#anyway was just thinking about it today. do in fact think 'so consecution???' was the 'you want to have kids right?' of the dens lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lucyandthepen · 2 years

Text

a lesson on style - ii . [ ljn | njm ]

pt. i, pt. ii, pt. iii, pt. iv., pt. v, pt. vi

you’ve always been content with being associated with one word and one word only: average. average in looks, academics and social skills, you’re just looking to graduate high school without causing disasters you’ll have to live with until you kick the bucket. when you’re paired with school king lee jeno for the semester-long physics thesis, you can’t help but think the entire situation has pretty much set itself up for failure. that is, until you strike a deal with your partner. alternatively: an au tale involving lessons in popularity, eleven consecutive B minuses, a secretly sensitive, chess-loving jock, and an amateur sex tape.

pairing: jeno x fem!reader, jaemin x fem!reader verse: high school au { jocks!nomin ft. a super cute whiny ap physics genius renjun } rating: M sexual themes chapter warnings: none word count: 5.2k

author’s note: what if i said i wanted to post all 6 chapters of this already but i also need a ton of time to update so there’s no lag but i’m too excited for this fic so what do i even do with my life ANYWAYS enjoy :)

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“_________, is that you, honey?”

“Yes, mom, it’s me; I’m home,” you sigh, shutting the door with your foot. You hear the pounding of footsteps, and your mother appears, clutching the railing that prevented her from toppling over from the second landing. She grins widely, and you try not to comment on the fact that there’s still some powdery white stuff peppering the edges of her nose as you ascend the stairs.

You’re well aware that your parents had been the poster children for the hippie age, with their whole liberal, make love not war perspective towards life that they carried on with as they raised you and your siblings. Your mom still believes in all that ouija board, negative energy/positive energy bullshit with the weird healing crystal thing, and you’ve also seen your dad’s flamboyantly colored bell bottom pants with the super manly floral pattern at the ankles. While they are totally loving, totally nurturing parents who want the best for their children, sometimes it’s tricky to tell when they’re snorting it up in their bathroom. Once, you had walked in on them when you were looking for a pair of pantyhose you could borrow from your mom for some business attire thing you needed for school. You politely declined their offer to join them — you know, even if it was supposed to be a parental bonding moment, and stuff.

Other than that, though, they’re great. You guess.

“How was school, honey?” She coos, as though you’re five and not graduating from high school in the next few months.

“Oh, it was okay,” you walk into your room, and she follows you in as you pull Jaemin’s jacket off your back. “We’re having a Physics Term Project, mom, and you’ll never guess who my partner is — ”

“Baby, what happened to your shirt?” She interrupts you.

“What? Oh, that–” You try (see: fail) to glance at your back. “Yeah, it was just an accident, I’ll put it in the wash.”

“Oh, no need; let me,” without further ado, she approaches you and, with a tremendous tug, yanks your shirt up your torso and over your head.

“Mom!” You cry as she struggles momentarily with your shocked, writhing body.

“Hold still – ah. Here we go.” She looks triumphant as she detaches you from your clothes.

“Could you warn me next time?” You wrap your arms around your body, wrinkling your nose. She rolls her eyes.

“_________, I am your mother. I’ve seen you naked ten million times. I even birthed you from my womb, and you were naked then.” She ignores the affronted look that crosses your face. “Now, what were you saying about this physical project?”

“Physics,” You correct her. “Anyway, we got partnered up today, and guess who my partner is.”

“Ooooh, guessing games. I love guessing games. Did you know your father and I were planning to host a murder mystery party for our last anniversary? Okay,” she taps her lips with her finger. “Renjun?”

“No, he’s not even in my class.”

“Oh, that Chenle boy you went to junior prom with?”

“No,” You say, swallowing down the embarrassment that threatens to rise in your throat.

“Shame, I liked him.”

“Yeah, well he’s dating another one of your daughters now, so don’t feel too bad.”

“Huh. Oh, that really good looking boy who plays football next door? The one with the nice smile,” she says, and you cringe. She means Jaemin. Na Jaemin, your neighbor, who you’re pretty sure your mom has a mild crush on. Which is super duper weird.

“Ew, mom, don’t say stuff like that.”

“Well, he is cute! So is it him?”

“No, it’s not him. Close, though, they’re friends.”

“Okay, I give up. Tell me!”

“You give up so easily. Reconsider that murder mystery thing.” You pause, out of hesitation or perhaps for dramatic effect. “Lee Jeno.”

Her eyes widen in surprise. “Isn’t that the boy you’ve been stalking all year?”

“I haven’t been stalking him!” You defend yourself, before muttering an addendum. “And it hasn’t been just a year.”

“Is he the one with the small eyes who’s always in the boy next door’s house?”

“Yea – how do you know that?”

“I have a window and eyes, honey, it’s really not that hard to notice.”

“Oh, well, yeah. That’s him.” How much time does your mom take ogling at Na Jaemin? Is there something going on that you need to know about? You’re fairly certain you weren’t up for anything happening like they do in those suburban TV shows from America – you know, where your classmate suddenly becomes your stepfather, and you have to call him “dad” in the hallway, and all the kids make fun of you and you become a social pariah, etc.

“He’s also good-looking, isn’t he? That Jaemin boy?”

“Yes,” you reply to cut the conversation short. “Mom, do you know how weird it is when you think one of my schoolmates is good looking?”

“I’m just commenting on them for you, honey. Your father is all the good-looking I need.”

“Uh huh,” you pick up Jaemin’s jacket, passing it to your mom. “Do you think that’d be done by tomorrow?”

“Which, the jacket?” She turns it over, examining the lettering at the back with an amused face. “Yes, I’ll have it dried by tonight. Why do you have the boy next door’s jacket?”

“Let’s just not relive the moment,” you suggest, and your mother shrugs.

“All right, fine.” She proceeds to exit your room, but not before calling out, “Just remember, I’ll end up assuming my own things!”

Ew. You hope she doesn’t go around assuming anything malicious, like that you’d snagged Na Jaemin’s letter jacket from him after you’d banged in the supply closet at school just before the janitor came in.

You sit down on your bed, taking your phone out from its dock. Deciding Renjun would be home from school by now, you punch in his number, humming a tune to the ringing. The fifth ring is cut short by a click and an out of breath male voice.

“Hello?”

“Renjun, you’ll never guess what happened today, all right, fine, I’ll tell you, I’ve been partnered up with Jeno in my Physics term project and oh my god, right, I can’t believe it either, anyway, I need your help, I told him I’d figure something out for our proposal and it’s due tomorrow but I haven’t got a clue what to do but I really need to impress him with something that’ll get us and A-plus for sure, so do you have anything that you could maybe sort of suggest for us to do?”

A pause blossoms.

“__________, this is you, right?” Renjun sounds miffed.

“Yes.”

“Jesus Chr— I’ve just gotten home, and I need to pee.”

“All right, fine, but hurry up,” you say impatiently, listening to the phone clatter down on a surface. Five minutes later brings a slightly less crabby Renjun back on the phone.

“Okay, kindly repeat, with more punctuation marks, your hopeless Lee Jeno delusion.”

“It isn’t a delusion,” you argue. “It’s for real, we’ve been partnered up for Physics and it’s great, but I don’t know what to do the project on.”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

“Help!” You frown at his unwillingness to cooperate.

“Help how?”

“Help me think of something for the project!”

“You mean, do the work for you,” Renjun snaps.

“Never mind, thanks for the support,” you say tartly, preparing to hang up.

“Hey, ___________, it’s not that I don’t want to help you, but you’ll just spend all your time mooning over Lee Jeno and fall into a black hole with the project, so I’ll have to save the day and do everything the night before you pass it just so that you won’t fail.”

“So you don’t want to help me,” you challenge.

“I want to help you; I don’t want to help him,” he clarifies, like this makes everything better. “I’d gladly cross an ocean of burning coal for you, but I refuse to help that Jeno guy get an A he doesn’t deserve.”

“It’s a group grade, I deserve it!” You say defensively.

“If you’d stop swooning over him for like one semester you could get straight A’s, you’re totally capable of it.”

“Please,” you snort. “The only straight A’s I’ve ever had are sitting on my chest, and I’m not proud of it.”

He lets out a heavy sigh that the phone mixes with static.

“So? Will you help me?”

“Yes, fine, but I expect a lot of verbal worship for this,” he sounds resigned, and you bite back a huge smile.

“Great, can you come over?”

You hear him groan softly. “All right, all right. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. You could start researching.”

“You know I won’t.”

“Oh my go—”is the last thing he says before the line goes dead. Feeling accomplished, you put the phone back in place and slipped out of the room, strolling casually down the stairs. You enter the kitchen with full plans to raid the fridge for a snack (and, you know, maybe something for Renjun), only to find your sister seated at the table.

“Oh, _________, you’re off the phone, good.” She stands up and crosses to the kitchen phone. You can’t help but notice that the nape of her neck is speckled with little silver dots.

“Sooyeon, why do you have glitter all over yourself?”

“Oh,” she glances down at her body briefly. “The new cheerleading outfits are super sparkly, we tried them on today for flexibility issues.”

“Are you sure it’s not going to blind everyone in the stadium?”

“Yeah, they’re taking out the ones on the skirt, so it’ll just be on the top. But they look fabulous. Don’t you think so, baby?” She’s addressing the boy she’d left seated at our dining table, and you turn to him, watching him go slightly pink in the face.

“Um – yeah, of course.”

You went to junior prom with Zhong Chenle last year, after your parents had met his parents, new to town at the time, at their one-week attempt to “participate actively in religious activities”, and while that night was certainly a night to remember, it wasn’t exactly one you’d tell your grandchildren about with a sweetly nostalgic tone in your voice. You’d plucked up the courage to talk to Lee Jeno that night, especially since that was the only time you thought you’d get to look actually good in school, and for some strange reason you’d deluded yourself into fantasizing that he’d fall madly in love with you, sweep you off your feet and ask you to elope with him on some obscure island in Micronesia.

Of course, you’ve matured since then, but seeing him with Lee Gyuwon wrapped around his lean body just as you’d approached him kind of made you snap that time. In your fury and embarrassment (more of the latter), you walked the entire way home barefoot, presently forgetting about poor Chenle, who’d panicked, thinking you’d been tricked into having undignified sexual encounters with someone behind a bush.

Seriously. He’d checked all the greenery.

Of course, you’d talked to him the following day, and it was a painfully embarrassing experience for both of you (especially when he got to the part when he thought you’d lost your virginity behind a plant in the school greenhouse), but, luckily, Sooyeon had just been leaving the house for cheerleading practice and spotted him.

Long story short, you get to have mega awkward encounters with him almost everyday now, and your younger sister always stands there in witness.

Though, truth be told, if Lee Jeno didn’t exist in the world, Zhong Chenle wouldn’t be a bad choice, or something. He’s smart, in the same AP Physics class as Renjun (apparently, everyone’s in AP Physics but you), and he’s all gentlemanly and stuff, considering his parents are like pastors or saints or something super religious. Sooyeon adores him, and, thanks to the bubbly attitude that comes with being a resident high kicker at every football game our school participated, seems to make him much happier than you could ever. Alternatively, he makes up for whatever C’s she gets on her Chemistry tests. For some people, it really does work out.

“Why’d you need the phone?” You ask, turning away from the still-blushing Chenle to look into the fridge. You take out a donut from the half-emptied box.

“We’re ordering pizza; Chenle’s staying over for dinner.”

“Oh, okay.”

She puts the phone up to her ear before turning back to you, her eyes sparkling.

“_________, have you talked to Jisoo lately?”

“No,” you reply, mouth half-full of donut. “He’s always shut up in his room these days. I expect he’ll come out with a nuclear reactor soon.”

Sooyeon shakes her head, still smiling. “You haven’t been listening closely, have you?”

“Of course not. If there are noises coming from there, I really don’t want to be a part of the audience.”

“Oh you – hang on. Yes, I’d like to order a large pepperoni pizza, please, and…” she cuts herself off, now addressing the phone.

You and Chenle wait patiently for her to finish ordering, trying to avoid staring too long at each other. You both do your best to engage in a bit of conversation here and there, things like “So how’s school?” and “Fine,” but it’s clear no interesting things are going to be bouncing off the walls of the kitchen today.

When Sooyeon chirps the last “thank you!” and hangs up, you turn back to her, and she slides down into the chair she’d previously occupied.

“Aren’t you going to sit down?”

“Well I – yeah, okay,” you concede, wondering briefly if you should wait near the door for Renjun, who’s always impatient, before settling yourself down into the seat beside her.

“So, anyway, Jisoo’s taken to locking himself up in his room recently, and I noticed he’s also been tying up the phone sometimes late at night, which never happens —“

“So, he’s really ordering parts for a nuclear reactor?”

“And he’s taken to reading the magazines I accidentally leave in the bathroom; I saw him sneaking off with one and taking it into his room—“

“So he’s gay?” All the magazines you’d ever seen your sister own involved weird tips on how to make your boobs look two sizes bigger (something you probably should have perused at one point) and how to make men orgasm more than once (something you don’t for some reason, feel very ready for). You’re not sure if you’re surprised at the thought that Jisoo could be gay. On the one hand, no one in the house would bat an eyelash, but on the other hand, he also seems more likely to build a robot boyfriend than go out and get one.

“No,” A peal of laughter escapes your younger sister’s lips. “I’ve noticed he’s not eating much either, and he’s been asking me all these really odd questions about girls…”

“Oh.” Something began to dawn in the back of your mind. “Oh. You mean, there’s a… thing. A tiny one. With… yeah?”

“A girl, yes. I think.” Sooyeon grinned. “Isn’t it cute? Jisoo finally has a crush on someone!”

“I don’t really know if the word is cute…”

At that precise moment, Jisoo, with his eleven-year-old lanky figure and large glasses, walks in, holding an empty glass. Wordlessly, he walks to the sink, and begins to rinse the glassware. After a minute of silence, he speaks, his back still turned to all of you.

“Why are you all staring at the back of my head?”

The three of you turn away, unsure of why you’re embarrassed but definitely feeling like you should be.

“Sorry,” you reply sheepishly – well, you and Chenle do, while Sooyeon leans back forward to address Jisoo. “Hey, Jisoo.”

“Huh?” He mutters distractedly.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, never better, why?”

“Nothing, you’ve just been acting a bit odd these days,” she remarks before adding, “Oh, but not in a bad way, just in… an odd way.”

You want to do something, like kick her under the table, but your legs are too short, and you’re frankly afraid of what Chenle will do to you if he sees you roughing up his precious girlfriend. You content yourself to fuming at her and trying to catch her attention with ugly faces. Neither of these methods work.

“No, I’m fine,” Jisoo replies slowly.

“You sure? You know you can tell us anything.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, you know – things about school, friends, your dreams, hopes… girls… That sort of thing.”

You see the unmistakable red begin to creep around the base of the back of his neck. It’s a nasty family thing — the bright scarlet that makes you all look like you’re about to implode when you’re embarrassed or angry. He clears his throat. “Yes, yes, thank you, Sooyeon —“

“I mean, especially about girls.”

“Yes, I got it the first time around.” With finality, Jisoo puts the glass back in the cupboard and, without so much as a glance towards you, hurries out of the kitchen and back upstairs. You hear the door open and, for a brief moment, the music inside your brothers’ room grows louder until it’s once again muffled by the door closing shut. Metal. Ugh, that dumb, senseless noise.

“What about Jiho?” You think of your youngest brother, who’s the source of half the noise pollution that comes from this house.

“What about him?”

“I mean, has he got – I don’t know. A girl… thing?”

“Oh. Jiho? No. I’m pretty sure he’d sell his soul to a devil warlock or something before he went near anything with lady parts. Although,” she adds as an afterthought. “I have noticed he seems rather shifty whenever I walk in and he’s on the computer…”

The kitchen falls into a very, very heavy state of awkward silence. In that time, your mind forces you to envision your thirteen-year-old brother, in his goth-emo-punk-metal-almost-satanic phase, sitting in front of a monitor, trying very hard to conceal the fact that he’d just been perusing a 30-minute 480-px video equivalent of the kama sutra.

The doorbell rings just as you make a horrified face, and you get up, relieved to be able to leave this highly elevated state of discomfort. “That’s probably Renjun, bye,” you announce weakly, standing up and inching away from the kitchen.

“Is Renjun staying for dinner?”

“I don’t know; I’ll ask.” You hurry to the door and open it to reveal a somewhat out of breath Huang Renjun. You eye him and his body-wide sheen of sweat suspiciously.

“What happened to you? You look like you’ve just come from a jog across the border.”

“Excuse me for being late, your highness. You’d have trouble catching your breath too if you lugged this bag along,” with that, he slings off the strap of his backpack and flings the thing unceremoniously onto the ground. Wincing, he massages his shoulder.

“What,” you demand, eying his bag. “Is in there?”

“Well, everything we could – and probably will – need,” he kicks it inside, and you move to let him in. As you shut the door, you find Renjun staring at you with an odd expression across his face. You snap your fingers in front of his eyes, and he shakes himself out of the trance.

“Oh, sorry,” he blinks owlishly. “You look terrible.”

“Says the guy who’s wheezing like an old bat.”

“No, you look all… pale and sick. What did Lee Jeno do, drain your life source?” He chuckles at his own remark; you, on the contrast, don’t find it particularly amusing. “Did you just come from staring out the window into Jaemin’s house again? I saw his car parked in front of the driveway.” You resist perking up at this new information, choosing to morph your face into a sour, haughty look that Renjun doesn’t really buy.

“Ha ha.”

“No, really, _________, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” you slump down onto the couch, trying to drag Renjun’s backpack of books across the floor. You’re too much of a weakling, so it’s not working out too well.

“You look bothered.”

“I am not bothered.”

“Did Lee Jeno steal your soul?”

“No -– I’m sorry, quantum physics?” you demand, pulling out a book after glimpsing the title from the mouth of the bag, the zipper having given way as you’d tried to fruitlessly yank at the bag.

“Be prepared for everything — you know what they say.”

“You really think I’m going to end up doing a project about… I don’t know, string theory?”

“That’d be a fun challenge,” he tries.

“Not even the smart people have proven it; do you expect me to?”

“You and your beloved Lee Jeno could.” He pauses, as if he’s just said the punch line of a joke, but you don’t laugh, and he decides not to either. “Alright, fine — no string theory, then.” Renjun takes the book from your grasp and tosses it onto the floor. “What do you want to do?”

“If I knew, you wouldn’t be here.”

He rolls his eyes but says nothing, choosing to pull out his books from his all-but-split bag. You lean back onto the couch and cross your arms.

“Sooyeon told me weird things today.”

“What? Has someone on the cheerleading team got crabs again?” He asks distractedly, leafing through a few pages.

“No, it’s about my brothers.”

“Oh, scary and scarier?” You grunt in confirmation, choosing not to comment on a terrible but slightly true set of nicknames. “What about them?”

“Jisoo might be building a nuclear reactor —”

“Really.”

“Or might be into a girl.”

“Omo.”

“And Jiho might be sacrificing his soul to the underworld—”

“Right.”

“Or he might be watching porn.”

“Well, your life certainly never lacks color, does it?” Renjun laughs. “Though some of those assumptions are a bit alarming.”

“Oh, no, it’s perfectly normal to want to put up your soul for sale,” you reply sarcastically.

“It’s all just phase stuff,” Renjun shrugs. “At least they’re not having sausage fights in their shared bedroom.” This is, perhaps, the most uncomfortable and agonizing pause you’ve experienced all day. Even Renjun has to shift in discomfort at his own words.

“Well, with that super nice suggestion, shall we move on then?” You prompt.

“Yes, please.”

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Two hours and twenty-five minutes later finds you on your laptop, scrolling through your news feed on Facebook, while Renjun, ever the responsible best friend/tutor, tries to pull you away from it.

“__________,” he snaps. “Focus. This is your project.”

“I am listening!”

“All right, what did I say last?”

“Something about the water thing with a funny name that starts with M.”

“The Mpemba Effect,” he says tartly. “and I said that like an hour ago.”

“But that was nice, why can’t we do that one? I love water? Oh, that’s funny,” you chuckle, clicking the like button on one of those stupid cat meme posts.

“______________.”

“Look, Renjun, it’s a cat praising Jesus in a kitchen, you can’t tell me that’s not funny— ” you try showing him the picture, but it doesn’t seem to lighten his mood.

“Oh, for goodness’ sake — give me that—”

“No wait, I wasn’t done reading Lee Gyuwon’s super annoying status update—”

“_________, focus on your physics thing— ” His voice begins to rise dangerously.

“I am focusing,” you retort. “I’ve just been taking a break—”

“For two hours,” he snaps. “Not counting your five minute bathroom break!”

“A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do; that’s nature—”

“Fine! I give up!” He throws his hands up into the air, stuffing at least three books in one go back into his backpack.

“Renjun!” you whine as he gets up and begins to put on his jacket. “Renjun, come on, don’t be like that! I’m sorry—”

“__________, you asked me to come here and help you, and you’ve left me to do all the work once again and I cannot believe I wasted another two hours of my life being under appreciated again— ”

“I do appreciate you!” you cry. “I appreciate you so much!”

“Clearly not as much as a religious cat in a fucking kitchen!”

“You know I’m a stupid kid! Anyways, if you had a like button on you, I’d click it a million times!”

He pauses in the act of buttoning and eyes you warily, as though waiting for you to continue groveling – which, of course, he is.

“Come on, you know I think you’re much cuter and funnier than a cat.”

“It isn’t about the cat.”

“Then what’s it about? Look, I’m sorry, okay, it’s just —- physics really isn’t my thing, you know that, I can’t even pay attention in class.” You frown.

“It’s… ___________, come on, it’s not even about that. It’s like I’m not even here; you don’t -– are you even listening to me?”

“Wait, shh,” you raise a palm up, distracted. Your eyes are fixed on the screen, slowly widening in shock. Two notification bumpers had appeared in the bottom-left hand corner of your monitor while you had been trying to defend yourself.

“_______, I was just talking to you. This is exactly what I mean —“

“Renjun, look, look,” you beg.

“Oh, what is it now? If it’s another stupid obese cat with a burger, I’m going to strangle myself.”

“No, look,” You point at your screen, your voice growing hushed. A groan escapes his lips, but, after a moment of hesitant sulking, his curiosity gets the better of him, and he leans down to see what you’d been staring at. Following your finger, the expression on his face changes from confusion to irritation to defeat. He breathes out an immensely heavy sigh of exasperation.

Lee Jeno has accepted your friend request. Write on Lee Jeno’ timeline.

Na Jaemin has sent you a friend request.

“Jeno added me as a friend,” you whisper, as if the notification doesn’t make the fact clear enough.

“Uh huh. So did Jaemin.”

“Lee Jeno,” your voice is rising uncontrollably now. “Wants to be my friend.”

“Why are you acting like this is such a big deal?”

“Jeno added me on Facebook,” you near-scream at Renjun, even though his face is like five inches away from yours and he has to lean back to avoid the one grain of spit that leaps off your bottom lip.

“Facebook isn’t even real friendship! If Jeno were your friend, he’d be here helping you with your group project instead of me. I am the real friend here.”

“You don’t understand. I’ve been trying to add him for months. He’s finally added me back.”

“And that makes you feel good?”

“I feel like I could do anything now,” you laugh, giddy. Renjun isn’t sharing in your enthusiasm, though; he looks pretty sour, and his fingers rise up to his chest to continue buttoning his jacket.

“Well, I’m happy for you,” he mutters, and you ignore the fact that he doesn’t sound happy at all. “Why don’t you just text me when you need me again, like you always do?”

“Huh?” You look up distractedly. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I’ve been helping you for hours, and you’re paying more attention to a stupid friend request than me. You keep ignoring me for Jeno.”

You glance between him and the screen, confused. “I’m not trying to ignore you. I’m just… excited. I’m just happy. I really like him. I feel like this could be my one shot. Is acting this way so wrong? You know I’ve wanted to be friends with him forever. Maybe something more.”

You and Renjun stare at each other for what feels like hours; his Adam’s apple is quivering, like he wants to say something else but is just swallowing it. His cheeks are flushed, and his bottom lip is jutted out, but you have no clue why he can’t just be happy for you.

“Renjun —”

“No, you’re right,” he cuts you off, and his voice is weird now; kind of forced and thick, like he’s been eating too many lemons. “I’m sorry. I know how much this means to you. I know how much you like him.”

“You’re mad. I’m sorry if I wasn’t paying attention earlier. Really. The cats aren’t as important as you. I just get so bored of schoolwork easily. It doesn’t have anything to do with me not appreciating you.”

“I’m not mad about the cats, ________, I’m —” He raises his hands, like he wants to punch the wall, but it’s not his house, and your mom could come down from all the yelling, so he just forces them down along with whatever he had been planning to say. “I’m not mad. I’m not mad, okay? But I really have to go now.”

“You’re not staying for dinner? Sooyeon ordered pizza. Pepperoni.”

“I do like pepperoni,” he mumbles, wavering. “But I… think my mom wants me home for dinner.”

“Oh. Okay,” you chew on your lip, unsure of what else to say; luckily, Renjun is bustling around, gathering his books and ripping out papers from the pad he’d been writing on while you’d been reading Lee Gyuwon’s status. He hands two sheets to you.

“Here. There’s a list on it that you can use. Research them first so you can see if you can do it. You can message me if stuff isn’t clear to you, but at least try using Google first.”

“I will,” you promise, standing up as he walks towards the door, letting the night breeze carry in as he opens it and checks his pockets for his valuables.”Um, Renjun?”

“Hm?”

“I’ll call you later, okay?”

He pauses for a second, letting out a sigh that escapes through the open door. You’re worried for a second that he’s going to make up a blatant excuse not to talk to you, but he nods slowly.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll text you when I get home.”

A feeling of relief spreads over you, and you wave him goodbye, telling him to be safe walking back.

When you run back to your laptop, you see that there’s a new message waiting for you. Virtually no one but Renjun and your aunt in Beijing messages you on Facebook, so you’re surprised to see it’s a new name. That surprise washes out quickly, however, because the excitement at the idea that it could be Jeno is quickly overridden by the actual reality that it’s from Jaemin.

Na Jaemin: i didn’t know we weren’t friends on here yet.

Na Jaemin: sorry again for what happened in the cafeteria. ㅠㅠ

You: it’s fine!

You: i’ll have your jacket back clean tmr

Na Jaemin: don’t worry about it!

Na Jaemin: i don’t need it any time soon

Na Jaemin: you can keep it if you need it ^^

You: I have my own jackets

You: it’s fien i’ll give it back

You: *fine

You missed a call from Jaemin.

Na Jaemin: sjdg

Na Jaemin: sry

Na Jaemin: Jeon is

Na Jaemin: Jeno is asking about the project ?

You: is he there with you?

You: please tell him i started working on it already ^^

Na Jaemin: he’s here

Na Jaemin: he

Na Jaemin: he’s adding you on fb he says

You: yes i saw!!

Na Jaemin: ajarf

Na Jaemin: sorry jneo is playing with my dog and the laptop

Na Jaemin: keeps getting hit

You: it’s fine!!!

Na Jaemin: he says okay abt teh project

Na Jaemin: he

Na Jaemin: he says nice profile picture

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hekate1308 · 6 months

Text

No, You Won't Understand, Ever

Prompt: No, you won't understand, ever

Fandom: Endeavour

Pairing: Morse/Jakes

He had no idea that today would be the day it all blows up in his face. As a matter of fact, he was rather sure that day would never come. He has a long history of supressing what needs to be suppressed, and the fact that he is very aware how pretty Morse is is first and foremost on this list, has been for months now.

But instead – well –

He could argue that it is all Morse’s fault, only that it very much is not, because Peter is aware he has been sniping at him much more than he usually does lately, simply because… because…

Things are not getting better with the Morse is pretty thing. Rather, they are getting worse, and every time he smiles or is nice toa witness or figures something out and does that scrunchy thing with his nose –

So really, Peter has done his best to ignore all of that, but he can’t. And so, he’s been rather mean and distant, and he’s aware of it. Problem is, Morse is aware of it, too, and today is the day that he finally decides to say something which – in the end, it just serves Peter right.

“What’s your problem, Sergeant?” he sneers when they happen to be alone in the squad room. It’s late, and almost everyone else has gone home.

“I don’t have any problems, Constable” he snaps back.

“That’s obviously not true, and I’d like to understand –“

“No” he interrupts him because there is nothing else to say, “No, you won’t understand, ever.”

He should know better than to say something like that – no, he does know better. But he is tired of it all, tired of hiding who he is, tired of wondering – wondering what? He wouldn’t even be able to say, but the point is –

He can practically see Morse’s brain working, putting the pieces together, and his eyes widening as he understands, and even as relief washes over him, he knows that he’s done it now. Not that he thinks Morse is going to rat him out. He could have told everyone about Blenheim Vale but didn’t. He won’t talk about this, either.

“Yes, well, I have to go.”

And he turns around and leaves.

Morse doesn’t call or try to run after him.

Peter isn’t even sure if he would want him to.

It’s his fifth or sixth consecutive cigarette. Why should he count anyway? It’s not like it matters.

He can’t believe he actually allowed morse to guess the truth. The only explanation he can come up with is that he is a self-destructing idiot, deep down, which… well, he’s known that for a while.

He wonders how he will manage at work tomorrow. Then again, this is Morse – there’s every reason to think he will just ignore the obvious and Peter himself, run around endangering himself while solving impossible cases and then go home to his empty flat…

Not that you have any right to judge, he tells himself, glancing around. He’s often wondered what it would be like to come home to someone – since he was a child, really, and went through Hell. It’s just never happened before and he hardly thinks that –

There’s a knock on his door. That’s a rare enough occasion that it gives him paise for a few moments, but… no; he’s paid the rent, and he knows he wasn’t making any undue noise, sop what could possibly –

Opening the door to Morse was the last thing he expected.

But there he is, large as life and twice as natural, and looking at him with the same wide-eyed expression he showed when he finally figured it out two hours ago.

Peter swallows.

“I –“ Morse clears his throat. “I just – I just wanted to say –“

He’s actual come to tell him off? That doesn’t sound like the Morse he knows.

“I – “ Morse shakes his head and suddenly stands up straight, looking right into his eyes. “I wanted to tell you that I do, in fact, understand.”

“Well that’s nice –“ Good for him. What does he want, a goldstar for having figured out what Peter was all but shouting in his face?

But then – “Now you don’t understand.”

“What the –“

“I mean I understand, Peter. I understand very well.”

Understand very –

And the penny drops.

As does his cigarette; next thing he knows, he’s busy stomping on it so the carpet won’t catch on fire.

He tells himself that he is probably hallucinating, and that no one’s standing at the door.

But when he looks back up, Morse is still there.

They look at one another.

And then, Peter makes a decision. After all, it was very brave of Morse to come here, so it is his turn now –

“Well, then, do you want to come in?”

Morse stares at him, then nods.

Peter steps aside and Morse comes in.

No more misunderstandings.

#fictober23 #my writings #endeavour #jarse #british detectives #endeavour morse #peter jakes

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the-kaedageist · 2 years

Note

consecution lol, for the WIP asks? I think about those snippets a lot 😅

I have 67k of this fic, so it took me awhile to figure out what snippet I wanted to share! This is another slightly long one, so the rest is under the cut.

For the uninitiated, Yann Surefire is Caleb reborn and he is not aware of that fact - his memories are disjointed. Essek is going under the pseudonym of Imbros Vrinn and wears a Ring of Alter Self to maintain his disguise. Fiona is Jester's granddaughter and a lot of trouble, as any Lavorre would be. This whole futurefic is blatantly self-indulgent and I will not apologize.

This fic is approximately 45% done, and I’m attempting to finish it completely before I start posting it - but I might change my mind and start posting some of the earlier chapters like I’m doing for 2 Tusk 2 Love. I guess we’ll see!

If you want to read more snips from this, they’re all under this tag.

“Yann!” Fiona exclaimed as their visitor appeared in the doorway. “Esse—IMBROS. You didn’t tell me he was here!”

Essek shrugged. At that point, he wondered if he should just start going by his actual name, if Fiona was going to shout fragments of it every time she was caught off guard.

“Vrinn invited me for dinner,” Surefire said, glancing down at the pot in front of him. “You’re making soup? Can I help?”

Fiona’s eyes were way too amused – and way too bright – as she glanced over at Essek. “You cook?” she asked Yann delightedly. “Of course you can help!” She pulled a knife out of a block and handed it to Surefire handle-first. “Can you chop those vegetables? Imbros is just going to watch anyway.”

That was just uncalled for. “I offered to help you cook earlier,” Essek grumbled.

Fiona beamed over at him. “Do you want to help Yann chop vegetables?” she asked, batting her eyelashes. Essek realized abruptly that this had all been a plot against him, and Fiona Lavorre knew him entirely too well. “You can show him how to do it properly.”

He ignored the obvious innuendo in her statement and fetched a second knife from the block. Surefire had already produced a cutting board from somewhere – had he been in this kitchen before? – and was getting to chopping up an onion. The kitchen was not the largest, and Essek found the only remaining counter space was right next to Surefire; he gritted his teeth and searched for another board to cut on.

“This is the only one,” Surefire said apologetically, sliding the unused end of his own board towards Essek. “We can share. If you like?”

There was still something subdued about his expression; Essek didn’t like it. Perhaps that was what possessed him to accept Surefire’s offer and begin to slice a tomato on the opposite end of the board, standing so close that their arms brushed as they worked.

Surefire had a nice scent, one that Essek tried desperately not to breathe in as they quietly chopped vegetables next to one another. Even Fiona was quiet, chopping herbs on the opposite side of the stove.

“We had visitors today,” Surefire said suddenly. His voice was soft, barely loud enough to be heard by the two of them. Essek glanced to the side, but Surefire wasn’t watching him, staring instead at his own careful chopping. “Elves from Wildemount.”

Essek’s knife slipped, nicking the side of his finger. He hissed and stuck his finger in his mouth, a terrible habit he’d picked up from Caleb after years of cooking together.

Surefire finally looked over at him, concerned. “Are you okay?”

“I cut myself,” Essek said crossly, casting about for a rag – he located one hanging from a hook near the sink and wrapped it carefully around his finger, pressing on it firmly to staunch the bleeding.

“Let me see that,” said Surefire, pulling Essek to him; they would have been standing nose to nose if Essek had been Surefire’s height. Not seeming to register their closeness, Surefire gently took Essek’s hand in his own, sliding the rag away and running his fingertips along the cut on the side of Essek’s finger. His touch was soft, and warm, and Essek felt a spike of heat run through him.

Surefire whispered a vocal component of some sort and green healing magic briefly enveloped Essek’s finger. When the light faded, his altered flesh was as good as new, unmarred by any cut.

“Better?” Surefire murmured, watching Essek with the hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. He continued to hold Essek’s hand in his own, absently running his fingers along the rings that decorated his fingers. “It can be useful, having a druid around.”

Essek’s brain was slightly addled from the combination of Surefire’s touch and his amused gaze. “Ah. Yes. Thank you?”

Behind them, Fiona poorly stifled a giggle. Surefire released Essek’s hand immediately, turning back to his chopping with a flush high on his cheeks.

Ask me about my wips! | Other responses

#my wips #wip game #critical role #shadowgast #consecution!au #yann surefire's reincarnation extravaganza #asks #also if you're wondering why I'm in the middle of two enormous wips that both feature not-caleb calebs #I wonder that too #they may be niche but I love them both so

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sparkywrites25 · 1 year

Text

Birthday Blues

Summary: [Modern AU] When an exhausted Levi accidentally forgets Petra's birthday, they're both wrapped up in the emotions of a challenging week.

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Petra Ral | Rivetra

Taglist: @lunar-rainclouds @captain-natey @1wholeheartedly-nii

“What do you think about beef, new potatoes and vegetables for dinner?” Petra asked as she examined the pack of beef thoughtfully, balancing the phone between her cheek and shoulder. “I thought I’d keep it simple. My client was a giant pain in the ass.”

“Go ahead and eat without me. I’m working a double.” Levi’s voice was full of fatigue. “Oluo called in sick a few hours ago.”

Petra lowered the beef packet and silently cursed that tongue-biting idiot. “That’s three times in a week. It’s not even consecutive days. He’s gotta be taking liberties.”

“Actually he did look like shit yesterday,” Levi admitted heavily after a considerable pause, “and he wasn’t looking so good the last time he was in either.” Petra heard him growl. “He should have just taken my suggestion that he stay off.”

“Yeah, you could have arranged some cover,” she agreed, shelving the beef back in the fridge for now.

A sigh rumbled quietly down the phone. Petra could imagine her husband was leaning against something, fingers pinching the space between his brows the way he always did when he was irritated. She wished she could be there to kiss his stress away or better yet drive him home.

“Did he give any indication this time? Of how long he’s gonna be?”

“I told him to take the rest of the week off. I’m not playing this back and forth game with him just because he damn well can’t fully decide if he’s too sick to work or not. I’ve got an agency waiter coming in tomorrow and Friday. Mike’s gonna be managing tomorrow so he can handle them.”

“Good. You need your time off too.”

Petra closed the fridge and leaned back against the nearest counter top, staring across their spacious kitchen, black counters and cupboards contrasting stylishly with ivory walls and the many photographs of her and Levi hanging around the room in their black frames: in front of the Eiffel Tower, standing by the Trevi fountain, under the Aurora Borealis in Iceland, lounging on a beach in Rio de Janeiro and sitting in a country pub in Ireland. She drummed her fingers on her thigh thoughtfully. Such happy, carefree times. Even Levi with his insomnia had managed to get a couple more hours of sleep each night whenever they took a holiday.

This week, he had managed less than three hours on the days he had covered for Oluo. It seemed that tonight was going to be more of the same.

“I’ll prepare you a plate anyway. You can heat it up when you get back.”

A long pause. “Okay.” There was no resistance in Levi’s voice nor any complaints about the taste of reheated food. That fact gnawed at Petra’s rising worry.

“You need to take it easier,” she pleaded, cradling her phone in her hands. “You’re wearing yourself out this week.”

“There was no one else who could have come in today,” came the exhausted reply.

“I know,” Petra sighed. “But it’s not your first double shift this week,”

“It’ll be fine, Petra. After this shift, Mike will handle it until the weekend.”

“Okay, good. Take care though. Call me if you’re too tired to drive though. We can come back for your car tomorrow.”

“I’ll be able to drive, don’t worry.”

“Even so.”

Another sigh. “I’ll get a cab if I have to.” He paused again. “We’ll get quiet in a few hours. I’ll get some rest then. I’ll see you later.”

“Okay,” Petra closed her eyes. “I’ll see you later.”

The call disconnected but her worry remained as she stared at the screen for a few minutes.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Levi arrived home around 10pm. The tea shop closed at 9pm and Petra had harbored an admittedly slim hope that Levi would have left the deep cleaning to Mike in the morning but off course he hadn’t. She could smell the supplies on him as he trudged into the house, locking up and greeting her with a brief kiss on the lips.

Still, she took some gratitude that he’d driven home safely and heated up his dinner for him. He barely ate half of it, gave a mumbled apology and went for a shower.

By the time she turned in for bed, he was already asleep under the covers which was a comfort. She wrapped her arms around his back and snuggled into him, smiling sleepily as his hands moved to cover hers and gave them a squeeze.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

The reprieve for Levi the following day never came.

Mike called Levi around 10am to explain that he’d fallen ill. Levi asked him to wait long enough for him to arrive and then he was gone again. The agency waiter generously agreed to pull a double shift but as a manager was needed to stay, Levi would still be pulling another double shift since that was what Mike had signed up for. Mike tended to do fewer days but longer hours.

The manager issue and both Mike and Oluo’s illnesses meant that Levi’s day off on Friday was effectively cancelled as well and so he was scheduled as normal for the weekend. Over the next few days, Levi’s time at home was limited to reheated dinners, showers and an early night. He would sit with Petra for time that grew shorter and shorter after each shift. The exhaustion weighed so heavily that he would struggle to hold up a conversation and Petra would insist that he just took himself to bed to rest.

“Next week will be better,” he would quietly assure her.

Petra was pretty occupied for the weekend too. Most of her photoshoots were booked for weekends and so she tended to have a couple of back to back bookings that usually took up most of the day. It was a contrast to the week where she mostly had either morning or afternoon bookings and then the rest of the day off.

So even for her the days began to blur with her and Levi snatching only a couple of moments together in the evenings.

Monday came and went, as did Tuesday and Wednesday. Both Mike and Oluo were still sick and Levi’s double shifts continued until Thursday dawned. By this point, the circles around Levi’s eyes were so dark, they looked like make up now. He spoke less and less in the evenings but he did seem to sleep a few more hours. It was little comfort to Petra since it just reminded her how close to the brink of exhaustion he was.

It was a short trip to ending up in the hospital if he carried on but Mike was the only other manager and she knew Levi would never go for hiring an agency manager. She even contemplated pulling out of some bookings to step in herself but Levi adamantly refused to go along with her doing that when she suggested it.

“You’re running yourself into the ground, Levi,” she chided him as she curled up against him in bed on Thursday. “Something’s got to give either way and I’d rather lose a couple of clients than you end up in the hospital.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Levi had insisted, kissing her forehead. “Mike and Oluo will be back tomorrow.” His nose scrunched up. “Oluo’s update are disappointingly graphic,” he grumbled.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Both Mike and Oluo returned to work on Friday leaving Levi finally free to take it easy at home.

To Petra’s relief, apart from his customary cleaning, he spent a lot of the day resting up in bed as everything caught up to him. A great deal of the worry that had formed vicious knots in her stomach melted away from her with the knowledge that his body was finally taking the rest it needed.

The week had blurred all days and dates into three categories: yesterday, today and tomorrow. Dates only registered in the context of whether or not she had clients that day or not. Numbers she barely paid attention to. So it was only after turning her phone on again, following the completion of her last booking of the day, that Petra saw the dozen notifications on her social media apps. All of whom were people wishing her a happy birthday. It’s the 6th already? She mused, looking at the messages.

There was an oddness to not celebrating the day, to forgetting about it, and to not even have Levi acknowledge it. Petra would be lying if she said that she didn’t feel a tad hurt about that, that she wasn’t disappointed that they hadn’t celebrated it but it wasn’t terribly hard to swallow down that selfish pride in light of this crazy week. Levi had had a week from hell; the fact that he hadn’t ended up in hospital was something that dwarfed him concerning himself with her birthday. When would he possibly have had time? She herself would have let the date slip by if it hadn’t been for social media.

There would always be next year, she mused, as she drove home. Right now, she wanted to make sure Levi had rested plenty and eaten properly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Hey,” Petra greeted at a cautiously medium volume in case Levi was sleeping. She shut the front door and placed her shoes on the rack before hanging up her coat.

“Hey,” Levi’s deep voice called out from the lounge. Petra padded out of the foyer and onto the plushy sapphire carpet. Her husband reclined back on the corner sofa, dressed in a royal blue sweater and blue slacks, a mug of tea in one hand and his other arm draped over the back of the sofa. His free hand turned over, reaching for hers. She happily slid her hand into his, noting that the circles around his eyes were much more faded now. “How was work?” Levi asked, bringing her hand to his lips. Behind him, Petra observed that the cleaning competition he was interested in was on pause on the television.

“It wasn’t bad. The weather was on our side so the photos will turn out well,” Petra remarked, stepping closer to him and crouching to kiss his lips.

“Good.”

“You look much better. Did you sleep a lot?”

“Heh, a few three or four hour bursts.”

Petra’s eyes lit up. “That’s fantastic.”

“Yeah, not bad for me, huh?” he gave a short chuckle.

Petra kissed him again. “Even your body needs to play catch up after the week you had.”

“Reckon it got off to a good start,” Levi mused. “I’m taking the rest of the week off and a couple of next week’s shifts too.”

Petra didn’t bother to hide her exhale and she leaned up to kiss the side of his head. “I think that’s a great idea,” she told him before rising up. “It’s your turn to have some time off. You’ve more than earned it.”

“Mike’s gonna cover my shifts on top of his usual days.” Levi remarked. “He’s got that trip he wants to save up for.”

“Mutually beneficial then. You can take it easy some more.”

“That and I can finally sort out the attic.”

Petra hung her head with a smile but said nothing. She supposed she shouldn’t expect Levi to be any more idle than he may have been today so far. She wouldn’t push her luck any further. Instead she began to walk across the living room towards the kitchen. “I’m gonna open some wine. Do you want a glass?”

“Sure.” Petra heard the sound of leather creaking and Levi’s footsteps following her into the kitchen. “What do you fancy for dinner?”

“I don’t mind,” she said, withdrawing the red wine bottle from the fridge. “You can choose if you’re making it,” she added with a soft smile over her shoulder.

“Course, I’m making it. You’ve been working all day.” Her husband remarked as he moved to the fridge and freezer. “Reckon we’ve got enough for vegetable stew and we still have some bread to go with it.”

“Sounds great.” Petra poured out two glasses before passing Levi the wine to return to the fridge. She then handed him his glass and sipped from her own. “Do you want to watch something tonight? Or are you all Netflix’d out?”

He rolled his eyes and leaned back against the fridge. “I’m not watching How I Met Your Mother again. Hange keeps sending me Barney memes.”

Petra giggled. “Pretty sure Neil Patrick Harris is their latest celebrity crush.”

“I’m sure Moblit is thrilled.” Levi frowned. “I’m sure any boyfriend would like to know their partner fancies someone else.”

“It’s a celebrity crush so it doesn’t really count. It’s not really a full blown crush.” Petra explained gesturing with one hand. ”Anyway Moblit can’t talk. His is Keira Knightley.”

Levi peered at her with narrowed eyes. “How do you even know that?”

“Celebrity crushes are fun to talk about on nights out.” Petra shrugged.

Levi’s nose wrinkled. “And… people are okay about them?”

“Yeah. They’re more like admiration mixed in with finding them attractive.”

“That still sounds like a crush to me.”

“I guess so. It’s hard to explain.”

“Who’s yours?” Levi lowered his eyes to his wine.

Petra watched his lips purse together like they did when he was putting on his mask. She felt her heart throb and she sidled over towards him, reaching her free hand towards his. “No one.”

He glanced sideways at her and there was a sad curiosity in his gaze. “Would you tell me if you did?”

“Yeah!” Petra promised emphatically, kissing his cheek. “Like I said, it’s not really tied in to emotional admiration or anything. At least not in my opinion anyway. But I don’t have one.” She leaned her head against his shoulder. “What about watching Locke and Key?” she suggested, figuring that nudging him away from the subject would be better. “We still need to start Season 3.”

His fingers squeezed hers and a small smile played on his lips. “Yeah, we do.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Following dinner (and a shower for Petra), they spend the evening binging half of Locke and Key’s third season. Cuddled up on the couch with a bottle of wine and a blanket draped over each other, the curtains drawn over the window, it was the picture of coziness. There was a comforting escapism in watching the magical and supernatural yet a comfort in the familiar themes of family, adjustment and life moving on, Petra thought, as she nursed her latest glass of wine.

The text for Levi came at the end of episode four and his body tensed up. “Shit,” he murmured.

Petra’s gaze snapped to his phone. “Tell me you don’t have to go in?” she asked, anxiety spiking up after the staff troubles of the past week. If this was fucking Oluo again then he wouldn’t need to question whether he was ill or not next time because she’d smack him hard enough that he’d be too dizzy to show his wrinkled face. She sucked in a deep breath.

“No.” Levi fixed his eyes on her. “It’s your birthday.”

It was Petra’s turn to go still. “Ah… yeah.”

Levi’s head dropped, his teeth gritted. “I’m a shitty husband.” He dropped his phone, hands clenching in the blanket. “I completely forgot.”

“You’re not a shitty husband,” Petra placed her glass down on the coffee table, wrapping her arms around Levi’s middle. “You’ve been overworked and exhausted. I doubt you knew what date it was each day. I certainly didn’t. I forgot about it myself until I saw my socials.”

Levi’s brow scrunched up even more. “That’s no excuse. I’ve never forgotten your birthday before.” His arm around her shoulders squeezed her. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I’m sorry.”

Petra touched her lips to his cheek. “Don’t be. Sweetheart, you’ve never been this strung out before. You haven’t had time to worry about anything like that. You’ve barely ate and slept, never mind anything else. I’m glad you didn’t worry about it on top of all that.”

His eyes found hers and her heart broke a little upon seeing the pain in them. “You deserve to celebrate it, for us to celebrate you. This week has been tough on you.”

“Levi,” Petra took a deep breath, brushing her nose against his. “I’m fine. I promise.” She rubbed one hand over his chest. “I’ve spent a lot of this week worrying that you were going to end up in hospital with exhaustion. But now you’re resting and taking time off. That’s all I care about right now. Knowing that you’re okay. Compared to how things could have been, I’m grateful.”

Guilt was still painted all over her husband’s face. “But that’s all the more reason why we should be celebrating today,” he told her, cupping her cheek and leaning in to kiss her. “I’ll make it up to you,” he vowed. “We’ll have a proper celebration this weekend.”

Petra shook her head. “No, it’s okay,” she insisted. “I’d rather we just have a chilled time at home together. I don’t need to celebrate this year.” As she said the words, a part of her protested - told her not to be so hasty and to let him treat her - but she smothered it. The last thing he needed was to be worrying about this now. Even if there was still some lingering sadness, it was trumped by Levi’s wellbeing.

“At all?” The crack in Levi’s voice surprised her.

“Yeah.” Petra assured him. “Just having you here like this is all I need.”

He pulled her into him and kissed her head. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Petra lied. “To be honest, I just want to forget this week,” she admitted.

“If that’s what you want,” Levi murmured, kissing her temple. “Can I still say happy birthday anyway?”

Petra managed a warm smile. “Sure.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Levi wasn’t convinced that Petra was being entirely truthful about her feelings. Despite her protestations,there was a quiet sadness to her over the rest of the evening. She was fairly quick to slip into bed and prepare for sleep. Over the weekend, they spent most of it at home and she thanked well-wishers and remarked that they had enjoyed a quiet time at home. The idea of not giving her a gift didn’t sit well with him. He asked her numerous times if she needed anything but she eventually told him that she didn’t need him to get her a gift. So he tried other gestures like cooking most of the meals over the weekend and letting her choose what shows they watched.

But by Sunday night, she still wasn’t altogether herself and so he resorted to desperate tactics by talking the situation over with Hange over messenger.

Hange: Sounds to me like she just wants to make sure you’re doing okay rather than ask you to celebrate. Levi: But I already told her that I wanted to celebrate it with her. Hange: Yeah but you were barely recovering then. Levi: So you think she might want to now? Hange: I think maybe a gesture might go down better. Levi: What kind of gesture? I’m not doing anything crazy, Shitty Glasses. Hange: I’m not talking anything crazy. Hange: We should take her on a night out. Hange: You, Petra, me, Moblit, Erwin and Mike. Could invite the others too. Levi: I think if she sees Oluo, she might actually throttle him Levi: I’m not sure she’s going to be up for a fuss. Hange: It’s not a fuss or a party. Just a good time with some friends. There’s a new club that just opened. If we go on Tuesday it’ll probably be quieter. Levi: Mmmm maybe. Hange: Plus it needn’t be a late one. Most of us will be working the next day. Nothing crazy. Levi: Do you even understand the concept of that? Hange: There’s no need to be rude, Levi. Hange: Anyway, what do you think? Levi: I doubt she’ll go for it. Hange: Suggest a date night and then that way she’ll dress up and be ready for clubbing. I’m sure when she sees us all together she’ll relax. Levi: This has the hallmarks of a potentially bad idea. Hange: Or a brilliant one. Levi: I wouldn’t go that far. Hange: That’s because you’re mean. Levi: Eh. Hange: So will you do it? Levi: Fine. I’ll give it a try. Hange: Great!

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Petra was pretty sure that Levi hadn’t given up on treating her belatedly for her birthday but after a particularly difficult afternoon with a client, a dinner date with her husband sounded pretty nice. So after a quick shower and changing into a black and white polka dotted dress that that ended at her knees, along with some light make up, she joined her husband in the cab headed into town.

Leaning into his arm in the backseat, Petra ran her hand down the sleeve of his black jacket, nuzzling her face into his neck.

“You make it very hard for me to want to go out in public with you when you wear that,” she murmured, sliding her fingers over his all-black suit. “Such a tease for your poor wife,” she added with a kiss to his neck. She was rewarded by the heat that rose under her lips.

“My sweet wife is one to fucking talk,” Levi whispered back, nudging her nose so she would look upwards and meet his lips. His lips pressed insistently for a second before he gazed down at her dress, his hand sliding across her knee, sending shivers over her skin “Maybe we’ll have to have dessert at home.”

Petra smiled against his lips. “Maybe we will.”

Flashing lights outside the window caught her eye and she watched as various neon signs flew past the window. She began to frown. This was the nightlife district of Stohess. The only restaurants here were fast-food places that wouldn’t make it anywhere near the radar for romantic places that her husband would take her to. Her frown deepened as the cab began to slow down in front of one particular neon-lit entrance - that of a purple light shaped like a woman’s head next to the name Sina.

Petra was about to turn her head to ask Levi why they were stopping here when she recognized the group of people standing in wait outside. An enthusiastic Hange waved, donning a bright purple suit. Next to them, Erwin, Moblit and Mike all wore varying combinations of darker shirts and slacks or, in Moblit’s case, skinny jeans.

As soon as the cab stopped, Hange practically leapt at the door and flung it open while Levi leaned forward to pay the driver. “Belated happy birthday, Petra!”

Petra offered a bright smile as her heart sank. Oh. She climbed out of the cab and into Hange’s outstretched arms. They’re your friends. They mean well.

“Happy belated birthday,” Erwin stepped forward, leaning in to kiss Petra on the cheek, hands resting on her shoulders only briefly before he moved away.

She exchanged similar pleasantries with Moblit and Mike. By which time Levi had joined her, slipping an arm around her waist.

“Very sneaky,” she murmured with a smile that couldn’t quite meet her eyes. His eyes held hers for a moment longer before she looked away from him.

“I thought a night out here might be fun for us,” Hange enthused. “Shouldn’t be too heaving and it’s been way too long since we did anything like this anyway. Plus we can celebrate Petra’s birthday in style!”

“This place is already getting an excellent reputation,” Erwin remarked with an approving nod.

“Okay then. Let’s find out if it lives up to it.” Hange beamed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maybe there’s just something wrong with you, Petra wondered to herself, an hour later, as she sat in the middle of the rounded booth, surrounded by Levi and Erwin.

Sina was a particularly beautiful nightclub. The top floor consisted of circular booths, side-by-side, running all around the floor. Pale violet cushions contrasted the dark purple walls and, above them, a dozen or so purple and white disco balls shone over the room. The booths and the walkways in front of them covered only the edges of the space, allowing everyone a fantastic view of the bar and dance floor below. There were some tables and chairs in various purple shades near the bar area on the floor below. Hange’s prediction that it wasn’t busy turned out to be pretty accurate. Only a third of the booths were occupied and only a dozen or so people occupied the dance floor below. The bar area was pretty clear most of the time except for a few people hanging around there.

Overall, Petra liked the aesthetic. It was just harder to enjoy when her jaw hurt from fake smiling so much.

She was trying, really she was. After answering some questions about her photography career and talking about some of her clients, she was happy enough to sit back and listen to Hange regale them all with stories of her recent experiments (with Moblit interjecting to declare how reckless Hange had actually been on each occasion) and Erwin field questions from Hange about his relationship with Marie. Neither Levi nor Mike escaped being pounced on by Hange’s inquisitive nature either. Levi’s grip on Petra’s hand tightened throughout the focus on him.

All Petra could dwell on was how much she wished she could just go home. She felt wretched for feeling like this. Her friends had reached out to celebrate and she couldn’t even enjoy herself. The least she could do was make an effort. So here she was on her second cocktail of the evening. Correction, she’d nearly finished her cocktail.

“Hey hey!” Hange cheered as they returned to the booth with another round of drinks. They eyed Petra’s nearly empty glass and slid over another blue cocktail towards her. “Get on that birthday girl”

“Thanks,” Petra finished her second glass quickly and began sipping immediately on her third.

Levi’s hand moved to her back and began to rub it. She gave him a smile and his lips quirked upwards in a brief flicker. Yet concern shone in his eyes, as though he could read beyond her feigned smile so she looked away and continued drinking as Hange began to ask Mike about his upcoming trip. Maybe once she’d had a few drinks she could finally enjoy herself. After all, this was for her, wasn’t it?

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

“We should dance!” Hange was already on their feet, dancing and swaying in front of the booth. “Let’s go downstairs! Who’s with me?”

They were met with many a resounding and enthusiastic no from almost everyone else except for Petra who, despite it being three more cocktails later, pointed out that she would need some shots before she would get her dance on. The next thing she knew, she and Hange were trotting down one of the spiral staircases leading down to the upper floor and over towards the bar.

“Wait-” Levi began to rise from his seat with a frown only for Erwin to take his arm.

“She’ll be fine with Hange.” Erwin assured him.

“Shots on top of the five cocktails she’s had already?” Levi retorted. “You really think that’s a good idea.”

“She’s not working tomorrow is she?”

Levi’s frown deepened. “No.”

“This is her birthday celebration, after all,” Moblit smiled. “She should have a blow out.”

“If she was actually having fun, that’d be a different story,” Levi answered, leaning forward in his seat to follow Petra and Hange’s movements with his steely gaze. “But something’s off with her.”

Mike leaned back, folding his arms and giving a sniff. “I can’t say I disagree. She’s usually more chatty.”

“See?”

“But,” Mike added, “you guys had a stressful week. Could be it’s just taking a while for her to relax.”

“Indeed,” Erwin agreed, raising his drink to his mouth. “Maybe shots with Hange will be the key that helps her let loose.”

Levi frowned, not taking his eyes off his wife. They might believe that but they couldn’t convince him. His gut instinct told him something was wrong about the way Petra was throwing her drinks back tonight. He thought back to the cab ride and her reaction to the club scene. Was she disappointed? Did he get this wrong too?

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hange bought them a round of six shots and they laid them out in a string across one of the empty tables nearby. “Let’s race,” they suggested, their eyes gleaming as they examined the mult-coloured shots. “Ready? One, two- hey!”

Petra swallowed back her crimson shot with a forced grin and plucked her second one. “You snooze you lose, Hange.”

Her friend’s jaw dropped with delight. “Someone’s on a mission tonight!” They tossed back two shots consecutively but Petra had already taken the rest of hers.

The rush of alcohol filled Petra with energy and she felt her inhibitions begin to slip away. “Let’s get more,” she declared, making a beeline for the bar again. She heard Hange whooping behind her.

“Okay and then dancing.”

“Yes, then dancing,” Petra promised before ordering twelve shots from the bartender and opting for the fruity flavours options.

“Twelve?!” Hange’s delight faded into a combination of surprise and concern. “You’re not going to be able to stand up straight, never mind dance.”

“Not true,” Petra argued, paying by card once the shots were laid out on a tray. Carefully lifting one of the shots, she grinned at Hange. “We’ll be dancing soon anyway. No time for drinking then.” She nodded her head towards the shots.

The concern didn’t leave Hange’s eyes but they smiled back and lifted a lime green shot. “That’s true.”

But Petra was already throwing her shot back.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Levi grew steadily more agitated as he watched Petra take down more than her share of the large tray of shots that she’d ordered. She and Hange raced onto the dance floor and began to move to the music. For a time, it seemed like the shots might be relaxing Petra after all; she spun and shook herself with a carefree, happy energy that was only marred by her increasing stumbling movements.

Hange’s inability to disguise the growing worry over her face only worsened the tightness building within Levi’s stomach.

Half an hour of them being down there passed quickly and the hour mark approached equally fast. Petra’s dancing was becoming increasingly clumsy and each time she left Hange’s side to visit the ladies, she returned holding a glass of coke, most likely mixed in with a spirit.

Finally, Petra stumbled and crashed to the floor after attempting a spin. Hange knelt down beside her, checking on her. Meanwhile, Levi was out of his seat in a second and none of the others tried to stop him as he raced down the stairs and crossed the dance floor towards his fallen wife.

“’M okay,” Petra mumbled as Levi hoisted her up, one arm around her middle. She looked down at the smashed glass and spilled drink. “My coke… I want another.”

“You’ve had more than enough,” Levi told her, maneuvering her through the crowd. “We’re going home.”

“But I-”

“You can barely stand,” Levi pointed out as her legs buckled, mid-walk. “Time to get you to bed.”

Petra gasped loudly. “Not in front of Hange!”

Levi rolled his eyes.

Hange chuckled and began walking ahead quickly. “I’ll call you both a cab.”

“Thanks, Shitty Glasses.” Levi told them.

Petra pouted up at him. “You’re so rude to Hange you know? So, so rude.”

“I’m always rude to them.”

“Yeah… yeah well you should stop,” Petra slurred.

The pair fell behind way behind in keeping up with Hange thanks to Petra continuously swaying about and bumping into tables even with his guidance. Levi had to redirect her from the bar on more than one instance. Soon they were finally stepping outside. A brisk chill greeted them and Petra wrapped her arms around herself.

“Jeez, we’re at the North Pole…” she complained, shivering.

Levi realized too late that she’d left her coat upstairs. “That’s an impressive exaggeration,” He pulled out his phone and began to message Erwin to bring the jacket.

He needn’t have bothered. The rest of the gang appeared out of the doorway a minute later with Erwin holding out Petra’s coat to her. She grabbed at it gratefully and Levi had to seize her by the waist to stop her from falling over then helped her to slip it on. “It’s a good time to call it a night,” Erwin announced, glancing at his watch.

“Yeah, got an early start tomorrow,” Mike agreed, patting Levi’s shoulder.

“Me too,” Moblit slid his arms into his jacket.

Hange heaved a dramatic sigh though their brow was creased by weariness. “Unfortunately so have I. But let’s meet up again, and soon!” they declared. “Oh, Levi,” they jerked their thumb at the road. “Your cab will be here in five.”

Levi nodded. “Good.”

Petra pulled her coat closer to her, leaning into Levi’s arms more and more. She groaned softly. The bright lights of the street and the rumbling of traffic grew more muffled the more she pressed into her husband’s chest.

“Gonna be sick?” Levi asked but she shook her head.

“No…”

“It’d be a miracle if she isn’t at this point,” Hange speculated, folding their arms.

Petra groaned again. “I’ll be fine…”

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

By a miracle, the cab escaped the fate of being thrown up in. The bathroom toilet, however, was not so lucky upon their arrival. After spending five minutes emptying her stomach, Petra managed to stand up and wash up. Levi guided her into the lounge, leaving her on the sofa with a glass of water while he cleaned up in the bathroom.

When he returned to her, the glass of water was half-drunk and sitting on table, while she was curled up into herself, tears streaming down her face

“Petra?” He dropped onto the couch next to her, taking her into his arms, careful not to jostle her too much. “Talk to me.” He murmured against her temple. “You haven’t been right all night.”

“Did-did I ruin tonight?” Petra sobbed quietly. “You arranged this- this lovely night out and-and-and I got trashed.”

Levi’s arm around her waist squeezed her closer, his hand rubbing her hip. “You didn’t ruin anything,” he assured her. “But you didn’t seem to be having a good time… not until you drank half the bar anyway.”

She sniffled. “I… I wasn’t. But I didn’t want to spoil the mood.”

Her husband sighed, kissing her hair. “Why didn’t you just say something?”

“I couldn’t be that ungrateful!” Petra lifted her eyes to his, tears frozen in place. “You all wanted to celebrate my birthday and I should have been happy enough with that. I shouldn’t have…. imploded the way I did.”

“You’re allowed to not want to do something. Everyone would have understood.”

“I don’t.”

“You don’t what?”

“I don’t understand!” Petra sobbed again. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why I’m so upset about this? Why I’m being so selfish about a stupid day!”

“Because it was your day. A day you should have been cherished and your shitty husband forgot about it. It’s okay to be upset with me. I’d understand.”

“No!” Petra insisted, bumping her nose against his. “That’s just it. I’m really not upset with you. How could I be? I’m upset with myself for caring so much about something so… small. I had it right the first time. You not ending up in hospital, us having that weekend where we just did nothing… Those things meant the most to me. You being okay is everything to me, Levi.” Once more she broke down, tucking her head under his chin and crying into him.

He said nothing for a while, allowing her to cry her feelings out against him, offering the silent, sturdy support she could use to gather control of herself and abandon these horrible, sad things that were bringing her down. How could she ever call the date of her birth small? When it had brought her into his life, into his arms? How could she dismiss how important it was that they did celebrate it? Just as she would insist if the situation was reversed. This was the woman who insisted on treating his birthday and Christmas as separate celebrations on the same day. The woman who had caught his heart so easily yet seemed amazed that he loved her. He wished he could just say all this to her but words weren’t something he could make beauty out of. That was Petra or Erwin more than it was him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Petra kept mumbling.

“Don’t be sorry,” Levi told her, as he stroked her hair. “I need you to be okay too, you know? It’s not a one way street. You will be, though. I’ll make sure of it.” He promised her with a kiss to her forehead. “We will do something, something that’s just us, the way tonight should have been.” he added, “because I’m sure as hell not going to put aside celebrating you.”

Petra’s cheeks were slightly rosy as she sat up a little in Levi’s arms again, wiping at her reddened eyes. “I don’t need anything special. I have you.”

“You may not need it,” Levi huffed although his lips quirked moderately, “but you’re damn well getting it. I can’t promise it’ll be what you deserve though.”

Petra began to smile through watery eyes. “I don’t know. I’d say I have something pretty special here already,” she told him, hand sliding up his cheek. “Anything else is a nice bonus,” she admitted, leaning her forehead against his neck.

Maybe tonight had been good for them after all.

#my fics #fic: birthday blues #attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin fanfiction #one shot #levi ackerman #levi ackerman fanfiction #petra ral #petra ral fanfiction #levi ackerman x petra ral #levi ackerman x petra ral fanfiction #rivetra #rivetra fanfiction

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paulsnichols · 2 years

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29th Birthday

Today is Saturday September 10, 2022, which means that I have successfully turned 29 years old. It’s my third consecutive birthday during a global pandemic, which I’m pretty sure is a new record. My veins are flowing with the upgraded booster shot which has been made to combat the new virus sub-variants. That’s such a sci-fi sounding sentence. But I guess we’re living in sci-fi like conditions. Anyways...

So yeah I turned 29 today, which, at the moment, is the oldest age I’ve been thus far. It’s the last year of my twenties, which I guess is significant especially since I just saw something that said that the United States is about to slip out of the top 50 countries in terms of life expectancy. People loved to say that your 30s are the new 20s, but maybe that won’t be the case for those of us lucky enough to be Americans (-_-). Regardless of that worrying headline I saw, I have always thought of my 30s as being the time when “you get your shit together for real”. That will probably be true in some regard due to the fact that I’ll just be older in general and hopefully smarter and more experienced, but also who’s to say I don’t technically have my shit together right now? I currently have a job with a salary and a 401k, a pretty good apartment and can comfortably pay all my bills with my own money. There’s always a part of me that of course can feel like I can always be doing better, but I think that’s just conditioning from living in America where you’re always taught to be as successful as possible and anything less than that is a failure. I’m trying to keep things in perspective. There’s also that thing about your 20s being that time to go crazy and make mistakes, but I’ve never been a fan of going crazy and I unfortunately know for a fact that I will never stop making mistakes, so I just hope that my 30s means acquiring more knowledge and life experience to improve what I’ve already become up until this point.

Had a pretty good day. Did my exercises in the morning and read a chapter of the book I’m currently reading (Dilla Time, which is great) and the watched the documentary All the Streets Are Silent: The Convergence of Hip-Hop and Skateboarding (1987-1997), which was just right up my alley. After that I went to the OKC Museum of Art for a showing of Apocalypse Now, which is definitely one of the most intense films I’ve ever seen. I invited my friend Cooper along for that and it was nice to hang out with him. We just hung out at my apartment afterwards and talked about stuff for hours, which is what we always do and I always enjoy it.

I first started doing these entries when I turned 20 years old and I don’t know if I will continue with them. It is a big one next year. Eh, I don’t know. Probably. Maybe. We’ll see.

28th Birthday

27th Birthday

26th Birthday

25th Birthday

24th Birthday

23rd Birthday

22nd Birthday

21st Birthday

20th Birthday

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mariasabanahabanabana · 6 months

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FUN FACT OF THE DAY ABT T.S: did you, Raza, guys, my people, know that Taylor Swift is an actual superhero? Cause she saved me

Or well, at least for me is...

For some time now I've been a fan of Taylor Swift or as I usually name her "la wera" (the Blondy) and over the years, because yes, I have been in the fandom for more than a year, I have heard on several occasions the phrase "actually, T.S has a song that explains it", but, (at least me) not so much the phrase "in fact Taylor Swift saved me", so... On this beautiful rainy winter dawn i come to tell you how "Reputation" saved my life...

And yeah, I'm sharing this now cause of the upcoming recording of Reputation and before someone comes to tell me "but how do you know?" Mijin (nickname that we also use in Mexico to refer to Taylor or Swifitie), It's a matter of dates, start doing the math... And probably when the album comes out I'll go into some kind of regression and feel a little unwell...

And well you prob will say: "Why should I care?" (I'm kinda defensive today, r?) And yeash, but this is my blog and if I want to publish a photo of a sausage or my story of surviving my blue period, I'm gonna do it, period. (Sorry for the rudeness, I swear I'm not like that most of the time. [guess so])

Anyway, as Bad Bunny would say, storytime my people.... Or something like that, I'm not a big fan of him....

Well you see, at the same time that Tay was being attacked by the media, fans and basically the "whole world", su servidora (me) wasn't having the best time either, I was in "secundaria", which in USA and Canada is highschool (or to be more specific, 7th-8th grade), so if hormones weren't enough of a problem, add massive hatred, Unrequited crush, two sexual assaults, bulliyng, a fight, a nearly broken ankle, cyber bullying and, as icing on the cake, multiple visits to mental hospitals for various mental and eating disorders 😀👍

Since it was a super dense year (in the bad sense of the word) I'll just give a quick context, but I think the above already makes the point.

Haters gonna hate¿?: private school + people from "high" economic strata + hegemonic white people + (I know this is going to sound like an exaggeration, but I swear it's true) ONLY NON-HEGEMONIC BRUNOWN GIRL= years of bullying - racist attacks - consecutive xenophobes.

And Yep, I'm now aware that I'd have defended myself by hitting, insulting or Go with a professor, but first and foremost, as I said, I was the only girl of colour in my class and one of the few in the school. (was mixed / coeducational, but before that it was male, so it was the most predominant gender), Therefore, hitting or verbally attacking others WAS NOT, NOR IS NOR WILL IT continue to be an option, Secondly, teachers in Mexico suck, not all of them, but most of them, and the ones I had to deal with were, and I went to a Private school, third and last, I was never taught to defend myself, because they (mom, granma, church and the Bible) said that attacking your neighbour (or whoever) was a sin and at that time religion had "some importance in my life", in fact I still find it difficult to defend myself....

Unrequited crush: In short, my crush fell in love with my friend, who knew about my feelings towards him, so with the massive hatred that I already carried, I was considered the "slut" from school, at the age of 14 💀💀💀

Sex assault: The first one was a bet that a WHITE girl made with her friend, it happened in the middle of English class and again I didn't do anything and apparently "nobody noticed" and if they did I don't think they wanted to get involved in a problem with the school - class slut

And the second was when I went to get my physics homework checked, Let's just say that wearing pants doesn't exempt you from being handled like fruit in a market. (It's my trauma, it's my story and I will make whatever jokes I want and Decide)

Bullying: I wasn't pretty, my Reputation was on the floor, they bothered me about my crush, I had some kind of accent, Not much to say about it.

Fight: To date this has been the PENDEJA (DUMB) reason to start a fight... A (ex) friend invited me to the Justin Bieber concert (you can see how old I am and this story is), but within an hour she canceled me for going with another friend (a friend who also bullied me [cancellation that I later found out was due to my bad image and the rumors that circulated about me]), then I don't know how or why but a friend that they both had in common detested me, so with the thing of the concert and my annoyance that my (ex) friend was going out with one of the many girls who bullied me, a group of girls told me that they would "make up" with me on the way out, and that was that.... They took me to the football field (the school was - it's enormous) that was at the other end of the exits and they gave me the beating of my life...

At this point you may be wondering, "but what abt your mom? what's wrong? Didn't she notice the bruises or what?" Look, An advantage - disadvantage of my skin colour is that bruises are hardly visible, so the bumps weren't visible, besides, my mother works, my grandma was her and her only function with me was to pick me up from school, feed me, "take care of me" and see that I did my homework... And my uncle - dad, well.... 🍺🍺🍺

Almost broken ankle: have you ever watched in those typical American series (e.g. Chicken Little) where everyone play dodgeball and end up throwing all the balls at one person, well, I'm the one. So in a game one of the "mean girls" (I'll call it that to shorten the term) threw a ball at my ankle when I was running and well, in those days I used to be prone to tripping.

(oigan nmmn que pinche experiencia tan qlra, ya hasta ando llorando por recordar esto, JAJAJAJAJAJA)

Cyber bullying: bullying, just like the blue sea and sky, is infinite... What I am trying to say is, that high school - puberty should not exist, as well as the access (permission) to social networks, at least during those years...

Hospital visits: okay and now what was arguably one of the hardest knocks I've ever had to go through.... Look guys, my grandma isn't the typical sweet and loving grandmother, I'd say (in my experience) that she's a mix of Ida (Malcolm in the Middle's grandmother) and Grandma from Encantó... However, OF ALL THE ADULTS, SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO REALIZED THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME, cause there came a point where I only slept, I didn't even take off my uniform or do my homework and if I did, I slept the rest of the time until night, the time when my most catholic side came out, because night after night I asked, not PRAY, IMPLORE God (if there's one or exists) to take me, because I couldn't go on, I didn't want to go on, I only wanted to fall asleep and never wake up... What a merciful being he is...

One night I couldn't sleep, apart from the anxiety I had I was also dealing with tooth decay, so, being the brightest person in the county, I took almost a whole box of ibuprofen 500mg and naaaaambre, Until that point I had not felt my heart beat so fast... Not even when I was in love, I went to the nursery, they checked me and well... There, everything was revealed, my cuts, my record of constant visits (as I was just looking for an excuse to leave early) and that I was clearly suffering from an overdose. After that morning I can't remember much of what happened in the next few hours - days....

The case, I ended up hospitalized for a month, When I returned to school I was known as "Hanna Baker", that's right, the one from the series, at this point I only hung out ( eat in the Playtime ) with 3 friends... As for my "multiple hospital visits", I asked my mum to do what she could to let me out to finish the year, as there was NO FU C K I N G WAY I was gonna repeat that grade.... So they (doctor's) "agreed", signing a responsive letter and that, plus two weeks before graduation I went back, returned to school and was again interned....

Now, que porongas (what the heck) does Taylor Swift have to do with all this?? Well you see, I had heard her music before, but I wasn't the graaan fan, but between my interventions and constant outings I heard her music, specifically Rep, cause it was the year she came back and I didn't really know who she was or what she was going through, but hearing the album made me feel connected to her, her lyrics, situation and feelings (once I translated them of course). Later I looked into what was going on with their massive cancellation and well, in that moment of loneliness I felt what I needed, to know that someone understood what I was "going through".

So, if it weren't for Rep, especially my holy, Give me strength in my worst moments, Trinity, "LWYMMD, I did something bad and Don't Blame me", I probably wouldn't be here, telling this or maybe I'd, but I'll still be stuck in that hole of depression.

So in a few possible days - months not only will Reputation be released, but it will also celebrate another year of life... yeah, my "me" from before, of course Was dying slowly and cruelly (literally) in that year, 2017, but one way or another she (I) managed to come back to life.

I might be 20, In legal terms, but, I died and came back to life and currently have been 6 years without being thaaaat bad, absolutely I still take my meds, go (try) to therapy, and have been hospitalized, but (for only god knows What occasion number) no blue period compares and I hope it never compares to what I go through....

And for that strength, courage and support that @taylorswift gave me, thank you so very , very, very, much... I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you for this... This second chance and reinvention

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zorciarkrildrush · 10 months

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I had an argument I'm glad I had, which is new.

My workplace's attitude is, we wfh on Sundays and Tuesdays and otherwise go to the office. If we have a special reason in any particular day to wfh we can, but leaving early/coming late is better (pay is daily anyway and they don't like wfh when everyone else is in the office). I have no problem with it.

This current setup started during COVID, and since I lived very far at the time and public transit was kind of a nightmare-type vector, I worked from home almost entirely. I would show up every week or 2 to say hi, but not more than that. All that to mention, I have a whole year and then some of wfh under my belt.

So today when I texted the team lead that I'm sick and asked if there's anything especially important in the office tomorrow - otherwise it's better I'll work from home - I found out it's not kosher anymore. Either take a sick day or come into work.

Just so it translates:

1. I can work, I want to work, if I don't work it will get backed up and I'll have to make up for it later. I have every tool I need to work here, and in 95% of the time I don't do collaborative work whatsoever. IMs and solo work, even at the office.

2. I'm way too sick to commute to the office, I'll cough all over everyone and they'll demand I leave, rightfully, and also suffer because I can't rest when I need to.

3. If I take a sick day I don't get paid for that day (sick pay is from the 2nd/3rd consecutive day), and I sit around all day doing nothing while my work gets piled up.

My team lead, a person I usually hold in high regard, insisted I see it from his point of view - there's nothing wrong with me or my efficiency, but people have been taking advantage and slacking off and so on. And I told him it's cool, I see how that's a problem for the collective, but as a private person my options are either to gamble on my health and go to the office, or take a loss in pay, and I'm not interested in either.

Eventually I laid it out as fact - I'm not going tomorrow regardless of what he says - and he agreed and said he'll think about what to do in the future with this stuff. This was not before quizzing me about my health more specifically and about my efficiency this week, which are both entirely irrelevant and inappropriate discussions to have in that context.

To be clear, even if tomorrow I'm right as rain, I'm not going. I really really wanted to! But that's a horrible idea, and his response told me I can't rely on him employing common sense.

#selfpost #vent

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timeoverload · 1 year

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I wish it wasn't so fucking hard to have a good day. I'm feeling inadequate and like I can't do anything right. I have been getting triggered all day.

Of course a couple of the people in my department were bitter I was gone the past 2 days. It has been 2 months since the last time I called in. I don't understand why people have to make passive-aggressive comments when they have no clue what's going on with me and don't bother to ask. I feel like I've become a burden to them because of my issues. I bought some treats after work to take them tomorrow because I feel bad for not being there and I'm hoping they won't be as upset with me. I don't know if it will help but I guess I feel like being nice anyway even if they aren't always nice to me. I was given a verbal warning for sick days and got put on probation again. If I call in again before July I get written up and lose my bonus and my raise. It's kinda shitty that we only get 3 sick days in a rolling calendar year and you get a warning for the 4th one and after 6 you get terminated unless you have a doctor's note or something. Luckily consecutive days don't count otherwise I would have been gone a long time ago. I could get intermittent FMLA but that would keep me trapped there indefinitely and I don't want that. I don't like having to call in as it is but I just have too many problems. I wish they would stop scheduling so many cases in a day but it is only going to increase the next few months. I'm going to try my best to keep going because I don't have a choice right now.

My steroid has also started wearing off already and I'm frustrated about that. My back feels like it's burning right now. I was hoping to get more than a month of relief. My leg started tingling and feeling weak earlier and then it just got worse as the day went on. Now I'm limping around again but hopefully it won't be as bad tomorrow. I would like to schedule another injection but I need to wait until I have a better plan this time.

It was nice that they got food catered today for lunch but I could hardly eat any of it and it made me sad. It sucks being hungry and not being able to eat anything because it's uncomfortable. It's so stupid and annoying. I hate having to hide the fact that I'm struggling to eat so I take my lunches in the locker room or the back stairwell by myself so I don't have to explain to people that it hurts. At least I ate breakfast but I only had 2 minutes to eat it so I couldn't even enjoy it. Lately I'm lucky if I get to take a full lunch break. No one really takes full breaks anymore because there's too much shit to do. It's exhausting and I don't know how other people do it. I feel like I'm never going to get out.

I also really need to take a break from being on the computer so much. I have a callus on my finger from using my mouse all the time and I think it's ridiculous. My eyes have felt very strained lately. It might also be good for my mental health to try to focus on some different things for a while. I have been wanting to get back in to reading so I might try to do that or something. I will still be on here but probably not as often. I had a really busy day so I'm going to try to make myself eat and go to bed early and maybe tomorrow will be better.

#personal

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mikumanogi-blog · 2 years

Text

2022-06-23 “To make you smile” Ikeda Teresa blog [ENG]

You worked hard today

I’m Nogizaka46’s Ikeda Teresa

The words that have been put together to make this blog I know are poor and unskillful but I’d be happy if you were to ready it.

I got Kaki to sign my copy of her photobook

It’s my favorite smiling photobook that I own.

Ever since Kaki joined Nogizaka46 I’ve always to be an idol like her, to put my all into everything, and to do even more than what is expected of me… I really look up to her and how much she is loved by those around her.

I read her blog from August 16th 2021 titled ‘smile’ talking about her feelings of the 28th single. Through that blog I could feel how much she is loved by other, and even someone like me, who didn’t have a single fan at the time, could understand those feelings.

It came out during a time where I had given up on getting a result from the 1st round of auditions. I loved Nogizaka46 but I casually took the audition anyways even though I thought I never had even the slightest chance of passing the audition. At the bottom of the audition form there was a line that read “successful applicant will be contacted” and when I read it I truly didn’t believe that it applied to me. However, despite all that somewhere in the back of my head, it’s sad but I felt myself slowly keeping a distance from Nogizaka46.

Right around that time I watched the Senbatsu announcement broadcast for the 28th single, and I saw Kaki’s updated blog after she had been chosen as center for the single. After reading it I felt like this was the Nogizaka46 that I loved, and I felt my view and desire to follow them being restored. The very next day I received my written notice of passing and I was given number 8 during the final audition.

The first thing I though was ‘this is Kaki’s number!’ Throughout that audition I though that maybe I will be loved by Kaki’s favorite number, 8. And then, during the announcement of successful applicants, number 8 was called. I didn’t feel I had any strength of my own but that is was in fact Kaki’s power and so I thought that if I ever became a member and I was able to meet her I would let her know.

Just now I was able to tell her this story and I’m so glad I was able to. Being given such wonderful words and to take everything into account, everything is like a treasure to me.

To everyone that has become my fan, to the people who opened this blog and decided to read it, thank you very much.

Even though I have become and idol I’m still not good at smiling, but one day, I hope to be an idol like Kaki-san, an idol who can make people smile and happy. I’m going to do my best.

Petrichor

It’s a word that refers to the smell that the earth creates when it starts to rain, in Greek it is referred to as ‘the stone’s essence’. For the first time in a long time I watch the sun set, when there many consecutive rainy days the sun on clear days is joyful.

The rainy season has begun, is what I wanted to write but before I knew it we’re already approaching its end. Time is just moves at a blistering pace…! Everyone is there something that you want to do that you haven’t done yet during this season? Even if you say “it’s a rainy day” there still probably something…hmmm… like seeing a rainbow?

The last rainbow I saw was the one that was on the day that the ‘10th YEAR BIRTHDAY LIVE’ commemorative special art work was taken. I’m so glad that I was in the shot as a member of Nogizaka46! I’m soo happy!!!

It was the day I visited Nissan Stadium for my first birthday live, I can’t believe I saw both lightening and a rainbow at the same time. I think that even if I looked for the same occurrence for the rest of my life the chances of a day like that happening again are so slim that it might as well be impossible. It many different way was that day a day of miracles!!!

Many times throughout the photoshoot there would be short showers and everyone would run around trying to avoid the rain and so it was honestly thanks to the rain that we were able to create such lovely pictures. The reflection of the light from the rain soaked ground created such a magical and wondrous scene, tehe.

Speaking of which, the picture I posted on my previous blog… from the left it was Ikeda, Ichinose, Okuda, Tomisato!!! But I bet everyone knew that didn’t they… Looking at it now, even I don’t have a clue who’s who.

It seems that it was Miku who was the most difficult to recognize, There were a lot of people who got the correct answer! Amazing, and I’ll give you a very Tere like gift! Please continue on like this keep and collecting and saving up ჱ̒ ｰ̀֊ｰ́ )

〜〜〜

A story about New Nogizaka Star Tanjou!

Every week on Tuesday morning from 1:29-1:59 broadcasting on Nippon TV, everyone you’re watching right? Every broadcast Ikeda is fighting to not show her tired eyes in real time (they’re filming you!) tehe

I’ve had a lot of opportunities to sing along with the amazing guests that they bring on to the show, each time I learn a lot.

On last week’s broadcast Sugawara and I performed Horiuchi Takao-san’s ‘Kimi no Hitomi ha 10000 Boruto’ Having Horiuchi san’s rocksteady presence beside me was very warm and comforting, so much so that the stiff and nervous Ikeda seemed like they were able to freely move around - ̗̀ ෆ( ˶'ᵕ'˶)ෆ ̖́-

Hoof like shoes and Waffle (Ioki Mao’s naming) outfit was cute!!!!

And this week I performed Yashiro Aki’s ‘Ame no Bojou’. I thought I could feel a surge of aura around the studio and then I realized it was coming from Yashiro-san. Her presence is so strong that it seemed as though she has psychic powers, when she brought her hands up during the real performance it was almost like real rain was falling…( This is the extent of the vocabulary I can produce to describe the scene)

I feel so blessed that each and every experience I have here is important. I’m going to do my best so that each experience is linked in even the slightest way to my growth! The only way is forward!!!!

〜〜〜

A story about the live concert

We held a mini commemorative live for the 29th single, it was my first time participating in an online live concert, I remember feeling nervous before going on and then becoming very excited!!!

Ikeda really like those moments she has while standing on the side of the stage waiting to go on and then she performed ‘zetsubo no ichibyo mae’. It’s the second time since the Get to Know us Meet and Greet ( ｰ̀֊ｰ́ )v

During practice there was a video recording of our Meet and Greet and Birthday live performances, and it was really embarrassing to watch… It was really obvious from the recording how nervous I was. I’m trained myself to be stronger.

To the people that watched this mini live! I hope that everyone could see that I’ve grown a little since my first performance, it would make me suuuuupper happy.

We also got to wear our new outfit and the mini live!!! Ikeda’s costume has a adult like necktie, it’s very cool (　･´ｰ･｀)

The ribbon type outfit is super cute, and when I went to talk about it with Naonao and Aruno they were like ‘Ikeda’s style doesn’t really suit a ribbon look’

WHAT DO YOU MEAAAAANNNN! But it’s true I don’t really suit cute things…even my daily clothes aren’t cute at all…

Because I’m an idol I yearn to be someone that can look good in cute things, I’ll devote myself to this ( っ◜~◝c)

Smooch

By the way, there are only three 5th generation members that have a necktie outfit, Hii-chan, Aruno and Ikeda!!! We’re a rare species, please be on the look out for us ჱ̒ ｰ̀֊ｰ́ )

Midsummer national tour 2022

This will be my first time participating in this tour!

Without forgetting the lingering memories of the Birthday live still in my mind, up until now I’ve been calling all stage performances lives but the Brtihday live had a huge impact on me and has really made it’s way into my memory folder!!! From here on, throughout the summer I’m going to do more and more lives… I’m nervous and my heart beats fast just thinking about it but I’m reaaaaaaallllly looking forward to it ((o(｡>ω<｡)o))

Everyone please come make wonderful memories with us

July 19th and 20th: Osaka Jo Hall

July 23rd and 24th : Hiroshima Green Arena

July 20th and 31st: Marine Messe Fukuoka

August 11th and 12th: Makomanai Sekisui Heim Ice Arena Hokkaido

August 20th and 21st: Sekisui Heim Super Arena Miyagi

August 24th and 25th: Nippon Gaishi Hall Aichi

August 29th to 31st: Maiji Jingu Baseball field Tokyo

Please look forward to it

〜〜〜

Yamazaki Reina-san announced her graduation

I took this during the online meet and greet - ̗̀ ෆ( ˶'ᵕ'˶)ෆ ̖́-

This will be the second time that I will be saying goodbye to a senior member

During the Birthday live I was always positioned behind Yamazaki-san and so I was constantly exposed by the overwhelming power of her dancing. Just one arm movement would be woven into the air around her, I thought I would be blown away by her overwhelming forace.

No matter what I did I was unsatisfied with how I was dancing the coreo to Influencer and so Yamazaki-san would film and go over the parts I was having difficulties with and help my practice.

The other day Kuu-chan received clothes from Yamazaki-san! She was so happy and her overjoyed appearance will leave a lasting impression ( ◜︎︎𖥦◝ )

The second generation members are our great senior members, that’s why they seem so far away from us. However, through working together all at once we could feel their kindness, and that’s why I was hopping to get the chance to talk to her but then she announced her graduation and I was very shocked. I once again was struck with the harsh realization in that moment that the senior members won’t be working with us forever. However, despite this if the path that we walk could overlap for even a second because of this group then it would be a blessing. The time between now and her graduation will disappear in what feels like an instant and so in order to have no feelings of regret I’m going to pluck up the courage to talk with her!!!!

I’m going to do my best ( •̀ω•́ )

Well then, Next week’s #Tere-pan Blog is?

· Ogawa Aya’s come back

· Nishino Aruno’s cuteness

· The birth of more duckliings

Are the three things you’ll be getting! Rock paper scissors!!! Please look forward to eeeettttt

※Warning: this content is subject to change without prior notice, thank you for your understanding tehe

I (Ikeda Teresa) P (pan will) S (Answer questions) ← I thought I’d give it a name

WAH!!!!

Everyone, look at the comments on the last blog! They’re over 1200!!

Wew (;˙꒳˙ 三 ˙꒳˙ 三 ˙꒳˙;) Wew

Unbelivableeeeee, it’s super amazing, is it because you all the the Tereru disease…?

It’s all thanks to everyone reading the blog right now, I’m so happy. Thank you.

If you like, please leave a comment below, they truly make me happy. I’m sorry for being so greedy ( っ◜~◝c)

Are you reading everything carefully? Is something I get asked quite often and the answer is Ikeda reads everything, and just incase anything changes after I read I wait and see if there are any changes!!!

Please understand that.

Honestly I thought I would use this topic on the next blog but I want a name to call this blog… and what I decided on was…. #Tere-pan blog

I decided based on the impression the word makes ჱ̒ ｰ̀֊ｰ́ )

Feel free to use it as much as you like.

· Car

This is something I need to apologize for, I said Tail lamp when I meant front lamp. I’m sorry.

After people started telling my about it I looked up everything to do with cars!

Everything is so cool and adorable, if I had 100 more of myself I would be able to fully repent is how frustrated I am.

I think my favorite car that I found was the Volkswagen Beetle! It’s so round and cute.

I learned that Agasa Hiroshi from Detective Conan has the first generation of this car ･:*+.(( °ω° ))/.:+

Ever since I started watching it I’ve thought it was a cute car! If I were to get one after all, it would have to be a yellow one, but chocolate is also hard to pass up on.

The things I want have grown

· Songs

To the people on that read the previous blog, everyone game me wonderful song recommendations, thank you very much. I’ve made a playlist on my phone titled ‘blog’ and I’ve been listening to it quite often.

Ikeda is probably the type to be addicted to a hook like the one of ‘Hamasaki Ayumi’s “progress”’ I’ve also been in love with the power of the vocals.

CreepyHyp-san ‘IT’ The song is bright but for some reason their heartrending vocals hurts my heart, I love Nagano Mei sooo much!!! Mimiko danse…I’m going to start practicing it

DECO * 27-san ‘Yowamushi Mont Blanc’

It’s plain but I’m addicted to the feeling of power held in the hook of the song!!! The bass sounds so cool

Thank you for introducing me to so many wonderful songs!

From here on I’m going to continue to look forward to all the new playlist songs that you’ll introduce to meeee. If you like, please give me more recommendations ( っ◜~◝c)

· Do you listen to vocaloids?

Hana ga ochita no de

Dare ka no Shinzou ni naretanara

Amanojaku

Hibikase

No title

Matoryoshka

Panda Hero

Astronauts

Danse Robot Danse

Alien Alien

Solar System Disco

Meishou Romance

Teikoku Shoujo

Something like this, I don’t have a lot of songs that I sing at karaoke but I devote myself to these (._."Ⅱ)

· How should I do a self-introduction?

→ Please see the model below

Hello everyone, I’m 20 year old Ikeda Teresa, born in May, I’m not the third or the newest member to come from Tokyo. Starting in March I have become part of the glorious Nogizaka46 as part of the newly created 5th generation. My birthday is May 12th, Nightingale day. I don’t know my blood type but I’m probably type A. I’m not a bad guy but my favorite color is get black. My favorite number is, everything is number one but it’s really the second. I have quite a dislike of hot food and drinks but when I have a bath I like really hot water, I can soak in there for days. The birthday live venue was so hot and passionate, it was the best! Is how I feel about the birthday live, thank you so much. My favorite food is jumbo shrimp,. From here on I want to make this group even bigger, as the youngest generation of this group we 5th generations are going to work our hardest, the end.

Today I did a self-introduction based on the model from Asuka’s silf-introduction from the cassette tape, B side, of Neon Genesis Evangelion Asuka’s section. I tried doing this self-introduction to Inoue Nagi and I can say there’s an infinite chance that there is close to a 0% chance that I could make it through without making a mistake. This was Ikeda Teresa!

· Do you think I can toast Teresa-pan (Teresa bread) in a toaster?

→I don’t think it’ll taste very good

· How do I get Tere-pan to notice me?

→There’s many different way to get someone to remember you ( ◜︎︎𖥦◝ )

Somethings are coming to the meet and greet, commenting a lot on my blogs. There a lot of people that do this and during meet and greets we have long conversation.

These people are always happy and I remember them. Also having topics that are funny or engaging helps me remember you. That’s why if you comment something don’t just introduce yourself, talk about things that happened today, things you want to do with me. If you write something like a diary it helps us become closer!!!

After all memories and troubles helps me remember much easier, so that’s why the more you get involved with me it’s easier for me to remember you! We’re currently friends going through this life together so lets make a lot of good memories

I’ll be waiting ჱ̒⸝⸝•̀֊•́⸝⸝)‪ ̖́-

· I only have one ticket to your meet and greet what should I do for you to remember me?

→Prepare in advance

Here you go everyone, you can comment on this blog just like this!!! Here I’ll show you

I’ll be going to the meet and greeeeeeet, or put something that you’re going to say in the comment, or I’M GOING TOOOOO, CAN YOU WAIT FOR ME!!! Is some things I would recommend saying

· Do you have troubles reading long comment?

→You’re saying that to me? Have you seen the length of my blog?

(TL Note: Yes Teresa, I have!)

I’m the type of person that gets excited when the page has a small scroll bar, tehe

Sometimes when I going through the comment I thing, maybe I should stop for now, but there’s so many delicious and tasty comment still waiting for me.

· Today is my birthday! Congratulate me!

→Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!! ‪- ̗̀ ‪꒰ঌ(๑⃙⃘'~'๑⃙⃘)໒꒱ ̖́-

I hope you have a very joyous day!!! Congratulations!!!!

I’m wishing that everyone has a wonderful year!

· Summer, it’s getting hotter and hotter so I was wondering if you had some ways to beat the heat (besides using an air conditioner)

→I don’t think you should say such scary things. If you do I won’t be able to get into the bath alone anymore :( _ ́ཫ`):_

· When you disinfect your hands are you a spray enjoyer or a gel enjoyer?

→I’m a soap enjoyer (｡･о･｡)𓈒𓂂𓏸

Let’s both diligently and properly wash our hands

· Can you say a magic spell that will help me win tickets to the Midsummer National tour!!!!!!! (My strongest desire)

→Powering you up with Teresa-Power ☆

※ Teresa-Power… anti-bad luck power, by injecting yourself with this power you chance of luck will rise

· Can you give me a good luck charm so I can successfully confess!

→Powering you up with Teresa-Power☆

Confession success rate percentage up! It only lasts for a limited time so hurry up!!!!!

…wait, I’m? (⑉･̆༥･̆⑉)

· When it comes to summer homework are you a do it right away or leave it till the last minute kind of person?

→Rather than the last week, I rush to get it done the day before

· Tere-chan where did you go on your school trip?

I want to tell you the one that left the biggest impression

→Tohoku, Setouchi are probably the ones

There’s a lot of places I haven’t gone because I haven’t had the time and so that’s why I’m really looking forward to the Midsummer National Tour, so I can go visit various places!!!

One memory I have is of sneaking out of our room late at night so I could play a card game call Daifugo with my friends, the next it was found out and they got so mad I thought I was going to die (´艸`)

I hope that none of my school teacher will ever read my blog (pray)

· What’s the last Manga you read???

→I read Fullmetal Alchemist a short while ago(≧▽≦ )

· What’s the first late night anime that you were addicted to?

→Humanity has declined

I like illustrations of people with wiry hair!

· What’s your favorite Mongatari Series OP/ED!

→Sono Goe o Oboeteru!

I remember putting on my iPod Nano when I was in Elementary school, I still remember it even now.

· Do you like the new or old Hunter x Hunter anime?

→Old!!!

I like how dark and eerie it was, do you know what I mean!!!!

I love cel animation so I don’t care about the image quality ( ◜︎︎𖥦◝ )

· Who do you think would make it into the Adultrio out of the other 5th generation members?

→Aru-pan would be Hisoka

Saku-pan would be Illumi

And Ikeda would be Kuroro

I picked the best fitting answers from what people said in the comments

Hisoka’s trickster nature and Illumi’s poker face and long black hair suits them doesn’t it?

I want to see a moisturized Illumi (´艸`)

(TL Note: honestly don’t know what she’s saying here)

Aruno also seems like she has psychic powers doesn’t she

If Kuroro grew out their hair it would be naturally curly

I’m not changing the topic but I want to get acupuncture treatment!!!!

· Who’s your favorite angel in Evangelion?

→Which one, since I’m a fan of the original my favorite is number seven. The visuals remind me a little bit of Gekidan Inu Curry-san and it’s movements are nice.

The miserable repelling of the enemy by Unit 2 is another part I loved.

The one that makes me go ‘ew’ in the original is number 9, Matriel!!!

It look so ewwww

· Do you like Kingdom?

→Honestly!!! I love Ou Ki Shogun!!!!

That’s why I watched the first volume of the movie ჱ̒ ｰ̀֊ｰ́ )

· What makes you come across or helps you find a new work?

→I have a lot of books at home and so I know a lot of works

Also I look things up when people say I like this or I recommend this and so I expand what I know that way ﾏﾙ(ง ˙˘˙ )วﾏﾙ

The reason I know about Evangelion is because my dad loved it. He doesn’t usually watch anime but he was constantly recommending it and so I decided to watch it and I became completely engrossed in it, I’m honestly so thankful!!!

· How do I make my skin whiter?

→Never go outside - ̗̀ ‪꒰ঌ(๑⃙⃘'~'๑⃙⃘)໒꒱ ̖́-

Is what I would say but for some reason my skin still burns in my room it seems… I hate sunscreen so what gives, whyyyyyyyy!!!

· If Tere-chan was a boy?

→Hmmm… kind of like when I was younger, it’s hard to keep my hair short

1) Bald head → NO!

2) Regent → put on hold

3) Serious and side swept hair + glasses → not the worst?

4) Top knot → Samba!!!

5) 80’s visual kei → I can’t say that I’m not interested

6) Currently trending undercut hairstyle → probably the most secure choice

7) The kind of hairstyle you see in a Shoujo Manga where the hair is long and loud → It’s out because it isn’t very functional or efficient

I can’t decide….( -᷅む-᷄ )

· What’s a hair style you want to try?

→Probably super long!

I’ve always had short hair and so naturally that’s what I would want to try.

As expected, Ikeda’s hair grows beautifully… coming soon (don’t expect too much)

· At festivals are you a Yukata person or normal clothes person?

→Up until now I’ve only worn my normal clothes, recently I wore a yukata for the first time for Nogikoi!!!!

· When it comes to accessories are you a silver or gold person?

→Rose gold is number 1 〜‪- ̗̀ ‪꒰ঌ(๑⃙⃘'~'๑⃙⃘)໒꒱ ̖́-

I feel like it would be good on the skin!!!

But to tell you the truth I’m not an accessory person…because I lose them

· When you listen to music do you prefer earphone or headphones?

→Ikeda is a AirPods style lover

It’s the style that hurts my ears the least when I roll over in my sleep^. .^

I don’t really use them anymore but I also like wired headphones

I had a yellow AKG! They were soft and fluffy, and look great

· Are you a nervous person?

→I don’t think so

But up until now I never really had to do anything that would make me super nervous is something I noticed when I went on the stage for the first time. When I get nervous my whole body becomes stiff and for me being nervous is my number one enemy. I want to hurry up and over come this weakness

· I want to know what breed of goldfish you had!

→It was probably a Japanese Wakin goldfishε( ε ˙³˙)з

Personally, I like Comet goldfish. Apparently, it is a genetic reversion breed, it’s something I learned when I went to the aquarium with Nao Nao, how timely

Goldfish need to be cared for by humans otherwise they’ll just become regular fish it seems, how fleeting.

· When I’m typing on my phone the predictive text when I time ‘I’ comes up with ‘Ikeda Teresa’ and if I type ‘te’ it comes up with ‘Teresa’, is this another sign or Tereru disease?

→It’s probably the work of the computer virus known as Terevirus

· How does one stop overeating at night????

→I recommending taking a course on Zero Calorie theory

· I really want you to answer this but Are you a sweet or salty rolled egg person?

→Salty

When I make it it’s not sweet so I add sugar!

· You’ve mentioned that you’re not good with tomatoes, have you tried processed tomatoes?

→I do rather enjoy Ketchup and Tomato sauce!!!!

Napolitan, Meat Sauce, Tomato Cream Pasta are foods that I like to eat

· What do you like inside your onigiri?

→Sujiko!!!! I also like Ikura, but recently I’ve been enjoying the Mochiko Chicken rice ball at Seven Eleven!

I soooooooo deliciousssss ( ˙༥˙ )ﾓﾁﾓﾁ

· Please tell me your favorite drink

→This is one that Okamoto Hina-chan told me about

Green Tea classic tea latte at Starbucks

Change to black tea

Add moose foam and honey

It is so delicious!!!

I’m new to Starbucks, but next time I’m going to boldly order this one!

· Recently I’ve been addicted to curry in a pouch, what’s the biggest growth period in the 5th generation members, do you have a favorite curry? It’s ok to hear about your muscles

→I’m going to leave the part of the biggest growth of the 5th generation alone for now…

Dashi stock Japanese style curry is my favorite!!!

One of my favorite curry restaurants closed last year and so now I’m a curry refugee (. . )

If you have any recommendations, please let me know! I’ll try them out!!!!

· Do you like spicy food?

→I do but I can’t really handle them… curse you stomach!

· Do you like mountain mushrooms or field bamboo shoot?

→Ikeda is by far a Bamboo shoot person | ε )ε )ε )ε )ε ) munch munch

· Do you like blue or water blue Alfort chocolate?

→Blue!!!

· Can you say something in Kansai dialect!!!

→I cain’t do that

You cain’t pickle somethin’ twice!

Dialects are awesome aren’t they

This was one of the down sides of growing up in Tokyo. Recently Ichinose Miku has been talking in Hakata dialect with the other 5th generation (´艸`)

· Do you like Chocolate Mint?

→My dad likes it so I give it to him

· It’s almost the season for delicious shaved ice! Teresa-chan what’s your favorite flavor?

→Strawberry milk

· What end do you eat Taiyaki from? I start from the head!

→Ikeda also start from the head ^ ^

I like dough better than anko so that’s why I save the tail for last

· What’s your favorite potato chip flavor?

→Consome

The flavor gets deeper the more you eat it, the flavor of justice

· It’s good, it’s good?

→very goooood ₍₍ ◝(’ω’)◟ ⁾⁾₍₍ ◝(’ω’)◟ ⁾⁾₍₍ ◝(’ω’)◟ ⁾⁾

· Teresa-pan! Are you ready?

→Not yet, transforms!

〜fin〜

This sky if from August 17th

Well then!!!

22.06.23 Ikeda

https://www.nogizaka46.com/s/n46/diary/detail/100383?ima=3116

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genshin-impacted · 3 years

Text

deserved // Zhongli x Reader (NSFW)

Word Count: ~2k

Notes: female reader, Zhongli/Reader, established relationship, just two people who love each other exploring what the other enjoys, NSFW (see below)

nsfw mentions: spanking/humiliation, brat!reader, dom!zhongli, dom/sub dynamics, implied afab, penetration, kink exploration!!

Summary: "There are certainly many things I am not knowledgeable on, and this is one of them." Zhongli says (modestly, in your opinion), "But human pleasure and pain have... always been complexly intertwined, and if this is something that will provide you that joy, then I would like to try-- for you."

So you want him to wield a harder hand-- he can do that.

"You would like me to... hit you?" Zhongli asks hesitantly, his furrowed brows and hesitance a clear sign of his confusion.

"Well, yes, but in a very specific way," you explain very clinically. He has always liked that about you, being able to keep a level head and being upfront about topics of importance or about things that would have normally been embarrassing for other people. It makes your points clear, which is ever so helpful with the many human things he has yet to comprehend. "Spanking over the knee as punishment, more specifically."

"Punishment?" Zhongli echoes. He is familiar with the term but he would have never associated its need when it comes to you. "Why would I punish you?"

At this, you give him a playfully withering look. "Zhongli, you can't possibly say I don't mess up sometimes and show up late or forget to do something." You tease, "There's plenty to punish me for."

"But... I do not wish to punish you for those," Zhongli protests, and you feel yourself soften when he holds onto your hand, insistent. "Bound to contracts as I am, I would never cause harm upon you, regardless of mistakes such as those."

"I know," you say softly. "Sorry, I guess that wasn't very clear. But I meant... you would 'punish' me for... 'misbehaving.'" At his increasingly concerned look, you laugh. "I think it makes sense if you view it in a more sexual way, babe." (Zhongli feels himself flush at the way one of the pet names you have given to him rolls off your tongue so naturally.)

"You're not really mad at me," you continue, "but you can act like you are mildly displeased in order to punish me for something I did- or I guess, in this case, for what I didn't do. Like, listen to you, or something."

"I see." Zhongli pauses thoughtfully. "And this would be enjoyable to you? I will not be causing you harm by doing this?"

"Well, if it did, I agreed to try it, and I could always let you know to stop," you say, reminding him. "Our safe word and all." You crack a smile. "And I think the physical harm is part of the pleasure. As well as the emotional. But since I know you aren't really hitting me because you, I don't know, hate me or something, it should be fine."

"I don't hate you," Zhongli replies immediately. "I love you."

You feel your heart clench at the easy admission of his feelings for you and squeeze his hands. "I know. I love you too." You clear your throat. "Which is exactly why I trust you to do this with me and be able to enjoy it."

"We can always try again if it doesn't work out," you say. "But are you okay with doing this?"

"There are certainly many things I am not knowledgeable on, and this is one of them." Zhongli says (modestly, in your opinion), "But human pleasure and pain have... always been complexly intertwined, and if this is something that will provide you that joy, then I would like to try-- for you." You beam at his response and Zhongli feels comforted by the fact that you have always been patient and have proven to be so even now.

"We'll work it out," you tell him. "But you have verbal consent to do it whenever you think is appropriate... though I think I can probably act in a way that'll make it easy for you."

Zhongli blinks. "What do you mean, my dear?"

Your eyes twinkle.

You are a playful person at heart, and Zhongli thinks that has been one of the (many) reasons why he is in love with you the way he is. You bring levity into his life, a sense of appreciation for the world around you that is simple in its beauty, finding joy wherever it can be found. He is not surprised to find himself faced with a very similar attitude in the bedroom where you tease and coax, making him feel the need to hold you down and claim you as his (much to your delight).

("You are a minx," he mutters into the crook of your neck that he had, not a moment ago, ravaged with lovebites. You only laugh, hugging his head and pulling him closer, the marks on your body the spoils of victory.)

Zhongli understands now what you meant how it would be a natural progression to introduce your latest kink when you decide to rock yourself onto him with a mischievous gleam in your eyes. Pay attention to me, your hands say, trailing over his shoulders seductively. Notice me.

The book in his hand will always pale in comparison when it comes to you; you need not have tried to demand his attention at all when you could simply ask for it. But as a result, he had requested a few minutes to read, to which you would have normally acquiesced to quite easily. But today, he finds that you are impatient, almost impudent in the way you demand his attention.

A brat.

His heart beats steadily faster than usual (but it always is when it comes to you) when he says your name firmly, a hard tone in his voice that has not been there before. You notice immediately. Zhongli almost wants to look at your reaction if the way you freeze is any indication of how his tone affected you.

So you want him to wield a harder hand-- he can do that.

"Will you not listen to me?" He asks, hand curling around the small of your back. His hands have always been much bigger than yours, but at the moment it seems ever more expansive with the way he commands the room. "Do you need my attention that badly?"

Your retort is quick and sharp in a futile attempt to gain the upper hand, despite the way your cheeks redden. "No," you say immediately, eyes trailing down his unbuttoned shirt collar. "I was... just bored is all."

You gasp when he grabs hold of your wandering hands, his eyes flashing dangerously when he speaks. "How unfortunate. For you to disturb my peace and to lie to me..." Zhongli says calmly, "I believe we need a reminder for you on how to behave properly."

"Get on my lap, since you want to be on it so much, and I'll make sure you remember clearly." You open your mouth to protest and he shoots you a sharp look. "I will not say it a second time."

You glare at him, but that is all you do in protest. Quietly, you swing your leg off of him and delicately place yourself onto his lap, your head hanging down from one end and your legs on the other. Zhongli watches, mesmerized, as you 'reluctantly' submit to his words and display yourself for him with pressed lips, a heated face, and a subtly hidden look of anticipation.

Zhongli takes your consent in mind and does not ask before he sweeps your skirt up to your hip, making you jerk in surprise. He temporarily admires the round of your ass, the fullness of your cheeks, and thinks for the first time that he may enjoy watching how it bounces from the impact of his hand. His rubbing on the curve of your right buttock is the only warning you get before he raises his hand and spanks your ass.

The involuntary sound you make from impact is obscene.

Judging from the way you clamp your mouth with both hands, Zhongli thinks you hadn't anticipated doing such a thing either, and if anything, that makes it all the more attractive for him to have heard it. He looks back at your ass and decides you can take another hit if not a few more. (For both yours and his sake, it is a good thing indeed.)

Zhongli hits the same spot for good measure, and you gasp, back curling slightly as a response. He smacks your other side soundly, earning him another sound; grabbing your ass into his hands before spanking it again consecutively makes you cry out again in a way that makes it evident that it's from pleasure rather than pain.

It goes straight into his cock, and Zhongli has to resist the thought of it hardening for now.

You are covering your mouth from embarrassment, however, and that won't do.

"Put your hands by your sides," Zhongli commands, making you freeze. "This is your punishment; I intend to hear every sound that comes from your mouth."

You place your hands to the side, your fingers digging into his leg to resist the urge to move it back. "Z-Zhongli," you stammer out, wiggling your lower half.

Zhongli takes a gander and slips his hand into your panties and comes out with his fingers wet.

"You're dripping," Zhongli says bluntly. He glances at you as you reflexively hide your face in embarrassment, only to quickly place it down in memory of his command. "How long have you been aroused, dearest? How long did you go wanting me until it was too much to bear?"

You whimper in response, your ass wriggling in his firm hold. "Hold still," he tells you, and when you plant your feet firmly onto the ground stubbornly, he slaps your ass again. A few times, for good measure-- a symphony of gasps falling from your lips, and you stop moving immediately.

The power over you, and the enjoyment you take from being controlled, is intoxicating.

"Good girl," he says instead, trailing a hand down your thigh in praise. Your hand grip into his leg in response, ass rising ever so slightly as though to urge him to continue-- though it has long stopped being a 'punishment' for you anyways.

Zhongli takes care to spank mainly on the convex of your ass, lovingly swatting below and upon your thigh to shock a lovely gasp from your lips. He watches as you rub your legs together in an attempt to abate the sting of the spank and relieve the tension below. When you become muted, he takes a peek at your expression and feels his breath leave him at how your lips are slightly parted, panting, and your eyes glazed over with pleasure.

Utterly submissive, he thinks, watching as you choke out another sound in between a gasp and whine. You may be enjoying yourself thoroughly, but he thinks he enjoys this kink of yours (and his, too now) if you end up looking irresistible like this, in a different way from the way you can dominate him, fucked out and completely pliant for him.

"Did you learn your lesson at all, I wonder," he says, gently tracing his fingers on your tender cheeks. When you nod your head furiously at his question, sniffling, he smiles, rubbing soothing circles onto your back. "You were very good for me, darling, taking all that for me.” He allows you to maneuver yourself until you are delicately straddling him again. He kisses at the plump of your cheeks, holding out his hand so you may sit comfortably on him without rubbing yourself raw with your already sensitive skin. In response, you melt into him, burying your face into the crook of his neck as you wrap your arms around him, and his heart feels full to bursting with affection for you and the vulnerability you have allowed him to see.

"I'll take care of you, my love," he says. "I have a soothing balm that will surely be of great use; I'll pull up a bath for you and make you comfortable."

Zhongli is surprised when you pull yourself away from him to see your pout, adorably petulant, your hand roaming down to where his cock has been hard for the past session.

"My darling is greedy today, aren't you?" He teases and chuckles when you make a disgruntled noise even as you unbutton his shirt and unzip his pants. "No? You aren't greedy?" He helps you pull his pants down as he lifts himself up, grinding himself onto you. "You can be if you so wish," he says, as you look at him pleadingly.

He could have demanded you to speak to him and tell you what you wanted, but he decides against it. He aids you when you line yourself up for him and carries you down gently when you sink yourself onto him. The look on your face is pure bliss, and you have never looked more like a temptation.

Zhongli bites onto your exposed collarbone and lets you ride out your high for as long as you desire. It is, after all, what you deserve.

#zhongli x reader #zhongli smut #genshin impact x reader #genshin smut #female reader #oh to have an adult conversation about consensual sex

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beca-mitchell · 3 years

Note

Pitch Perfect HC, Beca’s actually a closet snuggle monster and Chloe lives for it. But only because she’s the only one that is privy to that side of Beca and it makes her feel special and secure in her relationship cause it’s usually when Beca opens up and let’s Chloe see inside her vulnerable side.

And years later when they’re married and Beca is pregnant with the second child, she snuggles with her pregnancy pillow when she’s alone in bed, but as soon as Chloe comes home, she kicks it away in favour of snuggling with her wife.

The first time Beca cuddles into Chloe's side, they both react to it viscerally. Beca, for her part, doesn't immediately register just what she's doing by leaning into Chloe's side during an impromptu brainstorm-turned-movie night. Chloe, for her part, immediately stiffens and feels her ears grow hot because proximity to Beca has been, well. Hard lately. Difficult. Grappling with the intensity of her feelings for her very taken friend. Very much verging on best friend.

Beca senses the way Chloe stiffens, which is really something that Chloe will forever kick herself over, and quickly sits straight up, yawning and stretching as if that was all she had been doing.

It kind of sticks in Chloe's throat, the assurances and kind words that she's so used to doling out for Beca and to Beca. Physical intimacy is just. It's a lot. Especially for Chloe because it's really one of the most important things. She just never expects it from Beca. Not like this, at least. Not now.

So Chloe doesn't say anything and their night continues.

The second time it happens, it's kind of impromptu as well. Near the holidays of Chloe's third consecutive super senior year, they both end up opting to stay on campus. Beca manages to get into Amy's stash of international alcohol and they throw themselves a pity Thanksgiving in Chloe's spacious (and lonely) room. It feels even more empty given that the house is devoid of Bellas and song.

It's much chillier now at the end of November, nearing into December. The low 20s and high 10s of the temperature around them means that Chloe gets to wear all her favourite cardigans and stolen hoodies. Beca seems to just put on more layers - more layered shirts, jackets, some sweaters. Chloe makes a note to get Beca into a holiday sweater as soon as possible.

"What are you looking at?" Beca grumbles, returning from where she's done tinkering with her record player.

"I think we should get the Bellas matching ugly Christmas sweaters this year. I can't believe we haven't done it yet."

Beca's mouth twitches like she isn't sure if she wants to instinctively insult Chloe's fashion choices or immediately give in. A common theme these days as Chloe unlocks more and more of Beca's incredibly soft side. She sighs loudly.

Chloe stifles a grin. "Matching, Bec."

"You know I don't do that. Not even. Well. Whatever. It's kind of lame."

Chloe holds her tongue. Right. Jesse. She's sure Jesse has long come up with ideas to having every conceivable kind of matching couple's outfit. The most Chloe has ever seen Beca wear that has a remote Jesse influence is a red sweater that kind of looks like a Treble sweater, but Chloe hasn't seen it since the very first time she saw Beca wear it.

"Maybe," Beca finally concedes, climbing onto the bed. "Pick a good movie and we'll see."

Chloe grins and presses against Beca's side immediately, pulling her laptop from her. "Christmas movie," she declares.

"It's November," Beca complains.

Chloe wins anyway and she doesn't even recall watching the movie because Beca ends up falling asleep halfway through. Chloe kind of just watches it happen because there is something incredibly relaxing and beautiful about watching the way Beca's brow relaxes all at once and her features smooth out making her look years younger. Like all the tension and stress eases from her the more sleepy she becomes.

This time, when Beca leans into her side, Chloe's ready. It hadn't really happened again since that first time, but God, the way Beca just fits into her side. The way Beca kind of curls a hand loosely over her forearm with the gentlest of tugs. Chloe slowly pulls her arm away, this time putting it around Beca's shoulders. The action itself makes a huge lump stick in her throat—a lump that very much feels like her heart as it threatens to leave her body imminently.

Beca inhales, a short little sound, and Chloe stops. "Sorry," she whispers immediately. "I shouldn't—"

"It's okay," Beca whispers back, voice muted and muffled. "S'comfy."

Friends do this. It's okay.

Chloe thinks Beca looks beautiful always, but especially now.

"You can see the bump," Beca says absentmindedly, lifting her shirt in front of the mirror. Their trip to the doctor was exciting. The knowledge that this is really happening for them; finally happening for them—Chloe could cry.

"You're showing," Chloe echoes, standing from the bed. She wants to reach out and touch Beca, but she isn't even sure where to start.

"I didn't even realize until the doctor pointed it out today."

"Neither did I," Chloe admits quietly, wondering if it makes her a bad wife. Not noticing that the love of her life had been undergoing some serious bodily changes to begin welcoming the newest member of their family into their lives. She finally moves to stand behind Beca, hooking her chin over her shoulder, smiling when their eyes catch in the mirror. "You look so pretty."

"You have to say that, we're married. What happens when I look like a whale?"

"You'll always look beautiful to me," Chloe declares, kissing Beca's cheek repeatedly when Beca frowns at Chloe's response.

Beca moves Chloe's hand to rest more firmly against her belly. "What if you can't hold me like this later?"

Chloe hums. "Nothing would stop me from cuddling with you."

"But what if your arms can't even come around me," Beca complains, a hint of a whine seeping into her voice. "And then you grow tired of trying to hug a balloon."

"You'll have to figure out a way to pry me off you over these next months. Trust me." Chloe makes sure to kiss a spot on Beca's neck that she knows drives her crazy. "I'm going to be all over you. In more ways than one." Another kiss. She catches the blush on Beca's cheeks. "I always knew you liked my cuddles."

Beca sniffs haughtily. "And?"

She hasn't quite brought it up to Beca, even after all their years together, but it still delights Chloe to no end that Beca chose this with her. That Beca chooses her every day. That Beca trusted her all those years ago, even when they hadn't really been anything.

"And nothing," Chloe finally says. "I just love you the way you are."

In all their years together, Chloe can't recall Beca ever choosing to cuddle with somebody over her. She hadn't even really contemplated it because it had quickly become their thing.

She knows that Beca doesn't do it with just anybody. In fact, Chloe's about 99% sure that Beca has never cuddled or snuggled with anybody else in her life.

But this—

Chloe doesn't even say anything at first because her heart catches in her throat. Beca's cheek rests ever so slightly on top of their son's fuzzy little head, her eyes half-closed, but still alert enough to ensure she doesn't loosen her hold or drop him. She hums ever so slightly, her movements slight and gentle as to not wake him.

Chloe kind of doesn't want to say anything—wants to let this night continue just like this. The sheer tranquillity and safety around them because of all the love she feels for her wife and her son—it's irreplaceable.

Beca's eyes lift then, catching hers from where she stands in the doorway. "C'mere," Beca murmurs, brow furrowing when Chloe hovers in the bed. "Bed feels empty without you."

Chloe doesn't hesitate then, only wanting to enjoy a mid-evening snuggle with her family knowing there must be many more to come.

#bechloe #my fanfic #just a quick thing bc bored #ask #anonymous #text #mine

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eligaxy · 3 years

Text

Wind

☆ℜ𝔢𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔭 : Venti x gn!Reader

☆𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 : near death experience, you’re confused asf about everything, bad writing cause i suck, spoilers for the we will be reunited quest!! And also for venti’s backstory, venti is serious for once (yes it’s a legitimate warning🤚)

☆𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 : Some angst, some fluff? Idk bye🤨

☆𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶 : "It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask." (2.8k words)

♪𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰 : i’m an idiot simp, i did this in one sitting and half asleep, english isnt my first language BLA BLA IM SORRY FOR MY POOR WRITING BUT HAVE THIS

basically you don’t know if you can trust venti or not, head says no, heart screams yes

Also, I was listening to stormterror’s lair ost while writing it, just because its fucking amazing, you might wanna listen to it too

I’m nervous to post this?/&:! This is the second fic i’ve ever finished in my whole life

i love venti and he’s hot in his god outfit i don’t make the rules

KAY ENJOY <3

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

Saying you were exhausted would have been an understatement. After reuniting with your sibling, you had been frantically searching for clues about khaenri'ah and ways to Inazuma. With no luck, you couldn't find any traces of Dainsleif or of your twin. The ruins had been sealed and you had no idea what happened to the inverted statue or the corpse you had found there. Desperately, you clung into every little information you had, you would have turned every rock on this archon damned continent if you had to, which is what led you into those ruins near Guilli plains.

Walking along the destroyed buildings your eyes caught sight of a dandelion and you froze. You missed them so much, why couldn't they go back home with you? All you ever wanted was to be by their side why, why were they running away from you?

You remembered your travels, the moments you shared together, their protectiveness over you, the fondness in their eyes when you smiled at them. You remember the times you got hurt and healed one another with your now missing powers. You remember sleeping by their side and being grateful to the universe to let you keep your ray of sunshine everywhere with you. How ironic.

What had they meant 'once you reach the end of your journey' ? What does that even mean? Stupid twin, if they knew you were here the whole time, why hadn't they come to you? Why were they always leaving just when they were within your grasp? Why? Did they know how much you missed them and how much your heart broke when you finally saw them? Did they?

You only realized you were crying when a small gust of wind had your wet cheek react to the cold, breaking your train of thought. Wind.

The wind is everywhere, you think, free as a bird, always accompanying every citizen of this world, never truly alone. With this in mind, you resumed your exploring, slower this time.

A sigh escaped your mouth. You didn't want to admit it, but the wind did comfort you a little. Almost as if he was here. God of freedom and of the breeze, he was more a singer than a protector and you couldn't bear to think about him. Was it true? What Dain said... Did he destroy this nation? Was he the cause of the scenery that still haunted your nightmares up until 500 years later? Your brain simply couldn't accept that Venti, your Venti, you catch yourself thinking, could have made such an act of wrath. He was the epitome of freedom, why would he take the very thing he based all of his existence on from mere mortals? Barbatos simply couldn't be afraid of being overpowered, he didn't even care about power. All he wanted was freedom and happiness for his people. Surley this couldn't be right?

But then again, who were you to deny the wipe out of an entire nation? The gods did it. They were afraid that Celestia would be overthrown by the pride of humankind, the destruction of khaenri'ah by divine beings was a fact. There was no misunderstanding about this. That was the one thing you were sure of. So why did you feel like crying even more now?

The mere thought of a gentle soul such as Venti committing innocent people to an eternity of suffering didn't sit right with you. Even when his dearest friend Dvalin had turned against him, he didn't try to stop him, didn't even ask the dragon to save him. He healed and helped him, gave him a choice.

'What is freedom if demanded of you by a god?' was the same person that asked this question the same one who committed mass murder? Genocide?

Did the little wine-lover bard you had grown fond of destroy all hopes and light your kin had?

You remember that night when he freed Stanley from his burden, freed his and his friends' spirits. You had marveled at his action, in that instant he was a god, and he definitely hadn't struck you as a murderer. You remember that look of silent pain and grief in his eyes when he sang the tales of the nameless bard he had taken the appearance of. You knew he trusted you enough to share his story, something so personal, you could almost feel the war that took down the tyrant of Mond. Oh how much you cherished that evening, treating him to some well deserved dandelion wine afterwards, his favorite, and asking him to sing you more about the time where was nothing but the spirit of a breeze.

Your heart broke a little, remembering his rosy cheeks and drunk smile, you wish you could talk to him, ask him what happened. What did he do, was he really as dangerous as you had been told? If so, then why did you feel so good around him? Why did you feel like you could give hi-

You stopped walking upon seeing a ruin guard up ahead in the distance. You're so stupid, you think. Feeling this way is not gonna get you anywhere, especially with how the bard had been missing for a few weeks now. Ever since you had last seen your sibling.

Where was he, where was he wandering off to? You walk towards the disabled ruin guard, not really paying any mind to it, still thinking about the god you longed to meet with. If you could see him, what would you even say? Would he even answer your questions? Why did your stomach feel so light and funny when you thought about seeing him, why aren't you angrier?

You're almost at the killing machine's level now, so lost in your thought you don't notice the five other similar robots hidden behind a wall next to it. You notice them only when it's too late and you've already turned them on while thinking about examining them and collecting their serial numbers. When you hear the familiar tick of the mechanism turning on, you internally panic and think about running away only to calm down moments later and think to yourself that you can simply beat it and take what you came here for. Even if you are emotionally and physically tired, you can manage, you think.

That was before hearing five other consecutive ticks right after it, and all around you.

Turning around, your gaze falls upon the small army of field tillers. Fuck.

Paimon wasn't with you today, you had asked for some time alone which she hesitantly accepted, so you couldn't ask her to go fetch help. You would have been worried if you had all your capacities but with the state you were in, you were wondering how you were going to survive this fight. You were alone, none of your companions with you, and deeply weakened by the busy day you had and the few hours of sleep you had managed to steal away from the night. Was it today you would meet your doom, with all your questions and uncertainties unanswered?

You tried your best to fight with the strength you had left, but quickly grew desperate after what felt like hours of efforts to swing your blade and being able to only take one monster down out of the six. It didn't help that you got injured along the way, their blows becoming harder and harder to dodge. After being thrown on the grown for the third time, you understood you had at least two broken ribs and that your shaking legs would soon fail you as well.

Fear crept upon you, you would die here today, alone. Alone. You couldn't talk to your sibling after all, couldn't understand. You didn't even get to talk to him one last time. Him... You would die without the knowledge of the truth about your bard. You would die alone. You didn't want that, you couldn't look death straight in the eye.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

In Mondstadt, there was a musician, a weird singer everyone had heard about at least once. He lived off of his songs and was mostly known for having a great story-telling and being an alcoholic.

The number of people who knew the true nature of his identity were few and he was perfectly content with that. He didn't wish to be a god anymore, his gnosis had been taken away anyway and it's not like he had any power over the city of wind nowadays. Even if his people still worshipped him as Barbatos, it didn't sit right with him to be called a god anymore. It actually never did, he thinks to himself with a smile, he never really took any responsibilities that came with the divine title which is why he was so weak today. But it didn't matter to him, his smile turns into a soft giggle.

Sitting on a mill that was once born from his steps he looks fondly over the city he founded. Even if they were godless, the citizens were still thriving and free. He cared oh so very deeply about the place even if he rarely, if not never, showed the affection within his heart. He remembers the day he grew strong enough to dispel the storms over his actual Mondstadt, and made the weather gentle enough so that there was no need for fireplaces. Nowadays, he loves watching birds nest into the chimney tops and seeing them found their own home. It gave him a sense of belonging like no other, not above his people, but walking among them and watching them nest into this cocoon he created. He was proud of what happened to his land and would do it all over again if he had to.

Especially since it led to him meeting you. This thought doesn't catch him off guard, you often roamed around in his mind after all, and it's not like he didn't write at least three songs about you and your feat, your smile, your courage...

Ah there he goes again, rambling about you in a whisper. He turns around to the statue of him his people erected in his honor, chuckling at how they never made the connection with his signature braids. His, but not really his, since he had stolen this form from someone who was much more deserving of this power than him. Seeing his friend being honored with the statues of the seven around the land made him happy, he hoped that it was a good enough thank you gift in return for everything that the bard whom he couldn't even remember the name of anymore did for him.

Upon gazing at the statue, he remembered telling you of his long gone friend. It was the first time he had talked about him to someone else, he didn't even mention it to Venessa, she who made him believe in himself again. He could ask himself why, but he simply knew that you had something different, more than meets the eye. Perhaps it was because you weren't from Teyvat, or perhaps it was just you being as simple as your natural self but he was simply and utterly captivated by your being. You inspired him to no end, at first he thought it was because he had never met someone like you and he loved new things! But as time grew and he got to know you, he understood quickly the meaning and depth of his passions. He thought of it with a light chuckle, content with your presence alone. He really did need and want you around.

So why did he purposely avoid you like the plague?

The wind had brought to his ears that you had met with Dainsleif.

And your twin.

His first reaction was to search for you, talk to you, he wanted to be here to know what happened! You had searched so long, he couldn't contain himself, still listening to what the wind told him, he started running with excitement but... But wait, Dainsleif was... He told you what?

Oh.

So you heard about Khaenri'ah. He had stopped dead in his tracks and turned back, only sending a warm current of wind your way, hugging you from afar.

He wasn't ready to talk about this yet, not ready to face you and absolutely not ready to answer your questions. He was a coward, he thought, running away like that but what else could he do, really. It was only natural for him to be as uncatchable as air.

A sorry excuse to avoid the fact that even if his past had marvelous story like the one of the nameless bard, it also had its share of darkness, something he wasn't ready to dive back into. Especially not now when your arrival has been shaking this world up like it hasn't been since at least 500 years.

But oh, how he longed to see your face or to hear your voice. So he asked a breeze to report to him what you were up to, and where you were. Just in case! he tells himself, what if you needed help ehe? But he knows you're competent and you won't need the help of a weakling coward like him anytime soon. Or so he thought.

Because when the breeze only gives him a few words back, his blood runs cold.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

As you murmured these words in your desperate state, not really for anyone but yourself as a last resort, a prayer of some sort, you tried to stand by leaning yourself on your sword and failing miserably. You didn't dare look up as you heard the loud footsteps of the metal giants coming your way. It was over, and you barely managed to accept it.

As you rested your forehead against the cold handle of your sword, you closed your eyes, tears starting to make their ways out of your closed eyelids. All you could feel was remorse.

A soft breeze moved your hair slightly and your chest felt like a black hole had taken place where your heart used to be, regretting to not have been able to meet him under the tree at Windrise one last time.

The breeze quickly grew stronger, until it felt unnatural and you looked up from the ground, only to close your eyes again immediately when you realized the wind was too powerful for you to keep them open. If you had struggled to see though, you would have been blinded by the white light that soon illuminated the whole ruins. You didn't have enough time to register the situation when you felt a hand being laid atop your shoulder, snaking around your collarbones and pulling you back into... nothing? Another arm circled your weak form and a voice you immediately recognized said

"I've dealt with things worse than you, now crumble."

You realized that if you couldn't feel a chest behind you while still being embraced by his arms, it was because he was floating above you, and not standing behind you. A look in his direction confirmed your suspicions but what stunned you wasn't the fact that he was flying, but the attire he wore. Barely covering his body, a white set made of materials that seemed like clouds and liquid gold contrasted perfectly with his regular green clothes. His hair was glowing green and his eyes that were focused on the ruin guards up ahead had a marvelous shine that you had never seen before. He had that same aura he did the night he freed Stanley, but there was also something different about the way his hands gripped you a little too tightly or the way his voice sounded.

"Venti.." You muttered his name, relief and affection flooding you all at once, in his presence you felt as if nothing bad could happen to you. How foolish could you be, just a few hours ago you were speculating wether or not he had wiped out an entire civilisation and now here you were, being saved by him and feeling safer than you had in months.

"Close your eyes, I don't want give you a headache" he said, slowly floating legs first towards the ground. His unusually serious voice surprised you (and him) but you did as he told you. Letting go of your sword and leaning back into him, you let him deal with the monsters ahead of you.

"It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask."

Being protected by a god really didn't feel that bad. Especially when you were in love with said god.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Thank you so much for reading whatever this is until the end :’)

Don’t hesitate to comment or reblog, tysm <3

Ps: venti loves u and so do i do pls take care of urself mwah

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin impact scenario #venti x reader #venti x traveler #venti x lumine #venti x aether #el writes♡

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twilightprince101 · 3 years

Text

So I made an SCP entry for Bugsnax...

I thought with the ending and all of the disturbing stuff that this game has, it would fit perfectly with SCP stuff. Not to mention, there has to be an SCP equivalent in the Grumpus world. GCP? SGP? SCG? I dunno man, have some horror writing about muppets.

SCP-3470: Sentient Sustenance

[Heavy spoilers for Bugsnax ending]

Item #: SCP-3470 aka “Snaktooth Island”

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Due to its nature of being a landmass the most SCP teams can do is obscure its location to the populus. Efforts have been made to create rumors of numerous shipwrecks--akin to SCP-605 “Bermuda Triangle”--to deter the public from exploring the location. If unauthorized ships are witnessed crossing into the restricted zone, they are to be terminated immediately. Addendum: Due to the recent insubordination of Dr. [REDACTED]. All authorized personnel that enter or exit SCP-3470 are to be subjected to a rigorous screening process to ensure that no instances of SCP-3470-A are brought out of the restricted area without B Class Permission or higher. Further precautions being considered are a 10 minute test in which personnel seeking access to SCP-3470 are to be placed into an empty room with an instance of SCP-3470-A. If SCP personnel show any signs of wishing to consume SCP-3470-A, they are to be removed from the team immediately. Permission from Professor [REDACTED]. Is awaiting approval.

Description: SCP-3470 is a large landmass off of the coast of [REDACTED]. Spanning 50 mi^2 and nearing 1.5 mi in height. Several sections of SCP-3470 are flux in weather patterns, ranging from lush forests to arid deserts in the span of 3 miles. Although similar in appearance to locations such as [REDACTED]. And [REDACTED]. , further research concludes that flora are substantially different in chemical composition, containing traces of [REDACTED]. Which was only recently discovered. Due to this, nearly all flora encompassing the island are inedible, as digestion induces hazardous effects ranging from intense stomach pains to spastic vomiting.

The most significant aspect of SCP-3470 are various instances of sentient life, which are to be referred to as SCP-3470-A-[1-100]. SCP-3470-A take appearances of common food items, such as SCP-3470-A-1 [“Strabby”] taking the form of a ripe red strawberry with what appear to be dollar store googly-eyes [all instances of SCP-3470-A share the final trait]. All instances of SCP-3470-A vary in physique, behavioral patterns and similarities to their respective food item. Each instance also appears to have a “name” that it repeats ad nauseum despite not having observable mouths or vocal chords, making them easier to classify. Chemically however all are similar, containing faint traces of [REDACTED]. . This can be witnessed upon any attempt to alter SCP-3470-A instances from their base form, dissolving into an unknown inedible fluid, losing sentience in the process.

Due to SCP-3470’s flora being inedible, SCP-3470-A instances become the landmass’s only source of sustenance. Consumption of SCP-3470-A induces a drastic and instance side-effect of modifying the consumer’s limbs, thereby becoming SCP-3470-B. The limbs of SCP-3470-B instances vary depending on the instance of SCP-3470-A that has been consumed, alongside how many instances have been consumed prior to said event. Fundamentally however, all limbs modified take on the appearance of whatever the SCP-3470-A instance was impersonating. The more instances a subject consumes the more of their body transforms, beginning with the hands and feet and extending to the entire torso and face. The internal functions of the body remain intact along with full autonomous control, however the structure and physique of transformed limbs change drastically, such as an SCP-3470-B instance’s arm transforming into a banana after consuming an instance of SCP-3470-A-12 [“Banooper”]. These transformations subside in time [correlating to amount of SCP-3470-A instances consumed], with SCP-3470-B limbs reverting back to their original state, containing faint traces of [REDACTED].

Addendum 3470-B: Increased Exposure

Proceeding with experimentation with SCP-3470-A instances under Prof. [REDACTED]. , extended exposure and consumption of SCP-3470-A instances results in increasing addictive tendencies and side effects. File below contains audio files of experiments with Personnel D-125.

Dr. [REDACTED].: D-Class 125, approach SCP 3470-A-45.

D-125: What is…? Ok, seriously what the grump is this??? Like, I signed up for this expecting a lot of horrifying stuff, but-did someone slap googly-eyes on a piece of corn?!

Dr. [REDACTED]. : 125, please approach SCP-3470-A-45.

D-125: Yeah, yeah, alright. So… (to A-45 after approach), what are you supposed to be then? Did Dr. [REDACTED]. Have their kid put their arts and crafts project on display or-

A-45: Cobhopper!

D-125: GRUMPIN WHA- IT JUST TALKED?! IT MOVED IT’S LOOKING AT ME!!!

Dr. [REDACTED].: (whispering) so much for being the ‘toughest D-class around… ‘

D-125: So you’re telling me I just… eat it? The eyes too?

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Correct. Do not worry, upon further testing the eyes seem to be made of a material akin to valentine’s candy hearts (lie).

D-125: Huh… alright then. Down the hatch, I guess?

Sounds of eating, cries of A-45

Dr. [REDACTED]. : D-125, describe the flavor.

D-125: It’s… good actually! I was honestly expecting the insides to be guts or poison or something, but it’s actually pretty good! Nice and buttered to, a bit of salt? Reminds me of my mom’s barbeque.

Dr. [REDACTED]. : And the sensation of your leg transforming?

D-125: Huh? (125 looks down and notices their leg transformed into a head of corn). Oh… Well this is pretty cool I guess.

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Any uncomfortable sensations?

D-125: Not really no. It’s weird… I can still feel my toes, but it’s like a peg leg. Actually, I think I can see a few kernels wiggling if I try. Neat!

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Is… that it?

D-125: Yeah I think so, *chuckles,* this is actually pretty cool!

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Hmm… (To recorder) Despite initial panic from witnessing A-45, subject D-125 has adjusted to transformation with record pace. Further research required.

D-125: Heya doc!

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Greetings D-125. Have you adjusted to recent transformations?

D-125: Yeah it’s been going alright. The pineapple hair is a pretty nice dew all things considered, and the bacon tongue makes me look like a snake. I like it!

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Pleased to hear it. Now, approach SCP-3470-A-52.

D-125: Alright, what’s on the menu today then? Who’re you little guy?

A-52: Sodi-D Sodi-D!

D-125: Huh, a drink this time. Change of pace I guess.

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Please consume A-52.

D-125: Right away ma’am. Sir. Whatever.

Sound of soda can opening and drinking, cries of A-52.

Dr. [REDACTED]. : (To recorder) Upon the first drop of A-52’s fluid, transformation has already occurred, transforming the subject's ears into what appear to be soda can tabs. No further transformations appear to occur on consecutive gulps-wha (To D-125) Sir?!

Sounds of crunching, further cries of A-52, then silence.

D-125: Not bad! I don’t usually drink soda, beer’s more my thing personally, but it was pretty sweet! Just the right amount of sugar. And hey, new accessory!

Dr. [REDACTED]. : ...D-125, why did you eat A-52’s shell?

D-125: Huh?

Dr. [REDACTED]. : The… the can. Nobody has attempted to consume the can.

D-125: Oh. Uh…

Silence for 7 seconds

D-125: I dunno, I guess since the eyes were edible on the other guys, I thought the can would be here? Wasn’t too hard to eat, kinda like biting into ice. Didn’t hurt.

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Very… interesting. This will be recorded for future experiments, thank you D-125.

D-125: No prob. And hey, call me Chuffee.

D-125: Hehey, candy corn teeth! Pretty sharp too, should make eating these things even easier!

Dr. [REDACTED]. : D-125, you’re nearing complete bodily transformation. Have you been experiencing any discomfort as of late? Any anomalies?

D-125: Nope, in fact I feel great! I used to have this crink in my back for the longest time, but now it’s gone! I’m more limber than I’ve been in ages!

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Fascinating… very well then, thank you for your time.

D-125: ...wait, what? That’s it?

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Hm?

D-125: There isn’t any more left? I thought there would be a bit more.

Dr. [REDACTED]. : *sigh,* D-125, we’ve went over this last time. We cannot give you more than one instance a day due to 3470-A’s high caloric count. The instance you just ate was over twenty th-

D-125: You know you keep saying that. Didn’t you guys want to really figure out what’s with these things? When I ate that soda can you said yourself that nobody’s tried that before, so let’s go further! I’m still hungry anyways, I’m craving a burger if you got any like that.

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Sir, please exit the room. I cannot give you any more than what I am authorized.

D-125: ……..You know, it’s interesting how your window is so high up there. I can hardly see you.

Dr. [REDACTED]. : ...excuse me?

D-125: You heard me [REDACTED]. , I can barely see you from down here. You can see exactly how I change, the new stuff I get… but I can’t see yours.

Silence for 15 seconds.

D-125: I know you’re holding out on me up there [REDACTED]. .

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Sir, I’ve told you countless times already. I can’t give you any more than I’m authorized.

D-125: (Sarcasm) Oh yeah, suuure. For all I know you guys are feasting away on these things up there, while leaving me for dust! Like seriously, a single popcorn kernel?! That’s it?!

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Sir, that is all I can give you today. Please exi-

Sound of a door opening

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Wh- Professor [REDACTED]. ?

Professor [REDACTED]. : Hello D-125.

D-125: Oh great, another snob to tell me what to do. If you aren’t gonna feed me, then just shut up already! My stomach’s growling like crazy, and I’m not leaving until I get my meal!

Professor [REDACTED]. : Not to worry D-125, I’m fully prepared to grant your wish.

D-125: ...wait, really?

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Professor, what are you-

Professor [REDACTED]. : I listened to the log of your previous meal, and you raised a good point. If we at the SCP foundation wish to fully understand what these creatures are capable of, we must push the boundaries of what we believe are possible. So then…

(Sound of metal grinding, several overlapping cries of SCP-3470-A instances)

D-125: Oh, my…

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Professor, what are you doing?

Professor [REDACTED]. : Eat until you can’t eat anymore. Consider it my treat, to you.

D-125: Ooohohohohoooo yes!!! Now we’re talking!!! Come to papa little guys!!!

Professor [REDACTED]. : Subject so far has consumed 34 instances of 3470-A. Since consuming number 21 he has shown increased signs of vigor, despite eating half of his body mass.

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Professor, please, stop him. This is-

Professor [REDACTED]. : (continuing) Upon complete transformation of limbs to SCP 3470-B instances, any further consumption appears to override a prior one. His leg, previously resembling a head of corn has transformed now into a roll of sushi. His tongue, once a strip of bacon, now a wad of chips.

D-125: (While eating) Mmmph! Oh my god, what are you a jar of pickles! More the merrier!

Sound of sloppy gulping, glass crunching, cries of SCP-3470-A-35

D-125: Ooogh, some noodles too! Love japanese food!

Sounds of rapid slurping, rapid glass crunching and licking.

Professor [REDACTED]. : Subject appears to have increased vigor in consuming 3470-A instances, not leaving a single crumb or shard left uneaten. A query: what is the chemical makeup of instances contained in glass jars or bowls? The bowls themselves? Further research required.

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Chuffee please, stop! You’re going to hurt yourself!

Rapid, feral sounds of crunching and slurping.

Professor [REDACTED]. : Subject has now eaten approximately eaten 1.5 times his body mass yet continues to feat, now with no regards for table manners whatsoever. I have already called for a janitor to wait outside.

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Chuffee stop!! You-

Laughter, slowly increasing in volume

D-125: This!! This is the best I’ve eaten in my entire life!!!

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Chuffee please-O-oh… oh my-

Professor [REDACTED]. : Subject’s left ear has disconnected itself from its host. There appear to be no signs of blood or even markings indicating he has had one at all-there goes a tooth!

D-125: Hooooh I knew you all were holding back on me!!! This stuff is delicious, amazing, spectacular!!! I’ll never go hungry again, no more rotting on the streets!!! This is all mine, you hear me?! Mine, MINE, MINE!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

Laughter continues for several seconds, sounds of objects falling to floor as volume slowly decreases, ending with a loud clatter.

Dr. [REDACTED]. : Ch-Chuffee, I- urp!

Sound of vomiting

Professor [REDACTED]. : Subject, after eating nearly twice his body mass, has had each limb separate from his core torso one by one, now fully resembling their respective food items, until his eyes transformed into SCP-3470-B instance, resembling the mixed nuts that made up his head. Soon after, his torso and head fell apart, scattering into mixed-nuts. I can not recognize Subject D-125 in the slurry.

More sounds of vomiting

Professor [REDACTED]. : These results are quite fascinating. Further research is required into these various side effects. End tape.

#bugsnax #scp #scp foundation #bugsnax spoilers #secure contain protect #my writing #my writings #twi talks #spoilers #((I love writing fucked up stuff like this))#tw horror #tw body horror #body horror #horror

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the-bau-quinjet · 3 years

Text

How could you do this babe?

In Breakable Heaven chapter one! Here we go!

Summary: Reader’s ready to celebrate her anniversary with her boyfriend, but things don’t go as planned.

Warnings: Cheating, swearing, drunk people

Word Count: ~2100

“…leave a message at the beep.”

You couldn’t help but be disappointed that he didn’t answer, but didn’t mind leaving a message. “Hey babe, I was able to close the bookstore early! I should be to yours in the next few minutes if you want to celebrate early. I know you like to have ample time to get ready, so I guess I just wanted to warn you. Anyway, I love you. See you soon.” You left the voicemail as you walked to your car. Tonight you are celebrating your three-year anniversary. You even changed into your brand new lingerie to surprise him, wearing a long coat to hide it in public. It felt a little bit wrong not wearing real clothes, but you were determined to make this the best anniversary celebration yet.

The drive to his apartment was relatively uneventful. A light rain started about halfway through the five-minute drive. As you pull up to his apartment building, you notice the lights on in his room. “Good, he’s home” you think to yourself as you open the door, shuffling inside from the muggy DC weather. As you approach the apartment door, you can hear the soft music of the playlist you made last month featuring all of Taylor Swifts most romantic love songs. Your heart flutters as you think of the kind gesture. Of course, he would be thoughtful enough to put on music as you arrived at his apartment. Unlocking the door and untying your coat at the same time proved to more difficult than anticipated, but you managed to nudge the door open whispering “happy anniversary baby” in the sultriest tone you could.

As you took in the rest of the apartment, your heart burst. There were roses everywhere. Candles lit a path to the bedroom. Maybe he did know how to be a romantic. Dropping your things on the counter and sliding your coat off the rest of the way, you tip toed into the bedroom to surprise him since he clearly did not get your message. The next sixty seconds felt as though time stopped. Or, more accurately, you froze and everything else in the world took on an impossible speed.

As you pushed open the bedroom door, three things caught your attention. First, you felt a surprising amount of resistant as you pushed the door over a bundle of clothes you didn’t recognize. Second, you heard the bed bouncing against the wall. Third, you saw streaks of auburn hair running through you’re boyfriend’s hands as he mercilessly pounded into a woman you didn’t recognize.

Apparently, your entrance was too quiet for either of them to be interrupted. All you could manage was to slowly retreat into the living room, closing the door, but knocking into a side table. You could hear them as they stopped moving, running to the door to investigate the noise. All you wanted was to get out of there though. Throwing your coat back over your lingerie, you grabbed your purse and keys, slamming the door shut. You didn’t even turn around when you heard him opening the door and calling your name. Whatever he had to say was not worth your time anymore.

You couldn’t get the image of the two of them in bed together out of your head. You were feeling absolutely everything at once. You felt betrayed. You felt sad. A small part of you was actually glad you had a reason to end it. It had never felt like the kind of relationship that would move on. But still, you thought you were happy with him.

But mostly, you were pissed. Rightfully so, but you had no idea where to go or what to do. Your blind adrenaline carried you to the car, and you wound up at a bar. You don’t even remember starting the car, much less driving, but you knew you needed something to drink. You ran inside, ordering tequila shots to drown the sadness, and sat at the bar. As you sat at the bar, contemplating your existence, a man walked up to sit next to you. You had your fair share of practice with this scenario. You had mastered the right mix “fuck off” and “sorry, I’m taken” to get men like this guy to back off with just a single look. But right now, all you could manage was a halfhearted grin that very clearly said “you do not want to deal with my emotional baggage right now.” It was all in the crazed look in your eyes, you were sure of it.

Nobody else came up to you while you were there. You couldn’t help but think over the past three years with him for signs that he was unfaithful. You couldn’t come up with any, the cheating bastard. He must have been pretty good at hiding the secret phone calls and date nights. But then again, you had your own secrets. Not that they would have made him feel like you do right now.

After sitting long enough to consume four shots of tequila, two vodka sodas, and one dark and stormy, reality set in. All you wanted was to curl up in a ball and scream. Or cry. You were obviously not returning to his apartment, but you couldn’t go back to your own either. There was too much there that reminded you of him. The idea of walking in there to see his sweatshirt on your couch made you feel sick. You were teetering on the edge of a full breakdown when the idea struck you. Penelope.

Penelope Garcia is your best friend. You met her at a Doctor Who convention the same day you met he who must not be named. She was there with Kevin, but they broke up a while ago. The realization that you could go to Penny’s couldn’t have come at a better time. Ha. Penny. You only call her that when you’re drunk. She’ll know what to do. You opened your phone, barely able to call up the Lyft to take you to her apartment. It’s honestly shocking you didn’t fall asleep on the seven minute drive there. Whatever, all you needed now was to get inside and forget about him.

After entering the building, you tried the elevator. Of course it was broken. It took you about thirty six minutes to hobble your way up two flights of stairs to Penny’s floor. With each step, you considered texting her to come get you, but you knew the second you saw her you would break down. You absolutely did not want to start sobbing on these stairs. Too many people could see you. Finally arriving to her door, you were exhausted. Mentally and physically drained. Knock knock knock “Penny?” Knock knock knock “Penny?” Knock knock knock “Penny?” you imitated the Big Bang Theory, knowing the small joke would make you smile, even if just for a second. When the door finally opened, you vaulted in for a hug, not even opening your eyes.

As you squeezed Penny, you finally broke out into a fit of sobs. Whisper yelling, you told her as much of the story as you could remember. “Penny, thank god. I left wo-ork early to surprise Dr-Dr-Drew for our anniversary – hiccup – but he was having s-s-se-sex with someone else…” you let out a strangled sob, not noticing how stiff Penny felt in your embrace. You buried your head into her as you continued “So I got very drunk and came here. Was he cheating on me this whole time?” You asked as your tears turned back to rage. “I even went out and bought this stupid, uncomfortable underwear to surprise him” you shout as your coat had begun to fall open again. After what felt like an hour of crying, but in reality amounted to no more than 60 seconds, you finally noticed something was odd. Two things lead you to a simple conclusion that was somehow difficult to comprehend in your drunk state.

First, Penny felt taller. Second, she was wearing converse. Upon noticing these two facts, your hands traveled up the body you were hugging until you found shoulders. Turning your head up, your eyes followed the path your hands had just taken. This series of events lead to the obvious fact that whomever you were hugging was absolutely not Penelope Garcia. Penelope was in fact not even in the foyer, but rather a very attractive, tall man with slightly curly brown hair and eyes like honey was staring back at you. And you couldn’t take your eyes off him.

Reid’s POV

Spencer hadn’t actually had anything to drink since arriving at Garcia’s. No, he just drank prior to that point. Normally, he didn’t drink at all when his team got together, but this was just worth celebrating. Another serial killer was behind bars for life because of the work the team did today. Hell, even Hotch and Rossi stayed for a few hours before they left. As part of the “young crowd” on the team, he had stayed at the bar longer than the two older men before the group of you retreated to Garcia’s. Hers was the closest apartment, and everyone else wanted to keep the party going. Spencer couldn’t help but join them, not wanting to return to his empty apartment after the long day they all spent testifying.

Finishing his second glass of water, he began to get up to get more and maybe some for the group when everyone heard the knocking. The group laughed as three consecutive “Penny’s” came from the door. “Reid, can you get that since you’re already up?” Garcia asked, motioning toward the door. “It must be Y/N. She always calls me Penny when she’s drunk.” He obliged. He obviously remembered Garcia mentioning Y/N before, but he had never met her. He swung the door open, expecting a drunk friend of Garcia’s. He was not prepared, however, for said drunk friend to throw herself at him, grasp him in an alarmingly tight hug, and start sobbing. He could barely make out what you were saying through the sobs hearing “surprise Drew”, “anniversary”, “sex”, and “drunk” before you practically screamed “I even went out and bought this stupid, uncomfortable underwear to surprise him.”

It was clear you meant to be pouring her heart out to Garcia, but you hadn’t yet realized who answered the door. For the first time in his life, Dr. Spencer Reid couldn’t think of words to say as you ran your hands up his body to his shoulders. You were clearly taking in the information required to come to the conclusion that he is not in fact Penelope Garcia. As your eyes met his, all he could do was stare. He made every effort to keep his eyes level with yours, but one glace was all it took to be ingrained in his memory forever. He wouldn’t have looked, but the movement of your coat caught his eye as it revealed the exact type of surprise you had planned for whoever Drew was.

The two of you were frozen, unsure of how to proceed. You looked just like he did- a deer in the headlights. Neither of you could move. Neither of you could speak. You could both hear Garcia’s voice as she stumbled down the hallway, but it sounded distant. It wasn’t until the mystery woman broke eye contact that he backed away. Trying desperately to control the blush he were sure had made its way to his cheeks.

Y/N’s POV

The moment was broken as you felt Penny turn you towards her. The flush on your cheeks only grew as you kept your eyes on the tall man as he retreated into the living room, not having said a word. “Y/N… Y/N? Y/N!” Penny had to yell slightly to get your attention. “What happened? What are you doing here? I thought you were celebrating tonight?” She asked rapid fire. You could tell she was also a little bit drunk.

You told her everything. The words practically falling out of you as you started crying again. “Oh babe, I’m so sorry. Here, let’s get you inside.” Penny started to guide you into the living room, but you froze “Wait! Can I borrow some clothes before I go in there? I don’t need to flash anyone else right now.” You whispered. Penny laughed, “Of course! Who did you fla- ohhh. Reid.” She said, trying to hold back the giggles.

“Yes. If that is the very tall man with the perfect eyes and the completely tuggable hair.” You responded, not quite filtering your thoughts, as you were still very drunk.

“I’ll be back in a jiffy!” Penny replied, not knowing how else to respond to the fact that you are very clearly attracted to the young doctor, but also going through shit right now. She would just file away this information for later.

taglist:

@mac99martin

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #Criminal Minds #criminal minds x reader

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