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yourlocalmerchgirl · 5 months

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Is it ok if I call you mine? Part One

Part 2 Part 3

Soft!Joel Miller x Neurodivergent/ anxious F!reader

Summary: When Joel sees you having a hard time outside of a concert he tries to make sure your alright when he scares you on accident he can’t stop thinking about if your actually ok or not until a couple weeks later he runs into you. Both of you let down your guard and form a unlikely bond

Soft! Joel miller x neurodivergent reader AU (outbreak never happens)

Warnings: soft Joel, concerned Joel, protective Joel, neurodivergent, audio overstimulation, anxiety, self inflicted angst. Best friend Tommy, falling in love. Acceptance, low self esteem.

A/N: I’m so nervous to start posting this story. This story is very near and dear to me and I’ve been pouring my heart into this story, I hope you all like going on this journey with me. This will be a multi part story.

There’s not a lot of descriptors about reader other than eye color but they can easily be changed.

You didn’t want to be this way- in fact you hated it at times if you’re honest with yourself. Sometimes you could see it coming. Other times, one minute you were fine the next your brain felt like it was drowning out at sea while your body looked for it in a flimsy life raft.

You just wanted to enjoy your night out with your best friend seeing your favorite band, you had felt really good today.

As you sat there waiting for the show to start the chatter of the group sitting behind you became more intense and you started zoning out, trying to focus on anything but as their chatter turned into them shouting back and forth over each other, it became to much. Everything sounding jumbled, you felt lightheaded as if your head was swimming, the overwhelming anxious feeling taking over your body.

“I-I ne-need get out of here and get some air” you shouted abruptly standing, grabbing your seat to steady yourself as the dizzys worsened.

“Do you need me to go with you?” Stacey asked concerned, she knew all to well how awful things could get for you sometimes.

“No…no I’ll be ok, I just need to breathe, need some air. I’ll text you if I need you”

Once outside you slid down, sitting on the sidewalk under the awning of the venue, the small round lights that lined the bottom of the awning offering just enough light in the night sky. You sat with your back against the building, your knees pulled up to your chest as you felt the cold fall air fill you lungs, easing the weight on your chest slightly. God the air felt good on your over heated face.

“Y’alright miss?” You hear an unfamiliar muffled voice. There’s other people around surly he’s talking to someone else.

“Miss y’alright?” You hear the soft husky drawl. You try to ignore it. Please be talking to someone else.

“Darlin’ y’alright” you hear with a light hand on your shoulder. Fuck. Your head snaps up, eyes wide as your gaze locks with a pair of big brown eyes. Flinching away from him you snarl “dude I’m fine”

“Sorry didn’t mean to startle ya, was just concerned.”

You don’t say anything back, you barely even acknowledge him.

“I-I’m Joel” He offers with a kind smile

“Look Joel I’m sure you’re nice and all but I clearly am having a rough go and don’t want to be bothered” you snapped back standing quickly and hurrying back inside the venue.

“Sorry Darlin” he softly called after you.

“What was that about?” Tommy asks Joel, only witnessing the tail end of what was happening.

Joel lets out a defeated sigh “There was this girl curled up sitting on the ground, clearly going through something, I asked her if she was a’lright. I think I scared her when I touched her shoulder, she got up angry and ran inside.”

Once inside you run into the bathroom rubbing cold water on your face, you feel a rush of instant guilt. You hated the way you came off to people sometimes, your tone coming off harsh and aggressive, often not matching how you were feeling. People would often tell you you needed to control your emotions or regulate your tone but you truly couldn’t control it, it’s just how you were. You weren’t good with people, you didn’t like small talk never really knowing how to engage in it, you often either shared to much to fast or you’d say nothing at all, mostly just observing people, just being in the background of most situations and that was when you were invited to gatherings which wasn’t very often.

“There was this guy outside tonight”

“Ok…”

“He was trying to check on me, to make sure I was alright and I snapped at him, I was actually pretty rude to him”

“I feel so bad” you said with a deep sigh.

“Don’t let it bother you, I’m sure he didn’t think much of it” Stacey said trying to ease your mind.

“Joel…he said his name was Joel.”

————————————————————

“Shit…I-I think that’s the guy from the other night” you say looking up from your sandwich.

Stacey whips around “Who Joel? The guy from outside the show? Which one is he?”

“The one with the scruffy beard, and messy hair standing with the guy with the dark curly hair at the counter, I think he was there too.”

“He’s handsome, you didn’t tell me he was so handsome”

“Well I didn’t realize it either, I was to busy being a bitch to notice” you say nervous laughing.

“I’m sure he won’t remember me, but I still feel so guilty”

You have no idea yet how wrong you are.

Joel notices you instantly as him and Tommy are looking for a table.

The feeling of relief washing over him seeing that your ok. He hadn’t stopped wondering, no he hadn’t stopped worrying if you were ok.

Tommy noticed Joel acting nervously, continuously looking over Tommy’s shoulder at something or someone.

“Y’alright man? Y’acting weird, w’do you keep looking at?”

“It’s the girl, the one from the other night at the show”

Tommy turns to see you and Stacey recognizing you from the other night.

“I’ve seen her friend here before, think she’s seeing the guy that runs the place”

“But the girl, she looks like she’s alright” Tommy says softly, turning to see Joel’s smile at his comment.

“And I know you been worryin’”

“Huh? It that obvious?”

“I’m your brother I know things, also ya keep mentioning it, why don’t ya go talk to her?”

“M’pretty sure I scared the shit outta her, she ain’t want me talkin’ to her.”

“I-I should apologize to him”

“So let’s go talk to them”

“Ugh your not supposed to agree” you laugh.

“You keep talking about feeling bad, and I know you, you’ll just keep thinking about it, if it would make you feel better let’s go talk to him”

Stacey’s surprised when you get up from the table slowly and nervously start walking over and she follows behind.

“Ah shit, there…she’s coming over here I think” Joel says nervously

“I-I’m sorry this is kind of random but are…are you Joel?” You ask as you nervously fiddle with the hem of your shirt, unable to maintain eye contact.

“Yes ma’am”

Tommy watch’s your body language intently, understanding more about you than you even realize or notice.

“I ah, you probably don’t remember me”

“Course I do”

“You do?” You ask completely shocked

“Why wouldn’t I? You were outside of the State theater, was worried about you”

“A-bout that, I’m so sorry for snapping and being so rude to you. I know you were just trying to make sure I was alright. I was just having a rough go and I’m just um not very good with people sometimes an-d my tone doesn’t um ugh it doesn’t matter….I just wanted to apologize.” You said, getting more nervous and flustered the more you talked. Damnit why am I like this? Why the hell is he gonna care about my problems just stop talking.

But it did matter, it mattered to him. He wanted you to go on, to hear about what was bothering you. He wanted to be able to ease your mind, to make you feel better.

Tommy noticed your body language, how anxious you were, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt while looking at the ground. He knew this feeling all to well, anxiety hadn’t been his friend since he’d came back from the army and seeing Joel go through it when he lost Sarah he just wanted to make you feel comfortable.

“Well since my brothers not going to introduce us, I’m Tommy. What’s your name darlin’?” Tommy says holding out his hand to shake.

“ shit..sorry I’m (y/n) and this is Stacey.”

You turn to Joel, your hand out stretched.

“It’s nice to meet you properly Joel” you say offering him the warmest smile. You just had this feeling about them, about him in particular that you couldn’t describe.

Joel is surprised but moved by your action, taking your hand offering you the kindest smile back. He takes this opportunity to study every part of your face, as if he was committing it to memory.

“Y’all have fun at the show?” Joel asks

“Oh were you guys there for the show too?” You ask, your face turning the lightest shade of red.

“ well, I dragged him there” Tommy says gesturing to Joel chuckling

“But yea we were there”

“Yeah… umm other than my episode we had a blast…they’re my favorite band”

“Hey! No way they’re mine too” Tommy exclaims “my first time seeing them”

“I’ve seen them 3 times, they’ve been great every time” you exclaim.

Joel watches as your body language relaxes a little bit. He takes pride in him and Tommy being able to ease you even if just for a moment.

“Y’guys want join us?”

You’re immediately flustered by the question, feeling like you’ve lingered too long making them feel like they had to ask.

“Oh no that’s ok, I don’t want to bother you guys, you’re clearly on your lunch break.” Your eyes trained on your shoes, pulling at your shirt. Fuck you hated being like this- an awkward overthinking mess as people would tell you.

Pulling your gaze back up to Joel with a nervous smile on your face.

“I just wanted to apologize, sorry to bother you guys”

Before either of them could say anything you turn on you heels and hurried out the door.

“Wait (y/n)” Joel calls after you calmly, not waiting to scare you.

As you and Stacey turn around you see Joel smiling at you as Tommy comes out of the cafe behind him.

“Here I ah wanted to give your our numbers” Joel says rubbing the back of his neck.

You reach out taking the piece of paper.

“No pressure just if you ever wanted t’talk”

“I’m not a fan of talking on the phone, makes me anxious but I-I’ll text you sometime if that’d be ok?”

“Yea, that’d be more than ok darlin’”

Joel wasn’t much of a texter but he’d do anything you’d be comfortable with if it meant he’d get to talk to you again.

Y/n: Hey! It’s y/n I saw our favorite band is coming back in a couple months and playing in Dallas!

As soon as you sent the text to Tommy you regret it. What if it came on to strong? what if he thinks I’m asking him to go? Who am I even to think he wants to talk to me?

Your thoughts only spiraled like water going down the drain the more that time passed with out hearing from him.

Tommy: Hey sweetheart! Sorry for the late response, we had a crazy day at work today.

Tommy: shit no way, we should all go, I’ll talk to Joel about it and snag tickets for everyone.

“ oh shit y/n texted me saying the bands coming back in a couple months, playin’ Dallas. We should all go, have a road trip down there.”

“Oh…s’he texted you?”

“Oh shit sorry have ya not heard from her?”

“No, no it’s ok. I’ll go though if she wants to go”

“I’m sure you’ll hear from her Joel, she only texted me about the show”

Joel’s just relaxing or trying to relax, because let’s face it he’s never been very good at just taking a breath and resting without trying to do a 100 other things at once.

He hears his phone vibrate on the night stand, caught off guard by the butterflies he feels before reaching for his phone. He thinks it must be you, Tommy’s downstairs the only other person that would text him.

His smile reaches his eyes before he can even think about stoping it when he sees it is infect you.

Y/A: Hey! It’s y/n. I’m sure Tommy told you I messaged him. Hopefully you don’t think I didn’t want to talk to you, was honestly working up the courage to message you.

Fuck…what the hell am I doing?! Did I just say that.

Y/N: Jesus…I’m so sorry that was awkward haha

God. You were so cute. Joel just found you so endearing as he finds himself completely taken by you.

Joel: Hey darlin. No worries at all. Im happy to hear from ya.

Joel: how’s your night goin? Hopefully it’s treating you well.

Y/N: it’s going good, I’m just curled up in bed watching one of my comfort shows.

You and Joel went back and forth for a couple hours, chatting and unknowingly making each other light up and feel comfortable with each other.

Joel: I don’t want to put any pressure on you so don’t feel like ya have too…but would you want to grab a coffee together tomorrow? That is if ya don’t already have plans.

You’re torn, on one hand you’re overjoyed that he asked you out to coffee and on the other hand you can’t help but feel like he feels like he has too, that you might of come on too strong. But here goes nothing…

Y/N: Sure, that would be really nice. I’d like that.

You hit send before you can think about it too much.

Y/N: if it’s ok could we go later in the day after lunch? It’s less hectic and pretty quiet around then.

Joel doesn’t give why you asked to meet then much thought, because the reason didn’t matter. He wanted to do what ever you were comfortable with and if that’s when you were comfortable going then that’s what he’d do.

Joel: Sure that sounds good to me darlin. I’ll meet you there.

—————————————————————

As you make your walk over to the cafe you can’t help but wonder if this is a joke, if Joel actually wants to hang out? If he asked because he felt like he had too.

You wish you didn’t have to say you used to it but you are. You’re used to people just putting up with you, inviting you some where because they feel obligated too, only hearing from them when they want something from you. The amount of times you misjudged a friendship or relationship was staggering. You had no idea how wrong you were.

The longer Joel sits at the cafe, the more nervous he becomes. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this early or nervous for anything in his life, not even the day Sarah was born. Part of him is worried you won’t come, that he made you feel like you had to say yes. The other part of him is over joyed at the idea that you wanted to come, that you might actually want to spend time with him.

Joel hears the baristas greet someone excitedly. When he hears the voice that greets them back he knows it’s you, your voice already burned into him memory. Your tone is bubbly and happy today, he can hear the smile in you’re voice before he even sees you. When you finally come into view, his heart melts when he sees your smile, your big beautiful smile.

You glance over meeting his gaze, giving him a little wavy and smile as you make you way over to him.

I can’t believe he’s here already and here I was worried about being to early.

Joel hopes you don’t notice the way he wipes his sweaty palms on his pants as he stands to greet you.

“Hey sweetheart good t’see ya”

“You..you actually came. It’s so good to see you too” you say offering him the same smile you walked in with.

“Is it alright t’give ya a hug?”

“Yes of course” you said after hesitating briefly.

Joel wraps you into the most comforting hug you’ve ever had. Coming from someone who doesn’t like to be touched or have people in their personal space abruptly. But there was something different about Joel, something comforting and natural that you couldn’t quiet out your finger on.

Joel pulls away when it sinks in what you said.

“Wait…why wouldn’t I show up?”

You feel embarrassed that you said it out loud, but you also wanted to be honest with him.

“It just wouldn’t be the first time I misjudged someone inviting me somewhere or the first time someone forgot that we had plans.”

“I’m just a lot for most people and it’s ok, I’m used to it”

“You shouldn’t h’ave to be used to that sweetheart but quiet frankly I think your awesome, to awesome to be wantin’ to hang out with me so I thought you might not come.”

You and Joel sit and talk for a couple of hours at the cafe. You talk to him about some of your disorders related to being neurodivergent and about your life before coming to Texas. Joel listens intently, letting you talk freely without interruptions or judgements and doesn’t press for more info than you’re comfortable telling him. The only questions he ask are about things he can do to you help when things get bad or how he could offer support if you needed it. Almost as if he’s saying he wants to spend more time with you with saying it.

Joel tells you more about himself, the contractor business that him and Tommy run and about Sarah, his daughter who he lost a few years ago. Joel is surprised how intently you listen to him, how he has your undivided attention. He’s never had anyone other than Tommy listen to him in that way, free of judgement and full of compassion. Never pressing him to share more than he was comfortable with.

“Hey I-I I don’t if you and Stacey have plans tonight but Tommy and I are gonna have a movie night and get some pizza if you guys would like to come.”

“Oh I think Stacey and Jared are having a date night tonight”

“Well you’re still welcome, we’d love to have you”

“Don’t feel like you have to invite me, I wouldn’t want to impose on your night.”

“Not at all, you could never impose. I’m having a nice time with you and honestly would love to spend more time with you. I know Tommy would love to have you too.”

Joel senses your hesitation, but not because you don’t feel comfortable it’s because your worried you will be in the way, like you’d be intruding where you weren’t wanted.

“As long as it’s ok I would love too, honestly I’d like to spend more time with you too” you say offering a warm smile.

Joel’s hand ghosts over your lower back as you guys leave the cafe. Normally you’d be put off by this or flinch away but something about Joel was immediately comforting.

“Oh I walked here so I just need to go grab my car, we live around the corner”

“If you’re comfortable with it I could drive us and bring you home later.”

“Ok” you say smiling warmly, letting him know your comfortable with that.

“Let me just text Stacey so she’s not freaked out when my cars there but I’m not.” You say as you guys walk to his truck, his hand still lightly on your lower back as you walk.

“ here let me see your phone” he says leaning against his truck.

“I typed my address into your message for her to have, that way you can feel safe knowing she’s knows exactly where you are.” He says handing you back your phone.

His gesture speaks volumes to you, it’s almost as if he can read your mind.

“Thank you….I’ve honestly never had anyone do something like that for me before.”

“Here let me see your phone, I’ll give you her number incase you ever need to get ahold of her.”

“Was gonna ask but I didn’t want you to think I was being weird”

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence as you make your away across town to Joel’s house, truly just enjoying each others company.

When you guys arrive at Joel’s he gets out and runs over to the passenger door opening it for you.

“Tommy! We have company for movie night tonight” Joel calls out as you enter the house.

Joel barely gets the words out before you hear Tommy’s foots steps padding down the hall.

“Hey there sweetheart! Happy to have ya here” Tommy exclaims as he pulls you into a hug, huge smile across is face.

“Now my brothers not given you any trouble is he?” Tommy asks jokingly making the cutest laugh bubble out of you. The sound of it warms Joel’s soul, he’d do anything in his power to hear it again.

Joel sighs “Really Tommy?”

“What? I’m just joking around” he smirks

“No, he’s not, not yet anyways” you chuckle smiling at Joel.

“Here darlin’ come look at the menu, gotta know what you like before we order”

“Oh I’m easy to get a long with. I like cheese, but honestly I’ll be happy with what you guys get, you don’t have to order special stuff for me”

“Nonsense gotta make sure you’re happy too” Joel smiles

Tommy comes back from the other room “alright I placed the order but I ordered a shit ton of food, like probably too much” he says chuckling.

“But I w’anted t’make sure everyone had somethin’ they liked.”

“I can go with you to pick it up, to help you grab it all if you’d like” you offer with a nervous smile. Trying your hardest to be helpful and figure out your place in this dynamic.

You don’t see it but Joel smiles at your gesture, loving your caring nature.

“Sure I’d love that sweetheart, plus I can give you pointers on how to annoy the shit outta my brother”

You catch a glimpse of Joel rolling his eyes.

“O-only if that’s ok with you?” You say nervously.

“Oh darlin’ of course, I wasn’t rolling’ my eyes at you” he says lightly resting his hand on your lower back.

Joel’s eyes are comically large when you and Tommy get back to the house, both with arm fulls of food.

“Jesus you guys leave any food for the rest of the city?”

That laugh Joel loves so much bubbles up out of you again, his heart beating faster the minute he hears it.

“Uh don’t look at me he’s the one that ordered the food” you say pointing at Tommy.

“Don’t look at me, the sweets we’re all her idea” Tommy says as Joel takes the bakery stuff out of the bag.

“I mean the least I could do was buy us desert” you shrug

Joel glanced up at you as he pulls out a second box from the bakery”

“But I-ah might of gotten a little carried away” you laugh at the sheer amount of stuff spread out over the counter.

The three of you all fill up plates with various items and sit down to bond over dinner.

You learn that Tommy is staying with Joel while he works on remolding the house he bought on that weekends.

You all grab your drinks and head to the living room.

“Make your self at home and sit where ever you’d like darlin’” Joel says as he plops down on the couch.

“Do you guys normally have particular places you sit. I-I don’t want to take anyone’s spot”

To Joel you’re so cute and considerate in this moment.

“Nah not really, sit where ever you’re comfortable”

You think for a moment about what do to before you sit next to Joel on the couch.

“I-I it ok to sit here? If you want more space I can sit on the other end.”

“Absolutely it’s ok sweetheart” Joel says with the kindest smile as his big brown eyes meet yours.

“Was hoping you’d feel comfortable sittin’ next to me”

Tommy follows a few beats behind the two of you juggling the bakery treats and his beer before snagging what he wanted and plopped down in the recliner next to the couch.

You and Joel bump hands reaching for the same treat, an over sized chocolate chip cookie loaded with big chocolate chunks.

A nervous giggle escapes you. “ where you going for the giant cookie too?”

“I’ts ok go ahead”

“Oh no it’s ok”

“Really darlin’ I insist”

You grab the cookie breaking it in half.

“Here I’ll split it with you” you say holding out half of it to him.

“Sweetheart you don’t have to do that”

“Really it’s ok, if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t share” you say nervous chuckling.

Fuck. I can’t believe I just told him I liked him. Way to be weird.

Taking the half and laughing Joel retorts “ It’s ok, if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have taken it” as he nudges you with his shoulder.

Joel glances over at you part way through the third movie to see you curled up and passed out on the couch next to him. You look so peaceful and comfortable in this moment that he can’t help but smile fondly at you as he pulls a blanket from the back of the couch over you.

Tommy catches a glimpse of Joel tending to you and he can’t help but smile. It’s been a long time since he’s seen his brother like this, seen this happiness in his eyes and a genuine laugh come out of him. Joel’s been a different person since Sarah passed away, more guarded and closed off. But he sees a small change in him since he met you. He can see Joel starting to peek his head out of the gate to the fortress he’s built around himself with you around.

Joel: Hey. It’s Joel y/n gave me your number incase I ever needed to get ahold of you. Just wanted to let you know she fell asleep during movie night on the couch. I covered up and left a water on the coffee table for her. Just didn’t want you to worry if she didn’t turn up tonight. I’m gonna leave her a note next to her phone on the coffee table so she’s not scared when she wakes up.

Stacey: Thank you for texting me Joel. Because I would have been worried if she just didn’t show up. Thank you for taking care of her. Please never hesitate to reach out if you need me.

Joel: Have a good night sweetheart

Stacey: oh Joel one more thing

Stacey: she doesn’t trust people easily. She also doesn’t just fall asleep just anywhere like this….actually she has a hard time sleeping in general. This means she’s comfortable with/ trusts you. Please don’t take this for granted.

——————————————————————

You wake up to the smell of coffee and the sound of hushed chatter.

“ Jesus Tommy, be quiet your gonna wake her up”

As your sitting up slowly from the unfamiliar couch it hits you. Fuck, you fell asleep at Joel’s.

You notice a note next to your phone

“Don’t be scared, nothing happened. You just fell asleep during the movie so I covered you up and left you be. I’ll make you breakfast in the morning

-Joel

You only have a few moments to enjoy the thought of Joel caring for you before the embarrassment comes crashing down.

You fell asleep on a date, who does that!

And further more there’s actually no way this is a date. Why would this man want to date you?

You get up shoving the note in your pocket, gather your things and slowly and quietly make your way to the kitchen.

Tommy notices you standing awkwardly in the door way when he looks up for pouring his coffee.

“Oh would ya look at who woke up, mornin sweetheart” he says offering you a sweet smile.

Joel turns around from his place at the stove, eyes lighting up when he sees you.

“Morning darlin’ would you like some breakfast or coffee? I just s’tarted cookin’”

“N-no…I should go, it’s ok. Um Tommy c-could you give me a ride home?” You manage to squeak out, your voice sounding almost strained as you fight to hold back the tears trying to breach the dam.

You look away, unable to take the disappointment in Joel’s big brown eyes.

It was only a matter of time before he figured out you were a disappointment anyways.

“Oh um ‘course I can sweetheart no problem. Go ahead, I’ll be right out”

Joel just looks at home, eyes filled with defeat.

“It’s ok brother, I’ll talk to her. I can tell she’s feelin a bit anxious”

“I-I feel so bad, I hope she’s not embarrassed. I was happy to have her here, but I know it’s jarring waking up in someone else’s house”

Tommy finds you sitting in his truck, hunched over with your head on your hands and a small piece of paper in your lap.

“What’s that in your lap?” Tommy asked

You don’t even look up as you had him the small note. Tommy noticed the small wet stains in the note as he takes it from you.

A few beats of silence pass. “ oh sweetheart you y’dont have t’cry, this note is truthful”

“It’s not even that”

“I just want to go home”

“No problem sweetheart…just know you can talk to me bout anything anytime. Joel too.”

The ride across town back to your place is silent, your head rested on the window, blankly staring out. You’re mind feels like a hurricane swirling around, thinking of every situation that could happen from you falling a sleeping, thinking of everything you could of said, should of said. You’re zoned out so much you don’t notice that Tommy has pulled into your drive way. When you stay still and don’t get out Tommy breaks the silence.

“Y’alright sweetheart? Y’want to talk about anything? I’ll sit here all day if I need too.” He says, placing a hand on your shoulder.

You’re silent for a few more beats.

“I really fucked things up. Who falls asleep on a date? And before you say anything, no I don’t really think we were on a date because someone like your brother doesn’t want to date me. I’m just so fucking embarrassed. I might as well just prepare myself now for the fact that I likely won’t see either one of you much after this, before I get attached and think you guys want me around because I have a habit of misreading situations and peoples intentions.” You manage to choke out before the tears start flowing.

You go to open the door but Tommy stops you.

“Aww sweetheart hold on a minute. Breaks my heart seeing you like this and I know it would break Joel’s too.”

“It’s ok, Tommy… I know I’m not for everyone. My disorders drive most people away, I’m pretty used to it at this point in my life.”

“ I understand more than you might think… when I came back from the military, I was much different than when I went in. I have PTSD, my anxiety and depression were at an all time high, I can’t do most loud booming noises and the weirdest things trigger me and I spiral into a flash back. The one person who’s been there for me through it all and never once left my side or complained is Joel. Even when he was going through the most horrific moment of his life when he lost Sarah, he never once wavered in his support when I needed it. Long story short, he’s not put off by you or by you falling asleep or by any of your issues. He thinks your awesome, and so do I. Neither of us are messing with you. And I don’t want to speak for him but I’m pretty sure he was hoping last night was a date” Tommy says nudging you playfully at the last part.

“But seriously sweetheart if you ever need to talk. I’m here for you.”

“Thank you Tommy, truly. That means the world to me. I know I really should be kinder to myself but I’m just used to people being around when they want something or it’s convenient for them.”

“Do you wanna come back to the house with me?”

“I do but will it be weird? Will Joel want me to come back?”

“Sweetheart I’m pretty sure he’d let you stay as long as you were comfortable, but I can text him”

“Ok… I’d like to run inside and get changed if that’s ok?”

“I’ll wait as long as you need”

——————————————————-

Tommy: y/n and I talked for a while, she’s alright. She’s just embarrassed and having some trouble but she’s not freaked out by you at all.

Joel: I feel so bad she feels that way. But I’m glad I didn’t freak her out. She’s such a sweetheart.

Tommy: I offered to bring her back to the house to see you and she seems to want to, she’s just concerned you wouldn’t want her to. She’s just inside changing her clothes, I said I’d text you and give you a heads up.

Joel: if she wants to come back with you please bring her back. I want to see her.

Tommy: don’t tell her I told you but she called last night a date than took it back because she got scared calling it that but I told her you were hoping it was a date so do with that what you’d like.

————————————————————-

Stacey is standing right inside the door peeking out the window, which jumps you as you swing the door open.

“Why’d he bring you home? I though you were going to be hanging out with the other one?”

“Oh…Tommy lives with Joel”

“Wait…are you ok? Have you been crying?” Stacey says concerned as she reaches out grabbing your arm.

“Yea ugh I’m alright, I fell asleep last night during movie night and woke up and was really embarrassed and asked Tommy if he could give me a ride home because I just couldn’t face Joel.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t text you, sorry if I worried you”

“Well I would of been really worried but Joel actually texted me, to let me know you were alright and that you had fallen asleep”

“Wait… he did?”

“He was worried that I’d be worried if you didn’t come home. The dude seems like a stand up guy”

“Wait so why is Tommy still here?”

“Well I had a break down on the way here and him and I had a good talk, he asked if I wanted yo go back to the house with him so I’m going up go back over there and talk to Joel. I just wanted to change.”

—————————————————————-

“Y’know it’s been along time since I’ve seen Joel light up t’way he does when he sees you. Losing Sarah really took a lot outta him, but I see his old self startin’ to come out when he’s around you.”

Tommy says turning to you at the red light.

Tommy sees you smile from the corner of his eye as the light turns green again.

“I-I honestly don’t know what to say to that.. and not in a bad way. I guess I’m just surprised. But honestly there’s just something about your brother, something that I can’t really explain. Sigh. Like I just knew right away that I could trust him, I mean I knew right away I could trust you too. But there’s just something about him that’s calming like I’m relaxed and at ease when I’m around him almost as if he sees me, like really sees me for who I am.”

When you and Tommy pull into the drive way Joel comes right out on to the porch, you can’t help the huge smile that tugs at your lips when you see him. You light up when your close enough for him to see you smiling and offered you a cute wave as Tommy puts the truck in park. Joel comes right down the steps and opens the truck door for you.

“H-hey sweetheart…m’happy you came back”

“Well I’m happy you wanted me to come back”

You barely get the words out of your mouth before Joel’s wrapping you in a tight embrace, you don’t hold back hugging him back just as tightly. It’s hard to tell who needed the hug more, you or him.

“Y’know y’can talk to me bout anything, whatever’s going on at any moment. I’ll never judge you. I want to be there for you.” Joel says just loud enough for you to hear, even though Tommy had already gone inside.

“I know, and I want you to know I do trust you. I just get really in my head sometimes because I’ve thought of every way a situation could go wrong instead of seeing the good, sometimes all I can focus on are the what ifs.”

“I’ll be as patient as you need sweetheart, never feel pressured and if there’s something your more comfortable talking to Tommy about in the moment I know he’d be there for you too.”

All you can do is tilt your head up, your glossy hazel eyes meeting his big brown one. It’s almost as if time stops in this moment. Joel wants to kiss you, my god does he want to kiss you and never let you go. He wants to wash away all your fear and anxiety. To hold you and give you the world.

Tag list:

@kalllistos @justasadbean @bcon24 @its-dee-lovely @fishingforpike @macaroni-artist @gengar-neutral @xybil @morgaussy @sailorsophiee @samarav @dionysusinparis @arlovesper @fandomsohmyohmy @lovelyladiess @lovelyladiess @lovebandrry @joelmillersblog l @pinkbowsandcoffeestains @pascal-is-punk @thatgirlpeaches @alyhull

@fandomwhored @hiddenbabynyc l

@goldenhxurs

#tommy miller #fanfic #the last of us #tommy miller x reader #joel miller #joel tlou #joel miller x reader #soft!joel miller #neurodivergent #joel miller x f!reader

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whatawonderfulexistence--blog · 1 year

Text

My Girl (Fatgum x Fem! Reader) SMUT

This fic was purely self indulgent because I've been going through a lot recently and Fatgum's one of my comfort characters, so, be nice, please.

WARNINGS: MINORS DNI, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, 18+, SMUT, AFAB reader, Fem! Reader, use of she/her pronouns, mentions of body dysmorphia and lack of self esteem, mentions of weight, p in v sex, pussy eating, Dom! Taishiro, being restrained by partner, praise kink, size kink, unprotected sex, other than that just pure fluff (lmk if I missed anything.) Enjoy!

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You paused the work you were doing on your laptop when your phone began buzzing on your nightstand. You looked at the caller ID curiously, it was your boss. He never called you on your day off. You answered the call in a panic, surely something had to be wrong. Fatgum was always trying to ensure you were resting properly. 'You work too hard as it is, sweets. I don't want you to worry about work at home too.' "Hey! You busy today?" Your body instantly relaxed at the sound of his usual jovial tone on the other end of the line.

"Not in the slightest." You set your laptop on your bed next to you, wanting to give him your undivided attention. "Do you need me to come in today?"

"Do you really think I'd ask you to come in on your day off?" You stifled a giggle at his mockingly offended tone. "I was going to do some shopping and stuff around the city today… I would like you to come with me if you can. Maybe I could take you out to dinner while we're out?"

"Are you asking me out on a date?" You could hear his nervous stuttering on the other end of the line.

"I… Um, yeah, I guess I am." He chuckles. "Would you like to go on a date with me?" The words came out slowly, the briefest of pauses between each one as if he was carefully thinking about every syllable that left his lips

"I would love to, Tai." You couldn't keep the beaming smile off your face.

"Great!" His voice flooded with relief. "I'll pick you up in an hour." The two of you exchanged your goodbye's before you hung up to get ready. You had been working with Tai for years now, he was someone you very quickly learned to call a friend. However, throughout your years of working in such close proximity with him you had developed a little crush on the BMI hero. It was nice to see that your feelings weren't one sided, but, you would be lying if you said you weren't still a little nervous. You must have tried on everything in your wardrobe before deciding on an outfit, groaning as nothing fit you exactly how you wanted it to. You knew you shouldn't be putting so much thought into this. You had come such a long way with Taishiro's help, but as you looked at yourself in the mirror you couldn't help but have doubts. Part of the reason you wanted to work under Taishiro in the first place was because of what he stood for. Fatgum made being big something to be proud of. Your squishy tummy and muscular thighs were something to be celebrated, not ridiculed. You put on an outfit you felt confident in, and it helped you feel a bit better. It was funny really, whenever you started to feel negatively about how you looked you would always think back to Tai. Numerous press events, formal dinners, company trips, he was there to build you up whenever your confidence wavered. Now should be no different. Before you realized it an hour had passed, you perked up at the sound of someone gently knocking at your door. There in front of you stood Taishiro in his civilian form, holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. You were a bit shocked when you saw him, you were so used to Fatgum that you had forgotten what he looked like in his civilian form. Loose white Tshirt hanging off his frame, messy blond hair falling perfectly against his forehead, the only thing resembling the hero you knew so well was his unmistakable smile.

"You brought me flowers?" You were in awe that he remembered what your favorites were, something you had only told him once in passing a while ago.

"Pretty flowers for the prettiest girl I know." You inhaled their sweet aroma as you took the bouquet from him, inviting him inside while you looked for a vase to put it in. "Thank you for letting me take you on a date." You gently grabbed his arm, squeezing his bicep with a small smile.

"There isn't anyone I'd rather go on a date with." You notice him blush slightly at your compliment. "I almost didn't recognize you when I opened the door, it's been a long time since I've seen you in civilian form." He looks down at the floor, kicking his toe against the hardwood.

"I figured you'd rather go on a date with Taishiro… not Fatgum." You couldn't help but notice his dejected tone. You take a step closer to him, reaching out and taking his hand in yours.

"Tai, I like you for you, not how fat of skinny you are." Golden eyes finally find yours, smile already returning to his lips. "You make me laugh, you and I could talk about anything for hours and I would never get bored, you give amazing hugs." You giggle and he laughs, thumb languidly running over your knuckles. "Those are the things that made me fall for you, not some silly number. Besides, fat form or not, I think you're incredibly handsome." You let out a flustered giggle at such a direct complement. He pulled you to him, arms wrapping tightly around you as his chin rested in the top of your head.

"Have I ever told you how amazing you are." He squeezes you, earning yet another laugh from your much smaller form. "Let's go have some fun, yeah?" You nod, fingers lacing with his as you leave your apartment building. The two of you made your way to what many considered the shopping district of the city, your eyes wide as you peruzed the window displays of each store. You paused in front of one shop in particular, a sexy little cocktail dress catching your attention. "You'd look great in that darlin'." You jumped slightly at Taishiro's voice right next to your ear. He saw the hesitance in your expression, knowing exactly the thought process you were going through. His hands fell on your waist, a blush immediately erupting on your cheeks. You could feel the heat radiating from his body as he remained just far enough away so as to not have his whole torso pressed against your back. "Why don't you go try it on? I'd like to see it on you." You swallowed thickly, nodding and placing your hands on top of his. He kept an arm securely around you as you headed into the store, Taishiro doing all of the talking so you wouldn't feel pressured. The sales associate inside was more than happy to help. She walked with you to the dressing rooms in the back, Taishiro making himself comfortable on one of the chairs just outside with an excited smile on his face.

"You and your boyfriend are absolutely adorable." She squeals quietly. You thanked her, the self doubt that was still flooding your mind making it hard to focus. She brought you the dress you had your eye on, helping you get zipped up before you returned to the main floor. At the first sight of you Taishiro's jaw dropped. He fumbled with his wallet, pulling out his credit card and passing it off to the sales associate.

"Tai, you really don't have to do that," you hurried over to him. "I'm not even sure if I like it." He stood, taking your hand and bringing you over to the full length mirror by the dressing rooms. He turned you so you could look at yourself, your arms immediately coming up to cross over your torso. You felt so exposed. He ran his hands up and down your sides, over every curve you felt insecure about.

"You look beautiful, sweets." He stooped down to rest his chin on your shoulder. "Is there anything I can do? I want my girl to feel as pretty as I think she looks."

"Your girl, huh?" You saw Taishiro's face flush in the reflection. You looked at yourself in the mirror again, letting your arms fall to the side. Tai's compliment didn't take away your insecurity but it definitely helped dull the sting it left in your chest. "You promise I look okay?"

"You look more than okay darlin'." He hugs you from behind. "You look perfect." The sales associate returns with a bag for your clothes that still remained in the dressing room, Taishiro convincing you to wear the dress out of the store. You tried to argue that it wouldn't go with your sneakers, but he couldn't be swayed. As you walked you reached out for his hand once more, he laced his fingers with yours eagerly. You couldn't remember the last time you had this much fun. The two of you made your way from shop to shop, giddy and laughing the entire way. Taishiro never left your side; whether the two of you were holding hands, he had an arm wrapped around your shoulders, or he was pulling you into a hug, your thoughts didn't have a chance to deviate away from the butterflies he gave you. You sat across from him at a small table in an outdoor noodle shop you had stumbled across as your day wound down. Chin resting in your hands as you watched him carry on a jovial conversation with the shop owner. You had already known, but today really cemented things for you. You were in love with him. "And she'll have the same." He turns to look at you once more with that breathtaking smile. "I hope you don't mind that I ordered for you."

"I trust your judgment on the food here." You giggle. He reaches across the table and takes your hand in his, gently rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

"I really wish today didn't have to end, I've had a really good time with you." His gaze lingered on your lips for just a moment, but it was enough to get you flustered. You thought about kissing this man more often than you would like to admit. Now, with him sitting here in the soft orange lantern light, the warmth of his hand mingling with your own, the thought was beginning to creep its way to the front of your mind yet again. The two of you gradually began to lean closer to each other over the table as you quietly conversed, the background buzz of the other patrons lost to you. You were startled apart by your food arriving at the table. After a delicious meal and fantastic company Taishiro walked you home, cutting through the park to spend just a little more time with him. Your intertwined hands swung between you as your conversation carried on. You both fell silent as you came across a street performer who was playing a soft melody on his guitar. Taishiro paused and looked down at you. "Would you like to dance, darlin'?"

"I would love to." You say quietly. Taishiro wraps an arm around your waist, gazing longingly into your eyes as you swayed with him in the warm night air. Crickets and frogs accompanying the instrumentals as your heart pounded in your chest. "I… really like you Tai." He smiles softly down at you, the hand on your waist giving you a gentle squeeze.

"I really like you too." His voice barely above a whisper as golden eyes remained locked with yours. You noticed him swallow thickly, tongue peeking out to wet his lips before he slowly began to inch his face closer to yours. Your eyes slid shut as his grip on your waist tightened, pulling you flush against him. It was perfect, he was perfect, his lips were hovering over yours when suddenly you were interrupted.

"Hey is that Fatgum?" You both sighed, opening your eyes you were met with the sight of an apologetic smile on his lips as his fans rushed over to him. Being a well known hero like him had its drawbacks sometimes, you had been working with him long enough that privacy could be a luxury. After some casual conversation and photos were taken the two of you continued on your way, eventually arriving at your apartment.

"Sorry bout that." He chuckles bashfully.

"It's really okay, I wouldn't want you to sacrifice your reputation with your fans just for me." You step closer to him, resting your hands on his chest. "Besides… I'm really hoping this isn't the only date we get to go on."

"Oh, don't you worry, sweets, I plan on spoiling my girl every chance I get." Your heart fluttered at him calling you his girl. He pulls you into a tight hug, neither one of you wanting to let go. As you pulled back you placed a soft kiss to his cheek. "Goodnight." He stood in front of you with a bashful expression, rocking slightly on his heels.

"Goodnight, I'll see you tomorrow." You both wave as you close your door. You let out a sigh as you kicked off your shoes, about to head out of your entry way when there was a knock at your door. You opened it to see Taishiro still standing there.

"I'm sorry… I just-" He lets out a frustrated groan as he stutters before pulling you to him. His lips crashed against yours with such passionate ferocity or caused you to stumble back, one of his arms circling around your waist, the other gripping firmly onto the doorframe to keep you both upright. Kissing Taishiro made you feel like you were floating. His lips soft and warm against yours as the entirety of him flooded your senses. The sweet, musky scent of his cologne. His hand gripping your waist as he held you as close to him as he could. His hair soft against your fingers as they tangled into it. It was probably the best kiss you had ever experienced. Your lips trailed after his as he reluctantly pulled back. A warm hand found its way to your face from the doorframe, your head still spinning from the kiss.

You stood there, wide eyed and breathless as you gazed up at him, your body hot with want. "Tai, would you like to come inside?" He responded simply by scooping you up in strong arms, pushing through the half open door and ducking his head under the doorframe as he entered your apartment. The door was closed and your back was pressed against it, Taishiro's size and strength allowing him to move your body around with ease. Your legs wrapped around his torso as he settled himself between your thighs, lips finding yours again with ease as he hungrily captured your lips with his own. A massive hand cups your jaw with an almost shocking delicacy, Taishiro's presence already beginning to overwhelm you in such a short amount of time. His thumb swipes over your cheek as he gazes down at you, his expression a mixture of lust and nerves.

"Are you sure this is okay, sweetheart?" You felt your chest swell at the care he was putting into making sure you were comfortable. You pushed your fingers through his messy blond hair.

"I'm sure." Your voice soft and small as it left you. Despite the fact that Taishiro wanted you more than anything else in the world at the moment, yet still held you so delicately, allowed you to feel safe. You knew the man before you better than anyone, and you were eager to see what kind of mind numbing pleasure he would help you experience. Your hands rest on his chest, he still scanned your features for any sign of apprehension. "I want to experience all of you Taishiro." That was all it took to send him tumbling over the edge. A low growl rumbled in his chest as he attacked your neck, lips leaving a trail of fire across your skin. You couldn't help but gasp at the feeling of his rough, calloused fingers sliding underneath the hem of your dress, successfully hiking the fabric up to your waist with ease.

"Such a pretty little thing you are darlin'." He massaged your thighs, the room filled with the chorus of small gasps and moans that fell effortlessly from your lips as he nipped and sucked dark marks onto your cleavage. "I want everyone to know you're mine after tonight sweets." You let out a surprised yelp as Taishiro dropped to his knees, throwing your legs over his shoulders and bringing him face to face with your already soaked cunt. "You like to be tossed around a little. Don't you, princess?" You bit your lip, your head connecting with the wood behind you with a full thud. Your cheeks burned, embarrassed that he managed to get you turned on so easily. Taishiro chuckles at your expression before placing soft kisses along your thigh. You squirmed in his grasp, his hot breath fanning over your exposed skin. "Be a good girl and sit still for me darlin'." You would have laughed if you weren't in such an exposing predicament. It's not like you had a choice whether or not you would sit still, Tai had his arms snaked around your thighs in a vice grip, you couldn't have escaped even if you wanted to. You whined, fingers tangling in his hair, the pet name turning you on even more. You wanted to be good for him, to have him push you over the edge of your climax over and over again until you went limp. But, even in just your day to day life, Taishiro was a tease; Rolling up his sleeves to show up his muscular forearms and hands as he perched himself just a little too close to you at your desk to read something, he was very good at getting you flustered with the simplest actions. Now was no different. Panties ripped from your body and discarded as he kissed the lower half of your body everywhere besides where you needed him to most.

"Tai," you whine his name, giving his hair a gentle tug, "please." He rested his head against your thigh, looking up at you with a smirk as he noticed just how needy you were for him. He hadn't even touched you yet and you were already coming undone before his eyes. His eyes kept you locked in place, keeping eye contact with you as he finally gave you some relief. You cried out for him, giving his hair another firm tug. You felt him smirk against you at your outburst, satisfied with your reaction. He ate you out like you were his last meal, every movement from his skilled tongue threatening to send your climax crashing over you. Your body moved on its own as you ground your soaked pussy against his face. He hums against you, glad to see you enjoying yourself. You gasped as he slipped a finger inside you, wanting to get you as prepared as possible for later. "Fuck, you're so good at this." You couldn't help but giggle, your head swimming in pure pleasure.

His thumb replaced his tongue against your clit, rubbing circles at a firm, even pace over the already sensitive nub. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself." He chuckles. "Think you can keep up? You're already looking pretty fucked out sweets." You could hear the shit eating grin in his voice, your response cut off with a moan as he slipped another finger inside of you. Your cunt was already stretched around his fingers alone, you couldn't even begin to imagine what his cock would feel like inside of you. You pushed down on his fingers, strangled gasps and moans leaving your shaking frame as he inched you closer to your orgasm. "Are you going to finish for me darlin'?" You nod, biting down on your lip to try and quiet your sounds. "Eyes on me sweets, I want you to look at me while you cum." Your face burned as you locked eyes with him, your head empty aside from any command he gave you. His mouth returns to your sex, assaulting your clit with his tongue before sucking it roughly into his mouth. You screamed his name as you climaxed, your legs shaking, crushing Taishiro's head between them in the process. He places one last kiss on your clit once he finishes with you, causing you to jolt. He helps you down off of his shoulders, arms never ceasing to support you as your feet hit the cold wooden floor. "Where's the bedroom?" You attempted to start walking in its direction, your legs felt like jelly as they struggled to keep you upright. You giggled as he scooped you up in his arms again.

"It's the last door on the left." He carries you through the door, setting you gently on the bed before leaning down to kiss you, the taste of you still on his lips. He tugged at the bottom of your dress, asking your permission to fully remove it. You gave him a nervous nod in response, allowing him to peel the fabric off your body. He took in the full sight of you with a smile, you couldn't help but notice the massive bulge in his pants as he stood in front of you.

"You are so beautiful sweets." He pulled his shirt over his head. Even in his civilian form he still had the soft tummy you loved so much, the softly defined muscles of his arms and chest, he really was flawless. As he stepped out of his pants you realized you were in trouble. Taishiro's impressive length looked like it was enough to rip your small frame in two. He chuckles at the slight fear he saw in your eyes. "Don't worry darlin', I'm gonna take my time getting you ready." He was back on you in an instant, lips finding yours with ease as he carefully laid you back. His massive paw cupped your sex, slowly palming you to help you relax. You whimpered softly, grinding against him to try and get more friction. He chuckles, "not enough sweetheart?" His thumb runs languid circles against the bundle of nerves, still sensitive from your last climax you moan softly into the crook of his neck. Two fingers teased at your entrance before they pushed inside you. The intensity of being so suddenly stretched open caused you to tense, Taishiro stopped the instant he felt it. Soft kisses were placed along your neck and shoulder, "just relax princess, I got you. You doin' alright?" You nod against him, arms holding onto him as tightly as you could manage. Your muscles loosened, allowing him to fully slide his fingers inside you. You feel him start to move slowly inside of you, fingers rapidly being able to slip in and out of you with ease as they become slick with your juices. Your feverish panting and Taishiro's gentle praise broke up the silence. "Such a good girl, you take my fingers so well, sweets, you're doing such a good job." A veil of sweat now covered your skin, every small touch sent a jolt of electricity across your exposed body. Your nails dug into his back as Taishiro added a third finger. You hissed at the slight sting but urged him to keep going, it felt incredible and you didn't want him to stop. The slow thrusting of his fingers began to pick up again, everytime brushing a certain spot inside of you that numbed your mind completely. Your vision went white as your second orgasm hit you, this one even more intense than the first one. You whimpered and squirmed in his grasp. Taishiro looked down at your quivering form with bright eyes as his thumb picked up its pace on your clit.

"Taishiro, fuck!" Your fingers raked down his back, you were sure you had left marks behind but he didn't seem phased in the slightest. A second orgasm crashed into you right after the other one. You bit down on his shoulder to muffle the scream that ripped through you. He gradually slowed his pace, allowing you to come down from your high. You looked down to see his free hand pumping his massive erection. You placed a hand on his chest, letting your head fall back against the mattress as you tried to regain control of your breathing. "Lube… bottom drawer… just give me a second." You giggled through your panting. Taishiro retrieved the bottle, before he had the chance to prepare himself, you decided to help him. You placed a hand on his waist, nudging him in the direction of the bed. He says down without complaint, smirking as he watches you squirt copious amounts of lube into your palm. You gently pushed the head of his cock against your hand, he let out a low groan, his head tilting back slightly as he kept himself propped up on his elbows to watch you.

"Fuck, sweetheart. Your hands feel really good." He smiles, his flushed cheeks and blown out pupils leaving nothing to the imagination about how good you were making him feel. You pumped him slowly, a soft moan escaping his lips whenever your palm dragged over his tip. Now sufficiently lubed up, Taishiro grabbed you by your waist and tossed you onto the mattress, eliciting an excited squeal from you. "You ready darlin'?" You nodded, attempting to let your body relax as much as possible. He ran the tip of his cock along your entrance, the lube making you even more wet than you already were. He slowly eased into you, stopping at any sign of discomfort and allowing you to adjust. You leaned into his touch as he rested a hand on your cheek, groaning as he got as deep inside of you as he possibly could. You whimpered as your walls stretched around his thick length, hiding your face against him as he sat there motionless, allowing you to adjust. "I'm gonna try and move princess, stop me if it's too much." He eases himself out of you and carefully pushes back in. Placing gentle kisses against the side of your face, telling you repeatedly how good you're doing, how incredible you felt around him. Slowly the discomfort dissipated and you were filled with nothing but pure pleasure.

"Faster." You stammer out. Taishiro wasted no time on your request, gradually picking up speed until your screams of pleasure were the only sound that filled the room. He kissed you hard, the ruthless thrusting paired with his lips on yours taking your breath away. You tugged him back by his hair slightly, "I'm gunna-fuck." The words you were trying to get out were cut off by your high pitched whine, your toes curling and head spinning from how good he was making you feel.

"Me too sweetheart." His thrusts were starting to get sloppy, his intensity dropping as he neared his own climax. He quickly pulled out of you, pumping his cock as hot ropes of cum shot all over your stomach and chest. He gave you one more soft kiss l, looking lovingly into your eyes as he gently cupped your face. "How are you feeling, princess?"

You nodded, voice coming out in a horse croak as you spoke, "wonderful." Taishiro chuckles, giving you a quick peck before he stood up.

"I'll be right back, I think I saw your bathroom across the hall right?" You nodded, watching him as he disappeared only to come back a few moments later with a cloth to clean you up with. "Alright sweets, let's get you cleaned up, yeah?" He carefully ran the warm washcloth over your body, being as gentle as he possibly could as he cleaned you up. You hissed as he ran the cloth over your sex, knowing you would be incredibly sore come morning. "Sorry 'bout that sweetheart."

"It's okay, I didn't expect to walk away unscathed." The two of you shared a laugh as he discarded the cloth and crawled into bed next to you, helping you under the covers. He pulled you into his arms, you nuzzled against his chest.

"Do you, um… do you want to make things official?" He asked you nervously. You rest your chin on his chest, gazing up at him with an expression nothing short of pure adoration.

"Tai," he turned his gaze down to look at you as you said his name. "I've had feelings for you for a long time. Today was… perfect. I would go up to the roof and scream that you're my boyfriend right now if my legs would carry me there." He chuckles, running his fingers through your hair.

"Your boyfriend, huh? And you're my girlfriend." He beams down at you, you nod with a giggle. "I'd really like that." You push yourself upwards to kiss him before snuggling into his side. You drifted off in his arms that night, completely content now that he was at your side. You woke up the next morning to the smell of breakfast cooking in the kitchen. You got yourself dressed, stretching as you wandered your way into the kitchen. Taishiro stood there in nothing but his boxers, the sight alone was enough to bring a smile to your face. You hugged him from behind, placing a kiss between his shoulder blades before laying your head against his back. "Mornin' darlin'."

"Morning." You sigh sleepily. You were about to ask him how long he'd been up when there was a frantic knock at the door. Peering out into the hallway you saw Taishiro's two sidekicks standing there with a nervous expression. "Kirishima, Amajiki, what are you two doing here?"

"Fatgum's missing, we've been trying to call him all morning, he never made it to the office-" Kirishima was cut off by their mentor appearing behind you in the doorway. "Oh-"

"I forgot to charge my phone. Smart plan coming to (Y/N)'s though, good job boys." He wraps an arm around your shoulders, the two of them absolutely dumbfounded by what they were seeing. "Come on in, I'm making breakfast."

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

Note

AITA for bad-mouthing my boyfriend’s toxic family?

(🐈‍⬛ For me to recognize my post later)

I (20f) have a boyfriend (21m) who is physically disabled and still currently living at home with his parents for a while as he tries to scrape his savings together to move in with me. This wouldn’t be an issue, if his parents weren’t immensely transphobic (he’s trans) and outright abusive towards him. Despite having an official doctor’s diagnosis for ALL of his issues, both mental and physical, they just?? Like to pretend that he’s completely able-bodied, and that he’s making up his issues “for attention” (<- something that they’ve actually said to him)

My bf isn’t ready to leave the house just yet because he doesn’t want to feel like a burden and wants to be able to support himself without my help, despite my constant offering and support, but this ofc just means that he’s STAYING in that house, and it’s clear that it effects him really negatively. He’s improved a lot since I’ve met him in high school, but him being in that house is just. Awful for his health, his self esteem, literally everything. I guess I understand his reasonings for not leaving (he’s on his parents’ health insurance, his dad’s a vet so he gets a ton of money off his college bill, he’s got a little sister at home that he doesn’t want to leave alone, etc etc), but at the same time, I fucking HATE his parents, more than I’ve ever hated anyone in my life. He’s such an amazing guy, but I’ve seen him reduced to panic attacks just on their words alone, and it’s awful and I hate them.

I’m also very vocal with this hate. I tell him all the time. Whenever he vents to me, or mentions something awful that his parents have/had done in passing, or tries to excuse their behavior, I will tell him point-blank that I hate his parents and that he needs to leave. He gets incredibly upset whenever I say stuff like that, however, and has asked me multiple times to quit it, but it’s just so hard to see him loving them so fiercely when they literally only give him the bare minimum in return.

The reason for this post at all is because I started going off on a tangent about two days ago when he managed to escape (he has to ask for permission every time he wants to go out) to my place to destress and have a small date night, and I specifically asked him how his parents had been treating him recently because he’d been pretty quiet about it. He got really quiet and eventually told me that they keep adding really weird stuff to do for his household responsibilities (ex: dusting the UNDERSIDE of tables??) and that they’re now threatening to take away the things he loves (his phone, his books, his DOOR) if he doesn’t keep up with the new workload, which is especially hard because, again, he’s DISABLED. Well this pissed me off, because they’ve done shit like that in the past and it never ends well for him, and I started talking about how much his parents suck and how I wish he would just leave, and he got really quiet and just said “I think I’m just gonna leave now” and just. Left

In the aftermath, I feel awful about it. We’ve texted a few times since then, and he says that he’s okay and that it was fine, and how he just needs to get over it, but it’s very clear that he’s still upset by it and just trying not to make it a big issue. I know that he hates it when I badmouth his parents, but I genuinely do not know any other way to get it into his head that he needs to leave as soon as possible, if only to save his own health. I love him so so much, we’ve been together since high school, we would die for each other, and we’ve been through so much that not very many couples have had to go through, especially not at our age. I sincerely just want the best for him, and this feels like I could open the topic again and try to make him SEE, but I’m just worried that I might have upset him this time in a way that he might not be able to get over.

Sorry for this getting so long, I just feel very strongly about it and I want to know if I’m the AH here and should lay off, or keep trying to make him see that he just needs to get out as soon as possible. So tumblr, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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uravitypng · 2 years

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𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐒𝐀𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓

kinktober day 4: praise

pairing: eijiro kirishima x chubby reader

word count: 2.0

a/n: this is a day late! super sorry about that anyway have some praise. this is super self indulgent, as a chubby girl myself i just want kirishima to tell me how pretty i am. i've never written for kiri before so i hope i've done him justice. this is reposted and it didn't show up in the tags previously (lets hope it does now) ₊˚✩‧₊˚♡‧₊˚

warnings: insecurities, doubts, fluff, comfort, fingering, oral, body worship, praise (obvs), implied safe word set, established relationship, pro-hero kiri + chubby quirkless reader, smut, 18+, mdni / always check the warnings on my writing !

Summing your boyfriend in one word it would be amazing, he's just so perfect and you think the world of him although sometimes it's hard to imagine he thinks the same of you though.

On good days you know your worth but on the bad days you can't help but think why is he with you, he's a pro hero and you're just you. Your boyfriend is sculptured like the gods, and you're just some quirkless chubby girl, at least in your eyes.

You're home alone again waiting for Ejirou to return from patrols and all you can do is stare at yourself in the mirror. Today is one of the bad days.

You went to UA with Kirishima but you were in the general studies course, you knew of him but he didn't know you, that's until near the end of graduation as you quite literally bumped into each other. It ended up with him catching you before you fell over and at the time you thought it was one of the most embarrassing times of your life but now looking back at it you realise how lucky it was to not look where you were walking.

After you met Ejirou it was only a matter of time before you met his friends, and it was slightly daunting, they were all such big characters and to this day you swear Bakugou didn't like you for a time, maybe he still doesn't it's so hard to tell with him. Kirishima always tells you that he does like you though.

Last night was great, everyone's schedules was clear and no one was on patrol so everyone went to Sero and Kaminari's shared place. One too many drinks later and you couldn't help that your head took a dark turn and even today you haven't left the headspace. Both your boyfriend and his friends are brilliant, and it's hard to think that you're not good enough to be apart of their life.

You were so caught up in your thoughts you hadn't even realised that Ejirou had returned home, walking into the bedroom to find you. You jumped at the sound of the bedroom door creek and you turned to find Kirishima frowning at you.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Kirishima asked, walking up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. He knew what was wrong but he wanted you to say it, he's been with you for years now, he knows how you act when your self esteem goes down.

"I just don't feel good today." There was a pregnant pause as you knew that you had to get out what you were feeling, you took a breath and started explaining how you felt. The whole time you were explaining how you felt, he listened and held you.

Kiri spun you around so you were facing each other and lent down to kiss you, explaining all his love to you in one kiss that deepened with warmth and adoration. After you broke away from the kiss to breathe, you realised that Kirishima still hasn't had a shower.

"You should really take a shower Kiri."

"Nah, I'll have one later." He grins before picking you up and lifting you onto the bed.

Your lips slightly turn down you say "E you shouldn't do that I'm heavy, put me down."

"Babe I'm literally a pro hero, I can always carry you." Kirishima replies as he throws you down onto the bed and you can't help but giggle when you bounce a bit afterwards. He quickly takes of his hero gear and joins you on the bed. Every time you see Kiri undressed you can't help but stare in awe of him, how absolutely stunning he is. Kirishima can't help but do the same of course, to him you're the most beautiful girl he's ever laid his eyes upon.

What he didn't realise is that he said out loud until a couple seconds after, it's so hard for him to keep his thoughts in his head when it comes to you. "I love you so much, fuck. With all my heart sweetheart," Kirishima says while staring into your eyes. It leaves you speechless as you hear his conviction and admiration. "Can I take this off babe?" He says gesturing to your clothes. You haven't found your voice yet, you do enthusiastically nod and Kirishima matches your enthusiastically with a huge grin on his face, taking off your clothes.

Kirishima soaks you up, its truly not his fault he thinks the world of you and to him you're his world. Kirishima wants to assure how much he loves you, he wants to show you how pretty you are, he wants to worship you, his goddess.

Ejiriou starts kissing your soft jaw making his way down your neck, if you think you lost your voice earlier then you don't even think you can form words now. You're on cloud nine, basking in the affection that the love of your life gives to you.

Kirishima runs his tongue further along your neck all the way down, where he marks you up with a love bite as a reminder to anyone that sees that you are his. Then he starts to move to the side to kiss your arms and running his hands up and down your wrists. Panic starts filling your body because your arms are too big and he's not going to like it. In reality that will never happen and deep down you know that, Kiri has seen your body thousands of times now and all he's ever done is tell you how pretty you are but you can't help that nagging feeling.

Your breathing becomes irregular and you get more and more worried, your boyfriend realises straights away and stops immediately with a worried look on his face. "Baby, what's wrong? Talk to me. Is this too much? Do you want to stop?" next comes the waterworks as everyday Kirishima shows you how perfect he is, how blessed you are to have him, although you feel like you don't deserve it.

Kirishima starts getting more and more concerned as he hugs you and holds you close, "I just don't feel pretty E, I'm not as pretty as you and everyone," you manage to say between sniffles.

He keeps his arms around you but turns to face, wiping the tears off your face and kissing you all over your face, making you smile. "Don't say things like that, sweetheart, you are so much prettier than everyone in the entire world. All through out history. I love you so much- to your chubby checks and your plump arms and how cute your tummy is! It's so soft and squishy just like the rest of you, and god damn your legs and your thighs they're so lovely and like woah! Just like the rest of you. Baby I could go on forever talking about how adorable I find you, how much I love you, how attractive you are and I will if that's what you want babe, but personally I think it would be better to show you all that, yeah?"

Gaping like a fish, you're flustered and warm all over, shocked by Kiri's rambling. You absolutely want Kiri to show you.

Kirishima waits looking at you, you realise he wants your consent, "yes please." He smiles at you as he kisses your forehead then pulls up your hands above your head, clasping your wrists, not enough to hurt or even to completely immobilise you but enough to make sure you won't move away from his touch, with his other hand he holds onto your waist. The doubt starts forming in your mind again, your waist is too big and your wrists aren't small like other girls. Kirishima kisses you it's engulfing, it's taking over your senses are all you can think about is him. By the time he pulls away from you, you're dizzy and giddy, nothing on your mind apart from Ejirou.

You're finding it hard to think and then Kirishima starts kissing you again. He's putting his mouth all over your chest, slowly becoming more and more needy, you just want him to do something. It's as if he's read your mind as straight after he starts circling one of your nipples, hardly putting any pressure or force at all behind his movements, making you wriggle, trying to get more stimulation. Leaning down he captures your other nipple in your mouth and sucks hard. The difference of actions make you groan loudly, Kirishima still tugging around you and softly biting your nipple, you're still groaning.

"You make such beautiful noises for me sweetheart." He looks up at you. Kirishima starts kissing further down, reaching your tummy. You're so euphoric still buzzing that you don't realise until he starts talking again, "so fucking sexy sweetheart, I don't want to hear you talking bad about yourself. Everything about you is beautiful." He's kissing your stomach and still holding onto your wrists to make sure you don't push him away, he knows that you would be vocal and tell him if you did want him to stop.

Kirishima reaches down to your hip and bites hard, making you squeak, quickly soothing the mark by leaving a hickey over it. He starts littering your entire hip with hickies and running his hands all over you, just grabbing onto whatever he can get a hold of. Kirishima would like to think he has restraint but he's getting so needy, he's had no simulation and he hasn't been touched at all. He doesn't know for how much longer he will be able to hold out until he needs you.

Ejirou bites your thigh, much more softer than your hip knowing your thighs are sensitive and he places small kisses and bites all over your thighs. He can feel your heat from where he is. He can't help but hump onto the bed, trying to get any friction he can, you're so wet, you look absolutely divine. Without any warning his mouth is around your clit, slowly sucking it in a similar way to earlier. With his mouth latched on your clit, he thrusts two fingers into you, curling until he hit that special spot. Your orgasm was building up fast as Kirishima keeps a steady pace. Your thighs were squeezing around him, Kirishima thought if he were to die this way than so be it, there is nothing better than having your soft thighs wrapped around his head, especially while he's going down on you. He could feel you clenching, "you feel so good beautiful." He mumbles while still having his lips on your cunt, soon after the tightly wound coils in you core snapped.

Your body is shock as you orgasmed with Ejirou holding onto you tightly, all that came out of your mouth was broken gasps and mumbles of his name. After you come down you look up to he Kirishima with two fingers in his mouth, "you taste so fucking good sweetheart."

"Ei! Don't say things like that!" Your raised voice trails off to a mumble, he laughs as he says he just telling the truth.

He pulls himself up to the back of the bed and wraps his arms around you. Kirishima kisses your neck and tells you that you're beautiful. "My gorgeous, gorgeous goddess of a girlfriend. and all mine" He whispers to you. You close your eyes and you think about how much you both love each other. He loves you just as much as you love him. You close your eyes and bury your head against his chest, smiling. Kirishima will have to have a shower later.

#bnha x reader smut #kirishima x reader smut #bnha x chubby reader #bnha x chubby reader smut #bnha smut #eijiro kirishima x reader #kirishima x chubby reader #kirishima x chubby reader smut #bnha x reader #mha x reader smut #kinktober 2022 #♡ mine / kinktober #♡ mine / writing #chubby reader smut #♡ kiri

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deathmetalunicorn1 · 11 months

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Hello, would it be okay if I request Ares with F!Tanjiro Reader, who sees Ares very uncomfortable in Apollo’s hold, runs over and headbutts him and yells in anger that he should respect Ares’ space! (And to put some clothes on, calling Apollo a ‘Pervert’ with her disgusted face)

Cue Ares crying in awe over how lucky he is to have a very understanding partner like Reader about his sensitivities and more emotional personality compared to most gods (Reader is right next to him hugging and patting his shoulder telling him “There, there, it’s okay”)

Ares loves how supportive she is, yet isn’t afraid to defend him (But in a respectable way), if someone were to insult/mock him (She’ll admit he has his flaws, but that’s what makes him ‘charming’, and will praise him for his strengths) she’s also supportive of his hobbies, goals and thinking (Her compliments and encouragement help his self-esteem as he’s trying to not ugly cry over how lucky he is to have her as his partner)

I will never forgive Apollo for making Ares uncomfortable! (Cue me wearing Haganezuka’s Ushi no toki mairi)

-You had been invited by Ares, you and Nezuko both, for a day out at Apollo’s spa, a place filled with both natural and man-made hot springs.

-You knew that Ares didn’t really care for Apollo himself, but his hot springs were another story, as many of them had healing capabilities, able to soothe aching muscles more quickly than normal hot springs.

-You had been working hard and Ares wanted to do something nice for you and when you read his invitation to a hot spring spa, you immediately accepted!

-When you arrived you were in awe, looking around like a child, eyes wide and a huge smile on your face, the architecture was so beautiful and unique!!

-You looked around for Ares, trying to find him before Nezuko tugged your hand, calling out from behind her mouthpiece and you followed her finger and your eyes went wide.

-At a large hot spring you saw Ares and another man, shorter and attractive in his own right, but was bothering Ares, holding him from behind, flirting up at him to join him in his own hot spring.

-You immediately ran over and leapt up, “Get your hands off Ares!!” Apollo looked up and you stunned everyone when your hard ass head slammed down onto his own, slamming him down in the ground.

-Ares was stunned before he was quick to scoop you up, “Y/N! Are you all right?!” Apollo was the one twitching on the ground, looking up in shock once he was able to move, stunned that his ‘friend’ was more worried about his attacker than him!

-You were cupping his cheeks, as you were sitting on one of his arms, your eyes soft with concern, “Are you okay Ares? You looked so uncomfortable- did he hurt you?”

-Your concern had Ares quickly on his knees, letting you go, an arm over his eyes as he sobbed comically on how pure hearted you were as Nezuko came over while you were patting his head, silently comforting him.

-Apollo stood and you instantly put your hands over your sister’s eyes, blushing bright red, “Cover up you pervert!!” seeing you so shy, even after taking him down, stunned Apollo, you were a warrior but also a pure maiden!

-Such a beautiful combination!!

-Ares was quick to herd the two of you away from Apollo, going to the private hot spring he had booked, and Apollo couldn’t help but chuckle, stepping back into his own hot spring, “Ahh youth, it’s so nice to see him with someone who loves my dear Ares as he is.”

-That was something Ares loved about you, you loved him as he was, you didn’t want him to change, or hide his ‘weaker’ emotions, you wanted him to be true to himself.

-Your kindness and support, cheering him on with whatever he does, always made him melt, he couldn’t believe he had gotten so lucky to get someone as perfect as you.

-He smiled fondly, watching you smiling at Nezuko who was swimming in the hot spring, making you giggle softly, as he enjoyed this quiet moment with you.

#record of ragnarok #ror x reader #ror ares #ror apollo

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eddiessluttywaist · 1 year

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desiderium

an eddie munson series

AGELESS/BLANK/UNDER 18 BLOGS ARE NOT WELCOME TO INTERACT. PLEASE RESPECT MY RULES AND BOUNDARIES.

summary: eddie’s odd, forgotten childhood friend seeks him out when he needs her more than he realizes.

pairing: bsf!mechanic!bartender!eddie x eccentric!bsf!fem!reader

word count: 7,547 words

content/warnings: eventual smut so MDNI, unhealthy eating habits depicted (eddie accidentally forgets to eat), fluff, swearing, feeling unwanted, mentions of bullying/being publicly humiliated, low self esteem, anxiety, mentions of embarrassment, mention of an involuntary erection in adolescence lol, very brief mention of drugs, really awful & embarrassing awkwardness at the end i’m so sorry i had to. i think that’s it!

a/n: creds to whoever owns and posted those ^ photos! they’re not mine, i just made the collage!

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5

You reveled in the juvenile glory that was giving Eddie a hard time, especially since it had been so long since you’ve had the chance to.

You were grateful for the opportunity to settle back into one another even if it was by acting like complete children. Part of you even felt like these moments were exactly what you had hoped for, except that there was something off. Something still polite and unsure to your interactions. It made sense since it had been so long, but it was still odd. This touch of distance to all of it was incredibly foreign when you considered the way things had always been between you and him.

In that small market, you realized so much of Eddie was exactly how you remembered. And as much as you wanted to cling to him to appease your instinctive fear of losing him again, you both had to part ways so you could put away groceries.

Far less of the asshole you met on Thursday, he was more than willing to give you his phone number when you admitted you wanted to keep talking. You were embarrassed to tell him, especially since you didn’t want to scare him off with the strong attachment you still had (which you worried he wouldn’t match), but he didn’t even think about it. There was no judgmental glance or snicker under his breath. Only an “oh, yeah, of course” and then patting at his pockets to see if he had anything on him to write with.

“I feel like I still know you, but not really. It’s weird to think about everything I missed out on,” you admitted over the motel landline. “D’you think you’re the same Eddie as 11 year old Eddie?”

“Probably not,” he confessed in a sigh. “You the same as 10 year old you?”

You paused for a moment, even if it wasn’t necessary. Of course you weren’t the same. Not wholly.

“No, I suppose not…,” you trailed off before speaking up again, your finger twirling the phone cord around. “Do you think we’ll still be best friends? Or is this all too strange?”

“I don’t think I have a choice. You’re clearly obsessed.”

“Screw off,” you giggled, feeling your cheeks grow rosy.

“Well maybe…,” he exhaled, taking a moment to think before he continued to answer your question genuinely this time. You could hear him shifting in his spot, probably to be more comfortable. “Maybe a bit awkward. Why? Regretting coming here already?”

“No,” you shook your head as if he could see you and you rubbed the heel of your foot forward on the bedding to get your sock back into place after it had shifted. “Maybe we just need to catch up. Fill each other in on all the stuff we missed out on. Then it’ll be like there was no gap.”

There was some silence on his end, except for the faint sound of his breathing. Then there was suddenly movement again as his hair brushed against the phone and he yawned out his reply.

“That’s fair.”

“… Do you think I could see you tomorrow?”

“Mm, well I work until 5 tomorrow but we could do something after.”

“Are you sure? I don’t wanna bug you,” you spoke softly as if you were a teenager sneaking phone calls far too late. “I’m sure I’m annoying you, but I just… I don’t know… just wanna reconnect.”

Silence. You swallowed nervously, phone pressed between your ear and shoulder while you toyed with your hands.

“Y’know?”

Still nothing. Were you being as obnoxious as you feared? Were you being too excessive about all of this? Why wasn’t he answering you? Was he not as interested as you were in rekindling your friendship?

“Eddie?” You asked now, but it was just his breathing.

You were worried he was getting annoyed with you or maybe even trying to upset you by not responding, until you heard a light snore.

Eddie’s exhaustion was getting so bad that it seemed to be ingraining itself into his body. Digging into his bones, stiffening his muscles and joints, digging a void in his torso. He swore he could feel it slowly melting his brain that craved its necessary reprieve. He was starting to worry he was going to drift off while driving or something worse—if there was something worse than that.

He must’ve gone just long enough without any decent rest because he didn’t even remember dozing off. Usually with an adequate sleep schedule, he could remember approximately when he started to slip into unconsciousness, but not this time. He was on the phone one moment, and then he was suddenly waking up the next morning.

He blinked the sleep from his eyes, adjusting to the light coming in through his window, and grunting lowly over the aching in his neck. He had fallen asleep sitting up in bed with his back against the wall, and gradually slid down throughout the night. It left his back and neck at an awkward bend for far too long and he was already feeling the effects. Straightening out his posture, Eddie stretched and rubbed at the back of his neck while different pops and creaks sounded throughout his body. As he shifted in his spot, he heard something drop off of the bed and onto the floor with a clatter. Brows furrowed and lips in an interested pout, he glanced past the edge of the mattress to see his telephone hanging down from its bouncing cord.

“Fuck…,” he muttered and scooped the receiver back up.

“Hey- Hello?” he started asking until he heard the incessant beeping coming from the phone.

Shit. He completely fell asleep on you. This wasn’t exactly helping his case right now. Once the phone was back on its cradle, he let out another grumbling sound while he rubbed his hands over his face. Arms dropping back down, he let out a small puff of air and glanced at the clock. Once and then a second time in panic.

“Shit!” Eddie gasped, launching out of bed. He was supposed to be at work two hours ago. He didn’t couldn’t bother with putting together something to eat, only sparing the time he had to hop around his bedroom as he pulled on his clothes and shoved his socked feet into his boots.

“I’m so sorry, I slept through my alarm. I swear that this-”

“Yeah, really missing out on all the action,” Mr. Thacher grumbled with a small smirk as he gestured his hand outwards to display the empty waiting room. “Don’t worry, kid, shit happens.”

“Eloquent as ever,” Lin commented on his response, giving Eddie a toothy grin as he rushed over to punch his time card. He could see her usual neon green mint gum just barely poking out from between her teeth. Mr. Thacher quietly grunted in response to her remark, continuing to flip through an auto parts catalog.

“‘D you talk to that girl that came by? What was that bracelet about?”

Eddie had been so frazzled by waking up late, that he stumbled over the mention of you. Although to be fair, he probably would’ve still stumbled even if he wasn’t mixed up from all the rushing.

“Oh— I—” he stuttered, his mind struggling to play catch up and reply to her while simultaneously attempting to remember what he needed to get done today. The Ford was already back to that snippy woman, one car he couldn’t even work on until a part came in—he guessed he was stuck with whatever else was left in the garage. What even was there?

He rubbed at his forehead as if the contact to the spot would get his brain to work. “Yeah--”

“A girl, huh?” Thacher grinned, the topic pulling his gaze up from the catalog.

“Seemed real strange, but sweet. Very mousy,” Linda whispered as if she was being secretive. As if Eddie couldn’t hear her.

“Just a friend of mine from when I was a kid,” he explained in hopes of avoiding any teasing or toying of any sorts, then went to the garage.

“Ahh, just a friend,” Mr. Thacher murmured at the clarification, sharing a knowing smile with the receptionist as Eddie escaped to the back.

Eddie could remember how Wayne teased him when he said the same thing about Chrissy. Just a friend. Just some girl who was actually nice to him. Just this, just that. Someone older than him acting like they knew everything before he did, particularly in the world of romance—which he was horribly out of touch with—always left him flustered.

Yes, he was aware he was the undateable town freak but he didn’t need to be reminded through the excessive attention to anything that could be a shocking turn of events in his love life. It emphasized how rare it was for someone to be interested in him. It was also irritating because it was bound to leave him even more humiliated in the long run. Whenever people around him made a big deal about someone he liked, it only made it all that more disheartening to have to beg them to stop bringing it up because shocker—it didn’t work out.

Not to mention, it was turning out to be a particularly touchy subject when it came to you. You were actually just a friend for nearly the entirety of his childhood; so Thacher and Lin viewing you as someone he was crushing on made him feel like a lone ant under their magnifying glass, and they were ignorant to just how badly they were burning him up. Especially now that he’s painfully aware of your existence as a grown woman and even more painfully aware of how easily he could fall into a devastating crush for you like some teenager. Sure, in a childish diary entry you once talked about him being your first kiss on your 10th birthday, but did that mean anything? No. You were young and wanted to get a milestone out of the way. You could never feel something beyond platonic bond with him. He could tell.

Now trying to focus on work, he was distracted by how ruffled he felt from being forced to think of you romantically or... Ugh, why was that suddenly so awkward? Romance. Physical attraction: Not a big deal. He’s an adult and capable of discussing such matters, but clearly not when it comes to you. He felt his stomach flip flop and his face get all red, which he hoped was hidden well by the hood of the car he was currently inspecting. You are so grown up now. Well, of course you were and of course he was too. You were both in your mid-20s, and it wasn’t like you saw one another’s transitions from childhood to adolescence to young adulthood. You were an obnoxious young girl with pigtails one day, and now suddenly a young woman who made him anxious. If he didn’t know your heart, he would’ve been sure you were the kind of girl to avoid him. The kind to not give him a second glance—maybe not even a first glance.

When he was a kid you were just… you. Critter. That annoying little shit who he spent nearly every second with. Now you’re you, Critter, and that beautiful newcomer who showed a daunting amount of interest in him. What if you realized he wasn’t worth your time? That he didn’t hold up to any standards he may have set once upon a time? He didn’t want his worries to get in the way, but he was sure they already have in some way. It’s just that you’re here so suddenly and so… pretty (ugh, he felt like a stupid teenager thinking like this) and he could barely string a decent sentence together on a regular basis let alone with someone like you staring at him or waiting on the other end of the call.

Oh god that call. Remembering that beeping phone hanging on its curling cord made him want to kneel down and let the hood of the car slam down on his head. At what point did he fall asleep? And were you upset with him? As if he didn’t already need to prove himself after his little episode on Thursday, now he had this to make up for too.

Great. Just great.

“Uh… I don’t know. I usually only hire locals. They already know everyone and know how things run around here.”

Your eyes grew a little sad at the response the man behind the bar gave you as he wiped at his hands with a towel. Unlike Eddie’s work towel, this one actually looked like it did its job. This was a rejection, wasn’t it? Or maybe just an opportunity. Usually. He said usually.

“I’m staying in Hawkins. I- I’ll get to know everyone, and I promise I’ll work hard. I waited tables at a diner back home for a really long time, I promise I know what I’m doing,” You thought you sounded confident, but maybe you were just begging. The middle aged man eyed you for a moment, considering you before speaking up again.

“Well, there’s a difference between a diner and a bar. Some of these men are downright sloppy.”

“If you mean they’ll grope me because they’ve been drinking, I can assure you I’ve been grabbed at plenty by someone sipping their first coffee of the morning. I can handle it.”

He hummed in thought, and maybe he was amused by your response. Maybe he couldn’t care less, but you were hanging on every word.

“Just to be clear… that’s not to say me, my boys, and Sandra won’t back you up if someone tries to bother you,” He jerked his thumb back to drag your attention to the woman who was roughly around the same age as him. You assumed they were married, and their sons worked for them. Did he say he only hires locals or family?

“I only want to warn you in case it’s too upsettin’.“

“So does that mean I have the job?” You grinned, hand still clutching that strip of paper with contact information from their “HELP WANTED” sign.

He wanted to warn you. There was something worth warning you about, something worth possibly backing you up about. That meant you’d be here. He sighed, and tossed his towel onto his shoulder.

“It means you get a chance. And don’t get cocky on me, alright? I’ve seen enough people swear up and down about their experience and then try to show off how much they can carry or memorize. It jus’ ends up costing me an arm and a leg with all the shit they screw up.”

“No games. I promise,” You nod your head firmly with all the respect of a soldier acknowledging their commander.

“Hm. Can you start tomorrow night?“

“Absolutely! Thank you so much, Mr.Smith,” You chirped from the other side of the bar, slipping off of your seat while he huffed out a snort.

“Just call me Ron, alright? Don’t have to be so formal.”

You might’ve been too cheery about a crummy waitressing job at a crummy bar in a crummy town, but this had you feeling that maybe your luck was finally turning up. You needed a job and while driving around in hopes of a “HELP WANTED” sign, you actually got one. And you were already getting the job. Well, a chance.

You were getting a chance.

“I have a job!” You announced with your arms raised up in joy, returning to the motel late that afternoon.

“Alright!” Martha grinned from behind her newspaper which she was folding up now at your appearance. “Look at you. Settling in already.”

“Well, I have a chance. He said a chance. But it’s something, and I really hope I prove myself to him.”

“I’m sure you’ll do great, dear. You’re gonna wow ‘em, get that job, and find a nice place.”

“I already have a nice place,” You pout now, folding your arms on the ledge in front of her usual spot and place your chin on top of them.

“This is just some crappy motel,” Martha reassured you with an amused huff and a gesture of her hand. “You deserve better. Not to mention, you can’t stay here forever—as much as I’d love to have you.”

“Are you breaking up with me? Kicking me out?”

Martha rolled her eyes and snickered, making your lips turn up into a smile.

“I want you to have a nice apartment you can call your own.”

“Hm,” you hum in consideration. “We’ll have to set days to spend together. Hey, maybe we can have breakfast every Sunday at Benny’s!”

“I’d like that,” she grinned up at you kindly, until her eyes were suddenly glittering with mischief as she parted her lips to speak up again. “Now about that boy…”

You groan with all the dramatics of a gaggle of teenagers and abandon your place at the front desk. You briefly walk away from your spot before begrudgingly circling back.

“I’m just saying you were awfully smiley when you got back from the store.”

“Yeah, with your nasty sardines,” You deflect and follow it up with a gag.

A playful pout comes to your lips at the look she gives you—an expression that could’ve said plenty of things, but you knew translated to “stop avoiding the subject.”

“We… talked,” you shrugged, gaze flitting to the ground as you fight against every muscle in your face desperately trying for a smile. “That’s all.”

“Ah, I see…,” Martha took off her glasses to clean the lenses with the edge of her shirt. “Was he good to you?”

“Yeah. He felt bad that he didn’t know it was me ‘n all that,” You murmured and glanced over at that daddy long legs that was nestled in its respective corner, tilting your head to regard it for a moment.

“Well that’s good,” She hummed and placed her glasses back on her face. “Is he handsome?”

You rolled your eyes so hard, you probably could’ve triggered a headache. Your only verbal response is another groan as you turn on your heel and head down the hall.

“What? Oh, it’s an innocent question!” Martha laughed, and you huff out a playful scoff on your way to your room.

You tried to not let last night dwindle your confidence. At first, your mind shot right to its typical worst case scenarios—you’re boring. You bore him now. That’s why he fell asleep. He couldn’t be bothered. That’s why he fell asleep. You’re so annoying he was looking for an escape—that one seemed like a stretch until you thought. But what if he was just pretending so you’d hang up already and stop bothering him? You sat with that one for a while, but then decided he wouldn’t do that… right? If you were already annoying him that much then he wouldn’t have even given you his number.

Then there was your sickeningly sweet side. The part of you so ungodly saccharine that it didn’t just put the world through a rose tinted lens—it was golden like honey and saturated with radiant sunshine and men who don’t disappoint. The latter should’ve been enough to take you out of it—too fictitious—but you holed up there sometimes. Not as much as you used to because when you never left it that was always a sign of trouble, but it was a nice retreat from your constant anxieties. On this side, he fell asleep because he was comfortable. You hadn’t seen him in over ten years, and still managed to make him feel safe enough to sleep in your presence—even if it was just through a phone.

Or he was just tired enough that he knocked out, which meant he could still be indifferent to you. This jostled your inner paradise and made your brows frown when it passed through. You shake your head as if to wipe the slate clean when you finally realize just how long you had been in your own head and glance at the clock. It was a little after 5 PM. He said he would be out by now, but you hadn’t been able to secure anything before he was snoring on the other line.

Should you still stop by the shop? You two hadn’t decided on if you would be going there, or if you’d meet up somewhere else. Fighting your urges that could easily be considered an instinct to smother him, you stay put at the motel. Instead of thinking about Eddie, you think about your chance at a job. You hadn’t worked at that diner back home in the past year—maybe year and a half—and now you were ruminating over every little detail of working there. You were continuously reassuring yourself that you remembered how to serve people in a small town as you dug through your bags to find something to wear.

Oh crap, you forgot to ask if there was a dress code.

You tried to think of what Ron was wearing at the bar. Flannel. Definitely a flannel. You never saw what pants he was wearing, but you at least had that. Figuring you’ll play it safe, you pull out your nice jeans. They were particularly stiff and you would have to lay on the bed to button them, but you had to look your best. You’ll pair them with a clean black top and comfortable shoes, and just hope they give you an apron.

Despite Thacher’s insistence that he go home, Eddie stayed longer at the shop than he usually did on Wednesdays since he came in late. One would think finally sleeping would be rejuvenating, and it was to a certain degree, but it also left him incredibly groggy. His body felt drunk on the sudden abundance of rest, and he almost didn’t know what to do with himself. He just prayed he would sleep tonight too.

No one came in around close, but he could focus on fixing what was already in the back—not including the car that he was still waiting on a part for. It wasn’t until he felt like he was going to keel over from the gut pain that he realized he hadn’t eaten all day. The few cups of coffee he had felt like they were slowly eroding his stomach as it begged for a decent meal. He made his way to the small break room and scoured the cabinets to find a Chinese food menu, a tub of Folgers, a forgotten can of Sanka (cause really, who was drinking decaf at work?), filters, an array of plastic cutlery, napkins, a ramen seasoning packet and aha—a packet of instant oatmeal.

Tearing the paper with his teeth, Eddie reached for his usual mug to dump the oats into before adding water. He watched the cup turning in the buzzing microwave with a sigh of relief as the scent of cinnamon began filling the air, all while he rubbed at his neck and stretched his still aching back. He waited until the very last second to smash his knuckles against the button to successfully open the microwave door right before it could beep at him.

“Ow ow ow--” he hissed around his first bite, which was visibly steaming, but he was too hungry to care as it burned away at his mouth.

“You know I think that has been in the cabinet since ‘86,” Linda commented as he made his way towards the front, picking up on the scent of instant oatmeal before she could even turn her head to confirm that was what he was eating.

“Well right now, it’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted,” He grinned a closed mouth smile around his boiling hot snack and then shoveled in another scoop just to keep huffing and puffing from how hot it was.

“You can let it cool, y’know. It’s not gonna run away from you,” She snickered as she organized her desk.

Eddie lifted his plastic spoon to show off the sludge that slowly slid down and plopped back into the mug.

“Sure about that? This doesn’t look like something that could come to life?”

“Don’t play with your food,” She chastised gently with a tilt of her head, making him laugh.

“Yes, mother,” He snickered and she joined in, but the sentiment wasn’t entirely a joke.

She had become somewhat of a mother figure for Eddie since he first started here at 16. She defended him whenever the opportunity arose and she kept an eye on his interactions with others, always hoping for some happiness to come around for him. Sometimes she was concerned that maybe he wouldn’t treat a girl right—take advantage like a lot of men do—but she was usually only concerned about him. He was the one that got hurt nearly every time, excluding that recent one he made cry.

“So a childhood friend, huh?” She suddenly asked, despite him not being aware of her thoughts turning from the topic of old oatmeal to you.

Eddie’s eyes were so childish and round as he glanced over at her, it was almost cartoonish in the way that they glittered. He was softer talking about you now that it was only Lin, even if he still felt somewhat irritable from being pestered about you.

“Yeah, she uh…,” Eddie swallowed, setting his mug down on that awkward half wall around her desk and started picking at his nails. “She’s from Ohio. When I still lived with my dad.”

“Ahh…,” Linda raised her brows, but backed off a little. She knew his dad was a sensitive topic. She clicked her tongue thoughtfully. “Well that’s sweet of her to come here to see you, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Eddie laughed sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck again. “It’s a little weird.”

“Do you not want her here?”

“No—god, no, I mean yes. No I don’t… not want her here.”

“Mkay,” Linda hummed, having a hard time not smiling over his blushing cheeks.

“I just mean I haven’t seen her in so long, so it’s shocking, y’know? The last time I saw her she was 9. Well, she’d insist she was practically 10 since it was so close to her birthday-” Eddie rambled out that last part, rolling his eyes a little and flapping his hands out over the recent memory of your insistence that you had been 10. He let out a huff of air, then toyed with a strand of his hair to pull in front of his face as he shifted in his spot.

“But uh… yeah.”

Linda eyed him for a moment, until it all clicked into place for her. Oh he’s so cute.

“Aw, it’s strange for you to see her all grown and womanly,” She cooed.

Eddie’s face twisted as he dropped his hair from between his fingers, and might as well have gagged.

“Oh, god— do not call her womanly.”

“But it’s true! You knew her as a young girl and now she’s blossomed into a woman. Oh, Eddie-”

“Ugh, shit, I should’ve left at 5 when Thach offered,” Eddie grumbled, twisting around to bring the empty mug back into the break room.

“Just because she’s finally developed her breasts doesn’t mean she can’t be your friend anymore, dear!” Linda called after him in a manner that sounded sincere, but he could hear the edge of humor in her tone.

He grumbled to himself, trying to ignore how hot his face and ears felt. He was 25 years old. He shouldn’t have to feel this way. Part of him wished it was coming from a familial standpoint of Oh my gosh look at you, you’re all grown up, I can’t believe it! But no. No this was coming from the place of his inner adolescent self tripping up because the change in your appearance was so drastic. For all intents and purposes, you forever remained in a childhood time capsule while he continued to grow up. Then he blinked and you were showing up as a 24 year old woman, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t stupefied by it. And Linda had him figured out in record time.

He rinsed out his mug, shooting a playful glare at her when she walked in to place her mug from that morning in the sink.

“Oh don’t be so sour. I’m sure she’s just as surprised to see you all grown up.”

“Good to see you’re back in the land of the living,” you teased when Eddie called you later that night after work and dinner.

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, phone cupped between the side of his face and his shoulder as he lit a cigarette. He inhaled deeply then let out a contented sigh, watching the plume of smoke dissipate the further it traveled through his room. He dropped his hand down that was holding the common vice between his middle and forefinger, ring finger picking at his pajama pants. “But uh… seriously. I’m sorry about that. I just… haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Oh,” you said rather simply, shifting to get more comfortable in your spot. “‘D you wanna talk about it?”

“Nothin’ to really talk about. Just have a hard time sleeping.”

“Like, falling asleep or staying asleep?”

“Uhh yes.”

You rolled your eyes and allowed him a breath of a pity laugh at his response.

“When did that start?”

“‘D you end up going to school to be a shrink or something?”

“Oh god no,” you all but dry heave, the mention making you think of that tool from your college. “I went for an education degree.”

“No shit?” His voice lilted up at the end and you could hear him following it up with a deep inhale and exhale of smoke. “So you want to be a teacher?”

“You’re avoiding the subject, Eddie.” Although to be fair—now you were too.

“Whatcha gonna do? Spank me with a ruler or somethin’, teach?” He tittered, and he was grateful that you couldn’t see how he immediately rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and silently asked the world why the fuck he just said that. The only relief from his debilitating misery was the way you laughed at his stupid comment.

“Screw off,” you giggled before sobering your tone. “No but really—is everything okay? I feel bad that you’re not sleeping.”

“Why? It’s not your fault.”

“No, I know…,” you murmured, toying with a loose thread in the motel comforter. “Just wish you didn’t have a hard time sleeping.”

“Yeah me too,” he laughed and smothered the glowing end of his cigarette into his ashtray when he was done with it. “But it’s not a big deal.”

“I could make you chamomile tea or something. That always helps me sleep,” you answer, your heart thrumming from the simple offer.

“You really want to come to my crappy place and make me leaf water?”

“Or just don’t sleep tonight. Wish you the best, Loogie.”

Eddie’s groan crackled through the old phone, and you could feel the eye roll that came with such a sound.

“So—oh careful it’s hot—” you murmured when he carelessly dragged the mug to his side of the countertop in his small kitchen, not wanting the tea to spill over onto his fingers.

It didn’t take much convincing for him to welcome you over to his trailer, and you were all giddy over seeing his place. He put a lot of emphasis on the fact that his home was shitty and didn’t understand your joy, but you were happy nonetheless.

“So it should help you get sleepy, and if you wanna you can make a wish when you stir it,” you grin over at him like a little kid, and he finds it endearing that you still enjoyed something as simple and sweet as making a wish. He remembered how as kids, you clung to just about every scenario that could incorporate making a wish. A lone eyelash on a cheek. A birthday candle. A dandelion. A friendship bracelet.

“If you stir clockwise you can wish for something into your life, or you can stir counterclockwise to wish something out of it,” he eyes you from where you’re settling your elbows on his counter and cradling your chin on your open palms.

“So I can… wish for a shit ton of cash or something and I’ll wake up a millionaire?” he questioned, still smiling even when you give him your best glare.

“Ha-ha,” you sneer. “No, jackass, but you can wish for abundance.”

“Abundance?”

“Yeah, like wishing for better opportunities to come your way.”

“Or I could start selling weed again,” he counters, watching the way you push away from where you were leaning into his counter.

“You’re being mean.” you complain and it feels more familiar to him than anything else.

“Alright, alright. I’m sorry,” he sighs out through a light laugh. He shakes out his arms theatrically like someone preparing for a daunting task—only to lean in and grasp the handle of a small spoon between his fingers.

“You sold drugs?” you suddenly ask and his gaze flits up.

“Do you mind? Trying to make a wish over here.”

You roll your eyes and cross your arms over your chest, but he just kept staring at you.

“What?”

“Do you have to watch me?”

“Oh I’m sorry, can you not perform while I’m looking?” you bunch up your lips into a mocking pout, and now it’s his turn to glare. “Fine.”

Once you’re turned around, you hear the occasional clink of metal against ceramic and it makes you smile until you hear the gulping that follows.

“Oh my god— it’s a cup of calming tea, not a shot of tequila,” you gasp as you turn to find him downing the liquid that was probably still scalding hot.

“Yeah no shit,” he chokes out, putting the mug that was still half full now before sticking his tongue out and looking down to try and see if he could find any evidence of the burning he felt. Between the oatmeal and the tea, his taste buds were taking a real beating today. You giggle at the ridiculous action, and then even more when his gaze turns up to you with his tongue still out.

“I’m sorry, is this funny to you?”

“Yeah,” you admit honestly, giving him a big smile through the small titters that melts his heart.

“Keep it up. We’ll see who’s laughing when I’m ditching town with a million bucks.”

“Screw off, I told you it doesn’t work that way--” you huff, reaching over to nudge his arm and it only encourages his goofiness. Eddie’s leaning into the counter as he grins over at you.

“So when does this shit kick in?”

“It’s tea, not a downer,” you counter in a patient tone and gently move the cup closer to him. “Just keep drinking it with slow sips and try to relax.”

He hums in lighthearted disappointment at it being pointed out that the tea wasn’t a strong sedative, but he already feels somewhat calmer even in all his excitement over messing with you. The scent of the chamomile and honey, and the smell of your perfume. The softer tone of voice you took on when you focused on the fact that your task was to help him relax and sleep. The familiarity of your presence even with the distance caused by time apart. The coziness of his pajamas and your matching sweatshirt-sweatpants combo.

“Remember when we were kids? And I slept over all the time?” you murmured randomly, this moment of helping him calm down to sleep directing your thoughts to that simpler time.

“Yeah,” he grinned and leaned forward on his forearms. “And my dad always insisted you stay in a sleeping bag on the floor-”

“But you let me climb into your bed if I had a nightmare,” you finished for him, blushing at the fond memory.

“If? You were always scared of the dark. You never stayed in that sleeping bag.” he chortled and dragged his mug up to his lips.

“I never got why your dad didn’t want us sharing a bed. Even now, it’s stupid. We were kids, it’s not like we thought about stuff like… like…,” you start with a laugh before trailing off as you feel a thick fog of awkward tension suddenly settle in his trailer. You clear your throat and look down at your hands.

“Just stupid. We were too young. A-and even if we had been teenagers it’s not… it’s not like…,” you sputter, internally screaming at yourself for directing the conversation this way.

“You would not have wanted to share a bed when I was in the throes of puberty,” he snorted and displayed his hand outward as if presenting scenes from his teenage years while he dramatized those last three words. You were grateful for him saving you from this mortifying moment with his sense of humor.

“The people are right: teenage boys are disgusting.”

It’s your turn now to snort and raise your brows as you concur with a simple nod.

“Which is so unfair, by the way,” he points at you after settling his mug back down from another sip. “Why do girls just get better? And we have to suffer?”

“Oh please,” you scoff incredulously. “Have you ever had a period before? A single cramp? Bled through your jeans and everyone can see?”

“Uh, have you ever gotten a random hard-on during a presentation in school?” he countered and you flinched at the idea.

“Oh god…”

“Yeah. I wanted to drop dead.”

“…What were you doing a presentation on?” you wonder after a pause for consideration, a curious smile pulling at your lips. He eyes you from under his lashes and curly bangs before looking down at what’s left of his tea as he mutters under his breath.

“I’m sorry?”

“S’lm ‘ch ‘ls.”

“Come again?”

“The Salem Witch Trials,” he finally admitted loud enough for you to hear and you throw your head back in a cackle as he buried his face in his hands. You eventually sober up enough to speak again, eyes wild with amusement.

“You got off on people being unjustly executed in Colonial America?”

“No!” he groaned, separating his hands from his face.

“No, that’s the worst part. I wasn’t even turned on by anything. It just-“ he gestured towards his groin that was hidden behind the counter. “It just did it on its own.”

“Oh that’s so humiliating.” you whisper like it’s a secret, and he huffs.

“Yeah, no kidding— will you stop smiling about it?”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can. It’s too funny,” you admit with an apologetic scrunch of your nose.

“No, now we have to get even. Now I have to know something embarrassing about when you were a teenager,” He waved his hand, urging you to contribute so it was fair.

“Can’t think of anything. I was perfect,” you sighed sweetly with a hint of grandeur, hands pressed against the counter top and head tilting into your shoulder. He stared you down until you crack with a giggle.

“Uhh, let’s see…,” you hummed, looking off at a corner of his ceiling while you perused your memories. Your face is neutral and deep in thought until something clearly hits you sideways and makes you cringe.

“Well, I got pantsed in high school when I wasn’t wearing any underwear.”

“Ouch,” Eddie hissed at the memory as if it personally hurt him before he barked out a laugh. “Bad day to go commando.”

“I didn’t even mean to,” you whine, now the one hiding their face. “It was gym and I forgot another pair of underwear. I didn’t want to sit in sweaty underwear for the rest of the day so I just…”

“And someone pantsed you?” he cackled, hands hugging his cup.

“Yes,” you huff with a pout. “It was Zachary McKay.”

“He was always a tool,” Eddie muttered now, a small yawn escaping him. “Even when we were kids.”

“He had a crush on me after that, though, so I benefited from the sudden kindness for a while,” you let out a hollow laugh, as if that saved you from the humiliation of everyone seeing you half naked in gym.

“Oh god, you didn’t date him did you?” he asked like it personally pained him, and the torture wouldn’t let up until you shook your head.

“Ew, no. He just had a hard-on for me after seeing me half naked, and then he was right back to being an ass when I turned him down.”

“Good girl,” Eddie muttered casually over you not stooping low enough to entertain anyone as awful as McKay.

He didn’t even think about it, and the phrase wasn’t drawn out in that way someone would when they were being provocative, but it still nearly made you choke on your spit. You were grateful for him going around the corner of the counter and behind you to put his mug in the sink after downing what was left, so you had a chance to recover. You wanted to drop dead like a teenage boy getting an involuntary erection in the middle of a presentation.

“Sorry he was an ass to you just cause you didn’t wanna date him, though. Not that I’m surprised that he’d do that,” he muttered, walking up from behind you after abandoning the sink. He’s brushing against you for just a second and then back to his spot across from you.

“Yeah…,” you agreed breathlessly and forced yourself to look at him. “You look like you’re getting tired. Want me to leave so you can try to sleep?”

Or so I can throw myself into a pit?

“I feel bad kicking you out after you were nice enough to bring me stuff,” he reaches over to grab the box full of chamomile tea bags for emphasis. “And making it for me and everything.”

“It’s okay, really. I know you have a busy day tomorrow… I do too, actually. Not until a bit later, but…,” you trailed off as you collected your thoughts and toy with your hands. “Really. I don’t mind leaving so you can sleep.”

“Okay… but if you get any nightmares don’t call me cryin’ cause you can’t climb into my bed,” he teased while he stretched, the bottom of his band tee lifting to show a sliver of tummy.

“Oh, please,” you scoffed and he huffs out a laugh, letting his arms drop back down to his sides.

There’s a moment where that distance comes back. You forgot it still existed until it got to you leaving. Do you just say goodbye and head out? Do you hug? He doesn’t seem sure either and just kind of scratches the back of his neck while jutting his thumb towards his bedroom.

“I should probably go to my room if I wanna sleep.”

“That’s a good choice.” you snickered, placing the strap of your purse over your shoulder and starting to gravitate towards the door. “Let me know if the chamomile helps.”

“I will,” he offered you a small, charming smile as he picked at the skin of his thumb. “I uh—shit, right-”

He goes over to you now, extending an arm.

A hug. Okay. You’re gonna hug.

You wrap an arm around his torso in a half hug just as his hand lands on the screen door’s handle. The creak of old springs is too late and you already hugged him. Fuck.

“Oh I was- no. Yeah,” he stumbled over his words.

“I’m sorry I thought-”

“No, no. I-”

He briefly wrapped you up in his arms and somehow being scooped up into him was worse than if he had backed away from you. He was keeping you hostage in your own humiliation, even if he was trying to be kind. You desperately wanted to savor his body heat and his smell of tobacco, leather and cinnamon, but you can’t even do that. Not while your fight or flight is setting off alarms all throughout your body.

“Thank you for stopping by,” he rubbed your back before parting from his gesture that he felt he should’ve already been offering. “Really.”

“Any time,” you squeak out, trying to laugh off the awkward moment to seem cool and casual, but you’re probably just making it worse.

“Night, Looddie- Loog- Ed- I…Wow, I started to say one and then went with the other… and I just said Looddie… that’s great.”

You laugh again with one foot out the door, and he seemed genuine when he joined you but it didn’t stop you from wishing you could disappear in a magnificent feat of spontaneous combustion.

Once you were outside of the trailer, you felt paralyzed by your own embarrassment and deafened by the unrelenting silence of night. If it weren’t for the fact that he would hear you, you’d be smacking your head off the side of his trailer and screaming.

This was so much worse than being pantsed by Zach McKay.

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thewertsearch · 10 months

Text

FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 3 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo. FCG: HEY DON'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT YOU UNCOUTH PIECE OF SHIT. [...] CCG: IT MUST BE PERIGEES EVE, BECAUSE GET A LOAD OF THIS HUGE BEHEMOTH LEAVING THAT JUST GOT DRAGGED IN. CCG: JADE, OUR DUTY IS CLEAR. WE MUST DECK THIS TURD TO THE NINES. FCG: OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT WAS A CLEVER THING TO SAY. WHAT A DIPSHIT. ?GG: aaauugh what the hell!!!

Honestly, at this point Jade should just close the chat and come back in an hour.

?GG: i cant take this anymore!!!!!!!! ?GG: i dont even know what im reading here but its preposterous and ive had it! ?GG: i am just so angry, i cant believe i let you push me around all those years ?GG: you are completely out of your mind, i was too nice by just blocking you and typing frowny faces and stuff ?GG: i should have let you HAVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Jade Violence has been a long time coming. Unleash it!

?GG: if you want to apologize then great i am all ears! but just mentioning it off hand and then yelling at yourself the same way you yell at me all the time as if i need a knight to come save me from yourself is so lame [...] ?GG: you treat everyone horribly, even yourself, i cant even fathom how awful it is to be you

Several other characters have self-esteem issues, but Karkat's the only one who directly attacks himself in conversation - and I'm not really sure why. You'd expect it to be the Time Player whose issues are expressed through time duplicates - although, come to think of it, Aradia's fatalism was evident in how her alt-selves considered themselves expendable.

Maybe, then, Karkat's own direct self-hatred says something about Blood. We don't know a lot about the aspect - and it's hard to derive much, when your sample size is one Player with an unknown Quest - but we can certainly speculate.

There's a lot that Blood could symbolize. Violence would work, as would pain or injury - but none of these stand out as particularly applicable to Karkat or his issues. Sure, he's been injured before - but in Sburb, who hasn't?

Family is another contender, and it'd be interesting to see how that would map to Alternian culture. Plus, it actually does apply to Karkat, since he's the one who cloned the trolls. Nanna even mentioned that a team's ectobiologist is, in a sense, the 'parent' of the other Players...

#homestuck liveblog #full liveblog #act 5.2 #2852 #s80

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aurumacadicus · 9 months

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So for me personally I think both Steve and Tony have the same lack of self-esteem/self-confidence it just manifests differently. Tony believes he can't measure up and won't no matter how hard he tries which makes him seem aloof/uncaring towards others. (Not that this stops him from trying, of course. Deep down he's hopeful that someday, somehow, he'll be enough for someone. Which is why all of his friends are like "lol Tony aloof? He got drunk and cried because someone mentioned they had to put their dog down recently so he made an animal shelter in the dog's name.")

Now. Steve. He's been clawing tooth and nail for respect since he was a sickly, skinny kid. He spent so long getting no respect (even after he first became Captain America, being used for propaganda) and then, suddenly, after proving his mettle in battle/rescuing an entire unit of POWs, he has nothing but respect from the people around him. He doesn't know how to handle it because he would have gone to rescue Bucky even if he was still tiny. Nothing changed except his body. He's still him at his core. But he thinks people only ever want to be with him for his body so when he starts having self-esteem issues his feelings accumulate into anger.

All of this to say one of my favoritest tropes in fan fiction (any universe) is when people make Tony fall in love with skinny asthmatic Steve but Steve doesn't want to date because he thinks Tony pities him and then they fall out of contact, only for there to be some sort of event where they're going to meet again. Tony tells this huge blond hunk to keep an eye out for a tiny blond with anger issues because Steve is the only reason he even came to this stupid party and if he isn't coming Tony is going to leave. In fact he might leave anyway because Steve shouted at him to leave him alone the last time they saw each other so he might not want to see Tony anyway. Which gives Steve (blond hunk) an identity crisis because oh no apparently Tony was earnest back then and Steve yelled at him for no reason because he thought Tony was patronizing him and Tony apparently still cares about him and is so handsome. Fuck. His friends are never going to let him live this down.

("Aw I was really looking forward to being the big spoon," Tony says post reveal, frowning up at Steve, and Steve about kills himself choking on his drink laughing.)

#delete later #stony #where was i going with this #idk i just had thoughts

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thebibutterflyao3 · 1 month

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Day Twenty-Eight - Prompt: Touches @rosekiller-microfic

March Daily Series - 774 words

<<<Previous Part OR Start Here

Barty drummed his fingers against the steering wheel as he waited. He didn’t know why he was so fidgety. It wasn’t as though he’d never picked up a bird before.

When he was with Evan, he felt like a taxi service half the time since he didn’t drive. Not that he minded when it was Evan. Most of those drives ended with Evan’s head in his lap or his hand down Evan’s pants. Only giving him gentle touches to drive him mad.

He shook his head clear and reprimanded himself to focus. This wasn’t the time for his fantasies. Barty stayed up late on the phone to plan this out. Everything was prepared, he just needed to wait and keep his wits about him.

The clock on his dashboard read 10:40, ten minutes late. She’d said to wait at the kerb, exactly like a taxi service attendant. This was beginning to feel like deja vu.

Don’t you dare.

Suddenly, the passenger door flew open and her pale blonde ponytail nearly slapped him in the face as she climbed in. Barty immediately straightened up in his seat and gripped the steering wheel. His heart pounded against his chest as he waited for her to settle in.

“Alright?” he asked, shifting clumsily.

Pandora arched an eyebrow sceptically, then nodded. “You have twenty minutes to explain yourself, Crouch.”

He cleared his throat as he eased Heather into traffic. Twenty minutes to convince the one person who held the key to his happiness in her hands that he wasn’t the horrible person that he had been with Regulus. This was fine.

“Right, so Lily explained the whole—”

“Keep my future wife’s name out of your mouth, if you value your life.”

Barty swallowed hard and tried again. He and Lily had practised this speech three times, he knew it by heart.

“I meant to say…I-I apologise for how awful I was to Regulus, and to you. I let my insecurities overrule my common sense. It was absolute shite and this is not an attempt to excuse it, I swear. I…fucked up, then kept fucking up to cover up the first fuck up.”

So much for memorising the speech.

He snuck a glance at Pandora. She stared out the window and avoided looking at him. Barty wondered if she was even listening, or if she’d only agreed to this because her girlfriend coerced her into it.

“I should have been honest with Regulus. He deserved to hear the truth, instead of my shite attempt to weasel out of it.”

“What is the truth, Barty? Do you even know?” she snapped. “Why did you cheat on Reg?”

“I knew he was breaking up with me, so I gave him a reason.”

Her head snapped to the right as a deep scowl marred her pretty features. “What does that mean?”

“I heard him talking to you on the phone, Pandora. He told you that I wasn’t his type and that he should have known better than to date below his standards.”

Pandora’s eyes widened, then she looked away. “Well, he had a point.”

“He did,” Barty agreed. He forced back the bile rising in his throat and continued. “And you were both complete snobs about it. Which is why I proved him right. It hurt to hear you two ragging on me. I decided that I’d rather be dumped for fucking up than be discarded like a piece of rubbish.”

“Oh, so it’s our fault then?”

“No. I could have walked away, but I didn’t. I thought I was evening the odds and…I was wrong.”

Pandora eyed him narrowly. “You admit that you were in the wrong?”

“Yes,” Barty said, nodding calmly. “I knew that Regulus was struggling with his self-esteem and I used it to my advantage. It was manipulative and self-serving.”

“But you’re all better now?” she retorted.

Barty sighed, pulling off the road to park behind the building. “I’m better when I’m with Evan because we take care of each other. We’re even. I want to be the best version of myself for him, so I try.”

“You try? That’s it?”

“You don’t understand.” Barty turned off the car and turned to face her. He remembered Lily’s advice and breathed deeply to calm himself first.

“I think…I think I might be in love with him, Pandora. He is the most important person in my life and I would do anything for him. Do you understand how terrifying and amazing that is? I’ve never felt like that before and I’m still figuring it out, but I’m trying.”

Pandora’s jaw worked from side to side as she stared him down. He didn’t flinch, or look away this time. Barty held his ground.

“Fine. I’ll talk to Regulus…and Evan.”

#barty crouch jr x evan rosier #evan x barty #barty x evan #barty crouch junior #barty crouch jr #barty jr #evan rosier #rosekiller microfic #rosekiller #slytherin skittles #marauders era #pandora rosier

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leiflitter · 25 days

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More YAH!Felix Quotes! I love this idiot!

“If it's any consolation- you could absolutely be a sugar baby dance instructor.”

Chapter 26

“You and me in some slutty little togas. How about it? Achilles and Patroclus- or did they have a bad time?”

Chapter 27

“Mum, Dad, Venetia? This is Oliver. I know you've met him, but I wanted to let you know that, um- I love him very much and I think I'm going to keep him.”

Chapter 28

“Not since I first discovered the joys of self-abuse- almost got a repetitive strain injury, fucking awful time, was about this close to needing a wrist brace. But- don't get me wrong, I was as much a whore as Farleigh was back in the day, but Christ. You show up and… Oh shit, what was it? In your flat. When I said that must have been hard and you went well yeah but I was quieter than you.”

Chapter 29

“Look, Olls, poor little Other Oliver's self-esteem is absolutely shot. I can't let him go on like that, can I?”

Chapter 30

“Christ, I’ve wanted to do that all day. Now- I've got something for you, if you’ll just show me... and don't worry, it's a perfectly legitimate gift and not my penis. Even I'm not that stupid."

Chapter 31

“Maybe. I did do really well at writing essays when India had that top tier speed hookup. Don't mention that to your mother, Harry, or I will once again remove you from my will. Do as daddy says, not as daddy did.”

Chapter 32

So you're telling me that porn lies? Oliver, no, surely not."

Chapter 33

“Z Z Top tribute act it is, then. Give you something to hang on to, eh?”

Chapter 34

#you're almost home #leiflitter writes #cattonquick #saltburn fanfic #felix catton/oliver quick #saltburn #saltburn fanfiction #saltburn fic #fanfic quotes #felix catton #felix catton quotes #YAH!posting

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nightghoul381 · 9 months

Note

For the writing request, can you perhaps make a reader x William fic? Prompt: hurt and comfort. The reader got reminded of painful memories when she encountered her toxic ex and William noticed it and he comforted her.

Thank you for the request @themiscarnival! William is a very comforting character so I really enjoyed writing this. I hope you enjoy!

Genre: Angst/ Fluff Prompt: Hurt/ Comfort after a run-in with a toxic ex Warnings: Story contains negative self-talk and negative comments toward reader WC: ~1.3k

You know you’re worthless without me right?

I am the only one who thinks you’re worth caring about, do you really want to risk that by making me angry?

Are you trying to humiliate me?

Negative thoughts have been swirling through your head all day, ever since you ran into him. You typically try to avoid going to places that your ex frequents, but you had really wanted to get a special jam to have Ellis try and it was only sold in one shop that you knew of.

He’d seen you before you had noticed him, his approach caught you completely off guard.

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.” His voice sent shivers down your spine and you felt your stomach drop as he grabbed your chin, turning you to face him the same way he always had.

“Crawling back to me already? I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle life without me. You always were far too stupid for your own good. Let me guess, you’re drowning in debt, living alone in the streets, right? I know I’m right.”

He never let you even get one word in.

“Well too bad for you I have a woman who actually has value. Not much, but certainly more than you ever did. You look awful, what are you trying to chase business away for this poor shop? You do realize that no one actually wants you around right?”

Your jaw was trembling at this point and you were fighting hard to hold back your tears so that he wouldn’t get the satisfaction of seeing you cry. You swore to yourself you would never let him get to you again, and yet all it took was a few harsh words and your self-esteem plummeted.

After several more disheartening comments, he finally left you alone, but at that point, you were too shaken to finish shopping. You went straight back home, not bothering to respond to Liam or Ellis when they greeted you. If you opened your mouth, you knew nothing but sobs would spill out.

You kept your head down and locked yourself in your room, curling into a ball on your bed and finally letting the tears free.

It had been likely hours since the whole ordeal but you were still just as upset as you had been while it was happening. The sun was beginning to disappear below the horizon and you felt that it was darkly suited to how your own heart felt, all light slipping away, leaving only darkness. It had always been a worry in the back of your mind that no one actually wanted you around; that they were just putting up with you out of pity. But now no matter what you tried to tell yourself, there was no way to convince yourself that you may truly be wanted.

A loud knocking at your door startled you, causing you to bolt upright.

“Could you unlock to door for me, my dear?”

The sound of your lover’s voice had a lump forming in your throat. You sat there in silence, fresh tears brimming at the thought of having to explain your situation to him.

“If I need to, little robin, I’ll request Victor give me the key.” William warned.

Reluctantly, you rolled to the edge of the bed and weakly made your way to the door, legs trembling and vision blurry, unlocking it before throwing yourself back to the bed.

You had your face buried in a pillow when William entered your room. You heard the sound of the lock clicking on the door behind him. A brief moment passed as you waited for the inevitable question.

“What happened darling?” His voice sounded very close and you could faintly smell the rich, warm scent of leather wreathing around you.

The comfort of that smell urged you to go to him, but your shame commanded that you stay put.

He probably wouldn’t want me to touch him, not really. Your thoughts continue to flow down this turbulent river of despair until you feel William’s hand stroking your hair.

A broken whimper finally escaped you as you tossed aside the pillow and buried your face instead in William’s chest, clinging to him as though he were the only thing keeping you from succumbing to the emotions threatening to pull you under.

You can no longer hold back anything, sobs wracking your body, tears streaming down your face, hands trembling where they clutched at William’s shirt.

He said nothing, tenderly rubbing your back in soothing circles and caressing your hair. The sound of his strong heartbeat and his even breathing soon calmed you enough to lean back, looking up into his crimson eyes.

“My lovely little robin, what happened to make you so upset?” He asks, stroking your cheek with his thumb. His eyebrows are furrowed into a deep frown as you try to string together words to explain why you’re such a mess.

“Um… I was out shopping…” You began, surprising yourself with how raspy your voice was. “I ran into somebody, from before…. We used to date… he said some things that got to me…”

William pressed a light kiss to your forehead as you took a shuddering breath.

“Will you tell me what he said to you?” he whispered, holding your face close to his.

“Umm… just some things he used to say… he was a cruel man.” You managed, lowering your gaze to look at your hands,

“The words of a cruel man hold no value.”

“Just like me,” You whisper miserably, hugging your arms tightly to your chest.

William’s face is soon looking up at you. He had contorted himself to be able to look into your eyes.

“Is that the sort of lie he’s told you? That you have no value?”

Closing your eyes, you gently nod your head, wanting to curl up and disappear.

Soon you feel yourself being lifted into William’s lap, his arms wrapping around you like a cocoon, holding you snugly against his chest.

“I truly hope you can understand just how much value you have through my eyes. Allow me to paint the picture. Your smile is the sun beaming light into my life, your laugh the sweetest melody I’ve ever heard. The way you brush your hair back while you’re reading, the frustrated face you make when you get embarrassed, and the way you greet me with a hug after I return from a mission; all these things are so incredibly precious to me. Each time I get to spend a quiet moment with you in my arms is a priceless treasure. You bring me so much joy and I will be forever grateful that you’ve become a part of my life. Your love is intoxicating, I can’t seem to keep my mind straight without it. You’ve become so integral to my world that there is absolutely nothing I value more than you.”

As he murmurs these words of love in your ear, you can feel the tension slowly unravelling from your body. Once he finishes talking, he continues to hold you tightly, laying his head against your hair and rocking gently. The motion is so soothing, and your body and mind so weary from the day’s events that within minutes, you’ve fallen asleep in his arms.

William smiles to himself, gazing down at you with such affection, he feels as though his heart may burst.

“You truly are the most precious thing to me, my dear robin.” He whispers these last words as he leans back onto the bed to join you in your peaceful slumber, his arms remaining steadfast around your body as he continues to hold you through the night.

#ikemen villains #ikevil #ikemen villains fanfiction #ikemen villains william #ikevil william #ikevil william rex #william rex

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woodenfawn · 10 months

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The Rem Infodump.

The one where i rant about rem and subaru's dynamic and why it's special but i dont think a lot of people really understand it!

This was written a while ago and i may have some things wrong, and it's also good to note I don't think subaru and rem are unnhealthy for each other in the sense that they shouldn't be together (whether romantic or platonic), i just mean the situations they were in forced them to act in certain ways!

I think a lot of people who are bigger re zero fans (who also understand what the story is about) shy away from rem as a character because she's the one "only fake fans who watch the anime for the waifus" like, but while she's not my favorite character i want to bring her a little more appreciation from this side of the fandom!!

new-to-tumblr post spam 3/4 complete, i'll slow down after this XD

I tried tagging with spoilers but just in case it didn't work: spoilers ahead!

So. The rem thing. Ive talked about it vaguely before but never went into detail cause there were people that could be spoiled. The whole point of rems attraction to subaru is not because of harem wish fulfillment. The author clearly stated he hates harems. Subaru does love both rem and emilia, but he has solidly chosen emilia and that's the end of that. It doesn't matter what romantic feelings he could have towards rem because it's already doomed. They both know it. The relationship they form episode 12 and beyond is not meant to be healthy for either of them!! Rem has been saved from her mindset of needing to atone for what she thought of her sister, but her self esteem is still AWFUL which is why she attaches herself to a "hero" instead of learning to recognize her own self worth. Subaru saved her from some things but he's not a hero and he's not exactly the person rem says he is. Partially, but not all of it. It's kind of a mutual decision of theirs to lie to each other and themselves because they need it to cope with themselves. Subaru needs to be a hero for rem or he could never step out of his depressive state. Rem needs a hero in subaru or she cannot feel loved and understood. It's not good for either of them but they don't have an alternative. NOTICE: When subaru rants about how awful he is and rem responds with her famous speech, she doesn't actually contradict much of what he says. They love each other and need each other but it's bad for the both of them. Rem lost her memories because the witches (later correction: it's the bishops) targeted her for her sin, and subaru killing himself over rem is not the action of a person in a healthy mindset. Rem's development was cut short and kind of fridging, its frustrating, but it's not basic waifu stuff and it is meant to be tragic!!!! This is also all a mirror to how subaru and emilia are!

Because while subaru constantly talks about needing to save emilia, he also calls her the main heroine. I used to think about rem as a yesman, but she does many a thing behind subaru's back for his sake the exact way he did to emilia. He learns more about the consequences of his actions that way. oh, it hurts. and oh boy the speech is so misunderstood. That is rem's promise to love him "unconditionally", without acknowledging his flaws, and it helped. It's absolutely what he needed to hear. But it wasn't good. but also, for other reasons, it mirrors another little speech.... subaru's season 2 confession to emilia. Where she can't believe he'd love her, and where he starts to list off things he's done for her and the ways she's made it hard for him. And then tells her, he still loves her, because that's who she is and he wouldn't want it any other way. Which could be taken as another niceguy rant (like a repeat of the season 1 fight) but it's NOT!! Because this is what Emilia needed to hear, because she is not the kind of person who can accept praise without a drawback or asterisk. If she heard all that, all she'd see is another pedestal to fill. this is the healthier version of the rem speech, where she can accept she's flawed and realize she's still loved. Both despite, but also for it. And... it's still not perfect. Because the characters are still growing and learning!!! They are young adults with so many problems and a whole life ahead of them and they still need to learn!!! The upsides and downsides of unconditional love,,,, and is it more unconditional if you love them "despite flaws" or "with flaws" or without seeing any? And is any of that healthy? How can it be good? How can it be bad? Maybe it can be both at once, maybe love isnt perfect!!! a lot of this is hidden in subtext, and the framing of rem's speech may even trick you cause it's triumphant but no there's so much complexity to why they say every single thing they say!!!

Subaru is a character who struggles with love for himself and with love for others, he doesn't know how to make others happy and gets caught in a loop of thinking the only way he can possibly be loved is if he's constantly putting his life on the line for others, without asking anything of them in return. which ends up with him breaking and needing support, and not knowing how to ask, which is why he yells at emilia in season 1 (doesn't help that his deepest trauma is something he is magically obligated not to share for fear of death). His relationship with emilia in season 1 is both very sweet and very unhealthy. he's just a guy with a crush on a girl who's far too good for him and he's trying to work for it but the basis for it is not good- he's attached himself to the first kind person in this new world that he knows and due to "return by death" he's far more invested in her than she is in him- she will never know everything they went through together. and then.... he finds rem. someone who didn't trust him. someone who killed him multiple times throughout the mansion arc, but someone who could understand his loneliness because she was also lonely, and wow- he managed to save her, too! and she doesn't know everything about what he's gone through, but she knows how to read his emotions like no one else can. so they... fall into a codependency. like said before, they can't live without each other, but not everything they do is good for each other. subaru, while gladly taking the role that emilia has in this new relationship, learns more about how she feels. with rem, he learns more about what it means to love, and they both know that it won't last. they didn't expect it to end so soon, though. but oh well, subaru does not have the option to stop. the nature of his powers means dying is pointless, and he has to press on anyways. and he does!!! He meets more people he thinks he can trust. some betray him, but some stick with him. Otto (my sweet boy!!!) is notable!

and now he knows more about love, about trust, about how to treat people, and how he should expect to be treated. so many things. keeping in mind it's been a while since i've watched re zero so i probably don't even have everything there is to say. but like.... then in the end, he can approach emilia with his true emotions. and he can tell her about it in a way she'll understand. and he knows he can do it without being a burden this time. he's become a better person. he's not sure if he'll be rejected, but that's not the point anymore! The point is he loves her and wants the best for her and wants her to know and hopes, no matter the outcome, that she'll be happy to know she's not alone! and the honesty, that's what his speech has over rem's. he's not putting her on a pedestal, he's not using her for the sake of his own self esteem anymore, he just wants to love!

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Extra note on the end (talk about suicidal thinking, be warned!!!)

something I've talked about but don't have saved writing for, a bit more about rem!

I do also think Rem is suicidal. i think she and Subaru recognized each other in that mindset without ever really talking about it. To me, this relationship is two suicidal people trying to prop each other up so the other will keep living, and knowing that if they really give up the other will too. That's why the season 2 development was so punishing for Subaru. I think that Rem's terrible self esteem and feeling of needing to atone for """"ruining her sister's life"""" contributed to it, though i don't know if that's all of it. She also makes multiple comments that are extremely concerning, like how Subaru is her "reason to die", how when she was ready to die fighting the white whale she said she felt like this was the moment she was made for, and biggest of all!! When she was telling her hypothetical story of how she and Subaru would run away together, she planned it all up to the death "I'd like to die first and I'd like my family to be with me", and to me it felt like she was *trying to think of a death that would make her life worth living*. Her motivation to live is following people she can die for, and that's, that's concerning. i hope her character arc properly follows through on what's happening in her head (i don't know how arc 7 goes yet)

...and i also think that Beatrice is the first time Subaru's had to confront his mindset head-on, because Beatrice would refuse to dance around the subject. The lesson he takes from Rem carries over to both Emilia and Beatrice in healthier ways, and I think that's incredibly important!!!!

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thank you for reading!

#re:zero #re zero #natsuki subaru #subaru natsuki #rem rezero #rem #re zero spoilers #re:zero spoilers

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