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#but you won't get better if you don't challenge yourself!
sciderman · 3 days
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I won't lie, there's a centrain magic to reading comics, maybe it's because you have more control over the direction, speed, voices and music when reading over watching something, maybe it's how creative people can get with panel lay-outs, maybe it's all of those things along with the different art styles and way people express themselves through their comic runs, maybe it's the fact there's SO many of them and so many different runs, AUs, versions, solo-stories and characters that while not every comics is for everyone, there's A comics for everyone.
And it's something that only animation can come close to capturing, occasionaly some games because they can give us amazing set pieces and action and stylization through gameplay. But to me live action movies just miss the mark exept a few and even then i just enjoy the comics more.
I think one big thing for me is the narration, because it helps me relate to characters as someone who's thoughts are pretty loud and narration-like, and the fact it's ME who decides how i make the characters sound and talk rather than having to listen to someone else voice the character in a way that i feel isn't "right".
So i'd say personaly it's comics>>books (i like books, and i LOVE fanfics but the visual part stimulates my brain more) >>>animation>games>live action
i agree wholeheartedly! i don't know, i'm kind of in love with the comic medium. but i love writing, also. i just - i really don't like the passivity of animation and television - i need a lot more stimulation than that to get my brain working. i like all the brain work you have to do when you're reading words. and i love the challenge of pulling off "comedic timing" when you don't actually HAVE the dimension of time in your medium exactly - so you have to work with panelling, and you have to work with spacing in your writing - and it's just so sexy and more active for the brain. like you're inventing a language.
comedy writing in comics is so, so fulfilling because you're a comedian, but your format is visual. you need to rely on visual language to carry it. and jokes are all about expectation and subversion and timing. a joke can fall so flat if that timing is off. and - i don't know, i'm obsessed with comics, as if they're some kind of form of visual poetry. it's taken for granted, i think. it's taken for granted.
i think you become more restricted the more dimensions you introduce - so - writing is entirely free. you can do WHATEVER you want, all by yourself, without needing to rely on the quality of your art software or the actors you have at your disposal or anything - you can conjure any visual you like. comics - more challenging, you're limited by your artistic ability but again - you're not restricted by voice cast - god, i love being able to conjure any voice at all in my head for the boys. i think if i was restricted by voice actors i'd have to write them differently, et cetera et cetera... i'd be dealing with VAs and saying "actually. your delivery is all wrong. i have to rewrite the joke." - i'm so particular about these things, you have no idea.
i remember the first time i watched the deadpool movie after having read the original script over and over YEARS prior and having heard it play out in my head in the most hilarious of ways and then. hearing ryan's delivery of those jokes and thinking "oh. it's not that funny actually."
sorry ryan. it might've been funnier if i hadn't read the script already and hadn't already had the movie play out in my brain way funnier than how you did it. sorry. my brain is a better cinema.
something i also love about print vs film - i've had this problem with a lot of adaptations - i despise film adaptations of books i love, just because - something is so sullied about having so many hands in the pot. actors. camera men. producers. directors. all these people - when - what i loved about the book was feeling close to the author. it's just me and him. we're together, intimately. and all of that intimacy gets lost when you know there's a huge film crew behind it.
kind of weird. i love reading a book and just, giggling over the pages, like it's a joke between me and the author. i don't know, i'm a weird little saddo who craves intimacy. so i like the intimacy of it being a one-man show. i love things where i can feel close to the creator. i hope that's why people like my things too. and it's why i like my things. i sometimes think "ouugh. why can't i work for marvel" but i think about how - i'm lucky i get to create what i want to create without having to compromise or answer to editorial. and what i create can always be unapologetically me. and that means more. that means so much more.
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larachelledrawsfe · 9 months
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Long time no Claude!
Posting this so I will be motivated to finish it...
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alwaysshallow · 6 months
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boys trying to survive nnn with their partner (141 + los vaqueros + könig x f!reader)
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a/n: if it wasn't for @blissful-bunny, there wouldn't be nnn. LMAOOO i hope y'all will enjoy, it's my first time doing something like this... and i think i don't hate it as i did before!
mdni, as always. nsfw below + keegan's version here
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Simon "Ghost" Riley
Being around Ghost durning this time is funny, to say the least. You know about this bet from Gaz, when you invited the whole Task Force 141 for dinner. There wasn't much of a reaction from you, just a nod and a hum that's interesting to hear that. Nothing more, until your boyfriend's friends went home, and you stayed with him, washing dishes.
"You think you're gonna last?" you ask, and you pretty much can't stop yourself from laughing when he gives you a side eye.
"'s just a month." he grumbles, and you know, you somehow irritated him. Or, the bet did, you're not really sure. "Been through worse."
Theoretically, it is true. He's military, he has seen things that you won't ever see, something so stupid like this challenge shouldn't be something hard to do.
Practically? Practically, he takes every fucking chance to get closer to you. You're making breakfast, showering, washing the dishes? He's gonna be right behind you. It's not surprising at first, he liked to be near you always, but it has a malicious intent to it, when he drags his clothed cock up and down your ass, grunting right into your ear. He gets you worked up, and you're pretty sure he's gonna lose, but he stops right before he cums.
You can't really decide if it's funny or sad to see him like this. It's his pained expression that he gives when he bites on his lower lip, grumbling something about watching you touching yourself, so it will be better. You can't really say no to a man starved, so you put out a show for him, thinking how so much better his fingers would be in your pussy.
If it would depend on you, you'd kneel and relieve him, but what can you do, when he has this ridiculous challenge of his?
He breaks after two days, when he sees you in your shared gym, exercising. It's unexpected, when he puts down dumbbells you were working with, doing squats; you want to ask what's wrong, but when he lifts you up, your back hitting the wall, you just know. You even forgive him when he doesn't prep you enough, and he just thrusts into you without much thinking of it, his balls heavy.
You know you won't leave this gym for a long time.
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Kyle "Gaz" Garrick
"You're participating in what?"
To say it was weird, was one thing. To say that Kyle does it, was even weirder, especially that he was straight from two months of deployment. Needy. You knew it, as you were with him almost three years by now, he had always spent hours in bed with you because he missed you like a madman. These two months were pretty much the longest you've been separated with him, so, you can imagine your surprise, when you learned about the challenge, when you two were cleaning your apartment. He was touching you every now and then, giving you little kisses, and now he was talking about something like this.
"I'm—"
"—No, I heard you" you chuckled, shaking your head. "I'm like… trying to understand who convinced you to do so."
"Bet with Soap. Lad thinks 'm not gonna last with you." he murmurs, and you just know that this motherfucker made this as a personal challenge. So, you just nod your head, to Kyle's surprise on his pretty face. "That's… all you're gonna say?"
"What else I'm supposed to say?" you raise your eyebrow, amused. "That I feel sorry for you, this will do?"
"That ain't funny."
"It is, kind of funny." you grin, as you kiss his forehead, at which he closes his eyes, so you repeat kissing his forehead a few times. "I'm gonna support you in this, yeah? So it's gonna be easier."
It wasn't easier. You could see that he glances at you every now and then, when you are doing domestic things around the house, giving him little, encouraging smiles. Little do you know that Kyle's bulge is growing larger and larger every time he looks at you.
Gaz is pretty calm, at least until he sees you in his t-shirt (that is way too big for you) and just panties underneath, sitting right beside him with a bowl of popcorn. You two planned to watch a movie, but your boyfriend quickly brushes it off, as his hand wanders under the hem of your panties.
"Kyle, you—"
"I know." he almost growls, as he puts you on his lap.
The moment he feels your wetness, he's a gone man; he makes you ride him, and the challenge is just a fading memory, when his lips attack yours.
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John "Soap" MacTavish
Soap is absolutely offended when everyone in Task Force 141 tells him he's gonna lose the challenge. He can't shut up about it for an hour straight, as he lays with his head on your lap, telling you something about celibacy and being true lover, not some "horny arse like the others". You listen to it with a small, amused smile on your lips because as much as you love your boyfriend, everyone is right about it.
He's not gonna last, and he knows it personally too, but you say nothing about it. You just listen to Johnny's ramblings, until his eyes are on you, observing your reaction so casually.
"What do ya think? 'm gonna beat it? Be the best?" he tilts his head like a puppy, squinting his eyes. It's an icy ground you're standing on right now.
"I think… it's gonna be hard." you answer; slowly, reluctantly. It's not something that he wants to hear though, as he groans, shaking his head with displeasure. "What? You asked!"
"I ken it's gonna be hard. 'm askin', if 'm gonna beat it" he emphasizes his last words, and you can feel he barely holds himself from rolling his eyes.
"…well, baby, as much as I have faith in you in other things…"
It's not a good answer for him, nor for a challenge, considering that you end up getting fucked by him – it's some kind of punishment, he tells you, when he folds you in half. He tells you that he also didn't lose the challenge, technically, as you had sex November 1st , at 3 a.m. You nod, hesitantly, so you could go to sleep without causing him to ramble about it again; you are exhausted.
It takes him three days of fucking you in various places to finally come into the conclusion that the challenge isn't for him. Three days of promising and hearing him whining that it's gonna be 'st the tip, baby, to feel you good.
"Good that you've figured that out." you say with a small smile, in restaurant's bathroom, his forehead against yours, as his cock is still buried deep inside you.
"Lasted longer than lads. Sure of that."
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John Price
You want to think of your husband highly, when you hear of this stupid thingy. The authority, someone that leads the Task Force 141, setting the example for his younger proteges with his willpower. Someone who actually cares about engaging in challenges, even if they're stupid, even if he shouldn't even look at something like this.
Yet, you know John, you're married to him, for God's sake – and you know his sex drive. When this man is home, nothing and no one stops him from getting what he wants, and that's on you. In your mind, there's a core memory of him saying that he absolutely loves your pussy, multiple times.
So it's not a surprise that he doesn't participate in this challenge. It's not a surprise when he babbles about having kids with you while he fucks you wherever he can; kitchen counter, under the shower, your couch. His obsession over kids grew over this month more than ever, and you were happy to meet his expectations in a middle, since you thought of having a little angel in your small family for a longer time now. Having a dog wasn't enough.
A surprise comes when he proudly admits that he won in the end of the month. Boys are pretty much shocked by this, considering that their Captain didn't even look frustrated once, and he was in better mood than usual. Yet, they don't have a place to complain, so they accept the defeat with a frown on their faces, and a quick comment from Soap that he for sure cheated.
"You didn't win, honey." you laugh to him, sitting at his lap, when he's in his office, alone.
Price arches his eyebrow in amusement. "I did."
"That's not really—"
"Listen, we were tryin' for babies, weren't we? It wasn't egoistical fuckin'." he explains, completely serious.
It takes all in you not to either gasp or laugh again. "So, if it would be without the intention of making babies, you'd lose?"
He gives you a quick nod. "Exactly, missus. Exactly."
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Alejandro Vargas
It's easy to last a few days for Alejandro. Maybe even a week, or a bit more. With his kind of work, being a Colonel, you often didn't see him for days, or even weeks if it was a bad time. Right now, with working over destroying a Mexican cartel, being home was rare for him. Was it saddening? Of course, but you knew what you were doing when you married him, you've talked with him about it for days, maybe weeks, even.
So, maybe that's why he didn't really think much of a challenge when he agreed to it, one of the nights he was drinking with Los Vaqueros. Just for fun, just to make a fun memory in this mess they were in. Days were passing in the blink of an eye with the same routine; a few hours of sleep if he's lucky, patrol, documents, action and repeat. Nothing too fancy, nothing too new for a man of war like he is, he got used to it all.
Harder was the moment he came home to you, where you were waiting for him with your open arms, all needy for his presence, for his touch, but somehow, somehow he managed, giving you the best orgasm of your life with his mouth only, even if he was in need too.
"Cariño?" he calls you, confused, when he doesn't see you in bed in the next morning. In his sweatpants only, he goes to the kitchen, following the sound of pan that sizzles lazily in the background.
"Makin' breakfast, Ale!" you reply, looking behind your shoulder with the biggest smile that slowly falters the moment you see his eyes darkening in the span of seconds. "What's with the face?"
He approaches you slowly, caging you between his arms. "Just… appreciating" he says, as he starts kissing your neck "my little wife. Who's been really patient with me, gone for so many days. And now, you're making me breakfast—" he groans, shaking his head. You can feel his growing bulge, as you grind your ass against it.
It's obvious that Colonel lost the challenge, after he arrives to his work with his wife, his arm possessively around her. Why? Maybe it's your neck covered in hickeys, your trembling legs, or his arms visibly scratched, but no one says anything about it in the base.
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Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra
You have a kind of forbidden romance with him; you're the one of Los Vaqueros, and the romance is absolutely prohibited here, to prevent the collapse of the squad. Not to mention that he's a right hand man of Alejandro, so he has to follows the rules directly. Maybe even more than anyone here, to be honest; setting an example that he's not a exception to the rule.
It doesn't help that you're so kind. That you nod every time you see him as a silent greeting, and then you rush to do whatever you have to do today. It doesn't help him that you're helping everyone around you with a smile that could light up the whole town, and he smiles every time he sees it, too.
Everyone pictures that Rudy would win the challenge easily, since in their heads, his head wasn't occupied with anyone, and he could easily withold himself with his desires.
And maybe he would. Maybe he would, if you weren't the one guarding the base with him, if you weren't the one who was smiling at him with those plump lips of yours.
"If you'd only know how much I thought about… hah—" his breaths are ragged, as the pace of his hips gets quicker. His lips finds yours, as he kisses you with such hunger, you know without a doubt that he means what he says. It automatically makes you smile.
"It's fate that binds us, then" you say, your fingernails clutching at his arms; you're sure that you're the creator of bloody crescents here, but you can't care less about it. Not when the man of your dreams is fucking you.
He smiles at your words.
Rudy never been a good liar, and you painfully learn it, when Alejandro asks him why he's so happy; as you stand nearby, you hear the whole conversation. It's cute in some way, the way he's a blabbering mess, without any sense of it.
It takes Colonel's one look at you, and he knows.
You never walked faster to your work, neither did Rudy.
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Konig
If you think he's gonna even try playing at this, you're in deep denial. Maybe if he'd be alone he could try of a genuine curiosity, but not when he has you. Such a pretty, obedient girlfriend, that he has wrapped around his finger, and a girlfriend that is pretty much at his service every time he wants.
He's a man to laugh about that challenge with his squad, telling them that they're filthy, and he would last the whole month, maybe even longer, if it weren't for you. Because he's such a caring boyfriend, he listens to your needs, even if you're whiny.
At least, that's the story that his squad knows.
He tells you about this while he folds you in half, that he needs to act a little grumpy around his squad, to put a facade that he's hungry because it's the right thing to do. When you suggest that he could even try, he barks a low laugh, while he pumps his cock before thrusting into you.
"Schatz, as if. Not gonna play the kids game." it's all he says, kissing you with affection on your swollen lips. "I do not intend on torturing you like this. You wouldn't survive a day without my dick."
There's some truth to it — but you're truly wondering if that's you who wouldn't survive without his dick, or he, that wouldn't survive without your pussy and sex, considering he is even more of a maniac than you are.
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dividers by cafekitsune
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loveemagicpeace · 5 months
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🪐Saturn in Signs🪐
⭐️Saturn in Aries- in your early childhood, it can be more difficult for you to express yourself and your energy. Maybe it's hard for you to show that you're angry or you're getting better so that people won't accept it. You can be afraid of many things. You may be afraid of speed or of heights. Your talents are not noticed that much. Later in life you become fearless and you have a lot of courage. You do a lot of things that people will never thought that you will actually do. You become imune about what other people think of you. You can express yourself in a very nice and easy way. So you can be afraid of things that include needles so that means piercings and tattos can be scary for you. But later in life you start to love it. You can change your appearance a lot. Saturn asks you to stand confident in your own skin. You take charge of your destiny, and this helps you win your own respect.
🌙Saturn in Taurus- in your early childhood you may be afraid of expressing your true value to others. Losing money or not having enough can also be your fear. Maybe you've never found true pleasure or you've never been able to enjoy the things you love or luxuries enough. You may have felt less worthy or not noticed enough. Later in life you find a way to enjoy money and the things you love. You find your true value. You set a lot of boundaries for yourself. Also such people tend to be thrifty, and spend only on what they actually need. You can have a lot of patience in life.
⚡️Saturn in Gemini-in your early childhood you feel like you'll never been seen or heard enough. Maybe you're communication was not that good and people misunderstood you or treat you like you are not smart enough. Maybe you had some kind of issue with neighborhood or siblings or relatives or this kind of things. However, these natives are also prone to bouts of sudden sadness and even depression because overthinking comes in, along with pointless worrying, and an exaggeration of the uncertainty in their lives .Later in life you find a way to communicate with others in a completely different way. People can find you as a person who has a good mindset.
🌸Saturn in Cancer- in your early childhood you may felt like your family was not around much or your mother or not that much you will want her to be. Maybe you felt like black sheep in your family or that you are not seen enough. You felt you didn't get enough emotional care. You have a strong fondness for children and friends but you do not like to show your love and emotions to them. Later you find people around whom you feel more noticed and you find your comfort zone where you feel safe.
🐚Saturn in Leo- in your early childhood you felt unseen. You felt that people don't notice your talents. You were afraid that you would never be seen enough and that you would never find passion. It could also be that you didn't have a special hobby or that it was difficult for you to find it. Later in life you find your joys and something you really enjoy. You also become seen for who you are. You can best live your dreams by taking calculated risks and developing your considerable talents.
🧸Saturn in Virgo-In your early childhood, you may have been very concerned about what others thought of you and how you would look. You took criticism very poorly and it could have hurt you many times. Maybe you listen too much to the advice of others instead of listening to yourself in general. Later this changes and you start to listen to yourself more. Your challenge is not to leave your whole self, including the body, behind, as you go about your day. The more you believe in yourself and do calm things, the better you will feel.
👄Saturn in Libra- in early childhood you may have felt that you were not worthy of love or that you would never be good enough for someone. It is also possible that you had the feeling that no one will love you as much as you would like. It could also be that you didn't love yourself. In the long run, this can also result in you looking for someone who will really suit you for a long time. But it becomes easier because you start to believe more in love and that you deserve to be loved.
🦂Saturn in Scorpio- in early childhood you may have felt as if only bad or dark things are happening to you. You felt like you had no control and no power. You felt like everything was taking away your power. This can sometimes result in you having problems letting others be in control. You may have felt like people don't see you for who you really are. This is an intense, deep experience that challenges you to dig into your soul for purpose and meaning. Means this placement will change the way you will experience life. You’re an intense seeker of wisdom and meaning.
🎆Saturn in Sagittarius- in your early childhood you felt like you didn't have to find happiness in anything. Maybe you had trouble finding the meaning of life, the path and optimism. It can make you feel like you're never truly happy or finding the happiness you're looking for. Your gift is that you are willing to share whatever knowledge you have with those around you. Later in life you find happiness in many things and shine more than others.
🌁Saturn in Capricorn- in your early childhood you felt like your parents weren't with you as much or your father wasn't there for you. When born under this influence, you tend to take your responsibilities seriously and value the importance of planning. You probably had a lot of chores and grown-up things as a child that others didn't. You learned many things before others. You probably feel the heaviness of life, as if you are carrying the world on your shoulders. But later in life you really shine and you achieve a lot of goals and you have a very good career. You get recognition.
🪼Saturn in Aquarius- in your early childhood you felt like as if you were not accepted into society or friend groups. You may felt like outsider. Maybe a lot of people didn't like you because you were too smart. You know how to find the people in this world you can make the most change with. As a natural leader, others will often lean heavily on you with your Saturn in Aquarius. You’ll create an even stronger foundation that both you and your world can depend on.
🪷Saturn in Pisces- in your early childhood you felt like as if people don't know you, don't see you, as if you're not so much in the foreground, that your talents and the things you do aren't noticed as much. Many times people may have accused you of things you did not do. You may have been wronged many times. U were always in your own world. Reality was too much for you. You may take on the pains or joys of others as their experiences interplay with your own. Later in life you find your own way and deal with your subconscious which becomes very strong.
-Rebekah⭐️🐚💕
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bettymylove · 5 months
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yours
when you can't deny the tension between you and your rival what happens?
pairing: theo nott x reader
content: 18+ mdni, spanking, choking, graphic kissing, p in v, unprotected sex, oral(female receiving).
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"Correct, Mr. Nott, five points to Slytherin" your professor had said for the third time in a row and you were practically seething, it was idiotic. You were sure he had devised a trick to give the right answers to tick you off.
The whole class stayed quiet, everyone knew about the fiery hatred you both possessed for each other and the rivalry that came with it.
"State one side effect of pepperup potion?" Snape had stated in a voice that made it clear he wanted nothing to do with what he was currently engaged in.
You knew this one, it had clicked in your brain, clearly showing on your face, the first words were out of your mouth until someone interrupted you midway and that delightful someone was known as Theodore Nott.
You had never given a reason for him to hate you, but you faced the repercussions of it. As a way of pure childish revenge, you had begun hating him too, although you had not one reason to do so.
Soon the class had finished and you were released from being in a state of complete anger. Theo however couldn't stand the sight of you being happy and thus began speaking. "Is our y/n jealous I'm better at potions than her?" he laughed while saying it and he was laughing after it and you being the bigger person decided to ignore it.
It had been the last class of the week and you were ready to be enamored in the weekend party life of an average Hogwarts student.
You were not much for it before, but you had taken a liking to it ever since you realized the only way to forget about Theo and his perfect little face was to get as drunk as a skunk.
Wearing the tightest dress you own was the social expectation, and you obeyed it, and after all you did like the way you looked, fixing your hair just before leaving to make sure it was perfect in every way.
Reaching the common room, you could feel the bass of the music in the pits of your stomach. Going straight for the bar, you picked up a drink, sipping on it while looking around for possible men who could end up in your sheets.
However, your eyes found a sight you decided you weren't fond of looking at, Theodore Nott sticking his tongue down some random Slytherin who by the looks of it was one year below you.
Soon the bass of the music wasn't the only thing you could feel in your stomach, a fiery feeling accompanied it which only grew when Theo met your eyes and winked. That cheeky bastard.
Another rivalry although this time quite different from the one that took place in the classroom earlier that day began. Your eyes landed on Lorenzo Berkshire, and you knew that he would go perfectly with your devious little plan.
He was an acquaintance you had talked to before and you enjoyed his company so it was not completely bad, but you couldn't help yourself from wishing it was someone else.
Quickly reaching his side at the bar you ask for another drink, the same one you had before, and downed it in one go. "Enzo, don't you want to dance with me?"
He laughed a breathy laugh and then tilted his head, "Theo will kill me if I do that" and you tilted your face in the same direction as his letting out a scoff, of course he was ruining your chance with any man you counted to be suitable.
"But I guess a little taste of heaven won't hurt right?" he said after a long pause and you pulled him to the dance floor facing Theo.
An unspoken challenge began between you two, he danced with the girl in his arms as you danced with Enzo. He kissed her, and you tilted your face back so you could capture his lips, although you could see from your not-so-closed eyes that he had stopped and so did you.
Grinding your hips on Enzo, Theo's face had become remarkably red and this time instead of locking eyes with you, he locked it with him and silently told him to go away with a slight tilt of his head and he obeyed.
You whined at the loss of contact and more on the thought that you would lose in the silent battle. However, something else happened before you could think about what happened.
Theo had joined you in dancing, putting his hand on your waist, swaying to the beat until he spun you and when you stopped you crashed right into his chest, not moving you took three deep breaths to calm yourself down. one, two, three.
That so didn't work, you were still flushed and you were entirely sure you could hear his heart beating giving you some kind of reassurance that you weren't the only one feeling like this, like how you weren't supposed to.
Soon, you both locked eyes, and it must have been a while until you blinked, which prompted him to do the same. A sigh left your mouth when his hand was just above your ass. You needed more, and you were fairly certain he was ready to give you whatever you needed.
You joined both your foreheads, lips just about to touch. You wanted him to make the first move, to do something. He tilted his head back and let out a loud groan and you thought that you misunderstood him but soon both of his calloused hands found your cheeks pulling you in.
The most awaited moment of your life had finally come, his lips made you feel like you were an angel who was being given an award for being good.
Soon his mouth opened and his tongue probed at your lips and you granted him entrance, doing the same to him. Forgetting the surroundings you both were in, all you could think about was the man who was in front of you.
"You're even better than I imagined" he broke the silence finally speaking his first words to you that night. You laughed at first, "you dreamed about me?" he nodded tilting his head once more, "Desperately so".
Soon the second kiss broke too, and you were invited by him to his dorm, to which you said yes, after all that happened your body couldn't think about saying no.
His hand found your neck as soon as you entered the room, pinned against the door. The hand pressing harder, and you loved every moment of it.
While kissing you had reached his bed, and you sat on top of him not breaking the kiss. Your kisses trailed downwards to his neck, while he groaned.
Flipping you over, so you were under him he attacked you neck, sucking and nibbling on it, so you were sure it would leave marks.
The dress you had on was abandoned along with your bra, and his shirt and pants were gone as well, you were now laying on the edge of the bed, while Theo was down on his knees.
His tongue entered you and you simultaneously entered heaven, his tongue forming a figure eight in your insides while his nose was repeatedly bumped your clit.
It wasn't long before you came, and it also wasn't long before you were thrown on the bed. Your ass in the air while his hands held yours in a tight grip, which had started to redden.
You could feel the tip of his cock brushing against your clit when he asked the question, "Are you sure?" and you said yes.
Slowly, you could feel yourself enveloping him inch by inch until he was all inside you, getting used to the feeling of the slight burn along with the great amount of pleasure you gave him the consent to move.
He started with low thrusts going slowly, which then soon turned to having your face buried in the pillow while getting completely fucked out.
His other hand reached down to your ass slapping it, rubbing it, and then repeating the action. His hand left yours and you grabbed the headboard with your now free hands. He was using his free hand to collect your hair and pull it back which he let go and replaced the hair with your neck pulling you back up to engage you in a kiss.
"Dear god save me, I'm gonna come" you screamed and moaned on the verge of your release. "Even begging satan won't help now," he said in a low voice near your ear, which gave you goosebumps all over.
You had finally reached the euphoric stage, but Theo wasn't stopping, still giving continuous thrusts, until he slowly pulled out and released all over your ass marking you as his.
Laying down, he pulled close to him taking the help of his covers to engulf you both. "You were made for me, weren't you darling?" he said to you while you found a comfortable position to lie in. Kissing his lips you agreed with his statement, "always been yours".
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yeppeun-riaa · 25 days
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What do you think their type of girl is: ran, rindou, sanzu and kakucho
TR BOYS AND THEIR TYPE
MDNI 18+
Not proofread. Idk why rans own is the shortest because hes my fav😫, I got carried away with the rest😭,hope you enjoy tho, thank you for the ask💕!
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⋆RAN
Ran is into brats! women that are stubborn, women that have an attitude that will be the death of them, women that are way to dramatic and clingy, overall just downright bratty, he'd love to put them in their place when they decide to bitch out on him, he's sadistic and loves to watch them cry while he punishes them.
'You really thought you'd get away after pulling that shit? Then fucking think again, whore, you should be glad I'm putting that dirty mouth of yours to good use' he'd say through gritted teeth while using your mouth th get himself off.
ALSO. He likes when she plays hard to get, he always up for a challenge. I think he'd also be into very studious girs, like student council, top of all her classes type shit because it boosts his ego, and melts his heart, knowing that someone so uptight would crumble within mere seconds under his touch.
⋆RINDOU
He honestly just loves women, he really isn't that picky when it comes to his type but he would fall 10× harder for a girl if she was clingy and really into pda. You might disagree but I think rindou is a moderate fan of pda😭 he just loves all the attention he'd get.... The fact that his girlfriend would always want to hold hands or want him to have his anywhere on her body, a girl that just needs him would ignite a fire in him, he may not show it but he enjoys being wanted...
Your mouth hung agape and you saw stars as rindou thrusted into you at an inhumane pace, all while bending you almost painfully over the sink. "Fuck—rin!" You cried as his hand came down on your ass, you looked like a mess as you locked gaze with yourself in the mirror, tears streaming down your face, makeup all ruined while rindou pounded into you from behind. "You just can't keep your hands to yourself huh?" He says punctuating each word with a slap to your behind. "Don't fucking cry, you wanted this and now you'll take everything I give you and thank me after" yeah... when you came back to the others it was pretty obvious what went down.
⋆SANZU
He likes himself a bimbo, a woman that's that kind, caring, innocent and downright stupid, a girl that's book smart, but stupid in anything else. The type dumb of girl that walks around in tight clothes and thinks the men staring at her being friendly, of course he gets annoyed when she fails to realize that someone is flirting with her, or when she ask the most dumb question and won't stop fucking talking, but it's okaayyy, he loves to shut her up and teach her a lesson!!
"W-wait haru! too much" you'd yelp from your spot on the bed, trying to break free from your restraints to tug him away from your aching pussy. He smirks and runs his tongue up your slit, sticking one more finger into your tight littel hole and sucking harshly on your clit, "you're a fucking whore, if i didn't know any better I'd think you did that on purpose because you wanted a punishment" he spat harshly at you, you lost count of how many times you came, all you were sure of was that he needed to stop because it was all too much. "Baby I'm sorry! I di-didn't know he was flirting", he scoffs slapping your cunt making tears form on your waterline, "how could you not know? He was all up in your fucking face, talking about he could be better to you than me, are you dumb, or just dumb." It was a statement, not a question and you mourned seeing him sit up to undo his pants, it was gonna be a long fucking night.
⋆KAKUCHO
Kakucho is another one that just loves women♡ he's smitten for women that are confident, it drives him crazy (in a good way) when a girl is passionate and radiates good energy. That popular girl that everyone knows and loves, the girl that every guy wants, the girl that everyone would throw hands for if she ever cried. He wants that type of girl so he can be there for her, and see the side of her no one else gets to. Even the sad side that she never shows, he'll take great pride that he was able to break down her walls and be the only one too see her In that different night. He want to be the one that makes the false happiness, that no one else could detect, real.
"Shh, it's okay" he'd whisper sweet nothings I to your ear at night while he made love to you. Some nights rough, others slow and sensual, it all depended on how you felt, and right now you were sad, all you wanted was the him to love on you, melt all the sadness away. And that's exactly what he would do.
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eee-lordy · 3 months
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Practice Makes Perfect
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!!! nsfw minors dni !!!
Jacob offers to help fem!reader get her first time over with. 6k
───※ ·❆· ※───
"Ready for your big move?" Jacob huffed, dropping a particularly heavy box onto the top of another. He'd come over to help you start packing up, you had a week left.
"Mostly, yeah I think so." You grinned, knowing he was talking more about emotionally than materialistically. Your eyes scanned the bare bones of your first apartment. It had been a welcoming and safe space for a handful of years now, but the time had come to move onto bigger and better things.
"Let's drink to the beginning of the end, then, shall we?" Your dearest pal declared, toting over glasses and liquor from your fridge.
"Don't say it like that, nothings ending here." You warn, sick at the thought of there being a time limit on your friendship once a little space got in the way. Jacob sat next to you on the sofa, pouring you each a drink.
"Okay sorry, we'll toast to now, then. May we enjoy every moment." Jacob's sincerity past the silly tone he used warmed your confounded heart. So many feelings had plagued you since finding out about your big move. How excited you were for the fresh start, and how you were, in fact, dreading leaving behind everything you loved so dearly, everyone.
As you sat and drank, it was all Jacob could talk about. He asked you all kinds of questions. What the place was like you were headed to, how you may come to decorate the home you were set to buy. How you may plan to spend your time. You fawned over descriptions of some new furniture you'd had shipped to your new place. And excitedly quipped about the plans you were making for the distant future.
"I hope to just go wild. Create a whole new thing for myself, ya know? Try everything, live to the fullest." The realizations that you could become whoever you wanted most to be in an all new place had your imagination running wild since theses plans became solid.
"And what are you most nervous about?" Jacob countered, squinting as if he knew this question was one that might really challenge you.
"Oh... I don't know." You feigned a laugh, hoping your face hadn't flushed red. Because you had been increasingly nervous about one thing, fretting over the many outcomes your imagination brought to life every time you wondered how to take on this certain situation...
"Ohhhh no." Jacob grinned wickedly, shifting in his seat to face you a little more head on, pointing his half full beer in your direction. "There is something, I know when you aren't telling me things, you know?"
"Jacob, can we please drop this?" You plead, feeling like sinking in on yourself for letting your facade drop for even a second.
"All I'm saying is, if you're this nervous about something, maybe I can help?"
"I highly doubt you can help with this one, dude." You let out a mortified giggle, feeling your blush coming back tenfold.
"Hey." Jacob lowered his tone, cocking his head to catch your eye. His were serious. "You know you can tell me whatever it is-"
"Is embarrassing-"
"And I won't judge you. You know that." And you did know. Jacob had told you his own mortifying confessions, from the time he'd lost his clothes in a sketchy overnight gym, to the salacious dreams he'd had about certain unattractive costar way back before you knew him. As you reminded yourself of the story Jacob once told you of his mishap with a zipper during the first night he spent in the bed of a lady, you realized you could tell him what was on your mind.
"Okay fine." You gritted through your teeth, clasping your hands together only to anxiously wring them. Jacob stayed quiet and awaited your words.
"I'm most nervous about having sex." You declared. "Because I'm more than ready to get out there and do it, but the thought of sleeping with some stranger is appalling, and I don't know who I trust enough to ask to see me through that awfully awkward first time. And what if I never meet someone I trust enough, just-" With a disgruntled sigh, you realized you were rambling.
"You're a virgin?" Jacob's mouth twisted into a confounded frown as his head turned much like a baffled puppy dog. Your friends studying of you made you want to slip into nonexistence.
"So what?" You huffed a nervous laugh, daring to meet Jacob's piercing eyes for the first time since revealing your secret.
"It's just I thought you'd have done it, like... a lot." He shrugged. "Being so smokin' hot, and all."
"I am not hot, Elordi, and despite really being ready, I'm way too nervous to do it. That's the whole issue here." You scoffed, taking a frustrated swig of your drink.
"Uh, yeah you are. And what is there to be nervous about, anyway?" He quizzed.
"What if I do the wrong thing or say something weird or just make a complete fool of myself? Or what if I hate it? I'm ready for it. But I really am scared I will never meet the right person to deal with how in my head I am about this..."
Jacob let his gaze fall to the floor, seeming to puzzle over your words. A considerable amount of silence settled about the room before either of you spoke again. He was the one to break that silence.
"Do you... trust me?"
Your eyes widened and your stomach tied itself into a knot.
"I mean, you know I think you're attractive. So, I won't care or even notice if you make a complete fool of yourself. And we know all each other's secrets. That's trust. And if you hate it, we stop. I'm kind of the perfect candidate her, love." His confidence had blossomed with the help of the drinks you two had shared tonight. Jacob spoke with assuredness, letting no signs of awkwardness show in his daring offer. The whole thing had your head spinning.
"Jacob."
"All I'm saying is... if you want, I'm down. If not, I get it." He took a swig, the last of his third glass. "I'm just saying..." Jacob let his sharp dark eyes rake across your figure as you sat in place, trying not to squirm. You considered the expression in his gaze, clearly drinking you in, yet keeping a respectable distance.
"I'll... think about it." And you really would.
He nodded. You nodded. He got up and turned on a movie. You went searching for more to drink. As some rather boring action flick unfolded on your telly, your mind raced. You did trust Jacob. You did find him attractive too. With his angelic features and fit figure. And you wouldn't mind if this little... experiment led to something a little more serious either. But that was a wild far off distant dream. And still, all the things that mortified you about doing it with a stranger made you just as nervous to consider in the company of one of your closest friends.
"It would just be, like, educational right? Just... one friend helping out another?" You pipped up in the middle of the action movies climax.
"It would be whatever you needed or wanted it to be, doll. I'm offering my sincerest assistance." Jacob spoke easily, keeping his apparent focus on the telly screen, settled an inch away from where you sat on the sofa.
You hummed in understanding, acknowledging how both of you kept your eyes glued to the movie on your screen, and that seemed soothing. There didn't seem to be any pressure, there didn't seem to be any stakes. And as you considered your nerves, you wondered if the feeling was more that of anxious wonder. And then you realized there was a way to test this theory...
"Kiss me. Then I'll know." You thought out loud.
"Know what?"
"If you're a shitty kisser or not. And if I'd even dream of letting you sleep with me." You were drunk enough to speak without consideration. You were curious enough to take Jacob up halfway on his offer. You really hoped he wasn't a shitty kisser. You may have let him have his way with you even if he was.
With a decided shrug Jacob leaned in. His lips were soft, the gentle way he pressed his against yours was more than comfortable. You let yourself relax into pressing your own kiss back, and he took that as a signal to deepen his display of affection. And the kiss that began as a seemingly casual interaction took a different form. Jacob let his lips slowly open, encouraging yours to do the same. As your kissing grew longer and deeper, your very dear friend let his fingers reach to brush your hair back; then let his digits press against the base of your neck to pull your lips ever closer.
The gentle forcefulness Jacob commanded brought a contented sigh from your throat, and your friend's smile in response broke your interaction.
"I'll take that as a yes?" He smirked, eyes focusing on yours close up.
"It's just... a lot to consider."
He had kept his hold on you. His hand clutching the back of your head, his thumb rubbing soothing circles against your hair.
"Listen. I won't push this on you. It's no sweat if you decide against it. But I really would be very patience and more than glad to help you out here. That's the last I'll speak of it. Now, what are we watching next?"
You spent the rest of that evening next to Jacob in mutual silence. You watched films until your friend grew tired and called it a night. All the while your mind raced from one scenario to the next. Wondering what the worst could turn out to be, if you said yes, or no.
///
Jacob stopped by one night later, saying he was simply in the neighborhood and wondered if you'd needed any kind of help continuing to pack up. So, you put him to work, cleaning out drawers and folding clothes into suitcases. You talked a lot while working, about eachothers lives and dreams and silly things. But the conversation kept leading back to the topic of your move.
"I'll be hours away from all my family and it's not like I won't see them but I'll be so alone you know?" You confessed your fears for living in solitude and worrying over worst case scenarios.
"Hey, you'll make it just fine. You don't give yourself enough credit." Jacob insisted, moving about your room from one task to another. "Plus, I'm only one phone call away."
"I know." You whispered, peering up to your friend through your lashes, biting back a frown. You set a roll of tape and a box cutter on a nearby shelf, done with the tools for now.
"This is supposed to be a good thing, a happy thing." Jacob reminded you, shuffling to stand before you. He reached out to tilt your chin upward as if that would encourage a smile from you.
"I know." You whispered again. And with no way of knowing who leaned in first, all you knew was Jacob was kissing you again. And you relished the comfort of his affection. Nothing stopped you now from slinking a lazy arm around his neck as the guy let his grasp splay across your back.
Jacob was the first to break away, like before. But unlike then, he said nothing now. Jacob just leaned back far enough to catch your eye, as one of his brows lifted in a silent question.
"I think I might want to take you up on your offer..." You seemed to realize out loud. Maybe you had always wanted it to be him. Or maybe his encouragement had done the trick of talking you into feeling this way now. But you were never surer about being intimate with someone than now, with the way your dearest friend held you in his arms.
"Yeah?" He nodded with a furrow in his brow.
"Yes, I- if you're really sure." You stuttered.
"I am if you are." Jacob continued to nod. And after a beat, when he asked "Like, now? Right now?" You moved to nod along with him, even though your heart threatened to leap from your chest.
"Okay." He whispered. "You just need to tell me if it gets all too much, no matter what. Promise me you will."
"Yeah. I'm, like, really nervous. That's the big problem. But I trust you, so I am very sure."
"Well, I can certainly help with that." Jacob brought a hand to your hair, "I think." He lightly chuckled, pulling a face, setting your nerves at ease already.
"We'll just go very slow. How does that sound?" He asked, still keeping a hand rested on the side of your head, while his other crept down to the bend of your waist. You let out a held breath and nod assuredly.
"Okay." You flickered a smile. Jacob nodded too, his lithe grin remaining as he searched your face, his eyes landing on your lips. You hadn't fully expected him to agree to this, and you hadn't at all expected things to start right off the bat. But you couldn't complain when Jacob closed the gap and pressed a gently feather light kiss to your lips. As he did so, he tucked a bit of your hair behind your ear, and ever so slightly tightened his grip at the bend of your waist.
This resulted in your hands finding his shoulders, resting them between there and his chest- where you wondered if you were feeling your own rapid heartbeat in your palms, or his.
His lips left yours for a moment, but another feather light kiss came soon after. A couple more small steady pecks made you comfortable enough to fully relax in the hold Jacob was beginning to wrap around you; his hand moving to hold the back of your head, his other moving from the bend of your waist so his arm circled around you.
When your arms slid into a loose hold around the guy's neck again, his kisses started to ever so slightly deepen. His tongue teased your lips, his thumb caressed soothing circles against your rib cage, a delightful hum escaped his throat.
"This okay so far?" Jacob wondered in a hushed rumble, meeting your eyes between kisses. You nodded and softly smiled, waiting for the guy to continue. When he dove back in, his kisses deepened even further, his tongue pressed against yours, his hold tightening, pulling you almost entirely against himself. You stayed like that for what felt like forever, just kissing and letting hands roam against backs and through hair.
He'd barely done as much as hold you close, but you were already feeling the hot coil of desire burning low in your belly, and it was starting to spread every place else. Your every nerve was already on end.
"I could gladly do this all night." Jacob hummed, moving his kisses to pepper your jaw, and then down your neck. "But would you like to go any further? You tell me, doll."
"Sure, we can go further. I just need you to guide me through." You blew out another shaky breath, trying to release the jitters.
"I can do that. Just remember you can tell me to stop anytime for any reason." Jacob kissed your forehead and waited for you to nod in agreement. He kissed your cheek and then your lips, and let his hands begin to roam new territory. his fingers grazed under the hem of your shirt, brushing against the skin of your hips, skin that had never been touched by anyone but yourself until now. It was starting.
"Can I take this off, doll? I'll take mine off too. We'll be on the same page." Jacob sighed into your mouth, and couldn't resist kissing you between words. He left one set of fingers creeping under your shirt while the other gently tugged at the garment.
"I like that idea." You smiled, his lips brushing against yours in a phantom kiss.
He opted for his first, shedding his tee in a lazy fashion, revealing a sight you had seen before, his bare chest. But now was different from the hot summer days you'd been near the guy in such a state. Now you were free to oggel his frame entirely. 
Jacob watched you watching him as he delicately took hold of the base if your shirt, and pulled it up. You lifted your arms instinctively and tried not to shiver in an anxious display of vulnerability.
The man you'd come to trust tossed aside your favorite old concert tee and brought both his hands to the bare skin of your waist. He'd see you in swimsuits and crop tops but he'd never been so close. Never had his hot skin been so easily accessible under your touch. Never had he caressed you in such a state. The pair of you stood there, holding each other in a delicate morphing clasp, for a brief moment. Your breathing synchronized before Jacob nuzzled against your neck and mumble something about how beautiful he thought you looked, and how lovely he thought it was to hold you so close like this. It was almost too sweet, his musings and the gentle way he held you. But the pecks he placed against your neck turned into something fiercer, his teeth grazing, his breathing audible. All the while, his caresses turned too, his fingers pressed possessive against your skin, one hand moving to bring your hips as close to his as possible.
You let it happen, dragging your nails across his shoulder blades and letting out a delighted sigh. You knew this was supposed to be a fun positive experience. But you felt quite unprepared for how much you were enjoying yourself.
Jacob planted another sloppy kiss to your lips, encouraging you to match his energy.
He began to drag you a few steps in another direction, never daring to break away from the kiss you were sharing, until he had to. Jacob eased onto the side of your bed, gently pulling you into his lap. He maneuvered you into a straddle you were happy to settle into, leaving no space between the two of you, as your kisses continued.
"This all okay, doll?" Jacob hoped, as his warm hand made its way toward your breasts, still covered.
"Yes Jacob," you breathed, taking your turn in moving kisses down the man's neck, not totally sure of your execution but lead by passion what could go so wrong, you wondered?
To your delight, Jacob practically melted under your bites and licks, and you were beginning to melt a little yourself, as he kneaded at your bra.
"You can take it off. If you want." You sighed, keeping up your work at his neck, moving from one side to the other.
"Oh, I've wanted to for a longer than you know." He let out a little laugh after his confession.
You sat up to meet his gaze, asking a question with one look.
"You know I've always thought you were beautiful. But I have always wondered just how much more beautiful under all your clothes." Jacob mewled, unclasping your bra after two tries. You let the thing fall away and slide down one arm to the floor, as Jacob ogled you shamelessly. Somehow the moment didn't cause you nearly as much nervousness as you'd anticipated. The way Jacob was handling this new interaction, the way he'd been handling you; caused your nerves that kept arising the settle, provoking much more excitement than you knew you were capable of feeling in a time like now.
"Even more beautiful than my imagination has been able to conceive." Jacob grinned up to you before rolling his eyes closed on his mission to cover you in kisses.
You couldn't hold back your sigh, one you'd never heard yourself make. A noise you didn't know you were capable of producing. Jacob's lips closed around one of your nipples while he let his hand attend to the other. You could feel his pants tightening beneath you, and his messy hair tangled in your fingers as you grasped at something to ground you. Things were moving at a steady pace yet seemed to be rocketing into progression much quicker than you were prepared for.
"Jacob." You reluctantly halted him, grabbing his attention away from making you feel so good. "Jacob, I don't want to stop, but can we slow down a little?" You asked in a shaky breath, watching your chest rise and fall rapidly, like you'd just run a mile.
"Of course." He promised, planting closed mouth kisses across your collarbone. "Come'er."
Jacob pushed you from his lap to the middle of the bed and adjusted himself behind you, as you took in a couple deep breaths. Then his hands found your shoulders, and began to massage the tense muscle there.
"Are you still nervous? More or less? What can I do to help?"
"Still nervous. But you've been very patient so far and I can't imagine doing this with anyone else. Thank you, Jacob."
"You're practically a natural," Jacob purred in your ear, keeping up his work on your shoulders. You began to feel more at ease under his touch, and more ecstatic by his words and the tone of his voice. "Nothing to be nervous about."
Your hum gave him a green light to follow his hands with his lips, kissing the trail of his massaging.
He soon let his hands start to wander, keeping his face in the crook of your neck as his hands trailed lightly across your chest and tummy, stalling for a brief second at the hem of your pants before ghosting back up to brush at your already exposed skin.
You flipped around crawling into a position closer, moving to undo the button of his pants.
"You sure?" Jacob asked quickly, waiting for you to nod before shedding the trousers as lazily as he removed his shirt.
"Want me to do yours?" He asked, not wondering if you'd rather handle the task, but if you were ready for the next step to be initiated at all. You told him you were ready, looking right in the guy's hooded deep brown eyes.
Jacob gently pushed you against the stack of pillows at the head of your bed. For one small moment, you paused to look at each other and smile. And then your friend shifted and reached for the button of your trousers. You watched as he hooked a couple fingers in the hem to peel the fabric away from your body, his eyes drinking in every newly exposed inch of you. You helped kicked away the pants, as Jacob reached to pull you back into his lap. In one swift move, you pushed him back into the pillows. You relished having the boy pinned below you, as you closed in for another kiss.
His hands traced across the expanses of your skin, his warm form settled beneath yours in the very best ways. You began to let your fingers trace patterns across his chest, feeling the hammer of his heart. Now both clad in nothing but underwear, the thin fabric allowed for you to feel more exactly of how worked up you'd gotten the boy.
You weren't nervous now to roll your hips against his. Or even if you might've been, they seemed to move on their own accord, your body seeking to satisfy its growing desires. Your rocking against the man's lap grew quietly more confident, and in the matter of a couple grinds you had Jacob whimpering against your lips.
Jacob gently pushed you from his lap, moving to hover over you in turn. "Okay?" He asked more succinctly but paused and watched for your confirmation just as patiently as every time before. And right as you began to nod, Jacob pressed his clothed hips against yours, encouraging your legs to open a little wider to make space for him. He kept his eyes sharply focused on yours, as he kept grinding, palming at your breast all the while. You were overcome, the coil in your belly tightening, and you hadn't even gotten to the good part.
His hand that had been working at your breast traveled downward, stalling near the hem of your underwear. Just as Jacob opened his mouth to ask if his next move was allowed, you were quicker. You grabbed his forearm and gently pushed his hand past the fabric of your undergarment, immediately glad for it.
His fingers found their way gently to your heat, giving subtle barely there caresses to the part of you that was most sensitive. Your toes curled and your heart stalled as he touched you with such tender intention. The pair of you managed to settle side by side, and without discussion, you reached to move Jacobs fingers to the spot he'd been nearly close to finding. The feeling that followed sent sparks through your nervous system, and your own hand shot out toward Jacob's underwear in response. You didn't ask, you simply slid your digits up and down the clothed length of your friend's crotch, relishing the shuttered breaths he released as you did so. The pair of you kept this up for a short moment, kissing when you weren't stealing each others breath away.
"Can we get to the part where you fuck me?" You sighed, worried that if you didn't do so soon, in the midst of your highest confidence, you'd lose the nerve. Jacob let out a quiet chuckle as he nodded, moving to shed the last of both of your clothes. Gentle as ever, he took as much time with this process as ever, making you more at ease and anxious for the next step all the same.
"Are you sure?" Jacob worried, settling between your legs. You kept one hand against his face and the other set of your fingers grasping his shoulder. You nodded quickly between shaky breaths, your nerves heightening slightly at the realization this was happening. But then Jacob shook his head. "I'm not doing anything until you relax, doll."
You were fully aware of your uneven breathing and the tensing of your body, due to the anxiousness that threatened to swallow you whole. You wanted this, you really did. But that didn't stop your nervous system from going a bit haywire during such an unprecedented situation.
"Relax." Jacob repeated. He petted your hair back and smoothed a hand across your shoulder, attempting to ease the tension you held there. You tried your best to settle a bit more comfortably against the sheets as the guy spoke up again. "Take like four deep breaths, and relax." Jacob guided you through his desired number of focused inhales, taking them in just as deeply himself. You closed your eyes during the last couple and felt yourself truly a little more at ease by way of Jacob's help and kind focus. You watched the guy breath out same as you, the fourth time, and after a beat he gave you a subtle nod.
"Good, that's better. Now, are you super sure?" He prompted, letting his hands hold you firmly against him, not daring to move until you gave your full, more at ease, confirmation. When you said yes with a smile, Jacob smiled too, and proceeded to line his hips up with yours.
As he pressed into you slow and steady, he cooed in your ear. Mumbling pet names and sweet encouragements about how good you'd already made him feel. Between his saccharine words and the pressure between your legs, you were done for.
Your breathing quickened all too soon but wasn't as shaky and uneven as before. Your skin burned with want. Your legs spread far as they could. He placed a loving hand against your temple, and you gripped his wrist as he began to move his hips in a sinfully slow manner.
The press of his lips to your throat was made more intimate by the grazing of his teeth there too. The speed at which he rocked into you began to increase, your heart rate following suit. everything felt better than you could've even fathomed. You were glad you did this with someone you knew and trusted. Someone whose hands were familiar to at least some parts of your own body and whose voice was welcomed in your ear. So glad you were doing this with someone you'd let do it all over again. So glad you're doing this with Jacob.
"You're doing so good, so good, nothing to be nervous about." The last word of his sentence was abruptly cut off by a growl the man couldn't seem to hold back.
Jacob was relentless now, pulling your hips against his as he rocked so hard against you, the bed frame kept hitting the wall. You couldn't imagine feeling much better than this, but then he asked if you were close to reaching your breaking point. You realized you'd never known before, and you really weren't sure now. "I don't know." You admitted with a twinge of worry. "It feels so good, Jacob, but I-I don't know." A sigh escaped your lips as he hit a certain spot within you. He grumbled encouragement in your ear, saying it was okay that you didn't know, and kept up his efforts.
"But I can't hold back much longer, I'm sorry." Jacob cried, his movements becoming sloppy, still heavenly though. It was your turn to encourage him, and let him know it was okay to come undone. Jacob was a goner soon after your brief pep talk, pulling himself from you as his seed spilled across your stomach. As Jacob caught his breath, he promised to go hunting for a towel to clean you up as you propped yourself on your elbows.
"Is it disappointing that I didn't come?" You worried, sitting up a little, catching your own breath. Jacob smirked, and petted back your hair, settling a little closer to you.
"I'm just glad you didn't fake it. Sometimes it just takes practice to know how to make it happen... to find out what you like, ya know?"
"Yeah, I s'pose." You contemplated, a bit cross that it hadn't happened, because it was half the reason you were eager to get this first time sorted out, so you could know how to handle yourself. Jacob had spotted a towel a few steps from your bedside, and was quick to retrieve it. And as he sweetly took to cleaning up the mess he'd made about you, he spoke up.
"You know, I never said our little educational experiment was over..." Jacob was smug, but turned up a brow to nod seriously your way and in a moment that made your cheeks flush even still after everything that had just occurred.
"Would... would you?"
Jacob said nothing. He simply dove back in to kiss you again, with more passion than ever, you thought. The man pressed you to lean against the pillows once again, as his fingers danced lower and lower down your abdomen.
"You seemed to like when I did this." Jacob cooed, letting his fingers ghost over your heat for the second time that evening, grazing a certain spot you'd once helped him find. You sucked in a breath at the feeling, giving Jacob the green light to proceed with more vigor. He pressed his fingers against you with more certainty, swirling more meaningful circles in that one spot. Jacob watched as you bit your lips together, struggling to keep an undignified moan from bursting from your chest.
"Think I must be doing something right." You friend boasted, keeping up the motions he'd settled into perfectly making. All the while, he moved to kiss you. His mouth, you were certain, must've left marks peppered across you skin as his lips moved from your neck to your throat, to your breasts and down further and further and further.
Once his lips ghosted across your core, you knew you were done for. The man let his tongue replace his fingers, as his digits moved to slide inside of you. His hair tickled your thighs, and every sensation added up together was nearly too much to process.
You thought Jacob's hands were magical, his lips and tongue were mind blowing. His warm breath, his teeth grazing, it was all more intense than you'd though it could've been. Your back arched, your hips rolled, and Jacob shouldered closer, putting as much vigor into this process as he could manage. Now, you suddenly seemed to understand the answer to his previous statement. You were close, now. You had to be. Your every sense buzzed and all you felt was increasing ecstasy.
You couldn't begin to hold back your cries of pleasure now, as Jacob worked you into a frenzy. He kept up his efforts until your legs shook, and only when you nudged his head gently away from it's latch onto your lower half, did he cease.
"I would ask if you enjoyed that but I think I know the answer." Jacob grinned, crawling to lay at your side. You laid in a daze, wondering how someone could've gotten that reaction from you. Of course it was Jacob who had.
You glanced at him from the corner of your eye, and for no good reason at all, you both burst into a fit of laughter. Exhausted giggles, that died down when a cough alerted you to how dry your throat had become from all the harsh breathing you'd done.
Jacob insisted on taking care of you, finding water for the pair of you to drink and escorting you to the shower. You pulled him in with you, and talked about silly things as you washed up, comfortable as before in your friendship.
"Hey, thank you. I really was so scared to go through all that. But you made it easy. You made it fun." You confessed, as Jacob wrapped a towel around your frame. He ran his hands up and down your arms, warming you from the chill of the room.
"Thank you for trusting me. You'll never know how much of an honour it was, really." Jacob nodded sincerely, before pulling you into an embrace. He went home shortly afterward, promising to see you soon, and joking that he'd more than happily help you practice again, anytime. You laughed along with him, and secretly hopped he wasn't joking.
///
After he left, sleeping with Jacob constantly played back in your mind. The phantom feeling of his body lingered about your skin. You thought of little else than your dear friend, as you moved through the motions of the next day. So, to remedy your fever for the lad, you called him and asked about meeting up for dinner. He responded quickly insisting he'd love to, and that he would swing by your place a little later on. Time dragged on as you counted the minutes until he arrived.
When the knock came at your door, you opened it with perhaps too much excitement. Neither of you said anything, and a brief moment of silence filled the space between you.
"It's still a little early for dinner." You schemed. Jacob quirked a brow, stepping in as you stepped back to make room for him. He shut the door behind himself, as you crossed your fingers behind your back... "Maybe... to kill time, we could do what we did the other night?" You hoped, casting a hopeful glare up to the man before you. And before you even finished your sentence, he reached out to pull you closer, crashing his lips against yours once you'd finished talking.
It wasn't long until he had you lifted from the ground in his arms, your legs wrapped around his torso as he moved to throw you on the sofa.
"You do have a lot still to learn." Jacob smirked, untying the joggers that hugged your hips.
"But we are eating later." You demanded, craving a certain local restaurant.
"Well, I'm not waiting till later." Jacob growled, smiling as he lowered himself between your legs right away. The night spiraled into a mess of moans that were familiar to you now. When the pair of you were spent, you cleaned up and went to dinner, and then parted your separate ways.
After that night, there were four days until you were set to move away. And Jacob showed up at your door every evening with a different excuse each time.
He'd wanted to see the newest horror film in the local theater. You left halfway through to fuck in your car. Jacob mentioned that practice made perfect, and he was more than happy to help you hone this craft. You'd wanted to throw a party with all your friends before summer sent you each different way's. A whole soiree was planned in which you and Jacob skipped out early on; because the broom closet you'd snuck into wasn't giving either of you enough space to work with, and you'd both concluded this may be the last chance you got to really participate in your new found hobby.
But the next day, he found his way over all the while. And neither of you had to ask. It was only a matter of time before he had you pinned against the bathroom counter, and you'd never been happier. Just as you began reaching your climax, Jacob spoke up between sighs, "I don't want you to leave."
"Then come with me."
"What?"
"Come with me." You manage to get out the words before losing all composure. He followed close behind. But you both knew finding release together wasn't what you meant when you asked him to come along.
As you both caught your breath, Jacob brushed your hair back, and let his eyes consider all of your features. As he took too long to respond, you decided to draw a bath, and invited him to settle among the bubbles with you, where you brought up your question one more time.
"We've had lot's of practice, you know." You settled across from the man you'd come to know better than you ever expected. "Maybe we can go pro. Make it official?" You watched Jacob watch you, as you spoke.
"Was this your plan the whole time? You're twisted way of getting me to fall for you?"
"No, I genuinely just wanted your help that one night. Then it turned into many many nights. And now I don't want to ever have to worry about practicing with anyone but you."
And so after a few more rounds of questions of answers, it was decided. Jacob would follow you to a new town to live a new life. But with your oldest friend at your side and under shared sheets, you weren't so nervous about all the new things you would get to encounter, together.
───※ ·❆· ※───
576 notes · View notes
netegf · 8 months
Text
So We Won't Forget
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pairing: f!reader x rafe cameron
plot: you meet rafe cameron at a grief support group while he struggles with the loss of his father. he's trying to be a better man, and you can't help but love him for it.
warnings: 18+, sensitive topics such as death and mourning, use of Y/N, fluff and flirting, challenging sibling dynamics, smut (P in V, size kink, lots of praise, some teasing), mentions of past drug use, rafe is reforming (?) lol
word count: 7.7 k
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Rafe didn’t know what he was thinking.
He knew Barry had given him the bright pink flier as a joke more than anything else. And he’d taken it as a joke, at least after the initial roll of his eyes, too. Ended up crumpling the sheet of paper and chucking it into the garbage can near his bedside, muttering some iteration of ‘yeah man, that’s real funny’.
His dad was dead. For real, this time. He didn’t need some corny grief support group where people sat in a circle and sang their sorrows.
He needed a fucking time machine.
Still, he had done it.
Sleep was getting harder and harder to find these nights. The temperature never felt right.
Too hot when he pulled white sheets up and over his bare hips and too cold when he let them slip down to his feet.
He rolled his body over to his side with the intention of scrolling through his phone which had become increasingly dry since his return from Guadeloupe.
But then his hand was reaching down into the garbage can and he was squinting in the dark to make out an address he’d never seen before.
It was no wonder why. The Church was so far in the outskirts of Figure 8, it might as well have been on the Cut. But it wasn't, and that was one of the only reasons why he'd reconciled with making the drive.
It was a shoddy building with peeling paint and a slanted roof, and it took him a whole twenty minutes to step outside of his truck and through the front doors.
The place gave him the chills. He felt better thinking it was because it was so run-down and he was a Kook through and through, but a part of him knew it was for a different reason entirely. He wasn’t completely sure he wouldn’t burst into flames upon entry. It wasn't long ago that he’d melted a fucking cross for Christ’s sake.
Like the man standing at the entry-way can read his mind, he claps a hand on Rafe’s shoulder and flashes him a reassuring smile. He must've been staring guardedly at the blocked off pew.  
“We just use the space on this side of the building.” The man says, gesturing to the large room with groups of scattered chairs and a long table at the back with pastries and refreshments. “There’s no, uh,” he clears his throat, then continues with a knowing glance, “religious affiliation.”
Rafe manages a nod, his fingers feeling numb and jittery all at once. His eyes rake over the room once more. More specifically, the people in it.
Some of them look like they’re itching to talk, while others look so boxed up it makes the silence in the room more chilling. Rafe decides he connects more with the latter, but there’s a spot he can’t quite reach at the swell of his shoulder blade that suddenly feels like it could use a good scratch.
“I’m Leon, by the way. The program manager.” The man, Leon, introduces himself. “Help yourself to some snacks, then grab a seat. We’ll start shortly.”
Leon shoots Rafe another smile, then saunters over to the front of the room where he sits down by a dingy whiteboard. 
Briefly, he wrestles the impulse to sprint out through the double-doors and scrub the very essence of the place off his body in a scalding shower. Sterile and dizzying, just how he likes them. 
But then his feet are trudging clumsily toward the snack table, and he downs a hot cup of coffee that splashes uncomfortably against the acid in his stomach before filling an empty chair at the back. 
"Let's see. As you take your seats and feel out the room, some of you might be asking yourselves why you even bothered to show up. Why don't we take a moment to remind ourselves why?"
To you, the introduction by the man you now know as Leon leaves something to be desired. A reminder wouldn't be necessary because forgetting wasn't the problem. 
The problem was your best friend was gone, and nothing in the world could get your mind off it. It was a strange kind of irony, really, talking about her so you could end up talking about her less. 
What better place and time was there to mourn than the beautiful Outer Banks in the summer?
At least, that's what your mother had said in a chipper tone as you rode the ferry off the mainland together.
Taking in the ambience of your surroundings, you seriously doubt she's right. The AC is blasting and you still feel sweat beading on your forehead. The place had the humidity of a greenhouse and none of the natural light. 
"We'll start our conversation small. With a partner." Leon says, breaking you out of your trance. "I'll walk around the room and pair you up."
The friendly man that Leon is, it takes him a while to get to the back of the room where he pauses in front of you.
"Alright, so that leaves... you two!"
Leon points vaguely to a figure sitting at the far corner, who lifts his head for a second to meet your eyes. A flash of blue before he looks back down again. You notice that he's not moving a muscle and probably doesn't intend to. 
"Guess I'll come to you." You mutter shortly under your breath, dragging your chair behind you as you move closer. 
Taking a seat in front of the quiet stranger, the first thing you notice is that the top of his head is pretty. Then he lifts his chin and you come to realize that the rest of him is even prettier. 
Dirty blonde hair that seems to be growing out after a cut sticks to his forehead, slightly damp with sweat. Angular jaw, beautiful blue eyes, soft pink lips pressed into a frown. He gazes at you suspiciously. 
"Rafe." 
Your eyebrows furrow, temporarily stalling your ogling. "What?"
"My name." He squints at you, pointing a slender finger to the whiteboard on which Leon has messily scrawled the words: 'introduce yourselves and explain why you're here'. 
"Rafe." You repeat, trying the name out in your mouth. It feels harsh but satisfying. Like a swear word. "I'm Y/N." 
He nods, but doesn't say anything else, his eyes flickering between the floor and a black truck you can make out through the window - like he's worried it might disappear. 
You steal a glance at the pairs around you who seem to be getting far deeper into conversation than the two of you. 
"I think we're supposed to talk." You mumble.
Rafe nods again, and his lips part for a moment, but then they close again. You fight the urge to glare at Leon for dooming your progress before it could even begin.
"I can go first." You offer with a shaky breath. "I'm here because my best friend, Stacy... died. It was, um, a car crash." 
Hating the way the silence intensifies between you, you continue. 
"I don't really know what to say. Just that she was kind of my favourite person. And she, uh... always made me feel like I was the only one in the room, you know? She just wanted to make you laugh and it was like nothing else mattered. Just us, living in our own little world."
Rafe feels a certain tightness in his chest, pressing down on his sternum.
"You're lucky." He scoffs.
It makes your face fall.
He'd tried to make it sound like a good thing, but it came out ugly, like it always seemed to. 
"I'm... lucky that my friend died in a violent car crash? Gee, Rafe. Your empathy has no bounds.” 
The turn of your voice makes Rafe's spine stiffen, his brows stiffly pinched together as he attempts to soothe over his words.
"No, I didn't mean it like that, okay?" 
You narrow your eyes at him, crossing your arms over your chest.
Suddenly, the lips that you once thought were pretty look more like what they really are. Annoying, when they move. His crisp blue polo and stupidly expensive watch are starting to get on your nerves.
"I just meant that you - look, at least you had her. That's more than a lot of people can say."
That was rich coming from a guy that looked like he had everything in the world at his disposal.
"Who'd you lose? Your gardener?" You quip. 
Rafe stares bitterly then looks down at his lap where his fingers are fidgeting.  
"My dad."
You feel your stomach churn with guilt, face getting hot.
It's the way he says it that pains you. Like it hurts him physically to get the words out. You know that feeling like the back of your hand. You wish you didn't, but you do.
Suddenly, Rafe's rigidity feels less abrasive and more heartbreaking. You wonder how long it's been, hesitant to ask because it might make you feel worse. Maybe you deserved it for leading with pettiness instead of compassion. You remind yourself that you're grieving and messy, too. 
"Oh." You choke out when an apology feels tight on your tongue.
He lifts his head up to meet your eyes, chewing on his bottom lip. "Yeah. Oh."
"I shouldn't have said that, Rafe. I'm sorry." 
"No, I get it. I shouldn't have said that either. That way, at least. I'm trying to be better at... not saying the wrong thing." He breathes, shoulders falling. "I fuck it up constantly."
"You're not, you didn't." You shake your head. "I'm just on edge. Plus, I get really cranky when I'm hot, and it's boiling in here. Promise." 
You feel a sense of relief when he cracks a smile at that, wanting to savour it. 
"And...," you trail off, catching his attention. 
"And?"
Your gaze runs over him, from the top of his handsome face, down to his shiny designer boots. 
"You're textbook Kook. I guess my whole 'eat the rich' thing got the best of me." 
Rafe laughs softly, feeling a rush in his chest. For a second, he's not thinking about a certain series of events that looms over him everywhere he goes like some sort of 'never off the clock' paralysis demon. Nor any of the bad decisions he made that led him up to that point and drove him deeper into the ground after the fact. He remembers back when he was just a regular asshole. An arrogant rich kid with poor impulse control and penchant for adrenaline. 
He's debated if he would choose to go back thousands of times. 
Part of him wants to.
He had a lot less to worry about. More parties to throw, more girls to take up to his bedroom after very little flirting on his part, more blow to keep him heady and distracted.
Help keep his mind off of the arguments with his dad.
His dad, who blew a hole in his life, and now, was gone... forever. It's something he'd imagined more times than he could count, but he would have never guessed this feeling. 
Nothing felt good anymore. Like he didn't deserve any release because his dad wasn't here to give him shit, so he'd endured nothing to warrant it. He'd started feeling guilty, more than usual, and in a more physical sense. He could feel it when he woke up. Maybe it was the guilt that woke him up every day, gasping for air and clutching his chest. It was starting to sink in and sometimes he spent the whole of the night crying. It was like his soul was being reformed. He drove to a Church, instead of calling Barry, to feel something again. 
He secretly hoped for a big, ambiguous power that would slap him awake and help him trek forward like a strong wind behind his back. But believing took a certain lack of resistance and if his father's eyes were anything to go by, Rafe was stubborn like a grease stain.
Then there was the risk of believing and still watching everything spin into chaos around you. Feeling stupid that you hoped for something different.
But things are different now. 
He's still an asshole, sure. But he's trying to work on that. 
"You're not wrong." He admits, grinning slightly. "You been to the island before?"
"Couple times. I know how you guys talk." You shrug, amused at how the jargon piqued his interest. "It's been a pretty long time, though. Don't think we've ever met."
He nods, like that makes sense to him. You shiver when his blue eyes run you up and down. 
"I would've remembered you."
Before you can respond, Leon makes his way over to the two of you, smiling to himself, mostly, because the conversation he'd manufactured appeared to be a success.
"You two look chatty." He says brightly, eyes flickering over Rafe's posture, far more laid-back than when he first walked in. 
"Just doing what you asked." Rafe replies shortly.  
"Yeah, 'course. Just that you two seemed quiet, but turns out, you're chatty. It's nice, that's all. Keep up the good work, folks!" Leon says the last part loud enough for the room to hear, enthusiastically clapping his hands together while he does it. 
"Dude's weird." 
You chuckle at Rafe's comment, watching as Leon eagerly prods at another pair. You turn back to him and shrug. 
"Definitely weird. Kinda sweet, though?"
The rest of the session continues with Leon speaking to the group, promising that next time, sharing would take place in a larger circle for deeper community. You don't miss the way Rafe's knee bounces up and down next to you. At one point, you gently put one of your palms on his knee to keep it still. You feel his stare burning a hole in the side of your face, but you don't look at him. Just a hint of a smile on your lips. 
It makes Rafe nervous. He feels something different, and he likes it, but it makes him nervous. 
"Hey... you gonna come next week?" You ask him as you sling your bag over your shoulder, trying to make sure your voice doesn't sound so hopeful. 
He pauses for a second. 
"Uh, maybe. Maybe, I'm going to have to check on a few things first." By a few things, he meant Barry. Though they'd unloaded most of the cross gold, they still worked together sometimes. Mostly because they wanted to.
He was an unlikely friend. Gruff and hard to control, but in his corner.
If Rafe was going to show up again, he didn't want Barry finding out. He'd never hear the end of it - 'you're getting soft on me, Country Club!'.
"Okay." You chirp, turning to leave and taking all of three steps before stopping again with your bottom lip wedged under your teeth.
Fuck it. 
"Hey Rafe?" You spin back, sounding hopeful and a little desperate, but honest, at least, because you are those things. 
"Yeah?" He breathes, eyes falling all around you. 
"I really hope you come."
Quickly, you turn back around and make your way to the door, hand barely gripping the knob when you finally hear his voice.
"Y/N."
You look over your shoulder to meet tender blue eyes. 
"I'll be there."
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Turns out, sharing circles are harder than they look. For Rafe, at least. 
You spoke about Stacy so easily. You spoke well of her so easily.
When Rafe heard your shaky exhales next to him, he clamped his warm, calloused hand over yours on instinct, listening thoughtfully to the way you described her favourite hobbies. The ones you loved along with her, and the ones you loved to make fun of her for. It was a good reminder for him, that the fruits of his instincts could be tender. An animal with at least some softness. He wasn't always so sure.
He spent a fair amount of time comforting Sarah and Wheezie when they cried as kids, but he was also usually the reason they started crying in the first place. 
After that first meeting, you awkwardly made your way out of the Church and Rafe followed behind you shortly after. When he watched you undo your bike lock, he puffed his red cheeks out and approached you with a slight shake in his knees. He wasn't nervous, it was just hot out - is what he tried to convince himself. 
He offered you a ride back to the house you were staying at with your mom in exchange for your number. You strapped yourself in his passenger seat with a smile on your lips and a special kind of spark flared up in your chest, the kind that makes you acutely aware of the sweat coating the back of your neck, sticking the hair to the skin, when your eyes met his in the rearview mirror. 
Rafe didn't look like the kind of guy that seemed well-intentioned when he asked for a girl's number. But he surprised you when he texted you once he got home. Then again all through the evening. And, in the days that followed. 
Between the texts and the phone calls, you covered a lot of ground. Now, Rafe knew about the time you peed yourself at an elementary school book fair, and you knew that he slept with his first dog's collar months after she died. You gushed about your favourite kinds of junk food while he raved about the hand-spun milkshakes at the club. 
Rafe's turn to speak in the circle was a mess, to say the least. He could hardly spit a few words about Ward, too busy navigating pregnant pauses and his newfound habit of stuttering. He thinks he might've called Ward 'nice', then very quickly grimaced after. When he heard his own voice through the rush in his ears, he thought it sounded nothing like him. He could barely even feel your gentle hand rubbing at his back when his words broke and cracked, leaving his throat with a nasty burn. 
Though Rafe knew his relationship with his dad was strained, he loved him.
It wasn't a comforting feeling, but it was the truth, and all he had. They both could have done better, he reminds himself. God knew that was true.
But at one point, he'd just been a kid. He needed help. He needed his father who always seemed to find business elsewhere. It made sense that talking about Ward was hard.
It made mourning him harder.
A perpetual flurry of emotions that kept his mind up at night and his hands restless. Anger and sadness always dominating the rest, but fighting their own fight with each other.
Anger when he thought about the ways his dad favoured Sarah.
Sadness when he remembered those rare early mornings Ward woke Rafe up for a surprise boat trip, just the two of them.
Back then, Rafe used to stay up entire nights in excitement at the prospect of spending some time alone with his father. Eventually, he had to force himself to accept that their last trip together had long passed, and right under his nose.
"Was it bad?" He groans, eyes screwed shut as he rubs a hand over his taut jaw, working lazily on a piece of gum.
He's still sitting when the room clears out. You stand to haul your bag over your shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile that he absorbs fully. Bright blue eyes drinking you in. 
"No, Rafe. It was fine. Everyone's too busy focusing on their own shit. You got through it just fine."
He gives you an unconvinced look, quirking a brow. Then he tugs at your bag, holding it instead. 
"You're lying." He frowns. With a hint of amusement in his voice, "God, and you're a bad liar, too."
Biting your lip, you take Rafe's hand in yours and drag him towards the exit, giggling quietly to yourself. He trails behind you, slowly shaking his head. He grins when you skip past the metal rack at the front of the building and pull him into the parking lot. You didn't bring your bike today. 
"C'mon, big guy. Let's get you a milkshake." You tease. "I know a place."
He rolls his eyes and laughs, letting you lead him in the opposite direction of his truck.
"You're going the wrong way, dumbass."
"I don't know, Rafe. It tastes kinda funny."
"That's because you mixed chocolate, vanilla, and peach. Who the fuck does that?"
Rafe sips on his chocolate milkshake as he sits across from you in the booth, an amused smirk tugging at his pink lips. The Island Club is somehow nicer inside than it is outside. The cherry-wood of the tables shines under the mood lighting and even near capacity, there's enough room for decent conversation. 
You pout, stirring your paper straw around in the metal cup. You perk up with an idea. 
"Let me try yours."
Rafe starts to laugh, eyes widening in protest. You're sweet, he thinks. He'd probably give you anything if you asked.
But that didn't mean he'd do it. He liked to think he was a little more challenging than that. 
"No, you made your bed." He shakes his head, gulping down another sip. It makes his Adam's apple bob. You stare mostly unashamed and lick your lips without thinking. "Now lie in it."
He watches your eyes get big for all of three seconds before realizing he'd lie right beside you.  
"Fuck, fine." He relents, taking his lip under his teeth, pang in his chest. "Don't look at me like that."
With two fingers, he pushes his cup in your direction and you hum happily as you sip from it. A sort of warm feeling in your stomach as you realize Rafe's mouth was on the same straw you're sucking on just moments before. 
"Do you know that guy? He's staring at you really hard." You mumble through the milkshake, but Rafe's eyes are fixated on your saliva-coated lips. 
"Huh?"
You turn your gaze to a guy at the bar. He's been staring at the back of Rafe's head for the better part of five minutes, squinting his eyes every so often as if to confirm it's really Rafe he's looking at. As he starts to come closer, you begin to understand why - his button-up shirt is half undone, his tawny brown hair disheveled, a far-away look in his blue eyes - he's drunk off his ass. 
Rafe turns to look. 
"Shit. Yeah, he's my sister's... long story." He sighs, forcing a smile as the guy approaches your table. "Hey, Top. What's going on, man?"
"Rafe!" The guy, Top, slurs excitedly. "I never see you around anymore, man. Where you been?" 
Then his eyes run over you and he chuckles. "Maybe I should be asking who you been with." 
It was true, Rafe had been sort of MIA since Sarah had returned with the news about his dad.
Well, except for that one incident. He hoped Topper was too drunk to remember that. In any case, he hadn't felt that guilty about their fading friendship - Topper had been MIA, too, ever since he went 'Rafe-crazy' and lit up the Chateau. He supposes that was his fault, too. 
Maybe he was avoiding him on purpose.
Topper reminded him of all the skeletons in his closet. It was hard enough living with the shame without a walking, talking reminder of his past. A lot of bravado and hair gel, is what it was. He regretted nearly everything now but sometimes he worried that if he spent enough time in the same places he used to, with the same people he used to, he'd somehow switch back. 
Rafe stiffens a little, but he gazes at you warmly. "This is Y/N. We met at, uh... she's..." 
"New." You finish for him. "Rafe's been showing me around."
At that, Rafe gives you a look. It made it sound like...
"Ah, that famous Cameron hospitality." The guy snorts. "I'm Topper."
The words 'Nice to meet you, Topper' die on your lips when he rams a hand aggressively on Rafe's shoulder and starts to laugh to himself, as if recalling memories. "Me and this guy? We go way back, Y/N. Best of friends, really."
You nod half-heartedly, shifting awkwardly in your seat. The leather of the chair underneath your bare thighs is starting to stick to the skin uncomfortably. 
"Alright, man, well it was good seeing you-," Rafe attempts to wave him off, but Topper doesn't let up.
"Look, dude." He whispers, lowering his head to Rafe's ear. He's not being as quiet as he thinks he is, and the next part of what he says makes you shudder. "I heard about your dad."
Rafe feels a wave of defeat wash over him. So, Topper wasn't too drunk to remember. 
It was one of the first nights after he'd heard about his dad. He'd spent as long as he could in the Island Club, ordering drink after drink, until he stumbled outside and spent a good chunk of the night puking his guts out. Unfortunately, that wasn't before letting his tongue fall a little too loose, and explaining to Topper how his dad hadn't really died on My Druthers because he was in Guadeloupe swimming in gold. But now, now he was really dead. And he wasn't coming back. And he'd barely said goodbye. 
"I'm really sorry, man. I know things have been really fucking weird, to say the least. But I'm sorry you're going through that. Again." Topper spills, feeling completely uninhibited. "Well, I guess it's only real this time around. But... you wouldn't have known that at the time." 
Topper winces at himself. He rubs a hand down his red face and stumbles away from the table. "Shit. Sorry. I'm just gonna-,"
"See ya, Top." Rafe cuts him off dryly. 
You look at Rafe cautiously as Topper makes his way, albeit clumsily, back to the bar. He lets out a deep breath and then slowly starts to shake his head, lifting his chin to meet your eyes with a look that seems to say - 'are you seeing this shit?'. 
"That guy used to be your best friend?" You ask with a hint of a smile, trying to diffuse the tension. You spare a glance at Topper who's slurring through his order of another drink. 
Rafe shrugs, letting out a wispy laugh. "We had our moments."
Moments he wasn't particularly eager to tell you about, but moments, nonetheless. 
"Do you wanna talk about it?"  
"What, Topper? Fuck no." He laughs harder. 
"No, not Topper. The meeting." You say sincerely. "Why you feel like you can't talk about your dad."
You feel your heart race a little at the question, wondering if Rafe is going to use it to be vulnerable. His face falls for a moment, but then it recovers. For a second, he considered it. But there's something bigger that's been weighing on his mind. 
"I was kinda hoping we could do something else." He says softly and moves in closer, cupping your cheek.
"Yeah?" You whisper, meeting his intense gaze. Hot breath fanning over his face. "And what's that?"
He tenderly moves a strand of hair out of your eyes, trying so hard to be soft that his hand is shaking. His blue eyes have specks of something else at this distance. It's the best colour you've ever seen. 
"I really need to kiss you."
He nods while he says it, like he's giving himself an affirmation. Then he's closing the space between you and pressing his lips over yours with a controlled kind of pressure you're really tempted to see snap one day. The way your mouth opens for his tongue nearly immediately almost makes it happen right now. And that'd really be a shame, he thinks, because he wants to ruin you when he has time and space to play with. 
"Stay with me tonight?" He mumbles breathily as you pull apart, and you nod as his thumb cradles your cheek.
You think you can maybe make out Topper whistling, but it's hard with all the blood rushing to your ears.
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Rafe kisses like affection has been missing from his life for a long time. 
His hands are almost frustratingly gentle as they caress your jaw, but his lips, which haven't detached from yours since you entered his bedroom, more than make up for it.
They're hungry and wet with spit, entirely unsatisfied until your panting underneath him and have to bury your face in his neck to take deep, deep breaths of oxygen and his fading cologne.
He bites at your mouth and neck in the meantime, then soothes over the tender spots with his tongue while you whine and claw at the silky material on his still-clothed back.  
"This. Off." You murmur throatily, parting from his lips to tug up on the hem of his shirt. You stare unabashedly at the defined v-line that peaks out from underneath, tongue darting out to wet your lips in anticipation.
Rafe laughs, but humours you, throwing the garment off over the side of the bed so that it hits the floor somewhere. 
Still hovering over you, he leans down to press several kisses to your lips, and you take the opportunity to run the flat of your hand down his warm and muscular chest, the other hand curling around the sweaty strands of his dirty blonde hair. 
Rafe actually moans out when you tug on his hair, and the pretty sound brings a rush of heat to your core.
You squeeze your thighs together and plant open-mouthed kisses along Rafe's jaw, when his phone starts to vibrate on his bedside table. 
You turn your head to glance at the bright screen and Rafe scrunches his eyebrows together, fingers pinching at your chin to turn your focus back on him.
"I don't give a fuck who it is." He laughs breathily. "I'm not picking up. I'll break the stupid thing if I have to." 
You playfully roll your eyes before Rafe's lips attach to yours again, and you hum happily against his lips as he works them raw. Then his phone starts buzzing again.
"You wanna reconsider?" You giggle. Rafe slumps his face into your chest and groans loudly, arm extending to the table to pick up the device. He lifts his head up and glances at the notification, face twisting in what looks like shock.
"It's my sister." He says, confusion evident in his tone. "My sister never calls me."
He moves to stand up and passes you an apologetic glance.
"Sorry, I gotta take this." He mumbles in a stray kiss to the crown of your head. "Gimme a sec." 
A few seconds turns into something much longer. 
It turned out that Rafe's sister, Sarah, was calling him because of some kind of commotion that was happening at a bonfire she and her friends were at.
Apparently, the person causing the commotion was someone Rafe knew.
Based on Rafe's initial surprise and the way he's been chewing through his bottom lip the whole way to the beach, you assumed Sarah calling was a last resort for her. You got the sense she and her brother didn't talk often.
"I'm gonna handle this, alright? I need you to stay right here." Rafe says sternly, nervously running a hand through his hair.
You sit in the passenger seat of his truck, which has quickly become one of your new favourite spots, with a frown on your pretty lips that makes Rafe's chest hurt. He reaches up to cup your cheek. 
He'd tried to convince you to stay in his room while he dealt with the situation, but you were adamant about coming with. You needed to make sure he was safe. It didn't feel like there were many people that had his best interests at heart. 
"If you think I'm going to let you go out there by yourself, you really don't know me, Rafe." 
His lips twitch at that, his thumb caressing the skin under your eye.
"You're infuriating, you know that?" He murmurs softly. "Fine. C'mon."
The beach is pretty at this hour, too. The sky is dark, but not completely so - an expansive dark blue that blankets the moon. In the distance, you can see the reddish-golden flames of a bonfire that illuminate a group of people. 
"You had the cross!" An exasperated voice yells. "How was that not enough for you?!"
"Yeah, I'm afraid that's old news." Another man with long dark hair retorts humourlessly. "I'mma need my fucking money. The money your punk asses stole from me, or did you forget that shit?!"
Getting closer, you can see that this group is separated from the much larger crowd behind them. Four guys, and two girls. One of the girls has shiny blond hair that glows under the light of the bonfire flames. Sarah, you guess. 
Three of the guys stand beside the girls. The other one stands opposite the rest of them, hands smoothing over something his pocket.
A soft gasp leaves your lips when you realize it's a gun.
Rafe stops suddenly. He turns to gaze at you with an intense look in his eyes, pupils hard as one of his hands grips your shoulder. The other reaches for your face, thumb brushing over your lip tenderly. 
"Don't move." He whispers. "Promise me." 
You feel your stomach churn at the request, wanting nothing more than to tug him by the hand all the way back to his truck. But you nod, hoping it helps alleviate the tension in his forehead. 
"Barry!" Rafe calls out as he turns around and approaches them. 
The man with the gun tucked in his jeans, Barry, looks over his shoulder and huffs. Rafe roughly pushes him away from the rest of the group and they divulge into a heated conversation. Rafe's jaw ticks as he listens to Barry and receives a firm shove to the chest. But he manages to placate the other man by whispering something into his ear. Barry ends up nodding, and he casts one more angry glance at the rest of the group then begins to retreat. 
"Y'all have a good night, now." He chuckles grudgingly before leaving. 
Rafe makes his way back to the rest of them, nodding at his sister. You slowly come up behind him. 
"Thanks." Sarah seems to hesitate to say. Her arms are crossed over her chest, and there are frustrated tears in her eyes.
The relationship between Rafe and Sarah has been strained for a long time. They seemed to fundamentally disagree with each other.
It wasn't always that way. Or at least, Rafe thinks, it wasn't always that way. One day, his sister upped and left it all - the big house, the fancy clothes, the nice cars - for 'Pogue life'. It still made his nose crinkle in disgust when he thought about it. But the truth was, he hadn't thought about it in a while... their dad dying worked to break them out of that feud. There were bigger things to worry about, and despite everything that went down in the last few years, they'd lived a whole life together before that.
That still meant something to Rafe. 
It meant something to Sarah, too, he thinks, because she'd been less appalled by him lately. She checked in every once in a while. A few months back, he'd formally apologized to her, and of course, it would never be enough, but he felt a weight off his shoulder when she accepted it. When he realized she wasn't scared of him anymore. 
Maybe they could move passed everything. It would take a long time, sure. But he could wait for family. The only family he has. 
One of the guys next to Sarah, wearing a backwards baseball cap, stiffens.
"Don't thank him. He's Barry's bitch." He bites like Sarah's words are absurd, then stares hard at Rafe. "In fact, he's probably just here to score some more coke."
Rafe's grits his teeth, eyes fluttering shut for a second. He opens them and shakily exhales. 
"I'm clean, now." 
Your heart clenches at how raw his voice sounds. You watch with wide eyes as the same guy scoffs at him.
"Yeah, like anybody believes that." He mumbles under his breath. Before you can try and defend him, Sarah steps in. 
"Guys, I called him." She admits, fatigue evident in her voice. It makes you wonder how long the confrontation between them had gone on before you and Rafe showed up. Another guy, one wearing a bandana across his forehead, casts Sarah a sour glance and she sighs. "You know I had to, John B. Did you want Barry to leave, or not?"
He didn't have anything to say to that. 
Sarah steps away from her friends in an attempt at some privacy. She approaches Rafe, and by extension, you, while the rest of the gang diffuses around the bonfire. Whatever had gone down in the past between these people, it was clear they wanted nothing to do with Rafe moving forward, and it was perhaps only because Sarah was family that she even entertained speaking to him. You appreciated her for that. 
"It's been a while." Sarah comments. "You've been... doing okay?"
Rafe shuffles nervously in front of her, nodding without meeting her eyes. 
"Yeah, I've been good. You?" 
Sarah nods and a silence falls between them. 
"You're still hanging around Barry?" She asks, raising an eyebrow in disapproval. 
"He's not that bad."
"Yeah, I'll try to remember that when he's not threatening me and my friends for 25 thousand dollars."
Rafe shakes his head with a new-found confidence, raising his chin to meet her stormy and inquisitive eyes. "Nah, I talked to him. He won't bother you guys anymore."
Sarah nods again, and another silence falls between them. 
"You're really doing good?" She asks again, bottom lip wedged beneath her teeth.
"Yeah, I am. I'm, uh, getting help. Got this... group thing."
At the mention of a 'group', Sarah's eyes sweep over to you, drinking in your slightly turned face and averted gaze as you try to give the siblings some space for their conversation. She feels her lips twitch a little. So much had happened. A lot she didn't think she would ever forgive, maybe should never forgive. But she couldn't deny that it was more complex than that, nor could she deny that she missed her older brother. The one from before. Who she'd make eye contact across the dinner table with when Rose waxed poetic about their new marble counters. If they could find their way back there, she'd be lying if she said the idea didn't make her happy. 
"I'm really happy to hear that, Rafe. Honestly." 
Rafe smiles weakly. They say their goodbyes and manage an awkward side-hug with each other. When he turns around, you silently take his hand in yours, and you walk along the roaring beach back to his truck. 
Back at the truck, you lay your head on Rafe's shoulder as he sits in the driver's seat, still parked at the side of the road. Rafe keeps his eyes closed, taking a deep breath before he starts to speak. 
"My dad scared me." 
Instinctively, you reach your hand over the console and tangle your fingers together. You give his hand a gentle squeeze. 
"I fucked up a lot, embarrassed him. And I, uh, I don't blame him for that. I was high all the time. Angry. Violent." He continues, sniffling slightly. "He wasn't scared of me, though. Never was."
"I guess I just wanted him to look at me and not be ashamed, you know?"
Rafe gulps, trying to let the sound of your soft hums and the warmth of your body keep him steady. 
"I did some really bad things to people. Things I'm not proud of." He whispers with his head hanging. "They didn't deserve it... and now, I have to live with that."
He shuts his eyes and exhales. 
"It's, uh... it's really hard living with that."
Lifting your head from his shoulder, you bite your lip as you take in Rafe's words, fingers reaching forward to brush away the spare tears that collect on his cheeks. He leans into your touch, finding comfort in it. 
"Hey." You say softly. "Look at you, talking about your dad. You're doing a really good job, Rafe."
He smiles weakly, his eyes trained on his lap. "Sorry tonight was a bust."
"It wasn't." You protest. "Plus, it's not over yet."
Rafe lifts his chin to look at you, his curiosity piqued.
You lick your lips and trace your fingers along his jaw, maneuvering yourself over the console to firmly grip the sides of his face and pull his lips to yours in a long and messy kiss. It's clumsy, with your noses bumping, and teeth scraping - but it's hot and it makes you feel tingly.
Rafe nips at your bottom lip shamelessly, kisses trailing down the column of your throat. "In the truck?" He asks, and you can practically hear the grin in his voice.
"In the truck." You breathe, holding back a moan when Rafe sucks on your skin. 
One way or another, the two of you find your way into Rafe's backseat. He's sitting with his legs wedged apart while you grind on top of him, muttering obscenities under your breath and weaving your fingers through his hair.
The sounds of your pleasure do more for him than he'd care to admit. When you unzip his slacks and stick your hand into his briefs to pull out his leaky cock, he throws his head back against the headrest and hisses at the contact. He is so fucking sensitive already.
"No, don't." Rafe protests breathlessly when you stroke his hard cock a few times, his hand slipping from your hip to wrap around your wrist and pull it away. Your eyes widen and you unfurl your hand immediately, only to smile when you realize why he wants you to stop. He tries to calm himself down, but can feel it building. 
"It's been a while." Rafe defends, and you giggle on top of him, pressing a sloppy kiss to the underside of his jaw. 
"Honestly, Rafe. That's really fucking hot." 
You pull your top over your head and toss it to the floor, then quickly unclasp your bra. Rafe groans immediately, half-lidded eyes so pretty and pitiful as one of his hands reaches up to grope you, while his mouth latches on to one of the hardening buds. You raise your hips to pull down your shorts, but it's not quick enough for Rafe. He tugs impatiently at the lace of your panties. 
Rafe sits you down on him, letting you control the speed as he enters you. Your mouth falls open as you attempt to take him fully, eyes screwed shut, gasp after gasp leaving your lips. 
"Fuck." You pant as he bottoms out, unable to move for a second as your head slumps in his chest. Rafe chuckles underneath you, large hands squeezing your hips. 
"You okay, baby?" 
"It's just big." You murmur, taking your bottom lip under your teeth. "It's really big, Rafe."
"I know," he coos softly as you begin to rock your hips on top of him, his own face twisting in pleasure as your pelvises kiss. "But you're doing so good, huh?"
You can barely respond, too taken by the feeling of your tight walls squeezing around him. By the sound of Rafe's deep thrusts, pistoling up into you as your hips knock into each other sloppily. Your slick dripping from where you're connected down to your thighs, squelching obscenely inside Rafe's truck, definitely staining the seats. 
"Taking my cock so well." He praises. "Splitting you in half, and you're taking it like a champ." 
You moan brokenly as Rafe hits your spot, his hand trailing down at the same time to rub circles on your aching clit with his thumb. 
"My good girl, huh? Always will be?"
You reach your climax as he presses searing kisses on your shoulder, shuddering with the kind of white hot pleasure that has your toes curling and a high-pitched whine vibrating from your throat that Rafe is sure he'll never forget. 
He comes shortly after, the way you clench around him through your orgasm enough to send him reeling. He groans, pumping his hips a few more times before he stills completely and fills the condom with his spend. He holds you tightly as you both come down, the sounds of your heavy breathing overlapping with each other.
Before his cock softens, he pulls out slowly and disposes of the latex. He presses a soft kiss to your cheekbone when you frown at the loss of contact, whimpering sweetly.
"Don't pout, princess. You need to get filled up? Right here?" A slender finger trails down to your slit, bumping your sensitive clit in the process, and it prods at your wet hole. 
He chuckles, brushing the sweaty hair from your face with his other hand. "I got that. Just gotta be patient and wait 'til I get you home. You can do that for me, right, pretty girl?"
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The next morning, you strap yourself into the passenger seat of Rafe's truck as he drives to a busted Church at the outer edge of Figure 8. He takes his seat amongst a circle of foldable chairs and you take your seat next to him. His hand reaches out to grip yours not different from how it did last night, through fucking and sleeping alike.
When it's his turn to speak, you squeeze his hand encouragingly and he takes a deep breath.
"My dad, Ward Cameron, passed away about a year ago. He was a lot of things..."
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a/n: thank you for reading! comments/reblogs appreciated!!
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multific · 9 months
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Pink Flags
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Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader
Warnings: smut, unplanned pregnancy, angst
Summary: After a night of passion, you face Simon with the consequences, however, his reaction is far worse than you could have ever imagined.
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You were always good at what you were doing.
Comically good. The way to take down terrorists was like a dance. A melody you create by murdering them.
What you weren't so good at were feelings. Especially your own.
No matter how tangled up you got with them, you always found a way out.
You promised you won't become attached to anyone. Attachments are dangerous.
But you did find yourself entangled with your LT.
Which wasn't good.
You knew it was unprofessional but the moment his lips hit that sensitive spot on your neck, you lost all sense and only came back to it the next morning.
When once again, you lost all senses when you felt his bulge rub against your ass. It was all a mess.
You should have seen the red flags. But you chose to ignore them all.
Simon Riley for one was a huge red flag.
The entire man was a secret and you loved it. It was so exciting and interesting for you.
You knew Simon wasn't the relationship type of guy so you knew what to expect. You were ready for rejection at any given time.
But of course, it never came.
Not once did he reject anything you did, ask or told him to do.
Not even on the battlefield.
Simon knew you were talented so why would he question it? But now, now he had a question, a question he was afraid to get an answer to.
"What did you just say?"
"I'm pregnant."
Simon saw many terrible things, and done some himself, but that one word was the worst he had ever experienced.
A word that will change both of your lives and he wasn't ready for that. He was dead. Only a ghost, an idea, a machine.
Not a father.
"Get rid of it." he would reply in his panic. He honestly didn't even realize he said it out loud if it wasn't for the hurt in your eyes, he would have believed he didn't.
But he did. And it hurt.
He then turned away and left.
You promised yourself it would be the last time you saw him.
Because now, you finally could see all of his red flags.
All of them came crashing down on you.
But you also knew you won't 'get rid of it'. No, you will keep this baby.
And after getting a note from your doctor, you retired from the army, focusing on the baby and yourself instead.
Fuck Simon and his attitude.
Fuck him for not stepping up when you needed him.
Fuck him.
You will do better without him.
---
Living in a small apartment in a quiet place in London might have been the obvious choice.
But it was your choice.
You wanted to prove that you can provide for your child.
Thankfully you were smart enough to not spend the money you earned while in the army.
So, you had enough money for now.
Not for very long, but you could still get a little nursery done in your home.
You went to all of your appointments with that doctor.
Hearing the heart of your baby beating was like magic.
And then the announcement of the century, you were having a little girl.
A beautiful little girl who is yours.
Your daughter.
You needed many days to let that sink it.
Being pregnant and alone was a nightmare.
No one was there to rub your feet or to help with your cravings.
You told yourself you don't need anyone anyway… After all, who would want a woman who is pregnant with someone else's child?
There might be a couple men out there but you didn't need them.
You just needed you and your baby.
And that was enough.
When the time finally came, you could only stare at her, sleeping in her bed next to you in the hospital.
You swore to protect her from everything.
You swore to be enough for her.
You swore to love her forever.
For she was the love of your life.
Your little bundle of joy.
You gave her a name, a name you always wanted to have yourself, so you let her have it instead.
A healthy little girl.
Your daughter, Emily.
Bringing her home was possibly as challenging as it was magical.
You ordered some food for yourself before putting her to sleep.
You tried your best to remember everything the doctor and the nurses told and taught you.
There was a knock on your door, you stood up and walked to get your food.
But of course, instead of your food, a man stood in your doorway.
Simon.
"You got to be fucking with me." you said as he looked at you.
"Nice to see you too, Lass."
"What do you want?"
"I believe you have something of mine. Half, mine."
"Go fuck yourself Simon. This is all you can say? 11 months and this is the best you can do. Leave."
And you slammed the door into his face.
When your food finally arrive you did catch a glimpse of him still waiting in the hallway. But you didn't care.
Who did he think he was?
Half of his?
Fuck him.
How dare he?
---
From that day on, he was everywhere.
In the grocery store, in the park, in the restaurants. Wherever you and Emily went, Simon followed.
One day, you were sitting on a bench, Emily sleeping in her stroller when he suddenly sat down next to you.
"I'm sorry."
"That's a better start." you said, not looking at him.
"I was a complete idiot when I told you to…" he looked at the stroller as you watched him, you understood what he meant. "I have been watching you for a while now. I found you when you were five months along."
"So, you have been watching me for 6 months now?"
"About that much, yes. I died the day my family died. I am a ghost, a baby didn't fit into that."
"Then wear a condom." you said with a harsh tone, he knew he deserved it.
"I am not father material. I am a soldier. Having a child is… not for me."
"Why are you here Simon? Are you here to tell me, this time nicely, that you want nothing to do with me or my daughter? Fine, have it your way. Leave, I didn't need you then, I don't need you now."
"You were the best of us. 141 isn't the same without you. Price often said that you will be the end of me. He always joked about you and me… a quiet life, but I don't think he meant it as a joke. You fascinated me always. You are so beautiful and kind."
"Simon-"
"The day you were told you are having a girl, you were so happy. You went to a restaurant and ate so many things, then you went to the ice cream shop. The lady looked at you funny when you asked to only eat the pink ones. I followed you, I watched you."
"Why are you here Simon?"
"Price told me to find you, he told me to make things right, but he only spoke the words I have been meaning to do. I knew I needed you the moment you joined the team. I let you go because of my own doubts and fears. I do not know what I would do if anything happened to you or her."
His words were sincere. His eyes were filled with guilt and regret.
You would be lying if you said you weren't attracted to him. You always were and will be.
"I can't let you in Simon if you are only going to leave us." is all you could say, your voice, barely a whisper.
Simon was about to say something when Emily started to stir and cry.
You grabbed her and put her on your chest, slowly bouncing and calming her down. You looked at Simon whose eyes were glued to your little girl.
"She has your eyes." you said as he looked at you and then back to her. You moved her slightly, making her face him.
"She looks like you." he said. "Beautiful." it was something he wasn't meant to say, you could tell easily. "I don't want to leave, but I have to. It's what's the safest for you two."
"It's not enough. I am not going to just send you photos of her for every anniversary. I'm not going to tell her that her father wants to see her but can't. It will break her and me. Either you have us Simon or not. I'm not doing the tango with you."
"You were always the all-or-nothing type." he chuckled. He was looking at Emily and you could tell it wasn't an easy decision to make. But you couldn't let him have it his way. As if to help your case, Emily reached out her small hand towards Simon, you smiled at her but waited for his reaction.
He lifted his hand and let her touch his fingers.
Simon will never forget the feeling of his daughter's first touch. It was so warm and innocent. Her little fingers played with his much bigger ones.
Simon came with the intention of letting you go. But he couldn't.
When he first saw you, you were radiating.
Your belly was showing as you walked from store to home. Simon should have known it was a done deal after that.
He should have known he will never be able to let go.
"I will make this right." he said as he let Emily wrap her tiny fingers around his thumb.
He couldn't believe just how terrible he was towards you that day. Telling you to 'get rid of it', of his daughter. He will forever regret his words. No matter how much he will do in the future. You offered him a small smile and a simple nod.
You knew he will be able to make things right, the two of you will be able to figure this out.
Simon Riley might be a walking red flag with a tragic past, but when you handed him Emily, his eyes filled with love and suddenly, in the bright daylight those red flags looked more pink to you.
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spacebarbarianweird · 2 months
Note
Hi! I absolutely love your headcannons!! Would it be possible for me to request sick Astarion? Or Astarion with a sick Tav? :)
Hi! Thank you for your request! I think I can do both!
Masterlist
Headcanons
Caring for their sick partner
Astarion takes care of you
He isn't a nurturing type.
He doesn't really care about himself let alone someone else!
Besides, it's not like he used to hang out with mortals a lot.
During your post-game adventures, you end in the far north in the middle of winter.
Astarion doesn't feel cold, but he notices you feel uncomfortable near him - his body is cold, and he steals the heat you need so much.
It causes tension between you two - one of the first challenges for you as a couple.
During a fight, you fall through the ice and almost die in the dark cold waters.
Astarion saves you but the damage is done.
You are severely sick.
Astarion freaks out.
You are dying in his arms.
He has to save you. He won't lose you.
Astarion manages to dress you in dry and warm clothes. He leaves you by the fire for a bit to hunt - you need food, and Astarion needs blood to warm you.
Then, when you stabilize, he carries you to the closest village and gives you all the money you've earned in your travels for a room in the inn.
He spoon-feeds you and wraps you in the warmest blankets.
Sometimes you pout, refusing to take one more bitter medicine, but he can't take this nonsense - you are going to get better. Period.
When you wake up, still in fever, Astarion is always near. Either wrapping you with his blood-warm body or with his ear on your chest as if he was afraid your heart was going to stop at any given moment.
As the spring comes, you finally get better. Astarion gives you a bath, and you realize how itchy and sweaty your body is.
Then he lashes at you, of course.
You were reckless, you were risking yourself. How could you?
But you know he speaks out of fear, and you comfort him, promising to never put yourself in danger without a need.
You take care of Astarion
If you weren't a nurturing type, you wouldn't end up with Astarion.
The man needs help and care, something he never had.
You comfort him after the nightmares and kiss away his tears.
He doesn't need to be cared for physically - once the tadpole is removed, he regenerates, and it's impossible to wound him.
But he is a mental wreck who can have a meltdown over a trigger word or a cruel flashback after an innocent action.
But he is far from invincible.
He is being reckless and ends up surrounded by monster hunters.
They chain him in silver and leave him helpless on the ground to see the sun.
You manage to come to the rescue - and murder all three of them.
But as you fight, the sun rises, and it burns Astarion.
It's almost too late for him when you set him free and drag him to the shadows.
The regeneration is slowed down - the burns are as bad as if he survived a fire.
You give him blood. All you can do without killing yourself.
The assault causes one of the worst setbacks in his healing process.
Astarion is almost catatonic - curling in the darkest corner of the room in the fetal position.
You can only guess what prison his tortured mind is locked in.
You talk to him. Hug him. Takes care of his hair. Caress his back.
Days become weeks, weeks become months - and one evening Astarion is finally back.
He wraps his hand around you and nuzzles your collarbone.
By the end of the night, Astarion is his true self again, ready for everything freedom has to offer.
"I was there, in the tomb," he confesses. "I was locked there, in the dark, and all my life looked like a feverish dream."
"I am here, love," you say. "I will always be here for you."
You pretend you don't see his tears as you say it.
--
Tag list
@tugoslovenka @marcynomercy @wintersire @vixstarria @not-so-lost-after-all @ashiro20 @theearthsfinalconfession @herstxrgirl @starlight-ipomoea @micropoe10 @astarion-imagine-archive @veillsar @elora-the-slutty-songstress @fayeriess @lumienyx @tallymonster @caitlincat-95 @tragedybunny @valeprati @lynnlovesthestars @marina-and-the-memes @waking-electric @ayselluna @connorsui @asterordinary @darkarchangel96 @locallegume @brainfullofhotsauce @coffeeanddonutscafe @my-queen-rhaenyra-targaryen @queenofthespacesquids @ednaaa-04 @dajeong
488 notes · View notes
lovetei · 9 months
Note
Can you write about the demon brothers reacting to MC attempting to flip a bottle and land it but before they do they say,
“If I land this, I’ll kiss Solomon.”
And when questioned why they had that very specific condition they respond with,
“Because I know I won’t land it.”
(Spoiler alert: They do land it and they’re like, “oh…anyways! Solomon wanna make out?”)
Idk why my brain thought of this but here
This have been in my drafts for ages... I'm sorry if this took so long... :')
I'll try to finish as much project and requests as I can promise :)
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MC playing filp the bottle except if they landed it, they go make out with Solomon
Warnings: Grammar errors, not proofread
Versions: Demon brothers, Side Characters
Links: Masterlist
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LUCIFER:
He's sitting in his desk doing the usual
Work, eat, work, sleep
And you're there
Sitting in the floor like a child he needs to babysit
"Hey, Lucifer."
"What?"
"If I land this flip I'm making out with Solomon-"
What flip?
There won't be any bottles to flip when he shot that plastic bottle with whatever dark energy that is stored inside him.
You just looked at the plastic bottle you're playing with that is now stuck in the wall with a black shadow pinning it.
You looked at Lucifer and he's looking back at you like he didn't do anything
"Ha, MC... Why would you even want that shady sorcerer near you? Asking such specific consequences..." He sighed.
And you responded with a giggle
"I only said that because I know you won't let me land it."
Oh...
I guess he fell for his darlings trap again.
Hey what are you doing?
Where did that bottle came from?
You have another one?!
Why, are you going to flip it?!-
IT LANDED?!
You grabbed your phone to call Solomon and asked him something but
But before you can even dial his number the same thing that happened to the bottle happened to your phone.
"What are you grabbing MC?" He asked as if he didn't just ruin your phone.
MAMMON:
You saw this flip the bottle challenge online when the two of you went to get some things from the human world
And you both decided to make it a trend in the Devildom
But of course you need to be unbeatable to this game first before letting others know about this
So you're in his room, continuously practicing
"If I land this you'll ask for Lucifer's credit card."
"If I land this I'm making out with Solomon."
Fine!-
Wait what?
What did you just say?
The bottle he just threw stopped mid air and the bottle you threw was stopped
It was about to do a perfect land but suddenly,
Coincidentally, a random fire ablazed out of nowhere causing the wind to change and disrupt the landing of your battle
He looked at you in disbelief, his bottle still mid air
"Why did you ask for that..?" He asked his voice low as the bottle slowly descended.
"Because I know you won't let it land, Mammon." You laughed out slowly making him chuckle too
Of course he won't
He's your first man after all, and your kisses are strictly restricted for him and him only-
Did that bottle just landed?
Is that your bottle?!
YOU GRABBED HIS BOTTLE AND FLIPPED IT FOR YOURSELF?!
NU UH!
You better bet he's outside HOL waiting for that damn sorcerer like he's some criminal.
LEVIATHAN:
He's the hardest player to play with, to be honest
You don't know if he's good at this because he's a good player
If he's good at this because he can control the water
Or if he's good at this because he's just so lucky
You've been chanting the phrase "If I land this I'll make out with Solomon." For some time now
But the water just kept mysteriously moving mid air causing the bottle to lean sideways and fail to stand up
You look at Leviathan and he just avoided your gaze while sweating
So what you did is
You briefly kissed him on the cheek before saying the same phrase while his mind is lagging and you knew it
The bottle landed and he's just like "H-HWAH?!"
You're grabbing your phone..?
OH MY GOSH YOU'RE GRABBING YOUR PHONE!
"W-Wait MC!" He tried to stop you from 'calling' Solomon
Well, you're not calling him,
You just put the phone in your ear pretending to do so
"I-I'll make out with you instead, please?!"
Wait...
Why are you grinni like that..?
W-Wait!
SATAN:
This bottle flip challenge is so stupid and so noisy
He just look at you with a book in his hands knowing damn well that the bottle won't land because the water is not enough
"If I land this I'll make out with Solomon!"
What?!
Oh wait, the bottle won't land.
He's nervous for a second he's glad he knows it won't land-
HOW THE FUCK?
Where did that water came from?!
Why is the bottle suddenly half full?!
"MC you little..." He frowned at you, the book no longer important to him
"What I flipped the bottle? It's just fair-"
What bottle are you talking about?
The bottle that is standing before you is now squeezed
And the water 'coincidentally' squirted just enough to have your phone broken
Just as he thought
The bottle wouldn't land.
ASMODEUS:
He's not actually playing with you, just watching you as he dries his nails
"Honey you've been flipping that thing since earlier, aren't your wrist tired?" He whined out.
You just shook your head
Not even bothering to verbally answer him
Except just continuing to flip the bottle
You then sighed before saying "If I land this, I'm making out with Solomon."
Oh?
Now he's invested~
Oh it landed?!
"Wah~ I want to flip it too!" He suddenly said before grabbing the bottle and flipping it himself
What, he flipped it in first try?
Wait why is his eyes glowing pink?
Did he control it
"Come on now, MC! Call Solomon and tell him he needs to make our with two people!"
Oh...
So that's how it is...
BEELZEBUB:
You're in the kitchen counter
Flipping bottles continuously since earlier
And he's just sitting in front of you on the other side of the counter
Watching you
"If I land this flip I'm making out with Solomon..!" You contracted
His eyes went wide
And before the bottle can even land you heard a crunch
"Tastes good."
Did he just take a bite out of the bottle?
THE BOTTLE?!
Well...
That's one way to solve it...
BELPHEGOR:
He's just trying to sleep peacefully...
Stop making so much noise with that damn bottle please!
He's burying his head on so many pillows
You think he can't even breathe anymore
So...
He can't hear you if you just whisper it right?
"If I land this flip I'm making out with Solomon..." You whispered to yourself.
Suddenly some tail hit the bottle and crashed it to the wall
Now there's a hole in the wall with a bottle stuck in it
"I just woke up MC... Don't mess with me." He said.
You just chuckled as you drop yourself on his bed.
You knew it.
Solomon won't stand a chance against a newly wake up Belphegor.
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ivesambrose · 3 months
Text
𝔏𝔬𝔳𝔢𝔩𝔶 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔩𝔬𝔬𝔨 𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔡 𝔱𝔬 𐙚
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Its been a rather cold month so I decided to channel something warm to look forward to 🤍
To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at [email protected] with your name, date of birth and query
Services Offered
Client Testimonials & feedback
Thank you for the tip 🌹
Picture 1
You may have been dealing with challenging situations or people who are quick to throw jabs at you or throw a wrench in your plans. This may have led you to question your own intuition and potential making you scared and hesitant to take a step forward or take any risks in the fear of failure. You'll realize that their scattered mindset and opinions aren't supposed to be your core beliefs. You're not supposed to take advice from people whose life you don't see yourself living. Rather, you should focus on what makes you bloom from within.
You can look forward to a shift in belief system that will in turn change your entire life and reality for the better.
You can also look forward to something that excites you in the form of a rewarding opportunity (especially in terms of career for most of you) that you have been wishing for or were being patient for the longest time.
You can look forward to something valuable that will grow with time and won't be a fleeting thing. You'll be able to trust your intuition and judgement again. You'll be receiving nurturing and quality connections in your life as well. People who care and support you and your dreams.
All of this comes at the small cost of slowly letting go of your self sabotaging tendencies.
Timing: Coming 21 days
Picture 2
You've recently fathomed the power of your thoughts and words and how time and circumstances are irrelevant when it comes to them materalizing. This has been happening a lot but in the past you have questioned them but now you've grown more adamant, strict and assertive. You've learnt to stand your ground. You want to fully step into your power more than anything and allow no one not even yourself to stand in your way.
You can certainly look forward to a completion and celebration. Your labour has been steady and your harvest will be abundant. Enjoy your prosperity. You'll also be embarking on a new journey in your life, ideas and outlook will expand, no one will be able to confine you.
There's a lot of passion coming your way, it will allow you to overcome any fear you may face.
That long awaited renewed hope, clarity and peace is finally yours. You can actually see your path ahead, the destination that you'll reach, so you'll choose to embrace and enjoy your journey.
You can also look forward to a physical glow up, being appreciated, being proud of yourself and your achievements. Shedding guilt. As well as connecting with people or existing friends who feel like your tribe, with whom you don't have to mask your true self to be loved and accepted.
Timings : coming 14 days, stay loyal to your end goals. (September for some of you too)
Picture 3
You can see the dots connecting in your life, maybe you don't know how exactly, you may not have the outline laid out in front of you but when you aren't overthinking it, you realize how one thing leads to another and gain momentum. Things aren't exactly as a standstill as you think. You're extremely disciplined and focused, so whatever you have set sights on is bound to happen or be yours.
You may not realize how powerful your esoteric gifts are but you will. You can look forward to your visions, dreams, written words actually coming true as though it were a prophecy. Be mindful of the people you share your wisdom and insights with. I do see you aren't as happy with your current social circle or people you interact with. You trust very few and you sometimes feel very isolated. But you excellent foresight and there's always a silver lining in your circumstances.
Life will begin to change as the days get warmer and longer.
There's so much beauty in you, you don't even realize that you're a muse to many or are about to be. You might go into hiding only to rise from the ashes as something wild and free. The transformation that you seek is ongoing and something you know is inevitable. Celebrate it when time comes or start from today itself.
Timings: Coming 12 days, summer season (July and August is standing out for some of you as well)
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softerglow · 10 months
Text
how to wake up earlier
sleep is a challenge for many people. after vacations or intensive projects or even a couple rounds of staying up late playing video games, we've all messed up our sleep schedules before. this is a guide on how to wake up earlier and get healthier sleep. please let me know if you'd like more posts like this. wishing love and prosperity to all <3
the night/day before:
choose a bedtime that's 9-10 hours before your wake up time. make sure you're in bed at this time. if you don't fall asleep immediately (which you won't, the first couple of times) read or journal until you feel sleepy.
turn your devices off or put them away at least 30 minutes (ideally 2 hours) before your bedtime. if you have any devices that stay on overnight, make sure they aren't within arms reach and notifications are turned off. if you're using your phone as an alarm make sure it's on the other side of your room, so that you have to walk to turn your alarm off in the morning.
make sure dinner is a light, satisfying meal. don't eat after dinner, as this can lead to acid reflux and interrupted sleep.
avoid caffeine and sugary drinks in the afternoon and evening. keep your caffeine intake under 400mg per day.
sleep with your curtains or blinds open. this will help adjust your circadian rhythm to the day/night cycle.
find a relaxing hobby you can do before bed. some ideas include crochet, knitting, reading, journaling or building puzzles. these are well known in helping with stress management and can help you unwind before you go to sleep.
create a relaxing night routine. make sure you feel clean and comfortable by the time you go to sleep.
make use of a lavender scent before you go to bed. whether it's a linen spray, incense, a candle or an oil diffuser. lavender is calming and can help you feel sleepy, especially if you learn to associate it with sleep.
in the morning:
get out of bed the second you wake up. you need to get up, turn off your alarm and stay out of bed.
make your first activity of the day one you enjoy. your skincare routine, cooking a nice breakfast, a warm shower or even sitting on the couch watching netflix is an option. there's no shame in what you choose to do first thing in the morning, even if it's not productive. if it gets you out of bed, it's the right choice.
expose yourself to sunlight as soon as possible in the morning. just 10 minutes could help your circadian rhythm adjust. if it's dark in the mornings because of the weather or the different seasons, turn your lights on.
other tips:
avoid pulling all-nighters or taking naps. staying up all night is bad for your health, full stop. lack of sleep weakens your immune system and ruins your focus during the day. taking naps regularly can impair the sleep schedule you've been working so hard to build. however, if you're really tired, a 20 minute nap is better than a cup of coffee.
make your mental health and stress management a priority. depression, anxiety and stress result in poor sleep. they can be managed with a well balanced lifestyle and professional intervention.
having a well balanced diet can improve your general health as well as your sleep. make sure you aren't skipping meals. have of each meal should be fruits and vegetables, a quarter grains (preferably wholegrain) and a quarter protein. eat as much variety as possible.
stay well hydrated. the common recommendation of 8 glasses a day is a good goal. staying hydrated can help you stay more alert during the day.
regular exercise can improve quality of sleep. exercise during the day if possible, but definitely not within 2 hours of your bedtime.
make a list of reasons why you want to wake up early. read this every night before you go to bed and first thing in the morning. make sure your reasons are important enough to motivate you.
if you're struggling to adjust to a new sleep schedule because your current sleep schedule is so far off, adjust your bed/wake times in 30 minute increments. this can make the adjustment more comfortable.
stay as consistent as possible. try to keep the habits you've built, even over vacations or exam seasons. discipline will eventually become a habit.
only drink in moderation, alcohol can do serious damage to your circadian rhythm. alcohol generally is bad for you and should not be overconsumed.
if you're having persistent issues with sleep, reach out to a doctor or a sleep specialist who can help you.
finally, be kind to yourself. you can't force yourself to sleep, and stressing about it will only make sleeping properly more difficult. change comes gradually, and you can achieve anything you set your mind to as long as you're consistent.
~*
i hope you're having a lovely day. if you have anymore tips for achieving a healthy sleep schedule, please let me know. i would love to hear it.
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angelltheninth · 6 months
Note
I would like to request Harley Quinn, Selina Kyle and Diana prince and facesitting (them doing it to reader) if you write this it would literally make my wlw heart beat out of my chest 😫
Hopefully your heart is okay after this one Anon.
Pairing: Harley Quinn, Selina Kyle, Diana Prince x Fem!Reader
Tags: nsfw, smut, face sitting, cunnilingus, praise, dirty talk, clit stimulation, fingering, teasing, restraints
A/N: I rarely get to write for these characters so I hope I do them justice.
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Harley teases you a lot when you tell her you want her to ride your face. When you stick your tongue out she pulls back, your frustration building, tasting her but barely. Even if you were to pull her on top of you and make her hold still she'd find a way to wiggle, to deny you a while longer. She does want this just as much as you but she likes it when you put in the extra effort too, it makes her feel special when you moan against her pussy, almost as if addicted to her taste and the way moves on top of you.
"That's not all ya got sugar, I know ya can do better than that. I'm this close to ya and ya won't chase me? I'm very disappointed. And after all that work I put in to get you off minutes before. Hm, that's better, there we go, pull me down on top of you, give me that tongue. Yes, right there, ya know just how to work a girl up."
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Selina rides your face with a lot of enthusiasm. She's got hips that never give out, she could ride you all night if you're willing to spend the next day with your jaw aching. Background music is always a must with her, she moves her hips to it, hands down her body, her thighs, grabbing your hands, intertwining your fingers with hers to have something to hold on to. Yes her claws can leave marks but that's a small price to pay when you get to suck her clit until she comes all over your face.
"Give me your hands darling, I want to hold you while I ride you. I can feel your smile, is it such a surprise that I'm a romantic? I can be very good you know. With the right incentive. I can also return the favor if you do a good enough job. Why not make it a contest? See how many licks it gets me to make you squirt. Good girl, I love a challenge."
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Diana has to be very careful when she sits on your face because she can literally crush you with her thighs. You often tell her that it'd be nice to die that way but she doesn't think it's that funny. Because you always insist on pulling her down she's taken a habit of restraining you with her lasso. It also makes you a lot more honest, so she doesn't have to worry about you trying to overexert yourself. She's also the kind that will turn away from you and ride you while fingering you, she finds it much more enjoyable when she can feel you too.
"We talked about this before love, I can't fully sit down. Now, now, you don't have anything to complain about. Will another finger shut you up? Do you want to feel full? Love you when you're honest with me. Don't you slack off either, I want to feel your mouth on me, go as fast as you want, you know I can handle it."
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moon-rivr · 3 months
Text
protector
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*fic was inspired by body - @baka-bakeneko *
pairing: bodyguard toji fushiguro x spoiled fem reader
contents: smoking, jealousy, assumptions to arranged marriage, spanking, oral (f and m receiving), missionary, and doggy
author’s note: he needa eat me out like that fish anyways, this is like the first fic i’ve written of him but this man hasn’t left my brain since i’ve finished watching it 🫠
word count: 6k
Your father owned a tech company in japan that had recently blown up, which was enough reason for him to assign a bodyguard for you. A part of you felt like he was trying to assign the responsibility of raising you to someone else, but who could really complain when you were getting spoiled beyond belief? He'd spoken to you about how your behavior was affecting his public image, how your countless nights of going out to clubs and getting drunk were painting him in the media as a irresponsible parent before outright just assigning a babysitter to you.
"Come on, you don't have to follow me around. I won't tell my dad that you're not doing it," you pleaded to the man in front of you, jutting out your bottom lip into a pout. "Shut it princess. I’m following you around, I don't care if you like it or not," he kept a stone cold gaze as he talked to you, no hint of emotion in the way that he spoke. You weren't used to being told 'no' so you took it as a challenge to change his mind. "Come on, pretty please. I'll do anything," you offered him suggestively, your hand trailing his abs through the skin-tight compression shirt he had on. You weren't planning on doing anything with him, but you were planning that your actions would be seducing enough to entice him in giving up.
In just a few seconds you went from standing in front of him to being pinned against the wall beneath him. Your hands were above your head as he looked down at you, clicking his tongue in disapproval. "What would your little daddy say if he saw you being such a slut for the bodyguard?" He spoke just low enough for you to hear, his eyes boring into you. Your eyes widened slightly as you met his gaze, your throat bobbing at the switch in position. You were used to being the one wielding all the power, never having to subject yourself to being at the mercy of anyone else. "Rich brats are all the same. So used to getting what you want, hm? Well, not with me princess. I'm following you around," he told you firmly, letting go of your arms once he made sure his point was made.
You stayed in the same spot, dumbfounded at what you were currently feeling. You would've never thought that having someone above you could make you feel this way, feel so aroused and over basically nothing. You'd been the dominant in most of your relationships, demanding things and getting them served to your feet like the little princess you were. But you couldn't deny yourself that this power switch was enticing to say the least, the way that he managed to shut you up just by holding you in his grasp. While you still hated the idea of having a babysitter looking after every thing you did, you also couldn't deny yourself the simple fact that the man was attractive. His green eyes were something you could easily get lost in if you looked at him long enough and his muscles looked like they could break anyone with ease.
Toji couldn't hate this job any more if he tried, just the fact that his abilities were diminished just to protect a spoiled brat like you infuriating him. Though, even he couldn't deny that the pay was much more than he expected. Certainly better than hopelessly betting on boating races. While you annoyed him beyond belief with the way you just had to point your manicured finger at something to get it, he also couldn't deny that a part of him was enticed by the way that you acted. The way you pouted at him to take your shopping bags whenever he followed you at the mall, the little fashion shows that you had when you thought he wasn't watching, and the way you stole little glances at him when you thought he wasn't looking.
Toji had managed to keep you out of trouble during the following months, mostly because he just simply refused to take you out whenever you asked. "Can't you get off your ass and do your damn job for once?!" You snapped at him out of frustration, since you had taken about two hours to get ready and he was refusing to take you out to the nightclub your friends were at. "If you want to go so bad, go alone," he responded, his legs spread on the couch as he leaned his head back to get a good look at you. While the idea was compelling, your father had already threatened to take your allowance if you were photographed trashed out on the street again.
You stomped your foot angrily and glared at him, like your little temper tantrum would do anything to change his mind. You were only met with a laugh in response, the sound making you even more annoyed if possible. "You know my dad won't like it if I go out alone, c'mon. I got all pretty and stuff," you pleaded with him, your voice on the verge of becoming a whine if you kept this up. "Keep begging and maybe I’ll repent, princess," he told you with a smirk, that in itself telling you that he wasn't changing his mind anytime soon. You stomped your feet on the way upstairs for emphasis, his laughter mocking you on the way up to your bedroom. Well, at least you managed to get some cute pictures to post later on.
You ended up ordering yourself some wings for the night after changing into your pajamas, glaring at Toji as you sat down on the couch next to him. "Don't tell me you're still mad princess," he mused, looking over at you with a cocky grin on his face. You didn't bother giving into the bait, simply dipping your wing into some ranch before biting into it. "The silent treatment? And here I thought that was beneath you," he kept his gaze on you as he spoke, reaching over to grab one of your wings. You smacked his hand away but he didn't let that deter him, laughing as he managed to get the wing off your plate. "First you don't do your job and now you're stealing my food?" You grumbled, grabbing the tv remote from in between you and clicking through the movie options available.
"Ah. You're still mad about that. Don't you think sharing wings with me is more fun than getting shit faced?" He retorted, dipping the stolen wing into some of your ranch. You hated to admit it, especially to yourself, but you actually found yourself growing comfortable whenever you spent time with him. With your friends, you'd mostly set that persona of being the rich spoiled brat that makes every scenario fun and dramatic. But with the big guy next to you, you didn't feel the need to have to pretend something you weren't. Not when he saw almost every aspect of your life anyways. Though he called you 'little brat' and stuff amongst those lines, you could tell that he saw you as something more than that.
You weren't sure when you fell asleep, the sound of the tv a faint melody playing in the background. The plate of wings that was resting on your legs wasn't there anymore, rather.. something hard underneath you. Your eyes opened to see that Toji had his arms wrapped around you, a blanket tossed over the two of you as he slept. You probably should've gotten up at that moment, gone to your own bed and pretended that this never moment. But.. his arms felt too comforting for you to want to leave. The feeling of his body warmth felt better than the fuzzy blanket on top of you, your body craving just to be held by him. He fit alongside you like the missing piece of a puzzle. You laid against him once more, your eyes fluttering shut as sleep started to wash over you.
Your father had called you into his office the next morning, something he didn't bother to do after the business had expanded. He used to call you to come over so you'd learn the ropes for when he'd leave the company behind, but after he managed to get more people in his company board, he'd abandoned that completely. You stuck out like a sore thumb as you walked into the building, most of the workers in a combination of beige, white, and black while you had a pink skirt and white top with pearls adorning your neck. "He's waiting for you," the secretary told you as you approached the desk, handing you a visitor's badge.
Your heels clacked along the marble floors as you walked into your father's office, expecting to find him alone. Rather, you were met with two men in suits standing next to your father. "Come in, don't be shy," your father motioned for you to come over, putting on the caring facade he always did when someone was close. You tentatively walked over, introducing yourself to the men and shaking their hands. You felt a sense of disgust fill your body when the younger of the men looked at you with a predatory gaze, his stare too hungry for your liking. You wiped your hand on the side of your skirt when nobody was looking, waiting for your father to announce the reason you were here.
"So this is Mr. Ishihara. He runs a successful software protection company that's in more than 15 countries by now. And we plan on merging our business together," your father started off, your brows knitting together in confusion. While you could recognize that the idea had a lot of potential, you weren't sure why exactly he was telling you these details. "We've discussed about this merger, and we believe that the best way for us to go along this is if you get married to his son. I know I'm springing this on you all of a sudden which is why I reserved some spots at a restaurant for the two of you to get an opportunity to know each other," your father elaborated, making your stomach drop at his words.
You weren't sure what exactly it was you were expecting out of this business meeting, but you certainly weren't expecting to be used as a chess piece for your father's plans. "So what? You just plan on using me to your disposal?" You asked him once the two men left his office, your voice low enough so nobody outside would overhear. Though, you wanted everybody to hear just how angry you were at the prospect and yet all you could do was just silently seethe. "Don't start with me now. Think about who funds your little shopping sprees and who funds practically everything in your life before you speak to me like that again," his voice was stern as he spoke to you, his gaze no longer on you but on a document his assistant brought over. That managed to shut you up for the time being despite the fact that you wanted to keep yelling at him until he changed his mind.
You'd gotten back home a couple minutes later, having a mini breakdown in your car before you walked up the stairs to your penthouse. You were surprised to see that Toji wasn't around anywhere, not lounging around on the sofa or making himself something to eat. You searched for him around the house since his car was still parked outside, unsure of why you were so concerned about what he was up to. a part of you just wanted something to remain stoic for the time being, his presence being able to provide just that while another part of you just wanted to be next to him despite the fact that he only seemed to tolerate you out of duty.
"Do you mind if I join?" You asked, stepping out into the balcony where you welcomed by the scent of the blunt he was smoking. "Thought good girls like you don't smoke," he retorted, passing you the blunt as he turned to look over you. "Half the rich does cocaine, so what's the harm?" You uttered, taking a hit from the blunt and holding the smoke in your lungs for a couple seconds before exhaling. "Yeah, but you're not like the other rich folk. What's up, little brat?" He asked once you handed the blunt back to him, holding it in his hand before taking a hit from it.
You weren't sure if was just the stress that you were under or whether you found him particularly irresistible during this moment, but you leaned in to kiss him after he'd taken a hit. The smoke in his lungs went into your mouth as your lips pressed against his, your tongue exploring every inch of his mouth in a fervor. If any photographer was walking by at the moment, they would've been able to see you in plain view as you kissed your bodyguard. But you couldn't find it in you to care about maintaining your image, not when the combination of his lips and the weed was intoxicating you beyond belief. You pulled away, exhaling the smoke that had been in his mouth before coughing.
Toji blinked slowly as he tried to regain his composure from the kiss, the taste of your lips almost taking him off balance. He'd had plenty of experience with other women before, but none of them felt the same way that you did. He let out a small chuckle when he heard your coughing fit, handing you a bottle of water he'd brought for himself just in case. "My dad wants to marry me off to some guy I don't even know because he says it'll be good for business," you told him once you finished coughing, leaning against the balcony as you watched him exhale the smoke in an 'o' shape after taking another hit. It was hard for him to pretend like he didn't want to kiss you again, like he already didn't miss the feeling of your lips despite it only being mere seconds.
"So if you don't like it, don't go through with it. You're a grown woman who can make her own decisions," he told you as he turned to face you, his attention now solely resting on you. "It's not that simple, you know? He's the whole reason i even have anything," you let out a small sigh as you spoke, the situation becoming crystal clear to you now. "You're just a puppet for your daddy, is that it? Because if you really wanted to, you could put that marketing degree of yours to use," he responded, the words lingering in the air along with the smoke from the blunt. You decided to just share the blunt with him in silence, ignoring the way that looked at you through the corner of his eye.
The kiss was nothing more than a fleeting moment, something that neither you or Toji wanted to bring up for discussion first. Nothing about the process of getting ready for the dinner date excited you, not even the new heels from Chanel that you'd be wearing. You assured yourself that you'd probably just end up ghosting him after this dinner date, that the marriage wasn't something that was actually taking place. If things came to the worst, you'd probably just take Toji's advice and start a career in something to do with marketing. Though you weren't sure if you could get accustomed to living humbly after getting the sweet taste of what living luxuriously meant, but that seemed like the better option than getting married to someone you'd be unhappy with until he croaked or ended up asking for a divorce.
"Do you mind putting this on me?" You asked Toji once you stepped downstairs, holding a gold pendant in your hands with a ruby in the middle. His hands did quick work of putting the necklace on you, his eyes lingering on the way that the dress managed to fit your curves to perfection. "You're going through with this, little brat?" He asked you, despite knowing the answer as he grabbed his coat from the hanger. "If the dinner date ends up badly, I'll just order in wings for the two of us to eat again," you told him, grabbing his hand once he'd extended it to you. His hand felt like the perfect fit against yours, slightly bigger but it curled around you like it was something meant to be. He opened up the door for you before getting inside the car, starting to drive to the restaurant.
Upon sitting down at the restaurant, you could already tell that this was going to be one of the hardest dates to go through. Toji was sitting down from the table across from you, pretending like he wasn't listening to every word that came out of your mouth. "And maybe if you're interested, we can take a boat ride on my 10 million yacht. I got Tyler the Creator to perform on it once," your date, Kei, spoke as you tried to keep your focus on what he was telling you. Truth was, no matter how hard you willed yourself to try to pay attention to him, your mind always kept going to other things. Such as, how good Toji looked like in comparison to your date. He was manspreading at the table, lazily flipping through the menu as he rolled his eyes. Presumably at the 'extra fuckin' shit' as he could call it.
"Are you listening to me?" Kei asked you after a while, surely getting bored of his own voice after speaking about his money for 15 minutes straight. "Mhm," you responded, despite the fact that you were looking at the fork in your hand wondering if you could get away with sticking it in your eye to get away from this date. You settled on just putting the fork down into the pasta that you'd ordered, taking a bite out of it as he continued to talk about what summer plans he had. You looked up from your plate to see Toji scowling at the two of you, his right eye twitching at the sight of seeing you actually interacting with him. Though you didn't have any interest in the in front of you, you figured you could at least make toji jealous.
"That's sooo interesting. I can't believe you have that," you added in after Kei talked about one of his cars, the beaming smile that he gave you only making you want to leave this dinner even faster. The words you were telling him were only fueling to his narcissism, his speech starting to become even faster now that you'd displayed an interest into what he's talking about. you tried not to laugh as you looked over at Toji, his fists curled up in a ball before his eyes met yours. He broke eye contact first, coughing into his arm before looking away from the sight. You forced yourself to look away from him and back at the man in front of you, adding in a couple 'ooh's' and 'ah's' to maintain the illusion that you were paying attention.
"I hope to see you soon, chérie. I really liked this date," Kei told you as the two of you walked out the restaurant, his hand grabbing yours before he pressed a kiss on it. You simply nodded along, walking with toji back to the car. "Like hell you will," he grumbled to himself, just loudly enough for you to make out if you really tried. You decided not to address it, choosing to add more fire to the flame. "I don't know, I think he's a very sweet guy. Huge collection of Lamborghinis and stuff," you simply said as Toji pulled out the parking lot, the look on his face telling you that your tactics were working. The two of you sat in silence once he turned on the radio, the song filling up the air as he started the drive back home.
He'd managed to keep his composure throughout the duration of the elevator ride but as soon as the two reached your penthouse, he picked you up and tossed you over his back like you weighed nothing. "Let me go, you asshole!" You exclaimed, your fists hitting his back despite the fact it felt like nothing more than a tap to him. A smack to your ass stopped your movements, your hands falling to your sides before you were suddenly dropped down on your king bed. Toji was on top of you, his lips hovering above yours before you leaned into seal the kiss. your fingers wrapped themselves in his hair, pulling him even closer to you before his lips went down to your neck and collarbone.
"Don't leave me with too many marks," you whispered, the grip on his hair tightening as you felt him bite down into your collarbone. "I'll leave you with as many marks as I want. See if that asshole will be so happy to see you again," he responded, his lips now attaching themselves to your neck as he kissed on every inch of skin exposed to him. Your legs wrapped around his waist as a way to close the gap between the two of you, a small giggle escaping from your lips when you felt him pressing down on a particular spot in the back of your neck. "I'll take advantage of that later," he murmured, his lips coming back to your own to mark what he'd specifically been longing for after this evening.
He started unzipping your skirt before eventually losing his patience, the zipper flying across the room. "I'll get a new one for you," he murmured, leaning in and pressing a kiss on your inner thigh. "That was a Louis Vuitton skirt," you grumbled, the sound turning into a small moan as you felt his teeth sink into your thigh the slightest bit. "Then your daddy can get it for you," he told you, his lips moving to where you needed him the most before he pulled away suddenly. "What was that for?!" you complained, sitting up to see what his problem was. He pressed his palm on your stomach to keep you down, a smirk on his face as he looked over at you. "I want you to beg for it, little brat."
"I don't know how," you whined, wiggling your legs just to feel him touch you again. You were telling him the truth, all you had to do was just ask to get what you wanted, the situation never resorting to a position where you had to beg. "Come on princess, I'm sure you'll get it if you try hard enough," he teased you, his mouth lingering over your clothed pussy. "Please, I just need your mouth on me," you croaked out, doing your best to invoke your feelings into what you were begging for. "You already have my mouth on you, pretty mama. Be more specific," he responded, keeping his head where it was as he continued to tease you. "Please, just eat me out! I need your tongue inside me so bad!"
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" He cooed down at you, taking off your panties in one swift motion before getting in between your legs. "Always knew you had such a pretty cunt underneath those little skirts," he whispered to himself, pressing kisses on your inner thighs before he moved on to your folds. His tongue collected the slick that had been leaking out of you, his head moving from side to side as he ravaged your folds like a man starved. He was messy with the way that he ate you out, solely working off his own desperation and your own. He stuck his tongue inside of you, the muscle exploring every inch that your cunt had to offer him until he found your g-spot.
Your hand came down to his head as he started thrusting his tongue in and out of you, your slick visible on his lips and his chin every time he pulled it out. He moaned out into your cunt as you continued to leak around him, the vibrations going straight through to you. You couldn't keep quiet with each one of his ministrations, the feeling of his tongue sending you towards the edge of bliss. Your hips thrusted to meet the speed of his tongue, needing some kind of friction with the stimulation that you were getting. You pushed his head forward just to feel him all that much closer to you, your nails practically digging into his scalp with each suck and swipe of his mouth.
He pulled his tongue out of your cunt and slid two fingers inside with ease, his mouth attaching itself to your clit as he swirled his tongue around the nub. His fingers curled up in a 'come here' motion, the angle allowing him to stimulate your g-spot at the same time. Your legs shook underneath him as you felt the knot inside you getting closer and closer to snapping, your mouth parted. "Don't come yet. Hold it in for me ma," you could barely make out what he said as he continued to suck on your clit, the prospect of having to wait too long making you nervous. You weren't sure how long you could fend off your impending orgasm, his fingers stretching you out with every movement that he made.
"I can't hold it in anymore. Please let me cum," you whined, your voice high pitched as you felt yourself getting dangerously close to teetering off the edge. "Okay, cum," he whispered, the knot inside you unraveling as your release coated his fingers. He pulled away, bringing his fingers up to his mouth as he sucked the essence lingering on them. He brought his head back to your cunt, cleaning off any excess that he might've missed with his fingers. You felt yourself growing overstimulated when his tongue went inside your cunt once more, your hand tapping on his shoulder to get him to back off. He did as obliged, pulling away only to take off his own clothing.
If you thought looking at him in a compression shirt was a blessing to earth, seeing him shirtless was more enticing. You could make out every ridge of his body, the way that his muscles flexed with every movement as he unzipped his pants. Your eyes widened slightly at the sight of his clothed cock, his dick practically straining against the material of his boxers. His dick slapped against his stomach as he took it out of its confines, already hard just from eating you out. you got on your knees, albeit a bit nervously given the size of him. "You can take it mama. I know you can please me," he told you after seeing the look on your face, placing his hand on the back of your head. At that moment, you wanted nothing more than to prove him right and please him.
You started off by licking the reddened tip, Toji’s muscles already starting to tense underneath you. Your tongue swirled around it tentatively, almost as a way of exploring his body now that you had him. He let out a small moan when you opened your mouth to start sucking on the cockhead, your tongue swirling underneath his length. You slowly started to make your way down his length, letting your mouth get used to the intrusion before you went ahead and did anything drastic. Your cheeks hollowed in an attempt to make this easier for yourself, taking in more and more of his cock once your mouth didn't feel so restricted. You started bobbing your head up and down his length, your tongue running around the couple veins adorning the sides.
Your nose was pressed up against his neatly trimmed pubic hairs, the tip of his cock touching your uvula. You felt your eyes start to water, pulling away with a 'pop' before you went back to sucking him the way you were. You spat down his length just to make things easier for the both of you, your hand wrapping around the base of his cock as your mouth sucked on the tip. "So close," his voice came out in a shaky moan as he alerted you of his orgasm, his legs starting to tremble slightly. He tapped you on the shoulder to get you to get off before he came, but you kept your mouth and swirled your tongue on the tip of his cock. Spurts of cum landed on your tongue a couple seconds later, some of it dripping down from the corner of your mouth as you swallowed it.
Your legs were practically up to your chest as he pushed his cock inch by inch inside of you. Though the process didn't hurt too badly from your prior orgasm, you still felt yourself getting filled to the brim with every inch that he kept pushing in. "Stop, stop. I can't take it," you looked up at him as you spoke, the girth of his cock feeling like it was splitting you apart. He stopped his movements and let you get adjusted to the inches that he'd put in before starting the process over until he bottomed out. You let out a gasp when he retracted and pushed himself back in, your hands gripping his arms.
"Tell me ma. You think that silver spoon kid could fuck you the way I’m doing right now? Get you so dumb off cock like I am?" You wanted to say something to defy his statement but all you could let out was a pathetic mewl as he fucked into you relentlessly. He'd sped up the pace when you got adjusted properly, his balls slapping against your cunt shamelessly with every thrust that he took. "Who's the only one that can fuck you like this?" He asked, looking down at you as his hands gripped your thighs. You could tell just from the way he was holding you that you might have some bruising tomorrow, but you didn't care. Not with the way that he was fucking into you. With such desperation just to show you who you belong to.
"Silver spoon could fuck me like this too," you spat out, trying to get him even more jealous if that was even possible. You arched your back and let out a moan as his cock thrusted into you deeper, his grip on your thighs getting tighter. "What'd you say?" He inquired, holding your cheeks together with one hand as he fucked into you. "Nothing! Just don't stop, making me feel so good," you retracted your words in an instant when you felt his thrusts start to falter on purpose. You wished you could've said something back to him if only just to get rid of the smirk on his face, but you couldn't think about anything else other than how good his cock felt stretching you out to the brim.
"Maybe I should fuck a kid into you, little brat. Show that fucker that he can't have you anymore," he murmured as he felt your cunt clench around him, gripping around him with every movement that he made. He brought his hand down to your clit, rubbing circles on the nub and flicking it just to get you that much closer to your orgasm. You felt his cock hit your g-spot, a loud moan erupting from your chest at both of the spots getting stimulated. "Oh fuck Toji! Right there," you whined out, this orgasm feeling much different than the one you'd had earlier. He pulled out of you, your juices squirting out of you immediately as they leaked down your legs, his stomach, down to the sheets.
He flipped you over to your stomach, your back arching instinctively as his hands went to your hips. Your walls enveloped his cock perfectly as he slipped in, gripping him like a vice. One of his hands slapped across your ass cheek, the fat jiggling underneath him. "If you wanted me to fuck you, you could've just asked. You didn't have to make me jealous, doll," he told you, his hand slapping across your once more before his hips snapped into yours. The grip that he had on your hips intensified, holding you tightly as he continued to use you as his personal fleshlight. His thrusts grew more relentless, the room filled with the smell of your combined orgasms and the sounds of your ass meeting his cock.
Your orgasm approached you quickly after the sensitivity from the prior one, your walls clenching around him tightly and your juices soaking him completely once you unclenched. You felt his thrusts start to get sloppier and less methodical, a sign that he was close to his orgasm too. "Please give it to me! Need you to fuck your cum into me," you moaned at him, turning your head to look back at him. "So pretty when you beg, little brat. It suits you," his voice came out strained, ropes of cum shooting inside you. He pulled out slowly, his head in between your legs to clean up any of the cum that was dripping down your thighs. You felt your breath catch in your throat as he licked a stripe up your folds before delivering a small smack on your ass.
You wouldn't have taken Toji for the kind of guy to take care of you after sex, but he'd started up a bath for you while you were coming down from your orgasm. "You need help gettin' up?" He asked, carrying you into his arms before you got the chance to respond. His arms flexed slightly underneath you as he guided you into the bathroom, setting you down in the lukewarm water. He grabbed one of your bath bombs, putting it into the water to dissolve before getting in with you. He sat down behind you, his hands rubbing small circles on your thighs as the water eased the ache in your legs. "Made for taking this cock," he murmured, your back resting against his chest. "So romantic."
"For you, always," he retorted, helping you up once the aroma of the bath bomb faded away. He made sure to drain the water before you had the chance to, having everything to ease your comfort at the moment. He ran a washcloth across your skin, making sure to clean up every crevice. There was nothing seductive about the way he was touching, simply a form for him to show the affection he felt towards you. You returned the gesture, running a warm washcloth over his back before handing it back to him. He stayed under the water for as long as you needed to, occasionally giving you a small kiss on the cheek.
You took the opportunity to look at yourself in the mirror once he was finished cleaning you up, letting out a small wince at the amount of hickeys and bite marks littered on your neck and chest. You glared at Toji as he came over, wrapping his arms around your stomach from behind. "Don't look at me like that mama. You know I had to show them who fucks you this good," he whispered, his head resting on the crook of your shoulder. "I look like I got attacked by a damn vampire," you grumbled, the marks already starting to darken to a shade of purplish-red. Your anger wasn't too serious, you knew that you could cover it up if you needed to but it was entertaining to get his reaction. "Least he'll get the point now. If not, I'll just fuck you again."
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up until recently i ran a pretty popular radfem blog (stay with me, this ask is in good faith) but after i took a social media detox, i realized i don’t share those beliefs anymore and in fact i might be trans myself. i just kind of abandoned the blog, but i’d feel bad if i didn’t tell my followers what happened. i’m scared of telling anyone because i feel like i’d be a bad feminist if i transitioned. (i know, you can be trans and a feminist just fine, but that’s just the kind of thing radfems tell you.) even worse, i’m scared of posting about it on my main or radfem blog because radfems and trans people by and large hate each other (obv), and i’m scared to mention i’ve been in both groups because of the hate i’ll get
Lee says:
When I first started as a mod, I would have told you that you need to immediately post on all your blogs to disown the transphobic beliefs you had previously expressed to try to make up for the harm that you may have perpetrated as a radfem.
Now that I'm a little older, my feelings on the topic have shifted a bit. Before anything else, I think you need to slow down and make sure that you ensure your own safety and mental health.
If you believe that revealing this change to your followers could result in backlash online that would affect you emotionally, it's crucial to prepare by turning off anonymous asks and muting notifications from social media apps.
You should also make sure you have a non-online place to turn for support. If they used to be your community, you may feel like you've lost online friends, so make sure you don't become too isolated. Instead, lean on your IRL connections and seek support from trans-friendly people in your community.
You may even want to consider looking for a therapist-- questioning being trans can be difficult for anyone, and adding a layer of internalized transphobia doesn't help.
When you're ready to share your feelings on your blog, you should write a thoughtful post explaining your journey. You don't have to justify your identity; rather, focus on your personal growth, how your views have evolved, and how you came to understand yourself better. Acknowledge the complexity of the situation and that you're still learning.
These people were once your buddies and there's a chance you may be able to make some of them question their beliefs too if you don't lash out at them and trigger that instinctual defensive us-versus-them mindset, so I would try to keep a friendly tone even while noting that you no longer support them.
So thank your followers for their support and engagement over the years, but tell them you aren't comfortable staying part of their community now that you've realized that the beliefs underpinning the group are doing damage and you are trying to unlearn that type of thinking.
Gently challenge any misconceptions you once held or promoted. Clarify that being trans and feminist are not mutually exclusive and that everyone deserves respect and equality, regardless of their gender identity.
If you're comfortable, share resources that helped you on your journey. This could be educational materials, support groups, books you found helpful, or contact information for trans-supportive LGBTQ+ organizations. If there's anything you'd recommend to others who were once in the same place as you were on getting out, this is the time to share your advice.
Understand that reactions will likely be mixed. Some followers may feel confused, betrayed, or angry, while others might be supportive or even share their similar experiences. Remember, you're not responsible for their reactions and you don't need to respond to them if you don't want to argue and they aren't willing to have a respectful conversation.
Be clear about your boundaries. Let your followers know what kind of comments you're willing to engage with and that hate or harassment won't be tolerated. You can even stop engaging with the account altogether if you don't think you can deal with the hate that you may receive.
You don't have to post about this immediately. Again, it's okay to take as much time as you need to feel ready. It's okay to wait until you're in a safe and stable position before making any announcements.
If you do post about it and get hate, remind yourself that you're doing the right thing by letting go of that community, and that you're not only making the right choice for your own life in allowing yourself the freedom to explore your gender identity but you're also doing the right thing overall since you're now standing up for the trans community (late is better than never!) and no longer encouraging transphobic narratives.
If you feel that your current blog is no longer a space where you can express yourself authentically, consider starting a new blog or platform where you can write freely about your experiences and beliefs. Or just get offline altogether-- your digital detox is what started this, so maybe it's healthy for you to continue it for a while!
If you tell someone "I support trans folks" and they send you hate, that person is not your friend anyway. This is an opportunity to meet nice people who you can be yourself with. I would really encourage you to connect with IRL activists who are actually regularly volunteering and doing something concrete for their community if you have the opportunity.
When I was in high school, I volunteered at my local library's teen advisory board, and when I was in college I volunteered at a local hospital and through my college. This weekend I'm starting training for volunteering in-person for my town's emergency preparedness group which also does things like help to unload trucks for the food pantry, and I also volunteer remotely for two organizations online.
I'm really pushing for you to get out and volunteer (online or IRL) because I know one draw of the radfem community is feeling like you're an activist and that you're supporting women's rights and protecting and defending women. And it is important to support women's rights and protect and defend women! But there are other ways to do that beyond running a hateful blog attacking trans women.
I have a friend who works at an organization for survivors of domestic violence, for example, and she works with volunteers who help staff events, answer the hotline, etc. You can look around and see what local initiatives there are in your community and if you can't find the thing you're looking for you can start a group yourself or look online and join a national or state-wide cause that you care about, like pushing the legislature to support access to abortions.
Giving up the radfem community doesn't mean giving up feminism, and this is a good opportunity for you to take a look at your own time, your values, and think about how you can take this chance to start working to be a more effective feminist. Not everyone has to be an activist, but if you want to be one, think about how you can start doing good in a way that will actually affect people in a positive way.
I've also often been involved in doing events like conferences and workshops and panels IRL from my time in high school to the present day to try and educate folks on the community, but I also know that sometimes you need to take a step back and prioritize yourself. If you think you're not ready to jump into making change that's also okay. Just join something. A soccer team, a book club, anything hobby-related, to have something else to do and talk about and think about and stay tethered to feeling part of something.
Remember, it's okay to grow and change. You're not betraying anyone by being true to yourself. It's a courageous step to admit when your views have changed, and it's an integral part of personal growth. Be kind to yourself during this process.
Whether or not you end up identify as trans, you still will be doing the right thing by separating yourself from that community. I know it may be difficult because they were a place where you felt supported and part of a movement, but I really believe that you're taking steps in the right direction by letting go of that ideology and just living your life!
Followers, if you have any experiences unlearning toxic beliefs please reply with your advice for anon!
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