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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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for queen mc, if satoru was out of the picture, would you fall in love with someone else? if so, what are the qualities would you like your partner to have? thanks! :>

Y/N: Most likely. I want someone dependable, sensitive to others, a good listener, responsible, and someone who understands how to love unconditionally. Am I too much of a hopeless romantic? [smiles] I’ve always dreamed of having a happy marriage with the man I love.

#mc thought she could describe Toji and no one would notice 😏

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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hi! may i ask, will you be deleting tumblr or will you still be active and not update? if you are deleting tumblr, i hope you stay healthy always!

Hi yeah I’m still going to be active in the sense that I’m still gonna use my account to like reading like and re-blog but as far as creating any Content no.I thought about just getting another account and getting rid of this one but I’ve had it for so long it just doesn’t feel right to get rid of it.

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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Here’s some backstory on my pain because this is literally like my only outlet. I don’t really have anyone to talk to in my day-to-day life. I’m not close with my family and it’s hard to talk to them because I’m grieving over my father‘s death and they’re all feeling the pain too but in different ways. I don’t really have many friends in real life the few friends I do have it feels like I’m just annoying and a burden and honestly I worry that they don’t really like me and that they only put up with me because technically I’m their manager and they’re just too afraid to tell me they really don’t like me so then I go home to no one. And I didn’t process my dad’s death very well when he passed I just kind of pushed it all to the side to plan the funeral and be there for everybody else and my mom even told me that I was a horrible person for not crying but now I just cry all the time whenever I’m alone and I am alone a lot. And I just feel empty I really don’t expect anyone to reply to this it’s just me getting my feelings out it’s kind of like me tricking myself into thinking that I’m actually talking to someone about my problems and trying to get help so yeah sorry for my word vomit and my rant

Anyone else not grieve properly when something happened and now after some time it’s really hitting you but now you feel like if you try to reach out and talk to people about your feelings and your grief you feel like it just seems your asking for attention because you didn’t ask for help when it happened…….

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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Anyone else not grieve properly when something happened and now after some time it’s really hitting you but now you feel like if you try to reach out and talk to people about your feelings and your grief you feel like it just seems your asking for attention because you didn’t ask for help when it happened…….

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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Hi everyone I’m sorry to say this but I will no longer be updating any work in progress. I personally just have not been good for a while mentally and I just want to let everyone to know who is asking for the tag last or for the new chapter that there’s just won’t be any. For anyone who does want to know how I would’ve ended home you can message I do have a layout for how I wanted it to end but I will not be writing the remaining chapters. Part of me wants to just delete the account but I’ve had this account since 2014 So it just doesn’t feel right but I will be going in active.

Again I am very very sorry

Sincerely, Marie.

#bye guys it’s been fun

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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I kinda just feel like what even is the point. I just feel done.

#just what I end up thinking every night.

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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Everyone check out my bestie!!! Amazing job hun you deserve all the recognition you are amazing!!!!

𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐘𝐍'𝐒 1𝐊 𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋

— in honor of reaching 1k (thanks so much for that whores) i’m going to be doing my first ever follower event! idk how these things typically go, but thanks so my bestie @cuddlesslut i have a bit of an idea!

— i will have a list of rules posted below for the event, but other than that, please feel free to send me an ask with one of the following prompts and any characters that are in my master lists (yes, for all four fandoms i write for)

— once again, thank you all for following my blog, even though i post on this as much as i take care of myself - which is practically never. i really appreciate all the messages you leave in my comments, it really encourages me and motivates me to continue writing (i’ve just been a bit busy with work lately) but thank you all and i love each an everyone of you a lot <3

Keep reading

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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So excited to read this when I get off work!!! 😩🥰💕💕🥳

if fate permits

⤷ chapter twenty six: spotlight

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It was no surprise to people who always saw Atsumu that his eyes were constantly filled with a glitter that just managed to shine regardless of whether it was day or night. Volleyball, volleyball, and volleyball - perhaps, if you take time to ask these people what they think is the reason for that glitter, that would be their only answer. To those who truly knew him though, their answer might just be a tad bit different. Sakusa YN - from the moment he met you up to the present, a certain gleam seems to appear whenever you are the center of the topic. At least, that’s what Osamu has observed.

Kiyoomi concluded it’s just him unconsciously being a hopeless romantic for you. The grey haired lad remembers him saying it was pathetic, as always. But then again, he couldn’t deny the truth behind your brother’s words.

That said, he also knows that no one would have expected the same set of bright eyes to dull its sparkle. Unfortunately for the two of them (or three if you count Kiyoomi based on how often he visits the two of them now), you managed to take it away from him. There in the couch where you once sat during movie nights laid Atsumu, staring at the endless nothing, tears occasionally welling up his eyes as he remembers you, the way you looked at him as strangers do - empty, loveless, cautious.

It was karma. No matter how many times he tries to repeat it himself, it just doesn’t ease the thorns that prick his heart every millisecond that passes and every time, he just feels so sorry because he knows you felt the same pain before. How have you managed to get through it for more than twenty years? He has no idea because he sure as hell won’t be able to last one more day with it. Still, he can’t do anything but sit, mull over his self-sabotaged fate.

As he drowns himself deeper into his misery, a series of vigorous knocks disturb the twins’ “peace.” Osamu furrows his eyebrows together, a sense of oddness and urgency coming to him because Kiyoomi doesn’t knock that way - even when it comes to announcing his presence, your brother tries to be as prim and respectful as possible, knocking only thrice before waiting for the door to be opened, another three when he thinks no one heard him from the inside. Hence why the continuous knocks annoyed the grey haired.

Still, he begrudgingly sauntered towards the door and opened it, mouth ready to scold the person in front of him but he got beaten to it, “Where’s Atsumu?”

In her usual get up, Yui stood, a very much obvious fake smile plastered on her face and Osamu wanted nothing but to grab her hair and drag her to the deepest parts of hell for making you suffer (no one gets to do that except for him, he’s the only one who has the ‘drinking buddy and best friend’ privilege’).

Mentally, he took a deep breath before mustering the most sincere smile he can give her (it’s strained and forced, he knows it deep down), “Hello, Yui-san. I don’t think today’s the best day to-”

Before he could finish his sentence, Yui shoved past him and walked inside the house, acting as if she owned it. Osamu watched her trudge her way towards the living room in disbelief, fists clenching so hard it was painful already. Oh dear lord, please… just for today, let me strangle this woman… I’m willing to spend the rest of my life in jail if it means I get to do that for YN.

“Atsumu-kun!” She squeals upon seeing the blonde, ungracefully throwing her whole body to him, much to his shock (and annoyance).

“Y-Yui? What the fuck?” He shoves her away from him and backs up, creating a space which makes Osamu cheer quietly and form a devilish smile. Obviously not expecting the unappreciated response to her actions, she huffs, “You didn’t have to push me that hard, jerk Atsumu! That hurt me!”

“Yui-san…” Atsumu sighed exasperatedly, “I’m not in the mood, okay? Just… just leave, please?”

Yui’s smile disappears from her face and soon, an angry expression replaces it, “You’re such an ungrateful asshole, Miya. I’m busy and here I am, making time for you and you’re telling me to leave? Me?! THE Yui you wanted so much before? How dare y-”

“I didn’t ask you to come here, didn’t I? Just fucking read the room, Yui. I don’t like you here, not right now, not ever. I’m sorry but whatever I thought before, I was wrong. So just fucking leave,” he spat, patience running dry because all he wanted was sulk his life away in the couch.

As if finally being enlightened by the current situation, Yui begins to laugh, “Oh. my. god. Did she finally tell you? Wait… did she actually cut your thread? That’s why you look so miserable right now?”

Atsumu stands up from the couch, disbelief all over his face, “You knew?!”

The girl continues to holler her ugly laugh, “Ah, so hilarious! Of fucking course, Atsumu! One look at her pathetic face and I knew. Hell, I didn’t even need a Moira to figure it out. It was so fun, acting all sweet with the clueless you… and there she is, on the verge of tears every time!”

She wipes the fake tears away from her eyes, “But I guess she got tired too. I mean… you’re just so dumb, Atsumu. So hopeless and so easy to play with,” her fingers trace his jawline, rolling her eyes and snickering when he slapped it away from him.

“Now that I think about it again, you two shouldn’t have played Cinderella. You fit more into the criteria of Sleeping Beauty… you’re like Aurora, was it? But like, without the cure of a kiss because you ruined your true love! That’s my curse for you!”

The blonde grits his teeth, tears uncontrollably falling down his cheeks despite his desperation to stop them. Yui sees it and lets out a fake coo, “Aww, look at you, crying. You must be feeling so guilty, huh? It’s okay, I’m here… I can be the princess you’ve always wanted. You just have to behave like the foolish little prince you are.”

Osamu curses, taking a step forward to drag the girl out of their home but a voice stops him from doing so, “Is it fun? Playing with people’s fates like toys?”

Yui and Atsumu whip their head towards the source of the voice and Osamu is filled with relief upon seeing your brother standing, an unamused look on his face. Clearly liking the attention she was getting, Yui replies, “Ooh, what are you all? Avengers for YN? Protection squad or something? But to answer your question, yes! I’m enjoying it very much… but that doesn’t concern you, does it, Sakusa-kun?”

Kiyoomi paused for a second, removing his shoes and leaving them by the door, walking nearer the two, not too close but just enough to show her his height and intimidate her somehow, “You’re right, it doesn’t. If anything, I’m glad it’s all over now so my sister doesn’t have to suffer in between your acts of foolishness. But for some reason,” he trails off, looking down at her and throwing a look of disgust, “I pity you - because your fate is just as fucked up as theirs - your soulmate doesn’t remember you too and looking at you right now, something is telling me that you regret it too… because you have no one left. No Iwaizumi, no Atsumu.”

Judging by the way she glared at him, Kiyoomi feels a sense of accomplishment for hitting right on the nail.

“You-!”

“How unfortunate, Yui-san… the spotlight is not on you anymore.”

Silence filled the house right after Yui rapidly walked out of the house, a string of curses for your brother flowing out of her mouth. But Kiyoomi couldn’t care any less; instead, he turns to Atsumu who was already looking at him in awe before snapping off his thoughts and mumbling, “Omi… uhm… thank you.”

“I didn’t do it for you,” is the only thing he replies, “I won’t do anything for you...”

Atsumu swallows harshly, the bitter truth making it hard for him to do so, “Right.”

“... at least not anymore after this one,” he finishes, handing the blonde some neatly folded documents. Osamu smiles from where he stood, side-leaning against the doorway leading to the kitchen, as if he already had an idea what the papers were for. His twin’s eyes scan them and as if by a miracle, a familiar glitter appears in them, accompanied by a hopeful expression as he lifts his head and looks at your brother.

“Omi, this…”

“Be ready in three months. I hope you’re not scared of riding planes.”

note. i'm so sorry for the very very long gap between these updates T_T i swear i'll try to update more frequently now, at least school's being less of an ass these days (don't say sike pls)

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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Ahh I’m so happy I got to read this update!! It’s been a rough week! Loved this it made me so happy to read!! Love you!!

Break your heart worse - shine

Masterlist - Previous - Next

A/N: This took SO long, I am so sorry. Also many people I used to tag seem to have vanished/changed UN’s. If you still want to be tagged, please let me know with your updated user!

Taglist: @haikyuufairy @newfriendjen @lvoejimin @moonlightaangel @gyozaaaaa @byun-nies @thevillagehiddenintheinternet @graykageyama @yourstarvic @chibishae34 @haikyuusimp91 @volleybloop @rajablast @idiot-juice-enthusiast @melonmayhere @cuddlesslut @memes-and-money @coconut-dreamz @elianetsantana @tsumume @tsukkismamagucci @the-golden-jhope @camcam1617 @elephantloser @dreamstormings @anejuuuuoy @boosyboo9206 @anngelllla @ntimacy @bloody-bella @aquariarose @fantasycantasy @a-little-pebbl @fuschiguro @poppi144 @hikarichannn @hawkthekinnie @smolaf-filipino @peterspizzashirt @galagcica @kazookid-monoma @420-uwu @bakugouswh0r3 @lilith412426 @momoinot @vintagexparker @inu-makki @criesinpisces

To be removed or added please send me a message or ask ~

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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Sooooo. Sorry I haven't been very active I promise to write and post and look in my inbox Soon buuuut real quick! Everyone look at my new Tattoo!!! Isn't he Beautiful!!!!!

I'm obsessed with how amazing he came out!!!!

#haikyuu!!#tooru oikawa #oikawa tooru #hoes for seijoh #seijoh #aoba jōsai #oikawa tattoo #anime tattoos

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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PLEASE RISE FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM . . .

you know why these bitches love me? [why?]

cause Deku don't give a fuck. [what you do?]

i be fixin' her weave while she suckin' my dick, pull it out, then i tittyfuck. (uh, uh)

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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“DELETE CONTACT”

a little akaashi angst drabble

this is me taking something that happened to me, exaggerating it a little and then making it something post-able lol

you looked down at your phone in disbelief. akaashi keiji, who was at one point in your life your closest friend, had blocked you on all social medias. you couldn’t even remember the last time you spoke to him. why now? was he finally taking his last step to push you out of his life completely? in the end, were you that meaningless to him?

you loved him more than you knew. you even worked up the courage to tell him in your last year of high school. but he didn’t feel the same. all he saw you as was a friend, maybe even less after your confession. he was kind, so he let you down gently, telling you he wasn’t ready for a relationship.

except, two days later, he suddenly was, gushing to you about his new lover in class. seeing them walk down the halls together killed you. you distanced yourself a little in an effort to heal. it hurt, but you moved on. your friendship with him rekindled.

after you graduated the two of you kept minimal contact, having the occasional conversation over text. you grew apart slowly, memories the only thing holding together the threads of your relationship.

so now, as you sat with your phone in hand, your thumb hovered over the “delete contact” button, pondering over the decision. were you really ready to let go of him? pressing the button, you told yourself you’d have to, because he’s already let go of you.

taglist (open): @readywhorenot @ilhvm

do not repost! reblogs are always appreciated ♡

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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taking notes

oikawa tooru x gn!reader.

wc: 1.2k; fluff to angst.

Oikawa Tooru was known for a lot of things. He was the star and captain of your university’s volleyball team, a renown partier, a pretty boy, and a ladies man.

He was known for a lot of things, but that wasn’t who he was. Or more specifically, that wasn’t who he was to you.

Keep reading

#ahhh my heart 😭#oikawa babes obviously your unhappy in your relationship #this was basically a date #you cant just say that #ahhh

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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until it wasn’t

miya osamu x f!reader.

wc: 0.9k; fluff to angst.

Loving you was easy.

For Miya Osamu, loving you was involuntary, instinctual, a matter of fact.

-

Your first date with Osamu was easy. Hectic, but easy.

He had everything planned out- first a movie, then dinner, then a stroll through the park. It wasn’t terribly creative, but he figured it was safe.

As you two were driving to the theater, he received a text from one of his employees.

‘Need you at the store, ASAP.’

With his phone hooked up to the car system, you couldn’t help but read the message as it popped up on the center display.

You assured him you were fine with a detour, and with an illegal u-turn, you two were on your way to Cafe Miya.

The car rolled to a stop as it neared the front of the store. There was a line out the door, and a crowd inside the building, no doubt far surpassing the maximum occupancy limit.

You watched in awe as Osamu sprung into action, taking charge and delegating tasks. A boss, in every sense of the word. Without being asked, you picked up an apron and began taking orders.

For the rest of the night, you two worked in tandem. You moved around each other as if you two performed this unpracticed dance thousands of times before. It was easy.

Keep reading

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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What Could Never Be Pt 2 —

��pairing; Atsumu x f!reader (ft Bokuto)

Warnings; sad shit, horrible writing (I feel like I botched this) kagehina mention, cheating, alcohol mention, reversed unrequited love. !! UNEDITED!!

Summary; honorable mention goes to @multi-fandom-fanfic for giving me this idea in the comment section of the first part it’s not exactly years later but it’s still some time later

Word count | 1.5k |

“What does she have that I don’t” the amount of times that, that sentence had played over in my head was starting to exhaust me. Remembering the desperation in my voice caused my nose to scrunch up in a cringe until I shook the thoughts out of my head. Walking away from bokuto that night had been the second hardest thing I’d ever had to do in my life so far.

Weeks and weeks later I’d still had the ache in my chest the tears still welled up in my eyes whenever I thought about him with her, but these tears never fell. I hadn’t fully cried over him in weeks and I patted myself on the back for that. I could feel myself starting to move on. To forget.

I still cheered for the MSBY Black Jackals, but I had started online college to get my fashion degree. I’d always had a dream to work for a big corporation like vogue. Things in my life were finally starting to look up, and Miya Atsumu had taken the place that bokuto had left open that night.

He was my support system. Coddling me when he could in the weeks following bokutos wedding. I was unaware of his feelings. Oblivious at first. Until I started to notice the lingering touches he left, and although I was worried about hurting him, it excited me.

— — —

Two years had passed since the night I realized I would never feel my best friends embrace they way I craved. Two years, and now I craved a different persons embrace. The person I’d been dating for a year now, and in the second year of the two years I’d spent healing I’d slowly started mending my friendship with Bokuto. Of course I’d spoken to atsumu about it, and he’d shared his concerns but I was serious about the blonde man who’d unexpectedly stolen my heart.

I had been so caught up in Miya Atsumu it was like highschool all over again. He made me feel alive, and I grounded him when he felt like he was drifting away. The separation from his twin took a harder toll on him than he ever would have realized. So being the loving girlfriend I was I’d organized a night out with the Jackals; Kotaro and koyuki, Kiyoomi, Hinata and kageyama me and Atsumu, and Osamu and his girlfriend. It would be the first time we would all be together since the wedding.

I was nervous and this night would be the start of something out of anyone’s control. It started off normal Osamu and Atsumu hugging and exchanging pleasantries before they would start bickering and trying to compete over something stupid during dinner.

Shy kageyama who had been so stiff at the wedding seemed to be in his element with his arm draped over hinata’s shoulders while he whispered in his ear. The ginger smiling lovingly at his fiancé and it got me thinking about marrying Atsumu. It sparked a tsunami of feeling throughout my body and I found myself smiling to myself before, Cadence —osamu’s stunning girlfriend from the states— bumped my shoulder with hers and smirked at me.

“I’m glad you came up with this idea. Samu was starting to get all pissy about not being able to see his brother.” I smiled sheepishly and blushed as I shook my hand, “it was nothing tsumu was getting the same way and I really wanted to meet you so it was a win win.” She smiled and I caught bokuto looking at me from across the table. The chair next to him empty.

I smiled and leaned across the table, “hey bo! Where’s the missus?” His smile faltered slightly and if I wasn’t so good at reading bokuto I would have missed it entirely but I didn’t, “oh she had to stay late in the office tonight so she couldn’t come.” I gave him a sympathetic smile and he shrugged before the waiter came to our table and I turned to Atsumu.

Later on in the night I had gotten pretty tipsy the champagne finally hitting me, and I smiled lazily at Atsumu, adoration in my eyes and he smirked, “s’the alcohol finally getting to you pretty girl?” He asked and I nodded before putting my forhead on his upper arm and sighing.

He moves to stand up taking a glass and a knife with him, and my eyes widen in horror over what he’s about to do. He clinks the knife on the glass a bit to carelessly and it breaks, “ah tsumu you moron what the hell are ya doin?” Osamu asks standing up abruptly to avoid the liquid as a waiter rushes over to clean up the mess.

Atsumu smiles and turns to the waiter and apologizes before looking over the table at our friends, “well I just wanted to toast to my amazing girlfriend who I would not have if it weren’t for that idiot right there,” I facepalm as he points at bokuto and bokuto winces slightly before looking at me pained and I mouth a sorry to him.

“So thank you buddy cause if you weren’t oblivious I would never have gotten such an amazing partner who loves me so much that she brought my annoying little brother out here to see me.” I hear Osamu groan and roll his eyes.

“you’re only three minutes older than me ya troll.” Atsumu smiles patronizingly at osamu, “shut yer trap samu your elder is talking.” Everyone laughs at that and he finally sits down before I hit his shoulder and smile at him slightly, “you’re and idiot tsum-tsum” he shrugs, “but I’m yer idiot right y/n?” And then he plants a big sloppy kiss on my cheek and I squeal in disgust.

The amount of happiness and joy coursing through my body had been missed. I was finally over the one person I thought I would need to live, and with the person I was destined for. I finally had what bokuto had. I couldn’t be happier.

After that night things between me and bokuto were tense for awhile. I brushed it off as he thought maybe I was still hung up on him. Oh how I couldn’t have been more wrong. I had no idea the anger and jealousy that was bubbling up under bokutos skin, and the most frustrating part of all of the bullshit that was going on, was he didn’t understand why he felt like this. He was happily married. I mean as happily married as one person could be right?

It only got worse though when two weeks later Miya fucking Atsumu was calling him asking for his help to propose to his best friend. He was annoyed and irritated and his wife was coming home at two in the morning smelling different than when she had left. It was not a happy time for him, but he obliged telling him about how the beach would be the most perfect place, and to make sure that he does it at night.

He also added in that he should create a pathway lit by fairy lights because I would simply die over it, and how I didn’t like diamonds so make sure it wasn’t a cliche ass diamond.

And that’s how I found myself on the beach my heart had completely broke on, a week later in front of the man I love as he kneeled with a gorgeous jeweled ring in a black velvet box in his hands.

“Will you y/n y/l/n make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?” The tears collecting in my eyes were the happiest tears I’d ever cried in my life as I knelt down and hugged him around his neck, “yes yes!! Yes! Of course I will tsumu”

We hadn’t seen bokuto in the distance watching us with tears in his eyes as he realized what he’d lost. As he wished he could go back in time and do it all over. Do things differently.

Maybe he would have let you keep his jacket on in that storage supply closet. Maybe he should have asked you to get boba instead of koyuki, maybe he should have realized sooner he was projecting onto koyuki because he was scared to love his best friend the way he knew you loved him.

So as he stared at the RSVP card in his hands with yours and Atsumu’s names on it in fancy handwriting. He wonders if this is how you felt when you had gotten his card with koyuki, he wonders if you had felt as lost and hopeless, and torn between wanting you to be happy and also wanting you to be with him instead. So as he swallowed the same lump you had swallowed two almost three years ago he realized that this was some kind of sick karma.

He felt partially responsible for the mess that this had become. You and him were never meant to be.

Authors note—

I haven’t updated from now on cause I’ve had absolutely no motivation and i have ungodly writers block every time I try to write it plus I’ve been super stressed and it’s just been really hard to find motivation so it’ll be out soon just please be patient

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

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if fate permits

⤷ chapter twenty four: just one last time

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Was I such an evil person in my past life to deserve this agony?

The damned question circles your mind over and over again as you walk mindlessly, vision blurry due to the tears that were continuously welling up your eyes. You've always thought watching him fall in love with someone else was already painful enough, but even that couldn't prepare you for the wrenching feeling that your heart felt when you cut the thread, forced to cut him out of your life, figuratively and literally speaking. Now that you're experiencing it yourself, you think that's the reason why people like you were forced to forget— the feeling of your heart endlessly falling to the dark abyss was not something anyone could live with for the rest of their lives, wondering what was so wrong with you that he couldn't bring himself to love you even with a thread physically connecting the two of you.

Stupid gods, they can't even do one thing right. His words echo and you choke out what seems like a pathetic attempt for a laugh, lips wobbling as you cry, "I know right, Tsum. They're so stupid."

Soulmates are so stupid. Your eyes linger on your thread, barely red as it began to become duller each hour that passed and had uneven ends due to the cutting that happened just a while ago. The red string, once bright and glowing in color, that kept you close to Atsumu for so many years, gone in just a few seconds and it felt so unfair, so cruel. Because how could someone decide your fate just like that?

You just have to get through it tonight, YN. Tomorrow, when you wake up, you won't even know that kind of heartbreak. Tomorrow, you repeat to yourself, trying to lessen the gut wrenching feeling swimming inside you; keyword, tried. Still, it doesn't stop the liquids that gather in your eyes and the hiccups that escape your mouth. Because you just loved him so goddamn much that you were willing to give up everything of you just for him, just for his happiness... and yet, he couldn't do it for you, not even one bit of him. And with that, you find yourself drowning in self-pity— no matter how much you sacrificed, no matter how long you put him first, it all still ended with you cutting the thread, the thing you treasured the most. It just wasn't meant to be.

The ringing of your phone resonates through the quiet and unknown park you had stopped by, the picture of your brother popping up on the screen.

"YN. Where in the hell are you? It's already late! Your flight's tomorrow night. Mom's close to losing the last bits of her mind. Tell me whe—"

"'Yoomi," you sob like a child, the minimal strength that kept you standing up finally giving in to your overwhelming emotions as your legs gave out as well, falling on your butt as you clutched your chest in pain, "'Yoomi."

You tried to get words out but your heavy cries stopped you from doing so, only being able to speak out his name.

"YN? What happened? Hey... take a deep breath and tell me where you are, I'll come get you myself and then we can talk about it, yeah?"

The usual monotonous voice he spoke vanished into thin air and was replaced with one that were filled with worry and concern. From the background, you can hear him telling your parents to just stay still, despite their sound of disapprovals, accompanied by the jiggling of keys which you figure were for the car, "YN, tell me where you are. Please."

"I... I..." you hiccup, looking around you for any prominent signs or landmarks, "I'm in a random park and t-there's a convenience store across. The one that we first went to when we moved to Tokyo."

"Okay. Just stay right there. I'm coming."

Kiyoomi takes a deep breath, lightly knocking on your bedroom door, sighing in relief when you responded with a quiet 'come in,' voice muffled. It has been past an hour since you arrived home, your parents opting to leave you alone as soon as they saw your swollen eyes; although, your brother couldn't obviously just sit still and look pretty, not when you're feeling like this when you're leaving tomorrow. He pushes the door open, wincing at the mess that welcomed him— some of your clothes were still not packed, luggages were lying down on the floor and there you were, on the bed, face down and shoved to the pillow.

"Did a storm pass by?" He asks, trying to at least lighten the mood, sitting at the foot of the bed and beginning to fix your things for you. He knew better than to pry, especially when he already had a guess on who brought you in such a devastated state. Instead of replying, you hold your hand up, he can see it for himself anyway.

His usually-calm demeanor breaks as he saw your thread, now in a dark maroon color. He stood up so quick that he felt lightheaded, "YN!"

Your head turns to him, eyes watering once more as you sob, "'Yoomi... I feel dead. Like my heart was forcefully ripped out of my chest. I... I don't know what to do... I can't take this."

He approaches you, engulfing your form in a hug, whispering his comforts as he speaks a gazillion of curses to Atsumu in his mind. He swears he might just punch the blonde to death as soon as he sees him, "You'll be okay. We're here. You're gonna be fine."

"I... I don't want to forget him... Please don't take him away from me... I love him," you cry out to the gods above, praying so desperately even if you knew it was impossible. You were no one special, who were you to be graced with such a miracle? And yet here you were, weeping the same prayers over and over again, knowing deep inside that no matter how much you beg, even if you were already on your knees, tomorrow would still come— the tomorrow that has no Miya Atsumu in it.

At that moment, you wished you hadn't just befriended him, you wished you just left him alone when he was playing with your brother; because nothing could compare to the pain of losing all of him— your soulmate, your beloved, your best friend— in just a matter of seconds.

Kiyoomi finishes packing for you by the time you calmed down a bit and leaves you alone, speaking about you should rest for your flight. As if you could do that... the moment you close your eyes, it's really over because the next time you open them, it's going to be a new YN. Gone will be you who knew each and every part of him, replaced with someone who won't even be able to recognize him...

Yet despite your heart's refusal towards the truth, your mind contradicts it and thinks back to his previous words, "...it has been too long of waiting..."

With that, your resolve crumbles into pieces and you find your eyes fluttering close. Somehow, you give out a small and sad smile, heart aching because of him... just one last time.

I'm sorry for not keeping my promise, Atsumu.

note. no words just... tears up because the next one might just be sadder than this

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cuddlesslut · 3 years

Text

Depression is really hitting hard tonight. Idk It just all feels useless. Things that used to make me happy now feel dull. I'm constantly having troubling thoughts. Like what good am I. Like I get that I'm still young and I have Soo much to live for . But it just feels worthless. And I have my son but all I can think is how he deserves so much better than me. And it's just so overwhelming. Like no matter what I do it'll never be enough. I've been having so much trouble not relapsing. This is just me venting my emotions I don't have anyone irl. And I just needed to let this out.

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