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katytheinspiredworkaholic · 9 months

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WIP Wednesday

Dreamwalker (Eddie’s Story)

Summary: Steddie Canon compliant/fix-it fic paired with a corresponding story in Steve’s POV, each chapter happens in tandem with the other. Eddie wakes up alone in the Upside Down, not knowing how he survived, and unable to reach anyone topside in Hawkins. Wounded and alone, he finds shelter at the Harrington’s house (the place is a damn fortress after all), and while hiding out there discovers that he has gained the ability to walk into other people’s dreams.

((unbeta'd snippet from Chapter 03 that probably has some incorrect information in regards to the Upside Down/history of the show but I haven't gone back to fact check just yet. Also remember Eddie does not have some information that the others do so there are missing pieces there as well: for instance, he is calling the Demogorgon a Nazgûl (because we are doing lots of LotR references, and he never actually saw a Demogorgon in the show). He is currently hiding at the Byer's old house, and ends up falling asleep there while the creatures ourside are hunting. This is the first chapter where Eddie doesn't dreamwalk with Steve -- but with someone else. And therefore learns that he can walk into anyone's dreams. Also sets the tone for the rest of Eddie's story. There's 15 chapters total, if that helps paint the picture of how much more there is untold. Another stupidly long snippet, but it will probably be my last one for Eddie for a while. I'm wishy-washy on when the fic will be posted, and the logistics of formatting dreams vs. reality, but more info will come when the time nears. For the purpose of this snippet, the dream is in italics and reality is in regular))

—

Eddie dreams, and almost immediately he knows it’s not his own.

After finding himself walking through Steve Harrington’s dreams, Eddie discovers they feel very distinctly different from experiencing his own. It’s less confusing, for one thing, and he’s more sure of himself and his body as he moves around within the dreamscape. But he’s only dreamed with Steve twice, both when sleeping in his bed in his home, and there’s something very not Steve about this dream.

For one thing, he’s back in the woods. Not the Upside Down version of the woods, either, because the trees are intact and the air smells less foul, and there’s a different hue to the darkness here. Almost like it’s lighter, more familiar, nostalgic to his rattled senses.

He spins around, hands in his jacket pockets, once again wearing his battle vest (he misses it a lot, maybe Harrington kept it for him) and his Hellfire shirt. His armor. His go-to outfit. If he was to be drawn like a cartoon character in Scooby-Doo or some shit, wearing the same thing every frame, this is what he’d have on. And when he looks out into the darkness, he finds himself alone. Very much alone.

But this isn’t his dream.

How does he know this? Don’t fucking ask him. Eddie can just… feel it. Like when you step outside and can tell it’s about to rain. The atmosphere is just different.

He can also tell this isn’t Steve’s. Steve’s dreams feel like wearing a warm sweatshirt, they are crisp and confined and comforting even when they are facing something scary. But this… this feels more brittle. More watery. Smaller.

Then, Eddie sees him.

A little boy, standing in the woods. The towering trees seem to press in on him from either side, the forest floor is a shag carpet of leaves, roots and dips in the ground that could swallow that kid whole. He looks so small, and lost. Eddie had been lost in the woods before, when he didn’t know that if you just keep walking in one direction you’ll eventually hit a road. So he makes his way towards the boy, and only pauses when his vision fails him.

Well, it must have, anyway. Because Eddie could have sworn it was a little boy, about nine years old, and then like a movie-frame shutter the boy ages a few years. And then the click shutter happens again. It’s very ghost-story-esque and Eddie isn’t sure he wants to get much closer after that. The boy shutters between ages: maybe 10 years old, then 12 years old, 15 years old, and back to 10. If he had to guess.

But his presence doesn’t go unnoticed, the kid turns to him and looks at him with wide eyes. He’s got a rather unfortunate bowl-cut and big watery eyes and is looking at Eddie like he’s one of the Nazgûl come to eat him alive. So Eddie raises his hands in the universal gesture of ‘I come in peace’ and – it takes him a moment to realize he’d done something similar to Chrissy all those months ago. Trying to make himself not look so scary for a moment, when he spends most of his time otherwise doing his very best to have ‘Fuck Off’ stamped on his forehead.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he tells the kid, who about trips over his own feet to back away. “I’m not gonna hurt you. What’s your name?”

The boy licks his lips in nervousness, shutters between 10 and 12 again, a courage in his eyes as he finds his voice.

“Will Byers.”

…Oh, shit.

Eddie’s eyes are a little wider, now, and he lets out a deep breath as he tries to gain his bearings. He’d fallen asleep in mini-Byer’s room, and now he was in his dream.

So that’s how it works.

“Will Byers,” he murmurs, still a little shell-shocked. “Your friends with Wheeler and Henderson.”

He blinks and the kid is 15, almost as tall as he is, looking at him with more curiosity now. But then he’s 10 again, fingers clenched at his sides, suspicious and untrusting.

“Who are you?” he asks, his little voice doing its best not to shake.

“My name is Eddie.” He’s usually good with little kids, and he’d get down to the other’s level if he didn’t have a tendency to switch between four feet and six. But the spark of recognition is worth the softer tones, because the kid immediately connects a bunch of information Eddie isn’t privy to. But he gets the same look in his eyes that Henderson does when he figures something out.

“Eddie who died?” Will Byers asks, confused, hopeful.

“Yeah, Eddie who died,” he says back, and wow that feels like a kick to the chest. He puts his hands back in his pockets and leans on one hip heavily. At least they still talk about him, topside.

“Why are you here?” Will asks. Eddie just shrugs in response.

“I don’t know, man. It’s your dream.”

There’s a noise off in the distance, a dark guttural growl and heavy footsteps – both Eddie and Will look to it, snapping to attention and not moving an inch. ((This is a dream.)) Eddie reminds himself, like he has to do every single time. But the Nazgûl and Vecna could probably penetrate dreams as well as minds, so who’s to say that the thing in the distance wouldn’t be able to hurt them, here.

Will’s back to a small child, the same face and wide eyes that had been on missing posters three years ago. And he’s looking up at Eddie, whispering so as not to be overheard by the monster in the forest. “Do you know somewhere safe to hide?”

It takes him a moment to consider it. In fact, Eddie almost retorts with the same line as before. It’s your dream, kid. But then again, Eddie did have more control of himself so maybe… maybe he did know a safe place. Max had hidden from Vecna in happy memories, right? Dreams were just a compilation of memories and imagination. Eddie knows how to weave a tale, so yeah – why not?

He nods, steps closer, and offers his hand to the kid.

“This way.”

The woods are dark and dense and kind of lovely in their own way. The two can hear the Nazgûl in the background, although Eddie really wants to ask what the kids called it instead, and as he walks through the woods he just… focuses on the areas of the forest he knew well. In particular, the place he set up shop almost every day of the week.

And like magic, it appears.

They step into a small clearing in the woods, and there’s the picnic table he had last sat at with Chrissy Cunningham. Making a fool of himself to get her to laugh so she wouldn’t look so scared of him. Now he knows she wasn’t really scared of him at all, but the hallucinations Vecna had plagued her with. He swallows thickly, not wanting to think about Chrissy now – not when his very thoughts are driving where they walk – and then they are rounding the bleachers of the high school football field. Crossing the parking lots, and ducking through the East Entrance doors. Will had changed again, he’s older now, maybe 12 or 13, and looking around in curiosity.

Interesting.

“Have you ever been here before?” Eddie asks, because he needs to know. If Will had never been to Hawkins High, then he wouldn’t be able to dream it at all. That would mean that Eddie could create things out of thin air in a head that wasn’t his own. Both a very cool and very scary thought.

“Only a few times for school stuff. The others knew it better than I did. When I was lost they had El do her mind-walking here, so she could search for me. They made a sensory deprivation tank in the gym.”

Mind-walking. Eddie is even more interested now, and he wants to pry every little bit of information out of mini-Byers head if he can. “That’s the girl with superpowers?”

“Yeah, she’s like my sister.”

“And she can walk through minds?”

“Kind of,” and woah the kid’s voice dropped. He was older now, and taller again – probably the actual age of Henderson and Wheeler and Sinclair. “She walks through dimensions, but she can also walk through memories.”

“What about dreams?”

He almost doesn’t ask, but he also doesn’t get an answer – because then they make it to his hideout.

Eddie opens the door to the Drama room, where (low and behold) the Vecna Lives! Campaign is still set up from the night of the basketball game. The night Chrissy died, and Eddie’s entire life with her. The stage lights are set low, he’d created the perfect ambiance, and the table is still full of the havoc of their campaign. Those little shits won by the skin of their teeth, all thanks to Erika Sinclair. He’d never expected that. But it had been such a wonderful, delightful surprise. It’s a good memory, and Eddie holds onto it, lets it warm his chest and ease a smile onto his face.

“Woah!” Will’s face is pure awe, and there’s a handsome little smile on his face as well as he looks over the entire board. “Is this… you did all this?”

“It’s the night before I became a fugitive. My last and greatest campaign,” Eddie laments, shutting and blocking the door (just in case the Nazgûl decides to take up tracking) and then circles round to his Dungeon Master throne. Flops down in it with his legs hanging over the arm, and relishes in the familiarity of it. It’s the throne the props people built for a few plays over the years, and Eddie had to beg the Drama teacher to let him keep it for Hellfire. It was perfect. Set the tone immediately. All the other players got little folding card chairs, but Eddie was in charge and this was his domain. The throne never let them forget it.

Will looks around the board with skilled eyes, taking in each part of the story, and then his gaze lands on Henderson’s seat, where the character sheets and books are still set up. He must recognize the name, or the handwriting, because suddenly he’s frowning. The seat next to Henderson is Wheeler, and the frown deepens.

“Those shitheads,” he mumbles. “I begged them for months to play D&D with me last year, and as soon as I’m gone they join a club for it with a kick ass DM.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment” Eddie tells him with a wave of his hand, like the royalty he’s trying to be. “But yes, that was rather shitty of them. They told me all the time about how you’d wreck the campaign. Your presence was missed, Will the Wise.”

And it was true. Henderson had often shouted to the D&D heavens when Eddie’s hidden monsters would destroy half their party and demand to know where ‘Will the Wise’ was when they needed him.

“So,” he draws out the question, wanting to get back to the mind-walking girl, but he can see there is something still bothering the little Byers. “Did Henderson take over the campaigns? Or did you fill my empty throne upon your return?”

The smile falls from his face like a cinder block, and Will sits down in Wheeler’s seat heavily, gaze still roaming the complex board on the table.

“No, there’s been no games since everything happened.” He sounds sad about it, but Eddie gets the feeling it doesn’t actually have to do with D&D at all.

“How come?”

“Well, it’s kind of a… sore spot,” Will admits, and then he glances guiltily at Eddie. Who doesn’t get it for a minute.

Oh.

Oh, crap.

It must show on his face that he knows it’s because of him. He was the ringleader of Hellfire, after all.

“Dustin doesn’t even really like talking about it,” Will confides in him. “But he doesn't really talk to anyone about anything, we don’t see him that often. Mostly just at mom’s family dinners when Steve drags him there.”

“I heard about those,” Eddie murmurs, picking at the flaking black polish on his nails to mask the guilt clawing at his chest. “Good ole Steve.”

“He’s trying so hard to take care of everyone, but I know he spends a lot of time with Dustin. And Max. I really should visit Max more,” he murmurs now, his gaze going further away, and Eddie isn’t sure if he’s waking up from his dream or if Eddie is actually losing him in all this maudlin talk.

“She’s in the hospital, yeah?”

“The doctors aren’t sure if she’ll wake up,” Will tells him. “She’s just… in a coma. El is worried she’s stuck somewhere between the realms, but everyone else is worried she’s just… gone.”

Okay, they needed a topic change.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Eddie says, nearly flipping out of the throne in a manner that might have been a little over the top, but it shook the sadness from Will’s eyes and that’s what Eddie was going for. Court Jester, extraordinaire. It worked on Chrissy, it’ll work on little Will Byers. (Although not so little anymore.)

“Sure?”

He fumbles upright, and sits down in Henderson’s chair so he can finally level with the kid.

“You were stuck in the Upside Down when you went missing, right?” He knows he’s right, Henderson had gone into great detail about how it all started, but that's not the point of asking the question. Will nods, confused but intrigued. Super. “Okay, so – how did you hide and like… stay sane? You were just a little munchkin and all but you were in there for days.”

“Time moves differently there,” Will points out, but then shrugs and thinks about it. Looking up at the stage lights in thought. “I hid in this old fort of mine in the forest, it was something I had built myself and it didn’t make me feel so alone.”

Castle Byers, Eddie had seen it. He nods and motions for Will to continue with an exaggerated hand flourish that makes the kid smile.

“So, here's my theory – after talking with El and some of the others about it, and about how Max hid from Vecna – I think maybe because it held such good and safe memories for me, it protected me like no other house could. I think that’s how I wasn’t caught again.”

Now that, that gives Eddie pause… because his safe spot right now was Harrington’s house. But he had never slept in Steve’s bed before in his life. (Dreamed about it? Of course, but Eddie had only ever stepped foot in his kitchen to do business during house parties. There was no connection to the property itself.) So why was it safe now? Was it Steve’s memory that made it so? A combination with the fact there were no vines inside? It was a lot to mull over, and Will was taking his silence as a go-ahead to continue on.

“Basically, if I had to give any advice,” Will draws out, trying to see what Eddie was angling for. Yes, advice would be greatly appreciated. “The Upside Down is a direct mirror of Hawkins, so go and find the bits of yourself that still exist out there. Things that make you feel more like yourself, and less like you’re living in hell. Clothes or pictures or books. Something that’s not dangerous to carry around, but reminds you of home.”

That makes a lot more sense than Eddie had expected it to.

He looks back to Will, and gives the kid a grin that is equal parts impressed and appreciative.

“Thanks, kid. I think I’ll just have to do that.”

Will beams at him, a little hero-worship shining in his eyes that Eddie has witnessed before from his little hellion sheep. But then a spark of something like recognition crosses those wide eyes and Will’s gaze narrows at him in suspicion.

“Wait, why would you want to know that?” he questions, and Eddie doesn’t answer. Stays kind of tight-lipped about it because… he could just tell mini-Byers that he’s alive in there and that he should get Good Ole Steve-O and Nancy Wheeler and superhero girl to come rescue his ass. But would he believe him? Or remember?

And he recalls how fast the Nazgûl attacked once he fucked with the lights. The gate was closed, opening it could open up a whole can of worms or whatever that no one was ready to deal with.

Maybe… maybe he should just sit tight, for now, and see if he can help them all out somehow?

((Where was all this self-righteous bullshit coming from?))

Analysis time would also be a problem for Future Eddie.

“Let’s just say, it’ll come in handy for me,” Eddie relents. A little hint. Knowing those shits they’ll figure it all out anyway.

Instead of elaborating, he extends his hand, and waits for Will to clasp it like all good boys had been taught to do.

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Will the Wise.”

He’s slow to smile again, but it’s a genuine thing and Eddie takes it for the little speck of Gold it is. “I’m glad I finally got to meet you, Eddie the Banished.”

And Eddie knows he has Henderson to thank for that nickname, but he would wear it proudly for the rest of his days if he ever manages to make it out topside again.

Although Byers might give Henderson a run for his money on ‘favorite child’, at this rate.

—

When the blood red morning dawn creeps in through Will Byer’s windows, and Eddie crawls out from underneath his bed, there’s a lot of thoughts tumbling around his head as he gathers his things.

In particular, the thought that trying to contact the other side might not be the best idea at the moment.

For his health? Yeah, possibly. He can’t actually live on moldy food the rest of his days, however short that may be, but he has to think of the bigger picture here. Everyone was having a rough time topside, in a completely different manner to Eddie’s own, but that old saying really rang true to him – shit was tough all over. They were all trying to heal, and knew there was a fight on the horizon. Eddie knew that eventually, everyone else would make it back to the Upside Down to finish this fight. He just had to live long enough to see that day.

So… why didn’t he just use his placement as an advantage?

Why doesn’t he do what he imagined himself doing, and really commit to the bit of espionage? Eddie could commit to the bit so hard he got himself in trouble most of the time. No use switching that up now.

So he gathers his things, tip-toes through the house, and runs right back into the woods. He has quite a few stops to make, but there’s one he needs to do first and foremost.

It takes the better part of the day, but he finally comes to the trailer park. The chasm splitting open the Earth glows and pulses with an intense heat, and there’s things prowling all around, but Eddie stays pressed to the backs of the trailers and dips and ducks around as best he can. Avoiding bats and rats and dogs and what might be a cat-like creature but he’s not entirely sure. Margaret’s trailer is much further down the road, where he’d biked when the bats chased him, so her bunker of Doomsday materials would have to wait.

Will said to find the things that reminded Eddie of himself, so that’s what he was going to do.

Uncle Wayne’s trailer is split in two, but Eddie’s room had been at the back end so it survived – to a degree. He crawls through the wreckage, picking through stuff that’s burnt and probably leaking radiation or some shit (seriously how has he not dropped dead at this rate?) and finally finds the tiny space that used to be his closet. It’s full of shirts and clothes he hasn’t seen in a couple years, but at the bottom is an old metal tool box that he’d stashed a bunch of sewing shit inside of. Patches. Bits of old band T-shirts, and sure enough – he lifts the lid, and finds the very origins of his battle vest. It’s still a jean jacket, at the moment, with sleeves covered in patches and safety pins – he ripped them off the summer between his second and third senior year – but on the back is the freshly hand-stitched Dio logo taking up the entire back panel. It’s gorgeous, and he immediately slips it on under Steve’s leather jacket. He’s lost enough weight the past few weeks it still fits, but he has a feeling he might be ripping off the sleeves sooner rather than later. Because he has some work to do, and some weapons to practice with.

But not before he goes and retrieves the final missing piece of himself.

His sweetheart is lying on the ground, covered in ash, some of the strings rusted. He whispers apologies to her as he picks her up out of the rubble. She’s a beautiful blood red Warlock NJ Series electric guitar that he spent two years saving up for, and as soon as he clips on a strap and slings her across his back, he feels more at peace than he had in a long time. Will the Wise had been right, he feels like he could take on the world with these bits of himself restored.

Harrington’s house was twenty miles away, and sundown was in only a few hours. He had errands to run, a distance to cross, and a realm of monsters in between them.

But he also now has a bike (discarded in a pile from Spring Break just waiting for him to pillage), and his guitar, and his battle jacket.

Fuck Vecna and his minions. This was Eddie’s world now.

Time to get to work.

—

tbc

—

Series Snippets:

- Dreamwalker (Eddie’s Story) (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5)

- Subconscious (Steve’s Story) (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)

#eventually ill decide when this is going to start being posted #i keep going back and forth on if it should be finished first #but if i do that then no cap its going to be like January #we'll see if i make it #wip Wednesday #Dreamwalker Subconscious series #steddie #god i hate that summary i really need to rewrite it #snippets no one asked for #like 3k of it and my god the fact checking and typos i have yet to do still #i prepped this Tuesday while in a depressive episode to cheery myself up #its a good ass snippet #cw character death mentioned #eddie uses profanity as adjectives and adverbs #pre steddie #eddie munson is a good egg and he'd be so sweet to will #katyswriting

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kakushino · 4 months

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Like a Rookie

Rengoku Shinjuro x GN! Reader

Officer Rengoku is a regular in the coffee shop you work at.

Tags: fluff, flirting, modern AU, young police officer Shinjuro (thus OOC) Word count: 0,7k

Masterlist

AN: Written as birthday piece for Rengoku Shinjuro. He doesn't have an official birthday date, but I have accepted @/shinjuro-rengoku-ask's HC (23rd January).

Rengoku Shinjuro had many dreams in his life. When young, he had wanted to impress his father - an impossible feat, more so given the fact he passed away when Shinjuro was in his teen years. Afterwards, he wanted to make his mother happy - he spent hours striving towards that ideal, to be the son she could be proud of. He wanted to support his brother in achieving his own dreams.

Sometimes, dreams were too grand a name for what he wanted. For example, now he wished to be rid of the newbie he was stuck with, but that was impossible, at least for the day, so he had to settle for wanting coffee. Call him unmanly but he enjoyed a good latte on any day.

“This has to be my favorite place to get coffee,” Shinjuro remarked to the newbie as they walked to the door. The queue was short and there wasn’t anyone sitting down; the duo would also take their coffees to-go, as they had to patrol the center just a few streets away. “It’s good and the service is…” he trailed off, catching sight of you as you served a tired student their coffee.

Another one of his wishes - for you to agree to a date with him.

“Senpai?”

Shinjuro cleared his throat, annoyed for getting interrupted in his routine admiration of your person. “As I was saying, coffee is good.” He didn’t elaborate.

The line moved up, the newbie commenting on the muffin selection as Shinjuro tried to discreetly wipe his palms. It wouldn’t do to appear like an untried rookie when he talked to you.

“Good morning, sir. What can I get for you today?”

The way you called him sir did things to him - which he swiftly buried in the far corners of his mind as he ordered his usual latte, thoughts and senses filled with coffee.

“Sugar?”

Shinjuro gave you an alluring smile and replied, “No, thank you. Your sweetness is all I need.” Your lips spread into a shy smile, eyes darting behind him as the last customer before them left before focusing on the police officer again. Officer Rengoku was sun incarnated - hot with blazing eyes to match his visage. He started flirting with you a few weeks ago, but you couldn’t reciprocate, as there were always other people around. Perhaps today would present an opportunity?

You went about making Shinjuro’s latte and his colleague’s americano; you really hoped he would drop by later as well, seeing him in his uniform was… exquisite.

The americano done faster, his colleague walked outside to wait for Shinjuro while you focused on making a little something with his foam. You had been trying out different animals recently and you felt like you could nail what you had in mind today.

Sure enough, it came out perfectly. You presented the paper cup with a proud smile and offered a cap for it, which he took but didn’t put on.

“Your latte art is always beautiful,” he said as he studied the swan you made for him. “Elegant and charming, just like you.”

Blood rushed to your cheeks at the compliment, and you tried to hide how flustered the comment made you; the way you clenched your apron with your hands gave you away though.

Shinjuro gave you a smug smile, sipping his latte and licking his lips enticingly. Tsk.

Mischief previously concealed buzzed underneath your skin, and a flirtatious remark made its way past your lips without your mind being able to stop it. “If you were a coffee,” you leaned in slowly, your hands laying on the counter, your eyes becoming hooded, as if you were under the influence of his charm, and he leaned in too, as if you were to tell him a great secret, “you would be a triple shot of espresso, because you're strong, bold and you make my heart race.”

Bright red blush spread across his cheeks and Shinjuro blinked a few times, surprise painting over the usual smile he bore. It was delightful. You grinned fiendishly. Oh how the tables have turned.

With a hasty thank you and an even deeper flush, he nearly ran out, like an untried rookie.

You were bad for his heart.

…he had to return in the afternoon and ask you out properly.

dividers by @benkeibear network: @enchantedforest-network

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #rengoku shinjuro #shinjuro x reader #rengoku shinjuro x reader #shinjuro x y/n #shinjuro x you #kny x reader #kny x y/n #kny x you #kny fanfic #demon slayer fanfic #kimetsu no yaiba fanfic #rengoku x reader #rengoku x you #rengoku x y/n

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celerydays · 10 months

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could you walk us through what notebooks & journals & pens /etc you use - they look so good!

I would be SO happy to, you have no idea!!

Alright, let's fucking GOOOO~

Starting off with my current "workhorse" pens - I have like *checks notes* 36 fountain pens and a bit too many inked up atm, but these are just the ones I'm currently reaching for or have inked up more often than not:

TWSBI Go (F): Kinda ugly! But also kinda cute! It's cheap and works great (I friggin love TWSBI pens tbh) and it has a little hole on the cap where you can attach a lanyard or charms, like I did! Makes it cuter imo and it's kind of my emotional support pen these days.

Opus88 Pocket (EF): This 2022 edition has a little Moon tarot design on the cap so it's pretty much the pen I use exclusively for my witchy/tarot practice journals! A lil bummed the cap doesn't post, especially since its a shorter pocket-sized pen, but not a deal breaker and I still love it.

Pilot Custom 823 (F): My grail pen that I've literally coveted for years and just recently acquired at the DC Pen Show this weekend! It's only been a day but I think it could potentially become my favorite pen. Ever.

Pilot Prera (CM): This is my third Prera lol. I just think they're great and really underrated pens! Also a recent acquisition from the DC Pen Show and this cursive M nib is suuuuper fun to write with.

Pilot Vanishing Point (EF): My favorite pen for planning! Super fine-tipped for writing task lists and schedules and love that it's so convenient/quick-draw with the click mechanism.

(I'm totally a Pilot pen ho, can you tell? asdjflaglsg)

Journals/Planners/Notebooks under cut–

Sterling Ink B6 Common Planner: For a good chunk of this year, I was in this planner because I honestly love the size and all the layouts. Super practical and flexible as a system. 10/10 would go back. I've used it to plan, as a reading journal, as a tarot log...

But I get the itch to move around so it's been sitting a little unused since like June, oop.

Leuchtturm A6: I started craving something tiny and minimal so I've been bullet journaling in this pocket notebook for the last month or two and I'm really enjoying it!

Standard-sized Tomoe River Paper notebook: This is pretty consistent in that I don't change up the system itself, but I'm in and out of it for memory keeping/scrapbook journaling! It's almost always a Tomoe River paper notebook of SOME kind that I usually buy in A5 size to go to FedEx and get it cut down to standard. Though I'm thinking of getting a blank Midori MD A5 to have cut down next time - I've been liking the freedom of blank pages for journaling instead of anything lined or gridded.

I really need to catch up with it tbh, but I love sitting in an explosion of printed photos, stickers, and washi and going ham with the pages.

(I do have a flip through of my January-March 2022 pages on YouTube)

Midori MD Cotton B6 Slim: I also have this sketchbook that sorta turned into a visual sketch diary of sorts. I fell off a while ago but want to get back into it because it's super fun to work in and to look back on!

Wide-sized Cosmo Air Light notebook & A5 Filofax Malden: These are my tarot/witchy journals. Grimoires I guess? One is for journaling and all my messier notes while the other is more for reference and ease of organization.

A5 Leuchtturm: I didn't know if I should include this guy, but I've been writing it in a lot recently so I guess I will lol. This is like truuuly a miscellaneous™ notebook.

I got this A5 notebook back in 2017 to use as my very first bullet journal, then found out that this size is personally waaaay too big for me to use as a bullet journal so I hopped off of it pretty quick. It now sits on my desk because since it's mostly blank I'll just pick it up to use it to write literally A N Y T H I N G.

Most recently, I wrote like 5 pages in one night on notes for a fanfiction piece I was working on (I'm not a writer, this fic is never gonna see the light of day by anyone but me lololol. Hyperfixation is so wild; I've put 80k+ words within just 10 days into it so far and it's been hella therapeutic.)

That's all, I think!?

It's funny because I actually have a NEW notebook arriving tomorrow that I'm going to try out as a bujo/commonplace/omni journal of sorts?? I might write an update post after I've set that up and see how I like it <3

#journal #journaling #bullet journal #memory keeping #notebooks #fountain pen #grimoire #sketchbook #commonplace book #tarot journal #cel journals #anon #ask #celerydays

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beautifulpersonpeach · 4 months

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I won't pretend to totally understand what's going on with sm (other than that they seem to have shat the bed), but in terms of how hybe had tried to buy them earlier and how it's often accused of trying to be a monopoly, do you think there's a point where hybe could get too big in a way that's detrimental to the rest of the industry? Ik they're not literally a monopoly and that there are much smaller companies than hybe, sm, yg, and jyp (hybe is also small compared to the rest of the music industry) but do you think there's any truth in the anger at how big of a chunk of the kpop industry hybe controls or is it just jealousy at them outgrowing the original big 3?

***

I feel like you answer your own question within your ask… because if we think about it: as of January 26, 2024, HYBE’s market cap is ~55% more than the rest of the Big 4 combined. HYBE is itself a hub of ‘mid-sized k-pop companies’, one of which is BigHit, which drives roughly half of their topline. Meaning, the primary driver behind HYBE outperforming and dwarfing the better capitalized and more prestigious competition, is BTS.

It’s simply a fact that HYBE is the biggest company and BTS is the reason why. Like, it’s so obvious there’s no tactful way to highlight it. And it’s a fact it pisses off a lot of people here.

If you ever get into a conversation with a typical k-pop stan, before long, unprompted, they will tell you HYBE has no really, talented idols and that whatever prestige or talent the company has in vocals or dance, was technically bought by acquiring Pledis. It’s not particularly a big deal, just something funny I first noticed in k-pop discourse about 2 years ago, once the idea of HYBE, and Seventeen as a HYBE group, started settling in with k-pop stans.

The average k-pop stan doesn’t really know how to think about HYBE in general, because HYBE is structured nothing like the rest of the Big 4, from its ethos down to its operating mechanics, and so the points of reference k-pop stans have in the Big 3, don’t always apply to HYBE, in my opinion.

Anyway, yeah there’s this weird resentment that often manifests in the misplaced superiority complex you see in some stans of Big 3 groups. In a sense, I don’t blame them. It’s the nature of this industry for there to be a hierarchy. It’s sport after all. But like I’ve said, the politics this space creates is highly toxic, the tribalism is entrenched and the primary thing k-pop stans do in fandom is stoke unending feuds, and shit talk other groups and idols. Some groups are acceptable targets for everyone to dunk on. BTS from debut was designated as one such group, but from the jump it was clear they weren’t going to settle for anything less than the top spot. BTS wasn’t supposed to be the group, to breakout. They didn’t have k-pop approved vocals cred, they didn’t have the typical idol visuals, their rapline never went on Show Me The Money, so how could they be legit?

BTS was a group that did things their own way from the start and that by default pissed off a lot of people. Most of those people are still here. And because people are predictable, some of that latent dislike of BTS bleeds into everything connected with BTS and so, HYBE.

And, not to keep wacking this horse corpse, but I want to point out yet one more obvious thing.

When people talk about Big 3 privilege, something they’re talking about is the latent buy-in those three companies: SM, JYP, and YG will always enjoy in this space. Groups from those companies will always enjoy support from a sizeable army of company stans. SM entertainment has the most, followed by YG, then JYP. This is why Big 3 stans are the people who set the temperature for what dominates the chatter in k-pop. K-pop stans will always tune in to groups and releases from Big 3 companies and are generally pre-disposed to always giving their stuff a chance on the assumption their idols are more talented.

The size of those company stans dwarf the stans of smaller companies like Cube, KQ, Pledis, and until some years ago, BigHit Entertainment. Except for BTS and ARMYs, none of these companies have company stans big enough to rival Big 3 fandoms, and so the cache of these companies are seen as inferior to Big 3 agencies. And as HYBE is simply a collection of mid-sized companies (who on their own couldn’t stand a chance compared to the Big3), examples include: Pledis, Source Music, KOZ, Be:LIFT, ADOR, then the groups from HYBE are implicitly seen as less talented than their Big3 peers. Plus they get the additional ddaeng for being linked to BTS, specifically.

All of that felt very silly to type out but it’s what I’ve observed. Watching the logical conclusions of this political dynamic in k-pop fandoms play out in real time during the SM-HYBE-Kakao drama (1st season) was super fascinating lol. It confirmed practically everything I think about k-pop stans and BTS.

#bts #Hybe #bang pd #kpop industry #BigHit #kpop fandom #bts army #bts fandom #fandom behaviour #sm entertainment #kpop

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dreaminginthedeepsouth · 20 days

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Trump's campaign speeches on Wednesday

Trump was not in trial on Wednesday, so he made two campaign appearances. He said many things that were incomprehensible, alarming, and ridiculous. Rather than detail everything, let’s focus on one of the most ridiculous statements: He said he would repeal the Inflation Reduction Act. Doing so would

increase the deficit,

eliminate the $35 per month cap on insulin,

deny access to the Affordable Care Act to millions of Americans,

increase the cap for prescription medications under Medicare D from $2,000 per year to $3,500 per year,

eliminate billions in investments in states and local communities for clean energy projects, and

imperil 150,000+ jobs.

Trump is intent on destroying the accomplishments of the Inflation Reduction Act because it authorized money for the IRS to replace staff that will retire or quit over the next decade. With Trump, it’s always about evading or reducing taxes (and Putin).

[Robert B. Hubbell Newsletter]

In his rally in Waukesha, WI, Trump explains the decline and fall of Europe and the rise of Russia—because England and France allowed dark-skinned people to swarm London and Paris, whereas Russia is keeping its Central Asian guest workers in place as serfs and sends them to the meat grinder in Ukraine. It's pure racism. And the MAGA crowd loves it. "Look at Paris. Look at London. They're no longer recognizable. I'm going to get myself into a lot of trouble, but you know what? That's the fact, they are no longer recognizable. We can't let that happen here."

[Robert Scott Horton]

In describing his fever dream of autocratic powers, Trump said he would take (or allow) the following actions:

Allow states to monitor the pregnancies of women to ensure they comply with abortion bans (a grotesque violation of liberty, privacy, and dignity).

Fire US attorneys who refuse to prosecute defendants targeted by Trump (a violation of US norms dating to the creation of the Department of Justice).

Initiate mass deportations of alleged illegal immigrants using the US military and local law enforcement (neither of which are authorized to enforce US immigration law).

Pardon insurrectionists who attacked the Capitol on January 6.

Prosecute President Biden (for unspecified and non-existent crimes).

Deploy the National Guard to cities and states across America—likely those with predominately Democratic populations (presumably under the Insurrection Act, a deployment would violate the terms of the Act and implementing regulations).

Withhold funds from states in the exercise of his personal discretion (a violation of the Impoundment Control Act of 1974).

Abandon NATO and South Asian allies if he feels the countries are not paying enough for their own defense.

Shutter the White House pandemic-preparedness office.

Fire tens (hundreds?) of thousands of civil servants and replace them with Trump acolytes with dubious qualifications (other than loyalty to Trump).

Most readers of this newsletter understand the seriousness of Trump's threats and are working tirelessly to prevent a second Trump term. But tens of millions of Americans seem oblivious or apathetic in the face of an imminent and dire threat.

If elected, will Trump succeed in achieving any of his stated goals? No—not if Democrats continue their resistance in the courts, in Congress, in state legislatures, and in the hearts and minds of most Americans.

However, whether Trump succeeds in achieving his stated objectives is beside the point. He will attempt to do so—and his attempts will tear at the fabric of democracy and destroy legal norms that have served as the bedrock of our republic since its founding.

To be clear, I am not attempting to frighten readers of this newsletter. To the contrary, I believe that we can and will defeat Trump—or outlast him, whatever it takes. But the interview confirms that we are not frantic alarmists exaggerating the threat posed by Trump.

No, far from it.

When we challenge the milquetoast, both-siderism reporting of the media or the normalization of Trump by spineless politicians, we are not overreacting. We are sounding the alarm in a responsible, necessary way. For reasons that defy comprehension, our warnings have been unheeded—often dismissed, minimized, or patronized.

We must redouble our efforts. Commit the above list to memory. Copy the URL so you can forward this newsletter or the Time Magazine article to friends, colleagues, and complete strangers who doubt that Trump is a danger to democracy. Pick two or three issues and be prepared to discuss them when the moment arises. We have been warned—and we must act accordingly.

[Robert B. Hubbell Newsletter]

#Robert B. Hubbell #Robert B. Hubbell newsletter #election 2024 #TFG #In his own words #Time Magazine #fascism #democracy #rule of law #police state

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samsimisauser · 5 months

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I am incredibly exited to announce that this year i will be taking part the @mlbigbang

For this Event i have been partnered with the absolutely amazing @asti-doodles (you will get a sneak peek of the art down below the story fragment)

The first chapter will drop on January 5th (that means you'll get to read mine and @mysticraven20s Story on the same day!)

Now to the story: The summary :

Crown-Prince Adrien has just escaped from the more than Six years of confinement he was forced into after his mothers death. And He's really not too keen on his father sitting on his throne, ruling over his people (and doing quite the bad Job). So instead of having a calm few weeks with his aunt, as was the original plan he escapes to the nearest Town and makes contract with the revolutionary cell there. Soon he is brought before their leader, a fierce woman known only as "the Lady". Needless to say he's smitten. Luckily everyone here wants the same thing! Right? Except she keeps going on about this thing called democracy…

Well that`s one way to look at the situation i wonder what the Lady(bug) thinks...?

President ex nihilo Ladybug really only wants one thing, for her people to be free and not starving. Her People of course being everyone without a title. Unfortunately for everyone the government strongly disagrees with her "freedom and not starving" plan and brands her a traitor. Luckily she managed to gather a few like-minded people. And a few not so like-minded People, but at least they all agree on one thing. The king must go. Then the prince shows up on her door. Somewhat surprisingly he also wants to get rid of the king. There`s just one slight problem, she cant get him out of her head.

Now for a sneak peek of chapter one of Sic Semper Regis:

"So you are the -" Adrien tries to project as much authority and confidence as he can. He does not even manage to finish a sentence.

The rapier (presumably what was used to cut his blindfold earlier) is shoved in his face. A moment later she changes her mind, re-sheathing her rapier, and instead points a gun at him. He is far too close, not to mention the Lady's arm is absolutely steady. Adrien sinks down in the chair, it is less of an attempt to avoid what's about to happen and More of an expression of exhaustion and disappointment in himself. One thing is for certain:

He is going to die. Coming here was a mistake.

The Revolutionaries are not his allies, they are a bunch of mindless thugs. Instead of stupidly coming here on his own, he should have just convinced his aunt to move against his father when he had the chance. He made a miscalculation and now he's going to pay the price.

He gathers his last shreds of bravery. He raises his head and looks - for the first and quite possibly the last time at his captor.

She (because it must be her) is dressed in simple clothing, certainly not what he would expect from someone calling themselves "the Lady". A simple pair of dark blue pants, a white shirt underneath a dark west. On top of her dark, somehow almost blueish hair, sits a simple cap, it is black. The only thing differentiating her cap from an ordinary one is the single red feather on its left side. The revolutionaries end all of their pamphlets with the same sketch of a feather.

Desperately he tries to bring his mind back on track, what track? What reason? he is going to die here, his thoughts are spiraling so needs to change… something. He tries to make out her facial features but fails to do so, not because of the light in his cell (his soon to be grave) but because his eyes simply slide off of her.

She's beautiful, his heart sings, stupidly. Well at least I'm going to die with a beautiful woman at my side, he thinks more than a little hysterically. A broken little noise makes its way past his lips. He manages to look into her eyes. They are Blue, so very very blue.

#miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #ladrien #ml fanworks #mlbigbang #preview 2023 #ssr #ml au #ladybug #my fics

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maya-chirps · 5 months

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Simbang Gabi: The 9 Days Before Christmas

An image of a red parol from Peakpx.com

The Philippines is well-known for its extremely long Christmas celebration that a lot of foreigners often look at with confusion. Traditionally, Filipinos may start putting up their trees, playing festive songs, and counting down to the 25th as early as September in a season that's colloquially called the "ber months" or the "ber months season" (Petrelli, 2021). This period often lasts up until January or February where some houses may still keep their trees and decor pushing as far as March.

Even with this technicality, however, you'd be hard-pressed to find Filipinos truly celebrating from the very beginning of September genuinely ending it by the end of February. Most often, actual celebrations start after Undas, a period encompassing All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day on the 1st and 2nd of November respectively to commemorate the dead, similar but a lot more subtle than other Catholic countries own Day of the Dead like in Mexico's Dia de Los Muertos and Italy's Giorno dei Morti. This time period is often the start of people doing more Christmas-y things such as Kris Kringle activities leading up to the main Christmas party.

The main markers of the true start in itself is the Advent season, which starts on the Sunday nearest to the 30th in Western Churches like Roman Catholicism and leads up to Christmas ("Advent", n.d.). This is where Catholics would go to Church every Sunday leading up to Christmas to light the Advent Wreath until the final candle on its center on Christmas day on the 25th. As the Philippines is heavily influenced by Roman Catholicism, Filipinos follow the Western start of Advent and most celebrations often fall in the middle of this time period. Even the middle of Advent, however, Filipinos have a waiting period to count down before Christmas - Simbang Gabi.

What is Simbang Gabi?

Simbang Gabi (en. night mass; going to mass at night) is a Philippine Christmas tradition wherein Roman Catholic Filipinos would attend mass nine days every single morning or night before the actual Christmas celebration. Traditionally, the masses were held every morning at 4:00 AM from the 16th to the 24th which would then be capped off by Christmas Eve Mass at night or Christmas Mass on the 25th with its early schedule earning it the name Misa de Gallo (en. mass of the rooster) (Lazaro, 2020). In most dioceses, however, they often have an anticipated mass schedule that start a night earlier than the morning masses (Hermoso, 2022).

Besides being called Misa de Gallo, I had also heard the celebration being called Misa de Aguinaldo (en. mass of gifts) in some places. This shares the same name as the similar Puerto Rican tradition Misa de Aguinaldo which is also a nine-day mass held in the morning, typically at 5:00 AM which is also deeply-rooted in Puerto Rican Christmas traditions (Álvarez, 2018).

History

A vintage greeting card posted by the Facebook group Vintage Philippine Islands 1920-1959 (2020)

Being a Christmas tradition, it is not surprising that Simbang Gabi could trace itself back to the Spanish colonial period.

A common misconception of its origins states that the practice first started in Mexico. Hermoso (2018) states that it started on the year 1587 by Friar Diego de Soria of the Convent of San Agustin Acolman when he requested the Vatican to allow church service to be held outdoors because of an overflow of attendees during the Christmas time. Pope Sixtus V later approved of this request and even decreed that these kinds of masses be held in the Philippines at the dawn of the 16th of December. What this doesn't account for was that the practice of going to church for the Eve of Christmas dates back to even earlier than the 16th century.

The cover for an English translation and compilation of Etheria's writings by M.L. McClure and C.L. Feltoe, D.D. (1919)

The first recorded instance of Christians celebrating Christmas by going to early mass leading up to the actual date was first written by Egeria (also called Egeriae, Etheria, or Aetheria), a Christian Galician woman who first recorded it during her travels to the Levant where she notes the early morning masses and festivities from the time of the Epiphany to the Nativity. She writes in her letters later called the Itinerarium Egeriae (en. The Travel Guide of Egeria; The Pilgrimage of Etheria).

"Octave of the Festival. On the second day also they proceed in like manner to the church in Golgotha, and also on the third day; thus the feast is celebrated with all this joyfulness for three days up to the sixth hour in the church built by Constantine (...) And in Bethlehem also throughout the entire eight days the feast is celebrated with similar festal array and joyfulness daily by the priests and by all the clergy there, and by the monks who are appointed in that place (...) and immense crowds, not of monks only, but also of the laity, both men and women, flock together to Jerusalem from every quarter for the solemn and joyous observance of that day." - Egeria, 381-384; The Pilgrimage of Etheria (trans. McClure & Feltoe, 1919):

The practice of attending early morning masses up until the main festivities of the Nativity was later adopted by more Western Christian communties during the time of Pope Sixtus III when he celebrated what is widely considered the first Midnight Mass at the Basilica of St. Mary Major in Rome, not only stemming from the popularity of the Christians from Jerusalem but also the popular belief that Jesus was born at midnight (The Pillar, 2021).

The prayer spoken within the midnight vigil was then called the "mox ut gallus cantaverit" which translates to "when the rooster crows", aptly named because of the early hours the vigil tended to last which then coincided with the crowing of roosters ("Misa del Gallo: origen, historia y por qué se celebra en la madrugada del 25 de diciembre", 2022). The practice was continued by the Spanish with the name Misa de Gallo (also called Misa de Aguinaldo)which later spread throughout the Spanish Empire and could now be seen practiced in countries like Bolivia, Puerto Rico, Venezuela, and of course the Philippines.

There seem to be two variations of this: the nine-day series of masses before Christmas (found in the Philippines, Puerto Rico, and Venezuela) and the single early morning mass before Christmas day (found in Spain and Bolivia). It isn't clear if Spain and Bolivia simply dropped the nine-day tradition or if the nine-day tradition was restarted in these other colonies, however.

In the Present Day

An image of crowds outside a church during Simbang Gabi uploaded to Wikimedia by Erwin Malicdem

Today, the Simbang Gabi continues to be a popular tradtion for most Filipino Roman Catholics, even those who aren't typically as religious most parts of the year. This is given the fact that a popular belief is that when a person completes all of the nine days, they may receive a wish to whatever they desire. This is such a common belief that Bishop Broderick Pabillo, a Manila auxiliary bishop, had to remind people that the point of the tradition is to remember Jesus and his nativity (Punay, 2016). Besides this, it is also a common challenge among Filipinos to try to complete it as is or see how many days out of the nine could they actually attend.

It is not uncommon for churches these days to hold an "anticipated" mass the night before the actual date starting instead on the 15th and ending on the 24th with a Christmas mass, instead of starting on the 16th and ending on the 25th. This newer tradition had come from the reign of Filipino dictator President Ferdinand Marcos Sr. during the Martial Law years in the 70s, when Filipinos were not allowed to go out after a curfew until 4 in the morning (Macairan, 2023). This allowed more people and especially those who may not be able to start their day early or those who may have other obligations in the morning to attend masses at night time, typically at around 6 PM - 8 PM.

The only large controversy that I could remember about Simbang Gabi was back in 2011 when the event was banned from being conducted within the Philippine Center in New York City. The ban came about because of it supposedly violated Canon Law which prohibits religious worship in unconsecrated ground or in other words places that aren't seen as places of worship. In an article by Adarlo & Pastor (2014), Rev. Dr. Joseph G. Marabe, the at-the-time head of the Chapel of San Lorenzo Ruiz and a priest-in-residence at St. Patrick's Cathedral where the ban took place, explains in an interview with news site The FilAm:

"It’s not allowed by law to have Holy Mass in an unconsecrated place. Worship should take place in a sacred place. That was an explanation but not a decision. The Archdiocese decides." - Rev. Dr. Joseph G. Marabe, head of the Chapel of San Lorenzo Ruiz in Chinatown, New York (2011)

The ban was later lifted on 2014 after community leader Loida Nicolas Lewis wrote a letter to the diocese to reconsider the ban which led to the return of the almost 30-year-old tradition that year (Balitang America, ABS-CBN North America Bureau, 2014).

Besides being a huge part of current traditions, a lot of Filipinos, and especially Filipino youth, use the event as an excuse to go out during the night to hang out with friends and even go on dates with their partners. It is not an uncommon sight to see a group of teenagers, often wearing maybe less than typical church clothes, by the edge of the Church seemingly attending mass. Whether or not they're actually being attentive is hard to decipher. Either way, this has led to an explosion of memes almost every year just mocking these kinds of people or making fun of their own.

A screenshot of the "Simbang gabi starter pack" posted by user rhapido on 9Gag.com (2022)

Earlier versions of this meme could be seen posted throughout Filipino social media during the early 2010s

A meme posted by the Facebook page FEU Memes (2012)

The barkada (en. friend group) going to Simbang Gabi had been an older tradition that has found a lot more popularity in the contemporary era because of social media. My mother had told me that she used to use it as an excuse herself back in the 80s to hang out with her friends at night time. This may be a continued past time for especially younger people for years to come.

There's also many street foods associated with Simbang Gabi that may not be unique to the event itself but are nevertheless heavily associated with the event due to their widespread sale during this time period. Foods like bibingka, puto bumbong, kutsinta, and other popular rice cakes dominate the scene which definitely satisfy the hungry parishioners who had, most likely, not eaten breakfast or dinner before going to church. With their strong associations with Simbang Gabii and Filipino Christmas as a whole, I might discuss these on a later date.

Simbang Gabi, from my experience

Growing up and living in the Philippines and especially being raised Catholic within a Catholic town named after a Catholic saint and going to a Catholic school named after another Catholic saint, it probably won't shock you that I, myself, had tried to complete the nine days of Simbang Gabi myself. I had attempted it several times with only maybe trying seriously by myself once in my life. It was quite the experience to just try to dedicate yourself into completing a goal to do something for nine consecutive days straight.

My first attempt was when I was in Junior High and it was with my sister and two people who worked for my parents and had helped watch over us. It was something that I always wanted to try doing and especially since I was gaining a lot more independence at the time so what better to try it out without the rest of the family? With adult supervision, of course.

Since we lived quite away from the actual church, the place was already packed even an hour before the actual mass started. There was barely any seats left and even less standing room leading to a huge overflow of people stuck outdoors, only hearing mass from the outdated speaker system that they had erected in place of the old bell tower.

The mass in our church was often done in the dark during the night out of an deliberate and probably aesthetic choice with only the alter being illuminated by the lights. The rest was lit up by the scattered about Christmas decor throughout the church and the church patio. It always felt like going to some liminal space that other nights at church just doesn't give.

Once the mass has been concluded, people rush out of the doors in thick crowds to find their way into the footpaths leading on to the main town streets. Some opt to stay behind to enjoy the food stalls that had pop-up for the night to eat bibingka, puto, sapin-sapin, and palitaw among other things. Some of the teens had decided to raid the nearby small park and playground as a hang-out spot to talk the night away before they rush home for their curfews. Meanwhile others were just rushing to get home as soon as they can, with people lining up to go to the rudimentary parking space that the church created while the others who didn't own their own vehicles forced to compete for the very few commuter vehicles still riding through the night, hunting for passengers.

This was before we had our own car, so we were with the latter crowds of people, trying to peer through the dark streets only illuminated by the scant Christmas lights that still refused to turn off as the night progressed. Every so often, two headlights excite the crowd and a swarm of them start running in anticipation with not care or tact if they would crush children or separate families all to take a seat on the night jeepneys, some the few commutes left after 9.

My sister was an expert in finding her way through it, reaching out to the doors to form a barricade for herself and the rest of us to prevent others from taking our seats before letting herself in. I still think I would've been left behind if it weren't for her doing that out of sheer competitiveness with the crowds.

We settled into our seats and squeezed in tightly to allow other passengers in so we could all go home as soon as we can. It was a tight but otherwise uneventful commute every night with nothing but tired people waiting for their stops and slowly emptying the once packed vehicle. Since we live in the outskirts of the town, we were often the last few and at times, the drivers would transfer us to other jeeps just so they can go home themselves. This had sometimes instead left us to walk the remainder of the way there through unpaved highway sidewalks.

After a few nights of it, I became more and more reluctant to continue because of the frenzy that it had almost every single night and it was extremely inconvenient for my time and the time of those with me. I didn't complete it then and I hadn't seriously tried until 9th Grade, which honestly was more uneventful.

That attempt was mostly my siblings and I staying in Makati City and Taguig City and going to easily traveled to churches that we could walk to by foot, and high-end malls that have annual Simbang Gabi masses for their shoppers, facilitated by the local diocese and the local fancy church. I was able to complete those easily because I was often dragged either by my siblings or my grandmother who used to never miss a day of church when she was still more active.

It was less about the challenge at that point and more of an obligation which isn't a bad thing and honestly is probably closer to how it should be celebrated.

I hadn't gone to Simbang Gabi since 2019 and I don't have any plans to try this year either. Not really because I don't want to necessarily, but specifically because I physically can't. I still think its pretty fun to do and honestly maybe a good excuse to meet with my friends that I haven't seen in a while. Sadly, I just simply cannot do it now nor in the near future.

Maybe one day I could once again go out at those cold December night to meet my friends and maybe eat some bibingka on my way home but I guess I'll just leave every one else to it.

Sources

Introduction

Advent. (n.d.). In Britannica. Retrieved on 13 December 2023, from https://www.britannica.com/topic/Advent

In The Philippines Christmas Eve Includes A Late Night Street Food Feast, Filipino Christmas, HD wallpaper [image]. (n.d.). Peakpx. Retrieved on 15 December 2023, from https://www.peakpx.com/en/hd-wallpaper-desktop-wxdle

Petrelli, M. (2021, December 20). The country that celebrates Christmas for more than 4 months a year. CNBC. Retrieved on 13 December 2023, from https://www.cnbc.com/2021/12/21/philippines-the-longest-christmas-celebrations-in-the-world-.html

What is Simbang Gabi?

Álvarez, F. (2018, November 22). Una tradición matutina la Misa de Aguinaldo. Primera Hora. Retrieved on 13 December 2023, from https://www.primerahora.com/noticias/puerto-rico/notas/una-tradicion-matutina-la-misa-de-aguinaldo/

Hermoso, C. (2022, December 15). 9-day ‘Simbang Gabi’ begins on Dec. 16; anticipated masses to begin tonight. Manila Bulletin. Retrieved on 13 December 2023, from https://mb.com.ph/2022/12/15/9-day-simbang-gabi-begins-on-dec-16-anticipated-masses-to-begin-tonight/

Lazaro, J. (2020, December 11). The Christmas tradition of Simbang Gabi: After five centuries, this Filipino Christmas tradition lives on. U.S. Catholic. Retrieved on 13 December 2023, from https://uscatholic.org/articles/202012/the-christmas-tradition-of-simbang-gabi/

History

Hermoso, C. (2018, December 15). ‘Simbang Gabi’ a manifestation of the Filipinos’ strong faith in God, says bishop. Manila Bulletin. Retrieved on 13 December 2023, from https://mb.com.ph/2018/12/15/simbang-gabi-a-manifestation-of-the-filipinos-strong-faith-in-god-says-bishop/

Etheria (1919). The Pilgrimage of Etheria (McClure, M., & Feltoe, C. Ed. & Trans.). Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge. Retrieved on 13 December 2023, from https://www.ccel.org/m/mcclure/etheria/etheria.htm (Original work published 384 C.E.)

McClure, M., & Feltoe, C. (1919). [An image of the book cover of "The Pilgrimage of Etheria"]. Retrieved on 15 December 2023, from https://www.ccel.org/m/mcclure/etheria/etheria.htm

The Pillar. (2021, December 21). What time is Midnight Mass?. The Pillar. Retrieved on 15 December 2023, from https://www.pillarcatholic.com/p/what-time-is-midnight-mass

Misa del Gallo: origen, historia y por qué se celebra en la madrugada del 25 de diciembre. (2022, December 24). Marca. Retrieved on 15 December 2023, from https://www.marca.com/tiramillas/actualidad/2022/12/24/63a6c106268e3e7c468b45e8.html

Vintage Philippine Islands 1920-1959. (2020, December 25). A Vintage Greeting Card showing Philippine Christmas… Maligayang Pasko from Vintage Philippine Islands 1920-1959 [image]. Facebook. Retrieved 15 December 2023, from https://www.facebook.com/510513375695362/photos/a.1701322009947820/3595821097164559/?type=3

In the Present Day

Adarlo, S., & Pastor, C. (2014, November 3). Fr. Joseph Marabe breaks silence over Simbang Gabi ban (Part 2). The FilAm: A Magazine for Filipino Americans in New York. Retrieved on 15 December 2023, from https://thefilam.net/archives/16127

Balitang America, ABS-CBN North America Bureau. (2014, September 19). Simbang Gabi returns to NYC after a brief ban. ABS-CBN News. Retrieved on 15 December 2023 from https://news.abs-cbn.com/global-filipino/09/19/14/simbang-gabi-returns-nyc-after-brief-ban

FEU Memes. (2012, December 15). eto yung mga madalas ko makita sa gilid ng simbahan e [image]. Retrieved on 15 December 2023 from https://www.facebook.com/PIYUMEMES/photos/a.210778985704527/317211885061236/?type=3

Macaira, E. (2023, December 15). Simbang Gabi: It’s the mass, not the time. Philippine Star. Retrieved on 15 December 2023, from https://www.philstar.com/headlines/2023/12/15/2318980/simbang-gabi-its-mass-not-time

Malicdem, E. (n.d.) The Bamboo Organ Church or the St. Joseph Parish Church of Las Piñas City in the Philippines during "Simbang Gabi" or Night Mass on Christmas eve. Photo was part of Schadow1 Expeditions coverage of Las Piñas during Christmas season. [image]. Retrieved on 15 December 2023 from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simbang_Gabi#/media/File:Las_Pinas_Church_during_Simbang_Gabi.jpg

Punay, E. (2016, December 19). ‘Simbang Gabi’ won’t grant wishes – Bishop. Philippine Star Global. Retrieved on 15 December 2023, from https://www.philstar.com/headlines/2016/12/19/1654920/simbang-gabi-wont-grant-wishes-bishop

rhapido. (2022, November 30). Simbang gabi starter pack [Screenshot]. 9Gag. Retrieved 15 December 2023, from https://9gag.com/gag/a5Xnzgr

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gfriendunited · 8 months

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Singer-songwriter Yuju On “Dalala”, Liberation And Staying True To Herself

A member of once-famed girl group GFRIEND, singer-songwriter Yuju says one of her most liberating moments is when she strolls down the bustling streets of Gangnam, going unnoticed by anyone.

With a cap over her head and mask covering the face, Yuju says she often goes on such night strolls in the glitzy neighborhood to get closer to the people and feel the energy.

It was on one of those nights that her new song, “Dalala” was born, the singer recalled during an interview with local media on Tuesday. As she watched people with earphones passing on the streets, the first few lines of the song popped up in her mind.

“Dalala” is a song about such liberating sensation. At the same time, it turned out to become a source of liberation in itself, the singer explained.

The new digital single comes six months after she put out her second EP, “O” an autobiographical album reflecting on the emotions she’d experienced in her nine-year music career.

The exhausting production process nudged her into trying something more freewheeling. She found herself humming casually as she tried to release herself of thoughts.

“When people hum a melody that they don’t know the lyrics to, they usually sing ‘dalala.’ That became the first inspiration. Because my previous album was such a contemplative one, I wondered what I would get if I went for the complete opposite and emptied my mind. The song started from such simple curiosity.” Yuju said Tuesday.

“Dalala” is the first song that Yuju has been credited as the main composer and the sole lyricist. The singer recalls this was possible because she didn’t pressure herself to make a song but jumped into the process naturally.

“It was a sort of uncertainty, now I think of it. I didn’t believe I was ready to write my own title track and since there are so many other talented songwriters. For the first time, I broke out of the box and composed. I was confident that this time it was mine.” she said.

The song is a pleasant and easy-listening tune, but Yuju says the process of creating was not a breeze. To deliver her genuine emotions, the singer attempted self-recording for the first time.

“There are ups and downs. I could sing however I wish, but that way, I might get swept by emotions and lose the objective ear. I struggled to keep my balance, while at the same time, holding onto that initial spark in my heart that had turned into this song.” Yuju said.

The music video was an incarnation of the subtle infusion of her reality and fantasy, she said. She worked closely with the music video director to convey her ideas onto screen.

“There’s a scene where I’m dancing alone inside an empty lift. Then someone gets on, and I freeze, embarrassed. Like that, the music video conveys that, although I act as if I’m unconcerned about others, I’m actually not. I suppose it’s something I can tackle with time as I get to know myself better.” she said.

All her music is a reflection of her current self, and despite the song’s cheerful mood, Yuju wanted to make sure that the song and the music video was not portrayed as lighthearted.

“As unintentional as its start may have been, the song was inspired from an idea that resulted from my most pensive period in life. I stressed to the director that I wanted the gravity to show in the beginning and the end of the film.” Yuju said.

Just as “Dalala” had released Yuju from her own bounds, she hoped the song could free listeners, even for about three minutes.

Debuting solo in January 2022, around seven years since her 2015 debut as part of the now-defunct group GFRIEND, Yuju now feels she can rely on herself. The budding singer-songwriter said her goal is to define her own musical genre – “Yuju’s genre” – through her upcoming solo career.

More important for this genre, rather than the musical talent, is staying true to her virtues, she said.

“Music in essence is about empathy, and to do that, I need to strive to stay down to earth and compassionate with others.” she said.

“As an artist, I hope to be independent, capable of making my own music. I’ve always revered people who have a genuine passion for what they do, and I hope that is how I could be perceived in the future.”

#yuju #gfriend #text: article #era: o #230920

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mini-games · 11 months

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...It's so quiet.

[You hear a disembodied voice start speaking upon entering.]

Hello? Do you know where Mini went? They said they were going on a quick walk, but it's been hours and they haven't returned.

...Don't be frightened. I am the old Mini-Game Lobby owner. Though it seems I might have to start working again if I don't find Mini soon... (Below the cut are tags and other extra info!)

tags:

MINI-GAME RELATED TAGS: mini-game (used for posted mini-games)

scavenger hunt mg (used for the scavenger hunt mini-games)

arena games mg (used for arena games mini-games)

hide 'n' go seek mg (used for hide 'n' go seek mini-games)

user-submitted mini-game (used for mini-games made by you)

not a mini-game (non-mini-game posts)

CHARACTER RELATED TAGS: ooc speaking (posts where I speak out of character)

mini speaks (anything where I'm just talking)

mini speaks? (in character text, but I'm not really talking.)

minis art (my art!)

!mini fanart (fanart of mini! thank you so much :D)

!cat shenanigans (interactions with npcat)

!mini lore (mini (character) lore things)

!terro lore (terro lore things)

tag!anon (the anon with a bad connection in which there text seems to be cut out at times. turns out it was just hashbang-mods)

song lyrics anon (the anons that speak in only song lyrics to tell the others what's going on)

LORE SEGMENTS: sun blackout (the predicament where the sun was extinguished and it was definitely not caused by me at all (<- lie)

ice arc (the period of time during the sun blackout/sun saga where the ice people came and infected me. very roleplay.)

interrobang war (the war that was unfairly waged against the interrobangs)

gnome armada (an armada [fleet of warships] of gnomes thats happening. seems the gnomes have beef with mini and nef.)

status god arc (the time status obtained the power of the developers)

minis mourning (mini mourning the loss of terro during status god arc)

status two arc (the aftermath of defeating status with a double kungpowpenis)

leftover ice (arc) (mini's scars from the sun incident are colder and more painful than ever.)

prison break arc (mini breaks out of prison and has nowhere to hide. seems there are people in the library that are fairly friendly.)

carrion arc (other people call it "scream arc." im calling it carrion arc because its mini's first experience of carrion.)

plus-minus-contingency arc (plus minus is trying to "purify" the world except he's really bad at it.)

mini's rage (some anons informed mini that plus minus has severely hurt terro. they are Not Happy.)

the STATUS is DEAD (arc) (kunpowpenis times 10. y. yeah.)

frozen 2 arc (mini gets turned into an ice person again.)

MISCELLANEOUS TAGS: important (important posts. please look through these tags!)

kung pppp (oops.)

moon arc (my silly hermitcraft season 8 reference that got taken seriously and it almost turned into real lore. whoops.)

other info: I have never run a gimmick account before I do not know what I am doing. Making this blog was a very impulsive decision on my end, but I'm willing to see where it goes!

My main is @shiningnightstars

Update: I canNOT keep up with all the lore tags and such. I will miss things I am so sorry. On top of that, if I'm speaking in tags then that is CONFIRMED out of character.

Also, if any post needs to be tagged, PLEASE inform me! I tags things as "tw (subject)" Things I will not tag (and why):

colored text (part of the gimmick is the colored text. sorry, I won't be tagging every single post! your warning is right here.)

swearing/cursing/profanity (I won't be swearing, however the others do swear a lot and I don't feel like tagging every instance of that.)

caps (I use caps a lot and I don't want to tag just my regular speaking habits if im constantly posting with them!)

Have a great day!

Mini design:

(UPDATE - JANUARY 26: This design is slightly outdated due to the latest arc. If you need a more current design, please DM me or send in an ask!)

#not a mini-game #epprbcu #ooc speaking #games speaks

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becameundone · 3 months

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WHERE: the house of judgement WHEN: late february, early evening (around 4-5pm) WHO: anyone! ( @anchoragestarters ) CAP: 3/4

Tomo had come to try and scope the place out but, for all his efforts, he couldn't glean anything more specific from the building's exterior than its general spooky vibe. He'd been here before but only for the raves in the basement (and he'd been off his face for most of those so the memories were a little hazy and unhelpful). Although he'd been hoping to breeze past the House of Judgements and naturally come upon the answers he'd been looking for without having to get into anything tricky or complicated, it was becoming increasingly clear he'd have to step inside and get a better look. Truth be told, Tomo had wanted to ignore the bag that had showed up at his door in November. He'd even run off back to LA over December and spent half of January gallivanting about NYC but the note's final words still loomed over him, eating away at his peace of mind; WTVR U DO, DON’T RUN OUT OF TIME.

He'd been stood in the dimly-lit foyer, leant back against the wall and swinging the parrot keyring that had accompanied the note around in circles, the ring itself being spun around his finger, until somebody new finally came in through the entrance. Whether they were an employee in plain clothes, coming to start their shift, or just a regular customer, Tomo had no clue but he didn't feel like being picky either. "Hey, you got a minute?" he said, pushing himself off the wall with one hand, and sliding in front of his would be interviewee. If nothing else, years in the spotlight had taught him how to command attention. "You haven't heard of any...uh, hat men...have you?" He enunciated the name like the words were foreign to him. "I know how that sounds but I got this weird note saying and...okay, look, I'm not gonna go into but honestly? I'm just trying to make sure I'm not being pranked by some goth theatre kids."

#« ᴛ ᴏ ᴍ ᴏ » / 「 open. 」#anchoragestarters #drugs mention #i've been meaning to get this written up for a little while but HSHDHD i wanted to do smth with this part of the new year plot post!#throwing this out just before the plot drop so hopefully i'm not disrupting anything with this! <3 admins pls lmk!#(also i'm still working through the closed starters i owe! sorry for the wait hehe)

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seedlessmuffins · 9 months

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aren’t you a new football fan? celebrating like you’ve won the fucking world cup after one arsenal win lmfao. i’m not a city fan but don’t get used to assna wins when you lot lose the league to city again. embarrassing behaviour

hi anon! let's clear the air, yeah?

first of all, yes! i am a new football fan, i just started watching seriously after the world cup, and i am also a new arsenal fan. however, i still care very deeply about the sport and my team's successes in said sport! that is what being a fan is all about <3 just because i didn't grow up watching european football doesn't mean that i have less of a right to enjoy it then you do! also, it is the most popular sport in the world with billions and billions of fans globally, and out of the entire sport, the english premier league is the most viewed league in the world. of football, but also of any sport. so you can't really gatekeep it, sorry!

second of all, i'm aware that this was only a regular matchweek, not the world cup. but there are two important caveats to that those being:

who we were playing

and

the fashion in which we won

for who we were playing, it's not a secret that outside of the spurs and the north london derby, manchester united is one of arsenal's biggest rivals and has been since the start of the premier league when they were competing against each other for titles and trophies. i won't go into premier league history with you, i am just a new fan who knows nothing after all, but you should know that beating a rival is always exciting, especially when you are competing against them for points and jockeying for the title to compete with man city. every win is important, and winning is better when it is against a historical rival team.

for the fashion in which we won, it was a close game until the very end. rashford scoring in the 27th minute, and odegaard answering back 35 seconds later. the teams were trading chances and possession, there were good chances and var calls that went either way, it was a close game where the teams were fighting hard. and then, in the 95th minute, rice scores an absolute screamer and it was truly scenes at the emirates. gabi jesus caps it off with a 101st minute beaut, and arsenal win the game. winning in the last 3 minutes of regulation time, with a bonus goal over 100 minutes into the game is exciting! it was thrilling to watch, and seeing a team that i support win that emphatically in that dramatic of a manner was so much fun. its an exciting thing to watch and its ok to be excited when there's a win like that!

it also isn't just one win, this has just been our best win this season (imo)! we have only played four games, and we have won three and drawn one. so that is three wins actually, i am just celebrating this one the most, again, because of who we won against, how we won, and how we played to secure the win.

if the bit about "not getting used to arsenal wins" (i don't think you can call them assna when they came second in the premier league last season, and this season they haven't lost and they're in the champions league, right? but what do i know i'm just a new footy fan <3) is about the post where i said i forgot how good it feels to watch my team win, i don't think you understand what i have been through in the past 12 years as a sports fan. my hockey team has been on a losing streak almost this whole time, and we have been one of the flops of the league for awhile. just take a look at these gorgeous statistics from my favourite hockey team (that i have been a fan of since i was two, thank you very much)

do you want to talk losing? i know about losing. i know about losing for a long time, in an embarrassing manner. if you want more examples from football, from january to april 2023 i watched psg play every week. that was embarrassing losing in football for real. i might be new to football but i'm not new to sports, and i have to be perfectly honest: coming second is not losing. and what happened today wasn't a loss at all! in fact, it was the opposite! it was a win!

idk about losing the league to manchester city, it seems to me that arsenal has a good system with talented players that can ball out. we will see what comes, as the season is long and there are many other competitions for arsenal to compete in, but i have faith in the gunners and i believe that they can win! (and ill let you in on a little secret: that's what being a fan is all about <3)

i'm not sure if the embarrassing behaviour at the end is for my behaviour or arsenal's behaviour, however i am not being embarrassing, i am just being a fan, and arsenal certainly wasn't embarrassing with their performance today. idk what you're seeing, but bestie i think you might be blind <3

thanks for coming into my inbox anon, hope this cleared everything up for you! next time, let's let people enjoy things yeah? i try my best to be positive on here, i'm hardly ever a hater and i like to spread joy. why don't you take some of that energy alright? alright. hope you enjoyed your stay <3

ps: arsenal definitely are winning the world cup :)

#anon asks #well this wasn't what i was expecting but here we are #truly don't understand hate anons like let people enjoy things damn.#also idk why you're so defensive of it you're definitely a city fan lmao

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chaotic-nick · 11 months

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This fic was leading yesterday's poll and my impatient ass didn't wait for the results, I was already excited to post it 👌

pairing: Erwin Smith x Reader, established relationship, modern au

note: I wrote this sometime around January of 2022 when I was slowly coming out of the longest depressive episode of my life and when healing was interrupted with that moments felt so off :< or have thrown me off

wc: 564 || warnings: the overall fic feels gloomy, favouritism, unedited

Opening the door to their apartment, then hearing running water first, made sense why he felt uneasy when the clock struck twelve pm and he didn’t receive an enthusiastic text of what they’ll do later.

Erwin had their schedules memorised the month after they moved in. At this time— and always at this time, he’ll come home to a playlist of soft rock as she cooked their dinner. Though today, he opened to a quiet home. As quiet as how he left it in the morning. Briefcase going to its designated chair by the door, shoes next to hers and his blazer going on the couch’s back, he walked to where she would be.

They’ve reached a point where he didn’t need to look for her in their house.or call her name out with a worried tone.

“Love . . .” The bathroom. The one that had a bathtub in it. He was met with a slightly ajar door. “You kept the door unlocked,” he pushed it open only to have the steam hit his face.

Seeing her back facing him, his heart went at ease. At least she remembered to do that.

“Hello, Erwin.” She managed in a tired voice. He uncuffed his sleeves, slowly walking toward her to turn the shower off. “Do you want me to order something while you’re in there?”

“I’d like that very much.”

“Was it Korean chicken that you liked.”

“Mm.” A sniffle as she tried to straighten her back.“Thank you.”

As he left the door open, Erwin’s mind was loud again. He knew what sent her to such a state. A phone call, or a video call.

And again, she was compared. Reminding her that she was never the favourite child. Even when she was at the age when she could heal those wounds, a phone call so brief could open them again, Deeper even.

...

Her eyes were on the carpet. Not on the TV reflection of him drying her hair, carefully combing through the tangles. No. Following where she looked, Erwin’s mouth tugged at the corners when he realised that it was on the Korean chicken still in its packaging.

“Love. wear a shower cap next time. I appreciate keeping the door unlocked, too.” And every time she soothed herself in the shower, Erwin dried her hair—‘Of course not in the bedroom, we’d inhale the hair that fell out.’— in their living room, facing the TV.

“I’ll— I’ll keep that in mind.” Again, he thought. She must’ve sobbed out loud while she was in ther. “Your hair’ll get crisp, or keep your head out . . .”

“Got it,” her shoulders slumped down in fatigue.“Small steps, right?”

“Even a half a step’s enough.” He said, turning off the hair dryer, keeping a hand on her right shoulder so he could place a kiss on the side of her head.

“Let’s eat?”

“Let’s eat.”

He moved faster than her. As he pulled out paper plates from their cabinet he told her that she didn’t have to take care of him for however long she felt that way. “Where do you wanna eat?”

Pointing at the coffee table, her eyes showed a glint of hope. “I feel like sitting on the floor.”

“Rice?”

“Please.”

“So, wanna tell me about your day?” Erwin started when she joined him on the floor. “Mine was something, Miche’s sense of smell put us in . . .”

#nick writes fics #erwin smith x reader #erwin smith x y/n #erwin smith x you #attack on titan erwin #attack on titan x reader

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bizarrequazar · 1 year

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2022 Candy Year In Review

As a way to cap off the year, I thought it would be nice to go over all the LLD candy from 2022! There were a ton of little ones (read: kadians, matching clothing, possible hickies, sunset photos, etc.), so this will just be focusing on the larger notable ones. They’re all dated and in chronological order, because I’m me.

Remember to take these with a grain of salt. Enjoy~

January 23rd → Gong Jun’s studio Weibo posted his 2021 year in review video, completely leaving out August despite him having had two livestreams, a song release, and a reality show air during that month.

youtube

January 29th → Gong Jun posted a commercial for KFC to his Douyin where he rips dates off a calender that has 1 and 5 missing. (No one talks about this one but it’s one of my favourites. 🥺💕)

February 14th → Gong Jun posted a commercial to his Weibo at 11:29, then posted two photos of himself to Weibo at 13:14 (kadian for “forever”), then posted the same to his Instagram at 13:15, using the kadians to make the sequence “Gong Jun forever Zhang Zhehan”. The photos had been taken at Xiao Yu Hill in Qingdao at almost the exact location that Zhehan had taken photos at in 2018.

His Weibo post had the caption “Happy Valentine’s Day [11 husky emojis]”, the same caption he had used in 2021. Some people noted that “Zhang Zhehan” is eleven letters long, and interpreted the use of the same caption as a way of saying that nothing has changed.

March 5 → Gong Jun posted a vlog with Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran as one of the BGM, a song about a couple eloping during the Northern Ireland conflict. Fans found that one of the top comments on the song on Netease is “When China allows homosexuals to get married, I will play this song at our wedding,” and the song has widely been adopted by the gay community for its message of marrying and growing old together despite societal rules.

April 26th → (Purely rumor, take with a full spoon of salt.) Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan were supposedly seen together at the entrance to the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Beijing. Reportedly they saw someone take photos and Zhehan stepped forward to pay the person off, only for Gong Jun to stop him and say to the photographer, “Do whatever you want.” The following day was Zhehan’s lunar birthday.

May 6th → (Instagram cw) Guo Yunfei, the casting director and actor of Duan Pengju from Word of Honor, posted a photo of himself making the LLD handsign with the caption, “I hope the ‘waves’ (浪花, langhua) like it. I know what happened recently, but what can I say or do? … I hope everyone can be sincere and kind, have a safe future, and live up to your friendship.” This was the day after the Instagram was deactivated.

May 11th → Zhehan’s birthday. The post count on Gong Jun’s Weibo went up by two despite nothing new appearing, indicating that he had posted privately.

May 17th → (Again, purely rumor.) Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan were supposedly seen together near Liangma Bridge in Beijing’s Chaoyang district. According to this one, Gong Jun asked the fans who photographed them to delete the photos and they willingly complied.

May 20th → Kangshifu released a mini-movie for 520 starring Gong Jun and an actress who looked strikingly like Zhang Zhehan, including a scene where she wore an outfit almost identical to one Zhehan wore during his 2021 birthday concert. The film included drawn illustrations of the two lead characters, one of which was found to have been directly traced from a photo of Zhehan from the Word of Honor concert. One of the lines included on the teasers leading up to the release was “I didn’t hide you away properly. It’s apparent in every drawing of mine.”

May 23rd → Gong Jun posted photos from a photoshoot for L’Officiel magazine to his Weibo—completely innocuous until people discovered that the caption, “✈✈✈～ ”, auto-translated to “对对～我爱你～ (Yes yes~ I love you~)” in the international app. This was later confirmed to have been an intentional Easter egg. Interpret it as you will~

June 9th → Gong Jun posted cooking photos from when he had been visiting his family during the previous month. It was noticed that there was one more set of chopsticks than there should have been if it was only his family. As well, it can be seen that Gong Jun was cooking the cilantro separately from the rest of the dish—Zhehan is known to not like cilantro. June 9th is May 11th on the lunar calendar.

(There were so many little things throughout May and June, you could tell Gong Jun was giving Xie and co. the middle finger. A thread I made of all the ones I’m aware of can be found [here].)

August 1st → (slight knives in this one) BEAST posted an article to their WeChat about their Qixi product line, in which they included the lines “Remembering that we couldn’t spend the previous Qixi together as we were at different places I even secretly childishly cried, and was angry at him. He promised that he’ll give me a surprise next Qixi.” and “Love is separated by the mountains and seas / The mountains and seas can be flattened”. The latter was written on a banner Zhehan had recieved from a fan during the Word of Honor concert; Qixi 2021 was August 14th.

September 5th → VogueFilm released an interview Gong Jun had done with them where he talked about his morning routine, wherein he said, “If you have a problem with your knees, don’t do running, cycling, etc. Even though they seem easy, if you don’t master the technique well, it will actually affect your knees” Photos of his food included a jianbing, which a few weeks earlier he had said his “ahyi” made for him, as well as eggs prepared in a way unique to Jiangxi.

October 14th to 20th → Gong Jun stopped having an umbrella shield him from photographers while going to work and took full advantage of it by wearing clothing associated with Zhehan for the next several days. Details can be found in my post for that week, look for the 🍬 emojis.

November 2nd → During a livestream for Hsu Fu Chi, Gong Jun mentioned multiple of his other endorsements and at one point walked off set to grab his LockNLock thermos, which he then drank from on camera for exactly five seconds while the host was made to wait. On the same day, his studio posted a douyin with the song 隆里电丝 by 盛宇DamnShine, which includes the lines “Some people will become your friends / or your zhiji / Some people will fight with you to the end / as long as you're happy (开心就好)”

November 17th → A photo from 2021 that Gong Jun’s studio posted as part of his time train series included a blurred out red and blue smear that was possibly a photo from the Word of Honor concert being used as his phone’s wallpaper.

November 28th → Gong Jun posted a photo of a handwritten note saying that he wouldn’t be doing a birthday livestream the following day. Something that was possibly his hexagon ring appears to have been deliberately placed behind a glass of water in the photo.

December 17th → Gong Jun posted travel photos from Yunnan, which included two photos of a figure from behind wearing a hoodie that completely covers his head. There is debate over whether this person was really Gong Jun, especially as the shoulders seem to match Zhang Zhehan’s stature.

What’s your own favourite candy from the year? If I didn’t include it here, please feel welcome to add it as a reply or reblog! 🍬🍬🍬

#Gong Jun #Zhang Zhehan #junzhe #my gj posts #my zzh posts #the stars and moon shine together

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totowlff · 2 years

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chapter twenty-two — lipstick and confessions

➝ going to a gala in geneva is stressful enough, but some familiar lipstick and a familiar face make for a weekend that elisabeth hadn’t expected.

➝ word count: 5k

➝ warnings: smut

JANUARY, 2016

As Elisabeth stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, she felt uncomfortable. Her eyes roamed over her hair, arranged in a neat coiffure; to her makeup, nothing fancy or different from what she usually wore; to the jewelry she'd chosen, simple diamond studs in her ears and a diamond pendant necklace.

She felt beautiful, but —

“Something's missing”, she thought, stepping back to examine her strapless black dress, satisfied with how it hugged her curves.

— Are you ready, Liesl? — Toto asked her, his voice muffled by the closed bathroom door.

— Almost — she murmured thoughtfully, her hands sliding along the soft fabric of her dress.

It didn't take long for her to hear his muffled footsteps heading towards the bathroom. Seconds later, he opened the door and stood behind her, leaning one shoulder against the door jamb. Elisabeth glanced at him in the bathroom mirror. He was wearing one of his best suits and a bow tie that she had learned to tie for him through a YouTube tutorial. Toto looked completely stunning.

— You look ready to me — he said, a mischievous grin on his face.

Glancing at him, she pressed her lips together.

— I don't know, honey — Elisabeth sighed.

Standing up straight, Toto approached, stopping just behind her. Through the mirror, she noticed his brown eyes watching her, taking her all in, from the way she’d styled her hair, to her face, down to her chest. When she noticed that his gaze lingered longer than a few seconds on her cleavage, Elisabeth cleared her throat.

— Is there something wrong with my dress?

He smiled.

— Yes.

— What is it?

— It could be on the floor of this room right now.

She shook her head, as Toto wrapped his hands around her waist and rested his lips on her shoulder, gently kissing the bare skin. His hot breath on her skin sent a shiver through her body.

— I'm serious — Elisabeth muttered, eyes locked on his through the reflection, her hands resting on his.

— So am I — he whispered against her neck.

She’d love nothing more than to be melting into Toto’s arms right now, letting him mark her delicate skin with hickeys and nibbles like he loved to do, but she just sighed in frustration. It was enough for him to realize there was something bothering her.

Lifting his face from her shoulder, Toto stared at Elisabeth for a few seconds, his eyes taking her all in.

— What is it, Liesl? — he asked her.

She pursed her lips.

— Don't you think there's something missing?

Toto blinked.

— What do you mean by something missing?

— I can't say exactly, but it feels like… I’m missing some detail. I don’t know.

His gaze wandered over her reflection again for a few seconds, then his expression brightened.

— And I know what it is — Toto said, taking his hands off her waist to rummage through her makeup bag that was on the bathroom counter. He sifted through it, disturbing all of its contents, but it didn't take long for him to find what he was looking for. He pulled out a black and gold tube of lipstick, setting it down on the white marble countertop.

Elisabeth picked up the tube, removed its black cap and twisted its golden base, causing the vibrant red hue of the product to appear. After looking at the lipstick for a few seconds, she looked up at Toto, finding a sly smile on his face.

— This lipstick?

— Yes — he replied in a low voice.

Her eyes returned to the vibrant color in her hand, the memory of the day she wore that lipstick for the first, and so far, only, time coming to mind. Elisabeth smiled at the thought.

— Do you know which lipstick this is?

— It's the one you were wearing at that dinner in Monaco — Toto answered, almost immediately. She stared at him in surprise, earning a smug smile back — Did you think I wouldn't remember?

— Considering you were with your girlfriend at the time, I figured you hadn't even noticed what I was wearing — she muttered.

He stepped closer to Elisabeth, his gaze fixed on hers.

— There hasn't been a day that has gone by since then when I haven't thought about those red lips of yours.

She felt her breath catch in her throat, a wave of arousal coursing through her body. And all Toto had done was say a few words in that low, sensual tone that made her melt like ice cream in the sun. He never failed to amaze her with the power he held over her body.

— So… Do you like it?

— I love it.

— Do you… Want me to wear it today? — Elisabeth whispered, her gaze locked on his. She could see desire glowing in his chocolate eyes.

— Yes, baby.

She smiled.

Elisabeth turned towards the mirror and leaned slightly over the sink, nestling her butt into Toto's hip. Then, with her gaze fixed on him, she began to apply the lipstick slowly, coloring her lips with the vibrant shade. His eyes followed the movement of her hand with rapt attention, completely mesmerized by that simple gesture. However, it wasn’t just his eyes that were attentive.

She twisted the lipstick back down and put the lid back on, and stood up straight. Elisabeth tilted her head and analyzed her reflection again. “Ah, much better. That’s exactly what was missing”, she thought. Then, she felt Toto’s hands grasp her waist again, pulling her against his body. The closeness made her feel his stiffness against her lower back.

— What do you think? — she asked.

Toto smiled.

— Beautiful.

Elisabeth turned to him, a sly smile on her red lips.

— I didn't know red lipstick turned you on, Mr. Wolff — she muttered, her fingers playing with the waistband of the dress pants he wore. His hands slid around her waist, down her lower back until he reached her butt.

— It looks very good, but… What really turns me on is you, baby — he whispered.

— I turn you on?

Toto pulled her against his body, his erection pressed against her.

— Yes.

She pressed her lips together, an idea coming to mind.

— You know you can't go to the gala like that, don't you?

— Like what?

Her hand descended a little further, moving his cock. Then, over his pants, she grasped at his erection.

— Hard — Elisabeth whispered, looking up at him, almost innocently.

Toto gave her a nervous smile, struggling to contain himself under her touch. His reaction was enough for her to bring her face closer to his.

— Why don’t I sort this out for you? — she purred, her hand sliding lightly over his pants. She felt his cock twitch through the fabric.

— You would do that for me? — he asked in a low voice.

— Yes, dear — Elisabeth replied — Please.

Toto bit his lower lip.

— Then tell me what you want me to do, Liesl.

A smile appeared on her red lips. Taking his hand, she led him out of the bathroom, into the bedroom of the suite. Toto sat himself on the mattress, eyes watching her, wordlessly awaiting her instructions.

— Unzip your pants for me — Elisabeth said, splaying her hands over his thighs to kneel between his legs. Toto complied almost robotically, his fingers clumsy and anxious as he undid the clasp and zipper of his dress pants. She could see his member outlined by his underwear, and slipped one of her hands into his pants. Then she looked up at him.

— Can I?

Toto nodded. She saw him swallow a bit in nervous anticipation.

— I need you to use your words, honey — Elisabeth said, a small smile on her lips.

— Please, baby — he muttered.

She responded by pulling his underwear down, revealing Toto's completely rigid cock. Wrapping her fingers along his length, she brought him to her lips, resting them gently on his tip, her tongue tasting the salty taste of his precum. Looking up at Toto, his eyes were locked on her, burning with desire.

Elisabeth thought of different ways to provoke him. She could trace the veins around his cock with her finger. Or with her tongue. She could stimulate him slowly, taking her time to draw out his pleasure. She could take it inch by inch into her mouth, maybe.

However, her eyes found the metallic dial of the watch Toto was wearing. She could see that there were less than 15 minutes before they had to go down to the lobby of the InterContinental Genève, to the gala they were attending. “Damn”, she thought, pulling her face away and studying the red mark that was left on the head of his cock.

— Liesl — Toto muttered.

— Yes — she purred, moving her hand along his length.

— You have no idea how many times I've dreamed — he panted, closing his eyes tightly as she quickened the movement of her hand — Of having that lipstick leave marks… Like that.

— You’ve dreamed about it? — Elisabeth asked, a sly smile.

— Yes, Liesl, I have — Toto stammered, as she brought the tip of her tongue to one of his long veins — With you on your knees, in that low-cut black dress from that night in Monaco, sucking me off, smearing my whole dick with that red lipstick.

— Is that what you’d like me to do?

He just nodded, making no sound.

— Then ask me, darling — she whispered, eyes locked on his.

— Suck me off, Elisabeth. Please — he gasped, bringing a hand up to her face, his thumb caressing her cheek.

— Of course, my love — she replied with a smile, before taking his entire length into her mouth.

The sounds of his satisfaction filled her ears as Elisabeth began to move her head along his length, the tip touching her throat each time she descended, her nose brushing his pubic bone. Focused on her breathing, she fought her own reflexes to keep giving Toto exactly what he deserved.

Pleasure.

— Yes, baby, this — he stammered, seeming to be in a trance — You are so good… So good to me… Your mouth… You… My God…

As her tongue circled around his cock, Elisabeth’s gaze rose to his. Toto seemed to make an almost superhuman effort to keep his eyes open, fixed on her, almost begging her to keep going. The words he was muttering no longer made any sense, mixing languages together.

— Ja… That… Weiter so — he panted — Du bist so gut…

Moving faster now, she brought her hand to his cock, in order to help her mouth. The words Toto muttered became a mixture of grunts and moans, his mind completely unable to form any sentences. Elisabeth knew what this meant — he was close.

Very close.

She was tempted to leave him on the edge, a tease for all the times he'd denied her the chance to come. However, they had no time for jokes. She continued to bob her head in a relentless rhythm, saliva trickling from the corner of her mouth as she took more and more of him between her red lips, leaving a trail of color down his shaft.

— Ich komme — she heard Toto grunt before a hot stream of semen filled her throat. Swallowing it all in one go, Elisabeth kept moving her head until she felt him go soft against her tongue. She gave him one final suck and raised her head.

— Did you swallow it all? — Toto asked her, which made her open her mouth and stick her tongue out at him, showing that she had. He smiled at the sight — Good girl.

— Your girl — Elisabeth replied, as he placed his hands on her cheeks.

— Only mine — he murmured, giving her a gentle kiss on the lips.

A few seconds later, she pulled her face away, her nose brushing his.

— What time is it? — she asked.

Toto lifted his wrist and looked at his watch.

— We still have five minutes.

Elisabeth rose from the floor, her knees aching from the rough carpet. She went to the bathroom in search of some tissues to clean the crimson stain off of his cock. Pausing quickly in front of the mirror, she examined her makeup, wiping away a red trail that had escaped her lips with her thumb. She took a moment to retrieve the lipstick again, reapplying a fresh coat. Then, she smiled, satisfied. Everything else was still in order. She walked back out to the bedroom and was surprised to see Toto standing straightening his suit. His pants were already pulled back up and fastened, his shirt tucked back in. It was like nothing happened.

— Darling, didn’t you want to clean up? — she asked, confused.

— No need, Liesl.

Elisabeth blinked.

— Are you sure? Your underwear will be all stained…

Toto approached her, a sly smile on his lips.

— I haven't dreamed for so long of having my dick marked by your lipstick to clean the stains off it at the first opportunity.

She felt her face heat up.

— Besides, you can help me clean it up later.

— Oh?

— Yes. With your pussy — Toto replied casually, kissing her cheek — Shall we go?

— Yes, let’s go — she replied, picking up her clutch from the bedside table, making sure she had everything she needed.

— Everything there?

— Yes. I’m ready — Elisabeth smiled.

They left the room towards the lobby of the InterContinental Genève in silence. Inside the elevator, they just exchanged glances and shy smiles, as if both knew what the other was trying to say. Leaving the hotel lobby, Elisabeth found a black Mercedes parked in front of the building, a man she assumed was the driver standing right next to it.

— Bonsoir, Monsieur Wolff, Mademoiselle Lauda.

— Bonsoir, merci beaucoup — she replied before getting into the car.

The way to the Palexpo was smooth, despite the intense movement when approaching the building where the gala event would take place. Even inside the car, she could see camera flashes and hear the activity of the assembled press pool. Suddenly, something tightened in her stomach. Elisabeth still hated these events, with all of its publicity.

— It's everything alright? — Toto whispered beside her.

— Yes — she said seriously.

— Take a deep breath, Liesl. It's gonna be okay.

She looked at him and took his hand in hers, bringing it to her lips and placing a gentle kiss on his knuckles, being careful not to let any of the crimson stain on his skin. She was still impressed by his ability to calm her down before these things.

Just like Toto said, everything went fine for her trip down the red carpet. With him next to her, Elisabeth found that her smiles for the cameras were earnest. Nico and Lewis joined them for a few pictures, and then, Georges Kern, the CEO of IWC, joined their group for a few moments.

— Enjoy the evening — Kern said, smiling.

Once inside the space, Elisabeth and Toto chose to separate, so as not to arouse suspicion. However, she soon regretted the decision when she found herself alone, among groups of people conversing, without any company. Sipping champagne from her glass, she was watching Toto talk to Arsène Wenger when she felt someone tap her shoulder.

As she turned around, she felt her heart skip a beat. "Her? Here?”, Elisabeth thought to herself, forcing her face into a friendly smile.

— Good evening, Elisabeth — Aurélie brought her face close to hers in a quick greeting — How are you?

— Good evening, Aurélie — she stammered, trying to hide her surprise — I'm fine, and you?

— I'm fine too — she smiled — Are you enjoying yourself this evening?

— Yes, I'm enjoying it very much — she replied, trying to keep her eyes on the woman, whose hair was pulled back in an elegant bun — It's all been very pleasant. And you?

— I am. I was able to meet up with Adriana and Karolina, two friends of mine, so I'm very happy.

She nodded, her eyes leaving the model's face and searching for Toto in the conversation circles. She quickly spotted him talking to Lewis and Nico, a wide smile on his face.

— That’s lovely, Aurélie — Elisabeth said, still a little distracted — I still need to talk to Nico and Lewis, but they are busy at the moment. I’ll wait for a few minutes until they’re free.

The model laughed.

— I can imagine, after such a successful season — she commented, her fingers tapping on the silver clutch in her hand — By the way, are you excited for the upcoming season?

— Very. The new car is promising so far and everyone is very excited for Barcelona next month — she said, her gaze drifting back to Toto, who was listening intently to Nico, until his eyes met hers. Then, the team principal winked at her, causing something inside her chest to heat up. Then, with a mischievous smile on his face, he turned back to the driver in front of him.

— Elisabeth — Aurélie said, touching her arm — Can I ask you a question?

She looked back at the woman, feeling her face grow hot. She had just forgotten about her for a moment. Trying to disguise her lack of attention, she smiled.

— Of course, you can.

— You and Toto are together, aren't you?

Elisabeth blinked.

— No, of course not, Aurélie. Where did you get that idea?

The model laughed.

— Elisabeth, you can tell me the truth.

— But… That is the truth.

— Elisabeth — she put a hand on her arm — Toto and I have nothing but respect for each other. It’s fine if you are.

— Aurélie — she tried to respond, but couldn’t.

— Okay, let's try again, Elisabeth — the woman said, smiling — Are you and Toto together?

She stared at Aurélie in silence, not knowing how to answer.

— Yeah... Well... I…

— I'll take that as a yes.

— Aurélie…

— I knew it. I always knew you were going to end up together.

She tilted her head, confused.

— What do you mean?

— You were supposed to be together from the start, Elisabeth. I was just an obstacle in his way to you. Or rather, a detour.

It felt like she was hallucinating. She just couldn't believe what she was hearing.

— Sorry, I really don't understand — she said — An… Obstacle?

Aurélie sighed.

— You know, Elisabeth, my story with Toto started right here, at this exact place. I had been asked to be one of the models at the Cartier booth while he was one of the guests at the IWC booth. I was using the Ballon Blanc, the watch that the brand was launching that day. The band was all diamonds, it was very luxurious.

— I can imagine — she muttered.

— Toto approached and asked some questions about the watch and I answered, giving him the official pitch from the press office, describing all of its features, that sort of thing. However, I was surprised when he asked me what I thought about the watch, personally. I replied that I thought it was a bit… Much, that it would not be my first choice. So he asked me to show him which watch I liked. I showed him one of the other watches we had, a much simpler one. And he said that he agreed with me, that the one I showed him was much better suited to me than the one I was wearing, as it was elegant like me.

Elisabeth couldn't hold back a smile. That sounded like the kind of charm from Toto that she knew very well.

— I can't say I wasn't enchanted by him. I thought he was enchanted with me too. After our first conversation, we went out to dinner not even a week later. And then we had dinner again. And again. By that point, I’d realized I was madly in love with him. I thought that he felt the same way, since he'd made a point of introducing me to both of his children, and his mother.

The mention of Toto's mother made something in her stomach turn. She brought the champagne glass to her lips, sipping the liquid lightly.

— Everything was perfect. Beautiful. I felt like I was dreaming every time I was with him. Toto was the best boyfriend in the world. Then, he invited me to go to Monaco to watch a race for the first time — she said, her eyes fixed on hers — I felt like we were taking another big step that weekend, because I’d get to meet his team and his friends. That weekend was definitely a turning point in our relationship, but not the one I’d expected.

— The dinner — she stammered.

— Yes, the dinner, Elisabeth.

— But what happened? — she asked.

Aurélie sighed.

— You happened.

— Me?

— Yes. I started to feel like I was in the way. Even the way that Toto held my hand changed after we arrived and he saw you. At one point during the dinner I looked at him and I realized he was looking at you. I saw my relationship crumble right then and there.

Elisabeth had no idea what to say.

— I also noticed that it seemed like… You were annoyed by my presence and, in a way, I started to wonder if there was something between you two. When you got up and went to the bathroom after Toto kissed me on the cheek, I concluded that you two had a history together.

She pursed her lips.

— I wouldn't mind that, normally. After all, he was with me, wasn't he? But what hurt was that he almost jumped out of his chair to go after you. Honestly, I think the only reason he didn’t was because I was there. But not even five minutes later, he asked me to go to the bathroom to check on you. I did, because something inside of me still wanted to believe I was seeing too much. Then I heard you crying. And I felt something burning inside me.

— Anger? — she asked in a low voice.

— No. Jealousy.

— Jealousy?

— Yes. Me, who has never been possessive or even insecure about my relationships, found myself completely consumed by jealousy.

— But you had no reason to be jealous, Aurélie…

— Yes, I did. You were the perfect woman for him.

Elisabeth couldn't hold back an incredulous laugh.

— Please, Aurélie, the perfect woman here is not me.

— Elisabeth, you're smart, you’re a savvy businesswoman and look after your dad’s interests, you know motorsport, you're independent… And, you're beautiful. I only know how to smile and walk straight.

— You know that's not true — she said, gravely. Elisabeth couldn't believe what the model was telling her.

— Whether it's true or not didn't matter to me at the time. Then, I came to the conclusion that I needed to… Conquer Toto. That I needed to convince him that I was worth it. So I started spending more time with him, with his family. I started going to Mercedes events, even watched a race from the garage.

— Canada? — she deduced.

— Exactly.

— Did you… Like it?

— I never understood what was going on. How do you understand anything in that madness?

She laughed.

— Even to this day, I’m not sure.

— Well, the thing is, it didn't work out. All my efforts were useless. We were two people who were trying to carry on with that relationship for our own separate reasons, without the slightest bit of appreciation for each other. Of course, the situation became completely untenable.

— I can imagine.

— We broke up shortly after his bike accident. I only found out that he had been injured after he was discharged from the hospital, when he finally bothered to send me a message to let me know. I was in Paris and took the first flight back to Vienna, but I was so angry with him. I wondered how he could have hidden something so serious from me. Needless to say, as soon as I set foot in the apartment, the two of us had a fight.

She remained silent.

— I asked him why he didn’t bother to tell me something so serious. I felt like he didn't trust me to help him when he needed it. He kept saying that he didn't want to bother anyone, that he'd been enough of a nuisance to everyone already. And I made the mistake of asking who had helped him and taken care of him, since he didn’t call me. He didn’t answer me. And I concluded it was you.

Swallowing hard, her mind reminded her of Toto's words when he took her hand in that dimly lit hospital room.

"I need you".

— Then, I exploded. I started yelling at him, asking why he had called another woman when he had me, his girlfriend, who cared about him. I'll never forget the look he gave me. It was the coldest look I had ever received in my life. But, even worse than that was what he’d said to me.

— What did he say? — she asked quietly, dreading the answer.

— Well, he said that he called you because you were the love of his life.

Elisabeth’s jaw dropped. When Toto said he wasn't with Aurélie that night in Sochi, he said he told Aurélie that he liked her more than the model. However, hearing Aurélie’s account of the relationship and of the fight, with the real words of Toto made her feel a bit guilty.

“If only I had been sincere on that call on Christmas”, she thought to herself, pressing her lips together.

— I saw that he regretted it, right away. He didn't want to say it then, like that. But it was the truth. Toto loved you. He always had. And after that, he couldn't pretend he didn’t.

— Did you break up that night?

— Yes. There was no reason for us to be together anymore, Elisabeth.

She felt her throat tighten. She knew that Toto's relationship with Aurélie hadn't worked out because of his feelings for her. However, Elisabeth would never have imagined that his feelings would devastate someone else so much.

— I'm sorry, Aurélie — she said softly — I never meant for any of this to happen. I mean it.

The woman laughed.

— There's no reason for you to apologize, Elisabeth — Aurélie replied, placing a hand on her arm — In the end, I learned a lot from everything that happened and I'm very grateful to Toto for that.

— Grateful?

— Yes, grateful. Our relationship was a great lesson in self-love for me. It was with Toto that I discovered that, long before I want someone to love me, I need to love myself.

She nodded, smiling.

— And it was in discovering my own self-worth that I discovered that I can't accept less than what I really deserve — the model continued — That I'm also worthy of someone who will love me like Toto loves you.

— I hope you find him, Aurélie — she replied, smiling.

— Well, about that — she smiled, raising her left hand to her. Elisabeth stared at her fingers for a few seconds until she noticed that, on her ring finger, was a platinum band with an oval diamond nestled in the center.

— Are you engaged?

— Yes — Aurélie replied, beaming.

— And who's the lucky guy?

— His name is Antoine, he’s a good friend of mine who works at Cartier. After Toto and I broke up, we ended up getting closer and everything just fell into place. I've never felt so happy as I do now.

She couldn’t help but feel a weight lift off her shoulders. In a way, with the story that Aurélie had told her, Elisabeth felt deeply guilty about what had happened between her and Toto. Seeing her moving on, happy, and, above all, with someone who loved her the way she deserved, brought her indescribable relief.

— I'm glad, Aurélie — she said, putting a hand on her arm — You really deserve it.

— You too, Elisabeth. You and Toto deserve it, I mean — she replied, turning to face Toto, who was watching them curiously, giving both women a nod. Elisabeth raised her glass in a cordial greeting, while Aurélie waved at him. Then she turned back to her — Take care of him. He's completely crazy for you.

She smiled.

— And I'm crazy for him, Aurélie.

The model returned the smile to her before asking permission, as her presence was being requested in another circle. However, she wasn't alone for long, as Toto approached her right after.

— I didn't expect to see her around here.

— Me neither — Elisabeth muttered.

— What did you talk about?

— Many things — she just said — Did you know she's engaged?

Toto raised his eyebrows.

— Is she? To who?

— A friend of hers that works at Cartier. She said she’s very happy.

He smiled.

— Good, Liesl. And you?

— What about me? — she asked, raising an eyebrow.

— Are you happy?

Elisabeth smiled.

— Yes. I am.

Hours later, they were back in her suite at the InterContinental Genève. As she dropped her purse onto the bedside table, Toto was seated on the edge of the mattress, taking off his shoes and socks. Watching him, she couldn't resist climbing onto the bed and approaching him from behind, stilling his movements with her hands on his shoulders.

Wordlessly, her fingers slipped over the fabric of his jacket, moving toward his bowtie, undoing the knot. Then, her hands went down to his dress shirt, undoing one of the buttons. Staring at her through the mirror that was on the wall opposite the bed, Toto smiled.

— Are you trying to make me horny again, Liesl?

— Maybe — Elisabeth purred, a mischievous smile on her face — Is it working?

— Maybe… Yes — he replied, smiling.

Her hands continued to work, helping Toto out of his suit, tie, and finally, his shirt. Then, she moved to his front, tugging up the skirt of her dress to settle more comfortably on Toto's lap. His hands slid down her back, seeking the zipper of her dress. She placed kisses on his neck and chest, making sure to leave a trail of red lipstick where her lips passed.

— Elisabeth — Toto whispered, his nose brushing hers.

— Yes, dear — she said, her knuckles almost going white from her grip on his bare shoulders.

— You are the love of my life.

Bringing her hands to his face, Elisabeth closed her eyes again.

— And you are mine.

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