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livingecho-arch · 2 years

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⚜ ・ like a shadow : i am and i am not . — MODERN VERSE !

tw : conversion therapy ( transphobia / homophobia , religious trauma , physical abuse ) , fucking BEAU AGAIN ( so emotional abuse , drug abuse ) , suicide attempt .

vadik ( vahymn ) was raised with six other brothers . so when his wife , edith , wanted a child ⸻ he was tense . in the past he had thought about children but due to both his own childhood & mental illness he believed he would never have any . he pushed those feelings into work . vadik worked tirelessly into his coding until it bore fruit . a program named V.A.H.Y.M.N that could see or find anything you wanted - through almost any firewall . his program gained him a good paying job , a wife & well . . . apparently a child came anyway .

vissarion von hellbert is born on a cold winter day in moscow , russia to his mother & father . neither of them were very loving but they were not cold . simply plain . punished him when he got in trouble , praised when he did well & took him to church often . they put him into private , high end schools where he would grow well ⸻ he has his father mind . able to soak up anything told to him & build on it . improve it ! vis was a quiet kid , never really speaking put but he simply liked listening . everything was fine .

until he dared to express himself .

vis softly asked if he could grow his hair out at the age of seven . they allowed it . he asks for some jewelry ⸺ pretty like his mothers at the age eleven . they bought him something masculine for his birthday . at age fourteen he cries & cries & cries as facial hairs starts to grow . his father tries to help but doesn’t understand so he asks : ❛ why are you crying , my little whale ? you’re becoming a fine young man . ❜ & vis screams out : I AM NOT A MAN !

vadik hugs his child tightly & tells him not to tell a soul . . . but his mother heard already & sends vis to ❛ therapy ❜ .

vis takes the therapy , thinking it was honest . he did have confusing ideas & troubles fitting in at school . the questions come & they only confuse him , but vis answers honestly ( ❛ i never felt like a man but i don't feel like a woman . i am adam before the creation of eve . i guess men are attractive but i don’t care for any of that - i don’t even like woman ! ❜ ) they cherry pick bible verses at him . so he cherry picks back ( ❛ jesus : blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven . jesus : A new command I give you : love one another . ) vis thinks himself smart ⸻ proud for standing up for himself . he was an honor student at one of the highest ranking schools in russia ! his father crafted perfect programs that can change the world ! he continues , thinking so highly of himself . he was untouchable .

until the abuse becomes physical .

he doesn’t talk about it .

vis returns home on his sixteenth birthday : he has been ❛ cured ❜ . . . but truly ? vis learned how to lie through his teeth . he learned how to use others for his benefit . cheat his way out : IT’S A DOG EAT DOG WORLD ! once home he simply returns to the role as before ; the quiet good boy who did his homework on time & listened to his parents . but during those two years his parents fought & fought . his father stopped taking his medication & his schizophrenia worsened . his coding became deranged . he thought he was a god . in his time he became to work with AIs & crafted the first V.Y.O.T.O.U.S ⸻ V.I.S ; named after his child . these AIs were wildly intelligent , able to do any task set out for it in milliseconds . from mathematical equations that stumped any other programs to security when paired with V.A.H.Y.M.N . companies & other countries governments became very interested in his work .

vadik divorces his wife , takes full custody of vis & they move to the americas .

vis never talks to his mother again . filled with fear he asks if he had to be a man here . his father says no & vis goes forward growing out his hair & buying dresses as he pleased . vis makes two friends in high school ; malachar & vanus . first time ever having friends ⸻ his father almost cries tears of joy when vis asks if they can come over . they plan to go to the same college when they graduate , all so excited for the future . once accepted ; vadik pays for an apartment for the three of them to stay at . vis decides to try to be more open - be more social but it’s hard at times . he gets invited to a college party & vis is practically glowing with joy ! he dresses up so nicely , all too much like an overly enthusiastic freshman .

& he meets vivian beaugraud . . . & he meets her again & again . she gives him drinks & pills that make his head spin so wonderful during her parties . she calls him beautiful & he melts in her arms . his friends tell him to slow down , don’t jump into the first person who shows you affection so quickly ! but vis doesn’t listen . he gives everything to her & they are married before the end of his second year .

vis graduates ( double major in business & teaching ?? idk i didnt go to cool leg ) & they move into a small house together . beau ends up dropping out & going to the police academy . oh , like a good husband he supports her , values her highly & makes sure the home is taken care of while she is gone . . . but he is his father’s child . sitting still would never work . vis takes up work as a professor while building his own business ( with his fathers help , he’s a practically a millionaire ) he begins to fund himself to build schools in places where there weren’t many options ⸻ he could easily fit in nicely to politics & dabbles in it every now & then . with this , they build a large house together & everything seems perfect . . . but his wife grows resentful . . .

beau ignores vis . he becomes desperate . she throws her parties with friends . they drink , they do drugs , sexual activities galore . frat parties like she used to do . vis grows more desperate ; almost completely ignored during these parties & in daily life by her ⸻ like he wasn’t real . it gets to the point where vis wonders if he actually wasn’t real . he begs for her attention & she gives it , but only at these parties . it kills himself inside but he obeys ; anything to stay in her good graces . beau dresses him up & parades him around . . . & all he does his smile . until he can’t anymore . tired & high he stumbles to their bedroom & writes a note in his pocket before attempting to take his own life .

vis is found before he could & is immediately placed into a psychiatric hospital ; where he spends a good year . during that year it was hard ⸻ he began to hallucinate , growing worse before he got better . his father & friends visited him when they could but he refused to leave his room when beau would show up . she would leave notes for him ; practically essays . for a while he would rip them up , not caring for what she had to say . until his friend malachar had his son & he was a god father . vis read the letters wondering if this . . . sin could be fixed . could they , too , have children ? should he ?

he returned home intome to meet his godson before his first birthday . vis loved that child more than anything in the world & beau saw that ⸻ she asked if he wanted one . oh so excited they tried & tried for years to have a child of their own ! soon enough they had a beautiful little girl : vivian von hellbert . ( still born with mermaid syndrome . vis refuses any surgery done to his new born & will have vivian decide when she's older )

they play the role of happy family for a while . but soon beau retreats back to her old ways : ignoring vis when he displeased her & even ignoring her child . . . vis could handle being the brunt of it , but he would NOT ALLOW HER HURT BY HER OWN MOTHER ! when vivian is three , vis files for divorce & fights for full custody of their daughter . he had collected evidence of her abusive ways through home security cameras , his journaling of events , beau’s own photos & paid her friends to testify anonymously . vis successfully gains full custody of his daughter . he refuses child support from her & also gets a restraining order . sadly , vis did not sign any prenuptial agreement as they married in such a blinding love & he was forced to give beau a large sum of his worth . it’s a small price to pay to keep vivian safe . money can be regrained . beau ends up spending & selling it anyway .

vis hires a full time nanny named clara to help care for his daughter . when vivian is seven , he asks if she would like her ❛ one and a half ❜ leg be removed in favor or two ❛ robot legs ❜ . she says yes & they go forward with getting her prosthetics . it takes her a year to fully heal & learn how to walk , but vis cries when he sees her run in their backyard for the first time .

vis is in his late thirties , early forties , clara is in her twenties & vivian is eight . beau is in her thirties , vadik is in his sixties & edith is also in her sixties .

random shit i like to think happened :

- when vivian was born , vis’ mother called to congratulate him . instead of saying thank you vis goes into heavy detail about how he’s slept with both men & woman , as well as making sure she knows his wife likes him in dresses . edith never calls again .

- vadik ends up going legally blind & has a nurse who stays with him . they visit vis & vivian often & likes to do little science projects with vivian :)

- vis had a wheelchair elevator installed in his house as well as also adjustments to help vivian feel like the more comfortable & independant . sometimes she still uses her wheelchair so vis makes sure those adjustments remain even after she gains her prosthetics . she has a tendency to forget to charge her legs so she gets stuck often .

#⚜ ・ like a shadow : i am and i am not . — MODERN VERSE !#( / lays on floor )

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angelsndragons · 3 years

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fjord’s feelings for caduceus changed in episodes 98-99

by which i mean, fjord finally realized how special and important he is to caduceus, which in turn set the tone of their relationship for the rest of the campaign. buckle up, this is a long one.

not when fjord threw away his sword and went to caduceus instead of jester. or when caduceus presented him with the star razor. or after the citadel fight when caduceus gave him his holy symbol. i think things changed for fjord in episode 98-99, when caduceus saved his life and removed the orb.

this is going to require some context.

because here’s the thing: fjord’s always looking for the price, waiting for the catch or other shoe to drop. people caring for him because of him with no strings attached is unprecedented. vandren and the world taught fjord that love is conditional, that only if you hide what others would find ugly and make yourself useful to them will they deign to give you a scrap of affection. i don’t think vandren did this maliciously, mind you, it was just part of his worldview and fjord’s life up to and beyond that point supported it. we can see that right up to the end of the show, where fjord is terrified that vandren didn’t remember him or that he didn’t mean nearly as much to the man as vandren did to him.

so we have fjord, who learned to don masks and hide his truest self, including his best and worst aspects. while fjord made the nein into a coherent group, into a force, a crew, a family, even, he still waited for that other shoe to drop. waited for the day that they would reject him because he was no longer useful or because he pushed them too far. you can see this waiting all over the early campaign; he’s not looking for an excuse like caleb to cut and run but he anticipates nearly all the moments that almost fractured the nein, in spite of that low wisdom score. while jester carried the guilt of not being able to save molly, fjord carried the guilt of not protecting the group in that crucial moment. travis confirmed on talks that fjord’s biggest fear when he lost his powers the first time was that he would no longer be useful and be kicked out of the group.

that’s why fjord damn near broke down at the end of 72. the nein, no questions asked, with their standard level of snark, accepted that he was going to be a liability and kept him around anyway. armed him anyway. declared that he was no liability and that they would help him along until he could help himself and them again. this unconditional acceptance caught fjord completely off guard. it always does, really. because caduceus had said for months, an out of game half a year, that he was looking to reforge the sword as a gift for fjord. he said this to fjord’s face. he did not change course when he learned that the sword was a legendary blade forged by acolytes of the wildmother and moonweaver. the blade was still meant for fjord, even if fjord was still chained to uk’otoa. fjord extends his love and protection to the nein but is still not convinced the reverse is true. he was starting to believe it but he wasn’t quite there yet.

caduceus has a high enough wisdom to understand that’s fjord’s hang up even if he doesn’t quite understand the reasoning behind it. that’s why he pulls fjord aside in ep 75 and tells him that he doesn’t have to choose the wildmother, that there are other gods and other ideas out there looking for a champion. fjord, who at this point considers wildmom his only option (travis says she’s the only one who’s shown the slightest interest in fjord and that’s why he’s gunning for her), is befuddled by caduceus and this whole talk, so much so the pair end up talking past each other for the next several episodes.

after fjord officially becomes a paladin, things between him and caduceus become fairly...unsettled compared to their previous interactions. they talk past each other more, they aren’t in sync enough to double team those social interactions they were just starting to get good at. things are just weird for a while. to me, that’s fjord waiting for the catch, waiting for caduceus to call in some favor or something like it. and he keeps getting confused when caduceus doesn’t. so he tries once or twice to follow in caduceus’ footsteps and do as he would instead. and it just makes things weirder. these two don’t have a moment together that doesn’t leave one of them confused or unsatisfied until ep 87, when caduceus gives fjord the holy symbol and inadvertently kicks off the next phase of their relationship. because here, caduceus tries to put them back on equal footing and fjord recognizes it. caduceus rejects framing their relationship as mentor/student and tells fjord he doesn’t need caduceus to give him answers. fjord is “well on his way.”

by defining what they aren’t, mentor/student, our two boys inadvertently ask the question, “so what are we?” honestly, it’s a question that the entire group grapples with in the 90s as they reintegrate yasha, as veth struggles with the question of changing back and whether she can stay with the nein, as beau tries to sacrifice herself for veth, as jester learns some uncomfortable truths about the traveler, as caduceus finds his family again. fjord and caduceus can easily define what they aren’t - not mentor/student, not brothers or cousins- but what they actually are stumps both of them.

their relationship doesn't look like any of their relationships with the others: beau is fjord's bro and first mate, caleb is fjord's complicated mirror and admiree, jester his crush and first person he learned to be vulnerable with, veth his antagonistic sibling. on caduceus' side, caleb is the one he looks to for a fellow project nerd and clear, unvarnished goals, beau and jester are the sisters caduceus misses, yasha the quiet beloved barbarian he understands better than the rest, and veth a mess he wants to help but can't. but fjord and caduceus' relationship is highly undefined at this point. notably undefined, beyond their newly shared connection to melora. at the dinner with essek, we get the stone bomb. and travis and fjord panic. like no, seriously, they spend the next four episodes low key panicking over this revelation. this ties back to fjord waiting for those other shoes to drop but it’s also more than that.

when it comes to destiny, fjord has always been the answer, the self made man, to both caduceus and caleb’s questions about destiny. he makes choices about who he is, who he wants to be, and takes actions towards those goals. he is one of those rare people who can wear many different masks, take on many different roles, while still maintaining his sense of self and becoming a fuller version of who he is. when I say fjord is the answer to destiny, what i mean is that he is what ioun said way back in c1 about Fate: mortals make choices and through those choices, destiny is fulfilled. he is the answer to caduceus' own growth from passive instrument waiting for someone to play him to active communicator in this conversation between gods and mortals. in this sense, fjord is what caduceus learns to be (this is exactly why caduceus rejects a mentor role; he has as much to learn from fjord as vice versa).

so for this coincidence to pop up, this idea that maybe fjord only had the illusion of choice to extend his service to the wildmother, that maybe somehow he was manipulated again, that there was some grand destiny pushing things and fjord had no say in it, yeah, i can see why fjord was low-key terrified. so is this what fjord and caduceus are: just some predestined grand fairy tale partnership neither of them have that much say in? episode 96 resoundingly rejects that label too. for one thing, none of the stones or clays treat fjord's last name as anything amazing or spectacular. for another, this string of episodes gives us caduceus at his most human. the terror of not knowing what happened to his family, the uncertainty of his homecoming, the relief of saving his family and home, the irritation at the way the chaos crew treats the temple, the playful attitude caduceus cultivates after, it's all on display. caduceus drops much of his placid exterior and willingly allows the nein to see sheer depth of emotion he has.

which leads me back to episode 98-99. uk’otoa’s agents come for fjord. and caduceus is pissed. travis and ashley both said on talks that they hadn’t really seen taliesin that pissed, that it was like someone had threatened an actual loved one of his. fjord dies. and comes back to an exhausted, still pissed off firbolg who is five seconds away from snapping archmage vess derogna’s head off for interrupting his prayer of healing. taliesin doesn’t even begin to relax until they start interrogating the dead fish people the next day. once caduceus confirms the ball is still in fjord, notably caduceus and caleb were the two who remembered, fjord starts asking for a way to remove it. he asks caduceus to start a commune with wildmom in tandem with jester’s commune with the traveler. caleb tells fjord that caduceus fought “very hard for you while you were down, i don’t know if he’s up to it.” having heard that, caduceus still tries, with his first divine intervention attempt of the campaign. and when jester figures out that greater restoration will work, caduceus pushes through his exhaustion, takes charge, and goes through a truly terrifying greater restoration with fjord to remove the ball. convulsing, seizing, shuddering, collapsing, etc.

in those moments, and in the quiet after when fjord confirms that he still has his powers, it finally hits him that yes, people can protect, fight, and love him for who he is alone. there is no chain or other shoe waiting to be dropped here. the wildmother is no uk’otoa, to punish or take power at a whim. caduceus will fight with everything he has and then some for fjord because he loves him (not for nothing does fjord only realizes the depths of jester’s feelings when she uses heal on him). who are caduceus and fjord to each other? they are people who will fight for one another and the others as far as they can. fjord says over and over again that he wants to protect the nein and look out for them because he cares for them. he demonstrates it over and over again as well. caduceus says basically the same thing; he wants everyone safe and happily on their way and will stay until they are. he demonstrates this all the time as well. this is, i think, the first time that he demonstrates his dedication so unequivocally, free of the artifice of duty, fully committed through love. fjord recognizes this in caduceus and caduceus does in fjord.

i say this is a turning point because, while they don’t really have another super in depth conversation alone together, these two start clocking each other and openly help and look out for each other. there’s an ease and intimacy to the relationship after this. fjord watching caduceus swim near vokodo’s lair, fjord being ready to hand over his armor to caduceus when it looks like his won’t be ready, fjord, caduceus, and beau plotting behind jester’s back to keep her safe from the traveler, the absolute offense fjord takes to eadwulf after he spoke to caduceus like that, fjord levels up in paladin after caduceus tells him he’s proud to know him, all the way to the end of the show when fjord shelters the clerics and tells them to finish lucien, we get little moments like these from both of them. hell, caduceus is the first person in the campaign to tell fjord directly that he loves him.

#cr #critical role #cr meta #fjorclay #wildbros #fjord #caduceus clay #prim did theirs so i'm doing mine #in b4 the wrap-up #just barely #and ran out of steam at the end #i'll expand on that later #gotta finish my vm v m9 meta #and the cockroach party analysis

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futurewriter2000 · 3 years

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Dysfunctional - pt. 1

A/N: I'm just bored.

Growth is something only a little amount of people know about. Nobody truly wants to grow but they do, whether they choose to or not, through time they change.

And so as a bad man finds a bible, a good woman finds her power.

Who were you in the eyes of most people? - A question that always floated in the back of your mind. Like a pebble in your shoe, the one you could never get rid of. It was the main question that bothered you all years through Hogwarts, up to a point where you pushed it so far down and completely transformed it.

Who are you in the eyes of yourself?

Foolish question that oddly worked wonders for you and your transformation. You change your mindset, you change yourself right? At least that's what all those Muggle books had been telling you.

All Hogwarts dug their interest in you all of a sudden but you haven't thought much about it. For you, it was as if nothing had changed. You thought you didn't interest anybody and that was what made you keep yourself on the right path to focus on you and the little moments life has to offer.

"I can't believe that's her." Sirius leaned over, staring and smiling.

"Wave a whole banner, don't you." Remus retorded, rolling his eyes.

"If only she wasn't a Slytherin- by the way, how could she had got sorted into Slytherin. Since our interactions had always been so... civil and well... she posed no threat what-so-ever. I'd always imagined her being in a Hufflepuff." James added, meanwhile Sirius sat down and grabbed himself a toast.

"She lives not far from us." started Peter and all eyes turned to him. "(Y/n)." he felt the need to clarify. "I had heard loads of shouting in her house... since we lived there, everybody knew her family situation."

"Rich and spoiled?" Sirius rolled his eyes, taking another bite in his toast.

"Rich and... strict... very strict father and mother..." Peter mumbled, looking at his bread.

"Oh, that's right. Met her father once- loud old sod." James looked back, looking at you laughing with some of other Slytherins- the bad kind that caused his heart to be swallowed by his stomach. "Always so angry..." he continued, looking at you until your eyes met and he quickly turned away.

"She's got nice hair." said Sirius as all of them furrowed their eyebrows at him. "It's just an observation." he shrugged.

---

You had been starting to hang out a lot with the wrong crowd of Hogwarts. Everybody started to notice... everybody started to say they were corrupting you and the changes they noticed were quite massive.

You started talking back to the teachers. Something you have never thought of doing, since your shyness was a large part of your childhood personality. But that was just it... you weren't a child anymore, were you?

You were going out of the classroom when somebody rushed right into you, spilling the coffee in your hand all over you and your books.

The boy's eyes widened as he continued to look at the stains that were starting to show all over your uniform.

"I am so sorry, (Y/N). I swear, I didn't mean to- I just- you appeared out of nowhere-" James started to apologize. You were only staring down, staring at him, then back down and just as James was preparing to be yelled at, hexed at or cursed at you let out a laugh.

"Well hell..." you smiled up at him. "Finally a reason to get a new robe." you let out another laugh, meanwhile James only stood there.

"You're not... mad?"

"Well, being mad wouldn't really do us much favour, would it now?" you picked up your books that weren't that much damaged as you thought they'd be. "Shame for the coffee tho. Can't really function without it."

"Coffee?" he repeated. "You're mad about the coffee?" he started to feel a bit relieved.

"I don't joke about coffee, Potter. You should know that." you wiped the books with the sleeves of your uniform. You started to take off the robe so that you would only stand there in front of him with your shirt, tie and skirt. Only then James started to realise how much your body has changed since the last time he had seen you. Your breast, specifically, where he could see your finely shaped lace bra through the coffee stain. He felt his cheeks go red, radiating through his faint freckles and you couldn't help yourself but to smile.

"I'm so sorr- rry." he muttered again, taking off his robe and offering it to you. "Here. Take it."

"Oh, nice. A Gryffindor robe." you took it and wrapped it around yourself. "Though, I always imagined stealing it." you winked and he let out a laugh.

"Would fit your house perfectly."

"Theft?" you questioned. "No. Not a trait for Slytherins."

"No?" he grinned, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back. "If it's not their trait, then whose is?"

"Mine." you winked again, grabbing the bag from the floor as James grabbed your books. "Now, imagine a Slytherin coming into the common room with a Gryffindor robe. God, I'd piss them all off."

James started to laugh. "You hate your own house?"

"Oh, God no." you let out a laugh as you started to walk beside him and notice him looking at you, observing you. "I just find this house thing rivalry real funny." you said, finding him still staring. You stopped and turned around. "What are you staring at Potter?"

"You, clearly." he pointed out bluntly. "It suits you so much better than me and it clearly doesn't even fit you."

You started to laugh. "Well, don't get jealous over it. I'll give it back to you when we reach the dungeons."

"Oh, you can give it back later?"

"Why?"

"Because you can see everything through the stains. Why do you think I offered it to you? Plus, you said you wanted to piss off Slytherins and I'd like to piss of Slytherins as well."

"A common interest."

"Exactly."

"Though, I think they'll live, knowing I wear a bra and that I have... a body. Maybe they'll finally stop thinking I'm half mermaid or something." you started to joke and so did James. "If I really wanted to piss them off, I'd use a tie because a robe looks like any other robe, really."

James was the one that stopped now, shoving the books he held into your arms and untying his tie.

"No way, you're doing that. I was joking."

"I'm not." he smiled with his teeth and pulled it over his head. He untied yours and pulled it over yours, exchanging it for his own, Gryffindor tie. "Tell me how it goes. " he said just before he left, lifting your tie in his fist. "I'll keep on to this- just in case I don't get mine back.

"Alrighty!" you shouted after him.

---

It wasn't until the next day when James was drowsily eating his breakfast before his practice. You came from behind and scared him half to death. His toast flew from his hand and all eyes flew to the two of you. You squeezed between him and the red-head, completely dismissing her presence as you gave James a cheeky smile.

"Want to know?"

"You made my toast fly away." he siad drowsily.

"And you made my coffee make love to the floor. Now do you want to know?"

"How are you so chirp this morning? It's not even seven?"

"Got up at 2am. Had like two coffees since then. Anyway. Do you want to know?"

"Two in the morning? Hell, why did you get up so early- that's not even early... that's like late. And yeah, I do want to know." he started t wake up to the news.

"Been studying all week at night and now I sleep in the noon and am awake in the night. Fun." you chirped.

"Okay- tell me what happened?"

"The looks- oh, my God, you should have been there when I walked it. It was like I murdered their entire family."

"No-" he let out a laugh.

"Mulciber came to me." you started to talk in a more drama-spilling tone and James got excited.

"I thought the two of you were like friends."

"Us? Maybe in another dimension but like-

' *flashback*

"What the hell are you wearing?" he stomped to you and grabbed you by your tie, to which you shoved away in a second.

"Haven't you seen this new trend? I think it goes with- you are what you eat." you started to tease, turning around like a fashion model as you placed your hands on your hips. "Or in this case, you wear what you eat and I eat coffee every day, any day." you winked.

"And the tie?"

"You like?" you continued, seeing the little jealousy burn in his eyes, except you knew far well it wasn't jealousy. It was possessiveness and you'd rather go to hell than be anybody's property. "It's from my new beau." you fanned yourself, wrapping yourself in his robe and peeking through it. "A prince on white horse came to me today-"

"Be serious, (y/n)."

"I am dead serious." you pouted playfully. "He rushed on his horse and knocked me down, spilled my poor coffee all over me. It was like love at first sight. He scooped me into his arms and said 'Oh, dear! How could I have hurt this beautiful creature.-"

"You really didn't say that?" James interrupted the story telling, laughing as the other's who were surrounding you laughed with you.

"I did. Now let me go back."

- "He didn't say that!" Mulciber rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you're shagging a Gryffindor?"

"I'm not." you started to get more serious. "And if I would be, would it be such a bad thing doing one? I mean, you only live once, why would it be wrong not taking a taste of all four cakes." you teased again, causing him to grow redder in his pale skin.

"You stole it."

"It was pleasantly exchanged."

"Exchanged?"

"A tie for a tie." you smiled.

"Why don't we go, eye for an eye?"

"Because nobody wants to give their eye, silly." you continued.

"You really annoy me, you know."

"I do and I really do not care. I only want to go to my room and take a nap."

"I will find out, you know!"

"I don't care!"

"Who was it?!"

"Dumbledore!"

*end of fashback*

"You're crazy." James continued to laugh.

"A little dysfunctional but not crazy." you winked and got up.

"And my things?"

"Do you got mine?"

"No, I didn't think I'd see you this early."

"Well then... guess they are mine now." you leaned forward, an inch apart as both of you continued to grin at each other, not another word spoken. You didn't dare to look anywhere else than his hazel eyes, such a wonderful mixture of green, brown and yellow. It amazes you how somebody can have such a wonderful eye colour. He didn't even only have one colour but three. "Pretty." you said, still smiling and pulled away, jumping back on your feet as he turned to you, smiling.

"Wait!" Sirius spoke before you could leave. "When did... when did you become best friends?"

"We didn't." James answered and you looked down at him, raising an eyebrow and feeling amused.

"No. We just made blood bond nobody else could break." you spoke mysteriously, putting your elbows on James' shoulders and placing your head on top of his, staring at Sirius. "And now we will secretly plan the end of the world. Muahahah." you joked, standing back up as the others laughed. "See you later Potts." and with that you were gone as the other watched you.

"What... just happened?" Remus started laughing, amazed.

"They made a blood bond." Sirius pointed his finger at you disappearing.

James started laughing. "Maybe now I can ask her about what she does with her hair for you." James got up and winked at Sirius.

"Oh, would you? I really want to know." Sirius stood up and started to walk behind him. "Just... say it's for Lily or something."

James started laughing again, then realising. "Oh, shit!" he turned around, searching for the red-head that was sitting beside him. "She was telling me something when (y/n) appeared. I totally forgot about her."

Sirius started laughing loudly, tapping James' shoulder. "Good luck getting her attention now."

#james potter #james potter x reader #james potter imagines #sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black imagines #sirius black imagine #james potter imagine #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin imagines #remus lupin x reader #marauders #marauders imagine #marauders imagines #marauders x reader #marauders era

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tsumtsumland · 3 years

Text

𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝕒𝕚𝕜𝕪𝕦𝕦 𝕓𝕠𝕪𝕤 𝕨𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕠𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 ℍ𝕠𝕟𝕖𝕪𝕞𝕠𝕠𝕟.

ft. Miya Atsumu, Miya Osamu, Kuroo Tetsurou, Oikawa Tooru, Ojiro Aran, Akaashi Keiji, Sakusa Kiyoomi & Suna Rintarou.

❥ Miya Atsumu - The Maldives! Sunshine boy takes you on a sunny trip, a little cliché but so worth it. Crystal clear waters, a private bungalow over the water, just you and him in your own little world? Perfection. He’s going to be all over you most of the time, and are you complaining? Absolutely not. You two do make them for other activities though, I see Atsumu as a super active person so definitely snorkeling, surfing and sailing are on the list. Then wind down with lazing around in a hammock in the middle of the ocean, couples massages at the underwater spa, candle lit dinners on the beach, chilling in the private infinity pool in your bungalow, and just fully enjoying your time with each other. Your honeymoon is the definition of fun and relaxation, and resident exhibitionist Atsumu somehow convinced you to shower naked with him in the private outdoor shower of your bungalow... you’re starting to see the appeal now ;)

❥ Miya Osamu - Taiwan. One word...FOOD. Taiwan’s got an amazing array of food that Osamu would love to try with you, from street food to fine dining. With some of the best night markets in the region (and you know Asia’s got the good night markets), you’ll be full and satiated...in more ways than one ;) Of course it’s your honeymoon so you’re gonna be staying at a hotel with a view of Taipei 101. He takes you on a day trip to Kaohsiung just to walk around Love River, and to see Lotus Pond! Then another trip to Wulai to soak in the hot springs with a view of the waterfalls. Your man goes all out to make the trip memorable and romantic, he spares no expense when it comes to making you happy.

❥ Oikawa Tooru - Cappadocia. One of the most beautiful places on earth. I always see Oikawa as a traveler, someone in search of new adventures and trying new things, he’s also someone that wants to make an impression, especially on his beloved. Capadoccia is like something out of a modern day fairytale. I’m sure you’ve all seen those hot air balloon photos, and yeah, you guys definitely do that...for the gram, and the memories <3 You both switch off for the trip and just enjoy each other, and the beauty your destination has to offer, open air museums, camel rides (he definitely falls off his camel) , atv rides, the FAIRY CHIMNEYS! He probably begs you to go on a hike with him because he’s so used to doing them in Argentina for fun, and when you give in you don’t regret it because it leads to you to one of the most beautiful sunsets with the love of your life...

❥ Ojiro Aran - The Netherlands. I know, it’s not the first place one would think of for a honeymoon but you and Aran can’t think of a lovelier place to wind down after all the stress of planning and having your wedding. Your days are filled with exploring gorgeous Amsterdam, cruising through the canals on a private boat, long walks or bike rides together through the scenic city, and eating some of the most delicious food you’ve ever had. Aran can’t help it but take tons of photos of you when you visit Keukenhof Gardens, the tulips are in bloom, and he is reminded of why he’s absolutely smitten with you as he watches you walk through them. He takes a page out of Atsumu’s book and makes a cheesy joke about you being more beautiful than any flower, and he actually means it. He indulges you on a trip to the Van Gogh Museum, and he actually really loves it. You both leave with a stunning replica of “Almond Blossom,” because it reminded him so much of the cherry blossoms at home.

❥ Akaashi Keiji - Denmark. Another not-so-popular honeymoon destination, but it’s perfect for you and Akaashi, after all it is the home of one of the most famous fairytale authors, Hans Christian Andersen. You both spend your days touring castles in Copenhagen, and taking romantic boat rides through the canals (Europe loves these doesn’t it?), visiting Andersen’s hometown, relaxing at picturesque cafés and reading, visiting the lovely medieval village of Ribe, and taking all the aesthetic couple photos! And of course, exploring the stunning Tivoli Gardens. It’s quiet, quaint, and charming, much like your beau <3 and it’s the perfect destination for your fairytale getaway.

❥ Sakusa Kiyoomi - Prague, Czech Republic, a city of unparalleled beauty and elegance, just like your suave companion. You both honeymoon in the down season, where the crowds are less. I truly believe Kiyoomi is a romantic, and he definitely believes in the age-old rumor that a kiss in front of the statue of the romantic poet Karel Macha in the Petřín Hill Park on May Day will make your love eternal, so that’s how you start your first day in Prague after breakfast <3 there’s also the rumor that couples who kiss under a blossoming cherry tree on that day will last forever. So you guessed it, you both spend the entirety of your first day in Prague, on the hunt for said blossoming cherry tree. He makes up for it with a scorching kiss that leaves you tingling from the tips of your toes all the way to your ears when you do find your tree. Your time in Prague is spent going to an opera, romantic dinners every.single.day, putting your love lock on one of the many bridges, cruising on the canals, and to avoid all the crowds, a visit to Prague Castle before the sun rises to enjoy a magical stroll around the squares and courtyards as warmth paints the sky.

❥ Kuroo Tetsurou - New York...to be young and in love in New York City~ listen, I know New York isn’t your typical honeymoon destination but it just suits Kuroo so well! There’s so much to do! Can you imagine how fancy he’d be at all times? Especially in fall/winter fashion! Yeah, so we’re going with that. You guys go to Broadway, ice skating at Rockefeller in front of the big tree, stay at the Plaza cause it’s iconic, he gives you flowers at the top of the Empire State (like chuck and blair 😭 I miss gossip girl), eat good pizza in Little Italy, eat all the things at Chelsea Market, take walks around Central Park, have coffee at Ralph Lauren’s, and Breakfast at Tiffany’s Blue Box Café! It would be the most amazing honeymoon, with Mr. Fancy himself.

❥ Suna Rintarou - South Korea. Seoul is easily one of the most instagrammable places in the world, need I say more? You and Suna spend most of your time doing the absolute most at places like the TrickEye Museum, 2D café, Lotte World, giant library at Starfield Mall, and yeah, you two rent those Hanboks when you visit Gyeongbokgung Palace (Suna is mortified but does it to make you happy anyway). You two have pictures of everything, so many pictures. Who said being married had to be boring? You two hit up the clubs in Itaewon, and act like the horny teens you are on the inside, well he legit just sits in the booth while you give him a lap dance. Also, a nighttime visit to Namsan Seoul Tower to see the stunning views of the city, and to put your love lock on the observation deck with thousands of others. Suna tells you it’s lame but he literally had a special heart-shaped lock made for you both with your names engraved onto it <3 who’s the lame one now, Sunarin?

Thank you to @honeybunny-sawamura for letting me badger her with these hcs💕💝

Also do tell me who you guys want to see next!

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

Note

what if the shining swan twins (that’s what I’m choosing to call the au where the twins are basically the same person) get stuck in a loop from The James Incident to The Jasper Incident

Anon is referring to this infamous post, in which Bella has an identical twin brother and things get twincesty.

You guys sure like your time loops.

But alright, Bella and Beau are looping from the end of the James fiasco to the infamous birthday bash.

Loop 1

I'm assuming that The Jasper Incident is not so much the family leaving, which occurred a few days later, as just the night of the birthday itself.

In canon, Edward throws a fit, Carlisle explains Edward's religious beliefs and why he won't turn Bella, and then Bella goes home. It's a shitty day, bit it's not the sucker punch that a few days later brings when Edward goes, "We're suddenly leaving, k bai."

Bella knew something was wrong but it did not occur to her that Edward would suddenly leave her behind.

Given this world, much the same events probably occur. Bella and or Beau gets a papercut, one or both are thrown into a glass table, Edward throws a fit, and Carlisle explains Edward's religious beliefs.

Edward does not leave them that very night.

So, after the first loop, Bella and Beau find themselves back in the hospital, right after the James fiasco. At first, they assume that Carlisle carted them to a hospital for bloodloss or something they don't remember after the birthday party, but it becomes clear fairly quickly that they're in Arizona and this is a few months ago.

Bella and Beau wonder if they join hallucinated the summer. It's entirely possible, and that makes a little more sense than sudden time travel.

So they shrug and have a very merry summer with Edward and Alice.

The birthday party comes up and... this time Bella and Beau put their feet down. They use their usual excuse: they only celebrate their joint birthday with each other. Family tradition, even Renee wasn't invited (Renee, in truth, usually forgot their birthday and so they ended up making their own damn cake and having their own damn party).

Edward finds this weird, of course, and begs them to reconsider. Please, Alice is dying to throw you a party and has already bought the decorations.

No can do, Edward, the twins say. You all would just be in the way and things would get weird. Also, one of us might get a papercut and you'd throw us into a table.

Edward swears that this would never happen, he would never throw them into a table! Bella and Beau just stare.

They have birthday with themselves, cake, and none of the Cullens are invited.

Loop 2

Bella and Beau wake up back in the hospital. It seems they... join hallucinated again. Weird.

Bella and Beau start to wonder if any of this, since the start of the year, has been actually happening. The vampires that aren't really vampire things does seem a bit much at times.

They have a deep philosophical talk about the nature of reality and what they should do if, in fact, this is a false reality.

Bella and Beau decide that it's in their best interests to act as if this is, in fact, reality as that's all we humans ever do. No one has any guarantees that the universe they exist in is in any way real, yet we all act as if it is regardless. Why should it change for Bella and Beau even if the universe now seems confined to the summer.

Bella and Beau endeavor to enjoy their summer with Alice and Edward and once again skip their own birthday party.

Loop 3

Bella and Beau wake up back in the hospital. They realize that this... may be forever. They decide that, as much as they love Edward (and they do), they can't spend eternity bumming around Forks. They should get out and see the world.

They tell Edward they're going backpacking in Europe for the summer (on their own pitiful dime, of course, and staying in youth hostels). Edward is aghast and insist he a) come b) pay for everything.

So they go to Europe, with Edward, and... Edward's very clearly a third wheel and dragging them down. Oh, Edward says it's fine for them to go touring during the day without him, but it's very clearly not fine when they get back home after a day of travelling and he's Very Upset (TM). Making this worse is that Edward asks them all about how their day was then refuses to hear it because he wasn't there for any of it with them. Edward also makes them stay in these entirely too fancy hotels where they feel very out of place and uncomfortable.

Edward also won't let them go anywhere he considers 'dangerous', which given his paranoia, is pretty much anywhere. He forbids them from seeing Buckingham Palace: too many crowds.

Edward is... overbearing and annoying, Bella and Beau suddenly realize. Perfection, of course, but for the moment he's just kind of in the way and the twins are having an awful time.

They return for the start of school and much less politely refuse to attend the Cullen birthday party in their honor.

Loop 4

The twins set off to travel again, only this time, they're explicitly not inviting Edward. Oh, they'll call every day, but Edward can't come. At all.

Edward is furious and throws many a fit. Bella and Beau leave anyway. He buys them cellphones, puts them on an international call plan, and proceeds to fill both of their voicemails every single day. He wants calls every five minutes checking in to see that they're safe and okay.

As it is, he also books a flight to Europe to spy on them from the shadows, cursing the sunlight that leaves him sometimes trapped in hotels.

Bella and Beau can't even. They still love Edward, of course, but... they cool on him just a little bit.

Loop N

As the loops progress, and the twins try to do anything but bum around Forks, it becomes increasingly clear that Edward's controlling and overprotective.

He never lets them do anything that doesn't involve him, if it somehow doesn't involve him then he goes and invites himself or stalks them anyway, and he's a passive aggressive fuck.

Bella and Beau sit down and have a talk: they had forgotten how annoying Edward was.

Oh, sure, they have dim memories of his creepiness in Biology those first few classes, but they'd waved those away with time and everything that had happened.

Now it's coming back in full force.

They decide to spend one loop having an intervention: as long as it takes. They're going to work out their relationship with Edward and figure out a way to get him to back off.

It doesn't work.

It, in fact, only seems to make Edward worse. Much worse, he goes from obnoxious to full on terrifying. And knowing these two, one or both of them get eaten.

The pair then have the loop where sit down to seriously discuss what they're going to do about Edward. Does Bella keep dating him or... Do they need to stop this?

They try having Bella break up with him. This goes even worse. Edward keeps weirdly repeating himself saying he'll leave the moment they tell him to, but when they tell him to leave, he tells them that they don't really mean that.

If Edward was stalking them before now he's really stalking them, and never leaves them alone in desperation to get back into their good graces, not understanding what's changed between the three of them.

Something horrible probably happens.

The twins, eventually, fall out of love with Edward but it does no good. They're stuck in this loop, and as they've found out, it's much easier to play along with Edward, stay in Forks, and have a fun filled summer than it is to go anywhere or do anything else.

The twins resign themselves to the same summer over, and over, and over again.

Edward thinks this is great.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #beauford swan #bella swan #edward cullen #anti edward cullen #meta #headcanon #opinion

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thetfchangingroom · 4 years

Text

Oh, What a Beau-tiful Morning

Wake up, sleepy head.

Long night, huh? I bet you had a lot of really weird dreams. Let me guess: you dreamt that your soul was leaving your body. You dreamt that you were staring down at yourself from above, a bird’s eye view of your own bed. You, still silently asleep under the covers below.

Tell me: in this dream, were you flying? Miles above the earth, hurtling towards a small, one bedroom apartment somewhere on the west coast? It was probably a vivid dream. So vivid, in fact, that it almost seemed real...

Well c’mon then, wake up! You’re not dreaming anymore, I can promise you that. Open up those glassy eyes and take in the bright, morning sun. You’ve got a big day ahead of you.

Notice anything weird? Maybe your bed sheets are a little softer, or the sun is a little brighter. It won’t be long before you notice something is really off. Those aren’t your curtains, aren’t they? That’s not your window, and that’s certainly not the view you wake up to every morning.

Look around: does this look like your bedroom to you? I didn’t think so. There’s no way you could afford an apartment this nice (or keep it this clean). You must be asking yourself right now... what the fuck is going on?

But your bedroom isn’t the only thing that’s different. I take it you’ve noticed that cool breeze on your chest. You don’t sleep naked very often, do you?

Welp, I’d say you’re pretty naked right now. Go on, take a look! Nothing to be ashamed of.

Ah, now you’re starting to figure it out: this isn’t your body either.

I mean, it might be... assuming you put on 35 pounds of solid muscle mass over the last 12 hours. It’s not impossible; there are some pretty powerful supplements you can take now-a-days. But I don’t believe any of them are powerful enough to add an extra inch or two to your dick, and I think we can both agree that the morning wood you’re rocking down under that 6-pack is much, much bigger than it was when you went to bed last night.

BUZZZZZ. Sounds like someone’s trying to call you. What, is that not what your ringtone sounds like? You mean to say that’s not even your phone?

Well, it’s on YOUR bedside table, in YOUR bedroom. It must be YOUR phone. C’mon, pick up! It’s not like anyone else is gonna get it.

“YOU MOTHERFUCKER” screams your voice on the other line, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BODY?”

It might take you a few seconds to fully process what’s going on. Don’t worry, take your time. I think your old body is gonna do most of the talking anyway.

“I swear to christ, once I find out where the fuck I even am, I’m going to find you and you’re going to GIVE ME MY FUCKING BODY BACK.”

“I... who is thi—?“

But your old voice interrupts: “don’t do ANYTHING in my body, you freak. If I find so much as a scratch, I will FUCKING END YOU!” And with that, the line goes dead.

Whew! That was a bit of an adventure now, wasn’t it? Who was that, you ask? Why that was Beau Mirchoff, of course. You just woke up in his body, and he just woke up in yours!

Yeah yeah, I know you didn’t “ask” for this (he certainly didn’t), but I was feeling a little generous, and more than a little spontaneous. Beau was blessed with such a hunky figure, so I figured I’d let some lucky guy take it for a spin.

Besides, the spell only lasts 24 hours; when you wake up tomorrow morning, you’ll be back in your bed half-way across the globe, and Beau will be back in his body as if nothing ever happened.

So... what are you waiting for? That erection ain’t gonna take care of itself. Why not explore Beau while you have the chance?

Yeah, that’s right. Feel that nice, furry chest. Beau is pretty bad about shaving, so he’s got a lot of unkempt body hair. It can be pretty hit-or-miss with the chicks, but it makes worshiping your muscles such a deep, sensual experience.

I can see you shivering a bit as you run those hands down his abs and through his pubes. Every hair is so sensitive, every inch of skin cool to the warm touch of your hand.

Go on, grab his cock. I know you want to feel what it’s like in your hand. Play around with it a bit, get used to the weight of it between your fingers.

Heavy, am I right? Beau’s got a hell of a dick, and he loves to give it a stroke every morning when he gets up. That’s why you’re so hard right now: it’s almost as if his body knows what’s “cumming,” per sea.

As if his body wants you to jerk off.

Hmm... yeah man, stroke that fat fucking dick. You’re so horny right now, you’ve got Beau’s body sweating straight through those expensive sheets.

Close your eyes. Smell that hefty, morning musk. Flex that bicep and give it a lick. See what a real man tastes like.

Enjoying yourself? I’m not surprised, really. Just wait until you get close, and start to feel those muscles tense and that body flood with endorphins...

... But not just yet. You wanna “milk” this experience for all its worth. So why not slow down a little, maybe imagine what it’s gonna be like to fuck someone in this body.

You’re gay, right? Perfect: guys in this town are clamoring to get a closer look at Beau’s beautiful muscles. But today, they actually can. Imagine taking your pick of all the sexy, SoCal muscle gays. Inviting them over, one-by-one to service your hairy, super-star bod.

That turning you on? Fuck yeah... now imagine bending them over this bed, spreading their legs and giving them a taste of that Beau-tiful beer-can cock. You can hear them moaning already. Desperate, quivering voices begging to be fucked. Over and over.

All fucking day.

“Fuuuuuuck.”

Everything is so hot, so wet, so ripe. The sweat practically evaporates off of your skin as you near climax. A prickling fire starts at your toes and creeps up through your entire body, igniting every molecule and forcing you to tense up. This is it. The moment you’ve been waiting for.

You pick up speed, tugging on Beau’s dick with all your might. Blood rushes to your head. You see stars through the cracks of your eyelids. Everything goes numb, and suddenly...

Torrents of cum drench Beau’s furry pecs. You wriggle and writhe on the bed as if possessed by the very spirit of pleasure itself. Have you ever experienced an orgasm like that? I didn’t think so.

And the best part: it won’t be the last one. The sun is just rising, dude! Those fantasies you were having are about to become a reality. Of course, you might wanna clean up a little first. You don’t wanna walk around with dried cum on your chest all day, do you?

Now, Beau usually starts off his day by going for a run in the canyon. I know you don’t exercise a whole lot in your real body, but I guarantee working out in this one will be ten times easier. Besides, running is a great way to show off those muscles, and there are plenty of guys along your route who’d be more than happy to stop and do some extra “cardio” with you... if you catch my drift.

But I won’t keep you any longer. Like I said, you’ve got a big day ahead of you, and I’m sure you wanna enjoy every second of it.

Have fun!

#male transformation #transformation #tf #body sawp #male body swap #beau mirchoff #celebrity #celebrity transformations #celebrity tf

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httpnxtt · 3 years

Text

Meowstermind - Prentiss x Reader

A/N: Hello Lovelies!! I’m back with a new fic! This time it is for our girl Emily! I wrote this for my bby @lexieshuntingsstuff for the latest Secret-Fic-Swap in Pom’s discord server! Big thankies to @imagining-in-the-margins and @sunlight-moonrise for helping me plan this and make it what it is today!

Emily Prentiss x Reader

Category: Angst/Fluff

Warnings: Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 2k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Staring at the black luggage atop the once shared bed, I reach for the small pile of sweaters. A small black paw reaches to swat at me, the pile tumbling from my hand and onto the bed. Sergio looks at me with his big green eyes before curling himself atop the once neat pile. I nudge him to the side, trying to push through the packing. Sergio is a stubborn little guy, instead leaping into the luggage as if to tell me no. Laughing through some tears, I pick up the beautiful little guy, nuzzling my face into his fur while his purrs vibrate through him.

“He really does love you.” Jumping in surprise from the voice in the doorway, I turn with Sergio to see Emily leaning in the doorway with tears in her own eyes. My throat tightens holding more tears back, opting to nuzzle back into the sweet boy in my arms. “You can keep your key, you know.” She whispers, coming toward me. Looking up at her, I see the heartbreak in her beautiful chocolate eyes staring back at me. I can’t tell if it’s actually her or if I’m projecting my own heartbreak onto her.

“Are you sure?” I ask, Sergio pawing at me to give him more attention.

“I’m rarely home anyway.” She says looking at the floor as I force a small laugh that ends up more of a nasally huff in agreement. “Sergio needs his human. Both of his humans.” She whispers, looking me in the eye. I feel the tears bubbling up, my throat tightening more. I turn back to my luggage, setting Sergio to the side of the case before Emily can see the tears fall.

“Thank you.” I breathe out, my voice cracking from the emotions involuntarily pouring out. Footsteps shuffle toward the door, a brief silence before I hear the door close as the tears fall freely down my face.

***

Stepping onto the elevator, I feel my heart plummet. Although it’s been weeks, I still think back to the time spent with Emily. The nights spent watching movies, the endless cuddles on the couch, and the whispered “I love you”s. As I step off the elevator, memories of Emily greeting me as the doors open come rushing back. The way she’d grab my hand, pull me towards her for an endless fit of kisses. The times we’d trip over our own feet fumbling down the hallway, giggles flowing through the short distance.

As the doors open, the hallway is no longer filled with giggles and kisses. A melancholy feel floats through the air now. A reminder of everything that once was. Shuffling down the hall, I dig my key out of my pocket as I approach the doorway. Stepping inside, I’m hit with a burning smell. Rushing over to the kitchen, Emily is pulling something out of the oven with a perplexed look etched into her features. She throws the pan down on the counter. Looking up, our eyes meet as she tosses the oven mitt atop the pan.

“H-hey, I wasn’t, uh, expecting you tonight.” She stuttered before smoothing her hands over the fabric of her dress. The dress.

“Yeah, I uh,” I cough, suppressing the emotions attempting to bubble up. “I came to see Sergio. I didn’t think you’d be here.” I say as Sergio makes himself known, meowing at Emily in the kitchen. She bends down to pick up the sweet feline before making her way over to me as I set my belongings on the counter. I reach up to pet him between his ears as his purrs ring between us. I feel Emily’s eyes on me, my gaze cast to the floor. I slowly look up, taking in the striking appearance of the woman in front of me. “Wow.” I whisper. My eyes linger on the dress. The one I bought her to wear for our first anniversary. The one she made sure to wear every anniversary after that. “You look beautifu-” I compliment, reaching for her before a loud knock at the door interrupts. Emily’s eyes widen, looking between the door and I before going to set Sergio down. I put my hand out to stop her. “Don’t worry, I can get it.” I smile, seeing a slight panic in her eyes before making my way over to the door.

My hand grasps the knob, swinging the door open towards me. “Hello beau-” the man is cut off, taking in my appearance. He’s an attractive man. An attractive man with flowers in his hands. An attractive man with flowers at Emily’s apartment.

“Uh, hi. Sorry. You’re looking for Emily. Come in.” I choke out, before moving from the doorway. I walk back to the counter, coming face to face with the wide-eyed woman staring at me.

“Y/N, I can exp-” Emily starts, setting Sergio down on the couch, reaching out. I snatch my bag from the counter before rushing toward the door. As I pull the door open, Sergio brushes against my ankles trying to stop me from leaving yet again. Looking down at the feline, a single tear slips down my cheek. Turning to Emily, I see her standing at the counter in our dress as Emily’s guest stands feet away with the bouquet still in his hands.

“Goodbye, Emily.”

***

Walking down the hallway, I force myself to stare at the door ahead. There’s no more reminiscing on what was, only what is. After the run-in with Emily’s date, I figured it was best to stay away for a while. But I missed that sweet feline something terrible. So, Emily and I agreed I could meet her when she wasn’t away on a case to pick up Sergio and take him to my new apartment for a few days before returning him. Essentially, we share custody of Sergio much like you would a human child.

Walking up to the door, I lift my fist to the door to knock. I still have my key, Emily insisted I keep it. It felt… wrong. Knowing that these four walls were no longer my home, no matter how much my heart longed to return. Emily was no longer mine, and I had to accept that. Emotions try to bubble up, but I force to suppress them as the door swings open to reveal an exasperated Emily on the other side.

“Y/N, hi. I was uh,” she stops, trying to catch her breath. “I was just trying to find Sergio but he seems to be avoiding me at all costs.” She breathes out as I see Sergio peek his head around the bedroom entrance, his bright green eyes reflecting in my own as Emily just squints and glares at the cat. I give a slight laugh as I move to set my stuff on the counter.

“He seems to be on stealth mode right now.” I giggle, shuffling down the hall with Emily in tow behind me. As we push open the door, Sergio is sitting atop the comforter kneading into the fabric while purring as loud as a motor. He looks over at Emily and I, just staring. As Emily makes one small move toward the bed, Sergio bolts off the bed into the closet across the room. Emily looks to me with annoyance in her eyes as a smile works its way to my lips. She sneaks over to the closet, finding Sergio sitting in the middle of the floor. As she bends down to grasp the animal, he bolts through her hands and legs making a B-line for under the bed. He squirms his way to the center at the furthest part of the bed. A laugh escapes my throat as Emily walks back over to me, moving to lie on her stomach. As she kneels on the floor, she grasps my wrist to pull me down with her.

As my knees hit the floor, Emily worms her way under the bed with only her waist down visible. I shuffle down, moving my way to lie beside her. Both our arms are outstretched trying to attract the feline who is simply staring at us with his bright eyes, and I could swear I saw a smile in his eyes. The longer this goes on, the more flustered Emily becomes, and the more giggles escape me. As the minutes pass, Emily works to attract Sergio, but my eyes are only on the woman beside me. Eventually, she rests her arms on the floor. Turning her head to look at me giggling before bursting into her own fit of giggles. Our cheeks brush against the carpet as we just stare at one another laughing. As it dies down, I’m left looking into Emily’s eyes.

“Hey, um” she starts, looking down to clear her throat. “Do you just want to stay here tonight?” She asks, a look in her eye I can’t quite pinpoint. “I bet we can trap him tomorrow.”

“He does have to come out sometime.” I smile, seeing the corners of her lips turn upward. She nods before moving to get out of the small space. As I squirm my way out, Emily has already disappeared. Walking down the hall, I drag my fingers across the drywall reminiscing on the time once spent here. Reaching the end, I lean my shoulder against the wall as Emily paces through the room, phone to ear. Her hair is up, but her bangs and wisps are flying in every direction. Even in ratty house clothes with her hair a mess, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. As she hands up the call, she notices me standing here.

“I ordered a pizza. I figured we could just watch some movies if you were up for it?” She questions, her shoulders tense as if she’s… nervous. I nod and smile, grabbing her hand and pull us toward the couch.

Over the next few hours, it’s just us. We ate half the pizza as we watched our favorite movies. At some point, we stopped actually watching what was on the screen, lost in conversation with one another. “So,” I begin, not sure how to start. “How’s Andrew?” I ask, looking down to fiddle with my fingers.

“I wouldn’t know.” she replies as I feel her eyes boring into me.

“Oh.” I whisper, picking at the skin around my nails.

“I didn’t actually want to go on that date.” She announces, placing her hands over my own. I look up at her with shock in my eyes. “I picked him because he is nothing like you. I thought that would make it easier.” I see a single tear fall down her cheek before she quickly wipes it away. “But the whole time, I still just wished it were you.” She whispers, cupping my cheek with her hand as I stare into her glossy eyes, tears pricking at my own. I lean into her hand before wrapping my arms around her. I bury my face into the crook of her neck as her arms wrap around my waist. As we lay there, I feel content. I feel blissful. I roll over to lay along the side of Emily, my hand draping over her stomach as Emily presses a kiss to the top of my head.

As we settle back into a comfortable silence, focusing on the motions on the screen, our lovable feline hops up to Emily’s lap to curl into a ball. He tucks his paws beneath his body as he purrs like a motor. “Well look who came to the party.” I laugh.

“Well… I guess that means you could go home now.” Emily states. I look up at her in shock, seeing the sly smile play on her lips. I gently smack her chest before curling into her side, petting Sergio between his soft ears.

“You’re gonna have to try harder than that to get rid of me now, Emily.” I smile against her. She wraps her arms around me tighter, our little mastermind curling himself between us as he stitched our little family back together with his tiny little paws.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CM Taglist: @spencer-reid-in-a-pool @samanddeanstolethetardis221b @reidetic @sunlight-moonrise @prettyricky187 @itslatinamagia @calm-and-doctor @vintagexparker

#httpnxtt #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds angst #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #emily prentiss imagine #emily prentiss fanfic #emily prentiss fanfiction #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss x y/n #emily prentiss x fem reader #emily prentiss #criminal minds #emily prentiss x you #ssa emily prentiss

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lastbluetardis · 3 years

Text

Sacred New Beginnings (1/?)

Summary: James Noble thought he traded away his chance at love and a happy-ever-after when he signed a contract with a record label that turned him into an international celebrity. But a chance meeting in a dive bar may prove him wrong.

Ten x Rose AU, @doctorroseprompts

This Chapter: Teen, ~5500 words

Note: Er... surprise? This idea has been in my head for months but my brain took it and ran with it this weekend. I plotted the whole thing and am gonna try to update every weekend. I don’t anticipate this being more than like... 7-10 chapter? I’d love to keep it under 5 chapters but that might be trimming things down too much for my liking. Anyways, I really hope you enjoy this little story!

AO3

Flashing lights and shrieks of his name greet James the moment the back door to his armored car is opened. His head of security ducks out first and James can only see a mass of feet and legs but it’s more than enough to let him know it’s a heavier than usual crowd. Not surprising, considering the news of his latest break-up just dropped while he’d been flying back from a visit to America.

He slides out of the car, helped by hands that pull him as much as guide him through the throng. He ignores the shouts of his name—telling him to look left or right or up or down or every combination therein—and the barrage of questions and jokes that aren’t funny.

Was it you or him that ended it?

Three weeks, is that a new personal record?

Another notch in the bedpost, eh James?

Got another beau lined up yet?

If you’re looking for candidates, what do we have to do to get our names in the running?

“Ignore them,” he mutters to himself, too quietly for anyone except his security team to hear.

In answer, one of them gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze as they reach his front door. Someone has already unlocked it for him and the darkness within is a blessing he’s all too willing to be shoved into. The cacophony muffles once the door shuts, and finally he’s alone, a rarity for him. If it’s not his security, it’s personal assistants and writers and producers and photographers and the paparazzi.

Or his lover of the month, as the papers have taken to calling his partners.

But nope, his home is empty and quiet and bloody freezing. A shiver ripples up his spine as he treads to the thermostat controller. Summer finally released its hold on London, and the muggy heat has been replaced with a damp chill that burrows down into his bones.

Several button-presses later, James hears the familiar clank of the radiator and he can smell the heating kick on. It’ll take a while for his house to warm up, so James keeps his peacoat on for the time being as he putters around his home, checking the fridge and the cabinets. As always, they’re well-stocked. He hasn’t had to do anything as mundane as grocery shopping in the five years since his YouTube channel full of acoustic covers of popular songs went viral and landed him a lucrative deal with a prestigious record label. Only in his wildest dreams had he expected to find fame and fortune in the hobby he loved so much—for it to have actually happened still took him by surprise, as though any minute he’d be told “it was fun while it lasted, but it’s time for you to leave wonderland now.”

Shaking his head of those thoughts, he goes to the antique dining table that can easily seat ten people, which is great for holidays or in-home meetings, but just plain depressing every other day of the year. A stack of mail has piled up, and he spends the next five minutes attempting to sort it before giving up and telling himself he’ll look at it in the morning, once he’s not quite as groggy—transatlantic flights always take it out of him.

Instead, he rootles around his fridge until he comes up with the necessary items to make himself a ham and cheese sandwich. With the prospect of food in front of him, James realizes he is starving. He shoves a whole slice of ham in his mouth while he assembles his pitiful meal, heaping on lettuce and sliced tomatoes as though that’s enough to negate the pile processed protein and greasy chips he layers in for crunch.

It’s tastier than any sandwich as a right to be, and he nearly makes himself a second one before catches sight of his phone screen and the slew of incoming notifications. His work is never finished, is it?

There are several texts from his publicist, Donna, welcoming him home and congratulating him on not making an arse of himself just by trying to walk up the front drive of his home. (To be fair, he felt entitled to channel his inner crotchety old man and tell reporters to get off his damn lawn if they encroached on his personal property.)

“Though some photos are surfacing of your trip to New York… Anything you need me to get ahead of?”

He rubs his fingers into his eyes, knowing she’s probably referring to his last night out in the city, where he went bar hopping until the wee hours of the morning to try to forget the text his subsequently-ex-boyfriend had sent him.

Thanks for everything, but I need to focus on my career. Cheers mate.

The career that James had kickstarted for him by introducing his rising actor boyfriend to several of his friends in the film industry, because James had been so damn desperate for affection that he’d once again let the wool get pulled in front of his eyes.

And so James had reached out to mates who lived in New York and they’d all gone out and acted half their age and had a wonderful time once James forgot about why he’d gone out in the first place.

But none of that now. Nope. No sir.

“Not that I’m aware of,” he replies. “Let me know if you catch wind of anything.”

Despite the fact that he only just got home and he’s jetlagged and still feeling the effects of his night out in New York, James can’t stay in his house right now. It’s so quiet that his brain is creating its own white noise. He can’t stand being in his head on a good day, and today is not a good day.

He grabs his keys and wallet and makes for the back of the house. His property is landlocked with the back gardens of other houses; the paps have learned the hard way that James is dead serious about protecting his neighbors’ privacy and will not hesitate to phone the police to arrest and sue anyone caught trespassing on private property to snag a photo of him. James hosts dinner for his neighbors several times a year and buys them gifts any chance he can to show his appreciation for their patience and tolerance.

In the dead of night, he slips out into his back garden, the crisp October air burning his lungs in the best way as he ducks his way through the neighborhood, his feet taking him far away from the crowd of reporters that are still stationed in front of his own home. Hopefully they’ll all have dispersed by the time he gets back. Perhaps he should have turned on music or a movie or something, made them think he was settled in for a lazy night in.

He wanders aimlessly for a while, enjoying this taste of freedom and trying to remember the days when he could leave out the front door of his flat without any fanfare.

It’s dark, and thick clouds obscure whichever moon phase they’re in, but the street lamps glow yellow on the damp pavement, lighting his way forward. A crisp autumn breeze ruffles his hair and the leaves, sending them tumbling around him and skittering across the residential street that’s so much quieter than the bustle of New York. It’s good to be home, though.

He arrives at a bus stop and catches one headed into the city proper. It’s no secret that James lives in London, and therefore the general population has gotten used to glimpsing him on the tube or walking on the street or frequenting pubs. He knows people snap quick photos of him, and he’s always happy to stop and pose for a selfie with respectful fans, but mostly he’s left alone when he’s out by himself like this.

Nevertheless, he hears the excited undertones of people trying to inconspicuously point him out to their oblivious friends. He keeps his head down, mindlessly opening and closing apps on his phone for something to do as he pretends he doesn’t notice them. He won’t be on the bus much longer anyway.

Several people get off the bus with him, including a group of teenage girls who are whispering heatedly among themselves. It’s almost funny, watching them debate amongst themselves before one of them approaches him.

She’s red-faced but determined as she blurts, “Can we get a photo?”

“Sure thing,” he says good-naturedly, inclining his head for them to come closer. “Need me to take it?” He holds out a lanky arm and flops it around a bit. “Got a longer reach than any of you.”

He’s certain one of the girls is about to start crying with joy as they all nestle into his side and hand him a new-model iPhone. Damn, it’s fancier than his own. When he was their age, he had an old flip phone that lost reception if he breathed on it wrong. It was a tank though—he’d dropped that thing hundreds of times, and nary a scratch.

“Do me a favor,” he says, handing the phone back to its owner, “and don’t ping our location if you post to social media, yeah? I appreciate it.”

“You’re my favorite person ever,” one of the girls squeaks.

His face splits into a grin and he tucks his hands into his pockets. “Is that so?”

The girls spend the next five minutes chatting with him about music and how they’ve been following him ever since his YouTube days. He listens and chimes in every now and then when they ask him a direct question, but he prefers being passive in exchanges like this, content to hear peoples’ stories. It makes him feel normal, if only for a little while.

Finally, they take their leave, and James turns in the opposite direction even though the destination he had in mind is down the street the girls had just taken. But he’s been burned far too many times by encounters with seemingly innocent fans, only for them to begin following him around and showing up outside his house to talk to him again. He makes a point of not drawing out public encounters with his fans.

He wanders down a street he’s vaguely familiar with, figuring he can backtrack in a couple blocks. The night is too beautiful for him to be upset about needing to take a detour.

Everything looks different in the dark, the glow of neon signs bathing everything in hues of greens and blues and pinks and yellows. Shops and restaurants are mostly shut up for the night, their windows dark or blinds drawn. Dingey motels with pay-by-the-hour rates are in full swing, as are the pubs that have a revolving door of people in varying states of intoxication.

Deep bass that he can feel all the way in his chest catches his attention, and he gets turned around a few times, but he eventually finds the establishment: Bad Wolf Brews. At first, he doesn’t think it’s open, and that he must be mistaken about where the music is coming from, but the heavy front oak door opens, and he realizes the glass on the door is tempered so that the interior lights don’t shine through. The music is clear and heavy and vibrating in his bones. He doesn’t think twice before catching the door before it closes and slipping inside.

The air is humid and smells of sweat and stale beer. Bodies are writhing and gyrating to the rhythm blasting through invisible speakers. The acoustics are phenomenal; none of the layers are lost and the sound quality is nearly as good as if he were listening to the record at home on his own stereo system.

The lights are low, and he’s sure he trips into a few people in the minute it takes for his eyes to adjust to the dimness, but finally, he’s at the bar. There are three open stools, and he claims one between a blonde woman and a red-haired man as he wonders what the hell this dive bar serves. He can see beer taps, but he’s more of a cocktail guy. He must look as lost as he feels, because the bartender hands him a menu that looks like it was hand-written and then photo-copied. It jives with the overall vibe of the pub.

The bartender checks in with him a minute later. James opens a tab and orders a sidecar sans sugar, and is pleasantly surprised by the quality. Not to make assumptions, but he’d figured an establishment such as this would have cheap liquor. If the alcohol in his drink is cheap, it’s well masked.

When he’s drained the last drop and about to signal for another, a hand rests on his shoulder. “Can I buy your next round?”

James looks up into the face of a stranger. It’s a woman with striking green eyes and a disheveled pixie cut. Judging by her crimson cheeks and glazed eyes, she’s three sheets to the wind. There’s buzzed, then there’s drunk, and then there’s plastered. He prefers not to let himself get to that last category, and by extension, he doesn’t really like to associate much with people who won’t remember the night come morning.

“Thanks, but I’m good,” he says with his most charming grin. “G’night.”

He has no idea if the woman knows who he is, but the way she shrugs and saunters to the gentleman sitting beside James, he doubts it.

He gets clumsily propositioned a few more times and always politely declines with a smile. So far, nobody here seems to recognize him and he is going to ride out this anonymity for as long as it’ll last. It has been too long since he’s been able to sit in a pub and drink quietly. Well, quietly, insofar as crazed fans or paparazzi aren’t harassing him—the music is loud enough that he’s sure to have ringing in his ears for a few hours once he gets home.

But he’s not really in any rush to get home, and so he orders his fourth cocktail before making his way to the loo. Alcohol goes right through him, and it’s nearly gotten him in trouble on tour a time or two.

There’s no line, but the loo is crowded, and he tries to ignore the double-takes as he stands in front of a urinal to take care of business. If he wakes up tomorrow morning to find that someone snapped a photo of him having a piss, he’s going to lose his goddamn mind.

Bladder tended to, James keeps his head ducked and shoulders his way back into the bar. His stool is unoccupied, and when he steps forward, he realizes why. A purse sits on it, seemingly reserving the seat but he can’t figure out for whom. He’s about to take the cocktail the bartender hands him and stand against the shadowed wall when someone picks up the purse.

It’s his blonde-haired stool mate. She flashes him a broad grin that lights up her entire face and squeezes something deep in his stomach.

“Saved your seat for ya,” she says with the ease and confidence of someone who’s known him his whole life.

“Thanks,” he manages through a suddenly dry mouth.

Feeling like an idiot for standing and gaping, he slips into his seat and downs half his new sidecar in one go. It’s as though the ice has been broken now, and she turns to him, her elbow on the counter and her cheek propped on her fist.

“Pretty sure you could outdrink a fish, mate,” she drawls, smiling again in that easy way that does too many strange things to his insides. “You’ve been knockin’ ‘em back for over an hour now.”

Has it really been that long? James checks his watch, and yup, it’s half past ten. The paps should be gone from his house by now, but he feels no draw to leave this place. The alcohol has left him pleasantly tipsy and warm, but he’s more drunk on the fantasy that he’s just a normal bloke having a nice night out in a newly-discovered dive bar.

“Fish don’t really drink though, do they? They absorb water through their gills via osmosis,” he replies, and he wants to bite his tongue off because what the fuck was that??

This woman, whatever her name is, doesn’t seem to mind his answer though, because her face scrunches in a giggle. His body is hot and throbbing with more than drink now, and he wants to hear that sound again but his brain has stopped working.

“Is that so different from you absorbin’ alcohol through your bloodstream?” she muses, finishing off whatever is in her short tumbler.

“Can I buy your next round?” he blurts rather than responding to her question, which he’s almost certain was rhetorical.

Her smile melts into something softer, something private and a little shy. “If you’d like.”

“I do.” He flags down the bartender and glances at his new companion expectantly.

“Gin and tonic,” she says. She thanks the bartender, then James when she takes her first sip. “I’m Rose, by the way.”

“James,” he says, feeling stupid because his face is plastered all over London, which likes to boast that it’s the home of international celeb James Noble. But wouldn’t he seem more of an arse if he just assumed this gorgeous woman knew who he was?

Nevertheless, his stomach sinks a bit when she snorts into her drink and says, “I thought it was you.”

“Yup, it’s me,” he forces, his voice flat. He hides his frown with his glass, knocking back the rest of his sidecar like it’s a shot. The room sways slightly with the violent motion of his head, and maybe he’s slightly drunker than he’d thought.

If Rose catches on to his sudden sour mood, she doesn’t mention it. “What brings you here to Bad Wolf?”

He shrugs and blows out a noisy breath. “I dunno. Went for a walk, ended up here.”

“Those are the best sort of adventures.” She hums wistfully. “Sometimes you find what you didn’t know you needed when you let yourself get lost.”

That observation is far too astute for his current state of mind, so instead he says, “Would you like to dance with me?”

Her eyes flicker across his face for a brief moment before she says, “Okay.”

He hops down from his stool, but Rose hesitates, clutching her purse and coat awkwardly. The bartender helpfully tells her to keep them on her stool, and he’ll keep an eye on it. Rose flashes him a grin that James would rather she flash at him, but he realizes that is utterly absurd, so he simply rests his coat on top of her things to better hide them from view. He then holds out his hand for her. Her palm is soft and warm against his as he leads her to the crowded dance floor.

They find space towards the back of the pub, hidden in the shadows of a hallway that states it’s closed off to patrons. And of course, of fucking course, right when he rests his hands on her hips to find the rhythm of the song, a new one comes on, and his own voice belts from the speakers.

“Fucking hell,” he mutters. He loves his music—he made it, after all—but he can’t help but feel pretentious and more than a little silly to dance to it like this.

Rose, however, grins and says, “Oh, come on, this is one of my favorites.”

She catches his hands where he’d loosened them at her waist and forces him to grab hold of her. She’s wearing high-waisted trousers and a top that leaves a sliver of her belly exposed. His thumb grazes the skin of her bare side, and it’s enough to send tingles through his body. Rose, meanwhile, slings her arms around his shoulders and begins to rock her hips from side to side in sync with the bass, embellishing the motions until she looks absolutely ridiculous but so, so beautiful.

He can’t help but grin and laugh, and he mirrors her movements until they’re both dancing like idiots to his music.

“This is how my baby brother dances,” she explains, bouncing up and down while twisting her hips. “We have regular dance parties together.”

“How old’s your brother?” he asks.

“Just turned four.”

He blinks, and blood rushes from his face. “And… and how old are you?”

“A perfectly legal twenty-four,” she drawls, reaching up to flick his nose. “You can start breathing again.”

Thank fuck.

“That’s quite the age gap.”

“My mum got remarried when I was nineteen,” Rose says with a shrug. “She and my stepdad didn’t waste much time.”

“Clearly,” he mutters under his breath.

“It does feel a bit like they’ve started over,” Rose confesses with a too-stiff shrug. “New family, new life, and I’m the interloper.

There is no way this vivacious woman in front of him could ever be considered an interloper, but before he can tell her that, she continues, “Mum does her best to assure me otherwise, but still. It’s hard to watch all the things Mum and Dad are able to do for Tony—that’s my brother, Tony—when Mum struggled so much as a single mum with me.”

“Your dad’s not in the picture?”

A sad smile pinches her face, and he regrets asking.

“No, I never knew him. He died when I was a baby.”

“I… I’m so sorry.” Well, he’s totally buggered this all up, hasn’t he? He wracks his brain on how to salvage the easy banter they’d had at the bar, but draws a blank.

Rose seems to realize they’ve lost the mood, but she breaks out into a lazy grin and says, “Since you seemed so opposed to dancing to your own music, it’ll please you to know a new song’s on. C’mon, show me your moves.”

He’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, and so he follows her lead, watching her dance her heart out until her cheeks are pink and her hair is damp with sweat. He’s sure he doesn’t look much better, since he can feel the perspiration beading down his back and beneath his arms, but he can’t bring himself to care. Tonight has been the most fun he’s had in a very long time. Clubbing in New York had been a lark, but he’s been swarmed by his American fans half the night, and had been busy drowning his latest heartbreak to fully enjoy it. But here, now, with Rose, it’s like he’s any other bloke in a pub, chatting up a pretty girl he wants to get to know.

Their bodies are wrapped around each other with the ease and grace of partners who have known each other for years, and he forgets that he has known Rose for all of a few hours. He never wants this night to end. He wants to cling to this fairytale and pretend that the clock isn’t about to strike the proverbial midnight.

But time marches on as always. The clock really does strike midnight, and the bartender begins to clear people out of his establishment. James is as exhausted as he is exhilarated, no longer drunk on booze but rather the company of Rose and the magic they made together by simply dancing the night away.

They head back to the bar to retrieve their coats and her purse, and to close out their tabs. James slides his credit card to the bartender and asks him to charge everyone’s tab to his card. If the bartender is surprised, he hides it well. A few minutes later, James is signing off on the receipt of purchase of several thousand pounds-worth of alcohol. His personal assistant is sure to be confused as hell when she wakes up to see the charge. He fires off a quick warning text to her so she doesn’t open up a fraudulent charge claim.

James salutes the bartender, knowing he’ll come back to this pub as often as he can until he’s found out and this place once again becomes somewhere that’s overrun with his fans.

The night is refreshingly cold when he and Rose emerge into it, a nice change after the stifling, sweaty heat of the bar. However, she hunches her shoulders against the chill, prompting him to wrap his arm around her waist and tug her into his side, all too eager to lend her some of his body heat.

“Can I walk you somewhere?” he asks, glancing around the street that is now full of the drunken patrons who’d been in the pub with them. They all disperse in different directions, stumbling home or to a different bar that is still open. “Or wait with you ‘til you catch a cab?”

“Yeah, sure,” she says, pulling up her phone to order a ride. She taps on the screen for a few quiet moments then says, “Done. Should be here in a few minutes.”

They descend into a slightly awkward silence that James wants to break, but he can’t think of anything clever to say. So he says nothing, and finally headlights wash over them, momentarily blinding them before a taxi pulls up.

“D’you wanna share?” she asks, opening the door to the back seat.

Is she as reluctant to leave him as he is to leave her? Or is she being polite and eco-friendly by ride sharing? Nevertheless, he nods and slides into the back seat beside her.

There is something incredibly intimate about sitting with Rose in the dark interior of the taxi, and he feels like he’s fifteen and wondering how to hold his date’s hand after a cheap night out at the cinemas. He fists his hands together, knotting his fingers until his knuckles pop.

The driver goes to the address Rose provides first, and all too soon they’ve arrived.

“I’ll cover the fare,” he says when she makes to hand over some bank notes to the diver. “It’d be my pleasure.”

She hesitates, but nods, then opens the door to climb out of the car. His pulse quickens as he watches her walk away with nothing but a, “Goodnight.”

“Can you wait just a minute?” he asks the driver.

“Meter’s still runnin’,” he grunts.

“That’s fine.”

James scrambles out of the taxi. “Hey, Rose?”

She turns back to face him, frowning.

“I… er… I had a great time tonight,” he says lamely, but her frown relaxes into a smile. “It was fun. With you. I had fun.”

“Yeah, me too,” she answers.

He licks his lips; his mouth is bone dry and his pulse pounds in his ears, making his vision throb with each frenzied beat.

“Do you… do you maybe wanna do it again some time? Hang out together? I… I’d really like to see you again,” he says, cursing his clumsy, fumbling words.

She scrutinizes him for a long moment, her expression indecipherable. His stomach sinks. Maybe this was a one-off, a story for her to tell her mates.

You’ll never guess who I met at the pub last night. James Noble! He paid for all my drinks and we danced like idiots.

He stews in his misery of doubt, and just when he’s about to tell her to forget about it, she slowly nods.

“Yeah, okay. I’d like that.”

“Really?” he asks, a hopeful edge creeping into his voice.

She laughs. “Really.”

“Brilliant!” James fumbles in his pocket for his phone, and he thrusts it at her. “Give me your number? I’ll text you. Or call.”

He rocks back and forth on his toes and heels, waiting for her to finish up with his phone. He has a sudden, potent bolt of panic that she’s snooping through his private messages or photographs for something to use against him to make a quick profit, but before that panic can take root, she hands his mobile back to him. It’s open to a new texting conversation.

From: 🌹 Bad Wolf Girl 🌹

Now I’ve got your number too 😉

He beams at the name she’s given to herself in his contacts, then he pockets his phone.

“I’ll see you later,” he says.

“You better,” she replies with that knee-weakening smile he’s grown to love over the course of the night. “See ya.”

“Bye.”

He stands there like a moron until she’s safely inside, then he turns back to the taxi and climbs in. The deserted streets streak by as the driver takes him to his neighborhood. He never gives his address though; he always chooses a destination a few streets away, just in case.

James generously tips the driver and bids him goodnight before slipping into the night to his home. He was right: the paparazzi are gone. There is no fanfare as he slips his key into the lock and lets himself into his house. It’s warm and cozy, but still too quiet for his liking.

Between the plane ride and his night out, he feels greasy and disgusting, and indulges in a hot shower before bed. He washes Rose’s scent off of his body, an intoxicating blend of jasmine and vanilla that’s as sweet as it is musky.

He’s groggy by the time he crawls into his giant, king-sized bed and burrows deep into his mounds of pillows and duvets. One of his ex-girlfriends once teased that he turns into the marshmallow man when he sleeps.

His sleep is deep and dreamless, and when he awakes with the sun the following morning, he feels more refreshed and invigorated than he ever remembers being. He’s got a full day of meetings with his songwriting team to brainstorm his next album, and he is ready.

But first, he checks his phone. There’s nothing from Rose, which makes him a little sad, but also nothing from his publicist, which is always a good sign. If ever she messages or calls him first thing in the morning, it always means there’s some sort of dumpster fire to put out. Usually a dumpster fire full of compromising photos of him.

He makes a point of not Googling himself, but he does occasionally check his social media pages for new posts about him, wanting to know when, where, and how his fans came across him in the wild. He easily finds the photo that he took with the group of teenage girls, and makes a point to like the original post and type a quick, “Nice to meet you all. Thanks for chatting with me last night - J” in the comments section. He snorts to himself as his comment blows up within seconds.

But other than some grainy photos of him riding the bus, he can’t find any other photos of himself. Nothing of him wandering the streets or drinking in the pub or even having a wee in the mens’ room. And best of all, there’s nothing of him and Rose. No photos of them dancing together or sharing a cab. If Rose has a social media account, it didn’t post any sneaky photos or bragging stories about dancing all night with James Noble.

He can’t quite believe it; he managed to have a fun night out drinking without it all being thrown back in his face the next morning. Within seconds, he’s grinning to himself and pulling up Rose’s contact information. It’s still in his phone, further proof that his night with her wasn’t some sort of jetlagged fever dream. She was real.

“Good morning. I hope you slept well. Thanks for last night.”

She responds almost instantly. Good morning to you too. I should be thanking you for paying my drink tab and taxi fare 😉 And for being an excellent dance partner.

“The pleasure was all mine, on all counts.” He sends that message, then types out a new one, “I’m gonna be in meetings all day (yes, I know it’s Sunday), so please don’t be discouraged if I don’t reply. But I’d really like to see you again. Want to do dinner or drinks or coffee or something?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer, needing to make himself presentable for when his driver picks him up in an hour. Yet he can’t help but check his phone every three seconds, until finally there’s a message from Rose.

Yeah, I’d like that. I work ‘til five most nights, but I’m free after that. Or we can wait ‘til the weekend.

With spirits lighter than they’ve been in months, James steps out of his house with a broad, stupid grin that the ever-present crowd of paparazzi are all too happy to photograph.

#ficandchips #dwfic #doctorroseprompts #doctor who #ten x rose #ten x rose au #james x rose #yet another iteration of james and rose lmao #romance #meet cute #light angst #musician au #my fic #sacred new beginnings

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daggersandarrows · 2 years

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Hi, I know I don’t engage much, although I enjoy your blog very much. I have really bad social anxiety so it takes a lot for me to open up, but I just wanted to say that I find your blog very inspiring! And turfs can go cry senselessly in a corner, because no one wants to listen to them anyway. I know you said to share something about CR that reminds you why you love it, so I hope this does the trick. I came to discover CR late in Campaign 2 during the pandemic, and not only did these adorable goofballs make me laugh during a time when I desperately needed it, but Seeing the cast embrace Beau and Yasha in C2 made me feel seen in media in a way that I hadn’t before. So imagine my surprise when I go back though campaign one and discover Gilmore , Kima and Allura, the Twins, and so many others across the campaigns, Yussa, Bryce, and Dairon to name just a few more. Being Queer was no big deal in their world and wow did that feel good, especially in a time when I was dealing with the aftermath of escaping from a homophobic situation that felt like it was going to erase who I was inside. CR also taught me that I’m allowed to tell my own stories and to create beautiful and funny tales with my friends. There is for space at me at the gaming table and that’s so refreshing after being told all my life that I wasn’t welcome. Anyway, I hope this helps and I just wanted to say hi and be a positive message in your inbox. I hope the rest of your day goes well!

i've been thinking about this ask all day at work while i was petting puppies i hope you know that ;_; oh my god you made my entire day.

i also started watching cr during the pandemic! i lost one of my jobs due to transphobia and then immediately lost the other to covid, and critical role kept me sane. i was straight up shocked by the representation, and i love them for it so, so much.

i love all of the queer rep in cr, but i was so ecstatic when matt revealed yussa that i nearly cried.

also, i don't talk about this almost at all, but i have a vax fictive in my system, and while we're not entirely sure exactly how much he does and doesn't match canon, he is very happy about canon vax being so openly bisexual. (also i will never not find it hilarious that vax thought straight people were a myth.)

#critical role

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aeonghaseyo · 3 years

Text

Your Trace, My Treasure

Summary: Marc and Nathaniel write and draw, respectively, on each others' notebooks because it's DEFINITELY a couple thing to do.

Word Count: 2105 AO3 link

Relationship/s: Nathaniel Kurtzberg/Marc Anciel Category: M/M Characters: Nathaniel Kurtzberg, Marc Anciel, Alix Kubdel (mentioned), Marinette Dupain-Cheng (mentioned), Juleka Couffaine (mentioned), Rose Lavillant (mentioned), Alya Cesaire (mentioned) Language used: English Author's Note: The creators of MLB really need to give the side characters screen time. The love square isn't the only romantic set of ships in the show and there are much more cute ships to write about. And so in my first time of writing a Miraculous Ladybug fanfic, it's about a ship that's entirely not part of the love square. This is my final workshop output from a creative writing class I enrolled in during the summer to get units in advance. Special thanks to my professor and two of my classmates for their feedback; I couldn't have made this work even more wonderful without their help. For the non-love-square ship and this being a successful workshop output thus far, I think I'm gonna give myself a pat on the back and more fanfic ideas to write. :)

Compared to the courtyard at Françoise Dupont High School where the lively chattering of students can be heard and the scrambling of footsteps were a staple, the art room was its own entire world of silence.

It was supposed to be a calming silence in that same art room where Marc and Nathaniel were to work on art-related endeavors of their own, but the former found this unwelcoming and rather deafening. It weighed down on his being that the atmosphere was unbearably awkward, much like he was most of the time even before he met Nathaniel and became his partner in creating comic books about Ladybug, Chat Noir, and their akumatized alter-egos who turned good and served as part of the superhero duo’s akuma-fighting team. Despite a remarkable development from being acquaintances, to newfound partners, and now to a bloomed romantic couple, Marc Anciel, as awkward as ever and still testing the waters on this newfound relationship, couldn’t shake this nagging feeling of inadequacy as someone’s significant other.

It just goes to show him that even though his romantic feelings for Nathaniel had been reciprocated at Day 0, it does not remove the remaining unease that Marc currently feels at Day 1. It was his first time in a relationship, and it was with the boy whose drawings he admired so much from the school paper. Simply put, it was too good to be true.

Unfortunately, the awkwardness Marc felt wasn’t masked enough, and Nathaniel immediately noticed from his place by the table beside his raven-haired beau. How could he not? It was very obvious, from the way Marc’s hand shakily distorted his usually refined, elegant script while writing the next chapter of their comic to the way his expression was contorted as if he was constipated. Nathaniel thought to himself that it was still an adorable sight, but clearly, something was up, and it wouldn’t do well to just ignore whatever troubled his beloved partner. Attempting to break the ice, the redhead cleared his throat, then spoke to call Marc’s attention.

“Marc.”

The novelist jolted in surprise at the utterance of his name. “Y-yes, Nathaniel?”

Leaning in for a better view of the page Marc was writing on, Nathaniel replied, “Your handwriting’s different.”

“W-wait, really?” blurted out Marc, quickly covering the page with his gloved hand. “I d-didn’t know you were p-particular with handwriting.”

Nathaniel placed a gentle, caring hand on his boyfriend’s with a smile aimed directly at him as he clarified himself, “It’s not that, Marc. I’ve seen it and it’s great. Right now, it just looks… wobbly. You’re nervous, aren’t you?”

Even if Nathaniel was a recluse in his own class, he could very well read into the emotions of people, but he doesn’t show it that often. As endearing as it was as a show of concern towards shy Marc, it was also overwhelming for the raven-haired novelist to have been the subject of such deep perception, even from the boy his heart palpitates for.

It was then that Marc’s fight or flight response reminded him in a split-second that he needed some sort of diversion for Nathaniel not to remind him of his own awkwardness.

“Isn’t it weird that our art teacher didn’t come here?” Marc rapidly questioned as he struggled not to look at the red-haired boy beside him. Despite this attempt to keep Nathaniel’s focus off of his disposition, glancing towards the door and not at Nathaniel did not help stop the blood from rushing to the novelist’s fair cheeks. His partner might be tired of this, of him, already, but that light chuckle of pure amusement coming from Nathaniel disproved that thought.

“Hey, hey, settle down Marc,” chided Nathaniel, “he might be running late. It’s okay for us to use the art room so long as it’s reserved around this time. Good thing that he reserved it at an earlier time than usual.”

With innocent green eyes, the raven-haired boy looked his boyfriend in the eye and asked, “H-he can do that?”

“Of course, he can. Let’s just wait for him, okay?” reassured Nathaniel, his left hand making its way on Marc’s right shoulder discreetly. “I’m sure my other classmates will arrive here shortly too.”

A shy smile emerged from Marc’s face as he replied, “Okay, Nath.”

Suddenly, a ringtone from the phone which was in Nathaniel’s pocket sounded audibly enough to catch both the boys’ attention. The redhead immediately fished out the device from his pocket and unlocked it, revealing three unread text messages from his close friend Alix.

Hey Nath! Something came up and I couldn’t swing by the art room. Love troubles again with Marinette. Juleka and Rose are also helping out with me so they can’t come.

I can’t believe that Marinette got invited personally by Adrien to his photoshoot but she can’t even give him her handmade gift or ask him out. Because she’s such a wuss, I got dragged here in the park by Rose because Mari needs all of her girl friends to push her towards Golden Boy Agreste YET AGAIN.

And apparently Alya alone couldn’t do it. Sorry! You’ll have Marc to keep you company anyway. Have fun! ;)

So much for those girls coming over to the art room. Nathaniel let out a sigh as he muttered, just enough for Marc to hear, “I stand corrected. The others aren’t coming.”

Catching on his partner’s crest-fallen demeanor and gazing at his face with sympathetic green orbs, Marc replied, “Guess it’s just the two of us for now.”

The next minutes were spent in silence again, with Marc continuing to finish a paragraph while Nathaniel sketched a bird’s eye view of the Eiffel tower as the background in one panel of the comic storyboard in his notebook. After several minutes elapsed, however, curiosity got the best of Marc, and so, with the tip of his pen lingering on the period of his last sentence, he kept on glancing at Nathaniel and the storyboarding he was working on. Besides the sheer focus that was evident in Nathaniel’s turquoise orbs, the shy novelist couldn’t help but notice the fine, steady strokes his beau’s hand were making with his fine-pointed mechanical pencil. So neat, so pristine. It’s amazing how he didn’t need an eraser to erase certain portions of his drawings over and over.

Marc had seen artist sketches himself of both people and objects, mostly done by his friend Marinette. As someone aspiring to become a fashion designer, she would be engrossed in sketching designs day by day, passion ignited by the sparks of inspiration she draws from around her. However, since Marinette’s sketches had obvious hints of disorder, as it normally is with crude artist sketches, it clearly contrasted with the otherwise structured sketches Nathaniel makes for his comic books. Marc, fully in awe, couldn’t help but take a break from his writing and stare at the red-haired illustrator’s creative process right next to him.

Meanwhile, Nathaniel, thanks to the strong, overbearing feeling of being watched, was getting overly conscious of his work. Keeping his composure to the best of his ability, he quickly turned to Marc and asked, “Do you need something Marc?”

Snapped out of his trance wide-eyed, Marc inwardly panicked. ‘Oh no, I must be staring at him too long! I hope I didn’t spook him too much.’

Scrambling for a sensible response, the novelist stuttered out, “I-i want to write something in your notebook.”

Setting down his pencil while his turquoise eyes were still on Marc, Nathaniel blinked inquisitively. “Oh, why would you want to do that?”

“B-because,” the shy writer reasoned, “I want to write something to remind you of me. T-that is, if y-you don’t mind.”

The red-haired teen averted his gaze from his partner as he remarked, “You know I don’t let anyone write on my notebook, Marc.”

This response triggered the disappointment that Marc had anticipated from the moment that they started continuing to develop the rest of the comic book they were working on together. It was even more daunting for the timid writer that their art teacher and the rest of Nathaniel’s classmates who were usually in the art room with them did not show up at that moment, or even at all. Marinette would tell Nathaniel that it’s a great idea for his newfound love to leave special traces on his personal notebook while Rose, somehow finding this romantic, would gush at this gesture with Juleka mumbling to herself in response. But what would have been the cherry on top for Marc at the moment is that if Alix was there to egg on Nathaniel, pressuring him to give in and let his boyfriend write something in his notebook. At least the comic relief from Alix’s teasing would help alleviate the collective awkwardness the couple felt at that moment. God, if only it wasn’t just the two of them in the art room at that moment.

But alas, he was alone, helpless and daunted, and he was facing the dragon which was Nathaniel, or whatever Nathaniel thought of him at that moment.

However, all of the fears and doubts that plagued Marc left him when Nathaniel continued with a small, endearing smile on his face, “But for you, I’ll make an exception.”

The novelist beamed at his boyfriend, green eyes sparkling with delight. “R-really?”

“In one condition.”

Marc took and held in a quick breath. “Anything, Nath.”

The illustrator picked up his pencil once again and uttered, with an outstretched hand right by Marc’s notebook, “Let me draw in your notebook.”

It was at that moment when Marc could feel his heart flutter, accompanied by the butterflies in his stomach as he opened his own notebook to the very last page and laid it out right by his beau’s workspace.

“It would be my pleasure.”

In a span of 2 minutes while Nathaniel was drawing on the last page of his boyfriend’s notebook, Marc, fidgeting and tapping his pen softly on his chin, racked his brain for a simple yet memorable piece to write on the first page of the illustrator’s notebook, which was left empty out of personal preference by its owner. Hoping to obtain bit by bit of inspiration, he glanced at Nathaniel, then at the empty page, then at Nathaniel, and so on and so forth. This went on, albeit unnoticed by the redhead, until mere seconds after, he scribbled away on the page once he had gotten attuned with his creative writing flow.

After both of them finished leaving their traces on each other’s notebook pages, Nathaniel and Marc gave each other back their notebooks and instantly opened them to where they each left their special mark. Struck with awe, the novelist softly traced the outline of the drawing and his emerald eyes were drawn to Nathaniel’s signature which he left underneath the recently drawn portrait. A tinge of pink formed on Marc’s cheeks as he admired every stroke that constituted this drawing of him done by none other than the boy he once looked up to, now loved, and who loved him back.

“No one’s written me a poem before,” Nathaniel uttered as he perused every line written by Marc on that now extra special page in his notebook, eyes taking in every word written in that distinct elegant script that served as an epitome of beauty that the redhead beheld. One particular line at the end of the writing, however, caught him by surprise: the words ‘Je t’aime’ accompanied by Marc’s signature in that same fancy handwriting the illustrator adored dearly.

Having regained his composure, Marc turned to Nathaniel and asked, “Do you like the poem? I-i thought of it on the spot so it might not exactly be to your liking, but-”

“I love it,” interrupted the red-haired teen breathlessly, wrapping an arm around his significant other and squeezing his shoulder. “Really Marc, you make the most wonderful written pieces.”

An expression as bright as day graced Marc’s features as he replied, albeit with a bit of shyness in his voice, “Y-you really think so?”

Nathaniel threw any single hint of hesitation in his being out the window as he placed a tender, loving kiss on Marc’s forehead. “I do. We’re meant to be partnered together, after all.”

And just like that, the uncomfortable awkwardness that haunted Marc was instantly warded off, and in a flash, he enveloped Nathaniel in a tight, warm, loving embrace and leaned into him in newfound solace. The silence in the art room has never been this comforting as the couple relished in this seemingly endless embrace together.

#miraculous #miraculous ladybug #miraculous tales of ladybug and cat noir #miraculous fanfiction #miraculous ladybug fanfiction #mlb fanfiction #nathaniel x marc #nathaniel kurtzberg #marc anciel #marcnath #mlb fanfic

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princessamericachavez · 3 years

Text

Fuck it. Today I get to be self-indulgent and tell you about the entire Fjorester Hallmark Christmas Fanfic that is way too long for me to write these days but I have entirely laid down in my head so instead I’m going to write about it as a bulletpoint fic.... sort of... you’ll get the grasp. Just strap along for the ride.

(This is obvious and shamelessly based on Tis The Damn Season by Taylor Swift, you can fight me. I said it was self-indulgent)

Okay, so first of all, the group are all friends and knew each other all through college, right?

Jester studied psychology (she’s an emotional healer, you know?) and especialices in art therapy.

Fjord did a marine biology major with an acting minor, because deep down he’s a theater nerd but doesn’t dare admit it because he needs to want a “real” career, you know? Also, he paid for his studies with a full swimming team scholarship.

I legit don’t know what everyone else studied —this is the kinda stuff I would figure out while actually writing the fic— so you get to fill those blanks!

ANYWAY, basically during college Jester had this art teacher, Artagan, who she became weirdly friendly with (you sometimes become friends with your college teachers, they aren’t even that much older than you and half the time are just as tired)

So this art teacher is delighted by her, right? Keeps telling her how talented an artist she is and how she should definitely come with him to LA after this year is over. He’ll get her into a gallery! She’ll be famous and amazing!

So Jester goes. And her heart aches. And maybe leaving her mama is so damn hard. And maybe, maybe, she doesn’t want to say goodbye to Fjord but she’s been in love with him for so so so long and he never seemed to see her in that way, so she can’t put her life on pause for him. She can’t. Even if the night before she leaves it looks like he’s trying to tell her something, to half confess something that he never quite does say out loud and her heart falls and she leaves.

ANYWAY here is where our story begins.

Jester comes back for christmas after six months away and she is EXCITED to be home!

(maybe a little too much, maybe things aren’t going as great in LA as she expected) (and mayyyybe she’s a little nervous to see a certain someone but it’s ok)

Fjord picks her up at the airport. He knows her mama doesn’t like going out much and he really, really, really insists that it’s no big deal. His car is old and shitty and there was an incident once that made Jester start calling it “The Ball Eater” to Fjord’s endless dismay (and bemusement).

Anyway the ride home is light hearted, they make small talk and laugh about old times and Jester talks so much about how amazing everything in LA is but Fjord can’t shake the feeling that something about her, despite her smile, seems sad.

He also can’t help the desire to hold her hand, or kiss her, or at the very least confess how uselessly in love he’s been with her for years, but she’s only here for like four days because she needs to go back to LA for her big New Years gallery show that Artagan put together and he can’t ask much from her without getting in the way of her dreams, so he doesn’t.

So they get home and Marion is as delightful as ever and Jester finds out that Fjord has been helping her fix some things around the house (oh so you’re a very handy man, Fjord! *wiggles eyebrows*) and he’s been buying her groceries because he knows Jester used to do it because Marion is always so busy performing at the Chateau (and doing other things for her fancier clients, but Fjord would rather not bring that subject up too often) and he just thought it would be important for someone to look after her from time to time.

Jester has to choke back tears because she is so moved that he is so wonderful with her mama even when she’s gone. Her heart flutters and it’s terrifying.

So Fjord leaves and Jester and her mama spend the whole afternoon together, catching up and baking cupcakes and watching christmas movies until Marion has to go to work.

Meanwhile, Fjord is trying to figure out what to do with himself and with Jester —nothing, he decides, he shouldn’t really say anything— and keeps pacing around his apartment to the endless bemusement of his roomate.

Caduceus was MEANT to go home for the holidays, but there was some kind of change of plans with his family at the last minute (or so he says, he hasn’t been very forthcoming about it and Fjord suspects they might have had an argument or something or maybe Cad just decided not to go home, but how is he supposed to know? He never knew the first thing about families) so now Caduceus is here and for the first time in his life Fjord is not spending Christmas alone.

Caduceus suggests honesty is the best course of action, that he should just tell Jester how he feels. Yeah. Right.

Anywayyy

Jester gets together with the rest of her friends “The Nein” they call each other, though they have never been nine, just to mess with people who keep asking and getting weirder and weirder answers. They get some drinks.

While Fjord is away getting drinks, Beau mentions what a shitty year she’s had and Jester’s brow furrows and Beau says it was just a lot of shit, you know? Vandran just up and leaving town, handing in his thesis (though his tutor, Mrs. Melora was delightful and supportive). She doesn’t mention how depressed Fjord was over Jester leaving, though, but she does say that the cherry on top was his fucking ex showing up again.

“Avantika came back?!”

Jester’s chest twists with the painful memory of jealousy and anger and worry over how unhealthy the whole thing was and how sick and sleepless and exhausted and sad Fjord seemed though the entire relationship before he finally gathered the courage to break things up.

Veth knows that, so she brushes it off with a quick “it’s fine, he told her to go fuck herself” and Jester feels maybe a little better —even though she totally has no right because she and Fjord aren’t a thing and he can do whatever he wants ok? she totally doesn’t care, totally.

Still, maybe, on the way back home she asks if he’s okay and she’s so worried and hesitant and Fjord just melts and assures her he’s alright, that he already knew when Avantika came back that she was not what he wanted, that he deserved more... that he wanted more... and he’s so earnest and breathless that Jester thinks he might really be in love with someone else, then... it doesn’t occur to her that all he can think about is kissing her in that moment, parked outside her mama’s house.

The porch’s front light turns on, the moment passes, they say goodbye.

Fjord comes over on the 24th to hang out. Apparently, Caduceus is a little bit more homesick than he is willing to admit and decided to unload all of his Cain Instincts on Fjord. Jester is delighted by the idea of Cad secretly being a prankster, but she lets Fjord hide out with her and her mama as they decorate the house (Marion didn’t have time to before between shifts) and make cookies and watch movies.

And it’s so easy, so sweet and comfortable, that Jester can’t help but feel like this is what life is meant to be, she can’t help but fantasize about what things could have been like...

Fjord finally asks what’s wrong. She tries to dodge the question first, assuring him she’s alright, but Fjord has known Jester long enough to figure out that something is weighing on her and he insists that she can tell him anything.

Jester finally breaks and admits LA isn’t everything she dreamed. It’s pretty great, sure, and she got a job as an art therapist in a nearby clinic and the gallery is going to be great and fun but she feels so lonely, she’s tried to make new friends but everyone is too busy or stuck on their own road to success to really get to know them, she misses the Nein, she misses her mama, she misses her home and Fjord. Besides, Artagan has been so busy with planing the gallery (and all of the other cool artists he has been collecting to showcase there and she didn’t know about before) and he’s just not as focused on being her artistic mentor has before. It’s just a lot.

And Fjord listens and nods and assures her that she’s brilliant and amazing and she will be alright, but she can always come back home if she wants (god, he wishes she would return).

instead, Jester says he should come to LA because they used to talk about this, about both going there and trying their luck as artists. “You are such an amazing actor, Fjord!” She insists but Fjord is too anxious. Dreams don’t pay the bills. He can’t just drop everything just to follow a dream... just to follow her.

It gets quiet after that.

On the way out, Marion overhears that Fjord is planing to spend christmas alone with Cad on their apartment and insists they should come over for diner instead.

Jester is delighted! It’s usually just her and her mama (who usually has to leave early because she works christmas night at the hotel) but now Cad and Fjord can come too! And the others should too! Beau and Yasha are here alone too and Veth can bring Yeza and Luke and Caleb will definitely want to spend it here instead of the library right?

So the Nein end up all invited to Jester’s christmas party.

Which, of course, means they HAVE to do a secret santa.

Jester gets Caleb, so she enlists Veth and Beau to go shopping for his gift to make it extra especial.

While they are out doing chores, Caleb texts Jester and asks if he could talk to her later that afternoon. She wonders out loud why that would be and Veth blurts out: “he’s probably finally gonna tell you he’s in love with you”

And Jester would brush it off with a flirty joke if it wasn’t by the way Beau slaps the back of Veth’s head and tells her “you said you wouldn’t tell on him!”

So Jester is shocked and confused and thrown off balance because she never even considered Caleb like that. Does Caleb like her? Is he in love with her? Is she supposed to know that? To like him back? Oh no, he’s going to tell her this afternoon isn’t he?

And she has to give him a christmas gift for the secret santa!

Caos and overthinking ensue and finally Jester buys Caleb a big thick book he’d been eyeing for a while but that he’d deemed too expensive to get and a very long scarf with lots of tiny cats and there’s nothing romantic about it but she’s still worried about it.

So, either way, Caleb and Jester meet up for a late coffee (Caleb is basically immune to caffeine at this point so it’s fine and Jester only drinks hot coco so it’s alright).

And Jester jumps the gun, she goes on and on and on about how she had no idea and she’s so sorry and she’s not sure about how to feel with this but she doesn’t want to hurt Caleb because he’s such a good friend and she really does care about him a lot but-

Caleb cuts her off with a laugh. He already knew she’s not in love with him, which is why he never brought the subject up. He’s fine, he’s moved on.

Oh?

Actually, he wanted to talk with her because he is seeing someone else (ESSEK) and he wanted to know if it would be alright to bring him over for christmas tomorrow. He thinks he’s ready to introduce them to his friends and a party seems like a good idea.

Jester is delighted again and assures him he totally can come and not to worry about the extra space or work or food because Caduceus and Fjord promised to come help her prepare everything for the party.

She grabs his hands and assures him with a bright smile that she’s incredibly happy for him and hopes this is the good kinda love that makes him feel warm and fuzzy and smile. And Caleb blushes and nods and mumbles that maybe it is.

CUT TO: Fjord is totally accidentally watching this from outside the coffeeshop because he was out buying gifts too (for his secret friend, Beau, a dope set of weights... and for Jester, a tiny unicorn that he just saw and had to get for her because he knew it would make her so happy).

Either way, as you can imagine, what Fjord sees is easily misunderstood.

Cue: heartbreak.

Which gets us to christmas morning filled with excitement and presents and hugs.

Fjord and Caduceus come over to help the Lavorre women cook (Fjord feels a little responsible over turning their little yearly diner into a fully blown party because he mentioned they were spending it alone at home).

And Fjord is sad. He isn’t angry, or rude, or jealous... okay, maybe a little jealous, but mostly he’s just heart-broken and Jester can tell something is off, but Fjord makes an effort to smile and pretend like everything is fine and –wow, whoever he is in love with (that person he said he now new he wanted) might have broken his heart and Jester is so confused and at a lost.

Anyway, it’s Caduceus who finally has enough of the mopping around and pulls Fjord aside to figure out what’s wrong and Fjord just blurts everything out: Jester and the feelings and the almost kiss in his car and the hanging out and the stupid little unicorn he has back at home and now doesn’t dare give her and Jester holding Caleb’s hands and how stupid he feels and how he had no right to feel that way anyway...

Cad lets him ramble and in the end just sighs and puts a hand on his shoulder and says: you should give her the gift. Did you get it so she would love you? Did you get it to get something in return?

No, Fjord says, he just wanted to make her happy.

Well, it will still make her happy, right? Isn’t that what you want?

And Fjord nods despite the hurt and Cad thinks he is so clever because of course he knows that Jester is in love with Fjord and that Caleb has moved on but he figures his roommate needs to figure it out himself this time.

And so, the party comes.

They do the secret santa early, because everyone is too chaotic and excited to wait to figure out what gifts they will get and they all want their friends to see the awesome gifts they got them already.

Fjord nearly bites through his cheek while he sees Jester give Caleb her secret santa gift.

Yasha gives Jester a beautiful dress, dark but artistic, that everyone insists she must try on and model for them at once because the world really hates Fjord and wants to make him blush and squirm as much as possible over the girl of his dreams.

Caduceus gets Fjord an amazing movie collection with all the western classics he loves and it’s probably one of the nicest gifts he’s ever gotten.

The tiny unicorn weights like a fucking ton inside Fjord’s pocket through most of the night. He convinces himself that he can’t give it to Jester, it would be overstepping. If she loves someone else, he needs to respect that.

And then Essek shows up, and Fjord understands many things at once, and he’s so stupid he wants to laugh and hit himself at the same time.

And yeah, just because Jester isn’t in love with someone else it doesn’t mean that she will like him now... of course not... but he feels a little bit less like a terrible friend and person for wanting her to.

He pulls her out to the porch with some dumb excuse and after a lot of awkward small talk he finally brings out the tiny unicorn.

Jester is delighted. What? Why? When? And Fjord just tells her the truth, that he saw it and thought of her and how happy it would make her and he had to...

So Jester kisses his cheek and he blushes furiously and just as the moment is about to die down Veth shouts from inside that someone hid a lot of mistletoe around the house and that she is not kissing any of her friends thank you very much.

So the two of them look up just in time to see GUESS WHAT hanging over their heads. Because of course.

Blushing. Awkwardness. I mean, we don’t have to if you don’t- I mean if you- I mean I do- Do you? Yeah. Wait. Really? I mean, do you want to? Y-yes!

They kiss.

And it’s quick and shy and not really a big romantic kiss, barely a peck between two friends terrified of fucking everything up.

The night goes on and neither of them can stop thinking about it... but other than that, it’s just a fun party.

Fjord doesn’t sleep much, he’s up early and pacing around the house until he decides he needs to try that again. Just once more. One more kiss. And maybe then... and, yes, she will leave, but maybe one more kiss wouldn’t be so terrible before that?

So Fjord runs. He runs over to her home, heart in his throat.

He knocks on the door, rushed and breathless... and finds Marion looking sad.

Jester got a call that very morning saying Artagan needed her ASAP back in LA because the gallery is apparently a mess and he needs her help to organize the big night.

Fjord does his best to cheer Marion up but he also knows, he knows, how upset Jester must have been to lose the last few days home.

Meanwhile, Jester is doing her best to help Artagan (after finding out her mentor might be an amazingly talented artist but a terrible event organizer) and basically runs herself thin, going crazy and barely sleeping for a couple days.

Two days before the big exhibit everything is still a mess and it’s too much for her to handle alone... and then the Nein arrive.

What are you doing here? What is going on? How are you here?

And they just shrug and smile and say they missed her and ‘hey, do you need a little help with that?’ and before she knows it everyone is helping her up and putting together everything that’d been falling apart.

Beau basically intimidates the catering service into actually delivering on time by reviewing their contract and finding how much money they could lose if they don’t. Yasha, turns out, has a fantastic eye for art and helps pick where and how each piece should be hanged. Veth goes nuts with the decoration, making it way fancier than anyone expected this little art show to be —she demands black tie for everyone who is coming, too. Caleb and Essek result amazing with lights and music and manage got connect the whole audio system by some sort of magical miracle because it hasn’t worked properly since the 8s. Caduceus and Fjord offer to serve drinks when the barman calls in sick.

In the end, after a few hectic days, it all works out.

Jester finds out from Beau that Fjord basically knocked on their doors as soon as he found out she had to come back and talked everyone into coming and drove all the way here in his cheap shitty Ball Eater car (it broke down halfway through and Fjord and Caleb had to fix it themselves which is also why it took them two whole days to get to LA).

The night of the gallery everything is perfect and beautiful and Jester could cry because she has the best friends in the world —but, really, she could cry because she’s missed them so much and having them here with her has made LA seem like a true city of stars again.

And so, she takes a moment in between smiling and shaking hands and posing for pictures with Artagan (who is sort of taking all the credit for their work but it’s alright because he’s already hooked her and two others up with a bunch of interested agents and it seems like he really just wants to help this small artists have their big break) and Jester steps outside to take some air.

Fjord follows.

And she starts to thank him, earnestly, for all his help and support and she has no idea how she could’ve done any of this without them —without him. She can’t believe he followed her all the way here (as if Fjord has done anything else since the day they met on their college’s induction day... he always follows her)

Fjord, a little coyly, says that he could pay her back by lending him a couch while he looks for a place... and that’s how Jester finds out Fjord’s moving to the city to try and pursue acting.

“Job hunting wasn’t going too well either, so I figured I might as well give my dreams a chance... I would also really like to be closer to you,” he admits, in a moment of boldness.

And Jester understands. Finally. She sees what she was too afraid of admitting to herself out of fear of heartbreak and disappointment.

“I can lend you a couch,” she smiles, playfully, “but it will cost you... a movie, maybe diner later”

And his eyes sparkle as he steps closer and says, “I think I can manage that” and he asks if he can kiss her, following a hunch, and she nods.

Just as everyone shouts HAPPY NEW YEAR inside the building.

THE END

ok that’s all, i cannot bring myself to actually write this multichapter, but I hope anyone who is still here after ALL THAT enjoyed the ride.

Happy holidays!!

#fjorester #fjord stone #jester lavorre #critical role #critter fic #fanfic #sofia's nonsense

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sockablock · 4 years

Text

I’ve had a small idea for a little while now, so I’m testing the waters with a first chapter! It’s a bit long, so excuse me there, but hopefully y’all enjoy reading! :3

—

It began with a letter that arrived one morning as Essek sat alone in the kitchen.

The courier himself had seemed just as surprised to be delivering a message to the reclusive Shadowhand, but a cursory glance at the carefully-folded envelope and a less-cursory casting of Detect Magic had signaled no foul play. So Essek took the letter, settled back beside the dining table, and floated over a glass of chilled juice for the reading.

His eyes flicked over the return address, and though it did seem familiar, it did not immediately spark recognition. His first real impression of the message was simply that of crisp, neatly-printed handwriting and the faintest whiff of…hmm. Lavender.

The letter began with a standard greeting.

To Shadowhand Essek Thelyss—

I hope you have been keeping well since we spoke. It has been some time, and I admit it is strange for me also as I realize this is likely the first letter I have sent you since our meeting.

He sipped the juice.

You are a busy man, and I would not intrude on your time if my request is unwelcome or unfeasible. But you see, in the time since we have ended the war and sealed away the Chained Oblivion—

Essek nearly spat out his drink.

He managed, in the proceeding moments, to weakly swallow, and shakily set his glass back onto the table. He cleared his throat once or twice. He gently coughed.

He picked up the envelope he had discarded earlier and quickly, the pieces fit together.

The Firmaments. Eastern district. The neighborhood where once, Den Thelyss had provided a house for a ragtag group of outsiders…

He snatched the letter back into the air.

—and semi-accidentally, though certainly also purposefully toppled the Cerberus Assembly.

Essek had to pause and re-read that sentence. It still didn’t sink in until nearly a minute later. He rubbed his temples, and resumed.

As such, it has befallen on I, and by extension the rest of the Mighty Nein to rebuild some of the arcane infrastructure of the Empire. To be more specific, in our meeting with King Dwendal’s court, a lord accused us of trying to cripple the nation by eliminating a powerful institution of magic and Beauregard volunteered that I would be the best candidate to replace it. One comment led to another, and perhaps it was our past efforts in politicking, or our recent defeat of the Maw of Eternal Darkness—

Essek wondered if he had any alcohol.

—but the court ultimately, shockingly, decided that I should be put in charge of creating and overseeing a new arcane academy for the Dwendalian Empire. And so, at the time in which I am writing you this letter, I have been appointed the Headmaster of a new Soltryce Academy, though I certainly will not be keeping that name.

It is with this in mind that I am writing to you now, my friend. For you see, despite the apparent confidence of my friends and my “superiors,” I do not believe I am capable of running a school on my own. Certainly not implementing the necessary infrastructure to have a school of any repute by the next century as well. And though I have my friends, and some resources, and an idea of where to start, the destruction of the Assembly and the Cobalt Soul’s anti-corruption efforts have left our nation in a sorry state regarding reputable mages. So, my dear friend, as we have worked together in the past, I have quite a large favor to ask.

And as Essek’s eyes continued scanning further down the page, the sinking sensation gripping his stomach was not helped by the decanter of plum wine that floated over to his table.

—

Meanwhile, beneath a shining sun on what seemed like the opposite side of the world, Caleb Widogast, the appointed head of a yet-to-be-named-academy was being berated by one of his closest friends.

Beau at least had possessed the decency to shut the tent flap so the army of woodworkers outside would not hear this.

“—suspicious! Caleb, there’s no way it’ll work. And not just because he’s the Shadowhand of the Bright Queen, also because…because…well…everything!”

“I think if he carried an umbrella during the day—”

“Not what I’m talking about,” Beau said. “I’m talking about literally every other problem that asking Essek to teach will cause, good gods.”

Caleb leaned back on the small wooden crate that was currently serving as his favorite chair. The slightly-larger crate he was using for a desk said “Honigblumen Brewery” on it.

“Well, nobody will be teaching for quite some time yet,” he said, “so we will have plenty of chances to work out the kinks.”

Beau shook her head at him, then took a seat. “I’m so far down disbelief city that I’m not even going to talk about the fact that you just said kinks.”

“I meant—”

She waved a dismissive hand. “I know what you meant, and here’s what I mean. Caleb, as much as I know you like Essek, there’s no way any of this is gonna work. First of all, he’s already got a job as the Shadowhand, and I doubt he’d wanna give up a cushy position like that to come work for a nothing-at-all school in the middle of the Empire.”

“Ja, I know, I know, I’ve thought about that—”

“And did you think about the part where he’s the fucking Shadowhand and you’ve asked him to come to the middle of the Dwendalian Empire to teach a goddamn gen-ed course?!”

Caleb was quiet for a moment. And then he said:

“Actually, I was thinking of asking him to take the more advanced levels—”

Beau reached across the ale crate to flick Caleb in the head. “And you don’t see a problem with that, at all? Caleb, for the gods’ sake, use your stupidly big head to consider the fuckin’ political ramifications of that. If the Empire catches wind of this, they’re gonna hate it, war over or not over. And I don’t even mean that in a ‘there’s gonna be shitty racism’ way, which is something else you’ll probably have to deal with later, I meant that in a ‘think about his last job description way.” And speaking of that, I mean, on Essek’s side, really, are you really expecting him to really settle down and help teach after he’s spent a lifetime—a human lifetime—being a military spymaster? Not to mention the fact that he’s a power-hungry war criminal who betrayed his own nation to get ‘arcane secrets’ or whatever. Seriously, dude, there’s no scenario where this goes well for you or him.”

At Caleb’s expression, Beau’s tone eased just slightly and she added, as a peace offering, “Really, dude.”

Caleb sighed. He scratched at his head.

“I…look. I…I think you’re right, but…there are also good possibilities of having him around. He is knowledgeable, he is skilled, I know his magic firsthand, and he has always been trustworthy—”

“Ha!”

“—for us, Beauregard. I think he is one of our best potential candidates, especially as he is only one of three so far. Just…trust me on this one, alright?”

She studied his face intently. The sheerness of the tent walls let in quite a bit of light, giving both of their eyes a faint, sunny sparkle.

With these two, though, it was more of a manic glint.

“What’s this really about?”

“Was?”

Beau leaned closer. “I said, what’s this really about? I don’t think that’s your only motivation. And if I’m gonna trust you, you’ve gotta be straight with me. I know you’re not an idiot, so I believe you when you say you’ve thought about the risks. What’s made them all worth it? What do you really think, and don’t give me that crap about him being a good teacher. You’ve got good teachers. Two advanced ones anyway, and you said yourself yesterday that the rest can be trained. So what’s up? What’s your real game here?”

Caleb floundered only slightly under the intensity of her stare.

“How long have we known each other now? No, fuck that, I pulled you out of the mouth of a forsaken god. Tell me, dickwad. Come on, it’s me.”

And after a moment, Caleb pinched his nose.

“It’s…it’s… it’s partially selfish. And…”

This, Beau understood. She nodded. “And…?”

“And…well, I…was thinking last night, after dinner, about who I want on this project. Aside from you all. And I realized…thinking about everything we have been through, that…for the most part, especially after our…revelations at sea, Essek is one of the people I want around. Largely because, well…”

He gave another sigh.

“Because I want to see what has become of our Xhorhastian friend. More importantly, I want to see if he has…or…could, ah, change.”

“Change,” she said flatly.

“Ja. I…I think I need to seem him change.”

“Because?”

“Because...” Caleb exhaled. “After everything we have been through, what we have seen, after fighting against the Assembly and watching so many mages crumble, I find myself searching for…assurance. Assurance that not every wizard is bad. Assurance that we even deserve this second change. And…if at all possible, what I most would like is to know that anyone, even the most driven and ambitious, the most ruthless, cutthroat, power—as you said, power-hungry—wizard can be shown that there is another way. That…ultimately, all of us can be redeemed.”

He looked back up, and raised an eyebrow. “I want to make this school a force for change. And I want to make it a place where we change, too. I said once before, and I still believe it is so, that Essek and I have a lot of things in common. It is time to see how much we can be changed.”

Beau did not answer for a drawn-out moment, but neither did she look away.

“I think you’re pretty changed, Caleb. That should be a point in your corner already.”

“That’s true,” and this time his smile was a little brighter, “but that is largely due to our group. I think Essek has gotten some of the Mighty Nein treatment, but probably not enough.”

“So…so is he your pet project now, or something?”

“Ach, no, nothing so…no. It is more of a…the thing is, Beauregard, I do consider him a friend. And we got so caught up with the Angel in Irons cult and then the Assembly that, well…it is just, before all that happened, I did like spending time with him.”

“Me too,” she waved a hand, “he had good wine, and when we got him in the hot-tub, he wasn’t that bad. Still don’t know if he’s worth all this. He’s a war criminal—yeah, I know what you and Jester think, but that’s what I think, and Veth agrees. Seriously, you never know, he could be too far gone, and I don’t want him near this school and project if it’ll put you in danger or risk anything.”

“We are no strangers to danger,” Caleb murmured. “And I…would like to think that with enough effort, nobody could be so far gone.”

Beau sighed. She leaned across the crate again, but this time it was to put an arm on Caleb’s shoulder.

“You’re really fucking stubborn, you know that?”

“Ja, so I have been told.”

“Essek has betrayed people before. His people, before.”

“Yes, but…” Caleb shrugged. “He also will probably be betraying his own nation to join this school.”

“Oh, good,” Beau grunted. “So at least he’s had some practice.”

—

By the time Essek had managed to re-arrange his thoughts into something even mildly resembling order, the letter in his hands was so thoroughly crumpled that all its corners were bent.

He attempted to smooth them back out. When this failed to be satisfactory, he put it back on the kitchen table.

A…teaching position at Caleb’s school. Well not Caleb’s school, but a new Empire Academy that Caleb would oversee. And they needed instructors, as well as mages to help build it, and he thought Essek would be a good fit…

Idly, he wondered if Caleb wanted a teleportation network, as many of the finest institutions had. He wondered if this was something he would have to organize.

Apparently, the Mighty Nein had defeated the Chained Oblivion in some obscure corner of the world, without most of civilization even noticing. But Essek remembered the readings that morning, remembered the clamor and panic in the Cathedral, remembered the theurgists in the Conservatory practically tearing themselves apart to understand what was happening. If their claims were true, and this wasn’t an elaborate prank on the Mighty Nein’s end, a large part of Essek vowed he would draw chalk circles for them forever, if they asked.

But a small part of Essek had the needling thought: why didn’t they tell me it was happening? I could have helped them.

He glanced back at the note.

Well, they were asking for help now, weren’t they? And if nothing else had changed, it was the simple fact that Essek would still do his best to help his friends.

There were just some minor complications to be dealt with.

Namely, what to tell the Bright Queen. And his—

He made a face.

—and his mother.

—

A few days later, Essek stood in front of his bathroom mirror.

It was a beautiful piece, made from polished volcanic glass and set into an ornately-twisted frame of dark metal. It was the perfect gift for someone who regularly floated around Rosohna being called the Shadowhand, but as far as mirrors actually went it left some details lacking.

Still, it served Essek well enough, and he’d never really gotten around to replacing it.

He stared into his dim reflection and slid a hand over his chin.

—

Elsewhere, another wizard stared too, but not into any reflective surface.

Veth’s eyes hadn’t refracted light like that for nearly two years, now. But Caleb could still feel the weight of her gaze boring into his skull as she searched for answers.

Eventually, she sat back.

“Alright. How?”

“Yes, I know it’s—was?”

“How?” she repeated, and steepled her fingers. “How are we gonna do it? He’ll need a disguise, right?”

There was a long pause as Caleb processed this. He managed, “You are…not mad?”

“Well, it’s not like I’m happy, but I trust you, Caleb. You have a reason?”

“Er…yes. I quite do.”

“So…alright, then.” There was a pause, then she added, “I am kind of annoyed you already sent the letter without asking, though.”

“Sorry.”

“I feel like I should ground you.”

“That, er…you can, if that makes you feel better.”

Veth genuinely seemed to consider this. Behind them, through the thin tent-walls of the office, they could hear a delighted child running circles around adults. They were, respectively, Luc Brenatto, having the time of his life shooting the Mighty Nein with wooden darts.

They were rounded off, of course. Yeza had seen to that with great care.

“No,” Veth sighed eventually. “No, that probably sets a bad example. I don’t think a professor can ground the Headmaster.”

“Head Professor, do not forget. I trust you the most out of everyone on this project. Not just because you are my friend, but you are qualified. And you really understand our mission.”

His tone of voice suggested that this was a conversation they had had many times. The way Veth’s face colored just slightly suggested she was still having trouble with the ‘qualified’ part.

Nevertheless, years of trained suspicion broke through the treacle-sweet flattery.

“But you didn’t trust me enough to tell me you were planning to ask Essek to come earlier,” she pointed out. “What did you think I was going to do?”

Caleb winced. “No, Veth, I…scheisse. That was…I was being impulsive that night. I…the idea occurred to me and I did not even hesitate to contact him. I…in retrospect, I should have.”

At least, to his relief, Veth nodded in response. “I get that,” she shrugged. “And like I said before, I am on board. You’re lucky I like you so much, Caleb. I don’t…care for Essek, but if this is what you want, I’ll…deal with having him around.”

“I am sorry again,” he said. “And, er…if it helps, you will also be his boss.”

Veth hadn’t been a goblin for years, but her eyes gleamed.

“Please be nice to him,” Caleb added.

“Nice?” Veth scoffed. “He’s not exactly nice.”

“He was nice to us—”

“Not Yeza.”

At the tortured grimace that passed across Caleb’s face, Veth sighed.

“Look, don’t worry, seriously. I was mostly kidding—I’m kidding! I just…you know that I have complicated feelings about Essek. In a…in a sort of way, I understand what he did. And I know where he’s coming from, I do. Lots of us are...well, we were pretty sketchy too. He really reminds me of the things we’ve done. But…he hasn’t shown nearly as much remorse as I’d like. And some of the things he’s done are—” She risked a glance up into Caleb’s impassive expression, “—I don’t like that he still doesn’t seem to care. But…he is a wizard, and I guess he’s our friend. So…if you can keep him from doing anything, I don’t know, very sketchy, then I’m on board. I trust you.”

Caleb’s expression went soft. He nodded.

“Thank you, Veth. I appreciate your cooperation in this matter.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“And I do hope that…well, I hope we can stop him from ‘sketchy’ things. In fact, ah…a small part of me is hoping that eventually, he will want to stop doing sketchy things all by himself.”

“Really?” Veth sounded more than skeptical. “How?”

Caleb shrugged. “The same way you and I did, no?”

—

Now Essek stood before the iron wrought gates that led into the expansive manor grounds of his family home. He could see, high above and a bit back, the five towers that made up the domain of the Umavi of Den Thelyss, long empty after all her children had moved on.

And, Essek recalled with a grimace, after his father had most probably, definitely, died.

It was a lonely castle. A feeling he could commiserate with, even in his smaller manor.

He straightened his collar. He knocked twice.

—

“By getting rich as adventurers.”

“By getting friends.”

—

“It is a surprise to see you here,” said Umavi Deirta Thelyss, Denmother of Den Thelyss and also Essek’s actual mother. “You rarely visit outside formal events and holidays.”

She did not add that Essek had totally missed the last two get-togethers, and thus must have been in a charitable mood. The rare—albeit leftover—tea blend that Essek had brought might have tipped the scale.

“I know, Mother.”

“I worry about you, of course.”

“I know, Mother.”

“And I’m certainly proud of what you’ve accomplished thus far.” At this, she took a sip of the Blooming Grove’s best. “I trust you are finding ways to keep yourself busy even during these times of peace?”

“Of course, Mother. Er…actually, it is partially that subject which I wish to address with you.”

His mother lowered her cup.

“Ah. So this is not purely a social call.”

“Er…no.”

She dabbed at the corner of her mouth, but Essek could have sworn she’d just smiled. Or, he backpedaled, at least tactfully smirked.

“Is this about access to the Beacons again, dear? As I always say, I can try to put in a word, but we have never been the den as involved in religious matters.” She paused, and tilted her head at him. “Is this about Consecution?”

“Er…no.”

“Oh. Well, then? Speak your mind.”

Under the table, Essek twisted at the hem of his sleeve.

“I, ah…well, that is…I’ve received a letter, Mother. An offer of…professorship. From…an Academy.”

This seemed to genuinely surprise the Umavi.

“Professorship? But…why?”

“Someone out there believes in my arcane prowess, apparently.” With the first sentence out of the way, Essek managed to sip his tea. Only a true observer would have noticed it falter slightly in its trajectory.

“Well,” said his Mother, trying to meet his gaze, “what a strange request to make of one already so gainfully employed. As the Bright Queen’s master of…let us call them the more obscure matters of state.”

When Essek did not match her eyes, she continued, “What sort of Academy is this, dear? Surely none in the Marble Tomes would write you in this way, and I find difficulty imagining you taking up permanent residence in Asarius. Which must mean…”

Essek sighed. His mother certainly was a true observer.

“Yes, Mother. It is outside the Dynasty.”

“Worse than that, I am sure.”

“Er…”

There was a sweeping of long robes as his mother leaned. She wasn’t wearing her headdress, but could loom without height, her sheer imposing presence doing the work just fine.

“Essek?”

He sighed again.

“Inside the Empire, Mother.” And because they had gotten this far, and he didn’t have much else to lose, he added, “Run by Widogast. Caleb Widogast, if you remember him, as well as a number of his friends, I gather. It is the…replacement institution currently being built to fill the void—”

“That the Assembly left, yes, I assumed.” She settled back, and a shifting of fabric indicated that she had crossed her arms. “And our dearly departed hero Widogast wants you to teach there?”

“And to assist him in establishing some of its curriculum and facilities, yes.” He tactfully ignored the ‘dearly departed’ bit.

“That would certainly be an odd career move for you, Essek. And surely, foreigner or no, he has spent enough time in our country to be aware of the implications of what he is asking.”

“Surely, Mother.”

“And as we all know, he has had training in Dunamancy these last years. I do hope his teacher had impressed upon him how vitally important it is to keep such training and knowledge a secret.”

For the first time since reading the letter, Essek paused.

In all his…well, excitement was not a word ever ascribed to the Shadowhand, but certainly in his anticipation to consider his offer, it had never actually crossed his mind that he might be asked to teach Dunamancy.

A small but very significant part of him riled.

Across the table, his mother drank some more tea. She was watching her son, who to his credit, had mastered the art of freezing his micro-expressions so swiftly that they could not be read. But without his mantle on, sitting in his mother’s tearoom, his hands were fidgeting up a storm across the table.

He probably hadn’t even noticed. She took another sip.

In a matter of seconds, Essek was back. He shook his head, and reached for a dry cookie.

“I think he is aware of the gravity of the situation. And I trust him to have already, ah…weighed the pros and cons.”

“And have you?” asked Deirta Thelyss, knowing the answer.

Essek bit down.

“I believe I have.”

—

“So…that’s it? We just wait for an answer, now?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think he’ll say yes?”

“Well, I certainly hope so.”

“How’s he supposed to tell you?” This one was Jester, leaning across a stack of milk crates. “He doesn’t have Sending, I’m pretty sure.”

There was a pause in the air as the Mighty Nein watched Caleb consider, and realize this.

“Oh,” he said eventually. “I, er…I had assumed he did.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Beau said. “How did you think he was going to answer back? You didn’t think Xhorhas had a postal service to Felderwin, did you?”

“I, ah, admit that—”

“Maybe you should check our mailbox in Rosohna,” said Fjord kindly. “He probably just sent it to the Xhorhouse, or something.”

Caleb faltered, and scratched the back of his head. “…scheisse. You don’t think he has been waiting all this time to answer already, has he? I had not even considered—”

“I would not worry about that.”

All of them turned as a voice outside the door drifted in through the thin walls of the tent.

Then the voice added:

“How do I…oh, there is a latch—”

But he did not manage to finish the assessment before Jester ran over, threw the flap open, and tackled Essek bodily in a hug.

—

“In that case, there is only one last thing to say.” The Umavi of Den Thelyss sat back in her seat. A thin trail of steam curled up from her cup.

“I forbid you from going.”

“Thank—you what?”

She steepled her fingers. “I say ‘no,’ Essek. I will not let you chase this Empire wizard across the continent to teach at his school.”

“I…but…that is not…Mother, why?”

The swiftness of his outburst answered the question for both of them.

She studied his gaze.

“Essek, you have a purpose here. You have a bright future, and a reputation, and glowing prospects and I will not let you squander that to go off spilling our nation’s secrets.”

Essek managed to bite his tongue just in time. His mother would not have liked his instinctual answer.

Instead, he choked out the words, “I’ll quit, then. I’ll defect. I want to do this. More than I have ever wanted anything else in my life.”

Later, he would wonder why he said that. Even later, later, he would wonder if that were true.

The oldest and nearly-youngest souls of Den Thelyss stared at each other across the tea table. Their drinks cooled, and somewhere high above, the sun began to rise over the city of Rosohna.

But down here, beneath the blanket of perpetual stars, the only light was from the low, flickering lamps along the wall.

“I would do anything,” one said.

“…is that so?” said the other.

—

He was released after the impact knocked his parasol aside and his skin very quickly, visibly, began to redden. They immediately ushered him into the tent, shouting and laughing and clapping him on the back all the way, though he noticed that despite the friendly reception from Jester, Caduceus, Fjord, and even Yasha, Veth seemed somewhat frozen in her smile, and Beau even less warm.

That was…probably to be expected, actually. He wondered if this might present an issue and was about to open his mouth, say something, until he noticed a figure striding across the tent floor, side-stepping a stack of crates, and taking him by the hand.

Essek met his eyes. It had been some time, since he saw those eyes. Then he blinked.

“By the light, Caleb, you have grown a beard.”

There was a pause, and then Caleb laughed, and that was new too. Essek always forgot how quickly humans could change.

“I had meant to shave it before you arrived,” Caleb admitted. “It is, ah, a product of sleepless nights overseeing the construction of a new school.”

“It’s terrible,” Jester said. “It makes you look old.”

“I can fix this now if needed,” said a voice, followed by the sound of an unsheathing sword.

“Er…maybe…later, bitte?”

And Essek couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. “I nearly forgot how boisterous all of you are, all the time. I have…” He turned, faced the Mighty Nein. “My life has not been nearly as interesting without you in it.”

“Well then, welcome back,” Caduceus gave a smile.

And even Veth, despite their…history, stepped forward.

“I said it once before, didn’t I? Welcome to the Mighty Nein, Essek.”

She even stuck out a hand for him to shake.

—

“I want you to report back everything to me. And when the time comes, when your Headmaster is summoned to the castle, I want you to go with him.”

“But…Mother, why?”

Her voice was nothing but gentle as she addressed her son.

“It is well-known that King Bertrand Dwendal has no heirs. And rules over quite a…combative court, with an iron fist.”

She leaned in even closer.

“What would happen to the Empire, do you think, if he was removed from that picture?”

—

And somewhere else, on what felt like the opposite side of the world, Caleb put an arm around Essek’s shoulder, and grinned.

“It is good to see you again, my friend.”

Essek’s lip twitched into what could approximately be called a smile.

“Good to see you as well,” he said.

#to be continued...?#critical role #critfic #shadowgast #critrole #cr2 #the mighty nein #fanfiction #fanfic #jay writes #long post #LONG ASS POST #SUCH A LONG POST IM SO SORRY #for later #i dont have a tag for this yet so let's call it #time to build a magic school #text #fic

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chockfullofsecrets · 3 years

Note

For the sentence starter:

Don't forget, I can make this a lot worse.

“Don’t forget,” Fjord says calmly, “I can make this a lot worse. So if I were you, I might start talking about why I’m invisible and sneaking out in the middle of the night.”

Caleb, unfortunately, doesn’t seem inclined to explain himself - makes sense, given that Fjord’s only caught him because he’s gotten extremely paranoid about checking for scrying. Still, that doesn’t give him the right to glower. “I need to concentrate, Fjord,” he hisses, tugging fruitlessly at the grip on his forearm, “and I need to go, so-”

Fjord considers for a moment. “You know what, let me show you something real quick and then you can be on your merry way.”

Caleb protests all the way down the stairs - and stops promptly as Fjord drags him into the sitting room, where the majority of the Nein are lounging in front of the fire and chatting. Caduceus’ ears swivel in their direction anyway, and he greets them with a lazy nod. “Hey, Fjord.”

“Evening, Caduceus.” Fjord drops into a chair, bundling an invisible Caleb unceremoniously into his lap, and smiles peaceably at the rest of them. “You guys know how it’s been simply ages since we all ganged up on Caleb?”

Caleb, still fussing in his lap, goes very, very still. Fjord throws a subtle wink in his direction and starts searching through his coat for that particularly delicate spot along the backs of his ribs.

“Fuck, it has,” Beau says, flexing her fingers thoughtfully. “No wonder I can’t remember how to beg for my fucking life in Zemnian anymore.”

Fjord finds the spot and drums his fingers against it, fighting down a smile as Caleb jumps nervously and looks wide-eyed at him.

“Oh,” Jester enthuses, tail crooking excitedly behind her, “if we’re doing that again, I call his armpits! He makes the cutest face-” She squishes her cheeks in her hands in a vague attempt to demonstrate.

“Ah,” Fjord says. “Yeah, that’s a good spot, isn’t it.”

The face Caleb makes at him when he worms a thumb up under his arm and rubs it in gentle circles isn’t nearly as cute, in his opinion, though it has its own appeal - his lips are pressed together even as they turn up into a helpless smile, eyes filled with ticklish terror as he fights to maintain control of the invisibility spell.

Fjord smirks. Concentration, huh? He can work with that.

#tickling #critical role #fjord #caleb widogast #chocfic #can you believe i haven't written lee!Caleb yet for any of these #Anonymous

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angelsndragons · 3 years

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Well, I don't know about you but I have watched Caduceus' conversations with Beau and Lucien about a dozen times each so let's compare and contrast.

So, the conversation with Beau highlights how far both of them have come since Caduceus joined the party. Beau is, dare I say it, downright gentle in her poking and prodding Caduceus' reactions. She's approaching Caduceus both from a place of concern and a place of equality; she doesn't feel the need to try to control the conversation or to find some angle to work. She pulls straight from Yasha's playbook back in the dance hall, making me wonder just how much of Caduceus and Yasha's conversation she actually got (that Observant feat is no joke, y'all). Beau approaches with a thank you for the healing, which by itself shows her growth, she acknowledges that she needed the help and is openly appreciative of it, then asks how Caduceus is doing. She gives him time and space to answer rather than impatiently jumping the gun, acknowledges his feelings, lightly prods his previous trauma, then finds a plan that everyone can presumably live with. She tries to speak Caduceus' language of fate, myth, and religion by harkening back to the Kiln and she lets him go when he’s obviously done. All in all, it is an amazing display of just how far asshole rebel without a cause, abrasive as fuck Beauregard Lionett has come. Props to her and Marisha.

But this meta is about Caduceus so let's talk about his growth. Because guys. Guys. If you need evidence that Caduceus has grown and let some of his walls down, this is it. He tells Beau he “doesn't like this” and goes as far as he can to explain what specifically is messing with him. Not only is this thing unnatural, it is a mockery of life. They are not alive, not truly, they go against everything he stands for. He expresses his desires clearly and plainly, “I want to burn it on the way out.” He acknowledges the rifts between himself and the others, then explains his thought process clearly and completely: that they are low on resources, that they might have to fight their way out anyway and the sooner they leave the better, and that he doesn't think the crest will just break. Anyone want to take a gander at the last time Caduceus laid out his deal like this? Trick question, he really hasn't. He has had a couple of moments where he talks out an idea but he rarely goes this in depth. Speaking this directly and specifically on his feelings and opinions just doesn't happen very often. For all that Caduceus believes other people need to talk about their feelings, he is very much a doer, not a talker, he doesn’t process that way. Caduceus doesn’t explain himself as a rule yet here he is, trying as hard as he can to make Beau understand.

Contrast that conversation with his talk with Lucien. So, first of all, we know that Caduceus loathes what Lucien is trying to accomplish and has nothing but contempt towards the city and efforts to bring it back to the Material Plane. At best, Caduceus pities Lucien; he’s willing to believe that Lucien Knows Not What He Does and is being manipulated by the city. At worst, well, there’s always a plant that needs compost and Caduceus is more than happy to make some. He tells Beau this episode that “there’s something very wrong with your friend.” Yet Caduceus does what he always does when faced with an unknown, currently non-hostile threat- he starts with polite small talk. From the Gentleman to Avantika, from Ludinus to Essek, from pirates to stone giants to yetis, Caduceus’ default mode for dealing with threats is to play nice and polite and to figure out what information he can glean to use against them. People underestimate Caduceus right up until he reads them for filth and he totally pushes that polite, harmless image.

Now, I need some nervous nellies to pause and ask themselves why in the world Caduceus would “open up” to Lucien mere seconds after threatening the man. Because that is what his comment “I’ve never met anybody who looks like you before. For the record,” is. It is as close to a threat as Caduceus will ever utter. And if you don’t believe me, please rewatch the Roasting of Trent Ickithon and then watch this conversation again; Caduceus has the exact same polite bitch face energy there that he does here. Well, there, he was scolding Ickithon, here he is straight up warning Lucien. I also need you all to remember that conversation he just had with Beau, the one where he delves into specifics and keeps pushing himself until Beau understands where he’s coming from. This conversation is not that. Caduceus spends this entire conversation playing into Lucien’s expectations and dodging around his real intent up here.

Actually, let’s talk about his ‘I’m confused’ bit here. He’s not confused about his ultimate goal. Caduceus has been driving the ‘we have to stop the Astral Sea City’ train from the literal moment it showed up. He’s the one who saw the Abyss stare back at them, he’s the one who insisted they ask Yussa, who asked Beau push her Cobalt Soul resources, who asked the literal Mother of All Nature for answers, who’s pushing for Essek’s help. Him, not the others. Hell, boy was asking Jester to ask the Traveler what the hell is going on, that is how anti-city he’s been this entire time. He knows what needs to be done, the question in the air is how. This changed because the Nein’s circumstances changed; they now have a crest and Lucien caught up to them much faster than they anticipated. Are they supposed to let Lucien summon the thing and take it out? Or is it better to wait for him to gather all the items and destroy them so they can never be used? What’s stopping the next guy from coming up here and doing the ritual themself? And what precisely is he supposed to do about Lucien and Molly? It speaks highly of Taliesin’s roleplay skills and the consistency with which he’s played Caduceus that Matt never once called for a deception check, despite the fact that Matt knows that Caduceus is directly opposed to Lucien and his goals AND is hiding that information. Taliesin and Caduceus danced so skillfully around that fact, it was a delight to watch.

Bottom line, Caduceus is very good at feigning vulnerability to get what he wants or to come off as a lesser threat. He told the Gentleman a bit about his worry for his family to induce the man to reconcile with Jester. He expressed his confusion and worry to the Nein and Essek at that dinner. Seriously, go watch those conversations and then go back to the Lucien conversation, it’s kind of eerie how well that playbook works. That pseudo-vulnerability was in direct service in getting the other person to do what Caduceus wanted them to do, it was not shared just because or in any real meaningful fashion. Both of those instances were direct manipulation tactics he learned at the Grove, comforting the bereaved. People are more comfortable sharing their issues and worries, after all, when you give them a little morsel of your own. People build a rapport around perceived sharing of vulnerabilities. People are more likely to do what you want when you have such a rapport. And that’s precisely what Caduceus did here; he didn’t tell Lucien anything Lucien didn’t know or couldn’t guess himself, he traded a small nugget about his own confusion for Lucien’s curiosity and it worked. The Tomb Takers and the Mighty Nein are stuck together for the foreseeable future and I for one can’t wait to see what growth awaits Caduceus next.

TL;DR: Caduceus has only ever been really openly vulnerable with the Nein, the rest is playing possum. Please don’t fall for it or worry that he’s actually unloading onto strangers when he’s actually unloaded quite a lot, for him at least, on his friends and loved ones. His growth is undeniable.

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miraculousladybugandconsent · 3 years

Text

Am I in a Healthy Relationship?

It Feels Like Love — But Is It?

It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be.

What Makes a Healthy Relationship?

Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these qualities:

Mutual respect.

Does he or she get how great you are and why? Make sure your BF or GF is into you for who you are.

Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away, without trying to get you to change your mind?

Respect in a relationship means that each person values the other and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.

Trust.

You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool, or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him?

It's okay to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters.

There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.

Honesty.

This one goes hand-in-hand with trust, because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest.

Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie?

Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends?

The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her, and the trust will be on shaky ground.

Support.

It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you.

Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart, but not that interested in hearing about the good things in your life.

In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.

Fairness/equality.

You need to have give-and-take in your relationship.

Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see?

As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as they hang out with yours?

You'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance.

Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get their way all the time.

Separate identities.

In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises, but that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself.

When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change.

Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love.

And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.

Good communication.

Can you talk to each other and share feelings that are important to you?

Don't keep feelings bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your partner wants to hear.

And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that.

What's an Unhealthy Relationship?

A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior.

Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each other — emotionally, verbally, or physically. For some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or okay, but it's not!

Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect, or how to expect the same treatment. This does not make it okay to disrespect you!

Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship.

Someone who doesn't yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist before he or she is ready for a relationship.

Meanwhile, even though you might feel bad or feel for someone who's been mistreated, you need to take care of yourself — it's not healthy to stay in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind.

Even if your partner was or is being abused, it is never okay for them to abuse you, and you aren’t a bad person for keeping yourself safe.

Warning Signs

When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it's a sign of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.

Ask yourself, does my partner:

get angry when I don't drop everything for them?

criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?

keep me from seeing friends or from talking to other guys or girls?

want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?

ever raise a hand when angry, like they were about to hit me?

try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

These aren't the only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your partner is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or — this is a big one — harm you physically or sexually, then it's time to get out, fast.

Let a trusted friend or family member know what's going on, and make sure you're safe.

It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence, possessiveness, or anger as an expression of love.But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy.

No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything they don't want to do.

Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?

Ever heard about how it's hard for someone to love you when you don't love yourself? It's a big relationship roadblock when one or both people struggle with self-esteem problems.

Your partner isn't there to make you feel good about yourself if you can't do that on your own.

Focus on being happy with yourself, and don't take on the responsibility of worrying about someone else's happiness.

What if you feel that your girlfriend or boyfriend needs too much from you? If the relationship feels like a burden or a drag instead of a joy, it might be time to think about whether it's a healthy match for you.

Even if your partner is mentally ill, or struggling with something in their personal life, it doesn’t mean you have to stay with them. A relationship is supposed to benefit both sides and make you both happy. If all it’s doing is making you miserable, it’s okay to end it.

You are never obligated to stay in a relationship, no matter your reasons for ending it.

If your partner ever threatens you with hurting themselves if you leave them, tell a trusted adult immediately, and end the relationship. Even if someone is mentally ill, it is never okay to threaten self-harm or suicide to keep someone in a relationship, and you are not responsible for their actions, even if they try to blame you. Tell a trusted adult that your partner was threatening to hurt themselves, and end the relationship.

Manipulating someone with the threat of self-harm or suicide is abusive, and it is never okay.

If you are struggling with suicidal ideation or thought of self-harm, talk to a trusted adult or call a helpline. You can talk to your partner about the way you feel, but it is not okay for you to use your mental illness as a threat or a manipulation tactic.

Feeling suicidal doesn’t always mean you want to die, wishing you didn’t exist or were never born is another common symptom. Click here to find out how you can get help if you’re feeling suicidal or want to hurt yourself.

Another reason relationships might seem so difficult is because intense relationships can be hard for teens.

Some are so focused on their own developing feelings and responsibilities that they don't have the emotional energy it takes to respond to someone else's feelings and needs in a close relationship.

Don't worry if you're just not ready yet. You can take all the time you need, even if you decide you never want to date at all.

Ever notice that some teen relationships don't last very long? It's no wonder — you're both still growing and changing every day. You might seem perfect for each other at first, but that can change. If you try to hold on to the relationship anyway, there's a good chance it will turn sour. Better to part as friends than to stay in something that you've outgrown or that no longer feels right for one or both of you.

And before you go looking for amour from that hottie from French class, respect your current beau by breaking things off before you make your move. Cheating isn’t okay, no matter your reasons.

Relationships can be full of fun, romance, excitement, intense feelings, and occasional heartache, too.

Whether you're single or in a relationship, remember that it's good to be choosy about who you get close to. If you're still waiting, take your time and get to know plenty of people, and know that no choice needs to be permanent.

Think about the qualities you value in a friendship, and see how they match up with the ingredients of a healthy relationship.

Work on developing those good qualities in yourself — they make you a lot more attractive to others.

And if you're already part of a pair, make sure the relationship you're in brings out the best in both of you.

source

#relationships #healthy relationships #romance #dating #miraculous ladybug #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Adrien Agreste #Chat Noir #Ladybug #Adrienette #Lovesquare #Marichat #Ladynoir #important #signal boost #abusive relationships #unhealthy relationships #abuse

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