There NEEDS to be more poc trans representation in the trans community, as a black trans guy i rarely see other black or poc trans guys who have poufy 4c hair and brown or tan (or any shade) skin and i don't see them talking about their experience in the trans community.

Submitted March 30, 2023

One month gym progress I’ll be updating my blog on this monthly excited for this journey let me know if you see any progress in the comments! Red beanie pic is the first workout! 😎💪 also 5 years on testosterone boys insane how quick time flies!

Would you let me ride you Daddy 👉👌💦💦🤤

Me by photographer Steven Harwick, AKA Bound Leather Zine (@intoguilt)

I’m a trans Peter Spankovski truther

Exhibit A: The “micro Peter” insult (cause he ain’t got no dick)

Exhibit B: “My titties are tenderized”

Exhibit C: He’s in a small friend group with a at least 1 bisexual/queer person and, in my personal experience, queer nerds flock together in high school

Exhibit D: His character revolves around being a “social outcast”

Exhibit E: Because I’m trans and I said so

i love the idea of hatchetfield being such an accepting town when it comes to gender and sexual identity. minus the occasional grace, you've got all these cultists and corrupted businesses and evil eldritch gods but they're still gonna insult or accuse you with the correct pronouns. i respect that.

8.16.22

It’s late and I’ve been wanting to write for a while but couldn’t quite get my thoughts together until now. I actually dragged myself out of bed to grab my computer so I wouldn’t forget any of this.

I’ve been yearning for romance lately. That feeling of warmth in your stomach whenever their name pops up in your head, the rush of brushing against them casually, the desire you feel in your center when they look you in the eye. This yearning feeling brought me to think about the last time I felt those combinations of things and it was difficult but not shocking to realize that it has been quite a long time. Let’s take a look at my most recent experiences with romance (or shitty attempts at them at least).

The last person I dated, who from here on out will be called GR for Golden Retriever, was a romantic through and through. He is (and was) kind and sweet and gentle. He has this kind of absentminded innocence to him, as if he has been untouched by the darkness I know exists in the world and to some extent, that is true. He’s had a relatively simple life, complicated by the combination of marginalized identities that he holds, but otherwise a simple life. Anyway, he was a romantic. Our first date was unbelievable. A four string quartet playing in a candlelit room in the back halls of a museum? How could anyone not instantly fall in love with him? Easily, so I found.

He didn’t love me, not the way he thought he did. He loved the idea of me. He loved that I was kind and intelligent and that I put forth effort and communicated well. He loved that I was interested in him and supportive of his dreams. He loved who he got to be around me. He loved love. But he didn’t see me. He didn’t see all the other parts of me that weren’t so lovable. Not because they weren’t there on full display, but because he had decided in his mind that they didn’t matter. But that’s not romance or love. It’s foolish and reductive and a recipe for disaster. Flaws matter. Loving someone doesn’t mean pretending that their flaws don’t exist and placing them on a pedestal. It means seeing their flaws and looking for the best in them anyway. It means recognizing that the person you love is a whole person with a life and story that exists beyond what can be revealed in a lifetime, much less a matter of months.

I didn’t fall in love with him in part because of that. I broke up with him for a number of other reasons, but it felt important to let him go especially because I knew that I could never love him the way he thought he loved me. None of his romance made my heart race or my stomach flutter with butterflies. The candlelight date, while magical, did not make me fall in love with him. If anything, it made me more wary. After only a month of dating, that was just a fuckin lot, right?

Then, I think about the person I dated before him. Stories of her have graced this page before. Constantly, I find myself writing this story in my head about where we could be in the future. Friends? Lovers? Enemies? It wasn’t until recently that I realized that we would never be lovers again for one simple reason: self-fucking-respect. The romance in that relationship, at least at the beginning, was almost entirely fabricated by my own desire. I don’t doubt that she had love for me and romantic feelings towards me, but did I feel loved in that relationship most of the time? No. In fact, I was the most insecure and most angry I have ever been in my life while in that relationship. I was constantly disrespected and made a fool out of. No doubt, we had plenty of fun times, but man, the number of bad times really did start to outweigh the good by the end.

I remember at the beginning of our relationship, maybe just about two months in, I had to go to work. She asked if she could use my car for the day and I didn’t mind, so I let her. I just asked that she drop me off at work and pick me up when my shift was over, which was simple enough. She drops me off without a hitch and I sit at my job at the front desk of this dusty little museum for the next several hours. During my shift, I’m hit with a barrage of racist and transphobic shit from this kid who works in the Starbucks across from my desk. They’re singing racial slurs in my face, almost daring me to do something about it knowing that I can’t. I mention it to my boss and he suggests I get over it. By the end of this shift, I am fuming and hurt and frustrated and ready to return to my partner so I can shut the world out again and feel some kind of safety.

Throughout this shift, I’m texting her, telling her all of this crazy shit that is happening. When it’s time for me to leave, I let her know she can come pick me up. Here is where it gets fucking crazy: she pulls up and there is a dude in my passenger seat. Now, before y’all look at me like I’m crazy for getting in the backseat of my own vehicle while some random white man sits in the passenger seat of MY car, I have to point out that all my fight was gone. I literally didn’t have it in me to even begin this confrontation especially because if she didn’t see the problem with it, that would mean that this would be a long drawn out thing that just wouldn’t be worth the energy at the time. So, I slid into the back seat quietly and she asks me something simple, like how I was. Her lil friend just peeks his head around the seat to acknowledge me before passing his Juul to her and they pass it back and forth until we get back to campus.

At this point, I’m so far beyond my window of tolerance that I fall into hypoarousal and I’m zoned out. We all get out of the car once we get back to campus and I think that she is going to come with me to my room to debrief with me. WRONG. She leaves with the guy to continue to study for a chemistry test or something. I later find out that the guy didn’t know that we were dating because she purposefully never told him. I just…can we all just…wow. And that was at the beginning!

I cannot believe I let so many incidents like that happen to me! I genuinely sit back sometimes and think, “Wow, you were a bitch ass nigga Miles! You really got played with like a bitch!” Even now, I’m almost cackling thinking about it because who in their right mind would go BACK to that shit repeatedly? ME, the dumbass. For a whole year and some change, I allowed myself to be disrespected and hurt and ignored and lied to and deceived all for a couple moments of peace or random bursts of affection or support. I let myself suffer great indignity and it wasn’t about love at all. She did not love me until I was gone. Not the right way. Not the kind way. Not the way that makes your heart skip a beat of joy. But in a way that makes your stomach drop when you realize that you weren’t important enough to be mentioned to her friends after dating for six months, or when you plan a simple Valentine’s Day scavenger hunt for her only to go hang out with her ex and her friend that she formerly had a crush on. I mean, COME ON. Come the fuck on.

She isn’t a bad person and I know that. I am to blame for the majority of it honestly, because I let codependency rule my behavior. I am sure that she has grown and improved and all of those things. The things that I loved about her then are the things that I still love now. Her taste in music of course, her style, her drive and adventurousness, her courage and strength. All of those things are so important and I could never take them from her. But letting her in again? Allowing myself to be vulnerable again with someone who hurt me 1000 different ways? Well, that would be foolish. Thankfully, it’s impossible. Even if I wanted to (and believe me, for a long time I wanted to), I couldn’t let go of how that shit fucked me up. My self-esteem took a nosedive that took a year and a half to start recovering. The insecurities that arose out of that relationship took months to get back to manageable levels. The person I was in that relationship and for some time after is not a person I like or even want to know. The shame I carry from being angry the way I was is something that I still shoulder daily, no matter how justified I might want to make it in my mind. There was fire no doubt, but not romance. In some ways, I was like the GR in this relationship. He didn’t want to fix me (because he didn’t even see my deficits), but he did idealize me and I did the same to her. I wanted to believe so badly that she really didn’t understand how she was hurting me, that all of the good in her was enough to negate any real problems, and that I loved her enough to overlook any harm she had done or could do. I idealized her, placed her on a pedestal, and believed that I could somehow make it all better. That if I just stuck with her for a little longer, everything would be fine. But that’s not how life works. It doesn’t matter how great she is now or how great she’ll be in the future. The reality is, I can never be with her and feel safe again, not in any romantic capacity. And that’s not due to a deficit on my end of not being able to forgive and move on, but because I’m wise enough to understand that I deserve more. I deserved more. And I’m never going to return to someone who hurt me like that so many fucking times.

Anyhow, that got me thinking about the last time I truly felt loved and supported in all the ways that count. What I came to realize is that my romantic relationships were not the place to look. My friendships were. One friendship in particular. My friend, who we will call AJS, is one of the truest loves I have ever known and I am so fucking grateful for him. The start of our friendship years ago was rocky but has since bloomed into this beautiful thing void of codependence and full of genuine support and love. I mean, I love this kid. Not in a romantic way, but in a way that matters even more. I don’t even know how to verbalize all that I feel towards him, but it’s bigger than life. I have never build a relationship with anyone that is as strong and secure and true as this. Where honesty, as painful as it may be, reigns supreme. Where conflict makes us stronger and trust each other more. Where support is given without thought and without strain. Where communication flows freely and deeply. I mean, I truly don’t know that I have experienced this level of intimacy with another human being ever. I don’t know that I ever will! I hope I will, with someone that I love in the romantic way, but even if I don’t, I am so grateful to have gotten to experience a love like this.

Maybe romance isn’t what I’m yearning for. Maybe it’s connection. I don’t know. It’s 5am and I started writing this at like 3am. Maybe it’s all just gibberish. I’ll post it anyway. Goodnight.  

oooooo white people in my replies really saying ‘I can excuse racism but I draw the line at homophobia’

Not surprised since this is the site that only talks about racism and thinks it’s a big deal when they see it demonstrated in the cartoons and comics they like *coughs* dungeonmeshi *coughs* (for example at least. I haven’t seen THIS many white ppl talk as in depth about racism on here as much as these fandom nerds, man. I stg. Like “Ohhhh, so you all DO acknowledge that racism is real? Just not in real life even if you could feel it slapping you in the face at high speed. Gotcha.” It’s crazy.

Tumblr is like, 90% white and is extremely centered around them. That’s why you barely see stuff that’s important to black and brown people ever trending here or being talked about. It has to be something incredibly huge to the point where even white people can’t ignore it like they usually do, to talk about it here.

They only talked about George Floyd here because the topic of his death became world news. Even people in other countries were talking about it. Before him, it was probably Ferguson and Trayvon Martin… most of them are still trying their best to ignore the genocides because it’s a “touchy subject.” What do you expect from white people who live in their own bubbles of comfort and refuse to pop it with a needle??? They find comfort in their privilege and faux ignorance (they love playing stupid to avoid conversations about important things outside of fandoms like, are these mfs born with half a brain dedicated to fandom or what.) That’s literally all these mfs make a big deal out of, especially on this annoying ass platform. The ao3 mfs will go to war for the site that allows racist ff and cp like it’s no big deal. I wonder how many people here even donated to the site while actively scrolling past dono posts from folks who really do need help. They act like they’re doing a civil service by defending this site that makes over the amount of it’s intended dono goal in minutes.

Then you already know as soon as you even bring up racism in the stuff they like, they start ganging up and harassing black bloggers especially, calling them TERFs and the whole nine. Anything to make that person look bad for being concerned about the racism that they have such an intense aversion to. God, it’s absolutely exhausting knowing that these people would have no problem choosing a cartoon character over your entire existence if they COULD. Isn’t that fucking sad, man?

Someone add an Apollo dodgeball meme

Hey everyone,

'The New ThoughtCrime' is an anti-trans community detransitioner essay

Just wanted to give a heads up to the FTM community on here that a user named @mewthoughtcrime is trying to repost the 'New ThoughtCrime' think piece from 2017 - tagging it with this such as 'trans man', 'nonbinary' and 'transandrophobia'.

However this blog fails to mention that the main author of said piece is a lesbian who considers herself a detransitioner. While there is nothing at all wrong with that -

the problem more comes from the fact that said author also believes the trans community is a cult.

This quote comes from the author's interview with Genspec - an organization that pretends to be trans supportive, while also believing trans kids are a myth, trans men are just confused teen girls, and pushing the book Irreversible Damage.

The author also believe in the idea of 'cotton-cieling' - a terf dog whistle that implies trans women intend to force lesbians to sleep with 'males who identify as lesbians'.

The think piece is NOT at all about trans men or transandrophobia.

It's about detransitioning from a woman who believes the trans community engages in 'thought reform' - in a way akin to cults.

The piece reads largely inspired by 'Irreversible Damage' - an anti-FTM shred-piece. This is basically J.K Rowling ideology.

They're in their right to repost whatever they want, especially if that piece of writing specifically spoke to them and other detransitioning folk.

However I do think it's incredibly disingenuous and sneaky to not include this information - or the true nature and intention of the work - in the Tumblr post, as the original author was very clear in stating so.

To post such a piece without tagging the detrans community is a disservice to them and a deliberate choice towards us.

The piece is not at all about transandrophobia - the OP is simply mistagging it to target particular groups - mainly, actively transitioning FTM who are looking for community.

This isn't to say you can't read and enjoy the piece, or connect to it. You absolutely can, it's about someones valid personal experience (well - some parts.) that's eloquently written.

What I do not support however is posting such material, purposely and vaguely mistagging it, while not explaining the contents, the context, and the intent of the author clearly.

I believe readers should always be informed about the source and intention of the writers of the information they received.

People should be allowed to make informed choices about what they read and involve themselves in - whether that be trans politics, or reading think pieces online.

That's why I am making this post.

'The New ThoughtCrime' is an Anti-Trans Community think-piece that targets trans men and lesbians by supporting TERF ideology.

Read with that information in mind. With the situation going on now with staff, I think it's important to be on high alert for indoctrination or misleading literature like this.

By all means, read if you like. I was just not at all impressed with the lack of transparency from @mewthoughtcrime when it comes to detailing the actual contents and source of that information.

It's one thing to call the trans community a cult - before turning around and releasing anonymous faceless think-pieces that you spread around without sources or actively informing others of its contents, in order to purposely get a demographic of people who do not wish to interact with you to unwillingly engage in your rhetoric.

As a essay that calls for 'transparency in the trans community' we can first start by lending some transparency to THIS essay.

Stay safe and stay informed y'all ✌🏾

Pete? Trans.

Richie? Trans.

Steph? Trans.

coming in need of support for my black,trans and disabled best friend jasper,he is a staple in the underground rave scene in orlando and does his best to support anyone he meets,alot of the information is on the pictures and I appreciate whatever yall can give for him.

A little info about my best friend is that he loves lemonade,he loves watching netflix and spending time with his wonderful sister,hes kind and caring,he writes,he loves going to wendys or random drives to wawa. I really dont know what to say,I just want to help him all I can.

Such a beautiful transgender woman! I love her dress!

Come take it off Daddy, Don't like having fun alone 😩🥺

"i just want my childhood back/i just want my childhood dead"

"you should have raised a baby girl/i should have been a better son"