How old's everyone by the time canon bleach rolls around?

Well that's an interesting question that I have devoted way too much thought to.

Most people in soul society age at the normal pace of one year per year, so they only have One Age, but even a tiny excess of spiritual energy can make some age much slower, and in Seireitei, which is full of Spiritually Potent People, most people have two ages- Calendar and Living Age. Calendar is how many years someone has existed, Living is approximately what developmental age they're at. Most Shinigami age at about one year for every 2-5 Lived, with average "died of natural causes and not in the line of duty" lifespans coming to 200-400 years. Power Level has a HEAVY Inverse correlation to aging, but once you hit the power levels associated with Seated officers and captains, things get Weird. Also fatal. Very few captains have died of Natural Causes.

But re: Everyone's ages in June 2000, when the series starts under the cut:

Karakura Gang:

The Kids are not dead yet, so not Subject to the extended lifepsans yet, but I did age everyone up a bit- Ichigo and his Human Friends are all Juniors in High school- age 17... ish.

Ichigo's 18th birthday occurs a couple weeks after he meets Rukia. He was held back from starting Kindergarten for a year because he was too short to reach the drinking fountains.

Chad was tall and his parents were both working full time so his mom persuaded his school to let him in early, so Chad only had his 17th birthday the month before he meets Rukia.

Kon: CA: 132 (9 years in his body) LA: 3, but in cat years, so really more like 22 in human years. An grad student in charge of a pack of teenagers.

Rukia: A Member of the Karakura Gang by association (i.e. my staging notes), Rukia is CA: 73 and LA: 20. She and Renji entered the academy when they were CA:25 and LA: 16. Like many high-powered shinigami, her rate of aging is slowing as she accumulates power, so she will likely live to see at least 500 (unless something happens)

Renji: See: Rukia. Rukia is eight months older than Renji and NEVER lets him forget it.

Kisuke Urahara: CA: 328 LA: 32.4545454545- Urahara is aging at one year for every 11 lived which pleases him because at least once a century his ages will line up and he'll have a straight shot of numbers and that's CLEARLY an excuse to have a MEGA birthday party and give him extra presents! He'll be 333 AND 33 in 2005, so Ichigo should start planning his surprise party!

Yoruichi Shihoin: CA: 329 LA: 28 Yoruichi is 365 days older than Kisuke (He was born in 1672) a leap year) and NEVER lets him forget it.

Isshin Shiba: CA: UUUH- LA: UUUUUUUH- Isshin Shiba was born to the Shiba Clan in 1846, was 154 when he vanished in 1980, appears to be in his mid-forties now, and can only actually REMEMBER the last 20 years of his life with any Clarity. The battle with White left his soul so damaged that when he fused with Masaki, he lost all his spiritual powers and forgot damn near everything- he remembers his given name, the name and face of Kaien Shiba but not how he knows him, that shinigami and hollows exist... but when he overheard Ryuken Ishida lying to the hospital staff that this was his friend from medical school who had been in a terrible car accident, he believed him, and assumed he WAS a doctor that had been in a terrible accident. Masaki was just as frightened of the Shinigami coming after the Quincy. While she could keep her relatives at bay, she couldn't fool the shinigami, so she asked the others to make sure Isshin never tried to return to spirit world... and they went along with it. As far as Isshin knows, Urahara was a guy he worked for as a teenager who helped him set up shop as a doctor after the accident. Yoruichi really is someone he used to be on the intramural volleyball team with back in college. Shinji is some guy who knew his parents, and decided to stay a friend of the family even after after they died in the accident. He and Masaki were married in a beautiful ceremony some weeks ago... Shame they lost all the pictures... Ichigo's promotion to Substitute Shinigami and the confrontation about "You used to be a CAPTAIN?? Why didn't you warn me and the twins about anything???" is one HELL of a shock for him.

Soul Society:

Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto: CA: 2,146 LA: 75 He was enjoying a Long Prime Middle Age until his Divorce in 1196, at which point he went bald, went gray and lost a significant amount of his muscle mass in under a decade, and has looked like an Old Man since.

Chojiro Sasakibe: CA: 1,358 LA: 66 (debated). Chojiro was barely 100 years old when he turned up at Yamamoto's Post Officer Self-Defense Dojo and refused to leave. His Lived Age is a secret known only to Unohana- the debate rages because Sasakibe was born with his Silver Fox hair, and with that removed, shows very little signs of aging. He insists he "-Just keep myself very well." and refuses to elaborate. He has a standing agreement with the SWA that his LA over various years may be revealed after he dies, so they may let people lay bets, on the condition that they give him a percentage when laid to support his Black Tea Habit.

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Soi Fon: CA: 201 LA: 29 Soi Fon has genetically terrific skin and if her mother is any indication, she'll look like a twentysomething until she hits menopause. THEN she'll look like a Silver Fox.

Marechiyo Omaeda: CA: 102 LA: 24 Omaeda has only been Lieutenant for 14 years, taking over the position early after his father (the previous 2nd Division lieutenant) had an extremely unexpected stroke. He's recovering well, but doesn't want to return because he's so proud of Marechiyo.

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Ichimaru Gin: CA:DEBATABLE, but at least 357 LA: 21 Gin has several days that *could* count as his "Birthday" but he's existed in his current body for as long as Rangiku has known him.

Rojuro "Rose" Otoribashi: CA: 312 LA: 37 Rose was promoted to captain a bare 2 years ago when TBTP happens, and is considered Young for a captain. In terms of Living Age, he's one of the oldest Visored.

Izuru Kira: CA: 89 LA: 23 He was a bit older than Rukia and Renji in CA and LA when he entered the Academy. He could have entered sooner but he was the sole caregiver for both his parents, who died premature deaths of chronic illnesses.

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Retsu Unohana: CA: 804 LA: "As old as my tongue and a little older than my teeth." According to the official records, Retsu Unohana enrolled in Shin'o Academy in 1198, and when asked her age, said "I became as I am last year" Which the intake officer interpreted to mean that she died and appeared as an adult in Spirit World in 1197, and she has absolutely failed to correct that misconception. Or update the public records regarding her age.

Yachiru Unohana: CA 1,497 LA: 37 To her credit, Unohana DID die when she was 17 and appeared in the afterlife at the age she died at. Then she barely aged by the time Yamamoto recruited her in 998. She served as Kenpachi of the 11th Divisison for 199 years, until her battle with an as-yet-unnamed young man in 1197. Shortly after her 200th year as Kenpachi passed, she came to terms with the fact she was no longer the fighter she was, and fell in battle to her lieutenant. With that, "Yachiru" Unohana died, and the following day she enrolled in the academy under the name Retsu to study medicine.

Isane Koetetsu: CA: 282 LA: 28 Isane and her sister Kiyone are unusual for Shinigami in that the Koetesu clan has some of the slowest-aging shinigami in it, and the slowed aging STARTS as infants. Isane couldn't even enroll in Shin'o Academy until her 100th birthday, and even then she needed special dispensation to let what was functionally a 10-year old take college classes.

Hanataro Yamada: CA: 141 LA: 23 Hanataro is the younger brother of Former 4th div Lieutenant Seinosuke Yamada, who now runs the Seireitei Medical Center i.e. The Rich Bitch Hospital. Hanataro entered the academy at a very young age like Isane and graduated with honors, but people tend to compare him to his more accomplished older brother, which both of them think is Unfair seeing as Seinosuke is a whole 112 years older than him. Hanatarou started in the 4th division at the tender age of 42/14, and some of the other medics decided to prank the lieutenant's baby brother by sending him to do the initial medical checkup of newly-appointed 11th division captain Zaraki. When he failed to return for six hours, Seinosuke went into a panicked rage and ran to the 11th, ready to make Zaraki the shortest-serving captain ever if need be, only to discover Hanataro patiently vaccinating and enthusiastic Zaraki for EVERYTHING, a process that was taking a while because Zaraki's spiritual pressure kept breaking the needles. Hanataro has been the 11th Division Pocket Medic ever since, to the detriment of Seinosuke's blood pressure. Zaraki encouraged his interest in Toxicology by bringing him dozens of venomous snakes to milk while on field expeditions, also much to the detriment of Seinosuke's blood pressure.

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Sosuke Aizen: CA: 432 LA: 47 Aizen was born an identical twin, but was the only brother to inherit any spiritual powers. The boy's mother was caught and killed by an enraged shopkeep stealing food to feed a half-starving Sosuke when they were young children. The boys managed to get jobs in another city working at a candy store, and did so well that the owner left the store to them when he retired. Sosuke's marketing talents and Sosato's culinary skills made "My Brother's Candy" a wild success, and soon they were opening franchise stores, and became popular minor celebrities in their district. Sosuke even married and had children- and grand children, and was an active member of his district government and merchants council, personally opening up several schools and water treatment facilities. Then, shortly after he and Sosato celebrated their 88th birthday, tragedy struck. There was a massive flood that lead to a massive crop failure that lead to a massive disease outbreak, which lead to major political upheaval, which lead to Sosuke and his brother having to flee their home. Unfortunately, Sosato dearly loved his brother, and when the hail of arrows came down on them from the soldiers pursing the civilians, Sosato decided that he was near the end of his life anyway, while Sosuke- still functionally in his 20's- had so much to live for, and put himself between his brother and the onslaught. And so Sosuke Aizen went from Revered Councilor, Celebrated Candymaker, beloved Great-grandfather and Twin to an Exile and the sole survivor of his name. He joined the Shinigami, determined to make the Soul Society a better place where what happened to him would never happen again- only to discover that he was at the mercy of a corrupt and incompetent government, and worse, an apparently uncaring God. Until one night when he had a dream- all the pieces of his study of Kido came together and he realized there WAS a way to fix all this- He just had to become God. With that, Gin slithered away into the night and deep into the far districts, so he could assume a human form and forge an identity Aizen wouldn't question when they met back up again.

Shinji Hirako: CA: 412 LA: 31 Shinji genuinely thought he could get away with impersonating a high schooler to spy on Ichigo- after all, he still looked like he was what, 22? With the right clothes and some recent slang- "Why is there some creepy old guy wearing the school uniform?" Ichigo asks his friends the second he sees Shinji. "He looks like some kind of weird hipster who's trying to relive his youth." Sighs Mizurio. "-Or a really deluded pervert who thinks he can sneak into the locker room." says Tatsuki, cracking her knuckles. "He doesn't look THAT old-" Keigo protests, and there is the briefest glimmer of hope for Shinji's Ego. "-Maybe he's some kind of super-senior who got held back a bunch because he's dumb as a brick." Shinji crumples to the ground, defeated by the direct hits to his insecurities.

Hinamori Momo: CA: 66 LA: 26 Momo has an extreme case of babyface but is secretly ripped under her uniform and well on her way to MILFdom from the waist down. The first time Hiyori sees her in shorts is a psychological and spiritual awakening.

Hiyori Sarugaki: CA: 126 LA: 20 Hiyori is the youngest Living Age and slowest-aging visored. She gets mad about her youthful appearance but also uses it to get children's discounts at theme parks.

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Byakuya Kuchiki: CA: 181 LA: 26 Byakuya was married quite young, and Widowed soon after. He's still in his prime, and exceptionally hale for a Kuchiki- Despite the exceptional spiritual power of the clan, the centuries of inbreeding have given them severe health issues and very short lifespans for their power. Byakuya's grandfather Ginrei only lived to 486, and his father Sojun died at 200 from Hemophillia. Byakuya is still working up the nerve to tell Rukia that she will likely outlive him by a considerable margin, and the fact that Rukia hasn't got a nibling to spoil was His medical problem, not Hisana's.

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Sajin Komamura: CA: 712 LA: 22 Komamura is somehow both Older AND Younger than everyone thinks he is, and that's not even getting into the "Wait, is that in human years or wolf years?" Debacle. When Yamamoto met Sajin for the first time in the 1400's he was extremely impressed with the giant warriors skill and courage, and before Sajin had a chance to greet him properly, asked the warrior to join his Academy. "I- I'm really old but I'm actually eight." came the voice of a small boy from behind the helmet and Yamamoto had to go stand with his face pressed into the wall for a minute.

Love Aikawa: CA:345 LA:33 Love Aikawa is one of the few shinigami who came into his spiritual powers so fast that he did NOT have a creer before becoming a Shinigami.

Tetsuzaemon Iba: CA: 154 LA: 30 Testsuzaemon was still a small boy when Komamura was appointed to the third seat of the first division, and got to know his mother Chikane Iba. Chikane worked extremely hard, but held Yamamoto in high regard, and Komamura in similar regard by extension. So now Tetsuzaemon is lieutenant to a man he still secretly thinks of as his "Favorite Babysitter".

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Shunsui Kyoraku: CA: 856 LA: 48 Shunsui was forced to join the academy before his 100th birthday by his noble family because they had not actually planned on actually having a third son survive to adulthood and didn't really know what to do with him. Both Shunsui and Ukitake are old enough to remember when Unohana was still Yachiru, and Shut The Fuck Up about that fact.

Nanao Ise: CA: 141 LA: 28 When she first arrives in Seireitei, Yachiru Kusajishi is LA Eight, and quickly makes friends with Nanao, who is the other little girl close to her age with spiritual powers: "You're my baby sister now, but you'll be my Big sister sooner than later." Yachiru explained. "What do you mean?" Nanao blinked at her. "You're what, Living Age Seven, right?" Yachiru asked, squinting at her. "Yeah, but I'm really Forty-One!" Nanao insisted. It bothered her when people refused to take her seriously because of her age. "Right. I'm like Living Age Eight, so I'm your big sister. But I'm actually Four hundred and six." "…What?" Nanao gaped. "but, but that means you must be aging at…" She frowned, trying to do long division in her head. "-I age about one year for every fifty lived, yeah." "You- oh god." Nanao realized. "You outlive everyone you know." "Not everyone! Ken-chan and I are both aging at the same pace." Yachiru explained, wobbling a bit as she walked the log over the creek. "I guess I'm lucky- there aren't that many of us who age this slow so most of us don't have anybody who's really a 'life-long' companion, and I might be only one with a parent that's got a similar lifespan!" She grinned. "I age at about one for five, so in- ...in less than ten years I'll be older than you." Nanao hummed with concern. "Yep! But until then, you have to do everything your Big Sister says!" Yachiru grinned.

Lisa Yadomaru: CA: 427 LA: 36 Even though they're not REMOTELY related, Lisa bonded very strongly to Nanao when she was Shunsui's lieutenant. This causes some dispute with Yachiru when she returns to Soul Society because according to yachiru, Nanao is her Little Big Sister, owing to the difference in CA, to therefore Lisa is her Big-Big Little Sister, and Lisa thinks she doesn't have to support Yachiru's Candy Habit.

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Kaname Tousen: Calendar age: 499 LA: 32 After the events of the Winter War, during which Kaname turned 500, Kaname disputes that he is only 350, because he spent the last 150 years under Aizen's Curse and "-You call that living?" Everyone (except Sajin) regularly forgets when Kaname's birthday is because he doesn't celebrate it- it was also his sister Kakiyo's birthday and he hasn't really felt like 'celebrating' since she was murdered, and Ichigo is the first person to REALLY understand his feelings on the matter, his own mother dyind so close to his birthday and how visiting her Memorial wasn't exactly a celebration, but it wasn't exactly mourning either.

Shuuhei Hisagi: CA:119 LA: 27 Renji entered the Academy the year Shuuhei was due to Graduate and still thinks of Shuuhei as his "Senpai". Shuuhei entered the academy the same year Rangiku was due to graduate, and still thinks of her as his "Senpai". Renji once called Rangiku his "Grand-Senpai" She and Shuuhei both beat him with shoes about it.

Kensei Muguruma: CA:469 LA: 29 Kensei supports Kaname's declaration that he's only 350 because finding out Kaname is older than him brings up all the insecurities Kensei developed from being the MUCH younger brother to five sisters, and he can't handle being "The Baby" again.

Mashiro Kuna: CA: 506 LA: 25 It took 47 rounds of Janken with Yachiru for Mashiro to finally be the first to get to three victories and declare herself The Biggest Sister. She also saw Kensei's meltdown about Kaname being older than him and is quietly holding onto the fact she's older than both of them until the moment it will cause her beloved captain the maximum amount of Psychological Damage.

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Rangiku Matsumoto: CA: 357 LA: 29 Rangiku measures her Calendar Age from the date she appeared in Soul Society at age 14, which is an accepted practice, but sometimes people want to add their years in the living world as well. Rangiku supports Kaname's claim to be 350 because they let HER knock 14 years off her CA for an even more arbitrary reason, and also it means she doesn't have to get him a belated 500th Birthday gift for another 150 years.

Toshiro Hitsugaya: CA: 60 LA: 12 Hitsugaya is FAR AND AWAY the youngest Shinigami to achieve a seated officer's position by any age, and this was 100% done as a political maneuver by Yamamoto. Hitsugaya is no Slouch- he graduated salutatorian of his class and is the youngest person ever to achieve Bankai, but Yamamoto slapped him into the lieutenant's position 20 years ago (Hitsugaya graduated within weeks of Isshin Shiba's Disappearance) SPECIFICALLY to put Rangiku between him and any unscrupulous noble houses looking to forcibly adopt him/marry him to a spare heir/straight-up kidnap Hitsugaya to prop up their failing genetic lines. One of the clans tried it anyway and the resulting smoking crater where the clan compound used to be put the fear of Haineko into everyone and has so far discouraged further attempts.

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Kenpachi Zaraki: CA: 1,477* LA: 42 Like Gin, Zaraki has several dates that could count as the start of his existence, but when asked how old he was at the first moon-viewing party he went to- "...How d'ya guys measure that?" Zaraki asked, studying Shunsui with his good eye in a way that made the hair on the back of his neck prickle. "Uh- well, for most people, it's when you were Born in Soul Society, but if you died and appeared here it's the day you first existed in Soul Society." he explained, feeling like he was missing an important dimension to the question. "Oh! In that case I'm- wait, shit. What day is it today?" "It's November 18th." Unohana smiled. "Ah, fuck! With all the chaos I forgot-!" Zaraki laughed. "Turned 1,377 last Monday." The assembled Shinigami all stared blanky, save for Unohana, who appeared to be trying to not laugh into her cup. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure I heard that correctly..?" Jushiro asked, entirely sure he had. "One Thousand Three Hundred Seventy-Seven." Zaraki repeated slowly, grin cracking across his face. "-Can't say I've done as good a job lookin' after myself as Sasakibe here though." "I- good heavens! The only person you're younger than is Yamamoto himself!" Aizen exclaimed, eyes wide behind his glasses. Zaraki frowned at that for a moment and then nodded. "...If you say so." Unohana made a small snuffling noise as she tried to not snort sake up her nose laughing. "How old are YOU, Mr. Glasses?" Yachiru asked. "Hm? Oh, I'm 332! And how old are y-" Aizen began to reply before he was interrupted by Yachiru jabbing her finger into the tip of his nose, cackling. "HAH! you're seventy- uh- seventy four years younger than me! You're a little baby man!" She clapped her hands with glee. "Unohana-sama? Are you alright?" Ukitake asked as the chief medic coughed suddenly. "I'm having a great time!" She wheezed, eyes watering from accidentally inhaling her drink.

Yachiru Kusajishi: CA: 506 LA: 10 Yachiru was Very Loved by her parents. Zaraki tells her this. When he found her, he found her in an otherwise abandoned house, with her parents, who had obviously died protecting her from the late-winter cold snap. She was still in her mother and father's arms when he came to investigate her cries. Her parents were wearing kimono that had the bottom third cut off, just above their knees, even though it was the middle of winter. She was wearing a double-layered baby Kimono made of the fabric they had cut off, to make sure she stayed warm. He took her into the nearest village, in hopes someone there could nurse her and tell him what her name was. She was lucky- there was a woman nursing her own daughter who agreed to take on her as well. But the Village elder hung his head in shame- he knew the couple the vagrant described- they lived far up the mountain, and only went by the name "Kusajishi", the name of the district, as was the style of many poor and illiterate farmers. They only came down from their farm once or twice a year to sell the special herbs they grew up there- the elder had seen the woman pregnant, but they had not come down to tell him the girl's name for the village records. So that day, the vagrant became Kenpachi Zaraki, and gave to her the name Yachiru as any parent should name their child, and the name Kusajishi, after the parents that loved her so. She only ever calls her adopted father Ken-chan, and is the only person who is allowed to call him that, because a parent should be called something special by their child. In deference to her parent's sacrifice, she does not call him "father". That was another man, who died for her. Zaraki does not lie to Yachiru, ever. Everything he told her about how they met is true. He has omitted one detail from the story, however. Her parents died from the cold snap because they had to be at least eighty, and not blessed with spiritual power like her. She had outlived her parents as an infant. And after speaking to the village elder about how, to his shame, he'd never managed to ask the little girl's name, even since he was a little boy, and failed to send anyone up there to check on the family, The vagrant with no name sat near the fire in the village hall, holding the little girl with no name. He thought about how terribly lonely it was, to not have a name. and how lucky he was that he had a mother who also had an extremely long lifespan that was able to live through raising him, and that he could still visit and speak to. and how unlucky this little girl was, that she did not. "How d'ya get a name?" the vagrant asked the village elder. "Well, here you just tell me what your name is, and I write it down in the village records." the elder said, watching him with curiosity. "...if I tell you a name, will you show me how to write it?" He asked, voice barely above a whisper. "Of course." The elder nodded. The vagrant was silent for a while. "Then her name is Yachiru Kusajishi." Said the vagrant. "...And yours?" The elder asked, picking up the record book and inkstone. "Mine?" the vagrant asked. "You're giving her a name because she hasn't got anyone else to do it, aren't you?" The elder asked, gaze steady. "If you name something, it's your responsibility forever, and you're going to have to be responsible for yourself if you're going to be responsible for her." The Vagrant considered this for a while. "My name-" he started and stopped, throat clicking like he was literally choking on the words. "-My name for her is Kenpachi Zaraki."

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Mayuri Kurotsuichi: CA: 132 LA: 267 Mayuri is the only shinigami aging faster than the expected rate. This is because he escaped from Hell, and Hell would very much like to get his ass back there ASAP.

Nemuri Kurotsuichi: CA: 20 LA: 20 Nemu has been twenty for twenty years now, ever since she was pulled from the goo of her incubation tube by her father Mayuri, and will be 20 for the foreseeable future. The static lack of aging is something Mayuri hopes to fix in future drafts- Nemu is the seventh Nemuri, and the most successful one so far- She's the second Nemuri to actually make it out of her incubation tube, and the first to survive more than a year, but Nemuri Hachigo is already developing in the basement of the 12th in case something happens to her. The knowledge of her 'Little Sister' is something that brings Nemu comfort, like already knowing what you're going to be reincarnated as. "That's really fucked up." Says Uryuu Ishida in the rubble of Las Noches as she puts his intestines back inside his thorax where they belong. He's on a lot of drugs he'd like to know less about. "-It's also kind of cute. In a away. but really fucked up."

Kirio Hikifune: CA: 617 LA: 35 Kirio is one of a handful of people in on Unohana's double identity, but would NEVER betray her beloved Senpai's personal information! She served under Unohana in the fourth and developed her flesh-to-food technique with Unohana's help.

Tama Nikuya: CA: 1,477 LA: 26 Despite being the same age as Zaraki and Unohana and was aging at the same slow rate, the process that turned her into a Puca also caused her to go into bio-hell-fuckery that has effectively stopped her from aging at all. Or rather, she IS aging but every time she dies, she reappears as the LA age she was when she underwent The Flesh Change. She says the process is not infinite- she WILL eventually run out of spare lives, and if she manages to live long enough to die of old age in this body, she will NOT respawn at all. Also- it HURTS! She does die, which hurts, and comes back, which hurts EVEN MORE, and each time she comes back, she's confronted with the prospect of either outling all her friends or putting them through a similar hell to stay together. All in all, DO NOT ATTEMPT. I am speaking to you specifically, Kisuke. Akon Akon: CA: 119 LA: 27 Akon only has the one name but the archives don't like that so he uses it Twice. He was imprisoned without trial in the Maggot's nest for being part Yokai when he was a small child, and sprung to work in R&D By Mayuri shortly after Urahara's disappearence. He's friends with Yachiru and Nanao because there weren't hat many kids in the social circles of the Gotei-13's upper ranks, and all three of them shared a mutual interest in the Dinosaurs that were being discovered at the time. He's friends with Shuuhei because he was forced to take Remedial "if you work in the 12th instead of just R&D you need to actually know how to be a shinigami" classes the same year Shuuhei was accepted to the academy and they were dorm mates. Akon intermittendly draws weird one-panel cartoons for the Seireitei bulletin under a pen name, often about strange scientific jokes and on one notable occasion, bovine anthropological artifacts.

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Jushiro Ukitake: CA: 857 LA: 44 Ukitake is genuinely unsure if, when or HOW he will die, given that he is host to a Divine Being. Once that particular cat is out of the bag, it gives him something to commiserate about with Tama. Already, Shunsui is starting to outpace his age- is he doomed to bury his friend? or will circumstance force Mimihagi to consume him entirely? Mimihagi is sympathetic- the Left Hand of God is also not sure what this fusion entails for him- it's possible that if Jushiro dies by any other means besides Mimihagi consuming him, that Mimihagi will die with him, and neither is sure what kind of impact that might have on the universe at large. Still, if it weren't for Mimihagi's intervention, Jushiro wouldn't have this time at all, and Mimihagi will never have had these experiences, so neither regrets the choice they made, regardless of how it ends.

Hachigen Ushoda: CA: 278 LA: 32. Hachigen is appearing under the 13th Division because the Kido Corps got absorbed into the 13th while he was away. Hachi consistently fools people into thinking he's way older than he actually is because he has to tailor-make all his clothes for his massive frame, so why NOT go all the way and make something Special for all this effort?

...this post is already three miles long, I'll do the Arrancar and Quincy next.

MUTANT MAYHEM TURTLE AGES CONFIRMED

this is a product of insanity on my behalf (no spoilers)

so to start things off the official TMNT Twitter posted this birth month chart for funzies, but I as someone who will never not take things as the factual truth, had to dive deeper.

WHAT DO WE KNOW

1. The movie and trailer both state that the turtles and splinter were mutated "15 years ago". So they are AT LEAST 15

2. The turtles have a confirmed age order being Leo>Raph>Donnie>Mikey (Don's description didn't mention his age but we can assume)

3. Splinter mentioned that when they were mutated they became the age equivalent of when they were animals (grown rat to grown rat man, baby turtles to turtle toddlers).

4. We now know what months they were born in.

WHAT DO WE DO WITH ALL THIS??

Well first we use rationality, if Leo's birthday is first but he's the oldest he must be at least a year older than Mikey and Donnie. We also know that 2008 was 15 years ago (... insane.....). With both of these we can assume that Leo's birthday is sometime January 2007, Raph is April 2007, Don is February 2008 and Mikey is March 2008. Thus making Leo and Raph 16 and Donnie and Mikey 15.

but why stop here...

See knowing the years they were born is the easy part, I want to know the age equivalent of when they were MUTATED. So for those who are curious please stick around

So, it is widely accepted that these four are musk turtles, musk turtles have a lifespan of about 30-50 years, roughly half the average person. We can also assume that the turtles were mutated in August 2008, given that is the same month that Superfly was born.

So let's say the human equivalent age is half of a turtles age (80-100 is roughly double the average 30-50 year turtle life span). Given that 1 year of turtle time is = .5 of human age we divide the turtles technical age PRE MUTATION by two (as before they were mutated they were developing like normal turtles). Leo would be 1 year 7 months in August 2008 assuming he was born in January 2007, so when he was mutated he was the equivalent to a 9.5 month old infant, For Raph he would have been 16 months pre mutation giving him the developmental age of about 8 months. Donnie would be at 3 months and Mikey at 2.5 months old in human development.

So with all that we could probably assume that the boys mental age is slightly less than their actual physical age. To calculate this we would take their developmental age post mutation and add 15 years (since August 2008) making them all 15 with a couple months difference.

To be fair none of this makes sense and I'm totally just running off a whim and got bored and wanted to do some math. But hey if you guys enjoy it

CONCLUSION :

the turtles are 15

TLDR: I did a shit ton of math to prove what we already know and was blatantly stated but with a little more nuance.

Imagine how horny a young blood would be with their lifetime mate.

I like this one. Made a little headcanon backstory for this.

Youngblood! Yautja/ Human! Female

CW: ns/fw under the cut

Yautja relationships come in all shapes and sizes.

Some there are the open, polyamorus. In which these Yautja parties use eachother as romantic and donor partners. (used to produce more babies and such)

These relationships are seemed as normal in Yautja culture and it is not uncommon to see Yautja Female bear many pups of different fathers throughout their lifetime.

And then there are the Monogamous relationships, strictly between two. These two can be interspecies, same sex, etc. But they are called Life-mates and said mates more often then not are courted.

These courted relationships are mostly composed of older Yautja/Oomans—more mature.

Youngbloods are more like young Oomans (early twenties!), eager to explore and experience life.

They enjoy their newfound freedom in their just-acquired adulthood. This includes one-night stands and fathering/mothering pups with different partners to enhance the gene-pool.

Just lots of pent-up hormones really, especially after they've been blooded!

So it is very unusual for a Youngblood to imprint on a Life-mate so early in their lifespan.

When your Yautja Mate came home with you and his Lifetime-mate, at HIS young age, your in-laws taken aback.

They didn't really dislike you, they knew their son had an affinity towards you, but they were a little sad their pup didn't give them at least a dozen grandchildren or so.

But what he didn't give to the other females, he gave to you...if you know what I mean.

Youngblood have a crazy libido.

You were so not ready for the amount of sex you were going to be having with him. It was better than you could have ever imagined.

On the outside, your mate kept up appearances, making sure to seem very professional and mature (something that drove people to believe him when the two of you said you were Life-mates.)

But this man was still young and mischievous.

He would tease you in public, rubbing up against you in stores and in front of his parents.

He would hide your clothes when you showered just to see you walk into the bedroom in just your towel. and if you asked what he did to you clothes, he would act all innocent.

He liked to keep you in his lap any time he could, let you feel him through his sheith.

You played your fair share of games with him as well. Hiding your underwear in his bag and sending him sexy pictures when he was off on his hunts.

But man, is the sex amazing.

He would take your time with you, drink up all your sounds, taste every part of you.

he liked to eat you out the most, he could not get enough of your Ooman taste. He said it was like a fruit he’d never tasted before.

Morning sex was an almost daily occurrence.

Youngblood morning wood doesn’t go away on its own, and you were more than okay with giving him a quick rut.

And as per Yautja etiquette he will always make you cum. Were it be during foreplay or sex you will always cum.

The Youngblood is full of energy, eager to hop into bed and try every position known to man, and every position he can do with you.

And he will find you attractive in every moment, clothed, armored up, or naked he will pop a boner no matter what. Lifetime-mates is a serious deal.

As crazy and extravagant your sexlife can be, you two do get tired from time to time.

some classic lazy poses are you on your side and your Youngblood on his behind you, slipping into you in a nice pace.

His only rule is that he wants to hear you every time you two have sex. He does not want you to cove your mouth or muffle each squeak you make.

But in the end he never fails to pamper you and give you the proper aftercare.

cuddles and a warm washcloths are always guaranteed. And every bath is given with you in his lap.

The Seven Deadly... Rings?!?!

@nocreativityfornames you're a genius I'm just gonna go ahead and swipe this and *eats*

original post here

Essentially what if we started Nightbringer but we also had the brothers in tow in the form of rings.

No, I didn't spell check this, I'm don't write very often so excuse any weirdness. I suck at grammar and ignore spell check.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Solomon holds his hand out expectantly, presenting to you a handful of exquisite multicolored rings. 7 to be exact. Each one a familiar face, in a somewhat familiar time.

Honestly, this isn't really that astounding by any means. When living in the Devildom, you've come to expect even the most unexpected situations. The rings were probably the least surprising thing you've heard today, seeing as how you had mysteriously been thrown across time and space and landed in the Devildom... approximately 7,000 years ago. Maybe? Nobody is really good at saving dates around here, especially when the average demon lifespan stretches from now to, basically, the end of time itself. A slight over exaggeration? Again, maybe. But in your defense, in your feeble mortal eyes, that's what it may as well be.

The rings jingle in your hand as you tentatively scoop them from Solomons cold hand.

Apon first glance, they would appear to be normal rings. Pristine, each gold band is fitted with a unique colored stone matching those of the beloved demons from your normal timeline. Although, if you really focused on it, twisting the bunch of them in your palm with your fingers, you could feel how warm the metal is. It was as if someone had worn the rings before you, even though it should not have been possible, as you would be the first to bear them. Along with the warm glow of the rings, you could faintly feel an intense pulsing sensation coming from the set. Whether or not it came from what could possibly be a rapid heartbeat or the emanating pulse of horrific eldritch powers, you couldn't tell.

You go to slip them on your waiting fingers until Solomon interrupts you.

"I will warn you Mc, they were terribly rowdy before I turned them into rings, I don't blame you if you find them overwhelming to wear."

"Thanks for the warning, Solomon. I appreciate you coming all this way to help me by the way!"

"Anything for my favorite apprentice! Oh! And put in the good word for me!" Solomon winks. He turns, presumably to go and survey the Devildom of millennia ago. You're eternally grateful he went through all this trouble, not only to willingly throw himself across time and space, but to also take the time to bring along the demon brothers.

You insert each hoop onto your fingers. They fit perfectly, made just for you to wear. For a moment, there is silence. You almost begin to doubt they're even there. The only sign of anything unusual is the pulsing jewelry around your fingers, seeming to wane slowly, just until it matches your own heartbeat. Then the screaming.

"Mc! Did I hurt you at all?"

"Can you hear me?! What happened?

"AHHH, I can't believe you met me while I was in my blunder years! Wahhh!! I'm so embarrassed!!"

"Oi! Human what the hell?! What were you thinking just vanishing like that?"

"Mc, why did you leave?"

"Hon, you nearly gave me a heart attack when I heard youd gone missing! Lets go home asap!"

"..."

Suddenly, you weren't so alone in your head. A barrage of questions, sobs, and abnormal talk of urgency was flung straight in your direction. You could practically visualize the tearful Levi. The clear image of the batting white eyelashes of Mammon as he looks worried at you. Along with what's definitely becoming a new wrinkle on Lucifers face as you listen to him interrogate you. It was almost relieving to hear them speak with such familiarity to you. After being treated like a stranger not too long ago, this felt like you had brought a piece of home with you in this strange version of the Devildom.

Maybe, just maybe in the strange place, in this strange time you could make the most of it. With a sorcerer and the seven rings at your side you may just be able to tackle the newly fallen brothers of the past, the new ruling power of the Devildom, Diavolo, and finally find out why you were sent here by the one called, Nightbringer.

A Neat Little Drabble

“Enjoying the smoke break?” 

A huffed laugh passes his lips as he looks over his shoulder “Yeah, but I know you. You’re about to lecture me about it. I get it doc, smokings killing me, but hey, it’s on my terms, that has to count for something” 

Lee sighs, leaning his elbows on the railing as he faces the building behind them, letting out an exhausted sigh. “Actually Zeke, I was going to tell you to indulge, as a treat, seeing as this new patient is a nightmare and a half” 

Zeke flicks his cigarette, humming in content. Doctor wasn’t wrong, todays been one giant heart palpitation. They’re lucky they know how to handle such a case otherwise some more blood might’ve been shed. “Oh? I get permission to have a bad habit now?” 

“Watch it. I'm still your superior here” Lee chides, turning to lean on the rail facing the same way as his coworker. “A little indulging will help you relax and lengthen your lifespan however, so another break would be fine with me. I myself need another thirty just to soak in everything about this one. Something is just so off, I can’t place my finger on it” 

Zeke flicks the butt of the cigarette to the ground, much to the ire of the doctor who shot him a look of disdain. “So- '' the second doctor begins, “We can agree he’s horrifying. He’s so easy to let your guard down around, at least for some, and that in of itself should be a worry, but honestly what sets me off about him is this look he gets in his eyes. That look that says he’ll risk everything because he has nothing to lose, you know?” 

“Yeah, but Jasper has that look all the time just from me telling him to leave the needle box alone. The eyes bother me too but not from that look. If I’d have to say, I’d say its a look I used to align with myself when I was younger”. 

Zeke cocks his head, intrigued. “What do you mean? I know you’re a bit stern but as far as I know you only raise your voice at that idiot redhead and drink tea to piss Dexter off. Those eyes are that of a killer and an unhinged beast…You’re nothing like that”. 

Lee wants to laugh at that. Poor thing has no idea how close to a monster he really is. But he likes this relationship, it’s normal and mutual, and he’d prefer to keep it that way. “That's sweet of you to say. It's rather odd hearing a compliment from you” he joked, facing down the buildings and roads beneath them from the balcony. No, the look in this patient's eyes was definitely a look he has had himself. A look that said he was going to kill, maim, maul and murder just to get what he desired. But not because he had nothing left to lose. 

It was because he had found what he had been searching for. Once a man like him has found his soulmate, he’s bound to do horrible things to keep them. Today when he was brought in, he was like a completely demonic being. Slipping out of the cuffs, hiding in plain sight, attacking when you least expected it. He wasn’t human, he couldn’t be. 

And if he is, it’s all the more unfathomable and terrifying. 

“I'm always nice to you” Zeke scoffs, nudging Lee playfully “We don't have to worry about much. We’re trained and capable of handling him. Hell, I’m sure it’ll be a breeze once the rest of the staff stops getting in the way and panicking. Most of those cuts and attacks were because they couldn’t quit screaming and losing their shit”. 

“Mind you that you weren’t helping by egging him on. I'd rather not see you get your knife out. I know you’re fond, but this is work, we come here to help, not to antagonize” Lee scolds, eyes turned to slits in annoyance. “You’re a great student and a great friend. I watched you at graduation. I don’t want to lose you because you too can’t keep urges at bay. That's the line that keeps us from becoming one of these patients” 

“That and half of them aren’t exactly human” 

“Yes, Jasper is an enigma” 

The two share a chuckle, Zeke flicking his lighter as he sighs. “Well, what do we call this newcomer? Didn’t exactly get the info since the pages were spattered in blood”. 

Ah, he seems to remember that the screaming wasn’t exactly that of the patient's identity. Just slashing, cackling, and terrified cries for help or aid. One would think the name of such a person would be similar to that of a beast of legend or Lucifer himself. 

Lee tilts his head up to better feel the wind on his face, shoulders hunched as he speaks bitterly. 

“Elias”. 

(Hi! I hope you beans enjoyed this little short! I might make more, but it depends on how my brain looks at the new character lol -Mommabean )

Yuu get´s turned into a Turtle-Pomefiore+Ignihyde

Vil

he immediately got to polish you

because if you want to stay in Pomefiore you have to follow the Dorms rules

and man is there a lot, he even told you how to properly eat

yeah he told a Turtle how to properly eat their food and no, no one even knows why considering all you can do is just chew

he also got you a tiny Pomefiore uniform but you´re pretty sure Rook insisted on this one

Vil just like Jamil also uses you to rant about everything that bothers him

it isn´t uncommon for you to sit on his vanity while he reapplies his make-up and complains about everything he can think about, most of the time that he always get´s cast as a Villain and his annoyance over Neige

he also tried putting make up on you, but this one did not end well

Rook

he tried to hunt out of curiosity and for some reason you managed to escape him

he was so impressed by this one and made this a daily occurrence

and you did not like it at all

usually you try to find Leona or someone else so he´ll hopefully get distracted long enough for you to sneak away

he also made you a tiny Pomefiore uniform, it actually has no reason he just thought it would make you look even better

but he did scold you for always covering it in blood or dirt

he also helped you to hunt or rather protect your self from flying predators

actually not really every time one got you, he just found you with some blood in the Pomefiore lounge

he can´t wait until your back to normal and tell him all about your adventures

Epel

he thought it was funny that you attacked everybody that made fun of you

wasn´t as funny for him when you attacked him for being a dick

and if it wasn´t for Vil catching him he would have tried to fight a Turtle, but it was good for his pride that Vil intervened he probably wouldn´t have taken well if he lost against a Turtle

despite both of you starting fights with each other regularly

it could have been worse

I mean at least he always carries you around and protects you from birds that want to eat you

or when he is in Spelldrive club somewhere safe for you to hide, he also loves it if you keep biting his club mates who are annoying

Idia

he hates you because you keep biting his ankles when all he does is want to play games, it isn´t his fault that he forgot to feed you! now stop biting him!

you will take years of off his lifespan just from stress alone

the worst thing is that Ortho just thinks it´s normal behavior and refuses to help him when you keep attacking him for the smallest of reasons

the only plus is that he now has bragging rights that he thaught a Turtle how to complete a no death run in Star Rogue

or even that he thought a Turtle how to play video games, would have been more impressive if it was a normal Turtle and not ya know a Human temporarily turned into one

Ortho

he saw it as a way to have a sleepover with a friend ^^ even if that friend got turned into a Turtle and couldn´t do much

but he did take care of you as good as he could, he pulled up a bunch of articals about Turtle care and found out the best way, which was just some salad leaves and strawberries

but you could have gotten worse to eat, Ortho could have decided to feed you whatever Idia survives of off

speaking of Idia he does not trust you at all, since you temporarily moved into Ignihyde he started locking his doors and double checking if you aren´t hiding somewhere to bite him

he hates that every time you do something Ortho doesn´t see it and just thinks he hates it that a new person is in Ignihyde that he has to spend time with, I mean he is right but you are still a danger to his survival

Just out of curiosity, how long is the lifespan of a mew in this universe? Would they more or less live as long as the average man or ‘mon, or are they capable of living for centuries?

If they do have an extended lifespan, then do they happen to see any side effects of aging at all, or do they stop aging entirely after reaching adulthood?

Lastly, would Lavender or potentially even Randy be and different from, say, Akoya or the twins in any of these regards?

Well this got long. XD I'll start by saying they aren't immortal, for two reasons; One, I can't wrap my brain around writing just one character that's millions or even thousands of years old, let alone however many I end up with. Two, I want room to have lots of Mew characters, and immortality would eventually lead to overpopulation.

There's a TL;DR at the bottom, if the following text wall is too much.

I've talked a bit about their lifespan before, but I can't fully remember what I said about it (I think I said they can live between 100 and 200 years), and I actually want to change it a bit.

The average lifespan of Mews in my world is around the same as human, or maybe a little shorter for Mews that don't have the same access to man-developed life extending measures. So (barring outside interference from predators and the like), maybe between 50 and 100 years for wild Mews, closer to 100 for Mews among humans.

However, they can live to be much older if they can hone their transformation ability. If they can learn to transform life-threatening issues away, then they can considerably expand their lifespan. Anything that doesn't instantly kill or incapacitate a Mew can be healed through transformation.

So with that, how don't they live forever? Well, my head-canon is that their power begins to diminish after so many years (maybe up to 200, give or take depending on the Mew), to the point that their transformation no longer works. They will also show signs of aging the same as humans and other Pokemon. (Or animals, for a more real-life equivalent.)

Mews with a strong understanding of health and the threats to it, alongside their transformation, will have a much better chance of living unusually long lives.

As far as Lav and Randy, they fall under the same rules. At this point, Randy wouldn't be able to extend his life as far as Akoya would, because he doesn't practice transforming as much as she does. (Though I haven't shown it much, she's comfortable becoming other Pokemon while he isn't.) And Lav's transform isn't as capable as normal Mews, so she also may not be able to extend her lifespan, at least to the same degree. Nico is unable to transform at all, so he will live to be between 80-100 years.

If you read all that, thank you. I truly appreciate it. X3

TL;DR: Mew lifespan in my world is roughly 50-100 years, but can be extended to maybe about 200 years through honing Transform to remove life-threatening issues. Their power diminishes after a certain amount of time and they do start to age as normal people and Pokemon. Randy and Lav fall under this as well, so their lifespan depends on their ability to transform. Nico can't extend at all due to not being able to transform.

FATUI MAGIC USERS AU TIME got some doodles done, guess whooo

in loving memory of supreme strange's good writing, i am starting with fatui harbinger strange (totally didnt sketch wanda and mordo before i found out about the catastrophe) ((they're next))

- The Second of the Eleven Fatui Harbingers, Il Dottore / The Doctor

(og dottore for reference)

i love crazyasses!!! alr so clearly not colored but imagine it is, + un-altered outfit (since the one harbinger strange has is a bit different)

super! okay class question nr 1 was the artist attracted to men

alright now to talk about this freak of nature, things i kept from Il Dottore's backstory

(will refer to him as Stephen to differentiate between this AU and the regular Marvel Impact AU where his name is Sufian)

zoinks warning for some crazy shit, mentions of malpractice and totally legal ways of treating patients

☆ this dude wants to create a god and to elevate humans to the level of gods, and the people around him have given him constructive criticism on his ways and research, such as "thats not normal", "please cut it out", and "get that scalpel away from me"

☆ if there are clear lines that cannot be crossed as a researcher and doctor, Stephen does not see them! He has used gods' remains as treatment and he would do it again ((take his medical license away))

☆ harbinger strange is at least 400 years old; he IS human but he created segments or "clones" of himself like any normal person would to surpass the limits of his lifespan (which he later killed for two cool magical rocks, might've as well not made them🙄)

despite everything, he's far more tame and sane than Zandik/OG Dottore in this AU, just a little bit more of a jerk that, instead of starting off with negotiating with Lesser Lord Kusanali, went straight to throwing heretic hands with the traveler

small side note

- Loki takes the place of The Balladeer/Scaramouche, he's a puppet which means -> very bad if there's someone out there that wants to create a god. i dont need to say more, you can imagine how thats going

the more normal people are next, if u have any questions about this weirdo pls hand them over, i love questions

Another human kink idea that pop up in my head

Imagine how elves wizard who study magic for hundreds of years to realize that they are on the same level of 20ish yo human wizard

I hope you are doing well btw

— RED anon

Yes! That fact never made sense to me either. For example, if Gale, a human who's clearly in his 30s, managed to become an Arch-Wizard, then what's stopping elves with lifespans ten times his own.

Theory A

Humans are born with an invisible xp multipler. Since at the end of the day, the dnd universe functions by game rules, and characters do, in fact, "level up," but they're not aware of it themselves.

To make up for their short life spans, all short lived races either are born with an xp multipler that lets them achieve more faster, or elves are born with a xp multipler that has a negative penalty.

So if a human by themselves has a multipler of 100% per year of magic study, then elves would have a 10% multipler. While dragonborns would have 110%. Kenku and Goblins get a 140% etc.

What about immortal creatures? Simple, they start with 100% or whatever their base race multipler is and suffer a decay penalty the more years they live past their age. But i feel like there should be a cap, maybe it can never get less than 1%.

Theory B

All races have the same xp multipler, but elves tend to fuck around doing nothing all day more. Maybe study one page for week and call it a day. It's not on purpose but their perception of time is really altered, what feels like hours to us might be seconds for them.

So if an elf really wants to, they can study all their life and actually become one of the most powerful arch-wizards. But they just...don't for some reason. Maybe it's the way Corellon made them, maybe being a wizard is scoffed at amogst their ranks because they are all born with inherited magic and the idea of learning and borrowing magic from the weave is insulting. Like how in drow society, most wizards are male, because if a women can study or do magic then it's considered much better to become a priestess of Lolth. Being a wizard is an insult.

Theory C

Because humans are speical and I said so :"((((

Because what if they really are? What if elves have been genuinely trying their best to become wizards and study all their life but for some reason, it's just not enough, yk. Maybe the weave prefers the short-lived, maybe Mystra prefers the humankind. Who knows.

Magic is Not like math, at least not like non-quantum math bc god knows that shit is the closest we will ever get to actual magic. People have been trying to marry it with actual physics and our normal math for years to no avail.

That's why kids are so much better at magic, you see. Magic is limited by your own brain, your own creativity and how you bend the rules.

What are humans known for? Their endless potential and creativity. What are they best at? Breaking the rules.

Maybe the human brain just clicks with magic. Our entire evolution of becoming really good problem solvers. Maybe solving puzzles for fun is a unique experience for humans which is why most of them end up falling in love with magic.

Anyway, that's all for the theory, kinky smut below about wizard elves and humans.

Okay so hear me out. You're a child prodigy in magic, far beyond your years and your understanding of the weave is so personalised and intimate that by a young age you started writing books to teach others your own ways.

As the years went by and the more wizard study certificates you've collected, you decided to teach at a magic university. You were so far known but the one thing everyone glosses over was the fact you were human. It was never mentioned in any of your books or writing.

So you're this cute young human professor at this prestigious high elf magic academy for wizards. Standing in front of rows of people much older than 4 or 5 of your generations combined. Having to teach them and be stern.

But they're being so stubborn and petty about the fact that a meek human is trying to act like their superior. Especially being high elves and all. They're tried to not take you seriously and skip your class but found out later that you're one of the mandatory classes for them to graduate so they begrudgingly attended.

Maybe they start thinking of you as eyecandy. Shamelessly glancing at you when you bend over to help look at someone's paper, maybe they start dropping the prof honorific and address you by a name or a nickname in elvish you're not aware of. Maybe even that elvish word has a perverted meaning that flies over your head when you happily answer to it and think they're warming up to you.

They try to become really close, inviting you to their hangouts, inappropriate parties, and everything that a professor shouldn't be attending. They hand you drinks and watch you swallow them down, coaxing you into showing them your cute human games, truth or dare it was called right?

One student dares you to sit on their lap, they coo and run their fingers on your body. Another skips turns to dare you to take your blazer off, why are you wearing formal clothes here?

My immediate thoughts on the ending of the golden enclaves (spoilers):

I'm happy that El finally figured out how to not only accept her allies sticking with her in a crisis, but actually ask them to. Personal growth!

I do not understand the thing with Orion, but whatever, it's a fantasy story, I'll roll with it. In terms of understanding the plot at least. I'm not sure how I feel about "Orion really did have a monster inside of him that could have destroyed everything, but then it got killed and now he's fine." Wut. It helps that he seems to basically be the same person after. If he'd gone through some sort of personality makeover I would have lost it.

I find it hilarious that El was trying to get Orion to face his supposed trauma as a way of avoiding dealing with her own and her mom absolutely caught on to it. Very human.

I think there's something probably deeply symbolic about El combining the three spells there, I'm not up for unpacking it all but including the Scholomance "shelter all the wise-gifted children of the world" thing but making it real very much reminds me of this poem by Langston Hughes. The whole, it wasn't true but it was a good idea so let's make it true. On that note I imagine Orion is thrilled that he gets to stay in his favorite place and do his favorite activity forever. (Or as long as he lives? I'm not sure whether he's going to end up with a normal human lifespan or not.) And he'll get to see his favorite human at least some of the time.

I don't think I mentioned this earlier, but Orion being afraid he'd drain El's mana is more poignant in retrospect. Apparently there was actually a real risk there.

In terms of real world analogs, I think replacing the enclaves with golden stone enclaves works well as a metaphor for "the capitalist system is fucked up, but if you just tear it all down without a replacement, people will die." I know I was cheering for the burn it all down approach earlier, but the book did in fact do a solid job of showing the problems with that. Little 13 or 14 year old coming home from walking her grandmother's dog and everyone's just gone. Ay.

I'm very happy they found a way to cast the spells that do not rely on El having once in a millennium powers. Ideally they'd also find a way to get rid of maw-mouths that doesn't rely on her once a Millenium powers, but whatever.

I probably would have rolled with it if they'd broken the how enclaves are made news to the world and there was some massive outcry, but I do find it satisfyingly realistic that it's not that simple.

I am still confused about the Orion thing. That one kid from Argentina was OK because his shield was still mostly up. Lu was OK (ish) because the spell had been interrupted. But if someone really did have that done to them, before they were even born, that shouldn't actually be survivable, should it? But if Orion didn't survive, he shouldn't have been a person and he was a person. I don't get it. Gah.

Complaints aside, the ending does work for me. I'm buying it. I'm enjoying El eating edamame with Orion and having birds and butterflies in place of falling snake-things and finally admitting something is nice (personal growth). And it does feel like she's not entirely happy yet, she's not entirely content yet, but she wants to be and she's moving in that direction. I think she's getting there.

And I'm glad El got to reunite with her father's family. I wouldn't blame her if she never forgave Deepthi. But I think it's cool she did, and it really does sound like there weren't better options.

Speaking of lack of better options, it's aggravating that Ophelia made Domina, but...it's consistent with the book's themes that that happened and it doesn't prevent the happy ending. It's not about taking down a specific bad guy, or bad woman as the case may be. It's dealing with systemic bullshit, and actually El can do that without taking Ophelia out. Nice parallel to Liesel letting go of her revenge quest too.

I figure there's a much longer thing to be written about pacifism and themes in the scholomance, but for now: sometimes people get this weird idea that anyone committed to non-violence or anything similar, like not seeking revenge, must have had an incredibly sheltered life with no real problems. Anyways. El is definitely not that. She did have an especially kind mother, but that mother also didn't have a particularly sheltered life and she chose that path anyways. I approve of that narrative choice. (And it doesn't feel like it's floating out in nowhere either. It's grounded, like Avatar the Last Airbender is grounded, in showing all the characters as people. In ATLA, people in the Fire Nation are people, farmers and criminals and guerrilla fighters and soldiers are people, Ozai is a massive dick with an appalling absence of checks on his power but he's still a person. And every time El doesn't like someone, because of their privilege or because they're a jerk, she ends up seeing a different side of them, a way that they're vulnerable or have been hurt, a generous and giving or heroic side to them. Everyone gets to be a person. We don't see enough behind Ophelia's mask I think to really see what kind of person she is (we see more of what's his name, Shanghai Guy's) but we can reasonably assume that she is a person whose motives at least make sense to her.

This is out of nowhere question. But since real life turtles can live over a century old or mayby 2 centuries like how the giant tortoises of the Galapagos Islands can live for 250 years, do you think our 4 lovable boys have such a long lifespan or do you think their mutation decreased it to be around the same as humans?? Because in the 2k3 show 100 years in the future they could walk outside like normal peoples and it would be rewarding for them at least if they can experience that later in their life time

I looked up the lifespans of box turtles and red eared sliders, which is what I usually consider most of the turtles to be. And it looks like the average life span is about 40 years. Though with the release of the Last Ronin, I kind of go with that canon toward how the turtles age. Their mutation seems to slow their aging and they just get bigger and sturdier. So I imagine they live longer lives. So I think as long as an enemy doesn't get them first, they can live around 150- maybe 200 depending on which version of the turtles and how well they take care of themselves. I feel like any version with magic makes them live even longer. Plus there's always the mecha Donatellos who would be living maybe forever. Though you didn't mention Splinter, I would like to weigh in on him. Since rats live a very short life span of around 2 years, the rat Splinters are generally more visibly aged when the boys are teens and will probably die of old age when the turtles are in their late 20's to early 30's. Whereas the Hamato Yoshi Splinters are a bit younger and have a longer life span, but the rat DNA still ages them a bit quicker than if they were human.

Thanks for the ask! I really enjoyed exploring this!

Who are your top 5 favorite JoJo characters and why? Who are your least favorite characters?

Alright I'm gonna go into more detail because I love talking about characters <3

1: Foo Fighters. Like I've said before, Kakyoin and them have some similar motifs, namely the motifs of feeling othered from the world and not really having friends until they become a part of the main Jojo group of their respective parts. As a (probably) autistic person and a (definitely) ADHD person, I heavily relate to this message, as I never really feel like I belong unless I'm with my tight-knit friend group. What I like better about FF, though, is that this "otherness" is a key aspect of their personality and characterization, instead of being shoehorned in right before their screen time ends. That, and their overall personality is just more fun. Also nonbinary representation is always cool in my book.

2: Josuke Higashikata. He's the manifestation of my favorite things about Jojo all put into one character. He's got a snazzy outfit. He can switch from silly to serious at a moment's notice. But most importantly, he has a heart of gold and won't stop fighting for peace. The fact that he's a former fictional crush of mine definitely kicks him up a few places as well.

3: Yoshikage Kira. I know I said Josuke includes all of my favorite things about Jojo, but Kira is a manifestation of all the minor things I love about Jojo. He "looks normal" in canon but wears a Bright Purple Outfit. He has really unique dialogue. He's insanely smart. And, of course, he's a needlessly cruel villain. Araki seems to love creating villains that like to kick puppies for fun, and I love seeing them in his work. The funniest part is that Kira would actually just be a normal guy, if not for his urge to kill women. There's a lot of other things about his character I like, but none major enough to mention here.

4: Jolyne Cujoh. I really appreciated seeing her character growth throughout the story of Stone Ocean! Jolyne, like Josuke, has a lot of that fighting spirit and willpower, but instead of fighting for the sake of others (although she definitely does that don't get me wrong), her story is about fighting for the sake of herself. She's been through a lot. She grew up without a father figure. And now, she's stuck in prison for a crime she didn't commit. Her story is about fighting for her own future, fighting to make amends with her father, fighting to free herself and her soul. And in the end, it was her decisions that ended up defeating Pucci.

5: Danny. The bestest boy. Little ouppy. He deserved better.

okay but really my number 5 pick is Iggy. He's a dog who gives absolutely zero shits about humans unless they're giving him coffee gum. But underneath that shittiness is a tenacity that's almost human-like. He reminds me of my own dog, in a way. She's a grumpy old lady who doesn't listen to a word you say unless there's food involved, and she refuses to die. Seriously, she's gotten her little paws on SO much chocolate during her lifespan, and she's had to take a medicine that was supposed to give her leukemia years ago.

And for the sake of not making this any longer than it needs to be, I'll just list my least favorite character from the main cast and then overall.

My least favorite Jojo character from the main cast is Giorno. I feel like there's a lot of missed potential with his character. This is a 15-year-old boy who has both Joestar and Brando blood. There was so much Araki could have done with Giorno that he didn't, and instead created a character with very little personality who was supposed to be the driving force of his part. I think he's part of the reason Golden Wind is one of the most forgettable parts to me.

My least favorite Jojo character overall is Forever the orangutan. His Stand fight could have been really interesting but instead we got a child's bare ass on screen because Forever was a creep. I actually watched the Jojo OVA from the 2000's, and they cut Anne's character out entirely but keep the Strength fight. Because Anne wasn't there they altered how some of the events went down and honestly? It was super cool. I liked it a lot more. And do keep in mind that I don't think Araki was trying to write this as a sexy thing. I do think he was trying to incorporate shock factor though so it's still not very redeemable.

The Southern Air Temple

I'm trying to use a read more link to shorten this post a bit, let's see if this works.

So pretty

So I somehow made it to episode three without realising that the old guy is called Iroh. My limited knowledge of this show tells me that he's a main character and I somehow missed that he existed for two episodes. Good job me.

Zuko honey you need to learn to lie. You're supposed to be one of the bad guys - that involves lying!

This Jao guy has been onscreen for like 40 seconds and already I want to punch his face.

Appa has wiggly legs when he flies. That is so cute.

The southern air temple is very blue for an orange-coded nation.

I get the impression that Jao likes the sound of his own voice. Do you think he invited Zuko and Iroh in for a drink just so he could monologue?

Nevermind he was stalling for time.

I like the plinky atmospheric music that plays at the air temple.

"What's wrong?" says the Katara, the girl who's already had two whole monologues to Aang about how changed the temple might be. What do you think is wrong Katara?

Sokka is a good friend.

Katara, on the other hand, is so efficient that she manages to both coddle Aang and assault Sokka in a single move. Also I guess waterbenders are snow benders too. Makes sense. Presumably that means they can bend water in any state? So mist, steam, snow, ice, water, fog?

Appas!!! Baby Appas!!!

Aang's face looks weird here.

The sound effects! They got me. Also the guy on the end has the weirdest skunk beard.

The Giatso guy seems like such a well-rounded person. I want to sit down with him and chat.

Yeah, good point. Aang did survive a century. And good on Katara for acknowledging that.

Airbenders invented pipe organs in this world. I bet they had bagpipes too.

Having a threshold that hoots when you cross it is a nifty security feature.

Is that avatar a waterbender? Can you tell? They look like a water tribe person to me, but is there anything like Aang's tattoos in waterbender culture that Katara saw on the statue?

Poor Sokka, the only normal person on a trip full of inexplicable glowiness and missing meats.

"You're making a sound!" I'm calling it now, Katara is no good in a crisis. Also good on me for noticing the hooting threshold. I thought that was just worldbuilding, but turns out it's plot relevant.

Benny Hill chase, lemur edition. Also that's twice Sokka's fallen on his chin this episode.

This Jao guy does asshole so well. Also how is he getting away with talking to two princes like this? These two must be seriously unpopular in whatever court the fire nation has.

So it is a burn scar. And I think losing a duel is why he's exiled?

Time to glow! Honestly, an under-reaction.

That's a lot of avatars. If avatars live normal human lifespans then I feel like this world has been around a lot longer than ours. There are 45 in this picture and that's not counting the ones on the spiral on the floor, and who knows how high this chamber goes. 45 x 80 = 3600 years in one picture.

Sokka gets ragdolled for the third time this episode.

Some not so subtle exposition from Katara. His avatar spirit makes him glow. Last episode it was the desperation of losing the fight with Zuko, this time it's grief. Maybe some anger too? So strong emotion triggers it.

Pretty.

The end credits music plays here, or at least something like it. I'm guessing it's the music associated with firebending?

How have none of these guys singed off their hair yet? Or their clothes? And how many times did they reuse that shot of Zuko getting pushed back?

Fire breakdancing!

Did they reuse the kicking shot too?

What are the win conditions for this duel? Both Zuko and Jao end up on the ground at some point, but Zuko wins? Also does this mean that Jao is now banished from the fire nation? Actually is this taking place in the fire nation? They control the port but is this conquered land?

Serious strength from Iroh. He just pushes Jao back like he's standing on ice. Such a casual flick of the wrist and he goes flying. How?

Raw lines from Iroh here. Serious dad points for the "I told you jinseng is my favourite" joke. In my experience blatant misdirection is about the only way to get teenage boys to accept parental affection.

I'm guessing there was a timeskip between this episode and the last one? Because I don't believe that Katara's speech would have talked Aang out of being glowy if they hadn't had more time than we've seen on screen to bond. A week or two in Appa's saddle maybe?

The lemur speaks English! And somewhere on this temple is a still-functioning orchard/garden.

"we're all that's left of this place" how can he be so happy/calm when he says that? That takes a crazy level of zen.

The whole ending sequence where they're flying away from the beautifully purple-tinted clouds and no words are spoken is so well done. Leaves you with such a contemplative feeling. Also clever. It's Aang and the lemur's home, so it's Aang and the lemur that look back as they leave.

Credits inform me that I have been mispelling Zhao and Gyatso and also that's Jason Isaacs! He is indeed very good at assholes, so excellent casting choice.

Final thoughts

Aang dealt with that whole episode a lot better than I would have. Either going glowy is cathartic and burns through angst or he has superhuman levels of zen, because I can't imagine anyone being still functional after finding out what he did. I'm assuming for Aang the time in the ice felt like a few days at best, so he saw Gyatso alive maybe two or three weeks ago? And now here's his century old skeleton? Also where are the rest of the skeletons? Did the fire nation send cleanup crews? That's a morbid thought.

Having Aang find Gyatso's skeleton specifically? This show doesn't pull punches. Which would have had more impact: Aang finding a room full of unidentifiable airbender skeletons, or Aang finding Gyatso's skeleton specifically?

Zuko is an underdog in his own nation, with only Iroh on his side. Even his crew ratted him out. I have a nasty feeling that Zhao's comments on Zuko's relationship with his father were spot on - why would Zuko have reacted so strongly otherwise? Either Zuko is an unwanted spare, or Zuko is the oldest in line to the throne and his father prefers the younger sibling and is trying to get Zuko killed by sending him on a wild goose chase. Which has turned out to not be so wild after all. Maybe Iroh is with him because they're both the unwanted younger spares? Iroh being the firelord's younger brother, and Zuko being the crown prince's/princess's younger brother?

This was pretty much the first demonstration of firebending's capabilities, and I have to wonder how the war is still going on? How has the fire nation not won yet? These guys have an army of walking flamethrowers that presumably never run out of fuel. Get them to advance in formation while maintaining a rolling wall of flames and they could be unstoppable.

I really liked the music in this episode. The plinky theme of the air temple contrasted with the more aggressive fire bending chanting. And the colours! How the air nation is blue and purple and the fire nation is all reds and oranges. The clouds were particularly enchanting this episode. I know nothing about animation, so I'm just guessing here, but were some of those clouds actual real clouds that got inserted or animated over or however that works?

Something that I'm noticing with this show after only three episodes is how quickly they can establish depth and interest in a character. Gyatso is on screen for maybe a minute in a flashback but I feel like I know him intimately, I know exactly the kind of person he was, and I understand some of why Aang is the person he is too. Zhao hadn't even finished his introductory scene before I wanted to wack him on the head with a shovel. Crazy efficient storytelling.

Everyone was on brand this episode: Katara the bleeding heart, Aang the optimist, Sokka the teenage boy with a practical bent (did they end up restocking on food beyond what the lemur brought?) and Zuko the anger management poster boy. I feel like this was the first time we got a good look at Iroh. He seems an old hand at Zuko wrangling.

The two storylines weren't connected this time like in the last two episodes. A bit jarring, but ok.

Are we getting a new team member? Is the lemur a permanent addition? I hope so.

One of the most annoying myths about history

There is one historical myths that manosphere guys, republican politicians and a certain subset of shippers love to call back on. "It was once totally normal for kids to marry!! And hence it is totally not creepy for adult men to leer after 14 year old girls and to romanticize the relationship between a 13yo and a 31yo character."

Now, obligatory disclaimer: Yeah, you totally can ship whatever you want. But stop attacking people who - at times due to their own fucking trauma - just talk about how one ship creeps them out. Jesus.

But let's get back to the myth. It basically goes like that: In historical times (historical time of one's choosing, really) it was the norm that children or at least girls were married off in their early or at least later teens.

And that is just... wrong.

Mind you, yes, it happened. It definitely was not the norm. Most of the time it happened with children of nobility who were married for political alliances - but often enough did not even see their partners until a long while later (basically only when they were old enough to create off-spring on their own).

This myth tends to be linked to two other myths or rather misunderstandings:

People did not get older than 40 back then (so they had to marry early and start reproducing).

Families just wanted to get rid of their female children because they were useless if they did not reproduce.

To the first, well... This is a very typical misunderstanding. See, the average lifespan was much shorter - but here is the thing: Average. One of the main reasons it was so short on average was, that infants died at a much, much higher rate than they do today. Which was also the reason why people had so many children. Because many of those children would not reach adulthood. And mind you, this stayed true until fairly recently. Even out of my grandparents... My one grandmother was a child among nine siblings. And out of those kids only three reached adulthood.

The second part is very much based on this idea that medieval times especially had this big difference between men and women when it came to work. Which... is just wrong. Now, after the middle ages, yes, we got a lot more differenciation between men and women. But you have to understand that non-noble people in the middle ages could not really affort to... not have everyone in their household work. Men and women both went working the fields. Same went for girls and boys. Which also means hat for the parents there was actually no big difference between girls and boys in terms of usefulness.

Now, for people working in other fields this was less true. Certain jobs were indeed done by mostly men - or in some cases mostly women. And if a family had their entire life set out around one of those jobs, yes, having a girl was... less useful.

Of course, one thing that is true is, that for the most part the idea of a love marriage was something unheard off for most of human history. In fact the idea of romantic love was not wide-spread in the middle ags. But people also knew that... there were practical reasons why girls too young should not be married and should not get pregnant. Because, well, they were more likely to die during birth. And contrary to popular believe... yeah, actually people cared about the mothers' survival. Because, well... infants died at a high rate. But you could fairly easy get new infants. Getting a new girl into a fertile age was much more of a time investment. And yeah, contrary to what Game of Thrones might have told you, there is actually quite a lot of historical evidence on husbands again and again choosing the life of their wives over the life of a child, when there were complications during childbirth.

Now, outside of the historical record in fact showing that we do know that psychologically... a teenager just cannot have a healthy relationship with an adult. Even if the adult has no ill-intent. For the simple reason that the brain of a teenager is not fully developed. Teenagers hate to hear this, but... well, technically speaking they are still children. While an adult has a fully developed brain. And of course there is just that there is a lot of power-difference between someone working a job and a highschool student.

So... yeah. No. There is no good excuse for it. And no, it is also not historical.

Wukong: Evil, Evil Family Man

So like any normal person, I've been reading Journey To the West after I watched a Lego show--hyperfixations go brr, etc. But I just want to say I am fascinated by young Sun Wukong.

This man is arguably evil. Or at the very least, he's a metaphor for impulse and the ID. He largely does whatever he wants, and to an extreme degree of passion. He doesn't really have self-control.

First thing he does when he lands in a place that has humans? Beat up a guy and take his clothes. First thing he does when he gets all his powers? Murders a demon that dares to take his monkey subjects. And his solution? Terrify a kingdom and robs it of all its weapons.

But there is a genuine, passionate love and kindness to him as well. While not much else matters to him, it is so easy to see that he loves his people so much. At every opportunity, he tries to better their lives.

He gets genuinely excited when he finds the stone palace beyond the waterfall. He immediately shares it with the monkeys, and actually rules them as a kind king. He's never cruel to those closest to him.

After the Monstrous Demon King attacks, he trains them to defend themselves, after the first big demon attack on Flower Fruit Mountain. He makes sure they can be armed properly, too (again, by robbing a kingdom.)

At every opportunity, Sun Wukong tries to extend the lifespans of his monkeys as well as his own. First case? When he strikes all of their names from the records of the Dead. I also haven't gotten to this point, but I also know he steals a bunch of immortal peaches for the same reason.

(For context, I only recently reached the point where SWK gets outraged at his low rank in heaven and wants to be known as the Great Sage Equal to Heaven.)

Regardless, I think all of the above were done to make SWK a more sympathetic character. Because these are not the actions of a creature that is solely a monster. He loves his people fiercely. He will do anything to protect them and care for them, be that violence or crime. This man saw a bunch of monkies and his first thought was that he loved them.

So by all accounts, at this point before the Journey? Sun Wukong is a villain. He has one redeeming feature, and that is he loves his people so much.

Because even though we might want to call all the generals and rulers of Heaven assholes, we see Sun Wukong, in Lego Monkie Kid, after the Journey. After he's learned from all his mistakes, and after he's had his heart broken and his temper tamed. Before the Journey? He is a monster.

He's powerful enough to subdue dragons and demons, to the point where they fear his mere presence. He can fight gods, intimidate kings of the dead, and he is greedy. No matter how much power he gets, he's not satisfied (he will never be satisfied🎶.) He gets layers of immortality because he just wants it. He gets power because he wants it, terrorizes dragons for armor and weapons because he wants it, and he wants, wants, wants like a black hole.

Heaven was not wrong for thinking of him as a threat. Because he didn't care for anyone but his monkies. They tried a non-violent approach. They tried to give him a small role, just to test him out. Even if it was just a stable boy, essentially, it was still an honor. Were they awful to do it just because he looked like a monkey? Yeah, pretty messed up when you think about it.

Communication could have been better all around. But still. He denies his appointment out of sheer arrogance.

This Sun Wukong is dangerous. He guards what he has with ferocity, and only wants more.

The Lego Monkie Kid Wukong is a depressed little skrunkle who can't communicate to save his life--but is a whole lot more controlled and level-headed.

Summary:

At one year old, Vash knew he aged faster than humans, and had tried to come to terms with the fact that he would probably die well before any of the humans he met.

He didn't anticipate just how wrong that assessment was.

Vash knew that, as Independents, he and Kni were different from humans. Like any Plant, they had gates (though Vash still hadn’t figured out how to use his, if he even could at all), and had special markings that only appeared under certain kinds of light or when using their powers to talk to other Plants. It just so happened that, according to Rem, the twins looked and acted like they were relatively normal, eight year-old, human children.

Which, of course, was part of the whole ‘different from humans’ deal given the two were only a year old.

Not that it bothered Vash much. He’d heard about human infants from Rem, and he was more than happy that he could actually understand and enjoy the life he was living. He couldn’t imagine having to eat just mushy baby food for so long! He might actually understand Kni’s dislike of eating if they had to do that.

But even if Kni teased Vash for not acting like a Plant, it wasn’t as though Vash didn’t know he was one. It just didn’t really feel like it mattered.

At least it didn’t until one night at dinner, Kni looked up from his largely untouched plate, and asked, “Rem, since we age faster than humans, how long are we going to live?”

“I don’t know, Kni,” Rem said. “Dependent Plants have longer lifespans than humans-”

“But you said we’ve been growing faster than humans,” Kni interrupted, “and the dependent Plants don’t seem to age at all.”

As the implication of Kni’s statement set in, Vash felt his fork slide from his grasp and clatter to his plate. Eyes wide, Vash whipped his head up from his meal to face Rem, who inhaled sharply, her smile strained and fading.

“I don’t know,” she said again. “The only real reference for long-term Plant aging we have are the dependent Plants, but-”

“But we’re different from them, and the bulbs keep them alive! What if being independent is why we’re growing so much?” Kni said, and Vash could hear the note of worry in his voice. “Are we just going to age fast forever until we die in a few years?”

“Wait, what if we never get to see the planet? What if we die before we can even wake anyone up?” Vash’s voice cracked as he added his questions to his brother’s, his heart pounding faster and faster as thoughts of the future flew through his mind. “And what about you? If we don’t stop aging fast, we’ll die, and you’ll be alone-”

“Oh, boys…” Rem quickly stood from her seat, made her way around the small table to stand behind the two Independents, who immediately turned to face her as she rested a hand on each of their shoulders. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I promise, it’s going to be okay. Sometimes…sometimes even humans don’t live as long as others, but that doesn’t mean that the time they do have isn’t precious. No matter if you live as long as a human or less, your lives have meaning. Don’t ever doubt that.”

Then, Rem pulled both Vash and Kni into a tight hug, but not before Vash saw the start of tears in her eyes.

After that conversation, Vash had consigned himself to the fact that he and his brother likely weren’t going to live as long as the humans on the ship.

And then they discovered Tesla.

And then there was The Fall.

And then Vash was found by the crew of Ship 3. 

A member of the crew, Luida, recognized him as an Independent (though she was the only one who seemed to know what that was), and Vash was locked in a cell by a crew that didn’t know what to do with him. He didn’t know what to do with himself either. He didn’t eat, except for when the hunger got too fierce, and marked the days that went by on the wall. Ticking down the days to where his rapid aging may end his life before the hunger or the humans did.

Vash had spent nearly a third of his life in the cell before he was able to earn their trust by saving one of the Plants, and finally Vash knew that he had a purpose. He couldn’t generate electricity, or water, or food, or any other useful resource, but he could at least make sure his sisters were healthy enough to do it in his stead. He started helping other crashed ships with their Plants, and the crew of Ship 3 became something like a family. 

Then his role in The Fall was discovered and Vash ran. He found Kni, only to lose him once again, along with his left arm. A left arm that Brad, the very man whose accusation of betrayal caused Vash to run, replaced as an apology.

“It’s a bit clunky, but it should work as a temporary solution. Just let me know if it has any issues,” Brad said as he watched Vash flex the fingers of the prosthetic. “We’ll need to replace it in the next few months after all, what with you sprouting up like a weed any time we look away.”

Vash let out a soft laugh at that. “Guess I’ve hit my growth spurt.”

“You only just hit it now?” Brad scoffed and shook his head. “What do you call the last two years then?”

Vash looked down at the new arm and felt his smile dim slightly. He didn’t like to think about his age. When it was just him, Rem, and Kni (Knives?), it wasn’t as though Vash had any other kids to look to as a reference other than his twin, who was growing up at the same rapid pace as him. 

Now, at Home, there were human children out of cryosleep. Not many, but enough to where Vash was very aware of how he went from being something close to their peer to something nearly adult before any of them hit puberty. Sure, his aging was apparently slowing down, something Luida confirmed from what she remembered about Independents, but in spite of whatever relief he felt at knowing he wasn’t going to be dead in a few years from his body’s aging, he still felt the separation.

As an Independent, and one that had human needs at that, he was already too human to be a proper Plant, but his aging made it clear that he was too much of a Plant to be human either. The kids didn’t mind too much when playing with him, less than the teenagers who knew he was a little kid only a couple years ago did anyway, but it made something in Vash’s stomach twist. He knew that the only people actually his age on the ship were barely grown up enough to start preschooling, but whenever one of the kids he’d been playing hide and seek with only a year ago started treating him differently because he looked older than he used to, Vash felt as though it created another layer of distance between them. 

“You’ve got a point there,” Vash finally said before the pause could get too long. He looked back up at Brad, making sure to fix his smile more firmly on his face. 

“Of course I do,” Brad said with a smirk, though…was that a hint of concern in his expression? “Anyway, we’ll get you fitted for a new one in a couple months. I should be able to figure out some of what works and what doesn’t by then. Can’t have you go telling people I made you that thing only for it to not work. That would be bad for my reputation.”

“Of course,” Vash said, his smile becoming a bit more genuine.

By the time Vash turned six, he was taller than most of the humans he met, and the majority of the people he ran into recognized him as and treated him like a full grown adult. A young one, sure, and he’d overheard plenty of comments about his childishness, but in his defense, the other kids his age were much more childish than he was.

In any case, he looked like an adult, acted (mostly) like an adult, and could handle himself on his own. As such, rather than having Brad take time away from important projects at Home to chaperone Vash on his trips to heal the Plants, Vash began making the journeys between crash sites and budding towns on his own. He still stopped by Home occasionally, but as he met more and more people in more and more places, the gaps between his visits grew longer and longer. 

With how much traveling he was doing, it was understandable that he hadn’t really noticed. It wasn’t as though he kept track of time, as he was mostly busy trying to get to dying Plants before Kni did, and with him not staying in one place for long, it wasn’t as though Vash had any long-term references to compare himself to.

Because of this, Vash didn’t notice just how much his aging had slowed until he returned Home and realized that the same kids he’d played with when he’d first been let out of the cell weren’t kids anymore.

In fact, they looked older than him.

“Vash, is everything okay?” Luida asked when she noticed him standing frozen in the hall, watching one of his former playmates walk by. 

Luida herself was showing signs of aging, something Vash hadn’t really paid much attention to with how he wasn’t often around to notice in the first place. Vash had expected that he would look older than her by the time her hair started to go grey. 

Vash turned to face her and asked, “How long has it been since The Fall?”

“It’s been about twenty-seven years,” Luida replied, though her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, highlighting the wrinkles Vash could see beginning to form on her forehead. “Why do you ask?”

Vash inhaled sharply, and looked over at his reflection in the clean metal of the ship walls. Maybe it was because he was similar enough to humans in how he looked and acted, but when he’d found out his aging had slowed, he had assumed that it would eventually just reach human levels. Looking at himself now though, his face looking just the same as it had when he’d turned six years old, he realized that he never should have assumed that to be the case.

A dependent Plant’s maximum natural lifespan wasn’t completely known. They could be pushed beyond their limit, causing their energy to dry up, but even then Vash knew that every Plant on this planet was well over 200 years old. He knew that Plants lived much, much longer than humans.

Vash was different from the dependent Plants, but maybe Vash wasn’t different in this.

Maybe Vash wasn’t going to die before the humans he’d come to consider family. They’d die decades, maybe centuries, before him.

“Vash!”

Vash flinched away from the sudden pressure on his shoulder, and his head whipped around to face Luida. He processed her outstretched hand and concerned expression the same instant he realized just how heavily he was breathing. 

Vash took a deep breath and forced a smile. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Luida’s concern remained, though she lowered her hand and smiled back at him. “That’s alright, Vash. But why did you ask how long it’s been? Is there something bothering you?”

Vash didn’t bother to hide his frown, and looked back down the hall. If his suspicions were correct, Vash could be around for decades, centuries beyond any human’s natural lifespan. He loved his sisters, but he couldn’t connect with them the same way he could connect with humans, he was too Independent for that, and Kni…

Kni wanted to destroy humanity, and Vash just couldn’t go along with that. Life was precious, human and Plant. No one had the right to determine who should live or die. Kni however, clearly disagreed. Kni caused the ships to crash, mercilessly killed the humans he considered a plague, and while Vash hadn’t caught him in the act, he had heard of Plants going missing from some developing towns shortly before he arrived to help his sisters who were in pain, dooming the towns to deterioration. Bodies sliced to pieces were left in the kidnapper’s wake, and Vash couldn’t think of anyone other than Kni who would do something like that. Kni was the only living being on this planet who could perfectly relate to Vash, but also he couldn’t relate at all.

Vash had taken some degree of solace in his connections to humanity, but in time, the people he loved would be gone. He had already lost Rem, and it had nearly torn him apart. How could he possibly handle centuries worth of this?

“Vash, please,” Luida’s voice cut through his thoughts and Vash snapped back to reality. She had moved to stand in front of Vash, both hands placed firmly on his shoulders. He wondered when she had done that. “Please, let me help you.”

It was then that Vash noticed he was crying. Blinking furiously, he hastily scrubbed the moisture from his face and broke eye contact with the older woman.

“Vash, please tell me what’s wrong,” Luida insisted, her voice brimming with worry.

Vash took a deep breath. “I don’t think…I don’t think I’m aging at all anymore.”

Luida’s eyes widened in realization, and the pressure from her hands on Vash’s shoulders let up slightly. “Oh.”

Without thinking, Vash found his hands curling over hers, the added pressure on his shoulders anchoring him and his thoughts. He returned her gaze and took a shuddering breath as his train of thought threatened to spiral into worst case scenarios, centuries into a lonely, empty future.

“What if I have the lifespan of a dependent Plant?” Vash whispered, and he felt the burn of tears behind his eyes start up again. “I don’t want to die early, but I can’t…I don’t know if I can handle outliving anyone else.”

He didn’t have to mention who he’d already lost for Luida to understand. The crew of the former Ship 3 may have survived The Fall, but she’d had a knack for empathizing with others as long as Vash had known her, and Luida was well aware of how much Rem meant to the Independent. She had seen just how badly it had shattered him, and had eventually helped him pick up the pieces.

Melancholy moved over the older woman’s face, though it wasn’t long before it was accompanied by resolve. “I have been considering making use of cryosleep, partly because it would allow me to work on my projects with the flora over a longer scope of time without having to worry about dying of old age before they can grow. If I did, I would leave instructions for the others to wake me up if I’m asleep when you come by. While I can’t speak for Brad, I’d be surprised if he wasn’t willing to do the same. It would have its limits, but do you think that would help?”

Vash stared at her, eyes wide as he processed Luida’s words. “You would do that?”

Luida smiled. “I suggested it, didn’t I?”

Then her grip on Vash loosened. Vash instinctively leaned forward, chasing the touch as her hands pulled away, but he didn’t have time to second guess his body’s movement as he quickly found himself pulled into a firm hug. After a brief pause, Vash slowly, but tightly wrapped his arms around Luida in return, bending down slightly to bury his face in her hair as his tears fell and his breaths heaved into sobs.

“I’m sorry,” Vash gasped, though he couldn’t bring himself to let go of her. “I shouldn’t ask you to-”

“Vash, no,” Luida murmured, her voice soothing his fraying nerves as she held him tighter. “You don’t need to apologize for this.”

Vash disagreed. If Luida did use cryosleep to match his lifespan more closely, she’d just be joining him in leaving the people she knew behind if they didn’t do the same. She would outlive her friends. Her children. All for the sake of a broken Independent who couldn’t bear to be alone.

But Vash didn’t say any of that out loud. He couldn’t deny her that choice, just as he couldn’t deny the relief he felt because of it. So instead, Vash buried the guilt beside the rest, and let himself cry in Luida’s embrace.