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alecxaheart · 3 years

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Someone's Someone | Bang Chan Oneshot (1)

✎ Genre : CEO AU, Soulmate AU, Fluff

✎ Pairings : Bang Chan X Reader

✎ Word Count : 3.5k words

✎ Synopsis : We all just wanna be someone's someone that we can't live without. At this time, Chan was looking for his. And unexpectedly, he was already tied down to someone.

✎ Warnings : Explicit Language

✎. . . I actually just played my songs on shuffle then Monsta X's Someone's Someone played so.. yeah, I'm inspired. Also, this is my first post in tumblr btw. :)

✎ Parts : 1 , 2

The relaxing sounds of nature enveloped him as a whole. His shoulders less tense and eyes closed as he sat on the cooled sand, facing the burning star and calm waters ahead. Seagulls could be heard in the distance as they caught themselves a dinner to eat. The refreshing cool wind hit his body, slightly making him shiver for a second. Waves, created by the sea and wind, kisses the shore repeatedly. For once, he was far away from worries, stress, fears and regrets. Just him, contented with the company of nature.

As he fluttered his eyes open, he was met with a stunning view of the sun meeting the ocean. The ocean reflecting the sun's visuals as well as the sky above it. Even though the reflection was blurry, it's still pleasing to the eye. Just perfectly imperfect.

However in his opinion, it wasn't stunning as it seems. This secret escapade paradise of his doesn't quite appeal to him yet. A missing piece that could be anywhere on this wide world. That thought kind of bothers him every time.

Sighing, he figured that it was time to go back. He slipped onto his slippers and headed out of his escapade paradise with a head hung low. Hopping on an enormous boulder that happened to break the wired fence and fixated there, having easier access to and from the place than climbing over the fence.

With a last glance towards his escapade, he knew he'll be coming back and that next time will be the scenery he's been looking for, hopefully.

Frustrated with the task at hand, Chan ran his fingers through his blonde locks as he leaned back on his chair and head facing upwards toward the ceiling. Taking a brief break from a whole 6 hours straight of writing and staring at the monitor. Followed by him grabbing his coffee and taking a sip, eyes boring on the monitor. He was just half finished with his paperworks at the time of nightfall, which made him more in distress and felt crammed.

His eyes then wandered around his office, landing onto the view of the opposite building of his company in the end. Where he could see the workers of the Marketing Department bidding their goodbyes to one another, closing the lights and exiting the room. Oh, how much he too wanted to leave and rest right at this moment. Although his belief of 'getting things done before going into slumber' is preventing him to do so (even though he already got a lot of things done). With a sigh, he faced back in front of his monitor and papers, determined to get everything done before tomorrow starts.

" Sunbae-nim, aren't you coming with us? We're having dinner at the Chicken & Barbecue restaurant just a block away from here. " Seungmin asked, grabbing his suitcase below his desk. You leaned back on your chair while stretching your cramping arms and a yawn escaping your mouth.

" As much as I want to, Seungmin, I can't, " You started, rubbing your temples to ease your aching head. " Because our new boss literally gave me 5 thick documents to finish before tomorrow morning without any mercy. And that's just bullshit. I don't even think I'm halfway through it! " Seungmin replied with a chuckle to your short rant, an amused expression written on his soft face. You were having another small mental breakdown as you stared at your unfinished pile of work, feeling your soul escape your body.

" I think you're overreacting. "

" Well, what if I am?! "

Laughing, Seungmin leans his side on your cubicle, looking over at your messy desk filled with sticky notes, papers and pens. " I don't think it's that much. You're lucky that your boss isn't here to hear any of your complaints, " He muttered as he took a peek at one of your documents. You scoffed, not my fault that I'm not as good as you.

" Hear what? "

Frantically, you immediately hide yourself behind your cubicle and pretend that you were focusing on your work. On the other hand, Seungmin casually brushed his navy blue coat with his palms and lifted himself off from the cubicle. Making it all seem like nothing happened.

" Oh, it's nothing, Ms. Ka- " Seungmin paused as he met the owner of the voice who wasn't the person they were expecting to be there. " M-Mr. Bang?! " He stuttered, eyes widened at the blonde headed CEO. Seeing in the corner of your eyes, Seungmin bowed ninety degrees at him as a sign of respect. Even with his heated glare on you, you continued your work like no CEO even entered. Thanks to your cute height, for sure you wouldn't be spotted.

" What are you doing here? Working hours are done. "

Seungmin stood straight and scratched the back of his head. Curiosity slowly arose in you as seconds passed - since you've never met a CEO called by your colleague as ' Mr. Bang ' - although as much as possible, you didn't let go out of hand and kept your focus on the documents silently. The least thing you wanted to happen to you right now is get caught by one of the company's CEO. " I was about to head out, Mr. Bang, " Finding an excuse, he pulled up his sleeve to check the time on his wristwatch. " Uhm.. Yeah, I'm late for dinner. Sorry, Mr. Bang, I have to leave right now. Have an great night! "

With a last bow to the CEO, Seungmin dashed his way out of the building, leaving you alone with your work. The blonde head noticed how the room was still lit up despite it being unoccupied, which he thought. Heading to the switches, everything around you darkened. The only source of light you had was the monitor, and Chan caught it in the corner of his eye.

" Is someone still there? " His voice, catching a bit of foreign accent with it, echoed in the hushed area.

Baffled as he approached that light with a few slow strides, you freaked out mentally. Swiftly but silently, you left your chair and hid yourself underneath the desk next to yours. As he neared your cubicle, you held your breath, slowly starting to feel lightheaded. You don't know what are the consequences if you get caught after working hours since you're still kind of new - got hired just 5 months ago. Dumb you overthink random shit first before even going to the thing called 'common sense' and the rules you heard just goes in one ear then out on the other.

The moment Chan was about to reach your cubicle and take a glance to his right, the sound of marimba playing a soft tune echoed in the room. Stopping in his tracks, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and grabbed it, swiping to the right to answer the call. You let out a hushed yet shaky sigh of relief, your shoulders less tense than a while ago. In your mind played a chant, thanking whoever was your savior.

Chan narrowed his eyes at the back of your cubicle while his phone is still pressed against his ear, listening to the person on the other line's complaints. " I'm on my way. Don't do anything stupid, " Not too soon you hear heels clacking against the polished marble tiles, the noise fainting as he left the room.

It took you a good couple of seconds to get out of your hiding spot (since you had to catch your breath and calm your heart down from the thrill), slightly shaking your whole body first before heading back to your seat and continuing your pile of work. Mentally groaning at yourself.

Oh. My. Gosh. These. Eyebags.

Is the first thing you thought as you looked at yourself in the mirror. The cause of it appearing badly because you obviously lacked sleep. All due to the time allotted for slumber was consumed by finishing your 5 thick documents that will be passed this morning. You could've cared less if today wasn't a work day, which fortunately for you it was still work day and these damn documents aren't gonna pass themselves to your boss this instant.

Fumbling around in your bag, you found your makeup kit and started fixing yourself. A little bit of touch ups here and there, just a little to look like it's still more natural than a lot to look like a plastic doll barbie.

Once satisfied, you smiled sweetly at yourself just to start your day nicely and exit your household. While walking on your way to the train station, incoherent mumbling leaves your mouth. A train of thoughts clouding you about your worries if you've left something important behind. In all honesty despite of your current good looks, you look stupid or crazy for talking to yourself in public. Well, at least you aren't as worse as someone yelling nonsense.

" I have all my files, identification card, phone, wallet, pocket knife 'cause anything could happen, keys- " you paused as soon as you misplaced your shoes at the edge of the last stair, falling forward. Luckily for you, you caught yourself and regained your balance. Wide eyed, you saw a kid, a giddy smile plastered on his face as he saw your commotion with a lollipop in hand. You felt embarrassed but laughed it off anyway, a light tint of pink decorating your cheeks.

You rushed towards the gates as soon as you realized the time with the card in between your fingers. Three beeps emitted from the machine when the gates opened after you placed the card on the scanner. With a few more strides, you caught up to your train ride as it was about to leave. You sighed in relief and sat down on a vacant bench, head automatically leaning back on the window. Your eyes boring at the ceiling while taking steady breaths after your short marathon on the way.

On the other hand, across you sat Chan. His right leg crossed over the other while scrolling through his phone. He wore a button up shirt, the first two still unbuttoned revealing more of his chest. His navy blue tie hung loose around his neck while his coat is still folded around his arm. His slacks were the same color as his tie and coat and wore black pointed shoes to finish the statement of his overall clothing. Blonde hair locks were scattered around his face but still managed to look stunning and attractive.

You haven't noticed his presence, so did he to you, and the fact that you both don't know each others' appearance even though you go to the same company just adds to the reason for you two's ignorance to one another's existence.

You got yourself to go back to slumber comfortably in your current position although you know when you wake up, you'll be greeted by your neck aching. Hopefully you don't miss your stop while gaining more sleep. The train swaying you lightly from time to time that you found quite relaxing, like a cradle rocking back and forth lightly to put a baby to sleep.

A child was running around the train with a joyful smile, giggling. He only stopped in his tracks when he reached in between you and Chan. His eyes glowed like there were stars decorated around his chocolate brown pupil when he eyed you two. Looking around, he spotted a roll of red thread underneath your bench and grabbed it. He thought it was just right.

With you being the closest, he starts to tie the thread around your pinky finger. You were too tired to even feel his small cold fingers run around your fingers nor the string tighten around it. Once done, he smiled to himself, his dimples appearing on either side of his cheeks and eyes forming into small crescents.

He left your side and skipped over in front of Chan, who was now too deep in thought as he gazed outside the window and his phone tucked in his pocket. Holding the other end of the thread, he wrapped it around Chan's thumb. Chan's body shook in surprise as he felt cold fingers ghosting above his hand and averted his attention to the child. He saw him knotting the red string tightly, strange that he barely even feels the string tightened around his thumb. " What are you doing? " he questioned although the child only responded with a bright smile, followed by a giggle.

The child turned and ran away from him, more giggles leaving his lips. Chan stood up and tried to chase him. But stopped as soon as he saw the child in the distance, dissolving into little particles in thin air and completely vanished in his sight. In disbelief, he rubbed his eyes and looked for the child around his area. Thinking that he was out of his mind, he sighed in defeat. There's no way anyone could do that in reality. It's either I'm insane or living in a fantasy or a chosen one blessed to see ghosts. Maybe, all of the above.

Chan looked down on his thumb, following where the other end lead to. Then, he spotted your sleeping beauty state, the other end attached to your pinky finger. With the sun rising in the horizon, a ray of gold-like light shines through the window, casting a shadow on you. And he thought you looked mesmerizing like that, peaceful and lovely. At least he wasn't tied up with a bitch or a hag.

Your eyes slowly fluttered open as the sun shined upon you. Squinting at its brightness, you raised a hand above your eyes to see more, only finding a red string wrapped around your pinky finger. You examined it, wondering what prank is anyone even planning and why did it have to involve you out of all people. Before anything stupid could happen, you attempted to loose the knot, ignoring the curiosity for a while of where the other end was. Looping and tugging it, even tried to chomp on it with your teeth, but all attempts failed. Well, that's until you gave up, untying it was impossible, unbelievably there's a knot that couldn't be untied. Sounded like marriage when you think about it, but there's the annulment and divorce ruining the picture.

Tearing your gaze at the string, you caught a pair of bewitching dark brown eyes staring back at you. In that particular moment, everything just froze in place. Time has stopped just for the two of you, you thought.

You felt your heart melting, probably from the warmth emitting in your body or from the warmth his eyes give off as you saw little sparks decorating the pupil. Unfamiliar light feathers tickling the insides of your stomach is what you felt other than the heat and that thawing heart of yours. Your mind knew it well that you shouldn't feel this way towards someone who you just met but your body and heart reacted so differently. There's just something about him that made you feel so exposed and vulnerable in his eyes that you couldn't come up with a possible answer to your 'why's.

Both of you didn't notice how seconds turned into minutes, too lost into one another's orbs. That was until the train stopped, causing Chan to break the eye contact and lose his balance. Before his hands made contact on the metal floor, he took a step forward in order to regain his balance which he successfully did. A small chuckle left your lips, eyes turning into crescents as you saw the commotion. He narrowed his eyes at you as the train was back in motion.

Chan fixed his clothes first before asking, " Who are you? ". Grabbing the pole next to him to prevent him from falling again on the next stop.

" Shouldn't I be asking you that as well? " You replied with a gummy smile, which quickly faded when you remembered what's the problem.

" What is this on my finger and why is it connected to yours? What kind of trickery is anyone pulling? Why am I involved in this? " You kept firing questions at him while he stayed there unbothered. Unlike you who did some more attempts to remove the thread, silly you even tried aggressively shaking your hand in hopes of making it a little loose. But no prevail happened once again.

" Just get rid of it. I didn't want this too, you know. " Chan taps his foot impatiently as he eyed your useless attempts.

" I am trying! " You exaggerated. Deciding to bring out the best tool you have for the situation in hand, your hands fumbling in your bag. Once you felt the cool metal on your fingertips, you brought it out and flipped it open.

Chan's eyes widened at the sight of the pocket knife in your palms. " You carry that on a daily basis? Are you insane? "

You rolled your eyes in annoyance. " It's not insane when it's used for self-defense purposes. I'm too nice to be the murderer you're assuming, " You replied, head throbbing as things aren't going well with the charming blonde.

He responded just before the blade and thread were in contact, starting with a scoff. " Yeah sure, nice. Anyone can wear that façade anywhere. "

" You know what, " You started as you withdrew the pocket knife back and glared at him afterwards, pissed off. " You deal with this shit yourself, I'm done with my part and I could care less about this red thread anyway. You look like you don't need any of my help 'cause you look fancier than me and it seems like you're not taking any gratitude towards my kindness. Damn these crazy rich people. " You threw the tool towards his direction and looked away from him, arms crossed. Chan instinctively caught it without getting any cuts despite the fact it's closed, his eyes burning through your figure in fury.

" If I actually got wounded instead from your little stunt, I would've sued you this instant, " He growled, only to be ignored by you.

Irritated by your sudden change of attitude, Chan flipped it open and skillfully ran the blade through the string. Only for it to just fall through like the string never existed, ghost-like perhaps. " It's not cutting, what the hell, " Chan muttered under his breath as he tried a few more times again.

"It's just a string, how could a- " You spoke as you turned your head back to his direction, only to be cutted off as you witnessed the unusual. Mouth a little bit agape in disbelief. The thread didn't fall apart even while the blade was just sitting in between of it on air. Maybe that explains why you could barely even feel the thread wrapped securely around your finger. You could tell that this stunning blonde head was just as puzzled as you were.

" Sir, if you're having any problems that includes this woman, we can sort it out. Just withdraw the knife first please, " a man suddenly blurted out, his voice a little bit shaky. That's when you realized the commotion you both have caused, everyone around you two took steps back away. All had fear in their eyes.

" Wait, you don't see the thread we're trying to cut? " Chan questioned, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. At that, he was more misunderstood.

" There's no thread..? " With that, it got the two of us surprised. Is the crazy one here them, who couldn't see this string, or us, who could?

Chan tried to explain our situation thoroughly but when he was about to speak up, out of the blue, a voice spoke in the speakers. " Please mind the gap, " You immediately grabbed his arm, carried his belongings and dragged him out of the train. Leaving its passengers confused as they eyed us. They might be thinking that you two are idiots.

The doors just shut a second later when you two got out. You felt a bit suffocated for an unknown reason, your hand reaching for your chest where you could feel your heart beating. Panting, you shoved Chan's belongings into his chest. " Are you alright? " He asked as he tried to place a hand on your back, the least thing he could do to comfort you.

But his hand only stopped in mid-air when you took your last deep breath, replying. " Let's just part ways here, " Saying those words felt a bit disheartening at some point, yet you chose to disregard it.

You walked forwards, while Chan stayed in his position, wearing his coat and fixing his tie. Although, something stopped you. As in you couldn't go forwards as much as you force to. Well when you did force yourself, it only tugged Chan towards you. Turning around, he was already eyeing you. " What was that for?! "

Glaring at the thread, you thought out loud, " Is this string telling me, it can only stretch itself approximately at 7 meters?! "

Continue

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itsuki-minamy · 3 years

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WONDERFUL SCHOOL DAYS: MY PRECIOUS RED

CHAPTER 1: START

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: skyflyinginaction

* Gakuen K (List of Chapters) * Projects & Chapters

Suddenly she raises her face to the sound of something rolling.

It looked like it was a dolly.

The morning dew turned everything milky white.

The light red of cherry blossoms stretched over her and the world turned pink.

A school route that shouldn't be there yet.

The refreshing air that touched the surroundings was cold, humid, and heavy.

The cool green was also wet with dew and reflected the morning sun softened by mist.

There was still a little time left before the morning dew cleared, the air warmed with the breath of the students going to school, and spring felt warm and joyful.

"Super Ashinaka High School, huh."

From today she will attend classes here.

Her new uniform was a bit embarrassing.

A mixture of anxiety and tension, she could barely sleep last night. She should be weak in the morning, but she woke up at 5 in the morning.

She was told that she had to go to the school principal's office in front of the classroom to register and receive various explanations from her teacher in the staff room. So she left early, but it may have been a little too early.

She walked alone before a row of cherry blossoms full of morning dew.

Being alone in a world that melts into light red made her uncomfortable.

She decided to move to this school because she no longer wanted to be alone. But after all, she had the unpleasant feeling that she here she too would be alone.

Thinking it too much, she wondered what to do with everything from the first day of moving, but she kept thinking.

"……!"

When she was desperately trying to get rid of the anxiety that was born when she moved out, she heard a jerky sound again.

"Ah?"

Was there anyone? At this time of day?

Suffering from loneliness and anxiety, she was scared and ran away. She continued to the plaza in front of the school building.

In the gradually fading milky-white morning dew, she gasped as she encountered a figure that seemed drawn in light ink.

Along with the sound she heard earlier, the shadow made strange movements.

She was a little scared, but at the same time, her curiosity grew.

Beyond the miserable line of sight, there was a boy.

A boy in a black school uniform.

Navy blue hat. Peculiar auburn hair that bounced.

The open-chested shirt was hemmed at the pants and was a bit baggy.

She instinctively looked at the bright sky blue jacket he was wearing.

A school uniform? Hey? What? Student from another school?

But here on the school grounds? But the uniform here was...

"……?"

She didn't know why, but she tilted her head.

However, when she suddenly saw his feet, she was convinced of only one thing. Ah, she already understood it. That shaking sound was the sound of a skateboard.

The boy, who seemed unaware of her existence, was skating and skating, whether he was playing or practicing.

She thought he was jumping energetically. He turned the skateboard under his feet a few laps and got back on the skateboard. He spun on impulse, lifted the skateboard with one foot, and mounted again.

Although he was gliding at considerable speed, he avoided obstacles like nothing.

A series of light techniques that made him feel like the skateboard was part of his body.

Crack...

Involuntarily, she likes it.

She wondered if she could do it, or she would fall terribly.

How will he balance it? Why does that skateboard stick to his feet even if he jumps? It was strange…

It was like playing with the wind. It was like the wind itself.

Light, fast, refreshing and unpredictable. Freedom anywhere.

There was nothing to bind or trap him now.

His appearance was carefree and he didn't seem to have anything to do with worries and problems.

Integrating with the wind as he wanted.

It was at that moment that she became curious and was watching every move he made.

"Ah?"

The boy with the skateboard got on the railing of the stairs and went down.

"What?"

In an instant he was gone and involuntarily screamed.

Hey? Uh, it can't be! He fell?!

Before thinking, her feet moved forward. She was running out of breath.

She immediately reached the stairs and stood on them. Looking down with her heart pounding, he seemed to skid over the railing, landing brilliantly at the bottom. He slid down as he was and leapt to the top.

Did he hear her when he inadvertently held her chest with both hands and took a relieved breath?

Her shoulders shook and she quickly looked up at him.

"……!"

He had amazing eyes. Sharp, fierce, warlike, and savage. Hot and strong. It was like a flame.

She took a breath and opened her eyes. He looked at her too.

At that moment, he suddenly turned bright red and hurriedly turned around.

As he was, he kicked the ground several times and accelerated. Without stopping, he left her behind.

"Wait."

She swallowed the words that rose to her throat, surprised that the words were coming out of her throat.

She rambled a bit and lowered her hand, which reflexively pursued his back.

She felt that she wanted to see a more splendid technique, but it was a bit disappointing, but was it enough to stop him?

She turned her head and turned around.

The morning dew was quite sunny and the petals of the cherry blossoms fluttered happily in the blue sky.

"I am Konohana Saya. Thanks."

The letters "Konohana Saya" written on the board. When she bowed her head, she received crackles and scant applause.

Super high school "Ashinaka", 2nd grade group.

Ashinaka Junior High School, an integrated education school from kindergarten through college. This island centered around the school is called "Super Ashinaka Gakuenjima".

The economy is established only on the island and it feels like another country other than Japan. In fact, it seems that few people come to the island, even if they are not related to the school.

Until recently, she didn't even know such a school existed. She found out about it from a letter of recommendation to move suddenly.

But she believed that this was exactly like a ship for migration.

At the time, she was in a situation where she had to transfer to another school and hopefully she would stay away from her parents and the environment around her.

So, she came to this school, which has a dormitory on this island far from her parents' house, and they recommended that she move.

Suppressing her nervous, throbbing chest, she looked around her at all who will be her classmates.

"……!"

And then, she gasped when she saw the boy with a bat on the window seat.

Eh? Was he the boy from this morning?

Was that boy from this school? Was he wearing a black school uniform?

Behind him... a big blond boy with sunglasses, he was wearing the same school clothes.

Why just those guys?

The moment she turned her neck, she realized she was wrong.

She was wrong. Not just those guys.

On the side of the hall, she glanced at the boy who was looking away.

The boy with glasses was wearing a pure white school uniform.

She did not believe that the uniform was free choice. She had not seen such a guide.

Then why?

When she was filling her head with question marks, the master said, "Then, Yukizome-san. Please take care of her.", and he walked around the main room.

In the classroom, where there was a lot of noise when the teacher left, she was a little anxious and looked around her. A girl with sincere and friendly eyes ran up to her and smiled at her a friendly smile.

"Yes. Transfer student. Nice to meet you. I'm Kukuri Yukizome."

"Yukizome-san."

"Call me Kukuri. I'll call you Saya-chan too."

She was relieved that she had a carefree smile.

"So, Kukuri-chan."

"Hehehe. If you have any questions, ask me anything! I'll show you around the school today after classes, but trust me for whatever you need."

"So what comes first?"

Kukuri begins by explaining the PDA, which is a student ID card.

Ah... the uniform. She had wasted the time to ask.

She wanted to know about the boy she saw in the morning, but at that moment Kukuri's explanation was more important. She couldn't be rude to overlook her kindness.

She regains her mind and look directly at Kukuri.

After all, that question solved itself after lunch.

"It looks delicious!"

Around the same time that the teacher left the classroom, she looked for a place to sit for lunch, and suddenly they hugged her from behind her.

"Kyaa!"

"Oh, I'm hungry! It smells good!"

When she hurriedly glanced back over her shoulder, she met stunning strange eyes, blue and gold, and her eyes widened.

She was a beautiful girl. Literally, truly, a beautiful girl.

White skin and cherry cheeks. Long straight light red hair.

A boy with silver-white hair and tender eyes came towards her, who was stunned and hardened, and clasped his hands in a hurry.

"Sorry. Hey, Neko!"

"Shiro! That gohan smells delicious! This class was really difficult!"

Hmm? Is it a delicious gohan smell?

Eh? Isn't that the delicious smell of gohan?

Kukuri smiles bitterly beside her like a poker.

"Wagahai-chan, Saya-chan = Gohan, right?"

"Yes!"

"Yes!" She said cheerfully.

"Sorry. Neko isn't good at remembering people's names. She's not malicious."

"Eh? Oh, it's fine. I don't feel uncomfortable. I was surprised."

Um... when she looked at the boy, she thought he realized the meaning of that line of sight. The boy smiled and bowed quickly.

"I'm Yashiro Isana. Everyone calls me Shiro. So I'm glad you call me that too. That girl is Neko. Shiro and Neko."

"Shiro-kun."

"Yes. And this is Kuro."

A boy approached before she knew it. He had beautiful black hair and straight black eyes.

"I am Kuroh Yatogami. As a classmate, thank you for your continued support."

"Huh? Oh, yeah! This is it!"

Unexpectedly, she bowed at the harsh self-introduction. She was shocked. By no means, when she introduced herself, have they thanked her for any support.

"Shiro~. I'm hungry~."

"So, let's make a lunch box. Konohana-san, we'll let you go then. Konohana-san has to have lunch too."

"Bento!"

Neko suddenly let go of her and looked at Yatogami-kun's heavy weight with her eyes shining.

"Hmm. Okay. Then Saya-chan, let's go. I'll show you the school cafeteria and tell you the location of the shopping department."

"Eh? But…"

Kukuri's hand seemed to have a lunch box.

"If it's a cafeteria, I think I can go alone with the navigation system. That's Kukuri-chan's lunch box, right?"

"That's right, let me go with you. Oh! I'm not just a guide am I? I want to eat lunch with Saya-chan."

"Eh? Ah…"

She said those words softly to her. She was so happy that she was going to cry.

"So, I take your word. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank, because I want to talk a lot and get to know you well, Saya-chan. Let's go!"

Kukuri called out to her and smiled.

She wanted to meet her. Those words were a bit shocking, but she was still happy. It was amazing that she wanted to be her friend.

They greeted Shiro and left the room together.

"Oh, it's true."

They were probably boys from another class. She remembered the uniform when she saw the boy in the black school uniform fluttering around and came forward.

"Hey, Kukuri-chan.", she told her as she showed her the back of the boy who was walking away from her.

"Why do some guys have different uniforms?"

"Oh, that boy belongs to a special club."

"Special club?"

"Yes. Special club activities. It is one of the characteristics of this school. There are seven special club activities at this school in addition to the regular club activities. Club members will be able to use special skills when they join the club. They are popular among students, because the word "special ability" is great, isn't it? But only the "chosen ones" recognized by each director can join the club."

The word "special ability" surprised her.

"Only the chosen ones?"

"Yes. Not everyone can enter. In that sense, it is 'special'. The one wearing that black school uniform is from the red club."

"Red club... There were two people in the class, right?"

"Yes. Yata-kun and Kamamoto-kun. Yata-kun has auburn hair and a hat. Misaki Yata. The boy with the big sunglasses is Rikio Kamamoto."

"Yata-kun. I see. His name is Yata-kun...", she thought.

"Some boys wore white school uniforms, right? That boy was from the blue club. Fushimi Saruhiko-kun."

"Blue. So all seven of them have different uniforms?"

"No. There is also a regular uniform section. For example, the silver part. There is also a club that wears a rabbit mask and wears a ninja costume only during club activities."

"Eh?"

Ninja costume?

Did she wonder why? Was she the only one to whom all this was really suspicious?

"In this school, the special club activities are something special. Well, I think you will know right away. Oh, Saya-chan. There are several ways to get to the cafeteria and the shopping department, but the shortest route is to through this courtyard."

"Courtyard?"

"Yes."

Saya pushed open the glass door that led to the courtyard.

"Wow..."

She involuntarily screamed into the courtyard, which was much bigger than she expected.

The well-kept flowerbed had colorful spring flowers. The fresh green of the plantation was also visible.

The lush grass. No trash had fallen on the cobblestones. Light pink petals fluttered from the beautiful and splendid cherry blossoms. The white garden table and chairs below were very fascinating. It would be very nice to deliver her lunch there.

"Ah, but it's better to stop by on limited menu day. I think it's best to tour the school building. There are plenty of places to shop."

What?

"Eh? Did you buy it now? I heard it well?"

Eh? A joke? Would they laugh?

Kukuri just laughed kindly, "Yes. Is that true?"

"As Miwa-san says, it is a tactic. It is a strategy to expel the rivals. Most of the students cross the courtyard, so the courtyard is inevitably the most dangerous place."

She said it naturally, didn't she? Waiting? Was it weird that she didn't understand?

"I set up a purchase to get a limited menu... I haven't had any experience with that."

"Oh, is that true? It's interesting once you get used to it."

So it was.

But surely it would be fun to think of getting a limited menu through the differences? Should she think of it as a game?

That was when she thought about it.

"Sorry. I can't come here."

Kukuri sighed and looked back.

"Eh? Why?"

When she tilted her head, Kukuri pointed at something, saying "That." She was just looking around her and, for the first time, she realized that there were a lot of people gathered there and she opened her eyes.

Also, the atmosphere was not good for compliments. It was terribly upsetting and she felt bad.

A group of black school uniforms and a group of white school uniforms staring at each other. Was it a special club activity?

People who wore black school uniforms had a slightly mischievous impression. In contrast, many of the people wearing white school uniforms appeared to have a tight look. She felt like they were honor students.

However, all white school uniforms with his honors wore sabers at the waist.

So those sabers were weapons that can kill people. What was that?

"Kukuri-chan? They seem to be looking at each other, but what the hell are they doing? And what they have around their hips is a saber, right?"

"It's a conflict. What they wear on their waists is a saber."

"What?"

The answer is so simple that she doubts the ears of her.

"Conflict... is that a fight?"

"Of course it is."

"Eh? Are they fighting? Students?"

"Oh. It's a good reaction. Fresh and cool. Okay. You'll be surprised at first, but you'll get used to it. It's the usual thing."

What was that reaction?! It was really weird.

She realized that she was used to conflict.

However, when she looked around her, there were people looking away, but no one was surprised or made noise, and it seemed that Kukuri's reaction was correct there. She said it was a statement of fight, maybe the common sense of this school was a little strange?

Struggling to understand, she returned to a group of gazes.

"Oh, Yata-kun..."

"Yes. I told you that he is a member of the red club and wears a black school uniform. There is also Kamamoto-kun."

Kukuri pointed a finger at that big blond boy with sunglasses.

"Most of the red club members are bad. Oh, but that's fine, you'll be sure. We don't take the word 'bad' as a bad thing, so they are accepted by the students in general."

Eh? What kind of place was this? She didn't understand anything.

"Isn't it bad?"

"Hmm. It may be wrong to use the word 'bad', it doesn't mean they are bad people. How to say it? I think it's like people who aren't good to keep up with everyone. People who live their own way can be the closest ones. The principal is Mikoto Suoh, a third-year student. He is also one of the heads of this school, it is said that he has a lot of fights. You see, it's that red-haired person next to Yata-kun."

Kukuri points to the person in the middle of the black group.

Chillingly sharp red eyes. Tense and delicate cheeks.

Was he really older? He seemed charismatic. Regardless, his presence was astonishing.

"The blue club are wearing the white school uniform. They have excellent grades and good behavior. Most of the members of the group are super elite who also serve as student organizers and members of the disciplinary committee. The activities are the maintenance of discipline, student orientation, activities such as leading students at a school event, etc."

Discipline, right? Eh? So... what about sabers? Isn't it a violation of the law to use weapons and swords?

"That's why they don't seem to get along with the blues from one point of view. The director of the blue club is Reisi Munakata, a third year student. He is the director of the Student Organization within the School, the example! of exemplary behavior!"

That's right, the central figure of the white group that Kukuri later showed was like the "exemplary student".

Sharp glasses with calm and cool eyes. He listened to the red club swearing with a sweet smile on his lips, as if he were listening to classical music.

"You saw the one next to him in the hall, right? That's Fushimi Saruhiko-kun."

"Fushimi-kun."

"That's why I can't come through here. It's hard to get involved."

Well, could they involve her?

She was scared and just wanted to get out of there immediately.

"Hey, Monkey! Bastard, say it again!"

However, at that moment, a strong voice rang out from the courtyard.

She turned around and looked at the group again.

"Oh, I'll tell you a few times. Your power is below mine. MI SA KI."

Fushimi laughed vividly. Delighted, as if he was intoxicated with something.

He was creepy.

What was that look?

Furthermore, Misaki really looked angry.

"Hmm...! I can't take it! I'll take you down!"

Yata jumped up, fierce fury fading into his eyes. That's it… Misaki is Yata's name.

Suddenly, his classmates began to move.

"Wow. It's started. This is the end of the story for the special part. We have to move fast."

Kukuri came out in a hurry.

But she couldn't answer.

She was fascinated by the fiery bat metal that rose from Yata's hands.

What? It was certainly a flame.

Born from empty space, grew up in the blink of an eye and covered Yata's hands.

She was stunned by the fist that burned like a torch.

"What?"

"Saya-chan?"

The shape was slightly different, but everyone in it was able to easily create a flame and target the blue club. The members of the blue club also drew sabers one after another and defended themselves.

It wasn't just a saber, there was a blue light on the blade.

Is that a special ability?

It's like the magic that appears in the story... Wasn't it a dream?

Well then, what about her...?

"Saya-chan!"

Her shoulders were shaking and she suddenly returned to herself.

"Ah... sorry. Kukuri-chan..."

"Okay. It's dangerous here. Let's go now."

"Yes."

At that moment, Kukuri urged her to move quickly.

Yes, it was exactly a fight. Other students in the courtyard were screaming.

"Ah!"

Looking back, the first thing she saw was a knife with a red lotus flame approaching them.

And that was the last thing. She didn't have time to think about anything.

"Kukuri-chan, it's dangerous!"

Kukuri's body moved quickly. At that moment, a flash of light enveloped her.

In the bright light she was unable to open her eyes, and a tremendous destructive sound was heard.

"Tsu!"

However, it was only a moment, and soon the light disappeared like a lie.

However, the numb ears remained as they were, and the sound of the world that was lost immediately after the destructive sound had not yet returned, leaving only a high-pitched beep.

She thoughtfully held her ears with her hands and shook her head to shake her eyes and limbs from her.

A vague hum came from a distance, and she suddenly lowered her eyes over Kukuri in her arms.

"Ah...! Kukuri-chan, are you hurt?"

"No. I'm fine. Nothing happened to me, but... Saya-chan..."

"Eh?"

"Well, the light is coming out of Saya-chan's body, but..."

"Ah!"

She was surprised by the words. She quickly released Kukuri and looked at her hands.

Both hands had a vague white light. Her whole body was in that state. It was as if she herself was emitting light.

When she looked around her hastily, the stone pavement was severely broken and scraped only around her. It was like they had excavated with heavy equipment or something.

The knife... strangely, it pierced the stone pavement with the flame burning.

The knife turned to stone. It was also deep. That should not be the case.

"Ah!"

Many of the impossible visions piled up and the blood rose again. Reflectively she hug her.

Oh! She again...

"Saya-chan. What's wrong?"

Kukuri's question chilled her back.

When she stood up, she took a step back and walked away from Kukuri.

"Saya-chan...?"

Kukuri's astonished face stared at her back.

What did she have to do? What was she to answer?

She didn't even know what that was.

It was at that time...

"A 'skill', right?"

A sweet, low and gentle voice resonated with the usual sound of his shoes.

When she shook her shoulders and raised her face, the person standing there was Reisi Munakata, who was the head of the blue clan and the Student Organization within the school.

In his hand was a sword that glowed pale.

It was horrible, but... no, more than that.

"Skill...?"

She was amazed at the words she heard for the first time.

"Yes. People with innate special abilities are called 'Strain'."

With that said, Reisi Munakata put the saber in the scabbard and pulled up his glasses with his fingers.

"The power of a Strain sometimes hurts people."

A painful memory crossed her mind at that moment.

She instinctively she pursed her lips.

"It is also our job to prevent that from happening. The other day, there was a report that a Strain had entered the island, but are you a transfer student?"

With a rattling noise, Munakata took a step closer. He turned and took a step back.

"The birth of a talented person off campus is infinitely equal to zero."

"Oh, that, I ..."

"In other words, the exception is that you are a Strain. Transfer student Konohana Saya. If you don't resist, nothing bad will happen to you. Surrender quietly and quickly."

Surrender.

As usual, a soft, sweet smile on his lips.

However, there was a dignified and sharp light in the eyes behind the glasses, showing that the words weren't a joke.

"Here we go."

Reisi Munakata approached her.

She knew she must accept. She should quietly surrender.

But what would happen as a result of the surrender? She already knew what to do after that.

She didn't want to think like that again!

A trauma revived in the back of her eyes.

She shook her head violently and took a step back. And when she held her head, she screamed.

"I do not like it!"

"……"

At that moment, the flame worn by the knife driven into the stone pavement on the rocky shore swayed and suddenly turned into a terrible glow.

Munakata was shocked and flew away.

At the same time, a column of fire that was burning the heavens unnaturally swelled and surrounded her.

"Eh?"

The heat increased and the view was surrounded by flames.

Although she glanced around her hastily, it was a flame on one side. A flame surrounded her.

What?! What was happening?!

No way, this was her too?!

"What...?"

She thought about it for a moment. Suddenly feeling congested, she looked at her limbs.

She got worse and worse and she knelt on the spot.

"What?"

The field of view was blurry. The smoke soaked her and tears came out, she spilled and got wet, she was fed by the heat and she dried herself quickly

Her head was shaking and she fell.

"Evacuate!"

Was it Munakata senpai? A sharp voice rang out.

Beyond the flames she was terribly crowded, with countless footsteps flapping.

"......"

Why did this happen?

The earth was burned, the sky, while the flames protected it and prevented other invasions.

No, it could be the other way around. Maybe to protect everyone from her. She maybe she was trapped in a fire ship so as not to harm her surroundings again.

That's. The witch must be burned at the stake. So the price to pay is fixed. She is not a good common person.

"Cough..."

She fell and coughed.

It was painful. The air was not getting well into her lungs.

Severe pain ran down her left hand.

It was a stabbing pain, but she could no longer move her body.

She tried to stand up, but she couldn't even see anymore.

However, as if she were hazy, her consciousness blurred and vanished.

(Oh really. Why did this happen?), she thought.

She wanted peace. But that was it. It must have been terribly modest.

It was at that time.

"Reject."

Lowly, a voice echoed out.

When she opened her eyes slightly at being invited by that voice, a black figure appeared in the fire in front of her. She seemed to rush there without hesitation.

No way, because such a burning flame. She couldn't just touch him and be sure.

It sure was a hallucination. It was a convenient illusion, because no one would come to her like this.

The moment she thought that, she felt something put on her head.

She was surprised by the feeling. Her vague awareness woke up and she opened her eyes.

Immediately afterwards, she had the sensation that her body was floating gently.

She didn't scream (she couldn't), but she was in awe.

When she hurriedly raised her face, it was red that was occupying her field of vision.

His red hair swayed from the heat and his red eyes stared directly at her.

Certainly, Suoh. He was the head of the red clan.

She gently touched what she had on her head.

Something with sleeves and black, maybe the school uniform?

Suoh said "Let's go.", while he held her, but did not understand the situation (it was not a hug like holding a princess, but a hug where she felt his arm. As parents do with small children).

Go where? How?

However, she still couldn't say those words.

And it seemed that he did not ask for her consent, and Suoh began to walk with her in his arms without waiting for her response, towards the flame.

It was no longer a scary story, and she reflexively tightened Suoh's shirt and supported her face to cling to his shoulders, but strangely it was no longer hot. The flame that had burned her skin a while ago was completely gone.

On the contrary, the cooling breeze immediately caressed her feet and her hair, and she widened her eyes in amazement.

"Hey! Transfer student!"

At the same time, a strong voice echoed out from the vicinity.

The voice was the same that started the fight, she shook her shoulders and raised her face from him.

His fierce eyes were now terribly anxious, painful, and distorted.

Yata.

Nor did her voice come out.

"You, your hands..."

Yata's expression, who seemed to be terribly surprised, slowly looked at her left hand. Both her blazer and shirt were charred and the back of her hand was swollen red.

Looking around her, the pillar of fire was still there. Behind Suoh and her.

How did they get out of it? What the hell happened?

As he held her in a self-defeating state, Suoh looked around him.

When she turned her gaze from her to him as if she was invited, she saw Munakata and Fushimi holding a saber.

Behind them, people in white uniforms were still busy moving.

Suoh stared at them, raised the edge of his lips and laughed lightly.

"This girl is mine."

Saying that he began to walk calmly.

She had a lot to say, but she couldn't get it right, she couldn't speak, and she closed her eyes softly, clinging to his neck.

"It's a clubroom, but... sorry I rarely use it. It's dirty."

Silky light brown hair. A good man with tender eyes offered her a can of juice and smiled.

"I am Totsuka Tatara. I am a third year student from the red club."

"Totsuka-senpai."

"Yes. You burned yourself, are you okay? How about the infirmary?"

After that, Suoh took her straight to the infirmary.

Her wound was a burn on her left hand. A slight low-temperature burn on her right knee. When she fell, she hurt her left knee a bit. It looked like her left hand was a bit awful.

She let the burns cool, then applied an ointment, covered with a bandage, insured and strap up.

All she had to do is wash, disinfect, and apply an ointment.

The time was about fifteen minutes, but during that period, the members of the red club stayed in front of the infirmary and nobody could get close, so it became a bit of a scandal.

So the nurse told her to rest, but she rejected that and immediately left the infirmary.

At the time, she was surrounded by a group of black school uniforms and in the meantime, she was led into a somewhat crowded empty classroom.

Several desks and chairs were stacked in one corner, and an old black leather couch was placed in the shape of three triangles. Juice cans and bottles were placed on the central floor, and it was really like a "gathering place".

Oh, Suoh? Suoh left her with the nurse and left immediately, but where did he go? He wasn't there either.

He had helped her and she wanted to thank him.

Sitting on one of the couches, Totsuka, who was sitting next to her, offered her some juice and looked at her left hand, which was bandaged.

"The burn on your left hand seems to be a bit terrible. You should go to the hospital after school."

At her words, Yata, who was near the door, made his shoulders explode.

"Yes. I am concerned. I hope there are no marks left."

Scars?

"Scars, what ..."

That didn't matter to her.

When she smiled and shook her head, Totsuka frowned.

"Um...?"

"I have to find a new school again."

"Eh...?"

When Totsuka was surprised, his eyes rounded.

That was a bit strange.

She was sure that this person was also in the yard. It was very strange to see that and not think "why?"

She smiled selfishly and slowly spread her hands.

"I have a power that ordinary people don't have. Did you see it? A while ago, in the courtyard. I did that in the previous school. I broke the school building in half, injuring a lot of people. That made me incapable of stay at the old school."

"……"

"That is exactly what Munakata-senpai said. I hurt a lot of people with my abilities. I have done something irreparable."

People from the red club were looking at her.

"Living as a 'normal person' in this school. Hide the ability. Never let my abilities go crazy. Do not disturb anyone, just control myself, do not stand out anyway and live calmly. That's what I imagined."

But it does not work. No way, and it all happened on the first day.

Oh, no matter how she fixed it, she was a "monster".

"Guh!"

She couldn't do anything else.

It went dark in front of her.

That show that never went away while kept burning in her mind.

Perhaps even a big earthquake happened, a part of the school building was ruined and turned into ruins.

Students who were at that time. A blue sheet placed in the schoolyard. The groan that filled the place. A bloodstained towel. And…

Involuntarily, she clenched her back teeth tightly.

She was unharmed. It was as if she was protected by the light emitted from her body.

A mixed look of amazement and fear towards her. It soon turned into disgust. Neither her friends, her classmates nor her eldest looked at her. They didn't try to get involved. Even the teacher looked away from her.

Even her family was scared and they always tried to be in a good mood. If they were in a bad mood, that house would be destroyed next. Her parents believed they could be attacked.

She lost everything that was important at the time.

She didn't want to repeat that feeling.

"No, wait. Um, Konohana-san, right? You don't have to do that. Konohana-san, you can stay here. Rather, I think you should be in this school. The "Ashinaka Super High School" is a school. where talented people meet."

"Eh? Are you gathering talented people?"

"That's right. Did you ask anyone about extracurricular activities?"

"That is…"

She had heard it.

But it was a story where you could use special abilities when you entered a special club, wasn't it a story that people with abilities met in this school?

At her words, Totsuka understood easily.

"That's right. That's true for most, but some people have the ability before joining the club, like you."

"Ah… Before joining?"

"Yes. It is training. But that is not what I mean. The important thing is that there are many talented people in this school. The skills are both congenital and acquired. That is this. It is the 'normal' of the school. You understand It is not "abnormal"."

"It is normal..."

"Yes, no one discriminates against talented people."

Discriminate?

"But... that person, Munakata-senpai said that I should give up..."

"That's because your ability is a mystery. I think I wanted to have it on hand before the hardships happened. It seems that Strains are rarely born outside of the school island."

Does that mean that she was a "foreigner" among talented people?

"You are so different from other talented people that he wanted to keep you close and monitor you."

She involuntarily clenched her back teeth and squeezed her skirt tightly.

Her burned left hand ached, prompting tears.

Why? Why did he have that ability?

The overflowing sound slid gently down her cheeks, and the voice of Totsuka and the members of the red club breathing in the room echoed out.

She didn't need something like that. That is why she lost everything. On top of that, he said it was different in another way and will likely be a target in the future. Until she surrenders, until she's under his control.

She didn't want to be a talented person. She wanted to be normal.

All she wanted was "peace". That was all.

Normally, she just wanted to enjoy school life every day. Why wasn't even that allowed?

"Usually I want to enjoy school life. I don't need any skills..."

"Uh..."

That's when she told him to leave her and roughly wiped her tears away.

"That was wrong!"

Yata, who had been standing in front of the door until then, suddenly threw himself in front of her and sat on the ground. Then, with a loud voice echoing through the room, he screamed, "It was wrong!", and rubbed his forehead against the floor.

"Eh? Ah…"

"That knife, I threw it at you!"

"……!"

""I threw the knife thrown by the monkey! Well, that's why I was the one who created the opportunity for you to use your skills!"

So it was like that.

But beyond that, she didn't know what to say.

She may have misinterpreted him as angry. Yata looked up and stared at her, then leaned down to slam his forehead hard against the ground again.

"The knife flame was probably me too! I hurt you...!"

But it was probably she who created the pillar of fire, and it was Yata who was injured.

She shook her head and wanted to say it. No, she was trying to say it.

But before that, Yata raised his head again, stared at her and yelled, "I won't let you do that!"

His eyes pierced her and held burning flames.

Dedicated to it, he gasped.

"Yata-kun..."

"Thanks to you, I didn't hurt the average student! And yet my benefactor saved you... Let me make it up to you!"

"Huh? But the wound is..."

"I will never let them monitor and control you! I will not let you do that!"

She involuntarily lost her words at the powerful scream.

"I won't let the blue club do anything! I promise to take care of other departments too!"

There was no hesitation in his hot eyes.

It was a trustworthy word that she could understand from the bottom of her heart and made her heart warm.

"I'll protect you!"

"Ah…"

"It has nothing to do with talented people or Strain! You are you! Enjoying normal school life, it is not allowed to do anything to you! Absolutely!"

"Yata-kun ..."

"Like I said, you'll be fine! So... uh, uh, don't cry, uh... that face..."

Yata lowered his eyebrows as if he was in trouble.

But still, Yata did not take his eyes off her.

"Guh..."

The tears overflowed again.

"What?! Did I say something strange?! Or did your wound hurt?"

Yata fluttered hastily and looked at her.

He was wrong. That was not. What should he do? She was happy.

She was a "monster" and there were people who wanted to "protect" her.

She could have hope and "peace", be "normal". That was forgiven.

She never thought that she would get a word like that.

Oh what should she do? She was happy!

When she brought her hands together, she squeezed her eyes tight.

Yata's worried voice, "Hey, Konohana…" made her heart flutter.

"Ah…"

She was glad. Her heart was full and she couldn't say anything more.

She could not believe it. From that day on, her life was going to change completely. She had experienced it. They hurt her and she suffered. It was still in her, too vivid a memory.

Talented people weren't special. She could stay at this school. She should calm down. Although she was happy with just that word, they would protect her.

She now she was normal.

She could enjoy her school life in peace and safety.

Will she be forgiven? Such thing. Furthermore, she, who caused such an incident...

(Oh, but I don't want to be a "monster" anymore! I'm so scared of myself! I want to recover "every day".), she thought.

"Hmm..."

Nobody said anything anymore.

Yata didn't even say, "Don't cry."

They were all there, silent.

A bell rang on the way to announce the start of classes, but no one seemed to mind that.

He was kind and gentle and surrounded her.

"Konohana?"

Kamamoto looked at her.

After skipping class for an hour, she returned to the classroom with Yata and Kamamoto, but she was scared and she stopped in front of the door.

Kamamoto breathed as she clasped her hands, holding her breath.

"Are you afraid?"

"……"

"Okay. There's Yata-san. I'm also."

"It's true, but..."

"Okay. Maybe there's nothing Konohana should be worried about."

Was that so?

Was it really possible that they saw her with the same eyes as this morning when she knew nothing happened?

"Okay. Come in."

But she couldn't escape.

She couldn't say that she couldn't get into the classroom if she was going to stay at that school.

She took a deep breath and desperately suppressed the tremors in her body.

When she looked up, Yata looked at her and opened the door.

Kamamoto patted him on the back.

She takes a breath and half shaking she enter the classroom.

"…!"

Immediately afterwards, the classroom, which had been noisy until then, quieted down.

At that moment, something cold ran down her back.

Ah! Ah! After all, she couldn't lift her face and closed her eyes. Was when…

"Hey, Saya-chan!"

It was Kukuri's strong voice.

Then there were turbulent steps and they grabbed her by the shoulders.

When she opened her eyes in amazement, Kukuri's crying face appeared right in front of her.

"I was worried! Oh, bandages! You're hurt! Oh, your legs! Do you hurt? Are you okay? I was worried because you didn't come back soon."

Shiro and his friends also run towards her with other classmates.

Was this a reality?

"Kukuri-chan..."

"Thanks for your help on the courtyard! I'm sorry I couldn't thank you right away!"

That said, Kukuri hugged her.

The warmth of her finally made her realize that this was not a dream.

Her back back of her nose hurt, and at the same time, her chest.

"Kukuri-chan... Am I not unpleasant?"

"Hey, why?"

Kukuri looked into her eyes as if she didn't really understand her meaning.

"Because, this ability..."

"Yeah?! I don't believe that at all. You were great as an ally of justice, right?"

"Ah..."

"Because you are a lifesaver, I don't think I could feel uncomfortable. Tell me if there is anyone who thinks otherwise! I will preach for about three hours! Hey?"

At Kukuri's words, Shiro and Yatogami took control.

"Ah..."

Oh, she already understood... what should she do? She was happy.

The exact opposite of the previous school. But it may be that she used to hurt people with her abilities, and this time she protected people with her abilities. Still, it's the same thing that was destroyed here and there with the non-human ability. However, by no means, would it be accepted like this!

"Eh? Saya-chan? Why are you crying?"

"Gohan~? What's wrong? Does it hurt?"

Both of her hands caressed it gently.

That invited more tears.

When she suddenly looked for Yata, he was already moving by the window.

When Yata looked into her eyes, he turned red and turned away from her. That was not the case a little while ago. Kamamoto gave him a small blow.

Finally, she was relieved.

She took a deep breath and put her hand on Kukuri's back.

++++++++++

"Yata-san! I'm here!"

Around the same time that the teacher was leaving the main room, the members of the red club entered and greeted Yata.

"Oh, come in."

"Understood."

"Wow, Saya-chan."

"Eh?"

Wow, she?

As she prepared to go home while glancing at him, she was shocked when she was suddenly called by her name. Surprised, she looked at the boy who was looking at her with a smiling face.

"What?"

"Oh, hi. I'm Chitose Yo. This guy next to me is Dewa. We're sophomores and members of the red club."

"Chitose-san and Dewa-san?"

"Yeah. The blonde over there is Eric. It was a bit noisy to get into the room, I wonder if it would have been better later. Let's go first."

Eh? Where?

"This is your bag."

"Eh?"

"Yes. Princess. Please give me your hand. Right hand. Take your left hand, don't you?"

"Eh?"

What? What was happening?

When she looked at Yata with a feeling of confusion, for no apparent reason, he turned red and turned around. Kamamoto who was next to her raised his hand and said: "Okay."

But that was it. She did not understand the meaning.

As she filled her head with question marks, they gently lifted her up and carried her out of the classroom.

(What? Well, wait. Where are we really going?), she thought.

"Ah, that? Where are we going?"

"Let's go to the red club room."

"Eh? Let's have lunch, that?"

"Oh, no. Not there. It's where we usually hang out."

Eh? Oh, that's right, Totsuka said, "We rarely use the place for lunch."

"Yes. That's right. I'll show you, so follow me."

He asked Dewa to please give him her bag, while Chitose tugged at his hand.

A boy in sunglasses and a hoodie under his school uniform pushed his back.

Behind it was a slim blond boy. Next to them, a boy who seemed to be serious, although his hair was standing on end, seemed to be calm. There were many others.

Yata was the first to walk. Kamamoto followed him diagonally behind.

Kamamoto suddenly turned around and raised his hand saying, "Okay."

Really? No, she didn't think Yata and his friends would do something to her.

But was she worried after all? Because she didn't understand the meaning or the intention.

Why were they trying to take her to the red club?

The appearance of walking surrounded by the members in black school uniforms of the red club seemed strange, and all the students who passed by had round eyes.

"It's unreasonable, it's not good."

Anna Kushina. A mysterious Japanese teacher, a beautiful girl with long straight hair and big red eyes, looked like a girl.

It was Chitose, not Yata, who replied with a smile: "I understand."

Anna nods and passes without stopping.

She looked back over her shoulder and saw Dewa.

"Huh? What happens now?"

"Anna-sensei. Doesn't she know?"

"No, I know. I know."

"Oh, Anna-sensei, the red club advisor."

After thinking about the meaning of her question for a moment, Dewa convinced her. It was true, that's why she couldn't resist.

"We got to the living room. Yes, let's go."

"Ok. You can change clothes yourself!"

Chitose, who tried to be fragile, is hastily stopped and their shoes are changed.

Oh, she's already seen it! She can look at it with a sense of interest!

However, apart from her, they march around her began again, probably because they didn't mind the direct gaze of other students.

She was embarrassed and lightly clasped her hands in front of her chest and denied.

"Oh, should I go to the girls' dorm? I'm out of school, but something..."

Eh?!

"Is this outside of school? Even though it's a clubroom?!"

"I wonder if it is a clubroom or a place that replaces the clubroom."

"Yeah? Well that's..."

"By the way, do you think Anna-sensei and other teachers will get mad when they find out I'm going in there?"

Would they be offended?

When she asked them all of a sudden, not all of them showed a congested expression, they just looked at each other and said, "Okay."

"Yes. It's fine during the day."

She got more anxious.

It was like that, they walked a bit. She went to a bar where they took her.

The name of the store is "HOMRA".

"Homura?"

"Yes. Homura. The common name of the red club."

It was strange. Was the red club commonly known as Homura?

Retro look and nice British flair. The deep, calm red was very impressive. The gold lettering "BAR", the lights and the exterior menu board were very atmospheric and liquorous.

The tenant on the first floor... but the building itself was made of brick and the window frame was dark green. It felt like you were on an English street that you see in the movies.

She knew it was prejudice, but it wasn't a "bad hangout."

"Oh, I see. It's fine during the day because it's a bar."

"Yes, please!"

Chitose opened the door with a smile.

A bright caramel colored wooden counter that can be seen as antique. A wooden floor that squeaked when you stepped on it. A classic that flowed smoothly. Various traditional and elegant interiors. The spacious couch seats looked very comfortable.

At the back of the counter, there were many bottles of liquor.

One person was polishing glasses, had shiny auburn hair and purple glasses. She wondered if he was the age of a college student. He was like an older brother with a big smile.

"Oh, that boy?"

The boy smiled as he watched her enter.

"Then Kusanagi-san, do something sweet."

Perhaps he arrived a little earlier, Totsuka, who came out the back, beckoned her to come.

"Yes, sit there on the couch."

"Eh? Ah, that..."

"Saya-chan, right? You don't like it?"

"Huh? Oh, I can't drink alcohol."

When she answered that while she was sitting on the couch, they looked at her like everyone was shocked for a moment.

Eh?

"Ah, that?"

"Well, did you think they'd be drunk? Well, it's definitely a bar here, right? But it's not good for minors. It's a waste."

She smiled and waved her hand.

She believed that it was different for not drinking because it is not good...

Oh, but that's not what she just said.

She shook her head, looked at Totsuka and then looked back at the young man.

"I thought they were drunk, but it was about making sweets. I'm not good at cakes made with western liquor, nor compotes boiled in alcohol, although I skipped the alcohol and the rum raisins. I mean, sorry. I think I am. I said many words."

"Oh, that's how it is."

"Wow, did you think it was going to be bad?"

"Saya-chan."

She felt bad. In a hurry, he waved his hands and apologized, and put the glass he had polished on the shelf and laughed mischievously.

"If you forgive a man too much, he will eat you, don't you think?"

Eh?!

"Hmm, wait a minute. Look, you guys are scaring the princess, don't you think?"

"Ah, that?"

Eh?! Princess?!

She was surprised to hear that, but the boy started to prepare.

When she looked at Kamamoto, who was standing next to him, Kamamoto said "Oh." and he point to the young man with his hand.

"Izumo Kusanagi. He is a college student at 0B and from the red club. He is the same age as Mikoto. He is the owner of this bar."

What should she be surprised about?

Is he the same age as Suoh? Does that mean Suoh was repeating a year? So he was a college student and a business owner? College student?!

"Kusanagi-san, what about Mikoto-san?"

"He comes in the afternoon, now he is sleeping."

Kusanagi responds without stopping to Yata's question.

"Oh, upstairs? The second floor is also a store?"

"He has nothing to do with the store. He's using the empty room on the second floor as a nap spot. He's the King."

"King..."

"Mikoto-san…"

At Kamamoto's complementary explanation, she looked ahead.

Late? So after that he came there? What? And the lessons?

"The basement is the storeroom for the store and it feels like our gathering place."

"I'll tell you. Even though I'm immersed in this all year, it's never been quiet in the basement and they've interrupted my business."

At Chitose's words, involuntarily, she chuckled softly.

"Oh, now you have a nice smile."

Then Totsuka laughed, gestured with his thumb and forefinger, and looked at her.

"You brought her in because you wanted to see her smile, right? Yata."

"Eh?"

When she looks at Yata sitting on the counter, Yata turned his bright red face and turned around, saying, "Ah, that's not it!" She's been thinking about it since noon, but maybe Yata was really shy?

"Yata-kun, really?"

"Ah...! But I said you would have fun in your school life!"

When asked, Yata yelled as he looked away. His profile was tinted red, and surprisingly the red was turning redder.

He somehow embarrassed her and her cheeks heated up.

"That's right. That's why Saya-chan…"

Chitose knelt on the ground and reached out in front of her.

"Plays with us."

"……!"

"Oh, I said it, it's not because Saya-chan is a Strain. I'm sure she created that pillar of fire. I'm glad she protected the students in general. No, I'm really grateful. I think she is. It does worst thing to do to injure a student in general."

When she shook her shoulders, Chitose rushed to shake her hands and said, "Oh! I don't blame Saya-chan!"

"We want you to join this special club, we have skills too. It's different from you that you didn't even know you had the skills. We got them because we wanted it. I think there is a great responsibility there."

Totsuka looked at her and said calmly.

"That's right. It's like Chitose said."

"Everyone in the red club is grateful to Saya-chan."

"Really...?"

(Wow, thankful to me? Um... why did I do that?), she thought.

She was confused and denied, but everyone was smiling at her.

"Yes. Thank you. Oh, and we're sorry that your hand got hurt, Saya-chan. I'm not saying that because I feel responsible, only Yata got hurt."

"Eh?"

"The rest is fine. Because the red club has a reputation for being bad. It's great that you didn't see us with that kind of eyes, but, above all, seeing those tears and doing nothing would make a man leave."

"Chitose-san..."

"We're having fun. Maximize that out now. I want Konohana-san to have fun. So I thought. That's why you came to this school, right?"

"Totsuka-senpai..."

But, she was a different "Strain".

(I'm happy, but...! But it can be a hassle!), she thought.

However, no one seemed to care about that. Why?

On the contrary, everyone was very happy.

"I'm happy. The first female member! It's the first time I've seen it of all generations, isn't it? Kusanagi-san!"

"Saya-chan. It certainly is. There has never been a female member in the red club. I hope you join the club."

Kusanagi, who came out of the counter, said that and placed a fruit-filled parfait in front of her. It was cute and it looked delicious.

"Yes, here you go."

"Oh, thanks! It looks delicious..."

Well, everything was getting really good. It would be good?

The moment she received the spoon that was offered to her while thinking about it, the floor creaked.

They all looked back in surprise. Kusanagi also laughed and stood up slowly.

"Good morning, Mikoto."

Suoh, who came down from the second floor, yawning sleepily.

No one said anything, and naturally everyone turned away. There was nothing to block his red eyes staring at her.

Great charisma. A bottomless flame.

She shrugged reflectively.

That wasn't horror, it was amazement... she felt a bit shocking.

"……"

Looking at her like this, Suoh scratched his head.

Then he took a little breath and walked over to her silently and sat down casually next to her.

"Hey."

"Oh, yeah!"

"If you feel like it, join."

The hand that reached out in front of her, made her eyes open inadvertently.

She was instantly engulfed in flames, and she gasped.

"Eh?"

"Okay, it's like a rite of passage."

Totsuka told her gently, and she turned to look at him.

"A rite of passage?"

"Yes. Sorry, but it is absolutely necessary to join the red club. There are many people who cannot take that hand and stop joining, but trust."

Totsuka wiped the smile on his lips and looked directly at her.

"Trust me. We, the red club, will never hurt you."

"……"

Looking at Yata, there were some members who seemed a bit concerned, but his gaze was very sincere, determined, direct, and fiery.

She was relieved, it should be fine. She had just met them, but she could believe it. There were no lies in those words. They would protect her. She looked at everyone around her.

They were all staring at her.

She swallowed her breath and looked at him.

That's why? There was no wonder or anxiety.

Without anxiety, she had no reason to be surprised.

This is where her words wanted to come out of her throat.

When she pursed her lips, in the hand that held the flame, she placed her hand.

#k #k project #k wonderful school days #gakuen k #novel #yata misaki #suoh mikoto #totsuka tatara #kamamoto rikio #munakata reisi #fushimi saruhiko

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musicallisto · 3 years

Note

Hello love,

Congratulations for the 800 followers! You absolutely deserve this and so much more! I'm happy to see how your blog grows and that you're still providing all of us with wonderful content. You're one of the first blogs that I've started to follow here on Tumblr and I'm so lucky to have found your blog ♡

As for your celebration event, could I please request a 🍨 vanilla milkshake with a male Peaky Blinders Character?

I'm more on the curvy side (and insecure about it) and I'm ALWAYS wearing black (which I love, no matter what others say or even more if they object). As for my personality, I'm a highly complex, paradox and complicated individium. I'm unbelievable patient, timid, awkward, kind, forgiving, open-minded, compassionate, thruthful, gentle and calm and I've been told that I have a calming effect on others, that I can easily ground anyone and anything, no matter how troubled their mind is. I prefer vintage over modern things. I think rather deep which often leads me to overthinking everything, which in turn leads me to doubting (very much) myself. You would be surprised how timid and reserved I am, I'm sure you wouln't notice me in a room full of people if it wouldn't be for my different appearance (but I like it this way). I'm always well-meaning, yet often misunderstood (maybe because it's hard for me to articulate myself). I can be incredible lazy, clumsy and forgetful. I've always felt like I don't really belong anywhere, so I've started to distance myself from others a while ago. I'm a outsider, weird, a dork, not normal, a loner and I fucking love it, because I like to be different, I would hate to fit into just one box and to be like everyone else. And I like people who are not ashamed to be their 100% true self, no matter how different that is from the mainstream. I'm the most loyal person you'll ever find, once you earn my trust, I'll always be on/by your side, no matter what. That says a lot, because I'm hard to scare away. Sometimes I feel alienated from the people and things surrounding me and I'm sure that I annoy and bore them. I'm very nervous and insecure around others, which is why I try to avoid people and why I'm not talking all that much around them (though, I'm a really good listener). I'm easily overwhelmed by large crowds and much light/noise, that's why I don't like to go outside, I prefer to cozy up at home. I would never intentionally hurt a animal and I'm not eating any meat, which is very important to me. I believe that there isn't a ounce of cruelty inside me. I'm unassuming and understanding, I only believe what I've witnessed on my own and I have endless acceptance for almost everything. Due to my Insomnia, I'm a night owl. I have strong personal values, am very opinionated and I'm really in-touch with myself and even though I'm extremly insecure, I would never reduce or change myself and views/opinions for someone and I neither have a problem to challenge authority and advocating for my beliefs. I'm a perfectionist and sometimes I really hate it. And, as you can see, I'm unable to be brief. My favourite colours are dark green, black, gold and dark purple. My greatest passion is music, even if I can't sing or play an instrument.(I prefer rock/punk/pop/80s/90s) It's the most calming and therapeutic thing when it comes to my anxiety and depression and I could never live a day without it. You will never see me in the street without headphones in my ears and even when I'm at home there's music playing almost all the time. I could talk for hours about music and what it means to me. And otherwise I love to watch films and series (I like fantasy, horror, psychological thriller, science fiction and psychological drama and almost anything from the 70s, 80s and 90s). I love rainy days and to go outside while it's pouring big, fat drops. What I love the most is to drive around without a destination, while talking and listening to music. And I love to spend time with my cat, if I could, I would have endless animals who live peacefully and loved with me. I enjoy to have deep talks and to be challenged to think. I love to take late-night-strolls, while gazing into the sky and watching the stars/moon. I have a fascination for dark and macabre things.

I really hope that's not too much? But thank you anyway ♡

Have a good day!

thank you so much for your kind words, you have no idea how much it means to me to know that I was one of the first blogs you followed ;; here’s your vanilla milkshake - and it’s also my first time writing for peaky blinders, but I hope it’s alright; and I hope finn shelby will find the portrait I paint of him accurate enough...

Birmingham was a drab and disheartening place enough without the war adding to its joylessness; but somehow the streets are even worse to bear deserted than when they’re bustling and fetid. Especially for a ten year old boy who wants nothing but to play with someone, to talk to someone, to see someone.

With his brothers off fighting somewhere in France and his aunt too busy with her businesses (adult stuff that Finn has absolutey no interest in attempting to understand), the youngest Shelby has been fighting off an affliction worse than consumption and measles, because much more insidious for a boy his age; boredom

and he’s so sad, so irrevocably sad, with no one to bruise his knees with and throw mud at, that he just aimlessly wanders the empty streets whenever aunt Polly isn’t looking, to find a semblance of stimulation

(he used to enjoy the solitude, it gave him time to imagine delirious stories in fantastical worlds and read the most enthralling of novels, but not anymore. four years of reclusion is an awfully long time for a little boy.)

and it’s during one of his escapades that he first meets you

you’re a little girl his age, dressed in a pretty dress, wearing pretty booties and holding a pretty little woven basket, but your face is stuck on the most grouchy frown he’s ever seen on a little girl, and you don’t walk, you stomp down the wet pavement like a wrathful titan

And it’s probably the first time in four years that he’s been this close to making a new friend, so he walks up to you, despite how rusty his communication skills have become

“Girls don’t frown. It’s unbecoming.”

(Yes, pretty rusty indeed; but in his defense, he’s ten, he’s bored, he’s lonely, and he’s only ever heard Ada say it, and Ada is the most level-headed of his siblings, so anything she says must be true, right?)

“Shut up.”

(Well, if it was unbecoming of you to frown, it’s even more to rebuff someone so rudely. You don’t even spare a glance and continue walking; he has to hurry to catch up to you.)

“You can’t say that. It’s a bad word.”

“How do you know that?”

“My family says it all the time, but they told me I can’t say it.”

“Well, my family is not your family. And I hate my family!”

You’ve yelled the last words at the sky, so loud that the crows on the neighboring roofs have taken off in a startled flight.

“They want to wear this stupid dress to go to the stupid market to buy stupid meat. I don’t even want to eat meat, that’s cruel! And I don’t even want to wear a frilly dress! I want to wear black!”

And in saying so you tugged at the pink and white ribbons that encircled your waist.

And Finn couldn’t help being extremely intrigued at this little girl who said bad words and refused to eat meet and wanted to wear black. It was the most exciting thing to ever happen in all the duration of the war.

“You want to wear a black dress?”

“Yes, but my mama won’t let me. She says it’s too sad because of the war. But black isn’t sad! Black is beautiful!”

“Maybe I could find you a black dress. I’m sure my sister must have one. Where do you live?”

And, loyal to his promise, the following morning he had run to your doorstep and snuck into your house - a proper Shelby talent, to be able to go unnoticed or make a ruckus depending on the occasion - with an old, crinkled mourning dress of Ada’s, that had probably belonged to his mother and had been mended several times

And it was obviously five sizes too big for you and you looked more like a ghost from one of Finn’s horror novels, your arms floating in the sleeves and the hem of the skirt pooling at your feet, but your smile was the brightest light he’d ever seen in this whole damn town.

“Do you like it?”

(He didn’t really know why he sounds so nervous. Maybe it was having a friend, a real friend, and doing something personal for them... or maybe it had to do with how fast his heart beat, watching you in that gigantic, shapeless dress)

“I love it! Thank you so much, Finn!”

From then on started one of the most wonderful friendships Finn would ever have, and what would bring a ray of light to the grim existence of a little boy in the midst of a global war

Despite the ration cards, despite the loneliness, despite the worry that tugged at his stoic aunt’s eyes for her son and nephews across the Channel... he found an unspeakable solace in your friendship

And one day, without a trace, you were gone

He knocked on your door; gone. He asked all the neighbors what had happened to the family that lived there; gone. He wrote you letters and sent them to the confines of England; gone. He got scolded by Polly for marking numbers at random on Tommy’s state-of-the-art telephone; gone.

Suddenly he was back to the bleak existence he had battled with before meeting you, and the hollow inside his chest only grew wider as the days went on, because he had no explanation as to what had happened to you, and worried every single day

Thankfully, the war ended not long after, and his brothers came back home, all alive and unscathed - well, for the most part

Fast forward more or less ten years, and much has changed in Finn Shelby’s life and in old Birmingham, but the memory of you still stugs at his heartstrings

One evening, he’s tasked by Arthur to run some errands, send a few messages, scout a few places; the most dangerous thing his older brothers will ever let him do

His task leads him to a bar in the center of town, one that pours its joyous light and music into the street outside; he’s there to meet with a client, arrange a meeting; nothing he’s hasn’t done already

But the evening takes a turn for the unexpected when he recognizes the girl sat alone at a table, enjoying the musicians’ jazz with an air of pure bliss on her face

It’s been ten years, of course, but... it’s unmistakable. That face, that silhouette, and the black ensemble from head to toe... and he’s always had a knack for remembering faces, especially those that mark him deeply

Suddenly he’s frozen on the spot, and he has forgotten why he came to the bar in the first place, what his target looks like - all he knows is you, and how beautiful you look in the dim light of the bar, and the undisclosed and unknown feelings he had for you at the time come flooding back.

Except this time, he understands, and he fears them, because he doesn’t have time for any of this, and it’s way too dangerous for you and him

But he can’t just pass you by and not say a word?

He swallows, hard.

And walks up to you.

“Y/N?”

You open your eyes, and your face flashes with recognition, and a little bit of pain as well. Even if you fled without a word, and left him hanging all these years, he’s incapable of rancor

“Finn... wow, you’ve changed so much.”

“You haven’t.”

He gestures at your face, your clothes, how you savor the music like the finest drink in the world, and you laugh and blush, sending his heart into overdrive

“Where were you all this time?”

“I’m so sorry, Finn... my brother died in the war, and... my mom sent me to live with my grandparents in Scotland. We were all destroyed by grief... I needed to get away.”

“Without explanation? Not even a word?”

“I wanted to write to you, so bad, but... I couldn’t remember your address. I couldn’t remember anything about Birmingham at all...”

He nods, slowly, in understanding.

The war opens wounds that never heal, even after all the most beautiful friendships and love stories in the world.

“But I’m really glad I found you.”

His heart is pounding in his throat. Maybe it’s a sign of destiny that he found you here, tonight, alone, and ready to welcome him back. Maybe it’s a word from fate, that you can never truly be apart.

So he takes the seat in front of you, and you smile, that shy but bright smile of yours, and he forgets all about his mission, his client, and his brothers.

They’ll have to understand.

800 follower sleepover

#lunamooney2406 #sleepover800 #ship request #peaky blinders #peaky blinders ship #finn shelby #finn shelby x reader #peaky blinders headcanons #finn shelby headcanons #for some reason the first thing I write for a new fandom is always SUPER LONG but that's because i get rlly in my feelings

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halfway-happyyy · 4 years

Text

Soft Alexander things:

Possesses an actual heart of gold.

Feeling a wee bit under the weather today? Oh, he’s got you covered. Literally. He empties out the blanket cupboard at the end of the hallway, searching for the one he knows you love the most. He’ll call his mom with a list of your symptoms (even if he knows its just a cold) and report back a half an hour later with her coveted chicken noodle soup recipe. “We’ll get you feeling better in no time, kid.”

He loves a good, roaring fire. He’ll build one out in the back yard, even if it’s only just him who sits around it. Eventually you’ll humor the elder Swede and join him around the blazing fire, settling into the warmth of his lap as you do so.

Thunder and lightning. He knows how much you adore the sound and scent of rain showers, so he checks the weather ahead of time and sets up wicker chairs and blankets on the front porch so that you can watch as close as you can without getting wet.

He knows how much your dog Milo detests thunderstorms, so he checks the weather ahead of time and makes sure to cuddle the pup extra hard when one rolls in. “It’s okay, Milo… papa’s got you. You’re safe with me.”

Every now and then, he loves being the little spoon, which makes your heart sing louder than you could ever express.

Went a little too hard at wine night with your best friend? You hesitate to pick up the phone to call him. He'd just flown home from a shoot two nights ago… but he picks up on the second ring. Tells you he'll be there in a half an hour. When he rolls up, he gets out of the car to help you to your side. He's already got a bucket in the front seat in case you wretch on the way home. Which you do. Multiple times. He's got your window cracked half way, the chill of the wind as he speeds home helps to calm the roiling, chardonnay-induced waves in your stomach. When the car finally glides to a halt, he rushes around to your side of the door to help you out of it and into the house. He scoops you up into his arms and makes a beeline for the washroom, where he settles you gently against the porcelain bowl. “I'm right here, kid… better out than in.” He ties your hair into a sloppy bun and rubs your back in soothing circles until the sun greets you a couple of hours later.

When you eventually stir the next morning and your head feels like it's splitting in two, he'll have already set a glass of ice water and two extra strength Tylenol on the wooden counter next to you.

Has saved every single birthday card and Christmas card your grandparents have ever given him. “I love them so much, kid… Way too important to ever throw away.”

Laughs at his own jokes consistently. Even if they're terrible. To the point that it has now become equally as (if not more so) funny to you. After his laughter has subsided, he'll often turn to you, expression deadpan, and murmur, “it must be difficult dating someone so hilarious.”

For an entire year after Alexander landed the part of Tarzan, your ringtone for him whenever he called was Baltimora's 'Tarzan Boy'. Oh oh oh Oh OH oh oh oH oh OH...

Designates a pocket in his favourite suitcase to love letters you've written him. “I pull them out when I’m in my trailer and missing you too much.”

Lives for live concerts and outdoor music festivals. He especially likes that he can be anyone he wants when he attends. His six-foot four figure disappears easily in large crowd, where it can't really do that anywhere else.

Sweden. He has accepted (and is gracious) for the way in which the US has welcomed him so kindly, but no matter how far away he roams, Sweden will always be home to him.

Knows when you need a really good cuddle. Can sense it the moment you step through the door after a long day. He listens for the familiar sound of your keys in the glass dish in the front foyer. He'll watch you trod up the stairs to your room and wait about ten minutes while he finishes up dinner. He appears in the doorway of your room silently; regards your figure splayed out on the bed. He won't ask you what's wrong- that can be discussed later. For now, he'll just lay down beside you, curling his much larger body around yours and pressing reassuring kisses to the nape of your neck.

Sings in the shower. Musical performances run every morning and include anything from Frank Sinatra to ABBA to the latest Adele tune.

Cooking. He doesn’t get to do it nearly as often as he’d like, but he really enjoys it when he does. Where you prefer to bake (cakes, breads, pies) he has a natural talent for throwing foods and flavours together and having them taste wonderfully. He’s also been known to host dinner parties; friends and family from Sweden, or costars, you name it, they’ve probably taken a seat at your dining table.

Has no problem having real, live pythons draped around his shoulders but that ridiculously tiny house spider in the corner of the bathroom this morning? He practically put a pricetag on its head for you.

On nights when the sky is impossibly clear, he'll drive you down to a spot so that you guys can watch the stars swim across the inky night sky together. He could go on for hours about astronomy if you let him (and you do) because you love the sound of his voice, and the passion with which he speaks. After a while, he'll sling an arm around your shoulders and kiss your cheek. "There's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be right now, than here with you, kid."

#all the soft feels today #alexander skarsgard #alexander skarsgard x reader #alex sstuff #drabble #writing #fluff

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polyamorousmisanthrope · 3 years

Text

📷I took five minutes to vacuum my closet the other day. It was part of my routine cleaning, no big deal. It was just a quick thing to check off on my cleaning list. I removed some boxes of stuff in the bottom, a few pairs of slippers, and vacuumed. I replaced the stuff and went on with my---

No. I didn't.

No, I looked at the bottom of the closet in a state of shock and burst out laughing.

I have spent a large portion of my life trying to get organized. When I was a child, "cleaning my room" really did mean tossing everything I could think of where to put it in a closet so that it looked tidy when Mom poked her head in. I was the child with the cubby under the desk in grade school so stuffed with papers and junk that it was simply impossible to add or find anything.

This level of disorganization bothered and embarrassed me. It really hurt and made me feel like a failure.

As a teenager, my backpack also became a mess of papers, random items, books, and paraphernalia (no, not that kind. In many ways, I was hopelessly square)

As an adult, it wasn't much better. My desk was full of bills to be paid, papers I didn't want to face, things that were vaguely sentimental but not enough to display anywhere. My closet?

That was still the place where I hid stuff I didn't have a place for but wanted the room at least to appear a little tidy.

How long from a stuffed closet to a tidy closet?

It took about thirty years.

I wasted a lot of that time, though. I addressed it in cycles. "Starting now, I'm finally going to get organized!" I'd spend several hours a day over a few weeks cleaning, organizing, and playing possessions Tetris with my home. After a month or so, know what? The house would look great!

Then, inevitably, the house would no longer look great. I'd clean the kitchen well enough to prevent food poisoning, but more than that? Not so much.

Ever done that? C'mon, it's okay. We all have.

Being tidy over time is all about consistent action.

You can, indeed, get the house clean with heroic effort, just as you can work really hard to train for an athletic event.

The problem comes in when you do something intense for a short period. As I mentioned in my last post, heroic effort is unsustainable.

Several of my favorite housekeeping systems (Flylady and Unfuck Your Habitat) talk about starting very small – shining your sink or making your bed. They are so right!

It's not about getting tidied or organized quickly. It's about developing consistent habits. For a lot of people, that's enough.

But for some…

Executive dysfunction can interfere with consistency.

If you have organizational or distraction issues, habits may not be enough. Autism, ADHD, and a host of other neurodivergent issues centered around executive dysfunction make it hard to do things that seem pretty obvious to the neurotypical person. What? You need to wash the dishes after a meal? No kidding. Go do it!

As I was writing this article, I broke for dinner. Guess what is in my sink right now?

I thought about it, got up, scrubbed the pan a little, realized it needed to soak some more, and sat back down here to write. Sure, sure, I'll get to it after I finish this, no biggie. But if my sink was full of dishes other than that pan, if I had laundry on my sofa, a desk drawer full of unaddressed bills, and my phone beeping that I needed to get up and get my car to the garage to get the brakes done, would I be getting back to that pan in any reasonable amount of time?

*Hollow laugh*

People with executive dysfunction issues can find their problems painful.

Maybe some people laugh and think it's cute to be disorganized. It never felt cute to me. It hurt because I had a hard time doing what I wanted to do. I was utterly desperate to get my life under control. Completely and utterly desperate from the time I was nine years old. That's a heavy load.

Jokes about executive dysfunction aren't cute.

I know the whole "squirrel!" joke about distractibility is mean to make people feel better and okay with themselves. I never wanted to be okay with chaos. I wanted the chaos to stop. It hurt. It interfered with accomplishing what I wanted to. It was exhausting. It used up time I wanted to spend on other things. I wanted a clean canvas so that when I jumped from obsession to obsession to obsession, I could feel like I was using that time intelligently rather than as a distraction from things that were bothering me.

Late fees, court cases, and lost jobs aren't cute, either.

There's an ADHD vlogger that I really like named Jessica McCabe. She's brilliant and adorable, and being a little bit of the manic pixie thing is part of her brand. It gets people to listen to broad issues of executive dysfunction. People will accept and listen to that stuff sometimes and find it palatable if someone is small and young and cute. (She's a LOT older than her looks or mannerisms would indicate, by the way).

So, the brilliant part. Quite sure McCabe knows what she's doing with that because sometimes she drops the adorable thing. The pain of being disorganized or having a hard time directing attention is very, very clear. If she weren't so cute, it would be unlikely as many people would listen to the important things she is saying. There's more to her than cute by a long shot. (And don't get me started on the sexism of it).

But that whole "cute" thing about disorganization. It's not so cute when unpaid bills land you in court. That has happened to me. With money in the BANK, that has happened to me! (Or without money. *shrugs* That, too). It's not cute when you have to buy a car at interest rates that are close to what you'd pay on a credit card. Yeah, that's happened, too. That we're in good financial shape now is a miracle.

There is a cultural narrative of *giggle* *giggle* "I'm so distractable!" to try to ameliorate the pain of being disorganized. Know what? It's not funny. It hurts.

Proscriptive solutions won't work.

I use a Bullet Journal just about with the out-of-the-box method that Ryder Carrol posted in that first video he did about it. I tried it, and it clicked.

Know what wouldn't have clicked? Someone making me do it when I was fifteen.

This is where you, if you have problems with executive dysfunction, might wonder if I can provide an answer for you. Know what? I can't.

I can say, "You need a Bullet Journal." I mean, I'll think it. I wouldn't say it. Know why? It won't necessarily work for you.

What I will say is that you need to find methods that work for you.

"Okay, smartybrat," I hear you cry, "if you can't offer a solution, what do I do?"

Create systems that support you

This is going to look different depending on how you think. Does a beepy reminder go bing! and prompt you to do stuff? Do you like to have a menu of tasks that you choose from depending on how easily they grab your attention in the moment?

What primes you to take action?

What plans have you followed through on (c'mon, you do have some if you're alive past 20), and what about them made you feel good?

My husband doesn't use a Bullet Journal. He plans his day using a calendar app. If there's an interrupt to a task, he'll move it to another free time. When you first try this, I strongly encourage you to multiply your estimation of task time by at least four until you get good at estimating how long something will take. If you have executive dysfunction issues you're struggling with, I'd bet at least a nickel that you're not good at estimating how long things take yet.

What stops you from taking action? Can you remove the interrupts?

A simple example would be to take the dirty clothes hamper's lid off if that's enough to discourage you from tossing your clothes in the hamper. Still, I'm not talking about "Tips 'n Tricks" here. I hate tips 'n tricks! They're like taking a Tylenol when you cut off your leg. You need to extrapolate that to life systems to support how you want to live.

Your system is useless until you define "good enough."

I could skip the next two or three times I need to vacuum my closet, and I wouldn't care. If I get to it every year or so, it's absolutely good enough. "Good enough" means I address my paperwork file once a week and clear it out. I don't have to do it every day unless I feel like it. "Good enough" is walking for five minutes on the hour around my living room until I get my 10,000 steps in. I don't have to walk for three miles unless I want to. "Good enough" is spreading up the bed and tossing the shams at the head. I don't have to bounce a quarter off the damn thing unless I get a wild hare to do that sometimes. Don't give yourself an image of perfection you have to attain, or you'll do nothing.

It's okay for "good enough" to change

Remember how it took thirty years to get to vacuuming a closet? There was a time when that chore wasn't on the "good enough" list, and ya know what? That's fine. Have your "good enough" be slightly, but only slightly, ahead of what you're currently doing if you want to make improvements. Incremental improvements over time, and I mean decades, are pretty dramatic when you look back.

Good enough can stay good enough

My exercise parameters have me getting in an average of 10,000 steps a day as measured over a month. That is never going to change. If the Spirit moves me, I'll do more. But I'm not going to keep raising the bar over and over and over. This is it. I'm good. I'm maintaining.

It takes decades to get your life in order. What small thing will you do today?

#executive dysfunction #adhd

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soulnottainted · 3 years

Note

Hiya!! How about Poseidon, Ares, Hephaestus, Erinyes and Calliope for Papa Prime, Knockout and the Bride

Greek Mythology Self Ship Asks @hedone26

Papa Optimus Prime

Poseidon: Do you and your f/o(s) like to travel? If so, where do you like to go? Is there anywhere you’d like to go that you haven’t yet?

I enjoy when Optimus takes me to natural places that are untouched. We've been to the Nevada National Park quite a bit! I've always wanted to take him where I'm from, in the North East, and show him all the places I've been and show him how I've always grown up!

Ares: Are you ever protective of your f/o(s)? Are they ever protective of you?

I'm protective of Optimus a lot of the time. I know he can hold his own, but I can't help but worry for his safety. He's self-sacrificed himself many times, and I'd be lost without him. I know that Optimus is protective of me too. He'd do anything for me, guard me with his life.

Hephaestus: Do you and your f/o(s) ever like to get gifts for one another? What kind of gifts?

Optimus sometimes goes out in holoform to get me something. Usually its normal human stuff to keep sane like a blanket or maybe a good smelling candle, but he is also a sentimental guy. One time he legit made me a little gift basket out of one of those wooden crates? Apparently June helped him make it, and he gave it to me when I was having a rough time loving myself. It was filled with self-care stuff, like some tea bags I always enjoy, a little box of tea biscuts, some wax melts, and even a hand written card. Optimus' handwriting for a Cybertronian in human form is absolutely beautiful by the way.

As for him, it's hard to get him gifts. I don't know what Cybertronians really need, but I did paint my jean vest to wear every single day, representing the Papa bot I've come to love and know so well.

The Erinyes: How does your f/o (or f/os) respond to someone mistreating you? Do they confront the person? Do they comfort you?

If someone is mistreating me, he has to hold back on confronting whoever hurt me, because he can't allow humans to see the bots....so he uses his holoform to confront them. But that's not before he pulls me aside and let me get my worries out and tears, holding me close to him in autobot form. He talks me through that what I've been through was unacceptable, and that whatever happened wasn't a reflection of myself at all, and that I should rest. His presence alone, autobot or not, would intimidate anyone when not dealing with his soft but strong personality.

Calliope: Do you have any poetry or literature excerpts (or other quotes) that suit your ship?

"You got the heart

You got the motion

You know that when things get too tough

You got the touch" (ofc from The Touch by Stan Bush)

Knockout

Poseidon: Do you and your f/o(s) like to travel? If so, where do you like to go? Is there anywhere you’d like to go that you haven’t yet?

Knockout likes to travel, but he doesn't like dirt roads, he says it ruins his paint. He likes to bring me to famous popular places that are on people's bucket lists to visit, like one time he drove me to Las Vegas to look at the strip's lights. It was super cool.

Ares: Are you ever protective of your f/o(s)? Are they ever protective of you?

I'm protective of KO, sure! But I know he can handle his own enough that I'm not overly protective. As for KO protective of me, sometimes he doesn't like to show it. But if you confront him about it, he will be like 'yes, she's my friend, and if you hurt her you are going to have an unexpected surgery'

Hephaestus: Do you and your f/o(s) ever like to get gifts for one another? What kind of gifts?

I give Knockout gifts that help him keep up with his appearance, because that's always a big deal to him. Mostly pads to help with his buffing up, a gift card to fix up his paint if it gets scratched or ruined...those type of things!

KO likes to take me out shopping for my own self confidence, so I guess the clothes he gets me are gifts!

The Erinyes: How does your f/o (or f/os) respond to someone mistreating you? Do they confront the person? Do they comfort you?

Oof you don't want to mess with me, because you will be messing with Knockout also, and trust me you don't want to do that! When KO sees me in tears, he quickly assesses me to see if I'm hurt physically (he is a doctor after all) and kneels down to ask me what happened. "What happened, dear? Who hurt you?!" he asks in an already aggravated tone, ready to drill into whoever I speak about. When I tell him what happened, he, with a fragile talon, wipes away some tears on my cheeks before telling me I didn't deserve that treatment, and to wait at the base until he comes back. And with that, he transforms as quick as he can, his wheels screaming on the pavement before racing off to deal with the "fleshy" who did that to me.

Calliope: Do you have any poetry or literature excerpts (or other quotes) that suit your ship?

I actually don't for this one!

The Bride

Poseidon: Do you and your f/o(s) like to travel? If so, where do you like to go? Is there anywhere you’d like to go that you haven’t yet?

She hasn't traveled far beyond Frankenstein's castle, but one day I'd like to take her to the countryside, just to see the calm beauty of it. I don't think she'd do well among living humans, so quiet places like that would be nice to bring her.

Ares: Are you ever protective of your f/o(s)? Are they ever protective of you?

Oh, she is EXTREMELY protective of me. One word said in a harsh tone from anyone to me, and she hisses at the person who said it. I'm her "pretty girl" and she would do anything for me, even if it means destroying someone else to protect me.

I'm also protective of her because of humans not understanding why she isn't a monster. She is learning, she is thinking, and has her own way of communication. I don't want her to get into danger when people are afraid of something different, aka The Bride.

Hephaestus: Do you and your f/o(s) ever like to get gifts for one another? What kind of gifts?

The Bride likes to make me things! She learned how to sew, probably from Erik, and she had made me a warm cape to wear out so I won't be cold.

I tend to pick her flowers whenever I see them, and whenever I bring them to her, she is in such awe from them!

The Erinyes: How does your f/o (or f/os) respond to someone mistreating you? Do they confront the person? Do they comfort you?

Kinda following the prompt of her being protective of me, there is no cooling off when she finds out someone has harmed me, she is full force going to harm whoever hurt me. She has the strength to do it, and she will do whatever it takes to sear into the person's head that if they ever mistreat me again, they will unleash her raging wrath. As for comforting me, she holds me close, wrapping an arm around me while holding my head to her chest. She might not know how to display her emotions correctly sometimes, but clearly she knows when her child is upset. That's a mother's instinct.

Calliope: Do you have any poetry or literature excerpts (or other quotes) that suit your ship?

I can't think of any!

#answered asks

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lu-undy · 4 years

Note

Hello again! I hope im not bothering you, Mundy was gone for how many years...he was still in a mannco, while Lucien is already retired for being a spy. Lu was totally miss sniper. He can't handle it already for being alone. He thought that his lover was already death. But soon, Mundy ( looks totally different he has a long beard, lots of scars in his arms) came back.

Hey, thank you for the request, I absolutely loved writing this! I hope you will like reading it! :D

“Bonjour”

[Hello.]

Lucien entered his usual bakery in Paris and didn't even have to say what he wanted. The baker knew him and his routine: one baguette and two croissants.

"Ajoutez deux éclairs au chocolat, s'il vous plaît."

[Add two chocolate éclairs, please.]

The ex-Spy paid what he owed and returned to the solitude of his flat, poured some coffee in a cup, and sat on his table, reading the newspaper.

He had retired years ago now and it had been about the hardest decision to make. Although, in truth, it hadn't been his at all. He had been injured beyond what Medic could repair and it was a miracle that he didn't completely bust his kneecap. Ah, that shot from Team Vanguard's Sniper…. However, it was enough to put a stop to his contract with Mann Co. and to his entire career.

But his damaged knee did not only put a sudden end to his career. Back when he was a Spy, Lucien shared his life with a friend who turned into a lover. More than that, Sniper turned out to understand him more and better than any previous romantic conquest ever before, and Lucien let himself fall in love as deeply as he could ever be.

They shared their days, their meals and their nights together, becoming inseparable, yet remaining professional on the battlefield. They went by Spy and Sniper at work, and Lucien and Mundy when they were on their own.

What a luxury for Spy, to have a lover who could know and did know that he was a Spy. There was very little left that Lucien could hide from him and so he trusted Mundy with everything, from his body to his thoughts. Even the darkest corners of his mind he shared with him. Not only he could, but he also felt safe enough in the strong arms of the man his heart beat for.

It had never changed. Lucien still loved him. There wasn't a day where he didn't think about Mundy, there wasn't a moment where he didn't crave his presence. But it had been years now, and if he recalled correctly, it would have been their seventh anniversary on that very day.

Lucien stared at the box containing the chocolate éclairs he had bought. It was on the table in front of him. Those were Mundy's favourite pastries and he loved them too. Anytime they needed to celebrate something, or if he just wanted to treat him, Lucien would buy some. He had kept the habit even though Mundy wasn't with him anymore.

When he had left Mann Co., both of them decided that it would be better to not try and keep in touch. They loved each other too much to just write letters or phone each other. What they had shared was so much stronger than that.

Often, Lucien wondered if Mundy too thought about him or if he just had forgotten and moved on. Maybe he had found someone else, maybe he had managed to turn the page. But not Lucien. He had gotten rid of most objects that reminded him of Mann Co., in an effort to try and forget, but of course it ended up doing the exact opposite.

Each new day that God made, Lucien missed Mundy more. From the moment he would wake up, in a bed that was too large, empty and cold, to his meals that he would have with the sound of the clock, counting the ticks and tocks that separated him from his loved one.

There were days where Lucien wouldn't exit his flat at all, and he wouldn't even open his blinds. The world asked too much of his energy and facing it alone was above him. That was on days where the weather wasn't too cold. When winter hit, it usually meant for Lucien that his knee would trouble him more than usual, and his cane wasn't enough to help him walk.

He sighed. Every year he would celebrate the anniversary alone. It reminded him of when he was a child. He would spend his birthdays more or less alone too, as Lucien had always been a man of very few friends. But celebrating it on his own did not mean that he should not do it properly. He went to his room and dressed up accordingly.

Black socks, garters, Burgundy striped trousers, white shirt, dark red tie, Burgundy striped jacket, black gloves. Ah, and of course, the matching balaclava.

He had got rid of almost all the objects that reminded him of Mundy, but not the suit. Non, it was the one that Mundy had touched, sometimes just lightly, a tap on the shoulder, other times fiercely, almost to the point of ripping it apart to get to Lucien's hot bare skin.

His skin prickled as if he could feel it all again. Lucien raised his head to his mirror and looked at himself. He pushed the front grey lock of hair which, as usual, stuck out of the mask, and adjusted the balaclava, like a sad clown tired to put on a show; because that was exactly what it was, a show. A comedy for the cynical and a tragedy for Lucien himself.

He frowned at his reflection. That was it, he was him again. He was Spy.

Spook.

His ears pricked up as if he could hear it for real, Mundy's voice calling him. Lucien took a deep breath and sighed.

And he proceeded to spend his entire day roleplaying as his past, happier self. He even faked a few grins, here and there. The first one hurt his lips, and the ones that followed asked almost too much of his energy. Pff… And to think he used to be a spy, paid to pretend and lie. Now, he couldn't even fake a smile.

Spy took his cane and walked out of his flat. He needed to see it. He needed to see people's awkward looks at his mask, at the ridiculous uniform. He held his cane in his hand and walked without it for a few steps, pretending that he was Spy again. And people stared more at his physical appearance than his limp.

He walked, took step after step, feeling his entire right leg and thigh weigh a ton, his knee screaming in pain. But Lucien bit his cheek and frowned. No amount of physical pain compared to the emptiness in his heart. He wasn't doing it for himself alone, he was doing it for them, because the last time he wore that suit and it made sense, he didn't need his cane. Mundy was there to help him, holding him close, and the pain in his knee was drowned by the love he felt for the handsome Australian.

Eventually, Lucien found a bench and sat down. Like a reflex, his hand went to his breast pocket and he opened his cigarette case. He used his silver lighter and a flame sprang up.

He stayed there, lazily watching people come and go, cars and buses passing by. He was used to the weird stares at his face wearing a mask. But somehow it felt different. He used to ignore them because he knew he was handsome. Lucien only had to look at how Mundy gazed at him to see his own beauty. And nothing would get to him, nothing at all.

That was all gone now.

Lucien lifted himself up from the bench and headed back home. He closed and locked his door. He didn't use to be the paranoid type and lock his door all the time, and he still wasn't. However, he needed to close the door, he needed to isolate himself from the rest of the world. The Earth had kept on spinning like a mad tip-top in space, but Lucien's life had stopped long ago.

He rested his cane next to his chair as he sat down, and raised his eyes to the clock. It was the evening now and if he had still been working for Mann Co., he would have been with Mundy in his smoking room. Now would have been the right moment for it…

Lucien put his gloved hands on the closed box containing the pastries and made it slide closer to him on the table. He removed his mask and carded his salt and pepper hair back with his fingers. Lucien gulped down hard as he slowly opened the box. Soon, he saw the two chocolate éclairs lying there and sighed. It was almost as if part of him expected to open the box and find Mundy there… Ridiculous…

A knock on the door interrupted his train of thought. He grumbled and frowned as he said:

"Allez-vous-en!"

[Go away!]

The knocks started again and it got on his nerves.

"J'ai dit: allez-vous-en! Allez vendre vos gadgets et vos balivernes à quelqu'un d'autre!"

[I said: go away! Go sell your gadgets and your lies to someone else!]

Silence fell for a second and Lucien sighed in relief… But the knocks started yet again.

"Grand Dieu…"

[Good Lord…]

Lucien pulled his leg out from underneath the table and grabbed his cane. He stood up and walked to the door, determined to scare whoever was disturbing him. He would have still got angry if it was another day but today was special, sacred. No one and nothing should and could disturb him.

The keys jingled as he unlocked the door and Lucien opened it aggressively.

"Mon Dieu, vous ne pouvez pas me - ?"

[My God, can't you leave me - ?]

Lucien's sentence broke and his knees went to jelly, he started collapsing and the man in front of him caught him just in time.

"Oh, careful, mate, eh… You used to stand better than that last time I saw you."

"N-non…"

Lucien found some strength to stand on his own and put his hand on the man's cheek. There was a beard now there, dark brown by the looks of it, but impeccably trimmed. Lucien realised that his glove was in the way, he bit it and pulled it away before putting his hand on the man's cheek again, just to make sure it wasn't his head playing tricks on him.

"It can't be…"

"Can we come in?"

"O-oui, of course."

Lucien shut the door and dragged his leg to sit on the sofa next to the man he would recognise anywhere.

"Is that you?" He asked when they were both sitting next to each other. His eyes darted on every square millimetre of the man's face in utter shock.

"Did I change that much? Alright, the beard... I kept the glasses and the hat though… But you haven't changed a bit. You even still wear the suit! Such a Spook you are…"

Lucien's breath cut short, his nose stinging all of a sudden and his eyes warmed up too fast to hold himself back. He burst out sobbing and pulled Mundy closer to himself, crying on his chest.

"Hey now…? It's alright, I'm here, it's ok…"

Mundy wrapped his arms around Lucien and held him close while he sobbed and sobbed relentlessly.

"I'm sorry, maybe I should have sent you a card, or called or somethin'. I just thought it'd be better to make it a surprise."

"I missed you… I missed you so much… I missed you so… much…"

Lucien tried to speak between two sobs. Mundy let his fingers slide through his lover's hair and pulled his head against him even more.

"I missed you too." He kissed his head. "I'm sorry to make you cry. I meant it to be a happy thing and now you're cryin'..."

Lucien pulled himself away from his lover's embrace and took a minute to calm himself down. He dried his tears and took a few deep breaths before looking up at the man he would have died to see again. He removed his other glove and cupped his face.

"It's really you, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. Took me ages to find you, you slitherin' Spook, but I finally did a few weeks ago. And uh… I don't know if you remember but it would have been seven years today."

Lucien let his thumbs brush his lover's beard again.

"You think I would have forgotten? It is precisely why I dressed up like this!"

"Wait, what?"

"Oh, and wait!"

Lucien jumped on his left leg to stand up rapidly and awkwardly walked as fast as he could to the table. He closed the box that he had left there again, and came back to the sofa, almost collapsing on it.

"Hey, take it easy! Don't want the handsome rogue to bust his other knee eh?"

Lucien landed in Mundy's arms and chuckled. He handed him the white laminated cardboard box.

"What's that?" Mundy asked.

"It - it's for you and me."

"Well in that case, here's for you too."

Mundy handed him a plastic bag.

"But how did you buy somethin' for us, you didn't know I was coming?"

"I do it anyway. Every year I…" Lucien felt uncomfortable as he now realised how stupid and delusional it all was.

Mundy put his hand on Lucien's shoulder.

"Go ahead, tell me."

"It's… Ridiculous."

"Well, not half as ridiculous as falling for a bloke you'd never seen the face of, eh? Or never stopping to love him for years until you go mad and just bang your fist on the table, leave your work and everything for him?" Mundy chuckled and Lucien smiled. "It's only me mate, go on."

"Fine… Every year on this special day, I dress up as, well, as the Spy I was when I met you. I put the suit and tie on, even the mask, and I spend the entire day like that."

Mundy frowned.

"Why?"

"Because… Because it's the closest I could be to being with you for real. I also buy a similar box to the one you have in your hand. Open it, please."

Mundy delicately lifted the lid and his eyebrows arched high up, his lips pursing in the sweetest smile.

"You didn't forget about the lightnin' pastries, eh?" Mundy eyes went up to meet his lover's.

Lucien smiled.

"And you remember that éclair means lightning?"

"I can't really forget any French you taught me."

"And I can't forget your tastes in pastries."

They stared in each other's eyes for a while, just rediscovering their colours, their shapes and their shine.

"But Lu', go ahead and open yours."

Lucien's eyes snapped wide at the mention of his nickname. Mundy was the only one ever in his life to call him that.

"Y'alright?"

Lucien shook his head and cleared his throat.

"Oui, oui sorry, I uh, I shall open this." He put the box that was in the plastic bag on his lap and slowly opened it. When his eyes met with its content, he bit his lip to hold himself back from tearing up again.

"Yeah, I got the same thing too…" Mundy said. "I didn't think you'd buy some yerself. I thought that… Maybe you'd forgotten about it and uh, about me. Maybe you found someone else, you're as good-looking as when you left so…"

"Nonsense." Lucien answered. "Find someone else? Me? Non, of course not. You are the only person I want. I don't want anyone else, how could I? You are the only one I trust."

Mundy smiled and softened.

"And you? Are you with someone else?" Lucien asked.

"Nah. I did try, y'know, to get you out of my head… But you never really went away and I kept comparin' people to you. It never worked with anyone and in the end I just faced it: I love no one else but you. But we've got time to talk about this. First, we eat the lightnin' pastries before they flash away. I'll eat one from your box and you eat one from mine, ok?"

Lucien nodded and took one of the éclairs in his hand. They both raised their pastries and tipped them as if they were pints of beer.

"To us, luv'."

Lucien's eyes glistened.

"À nous…" He gulped down, his throat was dry, before he answered. "Mon amour."

[To us… My love…]

And they both bit in their éclairs at the same time, smiling into the soft pastry, the fresh chocolate cream meeting their tongues in the sweetest embrace.

Lucien could not believe that he was sitting here, on his sofa, with Mundy next to him eating their favourite sweet delicacy on the seventh year of their romantic adventure. Mundy couldn't help but lace his arm around Lucien and sit back, and Lucien used his lover's chest as a pillow.

"How I've missed all this…"

"Me too, luv', me too. It almost seems like a dream, or like we're doing something forbidden."

"Oui, it is true. I… You will mock me but I can hardly believe I am not hallucinating this whole situation."

"Yeah, same here." Mundy licked his fingers. "So, uh, what have you been up to?"

"Missing you." Lucien answered as he closed his eyes, his head rising and falling to the rhythm of Mundy's breath.

"Yeah, I meant apart from that. Anythin' new?"

"Hm…" Lucien tried thinking about anything remotely interesting but couldn't find anything. "Non, I'm afraid."

"You haven't picked up somethin' over all those years, like a hobby or something?"

"Non."

"You poor thing…" Mundy kissed his lover on his head again and Lucien clenched his fingers on his chest.

"What about you, mon amour?"

[My love]

"I uh… I'm a barber now."

"What?!" Lucien raised his head off his lover's chest. "Really?"

"Yeah, what do you think about my beard? I trimmed it myself. I had my hair cut by a friend though cause uh, well, you can't really do it on your own head. But yeah, what d'you think?"

Lucien's eyes devoured Mundy.

"I find you even more handsome than when I left. It makes you look older, and it is not a complaint at all, I like it very much." Lucien inspected the beard. "And that is some great job, I can hardly see any imperfections. Your beard is magnificent, it shines almost too much!"

"I put some oil to take care of it. If you ever want to grow one, I can help you, there's some good stuff out there to have it grow nice and shine bright."

Lucien's eyelids fluttered under the surprise.

"What? You don't want to grow a beard?" Mundy asked.

"That is besides the point, I'm, I'm just speechless… I remember when you used to mock me because I use a hand cream! And listen to you now, using oil to take care of your beard and such…!"

Mundy laughed and Lucien's heart woke up almost violently in his chest. It had been years that he hadn't heard that rough laughter, from that special hoarse voice.

"Speakin' of, gimme your hand."

Mundy took Lucien's hand and put it under his nose.

"You old man, you never change, do you? Still usin' the same vanilla hand cream, eh?"

Lucien chuckled.

"Oui, I am. You know me, I don't like to change my habits."

Mundy slid his fingers between Lucien's.

"Yeah."

Silence fell in the room. Lucien laid his head on Mundy's chest again and listened to his heartbeat right below his ear, while Mundy played with Lucien's hair. It was all back as it had been years before, only it wasn't in Mann Co. but in Paris.

"Mundy?"

"Yeah?"

Lucien opened his eyes and looked up. He only saw part of Mundy's masculine jaw from below.

"How long are you staying?"

"Well, I-I don't really know, luv'."

"Oh…"

Mundy heard the disappointment in Lucien's voice.

"It might be just a few days or longer."

"Why are you so unsure? Do you have obligations elsewhere?"

"Not really."

"Why then?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"On you." Mundy answered and Lucien's head jumped off his chest.

"What do you mean 'it depends on me'?"

"Well, d'you want me to stay?" Mundy asked with a smirk.

"Of course I do…! And you, do you want to stay?" Lucien asked back.

"I just want to be with you. Here, elsewhere, on the bloody Moon if that's what you want. I just want to have you next to me all the time. It was too hard without you, I don't want that ever again."

Lucien melted on his lover's chest hearing those words. He laid his head on it again.

"Neither do I. Please, Mundy…?"

"Yeah, what?"

"Stay with me." Lucien pleaded with his voice.

"Yeah, I will. But first, look up here, luv'."

Lucien did as he was told and saw the most beautiful lagoon blue eyes on his own. Mundy's hand slid from Lucien's hair to behind his neck and pulled him in closer. They rested their forehead against each other's.

"I love you, Lu'."

Lucien closed his eyes and bit his lip.

"Je t'aime aussi."

[I love you too.]

Mundy bent forward and his lips brushed past Lucien's, just grazing them. He didn't know if it was too much or maybe he was going too fast. But no, Lucien cupped Mundy's face and pulled it even more. Their lips met. After years of yearning, longing, craving. Finally, their lips met again.

Mundy felt Lucien's lips trembling. He opened his eyes and backed off slightly. Tears were silently streaming down Lucien's face, his eyes were red and slightly swollen.

"You poor thing, I'm never leaving you again."

"Please don't."

And those words were the last they exchanged on the sofa. More was said after Mundy stood up and carried Lucien in his arms. But those words shall remain in the secrecy of their room, under the duvet.

#tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #sniperspy

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lawdtl · 4 years

Text

Two Ghosts

AO3 Link

summary:

5 years after pushing Chloe away, Beca tries to gain Chloe's trust back at a Bella's reunion.

------------

It’s been five years since they were all together in the same room, five years since all of them were complete and in short, five years since beca actually agreed to see them. Chloe didn’t really know anything about beca anymore, after Europe they tried to keep in touch with each other but somewhere along the way beca started to drift further and further away from her. She wasn’t sure what happened between them, she remembers the feeling she had when she realized that things with beca aren’t the same anymore and it hurt her a lot.

Chloe didn’t stop reaching out to beca but when the time came where beca’s voicemail or beca’s assistant was the only one answering her, she got the message; she wasn’t dense. That was 3 years ago when she decided to stop trying, she almost called her again a year after that when her engagement with chicago was called off, she needed beca with her, to hear her voice or maybe just have her beside her but she figured nothing would happen out of it, so she stopped herself, she didn’t need another rejection from beca.

Aubrey told her it was going to be a big bella reunion set up and funded by the bellas before them but when she walked inside the venue, she was still caught off guard by how huge of a party it was, she felt sort of nervous but at the same time excited. She needed this, her life was stuck on replay, work, eat, sleep then repeat. She wanted to have fun for a change and even though this night can go about in many ways, she's still happy she gets to see her old friends and have a good time with them.

She was ushered to the table that had her name on it, to the right of it was Aubrey's and to the left, was beca's. Her name card also had "co-captain" printed on it, so is the years that she was in barden. She looked down the long table and saw the names of the bellas she shared many years with.

"I had them put me in the same table as you"

She knew that voice from anywhere, she turned around to see aubrey, with a big smile on her face "well i would've dragged you back here either way"

The two friends hugged tightly and before she knew it, a couple of girls were running towards their way to join them. Unlike with beca, she remained close with the others, sure they didn't see each other quite often but there were always video calls and group chats that kept them updated with each other and she's thankful for that.

"Damn red, looking good tonight" amy tells her

"Yeah well, i don't go out too often nowadays so this was a perfect excuse to finally dress up"

"Oh i know that, having a kid is great and all but bella is really handful these days, i needed this" stacie interjects

They took their designated seats to wait for the program to start and when the lights dimmed, two bellas appeared on stage to say a couple of words, she turned to look at amy to ask her if beca was still going to attend like she said but before she could speak up the name beca mitchell was said aloud and there she was, on stage with a mic on her hand wearing a suit that was clearly tailored only for her.

"I didn't know she was one of the people who funded this" chloe hears aubrey whisper. Her mind was going all over the place, she knew beca would be there and she planned everything, just say hi and that's it but right now as beca gives the mic back to the older bellas and starts to walk towards their table she feels unable to speak or move, she looks down to her hands that had somehow gripped the tablecloth "chloe you okay?" She hears stacie asked who is in front of her, she's frozen in her place and jumps when she hears amy shout "stranger danger!"

Beca's hands were sweaty, even before she left the car, her nerves were in turmoil and her heart was beating too loud and too fast. A small voice in her head was shouting "5 years" to her, reminding her of how awful of a friend she has been to every single one of them.

She didn't want things to turn like this, never did she wish for her and chloe to go back to being strangers. She doesn't remember when exactly she started to avoid chloe, she has no clear idea why either. Maybe because chloe meant a great deal to her, something along the lines of more than just a friend, and being away from each other, beca knew they were bound to go their separate lives and that thought scared her. To her it was better to end it earlier than wait longer and have it hurt even more, maybe it's that, and if it is that, then she knows how selfish of a jerk she is because of it.

She arrives at the place early, as she enters she sees the people who have reached out to her, asking if she could attend and say a few words to start the evening, she approaches them walking ever so slowly and when they saw her, she was engulfed in a hug, the next thing she knew she was being brought backstage

She uses the free time to prepare her speech and while reading it aloud, she can't help but feel guilty, it kicks her inside and out. She never would've been in the bellas without chloe and yet, the person she pushed away the most was her. She imagines what chloe looks like now, she imagines the blue eyes that always kept her grounded.

She felt like shit and she felt like throwing up. However this night may end, she hopes that she can apologize to chloe. A couple of months ago while she was about to move into her new place she saw a dusty old box that had "bellas" written on it, allowing herself to be emotional for once - she opened the box and saw so much of her memories.

Pictures of her with the bellas, every performance they did, the scarf and letters that were left unopened. Most of them were from chloe, she picks one that was sent years ago, she couldn't stop herself from opening it and when she read the letter, tears began to leave her eyes.

"I'm not sure if you're even going to read this, but I just want you to know that I'm so proud of you beca. You're finally out there showing people your amazing talent and when I see you on the news I can't help but smile. I'm always going to be thankful that I met you and that I had you in my life……..."

That day, where she cried on the floor of her old apartment she decided to do some changes in her life, she decided to own up to her mistakes and finally talk to chloe, she has no idea how and when and as if the aca-gods were hearing her, on that same week the older bellas reached out to her about the reunion.

She decided to take a break from her work- to relax, she also needed time to think through some things and to be able to reflect on all the stuff that is happening around her. She's been planning everything she'll say to the bellas when she sees them again, throw a couple of sarcastic remarks here and there, then apologize for being a dick, yup it's a solid plan she thinks - very old beca.

But the thing is she knows she's changed a lot ever since they were all together, she wonders if chole has too, she wonders if they would still accept her apologies even if she pushed them away. She hopes they do but in case they don't, she promises herself to try again and again until she proves to them that she really is sorry - very new beca.

After a couple of minutes the venue started to fill with more people, she can hear it, she didn't want to see it though because she's scared to see some of the old people she spent her bella days with

Delivering the speech was easy, walking towards the table filled with people she betrayed was hard. Her eyes immediately went to chloe, who wasn't moving, she sees her stare at her though and it made her nervous because Chloe's eyes never looked at her that way before, eyes that looked at her with questioning and disappointment. In just a few more steps she'll be able to reach the table with chloe still looking straight at her. She is pretty sure chloe knows about her attending, she messaged amy last week and she's certain amy told everyone about it too so it makes her wonder why it still feels like chloe has no clue about her being there.

The shout amy did startled her back to life, it was a joke. A joke that made everyone look very uncomfortable. Before sitting down, she decided to go for it, all or nothing right? She takes a deep breath and prepares herself for whatever may happen

"Before anything else, I want to say something, to all of you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for pushing all of you away, for avoiding the calls and texts. I'm sorry for not being a good friend. It could take forever for you guys to forgive me but i can wait because you guys mean a lot to me and when i realized that all over again, i know now that i can't go on with life without having you guys with me along the way...so uhm yeah, that's all"

There was just pure silence, the venue was loud but it's as if they have created a little bubble in their area and it cancelled all the other noise from outside. "Look beca we get it, it's hard to keep things balanced especially with your life now. But just so you know we were really hurt by you. I can't speak for everyone but i forgive you, because like my father always said "forgive others, or else you wouldn't be able to sleep at night" beca feels a smile creep into her face, of all the people to talk first, aubrey posen does "thank you aubrey, thank you". Cynthia rose stands up and looks at her with stern eyes for a few seconds, then proceeds to hug her tight, beca sinks in into the hug, wrapping her arms around CR "we missed you beca" she feels tears building in her eyes as other bellas stood up to give her a hug as well and when she had a chance to hug them all back she take a moment to smile at them and say thank you once again

"go on then, sit down shawshank" she hears amy tell her, eyes pointing to the seat beside chloe who remained seated through it all, she sees amy give her a little nod heading towards chloe, giving her the saddest frown and apologetic smile

She goes to take her seat beside chloe, her heart beats fast and breathing suddenly feels like a difficult job to do. She turns to look at chloe who was avoiding her eyes while taking a sip of water "hi chlo" beca says in the softest way possible, "hi beca" chloe replies dryly with a forced smile as she turns to finally face her and in a few awkward seconds the whole table began to laugh, quietly giggling amongst themselves. Beca felt her face boil in embarrassment and judging by the color red on Chloe's face, she felt the same thing

Thankfully it wasn't as awkward as she thought it would be, the girls asks her how she's been so she tells them some of the good stuff she did the past years but mostly she's been very interested in hearing how everyone's been, to just keep up with their lives now, she listens to them as they tell her about their jobs and families. "You do know that you're going to have to do better than a speech for chloe right?" Aubrey tells her when chloe went to the toilet "i know and I'm going to do everything i can to get her to forgive me" beca replies to her, eyes filled with determination

"you better, you really hurt her you know"

"Yeah..i just... she's important to me bree, I'll do whatever it takes"

The food was served, and everyone kept quiet for a little while but once food was finished there were programs lined up, one of the performing groups were Emily's generation of bellas, she waved hi to beca before taking the stage, beca mouths the words "I'm sorry" to her and emily looks at her with sad eyes mouthing "i know"

Chloe has been through many things in her life, she had the nodes things, her engagement being called off, her problems with school and many other things, so she knows her heart is strong but right now, being seated next to beca felt like a weird movie scene that will make her cry anytime soon. She can feel beca looking at her often, thinking twice in starting a conversation with her and as much as chloe hates that beca pushed her away she can't help but feel bad because it's beca, and somehow no matter how long they haven't seen each other, beca still has a hold on her like no one else.

All of a sudden she feels a hand on her shoulder, a feeling that has been lost for so long, suddenly creeping its way back "chloe, I'm.. I'm sorry" she turns to look at beca

"it's all good, i get it and it's nothing"

"It's not nothing chloe, not to me"

"It sure seemed like nothing for the past five year’s beca, now if you excuse me i will try to enjoy this night"

She was walking towards the bar when she sees beca follow her, in all honesty, she wants to talk to beca, she just doesn't know what to say, she's also scared that when they finally talk, her emotions will burst out to flames and it will just turn things into a mess

"Chloe, I don't exactly know what to tell you but I know that I've disappointed you, that I've hurt you. I will understand if you never want to see me again but please hear me out"

"Dance with me"

"What?"

"Now, let's dance"

"Like right now?" Beca hears slow music playing and it seems slow dance is what Chloe's asking her to join with

"Yes, you wanna talk? Fine dance with me"

"Okay"

Chloe goes to the dance floor and waits for beca, she has no idea what came out of her mouth when she suggested dancing but there's nowhere else to go now except here. She feels beca's hand hold her as they sway slowly with the music, she sees the bellas look at them with curiosity but leaves them be

"Chloe"

"I hate you"

"That's a strong word"

"It is, i hated the way you made me feel beca, you acted as if i never mattered to you and it was torture. You made me doubt all our years together"

"I'm sorry chloe"

"Is that all you have to say?, You wanted to talk, then talk"

"I got scared, that us, that you and I will eventually grow apart, so I did what I thought was best, thinking that it would've hurt less if I just pushed you away"

"Do you know how selfish that is? Just because of that? You threw me away"

"I know chlo, and there are no words, no sentences strong enough to tell you how sorry i am but believe me when i say that i regret it all, that i missed you, that every day for the past five years i wished i tried harder"

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because i was a coward"

“you meant so much to me, and as those years passed, as those rejected calls, as those messages, those moments that i needed you, as they all pass by…i felt so small as you drifted away"

"There's no excuse for what I did chloe, I hate myself for it too. You were my best friend and you...you didn't deserve any of that"

Chloe started crying, tears were beginning to fall down from her face, feeling heavy after the both of them throw words at each other, she backed away to look at beca's eyes and when she sees it also filled with tears, she did something unexpected. She ran to the door, wiping the tears from her face and stopping at the parking lot, she sees beca running towards her and she knew if she gets in a taxi now she can avoid beca but instead she's standing still, as if waiting for beca to actually catch up to her

"Chloe please don't go" beca says, breathing out the words and panting from the run she did

"Beca what is it? Why do you want to fix this?"

"You know why chlo, you have every idea why"

"I.. I'm"

"Engaged? I know, but i want you to know how i really feel about you, at least before you go"

"I wasn't...going to say. I'm not engaged beca, but you couldn't have known that since, you didn't answer to anything"

"What about chicago?"

"What about him? You know what, I'm leaving"

"Chloe i love you"

"No beca, you don't get to say that"

"I can, because it's true Chlo. I love you"

Chloe can't really move anymore, she doesn't know exactly how to react with beca telling her she loves her, she's waited for it for so long, too long. It became clear to her that she needs to move on from beca when chicago broke off their wedding, it became clear to her that her feelings for beca was keeping her from falling for anyone else completely. So hearing beca tell her this now, it cuts her deep, she always thought that her and beca we're inevitable, but reality denied them of this inevitability because beca had jesse then she had chicago then beca pushed her away, and now? She asks herself what will she do now, will she push beca away or will she stay

"Chloe? Say something please"

"Beca, you don't even know me anymore, you only love the memory of me"

"Chloe, i can love you all over again, i know we're not who we used to be but we're here now. Don’t you feel the same way?"

"Beca, i have loved you for years but right now i have no idea who you are, how your life is and"

"Chloe I'm still me, sure i changed, and hey i got a couple more tattoos and i wear contact lenses now but underneath all that crap is me"

"Don't you think we're making a mistake?"

"If it's the both of us, then how can it be a mistake?"

"I'm scared"

"I am too"

"My heart's been through enough, I'm not sure if it still even knows how to love"

"Mine does, whenever it remembers you"

There was silence, noise only from the beatings of their hearts that were too loud, too powerful. It's as if the hourglass that has been going on for years has finally been turned around in favor to them.

"Come with me" she hears beca calling out to her, her hand stretched out for her to take

Chloe takes her hand with no hesitation. She leads them to a car which she assumes is beca's "Becs what are we doing?" the nickname slips out of her unexpectedly

"Come on, i know a diner somewhere near here"

"We're leaving?"

"Yeah, I'll text amy and besides, i know you're hungry"

She really is, all this back and forth was exhausting and the whole night was draining her, not focusing on the fact that beca knew that, she nods and goes in the car. She watches beca start the engine and back away from the lot "i wear glasses now"

"What?" Beca asks her, Wondering what she meant

"You said you wear contacts now, i wear glasses..well i mean not now of course but yeah.."

"I'm sure you look ridiculous in them" beca says, laughing at her and chloe can't help but smile as well, it was stupid but if they were gonna do the whole getting to know each other again then she'll try "shut up, at least i call my friends" her eyes widens, not really meaning to say that "okay i deserved that" beca replies while smiling and looking down the road.

They arrive at the diner faster than what she was expecting, it was already 11 pm and the diner had no customers other than some truck drivers and a couple of kids who recognized beca right away, asking for a picture with her, they take a seat at the back corner and ordered some burgers and fries

"Sorry about that"

"its fine, I mean it's something to get used to but I'm happy for you, with your fame and fans and all that"

"At least someone's happy about that"

"You're not?"

"It was never my goal chlo, all i wanted was to make music but when people keep telling me how releasing three albums in 5 years will be one of my biggest achievements and don't get me wrong I'm proud of the albums, it's just that sometimes i feel like I'm not actually doing what i dreamt of"

"Producing music"

"Yeah…"

"This pop star thing isn't really suiting me well"

"I mean you can't basically just quit"

"I'm taking a little break from it all now"

"Oh, well that.. that's good"

"What about you, how's everything been going?"

"Well..you already know about the engagement so there's that and besides that was years ago but anything else has been really boring"

"It's not, I'd love to catch up on everything"

"Fine but remember you asked for it so don't go snoring" chloe tells beca, it's a lighter exchange of words and it's also a breather to have someone else listen to her again other than aubrey. The food arrives and they eat as she continues to tell stories about her work and how her parents keep asking her to visit them every single week, she tells how one of her co-workers keep hitting on her and when she gave him a chance the dude literally was a creep so she left him at the restaurant after saying she was only going to the bathroom, she tells her about the fling she had with a woman named sally who was a music teacher at a school near her workplace, not mentioning how sally looked a whole lot like beca, she mentions Chicago's name and focuses on the cringe on beca's face when she hears his name, she never really did like the guy.

Chloe hadn't felt like this for a long time, excited and yet a little nervous, hesitant and yet full of hope. It was like high school crushes and slushies on a summer day by the lake but this was getting to know someone all over again, someone she admired before. It all feels very nostalgic especially when they reminisce about their days in the bellas, it was a night of endless coffee and endless conversations about everything they've been through the last five years

It was 30 minutes to 4 am when they decided to order some snacks since the conversation wasn't clearly coming to an end anytime soon. It was amazing, chloe thinks. Five years all laid out messily in just a matter of hours, it was surreal to her how they were tossing stories to each other with ease, the good and the bad and it wasn't going to erase what happened between them but right now as she laughs at a story beca was telling her about a paparazzi tripping while following her she wonders how is it possible that even after everything she still has this connection with beca

"Hey chlo, you okay?" Beca asks her, waving her hand in front of Chloe's face

"Yeah, I am. I was just thinking how weird this is"

"Oh..uhm, i mean i can take you to your place now if you feel uncomfortable, i didn't mean to like, keep you here this long, I'm sorry"

"No dummy, i was thinking about how just a few hours ago i was so mad at you and now we're here, as if nothing's wrong"

"Is there..something wrong?"

"There is"

"Oh" there's the beca she knew, the shy and timid beca that somehow carried the bellas to all its greatness, she's not going to complain about this "new" beca though, the confidence looks good on her

"The wrong thing is that, this isn't weird"

"What do you mean?"

"Well i was thinking about how a few hours ago i was ready to ignore you the whole evening and yet here i am, talking at a diner with you as if you never left"

Chloe didn't mean to hurt beca with those words, she thinks that maybe it was a way to let beca know that she still needs a little more time to get used to this again, she was about to say something but beca, who was now looking at the table, inhales as if her life depended on it, looks at chloe straight in the eyes

"Isn't that crazy though? we spend five years apart and yet in just one night we find a way to fix.."

"Well it's not fully fixed yet" chloe cuts beca off

"Progress is progress, and I'll understand if you decide to go, I know I'm pushing my luck on this but being with you here now it..it makes me really happy chlo, so thank you..for giving me this chance to explain everything and just..thank you for everything chloe.."

"You're an idiot, you know that. I just...i don't understand why you had to push me away, I would've never given up on our friendship, I would've done everything to actually prevent us from drifting apart, how come you didn't beca?"

"Well it's no excuse but..i was stupid, and scared and i mean, you had chicago and your whole life ahead of you, i would've just held you back, your life was set and perfect"

"Nothing's perfect beca, what hurt me was, you didn't even try, you keep telling me that i mean a lot to you, that wasn't how i felt when i keep getting my calls rejected and messages ignored"

"I'm sorry. I can't change what i did in the past but i can promise that if you let me, i will do my best to never disappoint you again"

"All those years, back in barden...do you even have any idea how much I loved you?"

"I..i don't know. I wanna say i knew but i always told myself that it was all in my head, that you would never like me"

"See it's funny because that's what I used to tell myself too"

"Victims of circumstances...”

"Hmm, we really are quite a pair huh?" chloe replies, she's feeling so much lighter now than she did when they were entering the diner. This wasn’t what she thought would happen when she decided to step inside beca's car, the next moments that followed were all just unplanned and spontaneous, it was all a blur to her ever since beca told her that she loves her "i missed you becs" she tells her wholeheartedly

"I missed you too chlo, a lot... I'm sorry i didn't do anything sooner"

"Well for future purposes just tell me how you feel so i can tell you that you're being crazy"

"So there's a future?"

"Maybe…"

"That's all i need, a maybe..i mean I've waited this long"

She looks at beca who's wearing a sincere smile on her face, it was a smile she really missed, she missed everything with beca and she feels a little sadness in admitting that. She has no idea what will happen to them now, she only hopes that maybe all this will make their friendship a little more solid in the future, she knows she has feelings for beca but now isn't really the right time to act on it, she needs time to be sure and not just let her heart act on impulse.

She asks beca if she had any clothes in her car because as much as she wants this moment with beca to last longer, she can't take her dress anymore, it was four am in a diner and they've been sitting there for hours

"Yeah i have a duffle bag in the back of the car with my clothes, do you want me to get it?"

"No it's okay, I'll check it out" beca nods to her as she gives her the keys to the car

She looks through the bag, wondering why beca has a duffle bag filled with clothes in the first place. As she searches for something to wear she sees a familiar shirt, a white shirt that she had back in barden, it looks overused now though, she takes it out and finds a letter, addressed from her to beca. It was the letter she sent when she saw beca in the news, she felt so proud that day, seeing her friend get the recognition she deserves, she wonders why beca still has it and why she keeps it around. She keeps the thought for another time, she grabs a hoodie and sweatpants heading towards the toilet in the diner to change.

When she got back to their table beca was looking at a big map on the table, with multiple crosses on it "hey, what's that?" chloe asks

"Oh it's uhm…I'm on this road trip, since i left work i kinda wanted a little adventure, a change i guess"

"That's nice, I've always wanted to go on a road trip"

"Maybe you should join me" beca says as she laughs at the thought

"Maybe i should"

"Wait what?.."

"Yeah, i don't know..it seems exciting..i mean only if you're okay with it.."

"No I mean, I would love to have you with me chlo, but are you sure?"

"Yes. For a long time now my life's been quite stuck, i need a little breather, to have a time for myself"

"Except you'll be with me, your former best friend, who you formerly like and who has now admitted to her feelings for you"

"See? Who else better to be with?"

"Okay, I did not expect..Wait what about your job, your apartment back in?"

"I can handle all that" chloe cuts her

"Chloe.. please think about it, I don't want you regretting this decision"

"I'm a big girl beca, I'm old enough to know what I'm doing, and if it's a mistake then at least"

"At least what?"

"Whatever happens, I'll be able to get myself back up, i know that"

"Well…okay then, tell me where you wanna go?"

They spend a couple more hours inside the diner, just discussing about this whole impromptu of a situation, when beca sees a hint of sunlight on Chloe's face from the sun that's starting to come out, she sees the blue eyes that keeps her going every time she's feeling down, she sees chloe look up to her, with furrowed brows

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Nothing weirdo"

"You're the weirdo"

Chloe's happy, like genuinely happy. It's beyond her wildest imagination on how one night can change so much but also bring them back to what once was. She relishes how they opened up to each other, how they were honest, how they remembered all the memories they had and it all felt so normal, like no time and pain had come in between them. It will be a journey for her before she can forgive beca with everything but there's no more waiting, no more wondering, no more what ifs. There's no need to forget what happened because it still brought them back here together and she'd be lying if that wasn't what she always hoped for to happen.

"Hey becs, i think we should go... it's sunrise and I'm a little tired"

"Yeah same, i asked the girls last night if we could all have lunch together, they all agreed, are you going?"

"I would love to"

"Let's go?"

They pay their bill and head out to the parking lot, the sky was beautiful, darkness from the night being filled with orange streaks "so where do you want me to drop you off?" Beca asks her

"I'm staying at the hamilton hotel"

"Okay then, let's go get you some rest"

Chloe looks at the rear view mirror as they drive away from the diner and sees the letter and shirt she brought out while looking for clothes and felt the need to ask beca about it

"Becs, just wondering.. Why do you have my white barden shirt and letter tucked in your duffle?"

"Oh uhm..well, they're important to me. Can't leave them behind. You know what? i got something in the glove compartment, take a look"

Chloe opens it and sees three notebooks placed neatly "what are these?"

"Open the red one" beca tells her as she continues to drive

Chloe opens the notebook, it was like a diary, except every page started with "dear chloe,"

"Yeah... I know I didn't reply to those letters you sent but every time i felt like sending you one, i wrote them in a notebook. Those are all of them, words left unsaid i guess..you can have them if you..if you want"

Chloe thinks she's too sleep deprived for this. She can't wait to read all of them though, to read what beca was thinking about then, they are the filler episodes in their series

"Nah, keep them here... something to read on that road trip"

Beca smiles at the thought, they stay quiet for the remaining drive, she glances at chloe from time to time and sees her looking at the window, definitely feeling sleepy, beca on the other hand feels giddy, feels very optimistic. Everything was better than what she hoped for and she's grateful for it. She thinks she doesn't really deserve their forgiveness, especially chloe's but they're giving her another chance, Chloe's giving her another chance. Positivity fills her up and life has never felt so much fuller than now. She parks at the front of the hotel to drop chloe off but before chloe opens the door she feels Chloe's hands intertwining with hers

"Beca….i just want you to know.. i want you to know that my feelings for you never left, but i also don't want to promise you anything yet because that wouldn't be fair to either of us"

"I know chlo" beca replies to her, looking at her with those dark blue eyes and soft smile

"Thank you, for tonight. It means a lot"

"No chloe, Thank you….so can I pick you up later for lunch? If you want we can go straight ahead on the trip after it"

"Yeah, definitely"

"Okay then, go get some rest beale"

"You too Mitchell, you'll need it, we're headed for a lot of roads"

"Can't wait"

She exits the car after kissing beca on the cheeks, feeling her face go red as the butterflies in her stomach go alive after a very long time. She waves goodbye to beca before she enters the hotel, heading back to her room to have the best sleep in her life because of all the worries that left her mind, it all seems very euphoric and scary at the same time and she loves it.

Beca watches chloe until she's out of her sight, the kiss on her cheek still lingering, she feels herself smile widely as she imagines how she's on top of the world right now. It's like they were teenagers who were starting to fall in love, and no one else ever made her feel like this, it was only chloe. It was and will always be chloe.

#bechloe #fanfic #angst #a little bit of fluff #i had fun with this and i have no idea why

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hearteyes-for-killmonger · 6 years

Text

In My Mind (Part 3)

Only warning is mild language. I'm not sure how many more parts will come. Maybe 3. Maybe 6. We'll see.

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"How do we find someone without a face, a name, or an idea where they went. It's been two days she could be anywhere. It's like chasing a ghost." "We don't." You eye him carefully and he clarifies, "She found you before. If she has something to say, she'll find you again." Erik didn't seem the type to let something like this hang unattended so why would he move on from this so easily? Maybe there really was nothing else you could do to find her.

"Assuming she was real," he adds, "We need to consider illogical options since this is an illogical situation." You continue to stare at him. He was calm and handling all the 'weirdness' gracefully. "If you're okay, I'm okay," you say and you get a text. It's from Lia. You have a braiding appointment and your last customer is there waiting. You'd forgotten all about her. "Shit! I gotta go back to the salon. I forgot I had one more client." He slips his shoes back on and downs the rest of the water in his glass. You walk out to the living room leaving him behind and as you open the front door you hear him move fast to the kitchen putting the glass in your kitchen sink and he jets ahead of you pulling you by your hand down the staircase and down to the ground floor where you exit. He doesn't free your hand once you emerge. "Uh uh, what you coming with me for?" He pulls you to his car and closes you in, clicking your seatbelt. "You gone keep that lady waiting," he chides stopping your protests. He drops behind the wheel and speeds off shortening the already short trip back to the salon. The second the car goes into park, you leap out unsteadily and he follows as you burst through the salon door. "I'm late, I'm so sorry. I'll dock $10 from your total." You look up and instantly drop the keys in your hand on the floor. "It's you," you gape and the woman smiles in response to your surprise. You turn to Erik and he's gone. Everyone else is gone. It's just you and this mysterious lady in the empty shop that's gone dead silent.

"Nia," her warm voice echoes and you feel peace and calm radiating from her form. Her eyes are tender and full of kindness. "Nia, I have been sent by your God to guide you. You have been graced with a great gift to assist with your great purpose, and now you must demonstrate your capability." God sent? Is she an angel? You notice her shadow looks nothing like her, it has six arms and large wings. "Help N'jadaka. Help him find peace. Do this and then your purpose will be revealed." "N'jadaka? Oh, Erik. But how? What do I do?" "How'd you know that name?" You turn around and it's Erik looking at you like you've lost your mind. When you turn back the woman is gone. You grab his forearms. "Tell me you saw her." He squints and shakes his head. "I saw you drop your keys and freeze, then you said my name. What she say?" From the corner of your eye Glenda is staring at you this time blatantly. "I'm fine, just dropped my keys. Clumsy, you know," you offer with a matching clumsy shrug and she doesn't seem to buy it. "I thought you were going home. What you doing back?" The second part of that seemed to be aimed at Erik. She doesn't trust him, it's clear. You look at Lia and she's shaking her head. "I already cornrowed your client, remember? You done for the day. Go home. Get some sleep, you definitely need it." She turns her attention to Erik, "Iunno who YOU are and why y'all so close all of a sudden, but make sure she gets some sleep."

---

"They think I'm fuckin crazy," you groan from the passenger seat. You're holding on tightly to your seat as the car moves aggressively. Erik had taken it upon himself to drive while you told him about your encounter with the mysterious woman. He passed your apartment complex giving you more time to talk while he rode around. He didn't want you to leave a thing out.

"So you supposed to be my psychologist.. Help me find myself and shit," he mumbles and you're also not sold. It sounds ridiculous. "I don't know, but apparently you need peace because you don't have it. So let's just work on that." The car turns onto a highway and you watch the signs before turning to look at Erik's face. He's just chillin on the surface.

"You're taking me somewhere aren't you." "Yep." "Where?" "What that sign say?" You look at the upcoming sign that says EXIT and has a bunch of fast food and restaurant logos. Thank God, because you could eat a cow. He pulls into a restaurant called Bear's Den. It's a black owned restaurant, you think. When you enter, a lot of the staff is black and the menu is so country. It's comforting. Erik orders lemon pepper chicken with a salad and fruit cup. You order chicken and dumplings with a pineapple casserole, something you'd never had before. You let Erik try the casserole, but he wasn't feeling it like you were. You mostly ate in comfortable silence with minimal verbal conversation. However, nonverbals were high as you exchanged meaningful glances and facial expressions. He was trying to read you and you were trying to understand him. He requested the check and rejected your money when you offered to pay for yourself, which was perfectly fine by you. You'd eaten your fill for free. "Go to the bathroom before we leave to go back. You drank a lot," he says and you raise your brow. "I'm appreciative that you bought me dinner, but that's a little too personal for you to be worrying about." "And my dreams and my life ain't personal?" He shoots back. "I didn't invade your mind on purpose though." He nods in the direction of the restroom and you roll your eyes. Raising from your seat you walk to the rustic multi-stall restroom and actually empty your bladder. Maybe it was good that you went. When you resurface, he's not in the restaurant and you walk out to find him in the car. Buckling yourself in, you brace yourself for his crazy driving and somehow, you still aren't prepared. Then you notice that this is not... the direction of your apartment. "Where we going now?" The car moves aggressively and quickly further away from home and he takes his sweet time responding, apparently in no rush.

"Airport."

Airport.. Airport?

"The fuck? You leaving so soon?" He couldn't leave! You still hadn't figured anything out. "You're coming with me." "The hell I am." "You gone help me or not?" His volume is rising. He's serious. "How long? I need to talk to cancel my appointments." "Indefinitely, for now." "FUCK.. this..," you trail off angrily tapping at your phone screen. How selfish of him to expect you to uproot your life, possibly lose your client base, and follow him to tend to his mental health issues. You said you would help him, but you meant on your terms, not his. "Do you understand that I have bills, shop fees, clients, and in short.. a life outside of this? Do you not care?" His shoulders roll and and he takes the exit to the airport. "I got you. Don't worry about it." He's so cryptic. 'Don't worry about it,' right.. You go through your Styleseat and cancel everything, silently fuming. He'd better 'have you' or there'd be hell to pay. Trained killer be damned.

---

"So you're just gonna leave your car?" "It was a rental," he chuckles. "When did you buy me a plane ticket?" He ignores you, but this ticket says you're going to Oakland, California. You'd never been to the west coast, but now you're placing his accent. He drags you past security and you have no luggage, but they wand you briefly. You have to take your shoes off too. Then you board and he gives you the window seat, which you're grateful for.

The fluffy cotton clouds are so full, they look like you could jump onto them, wrap yourself up and sleep. But the sky is darkening rapidly so the sights are getting increasingly tougher to see, clouds included.

"While you're playing shrink with my PTSD, I want to test this ability of yours some more." That doesn't sound promising. You face him and that familiar feeling of trouble washes over you. He plans on using you for personal gain, IF he can get a handle on how your newfound ability works. It's disheartening, but you hold the cards. "Erik, I told you everything I knew about the situation. This isn't something you can manipulate to work how you want." His small dark eyes narrow and shoot darts through yours. You don't waver. You can see his complicated mind scheming behind those eyes, but then they soften. "Lotta people sleep on this plane. Try to get in someone's head. If you can't, it's okay but just try." He's not going to leave you alone about this. You close your eyes and draw a deep breath in, releasing a long breath through your nose. You relax yourself in your seat and rest your head against the window. You push all thoughts away, trying to make things as silent as possible and then you focus. You're searching for a vibration, a visual, a feeling. Everything goes black and then it suspends.

Black. Black. Black. A sunny field of white lillies. "Nia, wake up we here." Your head snaps up and you open your eyes willing them to focus. You watch Erik put away earbuds and pocket his phone. People are standing in the aisle with luggage waiting to exit and you jump up. "Erik, you didn't sleep did you?" "Nah, but you did for three and a half hours." Your eyes search for who it could've been, but there's no way to tell. No one's wearing lilly printed clothing afterall. But then an elderly white man stands in the row behind you and Erik and it looks like he could've been sleep. "I saw something" you tap Erik as it's your turn to exit the plane, and he follows your eyes to the old man. Awe lights his face but then a dark glee darkens it. He pulls you behind him off the plane by your wrist and you wait behind him until the old man appears. "Ask him what he dreamed about," he whispers hurriedly in your ear. "You ask him!" "If I ask him he gone see nigga and have a heart attack. You ask him."

Rolling your eyes, you fix a faux sweet look on your face and jog lightly up to the old man, gently grabbing his attention. "Excuse me sir, this is an odd question, I know, but.. did you happen to dream of a sunny field of white lillies?" Your eyes plead your silent apology and his look baffled. He shakes his head subtly and doesn't respond, but his surprise tells you that's exactly what he dreamed of. His pink finger points at you. "How did you know? Are you a magician?" She shake your head and walk away rejoining Erik. You grab his arm leading him past the old man who is still staring at you in confusion. "He dreamt of lillies. I saw it. It was him," you whisper. The corner of Erik's mouth lifts and his eyes shine, but he says nothing else. "I know what you're planning," you whisper still clutching his arm because he hadn't pushed you off. "Do you," he toys. "I don't know the specifics, but I can tell you I'm not helping you profit off of me." "What if I just want you to profit? You don't like money?" "This is a gift from God. I won't abuse It! You're gonna heal and find peace and then I'm a figure out some deeper purpose. Stick to the plan.. N'jadaka." That name earned a light humored jolt out of him. He likes that name. "Is that a chosen or a given name?" "Given." You watch his face for more information knowing he can feel your stare, but putting two and two together you think it goes back to his parents. "I'll tell you more when we get to my place. You'll see it all anyway."

@sweetsexysavagery @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @panthergoddessbast @mermaidchansons @ironsquad @destinio1 @killmongersmisstress @killmongurl @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @lalasparkles @siriuslycollins @inxan-ity @problematicbreezy @youreadthatright @blackmisfitsunite @holy-minseok @shesfromwakanda @thickoreo @uhlxis @sicksadgen @heyauntieeee @muse-of-mbaku @lovemekaycee @radi0active-thoughts @drsunshine97 @blackpantherismyish @honeycoatedgld @tgigoldie @imaginewhoever @ash-moneyy @texasbama @blowmymbackout @thadelightfulone

@niggarachi15 @eemahnee @ickyrixky @mochiartemisa @wakanda-inspired @blackpanthersmut @thehomierobbstark @groovybbyyy @thehonerablekingerik @bartierbakarimobisson @violet-ines @hidden-treasures21 @myboyfriendgiriboy @bubbly-nammu @killmvnger @phoenixxx1225 @ineffabl-y @kreolemami @supersizemeplz @janellemonaenae @jayjaydrama @sadblvckkgirl @ambthegamer @magic-madness-heavensin @gingerylimonte @elle-luring @cccccx1 @purplehairgawdess @indigoxsummers @kxnfuzed

#erik killmonger #erik killmonger imagine #erik killmonger imagines #erik killmonger x reader #erik stevens #erik stevens au #erik stevens x reader #erik stevens x you #erik x reader #killmonger #original

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catholicartistsnyc · 5 years

Text

Meet: Laura Pittenger

LAURA PITTENGER is a NYC-based writer and director, and a Catholic Artist Connection board member. (www.laurapittenger.com)

CATHOLIC ARTIST CONNECTION (CAC): What brought you to NYC, and where did you come from?

LAURA PITTENGER (LP): I graduated from Ball State University (go Cards) in 2012 with a degree in theatre production and moved here almost immediately from Fort Wayne, Indiana. I have known I wanted to live in New York City since a high school drama club trip. Living here has shattered my illusions about what it would be like, but I think in some ways the reality is better than the fantasy. I never knew New York was so diverse and fascinating outside Manhattan, but I've really fallen in love with the entire East Coast at this point.

CAC: How do understand your vocation as a Catholic artist? Do you call yourself a Catholic artist?

LP: In mixed company, I call myself a theater artist, or a Catholic, but not often both. When I get to introduce myself as such, it is a real joy, because that’s a much more complete picture of who I am. I think it's a label that is often maligned and misunderstood, but I don't make it a personal mission to correct every single person's presumptions about what it means. I try to let my work speak for itself. I couldn't have the ideas I do about life and being human if I weren't a Catholic, and it shines through everything I create, whether I like it or not. (I think that's the Holy Spirit. Right?)

CAC: Where have you found support in the Church for your vocation as an artist?

LP: Being on the board of Catholic Artist Connection, while it has been a lot of work, has also been so faith-building and rewarding and communal. Because I have not often found the support I need as a Catholic artist in the church proper - aside from individual priests and friends, who have been lifesavers - I want to make it my mission to be that open door for other Catholic artists. This is something I believe the laity can do and can do well.

CAC: Where have you found support among your fellow artists for your Catholic faith?

LP: It really depends. Some people can see that the theater is a place where diverse creatures gather to present and grapple with interesting questions, and that gives them the curiosity to explore what it means to be a Catholic during this strange period of history. Some people aren't yet in that frame of mind, and that's okay. If I can be Christ to them, that's what I care about, and that's in my power to do. I'm actually embarking on a process with Project Y Theatre right now where I'm going to be doing a short adaptation of a piece by Hrotsvitha of Gandershaim, a Catholic religious sister who wrote plays in the 10th century, of all things.

CAC: How can the Church be more welcoming to artists?

LP: By supporting groups like the Catholic Artist Connection!

CAC: How can the artistic world be more welcoming to artists of faith?

LP: Ask more questions about faith instead of relying on pat and easy answers. Let religion appear onstage as more than a punchline or punching bag. Let's have stories about religious persons struggling, yes, but let's also have stories about them thriving in religious communities. We could all benefit from that kind of open-mindedness.

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find spiritual fulfillment? Do you recommend any particular parishes?

LP: I attend a parish in Queens - reach out to me directly if you want more specifics. Otherwise, in Manhattan, I'll recommend a few parishes that stand out:

St. Francis of Assisi is fantastic, very welcoming, diverse community, and caters to so many marginalized people.

If you want spectacle and the Seat of Everything in NYC, St. Patrick's Cathedral.

I have a special place in my heart for the Dominicans over at St. Vincent Ferrer, it was one of the first churches I attended regularly in the city. You might see a few familiar faces at the noon mass, and sometimes the Sisters of Life go there.

If you want to go to an 11pm mass in Times Square, check out the The Actor's Chapel/St. Malachy's. It's quite something. They have actors and singers galore so the liturgy is pretty beautiful.

St. Ignatius Loyola is a BEAUTIFUL Jesuit parish on Park Avenue, and the music is out of this world good.

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find artistic fulfillment?

LP: I have done a lot of work with Turn to Flesh Productions with my good friend Emily C. A. Snyder. I've worked with a lot of companies, some of which have moved away or developed into other companies - such is the nature of the theater!

To get inspired, I visit new places in the city. There are always new places to go. There are still neighborhoods I've never even set foot in and I've been here since 2012.

I read about 50 books a year on average. You have to keep your mind moving so it doesn't get stagnant. And there are a lot of independent used bookstores in the city that you should DEFINITELY support. The Strand is an institution. And Heaven help us, when we get the Drama Bookshop back, you should support them, too.

I also took a class recently with the Brooklyn Institute for Social Research when they had one on "Bible as Literature." Take any class that you can afford. Sign up for Barnes and Noble alerts, they always have famous people come to read from their books in Union Square.

CAC: What is your daily spiritual practice?

LP: I pray throughout the day. My prayer life is extremely simple, basic, and conversational. I spent a long time dealing with anxiety and depression, and I have found it best to just live in the silence with God. I expect a lot of myself by nature, and so my biggest challenge has been learning when to ease off and just know that I am loved by God. I find a lot of comfort in spiritual reading. Read Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke.

I'm self-conscious of the fact that it seems like I often do the bare minimum of what is expected of me as a Catholic, but my heart is at peace - most of the time. It helps to find a spiritual director or regular confessor who knows you well and can guide you when you're feeling lost, and it was important to me when I moved here that I find one quickly. He's busy, but he'll make time.

CAC: What is your daily artistic practice?

LP: When I was writing my novel I wrote several times a week, and it was a real pleasure. It's good sometimes to work on creative projects that are simply for fun, because it's easy to lose sight of your art as anything but hard work. But, in general, I try to be really protective of my time and energy. I wouldn't say I have a daily practice, but I am trying to get better at doing at least one creative thing a day, even if it's just composing funny dumb tweets.

CAC: Describe a recent day in which you were most completely living out your vocation as an artist. What happened, and what brought you the most joy?

LP: A collective of playwrights including myself have been meeting regularly with the New Sanctuary Coalition at St. Francis Xavier Church in order to write plays based off the interviews the NSC does with immigrants living in the city. It’s been a salve to the soul to find a way to share those stories with the world, they are urgent stories for our times.

CAC: You actually live in NYC? How!?

LP: If you want to move here and are not sure what you want, or if you don't have a big budget or any credit, or some other reason why you don't want to or can't rent your own apartment right away, I recommend starting in a short-term sublet. I arranged a sublet on Facebook in the month before I first moved here, with a girl I hadn't met. I found a sublet group on Facebook, and I know Craigslist (although sketchy) does have sublet opportunities as well. Technically speaking not all subletting is "legal," but NYC subletting laws are pretty draconian. There are legal sublets out there but I can't speak for all of them. It's a little ridiculous, but only the strictest of landlords really seem to care. Just something to keep in mind.

I will be very candid with you - if one of your parents has a very high paying job, you'll be in much better shape to rent your own place. Oftentimes landlords want renters with a guarantor who makes anywhere from 40x to 90x the monthly rent.

If you can find a roommate, do it. Keep open lines of communication about what your priorities are in a living situation. Those things typically come down to:

1. Distance from the train/Manhattan/jobs 2. Space in the apartment 3. Personalities 4. Interest in the neighborhood

If your roommate has a parent who can be the guarantor, or one of yours can be, you will be in great shape to find your own place, even without jobs right away. If not, subletting is your best bet. Do NOT be afraid to speak openly and candidly with each other about finances. You have to be realistic. You have to be wise.

I live in a neighborhood in Queens called Astoria. I share a 3bed convert (meaning it's 2 bed with no living room now because we made it into a bedroom) with a big kitchen, a decent bathroom, and a great landlord. I pay around $900 every month for this, and I'm paying for proximity to the train, proximity to Manhattan (I can be in Times Square in 25 minutes if the trains are running on time), and space. The price jumps up at least $500 a share once you try to find a similar place like that in Manhattan. Yes, the prices are insane. The cheapest studios I see are somewhere around $1500 and you usually don't get much space for that money. The more roommates you have, the cheaper your rent can be, but you will have to sacrifice things like privacy and quiet.

When I first moved here, I paid $750 a month for one half of a 2 bedroom apartment in the same neighborhood, but the landlord was not great, and we had mice and heat problems. You really get what you pay for, and sometimes neighborhoods (like mine) get trendier every year.

I found both apartments with a local broker who knows the neighborhood, and I found her on Craigslist. This is not a blanket endorsement of Craigslist. If something seems too good to be true, it definitely is.

Stay away from Williamsburg, or anything off the L train for now. Look up where the train lines are going to be shut down for long periods of time, and don't move there. Good neighborhoods to look at for lower budgets:

Manhattan: Inwood, Washington Heights, Harlem, Queens: Sunnyside, East Elmhurst, Astoria, Long Island City Brooklyn: Bushwick, Crown Heights.

I don't know Brooklyn super well, honestly, but there are parts of Brooklyn that are still affordable. The ones I listed are all really vibrant and diverse communities, and if you want to be a part of them, they'll be glad to have you. If you have your heart set on Manhattan, you will be paying a lot more for a lot less convenience (longer walk to the store, higher prices, fewer laundromats), but you will have proximity to a lot of cool stuff.

CAC: But seriously, how do you make a living in NYC?

LP: When I first moved here, I got a job at a hotel as a food runner and then a server by attending an open call I found on Craigslist. I also got a job as a host at a Times Square chain restaurant because I had friends who were working there at the time and got me an interview. Another friend recommended a temp agency to me. I got a decent amount of work through there. Basically, it's easier to get a job if you have an "in," but you may have to start at the bottom of the barrel and work your way up.

Some weeks I worked five days at the restaurant, one day at the temp job, and mornings at the house of an actor preparing for a one-man show he was doing. I had to keep really careful track of my paychecks and budget to make sure I would have enough for rent. I made sure I had a cushion of money in my checking account just in case I had an emergency.

The hours will be long and frustrating and you might cry a lot, but if you can stick with it through the tough times, I promise you that you will be able to work anywhere in the world and do anything you want to do, because you did it in New York. Go to open calls. Make phone calls. Walk in and be ready to fill out an application in person, and ask to see the manager right away. Be proactive. Let the rush of energy and fear from being in a new place help you take action.

The one thing I will say is don't let the job become your whole life. There are so many things to see and do here, and you want to have the time to enjoy them. It's not just about survival, it's about living well, and about having time to work on your art. Now I have one job in due diligence, with benefits and healthcare, that allows me to work on my theater stuff, my real passion, in my spare time. I've been with that firm for a little over four years.

CAC: How much would you suggest artists moving to NYC budget for their first year?

LP: I moved here with about $5k, and it took me about $3k to get settled over a period of three months. I lived out of suitcases but clawed my way into an apartment, and took it from there. I also talked to my parents to figure out what my "bailout" fund looked like, and they gave me a ballpark figure - if things ever got really bad, I knew I could call them, but there was a limit, so that encouraged me to stay frugal. I didn't consider that money part of my budget, just a little peace of mind - and I still haven't used it. (But keep in mind, this was in 2012, so adjust for inflation!)

CAC: What other practical resources would you recommend to a Catholic artist living in NYC?

LP: Apply for an IDNYC. It's a municipal (city) ID card that comes with yearlong museum memberships that you can sign up for via the website and it's also a valid ID card if you're somewhat irregular in your living situation - anyone who can prove residency, even homeless persons, can get one! Also, make www.broadwayforbrokepeople.com your bookmark for discounted play tickets. Most theaters have discount programs based on age. You can also try for lotto tickets using the TodayTix app.

CAC: What are your top 3 pieces of advice for Catholic artists moving to NYC?

LP: 1. Go to Mass, every Sunday. Try out different parishes until you find one where you feel comfortable and welcome. We have so, so many and they are waiting for you to fill them up with your time and talents. If they are in your neighborhood, so much the better.

2. Invest in your neighborhood. Shop local. Get to know the community. Attend local events. You're going to meet people you'd never have met back home, and most of them won't be artists, or Catholic - although some might be both! It will inform you creatively more than you know.

3. Surround yourself with people who treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve. This might seem like general life advice, and it is, but as a Catholic you'll find yourself facing challenges in the city, and as an artist in this city, you'll certainly be challenged. But at the end of the day, when you lay your head down, wherever you find a spot, you have to know you are safe and loved. Nothing is worth your respect and dignity, and do everything you can to maintain it. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you feel trapped and afraid. You aren't the only artist (or Catholic) to feel this way in this city.

#laura pittenger #playwright #director #catholic #catholic artist #catholic artists nyc #catholic artist connection #ball state university #new sanctuary #new sanctuary coalition #writing #writer

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