How did you let Shabiri gaslight you?

Oh, to be honest, gaslight is not a right term here! It specifically means manipulation that makes another doubt their own memories and perception, but I have a bad habit of also using it when the person got a (generally) right idea about something and someone makes them doubt this idea in favor of a way more detrimental one. The idea, not one's own ability to analyze and perceive! With that being said, what I mean is that Shabriri pushed me more to the 'bad' side of permanent existential dilemma. His words, and "philosophy" of Frenzied Flame in general, appeals both to the brand of despair contained within Soulsborne games and to my own despair.

We spend a lot of Elden Ring seeing suffering and oppression, consequences of "all that divides and distinguishes". The world is broken fundamentally. Greater Will doesn't know what it wants to do, but sought mortal plane to allow them to give it purpose and order. But no matter who takes up so much power, it will all just eventually lead to more misery and need to be destroyed and replaced with the new thing.. and that thing will also eventually collapse. And so on, and so on.

Yeah, Shabriri is the bad guy, sure. It is said that the FF sickness started with him, and now the world is cursed with the condition where if you get reasonably depressed you get linked with the mindless power that wants to undo the existence itself. But why Shabriri had the power to slander the Nomads to begin with? Who set the oppressive system that punished the "heretics" with being buried alive in motion? Certainly not Shabriri. His crime is a symptom of "all that divides and distinguishes", not the cause of it. And the world would've still be broken even if FF was never unleashed. Other endings are still questionable. Age of Fracture is just keeping the world broken as it is. Age of Duskborn and Age of Despair are effectively "swinging the pendulum the other side" and we all know it is pretty bad resolution, no matter how justified or expected. Age of Stars and Age of Perfecf Order remove the 'authority' over cosmic horrors that took the form of gold-colored magic in this world: Ranni removes it from anyone's reach and Goldmask makes it accessible to everyone equally. The problem is-

Yes, exactly lol Thank you, Brador! Who is to tell that now in this sort of anarchy, people won't again battle each other until new leader, new oppressive system arises and new kind of suffering and injustice is created? In the end, it didn't solve anything. People suffer under a leader, people suffer without a leader.

As for my personal experience? I am just thinking about this stuff a lot. ALL the time. As a neurodivergent person I've been experiencing the sense of any society I enter trying to remove me like a tumor on an otherwise healthy body early. Children and teens are naturally cruel to the 'odd ones', that's true, but did things really improve in adulthood, or just became more elusive, buried under layers of pretenses and lies? However, is not it reasonable?

Are social animals, ALL of them and not just humans, at fault for trying to preserve definition and customs of their community by excluding those that don't fit in it? We often claim that animals are innocent, but social ones do the same thing: they are not kind to those who are weaker, "useless" or just break the "rules". Nature itself is very ruthless: you are born with something off or lose it for reasons you could not control and you will not survive. Humans developed the ways to help disabled to adapt and survive, but somehow trapped themselves in the system where helping everyone is "not efficient". The opposite way to build the society, on the other hand, leads to stagnation and a different sort of oppression. Both capitalism and communism are built to get rid of those that don't fit into it, just different criteria of not fitting, and yet you can't trust humanity with anarchy.

But are those born different at fault for being this way? But hey, why do we live in the world where if someone could choose what way to be born as, they'd be inclined to fit the norm just to avoid more misery? But how community is preserved if there is no bar for who can belong in it? No matter how you are born - different or normal - both options are bad because you either suffer or cause suffering with your very existence. But don't normies also suffer when we "ruin" their experiences, systems and traditions by existing, but don't we cause suffering with our own existence? Trying to accommodate to everyone leaves world in stagnation and suffering and eventually some people get fed up and off to declare and exterminate the "enemy", NOT trying to do that causes misery, loneliness and deaths. Again, with people trying to overthrow it but all it does is makes pendulum swing. Happiness can only exist atop of neglecting and oppressing others, and if you ARE oppressed, your own way to happiness only lays through committing atrocities and learning TO oppress so is it worth it?

The problem is in how mind and feelings of everyone that lives work. There is some fundamental error in them, because they seek to harm each other and self, because freedom is dangerous but all control becomes too rotten and brings too many victims in the end. No matter who you are, being born into this world is on itself a curse. You'd think that civilisation and education would improve things, but have they? So far most of what I've seen humans do with knowledge about justice, decency, 'red flags' and abuse, bigotry and morality is to distort and misuse it to no end. They just invent new enemies and eat their own, there is never enough victims. Bigotry and evil is not rooted in ignorance, but in nature of life. Idiots do not become smarter when given knowledge, they just become dangerous idiots. So, is not evolving and not seeking knowledge and meaning better? But we already figured that animalistic drives are pretty evil and brutal too.

I respect Soulsborne for having all this, and much more, seen. I don't feel satisfied with the answers to this problem I tend to get from people, and I definitely don't believe that God who cursed humans for slipping under 100% control and threatens people with even more pain if they don't offer him their love is anything good to fall back on. But hey, the guy who rebelled against him doesn't have humanity's best interests in mind either! He is just waiting to pry on us, and humanity got no one. Being oppressed with fear or being a food for demons or wandering aimlessly without purpose? Choose your poison, there is no mercy except for death, and death is the one and only thing that makes everyone equal! Neither side cares for us, and not even we ourselves care for us. I am talking about both the games and real thing here, because Soulsborne is basically a big real world reference x)

I can only laugh it all off as "edgy teenager angst" for so long, but I am thinking about things like this every day. This post is just a tip of the iceberg because I can't spill my whole heart even if I want to, there is just.. too much stuff. More than all words in all languages could encapsulate. "Destroy all that divides and distinguishes, may Chaos take the world" however, is a good way to express the sentiment. It feels cathartic to say. Why not just end it all, if it's fundamentally broken? If the world is just a farm of suffering but deceptive with many beautiful things to hide its true ugly meaning? Although there were other characters delivering meaning of FF, Shabriri felt like the real manifestation of it, and fed that despair I already struggled it into winning.

Like I said, the whole 'picking FF ending to save Melina xD' flew completely over my head. For me it was about being convinced that just returning everything into primordial state of Chaos and singularity was better. And, again, conversation with Melina was so meaningful for this reason. Because there are enough of people that still agree to live in this world, even if wretched, and experience whatever they can. I'd argue that maybe wish to live itself is just something programmed in us to not let us avoid our given purpose to suffer and struggle, or cause suffering and struggle.. Still, I don't know that. Whatever I am looking for is not something logic or heart can help me with, because both comprehension and nature are insidious, fundamentally broken to turn on other humans and yourself. It is something that can't be identified and thus reproduced and shared, but whatever Melina said must have been connected with it if it made me stop believing in FF as the good thing. It could be about finding your own way, that can't be shared with others, but this means everyone else has the capacity to find their own way. In the end, no one has the right to take that chance away from them; not to spite God, not to end endless suffering, not for anything.

So I’ve been replaying Bloodborne and I noticed this castle in the distance of the Nightmare Frontier. I can’t get any better resolution so this is all I have for pictures.

Does anyone in the Bloodborne community have any speculation on what this is? Cut content? The Hunter’s Nightmare? Micolash’s vacation home? Please tell me what your thoughts are!

I really should stop beating myself up on being slow to finish art works I guess. My brain is so rotted with permanent depression that it struggles to produce enough chemicals to make me want to eat and shower, let alone creative labor! I think it's healthier to embrace the limitations and just go slowly at my own pace at this rate, especially since I won't even have any means to get bare minimum help for mental health in God knows how much longer

My short comic about Valtr, page 1.

Don't know what to call it yet.

Smoll doodle

@heraldofcrow I almost forgot the:

Val: *gives a valid gameplay advice*

me:

me: Sorry I didn't hear it, I was talking with some pyromancer guy in Firelink Shrine!

Val: Oh, you mean Laurentius? Is he like, asking you a question or something?

me: No, why?

Val: Really? Okay, nevermind then, you just might sort of lead him to his demise if he asks you where you got a chaos sorcery and you say yes!

me: Yeah, I see

Val: He will be like, "Oh I will go and figure something out" and then become Hollow, so just don't-

me: OHHH OKAY thank you for heads up, I'll just kill him after I exhaust his purchase and upgrades options, so he at least drops Humanity! What would I do without you XD

Val:

Val: Kat what is actually wrong with you 😔

me: SHUT UP I AM BEING PRAGMATIC!!!!

@val-of-the-north says that I am """mean""" because when I found out that the crestfallen knight went Hollow and attacked us, my instant knee-jerk reaction was "damn, wish I knew in advance so I'd kill him when he was still human and at least get a drop of Humanity out of this, what a waste" -_- 🙄🤦‍♂️

Why did you have to point out how this is what questioning the divinity/authority in a Soulsborne game that ruined everything feels like XDDDD ALSO WHY THIS STICKER LOOKS LIKE KIRK'S COOKING SKILLS GOT EVEN WORSE

"A young curious monk asks to the head of the monastery: "Teacher, how does Buddhism explain the growth of population in the world, if the soul is always getting reborn?" The wise man smiled and answered: "Shut the fuck up""

This is me when I ask LITERALLY ANY npc in Dark Souls about why the world is so fucked up. 💀💀💀

And then there’s Aldia, who info-dumps about it even when you didn’t ask hhggsh

”Doesn’t this fellow remind you of the Provost, Laurence?”

(Old snapshot of Gehrman during the school days with an owl. Laurence wrote the quote on the back of the photo. Pleasant memories).

For @fantomette22 <3

Formless Oedon

Diamond Firetail (Stagonopleura guttata), drinky drink, family Estrildidae, order Passeriformes, northern VIC, Australia

photographs by Rodger Parker

Australian King Parrot (Alisterus scapularis), family Psittaculidae, order Psittaciformes, Macquarie Pass National Park, New South Wales, Australia

photograph by Jono Dashper (@jonodashperwildlife)

maaan Bloodborne is probably my favorite game

Malenia, Blade of Miquella 🥀

Unharmed by the plague of beasts, I can even die human.

bloodborne doodles from march. i still need to finish this game