#but that's what she gets for having abusive methods for controlling the family
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˚₊‧꒰ა All Good Girls Burn In Hell ♡ S.Eunseok ff ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
💠pairing: Eunseok x Reader!afab | 💠wc: 7.1k | 💠cw: profanity, religious themes, drug use, abuse, coercion, protected and unprotected sex | 💠plot: Your tired of being mommy’s little girl so you sneak out to a college party with the Devil’s Advocate…
With the pressure of being the perfect daughter weighing on your shoulders, the last thing you needed right now was a boy.
Especially not when that boy was Song Eunseok
He was everything you weren’t and the complete opposite of what your parents
believed in.
Rule Breaker. Trouble Maker. Bad Boy.
His beauty... charmed you like a snake, entrapping you in his comforting grasp before crushing the life out of you.
His words... were like the devil’s music, enchanting you with his lovely tune as he led you down a path of darkness.
And his eyes... God his eyes were the most delicate yet aggressive feature of his face. Boldly standing out with a gentle aura surrounding them.
He was the perfect temptation. Sent by Satan himself to draw you away from purity and righteousness.
And you were the perfect target. You were weak and he could tell, which is what made corrupting you that much easier.
Your home life was just about as chaotic as you'd expect an extremely religious family to be.
“Honor thy father and thy mother, for this is the first commandment with promise,” she would say this whenever you did anything remotely ‘disrespectful’ in her eyes. “Don’t you want to live a long and happy life?”
Sometimes her words felt like vain repetition or taunts echoing through your head, as her method of reprimanding you often came in the form of lectures.
The neurotic controlling nature of your mother could only be tamed by one thing—aside from the public eye—and that one thing was…your father.
Unfortunately he was no longer around and your mother often blamed you for his absence.
Your mother taught you that a wife should submit to her husband for he is the head of the family and you--as his wife--are to be his helpmate.
Though that sounds fair, for the most part, Mom had a much harsher way of embedding what she believed into the lives of her children. Especially her daughters.
After your rebellious older sister ran off 4 years ago with her motorcycle-riding girlfriend, all hell broke loose at home. You had now been promoted to the oldest of the siblings and were therefore subject to physical pain on top of everything else. It felt like you permanently resided within the confines of a chapel, which often felt more like a prison than a home.
You’d had enough of this torture. You needed a break away from the unreasonably structured environment. Just for once, you wanted to feel like you were the one pulling the strings.
Never did you expect to hand your strings over to a new puppet master.
To keep things brief, you'd met Eunseok through your best friend Faith. Ironically, she was a girl you met at Sunday school in 9th grade who definitely wasn’t the perfect little angel people thought she was.
One time her dad almost caught her smoking outside. The way she launched that bud halfway across the street before sticking a sucker in her mouth was insane. Another time you could remember her telling you the story of how she snuck a boy into her room to have sex while her parents were sleeping…well the boy was her boyfriend, but still.
She had a wild side that you found alluring. Which made you wonder if you had a one too, well one apart from the scenarios you enacted in your imagination.
As a freshman in college, you were ready to try to relax a little.
"Or maybe not," you thought to yourself as you woke up to the sound of religious music playing from the kitchen. Your mother did this nearly every morning at the exact same time, almost like clockwork.
You could smell the coffee brewing, coupled with the scent of bread toasting. You knew you could only roll around in bed for a few more minutes before it was time to get up. Not only did you still have a bedtime, but you also had a specific time to wake up. No later than 8 o'clock were you expected to be out of your pajamas and have your bed made.
"Nothing comes to a man in his sleep, but dreams," another saying your mother loved repeating.
You lived in a house with two younger twin brothers and shared a room with your big sister. Though, now that she was gone, dust bunnies were the only thing sleeping in her bed.
One thing you had to learn was to be the first one in the bathroom. Sometimes you'd get up earlier to avoid the chaotic morning bustle.
After getting dressed you grabbed an apple for breakfast and waited for your mom to drop you off for your first day of uni. Luckily, you and Faith were going to the same university, so that eliminated the anxiety that came with being completely alone on a huge campus for the next four years of your life.
Unfortunately, loneliness, like most of your other personal problems, was none of your mother's concern. "Read and pray," she'd tell you. "The Lord will comfort you."
As this was your first semester in college, you decided to knock out a good chunk of your core classes, English, Math, History, and Politics.
After 3 hours that felt more like a lifetime, your first lecture had finally ended. By now hungry didn't compare to what you were experiencing right now. Unfortunately, you forgot to bring your wallet which meant that water would have to fill you up for now.
“I can already tell this semester is going suck ass. And the next 16 weeks of my life or going to be a nightmare from hell,” Faith sighed as she dropped her backpack on the ground beside her.
You had met up with her outside at one of the round red tables that were scattered across the open green field.
"Oh, come on you can’t say that. It’s only the first day, give it about a week or so, and then see if you still feel the same way," you said trying to encourage her to look on the bright side.
"No, you don’t get it. This guy hates me, like literally hates me. You should've seen the way he looked at me," she sighed. "God, he was such a fucking scumbag."
"Who?"
"My stupid fucking sociology professor. He started nagging about some bullshit and I called him out for it," she rolled her eyes before pulling out a box of cigarettes. "Want one?"
"No, thanks," you held your hand up. "Wait this is a no-smoking zone," you said as Faith lit the end.
"Shit, my bad," she shrugged before picking up her bag and walking off. "You're coming, aren't you? You're not just gonna tell me I can't smoke here and expect me to go off by myself," she held the cigarette between her two fingers.
"No, sorry, I'm coming," you stuttered.
"You better."
You followed your blue-eyed friend to a brick wall that was high enough that when you sat on it your feet couldn't touch the ground.
"So I guess we found our secret place," Faith smiled. "A sweet escape from the terrors of uni and their stupid, boring bullshit," she puffed.
You and Faith often found little areas that you claimed as your own. This was just another spot to add to your map of many discrete destinations.
"Woah, what the hell was that?" Faith looked as your stomach growled uncomfortably loud.
"All I had was an apple this morning and I'm starving," you sighed before cracking open your water bottle to take a sip.
"Well, that water isn't gonna do shit for ya. Let's go grab you something to eat," she hopped off the wall before putting her cigarette out on a rock.
"I can't...I forgot my wallet at home and my mom is already on her way here," you sighed before joining her on the ground.
"So what? I have money. Besides, it's not like she's gonna kill you for grabbing something to eat," Faith slung her bag over her shoulder. "I'm kinda hungry myself."
You’d be lying if you said you didn't have a slight gut feeling that your mom would be upset about this. But maybe Faith was right. There's no way your mom would get mad at you for eating...right?
After splitting a sandwich you headed to the front of the school to find your mom parked in a handicap spot. You waved to Faith as you walked over to the passenger side of the vehicle.
"So, how was your first day of college?" your mom asked as you buckled your seatbelt.
"It was good," you nodded as your mom pulled down the sun visor to reapply her Cherry Blossom Bliss tinted lipgloss. "How was your day?" you asked as you placed your bag on the floor between your legs as you looked out of the window.
"Good," she said plainly as she closed the car mirror and closed her gloss before tucking it away in her clutch bag.
You drove around a bit in silence before you heard the sound of her coin-filled bag swinging through the air. Hitting you in the mouth. Strangely enough, you heard the soft jingle before you actually felt the pain.
"Don't ever keep me waiting like that again. When I come here to pick you up you need to be ready," your mother said as you turned to her in shock, covering your mouth that was now decorated with a sliver of blood that seeped through the crack of your lower lip.
"But, I--" Your attempt to explain yourself was cut off by the stinging pain from your head as your mother dug her nails into your scalp.
"Are you talking back? Don't talk back to me you fucking brat," she spat. At this point, you knew that saying or doing anything else was just going to trigger her to spiral so you wiped the tear from your eye, attempted to fix your hair, and sat back in silence until you made it home.
It was moments like this that you wanted someone to vent to. But what good would that do? Even if you told Faith about this nothing would change. This was your life and the only smart thing you could do was learn from your mistakes.
Don't be late.
Don't talk back.
The next couple of weeks were like the first minus getting attacked for being late. You went to class, you did your homework, and you hung out with Faith. Today, your class had ended early since it was almost spring break and you took this as an opportunity to spend more time with Faith before your mom came to pick you up.
But today was a day to mark on your calendar as the beginning of your ending...
“Hey, Faith,” you said shyly as you noticed the two boys that sat with her. One of them being none other than Eunseok.
She waved to you tapping a spot beside her for you to sit. “Hey girl, we were just talking about going to one of the fraternity houses this weekend for a little get-together,” she smiled mischievously. "What d'you say? Wanna join us for some life-changing fun?"
You knew that look, and nothing good ever came from that. You’d been invited to gatherings like this before and always declined. You never regretted your decision either, especially when she’d tell you about all of the horrible things that happened. Faith never saw the stories how you did, they all sounded like exciting retellings of the glorious moments you missed out on.
"No that's alright," you chuckled as she glared at you with her big blue puppy dog eyes.
"Pleeeeeease," she whined, pouting her lips and squeezing your thigh.
"No, Faith," you giggled. "You're just gonna run off and leave me all by myself."
"I'll be there," Eunseok smirked. "In case she does abandon you," he sat on the opposite side of you placing his arm behind you.
"I-uhh," you stammered.
"Cool it big boy, she's not into that kind of stuff," Faith budded.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't know she was gay," Eunseok said, slightly backing away.
"Oh no. I'm not gay," you spat.
"Okay then, lesbian? Bisexual?"
"No, I'm straight. I just don't like boys," you were doing an awful job at pleading your case and you could see Faith holding in her laughter as she watched the awkward interaction between you two.
"How the hell are you straight, but you don't like boys? That makes no fucking sense."
"No. Wait. I like boys, but I'm not allowed to date."
"Who said anything about dating," he chuckled. "Are you already trying to claim me?"
"I never said that. I mean. Ugh, nevermind," you sighed.
"Relax, I'm just joking. Faith already told me about preserving your purity."
"Yep, I sure did. So you don't have to worry about him trying to lead you astray," Faith smiled.
"Eh hmm," the other boy cleared his throat.
"Oh, right. I forgot. This is Theo. I met him a year ago at a party and we've been friends ever since," Faith said as the boy waved.
"You got me over here feeling like an outcast," he smirked.
"Well, she barely knows that goofball, Eunseok. I think this was the first conversation they ever had." Their conversation faded in the background as you dug deep into your mind only to realize that this was your first time actually speaking to Eunseok.
You were much younger when you first met and you've always been one to keep to yourself. Plus, your sister had just left and life at home wasn't so great. So there wasn't much to talk about.
"So, you're coming right?"
"Huh?"
"The party this weekend...you're coming right?" Faith asked again.
"I don't think so. Sorry," you replied.
"Hmm...well I'm not gonna force you. Maybe next time," she said patting your shoulder. "Oh shit," she sighed as you noticed your mom walking over to you.
"I've been waiting in the car for over an hour now and you're out here goofing off with boys?"
"Mom, it's not like that I was just--"
"I don't wanna hear it. Go get in the car. Right now. We're going home," your mom looked everything but happy right now. She must've known you got out early and had been waiting for you all this time. Scared didn't begin to describe what you were feeling right now.
To your surprise, the entire ride was silent. Even when you made it home, pure silence. You went upstairs to take a shower before going to your room to study.
As you were going through your drawers to pick out an outfit, a head-spinning blow knocked you to the ground. Your mother's angry face hovered over you as she raised her hand to hit you again.
"You attention-seeking slut," she sneered. "You're just like your whoring sister," she hummed before grabbing your hair and dragging you to the middle of your room.
"I didn't do anything! I swear," you whined. "We were just talking!"
"First you'll have boys kissing and touching all over you. And the next thing you know, you'll be with a girl too. You'll be confused and broken. Just like your sister," your mother's eyes pierced through your soul like fiery daggers as she continued to berate you.
"I wish you had been born a boy like your brothers. I'd rather have a house full of men than one filled with whores in training," her words lingered in the air as she walked over to your bedroom door. "Sometimes, I wish your sister would've taken you with her."
Every word you thought of saying was caught in your throat. You were being choked by an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and disparity. This was a common pattern whenever your mom would get violent.
Senseless slut shaming and misjudgment of your character coupled with the clawing sensation of her nails digging into your scalp was too much.
Dragging your hand across your face, you wiped the tears from your cheeks as you curled up into a ball on the floor. The sound of the ceiling fan clinking blended with the ticking of the clock that hung on your wall. You ended up falling asleep on the floor with your knees to your chest.
If not for the lamp on your desk, you'd be in complete darkness.
The next morning you woke up earlier than you normally would. This gave you a chance to shower before going to school.
The water ran down your body as you thought back to what happened last night. You turned your back to the pouring water but flinched as you were met with a stinging pain. You looked over your shoulder to see small scratches on your back--likely from being dragged across the carpet floor.
You searched under the bathroom cabinet for something to clean the wound with. Nothing but a bottle of toner stared back at you.
"Well there's alcohol in it," you mumbled to yourself as you poured the liquid on a cotton ball. You dabbed every spot within your reach before throwing your clothes on.
"You alright?" Eunseok asked. His voice caught you off guard as you drifted off into your thoughts. Faith had walked off for a smoke break with Theo, leaving you behind with the dark-eyed boy.
"Yeah," you smiled feignly.
His energy was different than it had been before. Maybe it was because he saw how your mom behaved when she saw you guys talking.
"You sure? Don't take this the wrong way, but you look like shit," he said tilting his head to meet your eyes.
"There's just a lot on my mind right now," you sighed.
"Wanna talk about it? I'm a pretty good listener."
"No, I'm okay. It's not like that'll do anything anyway," you sniffed. Crying was the one thing you'd never do in public. And you'd rather struggle on your own than bring other people into your personal business for no reason.
"Alright, fine. Well then how about we not talk about it together this weekend."
"I can't go to that party. My mom would kill me."
"Well, you look like you're halfway in the grave already. You could use a bit of excitement in your life."
"But I've never...I can't..."
"You're an adult. You can't let your mom dictate your life forever," you were quiet before he continued. "I'm sure you can just ask your dad, right?"
"Yeah, that would probably work if he was still around."
"Oh...sorry I didn't know."
"It's fine. He's not dead, but he might as well be. I'm sure my mom would be happier if he was."
"If you don't me asking...what happened anyway?"
"Well, basically he left us because my mom is literally insane. They would always fight. And one night he came into our bedroom and slid a note under our pillow," you thought back to the feeling of him placing a kiss on your forehead as you laid there pretending to be asleep. You watched as he wiped the tears from his face. To this day you regret not saying anything. Not doing anything.
"That was the last time you saw him?"
"Yeah..."
"You're going to that party," Eunseok whispered before placing his hand on top of yours.
"How?"
"I'll sneak you out on Saturday night," He said pulling out his phone. "What's your number?"
You looked down at your hands as you shamefully replied. "Even if I give you my phone number, my mom takes it at night time..."
"Damn. Well, I'll just give you my old phone. I barely use it now so I won't be looking for it," he said reaching into his bag. He pulled out the smaller black phone which was protected by a bulky plastic case. "It's a dinosaur, but it still works," he chuckled.
"Are you sure? What if I get caught?"
"Relax, you won't. You just have to keep it hidden until tomorrow night. After that, you're in the clear," he smiled.
"Okay, but if I get in trouble it's all you're fault and I'll probably never forgive you," you said as you took the phone from his hands.
Maybe a night out would do you good...
To be completely honest, it didn't take much convincing to get you on board. He was attractive as hell and as much as you hated it, he definitely had an effect on you.
"Deal," he chuckled as he watched you slip the phone into your bag.
"What are you losers yapping about?" Faith grinned as she skipped back over to you and Eunseok.
"Uh--"
"I was just helping our little friend plan her escape," Eunseok said, cutting you off as he pulled you in for a side hug. "Isn't that right?"
You nodded as Theo clapped his hands together. "Awesome! Another innocent soul to claim for Satan," he words sent chills up your spine as you thought back to what happened the night before.
"Hey? You alright?" Faith asked as your face went blank.
"Yeah...I was just umm...I was just thinking about some stuff," you replied, trying your best to play it off. "Shoot!" you spat.
"What?" Faith asked.
"My mom is on her way. I gotta go," You snatched your bag up and began walking off.
"Oh...but--"
"Sorry, I don't wanna get in trouble again," you continued as you drifted back into your thoughts.
"Hey," you felt a large hand palm your shoulder. You whipped around to see Eunseok standing in front of you. "If you ever need someone to talk to, remember that I'm here for you," you nodded as his hands slid down your arms to your hands.
A warm feeling rushed to your face as all of your previous worries melted away. It was like he was the first person to take your mind off of everything negative in your life. He was like a drug and you were afraid to get addicted.
You both stared at each other for a bit before he pulled you in for a hug. "I'll be over to break you out tomorrow night. Don't forget, okay?" His voice sounded even more soothing when he held you close. The gentle vibrations from his throat were just about as relaxing as soaking in a hot tub.
You hummed in response before walking off to join your mom in the car.
11:24pm tomorrow night...
You quietly tiptoed through the darkness of your bedroom to your dresser. You pulled out the bottom drawer to grab Eunseok's phone from its hidden place.
Feelings of guilt, fear, and anxiety tugged at your heart as you thought back to the moment between you and your mom in the car the day before.
"I'm really sorry for how I reacted the other day..." your mom bit her lip as she gripped the steering wheel. "It's just that I'm afraid to lose you the way I lost your sister..."
You could feel the genuine pain and regret in her tone as she poured out to you.
"I don't want you to make terrible mistakes that you'll regret in the future. And sometimes...exploding is the only way I know how to fix it. That's how my parents were with me."
This was no excuse for her actions, but this did make you feel a sense of pity for her. It was almost enough to make you cancel. But you needed this more than anything else right now.
You just wanted a small taste of what else life had to offer you...
Anything was better than spending all of your free time in this hellhole.
You powered the phone on to text Eunseok.
"She's sleep. You can come pick me up whenever." you sighed as you waited anxiously for him to text back.
"Alright, princess. Your knight in shining armor is on the way to rescue you from the evil dragon." Reading his text made you giggle a bit as you struggled to find anything remotely skimpy to wear. Nothing but an old baby blue dress from your sister hung idly in the back of your closet.
You quickly hopped into the dress and slipped into a pair of silver heels.
*Tap. Tap. Tap*
The tapping sound from the window nearly made you jump out of your skin. The moonlight dimly lit your features as you turned to see Eunseok's face behind the glass. You tapped your finger against your lips, signalling him to stop.
You opened the window and stuck out your first leg to climb out. Eunseok came close to guide you out by the waist. "You ready?" he smirked.
"Yeah," you nodded.
"Then let's get the hell out of here," he chuckled, grabbing your hand and running with you to his orange Dodge Challenger. You climbed into the passenger seat as Eunseok closed the door behind you.
Your heart was beating fast as hell, probably the fastest it's ever beat in your life. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," you lied. Your throat was so dry it felt like you had cotton in your mouth.
"You might be able to lie to your mom, but you can't lie to me. You look like a scared little puppy," he smiled, scanning your body. "Nice dress."
"Thanks, it was my sister's."
"Well you look amazing in it," he turned the keys and you felt the seats rumble gently beneath you. You watched as Eunseok reached down to pull out a V-pen. He breathed in slowly before blowing out the sweet strawberry-scented vapor. "Here. Take this. It'll relax you," he said handing your the plug.
"Uhh...I'm okay. I don't smoke."
"Come on, just try it once. If you don't like it you can stop."
You hesitantly opened your mouth as he brought the device to your lips.
"Just suck it in slowly. Let it fill your lungs and don't try breathing out of your nose at the same time--" You began coughing aggressively, cutting him off mid-sentence. "Or that'll happen," he chuckled, before patting your back.
You looked at him through watery eyes as he reached to hand you a water bottle. "Don't worry, I didn't drink any of it yet."
"Thanks," you sniffed.
"So, what'd you think? D'you like it?"
"It tastes good, but to be honest I didn't notice much of a difference aside from coughing my brains out."
"Well, that one was kinda weak. Hold on. Imma give you something a little stronger," he smiled as he drove to a red light. "Look in the glove box and pull out that little red case," he directed you, pointing his finger at the glove box.
You sifted through the other miscellaneous objects before finding the red case. You placed it in his hand and watched as he pulled out another smoking device.
"Alright, I'm gonna go first and you just copy me okay?" he licked his lips before clasping them around the metal tip. "Just take a little bit first," he said after blowing out the cloud of smoke.
Remembering the mistake you made last time, you sucked in slowly.
"Woah, woah. That should be good enough," Eunseok chuckled as you inhaled the herby smoke.
You blew out the smoke, filling the car with the scent. You still coughed a bit, but it wasn't as bad as before. "That's weed, by the way," Eunseok smiled. "You should be feeling it in a bit."
He wasn't wrong either. You felt a sense of alertness wash over you.
"We're almost there," Eunseok said as he entered a subdivision before pulling up to a house shortly after. Cars were lined up the street, most likely belonging to the other partygoers. You could even hear the music blasting as you sat in the car with Eunseok.
This was the first time you finally noticed that Faith wasn't there. The amount of questionable decisions you were making in such a short time even shocked you.
You walked with Eunseok into to the lively house party hosted by Theo who greeted you at the door with Jell-O shots. "It's about time you got here, princess. We've been waiting for you," he smiled as he took down the cherry-flavored shot you rejected. "Did you get my message?"
"What message?" you asked.
"This one," he said, grabbing your hand to spin you around. "Wanna dance?"
"No, that's alright," you chuckled as he pouted playfully.
"Your loss. I'm a terrific dancer--"
"If by terrific you mean terrible then I'd definitely agree with you," Faith said cutting Theo off. "Hey girl, what do you think of the party? Are you enjoying yourself?"
"Well, we just got here a couple minutes ago."
"Yeah, and I was having a conversation with her until you came over here interrupting us," he poked her nose.
"Puh-lease. I'm sure she's glad I came over here to save her from your boring ass."
"Boring? Boring?! I'll show you whose boring."
"I'm already looking at you dummy," Faith playfully pushed Theo's shoulder. "If you really wanna dance then let's go," she giggled, leading Theo to a corner by the tip of his chin.
"Heh, later princess," he waved to you.
You watched as Theo grabbed Faith's hips. She swayed her hips, grinding her ass against him as he nuzzled into the crook of her neck. A seductive smirk crept across her face as Theo turned her around to face him. He caressed her thigh as he lifted her leg, wrapping it around him. He slowly leaned into her lips, hanging centimeters away from her soft pink lips before she placed her finger on his lips.
"I thought we were just dancing," she beamed.
"Dancing and kissing?" he chuckled awkwardly.
"Uh uh. Man, these shots have you acting extra horny today huh?"
You shook your head, scanning the room for Eunseok. You couldn't believe you were staring at them for that long. You didn't see him anywhere in the kitchen so you went out into the hall to look for him somewhere else.
To be honest, if Faith wasn’t busy teasing Theo, you'd probably be hanging out with her right now. But, Eunseok wasn’t so bad. You actually enjoyed his company.
Still feeling a bit fuzzy and lightheaded from the hit earlier you swayed through the partygoers, silently searching for a familiar face. You were more of a shy person, so engaging with random strangers wasn’t exactly at the top of your list.
“Hey, ~” a dark-haired girl waved to you as she was being dragged off to a bedroom down the hall. “Wanna come have fun with us?”
“No, that’s alright,” you smiled sheepishly.
“Oh come on, baby. I’ll make it worth your while,” the boy said, releasing the other girl’s hand to run his nose against the skin on your neck.
“I said, no,” you spat, pushing him away after he licked the exposed skin on your chest.
“Oh, you wanna play hard to get, huh?” He smirked devilishly as he pressed you against the wall.
You struggled beneath his weight as you looked down to see that the girl had passed out on the floor. Knowing that this was going nowhere good, you swung your free hand to hit him straight in the mouth.
“Argh!” He winced, licking the blood from the broken skin on his lower lip. “You little bitch! You’re gonna regret doing that,” he spat, grabbing your wrist, and twisting it slightly. You groaned at the burning pain travelling down your arm before kicking him between his legs which made him drop to the floor.
While he was on his knees swearing and shouting out all of the horrible things he was gonna do to you, you shook the collapsed girl to try and wake her up. There was no way in hell you were gonna leave her in the hands of this monster.
“Are we gonna play now?” She hummed. “Hmm, I’m sleepy. Can I stay here?”
“No, come on. I gotta get you out of here,” you tugged at her arms. “No girl left behind.”
The boy must’ve been feeling better by the time you finally got her to stand as you felt a set of hands push you to the ground. He grabbed you by the ankles and started to drag you down the hall.
Even though you kicked your legs in an attempt to fight him off, it was useless, he was much stronger than you and you didn’t stand a chance against him now.
Dazed, but conscious enough to see what was going on, the dark-haired girl ran off.
“Dammit,” you thought to yourself. Closing your eyes shut, you prepared yourself to just accept your fate. A set of footsteps ran up the hall toward you as you felt the boy drop your legs to the ground.
“Ugh!” He groaned as you opened your eyes to see a beer bottle had been smashed against his head.
You watched as Eunseok punched the boy in the face until blood came from his nose. His hair bounced at the force of every blow. You could tell he had broken his nose by the way his face had contorted.
“Let’s go,” Eunseok said, looking at you still on the ground. He grabbed the boy by the shirt and proceeded to drag him to the front door. “Does your brother know you’re here?” He spat looking to the dark-haired girl who you assumed ran to get Eunseok.
“I’m almost 18. I can make my own decisions,” she stuttered.
“Right, and we see where that almost got you. Come on, I’m taking you home,” Eunseok said as he walked up to a dark-skinned guy. “Lance! Can you keep an eye on this fucker? The cops are already on their way for him.” Eunseok said as he abandoned the lunatic who tried to assault you and the other girl. “He was trying to make a move on Eunchae.”
“Sure, man. I’ll hold him until the cops get here,” the boy whom Eunseok called Lance smiled as Eunseok walked outside with you and the other girl. “Tell your brother I said hi,” he chuckled as you walked outside.
“Get your ass in the backseat,” Eunseok spat as Eunchae folded her arms. “And put this on,” He said as he pulled off his oversized varsity jacket and draped it over her shoulders.
“Wait! I forgot my phone,” Eunchae exclaimed as the car started up.
“Too bad, I’ll have Theo hold onto it for you. We’re leaving,” Eunchae sat quietly in the backseat as you drove almost 30 minutes to a black and white apartment complex.
Acting like a spoiled child, Eunchae refused to go up the stairs. You could see that Eunseok was more than fed up with her bullshit as he threw her over his shoulder and walked up the stairs to knock on the door.
Eunseok, placed Eunchae on the doormat in front of him as he waited for the door to open.
“You’re not doing a very good job at babysitting her, Seunghan. Maybe you should send her back by your mom and dad,” he said as he poked her cheek.
“Yeah, I might do that because she’s obviously not ready to be an adult yet—“
“No! Ugh! You never let me do anything,” she huffed as she stormed to her room.
“Thanks for bringing her back, bro. I thought she wasn’t feeling well because she went to bed early.”
“Eh, it’s alright. But you seriously need to keep an eye on her. Oh, and Theo has her phone. He’ll probably bring it over later.”
“Okay, it’s not like she needs it anyway,” Seunghan chuckled as he closed the door.
You followed Eunseok back to the car as he started it up again.
“Sorry,” he said after taking a hit of the weed from earlier. “I’m pretty sure this wasn’t exactly the fairytale ending you were expecting,” he sighed.
"Well, it's definitely been interesting," you scoffed lightheartedly.
"Did you want to go back to the party or to my place? It's quieter there."
"Umm, wherever you want to go is fine with me."
You were hoping that he'd choose his place. Mainly because the party felt more like a freak show, a disaster waiting to happen.
"M'kay. My place it is," he said before pulling off.
He didn't live far from Seunghan so the drive was relatively short. You followed him up the stairs before entering his apartment which was uncomfortably cold.
You wrapped your arms around yourself in an attempt to contain some of the heat that was rapidly escaping your body.
"I would've offered you my jacket, but I already gave it to Eunchae," Eunseok said as he turned off the air.
"It's alright," you said sucking in your breath.
"C'mere," Eunseok whispered softly as he pulled you into his grasp.
Your cheeks burned hot as you felt the warmth from his body coupled with the feeling of his breath on your neck.
After a short silent moment, he turned your body to face him. He was met with a warm and submissive look on your face. A sense of innocence wrapped up by desire.
He leaned in to kiss your lips. Little did he know that this was your first kiss.
You freely allowed him to take the lead biting and sucking on your lips as he pulled your body closer to his. You quickly pulled away as you felt his bulge brush up against your core.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” you lied as you eyes fell to the ground.
“We don’t have to do this if you don’t—“
“No, I want to. It’s just that…”
“It’s just what?”
“I haven’t really done anything like this before.”
“Kissing or sex?”
“Both…”
“Oh…sorry, I didn’t know. I kinda just assumed you had done something.”
“There’s a lot that I haven’t done.”
“Well we can stop now if you want.”
“No, I want to keep going. Just take it slow with me.”
Eunseok led you to his room that was fairly empty. Nothing but a king-sized bed, a small night stand, and a laundry bin occupied the floor space.
You stood at the foot of his bed as he began kissing you again. Though this was your first kiss, you never expected it to feel so good. Again, you felt his hardness press against you, but this time you welcomed the sensation.
You felt his hands blindly move across your back stopping at the zipper before pulling it down. He pulled out of the kiss to slide your dress down before directing you to stand up and sit on his lap.
You couldn’t deny the fact that you felt a bit shy about being naked in front of someone.
He slid your panties down before he wrapped an arm around you. He reached his finger down to glide between your lips. The amount of wetness definitely wasn’t ready for his cock just yet, so he spit on his fingers before massaging your clit.
You jerked your body as he used his fingers on you. Gripping onto his arms, you threw your head back as he inserted one finger into your pussy. Your tightness gripped around his finger as you let out a soft moan.
He slowly pulled his finger back and forth grazing the flesh of your g-spot before picking up the pace.
You watched as he pulled his finger out completely covered in your wetness.
“Okay, what do you want to do first? We can go straight into sex or I can eat you out?”
“I wanna go straight into sex,” you replied as you stood up.
“M’kay. Let me go grab something first,” he said before leaving the room. You waited on his bed, playing with the wetness between your legs.
He came back shortly after and pulled down his pants to reveal his pulsing hard-on.
“I’m gonna put this on to make it easier for you,” he said as torn open the packaging that contained a dark blue condom. You watch as he slid it down his length before climbing onto the bed. “You’re gonna get on top okay,” he continued as you hesitantly straddled him.
You leaned forward to place your hands on his chest as he guided his cock to your opening. Slowly, he pulled you hips down gliding his lubricated dick deep inside of you. You whined as he broke through your hymen. A slight burning feeling filled your core.
“Mmm, fuck,” he groaned as he thrusted into your pussy. More swears left his lips before he came inside of the condom. You felt his warm seed fill you up as he laid there breathless.
“I didn’t expect you to be so fucking tight,” he groaned. “Alright, now you gotta suck the cum off so I can fuck you raw. That was my last rubber,” he sighed, fluffing his hair between his fingers.
He pulled the condom off before you went down to wrap your lips around him, sucking off the cum before gagging slightly on his length.
Once clean he bent you over on your hands and knees and plowed into your pussy as you came closer to your climax. He pulled out his cock to insert two of his digits into your gummy hole as you reached between your legs to rub your clit.
Breathless, moaning, and panting you came all over his fingers screaming out his name. He held you down and pushed in his cock to feel you pussy clench around him as you slowly came down from your high.
You collapsed on the bed from exhaustion and satisfaction as Eunseok stroked his length.
“Fuck, that was amazing,” he sighed as he kissed your shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you home before sunrise. Just get some rest for now,” he said as he saw your legs trembling from the orgasm.
This definitely wasn’t the night you were expecting, but you couldn’t say that you didn’t enjoy it.
You watched as Eunseok pulled his jeans up before stepping out on the balcony to smoke. Your eyes fluttered gently as you watched the puffs of smoke escape his lips. He ruffled his hair again before coming inside to join you in bed.
He guided your head to rest on his chest. The gentle hums relaxed you till you eventually fell asleep.
You don’t know what time you got in the car or what time he drove you home, but he made sure to bring you back before the sun came out.
Even though this had just happened the day before, you already couldn’t wait for your next opportunity to sneak out.
❀ Thank you all so much for reading! Make sure to check out other works on my masterlist!
❀ 𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝: @chlorinecake @hoyeonheeseung @addictedtohobi @chaenqen @nikisvanillaccola @mrswolfhard3 @hynjinnn1 @melobin @laylasbunbunny @urfavberry @swaggyjinnie @j4yluv @mimikittysblog @wonbinisbabygurl
#riize eunseok#eunseok#eunseok x reader#eunseok smut#riize fanfic#eunseok au#eunseok angst#corruption kink#tw religious themes#riize smut#riize imagines#eunseok scenarios#smoker x reader#eunseok hard hours#riize au#eunseok hard thoughts#corruption au#eunseok imagines#theo p1harmony#hong eunchae#hong seunghan
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in an ayato mood after i got him on a single pull :)
here are some thoughts that have been floating around
// tw ; unhealthy power dynamics, manipulation, toxic relationships, financial abuse, baby trapping
yan! ayato who is enamored with ayaka's close friend, even more interesting if his darling is cozying up to ayaka for personal gain ; how long will you keep up your nice facade? ayaka is a sweet kind girl, she may be fooled but nothing truly escapes ayato's gaze
continuing on that idea, let us say kamisato ayaka isn't as naive as you thought ; she finds your efforts to cater to her adorable & makes no comment as you dote on her every need. her position leaves her quite lonely so don't let your pretty eyes stray from her for a second
it's a dangerous combo of power wealth & status, you've been dancing in their palms the entire time and it's best you don't try to leave, least they need to shackle you physically
yan! ayato as a modern day ceo with an investigator darling. there is corruption in the inazuman tri commission and it's your goal to bring light to their unsavory business methods. this fits well with a person who has been wronged by the yashiro commission ; perhaps someone was in the wrong place at the wrong time. ayato originally sees no reason to get involved as the shuumatsuban can clean up loose ends, yet he might have to take you more seriously when you apply to be his secretary. you have no evidence against ayato and he's found it quite amusing to dangle evidence just to destroy it completely. he's not sure why he's still keeping you around but your admiration is amusing and the despair that paints your face with every dead end is too delicious to ignore. don't even think of resigning, have you forgotten the agreement you signed before starting?
yan! toxic boyfriend ayato :)
ayato is a person who works behind the scenes at all times, you didn't get the job you wanted? that's just too bad. someone beat you to the new apartment you wanted to move to? no worries you can move in with your loving boyfriend who has enough money to support both of you. you got pregnant despite using birth control? you don't need to worry about anything ayato will always be here for you.
yan! ayato with a spy darling ; he's always known who you were, an informant for a rival clan. to keep you close he passes on falsified information so that eventually your clan will think you've betrayed them ; you've been forced into a corner, begging ayato for mercy and protection from your family. you aren't aware there's truly no need for protection, the moment your clan had planned to silence you was the moment they ceased to exist.
yan! ayato with a childhood friend darling. regardless if you don't remember playing with him and his sister in chinju forest, he still remembers your promise to marry him under the sacred sakura all those years ago.
yan! faceless ayato inspired by michiru ichijou from mieruko-chan. you can see his true appearance and he can't help but spiral into obsession!! ( this concept will be a fic btw )
yan! ayato with a fake marriage!! you suggest it to get out of an unsavory relationship, adding kamisato to your name would make you untouchable. you haven't realized you walked straight into a trap ; ayato has always desired you and now that you're legally binded there is no escape. bonus points if this is set in a historical isekai setting.
"you wouldn't be confessing such feelings if you didn't believe all cards are in your hand, what exactly are you plotting sir kamisato?" the strained smile you were holding had already started to twitch, "if this is some sort of joke i don't find it very funny."
"i'm quite glad my spouse is already aware of how i think, i'm sure we both know my desires for you aren't in jest songbird," ayato smirks, his eyes swirled with an emotion you didn't want to identify, "i'm not interested in ending our marriage, surely you are aware of our differences?"
he didn't need to spell it out. with his wealth and influence escape would be nigh impossible.
"you, how much of this have you planned?" you don't actually want to know, the feeling of helplessness had already sunk into your bones.
ayato just offers you a smile. in all your time working alongside him, you'd seen countless of his rehearsed smiles. chills shot down your spine, you'd never seen such a genuine expression on his face.
#cha's concepts <3#yandere kamisato ayato#yandere ayato#yandere genshin impact#yandere genshin#yandere kamisato ayaka#yandere concepts#yandere x reader#not exactly what i was planning to post but my god ayato brainrot is real#i was going to publish a scara fic for his birthday but never finished editing it ... maybe later#but yes nasty schemer ayato is out to ruin your life and all romantic prospects#need to write closet perv ayato who steals his sisters friends underwear i mean what?!!
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more eaglescout!steve/perv!eddie bc i’m obsessed
CW: eddie being possessive, steve’s toxic parents (food issues, ED, physical abuse)
steve’s parents have always been overbearing and not in a loving way. they’re controlling, demeaning, and downright cruel.
steve’s mom is most critical about his weight.
she makes him weigh himself regularly and puts him on a diet whenever she thinks he’s gained too much. he has no say over his own meals and she packs his lunch every single day.
steve’s dad is abusive in other ways.
he wants steve to be a real man’s man. he beats hits him with his belt whenever he thinks he’s being too soft or ‘feminine’ in any way (which essentially translates to being kind or gentle).
he leaves steve bruised beneath his clothes and scarred over his heart.
they fuck with his head.
they close him off from so much of the world.
they don’t let him travel, date outside of the church, choose his own friends, etc.
he knows so little about anything outside of the claustrophobic bubble they’ve raised him in.
needless to say, eddie munson is the antithesis to everything they’ve ever taught him.
eddie munson breaks rules, pushes boundaries, throws up his middle finger at tradition—curiously drawn to darkness and oddities.
and as he gets to know steve, he notices something that he just can’t get out of his head.
all of his clothes—scouts uniforms, casual wear, briefs—have his family name written in sharpie on the label. it’s absurd. he’s an adult.
“what’s this about?” eddie asks pointedly one day, flashing one such label at a half-naked steve who’s hurrying to get dressed.
“mom does it to all my clothes. always has,” he shrugs and frowns, “i’ve asked her to stop.”
and maybe in another family dynamic it might be endearing. sign of a mother who just loves her son too much and can’t let go.
but steve’s family is fucked up. steve’s family is deranged. and eddie, coming from his own fucked up family, can only read the little labels as another way to suffocate him and hold him back.
“do you want me to do something about it?” eddie cocks an eyebrow at him, “because i will. just say the word.”
steve looks uncertain. whenever eddie gives him the opportunity to choose for himself, steve tenses up.
“it’s sharpie. it doesn’t wash out.”
eddie chuckles, smirks at him in that way that spells ‘trouble.’
“lucky for you i have scissors and i know how to sew. just lay back and relax, baby. let me take care of it.”
which is how steve ends up bringing eddie his entire closet so he can repeat what he’s done to the clothes steve was wearing the previous day.
methodically and with a joint between his teeth, steve watches as eddie cuts out each ‘harrington’ label, puts them all in a pile, and tosses steve a lighter.
“go on,” he says as they stand in his backyard, “light ‘em up.”
it’s symbolic. it’s ceremonial. it feels good. it feels freeing to watch all those little labels char and turn to ash.
eddie spends the rest of the evening with steve in his lap, sewing ‘property of E.M.’ into every last piece.
taglist (message me to be added or removed at any time <3): @estrellami-1, @disastardly, @ilovecupcakesandtea, @the-redthread, @asbealthgn @bestofbucky, @vampireinthesun @carlyv @shrimply-a-menace @lordrrascal @jjoesjonas @malachitedevil @anxiouseds @feraleddiekinninghours @gay-little-bitch @jhrc666 @pinkdaisies1998 @mcneen @perseus-notjackson @eiddets @corroded-coffin-groupie @three-possums-playing-human @stevesbipanic @plutoshelm @arkenstoned @indiearr @they-reap-what-we-sow @gleek4twd @bunnyweasley23
#steddie#steddie brainrot#steve harrington#eddie munson#steve x eddie#fruity four#stranger things#steve harrington/eddie munson#eddie x steve#steddie au#steddie fanfiction#steddie fic#steddie ao3#perv!eddie munson#possessive!eddie munson#virgin!steve harrington#steddie writers#steddie ficlet#steddie blurb
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What is the point of the Horde? Part 1
Ok. So, why does She Ra and the Princesses of Power begin in the horde? Why go through all the trouble if in the second episode, Adora switches sides? What is the point?
Obviously, the in-universe answer is "Adora was raised in the horde, so she starts the story in the horde" and that's a perfectly fine reason. But I'd like to delve into the thematic significance of that choice. What does Adora's connection to the horde do to the story?
SPOILERS AHEAD
I'm going to start by establishing some themes, so if you disagree with my takeaway, here is where it went wrong. In my understanding, She-Ra is about family, morality, freedom, and trauma.
So, what does the horde represent?
The horde is a dysfunctional family unit. The mother figure is manipulative, the father is distant and uncaring, and the children are used as weapons. Even if you don't read this as a family unit, this isn't the healthiest of dynamics in any situation.
In Shadowweaver's first scene, we get this shot, which is a fantastic visual metaphor for Shadowweaver's influence, the shadows claw at Catra's face, covering one eye and distorting her vision as a result. Interestingly, the shadows don't directly touch Adora, but the general dimness that Shadowweaver gives off does, and her expression makes it clear that Shadowweaver's influence does have consequences on her as well by proxy.
This is a neat representation of the rest of the series. My reading of this story was as an escape from abuse story. Adora gets away physically, but Shadowweaver follows her, while Catra can't leave.
"She's just bitter that she doesn't have any real power that doesn't have any real power that doesn't come from Hoardack, and everyone knows it."
The above quote is from Catra talking about Shadowweaver and I'd like to take it apart.
Niccolò Machiavelli is the namesake for the word Machiavellian in reference to a manipulator or schemer. A lot of people cast him as a historical villainous character, and while that isn't entirely true, the reason for this word is primarily a book called The Prince. In it, he poses the idea that "It is much safer for the prince to be feared than loved, though he should avoid making himself hated." Shadowweaver embodies this mindset.
Catra is wrong here. Shadowweaver does have power, and its being demonstrated right here in this single shot. Shadowweaver has the same power that certain people in real life have, she can control people. In this case, she can turn best friends against each other with barely a thought.
Shadowweaver has cultivated fear in her children, but she has taken care to not distance herself from Adora too far. She considers one of her children superior and diverts all of her affection into that child while shunning and demeaning the other to no end.
Interestingly, Shadowweaver's approach to love is also toxic. When Adora questions her judgement even slightly, Shadowweaver's immediate response is two things. I took you in and you want this. This is emotionally manipulative, she's making Adora feel guilty for wanting her friend to be recognised, and she's telling Adora what she wants, imposing her own will and ambition onto her.
Here's the kicker, The Prince was a satire. It was a callout to the leadership of the time that their actions were unjust and unkind. It was a statement that this method of leadership, while effective to this point, was doomed to fall.
So, why does She-Ra begin in the horde?
I think it's to show the trauma more acutely. It's to show the effect that Shadowweaver has on Adora and Catra and to explain, thematically, what this story is about. This isn't just a story about good and evil, but freedom, and love, and the story is going out of its way to show what the characters are running from. To show what, despite their best efforts, the characters cannot escape from, and will not escape from, until the final episode.
Part 2 is going to discuss episode 2 in detail and why Catra can't leave. It'll be an interesting discussion, I hope.
Next
#she ra#she ra and the princesses of power#catra#shadow weaver#rants#literary analysis#literature analysis#character analysis#Machiavelli#she ra adora#spop#spop catra
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Gone Baby Gone: birth control and the ethics of risky sex
CW: abortion, sexual violence.
Creds: licensed counselor with expertise in addiction, trauma, and gay stuff. Experience with tx exclusively for pregnant people and young parents with addictions.
Okay class! Today we’ll be talking about abortion oh my god don’t run away I’ll make it worth your while I promise.
Firstly, a disclaimer: I’m not interested in debating whether abortion should be legal/allowed/is moral or immoral. The research bears out, unequivocally, that access to comprehensive reproductive and family planning options improves everyone’s lives (1). And again, not actively anti-SJM or any characters, just exploring themes and what they say about us.
It’s so funny to me that NO one liked the pregnancy plot line in ACOSF, whether they love or hate or are indifferent (me) to Rhysand. And I think that’s because we, the largely femme audience engaging with the material, recognize the strings of violence weaved into it, possibly not even consciously but on a deep, bodily, instinctual level.
The 2007 crime drama Gone Baby Gone centers on a conversation about motherhood, parenting fitness, and what society owes to children. Beneath that though, and I believe unintentionally, is another story about pregnancy-capable people’s autonomy and the cycle of oppression around reproductive rights.
I’m going to spoil the movie for you - I don’t want you to watch it because Casey Affleck is a creep, and it’s not that good anyway. There’s a whole mystery plot, but the basics are: drug addict Helene’s daughter Amanda is kidnapped, then later thought to be killed but they never find her body. Casey Affleck, Boy Detective uncovers a scheme by two rogue cops to fake Amanda’s death and kidnap her because they think Helene isn’t a good mom. And they’re kind of right; once Amanda comes home, Helene is an incredibly neglectful mother, and the movie wants you to go woahhh, maybe those murdering unethical cops were right after all!
Sure, Jan.
The movie ends with the lead character wondering if Helene, for whom he’s literally killed people to bring her child back, is even fit to raise Amanda in the first place, even interested. And here’s where I feel complicated, because on one hand - yes, this is your child, and she’s completely innocent in all this and doesn’t deserve abuse and neglect. AND what were this women’s other options? Does anyone ask? Living in deeply Catholic working class Boston, did she have access to birth control? Could she have gotten an abortion? Would her culture (and her internalization of it) even allow her to entertain that option? Could she perhaps be using substances because of the circumstances of her life over which she has no control? (See Nesta, Interrupted for more on that.)
So I ask myself: what does it mean in our culture, as a person who can become pregnant, to have sex with someone who can impregnate you? What happens when your body becomes the battlefield on which larger conflicts are played out?
I’ve been thinking on these question a lot recently because my IUD is about to expire and my doctor recommended a back up method while I wait to get a new one. This has prompted my husband and me go farther into the kids conversation and consider not just what it would mean for me to get pregnant on purpose or accidentally, but what it would mean for me to get pregnant here. Where we live, abortion is technically legal but functionally impossible to find. Even for a wanted pregnancy, if it became life-threatening I might have extremely limited options.
This makes any sex inherently risky for me. IUDs failure rates range from 0.3% to 2.3%, but that still means as few as 3 in 1000 and as many as 2-3 in 100 users still get pregnant. And IUDs significantly raise the likelihood of medically dangerous pregnancies if a fetus is conceived (2). The long odds are somewhat comforting, but if I were to have an ectopic or other life-threatening pregnancy complication, I can’t trust that my local doctors would be able to save my life, legally.
And we have talked about how we both feel strongly: it’s my life first. My husband says he would rather have me, and he would rather any children of ours have me, too. And there’s this sort of sick sense of gratitude I feel, because that is, to me, the only answer, but it feels like such a kindness nonetheless.
So we get to ACOSF (you forgot this was about ACOTAR, right? Me too.). When they decided to start trying to get pregnant, Rhys had to know the risk was there. My boy, you are half Illyrian. Even without Feyre being Mystique, get out your punnet square and do the math. Your baby always had a 25% chance of having wings. Conception was always risky. I refuse to believe he didn’t know that, and it was irresponsible of him to not inform her, a person who only entered his world like two years ago.
Then they conceive a baby with wings that, as far as they know, she has no way of safely delivering. If that’s true, why couldn’t Feyre have an abortion? I’m serious. They found out very early the baby had wings. It’s not unlike an ectopic pregnancy, or even a very small person becoming pregnant. Adolescent mothers (age 10-19) (god it feels gross to type that) are at much higher risk for conditions like eclampsia, endometritis, and systemic infections, not to mention fetal complications (3). Regardless of the details, Feyre’s body is not equipped to handle this pregnancy, and yet they never seem to explore the option of terminating it.
Which begs the question: did Feyre even know abortion was an option? Is it an option in Prythian?
In my opinion, probably. If the fae have contraception (let’s not even get into STDs and the ’they have magical healing’ BS), they must have abortion. The first record of an induced abortion was on an Egyption Papyrus around 1600BC, though the practice likely well predates that. The Ancient Greeks drove a plant to extinction for its abortifacient properties (4). And even when banned, people find ways, because they have to. Reproductive health has long been of importance to pregnancy-capable people for reasons of safety, resources, and survival.
At the end of the day, Feyre is allowed to carry a pregnancy to term that she knows will kill her. That’s her right to bodily autonomy being exercised freely, and I will never begrudge her that. But imagine if abortion were an open option for her, and she knew the birth would kill her, and then Rhys. Knowing that, what do you think she’d choose? To die, bringing her mate along with her, and leave her child parentless, if they even survive? I really struggle to see that. Feyre loves hard, and knows what it’s like to grow up with extreme neglect. I cannot imagine her condemning a child to the same circumstance she found so damaging. But Rhys doesn’t tell her, forbids anyone else to, and possibly robs her of the ability to terminate the pregnancy. And also Madja, I don’t forgive her either for glossing over it. Girl needs to retake her boards.
In the beginning of my career, I worked at an inpatient substance use treatment center that was specifically for pregnant people and mothers with young children. They were allowed to bring two kids under the age of 5. I could write a million words about the flaws in that place, but it was at least something. In working with these people, the same themes came up over and over:
They wanted to get jobs but couldn’t afford childcare.
Caring for children kept them isolated from support networks and financially strapped.
The daily maintenance and self-focus of sobriety felt at odds with being responsible for children. Ironically, that neglect of self often created the perfect conditions for relapse.
Children kept them tethered, legally and/or personally to abusive partners.
They received extreme judgment, even while seeking help, for “doing this to their children”.
They did not have adequate access to reproductive autonomy, whether financially, from religious beliefs, or otherwise.
This evidence is purely anecdotal, but I do think it speaks to the larger cycle of covert violence and policing of women and pregnancy-capable people’s bodies. It is well-documented that lack of reproductive freedom has a direct negative effect on mental health and wellbeing of people of child -bearing age (5). There is also a much larger intersection to this conversation when it comes to race, class, and the systemic oppression of people of color via reproductive restriction, but Feyre is privileged in the ACOTAR world for the most part so this doesn’t touch her. She doesn’t have to wonder if she can afford a baby, or if her husband is going to be racially profiled and taken to jail or just straight up murdered by law enforcement. (and this is not to downplay the experiences Rhysand have, that Sarah doesn’t give us, being a mixed race man, more so that he is in an extreme position of power.)
I think it’s a shame we didn’t get to explore this in ACOSF with Cassian and Nesta. They jump in the sack even after learning Nesta’s body could not handle an Illyrian baby. No amount of ‘the monthly aid’ justifies not having an honest and thorough conversation about what having sex means before they sleep together. Cassian must feel real confident in the birth control options of Prythian to be spreading his soldiers around so willy nilly. And I just hope, for all their sakes, that he’s right.
Ibis Reproductive Health and Center for Reproductive Rights, “Evaluating Priorities: Measuring Women’s and Children’s Health and Well-being against Abortion Restrictions in the States,” (2017).
Kim SK, Romero R, Kusanovic JP, Erez O, Vaisbuch E, Mazaki-Tovi S, Gotsch F, Mittal P, Chaiworapongsa T, Pacora P, Oggé G, Gomez R, Yoon BH, Yeo L, Lamont RF, Hassan SS. The prognosis of pregnancy conceived despite the presence of an intrauterine device (IUD). J Perinat Med. 2010;38(1):45-53. doi: 10.1515/jpm.2009.133. PMID: 19650756; PMCID: PMC3418877.
World Health Organization: WHO. (2023, June 2). Adolescent pregnancy. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/adolescent-pregnancy#:~:text=Adolescent%20mothers%20(aged%2010%E2%80%9319,birth%20and%20severe%20neonatal%20condition.
Muvs - Abtreibung in der Antike. (n.d.). https://muvs.org/en/topics/termination-of-pregnancy/abortion-in-antiquity-en/
Liu SY, Benny C, Grinshteyn E, Ehntholt A, Cook D, Pabayo R. The association between reproductive rights and access to abortion services and mental health among US women. SSM Popul Health. 2023 May 12;23:101428. doi: 10.1016/j.ssmph.2023.101428. PMID: 37215399; PMCID: PMC10199416.
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Clarice, my awful daughter who has every disease, finally has her costume!
Now, to recap Clarice's lore thus far. She's a heavily altered version of Jonathan Crane's half-sister from Year One, aged up a few years so she's around seven during that story's events. Unlike the original, Jonathan actually succeeded in murdering his entire immediate family, ending with the strangulation of his own mother on Mother's Day and the kidnapping of his baby sister.
Clarice and Jon don't exactly have the healthiest bond, considering the circumstances. Jonathan kidnapped her with the intention of spiting his recently deceased mother through the indoctrination of his little sister, only to end up genuinely viewing her as his surrogate daughter. Clarice, much to her genuine discomfort, also views him as a father figure, mostly due to the domestic abuse she both witnessed and experienced at the hands of her biological father. Unsurprisingly, she was a very unsettling child to be around, with a heavy fascination with death and horror. She was pretty much raised with the understanding that there would regularly be people experimented on in the basement, though Jonathan at the very least didn't do this in the same room as her. At the age of twelve, she was sent to foster care after accidental exposure to fear toxin during a fight between Jonathan and Batman caused her to lash out and stab Jonathan right in the stomach.
Unfortunately for her, this made things go from bad to worse for several reasons:
The foster care system in the United States is notoriously not the greatest and Gotham, being how it is, is even worse. Clarice has been through several different placements due to no one wanting to deal with the possibility of being attacked by Scarecrow.
Being related to a supervillain is bad enough, but being closely related to the Scarecrow, notorious for murder and mass chemical warfare, is even worse. Clarice had to deal with death threats, suicide baiting, doxxing, and being shunned by her peers when she finally got to go to school, leaving her with severe paranoia around other people her age. It doesn't help that she has absolutely no idea how to act around other kids, mostly a result of both her childhood isolation as well as being on the Autism spectrum.
She's unsurprisingly very mentally ill as a result of everything she's been through, and being mentally ill in Gotham City of all places carries a lot of social stigma. Clarice is absolutely terrified of having the police called on her if she's having a crisis. It doesn't help that she's not been given adequate counseling for her trauma, and she's often head to deal with medications that have made her already fragile mental health even worse. As it stands, she's mostly dealing with PTSD, severe depression, anxiety, as well as possibly BPD and OCD. It also doesn't help that she's developed many harmful coping mechanisms, such as pulling out her hair, scratching to the point of bleeding, as well as hitting herself on the head.
Despite everything she's been through because of him, she felt utterly betrayed when Jonathan didn't come back for her after going into foster care. Due to her paranoia, she eventually started to believe that he either abandoned out of spite or that he wanted to kill her just like her parents. Although despite what she thinks, the real reason he left her behind was due to a genuine fear that he'd get her killed as well as him being utterly terrified of forming attachments.
Scream Queen was mostly her way of getting control of her own life for once, as well as it being a method for acting out her violent intrusive thoughts without being judged. Clarice's true feelings are shown through Scream Queen instead of in her civilian life. Outside of costume, she tends to be extremely anxious and doesn't speak up often, sometimes even nonverbal. In-costume, she's extremely dramatic and aggressive, as well as being far more talkative.
Her main intention with becoming a vigilante, outside of taking control of her own life, is mostly to get back at Jonathan. According to Clarice, if she doesn't get to have a future then neither does he. For the most part, he's completely unaware of her identity and it's not going to be pretty on either end when he finally finds out.
She's understandably far less experiences than any member of the Batfamily when it comes to vigilante work. Her fighting ability mostly consists of two years of kickboxing training she signed up for in order to take her aggression out on something. In addition to her kickboxing ability, she eventually starts using a chain as her main weapon, starting out with having it wrapping around her knuckles and then eventually learning out to wield it as a whip.
She's more of a one-on-one stealth fighter if anything else, mostly relying on scaring people when she has to deal with groups in order to get them on their own.
Much like her adopted father, her main weapon is her ability to frighten people. She tends to go for unnatural movements in a fight in order to stay as unpredictable as possible, often times switching from normal bipedal movement to suddenly lunging on all fours. Most of her tools are centered around this idea, with her utilizing things such as smoke bombs and even firecrackers to keep people on their toes. Much like Shivers Jonathan, she also likes to freak people out by Blixa Bargeld screaming.
Unlike the Batfamily, she's on a tight budget and she knows it. All of her tools are things she can reliably find without too much suspicion, with her most valuable items being bought from military surplus stores.
Clarice also uses her costume to more safely stim, since she has a fairly large amount of unsafe stims. The wig on her mask allows her to safely yank on hair without pulling out chunks of her actual hair and she often uses the claws on her gloves to scratch at her suit instead of her skin.
For very understandable reasons, Batman is absolutely opposed to her operating as a vigilante, which causes a very unstable relationship with the rest of the Batfamily. Bruce views her as being an unstable viability that cares more about hurting people than saving lives, which isn't exactly untrue. Clarice already doesn't view Batman in a favorable light, with her being unable to separate him from one of the most traumatic experiences in her life. Most of the others view her as being in over her head, with Barbara suspecting her of having a death wish (also not untrue). The only one who finally manages to reach out to her, however, is Stephanie.
Clarice was designed to be Stephanie's character foil, with them both being the children of supervillains who wanted to get back at their parent but taking very different approaches to life. Clarice is a pessimistic mess of a person who has trouble seeing the good in others, while Stephanie refuses to let people drag her down and sees the humanity in others. Steph looks at Clarice and sees so much of herself as Spoiler in her, and eventually manages to reach out to her so she doesn't make the same mistakes she did as Spoiler. Though she never really gets close to most members of the Batfamily, Clarice eventually does regard Stephanie as her closest friend.
#shiversverse#oc: clarice keeny#jonathan crane#batman oc#my art#suicide tw#child abuse tw#domestic abuse tw#self harm tw#side note: jonathan crane is still not a good father#he genuinely loves clarice and treated her better than her biological father but he still quite literally kept people in their basement
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In regards to Natsuhi, I’m aware that she would withhold food and rest from Sayo (working as Shannon) even as a young child. She would also place Jessica into closets for misbehaving (if I’m remembering right?).
Considering abusers tend to repeat abuse on different people, though not always (it can take different form depending on the victim?), how likely would it be that Natsuhi would sometimes also withhold food from Jessica as punishment, put Shannon in a closet (at least when they were younger)?
The way she lashes out, is strict, is different in regards to her relationship with the victims of her abuse - but the similar punishment - treatment of them - is similar, if that makes sense?
I think, because to her she’s doing this for Jessica’s sake, she’d be ‘lighter’ in a sense to her own daughter? Rather than withholding food throughout the day, it’s closer to having no dinner (which is…still…bad…), more lectures on behaving like a lady and pushing for her to study, rather than literally working her to physical exhaustion and berating her for poor work, as she did for Shannon.
I don’t know how likely that would be for Natsuhi, though. she might not even perceive what she’s doing to Jessica as abuse - which also makes me wonder how she was raised, because people repeat abusive patterns that they were raised with.
Anon I just want to thank you profusely for also being a member of the "Natsuhi abuser" club I have so many thoughts about this subject
And yeah, she would place Jessica in the closet, that's confirmed in EP5. She also restricted Jessica somewhat, in the manga Jessica mentions that her mother wouldn't allow her to watch TV or eat snacks/sweets, but in the VN this is only "forced to live formally" and "only she had been in a heavily constricted environment. forced to learn various things, and it had even interfered with the friends she had played with." The manga is a bit more intense.
I think a strong case can be made for Natsuhi restricting Jessica's food. I can imagine her telling Jessica to go without dinner, and from the manga it seems like there are general food restrictions, like not eating unseemly/unhealthy things. Natsuhi is shown to have an aversion to commoner food in that EP5 scene where Krauss is trying to get her to eat nuts in Taiwan, so I can imagine her deeming certain foods unfit for her daughter. In addition, many mothers place a lot of emphasis on their daughter's weight and controlling their diet to prevent weight gain, which I can imagine Natsuhi doing.
My personal headcanon is that Shannon was also sometimes placed into the closet, or at least, that Shannon was further traumatized by witnessing Natsuhi lock Jessica in there. Considering that Natsuhi didn't want Jessica to play with Shannon, I can imagine her punishing Jessica with the closet for 'reflection' while Shannon has to watch (or learn about it later from Jessica) and then ordering Shannon to do difficult work unsuitable for her age/ability, as she does in EP2 when Shannon is 'disrespectful'. Natsuhi's reason for the closet was to make Jessica reflect on her actions, but it seems like, for the servants, her method of forcing 'reflection' is assigning difficult work. Jessica is her daughter and a lady, so I agree that Natsuhi would probably make Jessica do studying or piano or something 'ladylike' as punishment instead of physical labor.
I definitely don't think Natsuhi realizes that her actions are abusive - a lot of abusers don't. She may think that she's being a bit harsh, but that it is 'necessary' to prepare Jessica for success, or to prepare the servants for 'the real world', or that the servants deserve it for being disrespectful. In the eyes of the Ushiromiya family, the servants being servants is a special privilege - they're paid well, they get work experience, they get the privilege of serving them. So any perceived slight or failure needs to be punished and corrected. They should even be grateful for the privilege of that, probably.
Natsuhi is from a traditional Japanese family. I think it's said that she was really moved by waiting for her father for hours in the entryway with her mother, kneeling? I forget where, though. But it seems like she was raised in a very traditional family with a lot of gendered expectations and a lot of classism. Natsuhi marrying Krauss was like a punishment for their old-money family - being forced to marry their daughter to new-money like the Ushiromiyas. I can imagine she was raised in a very abusive environment, even if she probably doesn't perceive it as such and is in deep denial of it.
Natsuhi is just... a very stressed, abused woman in a misogynistic family with very little power of her own and she takes power where she can in her violent abuse against the servants, and is trying to keep her daughter from ending up like her or ending up worse with her harsh upbringing. It's really fucked up.
#umineko#umineko no naku koro ni#umineko spoilers#natsuhi is really difficult for me for a lot of reasons#if I was to list out the moms she'd be last on my list#but I do think about her a lot#fascinating creature. vivisect her#anon ask
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OKAY! I know I had to bring a petition today but this idea came to me and I had to get it out as soon as possible! I will publish the next petition tomorrow or the day after tomorrow at the latest I swear!
Hunter (Toh) x Lorna (Over the Garden wall) Reader
Like, the reader is a girl who was cursed from a very young age, maybe by wild magic, maybe by enemies of her family, but she has an entity that absorbs her energy, making her sick and can only be controlled with a special bell (it's like its equivalent to Eda's elixir).
Her auntie Whispers overprotects her A LOT, since it is the only family she has and because she doesn't want anyone to be a victim of Lorna reader's curse if she is activated, but she also specializes in the healing coven to be able to help her niece.
It's one of the ways she could meet Hunter.
Whether Hunter as a Golden Guard goes to collect something from Auntie Whispers' house or she takes the reader to the palace to be treated by healers, Hunter is left with the impression of the girl, someone quite weak, yes, but when he knows which is because she is cursed, he can't help but empathize and compare the situation a little with Belos (as UNHEALTY as it is, Hunter still loved his uncle back then).
Can you imagine if Hunter at first also thought that Lorna!reader did live in an abusive home? ironically auntie whispers was a better aunt/uncle with him in 1 hour than Belos was in his entire life 🤣
Hunter at first would try to talk to Lorna! reader for research purposes, he believes that if he can know how other people's curses work then he could understand Belos' curse, but as I said his empathy skyrockets when he sees how Lorna! reader has to distract herself from having a sick body (being partially controlled by a demon) by doing household chores to try to suppress the entity that now controls her life.
Lorna!reader allowed the interactions because 1- Hunter was around her age and 2- she believed that if she had a better understanding of her curse, it would be easier to handle it. Besides, she wanted a friend.
From this, Hunter would begin to show his most real side and not just that of the Golden Guard, if he had to run an errand to Auntie Whispers, he would help with Lorna! reader's task (even if he had to learn them from scratch because he had NO IDEA what house maintenance was like. Let's just say that now he appreciates the cleaning crew more), if he ran into her running an errand now he was carrying her things or if she was just walking, he was taking her on his back to her house. Don't you know that with these winds you can catch a cold? If she wants to avoid getting sick she should make less effort.
Hunter even feels comfortable telling the reader about the things he read about wild magic, he justifies himself by saying that he wants her to try every possible method to cure her curse, and that's partly true, but in general he likes as reader listens carefully to his rants without getting bored and shows a real interest in what he has to say.
Hunter would definitely be pretty upset/worried if he had to deal with Reader's cursed transformation, although more than anything he would be very disturbed by the fact that Reader has to deal with that thing on a daily basis.
Let's say it triggers his most protective side, PHYSICALLY PROTECTIVE, Hunter will be somewhat ignorant as a Golden Guard, but at this point he is also a friend of the reader and will not let her be lynched for something she cannot control.
Hunter likes to talk to the reader about the outside world, he knows what it feels like to be locked up and without interaction (although in the reader's case, it is for the safety of others), so he ends up stopping by when he has free time and tells her a couple of anecdotes he has about work or when he was a scout, you know, being that figure that he would have liked to have.
By the time Hunter realizes the interest he has in Lorna! reader is not the same as he has with, for example, his flyer dervy colleagues, he is a blushing mess, and they are probably the ones who encourage him to be more open with her.
If we talk about a full-fledged relationship, it's all FLUFF.
Hunter tries to help as much as possible to prevent the reader's curse from acting, whether by getting bells, helping Auntie Whispers in her research, bringing remedies to improve the reader's physical condition and thus make her healthier, etc.
If the curse is indeed CURABLE then Hunter highly encourages the reader to seek said cure and do it together, even if she got used to living with the curse, Hunter would be so SO happy to see his partner live peacefully and without pain because of guilt of the curse.
HUNTER LETTING READER USE FLAPJACK WHEN SHE HAS A BAD TIME WITH THE CURSE I CAN'T---
If, on the other hand, the curse has no cure as such, then they try to find alternatives together to keep her asleep and make it more manageable, apart from the fact that if someone tries to judge the reader for her curse (EHEMEHEMBOSCAEHEHEHEME) Hunter or 1, gives them The Look and they shut up or 2, use the old scare tactics they used in the emperor's coven.
Hunter would be quite distraught over Lorna! reader during her time in the human kingdom, but at the same time I think she would make mental notes of things that she would have liked to see (she even learns several of Camila's home remedies for colds and flus that she wants to try on reader).
HUNTER DOING TO LORNA! READER A PALISMAAAAAAAAN-
In general, two little sunshines being little sunshines.
Shares, reglogs and comments are very welcome!
#drabbles#drabble#fem reader#toh#the owl house#the owl house hunter#the owl house x reader#the owl house hunter x reader#toh hunter#toh hunter x reader
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How I revised my abusive mother
[TW: Child abuse, eating disorders]
I recently began my Law of Assumption journey, to be precise, maybe around a month ago when something really hard hit me and I was looking for a sense of direction besides witchcraft.
From there on, I manifested many things but I wasn't expecting to end up revising my mother of all people.
For a context, I'm the oldest child in my family with only a younger brother. Before my brother's birth, I was the apple of my mother's eye and we had a really good relationship with each other even if there wasn't any father in the picture since the relationship between my parents was really strange. While I was mostly by myself as a child, knowing that my Mom was fighting for me every day was enough. I took care of the house, learned how to cook at a very young age and kept my grades pretty well. But as soon as my younger brother was born, things began to shift.
In many Asian countries, having a son is like the best thing that could happen to you. My Mom was no exception to this and began doting on my brother in a ridiculous amount. I didn't feel jealous about it but I admit that I did feel bitterness because I was pushed to parent my younger brother and treat him like gold while my Mom worked. Still, then again, my brother was younger than me and was born sickly but eventually recovered. I worked on my issues by myself and just thought that I had to do the right thing because my brother was not at fault for my Mom's behavior.
Still, as years passed, many things happened. Because my Mom received a lot of attention when my brother was sick, she began lacing my food with rotten food to make me sick and get sympathy and even at one point she went "doctor shopping" to try to make me diagnosed with things I didn't have to get sympathy and feel like she was a good mother by taking care of me. Things escalated with the years to physical and verbal abuse, my food was rationed because she didn't want to have "a fat child" and I was the target of this behavior for years until I left.
She got diagnosed later with BPD and schizophrenia and our relationship was pretty much strained because every time I had any conversation with her ended up with insults or fights. I didn't hate her though, I just saw her as a pitiful woman with an obsession with her son. My brother did a lot of bad things and even took advantage of her mental illness to steal money from her or other things I don't want to mention. Still, my Mom enabled him so much that he was out of control. My Mom allowed him to do whatever as long he was studying to get a diploma because that's how many Asian parents are obsessed with education.
When I started LoA, I was expecting to get some things and I was happy that my self-concept was getting better. One of the things I did was to do a list of the things I wanted to manifest and one was a nice shiny tarot deck that I really liked (I use a list method, I'll mention it in another post). Then, I decided to revise all of the people that hurt me, one of them was my Mom. I thought... What could go wrong? If she changes, it would be a miracle.
And like 48 hours after I did the list with the tarot deck and revised my Mom, my Mom contacted me and she was behaving like a normal person. She wasn't angry or harassing me like she always did. She asked how my health was doing and such. Then she told me that she got her dream come true, that she was going to move out from the bad area she was in and moving to an apartment in front of the beach. She also mentioned me that she kicked out my brother from her house because apparently he was lying about going to university when in reality he wasn't and leeching from my Mom. She also said that a cousin of hers was moving next to her to help her with remembering taking her medication and that she was really happy and wanting to have a fresh start.
But the freakiest thing was that my Mom said that she dreamed about gifting me a tarot deck because she remembered how much I loved Cardcaptor Sakura as a child and she loved how I played with my toy cards like I was doing a future reading to her as a child and she wanted to gift me a tarot deck to do readings for her. I showed her the deck I wanted, said it was beautiful and that she was going to buy it for me in her next paycheck.
One of the things I revised was for her to get into her old hobbies before she had my brother like writing and she told me that she was going to get back to writing and other things like gardening and such, things that made her relax a lot.
Since that happened, I talk to my Mom every single day and she has been a lovely person to be around. She doesn't cuss or come up as angry anymore. I came into LoA without expecting much change but this one was really a pleasant surprise. I am so happy to have come across LoA and I'm glad I revised my Mom even if I didn't persist much on it, just said things inside like "I miss my old Mom, it would be nice to have her again" and things like that.
Never think that something is impossible, to me this was the most impossible thing to happen and it happened. I'll continue persisting and affirming how good my Mom is to keep her this way.
I'm so grateful right now.
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Thoughts on the Wednesday Series Characters Birth Charts?
Mercury retrograde is testing me and my technology, so idek if my next post will work, but just in case I'm only doing a fun post for Wednesday's Birth Chart Interpretation I will post later today
I binge watched this series, and It's SOO GOOD. My favorite characters are, of course, Wednesday, and especially Enid, she's my absolute fav.
Here are some of my thoughts for the characters' placements except for Wednesday. You can all join in! It would be fun to guess!
Enid - Leo rising + Aries venus - She's very impulsive, so I think she's fire dominant, most likely. Her incredibly protective nature and happy, friendly disposition is Leo like as they're a very playful and passionate sign but crazy protective and jealous over their loved ones. I'd say Aries Venus because she can't keep her crushes a secret lol and puts it on display. She's very passionate in love with her relationship and moves very fast. It's reminiscent of typical Aries Venus behavior imo. I can also see major Gemini & 3rd House placements like a potential Gemini mercury, this girl has networks and chats for days lol.
Bianca - Scorpio moon. Her mommy issues and insecurities pop out with her Scorpio moon as she seeks to protect her reputation at all costs. She's paranoid when anyone threatens to take her power or reputation away. She's very perceptive naturally and can get into people's heads. She figures out people quickly and seeks to gain power over them. Not to mention her mom's relation with the family cult, and obsession over her daughter giving up her own life to devote herself to the cult IS SO SCORPIO MOON. The moon does rule over our relationship with our mom and our behavior. So the Scorpio moon showed there was definitely a power imbalance going on in her family between her mom's obsession with controlling Bianca and wanting to isolate her, which reminds me of moon-puto or Scorpio moon 100%. It wasn't restricting or limiting Bianca but instead exploiting her powers for evil and taking away her morals and independence. The type of psychological abuse in that family had more of a Plutonic theme regarding manipulation, exploitation, and the emphasis on control.
I love Bianca I could go in-depth with her like Wednesday's chart reading later today
Tyler - Gemini moon + Virgo and Aquarius placements. He's giving Aquarius rising for me but im not totally sure about his rising sign. The Gemini moon because he's too good at lying and cold after after pretending he had feelings for Wednesday. Honestly, he's one of the hardest to asses for me but I'm pretty sure he's an earth or air moon.
Ms. Thornhill.- I think Ms. Thornhill is either a Virgo or Pisces Moon, I see a lot of Virgo for her, tho...she's spiteful and thinks her idea and way is the only correct way. Virgos can be super spiteful and forget to listen to reason when they think they're right. It's kinda similar to Aquarius, but when tiny things are screwed up, she loses her shit and makes sure to track + keep her eye on everything. It's more methodical and detailed. I wanted to say Pisces because she's delusional, but Virgos can be just as delusional when they think their plan is right.
Let me know what placements you think any character, including ones not listed have. It will be fun to discuss👀
#astrology#astro observations#astrology observations#astro notes#astroblr#astrology notes#astro community#zodiac#aquarius#zodiac signs#birth chart#aries#taurus#gemini#cancer#leo#virgo#libra#scorpio#sagittarius#capricorn#pisces#astrology community#astrology observation#astro note#astrology note#astro observation#wednesday birth chart#wednesday#addams family
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In which a fake ex-Illuminati programmer makes up some weird shit about cult programming
Hey folks! Have you heard terms like "jewel programming," "metal programming," or "color programming"? Did you hear about an evil cult that intentionally induces dissociative identity disorder in people in order to control them? Did you know that all of this traces back to woman who claimed to be a former member of a global Satanic conspiracy, whose story followed the template laid out by known frauds like Mike Warnke and whose claims about the Illuminati are just repackaged antisemitism?
Over here I discussed the first three chapters in an e-book that supposedly details the activities and methods of this cult. Now I'm moving on to chapter four, where she describes the supposed methods the Illuminati uses to begin the programming process.
Svali's obsession with the idea of early training gets even weirder. Now she's claiming that the Illuminati gives DID to unborn babies in the 7th-9th month of pregnancy:
Techniques used include: placing headphones on the mother's abdomen, and playing loud, discordant music (such as some modern classical pieces, or even Wagner's operas). Loud, heavy rock has also been used. Other methods include having the mother ingest quantities of bitter substances, to make the amniotic fluid bitter, or yelling at the fetus inside the womb. The mother's abdomen may be hit as well. Mild shock to the abdomen may be applied, especially when term is near, and may be used to cause premature labor, or ensure that the infant is born on a ceremonial holiday.
She claims that trainers look for signs of dissociative ability in newborn babies, and will subject the infant to various abuses to induce fragmentation. And like... y'know, maybe the kinds of abuses she describes might induce dissociation and DID, but let's be real - these are not guaranteed results. However, the kinds of abuses she describes would certainly give a lot of kids issues so severe that you have to ask yourself how the hell it could possibly be worth it.
But the thing is, Svali's comprehension of trauma and DID are cartoonishly pseudoscientific. She essentially sees them as a brutal, yet efficient means to an end. Because alters don't always share memories, then this is clearly a perfect means for a global satanic cult to keep itself hidden. There's simply no awareness of other trauma-related disorders or common co-morbidities with DID. The fact that severe trauma tends to damage's a child's ability to learn skills and retain information, and therefore undermines her claim that all these kids are groomed into various forms of hypercompetence, doesn't seem to occur to her.
For Svali, DID appears to be a plot device, nothing more.
In chapter five, Svali begins to describe color, metal, and jewel programming. Supposedly, colors are associated with different alters, while metals and gems are awarded upon certain achievements - for example:
Emerald will often come later (ages 12 to 15). This is considered very precious, and is linked to family loyalty, witchcraft, and spiritual achievement. Emeralds will often have a black cat, or "familiar" linked to them.
In chapter five, Svali claims that the Illuminati also uses brain wave programming, which entails "having a young child go into a deep trance state, where they then learn to dissociate into a certain brain wave pattern." Supposedly, trainers give children hypnotic drugs and monitor their brainwaves. This only makes sense if you, like Svali, think that DID is the perfect cover for a global satanic conspiracy. Otherwise, it looks like a bunch of overcomplicated nonsense in a quest for questionable results.
Different brainwave states (alpha, beta, gamma, delta, epsilon, and phi/theta/omega) are associated with different skills/behaviors, which are mostly unrelated to what we actually know about brainwaves. For example, Svali claims that:
Delta: this is one of the more cognitive brain wave states, and will often be highly dissociated. It may also be the "ruling" or controlling state over the other brain wave systems.
In reality, delta waves are associated with deep sleep - the exact opposite of "cognitive."
In chapter seven, she claims that children undergo "military programming" from age three, and are gradually taught to kill actual people. And in this chapter, we can see another problem with Svali's claims emerge - she describes an Illuminati that is fatally self-defeating:
Exercises for older youth will include games where groups compete against each other, and the older teen leads, with the help of an adult advisor. Groups that win are rewarded, groups that lose are punished. The youth are taught to leave behind the weak, or slow members. Unfit members are shot or killed, and the youth leader learns to do these tasks.
Meanwhile, the actual military does not work like this, because this is a really fucking bad way to operate. You know what does work this way, though? Shitty fiction written by edgelords.
In chapter eight, Svali claims that some children are given CIA programming, where they basically learn spy shit, and all that photographic memory stuff. (Reminder that there is no evidence that photographic memory is even real, much less that it can be trained through the kinds of abusive methods Svali describes.)
And here we can see that Svali gets at least some of her ideas of what spies do from pop fiction:
An older youth, or adult, will also be taught not only how to lure a target into bed, but later how to kill them, if they are an assassination target, while they are asleep or relaxing after sexual relations.
And then it gets even weirder with:
Often, before an assignment for an assassination, the cult member will be indoctrinated with reasons why killing the victim is a service to humanity. They will be lied to and told that they are the head of a porno ring, a pedophile, or a brutal villain. This will engage the assassin's natural anger towards the person, and will motivate them, while helping to overcome their natural moral reluctance and guilt at killing a human being.
But... wait, Svali, aren't you contradicting yourself? Didn't you just claim that the Illuminati was pro-all-of-that shit? Didn't you claim that CSEM was "big business" in the Illuminati? Haven't you been claiming that brutality is just normal training methods here? Why would someone programmed to see these things as normal and good have a reaction like this?
And then she claims that there's governmental programming, where people are trained to get into government for the purpose of overthrowing it. She claims that they infiltrate and subvert both local and national government, and support whoever's sympathetic to the Illuminati.
Next she claims that there's scholarship programming, where children are taught ancient history, languages, and all the stuff a scary world dominating satanic cult would want to learn about, I guess.
With that done, I think this is a good time to end the post. In the next chapter, Svali's going to start talking about the alleged satanic purposes of one of Evangelical Christendom's favorite boogeymen: Hollywood movies.
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Character meta - Sortinghatschats
Based on the sortinghatschats system that describes the why and the how of characters and is the best personality system I know. For more info check out @wisteria-lodge and @sortinghatchats
Isaiah
Isaiah Wolfson is a bird primary. No other primary is this good in designing a completely new personality to go with a new system and this is exactly what Isaiah did, when he left his family at 18. He was eager too follow his father's system, his pack's system, until he witnessed it falling down. He saw the worst from his father, the double face, the masks, the paranoia and control, the abuse. Isaiah saw him at his lowest and he covered for him, cause he didn't want his brothers to know.
This brought him an existential crisis though. Cause obviously his father's system was flawed and so was his. Leaving gave him space to find himself, or rather, to completely rebuild himself. He gathered information. Studied psychology to learn more about the human psyche, to understand his own issues, his own confusion. And then it built into fascination. He got new role models, new work, new thoughts and figured out new codes for himself to live by. To be someone he can be proud of.
This new system led him to really embrace his badger secondary. Very untypical for a wolves, who like to posture, who need to have clear power ranks before they are capable of functioning in one room with others, who have their insistent shadows reflecting their deepest desires, raw, ruthless and always, no matter the rationality of it.
But Isaiah's method is caretaking. He bonds with people, offers help, considers their needs, remembers names. He bonds and community builds, throwing himself at young wolves, problematic cases. Seeing a person, he can't help but be kind and considerate. This is something he can only afford because of how insanely powerful and well-trained his shadow is. He gets respect for his power and skill - and that's how he gets away with acting out for character. Being polite, nice and kind, because he wants to. Because he can put people in place if they take it as a weakness.
His emphasis on politeness and good manners, on being gallant and well-dressed, orderly and systematic are all expressions of his smooth courtier badger wanting to be respectful and pleasant to people. And it works, cause man, this guy has contacts. He knows someone, who knows someone, who will help out. He doesn't live in packs or whole communities, he doesn't need it, but when he starts calling in for favours, the city bend itself over for him to fulfill his wish.
It's ironic Isaiah got to deal with an abusive exploded lion badger (his goal of keeping the pack strong is everything and he is willing to sacrifice everyone for it with a very sly badger secondary including the general opinion in his favour) for a father and a glory hound lion for a brother, only to meet and fall for Seline. Seline Silverstein, a proud loud lion primary.
There is steady certainty in how she trusts her instincts, her gut decisions and feelings. She doesn't do anything she absolutely doesn't want to do, following her dream as a cultural studies student and researcher at the university. She believes in being responsible for your own happiness, she has a clear goal and purpose and follows it.
Her outspoken morals, her inability to be silent, the need to provoke and challenge people when something doesn't feel right get her into trouble frequently. True to her primary she is very willing to go against the flow, her friends, people around her. Society won't pressure her away from what she feels is right and she backs it up with research. And she isn't loyal to people or sides either, she follows thoughts. Idealist to the core.
So when the family situation with her brother being a spoiled little brat as a wolf and using his puberty and wolf shadow as excuses made the situation unbearable, she didn't have qualms to move out. She isn't sorry to not belong in any witch coven or wolf pack, if they can't lower their pressure of her being a nice, soothing little witch. The classic role would be a very gentle, caring, tolerant female to calm the wolf tempers in the pack. Thanks, but no thanks. And even though this provokes and irritates the wolf society around her, she values her independence and he beliefs too much to back out.
The lion sometimes gets covered by a very strong and passionate bird secondary though. Seline researches, plans, strategizes and analyses. She is a prepper for all kinds of situations. The tendency to prepare is too much at times, the way she researchers every new skill, verifies information, reads herself into discourses before getting onto something.
Very fitting little bird secondary for her research work. A lion goal and determination followed by a meticulously prepared bird? She is a force to be reconed with, no matter her gentle sweet appearance.
Now as for the pairing, Seline is very attracted to Isaiah's thought out intellectual bird thinking. Isaiah has everything reasoned out, overexplains his tiniest beliefs and habits and Seline digs that stuff. She just loves to reason and think and she likes to back her feelings with clear evidence and eloquent thoughts and loads of reseach, true to her bird secondary. Bird Isaiah is an ideal intellectual sparring partner for her.
Matthew Blackwell has a very straightforward snake lion sorting. The lion secondary is very loud and direct, goes with his tough guy persona and angry wolf image. He has his temper issues and a very blood knight kind of passion for fighting. It's just fun for him, like a sport or a game. Getting into boxing and running really helped him find a good outlet for it instead of just causing him trouble.
The snake is more subdued and living in a rather neutral zone. Matthew didn't have people in his corner for a long time, and with no snake circle he relief on his agressive lion instead. Finding Isaiah, befriending Seline, getting a sort of maybe pack with them was a key moment for him. Now his snake is adopting people and though he is sometimes awkward in caring for them as well as he would like out of sheer inexperience, he is getting there. Maybe even on the way to built a useful badger secondary model for the caretaking required around his people who are strong and yet havr vulnerbilitied he can cover for.
And Matthew is a sweet marshmallow inside who will put his people above everything. He is the only loyalist in the trio, with Isaiah and Seline being idealists. As long as he fits Seline's felt goals and Isaiah's built system of how the world works, it's a stable combination.
Hector Wolfson is a double lion. Very intense sorting. His lion primary has a very Badger like flavour, influence of how he had been brought up in the pack. Duty, greater good of the whole, community. He accepts and tries to follow this, but inside he is a loud glory hound lion in it for himself, for acknowledgement of his strength, his leadership, him being the best.
Hector struggled with the idea that as the second oldest brother Isaiah had a stronger claim to succeed their father for the leadership of the pack than him. Not to mention that catching up to Isaiah was difficult on its own, but Hector never stopped trying. He worked his butt off in training, control, education. For how arrogant, ambitious and self-centered he is, there is lots of hard work, skill and determination to back him up. Lion willpower, let me tell you.
Hector never recovered from Isaiah abandoning what he considered his greatest goal and honour. Isaiah basically spit on what had been unfairly handed to him by leaving the pack instead of leading it. Hector should be happy about this, now he will most likely be the successor. Except Isaiah's reasoning doesn't make sense and Hector now never got to defeat him in a fair fight. He will never be able to prove he was better and more suited, when Isaiah doesn't consider his life long goal worth the fight. It angers him to no end.
Add to this the lion secondary that likes to power through, kick down doors, burn down bridges and say everything directly...not effective in schemer politics of the wolves, but very much so in getting respect and recognition for power and posturing alone. Wolves respect him. Not to mention his double lion has a very inspiring leadership quality to it. Lions are intense, loud and easy to make people follow them.
At the same time his lion secondary isn't destructive or aggressive to the point he couldn't fulfill his obligations. At civilised wolf parties and strategic meetings, Hector can keep his cool and insult people in a very polite measured manner no one can dispute. He cuts the pleasantries and talks around it short and gets things moving. No-one said lions couldn't be polite. They are just very direct and no nonsense about it.
By the way, his second in the pack, Delaney, shares the double lion sorting. Idealistic, goal-oriented, steady in her determination and very on par with Hector's direct approach.
The Wolfson trio (Hector has brown eyes though) is rounded up by a double snake youngest brother. Arnold "Arnie" Wolfson really got an unfortunate hand. A human brother in the family, he wasn't interesting for his father's ambitions and was left out of lot of the wolf pack business and power struggles.
Arnie has that air of shameless self-worth and self-interest of a young snake though. He likes fun, joy and the pretty things in life. He is here to enjoy himself. And he doesn't care about politics. The most he cares about other than himself is his tiny circle. The pack doesn't matter to him as a whole, he doesn't feel obliged to it. Isaiah and Hector are his people, and he wants them back and nice to each other. That's it. Where Hector can't forgive Isaiah for betraying their common goal and can't move past this to try to understand or figure out his mysteries, Arnie just longs to get back to his brother and reconcile. Isaiah can betray them or leave them or do incomprehensible stuff for wolf standards, but he is Arnie's person so he will be forgiven and given the benefit of the doubt. Arnie, in contrast to Hector, wants to understand, wants to find out, wants to get along.
His secondary is a playful snake. Arnie likes to tease, lie, push and change strategies in the middle if they don't work. Silver-tounged with mischief in his eyes, he enjoys the freedom of his humanity. He might not matter for the wolves, but he knows them and their etiquette enough to play at whatever situation to turn it in his favour. While wolves are busy figuring out ranks and fighting off their shadows, he will design the positions and talks to support his agenda. Quick on his feet and sneaky and very much enjoys it. Sonny Carter is a double snake as well - it's just very handy for charming behind the scene schemers.
Isaiah - Bird/Badger
Seline - Lion/Bird
Matthew - Snake/Lion with a Badger model on the way
Hector - Lion/Lion
Arnie - Snake/Snake
Delaney - Lion/Lion
Sonny - Snake/Snake
Caleb - Lion/Snake
Mr Wolfson - exploded Lion/Badger
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Do you use any discredited communication method such as Facilitated Communication??
(RPM is not “better than FC.” It is FC rebranded. The individual holding the letterboard still holds the letterboard and moves it, whether subconsciously due to ideomotor effect or on purpose. Victims are not allowed to resist verbally and are not encouraged to develop the verbal speech they already have. It’s taken as “meaningless unreliable speech” and ignored. Autism is NOT primarily a motor control disorder, which is one of the biggest lies of FC, and “impulsive speech” has NOT been backed by tje scientific autism literature. It is invented by “FC users” and their facilitators as a post hog rationalization of why verbal FCed people can say things that contradict their FCed or RPMed words. )
It is also very suspicious how most notorious FC users and those paraded as “success stories”, have since “disappeared” from the public eye entirely. https://www.facilitatedcommunication.org/blog/mysterious-disappearances-in-the-world-of-fc-what-does-it-take-to-sustain-the-illusion I suspect this will also be the case with new “tumblr generation” and more to come with the new variant, S2C. The author of this piece is a former facilitator who was involved in the infamous Betsy Wheatson case, in which she made her victim falsely allege abuse against a parent and tore her family apart. We only know the fate of two in the article, Tito M. and Amy Sequenzia. The former his mother still parades around, the latter she’s living in a facility after her facilitator (father) abused her. Organizations like ASAN had those like Amy on their board when her words are not her own so she could not have been called a “self advocate.” We shouldn’t even know these profoundly autistic people, if it wasn’t that their facilitators made it their mission to advertise them as FC role models and marketing purposes. They were used, now nowhere to be seen.
Others who are paraded as “success stories” within FC have a trajectory that I’m beginning to suspect may be the case with you. Amanda Baggs, for example, claimed to use FC, but was really a malingering schizophrenic who went to early college program perfectly typical with no issues. She may have had a late regression as many on Tumblr like “five thousand loaves of bread” claim to have. She claimed to have catatonia which many on this platform claim as well. Either way that didn’t matter in the end, because she was still subject to the practice of FC and she too mysteriously disappeared as of 2020 alleging medical abuse and no one knows where she is to this day. She is still cited as a “foundational neurodiversity advocate” and so is Amy S. , Carly F, Naomi H and Sharisa K. So is Donna Williams, a multiple personality case with an autistic “alter” who later claimed to be a severely autistic person. All these people are either abused and exploited or greatly exaggerated their disabilities. I suspect this may be the case with you and those like you.
If we are supposed to feel bad about not presuming competence of these folks, why are we supposed to feel good about Amy dumped and mistreated, about Carly (who notoriously went missing after a molestation accusation?) And why are we supposed to listen to these Tumblr users who are consigned to similar fates? Why should we listen?
post this for archive
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now that block them so talk little (overwhelm w stuff so short)
1. interesting i not get the “are you really nonverbal” bc think this person inherent not believe me & regress (judge by mention my url & “suspect this may be case for you/those like you”)
2. not do good job proof read before copy paste send because “as many on tumblr like (my url) claim have” when send ask to me
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VegasPete Doctor AU
So @dramaloverrants sent me a fic prompt of Doctor Vegas and my imagination ran away from me. Disclaimer that I know absolutely nothing about hospitals or medicine beyond the five episodes of a medical drama I watched once
In one universe, Grandpa Theerapanyakul got rich from opening a hospital. As his sons, Korn and Kan inherited with Korn becoming the hospital ceo. In this universe, both Kinn and Vegas are doctors to continue in the family business. Tankhun went off to become a psychiatrist and Kim still became Wik because he’s a rebel. Vegas wanted to be a surgeon but ended up becoming a general practitioner under Kan’s pressure because that’s what Kinn chose.
In this world, whether it’s due to the lack of normalized violence or crime, Vegas’ mother lives to see her son become a doctor. In fact, he’s an adult and a doctor at Theerapanyakul hospital when eventually she dies from a beating at Kan’s hands. It’s covered up with hefty bribes of course but that’s when everything changes.
Theerapanyakul hospital is the largest hospital in Bangkok. They get many many patients. It’s not rare for a victim of domestic abuse to end up seeking treatment there. But suddenly, every time Vegas treats such a person, all he can see is his mother’s corpse. It doesn’t take very long before he has a mental list of all his patients who are likely victims of domestic abuse. In fact, it’s not difficult at all before he has a longer list of victims who come to the hospital for treatment. From there, it is nothing at all before he finds the name of their abusive spouses and parents.
That’s when everything changes. Kan continues to come to his office occasionally to berate him for not beating Kinn at whatever. With his mother’s death fresh in his mind, Vegas has difficulty controlling his rage. After one such incident, he happens to see a person on his list of abusers on an IV. It’s barely even a thought before he strides over and administers a lethal overdose.
It is only after the patient dies and the incident is covered up that he realizes what he’s done. He waits for someone to arrest him. But no one does. He realizes no one knows he was the culprit. Despite this, Vegas is a good doctor and considers turning himself in. Eventually, he sees the deceased abuser’s victim who comes in less frequently and looks happier and healthier, which quiets his conscience. And then, the next time he passes someone on his list, he considers doing it again.
Despite everything, Vegas is a smart and meticulous man. He plans everything. Including a backup plan. After all, if eventually discovered, who better to take the fall than his own mother’s murderer? It will be the one thing Kan does for his family. So he’s cautious. And takes care to only commit murder while his father is in the building.
At some point, too many people have died from IVs and an investigation is launched into the potentially contaminated IV bags. By this point, Vegas has moved to other methods of murder as well and despite avoiding murder by IV overdose, people continue to die.
It’s in this atmosphere that the hospital hires new nurses straight out of nursing school. Notably, they hire Porsche and Pete.
Porsche is a poor orphan raising a little brother. Nursing is a reliable source of income with a high probability of finding a job and low risk. He pursues it for the financial advantage but with the other part time jobs he held while in school, his grades aren’t the best. Unbeknownst to him, his mother was a childhood friend of Korn and Kan. Korn seeing his application, hires him. It doesn’t take long before Kinn is enamored with this new nurse who barely even cares that he is the boss’ son. Soon, he is the nurse who works with Kinn most regularly.
Pete meanwhile applied to nursing for similar reasons. However, unlike Porsche, his grandmother is more financially independent than Chay and Pete was able to focus more on his studies, graduating top of his class. Pete and Porsche are best friends from nursing school. Pete is also the only reason Porsche even applied to Theerapanyakul Hospital because with his grades, Porsche had accepted that he likely wasn’t getting into the city’s most prestigious hospital.
Porsche, as mentioned, is scooped up by Kinn. Pete meanwhile lingers in the children’s section of the hospital. At some point, Pete is assigned to Vegas by someone because Dr Vegas is very good at all aspects of his practice except putting people at ease. Pete’s smiley face tends to make up for it and the two make a good team. Vegas has no particular feelings about this team up past acknowledging Pete’s competence and does not protest. Eventually, they become closer. Close enough that one day, Pete goes to talk to Vegas between appointments and catches the tail end of Kan’s rant. Kan storms without noticing Pete and when Pete goes in, the bright red handprint of Vegas’ face makes it obvious what happened.
Vegas falls for Pete that day as he shares the story of his own abusive father and gets him ice for his face. It doesn’t take very long for them to get together even if most of the hospital doesn’t notice because they’re not as conspicuous about it as KinnPorsche who make out in the staff lounge all the time and have been caught partially dressed in Kinn’s office.
Furthermore, there’s additional gossip because the CEO’s youngest son is suddenly around all the time. Kim had gone to see Kinn who is the only doctor he will trust and met Chay who was waiting for his brother to finish his shift in the waiting room and been captivated by his pretty smile. Chay meanwhile is fangirling that he met Wik in the waiting room and he keeps. Coming. Back. Chay is gonna die.
Amidst the romance, patients continue to die. Vegas might be in love but it only takes the next patient he has to stitch up while their small child watches for his rage to resurface.
Eventually, the deaths pile up enough for the hospital reputation to take a hit and make the news. Kimlock Holmes starts investigating.
Vegas is eventually caught. By Pete.
Pete isn’t stupid. Vegas is overdosing the dad of that one kid who came in with obvious hand shaped bruises. Vegas is panicking. But Pete helps him run off. Why? Vegas wants to know. Did I ever tell you how my dad died. Pete asks. I pushed him down the stairs.
In Vegas’ office, they talk more. Vegas shares which people are still on his list. Pete shares how much he’d wished as a kid after losing hope of outside interference that his dad would just drop dead one day. Vegas shares how he’s planning to make his dad his scapegoat for murdering his mom. They’re making out when someone walks in on them and the gossip spreads like wildfire.
Suddenly, Vegas has a coconspirator who can kill when his dad is in the building but he’s not. Suddenly, if Pete says Vegas was with me, no one questions this. They go through the list very quickly after that.
It is very very easy for Pete to figure out from Chay that Kim suspects Kan because he’s the only person consistently around when people die. It’s also very very easy for Pete to sneak into Kan’s office while he’s berating Vegas and plant evidence.
Kim investigates and finds the planted evidence. Police get involved and Kan is arrested and convicted. No one actually makes the connection between the murdered victims because most of the abuse is not reported or documented. Everyone just thinks Kan is a serial killer.
In the aftermath, Vegas and Pete resign. It had been Pete who wanted to return to his hometown to work at the local hospital there. Vegas in light of the revelations against his dad wants to make a new start and is planning to go with Pete. Korn accepts their resignations and the two take Macau and relocate to the small local hospital of Pete’s hometown. And if people start dropping dead? Well the number of abusers in a town this small are very few. And a few deaths in the hospital is only expected.
Macau like having a grandmother around to spoil him rotten and Pete’s grandmother likes having another child to spoil. Nurse Pete is a favorite with the kids. And Vegas? Vegas is a good doctor.
#kinnporche the series#doctor au#serial killer doctor#vegaspete#pete saengtham#vegas theerapanyakul#Vegas is a good doctor#Pete is his smiley nurse#kimlock holmes catches the wrong guy#it’s definitely kan’s fault
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Politics?? In My Chainsaw Man?
I can’t sleep, so we’re doing a sleep-deprived political reading of chainsaw man part 1, Spoilers inbound.
Alright, the simplest reading of chainsaw mans political messaging is about the meaning of labour and worker abuse.
It's about how Japanese society directly breaks people in the way they are treated and expected to work. The phrasing of "contracts" being made with powerful devils seems pretty deliberate. Especially in the way that the literal bosses of every organization are either literal devils (Makima) Or will do things just as bad. The theme of, "You have to be crazy to work here" is one phrase that's shown and expanded upon with each of the characters. The problem is that “here” means everywhere. You have to be crazy to work, period.
Denji
Denji enters the story missing parts of his body and living in poverty. Eating cigarettes because it’ll get him cash. Unable to ask for a happy life because he’s barely even living one. In a conventional story, Denji would rise to higher ranks to make more money or suddenly come into massive wealth, but that isn’t what happens.
Pochita is seen as an asset, something to use for just his value and nothing more until he meets Denji.
Something special about Denji nobody really talks about is that he never dreams of labour, he only ever dreams about living a normal life, never the means to which he’ll get it.
He simply does what he can to survive. When Pochita brings Denji back to life he doesn’t tell him to get to work or to put his powers to use. A key difference between the contract Denji and Pochita make is that it’s not an exchange. Nothing is lost the same way other devil hunters make contracts. He leaves all of it up to Denji and simply asks to see his dreams. He only ever wants Denji to keep on dreaming.
So he does.
Until Makima comes in, at least. See, there's also the very subtle subtext about how Makima literally controls the uneducated worker with promises that can never really go anywhere.
Taking control of his desire and motivations to make him a better worker or, as she phrases it, “dog” (Check out my writeup about Denji and Boobs for a little more about that.)
The System
Most characters who play directly into the system or accept it end up dying pretty horrible deaths that can be blamed on someone above their level. Makima is untouchable because she can move any damage to her onto the average citizen. It’s a method of avoiding responsibility. Governments try and create a tax on shitty practices? The company still does it and just raises prices on people to compensate. Wanna raise the minimum wage? Hope you enjoy an unnecessary price increase on your coffee because some dickhead can always offshore the cost to the average person.
Aki and Power both end up playing into the system and suffer for it. Makima gives the trio a healthy situation and living space and promotes the idea of a family that the system can ultimately take away at any time if you aren't working the way she wants. It almost seems to mimic how the current Japanese obsession with work is almost entirely responsible for the low birth rates because these big companies and governments are the only ones who can give you the chance to start a proper family. They’ll never give that because the culture is so backbent in their favour in the obsession with work.
Also, Denji sings about unions once, which quite literally is the process of workers coming together to use their power to benefit and control their future.
But what’s the point? What’s the point of Makima’s fascism? The point of Leftist Denji and everything.
Well, the answer is in cinema.
Makima mentions that in her perfect world, there are no bad movies. Denji rejects this. Denji knows that the world isn’t that cut and dry and that people will find love and value in different ways. Makima is an agent of modernity. The ideology of “everything has a purpose.” In Makima’s perfect world, there are no weak people, there is no suffering, and there are no weak humans, there is no Denji. There are no bad movies.
Makima is every producer, she’s every studio note and screen test. She’s not on the side of art or humanity, she’s on the side of whatever the system deems correct.
Denji doesn’t give a shit. He isn’t the post-modern hero that needs to understand and question the system. He’s honestly maybe even past that point. I’m 100% certain he doesn’t have an answer to fixing the world, but he knows Makima isn’t it. So Denji breaks free and does what he wants to. He decides to go to school to learn. (Realistically, he is not paying attention in classes, but you learn more than just the curriculum at school) He decides that his life is gonna have all kinds of movies, and nobody’s gonna decide how he makes his.
Denji is a high schooler shooting films on his phone, and he’s better for it.
#chainsaw man#csm#denji#makima#csm manga#csm analysis#reply with just listen to the song and I'm shooting you
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Edward Cullen Master Post
Edward Gets Weird About Everything
Edward Cullen’s Transformation Back into Humanity: A Novel by Vladimir Nabokov
Edward is Living His Best Romantic Tragedy Life and He Loves It
To Stare at Edward is to Stare in the Face of Madness
Edward Didn’t Want Alice Look After Bella in New Moon at All
Edward Wants His Human Girlfriend Cake and To Eat it Too
Edward’s Double Think, Fighting Prowess, and Issues With Bella’s Transformation
More on Edward and His Insecurity
What Would Edward Do if Bella Had Hobbies? (Hyperanalyze Them)
What if Edward Had Lived Out His Human Life?
Edward and Panic Changing Bella
Edward’s Romanticization of Suicide and Planned Suicide
Can Edward Care About People Beyond What He Projects onto Them?
Edward Would Panic if Bella Got the Flu (He Did Canonically)
What’s Up with Edward’s Parents Being Such Non-Entities to Him?
Would Edward Get Weird if Carlisle Had Had Kids?
If Carlisle Hadn’t Turned Edward, Would He Be Able to Get Him on the Diet?
Yes, Edward Canonically Asked His Entire Male Family: How to Sex
Edward, Even More Disturbing than Usual
Edward Cullen and That Time He Planned to Pimp Out His Wife
Edward’s Plan Was Always to Leave Bella and Kill Himself Upon Her Death
Edward Would Not Have Been Interested in Bella Had She Not Been His Singer
Edward Cullen and Patrick Bateman
Could Edward Murder Alice If She Got In His Way? (Yes but She Never Would)
Edward Will Never Confess His Innermost Thoughts to Anyone (Deep Down, He Knows There’s Something Off About Him)
Could Edward Get Away With Gaslighting a Victim Under His Own Roof?
Edward and the Moment He Empathized with a Pedophile in Canon
What Did Edward Say to Rosalie After She’d Turned that Even He Admitted Was Deplorable?
When Would Edward Kill Bella but Not Eat Her?
Would Edward Kill Someone Who Had a Gift to Not Require Blood?
Edward Has Mother and Father Issues
The Time Edward Methodically Planned Bella’s Murder
Why is Edward on Board with the Imprinting?
How Would Edward Run Mike Newton Out of Town if He Decided to Do so?
What Would Edward Do if Someone Knew the Secret?
A Meta on Edward and Reincarnation or Anon Writes a Meta
Edward Would Absolutely Use and Abuse Compulsion All the Time if He Had it, Especially on Bella
Yes, Edward Really Was Going to Kill Himself After Bella Died
Edward, Super Genius Mastermind
Edward Cullen Thinks He Belongs in House of Cards, in Truth He’s an Idiot Who Says Outrageous Things
Edward the Serial Killer Would Bore L
Edward and Casinos (Or Edward Would Think He’s Going to Be Amazing but Would Be Caught Very Easily and Thrown Out)
On the Physical Aspects of Edward Cullen
Edward’s Not Actually the Fastest
Edward Probably Did Take Weeks to Die
Gentlemen Don’t Jog
Yes, Edward Could Murder a Newborn Bella
Edward and His Red Hair
Anon Beautifully Makes Fun of Edward’s Need for Speed
Would Snape Be Safe from Edward’s Gift? (No)
Were Edward’s Eyes Not Red After Sucking the Poison Out?!
Edward Without His Gift is Still Weird
Why is Edward So Depressed? (Sometimes, People Are Depressed)
Would a Sane Edward Admit He’s Gay?
Yes, Edward Really Does Have That Good of Control
If Edward Has the Reflexes of a Panther, How Can He Accidentally Crash a Car?
Could Edward Have Saved Bella from a Plane Crash? (No)
Nuances of Edward’s Gift
Can Edward Read Your Mind Through Aro?
Edward is Probably Not Circumcised
More on Edward’s Hair Color
Edward’s Thoughts on Life and the Universe
Edward Cullen’s Thoughts on the Family
In the Trolley Problem, Between Renesmee and Bella, Edward Chooses Renesmee
In the Trolley Problem, Between Carlisle and Bella, Who Does Edward Choose?
Why Does Edward Hate Jasper?
Would Edward Hate Jasper Even More if Jasper Had Good Control? (Probably Not)
Edward and Reddit
Would Edward Have Still Been Interested in an Older Bella? (No, He Eats Her)
Edward’s Gift and Language and Follow Up
What if Edward Suspected a Scarlet Woman Was After Carlisle?
Edward If Jessica Stanley Suspecting Him of Vampirism Caught Him By Surprise
Would Light Yagami and Edward Cullen Get Along?
Would Wizard Trotsky (From Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus) and Edward Cullen Get Along?
Edward and Batman
How Would Edward See Tom Riddle?
Why Are Edward and Seth Friends?
Edward’s Thoughts on Halloween
Edward Really Doesn’t Care About His Human Parents
Yes, Edward Really Did Want to Marry Bella
Would Edward Be Happier If He Didn’t Have His Gift?
Would Edward Even Care About Bella Had She Been Raised in Forks by Charlie?
Was Edward Inspired by the Volturi Wives When He Kidnapped Bella in Eclipse?
What if You Mentally Shriek at Random Intervals in Edward’s Vicinity?
Edward and How Bella Really Could Look Like Almost Anything
How Would Edward Feel About Anti-Vaxxers?
Edward’s Fragile Ego and How He’ll Never Admit Bella Might Be More Powerful than He is
What Did Edward Mean About Bella’s Blood Not Bothering Him in Eclipse?
If Edward Lived in a World with Daemons, Would He Still Insist He Has No Soul? (Yes)
What Would Make Edward Truly Happy?
Does Edward Support Divorce?
Would Edward Ever be Chill About Bella Staying in Volterra?
Why Do I Think Edward Would Mercy-Kill Bella?
How Would Edward React to Someone Else Whose Mind He Can’t Read?
How Would Edward Feel if Renesmee Had Inherited His Gift?
Why Edward Might Refer to Rosalie as a Shrew
Could Edward Ever Lose Faith in Carlisle? What Would it Take?
Will Edward Resent Renesmee?
Edward Didn’t Seem to Care About the Legalities of Marriage That Much
Does Edward Resent Alice for Leaving in Breaking Dawn?
Would Edward Have Liked Rosalie if He Couldn’t Hear Her Thoughts? (No, He Dislikes the Idea of Her)
Would Edward Still Be an Angst Ridden Mess if He Was a More Traditional Vampire Vampire?
Why Does Edward Like Alice Anyways?
Why Did Edward Save Bella from the Van?
Would Edward Protect Bella from The Purge or Use it as an Excuse to Eat Her?
Does Edward Victim Blame?
Everyone Already Pants After Carlisle, Edward Knows
Edward Plays Kiss, Marry, Kill: The Answers Will Shock You!
Edward: Probably Not that Offended by Traditionally Unfeminine Women
How Would Edward React if Rosalie Had Brought Home a Woman From the Mountain?
Edward, The Madonna/Whore Complex, and Why He’s Not Sleeping with Tanya
Would Edward Change His Opinion of Mike Newton if He Protected Her from the Van and Died?
Could Edward Have Sex Outside of Marriage?
How Would Edward React to Having Sex with a Close Female Friend He Doesn’t Love?
Would Edward Be Happier Embracing His Inner Demon?
Does Edward Believe in Soulmates?
What if Someone Read Ao3 Porn Next to Edward in Class?
Edward Believes in Soulmates and Will Probably Cheat on Bella: Somehow Not Mutually Exclusive
Edward Doesn’t Think Demetri is Dangerous
Why Would Edward Make Bella Human Again (If He Only Got to Pick One)?
Why Edward Never Uses Tongue/Open Mouthed Kissing When Bella’s Human
If You Asked for Sex with a Human Advice, Post Canon Edward Would Probably Still Point You to the Denali
Canon Edward was Horrified of Edward, Human Edward Would Be Too
Edward and the Least Interested Someone Can React to “An Aggressively Female Body”
Edward in General
Edward’s the Heart of the Family
If Edward Went to Hogwarts Would Dumbledore Read His Mind?
Did Edward Contact the Denali to Learn How to Best Have Sex with Bella?
Why Do I think Harry Potter and Edward Cullen are Gay?
Edward Has No Gaydar
Yes, Edward Was Really Trying to Kill Himself in Volterra
Edward and the Phantom of the Opera
Was Edward Always Crazy?
Is Edward Charming?
Does Edward Like ABBA?
How Long Until Edward Loses Interest in Bella?
Which Pairing Makes Edward Suffer the Most?
Would Edward Ever Join the Volturi? (Or, Edward’s Ego Takes a Bruising)
Has Edward Seen the Wall of Carlisle?
Under What Circumstances Would Edward Murder Carlisle?
Thoughts on Edward’s Misogyny
Would Edward Have Eloped?
How Would Edward Have Reacted if One of His Victims from the 1930′s Survived to Become a Man-Eating Vampire?
How are Edward and Louis Pointe du Lac from Interview with a Vampire Similar?
The Similarities Between Edward and Breaking Bad’s Walter White
Would Edward Have Spared His Son Edward Jacob as He Did Renesmee?
How Would I Make Edward a More Moral Person?
How Would Edward React at the Idea of a Gifted Carlisle?
What if Edward Had Been Alone in the Ballet Studio?
How Did Edward React the First Time Carlisle and Esme Went to Isle Esme?
What if Carlisle Had Brought Edward to Volterra?
If Aro Had Decided to Use Chelsea When Edward Thought Bella Was Dead Would He Still Insist on Suicide?
What is Edward’s Self-Inheritance Scheme?
Armand from Interview with a Vampire and Edward Cullen are the Same Person
How Would Edward React if Bella Ate a Person?
Does Edward Even Have Morals?
Edward’s Gift and Foreign Languages
Would Edward’s New Moon Plan Even Work?
Edward Got Beat Up by Jane Once
Can Edward Play Rush E?
Edward Probably Didn’t Go to Prom Before Bella and Got Weird About It
If Animal Blood Weakened Gifts, Edward Would Still Be on the Diet
Can Edward Stop Repressing His Homosexuality and Could Carlisle Tell Him He’s Gay?
How Would Edward React if Bella Had Said Rosalie’s Name Longingly in Her Sleep?
What Would Edward Have Done if Bella Hadn’t Agreed to Marry Him?
On Why Even if There Was a Vampire Therapist it Wouldn’t Help Edward Much
Could Edward Be a CEO?
Could Edward, Garrett, and Jasper Be the Volturi?
Are Edward and Carlisle Similar to Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars?
You Can’t Trust Edward
You Can’t Trust a Word Out of Edward’s Mouth, Especially About the Volturi
Edward Can Absolutely Be Blocked (He’s Still Not the Fastest)
Edward’s General Reliability and His View of Bella and Alice’s Friendship
Despite Edward’s Insistence, He Does Not Look Like a Cougar When He Hunts
Edward Doesn’t Listen to a Word Bella Says
In the World of Comedy, Everyone is the Straight Man to Edward’s Lunacy
Edward Hyperanalyzes Everything Bella Says
How the Hell Did Edward Beat Victoria?
Edward and His Insane Double Think
Edward Likes Blondes
Why Does Edward Hate the Volturi So Much?
Yes, Edward Thinks He’s Better Than Us Mortal Plebians
Is Edward Dumber than Harry Potter?
Can Edward Self-Improve?
Can Edward Actually Play Piano or is This a Debacle?
It Doesn’t Matter What Aro Was Thinking When He First Met Edward, Edward Would Not Notice or Care
Okay, But What if Edward Caught Carlisle and Aro in the Act? Could He Still Deny? (I Believe in Edward)
Edward Can Read Neurodivergent Minds, He’s Just an Asshole
#twilight#twilight meta#twilight headcanon#twilight renaissance#edward cullen#anti edward cullen#the cullens#master post#meta
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