#back to feeling extremely tired all the time everyday. i wish i could sleep as peacefully as oppy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hunterwritings · 7 months

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𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡-𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝 | 𝐥𝐢𝐧 𝐤𝐮𝐞𝐢 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐨

summary: "Hey! I was wondering if you can write headcannons on the Lin Kuei trio being touch-starved? 😁" warnings: none i think notes: THIS IS THE GOOD SHIT

↳ 𝐁𝐢-𝐡𝐚𝐧

i have a firm belief that this man is extremely touch-starved

Bi-han would never admit that he's touch-starved, in words at least

Physical affection is something Bi-han doesn't like to show in public, unless he is extremely stressed or he's trying to let someone else know that you're with him. If he sees Johnny playfully flirting with you, oh you better believe his hands are all over you. "C'mon gorgeous, you're made for the big screen! I bet millions of other people would agree with me, would make a lot of money in the box office too." Johnny smirked as he leaned back against his chair looking up at you. "Uh huh, very funny Cage." You rolled your eyes. Before Johnny could continue his hopeless flirting, you feel a cold hand wrap around you waist. You turn your head to see Bi-han standing behind you, he pulls you closer and lies his chin on your shoulder with his eyes glaring at Johnny. Oh if looks could kill, Johnny would be a dead man. "Woah there Blueberry Icee! I mean no harm!" He laughs and holds his hands up in defense. Bi-han just grumbles in response as he pulls you away from Johnny and walks away with you, his hands never leaving your waist.

Another scenario with Bi-han being very touchy, is when the two of you are lying down to go to sleep. This time in Bi-han's eyes is one of the best times of the day for him. It's the time when he doesn't have to keep that powerful aura to be a good leader, he can wind down and just relax with you in his arms. He holds your head close to his chest as he wraps his arms around your body. He has one of his hands caressing your head as he looks down at you, admiring everything about you. He wishes he could hold you like this forever and protect you from any harm that ever comes your way.

↳ 𝐊𝐮𝐚𝐢 𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐠

Kuai Liang is the type of person to see that he is touch-starved until he meets you.

When you two are together, he now sees how much he wants to hold you, to kiss you, to hold you in his arms. He would give anything to have you near him at all times.

Of course he wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable in any way, so he might hold back on wrapping his arms around you or kissing you in public at times. Until you tell him it's okay, then he wouldn't even dream of removing his hands from you.

He loves walking hand-in-hand with you, to feel your cold hand against his warm skin. It was the embodiment of relief to him.

There are many moments when you will be doing everyday tasks and Kuai Liang will just come up and hold you.

You stood at the edge of the stove, cooking dinner for you and your husband when you felt two warm hands wrap around your waist. A chuckle escaped your lips as you felt him lie his head on your shoulder, softly leaning against your head. "Do you need any help, my love?" He asks as he presses a kiss to your shoulder. "No, honey, I'm alright." You smile and lean your head against his. He smiled and pulled his head back to press his forehead against your shoulder as his large arms tightened around your waist. "You don't have to stay here with me if you don't want to." You reminded him, bringing one of your hands behind you to lie on top of his soft hair. "I know." He quietly responds. You can't help but turn around and face him. You reach your arms up to wrap around his shoulder as he never moves his arms from your waist. The look he gives you is pure awe, as if he had never seen anything so angelic in his life. He could never get tired of looking at you. You pull him close to you and press a sweet kiss to his lips, hearing him sigh of relief as soon as kissed him. He could never be stressed as long as he knew you were around.

↳ 𝐓𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐬

Tomas is a bit more shy when it comes to his relationship, it takes him a while to confess to his partner and even longer to initiate physical affection with you. He wants to hold his partner in his arms for all of eternity if he could, he wants to always keep you near him.

Tomas is almost like a lost animal, he wants to follow you around everywhere you go.

He likes the idea of being near you to protect you and show other people that you are with him. Though, most of the time it might have to be you that initiates physical affection while in public.

When the two of you are very close, it would be easier for him to hold you and touch you without feeling anxious.

He likes to caress your face and analyze every single detail of it. Every freckle, every scar, every color, he doesn't care, he just loves every single detail about you. There will be many times when the two of you are talking and Tomas would hold your face in his hands as he tried his best to listen to you.

You sat at one of the dining tables, sitting next to Tomas with your chair facing his as you held a small notebook with your training plans for the new initiates. "I was thinking of starting to train them at dusk and then continue throughout the day." You started to explain, looking down at your notebook. Tomas's eyes were dead set on you as he leaned his head against the palm of his hand, his arm resting against the wooden table. His eyes scanned your face as you spoke, trying his hardest to listen to your words but all he could focus on was your face. "Tomas, I feel like you're not listening to me." You raise your eyebrow at him as he silently snaps back into reality. "I am listening to you." He quietly says, reaching his hand up to lie on the side of your face, his thumb caressing over your cheek. "Really? Then what did I just say?" You smile, reaching your hand up to lie on top of his. "Um.." He trails off before the two of you laugh. "I'm sorry, it's so hard when you are this beautiful." He says as he reaches down to your chair and pulls you even closer to him. Now both of his hands rest on either side of your face as he presses his forehead against yours. "I wish I could stay like this forever." He whispers as he exhales deeply. "Maybe there will be a time when we can." You smile before leaning into him and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

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v3nusxsky · 1 year

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Hii, I love your writing and you're so very talented!!

Please, feel free to ignore this request if you don't feel comfortable writing it 😊

I was wondering if you could write a Lady Lesso x Never!Student platonic where the reader has depression. The reader has no motivation and everything seems like a chore - even eating. She would feel so terrible that she would phyically get sick and nauseous and tired all the time. The nights are the worst because her mind is plagued by dark thoughts, the nights seemed to never end, she's afraid she'll do something stupid so she rans down the hallway knocking on Lady Lesso's headquarters' doors.

She's afraid of Lady Lesso but she's afraid of herself even more.

I suffer from seasonal depression that lasts from like February to October and I'm tired already-

It gets to the point I even think things that aren't even true. Like... I'd mix reality and thoughs. For example - I'd be thinking my phone cracked and for some reason I'd believe it. I get so confused xD And I'd isolate myself from people not even caring. I wish I could feel bad because I stopped communicating with them but I just don't.

Hey lovely anon! <3 thank you so much for your support and kind words. I hope this is what you were looking for <3

Save me from myself

*Authors note| This seemed very fitting for my mood today so I absolutely have had a blast writing this.*

Trigger warnings~ food issues depression self harm the whole lot really

Prompt~see ask^^

Depression is a strange thing, especially when coupled with anxiety. It's like you have no energy to do anything but your brain is going a million miles a minute. Yet it makes perfect sense, your brain is whirling so many thoughts that it's draining all of your energy. Self care goes out the window, anything that really requires any physical emotional or mental energy goes too. Why does life have to be soo hard? It feels as though everything is getting on top of you and pushing you further and further back into this dark place. The dark place being cold and lonely, two of the things you wished to not feel, yet they surround you all day every day.

Food isn't on your radar, even the thought of food makes you feel nauseous. All you want to do is sleep for the rest of eternity. Yet your mind refuses to allow that. You know that staying in doors, in bed, is not helping you. Yet getting up is much too difficult. Sleep seems to evade you. Taunting you as if it knows your desperation for it to claim you. The lack of food, sleep and your overwhelming feelings seem to control your everyday thought. You know it's wrong and that you should ask for help but the energy to do that is missing.

That's why you turned to an older coping mechanism. You didn't mean to. It was a moment of weakness and not one you had planned to do again. You felt guilt as sin. Yet when you did it god the numbness was something you craved. But you couldn't do that again, it was a dangerous path that was extremely hard for you to crawl your way back from. Scars littered your arms now and they served as a reminder, self harm was not and is not the way forward. So for days you focused so hard on not giving into the urge, it was draining you but at least it worked.

As a never it felt wrong to even consider reaching out for help, it was weakness. Never's aren't weak. Weakness got you in a vulnerable space, something you really can't afford. Yet for some reason you had bonded rather well with the one and only Dean of Evil. Your recent slip into your seasonal depression had you pulling away from Leonora, something she didn't take too well. At first she assumed you were unwell, after all no one can stay in perfect health all the time, but soon it became apparent something darker was lurking behind your dorm room door. Something perhaps you were trying to hide. She trusted in you to find her when you felt ready, she had told you day or night she would be there for you and had truly meant every word.

Tonight, you broke. Fighting this battle alone was terrifying, and you didn't trust yourself to not fall back into that bad habit, you knew what would happen if you stayed in the room alone. You knew where to find your collection of sharp objects and how your control would dwindle fast just by the sight of them. You could feel the sensations of them on your skin. This was dangerous territory and you knew it. So without thinking you fled. Seeing the outside of your dorm for the first time in days. The candle light seemed awfully too bright and overwhelming from what you remember, was it always this cold? Briefly, you considered going back to hibernate under your blankets and just wait this out, but the sensations on your arm reminding you just how much of a terrible idea it truly was. So you ran.

Your body mindlessly taking you to your safe place, your home. Before you even knew it you were up the hall standing outside of Lesso's chambers. A luxury only had been given, for this exact reason. Yet here you stood, willing yourself to stay put and knock. Yet your mind was telling you to go back to the room and give in. Give in to the demon that plagued you. You need it. But you don't want it. And that's what makes you knock. Small timid knocked in a carefully designed pattern alerted the older women of your presence. And when that door opened, you felt your heart shatter into a million pieces.

This was absolutely terrifying, but you were more scared of your own mind right now. Your body reacting instantly by seeing the women, you threw yourself in her direction causing your body to slam into hers. Sobs tore through your body as she brought her arms around your quivering form. At this point you didn't know what was real and what was in your mind. Was she holding you? The words you hear, are the created by your mind? You didn't know, and truthfully you didn't care right now. You needed her and she was here, in person or in your mind , but that didn't matter. She was here when you needed her just as she had promised to be.

Soon enough you had settled on her sofa in front of the fire being cocooned by her strong arms and words of reassurance and encouragement being whispered into your hair as you let it all out. Tears and muffled apologises for pushing her away, hurting yourself and not being strong enough. Each and every fear she squashed and by the end of it you had snuggled closer and fallen into the first restful sleep you'd had in god knows how long.

Word count~ 1170

#fanfic #lady lesso #sfgae #leonora lesso #lady lesso x reader #lesso x reader #lady leonora lesso #leonora lesso x reader #dean of evil #send anons #anon request

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joyandeggs · 2 years

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hi! First to say i binge read your blog everyday lol you're my absolute fav for writing! Could i ask for headcannons about shoot and knuckle having a beach day with S/O?? Thank you if you get to this 💕

Hi!! ❤ Oh, everyday??? Fave??? Surely not. 😭💞 Thank you so much. And this REQUEST. AHHHHH. Where is my post-Chimera Ant/Dark Continent Arc where Knuckle, Shoot, Morel, and friends have their own beach episode? 💕 I have wanted that forever.

Let's go to the beach! 🌅

Knuckle Bine

This man is all OVER the idea of having a beach date with his significant other. YES. He would be so excited over the idea, and getting to go somewhere fun with them in the first place! Even if Morel, Shoot, and others joined them, the more the merrier! He would love it.

The trip there, by car or train, he's sitting right beside his love. Enjoying the change of scenery on the way there, enjoying some snacks with them along the way. Most likely has some type of candy he's sharing with them on and off. Knuckle is also letting his significant other sleep on his shoulder, if they get tired at all.

Could you imagine...going out to eat with him, or even having a picnic with him on a date like this? 💘

Oh, and it is extremely cliche...but Knuckle absolutely loves long walks on the beach. Absolutely loves them. Never would he imagine doing it with a significant other. He is melting at the intimate moment together when it actually happens.

It would be so much fun, regardless if it was just them alone together or as a group, just spending the day swimming, sunbathing, doing whatever! Knuckle is taking every moment he can to do something. Only for a small, mere moment, he's relaxing under an umbrella on a towel. Majority of the time, he is exploring the beach itself, or swimming, of course.

If his significant other doesn't know how to swim, he would teach them! However, if they wish to not be swimming, he isn't going to force them. Walking along the sand and enjoying the sun with them is just as nice.

Knuckle is barely going to have any clothes on...just wearing some swim trunks that hang quite low on his hips... It is a dangerous sight. Be careful.

Seeing his significant other in a swimsuit will make him blush. He will not know how to handle it, even if he's trying to be cool and unfazed by it. (They just look so good--!)

By the end of the day, they (and everyone else) are heading home, tired and beat, watching the sunset as they rest on the trip back. Knuckle will possibly start falling asleep on his love's shoulder instead. Or, both of them are fast asleep together and softly snoring. It was a good day.

Shoot McMahon

Shoot is actually looking forward to being at the beach! He enjoys the beach, despite not having a second arm to help swim in the water with now. Regardless, if his friends planned a trip, or if his significant other and him were going on a date there, he's happy about it.

I would like to imagine Shoot just enjoying the scenery along the way. If riding in a car, he's listening to the music playing. If on a train, he's hearing the chatter of the other riders to checking out the view outside the window. He would also let his significant other rest on his shoulder if they didn't feel like talking or anything.

He is looking forward to seeing what all there is to see around the area. Any little shops or restaurants his significant other would like to visit, or even grabbing some small treats to eat on the beach together. Something cold and sweet would absolutely hit the spot on a date like this.

Shoot is making sure his significant other is drinking water, taking breaks to rest, and putting on sunscreen. He's making sure that he's doing the same, of course. He burns rather easily with his pale skin. (Could you imagine...asking Shoot for help with putting on sunscreen? 💞💞💞 He would melt.)

For him, since he has a little trouble swimming with just one arm, he enjoys floating around in the water. Also enjoys checking out what he finds along the shore and shallow end. Shoot would be happy to find an actual sand dollar or anything like that. For the majority of the time there, he is just relaxing under the umbrella on a towel and enjoying the fresh salty smell in the air.

If his significant other had trouble swimming or didn't know how to, Shoot isn't worried about them getting fully in the water. If they really wanted to be in it, he of course holds their hand and makes sure to hold their back as well, as they walk through the shallow end together. Though he is perfectly fine being out of the water with them. Would even share his beach towel with them so they can lie beside each other in the shade and relax.

And Shoot is going to look so good with his much more relaxed, unbraided ponytail, still tied high to keep it out of his face, with just a pair of swim trunks. A lovely view of him no one would ever get to see unless if swimming on vacation like this.

Seeing his significant other in a bathing suit of their own...is going to make his eyes grow wide and his face feel scalding hot. He is in awe of how cute they look in an outfit like that. Poor Shoot. His eyes can't be torn away from them the entire day.

On the way back, he quietly sits beside his now sleepy love and enjoys the nice, quiet ride home. He had such a good day with significant other that he can't wait to come back, or have a different adventure somewhere else.

#these were so nice to write! thank you so much! ❤#knuckle bine #shoot mcmahon #hunter x hunter #hxh #hunter x hunter headcanons #hxh headcanons #ask #anon #joy

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hometown-stra · 11 months

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I’m trying to enjoy my day but I just keep getting the thought of ‘tommorow you’ll have to study again’ and/or ‘you should be studying you’re wasting your time you’re a fucking failure’ so it’s kind of hard to not to mention the fact sind I’m trying to take a break today I don’t have anything specific to distract me so I’m rushing to find shit to do even if I don’t want to do them because I need to distract myself and I’ve been bottling up so much frustration for like a 2-3 weeks cause I have to be focusing on studying and now it’s climbing to the surface and I’m tired and exhausted and I think I’d be better off just dead in a pool of my blood since I’m already dying inside everyday anyway I’m so tired there’s nothing that’s worth it anymore everything I do as long as it’s not studying it’s a waste of time so does that mean I’m a waste of time I can’t I can’t do this anymore I’m so tired I wanna sleep but guilt is clinging onto me like it’s attached to my skin and I can’t rip it off and maybe I can delay it if I just go back to studying but I said I’d take a break I promised if I break it then it proves that it’s right I can’t keep promises with my own self anymore I’m such a fucking failure why can’t I feel happiness without feeling guilty for just fucking breathing

Whenever I close my eyes I have an instinct to open them because I don’t deserve to rest but at the same time im doing nothing on my chair just on my phone trying to do something trying to be something trying to be productive and I should go study but I won’t and I hate myself for it it’s so fucking stupid im such a failure everything I’ve done in my life has been a useless attempt to be a good person or at least someone productive but I can’t be either of those things I’m so fucking useless every bite of food every sip of water every breath of air every spark of happiness I can’t do any of those things anymore without feeling guilty what’s wrong with me I’m so just why am I so fucking stupid it’s so fucking stupid this is all so fucking stupid I just want to make people proud but I remain as I am just a useless human being that’s been given so much but can’t do anything with it I don’t deserve any of this I wish I could feel sadness without it being so extreme I wish I could feel happiness without feeling so guilty when I look in the mirror I want to smash it I don’t want to see that person in my reflection she’s stupid she’s useless she does nothing all she does is lie and cheat and talk and cry and scream and swear and cut and I hate her but I know that that reflection there is me I just want to stop hating myself I don’t want to kill myself I wanna be fixed but I can’t why can’t I just be normal again

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nyxopenjournal · 11 months

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Life seems very unmanageable when you have no idea what you want or are supposed to do with yourself anymore. I feel like I already did all the things you're "supposed" to do. I went to school. I got the grades. I got my diploma and my degree. I've had a job in my field & experienced that by the time I was 22. Well what the fuck am I supposed to do now? I don't have a purpose. I don't understand what anything is or who I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to do now. And I have no idea how to figure that out. If it were up to me I'd park my car somewhere and sit there until I rot. Or run it into some deep body of water. Or crash it into a building. I want to. Everyday I consider it. It wouldn't be hard. Because honestly what's even the point of me being alive? I don't have a reason to live or wake up. Nobody fucking cares if I'm around or breathing. I'm extremely replaceable. It doesn't matter. I wish it weren't that way. I wish I mattered. I wish I had a place somewhere and meant something to anyone and could find my person and live happily with them. But it's just not realistic for me. It's just not in the cards. I'm not worth that. I've been thinking about "bc you have a piss poor self view" since it was said to me lol. It's true. I fucking hate myself. Bc I'm worthless. There was a time where I actually did like myself and who I was as a person. It seems so far away now and it seems impossible to feel that again. I don't know what I did to get there. I don't know how to get it back. This is so frustrating. Feeling like this everyday. If I could just die in my sleep I think it'd do more good than harm. There wouldn't even need to be a funeral because I'm not important enough for anyone to pretend they'd miss me. I wish I wasn't such a coward. I'd have been gone in 3rd grade and wouldn't have had to experience any of this. I would've been gone instead of being such a burden on anyone I come in contact with. I wish I was dead. It seems so peaceful. Today has been a shit day I woke up feeling like a piece of shit. But that's what I am. It should be normal. I always think I'm starting to be okay until I don't have a distraction in front of me. Going days without work makes me remember what a fucking useless garbage nothing I am. At least then I have a few hours to distract myself from the thinking and then by the time it hits it's too late because I'm too tired to let them simmer much. But then there's the weekend and I remember that I have nothing. And no one wants to be around me and I'm just stumbling around because I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing or what I want to do. I want to give up so bad. I don't know what keeps me here. I think it's fear of the unknown more than anything because everything I've come to know here just hurts. I really do want to die. I just can't bring myself to do it myself. Not yet at least. Maybe one day. I hope. I can finally stop wasting space. I didn't mean to cause so much damage to anyone's life. I leave a mess wherever I go. I'm always the problem. Even my own family believes it and left me. Why would anyone else stay. It makes sense that they leave and find others better than me. There's always going to be someone better than me. I'm not a good person. I don't deserve good things. That's the only thing that makes sense. I don't really know what I did to cause this existence on myself but it had to be awful for me to be suffering this much. I can't do anything right. Please just take me out so everyone can get on with their lives. It's for the best. No one needs me. And I have to be okay with that. I just wish I had one thing to grasp on that was a glimmer of something worth living for. But this tunnel has no light at the end. It's just running blindly in the darkness until I eventually hit a brick wall and die. There's no way out of this. I don't have any worth. Good for nothing piece of shit waste of space. That's all I am. And no one should have to put up with that. It's fair they leave. Find someone worthy of their time and effort. I'm not worth it. I get it.

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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Part One :Home

Atsumu x Reader(fem)

Summary: Atsumu Miya had always been your home. But what if things changed

Tags: Fluff, Angst, cheating

2k words

Part Two: Silence

Atsumu Miya showed you the most love and care. Being with him felt like you were home. And it’s funny because in the beginning you wanted absolutely nothing to do with the setter.

———

Seeing his hords of fan girls crowding his desk every morning made you want to gag mainly because it interfered with you claiming your own seat. Everyday it was the same when you were in high school. You’d make your way to class only to find you seat inaccessible. After finally being able to shoo away the path to your desk just in time for class to start you’d deal with Atsumu incessant chattering or what he’d refer to as flirting. You honestly didn’t understand how he thought those lame lines would work on anyone. But every class with out fail he’d always have some lame line to spew at you. It made no sense in your eyes why you out of the sea of girls and some boys he could pick from why did he have his sights set on you.

You paid no mind in the beginning rolling you eyes at all his advances. You figured it was just some game to him it’s not like any of what he said genuine at least not to you. Apparently the volleyball player thought these attempts were the most romantic things ever when he finally cornered you after class one.

“ Aye I have been trying my best to get your attention for the last month,” he said as he laid his hand on your desk trapping you in your place, “What’s y’er deal?” You cocked you head to the side in disbelief. Moving his arm to the side you stood straightening you paper to put in you bag. Turning back to face him.

“Miya-San you can’t actually expect me to believe that was your “best effort” in trying to win my affection” you chuckled. Atsumu there with a look of confusion dawning his (what you couldn’t deny) extremely handsome face. Decided to cut your fellow second year some slack you continued. “None of your lines were meaningful, you showed no authentic interest in me,” you gave him a soft smile starting to make your way out of the class room. You stopped at the door turning and presenting him with a wicked smile “ it won’t be that easy, make sure to give it y’er all next.” And with that you we’re gone leaving him in disbelief he’d never been turned down before. He gave a small laugh to no one but himself as he decided in that moment he’d do everything to make you his.

Sure enough he put his all into trying to win your heart. While he wasn’t rude to his fan girls he definitely didn’t indulge them as much which eased your morning commute to your desk. Next were the notes he would leave. The first few were longer and almost made you want to laugh your ass off they were his love letter to you that you could tell he tried to make sound poetic. ( failing epically) but still you send him a small smile and a nod in acceptance. The other were little notes, some stating small facts about what he liked about you or little jokes about the day. Next was the gifts he would leave you. Once it was a small flower, another time a candy bar, most recently a delicious piece of milk bread. All of these little tokens definitely grabbed your heart but the moment you knew you had fallen for him was the day after you came back to school after having a cold. After sitting in your seat next to him you saw him rummage through his bag he turned to you and present you with all the notes he had taken for you through your absence. Seeing this boy who’s mind only ever focus on volleyball and cared little for his own grade do this broke down all your wall. You stared at the notes for a moment before leaning over and place a small kiss to his cheek. A blush crept up both of you faces. And from that moment forward you were his.

———

But that was then. It was now six years later and not only was Atsumu Miya your home he was also your fiancé. You had each been there for each other through everything. You were there through nationals and comforted him through his loss. You were there with him to celebrate every win. He stood by you side as you stared college and you stayed by his side as he joined the professional league. Through the years you had your highs and lows but your love for him never wavered. Not through the distance his job would bring and the scheduling conflict with your schooling and his training. In the end none of that mattered to you because you were his and he was yours. The nights you spent in each other’s arm were the best thing you could have ever wished for.

As of recently though even if he was your home. You were beginning to feel less like his. It started with small things like extra practice which wasn’t anything you werent used to Atsumu had the habit of over working himself. You don’t say anything yet because you knows he gotten better and knows his limits. It progresses to though he’s becoming more distant always heading straight to bed after meals.

“Hey Tsumu wanna watch a movie tonight?” You smile weakly from the couch.

“Not tonight YN I’m really tired,” he reply’s placing a small kiss on your forehead as he head to bed.

It doesn’t stop there although you wish it would. He starts being out later claiming to have extra practice. But you notice the smell of alcohol on his breath when he climbs into bed believing you are asleep. And honestly you wish you would be alseep so maybe some nights you wouldn’t see the signs. The next clue was when he now put a lock on his phone. Something he had never done before. But still you don’t question him. The “late practices” become more frequent and it more often he gone than when he’s around.

Part of you wants to complain to you friends but for one your friends were his friends after spending so long together it’s hard for your lives not to be connected in such ways and two if you do it will make it all to real. You aren’t stupid. You know the truth you know the one reasons you both haven’t been intimate lately is because his body has marks on it from another. You realized that when you had gone into the bathroom real quick while he was showering. It was the tiniest glance but you still saw the scratches on his back that weren’t left by you. Yet you still say nothing and you doubt he realizes you saw them.

You aren’t ready for this to be real. You aren’t ready for your home to be gone. Tomorrow is your birthday and your hoping that this will be it . Tomorrow you will both spend the day together like you used to you’ll laugh and smile everything will be right. Everything will go back to the way it was. Even though deep down you know the truth. And the truth is that you’ve cried yourself to sleep every night the past month wondering where you went wrong. Wondering how you weren’t good enough. Wondering what you should have done to make him stay. But he’s never home to see those tear you cry.

The next morning you wake and go to start some breakfast leaving Atsumu in bed. You wonder when he got home but you know it doesn’t matter. You hear the shower start as you made your coffee. Shortly after the setter appears wearing his training clothes and his duffel bag packed. “ I’m heading to the gym,” he states giving you a quick peck to the temple before heading to the door. Those little kisses always cause your heart to squeeze in hope. He doesn’t wait for a response as he leaves. A sigh leaves you lips as you realize he hadn’t said anything to you about your birthday. You shake your head and fool yourself into thinking he’ll surprise you later.

You continued you day getting little birthday messages from friends and family. Osamu had a box of Onigiri sent to you for lunch with a note saying Happy Birthday. You have a nice call with your best friend Suna and he tells you he’ll come see you soon to celebrate. You were on the phone with Suna longer than you expected seeing the time now said 5:37. After ending the call you see one missed messaged from Tsmu 💕 : practicing late tonight don’t wait up.

You heart stops. He really forgot. You really mean that little that he forgot your birthday. It was the final straw. Although part of your body wanted to break down into sobs you remained calm as though working on auto pilot. Slowly you make your way to your room grabbing your luggage and started packing all of your essentials and anything you couldn't bare to leave behind not knowing if you’d have the courage to return. After finally loading your car it was now 7:20. You knew you shouldn’t that you’d only get hurt more but you pulled out your phone and did something you never could bring yourself to do before. You checked his location. A chuckle leaves your lips as you see he’s at your favorite restaurant. The one you both loved so much and had spent countless anniversaries dinners at. Not thinking you run back into your condo that you shared with the twin. You dug to the back of you closest and quickly change into one of your favorite dresses. Your hair was already nice and you didn’t need much make up so as you finished getting ready you left. Heading straight to the restaurant.

You can’t say for sure what cause you to want to go there. Maybe a small part of yourself needed to see it. But sure enough you can’t mistake that yellow hair sitting toward the back of the restaurant is your fiancé with another woman. His back is to you and her attention is all on him enraptured in whatever garbage he’s spewing. In that moment a calm rage settles over you. You look at the hostess and requested a table a little ways away from them one where your still out of his view. As you sit you place an order for a glass of wine still setting up how you want to approach this. Then an daring thought crosses your mind. You called for your waitress.

“Excuse me but you see that couple over there,” you said motioning towards them. “Yes ma’am” she nods. “Well that’s my best friend over there and I really love to do something nice for them it’s their birthday!” The waitress smiles as you explain your plan. You sit and wait as you sip your wine when finally the waitress walks over to their table.

“Hi” the waitress greets them before setting down the dessert. A look of confusion crosses their faces and you can’t help but grin. Atsumu smiles politely before looking down at the cake. His smile drops immediately as he read the cake “Happy Birthday YN”. You giggle as you see the panic in his eyes. “I’m sorry we didn’t order this,” the unknown woman states to the waitress. You can see the waitress smile as she points to your table an explains your friend ordered it for you. You not quite sure how to explain the emotions written on Atsumu’s face as he watches you walk up the table.

“Y-YN,” he stutters. You can see the look of confusion on the girls face and for moment you feel sorry for her maybe she was just as clueless as you. “Hi Tsmu,” you smile leaning over to take a bite of your birthday cake. “Mmm Chocolate, delicious,” you smiled before looking him dead in the eyes as you removed your engagement ring and dropped it in his glass of champagne. “You can have this back,” you state bitterly before turning around and handing your waitress a big bill to cover your drink the cake and a nice tip. You start to walk of as you hear him call for you. But you refuse to turn back. You know your moment of strength is fading and you won’t let him see you tears. So you keep walking straight to you car and drive away. Not sure where to go. You just left your home.

This my first time writing angst and also my fist time writing in a while.

Also unedited

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#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu angst #hq #atsumu x y/n #atsumu x reader #haikyuu atsumu #atsumu miya #atsumu angst #haikyuu cheating

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mehphoobia · 3 years

Text

TRIPLE TROUBLE

Pairing- Tom Holland(x3) x Reader

Warnings- Language, extreme smut (I think most of it is just smut 😅), extreme cuteness.

Summary- Who knew moving into a new apartment would be so much fun if you have triplets as your neighbors. How much trouble can Peter, Tom and Arvin cause? only a lot...

MASTERLIST | REQUESTS OPEN |

PART 2

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There you were standing below a building in front of the entrance with the truck that carried your stuff on your left and surrounded by utter commotion. Why were you here again? Oh yes, you had to move out of your apartment because your godforsaken landlord, well ex-godforsaken landlord had to hike up the rent. You couldn't pay that much of an amount just for your rent to live in that matchbox of a place. Of course it had a nice view, office was closer but the world had to adjust and so did you.

"Miss we are done unloading!" grunted the man. You flinched because of his tone but then you realize you had to pay the man. After fetching a couple of bucks and paying the man, you started your journey to the fifth floor because the lift decided to sleep that day, the very day you had to move and who were your travel buddies? fourteen cartons. Why did you have so much luggage in the first place? you could literally contemplate your life's decision in the time you would have to waste carrying each one them, one by one to your apartment. "Fuck man!" you cursed as you kicked an imaginary rock to let out a bit of your frustration.

Where was your boyfriend when you needed him? oh how could you forget! He cheated on you. There you have it, your life. You stopped thinking as you picked one of your box, just then you heard a voice, "Do you need help?" that angel asked you and you would have cried. you looked at him and you were mesmerized with his curls and a jawline that could cut paper.

"Is it that evident?" you asked and he chuckled. "Are you new here?" he asked picking up one of the boxes. "Yes, my name is Y/N I moving in to 503" you informed as you picked one yourself. He looked at you wide eyed with ripples on his forehead. "Oh so you are the new neighbor. Hello there my name is Peter. W- I live in 502" he smiled as you both entered the building. The work got done easily with someone helping you out. The view from here was not that great, all you could see was your neighbor's balcony. Peter joked that this way you could meet each other every day.

Oh wasn't that guy an absolute sweetheart. If he had a little bit of attitude he would totally be your type. He left after wishing you a good night and flashing that beautiful smile of his, damn you could melt. After moving so many boxes and climbing up and down the stairs, tiredness captured you. You changed into your pajamas and finished the pizza that you had earlier ordered and slept on the couch. Tomorrow was going to be a long day, after all those boxes had to be unboxed.

You woke up to someone's washing machine's sound. You were pretty sure that washing machine was trying to run away because of low maintenance. You tried not to stumble over you unpacked luggage as you walked down your hallway tying your hair up in a bun.

Your scrunchie that was tugged onto teeth as you were getting your disheveled hair together fell to the ground. There was a girl sitting on top of the washing machine, naked and the guy was busy eating her out. You sprinted into your room as you saw the scene unfold in front of your eyes. You could feel your panties dampening because of her moans that were getting louder by the second. Luckily they took their show inside and you could finally breathe. Well, you didn't expect the view to be like that. Your neighbor with someone. Wait a minute, your neighbor, Peter?

"Wow" was all you could say before brushing your teeth and taking a bath. You never felt so ridiculously single before as you felt now. "fuck my life" was the mantra you kept chanting as you put on your shirt. "Idiot" you grunted as you realized that all your pants were packed and there was nothing you could put on below your shirt. Maybe except for the pencil skirt that somehow managed to escape and you had put it in your handbag as you found it at the last moment.

"Ah yes" you said grabbing the file which you were supposed to hand in today. You locked your door, double checked it and pressed the lift button.

As you were waiting for the lift, you heard Peter's door click open and the girl you saw today morning, yes the one sitting naked on the washing machine, made her way out. Her stumbling feet and incapability to even walk straight summarized her night. "Didn't she have a good time?" you thought to yourself and chuckled as she dared to take the stairs. Who takes the stairs when you have a perfectly fine lift?

"Good morning?" a very heavy voice said behind you. You turned behind to take a better look at him. "Good morning uh..Peter" you said obviously uncomfortable because he still smelt like sex.

"Oh yes me, Peter" he said laughing hysterically. You gulped as you stepped away from him. Sure you wanted him to have attitude but this is not what you expected. His cute little eyes were all hooded and spoke a different language today. As if you met someone else yesterday.

"Are you going up or down?" you asked in effort to change the topic as he walked closer towards you. "Going down kitten" he panted and smirked sheepishly. You could feel his breath as his hands checked you out. He smiled and started to walk away. He looked at you one last time before he locked his door. "Oh God" was all you could say as you clutched your shirt together. You would lie if you didn't feel aroused. Of course he was weird, hell, he was kind of a boy all mothers tell their daughters to be aware off. But this guy had a lot of surprises and were you gonna figure all of them out? Fuck yeah.

After handing over your file to your senior, you took the rest of the day off. On your way back to your apartment, you spotted a café. It was rustic and elegant and beautiful paintings hung on the wall. You stepped up to the cashier to place your order.

"Hi how may I help you?" gleamed the guy. Your smile disappeared when you looked at him. "Peter?" you questioned in confusion. "Peter?" he questioned back. "Uh we met today morning. Don't you remember? You helped me with the boxes too?" you explained. "Are you Y/N?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes" you replied in confusion. "Hi my name is T- Peter." he introduced himself. "yeah I know" you smiled embarrassingly. He noticed your expression and took a deep breath. "Miss Y/N why don't you have a seat? I think we need to talk." he spoke as if in an attempt to not mess things up.

You decided to sit down and talk to him. And you did. You realized he owned this café and a couple more around the city. His gentlemanly behavior was like a spell that enticed you. You could listen to him for hours. His honey glistened tone played their tricks on you.

"Why don't you come over for drinks tomorrow? We can spend a bit more time together" he suggested in a calm tone as he walked you towards your apartment. "Sure. Does 7 sound good?" you asked as you looked for your keys. "Perfect actually, we all will be home by then." "Great, I will see you tomorrow then" you said as you locked the door. What a strange guy? If someone would come and tell you that you saw three different versions of the same guy, you wouldn't be surprised.

You stood in pale pink dress that rested your hips and covered you till your mid thigs, that you hunted from your closet. You had spent the entire day unboxing and setting up your apartment. It was almost 7 and you were a bit tired but you would throw your away for the little get together you had with Peter.

Now standing outside their door clutching to the scented candle, you rang their bell. He opened the door and gestured you to come in. "In here" he said pointing towards a room that was co-joined with the balcony. As you were walking towards that room, you saw a photo frame. Your heart dropped. "Fucking triplets?" you murmured. "Hey kitten" "Hi Y/N" two voices spoke. You flinched at the sudden sound and they stood right behind you.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" you blurted out your question. You were no longer worried if you sounded rude. "All this time I thought I--you were lying to me?" you asked. "Y/N please listen" Peter spoke, the cute little one you had met for the first time.

You sat down, when they all started explaining themselves. First the other two introduced themselves. The guy near the lift was Arvin and the guy you had met at the café was Tom. Peter told you that he was the one who had started all this confusion because he fell for you at the first sight. He knew Erwin and Tom would like you too and how right he was.

"Peter couldn't control his excitement when he told us about you." Tom said caressing Peter's hair. All the anger somehow melted and turned into a genuine smile. Peter blushed when he saw you smiling, the same smile he fell in love with, they all did.

"Look I had a break up recently. He cheated on me and I might have a tough time adjusting to have another person in my life so soon and three of you together would be overwhelming so can we take it slow? like get to know each other first." you suggested to which Arvin sat down next to you.

"Take all the time you need kitten, we will be right here" he said as he stroked your hair. Soon he was joined by Tom, "1 month, spend one month with us and if its too much for you we will respect your decision." he said as he squatted down to your level. "Okay" you said after thinking about it for five minutes. Peter, baby walked to you and rested his head on shoulder as he sat next to you. Giggles filled the room as Tom cracked his bad jokes. Oh dear the three of them were walking trouble, triple trouble.

Now that you knew about their little secret, they took turns in spending time with you. Everyday Tom would drop you to your office and Arvin would pick you up. Peter would spend the weekends with you. Sometimes all the four of you went on a drive together. Peter would hold on to you as he clutched you from behind when you sat on the passenger seat.

1 month passed away like a jiffy taking away all the confusion and panic you had about being in a polyamories relationship and were you whipped for them. Of course you were.

It was a Sunday, exactly 1 month later, here you were sitting on the couch with all three of them. "So what do you think?" Tom asked you as he pulled you closer. "Do like us now?" Peter asked you with his puppy eyes. "I have always liked you but" you smiled as you continued, "I love you, all the three of you." you smiled with how fast Peter started crying after you finished. Arvin came close to you as he caressed your cheek.

Tom pulled you in for a kiss. His tender lips felt so soft on yours. You moaned into the kiss and he could easily slip his tongue in your mouth. Arvin dragged his lips on your neck, marking you as his, their's. Never breaking the kiss Tom dragged the zip of your dress exposing your black lace. "So pretty" Arvin moaned as he took notice of your exposed self.

You broke the kiss as your eyes landed on Peter. Tom and Arvin sensed you pulling away and looked at each other. "Peter is it too much for you? if you don't want-" "No" Peter's sudden confession stopped you midway.

"I want this, I do want you but I have never done it before." Peter confessed embarrassingly. You smiled as you pulled him close to you. "It's okay I will take care of you, don't you worry." As you pulled his pant's zip down exposing the dent that he was trying hide, Tom chuckled. Peter whimpered when you fetched his member out the confines and licked off the leaking precum. Tom slid your bra away and Arvin had his hands exploring your womanhood.

You licked a wide strip, leaving Peter withering above you. He clutched your hair when you suddenly made eye contact with him and pushed you down on his cock. His cock was girthy and long with made arousal drip from your pussy. Arvin was quick to spread your arousal, lubricating you. Tom had one of your nipple in his mouth as he lay below you.

Peter's girthy cock sat at the back of your throat leaving him in all moans. Suddenly Arvin pushed one of his digits in your leaking pussy. The sudden intrusion choked a moan out of you. The vibration of your moan had Peter's head falling back in pleasure. "You like that, kitten? You like my fingers in you?" you swallowed at Arvin's filthy words. "Do you want him to fuck you with his fingers, fuck you till you are shaking?" Tom said while rubbing your nipples together at the same time. Arvin rubbed your clit with his thumb as you bobbed you head up and down on Peter's cock.

"Such a good pussy, Tom" Arvin panted. "Vin' e-every time you talk like that, she s-swallows and it feels so fucking good." Peter said in between his moans. "Yeah? you like it when we talk dirty?" a sudden slap sent vibration throughout your pussy and you swallowed your moan. That was it for Peter, he came in your mouth and you could feel hot cum filling your throat.

You popped off of Peter's cock as Arvin pulled you backwards and kissed you. It was messy and rough and you loved it. "Do you want Tom to fuck you?" Arvin asked. On his cue Tom pulled out his cock and slid a condom on it and lined up at your entrance. "P-Please" you managed to say while Arvin continued to rub your clit. "Please what kitten?" he pushed you towards your edge. "Please fuck me" you moaned. "Fuck her Tom and don't cum till I say" Arvin commanded.

Peter took one your nipples in his mouth as he Arvin pushed through your velvety folds slowly allowing you to adjust. Arvin wasn't as girthy as Peter but he was longer than him. Tom bottomed out with a grunt, "so tight and wet. N-Not gonna last".

"P-Please m-move" you mumbled and it was enough for Tom to fetch out his cock completely and slam it in again. Soon he set a pace which had you writhing under him.

With Tom fucking you at a past that has you drifting to heaven and Arvin rubbing you clit vigorously with Peter sucking your nipples together was enough to send you over the edge. "Can I cum, Pplease?" you panted. "Not yet kitten" with that soon Arvin replaced his thumb with his tongue. "Come on kitten cream all over his cock. need you taste you." he said and it was enough for you to let go.

You had never cum this hard in your life. You could feel Tom's softening cock slip out of your pussy and Arvin was kind enough to clean all the mess with his tongue. The overstimulation was too much for you so you came second time that night.

All the three of you were staring at the ceiling, panting when you spoke, "Oh I am definitely into trouble".

"Triple Trouble" all of them spoke together.

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A/N- Hey guys, so this is just another fic in my draft. Tumblr is making me write all my fantasies and do I like it? I freaking love it.

I am thinking about posting a Sebastian Stan fic so if you have any requests please send them to me. I have been waiting to write a fic on him.

Oh ok on heavy request, HEAVY request there will be a part 2 of this fic..damn guys I received so many asks for this one 😂

for part 2 I didn't really plan anything it was just going to be a simple fic but look how that turned out to be?

if you have any specific plot for part 2 send me in your request i will definitely go through it..

Love yourself..you are worth it ❣❣

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saudade-mayari · 3 years

Note

💜 Happy 500 Luna! Can I please have Kakashi x Reader + some night bliss scenario? You know, that moment when you both can't sleep at 3am, and it's just... Peaceful and safe (sfw or not - I'll leave it to you 😌). I'm so proud of you, you're an amazing author, you deserve all love. I hope we'll see your 1k milestone soon ♥️

3am Midnight Bliss

♡ Warnings: Kakashi x fem!reader, domestic fluffs, suggestive content and nsfw on the last part, 18+ content, minors please dni

The nightfall’s calming and peaceful dim light shining across the windows of his apartment was hypnotizing, the moon was full and shown with a brilliance between the tall evergreens and slow rising of buildings in Konoha. It was all good, almost perfect if you could say so. The reconstruction of Konoha had come better than expected, his hard work of being the base pillar of the Land of Fire and ensuring that the village will enter a new state of technology was all worth it. His restless nights of meeting various investors, councilmen, and fellow Kages totally paid its price, truly a diligent man.

Your eyes opened wide by the sudden actions of Kakashi, the way he wrapped his arms around you is filled with longing and passion. It’s been a while since he actually stayed in his own house, been a while since both of you had laid each other down and talk about life. Indeed being the Hokage took all his time but you understand, he may not ‘love’ the responsibility of being the supreme leader of the Land of Fire but never did Kakashi once slacked off or put the village in a tight situation. He loves the village and the people and he’s willing to protect it at all cost. That’s one thing you are sure about. You wrapped your small arms around his body while your legs clinging to his hips, finally noticing you are also awake.

“Can’t sleep?” You muttered between his arms. Kakashi’s eyes somehow glittered in happiness, missing your touch and your voice whenever he’s out on serious Kage works. He gave out a not-so-tired nod then kissed your head while giving you another tight hug. You smiled between his arms, it felt peaceful. It’s not what you and Kakashi had grown up with. You are both 2-war veterans and seeing every corner of the world in a peaceful state is almost a dream for him.

“It’s so different now.” He said, stroking every strand of hair that covers your face. You smiled, both of you are thinking the same thoughts. It was almost unbelievable. You kissed his chest.

“It really is. It’s so calming.” You answered while looking at his face. Appreciating his little beauty mark, his well-defined jaw, his fair skin, eyes, the scarred cheek that made him look so perfect, and the classic silver hair of Kakashi. “It’s all thanks to Naruto and the rest. I haven’t even done anything as their Hokage.” He answered. This rarely happens, pillow talks weren’t usually on Kakashi’s master plans and schedules since he became the Hokage. He needed rest and you always ensure he’ll get enough strength for the next day. It’s the very least you could do for him.

“You’re a great Hokage, love. You did a lot for the village even before you’ve become the Hokage. Don’t downgrade yourself too much.”

Kakashi hugged you tighter. Once again smelling the flowery scent that he had always love. His calming complex, his home. “Really? I think you’re just flattering me.” You gave out a small chuckle on his response, clearly joking but you know how low his confidence had become ever since he took the title of Sixth Hokage.

“You established many things already. Many things wouldn’t be possible if it weren’t you sitting on the chair as Sixth Hokage.” You assured him but Kakashi gave out a sigh. Despite the peace, there were still many things bothering him. You’ve been his wife for almost 3 years now and every single sigh and flickers on his eyes are so obvious to what’s bothering him. He was even amazed at how much you were able to read him as he does.

“Kakashi love… Tell me. What’s bothering you”

“I wish we were born a little later, Obito and Rin wouldn’t have to go through such pain. I feel so guilty living this kind of peace when they’re not here. Anymore. I don’t even deserve this.”

You sat down, stared at those dark orbs now filled with sadness and regret. You cupped his face to force him to look at you. Obito and Rin. The memoirs that always tattoed in our hearts. The very reason why Kakashi had turned out to be a great man is because of the ideals they all shared as a team.

“Kakashi. Do you think they’re going to be happy seeing you like that? You don’t regret marrying me aren’t you?”

“No. Of course not! I love you.”

You smiled at him then kissed the tip of his nose. “Then let’s live for them okay? And besides… You gotta live for another buddy this time.”

Kakashi stood up, gave you a reassuring smile then held your shoulders, slightly shocked by your sudden remarks. Seeing him on his tank top while his mask freely hanging on his neck and those unruly silver locks made you chuckle are completely far from the broad man they see on an everyday basis. Yep, the Sixth Hokage.

“y/n- Are you-”

Answering with a nod, tears started building up in his dark orbs. The feeling of love. Marriage and parenthood. It was almost unbelievable for Kakashi. His grip on your shoulders gradually tightened and started looking up at the room’s ceiling, clearly trying to suppress his tears from completely falling.

“We’ve been trying right…When did you-... I-”

“Three months. Sakura disclosed this morning. I was about to announce later but I think today’s the right moment to say..”

Kakashi did not take his time already, in a matter of time your lips suddenly crushed to his. It was not lust, not the type of hunger you usually do. It was different. Gratitude and Happiness. Love and warmth. It was so emotional.

You wrapped his arms around his neck to pull him closer, both of you were once again laid down on the soft mattress of the bed, slightly making the thick comforter out of place. Your foreheads and the tip of your noses are pressing to each other. Both of your tears are now falling, feeling extremely euphoric and everything in between.

“I love you. Let’s live for them and for our kid Kakashi.”

And before he entered his tongue to yours, Kakashi rubbed your belly then goes back to kissing your cheeks with tears still falling. He’s going to be a father. The one that scared him the most but little did he know the excitement of forming a family with you would be this emotional.

“I love you too, thank you for everything y/n.”

Kakashi never took his time removing your clothes but it was still steady and slow. His moves were delicate and careful. He could smell your arousal. He knew that you’re turned on. He parted your folds only to find that you’re core is invitingly wet. He massaged it carefully, looking at you while your lips part from the moans around the four corners of the room.

“Kakashi… I need you…”

“My wife is so needy, as you wish love.”

He placed his shaft at your entrance and nudged its way in. You gave out a pleasuring gasped as you tried to adjust to his overwhelming length. Once he was completely inside you, Kakashi started thrusting slow and steadily. Your hips met his every thrust, making you raise your legs to circle around his waist. This only allowed him to move into your body much closer. Kakashi had kept kissing you to prevent you from screaming. He knew that he wouldn't last long. He increased the pace and when he couldn't hold back any longer, he gave out soft grunts and moans alongside his climax. Praising how much lucky he is to have you as his wife. Before closing your eyes Kakashi passionately kissed your lips then held your 3 month belly.

“I can’t believe we’re going to be family y/n. I’ll do my best to be the father our little baby deserves.”

“We will, love. I know it.”

Requests for 500 followers event status: CLOSED

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laurentspup · 3 years

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Friends... Is that what we are? (Lamen AU) Part 7.5

Masterlist

Author’s note:

Hey it’s been so long since I updated this! It still takes a lot of me to think of dialogue and edit the messages, so this isn’t new content. It is, however, what really happened in part 7 (when Damen went to Laurent’s house and read him a book, and kissed his forehead). I always thought this was better in paragraphs than soc med format, so here it is. I actually drafted this before part 7 and I finished it now!

I hope you all enjoy this new chapter and I promise I will be back with a new update soon. I just have to get used to driving (just passed my license a month ago), college (it’s my last year), and work (first year in person).

Okay that was a lot, now onto this chapter full of sweetness and pining.

Part 7.5

It’s past midnight, but Laurent still has a big smile on his face since his call with Damen. It has been a few hours after Damen simply talked about his day, about his brother, about the yacht his parents bought because they had too much money and nothing more to spend it on, anything he could think of. Laurent was more than happy to sit there and listen to his voice. He liked the man too much to do anything else about it.

He is currently studying for his upcoming biology exam on Tuesday. It’s not too bad of an exam, but there are endless terms, endless body functions, and he hates that all he can do is memorize everything. It’s not learning but it does result in an A. His phone buzzes beside him, and welcoming any distraction, he picks it up to see a text from Damen. He’s downstairs.

Laurent runs to his window to check if it’s true. Damen, knowing exactly what Laurent does every time he surprises Laurent with a visit, is looking up at him, waving. Damen’s at Laurent’s door. He isn’t supposed to be home yet, back in this city, but here he is, glowing under the porch light, gorgeous in his hoodie, and everything Laurent ever wanted. He’s speaking but Laurent, shaking his head with a look of disbelief, can’t hear him.

“Wait one sec.” He whispers with a gesture and turns around to go downstairs in a hurry. Before opening the door, he fixes his hair and assumes a relaxed position, as if his heart isn’t pounding miles a minute at the prospect of Damen outside his house, at midnight. As if this doesn’t happen almost everyday.

Once he’s face to face with Damen’s kind eyes, with the smile that can only be read as extremely happy to see him, his heart hammers harder in his chest.

“What are you doing here?” Laurent breathlessly asks him with wide eyes, confusion and excitement evident on his face, try as he might to mask it.

Damen is also breathless, though Laurent can’t think of any reason why.

“I missed you.”

It’s a punch to all the right places in Laurent’s heart. It’s something he can never say to Damen out loud, but he feels it all the same, right down to his bones. It’s something he didn’t know Damen had the nerve to say out loud to him.

“I mean-” Damen begins and Laurent’s face twitches. Damen must have caught it because he stops. “I mean yeah. I missed you so I drove back since there’s nothing to do at my parent’s anymore. And I got you this.”

Laurent doesn’t see the Target plastic bag in Damen’s hand until he lifts it.

“It’s from my mom. She insisted I give you a home-cooked meal since she knows you’re mostly alone nowadays. She doesn’t stop hinting at my dad that she wants to go on a European tour too, see Paris- what? Why are you smiling?”

Laurent doesn’t know he’s smiling. He tries to school his expression even though it’s too late.

“Nothing. You’re here. No- it’s just- I don’t know what I’m saying. Come in.” He quickly says the sentences after the other, making Damen laugh and his cheeks flush. “Shut up.”

“I wasn’t saying anything!” Damen enters behind him, shaking with happiness.

Laurent leads him to the kitchen, so he can put the food in the fridge. It’s too late to eat right now and he has a few more chapters to read.

Damen gives him the plastic bag and sits on the stool by the island. He stares at Laurent as he unpacks the tupperwares, then puts it in the fridge. A comfortable silence surrounds them, but Laurent is too conscious of Damen’s stare. It’s as if he can hear the dangerous somersaults Laurent’s heart was doing.

“You still studying tonight?”

“Yeah. Bio’s kicking my ass.”

“I’ll stay up with you. Nik’s not home yet, anyway. He visited his parents too since he was there already.”

“You don’t have to stay up.”

“No, I want-”

“But you can stay.”

“Well, I’m staying up and you can’t stop me.” Damen is right in front of Laurent's face when he turns to face him. He steps back quickly. “Cool?”

“Do whatever you want.” Laurent replies, heart in his throat, rushing to leave the kitchen and get to his room before Damen sees his face turn dangerously red.

Laurent’s head is bent, back to Damen, busy reading the last chapter for his exam. Nothing is entering his brain anymore, but he has to read all of these at least two times to store it in his brain until his test. He’s been yawning since the third paragraph, and he has a massive headache which began in the previous chapter.

It has been two hours since Laurent started studying and let Damen just be in the background. He would hear Damen’s little laughs, gasps, or groans at whatever game he was playing on his phone. He feels Damen’s gaze on his back, conscious of him being conscious of his every move. It was a normal routine for them at three am, but somehow, today, it was more.

Laurent yawns again. This chapter about the reproductive system is very intriguing, but exasperating. He would rather do it himself than read about it. If only the man currently on his bed knew how much he has been thinking about him and this. He sighs at the idea, then hears Damen shuffle on his bed.

“I think you need to take a break.”

“Be quiet. I’m studying.”

“Take a break, Laurent. You’ve been reading nonstop for two hours. I got so bored I started counting how much you’re yawning. It's thirty-seven by the way.”

“That’s weird. Stop staring at me while I’m studying.”

“But I like looking at you all concentrated.”

Laurent ignores him. “Just shut up. I have five more pages to go.”

Damen stands up and takes Laurent’s book. He holds it up above his head. Laurent rolls his eyes but doesn’t stand up.

“Give it back to me right now.” He crosses his arms like a stubborn child.

“Nope. You can try to grab it though.” The real stubborn child says.

“Just because you’re half a foot taller than me, doesn’t mean I can’t reach it.”

“Bet.”

“I’m not in the mood for your games, Damen.”

“I’m not playing. Take a break.”

“Dude, I wanna sleep too. Just let me finish.”

“Dude?” Damen says, offended. Laurent ignores his tone again. He stares at Damen with eyebrows raised, trying to be intimidating, knowing well that it won’t work on Damen. “Fine. If you go to bed I’ll give it back to you. Even if you look super sleepy.”

“I’m not sleepy.” Just as Laurent finishes the last word, he yawns.

Damen raises his eyebrows at him. “Thirty-eight.”

“Ha ha. Give me back the book.”

“When you go to bed.”

“I’m not falling for that.”

Damen falls back on Laurent’s bed. Maybe if he offered something else, Laurent might say yes. Maybe Laurent is just tired.

“You gotta get this book one way or another.” Damen shrugs.

Laurent stubbornly stays on his chair, staring daggers at Damen. What the hell is his problem? He didn’t ask him to stay up with him, he told him not to!

Laurent watches Damen flip through the book, knowing he hates it because he’s going to lose his spot. Still, he notices how Damen's index finger remains on the page he’s reading. It’s sweet, but Damen still sucks for making him take a break.

“Ugh.” Annoyed, Laurent stands and goes beside his bed. “I’m here. Hand it back.”

“I have an idea.” Damen answers, not looking at him.

“Damen.” Laurent says, getting more aggravated by the second.

“Look, your eyes are so tired right now.”

“You’re not looking at me, and I can’t see my own eyes.”

Damen ignores him. “Did you even sleep last night?”

Laurent flushes when he remembers the reason why he hasn't slept well at all yet. It’s because of this annoying, clueless brute lying on his bed and he doesn’t even know! All the hours he spends pining for him, yet this is all that ever happens to them.

“See? You haven’t.” Damen answers, interpreting Laurent’s expression as guilt and embarrassment. “Lie down right now and close your eyes.”

“Stop telling me what to do. I have to finish studying.”

Laurent can just take the book, but he knows Damen will pull him and force him to lie down. God, if only Damen is going to do that for other reasons, he’d have done it the moment Damen told him to go to bed.

“I’ll read it to you.”

“You’re going to what?” Laurent asks, genuinely taken aback.

“I'm gonna read to you while you rest your eyes. Saves time. You rest while you still learn. It’s a win-win.” Damen looks at him and smiles expectantly.

“That’s stupid, Damen. It’s five pages long. And it won’t go into my brain.” Laurent is exasperated. He’s losing patience. Hell, he doesn’t even know why he’s still keeping up this conversation. He could kick out Damen anytime. This is his house.

“Yes it would. You take in everything you hear fast.” Laurent opens his mouth to spit a vicious remark but Damen talks first. “Just let me help you. Please.”

Laurent closes his eyes, trying so hard, even though he doesn’t know why, to keep calm. He equally hates and loves Damen for making him take a break and for offering to read five pages of the reproductive system. He grits his teeth because he’s going to say yes, and he’s going to hear Damen talk about sex and sex parts without knowing what it will do to Laurent.

“You’re so annoying.” Laurent sits on the bed. Damen scoots to give him space with a wide smile on his face. “Why can’t I say no to you?”

“It’s because secretly you really like me.”

He wants to strangle Damen. He wishes he could shake him and look him in the eye and scream “YES I FUCKING DO. DO YOU LIKE ME BACK, ASSHOLE?” Fuck him. It’s true. It’s so true, but Laurent is never going to admit that… first.

“Just read. Annoying prick.” He mumbles and makes himself comfortable on the bed. He makes sure there’s at least a foot gap between him and the idiot beside him.

“You can come closer. I don't bite.” Damen says, staring at Laurent with that glint in his eye, patting the space next to him.

“So fucking bossy.” Laurent says angrily and still scoots over. He’ll get over feeling Damen’s warmth and not being in his arms instead. “If I sleep, you better wake me up or I'm killing you.”

He huffs as his head hits the soft pillow and his eyes close. It feels good. He thinks he hasn’t closed his eyes to blink in the past hours.

“Can’t kill me if you’re sleeping.” Damen answers with confidence, settling back on the bed. Laurent feels him move until their shoulders touch, despite the purposeful one inch gap that Laurent left so this won’t happen. Now, he’s really annoyed and conflicted. But he doesn’t move away.

“Give me back the book.”

“Kidding!”

“Just start.”

“So fucking bossy.” Damen teases.

Laurent opens his eyes, ready to smack Damen or kick him out or maybe kiss him too, but he opens the book and starts reading loudly. “The penis is part of the male reproductive system. See Damen’s for ref-”

“I’m pretty sure it doesn't say your-” Laurent cuts him off.

“Shh, I’m reading.”

“Read properly, then. And I’m on the top of that page, first paragraph.”

Damen hushes him again. Laurent rolls his eyes but stays quiet. When Damen begins once more, he reads what Laurent told him to. Laurent feels his heart leap at that, desperate to reach out to Damen, put his head on his shoulder and listen from there. But he keeps his hands to himself.

As Damen reads about functions of the reproductive organs, Laurent soaks in his voice and his warmth. Maybe, this isn’t such a bad idea. He can actually focus better. His eyes don’t hurt as much now, and he can picture the words that Damen reads. His deep voice compels him to listen, and it tugs at his heartstrings at the same time. He can’t even fathom how amazing it is to have Damen read a Biology book to him.

This can’t be just a friendly gesture, Laurent’s brain nags at him. But he quickly kicks all thoughts of more because he knows Damen. Damen has probably done this with all of his friends. He’s just a nice guy who brings Laurent food and makes him take a break and reads his book for him, and Laurent just happens to like him. There’s nothing more.

He listens to Damen flip to the next page, and shuts off the part of his brain that continues to pine for the man beside him. He’ll take this right now and he’ll think about the repercussions tomorrow. Right now, he’ll let himself feel the warmth and comfort of Damen. Right now, he’ll listen to Damen’s voice, soothing him like a lullaby.

Laurent opens his eyes. It’s not dark, his lights are left on, and there’s an unfamiliar warmth beside him, something he’s unaccustomed to when he wakes alone. His head is on a harder surface, not on a pillow but-

He shifts his eyes to the left and sees Damen's clothed chest. The chest his head is resting on right now. The chest his head rested on while he slept. The chest that’s steadily falling and rising.

He slept and somehow, he ended up on Damen’s chest. He asked to be woken up if he slept, but he should have never trusted Damen.

Damen, annoying, clueless Damen, whose clothed chest is under his head right now.

He wants to move away, badly, but also, he can't. Because he wants to be here too, badly.

Physically, there were no obstacles stopping Laurent from moving away. Damen’s arms aren’t even enveloping him. Somehow, he slept without touching Laurent, probably because he knows Laurent doesn’t like to be touched without permission. God, why is Damen so?

For a few moments, he imagines this is real. That Damen is his to sleep on, to cuddle with. That if Damen wakes right now, he’ll kiss Laurent sleepily, a lazy smile spreading across his face. So he stays for a few seconds, tempted to move his arm on top of Damen's torso and snuggle closer. He wants this to be what they are. But it’s not.

Before Laurent could do anything that he can’t explain to Damen without spilling his heart open, he sighs and prepares to move away. He no longer wants to hurt and delude himself further. He doesn’t want to think of this as a mistake, but it is. Damen doesn’t feel the same way he does. Damen is his best friend and he should stay that way.

He moves back a little, but Damen shifts. He abruptly stops moving for a second to not wake him, but Damen puts his arms on top of him and brings him closer.

“Don’t go.” A sleepy voice whispers as a kiss is pressed on Laurent’s forehead.

Laurent freezes. He must still be dreaming. There’s no way in hell or heaven that Damen just kissed him on the forehead, asleep or not. He swallows, too afraid to look up and find out if Damen did this on purpose or in his dream. In this position, Laurent’s head is even closer to Damen’s clothed chest and he can hear his steady heartbeat, can see the rise and fall of his chest, and can determine Damen isn’t awake at all.

Laurent is going crazy. That’s it. He needs to leave, right now, but he can't move anymore. What the fuck is Damen doing to him? What the fuck is he dreaming about? Why can’t he just tell Laurent now that he likes him too, that nothing is ever simply friendly between them?

Once more, he tries to leave the embrace but Damen hugs him tighter.

“Don’t go.” Damen whispers again. “Laurent, I love you.”

Laurent cannot move, cannot breathe, cannot close his eyes. He’s sure now. He’s the one dreaming.

#Captive Prince #college au #lamen #modern lamen #modern lamen au #modern au #college au part 7 #college au part 7.5 #damen x laurent #laurent x damen #yes i have an article response due tomorrow so this is what i did first #when i procrastinate i write ha #that is just how it goes and i think it is actually good lmao #lamen fic by me

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liddolwhynot2000 · 4 years

Text

Falling

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Summary: Cause Levi can't help falling in love with you.

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Pairing: Levi Ackerman X Reader

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Levi sat on a log, elbows on his knees and hands clasped together, staring at nothing in particular. The sun was setting, but he hardly cared to watch it, too lost in thought.

When Kenny had taken him under his wing all those years ago, he had taught Levi plenty of things. How to use a knife, how to make ‘friends’. Some lessons he preferred to forget, while others he latched on to as a way of life. There was one lesson in particular that he would spend the rest of his life following, almost religiously.

Violence is always the answer.

Hungry? Threaten someone into giving you food. Being held at gun point? Kick the crap out of them. Not getting the answers you want? Torture. Rip out their nails. Break their back.

That was the guideline for surviving in the underground. Dominate everyone using brute force. Make a reputation so fierce that only senseless morons would challenge you. Admittedly, it had worked well for him. He had become the top dog in that dreary, dark hell. Able to eat three times a day, wear decent clothes. He, Farlan and Isabel had survived well for a good amount of time. That is, until they had their first taste of sunlight.

In hindsight, taking that mission had been a foolish mistake. He had lost his cherished friends, and while he now got along with his cormades, it just wasn’t the same. Other parts of his life, however, continued to remain as before.

The surface may have lacked the unhinged lawlessness of the underground, but Levi still utilized his usual methods of living, albeit more legally.

In his years in the military, he had used his superior physical strength to instill fear and discipline. Cadets, high ranking members of the military, even the Queen often cowered before him in fear. Any other man would enjoy the thrill of it, reducing the most powerful people in his country into meek versions of themselves, unable to properly look him in the eye.

And he did. A part of him would always be smug about it, solely because underground filth like him, who had been expected to waste away his life, had managed to climb to a position at the top that no else held.

But it was tiring now. He had become so.. lonely. Everyone he had let into his heart left him. His sweet mother, crazy Kenny, his siblings in all but blood, Farlan and Isabel. Here he was, surprisingly wealthy and popular, but missing his precious people.

Alas, he would never let someone in like that again. The rest of his life was destined to be spent alone, threatening everyone in hearing range and dying on the battlefield. And, with a sigh, he accepted this miserable fate.

What he didn’t know was that meeting you would lead to him burning down his self established fate to ashes and dust, with his very own hands.

____________________________________

Why you had even thought about approaching him was incredulous, Levi mused to himself. An exhausted soldier sitting in the dark of a room, staring mindlessly at the table. He had showed no expression on his face but still, normal people would have been scared off just at the sight of him. You weren’t, and that’s how the two of you met.

You had made him some nice herbal tea and brought it to him. Giving him some plain biscuits along with the beverage. He had eyed you suspiciously, not willing to entertain you with even a thank you. Your intentions had been unclear to him at the time.

What was a beautiful woman like you, even Levi privately admitted to double taking at the sight of you, doing offering tea to him of all people. Kindness didn’t exist in people, he had never seen it in anyone besides his mother and Isabel. So you probably had a hidden motive. Maybe you needed a favour? Or were trying to integrate yourself in with the higher ups for better pay? Or maybe one of those dumb admirers that thought they could change him?

Once you left, after giving him another smile and telling him you hoped he would enjoy the tea, he decided to dismiss all thoughts of you. He wouldn’t help you with shit.

He did enjoy the tea though.

____________________________________

For the next two months, he began seeing you everyday. Not by choice, he told himself. He had accidentally made it a habit to sit in that room, all by himself, everyday, at the exact same time.

And everyday, without fail, you would bring him tea and biscuits. Sometimes there was a cake slice, or cookies, or even a nice meal, like rice with boiled vegetables.

He learned about you in that time. Your name, for one, which sounded oddly pleasing on his tongue. You were a garrison cook, tasked with making meals for the garrison engineers, whose office had been established right next to the Survey Corps headquarters. It explained why he kept seeing you everyday. A part of him had been strangley thrilled to hear that, as if the idea of seeing you everyday was something he actually wanted.

You never flinched around him or stuck around to talk to him for too long. Bringing him his tea with that sweet smile, asking about his day, wishing him well. You never made a face or took his obvious reluctance to talk to heart. His short answers and grunts, his crass language, they all had no effect on you. It was clear you really wanted nothing from him. No favours, no urge to get close. You were just being… kind.

And as someone who had hardly experienced genuine kindness in his life, he would let you continue. Besides, it was the first time someone was behaving around him without Levi having to force them. It was too refreshing for him to stop.

____________________________________

Levi eyed the tray in front of him warily. There was a cup of steaming tea, some sugar cubes he could add, a few biscuits and two sandwiches. He hadn’t touched it yet, even though he knew it would taste amazing, much like everything else you made. But he was rather preoccupied, unable to make sense of what he was feeling.

You hadn’t showed up today. He had waited, expecting that knock on the door, your light footsteps as you entered the room, your cheery voice to greet him. Instead, it had been another cook. Levi had scowled as the girl had blushed and stuttered around him, putting the tray on the table, not quite able to talk to him, or look him in the eye.

‘C-captain I was told to give this to you-’

His irritation had shot up through the roof and with his usual impatience, he snarled at the girl, asking for your whereabouts. Initially, he got no solid response out of her, because she didn’t know. But in the end, as she made to leave, terrified beyond belief of him, she said something that had his heart inexplicably stopping.

‘Sh-she might be o-on a date. That’s why- why she didn’t bring it today. I think’

Now here he was, eyeing the delicious spread infront of him. Except he didn’t have much of an appetite. His mind was jumbled up, unable to comprehend why he felt so.. Hurt?

Were you actually out on a date right now? Allowing some shitty lowlife to woe you? He felt resentful, unsure of himself. It shouldn’t matter to him. It wouldn’t matter to him. He refused to allow it to.

With a grimace, he put his feelings aside and began eating. He knew better then to waste good food.

____________________________________

The next day, when you came with the tray, you told him you had gone to visit your cousin who had given birth to a baby girl. The relief he had felt, knowing that you hadn’t been making goofing off with some hormonal piece of shit, had stunned him. He continued to suprise himself, by behaving like he had been possessed. As evidenced by how before you could leave, his hand shot out to grab your wrist and the words escaped his mouth before he could stop them.

‘Oi, stay. Let’s…eat together. ’

Your eyes had widened, no doubt shocked that he actually wanted you around. With a tentative smile, you nodded in agreement, taking the seat next to him. You carried the conversation, with him silently listening and interjecting his own opinion. Somehow, he had even managed to make you giggle, causing a warmth to spread in his chest. Before the two of you knew it, the tray had been emptied of its contents, yet neither of you made to leave for at least an hour more.

Later, while sitting in his chair, preparing to sleep, Levi thought back to when he had held your wrist. He marvelled at how soft and delicate you had felt in his grasp, wondering what it would feel like to have those arms hold him. Would you feel just as soft, pressed up against him? He could tell you would be gentle, he knew you possessed no mean or rough bone in your body.

Fantasising about you, and yearning to feel more of you, he drifted off to sleep.

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He hated being on sick leave. Abhorred it. He felt useless, couldn’t do shit. Yet here he was, on a one month leave and it was all becuase of his dumbass titan brat.

Eren had been practicing hardening in his titan form, but had positioned himself wrong. He had gotten out of the crystal carcass too soon, and the damn thing had toppled over the entire crowd of soldiers standing near by. Which included him. Most had made a get away with their gear, but Erwin, having only one arm, hadn’t been fast enough. Leading to Levi having to save him in the nick of time. And fracturing his left arm and spraining his right leg.

The doctor had banned him from strenuous activity and had made it clear that he would have to spend at least a month taking it extremely easy. His Ackerman bloodline meant that, unlike other normal people, he would be completely okay within a month.

That hadn’t been enough to stop Levi from grumbing or threatening Erwin or calling the doctor an old hag. Once his fury had partially subsdided, he grudgingly accepted that he needed the rest.

He had thought of going to live at the modest house he owned, which was near headquarters. It had been a gift from the Queen, for his part in taking down Zeke Yeager. The new beast titan shifter had gained all his memories and had been instrumental in them winning the war against Marley. Last he checked, Connie had been appointed to the Northern branch, his power better utilised there in case of attacks from behind.

Erwin hadn’t allowed him to leave, insisting he had no one to take care of him and that he would probably start doing push ups after resting for a day. Which was true. Damn that bastard for knowing him so well.

So here he was, stuck in his room, waiting on the annoying brats to give him food three times a day. There was a knock on the door, probably a soldier with his breakfast, having no idea they were about to be on the recieving end of his ire. And God help Eren if he was dumb enough to be standing out that door. He called them in, only to freeze at the sight.

There you stood, that precious smile on your face, holding a tray of food in one hand and a basket. He couldn’t care less about anything else, all he could focus on was the fact that you were standing infront of him. He felt enchanted, he hadn’t seen you the entire week he had been forced to spend at the hospital.

I missed her, Levi realized.

‘Good Morning Levi!…’

You began chattering, asking for his well being, handing him the tray of food. You had brought him a care package full of goodies, which included lemon cookies, his favorite flavour.

‘Why are you here?’

The question had been asked with his usual bland tone, but there was an emotion behind it only he could identify. There was an excitement welling up in him, as though he knew the answer already.

When you told him you had heard about his injury and had wanted to visit him, he had felt pleased and touched. When you continued on and told him that you had offered Erwin to personally take care of him with your usual duties, so that all the other soldiers wouldn’t have to divide the work between them, Levi was stunned.

’.. Since we’re friends, I figured this way I could help you out and.. ’

Levi took a sip of his broth, which tasted far better then the stale soup the kitchen usually served, watching you move around his room. Anyone else would have been physically hauled and thrown out the window by now, doctors orders be damned. Yet he felt okay with you neatly folding his blanket, straightening out things that he hadn’t been able to because of his injury, comfortably taking charge of his room.

For a brief moment, he saw a vision of you taking care of him like this in his house, as his wife.

As you sat before him, drawing him into conversation, Levi decided that having the month off wasn’t going to be as miserable as thought it would be.

And he was right.

Seeing you three times a day, enjoying meals with you, you fussing over him because you caught him doing pull ups, your bell like laughter that rang in his ears long after you went back to work, it all made him feel more then he could ever define.

Remembering you bandaging his arms everyday, your hands gentle, expression sympathetic as you shyly avoided staring at his bare, muscular chest, Levi decided he would have to acknowledge what he was feeling after all.

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Love.

He was in love with you.

Levi leaned into his chair, setting down the pen had had been writing with. The realization had struck him suddenly and he needed to process it. He had never felt so alive, so amazed.

It had been a year of knowing you, and without even trying, you had made him fall in love with your very existence.

He cherished any moment of time he could spend with you, and you often haunted his thoughts when he couldn’t see you. You were the one he wanted to see first after getting back from a mission, becuase he knew if anyone gave a fuck about him being alive, it was you.

Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to smile, remembering how you had hugged him that one time. He had seen you straight after a deadly battle, covered in blood and small wounds. You had been so concerned, grabbing him by the hand, dragging him to his room.

He recalled how you had been applying alcohol on the injury at the corner of his mouth, causing him to hiss in pain. Frowning, you had applied it more carefully, then brought your mouth closer and lightly blowed air on the wound to reduce the sting. You had either been too caught up in worrying about him or had pretended not to notice, but his eyes had defintiely darkened at having you in such close proximity. Your lips only inches away from his, a hand resting on his shoulder, it had been an effort to not tug on your wrist and seat you in his lap and starting something he had been craving to. Once you had finished helping him and had decided he was in better condition, you had hugged him, a moment he could never forget.

You were shorter then him, so your head rested on his chest as your arms wrapped wrapped around his back. His arms had a mind of their own, immediately taking the oppurtunity to rest on the small of your waist.

Breathing in your scent, burying his nose in your hair, he had savoured the moment. When you pulled away from him, he had frowned, not liking the tears welling up in your eyes.

‘N-never be so reckless again! I got so worried and..’

You had buried yourself in his arms again, silently crying, berating him for being so careless. Your soft form had been pressed against his rough stature, he had never had someone be so gentle with him, care about him this much.

Back in the underground, doctors often had to be threatened into treating him. He had always used force, but there was no need to use any on you. There never had been. And hopefully, there never would be.

Knock knock

Startled, he snapped out of his day dreaming, chuckling to himself. To think he had gotten so lost in his memories with you..you really had become his everything

Expression neutral, he regained himself and called the soldier in.

Now, if only he could somehow tell you.

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A/N: I hope y’all enjoyed this! Maybe I should do a part 2? For the confession? Does anyone want that? Constructive criticism is always welcome. My asks are open so pls send requests. Till next time!

#Snk #Levi ackerman #Levi aot #Reader #Levi x reader #Levi/reader #Fluff #Levi ackerman x reader #Aot

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hello-everyfandom · 3 years

Text

"Whatever happens, I’ll be there, right beside you.”

Warnings: ***Severe Trigger Warnings*** Disordered Eating Habits. Restricting Food Intake. Depression and Anxiety

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

Words: 2.6k

Summary: The world is going to shit around you.

Fred Weasley may be many things. He may be too loud. He may be too big headed and cocky. He may not understand emotions as well as his twin. He may be internally anxious about the fastly approaching war which he knew would be nothing but deadly. But, if Fred is anything, he is utterly mad for you. He could not find any answer that could solve how you could possibly be with a boy like himself, the boy whose laughter bounces off the cobble walls, the boy who grins toothily.

The war, nearly at your fingertips, had taken an emotional and even physical toll on the students at Hogwarts. Fred was worried. He wouldn’t fully say it outloud as he believed in such tumultuous times as such humor was the best coping method. However, he was worried. Worried about you. As confident as you may have seemed, Fred knew full well of the internal demons you’ve suffered the wrath from. If he could, he’d whip out his wand and defeat them all, but it wasn’t like that. He could not even wish them away, even if he shut his eyes as tightly as he could.

Those who believed Harry Potter began preparing for battle, learning defensive spells and attacking hexes to protect themselves and protect their home. You were the first to sign up for Dumbledor’s Army alongside the twins who promised all the younger students to prank the ever loving hell out of any Death Eaters who dared roam Hogwarts.

Fred began to notice a change in your demeanor when training had hit a month or so. You were working yourself to the bone, studying as many protection spells as you could and studying the herbs and potions needed for quick healing. You assured Fred with a kiss on his cheek that you were merely getting as prepared as you could. Fred couldn’t really do anything or think of anything to argue back with, but he watched with wary eyes.

“Freddie,” you laughed, “You can wipe that worried look off your face. I’m fine!”

“But-”

“Seriously.” You patted his cheek kindly, “Go on and join the boys for dinner, I’ll be there in a moment.”

Fred nodded, slowly walking away from where you sat. He waited for you at supper, even made you a plate and made sure no one took the last chocolate pudding as he knew that was your study snack. But, you never came.

Okay, Fred thought. You must have been too buried in a book as you sometimes were. When night began to grow and he hadn’t seen you for a few hours, he began his search and bid his whining twin behind. He found you where he had last left you, still studying the words of numerous textbooks.

“Missed dinner,” Fred said softly.

“Did I?” you asked, surprised, quickly looking to the clock that hung on the wall you saw that it was nearly ten past eleven. “Oh, bollocks.” You laughed at yourself.

“Yeah, bollocks.” Fred mocked, pulling you to your feet. “Come on then, let’s sneak you something from the kitchens, yeah?”

You bit your cheek, thinking in your head, “I’m really not that hungry.”

“Really?” Fred’s eyebrows raised, “But you’re always hungry after reading, especially big, boring smelly textbooks like these.” He waved his hand accusingly at the books on the table.

With a grin, you shook your head, “Really. I had a large lunch and I’m actually rather tired.”

Fred hummed, interlocking your fingers, “Shall we head to bed then? Have a good little cuddle?”

You nodded in response and began to collect the books to take back to your dormitory.

“No, no!” Fred protested, “Don’t bring the bloody books.”

“Don’t insult the books, Freddie, lest you want a big, boring, smelly textbook in your crotch.”

Fred grumbled and complied, even taking a few of the heavier ones in his arms. Fred slept soundly that night, with his arms wrapped around you. It was only until you were tossing and turning and eventually getting up to light a candle and begin reading again. Fred looked at your hunched figure with bleary eyes.

“What in heaven’s name are you doing love?” he whispered.

“I couldn’t sleep, thought I’d read a bit instead. Go back to sleep,” you whispered back. Fred didn’t think much of this, even though he should’ve, but instead he watched you read until he unwillingly fell asleep again.

Weeks passed, more training sessions and lessons and homework upon homework. Fred kept a smile on his face, giving encouragement to the young D.A members and laughing when George would get blasted back by their little sister. You laughed as well, making Fred grin even larger. He saw you improve beyond belief, able to detect spells thrown at you. He believed wholeheartedly that you could duel with a blindfold on and shamelessly win. But to you? Your form was wonky and your wordless spells needed extreme practice. You brought it upon yourself to take extra practice times in the Room of Requirement, in the space between doing homework and studying. Those times, to Fred’s utter dismay, were usually meal times.

“But-”

“Swear on my life, Fred, I eat when I get back to the dorm, you’re usually asleep by then!”

“But-”

“Freddie, you’re going to wear yourself thin if you continue to worry about me.”

“It’s my job to worry about you.” Fred argued, “Is something wrong? Anything I can help with?”

Shaking your head, “No no, just want some time to practice, that’s all.”

“Can’t you take a little break? George and Lee haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Well,” you chuckled, “that’s not true. George and I sat next to each other during Divination and I helped Lee with his girl troubles last night.”

“Oh, but... you can still take a break! At least come to dinner?”

“Maybe,” you reached on your toes to press a kiss to Fred’s lips, “We’ll see.”

As you walked away, Fred yelled, “So see you at dinner?”

“Goodbye, Freddie!” you answered back.

Now is the time to be truthful. Standing in the Room of Requirement, alone to your own thoughts. Something was wrong. You weren’t exactly sure what and couldn’t pin where you felt anxious, but you knew something was off and was beginning to fear your love would notice as well. To be honest, you had gotten frightfully used to skipping meals. At first, it bothered your stomach as it growled and rang, but the more you ignored the ache the more you could withstand. Hunger only seemed to be a nuisance to you, distracting you from focusing. The only thing you wanted was to become stronger. Practicing and moving toned you down, but it didn’t seem enough. The girls in your year and below you were smaller, able to move quicker and think faster. Time seemed to serve you well as you put all your focus and will into exercise. When Fred and even George would approach you with plates of food, you’d fawn and smile, thanking them profusely for thinking of you. When they left, or turned an eye, you’d enchant the food away, not wanting to smell the scent of mashed potatoes and roast. The lack of food in your body displayed a false sense of security as you began to feel better and better everyday.

Fred, oh Fred, such an innocent, oblivious boy could only notice your change in routine. Had he noticed the baggy sweaters you stole from him and the sudden change in your cheeks, perhaps he would’ve cursed himself. But, he basked in the fact that he thought you were happy. It wasn’t his fault either. You did a terrific job at hiding behind large sweaters and cups of hot caffeinated tea that filled your belly.

“I’m exhausted.” you moaned, falling backwards onto your bed. Fred joined you, lying sideways so he could look at his beautiful girlfriend. To him, you were effortlessly pretty. Enchanting he may even say. Fred leaned closer, wrapping an arm around your waist and kissing the skin of your exposed neck.

“Shall we have a nap then?”

“Maybe,” you yawned, “but you better be careful, I’m quite sore from lessons today.”

Fred joked playfully, “I know, saw you take quite a spill after Hermione spit that spell at you.”

“You would think she would’ve gone easy!” you laughed back.

“Come on, up then.”

“No, why!” you cried, refusing to take his hands.

“You buffoon, I’m going to give you a massage. You know, since I’m such a loving, perfect boyfriend to his seemingly ungrateful girlfriend.”

“You may call me ungrateful but buffoon? That’s going too far.” you bit back but nevertheless agreed and sat up so you were seated between Fred’s open legs. Fred’s thumbs quickly found your shoulders, rubbing your muscles. You moaned with the pressure of the pads of his thumbs.

“You’re more tense than a horse’s arse.” Fred commented, sticking his tongue out in concentration.

“Will you just let me enjoy this?”

“I think,” Fred touched the hem of your sweater, which was actually his from third year, “I may be able to help more if this were off.”

“Is that a pick up line?” you asked sarcastically, “Not quite bright with the ladies, are we?”

“If I was not in love with you, I’m pretty sure I would have dumped you by now,” Fred joked. Of course, that wasn’t true at all, but his comment would be something you’d think about for days on.

“Alright, but I’m only wearing a bra under this, cover your virgin eyes if you must.”

Fred scoffed and began to take off your sweater, “Virgin eyes, my cock and balls.”

The cold hit your bare skin making you shudder. Fred couldn’t see much as the low light only seemed to cast shadows. But, as he began to massage your tired muscles, he could not ignore the feeling of your shoulders in his hands. He could feel the curve of your bones and your collar which was prominent against his touch. The straps of your bra were loose. You were silent, unknowing and enjoying what you thought was a nice massage.

“Y/N,” Fred said slowly, making you open your eyes.

“Hm?” you hummed back. Fred stood from the bed making you turn to look at him with questioning eyes. Fred quickly lit a candle next to your bed, illuminating the space between you two.

“Oh my god.” He whispered under his breath.

“Well, that’s not very nice to hear, is it?” you responded, feeling a little hurt.

“No, no,” Fred said quickly, trying to assure you. But he had seen you already. Upon the skin of your back, you were littered with bruises from practice. Spots of black and blue touched you and curved with your spine. He could nearly count every joint and sucked in a breath of harsh air.

“Darling,” his voice slower and slower, trying to grasp and piece together what is happening.

“What’s wrong? What is it?” you asked frantically, trying to look at your back. You breathed a breath of relief, “Oh, the bruises? Those are just from practicing from dueling.”

“No...” he swallowed, “Will you... turn around for me?” Fred asked. You turned and sat to face him, completely unsure of what was happening with your usual bubbly boyfriend. As you shifted, Fred nearly fainted to his feet. You had grown thinner, he could see the tops of your ribs and the thinness of your arms.

“What is it? Freddie, honey, you’re worrying me.”

He thought. A million thoughts fastly flying through his head, his tongue going dry and swelling. “When was the last time you ate?”

Immediately, you covered your body with your arms, attempting to hide and searched for your sweater that Fred had thrown somewhere. “What are you talking about? Fred, that’s a little rude.”

“Be honest with me.” Fred said sternly, sitting down in front of you. You tossed your sweater over your head, shying into the safety of the fabric.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Fred, what the hell?” you asked, angrily and frankly, a little embarrassed. To you, it didn’t seem like a worried boyfriend but a judgemental boyfriend, scanning your body for imperfections and flaws. But Fred was nothing but worried, fearful and terrified.

“You need to tell me, right now. No bullshit. Have you been eating?” Fred’s voice was never serious, never as serious as now where his tone made you shake and cower. Fred noticed your face drop and the scared emotion in your eyes and mentally kicked himself. He was quiet, thinking again.

“This isn’t healthy, Y/N.” he whispered. His words made your stomach drop and your hands become cold with sweat.

“Fred-”

“You haven’t been eating, have you?” Fred asked, already knowing the answer. He began to desperately file through his memories. Like a shade drawn up, he nearly threw up. These few days, you were exhausted, couldn’t stand as well, shaking when standing. He thought of himself as foolish.

“Answer, please.” Fred begged. He grasped your hands in his, only now noticing your skinny fingers. “Please, my love, please. Have you been eating?”

Fred’s begging made you whimper. The sadness in his tone made your eyes well and your throat close until you could only spit out the words, “I can’t.”

“Tell me,” Fred cried out.

“I can’t eat. I feel sickly when I eat.”

Fred choked out a sob. He rarely cried but seeing how oblivious he was to your pain made him stricken with grief.

“But, it’s okay.” you said quickly after, nodding your head, “I’m fine.”

“No,” Fred gripped your tighter, “You’re not fine, darling.”

“I can eat anytime I want,” you tried to persuade him, or you, you weren’t sure which one.

“But, you won’t.” Your boyfriend said. The truth, the truth you had been cowardly hiding from was there, in front of your face, and this time you could not hide. Your silence was all the answers he needed. You couldn’t control yourself. You began to cry alongside him, sorrowful for everything that lived.

“What happened? Love? Tell me,”

“I-” you stuttered and struggled to breath, Fred moved so he could rub your back, still looking at you, “I don’t know. I. It started one day and then I guess, well I. I don’t know. I guess, I guess the stress and...” you cried harder, “I don’t know.”

“That’s okay,” Fred hushed you, pulling you in for a hug, wrapping his long arms around your wracking figure. “I’m here now, I won’t leave you. I’m here. I’ll help,”

“You can’t help!” your lips quivered, pulling back harshly in a state of disarray. “You can’t! I- I don’t. You can't. I don’t know.” you couldn’t say anything. Fred placed his hands, gently, on your cheeks, staring into the eyes of the woman he adored.

“We’ll try. I’ll try, and so will you.” Fred assured you, rubbing your cheeks.

“I don’t know if I can.” you said, hiccuping through cries.

“You can. You’re so unbelievably strong, I’ve seen you whoop several old sods in our year’s ass. And I know,” Fred moved your head softly so he could look at you better, “I know my words may not help, but I think you are so beautiful. Whatever happens, I’ll be there, right beside you.”

It wasn’t an exact solution and it didn’t automatically nor immediately solve anything, but it was something. It was what you needed to hear at the moment. To know you weren’t alone facing not only the physical battle of the external world but the internal one. It would take time, time needed, to be yourself again. Even still, on the days you felt worse, Fred would squeeze your hand in his and press a kiss on your lips.

#fred weasley #fred weasley fic #fred wealsey imagines #harry potter #harry potter imagines #harry potter imagine #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley imagine

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capseycartwright · 3 years

Note

“All I wanted was for you to be happy.”

i had to jump on the eddie getting shot spec train for this one, no regrets

more readable on ao3 here

send me a prompt from this list

Eddie is pretty sure he’s dead. Which, in the grand scheme of how he’d hoped to spend his Tuesday, wasn’t all that great - he’d had his fingers crossed for surviving his shift, going home to his son, and probably watching that ridiculous Trolls film both Christopher and Buck were obsessed with - but instead he’s dead.

He has to be dead, because that is the only explanation for the fact that Shannon, his extremely dead wife, was standing in front of him.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” Shannon said, her tone accusatory. She was wearing a beautiful yellow dress - one Eddie had bought her actually, at an over-priced boutique in Miami on their first ever holiday together.

“I hadn’t exactly planned on dying today, Shannon!” Eddie tried to defend himself.

“You’re not dead,” Shannon reassured, looking as though she was aching to touch him. “You might be soon, though.”

Eddie swallowed back his own tears. He - he’d thought about how he might die. Of course he had - during long, lonely nights on deployment, Eddie had wondered if that was how he was going to go - in the sweltering heat of the desert, gun on his hip and the weight of what he’d done in the name of supporting his family pinning him to the sand. After he’d been discharged, and he got back to Texas, he’d been in survival mode - he’d never thought beyond getting through each and every day, one at a time.

But - recently, he’d thought about it. Imagined growing old, and dying at eighty, or ninety years old - old enough that he got to see a career in the LAFD through, and he got to see Christopher grow up, and find his feet, and maybe get married, and have kids, if he decides he wants that. Eddie imagined how it might feel to die at the end of a long, happy life - a life well lived, not a life defined by the things he had done to try and survive.

“You’re supposed to die when you’re old and grey, Eddie,” Shannon sighed.

“So were you,” Eddie countered, wiping roughly at his tears.

Shannon’s smile was sad. “I think that ship has sailed, Eddie.”

“You left me,” Eddie couldn’t help his anger. “You died, and you left me alone, Shannon.”

“If I’d had the choice, I wouldn’t have,” Shannon shook her head. “But Eddie - you’re not alone. Surely you can see that. So many people love you, and need you - Christopher, more than anyone. Eddie - all I wanted was for you to be happy, but we couldn’t do that for each other.”

Eddie wanted to scream, and yell, and curse whatever God had put him in this situation - teetering on the edge of life, talking to his dead wife. He finally had the opportunity to tell her everything he wanted to - to make sure she knew how hurt and devastated he had been by her dying, but now he could, the words weren’t coming.

“It hurts, Shannon,” Eddie whimpered, almost pitifully. “Everyday of my life. It hurts, and I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Eddie,” Shannon said, in that soft, familiar voice she used to use on Christopher. “It hurts because it mattered - it matters. But it doesn’t have to be so hard, you know - you have people to share the burden with. I wish you’d open your eyes to that.”

“This isn’t real,” Eddie shook his head, squeezing his shut tightly.

“It’s as real as you need it to be,” Shannon said. “Eddie - be happy. Please. And - really happy, okay? You don’t have to just survive, or live a life you think will make your parents happy, or Christopher happy. If you’re happy - really happy, happy for yourself - Christopher will see it and he’ll love you for it even more.”

“I don’t want to die yet, Shannon,” Eddie admitted, looking at his wife, tears pouring down his face. He wasn’t ready to go - not yet. Not like this - bleeding out in the middle of the street. He wanted to die an old man, with Christopher at his side.

With Buck at his side.

Shannon fixed him with a steely glare. “Then fight, Eddie - harder than you ever have before. You need to fight, Eddie.”

“Eddie, Eddie, come on. Eddie, open - open your eyes, please, talk to me.”

“I’m so tired Shannon,” Eddie admitted.

“Fight, Eddie,” Shannon repeated. “For Christopher - for me. For yourself. For Buck.”

“EDDIE!”

The pain was unbearable as Eddie forced his eyes open, Shannon and wherever he had been gone - he was back, at the scene of the shooting, concrete digging into his back as Buck desperately tried to stem the bleeding.

Eddie hadn’t needed the reminder of how it felt to get shot. He - he would never forget the searing pain of the first time he’d taken a bullet, back in Afghanistan. Somehow - somehow it was worse, this time, and Eddie figured it was because he didn’t have any bulletproof gear. He’d taken a bullet to the cheap nylon material of his firefighter uniform - no vest, no thick military issue uniform. It felt like his skin was burning, fiery pain coursing through every inch of his body.

“B-Buck,” Eddie could taste blood, as he tried to speak - that wasn’t good. Why wasn’t there help coming? He - he must have been bleeding out for a few minutes, now, but no one was coming, no one was helping him except Buck.

Buck -

Eddie squinted at his best friend, spotting the blooming blood stain on his side. “Shooter. Still active?” he managed to choke out.

Buck nodded, pushing his hands further into the wound, ignoring Eddie’s desperate whimper of pain. “Yeah,” he admitted. “It’s still an active shooter scene.”

Eddie looked at Buck. “You - moved?” he tried, a coughing fit making him groan in pain. He knew he was crying - he could feel the tears rolling down the sides of his cheeks, dripping onto the rough gravel underneath his head.

Buck nodded again.

“Idiot,” Eddie mumbled.

“Yeah, maybe,” Buck tried to joke. “But there was no way I was going to let you bleed out, Eddie - so you need to do your bit and stay with me until help gets here. Okay? Because I’ve got your back.”

“You’re - hurt,” Eddie gasped, yelping as Buck applied more pressure to the wound.

“I know, it hurts, I’m sorry,” Buck seemed genuinely sympathetic, but unrelenting in the pressure he was putting on Eddie’s side. “And mine is just a flesh wound, don’t worry.”

“Buck,” Eddie knew he was slurring his words now, his vision hazy as he tried to grip onto Buck’s wrist weakly. “Don’t wanna die.”

“You’re not going to,” Buck’s voice was desperate, and Eddie didn’t need to be fully lucid to realise his best friend was crying too, tears pouring down his cheeks as he looked around wildly, trying to gauge how far out help was. He must have fallen, Eddie realised - his face was scraped up. “You’re going to be just fine, Eddie - okay? You’re going to be fine. And when - and when we’re both patched up, I’m going to take you to that beach bar in Malibu I was telling you about. The one with the cocktails I know you’ll pretend to hate - but you’ll love, really.”

Eddie couldn’t help himself. “Like - a date?” he managed, breathing getting harder by the minute. He must have lost a lot of blood by now - Buck’s shirt was covered in it, and Eddie felt dizzy, and light-headed.

Buck gave a wet laugh. “Yeah, if you want,” he said. “Break up with your girlfriend first, and we’ll talk.”

Eddie felt his eyes closing. “M’okay.”

“Eddie, Eddie, keep your eyes open, okay? Keep your eyes open for me - I need you to stay awake a little longer,” Buck begged, and pleaded, but his voice was already starting to sound muffled, and far away.

“You need to fight, Eddie.”

Eddie really didn’t want to die, this time -

He had too much left to do, still. He hadn’t realised that until the bullet had ripped through his shoulder - he wanted to take Buck on a date, and he wanted to travel, with Christopher, and he thought it might be quite nice to get a dog, one day, and Chimney was convincing him to get his paramedic certification, and there was lots of things he’d never done.

Eddie had even thought about learning to cook - taking a class, maybe.

He wasn’t ready to go, yet.

He vaguely registered the sound of sirens and yelling but he was too out of it to know if it was real, or not - but Shannon felt real, her yellow dress stark against the white walls of wherever he was (hospital, maybe? Or heaven, he wasn’t sure.)

“You did good, Eddie,” she said, voice soft. “Be happy. Okay?”

Eddie felt a hand squeeze his - a hand he knew well enough to know it belonged to Buck, the only hands he knew that could dwarf his own, warm and familiar and grounding, holding tightly to Eddie - as though he was about to float away.

No - he wouldn’t do that.

Eddie had a few things to do first. “I’m okay,” he managed, his voice sounding like gravel, harsh and scratchy against his dry throat. “Buck. Ev. ‘M fine.”

“I know,” Buck’s voice sounded wet with tears. “Sleep, Eddie. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Sleep. That sounded nice.

Eddie feebly tried to squeeze Buck’s hand in response. “Okay.”

#911 fox #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #in which i ramble #in which lorna writes fic

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writing-in-april · 3 years

Text

The Five Stages of Grief

Stage five: Acceptance (5/5)

Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader (Spencer’s POV)

Thanks to @zhuzhubii who helped me so much with this series and made this gif for me 🥰

Summary: Spencer going through each of the stages of grief after the death of the reader. Stage five is acceptance.

A/N: Can’t believe my first series on here is done!!! I’m not gonna lie you guys this chapter is super emotional for me- I no joke cried the whole time while writing it and while rereading to edit. I basically have been going through the same thing recently with my Nana. This chapter is very close to my heart and is definitely the most personal chapter for me. The whole series is actually heavily inspired by season 3 episode 19 -one of my favorite episodes of criminal minds- and I also used elements from season 3 episode 15. This also kinda helps explain a lot of my writing choices throughout the whole series if you’re curious. I did my first real attempt at foreshadowing in this series, I hope you all enjoy it! Thank you for all the love and support on this series- with a special thanks to @spencerreidsmiles and @andiebeaword -you all have been so lovely and amazing.

Warnings (All warnings for the whole series are on series Masterlist): Sad Spencer, References to past drug use, References to past suicidal behaviors, Small panic attack, Hopeful Spencer, Unreliable narrator (much less so in this chapter)

Main Masterlist | The 5 Stages Masterlist Word Count: 3.5k (longest chapter)

It’s been a year; One full year since they had died in my arms. One full year since they had been shot so cruelly by a heartless unsub in an alley. One full year since I had been graced with their presence and the sound of their voice.

The elements of my emotions were extremely complex according to my therapist, and surprisingly I found myself starting to feel the benefits with them more every time I went to an individual session or a group session. It was hard for me to realize that I would have to learn to accept my situation.

It was hard to learn how to understand my own emotions when I had been so willing to shut them out, to try and convince myself that they didn’t exist.

I had begun to learn that I carried around the water that felt like I could drown in, the fire that burned so hot that anyone near it would get burned, the earth that I had wished would bury me with the pebbles I had chosen to cope with, and even the polluted air of my sadness around with me everyday. But, now I somewhat accepted the fact that they would always be with me, or at least I was trying to.

I had to learn to accept.

Even if it hurt I had to learn to at least try.

The next goal I had been given by the therapist was the most daunting of my tasks yet in my opinion. Trying to convince myself to open the boxes in the corner of the bedroom I had once shared with Y/N was harder than trying to get clean. The thought that had propelled me forward into getting clean was that I felt as though I would be disrespecting Y/N by not staying clean. They had been the reason all those years ago that I had spilled the clear liquid down the toilet and I needed to do it again, if only for them.

The boxes were something that were easier to ignore. I could ignore them by turning my back to the stack of boxes, choosing instead to stare at the painted walls of my apartment instead. There was no reason for me to stop ignoring the boxes, no one was trying to pressure me to open them besides my therapist. Everyone else in my life had no expectations for me to open them at any time, if ever, including Y/N’s family.

But, it had begun to feel like maybe I could try to attempt to open the boxes. I wasn’t sure what had finally prompted my brain into thinking that perhaps it would be a good thing to stop ignoring it. I stopped trying to understand why my mind works the way it does long ago, I had poured enough time into my life thinking about that.

I had felt this overwhelming urge to be able to look back at things that once belonged to them with some semblance of peace. I wanted to enjoy the memories we had together once more. I was tired of letting the memories get soiled by the unsub, I deserved to still think back on the one that I loved with a smile. I deserved to be able to preserve their memories with happiness and not let them sour with sadness. I wouldn’t let the unsub be able to kill something else while he was behind bars, my memories.

I was ready.

I was ready to open those boxes.

I was ready to at least try.

I was ready to try and look back at the memories.

I wasn’t going to let their memory die too.

My first attempt to open the boxes in the corner of my bedroom consisted of me staring for two hours at the stacks. I knew that I at least wanted to try to attempt to open a box, even if it was the smallest of the bunch.

That day I had gotten the lid of one of the boxes open. That was as much as I could handle emotionally in that moment. There was a small part of myself that wanted to push myself to look inside the box, but I couldn’t do it that night. That night I laid down on the bed, again facing the wall, unwilling to look at the boxes. I knew if I did I’d feel as if I had failed and I had to keep trying to convince myself that small progress was still progress.

I tried again despite the swirling anxiety in the hole in my chest.

I was still willing because I still wanted to have my memories unsullied by sadness.

I still knew that I deserved that despite my volatile elemental emotions threatening to push me into another toxic loop.

The next time I tried to look in the box I had previously opened just a little I immediately got choked, recognizing the contents sat at the top surrounded by other smaller insignificant items. I only managed to grab one of their old tchotchkes that used to sit on their desk in the bullpen. It was insignificant enough of an item that it didn’t make me fall into an endless loop of my emotions. I clutched it all night while I tried to sleep, though I still faced away from the boxes.

I hadn’t given up yet I still wanted to try, if only for them.

I would still try for them, even if I didn’t succeed, I still felt better for trying.

It had taken me awhile to muster up the courage to look at the box again, even though I still wanted to try I was scared that the contents would be too much for my fragile psyche. What I had gotten a glimpse of at the top of the box was something that used to be important for Y/N.

The next time I tried to look I successfully managed to pick up the item that had triggered the painful memory in my mind. It was ironically, it was another box.

The box wasn’t something that was explicitly tied to memories that we shared together. I knew it to be a music box from their childhood, given to them by someone that had meant so much to them. Out of curiosity I cranked the knob on the side and slowly opened the lid, wondering if I could handle the sounds of a song that I had often heard every time they had opened it to listen to the twinkle of the box they cherished.

As soon as the beginning notes of Swan Lake floated into the air I slammed to top shut, unwilling to open up the box of my emotions all the way just yet. I knew I couldn’t get rid of it, it was too important of an artifact in Y/N’s life. Though I knew that this wasn’t something I could keep to myself, this belonged to Y/N’s family. I clutched the box for a second in my arms when I came to the realization that the trinket should be with someone else as if it would be cruelly ripped from my arms right then and there. I felt a little fire being stoked in my belly at the thought of people taking it from me, even though there was no one there in my lonely apartment with me.

I started a breathing exercise that my therapist had told me to use when I felt like this. No matter how much it pained me to admit it, it did help immensely in snuffing out the emotions when I could feel them begin to spiral out of control.

I couldn’t let myself fall into an endless loop of volatile emotions again. I had worked hard to get clean after I had started to write my amends. It had been a hard uphill battle even after I had written down my amends, my grief hadn’t magically gone away that day. Getting clean had been much harder without my rock and the person who had helped me get clean the first time around. I wouldn’t disrespect their memory by going back to dilaudid again.

Once the initial fear began to fade and my breathing had grown steady I forced myself to loosen my grip on the music box. I then carefully set it down in a place that would be suitable enough for a stack of things I’d pass off to other people that had been important to them. I hoped I’d soon be ready to make a donation pile despite that I despised the mere thought of giving something away that belonged to them to a mere stranger.

It was already too much for today, I could only bear looking at the one item. I didn't know how I’d be able to handle it if the box was filled with more trinkets that were important to them. I did however find myself thinking when I laid down on my bed for the night after a hot shower to relax my mind. I found my mind thinking about the trinkets they’d had an affinity for collecting. It still brought tears to my eyes to think about giving away their stuff, even if it was to people who also mattered in their life. But, I found myself thinking about their old cute little trinkets without as much pain, though it was definitely still there.

Maybe tomorrow when I try, I’d do better.

The small box that I had begun to unpack over a series of days didn’t hold anything else seemingly important to Y/N’s life. Besides the music box I had found prior, the small box was only filled with unimportant trinkets that thankfully didn’t spark much meaning in my mind. It was obvious that when the team had initially helped me to put their stuff away until I was ready that things had been put away in a slight haste. They must’ve done it so quickly as a way to try and help me. The animosity that I had held towards my team for the last year because of Y/N’s death had been slowly melting away over time. I still wasn’t as friendly as I had been before, but I knew my frigid nature after the event hadn’t been justified. I knew now that they had only my best interests at heart, even if they didn’t always pinpoint what they were correctly. I had even begun to regain some of my desk duties once I had gotten clean. It had felt good to feel somewhat normal even though the sight of their desk directly across from mine and their still empty round table chair still made my heart pang with grief.

I had even begun texting them more frequently again, though I was still aversive to text, so I guess it still wasn’t that often. Some things really do never change despite the fact that my life had turned on its head in the past year. I had even begun to write letters to my mom again.

I knew I was lucky to still have people by my side, even if it wasn’t the one I knew deep down I still wanted with me.

I thought I could have at least done the box without crying anymore.

That was until I found something at the bottom of the box that made the dam holding my memories back in my mind break to flood my mind. The book would probably seem inconsequential compared to the rest of the items that I knew sat in the other boxes. Most people would assume after just looking at the surface level what items of Y/N’s meant most to me, the ones I wanted to keep. The black paper back was well worn around the edges, almost like if I read it too frequently and I wasn’t too careful that the spine would break. I ran my fingers up and down the battered book as I began to willingly reminisce. To other people the book would’ve looked beaten already beyond repair, maybe as if it had not been loved enough, battered perhaps because of neglect.

But, just like me I knew that Y/N had loved the book more than most people would be willing to.

I knew that I wanted to keep this book, no matter how painful I knew their contents would be for me. I hoped that I’d be able to read it so much that I’d be afraid for the binding of the book, just to be able to feel close to them again. Though I wasn’t quite sure if I was ready to dig up this particular memory, it might still be too painful for me.

I remember they had bought this book for us after I had connected with a grieving father on a case. He had specifically quoted a poem to me that stuck with me for weeks after. Once I had told them of the excerpt quoted to me they had immediately grabbed a copy of where it had originated from, a long Wordsworth poem. The book “Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood” became their favorite quickly, in fact it used to take residence in the top drawer of their nightstand. They had often loved to read me their favorite excerpts at night just before bed when my eyes couldn’t stand to focus on the pages anymore.

When I opened the well worn book it flipped open to where they had set their bookmark last, I recognized the excerpt immediately. My breath got caught up in my throat when the words danced around in my vision. I wasn’t sure if I could face this specific excerpt quite yet, or even be able to read any part of the poem. The book held so many memories of them. This specific poem held so much meaning to the both of us.

However, there was something in me that wanted to try. I wanted to be able to read the poem again and remember the memories we shared fondly. I wanted to be able to enjoy my memories with them. I had come to realize over the past year that their memory deserved to be nurtured with fondness not overwhelmed with sadness.

So, I decided to try.

The memory’s attached to the excerpt immediately began flooding back even as soon as I read the beginning words. The bookmark had landed on the page that had been quoted to me by the grieving father, the words holding even more meaning in my life now than ever before.

“What though the radiance which was once so bright Be now for ever taken from my-“

The tears in my eyes blurred my vision, so much so that I had to stop reading for a moment to wipe my eyes. I didn’t know if I wanted to continue, just those first few lines were already weighing heavily on my mind. I was already focusing on the radiance that had left my life forever. A radiance that was once so bright, but was now snuffed out, forever taken from my sight. My sorrow was creeping in with small little waves in my mind, I just had to hope that it wouldn't drown me. I didn’t want to get stuck on an endless loop of emotions again, I had just gotten fully clean a little while ago.

Even though I was feeling intensely emotional over just the first few words I wanted to keep trying. I wanted to read this poem and smile. I wanted to be able to look back at our memories with love, to take back what had been polluted by the acts of a heinous man. Once I had somewhat collected myself and my thoughts I began to read again from the beginning of the excerpt-

“What though the radiance which was once so bright Be now for ever taken from my sight, Though nothing can bring back the hour Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower,”

My entire being could not help but ache as I read the words, still aching for the presence of the one who had been forever taken from my sight. When I reached that part that I remembered asking the grieving man about all those years ago, the words held an even deeper meaning to me now than I ever thought possible. There was nothing I could do to bring back the hour where I was still in my lover’s embrace. I wanted to be back in the moments of splendour in the grass and glory in the flower, I knew that soon I’d have to fully accept that it wasn’t possible.

Again I had to wipe tears from my eyes before continuing to read the stanza. This time a few tears dribbling down onto the pages, marking them with my sadness forever no matter if it dried into the parchment or not. I continued to read the page despite the saltwater that continued to drip down my face,

“We will grieve not, rather find Strength in what remains behind; In the primal sympathy Which having been must ever be; In the soothing thoughts that spring Out of human suffering; In the faith that looks through death, In years that bring the philosophic mind”

I felt a small watery smile creep onto my face, it had been so long since I had remembered to smile with sincerity. I was thinking about some of the times they had read this to me as I tried to drift off into a most likely restless sleep. Though I had always slept better when they read to me. At the time the words hadn’t meant as much to me as they did now, I now had a permanent connection to the feeling of grief that would never be erased. For the first time in a long time thinking about them didn’t hurt as much for a moment, I actually smiled, even though it was rather watery. No matter how small or sad the smile was, I was still smiling. And, I knew in that moment that Y/N would’ve been proud of me.

I pondered on the stanza’s meaning in a deeper way than I had done before. The things stated in the stanza about how I would gain strength from this situation made me contemplate what Y/N would’ve wanted me to do after their death. They wouldn’t want me to give up as I had done before, they had always wanted the best for me. They would want me to gain strength from the situation.

They would want me to grow from the pain that sat in my chest.

They would want me to move on, to accept.

I didn’t know if I’d ever find someone else that I’d ever love as much as I loved them. I didn’t really ever want to, I had found my true love already. Maybe one day I’d find someone to fall in love with again and if I did I knew they would be happy that I was able to move on with someone else. Even if I ever did move on with someone else there’d always be a part of my heart that belonged to Y/N. For now I was ready to move on in a different way. I was ready to live my life without them, by myself.

The trauma of losing them would always weigh heavily on my soul, I’d carry that with me until I rejoined them in the earth. But, I was now ready to keep living, if only for them. I felt less guilty now since I had grown to realize that they’d want me to try and live the rest of my life as fully as I could. They’d want me to try and find happiness. I didn’t know if I would ever truly find it again, whether it was on my own or with someone else.

They may have been forever taken from my sight, but I found comfort in the fact that the radiance they brought into my life would always reside in me. Instead of letting the deep hole in my chest gape until the hour of my death, I’d let it fill with the radiance of their memory.

I was ready to try.

I was ready to try even if I knew the water that felt like I could drown in, the fire that burned so hot that anyone near it would get burned, the earth that I had wished would bury me with the pebbles I had chosen to cope with, and even the polluted air of my sadness around with me everyday would sometimes take ahold of me again no matter how hard I tried.

I’d always carry those emotions with me, but I knew I was ready.

“Nothing can bring back the hour of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower.”

I knew I was ready because their memory would always be with me to give me strength and to guide me. They’d always be there to help me try to live the rest of my life peacefully.

When I slept that night I faced the boxes while clutching the book to my chest.

Even though it still would always hurt on some level, I was ready to live in a reality where I could accept.

—-

Tag list (message me if you want to be added):

All works:

@shotarosleftpinky @oreogutz @90spumkin @kyra-morningstar

Spencer Reid/CM:

@calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss @slutforthegubes

5 stages of grief:

@joonie-centric @tatesimper @half-blood-dork @mcntsee @illuxions-x @rainsong01 @nomajdetective @loveheathens @day-n-night-dreamer @reidbuck

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid angst #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid series #criminal minds #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler #5 stages of grief series #5 stages of grief

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things-happens · 3 years

Text

In Memory

Levi Ackerman x gn! Reader

Armin Arlert x gn! Reader

Erwin Smith x gn! Reader

Mikasa Ackerman x gn! Reader

hola 😎 i have a request for ya! which i do hope you like cause I literally spent hALF aN hoUR thinking of how it should go... anyWAYS, i’m gonna request it rn cause why not? .. anyways—maybe a hc for Levi, Armin, Erwin, Mikasa, and Pieck; their S/O’s favorite memories with them are playing in their mind. They wished it happened again. people thought they (they = pieck, levi, armin - yk)—people thought they went crazy. out of their mind insane. They do often smile, when they hear their S/O’s laugh. They cry when they hear their S/O’s screams. They couldn’t save them in time. they were now dead. // now do keep in mind, that this all happened weeks after their S/O’s death. they felt so useless at the fact that they couldn’t save them in time. the one they loved the most...

Note: I DELETED THIS AND HAD TO MADE THE POST so... please like and share thank you. Also I'm not caught up on season 4 but I know what has happened so I don't know Pieck's personality, I didn't want to get her wrong.

Prompt List

Mastlister

Summary: their s/o passed, they blame themselves and other and sadly cannot cope.

Warnings: Death, Blood, Feels and Fluff Words: a lot just a lot

Levi Ackerman (Sadderdaze)

Somethings never change for Levi losing the ones he loves left and right but why did he think that would change with y/n.

During the Battle of Shiganshina, Y/n was by Levi’s side the whole time.

They always was anyways, the lone survivor of Levi’s Squad after the 57th Expansion. Years ago, they vowed the loyalty for him then again 3 years later, till death did them part.

They both lead the group of soldiers to eliminate the Beast Titan.

As the Beast began to throw rocks everyone took covered in an abandoned town, after the first-round y/n and Levi resurfaced on the roofs.

They both noticed the beast was readying for another throw, yelling for the other to go bad into cover.

“GO BACK!” Y/N yelled into their cupped hands; they still couldn’t hear them.

Levi started to run to help them, only to be held back, y/n telling him there isn’t enough time.

Levi protested only for Y/n starting to push him back down to between the houses.

Suddenly, Y/n gave him a hard push on his back making him lad down on the ground. Looking back up to his love, their leg of in a now, missing part of the roof.

Levi quickly shot back up to help them out, grabbing their hands pulling as hard as he could.

“Levi… LEVI! Please take cover, you’ll die.”

“I’m not leaving you behind… not again.”

Levi had left Y/n in charge of his squad as he joined Erwin in the 57th Expansion. Nearly dying because of the Female Titan and protecting Eren.

Y/n pulled their arm away from him, giving him one final hard push in the chest right before the rock came pass them.

“I love you” they whispered.

As Levi flew back to the ground, he held eye contact with them all of his memories going through his head, knowing that this was the last time he would see of them, forever.

As for y/n, all their memories flew through them.

Late nights with Hanjie, mornings drinking tea with Erwin and Levi.

Levi… the night of their wedding, cake, slow dancing together, then stargazing. Oh, what they’d give to do that one more time with him.

Then they were gone.

Days later, everyone was concerned about the Captain. They could hear his cries and sobs when they’d pass his room. If you’d knocked, his cries would stop, and he’d stay silent till he watched your feet leave.

Every time Hanjie would open his door to bring breakfast or dinner, they could see the hopefulness in his eyes only for them to fall. Not like he ate till he was starving and knew he had too.

Years later, as Levi slept at night, he could still hear the whisper and cries of his love. That’s all he could hear ever, yet now he hid it well.

The nights he couldn’t sleep he’d walk through the halls of the fallen soldiers. In the middle of all the paintings, was Erwin. A gold frame shining in the moon light. Next to him was y/n.

They also had a golden frame and at the top were their favorite floor in their favorite color. Whomever painted it, Levi thought they did an amazing job.

The captured the brightness of their eyes, their gloss on their hair and the perfection on their hands.

Levi sat on his knees, lightly placing his hand on theirs. Wishing he could feel them just one more time.

BONUS:

“I bet you’re not popular with the ladies…” Zeke sighed.

Levi looked down thinking about y/n for the first time since the battle. “I was popular enough…”

Armin Arlert (When Will I See You Again)

Most people admired Y/n relationship with Armin, never put a title on side thing but the two and others knew they loved each other.

And when y/n died… well it was hard on everyone.

Since Armin inherited the Colossal Titian he saw and heard y/n die with his own eyes or really with Bertholdt eyes.

They stood by Armin till the very end or what they thought was the end.

The two stood in front of the giant titan, directing him. The plan… they knew they were going to die but it was with Armin and that’s all y/n would ever want.

Bertholdt let out the burning steam, burning them alive. y/n’s eyes looked at Armin, they screamed and cried till nothing… black.

Armin on the other head was giving the Titan Serum, eating Bertholdt and becoming the monsters he hated.

From the second he woke from the shift, all he could thing of was Y/n.

Where are they?

Are they okay?

Then and dare he say naturally, the memories caved in.

Seeing through his predecessor’s eyes, he remembered his love burn to death. Hearing their caries and he saw them always looking at him.

He cried and blamed himself for their death, y/n thought they were dying together but Eren couldn’t let him live in peace.

“they died thinking they were with me.” He whispered.

He always tired to keep his resentment in around Eren and Mikasa, but everyone could here him scream in pain in the forest next to the HQ.

He used Bertholdt’s memories to see them together all the time, Sasha and Mikasa would become worried he wasn’t grieving well but soon like screams every night stop.

Instead, it was quite crying at night, which wasn’t any better for anyone.

Then they left to find the Sea, one thing that could make Armin come to peace with himself.

Reaching the ocean everyone would play and have fun their but looking down in the water, Armin could’ve sworn he saw his love looking back at him but alas he lost the sight as fast as he saw it.

He knew Y/n would and still is by his side everyday till death brought them back to each other.

Erwin Smith (My Kind of Woman)

Everyone knew Erwin as a very stoic man, a calm gentle giant but with a heart and will of Iron.

And that was true, but that was after someone not one would talk about.

Their name is Y/n, Erwin Smith’s great love.

In 845, the Survey Corps returned from an expiation, but most do not know what happened.

“Four abnormals on the right wing!” some one shouted

Erwin looked at y/n who was smiling but still looking out for themselves and others. They looked over at Erwin and smiled even wilder.

Ever since training, Y/n saw bright side of things. It was their idea to recruit the Underground rebels.

In all most a flash of lighting, rain pored down soldiers dying all around.

10 abnormals flailing around, killing and eating people.

Erwin stared behind him, watching his comrades die under his orders. Then he locked eyes with y/n as they jumped off their horse as a Titan waved its arm at her.

“Erwin!”

Y/n yelled hoping he would turn and help them, and he did, yet despite the connection they had…

It was too late, they were harshly picked and swished, screams reaching everyone’s ears. Held above the Titan’s mouth their blood poured into then as the life quickly left their eyes they were dropped into its mouth.

If it wasn’t for Levi, Erwin would’ve been died too.

Ever second since then he blamed himself, knowing if he was just a little faster.

He paid someone to make a painting of her for his office, they were his right-hand person, but others knew it was more than that.

He would cry as quite as he could for years till it was small smiles or few tears while in his office or drinking tea with Levi or Hanji.

They both learned not to question it as it was a normal thing for the man after five years.

The new recruits would ask about the painting of a random person in his office, he would say someone special.

Yet it’s been years he would still become choked up that night.

Mikasa Ackerman (i wanna be your girlfriend)

Mikasa and Y/n met in training, two people how just sat not needing to say anything to enjoy each other’s company.

Eating dinner, they’d just sit and watch everyone else bicker and talk, nothing needed to be said. Despite being Sasha’s sibling, the older one seem to get all the personality then again there was nothing wrong with the way they were.

Although being close to death of a many of times, they lived and slightly loved Mikasa and watched her grow into a beautiful women she was.

Over the years, y/n become more vocal not wanting to miss out on the moments they had left with everyone. They and Jean would bicker and laugh about dumb things, Connie and they would just sitting and reminisce on old times.

Then Sasha met Nicolo and well y/n had never more vocal about anything before.

“Oooooh the cook, he’s perfect for you.”

y/n would tease Sasha along with Jean and Connie, although Nicolo didn’t seem to mind, Sasha would turn redder than a beet!

Then the war came, Y/n didn’t leave Mikasa side unless it was to save their ether extremely brave or stupid sister.

As y/n and Mikasa run to Eren’s ad after killing the War Hammer Titan, Mikasa yells at Eren.

Y/n watches the two argue, as the War Hammer Titan stands tall and definitely not dead.

Y/n watches as it starts to shoot a crystal goop at them, Y/n wipps around slamming themselves into Mikasa, holding onto her and they both flay away from the now hardened crystal.

“thank you, y/n.”

Y/n only nodded, looking back at the crystal. Again, they themselves in danger for Mikasa but they knew if it came down to it, they would die for their family.

After the battle, everyone was on the air ship, Mikasa had left y/n with Jean, Connie and Sasha. They talked happy to see each other alive.

“You guys are really special to me.”

Next thing anyone knew, both Jean and Y/n heard rumbling from the entrance. Turning around they saw a little girl with a rifle.

y/n quickly realized she was aiming for everyone of the ship, mainly their sister. Running in front of the fire, trying to do the same thing they once saw Hanjie do years ago still the girl shot.

The bullet went straight threw y/n’s stomach; push through the pain they grabbed the gun from the girl. They butted it into the little girl’s head, knocking her out.

The adrenaline wore off, y/n put their hand on their stomach. Their hand covered in blood, they turned around to see their sister on the floor surrounded by their friends.

“Guys…” they dropped the rifle on the floor.

The word came out their mouth, everyone with tears in their eyes slowly turned to look at them.

Jean watched as the blood dripped from their suit on to the light brown flooring.

Y/n began to walk to them, waddling side to side.

Mikasa entered the room watching Y/n fall over into what was now a pool of blood. She quickly ran over, flipping them over sobbing.

Jean quickly applied pressure into the wound, but it was too late. Y/n looked up at Mikasa, their bloodied hand lightly touching her face.

Mikasa sat head on her knees, in between both Blouse graves. She could still here the raspy breaths, the yells of Jean telling them to stay awake and the laugh Eren let out seeing the dead bodies.

She’d cry at nights realizing she loved them more than a friend, she felt like a piece of her was now gone.

During dinners Mikasa would push her food around till she couldn’t sit and not laugh or sob. Armin had become worried of her, but he knew she just needed time.

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shotofire · 4 years

Text

There’s Just Something About Him

•SHOTO TODOROKI x READER

•Overview: having feelings for the icy hot boy just seemed like a lost cause

•Warnings: just some cursing, meantions of anxiety.

•Season: 3

You’d always found the split haired boy attractive, but nothing ever went beyond that. It seems that even if you wanted it to nerves would just be in the way. Besides, everyone’s working to become pro-hero’s, who has time for a relationship? With all the shit going on you were almost positive that Todoroki didn’t have you in mind at all. The constant sneak attacks from villains, not knowing when the next person is going to get hurt, it was all too much.

Atleast that’s what you tried to convince yourself. The sweet, quiet boy who’d caught your eye since the first day of school just couldn’t possibly like you. He couldn’t possibly let a thought like that even make it halfway into his head. You’d lost hope a couple months into school, realizing fate definitely wasn’t on your side.

The two of you never got partnered up or even in the same group. It’s as if something is telling you it’s not meant to be. Sure you’d taken your own initiative and made conversation with the boy, but it’s always short lived. He wasn’t the best at talking unless he was on an adrenaline rush during a practice scenario. You had never gotten the luck of him wanting to use your quirks together either.

It truly felt hopeless.

You tried your best not to dwell on these things. If it was meant to be it just would’ve happened by now. Right?

The thoughts left your mind as you walked with your fellow classmates. Today is an exciting day, it was time to move into the new dorms. It took way too much convincing with your family, but eventually they caved in. You knew it’d be hard, they’re just worried about you. At this point the whole world was worried about all of the UA students safety. But everyone can agree that dorms are the safest it can get with all of the new high tech security.

You all stopped, admiring the new tall building in front of you. Knowing Todoroki was going to be in the same building as you every night had your anxiety on edge. But you were also... excited? For what, you had no idea. It was just a swirl of emotions.

Oh no, he’s gonna see my puffy morning eyes.

The happy chatter was cut short when Mr. Aizawa started talking about hero licenses, something that seemed to slip everyone’s minds. He was rather intimidating, eyes stern and serious. It sent a wave of uneasiness throughout the group. He knew the whole class was aware of the plan to save Bakugou, and he wasn’t happy. You stare at him with legs beginning to tremble.

His words cut deep as he threatened the possibility of expelling the entire class. You definitely wouldn’t put it past him, he seems like the type. But, as he said, due to All Might’s retirement the need for hero’s was strong. He couldn’t just get rid of such potential.

You looked at Todoroki’s face and it was frozen, he seemed more worried than anyone else. His heterochromia eyes stayed fixed on Mr. Aizawa, and you couldn’t help but let yourself take in his features. Sure you see the boy almost everyday but it’s hard to get good long looks when you’re sitting in class, he’d easily feel your gaze. There’s already been a couple times where he’s caught you and the embarrassment was too much to handle again.

His jaw was cleanched and sharp as ever. You just loved it. You wondered if it was weird to think about running your slim fingers along the bone of his jaw, it was just so beautiful.

“(y/n), are you even listening to me? Or are you just going to stare at Todoroki?”

In that moment it felt like you were going to throw up. All eyes shot to you, including Todoroki. Mr. Aizawa was a real ass sometimes but this definitely was the worst thing hes ever done to you, and he’d made you fall on your face after taking away your quirk infront of the whole class. That was absolutely nothing compared to this.

“I- uh, I-I wasn’t, I just-“ you were totally at loss for words. You’d never been more embarrassed in your life. The heat on your face was hotter than ever, and you knew it was visible as well.

Mr. Aizawa rolled his eyes, no longer caring about the predicament, “Anyways, that’s all. Look alive, enjoy your new home.”

That statement didn’t help anyone’s nerves after his little intimidation speech, but you had it the worst. Your face was still red and you could feel your heartbeat in your ears. Today was not going the way you hoped, and you didn’t dare even peak at Todoroki. You couldn’t help but think he thought you were weird. A girl he barely talks to constantly staring at him, there’s no way he didn’t think that.

The speech about where the boys and girls were was given, including where everything else was. But you could hardly pay attention focus on anything, and you didn’t dare look up.

It was time to decorate your rooms and make it your own, and you couldn’t be more relieved. Finally away from that embarrassment, even though it was waiting for you on the other side of your closed door.

“damnit,” you cursed. No one was going to forget that and you knew it. And the girls were beyond nosey when it came to crushes, especially Ashido.

After a couple hours of getting things together there was a knock on your door. You immediately froze. It’s like you had forgotten where you were and what had happened for a little bit, but of course you were quickly brought back to reality.

“Who is it?” You asked.

“Its Uraraka, can I come in?”

Shes always the sweetest and you knew she wouldn’t bug you about anything. Especially after seeing the way you reacted. Uraraka always had her suspicions that you found Todoroki cute, your eyes practically lit up everytime he did something.

You granted her permission and continued to put your pillows neatly on the bed. She was in her pj’s but definitely seemed wide awake.

“Oh wow, your room is so cute (y/n)! Nothing compared to mine,” her smile was huge. You just adored her, she always brightened up your mood.

“Thank you so much Uraraka, you’ll have to show me your room later before that is confirmed,” you smiled back.

“Oh course! Actually, speaking of rooms, that’s what I came here for. The girls and I convinced the guys to show us their rooms and we kinda turned it into a little contest. Wanna join?”

Her request was extremely appealing. You immediately wondered what Todoroki’s room looked like, and now was your opportunity to see it. But the nerves were still there, and the embarrassment was even stronger. You just couldn’t face everyone right not, especially Todoroki’s. He probably didn’t want your creep self in there anyways.

“Thanks for asking Uraraka, but i’m very tired. I was just planning on finishing my room and crashing. But I still would like to see your room sometime tomorrow,” you said while trying to hold your smile. But she could see the said frown behind it, but she didn’t want to bother you any further. She could only imagine how she’d react and feel if Mr. Aizawa did that to her. She’d be completely horrified.

“You got it, see you tomorrow (y/n). Sleep well!”

She leaves, shutting the door behind her. Your smile quickly fades and your shoulders fall limp.

I really wish I could see his room, I bet it’s awesome.

In all honestly you figured Todoroki would be relieved you didn’t show. God, class tomorrow was going to be hell. You just knew it, there’s no way you’d be able to focus knowing the whole class knows you’re a freak who can’t keep your eyes off the icy hot boy.

You pushed your thoughts aside, ignoring them to the best of your ability. You attempted to sleep, but the constant stamper of footsteps above you and outside your door was keeping you from the world of dreams. The world where assholes like Mr. Aizawa didn’t completely humiliate you.

Just as sleep started to creep up on you, there was another knock on your door. It was soft, and you immediately knew it wasn’t Uraraka. You sat up in the darkness, reaching for your bedside lamp. It faintly lit the room with a yellow glow, and made a light buzzing noise. You were too tired to speak up and ask who it was, so you forced yourself out of bed.

Maybe it was Momo, she did say she was looking forward to seeing your room. You pushed your wild hair out of your face before opening the door. And when you saw who was standing there a sharp breath immediately got caught in your throat. You let out a light cough.

“Todoroki?” you asked confused. He was all alone, no one with him. The lights in the hallway were out, one could only assume the competition was over and everyone else had gone to bed. Yet here he is, standing before you.

“I wanted to talk to you,” he says as if it’s the most normal thing ever. You didn’t know what to say, he’d never even approached you first. But he can knock on your door late at night to talk to you?

You looked at him in disbelief. In that moment you realized how little you knew about this boy, and how odd this situation was.

“What time is it?” You asked, completely ignoring what he said. He huffed, he knew you’d be difficult. You two may not talk much but he’s good at observing. He knew you more than you’d think.

“Almost 12, not too late. Can I talk to you?” This time he asked, therefore making it harder to avoid.

“Uh, I-In here?” You asked.

You couldn’t help but think he was here to tell you to stop being a creep. He wasn’t interested in you and would really appreciate it if you could stop with the creepy stares.

“Anywhere is fine,” he answers.

At those words, you move aside. Widening the door so that he can come in. The smell of vanilla hit you in the face as he walked past, and his eyes immediately began to observe your room.

Todoroki is in my room... what the actual fuck is going on!?

His hand comes up to point at your wall, “Did you draw those?”

Your eyes dart to the colorful art pinned to your wall.

“Y-Yes.”

The constant stuttering was making you loose your mind. But when your anxiety is this high you can’t manage to think straight. Not even one word can come out without a struggle.

“I like them.”

You swallow, hard. He probably heard it. The room was so quiet without one of you talking, unbearably quiet. Without words the only sound was the faint buzzing of your lamp you’d turned on only a few minutes ago.

“Oh, uh, Thanks,” a blush began to creep onto your face. Your hand came up to cover your face as you looked down. You knew you looked odd in the moment, but it was better than him seeing how much he can effect you so easily.

Todoroki looked at you with sweet eyes, although you couldn’t see them due to your current state. He thought you looked cute right now, all bashful. That’s something he has always liked about you. Your cheeks got red so easily when you were embarrassed, nervous, flustered, even when you were tired.

He noticed these things because you interested him, you always had. You were way too cute and sweet to not catch his attention. He just truly sucked when it came to talking to girls. Especially pretty girls like you.

“I, um,” this time it was Todoroki at a loss for words. He had a plan before he came in, but now as he stood in your room it was much harder to think clearly.

You looked up at him, his hand was raking through his hair. He seemed almost... nervous.

Why the hell would he be nervous?

“I was uh wondering if you, uh, would like to,” he took a deep breath to clear his mind. He was stuttering too much and overthinking, it was just a simple question he was trying to get out.

He locked eyes with you, “Would you like to go grab some food after school tomorrow?”

Your mouth fell open, but you quickly covered it with your hand. There was no way, no damn way.

“You mean, j-just me and you?” You asked, making sure you were interpretating this correctly.

“Yeah, Yeah,” He nervously laughs, “Like a uh, date.”

Like a what now?

There was absolutely no way this was real, you had to be dreaming.

“is this a joke?” You ask, but you meant to only think it.

His eyes widen and he quickly began waving his hands, “W-What? No, of course not! I really want to go on a date with you, I think it’d be fun. Plus you’re super sweet and pre-“ he stops himself.

C’mon man, you’re gonna scare her off by being too forward.

“Yeah, i’d really like that Todoroki,” your smile was surpressed by your teeth sinking into your bottom lip. At this point you wanted to jump for joy, but you didn’t want to scare this chance away.

“Okay cool, so after school. Tomorrow, you and me,” his nervous laugh comes back, “on a date.”

You can’t help but giggle, you’d never seen Todoroki so nervous before. Not in this way at least. It was one of the cutest things you’d ever seen.

“You got me after school Todoroki,” you giggled again, “You and me on a date.”

And with that, the two of you said your goodbyes, which were a little awkward considering the two of you kept letting nervous laughter slip.

As soon at the door shut, you let out a happy squeal. It didn’t even bother you that he might of heard it, you really didn’t care. You were so overjoyed that nothing could kill your mood.

On the other side of the door Todoroki had the geekiest smile on his face. He walked to his room completely satisfied. He did it, he finally asked the girl he liked on a date.

“Hell yeah,” he whispered to himself.

This definitely was heading in the right direction.

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