The fact that Green stans are throwing trantums because even TG actors couldn’t say why people should be on their side.

There’s no such thing as “Black propaganda” bffr it’s not medieval times, TG actors are not traditionalist Catholics losers who live in the 15th century like their fans, like besides the far-right and male supremacists, who will willingly admit that usurping women & preventing them from ruling on the sole basis of their gender is the right thing to do ? Especially in a favor of a drunkard rapist ? Besides incels and religious fanatics, how many in 2024 are like: “she’s an evil slut for having sex outside marriage, that’s why she doesn’t deserves to rule, and natural children are inherently evil & don’t deserve rights.” They are not awful people like y’all who support femicide.

Professionally, they are all at some level trying to play into their character and for the viewership's primary mindset towards the situations the story on-screen present/how they interpret them. Most of the audience are "team black" /Team Rhaenyra/team woman or just see through the greens' bullshit. Fandoms are also notoriously much more aggressive, acerbic, and defensive in online fandom and public spaces.

At the same time, you see the actors overwhelmingly seem inclined to not bring up the core of the greens' cause/reason to start a war: women and girls should not be allowed to rule before an available male relative, as direct as possible but unnecessary. Such an idea may be valid or the God's truth for some in the fandom (which has been notoriously and sexistly & vocal since GoT ended) but thankfully, we're in a place in time where people are also very upfront and assertive about their progressive politics, at least the younger generations. And women have much more autonomous legal rights than they have had in past centuries. More people conceive as women as their own unique persons, too, even though yes women's rights are being rolled back in the U.S. as we speak. A lot of that expression is geared towards the absurdity of those rights being rolled back and giving historical/contemporary contextual context or just plain reasoning to de0naturalize those acts.

People are speaking up more about IPV, public day rapes, orchestrated and planned femicides, women getting punched in the face. Women online are expressing their own styles, dreams, and humor, as well as telling women and femme-presenting people to decenter men (or to stop attaching everything they do or think they have to do from the prospect or presence of a man/boy).

So I think that they simply couldn't gun for the slogan of "men-first" without getting positively reamed. Plus, the 1st season really didn't lean into the greens' canonically uber-sexist personas bc the show writers wanted to "equalize" the moral characterizations of the two sides. To either/both the greens as sympathetic or to try to insert more complexity to them than what the already-green-leaning F&B book had down as them being mostly ultra-misogynist advocates for self-ambition and hypocrisy. Even Ewan--Aemond's actor--kept to the eye bit instead of Aemond's "cunny", "whore" comments because of these two things. SO while I think it is fair to not hear the actors as themselves play into the sexism in the promos [bc an actor vs character are two different beings and I don't necessarily want to hear a 21st century famous person say sexist shit], I wish the show and its writing itself played more into more of the expressed sexism rather than just the subtle and one instance of Otto's words to Alicent. again, the show did this to make a "balance" b/t the groups and one glaring effect that happened was that it provided a mask for sexists, pick mes, and dudebros to argue for the greens without just coming out and saying they think girls and women should remain subsidary to men/boys in all aspects of life. Especially as candidates for leadership roles. I've had countless anons try to argue that Rhaenyra wasn't a good enough leader and so she should never had gone to war to reclaim her throne, that Aegon at least had a council he'd listen to and would rule in his name...um, hello, I though that the best sort of ruler was one who had the wherewithal to actually rule?!?! Plus, Aegon's moral character has always been inferior to Rhaenyra and you basically admitting that his leadership qualities is nothing to smile at is you basically whittling down the reason he should be king is bc he happens ot have a penis! Especiaally considering Rhaenyra's supporters outnumbered Aegon's and passionately fought for her even after death. Whereas Aegon was poisoned by his own people. Tg just needs to let things go, for everyone's sake.

Seeing larries kissing Louis' ass in his new post honestly just grosses me out. Do y'all not have any self-respect? Why are so many larries fine with being his punching bag, his scapegoat, being gaslit and manipulated, and having him add fuel to the larrie hate train? I love him too. But at some point, he has to realize this shit isn't okay. It's not okay to speak to your fans this way and disrespect them. To single one fan out. And to do it so publicly where the media can pick it up, where the solo louies & harries, antis, and gf stans can use it as ammunition against us. I can't even go on the pop culture subreddits I like bc of how badly the hate is against us. Not only was this a stupid fucking move before trying to sell tickets in LatAm but why in the world would you treat the fans who have stuck by you since the beginning this way? We've seen through the bullshit in both 1D and his solo career. We've seen through the false image that was painted of him, although now he seems more than happy to play along. We've tried to be there for both him (and H) because THEY made it very clear for YEARS that they were together, closeted, and fighting back. Look, I get it some larries are doing way too much with their theories esp the ones that think Louis, Harry, and T*ylor are all gay beasties who are going to bring down the industry together. But they started this shit. They encouraged fans to look deeper. They came up with the name Larry Stylinson, not us. They got the corresponding tattoos and made it very obvious, not us. Louis got the dagger. They did rbb and sbb, which really caused fans to start theorizing. Louis did the Spotify canvases that connected back to H and Larry. Louis did the promo (was it for Walls?) where we had to find the different locations, and they almost always had a Larry reference nearby (I know I didn't explain that example well). Louis specifically puts H and Larry references in his music that he knows we know about. He's the one that put out the Just Like You music video. He's the one that put Style on the wall of the Miss You video. They're the ones that continuously use blue and green lights. Louis specifically interacts with Larries and Larry related signs and flags at his show. I mean, the list goes on and on. So, if you want people to chill out on Larry, how about you stop feeding it? Because this whole back and forth is exhausting and mentally draining. I'm really fucking tired of being made the joke of this fandom by Louis when we've done nothing but see him for who he really is and love him for that. And now the harassment and death threats have skyrocketed from solos, hets, gf stans, stans of other fandoms, and people into pop culture. I'm tired of seeing mental health being used as an insult against us as well because Louis and Harry not only started this, they encouraged this behavior from larries for YEARS. And then you have people who used to be around them (from xf times) Rebecca and mainly Katie talking about how truly horrible XF, Syco, and Modest were. How truly manipulative. How horribly they treated everyone, esp the boys. I mean, she's even talked about how the boys still have some of the same people around them since the early days. I know she went after larries one time (maybe more bc I stopped listening to her after that), but she made sure to talk about them and basically say without saying that a lot of our theories about xf, management, and syco weren't far off. Others around them have played into Larry. So, why doesn't he tell them to stop. Like, stop going after fans for something you created and encouraged for years. Just ignore it until you're ready to come out, if that ever happens.

I do have a question. I know stunts suck and Harry has been stunting a lot. I know H*livia was extremely upsetting. But why do larries seem to get more people upset at Harry for doing a pap walk with T*ylor, or even the ones he did with OW where he was obviously miserable, then they do with Louis outright shitting on us - multiple times? I'd much rather see Louis have to do a pap walk or two with some girl than throw fans under the bus, you know what I mean? Because while stunting sucks, it's playing the Hollywood game and something they probably are required to do to uphold the het image. Choosing to shit on fans shouldn't even be on the table if we mean as much to you as you say.

Sorry for the rant and rambling. I'm just really hurt and have so many feelings and probably didn't express everything properly. I don't recognize this "Louis," and it's really put me off. I thought we were a team, and now I just feel completely unwanted by him.

Let it out, anon 🧡

I know this hurts, especially for those of you who haven't experienced this before. We shouldn't have to deal with this. I think most people are able to ignore it and move past it because they know he's closeted and why he's doing it. They know that Louis doesn't love them any less, despite what his public twitter account might suggest. We know he's got little agency and we know he's being made to do things against his will. We see past his image and actions.

I would prefer him stunting over lashing out against his fans too. Maybe that's not an option or maybe he didn’t have a choice. Either way it isn't okay. It wasn't okay in 2012 and it isn't okay now. The only thing we can do is stop supporting him and giving him our money. Some love him and want him to succeed, and fight with him against the chains holding him back. He won't be able to do that without larries. So they keep supporting him and live in hope that things will change for the better someday. It's up to you to decide what your limits are and what you can and can't support.

Someone to Watch Over Me

Part 1:  “Love is Blind”

Author’s Note:  Do you think the Duffer’s realized what they were doing when they brought Eddie Munson to life on paper?  I don’t think so.  Because it’s been, what, nine or so months now, and I’m still all in on my favorite ne’er do well metal head.

This is my first time with an Original Character standing in for “reader”.  Just like with my reader insert fics, our OC is female and plus size. Pairing:  Eddie Munson x Plus Size OC Amanda Patterson Summary:  It’s love at first sound, pitch perfect and fated, everything in harmony.  If only life were a love song.  

Amanda and Eddie meet by chance but their connection is real.  Some night music and milkshakes maybe all it takes to show that Hawkins’ resident bad boy is worthy of love.  The kind of love a misfit like Amanda is ready to give to the right guy.  Have they each found the right someone to watch out for them? Warnings:  This is a slower burn than my usual, but I think it’ll be worth it.  There will be SMUT in additional chapters, but for now, there’s making out, eating a lot of junk food, some size shaming and self doubt.  Oh, and a character gets slapped.

“There’s a saying old, says that love is blind”

1990

“So, Eddie, how’s the tour been going?”

Pulling a long strand of dark hair over his cheek, a nervous habit he couldn’t seem to break, Eddie raised his dark eyes to the reporter asking the questions, ignoring the video camera and boom mic hovering overhead.  It took everything in him to keep the sarcastic edge in his tone to a minimum, “Well, Chuck, it’s been a helluva time.  Me and the boys, we’re just taking what comes.  It’s been fuckin’ amazing to see so many cities and of course, our fans.” “Oopsie!  Can’t curse like that, Eddie.  Can we cut around that?”  Chuck was asking some producer, talking over Eddie’s head, ignoring him all in the name of being appropriate for television.  Already he was over this whole experience.  What Eddie really wanted was to get back to the green room, have a beer or a smoke- scratch that.  And a smoke, before having to play tonight’s show.

The conversation around editing was still happening, Eddie’s interview on pause.  It gave him a minute to evaluate the man asking the questions.  Smarmy, yea, that’s the word Eddie would use for a guy like Chuck.  Hair slicked back and suit a little too colorful to be classy, the guy was cheesy as hell, but he was going to film a piece about the band.  Something for MTV to use in promos or some shit.  Eddie didn’t really care to know.  There were people for that now.  The same people who kept assuring him that there was no such thing as bad publicity.  Not when there was a nationwide tour that needed to sell tickets and t-shirts and records, so he bit his tongue and smiled sheepishly, waiting for the next question. “We rolling?  Great.  Ok, ready Eddie?” Nodding in answer, Eddie gave him the green light.  The interviewer tapped his finger against the skinny microphone in his hand, picking up seamlessly from where they had stopped earlier, “That’s good to hear.  Now, Corroded Coffin plays specifically metal but who has influenced your musical journey?  Which artists do you listen to?” Blowing out an exhale, his lips parting, Eddie thought for a minute.  “Ya know, all the greats Chuck.  I mean, I cut my teeth on Led Zeppelin.  Heart, Black Sabbath, obviously-” he rolled his eyes for emphasis, “-Iron Maiden and Metallica.  You play metal music and I’m there, man.” Chuck nodded along, agreeing with everything coming out of Eddie’s mouth, trying way too hard to seem interested.  He seemed more like a Madonna kinda guy, too caught up in the look of something to worry about its substance.  It grated on Eddie’s nerves, set his teeth on edge. “Gotcha.  So, the people want to know-” Chuck drug out the question, clearly enjoying the way he baited his interviewee, “-What is Eddie Munson’s favorite song?” Toffee colored eyes widened.  Despite the movement around him, the roadies hauling in speakers and gear, the conversations between stage crew and security guards, the clicking of boot heels on parquet flooring, Eddie could hear it.  His favorite song.  Clear and distinct, the memory a perfectly preserved bubble of sight and sound.  From over his shoulder someone coughed, bringing Eddie back to the here and now.  “Uh, sorry.  Didn’t mean to zone out there.” “Don’t worry, we’ll edit it out.”  Chuck’s hand made a motion urging him to continue. Eddie’s ring laden right hand rubbed across the skin on the back of his neck, internally debating just how real to be with his response.  In the end, Eddie told the whole truth.  He spilled one of his deeply held secrets to a douche bag with gelled back hair and a smile that was too much teeth. Looking directly into the bubbled lens of the video camera, Eddie offered up a reluctant, almost embarrassed smile, “My favorite song?  That’s a great question, man.  And, uh, ya know, I wanna say something hard rocking and fast.  But honestly?  Someone to Watch Over Me by the Gershwin brothers.” Eddie’s voice was practically a whisper at his admission.  He was ready for a ribbing.  A hard rocker like him, known for bad boy behavior and leaving a lady behind in every city?  No way Eddie Munson could possibly be a romantic at heart, right? Fully expecting a laugh from smarmy Chuck, some jab about the softness of his choice, or a comment on it being a standard, something old fashioned or behind the times.  But Eddie only heard the insipid agreement of the interviewer, “Great song.  A classic.” “Yea.  It is.”

—

1987

It had always come naturally to Amanda.  She opened her mouth and the sound just came out, warm and round, with the right amount of inflection and sweetness of tone.  Singing was what she did.  From the time she could talk, Amanda was making music, using her body as the instrument. Church choir taught her how to sight read sheet music, her voice moving up and down the scale in time with the half and quarter notes.  Learning how to let her high Soprano melt in with the other members of the chorus so that no individual could be heard over another.  Discovering the power of dynamics; an effective hushed line that built into a climaxing crescendo, the rush of belting out a powerful note with all of the choir members doing the same.  Amanda continued to discover the best ways to utilize her voice, really only ever happy when she was humming or whistling or belting out a tune. One Christmas there was a tawny wooden guitar under the tree.  She carried it with her everywhere she could.  Teaching herself the chords from a beginner’s guide until she could play “Frosty the Snowman” without stopping.  And her unquestionable love of music grew with every new song she memorized until the entire book had faded from overuse. There were high school musicals, of course.  Grease, Annie, Guys and Dolls, Anything Goes.  And even if she was always the sidekick with no solo, hanging around in the back of the chorus lines, she loved performing.  Being on a stage, with the lights and excitement, the tension of anxiety turning into the power needed to propel her through the show.  Amanda lived for the thrill of it.  Something could go wrong or things could go incredibly right.  In either case, you could never truly know which way it would play out until it was happening.  Then, the curtain would fall and there would be bows and applause. Amanda loved the spotlight, absolutely and unequivocally.  Only, the spotlight didn’t love her back. Her round, full cheeks wouldn’t do to play Sandy.  The curvy, womanly figure she’d grown into wouldn’t work for Annie or Pepper or even Mrs. Hannigan.  Despite the lovely, lyrical quality to her voice, it wasn’t enough to outweigh her looks. So Amanda sang out loud and long from the back row of the chorus, her robe tight across her ample chest.  She learned the simple choreography for musical numbers and was told, “you’re so light on your feet” as if it was shocking to see.  Every year was a new chance to gain that place in the middle of the stage, singing for all she was worth for everyone to hear, but never making it due to a healthy appetite which made her soft in the places where people would rather she be firm. It was the bitterest of pills, but she swallowed it, happy just to be involved.  Pleased to have her name printed in the program as a participant even if she was living off of the scraps of lesser performers who just so happened to look prettier under the hot stage lamps.  She accepted hugs from the pretty boys who tried on singing and dancing as a way to meet girls, but wouldn’t give her a second glance.  The boys who saw her as the funny, talented friend of the group.  Always happy to drive everyone home, listen to everyone’s troubles, offering sage advice and asking for nothing in return.  That was Amanda.

All too soon, school was ending.  Over.  And college loomed in front of her, full of promise and secret worries.

She knew what she wanted, what she had always wanted.  It had never changed despite the wacky directors who hid her behind scaffolding or pushed her to the dim corners of the stage.  Amanda was on the earth to do one thing only: make beautiful music. It was, after all, her favorite thing to do. Unfortunately, it was also incredibly difficult to make a career out of, something her parents constantly felt the need to remind her about.  They only wanted what was best for her, that’s what they said anyways.  And what was best, in the opinion of Mr. and Mrs. Patterson, was a steady job as a hairdresser or nurse or preschool teacher.  Anything really to fill the gap until she met “the one”, got married and started having their grandchildren. Too bad Amanda loved the music so much more.  It had taken a lot of work, hours and hours of debating and shouting but somehow she had convinced them to let her go to school for music.  The catch?  She’d also study education.  It was a compromise Amanda was willing to make, just to get her foot in the door.  Worst case?  She’d wind up a music department chair at some high school or another, a great back up plan to her real dream: musical super stardom like Linda Rondstadt or Carol King. Only, school was expensive, especially when you were trying to make music your career.  And her parents did as much as they could, which she was incredibly grateful for, but everything cost so damn much.  So, almost broke and entirely desperate, Amanda searched around until finding a part time position at The Music Shop.  She started selling sheet music and drum sticks, auto tuners and guitar straps from a squat building painted an obnoxious shade of ocean blue that could be seen for miles in any direction. Occasionally there’d be a student in need of some musical mentoring and she’d drag out her acoustic guitar, the tawny one she kept in its cardboard case after all these years.  Showing them where to hold their fingers and how to press against the tough strings in order to get a pretty sound out of the instrument brought her a lot of joy.  It was still making music and that was enough for her between class work and socializing and generally trying to be a good person. The college classes related to music and music theory were fascinating.  Her collection of records and tapes had grown significantly.  It seemed as though every new person she talked to had a list of bands she “just had to listen to” and Amanda did. How could she ever thank her roommate’s boyfriend for turning her on to Lou Reed?  Did she live before knowing all the words to Pirates of Penzance?  How did Whitney Houston sound so incredible all of the time?

Writing a paper on the importance of Tom Petty’s ability to pen pretty lyrics, Amanda found herself surrounded by like minded musical folks.  She was invited to parties where everyone sang along to the radio, getting rowdy in the tame way theater kids everywhere are prone to do.  Drinking beers was fun.  Smoking cigarettes killed her throat through and Amanda refused to damage her instrument with nicotine like that.  Besides, she couldn’t afford them anyway. When she wasn’t studying or singing or stocking, Amanda did gig out.  Sometime during her first semester she had been approached by Jim, a cellist, Mark, a drummer and Carly, a pianist.  Having met the threesome at someone or other’s pre-Thanksgiving break bash, Amanda hadn’t realized it right away but she was casually auditioning for their band.  Not once did her size come up.  All the three seemed to care about was how quickly they could get her into a rehearsal.  They had a jazz trio and wanted someone to vocalize for them, someone with a soft tone, an easy timber that could get them playing in front of bigger crowds.  That she blended in with their group dynamic made it an easy fit and soon, the four of them were playing shows together all over the area and regularly too. Now, well into her third year at school, Amanda had a good idea of what her life was going to look like.  She would work the store, teaching a couple of private students the ways of the guitar, and sing out with the band on the weekends.  If they happened to get a wee bit drunk after a show, who could blame them?  After all, they were barely twenty and the world still had so much left to show them. At the music shop, one late September Saturday, Amanda took a minute to hang up the flier for Hawkins’ Autumn Concert Series.  Their quartet had been asked to entertain, practicing for weeks now getting the set list perfect for their biggest concert yet.  Smiling happily to herself, she gently forced the pushpin into the cork board where the typical announcements of used instruments for sale, lessons for keyboard or piano, and imploring alerts for new band members all co-existed in a colorful, clashing collage. Stepping backwards, Amanda wasn’t entirely paying attention, her mind already drifting to the highlight of the performance.  What she was going to wear, how she’d do her hair, all the little details that she liked to get right in an effort to make sure that the show went off without a hitch.  That’s how she missed the fellow who was crouched down behind her, ringed hands reaching for the Iron Maiden song book that was propped up on the bottom shelf. Her booted foot hit something solid, something that shouldn’t be in the aisle, and she turned quickly.  A blur of black leather and curls flew upwards fast.  The joint of her ankle rolled and Amanda reached out blindly, connecting with a solid wall of a person, holding on with a death grip to keep on her feet. Holy shit, did this chick have pretty eyes.  It was his first thought and boy, was it a doozy.  Eddie could see the shock clearing as worry crept in, crowding around the wide irises, her lips parted in a panicked “o”.  Clipped nails clawed into the denim vest he always wore, holding herself upright against the unfair tug of gravity, her forearms pressed tightly to his chest.  Bringing a steadying hand to her wrist, he shook his head, shyly smiling, “You alright there?  Took a bit of a tumble, didn’t ya?” Inhaling shakily, Amanda nodded dumbly, her heart still thrumming.  Still standing much too close to a stranger.  She had been certain of falling but having this, this guy break that fall, was disconcerting in an entirely different way.  “Oh, I am so sorry!  I didn’t see you, and-” “Hey, it’s ok.  No harm done, so long as you’re ok.  You are ok, right?”  There was a brief flash of concern that crossed his face, but it faded when Amanda bobbed her head at his question. She hadn’t moved.  Eddie was still looking down at her upturned face, the way her hair fell softly against her cheeks and the sweet sweep of her nose making her look about as precious as he had ever had the pleasure to see.  Eddie didn’t want to look away. For another beat they stood there, together, surrounded by score books and tutorial materials while an instrumental version of “Don’t Stop Believing” played through the store speakers.  Shifting in his Reeboks, Eddie swayed to the melody and Amanda let herself be carried along with him.  In another second, Amanda was certain that she would wrap his arms around her waist and call it a day.  Already, Eddie’s free hand was sliding towards her shoulder, another point of contact with this unknown, but very cute, man. “Yo!  Amanda?  Are you-”  Kyle’s voice cut through the force field around the pair.  At the sound of her manager’s shout she panic jumped back far enough to thud against the very cork board which held her proudly hung announcement, knocking the air out of her lungs with a grunted, “Oof!” “Jesus!  What are you doing?”  

Amanda’s eyes went wide at Kyle’s intrusion, and she pressed a hand to her chest to stop her startled heart from bursting free from the unused adrenaline, “Me?  Kyle, you scared the crap out of me!” Eddie’s head had snapped towards the interruption before pivoting back to the pretty lady he now knew was called Amanda.  His hand reached for hers reflexively, to help steady her, the same shy grin tugging at his lips.  That she took it and held it like a lifeline sent a zig-zag of energy from his fingertips straight to the muscles of his tummy which tightened at the contact. One of Kyle’s eyebrows shot skyward, his face skeptical, “What’s going on over here, anyway?”  He asked as if he already knew the answer, questioning eyes full of judgment. Amanda’s mouth opened and closed wordlessly.  What was going on back here?  She didn’t know, really. Luckily, Eddie did.  “Uh, your beautiful sales associate was just helping me find this-” holding up the song book with Iron Maiden’s logo splashed across the cover, he continued, “-and uh, then you came around the corner and, ya know, scared her half to death.” “Were you dancing?” Sneaking a quick glance her way, Eddie chuckled, “Dancing?  While she’s supposed to be working?  Naw man.  Like I said, she was helping me out.” His arms crossed over his chest, Kyle stared directly at Amanda, all but demanding her side of the story.  Running a palm up her neck, leaning into her hand, she exhaled loudly, “He’s- he’s right, Kyle.  I was just giving him, ya know, a hand.” Narrowing his eyes, not believing either of them, Kyle groaned in frustration, “Fine.  Whatever.  Just, I had a question for you.  Ya know, when you’re free?” Nodding, “Sure.  Yea, of course.  Just um-” she gestured towards Eddie, “-Give me a minute, ok?” “Yea.  Ok.”  Snorting, Kyle moved back towards the register, leaving Eddie and Amanda alone once more. Blinking those amazing eyes his way, Amanda locked her hands together to keep from touching the broad boy in front of her anymore, “So, thank you.  I’m not entirely sure what was going on, but I’m glad I don’t have to explain it to my boss.” “Right.  Well, I’m sorry for tripping you up.  Covering for you seemed like the least I could do.” Amanda heard the store’s music shift, something by Annie Lennox filling the space, and she took a tentative step away from Eddie causing him to lean forward, “Wait-” “Yea?”  Her hair swung over her shoulder, that’s how fast she spun around to face him, her stare open and curious. Nervously, Eddie bit his bottom lip as he rocked on the worn down heels of his sneakers.  For the first time in as long as he could remember he was almost unsure of what to say, “Uh, can I see you again?” Amanda didn’t laugh in his face and she didn’t shy away, both reactions he fully expected if he was honest about it.  Instead, and to his utter amazement, she reached behind her, yanking down the flier she’d only just hung up, “Absolutely.”  And she pushed the paper into his hand before scurrying toward Kyle. Shit.  He was in trouble already. Waiting just another couple of minutes, Eddie made his way to the cashier, patiently standing behind a flustered mom and her teenage son.  That the kid kept trying to get her to look at the cherry red electric guitar and amp set, already staged for Christmas, wasn’t lost on Eddie.  It’s exactly the type of gear he’d lusted after when he was young and eager, before he’d gotten his Sweetheart, and never looked back. Mind wandering, he didn’t hear her at first, “I can help you over here, sir.” Tilting his head towards her voice, Eddie took a shuffling step toward her register, “Ah, thank you, miss.” “No problem.”  But it most definitely was a problem, because Amanda couldn’t lift her gaze his way.  Not when her body rolled over hot at the memory of his chest under her fingers, his brown eyes peering down at her with sweet desire in their burnt caramel depths. Amanda punched in the code numbers, reading the price sticker and busying herself with recording the sale correctly.  “Amanda?  What’s the price for the Fender capo?” “Twelve fifty!”  It’s automatic and Eddie was astonished at how she kept focused on his sale while answering her colleague from memory. Finally, she raised her face to find Eddie’s smiling one already looking in her direction, and struggling to keep the flush of her embarrassment in control managed to ask, “Is uh, is there anything else today?” “Naw, Amanda.  I think this’ll do it.”  Giggling, a bit more timid now that she was safe behind the counter, Amanda bagged up the book and relayed the total.  Eddie pulled the bills out of his wallet, his chains clinking together musically, as Amanda made change for him quickly and precisely.  When he grabbed for the package, his fingers rested over her own for just a heartbeat, “I’ll see you soon then.  And uh, thanks for the dance, Amanda.” Stunned, all she could do was stand there, confused at the Dio patched metal head who pushed through the doorway and onto the street.  Under her breath, Amanda swore, “Fuck.  He knows my name.” —

Eddie didn’t know what he was supposed to wear to an outdoor concert in Hawkins Memorial Park at the beginning of October.  Was it a jacket and tie sort of situation?  Were jeans enough?  Was he going to stick out like a sore thumb if he was wearing a Metallica t-shirt? All of these questions and more burned through the bong ripped brain of Eddie Munson.  Pacing in front of his mirror, he fluffed his hair with his fingers, fidgety and fussing.  “Dude.  You’re fine.  What’s the big deal anyway?” Fixing Dustin with a stare that would wither lesser beings, Eddie folded down the collar of his red checkered flannel shirt, “The big deal?  I’ll tell you, Henderson.  The big deal is-” grabbing for his well used bottle of Aqua Velva and splashing a few shakes into his hands, “-I don’t wanna look like a jerk.  I want to blend in.  Just uh, enjoy some new music, and a nice night.” “Psst.  Bullshit.  Who’s the chick?” His eyes widened.  How could the little butthead know?  Eddie hadn’t said a word about the music store beauty and still, somehow, the pipsqueak was calling him out. “What chick?  Who said chick?  There’s no chick.” “Me thinks thou doth protest too much.” Pausing while he fiddled with the buttons on the sleeves of his shirt, confusion filling his face, Eddie blinked, “Wha?” “It’s Shakespeare.  You protest too much ‘cause, ya know, you’re covering up.”  Frustrated, Dustin shook his head, closing his eyes as he exhaled heavily, “Nevermind.  You’re clearly lying.  Tell me about her.  Who is she?” Looking over at his youthful friend, Eddie thought about it for a long second.  Tell Dustin about Amanda?  What was there to tell?  Shrugging safely into his shirt, Eddie bought himself some time fiddling with the buttons.  “Uh, well.  I don’t really know her all that well.  We, literally, bumped into each other at the music shop when I was picking up my new bible.”  He was now entirely focused on his hair which had decided to go fluffy.  Disgusted at what he saw, looking more pampered poodle than suave rocker, Eddie continued to run his hands through the curls as he chatted with his sidekick, “She’s uh-” “Pretty?” Dropping his gaze to the top of his dresser, Eddie’s cheeks colored at the word, “Yea.  So cute.  And, she seems smart.  Funny, ya know?” Nodding, Dustin came up behind his friend, plucking a stray hair from his shoulder, “Sounds pretty damn perfect, man.” “I’m sure there’s a catch.  There always is when it comes to women.”  Eddie couldn’t help trying to keep his excitement in check.  It was better to set his expectations low.  Less likely to hurt so bad when someone disappointed him and people always seemed to be disappointing Eddie Munson. Catching his older friend’s eye in the mirror, Dustin offered up a toothless smile, “I don’t know, man.  Maybe she’ll surprise you?” —

People were scattered around the park.  Some hovered near benches, others sat on blankets and a lucky few used their lawn chairs, dragged from home, all to get a good view of the small stage where the quartet would be performing tonight.  It was exciting. Amanda had unpacked her mic and cord, scatting a bit so that the guys could get a level on her voice and ensure a balanced sound through their mixing board.  She didn’t really understand all the technicalities, but in the end it helped make sure that they all sounded as good as possible, so Amanda played along.  “Testing one, two, three- testing one, two, three.  Can y’all hear us out there?” A smattering of claps and one enthusiastic “Woo hoo!” met her question.  Carly’s electric piano came next, banging out a couple of chords, before Jim slid his bow across the strings of his bass.  Not to be excluded, Mark took a couple of rim shots, making them all laugh. Now all that was left was waiting for the start of the show.  Seven o’clock and one of the town’s cultural council staff members used her microphone to blab about why they were hosting this event and to welcome Amanda and the band.  The lawn had filled in a bit, more people milling around which was always a good sign, so Amanda took a deep breath before greeting everyone, “Good evening everyone!  We’re the Indiana Four and we’re going to play for you tonight.  If you like what you hear, there’s a tambourine-” jingling the instrument to get everyone's attention, Amanda added, “-and I’ll leave it right here, in case you wanna put a little something in it!”

It was still too early for a full on sun set, but the sky didn’t know it.  Painted in bold streaks of orange that melted into petal pink due to the rays of the sinking sun, it created a warm glow which outlined everything around them with a gilded golden edge.  The moon was already a ghostly crescent barely visible in the rainbow tinted ether when Amanda let her voice rise into the oncoming night.  Mark counted them in with a broad smile in her direction and Carly’s piano joined the swell of music.  The deeper bass notes of Jim’s cello grounded the opening strains of their first song.  Amanda gently shut her eyes, letting her body feel every word of the song she was singing, just like she would do at home in her shower or behind the wheel of her tiny car.  Unaware of herself and completely at ease, letting her instrument, her voice, blend into the melody the four of them created together. Eddie was never going to get over the sound of her voice.  Sweet and soaring, she seemed to change the quality of its tone depending on the song, always leaving him guessing.  Which version of this lady was going to sing next?  A sultry vixen, heart broken and mournful?  The shy ingenue, new to love?  A plaintive bard, looking for answers?  Or some new character created to enchant him with only the power of her voice? In between songs, Amanda smiled brightly, joking with the people gathered and teasing her band mates playfully.  It made the entire concert feel comfortable- easy.  Like the folks who came down to see them were in on the funniest joke.  All one big, happy family who simply wanted to share music on a random October evening in the middle of Indiana. “Ok everyone, you’ve heard us sing a little of this and a little of that-” wrapping her hands around the microphone, Amanda pulled the silver stick closer, “-but now we’re going to do a favorite of mine, if that’s alright.” At the opening strains from the piano, a couple, older with matching graying hair, stood in front of their chairs and started swaying together, wrapped in each other’s arms.  Amanda’s lips spread in a wide smile pointed in their direction as she started, “There’s a saying old, says that love is blind. Still we’re often told, seek and ye will find. So, I’m gonna seek a certain lad I’ve had in mind.” Moving from the lamp post he had been leaning against, no longer content to watch from the shadows, Eddie stepped directly into Amanda’s line of sight.  She saw him.  How could she miss the leather wrapped, long haired guy who was peering straight into her soul?  And she wanted to look away, give someone, anyone else in the assembled listeners, her attention, but Amanda found that she couldn’t.

Had she expected him to be there?  Shaking her head for the crowd to see answered her own thoughts.  No, Amanda had no idea that the metal loving smooth talker would actually come to seek her out.  But, she had thought about it in the small moments between guitar lessons or while driving to her classes in the morning.

So, no.  Seeing Eddie stand there, bold as brass with his wide eyed stare and his hands in his pockets was not what Amanda had been expecting.  Hoped for, maybe.  Wished for, absolutely.  Reality though was better than anything her mind might have considered. “Looking everywhere, haven’t found him yet He’s the big affair I cannot forget, Only man I ever think of with regret.” Eddie swallowed hard.  The words she was singing wrapped around him on the night’s breeze and held on tight.  It was as if they were having a conversation that no one else could decipher, a conversation for only two. “I’d like to add his initials to my monogram, Tell me, where’s the shepherd for this lost lamb?” And she sounded lost.  Abandoned.  Alone.  Exactly like the type of person that Eddie was collecting for Hellfire or the band.  A person who needed someone like him to shield them from the big bads in life.  A guy who could protect her from the sort of wolves that a shepherd like him knew about all too well. “There’s a somebody I’m longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be Someone to watch over me.”

She was singing just to him.  Only Eddie.  There was no one else to look at, no one else who could understand or appreciate what the lyrics demanded.  “I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood, I know I could always be good To one who'll watch over me”

Eddie felt his smile slide into place.  It wasn’t the wide, dimpled, open grin that showed off his teeth and let you know he was happiest.  No, this smile was small, secret.  It drew his pretty pink tongue over the plush swell of his lips, something Amanda could see from a distance.  Then, just to be coy, his pearly top teeth bit into the pillow cushion of his bottom lip, teasing her from her position on the small stage. Even from this far away, Amanda could see that he had made an effort.  A shirt with a collar was buttoned across his chest, all red and black squares that looked soft and broken in.  Sure, it was still under his leather jacket, but the denim vest must have been left somewhere safe, because he wasn’t sporting the pins and patches that she remembered from their first encounter.  Jeans, dark blue or was it black?  She couldn’t really tell, but it didn’t entirely matter.  Either way, they fit snugly around his thighs and only sported a single torn knee.  The threads stretched across his joint, frayed and begging to be played with. His hair was wild.  It fell in waves of dark tendrils, looking to all the world like no care had been taken in its shaping and styling.  Amanda stretched the fingers of her right hand, the one not holding her mic, imagining how Eddie’s curls would feel wrapped around her fingers. He saw it all.  The way her hand fisted at her side before trailing up the chord of her microphone, tangling the slack in her fingers.  How Amanda let every note have its own moment before the next one rose to join it. “Although he may not be the man some girls think of as handsome, To my heart, he carries the key”

Eyes fluttering shut, Amanda took a breathy inhalation as the melody shifted, daring to break the spell by denying herself the sight of Eddie in the crowd.  Her heart thumped in time with Mark’s gentle drumming, thick hips swaying without her conscious approval, the crowd around her all but forgotten.  Sliding back to the original cadence, the song swelled up and out of Amanda, nearing the end. “Won't you tell him please, to put on some speed, Follow my lead, oh, how I need, Someone to watch over me”

Eddie was transfixed.  There was only him and Amanda and her voice and the falling sun burnishing everything rose golden in the fading light.  He caught the way her skirt curled happily at her ankles with every shift of her feet.  The way her mouth formed around the lyrics.  How her chest rose and fell with each expressive stanza. The words repeated: “Won't you tell him please, to put on some speed Follow my lead, oh, how I need Someone to watch over me”

Amanda let her eyes flutter open.  Closer now, unavoidable and un-ignorable, Eddie was standing directly in front of her.  The final note, held until her lungs burned from want of air, faded into the ether and she winked at him.  She couldn’t help it, really. Not when she had somehow managed to carry on as if the most handsome guy Amanda had ever bumped into wasn’t staring straight into her soul as she sang.  Not when every note was rich and ripe and reverberated across the people packed plaza even if, presently, she sang solely for an audience of one. Applause.  Clapping and whistling came from every corner of the park, jostling Eddie’s attention.  From the stage, Amanda giggled at his reaction, but smoothly covered her response, “We are just so grateful that you all came to see us tonight.  So-” tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, a shy smile pointed in Eddie’s direction, she continued, “-we’re going to do one more song before we say goodnight.” She didn’t look at Eddie at all this time.  Amanda wasn’t even sure she could, not after the intensity of singing, to him, for him.  But she could tell he was there all the same, with his elbows bending outward like leather wrapped wings, nervous energy causing him to bounce on his toes in time with the music.

The new melody started and Amanda let it take her away too.  This number is lively, the rhythm more rock than jazz, and she gave herself permission to have a little fun, show off a little bit.  Still, she actively ignored the one set of eyes that didn’t seem to stray from her own through their final song. Soon enough, it was all over and the Indiana Four began breaking down.  A few friendly folks from the audience came up and said kind words.  Luckily there were a few dollars in the tambourine and Amanda happily handed the take to Carly, “Not so bad.” “Not bad at all-” But her friend stopped mid sentence, a voice familiar and still foreign cutting through the conversation, “Um, excuse me?  Amanda?” Turning around, Amanda was surprised to find Eddie so close that the toes of her boots brushed against his Reeboks.  She looked up at him through the curtain of her mascara, “How can I help you?” Now her voice was breathy.  Husky.  And it made Eddie’s skin prickle hotly.  “Uh, I just wanted to tell you- all, tell you all just how much I enjoyed your set.” Only, Eddie never looked past Amanda’s face.  Couldn’t really.  Not when her wide eyes were staring into his own, their long lashes accentuating her curious gaze, her head tilted in a way that showed sincerity.

His calloused palm rubbed against the back of his neck, nerves getting the better of him the longer that Eddie stood there.  It felt like hours.  Long, silence filled hours where no one spoke and he dangled from a weak branch of his own social awkwardness. In reality it was only seconds before Amanda giggled like a crushing school girl, dropping her gaze to break the spell she had unwittingly cast, “Well, that’s awfully kind of you…?” Clearly she was prompting him.  It was unfair that she was at the disadvantage of not knowing his name when he had learned hers through the forced politeness of the customer service industry.  Behind her, Carly snorted as they watched Eddie extend a heavy ringed hand, taking Amanda’s in his own.  Raising it high enough to press a chaste kiss to the back, adding a saucy wink for good measure as he answered, “Eddie.  I’m Eddie.” “Eddie.”  Amanda wasn’t aware that she’d whispered it out loud until her friend was reaching past her, extending her own hand Eddie’s way for a greeting, using her flirty voice to try and charm the very handsome, very out of place guy, “Carly.  That’s me.  And-” dropping her hand when Eddie failed to take it, Carly laughed ruefully, “-you don’t care.” Carly was absolutely right.  Neither one of them paid her any attention because the world as Amanda knew it no longer existed.  Not anymore. There was a new sun, a new sky.  One with raven curls and plump, pink lips.  A center of the galaxy that smelled like Aqua Velva and cinnamon gum and something mossy green.  The world had shifted off its axis, tipping her right into the arms of Eddie Munson. For Eddie, well, he had been gone from the second Amanda had tangled herself around him so tightly that she’d almost fallen.  But it was amazing to recognize that these feelings he was having were mutual.  He got shy then, toeing at the patch of grass in front of her, hands in his pockets while he played at casual, “Wanna get outta here?” Nodding wordlessly, Amanda agreed, only to realize her unspoken intention.  “Yea!  Uh, yes.  Yes.  That would be nice.” When Eddie cocked his chin up, the smile on his face was dazzling, “Excellent.”

— She was sure that she told the band where she was going and who she was leaving with, but Amanda couldn’t be certain.  It felt like so long ago.  An age had passed since she had been standing on the simple stage, singing for all of Hawkins to hear.  Since then, the long ago days of the early evening, so much had happened. Eddie had held her hand as he walked her to his van, holding open the door and ensuring that Amanda was tucked safely inside.  Boys didn’t do that- not for Amanda Patterson.  Not for the chubby girl who still had her baby weight to lose. When he caught her nibbling worriedly at her bottom lip, Eddie asked pointedly, “Everything alright?” “Uh, yea, I just-” “Afraid I’m trying to kidnap you, huh?  I get it.  Vans do have a-” he waggled his eyebrows suggestively while pressing the tip of his tongue to the center of his top lip, “-certain reputation.  But I promise you, Amanda.  No funny business.”  With one hand over his heart, Eddie extended the other, holding his pinky finger out. She recognized the gesture.  Every school aged kid would.  “Is that- are you making a pinky promise?”

His cheeks split into a solar powered smile as he nodded, “Oh, yes.  Absolutely.  And it’s ironclad, since, ya know, we link our little fingers.” Chuckling with her whole body, her shoulders lifted as Amanda agreed by reaching out her own pinky, “Ok, ok.  No funny business.”

They wrapped their littlest fingers around the other, huffing out laughs like naughty children.  And it did comfort any nagging fears that might have flooded Amanda’s mind because it was so silly.  So unexpected.  It was also entirely sincere. Roaring to life like a beast roused from slumber, the van started and Eddie shifted into gear, “Are you, by any chance, hungry?”

He was hoping against hope that she was because Eddie wasn’t ready to say goodnight.  Not now when he finally had this beautiful songbird buckled into the passenger’s seat, looking at him with those electric eyes.  Eyes that kept pulling him in anytime he dared glance Amanda’s way, now fully focused on him and beaming. Normally a question like that would be fully loaded for a young woman very aware of her size and stature, but for the first time and without any hesitation, Amanda answered without reservation, “Starved.”

Exhaling through a grin, Eddie shook his hair off his shoulders, “Then let’s go!” The drive to the diner was filled with chatter.  He offered kind words about the band, the concert and her vocals.  “You, you’re just incredible.  Never heard someone sing like that before.” “Thanks, but truthfully, Carly and Mark and Jim, they make me sound better.”  Amanda did that thing where she deflected the words, the attention, to anyone else in order to minimize herself.  What she didn’t count on?  Eddie’s ability to see right through her. Blowing his bangs off his face, Eddie swiveled to face Amanda, his tone finally serious, “Uh uh.  Nope.  No way.  You’re gonna have to accept that you’re the star of the show, sweetheart.”  Then, he leaned over the center console, right into Amanda’s personal space to bump her shoulder with his own, “Please, take the compliment.” Her jaw snapped shut, hands in her lap where Amanda fooled around her with fingernails, fidgeting.  She swallowed thickly and bobbed her head, her voice gaining strength.  “You’re right.  I, uh, I appreciate you saying that.” “No problem at all, hun.  I’m only telling the truth.”  That’s when she noticed his little finger wiggling her way, “Pinky promise.” — Normally Amanda would frown at the idea of a booth.  They tended to be a tight squeeze, embarrassingly so when she’d have to slide across the bench, her supple thighs sticking to the tacky pleather. She desperately did not want to be embarrassed in front of the forthright dude in front of her. But Amanda didn’t need to worry.  Eddie, lacing her hand in his, tugged her to the back table, “My usual spot- out of the way and the most comfortable one in the place.” Deep and roomy, the color of jellied cranberry sauce from a can, the cushion was accommodating because of its indeterminate age.  She plopped onto the seat with room to spare, more than a little relieved, “Oh yea?” “Yea.  I’ve been breaking it in for years.” Cocking her head in a way that made Eddie’s breath hitch, a clever half teasing smile curling one corner of her mouth higher than the other, Amanda joked, “So you bring all your women here, then?” The deep barking laugh that came straight from Eddie’s chest made an elderly gentleman sitting at the countertop turn around with a scowl.  “All my women?  You make me sound like a lothario.” “Mr. Goodbar?  Is that you?”  She squinted her eyes, leaning into the bit. “Oh, Mandy, honey.  I am nowhere near that good with the ladies.” “I don’t know.  You’re doing pretty good with me, so far.”  And it was out of her mouth like a runaway rocket.  There was no way to pull it back, no way to reign it in.  It was there- out in the ether, like a comet bound to crash through the atmosphere. Amanda froze because now she’d done it.  She had pointed out her interest, revealed herself as wanting, knowing that any other time she had dared to give voice to her attraction it had always been met with let down and heart ache.  The embarrassment boiled through her. God, she had wanted so badly to play it cool.  To ensure that Eddie was really into her before making any kind of declaration that couldn’t be passed off as a joke.  Stewing, Amanda waited for the inevitable rejection from the man far prettier and sexier than she should ever hope to have for her own. But instead of a dismissive shrug or, worse, a comment about liking her as a ‘just friend’, Amanda got to watch as Eddie’s eyes lit up joyfully.  He couldn’t hide it either, apparently, since his smile widened enough to show off a pair of precious dimples, “Yea?  Ya think so?  That’s- uh, that’s good to hear.” Something about his own reckless enthusiasm caused the flood of worry to ebb away, leaving Amanda filled with a warm, gooey sensation that was not as familiar.  Could it be?  Was this what mutual attraction felt like?  Was this what love songs had been selling for generations and greeting card companies were always trying to find new ways to describe?  Was this… love? “Hey lovebirds, what can I get ya?”  It is a universal law that wait staff appear at the table when it is least convenient and this interruption by Cheryl ensured that all was right with the cosmos, her tiny pencil poised and ready to write. They had spent no time reading the menu, but Eddie had it memorized cover to cover.  Looking at Amanda, he nodded, “So, uh, do you trust me?” Again, her head tilted, appraising this nearly perfect stranger with the gorgeous grin and shaggy hair.  “Uh huh, yea.  I trust you.  Why do you ask?” Licking over his lips, he turned all of his unfiltered attention to their waitress, dialing the charm up to eleven, “Hiya Cheryl!” “Hi yourself, Eddie.  What’s it gonna be?”  There was a familiarity there that spoke of too many late night coffee cups and slices of pie.  It wasn’t friendly, really, but it was warm enough and Eddie’s puppy dog eyes moved the conversation into safer waters. “Hmm… patty melts.  Two please, with the curly fries, ok?” A curt nod answered his request, “Yea, and to drink?” He looked at Amanda, that impish twinkle shining bright in his cinnamon dark eyes, “Milkshakes?” “Oh!  Yes!  Vanilla for me, please.”  She beamed at Eddie, excitement at the consideration evident in Amanda’s face. “And I suppose you want chocolate, right Eddie?” Cheryl lifted her gaze from the scribble filled notepad to stare down at Amanda’s dinner companion. Placing his ring covered hand over his chest, Eddie batted his eyes, “You know the way to my heart, Cheryl.” Snorting approvingly at his antics, she jotted down Eddie’s preferred flavor, “All right kids, be right up.” And she wasn’t kidding because before either of them could let the silence grow, two tall and frosty milkshake glasses were being slid across the glittering formica, each topped with a mound of whipped cream and a luscious, over sweet cherry as a crown.  A pair of straws were tossed down without much thought and Amanda greedily grabbed one, eager to taste the delectable treat in front of her. “So, tell me about you.  What do you- like, what do you do for fun?”  Eddie was toying with his straw’s paper wrapper, making small talk and working hard at looking effortless.  He hadn’t been out like this, with a girl he was so into, in ages.  Maybe ever, really, and he was rusty, more than a little out of practice. Amanda swirled her own straw through the thick vanilla shake in front of her, biting into her bottom lip before replying, “Well, I work.  A lot.”  “At the Music Shop?” She shrugged, “Yup.  But it’s not all restocking sheet music and replacing guitar strings.  I teach-” “Like guitar?”  Something about the prospect was so exciting.  A fellow musician to noodle around with and she just happened to have the voice of an angel?  Was this paradise found, or what? Amanda nodded at his eager response, “Yea.  Also some keyboard, like, really beginner piano, ya know?” Eddie slurped at his chocolate shake, brain going a mile a minute.  Shaking his long hair off his shoulders, nearly gawking, he clicked his tongue before sighing deeply, “It’s not really fair.” Worry filled Amanda’s features.  Had she done something wrong?  It had all been going so well, maybe too well?  “What’s not fair?” Rapping his ringed knuckles against the tabletop before pointing her way, “You.  You’re like, too good to be true.” Shy now, Amanda turned away from his kindness, his honeyed praises, and fiddled nervously with the pendant of her necklace.  It wasn’t something she had a ton of experience with; flirting and compliments and genuine appreciation.  If she was on a stage, under a white hot spotlight, Amanda would know exactly what to say, what to do, but here on the worn out bench seat of a small town diner, Amanda found herself unmoored by all the attention Eddie was sending her way. “Oh, that’s like- I mean, I’m not-” she let her voice trail off, suddenly transfixed by something outside of the plate window. “Hey-” Eddie laid his hand, palm up, on the worn down table, his voice dropping to a whisper.  He’d said something to upset Amanda because she had taken those brilliant peepers away and that felt wrong on a primal level. “-Amanda?  Did I- uh, shit.  Did I do something, ya know, wrong?  Shit.” There was something in the defeated sound of Eddie’s expletive that brought her around.  She saw his open hand, still laying on the table and cautiously linked her fingers with his.  But she still could not meet his questioning look.  Twirling one of those big, heavy rings around his large and frankly, distracting fingers, Amanda finally huffed out a lungful of air. “I guess I should like, be honest here and tell you that I’ve never really done this.”  She motioned between the pair of them with her unoccupied hand as if that alone would explain her behavior. Eddie squeezed her fingers for a second, a trace of teasing in his tone when he asked, “Had dinner in a shitty diner?” Rolling her eyes skyward, she snorted out a small laugh, “No.  Well, kinda?  I mean, I haven’t really had a-” she let her eyes lock onto Eddie’s maple brown ones, holding him still, “-a date.  I, uh, never really had anyone, ya know, wanna take me out.  So, this is new.  For me, anyway.” Eddie could see what the admission cost her.  The once pleased smile now turned just a little pouty as her bottom lip puckered from the effort of opening herself up.  Her chest rose and fell rapidly as if she couldn’t keep the air inside her for too long, but perhaps the most telling was the way that Amanda’s hand clung tightly to Eddie’s. For a long second neither one of them said anything.  The kitchen crew could be heard, banging around pots and plates.  Another couple in a nearby booth was laughing loudly.  The radio was tuned to the oldies station so everyone could listen to Sam Cooke singing about Cupid. And when Amanda realized that Eddie wasn’t going to respond, she sat up, stiffer than before, readying to take her hand with her.  But Eddie closed his fist around her fingers, keeping his hold on her and tugging her gently forward, a pained pinch obvious in his voice, “Me either.” “What?” He closed his eyes and swallowed thickly, “I don’t date.  Uh, that often.”  Popping one eye open, just to see if Amanda was still with him, Eddie continued, “Um, I’ve got a bit of a, well, a reputation.  And for some reason, the ladies around here aren’t into that.” Shooting for levity, Eddie hoped to lighten the mood.  Moments like this, where he was on display emotionally, where he was open and vulnerable, made him nervous.  Anxious.  Twitchy.  It was fucking scary to be sitting here with this pretty bird and tell her how much of a disaster he really was with no bravado to use as armor.  And if Amanda wasn’t already heading for the hills, there was no way he would be able to stop her now. “It’s the van, isn’t it?  All the people you’ve attempted to kidnap, right?”  At her gentle jest, both of Eddie’s eyes popped open.  She was still there, sitting sweetly behind her melting shake, a tentative twist of her lips making it impossible for Eddie to stop imagining what kissing her would be like and he felt himself nodding with a hoarse giggle, relieved, “Yea.  That’s, uh, that’s it.  I’m just a creepy metal head with a super creepy van.” “You probably have candy too and uh, puppies?  For the luring of innocents?” “Of course.  What’s a kidnapper without his bait?”  “A weird guy with an empty van?”  And that absolutely shitty punchline was enough to send them both into a giggle fit, shattering any lingering tension created by being a touch too honest in the moment.  There would be a better time to talk about deep dark secrets and the reasons why two lonely people could find comfort in each other, but this wasn’t it. When Amanda pulled her hand back this time, Eddie let it go.  She used her napkin to dab under her eyes, clearing away the tears that laughing together had created.  Then she was dipping down to slurp at her creamy concoction, grinning, “This is so good!” “Right?  But, I gotta say, vanilla is-” “What?  What’s wrong with vanilla?”  Shaking his head with a laugh, Eddie raised his eyebrows, “Vanilla is kinda boring.” “It is not!”  Scalded by his choice of words, Amanda leaned over their shared table at the diner, motioning him closer.  When she was near enough for her now vanilla scented breath to skate across Eddie’s mouth, Amanda husked, “Vanilla is smoky.  Sweet.  It’s hard to grow, super hard to harvest and while there are many imitators out there.  Real vanilla.  The good stuff?  Well, that shit would rock your world.” Amanda, feeling bolder, pushed in tighter despite the formica between them, continuing in a hushed tone.  “And Eddie-” her voice dropped even lower, forcing him to concentrate on every word leaving her tenderly parted lips, lips that smelled like bourbon and sugar and cream.  Lips that Eddie wanted to taste so badly that he was sure he was going to go mad, right here in the goddamned diner, before their burgers ever made it to the table.  Lips that begged to be kissed stupid, carried on, unaware of his rising desire, “-never forget this: chocolate needs vanilla to taste so damn good!”  Sitting back, pleased as punch now that her point was made, Amanda slurped down another sip of her vanilla shake.  Eddie needed a minute.  Or seven.  He was still almost lying chest down on the booth’s table, having to cock his head up to look at the vanilla loving vixen gloating over him.  Spreading his broad hands over the tabletop, Eddie dramatically pushed himself back into his seat, eyeing Amanda warily, acting contrary for the fun of it.  “It’s a good story, kid.  But I’m still not convinced about vanilla’s superiority.  Maybe-”  He was pushing his luck, he knew it.  God, but he knew it only too well.  She’d admitted to being new to all this, inexperienced, but still, fortune favors the bold, isn’t that what some famous person had said once?  Amanda, unknowingly, waited for his follow-up, her mouth wrapped around the striped straw, her cheeks round and smiling, “Maybe?” Leaning onto one leather wrapped elbow, Eddie reclaimed the space at the center of their table, “Maybe I need to taste it again?” She’s confused.  Yea, definitely, confused.  So Amanda moved, ready to slide her icy half filled glass his way.  But Eddie shook his head slowly and waved her forward until their foreheads were almost pressed together.  That’s when he cupped her cheek, gently, softly and Amanda, powerless to stop her body, nuzzled into the warmth there. It felt natural.  Right.  Easy.  And there was no way that Amanda was going to deny herself this little bit of pleasure being offered so openly. If what Eddie had admitted was true, and the way his eyes had scrunched gave her a pretty good idea that it was, then he was in uncharted waters himself.  Something about that idea, that they were both in this raging waterfall of connection together made it safer somehow.  It made it easier to shut her own eyes and enjoy the calloused caresses of Eddie. Eddie slid his thumb over her plush bottom lip which parted without question, “Wanna taste you.  That alright, Mandy?” God, did she like being called Mandy.  She bobbed her head ‘yes’, her eyes shut from the want, already anticipating Eddie’s movements.  But he surprised her again, asking- no, telling, “Open your eyes, baby.  Please?” And only when Eddie could spy the blown open pupils of his dinner companion did he allow his mouth to surge forward.  His slightly chapped lips separated enough for his tongue to sweep across Amanda’s own and he was rewarded with a sultry sigh.  It made Eddie braver.  Bolder.  

Now he was intrepid in his search for the flavor of vanilla, teasing and taking a taste of every muggy corner of her mouth.  His tongue brushed against her own, the fresh flavor of vanilla sweetness everywhere.  Heady and exotic and exciting.  Amanda tipped her chin downward, ready to deepen this first kiss that arched over forgotten milkshakes and the paper napkins wrapping up their silverware, tentatively running the tip of her tongue over Eddie’s teeth.  Traces of chocolate and the syrupy sweet cherry from the top of his treat lingered on Eddie’s lips making Amanda hum harmonically.  Her fingers fisted into the collar of his flannel shirt, ensuring that Eddie couldn’t escape, at least, not without effort. But she wasn’t worried.  When his second hand molded to the curve of her other cheek, Amanda couldn’t avoid smiling, knowing that Eddie was as into this as she was.  As far as first kisses went, this one was ranking pretty high on the list of all time greats and both were reluctant to pull away first. “Ahem!  AHEM!  I have your order.” Two heads turned toward the intruding voice of the bored and bordering on disgusted server Doris but Eddie and Amanda didn’t jump apart like a couple of randy teens might have.  Oh no, Amanda leaned further into the cup of Eddie’s palm, offering their put upon server a small smile, dazed and almost drunkenly, “Hmm, thank you so much.” Eddie would have rather died than forfeit the pleasure of her trusting touch.  With his free left hand he reached for one of the two plates, “Here, lemme have that.” “Whatever.”  Without any further ceremony, Doris, because that’s what her name tag read, plopped both heavy ceramic dishes to the table, “Need anything else lovebirds?” Amanda lifted her head slowly, licking over her bee stung lips and nodded towards the pink cheeked shaggy headed boy still draped across their booth, “Uh, yea.  Could we have another vanilla shake, please?  It’s his favorite flavor.” Chuckling, Eddie let his broad thumb with the bitten down nail graze over the apple of her cheek, speaking to Doris but only looking at Amanda, “Two cherries, huh, Doris?” Rolling her elderly eyes, the waitress shook her head, “Right away.” Steam rolled off the two cheeseburger melts and stacks of seasoned french fries but they remained huddled as close at the table between them would allow.  Cocking his eyebrow, Eddie couldn’t help the teasing, “My favorite, huh?” “Oh yea.  You’re a convert now.” Settling back reluctantly, Eddie smirked your way, “Ever think that you’re my favorite flavor?” He was rewarded with a small kiss pressed to the inside of his wrist and what he realized was a trademark tilt of her head, “I told you that everything tastes better with vanilla, Eddie.” “Yea, you sure did.”  Biting into his burger, Eddie grinned through the grease on his face, sure he had never been happier in his short life.  And if the triumphant smirk Amanda flashed his way proved anything, she felt the exact same way.

— The second their empty plates had been cleared away, Eddie’s hand naturally kind of reached for Amanda’s, needy and greedy for the reassurance of touch.  Just as natural, Amanda slotted her fingers between his, “I gotta say, Eddie, that was a pretty amazing burger.” Pleased at the recognition, Eddie squeezed her digits for a second, “Thanks for trusting me.”  And then he seemed to realize the full implication of his statement.  Thanks for trusting him on the drive over.  Thanks for trusting his judgment about the restaurant and not just his menu choices.  Thanks for trusting his intentions. Her eyes rounded at the sentiment, giving Eddie a flash of sympathy before leaning into a flirty smile, “I had to.  You did pinky promise me that there would be no funny business and that’s ironclad.  At least, that’s what I’ve been led to believe.” “God, you remember everything, huh?”  But he sounded impressed.  Happy that she hadn’t lingered on his more revealing comment. Nodding, Amanda agreed, “Yea, I mean, I kinda have an ear and it’s always been easy for me to memorize stuff.  Lyrics, melodies, lines from movies-” Leaning forward again, engaged and interested, Eddie licked over his bottom lip, “No shit?” “No shit!” Eddie couldn’t help it.  He let his eyes roam over the pretty face in front of him, etching all of the details into his own memory, vowing never to forget the greasy sweet shine of her lips around the red striped straw or how she folded her disposable napkin up primly before laying it across her dinner plate.  The way Amanda’s hand felt so right in his and how her mouth tasted like vanilla ice cream with a trace amount of menthol throat drop lingering along her teeth. Eddie needed to remember it all for later.  For tonight when he went back to his trailer, like a gentleman.  For tomorrow or the day after or the day after that.  For all the days that would spread between this time together and the next time Eddie would be able to see her.  He was going to live off the sound of Amanda’s begrudging laugh when he made a joke that was funnier than it had any real right to be.  He planned to survive on the nourishment of her sugared sighs when those perfect, plump and pouty lips had welcomed Eddie’s own.  It was food for his soul.  Essential for life like oxygen or water. “Uh, Eddie?”  Amanda’s quiet question yanked him out of his own head and back into the present moment. He tugged the forward chunk of his hair between his long fingers, embarrassed at being caught, “Hmm?”  “You’re, uh, staring.” “Yea.  Sorry about that.  It’s just-” “Do I have something on my face?”  Panicked, Amanda patted at her cheeks to find the non-existent stain. And how could he help himself?  “Oh, yup.  A little higher.  No, lower- uh, nope, other side.  It’s right there-” he directed her wildly, pointing at the corner of his mouth to watch Amanda lick the same spot of her own, “-almost.  How do you keep missing it?” “You little shit!”  It was suddenly crystal clear that Eddie was full on fucking with her.  There never had been anything on her face. “What?  You got it.  Just now.”  Eddie’s impish grin made it impossible for Amanda to be truly mad so she settled for shooting him a playfully spiteful glare, “Uh huh.  Yea, sure.” His thumb rubbed along the side of her pointer finger, the gentle drag a grounding reminder of Eddie’s unwavering presence.  Amanda rested her chin against the flat of her right palm before sighing deeply, “What am I gonna do with you, Eddie?” Reflexively, re-actively, he answered, “Whatever you want, baby.” It was Amanda’s turn to stare.  There was an open honesty in the hot coffee color of Eddie’s eyes that hooked her right through the heart and tugged like a caught fish on a rusty lure.  He was being serious, there was no denying it. Around them the air shifted.  It was no longer funny.  It was no longer polite. The world narrowed once more, big enough for only the two of them and the dingy diner booth where they sat as everything else fell away. Her throat tightened and a lick of heated flame unfurled through her belly.  Words flooded her thoughts but Amanda couldn’t seem to settle on the ones that would say what she wanted desperately to express.  Eddie’s seemingly simple declaration had untethered her. Because it was too soon to speak with such clarity of purpose.  Too early for the implication of more to be made.  And yet, for the first time, Amanda saw the ghostly shape of possibility in the earnest expression Eddie wore. There was a promise there, stronger than one created when two little fingers linked, and something about that was spooky.  Scary.  Only, Amanda didn’t feel frightened like she thought she should, shrugging smoothly, “I- I wanna stay with you.” That was her truth, in the singular sparkling now.  Leaving Eddie, even for the comfort of home, was a thought so daunting, so disruptive, that she was actively moving against it.  Everything in Amanda Patterson said ‘stay’.  Eddie’s head bobbed in understanding.  He had no intention of letting the night end so early and without any plan in place for a follow-up rendezvous.  At Amanda’s declaration, he’d changed the grip of her hand, turning it so that their palms touched, textured heat melding together.  

He’d be lying if he denied the libidinous way his blood shot south at the whispered want in Amanda’s voice.  He was a young and virile guy, after all.  But Eddie wasn’t thinking with his dick when he said, “I don’t wanna let you go, Mandy.”

“Am I-” pausing to catch her breath, Amanda started again, “-are we crazy?” “I uh, I don’t think so.”  Conspiratorially, Amanda huffed, “Then what do we do now, Eddie?” His free hand brushed through his curls roughly before landing on the back of his neck, “Let me take you home?” It was a question born of chivalry and Amanda agreed with a thin, “Yes, please.” Eddie stood up first, somehow managing to keep her hand in his as he slipped out of the booth smoothly.  Once he was on his feet, he tugged lightly, bringing Amanda to the edge of the bench before offering his arm.  She watched as Eddie threw some loose bills on the table and then he was leading her outside of the bacon scented diner and onto the sidewalk. She floated at his side, the swaying of her skirt brushing against the stiff denim of Eddie’s jeans.  What had been an appropriate outfit for the early evening was now a bit too thin and he saw her shiver under the bright and clear Indiana sky.  Popping open the van’s door, he saw her settled inside and as she buckled her seatbelt, Eddie shrugged off his leather jacket, “Here.  Snuggle up under this, yea?” Gripping the body warm coat with greedy fingers, Amanda clutched it to her chest, humming her thanks.  He watched as she spread it over herself, nudging the collar with her nose, “Oh man, it smells like you!” “Cigarettes and bad decisions?” “Nope.”  Inhaling deeply, she thought for a minute, “Cologne?  Aqua Velva, like my granddad wears and uh, Green Apple shampoo?”  She couldn’t hide the surprised way her eyes widened or the knowing little smirk her mouth made at this discovery. “What?  I think it smells good.”  Lingering in the space between inside the van with Amanda and outside on the sidewalk, Eddie’s arms leaned into the rusted metal frame, effectively caging her in the seat. Not that she minded when every time he stretched his flannel shirt rode up just enough for an alabaster white slice of belly to peek over the waistband of his jeans.  She had already noticed splashes of black ink over each hip but couldn’t be sure of its shape.  His forearms were on display, the strong veins of his wrists visible under the artfully stained skin, and Amanda let her mind wander at the idea of what Eddie looked like under all that cotton and cloth. Amanda swallowed thickly.  She was very aware of the protective bubble Eddie had built around her, here in the cab of his vehicle.  The scent of him.  The sight.  It was a feast for the senses. And now all she wanted was to taste the plush and pillowy softness of his lips.  Lips that were moving, saying something but her mind had gone over into staticy silver.  She couldn’t help it.  Not when he was standing with his trim waist nearly at eye level, the belt of his jeans drawing them low on his hips.  “Huh?” That grin.  Broad and toothy, spread smugly over his face, “Uh, did I lose you for a second?” “Hmm, yea.  Kinda.  Sorry, what were you saying?” “I was saying, I don’t want to say goodnight, at least-” he raised a hand to her cheek, brushing the calloused pad of his thumb across her smooth skin, “-not so soon.” Having already melted into his touch, hoarse and throaty, she agreed, “Yea, no, me either.” “Yea?  So, if you’re up for a little adventure, I may have an idea.” Amanda lifted an eyebrow, questioning the boy before her with a sarcastic thread to her words,  “An adventure?” “Don’t worry, babe.  I'll make sure to get you there and back again.”  His pinkie finger was wiggling, just waiting for Amanda to link them together in a silent show of trust. —

Thanks for reading!  Part 2 is coming soon!

Want to read more?  Check out my Masterlist here!

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“An Immortal’s Absence, Three Centuries Hence” by Musuli - promo

So, why should you read Shangxian?

At first glance, 《不见上仙三百年》 - “An Immortal’s Absence, Three Centuries Hence” (shortened to Shangxian for convenience) by 木苏里 - Musuli, seems a par-for-the-course xianxia danmei featuring a love affair between a demon and an immortal with karmic entanglements. It’s a classic set-up, and likers of the xianxia genre won’t need any more convincing than that to read it—It does hit the familiar notes of complicated pasts, forbidden relationships, and fighting against forces of fate.

However, this is Musuli we’re talking about; Shangxian is a xianxia that plays into her wheelhouse. It is a xianxia that, despite being—and I cannot emphasize this enough—grand in scale and narrative ambition, coalesces around intimacy and interiority. So it doesn’t make sense to talk about all the plot devices to try and sell this thing. It’s all about the emotions.

Considering her previous work, 《判官》 - “Panguan,” one can see the thematic thoroughfares Musuli has been investigating through her recent work: In the xuanhuan novel Panguan, the main characters are essentially metaphysical therapists; in that world, when a person’s feelings and regrets are too heavy and hard to face, they form “cages” that entrap both the originator of the feelings as well as anyone unlucky enough to stumble upon them. The titular “panguan” of the story dissolve these cages and set free all those entrapped within.

In Shangxian, we don’t have quite the same set-up, but the core of the novel—all the arcs in the beginning along with the main arcs they orbit—deal with the same sort of stuff: The helpless prisons characters build for themselves out of grief and remorse, and the necessity of having people who can lend a hand to pull them out. The xianxia setting operates by amplifying the interiority of regret to an epic scale.

Hence, we see the theme of destructive grief and remorse echoed in Shangxian’s very worldbuilding—In the beginning, we’re introduced to a world devastated, a world in which foul demons—humans who have been corrupted by taking the wrong path and harming too many people—have depleted the population and run rampant. Most of the foul demons we meet, however, are forged of tragedy surrounding a kernel of love and attachment; they harbor intense self-revulsion for having fallen to their current state—which in turn fuels their so-called “calamity periods,” when the souls of those they’ve killed backlash, forcing them to kill even more to suppress the resultant pain and cold (which then worsens their next calamity period).

Vast swaths of plot are devoted to characters carrying regrets for having been unable to stop such vicious cycles, and attempting to reverse their actions through even more destructive means.

The main characters are thus tasked with undoing the damage of these cycles, and of ultimately overturning the mechanism driving them. Because when the system is rotten, to punish individuals for their destructive actions is little more than drinking poison to quench thirst.

All the while, Wu Xingxue and Xiao Fuxuan must confront their own regrets and past entanglements.

Speaking of the main characters (art from manhua, edits done by Vid):

Wu Xingxue, the shou, is an extrovert who loves the hustle and bustle of the world, loves to tease and laugh and gossip. He tends to wear silver-filigreed white clothing, with a liking for white jade and opera. He is also the demon among the two.

Xiao Fuxuan, on the other hand, has a subdued temperament, and is usually seen wearing matte black clothing, with three funeral nails driven through his ear—rather grave for an immortal. But like his name (萧 - desolate, 复暄 - redoubled warmth), he is cold on the outside but warm within. He’s regarded as a quiet, solitary soul, but always makes exceptions to snark back at his husband a certain demon.

(He is so soft. So soft. He lies to Wu Xingxue a lot, but only because he loves him. The archetypal comfort gong.)

There is also a wonderful side cast of two fourteen gremlin children, a virtuous scholar, a severely fucked up family, and a tragic side pairing who will squeeze your heart with their missed chances.

If you love themes of grief—grief for one’s past self, grief for those one has lost, grief for a better world—and love and connection as balms for that grief, you’ll love Shangxian.

*****

For access to my completed translation, I require proof of payment of the original. To get access to the folder, please send me a (non-anonymous) ask or DM with 1) a screenshot of your recent spending record on jjwxc, AND, 2) your fandom/burner email (please do not send me an email address with your irl name, and please make sure it is a gmail account so that it is compatible with the invite/access system). For details, see the intro document for my translation.

Original novel on jjwxc

I am also translating the ongoing Shangxian manhua, with help from Vid (cyanoty on tumblr), Xuan (xuqnji on tumblr), and Jane (@chaosblessings on twitter) for cleaning and typesetting. Translations are currently in the same large gfolder as the novel.

Tagged by @howiehamlin

What book are you currently reading? Angels and Demons by Dan Brown

What's your favourite movie you saw in theatres this year? DID I EVEN GO TO THE CINEMA THIS YEAR?????????

What do you usually wear? T-shirt and shorts if I'm at home or jeans if I'm going out.

How tall are you? 148 cm

What's your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event? Uh...idk how historical this is, but Roman James released his remake of Take Me to the Grave on my birthday, and then a year after that, Blacklite District, the person the remake is from, released his album You're Welcome.

Do you go by your name or a nickname? Name.

Did you grow up what you wanted to be when you were a child? Not EXACTLY, but it's very close, and I'm happy. I used to want to be a neurologist. But then I realised, I don't actually want to practise medicine. I want to KEEP STUDYING it. So now I'm gonna study biomedical science (waiting for exam results so I can apply). I'm happy; I still get to do medicine, where my heart's always been ♥️

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one? Do y'all have any idea how many fictional characters I'm married to in my head?

What's something you're good at vs something you're bad at? I'm good at writing but I'm bad at drawing.

Dogs or cats? DOGS!!!!!!!! DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what's your favourite picture/favourite line/favourite etc. from something you created this year? SHAMELESS SELF PROMO:

EVERY BIT OF THIS!!!!!!!!! IT WAS IN THE MAKING SINCE LAST YEAR, AND I FINALLY MADE IT OUT!!!!!!!! I'M SO EXCITED FOR IT STILL!!!!!!!!!

What's something you would like to create content for? Everything I already do and more

What's something you're currently obsessed with?

What's something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year? Just a few hours ago, I tried doing something nice for my parents and they fuckING OBJECTED :')

What's a hidden talent of yours? Okay, I don't know why, but people assume I'm not good at playing video games. Like... 🌚

Are you religious? I would like to say no, but sometimes, I can get quite...caught up in it.

What's something you wish to have at this moment? I hope I can sleep and not be woken up by fireworks

Tagging @adamdropp @addictedtostorytelling @agentkalgibbs @ani-seven-shots @asher-in-the-south @blownawcy @bishops-severed-torso @earthspirit10 @fandomismymiddlename @figsr @hamfie @hollygl125 @mcliancraft @mystery-meat-with-cheese @sahl0-f0l1na @space-helen @therogerclarkfanclub @trekkitkat

hey shit i’m moderately low activity right now but LIKE/REBLOG if you’d like to interact with the absolute BEST BOY amajiki tamaki...

♥️ Recently Read Fics - February 2022 ♥️

These are all the amazing fics I read over the past month (from shortest to longest). Don’t forget to leave kudos and comments to show the authors your appreciation if you read any of these! 💗

♥️ what’s that sound by @onlyfor-thegays (485, NR)

An omega freaking out the first time they hear an alpha purr because they were raised by and around betas and omegas. They had never heard it before and they freaked out thinking their alpha was hurt.

♥️ The Phantom Heart by @haztobegood (500, NR)

Harry notices the small stain at the edge of fabric. She scrapes her nail across the mark. It won’t come off. A smudge of crusted paint forever staining the threads baby pink with a bittersweet memory.

♥️ Thunder and Rain by @neondiamond (628, G, yes this one is mine, but we love a bit of self-promo in this house)

There’s a storm outside and Louis can’t find the puppies. Luckily, Harry’s there.

♥️ let me show you by @thestylinsons (1k, T)

After three rounds and several empty bottles, Louis is feeling a bit tipsy and everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves. Niall has just finished his turn, “Never have I ever got a tattoo”, to which everyone else groans and reluctantly drinks. Louis laughs to himself because he remembers the time he swore he’d never get a tattoo, and now he’s got an arm full. At this point, the alcohol slides down Louis’ throat like honey.

“Tommo, it’s your turn now.” He hums and looks around the room. Niall’s staring at him, giddy off the high of his last turn. Harry’s got both hands around his drink now, the label torn to pieces on the floor. Zayn and Liam are next to each other, and Louis remembers Zayn telling everyone something that happened a few months ago.

Or, everyone plays 'Never Have I Ever', and Louis discovers something about himself.

♥️ Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now by @allwaswell16 (1k, NR)

Louis is having a personal crisis, a third Valentine's Day being single. Unless he meets someone this week at the high end department store he works at, he'll be stuck going to Niall's Valentine's Day party--again.

Or the one where Harry mistakes Louis for a mannequin.

♥️ forever&more by @solitudeandchaos (1k, G)

Harry hands the envelope over to her and watches her throw it into the bin full of letters.

“Are you sure it’ll get to New Zealand in time?”

“It should but it’s hard to tell with Covid.”

Harry bit his lip worriedly, nodded and tapped his phone against the card machine to pay.

or

it's valentine's day. harry and louis haven't seen each other in two and a half months, they swap valentine's day cards from eleven thousand miles apart.

♥️ as long as there’s us by @hershelsue (2k, G)

Harry and Zayn discuss what to do for Valentine's Day. It doesn't really matter.

♥️ Happy Valentine’s Day, You Cockroach by @allwaswell16 (2k, NR)

Harry Styles, new director of the Milltown Zoo, has a great idea for a Valentine's Day themed fundraiser. For a donation, they'll name cockroaches after people's exes and then feed them to the meerkats on a live stream. He just didn't foresee how many cockroaches would end up with his name...

♥️ you (lost and lonely) by @hershelsue (2k, E)

Harry and Louis have a couple of days together before Louis goes on tour. Sometimes, however, dysphoria hits Harry harder than he can handle. Louis makes it alright.

♥️ Lips of an Angel by @beelou (2k, G)

And Louis can’t believe what he’s seeing. A man, cuddling with a grown bear. Literally rubbing its belly like a contented puppy. He can hear baby talk coming out of the man’s mouth too. Louis rubs his eyes to see if this is actual real life, but when he uncovers them, the sight before him is still there. He didn’t think that when he took his siblings to the zoo that they would see something as odd as this.

♥️ Sleepy Nouis series by @ladyaj-13 (2k, T)

A collection of unrelated Niall and Louis stories where for whatever reason, they end up in bed together.

♥️ take me home (forever and ever) by @twoghostsdancin (2k, T)

As he grips the counter tightly with his sweaty palms, the cashier gives him a concerned glance, an eyebrow angling in confusion. Louis is sure he’s saying something, but he can’t hear a single thing coming out of his mouth. It’s like someone just turned off all his senses, and all he can hear in his ears is a faint ringing sound. He staggers backward, his mind swirling, and his breaths shallow until he feels himself fall into a strong grip.

The world goes black.

Or. The first time Louis falls, Harry catches him. The second time he falls, it’s for Harry.

♥️ At Last by @juliusschmidt (3k, T)

That’s when Louis sees it, scrawled in the corner: let’s do valentine’s.

There’s a few more notes after that, a place and a number, but Louis can’t process them in that moment.

His heart pounds and his head spins. Zayn wants to spend Valentine’s Day… with Louis. Louis’d spent so much time equivocating about whether or not to ask Zayn on a date that Zayn had beat him to it.

♥️ Gonna Dress You Up In My Love by @fallinglikethis (3k, T)

Harry decides to take up knitting. He's horrible at it.

Louis wears everything anyway.

♥️ I Can Be Your Vice by @littleroverlouis (3k, E)

It could be his innate flight or fight instincts kicking in. His predator is closing in and he is the prey. Fear would be a rational response.

After all, there is a centuries old vampire standing directly behind him.

“You’re ahead of schedule, Louis.”

Or Harry and Louis are FWBB (friends with bloodsucking benefits)

♥️ I'll do anything you say (If you say it with your hands) by @harrystomlinson (3k, G)

"What d'ya say curly?" Louis raises his eyebrow, mischievous smile playing on his lips.

"I'll do anything you say." Harry's voice comes out breathy, eyes widening when he realised what he'd said.

Louis doesn't reply- only takes his hand and pulls him in.

♥️ Make Your Mark by @ladyaj-13 (3k, T)

When one of Liam's classmates isn't getting the hint that he's not interested, Louis suggests they make him look unavailable.

♥️ Been Waitin’ (After Weekend After Weekend After) by @absoloutenonsense (3k, T)

Louis and Harry meet at a laundromat.

♥️ Validation by @lululawrence (3k, NR)

“Hey, how are you?” Harry asked. He’d found that sometimes just a smile and a kind face was all that was needed to brighten someone’s day.

“Oh, uhm. I’m alright. Can you validate me? »

Harry chuckled inwardly, but decided to go ahead and take him literally.

Or the one where Harry worked in a parking garage and he totally didn’t mean for this, the whole validation of people as well as their parking tickets, to become a thing. It just kinda...did.

♥️ Somersault by @sun-lt (4k, G)

“Got you something,” Louis whispers eventually.

Something in Harry’s stomach fizzes; the idea of presents—especially surprise ones—has never failed to evoke somersault excitement in his belly. And though he never has any expectations, it’s certainly not uncommon for Louis to spoil him like this when he knows Harry’s had a rubbish sort of day.

Louis gets Harry presents. Harry’s contemplating getting Louis a ring.

♥️ in the shallow water, you can swim around me (i won’t mind) by @non-binharry (4k, E)

“What’s got you all worked up this morning, princess?”

Louis tickles up Harry's ribs and Harry squirms, slapping his hands away.

"Your little footie players are in here giving their mummy hell this morning." Harry explains. “I could barely sleep so I had a little bath. I thought it was only fair that you give me a hand to lotion myself up.”

“And just where do you want me to rub you down, my love?” Louis asks, an amused lilt to his question. Harry knows that Louis had already figured out exactly what he was really getting at, too embarrassed to flat out say he was horny at 8 o’clock on a Thursday morning. Harry’s libido was going haywire in his final trimester, and while Louis was never going to refuse pulling his cock out to give his baby exactly what he wanted, Harry felt undignified over the reality that he could barely function these days if he didn’t do something first to relieve the aching pressure building just beneath the surface.

“Hmm,” Harry says, tapping his chin, “I think I want you to start… here.”

♥️ Click by @allwaswell16 (5k, E)

When Louis got assigned a roommate, he wasn’t exactly thrilled, but as far as roommates go Marcel was a pretty good one. That was until Marcel started clicking a counter everywhere he went...

♥️ baby I’ll never leave (if you keep holding me this way) by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed (6k, T)

His fingers curl around the first thing he can find that would be suitable as a weapon, an umbrella that has a rather impressive looking metal pin at the end. He holds it in front of him the way he imagines people hold a sword, tiptoeing through his living room until he can find whoever’s in his kitchen. He briefly considers calling 999, figures that if someone’s trying to burgle him, he should probably not be a hero and actually rely on professionals to arrest them, but he’s never been the type to sit back and wait, and -- is that singing?

It is singing. Whoever is trying to rob him is in his kitchen, singing an eighties pop song under their breath.

And they made cookies?

♥️ you bring me home by @solvetheminourdreams (6k, G)

OTRA Melbourne — 14th of February, 2015

It's Valentine's day. It's Valentine's day and Harry's annoyed, because instead of spending the night with his boyfriend after a day packed with promo and a show—he can't find him anywhere.

Or the one where the boys trash a dressing room, Liam and Zayn just want a gift wrapped, Niall's life is in peril, Louis is MIA, and Harry's just a tad frustrated.

Did he mention it's Valentine's day?

♥️ Kiss Me Again, You Fool by @wabadabadaba (6k, E)

“Louis, you’re cuter than a button. Will you be my valentine? Hm, no,” Marcel scowls. “It is true but no. ‘I love you a latte!’ But wait, does he drink coffee? Only sometimes so that doesn’t make sense.”

Marcel sticks his tongue out as he ices three more cookies.

“I go bananas for you,” Marcel giggles. “That’s cute, but not sophisticated enough. He’s the best designer on our floor, he deserves something better. ‘Right from the start, you stole my heart?’ No, I don’t want to scare him off. I should probably just speak from the heart, that’s always what mom says. But then Gemma says that’s lame, I don’t knooow,” Marcel groans.

or the one where Marcel has a huge crush on his coworker, Louis, and decides Valentine's Day is the day to put himself out there.

♥️ Where Love Grows by @neondiamond (6k, T, more shameless self-promo)

When his husband leaves without warning only weeks after the birth of their first child, a struggling Harry is forced to move in with a work colleague and raise his newborn in the desolate, dreary outskirts of London. There, within the walls of a shitty apartment complex, he meets Louis Tomlinson, fellow struggling parent and hopeless romantic.

♥️ young hearts on the chase by @polaroidlouis (7k, G)

Before he can question him any further, Harry’s holding out a drink to him, ‘Louis’ written on the side of it with messy, pink letters. Warmth spreads all throughout Louis’ body when he takes it, starting from the tip of his fingers where they brush Harry’s to curl around the cup and settling in his chest.

“I also got us– um,” the omega starts, nervous fingers fumbling to get the paper bag open. “Got you an egg muffin. Or– or a normal muffin if you don’t like egg ones.”

“Who doesn’t like egg muffins?”

The smile that breaks across Harry’s face in response is as bright as the one yesterday. Louis almost expects it to be kissed into his cheek as well. It looks like Harry’s considering it for a moment, too, dreamy gaze gliding all over Louis’ expectant face. He seems to decide against it with a sigh though, and Louis’ not disappointed when they start walking side by side instead (he’s not).

harry’s a hopeless romantic, louis’ oblivious, and it’s going to be Valentine’s Day.

♥️ in comes the rain by @starlitlou (7k, M)

Louis glared down at the calendar notification on his phone, as if by the power of his gaze alone, he could make time skip forward. He just really did not want to deal with this.

Stupid fucking heat. Stupid fucking biology.

He knew it was dumb how worked up he got about it. It was far from his first time having to deal with it and it would be far from his last. And yet.

-

Being ace and an omega had never been Louis' favourite combination. Even less so when his heat is involved. Unfortunately, it's not something he can avoid forever. Harry makes it all a bit better.

♥️ With You Here, It’s Better by @chloehl10 (11k, M)

Louis hates Valentine's Day, especially since he's found himself suddenly single yet again.

When he stumbles upon his ex in the pub cavorting with his new boyfriend, Louis has had enough. He doesn't, however, expect a tall, curly haired stranger to come and turn his night around...

♥️ It’s Been Ages by @2tiedships2 (13k, NR)

“We need to talk,” Niall said as he plopped down on Louis’ bed. “It’s you and Harry. You like him, he likes you, it’s a match made in heaven and you will one day be mates,”

Louis shook his head in exasperation. “If you’ve been watching, you would see that Harry is interested in, like, alpha alphas. Not me.”

“What the fuck is an alpha alpha?” Niall asked with furrowed brows.

“You know what I mean,” Louis said, giving Niall a pointed look.

“I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.”

♥️ two sugars by @sun-lt (21k, T)

Louis rushes away to the kitchen, waving distractedly, and as his and Niall’s voices rise in a muffled squabble, Harry commits his first ever act of theft.

Louis’ blanket, emerald polar fleece still heated from his body, soaked in the mountain lake notes of Louis’ scent and the sugary aroma of the café, fits easily beneath his parka. Harry’s heart pounds like he’s run a marathon and his tea—perfectly sweet—burns as it splashes on his cheeks and chin, his trembling fingers failing to control the tilt of the paper cup.

-

Lonely and anxious in a new city and a new job, obsessed with preparing for a picture-perfect future he can’t actually picture, Harry begins to nest but can’t allow himself to indulge enough to satisfy the bone-deep, instinctual urge. Louis works in a café with a yellow door, has an extensive collection of soft sweaters, and keeps offering Harry books and pastries.

♥️ With A Little Kindness by @jacaranda-bloom (33k, E)

The man lays his hand on Harry’s forearm and Harry looks up as the stranger leans in. “I just wanted to say,” he whispers. “Can I cover your bill? I’m a big believer in paying it forward and I can see you’re struggling. It’s none of my business, of course, but I’d really like to help.”

OR the one where Harry is a struggling single parent who doesn’t have time for relationships and Louis is a generous stranger who is unlucky in love, until fate decides to step in and bring them together.

♥️ Bring It Back That Old Feeling by @all-these-larrythings (57k, M)

After six years together, Harry thought there wasn’t anything that he didn’t know about his husband, and no problem they couldn’t solve with a kiss and a snuggle. After a painful year of booze and heartache, he realizes some problems are much harder to fix, but the wait is always worth it.

bob fic recs galore

here’s the fruits of my labour. a working fic rec master-post containing multiple bob ships and many, many amazing fics. the writers in this fandom are absolutely incredible and their talent astounds me every time I read a new fic. all the kudos to y’all. keep on keeping on!

this is a long post. recs and some general notes are under the cut :)

(04/13/21) I’ll do my best to keep this list updated... or I’ll make a part 2 depending on length. if anyone has any recs that are not already listed in this post, please please message me! this is no way an exhaustive list and I’m sure I missed some fantastic fics out there - to get started I mostly just plucked from my bookmarks. I’d be happy to add on new fics for ANY pairing, rare-pairs included. I don’t really have much for rare-pairs in this rec because I haven’t read much yet but that will change soon when I have some more time on my hands to get into them  :)

if you are an author on this list and you would like your work removed from it, please just message me. no explanation necessary I will take it off asap.

I’ll make the disclaimer that while I tried to include some general information about each fic, I did not include tags/warnings. so if you choose a fic, read the tags and proceed at your own discretion.

 @capsparkyspeirs   you’re a lovely human being and this is probably not what you were imagining when I said I’d be happy to rec some fics for you. I admit it got a little out of hand but there’s so many great fics out there I couldn’t stand to choose just a couple to send your way... so you get them all! you inspired me to do this, so this is for you and anyone else who wants to read some great fics but doesn’t know where to start <3

WINNIX (RICHARD WINTERS/LEWIS NIXON)

Long Ago and Far Away (Canon Winnix) by churchkey (Series) Rated T-E / Canon Era / 18013 Words (Total) / 4 Parts / Not Complete

Summary: “A few scenes exploring how Dick and Lew became the timeless cosmic lovers they were born to be.“

*Each part can be read as a stand-alone!

It Happened One Night by raquelelpillo Rated M / Groundhog Day AU / 7704 Words / Complete

Summary: “ Nixon gets the chance to do the day before the big jump over and over and over (or, Every Fandom Needs Groundhog's Day Fic).”

Finding Our Way in the Dark by rilla Rated E / Canon Era / Soulmate AU / 8477 Words / Complete

Summary: “After Dick and Lew share their first kiss in Austria, they open their eyes to find a golden thread binding their wrists together.“

Mutual by miss_grey Rated G / Canon Era / 2105 Words / Complete

Summary: “Dick couldn’t help wondering to himself when exactly Nix had decided that Dick’s personal space had become their mutual space.“

Let Me Be Close by armyofbees  Rated G / Canon Era (Post-War) / 8679 Words / Complete

Summary: “Five things Nix loves about Dick, and one thing Dick loves about Nix.Or,The thing about Nix, Dick is beginning to learn, is that he doesn’t love in halves. Nix loves with everything in him, and sometimes that means moving to the middle of nowhere in Pennsylvania for Dick. Sometimes it means making spaghetti with him because Dick came to New Jersey and planted tomatoes, of all things. Sometimes it means telling without saying.”

Let’s Start the New Year Right by slightlytookish Rated G / Canon Era (Post-War) / 10523 Words / Complete

Summary: “Nix had always been able to pick Dick out of a crowd, even when he was lying on his belly in the dirt two hundred yards away, squinting through binoculars at an entire company of men wearing identical uniforms. It was easier to spot him in the crush of people inside Penn Station, even out of the familiar uniform: the same tall figure, the same bright hair, the same way he always seemed to find Nix just as easily and turn towards him, like an arrow on a compass.”

Lancaster County by raquelelpillo Rated T / AU / 31500 Words / 17 Chapters / Complete

Summary: “Nix is born later. Dick is there. (AU). Set in the summer of 1942 in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.”

**It is part of a series with the other works being small ‘extras’ set through the story. This is the main work. It ends a bit ambiguously.

SPEIRTON (RONALD SPEIRS/CARWOOD LIPTON)

The Desolate House by Howling_Harpy Rated E / Canon Era (Post-War) / 26672 Words / Complete

Summary: “It's been fifteen years since Carwood has last seen or spoken to Speirs when they reunite suddenly at an Easy Company reunion and have both recently relocated back to the US. Carwood has promised to his mother to finish packing and cleaning the family's boarding house that's about to be put up for sale, and on a whim invites Speirs to help him. He didn't expect him to actually show up.”

and you on my mind by seabright Rated E / Canon Era (Post-War) / 11081 Words / Complete

Summary: “’You say that you don’t want any of Easy to know that you’re in Boston but you give me your address.’  Following a relationship through the end of the war and beyond.”

Of Soldiers and Secrets by nanuk_dain Rated E / Canon Era / 62988 Words / 26 Chapters / Complete

Summary: “A series of moments in the life of the Easy men, from Foy until after the war, focussing on the development of the relationship of Carwood Lipton and Ronald Speirs.”

Erasure by Howling_Harpy Rated M / Canon Era (Post-War) / 15255 Words / Complete

Summary: “Carwood takes time off from work to visit his mother to get away from his lonely life in Boston. Ron is deployed to Korea and has been for a long while, and after spending a year alone and even longer lying to everyone, Carwood is not sure he wants to live like this anymore.”

Fluences by masongirl (Series) Rated T-M / Canon Era / Soulmates AU / 12818 Words (Total) / 5 Works / Complete

Summary: “ Soulmate AU in which soulmates can sense each other's emotions if they are close enough.”

**Mainly Speirton centric. Part 2 is Winnix & Part 3 is Shifty/Tab.

A Thousand Kisses by Arwen88 Rated T / Canon Era / 1993 Words / Complete

Summary: “ A late night in Hardigny brings Carwood to the room where Ron is dealing with paperwork, but even with a comfortable bed, he can’t find his peace. Late night chats have Ron showing a side of himself that Carwood had not expected.”

stop the world by languageofthebirds Rated T / Canon Era / 3001 Words / Complete

Summary: “The way his hair fell in mussed waves over his forehead made Carwood want to reach out and run his fingers through it. He was sin personified, in that moment.”

**Did I throw in a shameless self promo? Sure did.

WEBGOTT (JOSEPH LIEBGOTT/DAVID WEBSTER)

rivers always reach the sea by bitchbutter (Series) Rated E / Canon Era / 40790 Words (Total) / 2 Works / Not Complete / Last Updated March 17, 2021

Part 1 Summary: “Joe breaks things off with Web in Austria. Of course, nothing with them is ever that simple.“

Part 2 Summary: “The end of the war could be the end of a lot of things. If Joe could let it be.“

if i know you at all, i know you’ve gone too far by starblessed Rated T / Canon Era / 2654 Words / Complete

Summary: “How many stars d’you think there are, Web?” Joe asks after a moment.David has no damned clue. “A lot,” he answers confidently. “Millions.”“Millions,” echoes Joe. The glittering stars are reflected in his eyes, like black pits sending each beam of light back outward. It’s almost hypnotizing, the way they flicker. If he stares too long, David knows he will get lost in them...  and that doesn't seem like the worst way to go.”

Teller of Tales; Song of Songs by thedastardly Rated E / Canon Era (Post War) / 8352 Words / Complete

Summary: “He hopes that he dreams about the mountaintop tonight. He isn’t in the mood to dream of the water, the shore, the everything after, again.”

the only noise beating out is ours by lakehymn Rated M / Canon Era (Post-War) / 3470 Words / Complete

Summary: “Over the next couple weeks, Webster realizes that Liebgott has effortlessly invaded every corner of his life. Even on the days when he barely sees Liebgott at all, he can always find comic books or packs of cigarettes lying around somewhere. It’s almost disconcerting how ordinary it’s beginning to feel to stumble upon someone else’s belongings in his own house.”

push and pull by LT_Aldo_Raine

Rated T / Modern AU / 4115 Words / Complete

Summary: ““got hands like an ocean, push you out, pull you back in” And David Webster never could resist the ocean. OR: Webster snorted, a sardonic sound that echoed across the hotel room. “You don’t know the first thing about what I need.””

hang in there, baby by rilla Rated M / Modern AU / 3116 Words / Complete

Summary: “Written for the Kisstober prompt 'upside down Spiderman kisses'. '“I don’t know what I was expecting when I asked you what your top fantasy is,” Web says, “but it wasn’t this."'”

In His Wildest Dreams by Impala_Chick Rated E / Canon Era / Dream Sharing AU / 3891 Words / Complete

Summary: “While David is in the hospital, he starts sharing dreams with Liebgott.“

Black Ink on Some Blue Lines by thelastfig Rated E / Canon Era & Post War / 10185 Words / Complete

Summary: “It’s been sixteen years since the letter was written, but it never found its way to the one it was intended for. The thing about secrets is they eat away at you, not all at once but slowly over the years, and you begin to wonder, to play out the what if scenarios in your mind. Instead, David buried it away and pretended like it never existed. He should have killed it, he thinks to himself, not buried it while it still had breath in its lungs. In which David remembers his evolving relationship with Joe over the course of the war and decides to deliver a letter.”

LUZTOYE (GEORGE LUZ/JOSEPH TOYE)

The best laid plans by masongirl (Series) Rated G-E / Modern AU / 52652 Words (Total) / 15 Parts / Complete

Summary: “Modern AU in which Joe and George find each other as college students and build a life together.“

each and every day (of the year) by bruce_the_shark Rated M / Modern AU / 21630 Words / 2 Chapters / Complete

Summary: “Joe grins, lifts his hand from George’s hip to grip him by the chin, twists his face around to catch his lips in a bruising kiss. George relishes in it, likes how the taste of Joe’s preferred brand of liquor mixes with the taste of his own on his tongue. He grins against Joe’s lips, knows it’s going to be a good year.”

Babysitting and Other Rationales by aces_low Rated T / Modern AU / 3267 Words / Complete

Summary: “George Luz is a god damn saint, or at least some kind of kid whisperer. And Joe's just trying to keep his head on straight.”

who let the dogs in? by starblessed Rated T / Modern AU / 1869 Words / Complete

Summary: ““And he heard me shouting and I guess it inspired him or something, cause he full-on charged at me, Joe, and before I could even slam the door, he was just —“ George cuts off with an incoherent noise, gesturing grandly to their front door. “In! And then he was running, and sniffing everything, and exploring our shit, and he peed —““Not on my damn couch,” Joe growls.“No, on the nice carpet. Marking his territory, y’know? Except it’s our territory, but I guess it’s his now, because he won’t freakin’ leave.”

BABEROE (EDWARD HEFFRON/EUGENE ROE)

Call me sweetheart, please? by mariamegale (Series) Rated G-E / Modern AU / 95865 Words (Total) / 12 Works / Complete

Summary: “A not-relationship in the making.”

**Each part could be read as a standalone I suppose... But it’s so worth it to read the whole series!

between the walls by CountlessStars Rated M / Canon Era (Post-War) / 2275 Words / Complete

Summary: “ Eugene decides to paint his living room. It should be easy, it really should, but it doesn't go as planned (in more ways than one).”

Walking Wounded by papersky_pencilstars Rated G / Canon Era / Magic AU / 3501 Words / Complete

Summary: “Prompt: Canon-era; Either Gene or Babe have magic, or both. Maybe magic is known or maybe they need to hide it.”

JOHNNY MARTIN/BULL RANDLEMAN

they don’t know about the up all nights (they don’t know I’ve waited all my life) by PotofCoffee Rated T / Canon Era / 22010 Words / 3 Chapters / Complete

Summary: “ Johnny and Bull throughout the war, in a slow meandering dance you might just call love.”

All My Love to Give by Muccamukk Rated E / Canon Era / 8852 Words / Complete

Summary: “ Johnny wants to screw around to pass the time. Bull wants to show Johnny how he feels without having to risk saying it”

The Red String by Arwen88 Rated M / Canon Era / Soulmates AU / 1834 Words / Complete

Summary: “He had to wrench his gaze away from the sickening sight, from the machine that was probably moments away from killing his soulmate. He would’ve thrown himself under that tank if that meant saving his lover, but he couldn’t do it. He had to take care of his men, and so he forced himself to stop looking, to order his men to retreat, to see that they did what he was screaming at them.“

Over Where You Began Muccamukk Rated E / Canon Era / 2949 Words / Complete

Summary: “ The way Bull saw it, Johnny was mad at him now, and Bull had no idea what he'd done wrong. Maybe it was better to just let it lie, let Johnny come out of whatever angry mood he was in on his own, instead of kicking an ant's nest.”

Simple as a Glass of Chocolate by ThrillingDetectiveTales Rated E / Canon Era / 2600 Words / Complete

Summary: ““It was supposed to be syrup,” Johnny muttered darkly. “Says right there on the can!”“Reckon it started out that way,” Bull shrugged, biting his lip against a smile when Johnny narrowed a glare over his shoulder.(In which Johnny and Bull try to sweeten up their sex life and it doesn't go exactly as planned.)”

CHUCK GRANT/RONALD SPEIRS

to Babel, in ruins by captainkilly Rated T / Canon Era (Post-War) / 5114 Words / Complete

Summary: “Chuck knows recovery isn't a linear event. Knows there are times when words will leave him and the night will place him back beneath the dirt. Knows there are things he just can't speak about.Captain Speirs hears him anyway.”

pulse by captainkilly Rated T / Canon Era  / 4706 Words / Complete

Summary: “ Ron Speirs knows how to kill. Knows how to hurt, how to twist, how to maim. He doesn't think he's figured out how to love, not really, not where it counts the most, but the touches he reserves for Chuck Grant beg to differ.. “

AUTHORS

there are so many authors on this list that have written tons of amazing works for one or multiple pairings. as much as I would have loved to, I couldn’t rec all of their works... I had a hard enough time keeping it down to 3 or less works from the same author! similar to fics, I’ve only linked authors that I am familiar with/know have written multiple fics, so feel free to send me more people to add to the list :)

churchkey - is a sweetheart. has multiple amazing winnix works. she has recently gotten into super rarepair toye/malarkey. godspeed I’ll see you there when I read those fics.

ThrillingDetectiveTales - writes for multiple pairings. all of their works are fantastic! every time I see their name as the author I go !! and know it’s going to be good.

Howling_Harpy - has written so many fics. many different pairings. lots of speirton. they’ve ripped my heart out and made me cry but then gently kissed my forehead and put my heart back. I think that’s praise of the highest order.

masongirl - another fantastic author who has written so many amazing fics. tons of speirton and other ships too. also has made me cry and then quietly wiped my tears away.

mariamegale - baberoe queen. that’s all I have to say. I was tempted to just rec all her baberoe fics. check them out!

Muccamukk - another multi ship, multi works writer. i had a hard time only choosing a few of their fics to rec. they’ve got so much to offer!

Impala_Chick - writes lots of great webgott and other pairings too!

captainkilly - if i could rec all her fics I would. there’s some rarepair pieces that are fantastic. I didn’t list it here because it’s more of a character centric piece with an OFC and a little bit of ron/chuck dashed in mostly at the end, but read her form & void series. seriously. read it. I have nothing else to say because her work speaks for itself.

Arwen88 - another writer for multiple pairings with multiple works! love to see it. some great rarepair stuff and also fantastic popular pairings.

LT_Aldo_Raine - love their work! they write for multiple pairings.

be warned: long post. really long post. mostly because i wanted to get this out of my system.

i know no one asked but since i saw @/berlinini sharing why she doesn't like h... here's my take. i've been in this fandom for seven, almost eight, years. i was a larrie for most of them and... i didn't like harry for most of them either.

yes, i am stupid. this isn't some "oh, it took me so long to see something was wrong", it's mostly a "it took me so long to realize what exactly was wrong and to admit i needed to move on".

and i feel like it's important to speak about this because new fans are being pulled into larry, shamed if they don't want to stan harry too, told that louis isn't enough by himself, that he and his art are linked to harry styles and that's how it works. you see it in youtube comments of react channels and under louis own videos with people who discover him from projects. they're fighting tooth and nail to keep that connection alive, grasping at straws to make people believe there's (still) something there.

now, don't get me wrong. i've noticed the shift too. i've noticed there's a lot more of solo louies joining the fandom, i've noticed that he's being related to h and 1D less and less and i'm happy and proud. i still feel like a lot of larries need to open their eyes (i know some of them are harries in disguise, but, judging by my interactions, i also feel like there's lots of smaller accounts that are mostly louies stuck in the same mindset i was).

i still remember where i was when i first heard the rumors about harry, columbia and how much they were paying for him (mind you, this was before everything that happened in 2015, and it turned out to be true). i had no intention to watch dunkirk, i didn't care about the movie or the promo unless louis mentioned it on a interview. i found sign of the times boring. i didn't enjoy hs1 at all. i didn't like the content he was releasing and even back then i felt like he was too distant, out of touch with reality, performative...

to be honest, while there were a few larrie blogs i checked i mostly talked about it with a few friends who are part of the fandom too, and sticked to reading fics or getting excited about ""proof"" in a small circle.

and this small circle can tell you i would never bite my tongue with them about harry and how i felt about his decisions, and about louis career and the sabotage that was going on.

but i never tied the two. sometimes i would ask myself if i wasn't being too harsh on harry, if all of it was part of his public image, if it was true he was a victim of the contracts too, someone in the closet with no options, and i tried to look "past it". while i enjoyed fine line more than hs1 some of the songs weren't for me either (and it took me six months to listen to it). and it was uneasy for me to see him getting so much recognition when he didn't seem thankful, or even interested in what he was putting out, too busy trying to achieve new levels of fame. and every new thing i find out about him makes me dislike him even more. there's no authenticity, no self-respect, no gratitude, only greediness. empty stay at home t-shirts and data-mining BLM and looking like he's giving an eulogy after winning a Grammy (and only thanking the people who paid for it).

with quarantine i fell back into the fandom and made new larrie friends, and i found myself not kinda believing the "proof" they were excited about, or like i was just checking in for the tabloid drama of it all, too obsessed to let go. but in my mind it didn't make sense, and it didn't feel right, for louis, the louis that i saw, to be dating harry styles™️. sometimes i told myself it was fine if i didn't really like him because louis loved him and it was his personal decision not mine.

i feel like i've been a good judge of character since the beginning, in my case. i picked louis back in 2015 and i'll never regret that decision. i don't think i could ever stop supporting him. but i was so tangled in the idea, had dedicated so much time and energy to larry and that long-suffering, star-crossed soulmate fantasy we built that i wasn't thinking clearly.

i don't think i was actively hurting louis, personally (i never interacted with anyone about larry in other social media platforms, i purchased, supported, tried to promote and streamed his music and only his). in everything but my reading habits i was practically a solo louie already, but yet i was pushing this idea of a relationship that would be really toxic for him, were it to be true.

right now i'm at a point where i feel like i've finally opened my eyes. if they were together, it's obvious they're not anymore. and it's obvious that harry styles is both a blank canvas for sony and the azoffs and someone who doesn't care about what he has to give up for fame. he stopped caring about louis (or anyone who can't either help his career or push his image of the month) in any shape or form, a long time ago.

he surrounds himself with people that don't respect louis neither as a musician nor as a person, and i don't think he does, either. they're not in the same place (mentally and physically, they seem to be unable to be in the same continent for long periods of time). i think i've always known, i just wasn't ready to let go of this fixation i had dedicated so many years to (mostly, fanfiction), and right now i'm pretty firm on my beliefs.

if anyone wants to come and tell me that louis will never be as famous as harry, or that i'm wrong in how i perceive people... go ahead. i don't care. i don't want that level of fame for louis if it comes at that price, and i don't think he wants that either.

i've been here for the highs and the lows of louis career, and i can say i am proud of how his fanbase is growing organically right now, and how he owns his past instead of renouncing it, but he doesn't allow it to define him either. i see a consistency, a hard-working, warm-hearted person, even in the face of everything that has happened.

i see someone worth my time (and my money, which i'm more protective of 😂). i never saw that in harry, not even during the early days.

Let me be honest about fic writing and popular fics for a sec -

Trying to parse why G- or T- rated fics seem to be way less popular in the MDZS/The Untamed fandom than M- or E-ones, especially since there are so many great G- or T- ones out there with a fantastic plot and good characterisation, but like...

They next to never get recced. If people read them they rarely share promo posts. There IS an audience out there for fluff/G- and T- rated stuff, but I wonder how those who wish to read them are supposed to find them if the "big" accounts only seem to talk about the M- and E-rated ones. I am a comparatively small account, both on here and on twitter; self-promo will only bring me so far, and setting up a rec list for other G- and T-rated works - well. Small account. Fic, just like visual art, needs exposure too to reach its audience.

This is not to dunk on M- or E-rated fics, or people who enjoy them - I do too! They're great! I just don't feel comfortable writing explicit bedroom scenes myself. I have one M-rated work up, which was my trial piece. I don't hate the outcome, but I didn't enjoy the process at all. Which is why, if I want to continue writing, and enjoying it, I won't suddenly change to writing M- or E.rated stuff just so more people see it.

As someone who writes G- and T-rated stuff - mostly fluff - I will admit that it is a very disheartening situation. To realise that there's not much I can do about it, stings even more.

gc ⋆ final considerations

warnings: a lot of rambling in here and a little game? in the end.

hello everyone! first of all, thank you for reading my series! i wasn't expecting anything with it, like, at all, so i'm really happy people actually read it. thank you if you have been with us since the beginning, if you caught us in the middle, or if you're just discovering this series now! i started this all for fun, and if y'all had fun while reading, that's more than enough for me! and if you handled my late ass daily, wow, you're a warrior, i admire you a lot.

this whole series/universe means a lot to me (even tho i did it for fun hehe), it improved my grammar and vocab a lot, made me learn so many things about writing and constructing a story, i've learned things i never thought existed while searching for exact translations of what i was trying to say, and more.

am i completely satisfied with it? no. is there anything i wish i did differently? many, of course. should i be more responsible and work with my time management? oh yeah, that... :') moving on.

many parts i felt like i've rushed, or parts that feel/seem incomplete to me, things i should've added but didn't, things i shouldn't have added but did, but my skills couldn't make any better (not to mention i literally spoiled part 5 in some tags before part 4 was even released why-). the summary mainly is a joke cause i wrote it before changing the plot, oh god, is it too late to rewrite that? (btw, the plot has been changed about 3 times, that explains a lot huh. the first draft had nothing to do with the actual story).

i also learned that tumblr does hate me cause i can't fu**ing schedule sh*t properly in here and tag ppl and and UGH it took me almost a month to solve the scheduling issue.

BUT! it's all a great learning experience. i'm surely using everything i've acquired with gc on my next works and if you're curious about the next series, all i can say for now is that it's coming in late april/early may and, shameless self-promo time, here is a snippet! also no more scheduling or giving the exact time of posting cause omfg you know already.

and woah. now i can finally sleep normally again. and post the requests omg i'm so late.

special thanks: every single person in the taglist, y'all have my heart if you want! ♡ people on the comments too, i love you 3000. anonnies who came for the series hehe. and google translate my guy you carried me in part 7 and 9 <3

uhm okay thank you if you read all that KHDAKHFHFD i'm gonna list a few things right here, feel free to do it too if you want, i'd love to see what you think:

favorite chapter: i do love part 3 a lot, but part 5 strikes deep man. and part 7 is so kashakdh too. uhmm, i'll go with part 5.

favorite scene: during part 5, when niki is trying to convince himself he's not jelly (the whole beginning is so good to me).

favorite character: soobin. nono i'm joking, i rlly want to say niki, but... jay :')

last but not least, chapter that killed me the most: part 7 cause omfg how hard that chapter was, to write and point out where the story was going, and it's so big too.

Hello my beautiful people! It is your friendly neighborhood OT5/ Camren stan and I am going to give my opinion on this video entitled “How Camila Cabello Derailed Her Career”. So without further ado, here we go!

This video talks about her in fifth harmony and says they were not really a breakout group but still had some success with hits like ‘Sledgehammer’, ‘Worth It’, and ‘WFH’ but they had no standout qualities like other girl groups. He goes on to say that things were getting muddy when she was doing solo projects and the other girls were not and goes on to say that ‘IKWYDLS’ and ‘Bad Things’ were the gateway to her leaving and having creative freedom, which we all know is true. He also says that she did plan to stay in the group while working on what then was ‘The Loving, The Hurting, The Healing’ but is now her self titled album ‘Camila’. She left because they would not let her write or explore that side of her while in the group and it furthered my theory that she never wanted to leave the group or her tour family but was forced to choose between a career that she loved and a career where she felt stuck with no help. She is definitely not an overnight sensation because she had to find her voice again. 

The creator starts listing reasons why she started to derail as an artist and I am going to list them here as well. The first reason being her past with racism and how that resurfaced right around the time romance was released. She did issue an apology and she has grown. Nobody really thought that this would affect her career but it did, which is honestly surprising because there are so many racist singers and actors that still have their careers but she is one of the only ones that have really taken a major hit to their career and has negatively affected her image. He says that cnizers would attack normani (which did happen) and she would say nothing about it but the thing is, she is not responsible for our actions and even if she did denounce them for being racist and tell them to stop, they were not going to stop and their actions hurt the rest of the actual camilizers who know how to actually behave ourselves. As we all know, mani spoke out about it and it breaks my heart to see her say that Cam didn’t care but we all know why she didn’t address it as soon as possible and that is because she doesn't go online that often and she also doesn't have full access to her own social medias at the time and still does not have full access but it was way worse back then. 

Romance is the next reason he lists and he says that the record has very few good tracks and the autotune for this record was not good and neither was her vocal processing. I say that was a lie and that the album did not have very good promo. We all know that her management hates doing promo for her and I feel like we didn't get the proper promo for this one. All of her songs she can and has sung fully live and this record was to just play with her voice and her sound a little bit. Every musician has that album where they like to play with their sound a little and this one was it for her. We start to see her full range on this album. This era was definitely rough seeing as this is when the circus started and this was also around the pandemic. This was also one of the shortest musical eras that we got from Camila and it was one of my favorites. This era was where she started to get into the R&B sound and a lot of people didn’t like it. This album underperformed because of all the singles that were put out before the album even dropped (thx management) and it just didn’t have the hype that it should have, overall making this era kind of a flop, but this era had the best aesthetic in my opinion.

Shawn Mendes was ALSO listed as a reason that her career derailed and i 100% agree that they were a publicity stunt and they most definitely played it up when doing live performances and in the music video. They had intertwined too much of their careers and it got annoying to say the least. The songs, documentary, pap pictures, were all too much and it was super fucking gross. 

The video ends by saying that her career is still far from over and that is very true. I would love to see her act more as well as a couple more albums before she retires from music and being in the spotlight

That is all my loves! And remember to smile and say fuck it! Until next time, Athena <3

Fanfic Self Promo: KnightRook

I decided to make a few self-promo posts on my older fics, starting with the ones centered on KnightRook! All are short one shots or drabbles, but they’re worth a little promo after all this time. They’re in a list of older ones first.

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Missing Knight | T, 2.4k words, written 16 Oct 2017 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Speculative fic about Detective Rogers meeting the girl who, unbeknownst to him, is his own daughter.

I wrote this a little after 7x02 aired, before we knew anything more about Killian’s daughter. I was completely off with it, but I’m still quite happy with it.

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A Young Tempest | G, 1.3k words, written 20 Oct 2017 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Killian Jones raises his daughter and learns things along with her. 

Another speculative fic about Killian’s history with his daughter. Once again, completely off, but it’s one of my favourite stuff I’ve written.

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A Song for Goodnight | G, 1.8k words, written 28 Nov 2017 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Alice Jones I sings a lullaby to her son. A long time later, Killian Jones sings the same lullaby to his daughter. Warnings: Canon character death in the past.

I have feels about Killian singing his mother’s lullaby to his daughter. Some of these made it into this fic.

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Untitled ficlet of Killian thinking about the white elephant he gave Ella | Tumblr link

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A Family by Choice | G, 3.3k words, written 04 Feb 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: The curse is broken, everyone’s memories are back, and Roni with Weaver find a way to remove the poison from Rogers’ heart. But it’s not easy nor perfectly safe, and it might just as well pull that family apart again rather than bring it back together. 

This one is a little sad, as usual with me. But again, lots of feels.

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The First Rain | G, 590 words, written 25 Mar 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Alice is finally free and gets to explore how being under the rain feels.

This one includes only Alice, but it’s got a lot of focus on KnightRook. (If you thought you’d find happy stuff on my fic, you thought wrong. KnightRook was brimming with angst and I milked the hecc out of it)

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Mother’s Day | G, 650 words, written 14 May 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Modern AU. Alice makes something for her papa for Mother's Day.

I felt that Killian deserved a little more love and appreciation for raising such a kind human as Alice all on his own. Father’s day doesn’t get as much appreciation as Mother’s day, especially considering it’s usually after school starts summer break. So I felt that in a modern setting, Alice would choose to celebrate her father and their love for each other on Mother's Day at some point.

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Poor Old Man | G, 530 words, written 12 Mar 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: While in the tower, Killian realizes he's growing old. But not alone. 

There’s a sea shanty with the same name, but only the title has a reference to the story. I just thought that it would be interesting to see Killian, who’d spent his centuries in Neverland not expecting to survive his revenge mission, realize that he’s not only actually growing old, but that he’s also got someone to love and love him back as he does.

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Sad drabble of “What if Killian hadn’t managed to save Alice from being pulled into her worst nightmare in the finale?” Like, really sad. | Tumblr link

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Sad Old Hook drabble in direct response to the fic above, because he did end up old and alone. Be sad with me, people. | Tumblr link

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Marks | T, 1k words, written 15 June 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Little Alice wonders why she doesn’t have any marks on her back, like her papa does. Warnings: Mentions of past physical abuse of a teenager

If you know me, you know I headcanon Killian having multiple scars on his body, many particularly from the time he was a indentured servant as a kid/teen. Being the only one who Alice sees in her first years, she thinks that she’ll grow to have such marks on her body. This is a bit of a melancholic take on Killian trying to explain it to her.

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Untitled ficlet about Old Hook “fusing” with OG Hook, becoming one with him. | Tumblr link

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A New Experience | G, 1.3 words, written 19 July 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Killian makes a re-imagining of a storm in the tower for Alice. 

Humans have more senses than vision. In this story, Killian does his best to create an experience for Alice by invoking her other senses. (Also nerding out for my music knowledge by adding an ocean drum)

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Sad drabble about how Killian seeing his daughter pull away out of fear of hurting him sometimes hurts worse than the curse in his heart. | Tumblr link

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Under the Weather | G, 2.2 words, written 12 Nov 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Young Alice gets very ill and Killian tries to help her. 

Don’t let my habit for angst worry you, this has a happy ending. The medicine techniques are probably inaccurate, but I wanted to focus on a scenario of Killian trying to heal Alice with the very very limited sources he has.

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Remembering Alice | G, 424 words, written 04 Dec 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: After Lucy's birth, Killian can't help feeling sad as he remembers how his daughter is forced to live away from him. 

It is what it is. A short angsty thing. Only Killian appears here, but the focus is on KnightRook.

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A Merry Little Christmas | G, 1.6 words, written 24 Dec 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: This year, Rogers and Tilly won’t spend Christmas Day on their own. 

I don’t participate on Secret Santa and similar events, cause they stress me out over producing a specific kind of content at a specific time. However, all the love people gave to that year's KnightRook Secret Santa inspired me to write a kinda independent contribution, which came out as this. It may not be Christmas yet but the warm, fuzzy feelings are the same!

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Untitled ficlet about re-awakened Killian thinking how his true self conflicted with Rogers’ memories and original goals. | Tumblr link

I barely remember writing this one, lol. I think, it may have started as a meta post, then it took a fanfic route on its own. Fics be doing that. I’ll probably post it on AO3 at some point, too.

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Outward-Bound | T, 2.5 words, written 20 Mar 2019 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Old, dishevelled, broken-hearted Hook is drowning his sorrows in alcohol, when he happens upon a familiar face, someone he never imagined he’d see again. Warnings: Depiction of alcoholism

Oh, this be sad! Again, only Killian appears, but the KnightRook feels are prominent.

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Sad (shocking, I know) drabble about Killian being taken away in the ambulance in 7x20 | Tumblr link

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The Dreams That Won’t Come True | G, 2.1k words, written 14 Sep 2019 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Killian and Alice find a way to be together through their dreams... but it doesn't end up being what they expected. 

That made me sad. Almost made me cry when I first wrote it, and I’m very hard to cry.

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Bonus Fics!

Untitled ficlet with Robyn and Killian; three moments between them | Tumblr link

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Accepting Happiness | G, 1k words, written 26 Nov 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: A little after reuniting with Alice, Killian takes a moment to try and let everything sink in. Hooked Queen, open to your interpretation.

Some introspective thoughts on how Killian and Regina would feel, right after the climactic ending of the finale, the one set before the final scene. Only Killian and Regina appear, but KnightRook is in focus.

if you could only recommend three fics, which would they be??? yell your heart out plsss i wanna hear

This is bullying and you know it :’D Okay well these won’t be anything new but thanks for the opportunity for me to shove the same fics into people’s faces again ig 🙄  jk ily

but not for spring to well up by tookumade (T) 40.8k /SunaOsa/ I will not shut up about this fic and you know this LOL. Like this fic has made an appearance how many times? AND it’s T so like more people can read it,,,,, so like what’s stopping you?

The Loyalty of a Traitor by DeathBelle (E) 76.9k /IwaOi/ I’ve read this fic way too many times despite the wc because I just LOVE how the world is built and the plot! I still feel the anticipation every time, and I think I love it more because I know how it ends LOL. Like I read it and I’m like OMG I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS UGH IM SO EXCITED cause the writing is so good, it feels like dramatic irony :D

Notte Stellata by awkwardedgeworth (T) 20.9k /SakuAtsu/ I feel like I can’t recommend the same trope twice cause that just makes me super basic BUT I love this fic anyway and I will gladly continue to yell at everyone about it. I am also really into figure skating (don’t question it), so like I just love everything about this fic <///# (hehe)

No but the way I’m actually suffering rn omg,,,, some shameless self-promo but I have two lists about the ones I adore linked HERE and HERE so you should go read those too :) I’m spreading my agenda’s rn.

                                                    ------ I AM MORE THAN WHAT YOU CAN SEE

                                                                                          indie / selective / private                                                                                                          amajiki tamaki

✩  INTERVIEW WITH THE MUN  ✩

➊ How many ships do you have on this blog?

          I don’t know, let’s count! I’ve been writing some super fun GabrielxBobby stuff with @multimuse-rp, and that good (complicated) GabrielxDean shit with @awaywardboy-andhisangel and actually... that’s all the canonxcanon ship stuff I’m writing right now for some reason. But that’s not all the ships!  Fulfilling a years long dream (for me) @daedaluscried and I are writing GabrielxAri and she has also indulged some excellet (unrequited) GabrielxEve content, @thxwxlf and I have dabbled in some GabrielxKekipi, and @inferniangod has been kind enough to write GabrielxIfrit with me. 

          I’ve discussed, but not actually written GabrielxSam with @smmie, and I think @hellsmother and I are on track to write some GabrielxRowena (but if I’m not sure I should probably check, whoops).  So that’s six total, eight if you count these last two.  Plus a handful of others where Gabriel is just flirting at people and waiting to see what happens.  Nothing has to happen, he’s just like that.  But something could happen with any of them.

➋ Have you ever roleplayed with someone that just left an unforgettable impression on you?

          Of course!  I’ve been doing this for 10+ years and people have made all kinds of impressions, some amazingly good and others downright awful. I can roll through some nicknames/first names only and proably only Anti will know who I’m talking about because a lot of them are from our shared history on gaiaonline!  I could go on and on about every single one of these people but here’s a quick ‘n dirty list instead: Noir, Kathy, Mariah, Moose, Lyss, Berry, and @daedaluscried!  I’m still occasionally in touch with three of these people (one more often than the other two) which I think is kind of wild all things considered. There’s also some not so good impressions, like guy-who-started-nice-and-then-harassed-me-for-nude-pics and the-person-who-broke-my-trust-and-caused-me-to-stop-writing-smut, but i have put them far far behind me.

➌ Which of your ships on this blog is the fluffiest?

          The fluffiest is probaly Gabriel and Ari now that we’ve gotten into the emotional core of the relationship on both ends.  Which isn’t to say that it’s not a spicy ship with a helping of angst, but... I’ve written more hand-holding with them than with any of the others and I guess that’s my definition of fluff. Also I suspect the gratuitous hand-holding will continue even once they’re past the language barrier. So... FLUFF.

➍ Would you say you’re a decent role player or do you have any self doubts?

          I think I’m a decent writer but my roleplay skills vary depending on the day.  I understand how to set a mood and (usually) how to string a decent sentence together but sometimes the craft that goes into bouncing off of another writer and giving them something to bounce off of in return eludes me.

➎ Have you made lots of friends on this blog?

          More than I expected too. But when I set this blog up I thought ‘those days are behind me now’ so... one would be more than I expected.

➏ What’s the one thing you especially love about roleplaying your muse?

          WRITING THE JOKES!  And not just the verbal jokes he makes, I love writing jokes into my narration! Meta jokes! Dick jokes! Bad puns! All of it! I love it!! I also enjoy the way Gabriel interacts with the world around him.  He rarely just stands in a scene and talks, he’s always moving and gesturing and doing stuff. I also love writing his dialogue, even when the things I write make me squinch my face up with shame. He just says stuff sometimes. 

➐ Are there any people you’ve been to afraid of approaching?

          NOPE!  I’m not afraid to reach out. Approaching people is the easy part. You send a meme, you make an ooc comment, you tag them in something, you hit them with an ask or an IM or whatever.  And if they don’t answer that’s a-okay!  Their choice, I’m not hurt or personally offended. What I’m afraid of is what happens after that part if they do answer.  I can usually BS a thread until I find the point of the thing but IMs and asks? Y I K E S ! Now there’s an expectation for me to be cool and witty and have good ideas instead of just mediocre ones. Very scary. The reason I don’t send IMs.

➑ Give us a rough estimate: How much time have you spent on your graphics? (icons, theme, banners, promos, etc)

          My icons/graphics are a visual representation of me learning to use G.I.M.P. and I think you can... very clearly see the learning curve.  More effort went into those old fuzzy icons I have than the new, crisp ones. Plus moodboards and other stuff?   My guess is 40+ hours.

➒ Got any memorable threads on here? Care to mention a few?

          Well now I wish I had thread tags.  Thread tags would be a lifesaver right now.  Anyway, I am once again shouting out @awaywardboy-andhisangel and our original GabexDean thread that has since spiraled and gotten very, very interesting (it’s not over, I just like it).  And @divinitatemxsanguis who has allowed me to indulge in writing Gabriel with Loki post all the betrayl and murder. They have a special place in my heart so thanks for not judging me! I’m getting ready to write the conclusion/endcap to a sad thread with @isclcphobics involving Talia, Gabriel, and a grave. Plus the thread with @downwillow where Gabriel is human and Micheal has forgotten him. And a shoutout to @daedaluscried for our thread series that I have affectionately dubbed the ‘The Nanny’ series ft. October and Gabriel.  Every thread has been a delight.

          I also have some stuff I’m really looking forward to getting into, specifically with @hellsmother​, @cursebcund​, and @magaprima​.

➓ What were some of the most frustrating moments you had with your muse’s interaction with another muse?

          One that’s on me: sometimes I know that a moment in a thread calls for some emotional vunerability, and often when those times roll around the Gabriel voice I use to write dialogue goes all quiet and resistant and just wants to make jokes.  And either one of two things happens, either I write the joke and cringe because I know now the thread is going to go way off track because obviously the other character won’t be thrilled/is about to shut down and shut up. Or I force some emotional vunerability out of him and it never quite sounds right to me.  Sometimes it’s natural, but sometimes he just won’t do the thing and it frustrates me!

          One that I’ve encountered from someone else: sometimes people will try to force a certain motivation or trait on my Gabriel based on their perception of canon/a past interaction they’ve had with another Gabe as portrayed by another RPer. This really grinds my gears because if you want a Gabriel with that motivation to critique/praise/fight with then go find one! I garantee someone out there plays him that way! There are a lot of us out here doing this! I’m not going to change my portrayl for you!!