#as the child of a teacher nothing irks me more than a bad teacher i suppose | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

saiqherrr · 3 years

Text

—days off (s. getou)

.pairing suguru getou x fem!reader

.content warning slight manga spoilers, smut, oral sex (f!&m! receiving), handjob, breeding kink, scratching, biting, unprotected sex, praising, fluff at the end

.synopsis getou has a day off from work with no emergency calls and he'd like to spend every second with you

.a/n OKAYYYYYYYY i love getou so much y'all have no clue. i love him so much & i miss him :grief: . anyways, i hope y'all enjoy this. i genuinely love this so much.

.wc 3.2k

YOUR FAVORITE TIME OF THE WEEK was when suguru had days off. you were never vexed about how much he worked. you knew he was happy with his job as a sorcerer. suguru never saw you as a housewife either, though. you did the cleaning (which you guys rarely ever needed to do) but suguru would come eager to cook for you and pamper you.

some days he filled in for satoru, gojo satoru. he was a teacher at jujutsu tech and sometimes had critical missions that only he could take care of. satoru’s students, megumi fushiguro, yuji itadori, and nobara kugisaki, had grown to love their occasional substitute just as much as they loved satoru. suguru would get back home from a difficult day and chatter endlessly about the students, and you loved hearing about them. fushiguro was socially off-kilter, most of the time he was irritated, especially with satoru’s child-like conduct. itadori was strong, determined, and sacrificial. he brought relief to tense situations with his consolation and humor. kugisaki was independent. she was strong-willed and focused. she was usually the one who kept the other boys in check, which irked fushiguro from time to time.

suguru cared about those kids tremendously, and you knew why. whenever he’d gush over them, excitedly telling you about the shenanigans they caused, you knew those kids opened up a wound for him, but at the same time, filled an empty void. suguru pictured riko amanai’s face in his mind every time he spoke of them. you recoiled now and then at whatever point suguru's face would clear out abruptly and his voice would trail off mid-sentence. it disheartened you, yet you realized he'd be alright and that is all that made a difference.

on suguru’s days off, sometimes it was hard to even spend time with him because he was often called in for emergencies. this leads to lamentable scenarios where you’d share dinner and he’d groan at the sound of his phone buzzing. he’d give you an apologetic look, kiss your temple, and hurry out the door.

suguru would feel incredibly guilty about it every time, but you were never bothered by it and you told him that repeatedly. regardless of the reassurance you gave him, he’d always reply with “i’ll make it up to you,” and he did every time in the best way possible.

while all these obstacles usually shortened your time with him, you were lucky enough to have an entire day with him and only him.

suguru woke up before you, placing a soft kiss before lifting the covers from off of his body and swinging his legs out, pushing himself out of bed. he did a couple of stretches, twisting himself from left and right repeatedly. his body was sore from exercising the previous day. once he was done, he sauntered around the bed, coming to your side to close the blinds. he knew you hated the way the sun’s light mischievously spilled through the cracked blinds and landed on your eyes.

suguru spun around and made his way to the bathroom. he grabbed his toothbrush in his right hand and the toothpaste in his left. after painting the small brush with a bit of the paste, he turned the water on to get it a bit moist. you jerked out of your sleep once you heard the faucet water running. the walls between your room and the bathroom were thin.

you had cotton mouth, slowly licking your stiff lips to separate them. the sound of suguru brushing his teeth could be heard. you lazily got out of bed, stretching your arms out while making straining noises. you carried yourself along, going into the bathroom to start brushing your teeth as well. by the time you started brushing, suguru was done and he did his final rinse before spitting.

“would you like to take a bath together?” suguru’s voice was laced with some type of magic. it always sounded smooth and fluid, always making you blush.

your eyes lazily analyzed him while the toothbrush stuck out of your mouth, toothpaste residue in the corner of your lips. you nodded and turned back to the sink to finish brushing.

suguru walked to the triangular tub that was connected to the wall and started getting the water prepped. you watched him from the reflection of the mirror, seeing every little defined detail in his back. he squeezed a bottle of soap into the tub, creating a mountain of bubbles that rose to the top.

when you were finished brushing your teeth, you went to retrieve two towels and a single loofah from the linen closet. suguru killed the water once it was high enough and began to wriggle out of his pajama pants and slid down his boxers. you removed your garments, putting them in the laundry basket, along with his pants and boxers. you stepped into the hot water slowly, getting accustomed to the temperature. it was perfect and promptly alleviating. suguru dimmed the lights before he got into the tub himself.

suguru laid back against the wall of the tub and pulled your body towards him. your back was now firmly pressed against his chest. his heart was breathing steadily, telling you that he was at peace with everything. you had no clue how much he cherished his time with you. nothing extravagant had to happen, he just needed you in his presence. in his space. you covered your breasts with bubbles and sunk into the water a little more.

you sighed happily, closing your eyes as suguru caressed in many places all over your body. he opened his mouth and spoke, his body vibrating against yours. “’ worked out yesterday. i think i overdid it, though.”

“you’re sore?” you ask, creating little circles in the tub with your finger. suguru hummed an mhm. “why didn’t you say anything? i would’ve given you a massage.”

“it’s fine, love...plus, i didn’t want to wake you.” his voice got lower.

you stifled the softest laugh. “you know i don’t care, sugu.” your head rested on his left shoulder and you turned it upwards to look at him. he had a small smile on his face as his irises met yours. “tell me next time, okay?”

suguru broke the eye contact and didn’t respond, sighing, his chest lifting up and down. “why don’t you come back to jujutsu tech?” he asks you.

the question was random and it made you crinkle your nose a bit. you chewed on your bottom lip and opened your legs more. “i can’t handle something like that...”

“what do you mean? you’re crazy strong-”

you cut him off. “i mean emotionally. i know that i can’t be the hero i want to be and not save everyone.”

suguru hummed in response, understanding. he felt bad for bringing it up. he reflected on his teenage days with you. he envied you for a while. you were almost like gojo - born with god-like abilities and being able to master them independently.

suguru went on to compare your feelings to itadori’s, who always felt like he had to help people first no matter what. then the conversation transitioned to what you’d have for lunch and dinner and so on. you both took a break to wash one another as well. you carefully washed his hair, too, making sure to massage his scalp and condition the ends of his hair. you played in the water together, splashing one another like children, enjoying one another's company without any interruptions.

at a certain point, the bubbles had disappeared and the water got cooler. you both got out of the tub, draining the water. your towel fell on the floor and you bent down to grab it when you felt one of your ass cheeks get slapped. you yelped, startled and bothered. you shot up immediately and saw a smug smile on suguru’s face.

you gave him a chastening look that quickly turned into an uncontrollable smile. “you’re so annoying.” suguru leaned down and kissed your lips. you felt your body heating up from being aroused by the simple kiss and suguru noticed. he wound his hand around your midriff, pulling you nearer to him. he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue inside your mouth. your nails ran delicately down his back as his hand was trailing the expanse of your lower back and thighs. your body was pressed against the towel he had around his waist, rubbing your leg against him in a desperate need to get release. suguru’s teeth had a small grip on your lip as he stared directly into your eyes. it bounced back into place as he broke the kiss. the friction against your thighs made your cunt pulse. suguru brought his hand underneath you, brushing it against your thighs, only heightening the lust that you couldn’t ignore. you looked up at his beautiful, pale face and pushed his raven strands of hair from out of his perfect, structured frame, sliding your hand down his long, damp hair. blood flushed his once ashen face as he absorbed in your touch.

you kissed his lips, then his cheek, then his ear, then his neck, and they trailed down the span of his torso. you gradually got onto your knees and took off his towel slowly. suguru was hiding his arousal. his shaft was radiating heat that you could feel from a few inches away. you gave it a few pumps, spreading his leaking pearls of pre-cum along his length. you felt a prominent vein running up alongside his shaft and examined his annular tip that was concealed a hazier pink than the remainder of his cock. you gave his pulsing head kitten licks as he began to pant. you flattened and rounded your tongue before taking him into your mouth, his length easily sliding into the fold you created for him.

suguru didn’t care if you could take it all or not, he wanted you to feel comfortable. you did whatever felt good to you, but would also feel good to him. as you bobbed your head up and down on his cock, milking him with your mouth, lewd clamors echoed throughout the bathroom. suguru’s quick pants and slurred cursing only ignited the fire that was settling in your heat. you needed him inside of you so bad and he could see your desires written all over your face.

“get up...” his voice was urgent but soft.

you slowly got up, saliva smeared across your lips. he hoisted you onto his waist and brought you back to the bedroom, gently placing you down onto the bed. a couple of strands of his hair fell into his face, swaying from side to side. he spread your legs and saw your pretty cunt drooling for something, anything. he pushed his hair back again and tied his hair with a convenient hair-tie from his wrist. he proceeded to lean down, lift your legs a bit, and placed them on his shoulders as he buried his face into your temple. he kissed your internal thighs benevolently, gnawing at them, making you jerk at the vibe of his teeth pulling at your skin. the tickle of his breath made you buck your hips upwards before suguru restrained you. your swollen clit was quickly covered by suguru’s mouth. he sucked on it hungrily before giving your wet core a slow drag of his tongue.

your legs tightened around him, your toes curled up from the overwhelming pleasure. salacious moans spilled from your mouth with your teeth clenched. you inhaled sharply, hissing from the wet sensations of getou making out with your cunt. feeling the vibration of your legs trembling, he stuck his tongue inside of your needy hole, repeatedly. he brought his lips back to your clit and two fingers filled your hole. his eyes flickered to the darkened spot on the sheets that were caused by your own slick.

“ ‘m gonna cum- fuck!” your walls fluttered around the long fingers that he pumped into you. a knot formed in your stomach and soon enough, you were cumming right onto his fingers.

suguru hummed against your sloppy pussy, a pleased smile on his face. he pushed you further in the middle of the bed, flipping you over so that you were laying on your stomach. he positioned himself behind you, smacking your ass numerous times, watching pink handprints form from the impact. your clit was extremely sensitive to any touch after you orgasmed so the friction of the sheets against your pearl made you squirm. suguru pulled you up by the hips and gripped it firmly. he took his stiff, patient cock and rubbed it against your folds, making you weak. you fell out of his grip and onto the bed, whimpering.

“you wanna take a break, princess?” suguru was just generous like that. the offer sounded nice, but the feeling of him inside of you sounded better. you shook your head ‘no’ as you pulled yourself up again. suguru chuckled watching you force yourself up. he positioned his shaft with your entrance and slowly pushed himself inside of you until you could feel his balls in between your thighs. he groaned from the feeling of your warmth pulsating against his cock.

“sugu...” you let out a dragged-out moan before he’s pumping himself inside of you with vigor. your lewd moans only fueled him, burying himself deep inside of you. he stretched your gummy walls as they milked his cock. each thrust triggered noisy pants that came from your mouth. with all the energy he was putting in, he was tiring himself out, hovering his body over yours. he kissed the back of your neck, his strokes steady as ever, and traveled down to your back.

“you feel good, princess?” he whispered. he puts a hand on your back, unnaturally making you arch.

“yes, suguru...” you murmured through your moans. the room was filled with a mixture of noises; the bed creaking from the rocking of suguru’s hips, the sound of skin clapping together over and over, your pants, his satisfied groans.

“you’re so fucking tight, baby,” he gushed. the praising. the praising really drove you insane. it wasn’t just some kink either, he loved you so much and he wanted you to know. “fuck...” you gripped onto the sheets as he rammed harder. he pulled you up with him, his cock never slipping out for a second, and held you against his chest as he continued to fuck the shit out of you. his hand rested on your core and he took his thumb and began rubbing his clit. “suguru!!”

your screams made his stroke stutter a bit. it gassed his head up to a different extent.

suguru suddenly stopped and pulled out, but you took no time to push him down on the bed and set yourself on his lap. you positioned yourself below his hot shaft and didn’t even take your time when sliding down. it was too sudden, even for suguru.

he shut his eyes tightly and clenched his face. “fuck, y/n!” suguru was never afraid to moan. he repeated your name over and over as you grinded your hips against his body. “such a good fucking girl...” you bounced up and down on his stiff cock and his leaking tip edged your g-spot. you placed your hands on his chest as he began to buck his hips upwards, hitting your g-spot with full force at the same pace as you.

“ah!” you cried out, feeling pure ecstasy. you swore you started to see stars, your body feeling lightheaded as you stopped moving. “sugu...” he noticed you were getting weak. he flipped you both over, pushing your legs back and bringing your hips up to hit at a deeper angle.

“you make me so proud, princess,” he moans in your ear as you wrap your arms around his body. his chest was pressed up against your breasts, damn near crushing you. your dug your nails into his back and dragged them down, causing suguru to curse out loudly. your foreheads touched each time he brought his hips back to you. missionary position was his favorite. he loved being able to see his face, eyes fluttering, mouth agape, and lewd expressions taking over. he loved being close to your lips this way. everything felt more passionate this way. he loved how he filled you up in this position. he loved making love to you. “fuck, i’m gonna cum.”

“cum in me, sugu, please!” you begged for him to bury his seed into you.

those pleas turned him feral. he grabbed a fistful of the sheets in both heads on either side of your head and rocked his entire body against you with quick and desperate thrusts. sweat rolled down the side of his head and the heat that you both created caused your thighs to get clammy. your lips crashed into each other, sharing a sloppy, passionate kiss. “i’m gonna make you a mommy,” he half-whispered, half-moaned against your lips.

“please...fuck a baby in me,” you beg once more. you felt your climax creeping up again.

“i’m close...” suguru’s strokes stutter for a moment and he slows down before slamming inside of you one last time to paint your walls white. your walls fluttered around him and you came yourself, wailing so loudly that your neighbors could’ve heard. your vision went white before it faded slowly and you breathed heavily.

both you and suguru were left panting like dogs. he let his cock stay inside of your warmth as he leaned over you still. you looked into his dark eyes weakly, blinking slowly as you felt drowsiness taking over you due to your release. a couple of strands of hair came loose from suguru’s ponytail and they fell in front of his face. you used your finger to tuck them behind his ear. he kissed you, but it was so lazy. nothing more than a brush against your lips before he collapsed on you. you giggled at how tired he was. he fucked you stupid and he was mentally patting himself on the back. he collapsed on the bed beside you and he watched your eyelids fight the sleep that would inevitably come over you.

suguru made breakfast as you slept. he served it to you in bed, giving you an oversized t-shirt to put on. he turned on the tv for you and got in bed with you to eat his food. you made yourself comfortable, putting your legs over his, laying your head against the headboard.

“we made a big kid decision today, sugu,” you cooed. suguru smiled at you and shook his head as he blushed like a teenage boy. “are you ready?”

suguru sighed heavily and rubbed your stomach. “of course, i am.” the thought of you with a growing belly warmed suguru’s soft heart. “you’re gonna be such a pretty mommy.” you giggled and rolled your eyes as your teeth clinked against the fork as you ate your eggs. “i’ll try to be home more.”

you groaned. “sugu, don’t ditch work just because you wanna be here more. you’re here enough for me. i never hold anything against you. we had an amazing day together, okay?” you gave him reassuring eyes, but you knew he was going to feel guilty regardless. “i love you.”

“i love you most...” he adverted his eyes back to the tv, a hint of sadness on his face. he was going to be okay, and that’s all that mattered to you.

#jujutsu kaisen getou #getou x reader #getou suguru imagines #getou suguru x reader #jjk suguru #suguru geto #getou x you #getou suguru smut #suguru getou fanfic #jjk smut #jjk x reader #jjk imagines #jjk x you #jjk #jjk fanfic #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader

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moonlit-imagines · 4 years

Text

Misbehavior (Part 1)

Jason Todd x batkid!reader

warnings:

a/n: tysm anon!!

prompt: anonymous: “Hello Lacey! Hope your doing great! Could I please request a bat family x batsis!reader where the reader is Kind of the middle child (I was thinking older than Damian but younger than Tim) and she’s always forgotten and in the back. Maybe some scenarios can be that no one listens when she talks or they forget to invite her to do stuff. So then one day she acts up in school like maybe punching someone for no good reason because she’s craving attention but instead of Bruce showing up to get her Jason shows up and he sees that she’s actually really sad and starts to question her until she tells him everything and maybe spills some tears and it ends with just Jason comforting her and cheering her up. Just some soft Jason for my soul! Also have a great day and I hope that you feel better and more motivated now after your break! 😘”

part 2

No matter what you did, none of your deeds went unnoticed. Good or bad.

You always heard how Dick was so independent, the one everyone should use as an example.

You always heard how Barbara could do it all, she never failed to impress.

You always heard how Jason was reckless, someone who needed to get his act together.

You always heard how Tim was such a prodigy, he was one of a kind.

You always heard how Steph was so determined, she had such amazing goals.

You always heard that Cass was perfect, they’d never change a thing about her.

You always heard that Duke was so strong, he’d never give up no matter what stood in his way.

You always heard that Damian was dangerous, a kid that needed to be guided.

But what about you? What did they hear about you? Nothing. No one ever spoke of you, they didn’t have the time. It seemed as if you were just unimpressive, there wasn’t one thing that needed to be mentioned. Stuck in the middle of a bunch of bats and birds, no way to stand out in the crowd.

Maybe not in a mask or a cowl, a dress or a suit, behind a computer or among the darkness, but there was one place you couldn’t be ignored...

You sat at your desk, picking at old tape with the tip of your fingernail. The teacher had nothing interesting to say, so what was the point of being here? What made Gotham Academy so special that you just had to attend this place?

The uniform was overkill, the classes went nowhere, the students were too preppy, and you didn’t have a single thing in common with anyone here.

Anger was starting to bubble inside you as you continued your internal self-loathing. Your mind was only focused on the negative, but it was shifting from school back to home.

No one was ever there for you, not even on patrol. You’d called for backup several times on missions and nearly lost it all when you had to go in alone. If it were anyone else, a teammate would have met them in a heartbeat.

Your plans were always overshadowed whenever you tried to set up a mission or even just a day off. You wanted cookies? Too bad, Tim wants brownies. You wanted to watch a movie? Too bad, everyone chose a TV show. It was the little things that irked you the most. Half the time, you never even got the memo.

And what about when you all come back from patrol with all sorts of injuries and Alfred comes to patch you up? Well, not you. He’ll run to check on cuts and scrapes. Meanwhile, you had a broken wrist and a black eye.

You’d finally run out of things to pick at around your desk which resorted in you tapping instead. There was a brief bit of zoning out as you remembered the time that Damian’s plan for evading Killer Croc’s attack was to push you in the way. Or the time that Jason hid his guns in your bed for reasons he didn’t care to explain. Or when Dick drank the last of the milk and didn’t tell you until after you poured your cereal. Or when Tim told you that you weren’t fit for the mission he had been planning. Or when Bruce blatantly ignored the story you told out of pure excitement, giving you nothing but a “sounds like you had fun.”

While you were in a horrible daze, you felt a hand on your shoulder that snapped you out of it faster than the Barry Allen. Without even evaluating the situation, your reflexes caused you to turn and twist your classmates arm backwards as he screamed.

“Hey! Stop, ow, that hurts! Stop! Stop it!” You processed his words too late and knew exactly what was coming next.

“Y/N L/N!” You teacher shouted as you drew your hand back. “Dean’s office. Right now.” Her sharp voice sent a chill down your spine, not even the Joker could do that. You’d be able to explain the situation pretty easily, you just didn’t want to make it worse. But there was one ankle that sent you off the edge. Another student tripped you on your way through the aisles, and that student caught a fist to the face. The audience gasped and shouting from your teacher ensued, but you didn’t listen, you’d take the punishment at this point. So you walked right out and headed for the dean’s office without so much as a hall pass.

“Mx. l/n? What’s this about?” Dean Williams was surprised to say the least, you’d never been sent in for discipline before. Was there a certain way to do this?

“Well, I zoned out and some kid behind me grabbed my shoulder, I accidentally twisted his arm.” You retold your story, the abridged version. “But on my way out I punched a kid in the face because he tripped me. That one’s on me.”

“...Well,” the dean frowned at his obligations, but had to go through with some kind of punishment, “I’m going to have to suspend you for physical contact with a student. I’ll call your father to come pick you up.” You shrugged and slouched back in your chair, giving up on any hope of talking your way out of this. It might as well just happen. You listened to the clicking of the buttons on the dean’s phone as he typed in the Wayne Manor phone number, obviously reaching Alfred almost immediately.

“Wayne Manor.” You eard his faint voice through the speaker.

“Hello, this is Dean Williams from Gotham Academy, may I speak to Mr. Wayne? I have his child in my office.” Your dean explained over the phone, peeking back at your for a split second. You were completely unbothered, it was baffling.

“Is it Damian?” You heard him ask, causing an involuntary eye roll.

“Y/N, actually.” There was a long pause before someone else picked up the phone. “Mr. Wayne, this is Dean Williams at Gotham Academy. I have y/n sitting across from me right now, they seemed to have gotten themself into a physical altercation with two separate students, I have no choice but to suspend them.” You heard a deep sigh over the phone, then the handheld piece was handed to you.

“Bruce?” You asked.

“Really? Fighting at school?” He sounded unimpressed. Nothing new, even when you do something new.

“Something like that. Whoops.” He hung up on you right after that, so you handed the phone back and told your dean, “Guess they’ll get me soon.”

“You call your father by his first name?” Dean Williams had nosily questioned.

“I’m adopted.” He obviously didn’t know you as well as your more troublesome sibling, it was time he just minded his business.

After a good thirty minutes of silent waiting while listening to keyboard clacking and papers flipping by the front desk, the office door opened, and to your surprise, it was one of your brothers.

“I’m here for y/n.” He mumbled, signing the piece of paper and showing his ID.

“Alright, Mr. Harper, I just have to check some paperwork really quick...” The receptionist went into your file and checked for your emergency contacts. “You’re all set. Now, y/n has been suspended for two weeks. I suggest you get to the bottom of their little ‘outburst’ before they’re able to come back to school.” It actually pissed Jason off to hear her say that.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” His sarcasm wasn’t subtle. “Come on, kid.” Your brother gripped your arm and led you out of the office, noticing your bitter expression that he couldn’t even rationalize. Was that normal? “So what happened. Bruce just told me to come get you.”

“Of course he did.” You rolled your eyes on the brink of tears, he didn’t even come to get you himself. Jason opened the car door for you and nudged you inside, slamming it once you were clear.

“You better have a good reason,” he warned as he started the engine, “I was in the middle of a poker game.”

“Oh, yeah, ‘cause I’m such an inconvenience.” You were starting to remind him of himself. That was never a good thing.

“Okay, my bad. I didn’t mean it like that.” Jason began speeding down the block, you’d never once seen him obey a speed limit. You’d think someone with a fake ID and a death certificate would want to avoid any run-ins with the cops, but Gotham was just one of those cities.

“Yeah, right.” You reached for the radio knobs and felt Jason’s hand wrap around your wrist.

“No music until you explain yourself.” You fell back into your seat to pout, muttering some curses under your breath. “I won’t tell Bruce or anyone. I swear.”

“I just zoned out. Reflexes.” You bluntly replied.

“What?” He still didn’t have any context to go off of.

“I twisted someone’s arm backwards. Honest mistake.” Jason knew there was more to this story. “But on my way out of the classroom, I punched this kid who tried to trip me. That was on him.”

“As much as I condone payback, you can’t do that at school.” He sighed. “You’ve never been sent home before. That I know of. So why now?”

“Yeah, you know, maybe that’s the issue? You couldn’t tell me if I’ve ever gotten in trouble before. None of you could. You couldn’t tell me a definitive thing about me. When’s my birthday, Jason?” He was at a loss for words. “That’s what I thought.”

“So this was all for attention?” Jason asked. “There’s a hell of a lot of better ways to go about that.”

“Tried them all, this one barely even worked.” You replied with a crack in your voice. “How come none of you care about me? Why am I always looked over? I’m just like the rest of you. I put on that stupid suit every night and kick ass, I get my job done, I get good grades, I’m resourceful, I’m special—” You’d let that last one slip in your rant to your older brother, it shocked him so bad he stopped the car.

“I know what you mean.” Jason stared straight ahead at the empty road. “I felt the same way when I came back. After everyone was used to me being back, it was like nothing ever happened. Bruce just went back to calling me careless, irresponsible.”

“At least you get noticed, Jason. Your identifiable.” You turned to him with a pained look and he risked his confidence to look you in the eye. Once he did, he couldn’t look away. It hurt him to see someone so familiar to himself have tears running down their face because they felt forgotten. No kid should ever have to feel like that. That was why Bruce took him in. That was how Jason became Robin.

“Fuck this.” Jason hit the gas and turned the car around. “We’re getting ice cream. Do you like ice cream? That’s a serious question.”

“I...I guess.” You were somewhat confused by his sudden literal change in direction.

“Good. You’re my kid for today, all my attention goes to you. I’m sure Bruce won’t notice if you’re gone for a few hours.” Jason’s jaw dropped at his last comment. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, you’re right and you should say it.”

taglist: @thatwaspossession // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @kinoko-kai //

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chosonore · 3 years

Text

part three | epiphany

epiphany [noun. a moment when you suddenly feel that you understand, or suddenly become conscious of, something that is very important to you ]

pairing: kamo noritoshi/f!reader

summary: your relationship with noritoshi was like a game of cat and mouse; no matter how hard you tried to escape from him, he would always find his way back to you.

wordcount: 9.1k

content/warnings: friends to enemies to lovers, language, angst, smut!!!!, dom!noritoshi, noritoshi is mean, oral sex, fingering, begging, edging, biting? (he gives u a bite like once), dry humping, riding, lowercase intended [UNEDITED]

a/n: i... will not comment on this. lmfao i can’t believe i wrote all of this filth. please have mercy on me, this is the first time i’ve every written smut and i’m not really good at it fhuewhiu (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) i think this is the angstiest chapter by far but i promise, no more from the next chapter on! i hope you enjoy (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ will also add the series playlist to the masterpost so check it out if you wanna!

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noritoshi watched as you angrily stormed out of the room, slamming the door forcefully. he leaned back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. now you've gone and done it. the words came out harsh and hurtful, force of habit deeply engraved into his brain. never was it his intention to hurt you so deeply, to push you away. but it was the only way to protect you from his family. noritoshi was well aware that he was a mere pawn in the stupid game that the clans were playing. he was the golden child, only accepted into the family because of his cursed technique. the cruelty he experienced was something he would never forget. he seeked revenge, for his mother and himself. but this was his own problem to handle, not wanting to drag his mother or you into this mess.

for years, noritoshi had suffered quietly, his only motivation being the protection of his mother and you. rarely did he ever show any emotion, nor did he know many to begin with - but he knew he loved you. his suppressed adoration brought out ugly facettes of his personality: jealousy, frustration, anger. if his family ever caught wind of how much he loved and cherished you, it'd be the end for the both of you. he didn't doubt that they'd already arranged a partner for him to marry. noritoshi hated how they held onto traditions that had no place in this time any more. how they still engaged in these petty clan fights when now it was most crucial to stick together. he swore to himself, as soon as he would become clan head, everything was going to change. but until then, he had to get through this.

how much longer he could deal with this, he wasn't sure. it did bother him that you got so much attention from everyone else; it irked him even more to see that you flirted back sometimes, completely unaware of the effect you had on them. his heart yearned to be yours. as much as he didn't want to be selfish, he couldn't help but indulge. noritoshi still felt your lips on his, your smooth skin, how pliable you were in his arms and how you gave in, into him. was it unfair of him? he supposed so. if he ever got the chance to explain the entire issue to you, he would have to beg for your forgiveness, undoubtedly.

summer rolled around faster than you’d anticipated - it meant that you could finally get some room to breathe and just do nothing for a while. the third years had graduated a week prior, making you feel a little sad and wistful. you’d miss todo a lot now that he left the school but made him promise that he would drop by whenever possible. noritoshi however- you hadn’t spoken a word to him ever since that incident. it was frosty between the two of you, even the teachers had noticed and tried to not let you close to each other. while you hadn’t thought about him in a while, sometimes the thoughts were creeping up on you. some type of closure would have left you feel more at ease but having talked to your mum about the issue, it helped you move on. regardless of how he had made you feel, you would live your life for yourself now.

summer break was long and you didn’t have anything in particular planned - the two main events were your summer vacation with miwa as well as your training camp at tokyo tech. the spring tournament also had its good sides, you guessed, you were able to ask shoko and gojo to teach you over the summer. having witnessed shoko’s healing abilities first hand, you were hellbent to become as good as her. never again would you feel anxious and useless about your skills, you would become an excellent on field healer. you were looking forward to spending time with everyone there as well, especially since yuta was coming home for the summer break. you couldn’t shake the little crush you had on him, it creeped up on you whenever you talked on the phone or texted each other. subconsciously, you hoped that something would bloom out of it but hope was a fickle thing that could quickly turn into misery.

before you left for tokyo, you decided to visit your parents at the kamo estate, hoping that you wouldn’t run into noritoshi on your way there. as far as you knew, he was busy on missions, rarely ever coming home. you greeted the guard at the front entrance, making your way to your family’s little house near the outskirts of the estate. despite the uncomfortable atmosphere that was surrounding the entire estate, you still couldn’t help but fall in love with the gardens and sculptures over and over again. you couldn’t lie, growing up here was wonderful. deciding to make a little detour to the koi pond, you skipped towards the arch bridge. below you, the fish were happily swimming around, glimmering in all kinds of colours. you peered at them, leaning against the railing. as a child, you always liked to dip your feet into the water on hot summer days, promptly earning a disapproving glare from your mum. you always ignored her though, claiming that she couldn’t stop you from getting some kind of refreshment.

as you watched the koi and took in your surroundings, footsteps made you halt in your musings. one of the kamo elders must have gone on a stroll around the gardens; you whirled around to greet the person. your throat grew dry and constricted when you saw noritoshi walking towards you, looking so casual and carefree in his loosely tied yukata. should you greet him? after all, this place was his in some way. but your friendship (could you even call it friendship?) ended on a bad note, did you really owe it to him? neither of you made a sound until he stood next to you, leaning against the railing. you tried your best not to look at him and focused on the pond below you, staring so intensely that you thought you might have lasered some holes in the surface beneath you.

how much longer would you stand here? could you just leave? but then, wouldn’t it be even more awkward? not that you cared anyways. you hadn’t talked to each other in months. as you pushed away from the railing, noritoshi cleared his voice and turned his body towards you.

“y/n.”

you froze in your steps, looking at him like a deer in headlights. behind you, the wind was rustling up the leaves, adding to the tense and awkward atmosphere. you tried not to scream at him in frustration - it would only end up in yet another fight. yet, noritoshi looked strangely vulnerable in this state, seemingly not knowing what to say to you either. it appeared he simply spoke to you without considering how to further the conversation. he looked like he wanted to reach out to you but simply didn’t know how. you couldn’t fall for this - it had happened before.

“how have you been? i heard you’re going to tokyo tech for training,” he started after a moment of hesitation and gave you a wry smile. huh? you were confused. why was he asking you about this now? it was because of megumi and yuta, wasn’t it.

“it’s… it’s none of your business,” you said with a strained voice. even though you felt uncomfortable with his presence around you, you couldn’t take a step away from him. perhaps you were hoping for an explanation from his side. perhaps you were just relieved to see he was okay, after all the missions he’d already been sent on. “i don’t see how i owe you an answer after… everything that happened between us.”

noritoshi stayed silent, balling up his fists. “you’re right. i’m sorry,” he mumbled, hiding his hands in the sleeves of his yukata embarrassed. “i… i want to explain myself. at least as much as i can tell you and if you’re okay with it. can we move it somewhere more private? i don’t want any of the elders seeing us.”

you hesitated. on one hand, noritoshi sounded sincere but your history spoke for itself. and yet, you couldn’t bring yourself to deny him. like a moth to flames, you were always drawn to him. like the center of your universe, everything revolved around him. curiosity got the better of you, nodding before you could stop yourself. noritoshi let out a sigh in relief, stepping towards a more secluded area on the estate, one that you were very familiar with. as children, you used to spend time there a lot, hidden from your parents eyes and without any care in the world. the little corner was surrounded by tall cherry trees, adorned with smaller bushes and a little bench underneath the tree crowns. as noritoshi made his way there, he glanced behind him, making sure that you wouldn’t just leave him and vanish. true to your word, however, you trudged behind him and kept your distance. not once did you look him in the eyes, avoiding his gaze altogether. you were afraid it would make you weak in your resolve, walls crumbling and falling apart like paper mâché.

arriving at the bench, the two of you sat far apart, mirroring the distance between your hearts. you reminisced the old times, the memories making you queasy. whenever you spent time here as children, you would sit close to each other and read books together or just told each other stories. all that’s left was bitterness, heavy and suffocating on your tongue. “what is it that you wanted to tell me?” you questioned him, folding your hands on your lap. you were clenching your hands hard to keep them from trembling, not wanting to show him any weakness.

noritoshi was questioning his own resolve - he shouldn’t tell you anything, should’ve stayed away from you. the yearning was too strong; it was one of the few times he would ever get to see you again before being sent to yet another mission. noritoshi wanted to be selfish, to savour your presence until he was satisfied. maybe you would understand, at least a little bit. he didn’t expect you to forgive him, nor did he think you would let him crawl back into your space. but being close to you was enough.

“i know no amount of apologizing is going to make this better or even take the pain you’ve felt from my treatment but i want you to know that i’m really sorry. you didn’t deserve that whatsoever. i can’t tell you the exact reason why but- but i don’t want to leave you in the unknown any longer,” noritoshi recited his reasons so fast that you almost weren’t able to follow. with each word, your confusion visibly grew. but instead of feeling anger, as you should have, your heart grew heavier with disappointment. his confession was somewhat of closure but not quite. why couldn’t he tell you the reason? was it really so important? important enough to hurt you? you couldn’t understand and you didn’t want to.

“i don’t understand. why can’t you tell me? in case you didn’t realize yourself, this entire thing makes no sense. i don’t understand why you suddenly started hating me. we were close friends, we grew up together. are you telling me you never felt that way? that you weren’t and still aren’t able to trust me with this… reason? and why would you dump this onto me now? i would’ve been content not knowing anything at all,” you vented frustrated, sending him a glare. noritoshi was taken back by your outburst, gnawing at his bottom lip as he looked at you guiltily.

“i… fuck, i don’t know how to explain this without giving away too much, okay? i know it’s stupid but it’s complicated and i don’t want to drag you into this. i trust you, more than i trust anyone but this wasn’t… it wasn’t because i didn’t trust you,” noritoshi took a deep breath. “my entire goal was to protect you by keeping you away from me. and yeah, that was the only way.”

“but why-”

“now that i’ve left school, i’ll most likely be traveling a lot… i won’t be able to see you, let alone keep my eyes on you to make sure you’re okay. i just wanted to be fucking selfish for once, just needed to see you again. you don’t want to see me, i get it. i’ve been nothing but cruel to you and i don't expect you to ever forgive me. but i promise i'll make it up to you."

"noritoshi," you clenched your jaw, brows furrowed as you leaned over, jabbing your finger at his chest. "i don't want to play this game of cat and mouse with you. let's just stay away from each other, okay? nothing good comes out of it anyways. either you want me by your side or you don't, easy as that. you don't get to decide when to get back into my life just because you feel like it."

you just couldn't show him how hurt you were. whatever opening you would reveal, noritoshi would use it against you. he had always been and will always remain your weak point. you made peace with the fact that he was your first love but would probably not be your last. a dam broke inside you as you felt the warmth of his chest, memories flooding your senses. that day was long forgotten, exiled out of your memories until now. there was never a moment that allowed you to reflect on it. you couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to it and his confession had confirmed the suspicions. noritoshi wasn't the type to engage with people he strongly disliked, much less be intimate with them. there was more to it that he simply refused to disclose to you. you had to put an end to this endless circle - a clean cut until the two of you were ready to face each other again.

taking a deep breath, you withdrew your hand and clutched it to your chest. "this isn't going to work out the way it is. you keep pulling and pushing, without giving me an explanation and- and i'm tired of it. i'm tired of getting hurt. i used to like you a lot, i had a crush on you-"

"you what?" noritoshi visibly paled, unnoticeably inching closer to you. he never realized.

"-and i kept hoping that one day you would return the feelings. i'm a fool, for thinking we could ever get anywhere," you smiled bitterly, slowly getting up from the bench. "let's go back to being enemies, okay? pretend this never happened. it's obvious we need to grow as people, independently from each other. maybe it's good that we'll go separate ways… if fate wants it, we'll find back to each other. and hopefully by then, you'll have a good explanation."

conflicted, you didn’t take another step, staring down at him. he looked small and meek as he sat there with his usually broad frame hunched over and kept his eyes on the grass below him, fiddling with his fingers. as if sensing your gaze on him, noritoshi tilted his head to look at you. his mind was elsewhere, far far away. he didn't realize he was staring at you with blank eyes until you came closer and leaned down concerned. you were so close to him, he could almost feel your breath fanning across his skin. you liked him. noritoshi fucked up, majorly, and he felt like everything was slipping from his fingers. his carefully constructed walls, the mask he kept on at all times and the unwavering resolve to push through until he'd become the head of the clan, they all came crumbling down when you announced that you would leave for an indefinite amount of time.

"don't leave," the words came out like a whisper, barely audible in the chimes of the wind. your eyes widened ever so slightly at his words, heart clenching at the sight of such a vulerable noritoshi - a reflection of your 'toshi. he reached out to you, hesitantly glasping your hand in a weak grip. as if he was afraid, prepared even, that you would go anyways. "please," he pleaded a second later, intertwining your fingers with his. like the wings of a hummingbird, your heart was fastly beating at this display of intimacy. it made you feel warm and cold at the same time, filling you with dread and the looming fear of consequences.

but what would he do if his last source of hope would leave him? ever since his mum left, he sparsely had contact with her until the contact eventually ceased to be. never did she reach out to him or react to his attempts to rekindle the relationship. throughout his adolescent years he had lonely, the guilt gnawing at his conscience. if only he could be stronger, more resilient. stand up to the elders and stand tall and proud, being nobody else but him. you gave him hope, that he could someday return to you, even if it remained a simple friendship. a beacon of light would always be one as there was always light at the end of the tunnel. panic filled his head as he realized that you would abandon him and this time it would be final.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry," noritoshi mumbled in a begging tone and slowly drew you closer, until you stood between his legs. his face was basked in the evening light, accentuating all the features you liked about him. his kind, steel blue eyes that harboured depths of emotion and mystery like a restless ocean. his long hair that flowed with the wind, not being wrapped up in the bindings for once. the wisps of hair that framed his slim face. it was an unusual sight, making your heart clench in melancholy. he looked so innocent like this, the gentleness in his facial expressions more visible now. as if feeling your resolve slipping away, he took the opportunity to wrap his arms around your waist and pressed his face in your chest, exhaling shakily and slowly. you let him, gently petting his hair.

underneath his breath, noritoshi murmured something. his voice was muffled in the fabric, making it difficult to understand what he was saying. you made a confused sound, leaning down slightly to better listen to him. not expecting him to move as well, you suddenly found yourself face to face with him and much closer than before. "i love you," he breathed out, pressing his lips against yours in a fluid motion. they felt scalding against yours, as if reminding you to stay away and yet soft, inviting you back in. finally gasping for air, you pulled away, fingers coming up to touch your tingling lips. noritoshi gave you a hopeful look, fingers dancing across the expanse of your back.

slowly, you backed away from him, avoiding his glance. you were in shock, not being able to process his confession. the entire confrontation had quickly escalated and you weren't able to follow. though the words made your heart clench, you couldn't help but feel like they were empty words. empty, simply thrown into the mix to elicit some kind of reaction from you. "i'm sorry, noritoshi. i- i can't return this, nor do i… i don't feel like i can believe you," you told him with a heavy heart. he opened his mouth, about to retort something when you cut him off. "please just let us move on from this, okay? i- i'll leave now." you sprinted away from him, tears stinging in your eyes. how could words that you've always wanted to hear hurt this much? how dare he play with your emotions like this, using your weakness to his advantage. he wasn't serious, and you were sure of it. there was no way in hell, after all those years that he'd spent being a menacing asshole.

love was a fickle thing but what was it between noritoshi and you? treading the line between love and hate, tilting more towards the other but not quite. never far apart and connected to each other like an invisible thread of fate was intertwined between you. it wasn't love and it wasn't hate but everything in between.

you stared at the piece of paper in your hands, mildly offended. how dare gojo? why would he do this to you? yeah right, because he liked to see you suffer. and he wasn't even here to get an earful from you. clenching your teeth, you tossed the note on your table and moved towards your closet to pack. it was no use complaining about it, in the end the mission had to be accomplished either way. years you'd gotten away with rarely ever meeting noritoshi. the sorcerer community wasn't big to begin with but with skill and determination, you were able to dodge every encounter. the handful of times you met, he always kept his distance though you always felt his watching eyes on you. megumi had told you that noritoshi was to become clan head soon - the elders had finally given in and the handover would be taking place soon.

apparently noritoshi had proven himself to them, both in strength and leadership skills. even you had taken notice of this. you'd only caught a brief glimpse at him at the last gathering but could tell that he had matured, exuding an authoritative and strong aura. but you had grown as well, no longer the meek girl you had been. you were more confident in your skills now thanks to your diligent training with shoko and yuta. moments of insecurity rarely entered your mind anymore. the relationship, or rather lack thereof, between you was rather frosty now, merely limited to an awkward greeting or a simple nod. the tension was palpable, no one wanted to come in the line of fire. for the most part, people had left you alone and not dared asking about the issue, not even your own mum. but of course, gojo then had to enter and send you on this stupid mission that apparently had to be done in pairs. you would’ve been fine with anyone but noritoshi.

it was a rather unpleasant curse that you had to deal with, gojo told you that it required two people to keep it in check. though you didn’t understand his reasoning, seeing as noritoshi was a grade one sorcerer now. gojo had simply left you a note on your door after he left for his own business (pure cowardice, in your opinion). the note let you know that you would be staying overnight, gojo had already booked a hotel room for you and gave you instructions for the report that you had to fill out later. you were to meet up with noritoshi at the hotel before then heading out to investigate, work out a strategy before attacking. you sighed, tossing the bag near the door before crawling in your bed. how would you face him again, for an extended period of time, after all those years of silence? it was best to just get it over and done with, efficiently and quickly. depending on how fast you were, you might even be able to catch the last train home. you couldn’t sleep, feeling restless and anxious about the entire situation. still, you closed your eyes, trying to get your mind to rest. but all that floated around in your brain was the sound of rustling leaves, accompanied with soft lips on yours.

coincidentally, noritoshi was already in the city the curse was situated at, deciding to then check into the hotel first before you’d meet up. he would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous - he didn’t know how to navigate the entire mission with minimal communication. he knew you didn’t want to talk to him, choosing to give him curt and snappy responses instead. cooperating was out of question, you disliked his presence and he could feel it. seeing that gojo had coordinated this (instead of doing the mission himself, like he was supposed to), noritoshi didn't expect anything to go well. weeks prior, gojo had pestered him about the title that was bestowed upon him. "so what's your first deed as the kamo clan head?" he had questioned noritoshi, grinning from ear to ear. noritoshi had shrugged and simply told him that he would go about his day. there were no plans, not yet at least. "so you're not gonna go and woo your lady?" this all knowing idiot. just thinking about it made his blood boil again.

noritoshi’s patience was already wearing thin upon seeing that gojo had booked one room for the two of you. with one bed only. he swore that gojo's secret skill was to give everyone headaches. complaining was useless, the hotel couldn't give him another room as everything was booked out due to it being the summer holidays. they'd deal with it somehow, even if he would have to sleep on the floor. noritoshi was placing his bag and outerwear in the closet when the door clicked, signaling that you'd arrived. for a brief moment, your eyes met but as soon as they did, your eyes had flitted somewhere else. you placed your bag on a nearby chair, rummaging in it until you found your sword and other supplies that you would be taking with you.

noritoshi remained silent, not wanting to upset you. he waited until you were ready to go, soundlessly following you. it was awkward but expected. at first, he was somewhat able to tell what you were looking for and gave you pointers in the right direction. it seemed to irritate you and you started venturing off on your own, simply leaving him behind. it frustrated him, after all you had a job to be done and needed to be as careful as possible. as a result of your uncooperativeness, it took longer than usual to map out a strategy. even longer because you refused to follow his suggestions and rather made up your own, knowing full well that they weren't as efficient.

the aftermath was… rather unpleasant. while there were no casualties, the two of you looked absolutely filthy and were in need of a good shower. noritoshi was angry, he didn't want to blame you but the entire situation got incredibly messy because of your stubborn head. hadn't you attacked him on your own, he would've been able to get rid of the curse swiftly. you'd snapped at him, asking him what his problem was. after all, the mission was finished and over with. involuntarily, noritoshi had to snort. you came back to the hotel late, far past midnight and still, you had the nerve to nag on him the entire way there. he'd let you use the shower first before hopping in himself. without a word you left the hotel room to grab yourself some snacks, stomach growling in protest.

noritoshi was seldom petty; as he put his robe on and entered the room, discovering that you hadn't come back yet, he promptly decided to give you a taste of your own medicine and stubbornly take the bed. what would you do about it now? he was peacefully reading a book in the dim lighting of the room when you came back. you almost dropped the snacks that you grabbed, narrowing your eyes at him. noritoshi ignored you, turning another page in the book unbothered. huffing in annoyance, you stomped over to the other side of the bed. noritoshi continued to ignore you.

"i'm not sharing a bed with you," you stated, crossing your arms in defiance. you didn't have any other solution but you were not going down without a fight.

noritoshi just narrowed his eyes at you and replied equally annoyed: "childish much, huh? just put some pillows between us if it bothers you that much. we're adults, for fuck's sake. and we've shared beds before, so i don't know what your problem is."

at this point you were fuming, you'd rather sleep on the floor than go anywhere near him. you wanted to wipe that stupid look off his face because you knew he was right and he knew it too. you were being childish and you couldn't deny it. there was no real reason to the quarrel, you wanted to be as insufferable as possible.

"it's different now!" you hissed indignantly. noritoshi looks at you incredulously, not getting your point. "you're a man now and- and it makes me uncomfortable!"

truthfully, it was more the fact that you were painfully aware of his presence now. noritoshi hadn't noticed but your feelings came crashing back in, filling the entirety of your being with yearning. each and every time he came too close, you dashed and didn't give him the opportunity to look at your face. the pained expression on your face was obvious, you weren't able to hide it. despite the hostility, you couldn't help but care. no matter how much you denied it, you would always habour feelings for him and were very much attracted to him.

"that's why i told you to put pillows between us??"

okay, that's it. "i can't stand being anywhere near you! you're a prick and i hate you," you snarled at him. to seal the deal, you hurled one of the pillows at him and watched triumphantly as it hit his chest. the angry look in noritoshi's eyes, however, told you that you fucked up. gritting his teeth, he tossed his book aside and lunged to grab you. you squeaked in surprise and wiggled out of his grasp, wrestling out of his arms until you stumbled and awkwardly landed on the bed, beside him. noritoshi keeps a tight grip on you, glaring down at you. now you've really crossed the line.

all confidence left your body when he hissed: "what. is. your. problem." you fucked up, royally. once noritoshi was mad, you were in for a ride. it was best to keep him in good spirits, appease him a little so he would ease up. you scrambled panicky and tried to apologize, pathetically wiggling in his arms.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry! i didn't mean it, please let me go!"

noritoshi kept a steel grip on you, moving between your legs and pinning your hands to the mattress. his face inched closer, you could feel his breath fanning across your neck. you stayed still, breath hitched as you waited for his next move. noritoshi's voice was raspy, lilting with an emotion that you couldn't decipher. "you're being a brat, y/n. look at yourself, you've hurt me… tsk, how are you going to make it up to me?"

you couldn't tell whether he was joking or genuinely hurt - your intuition told you that he was simply playing with you as payback. no matter how far away you strayed, you always seemed to find yourself back in this position. he was hypnotizing, alluring even. not giving him a reply, you stared at the ceiling, frozen in thought. while you'd been intimate on more than one occasion, noritoshi had never acted this way. so… possessive and strict, the tone in his voice told you that he wasn't up for any more quarreling. you were at a loss for words.

noritoshi, not being happy with not receiving an answer, decided to take matters in his own hands. he nipped at your neck playfully, making you yelp in surprise before pressing kisses against your neck. your skin was tingling, shots of electricity moving up your spine. when there was no objection on your end, noritoshi took it was an okay to continue. hands squeezing yours, he resumes his work, giving you soft and almost unnoticeable kisses. other times, he was pressing harder, sucking your skin gently. you wondered whether he left some marks - delirious on pleasure, your mind focused back on him.desire overtook you, no longer was your rationality at the forefront. in the depths of your heart, an emotion that rarely made an appearance emerged. it was flooding your senses, your conscious and mind, begging you to give in.

by the time noritoshi reached your lips, you were writhing. you expected him to kiss you but then he stopped, making you involuntarily whimper. you wanted more, wanted to savour it. a small smile found its way onto his lips as he brushed your hair back and cupped your chin, making you look at him.

and you swore that he knew, he just had to know what a mess he's already made of you in such a short amount of time as he asked, "what's wrong hm? what do you need, baby?" you fell for it, hook line and sinker. you thought to yourself, fuck it, the opportunity was right there. he may be an insufferable dick and you might fight more than you get along but the opportunity was there and god, did you want to be selfish. for just one night, you wanted to be his. you leaned up to kiss him but noritoshi pulled back, clicking his tongue, repeating again and this time more firmly, "what do you need?"

you couldn't help but stare at him, how his slightly damp hair framed his face, his chest that was exposed by the loosely tied bathrobe and how it revealed parts of his thigh. you wanted to see more of him, touch him. there was a burning feeling inside your chest, it was clawing at your skin, trying to break free. you grew more restless as he stayed still and gave you a stern look until you grasped the hem of his sleeves and whimpered quietly, "please kiss me."

it felt like an eternity until he pressed his lips against yours, everything that was so unmistakably him flooded your senses. his scent wrapped around you until your brain couldn't make out any more coherent thoughts other than him. 'toshi, 'toshi, 'toshi, your 'toshi. he moved so languidly; his lips were warm and soft but bruising at the same time, kissing you with fervour. you began to ease into the kiss, letting go of all your inhibitions. you could worry about it later, you'd decided, this is a future you problem. you wiggled in his hold, hands coming up to push at his bathrobe. noritoshi didn't budge and continued to kiss you, sucking your bottom lip - your hands became more restless, desperate to touch him. he made an unenthused noise, biting your bottom lip as if warning you to not push him. still, he somehow obliged and sat back on his heels, taking his bathrobe off and throwing it haphazardly to the side.

he looked ethereal, somewhere in the distance you thought you can hear angels singing. you reached out to touch him again, earning you yet another warning glance from him. “where do you get the confidence to do whatever you want after that little stunt you pulled earlier?” he questioned you in a low voice. whatever snarky remark you had on your tongue was thrown out of the window when noritoshi leaned down to touch you, slowly pushing your oversized shirt up to reveal your shorts, then your bra.

your breath hitched in your throat, you couldn't tell what he was thinking because even in this state he kept his perfect poker face on. and when he undressed you, you almost felt embarrassed of how eager you were to rid yourself of your clothes. yet you felt exposed - noritoshi didn't make a sound as he just studied you as if you were a luxurious meal presented on a silver plate, the sound of his breathing alone making you squirmish. he didn't give you the satisfaction of a compliment nor did he let you know what he thought, instead leaning down to kiss you again.

before you could deepen the kiss, he’s already moved down to your neck. you mewled in disappointment, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your hands in his hair. this time, he let you touch him, too absorbed in his mission to paint the skin of your neck in hues of red and purple. noritoshi moved lower when he was finally satisfied with his work of art, you’re a great canvas, he thought to himself. the burning feeling in your chest was flaring up again, you felt uncomfortably hot and the only relief you got was him touching you. he must know, he was doing this on purpose. you were convinced. a surprised gasp left your lips when his tongue swiped across your nipple before wrapping his lips around it. his fingers flicked the other one and- oh god did it feel so electrifying, so delicious, so good. you moaned his name, gently tugging on his hair as he continued his ministrations. “noritoshi,” you whimpered, trying to grind against his thigh. “please- please touch me.” he moved faster than you could react, snapping the waistband of your panties against your skin.

“i am touching you,” noritoshi responded matter-of-factly, cupping your breasts. “is this not enough?” you shook your head, making him chuckle. he took his sweet time, lathering your chest with the utmost attention. at this point you were sure you’d soaked through your panties and onto the sheets and you were desperate. finally, his lips left your nipple, his breath grazing them, making you shiver. he seemed to enjoy it, enjoy the effect he has on you, how you were writhing for him and him only. with swift movements, he removed your panties and your legs were thrown over his shoulders - how are his shoulders so broad - and he pressed kisses to your inner thighs. “look at you,” he cooed, glancing up at you. “you’re so wet for me and i haven’t even touched you here yet. are you craving me?”

“yes,” you mewled truthfully, wiggling your hips slightly. you missed how his face lights up in delight, loving how you’re slowly but surely coming undone for him. he was placing kisses everywhere but where you wanted him, where you needed him. you were at his mercy, he alone decided the pace. the desperate little tugs at his hair left him unbothered, you couldn't even move properly because he was keeping a tight grip on your hips, holding them down onto the mattress. “do you want me?” you nodded quickly. “then beg.”

"i'm not- i'm not gonna fucking b-" you didn't get to finish your sentence as noritoshi gave your inner thigh a bite.

"language," he hissed in irritation. "we can do this all night, baby. i don't have any qualms about keeping you here, making you squirm until you know not to treat me like that." to emphasize his threat, his hands languidly stroked your inner thighs, inching closer to your heat. goosebumps raised across your skin. noritoshi paid no mind to your laboured breathing or how you stared at him in disbelief. you would not beg him more than this, this stupid asshole, who did he think he is to expect you to do as he says? as if sensing that your attention wasn't on him anymore, one of his hands reached up to pinch your nipple.

you felt his fingers grazing your pussy, flicking over your clit but not quite touching it. yet the pleasure, coupled with the sharp pain of his pinching, was enough to make you delirious. you moaned his name, hips rutting up slightly to meet his hand. noritoshi pulled away abruptly and made you whine in frustration. "noritoshi!" you whimpered again, closing your eyes in embarrassment. "please just- just touch m-"

you felt another, harder pinch, tingles shooting straight to your core. "look at me," noritoshi growled and you opened your eyes quickly, not wanting to disappoint him again.

"please touch me, please just… i need you, need your lips or fingers," you struggled to find the right words, huffing in frustration at your weak attempt to persuade him. "please make me cum, please. i'll be good for you, i promise, i promise. wanna be good for you."

a sardonic smile graced noritoshi's lips, your begging music to his ears. he almost wished you could see yourself like this - the yearning evident in your eyes, your glossy eyes. what would you say? how quickly your resolve had crumbled, even though you'd vowed to yourself to keep him at an arm's length away from you. what was more heavenly to his ears are your moans and he intended to draw every last bit out of you tonight.

when his tongue finally made contact with your cunt, a loud moan leaves your lips, you almost sob in relief. your thighs trembled slightly, threatening to close but noritoshi was quick to pry them open and delved deeper into your heat. he alternated between lapping at your folds, then dragging his tongue across your clit before giving it a suck. your hips rocked against his face, meeting his movements as if it was already second nature to them. you thought you were seeing stars when you inched closer to your climax. tugging at his hair you whimpered out his name, letting him know that you're close, so close. that's when he pulled away, smirking at you as your high slowly ebbed away. you made a noise in protest, brows pinching in frustration but noritoshi just cooed at you condescendingly.

"you seem to forget who's in control here," he tsked at you, dragging his thumb across your clit. your hips jerked. "but, baby, you look so pitiful, i might just feel sorry for you."

hope sparked in your eyes when he pressed a brief kiss to your lips before slipping his fingers past your folds, his thumb drawing circles on your clit. "ride my fingers," he commanded and you reacted immediately, eagerly rutting against his fingers. you missed the dark glint in his eyes, the look that tells you you were not easily let off the hook whatsoever. pleasure was clouding your judgement, heightening your sensitivity to his touch. a loud moan fell from your lips when noritoshi curled his fingers, hitting a spot that otherwise was difficult for you to reach. your hand came up to cover your mouth, too embarrassed about other guests possibly hearing you.

noritoshi withdrew his fingers, thumb pressing against your clit. you gasped desperately, pawing at his chest to plead him to continue. "i want to hear you. don't you dare hide your moans," he told you, only sliding his fingers back into you when you complied. noritoshi was still kneeling, watching as you moved your hips against his fingers with fascination. while you'd kept a steady rhythm at the beginning, it was getting more and more sporadic. you were close again, noritoshi could tell. and yet it wasn't enough, he had to get you closer to the edge to then break you after.

"o- oh fuck," you cursed, gripping the sheets tightly as noritoshi moved his fingers, repeatedly hitting the spot that made your toes curl. you were to close, you could cum, soon-

"noritoshi!" a frustrated sob resounded from you as he pulled away, looking down at you with a satisfied smirk. your hands came up to wipe the tears that were welling in your eyes. you bit your bottom lip to keep yourself from crying as you watched him pop his fingers in his mouth, licking your essence from them. the sight alone made you feel hot and bothered. in the dim light of the room, noritoshi looked downright sinful. the way his broad frame was casting a shadow over your form, his glistening eyes, the sheen of sweat on his body and how his hair was hanging in his face.

"please let me cum, please! i- i want you so bad, want you in me… noritoshi, please give me it," you begged quietly, crawling towards him. noritoshi felt his heart soften at your cute face - you were so easy to read, he enjoyed teasing you. small hands reached out for the bulge in his boxers, experimentally pressing and nudging at it. noritoshi hissed uncomfortably; he was painfully hard and ready to cum as well but he couldn't, not yet. wanted to play with you more, mapping out the entirety of your body until he memorized how you reacted to his touch.

swiftly flipping positions, he pulled you on top of him, placing you directly above his crotch. you sank down immediately, sighing shakily as you pressed your cunt against the bulge. the boxers had to come off, they were the last barrier. you had to feel his skin on yours, wanted to be closer. noritoshi's hands shot out to stop you, giving you a warning look. you understood, withdrawing your arms to rest on your sides. pressing his bulge against you, he guided your hips to move against it, folds dragging across the fabric of his boxers. the friction was delicious, especially when he rutted against you, pressing against your clit. it took you a few tries until you figured out a comfortable rhythm, placing your hands against his chest as you moved on your own.

noritoshi kept his eyes on you. brushing your hair out of your face so he could get a better look at you, he then rested them near your thighs. "are you close?" he inquired when your movements became quicker and you nodded in reply, giving him a pleading look. he raised his eyebrows at you, shaking his head ever so slightly. "you don't get to cum without my permission."

he could see the conflict and hesitation, dancing in your eyes, how you were contemplating to go against his commands. noritoshi's heart filled with pride when you slowed down, thighs trembling from the restraint you kept on yourself. "good girl," he rewarded you, leaning up to kiss you. you whimpered against his lips, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer. you were a sight to behold, noritoshi mused. slick spread across the fabric of his boxers and your thighs, kiss-bruised lips and the love bites that were blooming across your chest. he was proud to be able to have this effect on you.

it didn't take long until you were close again, this time begging and pleading him to let you continue. noritoshi supposed he toyed around enough, ready to give you what you were so desperately craving. lifting you up slightly, he pushed his boxers down and reached to the side, fumbling with the drawers of the night table before being able to pull out a condom. you watched in curiosity, as he put it on then lined his member up against your pussy. he dragged the head of his cock against your clit a couple of times, making you jump in surprise before letting you sink down. a long, relieved moan left your lips as you felt him fill you up to the brim. you'd never felt this full and good. jerking your hips against his slightly, your legs trembled as he perfectly hit that spot inside you effortlessly. his name fell from your lips like a mantra, letting everyone know that he was the one pleasuring you.

noritoshi let you adjust to him before wrapping his arms around you to keep you in place, driving his hips up against yours in an almost punishing tempo. your lips parted in a silent scream, no sounds leaving them other than heavy breaths. "f- fuck, noritoshi! i'm so close, please let me have it, please-" you begged sobbing. you didn't think you could survive another edging, it would utterly crush you. knowing that you were at his mercy, you complied with his orders. never had you felt this much pleasure, with anyone. noritoshi accomplished what others could never - setting your nerves ablaze with a simple touch.

"cum for me." your orgasm washed over you like a tsunami, leaving you writhing in his arms until you rode it out. noritoshi continued to move against you in a languid tempo, lovingly pressing kisses across your face. you slumped against his body exhausted, aftershocks still wracking through your body. he stroke your back gently, giving you a short kiss. "can you take another one?" he asked, making you look at him. though your mind was hazy, you could tell that he was caring, wanting to make you feel as comfortable as possible despite his mean side. you nodded, your words slurred as you told him: "mhmm, still want you, all of you."

noritoshi was laying you on the mattress, freezing mid-way as he hovered above you. could it be? there was no way. he brushed the thought off quickly, leaning down to kiss you. you sloppily returned the kiss, blindly moving your hands around until you found his, intertwining them happily. swiftly, he entered you again - now taking his sweet time. the pace was slow but filled with force, making you see stars. you wrapped your legs around his waist, heels digging into his skin. you blinked in confusion as noritoshi whispered sweet nothings into your ear. tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at him - you wanted him, so so much that it hurt you. you imagined you weren't in this situation, that this was simply intimacy between lovers. that you were his and he was yours, with no care in the world.

driving his hips against yours faster now, you could tell that he was close. lifting your hips to meet his movement, you whimpered against his lips. you wanted to pleasure him as much as he did you. the sight of his screwed shut eyes, panting heavily as he came, it nearly knocked the wind out of your lungs. noritoshi buried his face in the crook of your neck, whimpering quietly as he thrusted a few more times before coming to a halt. for a few minutes, you remain in this position, basking in the afterglow. he removes himself from you, telling you to stay put as he left to get some wet towels from the bathroom. as you laid there, your cunt wasn't the only thing that felt empty.

your eyes were glossing over and you were once again reminded of the fact that you couldn't have him. that he’s not your ‘toshi. you sat up slowly, spotting the mirror across the room. you stared at your reflection in your mirror, horrified at all the marks noritoshi had left behind and suddenly it dawned on you that you don’t understand why. you didn't care about each other - why would he mark you like this? your heartbeat sped up at the thought of him possibly, maybe, returning your feelings. that he wasn't just toying with your feelings to get back at you.

noritoshi returned, giving you a small smile as he signaled you to lift your arms a little so he could wipe you down. the gentleness in his actions made you sniffle emotionally; he paid attention to every single detail, making sure not to miss a spot. once done, he placed the towel on the nearby chair then returning to wrap you in the blankets and cradling you against his chest like a baby. the sound of his breath nearly lulled you into sleep. you leaned against his chest, sinking into the blankets. "are you okay? was i too rough?" noritoshi asked after a moment of silence. you didn't reply. why was he acting like this? as if you were a couple, as if he really cared.

"y/n? you don't have to reply, but at least give me a hand sign, so i know you're okay," he repeated again, looking at you with furrowed eyebrows. you turned your head away from him, trying to hide your tears. it wasn't long before you started crying uncontrollably, hiding your face in your hands. noritoshi started panicking, fussing over you and tried to pry your hands away so you would look at him. repeatedly shaking your head, you pushed him away from you.

"w- why couldn't you always be this gentle to me?" the words finally left your mouth, accusatory. "i- i didn't deserve any of this treatment and i still struggle to understand why it happened. i should hate you, hate you so much and yet i don't? why can't you love me the way i love you?"

speechless, noritoshi pulled away from you, arms sinking to his sides. it made you sob even harder, thinking that he was going to leave you again, like he always did. he never stayed, only came to wreck havoc, leaving you to pick up the pieces. "y/n, i'm sorry, i-" he drew you in, pressing you against his chest. you were confused at your own outbreak of emotions, not sure how to calm down. "i'm not sure what you thought, but i meant it when i told you that i love you, all those years back," noritoshi mumbled, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

you shook your head vehemently. "i don't believe that, not for one second. you've hurt me for so long and suddenly you had a change of heart?"

"i know it's hard to believe, but i promise i'm not lying. i do love you. with all my heart," noritoshi lifted your chin slightly, wiping the tears from your eyes. gently, he kissed you. "back then, i wasn't able to tell you but… things have changed now and i'll tell you, okay? but not now, tomorrow-"

"no! you'll just leave again and act like nothing happened and i-" you panicked, clinging onto him as dread washed over you again. he was going to leave again, the mission was over after all and you'd go separate ways again.

"i'm staying." noritoshi said firmly, holding your hands so you couldn't flail around anymore. "i'm not leaving you, okay? go to sleep, i know you're exhausted… when you wake up, i'll be there. we'll discuss things in the morning."

"promise?"

"i promise."

you didn't know why but this time, you trusted him. at least a little bit more than before. nodding slightly, you pressed your small frame against his. noritoshi's calming scent wrapped around you, lulling you into sleep. he watched as you fell asleep in his arms, pressing a kiss to your forehead before he settled as well, closing his eyes.

"i love you, y/n."

p.s.: i hurt myself writing this too haha but i swear this was it with the angst

#jujutsu kaisen #noritoshi kamo #kamo noritoshi #noritoshi #noritoshi x reader #noritoshi kamo x reader #kamo noritoshi x reader #noritoshi kamo x you #noritoshi x you #kamo noritoshi x you #noritoshi kamo imagines #kamo noritoshi imagines #noritoshi imagines #jujutsu kaisen imagines #fic: sanguine #writing

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bbangsoonie · 3 years

Text

find me in your memory

member: sangyeon genre: angst word count: 10,200 synopsis: when you return to korea in hopes of recovering your lost memories, one of your new housemates seems oddly familiar. warning(s): inaccurate depiction of amnesia

Prologue:

You had locked yourself in a bathroom stall to run away from everyone’s obvious trying-not-to-stare glances. Your hand clenched around your phone as you stared at the top trending news article. Your father had officially announced his plans to advance his political career and alongside his name were the names of the rest of your family. Your mother, a renown actress. Your brother, a retired swimmer and a rising musician. And you, a rookie model who already walked in various fashion shows.

You were annoyed that your father chose today of all days to release the news. Today was White Day, meaning that boys were throwing you sweets left and right. You hated the extra attention and hated that you had to maintain elegance through it all. It was already bad enough that tonight was some fancy party your father arranged for the purpose of publicity and networking. You would be hiding under a mask all day and night now.

You sighed at the sound of the bell ringing to notify the students that lunch time was over. You dragged yourself out of the bathroom and braced yourself before you returned to your classroom.

People had already whispered about you in the hallways but your classroom erupted into full blown gossip. You heard guys discussing the news and girls expressing their jealousy.

“I guess the princess might actually become a princess now.” one girl said rather loudly. “Look at her. Pretending not to hear all of us. She must think we’re too lowly to even converse with.”

Her friend’s eyes widened at her bold outburst and tried to shush her.

“What? I’m not saying anything that isn’t true.” the girl freed herself from her friend’s grasp and blatantly stood in front of your desk. “Tell me, Y/n, am I wrong?”

You looked up to meet her eyes with a neutral expression. You wanted nothing more than to grab the opportunity to pick a fight with her. But you knew you would face repercussions with your parents so all you could do was force a small smile.

Before the girl could say something more, your homeroom teacher entered the room. Everyone quickly dispersed and found their seats.

“Y/n? Your father’s secretary is here to pick you up. You’ll be leaving school early today.” he said.

The statement prompted more hushed whispers as your classmates speculated the reason why you were being pulled out of class. Without a word, you grabbed your backpack and left. The secretary led you out of the building and into a black car.

You pulled out your phone and earbuds to accompany you for the ride. Closing your eyes, you rested your head on the window and increased the volume of your music. Your brother had sent you the guide for the song he was working on and asked for your opinion. You had grumpily agreed, slightly irked that he only contacted you for things like this.

You hated Younghoon for leaving you alone in this family. He was your father’s pride and joy when he was a national athlete. Granted, he was miserable his whole life pursuing swimming when all he wanted to do was sing. But still, you never expected him to suddenly retire and switch careers without confronting your parents. He simply packed up and left. Without a warning or explanation, he just moved out. By himself. Without you.

Now, all the burden of maintaining the family’s image was on you. You had been pushed into the modeling industry so your father could have a pretty face to marry off later on. However, with Younghoon leaving the sports scene, your father was furious that your entire family were all entertainers without higher aspirations. It was too late for you to learn a sport so now you were to get accepted into Seoul University’s business school. Your father insisted on having at least one socially respectable child.

Your brother spent the last couple of years cutting contact with the family. He refused to attend events or partake in promotional photoshoots. The only time you could ever see him was when he came to take the annual family portrait. That was the only duty he would now fulfill as the eldest son of the Kim family.

You hated him but you also couldn’t despise him. If your affection for him were to turn sour, you’d truly be alone in this world. Yet you were still upset every time your calls went to his voicemail and he replied with a text hours later to apologize. You knew he was busy making up for lost time but it still hurt that he was able to enjoy his freedom while you remained suffocated.

“Miss, we’ve arrived.” the secretary spoke.

You opened your eyes and saw that the car pulled up in front of a beauty salon. You sighed, realizing you would have to get your hair and makeup done. So you went, sitting in front of a mirror for hours as people hovered around you to make you presentable for the reporters that would welcome you with endless camera flashes. By the time they finished, you were given a white silky dress to wear. It was as if your parents wanted to send you off to get married right away.

Keeping your complaints to yourself, you got dressed and were rushed to the party. Your parents were already inside, meaning you had to face the cameras alone. Reporters shouted questions at you; the topics ranged from your outfit to your father’s political plans to your brother’s absence. Ignoring them all, you put on your capitalistic smile and posed. You then bid them goodbye and entered the venue.

It was packed with politicians and businessmen. You walked around, looking for the protagonist of this event. Your father had organized tonight under the guise of celebrating your mother’s upcoming film but the true celebration was the release of today’s news. He was here to garner support for his political campaign and he sure had a flamboyant way of doing it.

“My daughter!” you heard your mother’s voice call out.

You turned around and saw your mother beckoning you over. You put on another smile as you approached your parents. Your father pulled you in for a light hug and introduced you to the man in front of him.

“Y/n, this is Assemblyman Lee. We’ve grown quite close this past year. Assemblyman Lee, this is the daughter I’ve been bragging to you about. She’s even prettier in person, right?” he let out a hearty laugh.

You respectfully bowed and personally introduced yourself to the assemblyman.

“Yes, she is very beautiful indeed.” Assemblyman Lee agreed, joining his laughter. He then presented the tall male next to him. “This is my son, Juyeon. I believe he is the same age as you, Y/n.”

“He plays basketball and even modeled for Seoul Fashion Week.” your father mentioned. “Perhaps you’ve seen or heard of him before?”

“I think we may have passed by each other once or twice that day.” you smiled. To be honest, it was your first time meeting him.

“Assemblyman Lee and I get along like family and we were talking about becoming an actual family once you graduate college.” your father beamed.

Those words made your stomach drop. You knew you’d never get to choose your own partner but now that it was actually happening, you froze. Reality suddenly hit you like a truck. You were never going to have control over anything in your life. You were nothing but a pawn in your father’s journey to the Blue House.

You looked over at Juyeon who looked just as uncomfortable as you. This was the man who you were probably going to spend the rest of your life with and you had no idea what he was like. For all you knew, he could end up hating your guts. You felt panic taking over and excused yourself for an urgent visit to the bathroom.

Your vision was blurred as you quickly exited the ballroom and desperately searched for a private room. All you could think about was your brother.

Younghoon.

You needed him. His name was the only thing your brain could think of. You needed him to tell you that everything would be okay. That he would come save you. You knew it would be a lie but you needed to hear it anyway.

Once you found an unlocked storage room, your knees buckled and you fell to the floor. With trembling hands, you dialed your brother’s number and waited for him to pick up. You called him five times but only heard the line ring. Fighting back tears, you cursed him in your head.

You spent the next half hour trying to calm yourself down. Squatting down, you rocked back and forth with your hands covering your ears to block out the noise outside. Your hyperventilation was slowing and you weren’t struck by the fear of dying anymore. By the time you settled down, you felt numb.

With a solemn expression, you stepped out of the storage room. Avoiding the crowd, you wandered around until you found a back exit. Before you opened the door, however, you realized how much you’d stand out in your current attire. You called for the secretary and asked for one of your spare school uniforms. You changed into the blouse and skirt but left out the tie and jacket. Not having sneakers to change into, you kept your heels on.

You insisted that he return to the party and not follow you. You promised you’d be home by evening and shooed him away.

Now that you were finally free, you didn’t know where to go. School was already dismissed but the sun had yet to set. Without any plans, you just started walking. As you kept walking, you found yourself in front of your school.

You laughed in disbelief. Apparently this was the only place other than home that you knew. Finding yourself pathetic, you continued to walk up the path to the building.

The soccer team was still on the field practicing. You sat on a bench, watching them run and kick the ball around. You didn’t know a thing about the sport but found it oddly soothing to mindlessly stare.

After a while, you got tired of it and got up. You let your feet decide where to go next and ended up on the rooftop. The sky was now a golden color. You didn’t remember when you last saw such a view.

At that moment, your phone rang. It was Younghoon finally returning your missed calls. You stared at the screen, debating whether to pick up or not. By his second call, you decided to answer.

“Y/n! Is something wrong? Are you okay?” he asked as soon as you clicked “accept”.

You honestly didn’t know how to reply to his question. Looking back, you wondered if you had ever been “okay” in your life. Was this living or was this just enduring?

“I’m so sorry I missed your calls. I was at the recording studio.” he apologized. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” you lied. “I just missed you. A lot.”

You heard him let out a sigh of relief. Then his guilty voice.

“I miss you too.” he paused. “Listen, I’m extremely sorry for leaving you to deal with Father. I just… I couldn’t handle it anymore. I felt like I was gonna go insane. I could put up with everything but his demand to quit music. That was the last straw. It was the only bit of freedom I ever enjoyed and I couldn’t have that taken away from me as well.”

“But what about my freedom?” you wanted to ask.

“I know I’m a terrible brother. And an even worse son.” he admitted.

Not wanting him to feel sorry, you muttered a soft “whatever”.

“Once I finish recording this song, I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to sneak you out for a sibling date.” he said.

This was the seventh time he made this promise. Either he was always too busy or you could never escape the tight schedule set for you. But like the six other times before, you pretended to believe it.

The call ended soon after and you were left alone in silence. The tranquility on the roof contrasted the storm inside your head. You had spent your entire life striving to achieve your parents’ impossible standards. You were never enough. Never smart enough. Never pretty enough. Never social enough.

Everyone at school saw you as little miss perfect. It brought you both unwanted attention and hatred. People saw you as unapproachable and snobby. Some even expressed their disgust at how fake you seemed. At the same time, there were those who wanted to use you and your connections. There was always someone who wanted something from you.

You felt trapped.

The edge of the roof seemed to call and entice you. As if in a trance, you walked over to the wall and climbed on top of it. You sat on the ledge and took in a deep breath. You stared at the sight in front of you. Most of the soccer team had left school grounds by now. You only heard scattered voices here and there. It was probably the remaining students hollering at each other across the field.

The rest of the world seemed so peaceful. It felt like you were the only one unable to escape chaos. You swung your legs, enjoying the evening breeze. You didn’t want to ever leave this spot.

Your phone vibrated, notifying you of a new message.

“You’ll be meeting Juyeon this weekend. I expect it to go better than tonight.” it read.

Your grip on the device tightened. Without giving you a break, another message from your father arrived.

“Also, your exam scores came out. Your ranking dropped to fourth place. We’ll talk at home.”

You wanted to scream. You wanted to pull your hair out and cry. Instead, you stood up and glared at the phone in your hand. Your hand was now trembling because of how tightly you were holding it.

By now, emotions were beyond you. Feeling pity for yourself was nothing but a waste of time. It didn’t fix things and it surely didn’t make you feel any better. You were just tired of it all.

Allowing yourself one last angry outburst, you threw your phone down. You didn’t watch it fall from the roof and hit the ground. It instantly broke on contact. Unbeknownst to you, the fall startled a male student passing by.

“What the heck?” Sangyeon exclaimed out loud. He had stuck around after school to watch Sunwoo’s soccer practice. They were about to head out for dinner when he remembered that he left his wallet in his locker. He had sent his friend ahead first as he ran back inside to grab it.

He took a closer look at what almost hit his head and was puzzled to see a phone. Looking for the lunatic who nearly killed him, he lifted his head to see where it came from. After his eyes adjusted to the sunlight, he gasped when he saw you standing on the ledge of the rooftop. Getting a bad feeling, he found himself running up the steps. The whole time, “please don’t die” raced through his head.

By the time he made it up to the roof, he was sweaty and out of breath. He wanted to collapse in exhaustion but his eyes widened as you began to inch towards the edge. His body reacted before his mind and he ran to pull you off.

The sudden grip on your wrist spun you around and you fell in what felt like slow motion. You landed on the boy’s chest that was breathing hard. You could hear his heart pump like crazy and his eyes were still closed in fright.

Realizing what just happened, you quickly got off him and dusted yourself off.

“What was that for?” you asked in a hostile tone.

Finally catching his breath, he opened his eyes and jumped up. His eyes almost bulged when he recognized your face.

“Are you crazy?” he yelled, pretending not to know who you were.

“You’re the crazy one butting into other people’s business.” you frowned.

For someone who was about to jump off a building, you looked eerily calm. Sangyeon searched for any signs of distress in your eyes but could only spot annoyance. Still, his gut told him that something was wrong. The empty look on your face scared him.

“Well while we’re in the middle of crazy anyway, why don’t you tell me what pushed you this far?” he bravely inquired. “Bottling everything inside alone will only make things worse. It’s better to just spill everything to a complete stranger you won’t ever see again.”

It was out of character for him to be so nosy but he strangely felt a strong desire to help you. As for you, you normally would have walked away from this situation minutes ago. Yet you still stood in front of this odd boy who demanded to be your impromptu diary.

He intrigued you. He was knocking at the stone wall you put up years ago. He seemed so bright and innocent. It bothered you.

Despite your irritation, something about his eyes made yours water. The way his eyes softened as he looked at you made you feel vulnerable. It seemed as if he could read you like an open book. It brought a wave of emotions you had suppressed for so long.

He stepped closer and offered you a comforting pat on the shoulder. The second his hand made contact, your tears finally escaped and ran down your face. You hadn’t felt the warmth of another human since you last saw your brother. The sudden consolation broke you. Then, like the domino effect, your sobs turned into bawling as your facade crumbled at last.

Sangyeon was shocked to say the least. He never would have thought the Y/n would be crying in his arms. In fact, he never expected to ever cross paths with you. He had only ever heard of you through other students’ gossip. They painted you out to be cold-hearted but the sight in front of him said otherwise.

Hesitantly, he pulled you in for a hug. Recalling how his mom used to comfort him, he tried to soothe you by slowly patting your back. The two of you stayed like that until your cries eventually faded out. Embarrassment belatedly hit you and awkward silence hung in the air. You felt like you owed him an explanation but you couldn’t even pinpoint the exact reason for your actions.

“Thank you.” you muttered softly while sniffling.

Sangyeon smiled in response and rummaged through his pocket to find something. He pulled out a lollipop and handed it to you.

“Even being sad takes energy. You should recharge your blood sugar.” he said as he placed it in your own pocket when you didn’t move to accept it. “Let it all out from time to time. It’s not healthy to always keep negativity inside you.”

You dwelled on his words for a moment. No one had ever told you that before. Everyone was always telling you to tolerate things. You weren’t allowed to disagree with your parents. You had to accept and deal with Younghoon’s departure without expressing how upset you were. You were expected to quietly receive criticism and never retaliate. You figured it was only a matter of time before the pressure eventually set off the bomb inside you. Like today.

Up until now, you thought the only solution for the explosion would be to just end it all. It never occurred to you that you could begin to disobey everything you were taught.

“Thank you.” you repeated. With that, you got up to leave.

“W-Wait!” he called out, causing you to pause. “Where are you going?”

“To eat dinner. You said it takes energy to be sad, right?” you smiled.

Sangyeon didn’t expect to see you again the next day. Cramming last minute for a test, he opted to skip lunch and study at the library instead. After he settled down, he looked up to see across the table. He had to fight the urge to gape.

Feeling someone’s gaze on you, you lifted your head to see the boy in front of you. Recognizing his face, you quickly shut your book closed and got up to leave. He was left flabbergasted at your blatant avoidance of him.

Meanwhile, you were cursing in your head. You chastised yourself for not realizing that he also went to your school. Stupidly, you hadn’t made the connection the day before on the rooftop. Of course he was only there at that hour because he was a student there. Now you were extremely humiliated. And afraid that rumors would spread.

“Hey, wait up!” he called out as he chased after you, earning him a stern glare from the librarian. You didn’t listen and only quickened your pace.

Unfortunately for you, his long legs easily caught up with you. He gently grabbed your wrist to stop you from running away. You scowled when you realized he wouldn’t just ignore you.

“Why are you pretending that you don’t know me?” he asked, crossing his arms.

“I don’t know who you are,” you deadpanned. Your words rendered him speechless and after a few seconds of silence, you turned around to leave.

“Well, my name is Sangyeon,” he persisted, pointing at his name tag.

He spent the next couple of weeks following you around. At first, you found him annoying. He reminded you of your lowest point in life. But slowly, he wormed his way into your heart and established a place for himself there.

He would greet you each morning with a cheeky smile and a carton of banana milk. To be honest, you didn’t even like banana milk. Yet, you found yourself looking forward to it every day.

Eventually, you two formed an unbreakable bond. He was your only friend and all your free time was spent with him. Every time you felt suffocated by your parents, you reached out to Sangyeon for comfort. You never disclosed anything to him but his presence alone cheered you up. He made you focus on him and forget about everything else. You should’ve known that it was inevitable for you to fall for him.

He was that upperclassman that all the younger female students fawned over. You hated to admit it but you were also among the many who thought he was charming. You felt a pang of jealousy whenever you saw other girls swoon over him as he passed by.

Gradually, your personality began to shift into becoming more lively. You were grateful to have him show you the little things in life. You grew to like yourself and the world a little more.

Present:

You stared at the house in front of you. Twelve years ago, you left this house and town to attend school in Seoul. Seven years ago, you left Korea to move to California. Now, you were back as an adult. It felt strange.

Feeling the winter breeze chill your bones, you shuddered at the cold temperature and hurried inside. You were surprised at how neat the place was; you assumed that someone had been sent to save you from the hassle of cleaning.

Trudging up the stairs, you struggled with your large suitcase. You found your old childhood bedroom and roughly unpacked. Having only less than twelve hours until your new housemates moved in, you felt rushed to get the house ready to meet them. You decided to just wash up and sleep tonight and wake up early in the morning to go grocery shopping.

So you slipped into unconsciousness and spent a relatively quiet night. It wasn’t until morning that you were awoken by a dream. It was the same dream that haunted you for the past seven years. Ever since the accident, the same recurring scene appeared to you in your sleep. To be honest, the exact events were fuzzy but it always left you with the same nostalgic and longing feelings. It bothered you how uneasy it made you feel.

You groaned, noting that your alarm clock hadn’t even rung yet. With a loud sigh, you got up and got dressed. With over a decade between your last visit and the present, you relied on the GPS to navigate your way around the unfamiliar neighborhood.

As you walked around the quiet streets, you took the time to enjoy the scenery. You came back to this town to escape the city life but appreciated that it wasn’t entirely in the middle of nowhere.

Luckily, there was a supermarket nearby. There, you picked out a bunch of ingredients you figured would be used often. You didn’t cook much but wanted to change that.

The trip took longer than expected and you picked up your speed to make it back home before your housemates arrived. You let out a breath of relief when you returned and saw that no one was stuck outside waiting. Humming to a song you didn’t remember the title of, your steps were light as you put away the groceries. When you finished, you took a proper look at the house and were displeased at how bare it was. You made a mental note to buy decorations later to fill your new place with signs of human habitation.

At that moment, the bell rang. Suddenly feeling a bit nervous, you ran to the door. When you opened it, you were greeted by four males who seemed surprised at your appearance.

“Hello! Are you the tenants moving in today?” you asked.

“Yes, I believe we spoke with your… brother? On the phone,” one answered.

“It was probably my father’s secretary that you’ve been in contact with,” you said as you opened the door wider to let them inside. “Please, come in.”

They followed you into the house and dragged their luggage behind them. Once they were all inside, you extended your hand towards them.

“My name is Y/n and I will be the one living here with you all,” you introduced.

“My name is Jacob! I hope we get along well,” the one who first spoke grinned as he shook your hand.

You went down the line, greeting and shaking hands with Changmin and Jaehyun. By the time you got to the last person, however, your hand was left hanging. He stared at you with an expression you couldn’t decipher.

“I’m Sangyeon. Lee Sangyeon,” he finally said, taking your hand.

“Nice to meet you, Sangyeon,” you smiled.

You offered them a tour of the house and showed them their respective rooms. While they unpacked, you offered to order food. It was approaching noon and you still hadn’t eaten breakfast. They declined at first but gave in when you insisted on treating them.

By the time the food was delivered, the five of you gathered in the kitchen. You were pouring water for everyone and Jacob began to take out the bowls.

“Jajangmyun is fitting for today, right?” you commented on the Korean tradition of eating Chinese food on moving days.

After everyone was seated, you gestured for them to dig in and began eating. You let out a sigh of happiness at the taste you had missed in the United States. Korean food there just wasn’t the same as Korean food back at home.

“So, Y/n, how did you end up in this town?” Sangyeon asked. Something about his eyes felt intimate yet you still couldn’t pinpoint the reason why.

“I actually just arrived in Korea last night,” you chuckled. “I’ve been living abroad for a while.”

“Abroad? Really?” Jacob perked. “I used to live overseas as well! Toronto, to be exact.”

“I stayed in California for the most part,” you clarified.

“Oh really? California? Los Angeles?” Changmin asked in English. You giggled at his slight accent, finding it cute.

“Yes, I lived in L.A. for 7 years,” you said in English, laughing when Jaehyun’s eyes widened at your pronunciation.

While the four of you chatted, Sangyeon stayed quiet. He watched as Jaehyun asked you about life in America and Changmin told you about the time he visited New York City. He felt a twinge of jealousy when Jacob conversed with you in English.

“It’s definitely Y/n. It has to be. She looks exactly like her and has the same name. But why is she acting like she doesn’t know me? There’s no way she doesn’t remember me,” Sangyeon thought.

The next morning, you woke up early again due to jet lag. Throwing a robe over your pajamas, you headed downstairs to start making breakfast. You rummaged through the fridge, pondering on what to cook. Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t notice someone else enter the kitchen.

“Good morning,” he said, startling you.

With a slight jump, you turned around to see Sangyeon. Embarrassed, you cleared your throat and exchanged greetings with him. He spotted the gleam of a necklace hidden under your robe and furrowed his brows.

“That’s the necklace I got her. It’s Y/n for sure,” he thought.

Again, you felt his piercing gaze on you. Still unable to understand why he kept staring at you, you awkwardly turned back around. Sangyeon walked towards the kettle to make himself a cup of tea, still conscious of your presence. With that, he went back up to his room, leaving you alone once again.

Eyeing the bag of sliced bread, you decided to just settle for toast. After the simple meal, you went back to your room to get ready. It was the weekend and you planned on shopping for little trinkets to furnish the house with.

When you came back, you found your new cohabitants watching TV in the living room. You politely refused their help with the bags, setting them down on the table. You pulled out a few small photo frames and held them out to show them.

“Aren’t these adorable?” you beamed. “I was thinking of decorating the place with photos. You know, to add some warmth and humanity. Feel free to take a couple and add your own pictures.”

You placed a handful of the frames in front of them, encouraging them to take some. After excusing yourself for a second, you quickly ran up to your room to grab the printed photos on your desk. When you rejoined the group in the living room, you began to insert them into the picture frames.

“Is this from your high school entrance day?” Jaehyun asked, holding a photograph up.

“Yup,” you nodded. “To be honest, though, I don’t really remember much from high school.”

Changmin, finding a photo of you in front of the Hollywood sign, asked if it was taken during your college years.

“Ah, yes that’s when I first began my life in America. I was both anxious and eager to leave Korea behind,” you said, unaware of Sangyeon's wince at your words.

“Oh… Would it be okay for me to ask why?” Jacob asked.

“Of course. It’s all in the past,” you laughed. “I had some bad memories in Seoul and left abruptly at the end of my last year of high school. That was when I moved to L.A. to start anew.”

Sangyeon recalled the day you disappeared. He had texted you, asking to meet at the playground. After finding out about a misunderstanding you had, he wanted to resolve it as soon as possible. He waited there for hours but you never showed. You missed school for a week before your teacher suddenly announced that you would not be returning.

And that was the end of his friendship with you. You left without a warning or farewell. Now, you stood in front of him again. After seven years, he was reunited with you as an adult. He was both excited and confused. When he first saw you at the door, he wanted to blurt your name out and catch up on all the missed time. But when you introduced yourself to him as if it was your first meeting, he found himself doing the same.

At every encounter, you acted as if he was a stranger. At first, he thought you forgot about him and it hurt. But now, he supposed that you just wanted to forget about him. When you mentioned that you had bad memories of Seoul and that you were glad to start fresh in Los Angeles, he realized that he was nothing but a painful past to you.

So he put on a poker face and went along with your little act. For a month, he kept his distance from you and made sure to stay within the strict boundaries of a landlord and a tenant. While his friends grew close to you, he remained reserved.

“Why are you so cold to Y/n?” Changmin once asked him. Sangyeon never answered the question and continued to keep his facade up.

Meanwhile, you were clueless as to why Sangyeon was so standoffish. You had asked his friends, who were a lot more pleasant, if he was normally inhospitable to new people. At their unnatural attempts to change the subject, you figured it was just you that he disliked.

Still, Sangyeon couldn’t hide his innate desire to take care of you in his own ways. Every time your favorite snack ran low in the pantry, he would stack up on it next time he went to the mart. Knowing you hated the cold, he would make sure to keep the house temperature high—even when Jaehyun went to lower it, complaining that he was hot. When you fell asleep on the couch, he would cover you with the blanket you kicked to the floor.

The boy in front of you was extremely close as he reached behind your shoulders to put the necklace on for you. You held your breath and felt your heart race.

“There,” he grinned proudly. “How pretty.”

“Me or the necklace?” you asked, half joking and half serious. He shrugged, prompting you to playfully punch his arm.

“Now you’re forever indebted to me, Y/n. That’s a one of a kind necklace you can’t find anywhere else. Be honored I made it for you,” he declared. You rolled your eyes at his arrogance but still smiled nonetheless.

“Since I gave you this, you can’t ever forget me, okay?” he made you promise.

Your eyes opened, waking you up from your dream. Finding it odd how vivid it was, you frowned and sat up. You wondered if it was a part of your missing memory.

The view outside your window revealed a white wonderland, reminding you that the weather forecast predicted a snowstorm today. You groaned, remembering that today was also the day that you would be alone with Sangyeon. Jacob was on a business trip whereas Changmin and Jaehyun went to their hometowns to visit their parents.

“The snow just has to lock us inside this house today of all days,” you mumbled as you snuggled back into your blanket.

You closed your eyes, wanting to sleep a little more. After half an hour of trying to fall back asleep, you gave up with an exasperated sigh. You changed into a sweatshirt and went downstairs to make yourself some hot chocolate.

To your surprise, Sangyeon was already in the kitchen with a cup of hot chocolate. You both froze, not knowing how to interact without at least one of the other three guys.

“Here, you can have this one. I’ll make myself another one,” he finally spoke, handing you the cup topped with marshmallows.

You muttered a word of thanks as you wrapped your hands around the warm drink. Looking at the window, you saw that the snow was piling up a lot already. In an attempt to break through the walls Sangyeon had built around you, you mustered up the courage to ask if he wanted to watch a movie together. Taken aback, he nodded before he even fully processed your question.

That’s how the two of you ended up on the coach with a randomly chosen film playing on the TV screen. The movie was better than you thought it’d be. The subtle love line brought a comedic relief in such an action-packed plot. You enjoyed it until the main character ended up with amnesia; it made you uncomfortable as it reminded you of your own accident. Noticing that you weren’t focusing on the movie anymore, Sangyeon paused it and asked if you wanted to stop watching.

Not wanting to ruin the mood, you shook your head. He stared at you for a bit before turning it off. Although you were relieved, you felt bad because he seemed to be enjoying the film.

Trying to make up for it, you offered to make lunch. At his reluctance, you insisted since you both had to eat and delivery would take a long time. He followed you into the kitchen, watching as you surfed the internet for recipes.

You managed to keep the conversation flowing as you cooked. You asked about his job and he asked about your experience as a college student in another country. You were happy that he was finally opening up to you. By the end of the meal, you felt comfortable enough to share a little more about yourself.

“To be honest, I was very hesitant about coming back to Korea. When I left seven years ago, I left behind a lot,” you began.

“Yeah, you left me behind,” Sangyeon wanted to say. Instead, he kept his thoughts to himself.

“I mentioned before that I don’t remember much of my high school years. The only memories I have of back then are whatever my parents told me. Which isn’t much. They were always too busy to know what went on in my life,” you stated.

Trying to piece the information together, he carefully asked what you meant by that.

“I got into a car accident seven years ago,” you sheepishly revealed, making his eyes widen. “Apparently I was in a coma for about a week. When I woke up, I was told that I was suffering from amnesia. I was hospitalized for another few weeks to recover and then sent to California to be with my cousin, Eric. There, I went through physical therapy and attended university. I was hoping to leave behind my trauma in Korea.”

“O-Oh, I didn’t know you went through all that,” he stammered, embarrassed.

“I feel like there’s a part of my life that I’m missing and I hate it,” you confessed. “I get these dreams sometimes and I think it might be my missing memories but I’m not too sure.”

The two of you fell into silence. Sangyeon despised himself for not knowing what happened. He had been too busy pitying himself to stop and think from your perspective. He didn’t deserve to have you remember him. He figured it was best that you forgot him. There was no point in disclosing everything now anyway.

After that day, you thought you had gotten closer to Sangyeon. Contrary to your expectations, however, you grew even more distant. At first, you thought you were overthinking. But as the week went on, it became obvious that he was indeed avoiding you.

Eventually, Jacob confronted him about it. He trapped his best friend and demanded an explanation.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sangyeon lied with a straight face. Sighing, Jacob let it go. He knew that he couldn’t force anything out of him.

Despite Sangyeon’s efforts to keep away from you, he still continued to quietly do little things for you. Luckily for him, you didn’t notice. You didn’t think twice about the pot of coffee that was always prepared every morning or your shoes that were neatly put away after you left them scattered at the entrance.

You didn’t know why you felt so disappointed. You didn’t realize that you had grown attached to him as time passed by. Something about him felt familiar and comfortable. Yet, at the same time, he felt like a challenge. He was aloof but occasionally had moments that showed his soft side. He intrigued you.

“Y/n, you can’t keep associating yourself with that boy. Imagine how shocked we were when we heard those rumors about you two dating! You know your father has plans for you and Juyeon,” your mother chided.

“It’s the 21st century! I am not getting into an arranged marriage. Especially not just for the sake of father’s political ambitions,” you yelled.

A slap was delivered to your face. The sound was loud and you felt your cheek throb in pain. Bewildered, you glared at the woman in front of you. Deeming your action as disrespectful, your mother slapped you once again.

“You don’t even deserve to be called a mother,” you spat.

With that, you stormed out of the house. The boy your mother demanded you to stay away from wasn’t even your boyfriend. You had hoped that he would be one day but that hope dissipated when you saw another girl in his arms earlier that day. Tears blinded your vision as you fumbled for your phone. You called Eric, praying that he would pick up despite the time difference. To your relief, he did and his voice caused you to sob.

“Y/n? Y/n, what’s wrong?” Eric asked, concerned.

You barely managed to tell him what was going on in between your cries. He tried to calm you down but it was futile. You weren’t listening. You were too busy running away. Too busy to notice the car that was speeding towards you.

You woke up gasping for air. Your heart was beating fast as you checked your surroundings. Once you realized that you were in your room and not on the streets, you relaxed.

“Was that just a dream? Or a flashback?” you murmured. You brushed it off, blaming your return to Korea for these weird dreams.

Eric was landing in Korea today and you were thrilled. You missed him greatly and couldn’t wait to see him again. You glanced at the clock to check the time. You had to leave soon to greet him at the airport. Quickly getting dressed, you hummed in excitement.

On your way down, you heard the doorbell ring. You cocked your head, wondering if one of the guys had invited a guest. You shouted out that you’d get the door and ran to open it.

“Surprise!” Eric yelled, holding a bouquet of flowers.

It took you a moment to process the scene in front of you. You blinked a few times before you squealed and jumped into his arms. He laughed, dropping the flowers to hold onto you. The noise brought your housemates downstairs with curiosity. You quickly introduced everyone to each other and pulled your cousin inside once they finished exchanging greetings.

“I thought your plane was landing in an hour!” you exclaimed.

“I told you the wrong time so I could come surprise you instead,” he winked.

You didn’t notice Eric staring Sangyeon down but Sangyeon definitely did. He tried to ignore it, assuming that your cousin just wasn’t happy with the fact that you were living with four males.

You spent the rest of the day catching up with Eric and exploring your neighborhood together. You showed him your favorite cafe and feasted on the waffles there. He filled you in on how his parents—your aunt and uncle—were doing. They drilled him to make sure he told you how much they missed you, making you giggle. As proof of his completed mission, he took a selfie with you to send to them.

“I miss them too,” you pouted. “I better video call them soon. It’s hard trying to match the time zone and their work schedule.”

“Or,” he dragged out the word expectantly. “You could just move back to L.A.”

“Eric, you know why I came back. And what it took for me to do so.”

“I know, I know. But I honestly don’t know how I feel about you trying to retrieve your memory. Maybe some things are better left forgotten?”

“For the past seven years, something in the corner of my brain has been irking me. I know I’m forgetting something important. I feel it.”

He sighed and put his hands up as a sign of defeat.

“Just remember that if you don’t find what you’re looking for or if you aren’t happy with what you find, you can always go back to join me in L.A.” he said softly.

It was a hard secret to keep from you for almost a decade. In exchange for calling off your arranged marriage, your parents made him promise to never tell you about what happened the day of the accident. You moving to Los Angeles was the solution your parents came up with to keep you away from that past.

Seeing Sangyeon at your house gave him a bad feeling. He didn’t know what he told you and was scared that it was only a matter of time before your memories returned after seeing him so often.

Before Eric left for Seoul, he pulled Sangyeon aside to give him a warning.

“I don’t know why you’re lingering around my cousin but I know who you are,” Eric glared. “I obviously don’t know the whole story of what happened back when you two were in high school but I don’t quite like you. If you’re simply here for a place to live, keep it that way. Don’t put anything in Y/n’s head. She doesn’t need to remember what you did to her.”

“What I did to her?” Sangyeon repeated, confused. “But I didn’t- wait, are you talking about-”

“You know what I’m talking about,” Eric interrupted. “You led her on and then hugged another girl right in front of her.”

“The girl she saw me with wasn’t my girlfriend. She suddenly came up to me and confessed. That hug was initiated by her and was one sided. I found out about that misunderstanding and was trying to clear it up the day she disappeared.”

“Does it matter anymore after all these years?” Eric sighed. “Listen, you have no idea what Y/n went through back then and what was sacrificed to let her live the way she wanted to.”

“If there’s something you want to tell me, don’t beat around the bush,” Sangyeon frowned. Eric let out an exasperated sigh, conflicted. He wasn’t sure if it was his place to reveal details to him but he felt that it was necessary.

“That day. Y/n’s parents found out about how you two had a thing. There were rumors going around and it reached their ears. I don’t know if Y/n ever told you but they already had a guy in mind for her. Some stupid politics shit. Obviously, she said that was ridiculous but what power does a teenager have over their parents? She was fighting so hard for you but it was all in vain. You broke her heart.”

Sangyeon’s face crumbled at his words. You had never told him about the struggles you had in your home but he should have caught on from the day he first met you.

“That accident took away her memory. For better or for worse. She forgot all about the guy her parents pushed her towards and she forgot about the pain you caused her. And to be quite frank, I want it to stay that way. She came back to Korea to recover her memories but she deserves peace and happiness. She doesn’t need any more dramatic twists in her life. If you still truly care for her, you would agree,” your cousin said before he left.

A figure stood in front of you. You couldn’t see the face but there was a sense of familiarity. It was the same boy from your previous dreams.

“How could you not remember me, Y/n?” he asked.

You wanted to hold his hand and try to recall who he was. You wanted to hug him and tell him that you didn’t intentionally forget him. But your body would not move according to your will.

You awoke to a pounding head and sore throat. Feeling your nose run, you reached out for a tissue. You moaned in pain, realizing you had a bodyache as well. You couldn’t bear to get up and pulled the blanket closer to your body to keep warm. Closing your eyes, you allowed yourself to fall back asleep.

Downstairs, the guys were eating lunch together. Jaehyun looked at his watch and verbally noted that you still hadn’t woken up.

“Do you think we should wake her up to eat?” Changmin asked, to which Jacob shook his head, saying that they should leave you to rest.

“I wonder if she’s sick? I heard her coughing in the middle of the night when I got up to go to the bathroom,” Jaehyun said.

On the outside, Sangyeon pretended not to care. On the inside, however, he was extremely worried. You always got sick at least twice each winter. After quickly finishing his meal, he grabbed his coat and headed out to the pharmacy. He asked for any and every medicine to help with colds and kept the bag in his pocket when he came back.

He stopped in front of your door with his hand hovering mid-knock. He decided against knocking and left the bag of medicines hanging on your handle.

When evening came around, Jacob went up to your room with a bowl of porridge. Seeing the bag still on the door, he knocked and entered with it.

“So you are sick,” he commented when he saw your disheveled image.

“Jacob, you are an angel,” you gasped at the sight of the food.

“Actually, the medicine isn’t from me. I think that might have been Jaehyun. It was left on your door handle,” he said as he set the tray down on your desk.

You thanked him for the porridge and made a mental note to thank Jaehyun later. Too tired to do anything else, you took the medicine and fell into another deep sleep.

The next day, you felt better enough to get out of bed. Wrapping a blanket around your shoulders, you trudged downstairs. You saw Jaehyun in the kitchen pouring himself a cup of coffee and said good morning.

“Oh! I didn’t get the chance to tell you yesterday but thanks for the medicine,” you smiled.

“Huh? What medicine?” he tilted his head in confusion.

“You weren’t the one who left medicine for me outside my door?” you blinked. He shook his head and you assumed that it had been Changmin.

However, when you asked Changmin about it, he was clueless as well. It left you with only one other possibility and your heart skipped a beat at the thought. Wanting to express your gratitude, you went out and bought ingredients to make him some kimbap. You spent the rest of the morning working hard in the kitchen, persevering through multiple mistakes.

You groaned the third time the kimbap popped while you tried to roll it. You considered giving up for a brief moment but shook your head. With a determined sigh, you pulled out another sheet of dried seaweed and began your fourth attempt.

Finally, you managed to decently succeed. You grinned in triumph at your slightly deformed roll. After cleaning up the mess you made, you looked out the window to see Sangyeon reading in the yard with a beanie on and a scarf wrapped around his neck. Hoping to keep him warm, you poured a cup of hot coffee and walked towards him with the food nicely plated.

“Hey Sangyeon,” you said as you held out the plate. “I made you some kimbap for you to munch on as you read.”

“No thanks,” he said coldly. You blinked, not expecting such an answer.

“O-Oh… do you not like kimbap?” you awkwardly laughed. “Here, have some coffee then.”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to mind me,” he closed his book and stood up to leave. You frowned at his rudeness, ticked off.

“You could at least take the coffee if you don’t want the food,” you said, making him pause. “Or at the very least politely decline considering the effort I put in.”

“I never asked you to put in any effort towards me.”

You scoffed and put the cup and plate down to fold your arms. His harsh words were so different from his kind actions. It constantly felt like he was trying so hard to push you out and you didn’t understand why.

“Then what’s with the medicine you left for me yesterday?” you confronted him. He froze, not knowing how he got caught. He then noticed that you came outside with no outerwear, making him sigh. Trying to avoid an argument, he silently took his scarf off and put it on you before turning around to leave.

“What the hell, Lee Sangyeon?” you blurted. You placed yourself in front of him to stop him from leaving.

“What is with you? Literally one day you’re taking care of me behind my back and the next you’re avoiding me like the plague. Is this your tsundere concept or what?” you huffed.

You waited for him to say something back but he kept his lips pursed. Exasperated, you ripped the scarf off and stormed back inside.

Sangyeon cursed at himself in his mind. He could’ve handled that a lot better. Sighing, he bent down to pick up the scarf thrown on the ground. At a closer glance, he saw your necklace buried in the fabric. He held it up and stared at the jewelry in his palm. With a conflicted expression, his grip tightened around it, enclosing it in his fist.

You decided that you were over Sangyeon once and for all. You didn’t care how tired he came home looking every night or if was eating properly. You officially gave up on getting closer to him. If he wanted to push you away with his stupid tsundere ways, then that was his problem and not yours.

Grumbling, you climbed into bed to comfort yourself by watching Netflix. You very much rather preferred having your mind occupied with fictional characters than your own issues.

By the time evening rolled around, you grabbed your clothes and headed to the bathroom to shower. Your hands reached up to your neck to take your necklace off but were met with bare skin. Your eyes widened as you looked in the mirror, realizing that the necklace was gone.

You didn’t remember when or where you got it but you always had a feeling that it was important to you. You felt anxious without it.

You rushed to the kitchen to find it. Changmin was staring at you, perplexed, as you crawled across the floor to check every nook and cranny.

“Are you looking for something?” he asked.

“My necklace,” you tensed. “I can’t find it anywhere. Have you seen it here?”

He shook his head as he apologized, saying he hadn’t. Fretting, you checked the living room hoping it was hidden somewhere on the couch. When it still didn’t turn up, you ran outside to check the yard.

At that moment, Jacob and Sangyeon came down and saw Changmin looking out the window. Curious to see what he was watching, they followed his gaze to see you examining the grass.

“What’s Y/n doing?” Jacob asked.

“I think she lost her necklace,” Changmin answered as he took another bite of his apple. “It must be really important to her. She’s been searching for a while now.”

“I hope she finds it soon. It’s cold out at night,” Jacob said with a concerned look on his face.

Sangyeon stiffened, feeling the necklace in his pocket. He brushed it off, thinking you would give up soon. After pouring himself a cup of tea, he returned to his room. The sky rumbled, warning of incoming rain.

“I’m sure she’ll come back in now,” he mumbled.

Half an hour passed as Sangyeon continued reading his book. It was now pouring outside and the raindrops tapped violently against the windows. He reached out for his tea, only to notice be met with an empty cup. He placed the book down and went to the kitchen for a refill.

He was shocked to see you still in the yard, crouched down with a flashlight. Anger bubbled up inside him and he found himself grabbing an umbrella and joining you outside. Holding your wrist, he lifted you up to face him. The rain ceaselessly attacked the umbrella over your heads and his heart broke at the sight of you. You were drenched and your hair stuck to the sides of your face.

“Let go of me. I need to find something,” you freed yourself from his grasp and went back to shifting through the grass.

“It’s late and it’s raining. You can look for it later,” he said as he pulled you back up.

“No, I have to find it now,” you insisted.

“Y/n, you’re sick!” he exploded. “What’s more important than your health right now?”

“My necklace!” you yelled back. “I can’t remember who gave it to me but I know it was a gift. I can’t lose it. I just know that it’s from someone important. It’s the missing memory I came back to Korea to find!”

His chest clenched as your tears blended in with the rain. He never thought that the necklace would mean so much to you. Hesitantly, he pulled it out from his pocket and handed it to you.

“I’m the one who gave it to you, Y/n,” he sighed, closing his eyes. “Seven years ago, I was the one who made this necklace and gave it to you. This isn’t what I meant when I said that you were indebted to me.”

Puzzled, you stared at the chain hanging from your clasp. You were beyond confused. If you had known Sangyeon, why did he never act like it? Then, the pieces started to come together and his behavior started to make sense. Those eyes that seemed to recognize you from day one. The endless supply of the snacks you never expressed your love for in front of the guys. The dreams that you suddenly understood now.

“You knew who I was the entire time… and you didn’t say anything?” your voice cracked. “You knew I was out here looking for the necklace that you had and you still didn’t say anything?”

“I-”

“Forget it,” you cut him off. You shoved the umbrella away from you and slowly walked towards the house.

“Now you’re forever indebted to me, Y/n. That’s a one of a kind necklace you can’t find anywhere else. Be honored I made it for you.”

You winced at the sudden flashback.

“Y/n, you can’t keep associating yourself with that boy.”

You shook your head as if the memories would shake out of your mind.

“You don’t even deserve to be called a mother.”

You stumbled, causing you to flinch. Sangyeon ran to hold onto you and caught you just in time before your knees went weak. You felt your lungs tighten as the world spun around you and his voice became muffled. Then, everything went black.

“We gave her a fever reducer so her temperature should be coming down soon,” the doctor said as he looked through your patient chart. “She can be discharged once she wakes up and finishes the IV treatment. As long as she rests well at home, she’ll be okay.”

Sangyeon profusely thanked the doctor before he felt to continue his rounds. Sitting down next to you, he sighed. This wasn’t what he intended at all. All he ever wanted was for you to be happy. Back then and even now, his priority had always been you. Even if it meant giving up his own desires. Even if it meant giving you up.

It was taking longer than expected for you to awaken. Sangyeon began to worry but the nurses assured him that there was no problem. He restlessly paced around your bed, praying that you were okay.

When you finally came to, it took you a moment to register your surroundings. In what felt like a long sleep, all of your lost memories came flooding back. Still overwhelmed by the sudden anamnesis, you grasped for the only thing that brought you a sense of familiarity and comfort—Sangyeon’s hand.

“Don’t leave me,” you croaked.

“I won’t. I promise I won’t let you go again,” he whispered, holding your hand tighter.

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morning-might-arrive · 3 years

Text

Here’s the continuation of my last post. Thank you so much to everyone who liked and reblogged! This is becoming a lot longer than I thought, so there will be another part soon. Feedback is appreciated!

A series of misunderstandings involving a limousine and Spectra’s blog lead Jackson to the realization that he has way more friends than he thought.

Wednesday

Jackson sighed as he silenced his blaring alarm clock. 7:00 am. As he walked to the bathroom to get ready, he was suddenly struck by a memory.

“It’s nothing personal, normie. You just look like such a freak.” Manny told him as he shoved him off of the lunch table. Jackson looked towards the other mansters, but they said nothing. So they all agreed. Even Clawd.

He cringed. He’d had to eat lunch in a bathroom stall that day. He looked at his reflection, desperately wishing he could change it. He sighed and got dressed. He had to leave early since he now had no car and his parents weren't home. He plugged his headphones into his phone. Holt had gotten them into this situation, only fitting that he deal with it.

Holt Hyde cursed under his breath as he walked to school. Although the weather was warming, mornings in March were still frigid. He sighed in relief as he approached Monster High.

“Heya there, sweetpea,” Operetta drawled in greeting as Holt waltzed through the front doors of the school.

“What’s good, Oppy?” Holt responded, his usual loud and energetic self even at the early hour.

“Just peachy keen like always, hun. Say, you seen the Ghostly Gossip lately?” She asked.

“Nah, we usually stay away from that garbage ever since that story about us and Frankie. Humiliated the poor ghoul and almost tanked our relationship. It really ain’t cool what they're doin’.” He replied nonchalantly.

“Oh. Okay. Well sugar, you know you can tell me anythang you wanna, right?” She continued.

“Uh, yeah, sure. Thanks Oppy.” That was kinda weird for the rough and tumble ghoul to say, but honestly Holt was just glad their botched attempt at dating didn’t mess up their friendship. Oppy was a cool ghoul.

“What’s the word, cool cats?” Came a new voice.

“Johnny!”

“Johnny.”

Johnny spirit sauntered casually down the main corridor of Monster High, and students jumped out of his way as if he had the plague. He put his arm around Operetta’s shoulder. “Hey, babe.”

Holt snorted. “I’ll never get why everyone lets you float around like you own the place.”

Johnny shrugged. “Guess they don’t have a choice. Besides, I never see you doing anything about it,” he replied with a bit of challenge in his tone. Holt rolled his eyes.

“You know you don’t scare us, Spirit. Anyway, it seems like Oppy’s got you on a leash without our help.”

Johnny bristled at that “Y’know Hyde, I’m gettin’ real sick of-”

“Why don’t we scamper on down to the catacombs and finish that new song we been workin on, sugarpie?” Operetta cut in. She really didn’t want to deal with a fistfight this early.

The couple walked away and Holt made toward the auditorium. He found the symphony on stage setting up and dashed up to join them, plugging his guitar into its amp. Jennifire was nearby greasing the corks on her clarinet. He huffed and sat down next to her.

“Another run in with the phantom pianist?” She asked, not even looking up.

“That guy is such a jerk!”

She chuckled and shook her head. “You boys are so easily provoked; I may never understand it. My brothers were just the same. He has done not to insight your anger.”

Holt really hated to admit it, but she was right. Johnny really didn't scare Holt, and he knew a little better than to try that tough guy act on Jackson. Plus, it was kinda funny seeing guys like Heath and Manny faint when he walked past them.

“Your emotions run like wildfire, I am very impressed you came to terms so easily with your end.” She continued.

Wait. What. “My what now?”

“Of course, it must be so hard for you to talk about. I am sorry.” A tear fell from her eye and promptly turned to smoke upon hitting her face.

“Jen, are you okay?” Holt asked, facing her.

She smiled. “Yes, I will be okay. So kind of you to think of me.”

“Okay, Okay, enough chit chat. Places people!” The director yelled as he approached the stage. Well. That was weird. Holt took his place in the stool beside the amp and looked up as the director began counting them off.

After an awkward hour of rehearsal, they were dismissed to second period. Holt emerged out into the crowd of students in the hall. Jennifire was nowhere to be found, so he made his way toward the art room. His Spotify playlist suddenly changed to a song by Pierce the Veil. He pulled out his phone to skip it and saw he had a message from Jackson. He scoffed. If D-low had told him what was wrong, would he be asking? JJ could be so oblivious. Maybe it was just a normie thing.

He took his usual seat in front of his canvas and continued his painting for this week.

“Psst, Holt.” he heard a whisper. He turned and met the shiny magenta eyes of retired popstar Catty Noir. “We’re turning up at Cleo’s place on Saturday, you in?”

“Yeah totally- oh, nevermind. We can’t make it, we kinda got a...thing that day.”

“Oh,” she said, looking kind of taken aback. “It’s that soon?”

“What was that?”

“ I said I’ll see you soon!” she hastily corrected herself as she got up and turned in her painting, promptly leaving the art room. Man, everyone's acting off today. He touched up his work and quickly followed suit.

He basically had the rest of the period to himself, so he decided to riff on his guitar for a little bit. He couldn’t do it in the building anymore ever since that one time Headmistress Bloodgood caught him, so he moved to the front steps and set his bag beside him.

“Hey Holt!”

Holt turned towards the front of the school. “Frankie Fine-Stein! Where have you been hiding?” Her skin glowed a light mint green and her eyes sparked in the sun. Just as bootiful as ever. She sat on the step beside him.

“I was actually just in the library. I found this book about the original Jekyll and Hyde. It was way harsh; It said that Edward Hyde trampled a child in the streets of London, is that true?”

“Nuh-uh! Those stuffy normie’s didn’t like that grandpa’s were different so they dragged their reputation through the dirt!” Holt declared passionately. “Some of the people they charged him with killing didn’t even exist in the first place! Then they made Dr. Jekyll out to be a complete basket case and threw them both in jail! That is until they got bailed out by our great-great-grandma, Lucy.”

“Oh, man. I didn’t know any of that!” Frankie replied. She actually knew all about it, she had heard the exact same thing from Jackson before. They were both incredibly salty about the smear campaign launched against their great-great-grandparents that made their family flee to America in the first place, and you could hardly bring it up around them without a passionate rant. Frankie felt a little bad about bringing up something she knew was a sore subjet for them, but she had to make sure Spectra and the other ghouls didn’t get caught. It was for their own good, right?

Her phone buzzed in her lap and she glanced down. “Spectra got something, meet us back in the library.” Clawdeen. Frankie jumped up. “Sorry, Holt, I really gotta go.”

Holt watched her go in curiosity. He checked the time and quickly jumped up himself and dashed back inside the building. The only way to not be late now was to go through Section C, the so-called “vampires only” hallway. It really irked them when other monster’s used it, but he didn’t really care when it was either that or detention. As he made his way through he felt someone glaring at him, and met eyes with a large group of the former prep-school vampires. He braced himself, but instead of giving him grief like they usually did, they just let him pass. They were acting weird, but so was everyone else. Oh well, he didn’t really have time to think about it now.

Holt’s third period was Chemistry 2 with Mr. Hack. No thanks. Science was never his strong suit. Plus, there was seriously something off about this particular teacher. He just took a little too much pleasure in the cutting open of living things for Holt’s liking. He pulled out his phone.

“Keep an eye out. Today’s been weird, Bro.” He typed the message out and then disconnected his phone from his headphones. The world went dark.

Jackson blinked a few times. What was that ringing sound? “Oh, shOOT!” He bolted through the closest door- which just happened to be the right one- and took his seat as the bell finished ringing.

Mr. Hack passed out a hefty amount of worksheets to the class. “Okay class: no whispering, no talking, no looking around, no coughing or sneezing, no you can’t use the bathroom, and if I catch you on your cell phone the whole class gets detention. You have until the end of the class to complete the worksheets or it's a 0 for today.”

Everyone groaned. Good old Mr. Hack. Charming and likeable. Jackson tried to ignore the stares and whispers in his direction as he did his work. He knows he’s different, don’t they ever get tired of reminding him? Were they all paying more attention to him than usual, or was it just his imagination? He blazed through his work in about 20 minutes, it was just some simple thermodynamics equations. He looked up and noticed that Mr. Hack was asleep. Typical. Half the class were on their phones and the other half were talking amongst themselves. He pulled his phone out and saw Holt’s message.

Huh. Maybe it wasn’t just his imagination then, everyone was acting a little odd. Granted, every day at Monster High was pretty weird. Last week they had lost their school crest in a rollerblading contest and the school nearly toppled over, so maybe he could just ignore whatever this was.

The bell finally rang for lunch. He set his work on Mr. Hack’s desk as he jolted awake and practically ran from the room. He shot Clair a text

“Okay, transportation is set and decorations bought. Am I forgetting anything?”

“Measurements, goofy.” She responded almost instantly.

“Oh, right. I can get a tape measure from the woodshop teacher and get them during lunch.”

“Have you told the other monsters about Saturday?”

“No. I just don’t know how they’ll react, y’know?”

“Aren’t they always telling you about how you don’t belong? So why would they care?”

“Yeah you’re probably right. It’s just a difficult situation.”

“Yeah, I hear you. Let me know how it goes.”

Looking down at his phone, he didn’t notice Draculara until he bumped her as he passed.

“So sorry!” He exclaimed.

“It’s alright.” She reassured him as she walked away. She made her way to the library where her friends were already gathered around in a circle. Spectra floated in the center.

“What’s this all about?” Draculara asked.

“While Frankie had Holt distracted, Spectra looked in his locker.”

“Well what did she find?” Cleo demanded.

“Just this. It appears to be a receipt for some kind of car rental.”

Clawd glanced at his phone. “Heath says Jackson is in the boys locker room right now taking measurements of himself and writing them down.” He told the group.

“Then what Spectra said is true.” Fraknie finally admitted. The room fell into extended silence.

“Well we can at least show Jackson he means something to us.” Draculara spoke up.

“Yeah,” Frankie agreed, “we can do something nice for him and Holt.”

“What are we going to do? Hijack the gym and throw a huge party during lunch?” Cleo asked sardonically.

“You’re on a roll Cleo! It’ll be closed tomorrow, but we can do it Friday!” Clawdeen agreed.

Cleo smiled. Very well then. Friday would be a day for the monster history books.

#jackson jekyll #holt hyde #frankie #draculara #clawdeen #spectra vondergeist #operetta #johnny spirit #monster high #mh

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darkdevasofdestruction · 3 years

Text

My Clarity ~ Shikamaru x Kitsune

A little fic in which Shikamaru isn’t the only kid who gets advice from his dad through Shogi.

Honestly tho, I’m in my exam session, 9 exams, thankfully, only 2 more to go next week, and I have a burning urge to re-watch all of Naruto for some reason, and my love for this beautiful Deer boy resurfaced very VERY powerfully.

Oops.

Little fox, little fox, what are you hiding behind that sly, cheerful smile of yours?

Little fox, little fox, why are you all alone?

Little fox, little fox, what's going on through your mind?

Little fox, little fox...Do you wanna play?

---

Shikamaru always knew there was something off with the red haired girl in his class -

She just seemed too perfect.

She was beautiful, she was smart, she was talented, she was kind, she was helpful, she was selfless..

And his parents were best friends with her parents, so they would often meet up for play dates and whatever.

No matter how much he tried to avoid her like the plague, she didn’t give up, and whenever he asked her why the hell she wanted to hang out with him so bad, she’d just say

“Because I like you, little fawn.”

That stupid nickname, that soon turned into “Deer boy” irked him big time...But in a way...

He was the only one to whom she gave nicknames, so he felt kinda special.

Actually, he was the only one with whom she actually seemed completely genuine...So maybe he should actually enjoy it?

Yeah, why not, right?

She’s not so bad, after all, and if he gets to learn something form her, all the better!

----

“Scrub it off. Clean it off. Take it off. Claw it off. Rip it off. Saw it off. Carve it off. Rinse it off. Wash it off. Cut it off –“ the obsessive mutterings went on and on like grating. She was trembling, not even realizing her cheeks were soaked, not from the rain, but from the tears her beautiful green eyes that now resembled a rainforest, were producing.

What was going on? This can’t be happening…This was supposed to be a simple mission with her dad and her dad’s best friend…It was just a B mission at most…How could things escalate this much?

Being a ninja, she knew things are dangerous and would put you in impossible situations…That you can even lose your life or your friends and comrades…But…

Why now…? Why so soon…?

She’s barely 10 years old…She wanted to go on this mission to see how beautiful the world outside the Country of Fire is…But this…?

“Scrub it off. Clean it off. Take it off. Claw it off. Rip it off. Saw it off. Carve it off. Rinse it off. Wash it off. Cut it off –“ she continued rambling, standing there, on her knees, on the wet grass, all muddy, all bloody, not having moved from there for at least a whole hour, so much that she almost thought she started growing roots into the ground.

“Scrub it off. Clean it off. Take it off. Claw it off. Rip it off. Saw it off. Carve it off. Rinse it off. Wash it off. Cut it off –“ she went on and on and on with no stopping, with no equivalent of time and space, of self, of body, of identity. She was lost. She was not only broken, but completely shattered. She was blank.

“Kitsune, that’s enough. Snap out of it. He’s dead. We have to get out of here before the enemies find us. We’ve been here enough.” the man who was her dad’s best friend went on his knees in front of her and grasped her wrists, pulling her hands away from her eye sight so she will stop looking at her father’s blood. “He’s not…He’s not…He can’t be…He can’t…He won’t…He wouldn’t…Leave me…No…He’s just…R-Resting…Don’t mess around with me…” instead of focusing on her hands that were painted with clotted blood, her eyes were now in the vision of the body laying in a pool of its own blood, its chest being cut to access the heart. “I know it’s impossible to accept this, but your parents wouldn’t want you to die here because you froze up. Let’s go home. We’ll get his body in a scroll and I’ll arrange for a funeral.” the man tried to reason with the child, who, in turn, moved for the first time since the incident. “HE’S NOT FUCKING DEAD! STOP LYING TO ME, SHIKAKU, HE’S NOT DEAD!!! HE CAN’T BE DEAD! HE’S NOT! I HEALED HIM! I RESTARTED HIS HEART! HE’S NOT DEAD! I DIDN’T LET HIM DIE! HE’S TOO STRONG TO DIE! HE WOULDN’T LEAVE ME AND MUM! I’M TELLING YOU, HE’LL GET UP ANY MINUTE NOW! I DID EVERYTHING BY THE BOOK! JUST AS THE MEDICAL NINS TAUGHT ME! I DID NO MISTAKE! I DID NOTHING WRONG! I’M SURE!” the red haired girl lashed out at the man, shrieking so loud that her throat felt raw, almost bleeding, her emotions pouring down harder than the rain as she shook hit the man’s chest and shoulder, but he could only look at her with pity in his dark eyes, almost imagining his own son, should that have been him on the ground. “It’s not your fault, Kitsune. You did everything you could, but sometimes, there is nothing anyone can do. Some injuries are so severe that they can’t be healed, even if you are the most skilled healer. It wasn’t your fault, it was the enemies’ fault. I promise you.” the Nara put the ANBU captain’s corpse in a scroll and picked the girl up, running back to the village and reporting to the Hokage.

The girl was lost, had no idea what to say, what to do, what to feel – Not when Shikaku was explaining what happened to the Hokage, not when he broke the news to her mum, hell, not even when she was staring at a beautiful picture of the three of them together, at his funeral.

No children were allowed at the funeral, as per her request – She didn’t want any pity, and she wanted to give no explanations.

She wanted nobody involved. Things were bad enough as they were.

So the only people from the school who knew were the teachers.

Not Shikamaru, not Hinata, not Sasuke, not Shino…

Nobody.

Definitely nobody.

Her dad wasn’t dead, after all.

She didn’t kill him.

She did everything she was taught to do.

She did the cardiac massage, she was sure she felt his heart pumping again, she definitely saw him breathing…

…Right?

She did, didn’t she?

She didn’t imagine it, right?

She didn’t try to get his heart to pump again when he was already irreversibly dead…

…Right?

----

The little red haired girl smiled dazzlingly at the children in her class, who were also her friends. She knew she was the most popular girl in the whole Academy, but she didn't let it bother her, or change the way she behaved with everyone - Everyone was equal in her eyes, even if they were obnoxious or annoying - And in turn, she got invited to everyone's birthday parties or hang outs, and so on.

But most of the time, she couldn't go to those hang outs because she was constantly training with her parents to become an excellent ninja, and in the future, a member of the ANBU - It wasn't only her dream, but her parents jobs too.

ANBU captains

What greater honour could there be?

While other 10 year olds were playing around, she was hanging around adults, learning how to perfect her fighting styles, ninjutsu and genjutsu, but not only -

She wanted to learn medical ninjutsu, she wanted to help people, to save them, for all the times she heard all those scary stories from her parents and their friends...How they lost people, comrades, partners, friends...Because in the Great War, there was barely any medical ninja around to save them...

She couldn't allow that to happen - Not on her watch.

"Okay, class. Today, we are going to do a team activity, and we need 2 captains. Who wants that position?" Iruka-sensei asked his class, and, as expected, most of the kids nominated Kitsune, while Sasuke, Naruto and Kiba wanted to be captains themselves, and Sakura and Ino nomitated the Uchiha. This class' dynamic was always the same, and in a way, this exhausting routine was sort of comforting for the red haired fox-like girl. "Kitsune, Sasuke, step forward. As Kitsune was nominated by the most of you, she will choose first."

"I choose Shika!" in front of the class, the girl with sparkling green eyes grinned enthusiastically as she extended her arms in front of her, as a way of cordially inviting the friend she cherished the most, despite all the gasps of shock she received.

"Sh-Shikamaru? Kitsune, why not choose me first?! I'm so much stronger than that guy who just sleeps all day and is too lazy to move!" Naruto yelled at her, but she merely sweat dropped and chuckled awkwardly.

"But Shikamaru is the smartest in this class and I believe we get along very well. When forming a team, you don't have to always get the ones who are more energetic or physically stronger, but the best strategists and those with whom you can create a perfect synergy and your abilities and skills compliment each other. Having Shika on my team means that we're definitely going to win against Sasuke's team!" the girl shrugged casually, ending her explanation with a sly, incredibly fox-like smirk - One that screamed 'Victory'.

"Uh...Thanks for picking me, I guess." Shikamaru awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, before muttering his usual catch phrase "What a drag..."

Sasuke glared at the girl, despite knowing very well there was barely anyone with any kind of potential in this class, but he got around to choosing Kiba. Then, Kitsune chose Shino, while Sasuke got Choji. Kitsune got Hinata and Sasuke could barely stop himself from facepalming, but chose Sakura. Grinning at the brunet captain, Kitsune chose Ino, so Naruto was stuck with Sasuke - It was the perfect plan.

The two groups went out in the forest, in the opposite parts, and had 15 minutes to come up with a plan to steal the Captain's bandana.

"First of all, I'd like to apologise to Shika for not being able to get Choji as well. I know that the Ino-Shika-Cho formation is incredibly powerful, and that the three of you would have had an amazing synergy, but there's that. However, I'm happy that we have Shino with us, I'm sure the insects are going to scare off both Sakura and Naruto...Which reminds me, Naruto an Sasuke are going to work against each other most of the time. With Shikamaru and I as the strategist, Hinata’s Byakugan and the maturity and knowledge of Shino and Ino, we are going to make the perfect team. Besides…Ino, if you show off how strong you are, and you beat Sakura in the process, I’m sure you’re going to impress Sasuke!” Kitsune clapped her hands together, charming all of her team mates, as per usual. “Oh, but Sakura doesn’t stand a chance! She will swoon over Sasuke-kun all the time and will be completely useless! That Naruto will screw everything up for Sasuke-kun and will be loud enough to give away their position, and I’m sure he’ll argue with everyone, especially Kiba. And Choji eats all the time, I doubt he’ll do much, especially if he sees how everyone argues among themselves and does nothing good. He’s a pacifist, y’know.” Ino grinned condescendingly as she berated almost everyone in the enemy team. “Very well, then I will tell you my plan, and when I’m done, I’d like you to tell me your insight and how to perfect it, if you have any ideas. The main idea is to distract Sasuke while Shika uses his shadow to immobilize Sasuke, so I can steal away the bandana. Ino, you have to stay away from Sakura, so you won’t bicker. I need your Mind Transfer jutsu. Hinata, your Byakugan will be detrimental in finding out everyone’s location, and I have faith in your fighting abilities. Shino, of course, apart from the fact that I’m sure your insects are going to scare away some of those guys, you are a very strong fighter and very intelligent as well.” Kitsune explained simply, and everyone seemed to nod in agreement. “Actually, I think Ino, Hinata and Shino should stay together, at least in the beginning. Ino can incapacitate one person for a short amount of time, so if she stops Sasuke, I can catch him in my shadows, and you can steal away the bandana, while Shino and Hinata fight the others. Those two are sensory types, so they can find out everyone’s positions and the bugs can guide us to them.” Shika pointed out, which made the red haired girl widen her eyes at him in shock for a few seconds, only to grin widely and almost literally glow in happiness. “You’re the best, Shika! It’s always so great hanging out with you! Come on, 15 minutes passed, let’s go and win this!” she cheered to hype the others up, and it worked well enough, and it seemed to give them a little boost of confidence.

And so, they went to the middle of the forest while Hinata and Shino searched for the enemies – Who they easily found – And Kitsune and Shikamaru split up around Sasuke in a pincer formation. Just as planned, Naruto easily gave away his position, so Shino and Hinata went to fight or scare away Sakura and the others who went down faster than expected, considering they were all split up, not in groups.

When Sasuke was the last one standing, Ino used her Mind Transfer jutsu on him, Sasuke immobilized him and the fox girl stole away the bandana.

However, just as they were making their escape, Sasuke got out of his immobilized state and went to attack the group – The fox girl gave shadow boy the token of victory and told him to take the team away and make their escape, while she quickly beat the Uchiha and went back to them, only to see the Nara didn’t actually go with the others, but returned to make sure she was okay.

“Very well played, everyone. Now, the 2 captains, shake hands, and you can all go home for today.” Their teacher smiled at them, while also pointing out the obvious problems in the other team. “Hey, about about we go to the BBQ place to celebrate our win?” Ino asked, smiling triumphantly. “We can invite Sasuke too, since he tried his best, but he didn’t have a team.” Was her plan, and everyone seemed to agree – Of course, the other team wanted to join as well, so there was that, but…

“Oh, uh-uhm…S-Sorry, but I can’t come. I, uh…My parents and I are pretty busy today, haha. But I hope you have fun for me as well! Take care, guys, see ya tomorrow!” Kitsune chuckled awkwardly, rushing to go home and train with her parents.

However, she didn’t come to school the next day. Or the one after…Or the whole week, for the matter.

She was absent for almost 2 whole weeks, for the matter.

Until she wasn’t anymore.

But when she returned, she was as radiant as always.

For those who weren’t as observant as Shikamaru, that is…

What was he supposed to do, anyway? Go and confront her? No way, that would be a drag…And besides, if she wanted to talk, she’d come to him…Or someone, right?

The biggest shock of his life was, however, to come home one day from school and finding a certain red haired girl playing Shogi with his own father, and they seemed to be very comfortable with each other? And they were smiling?

“Hey, Shika! Welcome home! Oh, you got here just in time, I and your mum managed to finish cooking earlier! Go and eat something, you don’t want the food to get cold, right?” Kitsune waved at him, smiling sweetly, but the boy could only stare at both of them, incredibly confused, his eyebrows raised so far up that they almost got into his hairline. “Wh-What are you doing here? Dad, what’s going on? Why are you playing Shogi with Kitsune?” the poor boy asked, his head almost snapping from going back and forth. “Oh, w-well…I was pleasantly impressed with your intelligence and strategy, so I came here to praise you to your dad! Also, my mum said she always enjoyed learning and playing Shogi with him, so I thought I’d give it a shot too! You should have heard her, honestly, Shikaku beat me again at Shogi, you should have seen the new stunt he pulled today! It was completely revolutionary, we could totally use it in our next mission!” Kitsune laughed lightly, trying to calm the boy down a bit. “You have to be careful, son, she might just win against you if you slack off too much.” Shikaku teased his son, who could only groan and leave to eat. “Tsk…What a drag…Troublesome woman…” the boy muttered, leaving the place that got immediately much darker. “You can stay for dinner, Kitsune. We can call your mother as well, if you want. I doubt she’d have been up to cooking anything after what happened.” the Nara sighed deeply, crossing his arms and looking attentively at the frail girl in front of him, who may as well be close to shattering. “N-No…I-I…I couldn’t…Do this to her…I’m afraid…Something’s coming…Something incredibly bad…If I’m not there, who knows what will happen…Uhm…Thanks for today, Shikaku. I appreciate it. And he would have as well. See you tomorrow.” She got up and left the place in a hurry, going back home.

However, as soon as she opened the door, she called out to tell her mother…Who didn’t answer. Worried, the red haired girl went to the kitchen, hoping to do some cooking for her mother, who may have been still resting in her room…

But the sight in front of her shook her to the core, for the rest of her life… And since then, the last thing Shikamaru saw of her was her fox necklace that she left over to Shikaku the next day she went for a Shogi play.

He hated to admit it, but this woman…This woman, he actually missed, but no matter how much he pestered his father for an answer, he would only say “Soon”.

What was such an enigmatic and vague answer supposed to do to reassure and inform him in any way that he will meet her ever again?

He never even had the time to play Shogi with her, or chat properly, hang out by the field to watch the clouds go by…And graduate together, maybe even get put in the same team…

He couldn’t believe this was really happening, and for a while, he actually hated the girl for just leaving like that, without even saying goodbye to him.

Oh, if only the poor boy knew the truth…

----

Years passed, Shikamaru was already the first Chunin from his class, they already went in enough missions as teams, and were old enough to see the world in new eyes…Yet nothing could compare to what their parents saw in the Great War, so they were still green ninjas, unaware of the true horrors of this world.

He was already 16…He couldn’t believe 6 years passed since he last saw that little firecracker named after a cute fox that he used to call “friend” in his Academy days. Every year, when the day of her departure came by, he’d take the day off and go to the spot they would both spend time, watching the clouds – And for some reason, he would always see a fox shaped cloud.

It was such a drag.

However, on the 6th year, his father stopped him from going to the field, instead, asking to play Shogi, something that confused the boy greatly, but he decided he should listen to what his father had to say.

But never, in his life, would he have expected that his father finally saw him as old enough to tell him what happened to that mysterious girl who disappeared so suddenly.

He told Shikamaru everything that happened on that mission gone wrong – The Kirigakure ninjas attacking them, Kitsune’s father saving her and dying in the process, and the little girl snapping, going on a rampage, and when returning to her father’s side, she tried to revive him for so long, that he thought he wasn’t going to be able to pry her away from his body. The shock that completely stunned her, seeing herself in the reflection of the cold water, trying to scrub away the blood from her hands – Blood that wasn’t there anymore, but she kept seeing it – She tried and tried and tried to wash it off – To even claw it off – aggressively scrubbing away with her nails, leaving trails all over her arms.

And that day, when Shikamaru caught them playing Shogi – When she got home, she saw her mother hanging in the kitchen – She couldn’t take it anymore. Her mother loved her husband so much, that she couldn’t handle being without him anymore, nor could she handle staying in the same house with the daughter who looked so much like him.

Her mother committed suicide.

It was a clear sign to Kitsune that she should get the hell out of Konoha, before she would lose herself completely.

But even then, she held Shikamaru in her heart, which is why she asked Shikaku to give him her necklace before she left.

She had no idea where she wanted to go, but she had to.

And that day, when she played Shogi, the strategies she took, influenced by Shikaku’s aggressiveness in the game, made the both of them realize that the deer boy was too precious to her to sacrifice, as a mere Shogi piece.

So she left to get better and protect the last person she loved who was still alive.

And Shikamaru felt guilty for resenting her for 6 years.

---

“I wonder who’s our other team mate. Lady Tsunade didn’t say much about this person.” Ino asked, dangling her feet, bored, staying on a tree branch. “I heard it’s a girl!” Choji munched on his crisps, not really caring much. “Dad said it’s some ANBU captain or something. What a drag, that means this mission’s going to be more difficult than before…” Shikamaru groaned, slouching down. “As usual, you come up with the best strategies. It’s weirdly nice working with you again, and –“ the angelic voice of a woman was heard by the trio, who immediately perked up in curiosity, as in their field of vision, Shikamaru’s father walked by, wearing a relaxed and joking smile on his face, side by side with a much shorter individual, with long hair, kissed by fire, dressed in the usual ANBU outfit, with a fox mask covering her face, and a few weapons strapped to her back. “Is…Is this our team mate?” Ino gasped at the beauty in front of her. “I sure hope so.” Choji chuckled, nudging Shikamaru, but the boy could only stare at her, frowning, unable to utter any word. “Here’s your team, Kitsune. I’m sure you missed being around your friends –“ but Shikaku couldn’t finish his sentence, for as soon as the girl saw the brunet boy, she got rooted to the spot for a few seconds, before squealing and throwing herself in his arms, hugging him as tight as possible. “Shika!!!” she cried out, twirling around with him, not wanting to let him go. “I missed you so much, Shika~!” “K-Kitsune…? Is that really you…?” poor Shikamaru couldn’t even hug the girl back because of the extreme shock he was in, but his father’s chuckle snapped him back to reality. “Yes, silly, it’s me! I’m back.” The girl quickly took off her mask, putting it to her waist belt, flashing the same dazzling white smile of hers – The same one that completely stole his heart many years ago. “Remember me?” “Y-Yeah, ‘course I do, uhmm…” he tried to stumble over his words, despite the blush creeping on his face. “My…! You grew up so much! And you’re absolutely gorgeous! …Eh…~? Look at you, you’re so cute with red cheeks! And you’re even wearing my necklace! I’m so happy, Shika…! Your parents must be so proud to have the smartest and prettiest child in the whole Country of Fire, right Shikaku~?” the red haired girl giggled teasingly, making the poor deer boy so flustered that he had to fry her off and look away, while his friends and dad were laughing at him. “What a troublesome woman…! Tsk…Stop being so familiar with me, you’re annoying.” Shika tried to fend off, but the girl feigned that annoying puppy dog eyes that she always did when she was little and she wanted to spend time with him. “Th-Then…You didn’t miss me, Shika? At all? Not even a tiny bit?” she asked in the most pitiful voice, pouting and getting closer to his face, which in turn, killed him instantly. “…Fine, yeah, maybe, whatever. Let’s go on our mission.” The poor boy grumbled, walking ahead of everyone, not even bothering to say goodbye to his dad, as his friends were already teasing him and laughing. “He’s so cute~!” the girl grinned, carefree, following his lead.

The road to the mission’s point was filled with light chatting and some catching up, but for Shikamaru, the situation was different – Every word she uttered, he analysed and scanned, as if looking for any string of white lie that sewed together a perfectly made up story.

She wanted to learn a more diverse range of skills so she went to learn from other Ninja villages and random renowned rouge ninjas and samurais…

And, allegedly, 2 years prior, she returned and joined the ANBU, and chose only the longest missions that led farthest away from the Country of Fire.

How dubious…

“Shh, stop, here we are.” Kitsune stopped abruptly, crouching down on the branch carefully, squinting and watching like a hawk every one of the grouped up ninjas, almost as if she was peering at them under a microscope – Every micronic detail, she sketched in her mind and carefully created a plan to take them down, before snapping her fingers once to draw her team’s attention towards her. “See that guy with blue hair, tied up, and black eyes? That’s our guy. We capture him, and kill everyone else. Easy enough?” despite muttering in a low voice, her piercing gaze didn’t move for not even a single pico-second. “But…Kitsune…? I don’t mean to sound doubting…But there must be at least 50 ninjas out there, and they seem to be at least Chuunin level. And weren’t Kirigakure ninjas supposed to be bloodthirsty and to be using poison?” Ino asked, obviously very worried. “They aren’t Kirigakure ninjas, but yeah, you are right about those guys. These ones are in disguise, but not great ones, I’d have to say. See that guy with orange hair? His sleeve is raised up, and a brown tattoo can be seen, which indicates they are from Iwa. Very annoying and strong. Those stupid guys have an Iwakage who can eradicate everything in sight with that stupid particle-something jutsu of his…And they have an explosion department…Thank God I didn’t remain in Konoha…” Kitsune muttered, the corner of her mouth raising into a triumphant smirk that meant she was going to create a blood bath. “Explosions?! How can we protect ourselves against that?” Choji was almost comically trembling, eating crisps even more rapidly than before. “Unfortunately for you, neither has a Lightning chakra nature, so we can’t actively deactivate them…However…I trained with the best puppet master in the world, who so happens to have as a partner the most fanatic, yet talented bomb artist, so I know how to go against these guys. Shika, Ino, I want you to make sure you get the leader away from the group. Since you can get in his body, just say you need to pee or something, and that you’ll be back, which is when Shikamaru will use his shadows to get him towards us, and then three of you will protect him, while I kill this lot, got it?” she asked, finally snapping from her hawk-like self and taking out her weapons, soaking them in poison with a wet cloth. “That’s not the best strategy, I’d say. We do nothing, while you do all the work. I am more than one-man hit, y’know? I grew up and trained too. I can get at least 20 of those guys.” Shikamaru’s annoyed voice perked up, surprising the girl, who could only blink and look at him with big, almost fawn-like eyes. “I never doubted any of you for a second, and if it seemed that way, I apologise sincerely. Thing is, I’m an ANBU, and out of all of you, only you, Shikamaru, promoted to Chuunin. Now, I’m not saying that these grades matter, because they don’t, but at the same time, I’m responsible for you, and I don’t want to go home with one of you dead in my arms, and having to hold your funeral. I told Tsunade to let me do this alone, but she insisted I pair up with you. I want you all to promise you won’t get in my way and attack, unless necessary, got it? As I said, I absolutely REFUSE to get your blood on my hands, capiche?” Kitsune’s voice became very dry, dark and poisonous very fast, which made the blonde and chestnut haired ninjas gulp and nod fiercely, while the brunet only frowned in anger. “We aren’t 10 year old anymore, Kitsune, and neither are you. This ain’t the mission you went to 6 years ago, and nobody will die on your watch, got it? If you keep being afraid of taking risks, you’ll fail.” Shikamaru got closer to her face, arguing her plan. “Shikaku told you what happened, didn’t he? Well, I should have known, it was bound to happen. Nonetheless, as I said, I’m the leader of the team. You do as I say, or you go home. I will have NOBODY’S blood on my hands. Now go do your jobs and do NOT put yourselves in danger unless I say so.” Kitsune, for the last time, warned the trio, then got up, took off her konoha forehead protector and switched it to a rogue-one, then put back her fox mask and raising her arms up, she attached chakra string to each and every ninja, except the target. “Now, Ino, Shikamaru, go get him.” She commanded in such a dark and monotone voice, almost as if she suddenly transformed into the villain of the series.

Despite disagreeing with the plan, the two did as were told, and very easily, lured their victim into the perfectly placed trap, and now, the trio were his guard.

Further, Kitsune grinne widely behind her mask, chuckling and jumping down from the tall tree, as she used her fire chakra to burn the string, and in turn, the victims they were attached to. With incredible speed and agility, she jumped in the middle of the group and started slicing left and right mercilessly, losing herself in the bloodlust that was surging through her veins, her mind completely away from reality, but in a whole new universe – Of killing strategy.

…That is, until familiar voices – Screams, rather – Resounded through the forest, which completely snapped her away from her concentration, and in turn, getting cut and scratched in various places.

Her eyes saw it easily – The leader escaped their grasp and ran to attempt to kill her, but Shikamaru tried to fight him, and failed, and now Ino was trying heal him. But she was crying. She wasn’t a good enough medical ninja yet. Kitsune knew that feeling all too well.

“Scrub it off. Clean it off. Take it off. Claw it off. Rip it off. Saw it off. Carve it off. Rinse it off. Wash it off. Cut it off –“ kept going into her mind, unusually loud, almost throwing her off her game.

With a raw growl, close to animalistic, she saw red in front of her, and burnt everything in her paths, slashing, dashing, cutting and ripping apart every living being there, sans the leader, whom she managed to immobilize and knock out with the help of Choji. Without sparing any second, she ran to Shikamaru’s side and fell to her knees, roughly pushing Ino aside.

It was an impulsive rush of rage, for she snatched away her mask and forehead protector and threw them as far away as possible, before shrieking at the deer boy for being so stupid.

“Scrub it off. Clean it off. Take it off. Claw it off. Rip it off. Saw it off. Carve it off. Rinse it off. Wash it off. Cut it off –“ those words just wouldn’t stop screeching at her.

“YOU FUCKING IDIOT, SHIKAMARU, I TOLD YOU TO BE CAREFUL, DAMN IT! I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU!” she gripped so tightly at her hair that Ino thought she was going to rip it all off. “If you dare die…I will never forgive you. Never, you get it? Never. Not you. Of all people…You’re the last one alive…So you can’t. I refuse to allow you that. You don’t have the permission to leave me. Ever. Got it?” the red head growled lowly, getting one of her hands inside his chest, performing cardiac massage, and cursed herself for remembering that mission long ago, when she had to do the same thing with her father – But this time, Shikamaru was still alive, and she was sure this time around – No more lies or delusions.

“Scrub it off. Clean it off. Take it off. Claw it off. Rip it off. Saw it off. Carve it off. Rinse it off. Wash it off. Cut it off –“ she needed bloody therapy, she knew that, otherwise those words were going to be the death of her.

With her other hand, she used her other hand to prop up his head and give him CPR, once again, cursing herself for having to do something like this, when she hoped everyone would remain safe and she would, one day, share a sweet kiss with him – Not have to save his life like that.

“Scrub it off. Clean it off. Take it off. Claw it off. Rip it off. Saw it off. Carve it off. Rinse it off. Wash it off. Cut it off –“ they were louder and louder, causing almost a physical discomfort, as if someone was grating her brain.

Once, twice, thrice, and more, so much more – Sasori taught her healing ninjutsu well, and she was confident in her abilities, but there was always that speck of fear and PTSD that was creeping in the back of her mind, reminding her of her past failure.

But the puppet master was an excellent teacher, and she, in turn, was a hard-working and diligent student, so there was no way she was going to put the man she loved on the list of people she let die.

“Scrub it off. Clean it off. Take it off. Claw it off. Rip it off. Saw it off. Carve it off. Rinse it off. Wash it off. Cut it off –“ SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP

“Argh…Too close…” a hand suddenly pushed her aside weakly, and a cough snapped her out of her focused mindset – And blinking away to reality, she realized that the Nara boy was sitting in front of her, breathing normally, and coughing a bit, wearing a scowl on his face.

“Scrub it off. Clean it off. Take it off. Claw it off. Rip it off. Saw it off. Carve it off. Rinse it off. Wash it off. Cut it off –“ the threat is over now, you can stop already, he’s not dead...Like your parents.

“…Oh thank goodness…” Kitsune groaned, letting herself fall on her back, looking up at the sky, her nails digging into her arms now, trying to snap herself back to reality completely. “I won’t forgive you for the stunt you pulled.” She muttered absent-minded, not caring about anyone around her anymore. “…What a troublesome woman. She’s gonna scold me all the way back home. Great.” Shika tried to chuckle, lighting up the mood, but the red haired girl was already on her feet, tying up the target and carrying it, walking in the direction of the village, without saying another word – Her face now again, covered with her mask, showing that she didn’t want to be approached in any way. “Shikamaru, you insensitive idiot! You, jerk! Is that how you treat the woman you love?! She was just worried about you, and you throw away words like that?! Go and apologise right now!” Ino shouted at him, nagging him like she was his mum, so much that the boy could only sigh and drag his hands down his face in annoyance and resentment.

And he actually tried, for once, to reconcile properly, but the only words that she told him were “You have to rest properly when you get home.” And then she just rushed farther and farther ahead.

And that’s just what he did, as the girl guided him home, let the others go to theirs as well, while she went to the Hokage to report to the mission.

After taking a nap and resting, as advised, he left his bedroom and went to the kitchen, seeing his mother frowning, which confused him.

“What happened?” he asked, knowing something was up. “Well…Nothing, really. Your dad is playing Shogi with Kitsune…And I just remembered her mother and the good times when we were friends. Too bad the good ones always die first.” Yoshino sighed, sweeping absent-minded. “Uhm…Y-Yeah…I guess.” He muttered, not having a clue what to say in such a situation. “Won’t you be a dear and tell her to remain for dinner? Poor girl, she’s been all alone since she was 10…I can’t imagine how horrible it must have been…” but she stopped herself before saying anything more that would have upset her, so Shikamaru left the room, believing that letting her just be would have been better.

However, instead of making his presence known, he decided to just open the door ever so slightly, enough to peep from behind and watch the interaction going –

Kitsune was sitting in front of the Shogi table, her head slightly hung, her outfit still unchanged – And she said no word, but it wasn’t clear if she was listening to his father either.

“You can take off your mask now, Kitsune. The mission is over. You can get dressed in Shikamaru’s clothes. Why don’t you sleep over?” Shikaku tried to get a response out of her, even beginning the match, but she seemed to be in her own mind. “No.” she finally muttered after a while, yet she made her move as well, almost robotically. “Kitsune. The mission is over. You can relax now. You are allowed to. You did well and nobody got hurt. Get out of your mission-mind, you’re home now.” The man tried again, but it was clear the aura around the girl became more and more agitated. “Shikamaru almost died.” She pointed out bitterly. “As far as I’m concerned, my son is sleeping in his room as usual. He didn’t complain about his team leader, nor of any injury or danger. If he is fine, so should you be. You can’t take anyone’s pain.” His father spoke again, and with each word, he found himself nodding in agreement. “I ALMOST KILLED YOUR FUCKING SON, SHIKAKU! ARE YOU DEAD? ARE YOU BRAIN-DEAD?! GET ANGRY! YELL AT ME! BEAT ME UP! SCOWL, CURSE ME, INSULT ME…FUCKING DO SOMETHING! YOU ALMOST HELD YOUR SON’S FUNERAL BECAUSE OF ME! I am the one who killed your 2 best friends, and now I almost killed your son too! Why aren’t you reacting in any way?!” the fire outburst of the girl scared the boy out of his wits, flinching when she slammed her fist on the Shogi table, breaking it in two, all pieces getting propelled in different directions, as she shouted at the irritatingly-calm man in front of her. “I will do no such thing, Kitsune, because, first of all, I am not mad at you. It was not your fault, I tell you now, the same as I told you before. It wasn’t you who killed your parents, nor was it you who endangered my son. We are all ninjas, and we serve with our lives on the line. Unexpected surprises always happen, and we can’t predict everything, but we can do our best to avoid them.” Shikamaru’s heart was close to bursting with emotions and words that he wanted to let out, as he felt his fingers digging deep into the wood of the sliding door. “I. Almost. Killed. Shikamaru.” The girl hung her head down, prying away her mask and throwing it away in disgust, her long, fire-red hair completely hiding her tear-stained face. “I argued with him. I insulted him. I cursed him. I yelled at him. In the end, he almost died…Because of me. And…It was just like back then. Almost perfectly like back then. They weren’t paying attention, the enemy escaped, he tried to protect me and got hurt…And I got soaked in his blood. My hands was grasping his heart, and I was helping it pump more and more blood…I was helping him breathe…And all I could do was pray…And pray…And pray again…That he won’t end up like them…But I’m selfish, Shikaku. I didn’t think of you, nor that I almost killed your son. I was only thinking about my own self. I’m selfish and I don’t deserve him.” Her voice become so soft, so broken, as she trembled and sobbed in her hands, not being able to stop the flow of tears and emotions from running astray. “Kitsune…Shikamaru doesn’t hate you, nor is he blaming you for what happened. Stop blaming yourself for things that were inevitable. The most important thing is that you were able to save him and bring him back home safely.” His father sighed, yet his eyes were looking with understanding at the pitiful girl – He knew very well the heartbreak of loss and he didn’t wish it upon anyone, especially such a sensitive young girl. “Scrub it off. Clean it off. Take it off. Claw it off. Rip it off. Saw it off. Carve it off. Rinse it off. Wash it off. Cut it off...That’s the only thing that kept going through my mind, over and over and over again, and I couldn’t stop it! Just like back then...I couldn’t control it. I swore I was going crazy. I was sure he was going to die, and I would remain with his blood on my hands for ages, no matter how hard I’d try to wash it off or even burn away the skin on my hands.” she was shaking so much now, digging her claw-like nails deep into her arms, dragging down and scratching her skin, almost giving herself a sort of comfort, knowing she was still alive, and so was Shikamaru. ”You have nobody’s blood on your hands, Kitsune, understand that. It wasn’t you who killed your parents, no matter how you put it. You tried to save them, but they were beyond saving from anyone. There was nothing you could have done.” Shikaku tried to remind the catatonic girl once again. “…If Shikamaru dies, all the people I ever loved won’t be on this Earth anymore…So there is no reason to live anymore…No matter what, Shikamaru, out of all the people in the world, MUST live. If he gets in danger again, I think I’ll go insane.” She gritted her teeth as her hands made her way into her hair, gripping at it painfully, until the whole world stopped – And once again, time and space were absent from this house –

“I think he feels the same about you.” Shikaku smiled, seeing his son frowning at the girl from behind the door, and motioning to him to get out of there and take the reigns properly, like a man. “What would you know?!” she sneered at him, snapping her head up, only to see the man getting up to leave, and, to her surprise, a pair of arms sneaking around her, pulling her into a tight hug from behind. It was the deer boy, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck.

“You’re such a troublesome woman, you know that, right? When I said you were going to scold me, I was hoping you’d do that. I hoped it would help you relax and vent away your frustrations. I never imagined you’d get so upset over it. Sorry I screwed up your plan, neither of us were paying attention to our target…We were worried about you so we were looking at you…I’m sorry.” He spoke in the most sincere voice she ever heard him speaking, and she couldn’t help but start crying again, turning around and letting herself melt in his embrace, burying her face into his chest and gripping tightly at his shirt. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I screwed up everything – From 6 years ago, to even now, I’m so sorry, Shika. I should have told you everything, but I couldn’t and I screwed up everything.” She kept apologizing over and over, but the boy couldn’t understand why, so instead of saying anything, he cupped her face and placed a short, yet very soft and sweet kiss on her lips, hoping to snap her out of it. “Stop blaming yourself for nothing. I won’t die, and you won’t die, okay? We’re the smartest people around, I’m sure we can screw with everyone. Just the two of us, together. Now, come on, get up, fox girl. It’s getting late, and mum’s gonna yell at me if we don’t go eat dinner while it’s still hot. Let’s find you some comfy clothes.” He helped her get up and guided her to his room, giving her a loose white Tshirt and some comfy pants. “Well…I guess I make even leisure clothes look fashion.” She admired herself in the mirror, posing and grinning in amusement, making the boy chuckle. “Yeah, ‘course you do. But, before that…Here. It just wouldn’t be fair if I was the only one wearing one.” Saying that, Shikamaru took out a deer necklace from his pocket and put it around her slender neck, before taking his own fox necklace from under his shirt, and letting it dangle out to compliment hers. “…Haha, you kept it. How nice. I don’t know about you, but if you ask me, we can’t get more soulmate-y than that.” She chuckled, squishing his cheeks and pulling him into a deep kiss that was more playful than anything, yet still dazed him a bit, as he let himself get dragged to the kitchen where his parents were waiting for them. They smiled at each other seeing the two teenagers smiling so carefree, so happy at each other – And those symbolic animal necklaces, almost dangling towards each other, like Yin tried to get closer to Yang, and vice versa. “Tomorrow, we are SO going to go and make fun of Ino and Sakura for being obsessed over Sasuke, when we have the perfect relationship right here! Ha! They’re gonna be so jealous!” she smirked mischievously, and the boy could only shake his head, but chuckle at her nonetheless. “What did I get myself into…You troublesome woman.” He nudged her playfully, and it was one of the first times that anyone around saw him not so lazy. “Fine, fine, we can go to BBQ after with Choji, if you want. Sounds fair enough, doesn’t it? My treat.” She flashed him a charming smile, and he could only shrug in agreement. “You’ll get broke, but you said it, can’t take it back now. You clearly forgot how much Choji eats.” Shikamaru teased her, but she only smirked wider. “I lived as a bounty hunter for years before I got back, Shikamaru. I could buy a villa right now. I’m sure I can afford a meal for my friends.” She flipped her hair and winked playfully at the boy next to her.

The next day, just as promised, she dragged her new boyfriend around to brag about him and how awesome he is, and all that, all while he would just blush and grumble in the background, but at least the BBQ hang out was fun and they had a good laugh, as all friends do.

When all was over, she had him go by to her home to get a neatly wrapped, big gift from her living room, and then went back to his home, before handing him the present.

“Here, open it. It’s not the best…But I’m sorry for my outburst. It was uncalled for, and I’m really, really sorry for destroying it. This…This was my parents’ Shogi table and…You should have it. And my parents were best friends with your parents…So yeah. Please take it. And I’m sorry again.” She urged him to open it already, and inside, as she mentione, a beautiful Shogi table, on the back of it, her parents names being carved, inside a heart. “O-Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. You can have your dad shave it off, cover it, or something, I don’t mind. It’s yours now.” She awkwardly scratched the back of her head, but the boy merely shook his head. “No, it’s perfect as it is. Come on, why don’t we go out in the forest? I’m sure you want to see the deer.” He carefully placed the Shogi table on his futon and guided her out. “And we can watch the stars in your garden tonight?” she smiled at him sweetly. “Yeah, sure, we can do that. Sounds nice.”

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fairycosmos · 3 years

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this is random but like obviously we're in an internet culture or whatever where mental illnesses are basically being glamorized under the guise of "awareness" like it's cool to brag about depression/anxiety now and I absolutely hate it like I feel like we're sometimes moving backwards but also with that has come this weird "anti-recovery" stance a lot where like people completely disregard like meditation or going on a walk because they're like "OH YEAHHHH thankksss my depression is cured now 🙄" and like obviously no one is saying depression goes away by doing that stuff but it also makes life more enjoyable?? like going on a walk on a sunny day definitely brings more happiness to you than laying on your bed in the dark that can't just be disregarded because it's not a full on cure (also, meditation has quite a bit of science surrounding it about it's effects on the mind). i saw a tweet earlier that was like "students with anxiety should not be forced to present in class" and I understand the sentiment (and I also understand it's not the same thing as my example before) but as someone who had severe anxiety since childhood, like literally would cry before presentations, being forced to do presentations is what made me slightly less anxious. ofc it's not the same for everyone but almost every job requires presentations and life in general requires you to speak to people and the whole point of recovery is to be able to function a little bit better in life. idk I feel like the purpose gets ignored so much in the name of accomodations. I'm not saying accomodations shouldn't be made (they absolutely should in many cases) , but I feel like being in that fixed mindset that you're life *can't* be changed for the better is such a dangerous idea prevalent on the internet. sorry for this random rant I just needed to get it out lol

omg yessss >:( lets Dis Cus this bc it irks me too and i can’t sleep. to be honest throughout my teenage years i feel like i’ve noticed this very weird mentality just continue to develop online when it comes to mental illness. on the one hand it’s clear that most ppl esp kids can not afford or do not have access to the treatment they need - like they don’t have any real world support so they just turn to the internet without thinking too much ab it. but because of that it’s a well of misinfo with literally no boundaries or critical thought. there’s definitely this self pitying competitive almost passive aggressive, even infantilizing, aspect to the way the topic is approached. like most therapists will give you these same standard self help techniques - go for a walk, do some meditation, breathing exercises - not to cure the mental disorder but to alleviate the effects of it in the moment. and i think teenagers or even ppl in general just like brushing that off bc it makes them feel like their pain is just simply too unique and deep to be confronted lmfao. also they often make their depression and anxiety a whole personality trait which causes them to take any well intentioned suggestion offered as a personal attack. when it comes to presenting in class, i’m kinda on the fence. i don’t think anyone should be forced, i think it should be a case by case sort of thing. maybe modifying for each individual child’s needs. for example, if a kid is really anxious over presenting in front of the class, the teacher could perhaps allow them to present in front of a smaller group instead so they still get the experience of public speaking without that much pressure, you know? and then they could work on building up to going in front of a bigger crowd bit by bit. i only say that bc i know different ppl respond differently to that sort of thing and i used to miss a lot of school out of pure (mental illness induced) fear which was just overall bad for me LOL. like you said accommodations come in handy when necessary i totally agree w that. anyway yeah like it doesn’t surprise me that a group of ppl dealing with often untreated mental illnesses can’t see any hope/ don’t believe in self improvement, but it’s super harmful rhetoric to spread as a universal truth bc like. the majority of mental illnesses absolutely CAN be controlled and you CAN live a whole healthy life if you learn how to cope with the specific makeup of you own brain. it’s sad to see children thinking they’re beyond help or a lost cause like that’s truly practically never the case :( theyre not even done developing, nothing is final you know. but ig it really feels that way in the moment and i totally understand that so i won’t undermine it. it just sux to see !! and adults should def be more mindful of that :( dw about the rant i gave you one back lmfaooo x

#anon

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coccinelle-et-chaton · 3 years

Text

*slips you a twenty*

Hey kid wanna read some lit fanfics?

I just updated my blog with a link to all my AO3 works

Also...... Chapter 8 of The Wall Between Us is up and it’d be cool if you read it or whatever, a bunch of us are gonna be there, we’re gonna cry and order pizza and suffer for the love square it’s gonna be cool

Read Chapter 8 on AO3 Start from the beginning here

Or on this post below the cut!

The Wall Between Us

Summary: Marinette is left to pick up the pieces after losing her chance with Adrien and having Master Fu give up his memories to protect the Miraculous Box. She struggles to find her ground as the new Guardian, and finds unexpected support in Luka Couffaine. Simultaneously, Adrien is learning how to navigate his emotions and slowly growing into his role as future co-guardian, and in the process realizes important truths about his feelings for Kagami, Marinette, and Ladybug. When Ladybug tells Chat Noir that as the Guardian, she is okay with not only revealing their identities but also entrusting her secret to close friends of hers, things become unequivocally complicated for the superhero duo. Will Marinette and Adrien be able to sort through their feelings and do what’s best for the Miraculous team?

Chapter 8

By the time Gabriel and Natalie had returned from their business trip to Seoul–and really, Adrien wasn’t even sure they had been gone at all due to the fact Akumas were aplenty during their absence– he had already extracted a good volume of information to make a case for his suspicions.

He hadn’t found the evidence he needed to prove that his father was indeed Hawkmoth, but instead he had found years of badly-filed fiscal reports, personnel that had been hired and fired under very mysterious conditions, some sort of project for the mansion that his father paid millions for which Adrien had never seen, and the one that irked him the most: audits from France’s Child Protection Services, fines, and ‘cease and desist’ letters warning Gabriel that he was putting Adrien under too many work hours.

That, he discovered, was the real reason why Adrien had been allowed to go to school in the first place. It wasn’t that Natalie had made him a favor: They enrolled him so that Child Protection Services would get off the brand’s neck for forcing Adrien on a part-time job when he wasn’t even sixteen yet.

All of Adrien’s findings were pretty incriminatory, not to mention infuriating, but none were exactly what he was looking for. And yet, it was one of those things that once you have considered, you cannot help but keep seeing.

“Adrien, would you like to explain to me why you have been missing your extracurricular activities for the past two weeks?” Natalie said with a stern voice one morning, as Adrien meticulously chewed on his oatmeal breakfast.

The fiery urgency to flip a table, which had taken a hold of him lately any time Natalie or his father addressed him, surged like a geyser.

“I just didn’t feel like attending,” he said politely, without looking up.

Natalie was taken aback by his answer. “Excuse me?”

Adrien looked up this time. “I didn’t feel like attending,” he repeated. “You weren’t here, and I just didn’t feel like going.”

“You know if you start doing poorly, your father will have you homeschooled again and–”

“And what? He’s gonna lock me up again? Is that it? Wouldn’t people start asking questions?” he demanded.

Natalie blinked, completely caught off guard by Adrien’s sudden rudeness. “This is no way to be talking to your–”

“My what? My dad’s assistant? You’re not my babysitter, not my teacher, and certainly not my mother. I can do whatever I want.”

Natalie composed herself and marched swiftly out of the dining room.

“Kid, what the hell?” Plagg hissed from inside his shirt. “That’s a dumb way to get caught.”

“I’m sorry,” he muttered back. “I’m just… I’m so angry at them! I can’t stop thinking about all this stuff that I found, and just… the idea of them being–well, you know who. It’s making me see in red.”

He marched to the patio and went into his car, where, to his surprise, he found he’d be sharing a ride with his father.

He felt Plagg jabbing his little paws at him as if to say, “I told you so.”

“F-father. Good morning.”

“Drive, George,” Gabriel instructed. After a silence, he spoke again without looking at Adrien. “You think you’re so smart, don’t you? Disrespecting Natalie like that, blatantly disregarding your responsibilities, and giving the brand bad publicity.”

He threw a newspaper at Adrien’s lap. It was from a few days ago. Apparently his sudden outburst at the crowd of harassers in the skate park had made it into the news.

“I’m beginning to think it was a mistake to give you this much freedom.”

Adrien gulped, shuddering with sudden terror.

“Perhaps it will be better if you go back to being tutored at home. Or even better, I’ll send you to a boarding school where I don’t have to deal with your carelessness anymore.”

Adrien gasped. “Please… please don’t. Don’t send me away.”

“You’re not feeling so brave and boldened now, are you? Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Adrien didn’t move. He didn’t dare speak, breathe, blink.

The car had stopped already, they were at the steps of the school. His friends were all hanging at the entrance and had spotted him.

“Your lack of words doesn’t surprise me. You’re just a naive, spoiled little boy who can’t begin to understand the sacrifices I make for this family… You’re dismissed.”

Adrien opened the door, not yet getting off the car.

“Are you going to take me off school?”

“No. Take it as a gesture of good will, and a warning. Stay. In. Line.”

“I-if you send me away, people will start wondering what happened,” he said with a small voice. “They’ll ask questions.”

“And what sort of questions would those be, son?”

At Adrien’s silence, Gabriel sighed. “Close the door. Have a good day.”

He got up and stood in front of the car, breathing deeply so as to not give into the urge to cry.

“I can’t wait to be eighteen to get away from you,” he said and smashed the door close as hard as he could, then sprinted into the school building, afraid that Gabriel might order George to stick him back in the car.

Regrettably, all his friends, Marinette included, saw the display unfold.

It was Nino the one who ran after him.

“Hey, dude, everything alright?” Nino said, as he caught up with him in the locker room.

“Hey Nino, good morning!” he chirped with sunny disposition.

The sudden contrast between what he had seen at the school entrance and then, gave Nino whiplash.

“Erm. Yes, good morning. Don’t ignore my question.”

“Nothing happened,” he said shrugging. “Come on, we’ll be late for—”

Nino yanked the strip from his messenger bag and forced him to stop. “Cut the crap, Adrien. I saw. Is everything alright?”

Adrien’s mask of optimism wavered, but he fought hard to keep it in place. “Yes, Nino. Everything’s alright. I promise.”

Nino sighed, not impressed. “Okay, if you say so.”

As they went into the classroom, Adrien saw from the corner of his eye how Nino shook his head discreetly at the girls. He had been right not to tell him. He knew those two would also want to know what happened. He didn’t want to cause hysteria. However, a more pressing thought occupied his mind for the rest of the day.

Given his regrettable display of temper, and though his father said he wouldn’t pull him out of school, Adrien knew not to trust it. One could never anticipate what his father would do just to stay in control. It worried him that he may have crossed a line that would be difficult to come back from. His father might increase his security, might actually pull him out of school. Not ideal, if his hunch was actually right.

He had to tell Ladybug what he knew as fast as possible.

On the lunch break, he excused himself to the bathroom, taking the burner phone with him to send Ladybug a message:

I DECIDED I’M READY TO REVEAL MY IDENTITY. SOMETHING CAME UP. DON’T WORRY, I’M NOT IN DANGER. BUT WOULD IT BE OKAY IF WE MEET AT THE HANG OUT TODAY? PLEASE WRITE ME BACK AS SOON AS YOU GET THIS.

He kept inconspicuously checking the burner phone for the rest of the day, getting no answer from Ladybug whatsoever. It made him restless. What if she was in danger?

No, she couldn’t be. There would have been an Akuma attack or something.

Still, he was worried, and he knew he couldn’t afford to go back home that day without having told Ladybug about his suspicions, so he resolved to drop by the hang-out anyway later that day. Natalie and George would pick him up after fencing, which gave him enough time to swing there and come back.

It only occurred to him that this might not be the greatest idea once he found himself sans transformation, standing at the door of the hide-out.

What if she wasn’t there today? What if she’s shocked by learning who he is?

He shook his head. No. This was an emergency. He had to do it now, so he ringed the bell.

He texted: LB DID YOU GET MY MESSAGE?

Almost immediately, he got a text back: YES :) I AM HERE. WAIT A SEC. WILL OPEN THE DOOR SOON.

His heartbeat so fast he could hear his pulse. He was short of breath and felt as if his knees would buckle under him at any second.

He heard some voices, then someone approaching to open the door.

Adrien felt temped to open it himself just get over the painful anticipation. The seconds extended for an eternity.

And then, all of a sudden, he was greeted with a most confused Alya Cesaire.

“Alya?”

She crumpled her face, perplexed. “Adrien? What are you doing–”

From inside the house, Adrien distinctly heard the voice of none other than Marinette. “Alya? Is that him?”

It took him a fraction of a second to figure out something that had taken him two–almost three now– years to realize. It felt as if time had stopped and then abruptly resumed, pushing him into a turbulent shore of angry waves.

All of a sudden, it was hard to breathe, impossible to buoy to the surface for a gasp of air. His voice caught up in his throat.

He figured it out.

“Alya?” Marinette repeated from inside the house as Alya stood petrified in front of Adrien, realizing exactly who he was.

“Don’t–” he said gasping. “Don’t tell her,” he pleaded and then darted away as fast as he could possibly run, only stopping when the tears completely blurred his vision.

Back at the house, Marinette was trembling from the utter anticipation. She had requested that Alya come with her to meet Chat. She wasn’t sure she could take it by herself and she needed someone for moral support.

The seconds of wait stringed into whole minutes of silence and Marinette forced herself to march to the front of the house, where Alya was still clinging to the frame.

She was… were those tears? Was she crying?

“Alya?” she asked with trepidation. “What happened?”

“Chat— Oh, Marinette!” She gasped. “Chat was here. He was–he wasn’t transformed.”

Dread came over Marinette’s expression. “Where is he?” she insisted urgently, “What happened?”

“He– he’s gone. Mari, you need to talk to him. You–we… we know him.”

She blinked, too shocked to let fear take ahold of her. “What? Who is he?”

Alya shook her head. “I can’t tell you.”

“Why?” Marinette demanded.

“Marinette, I can’t tell you. You’ll never forgive me if I do… Just… You have to go talk to him, Mari.”

Marinette sprinted outside, hoping to catch a glimpse of ‘someone she knew’, but it was the beginning of rush hour and the streets flooded with commuters, anonymizing everyone. She called and called and called him. Left him voice mail after voice mail, message after message:

CHAT NOIR PLEASE PICK UP! I’M WORRIED, PLEASE!

CHAT.

CHAT PLEASE.

ALYA SAYS YOU KNOW HER, SO MAYBE YOU ALSO KNOW ME... I’M SORRY IF YOU’RE DISAPPOINTED IT’S ME. CAN WE PLEASE JUST TALK?

MINOU. PLEASE. TALK TO ME.

CHAT NOIR, I KNOW YOU’RE MAD. PLEASE, JUST… PLEASE PICK UP.

Chat Noir did not pick up the phone and Marinette, well, Marinette had not been this brokenhearted since Adrien had started dating Kagami, and that was saying something.

Adrien didn’t sleep that night. He hadn’t cried this much since he lost his mother, hadn’t felt this much either.

He never was one to give into negative emotions, but when they got the best of him, they pulled him deep into an abyss that was hard to crawl out of. If any butterflies came flying his way, he wouldn’t have known. Plagg kept guard the entire night.

“I can’t do this anymore, Plagg,” he confessed. “I can’t–I can’t be Chat Noir anymore. It hurts too much.”

“Kid don’t say things like that,” said Plagg as Adrien sobbed. “I’m sure there’s a way to fix this.”

“She loves someone else,” he cried. “I can’t… She’ll never love me, Plagg. It doesn’t matter if I wear the mask or not.”

“That’s not true,” Plagg said, fetching the burner phone. “Look at how worried that poor thing is for you.”

Adrien kept crying. “She doesn’t love me the way I love her. I won’t stand in her way.”

The next morning, Adrien had to put on very little effort to act indisposed for school. He hadn’t come down with anything, but he felt sick. At one point during the night, he had been so caught up in his crisis that he ended up emptying his stomach. In the morning he had woken up from the few hours of sleep he managed to clock in with an insulting headache and even worse nausea than before.

He called in sick and remitted to his room for the next couple days.

It was funny. He never remembered feeling safe or at home in his room. It was too big, too cold for him and somehow at the same time, too small, too stuffy. It was as if his dad had tried to fit in the entire world inside it in the hopes that he’d never want to see the real thing himself.

It wasn’t comfort what made him feel like he belonged there. It was the fact that for once, his surroundings completely matched his state of mind. This is how he felt: as empty and grey as the mansion had been since his mother disappeared, as much of a prisoner as his father intended for him to be.

He groaned at the sound of his civilian phone chiming non-stop with messages from Nino asking if his father had done something to him, Marinette offering him any help if he needed it–these were the ones that hurt him the most to read–, and finally, Alya, who was not sending messages so much as entire monologues begging him to answer at least Ladybug.

He turned off both his civilian phone and the one for Ladybug, hoping there would be no Akumas while he was in this state.

With Chat gone, Marinette regressed into the sort of grief that shut her down when she became the Guardian. She didn’t stop showing up to school, mainly at Alya’s pressing insistence, but it was evident to the class that something was going on with her again.

A few of her more curious friends and acquaintances ask her if everything’s alright with Luka, which only added to her mortification. She hadn’t been herself these past days and she wasn’t exactly sure she’d be able to explain to Luka why she was so brokenhearted without giving her identity away; why Chat’s sudden rejection was way more painful than anything she ever had to go through. So, against her better judgement, she decided to ignore him for a couple days, at least until she was able to sort her head through the situation.

The truth is Chat’s disappearance–not only this one but every time he’s been convinced he’s not cut out to be her partner–hurled her into a spiral of helplessness not just because she couldn’t fathom doing this without him. There was another reason, one she always purposefully ignored.

It’s like she had told Alya: She had feelings for Chat Noir. It had become easier to ignore them with time, and especially when she could just invest all of her romantic attention on Adrien before Luka came around. But the thing with being in love with Adrien is that she was in love with the idea of him. The idea of being together if she could only one day bring herself to tell him. He was an outlet of sorts–more often than Marinette liked to admit out loud– to feelings she could never show, as they were forbidden.

The second reason why Marinette always fell into despair when Chat Noir surrendered or try to surrender his ring, was because she actually loved him. If she was honest, completely, absolutely honest, she loved him. But she could never tell him, it was Master Fu’s orders not to get involved with him, not to reveal their identities. She maneuvered through those restrictions by effectively fooling herself into believing that one day, in the far future when Hawkmoth was defeated and the stakes wouldn’t be so high, she’d tell him and then everything would be okay. She’d tell him the way you admit to a school crush on one of those high school reunions or unlikely encounters as adults.

Chat surrendering his ring always cut that fantasy short.

What is worse, Marinette realized, was that this time she wasn’t using the idea of someone to distract herself from the way she felt. She was using Luka. Luka, who has been nothing but supportive and absolutely selfless. Luka, who loved her, who didn’t deserve to be treated like this.

Marinette cried in part because this was Chat being typical Chat. But also, because she realized she would eventually need to let go of Luka, and she didn’t want to do that, no matter how wrong it was to keep him to herself. Maybe she just needed to try harder, maybe she just needed to shut down the idea of Chat as she had done before.

The problem was that ignoring him was impossible in this circumstance. Ladybug was about to lose her Cat for good.

“Mari,” Alya said softly as she rubbed her friend’s back as Marinette sprawled over her lap. They were in Marinette’s room. “I think he was just shocked. He’ll come around.”

“But what if he doesn’t?” she asked desperately. “I can’t do this without him, Alya. You-you wouldn’t understand. I can’t explain it… I just can’t do it if he’s not there.”

Alya gave her a pained smile.

Oh, this was all so rotten, Alya thought. And Marinette didn’t even know the beginning of it. Alya found herself wondering what would have happened if they had actually revealed their identities before things got complicated off and on the hero costume. It probably would have saved everyone a whole lot deal of pain.

“He will,” she reassured him. “Trust me, he will.”

Alya gave it a few days. But when the end of a week arrived and there was still no sign of Adrien, she decided she probably overestimated him. Nino was mad at him for virtually disappearing, Marinette was growing worried that something had happened to him, not to mention that his disappearance as Chat Noir was truly causing a number on her.

So, she did what she did best: take action.

She asked her teachers for Adrien’s homework worksheets and on she went Friday after school to confront what would be very possibly a mess even bigger than Marinette’s.

She sighed, rang at the gate of the Agrestes’ mansion and waited for the camera to activate.

“Yes?”

“Hello, Miss Sancoeur. I’m Alya, I’m in Adrien’s class. I’m here to give him his work for the week he missed.”

“Deposit it on the bin, please,” Natalie said, as an automated door slid open. to receive the packet of books.

“Actually, I was hoping I could see him? There’s a few things that our Social Studies teacher asked me to explain to him about a specific assignment,” she said, beaming.

“Adrien has come down with a bad case of the flu, I am sure it wouldn’t be safe for you.”

“Don’t worry ma’am. I got all my shots up to date.”

Natalie sighed and after a few minutes of deliberation, the gates opened. She met Alya at the front door and directed her to the floor where Adrien’s room was. “Down the hall, first door to the right,” she instructed. “I have to warn you. Adrien has specifically requested not to receive visitors.”

“Oh, I’m sure he’ll make an exception,” she said with determination in her eyes. “Thanks!” Alya flashed her a smile and once Natalie had returned to her office, proceeded to barge into Adrien’s room.

The blinds were all drawn, only letting in slivers of light. The air was stuffy, like no one had opened the windows in a good while. It also smelled disgustingly of spoiled cheese.

There were clothes and dishes and all kinds of things lying everywhere. Alya did not remember Adrien ever being this messy.

Both the three displays of his computer and the television were on with different shows each, mixing the occasional strands of yellow light from the windows with the morbid blue of the screens.

A lump, which she supposed was the culprit himself, lay buried in a mountain of blankets and pillows. It seemed he hadn’t noticed her–or in the very least, he didn’t care someone had entered the room.

“That’s it!” Alya announced, dropping her school bag unceremoniously as she huffed and puffed making way through the catastrophe of a room he had, to draw the curtains back and open the windows letting in fresh air and the sounds of the city. She then proceeded to turn off every screen and to yank, almost with unnecessary force, the blankets off of Adrien.

“What?” Adrien groaned.

“That’s it!” Alya said. “Get up. Get up this instant or so help me god, I’m going to toss you directly into your bathtub, clothes still on.”

“Alya?” He seemed confused. “What are you doing here?”

She proceeded to make piles of the different kinds of trash to make it easier to bag them later, and discarded plates and cups as she gagged at the smell.

“Seriously, what is that stench?”

“Camembert,” he explained, not finding it in himself to feel ashamed. “For my Kwami. He doesn’t eat anything else.”

Alya eyed him with disbelief and shook her head. “What are you doing there, just looking? Go take a shower!”

“But–”

“Go. Take. A. Shower. Adrien Agreste.”

A little afraid to continue questioning her, Adrien made his way to the bathroom and emerged a good twenty minutes later still in pajamas. Fresh ones at that, but still.

“You live like a pig,” Alya berated him as she took a seat in the couch in front of the television.

“I’m not– why are you here? Did you just come in to criticize me?” Adrien complained, joining her.

“First of all, no. I came in to make sure you were still alive, seeing as you decided to literally disappear off the face of this earth telling absolutely nobody. Nino is livid, by the way. Will love to see how you explain yourself out of that one. Oh, and there’s been Akumas, not that you’d even get the memo in this bunker, so I had to pitch in as Rena. You’re welcome.”

Adrien looked down.

“Second. I knew. I knew you were going to do this; lock yourself up here and wallow in your self-pity. And I knew somebody needed to come here to make you snap out of it,” she said, giving him a gentle slap on his head.

“Hey!”

“Am I wrong?” Alya demanded. Being met with silence, she nodded. “My point exactly.”

“Third,” she continued. “You think you have it bad? Try being Marinette for a little bit and have your oh-so-trusted partner of years now, suddenly bail on you with no explanation after realizing who she is. How could that possibly look to her, huh?”

“Marinette?” he said softly. “Is… is she alright? I didn’t mean to–”

“Shush. Don’t interrupt, I'll see that you get your chance to apologize to her, don't you worry your pretty face. Fourth. You sir,” she said poking her index finger at his chest. “Need to put on your big-boy pants and deal with your shit like the superhero you are.”

“And fifth,” she said, the fire in her eyes lightly subduing. “There’s homework,” she said pointing at her bag. “I brought it for you.”

Adrien became small in his seat as he took in Alya’s numbered series of complaints. Meanwhile, Plagg came out of hiding, knowing Alya already knew of his and Ladybug's identity.

“I like the way this one talks,” he said, munching a piece of cheese. “Finally, someone with some goddamn common sense!”

“You’re… Plagg?” Alya said.

“Have we met?” Plagg retorted. “Ah yes, Marinette’s friend on the door the other day. Of course. Either way, you have to know. I would’ve kicked him off the bed myself but well, I’m the size of a tennis ball.”

“I’m sorry, okay?” Adrien said quietly, gaining the attention of the pair. “I know… I know I keep messing things up. Which is precisely why I’m not going to be Chat Noir anymore.”

“What?” Alya said, widening her eyes.

Adrien brought his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on top of them. “I just make everything worse,” he explained. “I keep messing up. And I… I know she used to have a crush on me, as Adrien. I don’t want to get in the way of her and Luka…”

“Adrien,” Alya said softly. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but for such a smart guy, you’re pretty darn stupid sometimes.”

Adrien couldn’t help the sudden chuckle that escaped his lips.

“Why on earth do you think that would be a good idea? Have we not met the same Marinette, or, Ladybug in this case? For a reason that’s entirely beyond me, the girl crumbles if you’re not the one to help her up. It’s like… like she wouldn’t believe anything unless it comes from you. You should have seen the certified dumpster fire the last Akuma was. We were all over the place without you.”

Tears fell down his cheeks, and in that moment, Alya knew to knock down her tough-love strategy down a notch. Yes, this was Chat Noir. But it was also Adrien, and while Chat may react to confrontation, Adrien would do anything but.

She clicked her teeth. “Oh, Sunshine. Don’t cry,” she said as she pulled Adrien into a hug.

“I don’t think I can do it, Alya… I’ll make everything worse.”

“You keep saying that, Adrien. But why?”

“I–I think I know who Hawkmoth is,” he admitted in the quietest possible murmur, followed by a sob.

“What…? Adrien, look at me. What do you mean you know who Hawkmoth is?” she said, eyes wide with concentration.

“I figured it out,” he said, hiccupping as he tried to stop crying. “That’s why I went to the hide-out that day. I wasn’t ready to reveal my identity, but I had been stupid with my dad and I thought he might pull me out of school so I knew I had to tell her what I knew before my dad could lock me up or send me away. The first time she took me to the hide-out, I was browsing through some of the documents… Then I found this, this scanned page about the Peacock Miraculous from one of the grimoires and I knew I recognized it from somewhere.” He looked up with an ominous look. “My dad,” he explained. “He has this safe that I once broke into out of curiosity. And he had the missing grimoire in the set and also the brooch. I snuck in his office to investigate and they weren’t in the safe anymore. Then, I found all these documents… he’s been spending money in weird ways, making orders to companies that don’t exist… If he’s Hawkmoth and Natalie is Mayura… that’s–that’s why I had to tell Ladybug. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if she found out who I was and thought that I was part of it all. Alya I’m so scared… I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh, Adrien,” she said softly. “And why didn’t you stick around to tell her that?”

“Because I’ve been in love with her since I met her, okay? I panicked,” he said, now a bit more exasperated. “You– I don’t think you and Nino know what it’s like, it all came so easy to you. But for me… It was so hard to get over her as Ladybug, then realizing that I was really in love with Marinette, and now–”

“Wait, you’re in love with Marinette?” Alya interrupted, jaw on the floor.

“Did Nino not tell you?”

“No! We don’t gossip about what you guys tell us!… I mean, unless it's really important, but that's besides the point! Holy shit, this is so complicated,” she said with a long sigh, plopping her back against the couch. She groaned as she processed the information. “Why are you two like this?” she exclaimed, rubbing her face in frustration. “Okay, but about your whole theory,” she said, once she recovered. “I think that doesn’t prove much, Adrien. I wouldn’t worry if I were you.”

Adrien shook his head. “I know what I saw, Alya. He had the Peacock Miraculous.”

“But that could mean anything. It could be a replica; I’ve read a lot of studies tracking the history of each jewel. People have tried replicating them to scam others.”

“It’s Natalie, Alya,” Adrien said with less patience. “Natalie is Mayura,” he said. “I just know it…” He sighed. “I don’t know how to tell Marinette. I don’t want to make things complicated for her.”

Alya thought for a moment, then snapped her fingers. “I got it. What you have right now is a lead, at best. We need to come up with a plan to prove your theories. And Marinette doesn’t need to know how you found it. I didn’t tell her that it was you at the door that day, so really, you could just tell her there’s reason to believe that Gabriel might be Hawkmoth. You tell her your sources is someone close to the Agrestes.”

“What if she asks who the specific source is?”

“We’ll get to that bridge when we cross it.”

“Half-baked plans don’t work on Ladybug,” he said, crossing his arms.

“Perhaps. But she won’t press if she knows your identity is at stake. And for what it’s worth, Adrien, I really do think you should just come clean. About your identity, I mean. It would make everything easier for both of you. I know it must be super scary but... At least promise me you’ll think about it, okay?”

-- “Well, you look like shit,” Juleka commented a bit amused as Luka joined for breakfast before school. He hadn’t been sleeping well and it showed. He simply gave Juleka a ‘I’m not in the mood to fuck around’ smile and begrudgingly served himself a bowl of cereal.

“What is it?” Juleka insisted.

“I really don’t wanna talk about it, Jules.”

“It’s Marinette, isn’t it?” she asked, sounding more like she already had an answer.

Luka sighed and said nothing.

“She’s still not answering your messages?”

Luka shook his head. “I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“Nothing, probably.”

Luka looked up at his sister, who shrugged at him. “Alya says there’s something going on with her family or something, and she’s really having a hard time with it. It’s probably only that.”

Luka appreciated the fact Juleka tried to cheer him up, but he already knew Marinette wasn’t answering because of family trouble. It had been no secret that Chat Noir had been absent in the last few Akumas. Coincidentally, Juleka had mentioned Adrien had been missing school the last few days, so he knew something must have happened between them. Maybe a fight, it was anyone’s guess. The only thing he knew is that he couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t stand that he couldn’t do anything about it, that Marinette wouldn’t actually tell him why she was hiding–to be honest, he also was unsure he even wanted to know. The prospect of her crying to him for a guy who has broken her heart not once, but twice now, did not appeal to him in the slightest bit.

Adrien Agreste was so stupid! He was an idiot! And yet, Luka couldn’t help but wonder if Marinette would ever cry for him like that, even if the last thing he’d ever want to do was to hurt Marinette the same way Adrien had. If she’d ever trust him as blindly as she trusted Chat Noir or love him just the same.

He sighed, trying to push the thought away. Lately, he had run out of strategies to keep his jealousy at bay and so, defeated, he simply tried to ignore his feelings as best as he could, not knowing what else to do. Giving into the feeling made him think horrible things about Adrien, which he was sure weren’t true. Confronting them brought up a proposition that made him break a cold sweat, which although extremely painful, had begun to make a case for itself. It was something he didn’t want to do, but that he suspected would be the best for both of them in the end:

Break up with Marinette.

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neocrush · 4 years

Text

to the fools who dream.

pairing: idol!renjun x fem!trainee!reader

prompt: when two fools with the same dream collide and tragically fall for each other. except, one has already achieved said dream. the other is willing to sacrifice everything in able to reach that same dream. through experiencing love and heartbreak for the first time, they learn to separate dream and reality.

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TEASER UNDER THE CUT.

“Five, six, seven, eight!” The dance teacher counted to the beats of Boss Bitch by Doja Cat. You kept a strong gaze, looking at your dancing figure on the mirror. You and your fellow trainees squatted on the ground as you stayed in that position, waiting for your respective solo parts. As your solo part came, you stood up and gracefully went to the center. After sixteen counts, everyone else stood up as you led them into the chorus. As the song ends, you stayed still in your ending pose. You and Saerin’s heavy breathing being the only audible thing to your ears.

Your ending pose included you perching one arm up her right shoulder as both your bodies faced each other, meanwhile your actual faces faced the floor. “Good job, girls! That’s a wrap for dance practice today!” The man who previously had a stern face, smiled proudly at your hard work. “Your managers told me that none of you have any extra classes or training after this one. Therefore, you are allowed to go back to your dorms. Rest up, tomorrow is the monthly evaluation.”

All twelve of you bowed as your dance teacher left the practice room. “Finally..” Haryeong sighed, collapsing to the floor as she sprawled her body in a funny manner.

“I’m so nervous. I-I don’t think I’m ready for tomorrow’s evaluations.” Hannah stuttered. She was fairly new to the company, so her being extremely nervous for her first evaluations wasn’t that surprising to any of you. What surprised you, was that she started crying. Jaera, the eldest female trainee engulfed her in a motherly-like hug. She wiped the tears that fell onto the gray-haired girl’s cheeks away.

“Hannah, look at me,” She softly spoke. The younger girl looked up, indicating that she was listening to her elder. “You’re going to do amazing. I know that for a fact. I’m not just saying this because we’re friends or because I’m trying to cheer you up. You are truly talented and hardworking. You entered this company without knowing how to count beats and stay on key. That was nearly a month ago. Now you’re up for the Main Dancer position and our vocal coach praises you on the daily. Heck, you even started rapping! Do you see what I’m trying to say? Your hardwork won’t go to waste. None of ours will.” The speaking girl looked around at her fellow trainees. Some of you starting to tear up a bit.

She continued, “I say this with all my heart. We all deserve to debut. When the time comes, our company will realize that our talent and hardwork can’t go to waste. If they fail to do so, then they’re missing out on so much potential.” The sobbing girls wiped their tears as they laughed at Jaera’s last line. Sumin pulled everyone into a hug as you cherished this moment, knowing it won’t forever be like this.

The hug fell apart as Wonchae’s phone buzzed, receiving a call from one of your managers. Soon enough you all bid your goodbyes, as you were travelling in different cars to your dorms. Everyone walked to building’s main lobby and black vans arrived. It was 3:58 AM and you were in need of rest. As you put your white mask on, you heard a voice call out your name. You turned around and immediately removed your mask, bowing at the person who was nearing you. “Yoongi-sunbae, hello.” You properly greeted your senior.

“Ah, good thing you’re here. The CEO wants to see you.” You widened your eyes at what the taller man had just told you. “Don’t worry, it’s probably nothing bad.” He chuckled at your tense figure. “I should probably tell-” “No, no, it’s okay. They already know.” He reassured as he cut you off mid-sentence. “I can walk you there. My practice room is on the same floor.” You firmly nodded at his suggestion. “Let me just get some iced coffee, which is what I initially was going to do.” You both chuckle as you trailed behind him to the vending machine and to the 12th floor via elevator.

You walked through the spacey hallway that led to the CEO’s office. Yoongi took a turn as he opened a door that revealed six boys chaotically doing shenanigans in a big practice room. You just chuckled at the sight of the six hyperactive men you had to deal with since you were a mere child. “Y/n! Hi!” A deep but cheerful voice that belonged to none other than Taehyung joyfully called out your name as he energetically waved at you from a distance. “Hi Taetae-sunbae!” You smiled ear-to-ear and waved.

“See you soon? Good luck for the evaluations tomorrow by the way.” Yoongi calmly voiced out.

“Oh, Thank you, sunbae. See you soon!” You bid your goodbyes as you properly bowed - he was your senior afterall. You continued your mini journey to the CEO’s office as you walked straight towards the end of the hall.

You were now face-to-face with the door that led to the CEO’s office. The words ‘BANG SI HYUK’ on top of ‘CEO of BigHit Entertainment’ with big, golden letters and a bold font were plastered on the big white door. It was quite intimidating - you must say.

You entered the room full of hesitation and got lost in your see of thoughts, until a man voiced out. “Ah, y/n. I have been waiting for you.” Your boss, Bang Sihyuk, smiled softly. You bowed, “Hello, sir. I apologize for being late.” “It’s alright. Take a seat.” He pulled out a chair that was in front of his large desk, gesturing for you to sit on it. “Thank you, sir.” You took a seat, smiling at his extremely kind gesture. He took a seat on his large leather chair, facing you from the other side of his desk.

“It’s very late right now, so I’m not going to keep you here for a long time. I’ll just get to the point, okay?” The middle-aged started as you firmly nodded.

“You have been training with us since you were 12 years old. When you auditioned, I saw the talent and potential in you. I knew you were going to become a star one day. An extremely successful one. You are very talented and hardworking. You already know that, of course. Everybody in BigHit does. Even our cleaning staff.” You both chuckled at his comedic remark.

He continued with a more serious tone, “I’ve watched you grow into an amazing artist. There was never a day where you would let me down. After every performance, you always remind me why I accepted you into the company in the first place. You never fail to improve. To be better. To be stronger. You are extremely independent for someone your age and you should be proud of that. But most importantly, you are passionate and humble. Wherever you go in life, remember to keep those core traits as they will always bring good things to you. I, as your boss, am extremely proud of you and the person you’ve become.”

You smile at the amount of compliments that you were being showered with by one of the most important people in your life and career.

“I made a deal with SM Entertainment.”

Your smile altered to a confused-type-of-look as the words that had just rolled out of the man’s tongue irked you in a way. It wasn’t that you hated SM Entertainment, they were just - a joke - to your company. Your fellow trainees who were in the same class as some of the SM trainees would always talk about how celebrity-like they acted. The girls would joke about how self-centered they were here and there. Of course, you just stood there and listened. You went to an international school and trained almost your whole life, resulting in you almost never interacting with trainees from other companies. Hence, not knowing how they behaved in real life. The only exception was when you appeared in Stray Kids’ music video for God’s Menu. Then again, they weren’t trainees.

“They have decided to transfer a male trainee from their company. He wasn’t exactly fit for their company, but I saw lots of potential in him. They didn’t want to properly let him go. They weren’t going to risk losing another trainee. Therefore, they proposed a deal.”

I think know where this is going.

“Our team had a meeting with their team. We showed them all of the latest monthly evaluations. They decided that they were going to select one of our trainees to be transferred to train at their company and vice versa.”

Oh no, it’s actually happening.

“With lots thinking and negotiation. They chose you. You’ll be picked up by your new manager here at around 8 AM. Y/n, I truly believe that you are going to be an amazing artist. No matter which company you are under. I have faith in you, y/n.”

You were tearing up, “So is this goodbye? An end to years of training here? My home?”

Bang Sihyuk replied, “This isn’t me completely letting you go. It isn’t an end to anything. It’s the start of something wonderful. You are extremely talented, passionate, kind, hardworking, and humble. Whichever company you are in won’t matter. You are an amazing individual and you know it.” The chubbier man had engulfed you in a warm hug. “BigHit will always welcome you with open arms. Whenever you’re feeling empty, you know we’re here for you. You know the boys will do everything to protect their sister, right?”

You nodded into the hug as you pulled away and smiled, “I’ll do my best. I always will. It’s what you taught me.”

“Show ‘em SM kids how they raised you in Bighit!” you laughed at the man, who in a few hours, won’t be your boss anymore.

You spent the few remaining hours of being under the company you grew up in with the members of BTS and TXT. Together, you ate ungodly amounts of Spicy Ramyeon while reminiscing the boys’ trainee days with you.

Oh, how you were going to miss your brothers.

a/n: no nct yet sorry! but we need this for character building :)) did your faves make an appearance/get mentioned?

taglist

none atm so send an ask to be added !

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laceymorganwrites · 4 years

Text

He´s a good guy

Word Count: 2,895

Pairing: Tendou x fem!reader

Warnings: swearing, hurtful words, SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA, Semi is an asshole (Semi stand don´t come at me)

A/N: this is a mess, idk how this happened, i seriously have no Explanation

Summary: You, a former Manager for Karasuno´s VBC graduate with your classmates and run into Tendou at college

Graduating was weird, you had to admit. It felt like a part of your life was over just like that and yet you weren´t sad about it at all.

Instead you were looking forward to college, finally being able to chase your dreams and do the things you´ve always wanted to.

You were sad to leave all your friends and especially the volleyball club you and Shimizu managed, you were lucky to have found Yachi before you graduated, she did a great job too.

But still, it was hard for you. You got very attached to them, being very empathetic.

Especially the first years were your most treasured students, not that you´d ever tell them that. They just brought so much energy and that seemed to really help the team, everyone was suddenly so much more motivated, everything was coming together.

And then it was over just like that.

You tried to stay in contact as much as possible, but that wasn´t always easy since studying and exams were harder and more time consuming than in high school.

Besides, the club was busy as well.

Before starting college, Daichi, Suga and you decided to be roommates since you would attend the same college. Asahi wanted to study abroad.

Luckily that worked out, all three of you took part time jobs to make sure to be able to pay the rent. You worked throughout the whole summer, saving up enough for a nice place near campus.

The last week of the break before starting college was spent in moving in, you underestimated how much time it took to get all of your stuff and to figure out everything else that was important.

You were all so proud when you managed it and everything was done.

While Daichi was studying to be a police officer and Suga to be a teacher, you were majoring in music. In the past you were pretty insecure about your abilities to sing and play instruments, but your friends and even your teachers motivated you to chase your dream, they convinced you to just go for it.

And you were glad they did since it was what brought you the most joy in life.

Still, you had to take more classes than just music to pass and get the major, which wasn´t the nicest thing in the world. Especially not the exams.

Daichi, Suga and you were all together in the same psychology class and in one of the first lessons you were assigned partners for a project.

That´s when you met Tendou. Sure, you noticed him before, how could you not? He caught your curiosity since he was so quiet and read JUMP. But you never had the guts to talk to him, being too shy to just intrude him like that, asking what his favorite characters were, now, that´d just be awkward.

So you didn´t. You were glad to be partnered up with him since you hoped you could get to know him that way.

Daichi and Suga noticed him too ever since the first lesson, but they couldn´t put a finger on it. They of course knew who he was, but it was strange to see how different he was from the boy they played against back in high school. They wondered what the cause of that change was.

“Hey, um...Tendou-san, was it?” you approached him after the lesson to discuss the project, Daichi and Suga closing in on you.

He nodded, feeling anxious, he knew he shouldn´t have attended college. It was just like when he was a kid, people were staring at him again, but why did it bother him again? Maybe it was because he didn´t have any friends anymore, he hated new places like this. He was better off on his own, couldn´t bear the looks people gave him, for fuck´s sake, it was as if he could hear their thoughts about how weird and creepy and ugly and hideous and utterly disgusting he was and goddamn, he knew. He fucking knew already. All of the confidence he worked up so hard in high school was suddenly gone again and it dragged him down more than he´d like to admit.

“Hey guys, you wanna go to the library together? We could maybe do a study group together” Suga smiled.

“Oh yeah! That´d be great, let´s go” you answered, smiling back and slightly touching Tendou´s shoulder to which he reacted jumpy.

You quickly apologized, the four of you walking to the library together.

“Man, the world sure is small! I never thought we´d see you again and now we´re in the same class” Daichi laughed, addressing Tendou. “Wait...you know each other?” you were pretty confused.

“Oh yeah, he used to go to Shiratorizawa, we played against their team when you were sick” Suga explained and you nodded knowingly.

“Aw man! I wanted to see that game so badly, I can´t believe how unlucky we were sometimes” you whined, getting sympathetic looks from your friends.

“You guys really gave us hell, we barely won” Daichi chuckled, reminiscing about how hard it was to beat them, with players like Ushijima and Tendou on their team.

“Yeah, it was so unfair too, with Ushijima as your ace and all your tall players and you… argh… you really made it difficult for us” Suga added.

“What position did you play?” you asked Tendou who hadn´t said anything to this point.

“Middle blocker” he said quietly.

“Like Hinata and Tsukki” you giggled.

“They are nothing in comparison to him!” Suga groaned to which Tendou blushed a bit in embarrassment, he wasn´t used to getting compliments.

“I wouldn´t say that… Wakatoshi was the true star of the team, he´s the one who deserves the praise, not me” Tendou mumbled.

“Don´t sell yourself short, we had a lot of trouble because of you. You were amazing at blocking, it was like you always knew where we were gonna be before we knew it ourselves and you were so fast...it was incredible” Daichi smiled at him widely.

“Aw, damn, I wish I could´ve seen that! Do you still play?” you asked to which he shook his head.

After that you started working on the project, setting up a group chat for your new study group.

You met up every time when there was homework or a new project, well, when everyone of you had time.

The last part proved to be quite difficult for you personally because you were busy with your band project in your music class.

Still, you somehow managed to do both.

You were in a band with Semi, at first you didn´t like him, his silent nature irked you, it seemed like he was always judging you, but over time you learned to appreciate him. He was very hard working and you two worked well together.

Actually you talked about doing the band after college too, you liked the idea.

In the course of the next months you got closer with Tendou too, getting him to talk more and exchanging opinions on the recent JUMP volumes and other things that interested you two.

It was fun hanging around him and it was true, like Suga and Daichi said, he really was quite quirky and open when he felt comfortable around people, it was nice seeing him be himself around you, it made you feel special.

You had worries at first that you texted him too much, replied too much, annoyed him or were boring to him. Luckily he was always quick to respond to you as well, texting you just as much which made you happy and when you told him that you felt you weren´t worth his time, he couldn´t disagree more.

Tendou told you how amazing you were, how you were the first person in a long time he didn´t scare off, how he could talk about everything with you, no matter how stupid it was, how you would laugh at his jokes and it made him so happy because nobody laughs at his jokes, Semi always tells him to shut up, Semi´s his roommate by the way. Oh you know him? That´s amazing, maybe you should hang out sometime!

And that´s how you ended up in this situation. It was very awkward to say the least.

You knew what Semi thought of Tendou, only that you didn´t know it was Tendou at the time. You thought it was obnoxious how Semi always talked about his annoying roommate, he got quite rude talking about him, stating what a child he was and that it was no wonder that all girls ran away screaming from him, that nobody ever would want to be with him and that he only lived with him because he had no other choice, because he was scared what would happen if he told him how much he disliked him.

You shrugged it off at first, but knowing now that he was talking about Tendou the whole time made you fume with rage. How dare he talk about him like that? Tendou was such a sweetheart, he was so kind and funny and fun to be around. You loved his antics and quirks, the little tunes he sung throughout the day about random things stuck in your head all the time.

Hell, you even had a chant together about your favorite ice cream.

How could anyone not like him?

“SemiSemi, that´s (Y/N)! I told you about her, remember?” Tendou was so excited that you were coming over, he even cleaned his room for you.

Semi sighed, hoping he´d just shut up for one fucking second. He should´ve never agreed to this. Honestly, he felt so bad for you to be in the same class as this creep, he should´ve said he had band practice or something and dragged you along.

“Yeah, you never fucking shut up about her, of course I remember. And she´s my bandmate, so I know her already. But I told you that too” he groaned, you didn´t like his tone at all and shot him a glare.

The tension between them made you really uncomfortable and you wished you and Tendou could go somewhere else.

Somehow the fact that he seemed to talk about you made you blush, you had to admit, you had a giant soft spot for him, or a crush as Suga put it.

“Why are you always so mean to me?” he whined, you could see the sadness in his eyes, this wasn´t fair.

“Because you´re annoying as fuck. Like, seriously, you never stop talking and it´s driving me crazy. I don´t care about your stupid magazines and whatever other weird shit you´re into. Honestly, I wish we never met!” Semi yelled at him, he was enraged, so furious and you never heard him raise his voice like that.

His words hurt Tendou, you stood up and wanted to confront Semi, but he just kept on going.

“I don´t even get why they let you into high school! Just look at you, you´re disgusting! I always hated you, like everyone else. How can we not? You´re still the same fucking weirdo from your childhood, you haven´t changed, no matter what people tell you. You wanna know why people tolerate you? Why they smile at you? Why they even bother to be nice? Because you fucking scare them. I bet even your own mother can´t look at you, hell, she probably still is ashamed of ever giving birth to such a hideous monster” he spat, Tendou was crying at this point, his words struck something deep inside of him, returned his childhood trauma to the surface and left him shaking.

You rushed to his side, grabbed him by the arm and left to go to your own place.

You didn´t utter a word to Semi after that ever again.

Tendou was still crying when you arrived at home, Daichi and Suga left a note saying they were at the gym and would bring take out later.

You gently sat Tendou down the couch and wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close to you in a soothing manner.

His heart calmed down at that, but his sobs continued as he allowed himself to hug you back, desperately clinging onto you and crying into your shoulder.

You cradled his back until he stopped, you sat there for a while and he was still shaking when there were no tears left.

Tendou couldn´t speak, he was too shaken up by Semi´s words, he was asking himself what he did wrong, what he did to deserve this. A little voice in his head told him that Semi was right about everything he said.

“Satori?” you softly called out his name, making him look at you. The broken expression in his eyes broke your heart.

“I´m so sorry, you didn´t deserve this. Please don´t listen to what he said, don´t believe one single word of it. You´re wonderful and that´s all that counts. You´re such a great person, he would never understand that, so please believe me and not him. He had no right to bring up those things, he did it all to hurt you and yet he called you the monster. I can´t believe I was in a band with that asshole...I´m definitely reporting him tomorrow!” you got worked up but you couldn´t help it, nobody came for Tendou like that. Not on your watch.

He looked away when he started crying again, his shoulders slouching. You noticed how small he looked, how frail and hugged him again.

“There will always be people like him, but there will also be people like me, people who like you a lot. And people who think you´re amazing, people who know that chocolate ice cream isn´t always the same and people who know that manga aren´t just magazines and anime aren´t cartoons and cup noodles somehow taste real good even though they shouldn´t. There will always be people who look forward to text you, who smile like an idiot whenever you reply to their texts, who look forward to seeing you every day in psychology class, who want to binge watch Naruto with you, who want to try out that weird complicated looking cake recipe you found, who want to make you happy no matter what...” you talked so much you didn´t even realize what you were saying, somewhere along the lines you thought he wasn´t listening and got bolder with your statements but he was listening closely.

You weren´t quite finished but you noticed his weight pulling away from you and stopped talking to see him smile at you dreamily.

It made your heart flutter.

“My mom was right” he giggled, continuing after seeing your puzzled expression.

“I told her about you and she said you were someone really special and when I talked more about you, she agreed that you were super cute and when I told her that I like you, she said that you liked me back because you and I are made for each other” he didn´t care about how cheesy it sounded, his mother was always right. She was right about him getting friends, about him being able to be happy.

You smiled at him, this certainly wasn´t what you thought your confession would look like, but this wasn´t some chick flick.

“Your mother´s a smart woman, then” you smiled at him, making his eyes light up. He nodded at that, smiling widely at you.

He was staring at you lovingly, unsure of what to do, he´s never done this before, he never liked someone the way he liked you…

“Satori? I really wanna kiss you right now, is that okay with you?” you softly caressed his cheek, he was melting into your touch and nodded, hooded eyes looking up at you in anticipation.

You slowly leaned in, grabbing a hold of his head, massaging his scalp as you pressed a soft kiss on his lips, making him moan surprised.

This felt good, he could do this all day, even though he had no idea what he was supposed to do.

With shaking hands he pulled you into a hug, he liked hugging you.

You deepened the kiss, swiping your tongue along his lips, earning a gasp and slipping your tongue in to play with his. He smiled into the kiss, relishing in the new feeling he liked very much.

“(Y/N), we´re back, we got food” Daichi announced and Suga snickered when he saw you and Tendou.

“Well, hello you two lovebirds, about time!” he smiled. Ever since he saw how you two looked at each other he wanted to see where this would go.

“Sorry, we didn´t mean to interrupt” Daichi chimed in, he too was glad to see that you ended up together. Tendou was a good guy despite what the others thought.

“It´s alright, what kind of food did you get?” you pulled away from him, still having an arm around him.

He blushed, being embarrassed by being caught like this.

You went ahead and explained what happened earlier and asked if it was okay that Tendou could stay with you, of course Daichi and Suga agreed.

You watched a movie and had dinner together, cuddling with Tendou the whole time and the next day you reported Semi and he was banished from college.

#haikyuu #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu tendou #tendou satori #tendou x reader

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tumblingxelian · 3 years

Text

Mostly just want to note this but I’m wholly aware Ta/i is meant to be a teacher at one of Vale’s many combat schools.

I am also aware that other more experienced teachers were surprised he didn’t go after Ruby & that he insisted the only reason he stayed was because of Yang.

Those words guilting her into putting on the arm and “Getting back into the fight” as others had been pressuring her to do while seemingly making little effort to address her trauma & depression.

As it is, like a lot of things about Ta/i him doing anything other than hang around the house is an informed attribute.

We’re informed he & Yang rib each other but only he ever insults her.

We’re informed he’s a good teacher but he doesn’t even seem to know how her Semblance works or was utilized & shows no care for context (Also his advice is bad)

We’re informed he’s teaching but no matter the time of day he always seems to just be hanging around the house. (Yes I know they can’t create a whole set to show that but my point here is nothing is done to indicate he’s doing anything & unlike say Ghira I’ve no stored up goodwill to take it for granted. Especially when other characters dialogue imply him leaving would be seen as normal.)

We’re informed of a lot of things but most of what my onscreen experience with him is:

Not even talking to Yang about getting a prosthetic. Walking away when she’s having a panic attack. Joking about trying to humiliate Qrow & still finding it funny now. Harshly insults her the moment she presses him on info. Disparages her life experience despite himself seemingly not having had much of a Hunter career before quitting to teach. Acts snide about discussing Raven. Disparages the manifestation of Yang’s soul as a temper tantrum. Not understanding her Semblance absorbs pain rather than runs on rage. Gives shitty advice about emotions on the battlefield. Gives broad, largely useless advice Yang’s fighting style already incorporated in the Yellow Trailer. Apparently failed to teach the above “lessons” to Yang before Beacon. Never noticed Ruby has non CQC skills (but Yang did) Hangs at home despite it being made clear he could go after Ruby & thus leaving the job of looking out for Ruby once again on the shoulders of Yang, his still traumatized eldest daughter.

And none of that gets into the whole: Shut down and left grieving a 5 (At most) year old in charge of a 3 (at most) year old. & doing this so often that said five year old could notice a pattern, pick a time to leave and wander deep into the Grim infested forests and almost die. & still not getting his act together enough to even ask for help to the point where the eldest child still has issues about having had to keep the family together while he was shut down/working and while not sure its cos of this, his youngest can’t seem to express when she needs help or know how show vulnerability.

Also I feel it says something that right after Beacon fell its Yang that Ruby goes to right away & Yang she goes to before leaving for Haven.

I don’t like Ta/i, I don’t think he’s a good parent, or teacher or a particularly enjoyable character and no amount of informed attributes or meta justifications are going to make me like him, and it irks me when people pretend I just don’t get it rather than viscerally disagree with it.

I’ve written multi thousand word essays breaking down everyone of Yang’s fights, taken his “advice” apart piece by piece, I have done the legwork to know I don’t like him and exactly why.

You don’t have to agree but don’t act like people who are critical of the man are narrative ignorant dullards rather than people you just disagree with.

#RWBY Discourse #Rant #Vent #Do not clown #Do not try and debate me on this #I am not in the fucking mood

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bianca-warriorwriter · 4 years

Text

Opposing Gangs Part 6

Surprise Update!!! part 5

Tagged @shawn-youth

Entering the school halls on Monday morning does nothing to help my mood that has plummeted since Friday night. My weekend was dealt with a gruelling workout session with my dad which was made worse when he noticed the hickey littering my neck. After a hurl of verbal assault at one another I had left the house and was eventually dragged back by a very annoyed James. After another verbal argument doors were slammed and a glass had been broken when I had thrown it down the stairs to the floor.

So as I slammed my locker shut and adjusted my sleeved shirt to hide the bruises Shawn had caused it wasn’t just at the fact that I was already sweating in the long-sleeved shirt, my short skirt only slightly cooled down me down but my knee high boots didn’t help much more.

“Someone is mad today?” Maddy says leaning against the locker I had just slammed shut. Glaring at her I readjust my books in my hands. “you wanna tell me why? Or are you just gonna brood and swallow in self-pity and anger?” she asks moving off the locker as I start walking.

“I did something I wasn’t supposed to and now I’m mad at myself” I grit out.

“what weren’t you supposed to do?” she asks as we round the corner and I walk face first into someone, knocking my books out of my hands. I huff out in straight annoyance.

“Do. You. Mind?” I say angrily.

“No, I don’t” the deep voice washes over me as I glare into his eyes. Starring into his eyes and his very kissable lips I feel an anger boiling inside of me. I drop down to pick up my books. “let me help” he says crouching down.

“I don’t need your help” I grit out.

“why are you so mad?” he whispers to me.

“no reason” I say standing back up.

He begins to lean in and my body tenses, leaning down to my ear, his lip just brushing the lobe I stop a shiver. “does my very presence set you on edge?” as he leans back purposely brushing his teeth against the shell of my ear. I glare in him.

“yes it does” and as I respond I can’t help but kick him in the shin. As he groans in pain I shove past him.

“now that was uncalled for” he shouts as I walk off. My shout of annoyance follows down the hall back to him.

Skipping first class I sit out in the bleachers calming myself down.

“you good now?” Maddy voice almost makes me jump.

“god! Don’t scare me like that” I say leaning back down against the bleachers. “what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in class?” I say stretching my legs out in front of me.

“aren’t you?” she says sitting down next to me.

“touché, but does any teacher want an angry Carter in their room?” I respond.

“you going to tell me why you are mad? Does it have something to do with someone you kicked 30 minutes ago” she says bumping my shoulder. I just sigh.

“I just had a really big argument with my dad over the weekend” I say crossing my arms over my chest.

“and?” she says spinning her hand in front of her as if to tell her that she is aware I am leaving something out.

“what my dad does not know is that I hooked up with someone I shouldn’t have on Friday night” I say looking at my feet.

“Shawn?” she asks.

“yep” I say bluntly. “and the thing that is pissing me off is that I want to do it again, but clearly that cant happen. And my dad doesn’t know who it is and decided to call me every name under the fucking sound” I say starring out at the field to the elective sports class.

“ah so that’s why you’re wearing a long sleeved shirt in this heat” she says nudging me again.

“when I say it was good, I mean rough” I say laughing.

“okay so why’d we kick him then?” she asks laughing.

“because if someone finds out about this, him and I are dead, and we had agreed that morning we would stay one another and that night he’s holding me against the wall by the throat. And he is setting me on edge” I say huffing.

“I could imagine, with those smouldering eyes, those perfect lips, big hands, oh and don’t forget those muscles.” She says so close to my ear.

“don’t get me started” I say shoving her.

“okay” she says hands up laughing. “but would it be so bad if you two did get together?” she asks. Standing up and collecting my stuff.

“it would be bad. Like very bad, like could be disowned, could be war. But also the fear of not being caught is sort of exciting” I say giving her my hand to help her up.

“you are playing a very dangerous game” she says grabbing onto my hand and pulling herself up.

“don’t need to tell me twice” I say hooking arms with her. “so tell me what is happening with you and James” I ask as we walk towards class.

“it’s going, he doesn’t want to say anything to anyone, but its going” she says. Both of us smiling we make our way to class.

“ah glad you two could grace us with your presence” Ms Spencer tells us.

“Oh miss, the pleasure is all mine” I say holding my hand up to my heart.

“well with pleasure you two are now in after-school detention” she gives us a sickly sweet smile.

“ugh” I say dumping my stuff down at my table.

“if you want to skip next time, maybe don’t come halfway through class.” She says.

“Be glad I even rocked up to this stupid fucking class.” I say dropping into my seat.

“excuse me?” she says.

“Do you really want to deal with a pissed off Carter?” I ask. “because I am pretty fucking pissed off today” I say leaning forward in my desk.

“how about you go to the principle’s officer?” she asks.

“how about… no?” I say crossing my arms.

“now. Miss Carter” she says.

“how about this? I’ll leave but im not going to the office because you know they’ll just send me back here. So I’ll just go for a walk” I say standing up. “James or Maddy be a dear and take my books to the next class” walking to the door.

“wait. If you’re going to leave then someone needs to go with you. I do not trust you to not wreak havoc if you go by yourself” she says.

“fine, I’ll take Maddy or James” both go to move.

“no. you’ll take… Jayne” she says.

“if I go with her the second we walk out of this door I will break her nose” I smile.

“fine. Shawn go with her” she sighs.

“he can say goodbye to ever being able to have children” I smile brightly now.

“as if I’d allow you to get close enough for that to happen” he says standing up chucking his books on to Marcel’s desk.

“all my years in being a teacher and I have never dealt with someone so disrespectful” Ms Spencer grunts out.

“you’re welcome for the learning experience.” I spin on my heel and exit the classroom.

Walking through the halls off the school is almost comforting. Almost.

“so do you want to tell me why you kicked me in the shin?” he asks from behind me.

“because you irk me” I say matter-of-factly.

“and why is that?” he asks slightly closer.

“why are you standing so close to me?” I ask turning around as he almost collides with my chest.

“does it irk you?” he says leaning down. Lifting my foot up I stomp down on his foot. “my god you are acting like a child having a temper tantrum” he says groaning through the pain of my heel hitting his foot.

“I don’t understand why you won’t stay away from me. We had a deal” I say turning back around.

“that was broken the minute you straddled me in gym class and the minute you said agreed to sleep with me” he says walking back into me as I halt my walking. “god can you stop doing that!” he almost shouts.

“why? making you uncomfortable” I say putting my hands on my hips.

“slightly!” he says running his hand through his hair.

“and why is that?” I say pushing him in the chest.

“you know exactly why. You think you’re on edge I am in the exact same situation!” he pulls at his hair.

“why do you have to keep being everywhere I am!” I say shoving him again. “why do you have to be here right now!” another shove. “and why do you have to be so god damn fucking present!” I say shoving him again. He grips onto my wrist. Pulling me against him.

“calm down” he says, his lips so close to mine. “take a breath” he says wrapping one arm around me. “now tell me what is really bothering you” he says his other hand goes to the back of my neck.

“I- just” taking in a deep breath of him I relax into him, fisting my hands in his shirt as he just holds me. “god I just wish this could be real without any consequences” I say holding onto him just slightly tighter.

“me too, Noora, me too” he holds onto a tighter. “you know you don’t make it easy in that short skirt” he says squeezing me tighter.

“me? It’s not my fault that there are hickey’s all over my neck and bruises over my throat and wrists” I scoff.

“have you not seen my neck?” he asks pulling his collar to the side. I can’t help but laugh.

“that is nothing look at these!” I say shoving my sleeves down and pulling my collar to the side to show the bruises.

“you did want it rough?” he says trying not to laugh.

“good point. You better let go before someone sees” I say resting my head against his chest.

“just give it another second” he says holding me tighter. We stand like that for longer than a second. But we jump so far apart when a throat clears behind us.

“what the fuck is this?”

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please tell me what you think and if you have any requests

#S.M #Shawn #Mendes #Shawn Peter Raul Mendes #Shawn Mendes #shawn mendes smut #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes fanfic #Shawn mendes blurbs #Shawn mendes series #Shawn mendes stories

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fleurie3am15inspo · 4 years

Text

Everyday Hero: Dad-Aizawa Fic

Hey there @the-lupine-sojourner !!! It’s me, Fleurie 😁 I bet you’re wondering, “huh, I wonder why she’s tagging me in this fic?” Well, I got news for you, buddy! I was your Secret Santa for this @dailybnha BNHA Secret Santa event! 😄 Surprise! What are the odds, ey? 😂 I hope I didn’t give it away in my anon asks cuz with me sounding all nervous all the time :p try as I might, I cannot shake it, lol. Well, anyway, this is all still a little new to me, writing bnha centered fics and whatnot. And as I mentioned before, it came out a little more on the slice of life side than fluff. Sorry, but I hope you like it anyway! Enjoy some Dadzawa and I hope you have a Merry Christmas!

The baby in his arms reached her tiny hands up, grasping at a few strands of his hair. It was different than before. No more did he feel that irk of annoyance when she did that. Instead, it felt warm. Innocent. And filled with love. Eraserhead blinked in surprise and tugged his head back. The movement caused him to wince and the child to laugh a colorful, sweet, twinkling laugh. Despite himself, Eraserhead felt a smile broaden over his own face and a soft laugh break through.

“Fukukado,” he warned, still laughing, “Turn it off.”

She quirked a brow, a smirk playing on her lips. “It’s not me, Eraser.”

“Don’t lie to me,” His hair rises (save for the strand in the infant’s hand) and his eyes glow red as he attempts to erase a quirk that was never even activated.

What? Curiously, he sneaks a glance at Yoshiko. Nothing.

“It’s not her either,” Emi says chuckling, “It’s you. It’s all you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“NO.”

“Oh come on, Shota! You haven’t even heard what it is yet.”

“I don’t need to. The fact that you’re asking me is enough.”

“Since when is me asking for a favor a bad thing?”

“Since you haven’t visited for years and only show up whenever you need something.”

“Okay, I know I haven’t had the chance to visit lately, but I know for a fact you haven’t made the effort either. The way I see it, it’s the classic kettle calling the pot.”

“I have a responsibility to my agency.”

“As do I to my city,” Sigh, “Look, it’s just for a few days. I need to attend the conference per company regulation. It’s just a series of meetings and trainings, but I can’t bring Yoshiko with me. I need someone to look after her while I’m gone.”

“Why don’t you get a babysitter for her?”

“I’m not trusting my baby to a stranger! Especially not now where there’s been undocumented kidnappings in the area. I don’t have time to do background checks on everyone. I know you. And I trust you. Please, you’re the only one I trust to look after my daughter.”

“...How long?”

“Just the weekend. The second the conference is over, I’ll be on the next flight home. I promise.”

“Alright. Bring her by the house later when you’ve got all her things. Stay safe up there.”

“I will. Oh, thank you Shota! You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Don’t mention it. Though, in exchange, you need to stop with these out of nowhere favors. Come by and visit sometime.”

“Of course! Yoshiko needs to get to know her godfather, afterall.”

“Her what?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been four years.... I miss you, Aneko.

Indeed, four years have passed since the disappearance of his cousin. What had only meant to be a three day weekend of watching his newfound goddaughter had taken a somber turn when news spread of a massive villain attack in the city where his cousin’s agency was undergoing their annual battle training. Normally, such an outright attack on a congregation of heroes would be wildly unsuccessful, if not laughable. But this instance was far from normal. In broad daylight, the entire building just vanished. Along with everyone inside it.

Investigations were still underway to locate the missing heroes. But in the four years of the aftermath, too little leads yielded little hope. Many families were grieving and others were moving on, adjusting to their new lives; Shota included. Suddenly, he found himself to be the only family baby Yoshiko had left. Her mother was missing and as far as he knew, Aneko had been on her own.

Once he came to terms with the fact that he was now her legal guardian, he had pulled out all the stops. Parenting books, crib shopping, taking a leave of absence from his agency, and enlisting the help of a few friends like Ms. Joke and Present Mic. Despite not having any children herself, Fukukado was great with children. She always seemed to know what to do to get a laugh out of the child without the use of her quirk. Mic knew some good lullabies to lull her to sleep.

Even with all the help he had been receiving from those around him, he still found himself questioning his abilities. How was he supposed to raise a child? Aizawa never had any siblings growing up and was raised to be independent from the get go. Aizawa knew he couldn’t rely on their help forever, so he spent countless hours practicing on his own. In no time at all, he learned to change diapers, properly prepare bottles, braid hair, put outfits together, etc. and as Yoshiko got older, he was constantly finding himself picking toys off of the ground, trying to get her to eat her vegetables, preparing special meals for her, struggling to get her to sit still in the morning long enough to brush her hair. It was hard work. And he loved every minute of it.

Finally, in the blink of an eye, Yoshiko was old enough to start school. It should have been a relief to have her start school. It would mean that she was being kept under close supervision at all times for the better part of the day so that he could focus a little more on his work. As it was, being a single, working father was hard enough. Having somewhere she could be safe while he worked gave him a little bit of breathing room, but lately, he had been reminded that villains didn’t seem to care for heroes’ personal lives and would make their little heists at ungodly hours of the day. Or just any time he could have spent with his daughter.

With a sigh, the erasure hero pulled his goggles over his eyes and refocused on his current mission at hand. His agency had gotten word of suspicious activity on one end of town and had sent him to investigate. Silently, he crept towards the edge of the building overlooking an alleyway. It looked to be some sort of contraband deal. There were six figures in total; nothing too serious. Working quickly, he made sure to apprehend them and made short work of them in no time. The only injury he sustained was a cut along his upper arm from one of the thugs’ talons when he let him get too close. All things considered, that injury was the least of his problems.

“Shoot!” The injury could wait. He was nearly two hours late picking up Yoshiko from pre-school. Working quickly, he made sure to bind the thugs together away from the contraband and contacted the authorities. It took forever for them to arrive, it seemed. By the time the first cop car arrived, Eraserhead was already wrapping his scarf onto the building ledge.

“Wait!” The cop called, “Eraserhead, we need a statement!”

“That’ll have to wait,” He responded curtly, “I’m already late picking up my daughter.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, a little girl with violet hair and yellow floral overalls is sitting in the doorway of a classroom, drawing in the dirt with her finger. Her backpack is lain against the wall. Two of her teachers are watching from inside the classroom and exchange worried glances. The younger of the two, Akiyama, approaches her and kneels down next to her.

"How are you doing, sweetie? Your dad still isn't here yet?"

"Nope."

"Do you want to come inside? It’s going to be dark soon.”

“No, thank you.” she replied, not looking up from her drawings, “Daddy will come.”

“I know sweetie, but we need to get you inside. We’ll call your dad again in a few minutes.” She holds out a hand towards Yoshiko. “Come on. You can have a snack if you want, too.”

Yoshiko finally looks up at her and stares at her hand blankly. She hums in hesitation before glancing out one more time at the empty parking lot. “I don’t…”

A loud screeching of tires sounds through the air and a taxi is seen skidding past the pickup area, grinding to a halt a few feet away from where the classroom door is. The poor teacher’s aide next to Yoshiko screams and falls back, but the little girl smiles with glee. Aizawa jumps out the driver’s side and a very frightened taxi driver scrambles out of the passenger side.

The driver clutches his stomach and raises a shaking finger at Aizawa, “Y-you! What are you crazy?! You could have killed us!”

The other teacher rushes out of the classroom and kneels down at the side of the petrified aide. She shoots Aizawa a very angry look. “Sir!” she screamed, “This is a school, for Heaven’s sake!”

He pays no attention to them, instead, focusing on the one shout that mattered.

“Daddy!”

He rushed around the car to the little Yoshiko who is bouncing up and down excitedly. She’s raising her arms and he scoops her up into a hug with an apologetic look on his face.

“Hey, hey…” he murmured, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect work to keep me out so late. I’ll be on time tomorrow, okay? I promise.”

“It’s okay Daddy,” she said snuggling her face into his shirt, “I knew you’re coming!”

The older teacher, Hayashi, is helping up Akiyama while holding a steady glare at the “Sir,” she reprimanded, “This cannot continue. We have told you countless times that we are not a daycare center. When 3 o’clock rolls around, you are expected to be here, on TIME, to pick up your child. I understand you’re a busy man, but given that you are already aware of these instances, I implore you to make arrangements at an actual after school child care facility-”

“I am not trusting my baby to a stranger,” Aizawa interrupted, holding Yoshiko tighter, “The background check process took long enough with this school, I don’t have the time to interview other daycares.”

“Well, I’m sorry, sir, but something has to be done. Take it up with your employer; we can’t keep doing this.”

The tension hung in the air for a brief moment before Aizawa finally relented with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I’ll see what I can do. I’ll be here tomorrow.”

Hayashi crossed her arms and said, “See to it that you do.” before leading Akiyama back to the classroom by the elbow.

“Looks like I have work to do,” Aizawa humphed. He pulled Yoshiko away from him and placed her on his shoulders. “You want to take the scenic route home?”

“Yes!” she cried, clapping her hands happily. Aizawa wrapped one end of his scarf around her like a makeshift seatbelt and readied the other in his free hand. Before taking off, he dug around in his pocket for a few bills. He promptly handed them to the taxi driver who, though no longer shaking, still remained a little green from the incident.

“Sorry about that. We’ll take the high road home from here. Let’s go!”

Yoshiko waved bye-bye to the taxi driver one last time. And with that, he swung off high above the building tops.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright, Yoshiko,” he said putting her down once they got home, “go put your backpack away. I’ll clean up a little and get dinner started.”

“Okay!”

While she bounded off to her room, Aizawa made his way to his own room to grab a fresh set of clothes and get changed. He winced a little at a small pain in his upper arm and remembered his wound. The cut wasn’t deep. Nothing a bandage shouldn’t be able to take care of. After wrapping it quickly, he headed back to the kitchen and set some noodles to boil on the stovetop. While that was cooking, he found Yoshiko sitting at the table with crayons and pages scattered all around her. Most were adorned with colorful doodles of cats and flowers. She had her head bent low over her current project and was scribbling feverently. Aizawa took a spot next to her, leaning over curiously.

“What are you drawing there?”

Donning a wide grin, she proudly holds up her drawing, “It’s you!”

Indeed it was. As close to resembling Aizawa as a four year-old’s crayon drawing could be, anyway. Yoshiko had drawn a tall box looking man with wild black sticks for hair and giant pink swirls for his eyes. Beside the figure was a smaller box girl with violet sticks of hair pointing downward that seemed to be both holding hands with the Aizawa figure and holding this giant pudgy looking cat in her other arm. (Said cat was now rubbing himself along the feet of her chair, meowing for attention.) And on the top of the page was scrawled the words “ME AN DADE” Warmth blossomed in his chest as he took it all in. Yoshiko leaned over with big gleaming eyes. “Do you like it, daddy? Did I do good?”

Aizawa chuckled and pulled her over, giving her a kiss on the forehead, “I do. It’s beautiful, thank you. And you know what? I know the perfect place for this.”

She jumped off of her chair and followed him back to the kitchen where she watched him proudly stick a magnet on the corner and stuck it to the fridge. “How does that look?” He asked her. Instantly, she squealed and bounced around in joy. “It looks perfect!!”

He picked her up and planted another kiss on her head before setting her back down again. “I’m going to finish up here. Go draw me another one, okay?”

“I’m gonna make a big one!” she cried, running back to her crayons and starting on a clean page with a renewed vigor.

As he stirred the soba, Aizawa got to thinking. How did he end up with such a beautiful little girl? A small pang hit his heart as he recalled the specific details as to how he came to be her guardian, but it was replaced with determination to raise his goddaughter as if she were his own. So far, it looked like he was succeeding. She was growing up so fast, and so patient for her age. She had to come first, always. It wasn’t fair that what happened today was commonplace for her. At this rate, it could spiral out of control and he could be missing out on larger parts of her life.

No. He wasn’t going to let that happen. Working at the agency and trying to be there for Yoshiko was becoming too much of a losing battle. He would just have to take a break from hero work for a while. Try something else, teaching maybe. A lightbulb went off in his head and he grabbed his cell, dialing a certain blonde pro-hero.

“Hizashi? Could you come over and watch over Yoshiko for a little while? There’s something I need to do.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Principal Nedzu, thank you for meeting with me on such short notice”

“Not at all!” The small rodent hoisted himself up on a chair and settled down happily with his cup of tea. “I have often told you in the past that if you ever needed anything, all you had to do was ask. Surprisingly, not too many folks are too keen on the idea of coming to me when they need assistance. I ask for nothing in return; I’m so glad you are finally coming forward to speak with me. Just tell me what you need and we can work something out. Are you having issues in your current place of employment? Perhaps if we discussed it at great length-?”

“That won’t be necessary,” Aizawa interrupted hastily, “I am experiencing some difficulty with time management in my current agency. I called hoping to meet with you to discuss an employment opportunity you had offered to me in the summer.”

“Ah, yes!” Nedzu exclaimed, “I do recall contacting you. We are in need of a new homeroom teacher for the hero course. Have you reconsidered my offer? The position is still available if you are interested.”

Aizawa set his own cup down and leaned forward in his chair. “As a matter of fact, I have. I will be leaving my current agency soon in favor of a job with more manageable hours. Financially speaking, we are well off. But practically, I cannot raise my daughter if I am never home. And now that she has started school, I am having a difficult time finding a middle ground”

Nedzu nodded understandably, “Yes, I see. It is no easy task raising a child alone. But rest assured, here at U.A. we take care of our faculty members. Believe it or not, you are not the only teacher who has had difficulty with after school childcare. We have a daycare center in our main building. You are more than welcome to make use of it for your daughter. We can send someone over to retrieve her every day precisely at three o’clock and have her wait here until the school day has finished.”

Aizawa stiffens a little at the mention of someone else picking up Yoshiko from school. Nedzu catches the hesitation, “I see you are a little uneasy still? Not to worry, Eraserhead, we are all trained professionals here. Your daughter will be in safe hands. You have my word”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night, Aizawa took special care in brushing and braiding Yoshiko’s hair. He sat with her on the bed while she busied herself with annoying the old black and white kitty by hugging him relentlessly. While he brushed, he pondered how to ask his next question.

“Yoshiko? I want you to tell me something.”

“Yes?”

“How does it make you feel when I am late picking you up from school? Or have to leave early sometimes and you have to stay with aunt Fukukado or uncle Hizashi until I get back?”

The question makes her pause and think. The cat uses this opportunity to flee but she makes no effort to grab him again. “Well...sometimes when you’re late, I feel sad. I have to wait longer to see you. And when you’re really late...I get scared…”

A surprised look comes across Shota’s face, “Scared?”

She nods in affirmation, “Uh-huh. I get scared...cuz what if you don’t come for me? I don’t want you to forget about me…then I would be alone...”

At that, he pulls her in for a hug, “No, no. I could never forget about you. I’m sorry that I’ve scared you so much that you even had to think that. Look at me,” He lifted her face to look her in the eye, “I promise-”

“Pinky promise?” she asked, holding up her little finger.

“Pinky promise,” he confirmed, hooking their pinkies together, “that no matter how long it takes me to get to you, or how far I go, that I will never, ever forget about you. It’s impossible. You’re my little girl. I’ll always make my way back to you, even if I have to fight a million monsters to get to you. I’ll fight a million and one, just to keep you safe.” He kissed her forehead and scootches her over to the pillow end of the bed, tucking her into her covers. “Now you rest easy tonight, okay? Daddy got a new job, so I’ll be there right on time waiting for you after school. How does that sound?”

Yoshiko smiled and yawned, turning into her covers, “Every day?”

“Almost every day. If I can’t, I’ll have your uncle come get you. You won’t be alone again. I’ll be here. I promise.”

The smile on her face grew wider and more content as she begins drifting off into sleep.

“Thank you.”

He ruffles her hair in response, “You’re welcome.” He picks up her teddy bear from the floor and places it next to her as he gets up to leave. He stood at the doorway, flicking off the light when she spoke in a soft whisper.

“Daddy?”

He turned his head back to his little girl, already cuddling with her bear and falling half-asleep, “Yes?”

“You’re a hero.”

Aizawa snorted a little chuckle, “I know. That’s my job.”

“No,” she opened her eyes a little, “You’re my hero.”

A sudden burst of warmth exploded in his chest. To hold that mantle in your daughter’s heart...it almost made him want to cry. Almost. One thing he knew for sure: he would never let anyone hurt his child. He would protect her with his final breath, fight off any monster she feared, and make sure that she would be loved and safe for the rest of her life.

Sometimes he would think back to his life without her and think of how it was so different since she came along. His life was a better place. And it was all thanks to her.

“I love you daddy.”

“I love you, too.”

FIN

#bnha #fanfic #secret santa #dailybnha #Christmas #present #I hope you have a great Christmas!#I'll talk to you later friend #:)

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castellankurze · 5 years

Text

freestyle rewriting the heresy yet again

because stuff occurred to me last night after that post about the traitor primarchs

if you wanna do the greek tragedy right every traitor primarch should have a primary flaw and a lesson that they fail to learn which overcomes them in the end

Fulgrim is obsession, or ‘perfection is the enemy of the good.’ Fulgrim has been good at everything his whole life. he turned Chemos from a dying shitpit into a vibrant and peaceful world, and when called up to become a warrior and commander he became a damn good one. He even built up his legion from almost nothing after disaster nearly wiped them out. But now he’s actually competing with people on his level and it gets to him. He trains himself almost religiously, struggling to cut away the imperfections. He expects his legion to always improve; uniformly, to Fulgrim there’s nothing more disgraceful than failing to better yourself, no matter the circumstances, no matter how unreasonable it may be. It’s what leads him to letting Fabius tinker recklessly with the legion geneseed. To steal a line from the stewniverse “if I’m not perfect then who am I?”

His friendship with Ferrus is something that should be cast as the anchor on Fulgrim’s flights of fancy. Ferrus is prosaic and hardworking and responsible, gruff and bluff and earthy; he acts as a balance to Fulgrim’s mounting fanatical belief that he must be the best at everything at all times. Ferrus’ death can thus be cast as the loss of reason amidst the insanity of the heresy, and it’s what snaps Fulgrim’s last ties to sanity leaving him to plunge himself and his legion wholesale into the service of Slaanesh.

Perturabo is cold logic, or ‘humans aren’t rational.’ Perturabo believes that the ideal being is a Renaissance Man, the great thinker, expert in all fields, unburdened by such petty things as ‘emotion’ or ‘bonds’ or ‘human interest’. Perturabo believes mankind is best served by shutting up, sitting down, and working. Human error is a failstate and not to be countenanced. But people don’t function like that, fundamentally can’t function as if they’re datasheets on a page, and Perturabo gets irked when they don’t. Because even Perturabo doesn’t function like that, not really - he’s like one of those rationalists who claim they can operate perfectly logically, then throw a screaming tantrum when faced with a conclusion they don’t like.

Perturabo alienates everyone around him - his brethren, his legion, even his homeworld. To his eyes, they all fail him by not meeting his standards; they’re all too human, too soft. Perturabo’s insistence that he is incapable of failure is what tragically leaves him wide open to manipulation by Horus, who drives him and the Iron Warriors further and further into their self-dug bitterness and isolationism until Olympia itself revolts and the last nail is pounded into the coffin.

Konrad Curze is vengeance, or ‘fear exists to be conquered.’ Curze took control of Nostromo through savage terrorism, cowing the populace and the gangs and the murderers who preyed on people through shocking acts of murder and barbarism. He’s so good at it, though, that he never acknowledges the critical flaw - when he leaves Nostromo, he takes away the object of people’s fear, and he never setup a system to govern them without the threat of retaliation. The Night Lords become staffed with psychopaths and murderers, their unity as a legion slowly fraying. Curze himself sees torturous visions and nightmares, but it’s all without context, and he doesn’t particularly like wearing the device the Emperor made for him to curb the worst of it because he feels like it makes thinking difficult, so he just does without, becoming more erratic and unpredictable. In the end he lets himself be done in, with the line ‘death is nothing compared to vindication’ which can arguably taken as a recognition that he had become the kind of monster he once hunted.

Angron is, of course, rage or, to quote tumblr, ‘the hate you feel will warm your heart but leave you cold in the grave’. Of all the primarchs he’s the one with whom you can most do the cycle of violence thematic. He’s taken as a slave as a gladiator, leads a revolt, he’s ‘rescued’ by the Emperor on the brink of a crushing defeat, and becomes a rampaging one-man slaughterhouse loosed upon the galaxy. Angron’s response to his mistreatment is two-pronged: a total rejection of any authority deemed untrustworthy, fueled by his upbringing and the Emperor’s high-handedness, and a colossal hate-on for anything and everything. Angron wallows in his hate, because for him hate and violence are easy. The result is that he’s something of a foil for Perturabo - Angron doesn’t think, because he doesn’t like to think. The World Eaters become a riot of bloodthirsty killers, the librarians and chaplaincy first sidelined and then, at least in the case of the former, eliminated, because they’re not savage enough.

If the plot device of the battle cybernetics (’Butcher’s Nails’ in the BL series) is kept, it’s primary use is as a plot device to show the cycle of abuse - Angron has it forced on him as a child, he forces it upon his legion in turn. I’ve never been a great fan of the Nails as a plot device (especially in the BL series; it makes things too easy) because it’s not like they’re necessary to push someone into a Khornate rage, but they can work as a tipping point to help push the legion over the edge, especially back by Horus’ manipulations.

Mortarion is resentment, specifically, ‘bitterness is a poison.’ Like how Angron wallows in rage and Curze wallows in the fear he causes, Mortarion wallows in bitter hatred. He hates the aliens who ruled Barbarus, especially the one who raised him, he hates the poisons of his homeworld itself, he hates the Emperor, and most of all he hates himself. Mortarion falls into the trap of constantly comparing what we might have been to what we are - if he’d been found by humans. if he’d landed on a different world. if he’d taken the Emperor up on his offer of aid. if he didn’t need to wear a damn rebreather. Nevertheless he surrounds himself with the trappings of his home, poisons and toxins and rad-weapons because they’re his, dammit, and fuck you for trying to take them away from him. Mortarion keeps slogging onwards with what he’s got because there’s nothing else to him.

Magnus the Red is haughtiness, or ‘ivory-tower intellectualism.’ When you’re willing to learn and Magnus is willing to teach, he’s a great guy. When he’s willing to learn and you’re willing to teach, he’s a great guy. But Magnus has been either student or teacher for most of his life, and he has trouble defining a relationship outside those bounds. He’s that guy who’s an expert on anything he’s studied for five minutes, even though you know he never heard of it six minutes ago. And if you’re better at him than something, well, it’s something he’s never studied. Magnus can be exasperating, and, in considering the fate of his legion, dangerous. The Thousand Sons have a very strong ‘for me and not for thee’ streak to him, delving deeply into study of the warp and sorcerous practices that scream Bad Idea and ignore any attempts to warn them off of it, because they know better. They’re not going to fall into any traps. Even the Council of Nikaea, what should be taken as a dire warning to shape up, does little more than throw Magnus into a extended snitfit about the Emperor’s unwillingness to see things his way.

Horus is, of course, ambition, and ‘pride goeth before a fall.’ When the Emperor retreats from the Crusade to, you know, run the Imperium, Horus takes over the campaign trail personally, spending long years heading up the Imperium’s conquest of the galaxy, and as the awards and adoration and adulation and accolades and other a-words pile up he starts getting it into his head that he ought to be the rightful ruler of the whole shebang. While recovering from wounds on the planet Davin, he’s introduced to the powers of the warp through the warrior lodges there, and so strikes a fateful bargain to sway the greater power of the Imperium’s war machine to his side along with his brothers and topple the Emperor. He becomes a creature unlike any seen before or since, a font of Chaos power such that even the four great powers seem more held than holders of his leash. Drunk on power - both the political and very, very real kinds - it’s not until things fall apart aboard his flagship that Horus realizes how very, very badly he’s fouled up.

Lorgar is zealotry, or to be more accurate ‘you can’t externalize self-righteousness.’ Lorgar frames his mindset as a search for truth, but really what he wants is what everybody wants: to be on the right side. Lorgar’s problem is that he fundamentally cannot internalize the idea that morality is what you do, or to quote Horus Rising ‘we must be mighty because we are right, not right because we are mighty.’ Lorgar grows up steeped in the old faith of Colchis, but when he starts having visions and the existing power structure rejects him, he overthrows it because he knows he’s right, the universe told him he’s right, and when the Emperor shows up he feels validated, and doesn’t even notice how Emps is a little put off by the displays of veneration. When he goes on the Crusade he turns it into a literal religious crusade, stopping at every planet to fully convert it before moving on.

Eventually the Emperor shows up to kick him into gear, because the Word Bearers are the S L O W E S T legion by far and their ties to other legions are fraying and maybe put down some of the religious stuff. Lorgar cannot reconcile this discrepancy between the image of the God-Emperor he believes he understood perfectly and the actual Emperor telling him to cool it and basically dissociates himself into next month. Eventually this one dude named Kor Phaeron who Lorgar’s known since they were kids suggests maybe Lorgar should go back and look at the old faiths again, at which point Lorgar starts digging into a new, and to him, even bigger ‘truth’ than the Emperor. Then a dude from the Sons of Horus arrives and shit goes buckwild. But for all the work he’s done, Lorgar still can’t see himself as anything but a vessel for truth, effectively sheltering himself under the Horus and the Chaos gods instead of the Emperor, and when things go sideways on Terra he all but collapses because he can’t understand how shit’s gone south again.

Alpharius, finally, is the inferiority complex, or ‘don’t define yourself by your relationships to others.’ Alpharius is not only the last primarch, he’s the last primarch to be publicly discovered, so late in the Crusade that the Emperor’s already handed the reins over to Horus. As a result, everyone else has an achievement list as long as their arm and people won’t stop fucking comparing Alpharius and the XX Legion against the others. Alpharius is an A+ tactical commander, but this shit makes him mad as hell. He names the XX the Alpha Legion to emphasize how badass they are and drills the shit out of them at the chapter, company, and even squad level until they know their shit backwards and forwards.

For Alpharius, there’s no question of whose side he’s on, because Horus is his big bro and he doesn’t care for the Emperor. Ironically, despite his keen strategic mind, Alpharius is unable to recognize the bigger picture of how Horus and the other traitor legions are...maybe getting a little sketchy? He just knows this is gonna be his chance to get back at the folks who shit-talked him and his boys. Instead of joining the march on Terra, the Alpha Legion goes across the galaxy, harrying the Ultramarines, the Space Wolves, and the Dark Angels. But unlike Alpharius, Guilliman can stay focused on the big picture, and though delayed it’s ultimately the word of the reinforcements coming in that causes Horus to throw down with the Emperor. Of course the Alpha Legion goes on their merry way, until the fight at Eskrador where Alpharius finally gets to stick it to Bobby G - he dies, but he’s lured the Ultramarines into an untenable position and ultiamtely they’re the ones who have to retreat. But afterwards, the blind spot comes back into play, and the Alpha legion ultimately fragments and goes sailing into the Eye of Terror and the other warpstorms along with the other traitor legions because nobody knows enough of the Plan anymore.

this post got longer than i meant it to be but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what can i say even though it’s been almost a decade now since i stopped seriously following 40k books i still have The Thoughts about the little plastic dudes

#40k #Horus Heresy #long post #primarchs #kurze writes #kurze rants

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