Ida is Constantine's good ex.

They separated on good terms after a few months because Ida wanted to start a family and not Constantine (for obvious reasons). Then, despite Ida's efforts to keep in touch as a long-distance friend, she quickly no longer received any news from him.

So when she sees him barely older and seeming lost in his town… she takes him for a ghost who has retained a very human appearance. She rushes to him because she is surely not the only one to notice the presence of a “tourist” in town.

She takes a minute to pity him and apologize. He hadn't ignored him, he was dead!!! Then start explaining to him why as a ghost it's not safe for him here even though it's very nice of him to visit <3

Constantine had not informed Ida about magic, after all it was one of his exes from before his cancer (a little near the time when he stopped responding to her) and his first triple sale of soul for escape death. But he knows Ida well enough not to contradict her. In addition, she gives him all the information in flash notes that he is looking for.

…

Okay, he also missed Ida. It felt SO strange to see her old. But she apparently hadn't lost anything from a mental point of view

This is how Constantine was invited to have tea and catch up on lost time at Ida's in addition to having a more complete debrief of the Amity Park situation

Might post a coloured version tomorrow but have this for now! - doodles while im working on my bigger Gabriel drawing (below)

I need to live in a lighthouse for a year. it wouldn't fix me but it would do something

(Top to bottom) how do they feel in this no contact

Pile 1

I see that they feel like things is over but they want to talk or get closure, they want to spend time with you. They feel like you guys are meant to be together and they want a honest start with you or they want to tell u the truth about something. Signs- cancer, Gemini, Sagittarius. Initials- C, W, Z

Pile 2

They don’t want things to be over or they don’t like the separation, they want to rekindle the connection. I see there could have been a third party or they were making you feel jealous, they used to cross your boundaries a lot and t by now that they’re wrong but they didn’t think you would catch on or leave them because of it. They don’t like the silent treatment they’re getting, signs- Aquarius, Scorpio,cancer. Initials- Q, H, J, D, R

Pile 3

They feel unhappy without you, they’re looking at old videos at pictures of you and they reminisce alot. They want to go on a date or spend some time with you, they like you still and they can’t get over you or they feel like their feelings for you is getting deeper. Signs- cancer, Aries, Virgo. Initials- N, Y, W

Pile 4

They feel like the connection is one sided and they feel like they have to chase after you to get your attention, they want your affection and energy. They want to talk to you or talk about the issue, they know that they sabotaged the connection but they want to rebuild it. Signs- Aquarius, Aries, Taurus. Initials- B, X, R

Please watch my 18+ Aquarius love reading, personal readings always available

I did it. I went "No contact" with my family about a year ago. After 9 years of therapy, I walked away.

I was just beginning to accept that these people would rather threaten me with court action than hold my brothers accountable for their sexist, racist, and generally bigoted behaviour when, I was diagnosed with advanced cancer.

The plan was to fill my life with new things but I didn't mean terminal cancer! Not the kind of "new experience" I was hoping for.

Having said that, I'm grateful I've had time to find safe people that make me feel loved and wanted.

Including my fellow Tumblr poets.

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What is blocking reconciliation?

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Pause and take a big breath in, then choose the pile you feel the most drawn to🦋

Masterlist • P@tr30n • Personal readings

Pile 1

Some of the main blockages for this reconciliation are indecision and a whole lot of lack of clarity, accompanied by feelings of isolation, of not being supported and needing to deal with everything on your own because emotionally and mentally you know you can’t depend on the other person for help. This knowing doesn’t necessarily have to be true though because in the past either you or your person, or both of you even, have dealt with experiences that were sort of unpleasant and your minds have stored those unpleasant experiences to a point in which it makes it really easy for you to categorize, label and compartmentalize all these other experiences that happened after those moments. There are associations of new experiences with memories of similar past experiences that have really made it hard for the both of you to actually believe that you’re there for each other and that you want to offer and show support, but due to what you have gone through in the past, it was really hard to believe at the time, maybe it’s hard to believe now as well. It’s very easy for human being to just assume what the other person is feeling or thinking about us, it’s easy to feel like you rightfully know everything about them and about what is going on within them and that’s what gives it some form of realism, it seems like that’s actually what is happening, when in reality the other person could feel completely different than what we are assuming, but instead of asking or clarifying, we continue on believing the story that our minds have painted based on their behavior and comparing it to past experiences that go way deeper than romantic love or friends, down to the relationship we had with our caregivers and what we have seen around us along with what beliefs have been passed onto us. There could’ve been moments in which the support wasn’t there, where it was actually how the other person showed up, but it wasn’t all the time either; that lack of clarity has truly made you both go to really difficult mental and emotional places when it came to each other and your relationship and it has caused a whole lot of baggage; this is the root issue that —

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Pile 2

The main root blockages for this reconciliation are definitely well represented by either you, your person or both of you just effortlessly wallowing in such an unhealthy self-pity, refusing and clinging to move on from the past and just letting go of what has happened which results in you both beating yourselves up over past mistakes that you have made and taking those on as your full identity. Not only this but also not taking on a whole lot of accountability within the connection which has made it very easy for the both of you to simply allow this fear of failing each other to just limit the effort that you have been putting into this relationship when you were together. This is how the dissolution of the relationship started and how it’s been for a whole lot of time, until one of you actually started to see things for what they are and actually put some of that mindset behind, trying to guide the other towards doing the same thing in attempt to save this relationship but it just was too late. The two of you just couldn’t move on from that fear of disappointing the other, maybe it was warranted to be afraid of that due to some criticism or an issue in communication that has caused the both of you to take things personally, to feel like you were being blamed for everything that was going wrong in the relationship almost like you were passing blame from one to the other back and forth, but it’s also been something that you have heavily experienced before in other relationships too. There might’ve been small mistakes that lead to bigger problems or even past criticism, small experiences that have had such a big impact on the both of you and made you believe that it’s so easy to disappoint another, that if you can’t meet their expectations, then you are just doomed because you messed up so badly to a point in which you lost value, the other person might not want anything to do with you anymore. There’s a sense of catastrophizing everything, but it doesn’t seem to be directed at each other or when the other messed up, it wasn’t such a big deal compared to when you both individually messed up and the other would speak up for themselves, in however way they knew best at the time. If you messed up, it was like it was the end of this relationship and those mistakes kept daunting you both until —

If you enjoyed this reading, the full, in depth reading is available to read on P@tr30n which you can find in my masterlist pinned post. Thank you so much for your support💗

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Dividers by Kawaii-Lau on Tumblr🦋

pro tip: do NOT try to paint "just a little" stain onto your ceramics at 11:50 at night. do NOT balance the box of stain (green) (carcinogenic) on the corner of another box to do so. DO NOT SPILL YOUR POWDERED CARCINOGENS at MIDNIGHT. it will take you half an hour to clean it up and you will feel paranoid the entire time. you will also lose several books that you couldn't clean up completely. and a towel. and some really good pajama pants you're sorry to see go.

I... should be fine?

lads i have shocked and frightened the specialist and become a part of their medical experience

Goooing to have to be a little more specific cause I mention like four separate things...like

Is there a club for getting all jobs to 90 (again?)? Think they call it No-Lifeing FFXIV Is there a club for procrastinating? I think they call it being an artist or a writer. Is there a club for avoiding getting a life partner in real life? ...I mean speaking from experience I think they refer to me as just a "Single (Passing) White Male" cause you know society like its cookie cutter molds. Is there a club for doing any of those other things while trying to keep my head down in the hellscape that is an American Election Year? I honestly don't know, it just seems like the sane thing to do.

my mum: stopped me at every opportunity I asked to come see my dying grandpa bc ‘you don’t want to see him like this’ even tho I already had seen him and he had been happy to see me after years estranged from that side of the family and I very much wanted to fit as much time with him in as possible before it was too late and in the end she blocked me from all of it

also my mum: you never came to see your grandpa, you don’t give a shit

and now my mum yet again: won’t let me come see my gran who has been losing weight and falling and breaking bones a lot and been in and out of hospital since being on her own. Didn’t let me go talk to gran when we were both at my great aunt’s funeral last year and so I never saw her and she only found out I was there through other people who saw me. Refuses every time I ask to see my gran, including now when I’ve got presents for her

also my fucking mum right now in the same breath as refusing to allow me to come over: you never come to see your gran, you don’t give a shit

make it make fucking sense jfc

Maverick deserves the world and all the goodness inside it.

He’s been through too much.

i need more casual friends bc i'm getting extremely tired of being the therapist friend 🙃🙃🙃

can I hit someone with hammers for 15-20 mins

To absolve, or not to absolve?

I'm dying at the age of 41

My abusers could try to contact me

Might come looking for absolution

My therapist said

Although I was gracious in the past

I don't owe grace to those that hurt me

Still, if they try to find me

Do I ease the suffering of a fellow human?

Or do I leave them with the knowledge that I never wanted to speak to them again?

Thoughts anyone?

I think the worst part about remembering is that at this point, nobody is off-limits. i was constantly surrounded by people who were abusing me/letting it happen when with my father. in the first few years of trafficking me, we lived in a tiny apartment that barely fit two people, let alone four. my little brother & i slept on a mattress on the floor while our father & his girlfriend slept in the bed. half the time we didn't even get sufficient covers or pillows. and his girlfriend didn't even seem to think anything of it. never tried to help us/provide bedding, never offered to turn the heater on for us, nothing.

we were in such close quarters that I don't know how she WOULDN'T have noticed something was wrong, but. that's the same woman that knew I was sick and had a borderline dangerously high fever, but still drove me to goodwill so she could try on clothes - I was literally sitting on the floor of the dressing room with my head leaned against the wall, fighting to stay conscious. we were just down the street from where my mom lived and she knew I was sick, but she didn't seem to care. neither of them did. my mom was FURIOUS when I got home and she took my temperature. all she had to do was look at me to know I was really sick, and she was pissed at my father & stepmother for knowingly disregarding that. my mom & her side of the family are the only reason parts of my childhood were good. they care about & love me so much, and I'm so grateful for that.

but.

I'm scared because I think my stepmother's brother did something to me too, but I can't fully remember what, and I don't know that I'll ever have all the pieces to put that one together. I'm scared because my uncle (father's half-brother) always scared the shit out of me and I can think of only one reason as to why that could be, because he was never physically abusive - he could yell, but he never raised a hand to me or his two daughters.

we lived with him for a while, on two different occasions. I was terrified of him. I didn't feel safe if his wife (my aunt) wasn't around. I don't remember enough to know for sure though, which is the only thing keeping me from losing it tbh. that bedroom down the hall in that trailer was the first place my father raped me. they might've even been home at the time, my cousins & their parents. I just - how could that stuff happen so closely around other people and NOBODY noticed? it makes my chest hurt. how did nobody think anything was just a little bit off? I'd scream & cry every time it was my father's weekend because I knew what was coming, but no one else did, and I was too scared to tell them.

it's hard not to feel a little bit bitter about that. it's even worse to have to seriously consider the idea that yet another family member was abusing me around the same time. and if my uncle really did do something to me, that terrifies me. my cousins are both girls. their mom lived with them for a while, but at some point she seemingly got fed up (she wanted to live a very different life) and walked out, which left my cousins alone with him.

I can only pray that the only man that did anything to me was my almost stepmother's brother (the woman we lived with in the apartment; she & my father broke up eventually) and not my uncle too. I highly doubt he'd only abuse me and not his daughters in that case, and that scares the shit out of me. what I learned in those eight years my father abused me is that no one - and nowhere - was safe. sometimes the men would pay my father in drugs, which I now know they probably did together because she developed a nasty addiction while she was with him - I'd seen him do hard drugs pretty often, and she did them too. I wonder if she knew where they came from. I can only hope she didn't bother to ask, but I doubt he would've told her if she didn't already know.

she didn't protect me. she didn't ever try to get between my father and I, even though she'd witness him screaming at me & sometimes hitting me. I was eight fucking years old. I still remember the time I innocently tried to help with my brother when he said a cuss word & getting smacked by our father because I "was not the parent." I sure fucking felt like I was. even my brother's own mother didn't take care of him the way she should've, and even if she does now, that's not something I can just forget.

I don't know. I really hope it's just my brain being paranoid, but I can't know for sure right now. I want to be able to say my uncle only intimidated me with words/yelling frequently, but I don't know. I don't know. and I hate that. I hate that the memories come back with no real consistency, and that I might not even be done recovering them. I want it to be over but I get the feeling it isn't, yet. I don't know if it ever will be.

I just hope I'm wrong, because that would make things so much worse. the one place I felt safe/like I could get away from everything was the same place I was raped for the first time, and in that case maybe it was never truly safe. maybe I'm an idiot for thinking anywhere with my father was safe.

at this point, all I can do is hope he didn't hurt me, but I can't even be sure he didn't.