vent tags below I do not suggest that you read them

i know this is cliché and there are a million posts like this but i'm getting so tired of the pointless infighting on here. and before you accuse me of anything, i'm a lesbian who practices complete female seperatism with the exception of having to interact with male healthcare staff. yes, i'm far from a perfect radfem, and yes, we should all try but I don't think anyone on here meets that ideal. seeing misogynistic slurs and insults thrown at women who are bisexual, het-partnered, or god forbid need a fucking abortion is so saddening when tumblr is one of the only places i feel a sense of community with other feminists. most people on here have at some point been isolated and ostracized for our politics. we're lucky to have a space on a site like this where we can express our beliefs and form a community and have nuanced discussions (look at what's happening to other apps! look how quickly radfem pages are termed on instagram and tiktok!) and instead of using this platform for constructive discussion some of you are spending 4+ hours a day in petty arguments over semantics, attacking vulnerable women for needing medical procedures and cyberbullying anyone who happens to feel attraction to men. we are not going to form a movement like this. no progress will come from this! outsiders see us picking each other apart and are discouraged from radical feminism, men use the holes in our community to tear us apart and make us look like a joke. people go back to liberal circles because their first day on radblr gets them an inbox full of insults and slurs and they quickly see how other women are treated on here.

i can't believe this needs saying but spending your day online calling osa women traitors/c*nts/c*cksuckers/brainwashed, telling detrans women we're deformed and damaged goods and throwing around the r slur is not activism nor is it feminist. some of you need to watch a primary school cyberbullying powerpoint about how there's another person at the end of the screen because i know no one on here would say those things to a woman's face. radical feminism fights for the liberation of EVERY woman, no matter if you personally dislike them or disagree with their choices - and even so, it's common sense that people will be more open to conversation and willing to change if you treat them with kindness, instead of denouncing and dogpiling everyone who doesn't meet your standards. i'm a radfem because so many women aren't. i'm a radfem for the women who wear makeup and insist it's for themselves. i'm a radfem for women who have been "happily married" 10 years and still do 100% of the housework. is that you? are you fighting for these women? or are you on here to boost your superiority complex and put others down? because if that's the case our movement doesn't fucking need you.

i hope some of you think about why you're on tumblr and how exactly you're aiding female liberation or even helping women to begin with. where the majority of other communities are toxic echo chambers, we need to be able to accept differences of opinion and fight for the bigger cause. anything else will alienate the same women we claim to be fighting for.

A couple of notes first: I was talking about my experience with a single father to point out that any gender can do wrong. And I am not discounting discrimination against people of color or the LGBTQ+ community, I am pointing out that in my experience as a woman I have seen more hate towards women in this rural community than anyone else. That's my personal experience, it does not apply to every scenario obviously.

Original post: I saw a post about a single mom who screwed someone over and all the comments were saying all single mothers are bad. This guy even started posting stats to try and prove women are lazy and entitled but me and another girl shut him down.

This isn't the first time I've seen single mothers bashed online. There's memes about them, they're commonly called whores, and one guy, posing with his daughter and saying he was a proud single father, posted that all single mothers are trash and lack morals.

Growing up I was taught that black people were n!!gers and gay people were perverted f!!gots. But I have never seen so much hate in my life, as the hatred and bigotry against women. Since I was a little kid I have seen women relentlessly called bitches, sluts, whores, and c*nts including myself. What do you call a man? An asshole? There's no big massive sexist selection of slurs for men. And you rarely see men insulted for having a child, for having sex, for having a career... or simply existing.

The other day some dude said the word Ella is Spanish. I know it means she or her in Spanish but told him it was literally an American name too. He said, "shut the fuck up, bitch!" It didn't shock me because I know I've been called a bitch probably over 3,000 times in my life.

People try to say, oh, it's the men you associate with. What are you talking about? Literally none of my exes have ever called me names, ever, not counting a few I only had one date with, etc. Then people try to say it's all just internet trolls. Bullshit. Family friends, coworkers, and random people on the street, have all name called women in front of me or put down women in other ways. I had two coworkers who literally beat women, one admitting it to my face.

Mom told me that male privilege doesn't exist. A lot of people say that. And you know, my father has it far from easy. No education, busting his ass all day, not knowing if he's going to make a paycheck or not, and suffering cancer and horrible injuries on the job. Poor man doesn't have much privilege. Except for the fact he can be attended to by a male nurse or doctor without worrying about being groped or worse. He can walk to his boat in the dark without worrying about being raped. He doesn't get scoffed at by mechanics and repairmen. So he does have that male advantage.

Being racist, sexist, and homophobic are not things I want to be. But sadly after endless years of being shit on, my respect for men is stretched bare. It's honestly hard not to feel sexist towards those who have been relentlessly bigoted towards me.

I keep fucking thinking of little c!Techno things, and ik I have to make that character analysis post later and not right now because it will take forever and I'm really fucking tired, but I'm just gonna dump a few things so I don't forget them:

- history of being unable to verbally express his emotional attachment to anyone except Phil unless it's in moments of immediate danger (tommy about to get killed by dream, ranboo in peril bc of the egg)

- adhd brain go brr, inability to focus on conversations nts might consider super important bc his brain just looks for other things to focus on after too much excitement (also applicable to cc!techno after too much lore, basically)

- other than when he's pushed to his emotional limits, being really lighthearted/dismissive of things that make him feel too emotional because he just doesn't want to deal with emotions (reaction to tommy's death with hesitance then masking it with false joy, getting really scared of sapnap killing him for .2 seconds then masking that with jokes and intense focus, feigning indifference when ranboo gave him a replacement axe of peace)

- constantly getting emotionally and physically hurt by people and never getting closure, so he just compounds all his emotional hurt and severely internalizes it, so now he has literally no sense of self-awareness and takes no damn accountability for his actions bc to him, it's all justified by every time someone hurt him

- his anarchism stemming from a view of governments as unjust, perpetuating unjust violence, rule, and punishments; now he gets so paranoid about another government forming after almost getting executed by one that he jumps the gun

- even though the egg is technically more of a government and more of a danger than snowchester at the moment, techno doesn't realize that he still holds a grudge against tubbo after all these months, and also has some unaddressed guilt for the time he took one of his canon lives, all culminating into resentment that made him hyper focus on tubbo and snowchester this stream, even if, objectively, that made no logical sense

- the progression from joining the first rebellion against the manberg government after the rebellion's creation, to nipping the new tubbo presidency in the bud with the withers, to now checking in on snowchester before it's even established itself as a nation (progression of trying to prevent shit before it starts, increased paranoia)

- an innate need to make sure everyone else is always less powerful than him because he's just so damn afraid of death. everyone talks about how c!dream is scared of death, and yet views himself as a god, and techno is such an interesting parallel to that. when equipping the rebels before the pogtopia vs manberg war, techno gave everyone purposefully inferior armor (all the armor he gave had fire prot iv or something similar instead of prot iv). he grinded for hours upon hours upon joining the server, just so he would no longer be in iron armor while everyone else was in diamond. he went completely overkill with potions in his fight against quackity, despite knowing that his pvp skills are better than quackity's anyways. he literally spawned withers in l'manberg just so he could get his axe back from fundy and ranboo because he felt so vulnerable without his one, op weapon. now, he doesn't see his wither skulls as comparable to snowchester's nukes bc his skulls, in techno's eyes, are simply a necessary form of self-defense, while surely snowchester could turn violent at any moment (/s).

Lately i’ve been so done with fandom lol but specially with the loki fandom. What’s been getting on my nerves is (among other things) how so many negative fans are so eager to call the people involved in the show bad or evil. I get that we can (and should) criticize the cast and crew, specially since we are are paying to see their work. And we should absolutely call them out when they say or do something problematic. but what i’ve been seeing is a bunch of fans straight up calling these people evil (mainly Kate Heron and the writers), saying they acted in bad faith and that they either don’t care or outright hate the character Loki. And that they deliberately sabotaged the series, the series that had their names attached to it. like they purposefully made the show bad even though it’s gonna go on their curriculum because they have a grudge against a fictional character. So they call these people evil and incompetent and accuse them of some serious shit. without actual proof. they pick apart every interview and twist their words and infer things that aren’t actually inferable. Also, it’s really funny how feminism flies out of the window when it’s time to shit on a female director and a female character (like using gendered slurs, calling them old and unsuccessful). This way of seeing things has also affected how they talk to other fans (positive fans in this case). They act like they know Loki better than others, like hating the show is the only possible outcome if you really care about and know loki. They also love writing about how their level of identification with loki comes from them being victims of abuse like him (which is absolutely understandable) but completely ignore it when positive fans who also experienced similar trauma say they didn’t have an issue with the show. I’ve actually lost count of the times i’ve been called an abuse apologist for enjoying the show. And most of these fans are grown ass people that seem to think it’s ok to hate on real life people in order to defend a fictional character (which is why i find this over identification to be awful even if it’s a coping mechanism). I also don’t wanna seem like a bootlicker, specially since I rlly like reading people’s criticism of the show, but I just hate seeing people being called every possible bad thing without proof. Anyway sorry for venting lmao

I debated with myself about responding, not because I don’t agree, Anon, because I agree pretty hard—except the idea that it’s our job to call out creators for being problematic. I also debated with myself because I don’t like to make large-scale posts about fandom wank and not everything here is said the way I would say it. I have friends who are antis or voice critical things and, when they do it respectfully, I have no issue with that. (/disclaimer)

But you’re not talking about respectful dissent. You’re talking about a huge honking problem in the fandom, the fact that some people are being, for lack of a better word, disgusting.

I've seen everything you’re talking about: the sexist language, the nasty shit, the identifying with Loki so hard that you’d think they fucking invented him back during Viking times. And I have seen the bad takes, too. So many bad takes.

If they are ruining fandom for you, then block them. They’re already in their own echo chamber. Hit that clock button and leave them there. Let them be shitty amongst themselves and write their “superior” script. I mean, these are people who feel good about calling Sylvie and Kate c*nts and threatening Tom. Do you want anything to do with them? No.

I’m uncertain on the future of this blog. This is under the cut because I’m probably just gonna get shit for expressing this.

My last few posted fics haven’t exactly been bursting at the notes, and most of the comments are just me reblogging other comments, and please don’t think I’m not grateful for those of you who do comment, I really am but... it feels right now like no one wants my name associated with them, like I’m a dirty word that shouldn’t be uttered out loud. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve being a sudden outcast, because no one talks to me either except one person, but it’s become disheartening and very upsetting. I’ve been losing followers steadily (I know others have too) and after seven years of hard work and nearly 700 stories and over 3 million written words, it just makes me feel like it’s for nothing.

I will still be posting on Patreon, so those who are kind and wonderful to support me will still get fics. I’m still considering posting Sinful Sunday here to maybe gauge reaction/interest but at this point, it feels like flogging a very dead horse. I’ve debated even posting this because I know I’m gonna cop some heat for daring to having human feelings, but I can’t just sit here and wonder what I’m doing wrong, I have to ask.

Is my writing no longer good enough?

Have I become stale and repetitive, or am I just boring?

Did I upset someone and they’re now telling everyone I’m a c*nt?

I don’t know what I’ve done, I just wanted to write and share my stories, but if no one here wants them, I’ll stick to Patreon and Ao3. I miss the interaction I used to get here, I used to get asks every day (I know I have Marie and Heart Anon, and I treasure you guys so much, I really do) but no one seems interested anymore. If I turned replies off on posts, I’d never get any comments at all, and reblogging is what gets the work out, but it doesn’t seem to matter how many times writers (or artists) complain about it, no one wants to share anything.

Please don’t feel like you need to send me a reassuring platitude, because telling me you love my work only hits if you’ve shared or commented on it in the past. I don’t know if you like my stuff unless you tell me. No one does. And I’m seeing more writers leave or quit every day because they’re just not getting the encouragement they need. Writing is fucking hard, guys. It really is. And I’ve been struggling to even write three words because I don’t see the point anymore.

I’ll just wait for the inevitable shitty messages I’m gonna get over this. I probably haven’t worded it well but I’m not in a great place, and the one thing that used to make me happy is now a source of pain, and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep flogging the horse, y’know?

External Female Genitalia

Female Genitalia – Vagina, Vulva, Pussy, Yoni, C*nt and whatever you want to call it.

In this post we will cover the anatomy of the external female genitalia, it’s purpose and how you can get to know your own.

The full reproductive system (ovaries and womb) will NOT be included – post for a later time.

(WARNING: Contains anatomical diagram and one NSFW pic - thank you to our lord and saviour Betony Vernon.)

Being from the UK, of course my favourite term for Female Genitalia is c*nt. During my time at Secondary School, or High School for my American followers, I was barely taught anything about my vulva, not it’s anatomy or how it worked. I only found out there were two holes when one of my friends told me and I’d never been more embarrassed that I didn’t know how my own body worked or how I was built.

Ok, first lesson - what is the anatomy of the external genitalia? I’ve drawn a really bad diagram for you to look at as I explain the different parts of the external anatomy:

Vulva – The vulva is the term for the area which includes the Vaginal opening, the Labia Majora, the Labia minora and the clitoris.

Mons Pubis – The mound of fatty tissue which covers the pubic bone. It is this area that grows pubic hair.

Clitoral Hood – A fold of skin that surrounds the head of the clitoris (sometimes it can fully cover the clit – no wonder anyone can’t find it). This is designed to protect the clitoris from uncomfortable friction or rubbing.

Clitoris – Located under the clitoral hood and slightly between the labia minora. This is the ‘fun’ area. This little nub is very sensitive and is the go to when engaged in sex. Much like a penis, the clit becomes ‘erect’ with blood when stimulated and with the proper attention can result in orgasm.

Urethra – Located above the vaginal opening. It is a small hole, so small you’ll barely even be able to see it. This is the ‘pee’ hole. It can be engaged in sex – when the elusive ‘squirt’ happens during a female climax, you squirt from the urethra, not the vaginal opening.

Labia Majora – These are the outer lips, these also grow pubic hair and it’s main function is to protect the other external organs, mainly from infections.

Labia Minora – These are the inner lips. They are far more pink in colour than their sisters (Majora) due to the number of blood vessels present in the area, and in moments of sexual arousal the area swells with blood increasing their sensitivity. Sometimes these lips can ‘spill’ out in between the Labia Majora – this is perfectly normal! The minora only surround the area with the urethra and vaginal opening.

Vaginal Opening – This is the hole where the magic happens (where whatever object – in the realms of safe and sane, can be inserted, from dicks to tampons. You can even squeeze a baby through there. Ouch.)

Bartholin Glands – These are located just inside the vaginal opening (lining the sides), and these secrete a thick liquid which is used for lubrication during sex. So, these are what make you ‘wet’. Please, before anything is being inserted (sexually) into the vaginal opening, make sure you are wet and use plenty of lube (blog posts on this to come).

Hymen – Let me make this clear…The Hymen is NOT a virginity detector! The Hymen is a very thin piece of skin that only partially covers the vaginal opening (if it covered the whole opening then you wouldn’t get your period). It can stretch or tear during sex, causing the infamous blood on the sheets for 'first timers' (and unfortunately where the term ‘popping your cherry’ came from. Silly really, not all first timers bleed, just more romanticised bullshit from a culture that fetishises virginity and 'purity'). BUT, it can also stretch and tear from swimming, horse riding, sports or the excursions of daily life. For some women, their hymen is too small to see, or it can be non-existent. Much like other skin, the hymen can repair itself.  

Perineum – Located between the Labia Majora and the Anus. It can vary in size, between 1 – 2+ inches. Contains internal structures which help with bodily functions which include sex and childbirth – so don’t be afraid to use it during sex, just be careful!

Now, one thing you will have taken from my diagram is that it’s not perfect, and that’s ok, because no c*nt is cosmetically perfect. Everyone’s c*nt is different and you should embrace that. It’s yours and no one has any right to say to you ‘Oh it’s ugly’, ‘oh it smells funny’, ‘are you sure it should look like that?’ – fuck them! They clearly don’t know shit (although if you notice it smells different than usual, or your discharge is coming out different than usual then please go see a doctor - more posts to follow on this!)

My advice to you…

Dim the lights, light some scented candles, stick on some mindless Netflix program or any song by The Weeknd, get a mirror, stick it down there and take a good look at you. Explore you. I say this because I see it this way; how can you expect anyone to give you a good time during sex if you don’t even know how you’re built and where everything is. It seems weird at first, and it’s ok to back out the first few times. Baby steps. You don’t have to dive in all at once. It’s your body, you set the time and you set your boundaries. However I do highly recommend exploring, and not just for beginners, it’s good for even the most experienced amongst us to refresh ourselves every once in a while. 

(Image: Betony Vernon and François Berthoud, ‘The Boudoir Bible’, 2013).  

My next post will be on the clitoris (because boy is that thing bigger than we thought).

Hope this helps, and stay sex positive my lovelies.

-     Love, TheSexTheorist xxx

Talk to me about Regis, please; headcanons, why/what you like about him, etc. I love him, but there's not a whole lot of (book-based) content about him (That's probably for the better actually, just look at what twn did to Dandelion; there's a bunch of content but it's all ooc or just straight up infantilizing him because uwu innocent baby - gosh I hope twn fandom don't get their hands on Regis)

this is such a great ask ;w;

committment to principles, breaking of tropes

let’s get the deep and emotional parts out of the way. i love regis for being a good person. “epitome of humanity” and all of this. i love how he was an incredibly cruel and violent man and has become a kind person and someone committed to helping others. i find this a very comforting fantasy to be close to and think about. i like how this process was not instantaneous, it took more than 50 years and a good amount of time after that... i love how sapkowski used the idea of an immortal/extremely long lifespan for an arc of redemption and becoming a better person. regis is only a vampire because sapkowski needed him to be able to survive death and reconsider his actions... for most people, death would be the finality... and i like how regis, when recounting his backstory, doesn’t ever make excuses for himself or dwell upon his behavior. he doesn’t speak of consuming guilt, he doesn’t make useless apologies. he has accepted the past and is not looking for attention when he says all of this, it’s merely for context. so he doesn’t seek validation from others, he has already validated himself because he knows that he has become a better person.

i love how regis is an inversion of the vampire tropes... not the ones that are like “vampires can’t touch sunlight/be around garlic/enter houses without invitation, etc.” but the ones that concern vampire origins and what being alive for hundreds of years does to a person’s mind. the “traditionally accepted vampire lore” would have some human losing their humanity over many years, becoming distant from human morality and ethics. regis is a complete inversion of this. instead of being a human who has lost their morality, he is a monster who has gained his morality. he made a committment to learn and understand, and how he sincerely works for good.

hinting and character reveal

i LOVE the buildup to his character reveal. from the moment the company meets him in a cemetery during the dark of night, it should be apparent that he is not what he seems. this added to the fact that they then meet peasants who were searching for a vampire in the very same cemetery, and regis somehow knows all of these accurate facts about vampires... it’s simply entertaining to read or listen to how it all unfolds. 

the dramatic reveal is brilliant. i love how it occurs in a scene where regis was doing absolutely nothing but healing dandelion. i love how only regis and geralt knew what this was about, so we received narration in milva’s point of view because milva is the most observant of the other three that were in the company, and she slowly noticed all of these little features about regis that she didn’t notice before... his eyes glowed in the low light with an eerie catlike quality, he didn’t cast a shadow...! it’s good writing because there was significant buildup behind it. we already thought we knew regis, we got all of these hints towards his true identity, and now he’s being revealed as just that, but slowly, slowly... sapkowski doesn’t have geralt immediately yell “HE’S A BLOODY VAMPIRE!” ... it’s a very drawn out conversation. i love how regis doesn’t react much when geralt rests the sword on the hollow of his neck. he says, “well, geralt, i’m all yours,” as if geralt was beckoning him to a conversation and not standing above him with a glistening sword in his hand. and then regis just smiles and challenges him to “go on, thrust it in!” ... just entirely casual and smug. it’s creepy and yet so funny!

and i love how everything about his character seems to make more sense once his backstory is revealed. especially the part where he says he never drinks, not even a sip... after you read the part where he describes his backstory, you realize that this is a nice nod to what is revealed later on.

ability to challenge geralt

i’ll segway the last point into this one: i love how regis is just a straight up bitch to geralt in baptism of fire after he is revealed. during the reveal scene he starts mocking geralt, asking him if he’s going to let him get away, asking him how high he would value a contract on him. geralt tells him to never come back TWICE, and TWICE he returns. he appears to geralt, sits down right next to him, begins to deliver him a great monologue of advice. geralt tells him to fuck off, he just sighs “as you wish,” and continues to give advice.

regis acts on his OWN terms. geralt does not control the speed at which lobsters die vampire. regis acts like a c*nt because he simply can because he knows that geralt can’t fight him on it. what’s he going to to, kill him? ha!

regis came in at exactly the right time. dandelion is geralt’s best friend, but this means that dandelion knows geralt and knows what he’s like, and geralt knows what dandelion’s like. geralt sees dandelion’s unwavering loyalty to him as dangerous, because he doesn’t want to lose dandelion, so he blocks out whatever dandelion says about “i want to go with you, i need to go with you.” geralt knows that dandelion’s only saying this because they have such a deep relationship, and isn’t willing to risk that relationship when he thinks that it doesn’t need to be risked (i.e., that he can handle this without anyone else’s help). milva doesn’t have this long friendship with geralt, but she is his friend, and she’s known him for a few months. she knows that geralt is acting stupidly, and tells him this to his face. but geralt can sense that because she’s also his friend and because she is acting out of some sense of penance, he can’t accept her company, either. geralt is able to push both dandelion and milva away, because he can. he can tell them he doesn’t want to be bothered, he wants to be alone. 

enter regis, who simply will just not take “go away” for an answer. regis has been compared to other sages and philosophers in and out of the text, but i think this is very socrates of him. he’s the gadfly to geralt’s sluggish horse. he is able to rouse him simply by annoying the ever loving shit out of him, returning when geralt has told him to leave, giving advice when geralt has told him to shut up. and it’s for good reason, regis doesn’t do this to harm geralt, but to help him. and because he’s regis, he literally has all of the time in the world and the power to be able to annoy geralt like this. he can’t be swayed by stern petulance because it just is like nothing to him, water off of a duck’s back. he has this unbearable attitude of knowing that he’s right. this doesn’t make regis a perfect character - far from it, i would say that this is one of his biggest flaws in fact - but in this situation, it works.

optimism, kindness, healer class

i thoroughly enjoy how the immortal member of the company that has lived for over 4 centuries is such an optimist in everything he does. “it is simply a matter of positive thinking” and all of this nonsense... he’s very content and cheerful all of the time. i made a post counting every time regis is mentioned to be smiling... and it’s a lot. he is also always mentioned to be spekaing softly, calmly, gently... he has a very gentle nature!

regis is a very placating force in the company, he tries to resolve arguments between different parties (milva and the peasants who wanted her horse, milva and angouleme at the kitchen table). he assumes there’s always a good resolution that can be reached.

and the fact that he’s a healer ties it all together. i love how sapkowski actually describes everyone’s profession with detail and length, it makes the fantasy medievalesque setting more immersive, since one’s profession is extremely significant to one’s whole character in a setting like this. regis gets that short monologue about how dandelion is lucky to have gotten this head wound and not an abdominal wound, what with the liver, guts, feces mangled and spilling out... peritonitis... regis actually being described as healing people makes it feel like his character is useful and is actually a surgeon (unlike in the games where he doesn’t ever heal anyone). 

he sincerely cares about the human condition and expresses regret and pain when he cannot do anything to cure someone, even though he can sense their sickness. he describes this as literally being “a curse,” that demonstrates how difficult it is for him, and it’s only difficult for him because he cares.

blending in with human society and the quirks that come with it

i love the precautions regis has to take to continue blending in with human society. he smiles with pursed lips as to not show his fangs, but when he is with friends he ends up smiling fully. he has to continue to mask his presence with the blend of herbs. he has to avoid mirrors, dogs, and sorcerer/esses. horses dislike him even with the herbs he carries, and fulko artevelde mentions that “horses and dogs brisk at [the] company’s approach.” these small details are fun and keep reminding the audience that it’s not simple to blend in with human society, and there always IS something off about regis. hell, just shine a bright lamp on all of the company together, and you’ll see that their barber-surgeon doesn’t cast a shadow. the probably reason that they didn’t notice he didn’t cast a shadow was because of how overcast it is around that area of brugge. when they get into beauclair, i headcanon that regis doesn’t tend to walk on the sunny side of the street because of wanting to hide the fact that he won’t cast a shadow. 

there’s a lot of different conditions that are necessary to consider in relevance of keeping his identity hidden, and regis does a pretty good job at navigating all of them. i appreciate that these details were written in because it makes it more realistic... even though sapkowski broke multiple vampire tropes with regis, so you know, he won’t burn in sunlight or have adverse reactions to garlic, but there’s still all of these odd ends that he needs to take care of. it makes him seem a lot less overpowered, because it continouslly reminds the audience that he doesn’t blend in perfectly.

“benevolent ominousness”

regis has a very fun supernatural presence, and he only ever uses his powers for good.

things like saving the girl from the refugee camp by sticking his hand into flames and holding a white-hot horseshoe with absolutely no hesitation... saving geralt and dandelion by materializing out of shadow... also appearing out of nowhere to milva and cahir in the forest and milva trying to choke out a grateful sob at his presence... saving ciri at castle stygga by absolutely wrecking the entire lab, with blue flames dancing on the countertops, and then turning around in that chair and saying “don’t be afraid.”

it’s things like this that i have dubbed “benevolent ominousness” - these demonstrations of power would be extremely unsettling, if you didn’t know him and know that he was there to protect you. the embodiment of “you may rest now, there are monsters nearby.”

humor and lighthearted nature despite dark themes, great lines

this isn’t the same humor that sapkowski uses elsewhere... it’s mostly funny due to the line delivery and context. some regis dialogue is just funny, especially when peter kenny voice acts them. 

things like regis telling geralt his travel plan is very well-concealed after dandelion gets done telling him everything about it (”and ingeniously concealed, no one would ever suspect the direction of your journey”), regis lifting the horseshoe from the fire and then challenging the priest to perform an exorcism on him, regis appearing to geralt and sitting next to him and during his monologue he’s mocking him and saying “it should be your exclusive right,” geralt saying “shut up, vampire!” during the fish soup scene when regis begins to give him unsolicited advice again. regis’s entire backstory being a blatant metaphor for alcoholism and the equivalencies to human culture (”driving while drunk” = “flying while drunk”), though macabre, are hilarious. regis telling angouleme "i’m not your uncle, dear child,” and she replies, “and i’m not your dear child, uncle!” WHILE ALSO riding on his mule as well. even to the very end, all of his lines and presence at stygga were brilliant. like “i feel such strength inside me, i could probably lay waste to this entire castle,” as he loses it. “beware? i didn’t come here to beware!” as he just charges vilgefortz absolutely unhinged.

honorable mentions

his liking of philosophy and sociology and discussions about all of this

you could argue that regis talks a lot because he probably doesn’t feel how long he’s been talking for. if half a century is “the blink of an eye,” then what’s 10 minutes of monologue?

all of the vampire powers are very cool and come on. i could have literally answered this ask with one word and that word would have been “bat.” he’s a fucking giant bat. that’s epic as hell

fun and tragic potential for his backstory.

meme potential in the fact that he is modest and calm by default. can you imagine regis saying “bitch” ??? or burstin out enthusiastically in song lyrics?? it cracks me up to think about him being out of character for a split second, just for humorous effect.

also yeah if twn and/or its fandom gets their hands on regis i wont know whether to laugh or cry

Can we make it very angst? But like, that I'm going to cry reading it, please?

So... back in time to Rio Olys: R was dating Carli and Hope for two years, BUT, the two were growing kind of annoyed with her because she was younger than them, like five years younger, and they seemed to get annoyed of every detail that they loved before, but they didn't want to break up because they really loved her and thought it was just a phase that would pass soon enough, the problem is in the meantime they pushed R to the side, like very bad, so R decided that she was going to get a trade to some club in Europe -which she did, but didn't tell anybody this- somehow the news came up right before the start of the game against Sweden and everyone got on edge because of it, especially H and C, so they have an argument in the lockroom and R being out of her game because she didn't expect that reaction from the team loses an easy goal that could give them the lead, after that she gets a red for a sloppy tackle, everybody knows that they lose the game and bye bye Olys, right? And then they blame R because of their loss and they blame R because of Hope suspension and then they argue very very very bad using a bunch of R's insecurities to hurt her, so she packs her things and disappears from their lives, refusing every call up and try to contact her.

Time skip to 2019 post world cup where R signs a short contract with Houston Dash and everybody is surprised about it, her comeback to the NWSL and all, but SURPRISE she's coming back so she can be near her new girlfriend Kristie Mewis! They met while Kristie was playing for Bayern and their relationship was just perfect, like so perfect that she got the biggest of smiles everytime she just thinks about Kristie, and they know everything about each other, every little detail and they're so happy, they don't show it to the others though.

2020 comes and R stays at Houston, no covid please, vehemently avoiding every contact the NT players try to have with her, but then we get the Challenge Cup and Kristie is called to the NT while they insist in call R up too and for their surprise she accepts it and goes with Kristie.

Hope is now the GK coach and Carli is Carli and the team is just trying to apologize to her about what happened back in time while Hope and Carli are shaken up because they have realized that they love her and then they trie to apologize too and get her back and R one night, in the middle of camp, because her just can take so much, stands up clapping her hands while Kristie is trying to calm her down and R yells "What happened is in the past where it should stay, I don't care if you all regretted all the cruel things you told me, I really don't, it doesn't matter for me anymore, live with it! I'm here because it's my place, I'm one of the bests and I've being proving it every single fucking day no matter where I am, own up to your mistakes, forgive yourselves and go on, because our relationship is extremely professional, I don't want to grab coffee with any of you in the mornings or do team bondings just fro the fun of it, I'm here to work, to practice, to play and to win and nothing more, so live me alone already because that's very tiring! And, oh, Carli, Hope, you had your chances, you thought what you thought and you said what you said, I don't feel anything towards the two of you now, honestly, I don't feel anything towards any of you for a long time because what you did with me, hahaha, was just so low, so dirty, so shameful, I don't even know how to begin explain what that did to my mental health, to me, fortunately I'm lucky enough to have found really good friends that I cherish the company, and a really really really lovely fiance that very soon I'll be calling my wife and I love her so so so much that every time I think about her I think I'll explode because she's just so perfect and amazing and patient and everything you couldn't be to me, so leave me alone for God's sake and go live your lives!"

And then Kristie pulls her in a really tight embrace saying she loves her and kissing her forehead while checking to see if she's okay and the team realizes who the fiance is and Sam is shocked for not knowing about it and goes on and on.

If you don't want to write it, I totally understand and it's really okay, but if you do write, thank u very much, I really appreciate it and make me cry :)

I really like this idea, I’ll definitely write it.

I’ll probably make a few tweaks to it when I get to writing it though. The speech will for sure probably change depending on how I write the whole fight/blow up scene

Sour- Chapter 1

Chapter 1: You’re a Right Bitch

Summary: Signing onto EMI records in the mid 80′s should have been a dream come true for Reader and her punk band, but she finds herself bubbling over with rage every time she interacts with the drummer from the successful rock band that records down the hall.

A/N: Hey lil cuties, I hope you enjoyed the teaser, it got a lot of good recognition which I’m happy about. Maybe i’ll actually do a tag list if anyone is interested (P.S. send ask if you are) and depending on how many people ask I’ll make but ONLY for this fic. If any of you have ideas for a name for reader’s band let me know because I’m writing the next chapter right now and I can’t think of what to call it, I was thinking maybe Sex Kitten, but let me know you’re opinion is always appreciated! This can be read as Ben Hardy!Roger Taylor and your feedback, likes, and reblogs are always greatly appreciated. 

Pairing: 80s!Roger Taylor x F!Reader

Warnings: Smut, hate fucking, degrading, alcohol, cigarettes, dom!Roger, swearing, fighting, unprotected sex, no foreplay, throwing up (from intoxication), age difference(maybe like 10 years, reader is probably mid- late 20s and Roger is close to 40), rog being kind of a c*nt, but reader also is, not proof read, grammar.

Word Count: 5.8k whoops

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Asks

18+ if you are a minor do NOT interact with this post. This is fictitious content and I own nothing.

<<<< Teaser

Signing onto EMI should have seemed like a dream come true, but it wasn’t. Not because you and your band had issues with the contract or the long hours spent in the recording studio, no, it was because of a certain drummer of a certain internationally known rock band that had been the absolute bane of your existence. You honestly had no idea how the two of you had gotten off on the wrong foot, maybe it was how loud your hot-headed drummer, Benny got when he was pissed off, or how Haz liked to play his guitar outside of the sound dampened recording studio or how your singer Joe sand loudly in the halls as the four of you left to go home, or maybe it was the fact that you told him you expected him to be much shorter from slouching behind his set. Come to think of it, it probably was the latter of the complaints you’ve gotten from the neighboring band.

The first time you met Roger Taylor was also your first day in the recording studio as an officially signed and contracted band. The group of you were leaving well past midnight, alcohol and cigarettes seemed to be the only way you four could make it through recording this late. As the group of you stumbled through the hallway, your laughter accompanied by Joe’s bass heavy vocals echoed loudly through the halls. Your troupe had just barely made your way to the first door before a head of messy blond hair and furrowed brows poked his head out from the neighboring recording room, “Would you shut your bloody traps, some of us are trying to record.” He snapped before loudly slamming the door behind him.

You and your bandmates froze, unsure of what to do or say. It wasn’t until Haz spoke up and shoved Joe “Yeah shut up, Joe.” He mocked while laughing. You couldn’t help but think of how familiar his face looked.

Just the thought of Roger Taylor was enough to make your mood sour for at least the next three hours. You frowned pushing the heavy doors to the outside open, inhaling the cool winter air. You needed to get out of that damn recording studio, it got so stuffy after having four people in there breathing the same air for hours at a time. You brought a cigarette to your lips and lit it, leaning against the brick building with your hands in your jacket pocket, the door next to you opened revealing your nemesis, Roger Taylor, much to your dismay. “Fuck now my cigarette is ruined.” You said blowing smoke out towards the air.

Roger rolled his eyes, “Piss off.” He retorted before walking past you and to his car to grab a few sets of spare sticks.

“Aw, not out here to join me for a smoke?” you joked.

Roger frowned and his face twisted into one of disgust “I’d rather eat a fist full of glass.” He spat at you bitterly.

You hummed taking a drag from your cigarette and blew the smoke directly in his face as he walked past you “Shame, we really could have bonded.”

Roger waved the smoke away from his face “Don’t you have to be a bitch somewhere else?”

Your face twisted as you stubbed your cigarette out with your boot “Don’t you have to bang on some pots and pans?” you retorted.

Roger rolled his eyes and pushed past you, throwing the door open and stomping down the hall. You waited a beat for him to make his way to Queen’s recording room before you followed suit. Seeing Roger Taylor in person was enough to sour your mood for a few days. You and your bad attitude made your way back to the studio, you loudly shut the door behind you which caught the attention of your bandmates. “What’s got you in a pissy mood?” Haz asked.

Benny smirked knowingly “You ran into roger while out on your smoke break, didn’t you?”  

You huffed “I swear to god I’m going to fight his arrogant ass one of these days.” You said while pacing, too worked up to sit down.

Joe walked out of the booth “Well if you’re done brooding, get in and record your bass line for the song. We’ve been wasting time waiting for you to get back in.” He sounded almost as frustrated as you were.

You nodded, picking up your bass and walking into the booth, you put the headphones on and allowed for the music your bandmates had recorded previously to fill your eardrums as you added your bass line onto their unapologetically loud post-punk beats.

The music stopped and you looked up from your bass, “You sound like shit.” Benny said, “Not like good shit, but like actual shit.” He added.

Your jaw dropped, “Excuse me?” you sounded shocked, “What?” You really couldn’t wrap your head around what Benny had just told you.

Joe nodded his head and gave you a sympathetic smile along with a thumbs down, “You should make it… make it more slappy I guess?”

You scoffed “Slappy? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Benny clicked on the speaking button again “It means, make it sound slappy. Like this,” He said singing a bass like.

You nodded your head “Got it.” You said and waved your hand signaling them to roll the tape. You chewed on your lip and listened for a minute to think of something to play before you let your fingers fly down your frets and strings. When you finished you looked back up to the window “Slappy enough for you?”

“Fucking brilliant, per usual.” Haz complemented into the mic.

Movement in the background caught your attention though, you walked closer to the window and squinted your eyes trying to see into the poorly lit sound booth to the door. Where some tall figures stood “What’s going on back there?” You asked.

Haz shifted nervously in his seat “Don’t worry about it, we have other songs to do.” You could see him swallow thickly behind the glass that separated the two of you.

You were suspicious but he was right, “Fine, roll the bloody tape.” You were frustrated, frustrated with your shit takes, frustrated with Roger, frustrated with the fact you didn’t know what was going on from the outside of this stupid little box. Through the middle of your little recording session you saw your bandmates recongregate in front of the soundboard. They whispered and talked amongst themselves while the producer sat next to them obviously eavesdropping, you abruptly stopped “Are you going to tell me who was at the door? Or should I just keep playing and not having you pay attention.” You said bitterly.

Benny rolled his eyes and paused the recording, “If you really need to know, Freddie Mercury invited us to a gathering at his house later this evening.” He said waving an envelope in front of the window.

“You’ve got to be joking.” You said, letting go of your bass and allowing it to drop and hand loosely from the strap around your shoulder.

“Honest,” He said raising his hands defensively.

You took your headphones off and switched off the mic before screaming “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” From behind the soundproof booth, that did it. You rage had finally bubbled over, you shoved over the table holding your water, extra pics, and notes before breathing deeply and regathering yourself. “Let’s roll the fucking tape so we can get ready, yeah?” You said, as your bandmates looked at you with shocked expressions behind the glass. “You lot catching flies, or are we going to fucking record, let’s go.”

As you recorded your bandmates sat in an uncomfortable silence before one of them finally spoke “I’ve never seen [Y/N] that mad at anything in my life.” Haz started, leaning back in his chair.

Joe nodded his head, still listening intently but joining in on the conversation, “Yeah, but I bet it’s because she hasn’t gotten a proper lay in ages.”

Benny cracked open his beer and took a big gulp before grunting in agreement “You think she fancies Taylor?” he questioned.

“Yeah, but she can’t deal with her feelings, you know that. She’ll destroy this whole damn studio before she admits that.” Haz pointed out.

Benny nodded his head “Right, well I guarantee she is going to be piss drunk tonight, so I’ll keep an eye on her.”

---

After your litter outburst in the studio the boys decided to call it a day after your last take to allow for you all to go home and get ready for Freddie’s party, Ben would be making arounds later to pick everyone up but that wouldn’t be an issue considering he was also your roommate. You rifled through your closet, struggling to figure out what to wear. Your typical style didn’t seem grand enough for a Freddie Mercury party, but you made do with what you had and opted for comfort instead of sex appeal.

“Try not to fight anyone tonight.” Benny said as the two of you got into his small car.

You obviously knew what he was referencing but preferred to ignore it “I won’t, it’ll be fine, I’ve never been in a better mood.” You said and flashed him a fake cheesy smile.

Benny rolled his eyes knowing he would have his hands full tonight.

The drive to Freddie’s lavish home was surprisingly short, which you were grateful for seeing as sitting in the car was making you stir crazy. A pit of butterflies had formed in your stomach, but you had no idea why you had this sudden onset of nerves. You got along wonderfully with all of the other members of the famous rock and roll band and often times would ring up John Deacon for advice on your playing. You didn’t mind his bluntly honest critiques or his back handed complements that would make any other person run and cry. You were not any other person in the sense that you and John were very similar in that sense. Being the bassists in your respective bands meant you had to stand up for yourself otherwise you would get pushed to the background and often forgotten about by fans. It was your mutual understanding for the struggles of being bassists and strong drinkers that caused your professional friendship to form.

The group of you made your way to Freddie’s front door and were let in by nicely dressed doormen, and the scene before you was unlike anything you could have imagined. You knew his parties were the stuff of legends, but a party of this stature could rival even the great Jay Gatsby. You quickly lit a cigarette and took a glass of expensive white wine from one of the waitstaffs’ trays, promptly downing the small glass and handing it back to them, “Shall we?” You asked nodding your head into the large crowd of people before you.

Before you knew it, your bandmates had been swallowed by the crowd, causing you to lose sight of them and anyone else you may have recognized as a matter of fact. You meandered through the crowd towards the bar where you saw a familiar head of iconic curly hair, “Brian!” You said, greeting him with a friendly embrace which he returned. “It’s so nice to see you outside of the recording studio.” You jokingly said.

He laughed and nodded his head, “Yeah same to you.” He took a sip from his drink, “I heard you and Roger got into another little spat.” He could see the remanence of frustration behind your cheerful expression.

Your smile quickly dropped and was replaced by rolling eyes and deep sigh, “Did he tell you that?” You asked, you could feel your frustration boiling over.

“You know he’s sensitive about his drumming.” Brian chimed in with a smirk, oh did he love stirring the pot between the two of you.

“Well I’m sensitive about being called a bitch.” You said quickly swallowing the mixed drink your ordered, hoping the alcohol would ease your frustration.

Brian’s lips quirked into a sympathetic smile, “I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”  That was a lie and both of you knew it.

You nodded, already nursing your next drink, these bartenders really did work at inhuman speeds “Right,” You said not believing his lie, “Where’s Fred and John?” You quipped.

“What, not curious about where the fourth member is?” Brian pressed, your silence caused him to put his hands up defensively “Only taking the piss.” He said, still smiling “Freddie is out back, and John is God knows where.”

You nodded your head before ordering another drink, back up if you will, and bidding Brian farewell before you pushed your way through the crowd to greet the host. Freddie was having a good time, per usual. You waved hello to him from the crowd of people, he yelled something you couldn’t hear over the music and reached for your hand pulling you into a warm friendly hug which you awkwardly returned given your hands were full. You handed Freddie your empty drink glass “What should I do with this?” You asked, he responded by taking the glass from your hand and throwing it out into the crowd of people, causing you to laugh while nursing your next drink.

You and Freddie laughed in your mutual drunken states “You know, darling, when Roger came back into the studio and mentioned how you said something about him banging on pots and pans I nearly died from laughter.” He said remembering the flushed and angry expression on his drummer’s face. “You know what I think?” He asked leaning into talk to you, you sipped your drink, looking up at Freddie wide eyed and pressing him to continue speaking “I think the two of you should fuck.”

You choked on your drink, coughing it all over the front of your shirt and wiping the dribble from your chin “What!” You asked in a shrill voice.

Freddie let out a bellowing laugh, “It would be brilliant, the two of you need a good fuck anyways.” He said trailing off at the end and taking a large sip from his highball glass.

“I can’t believe you would even suggest I sleep with that arrogant asshole.” You were honestly kind of offended that Freddie would group you with one of Roger’s lowly groupies.

“Hear me out, love.” He said, his stance wavering from the alcohol “Roger has had such a stick up his ass after quitting smoking and the divorce. I don’t think he’s gotten any decent pussy since we toured in the 80s and you? I don’t ever see you going home with any sort of eye candy.”

You rolled your eyes before you finished off your drink and set your glass on a table, “I don’t get any I’m the only female in a mostly male punk band, Fred.” You pointed out, using your now empty hands to light a cigarette, “I’m not even a lead, I just play bass.” You said blowing smoke out into the night sky.

“Oh rubbish, you’re a damn good bassist or John wouldn’t even give you the time of say.” What Freddie said was true. While John was harsh in his critiques, you knew it was only because he saw the raw talent you had.

You nodded your head only half listening to Freddie, your mind still caught up on trying to imagine how sex with Roger Taylor would be. A bitter frown crossed your lips, you would never fuck Roger Taylor, “I need a refill.” You huffed before promising Fred you would come back immediately after your drink. You pushed your way through the crowd, your arm raised as to not burn anyone with your lit cigarette. You tried desperately to find your bandmates, but alas due to the large crowd it was no use.

Either way, you needed another drink.

You quickly made you way to the bar back inside the house and ordered a shot of whiskey and chased it with a full beer before you ordered another mixed drink. The copious amounts of alcohol you had consumed were finally catching up to you, your face felt hot and flushed and your skin tingled delightfully. You hummed, sipping your drink and making your way to the bathroom to finally break the seal. After checking several of the first-floor bathrooms, only to find their handles locked you frowned in frustration and made your way up the stairs to the second level of Freddie’s mansion before you finally found an unlocked bathroom. You promptly went in and relieved yourself as you exited you ran into a surprisingly firm body, sloshing your drink and theirs on each other’s respective shirts “Who invited you here?” The voice sent a chill of frustration up your spine and to your alcohol flushed face.

You looked up, locking eyes with an equally intoxicated Roger Taylor, you huffed moving to push past him “Freddie did, the other members of your group actually seem to enjoy my company.” You said, once again moving to squeeze past him. Your efforts were to no avail, as he had firmly planted both hands on either side of the door, trapping you in the bathroom. “Get out of my way.” You said impatiently, crossing your arms over your chest.

“You’re always a right cunt you know that?” he said in a matter of fact tone.

You grit your teeth and clenched your drink harder “You’re the one that’s the cunt, maybe it’s all that groupie pussy that’s ruined your respect for women.”

Roger scoffed, here he was, nearly forty years old and throwing insults at some newbie punk rocker. “I don’t know if I’d call you a woman, maybe a failed guitarist sure, but a woman or lady not so much.” He said crossing his arms over his chest giving you a smug look.

“I think your sticks are too far up your ass, Taylor,” You spoke as you pushed past him. Before you had time to react you felt hands on your shoulders pushing you hard against with wall causing you drop the glass in your hands, allowing it to shatter on the ground and the breath to escape from your lungs, you groaned but didn’t know if it was from the pain of your back colliding with the wall behind you or from the adrenaline you felt rising in your veins and stomach.

Roger’s strong hands held you firmly against the wall and his calloused fingertips brushed against the skin on your collar causing a light shutter to run through your body “I have half a mind to shut you up right here.” He threatened, his usually bright blue eyes now clouding over with something much darker.

You didn’t know if it was the alcohol or the pressure of having his knee right between your legs, but you felt a sudden boldness “Do it,” You pressed, articulating your words and hoping to get a rise out of him.

With that, he pressed his lips against you with force, causing your teeth to clank together and your head to fall back, knocking against the wall. His roughness causing a sultry moan to slip from your lips, “You’re pathetic.” He hissed pulling your hair and tilting your head to expose your neck and leaving hot opened mouth kisses along your jawline to your neck where he harshly bit down causing you to shove him back.

Roger gripped tightly to your hips causing the two of you to stumble backwards from the force of your push “Take me to a bedroom and fuck me already.” You said impatiently. Freddie wouldn’t mind if the two of you had a quick romp in the sheets in one of his many bedrooms, after all he was the one that instigated the whole thing.

The two of you stumbled, a mess of tangled and drunken limbs as you fell back into the first open bedroom you could find. Roger flipped on the light switch, not breaking the kiss and revealing a large well decorated room with an equally large bed in the middle. He shut the door behind him with one arm and shoved you back onto the bed with the other. Your eyes caught your reflection in the side mirror, your hair was a mess accompanied by smeared make up and eyes clouded with lust.

You quickly slipped your boots off and lifted your hips to help Roger take your pants off. Quickly, he flipped you over and pushed you forward. You adjusted yourself, ass in the air and legs spread showing off your already wet pussy. Roger groaned looking at it and ran a finger through your slick folds “You truly are pathetic, you know that, [Y/N]? I’ve barely touched you and here you go making a mess all over Freddie’s sheets.” He inserted two fingers into you agonizingly slow and licked his lips feeling the tightness of you engulf him, “A shit bassist, shit song writer, shit musician, shit person…” He emphasized each of his words with the slow lazy thrusting of his fingers. You let out a choked sob, desperate for him to give you more, “What was that?” He asked smugly, “If you want to get fucked, you’re going to have to be louder for me.” He said before pulling his fingers out leaving you feeling empty.

You pushed back against hand, “No-” you said sharply. You spread your legs further and arched your back “Please,” you hated how he had complete control over the situation, but at the same time loved it.

“Please what?” He asked swiping the head of his cock between your damp folds, intently watching as your juices coated him.

“Fuck me.” You said softly, clenching the bedsheets.

He raised his hand and placed a sharp smack on your ass causing you to jolt “Ah, fuck. Just stick it in already Roger.” You hissed.

Without warning the blond lined up to your entrance and pushed in, not giving you time to adjust. He let out a choking groan, not expecting you to be as tight as you were, “Fucking Christ.” He hissed snapping his hips against yours with purpose.

You gripped the bedsheets and cried out, feeling him stretch your walls unapologetically. There was no foreplay and no care in how either of you handled each other, just wanton need mixed with the mutual resentment you had for each other.

Roger propped one of his legs up to angle deeper into you and leaned over, pushing the side of your face into the mattress as he relentlessly pounded into you, years upon years of frustration he couldn’t hold back. He fucked his failed marriage, arguments with the band, cigarette cravings, and the comments you made about how shitty you thought his drumming was into you as he drove you into the mattress. Your legs shook and eyes rolled into the back of your head from the pleasure you received from the new angle and you let out a string of garbled words neither of you could understand. “This whole party can probably hear how much of a slut you are.” He said slipping his thumb into your mouth to which you greedily sucked on, “I didn’t expect you to have such a tight pussy” He huffed and groaned feeling your walls flutter against him, “’Cos you seemed like such an easy lay.” He let out a breathless laugh, knowing how right he was.

Your arms had given out and were sprawled out in front of you and drool had started to dribble down your chin from Roger’s thumb pressing down on your tongue forcing your mouth open to hear your sinful cries, you knew your legs weren’t going to hold you up much longer and Roger knew that as well.

He quickly pulled out and flipped you over onto your back in a less than graceful manor before he hitched your legs over his hips and pushed himself back in, continuing his relentless pace. You reached your hand into his hair and tugged roughly on his while your other hand raked its nails down his back causing him to arch into your touch and his movement to faulter.

You were surprised to feel a hand slip between your legs and begin rubbing rough circles around your clit, guess chivalry wasn’t dead after all, you squirmed against his touch the stimulation almost becoming too much for you to handle. Your walls twitched, clamping down around Roger, earning a shuttering moan from him.

You were both close.

“R-Rog…” You let out a stuttering moan feeling your climax building in your gut.

“Come on, you can’t be that daft, use your words.” He huffed, gripping your chin to make you face him, “I want this whole party to know who’s fucked you by the time I’m done.” He said through gritted teeth.

You opened your eyes and your mouth hung ajar, breathing heavily as you made eye contact with the mess of a man before you. Roger’s shirt had ridden up, and his pants were half pulled down and accompanied by sweaty and matted hair, you hated how the look in his eyes caused your walls to clamp down hard on his cock, squeezing him as you reached your climax, yelling his name with a hoarse and cracked voice for the whole party downstairs to hear, and the face he made as clenched your thighs and hip and reached his own, releasing hot spurts of come into you. He hunched over you, letting out shaky breaths as he worked you through your orgasm. He hated you but wasn’t a monster.

Roger stopped and swallowed thickly while trying to catch his breath, you glanced over at the mirror seeing red scratched zig zagging on his back and sat in silence, wondering which one of you would cave first and break it. The drummer pulled out of you and tried to hide the whimper that escaped him at the feeling of your tight walls clenching around his sensitive cock but failed, before he tucked himself back into his pants, “Still think you’re a bitch.” He said tucking his shirt back into his pants and tightening his belt.

“You’re a shit lay.” You tried to insult as you got up, steps wavering and some of the evidence of your prior actions leaking down the inside of your thigh.

Roger bit his lip at the sight and watched you pull your pants up, “Right and the whole crowd downstairs couldn’t hear your pathetic voice five minutes ago.” He said before turning to leave, giving you a short wave “Ta,” he said and left, walking downstairs with no shame.

Your hips ached as you walked to the bathroom to clean yourself up, you hated how that was your first penetrative orgasm, and you hated the ache between your legs, and you hated the smug look on Roger’s face after he left because the both of you knew he was probably the best lay you’ve had. But you couldn’t find it in you to be angry, not while in your post orgasm haze. You walked down the steps, taking it easy, and made your way to the bar and ordered a mixed drink to quench your thirst, desperately hoping that the stares you received weren’t because these strangers knew you just had been fucked so hard you could still feel the muscles in your legs twitching or that you could still feel the remains of your and Roger’s essence leaking out of you even after you cleaned yourself off.

You ordered a shot and a beer, quickly down the shot and moved to drink the beer before it was taken from your hands. You turned to see Freddie nursing what used to be your beer with a knowing smirk on his face, “[Y/N],” He said in a sing song voice.

“I didn’t fuck Roger” You said defensively.

Freddie grinned and handed you back your beer which you promptly drank out of “I didn’t say that, but you just confirmed.” He nudged your side, “Was it good? You know I caught Roger walking down the steps and he flashed me this grin.” He paused to order a drink, “And you know what I said to myself? I said, oh no Roger only makes that face after he fucked a good cunt. Then what do you know” He shrugged in an animated fashion “I see none other than you, darling, walking down the stairs, stiff as a board.” Freddie was about to continue rambling before you cut him off.

“I hate him.” You said placing a cigarette between your lips and lighting it, inhaling deeply.

Freddie practically ignored your comment, “But it was good wasn’t it?” Your silence was all he needed to answer “See!” He pointed out.

As the night continued so did your consumption of alcohol, you felt your drink being taken out of your hands and a blurry figure and closed on eye to focus your vision. It was a very pissed off Benny, “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you since we got here.” He said, drinking your drink.

You whined and leaned onto Benny’s chest “Hey, I was drinking that.” Your words slurred together.

“You look like a mess.” He said wrapping an arm around you to help steady your poor balance, your make up was smeared, hair a mess, clothes wrinkled. But thankfully your drunken state covered for your earlier romp in the sheets. “We have to go home,” He said pulling you along, “Come on.”

Your steps wavered as you began walking out “Wait,” You said abruptly stopping, “I have to say bye to Fred.”

Benny rolled his eyes “You’ve been with Fred all night, I’m sure he’ll understand that we need to leave.” You let out a whiney protest, “It’s 4am, [Y/N]” he said as if pointing out the early hour in the morning was going to make you want to leave more.

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest and firmly stood your ground, “Fine, for god’s sake Joe go find Freddie.” Benny said running a frustrated hand through his hair.

To you what seemed like hours but was truly minutes passed and Freddie was before you, and equally as drunk mess as you were, hanging off Jim’s shoulder. The two of you held each other in a drunken embrace and Freddie kissed your cheek goodbye before Benny pulled you off.

As Benny and Joe practically pushed you into the car you caught sight of a familiar blonde who was also about to leave, you rolled your window down “Hey!” You shouted, catching Taylor’s attention “You’re a bitch!” You shouted, to which he flipped you the finger and yelled ‘fuck off’ as you and your bandmates drove away.

After dropping off your two other bandmates at home Benny draped your arm across his back and held you at the waist, as you struggled to stand. “’M gonna puke.” You said feeling your stomach doing flips and a sudden cold chill crawl up your spine and settle where your ears and jaw connected. You moved to kneel on the soft grass on the side of your parking area and your hair fell around your face as you retched, trying to use your arms to hold yourself up, they were so tired and your elbows jerked, threatening to give out.

Benny pulled your hair back, seeing a large and deep mark of varying shades of red and purple on your neck, “What the fuck is this?” He asked poking the side of your neck when you finished puking and started to regain your breath. You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and mumbled some incoherent words, “What?” He asked again.

“I fucked Roger!” You said loudly, sitting back on the concrete.

“Ssshhh,” He said putting a hand over your mouth “You’re going to wake the whole bloody neighborhood.”

You swayed in your seated position and fell into Benny’s chest, “I fucked Roger,” You said in a loud whisper.

“Yeah, I got that much.” Benny said, hooking his arms under your shoulders and pulling you up with him, the two of you made the long arduous walk to up to your apartment building. Benny laid you in your bed and unlaced your boots, you let out a huff still frustrated with yourself, “Was it good at least?” your roommate asked while handing you a glass of water.

You sat up in your bed and gulped it down “Yes,” you said in a defeated voice “But it doesn’t change anything, I still can’t stand the bloody prick.”

Benny hummed “Right,” He said nodding his head and taking the glass from your hands, “We can talk more about this in a few hours, the birds are chirping.”

---

When you awoke a few hours later you groaned, clutching your head feeling the insistent pounding of a hangover rattling through you and an ache between your legs, “Shit,” You said out loud remembering your actions from the night before. You got out of bed seeing you were still in last night clothes and slipped into an oversized tee shirt and put on some sunglasses to help shield your eyes from the bright light of day before you shuffled out of your bedroom and into the bathroom to find something to curb your headache.

You grabbed the pill bottle of over the counter pain killer and made your way to the kitchen for a glass of water and were greeted by your bandmates all in your living room. You opened your mouth to issue an apology for being a drunken mess last night but before you could get words out Joe interrupted you “Don’t worry, Haz puked all over the nice tile near Freddie’s pool right before we left so you weren’t the worst off.” Haz hid his face bashfully and nodded at you feeling your pain.

You grabbed a glass of water and made yourself comfortable in your usual spot in the living room, not caring that you weren’t wearing pants. You were comfortable enough with your bandmates and paid half the rent here so you really should be able to do whatever you damn well pleased in the place you called home. Much to your dismay you were already thrown a heap of questions “So I heard you fucked Roger last night.” Joe said bluntly.

You paused bringing your glass of water to your mouth to drink and were thankful your sunglasses hid your expression, “Yeah we fucked. What of it?” You asked defensively.

Joe made a face and put his hands up, “I was only making conversation.” He muttered bringing up his cup of tea before drinking it.

You were not going to hear the end of it.

Chapter 2: We Can Hate Each Other in the Morning >>>

Breakups and New Beginnings

I guess it’s weird to start my first post here with some topic like this. But I intend on just sharing my thoughts without thinking about who reads it or who doesn’t, who likes it and who doesn’t. One beauty of the internet is the anonymity, isn’t it? So enough for first words. I am here now and I am gonna do what I love to do and that’s writing down anything that comes up to my mind.  Breakups. Breakups are hard. They are always I guess but I feel like they’re even harder when you actually thought that that man you were with would be the one you share a bed with forever. The one that you have kids with and the one that you eventually settle with. And that being the case without wondering if it is the thing you really want. Without asking yourself if you are really truly happy. If those little things that hurt you every single day are really just “small things” and if they really can be overlooked. If it’s ok to be treated the way you were treated. If it is normal that you don’t get respect in a relationship.  Sometimes I felt like I was looking in the mirror and I couldn’t see who I am anymore. I could’t find myself anymore. I was so caught up in “loving” that man that I fully forgot what I wanted. And the moment of “awakening” caught me like a wave and swept me off of my feet: I don’t have to do this. The moment I realised that I don’t deserve this was the moment that set me free.  I don’t know why a lot of people stay in relationships that are abusive, are lacking respect or ones they’re simply not happy in. No, that is not actually true - I do know why. I have been there not just once and I didn’t use to leave. I couldn’t. And it’s only now that I am slowly figuring out why. I guess I think I deserved it. Maybe my opinion of myself was so absolutely bad that I just couldn’t imagine to leave someone for treating me like shit. I always thought I could save them, could change them, could show them that you don’t have to treat someone like that when you really love them. But guess what? It didn’t work. The moment the respect and the understanding and the caring is gone from just one side of a relationship, is the moment it is simply not going to work anymore. And you can talk about it with the other person a million and a billion times. It is always gonna be you that should apparently change or do something different. It is always your fault to be treated like that. (That’s actually  my “favourite” part: being blamed for the actions of someone else). That somehow you are the one that makes people angry and disrespectful and even agressive and violent.  This last breakup was very hard for me. It was probably the hardest I have ever experienced. Even harder than the one before where I got out of a relationship which was next level abusive. But this time I broke up. Not straight after that moment I mentioned before where I woke up and realised that I don’t have to put up with it and that I don’t deserve it. No. It was months later. It took me months to convince myself to do it although I knew it was the right thing to do. And it was so hard because he wasn’t the “bad guy” you’d imagine. He was lovely and nice when he wanted to. I mean everyone thought we were perfect. But we weren’t. I noticed all those things that weren’t right when I got out of the flat for a few weeks and was just alone: I am a very happy person. I smile a lot and I laugh a lot and I pull a lot of (to be honest not funny) jokes. I wasn’t like that in the relationship at the end. I started to laugh and smile less. I started to talk less (and I am a biig talker). I was always waiting for him to tell me to shut up. I always had to be quiet and sit on the couch watching series. (I hate doing nothing but that). Everytime I was making a joke I was told in a very serious tone that I was just not funny. I know. But that’s the joke about it, isn’t it? He thought I was hilarious at the start. What had happened? I had to do most of the work at home even though I also had a life with uni and work. But then I came home and I did the dishes and the washing and the cooking and that. (Mostly). Listening to excuses why my daily life wasn’t as hard as his (after I was out and about for over 12 hours a day that’s not a really nice thing to be told) and why he just can’t do anything “right now”. And I was walking on egg shells the whole time. Which is probably the main reason why it just had to end in the end. Everytime I told a story or said something he seemed to pick out one word or one sentence and started to argue with me about it. Every. Single. Time. He was a self-centered and arrogant narcissist. He thought he’d know everything better than anybody else (even thought he didn’t looking at just facts). He judged people the second he saw them. Judged their decision. Judged their life. Although he had never been in any situation like them ever before. I couldn’t be myself. He judged me for everything too and gave me the feeling that I did everything wrong and in the end that I was wrong. That me as a person is not right the way I am. He even made fun of me in front of other people and gave me the feeling of being stupid and useless. And I believed him. Until the day of my “awakening” I believed that it was me being the problem here. That I was the cause of all of that’s been happening. That I was the cause that he was simply a c*nt.  When I finally left him, he was devastated. He loved me. He loved me in his self centered narcissistic way. Apparently. His whole world broke apart. For round about two weeks until he got over me and went on to the next one. I felt so so bad for leaving him. Because even when I realised that that relationship was poisen for me and that I was my unhappiest self, in the end I stil cared about him so much. I felt how free and happy I was when it was over but still I asked myself if it was the right thing to do because it hurt him. And I don’t want to be someone that hurts someone else. And I am thankful that he got over a couple of years relationship in a couple of weeks seemingly... that made me feel less bad. A lot less. This is my life and I don’t deserve being stuck in a relationship that gives me nothing and takes evrything from me.  So if anyone ever reads this: If you are in an abusive relationship (no matter if mentally or physically) please please try to not blame yourself. I know it’s near to impossible and an abuser would always make you feel like you’re the cause of all the problems and you’re probably even afraid to leave. (I would’ve never left my last relationship before the one here, that was abusive as fuck, if the circumstances wouldn’t have ended it at some stage). It is a big step and it is crazy and it’s gonna be hard for a short bit. But it’s worth it. It’s your life. And no, you don’t deserve it. And I think everyone who knows someone that struggles to get out of a relationship like that should help and never look away!  So I guess this post is to new beginnings. I have moved on. I have learned and I have found real love. Unconditional and respectful love. And it is the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to a human being.  Love, Me

CW: Toxic relationships and emotional abuse

I wasn’t sure whether I should post this or not but I think it’s important to tell these kinds of stories and acknowledge them. It’s important to share experiences so other’s know they aren’t alone. I wrote it last summer when I was just out of a toxic relationship and I kept it hidden since. At the time writing it was a form of therapy for me, but reading it brought back too many memories. I’m not completely healed from this experience, but I am SO much better and reading it now I’m able to see how far I’ve come since. It’s important to talk about abuse and how it affects you rather than suppressing it. Talking about it is a huge part of how I get better every single day. This isn’t my whole story, but this is part of it:

Did I ever tell you

that I cried myself to sleep most nights? Either I was alone because you left or you acted like I was poison, as if touching my skin would leave you burned.

I tried as best as I could to wrap my arms around my body. I wished my mind and my arms would be comforting enough. I wished I could keep it all inside my head without feeling like I was going to burst, but it seeped through the cracks and I didn’t have enough hands to catch it on my own.

Did I ever tell you

You made me feel like there was nothing left and then you pulled me in again and again making me feel like I needed to stay.

You let me ride on the memories of the highs. Addicted to them. The only thing I had to hold on to when my mind was screaming that I didn’t deserve to be in this world.

I stopped crying and numbness took over. I was a vessel for my body but I didn’t really exist.

I was no one.

I took care of you, I took care of me, I took care of everything.

My eyes looked bruised.

Although it was from exhaustion, from anguish, from the constant aching in my heart and in my body.

I never knew what to say when people asked me if I was okay. I would just tell them I was fine.

Did you know that? Did you notice?

Remember when you told me you hated my friends? The people in my life tried so hard for you and you stepped all over them and I let you.

You refused to let me meet your friends or your family and being seen in public with me was shameful. I felt disgusting. I thought I wasn’t worth being seen.

Remember when you were supposed to come home because I needed you and instead you left for days? I waited. You drank alcohol and did cocaine and stayed up all night.

So I got a bottle of wine to drink alone and then I smashed it and I cried. I’m embarrassed to admit it. It sounds stupid. You’d call me dramatic, wouldn’t you?

Empty promises

Vacant heart

You took my pride, my happiness, my confidence.

You took me away from myself.

You made me feel completely worthless. You made me feel like I deserved the vulgar words you used on me.

F*ck you

C*nt

B*tch

A**hole

‘Are you fucking stupid?’ You would scream.

I was always wrong. My thoughts, my feelings didn’t matter.

Nothing you said ever followed through.

When I was sick you told me it was too much so I pretended my pain didn’t exist, yet I still cared for you. You took advantage of my empathy because you knew you could.

Did I ever tell you that I’m afraid of everything now? I’m afraid of noises and shadows and loud voices and swaying tree branches.

My body shakes now. I can’t stop making my own hands bleed.

Did I ever tell you that I have nightmares?

Nightmares of your face, of your words, of your voice? Nightmares of you still trying to convince me that I’m worthless. That I deserve nothing.

Your feelings were the only ones that mattered. You’re selfish. You ignored my hurt. You never took responsibility for your actions and you probably never will. It took you finding someone else and fucking them in MY bed to admit this to myself because I was terrified of you.

That’s the only thing I want to thank you for because that finally gave me the courage to leave.

Since I'm posting this on FaceBook too, where many of my mom's older friends follow me: you are old, and you are fat.

But wait, keep reading!!

Now, I don't like Jeeps. I find them cliche, ugly, and have never known a Jeep owner that wasn't an asshole. That is a coincidence, I know, but just saying. But, if I walk past a Jeep in a parking lot, I'm not going to stop, point at it, and scream, "THAT'S AN UGLY JEEP, I DON'T LIKE JEEPS, NO ONE SHOULD DRIVE JEEPS, EW!!"

I went way off track, right? Not really. I had a big boss, she was fat with nice curly hair and a sweet face and her legs weren't bad at all, with small feet. She was cocky and joked a lot but one day she hung her head and said she felt "fat and ugly." I was like HELL NO, you're not. And I meant that. She was really pretty, just fat. Being fat doesn't stop people from being attractive, it is truly a matter of preference.

Singer Lizzo did that nude shoot and ALL these people (mostly fit yuppy whites it seemed) started calling her a poster child for diabetes. Okay, yes, obesity is not healthy, but, PEOPLE FUCKING KNOW THAT. Fat people get health facts drilled into their heads by their doctors, the news, and society. They know they're fat, and they know the risks.

Also, some people are just naturally big, and it feels good when society embraces all body types and has plus-sized models. So, let it go! There is something wrong with you if you're going to stop and scream at a Jeep because you don't like them. There is something wrong with you if you are going to shame a fat person because you don't like their body and want to be holier than thou.

I had this friend on FaceBook, had known him like 4 years, and he posted a picture of a big black woman, this random lady standing in line at a bank and compared her to an ogre. So I posted, "why? Because she's fat?" He didn't reply and unfriended me. See how petty this fat-shaming is? Do you think he would have laughed if that same lady posted a picture of him and pointed out how close together his eyes were? I'm going to point out people's flaws here because guess what: no one is perfect. We're all just a bunch of smelly animals pointing out that our peers stink.

So back to y'all being old and fat: WHO CARES. I look at my mother's age 60+ friends, some of which aren't that big on their looks or like taking selfies, and think "these are good looking people."

No one is expected to be a size 2 or firm at 65, and anyone that says otherwise is a douche, just like the rest of fat shamers. Body shaming is fucking stupid, are we all meant to be the same Barbie/Ken doll? No!! So comb your hair, smile, and celebrate your age and shape. It's 2020!

As you all know, my poor ex had a battered face and no teeth from a horrific street life in California. So on social media some guy hit me up: bald, bodybuilder type, big nose, but whatever. I love to make friends, I don't care about your race, gender, orientation or background!! First thing he does is ask about the "old guy" in my pics. I said, that's my boyfriend, he's my age but has had a rough life. Dude: "He looks old and ugly, can't you do better than that?" I said, "but this is coming from an ugly bald c*nt?" He was at a loss for words, he couldn't fathom having HIS appearance put down. Now, I shouldn't have said that, but it all comes down to these basic points:

We all have preferences, everyone is different, and if you have to shame someone over their looks then you need to look at your own. Chances are you're already insecure about them which is why you're a bully. All the perfect tight gym rats bullying people? The ones with the expensive dental work? Their low esteem goes way deep, that's why they have to play themselves up so much. I'm not saying every gym nut model type is like that but it is common. I can't count the times they've put me down.

So: Acceptance. Accept yourself and accept others, don't follow a pattern of abuse if you grew up being told you weren't good enough. Break the cycle and spread kindness. Stop negative obsessions over body types.

If we all put as much effort into finding a cure for cancer as we do condemning other people's looks it would probably be figured out by now, lol.

Stay humble, y'all.

Favorite video games of all time?

Get ready for a LONG post, folks! However…allow me to break this down to my three favorite video game genres: Fighting games, RPGs/JRPGs, and Platformers/Action Platformers (both 2D and 3D). However! Since I feel like these posts are gonna take MUCH longer than I thought it would, I’m just gonna divide the genres into separate posts. But for now, let’s stick with the…

FIGHTING GAMES!:

Dragon Ball FighterZ: My number one favorite (traditional) fighting game of all time. My favorite ArcSys game of all time. My favorite Dragon Ball game of all time. This game is the reason how I got into the Dragon Ball franchise back when I’ve had to little to NO interest in the franchise, even when I’ve watched the ENTIRE Namek saga from the original anime back in 2009. The game’s GORGEOUS art style, every character animation’s (such as specials, supers, intros, victory poses, and ESPECIALLY the Dramatic Finishes) faithfulness to the original manga AND anime of Dragon Ball Z and other DB properties (such as GT and Super), the AWESOME soundtrack (courtesy of ArcSys theirselves, who’re known for awesome music in their games), the 3v3 gameplay, the character roster (though I’ll admit that having five Gokus and Three Vegetas is rather silly), having a new character design by DB creator Akira Toriyama himself, and lastly, being a breath of fresh air to those new to the fighting game genre (since the genre itself is notorious for its high learning curves) AND to Dragon Ball fans who were sick and tired of having the story of DBZ recapped over and over and over AND OVER AGAIN is a fucking sight to behold. This game FUCKING RULES (and a million times better than MvC:I). However, I wouldn’t call it perfect. I’ll admit that the Story Mode is rather lackluster, Arcade Mode is rather lacking, the Shop is completely randomized, and the Online Mode, much like every other fighting game, suffers from lag, spammable players, or just outright ragequitters. That, and the fact that, unlike MvC3 and BB:CTB, every character assist only sticks to ONE attack (meaning that more than one character is gonna have a Kamehameha assist), and that MOST PLAYERS you’re gonna run into is gonna main the likes of Cell (who ENJOYS dragging out combos for as long as possible), Adult Gohan (like Cell, also drags out long combos), and Vegeta (Super Saiyan, because of his assist. Need I say more?). But aside from those flaws, it is hands down the BEST fighting game I’ve ever played, next to…well, below.

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate: My number one favorite (unique) fighting game of all time. My favorite Nintendo game of all time. Series creator Masahiro Sakurai is a man that I’d like to describe as…well, not only doing the impossible and HIGHLY respected, but also putting those filthy naysayers about certain characters in their place. The fact that the whole point of Smash Ultimate was to include EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER FROM SMASH 64 TO SMASH 4 (Wii U and 3DS), INCLUDING EVERY THIRD-PARTY CHARACTERS DESPITE THE LICENSING AND DEVELOPMENT ISSUES THIS WOULD CAUSE is another sight to behold. FUCK Melee, THIS is hands-down the best Smash game of all time! The inclusion of Spirits, the Adventure Mode, the Boss battles, the gameplay, the kind of chicanery you can pull, the game’s main theme “Lifelight”, the roster, the soundtrack…there’s just ALOT about this game that I just fucking adore. What can you make folks more hyped about this game? Oh, I don’t know…why not shock everybody with JOKER (from Persona 5) AND BANJO & KAZOOIE (who’s still owned by Microsoft) being in the game. What I love about Smash Bros is how Sakurai is just outright defies those say certain characters can’t appear in the series for silliest (or justifiable) reasons. Cloud can’t be in Smash because his game was never released on a Nintendo console until 2019? No problem! Ridley’s too big therefore he can’t be playable? Fuck that! Banjo & Kazooie can’t be in Smash because they’re owned by Microsoft of the Xbox brand? It’s fine! Why? “Because I AM HERE!” -Banjo (JK, but seriously, the fact that Banjo’s in was quite a surprise.) Smash 4 is the reason how I got into Final Fantasy VII, and I hold the entire Smash series in high regard for doing so. Goddamn, do I love this franchise! But! Again, it’s not perfect. The Online Mode is MUCH worse than DBFighterZ (to the point where you’re more than likely to end up in a battle with Items TURNED ON or stages with distracting hazards, OR end up fighting the SAME fucking characters I hate fighting against, such as Little Mac, Falco, Inkling, Incineroar, etc.), and that fighting against EVERY single spirit in the Adventure Mode to get 100% can get rather tiring (not to mention that you gotta get BOTH bad endings from fighting Galeem solo AND Dharkon solo), lack of additional content upon release (Stage Builder and Home-Run Content weren’t even implemented into the game at first), and lastly (although these two complaints are one of more personal matter and one towards Square Enix), the fact Zero from Mega Man X, my favorite video game character is ASSIST character instead of a playable was really heartbreaking to see (but hey, I’m not complaining TOO much since I enjoy interacting with him in my free time in Training), and lastly, the fact that Cloud, and to high extent, Final Fantasy VII AND the FF franchise as a whole has LITTLE TO NO representation in this game whatsoever (again, I feel like this was more of SE’s fault than Sakurai’s). No spirits, no “Fighter Spirit” artwork from the original FFVII, no Assist characters, not being dubbed in English AGAIN (though this was more of a contract issue with SE), no additional music on Midgar, NOTHING. But, nonetheless…this game is fucking awesome.

Blazblue: Cross Tag Battle: Ahahahahaha! Ah…Oh, Blazblue…I love this franchise oh-so much, but the fact that it hasn’t received the same treatment as Guilty Gear lately (not to mention the mainstream Blazblue games, aka the C-series, has pretty much came to an end) is a rather sad sight to see…depression aside, I love Blazblue. I REALLY do! I love the characters, I love the stages, I love the music, the story is confusing as FUCK, but it’s a fighting game franchise I’ve discovered WAY back 2012 and I still love to this day, even more so than Guilty Gear (don’t @ me). So…what to do now? Could there perhaps be another Blazblue game? A game that just so happens to be a crossover? One just as awesome as Smash Bros? Ooh! How about…PERSONA 4?!? UNDER NIGHT IN-BIRTH?!? A FRANCHISE THAT, LIKE DRAGON BALL AND FFVII, I’VE HAD NO INTEREST IN UP UNTIL 2018 (aka RWBY)?!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAA- Fangasm aside, the fact that this game even EXISTS is an achievement in its own right. As stated before, this game is the reason how I got into RWBY. What I really love and adore about the game are the interactions among the characters. That, and I was SO HAPPY to hear that the game would be dubbed in English, after GG:Xrd Revelator and BB: Central Fiction lacked a dub. I was not only excited to hear the likes of Ragna, Noel, and Hazama voiced in English again, but I was also happy to hear that any characters who’ve never been dubbed in English in the past (characters from UNIB, newcomers in BB:CF, etc.) would be dubbed in English as well. Hell, the fact that the characters from both Blazblue AND Persona 4 (two franchises/games I really love) being in the EXACT same game together was enough to make me be all like “Shut up, and take my money!”, considering how crazy excited I was in the past to see them interacting with one another via fanart and fanfiction (thanks to the Persona 4 Arena games being developed by ArcSys). And if you thought having only THOSE four franchises in the game was enough, you’d be wrong! Here’s Arcana Heart! Here’s Senran Kagura! Here’s a FIFTH character from RWBY: Neo Politan! This game, much like DBFZ and Smash Ultimate, is awesome. However, complaints I do have towards the game are the Online Mode (although the chibi interactions are cute and adorable and I will praise the Online Mode for that, and ONLY THAT), Gordeau from UNIB is still a problem, the rest of the half of the roster is entirely DLC, lack of additional content upon release, the control scheme is WAY too simplistic (even moreso than DBFZ), and lastly, while I love the sprites ArcSys did for RWBY, the reused sprites from Blazblue, Persona 4 Arena, and UNIB is also a complaint I have (but a minor one, mind you. They could’ve just easily redone the sprites specifically for this game, but…no). And while this game isn’t exactly in my top two favorite fighting games, it’s definitely in my top THREE. Also, I have yet to actually to play the Story Mode of this game, but I haven’t yet, therefore, I hold no opinion on the story as of currently. Marvel vs Capcom-styled traditional fighting games are hands-down, my go-to preference for traditional fighters.

Dissidia (and Dissidia 012): Final Fantasy: Forget Dissidia NT, THIS game (mostly Dissidia 012) is what an awesome 3D Action Fighting game is about! Much like how Smash Ultimate’s a unique fighting game (a Platform Fighter), this game is also a unique type of fighting game, possessing RPG elements and just having a blast with its awesome combat system. Cloud and Sephiroth were just so much fun to play as, with Terra, Squall, and WoL being my other favorite characters in this awesome game. This game is also essentially a HUGE homage to Final Fantasy as whole. From the ongoing conflicts between Cosmos and Chaos, to MULTIPLE references to the character’s original games, to additional modes that involve unlocking the likes of Gilgamesh from FFV, or fighting against the most frustrating secret final boss I’ve ever had the displeasure of fighting against (Feral Chaos), these games are awesome! Also, the reason why I’m addressing both games as a single installment here is because technically, while Dissidia 012 IS a prequel, it pretty has the same content (no, scratch that, MORE content) from the first Dissidia game and it’s pretty much an updated…well, not a “port”, per say, more like an enhanced re-release, much like Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3 or any of the Blazblue EXTEND re-releases. However, complaints I have for Dissidia is that certain characters are annoying to fight against (such as Jecht, FUCK that character), the RPG system takes a while to build up until your favorite characters are FINALLY at Level 100, trying to get the rarest Equipment is rather difficult, and lastly, the action commands for certain character’s EX Bursts can be retooled for the sake of a proper fighting game, but then again, Dissidia ain’t a “traditional” fighting game. But aside from that, not only is this my favorite Action RPG/Fighting game of all time, but this is also my favorite Final Fantasy Spin-Off of all time.

Tatsunoko vs Capcom: Ultimate All-Stars: What’s that? You were expecting a Marvel vs Capcom game to be on this list, let alone my top 5? Too bad! It’s Tatsunoko, baby! This one definitely holds a spot in my heart as this game stands as my number one favorite “Capcom vs Whatever” game of all time (yes, even moreso than Marvel vs Capcom itself OR any of the SNK vs Capcom games, don’t @ me). I love this game. I love its soundtrack (ESPECIALLY its main theme, “Across the Border”), I love the roster (despite being small), I love the final boss of the Arcade Mode (Yami, from Capcom’s Okami), and I love the gameplay. My complaints goes towards the lack of additional content outside of Arcade and the Gallery (although the top-down shooter minigame is rather fun), and, as stated before, small roster. But other than that, this game was really fun to play.

OTHER FAVORITE FIGHTING GAMES:

Sonic Battle, Persona 4 Arena Ultimax, Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3, SvC: Chaos, and Blazblue: Chrono Phantasma.

Coming up next: My favorite RPGs/JPRGs!

Director's cut for the shower scene on the Gigi/Rino fic, please?👀👀👀

Way to be direct, I see 👀!

So, let’s see. I had just gotten out of the previous chapter which had obviously drained me emotionally with feels™ (might be my fave chapter with number 6 !). I was crying almost once every day because of finals coming up and that new master degree they compltely fucked up and the lack of communication from teachers. A hellish month tbh and that fic really was an escape to just try to calm down and focus on something else for a little while.

I had basically the rest of the chapters mapped out from chapter 3. Since I decided it would be a 7 chapter fic, linear and a Friends to Lover, I had landmarks on chapters. Chapter 1 served as the meeting, 2 as properly meeting, 3 as being friends and also contrast Rino’s and Gigi’s career with Italy NT while they’re actually the same age (can you fucking believe asedrftygh ! And same month as that ! Should exploit that piece of info next time !) : with Gigi having been precocious, debut in 1997 and 3rd gk in 1998 while Rino mainly played with Andrea with the U23 and pretty much had his debut with him (not the same game but the same year. The amount of games I researched on football database to have the exact dates, games and month the three of them were with Italy, I swear aqzserdtfygh).

Chapter 4 was inevitable. When I saw the progression of my fic, I just knew I had to talk about the 2003 and then the depression that followed since I sticked with Gigi’s POV throughout that fic. And so, chapter 4 was the growing closer part, the first sign they might care more than they think. I had a brief moment of hesitation of putting the first kiss in that chapter but I quickly decided against it as the was neither the right time nor the right place to do so. The focus was essentially on the depression, on recognising that that’s what it was and finally realising he needs help, as in therapy (as seen with that piece of dialogue : “And I can’t help as you need to.”).

So yeah, all these paragraphs (see I can’t stop talking when you launch me), to say that in the logical course of action, the kiss needed to happen in chapter 5. Since I already had the ending (chapter 7 and what a fucking blessing for Sandro Nesta to marry in 2007, t’was the best gift to my timeline !) and obviously the 2006 World Cup indulgement. I also must say that seeing you thirsting for that first kiss after chapter 4 was a pure delight and boost zqasedrftyg. Now, I had no fucking idea how to put the kiss into action, looking at the prompt lists. My only clear point was that “Gennaro” was to be used. If you followed closely, I’ve tried to play on names and how Rino he’s referred to by Gigi as the fic goes on. He’s first “one midfielder of Perugia” and “Gennaro Gattuso” full, matter-of-factly, then it’s “Gattuso” when they have lunch with Pirlo. And from chapter 3 on, he becomes “Rino”. That was also another, more subtler, way to show the evolution of their relationship. So, even though I didn’t know yet how I would write the kiss, I just knew that Gigi would use his first name and not his nickname in the crucial moment (aka… seconds to the kiss, lips only centimetres apart). I thought there was something intimate in play here in using his full first name and not just the nickname as everybody else does, like a secret only Gigi knows of and has the right to utter. Rino didn’t use “Gianluigi”, though but mainly because in the first “Gigi, I…” he’s not yet sure of what’s gonna happen, it’s “Gennaro…” that prompts the whole thing and makes Rino abandon any doubts he may had had still; and in the second “Fucking hell, Gigi…” he’s not really thinking straight (pun intended 👀) obviously and utters the first words he can comprehensibly forms, the first thought that can come out of his mouth. That’s to be made up for in chapter 6 with the use of “Gigione”.

(my god where’s my option to turn that ask into an audio post, it’s beginning to look like a dissertation azsedrftgy)

I chose the showers as setting because I had the first sentence of the fic, looking once again at the prompt lists and I just knew then that would also be my closing sentence after the kiss. The rest pretty much wrote itself, trying to keep up links in between chapters to keep the linearity of it all. The Rino popping in in Turin from time to time and taking the couch, the fact he now has his reserved blanket in Gigi’s home and the “A couple of times, Gigi had woken him up and asked if he could come sleep with him…” was kind of a wink to your (and a lesser extent my small contribution) Chiello/Monto Domestic fluff challenge. Turin and Milan are truly close, after all and I just love the trope of the popping in of one “by accident” (yeah sure) to take care of the other. I also like to imagine Rino on the phone and trying to be all grumpy and threatening to bribe some of the Juve players (mainly Zambrotta (and Alex but he didn’t need that to check on Gigi) who then spread the word to the others) to pop in into Gigi’s flat and have them tell him how he’s doing. It all added to show again how their bond evolved again and the process of them thinking about the other more and more, even when they’re not together.

And so the shower scene (yes, finally zqasedrftgyujik). I just love them, honestly (and I had no idea you did to !!). There’s the symbolic of water washing away not just dirt on your skin but whatever else : here, thoughts, trying to calm down for Gigi and for the kiss, it’s more about stopping to fool around, wash away the masks, the doubts, the uncertainties that comes with the “I might like him a lot but does he like me back ?” and stuff like that. There’s also the nakedness which reinforces the fact that, they’re bare, no place to hide, that’s them in all they have to offer, in their whole honest and truest way. Which is why I tried to make it as much non-sexual as I did (although, re-reading it, I may have insisted on that point too much which kind of spoils it, but I tried and that’ll be helpful to remember in the future). I made the shower booth as small as possible because… Reasons obviously (also, the showers in my taekwondo club are fucking small, I can barely wash my feet without murdering my knees every two seconds, so they were obviously an inspiration). Then I asimply had to use hot shower because a) that’s always more agreeable, b) it fits with the whole “Rino’s energy burns Gigi and he can’t get enough thing, and c) THE STEAM™ ! With the steam, there’s the whole point we already discussed in the comments of blurry lines, ethereal atmosphere that comes into play. It was also a way for me to show it all seemed like suspended in time, as if the steam hid them from the rest of the world.

I must add that I did not exactly meant flip-flops when Rino enters the showers as for me flip-flops are, well… flip-flops with the thing going between your big toe and second toe. But what I actually meant was this kind of sandals which are basically a sole and a strap below the toes (like this) because that was a fucking hilarious image to me and considered a mood-killer/most unsexy thing for some. The fact that Rino joined Gigi was just… Logical. Well, obviously for reasons since otherwise, there wouldn’t have been any kiss. But that’s also the level of comfortable they get with a) the dressing rooms and b) their evolving bond and so yeah, considering the two of them, it’s no biggie for Rino to share the booth, however small with Gigi. I mean… The water’s already hot and running, why use another booth 👀! Also I’m a sucker for wet hair and the glory that was Rino and Gigi’s hair at the time just needed to be wet and highlighted here, that’s all.

Anyway, that got long, sorry (or not) ! Thank you so much for the ask

this is going to be like a very long, detailed, and mostly my personal observations and notes. as it was my first time seeing neymar and the brazil nt in person, i want to remember everything i can while its still fresh. it was a very exciting and at the same time surreal experience because i see those people all the time on tv games and now there they were few feet away from me...

i took the photos and videos. i am usually pretty good at that but i guess the excitement got the better of me because they did not come out fabulous. tumblr is being stupid with not letting me upload more then one video in a post, and i wanted everything together, so i ended up putting them up on youtube.

the hotel 9/3/2018.

so first i went to the hotel (very close to where i live) on monday 9/3. as it was labor day, i was off work and at a bbq/pool party abt 10 miles from home for the day. brazil nt was scheduled to leave the hotel for their first training at 4pm so i left the party early and, after some traffic drama, made it to the hotel little after 3.40pm. there were not too many people so i had a decent view but i also moved around a bit. some of the support staff was coming out already. a few minutes later, firmino was the first i saw, he waved and went straight to the bus.

then a group of marquinhos, douglas costa, fabinho etc came out together. only marquinhos paid any attention to the fans, waving and smiling but didnt stop.

then another group, including casemiro.

then alisson came out. he was really sweet, smiled, stopped with the fans, signed stuff. interacted the most of anyone else with the fans. 

then another group - i think richarlison (idk him really), filipe luis, thiago silva. thiago was just as nice as alisson, stopped with the fans, signed stuff. he looked to me a bit shorter irl then on tv...

willian came out alone next.

at this point, it was almost 4pm, my excitement had totally built up and i was so anxious to see my boy ney. i started thinking that maybe he will get there separately cuz i hadnt seen coutinho and tite either. but there he was! coming out last with barely a minute to spare before 4pm (the timestamp on my photo is 3:58:59pm lol). he was the very last one to come out, chewing on something, with his typical swagger. he waved but didnt stop and the bus left as soon as he got on. he looked just as hot in person as on tv, the cameras dont lie lol. really handsome and very very sexy! i mean, i expected it, i have seen his photos lol but omg he looks so damn good you cant help those dirty thoughts! i felt like an absolute fangirl! this is neither here or there, but he looked to me a little bigger then i expected. just kinda...fuller?

i only took one photo of him cuz i wanted to look at him with my own eyes rather than thru the camera ;)

it was such an incredible experience seeing neymar and the rest of the guys in person so close that i was shaking after! like for real my hands were shaking, my legs were shaking. and i couldnt stop grinning for a good half an hour after. i went to the boardwalk to calm down a bit and just absorb the experience. people passing by probably thought im crazy or reading love letters on my phone or something cuz i just couldnt stop grinning but i didnt give a flying fuck what they were thinking - i had just seen neymar!

my notes and impressions:

1. OMFG I SAW NEYMAR FROM FEW FEET AWAY. just that, my brain was really way too frazzled to process any other impressions lol

the game 9/7/2018

so after some c. drama, despite my initial hopes, i had accepted that i am not going to go to the game. and then the day before i find out I AM GOING!!! i was so freaked out with excitement lol!!!

getting there was so frustrating! first i had forgot to charge my phone before leaving work so i only had like 30% which was nowhere near good enough for my plans of copious pics and vids. so i had to run into a bodega to buy a charger for the car. then for some complicated reason we had to leave from the ues and fucking DRIVE. crosstown. on a friday. at 6pm. straight thru freakin time square with its gazillion tourists. on top of rush hour. even though the schedule said 8pm, the tickets said the event starts at 7.30 and i wanted to be there early to see the warmups and at 7.02 we were still not even inside lincoln tunnel ffs! i was FUMING and ready to jump outta the car and start yelling at the other cars to get a goddamn fucking move on i got places to be people to see! just ugh. so frustrating. the only upside of taking so long to get to the stadium was that by the time we got there my phone was almost 100%...

anyway, finally at 7.25pm we got there and thru all the checks etc (my joke of a miniature purse was shown as an example to another girl with a slightly bigger purse and praised by security for being perfect size which pissed me off because of their dumbass rules it had is smaller then my regular WALLET ffs and it barely even fits my phone so in no way is it a ‘perfect size’ except maybe for dolls or tiny aliens. but they had the stupid clear bag / tiny purse rule in effect and all i cared at that point was getting in so whatever. still, fucking terrorists. obviously also for more important reasons than just being the cause of my having to have a tiny purse but yeah fucking terrorists). 

the stadium was buzzing already. apparently the 7.30 start was for the warmups so perfect for me. this was the view from our seats.

when we got to our seats, the usa team was out already. and the canarinho was interacting with fans. and then brazil came out. 

ney was warming up with coutinho

after stretches, he did some practice shooting. this one didnt go in.

after that the team went back inside and the canarinho came behind the barriers to interact with the fans (photo below especially taken for a.)

time for the teams to come out. for some reason the tunnel was on my side of the stadium but the benches were on the other side and they lined up there for the anthems. (again, for a.)

then the us anthem and, since we dont do things here on a small scale, the flag rolled out was the size of the whole stadium lol

in the first half neymar was playing in front of me. in the beginning of the game i took a few photos and then i stopped because i wanted to watch the game and see with my own eyes not concentrate on the phone... still, here they are

here is the penalty. i didnt catch it go in because i was looking at it happening rather then my phone. i also removed the sound cuz there was screaming when it went in lol. it was a VERY soft penalty btw...

my notes and impressions:

1. it was a friendly so not surprisingly, it was not an edge-of-your-seat game. still brazil dominated the crap out of the usa team. the difference in class and quality was glaringly obvious.

2. it was strange not supporting my country’s team. but only when i thought about it. otherwise my soccering heart belongs to brazil 100%, without a doubt.

3. watching a game live vs tv: both have pros and cons. again, after watching every week on tv, seeing these guys live in person is simply incredible. just absolutely surreal. like, they are moving, running, kicking right in front of you. you can hear the ball being kicked. feel the tension. see what they are doing without the ball. watch their interactions away from the camera. feel the power of the crowd. its just so much more immersive. at the same time, watching at home the curated game content is... convenient. you get closeups. you get facts from the commentators. your bathroom is nearby (i did carefully time my liquid intake that day to avoid venturing into stadium bathrooms and thank god it worked lol). so imo, watching a game on tv is not really that much worse then watching it live. i always felt like i am getting a completely filtered version on tv and it is filtered but it is not horrible. yes, you are missing out on stuff but its not a total loss.

4. the stadium was about 40% full, 32k of 82k capacity. but it felt more like 2/3, probably because on the other side many sections were not even open so most everyone attending was spread out in one long side and the two goal sides.

5. brazil fans were out strong! i’d say about 70% of the people were brazil fans, and of those about 90% had on brazil jerseys. yellow galore lol. the usa fans were constantly chanting but when the brazil fans decided to make the effort they drowned them out easily and completely!

6. the usa fans were in the section behind one of the goals. throughout most of the game i thought oh cute they are constantly singing their hearts out supporting their clearly outplayed loosing team. then they did iceland’s viking chant. yes, it is a cool chant but its iceland’s. idk why so many have been plagiarizing it! first portugal did it in the wc, then i saw another, and now the american outlaws (the usa ultras)... let iceland have its thing people. i did not appreciate it but no big deal. BUT then they did something that pissed me off - few minutes before neymar was substituted in the 80 min they chanted fuck neymar. i was not best pleased to say the least! lick sweaty balls jealous motherfuckers!

7. we did a wave that went around the stadium like 4 times!

8. there was a small group of 13-14yo girls right behind us that whenever ney touched the ball or looked our way screamed ‘neymaaaarrr, neymaaaaarrrrrrrr, vaiiiiiii, vai neymaaaaaaarrrrrrrr’. one girl in particular was especially shrill and vociferous in her dedication to ney. no sense of decorum whatsoever lol. my bf was smirking at me and was like why dont you go sit with them. i on the other hand was thinking that while i wouldnt go sit with them, if some of my tumblr girls were here.... well those girls wouldnt even know what hit them!

9. i would definitely go to a game again! 

10. while the seats we had were really good, i wish there was an option to be even closer and still see the whole pitch. then again, for me it would probably only qualify as ‘close enough’ if im allowed to run along the sidelines lol. but then i wont really be able to watch the game. (hey maybe i can hang from the skycam hahaaaa!). yes, i am a neymar fan but i am also a fan of the game so i want both. i did not have any input in the choice of these seats but i think it was a good trade off - the closest where you can both see the guys and actual game. if i have to pick the tickets for the next game (hopefully i will go again some time!), i would be tempted by the lower levels but the barriers are pretty high so... i would probably go for the same - second level first row.

11. there was a guy sitting next to me with his date and he was trying to be all knowledgeable and impress the girl but half the stuff he was telling her was wrong lol! he kept pointing to douglas costa and telling her its firmino. i was cracking myself up listening to him talk complete bullshit but with such grand authority about technical game stuff.

12. at some point a loose ball ended up into the stands, some guy caught it, and 2 min later security came to take it away from him :/ why not let the guy just keep the ball?!? stupid. if it was me, i’d have made a fuss, maybe pretended that it hit me in the face and threatened to sue the stadium cuz they have not ensured the spectators’ safety or some such crap lol. see if they dont let me keep it to avoid a lawsuit.

13. the canarinho (for a.) - he was really great! interacting with the fans, dancing, hugging fans. really a fantastic mascot and absolute joy to watch! during the halftime he was out on the pitch, doing keepie uppies (in those shoes too!!! showing his brazilianness lol), and kicking balls into the stands

14. i was totally impressed by neymar. it was just so obvious how good he is and no, not because i am biased, which i admittedly am. i expected him to be good, duh, but to see it so clearly was amazing. he is not a fluke, he is the real deal. he stands out among even such quality peers as the rest of brazil nt! just something in the way he interacts with the ball, the way he moves, ‘sees’ his teammates without looking, turns on a dime, does the unexpected. i dont think he ‘thinks’ or ‘calculates’ at all his moves or that it is just a lot of practice, i think it is pure instinct in the moment, i.e. phenomenal natural talent. even though this was not one of his greatest games for sure, he just looked... special and different from the rest. most of the brazil players were displaying their clearly high quality but there is just something unique in the way neymar plays. even if you dont know who he is, what teams are playing, anything at all, you’d still pick him out and know that there is something extraordinary about this guy. if you unfocus your eyes so you see just all same yellow shirt figures, you would still be able to pick out which one is neymar. he did a bit of his skills and tricks and of course i wished he had done more. what i took away from watching him play live was that, in this average game, he looked as good playing live as he has in the past when i have watched his great games on tv. i dont know why. but watching neymar play live was an experience of its own. it felt like his average ‘live’ performance is as good as his great ‘tv’. i cant even imagine what it would be like watching one of his great performances live. while i dont feel im loosing so much watching games on tv vs live as mentioned above, i definitely feel that watching neymar in particular play live is on another level and im missing out when i watch him on tv instead of live. he is absolutely worth the price of admission. i was so disappointed in him for his wc antics but thats in the past now, and i have been reminded how right it feels to be his fan, not just for the nice things he does for kids/charity, his fun personality (and lets not forget the good looks, and oh boy they are SO GOOD lol) but his undeniably outstanding talent on the pitch. his game is just incredible. i hope he keeps healthy. i hope he gets his temper under control not just for a few games but for good. and i pray he always has the freedom to shine like he rightfully can. i am rooting for him to get the appreciation and acknowledgement he deserves, unadulterated by behavioral issues or personal drama.

ok, imma stop now. this post is huge, even by my standards.