Stardust as stardust

So you know how in video games with exos or anything mixing metal and human parts together theirs usually some sort of rejection the body does that basically makes it harder for the brain to accept that it’s part or fully metal now. I have that but the opposite so often sometimes. Like I hate being flesh and human I hate having to eat and perform other bodily functions, i hate needing to breathe, i hate having to itch my body, I hate the feeling of hair on my body I hate everything about being human besides like having emotions. I crave to be metal and release myself from needing to perform what feels like meaningless functions all to keep this body I hate together.

Sidney and Randy headcanons :3

look, just

please, can people tag their art/photos with exposed genitalia with ANYTHING that indicates that? #nsfw, #nudity, #artistic nudity, #body study, anything? i fully believe that kind of art has every right to exist on this site, and i don't think it should be censored or anything, but if i scroll past another hi-def drawing of a beloved fictional characters fucking tits while im sitting in the breakroom at work, im going to lose it.

"NSFW" isnt supposed to just mean lewd or sexual. it's Not. Safe. For. Work.

i'm going insane does anyone want anything

my partner

Watching twin peaks: the return and has anyone noticed Diane has ace nails?!

(Sorry for the quality, watching on my laptop :/)

Diane Evan’s confirmed asexual?!!!

[stares down the camera, slowly leans towards a microphone]

asexual Wong is just as valid and compelling to me as Wong with the sex-drive of a teenage boy. I love them both equally and just want them to be happy.

[slowly leans back after turning the mic off]

me trying to explain why carlo romano from the papa's games is fantastic asexual representation (we literally only know his favorite holidays and that hes a musician) (he writes songs about asexuality because i said so)

It seems that my blog celebrated its 8th birthday. Being that I remember I created this blog shortly after I realised I was asexual, I guess I've known that I'm asexual for 8 years now. ヽ(*￣▽￣*)ノ

I don't remember for sure when it crossed my mind that I was also aromantic. When I learned about aromantic identities, probably sometime after I created this blog, I strongly felt that this information got stored at the back of my brain because I wasn't ready to comprehend it yet. It stayed there, at the back of my brain, for a long time, and I was always hot and cold with how much I acknowledged it. It was only a few years into adulthood that I realised that I was, for sure, with no doubt whatsoever, aromantic.

every once in a while, i see posts about including the sex stripe in the rainbow flag and it's like... i know not having sex is supposed to be included in that, but i still wouldn't use it myself because i never feel represented/included in that way by the wider queer community; it feels like outside of aspec spaces ppl always equate queerness with having sex and it's quite alienating

oh BOY do i hate the way gilbert baker sex stripe discourse goes down around here. getting this out of the way first: it's incredibly well-documented that the stripe was removed because it was difficult to get that shade of pink. people who try to obliquely blame aspecs for its removal as part of the ol' "asexuals are homophobic" narrative are straight up wrong.

...anyway. yeah, the equation of queerness with sex is a MESSY-ass thing. is sex historically and personally important to a lot of queer people? yes. does mainstream society's oversexualization of queerness fuel a lot of bigotry and stigma? also yes. does the emphasis on sexuality within queer spaces alienate people who lack that connection with sex? also ALSO yes. it's a complicated thing, and i just wish people would acknowledge that as queer as sex can be, NOT having sex is absolutely queer as well.

the way i see it, there isn't (or shouldn't be) one monolithic "queer community" - a queer space that centers sexuality and a queer space that avoids it are both equally "queer," and the existence of one does not cancel out the other. a lot of queer circles do seem to focus on sex, and people like you and i will likely always feel alienated in those communities... but it shouldn't matter, since the people in those groups don't represent "real" queerness any more than we do. that's the mindset i try to stick to whenever i find myself feeling disconnected from "mainstream" queer culture - yeah, we might be very different when it comes to some things, but our experiences are both different expressions of queerness that are (to use a somewhat trite phrase) equally valid.

You wanted anonymous asks.

Do you ever stop being uncertain about your asexuality and agender-ness?

I know personally, I doubt myself so much. I figure I must have a gender or whatever, because nearly everyone does.

I'm just wondering if you have that doubt too, or if I'm just deeply uncertain about things.

Yes. I do often doubt myself. With the asexuality, I often doubt myself, thinking "maybe my parents are right and this is just a phase" or "maybe I'm not ace and I've been lying to myself this whole time". But then I start thinking about the fact that people actually have sex and it just grosses me out so much and I'm like yep, definitely ace. And, who knows, maybe I will change my mind eventually, but I really don't think I will, and asexual is the label that fits for me now.

With being agender, again, I do sometimes doubt myself. Like what you said, I think that oh, everyone has a gender, that means I have to have one too. But then I go and try to figure out what that gender is, and the other labels just don't seem to fit, if that makes any sense? So agender is the label that fits best for me, and even though sometime in the future I may find one that fits better, I'm going with agender now because that is how I feel.

And I think that its absolutely okay to doubt yourself. I'm pretty sure almost everyone doubts or questions their gender and sexuality at some point, so you're not alone. I hope this helped. <2

I’m in need of sweet touches

Sometimes I hate having only allo people in my life. I can't rant to them about being frustrated at everyone's obsession with and prioritisation of sex and romance because everyone relates more with that obsession and will always only ever defend it.

And obviously I get that but I hate it because I always have to be the one to get the others perspective. I always have to understand where everyone else is coming from and noone ever bothers with actually understanding my perspective

This is literally the only place where I won't just get reactions alon the lines of "but you have to understand that everyone being obsessed with sex and prioritising romantic partners is normal and you just have to deal with it because you're not normal for not being that way"

Just over a month ago I was 100% convinced that I was bi, openly talked about wanting a girlfriend, mentioned on several occasioned that I want to meet a pretty girl who’d rail me well enough for me to want to uproot my entire life and move to be with her, etc etc. I was so sure of this, believed it for five whole years, almost to the day. The anniversary of my realisation was just about a week away

Then, in the span of one night, it was as though a switch was flipped. Nothing happened, but something changed. I realised that I have never once experienced romantic or sexual attraction to any real person and that the thought of being touched made me want to vomit. I decided that the aroace label fits me better. It was a big hit to my sense of self because I felt like an entire third of my life was a lie. But it’s alright, I told myself. It’s still possible to find people who will love you. Family, friends, maybe a qpr. Everything will be okay. I never was aphobic towards others in any way, but definitely had some internalised aphobia directed at myself to work through

Not long after, when I had yet another fight with my mom, I realised that I was afamilial too. Family was always a touchy subject for me. My parents can't stand each other, neither could my maternal grandparents. I hated my little sister for the longest time because my mom didn't want to be around us any longer than she absolutely had to and essentially dumped her on me. My extended family was always wracked with conflicts too. So as soon as I was old enough to understand all of that, I lost all love for my family. I still care for them and would try to help them in any way if needed, but I don't exactly love them in the expected way. And I don't want a found family either, no matter how much I like that trope in fiction. I've had friend groups before that attempted to assign familial roles to everyone, and I hated that. It didn't matter if I ended up the put-upon older sister, the distant aunt or the mom friend, I refused any role I was given and was ostracized for it. Whether biological or not, I don't want to be anyone's parent, sibling, daughter, or anything else

That was all very hard to work through and accept, but I'm slowly getting there. I had a long crisis about feeling like I will never be enough because all I can offer someone is a platonic relationship. That's still something I struggle with, but it was slowly getting better. Until I suddenly understood that I didn't want a qpr either. I don't know, it just feels like... too much. Too personal, too intimate, too close for comfort. Something that I wouldn't trust anyone to not turn into something I wouldn't want. I have struggles with boundaries, my touch repulsion fluctuates way too much, I have an unpredictable temper and am way too easy to piss off. I don't think I could ever be in something as close as a queerplatonic relationship with anyone, it would make everyone involved miserable. So it isn't something I want either

And now, as if all of that wasn't enough, I'm considering a possible aplatonic identity as well. I'm not completely aplatonic, I have a handful of very close friends that I deeply care for and genuinely love, but I have no interest in expanding that circle. Friendships never came easy to me, I was always the backup friend for everyone to talk to when no one better was around. And when I did make friends, I often struggled with feeling genuine empathy towards them and didn't realise I was hurting them by leaving their messages on read or not wanting to hang out after school. I always felt so out of place in friend groups, and in one-on-one friendships I was always too much. Too clingy, too obsessive, too ignorant of what the other person wanted. Because it wasn't friendship I craved, but attention and a chance to talk to someone. So while I wouldn't trade the friends I do have for the world, I don't want any new ones. I have no interest in "finding my crowd" or whatever. I'm okay with what I have, I don't need anything else. After scrolling through the relevant tags it seems like plato-indifferent demiplatonic is as close I can get to describing how I feel

So... I don't know. On one hand, I'm happy that I'm figuring myself out and can feel more confident about both my identity and what I want from life. But on the other... it feels like some kinds of threads are snapping one by one. Like I'm becoming less and less connected to what is supposed to make me human. I know that's stupid, love isn't what makes us human, there's nothing that decides someone's humanity apart from the fact they're born a homo sapiens. But if I don't feel romantic or sexual attraction, don't want a family or a qpr or new friends, what worth is there to me? Humans aren't meant to live isolated, but I seem to lack the ability to form genuine connections 99% of the time. If I lose my current friends, I don't think I'll be able to make new ones. And then I'll be alone

I know this all probably stems from trauma and if I manage to heal, some of that may change and I'll find myself wanting things that currently make me nauseous to even think about. But there's no guarantee I will ever heal, or that things will change if I do. It almost seems like I was destined to be alone, like my very being is self sabotaging by nature. Or maybe I'm overreacting and this is all just some internalised shit that I need to work through. I don't know. I just don't fucking know

"aroace people are emotionless" "aroace people are cold" i don't know where that notion came from. i love passionately, obsessively, almost clingily, just not romantically. i love my friends, i love my family, i love my cats. what makes you think i can't love?

HAPPY LESBIAN VISIBILITY WEEK to all my lesbians whether you are trans , non binary , black , asian, middle eastern , indigenous, latin, closeted, out , muslim❤️/ christian/ Jewish or atheist , asexual or demi.

Your existence is valid and needed in this harsh world.

I LOVE YOU ALL🩷🤍🤎