not enough, you’ll never want to talk to me again, and I’ll miss you both so much again, and it’s risky, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, life’s risky.” Rose gives the Doctor’s arm a gentle squeeze. “You know that.”
The Doctor nods. She sniffles. “Suppose I’m just tired of taking the risk.” All her normal energy is gone from her body, leaving her empty and clearly exhausted. “I’ve lived too long, maybe.”
There’s a long silence. Rose keeps her hand steady on the Doctor’s arm, and Yaz mirrors the gesture on the Doctor’s other side. Finally, Yaz says, “Doctor, would it be easier for you to show us?”
The Doctor frowns. “Show you?”
“You know,” Yaz says, tapping her temple with her free hand. “With your telepathy.”
“Oh.” The Doctor’s eyebrows draw together. “Maybe. Suppose I could try it. Establish a telepathic link. Show you what happened. Easy enough. With your permission, of course.”
“You have mine,” Yaz says, without a moment’s hesitation.
“And mine,” Rose adds.
“Right.” The Doctor puts her plate and mug on the nightstand and sits straight up, holding her hands up, parallel to each other. “I’ll need you both in front of me. Close together as possible, probably. All three of us.”
Rose readjusts her position so that she’s sitting cross-legged, facing the Doctor, their knees touching. Yaz does the same, her body close enough that Rose can feel the heat coming off it.
“Ready?” the Doctor asks.
Rose closes her eyes and nods.
The Doctor’s hand brushes against her temple, warm, gentle.
“Contact.”
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Smh cant believe Julie hasnt been said yet but my amazing girl Julie for the character thing
Honestly I almost got stuck thinking about Julie’s good qualities and now I’m like??? How??? ?
give me a character and i'll answer
do I like them: do I like Julie Molina are you -
5 good qualities:
talented queen
incredible outfits
heart of gold
just like... is trying so hard after everything she’s been through and that’s so admirable
when she realises she’s got ~feelings~ for Luke, she just owns it. Is he a ghost boy? yes. Will that stop her from being in love with him? hell no. She loves him for everything he is, regardless of what he’s not and I just- Can’t touch the boy made of air? That’s fine. They have other ways to be affectionate with each other
okay this is my sixth point but like she literally goes to Luke’s house and speaks to his parents for him and I just - you guys that is so special. That is so kind and caring and she is so supportive of him. They way she beckons him inside, like ‘come on, let’s do this together’ and he’s so scared but she’s just there for him and I love that about her
OH AND when the boys are like ‘join our band!’ and she’s like ‘can you stfu a second, I'm too busy thinking about my best friend go away.’ like, yes girl. You have your priorities right.
3 bad qualities:
um
no?
bad liar???
favourite episode/etc: this is such a hard question oh no wait flying solo her and Flynn my dude that is sUCH a good moment
otp: okay seriously, I think we are all starting to get the fact that I am a low-key high-key jukebox Stan, I just think they’re so lovely together, okay?
brotp: okay okay, so like of course it’s gotta be Flynn they are double trouble, you guys, duh. However, Molina siblings Reggie and Julie...
ot3: julie, luke, and luke’s undying (lol) adoration for her
notp: okay but me and riddhi were talking about this and like... has anyone seen any Julie and reggie ship stuff because I’m curious but also no? like if you ship it, I'm not one to say you can’t, I just don’t understand it, you know?
best quote: I can’t actually come up with any off the top of my head apart from ‘you got any bandaids? the barb wire’s new.’
head canon:
I’m such a jukebox Stan that I can’t really picture Julie with anyone else but I am here to support bisexual Julie Molina
also dyslexic Julie, of course (I love madi for repping us, okay?).
Julie loves cartoons - she’s a slut for she-ra.
omg can I call Julie a slut it’s like in a fun way, not a gross way
like I'm a slut for chicken nuggets
I mean not personally im veggie, but you know what I mean?
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