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sins0fthefather · 2 months

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Wrath.

Jeff the Killer HCs:

General HCs:

Full Name: Jeffrey Alexander Woods (Only responds to Jeff though. Best case scenario if you call him his full name is he’ll ignore you, worst case scenario is him flipping his shit on you)

Age: 22-25 (Based on where in the story a character study/fic takes place)

Birthday: September 22 (Older than Liu by 2 years)

Wasian— Father is Chinese, mother is a born n’ raised Texan

Biromantic, Demisexual

Has autism, C-PTSD, BPD (contributor to his auditory hallucinations), NPD, ASPD, and BDD

Right Handed

6’1 (185~ cm)

Covered in burn scars, most noticeably on his chest, forearms, and back

He uses white facepaint, it makes his face’s silhouette look “cleaner” in his eyes

His cuts have healed up for the most part, although he’ll have moments where he relapses and cuts at them again. The ends will also sometimes tear if he does something like laugh too hard.

Very touchy with other people, but he despises being touched first. He prefers to initiate physical contact- both because of the control aspect of it and because of his general distrust of others.

His sense of humor waxes and wanes from extreme condescension to the most morbid sentences you’ve ever heard. Half of the time it doesn’t even sound like a joke.

Reckless driver, cursed with terrible road rage

Smokes cigarettes, his brand of choice is Marlboro

Drinks vodka straight as if it were water

I feel like his favorite band would be Tool or Slipknot. His music taste is just metal and dad rock.

Was brought up in a Catholic school for most of his life, although he obviously doesn’t keep up with the practice anymore. This is a big catalyst for why he develops a god complex however since he “has authority over life and death”— something unique only to gods from what he was taught.

Very observant of the people around him. He memorizes speech patterns, demeanors, even the way people walk. He’s gotten to the point where he can read people and their intentions well before they’re explicitly stated, making it much easier for him to spot a lie. However this also makes it much easier for him to tell when he’s truly pushing somebody’s buttons, and there’s nothing he loves more than pushing people past their limit.

Always stealing glances of himself in any mirror he walks past

He’s an opportunistic killer. Limiting himself to patterns clashes with the creativity and the thrill of the moment to him. However, there are specific elements of a kill he will often repeat if the mood strikes him. An example of this would be often including strangulation (albeit usually not the direct cause of death) to reflect his acquired need for control in all moments of his life. Sometimes he will also pose bodies in a “prayer” position to call back that god complex I mentioned.

He doesn’t always kill people immediately. If someone catches his eye, usually because he finds them beautiful in some aspect, he’ll take it a step further. He has no problem with being patient when the situation arises for it- stalking the person, learning their habits and schedules, the whole shebang. He’ll then slowly start to ruin said person’s life, isolating them through the slaughter of those closest to them and destroying any sense of peace and security they once had. He’s the sound that goes -bump- in the night. He’ll toy with his food until he eventually grows bored, disposing them like all the rest. After all, how dare someone else try to be beautiful in his presence- a punishment of the highest order is necessary.

His anger can be very… explosive. He doesn’t stick around very long for enough people besides victims to see it, but it can be as unpredictable as his own kills. It’s worse when he’s silent in his anger however, since with the former you at least have enough of a warning to brace yourself.

Backstory-Centric HCs:

(TW: csa, murder, mutilation, religious trauma, general stuff)

Takes place in college. Jeff is 22 at the start while Liu is 20.

Instead of being a one-off instance, Jeff and Liu have been subjected to bullying/borderline harassment since middle school. This builds up Jeff’s gradual distrust of others and leads to him shutting himself off from his peers.

Most of said bullying revolved around their mixed race situation. It only got worse as Jeff shut himself off and Liu became a people pleaser.

The two didn’t even have peace at home, since their parents were sexually abusive and excused it through their religion. It was “all apart of god’s love” as they said. This + the bullying leads Liu to develop DID and kickstarts Jeff’s resentment towards their parents. It also led Jeff to develop a twisted belief on what love and beauty is since god apparently “favored” the beauty of his parent’s form of “love.”

On one particular instance of bullying/harassment, a small group of people he grew up with planned on jumping and mugging Jeff behind a bar. Things escalated when Jeff retaliated in self defense, beating his aggressors with a nearby pipe found laying against a dumpster. He didn’t leave unscathed however, since one of the attackers dropped a lighter into the flammable materials (alcohol, trash, etc) that had been scattered in the fight, planning on making everyone go down in that moment. Jeff managed to survive (albeit with severe burns along his body) after being found by an employee who went to go check out the noise/smell of smoke, but the others succumbed to their wounds.

While in a heavy state of shock and psychosis (paired with being drugged up out the wazoo at the hospital) his usual unchecked auditory hallucinations worsened, leading his mind to trick him into believing this situation was a sign from god- that he was supposed to survive while his tormentors burned. Paired with his already twisted concepts of love and beauty, he began to believe that his burns were part of god’s plan to make him more beautiful- because he was favored.

This only gets worse when he’s released from the hospital’s custody due to a neglect in checking his mental state. After being sent home with his family and therefore being thrown back into the abusive environment he hoped to escape when going to college he ends up experiencing a psychotic break, mutilating himself in the process.

When his parents catch him, they attack him. In their eyes he had disgraced them, no longer upholding the “beauty” of heaven that they enforced. He ends up killing them in self defense, but furthers it by mutilating their bodies in an act of defiance induced by his break. He believes he’s outdone god in this moment, deluding himself into thinking he’s on the same level (or even better) than god.

While overcome by his psychotic break, he ends up severely wounding Liu after he wakes up to check out the noise. It becomes a conspiracy on if Liu survived or not since his body was never found by authorities.

The reason why Jeff continues on his spree after these instances is the feel of control he gets. After being forced into submission by those around him for so long, he finally feels a stable sense of power over those he deems as less than him.

He ends up wandering throughout the states after this, hopping from town to town. He never stays in one place for long, although sometimes he’ll revisit his home town to give the urban legend fanatics something to fear again.

#long post woo #questions encouraged teehee #jeff the killer x reader #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta headcanons #creepypasta/you #creepypasta #headcanon #headcanons #jeffrey woods #homicidal liu #rewrite #writers on tumblr #the autism is autisming

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artemis-potnia-theron · 6 months

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I want to make something clear to those new to deity work - especially those who, like me, are also coping with a mental illness/struggle with emotional regulation while trying to be practitioners...

You are more than likely going to fuck up - not just at the beginning. You are going to make mistakes and do things wrong. The gods know this. They understand. And they won't abandon you for it.

I have BPD, and one of the struggles that goes along with that is the mood swings - which can be severe and come out of absolutely nowhere.

Yesterday, I had an episode of epic proportions. And in that moment, the emotions caught up to me and I took it out on Lady Artemis - who is well and truly the love of my life.

I said things I didn't mean and instantly regretted. Obviously once the fog had cleared, I was quite literally sick with guilt. I was in tears at her altar just begging her forgiveness, and I couldn't cope with the possibility that I might not get it.

I grew up in a religion that prized fear and absolute obedience over genuine love - and sometimes that old 'fire and brimstone' gut-deep fear still comes back. I made a mistake, and part of me was expecting to receive my Lady's rage.

What I was met with instead was enough love and forgiveness and understanding to knock the breath out of me. She expected an apology, and once she got it, we were back where we have always been.

Your gods love you as intensely as you love them. They understand that we are people and people are fundamentally flawed. We fuck up in life. Worship is no different. But they aren't waiting to strike you down or abandon you for flaws and mistakes. Don't beat yourself up too much over that kind of thing.

Take a breath. Calm down. It's really alright, I promise.

#artemis #artemis goddess #artemis devotion #artemis devotee #helpol #deity work #deity worship #hellenic polytheism #paganism

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bonefall · 3 months

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are there any bb!cats with schizophrenia or that regularly experience psychosis? people absolutely suck about mental illness so like. seeing characters like me going thru life and being treated like people and not monsters for something out of their control never fails to put a smile on my face! thank you for all the research and effort you put into making sure your disabled cats are not only believable but human. pd: cinderheart with bpd is an extremely based headcanon

Not yet but it's on my radar, plus NPD. The reason why I feel so unflappably confident with BPD is because I know and love people who have it, and I hate that I don't see any characters who are like them! So I feel like I'm really good at handling it, and knowing what's wanted in portrayals of it. It feels very personally important to me.

Pair that with the fact I write BB!Clans as canonically struggling with ableism and all these being so heavily stigmatized irl, I've gotta be REALLY careful with NPD and psychosis. I'm less connected to them so personally and I don't want to accidentally strike a nerve, you get me?

That said... I got an ask a while back that I'd been thinking about a lot, basically asking me about how Clan Culture would see psychosis in the first place. I've actually always been fascinated by how deeply schizophrenia is affected by the culture of the afflicted, so I've been idly thinking about that for a while without sharing those thoughts.

OH WAIT hangon let me explain some stuff about Schizophrenia and psychosis for people in the audience!!

Schizophrenia used to be diagnosed in subtypes before 2013. This is no longer accurate! A lot like Autism, it's a spectrum of symptoms that affect people differently. It's a cognitive disorder that messes with rational and organized thinking, and that can express in all sorts of ways.

One of the symptoms is hallucinations. It's The Famous symptom of it, but it's not actually something you NEED to have to be Schizophrenic. Not all people who are having hallucinations or delusions are Schizophrenic, either! I want to include an OCD character of some kind who experiences some mild auditory hallucinations, actually. The type where it's just random mumbling.

Delusions and hallucinations aren't the same thing Delusions are false beliefs and hallucinations are false experiences. An example of a delusion is, "If I don't click my pen three times, my family will die." An example of a hallucination is hearing voices.

PEOPLE WITH PSYCHOSIS ARE FAR MORE LIKELY TO BE THE VICTIMS OF VIOLENCE THAN TO COMMIT IT Feel like this is common knowledge in this space, and especially within my own following since I make a lot of art about mental illness and awareness, but it's always worth repeating.

So anyway

If you compare psychosis between cultures, you actually end up seeing VERY different expressions of the hallucinations. For example, in some cultures, voice hallucinations tend to say things that are negative or abusive, while other cultures hear significantly more positive, playful voices.

This doesn't mean that they're always less distressing. For example, the study above points out that Nigerian students (reported to hear lots of playful hallucinations) experience as much distress as Dutch students (tend to experience negative, abusive voices) during their psychotic episodes.

Still, there does seem to be a correlation with "less distress" and cultures that encourage psychotic people to see their hallucinations as positive, personal things. Even more interestingly, distress seems to be correlated with income and individualism in a culture.

But it doesn't stop there, the findings are fascinating.

Delusions of grandeur are rare in societies that discourage that sort of social mobility, reflecting social values.

Cultures that believe religious experiences are specific experiences-- like certain smells, temperatures, or sounds, will see those reflected in psychotic episodes

Yet, "voices" seem to be something seen across ALL cultures studied. Though some have more prevalence of random sounds and mumbling than others, they all share some expression of "voices that say stuff."

SO all that to say-- if I include psychosis it's definitely going to be trying to take the culture of each Clan into account, and I need to do a lot more research into what sorts of things people with schizophrenia and various types of psychosis want to see more often.

#psychosis #neurodivergence #bone babble

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emsgoodthinkin · 4 months

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As long as I’m with You

Steve Harrington x You (short)

Summary: Steve wakes up to another bad night you’ve had this week

Warnings: hurt/comfort, talks of poor physical and mental health, doctors, suicidal ideation, medication use, drug use, chronic health issues, BPD if you squint, disabilities, use of the word “girl” x times, negative self talk, mentions of sex, angst, fluff~~

This is based off my own experiences and inspired by my pal Morgan’s version; feel free to check hers out

Tick tick tick

The clock strikes 12 and then 1, 3, 5am in the morning, no sleep no rest it’s an every day cycle. The same shitty cycle.

It’s a new year, but not a new you.

Sitting in your walker in front of the excruciatingly bright television screen, high as a kite, everything in existence running through your mind 100 mph, sometimes the weed helps the pain. Sometimes it induces it or even makes it worse. Right now it’s doing nothing for you. Looking over at your loved one sound asleep. You don’t want to bother him with your whines or crying. So you just sit there silence, tears rolling down your cheeks; while you watch some bullshit on YouTube.

Sniff Sniff

“Baby?”

Shit.

“..yea?” you say in a whispered tone

“Are you ok? what’s wrong?”

“Ah, you already know”, you’ve used that line probably over a million times

Steve comes along your side expecting a few dried tears, but his eyes widen when he’s sees the collar around your shirt bitten, snot dribbling down your mouth and throat, crouching down, he lies his head onto your thigh looking up at you, “Talk to me sweetheart”

“No.”

“Hey, I know you’re hurting”—

“GOOD FOR YOU! Congratulations you know I’m hurting, you know I’ve been hurting for fucking years. I’m glad you’ve acknowledged it unlike some people”you sniffle getting up in a hurry to take a piss as he follows with sad eyes leaning against the door frame

“I’m fucking tired, I’m so goddamn exhausted nobody will ever know what I’m dealing with!”, you say wiping your ass not bothering to wash your hands, “I can’t do anything I can’t run, I can’t jump, can’t go to the stupid, fucking grocery store without one of those motorized carts.. my back hurts, my fucking knees are throbbing, stupid fucking nerves won’t calm down FUCK! It’s not like I can get in the bathtub to calm my muscles down. Nothing is helping! No medication, no PT, no injections, no nothing! Why?? am I just resistant to any source of help or treatment? I-I can’t even lay in the goddamn bed to sleep. That’s all I have left is rest!! What is rest!? I don’t know what the hell that even is”

“I know baby I know”—

“NO YOU DONT STEVE, all you know is what you see. I wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy, my worst enemy to feel what I feel. That’s how bad it all hurts. The most evil, sick and twisted person in this world, I would never wish this upon. I just..”, getting dizzy you collapse on the bed sobbing into your own hands, then eventually into Steve’s shoulder as he rocks you, tears spilling from his own eyes—

“Nobody cares, nobody wants to help me. nobody cares unless I’m rich and can afford to give them any and ALL the things off my back, but I can’t. Even with the money you make it will never be enough to help the poor girl who’s too young to have any kind of issue. It’s “all in my head” I’m just fucking crazy. I could break my own neck and still be told it’s only from anxiety. Nobody cares just”—

“I care” he exhales

“It doesn’t matter if you care, all your care is useless, all your help is worthless to me because it gets me nowhere. Nobody’s love and care gets me nowhere. It’s nothing all but fucking false hope. Don’t you get that? None of you still to this day seems understand that. Stop praying for me to get better. It’s never going to happen. I can’t take it anymore.. I just wanna die! All I wish for is to die but, I can’t even have that. It’s like all of you want me here, to live and suffer for the rest of my life for y’all, it’s not fair, fuck that”, your trembling, body in fight or flight

“Don’t say that, you know I’d do anything to take your pain away”

“It doesn’t matter what you’d do because you’re not a doctor. You’re not a professional, you can’t help me get better.. sucks to hear but it’s the truth Steve..fuck”—

Steve’s really trying not to beat himself up over your words, he knows you’re in pain, it comes from a place of anger, frustration and fear

“I have all these pain medications I could easily take all at once, so I’ll never have to wake up in this position ever again. Why can’t I do it huh? I could end right here right now you never have to suffer again, but I just d-don’t; If anything, I’m the most selfless person for staying alive for YOU just so I can be alive but in pain all over again for YOU!”, your tone getting higher and higher in pitch

“I-I’m sorry.. I wish I knew the right words to say baby”, he’s trying his best to stay strong for you

“You’ve got to be sick of me, tired of me. All I do is cause more money to come out of your pockets, more exhaustion, more burdening, more crying, more everything bad for you. You already deal with your own shit. I do nothing but make your own mentality worse, hell you’re making your own self worse being with a person like me. A broken and useless excuse of a human being. You deserve somebody who can go hiking with you, go to the beach, travel with, who can do the bare minimum. Can’t even fuck you properly—

“STOP! Stop that right now” he shouts

You freeze because he’s never raised his voice at you, atleast not on purpose at such a vulnerable time

“I hate it too. You know it hurts me to know that you hurt and I’m sorry that I can’t take the pain away from you. My sweet, sweet girl I’m so sorry that nobody has given you the chance to hear your voice, to help heal you..but I’m gonna make you the same promise I make you almost every single night. As long as I’m with you, I will try my best with all my power to make it a little bit more bearable for you to be here, and I am so grateful that you are still here and choose to be here with me for us to be together. I know you hurt, but as long as you’re with me, I’m going to do my best to put a smile on your pretty face, beautiful sunshine of a smile because you’re my sunshine.. y-your smile gives me life did you know that?”

You nod. He tells you all the time

“I- I’m tired for wishing to feel ok for my birthdays, every Christmas. All the shirts and posters you got me for Christmas? I haven’t even touched them yet, you know why? Because the selfish person in me doesn’t give a fuck about none of it. The only thing I care about and want and NEED is pain relief and that’s too much to ask for isn’t it? Apparently wanting to be better in the world it’s too much to ask for”

“You deserve to feel better”, he says while his hand travels up your back to rub your tense neck, “You deserve to be free from all of this and I can’t give that to you. You’re not selfish baby you’re hurting. I love you for you. I knew what I was signing up for, and if I didn’t want that I wouldn’t be here right now with you. I know the sacrifices Ill have to make, the tears I’ll have to shed, the strength it’ll take me to pick you up when you’re down, but I fell in love with you, how you are, and who you are”

“Who are you kidding Steve, you don’t even know who I am. The real me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I wish you met me when I wasn’t sick then maybe you wouldn’t be so stressed out a-and.. and,” you start sobbing again, it’s all too overwhelming

“Hey, hey look at me, no. I met you at the right time. You need me just as much as I need you. You may not think you’re worth nothing but you’re worth everything to me. Yeah you have a good and bad days..—

“I’ve had nothing but bad days for the past few months Steve”-

“I know, I see it, I hear it and I witness it, I may not can feel it, but at the end of it all, you still love me. You’re still here. You still want to cook for me. You still get up to brush your teeth and I’m so proud of you for still trying to care for yourself. That’s the biggest job you’ll ever have, and it’s been a very hard job hasn’t it?

You nod, as he nods with you

“Yeah, it has, but you don’t have to do it alone anymore. I want to provide for you. I want to take care of you. You’re my girl, you deserve so much and as long as I’m with you, I will try every day, every hour, every second or minute, to make sure you know how loved, how great and how amazing you are. How great and amazing you’re doing for yourself and for me. How strong you are”—

—“im tired of having being strong all the time”, interrupting him

“I know you are. You are so strong for being on this earth, even when you don’t want to be. I wouldn’t ask for anybody else, you’re it for me always. Will you continue to let me try to make it better for you every day? To take care of you?”, he squats in front of you, cupping your wet cheeks, kissing your forehead

“But Stevie.. you know you’re getting your own hopes up because nothing you do helps either and I feel like a piece of shit for saying that because”—

“I know what you mean, you don’t have to be sorry. I understand you may not have hope but I do. All my Hope goes towards you and it always will. You are the most important thing in my life. I’m not gonna give up on you, on me or on us, ok sunshine?”

..”okay”, you repeat rubbing your temples

“Head hurt, darling?”

“yes”

“From crying too hard?”

You nod, looking away in shame, “It’s okay, I’ll get your Migrane cap from the freezer and i’ll set your pillows up how you like, just sit tight”, he says it standing then pausing at the doorway, looking over his shoulder, “I love you”

“luv you—

“Hmm? What was that, I couldn’t hear you” he exclaims

“I said love you gosh.. shut up”, you barely crack a smile

That was enough to get him through the rest of the night.

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x disabled!reader #steve harrington x ill!reader #tw sui talk #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x gn!reader #tw sick mention #mental health awareness #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington x chronically!ill reader #steve harrington x sick reader #steve harrington angst #stranger things #joe keery #chronic pain issues #bpd #spoonie

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dairy-farmer · 3 months

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The caped community finds out Tim is a meta by virtue of ✨something I'm too lazy to think up✨. His power? Tim can choose when he's gonna be pregnant. Like a duck that can prevent unwanted fertilization. It becomes this thing in the caped community (and rogues who somehow found out) where they try to fuck Tim and get him pregnant. The problem isn't fucking Tim. Turns out Tim is quite the slut. The problem is that he doesn't want to get pregnant. It's like a ginormous dick measuring competition that no one can seem to win. And then one day, they find out Tim is pregnant. The baby daddy? Some random civilian Tim met at a bar.

On Tim's part, he would love to get pregnant. He just doesn't want to carry any babies with a meta gene (he does NOT want to know if those babies can develop superpowers inside his womb and he's not eager to try it out) or carry the baby of someone with as many deep-seated mental issues like the bats (he read somewhere that babies can inherit depression and anxiety and have worse issues. His babies are about to get his, he does NOT want to get them double more). It left him with a very, very narrow pool of sperm donors. Good thing sex with these people are great.

-🦆

😍😍😍😍 tim's power being built-in birth control!!!! and tim being very logical and focused on who he wants to father his baby. because tim loves sex, he loves it A LOT despite his more...modest reputation, some might even say prudish.

but just because tim is willing to fuck a whole manner of people doesn't mean he wants them to knock him, despite how often that seems to be a fantasy of the many people he lets fuck him. sex is one thing but a baby? that's something tim does not take lightly.

before tim had been born his mom and dad had a pure bred show dog as a pet. her name had been biscuit and her picture had been higher up on the mantle piece than tim. tim had heard all about her growing up and he'd also heard about how other competitors in the show dog scene had tried striking deals with tim's parents to breed their dogs with biscuit.

"but it's not that simple timmy," his dad would tell him. "you can't just let any stud mount the bitch, otherwise that's how you get bad pups."

bad pups, like pups who didn't like to listen, who had bad temperaments, who inherited dispositions to diseases, and worst of all- pups who were ugly.

it'd been the same reasoning his parents used when they chose a sperm donor to have tim. tim supposed it was that "parent" who he had to blame for his meta abilities of being able to choose who impregnates him. he supposed it made sense they were a sperm donor since if tim had a sort of hyper awareness of his reproductive organs then it was likely they did to. after all, it was how he was able to stop his period without having to go on any medications. it was just a matter of reabsorbing the egg that wanted to descend back into his system.

so that's what tim does. he refuses to present the seas of ejaculate in his womb with a nice little egg to fertilize because he can tell they wouldn't be suitable. tim can 'feel' out the genetic material in him. can tell which sperm contains the right genes to be born a meta human (approximately 75%). can tell which ones will result in phenotypes like blonde hair or brown eyes. he can detect genetic predispositions for disease contained within them.

mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, addiction, and even bad temperaments like anger. diseases like pku, sickle cell, and cancer.

tim isn't perfect either. he has an increased risk of bpd and colon cancer, a higher chance of developing diabetes, a predisposition to vision problems and cavities. that's not even mentioning the actual problems he has.

tim's ptsd, depression, and naturally elevated cortisol levels from being so stressed all the time might have an impact on the fetal brain development.

and even though tim can't control that he can still mitigate the risk.

tim has already carefully selected a handful of eggs from his ovaries with the lowest risk and is carefully watching over them, keeping them safe until he finds a perfect genetic donor father.

which...tim is keeping his hopes realistic. the father likely won't be a cape because even if they don't have inherited issues, their accumulated issues will likely leak into the baby. plus tim doesn't like the idea of his baby having another parent that could just swing by and bother them. no, tim would much rather prefer a stranger, preferably a one night stand who would have no rights or ideas about his baby.

but until that happens tim has a large pool of willing participants to fuck him even if he wouldn't consider using their genetic material. and that's how it is. until tim has a business trip in st. paul minnesota and meets someone at a fancy lounge downtown.

not overly tall but a decent height, a nice musculoskeletal structure, a nice face, not pushy, sweet laugh.

it's after they have sex and are lazily making out in bed that tim realizes he's hit the genetic lottery jackpot.

no history of mental illness, at all. no elevated risks for diabetes, cancer, or a whole host of diseases. tim's genetics have a slight disposition for alcoholism but the donor is a rare drinker and doesn't smoke. no cardiovascular disease issues, low chance of allergy to pharmaceuticals, all blood, skin, eye, muscle, and tissue disorders appear to be low risk, and the only risk for autoimmune disease comes from tim. his donor even has the right genes for his babies to have straight teeth and clear skin through their adolescence unlike tim who had been forced to liberally use zit cream and braces throughout middle school.

yeah tim has hit the jackpot. he's so excited he gets horny again.

the donor is already more than tim ever dreamed of and the genetic material he already has is more than enough for him to get pregnant.

but could tim be blamed for wanting to widen the pool even more and give his baby the best of the best?

tim rides his donor hard and fast, bouncing and trying to thank the father of his future child for this gift with every whip of his hips.

he'll be coming back for more. all of his children will need to be fathered with this person because there's no way tim can let someone with such beautifully perfect genes slip through his fingers (also it helps that the sex is nice).

tim stares down at the gorgeous brown eyes all of his children will have (tim's light blue eyes carry an increased risk of basal and squamous cell carcinoma) as they roll back from the bliss of another orgasm, their balls clenching and cum shooting into tim's more than welcoming womb. tim's cunt clenches around the throbbing length, satisfaction purring in his chest as a fresh load of material for him to parse through fills him.

tim spends the plane ride home carefully choosing out the perfect sperm and gently guiding his egg to it. he carefully makes sure the two fuse perfectly, joining his egg and the material of his lovely donor (who tim has carefully memorized the name and address of for future reference). after all he'll be back in a few years to fuck his brains out for another sweet baby. it's what tim always wanted after all.

tim already knows he's pregnant weeks later but takes a test for his medical records, after all he needs to get started on all the proper vitamins and treatments to make sure his baby is born with the least risk possible. he also needs to inform bruce as quickly as possible so he can be benched. no need for unnecessary stress after all, it would be bad for the baby if tim's levels rose any higher.

news of tim's pregnancy spreads quickly and practically everyone tim has slept with in the last few weeks are stumbling over themselves to try and find out who the father is.

tim supposes he'll let them keep guessing for a few more weeks before their inevitable hovering gets annoying and he shoos them away.

because while tim might have the baby he's wanted for so long, he still needs help satiating his desires. orgasms always help with lowering his stress and the flood of hormones that are to come will, of course, make him too horny to function.

but at least he'll have help with that. afte rall, ever since people found out tim could control whether he got pregnant or not more than a few people showed up on his doorstep, desperate to be able to fuck bare back without any risks.

and tim, well who was he to say no?

#answered asks #asks #anonymous

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viveela · 4 months

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I'm not rlly hating on Style or your opinion, just like cuz Stan isn't good in a relationship(seen with Stendy), and Stan and Kyle appear to have a 'good' friend relationship, so what makes you think that Stan wouldn't treat Kyle the same if they were dating?/gen

That’s a good question. Why would Stan be any different in a relationship with Kyle? How do I know it wouldn’t be a rinse and repeat? Well, looking at their dynamic in the overall show is a big part in getting the answer to why it would be different.

There’s a lot of uniqueness in their friendship especially when it comes to what Stan does. Stan used to seek out Kyle when he’s emotional, seeing him as someone to go to. He didn't and still doesn’t really do that with anyone else. He’s also readily willing to sacrifice for Kyle, doing everything he can for him whether it be him almost dying or because he felt insecure about his looks due to a tier list. He would value Kyle’s word a lot too, often going along with what he says because of this. Stan doesn’t really do any of this with anyone else, further highlighting their dynamic as something that stands out.

When you compare this to the relationship that Stan has with Wendy, it’s notable the care and effort Stan puts in isn’t nearly on the same level. (Even more when you think about the chat gpt episode). So with all this in mind, logically it would make sense that if he was placed in a relationship with Kyle, it would probably go better.

Honestly, though, despite all this I don’t think that’s exactly the case either though. I can explain why (but it's gonna be very long and a deep dive into style's dynamic):

Hot take, but I think when it comes to Stan being in a relationship, I see it always starting off rough no matter the person involved with him due to his mental health. The obvious reasoning is his depression that's untreated, but I believe there's even more to it than this.

I mentioned this briefly, but I see Stan as a very accidentally bpd (borderline personality disorder) coded character. A lot of the behaviors that he exhibits with Kyle feel reminiscent of how one would act with their favorite person. This is most seen with how he acts when he loses Kyle, he goes through an extremely rough withdrawal period. Stan also gets sensitive easily, possessive, can switch emotions quickly, behave irrationally, prone to addictive substances, makes impulsive choices, and tried to shove Kyle out of his life before he could when his depression got severe, etc. It would explain the way he acts out whenever anything concerning Kyle happens.

Then, stay with me, Kyle strikes me as very npd (narcissistic personality disorder) coded, albeit, again, by accident. Despite Stan being his most important relationship and someone he cares for, he constantly dismisses his feelings, pokes fun at him, and tends to try manipulating him into backing him up in strange circumstances even when he's not in the right. Then look at his other consistent traits like his need for attention and adoration, strong refusal to accept when he's wrong, fearing being ostracized/abandoned, thinking himself morally superior at all times, and behaves manipulative often, etc. I feel like these traits get overlooked a lot because he's framed as the good/right one by the show, but when you really think about it, it feels like a strange line up for him until that coding is considered.

I’m no professional, but I’ve looked into this a good amount and know people with these things and it feels like it aligns pretty well the more you look into it. I won’t ramble on explaining this further, but I could if asked. It’s really interesting to think about.

So if they got together um...it's gonna be complicated, especially with an fp involved. These kind of pairs in relationships are notorious for going bad, terrible even. The start is always sunshine and rainbows though...but then it sort of explodes. But I mean, their friendship has kinda already gone bad in modern day. Their actions with each other have left wounds. They don't seem as cheery with each other as they once were nor do they even talk much, but they do still go to each other. Even when looking at early seasons, they kept going through ‘break up’ arcs due to setting each other off. Yet they come back to each other still each time.

So my point is…yes it would be different, Stan would behave different for sure. Would it be better? Not for a long time, in fact it’d be worse for a while. Here’s the thing though, I think that’s not necessarily what matters. I think what really matters is whether it stays rough or if they manage to break out of it. I think style can and will manage to get better. Especially if Kyle gets a psychology degree, awareness goes a long way.

And as I was saying, they have this inner want to go back to each other no matter what happens. They’re only truly happiest when together and we see a clear example of this with the two pc timelines. But we also see how complicated this can be for them within the same specials. This is why I like them. They’re complicated and messy, but really do care for each other a lot and at the end of the day prefer to try mending their bond then leaving it to die out. They just need more support and communication with each other.

#veespeaks #anon ask #south park #stan x kyle #style retrospective/analysis #bpd/npd discussion #this got way too srs for this ask lol but lowkey wanted an excuse to talk about this haha #anyway tldr: technically it wouldn't be different in the sense its still a rocky relationship #but the difference is i dont think they'd stay that way forever

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flightfoot · 6 months

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TBH I think both versions of Felix can be right from a psychology perspective? He seems to have complex post-traumatic stress disorder, which is a more severe form of PTSD that develops from chronic, inescapable trauma. Symptoms for it include usual PTSD symptoms + emotional dysregulation, viewing yourself as something not human, difficulty maintaining stable relationships, severe trust issues with both people and the world as a whole, hypervigilance, anxiety, depression, dissociation, self destructive/sabotaging behaviors... potentially most notably in Felix's case, it can involve a fixation on enacting revenge on perceived abusers. Feeling like there's no possibility of you or your loved ones ever being safe if they're still out there. It overlaps a lot with BPD, which I've seen some talk about for Felix.

I don't know if the writers intended that- but he definitely checks all the boxes for CPTSD. And many cases also involve a deep, deliberate violation of trust starting at an early age by someone who should typically be considered a 'safe' person. Like a father. This is often a major part of the victim's distorted sense of self and loss of hope.

I think the issue here is that this fits well with his behaviors of like, lashing out at people and his childish view of the world and impulsiveness in Emotion and Pretension, but it doesn't really feel like it aligns as well with the more composed, clever, and manipulative version of Felix we saw in say, Gabriel Agreste, Risk, and Strike Back - though it does still fit the version of him we saw in his introductory episode pretty well.

#ask #miraculous ladybug #ml analysis #felix fathom

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cypriathus · 5 months

Text

Main protagonist of In A Thicket of Spaciousness

WARNING: I talk about specific mental health issues and how it affects the following character.

Ephoszumina Uynaszoide Higenbrotamus-Teixojzura is the 36-year-old determined and protective commander of the Ichnaea 5 spacecraft. She’s part of the Galactic Investigation of Anomalous Phenomena Division (GIAPD), one of the few subdivisions of the Bureau of Researching and Securing Extramundane Curiosities (BRSEC). As a hard-working individual, she feels confident about her work and possesses an unwavering commitment to her given tasks. She’s a reliable member of the GIAPD, putting effort into their work and obediently following orders. She’s also viewed as trustworthy by her crew members due to her good listening and emotional intelligence skills. Ephoszumina is quite independent and honourable, being able to not rely on others for aid or support and believe in truth as well as doing what’s morally right. However, she sometimes struggles to break out of her unyielding independence and collaborate with her crew members due to her stubbornness. She respects the opinions and ideas of others, showing consideration and regard to what they have to say. However, she will put her foot down and tell them off if she views it as necessary. Ephoszumina is very organised and is quick to notice things, especially if it involves her plans or any potential problems that might arise amongst her group. She’s decently down-to-earth, ensuring that she focuses on the task beforehand and dealing with people practically and directly.

She's capable of uplifting the management of her team, but she does occasionally overthink and/or disregard the potential negative consequences. She tends to appear menacingly and isn’t afraid to threaten those who try to invade her privacy or harm the safety of her and the members of the Ichnaea 5. She can be quite sarcastic at times, which is usually in the form of mocking and contemptible remarks. Ephoszumina does have a bit of a fiery temper, but that’s usually targeted towards those she finds irritating or it’s a sign of wanting to be left alone. She tries to hide the fact that she experiences depression, insomnia, and borderline personality disorder (BPD). Her depression makes her feel sad, empty, and hopeless, and prone to angry outbursts and frustration, even over small matters. She often desires to be non-existent and can be somewhat fixated on past failures. She has difficulty with concentration, decision-making, and recalling, which makes dealing with her tasks feel like an absolute chore. Her BPD makes her feel uncertain about how she sees herself, experiences mild mood swings, and intensifies her fear of abandonment and instability.

Ephoszumina is slightly above the average height of an Irishwoman and is almost about 5’ 6” (167.64 cm). Her body shape is more rectangular, but her hips are fairly defined, her shoulders and buttocks are slightly rounded, and she carries some weight in her upper thighs. Her medium-length hair is in a side-parted wavy, messy lob and it’s a lovely shade of golden bronze with red brown streaks. She has striking sienna skin with reddish freckles decorating her face, chest, and shoulders. She has long eyelashes and cerulean eyes, but the left one is slightly lighter than the right due to it being made from glass, which she tries to cover up with a purplish eyepatch. After the spaceship crash, her left arm is replaced with a prosthetic, the wires being the veins and muscles tendons, while the flexible metal are the bones and flesh. Her lower back, buttocks, and behind the left leg have received some scars, primarily second- and third-degree burns and lacerations.

Like the other main members of Ephoszumina’s group, she wears the traditional GIAPD space uniform. This uniform consists of teal blue space flight suits with two white strips from the neck gaiter to the end of their jacket sleeves and well-placed pockets. GIAPD workers also wear position badges, the flag of their country on the left arm, the logo of their organisation on the right arm, and a monochromatic shirt underneath the flight suit. The logo depicts the simplified black silhouette of a rabbit before a burning star of blue, yellow, orange, red, and white. Below that striking logo design is the organisation’s abbreviated name in bold pomp and power lettering. Each member possesses a badge with their position and the depiction of a planet or moon. However, her badge is the only one in her group that depicts the Sun and the title of commander. The sleeves of her uniform jacket are sometimes rolled up or the jacket is wrapped around her waist. Beneath Ephoszumina’s standard uniform, she wears a white button down shirt and a tangerine undershirt. On her left uniform arm, her country’s flag is that of Ireland. Sometime after the spaceship crash, she wears a drop leg holster attached to a flexible waistband. She wears a solitaire wedding band with a princess-shaped diamond below her engagement ring on the left ring finger. She also has a spacesuit that has her commander badge and Ireland flag in the same places as her flight suit. She occasionally wears a bronze shawl with floral patterns of saffron, red-violet, ruddy blue, and pale rose with a silver amphisbaena engulfed in flames on the back. When wearing her shawl, she dons a pair of dirty brown jeans, which are both gifted from her lover named W’Viphatroglukebyx.

Besides her BRSEC ID, she holds onto a very special photograph of her with her deceased husband, Veljahomius. As the commander who survived a spaceship crash and is roaming through alien planets, she has a few weapons on her person. One of the weapons she wields is an energy weapon with a sling that’s partially modelled off of the Russian RGS-50M. Instead of regular bullets or the ammunition that the RGS-50M uses, it shoots out either blasts or large orbs of slow-moving energy, but that greatly depends on the firing settings. Another weapon on her person is a double-barrelled pistol with a built-in flash suppressor. Ephoszumina also has a multi-purpose taser that fires three stun probes and is partially based off of the Raysun X-1. The energy weapon is named the Blazing Whispers 0.3, the double-barrelled pistol is called the Zermillionus LCTI-7390, and the taser is referred to as the Weather’s Eye J-XT81. She wears a highly advanced black, blue, and gold wristwatch given to her by the BRSEC, appearing to be modelled after the DB28 Kind of Blue Tourbillon and Rotonde de Cartier Earth and Moon Watch. It’s capable of faster-than-light communication, notifications in regards to receiving work-related emails, passwords to access confidential documents, and telling the time. This very special model of watch is referred to as the BRSEC-35 Cirrostratus Parhelia.

FAMILY:

Unnamed father

Unnamed mother

Unnamed brother

Veljahomius (ex-husband)

W’Viphatroglukebyx (lover)

Aprichotenus (daughter)

Korwudelaszith (daughter)

Musaphordzen (daughter)

ALIASES/NICKNAMES:

Ephoszuma (by a few friends)

Uyneszoda (by a few friends and coworkers)

Commander (by the members of the Ichnaea 5 spacecraft)

Liefje (“little dear” in Dutch) (by Veljahomius)

Snoepje (“little candy” in Dutch) (by Veljahomius)

Knapperd (“beautiful” in Dutch) (by Veljahomius)

Lekker ding (“delicious thing” in Dutch) (by Veljahomius)

Fuzzy lumpkins (by W’Viphatroglukebyx)

Precious heartstring (by W’Viphatroglukebyx)

My graceful little daffodil (by W’Viphatroglukebyx)

My strong-hearted lioness (by W’Viphatroglukebyx)

Mama (by Aprichotenus, Korwudelaszith, and Musaphordzen)

Señora Ephoszumina (“lady” in Spanish) (by Gulebharto)

Madame Higenbrotamus (by Emarontius and Ayndefolius)

Higenta (by Sukhajowinder)

Schmusebacke (“smooth cheeks” in German) (by Friedoschalk)

Liebster (“most beloved” in German) (by Friedoschalk)

Honigbienchen (“little honey bee” in German) (by Friedoschalk)

Ephoszu-san (by Chitazuko)

Uphoszaide (by Gunaholde)

Ephostuxja (by Oyldzriska)

Ephoszumina Hanimefendi (“lady master” in Turkish) (by Evranfotih)

Miss Higenbrotamus-Teixojzura (by Plejzakhominus)

Unmovable cunt (by Plejzakhominus)

Lady Teixojzura (by Garwelohud)

Higebo (by Mjolahvet)

Grumpy albatross (by Aylbepurcht)

Lonesome heifer (by Eyschurota)

Mademoiselle of a Rocky Heart (by Kafenodisch)

Uyneszroda (by Gibhazlodus)

Higenbrota (by Gibhazlodus)

Teixoju (by Gibhazlodus)

FUN FACTS/EXTRA INFORMATION:

She’s demisexual

Her birthday is April 12th (Aries)

Her blood type is A-

In regards to her ethnicity, she’s 50% Irish, 37.5% British, and 12.5% Portuguese.

She used to have a Borzoi, but he died from cardiomyopathy.

She has double-jointed fingers

Besides English, she knows five different languages, which are Korean, German, Afrikaans, Portuguese, and Greek. However, she does know some Dutch as a result of her deceased husband.

She originally wanted to be a marine biologist due to her fascination and love for the ocean and its unique aquatic life. However, she became an astronaut for the Galactic Investigation of Anomalous Phenomena Division (GIAPD) due to reasons she doesn’t want to talk about.

She used to get teased a lot the time she first worked at the GIAPD, but it didn't last very long after she beat up a sexist coworker and reported him to his superiors.

Her grandfather's place was near a cozy beach and that's why she's learned to like it as she grows up.

She likes cappuccino, sea foam, the sounds of the ocean, marine biology, her grandfather’s bike, the spectacular sights of space, her husband and the memories they made together, birds in general, rare dog breeds, and the outdoors.

She likes to listen to the sounds of ocean waves she saved on her phone when she’s having trouble sleeping.

She dislikes the taste of cooked almonds, the uncomfortable vastness of outer space, black holes, social isolation, death, funerals, having an upset stomach after eating spicy foods or drinking booze, dangerous machinery, sexual harassment, and wasting food.

Her hobbies consist of mountain biking, playing badminton, metal detecting, doing word scrambles, reading short stories, trying out magic tricks, and collecting bird-themed items and seashells.

Her favourite planets inside the Solar System is Saturn and Neptune

Her favourite animals are the barn owl, mountain hare, Araneus diadematus, horse, and goldcrest.

When she was a kid, she used to like going to an aquarium due to her love of jellyfishes, sea anemones, starfishes, and other small fishes.

Her favourite flowers are the ragged robin, bog rosemary, wood anemone, and cuckoo flower.

Her favourite comfort foods are colcannon, Gur cake, jambon, and garlic cheese chips.

Due to her tritanopia colour blindness, it’s difficult to identify certain hues. From what she can see, her favourite colours are lapis lazuli and rose vale.

Her biggest pet peeves are obnoxiously loud yawning, leaving drawers and cabinets open, not screwing lids on bottles and containers all the way, people who comment on what she’s eating, heating up smelly food in a work kitchen, being condoned to a gender-based stereotype, and microaggression.

At one point in Ephoszumina’s life during her high school years, she used to be quite a nerd because she read books a lot and focused on her studies more than her other classmates. She also got those thick glasses as well, which many people made fun of. However, when she grew up, she preferred to put contact lenses on instead because she thought those glasses looked ridiculous on her.

Sometimes when she sits down it hurts her because of the injury around her butt, so she tries to avoid sitting down as much as possible.

Her prosthetic arm occasionally doesn’t function properly, so she gets it checked out every Sunday.

She paces a lot when thinking

She has a tendency to talk to herself

She knows a myriad of useless trivia

Ephoszumina secretly loves watching “bad” movies

Ephoszumina sleeps with her old baby blanket

She’s a contortionist

She can’t drive well

She usually taps her fingernails on hard surfaces

Ephoszumina’s guilty pleasure is following conspiracy theories that are considered to be blatantly false and out-of-this-world.

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tot-musica · 8 months

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Hi, I hope you’re doing well :)

Can I please ask some general romantic headcanons for Smoker with a marine male s/o who has borderline personality disorder?

Have a good day/night and feel free to ignore

Hi, I hope you’re doing well :)

Can I please ask some general romantic headcanons for Smoker with a marine male s/o who has borderline personality disorder?

Have a good day/night and feel free to ignore

Hi! I meant to keep this a bit shorter but the headcanons might as well be a fic in itself. I do apologize ahead of time, as I am not as familiar with BPD as other disorders, so I hope this is at least somewhat on the mark.

Warnings for mentions of the paramount war.

Ao3 Backup Link:

Smoker is not one to express emotions verbally … at least he thinks, but despite having a near permanent scowl, each feeling shows on him like an open book ….. An open book where you feel you have to keep re-reading the pages like you missed something.

There’s the nigh moments of fear, not full-blown paranoia, but definitely disconcerting feelings that you are unwanted in his presence - after all he is a complainer - you know that’s a facade of his caring nature - but do you feel it?

There’s no better moment of acquiescence than feeling a tight grip around your hand, immaterial fingers squeezing your own in relief that feels like cool water on a hot day, or a firm boulder attaching you to reality once more.

An impassive Smoker is either better or worse, given the time, but he’s much more aware than he looks. He doesn’t chain your emotions on a leash, but when the impulses are too strong to rationalize on your own, he’s there, regardless of circumstance, and without judgment. And if he can’t express it verbally, he always can physically. Three squeezes means, “I love you.”

When the matter of “Mugiwara” came into play, you watched how easily the kid could strike Smoker’s nerves, causing an abundance of thoughts such as, “Oh god do I look like that when I’m angry?”, to repressing giggles as what seems to be a rather contradictory pirate pisses him off so much he’s living up to his name of chaser. After learning the truth of Strawhat’s personality, it’s near impossible trying to hold back the hilarity and near joy of watching the kid being such a thorn in Smoker’s side like no other - “Stop laughing!” “I’m sorry - you’re just too cute when you’re flustered.” And you become the one doing the reigning in.

Your struggles are a never-ending process, something that must be kept in check but not restricted so unhealthily as to cause more harm, and it’s truly exhausting. And if you do lose yourself to fire or flame, sadness or despair, he’s there, over and over, reassuring that you’re in no way burdening him, that you do not annoy him, that he wants you by his side, as many times as you need to hear it. If you’re in public, it’s almost like he has a sixth sense for these things, and rubs the back of your palm with his thumb to say these things in silence.

Then that day. There is no hell like the paramount war, where the full spectrum of humanities raw emotions comes out on full display - and it’s nothing but pure rage, fear, adrenaline, despair in your nerves and veins and arteries, to the point you don’t even know who or what side you should fight for, who you should be punching. As marines die around you because they’re following duty. Of pirates dying around you all to retrieve a man that they hold dear. And you’re alone. You have to be alone. Because who knows where the hell Smoker is or if he’s even alive - no don’t think about that - or how he’s even processing this - how the hell are you processing this? How the hell can you process anything fighting for your life?

If Alabasta didn’t fully knock Smoker’s trust of the government and the marine higher-ups out of the park, the war did. Things “change” between you, but not in a negative light. If anything, you’re closer. Now there’s a solid determination behind his gaze, and so there is with you. Sailing into the cold side of Punk Hazard, you hold his hands in your mitts.

#one piece reader insert #one piece x reader #one piece x y/n #one piece reader headcanons #smoker x reader

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xsezzie · 5 months

Text

Profile Tag Game

Hello: My name is Sezzie, I know I can be rather blunt and robotic at times, but I promise you I don’t wish to intentionally hurt you. I am always open to having a chat whether it be in my DMs or through asks.

Chat: Tickling - Of course I like tickling, no shame in that. It’s completely normal… some people get flustered by it? Oh well, those people are the cutest~ Hm? You aren't cute? Well, I guess someone will need some tickles to convince them otherwise!

Chat: Identity - I wonder who I was yesterday, who I’ll be today, and what I’ll be tomorrow… I wish I knew who I was.

Chat: Masking - That thing I just did now, it was incorrect. I will be sure to act correctly in accordance with societal norms next time. If I do not act correctly then others will become disgusted or angry... Just as I would if you were to do the same.

When It Rains: Ugh, this would be nicer if it was at night time…

After the Rain: Everything either looks really clean or really dirty depending on the area… oh look, the birds are coming back out.

When Thunder Strikes: Ah… so relaxing.

When It Snows: What’s that?

When the Sun Is Out: Everything is as it should be…

When the Wind is Blowing: Ugh, my hair is messed up now…

Good Morning: Get up already, the world is perfect at this hour. The bad people don’t come out until later so it’s best to enjoy it while it lasts!

Good Afternoon: So hungry… must do my best to not eat a big meal…

Good Evening: Better get inside… they will be coming out soon.

Good Night: The optimal sleeping hours for those who suffer from depression are 10pm to 5am. Setting yourself a strict bed time will do wonders for your mental health, so hurry along, time for sleep.

About Sezzie: Alphabet - A fellow neurodivergent coworker taught me to think of all my disorders as “my alphabet”… so my alphabet currently is GAD, MDD and BPD… with ASD and ADHD in the process of being diagnosed.

About Sezzie: Writing - I actually hate that I’m the writer in the family and cannot physically draw. But, having a high literacy IQ certainly comes in handy when I’m creating. I’m glad people are able to feel my writing when I put the effort into it.

Something to Share: Name - My real name means “princess” apparently… I hope I don’t come off as one.

Interesting Things: Senses - Ah I love exploring sensory things. Honestly, I believe that feeling sensory pleasure is very soothing and not always supposed to be NSFW as most see it.

Sezzie’s Hobbies: Each of my personalities seems to have different hobbies, but if had to take a guess on the true me… writing, worldbuilding, and video games would be on top! I do also enjoy learning new things and gardening.

Sezzie’s Troubles: My existence troubles me… too dark? Well, deal with it. Life isn’t sunshine and rainbows, and I’m tired of coddling the special ones.

Favourite Food: I do not have the ability to have a favourite food due to my sensory eating issues… my addictions and interests change constantly. Ah but if there is one I’ll always come back to… Chicken Kievs hehe

Least Favourite Food: All of them! I like the art of food but eating? Bleh. I wish we didn’t have to.

About @otomiyaa: Ahhh she is my idol! I have been following her for years.. and only recently got the courage to begin talking to her more. I get nervous and think I come off as some weird fan that thinks they are friends with their idols. Forgive me Otomiya-SAMA!!

About @ticklystuff: He is the first person I began talking to when I joined the community. I feel like I owe him something for all the kindness and chats we have had together. I wish I could talk more often about hot MEN with him hehe

About @ticklish-n-stuff: Sakura-chan is one of the few people I can let my guard down and show my more "embarrassing" or "fangirl" sides to when it comes to characters I like. I am grateful to have her in my life. She also gushes about MEN with me and we have a blast discussing tickling.

About @nataliewritez: Nat is my adorable little sister and is a joy to chat to about anything. I can't believe we have known each other for nearly 2 years already!

About @fanfic-chan: Dessie is so adorable and such a comfy person to be around! Also the biggest lee ever hehe

About @ticklygiggles: Little does she know how cute she is. Perhaps I should go tease her sometime soon...

Tagging @fanfic-chan @nataliewritez @ticklish-n-stuff @ticklystuff @italeean @thatonetickleblog @anzynai @stopiteatpopcorn

#genshin impact #profile game #profile tag game #personal

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transpersian · 28 days

Text

Deep Cover

(copied from my twitter thread)

Alright. I got my unhinged time. Back to being regulated and strategic.

Apologies for my manic state over the past couple of days. For the past 2.5 months, I leaned into my most subservient, self-hating, self-blaming state from my past to make her feel in control.

It broke me.

I’m not here to hash out my history of trauma, but let’s just say I’m used to being in survival mode. I let the part of me that still felt for her grow like a weed, trying to carefully prune it so it didn’t overtake everything else. I gave her that power with careful limits.

The guilt I felt was real; I don’t want to do this. I want her to stop. But until she does, it’s necessary.

Alongside my love, the dissonance of guilt led to many, many breakdowns. I have friends who sat with me for hours in those calls as I lamented what Poppy could have been.

Add the additional stress of my strained trust and relationships with friends, including a half dozen that cut ties completely.

Add the viciousness people constantly spit at me anonymously on Tumblr.

Add my whole-ass personal life, which is its own nightmare of complications.

This has been hard, especially because I didn’t expect it to last more than two weeks. Especially when Poppy genuinely started to trust me. Defend me against her friends. Against Zena.

She promised she wouldn’t abandon me again and she didn’t. That’s particularly potent w/ BPD.

I still handled things.

Part of me worried that if she offered to run away from all this with me, I would’ve been tempted. People would finally be safe from her and I’d be in the toxic relationship of my nightmares.

But my principles kept me true. My love for Hela kept me true.

To help keep those feelings in check, I’d regularly read back through the documentation I was still working on. Especially Spawn’s screenshots.

I’ve literally worked myself to tears dozens of times to keep focus on what I’m fighting for.

Was this healthy? Nah.

But it worked.

I don’t need everyone to agree with what I did, or how. I just hope everyone at least sees that it’s not something I just do casually. This was a dark art, learned from many years of surviving people like PZ. I had to break this shit out like John Wick’s buried stash.

I was deeply uncomfortable with how good I was at it. I started to feel bad about it a few weeks in. I used that guilt to feed into my facade. The lines began to blur more and more.

I wasn’t going to betray my people, but I started to lose it for a while. Actual derealization.

I did accomplish useful things in there, but I can’t share them for fear of endangering them. Just know that I’d do it all over again. It was worth it.

I have a wonderful support network. Beyond just trauma bonding, I love these people. I trust them with my life.

But that last push, that desperate series of attempts to get Poppy to accept even one tiny bit of responsibility… that broke me.

Her saying that my love for her wasn’t real unless I betrayed my friends? That hurt. Telling her that she’d destroyed me and her “I don’t care?” God.

I leaned into the crazy on that last conversation because, frankly, I wanted to. I wanted to let all of the rage and fury and madness that I’d felt over all of this out.

Not just what she’d done to me. Everyone. Dozens.

And it felt good, y’all. It felt good to get theatrical.

So when I finally came out of it… that energy carried over.

I became the crazy ex-girlfriend they said I was, just for a bit. My strikes were still pointed, but yeah, I dove into the vibe.

Sorry about that.

It’ll take time to heal properly, but I’ll be okay. Survived worse.

Point being, I just wanted to make a statement discussing my recent behavior. I’m not proud of it, but I don’t regret it.

I’ve been so controlled with my emotions about all of this for so long. Please forgive me this indulgence.

I went under right before people started finally listening. It was kind of intoxicating to say things publicly and finally get so much support and visibility.

But if I’m going to continue being a prominent voice in this whole debacle, I need to be better, and I will be.

I am.

So… back to work. Back to healing.

Thank you for trusting me. It means the world.

It’s so fucking good to be back. 💜

#zenaandpoppy #poppy and zena #milena

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katyspersonal · 3 months

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Honestly, not how I expected it to be resolved. I think I've seen what concept of coping in a human form would be like. After a long string of this person trying one way to blame me for everything after another and another and another. Back then in summer when A found out I vagueblogged about her, she tossed that "apology" at me and instantly blocked. In that message she claimed the reason why she threw us to Dr Eugene X and her horde of huntsmen was not something personal but her feeling morally obligated to provide any testimony she could in hopes to remedy situation. Like, showing truth rather than my self-defence or Dr Eugene X's exagerration (A's own words)

But this time, when I confronted her and she engaged in discussion, facade fell very fast and she admitted that she considered me deserving that backstabbing. That it was not a mistake like I started to think, not lack of psyop immunity, not twisted idea of her "duty" but intentional, calculated, malicious act with sole purpose to hurt me as a revenge for hurting her. That I deserved the whole arc of her pretending to have forgiven my paranoid outburst when she defended my stalker only to strike from the back. That I deserved backstabbing and that's why she did it. I was absolutely losing my shit and physically unable to think rationally from pain and fear, but she said I made a CHOICE to "start a war" with her, so I had no right to complain that she was "fighting dirty" (I am quoting her word to word here). Basically, A is Petrus lol

She said I used my trauma, mental illness and state of having been regularly stalked and slandered back then to "excuse" having hurt her by calling her brainwashed and two-faced, for defending THE person that reduced me to paranoid, aggressive mess to begin with. And as a final punch in the gut, she said that the way I reacted at her triggering my paranoia (even if not on purpose) was evidence that I haven't changed after what I was like 6 years ago. I asked how comes that the only way a person changes to the better is if they never make mistakes again or never have negative emotions again but got no response. Only attempt to rage quit on me for "pointless" discussion in the fashion of the worst narcissistic parent that just got their logical error pointed out. Not only a common Westerner L on not understanding how humans work, but also it was vile to use the biggest regret in my life against me like that.

I kinda.. trusted for that time that she WAS sorry for backstabbing me. But after sleeping for like 2 hours, in retrospective, from how much she bashed me for everythibg being entirely my fault, I assume she is only sorry because that action brought her more stress than it was worth. And she also considers herself more hurt out of us two after admitting that she completely forgot about me until I messaged her, when I haven't been able to stop hurting and crying because of her after half a year.

If you gonna carry out anything from another turn of my never ending downward spiral of epic fails, then 1) if someone's words are seriously hurtful and cruel and you didn't deserve them, obliterate the bastard verbally where they STAND! do not just conceal your pain not even once offering a chance to make up for the damage done, until you have a chance for revenge??? seriously WTF?! 2) however, if someone gets aggroed at you calling them two-faced to the point they have to plot revenge and victimblame, you've probably guessed right about them 3) paranoid outbursts and alike are not a calculated choice 4) some people don't know how humans work, just because someone tells you that you are an inconsiderate monster that can't stay in society without harming people and use your mental pain and trauma as an excuse to get away with it doesn't mean it is true (especially note it if you have BPD like me, I know yall have a toxic trait of hearing insane accusations about you and just agree with them) 5) for some reason my string of closures is stuck at "seeing ugly truth at last" theme. Can someone really good hurt me? Lol /j

It was still a valid point on her end that the way cruel, angry words I say without thinking can seriously wound someone who already has low self-esteem and depression. It is just better if I do not try to get close with people that have such problems until I can change my reaction to pain and fear from aggression to distancing. Not gonna happen soon because since early childhood it was anger that allowed me to persist at least somewhat against all the abuse within my family. Not crying, not hiding, not distancing. It is very hard wired in my brain to react at signs of danger by trying to destroy it.. so yeah, look, you've been warned. If you already feel like shit about yourself don't let me too close just in case, I am fine with emotional distance. Because when I get alerted or scared (of abandonment, being lied to, intent to harm me etc) I say bad, cruel shit that won't let you sleep for a while. I am sorry everyone who I already made feel unsafe with my outbursts.

#personal #/drama #/vent #closure #/negative #mental illness

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polyamorouspunk · 4 months

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I'm a little late for the sleepover asks but FUCK IT WEEEEE

2023 was honestly such a good year for me. Left a person who just wasn't a good partner for me, ended up cutting them out entirely bc they just weren't a good friend either. That was FREEING beyond belief cuz now I have time to do my own things and the confidence to be my authentic self again.

I started dating an old partner of mine again and god I missed him. I missed him so much. I'm happy we had the time apart cuz we really needed it but GOD I'm so happy we're back together, life feels perfect again with him and my irl partner. My polycule is as it should be...

Goals for 2024...well, I've been working for months now to be able to gather the money to visit my partner in March for the whole month so I can meet his family and we can make up for lost time, and in April he'll be coming back with me to New England so we can catch the eclipse with my irl partner and another friend of ours!! I'm very excited for that all to happen...

Other than that...I think artistically speaking I'm going to be branching out a lot more. I want to try 3D modelling again, this time using Blockbench (low poly) instead of Blender. I wanna practice perspective far more often. I want to play around with new brushes in my art program. I also really want to make more Littlest Pet Shop customs and get like...stupid good at them and stupid good at making more miniature stuff to go with them.

Maybe....finish all the games I've started. THAT would be nice. (Impossible goal. Too many games.)

Who knows what else will strike my fancy to try out and to explore but one thing's for certain...I'm going to be myself ENTIRELY and UNAPOLOGETICALLY. I deserve that >:3c

Me reading this without reading who sent this: why does this sound so fami- ah. Yes. The change in icon strikes again.

YOU AND ME BOTH. UNFORTUNATELY YOU ARE MY FRIEND SO YOU HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT HOW I’M LIVING MY BEST LIFE RIGHT NOW BUT UH. Yeah lol.

And relatable! I’m glad we both got to reconnect with old ex’s. It’s what the bpd bitches deserve.

I’m really excited to see what we both create this year. I’m excited to show each other and to encourage each other creatively. Here’s to another glorious year of bitching about shit.

#punk gets mail

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iconicloneliness · 1 year

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My friends and I had a question, what if Xavier's Institute for Higher Learning wasn't for mutants? What if it was for disabled kids instead? And the kids are playing pretend with their "powers"

So, we made a list.

- Logan: double arm amputee with metal joints aka his 'claws'

- Peter/Pietro Maximoff: an albino who has severe asthma and is still a kleptomaniac (bro still runs everywhere)

- Erik Lehnsherr: has an incredibly crippling iron deficiency and takes many iron supplements. Also helps fix any toys, and the kids think he can bend metal

- Xavier: alopecia and is paralyzed waist down, given the role of telepath because he always knows when a kid is stressed and knows what to say

- Scott Summers: blinded by an accident/slowly lost his vision and wears his red glasses because they "look cooler, I think", the kids say he shoots lasers, that's why he always has to wear his glasses

- Wanda Maximoff: mute and knows sign language, different languages of sign language, which is her 'spells' because no one else can understand what she's saying except for her brother

- Warren Worthington III: severe scoliosis, had surgery which is where his 'wings' are, the new metal wings are his new back brace

- Kurt Wagner: strange skin condition and natural elf ears, was born with four fingers and toes on each hand and foot, manages to pop up and disappear quickly

- Piotr/Peter Nikolayevich Rasputin: large Russian man, triple amputee, one leg and both arms, super advanced prosthetics. Welder, always wearing a welder's helmet. Kids believe he's made of metal

- Sean Cassidy: on the spectrum, has awful voice control and yells a lot. Stims very aggressively sometimes

- Kitty: half blind, bad depth perception and walks into walls and doors, which kids just say she isn't using her power. They say she's supposed to walk through walls, that's why she always walks into them

- Rogue: aggressive kid, IED, anxiety disorder. Extremely touch adverse and is learning to be kinder and copies the kids' behaviors to learn

- Jean Gray: constantly gets migraines, a quiet kid who helps in the background, same dadstincts as Xavier, so was 'gifted' telepathy as well

- Hank: BPD, hairy man. Still polydactyl and hides when he gets overwhelmed, extreme anxiety, also heavily on the spectrum

- Sabertooth: hair grows all over very thick, nails grow fast and has sharper canines. IED as well, bipolar

- Alex Summers: heart disease and problems, rash on hands that he wears gloves to cover and protect. Hurt his hands in accident as well

- Ororo Munroe: struck by lightning three different times, hypothyroidism made her hair white, has trouble with limb control due to repeated lighting strikes

- Cable: lost his eye and arm in an accident, has a fake eye and prosthetic arm. His depth perception is still surprisingly good, so the kids say he's part cyborg

And that, my dears, is all we have so far, please lmk if y'all have any ideas for other X-Men, this is one of my favorite AUs

#xmen au #disabled mutants #xmen have disabilities instead of powers #xmen #au

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aspd-culture · 1 year

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i dont normally feel guilt/remorse, but i have been feeling guilty over my friends suicide. i feel like its my fault, that i couldve done more to prevent it, shouldnt have been angry towards him before he died, etc... i regret not doing such. typical grief stuff and all. this is my only instance of feeling guilt. does it still "count" as an absence of guilt/remorse?

Death is a rough circumstance, and I can see two reasons that someone with low/no remorse would be feeling the way you are right now.

First, if this person was an Exception. Exceptions are people your symptoms lessen around (they're sort of similar to an FP for BPD except they lessen your symptoms instead of worsening them), so you may feel more empathy towards them than you would others, you may miss them and want to talk to them in a way you usually don't with people, you may care more about their opinion of you, etc. On top of this, you may feel more guilt/remorse than you usually would in reference to them.

However, if they weren't an Exception while they were alive, then this is what I think is likely happening. When people die, especially that way, people tend to react with what they call guilt. They wonder what they could have done, they speak on mental health, they tell other friends to come to them if they need something, etc. And some of them genuinely adjust so that next time there is a crisis, they are prepared for it, while others only do this for while they're in the grieving process and go back to how they were before once they finish the bargaining stage. To me, none of this strikes as true remorse or guilt; I think it's regret (which pwASPD can definitely feel). Regret is different because it's feeling bad due to the consequences of your actions (not in any way saying it is your fault, it almost definitely wasn't, but that's what it sounds like your brain is telling you) vs just feeling bad because you did the actions. You wouldn't be feeling this way, I assume, if the person had not attempted and/or succeeded in hurting themselves, so that is regretting the result vs feeling true guilt for the action.

No matter what it is you're feeling though, remember that death is a very stressful and emotional time for many people regardless of what disorders they have. Try not to blame yourself for a situation that was likely entirely out of your control, and do your best to remember you had a right to feel anything you felt, even anger, and not expect that to end in their death. Practice some self care if you can, and take care of your mental health in this tough time.

#tw sui #cw sui #sui mention #tw dead mention #tw death #cw death #aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually antisocial #actually aspd #antisocial personality disorder #aspd #aspd awareness #aspd traits #anons welcome

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