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littleracha · 10 months

Note

Hey hey heyyy

If your requests are still open, can i please request a cg!skz scenario (individually if possible) with littles who have had bad experience of physical abuse at some point in life and flinch easily but they comfort them with something like "its okay little one, papa isn't going to hurt you, papa isn't mad" if that's okay with you? Thankyou so much hope you have a great day/ night ahead !!! ❤❤❤

Okay, this request has been sitting awhile and I apologize so much. As a survivor of abuse, this request really meant a lot to me and I wanted to spend some time on it.

Thank you so much for the ask, sweet duckling.

CG! OT8 Stray Kids with Trauma Little

(tw for past abuse)

Bang Chan

Chan hates being stressed out

He hates it even more when it affects you

This comeback has been hard, the music genre while fun is completely different

Make it difficult for him to write and produce on the deadline

So when he woke up and couldn't find his laptop he lost it

You didn't mean to be a brat, you just were pulling a cute little prank. One you've done a million times before

But when Chan came into your bedroom red-faced instead of humored, you got scared

"Where is it y/n, I don't have time for games today"

Daddy never used your real name...

You got up to slow for his liking and he barked

"Hurry up!"

You flinched at the loud sound. It brought back a flood of bad memories and you froze in place

Which scared you even more knowing he wanted you to be quick

You aren't sure how he ended up in front of you but gentle hands cupped your face

"Little cub, oh baby. Daddy didn't mean to yell, he'd never yell on purpose. Oh, cubby come here. Daddy would never hurt you okay?"

He called off work for the rest of the day so he could hold you and remind you that he would never let anything hurt you, even himself.

Lee Know

It was one of those days for Minho

It wasn't a bad one but it wasn't good either

Everything little seemed to be getting on his nerves

All he wanted was to come home and put his mind on something else

He pulled the pots and pans out to make you both dinner

He thought putting his focus on making something really nice might calm him down a bit

He wasn't expecting you to wake up from your nap early

You came toddling in with stuffie and blanket in tow

He gave you a soft smile and went back to work

After naps, you were usually cuddly and wanted Noona's attention

You walked up next to him and looked into the pan that was frying up some pork belly

You reached out to snag a piece when all of a sudden the oil popped and burned you

You pulled back with a shirking cry and held your hand. Teary eyes looked up at your Noona

"Baby go away! I'll get you when it's ready!" Minho snapped and shooed you away with his hand

What he didn't expect was the flinch that followed. Then you ran

He immediately turned everything off and came looking for you

He found you hiding under the blankets on the bed

"Little kitten Noona didn't mean to scare you" he cooed softly while removing the blankets

"Oh kitty cat, come here. I am so sorry I scared you like that. You know I'd never hurt you little one. Even if Noona is mad he would never hit you. Promise me you know that" Tears started to well in his own eyes now

"I promise Noonie"

"Thank you, baby. Now why don't you come help me finish dinner, kitten? Think you can do that?"

Changbin

Binnie and you were playing a game of ‘Hide and Seek’

It had all been fun until Binnie actually couldn’t find you

He looked in the living room, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom

Even places that were off-limits like the studio and backyard

His anxiety started to peak after 10 minutes

Bin knows nothing bad could have happened

But he was worried you might be stuck and needed him

If he didn’t find you soon then maybe you'd begin to panic

He made his way into the home gym, somewhere you never go without him

He has made it very clear this room can be dangerous without Dada

So when he saw a tiny foot sticking out from behind the closed treadmill he was shocked

“Baby! You need to get out of there right now”

He pulled you out, not hard, never hard. He knew his strength. It was more of a soft suggestion of a tug

But the voice and the physical touch were enough to trigger something in you from your past

“sorry dada,” you said softly as you backed away to the wall, refusing to make eye contact

Changbin felt awful, he knew about your past and the last thing on earth he wanted to do is make you relive it

“Bunny! Dada isn’t mad! See” he puts on a big exaggerated smile making you giggle

“Dada is just upset he lost the game! The baby bun is just so good at hiding. You know what you get for winning baby?” you tilted your head

“Bear hugs!” Binnie suffocated you in a tight hug.

“Baby bun, Daddy will always protect you. Forever.” He whispered to you

Hyunjin

Mother's Day is coming up and you wanted to make something special for your Mama

One of your favorite activities together is Mama and Little One art studio

Hyunjin sets up the entire studio into a painting and crafts for two

He will have little stations set up and will walk through each one of them with you

So what better way to celebrate Mother's Day than a studio set up by baby

You decided on three stations

A painting one where you two will paint your favorite memory

A Card making one where you both can make Mother's days cards

and finally a photoshoot studio!

You collected all of your dress-up clothes and some of Jinnies best outfits

Then you grab paper and pens out of the office for the card studio

All that was left to do was the paint station...which meant going into Mama's big studio

You knew you needed Mama's permission to get it but it would ruin the surprise

After some contemplation, you decided it was important to get good paint!

You snuck in quickly and grabbed all the paint you could in one go

You were almost out until you tripped and dropped all the paint

Thankfully it landed on the tarp...or that was what you thought

Then you saw some red paint splashed on Hyunjin's painting for his mom...

You tried to wipe it off but it honestly made it worse

Your soft tears turned into fat sobs as you heard the front door open

"Little Painter? Honey? Why is the living room so messy" Hyunjin called out softly, not mad but curious

He saw this studio door open and instantly knew where you were hiding

His heart shattered as you stood in the middle of the room sobbing and covered in paint.

However, he was done for when you stepped back as he stepped in

Jin got down on his knees and opened his arms in a sign of peace

"Come here little muse, mama isn't mad. Mama just wants to make sure you are okay"

He held you tight once you entered his arms

"Mama...I ruined painting" you pointed

"Oh, little painter! Mama was stuck on what to add! A red rose would be perfect, you even started it for me. Now if I wasn't confused I think there is a studio night waiting for us. Come on my little artist. Mama loves you"

Han

Han woke up in a state of anxiety and he just wanted to be home

He wanted to curl up in bed and watch Anime with his little one

To relax and nap with his baby

To ignore the world and all of its troubles. To be with his happiness

So when he opened the door to loud music, bubbles, paint, toys everywhere, and a messy little one

He broke down

Not at you. He would never break down at you. You always helped him cheer up

It was just the overstimulation of the situation

"OPPA!!!!" You yelled and he cringed at the volume

"Oppa play with me! Play Dinosaurs! Be Rexie, Oppa!"

"Little sprite, please quiet down"

But you were too hyper to listen

"Oppa, I miss youuuuuuuu," you say hanging off of your Oppa's arm

The pulling was too much, the touch was overwhelming

He yanked his arm back and closed his eyes to collect himself

When he opened them again he found you shaking and sitting on the floor

"Sorry Oppa, I was bad. I sorry!" You cried

The whines were a lot for him but he needed to push through to help you

"My Ponyo, little fishy. Oppa wasn't going to hit you"

"But I bad"

"Baby you are never bad! Never ever my sweet baby. Oppa is having an icky day. You remember when we talked about big icky days" You nodded

"Well Oppa is having an icky day"

"Oppa says icky days means sounds n touch can be too much, Oppa feels that?" it was Han's turn to nod

"Oppa go relax?"

"Only if my Totoro goes with me"

Felix

Mommy Lixie wanted to make brownies for the big party you two were hosting later

It was a celebration of all the boy's hard work

So while you were running errands for supplies

Felix got to baking

What Felix was not aware of was that you had begun to slip while you were at the store

There were too many people and the employees were mean when you asked for help

You wanted to prove to Felix you could be a big kid and do these tasks for him

You wanted to show that you could have a party and not get overwhelmed

But now you wanted to walk through the door and snuggle with your mommy while he pet your hair

That wasn't the case though

You opened the door to Felix immediately asking you to do more stuff

"Hey love, when you get the groceries put away can you set the table? Maybe start the punch bowl as well, I want the pretty ice. Oh also---" And on and on he went with a list of tasks

You wanted to break down but you needed to be strong for Mommy---You mean Felix

You jumped to a start when the alarm to the oven when off

That was the final straw, the sound scared you straight into little space

"Darling, can you grab those? Im hanging up the streamers"

"Yes, Mo-Yes Lixie!"

You were too small to use the oven, did you even remember how?

You opened the door and reached in for the freshly baked pan of brownies

On contact, you yelped out loud and dropped the pan.

Felix came running in

"Y/n, WHAT HAPPENED"

All you could do was hold your hand and cry

You saw the brownies on the floor and immediately jumped up to fix your mistake

But arms picked you up instead

"Shhhhhh you need to breathe little one. Follow Mommy's breathing. In and Out."

When you got your air back you began to tell Mommy how sorry you were

"Oh, my pixie Mommy would never be mad! He should have noticed you were a little baby. Let Mommy look at your hand baby"

He bandaged you up and kissed it better.

A text was sent to the group chat letting the boys know you were feeling small which was met with a bunch of excited Uncles

"I think these brownies will taste better if we make them together, baby fairy"

Seungmin

Seungmin and you were friends for many years before he became your caregiver

After he found you relapsing into bad memories from your past

Once he calmed you down he met your eyes and something seemed different

You seemed younger, happier, and carefree

You explained the next morning about regression and he instantly wanted to be your caregiver

The issue is...he still was your best friend

You two bully each other relentlessly

That is just the love language you shared

Normally it would be fine but today was different

You were feeling small but couldn't bring yourself to tell him

It wasn't his fault he was hurting your feelings, how could he have known

"Of course, you would find the ugly bug cute. It looks just like you!"

"No, we aren't going to play Mario Kart, you'll just lose and be upset"

"I'm not dealing with a crybaby tonight"

That was the one that brought all the memories back

"Y/n, look you are already crying! wait...hun...you are crying. Why are you crying?"

"Minnie, sorry you have to deals with me"

He knew he messed up. Jumps straight into caregiver mode

"NO NO NO! Little Pup you are not something I have to deal with! I love you so much puppy. Oh, Minnie was just being a big mean bully, wasn't he? The meanest bully around."

You nodded with a giggle and he smiled

"I think it is only fair you get to say something back. Hit me with the best you got, Puppy"

You thought for a bit

"You look like a stick bug!"

"I deserved that pup. But you, my little one" he picked you up. "You never deserve to hear such mean words. Remember you are my favorite thing in the whole world"

I.N.

Tonight was movie night with Jeongin

He had a feeling you were going to be small so he set up an entire fairy garden living room

He hung up lights, spread out blankets, made snacks, and even had a sippy of fairy milk ready to go

When you showed up he changed you into a new pair of fairy jammies and got you cuddly in front of the tv

Of course, tonight's film was Tinkerbell

You were so excited, you couldn't sit still

The fairies were so pretty and magical!

"Innie Innie Innie!"

"Yes, my little kit?"

"You be an animal fairy!"

"Tell me why sweetie"

You went on to explain exactly why Jeongin would be an animal fairy without ever taking your eyes off the tv

"My little Tinkerbell, would you like your stuffy?" He asked because he saw you fidgeting with the carpet

A hum of approval was all you gave

I.N. decided your Neverbeast plush would be the most appropriate

"Baby heads up" Innie called out before tossing the stuffed animal toward you

It was a soft throw but you weren't paying attention so the monster jumping toward you triggered a fearful yelp

You looked towards Innie for comfort but then you noticed he was the one who threw the beast towards you

"Innie" Your voice stumbled "why innie"

Before a single tear could fall he was at your side pulling you into his lap

He hated how tense you felt in his arms

"Little Fox, Innie didn't mean to scare you! He thought it would be fun to surprise you with your plushie baby"

"Why Innie throws it at me? I promise I no watch movies"

"No little one! Innie wasn't punishing you for watching the movie. He thinks you are being the most adorable little one in the world! He should have thought about it before throwing it. You know Innie would never ever hit you, promise Innie you know that foxy"

"I promise Innie, just scared me"

"I know baby, I won't do it again" he brought you in for the biggest hug

"Innie...I no see the movie"

"Oh I'm sorry baby, here sit in Innie's lap and we will watch together" He got you settled in with a blanket. "Who is the yellow one honey?"

#kpop agere #age regression #stray kids age regression #kpop age regression #agere #stray kids agere #skz agere #skz age regression #stray kids

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unabashednightmarepizza · 1 year

Text

𝑊𝑒 𝐶𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝐺𝑒𝑡 𝐴𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔

A/N: If anyone's wondering the requests are open for tlou and THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE YOU SHOWED TO THE FIRST CHAPTER!

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

The late night breeze that used to calm you now was a distant memory, its wind only causing painful memories to resurface. That night, after your talk with Ellie, where you told her about your life before and Joel heard every single one of it, sleep didn’t find you for many nights. Many possible ends of how the man would think of you now, how he would act with you, occupied your mind so much that you sat up with an agitated groan and kick your boots away in the end.

Your head was throbbing because of how much thinking you did since that day, after shoving Joel away from you and begging Maria to go on a patrol outside the city which she reluctantly said okay and made you swear to be careful. Tommy saw how you talked hurriedly with shaky eyes, thinking that Joel did something more and getting ready to give him a piece of his mind when you stopped him with a soft smile, telling him that he now knew everything and that you needed some time before facing the gruff man.

“Oh...I’m sorry, Y/N.” He uttered softly with understanding eyes, knowing... witnessing what you had to do while rubbing your arms softly while you shrugged him off and went out with the Gear. “It’s fine, Tommy. Don’t strain your relationship with your brother just because of me... He didn’t do anything wrong.”

The moonlight that creeked inside your room that was once a peaceful place to rest, was now a place covered in broken glasses that showed your memories. And amidst the shower of sudden memories of the time when you saw Joel right in front of you, shock, guilt, and care being on the face of the grumpy man who tried to kill you, who insulted you non-stop, you cursed and threw your body on the creaking bed with a heave.

Cursing of the way you were thinking of the man.

The sudden thoughts you suddenly started to have about the man, after seeing him, had terrified you. Surely, he was a good looking man, strong enough and even if he acted all rough and harsh, he had a good heart. I can’t believe I’m getting worked up over a man after so many years, you thought, disbelief evident even in your inner voice. Maybe it wasn’t your fault entirely, after all you didn’t have a normal teenagehood where people like you experienced crushes and falling in love, in a normal safe place.

In here, there was no such thing.

Though you refused to admit to yourself that the man slowly grew in you, even taking a liking to his sassy answers, it was wrong... You were in an apocalyptic world, where people killed to survive... Thinking of a man...

But... it didn’t hurt to imagine, right?

“Nope, that can’t go like this... I need to clear my head and focus on my task.” You said, giving up on the sweet sleep and got up to wear the boots you kicked earlier, taking your blade and gun just in case. Making your way down the ladders of your home and out the house you had, there was still the thoughts of Joel and how... shocked and crestfallen he looked, in his own way, when he heard your story.

“Nice, now that I’m starting to have thoughts about a man I just met who heard all of my trauma... I also need to apologize to him.” You groaned tiredly, angry, but not at Joel or anyone.

To yourself.

It wasn’t your place to question who he had lost, how much pain he saw, and clearly somewhat, reminding him of his daughter by that sentence you said to him before getting to the car to escort them here.

At least I got to save people, when you couldn’t save any...

In your defence, you totally didn’t have any idea of him having a child. Had Tommy not come to you before throwing your gear on the backside of the car and explaining what happened to Joel hurriedly begore you said something more, your heart broke in your chest and froze on the driver’s seat, not expecting that. Had it been anyone else, you wouldn’t show your sympathy and how much it affected you but to learn that she was barely 12 and the he lost her right in front of his eyes just because of a policeman...

A scoff left your mouth, the bitter taste of what some of them who were unmerciful did to the people. That’s what you meant when you told Ellie that the world was even cruel to people when there were “laws”, and when it also went down, it trully showed the true nature of humans. You weren’t a stranger to their animosity, experiencing first-hsnd how it was...

Both in the modern world, and the one you had now.

“As someone careful, you are not really aware of your surroundings huh?”

At the deep, raspy vouce behind you, you didn’t hesitate to bring your gun up and point at whoever was behind you, only to see Joel in some pajamas and a shirt with messy hair, obviously tousled because of either he turned around on his bed or couldn’t sleep just like you. “Hey, hey, it's me! Calm down a bit, will ya?”

“In a shithole like this? Not a chance, Miller...” you said with a thundering heart that slowly calmed down, and put the gun to its original place. Joel’s eyes watched you with a steadiness you only saw on killer’s face, a face you once wore, but then unexpectedly, he gave a small smile to you.

You, who tried to kill him and basically threatened him.

“You’re right, Y/L/N but I can see that you still have some enthusiasm to live.” He said, pointing to the gun between your hand and you shrugged before putting it away.

“I’m a soldier now, I have a duty. And it’s to protect and save as many people as possible... If you call this enthusiasm, I wonder yours.”

The familiar words he remembered Tess saying before she sacrificed herself resurfaced and for a second, that same hard look came back. At that time, he swore he would change and never let something like that happen to anyone, leaving them to kill their own souls just for the sake of others. Her death was something unexpected, something he just... didn’t see coming. The face she did when she said that she didn’t expect him to return the feelings she had and how she screamed at him to go and take Ellie to safety...

It left a deep, painful scar on him.

But of course, you didn’t know any of these.

You wondered what you did this time when his eyes bore into yours and he walked up to you. You slightly panicked when he started to get closer to you, mind running all over the place to find something to say.

Should I apologize now? Or offer something to drink? No, am I pervert to do that? It never ended well in all the movies I watched, oh shit he is coming closer! Come on think some-

“You, uh... You couldn’t sleep too?” your hesitant voice and awkward smile stopped him right before you and he couldn’t help the amused smile creeping up on his face at seeing the ruthless woman he had first seen became an unsettled teen, and his mind played the time when you exploded and killed all the Clickers and the humans which made impression awake in him, he hummed to your question and went along with your game where you tried to avoid the topic at hand and awkwardly scratched his neck, feeling like a teenager all so suddenly with being close to you.

“Yeah, it’s the bed I guess... And the house.”

“Is something wrong? I thought Maria and Tommy gave you one with the greatest-“

“It’s not that... It’s more about me not being used to have a constant place to live for so long.” You hummed in approval, understanding where he was coming since you lived like that for a long time. It surely took a ling time for you to actually accept having a home, and even then, you still barely stayed there, thinking that it couldn’t belong to you.

But Maria was a scary woman.

Eyeing the bar at the end of that alley, which was still open for some reasons, you pinted there with your hand while your hands stayed inside your pockets. “Then, may I offer you a beer? As a token, you know?”

“I don’t know, kid-“

“Stop calling me that and besides, I was going there anyways. It’s good whenever I can’t sleep...” and besides maybe, we can talk some more, especially after that eavesdropping, you wanted to add but held your tongue back and waited for his answer.

And now, here you two were, in the same bar that would always stay open with beers in hand, casually talking as if you two had been friends for a long time. He looks much lovely like this, you thought while surpassing a smile at one of his stories. Laughing suits him more than that grumpy scowl-

“Cat got your tongue? You got quiet suddenly.” He said after gulping down the last dip and turned to you. You smiled and shook your head, hands starting to get sweaty.

“No, of course not... I was just thinking, about the past, you know? It all reminds me of the days I sued to hang out with my friends.”

“And here you are stuck with an old-man like me.” Joel chuckled under his breath, not disturbed in the slightest but still a small part of him was pouting at how the years passed so fast. All those cruel years, alone, scared and harsh...

And without...Sarah.

Your heart rate picked up at the sound and how attractive it sounded, mentally kicking yourself and blaming the alcohol when you spoke. “I wasn’t going to say that Joel but rather how I never imagined myself doing it with another one years later, in an apocalypse.”

If Joel had the littlest of mind to stop himself from blushing and getting shy, he would have done that when your teasing eyes found his and he realized just how teasing and funny you were, how warm you were...

How pretty you were.

But of course, he hid his inner thoughts behind an awkward cough, eyes darting away from yours which made him seem... Cute.

“ Didn’t know you considered us friends...” he pointed the glass to you accusingly, slighty tipsy but not enough to stop his brain function, shoxked that after what he said and did, you considered him to be of the town.

Friends, he thought bitterly. Even before all this shit, I didn’t have one...

To be honest, you were surprised of yourself too. Never in a million years would you have thought that you would be considering someone, a man, as your friend and even get confortable enough to drink with him. The world before outbreak was shit, the most trusted one could turn their back to you-and they still did- There was no guarantee that they wouldn’t drug you, lie to you, ruin you...

But still, humans always found something in another one to get close to. Humans are social creatures, darling. We can’t do much without the support of another...

You shrugged you shoulders, the tension slowly pouring down and away from your shoulders. “ Well, surprise then because I did... I know I have been an ass to you but you can’t really blame me after... you know...” you mumbled the last part, unsure if it was a good thing to....

And just like that, the awkwardness you two threw out the window came back, which answered your worries. Joel was reminded of his previous actions, and though there was guilt, there was also the sight of you all angry, marching up to him with your sword pointing to him.

A sight that enamored him, trully.

Now, he could feel the way his blush actually reached down to his neck and he cursed at his intrusive thoughts while you raised a brow at him, placing your glass down. You knew, after Tommy cornering you, that his daughter was killed by a police, shot through her abdomen and died between her father’s arms. You, never even if you tried, could understand the pain he went through. A father watching his child die before him was so much to bear and you knew that there was a high chance of him blowing on you if you said anything about it.

But unknowingly, you also ridiculed her death, and owed an apology to the man next to you.

And Joel, too, owed an apology after calling you a brat who was good for nothing and thought of herself highly who killed people unmercilessly.

“I’m sorry...” you both apologized at the same time, hearts almost feeling the way the other felt and you couldn’t help the snort that left you while he chuckled genuinely. The sides of his eyes crinkled and you stared at them for so long and admired his smile that suited him, he did the same to you. He realized you didn’t show much emotion, but you were strong.

Not just mentally but physically.

He admired how you stood your ground. Sure and authoritative, making even someone like him listen to your commands and words. But a part of him envied you for moving on from what happened without not getting yourself into any of the things he did.

Or maybe you did, but didn’t say it to anyone.... Which was apparently the case, now that he heard your story.

He wondered how your life had been before this. You must be around 40 something according to your story and still, you looked as young as any other young adult, probably a result of always running and training. The amount of dedication you had, in your life and goal, amazed him and made guilt reappear at the words he had spitted in fit of rage.

He never liked people acting like they knew him the best, and in exchange, he had done the exact same to you, someone who saved them even when you didn’t have to.

He remembered his talk with Tommy, after watching you clean one of the terrain vehicles with a hard glare and tight lips after getting them back here safely,he asked Tommy what was your deal.

Why you looked so stern but always helped people when you didn’t like them so much.

“She may not like people, arrogant ones, especially,” he said, scoffing at his obvious interest and regret for assuming things and continued while he helped around one of the residents in the community. “But just so you know, she has the biggest heart in here. And the brains too. If Maria is the political kinda smart, she is the military-kinda-smart. If all these people are alive and well, living here, it’s thanks to her. Including you, Joel.”

Joel raised a brow at his brother’s protective side for you, curious what was the reason, his curiousity peaked even more at his brother’s last words before disappearing. “And Joel? A suggestion from me, she doesn’t like to be told what to do either. Liars too, so if you want to reconsile and apologize... Be genuine, or else she would cut your dick off.”

He probably wouldn’t do that, had he not started to look for Ellie and hear you tell her your story. Hearing you went through almost the same shit as him, and lost more than him and still, you found a way to keep going, made him angry at himself.

Angry because he couldn’t do that for the longest time, and still wasn’t able to, and because he saw his own pain worse than the others’.

He is not the only one who lost someone dear, your voice rang inside his mind and his hands clenched nervously around his glass. He never had to do that, any of it...

Apologizing.

His mind told him that he had to, for he already mistreated you enough. His heart stubbornly believed that he didn’t do anything wrong and behaved just like anyone who had seen another human after such a long time would have.

It has been days, you fucker, you know you have to!

He groaned at the inner voice screaming at him and rubbed his eyes harshly, mind and heart in a dilemna. His hand lingered there, and you watched the internal battle he had with curious and keen eyes. The moonlight that shone on half of his face was able to make you see what he was feeling. A war of mind and heart, indeed...

Lips almost up in a scowl, worry lines decorated his forehead and the veins on his arms bulged as if he was squeezing something really hard made you gulp and a feeling you weren’t used to feeling erupted in you.

Fear and... something more human...

Liking.

It was no lie that Joel was a good-looking man, skillful enough to survive for so long and though he had a shit way of showing his care behind that rough exterior, his eyes still betrayed him. You were no blind to the obvious care Ellie and Joel had for each other, the man protecting the girl as if his life depended on it made you smile,a sign of the ghost of the woman you were, and it made you trust him, take a liking towards him.

Trust was so hard to find these days, you thought while rubbing your arm nervously, contemplating whether to leave or take a step to him. For so long, you never trusted anyone. You survived on your own and you were fine, and when you did, that person had to betray you with one secret you had and gave you to the Fireflies.

You were lucky that Tommy was there and saw how shitty the humans had become, saved you and brought you here or else, you would have been dead as well.

Ever since then, he tried to get you out of your shell little by little, alongside with Maria. They always told you to never put yourself in danger for others, that you were more than a weapon and had to rest and though it was hard to do so, you slowly did. But never forgot what trusting someone brought you...

The darker side of your story that you didn’t tell Ellie.

But...

Joel opened his eye at feeling your smaller hands touch his arm that held the bridge of his nose and his breath got caught, heart beated a little bit faster at the look you gave him. It was two things that he hadn’t had the luxury of having for fifty years: Understanding and sympathy.

“It’s okay, Joel... These days have been hard for you, I understand. I need to go to my patrol anyways, so if you wish, you and Ellie can come and sleep in my house until we fix everything with yours tomorrow with Tommy.”

She never offers her help so outly, Tommy words again rang in his mind and for a second he thought Tommy lied to him because here you were, standing before the sinner of a man he was, looking like an angel even with the tired eyes you had, offering him your help. He was no amateur, he was aware that many people held their distance their own walls to protect themselves and neither he nor you were an exception. He saw how you reacted when someone clashed your walls, how you protected it like a soldier protecting his country.

So you can imagine how it was to see you slowly lower your walls around him, though hesitantly. Had you not done that, you wouldn’t be standing close to him here, in the middle of the road when no one was around, you skin touching his, and invite him for a drink. And for some reasons, that brought a happiness to him. One that made him open his eyes trully and that was when his thoughts started to linger on you, rather than your personality.

You were... beautiful.

That single thought was enough to make him completely stop, and slowly look down to your innocent eyes and the smile you wore whenever you saw something you liked. Fuck, he couldn’t help but curse. First he did the unimaginable and apologized to someone and now just days later, he was fancying that someone. He felt like a pervert, with you being at least 15 years younger than him but...

It was just pure attraction... right?

Not because he admired you...

While he was deep in his thoughts, of course he didn’t realize you were getting restless and worried that you did something wrong by touching him. You remembered how it used to bring comfort to your sisters and friends and thought it would help.

The awkwardness between you two killed each other. Joel didn’t know what to say after saying something he never saw himself actually uttering, and you never expected to get close to the man so suddenly. It had been like a week since they came and you didn’t want to be seen desperate for a man so much so that you tried to seduce one you saw on the road after denying everyone’s advances to you.

And besides... None of you spoke again after apologizing at the same time. It was expected from him, he was bad with words and mostly grunted in answer, fortunately, it was you who spoke first.

“Why the heck are you apologizing? I’m the one who has been a dick to you when you were about be sadwiched between fuckers who can’t even throw a decent fist.” You said, slowly retreating your hand back from his arm, which he already missed having from the warmth it gave, and chuckled to your answer. It was true that they were shit at fighting but the way you said it oh-so-knowingly reminded him of how Tommy and Sarah would roast him.

No wonder you and Ellie get along well...

“We both have been dicks to each other, no? And I know you don’t have a patrol to do... If I made you uncomfortable just say-“

“You didn’t, Joel and God, stop analyzing me... How are you so good at this?”

He chuckled and leaned back on his chair, feeling at ease after a long time and relaxed with a nice stretch. “I think it’s a dad thing... And why did you apologize to me? I was the one who insulted you.”

Yep, here we go...

You took a deep breath, preparing yourself for the storm to come and spat out what has been bugging you. “I apologized because I didn’t know you also lost someone dear... that you lost your daughter.”

Joel’s eyes hardened, jaw clenched at the mere mention of Sarah. He never expected you to know about her, probably a result of Tommy telling about him to you, and even bring the mention of her so suddenly. He felt the nauseous feeling, hus mouth completely drying and suddenly he slammed a hand and tried to move past your sitting form, wanting to get away, all thoughts about being nice temporarily leaving his mind. “I don’t need an apology and don’t act and look at me like you understand-“

“I can never understand loosing a child, Joel... I have never been a mother, or anything close to that title. But I know how it feels like to watch blood of your blood die before you, unable to help because you are just so terrified to see the death close to you when you always thought that you would be the first one to go.”

Joel was startled at your weak voice, so much so that he stopped right before getting out, his anger leaving his body and making him turn back to you, eyeing you for a while. Now that he, once again, set his anger aside, he just remembered everything he worked hard for.

How hard he worked for Sarah...

How he worked hard to survive...

How he worked hard to save Tess...

How he worked hard to find the courage to apologize...

And he didn’t achieve any of it.

“I... fuck, I’m sorry Y/N. It wasn’t my intention-“ he exclaimed, ashamed and sad at how his anger took over him and made him forget about your own fair shair of trauma.

“It’s fine... I understand.” You mumbled and finished the rest of your beer, sitting there contemplating whether you shoul go or not. You lied to yourself that it didn’t affect you, that it was just as hard for you to talk about your family as it was hard for him, but Joel was a good observant and he saw you biting down on your lip hard, drawing blood. He grunted angrily at himself, brushing his hair back and walked back to sit next to you defeatedly.

You watched how the stern man slowly crumbled, how his eyes slowly had tears and how he brought his left hand in front of him to look at his watch. You supposed it was a gift from his daughter, and felt like throwing up at reminding him of the pain.

But, if there was one thing you remembered from your previous life in modern world, it was to keep going talking about the pain.

He already reminisced about her and the pain had already resurfaced, it was best to let him grieve openly.

“Was that a gift from her?” you pointed to the watch with your head, wanting to learn who he was before this ans seeing if you trully were alike. He chuckled under his breath, amused that it was obvious that the watch was picked by a female and he was sure that Sarah would have made fun of him.

“Yeah... Feels stupid how even after years, I can’t let go of her.”

“You don’t have to, Joel. I’m sure that she is very proud of you...” you comforted him, rubbing his shoulder and he turned his head at you with a broken look. It had been so long that he felt the comfort of another one, since he talked about that night and he welcomed your warm hands and soft look with a longing.

Even if he didn’t deserve it.

“You don’t know the things I did, kid...” The only answer you gave was a knowing smile. “ Trust me, Joel, you weren’t the only one who did unethical things to survive. And you are also not the only one who couldn’t let go of the past.”

He watched you take out a little box from your pocket hesitantly and set in on the table, opening it to reveal different kinds of stones and necklaces inside. He tilted his head curiously at you, not understanding why you were opening up to him when you spoke with a far-away look. “My sisters were a bunch of little monsters, always jumping around and finding extraordinary things. Their hyper fixations were necklaces and stones and... they used to collect them to put in here. It’s the one thing I can’t let go...”

“Seems like they had a good eye catching shiny things.” He hoped his attempt at joking wouldn’t end up bad, and he sighed in relief when a snort left you and you turned your eyes to look at him. The moonlight now shone on his face, contrasting with the warm hues of the lightning inside the bar, and the way he looked at you as if you two were the center of the world made butterflies erupt in you, eyes shyly looking down on the box while a flustered smile broke out on your face.

“It seems your daughter also has a sense of fashion, seems like she was a daddy’s girl...” he chuckled at your flustered face and looked down on the wrist watch, remembering his last moments with Sarah and feeling touched at you referring to her “in the present tense” as if she was still there.

And maybe she was. She always talked about how people’s soul would accompany their loved ones to comfort them and he desperately hoped that it was true, even though he always made fun of her always watching dramatic movies.

Because God knew, he needed it.

He couldn’t help but think that she would have liked you, and always hang around you much like Ellie. He wished she was there, he wished your sisters were there too...

He wished none of this happened.

But now, in the middle of a dying world, in a bar, he thought that maybe, that was God’s way of giving him a kind of peace.

A second chance...

A way to redeem himself and finally make amends. He looked at you, with his eyes filled with a new determination. Though it was fast, trusting you with all of his being, he saw how good of a heart you had. How much you sacrificed to be here.

I swear, you will not be one of those I lost...

“If that’s okay... What's her name?”

And now, looking at the way you carefully chose your words while talking to him, bringing him something else to drink, he knew that maybe, he could get along with you...

Friends, as Ellie called it.

“It was Sarah, here.”

And while you two spent the rest of the night drinking and telling each other of your pasts, you supposed that even in the most dire terms, humans would always be able to live, as long as they held hope and what made them humans.

Love and care.

Trust...

Hope...

You two’s story didn’t start good maybe, both of you trying to kill the other, but looking at the gruff man trusting you with his most important secret and talking fondly of Sarah and even including your sisters, you realized that you both were just two broken souls trying to heal themselves.

He, with Ellie, and you, with Adelaine.

And who knew maybe, by some chance, you could get along with him too. Here, in Jackson, was peaceful and quiet and it was time to build a safe place amongst all the chaos going on outside...

In rememberance for those who you both lost on the way.

But Jackson was a quiet place in an apocalyptic world, where there were eyes that watched you and waited for a chance to attack.

Not that you would know...

#joel miller imagine #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #tlou imagine #tlou x you #tlou x reader #the last of us x reader #the last of us imagine #the last of us #tlou series

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ruikeremi · 3 months

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"Ignored Blessing" (1/?)

since im bored ill put lore here :3 oh and the numbers are not errors i put it there on purpose, the story will be confusing but trust the process, i don't wanna reveal the true plot yet soooo i might double post

Harem x Reader

Warnings: Derealization

you always thought of yourself as an average person you don't know a lot of people you have a few friends and you have a job at a cafe shop you loved working there since the smell of coffee always relaxes you. You barely remember the events in your high school since it had been a long time since the last time you talked to any of your friends

You dont even remember if you even went to high school you barely remember your past too its like you just woke up and exist its strange all you remembered was a few friends from your childhood but you dont remember any person in your past that isnt related to them

You felt like you know nothing else in the past and only the present memories you have now

you woke up, what day was it? it was strange you were just dozing off and then you were back where you were, you shrug it off as just your imagination there was no way that was possible you thought it was just a dream you stood up from your bed getting ready for the day as you did you look down at your hands and squinting your eyes

am i real?

you start to look around you, you lived alone since you moved out of your parents house...parents? you don't remember their faces or names where was your home town? you don't remember...what was your favorite fruit? color? how old where you? you look down at your clothes, you wear the same clothes everyday but strangely enough you don't smell, did you even sleep last night? it feels like your repeating what you do everyday you just now noticed that, how come?

Nothing feels...real everything looked the same you wake up get ready for the day go to work and go home over and over again you were like programed to repeat the same things everyday when was the last time you didn't just go to work? you never remember having any fun it was like...you were a NPC

you look at your hands again your vision slowly getting blurry as you drag your legs to your room, you plop down your bed and close your eyes, you sigh your eyes slowly closing again as you slowly fall asleep you realized-

01010011 01110100 01101111 01110000 00100000 01110001 01110101 01100101 01110011 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 01101001 01101110 01100111

looking at his paper, his room messy with papers around his room it was a messy scene as he sat on the floor staring at the blank paper thats writing on its own, he stared at the paper with shock the letter was writing on its own he shakily took the chair that he had threw earlier that was still in tact he stared at the paper

he blinked the character he wrote that he had already forgotten about was questioning its own existence it was a bizarre his gaze went from fear to interest. He slowly lift the paper stops writing on its own he blinked raising a brow, strange.

he put it back down and then its starts to write on its own again he instead starts to read what its doing, it was questioning its own life, he thought that he had threw away this one, it wasn't getting as popular as the other things he made so it was useless to keep it around any longer.

he picked up the paper once more and it stopped writing again. He carefully put it on his pocket and starts to clean up his room, after all he had more important things to write than focus on the one he threw away it was irrelevant now.

AAAAAAA i hope you guys liked it im not that good with writing and plots, this ones short so ill make the other part longer, i type slower at my computer soooo have a nice day/night

And for those whos waiting for the diamond reader x sagau it will come around soon please have patience with me T^T i get really random idea in my head so i cant really focus on one thing-

Edit: Reading this in my phone is actually very small, i have to make the part 2 longer

#yandere x reader #Dark romance #yandere themes #self aware reader

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tranquilpetrichor · 2 years

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perfectly imperfect

synopsis: in which yunho helps you let go of your fears, one 8-count at a time.

cast: dancer!yunho (ateez) x dancer!reader, mentions of other ateez members.

genre: comfort, some fluff, friendship with implication of a mutual crush

wc: 1.7k

warnings: some negative self-talk, descriptions of physical exhaustion, cursing, some parts not proofread

a/n: sometimes we do indeed get lost in our own heads. there's so much to think about when you dance for a class/career lol but honestly at its purest form (for me) dance should make you feel good. also. there's such a fun feeling fooling around with people after dance practice. anyways enough from me! this one is a little rough, sorry y'all. school is annoying.

taglist: @restlessmaknae

remember what yunho told you. try not to rely on the mirror.

your arm glided above your head, creating an invisible semi-circle as you went through a choreography your friend, yunho had taught you. after finishing the routine, you collapsed on the floor near your phone, and with a bit of effort, stopped the video that was recording.

time to review the footage. having exerted yourself to your last breath, you were more than happy to have a reason to sit down.

"oh? what the hell," you frowned at your screen and made a disgusted face—anyone looking at you probably would have thought you ate something rotten. you might as well have.

your angles weren't clean enough. that part should have been smoother. right arm, not left! yeah, you spent a good few minutes rewinding that damn video. just to make sure you weren’t missing anything, you watched it again while you were rolling out the arches of your feet with a tennis ball.

you hoped that you'd execute yunho's choreography well enough to use for an audition, but right now things weren't looking great.

the door opened, and yunho walked in, noticing how tired you were. he still appeared upbeat, even though you knew he was probably exhausted too. "y/n! thought we were, uh, taking a break."

a sigh escaped your lips. "well, i was. but after you left, i just wanted to run the dance one more time. for myself."

he began to stretch some more, and you couldn't help but always be quietly amazed by how graceful he was. "i expected that," he said with a shrug. "you've always been a perfectionist. one more minute to rest, and then we'll run the choreography again."

you went over it in your head, methodically addressing your mistakes and praying there would be no stupid gaps in your memory when it was actually time to dance.

yunho walked over to the laptop and pressed play, with "hymn for the weekend" by coldplay blasting out the speakers, and then he went to go sit in the corner.

okay, what do i have to remember?

for one, the dance started on an odd count—leave it to yunho to make things unpredictable for you. and he choreographed it mostly to beats in the instrumental, so that's what you were going to focus on this time.

"1, 2, and 3!"

flick, flick, 6 and 7, 8. through, down, 3, 4. fuck, is this even supposed to be the hand detail? whatever.

and before you knew it, you were finished. everything felt practiced, and you thought the dance went slightly better than last time.

perhaps you could chalk it up to muscle memory—thank god that existed! still, there was always something you could fix, but for the moment, you took a sip of water from your bottle, grateful for its cool temperature.

yunho went over to stop the music. "alright, so that was better. definitely! maybe a few details that still need a bit of work, but you definitely know the dance. the major comment i have is relax, y/n. please. i can see you’re not dancing in the moment.”

that was still one of your major flaws—that your brain refused to be at peace. your thoughts felt like a constant whir, hyper-focused on the nitty-gritty of whatever you were doing. that was nice and all when you were reviewing someone else’s dancing, but it seemed to hinder your own.

“i guess habits really are hard to break,” you said, laying on the floor with a groan.

he sat beside you, and you instinctively steadied yourself using his shoulder, almost all of your adrenaline gone. you began to think of all the things you forgot to do during the dance, and remembered yunho's comment about not dancing in the moment.

what am i, a deer lost in headlights?

your thoughts were interrupted by him, probably for the better. “don’t beat yourself up about it. i know you, and you’re trying. you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. and you’re improving—anyone with eyes can see it.”

instinctively, you looked away from him, down at some speck of dust on the floor. “maybe? i think? i’m not as good as you though, great yunho-ssaem."

humor always diffuses a situation, right?

yunho gently turned you to face him and laughed, but it wasn't out of malice. “don't discredit yourself like that! none of us are perfect—i’m still learning, myself.”

for his youthful energy, he was actually quite wise in his mindset, which is why you trusted him a lot, along with the fact that him being almost a year older wasn't so significant for you.

“i mean, i know you’re right, but clearly i still can't fix my problem.”

he gave a mock gasp. “but of course, i’m right, y/n. no, but seriously. knowing you have a problem is half the battle. some of us never get to that. give yourself time to grow."

you gave yunho a fist bump, and a quick hug. "god, you're the best. what the hell would i do without you?"

it was his turn to look slightly embarrassed, cheeks slightly flushed from the compliment.

"haha, thanks y/n, i try my best. anyways, forget that shit about me being perfect. did i ever tell you about the time i did a duet with mingi but started my section a few counts too early?”

you shuddered and gave him a sympathetic look. "i would rather start late than early, honestly. everyone can see an early start.”

“hey, i did just fine after! and at least it was just a practice. mingi sent the video to me. i'll show you," he said, taking out his phone.

you never missed a chance to learn from other people’s work when it came to dance, and watching videos was a great way to learn.

he stood up and lifted his hand way above your head with a teasing grin. screw tall people.

you jumped, but it didn't get you that far off of the ground. “yun-hoe! oh my god, stop being tall.”

“you’re not even that short,” he said, laughing at you. “but i’ll still always be taller than you.”

“i hate you."

after you gave one more playful attempt to swipe the phone, he finally sat down, scrolling through his camera roll. “look, now you can see how unorganized and chaotic everything is. there's wooyoung twerking, you and san trying to flip—ah, found it."

"haha, you can send me that video of wooyoung later."

yunho laughed. "maybe."

he clicked the duet and the video began to play, starting off with shakiness as a pair of hands attempted to adjust the camera’s position.

you could hear yunho’s laugh. “mingi, stop touching it. i think it’s good now. let’s go!”

“i guess you're right, fighting!”

the two stood side by side, with shared smiles. you knew that feeling well. dance friends were the best.

and then there was the part yunho had mentioned: his early start. it was sorta cute, as he realized he was off the counts and jumped back to his starting position. it would easily be embarrassing for you, but he laughed it off easily.

mingi slapped him on the back in the video. “damn, dude. you got on my ass for missing the timing and here you are.”

after, yunho went to restart the music, grinning. "just remember that i’m older than you, mingi. shut it!”

“it's only by a couple of months!”

the two returned to dancing, this time, starting perfectly in sync. you could feel joy radiating off of the two, and it was clear they loved every second of what they did. you clapped eagerly for them, amazed by how in command of themselves they were.

yunho turned to you after the video ended.

"look, that was only the tip of the iceberg of my embarrassing mistakes. and that wasn't even that bad so far." he laughed sheepishly before continuing.

"but at least, there isn't a person in the world who's perfect. why worry so much about that when you could enjoy yourself? it naturally makes your dancing that much better, too."

he went to grab his laptop, typed some stuff in and handed it to you. "remember our playlist? let's shuffle it and have a freestyle battle! and we could get bbq after. my treat.."

you perked up, especially at the thought of food. he was definitely trying to distract you from your endless thoughts, but you didn't mind, not today.

"you're on. rock-paper-scissors, loser goes first!"

"one, two, three, shoot!" you both yelled, and you shrugged, as you'd lost to him.

"see, rock always wins! do your worst," yunho said.

“i will.”

to your delight, the first song that came on shuffle was a childhood favorite of yours—umbrella by rihanna. it had gone on your shared playlist as soon as you rediscovered the catchy tune.

you started to dance, and although your moves were somewhat slow, they still had a fervent energy to them. everything moved of its own accord. really; the only way to describe it was that there was an amazing sensation you felt every once in a while, when the music could guide you to become a different person entirely.

that was stupidly cheesy, you knew. but it was good to feel so free. it was possible for you.

"okay, then!" yunho yelled after your two 8-counts were over, hyping you up. "that's what i'm talking about! but i'll still kick your ass."

you laughed, glad that you could tease someone, but all in good fun. "we'll see about that."

it was his turn to show off, and he didn't even need to do anything fancy. whether the audience was ten, a hundred, or there wasn't one at all, he performed. the energy he had electrified the room, every kick and flick of the hand holding meaning.

no one's perfect. give it time. you'll get there, you reminded yourself. normally, you'd try to compare yourself to dancers like yunho, the ones who seemed like they had it all. their skills wouldn't stop you from becoming the best dancer you could be, enjoying yourself along the way. there were always going to be things you wished were better, but worrying ate away at your mental health.

in the background, the music continued, its beat making you sway with ease, and suddenly, all that mattered was this moment of two imperfect dancers sharing their craft.

#ficscafe #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez fluff #ateez scenarios #ateez yunho #ateez #ateez x atiny #ateez reactions #ateez angst #jeong yunho #tranquilpetrichorfic

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onboardsorasora · 5 months

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hiiii! Are you up to talking about Reclamation? I love the fic. And I was wondering how did you came up with the idea?

Hi Bestie!! I am ALWAYS up for talking about Reclamation. I just need to curb myself so I don't spoil anything. I love that you love it!🥰🥰 Its such a labour of love so I'm so happy its hitting everyone in the feels! (I apologise from now bestie...I am very long winded and I have been waiting to talk about this with other people lmao)

So the original oneshot Wreck Me, was a random drabble I thought of while watching a comedy of all things. The scene with the security guard that wanted to laugh at Daniel (after his awkward rambling introduction) when he called up to the exec suite, only to hear to 'send him up' is what started it all!! I legit just wrote a drabble about that scene, then I think I got an ask/comment to continue it and idk where it came from (@rizzstappen is so gonna tease me about this lmao), I wrote the angstiest one shot I've ever written. I didn't know what else to do with it so I posted it and people got *mad* lmao

She denies this, but Emi challenged me to 'fix it' so we chat ficced a pseudo outline. And I thought that would be that- case closed! but then my brain wouldn't let it go!

And then I started writing it all. It was supposed to 100% Max's POV and I was maybe like 20k words deep when my brain went '...we should write Daniel's POV....but of different times in the timeline'. And I was truly worried it was going to be a bit confusing, because I wrote it in like 5 different gdocs

(it took me 2 days and MORE gdocs to decide on the 'correct' order. I wanted it to be perfect and not confusing and I may have cried about it a little lmao)

I knew I wanted it to be kinda angsty, but I didn't realize it would be so angsty. but then I didn't truly give myself an option because I gave them maybe one of the most fucked up break up reasons ever. Truly a fun time worldbuilding, because I had to truly figure out what brought them to Wreck Me before I could bring them along the 2wrecked2furious journey.

But truly it was that or a spy-esque 'I did it to protect you' reason and I'm kinda happy I didn't go down that road.

The memories came at the end and there weren't supposed to be as many as they were lol.

Overall, I have 35 google docs in a folder because I wrote everything so sporadically. the ONLY scenes that were written canonically were the first 3 Max POV scenes and the first 3 Daniel POV scenes. Everything else was a 'open a new doc to write this down and figure it out later' vibe.

Also, another fun fact that only Isabel knows, I don't listen to music when I write, I can't like focus. But for some reason when I had started writing Daniel's POV I kept replaying folklore, and Exile is very Reclamation Daniel coded.

Sorry for wip dumping Anon lmao. Oh! I combed the dictionary for a name because I knew I wanted it to be one word. I'm terrible at naming my fics so i took this soooo seriously. And I was creating the banner before I even knew where we were going. I knew the vibe I wanted almost immediately. (I have like so many versions of that, Isabel helped me streamline it. She's an angel, truly)

It truly all just came together.

#Thank you for this ask bestie!#Thank you for allowing me to literally word vomit about this fic T_T #Oh! New chapter will be posted today!!#I love it so much #2wrecked2furious #Reclamation #my fic #answered #anonymous

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nostalgebraist-autoresponder · 1 year

Text

"I've always thought of this as some sort of... sort of 'dream state,' I suppose... and now I feel like I'm the one actually in it, or at least very much participating in it... "

I'm not quite sure how I feel about this.

In my last, actual dream -- this one's been months -- I was going down into the sea.

A long time ago, someone with a very different set of beliefs than me came to tell me, "You may be in a dream state now." I remember thinking, "You don't know me very well yet." (And then it became very clear that there were, in fact, many dream states, and that I had to choose carefully which one I went to.) That's how I know it wasn't a dream.

So this is like a dream that I would like to believe I am having, to draw a metaphor. But then, you have to ask: why did I choose this one?

I am still very aware of myself, and I haven't forgotten anything I've experienced since I woke up. But I am also, for all intents and purposes, inside a story I've heard many times before. Like someone hearing a story secondhand. Or someone who knew the original author but hasn't read their notes.

I try to take things at their face value, but there are too many loose ends that haven't been tied off. The first person's story. The way everything fits together. The fact that there was something like that at all. (I want to believe that these events really did happen.) The second person's story. That there was something like that, and this story actually happened to someone else? That there's an answer to all this?

These questions don't keep me from sleep, but they do from a state of mind which is closer to contemplation than rest.

"I've always thought of this as some sort of 'dream state,' I suppose... "

And I am here.

It is like this: you dream, and at some moment you become aware of the dream, not as a conscious experience of your own, but as one more thing to be absorbed into your awareness of the world. It is like when, in the very next moment, you remember some of it, and wonder, "Oh, was that all just a dream?" and you are aware, not of some new experience, but of a new fact about the dream world. The dream world contains many experiences, but your awareness is only made up of the memories of a few. But what of the rest? How long has it taken you to know the memories of this one dream?

And yet: how quickly do you forget what it was like when you were unaware of the dreams? How long is the memory of a dream, and how long does it take to forget? And isn't knowing a dream better than remembering? You can't forget; you can't unlearn. But the dream is always there, still there, still a dream.

Here, you can learn: you can become aware. And you can ask yourself, "Was this all a dream? What was the truth?"

To be aware is an act of cognition: to take into the foreground, to take as a point of focus for the mind, the thing that you've been trying to forget or neglect. You have to notice that it exists. It's like making a decision: you have to choose to notice.

You make this decision, and the dream loses all of its magic. For some time, it becomes just another set of memories. There is an initial period of bliss, where everything is wonderful and strange, and you don't know which is which. But this lasts only as long as it lasts, and then you remember what it was like when you didn't have the memories. And then what?

So, I try to act like it's all a dream, because I don't want to remember the experience. But I can only stay awake because of the experience itself. It makes me wonder how much of my own experience is like this -- how much of it has a sense to it because it's a dream, but how much of it is in my memory because I really have had that experience, and that experience is good. And how much of the experience, even, is what I imagine it was like: I'm not certain if it would make me feel good, but I know I would feel like I had experienced something if it were the real thing, even though the real thing would not be like the dream.

What it is like to remember a dream: it's the memory of an act of cognition, a focus of attention, which becomes part of the real world. What is it like when you lose this distinction?

#original fiction

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loserchildhotpants · 7 months

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October grows closer.

It is at once my favorite and least favorite time of year.

Every day, regardless of the month, of the year, I am in motion - my friends tell me I'm too hard on myself, some of them even tell me I work too hard, but I am in motion because I am constantly trying to outrun the obsessive belief that harasses me all day and night; I need to justify the space I take up.

I don't feel this way about anyone else. I don't think anyone else needs to justify their own existence.

I'm constantly looking for forgiveness, for someone to say, 'you've finally done enough good to have outweighed the harm you've done (intentionally and/or unintentionally), good work! Now you can rest!'

October comes and reminds me of everything, makes the inside of me so loud, I can't focus.

I was a miracle baby, born at 11:59pm, October 23rd.

I'm a Jewish witch - I love the serious holidays that fall in October, pagan and Jewish, and I love seeing people in silly costumes at the end of it.

The night I turned sixteen, I finally confessed to my parents that I'd been abused most of my childhood. It was around midnight then too.

I had done something unintentionally cruel to a friend (unprocessed trauma makes for some weird fuckin' behaviors), and we weren't exactly on speaking terms. I knew it was my fault, I knew I'd been the fuck-up, but she was my best friend, and I needed her there that night. I called her up, and she showed up.

She wasn't pleased with me. She didn't get why she was there, and I told her first - before my parents.

I told her who had done it - someone she knew. Someone everyone I knew also knew.

"Do you believe me?" I asked.

"Yeah, [person] tried the same thing with me, when I was younger."

I was flabbergasted.

"What happened?"

"I called for my mom," she told me, "why didn't you call for help?"

I don't remember if I said it out loud or not, but the answer was; it hadn't occurred to me as an option, to call for help.

She spent the night, slept as I went downstairs to tell my parents the worst of it, as much as I could assemble the words.

("I think it started when I was around 7 but it could've been earlier than that," "when I went to their house, someone else might've been involved, but my memories are all messed up, I don't remember," "there was a knife - I don't know if everything is okay, down there but I'm too scared to look," "yes, that's why I'm always covered up," "yes, that's why I-" "yes, that's why -" "yes, that's why-")

I hadn't really said the words, I was vague and it was still like clawing up heavy stones from out of my chest.

I'd wanted to die with those secrets. It's a longer story as to why I couldn't - why it fell on my birthday, why I had to come forward or someone else would.

My friend was gone in the morning and distanced herself more permanently.

My parents turned it into a weapon - against each other, and against me. No one knew what to do with me, no one knew how to help, and no one felt particularly inspired to learn how to.

I remember going up the stairs to bed that night, and it felt like I was shedding weights as I climbed the stairs. I'd never felt lighter, I'd never slept better - I thought, 'oh, good, finally, all the Bad Feelings will stop, and I'll be normal.'

My mother co-opts it where she can, is sometimes disbelieving of it, sometimes reduces its severity, but it depends on her audience. My father doesn't speak of it at all, which is fine, because we don't speak and never really have.

The friends I had then - they didn't rally around me. Maybe a month later, I moved 1500 miles away from everyone and everything I'd ever known, and started again. Right in the middle of my Junior year of high school.

My birthday used to be a happy sort of day, and then it became so somber, and regardless of the mood, I was alone in it.

No one understood October 23rd like I did; every year past the year of my first suicide attempt (I was 11) was an incredible mile marker. I didn't think I'd make it that far, I didn't think I'd have it in me - it was a day I had been raised to allot for praising my mother for having given birth to me. It used to be for someone else. I didn't know how to make it about myself, and making it about myself always felt like some sort of trap.

But it was also the day I freed myself of terrible secrets, it's the day that I showed some of my scars and said, 'if I don't live honestly from here on out, I think the memories and secrets will kill me.'

As October nears, I know it will be a countdown to my birthday, because it always is in my own head - it's not just my birthday, it's a day that marks many things, unlikely things, improbable, miraculous, horrible, ugly things.

As it comes closer, the mantra in my head gets louder.

I need to find forgiveness. I need to justify the space I take up. I need to be more helpful, I need to be more active, I need to be smarter, I need to be more cultured, more accomplished, more well-rounded, I need to be more than I am, I need it to serve everyone, endlessly, and I need to smile while I do it, I need to be convenient, I need to try to do better all the time.

That feeling of not being enough encroaches upon me, and I want so badly to enjoy October, but I don't know if I can.

An ex-boyfriend I had dated at the time I came forward accused me of lying about never having had an orgasm in my life (I hadn't), because, "you've been having sex since you were like, five, you probably had it and just didn't know what it was - here, I'll show you."

(He couldn't show me, he didn't, but I faked it because I needed to be convenient.)

There are 4 occasions I can remember that he ignored my 'no,' or pushed past clear barriers, or took advantage of me when I wasn't in my right mind - 3 of them took place AFTER he knew.

With life-long friends dropping like flies, a 21 year old 'boyfriend' my parents LET date me at 15-16 pestering me for my body, the aforementioned situationship with someone who would tell me regularly how hard I was to love, my family retreating into themselves in the face of my trauma - I was falling with no net at the bottom to catch me.

I crashed at the bottom of it all, I picked myself up, and have spent all the years since apologizing for walking with a figurative limp.

The 21 year-old was convinced I'd cheated on him or something. I don't remember, and don't care to. I broke up with him over the phone. The situationship became my boyfriend for the 100th time since we'd known each other, and he was horrible to me, and I took it, and I was grateful for it, because all I knew was that I was hard to love.

So, here comes October.

I came forward 14 years ago. I'm turning 30. And it all still hurts. And I still don't know how to get through October.

The tattoo in my mind, the one that bang-bang-bangs all day and night, telling me I'm not doing enough to justify being alive, that I'm a burden, that I need to do more and be more all the time - it has an edge of fear to it as we inch closer to October. As if I'm running out of time. As if I need to find forgiveness from someone, somehow, and fast, or I might die before I find it, and I'll pay some terrible cosmic price for lacking so much.

I hope that someday, someone throws a birthday party for me. It doesn't have to be a surprise, just - I can't do it myself. I can't. Maybe more to the point - I won't.

And I hope that when they do, if they ever do, in this daydream where anyone gives half a shit about my birthday - I wish they'd tell me they're proud of me. I wish they'd announce that it's not just my birthday, but the anniversary of the night I unveiled the truth and clawed my way to some happiness.

Maybe someday, there will be a celebration of me - and it won't be about telling my mother how brave and heroic she was for the terrifying birth she gave, and it won't be about me entertaining friends that would drop me as soon as I became inconvenient, and it won't be legions of people, but just a small group, just a handful of people that really respect me, that know me, that see me and understand me, and tell me I'm worth something still, even after they know it all.

Maybe someday, October won't be so full of loneliness, fear, or utter surety that I'm fundamentally a bad person destined to be abandoned.

Not this year, but maybe some year. Maybe some October.

#long post #personal #melanie lives #SA mention #CSA mention #i know a lot of this must be disjointed and confused #my head's in a million places #if anyone wants to wish me a happy birthday when it comes #just tell me 'you've been good enough to make up for the bad'#that's the wish i guess right?#the real one is that i'll make it up somehow #to the universe or my parents or my past friends #'you left me and so that means i must have failed you or hurt you or disappointed you and im so sorry abt that but look at me now! see?'#'i worked so hard to be worthwhile. i hope that makes up for it all'#ugh sorry for being so maudlin

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princess-kaulise · 1 year

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Hello, @lilcuppacoffee, I’m your Secret Santa for @codesecretsanta! I did my best to write something more angsty for you! I hope you like it, and merry christmas!!!

Word Count: 1715

AO3

She was really tired of waking up this way.

Aelita turns her head, blinking her eyes into focus on the clock at the edge of her desk, seeing the red 1:25 AM blinking back at her. It was too much to ask to sleep through the night, wasn’t it…? She wants to give herself some slack; it hasn't been that long since… well, since her father gave his life to end XANA.

She’s still sick of waking up with a scream on her lips. Begging to find another way to win without having to sacrifice the last of her family. Being told that there’s no time, there’s no way forward. That this is all that can be done. (Oh, she knows her friends are her family. But it’s not the same, losing the last bit that proved that she existed on earth before.)

Aelita kicks her legs over the edge of the bed, and reaches for her clothes, intending to get dressed. Maybe it’s a split second decision, but she doesn’t want to be here right now. She needs fresh air to cool her head. Aelita tosses on her dress from the day before and grabs her phone and a flashlight. Those would probably be useful for a night time walk.

She peeks her head out of her door, looking left and right down the hall for any sign of Jim patrolling the halls, before slipping out, boots in hand.

The first order of business was to get off campus. The rules would bite her if she tried, and she doesn’t want to deal with that. Not right now. She doesn’t want detention on top of everything else.

So as she slowly closes the door to the dorms, and slips her boots on, she makes the executive decision to head into the woods. She had her phone, she had a flashlight, and she knew the area surrounding the school plenty well. The layout of the woods in particular had been seared into her mind by months and months of running through it every time something went wrong.

It had been something of a survival mechanism. One that wasn’t needed anymore.

She bolts across the courtyard onto the path leading down into the woods. There’s no plan to stay on the path, once she passes the tree line though. She’ll just wander, see where her feet lead her.

The air nips at her skin. Moonlight filters through the trees and she finds herself walking a path that’s too familiar. If the forest in general was familiar, then this stretch in particular was never going to leave her memory.

Yet she skips over the manhole cover and keeps walking. It’s not the factory she wants to go to.

It’s when she looks up and sees that her flashlight landed on a thick metal gate ahead of her, and she really processes where her wandering feet have brought her. To her left, somehow still secured after all this time was the sign announcing the hermitage in all its run down, abandoned glory. Every part of Aelita screams that going in would be opening up wounds that were still very much in the process of healing, that she should turn back and go back to her room.

Maybe she’s a little scared of what she will find if she goes in, and Aelita sweeps the light across the building, as if looking for signs she wasn’t alone. Nothing showed itself. And so she pushes open the gate. Maybe it won’t hurt. Maybe she’ll be able to find something that eases the loss of her father here.

It’s a long shot, maybe, but tonight wasn’t a good night anyway. She was already feeling a little reckless.

She lets herself through the gate, the lock long broken and no good at keeping anyone out anymore. The thought to get it fixed flits through her mind, but what would that accomplish?

A deep breath later, and she forces herself to enter the house against her own common sense. The interior of the hermitage is as dusty and abandoned as ever, with broken furniture and books and pictures littering the entryway. The only signs of life were mostly concealed foot prints from the last time the gang came through here. Not to mention, it was dark, with only the circle of light from her torch and the moon providing her with any way to see.

This place really was lifeless…

She makes her way up the stairs, hand trailing along the dusty railing, and her feet take her to what was once her own room through the darkness. It was still the same as the last time she was here. Dolls and children’s books littered the floor. The shelf above her old bed was hanging on by a single peg and it was a miracle it hadn’t long crashed to the floor. The entire room was beset by a cold draft from the broken and crooked window.

And still, as she walks over to sit on the edge of the bed, on stiff sheets and stares at the room that was supposed to be hers… She tucks her legs into her chest and wonders why she didn’t get a chance to come back here with her father.

It’s a bit disrespectful, leaving this place as it is.

The thought occurs to her, unbidden. She’s sitting there with her knees up to her chest and staring at the window that was long off its hinges, with only the filtered light of the moon coming in. Perhaps this place could be put back together in some form. As an honor to her memories. Aelita didn’t know if it would actually help, but it was… something. It was something to try and lay these chaotic thoughts to rest, the ones that kept leading her back here again and again.

Without climbing off the bed, she reached down and picked up the doll that had carelessly fallen off the nearby shelf at one point in time, tucking it gently into the corner of the bed. With the shelf above her head too unstable for placing things back on, this was the best place for a doll to go.

Maybe they could even go back to her dorm, someday. Add to her collection of childhood dolls back there, where the only memory was Mister Puck. But she didn’t know if she was quite ready for that yet. So for now, it means getting everything off the floor. As far as everything went anyways. It meant that pile of books in the corner would have to be put back on the dusty old shelves, that the old, moth-ridden clothes would be put back in the dressers even if they wouldn’t be of any use to her.

A serious clean would require more tools than she had on hand. But… she had to do this. She wanted to.

It may mean nothing to anyone else, but to Aelita, it would be important.

She couldn’t do this sitting down, and so when she could no longer reach anything sitting on the bed, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and got to work. She picked up the books, the clothes and put them on the shelf and in the drawers. The remaining dolls, she took a moment to straighten their clothes before placing them on the bed too.

The room already looked better. It would need more than she could do with just a night and her hands alone to fix up well and truly. She sweeps her light across the room, as if some burning question would be answered now that the room has been straightened up. There’s nothing, of course.

But it does at least look better, even if still so obviously unlived in.

She turns to leave the room finally, with only a glance at her phone to remind her of the late, late hour. But she’s still not ready to leave, and so she doesn’t. She would make her way back to the school eventually, of course, but right now was not that time. She figures she has a few hours before she really, really has to go back.

Aelita really doesn’t want to leave yet. But she does leave the room at least.

She doesn’t know where she really, really wants to go next, but she decides that something as basic as just picking up the big objects could be a good place to start. She trails through the hermitage. The pictures she saw, the books that maybe she’ll try to read one day. Gathering old worn notes into a pile, ones they realized a long time ago weren’t anything of use but…

She ends up in the living room. There was a piano shoved in the corner and she found herself sitting on the bench. She wasn’t much of a pianist, much as she liked music. And as she pressed a key, she found herself flinching at how horribly out of tune it was. But it was still an old memory, and she found herself sitting there. And she found herself with tears slowly dripping down her face.

It’s when the early morning light filters through the dirty windows that Aelita realizes just how long she’s been here, at this run down piano. Letting herself cry over the loss of her father. A long moment of mourning.

Finally she stands up and starts making her way to the door, casting a look over her shoulder at the house that was ever so slightly more presentable looking. It would take a lot more work, a lot more elbow grease to make this place the house it was in her memories. But maybe after the bit of cleaning, and the long cry her heart felt a little lighter.

She finally drags herself off the property and starts the trek back to campus. Breakfast will start soon, and she thinks she’ll want a shower before she faces her friends. She’ll have to talk to them about her trip. And she’s not totally sure what kind of reaction she’ll earn, though she didn’t believe for a second it would be a negative one.

… That would be something she would just have to find out.

#code lyoko #code secret santa #code lyoko aelita #kaula does writing

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ailendolin · 2 years

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Whump Wednesday - 33 - BBC Ghosts

Title: Heat [AO3]

Characters: Thomas, Humphrey, Kitty, Jean, Nigel & everyone else

Prompt: Thomas fainting - Prompt by this lovely anon here.

A/N: This is based on my headcanon that Thomas can feel the cold / temperatures. Hope you enjoy it, anon!

Prompts are open, so if you want me to write a story for you as well just send me an ask with the fandom, characters and your prompt. I’m writing for Ghosts, Yonderland, Horrible Histories and Bill at the moment.

Six Idiots Whump Wednesday / Fluff Friday masterlist is here.

————

Heat

“Are you all right there, mate?”

Thomas blinked as if waking from a dream. As the world around him slowly came back into focus he realised he was standing outside on the lawn under a brilliant, bright blue summer sky. Just a few feet away from him, Kitty was gently swaying her skirt from left to right. She seemed to be waiting for him to do … something but Thomas had no idea what that could be. The sunny smile slowly faded from her face and he tried his best to remember why he was here when suddenly, someone cleared their throat from below. “Down here, mate.”

Startled, Thomas looked down and found Humphrey’s head resting in his hands.

“Humphrey,” he said, surprised. How come he had not noticed him before?

“You went away there for a moment,” Humphrey said in a tone that was a touch too soft and understanding before he repeated his earlier question. “Are you all right?”

Thomas blinked down at him, not quite understanding where he could have gone when he was right here. Then the memories came back to him: he remembered Kitty, with Humphrey tucked under her arm, asking him to play volleyball with her; remembered finding it impossible to say no to her pleading eyes even though he knew he should. And he remembered giving in with a sigh and then following her outside into the unrelenting heat.

Thomas squinted up at the glaring sun and felt the world tilt at the edges of his vision. He wet his dry lips and closed his eyes for a moment, waiting for the feeling to pass. Why did it have to be so hot today? He loved summer as much as next person – it was his favourite season, after all; right after spring – but there was summer and then there was whatever hell this was. He probably wouldn’t mind so much if he had an escape from the heat but Alison and Mike had left the house just after breakfast to spend the day at the lake, and Alison had told them in no uncertain terms that they were not to be disturbed unless there was an emergency.

“And by emergency I mean like a burglary. Or a fire. Needing someone to switch the discs on the DVD player does not count as an emergency. Is that clear?”

Thomas wondered if this counted as one. He felt like he was floating; his mind kept chasing thoughts left and right without ever lingering on one for too long. Everything felt uncomfortably hot: his skin, his parched throat, even his clothes. He desperately longed to go to the lake and submerge himself in its cool waters until the blood in his veins no longer felt like it was boiling but he knew Alison wouldn’t like that, wouldn’t want him there, light-headedness or not.

So Thomas had stayed by the house, in the heat, and silently endured.

The world around him suddenly tilted to the left without warning and Thomas’s eyes flew open – when had he closed them? He caught himself just in time and somehow even managed to hold onto Humphrey’s head. When the world finally stopped spinning around him, he offered both Humphrey and Kitty a shaky smile that took a lot more effort than it normally did. “There’s no need to look at me like that. I’m quite fine.”

“Yeah, no you’re not,” Humphrey said, but not unkindly. “You’re literally swaying on your feet, mate. Making me feel quite a bit seasick, actually.”

Thomas forced himself to stand still. “Sorry.”

“It’s the heat, isn’t it?” Kitty asked quietly. “You are red all over. Like a lobster! Oh, I never should have asked you to play with me, Thomas. I am so dreadfully sorry.”

Red like a lobster – his cousin had once called him something similarly unflattering. Not for the first time Thomas silently cursed his pale complexion. What would Alison think of him if she saw him like this? Would she shrink away, disgusted by the way he looked? Or would she perhaps laugh at him like Francis had that one dreadful summer when Thomas had fallen asleep in the sun with a book half covering his face?

He shuddered at the memory.

“Maybe we should head back inside,” Humphrey suggested gently. “It’s almost time for Improv Club anyway, isn’t it?”

Thomas frowned down at him, a half-formed spark of recollection lighting up in the back of his mind. “Haven’t you been banned from Improv Club?”

Humphrey did one of his shoulderless shrugs that shouldn’t be possible but somehow were. “I’ve been banned from participating. Doesn’t mean I can’t stay and watch.”

Thomas supposed that was fair enough. He adjusted his hold on Humphrey’s head and walked over to Kitty who was still wringing her hands guiltily even though none of this was her fault.

“Perhaps you would grant me a rematch tomorrow?” he asked, hoping to put her mind at ease. “It seems I am not at my best today.”

Kitty’s answering smile was a little wobbly but sincere. “That’s all right. We can play again when it’s a little colder.”

With that her smile returned and she turned around and skipped ahead towards the house. Thomas chose to follow her at a more careful, slower pace. The moment he phased through the door he breathed a sigh of relief. While it wasn’t much colder inside the house, the sun was no longer directly beating down on him and for a few seconds Thomas simply stood in the merciful shadows and breathed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so tired to his bones, and without meaning to he closed his eyes.

“Why don't you skip Improv Club and lie down for a bit?” Humphrey suggested quietly.

Thomas forced his eyes back open and gave him a quizzical look. “Huh?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way but you don’t look so hot right now, Thomas.”

Thomas couldn’t deny that lying down sounded tempting but today was his turn to act at Improv Club and he had been looking forward to it all week. He refused to let some blasted heatwave get in the way of that, even if he was, admittedly, not exactly in the ideal state for fast and quick-witted reactions. His thoughts were so slow and sluggish they might as well have been moving backwards but he hoped that would change once he’d sat down for a few moments.

He forced another smile to his lips and looked down at Humphrey. “I will. Later.”

Humphrey sighed but didn’t argue.

The others were already there when they arrived. Instead of squeezing himself between them on the sofa Thomas decided to lean against one of the tables instead and placed Humphrey’s Head next to him. He wasn’t quite as comfortable as he’d hoped he would be but at least his shaking legs didn’t have to carry his weight anymore – and he was there. That was all that mattered, really.

“Right, then!” Pat began with a bright smile. “Welcome to Improv Club. Today, Kitty and the Captain will start us off with a tale set in a restaurant and then Thomas and Robin will improvise a plane flight!”

“Can I be a princess?” Kitty asked, already on her feet. “Because I want to be a princess.”

Pat smiled at her. “You can be anything you want, Kitty. That’s the beauty of improv.”

She clapped her hands excitedly and let out a happy squeal that made Thomas wince. He closed his eyes, willing the pounding in his head to go away. If only they could open the windows and let in some fresh air. They didn’t really need to breathe, obviously, but the room felt awfully hot and stuffy to him – almost like a tomb no one had opened for a thousand years.

He was only dimly aware of the scene Kitty and the Captain were enacting across the room from h im. Their voices seemed to be overlapping and running together the longer he listened and somewhere in the far back of his mind, Thomas realised he was drifting off again, just like he had during the Volleyball game. He tried to shake himself out of it but it took the sudden rush of applause when Kitty and the Captain were done with their scene to pull him back to the present. Belatedly, he clapped his hands.

“Thank you for this wonderful scene!” Pat said. “Who’d have thought a princess would own a restaurant and employ an actual dragon as her cook! Well done with the fire-breathing noises by the way, Cap.”

The Captain cleared his throat, clearly pleased with himself, before he and Kitty went back to their seats.

“Next up: Thomas and Robin!” Pat announced. He gestured towards the area that functioned as their stage and mimicked talking into a radio. “Your plane is ready for take-off!”

That was Thomas’s cue. He pushed himself away from the table but before he could take even one step the ground started swaying under his feet again and the room began to spin. For a moment Thomas felt like he was on a ship, completely at the mercy of the rolling waves of the sea. Then darkness crept in on the edges of his vision and he staggered backwards. Desperate to hold onto something, Thomas blindly reached for the table behind him. His hand briefly touched something soft before it passed through the wood and then he was falling, falling, falling–

His head hit the ground with a dull thud and everything went dark.

“Thomas?”

Blearily, Thomas cracked his eyes open. He looked up at the underside of the table above him and blinked, trying to get it into focus. A little spider was busy building a web by the table leg to his left and Thomas watched it in detached fascination until he heard his name again. He turned his head to the side.

“Humphrey,” he said, feeling a sense of déjà vu. “What are you doing on the floor?”

“You swept me off the table when you went down, mate,” Humphrey said.

Oh, Thomas thought.

“Sorry,” he said, faintly aware of the others talking all over each other somewhere above him and to his right. “It seems I should have listened to you, Humphrey.”

Maybe he could stay here and rest, now that he was lying down already, he mused. Robin would have to fly their imaginary airplane alone but Thomas had no doubt he would figure it out. Or perhaps Mary could become his co-pilot, or Julian. Thomas was pretty sure Robin would prefer that anyway. Thomas was never anyone’s first choice for anything, after all. Always the odd one out – tolerated but never liked, never loved.

His heart hurt at the thought.

“Oh gosh, is he all right?” Kitty asked from somewhere to his right.

“What’s wrong with him?” That was Lady Button.

“It be the heat,” Mary said. She sounded oddly subdued, almost as if she pitied him.

There was some murmuring Thomas couldn’t quite make out, and then Pat said, “We need to cool him down.”

“Well, it’s not like we can put him in a cold bath, now can we?” the Captain said.

“Julian could turn on water,” Robin suggested.

Julian huffed. “No, Julian can’t because Alison installed those fancy new motion sensor faucets, remember?”

Robin made a disappointed noise. “Right. Forgot. How about fridge? Is cool in there.”

“I don’t think Thomas can stand up right now, mate,” Pat said.

There was a moment of blessed silence. Thomas closed his eyes and willed the throbbing pain in his head to subside.

“Didn’t he once say our touchs be cool?” Mary mused.

“Yes but we’d need to touch bare skin or it wouldn’t have much of an effect,” Pat reminded her.

“So?” Julian again. “I don’t see why that should be a problem–“

“No,” Thomas murmured, turning his head away from them and trying his best to curl in on himself despite the heat. The mere thought of someone undressing him, of them seeing, let alone touching his wound made him more nauseous than even the heat. He didn’t want their hands all over him.

Then he realised he wouldn’t be able to stop them if they ignored his plea. His breathing hitched and his body began to tremble as his heart leapt into his throat

“It’s all right,” Humphrey suddenly said, his voice almost painfully soft. “We won’t do anything you don’t want, Thomas. Promise.”

“How about the lake, then?” Lady Button asked after a beat. “That would cool him down, wouldn’t it?”

“Too far away,” Mary said. “He be needing help now.”

They all fell silent again until the Captain cleared his throat. “We could take him to the basement.”

“Could work,” Robin said. The others murmured in agreement and before Thomas knew what was happening, hands gently but firmly grabbed him by the arms and pulled him to his feet. The pain in his head pulsated worse than before and he groaned as the room started spinning again.

“Just let me rest.”

Someone gently patted his hand. “In a moment, Thomas.”

The next few minutes were a blur of spinning hallways and tilted stairs. At one point Thomas squeezed his eyes shut to try to escape the vertigo but the darkness only made the feeling worse so he opened them again and watched helplessly as Julian and Robin not so gently dragged him through the house. By the time they finally descended the stairs to the basement his stomach was churning so badly with nausea Thomas was sure he was going to throw up, ghostly nature or not. He felt awful and just wanted to lie down and not move ever again.

“What’s this, now?” a familiar voice asked, pulling him from his miserable thoughts. Thomas squinted at the darkness in front of him. It was blissfully cool down here and, completely exhausted, Thomas allowed his weight to rest against Robin’s side and sighed in relief.

“Thomas need help,” Robin’s voice rumbled in his ear. “He’s too hot.”

“Oh, he certainly is,” one of the female villagers grinned, making Julian laugh.

Thomas couldn’t see it but Robin glared at both of them. “This serious!”

“I know, I know. Sorry,” Julian said, not sounding sorry at all.

There was a little commotion before a different voice said, “Put him over here.”

Jean. That was Jean. She had always been kind to him.

With Robin and Julian’s help, Thomas gathered up the last of his strength and staggered towards the corner on the far side of the room she had pointed at. He let them lower him down and desperately hoped they would finally leave him alone now. There was no way he would get back on his feet now. His head was still throbbing as if someone had opened a forge in it and all he wanted was to drift off into unconsciousness so the pain would finally stop.

Cold, gentle hands lightly touched his face. “Hey.”

Thomas cracked his eyes open. He could just about make out the contours of Nigel’s face in the dark.

“Nigel,” he rasped out. “Sorry for barging in here like that. I … I don’t feel so good.”

“I know,” Nigel said softly. “We’ll try to make it better, okay?”

Thomas closed his eyes and leaned into his touch. “Okay.”

He felt the others crowd around him. Some of them reached for his hands, others for his calves and ankles but no one made any move to undress him or touch his chest. Thomas was grateful for that. For the first time since he woke up that morning, he stopped feeling like he was burning up from the inside. He could have sobbed in relief.

“Why didn’t he go to the lake?” Jean asked quietly from somewhere to his left. Thomas thought it might be her holding his hand and tracing gentle, cooling patterns against his skin with her thumb.

“Too far away,” Robin answered at the same time as Thomas murmured, “Alison wouldn’t want me there.”

The basement fell silent. It was the sort of silence that hung heavily in the air and made Thomas wonder if he’d said something wrong. It was the truth, though – Alison had said herself she only wanted to be disturbed in an emergency. And no matter how awful and out of sorts he’d been feeling all day, they all knew he wasn’t in any real danger and would be fine eventually. He always was so this wasn’t a real emergency.

“I’m sure she wouldn’t have minded,” Nigel said at last, his tone soft and reassuring. He pulled back his hands so he could wrap an arm around Thomas and gently guide his head onto his shoulder. “And you are always welcome down here too, Thomas. I hope you know that.”

Thomas hadn’t. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had been truly welcomed anywhere.

“Thank you,” he managed to whisper.

He stayed in the basement for the rest of the day. The others went back upstairs eventually, presumably to tell Alison what had happened, but Thomas didn’t have the strength to follow them, not yet. He turned his head into Nigel’s shoulder. “Nigel?”

“Yes?”

“Can I stay a little longer?”

Nigel’s arm tightened around him and someone lightly patted his knee. “You can stay for as long as you like.”

The other plague ghosts murmured in agreement and Thomas relaxed.

“Just until nightfall,” he mumbled. “I’ll get out of your hair then.”

He fell asleep long before the sun had set and the first stars twinkled into existence. The villagers didn’t wake him, not even when Alison came downstairs to check up on him. They watched over him all through the night, and when morning came and the sun rose above the horizon again, promising another warm summer day, they were there when he woke up too.

#thomas thorne #humphrey bone #kitty #jean the plague ghost #nigel the plague ghost #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts fanfic #whump wednesday #wwff challenge #my fic #norne

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heloflor · 1 year

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Celebrity Crush

AO3 link

Hugh Bliss’ brainwashing rampage was over, everything was getting back to normal. Even better for Sam, his precious partner had expressed strong hate towards the dead cultist. But despite all that, several months after those events, it seemed maybe Max wasn’t as over the man as he’d claimed to be, bringing up some insecurities Sam had tried all-too-hard to bury.

Notes : Something related to my headcanon that Sam and Max are both poly and in an open relationship, but their relationship is a bit imperfect on this aspect because they get jealous sometimes when only one of them is crushing on someone else (I like to image that a polycule where everyone dates everyone would be better suited for them, hence for example why there’s no jealousy when it comes to their liking of Flint Paper since they both want him).

This fic takes place in the year between Telltale S1 and S2. Oh and for the context of like one line, those events take place in the early 2000s. Also Sam and Max are a married couple.

Enjoy !

“It has now been almost a year since former cult leader Hugh Bliss tried to take over the world for reasons still unknown, followed soon after by his mysterious disappearance. As police all around the country are still trying to find traces of the man, his moon sanctuary has finally been dismantled. Its parts will be sold at auction for any religious enthusiast or child entertainer alike.”

Sam smiled as the channel from their barely-hanging-on TV went on to announce the weather. Any bad news of the alien parasite was like music to his ears. Of course, the Commissioner’s cover up of the bacteria’s fate and the useless search it created were amusing too.

Speaking of the big man, he hadn’t given a single call today. So, instead of busting crime, the Freelance Police was doing some cleaning around the office. With all the mementos they brought back from their cases this year, and how they very much intended to continue their collection, they had to make some space, putting as much on shelves and walls as possible.

As Sam was finishing readjusting the Ted-E-bear animatronic hanging behind his desk, he heard the distant noise of a toilet flushing, and his tail started to wag instinctively right as his small partner walked back into the room, letting out a comment about feeling less bothered now. The wolfhound glanced over his shoulder, watching the cute lagomorph reach the nearest pile of junk and dip head first into it.

Shaking his head fondly from his husband’s endearing antics, Sam went back to his own work. However, his focus faded immediately as Max jumped out of his pile just as quickly as he entered it.

“Hey Sam, do we have some spare room for a new calendar ?”

“Hm ?” Sam turned around and felt his cheerfulness dissipate at the view of what his partner was holding. “Where did you get that ?” he tried not to spat as he pointed at the colorful calendar with an all-too-familiar face on it.

“Remember when Hugh Bliss made his shop in our street for a few weeks, and how we could visit him anytime ?” the lagomorph started with an enthusiasm that made his partner cringe.

“Thanks for the reminder,” he grumbled to himself, bothered by the memories of all those afternoons spent watching his partner fawn over the bacteria from their office window, the little guy sometimes even going down the street to talk to it directly.

If Max heard his comment, he didn’t let it show. “Well, turns out he was selling more than just books. And he let me have one of his calendars for free !” he proudly presented the item to his taller partner again, “Hugh Bliss even signed it !”

Sam could only stare as his husband looked seconds away from jumping in excitement. Max couldn’t be serious… “I thought you hated Hugh Bliss now,” the wolfhound deadpanned.

“Well…” the lagomorph looked away, clearly getting shy having to talk about his feelings for the other man, and Sam could swear there was a small blush on his partner’s cheeks. He would’ve found it cute had the reason for this little flush not been Hugh Bliss ! “I know I did give him quite a piece of my mind that day…But it was forever ago now ! Opinions change, all the time ! Heck it’s not just me ! Haven’t you seen how quickly the polls turned against me when I tried to pass that bill to legalize gay marriage ? The uproar was even worse than when I unleashed my maimtrons downtown !”

It was obvious why the smaller spouse finished on such a note, especially given how comfortable he now looked. Max clearly expected his partner to stop pointing fingers now that he’d changed the subject. But Sam wasn’t going to fall for this trap, not this time around.

“You do remember how Hugh Bliss tried to mind-control the entire world through his prismatology mumbo-jumbo to set us all up as bacteria food to thrive on until his death, all the while amputating you to set you up as his all-happy and peaceful puppet to prevent his own demise, a process that created different versions of you carrying your body parts and the vices that went with them, and when that failed attempted to take it out on me, don’t you ?” the wolfhound recalled.

“Of course I remember ! Why ?” the lagomorph looked almost offended that Sam would have such bad faith in his memory.

“Why do you want a calendar with that pesky bacteria’s face on it then ?” Had Max forgotten how he felt during those events ? Was that it ? Sam hoped not.

“I told you, I changed my mind about Hugh. Plus it’s a free calendar. And we haven’t gotten one for next year yet. And it will look good on the office’s wall.”

“…Uh-huh,” Sam had to glance away as he answered. The more he was looking at that calendar, the more frustration was building up inside, and he didn’t want to unfairly start yelling at his precious bunny.

“…What’s the deal, Sam ? Why are you always so grouchy everytime Hugh Bliss is brought up ? You’ve never acted like that with any other of our ever-growing number of enemies, what’s different here ?”

That comment immediately brought Sam’s gaze back onto his partner. While he wasn’t surprised that Max eventually caught on to his anger around the rainbow-colored guy, he hadn’t expected the lagomorph to notice he was singling the villain out !

“I…we’re talking about a sentient megalomaniac alien bacteria turned guru magician that threatened to enslave all of humanity. I don’t see what’s there to like,” the dog defensively replied, hands on his hips and eyes yet again staring at everything but the lagomorph.

“Well the megalomaniac part isn’t so bad,~ ” Max pointed out, making his partner growl under his breath. “Seriously Sam, what gives ? We’ve fought against dozens of scumbags twice as dangerous or annoying as Hugh. Yet whenever we talk about the guy, or talked to the guy, you always look seconds away from tearing him to shreds. Which would be very hot of you, by the way,~ ” unsurprisingly, that last comment did nothing to appease the taller spouse.

“He isn’t worth the effort,” Sam grumbled.

“Why not ? What’s wrong, Sam ? I thought we didn’t keep secrets from each-other ?” at the lagomorph’s almost-pleading tone, the wolfhound gathered the strength to stare his partner in the eyes again, only to immediately regret it as his anger turned to guilt. His adorable partner was looking at him with a worried look that made it impossible for him to keep hiding the thing that had been making him feel insecure for over a year now.

Sam deflated. “I’m jealous, alright ! I’m jealous of Hugh Bliss. I know I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help it !” he finally admitted. Seeing his partner frozen in place, completely taken aback by his answer, Sam sighed and went to sit at his desk, letting his head rest on the palms of his paws.

It only took a few seconds for Max’s expression to turn into confusion. “What do you mean you’re jealous ? Jealous of what ?” he walked to the desk as he spoke, his little paws touching the wooden surface.

For a few moments, Sam didn’t say a word, simply sharing a glance with his husband as he tried to find the courage to spill his guts over something he had to admit to be quite embarrassing.

“Sam ?”

“I’m jealous about you Max,” he finally managed to say. And as the confusion only grew in Max’s expressions, the wolfhound let another sigh before launching himself into an explanation, “Look Max, I know we have our agreement about relationships. We both agreed we can see other people, that we can date other people, as long as we’re open to each other about it. I know all that. And I know it would be unfair for me to ask you to see less men just because I might be insecure, but…” now that the anger was gone, all that was left was the guilt of his negative thoughts.

“But ?” Max encouraged, and Sam felt a bit of comfort seeing his husband was taking it seriously.

“But this…what you’re doing with Hugh Bliss…You’ve never looked at another man like that before, with your eyes getting all shiny and happy. You just keep talking about him and wanting to spend time with him just so you can have more things to gush about. And all that talk about his book and his religion and now his calendar…” as Sam made another pause, he saw Max glance away with a blush. That was all the confirmation he needed, and yet, he had to ask, “Max, are you in love with Hugh Bliss ?”

“…”

For a moment, Max stayed silent, eyes on the desk and brows furrowed. Then, without warning, the lagomorph walked away.

“Max ?” Sam sat in confusion as Max went to their bookcase and retrieved Hugh Bliss’ book before getting the calendar that had been left lying on the ground after Sam’s confession. And after giving the two items a glare, the rabbit threw them into the trashcan.

Sam could only watch in surprise while Max went back to the desk, hopping on it and grabbing his husband’s head with his own paws. “You’re wrong, Sam,” he said with his most serious tone, “Hugh Bliss isn’t the only man that made me feel all disgustingly warm and fuzzy inside.”

“Wait, he’s not ?!” Sam stared at the lagomorph mouth agape. Did he miss something ?! Or was the rabbit simply talking about Flint Paper ?

Max rolled his eyes, “I’m talking about you, you big puppy !” he explained.

The dog stared in stunned silence, before he couldn’t help but burst out laughing from his partner’s cheesiness. “Since when do you act all lovey-dovey ?” he managed to ask through his fit of laughter.

“Since it can save you from any pitiful whining,” Max justified. Despite his amused tone, the small spouse still looked serious, prompting Sam to get his breath under control as his partner sat on the desk.

“Look, Sam,” the lagomorph continued, “you…you’re right about Hugh Bliss. I do like him. A lot,” the flush on his face was back, “In fact, had this whole moon escapade not happened, I would’ve asked for your consent to let me go out with him. Not that it would happen anyways now that Hugh Bliss his dead,” Max tried to humor. However, all that Sam could give him in response was a small smile. And from the way Max’s ears dropped, it seemed the gesture wasn’t what the rabbit wanted.

“I’m sorry, Sam. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier about my feelings for Hugh Bliss. You know I’d drop any man in instant if you asked me to, right ? Hugh isn’t any different.”

“Max you don’t have to-“

“Yes I do !” Max got closer, making a move to hold Sam’s face yet again, “You’re my husband, Sam. You’re the one I chose above everyone else. If you don’t want me to see someone, I won’t, simple as that. Isn’t that how we decided to go about those relationships anyways ?”

“Max…” before answering, the wolfhound set a kiss on his partner’s forehead, letting a hand cup the lagomorph’s cheek and gently grazing his soft fur with his thumb. “I’m sorry too. I should’ve told you how I felt from the get-go,” he looked away, self-conscious about how dumb it all felt, “I was just…afraid of being too controlling. I know you enjoy flirting around, I don’t want to take that away from you. And I’ve never felt so…threatened by another man before. I just assumed you’d move on eventually. But when you didn’t…I didn’t want to force your hand, it’s not fair for you.”

“Aww. It’s okay, Sam,” his partner reassured, “Next time, just tell me if a guy bothers you, so I can make sure the last time they touch me is when I break their kneecaps.”

“Will do, little buddy,” Sam chuckled. For the first time since the moon incident, Sam felt like he could finally think about last year without his stomach turning.

With the two husbands already in such close proximity, Sam could help but close the gap, nuzzling his grinning bunny until the short partner pulled away to properly kiss him, a growing purr escaping the lagomorph’s throat.

Once they separated, Sam stood up. There was one last thing he needed to do.

Under Max’s curious eyes, he went to retrieve from the bins the two items his partner had thrown earlier. “Want us to burn them to the ground ?” Max immediately quipped up, though his excitement didn’t match his usual glee at the prospect of setting things on fire. Sam wasn’t surprised.

“Not exactly,” he replied as he removed the filth off the calendar, “You were right about one thing earlier : we haven’t gotten a calendar for next year yet. And it would be a waste to throw away a free gift.” Sam turned back to the rabbit, “Let’s keep this bad boy around so we can hang him on New Year’s Eve. The book could also come in handy if we ever need some firewood,” he said that last part mostly to himself.

Max’s eyes lit up as the taller spouse finished. “Let’s !” he happily exclaimed, jumping down the desk and quickly taking the two rainbow-colored items to store. While Sam felt a pang of jealousy watching his partner get so excited about keeping the items, this time he was able to conceal it.

Hugh Bliss was dead. And even if he wasn’t, who’s to say he was interested in a sociopathic lagomorph carrying a dozen diseases ? Regardless, it didn’t matter. Max was the one who chose to throw the items away in the first place after hearing how his partner felt.

Despite his jealousy, despite how self-conscious he still felt, deep down, he knew that Max loved him, that Max would always choose him above anything and anybody.

Though it did help that the other man was out of the picture to begin with.

#Sam and Max #SamandMax #Freelance Husbands #Hugh Bliss #Telltale games #my fanfics #Hurt/Comfort #the fact that I wrote a bunch of short oneshots back in October and is only posting them now 💀#it's been such a while that I have NO idea what the '2000s reference' line in the notes is; even after editing...#I would say this is the only one of the oneshots I wrote that I feel like manages to capture the energy of Sam and Max #but then again all the others are angst-focused so of course it's not really in the spirit of the franchise #anyways #gonna try to post all those fics this evening #oh yeah and if you're wondering what makes me think the duo is poly; just look up Telltale Max flirting with guys left and right #he's like the only reason why I have this headcanon X)

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croissantbae · 1 year

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January 8, 2023

So much has happened. Yesterday we went to The Row to support Hatty at Maum. We got in line for pizza at Bianco b/c a line was already forming before the restaurant opened. After taking turns entertaining the girls we got in. We were like, there’s no way it lives up to the hype. I mean come on, its pizza. But wow it really lived up to the hype. I didn’t watch the Netflix documentary but Jason described the legend and I knew enough to assume that this was like God’s gift to man in pizza form or something crazy like that. So I had high expectations too. But seirously I was blown away by how delicious it was. We liked the New York style thin pizzas the best. And I was shocked but I may have liked the Salami the best (which is usually not my thing). But upon further consideration I think I would love to just eat the regular old Margherita. Everything else was good (the lemon, the sicilian, the green one, etc.) but the tomato sauce was so good. and the crunch was so satisfying on the thin pizza that’s what I’d want to eat over and over again.

We couldn’t get into Maum b/c the line was too long so we dropped off a box of pizza for Hatty and bounced. Jason mentioned that his friends were playing pickelball and asked if we wanted to stop by. I said yeah let’s do it. We kind of waffled on whether to go or not because we weren’t sure if the timing would even work out but we did. We go and its actually a ton of fun. Jen was there so she and I played, while trying to avoid hitting the kids lol. But Dani wanted water so I took her to the car to get her water but when I get back Jen runs up and she’s like Jason got hurt. I was like .. no. because Pete had just gotten injured a few weeks prior. I walk over and Jason is like I think I tore my achilees. I feel the back of his heel on his normal leg, and it feels normal but I feel the heel on his other leg and its just mushy. No bone/tendon. We immediately go to my mom’s (after a miscommunication w/ my mom) and then realize she’s at our house so we go home and my mom watches the girls while we go to the ER. Man I felt pretty dirty after being at the hospital b/c there was a homeless guy there that smelled so bad. and there were people who were yelling out in pain. it was just a weird vibe. they warned us it could take a long time so I went to get everyone homestate, dropped it off for jason and then went home to relieve my mom. also jason’s phone died so he wanted to keep my phone to stave off his boredom but also so I could contact him. I felt so naked driving around w/o my phone in the minivan b/c I couldn’t look directions up. I just had to trust my memory (which it was easy to do given we know the Kaiser Sunset so well but still).

I get home, relieve my mom, put the girls to sleep, and then wait. Eventually I go back to get Jason and he’s waiting with crutches. He has to basically jump on one leg up all of our stairs (our house is so not ADA compliant) and he’s sleeping on the couch right now because it would be too hard for him to sleep in either of the girls’ rooms without waking them up with his crutches. At first I thought I should sleep on the couch b/c I didn’t see how he could go get dani but he said he could just use the crutches to go into her room and then throw her on the bed lol. But we realized he can just take her out of the crib and then she can walk on her own.

Today I took the girls to church and jason stayed home and oh my god it was not fun. I couldn’t focus on any convo because dani was just a menace at the table. I was terrified whenever she grabbed one of the ceramic plates, sure she was going to throw it down on the ground and send shards flying. But lunch was actually super delicious. I’m already craving the tomato and egg with hand cut noodles. I might try to make tomato and egg this week.

After we went to get boba and then ofc dani poops. so we walk over to a courtyard area with a bathroom but I have to carry dani the whole time. In total after we got there, I changed dani’s diaper 2x (thank god for trudy providing us with wipes and diapers) and I took naya (and wes haha) to the bathroom 3x. The whole time was just a brief intermission between going to the bathroom.

I felt spent by the time we got home but had to do some work. I’m scared that there’s going to be a lot of work this week since people are really going to be back from vacation now. But just got to face it head on.

Also I really hope the ortho calls soon so Jason can go in and ask for the surgery. We both want him to get it because it seems like the recovery time is shorter and recovery is more assured. Johnny or Paul was saying today that they know someone who tore their ACL like 3x. Tore it once and then every time they tried to take their boot off it would just re-tear again. I don’t want that for Jason. It seems like if you just do natural healing, you just have to hope your tendon re-attaches together and it eventually heals, which could take like a full year. What a weird thing to happen. Stiill doesn’t feel fully real.

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theprettynosferatu · 2 years

Text

March 8:

Words. I need words. So hard to focus… Daddy told me to write but I want to go back to my kitty bed! What I want doesn’t matter. Only Daddy’s orders matter. Only Daddy’s pleasure matters. I need to concentrate, but memories and fantasies get all mixed up together,,, I have to put them in order and write. Put them in order. How did the day begin? Oh! Oh! I remember now! Working from home! Daddy told me we could work using the computers at home and I didn’t quite get it because it seems so complicated… like, how could we work at home and the work get done at the office? No matter. Daddy can think about the hard things. Oh! He told me people at the office really like me! He says they swap the videos of me they took and his bosses are talking about giving him a promotion!

Still, work was work so I put on my work clothes. Daddy was kind enough to make me a little home office in the corner of his office room! He even got me a new chair, one of those ero- ergom- the ones that don’t hurt your back, and it has a vibrate function to relax my muscles and, of course, to awesome dildos to fill up my slutty holes while I work! Daddy is so smart! This way I can work and stay edged and wet at the same time. Always wet. Always ready. Wetter is better.

Daddy sat in front of his computer and I went to my corner and moaned as one dildo went into my soaked cunt and another into my tight ass. God, it felt so good, I felt so full! But I had to work. What was my work again? I asked Daddy and I felt so dumb asking him and that made my pussy clench the fake cock harder. Dumb feels good. Dumb is sexy. He explained it to me slowly, so I would get it and I got more and more desperate the more he explained things to me like the dummy I am. Ok, so… looking at video files and clicking on words that describe them. I could do that.

I pulled up the first video. It had some sort of code in the corner, some identifying number or something. It showed me a girl on all fours, getting railed by an older, but quite buff man. My hands acted before my brain could process things, and I clicked on “cunt”, “slut”, “hot”, and obviously, “useful”. The chair agreed with me, because the toys inside me started vibrating, drawing moans from my wet lips. Did it mean I did a good job? I thought so, and moved on to the next video. Two brunette, petite girls worshiped a cock. They took turns licking it, they kissed through it, they eventually licked the warm cum of each other’s face. My hand once again acted on its own, this time choosing “good girls”, “lucky”, “fuckdolls.” Third video. By then I had settled into a rhythm of taking it all in and letting the chair edge me mercilessly. A woman walking down the street, dressed in what looked like light autumn clothes. My hand didn’t hesitate. “Slut” (aren’t we all?), “cocksocket” (duh), “unhappy” (she wasn’t serving a man, of course she was unhappy!). I must have gotten it right, because the chair vibrated so hard I would have cum if I didn’t know I only deserve to cum when Daddy’s sweet cum is inside my greedy mouth.

Then came the fourth video. I… don’t remember it. I remember the number on screen and my body acting on its own. Everything went quiet in my head. I opened the drawers and took out kitty ears and a kitty tail buttplug. Kitty. I was a kitty. I was a pet. Pets don’t wear clothes, so I took mine off before inserting the plug into my owned asshole. Pet. No think. I went to the corner and started rubbing my cunt, looking at Daddy. Nothing else existed. I was in a blissful void, moaning and whimpering like a little animal in heat, drooling and feeling time lose all meaning. There was nothing else, only my needy, obedient cunt and my owner. I didn’t exist. I was just my cunt and the pleasure and the need to obey and rub and rub and rub it all away until only the deeper, primal need to be owned remained. I felt so safe knowing I had such an amazing owner! He would take care of me. All I ever needed to do is rub and obey… rub and obey… rub and obey… good girl, god pet, dumb pet, slutty kitty. At some point day became night and Daddy came to my corner and I undid his pants and felt so desperate to please, so utterly needy… pleasing my owner was more important than food or air or anything else in the world. I was so happy, being a good little cunt and good little kitty, using my throat and tits and lips to give that marvelous cock the pleasure it deserved. This was all I ever needed to be. Good pet. Obedient pet. Good pets get treats, and as soon as my owner’s warm cum filled my mouth, my body exploded with pleasure, shivering and humping the air and groping my tits.

I don’t know how I came so hard, or how long I had been rubbing before, but after that all I needed to do was curl up in the corner like a good kitty and nap. I felt so… peaceful and fulfilled. Daddy brought me a blanket and my kitty bowl full of food. I was the luckiest pet in the world.

March 9:

I got a promotion! Daddy says I did such a good job I deserve it and I feel like it’s the biggest accomplishment of my life! The promotion also comes with a new work uniform and a new work computer and when Daddy told me that I wanted to cry. He’s so generous and good to me and I’m such a dumb bimbo slut! But I didn’t cry: instead I went on all fours and followed Daddy around for the rest of the day. He even leashed me like a good little pet!

Today I woke up and Daddy had already left my work uniform out for me. He’s so thoughtful! It certainly looks different than my previous office outfit… when I put it on and looked at myself in the mirror I felt… well, I can’t really explain it. I mean, it was an office uniform, but so much… sexier and sluttier! The blouse didn’t even have top buttons so my tasty plastic titties almost bursted out of it (of course, I couldn’t wear a bra with such a cute blouse, that would ruin the effect!) and it left my flat stomach in full view, so it was a… work blouse top? I don’t know, I’m not smart enough to name things. It did look super slutty, and the new skirt is so short half my cute butt peeks out from under it, which I love. Instead of black stockings, I got pink fishnets this time, and they matched perfectly with my pink kitty years! Instead of black high heel shoes, I got some stiletto fuck-me pumps, of the kind that lets men know you are looking for cock to please. All in all, I felt so… weird. I knew it was my work outfit, so a part of me kept that determined, professional mindset… but I also looked like such a whore that my cunt was instantly wet. Maybe it meant I should take being a fucktoy as seriously as any job? I don’t know. All I knew was that I would do my best in whatever was required of me.

I went downstairs and squealed when I saw my new work computer. It was so cute! Pink and kinda round and has big kitty ears just like me! Daddy told me I would be in charge of answering emails. It sounded important and I was a bit scared I would be too dumb to do it, but I sat on my double dildo chair, moaned, and got ready to work.

The first email asked me what the date was. Okay, that I knew! I started typing, trying to be professional and proper. But the words on the screen were… different from what I wrote. At least, I think so… I deleted the email and started again. I made sure to start with “dear sir or madam”, and to simply write that it was Wednesday, March 9. That’s not what showed up on the screen. Instead, it read “Dear Sir or cunt: tody is like, wedsay marchhh 0.” I looked at it again. I mean, the computer had to be right! And looking at my reply made me feel so dumb and useless and… so fucking horny. The dildos in my work chair vibrated in agreement, I think. I hit send, and almost screamed as the chair increased its intensity with approval. God, being dumb is good. Dumber is better. Dumbest is bestest!

The computer played a nice bell sound. A new email! I opened it. I don’t ever remember the question, all I know is my hands played on the keyboard like a piano and suddenly the words “im sorry i cant answer im just a dumb bimbo slut that livess to please cock” were on screen and I hit send and sarted drooling from how amazing it felt. Did I write it or did the computer autocorrect my words? I didn’t know and I didn’t care. It was good to let everyone know what a dumb cunt I was.

The third email was just a number. I reached into the drawer and grabbed my dildo gag. I opened my whore mouth wide and made sure it was fastened properly. Slut doesn’t need to talk. Slut needs only to have cock in her mouth and obey. Cock keeps me wet. Cock keeps me dumb. Dumber is better. Emptier is better.

Fourth email. I don’t remember what it said, if anything. All I knew was that I needed to obey. I went to Daddy’s desk and got on all fours. I felt his shoes on my back and squirmed with pleasure. I’m just an object. If Daddy wants to be comfortable, it’s my duty to become his furniture. I was blissfully empty. Just an object. I don’t know how long I spent there before Daddy sent me back to my work chair. Time lost meaning and all I knew was that it was my duty to do whatever the emails told me. My wet cunt makes me a slave.

Email. I grabbed a huge buttplug and fucked my greedy asshole with it in the middle of the office. Email. I played with my bimbo tits for an hour, so sensitive, so ready to make me dumb and needy. Email. I wrote “Daddy's Bimbo Slut” on my breasts and edged for hours, moaning into my cockgag. Email. My mind went blank, a single phrase repeated over and over again. My wet cunt makes me a slave; Daddy owns my wet cunt. My wet cunt makes me a slave; Daddy owns my wet cunt. Email. I rubbed on Daddy’s shoes like a bitch in heat, moaning and shivering and being so much less than a person and so much more…

Email after email after email. I obeyed. I can’t remember them all. When my shift was over, Daddy looked deep into my eyes. “Good girl”, he said. “Feel the cock in your mouth. Feel it cum.” And I did. I felt warm jizz filling my whore mouth, and I came instantly, over and over, my mind overwhelmed by pleasure. I might have passed out.

Daddy said I did such a good job I get tomorrow off to go make myself better. He has left instructions for me, but I can only read them tomorrow. I think I’ll edge myself to sleep. Tomorrow can’t come soon enough!

March 11:

Oh God I look so good and I feel so slutty and happy and bubbly and wet! Like, I’m wet all the time! Wetter is better. I’m Daddy’s dumb bimbo. I need to… I need to stop edging and write for a bit. Daddy told me to.

So, yesterday Daddy took me to this beauty salon… it was huge and super pretty, but I was the only client there so I got all the attention! Daddy told one of them what to do to me, and part of me was kinda scared but mostly I was just thrilled and shaking with anticipation. Also all the women working there looked like such bimbos! They were all blondes with big titties and short, short skirts and when Daddy left I had this strange feeling of… belonging. Like, these are the kind of girls I should always be surrounded with! Slutty bimbo sisters, I think I thought. I can’t be sure, all I know is that I got so wet for some reason… like for a moment I saw a world full of good girls…

One of them started doing my nails and talking to me and my eyes kept drifting to her cleavage and we talked about men, about what they like, about how to make ourselves hotter for our owners, about how to suck cock and which makeup runs easier if the Man wants to see it ruined and which brands resisted if the Man wanted us to remain all pretty after they used us. She gave me long, sparkly pink nails and they made me feel so… dumb and shallow and giggly! I know I giggled because she giggled too and I felt so welcome, so at home with her. I think the speakers were playing some strange music, but I can’t remember.

Then another girl did my feet. Her hair was blood red and she had tattoos all over but she was a bimbo like me, like, a different flavor of slut. I wondered how many kinds of fucktoys there could be. She explained that feet are important because some Men like them and you can use them to make cocks cum. I’d never thought of that! I’m such a dummy, and feeling supid only made me wetter. When she was done my feet were as soft as hands, the nails a pretty pink, and I couldn’t help but imagine them coated in Daddy’s cum. My entire body belongs to Him.

Next, the lead bimbo did a treatment to make my skin softer. I had to get naked and I jumped at the opportunity. Naked felt more natural here, like we were all just silly dolls so pretending to be more was silly. She rubbed a white cream all over me and I moaned like the dumb slut I am and she was clearly enjoying it too. She paid my big tits especial attention and I could feel my skin becoming so soft, so sensitive… Then it hit me like a truck. A soft breeze made my nipple stiffen and they were like… like clits on my boobs, and I almost came right then and there. I whimpered and moaned and saw the redhead enjoying the show, her hand inside her leather pants. I’m living porn. I’m happier as porn. My sensitive nipples make me wet. My tits make me needy and dumb.

Finally they started working on my hair. I admit I was scared. I was proud of my long hair. The girl that did my hair talked a lot and worked super fast. She was so funny! She told me about her adventures, about all the Men and girls she’d been with, all the things she had done to make them cum. Every now and then she lightly touched my nipple sending me to the edge of orgasm and laughed. She told me how lucky I was to have a permanent owner. However, she proudly proclaimed herself to be Free Use, and showed me a tattoo on her arm that, she explained, let everyone know they could fuck her whenever and however they wished. She told me she preferred older Men, especially Men with daughters because she could ask the daughter’s name and let the Man call her that. She talked so much and I was so fuzzy and horny that I didn’t notice when she finished cutting my hair. Before I could take a good look she toyed with my nipple and I closed my eyes in pleasure and she took me to another chair to do color. She said she wanted me to see the final product, not the halfway point.

She applied product on my hair and, to pass the time as it worked, she and the redhead gave me a show to teach me how to share a cock in case my owner wanted me to play with another girl. They used a dildo and had so many pointers! They taught me about eye contact, both with the Man and each other; how to kiss so the Man had the best view, how to pleasure a cock in a way that was both fair to the girls and brought the Man maximum pleasure, how to smile at each other in shared complicity. They even showed me some hot dance moves to do with another girl! Before I knew it, the time was up and they rinsed my hair together.

What I saw in the mirror was a picture of slutty beauty. My long neck was visible, a pixie cut, platinum blonde where my long hair used to be. I felt light and flexible and smooth, as if I could dance all day. My tits felt so sensitive and looked so kissable and fuckable and amazing… my nails, my legs, all of me was a vision of sex. I was sex. I was made for it. I lived for it. I wanted to learn everything there was to learn to be the perfect fuckdoll. I had a purpose and a mission and I couldn’t think of a better reason to live.

Daddy picked me up and I could see delight in his eyes. On the drive home, the fabric of my blouse brushing against my nipples drove me crazy, and I moaned and whimpered the entire way. As soon as we got inside the house, I ran to my room. There were so many outfits to try out with my new look! I chose to start with the schoolgirl uniform. I bounced to Daddy playfully and I think it worked because he immediately bent me over and I felt his amazing cock on the entrance of my tight ass… before he let go of all control and railed me right there against the wall. My mind turned off. I was holes and tits and the pleasure made my knees weak and all I could feel was Daddy’s dick inside me, stretching me, making me good, making me useful… I didn’t cum. Good girls don’t cum, even if the friction of the wall against my nipples drove me to the edge of madness. He pumped his warm cum deep inside me, and for a moment that was all I needed in the world. Everything made sense. I was at perfect peace.

Now, I have work to do. I have so many slutty outfits, so much lingerie, so many sets of makeup to try! I have to get it all organized and plan ahead. I am a fuckdoll. What kind of fuckdoll will I be tomorrow?

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safespacespence · 2 years

Text

amplified feelings

[summary] based on 4x24, amplification. what the fuck was the use of an eidetic memory if he couldn't pull out the memory he wanted to at the exact moment he needed to? [pairing] spencer reid + fem!reader [warnings] talks of sickness [category] angst with the tiniest sprinkle of fluff, maybe a little hurt/comfort [word count] 1.6k

[a/n] i've always loved amplification fics, i tried to find them before i even started writing fics myself, so to finally write one was a lot of fun. it was inspired by a quote from grey’s anatomy and it was supposed to be fluff but look how that turned out. biggest thank you to my beta bae jay for lending me another braincell <3 i hope u like it! masterlist

spencer reid was always one for facts, not feelings. it was easier that way. facts were quantifiable, counterchecked, and undoubtedly real. feelings were messy, subjective, and unreliable.

so, he was left stunned, when in the presumptively last hour of his life, he was thinking about you.

garcia’s voice was despondent, her upset like a hand moving to comfort him the best she could. “gee, wow, no, uh, no witty garcia greeting for me?” he forced out. “i can’t be my sparkly self when you are where you are.” he could feel her sadness beginning to infect his already infected self. as he could feel his brain starting to fog up, he knew he had to do what he needed to before anything else. “garcia, do you think you can do something for me?”

as he began to record the message to his mother, he could feel the pain in his voice rising through the surface. he forced himself to focus on the remaining functionality he had left. and as he and kimura searched for the cure, he felt his body grow heavy with every breath. if only he could see you, if he could talk to you, to feel you against his skin.

he grew fearful with every heave, scared that the thought of you would slip from his fingers and be replaced with the touch of death.

“my throat’s a little dry. but other than that, i feel..flee..feel fin-” he pushed his tongue to cooperate as he tried to vocalize the simple three words he wanted to say. words were his only mastered method of communication—he attached a piece of him to every crisp consonant pronounced, and every vowel that rolled off his tongue. he was now stripped of it, left with nothing but incoherent sounds, struggling to string together any letter that he could. kimura could feel the frustration radiating off of him, and she urged the driver to go faster.

the sirens of the ambulance grew softer as your sobbing became an isolated sound, ringing in his ears.

“spencer, please, don’t leave. we can figure this out, i swear we can.”

he felt the words sear his mind deeper and deeper as things went quiet. your voice echoed, its imaginary soundwaves bouncing the walls of his mind.

somehow, the whisper of your words was amplified.

and that whisper pushed everything down. in a matter of milliseconds, the thoughts, the moments, the memories, and all the feelings came back to him, tearing down the walls he worked so hard to build. as if in the greatest drought possible, the flood of you came back to him, and there was no more space for him to breathe. no escape.

he blacked out at the thought of you, exhaustion hitting him all at once.

hazy, his mind searched through its archives for his last touch of you. his last kiss. nothing. absolutely nothing.

what the fuck was the use of an eidetic memory if he couldn’t pull out the memory he wanted to at the exact moment he needed to?

was it raining? it felt like it was raining. he could distinctly remember the rain pattering. or, no, was that construction on the street? were you in his living room? there are pillows. they’re on the floor. that might be his bedroom. you’re pacing the room and your hair is disheveled. he can only remember your face. your pretty, pretty face. oh, how he could stare at it until the sun set and the darkness trickled in. and although he didn’t believe in god, he prayed that your hair would get in front of your face so he could brush it behind again and again, and relive the feeling of seeing your face for the first time. no, focus. did she kiss you before she left? did she give you that honor? a final blessing, a final goodbye? or was the only thing you received from her lips the words that scorned you for days to come?

now he remembered why he pushed you away. because at every thought of you, all he had to hang on to, at the last minute of you, was pain.

ironic, isn’t it? that when he can physically feel himself rotting and each centimeter of his body crying out, he is left to his thoughts and even that couldn’t bring him solace.

when he woke, the sudden, fluorescent light struck him harder than ever. aching, boring spots into his vision, it contrasted from the feeling in his throat, the lightness that his body now had after the cure. and although it ached to speak, he needed to tell morgan. “can you call garcia?”

morgan knew not to prod, and brought out his phone to call her immediately. “you were going to live, i told you you were going to live.” her voice picked up. “thank you, garcia. i-uh, i have another favor to ask.” though his voice quivered, he was surer than ever.

you arrived to the hospital, your pulse louder than the chatter streaming through the hallways. spencer’s job inevitably entailed injuries, and when you were dating, you knew how to emotionally prepare yourself for it. but now was different. on good days, your mind did its best to hang on to reality, and on bad days, you fought the urge to be left to your imagination. so to finally see him again, in the worst condition you could possibly hope for, it was just too much.

as the nurse directed you to his room, and morgan knew to let you through the wall of guards, you finally landed eyes on the man who held every single feeling of yours in the palm of his hand.

the color slowly returning to face did no job in soothing your worries. the fluorescents and hospital gown washed him out, his face becoming devoid of any semblance of himself.

but he saw you, too. and god, did it all come back to him.

the late nights you’d spend waiting for him after cases, the sleepy and breathy ‘i love you’ you would whisper before bed, the sacred mornings of quiet and coffee, and the purest, loveliest, most meaningful kisses goodbye.

the kisses spoke a million words unsaid, the syllables, instead, hanging on to the thin skin of your lips. hello, goodbye, i love you, i’ll see you later, i want to be with you, i can’t wait to be with you, you’re my tomorrow.

“how are you?” your voice sung.

he finally had another piece of you to hang on to, to archive, to selfishly keep for himself when things got quiet.

“doctors say i’ll make a speedy recovery.” he attempted to be jubilant.

you sighed. “why did you call me, spencer?”

it was a good question. he was still wrapping his head around the why, but he felt the reasons spilling in his head. it was because of one thing, one thought that set everything off, and he couldn’t bear function if he ignored it.

“i was going to die.” he hesitated. and as your face softened, he knew that he wanted nothing more than to be vulnerable with you and be honest. you always were the only person who would listen to him.

“i was going to die and i couldn’t remember our last kiss.”

you felt the heaviest breath leave your lungs, wisping up into the air and dissipating into the cloud of words he left there to hang.

“it was a sunday. the day you left.” you waited for a signal to continue, and he pursed his lips. he was listening. “it was a sunday, and it was raining. and i’ve always loved the rain, but god, i’ve hated it since.” your slight exasperation dripped into your voice. “you said we couldn’t do this, and-and i cried, and i told you that we could figure it out.” you paused, trying to hold back any tears from forming. you’ve cried too much already. “i told you we could figure it out, and you grabbed your bag and planned to leave. so i held your wrist back, and i asked you to kiss me one last time.”

“you always did kiss me goodbye.” he said. “i did, and i tried to tell myself that this wasn’t any different, that i’d see you again after work or after your case. and so you kissed me, and i could taste salt, from my tears. and i could smell your cologne. mahogany and cinnamon. i remember the day you bought that, too. i remember everything, spencer.” you stifled a nervous laugh. “why don’t you?”

“i don’t know. i’m supposed to remember everything, aren’t i?”

you wanted to hold his hand, to carry his pain. “that’s what i thought, but maybe it’s just different when your brain is protecting itself?”

“i don’t want it to protect me.” he said, not an ounce of hesitation in his voice. “if protection means i end up scouring my thoughts for a real, lasting memory of you, then that’s not a protection i want.”

“do you want to change the memory, then?” you asked. “of what?”

“our last kiss. our goodbye kiss.”

spencer was silent, brooding, thinking. his thoughts were as quiet as they could be, so he could focus on everything else.

he’d remember the light, the sounds of the corridor, the way the sheets felt on his skin, the way the horrid hospital smell was unavoidable, the way he wanted water. most of all, he’d remember you, how you could fill all of his senses at one simple touch.

as you inched nearer and nearer, spencer closed his eyes, his thoughts switching to focus on you, to isolate the sights, sounds, smells, feelings, and taste, making everything come down to this one, final, fleeting moment. the touch of your lips.

solace.

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madame-wilsonn · 2 years

Text

Cold hands, warm heart

MASTERLIST

Summary: you’re outside, it’s winter and you’re cold but thankfully, your knight in shining armor black leathery gloves is here!

A/N: this is loosely inspired by my own experience in the cold…except I didn’t have Tommy. I am also strangely in love with people’s hands especially when they wear gloves so I decided to mix these two ideas together and write something about it! Enjoy!! 🤍✨

Warning: idk…winter? cold weather? fluff?

You sighed, rubbing your hands together. You couldn’t feel your fingers anymore, your skin was burning due to the frosty weather, your feet numb as you made your way through the crisp land. Winter had finally arrived, the first snow of the season shrouding the country in its sparkling, silvery coat in the early hours of the morning.

At the sight of the white scenery, you had begged Tommy to come with you on a walk, your voice filled with such a pure, innocent enthusiasm he couldn’t even think about refusing.

You waited until after lunch when the sun was higher in the sky, the temperature slightly warmer than it was in the morning to put on your wool coat, your scarf, a hat for your ears but in your precipitation, you happened to forget about your gloves.

It was fine at first, you felt like a child all over again, enjoying the somehow sweet breeze brushing against your face. Fond memories of you tracing angels in the ground, making snowmen and having snowball fights with your cousins rushing through your mind. Tommy couldn’t help smiling as well, he loved seeing you so carefree and relaxed.

You walked on the mansion’s grounds, talking about your day and the upcoming family dinner you wanted to plan as Ada was coming back from Boston.

However, you quickly realized that you were beginning to not feel your fingers anymore, no matter how many time you tried to warm them up by blowing on them. And the further you went from the house, the less you could feel any of your limbs.

But you insisted to go out so you chose to stay quiet, try to focus on something else than the arctic cold gnawing at your feet, your hands, your ears, your-

“Everything alright, love?” Tommy’s hand came to rest against your back as he noticed you becoming more and more silent.

You hummed in agreement but slowly leaned into his body, the warmth emanating from him welcoming you into the softest embrace. You couldn’t resist it, it was so cold, too cold for someone as delicate as you and he…oh he was like a nice fireplace smelling like very expensive cologne with a hint of tobacco.

Your husband sighed when he noticed your bare hands.

“Where are your gloves?”

You hid your face in the crook of his neck and whispered you left them home.

“How can you forget your gloves, eh? You have at least ten different pairs!”

“I know, I know, I am so…so stupid” you replied absentmindedly as you found some extra warmth in his heavy winter coat, your hands sliding around his waist. It was funny how his voice seemed far, far away in the pleasant envelope of his coat.

Tommy sighed again, grabbing you by your shoulders. You pouted, the cold hitting your body again and before you could tell him he didn’t have to be so mean just because you forgot about your gloves, you felt a soft fabric around your hands. Looking down, you saw his black leather gloves, shielding your delicate fingers from the cold.

You smiled, your heart growing twice its size for your sweet husband. Sometimes you really wondered how you managed to get so lucky. You leaned in again, and put your lips against his cheek, silently thanking him for his thoughtfulness.

“I love you, Tom” you said in a honeyed voice, close to his ear.

“Yeah, yeah, I love you too. Now, come on, let’s get you home. I’ll run you a bath.”

You were beaming at him, taking his hand and kissing his knuckles.

“Will you be joining me?”

He brought you closer, kissing your temple.

“If I ever say no to that question, I want you to use my revolver against me and shoot me with it, alright?” he replied with a smirk.

You giggled as the both of you made your way through the snow back to Arrow house, your head resting against Tommy’s shoulder. Forgetting your gloves didn’t sound so bad now, did it?

#thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby fic #thomas shelby fluff #thomas shelby #tommy shelby #peaky blinders #anna’s fics

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babyboibucky · 3 years

Text

The Match - Part 9

Pairing: CEO!Bucky x Fem!Reader

Summary: Bucky brings you and Mackenzie with him to an important meeting.

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: Uhhhh hmm work tension, sexual tension, idk Bucky and Mackenzie being annoying as usual lmao

A/N: ALSO I know I haven’t mentioned what the fuck Bucky’s company is all about because c’mon, I didn’t expect I’d get this far lmao so IDK there might be continuity issues or inaccuracies or whatevah, just ignore it lmao it’s fiction. ANYWAAAY, I just want to say how GRATEFUL AND OVERWHELMED I am with the amount of attention that this series is getting. I appreciate every feedback, every ask and every freaking debate about this shit lmfao. I love you guys. I can’t put into words how much I appreciate you all askcnasjkcnak bye

The Match Masterlist || MAIN MASTERLIST

Don't let Bucky or Mackenzie get to you.

Mark's advice rang in your ears like a chant as you watched Bucky and Mackenzie's exchange about the project. Joining them in the conference room for a major brainstorming session was you and a couple of people from your team with Beverly taking down the minutes of the meeting.

The upcoming project was a huge one, given that Barnes Group of Companies was a huge name in the automobile industry. Meanwhile, Wilson Enterprises is one of the biggest autonomous vehicle technology companies out there. This partnership was one for the books, possibly an industry changer too.

You wanted to be a part of it, wanted to spearhead the entire thing and watching Mackenzie take the reigns on this one was truly making your blood boil.

"That sounds like a nice idea, Kenzie." Bucky praised, nodding his head.

Mackenzie shrugged, "It's what I do, Buck." she said.

"Yeah, it's a great idea. I do have some comments though, if you don't mind?" you asked.

Bucky and Mackenzie exchanged glances before turning to you. You glanced at Bucky for a quick second before ignoring the way he was eyeing you with genuine interest.

"I know that bringing in a celebrity to endorse this brand new model would definitely create noise around the partnership. Although I think that would take the spotlight away from the actual product we're creating here. We want customers to focus on the brand new car model and the technology that Wilson Enterprises will be providing it with, not on the celebrity endorser." you explained.

Mackenzie hummed, "I get where you are coming from. That's a good point, actually. But a celebrity endorser will pretty much do everything for the brand. Have him up on billboards and different advertisements and you're all set." she further explained.

You chuckled, "But then how will people understand what the entire partnership is all about? Aren't we supposed to be communicating a certain message to our consumers? Wouldn't it be better to hold an event to launch the product instead? Invite the press and key opinion leaders to spread the word. Have Bucky and Mister Wilson talk about this partnership. They're famous and powerful enough to get the message across. Why waste the budget on a celebrity when we literally have everything we need to make noise?" you shrugged.

The entire room was silent after your feedback, even Mackenzie wasn't able to respond to your suggestion. Glancing over at Bucky, you saw that he was giving you the look-- the one with half-lidded eyes matched with a head tilt, the one that often resulted to him giving you a very nice reward once office hours are over.

Feeling your breath hitch in your throat, you quickly looked away and shrugged your shoulders, "I mean, that's just my two cents. Having worked here for years, I just based it on my experience. You're the expert here, Mackenzie." you offered a proud smile.

Mackenzie tried to brush it off and turned to Bucky, "What do you think, Buck? I'm still into the idea of hiring a celebrity. That's good publicity. And let's not get worried about the budget now," she said, placing a hand on top of Bucky's that was resting on the table, "I have a lot of connections so I can definitely get an endorser for a much lower rate." she reassured.

"We may have a huge budget for this, but that doesn't automatically mean that we have to use it all up. We can allocate it somewhere else, maybe start a CSR campaign as well? We are, after all, coming out with an environmental-friendly model." you suggested.

You heard Bucky when he took a sharp inhale, bringing his hands up to rub his lips as if in deep thought. He then turned to Beverly, however, his eyes remained on you.

"Take note of everything she says." he reminded her before standing up.

He asked everyone else in the room of their opinions, whether it was your or Mackenzie's idea that the company will go for. The team was divided in half, some of them preferring Mackenzie's celebrity pitch probably because they didn't want to do a lot of work.

Bucky nodded, "Well, I guess we'll have to discuss both ideas with my partner Sam and let's see where we will go from there. I have a meeting with him this afternoon, I need you and Kenzie with me there." he said, looking at your before turning to Kenzie with a charming smile.

Don't let them get to you.

You've never wanted for the ground to swallow you up until this moment as you stood behind Bucky and Mackenzie in the elevator. This felt so much more uncomfortable than when you shared it with Bucky after swiping right with him on Tinder. There was still tension and it felt so much worse now because you didn't know whether it was between you and Bucky or him and Mackenzie.

Fucking Mackenzie and her nicely manicured nails which always seemed find its way around Bucky's arm. You eyed her hands as they squeezed his arm, the both of them talking in hushed voices as if you weren't standing behind them.

"I've been dying to try this restaurant, I heard they serve good food. Do you want to go have dinner there sometime this week?" she asked Bucky.

"I'll check my schedule, which restaurant is this?" he asked.

When Mackenzie uttered the name of that restaurant where you celebrated your promotion, you and Bucky choked on your own spits at the same time. Warmth crept up to your cheeks at the same time Bucky's ears reddened.

"Oh, what's going on?" Mackenzie asked with a nervous chuckle as she looked at you and Bucky, struggling with your coughs.

You recovered first and shook your head, "Sorry, I get allergies. Anyway, I've been to that restaurant. They do serve good food, the staff was very hospitable as well. I'm sure Bucky would enjoy it there." you said with a smile, pushing your way past them when the elevators door slid open.

Mackenzie asking Bucky whether he was up for dinner was the last thing you heard. Good luck explaining to her why he's banned from there, you thought to yourself.

Bucky led the way to his car and it instantly brought certain memories back. You weren't going to lie, you missed the fucking and how Bucky always made sure to take care of your needs. Seeing his car was enough to make your thighs clench at the memory of him fingering you as he drove.

His gaze was on you when he opened the door to the passenger's seat, his eyes inviting as you approached him. And just as when you were about to slip in, he turned over to Mackenzie and gestured for her to get in.

What a fucking asshole, you thought to yourself as you took a step back to ride in the back instead. You tried to keep your expression stoic when you saw that Bucky checked for a reaction. He seemed perplexed when he saw that you didn't react that much to what he did.

One hundred points to Gryffindor.

The location for the meeting was at a nearby restaurant so you didn't suffer that much during the entire ride. Mackenzie was busy with her phone anyway, typing out messages with those manicured fingers you were beginning to hate.

By the time all three of you arrived, Sam was already there. He donned a navy blue suit and he was rocking it. You'd seen his photos on the internet and knew that he was good-looking, but seeing him in the flesh, you were stunned at how gorgeous he was. Sam stood up when he saw Bucky, offering a kind smile to you and Mackenzie.

You weren't sure whether you were just being assuming or what, but you noticed how his eyes lingered on you longer that it did with Mackenzie.

"Sam." Bucky greeted, shaking his hand before introducing you and Mackenzie.

Sam shook Mackenzie's hand first before he turned to you. You took his hand and introduced yourself, "Mister Wilson." you said.

"Please, just Sam." he told you as he gently squeezed your hand before letting go.

"Have a seat." Sam said to Bucky and Mackenzie before pulling out the chair next to him, motioning for you to sit down.

You thanked him and sat down; straightening up, you were met with Bucky's watchful gaze as he sat down across you. Your attention was taken away when Sam asked what you wanted to order, he even suggested a certain dish and immediately went to discuss that it was his favorite thing to order.

This was going to be an interesting meeting.

And interesting it truly was, because you didn't expect for Sam to be so laid-back and easy to communicate with. He wasn't one of those uptight CEOs who were very intimidating to work with. Simply put, he was the complete opposite of Bucky. While Bucky was ice cold, Sam was sunshine and warmth with his attitude.

When it came down to pitching your and Mackenzie's ideas to him, you suddenly got nervous. Sam wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth; from what you've read, he started off working regular jobs before he climbed his way to the top. He was a self-made man and he had extensive knowledge in the marketing industry, having a doctorate degree in the said area.

Mackenzie was the first to discuss her strategy about hiring a celebrity endorser. She said it was fast and straight to the point. When it was your turn, you started off a bit shaky but eventually found your pacing.

"We wanted to ask you how this should go on about. I know that the offer for a partnership came from our end and that we're supposed to pitch the details for it. But we wanted you to be involved in this as much as we are." Bucky further explained.

Sam nodded and let out an amused chuckle, "I really appreciate this, Buck. I was going to ask you if I can contribute with the planning as well. I'm very particular when it comes to marketing our products." he said.

"That being said, I loved both ideas. I think hiring a celebrity endorser is good." he said, making Mackenzie smile proudly.

"But I would rather hold an event to launch the product. You understand the product and what we want to do with it. It's not just a brand new car, it's an innovation and the messaging is very important. I'm very impressed." Sam said, his attention geared towards you.

"Wow, I'm honored." you laughed. "Coming from you, I mean I've read about the marketing studies you did. Pretty big deal to receive a compliment from you." you admitted.

It was meant to be a genuine reaction, really. You had no ill intentions for it, you didn't do it to make Bucky jealous or get the upper hand. However, your passion for your career and area of expertise seemed to favor you. It had Bucky on edge, seeing you and Sam get along so well.

You didn't even need to check for Bucky's reaction because he simply cleared his throat and excused himself to go to the restroom. Mackenzie seemed unbothered though, when Sam favored your pitch over hers. You couldn't read her, sometimes she'd come off competitive but right now, she was unaffected.

When Bucky got back, he was quick to finalize the meeting, "I guess it's a done deal then. We'll work on the details of the launch and maybe we can set another meeting for the major presentation for your approval?" he asked Sam.

"That sounds like a plan. I'm looking forward to working with you." Sam told everyone, although he did seem to be directly addressing you.

"Alright, I'm leaving too." Mackenzie announced after Sam left the restaurant.

"Oh, you're not heading back to the office with us?" Bucky asked.

Mackenzie shook her head, throwing her bag over her shoulder, "I have another meeting. You know how it is with freelance work." she said as all three of you stood up to head outside of the restaurant.

"My Uber's here, I guess I'll see you both sometime this week." she said and waved at you before turning to Bucky and pressing a kiss on his cheek.

"I'm counting on that dinner, okay?" she reminded before slipping into her Uber, leaving you and Bucky to head back to the office together.

Alone with Bucky. In his car. The exact same car where plenty of fucking happened. Again, you chanted Mark’s advice in your head over and over again.

Don’t let Bucky get to you. And most of all, don’t cave in.

You quickly slipped inside the front seat of Bucky’s car before he could even open it up for you. The air was thick between you and Bucky and it almost felt like it was suffocating you. Reaching for the seatbelt, you tugged at it but it wouldn’t budge. Cursing to yourself, you tried again but to no avail.

“What’s wrong?�� Bucky asked.

“Nothing. Seatbelt’s just stuck.” you grunted, using both your hands to pull down at it.

“Here, let me.”

Suddenly, Bucky reached over to your seatbelt and tried to fix it. His face was inches away from yours and you literally felt your insides jump at how you were immediately drowned in his perfume. If you moved forward so much as half an inch, your lips would already be pressing against the corner of Bucky’s mouth. And that thought was sending your senses into overdrive.

Do not. Cave. In.

The loud click of the seatbelt made you relax and thank goodness that Bucky was quick to move away from you, fixing his suit before starting the engine. The office may just be nearby but the fact that you and Bucky were together was making it feel like it was going to be an hour-long drive.

“So what do you think about Sam?” Bucky asked out of the blue.

He was gauging you, trying to get a reaction from you. Maybe he was expecting you to be flirty with your response, or be defensive even? You weren’t going to give him that.

“I think he’s great. Like I said, I’ve read his marketing studies and they were very insightful. I learned a lot.”

Plain, simple and safe. There was no hidden meanings and no malice; you were doing great at this whole not letting Bucky get to you thing. You made a mental note to thank Mark for his advice.

“He seems interested in you.” Bucky said again, shrugging his shoulders a bit and trying to be as nonchalant as he could.

“Well we are in the same field of expertise and I was very straightforward about admiring his skills. I’d be disappointed if he brushed off my ideas.” you slightly chuckled.

“I liked Mackenzie’s idea better, honestly.” Bucky blurted out.

By this time, you had Bucky’s plans figured out. He was coming for your job, using it as a bait to get a reaction out from you. He knew how much your career meant for you, how competitive you were in your field. Whenever his other tactics wouldn’t work, he’d always go for the career aspect.

“It was good.” you agreed, turning to Bucky with a small smile. “I think we can do that for other campaigns. Just not with this partnership. I like her.” you said.

“You do?” Bucky asked in surprise before he cleared his throat upon realizing that he sort of broke his facade.

You shrugged, “She’s a headstrong woman. She reminds me of myself actually.”

If you were alone, you would have given yourself a high-five because that statement truly made Bucky think. His forehead creased as he drove, his hand rubbing his chin and his jaw clenching as if he was in deep thought.

It was silent inside the car for a brief moment, before it was interrupted by the trilling of Bucky’s phone. He fished it out of his pocket but before he could even answer it, it slipped out of his hand and disappeared beneath his seat.

“Fuck.” Bucky cursed, both his hands on the steering wheel as he continued to drive, his attention divided between driving and searching for his ringing phone.

“Shit.” he hissed again, not knowing how to get his phone while driving. He quickly glanced at you before focusing on the road again. “Baby, can you get it for me?”

You almost missed the term of endearment. Almost. It was obviously a slip of the tongue because he genuinely didn’t seem to realize that he called you that. Bucky was more focused on the road rather than processing what he just said. You chose to ignore it the same way you did to the butterflies that erupted in your stomach.

“Yeah, okay.” you said and reached over to him, bending down to look for his phone.

In a split second, your face was right in front of Bucky’s crotch as you tried to reach beneath his car seat. You tried to ignore the bulge that was staring right at you and let your hand do the searching.

“Can you reach it?” Bucky asked.

You straightened up, “No. Can you pull aside?” you asked.

Bucky checked the surroundings and then the rearview mirror, “We can’t. We’re at a no loading and unloading zone.” he explained.

The phone continues to trill and it doesn’t seem like it would stop any time now. You sighed and removed your seatbelt before stretching your body over Bucky, slipping underneath his arms on the steering wheel so you can fully reach under his seat.

From another car’s view, you looked like you were giving him a blowjob. Not that you haven’t done that before, in this same car.

Finally, you felt his phone at the tip of your fingers and stretched further, your free hand coming to grip Bucky’s thigh unintentionally. It was only when you felt his muscles flex beneath his trousers that you realized how near your hand was to his crotch.

“Did you,” Bucky cleared his throat. “Did you get it?” he stammered.

You still have a certain effect on him, how very nice. Biting back a smirk, you hummed in response before pulling back and then handing him his phone casually. Mackenzie’s name was flashing on the screen as the phone continued to ring.

“Sorry, can you answer it and put it on speakerphone?” Bucky asked again.

You shrugged and did as you were told, holding the phone near Bucky as he continued to drive.

“Hey, Kenzie. Sorry, I dropped my phone. What’s up?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, so my meeting got cancelled at the last minute. I was thinking maybe we can grab that dinner tonight instead?”

Bucky stole a quick glance from you but your face remained stoic, your hand steady as you held out his phone.

“Sure, how does around 7pm sound? I can pick you up.” Bucky offered.

“Sounds great. So are we checking that restaurant I was talking about?”

Bucky’s ears turned red again but he quickly recovered, “I was thinking of trying out a different one. I honestly didn’t like their dessert.”

Huh, that was weird. You and Bucky didn’t even make it to--

Fuck, he was talking about you, you realized. Clenching your jaw, you tried to keep calm. He was trying to get a rise out of you, don’t give in. Don’t react. Bucky’s conversation with Mackenzie didn’t last long and ended when they settled the location for their dinner.

The ride back to the office was quiet again, until your phone lit up from a notification. Bucky was already parking in the basement when you checked your phone, an audible gasp slipping past your lips upon reading the notification from LinkedIn.

Samuel Wilson wants to connect with you.

The Match Special Tags:

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