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riddlerosehearts · 4 months

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okay since i was obviously thinking a lot about the emperor's new groove earlier today, i'm just gonna say this even if nobody else cares: i really like malina. from the emperor's new school. and i like... her relationship with kuzco... sort of? and uh, this turned into a bit of an essay, so here's a tl;dr:

in my opinion the emperor's new school had potential to be a good sequel series, especially since it's actually pretty funny at times (mostly thanks to kronk and yzma), but instead it's an incredibly messy and inconsistent show which handles its main character poorly and constantly resets his development. malina on the other hand is a great character, and her dynamic with kuzco is also great sometimes and infuriatingly bad at other times. i like kuzco/malina in spite of all the Bad because their positive moments in the show are really endearing to me and i can see what the writers may have been going for with it. i have multiple headcanon universes where the way they met and the way their relationship started is completely different because the show made me so mad that it gave me an insatiable desire to fix it. i'm aware that this is stupid and silly but this is tumblr, where i can be as stupid and silly as i want. also, kuzco is bi. to me. <3

anyway. essay below the cut.

okay so here's the thing. i understand why people would think kuzco should've been gay and that he shouldn't have had a love interest in the emperor's new school. i have no problem with this at all and i do think it would've been very cool if the show didn't have any romance and malina was just a friend. however i like to headcanon him as bi and i did so even before i rewatched the show in 2021 (for pretty much the first time since it originally ended in 2008) and got invested in it. also, i have a million problems with the show, and malina and kuzco's relationship is at least 400,000 of them because i have such conflicted thoughts about it.

i should also say that just in case you're reading this and not aware, the emperor's new school (2006-2008) is a sequel series to the emperor's new groove which ran for two seasons on disney channel. the premise of it is that kuzco has to graduate from high school to become emperor, and if he fails then yzma, who also works at the school as "principal amzy" in a very thinly veiled disguise, will be next in line for the throne. kronk also masquerades as a high school student and works for yzma again, and in basically every episode they act out various schemes to try to stop him from graduating. kuzco lives with pacha's family instead of in his palace as he's been cut off from his royal funds, and malina is a classmate who serves as his friend and will-they won't-they love interest who finally gets together with him at the end of the show. i actually find the show pretty funny and enjoyable at times, particularly because of kronk and yzma, but i have a lot of issues with it outside of that.

malina herself is not a problem to me. she has a surprising amount of depth and focus in the series and is intelligent, hardworking, ambitious, assertive, and compassionate. she has her own dreams and goals that get to be fleshed out, she's an aspiring journalist/reporter and several episodes are dedicated to this. she's a great friend to kuzco, both because of how caring she is and because she takes absolutely no shit when he's not treating her right. she literally even calls him out for his internal monologue. she's a great character, and i honestly love her.

the problem is: the emperor's new school essentially reverts kuzco back to his personality from the beginning of the emperor's new groove despite being a sequel, and with malina it goes back and forth between him mistreating her and objectifying her and being called out for it, and their relationship showing positive development where kuzco treats her well and seems to have genuinely learned from past mistakes. we'll see him be honest with her about his worries, own up to his mistakes and admit when she's in the right, encourage her to let loose and have fun when she's being too serious for her own good, give her a thoughtful gift that shows that he listens to her and cares about her. in one episode she almost kisses him while under the effect of a love potion and he panics and stops her, saying it isn't right because she's not in control of her actions, and later when she asks him why he did that he says he wants her to like him for himself and not because of a potion. also to his credit is the fact that said love potion was unknowingly/unwillingly given to him by yzma and made any girl who looked at him fall in love with him, and while he did take advantage of this to go on a date with malina, in the end he knew exactly why letting her kiss him would've been wrong and didn't let it get that far.

but then, in between all of this and in little to no consistent or coherent order, we have kuzco constantly calling her a "hottie hot hottie" even though she clearly doesn't like it, trying to come up with a plan to get rid of yzma and one of the plans is just "put malina in a swimsuit", getting malina and kronk in trouble and not caring, not wanting to dance with her because he can't handle the fact that she has a single pimple, barely being able to accept no for an answer, and just being way too much of an asshole while also constantly flirting with her--and malina is always patient and understanding, but i don't recall a single moment in the show where she hurt kuzco's feelings and he was the one who had to be patient and show that he'd stick with her no matter what. and she did have flaws! she could be bossy and reckless and a bit hypocritical, and things could've been done with this to make their relationship more equal and show more growth on kuzco's part. also... a few episodes after the one where he explicitly laid out why he didn't want to use a love potion to make malina like him, there was another episode where he intentionally used a machine of yzma's to split every part of her personality into a separate person so he could date "smoochy malina", who was obsessively in love with him and who he ended up breaking up with because her obsession was too much and she wasn't herself anymore. this is one of many examples in the show of kuzco having to learn the same or a similar lesson multiple times.

it's all just... very frustrating because they have so many moments that are, to me at least, genuinely cute and show potential for a good dynamic, especially in season 2. i feel like malina's whole personality is, in theory, a great match for kuzco's in an "opposites attract" sort of way. and i believe she likes him because she can see the good in him and is able to relax and have fun with him, and that that is what the writers were going for. that's what we see on the occassion that their relationship is written decently. but because any and all development was constantly being reset, it made it too frequently seem like she just felt obligated to give him a chance because he constantly flirted with her. and also because at one point, when malina's friend yatta asks why she would have a crush on someone as selfish and smug as kuzco, she spends the rest of the episode trying to come up with a reason and what does she end up saying? "sometimes people don't understand their own feelings, they just feel them". ugh. there are several episodes where the plot boils down to "malina stresses out too much/is too uptight and kuzco helps her relax/lighten up" but instead of using that, she has to essentially say she doesn't know why she likes him, she just does?

all this to say, i guess, that i really really wish kuzco and malina's relationship had been written consistently well because when it was, it was good and had potential. unfortunately, more often than not, it was badly written largely because kuzco was badly written and never allowed to properly grow as a person all throughout the show.

and what i did with all of these conflicted feelings while i was revisiting the show back in september 2021 was, i took my frustration toward the majority of the emperor's new school and my enjoyment of certain elements of it, and i wrote down a ton of headcanons on how i would've fixed it. i already think the very premise of the show is nonsense (literally why would kuzco suddenly need to go back to high school?? why does he act like he learned nothing?? they even go back and forth on whether he's actually still the emperor or not), and there are several elements of it that undeniably break continuity with the movie. so i have an AU in my mind where literally none of that happens but kuzco and malina still meet a few months after the movie and, because malina doesn't believe that kuzco has actually changed, they keep encountering each other and having a petty rivalry for weeks before coming to an understanding and becoming friends.

i also have an AU where the entirety of the emperor's new school is, in fact, an in-universe show--which is somewhat supported by all the show's meta jokes and the fact that there's literally an episode where kuzco gets fanmail for the show. and in this AU, everyone is playing themselves in a heavily fictionalized version of kuzco's life. kuzco and malina are good friends who thought it would be hilarious if she played the role of his love interest who he had a ridiculously over the top obnoxious crush on, but then, oops, guess who developed an actual crush on her while filming!

and, even still, i have a bit of a fix-it AU where the show did happen because despite the premise being kind of nonsensical, i could've accepted it as long as it meaningfully expanded on kuzco's character development from the end of the emperor's new groove. if i were writing this show it would've been about how kuzco is trying his best to be kinder, to pass classes he never had to worry about before, to still keep up with royal duties, and be around people his own age and have something resembling a normal life for the first time, while also dealing with emotional distress and hidden insecurities and fears that stem from having had his entire worldview completely shattered by the events of the movie. his relationship with malina still could've had its ups and downs and when things went wrong because of his mistakes, he could've truly learned from that and made up for it. a tv series about kuzco going to high school really could've been so much better, been something that kids could've learned good lessons from and that might not have been mostly forgotten today.

obviously i know that none of my headcanons and AUs change the fact that the show is a mess and kuzco and malina's actual canon dynamic is a mess. and although i wish malina as a character wasn't so forgotten and the better aspects of the emperor's new school (which don't relate only to her--the series also contains a lot of sweet found family moments between pacha's family and kuzco!) also weren't so forgotten, i understand why they are. and maybe that's for the best. i feel like i lost so many brain cells watching this show and yet my remaining brain cells insist on spending way too much time thinking about it anyway.

#HELP this is so many words on such an incredibly niche thing and probably nobody else feels the same way about it #but i'm trapped in a love-hate relationship with this show and i've wanted to say something for so long 😭#so even if nobody reads this at least i'm getting it out here onto my blog #disney #the emperor's new school #the emperor's new groove

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prowerprojects · 10 months

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If it helps, I've also played around with the thought of Tails and Sage too. What the dynamic between the two would be going forward; if we get more interactions. (Plus, I like the idea of Tails being drawn to anomalies; him being one himself, out of curiosity at first. But then he develops a genuine bond with said anomaly.)

Also, I found it strange that outside of other mechanics like Eggman and Wave, Tails rarely interacts with other experts/intellects that challenges his brain or beliefs in different ways. Even for simple hobbies like trading cards, chess, mathematics, or video games.

It does help, thanks anon! I genuinely appreciate this ask.

I think... it would be such a waste for them to not have Tails and Sage interact, because I think they set it up perfectly in Frontiers. I think their character directions are similar. Learning how to be a person in a metaphorical (growing up) and literal (AI achieving Self-Awareness) ways. The way their creator/mentor's influence impacts them, and can they grow beyond it and who they'd be if they do. Ahhhhhhh *clenches fist* Sage straight up projects onto Tails at one point, this cannot be unintentional.

But also despite their similarities and Sage's respect for Sonic, I assume she will stay by Eggman's side, and then it would be interesting to see why, how does she justify his actions and how this contrasts with Tails's own morality and worldview. This could really be an opportunity for them to challenge each other as people.

Plus they're both highly intelligent and Sage has some kind of technopathy powers, which could be a great counter for Tails's mechanical skills, so they're matched there too.

It's just so obvious to let them interact again!

And yeah, I guess I'm embarrassed because while the dynamic has the potential to be interesting, it doesn't need to be romantic, and the embarrassment comes from the fact that I don't want to come off as a person that can only interact with the source material through shipping, or thinks that romantic relationships are more interesting or important than others.

But I'm also of the opinion that romance is rarely needed in general. When someone says that "X doesn't need a relationship", to me it carries the implication that there are people who do need it and would be incomplete without it or something? Which is something that I don't agree with. (Not that I want Tails amd Sage to be in a relationship either, it's something I don't really think could work out even when they're older)

It doesn't hurt anyone if they have little crushes on each other... Though I guess I was mostly focusing on the traits that would make them interesting rivals for each other rather than the reasons why they might like each other like that, but it's just the rivalry is something I want to actually see in canon, and the crushes are well. Just shipping (Though I do have reasons as well). One of the things that the romantic angle has to justify itself is it's unlimited comedic potential. Just imagine the reactions of their family/friends.

On the other point: personally I don't find it strange, mostly because of the fact that Tails rarely gets to have interactions with anyone who isn't Sonic or Eggman in general. The one time we meet a friend of his who wasn't previously affiliated with Sonic's friendgroup they end up being a university professor (who specializes in ancient texts).

If he was the main character, or got like any character focus at all, maybe it would have been weird, as it is we can only imagine that those things do happen, just offscreen.

#and just not really a lot of opportunities to showcase characters indulging in hobbies let alone challenge each other over them #and about beliefs... it does happen especially in interactions with shadow annd rouge but when was the last time we had those lol #Once again I genuinely appreciate this ask anon! Sorry if I misunderstood your second point a little.#tails #sage #need a tag for them that isn't shippy or 100% platonic #project.txt #project.ask #tails & sage #tailsage #discussion of shipping

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booasaur · 4 years

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Teenage Bounty Hunters - 1x07 || 1x08

#tbhedit #teenagebountyhuntersedit #teenage bounty hunters #sterling wesley #april stevens #luke creswell #maddie phillips #devon hales #spencer house #teenage bounty hunters spoilers #femslash related stuff #stepril #teenage bounty hunters 1x07 #teenage bounty hunters 1x08 #me sneaking in any chance to revisit the ep 7 kiss? more likely than you think!#I. LOVE IT so much #the way it suddenly turns this excruciating moment of panic on its head! a ship and a romance and a plot fulfilled #that's my favorite moment in any romance--when they realize it's mutual #and this was SUCH a good version of that #both so intelligent and aware and well developed characters with a well developed dynamic who know what they're getting into #combine it with another super favorite scene #where just as much as sterling's been focused on april she's been aware of sterling and is trying to shrink herself down to avoid attention #given her role in this little show being put on in front of the whole class

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molinaskies · 3 years

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Sonic's Next Emotional Arc: Skepticism and Doubt

IDW SPOILERS – Read up to the latest issue (41, at time of writing) or at least issue 40 before reading this.

I keep seeing arguments about how “Sonic and company don’t even seem impacted by the severe stakes of the Metal Virus and the pain they experienced.”

In the nicest way possible, that’s absolute cap. Here’s why:

When I first read Belle’s introduction in the Chao Races arc, I thought Sonic’s standoffish nature towards her (especially how he held his reservations through the following two issues) was out of character for him, but now, I think it makes complete sense (and is genius on the part of Evan Stanley).

Why?

Sonic was waiting for her to turn on him, just like how Mr. Tinker did.

I’ve spoken at length about Sonic’s emotional intelligence, so I would bet real-world money on the fact that Belle’s denial of her creator and her overall appearance clued Sonic in immediately – when he asked about who built her, he was referring to Tinker from the start.

Sonic’s friendly by nature, which is why he’s so chummy with her after Tails makes a case for her. The same idea goes for while they’re in battle, where Sonic’s attention and priorities are heavily shifted. Otherwise, however, notice how he’s crasser with her in his dialogue.

Note the distinct lack of apology from Sonic (by design; an explanation is not an apology and he knows it) and the elliptic pause.

Here, Sonic gives in rather begrudgingly, but his tone changes from actively defensive to teasing (a level down in Sonic’s defence mechanism – “a step above Eggman," I’ll call it), where he’s not comfortable really chatting with her but will riff off her, instead.

Once in the company of his friends, Sonic is more willing to keep her around, especially with someone else. Once again, when Sonic isn’t playing tour guide, his demeanor resets and… he’s confused; lost in thought until Amy requests his attention.

Here, note the realization within Sonic that Belle is here to stay, as well as his apology (with a distinct lack of an explanation – this is especially important).

Sonic finally accepts that Belle will be good for his friends and for their cause, but he doesn’t tell her (or anyone) his thoughts because 1) he senses that Belle 100% is in denial and isn’t ready to face certain facts (something Sonic, himself, is familiar with), and 2) he recognizes that he has no right to instill within Belle the same doubt he’s been living with since issue 1 (at an absolute minimum, too, given the history of this damn hedgehog).

Eggman, during the climax of the Metal Virus arc, has an amazing one-liner that sets up Sonic’s current emotional arc, in which Sonic won’t be so trusting of new faces and new situations. In the moment, Sonic tries to brush it off, but such little details – the retraction of his ears and his sweat – give his genuine discomfort away, because Eggman is right.

Sonic’s biggest desire of Eggman is for him to be a better person – something Sonic knows that Eggman is very seriously capable of, both through the existence of Mr. Tinker upon complete amnesia and by the historically significant grace periods that Eggman goes through to aid the greater good (Sonic Adventure 1 and 2, Sonic ’06, and Lost World, to name a few examples).

Side note: reread issue 23. Sonic is genuinely at his most desperate, and it's raw and painful and good. Easily a standout issue in the Metal Virus arc.

Sonic’s choice to spare Mr. Tinker is one he’s done nothing but defend whenever it’s been brought into the discussion, but in private, Sonic doubts his decision and feels immense guilt and responsibility for the losses his friends have seen and experienced to the Metal Virus.

Remember, too, that this comes nearly right after an approximate seven-month war that Sonic’s overzealousness (and subsequent defeat and capture) effectively started. We also see post-Metal Virus that Sonic seems significantly more protective of his friends compared to the start of the comic. He’s hyper-aware of his place in the world and in their lives, and he wants nothing more than to protect them – his somewhat-awkward, non-verbal communication of how much he adores them (Tails and Amy, especially).

Also, a very sweet detail here on the left: Sonic pushes Amy’s and Tails’ heads down to protect them from being waterboarded, and immediately, Amy goes to do the same for Sonic. Those two are so pure in their connection - whatever that means to you - and Amy is best girl (and y’all can @ me lol).

In a way, Sonic’s actions as of late have been the direct cause of a lot of very serious problems, and Sonic isn’t so ready to make another grave mistake. Belle was (and is) a living, walking, talking, and sentient reminder of what could be Sonic’s biggest regret and point of eternal conflict – the point of reflection in which he realized the absolute pain he put his loved ones through.

However, despite all of this, Sonic isn’t ready to give up hope. He’s changing his tactics up a bit, which shows his growing emotional maturity, but he still wants to believe that everyone can be good, that every problem can be solved, and that every person can be redeemed – including himself.

I want to share another excerpt from Japanese Sonic X. At the end of episode 38, after Sonic and Shadow save the planet from the falling ARK with seconds to spare before the point of no return and irreparable damage, this exchange between the president’s aid and the president’s driver (Sam Speed) occurs:

Sonic’s unparalleled optimism has been a core characteristic of his for a long time, and I really like how well the IDW comics have adhered to this fact while enabling Sonic to open up and be a teenager as it’s because of Sonic’s age and development that he experiences such waves of both optimism and doubt.

Sonic has never lived in a floating timeline. He’s grown and regressed and matured through every experience he’s had. He’s a thoughtful, dynamic, intelligent character who doesn’t take anything for granted. At least, not anymore.

(and people say nice things about him – LOL).

#long post #sonic the hedgehog #sonic #sth #sonic idw spoilers #sonic idw #emotional characterization #character analysis #mr tinker #eggman #dr eggman #dynamic characters #belle the tinkerer #miles prower #tails #Amy rose #ivo robotnik #peep the blog i do this kind of thing all the time :)

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questionablygourmet · 3 years

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Will and Hannibal: participation and transformation

An anon prompted me recently to talk about why Will fell in love with Hannibal, and I’ll rarely turn down an opportunity to wax rhapsodic about certain themes in the show, so here we go!

There’s a few key places where Will himself addresses the issue. The first one I want to mention is in Contorno, where Will says of Hannibal to Chiyoh,

We afforded each other an experience we may not otherwise have had.

The direct context of this is that they’re talking about violence and influence, but it’s true far more broadly than that, as is referenced many times over the course of Hannibal and Will talking with each other and numerous other characters - their relationship with one another is a unique experience to both of them, being known and understood and accepted in a way they’ve not otherwise encountered.

There’s a bit of commentary about this from Hugh that makes the rounds often enough that I’m not going to bother fishing up the direct quote, but to paraphrase, he says it’s like Will’s a chess master who’s never met another person in the world who plays chess, until he meets Hannibal. It’s not just about Hannibal being very intelligent, as most of the characters on the show fit that description, but Hannibal being specifically equipped to operate on not just the same level as Will does, but the same wavelength. To extend the metaphor, someone like, say, Alana doesn’t really play chess, but she’s an expert at Go. People who play chess and people who play Go might have plenty to talk about and appreciate about each other, but they’re not playing the same game, so they can’t play together, at least not equally.

This is something that we see starting to show itself even early in season 1 - Will’s initial standoffishness toward Hannibal rapidly dissipates as Hannibal shows that he’s not just another psychiatrist who wants to study Will, but someone who can understand and enjoy Will - his thoughts, his sense of humor, his company - as a whole human being and not just a “unique cocktail of personality disorders and neuroses” (thanks, Chilton). Of course this gets rather tragically undermined throughout season 2, initially by the bombshell betrayal of Will’s trust, and later as Will sees a pattern in Hannibal’s patient history via Randall Tier and Margot Verger, but even through Will’s seething anger and distrust, the dynamic persists. Even when they’re at odds, they speak the same language and connect to one another to an elevated degree.

(Incidentally, this is a really common - albeit not uniquely or exclusively - neurodivergent experience of deep love, be it romantic or otherwise.)

Continuing on that theme of both understanding and appreciation is a bit of a more esoteric discussion of different conceptualizations of love as represented in the show. In Shiizakana, Will has a dream where he kills Hannibal via stag-powered squishing, and in the dream Hannibal says to him,

No one can be fully aware of another human being unless we love them. By that love, we see potential in our beloved. Through that love, we allow our beloved to see their potential. Expressing that love, our beloved’s potential comes true.

This is a near-quote from Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl, which you could say both Will and Hannibal have diegetically read, since Hannibal gets to quote it in another scene in the waking world - “An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior” - or you could just say that Bryan Fuller has clearly read it and the characters don’t know they’re quoting something, but that distinction isn’t important here. What is important here is that it’s coming from Will’s mind and it’s indicative of some of his attitudes about love - in a vacuum, one could perhaps argue that it’s just indicative of how he thinks Hannibal thinks about love, but then in Secondo, he says, with almost painful sincerity to Chiyoh,

I’ve never known myself as well as I know myself when I’m with him.

I think this is a really succinct and potent re-affirmation of that concept of love-as-actualization/transformation (self and other), which goes hand in glove with Will and Hannibal’s shared anxiety toward their love as a bringer of violent change to the self. (Briefly, because s2-3 are positively brimming with relevant quotes, “Do you think you could change me, the way I’ve changed you?” “If you don’t kill him, you’re afraid you’re going to become him.” “We’re conjoined. Curious if either of us can survive separation.” etc)

And I think the reciprocal aspect here is also very important: I don’t think Will would have fallen for Hannibal, or at least not nearly so deeply and inescapably, if Hannibal hadn’t also fallen for Will in a very similar manner (though the specifics of how it develops for each of them differ). The mutuality of their otherwise-unique experience with one another is intrinsic to how special the relationship is, rather than incidental - to return to the chess metaphor, it’s not just that Hannibal understands the game of chess and can appreciate Will’s playing, but can and does play with him, which means he’s got his own pieces on the board and is responding to Will’s every move. Or, because I can’t resist hammering on a parallel motif when I see one, he’s a participant, not an observer.

#hannibal #hannigram #will graham #hannibal lecter #hannibal meta #meta #my meta #if i can keep my mental momentum there might be another essay #about representations of love in the show in general #there were some contrasts i was originally going to make here that i thought were interesting #but it was already super long by that point #and they weren't strictly necessary in the scope of the topic #BUT. LATER.#jack and bella and the murder wives deserve more than two rushed lines on the subject anyway

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darkcircles4lyfe · 3 years

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retrospective & predictions

Since we're on a hiatus week (between 320 and 321) I feel like waxing poetic about the depth and growth of bkdk for a bit. Especially because it seems like we’re right on the edge of their biggest development yet, I’m getting the urge to lay all my perspectives and insights I’ve picked up from others out on the table. This is ultimately only my subjective interpretation of subtextual material in canon, though. If you’ve never quite understood what people see in their dynamic and you’re actually open to hearing me out, maybe from this you can at least see where we’re coming from. And if you don’t like my takes after all, well, we’ll see who’s right in the coming chapters, won’t we? What I have to say can be taken platonically or romantically; I appreciate both.

putting it under the cut, since it’ll be long:

At the risk of projecting, I want to start by examining a couple things based partly on personal experience.

From many different directions, I often hear people expressing that Deku’s persistent attachment and admiration for Bakugou is baffling at best. Despite the bullying, despite Bakugou’s loud, rude, and uncompromising personality, he still puts effort into their relationship and frequently describes him as amazing. It seems like Deku himself is aware of this as he’s said things along the lines of how he’s difficult, BUT... etc. Although I don’t think it’s exactly that Deku finds Bakugou’s personality hard to be around, but that he’s deliberately expressing patience for Bakugou’s emotional turmoil.

I have to say I know what this sort of patience is like, as I went through it with someone I love. I only chose to put up with their behavior because I decided the possibility of what our relationship could be was worth it. I wasn’t blind or submissive to how they treated me, and I wasn’t coerced. I simply expressed myself and established my boundaries while still allowing them the opportunity to join me in my world once they got over their own hangups. And guess what? It worked out in the end. That doesn’t mean there aren’t circumstances where it’s better to cut ties, but I want to stress that true reconciliation is possible sometimes. I used to worry that other people around me thought I was delusional for seeking it, but what really helped was my therapist reminding me that I’m smart and strong. So I think Deku deserves to feel the same. In a way this is his whole mission in life, his approach to being a hero as well as his personal relationships.

Let me also be clear though that I don’t mean Deku is only tolerating Bakugou’s personality, his mannerisms, the parts of him that will likely never change. I’m drawing a line between those things and his emotional state (they so rarely align anyway, but I’ll get to that later). In fact, I think Bakugou’s general attitude is part of what Deku admires. This is gonna be hard to explain without inserting personal experience too, sorry. As a writer myself I’ve noticed I’m drawn to writing characters that are brazen and bold and don't mind telling people off. Really it’s because I operate in the world in the polar opposite way. I try not to draw attention to myself, I’m quiet, and I’m a people-pleaser. People who project confidence, especially in an impolite sort of way, fascinate me. It’s good to take cultural context into account, too: I've heard people who’d know better than me that part of the reason Bakugou is the most popular character in the Japanese fandom is likely because he contradicts a lot of their social norms. His disregard is refreshing and cathartic. I can speculate that Deku has a similar point of view based on what he thinks but does not admit about Bakugou being his image of victory and how this sometimes makes him mimic Bakugou’s speech and mannerisms:

There’s also the bit in this fight where Deku realizes he's the only one able to receive Bakugou’s emotions. This is because he’s the most intimately familiar with him and his situation, but I think there’s another layer. Deku, as we know, has a self-sacrificing tendency, and in the current chapters we’re seeing the worst side of that. But let’s also not forget that to an extent, it can be a positive trait: resilience. When it comes to Bakugou, he has an almost comical ability to dodge the potential fallout of his outbursts. The example we all jump to (and fight about..) is how in ch1, apart from the initial shock of Bakugou suggesting he jump off the roof, the most he reacts is to criticize him for saying such a ridiculous thing. However, I think their interaction post- sludge villain is a lot more interesting:

Note two things: 1, in his head, Deku is practically making fun of how Bakugou’s acting as he stomps away without waiting for a reply. It doesn’t faze him. 2, Deku thinks, optimistically, that he can now focus on a different career choice. This is astonishing really. Up to this point, none of Bakugou’s attempts to put him down have worked; he just kept pursuing his dream. The only reason Deku concedes in this moment it because for the first time, he has been shown that he really couldn't do anything in a fight against a villain. All Might told him he couldn't be a hero (although he’s literally about to take that back in the next few pages lol) and the other heroes at the scene gave him a lecture about it too. It was those experiences, and not Bakugou’s words, that truly affected him. And when All Might tells Deku he can be a hero after all, it’s not thinking of Bakugou’s bullying that makes him sob and fall to his knees, it’s the memory of his own mom never telling him those words he so desperately needed to hear. Having spent most of their lives together, Deku must have been aware all this time that Baukgou was influenced by larger societal forces rather than a core judgement, so he didn’t take it personally. He separated the person from the action, and because he’s resilient and patient, he is thus equipped to handle Bakugou’s emotions. It’s a testament to his maturity and emotional intelligence, really.

But I can almost hear some of you saying, “that doesn’t mean Deku should have to be the bigger person here!” Correct! Just because Deku is perfectly alright bearing all of that, doesn’t mean atonement-era Bakugou sees it this way. We can track his awareness of Deku’s care and selflessness as follows-

The bridge scene, when they’re little kids: Bakugou conflates Deku’s heroism with pity, and subsequently thinks Deku is looking down on him because Bakugou’s own insecurity makes him defensive.

The Sludge Villain, and also Deku vs. Kacchan Part 1: Bakugou witnesses first-hand how easily Deku jumps to risk his own life, but still thinks he’s being looked down on.

The Sports Festival: Bakugou fights Uraraka and recognizes her endurance strategy and refusal to give up as very Deku-like. He’s half right. He thinks Deku advised her in the fight, when in reality she just mimicked Deku because she admired him. I want to draw attention to his very sober comment about her not being frail. It’s a great endearment of Uraraka’s character and Bakugou’s respect for her when others didn’t take “fighting a girl” seriously, but it also reflects on his opinion of Deku. Deku isn’t weak either. He never was.

Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2: Deku finally corrects him about the whole looking-down-on-him thing, and Bakugou is informed that Deku’s selflessness is in fact the reason All Might chose him. Since Bakugou had been in search of what he himself was “doing wrong” for All Might to favor Deku over him, he now has to reconcile the fact that selflessness is a heroic trait, and moreover something he lacks. This is also possibly the first time Bakugou is able to see his past actions toward Deku as bullying since he previously thought it was more mutual. Additionally, Bakugou can now link Deku’s selfless behavior to what he perceived as pity/contempt, and realize that Deku has been giving him A LOT of grace. Maybe too much. Maybe more than Bakugou deserves, and definitely more than Deku should have to. Holy heck- now Bakugou has to figure out how to live up to all the faith that’s been placed in him.

Subtextually, we can see Bakugou’s feelings about atonement reflected in the Todoroki family:

1, Shouto is another example of Deku growing a friendship using his selflessness (since their fight in the sports festival) and their relationship is being acknowledged here where it hasn’t been in Bakugou’s situation. Perhaps Bakugou is wishing it could be so simple for him, to be able to thank him for being his friend like that. Deku saying the pleasure is all his also probably calls to mind how a mere apology from Bakugou would probably be dismissed because that’s just the kind of accommodating person Deku is. Bakugou has to operate more quietly in order to actually make up for their past. I personally don’t interpret this scene as Bakugou being jealous of Deku and Shouto’s friendship, exactly, just the lack of emotional baggage. Side note, Deku and Fuyumi are kinda similar in their desire to repair relationships. I like that she’s the one to give him some credit.

2, With the common terminology, this can be interpreted as Bakugou receiving a model for atonement, one that is about action, and nothing to do with receiving favor or forgiveness. It’s a sense of duty.

Many of the above sentiments are repeated in the flashback conversation between All Might and Bakugou right before Bakugou’s sacrifice.

Bakugou acknowledges his bullying and that it happened because of his own insecurities, but aside from that, it’s interesting he neither confirms nor denies All Might’s suggestion that he’s trying to atone, or that Deku doesn’t see it that way. All Might is a bit of an unreliable mentor sometimes, but I don’t think he’s misreading here. Rather, Bakugou is displaying his tendency to hold back when talking about things that would make him really emotional. Besides, admitting to what he’s doing kind of defeats the purpose. He isn’t seeking acknowledgement. All Might has gotten to the crux of the issue here when pointing out that Deku doesn’t recognize the atonement, likely because Deku doesn't think Bakugou even needs to atone. Am I reading into it too much to say Bakugou looks wistful at this? It’s kinda frustrating sometimes trying to interpret Bakugou’s actions because he’s so paradoxical. Loud and in your face, but also extremely reserved. Sometimes I feel like I’m grasping at thin air, but hey, being hard to figure out is part of his intrigue as a character. The simplest way to look at him is to assume that unless he’s really showing vulnerability, he’s probably deflecting and hiding something.

Speaking of Bakugou’s tendency to to hold back emotional stuff, there’s his apparent lack of issue with Deku calling him Kacchan. Maybe to begin with, in his warped perception of things where he thought they hated each other, Bakugou saw it as Deku’s way of getting back at him for calling him “useless,” and didn't dare give any indication that it actually bothered him. However... consider how betrayed Bakugou has appeared when he was noticeably thinking Deku was looking down on him- the bridge scene, and the beginning of their first year at UA when he thought Deku was hiding a quirk all along. He looks shocked and hurt. That kind of emotion couldn’t be invoked by someone Bakugou didn’t actually care about his relationship with. “Kacchan” comes from a long time ago, before their relationship was strained, so it’s connotations are pure. Maybe somewhere deep down, Bakugou has always been hoping that Deku’s continued use of the nickname was not simply a matter of habit or teasing, but a vestige of friendship they’re both clinging to, and Bakugou himself was too afraid to admit to himself that he felt this way about it, so he mostly ignored it. (These are not original thoughts I am having here lol, this is a common interpretation. I’m just laying everything out like I said.)

And now we turn to the current situation. Personally, I’ve been looking frantically back and forth between them wondering who’s going to break down first (Deku vs. Kacchan Part 3, this time it’s just a fight to get the other person to cry? ha.) Both have looked like they’re approaching a breaking point for some time. Also, I’ve addressed this before, but I think it’s significant that Bakugou is no longer wearing his mask with his hero costume, in contrast to Deku recently donning his own. It feels symbolic of Bakugou about to be upfront about how he feels.

The question is, what is it going to take to get Deku to accept help? If you ask me, Deku has dug himself so deeply into the I’m-doing-this-for-everyone-else’s-safety-and-smiles hole, no common sense argument can possibly reach him. By the end of 320, Deku’s mask is off, and we can see how desperate he truly is. But he has not cried, yet. I predict we’re going to see a bit more of his defiance, this time on full display on his face as the remaining class members and his other friends take their turns. But then I think Bakugou has to be the one to break down so Deku can witness his actions having the opposite effect he intended. People have been pointing out that Deku is currently ignoring Bakugou, and oof, that’s gotta be intentional. Regardless of what Bakugou says, it’s going to be wrapped up not only in his understanding of Deku’s self-sacrifice, but also the betrayal Bakugou feels at being ignored/left behind that ironically echoes his previous perception of being looked down on, as well as a need to express how much he cares about Deku before it’s too late. He must show that the two of them are inseparable because they both act to save each other without thinking, and both feel like losing the other would be like dying themselves. All Might may have been right when he told them they could learn from each other after Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2, but he didn’t fully realize that idea by making sure they stuck by each other for support and balance.

I can’t wait to see what it’ll be like when they do finally get to that point, totally in synch and in tune with each other. They’ll be a powerful force no one is quite prepared for. Who knows when that will be, or even which chapter will be their big showdown, but I know the day is coming.

To speculate even further, I think the 2nd user is going to be really important really soon. And no I don’t mean to suggest that the 2nd user is Bakugou. But I do think their resemblance is key. Okay this is gonna be convoluted...

See how 2nd is the only one still standing? I think that’s symbolic of him withholding his quirk. Deku may not even know what it is at this point, let alone have unlocked it. Given that 2nd approves of Deku’s strategy at this point, it seems odd for him to withhold his quirk based on lack of faith. I think if his quirk was something that would help Deku in combat, he would have shown it to him already like the others did. So what if those gauntlets of his are support items that are meant to make up for his lack of a combat-oriented quirk, rather than to augment it? Mind you, I still have no idea what his mysterious power might be, but I’m dead set on it not being explosion-y. Regardless, I think 2nd looking like Bakugou is more about aiding some grand visual parallel, so! You know how 2nd and 3rd were probably intending to do away with Yoichi but 2nd changed his mind as soon as they made eye contact? This is really a long shot, but I wonder if 2nd’s quirk has something to do with that exchange. Maybe it’s something psychological, or some 6th sense about people he meets. So... in that way 2nd’s quirk could play a role in bkdk reaching a deeper understanding? Idk! But it could be significant at least that 2nd left Yoichi’s question about why he reached out to him unanswered.

One more thing- while I was gathering screenshots I found this. I think “you’re the last one I’m telling” might be foreshadowing for Bakugou revealing his hero name to Deku and it being a Big Deal:

As for other lingering threads in the overall plot right now, such as the UA traitor, Stain, whatever Tsuyu is apparently about to do, All Might’s car maybe in the background of the last page of 320... man I have no idea. All I know is there’s literally 320 chapters’ worth of build-up to this confrontation that can’t be interrupted.

See you next week <3

#phew that was a lot #I just wanted to show how things are aligning #I know a lot of this has been said #bnha manga spoilers #bnha 320 #bnha 321 #mha #bakudeku #bkdk #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bnha meta #lin speaks

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serpentargo · 3 years

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we talk about funny and domestic things we want in captain america 4/tfcaatws season 2, and i actually posted some of those myself, but now i want to share what i am really looking forward to see in this movie/series (if there ever will be one - still no confirmation from marvel, but we know how secretive they are, so everything is possible)

i want captain america 4 to develop sam's arc more. we have seen his family, understood his personality, how he communicates with people. we got to see his pure heart, how understanding he is, we saw how emotionally intelligent he is when it comes to dealing with people and problems: sam didn't go straight to recklessly fight - instead, he went to talk with someone that could kill him right there. we listened to his amazing speech. sam is everything captain america needs to be, he literally is captain america in every sense of the word. we now know who and what captain america is.

but we don't know sam wilson. we don't know his past, we don't know his parents, what kind of a person riley was to him. we don't know why sam wilson is sam wilson, because we know nothing about his past that made him him. we don't know what we don't know. the audience is aware of the fact that riley was so important to sam that he retired after his death, but we don't know why and how important he was. was it a friendship? something more? we know his parents' boat was so important to both sam AND sarah, but we know nothing as to why. sam is a veteran, it and his other experience in life implies that he has psychological problems. him helping others and having his own problems are things that can coexist. i want whatever sequel there will be to tfatws to discuss these topics.

we know that bucky has ptsd and other mental problems, but we don't know why he decided to stay, even after steve told him he was going back. even if steve wasn't directly asking bucky to come with him, he had every possibility to ask steve if he could go with him. and i'm 98% sure steve would've said yes. but bucky didn't, and we don't know the reason. we know bucky is suffering, but we don't know what's crossing his mind, how long he is having these mental problems, what exactly is behind them, how bad they are.

we have no idea what sam's and bucky's thoughts are. some may say 'this is a movie, how are we gonna know their thoughts anyway?' - through dialogue. because we've seen how easily bucky and sam talk and are open to each other, if this dynamic of such a close relationship between them will continue (either platonic or romantic, you have to admit that canonically, they are close), i want this sequel to show us both their thoughts and the close bond they have with one another. we never saw sam break down, we know almost nothing as to what both of them are going through internally - but we have dialogue which can demonstrate us all of the things i mentioned above.

i know marvel is famous for its genius action movies, but this time, i want to see less action - more of real people and their problems. we know damn well how good they [sam and bucky] are at fighting, and we know it's a 2 hour movie, which is not that much. so you either do a great action movie, or a great character development.

this is long and has some tautology in it, but these are my thoughts i've been having for a little while now, so here i am - sharing them

#tysm if u read all of it #i love u :)#tfatws #sam wilson #bucky barnes #marvel #james bucky barnes #samuel thomas wilson #samuel wislon #tfatws season 2 #captain america 4 #caatws #sambucky

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j-amespotter · 3 years

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★ the last great american dynasty - s. b.

“i had a marvelous time ruining everything.”

Pairing: Sirius Black x Muggle-born!Reader

x. x. x.

Summary: A one-shot diving into Sirius’s complicated relationship with Grimmauld Place and where the Muggle-born he falls for fits in.

Genre/Warnings: angst, emotional abuse, alcohol, language, mentions of death & war

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: so.. this is more of a character study on sirius & his dynamic with his family – i know this song is meant to be about a woman but it also screams sirius to me. i’m a sucker for romance so it’s a reader-insert. fun fact, i was almost done writing this when i realized i wanted it to be a wolfstar fic, but i was too lazy to change it, so just putting that out as a concept lol. let me know what you think & if you’d like me to tag you in future works!!

masterlist

When Sirius first showed signs of his rebellious nature, Walburga wasn’t worried. After all, many children were incapable of sitting still in large gatherings, mouthing off to their parents, or incessantly teasing their younger siblings. “He will be kept in good company. He will learn,” Walburga would say to her husband. He often exasperated her, but there was no denying her immense pride. Despite his antics, even at a young age, Sirius displayed impressive magical ability and had a commanding presence – excellent qualities for the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.

She worried only a little when he preferred to spend time with Andromeda, who was clearly becoming disillusioned with their family values, and Alphard, who Walburga believed was beginning to get a little too soft. Still, the Blacks were not raving lunatics. They were traditionalists, committed to upholding the high standards of Wizarding society. Sirius would not defy them, not when the weight of their bloodline rested on his shoulders, not when Regulus would never be able to stomach such responsibility.

On his first night at Hogwarts, Sirius didn't write home. It wasn’t until the morning after that Narcissa delivered the dreadful news to her mother. Walburga’s sister-in-law relished discussing this most recent embarrassment, as the family’s attention was now off her daughter’s courtship of a mudblood. Young Sirius, their direct heir, was sorted into the House of Muggle-lovers and blood traitors, into the House of Godric Gryffindor.

Blown apart by this development, Walburga turned to her younger son. She had no intention of repeating her mistakes and resolved to train him for the responsibility that should have belonged to her eldest. That way, if she was unable to correct Sirius’s behavior, she had back-up. Her legacy was secure.

During every subsequent holiday, she noticed that the damage was getting more-and-more irreversible. Sirius unabashedly consorted with infamous blood traitors and pathetic half-bloods. He seemed to dread seeing his family as much as she dreaded seeing how much of him she had lost. She tried; no one could say she didn’t. But she was too stern with him. He had inherited his flexibility, or lack thereof, from her. She pushed him too far away. Soon, he stopped returning home for Christmas. When he was sixteen, she spat at him as he closed the door to Number 12 Grimmauld Place one last time, without sparing her a final glance.

He never expected he would have to return. Offering up the property to the Order seemed like a good idea at the time – he hardly put any thought into it. That was how he made most of his decisions. His track record certainly proved so. When Remus didn’t have anywhere to stay, and neither did the newly-reformed Order of the Phoenix, Sirius knew that his family estate in London was not just their most ideal option, but also the only one they had.

He managed to enter undetected in his Animagus form with Remus. He had to hand it to fate – there were no extra security measures to keep him out. It was as if she anticipated his arrival. Swallowing, he absorbed his surroundings. Despite the eerie silence and decomposing furniture, it looked like an image straight from his memory. Sirius suddenly felt sixteen again.

What he did not expect to see, however, was a currently-sleeping life-sized portrait of Walburga Black in the hallway. Though now in his human form, Sirius growled inadvertently. She knew. She always knew that he would come back. She wanted to be there when he did. Unbelievable, he thought to himself.

Aware of Remus’s wary gaze on him, Sirius walked forward and began pulling on the frame. “Get off, you hag! Remus, help me get this off!”

Remus went to join his old friend in what seemed like a fruitless mission in his mind but came to an abrupt halt when the portrait, disturbed by her son’s grunts, awoke in a flash of fury. “Filth! Scum! Abomination of my flesh! You are no son of mine,” portrait-Walburga hissed.

“Shut up, just shut up!” He had not heard her voice since he was near a Dementor, reliving the worst of his teenage years. The visual made it much, much worse.

“Permanent Sticking Charm, it seems…” Remus said to appease his friend, pulling the withering velvet curtains over its towering frame with all his strength.

“This is torture,” sighed Sirius. “Maybe we can find another place.”

Remus refused to meet his eye. “For now, it is all we have, Sirius. If it was going to be a problem, you should not have offered it to Professor Dumbledore.”

Sirius frowned. “It’s all I’m able to do this time around. It’s not like I can go around trailing Death Eaters and infiltrating the Ministry with everyone else.”

“Hopefully, it’s only temporary,” assured Remus, though he was equally as uncertain about Sirius’s fate as a fugitive. “Try not to let this place get into your head, okay?”

Sirius Black was never good at keeping promises. He had three-and-a-half decades of evidence to back that up. In the weeks following, the Order settled in, consisting of many highly competent Aurors, half-a-dozen Weasleys, and an ex-Death Eater he could do without seeing. Sirius found himself never too far from alcohol, itching for more access. He longed to see Harry and to get away from his wretched house-elf, along with the constant, stinging reminder of his mother's existence.

But there was something else inside of him, something he couldn’t describe. It was an emotion that was egging him on. He felt it inside of him every time Kreacher muttered complaints about wandering red-headed blood traitor brats. It swirled in his stomach when his mother shouted scathing insults at the clumsy half-blood and filthy half-breed that took temporary refuge in the former pure-blood paradise.

Then she came.

She was new. She worked at the Ministry; many of his houseguests were incredibly fond of her. He recognized the innocence in her eyes. It was the same innocence that he had when he first joined the Order seventeen years earlier. It was the same innocence that differentiated every new member from every returning one – they had yet to see tragedy in its fullest form.

“Hello,” she greeted. She seemed strangely unperturbed by the fact that she was in the presence of an alleged mass murderer. “I’m (Y/N). I’ve been told this is your house. Thank you for playing host.”

“My pleasure,” responded Sirius. Involuntarily, he reached for her hand and kissed it. Suddenly, he became painfully aware of his hollowing cheeks, untamed hair, and liquor-infused breath.

She flushed slightly at the gesture. Black family habits die hard. Just because he chose to refrain from practicing them did not mean he had forgotten, nor did it mean that he wasn’t any good at them.

Walburga Black’s portrait watched her son fall in love with her. Sirius watched her watch him. There was no telling how she would react. Regulus was dead – it was up to him to preserve their family’s name and purity.

(Y/N) was witty and flirty and incredibly intelligent. He found himself feeling a decade younger as he enjoyed their banter and her overall easiness. Before long, she kissed him in his dimly-lit pantry, and he was too selfish to stop her. They would kiss in every corner of the house, hardly caring that anyone was watching, ignoring the ghosts living within the walls. For Sirius, (Y/N) was his greatest act of defiance. She was born to non-magic parents. As narrated by a disgruntled Kreacher to his now-helpless mistress, she was nothing but a “filthy mudblood.”

One night, weeks after the children departed for Hogwarts and the house was, as on most days, empty, he caught her staring at the Black family tapestry. Without making a sound, he inched behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Hello, beautiful,” he whispered, pressing a kiss on her shoulder. “Sickle for your thoughts?”

She leaned into him. As the days went on, she would tire easily. Still, she found happiness in Sirius as he did with her, and they both were old enough to know to reach for it in any capacity they got. “It’s nothing. It’s stupid. Let’s get to bed.”

“As much as I’m a fan of that idea,” he started with a smirk, “you look upset. Is it work? Fudge?”

“No, nothing like that.” Her fingers traced his blasted name on the wall. She looked thoughtful. “I’ve just… noticed something about you.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“The way you look at your mother.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Well, it’s no secret that I hate her. I hope that’s not off-putting. You’ve seen what she’s like – it was worse when she was alive. I promise I’m a gentleman in general circumstances… for the most part,” he added cheekily.

She smiled tightly. “No, I get it. It must be terrible for you, being back here.”

“It is,” he affirmed. “I’ve got you, though. You make me happier than anything, love.”

“That’s the thing,” she uttered as if it pained her. Sirius could stare at her fiery expression for days on end. To be on the receiving end was strange. “I can’t help but think that you’re only in love with me to spite her. Like your feelings aren’t love, they’re just a culmination of your hatred for her.”

It took Sirius an eternity to process what she just said. Realizing that he was not going to say anything, she continued. “Believe me, I know you hate it here. But at the same time, you look so… satisfied. You’re hosting a bunch of blood traitors, half-bloods, and a werewolf in this place that was once the pinnacle of blood purity. You’re providing a haven against the bloody Dark Lord. And worst of all, you’re with a mudblood.”

“Don’t call yourself that,” interrupted Sirius harshly.

“It’s the truth. If you weren’t in this position, would we even be together?”

“Of course,” said Sirius. To answer this question, he didn’t even have to think. “I love you because you’re you. You’re beautiful and smart and make me laugh until my stomach hurts. You’re so good with Harry and you can put anyone in their place. You make me feel new again… God, that’s fucking sappy, but it’s true. I indeed hate this place and I hate her but… but if I let her dictate my choices, even when she’s bloody dead, then she’s won. I don’t want her to win. If I was only with you for your blood status, then I would be no different from my mother.”

She stared up at him, her eyes betraying a wave of emotions. She reached up to kiss him, tangling her fingers in his hair. “Thank you for saying all of that. Just hold on for a little while, alright? Soon, we’ll be out of here. We can have our own house – you, me, and Harry.”

He smiled at her sadly. It seemed too unreachable of a goal to him at the moment. “By the beach?” “Wherever you’d like,” she answered, leading him to his bedroom, his only sanctuary in the horrible house.

As they made their way towards the stairs, Sirius glanced at the tapestry over his shoulder, at the seven generations of Blacks behind him. He gently squeezed (Y/N)’s hand. For the first time in his entire life, he felt the weight of carrying his name lift off him. He’d done his part to corrupt his bloodline. It was time for Sirius to focus on himself in a way that the shadows of his past never allowed him to, even in his schoolboy days with James. Being a Black was a part of who he was, and even a disowned Black deserved his long-overdue happiness.

Tagging: @strawberriesonsummer

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sokkagatekeeper · 3 years

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[parallel originally pointed out here]

it goes back to book one the way aang, katara, and zuko are set up to be the main thematic triad of the show, all three of them sharing the qualities of being idealists at heart, generally guided by a strict moral code they impose upon themselves, impulsively heroic at times to the point of naivety, and the belief that they have a great destiny to fulfill, for better or for worse. all of them have a certain legacy, a certain chosen one-ness to them, whether they are aware of the fact the entire time — aang as the avatar and the last airbender; katara as the last southern waterbender — or they have an idea, but aren't aware of the full picture until later on — zuko's legacy from both sozin and roku.

a triad is, of course, not made out of the dynamic of three characters together, but rather the individual pairs, then the function them three manage to balance out. in other words, it does not work like a/b/c but rather a&b / a&c / b&c. aang and zuko share, among many others, the weight of a crucial mistake they made in the past and are desperately trying to fix — mistake that, eventually, leads them to fully become the person they were meant to be; the meaning of identity as what you choose to be every day. zuko and katara share the most intense part of the triad — the rage and grief and anger, as well as the faith, hope, willingness and passion that comes with being a hero; they are the emotional fuel, the drive. aang and katara share the most intimate part of the story; of being a child, and a victim, and standing up despite and maybe because of this — both child survivors of genocide, finding solace in each other as each other's first and best friend, and as a grounding prescence in the midset of the cruel reality of war. when all three different dynamics are combined, you finally get the thematic triad — the three characters that embody the themes and values the show intends to portray and represent. the three of them are indoubtedly the heart of the show, and this is made clear throughout the entire first season. katara as the narrator of the story, aang as the protagonist, zuko as the deuteragonist (as well as antagonist, but in terms of primary titles the deuteragonist always comes first.) they are the most important characters, the basis for every other character that comes after, etc etc.

then there's sokka.

i like to think of sokka as the fourth part of the thematic triangle. he is not essential in the way aang, katara, and zuko are in theory, but he is still immediately established as a main character throughout the first book and accordingly developed in later books 2 and 3. and it works wonders, because while sokka's designated role of the comedic relief character would generally be considered enough to make him a main character, sokka is everything aang, katara, and zuko are not. i'd go as far as to say his entire character is contructed this way.

where aang and katara and zuko are idealists at heart, sokka's pessimism/skepticism is able to protect them from a possible threat their story-structured minds might have not been able to predict, for it might not fit the narrative they construct as it fits the reality of disaster that sokka is very much aware of — which is not to say that aang, katara, and zuko do not know the harsh realities of war, two of them being genocide victims and one of them being pretty much a war veteran, but merely to point out that they believe that somehow, everything will turn out exactly as it has to be above all, while sokka... doesn't, and he approaches every situation as such.

where aang, katara, and zuko are all some sort of chosen one and often act and think according to it, sokka does not have a great destiny to fulfill nor he believes in destiny as a concept. sokka is — self-admittedly — just some guy. the avatar's friend, the last southern waterbender's brother, the son of the chief, etc etc. his strength comes from his unique way of approaching things, his creativity and intelligence and most of all his identity as fundamentally, no one. sokka grew up to believe he was disposable in comparison and he actively worked — possibly even unconsciously — to be important, to be valuable, to be necessary. he was not born great, but achieved greatness, as one might say. the weight of being no one and having to work to become somebody contrasts beautifully with aang's and katara's and zuko's and even toph's inherent specialness, especially mixing up with aang's and zuko's concept of becoming who you are meant to be because of your choices.

where aang and zuko value human life above all else, and katara will never turn her back on people who need her, sokka is never afraid to get a little dirty when he wants things to go his way, or when there's simply more important things for him to worry about. sokka has what i like to call the practical murder syndrome, not necessarily as murder — though he does quite a lot of those and is willing to let zuko, ultimate deuteragonist extraordinarie, die in a blizzard, simply because it's convenient for them at the moment — but also as the way he's not willing to go out of his way to help every wretched village they come into contact with (see: the painted lady). sokka has his moral code, surely, and he has his limits, but while aang's morals, katara's morals, zuko's morals persist through war, pain, and punishment, sokka's morals are shaped by these concepts. this brings a certain balance to the text, to the group dynamic of the gaang, to the main cast in general, and it helps broadening the audience's perception and objectiveness as well. (see: katara is the narrator, and we mostly perceive the first part of the show and most of her relationship with sokka solely through her lens, but in reality sokka was more right than wrong, and that doesn't mean katara was wrong, either. once you watch the show twice, thrice, and you begin watching it objectively, sokka's motivations and general characterization becomes clearer, and makes more sense, despite opposing katara's point of view in so many ways.)

finally, where aang and katara and zuko are impulsively heroic, sokka is a chronic planner and organizer — while katara and aang are focused on fighting the firelord as an idea, sokka worries about how they will fight the firelord, and plans an entire invasion to give aang the window of opportunity to strike the final blow. while aang wants to fight off the fire nation as his duty as the avatar asks of him, sokka knows he's in no condition to fight, and in any case, there's still no need for him to waste his energies in a fight just yet. while katara wants to help people and fight for what's right, sokka needs to remain focused on the big picture, and when this doesn't do anything for katara's heroic nature, sokka offers an elaborate plan to make katara's bringing-of-justice as doable and safe as possible, for everyone involved. while zuko wants to defend his people against the injustices he knows he could have committed in another time, as his first instinct is always help them out, it's always this isn't fair, they deserve better than this, exactly the way he did it when he spoke against the massacre of the 41st division, sokka has to physically restrain him from making the same mistake zuko made at thirteen. because it's not that sokka cares less, but he knows when to care, and the way to do so as safe as possible — sokka is always planning things ahead, one might even say he overthinks, because albeit with a good reason, sokka is, at heart, kind of a coward. he's always tiptoeing between logic and reason, and outright paranoia. he is right to be a coward most of the time, because he knows bravery is a privilege, bravery comes with a price. he is right to be a coward because aang, katara, and zuko are not, and they are right, too.

sokka manages to perfectly balance the thematic triad of the show and its individual double dynamics possibly accidentally and on his own, giving the show its own taste of sokka's arc of broadening perspectives about the world and the people in it. the same way sokka is able to offer the logic and reason heroism often lacks when needed, aang and katara and zuko's idealism and heroism affects sokka in its own way, helping him to let go of this self-critical overthinker who often commits self-sabotage, to become some sort of unconventional hero himself — achieving this balance, undoubtedly makes sokka the fourth part of the thematic triangle.

#iv #i've has this concept in my mind for so long #literally years. sokka was just Something Else you know #sokka #sokka&thegaang #aang&sokka #sokka&katara #sokka&zuko #i am NOT biased enough to tag this beautiful analysis of mine in a shippy way but. just know that i could. i could!!!#atla #n #aang&katara&zuko #< i KNOWW i said aang katara sokka was my favorite triad but i was lying to myself. i was lying!!!#so i'm finding an excuse to use this tag and the excuse is [checks notes] the entire analysis i just made about them. i just keep winning #Yes sokka is my favorite character Yes i would love to hear hours and hours of the interactions between a triad that does not involve him!!#in my defense it was meant this way!!! i am simply. not doing the death of the author today #analysis #01 #long post

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bryanlyon · 3 years

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Thoughts on Adastra

Disclaimers:

1. This is going to have spoilers for the entirety of Adastra, as well as marked spoilers for Echo and The Smoke Room. Not sure why you'd read an Adastra analysis if you haven't read Adastra, so this shouldn't be a deal breaker.

2. I'm not gonna do that weird bullshit people do in analysis where they just summarize the entire plot. Again, the audience of this analysis is people who have read Adastra, so a summary doesn't add anything.

"Ad astra" is a Latin phrase meaning "to the stars". Sometimes it was used literally, to mean something going up or even potentially going into space, and sometimes it was used metaphorically to mean something going to greatness. It's either a beautiful coincidence or a genius move by Howly, writer of Adastra, that the most common English phrase with "to the stars" is "I love you to the stars and back", whereas Latin phrases are mostly used in modern day by neo-nazis.

Intentional or not this reflects the main thing Adastra is about: a character who has been taught not to love trying to become better, and a society that is deeply ingrained in fascism trying to become better. Focus is also placed on the way these two things relate to each other: an Amicus who becomes increasingly loving and open is more capable of making a more progressive and free society, and a more progressive and free society enables characters to become more open and loving.

This is demonstrated well by the differences and similarities between Amicus and Cassius with their pets. Both of them have a pet who is a sibling or sibling level intelligence, but Cassius, constantly needing to perform strength to build towards a fascist state, has a strained, abusive, master/slave relationship with his pet. Amicus has the opposite kind of relationship. In line with his progressive ideals for the world, Amicus tries as best as he can within their system to treat Marco like an equal, and even gives Marco choices and requires his consent to do anything with him (SIDENOTE 1).

In this way Adastra is very comparable to The Wall by Pink Floyd to me. We see the way the political and personal affect each other, and one side is clearly presented as the better option (in both cases, a more progressive and liberal society, and a more caring and open personal life). Where Adastra stands head and shoulders above something like The Wall is in the additional commentary on society it gives while saying this.

Adastra does something I greatly appreciate in art: extremely not subtle metaphors and symbolism. The siblings have a rivalry between each other because each of them wants to impress the parents more than the others. One of the key methods they use to do this is having children, which they see not as people, but as workers and status symbols to impress their parents and outdo the other siblings. Eventually one of the siblings realize that their goal never should have been to impress the parents, but to better themselves. After realizing this they begin to cooperate with the other siblings, treat the children like people, and urge the other siblings to do the same. This is all so on-the-nose that I don't think it needs any explanation.

What might need explanation is the Other. If it weren't for the stylization of always capitalizing Other I'd think it was a coincidence. Because they stylized it like that, I can say with certainty this is a reference to Hegelian philosophy. In Hegelian philosophy the Other is a part of the Other-Self dialectic. The Other is things outside of ourselves and the Self is things within ourselves. The dialectic is the process by which we integrate things outside of ourselves to become better people.

Where I'm almost certain Howly is familiar with the concept from is pop-philosopher Slavoj Zizek. Zizek argued that this concept should be applied on a societal level when it comes to diversity. He says that where conservatives are at fault is that they don't want to integrate the Other at all, and where liberals are at fault is that they remove the Other from its Otherness (that is, they want people who are different to lose the parts of themselves that make them different in the first place).

Adastra's supernatural entity called The Other is treated by societies the same way the Hegellian Other is treated by them. The Khemians have been learning about The Other and how their society can adapt for it for a long time, whereas Adastrans don't even consider The Other until Amicus becomes emperor.

I can't say much more about this theme until we're further into the sequels, as what The Other is and what it does is yet to be seen, but stay tuned for that!

Lastly, I don't think it can or should be ignored that Adastra presents itself as a porn game. The game has several illustrated sex scenes, the main initial draw of the game is Amicus' fat cock, and everyone I know who played the game found it initially because they saw Haps' porn account on Twitter and thought his art was really good. There's nothing wrong with this! It's totally in line with the game's themes that the game itself is totally aware that, to some degree, it's a porn game, but it also tries to be much more than just a porn game.

Adastra can't be removed from its origins in the furry subculture. The furry subculture is an oft ridiculed and looked down upon loose group of people who are largely queer, largely counter-culture, largely ultra-progressive, and who like talking animals. If you know anything about furries, you know that they make a lot of porn of their talking animal characters.

Ordinary people ridicule furry porn often for being very weird (it is), but I think it's also a cool and important part of our culture. A whole subculture of traumatized, queer, arrested development people use the medium of furry porn as a type of escape from that life. This is largely because in furry porn the sexual fantasies of gay mentally ill manchildren are realized in a grand and superb way.

Adastra isn't alone in integrating its sex into its storytelling, and I actually think The Smoke Room and Echo both do it better.

ECHO AND TSR SPOILERS

With Echo we see this in Flynn using hypersexuality as a coping mechanism, Leo's exhibitionism acting as his only escape from his otherwise lonely and closed off life, and the shame that Carl and TJ carry due to their sexualities. The Smoke Room goes even further in using sexuality with its character development. Murdoch has no control over his day to day life, so he sees pleasing other men sexually as a way he can have control over others, the irony of this being that his most frequent sexual partner is one he only has sex with because he's externally coerced into it. William's character arc arguably centers around the fact that he's terrible at sex and refuses to do anything to make his partners happy at the risk that that would make him gay.

END OF ECHO AND TSR SPOILERS

In Adastra, Amicus hilariously declares that "emperors don't put things in their ass", and a major part of his growth as a character is that he gets over himself to such an extent that he eventually offers, reluctantly nonetheless, to bottom for Marco. Using sex as an integral part of the storytelling shows how Howly has integrated the Otherness of furry porn with the Self of writing a damn good somewhat traditional story. Integrating these two usually clashing things isn't weird or a problem for Adastra, it's something that should be celebrated. It should be celebrated that Adastra both made me want to see how Amicus can retake his rightful place as emperor and better the world around him while also making me want to see how much Amicus cums from a prostate orgasm.

It might go without saying since I wrote this much, but I think Adastra is really fucking amazing. It's cheesey as all hell, tacky, and littered with plot holes, but if you're going into a furry porn game looking for plot holes you aren't outsmarting the game, it's outsmarting you. Amicus is a surprisingly deep and likable character, the plot kept me engaged, and for God knows what reason Howly put in the work to make the game smart as hell and deep as fuck.

It could be argued that Amicus was not treating Marco like this because of his ideals but because of his self-perception. After Marco learns Amicus is gay Amicus cowers and asks if Marco is disgusted with him now. Given that the power dynamics of sexuality are so strong on Adastra that they make a 7 foot tall wolf emperor cower to a twink slave, it stands to reason that Amicus might have just not forced himself upon Marco because he was afraid of a slave being able to leverage his sexuality against him. Further, it could be the case that Amicus wanted to treat Marco as an equal because after being humiliated for his sexuality as a teenager he no longer felt as though he could have complete control over other people the way that other wolf royalty do. I think this is all not just plausible, but true. I think these, in addition to Amicus' ideals, contributed to the way he treated Marco.

#adastra #echoproject

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the-signs-of-two · 4 years

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Okay, people. I’m just going to go on a superlong rant about characterisations and how Sherlock and John are made for each other. I feel like we sometimes get a bit sidetracked discussing mirrors and subtext, references and symbolism, and we forget what is actually there in the text and in the characterisations of these characters.

If we start with John... John is brave and courageous and loyal: 'soldier' qualities. He's also very caring and nurturing and protective: 'doctor' qualities. And that's all well and good. But he also has a bunch of less socially acceptable sides: he's a man who can't stand mundanity, who needs excitement and danger and adrenaline to be content. In reality, he's actually just as poorly suited to conform to social norms as Sherlock, but, unlike Sherlock, he's chosen to suppress the less acceptable sides of himself to be accepted by others rather than be alone (Sherlock has chosen the opposite). So joining the army is a compromise: a socially acceptable way for him to live a life of excitement. And it works - until he's forced home from the war. So to describe John... he has all these strengths: courage, bravery, loyalty, caring and a very well-developed sense of right and wrong. On the other hand, he just... isn't normal. He doesn't fit in. But, unlike Sherlock, he shies away from it instead of embracing it. He's very self-aware and he tries to disguise his lack of being normal. In a way, that he's a soldier AND a doctor shows that dual nature. So his biggest flaw is how incredibly hard he fights to be something he's not, how much of himself he sacrifices to be 'normal' - or at least to be perceived that way by others. His bisexuality is one such aspect of himself that he tries to suppress: he finds it incredibly hard to face the idea that he's not 'just straight' because being straight would be more 'normal'.

Also, there’s that entire halfway subtextual idea that maybe he's so defensive about his sexuality because his father was a homophobe. He's shown at various times to have a very sensitive response to authoritative older men. His sister (Harry) is a lesbian, so it would make sense that maybe she came out and their father didn't approve and John saw that and it just made his own sexuality crisis all the more potent.

So Sherlock offers John what he needs: a life of excitement and adventure that is still morally sound. And I think John loves him not just because of the lifestyle he offers, not just because he's intelligent and John is in awe of that, but because Sherlock represents what John can't find in himself: Sherlock is his own man. He doesn't give a fuck what others think of him (from John’s POV at least). He's himself 100% and all the time and he isn't held back by societal norms in the slightest. And I think John admires and loves him for that. And then... well, then there are the, uhm, more problematic sides of Sherlock. Not just that he insults people and insults John and does stupid, dangerous things and clutters the flat and does experiments in the kitchen right next to their food. That's annoying, sure, but whatever. The real problem John has is that Sherlock is destructive. He's selfdestructive (for instance, dealing with stressful situations by smoking and doing drugs), but he is also just plain destructive. John is moral. For him, the most important thing is morals and doing the right thing and helping others. And Sherlock doesn't always live up to that standard. So there are times when John has to question if Sherlock is actually, you know, GOOD or if he's just motivated by the thrill of being clever. John is a soldier, and later a detective, because he wants to live a life of excitement - but it HAS to be a moral life of excitement. That means everything to him. And the uncertainty about whether Sherlock feels the same is a major problem for John.

Sherlock is... well, he's kind of the opposite. He's not normal, but he's embraced that. He's true to himself and he doesn't suppress who he is. But that's come with a price: he's alone. Few can stand him, no one can understand him. He's lonely, but he's also not interested in being with just anyone, because he takes pride in his intelligence and his difference and people who are just plain, simple and normal... well, he's arrogant enough to look down on them. Like, a lot. He has no respect for societal norms and no respect for authority because he believes he knows best himself. So you could say that both John and Sherlock have a very developed sense of right and wrong. The difference is that John's 'right and wrong' is a universal, socially accepted 'right and wrong', whereas Sherlock's 'right and wrong' is his own and not always in agreeance with the rest of the world.

Sherlock's real problem, though, is that... well, to put it simply: he's too intelligent to be normal and too emotional to be a calculating machine. And he hates himself for it. He isn't actually unemotional, quite the opposite. Only a man who feels very strongly would ever come up with 'All emotion is abhorrent to me', 'I am a brain, everything else is just transport' etc. Sherlock wishes he could be just a brain - he looks up to Mycroft and, indeed, to Moriarty because they manage to do that (at least to his mind). He feels very strongly, but he's too intelligent to be normal, so he's alone and it's lonely and painful. So he longs to not feel. But he can't do that. So he does drugs and shit like that because it dulls that pain.

So John offers Sherlock what he needs: acceptance for who he is. John likes him when he's being himself. And Sherlock loves John not just because John accepts and praises him, but also because Sherlock sees who John is. He sees that John is a soldier AND a doctor, he sees that John is kind of messed up, but he LIKES John's messed-up sides - Sherlock hates the normal and John Watson is not normal.

So in a way, Sherlock loves John for the exact things John hates about himself. And John loves Sherlock for the exact things Sherlock hates about himself - his emotions. I think there's real beauty in that dynamic. They both offer the other exactly what the other needs and they both love the other because of the things the other hates about themself.

And all of that is text and/or basic characterisation. And I think that’s really important to remember.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#Sherlock #BBC Sherlock #Johnlock #TJLC #characterisation #My Meta #Sherlock Meta #BBC Sherlock Meta #sort of

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papers4me · 3 years

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Fascinating concepts in Golden Kamuy Manga ( part 2)

In part 1, I listed 3 concepts that I find intriguing in Golden Kamuy ( GK), I provided short explanation of these concepts but due to issues of space couldn’t provide more examples. The previous 3 concepts were: (1). Broken men of war & death, (2) Fun dynamics & journey companion does not equal close friendships, & (3) Perspective is where characters are truly at. In total I have 9 concepts but intend to post 3 at a time. So, here we go~

4. What breaks men of war: ( emotional ties)

in my previous post, I’ve mentioned that these men of war are not fazed by death & some are even obsessed with it. goldenkamuyhunting has kindly added that they are affected by the death of those whom they’re emotionally connected to, and provided examples. very true. However, I want to look at this concept from another perspective. As much as the constant brush with death has hardened their hearts & stole chunks of their humanity, all the characters are still human. Their humanity isn’t mostly displayed in how they treat strangers/ enemies, or men on the other side, it is presented on how easily they crumble down once you press the right button: their loved ones. They have strong emotional ties that can break them down, even now after they’ve become so drenched in blood. These ties are mostly connected to ppl who are the reason of their current perspective or their past selves. Sugimoto, the ruthless, breaks down in tears at the memory of toraji, at the idea of failing Yumi, at the thought seeing Asripa become like him: a killer. These emotional ties break him into tears & self loathing frenzy. Sadistic Nikaidou not only mourn his brother, but becomes a shell of a man, delusional, erratic, addicted to drugs & hollow. Tsukishima, Tsurumi’s right hand who kills with no hesitation, becomes all sorts of mess at the thought of Igogusa: anger, tears, loss, despair, explosive rage, self-loath coupled with low self-esteem. Tsurumi himself, the man who fondly remember running thro rain of blood, was so affected by the murder of his wife & daughter to the point of not being able to restrain himself. (many examples) but the point is, I applaud the writer for not going the path of writing these characters as emotionless hard cold blooded war veterans. They have emotions & can break into sobs. You might think they’re unable to form new emotional ties, but some can, sugimoto formed healthy independent ties with shirashi! But the issue is not the new ties. The real issue is these men of war not yet dealing with the old emotional ties from their past. Those ties are eating them from the inside. The pain is still raw!

5. Excellent portrayal of unstable psyche:

Some of these men, due to the past emotional ties, have developed unstable thinking & deep troubling thought process & reasoning coupled with the ugly brutality of war. Other writers will simply write men such as Tsurumi or Ogata as mad guys, crazy & lunatic. But Noda chose a deeper more logical & intriguing approach. Their behavior shows elements of unstable & deeply trouble thinking; little boy Ogata poisoning his mother & Tsurumi’s infatuation of being a soul snatching shinigami. What they have done is unexcused & cannot be corrected. However, they are not mindless lunatics. Both characters are mysterious & rarely allowed to have inner monologue abt their true goal. Both play on different sides & have gone through some personal journey to solidify their nihilistic belief. Both goes even deeper into the depth of seemingly unstable thought process. Ogata, lacking family love, questions the concept of pity, mercy & compassion. Embarks on a journey to prove that he’s not alone in feeling no guilt over human death. That his tragic thinking is not up-normal. Other ppl exist like me. ppl other than weird Usami. Nothing is wrong with me, so father should accept me. So tragic. Yet Ogata even with this unstable thinking is portrayed as smart with analytic thinking, skilled, seemingly not swayed by manipulators & very perceptive! Same goes for Tsurumi, extremely manipulated, cunning, intelligent & sweet talker, but was shown as a loving father as he held his daughter in his hand in most of his Japanese language teaching scenes with wilk in Russia. His family’s death deeply troubled him & changed him into the monster he’s currently is. Obsessed with their bones. Not mourning them yet. His position as the story’s villain adds to this but in a very balanced way. There are more examples, such as Usami & a number of the tattooed convicts. But the point is the writer treats the characters as human, who are capable of unstable obsession & thinking, yet can display normal behavior & excellent logical thinking as well.

( btw: I’m not putting any character with the same scale as the other, or saying they’re equal or identical. They are NOT. I’m simply looking at a ting aspect from their behavior in light of the concept they share)

6. No heroes:

I duno abt you. But I don’t sense that this is a story of a bunch of alliances saving the day against the big baddie. I could be wrong tho. But this story has sth that is lacking from most stories, which is: each side have winning points as much as loosing points. Meaning each side has arguments that can lead to their logical success as much as arguments that sheds some light on the holes in their plans. Even the argument that says minority groups should have their own land with their own culture, while very just in concept, the application is quite complicated. A group of ppl with no strong army sitting on a land of rich resources won’t be left alone by other nations. It never happened in the real world, & while GK is fiction, it is safe to say that Noda is aware of this as he made Tsurimi himself point this out in ch,271. Even if the minority groups get their land, they can’t preserve their own culture if they continue their old ways without adapting into new generations & without reaching out to the outside world. Once again Trsumi pointed this out while talking abt japan itself. I duno how Noda plans to solve this. But This is not even exclusive to the Auni/Japan/Russia situation. Again, the story itself is way bigger than that. Each character is not even the hero of their own story. Asirpa’s trauma of finding herself shouldering the burden of an entire culture while struggling to have a normal selfish goal like any normal girl. Sugimoto becoming her body guard while she solves an issue that he himself isn’t that much interested in! he just wanted her to be happy. More importantly he wants her to NOT be like him. Living thro Asripa while he should be trying to figure out his own path, rather than looking for salvation thro the innocent angelic Asipra or becoming a human skinning tool to get the money for Ume’s eyes treatment when she herself never asked him to! Tsukushima, desperately trying to believe that there’s at least some bigger picture good for following Trsurmi, that all the years of blood stinky hands can mean sth, somehow, in the future, so may examples. But I love the concept of grey characters so dearly, no heroes, no angels.

Disclaimer:

I know my explanation for each argument & each concept & the examples I provide can be misunderstood. But I assure you that each time I provide an example, I’m looking at a tiny aspect of a deeply complex & intriguing character that cannot be summarized into one or two concepts & is bigger than to be compared to other characters as well. Each concept is shared by a number of characters but with different approach, level & reasoning behind it. If I want to discuss a certain character in depth, I’ll do that in a post dedicated for them alone.

Lastly, This is just a fraction of my personal opinion abt the story & characters. I’m not claiming this is how they are truly written or this how Noda intended it or even that you should share my thoughts. I just think this manga is so darn good & rich with fascinating characters!

#Golden kamuy #Saichi Sugimoto #Tokushirō Tsurumi #Tsurumi #Sugimoto #Hyakunosuke Ogata #Ogata #Hajime Tsukishima #tsukishima #nikaido #manga #Fascinated paper

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haliyam · 3 years

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interim (ii)

zeke x reader/oc

summary: You return to Liberio not long after the Warriors arrive home from their failed mission in Paradis and discover that things have changed. (Or they will, and maybe a little more with Zeke than you expect.) [Season 4 and manga spoilers ahead]

AO3 link | Ch 1 | Ch 3

Hi again! I forgot to note in the first chapter that Reader here is 19 years old, while Zeke is 25. (Clearly, before the developments of this story, there was nothing but friendship there.) For the other Warriors, I put Pieck at 19 as well, while Porco is Reiner's age (around 17/18 that year). Marcel would have been the same age as Pieck and Reader in my headcanon. If you're not comfortable with the age difference, I understand.

Also, about university here so you don't get confused this chapter - I lifted the medical school system for Marley from Germany's current system where after a competitive state exam post-high school, students are able to head straight for medical school for a 6-year track followed by specialization.

Reminder that the Reader/OC, default name Lucy, is a cis-female Eldian character with a set background, but please feel free to set the substitution for the Reader to your chosen First Name using the InteractiveFics browser extension if you’re reading through the browser! So that would be: Lucy = Your or your character's First Name. Because reader will have a set background, you'll have a set surname as well.

Chapter 2

You don’t even get a moment to breathe. General List launches into a speech about the nerve of other so-called nations almost as soon as you sit down. Apparently, those in the Mid East peninsula have grown considerably bold over the last few months, with several navy ships withdrawing from the port of Ichakar and transferring, presumably, to Qali - which gives them a better angle from which to attack the mainland if they so wish it. They’ve also fortified their borders—ground troops distributed across the land close to Marley’s newly acquired cities—which is of course the sovereign right of those nations, but it’s blasphemy to the regime’s unending ambition.

You wish they had given you a brief with all this information before the meeting, the kind you have seen Willy and father poring over in their office in the past, but you get the feeling that the general is unloading information on you with the intent to overwhelm.

“On the diplomatic front,” he continues with a hint of mockery, because of course he thinks of such things as futile, “they have been making demands. Asking that we keep to our waters when it is they who have encroached upon ours! The audacity—the delineation clearly states—” He continues to ramble until he is red in the face, but your neutral expression must slip into a wide-eyed look at some point, because he regains his composure with a visible wrinkle of his nose. “This arrogance can only mean one thing.”

He stares at you, and you realize he is expecting you to answer. You feel all eyes at the table on you, the Commander’s especially, and clear your throat. “...Weapons research, Sir?”

“Weapons development, Miss Tybur,” he corrects you. “Advanced and more prolific than we may have considered.”

He pauses, and you can’t help but speak. You can tell Magath knows it because he sits up straighter somehow, and in a moment of rebellion, you refuse to recognize the caution in his posture. “With all due respect, Sir, the… armaments race among the other nations is no secret, and on Eldian labor, no less.”

A fist slamming on the desk causes everyone around it to jump in their seats. “It’s what Eldians deserve!” the general next to List says, so naturally that he might have been born saying it. You blink, the heat of embarrassment and indignation crawling up your neck, but it’s only with List’s raised hand that the man remembers that the white band on your left arm is only for show. He glances away. “Present company excluded, of course.”

With the exception of his hand, List continues as though neither of you ever interrupted him. “And now, to the point. We need further information on the status of this little race. That is where you come in, Miss Tybur. You will use your family’s connections to enter the peninsula with our people - the peninsula and beyond, as the exact lay of their operations lies beyond our ken - and retrieve this information.”

It’s one thing to predict a general’s words and another to be confronted with them. You suppose you were still hoping he wouldn’t say it. “General List, are you saying you want a Tybur to be a spy?”

List glances over at Magath. “They were trained for interrogation, weren’t they?” Your old instructor is barely able to nod before the general recalls to you, “Ah, yes, I read the file. You withstood all but the final test. A failure then, but rather more a fluke, in my opinion. An irreplicable circumstance.”

You don’t say anything. You would rather not remember that night. Or that particular moment.

He takes your silence for agreement. “And so I answer, why not? You became a Warrior candidate - unprecedented initiative and involvement by the Tybur family. Why should this be any different?”

“Because—” Because becoming a Warrior isn’t a choice a child makes of their own free will, not really, but a Tybur doesn’t question the decisions of the former head of the family, of father, before all these strangers. No matter that they were loyal to him. You purse your lips. “Sir, I just don’t believe I’m the right person for this.”

“Your file did say you were always hasty, Miss Tybur,” List says, and you both glance at Magath at that. He doesn’t nod, only meets your gazes. He seems as trapped in this as you are, which makes your resentment for him ebb only slightly. “But you should know better now.”

Now you’re getting irritated. The temper that was your closest companion in your early childhood, and then your early adolescence seizes your fist under the table as List continues. “How goes Foundation operations?”

The Tybur Family Foundation. Set up by Walter Tybur when he first became head of the family and operated by the eponymous Tyburs - most often chaired by the spouse of whoever leads it. Your mother first, once, when she cared to, and now Mila. It provides healthcare and educational opportunities for ‘peoples once oppressed by the Eldian Empire,’ as part of continuing reparations for sins the Tybur family did not commit. Or so they say. Many of its employees now are Eldian, part of Willy’s initiative to improve Eldian relations… but in reality it does little when the Foundation is only a grantmaking organization.

“Well enough, Sir.”

“Is that so? From what I hear, the Foundation is unable to set up even offices in several countries in spite of the family’s stellar international relations.”

“And,” you add carefully, “if they ever catch wind of my close involvement with the regime even after all this time, that will not improve.”

“Clearly, Miss Tybur.” His level gaze shifts to patronizing in all the ways you hate. “But say you become more independent. Distance yourself from the military that leads our fine motherland… Say,” he smiles, “that you make overtures of dissatisfaction with Marley’s cruel expansionist policies and express the utmost sympathy for other nations. Perhaps then they will permit you to expand your operations within their borders.”

Your jaw almost drops at the very suggestion. You’ve always thought, since Willy became Lord Tybur, that only the Tyburs have the power to change the direction of Marley. For obvious reasons, not so obvious to the rest of the world, but also for the heritage you represent. If the Tybur family can be good Eldians, why can they not be only one of many good Eldians? Why not introduce the concept that any Eldian can be good, as any other race of people?

“You…” You rein in your reaction even as your imagination sets off in the direction List has set it—and far more. Especially the part where the Tybur family spreads the good name of Eldians throughout the world. No more ‘special’ treatment, no more interment zones…

No more Warriors.

Maybe. If Marley gets what it wants.

You would allow that? was your question. But the answer, you understand suddenly, is that they would allow perhaps the chance of it, in exchange for Marley’s continued expansion using Eldian bodies on the front lines. A slim chance of sparing Eldian lives for the certainty of losing them. You feel lightheaded just considering it. You want to help, but you are the last person who should hold so many lives in her hands.

Your eyes refocus on General List. A pleased smile brims beneath his well-trimmed beard, like he’s already read your mind. But he can’t know—you’ve shared your thoughts with no one but Willy and Lara, who have been as dismissive as they have been receptive. In other words, as though you’re still the child father sent away thirteen years ago they expect will eventually forget all her questions.

“Does Lord Tybur know about this, Sir?” You eye the intelligence officer not far from List.

List clears his throat. “Not as yet. Lord Tybur might be more receptive to such a scheme were his sister to present it to him herself. We are aware that Lady Tybur chairs the Foundation. Her movements are conservative, but she may agree to a more generous, active Foundation on your word.”

Scheme. That’s what it is, but that isn’t what really catches your attention. Willy and Mila, listening to you? You want to burst into laughter, tell them that they have severely misunderstood the dynamics of the Tybur family. But that intelligence officer is here, which makes you think List is lying.

“Why not ask Lady Tybur to head the operation?”

“Lord Tybur would never allow us to risk his wife,” List laughs. The implication of his words is hardly lost on you, but the general tempers his mockery with a compliment. “And we believe a new, younger face for the Foundation - perhaps one our enemies believe to be foolishly idealistic - will better suit it.”

Foolishly idealistic. Like the sort of person who would agree to this plan. Your face doesn’t fall, but your eyes do - toward the table, the way the fingers of each general drum against the wood. Magath’s hands clasp each other, firm as ever. When you look up to List again, you frown.

“Sir, you know that I’ve returned to Liberio to enter the university’s medical program.”

“Yes, yes, we were quite impressed when we learned of your state exam results, Miss Tybur,” List waves, impatient. He’s been relaxed back against his chair, but now that his certainty is dwindling, he leans forward on the table. “But think. Look at the bigger picture. As a physician you may help a man in need one after the other - years and years down the line. Six years at the shortest, and if you mean to be a specialist, how much longer? But with the Foundation’s resources, and with our backing at that, you will aid hundreds, thousands - and the motherland most importantly. Within the year. Half, if we move quickly.”

You bite your lip. You want it and you don’t. The Tyburs must do something, or else we are nothing were your exact words to Willy before. But the idea of retaking your name when you have only just arrived here nauseates you, and assisting the expansion, the destruction, under the guise of aid more so.

“I… would like time to give this some thought, Sir.”

A sigh seems to echo around the room, but it’s only all the men with you and their exasperation. Only Magath is expressionless as List visibly bites his tongue. He gives the commander a glare for good measure, as though it’s his fault you did not agree at once. “Very well,” he says. “But know that prolonging this will only bring harm to the motherland.”

You only nod. Much as you would like to have it, you have no intention of getting the last word here. You avert your gaze from the Commander when you permit the men to leave the room ahead of you.

It seems like the start of a rather miserable day - you’re practically scheduled to overthink all this some time this week, if not this afternoon - when, once the steady march of power has cleared from the hallway, Pieck meets you as you step out of the conference room.

“Boo.”

Your hand flies over your chest, but it’s a chuckle that comes out of you. “You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

“So I’ve been told.” She peeks into the room behind you right as you close the doors. “The brass did not look pleased.”

You wince. “I gave them no reason to be. I hate to get the Commander in trouble, but...” You trail off. You both know you can’t say much more.

It’s Pieck’s turn to raise an eyebrow.

“...Sorry.”

“That’s all right,” she shrugs. “I came here for lunch, not information.”

You doubt she knows the extent of the Tyburs’ relationship with the regime, but you can always trust Pieck to know not to pry. “You know, I remember now why you’re my favorite Warrior.”

“Oh?” Pieck grins. “Not the Boy Wonder?”

“Boy Wonder,” you repeat, the way the two of you always have when that name comes up - with a snicker and definitely with no one else around. You’ll never understand how the brass can say it with such straight faces. “So how about that meal?”

She pinches at the skin of your elbow through your sleeve. “Changing the subject doesn’t work on me, you know.”

You sigh. “Can we please eat first? I’m miserable enough without an empty stomach.”

“I guess some things don’t change.”

“Hey!” You half-scoff, half-laugh. With a wink, Pieck slips her arm around yours, and you start down the hallway in companionable silence.

Or you would, if you didn’t know that you owe her a little more than that. Reaching over to rest your free hand over the arm linked with yours, you look at her. “I’m sorry, Pieck. I really am.”

Pieck waits a moment, and then meets your gaze. She searches yours for the lie, but she already knows it won’t be there. You always were too candid for your own good. With a squeeze at your hand, she nods. “I know. Tell me all about it after that meal. Your treat, right?”

You blink, and then laugh with shaking relief. “Of course.”

You and Pieck fall back into the easy rapport you’ve shared since you became friends more than a decade ago. Contrary to her words, she doesn’t press you for answers as you decide on where to eat in the zone. For old times’ sake, you agree on the sandwich place two blocks from the Yeagers’, and you end up sharing a meal in your bedroom.

Sitting on your bed together, legs dangling over one edge as you nip at your food, you finally work up the courage to speak through your guilt and explain yourself and the past five years—or most of it. And of course Pieck is understanding, which makes you feel even more pathetic. True to form, she picks that up as well and gracefully changes the subject.

You’re the one who brings it back to what still hangs in the air over you when you’ve finished eating. Nothing personal—but though Marcel was the only one with whom you were ever close friends with, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie were your teammates too. You’d suffered your superiors together during training, and you’d been there for each of their first transformations. For all the experiments too; even their first assault mission.

“What happened?”

Propped up on one elbow, Pieck is lying on her side, legs tucked under her skirt as you set aside your trash. She accepts the glass you hand her from the table, eyes distant. “Zeke hasn’t told you?”

“Zeke won’t look at me unless he absolutely has to. You know how he is.”

Pieck groans. She knows. “He was so irritating after you stopped writing.”

You click your teeth in a wince. “Really?”

“Imagine, Lucy—after you all left, I was stuck with him and Porco. The abandonment issues didn’t just double, they were exponential. Multiply that with the ego and the sarcasm? The Commander was my favorite person those days.”

You laugh in spite of yourself. “I am so sorry, Pieck.”

“You should be,” she grumbles, but the remark is softened with a grin. When you grimace, she braces herself with a deep breath.

She tells you everything, or most of it: that the people of Paradis were shocked to find others alive outside of the walls, what Reiner and Bertholdt and Annie went through the past so many years, how the latter were captured—and exactly what happened to Marcel. She saves that one for last, and though you are infinitely more curious about the world behind the coward king’s walls, you reach for her hand again.

“I’m sorry, Pieck.”

She shakes her head. “You don’t have to make apologies all day, you know.”

“Don’t I?” you grin, embarrassed, teeth gritted even when your feigned mirth starts to droop. The dreamy way she speaks throws others off, but you know Pieck. She’s always been the most pragmatic of the Warriors and so she must feel silly, thinking about what could have been, had Marcel returned. Would a childhood crush have become something more between them if things were different? He had promised his family, and her specifically, that he would come home after saving the world. The thought, the regret for a chance not even yours gone, has a weight settling in your throat too.

You clear it and huff. “Well, it’s a great loss. I think everyone was a little in love with Marcel.”

Pieck glances at you.

“...Except Annie,” you add.

The sudden exemption makes Pieck choke with laughter, with tears not far behind. “Except Annie. Of course.”

You giggle, and both of you pretend not to see each other wiping your own eyes. “You know. Annie was always the toughest among us.” You pause. “Is. She is.” When Pieck’s laughter gives way to somber agreement, you ask, “What about Reiner? What has he said? I know what he’s said, but… two weeks of debriefing… it sounds like a little much.”

“He was there for years,” Pieck shakes her head. “He grew up there, Lucy. He’s… completely different now. Kind of like you.”

“I think that’s giving me a little too much credit.” You haven’t done anything remotely in the way of serving the motherland; not that you begrudge the others that the way you once did. “All I’ve done is see things and get upset. Until I can get my degree, and then until I can get the War Hammer, there’s nothing I can do.”

That’s a lie. There is apparently the Foundation—but the idea of directly assisting the regime in its efforts is something you cannot consider as you are.

“If you do become a doctor, will they let you have the War Hammer?”

You bite your lip. If only for Lara, you’re still bitter about that. “What was it all for otherwise? Though… I guess if I had inherited it then, there’s no way I’d ever be able to come back and see you all except under specific circumstances. Much less be permitted to study.”

Pieck only sighs, reaching for your hand. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t. And when I think about it… a part of me is glad Marcel didn’t have to see all of what Marley has done. What we had to do in Paradis—and I only saw a speck.”

You know what the others did, but Zeke and Pieck’s involvement apart from retrieving your old comrades is still vague.

You squeeze her hand reassuringly, but you can’t help it. “What did you have to do?”

“What we’ve always had to,” she answers with a faint smile. Your friends always had tells when they would rather not say more, and this is unmistakably hers. Given your earlier explanation, you understand why. She intertwines your fingers with gratitude at your silence.

“So,” you start after a while, “how about some dessert before I walk you back to HQ?”

“Sure. I might as well treat myself a little before we have to head out to the mountains again.” At your questioning gaze, she says, “Training with the Panzer Unit. That’s what all the paperwork was for.”

“Gross.”

She chuckles. “That’s exactly what Zeke says.”

Your face falls at the mention of him. Relieved as you are with your progress with Pieck, Zeke is an entirely different ball game. You hate that that’s the phrase you even thought of.

“You know what?” Pieck sits up smacks her hands on her lap. “I’ll treat you, too.”

You perk up. “Really?”

“For a price.”

“...What’s that?”

“Talk to Zeke already. If I come back after a month to your gloomy faces still, I’m going to go crazy.”

“It’s only been a day,” you mutter. “And I’ve tried to apologize to him.”

Pieck gives you a knowing look.

“I did,” you insist helplessly, but you both know that’s probably a lie. In Pieck’s case. You know it is absolutely false: when Zeke came upstairs after dish duty, quietly closing the door to his room, you stepped out of yours and stood outside in the hallway, your hand raised to knock on his door. You just couldn’t do it. You can take Porco’s jabs any day, but last night, the thought of Zeke and his silence, or worse, his caustic cheer, sent you scurrying back to your room.

You sigh. “Fine.”

Amused, Pieck gets to her feet for the opportunity to loom akimbo over you. “Good. And if you start to lose heart, try to remember that six-year old who used to glare at Magath like she had nothing to lose. That girl had guts.”

“You mean the half-dead one who wasn’t allowed dinner and got a Warrior class’s worth of cleanup duty alone, whom you specifically told to get over herself if she didn’t want to actually die a few months into training?”

“Exactly. What is Zeke going to do? Tell you to go to your room without dinner?”

Maybe. You sigh. “Sometimes I don’t like it when you’re right.”

Pieck grins. “And when Zeke gets over himself—maybe he’ll tell you about his brother.”

Your shock would be better illustrated in this moment were you sipping a drink you could spit in her face. “His what?”

“Shh. I don’t think he’s told the Yeagers. I think… he only told Magath because I was there when he discovered it. Still,” she says when your eyes remain wide and expectant, “it’s not my place to say. So talk to him.”

Medicine is one of the few fields for which Eldians are permitted to pursue higher education. It’s only logical—there are only a few non-Eldians who care to treat pig-blooded devils, and the efforts of those who do are wasted on said filth. And so the regime allows the admission of more Eldians than often permitted under quotas for other majors, even if the number does remain small regardless.

After parting ways with Pieck, you find yourself standing in line in some administrative building in the University of Liberio in the midday heat of summer. The line stretches outside because this is the queue for Eldian students wishing to confirm their intention to enroll over a month from now. That’s all—you need only submit a form and pay a fee, and the line for non-Eldians students has long finished—but of course the line has barely moved for your kind.

You’re clutching your envelope and your permit to your chest, which you quickly realize is a terrible idea. Sweat is starting to trickle down the nape of your neck, and you start to fan yourself with the envelope. Talking to the other applicants in line is prohibited - you must be spaced far from one another so as not to make noise and distract students who actually deserve to be here.

It’s ridiculous. You can’t even leave the line because saving spots is prohibited. Something about being fair.

The frustration crawls up your neck in the form of prickling heat, and you feel a headache coming. You fan yourself more vigorously, trying to calm down. It takes a minute, but the background buzz eventually starts to soothe you, and you begin to accept that you can simply return to the Yeagers’ and change as soon as this is over. The glares your line receives from passing students and the guards watching you, ensuring none of you causes a ruckus (as if any Eldian would dare), fade under the memory of your childhood. You withstood it before, with Magath and the other drill instructors screaming in your face. You can ignore a few nasty looks.

With that as a frame of reference, the line is even almost... peaceful. The heat is dry, not humid, there’s no mud, no blisters in your feet, no rucksack weighing you down, and no rifle either.

Only the sudden rustle of paper as it slips from your thumb interrupts that peace.

“No!” you gasp, watching your permit flutter closer to a guard with his back turned.

Just then a hand swoops in to save it - its owner bent forward, dark hair falling over his face until he rights himself, permit in hand, and glances around. You sigh in relief when you spot the band around his arm and wave him over.

He jogs over to you, hand already extended with the permit. “Confirming your slot for the medical school?” he asks, brushing away the bangs that fall over his face. He’s got the slightest stubble around his jaw, which he brushes his fingers over when he notices you looking.

You meet his gaze when you notice you’re looking. “Yeah,” you say, clearing your throat. He smiles at once, as if he can tell you’re embarrassed, but he only casts a glance at the line behind and ahead of you. “It was a lot worse during my time. They had us looping around the gate.”

“Ugh, really?”

He nods, but swallows down his grimace to lick his lips. “I’ve… never seen you around the zone before.”

You blink. Smile a little as you glance around the line. “You know everyone in the zone?”

He opens his mouth to respond with a sheepish grin that makes his eyes twinkle when movement behind him catches your peripheral vision. One of the guards watching the line has noticed him and is stomping his way over. Noticing your alarm, he sticks out a hand. “I’m Kellan, by the way.”

“Lucy. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Lucy,” he repeats, and you’re barely able to shake his hand when the guard yanks him back.

“Damn pig’s blood—!”

“I’m going, sir. Sorry,” says Kellan, ending the apology with his eyes on you even as he winces from the shorter man’s grip. When he’s eventually released, he ducks away and walks off. He glances over his shoulder to wave, but another guard keeps him moving with a shove.

The shorter one glares at you when he’s gone, and though you remember Pieck’s words, you know this isn’t the time or the place.

“Sorry,” you mutter, eyes to the ground as you turn ahead. Once he’s assured of your submission, he leaves too.

The line takes longer than you expect, but you survive the sweltering heat and submit your form just before the offices close. You hurry back to the zone afterward, dropping by the Galliard bakery to call on Mr. and Mrs. Galliard and offer your condolences. They are shocked but overjoyed to see you, and insist that you take your old favorites when they discover that you’ll be dropping in on Mr. Finger afterward.

You don’t stay long, though Mr. Finger is pleased about your choice of future employment. You feel even guiltier at the unspoken regret in his smile, and beg him not to mention it when he tries to thank you for the support the Tybur family has sent the Fingers over the years—the one thing you think Willy has ever done right.

You return to the Yeagers before dark, early enough to help Mrs. Yeager start with dinner. Dr. Yeager is apologetic as always, but you’re able to change the subject by serving the blueberry pie from the Galliards for a mid-meal dessert of sorts, and the dinner table relaxes soon after. Zeke is absent - he still hasn’t come home from work - so you make sure to leave some for him. This time, Mrs. Yeager allows you to take over cleanup, and the couple retires to their bedroom once the conversation fades into a comfortable silence.

You hope to meet Zeke right as he arrives, corner him into talking to you somehow unless he decides to miss dinner himself, but after half an hour of sitting at the dinner table, cleaning anything you might have missed in the kitchen and the dining room, and rearranging anything out of place in the living room, it starts to look like he won’t be coming anytime soon.

That’s fine, you tell yourself. You feel slimy from being out in the sun all afternoon anyway, and you treat yourself to a relaxing bath. Zeke is still away when you return to your room, and the calming warmth of your evening has you yawning. You have no choice but to change into your pajamas.

In truth, you’re a little relieved. Not that you’re particularly answerable to Pieck anyway, at least not until she finishes training with the Panzer Unit, but it won’t be your fault that you and Zeke weren’t able to talk tonight. But just to feel as though you’ve tried your very best, you keep yourself up by starting to write to Lara—and then regret your principle when you hear heavy footsteps outside and a soft click of the door across yours.

The word you’re writing skitters off to the edge of the paper in your surprise. Your heartbeat invades the tense silence of your room, but you manage to take a deep breath, folding your unfinished letter and slipping it under the paperweight on your desk.

Your door is your next obstacle.

Overlapping images of how Zeke will surely reject you race through your mind alongside the words you wish you could say, and you’re able to keep up with about... none of them. You thought that the words would come to you, and maybe they will, but the moment is about to come and you can’t think of a single word to say.

If you have time to worry, you have time to just get over there and do it, you tell yourself. You shake your head, regretting your own harshness, but also nod as you hastily gulp down the glass of water on your bedside table. Those words in mind, you move, switching one door for another. No longer standing nose-to-panel with your bedroom door, you’re doing it with Zeke’s in the hallway instead.

Hand raised to knock, you eye the light peeking out from the gap beneath the door. Knock. Just knock. The worst he can do is turn you away, and you’ll probably want to wriggle under the dirt and cry, but you’ll at least have tried. You owe it to him to try, like you did with Pieck, and you know you’re braver than this. Or you were, once upon a time.

If you’re still the same girl from years ago, you don’t get to find out just yet.

You hear his footsteps coming from the bathroom too late. No, it’s the heat of another and the familiar scent of his soap which alert you to his presence.

That and his voice, still too deep for the older boy you remember. “Aren’t you a little too old to still be knocking on my door at night?”

“Zeke,” you say, trying to pull your heart down from your throat before you turn and meet his flat expression. He’s in pajamas himself, his hair damp. You must not have heard him head for the bathroom you share down the hall. “Hi.”

That’s more than your mind could summon a while ago, but you still want to smack yourself.

His chest rises and falls as he takes a deep breath. His jaw shifts even as his pale eyes stare down at you in the dim light, as if deciding what to do with you... and then he sighs. He’s too tired to be glib tonight. “Can I help you, Lucy?”

Your lips purse with trepidation, but you stand your ground. “Can we talk?”

He pushes his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. Looking down at you is clearly work. “I’m listening.”

You hesitate, trying not to make another face. It seems to come naturally with Zeke around, but you resist the urge, and instead tilt your head to the side. There is no light coming from the master bedroom down the length of the hallway. When you glance back up at Zeke, you give him a pointed look.

Zeke sighs again, and then… decides to just brush past you to grab his doorknob.

Your stomach twists with both disappointment and pique. “Zeke,” you whisper furiously, barely just stomping your foot.

He whips his head to face you, halfway inside already. “What?” he whispers back, like you’re nagging him. Then he rolls his eyes, swinging his door wide open and backing into it to give you room.

“Get in.”

Sorry for the dearth of Zeke moments this chapter, but the next one will mooostly feature him and yes we'll finally find out why Zeke is upset. I used to write very long chapters with fics, but that really exhausted me so I'm trying to write shorter now to keep myself from burning out. But I'm enjoying writing in 2nd person! I never used to do it because it was frowned upon long ago, and possibly still is now? But idc anymore it's fun to try.

Thank you for reading!

#zeke x reader #zeke x oc #zeke yeager x reader #zeke yeager x oc #zeke jaeger x reader #zeke jaeger x oc #aot #snk #aot fic #aot fanfic #haliyam #interim #snk fanfiction #aot fanfiction #zeke yeager #zeke jaeger #snk fanfic

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