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ace-aro-queerplatonic-positivity · 5 months

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The Multiamory Podcast did an Episode (Ep.438) discussing the intersection of polyamory and aromanticism.

Explicitly polyamorous/ polyaffectionate aromantics, not asexuals!

You are all welcome to chip in/ add on through reblogs and tags and commentary!

The relevant Facebook announcement got shared into a group I happen to be in and as I commented, thanking the person for sharing it seeing as the group wasn’t aro-related at all, I got politely asked to explain how polyamory works for me as an aromantic asexual.

Keep in mind this explanation was targeted for an audience/ readership of allo-allo polyamorous people.

Also: CONTENT WARNING ⚠️

Internalised acephobia, self-depreciation, implication of sexualised abuse, mention of faithfulness

So the first thing I always say is that: disclaimer – obviously I can only talk about my personal perspective and aromantic people are very diverse, asexual people are very diverse

I just happen to be an asexual aromantic, whereas many aromantics are allosexual (meaning any sexual orientation that isn’t asexuality); seeing as this post is explicitly about the intersection of aromanticism and polyamory

I personally want a queerplatonic/ alterous life partner

That’s my personal wish, I want someone to share my life with

I consider myself polyaffectionate, seeing as I’m not “amorous” in any way shape or form

To me this means a few things

1) I practice relationship anarchy – I do not place a romantic relationship on some arbitrary pedestal, every relationship is important to me and that relationship looking like romance doesn’t mean much

For the other things I need to explain about myself first

I am a sex-averse asexual. I have had sex. I didn’t like it. I am generally sex-positive but I don’t necessarily want/ seek sex as part of any committed relationship; rather I’d avoid sex

(This following bit is self-depreciation but) Because of that I think I shouldn’t “tie down” any partner. Someone willing to be with me shouldn’t suffer for it and hence I don’t see a point in being possessive/ demanding sexual faithfulness – although the details would need to depend on the partner(s) and situation

Also due to me not making a grave distinction between “best friend” and “date friend” I just think it’s easier to call myself polyaffectionate since relationships involving me need thorough explanation anyway

I have explored through writing* what I’d like for myself and that basically always ends up that I’d like to be comfortable “sharing” my partner with pre-determined other people

I would only agree to a closed polycule, although I don’t need to be involved with everyone in it

Also I always hoped if I get that, if I get to have a queerplatonic polycule, it could be a found family and support network more than dating in the classical sense

Again, keep in mind all of this is just my personal perspective and I don’t speak for other aromantic people or other asexual people

Many asexuals are fine with/ want sex

Some aromantics are non-partnering/ would only practice solo-poly

My ideal relationship would be having one or two partners I live with, who are my family, who I can cuddle or leave to their own devices, basically a house share and we each cuddle and kiss each other as we please 🙈

—The thing is I’m aware I probably talk like someone who doesn’t value themself enough

Like, if I believed I could be enough for a partner my whole stance would be slightly different

But I have not yet made the experience that what I can offer (a sexless, queerplatonic commitment) is enough for people

I’m fully aware that mindset isn’t healthy but until someone proves I can be enough for them, well… “outsourcing” sex is easier than worrying

And if it’s a genuine relationship I’m happy for them, in any case

I wholeheartedly mean that I’d like a closed polycule and would be comfortable as described

But I also acknowledge that part of it comes from feeling inadequate/ not wanting to hold back the person(s) I love

I just know I can’t provide what – to many people – is a need

And since I know I can love more than one person at the same time I think getting to be with someone who also has other partners is my best chance… if that makes sense

As I said, I write a lot and with my latest novel-attempt* I think I found the relationship model I’d be comfortable with 🙈

* I have indeed written multiple fan fictions as well as original fiction about a self-insert character navigating relationships as I would like them to play out (setting aside the overarching plot of the individual fiction works) but seeing as I’m a pro-shipper and actually do have a writing side-blog, I don’t feel all that comfortable to just straight-up link my own writing here. Due to the here relevant works all featuring central relationships with a self-insert character, these works are also deeply personal. More so than other ship fiction I have written. I have linked these works on here before - as part of “#queerplatonic fiction” lists - but never really put “my name” (this blog’s URL) directly to them

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takeyourhands · 4 months

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aro self shippers i do it all for u 💪💪💪

#shush tara #aro #aromantic #aroace #arospec #self ship #self shipping #self shipper

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spadeselfshipcorner · 3 months

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I've been noticing there's a lot of fellow Ace and Aroace people in this community- And it's so cool?? Istg it makes me so happy çwç

#self ship #selfshipping #self ship community #self shipper #asexual #aromantic #spade rambles

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ballsalsda · 4 months

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guys am i valid if im fictoromantic and dont have an f/o or desire a serious relationship with any of my fictional crushes or is there a different label for that

#the thing is #i dont even know if what im experiencing is romantic attraction #the fact that i havent wanted a relationship with any of them could mean its aesthetic attraction #idk #fictoromantic #aroace #aromantic #fictosexual #asexual #f/o #f/o community #romantic f/o #lgbtq+#self ship #self shipper #fictional other #self ship community

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spicy-gf-archive · 11 months

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haiii!!! i’m tamari :3c i’m the genderless android who’s battery-powered! also i selfship. that’s very cool, i guess!! ^_^ go on and follow me to the most weirdest android as your mutual :3c

#i didn’t expect it to be promo hour sooooo soon!! 0_0;;#📣 shout me out #self ship community #selfship #self ship promo #self shipper #promo hour #self ship #aroace selfshipper #aromantic selfshipper #asexual selfshipper #“tamari. didn’t you already posted this?” YES I DID!!!#i had to post it again. because i forgot to tag it… TT-TT

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maxthesillyy · 9 months

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i made a silly (i wanted to draw both max and chloe + max eepy eyes so :3)

dont mind them theyre just doing their daily affirmations

#drawing in this style is actually so fun :3 #also if you wanna know what i mean by red eyed max just look up red eye effect #i dont rlly have anything to say bout this #i just made it for sillies and funsies #doing the arms was surprisingly difficult #still looks weird but thats ok :p #max caulfield #chloe price #my shipper self and aromantic self r fighting rn #like when i made this i didnt make it with the intent of it being romantic #idk im just gonna tag it #pricefield (platonic or romantic)#lis #life is strange

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shiutsu · 1 year

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stop putting selfshippers/fictos down, aro community.

like yeah,we replaced actual people with our f/os..what's the issue with it?..

why do you assume that every aro replaces a romantic partner with a friend or qpr?..

why do you think every aro is desiring a qpr? And put down those who don't want anyone at all?..

And when a self shipper/ficto confesses that they have a f/o, you just start to get insane and suddenly you turned into a "human obsessed" fuck?..

like our f/os aren't something bellow humans, in fact,they're more bearable than them..

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someweirdfucker · 8 months

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oh by the way im a self shipper. yes im aroace and yes im fucking and dating several fictional characters and being gay as shit. it happens.

#self shipper #self ship #f/o community #aroace #aromantic #asexual

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grimescum-2 · 6 months

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need 50 more of this little blonde bitch pronto

#/affectionate #i am so scared of saying something corny but i wanna point out #its kinda funny how yesterday i was all like man maybe i really am aromantic #and now im.sitting here making a playlist for him and im like ermm #so embarrassing . head in hands #flea.talks #how are self shippers so confident i dont understand thie #guiltygearposting

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grossboyfriend · 2 years

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ARO AND/OR ACE SELFSHIPPERS REBLOG THIS I WANNA MEET MORE OF YOU!!!

#aromantic #asexual #self shipping community #self shipper

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lauralifeleaf · 2 years

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5 Facts About Me!

My birthday is August 23

I use She/They pronouns

I have Autism, ADHD, & Anxiety

I’m on the AroAce Spectrum

My favorite games are Overwatch and Wizard101

If you want to know more about me, feel free to ask!

DNI: Proshippers, Pedos, Anti-LGBTQIA+, etc.

#laurascorner #get to know me #asks open #asexual #aromantic asexual #aromantic #aroace #aroace writer #autisitc writer #autistic adult #overwatch #lgbtqia #about me #me #self shipper

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strawberries-n-ships87 · 2 years

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So like. I might be aro?? Like I have no desire to date irl??? Idk cause I thought I liked this guy but then I sometimes don’t (if that makes sense)

I know I’m ace tho lol

#help I’m having a crisis #aromantic #asexual #self shipping community #self shipper #self ship blog #self ship community #random

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unlikelyjapan · 10 months

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Full disclosure: I wasn't a Syd/Carmy shipper until two weeks ago. Hell, I don't think I've ever been a shipper of anything up until this moment - but I've been happily married to my slow-burn best friend for eons, so this all struck a deep, nostalgic chord for me. Consider this post my coming-out party:

This whole thing came about from that well-worn Freud quote that "friendship is the art of distance while love is the art of intimacy" that I recalled from a crude psychology class.

From the most shallow, birds-eye POV, Carmy achieved intimacy with Claire (while maintaining distance/friendship with Syd) by disclosing details of his family situation, his panic attacks, expressing romantic affection, and establishing physical intimacy with someone.

He even seemed more eager to relay and express these experiences to his friends (see the cannoli conversation with Syd and Marcus) as he went deeper into the relationship. From this perspective, I empathize with people when they say they see his relationship with Claire as real personal growth, followed by a steep regression.

Claire seems to pantomime someone who is secure, but is actually pretty anxious in matters of the heart - the idealized projections she places on Carmy based on her proximity to him a decade ago, her unwillingness to walk away from the red flag of the 'wrong number' fiasco, and her unrelenting insistence to know why he tried to dodge her in the first place. I'll say nothing of the constant placating.

Claire is a sort of a faux 'sword of destiny' for Carmy - he yearned for her attention in his youth, it was loudly proclaimed to be "the good thing" by his abusive family, and so it's the only logical choice in Carmy's mind once he's beaten over the head with it for the umpteenth time - it's the love chosen for him by his family and his past self before he pieced together ways to partially escape, it's fatalism, it's the end of the weary search for "fun" and happiness.

He's never truly happy or having "fun" (as he doesn't know how to define that in his mind - that's why we're tortured with 5 grueling minutes of Logan), but he feels cared for and is going through the motions of being "that guy who is fun and in love".

Love even had to be defined for him by his inherited family friend/handyman who he didn't even know was his "best friend" until Claire relayed it to him - he blindingly accepted both assertions from Fak, falling back into his family's narrative that he can't survive or be normal without their collective help.

By contrast, Sydney is probably the first thing Carmy has ever chosen for himself without outside influence from family or employers. She was his first hired employee, his first true friend who wasn't a blood relative, and probably the first person he feels mirrors his passions without a need to compete with her over them.

Sydney is a choice - she is happiness (in whatever shape or form that you choose to define it, it can be aromantic if you'd like) that Carmy found all by himself, without the narrative being driven by outside influences. They have fun together on their own frequency, but Carmy's black-and-white thinking can't recognize it for what it is - he's still reaching for a sense of "fun" that was repeatedly sold to him as his family tried to push him along the path of normalcy (an impossible feat for a Berzatto).

Syd and Carmy share a brand of maternal grief/strife and a profound love of service that breeds a slow intimacy. By saying "you deserve my full focus" Carmen is saying that Sydney's happiness is more important than his own, which can sound abysmal in type, but is also a natural pre-req for love when given willingly - which I think he is giving willingly for her, just not willingly for the anxiety and minutiae that comes with actually running a fine dining restaurant. He needs someone he can have absolute trust in to hold his hand through that part.

That's why he could only create The Bear with her, and why he says he wouldn't want to do it without her.

They're both fearful and avoidant, which is a fatally-wounding powder keg if they were to connect this instant, but with ever-growing intimacy and self-work (which Claire - however insufferable her dialogue - probably planted seedlings in with Carmy, and his openness and absolute trust in Sydney could drive her towards, too) their coming together could heal many of their longstanding wounds.

This was more of a meandering walk than I hoped, but I think it all comes down to actively choosing happiness vs. passively chosen happiness - Sydney is the first thing Carmy has ever chosen for himself, and we were beaten over the head with depictions of how much he cherishes that agency and Syd this season. I really hope S3 is a big mess of mirroring and sharing for them.

#the bear fx #the bear season 2 #the bear spoilers #the bear #syd x carmy #sydcarmy #carmy berzatto #carmy x claire #carmy x sydney #chefs kiss

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tocomplainfriend · 5 months

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Also, about Alastor being Asexual AND Aromantic!

(I'm in the Ace spectrum btw!)

This still includes my own takes, if there is other Ace or Aro and Aroace people that can put how they feel about the topic-hear them out as well!

I FOUND THE CLIP!

Some asked Viv if Alastor had romantic attraction (bi-romatic, pan-romantic...) She says:

"If I give the real cannon answer...it's gonna... it's gonna... I don't want to ruin anybody's fun, so..."

Again, is about priority for fandom fun for self-shippers and shippers. Giving shippers (who some don't care for canon sexualities and do whatever anyway with shipping and fan art) priority over aromantic and aroace representation. If she just said that "Alastor is also aromantic" many people still would ship him and shit, so???? Again even if people stopped shipping Alastor why is that more important?

Many people I see only say he is Ace, cause this is never really said half as much as it is mentioned him being Asexual. +this is also fully with the idea that Alastor would be a "No sex/sexual attraction whatsoever" and "No romantic attraction whatsoever". Meaning no "asexual but has sex" or any Demi-romantic and like wise. If him being aro "ruins ships" she means that he is fully "No romantic attraction whatsoever". THERE IS NO WAY SHE MEANT IT OTHERWISE. (Also in case she changes that about the character in the series remember this post, She deleted Aromantic representation she once claimed to exist under her breath...)

She has put Alastor into this position being a Psychopath/Sociopath, and therefore he is also asexual and aromantic, cause Psychopath/Sociopath = no emotions. (???). She has also put Alastor into the "I don't know what sex is" box, girl... he is 40. "He only loves himself, and he is selfish" = aroace... blablabla. A bland, shitty representation of asexuality and aromanticism... :/

Also, he is mixed creole apparently? Like where LMAO? Non, a single feature on that man right there. Take this redesign from: "bigrowdydemon" on Twitter! Overall better design and gives him black features. Even with all gray and red color scheme, does not delete his features. (Will talk about this later! In another post).

#helluva boss critique #vivziepop critique #hazbin hotel critical #vivziepop critical #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critical #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel critique #bad asexual representation #asexual #asexual representation

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shiutsu · 1 year

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I hate that there isn't any other humanoid species besides this one.

Cause..if you get mad at humans for their bs, you're still expected to be attracted to them.

And if here were other humanoid species (mermaids,fairies,maybe magicians, angels etc),you would have no problem w dating (if u still seeked it ofc)..

But since they unfortunately don't exist.. You cannot.. You have to continue with this shit species.

And if you despise humanity,that it turned u into aspec that self ships (or you're fine w absolutely nobody).. You're getting called cringe and despised just cause your partner doesn't exist... And you're expected to change cause apparently you're supposed to forgive this fucking species.

If we get into the aspecness deep.. You could notice,that people that are somehow more attraction repulsed than the rest of the community... They're heavily ignored..

And if we wanted more representation by making the content and..u know,not including attraction positive content.. We're bashed and "you're just stereotyping the label!!".. But if attraction positive individual doesn't include the repulsed ones,then it's completely okay..

Like people think they're special and better just cause they're attracted to each other. Like grow up, you ain't special mf.

(For the otherkin tags; you could apply this to even identifying as an otherkin or nonhuman;getting called delusional or having some weird nonsense like "oh it's sad that they've been disappointed by humanity/ they're so delusional,why do they hate their human body? It's amazing being this species!!",like..stfu pls)

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