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#i actually cant think of the last time i was contacted and that stuff didnt pop up
maraeffect · 11 months
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i need more casual friends bc i'm getting extremely tired of being the therapist friend 🙃🙃🙃
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cyberbullyinc · 1 year
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😐
#ive been added to this gc for the 3rd or 4th time after i explicitly asked to NOT be added back bc im always fucking getting ignored like#last time the person who added me was like omg i hope this is ok and i was like no it’s actually not ok i dont wanna be added back please#dont add me back and she was like omg im so sorry i totally understand :( and she did it again 😑#the reason i didnt wanna be added back was bc i considered them my best friends at some point but ever since like the p*ndemic started#everything just went downhill and on one hand i understand they have their own lives and don’t have time to answer etc but on the other hand#they never had time to reply to MYYYYYY messages specifically 🙃 and it hurt bitch to be always the one ignored#and the reason i havent left this time like i just didnt care to be added back was bc idc anymore like alsjfjfk im still in contact to#whoever i wanna be in contact with i still text someone individually like i don’t need to be in a group setting to be friends with this#person and she’s mentioned a bunch of times how dead it is lmao so i was like wtv i do send a text once in a blue moon but it’s not as#active as it was when i originally left so it’s not obvious when im ignored lol BUT!!!!!!#the person who added me back…. the person who IGNORED my boundaries and request to leave me the fuck alone has ignored every single message#ive sent since she added me back :)#like she literally just wants public for her little show and she did this even before i left and was the main person why i left lmao bc the#rest were like going through stuff and i was like u cant be here i get it but she’s always ANYWAYS SO ABOUT ME!!!#i literally sent a text i think yesterday? and she didn’t reply to it at all but she just started talking about herself like 😑 WHY DID U ADD#ME BACK!!!! u dont ‘miss US’ lmfao u miss that i kept the gc alive which gave u attention !!!!#i dont want to be ur fucking spectator go post it on fb#anyways end of rant 😌
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mkscatgirl · 2 years
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Actually speaking of eye contact I have made a weird amount of DIRECT eye contact with my crush the last few days
#like i was thinking recently that i didnt actually know his eye colour cause i never make legit eye contact#but then yesterday we made a bunch and there was a specific moment last night were i was like this is A LOT#so like theres a guitar in the phys common room and we kept our stuff in that room when we went to the Halloween party#anyways thats not important when we got back into the room to get out stuff we started talking about some stuff and then my crush started#playing the guitar in there because he can and like other people were talking so they werent really paying attention but i was cause of#of course i was teehee anyways he like figured out how to play the opening of roundabout aka the outro of jjba#and then he was like you know what this is? 👀 and i was like omg YEAH! and then as he played it he just like made eye contact???? like th#the WHOLE time????? like he only looked away once for a second to double check his fingers but it was like a solid 5 to 10 seconds of just#pure direct eye contact WHILE hes playing the guitar which i thought was crazy#and also today when we were talking about phil stuff he was explaining a concept and again we made like Eye Contact where he only looked a#away to the other people like once briefly and then right back to me and it felt weirdly disproportionate#but maybe thats because i was looking too intensely or smth???? idk how that works i barely understand eye contact to begin with#but like i dont think i was being weird he was the one talking so i was looking at him thats called Active Listening#but also i need to take every thought i have in regards to him with MANY grains of salt because naturally i will be very biased LOL#anyways i need to STOP talking and instead go to sleep or at least try (AGAIN) because i need to be up in 7 hours because i DO WANT TO go#to my phys lectures but alas i have cant fall asleep and thus am sleepy in the morning disease#and my phys elective course is much less important than the essential math course afterwards#so id rather be more rested in math and have to read phys lecture slides than be TIRED and miserable through both classes
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beardisable · 1 year
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been rewatching the teasers for new context
"learn the history. find kill the founder" we didnt really learn much history in generation 1. this is... a call to action for US, for the next parts. to keep watching and figure out the lore. so in the end we can know enough to kill the founder....? SURELY HAHA
(the inaguration has its separate post here)
i dont think Connecting... has much? Its the tape we see in the ending with the showfall chime in the video, now we have confirmation the person recording and showfall are working together(prob the same corp anyways)
now Connected... (copied text from a comment lmao)
"Look into infinity" "One of many" "One of millions" you are not the first or the last to be chosen, you will join a cast
"You are now worthy" you have been chosen to join :)
"One to another One to yours One to another" not really sure about these? maybe "from one to another role"? feel free to rb/reply with ideas
The posters! it seems like we DO have contact with someone from actually the outside? who does know whats going on and tries to warn us? or is it another ploy by showfall/the founder to entice us into the mystery...
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we see a figure block the screen for a moment, i find the white square instead of ranboos black box square Very interesting. i dont think its the founder bc it feels way too obvious to give out this easily? but i do think the white box might mean like. this person has been completely brainwashed and under control...
and then the message is taped over by ranboos missing posters, which we know now were made BY showfall media. 2 posters are torn, to show WATCH from the below poster. as it is the only message they agree with. keep watching!
Announcement this is the same guy that flashed by in the previous video
"all around THIS world" is pretty suspicious as i saw someone point out... are there other worlds?
This seperate person(?) is trying to contact us during this
"where is this signal going?" hmm... perhaps the outsider isnt even completely sure what they are doing? just trying to do SOMETHING to stop this, to stop us from watching and enabling the continuing of this
"Found them!" is interesting... its not in red so ill assume its by showfall? maybe sneeg and charlie have tried to escape before, but gotten caught again?
"is this working? i dont have much time. i dont know whats happening." AH so yes they are trying to do Something but not really sure what/how
"i dont know what you are" INTERESTING. this makes me wonder still if the outsider actually is free of showfalls influence, can they even understand we are the audience, or is it about something else...
"it already found him" i wonder if... ok maybe nonsense theory but maybe this video and its interruptions were made after the first stream was done..? the red text outsider got some access as Hetch/H "messed" with the systems, but had to cut it short when they got ranboo after all in the end?
"it got everyone, everyone but me. i have to save them, i have to stop this" OR or... the outsider is another person who managed to escape the... "draft"
also the announcer guys head keeps swiveling and goes featureless in the end like haha nice generation loss the social experiments episode 3 ending reference
The Hero ok so the obvious being the censor bar.. it was the black box all along, he was always doomed like that... i do wonder though if the switch between the pixel and irl is meant to show like... the blinking between control and concious decisions and stuff that we see a lot of with the mask
i cant figure out anything that can be recontextualized in the 2 trailers rn. maybe puzzler saying "your final game begins now" since its the second episode but... also he dies in the end of ep 3 so it was his final run of the show? (but also i dont think theyre dead so lmao idk)
i do find the lack of trailer 3 very interesting too... lulling us into a false sense of security that this 3rd one isnt a show and is real?
ok im. brain empty. if yall have comments on this let em rip id love to talk about this(once my cells regenerate)
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ok ok i've been inspired here is a big ramble about worldbuilding stuff that i think makes the resistance fight more interesting
under a read more bc 1) i need this to be sectioned into paragraphs and 2) i imagine this is gonna be WAY LONGER on a phone than it is on my laptop screen rn
okay so first of all. SCREW YOU SKYBLOCK TIME THAT'S REALLY BORING!! so skyblock goes through a year in about 5 days in our time. one day/night cycle is 20 real minutes. cool right? dante's reign lasted a little over 2 years! WRONG. admins are lame and decided that it's not an Actual year, it's literally a period of 5 days. one of the hub NPCs explains that the nights just go by REALLY fast here. BUT WHY WOULD A DICTATOR ONLY BE ELECTED FOR LIKE 12 DAYS THAT'S SO LAME, A 2YR PERIOD GIVES THE SITUATION SO MUCH MORE URGENCY... i think it's more fun to imagine being "logged in" puts you in an odd state of time where you experience more time than what passes. players stuck in the server were only gone for ~12 days but they Felt over 2 years go by. like that one training chamber in dbz or whatever
ALSO IMPORTANT. travel was banned by dante after a while. this meant that you were stuck wherever you were. 2 things of note here tho. 1) it's implied that all the islands including the player homes are connected physically, so theoretically you could fly to someone else's island, maybe even to the hub and back, if you were someone who could fly (maybe you have wings?) or if you have enough mana and dedication lol... but also point number 2. you could still log out, technically that's travel when you think of the servers/smps/etc as all being connected in some way. well that's no fun. imagine instead being fully cut off from the outside world. no chat to friends who arent logged in, no escape, nothing. there were probably poor outsiders who saw their friend suddenly disappear without a trace for a while. skyblock players are prone to do that, but they arent even available in chat?? that's not like them :/ augh i love it i love thinking abt ppl wondering where their friend went and they're like "lol sorry we had to kill some dictator. yea it was this whole thing. the admins all trapped us on the server too. no they were on his side. yea :/"
so anyways with that out of the way, think of how much more serious the resistance becomes with just those two changes. TWO YEARS dante spends making the place unlivable, slowly taking everything from you. money, pets, access to buildings (unless you pledge your allegiance to him of course), travel... but eventually you find out there's ppl who are planning on rising up against him. well why rise up, cant we just contact the admins? nope, no contact with the outside, we're trapped here. also, they're on his side anyways. yes, even simon. this resistance is gonna secretly make and distribute armor with the power to fight off dante. apparently he gets his energy from the moon or something. also dante banned the sun. dont ask how. either simon did that for him or dante has some very concerning powers. they have to get people with their cause without getting caught, but dante eventually puts out a notice that he caught word of a resistance brewing... so we got caught somehow. are there other people are on his side? one of our own reported us? well that might be a MASSIVE problem one day. could have also been an admin, since two of the generals live with one (aaaaand one of them would eventually become an admin. he also didnt lay a hand on dante during the fight despite being a general. hmmmmmmm)
it's all done and settled and things need to be rebuilt. everything is okay. someone put up a grave for dante, saying dante best of course. so his supporters live on. great, awesome, love that. but much worse than that. a goon was spotted in the main hub. no not the skyblock hub. the MAIN hub. outside of the skyblock realm. they escaped........
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videostak · 8 months
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rly strange weird thing happened last night that kinda has me in a idk just CYCLICAL feeling cause some1 who ghosted me like 4 years ago (i knew them from high school and they ghosted me like a year or so after it ended) and last night they texted me acting like nothing happened and just started up a conversation. well they said sorry but u kno just on the side like as if it hadnt been like 4 years.. this was like at 11 at night too so i dont kno i entertained the idea of conversation thinking she'd like kinda go more into why she hasnt contacted me these past 4 years. she's not one of the people i was particularly closee close to or even connected particularly well so it didnt even hurt me too bad when she ghosted me so like i dont even or cant even summon up the energy to like call her out on it cause i dont feel too strong abt it but it is v strange and .... weird. actually got a text in like idk 2020 or 2021 from a random number presumed someone i removed from my contacts apologizing for being m i a saying theyd make it up to me but when i asked who it was and that i mustve removed them from my contacts they didnt respond lol. i wonder if that was her. but also there were like 2 other people it also couldve been i wished i remembereed exactly what the text said cause if that previous text said m i a it couldve been the same person cause she also said m i a in reference to it . anyways i talked for a bit about how things were n stuuff but feel very dirty abt it . just letting someone treat me like shit and walk all over me again with no regards to my feelings like its been a long time since ive even talked to someone i kno irl so it feels so cyclical again and also my fault the way i act like completeley ok w/ ppl just treating me however and picking things back up whenever they want to. and also like idk the nerve of ghosting someone for 4 years and not even saying who u are when u do text them back like assuming theyd still have u in their contacts lol.. tho idk she did say that it wasnt just me and that she hadnt messaged any1 for like the past few years idk its v strange to not give any further explanation when it was getting later at night i texted that i was gonna go to sleep n stuff and she didnt respond and she hasnt texted today yet but its still p early i kinda hope she doesnt like idk we literally dont even have a single thing in common and i def feel like we have less in common now than back then. i also like idk dont rly kno what to do. im hoping she doesnt message again but i guess if she continues to ill be like umm hey lol. idk its so easy for ppl to walk all over me and make me do whatever like idk i think i really am easily manipulated as dumb as it sounds. like i v rarely object to being made to do things but theres no reason for me to even attempt to rekindle a friendship andthe fact that she message presumably intending to do so has to mean she like mustve gotten into a argument or smthn w/ her friends or smthn or that theres something idk. just made me feel so dirty and gross last night texting pretending
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moss-and-marimos · 5 months
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info dump to me about whatever media, OC's, albums, or anything else that comes to mind! :D (if you want to, that is)
infodump incoming about my dnd character
Grahhhhhh Percival makes me actually wild, hes a triton, he looks like this, sorry If ive showed you him before I cant remember
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but this guy makes me actually wild. hes so unwell hes got so many issues. we've finally started getting a little into his lore in the campaign and I got to call his sister last session which is a big step, and hes finally getting comfortable with the party calling him nicknames which is a big deal because like very very early on campaign I told the other players that he was the type to silently judge you if you called him Perci instead of Percival if you weren't close with him, but last session was the first time one of the other people slipped and called him perci and I got to be like 'he doesnt react negatively' and theyre all like omg we got nickname privileges and im very happy about it at the same time unfortunately though, a lot of his development is kinda gonna go down the drain now because we've got a new player joining the campaign and its really gonna mess him up, he was finally feeling comfortable in the character dynamic, they just saved his life literally and that means a lot to him, but now a new person is joining and thats going to feel like a big betrayal of trust he had a party before this one a few years ago, when he was a lot newer to the surface, and they didnt really care about him or treat him well, and so to get healed by the others meant a lot, because the other party wouldnt heal him unless he was fully downed, always saying that he was overreacting because he was a kid (he was 16-17 at the time) which just wasn't true, this guy has a high pain tolerance and is used to hiding injuries from adults, and so to 1. see his party immediately heal him and for even the pacifist to start taking the fight seriously once he got seriously injured meant a ton, and 2. that they didnt immediately freak out at his blood being the 'wrong color' (his blood is blue) also meant a ton to him. this guy has issues he has so many issues. hes got some kind of complex about not being human enough and it messes him up, but the party has all been nice about him being nonhuman and it means a lot, even though he still tries to mask a lot of his nonhuman traits around them
in the future at some point the campaign is going to go back to the undersea and im trying to figure out how he would react to that. even though hes a fish and comes from the ocean, ever since he left at 16 I dont think hes ever, or at least not often, gone back. his parents were really awful, and hes scared to step very deep into the water because, even though he can breathe underwater literally, metaphorically it would feel like drowning. I think he might be able to put it aside for a little bit for the sake of the party and having to teach them how to move around underwater and stuff, but I definitely think it would mess him up pretty bad. he would also be happy to see his sister though, she's an artificer, and is probably going to be the one to give them the stuff that allows them to breathe underwater, he cares about her a ton and vice versa. ironic for him to be a fish with a fear of the ocean
fun little details about him: - he has a sending stone flavored as a seashell, his shell phone we call it, he uses it to call his sister and thats the only contact it has, and its a cowrie shell (his sisters' is a conch) - He really idolizes his sister, she pretty much raised him, she's the reason he dyes his hair white and wears it in a ponytail - This fish is transgender 💪💪💪 so is his sister too - He can bioluminesce and its one of his stims is that he makes the lights flash up and down his forearms - his name is a fish pun based on the genus perciformes
We got to do a thing recently where he was like actually scared, because he has a lot of issues with bodily autonomy and so being mind controlled is one of his worst fears/triggers, and there was/is a very real potential for that to happen, and its one of the first times the party has ever seen him scared and I love describing the changes in his body language. Most of the time he presents himself very confidently for lack of better term, very open body language, but when hes scared that changes, he doesnt lean back as much, his tail flicks, he clutches at his forearms (especially since one was recently injured when he almost died) and leaves claw marks in his leather bracers, etc
I have more I might put in another reblog bc this is getting really long
traumatized with so many issues -> 🐟
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pacifymebby · 2 years
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Hey bestie im not sure if you still check this blog but it’s age gap crush anon here! I wanted to get in touch with you on your new blog but I don’t know if I could bare the humiliation of revealing my identity to you since you only have your dms open not asks/anons.
But basically im back with some big updates! So the guy who I was kinda seeing who was the rebound from AGC (age gap crush) ended up being wishy washy. He just wasn’t what I expected and when I skied him what we were after 2.5 months of talking and having had sex he said he thought of us as just friends 🤡. So I made it clear to him that I would be seeing other people and seeing him as ONLY a FRIEND. We still talk a bit but not as much and I will not be getting intimate with him again.
Now for the second update it’s about actual AGC. So it was his birthday recently and I shot him a happy birthday and he was very happy I did and then I ended up seeing him when I went out tonight we got to chatting and catching up and we talked until he left. It went so well and it was so fun. So when he got home he sent me a message saying to message him next time I’m at our favourite bar… I don’t even know what to say or do cause obviously he broke my heart but I also just miss being friends with him :/ And I don’t even know if he was just being friendly or if he’s actually interested in me again??? Sorry for the big update girly. I hope you’re doing well and are feeling good!! 💕💕
Hey lovely i am so sorry i didnt realise i didnt have anon turned on in my other ask box!!!!!
Its so nice to have an update, i love hearing from you and i really missed not hearing from you whilst i was away!
I think that was a healthy and solid decision from you about wishy washy rebound man, he sounds like he wasnt what you wanted at all and idk, you can do better i think. Its also quite telling if now youre not having sex the rest of that relationship peters out, itll show that there was no depth to your connection and that you werent even really meant to be friends. But if he keeps talking to you and stuff without you giving him sex then thats nice and at least you have a pal.
I mean generally men wont ask you to contact them again unless they want you to.i think if he was just being polite he wouldnt have said for you to let him know next time youre there.
It also sounds like from what went down, that you had a connection and liked eachother. I couldnt say whether he still has feelings for you or not but id say him reaching out to you and wanting to be friends at least shows you he has respect for you in a way or a desire to spend time with you.
I think you should try and be casual about it, and be guarded too, he broke your heart and you cant be certain he wont do it again. But didnt he end things last time because he was still fucked up from his last relationship? He maybe just needed time, and hes maybe realised hes missed you you never know?
I think its worth maintaining the friendship and seeing what happens next. Dont let your feelings run away with you, even though i know that can be difficult. I think dont wait around on him coming back like that too long, but you can give him time.
Thank u for the update lovely, manifesting positive things for you and less wishy washy confusing men!!! ❤️❤️❤️
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forestryfae · 8 months
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i dont. understand. when are they expecting us to be able to do laundry. i have an hour in the morning i guess but i physically cant get myself out of bed unless its absolutely the last minute and they dont wait for you to hang up your laundry, theyll just drive away from you.
theres also an hour right after i come home from work but generally i need it to change clothes or shower and to regain some of my energy.
after dinner theres like 2 hours but jesus christ i JUST got back from work and i share laundryday with another guy, i have no idea how much laundry hes gonna do
then theres a meeting every other monday and a dumb bullshit hike that takes like 2 hours then were back around 7:30 or 8 i think and generally after a long tiring hike where noone waits for you so you dont get even one break even tho your legs are burning there isnt much energy for laundry. and then theres that one meal we get afterwards as a reward or whatever for the hike and then at 9 they lock the laundryroom.
so theres like 1 and a half hours there too ig but who has the fucking energy. we need showers too. and to eat. so like yeah theres like a few hours here and there and one load of laundry takes half an hour with the big machine but thats still a very tight schedule. esp considering they REALLY want us to go on the hikes cus its An AcTiViTy ThAtS gOoD fOr YoU.
like. i have limited energy and i only have so much time in the day. i can only do so much in one day before i run out of energy and i need to be allowed to be tired and need to rest too. i dont function well on tuesday evenings specifically because im exhausted. its why i take wednesdays and fridays off. i need the extra rest and time. like. idk how to even explain it without sounding lazy and whiny and kinda pathetic for not being able to do a million things a day back to back. but i actually need time to decompress and shit. idk.
the point ismondays are a shit day to do laundry, i dont want to do it on wednesdays cus i like to have time off but im expected to clean my room the millisecond i wake up and im more often than not woken up with "good morning, what are you going to do today, i think you should do laundry and cleanyour room" like thanks now i cant get out of bed until 12 and i cant do anything i was planning to do cus yall wont stop fucking pestering me if i dont do whats expected of me every single minute im alive, and they never fucking check when i actually do clean and usually cleaning my room results in 'you missed a spot'. like why even botver. its so fucking stressfull and i dont know how to stop bekng stressed and when people try to help they make it worse and itpisses me off so much, i hate having people mess witvmy stuff and moving shit around and touching fucking dirty clothes then moving clean stuff.
like jesus christ im allowed to be tired. i need to be allowed to have hobbies and free time that doesnt result in my brain being occupied by being pissed cus someone told me what im Supposed to do instead of just allowing me to fucking do what i need or want to do. like can i get five fucking minutes where i dont feel guilty cus i dont shower fast enough or i dont mop the floor fast enough and i dont walk fast enough and im not strong enough to just do shit without ever getting tired or needing rest.
were not even doing real therapy rn, i wanted a psychologist and i still havent gotten one, i wanted to talk to the economics guy and i still havent been able to, i cant talk to anyone who isnt my primary contact and i have no idea how to even reach out to her plus shes not always working so i dont always see her, and like. a lot of the time i feel like whatever i say is just Too Emotional and its not actually worth the time but my guy my parents have been treating me like i dont deserve to exist in front of them since i was a fucking toddler and when i got bullied in school my parents thought that was my own fault for getting angry that i was being treated like shit. i didnt fucking grow up with people who cared about me unless it suited them, im fucking allowed to be upset and confused and terrified and worried about shit. it makes perfect sense that i dont understand any fucking thing and im struggling so fucking much. i should be getting help and getting rid of the shitty fucking house and getting diagnosed and maybe even medicated. i should be in fucking therapy and i should be talking to SOMEONE about shit instead of sitting in my room crying every weekend cus i dont know whats wrong with me and im starting to get worried that im just too fucked up to be fixable or atleast able to be liked by people
in other news the laundrymachine was taken and theres stuff hanging to dry cus the people working here did laundry today and now i have to wait until saturday and i have like 2 tshirts and 2 pants and one bra and one sweater thats clean and that will not last until monday
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cherrytea556 · 1 year
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Are these signs/symptoms of neurodivergence?
I'm questioning if im neurodivergent (like autism or something) and i want to know if these are sign/symptoms of it based on my experience;
I tend to notice how i always tend to move in repeat (spinning, rocking back and force, bouncing leg, doing step to step etc...).
I make little eye contact with people. Now i am capable of making eye contact (even if it feels a bit off) though thats a habit i always have.
I dont know how to explain things in my head, i have the idea but i dont seem to know how to actually explain what it is and comes like idk, choppy? Definitely not well, thats for sure. Same with writing like now.
I tend to notice that sometimes i dont understand basic stuff like when my parents asked me to do something in a direction, im confused on what direction they meant until they point it out or a question my friend asked on how much i eat (a lot or little), i try to explain it in my own way because i thought it was in general but it was actually just food on one plate. She wonders why it was harder for me to answer since it was suppose to be a easy question, to which im also questioning as well.
I'm not good at communication. I try to with questions and stuff but i dont think i can have a long conversation unless the other person wants to talk about stuff (and even then i wonder what input i would give). Comforting is also hard for me since i want to make sure that im doing it right for my friends though i dont know how, again i try, and i do understand them if their upset about something, i just don't know how to exactly comfort them.
I use to have poor coordination when i was younger, whether its bumping into things or spraining/hurting my foot, my coordination wasnt up to standard to say the least. It got better as time went on though i find that I cant walk a straight line, its always a bit to the left or right.
I have a forgetful memory. I tend to forget things from my childhood from a large proportion or i have such vivid memories of them but i cant be specific at explaining it. This is also why i have trouble at school at times because whenever a video is playing and we have to write during the video playing, im worried that i wouldnt catch on and answer nothing.
I dont understand comedy and how to do it, im often the last one to get the joke (which is why i probably wont write a comedy, instead focusing on characters and how they bounce off each other)
People tend to tell me that i either talk loudly or quietly even when i dont notice it (especially being loud)
I dont sit properly. I notice that i dont sit regularly most of the time
I repeat stuff like pulling the jacket sleeves to my hands or just generally repeat something if i feel like its not right. Also when i was young, i use to repeat things characters say a lot of the time which faded but hasnt completely stopped)
I dont know if its sensory issues or something but i hate kissing noises, i always tend to swat it away like its a fly
I used (and still do) have weird visions, i dont want to describe them but they were definitely odd. I also notice that i view myself as random characters from media, not that i think i am the character but when im talking, i imagine myself as the character as im talking randomly if that makes sense
I laugh even if i don't actually find it funny
I took online tests and most of the answers were that i have moderate symptoms/chance of autism (not to self diagnose of course, just questioning)
I use to walk around in circles daily when i was in primary and i still do (just not around the whole room/in the oval this time lol)
For some reason, i dont have energy to do things like there was work for health yesterday and i finished it all except for one which isnt hard to answer exactly but i didnt have the energy to do it for some reason. It's very hard to do stuff if your brain just randomly has nothing (which happens at times)
I will play a movie multiple times in the background for some reason, it could just be a decent enough film and my brain will just make me repeat it as background noise (the knives out franchise, 7 women and a murder and now its death of 2021) This should be taken a grain of salt since it could just be things neurotypical people do as well
I dont think i have a special interest though when im really interested in stuff i found, i would look into it and want to share that info (like a creators unknown controversy or a random person i never heard of before having a tumblr call out blog about them) Im just really interested in odd things in general. I also regularly look at specific blogs/tags on tumblr daily like its a thing in my routine lol
I cannot make new friends (similar with communication but in a more general sense) i just dont know how, theirs students that nice to me but i dont know how to make them my friend per say (i dont connect with my year group that much tbh)
I think thats all I have, any answer to this is welcomed
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iscratchdoors · 1 year
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blah blah trans healthcare rant dont mind me
i know people get pissy about regrets being given voice but holy fucking shit i should have not taken my time trying to get on hrt. i already knew i would eventually have to get top surgery to live my life normally at like 14 years old but for like 2-4 years after i was going back and forth on wanting to go on t, partially bc i wasn't sure i wanted all its effects and to look like a Manly Macho Man (wow a 15 year old struggling with the idea of looking like a 40 year old man? no way) and other gender stuff but mostly because everything i'd heard about trying to get hrt was a fucking horror story and i was already dealing with a ton of shit so i took my time to really make 100% sure i wanted to be on t (coincidentally happened when i became an adult and youthful androgyny stopped being an option, who woulda thought?) before ever contacting a doctor about it and holy FUCK was that a bad idea
it's always "take your time" and "don't rush into things" but holy fuck the waiting game is fucking insufferable. i did exactly that and took my time but turns out, so will my doctor! it does not matter how much Taking My Time(tm) i have done before seeking medical intervention this dipshit needs to take half a fucking year to even start talking to me about treatment. 6 appointments since last year and i've so far done nearly all the talking and gotten 0 information back and for about half of those ive been hearing that "next time we might talk about the next step" and guess what! we fucking haven't! because i need to wait, wait, wait, and make sure, and wait
for fucking what? ive already done all the making sure, giving me more time isn't going to change shit except delay my ability to live a normal goddamn life. he's not a psychologist and clearly doesn't know shit about autism, so i have no clue why he thinks he's qualified to decide if that has somehow tricked me into thinking im trans, a thing that famously happens. he's not telling me shit about fuck about how my treatment might even go and im not allowed to even fucking ask because that immediately gets shot down with "well we cant just give you hormones right away" BITCH FIRST OF ALL its been MONTHS ive had all my psychiatric work done for YEARS before i ever had to deal with your donkey-headed ass and im literally just ASKING. FOR INFORMATION. NOT A PRESCRIPTION.
but noooo we have to wait wait wait, wait before we even talk about the one goddamn thing i came for. like we arent sitting here having talks about my truest inner self and how to best achieve it or whatever the fuck i didnt come here for counseling and it certainly isnt what im fucking getting. like what the fuck does he think is going to happen during an arbitrarily decided waiting period? i suddenly change my mind? without him giving me ANY information about what im getting myself into? hes going to discover some secret psychosis i have that my ACTUAL PSYCHIATRIST didn't for years??? it doesn't make any sense. it's always "oh you can't get hormones on the first appointment" WELL CAN I AT LEAST BE FUCKING SENT TO ENDO BY THE GODDAMN SIXTH???? im not taking shit at my own pace im entirely reliant on someone else's that they decided for me with frankly no justification
and i can't even vent my frustrations about this to acquaintances and relatives because for some goddamn fucking reason, they almost ALWAYS take the doctor's side. i complain about the shit i had to go with my joints, nobody assumes the doctor was in the right when i tell a story of how they fucked something up or were a prick. i say one bad word about THIS motherfucker and suddenly well the doctor has his reasons surely :((( you cant just expect to be given what you want immediately :(((((( what if someone gets on hormones and changes their mind :(((((( not you just Someone :((((((( still your problem tho :(((((((( by the way i need you to listen to this story about how a trans person you've never met annoyed me once :) i dont have anything against trans people btw did i mention that? i really dont. if you want medical treatment die tho.
every single fucking time. what the hell is it about transgender healthcare specifically that always makes people play defense for a medical professional they dont know anything about. i know im kind of unhinged with anger and hyperbolic from rant frenzy but i mean no exaggeration when i say that i genuinely believe that half of these people would rather see 100 trans dudes kill themselves than let 1 confused cis girl end up with a deep voice and extra body hair. it's fucking ridiculous. even my goddamn social worker gave me the "can't expect hormones at first appointment" speech. a fucking WEEK ago. first appointment was LAST YEAR girl. no matter how directly i describe exactly what's wrong with my doctor's approach and why (it's not only the waiting period he's just a general cunt) somehow the narrative of the entitled impatient trans person who is attacking this poor poor medical professional on an unhinged whim when really they could just accept themself and be cis and happy :( is the first thing that springs to their mind. there's not an ounce of trust in me, or anyone else in my position.
and this is all just the first step. i'm already looking into paying out of pocket for surgery because the fucking rate this is going at doing it the standard way seems a last resort more than anything. but to even get into talks about getting surgery done, in ANOTHER FUCKING COUNTRY most likely, at that, because fuck me for being born here, i of course need to be diagnosed and on hrt! haha! amazing! i can't do shit to progress any further until ONE OLD FART decides that i'm allowed! wanna permanently ruin your health with booze and smoking? sure! you're an adult! wanna get a cosmetic surgery in line with your agab? aye if you can pay for it! oh you want to get a different cosmetic surgery to improve your mental health at well over 18? now hold on there bucko we're going to need 2 doctors to sign off on that, what if youre just being an insane wackadoodle and you'll regret the horrible, horrible fate of not having titties while living as a dude. that's not a decision you can just make. have you considered spending the rest of your life unable to comfortably go outside or even move around much inside your own home instead? seems like a much safer option.
and all the waiting and frustration is one thing but the absolute lack of support is what really finishes the job. i go to my dumbass dipshit appointments and do my dumbass dipshit jester dance of how good of a trans i am and may i please please please have a crumb of medical care sir? spare a doing your fucking job sir? and after that goddamn exhausting ordeal of justifying my right to existence and well being i go home and instead of winding down i fucking do it again. no reprieve. and then i go to my room and i wait, wait, wait, wait, and wait, and it never fucking ends, and all i do is wait, wait wait, wait, wait, and i barely even get to talk to people who aren't paid to do it anymore, and i wait, wait, wait, and im slowly going more and more insane, and wait, wait, wait, and life is a fucking nightmare, and i wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, and there's no one left to ask for help, and i wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, and think about putting a hole in my skull, and wait, and wait, and wait
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astrochemstry · 3 years
Note
Oooooooooo what about the eddsworld gang reacting to the reader being without glasses for the first time????
Also, I love your fanfics!! <3<3<3
Wassup thanks for the request and thank you!! Im so glad you love them!
I love this request it holds so much chaos huehuehue
Tom and Tord’s is kinda short since i didnt really know what to do with them so sorry abt that!! And if i got anything wrong with the eye stuff, pls tell me so i can correct it! Hope you like it!!
made it for both platonic and romantic so take it however you want
Edd:
I mean You did take your glasses off buuuuuuuuuut
He stole them lmao
You were napping and you put your glasses on the bedside table or coffee table
And hE TOOK IT
actuALLy he has done this so many times before
Once, he hid it somewhere
You found it above the fridge
He probably broke one
Told Tom to go buy you a new one lmao
Ok buT this time you caught him
Edd got bonked
Okok but like
He likes it when you don't wear glasses
He leads you into walls lkHFJADGFJA
He thinks youre cute
MATT:
THIS GINGER BOY
hE WORE IT ONCE IT HURT HIS EYES
HE HAD TO GET HIS OWN
He can see but not for long range (is that how you say it)
He rarely wears it tho bcs “iT hides His BeAUTY”
You try to get him to wear it but like he starts pouting
But you scare him with the fact it could get worse so y EAH
But he doesnt wear it when theyre gonna go on an Adventure bcs i mean he doesnt wanna break them lmao theyre prolly expensive maybe
He thinks youre vv pretty tho
With or without glasses
I think you both like
Have matching outfits
He only uses his glasses for that
Tbh i think Edd would prank you both lmao
Fake breaks your glasses or something
Once you both had a challenge on who could last the longest without glasses
You both failed
TOM:
He tackled you into a hug once and you guys broke it lmao
He thinks youre pretty and he likes your eyes even though hes seen it many times
He can wear your glasses and he wouldnt even feel pain tbh
“How?”
“Bowling.”
He takes them off and he wont give it back unless you give him Smirnoff or smthing
he made a song about you without glasses
Honestly i cant say much hes the most tame with this so yeah
TORD:
Smack him
The first time you took it off this little shit is just
He BReaks them on purpose
And he makes fun (lighthearted and if youre okay with it btw) of it
But like if ppl do it to you hes getting mad lmao
“Get your hands off Sheila”
“Tord, this is my optometrist..”
Bcs this guy keeps taking your glasses you got contacts
Pretty sad but i mean
You put it on when hes stressed so he can lighten up yk
Overall, he loves it
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hnnyoongs · 3 years
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akai shuichi headcanons
shuichi wears a beanie all the time because he's self conscious about hir hairline .... and I mean who can blame him? id be too
shuichi saw gin when he was visiting Japan in the 10 years ago flashback and was like ooh long hair is cool AND it'll piss ka-san off flash forward 5 years later when shuichi infiltrates the BO and is like fUck cool long hair dude is a psycho
shuichi cut his hair off when he heard akemi was killed by gin he kinda went into the whole mental breakdown mode and was like fuck this shit because he started growing his hair out cuz of gin and also akemi really liked his long hair
shuichi used to be a band kid when he lived in England and wanted to pursue a career in music (much to the chagrin of Mary) but after tsutomu disappeared he was like fuck that and stopped playing until he entered the BO
shuichi has a really bad memory about things that dont have to do anything with his job kinda like BBC's Sherlock but not as bad
shuichi used to find dead bodies when he was a kid just like shinichi but it wasn't as often maybe like a dead body once a year or something
shuichi named himself dai because that's what Mary actually wanted to name him when she was giving birth she was screaming die die die and tsutomu wasn't there yet so she was like aight die sounds like the japanese name dai the only reason shuichi wasn't named that was that tsutomu burst in and was like FUCK NO
shuichi was picked on when training for the FBI since compared to 6 foot jock white men shuichi was a 5 foot 7 asian with long hair and dressed like a teenage girl who frequented Starbucks in the toxic environment of the FBI for anyone who doesnt fit the mold shuichi had it cut out for him
shuichi showed signs of multiple mental illnesses but they were all difficult to pin down so he was never diagnosed with anything since he refused to talk at the FBI mandated therapy sessions
shuichi's type is someone who is kind but could wield a gun
he used to dislike kids but being around them as okiya has made SOME kids special in his heart
before tsutomu's disspeareance he taught shuichi how to hunt with a shotgun
shuichi lived off of sports drinks and bars whenever he was single since he couldn't rely on take out due to it being unhealthy which wouldn't help his FBI styled life
shuichi taught akemi simple self defense techniques but refuses to teach her how to shoot a gun saying he didn't want her hands to get dirty
shuichi and shukichi blackmail each other for favors by using the "ill tell ka-san you did that one thing that you blamed dad for when we were kids if u dont help me out"
scotch once told him that bourbon's type was a white milf (in reference to Elena who was white and was a mother) so shuichi was scared as fuck when rei met Mary's adult self for the first time
shuichi hates being compared to his mother but the truth is they're the most similar and they both started mimicking tsutomu after his disappearance
the only thing shuichi knew how to cook before meeting yukiko was plain white rice as that was the only thing tsutomu was able to teach him
shuichi mimics an American accent while talking in America or talking in English unless he's talking to his family or he's mentally shook up and his British accent slips out
he thinks in British accented English as well (idc if the animanga shows him thinking in japanese it makes no sense that western raised people like Jodie and camel think in japanese) but he does use some japanese like ka-san and when he's trying to get deep into his okiya persona
he tries very hard to keep the polite speech patterns of okiya Subaru since as akai shuichi he's very .. rude
shuichi's sniper skills were so good the fbi was willing to overlook his disrespect of authority and his tendency to do everything by himself without consulting everyone
shuichi slips into a British accent around James if he's feeling really comfortable
he felt bad about using shiho since she was only a year older than masumi and she hadn't done anything wrong so he vowed to get her and akemi out of the BO
he had a plan to get akemi and shiho out by convincing the higher ups to grant them immunity if they testified but akemi's death derailed the entire thing
he hates to admit it but his family is the most important thing to him he may not contact them that often but he's going to such lengths to bring his father back because he cares for his family so much
shuichi didnt really know what he wanted to do with his life once he took down his father's pursuers but after akemi and scotch he decided that if he solved his father's disappearance first he'd hunt down the BO next tho once learning that Haneda Koji’s death had something to do with the BO he's back at the thing where he doesn't know what to do with his life without revenge
he promised shukichi that he'd be the one to solve shukichi's death if what happened to Haneda kohji also happens to shukichi
he isn't a fan of dates in amusement parks but if it makes his partner happy and smile he'll have fun
dating Jodie was a quiet thing most likely from an attachment maybe due to a bad case or a loss of a mutual friend depending on the agency they might have been legally allowed to date each other but it is usually looked down upon I dont think they went out together often probably spending time together at home ... doing stuff
he identifies as bisexual it was normal to him in childhood since both Mary and tsutomu talked about their past relationships to their children he never told anyone due to the fact it would affect his FBI status since it was illegal in America shukichi and Mary know he's bi but shuichi has no idea Mary knows
akemi and shuichi would take strolls in parks go shopping and go to cafes
he's very self conscious about his height and whenever he goes to Japan it makes him feel good about himself since he's relatively tall there
Mary was the one who drilled japanese into his head not tsutomu
the last time shuichi talked to Mary was when he called her up to tell her to take masumi and leave Japan for Britain after masumi cornered him and scotch him and Mary had a whole argument and after that they stopped talking to each other, not that they talked to each other much in the first place
shuichi learned jee kun do by watching training videos from vhs tapes/cds/YouTube depending on when you consider detco taking place I personally believe conan shrinks in 2018 meaning that tsutomu disappeared in 2001 and shuichi used a mixture of tapes and cds to learn
shuichi can read people really well but has a hard time manipulating people by being nice he can use people by being a jackass very well but trying to be a normal person is hard for him
Yukiko and yusaku remind shuichi of his parents before tsutomu disappeared but like more upbeat
shuichi dislikes full body hugs
akemi and shiho were both anime and romance drama fans so he knows random things about the shows and uses that info to connect with the DB and especially haibara
he considered himself British first and foremost but when asked about whether he considers himself white or asian he'll always go with asian
he started smoking soon after his father disappeared since his father used to smoke and he needed to cope but didn't wanna fall into drugs like cocaine
smoking is heavily looked down upon in America and is seen as unprofessional which helped shuichi go undercover a bunch due to him being a heavy smoker
akemi would make him stop smoking around her and shiho saying that second hand smoking was dangerous and that shuichi who was smoking constantly was going to get lung cancer but he would tell her that he just couldn't stop smoking he did stop smoking around shiho and akemi tho going outside to do it instead
as okiya it makes him go wild because he desperately needs to smoke to cope but okiya cant smoke it doesnt fit his image so he smokes a shit ton at night during his nightly drives
shuichi forced himself not to smoke during his time visiting Japan when he met masumi because he knew Mary would get even more upset with him
shuichi was terrible driving American styled cars and he got so upset that he perfected his drive-in techiuque over the years just to spite the instructor that said he was barely passing
he likes to go on late night drives and speed on the high way because he's a thrill seeking idiot
he has no social media but he created on as okiya Subaru to keep an eye on haibara's higo stan account
he takes offense to the idea that he's stalking haibara he's just p r o t e c t i n g her
he wants shiho to be happy more than anything so he's an avid coai shipper and is exhausted in Conan's obliviousness
shuichi didnt tell shukichi he wasn't actually dead shukichi just walked up to okiya Subaru one day and was like shuuichi-ni-san right? shuichi has long stopped questioning shukichi's weird ways of knowing shit he shouldn't know
shuichi is a sherlockian but he's not like shinichi or hakuba in that he does not hate BBC's Sherlock and actually enjoys it a bit
one upside to shuichi living in America is that he gets to hoard guns because he's obsessed with them he thinks they're really cool it's like conan with Sherlock he starts yapping his mouth of about them
bourbon once dangled a gun on in front of a sleeping shuichi cuz he didnt believe scotch when he said that rye was obsessed with guns and started saying incorrect shit about the type of gun he was holding and shuichi just shot up and started berating him
shuichi hates that chianti is a killer because she's the only person who's as much as a gun fanatic as he is
he tends to steal Jodie's car a lot
he likes fucking with peoples heads it's very fun to him to watch them get all worked up
shuichi hasn't mourned his father yet because he doesnt believe his father’s dead
deep down he blames his father for his mother going slightly bonkers
he didnt want masumi to be a detective at first but now hes proud of her
he drinks a lot as okiya Subaru since he cant smoke as much
he's willing to go to hell if it means he can rip gin from limp to limp
he really hates gin yall I dont think I can convey how much he hates gin
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summercurial · 2 years
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hmm. lately thinking abt things has made me really acutely aware how unsatisfied i was in my relationship with aidan, basically the whole time. like. the sex was really good. and he provided touch when i needed touch. i love touch so much. but like. he wasnt interesting to talk to! he wasnt interesting psychologically. we were sort of sexually compatible but mostly because he just like. did what i asked him to mostly? ugh. i feel like the feeling of gaining relationship experience i had is sort of revealed to be bullshit? like, idk, i think a "real" 2 year relationship would be pretty fucking different! to the point that idk if im ever more prepared for one should it come along. ugh.
idk my feelings are compounded by being at the end of uni, and acutely aware that this is all ending soon, and idk. its kind of a relief. im scared about grad school. but i remember how much i love doing math in an academic environment when i can actually yknow, see my peers and stuff. and i feel...inadequate, but also like im smart, and if i push myself, and im in the right environment, and i focus on the right stuff, i can really excel. but im aware that like. i probably wont see these people again, assuming i end up doing the phd back home. and i cant even really have a proper hurrah with them or whatever because fuck, ive been gone for three months, and before that we had a full semester but still didnt see each other that much, and now i dont share a class with most of them so its like. idk. its making everything feel very. pointless and like i just wanna get it over with
so im lonely and overanalyzing all my relationships and. idk i was pretty lonely back home too. its hard to get enough social contact without work or school. i need to talk to my therapist. i need to get into the groove again so days start passing fast. i feel like the last 3 days went by like molasses
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xgryffinwhore · 3 years
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can you do something with bev🥺 like it can be literally anything - it’s just so hard to find stuff on her
I KNOW RIGHT!!! bev content is lackingg!! don’t worry, i got you
the right words to say
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warnings: bev x fem reader!!! soft fluffiness heh. and smoking. aaaand language.
word count: 1.2k
her fiery locks bounced short on her head as she road fleeing sherman lane. her crew socks and worn out reebok’s peddling her rusty bike down the slope of the asphalt. lose floral sundress flying back from her sped, the cuts and scars on her legs exposed. some fresh, from your recent adventures.
she is your best friend, always will be. ever since you two met each other, your souls intertwined. she’s cool, cooler than anyone you’ve ever met. she’s stubborn, can be such a prick sometimes. but she’s beautiful, in a friend sort of way. yeah, just in a friend way. right?
to be honest you had no idea. sure, you were in highschool, you had boyfriends and you liked your boyfriends. but your boyfriends didn’t act like bev, they didn’t speak like bev, and they sure and hell didn’t smell like her(like the perfume she stole from the mall; citrusy with a touch of musk.
it was just a girl thing though, it was normal to think your friends were pretty and shit. everything you were feeling is NORMAL. it’s normal to blush when you think of your friends, it’s normal to stare at them when they’re not looking, and it’s normal to imagine their lips on yours so soft an-
“l/n” bev mused “you seriously need to go to bed earlier, it’s like i’m pulling you down from jupiter.” you shook your head and looked back at bev, her break stand on the gravel and her foot dangling from the bike seat where she perched.
“sorry marsh, i’m good now” you threw your bike on the ground and began walking with her toward the quarry. the water was a deep turquoise today, matching your bra you used for a bathing suit.
you both stripped eagerly, the summer sun making your skin hot to the touch. she wore a white bra and pantie set, with little pink polka dots. “nice lingerie” she joked, pointing at your black underwear with a small duck on them. “shut it bev.”
you held yourself hand out in an invitation to hers, you always held hands and jumped in together. her hand clasped yours, it was rough and calloused from the days she spent climbing up trees to get away from henry and gretta. before you had time to think bev had jumped, her weight pulling you with her.
the water always felt the same, frigid. it was refreshing on the days that you couldn’t walk on the asphalt barefoot without burning the soles of your feet.
beverley’s head popped up shortly after yours, she slicked her amber locks back and inhaled deeply. your bodies floated on the stagnant water, for a while actually, it was so peaceful.
your bodies migrated to the shallow part of the quarry, a little place you and her called ‘pebble palace.’ she handed you a opaque stone “pebble for your thoughts” she always did that. you took the pebble and rubbed it in between your index finger and thumb. “dont really have any right now” you breathed, your mind crowded with every thought imaginable.
“well i have one” she stole the stone back from you, “scared for highschool to start back up, if ‘m bein honest” she skipped the stone into the water, that’s what you two did. after a pebble-thought has shared, you had to throw the pebble back into the water.
school was closer then you’d like to admit, a week left of days like this. you picked up a pebble and threw it in the water, “still get to see you though, so i’m not too bummed.” she smiled like the always did, “yeah, it’s that aspect isn’t as sucky”
she laid back on one of the rocks, she usually naps around this time after we are done swimming. the sun captured her perfectly, her freckles looked like constellations and her limbs were loose and relaxed. she was alluring.
her nap was short lived, the sun was hot, you both mutually agreed to go back into the water. she splashed you "so, you still talking to kent?" she asked, you looked down and smiled "nah, too boring." you both splashed each other and she prodded "but why not? too pretty to be riding solo"
that made you blush under your sun burnt skin, she took noticed and continued "probably the most gorgeous girl in this town" she traced her fingers along your jaw "soft on the eyes" she slurred.
you stood there idle, why was she doing this to you?
"such pretty hair" with her other hand she rain her fingers through your damp ends "and eyes" she titled up your head to make eye contact with her. she was close now, you could smell the lilac candies on her breathe. you both subconsciously gravitated closer to each other, you lips almost brushing. your breath became audible, the tension in the air could be cut with a knife.
you turned around and regulated your air flow. "what the fuck marsh" you cursed "what the fuck is happening?" you carded your locks through your fingers, your world running in circles around you. "im sorry y/n- i thought you liked it!" she sloshed her legs through the water to be face-to-face to you once again.
"what are you trying to do to me?" your feeling welled up in the corners of your eyes and began to drip down your face. " y/n, i thought you and me and some -eh- chemistry?" your eyes went blank, homosexuality was a ew concept in the 80's. sure, men homosexuality was well known but female? barley heard of, basically only in porn (which you may or may not have watched.)
"bev- we cant be into each other" you laughed nervously "we are friends, we are GIRLS, we cant like each other." beverley's face dropped in disbelief "i see the way you look at me l/n, you cant fake that type of shit" you tried to stop her but she kept going:
"youre the only person who makes me feel something, youre the light of my life. youre not like anyone else, better than any stupid boy. youre everything y/n, everything."
your words stumbled together, you couldnt form a sentence if your life depended on it. "i- well thats so nice of you ca- i feel that som- well no that you r- like agree-" she hushed you with a kiss, fire works went off in your head. kissing a girl felt so much better then kissing a guy.
you spent the rest of the evening holding hands and walking around the forest 'no i thought you were so pretty' 'i think ive like you forever, swear to god!'
bev and you road back to your house, your curfew was soon. "so" bev started "ive been dropping hints for like- ever- why didnt you stay anything?"
you bit your lip in contemplation; you were never really good with phrasing things. "i guess i was just looking for the right words to say" you bashed. "and that is" bev leaned in "i love you" you whispered, she answered by kissing you one last time before the sun fell behind the horizon.
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safetyrat · 3 years
Text
My take on the Jack Manifold being killed by Tommy discussions
This is written so someone who isnt caught up can understand, so lets start at the beginning, Jack Manifolds ad Tommys relationship. Irl Jack and Tommy are very close, but I don’t think they had a strong established relationship in character before exile, especially because Jack was mia for a lot of lore? Many relationships on the smp get taken from the ccs dynamics before the smp (wilbur and tommys mentor/brotherhood, puffychus date), which is why they have been interpreted as close? Jack was part of lmanburg and they have interacted for sure, so I think its fair to say they were friends in roleplay, even if not like,, best friends
during exile, jack visited Tommy- well, tried to visit. Tommy punched him off the bridge in the nether and made sure he died. Jack lost all his stuff and was pissed offed - but that was about it.
The tone of the visit could maybe be compared to the one with Mamacita and Mexican Dream? It was in character, but it wasn’t... serious?
It feels wrong to call it “friendly banter” when mexican dream died, but you cant call it a “Building Character Moment For TommyInnit” either. Jacks visit was similar.
At that point, neither Jack nor Tommy refered to the death as “canon” - the wiki did, however. Not sure what happend there, but it was listed as Jacks second death and when he died on Doomsday, went to hell and back - that part of lore doesn’t work without Tommy killing him.
After Jack came back from hell, he started a bigger character arc with Niki revolving around taking revenge on tommyinnit. Killing him until he is dead permanently. And while that is not presented as the right thing to do - both niki and jack consider their characters villains - its not irrational or without motive.
Tommy has made mistakes and hurt people - whether these were justified is in the eye of the beholder.
For Jacks arc right now, Tommy killing him is an important motivator and a driving point for his plot. Nothing about Jacks current character would be the same without it. Because he acknowledged the death and it was on the wiki for the longest time, its generally considered canon by the fandom.
So, case closed? Tommy killed a man while depressed in exile- yeah, that doesn’t sound right.
A Tommyinnit analysist pointed that out,, earlier today? Thats why we are having this discussion right now. I’m not sure they would appreciate me mentioning their username here, but ive read their analyses before and theyre great, they have a lot of interesting thoughts, and i agree with them bringing this up!! please never send hate to anyone about character analysis!! some people (like me) actually do this for fun.
so, i dont want to touch exileinnit to much, there is a lot to talk about, but... TommyInnit would kill somebody without a second thought. Canon deaths are heavy, theyre big, theyre- and you cannot compare this to punz killing wilbur! Yeah, that wasnt a big character moment for punz, but on one hand hes a mercenary, killing people is kind of part of his job, and on the other hand- the story around lmanburg is not a character focused one, thats a big part of wilburs writing. His main goal is progressing the geopolitical plot and let the character be shaped by it - themes like personal conflict seem less big when there is the fate of a country on your hands.
The exile arc is an entirely character focused story. It deals with themes like mental illness and inner turmoil... do you think it would pass the chance on discussing tommys feelings about killing someone? A past friend, no less?
Murdering someone, on purpose, completly changes the morality of tommys character, and im not ready to commit to that.
There are more reasons I think this, ask me to elaborate if you want, but in my eyes there is no way that Tommy could kill someone in exile with it still being consistent with his character.
So, whats the conclusion?:
TommyInnit killing Jack Manifold is canon in Jacks story, but isn’t canon in Tommys. There is no other way eithers devolopment makes sense otherwise.
This is it. An inconsistency. A plain old plothole.
Oh no, the cinematic masterpiece (/s) that is the dream smp has a plothole, what do we do now?:
...move on? There is no way discussing this will change anything. This type of inconsistency is unique to the dream smp as a medium where the creators have a direct dialogue with the fanbase. This is not the first or last time the wiki has made weird deaths canon, I personally disagree that quackity and schlatt died in the explosion of tubbos execution. This doesnt do against the wiki writers or anything, you guys are so important for this community, but you do stand in direct contact with the creators - an active fan would have probably more, but more importantly different, knowledge of the lore than 90% of the members.
Dont be harsh on the fans, dont be harsh on the ccs, we are exploring a new type of mass reaching story telling here guys.
how do we still make this consistent for the storyline?:
this is where the analysis ends, we are diving more into headcanon territory, but I choose to believe that this was a canon death, but tommy didnt realize it is. In my opinion this just feeds into Jacks themes of being ignored, not taken seriously, etc.
tldr: while tommy killing jack was considered canon for a long time, it doesnt work if you want to have tommys character make sense. Instances like this, where dubious canon gets reinterpreted later happen because of the dream smps unique type of storytelling and should not be a reason for conflict in the fandom.
Thanks for reading, if any of this doesnt make sense after tommys last stream, that I didnt watch because writing this, youre allowed to personally come into my house and assassinate me.
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