#but cis people? probably not. they can call me 'he' or 'they' or they can fuck off & never get to know me because they don't wanna know ME
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it's so funny (read: sad) that if bigoted fuckheads didn't insist i was a woman simply by virtue of my body at birth, i'd probably be chill with she/her pronouns in addition to he/they. if my mom didn't insist i was her daughter, i'd probably let her call me that, and we could still have a relationship.
i'm nonbinary and 'gendered' words are hypothetically meaningless, but because there are so many people who are more interested in telling me who i am rather than lovingly and curiously letting me express my own sense of self, those words carry trauma.
there's no reason a nonbinary person like myself can't be a son and a child and a daughter. there's no reason a nonbinary person like me can't go by he, they, and she.
'she' is not a slur. 'daughter' is not derogatory. 'beautiful' 'pretty' 'gorgeous' 'feminine' are not insults.
to the contrary, they're parts of language that express certain facets of a multi-faceted human existence, like mine.
and i have this sad, mournful feeling that if it weren't for unloving, condescending people, i'd probably be down to be called any of those things alongside my usual masculine/neutral terminology.
but i'd rather die than let anyone tell me what i have to be called.
#i try to reclaim 'feminine' words for myself in private#calling myself 'babygirl' when i need to chill out. or saying i feel pretty. or going 'she needs help' when i'm struggling lmao.#but there's still so much fucking trauma in those words from the people who've forced them on me#who've snarled in my face that GOD made me ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY and that's a WOMAN (stepdad)#who've guilted me for taking their precious perfect daughter away as if i'm fucking dead (mother)#who've mocked me and everyone like me as if we're not the experts on our own sense of self (general transphobic public)#like. i'm not a fucking man. i'm not a fucking woman. i'm nonbinary. gender is absurdity as a concept. i'm done with it.#but being called a man or a son or a guy or 'he' or WHATEVER in that vein is fine and dandy because i've never had anyone say#'that is all you can EVER be'. or worse: 'that is what GOD made you to be and you have a ROLE to fill'#(christianity pls die approximately yesterday thanku 💖)#so yeah. idk. ranting yet again about Cis Audacity.#the complete lack of empathy. the lack of curiosity even.#the condescending bullshit. the 'i understand you better than you do'. the fucking AUDACITY.#i am the expert on myself. i am the ONLY expert on myself. period. no contest. not a debate.#i understand myself better than anyone else is CAPABLE of understanding me.#i could call myself 'she' and understand that i meant it in a nonbinary way.#in fact i could even see myself letting other trans people call me feminine terms at some point in the future. when i've healed more.#but cis people? probably not. they can call me 'he' or 'they' or they can fuck off & never get to know me because they don't wanna know ME#/end rant#any terfs/bigots that try to touch this post will be swiftly blocked and quite possibly cursed. have the day you deserve <3
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Considering wwx's canonical breeding kink and his general fondness for dubiously safe scientific experiments it is technically within the realm of possibility that a few years post-canon he just invents cultivation hrt and transition surgery by accident.
He just rocks up to a cultivation conference one day 5 months pregnant like "I turned my body into that of a woman! Yeah the boobs too we travel a lot and don't want a wetnurse. I'll reverse it in two years or so." And every single trans person and egg in the culivation world simultaneously sits up and goes "wait what?"
Imperical to understand that wwx still fully identifies as a cis man and does not know trans people exist. He did not know he was gay while actively being in gay love, this man is very smart but he doesn't know shit. Just a few weeks after the conference people start coming over like "hey... that thing you did... can you do that to me?" and he's like damn sure are a lot of dudes who wanna get pregnant. One day a "female" cultivator comes and is like "so you said you're going to reverse it... you think you can do that on a body that's already female? Turn my body into a man's body?" And he just goes well probably, let's find out!! It's so great all these people wanna help him perfect his techniques, isn't it lan zhan?
Years later they run into one of the trans women he first helped and doesn't even recognise her as she's thanking him and after the clarification just goes "wow! haha damn you're even wearing women's clothes! Should I start calling you guniang?" sort of as a joke but she's like yes please and he just says alright nice to see you again ma'am (still doesn't get it)
#is this mpreg?#i feel like by definition this counts as mpreg#wwx opening the first gender clinic completely by accident#mdzs#mdzs headcanons#wei wuxian#i think lwj does know trans people exist but he's an ally#it was a part of the whole 'working through all his queer feelings + questioning society for 13 years' thing#trans ally by accident (wwx) vs on purpose (lwj)
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LOUD.
a Jedi Shadow!Obi-Wan AU
“Each of us, every single clone, is a one-man army. And yes, I am… I’m so proud of them. We protect the Galaxy, we die fighting for the Galaxy and its peoples. We are not made for peace times, Obi-Wan.”
The cynical part of Obi-Wan wants to ask why Cody is so steadfast in his belief when everywhere the clones go they’re confronted with people dismissing them, equating them to the droids they’re fighting.
He understands, though. Jedi are only welcome where people know about the help they can provide. The Order is looked down upon, the Jedi just as easily dismissed, more often than not when it comes to it.
And still. And still. The call to protect people is too strong to ignore. He doesn’t want to ignore the call. He can help so he does.
So yes, he understands Cody and his need to fight.
He watches as Cody self-consciously rubs the back of his neck, fingers not halting over the port, so— so used to its presence, as the silence reigns. Cody doesn’t try to further his explanations. He said his piece and that’s that.
Obi-Wan settles down on the floor in front of the weightlifting bench. And Cody.
He crosses his legs automatically, the armor he has to don if he wants to engage in the battles blessedly absent, here. His fingers find Cody’s other hand in his lap, tapping it lightly, glancing by the embedded screen in the armored boot proclaiming Cody as belonging to the 212th.
Commander Cody got his own Attack Battalion. Mace remains the immediate superior but the brass saw Cody’s merit. No Jedi can easily fill the role as war general and Cody is… too brilliant to not be in charge. He and Mace have been flattening the CIS, the GAR is only too happy to spread out their heavy hitters.
“He’s always giving them a chance to surrender first,” Cody had commented on Mace, pride and admiration shining from his whole body. “How he’s able to walk with balls like that is a mystery to me.”
Obi-Wan had politely choked on nothing.
Once Cody is looking at him, apologies in his eyes for being made for war, of war, Obi-Wan signs a simple question. “How would you know?”
Temper makes the scarred eyebrow rise and Obi-Wan continues, undeterred now that Cody’s attention isn’t on misplaced guilt.
“You know nothing but war. You’ve learnt nothing but war. You’ve,” Obi-Wan pauses to swallow the grief, “experienced nothing but war in your life. How would you know you’re not made for peace times when you haven’t even had the chance to live in them?”
A smile, half there and fleeing, cracks, warm brown eyes watch Obi-Wan’s hands. “In my darkest moments I’m not sure I’ll even see them.”
Obi-Wan is against false promises but hope has never left his life’s side and he’d like to share. “We work together and we end this war. We see as many of you and us on the other side as possible.”
“Sounds like an easy first step,” Cody laughs ruefully, and leans down, captures Obi-Wan’s unmasked face, blurred by the unknown, and holds their foreheads together for a long self-indulgent moment.
Obi-Wan ducks his head, mask and scars in place once more. “Is that something you wish? To see me?”
Cody shakes his head, shoulders tight. “I’m sorry. I went too far.”
No, you didn’t, Obi-Wan wants to tell him, I want you to see me.
Soon. Probably. As soon as Obi-Wan has removed the screws from his heart and their doubting pressure.
“I think I can help you,” Obi-Wan signs, bullheading through the burgeoning silence. “But I need your help for that.”
“What do you need,” Cody asks, all Commander now that he’s got a mission objective.
“I want to know how you can communicate neurally and who has access to that channel.” He’s been looking into it for months, always ending in front of a Kaminoan wall. He’s at his wits end and now, now, with Bail confirming Palpatine is shuffling credits to the CIS and it’s still only heresy where a court is concerned…
Kamino confirmed only authorized personnel has access to the comm links in the clones’ heads. What if those include the CIS?
Cody blinks in surprise. “General Windu has access to that information.”
Does he? Obi-Wan is beginning to doubt that fact. “Humor me.”
Shoulders go wide, straight, loose. “Protocol dictates that, in case of emergency in an engagement situation, a High General is able to deploy orders directly to a CC-class clone via the Force after initiating with the correct identification.”
The clones are password-locked. Obi-Wan tries very, very hard to keep his expression neutral. “I assume every Commander knows the identification?”
Cody starts to smile, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, ready to playfully lecture Obi-Wan about confidentiality. Obi-Wan can see that, can feel the intention of Cody to do so. Before his eyes sharpen like the back-up blade in the boot holster. “Is there a leak?”
“Not that I’m sure of,” Obi-Wan hurries to sign. “Cody, please, what is the initialization sequence?”
Cody watches him, tracks his every move and twitch and stillness with keen eyes. Obi-Wan lets him, not able to keep a lid on the worry he’s feeling, the Force hushed in absolute and anticipation. “Every Commander knows those words. No one else does. A High General can request it of his Commander. That is what General Windu knows. A Commander takes the words to their grave if they have to.” A built-in failsafe, based on the clones’ loyalty to the Republic. “And the Jedi,” Cody adds with a soft smile. “Maybe we have been trained to follow you but you have proven yourself over and over again. The initialization is—“ Cody’s face twists into confusion as the Force starts— starts to shriek in warning. “Is…”
Shards of glass hurtle towards Obi-Wan, high-pitched tone piercing his eardrums, hack into his thoughts—
“Who are you?”
Obi-Wan hurries, pulls a hand up and projects “Cody, wake”.
.
Cody wakes, blinks. Shakes the cloudy remnants of a dream gone wrong off, as stuck on him, burnt into him as some details of it are.
He looks up when he notices the presence by the training salle entry, smiles up at Obi-Wan, feels his eyes go soft, relaxed.
Obi-Wan stares back at him, mask in place which ups the distant, rumbling intensity of his gaze like an incoming storm. “Thank you,” he signs, and Cody can see the tremors in his fingertips. Blue eyes flick up to the surveillance camera in the ceiling, go back to him.
Cody… remembers. Obi-Wan pushing him behind a destroyed tank during battle, one hand covering the helmet camera while the other had signed “need to talk, no eyes” in battle signs.
He looks to the door again but Obi-Wan is suddenly right in front of him, cradling his face so gently Cody can feel tears prick at his eyes, forehead carefully, with no hesitation and too much meaning coming to rest against his.
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I have really mixed feelings about the small proportion of F/F fiction (original or fanfic), because yeah sure, people have their desires, they should write what they want, I get it. It all works out when I hear it from person to person. But somehow the logic only ever applies in one direction? "There are more male protagonists because men only care about male characters! Women also mostly care about male characters, because that's the majority of characters they get!" And then somehow we also yet kvetch when men write female characters (because it's incorrectly or something, nevermind if women are writing male characters correctly). Why don't we expect gay men to feel compelled only by femslash for the same reasons (but gender swapped) as the lesbian slashers/fujoshi? All of those very rational justifications are applied selectively, "for me for not for thee," and it all only leads to "idk I just don't wanna write femslash", for Reasons. Do we get to call them microaggressions yet?
--
No, you don't get to call other people's fantasy life a microaggression.
That is indeed "for me but not for thee" in the sense that you get to want what you want but other people aren't supposed to follow their id.
Do you also police gay men who spend too much time on drag and obsessing over female divas? That's an actual real world behavior that's somewhat equivalent. It frequently goes unchallenged, at least by progressives, because men are allowed to do whatever they want with chick stuff, while women are "stealing" if they dare to stray into dude stuff.
(God, I've seen so much more policing of drag kings being ~problematic~ for acting out stereotypical gender than policing of drag queens for the same. It's nuts!)
Fujoshi are often queer, but it's absurd to think we're mostly lesbians. We tend to be bi or asexual women with gender stuff going on, though there is a mix of everybody, including lesbians. There are also a lot of AFAB non-women who get lumped in with us. On the rare occasions I find a man willing to admit to being a similar demographic, he usually does like gender play in his hobbies and entertainment. It's just that men face even more pressure than women do to fit into tidy categories. Bi women get told we're whores. Bi men are told they don't exist.
Yes, I know plenty of lesbians who write more m/m than f/f, but in the big picture of all of AO3 or all of fanfic or all of media, they aren't the demographic driving these numbers. They're vastly outnumbered by the bi women, the asexual women, and the straight and gnc women.
The men we should be looking at as an equivalent aren't cis gay men but bicurious soy boys and the like.
Do most of us fujoshi object to equivalent men doing an equivalent thing? I've seen it sometimes, and I agree it's hypocritical. I'd like us to afford men the same ability to play and take on identities in their art. I remember enjoying Ranma fandom back in the day and reading quite a lot of f/f that was probably by men. It had some of that same sense of distance and fantasy that I so enjoy in m/m aimed at fujoshi. (I do consume some by-cis-gay, for-cis-gay content, both m/m and f/f, but it's often too literal and too bound up in specific named identities for my taste.)
On average, the people I see complaining most about men producing f/f material are the same people who think that because I have a clit, I should center my life around women exclusively. In other words, people spouting radfem ideology, perhaps on purpose or perhaps without realizing.
I do agree that some of the ways of expressing a lack of desire to write femslash can get pretty douchey. I want us to move away from some of the less accurate ones like "There are no compelling female characters" because of this.
But the reason for all these jerkass explanations is that women and people perceived as women who like m/m are constantly asked to explain ourselves. These aren't usually microaggressions: they're openly hostile. People get defensive and try to answer with important-sounding reasons about identity and pain because society at large won't accept "I like this" as the true explanation.
Pleasure is never enough of a reason for a woman to do something.
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HELLO I HAVE A REQUEST :3
A cowboy comes to work on a ranch and is set up to live in the barn, at night the farmer sends out his oldest son (y/n) to bring the cowboy dinner, the two start to talk and drink a little, the farmer eventually calls his son back to the main house. The next day the cowboy offers to show y/n how to care for horses and they go on a ride together until it starts to rain and they wait out the rain under a bunch of trees but the two need to be huddled together to stay dry. There’s lightning and y/n is startled (not scared, they just weren’t expecting the noise) and holds onto the cowboy, then after staring at each other for a little they kiss
This makes no sense, I haven’t slept in 2 days
-🎱
Hello, dearest! Oh my, I hope you have your sleep, dear.. Sleep is very important but this is so cute, makes me giggle when I think about it (*>∇<)ﾉ ♥︎♥︎
Sorry , it took longer than I expected though I was sure the story is a little confusing. I was writing this while I went out earlier ꨄ
( Male reader! It can be cis or trans, very sweet fluff, mention of the reader being a tease, flirty reader, smitten cowboy, mention of the reader's father being protective)
You were helping out with your mama, feeding and cleaning the horses while your mama was cooking. You were used to people, specifically cowboys coming in and worked a bit for your father on the ranch for extra money. You heard a lot of their story, all while they're cool but they all had in common, confident and cocky. You huffed in amusement whenever they tried to get to you, flirting and wooing you but your father kept you away from them.
It's funny, really. You're not that handsome yourself like the others said or so you assumed. You're just like your mama, you suppose it's your charm that makes you attractive. Sometimes you entertain yourself, flirt with them back and give them a little hope, only to get crushed when you decline their sweet offers.
One evening, while you're washing the dishes while humming your favorite tune. You saw a cowboy come and talk with your father, at first you thought it was just another cowboy like any other though something about him caught your eyes. You can't look away from him, his horse is so pretty and elegant. It's like it was for royalties, it's odd for a cowboy like him to have a horse like that. You chuckle, it is quite funny. You were caught by the cowboy as he gave you a cheeky grin, of course you looked away in embarrassment as you continued your chores. You can't believe you get caught by the cowboy, you're not used to getting flustered.
You sighed, getting him off of your mind. You should probably finish your chores as soon as you can, your mama doesn't like slacking off. You get up and carefully bring the plates and the cutleries to your mama, tonight is special.
Tonight was the night that everybody took their breaks, whether drinking until sunset, playing bets and gamble. It's the busiest night, full of cowboys and girls all around the town. It's the night you like to have fun with them too. It's the best way you get your tips, sometimes you just want to have fun. You were bringing arms full of plates to the tables and gave them your signature smile with a wink. You were having fun, chatting (more like flirting) with your customers until your father had called you.
You waved them goodbye and giggled when they had this lovesick smile on their faces. Your father had told you to bring the dinner to your guest, you were surprised. You never bring food to your guests,usually it's your younger sisters or brothers. You were curious, who could it be? It wasn't shocking if it's a cowboy or a cowgirl but you were sure you gave them a little extra attention. You wonder if they're fun to play with. You bring dinner to the barn and when you enter with a smile on your face, you see it was him again. The cowboy tipped his hat at you and went to take his dinner. With his grin on his face, he invited you to sit down next to him.
Of course you agreed, you were intrigued by him for no reason, maybe it's because of his handsome face or he's so well mannered with you. "My father won't like it if I'm slacking with ya, mister" you smirked as the cowboy chuckled, continued eating his dinner and thanked you. You kept chatting with few flirting here and there while the cowboy looked at you with glint in his eyes. You actually don't mind, it's like you're slowly felt comfortable with him. It's been a while since anyone wants to talk to you without them trying to win you over.
It's nice, you stood up once you realized how late it was and you need to help your mama and father out before they get suspicious. You waved goodbye at him with a smile on your face, getting flustered that you would rather stay there with him.
ᨏᨐᨓ............................................................ᨓᨐᨏ
The next day, you were doing your chores like usual. It was fun while it lasted last night, you hoped you could talk to that cowboy again. You heard he'll be going off later or tomorrow morning, maybe you could give him something so he can be remembered. You were so focused on what charms to give him that you didn't notice the cowboy behind you. You flinched, surprised when someone tapped your shoulder as you turned around. It was that cowboy again, "hey darlin'.. Uhh I.. You wanna ride with me?" He shyly asked as he averted his eyes, you could see small tinted blush over his cheeks. This was the first, you never had anyone so shy with you.
You smirked, "to where? My father will-" you were cut off by him quickly with his face flushed redder than before. "I already asked ya' dad, he gave me permission.. Would ya'?" He looked at you as if he was trying to be serious and intimidating but he was failing, he's shy and screaming inside as he hoped you would accept his offer. You were shocked, not only from being cut off but your father giving him permission! You were a bit suspicious but you accepted, you don't want to turn down his offer.. It's a once in a lifetime, sure you often get this from the others but this cowboy is different. You walked past him, went to his horse and you swore you could hear him silently cheer to himself. You chuckle and wait for him next to his horse.
It's been a long time since you rode horses, especially when your father won't let you outside unless you were doing your chores. The cowboy helps you sit on his horse while he sits behind you with his hand hugging your waist and the other holding the lead. You didn't want to think about it, people hold your waist a lot whether it's to move you somewhere or to flirt with you so why were you flustered now when he does it?
ᨏᨐᨓ............................................................ᨓᨐᨏ
You were screamed in joy, laughing as you yelled at him to go fast. The hair flew as you shut your eyes, eyes filled with tears as you cheered. Soon, he slowed down as your laugh also slowed down. Your hands were up when you rambled to him about the experience earlier until you could feel the raindrops. You looked up to see grey clouds as the cowboy guided you under a bunch of trees. "It won't do much but at leas' it's betta' than outside in the rain, sugar" he said as he huddled with you, trying to warm you up as you shivered, startled by the sudden lightning. You nodded your head with a smile on your face, that makes him looked away flustered again.
You laughed at him as you leaned your head on his shoulder. Grinning to yourself and waiting for the rain to stop until the cowboy tilted your chin up, staring at you as you both slowly leaned closer. Your eyes slowly shut once both of your lips were together, he kissed you with gentle care. It was more romantic from what you expected to be your first kiss.. He moved away with his cheeks flushed red, he shyly smiled at you. He was smitten as you both huddled together, his horse laying its head down ♡
#bottom male reader#x bottom male reader#cowboy#cowboy x male reader#sweet fluff#ʚanon 🎱ɞ#so romantic!! ♥︎♥︎#for request ♡♡#anon ask#male x male reader#male x reader#trans male reader#oc? maybe#oc x male reader
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The Hobie fandom has a lot of smut, and with a character so accepting on so many fronts, it means so much to me to see trans!readers being taken into consideration.
As a trans guy myself, I love seeking out ftm!smut. But often times, I often can't read them. Many times I'm left feeling unseen, reduced, or even feminized.
And I wanna talk about that a bit, if it's okay.
My take and feelings on FTM!smut - As a Trans Guy
Ngl as a trans guy myself I do feel a bit alienated by a lot of FTM!reader.
I'm gonna be honest - I feel like most ftm smut is written exactly as it would be a cis woman, just with the pronouns changed. Which is understandable, but not really how it works.
Cis women and trans men don't have sex the exact same, just because they're AFAB.
And I feel most smut writers haven't gone out of their way to research the sexual experiences of trans men and how we navigate the world.
Hobie smut is pretty vulgar, and I won't complaining! As a character, he has a high volume of smut, and probably the most diverse range, with Black!reader, ftm!readers, and male!readers being more common than most fandoms.
Black!Reader focuses on the unique experience of black people when in a relationship together. This unique experience is at the basis of black!reader.
But when we approach Ftm!reader - very often, our unique experience isn't reflected.
It's just assumed that because we are AFAB - there's no need to look deeper at the closer unique sexual experience trans men have - or to read up about it.
Most ftm!reader fic does not attempt to use affirming sexual language for trans men at all.
T-dicks - ie, natural clitoris enlargement you get after taking T - is a thing a lot of transitioning Trans men have.
But they're never called T-dicks in fanfiction. Only clits. It's very rare that a ftm!reader is described as having a dick - because so often the only dicks cis people recognize are natal dicks, and surgery-constructed ones.
Many cis writers may never even considered referring to a trans man's clitoris as a dick - pre or post T. They may see it as confusing to the reader, when it's not.
T-Dicks are dicks. Bottom growth didn't give you a full 3-4 inches, but you absolutely have growth and there are trans men that can penetrate with T-dicks - without surgery - if with the right partner.
The words pussy and cunt are used liberally in nearly all ftm!smut, and while many trans men are okay with these terms, I think a lot of cis writers ignore or do not know that often, terms like those can cause heavy dysphoria in a lot of ftm readers.
I don't think cis writers ever question if they might be making readers dysphoric - or showing them in a non-affirming way.
I feel like some writers believe that changing pronouns and calling the reader 'handsome' is really all it takes. Just write usual fem smut, change the pronouns - and done!
In reality, a large part of the ftm community feels uncomfortable with the word 'pussy' - and would much rather stuff like 'front hole'.
A poll on 'What do you call your downstairs?'
And I'm not saying that you can't call a trans man's genitals a pussy. And I'm not saying that a trans man calling his genitals a pussy is wrong.
I just feel like cis writers do not consider the dysphoria of their trans readers, when writing trans smut.
I feel like most cis writers don't actually seek out accounts of trans men and their sexuality.
I don't think they ever consider that these terms, talking about wetness and penetration (which many men on T can have problems with because of vaginal atrophy and dryness), breast, clits, cunts, pussy -
I don't think cis writers ever question 'Is this accessible for ftm readers that might have dysphoria? How can I make this accessible or easier for trans men who have bottom dysphoria?'
Or
'How can I make this more affirming of them as men?'
It's the assumption that, because we're all AFAB, because we have vaginas like cis women - then naturally we must all fuck the same regardless of gender, the only thing changing being the pronouns.
That's not true.
And also - Trans Men are never really written like gay men.
Trans men having sex with men is gay sex.
And even though most writers write trans men with male OCs - they hardly ever write their sex as if they are gay men.
99.9% of the time, it isn't written that way. Its always written as if it's 'straight sex'.
The experience of how gay men have sex is never really taken account into these fics, which makes me feel like a lot of writers don't see it as gay sex at all.
At most, the ftm reader may be described as a bottom - but never as an otter or twink or bear or cub or leather or anything.
They see it as AFAB sex.
Cause If I'm getting strictly candid - I feel like if a writer wrote mtf!smut and kept focusing on the girls 'hard throbbing cock and balls' - we'd all be like 'oh wow that's very intense centering on genitals that may alienate some trans women-'
But in ftm!smut focusing on 'wet tight juicy pussy and thriving clit' is standard. It's never really questioned.
And this is not to say 'oh trans women have it better they get better smut-' No. They really don't. I'm just bringing this up to highlight the fact that we should be making sure that trans!smut is accessible and affirming to the trans people they're about.
Seeing a fic in which a gay trans man prefers to use his asshole, like most gay men fuck, is VERY VERY rare.
I feel like most cis writers never consider the fact that gay trans men may want to perform sex in an affirming, clearly coded, masculine gay way.
It's always assumed we use our front hole, are okay with it being called a pussy, have no problems getting wet, or that we don't have dicks (T-dick is a dick).
And because of that - the lack of affirming language and the lack of affirming transmasc experiences makes it very hard for me as a FTM person to read smut about ftm!readers.
I feel like most of them don't actually take our comfort - or our experiences in mind.
I feel like most don't attempt to actually read accounts of trans guys having gay sex, and what that's often like.
If you're a writer who feels guilty of any of this - you're not a bad person or a bad writer. And I genuinely thank you for including us in your work - from the bottom of my heart.
But I want to highlight this -
Trans men having sex is not a 1:1 of cis women having sex. The same way trans women having sex is not a 1:1 of cis men having sex.
Or experiences are unique - and our dysphoria does affect our sex lives, and how we navigate them.
Please, do not let this put you off writing trans men. But please keep in mind that our experience is unique.
So often I read ftm!reader and feel reduced down to my pussy. Without breasts in the equation, so much ftm!smut focuses solely on the pussy.
If you write ftm!reader please please do not let this put you off, but here's some tips I can give as a trans guy
Please do slight research of ftm anatomy, read an article about gay trans men, or go on r/ftm (subreddit) and read some posts about trans men, read some nsfw posts where trans men tell hookup tales.
Advocate has an great article called '16 things I learned from having sex with Trans Men' - which details and dispels 16 myths about trans men in bed. It's written from the POV of gay men who have been with trans men in affirming ways.
This post is in no way meant to be an attack or subliminal at any one writer. If it was one writer, I wouldn't care.
But this is something I've experienced and seen across fandoms and across writers in this fandom too. I feel the urge to write this because searching for affirming ftm!fics - I often come away feeling even more dysphoric.
Not because of the word pussy or cunt or anything -
But because of the erasure of my experience, the idea that my gender doesn't influence my experience of sex - only my AFAB genitals do.
If you write ftm!smut, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, truly.
But I feel like I had to say this.
If you read this far, thank you! This is one of my more personal venting posts but I'm also trying to raise a point and start a discussion. And you reading through this and giving me your time and understanding is already helpful enough, so thanks!
Here's Hobie.
Bye.
#no proofread#uuhhhhh#uhhmm#hobie brown#atsv#spider punk#spiderpunk#hobie brown smut#Hobie brown x ftm!reader#Hobie x ftm!reader#smut#Hobie x reader#Hobie x y/n#Hobie x you#ftm!reader#ftm#trans!reader#transgender#trans#fanfic#fanfiction#fanfic writing#across the spiderverse#transmasc#transmasculine
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When parties fail, movements step up
This Saturday (19 Aug), I'm appearing at the San Diego Union-Tribune Festival of Books. I'm on a 2:30PM panel called "Return From Retirement," followed by a signing:
https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/festivalofbooks
Does anyone like the American two party system? The parties are opaque, private organizations, weak institutions that are prone to capture and corruption, and gerrymandering's "safe seats" means that the real election often takes place in the party's smoke-filled rooms, when a sure-thing candidate is selected:
https://doctorow.medium.com/weak-institutions-a26a20927b27
But there doesn't seem to be any way to fix it. For one thing, the two parties are in charge of any reform, and they're in no hurry to put themselves out of business. It's effectively impossible for a third party to gain any serious power in the USA, and that's by design. After the leftist Populists party came within a spitting distance of power in the 1890s, the Dems and Repubs got together and cooked the system, banning fusion voting and erecting other structural barriers.
The Nader and Perot campaigns were doomed from the outset, in other words. Either candidate could have been far more popular than the D and R on the ballot, and they still would have lost. It's how the deck is stacked, and to unstack it, reformers would need to take charge of at least one – and probably both – of the parties.
But that's not cause for surrender – it's a call to action. In an interview with Seymour Hersh, Thomas Frank (Listen, Liberal) sets out another locus of power, one with the potential to deliver control over the party to its base: social movements:
https://seymourhersh.substack.com/p/ordinary-people-by-the-millions
It's been done before. The parties are routinely transformed by power-shifts within their internal coalitions: since 1970, corporate Dems have consistently pushed the party to the right, making it the power of white-collar professionals and relying on working people showing up and marking their ballots with a D because they have "nowhere else to go."
Bill Clinton was the most successful of these corporate raiders, delivering the parts of the Reagan Revolution that Reagan himself could never have managed: dismantling tariffs and bank regulations, passing the crime bill and welfare "reform." He came within a whisper of (partially) privatizing Social Security.
This set in motion the forces that made Trumpism possible: when Dems told deindustrialized workers to "learn to code" and blamed them for the destruction of their communities, it opened a space for Make America Great Again, the (empty) workerist rhetoric of the GOP. The Dems' plan of putting "really smart people" in charge and letting them run things was a (predictable) disaster. "Really smart" isn't the same as "infallible" and really smart people can be spooked or bulled into doing the wrong thing – like Obama "foaming the runways" for the banks with the houses of mortgage holders, and leaving the bankers responsible for the Great Financial Crisis unscathed:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/15/mon-dieu-les-guillotines/#ceci-nes-pas-une-bailout
"Really smart people" can't get us out of this mess. Instead, we need the kind of muscular political action – the "whirlwind" – that characterized FDR's New Deal: "complete reformation of the banking industry.. just about every other industry as well. Regulation. Social Security. Public works. Antitrust. Soil conservation."
FDR got there by alienating his former classmates and refusing the go-slow entreaties of his cronies. He got there because there was a mass social movement that made him do it ("I want to do it, now make me do it"):
https://humanizingthevacuum.wordpress.com/2014/09/16/i-agree-with-you-i-want-to-do-it-now-make-me-do-it/
Every time in US history where one of the political party duopoly listened to its base, it was because of a mass social movement: the farmers' movement (1890s), labor (1930s), civil rights and antiwar (1960s). As Frank says:
Social movements succeed. They build and they change the intellectual climate and then, when the crisis comes, they make possible things like agrarian reform or the New Deal or the Civil Rights acts of the 1960s.
Today, we see the seeds of those social movements: the new union movement. Black Lives Matter. Neobrandeisians with their "hipster antitrust." These are the movements that are creating "ideas lying around": ideas that, in time of crisis, can move from the fringe to the center in an eyeblink:
https://doctorow.medium.com/ideas-lying-around-33a28901a7ae
They are setting in motion another transformation of the Democratic Party, from its top-down, "really smart people" model to a bottom-up, people-powered one, kept in check by movements, not party bosses. As Frank says, "They require the mass participation of ordinary people. Without that, I am afraid that nothing is possible."
I'm kickstarting the audiobook for "The Internet Con: How To Seize the Means of Computation," a Big Tech disassembly manual to disenshittify the web and make a new, good internet to succeed the old, good internet. It's a DRM-free book, which means Audible won't carry it, so this crowdfunder is essential. Back now to get the audio, Verso hardcover and ebook:
http://seizethemeansofcomputation.org
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/17/popular-front-of-judea/#speaking-frankly
#pluralistic#sy hersh#theories of change#third parties#us politics#thomas frank#unions#labor#organized labor#civil rights movement#black lives matter#dinos#entryism#occupy democrats
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IM: In her final communique, during what a friend of mine called revolutionary suicide, she told the world “I want to be identified as Aaron Bushnell” but from the LillyAnarKitty Twitch account.
I think it’s still ambiguous what those motives were. A few of us thought, you know, maybe this is strategic. She wanted to leave making Aaron the martyr and the icon, while also leaving breadcrumbs to Lilly for those of us in the know.
A friend of mine said maybe she just couldn’t bear to erase herself completely.
[...]Probably the biggest reference for who Bushnell was was her reddit account. She was a pretty consistent reddit poster for a month in 2014, then again consistently from 2020 onwards.
And, for one thing, Bushnell was furtively hanging out in some trans reddit communities, just sticking her toe in. Like r/transclones [a reddit devoted to trans Star Wars memes] and r/unixsocks [a programming reddit where the overwhelming majority of users are trans women].
You see someone wander into the trans girl playhouse and you do… you make some assumptions. It was nothing definitive, but this would be the eggiest cis person alive, if nothing else.
The other thing I noticed was just that she was incredibly passionate about trans rights. When Bushnell described the situation on the ground for trans people in the U. S. I could feel in it my own desperation. If you’ve read Zinnia Jones’ coverage of it, if you’ve read Erin Reed’s coverage of it, or if you’ve read, well, your own coverage at Assigned Media, there was a sense of that fear, that anger, reflected back at me.
If Bushnell was a cis man, this was a cis man that got it in a way cis people rarely do.
Assigned: And this is part of why you’re not quite as worried about being wrong, right?
IM: If somehow I fucked this up completely and this person was not what they appear to me to be, if Aaron Bushnell, he/him was the only version that ever existed, I can only conclude that he would understand how the misunderstanding came about. And I think, I hope, this is someone who would understand that what is happening is in good faith and from a sense of love and obligation.
#im losing my mind that the twitch name changed the 25th#....my logic at that point would be I Might As Well Live My Truth Somewhere First#god#and i bet on some level they Knew their death would only matter if they were identified as Aaron Bushnell
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do you have headcanons about the gaang and fire girls’ gender identities and sexualities?
i mean yeah 😭😭 obviously 😭😭 im literally a homosexual on tumblr dot edu. that said, i don’t really care for the term “headcanon” in this context, as i think that reading characters as informed by the text constitutes “interpretation” rather than baseless theorizing and fancy. i do get that the term headcanon is pretty ubiquitous in fandom spaces, but to me there is a big difference between “interpretation” (something you can cite the text to persuasively argue, but which may differ across readers) and “headcanon” (baseless inventions purely for self-indulgent pleasure). when it comes to the characters in atla and their relationships to gender as informed by patriarchy, i think there is more than enough material to suggest my readings, as gender plays a fairly significant role in the worldbuilding and characterization. obviously when it comes to more minor characters, that is when a vibes-based analysis is needed, as takes on less integral players are largely conjecture. i have no evidence that june, for example, is a lesbian, beyond simply vibes. and as much as i trust my own judgment when it comes to sniffing out dykes, there is no real textual evidence that june eats pussy. i simply know in my heart of hearts that she does. HOWEVER, that is not what i am doing when i discuss the principal players of atla, whose relationships to gender are largely crucial to how they function in the narrative and how we read them. so without further ado..
aang is actually the vaguest character for me in terms of how i read his relationship to gender, because it’s very clear that he wasn’t raised in a traditionally patriarchal society and thus has a fairly different view on gender than the rest of the world, especially a world whose borders and categorizations have been more rigidly reified after a century of imperialism and colonialism. i can see the argument for aang being a cis, straight boy, and i can see the argument for aang being a nonbinary bisexual kid, etc etc. the one thing we know about aang is that he likes girls. like, really likes girls. so i’ve always kind of read him as mostly straight, but i don’t think he would rigidly define his own gender and sexuality along those lines, even if functionally he would probably present as a straight guy. but he could also be bi, or trans, or what have you. beyond his love for katara (and that time he rightfully felt humiliated by the fire nation portraying him as a woman, not because he doesn’t “respect women,” but because he correctly located it as a propagandistic tool of disrespect and colonial humiliation on their part) it’s not really crucial to his character either way.
katara, on the other hand, really only makes sense if you read her as a cis straight girl. i know that people have gotten incensed over my saying this in the past, but it’s just the most logical reading of her character. she is confident in her femininity and sexuality. she is a girl who can successfully conform to gender roles (and expects others to, quite frankly) but also recognizes and protests the fundamental inequalities of patriarchy. she has internalized a lot of patriarchal ideas about what is appropriate, but also understands that on a structural level, equality across genders is needed. she’s not a girl who struggles with her own gender identity or sexuality, she’s just a person who’s sick of being dismissed and devalued due to her gender, as if her femininity negates her strength or her capacity for anger. she is feminine, strong, and angry. she likes fashion and boys and ecoterrorism. when i call katara a straight girl, it is not to position her as a less compelling character (the fact that i have to even say this is crazy to me. sometimes characters are straight and that doesn’t make them less compelling??? unless you’re some kind of egomaniac who can only like characters if you relate to them… but she's literally the world's specialest princess). in fact, as someone whose best friends are all incredibly intelligent yet kind of ridiculous straight girls, i say it with the deepest, utmost love.
sokka is not cis to me but sometimes people will "agree" with that sentiment by being like "yeah he's a trans boy" and i'm just like.... what. manhood & masculinity are clearly concepts that are imposed upon him as a role he feels compelled to fulfill within a colonial paradigm. people will also say "sokka's arc is about learning what it means to be a real man" and like. if anything sokka's arc is learning that he does not Have to be a "man." so i guess technically i read sokka as nonbinary, but i also don't think sokka would ever bother to conceptualize his own gender, he'd kind of just reach a point wherein he inwardly feels like his relationship to gender is no longer significant to how he defines himself, and not really communicate that feeling to anyone to except for probably suki. also i think he's bisexual (again, he would never outwardly communicate that, he'd just be like "of course i've experimented, i'm a scientist") but with a strong preference for women. and thank god for that bc his daddy issues are so bad; he should not be dating men.
i do read toph as a baby butch who doesn't quite know how to articulate her own relationship to gender and sexuality yet bc she is still a baby. but i definitely see her as embracing her masculinity down the line, as something that isn't only valuable to her as it is positioned contra femininity, but as a mode of expression in its own right. and i know that long hair =/= femininity necessarily, but i do think toph would cut her hair short as a way of undermining the confucian values of belonging to the family, which i know may seem like its unrelated to gender, but considering the patriarchal role of the nuclear family structure informing toph's quite radical disavowal of it (we don't talk about lok, but she was also a single mom by choice so like that's ...... something, at least) toph's decision to renounce those entrenched values is reflective of her gender identity and refusal to adhere to patriarchal dogmas as they impose femininity as passivity and submission. i do still see her as identifying as a woman though, but in a distinctly butch dyke way that complicates the role of womanhood as it rejects the notion that womanhood is primarily a performance for the male gaze. so i think toph is a masc lesbian, which i suppose is quite an obvious reading of her gender, and i don't think it's the only valid interpretation either. i can accept someone reading toph as transmasc or bisexual or otherwise recognizing that these identities can be unstable and even in flux. for example, acknowledging toph's baby crush on sokka means problematizing the notion of her as a lesbian, or at least it can. but i do think sokka is like the one "man" (see above) that dykes find appealing (suki, ty lee, etc etc.) so it makes perfect sense that he'd be like. her ring of keys moment. if anything toph having a crush on sokka illustrates her latent lesbianism (although nothing will ever come of it, obviously). and her gender is also just Lesbian.
suki's relationship to gender is a lot less complex than toph's or sokka's because she's also just a far less developed character in her own right, so i've always kind of just read her gender as an extension of kyoshi's for thematic reasons. and since kyoshi is canonically bisexual with a preference for women, i also read suki as bisexual with a preference for women. like i definitely think that she was surprised at first by how into sokka she was because she had never experienced liking a "boy" before. and i also think it's fun to read kyoshi as trans (no, not because she's tall and "aggressive," dear god); if you've read the novels you'll probably understand what i mean by that. so i'm partial to trans girl suki as well, but i think her being cis or trans is actually equally likely because she literally grew up on the isle of lesbos. but nowhere else on avatar planet in that particular epoch is this true. except for maybe the swamp idk. anyway she's a bi dyke to me for sure.
zuko is very obviously gay. i'd say that zuko's sexuality is the most obviously entrenched in the entire show. however, i don't think the writers themselves are aware of this (because it was 2005 and gay people weren't invented until december 2014 korrasami handhold) so they clumsily try to get him back together with mai in the finale even though they had actually constructed a near-perfect portrait of two closeted children attempting to perform a functional relationship under political pressure to please their noble families. but so much of zuko's arc is potently reflective of the struggle of a closeted child on the journey to assert himself against an abusive patriarch who imposes his rigid ideals of what kind of masculinity is appropriate for boys to model and what isn't. obviously the political and ideological dimensions to his arc as his consciousness is raised constitutes the primary aspect of his character, but reading him as gay is also just the logical extension of that journey. i could literally go through every single episode scene by scene explaining how every single facet illustrates his latent homosexuality in such and such way. but i'm pretty sure everyone following me also very much knows this, and also i don't actually care enough about zuko to do that (sorry zuzu). oh and yeah he's cis (obviously) but i have seen (sparse) transfem zuko interpretations that were kind of compelling. however, i do just think he's a cis boy who struggles with adhering perfectly to a fascist model of masculinity and has some stereotypically gay/effeminate inclinations. and also the blue spirit is drag and the height of camp. but yeah he's cis probably.
azula is a lesbian (cis, again, there's no way she's ever going to seriously contemplate transing her gender) and i'm not just saying that because she's cunty and mean. her relationship to mai and (especially) ty lee is highly reflective of the experience of teenage (closeted) lesbians in very intense friendships with other girls that precariously toe the line between platonic and romantic. azula's relationships are obviously also complicated by the factor of coercion and the fact that none of them actually have any agency to act on their desires for a myriad of reasons. the only time azula ever displays interest in a boy is when she is attempting to soothe her own ego by proving that she is in fact desirable to the most powerful boy in the room – a space wherein the hierarchy of court is replicated by the hierarchy of high school popularity rankings, and she is no longer at the top of the food chain and must climb her way up the ladder by asserting her ability to "attain" the famous cha(d)n. she also clearly has no idea what to do once she has attained such a boy because her desire is superficial, and she can only actually operate on the logic of domination and conquest that was instilled in her by ozai. however, contrast this with the softness and affection with which she treats ty lee, the jealousy she displays when ty lee is fawned over by boys (which she mistakes for jealousy over the fact that she wants the boys' attention for herself), or the devastation she feels over her betrayal. azula is capable of genuine love and affection, even if she has spent her entire life convincing herself that she isn't, but that affection is reserved for her female friends. [lord farquaad pointing] baby dyke.
ty lee is probably a lesbian but there's also the possibility that she is attracted to men but would simply never in one million years actually date one in any capacity, and thus is functionally a lesbian regardless. but like. she literally joins the dyke warriors as the culmination of her arc which is about how she hides her true face and performs and contorts herself to please others for the sake of her own survival, before asserting that her love for another girl is so strong that she would sacrifice her own life for that love, and then ultimately embracing authenticity. it literally does not get any gayer than that.
mai kind of has trans girl swag actually but also there's literally no circumstance wherein her image-obsessed noble family would permit her to transition (especially since they so clearly favor sons over daughters) so she's probably just a really cool cis girl (those exist, i'm told). and also she's a dyke obviously. i do think she did have a crush on zuko at some point as a child, but if anything it was born of the mutual recognition that they have something in common (gayness) and so she found him to be an appropriate yet also kind of thrilling object of fascination. obviously he's very different once he returns from his banishment, and so that illusion is almost immediately shattered, but she nonetheless tries her damn best to be a good, supportive girlfriend to him, and invests a lot of emotional energy into their (somewhat farcical) relationship. that said, i do think that assuming that her attraction to zuko is genuine beyond the social pressures that facilitated it is just. really sad for her. so i think she is a lesbian.
rapid fire round: iroh straight (duh), jet repressed bicuriosity but functionally straight, yue bisexual (vibes-based assessment), king kuei bisexual as is bosco the bear, kanna lesbian, hama bisexual, herbalist lesbian, piandao gay, haru straight, long feng eunuch.
#sapphikatara#the gaang and#analysis#asks#abolish headcanons. no one should have them unless they are your nostrils. we do READINGS here.#anyway.#you know who we don't talk about enough#long feng. let's talk about long feng
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aita/wibta for NOT breaking up with my bf ?
i'm not sure if the title is phrased weirdly, bare with me. my bf and i are both 18, he is cis M & i am FTM (relevant).
My bf and i are both currently in first year uni, both living at home due to high cost of living in our country (also everywhere else lol). We met about halfway through highschool, and were friends for a while before getting together. we are coming up on two years together in a couple months, and have not really had any major bumps in our relationship. we see eachother i would say 1-2x per week, with both of us living at home and being broke it gets a little challenging sometimes but we call most nights and generally we make it work. Also worth noting that I am my bf's first everything, down to his first kiss, while he is not really this for me. this is the longest relationship i have been in (probably because i'm 18 lol), but not at all the first. however, the only "serious" relationship i have had outside of of him, aside from just casual stuff, was very abusive & toxic, so i do sort of see us on equal footing as neither of us has ever been in a normal, functional relationship before.
Now, the issue: while we are both currently living at home, i see this as a very temporary arrangement and something i am counting down the days until i can get out of. while living with my family is not abusive or anything, it is just very straining as i am not very close with them, and also cannot transition while living at home. as previously mentioned i am ftm, and while my mom is tolerant it would just put even more stress on the relationship if i were to start changing physically while living at home or even asking her to use different pronouns for me and is just something i prefer to leave until i'm not 100% reliant on her. that being said my dysphoria causes me very intense depression and without getting too detailed, i don't know how much longer i can take living here and putting off any sort of meaningful transition outside of close/online friends calling me he.
my bf, however, plans to live at home at least until he graduates, which is six years away. i understand that this is a very normal thing, especially culturally (he is middle eastern + muslim, i am white + agnostic), but the issue is that his mother is, among many other things, extremely homophobic. she already hates me for reasons i'm not really sure of (my bf refuses to go into detail, i think to protect me, but i have seen extremely graphic and nasty texts about me by name on his phone and have been told by him that he doesn't even mention me around the house or else she gets extremely upset, though she is always extremely nice to me the few times we have interacted), but anyways, me transitioning while he is still living at home would be essentially putting him in legitimate danger.
my bf does not like to think about this, which i understand. it's hard enough dealing with what i get from my family, and that is absolutely nothing compared to the fact that everyone he knows from his culture/religion beleives he should be dead just because he is gay (i know, as does he, that there are queer muslims. but they do not exist openly in his personal community). but the problem is that anytime i adress to him that the idea of waiting until we are in our mid-twenties for me to even think about transitioning is a really big issue for me he basically refuses to talk about it and just says that "it will work out". on top of the transitioning thing i just generally don't want to be twenty-five (the age he has told me is when he plans to move out) and still having to cancel dates last minute because my boyfriend's mom was in a bad mood and decided he's not allowed to go out tonight. i know this is how life is for many people and they learn to deal with it! and i respect them very much! but it is genuinely my nightmare. i understand why he cannot/does not want to cut himself off from his family, especially since his dad lives overseas and is extremely wealthy so therefore paying his entire tuition out of pocket. i'm just saying it's not a lifestyle that meshes well with my future plans.
this is where the asshole part comes in: my bf genuinely thinks that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. this started with small comments, things like alluding to the idea of our potential future kids (i love kids and raising my own is genuinely my end goal in life, something he knows just because i am very open about it), or talking about our future apartment/house, but now is basically just a constant conversation in our relationship. i try not to feed into it, but i also feel badly responding to his sweet comment when i point out a house i like on the street about how we'll buy it one day with something about how i don't ever see that happening. i generally just respond neutrally, but i will admit i get caught up in the fantasy sometimes and contribute to it as well.
he is such a lovely guy with a beautiful heart and i do really adore him, and it's not a situation where i don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. to be honest, that's the dream. i love him with everything i have and i would literally do anything for him. the problem is just that when he talks about this future together all i can picture is all the million ways our relationship is doomed to implode.
but we are happy right now, because me moving out of my family home is not something that is going to be possible for another 1-2 years, so none of those issues are something that are going to come up right now. i just forsee them being pretty much impossible obstacles between us and spending the rest of our lives together down the line. but i have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that even though i want more than anything to be with him forever, the fact that i don't remotely beleive it's something that will actually work out still constitutes as leading him on.
so, am i the asshole for staying with him, because we are happy right now and these issues are not going to be relevant for another 1-2 years, and a solution might somehow present itself in that time? or is the right thing to do to just leave now, and rip off the bandaid?
What are these acronyms?
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Hold Me
Pairing: ftm!Leon Kennedy x cis!Male Reader
Summary: Leon's dysphoric and depressed and reader comforts him
Words: 859
Warnings: depression
Notes: I just wanna give him a hug and cuddle him until he feels better :(
if you like my work please support me with either the tip button or visit my kofi page, you can see the pinned post on my blog for more information please look into it
It didn't take very long for you to notice, given it wasn't some huge in-your-face statement, the little things he did just gave it away. Earlier that morning when Leon had finally woken up, it took him a little longer to get out of bed and when he finally did get up he walked hunched in on himself and put on a bigger thicker hoodie than his usual leather jacket. He took a while to get to the bathroom and when he did he hadn't bothered turning the lights on, you guessed so he wouldn't have to look at himself in the mirror.
When you’d offered him breakfast he had declined and pulled out his favorite whiskey and when you eventually took it away from him he had snapped at you and chewed you out. You knew he didn't mean the shit he said but it still hurt and you got a little mean with him in return causing him to recoil and slink back into your guys’ dark bedroom to get back in bed and wallow.
That left you sitting at the kitchen table feeling like an idiot for what you said. You look up at the door to the bedroom before sighing and getting up from the chair, you put Leon’s whiskey back and walk to the bedroom only to hesitate at the door when you hear Leon sniffling. It was very uncommon for Leon to be crying so you couldn't help but feel worried, more so when you pushed the door open to see Leon cocooned in blankets in the dark room “Lee… Baby? What’s wrong?”
You walk into the room unable to take your eyes off of the trembling lump of blankets. “Leave me alone” You have to strain to hear his muffled watery voice and when you do your heart breaks, Leon didn't deserve this. “Tell me what’s wrong baby” You try to be as patient as possible, This is the man you love the man you've been in love with for years, it literally kills you to see him like this. “Just leave me alone.”
It's not hard to hear the desperation in his voice, he needs you but he's too proud to admit it. You take a seat next to him on the edge of the bed and lay your hand on his back “I love you, Leon… Too much to let you deal with this alone” You speak from your heart, you wish that Leon could know the lengths to which you'll go for him to just be happy, It’s true, you love him so much that if you had the choice you’d probably take Leon’s pain and deal with it for him and It pains you so much to see your baby like this.
Upon hearing your words Leon finally breaks down, he sobs quietly into the pillow he's clutching. tears come to your own eyes, Leon sounds so raw and broken, he's been holding this back for years. Years of being alone, years of suffering and trauma, years of being abandoned by the people he fell for. In his eyes you were a gift from god, you were an angel, he hates that you love him of all people and he hates that you care so much and he absolutely despises how gone he is for you.
If it weren't for you Leon would've drank himself to death by now, You were his saving grace and here you come again, unraveling his pathetic form from the covers and wrapping him back up into your arms, holding him to your chest. Leon feels pathetic to say it out loud but since breaking up with his girlfriend before Raccoon City 19 long harrowing years ago he hadn't been held and even then she couldn’t compare to you.
The way he fits against your body, Leon is certain that you were made for each other, You once called him your soulmate and he had scoffed and called you a kid trying to act cool but later after you had left he had cried himself to sleep in the dark of his room because he didn't want to believe it, it was too good to be true, the way you looked at him, the way you smiled at him when you called him your soulmate, it all felt too good to be true and he was so scared.
So scared that he’d lose you because he’s so jaded and old and miserable and everyone he loves always ends up leaving him. but not you, you were so determined to love him, In the beginning, Leon had tried with all of his might to push you away but you stayed, no matter how hurtful or nasty or pathetic he acted. You stayed and you loved him unconditionally through all of it and now here you were, petting his greasy hair and rocking him back and forth as he cried pathetically into your shirt.
He vaguely recognized you talking, saying something about how good he was and how strong you think he is but the words only made him cry harder, you were his angel.
COMING UP NEXT - SEP 22
Pairing: cis!Simon Riley x Male Reader
Summary: Simon is angry and takes it out on his boyfriend
Words: 666😳
SEE NOW ON - kofi
#x male reader#resident evil vendetta#leon s kennedy x male reader#leon kennedy x male reader#leon kennedy x reader
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Don't normally do asks but wtvr, Jschlatt and Transmasc reader headcannons? And Jschlatt obsessing over him, correcting people when they say the wrong name or use the wrong pronouns! 😩😍
a lil anxious abt this bc im cis afab but ill try, don’t be afraid to dm me if i wrote anything wrong since i don’t know many trans people nor have i experienced anything like this first hand. i did however get some help from a transmasc moot of mine
tws- misgendering, mentions of needles once
Schlatt will be on EVERYONES ass especially if you have recently started using different pronouns or a different name
corrects everyone from your family to fans
“[deadna-” “you mean Y/N”
“yeah so she-” “he” “that’s what i said” “no, you called him a girl, he’s a man”
will get into it with anyone and by anyone i mean ANYONE if they show the least amount of disrespect
will be pissed if people misgender you and you don’t correct them out of anxiety or whatever
he.is.screaming.
“schlatt it’s okay-” “FUCK YOU MEAN ‘TS OKAY, HES A MAN, FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU”
if you’re having chest dysphoria bc u forgot your binder he’ll immediately give you his sweater or hoodie
shows you off to chat, 100% and has anyone who’s acting disrespectful banned
“yeah this is my lovely boyfriend chat” he says giving you a kiss on the cheek
if you’re on t he’ll help you take your shots especially if ur scared of needles
“relax, jus’ look at me”
will make the occasional joke saying that your driving stats went up, you switched to the right team, etc. it’s schlatt after all
i’ll probably stick to fem or gender neutral readers in the future unless i can get better at writing a trans reader
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Thanks for being so compassionate! As someone who's had to defend himself from assault pre transition and assault and attempted trafficking during transition which has contributed to some agoraphobia centered on thoughts like "damn, wasn't safe off T not safe on it", it's been rlly scary seeing ppl shrug off how transmascs are endangered in real life in service of discrediting transandro discourse. Cool seeing who's really real I guess????? anyways hope you're well and warm. Srry about my run on sentence lmao
There is absolutely nothing to apologize for. We only get to see one side publically, and that's pretty much just trans women issues. Media likes to cover just us. I rarely see news stories about just trans men. We don't see the stories about trans men getting stalked or followed around in stores by total strangers, getting attacked in public, rarely a mention if a trans man gets killed. It's happening but you don't see it. You don't see a flood of forum posts about the constant dismissal of, unique brand of hatred around, or the types of dangers faced by trans men.
My introduction to questioning my gender was actually FROM transandrophobia. The reason for this is I've had more of a curvy figure since ... well forever, even though my body was producing T on it's own. I got A LOT of compliments on it by pretty much all my friends (which were mostly girls, and yes that probably should have been a sign but I'm a bit thick sometimes, okay?) because I was "unconventionally sexy" because of it. I'm now remembering I do have a shirtless picture somewhere from before I was on HRT ... I'll work up the nerve to show that at some point to prove that point. Anywho, because of this, a random ass stranger had been following me as I went to grab a few things from a walmart after my shift. It was weird as fuck. Uncomfortably close, constantly looking at me but not what they were pretending to, and I kind of knew this dick was waiting until there was no one in the aisle before pulling something. I'd been mugged before at 14 and 15 so at 24 I was kind of like "I'm not getting stabbed in a damn Walmart" and just made sure to be quick. I got out of the store and met up with some old work friends and just let them know someone was following me and I wanted to wait them out. Props to my friends at the time, they bullseyed the dude (to be fair he wasn't being stealthy) and called him out. And he yelled back "You'll never be a real man" to me. My friends laughed at him because as far as we all knew, I was cis. But this would happen two more times in the same week. A lady would tell me I shouldn't be doing "this" to myself with a full body gesture, and that god "loves" me; and a college colleague flat out dismissed my concerns on something because "only a real man would need to worry about that". It got me wondering if this was a new fad, to hate on someones manliness, and upon looking that up I learned about what exactly transgender meant, the experiences of trans men and women (just a bit on women, my concern was on trans men at the time), and thought it was kind of cool there were people who'd know two sides to the gender spectrum. But it must SUCK to have to go through the bullshit I did and actually be affected by it. Like, no one has any right to tell another man they're less of one.
This whole situation would actually come back to help me 2 years later in finding myself. I'd only really looked up trans men and curiosity mid covid lock down would lead me to look up non-binary and then trans women. However, transandrophobia is how I, a trans woman, got her start. So it boils my blood when I see people talk about T being toxic or trans men having it easier. It shows a complete lack of understanding and a lack of acceptance and willingness to empathize. Trans men and trans mascs have different issues, that doesn't make them lesser, and while those issues may not affect me, it doesn't make it less of my problem to help deal with where I can. I know certain issues I'll have no experience on, no idea how to help, but that doesn't mean I can't still offer to be support. Everyone should be doing the same, and shame on those who aren't.
You deserve equal treatment and support in your fight for it, not dismissal. Those that dismiss the issues of trans men aren't allies, they're transphobes. And fuck transphobes.
#trans#transgender#transandrophobia#my asks#2slgbtqia+#ftm#mtf#trans positivity#transphobia mention#trans men
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𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐙𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆, 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆
anthony lockwood x gn!reader
lockwood is really just a lovesick teenager
request: Could you do a Lockwood X reader where they are getting ready for the gala at Fittes and Lockwood sees reader in the dress for the first time?
tessa’s notes: this was the fic that i didn’t save properly when i was nearly done, but it turned out alright so we vibe
warnings: honestly just pure fluff + lucy and reader are close friends :D, comment if i missed any <3
word count: 0,9k
—“OKAY, LUCE, WHAT do you think of this?” you asked, turning around to face the girl who was reading a book on her bed. “That definitely looks like you’re going to a funeral,” she replied. You turned back around to look in the mirror and sighed frustratedly, “well, considering what we’re about to do, I might be in a few days. I agree, though, it looked fine in the shop but this is terrible.”
“Well, you have one more, don’t you? Try that on,” Lucy suggested, looking up from her book. “Good call, give me a second,” you spoke, walking back to your wardrobe and pulling out the other dress. It was a red silk dress that reached your ankles and the woman in the shop had specifically told you it would look great on you, so you had high hopes.
You slipped into it and turned around to face Lucy again. “What about this?” you questioned as you twirled around. “Oh my god. You look so good!” Lucy gasped, throwing her book to the side and jumping off the bed. You looked in the mirror and tugged on the dress to get it in place. Lucy was right, you looked undeniably beautiful. “Yeah, this is definitely better than the funeral dress.”
“Can I do your makeup now? Please?” Lucy asked, as she held up her basket of makeup products. “As long as you don’t stab out my eyes or make me look like a total idiot, sure, go ahead,” you replied, sitting down at Lucy’s desk chair and she got to work. She put some eyeliner on you, stuck a line of gems alongside it and finished it off with a bit of highlighter and a tinted lip balm. “There. You look so pretty.”
“Wow, Luce! I’m impressed, thank you!” you exclaimed happily, as you tilted your face to look in the mirror from a different angle. “You’re welcome,” Lucy said in a singsong voice, while you grabbed the stuff you needed to do your hair. “Are you nervous?” asked Lucy. “‘Course I am. We’re stealing this extremely rare book from Fittes’s library, which, knowing us, may very well get us killed, and we’re supposed to act ‘casual’ around the other people, of which I’m sure there are going to be lots. Also, those people are going to treat us as a couple, because why else would two people go to a ridiculously fancy gala together? So yes, I am a tad nervous,” you ranted quickly.
“Yeah, all of those are very valid. But why does it bother you so much that people are gonna treat you like a couple on a date?”
“Well, it’s not a date, is it? Do you know how hard it is to act like and be treated like a couple with someone who you have genuine feelings for but aren’t actually dating?”
“I think you’re allowed to treat it like a date. At least a little bit. He asked you to go with him, no? He could’ve asked me or George, but he asked you.”
“Luce, that was literally a 1 out of 3. I was probably the best option for the occasion or whatever.”
“No, N/N, he already called me an asset and I think he still feels guilty for that. He wouldn’t do something like that again.”
“Okay, fair enough, but still. Just because I could hypothetically treat it like a date, doesn’t mean he is. It’s bloody embarrassing if it’s one-sided.”
“Y/N!” Lockwood called from downstairs, “are you almost done? I’m pretty sure our taxi is gonna be here in a few minutes!”
“Yeah, just a second!” you responded, as you took one final glance at yourself in the mirror. “Do I pass as a posh person who genuinely has business being at the Fittes gala?” you questioned. “Definitely. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were rich and probably a part of Penelope Fittes’s inner circle without a doubt,” Lucy reassured you. “Okay, great. Well, wish me luck, then,” Lucy gave you a quick hug and you then walked downstairs.
Lockwood was waiting for you by the front door and he looked star-struck when you descended the stairs. “Wow, Y/N— you look—”
“Stunning? Gorgeous? Charming?” you joked and Lockwood laughed softly. “Dazzling, honestly,” he finished his sentence, making you feel warm and fuzzy inside. “Why, thank you. You look very pretty yourself,” you replied with a smile. “I really wish I could kiss you right now,” Lockwood whispered. Your stomach flipped upside down and you did a double take. “Did you just say what I think you said?” you questioned with your eyes wide open, “because if you did, I really wish the same.”
Lockwood wasted no more time and he grabbed your face between his hands, pulling you close. He placed his lips onto yours into a soft kiss which made your insides completely melt. You pulled apart far too quickly for your liking and you both broke out into a huge grin. “Hey, that’s half your worries gone! Now all you have to do is steal the book, it’s gonna be a breeze!” Lucy yelled from halfway up the stairs. “Okay, Luce, that is enough stalker behaviour for today. We’re leaving,” Lockwood deadpanned, as he entwined his fingers with yours and dashed out the door. “Good luck, lovebirds!” you heard Lucy laugh before pulling the front door shut.
#anthony lockwood#anthony lockwood x reader#anthony lockwood x you#anthony lockwood x y/n#anthony lockwood blurb#anthony lockwood imagine#anthony lockwood oneshot#anthony lockwood fanfiction#anthony lockwood fic#anthony lockwood fluff#lockwood x reader#lockwood x y/n#lockwold and co#lockwood and co netflix#lockwood and co fanfiction#lockwood & co#lockwood & co netflix#lockwood & co x reader#lockwood & co fanfiction#cameron chapman#x reader#x gn reader
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Sci ngl i assumed you were a cis gay dude back when i was obsessively reading your spiderpool stuff as a teenager. I’m a gay trans man and your comics always felt like a warm hug, truly my comfort doom scrolling — so it’s kinda nice to find out we’re more similar than id thought
bless you anon!! it's a pleasure having you, and i'm so, so glad my comics can be a cozy comfort for you!! kissing you so sweetly
you know, it's kind of funny, i've had an overwhelming response of people who've said they've just assumed i was male by the vibes i radiate and i'm not entirely sure what it means. i'm know you all mean it very reaffirmingly but it leaves me with a lot of questions. like, questions that i want to do further research into.
is there a masculine dialect? like how there are regional dialects? is that a thing? i kind of want to study this now. can you tell someone's gender by the way they talk like you can tell where they're from? that is so cool if it's true. how do you type like a man. what should i look for? i don't know if i've ever assumed someone's gender by the way they type. i just look at their bio and it usually says. and i kind of don't think about it when i type. i type like me. but – i think maybe i pick up the way that i talk from the media i consume (comic books) which is kind of overpoweringly male. overpoweringly populated by male characters, and written by men, y'know.
i think the way i type here on @sciderman is probably softer and more femme than the way i write on the ask-blog. on the blog when i'm answering things as Mod i kind of intentionally mimic the tone-of-voice that marvel editors use. that's an intentional choice. so - when you read what i write here it's closer to my real voice, but over on ask-spiderpool i'm putting on an act. i try to sound like a marvel editor. i call you all True Believers! it's all a persona. i think one of the things that's my strength in writing is falling into voices - i think i could be an excellent ghostwriter, if i needed to be. so very crafty at mimicry.
as a kid i always, always always would mimic the characters i liked from the movies we watched whenever i came out of the cinema. i remember doing that all the time. and it was always boys. (except frenchie from grease. she was my one female gender icon. god everyone hated me for that one. i loved doing the voice. wanted to be her so bad. wanted the pink hair. everything.)
you know,, even now The Very First thing anyone asks me when they meet me is where my accent is from, because nobody believes i'm native to london. it happened today (twice). the way i talk is a little weird. my response,, off the bat,, it's because i watched too many cartoons growing up. so,, i guess maybe i idolised too many masculine role models, and probably didn't have enough female role models. i liked the boy movies better than the girl ones. i spent more time with my dad than i did with my mom. my mom wasn't a good role model. dad says that's probably why i didn't want to be a woman. i didn't have a good role model. (sorry mom). (he's right). all kinds of variables here. i kind of want to do research into it. also i should talk to a therapist.
#sci speaks#i remember talking to someone about wade's gender feelings and how they're a result of trauma with his mother's death etc etc and.#they said it was bad of me to write that. like it's a cliché and he doesn't need trauma to feel that way. and i think that's true. but.#trauma does impact things like this.#it's just a sad truth. some quirky little bits of your identity probably do come out of some freudian thing. some childhood trauma.#some detail about your relationship with your parents.#shut UP freud stop being right about things. you suck!!!!
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You know what I despise just as much as Imperial apologists? Separatist apologists. People claim that the CIS did nothing wrong, that they were the "real heroes of the Clone Wars", that their benevolent movement was hijacked by evil people, but in reality, the CIS was intentionally designed to be an evil force by evil people. Sure, there were some "good" folks on the Separatists' side, but in the end, they CHOSE to align themselves with some of the most despicable people in the galaxy. Also, they tend to forget that the CIS was created by Sith as a means of weakning the Jedi Order.
While I certainly don't think the Separatists were heroes of any kind, I don't think that the actual politicians in the CIS were intentionally aligning themselves with people they believed to be despicable. It's made pretty clear in "Heroes on Both Sides" that the CIS parliament seems to have no clue that their whole army is being led by the corporate alliance. They call out that the whole point behind the CIS was to free themselves from being connected to the corporate alliance the way the Republic is, and they believe that they've SUCCEEDED at that. So it's less that they've intentionally aligned themselves with evil people doing evil things so much as they were completely and utterly duped and manipulated into a position where they've ended up unknowingly supporting the very evil they claim to be against.
What I WILL say about the Separatist politicians though is that every single one of them that we're shown seems to be very willfully ignorant. When Mina meets with Padme, she refuses to hear a bad word against Dooku, even though presumably Padme could say a lot of things about how Dooku allowed her to be nearly executed on Geonosis simply because she wouldn't join the CIS. And after Mina's assassinated, Lux tries to speak to some of the Separatist politicians who gathered for a peace summit to tell them that Dooku killed his mother and he's shot down cold for lying about it and then thrown out of the building. Mina and the other Separatists have been manipulated SO HARD into believing in Dooku and his promises that they can't believe anything or anyone that goes against what he says, even when it's someone they consider a friend or the child of one of their own.
That willful ignorance moves them far away from being "heroes" of any kind for me. I can appreciate that they had legitimate grievances against the Republic, that they believed they were doing what was right for their people, and that there was a lot of things that were clearly hidden from them. So they're by no means the ones most at fault for the war. But they SHOULD'VE been more willing to accept that Dooku (and by extension themselves and the entire Separatist movement) was not perfect when told or shown evidence by people they claimed to trust.
The other mark against the Separatists is that the King of Onderon that we're introduced to in season 5 is HORRIFIC. The guy who is explicitly said to be the new Separatist leader is terrible and the people hate him and much prefer the old King (who, by implication, was presumably more pro-Republic or at least served primarily back when Onderon was still a member of the Republic). And this was MINA'S PLANET. Mina is not someone who is represented as just some stupid vapid politician, she's supposed to be smart and kind, she's Padme's mentor. She's supposed to be someone who truly CARES, but her people are suffering under a Separatist installed ruler and there's no mention of that at all during her one episode. There's no indication that she was even aware or paying attention to it. So long as the war never made it to her planet, she seems to have been looking the other way. And we can probably assume similar stuff is happening on the other Separatist planets, too, that Separatist rulers have been installed who are willing to basically let Dooku and the Corporate Alliance do whatever they want with no regard for how it'll impact the actual people. And Dooku is going to be able to continue to manipulate and blind the Separatist politicians into not realizing what's going on or believing that this is just a temporary necessary evil of some kind.
The major advantage the Republic Senate has for me is that there IS at least a small group of people (small being relative, there's so many politicians in the Senate that a group of 2000 people is considered small) who DO recognize what's going on in their own government, and who are actively fighting against the corruption they can see and acknowledge. They don't believe their system is PERFECT, but they believe that it's still the best system available and worth fighting to make it BETTER and remove the people keeping it corrupt. The CIS doesn't have that. Every single person is so willfully ignorant to everything that they can't have people like Padme or Bail or Mon Mothma who can see the problems in their own government and actively work to make it better from the inside. And this just makes the Separatist politicians unknowingly part of the problem they don't even realize exists (or aren't willing to admit exists), which means that their people are just going to keep suffering while their elected representatives sit on their high horses and do nothing.
So I don't think they're EVIL, but they're not heroes either. Much like Anakin, they're manipulated by someone they should be able to trust and who presents himself as someone trustworthy, and they're not mindful enough to recognize the truth behind what they've gotten involved in or humble enough to listen when someone tries to make them aware of it. So yes, it was an evil force designed by evil people with the explicit purpose of weakening the Jedi AND the Republic enough for Palpatine to maneuver himself into power, but I don't for a MOMENT believe that the actual politicians involved in the CIS ever realize that until it's far too late. As far as they're concerned, it IS a benevolent movement and if they ever realize the truth of it in the aftermath of the war, then from their perspective it probably DID get hijacked by evil people. The Separatists are, in many ways, a tragic story. They SHOULD'VE been a good thing, they should've been a group of people genuinely working to try to create a new, better system for their people. They had the best of intentions, but much like Anakin, it's mostly just paving the road to hell.
I'd love more fics that look at the Rebellion era where you get both Republic and Separatist people having to work together and instead of the Separatists being all high and mighty about how THEY always knew the Republic was corrupt and everyone else was just too naive, there's some people who point out that the Separatist movement was literally run by the corporate alliance, that their entire ARMY was being run by the Techno Union and Trade Federation, that the Separatists were CLEARLY getting tax benefits from the Banking Clan that the Republic was NOT getting. I'd love more acknowledgement that yes, the Republic was corrupt, but that there were a LOT of people who knew that and were working to fix that problem, but that the Separatist movement wasn't some perfect idyllic government that didn't do anything wrong ever in their lives, either. The Separatist army did a lot of really fucking heinous shit to people and I'd love more Republic Rebels throwing that back at all those Separatist Rebel characters who get so high and mighty about knowing the Republic was corrupt. Like sure, great, you knew the Republic was corrupt, so did a LOT of people, many of whom were working to actually DO something about it. Come back to me when you're able to tell me you knew YOUR government was corrupt, too, then we can talk.
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