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#anyway im doing this bc im going to be posting shit here and i wanna warn the like

unexpectedbrickattack · 10 months

Text

Hi. New ✨Pinned Post✨

• MINORS. DO NOT MESSAGE ME. NO DMS. NO INBOX MESSAGES. NO. I am not checking my activity and Every note to see if minors are interacting w my stuff but i WILL check if u directly try to contact me. I WILL block you. Please dont do that to me 😭 Likes/Reblogs are fine, just dont talk to me Directly please.

• This blog will have ns//fw stuff! Suggestive and Explicit! Please block [spicy hot], [suggestive] and [saucy] to avoid seeing these posts! Make sure to remove the brackets! (Gonna be changing [spicy hot] to [saucy] very soon so I am adding that in there as well)

• No, I do not want you to dub any of my art. Oh my god. Oh my god ! I cannot stop you but I do not want anything ive done dubbed and placed anywhere on the internet. Do not show me if u do this. Do not show me if u saw it on youtube or tiktok or whatever! I am existing with Blinders on and i would prefer to keep it that way!

• I dont rp! Please do not send me rp asks and dms ! I will NOT respond to them!

• Not important but if u see Dissociativekitten in ur activity, thats me :)

OKAY thats it for real bye

#me reviewing this:#man this shit is still too long 😭#i had something else i wanted to add but i cant remember #eventually ill get to a point where i just list shit down and wont explain myself #actual Proper bulletpoints #anyway im doing this bc im going to be posting shit here and i wanna warn the like #[REDACTED] new followers ive gotten since my last pinned post #and no one reads that shit willingly so im putting it on ya dash #OH I REMEMBER. ITS THE SHIP STUFF #im going to add that hold on #actually. no…#i feel like the fandom has been alive long enough that people expect that shi #*shit…#so funny. i went to correct it and i wrote *this…#like my hands are working too fast for my brain #i guess i could add that i dont bother w ship hate; something i did not think i would experience in the funney pizza game #so like u will just see any and all ships here. ill tag it for my own convenience #but if ur like ‘dni if u ship[perfectly fine and funny ship]’ then maybe u dont want to follow me LMAO #okay thats it bye mwah

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izzy-b-hands · 6 months

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Mini s2 blackhands fic-ish thing below the cut

"Fuck," Ed tugs at the rope, then at his belled collar. "Shit. Okay. Not ideal, but-"

The wind gusts; the rope pulls, and his collar gets tugged with it.

He's more or less alone on deck. Everyone else is busy with other chores (not a bad thing, despite being wrecked to shit, the ship's starting to look pretty good), far enough away they can't hear him gag and choke when the rope tugs again.

It's his fault, for not minding the end of the rope as he tied it on to the rest of the rigging, for not making sure it couldn't whip up and get caught under the just loose enough edge of his collar-

A gloved hand lands on the rope, pulling downwards to relieve the tension and let him breathe again.

He makes careful eye contact with Izzy, letting their eyes meet for only a moment. "You don't have to help me."

"No," Izzy sighs. He's slightly off-balance, leaning more with the movement of the ship to stay upright, but how much of that is his adjusting to moving on his new prosthetic versus the result of the rum and whiskey bottles he's been polishing off is uncertain. "I don't."

"They'd tell you not to."

"They might," Izzy shrugs, as he lifts his other hand, and saws through the rope with his knife.

The rope slips away from them, and Ed can finally take good, deep breaths again.

With the tense rope gone to hang onto, Izzy stumbles and trips forward.

He doesn't even have to think about catching him. He just does.

They pause there. Ed helping to hold Izzy up as he gets his balance back. Izzy, holding on to him tightly, but his eyes only on the collar.

"No more rigging work for you," Izzy finally says as he adjusts to stand beside Ed, only partially leaning on him. "Not until that's off. I don't want that happening to you again. If anyone else has anything to say about it-"

"I tell them it came from the orders of the first mate," Ed interrupts gently. "Um. Thank you, for this-"

He hasn't fully let go of Izzy, yet. Nor has Izzy pulled away any further. He's steady now, but Ed's hand still holds at his waist.

Not the first time he's let his hands linger there, after all. It's still, after everything, a comfortable spot for them to be.

"Don't thank me," Izzy sighs, a deep, aching, tired sign. "Just stay alive. For the sake of the Captain."

'And you too?' is what he wants to ask Izzy. But he doesn't.

He forces himself to let go of Izzy, adjusts the collar to be slightly tighter while he watches, and nods. "I can do that. I think. Gonna try, at least."

"All any of us can do," Izzy says. "No more rigging."

"No more rigging," Ed agrees, and watches him walk away towards the Captain's quarters.

He still cares. He shouldn't still care. Ed wants to pull Izzy back and beg him to explain it, how in the fuck does he still care about him after all of this?

But the words strangle themselves in his throat, and there's railing to be painted, easier than trying to force the words out.

Ed kneels to look for the paint brush and small box of paint that's been getting tossed about the deck with each wave, and tries not to shudder when the bell on his collar jingles.

#text post #i feel like this is too short for ao3 but my brain wouldn't let me do anything else until i got this down so #welcome to the 'what if Ed & Izzy actually had time in the series to try and heal and maybe be better together' vignette show lol #this is a very early on sort of moment in it but. lots of ideas along this line that I've been tinkering with #also while i do enjoy cat boy ed i do worry abt the collar getting caught on shit so why not address that here #also a little of Ed having to just barely sit with the discomfort of what he did to Izzy and what the physical consequences of it all are rn #like the cute soft jingle of a bell #not ship tagging anything bc I Do Not Trust but if folks wanna reblog and do so go for it (only if u wanna reblog ofc)#anyway im gonna convince myself to get up and maybe make cookies. maybe write fic in between that and making dinner

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heartss4matthewq · 1 month

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NOTHING TURNS TO SOMETHING (pt.2)

contains: smut, dom!chris,choking,fem!reader, fluffy at the end

———————————————————————

“what?”

“you heard me”

our mouths smashed into eachother with no hesitation

“i want you, chris”

“all you had to do was ask” he smirked at me

my hands were tugging at his shirt signaling what i wanted

“so, so needy”

i whined in response

in one swift motion my bottoms were off and chris was on top of me

chris pressed his hard-on onto my clothed pussy earning an impatient whine from me

“fuck, ma you see what you do to me?”

a quiet moan escaped my lips

“chris- please-“

“please what?” he teased

“touch me chris, make me yours”

he pushed my panties to the side and ran his fingers through my slick folds

“you’re so pretty like this under me, y/n” he said while smirking and looking down at me.

as he pulled his boxers off, his dick sprung out of his pants and hit his stomach.

“thats not gonna fit chris” i said while laughing lightly.

“I‘ll make it fit”

i lifted up slightly so i could take my underwear off.

he started kissing my neck and pulling off my shirt.

I moaned in his ear and kissed him once again.

chris looked so good in this state.

“so pretty, baby”

He looked at me with lust-filled eyes grabbing my waist

he ran his dick through my folds slowly pushing inside my walls.

“Oh- oh fuck so tight”

i bit my lip trying to hide the moans that were trying to escape.

“i wanna hear your pretty sounds, baby”

He grabbed my boobs with both of his hands and then sucked on them

with that i let out a loud moan, hoping matt and nick weren’t hearing us.

“Yes, fuckkkk! right there”

He started to gently rub my clit with his two fingers.

“i c-can’t holy shittt”

the sounds of his grunts and me gasping for air fill the room.

“take it baby” he groans out wrapping his hand around my throat

“baby” i clenched around him at that word

he pumps himself as deep as he can go in me.

“mmh~ fuck c-chris” i breathe out.

he smirks to himself.

he thrusts himself into me faster and rougher hitting my g-spot almost every time.

my moans grow louder the closer I got, it’s like music to chris’s ears.

he knows i’m close so he starts rubbing my clit again.

i start forming incoherent sentences because the pleasure is so overwhelming.

“come on baby i know you’re close, cum with me”

with that, i let out a loud moan releasing all over chris.

chris was still riding out his high. thrusts getting faster and sloppier

“shittt” he pulls out and cums all over my stomach

he rolls over and lays beside me.

“fuck chris that was so good” i said laying on his chest.

“so i’m not bad at sex” he says chuckling

“yeah mya doesn’t know what she’s missing out on tbh”

we got cleaned up and headed to the shower

we got into some pjs and chris handed me a shirt and some boxers.

Then we got into bed again.

“Do you like wanna cuddle?“ he asked me with this cute smile on his face.

“yes of course.“

We both started to get really tired and fell

asleep.

10:45 AM

The next morning i woke up in chris bed without him.

“what the fuck” i whispered to myself

just when i was going to get up nick and matt came through the door

“oh hey, thanks for cheering my brother up last night” matt said with a wink

“oh my. u heard that?” i said a little embarrassed

“yeah we fucking did literally threw up”

“oh umm yeah anyway where’s chris”

“he went out to the store or some shit it’s way too early so i said im not driving him anywhere so he got an uber i guess”

“i’m back” chris had flowers and a poster board that said (be my girlfriend?)

“oh and here’s apology chocolates for you and matt”

———————————————————————

i hope this was good bc i genuinely can’t write smut. SORRRYYY that it took so long to post anyway should i make a series??

#chris sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets smut #spotify

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rojekte · 6 days

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seeing people's takes about the whole watcher situation is just a bit.... mind-boggling.

i think the apology they posted was good in the sense that they admitted to fucking up and walked back on their decision, and i think the model they've settled on now is a lot more reasonable (having content be released earlier for those who choose to subscribe), but like.... that doesn't mean that no one should've ever been mad at them in the first place???

like seriously, why does it seem like people are looking at a "good" apology and thinking "huh! they sure did apologize well! i guess that means that it was ridiculous for people to be mad in the first place! no one should have ever complained!!". if no one complained, they wouldnt have walked back their decision! they would've kept going with their dumb completely paywalled option!

and thats not even getting into the fact that their financial woes seem to come from completely mismanaging their money - hiring people when they can not afford to and spending more money on "high quality productions" when they cant afford to.... these are core issues that im not sure will be completely fixed by this? but idk.

also, this situation i think has really helped my own self come to terms with the fact that i do not enjoy many aspects of their content. i sorta already knew that considering i can not remember the last ghost files video i watched because i find that shit incredibly boring and overproduced, and even things like too many spirits have become a chore to watch bc they decided to extend the Not That Funny drink making portion when i just wanna hear some funny spooky stories.

anyway i guess my ultimate point here is: im glad they acknowledged they fucked up, but i also am not sure how interested i am in their content anymore in the first place. oh well

#watcher #i still personally dont know if i would call them 'greedy' for their original choice #for the record: i dont think the three of them are struggling at all lmao #they clearly are living pretty well off #but i do think that watcher as a company really has been struggling bc of their awful business decisions #so i DO think they needed to change SOMETHING #its just.... yknow maybe next time just fucking ask ur audience about the routes ur considering taking #rather than just surprising everyone with a 'whoops! its all paywalled now!!'#im really not sure how to articulate my feelings bc i just constantly feel confused at the way i see others act online #like seeing people yell at others for being 'too parasocial' in the sense of people feeling betrayed and upset by their choices #when those same people are being incredibly parasocial themselves by defending these three like their lives depend on it #these are not starving artists. they are the owners of a business. a ceo. i think its fair for ppl to critique them in that sense #and to point out things like hiring more staff than they can afford #and spending more money on production than is arguably necessary #even if it is part of their 'artistic vision'

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thatdeadaquarius · 1 year

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after scrolling through your posts i felt complelled to send an ask (i wonder why)

This kinda? relates to all the languages posts you've been making (was giggling and kicking my feet while reading them, and got inspired) but because I only speak English, I wanted to put a twist on it.

Creator who has audio processing issues and doesn't realise that Teyvat DOES actually speak the same language as them for a good while.

Because as a person with very good hearing, i sure don't fucking understand what people are saying most of the time, especially in big crowds. (its like listening to the sims sometimes man, i'm fighting for my life trying to understand😭)

So imagine a Creator getting dropped into Teyvat and getting found by a group of hunters or treasure horders, who instantly start panicking and talking all at once because 'omg our god is here' and all that.

And the Creator is still confused and diorientated, so all they're hearing is ✨words✨and they just assume that no one in Teyvat will understand them.

And then when they arrive in one of the nations and get to meet the vision bearers for the first time, the Creator makes a thirsty comment about one of them (probably would be Diluc in my case) and the entire crowd just goes SILENT.

So silent that the Creator can perfectlly understand what that vision bearer said in response.

Anyway, i love your blog :) not sure when you're going to get this, time zones are funny, but I hope you like it

Giggling and kicking?? Over my stuff??? 🥺🥺🥺💘💘💘 You sneaky little charmer ✨️

ALSO

AUDIO PROCESSING DISORDER ASK!!!!?????!!!!

IM IN THE MIDDLE OF TRYING TO GET ADHD DIAGNOSIS AND GOT AN APD TEST NOT TOO LONG AGO BC THOUGHT I HAD IT!!

FRIENDO!! THIS IS INCREDIBLE!!! ✨️✨️✨️🌸🌸🌸

Have a cookie!! 🤲🍪 tysm for the ask im very very happy to see it!! :D!!

(subliminalmessagingyouwillgoclicktheaskbuttonandsendmeanasksubliminalmessaging)

AHFJDLLAHFAAJSK!! LOSING IT OVER THIS!!

(Me from the future editing: Sorry i wrote an entire sloppy written scenario over this its diluc focused, jfc sorry and i hope u get smth outta it 💀)

Oh good lord you being some kind of Creator god after getting sucked into the goddmn video game world is absolute HELL for your APD

Aint nobody tellin u nothing bc i can totally see that scenario happening bc everyone is like blabbering at you constantly, they all wanna get close to you to talk so its just [insert that general cafe crowd noises here]

Like u wish u had lofi to go with it bc u sure as hell cant get a word in edgewise

I know i keep writing abt Mondstadt, mostly bc first city -> intro to game -> therefore you land there

But i promise ill branch out guys but i got an excuse this time u mentioned Diluc 🔥

Honestly bc u probably arent trying to talk back to them (which they dont rlly know why? Bc they totally have heard ur voice while u were in ur world, when they were ur vessels)

They kinda assumed either A. You lost your voice B. You're overwhelmed, ppl r getting WAY too close to you, back off Npcs C. Or you don't speak THEIR language

So ofc Mondstadt brings you into the city and their planning a big ol festival, u came right in time for Windblume anyway, and by the time your done shaking hands and just waving and smiling (bc what else can u do u cant hear these fuckers, maybe u caught a "the" or a "hello" but you could've definitely been imagining it)

And finally you are free of the general crowd, but most of the Vision bearers (Allogenes) who were ur vessels wanna stick around, so u all end up in Angel's Share somehow

It's hella packed, and it's a bar.

So yeah u still can't hear shit, and now it just sounds like one of those fantasy medieval bar audios ambience videos

Ur just kinda kicking ur feetsies on a bar stool while like,, 4 or 5 differrent special character dishes are sitting in front of you

Diluc's behind the bar, and has been so sweetly attentive to you all evening, no matter how many tipsy patrons come up yelling for refills or drinks (or at least thats what u assume, bc u kinda end up just,, jumping and hitching ur shoulders up and trying to be lowkey about covering ur ears...)

He always comes and refills ur glass when it gets to even half-full, swiping away plates that have gone cold, and if you still want smth off of it, he's so perceptive no language needed bc he just sees your face and starts heating up the plate again with his vision with his hand :)

He's actually been the best thruout all this bc he already isn't super talkative, so ur pretty sure you've only seen his mouth open a few times, but otherwise u just communicated with him via actions/expressions

So ur chilling, well sorta, ur starting to kinda get overstimulated by the day and now this loud ass bar, and the fact that ur convinced no one speaks English here...

But hey!

Diluc's cool, u got food, and maybe u can charade to him u wanna find somewhere to retire to now for the night,,

You try and do that but he's pretty busy running around still,

"Damn, at least I get to see his ass though."

...

Diluc freezes.

You freeze.

Jean, Lisa, Venti, Amber, Kaeya, Rosaria freezes.

The whole bar goes silent.

Their god of gods finally spoke.

Oh they can understand you alright. (Also u were looking right at Diluc when you said it so, kinda obvious who u mean, somebody points to you behind Diluc)

Diluc just kinda,, sputters, like jerkily turns around and everything like a fried robot

"I- ahem- I- um- y-your Grace- I-"

Poor guy.

He doesn't even know what to say 🤷‍♂️

He has been progressively getting closer and closer to his hair color, his cheeks, his neck, his ears its a full white boy flush he cant escape its so obvious (should he say thank you? How do u even begin to thank a god for complimenting ur ass??!!)

He's caught between facing you and turning around and ducking back into the kitchen and never coming out again (unless it's just you two)

...Was it always this hot in here? Or did Diluc do this to you? 😵‍💫

(Well at least it's a lot quieter now)

You take the next logical step in this situation, and gently let your head thud into the bar.

...

It's a tie between Venti and Kaeya who busts out laughing first.

CHRIST ALMIGHTY IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I HOPE TUMBLR MAKES IT "READ MORE" BC I CANT FIND THAT OPTION ON MOBILE

IF U KNOW WHERE THAT BUTTON IS PLS LET A BITCH KNO 😭😩

UPDATE I FIGURED IT OUT FUCK YEAH

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

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sugar-omi · 3 months

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I came here to ask for Rockstar! Cove rambles and saw the Rockstar! Baxter art you reblogged omfg it's so good.

Please can we get some of your Rockstar! Cove (and/or Baxter if you feel like it) rambles 🙏

(Hope your holiday has been great 💖)

this is more. rockstar!cove backstory but YKW ITS FINE BC ITS BEEN WHATS ON MY MIND LATELY we'll have to talk abt him again bc this post was getting LONG especially w baxterrr

tags : SFW, headcanons, step 2-4, rockstar au, so ooc, bullying mentioned, fighting, baxter's tags are below before his hc's

listen....

im ngl. i want him to be maybe a little toxic. a lil crazy.

or into things he's not canonically into/does often

at least he's rough n impulsive at first

whenever he can get away with it, and before he got famous, he loves taking a long ride on his motorcycle

compared to when he was a young teen, he tries not to take drives when he's angry

bc when he was young, he'd put on some music and blast it as loud as it could go, and he'd drive and drive and drive...

ended up with a few warnings and speeding tickets that way because he'd get lost in riding n his thoughts n the music

but now that his life isn't so turbulent, he doesn't do that anymore

i wanna imagine he doesn't grow up with you next door n you didn't know each other until junior year of high school

he sees you n he's sold...

thinks you're so fucking beautiful/handsome and he sees you laughing n smiling w your friends n he's so, so whipped for you

he's still a sweet shy boy, so it takes forever for him to talk to you

n it's terry who introduced you two!!!

he's all flustered, bc you're even more lovely up close

n if you're all bubbly n extroverted, he thinks you're like sunshine

if you're more reserved, he thinks you're very cool or that it's amazing how calm you are all the time

if you're shy/easily flustered, will sometimes (and now that he's grown, always) mention out loud he thinks it's cute when you blush...

either way, just loves your personality n thinks you're amazing n cute

you actually calm him down. you ground him.

he used to get into fights kinda often.

i like to think rockstar!cove got like this bc his parents stayed together longer than they did, n there was no brilliant neighbor to reach out to him

he n his dad were still like oil n water, and the kids at school were less than friendly but usually didn't dare fuck with him

key word is usually.

just had a thought actually... cliff's family living nearby

not his parents. he moved as far as he could

and with him n Kyra on the brink of divorce, her moving out the house, n all cliff has to do to keep them afloat..

he didn't think his equally shitty cousins would be a problem.

but surprise!! they're a few doors down n too happy to "catch up"

cove n cliff avoid them pretty well, n cliff really didn't need to tell cove to avoid his cousins bc he was already 2 steps ahead of him

but his cousins dont get that message, they also think its a good idea to pick on cove...

so between the short patience of most hormonal 13 year olds, his parents (finally) separating, cove's intolerance for bullshit....

cove ends up rocking his 2 cousins shit when they snatch his glasses off his face, bending the frame

ignores his cousins mom yelling at him n cliff to apologize for hurting her kids. feels a bit warm when his dad tells her his son is more well mannered than both her kiss combined, even laughs when he says a rabid raccon has more sense n poise

but is even happier when his dad, after a moment of silence in the car, asks him if be used the right hook he taught him

n tries to hide his smile when his dad ruffles his hair n goes "that's good. good job son."

he does hear the whole, "violence isn't always the answer" and "pick your battles" thing

but he shrugs off the lecture when he and cliff have a tub of ice cream each n cliff holds a bag of peas to his face

anyway.

he fights like a DOG. he arGRHHH HE HAS EVERYTHIGN TAKEN CARE OF. TRUST.

professional at sneaking out n sneaking YOU out

cove at 4am: wanna get mcd's?

dont even bother saying no bc he's already outside

dont pretend to be sleep either bc he FUCKING SEES YOU.

will leave you alone if you genuinely don't wanna fuck around in the middle of the night, but how can you say no to him?

ah. before i forget

Will kiss you if you're bandaging his face

asks you to ice his bruises...

SINGS YOU SONGS N SHIT

kryptonite. creep. p!nk and lady gaga PERIOD. all of it

serenades you with his guitar and/or voice

sometimes he's just fiddling with the strings, switching between cheery beats and trying to rick roll you but the beat is wayyy off

loves when you fall asleep to his music too, plays the sleepiest tune he can think of

you being his biggest supporter is what makes him fight to make a name in the music industry

after supporting him in his personal life, through all his lows and highs, then supporting his music that he was too scared to go for

he puts his best foot forward for his sake and yours

+ TAGS: mention of FWB, toxic baxter <3, so ooc ofc, mm implied partying/drinking

now rockstar baxter....

i want him to be a problem. he's the toxic one here

compared to cove, who is soft n sweet but impulsive and always willing to fight, rough but well meaning...

baxter is your situationship

your friends with benefits

friends if a loose word, since you hardly ever talk since you've met and unless arguing, bickering, or sexting counts as getting to know each other...

than you're best friends!!!

he's the big headed musician who always asks "wyd" and "u up?" whenever he's in town

at least he sends you money to doll up or eat, or whatever before he gets in town

"make sure you eat before i come. bc im not letting you go once i get there"

so.... if you want commitment. he's not it...

just saw *this tweet, and rockstar!baxter IS the type to email you after you block him

omfg. if any of yall have read armin x reader fanfics... yk how he is in those fics? all toxic n shit?

thats baxter.

not THAT bad. like baby trapping bad or cheating on you, manipulating you etc.

but he's bad

definitely the dumb choice you make at 18-20 smth years old n once you mature, you drop him because he doesn't grow up quickly...

he won't even have the realization that you're the one until he's MINIMUM 37-40+ YEARS OLD. AND FLYS UP FROM THE BED LIKE HE'S SEEN A GHOST

curses n curses himself to high hell and low heaven

now depending on how bad he's fucked you over, or you've moved on, etc... he understands if you don't wanna try being together, bc he was a fucking mess

at least, if he sees you catching feelings or himself, he does break it off

but there's still good times between you!!

he sends you things for your birthday

and when he's not on tour showing his ass, he comes to spend it with you

is very happy if you come to spend his birthday with him!!!

starts to look forward to it, but he doesn't really show it

although after the first time, he can't help crying, thought the first time was just a one off thing

unless you make the first one a big thing, than he cries then

even if all you did was get/make a cake and decorate your small apartment, he's so so happy

mm i started thinking abt smth

i don't think he's that bad, impulsive, etc. before his career

before, he's pursuing music because his parents hate it. its "not a useful career" and "embarrassing"

but then he starts to love it, its an outlet for him and then it's become a passion

but once he gets a deal with a record label, it's just a downward spiral

puts everything into music, ignores everything else and doesn't take breaks like he should

i think what breaks your "relationship" is him getting caught up in the darker side of the music industry, and losing himself.

he doesn't laugh or anything like before

doesn't make random trips to see you anymore

in fact, probably ends up flaking on you or suddenly canceling, or going weeks without talking to you

its rough. and you two definitely need time apart for him to grow and realize that this is serving anyone besides the companies pockets well

#our life: beginnings & always #olba #cove holden #cove holden x reader #baxter ward #baxter our life #baxter ward x reader

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frecklystars · 1 month

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im gonna start making doodles trying to reclaim my TF F/Os that i've lost, maybe once a week or once every two weeks... or once a month?? i dont know, i will try to keep some consistency but i really need to start slow on this. here's to hoping that drawing them every once in a while will make even just the smallest difference.

im so sick of associating these characters with my abuser and i'm so sick of the immediate fight or flight response that i get when just looking at pictures of TF characters or even the voice actors. i have tried just about everything... therapy, medication, exercise, watching a few clips from the shows, buying cameos, commissioning art/fics, talking to voice actors in person at conventions... nothing has helped me get better at all. i tried giving up on TF entirely, throwing out/giving away all of my TF merch, refusing to touch the franchise, but that has only made me more and more miserable as time has passed. it has been over a year since [insert the most horrific experiences ever here] happened to me and since i associated that with a long list of things, TF included. and im! sick! of feeling bad! so! if im gonna be miserable no matter what, then i might as well try to get better, right?? drawing my F/Os loving me has never failed me before, so here's to hoping it isn't gonna fail me now. i am quite the stubborn bitch and i refuse to allow my main coping mechanism i've used for 2 decades to remain tainted forever and ever 😤😤

these will be the shakiest, shittiest doodles imaginable, but i think drawing the robots i miss so much at least once a month can help me rewire my brain into believing they're safe again and they love me and i'm not in danger. i think the best thing that will help me is drawing my Ryan F/Os interacting with them as "proof" that they're safe to be around, that they've "approved of" them, will help me slowly reclaim them. fake it til you make it as they say. let's try this for maybe just a couple of months as a slow start and see how it goes :/

any TF doodles will be tagged as "reclaiming robots tag" and nothing else - free to blacklist it if you dont wanna see. i'll most likely be rarely posting these but jic //shrug

anyway. yay. attempts number one and two. i like to think barbie and ken stop by the starflower meadow every now and then because stsc summons them across the multiverse, asking them how i'm doing, if i'm safe, if i miss him at all. wow i am shaking so bad. ha ha haaa. these took about ten?? minutes?? so woohoo to ten minutes of drawing TF. im proud of myself for trying. even if i dont go through with this and end up not being able to draw TF ever again, at least i managed this one single post. if i keep this up, maybe a year from now, or two years or five years or whatever, i'll be able to handle it. i don't even expect to hyperfixate on TF ever again because my self shipping will never ever be the same w/ them -- i'll never interact with the fandom again, i'll never reblog fanart or gifsets or anything like that ever again, if i even somehow managed to feel good enough to actually throw myself back into the shows -- but i want to think i'll feel indifferent to it one day. to not have that fight or flight response. that is my goal. literally the bare fucking minimum <3

anyway. i'm super nauseous. this is so incredibly hard! holy shit!!! but that's why i have to do this. to quote pedro pascal, i am going to have a panic attack and i am going to leave 👍✨

(BTW I am still gonna stay offline for a few more days. I am back from vacation but I am SO burnt out I don't want to interact with dms/my inbox yet. I just wanted to post this just to get it out of my system and let it disappear into the void. But I will be back later this week bc I still have some commissions to finish and I wanna gush about my very exciting time meeting steve/tom/the brba cast. anyway... goodnight. i love you. smooch)

#reclaiming robots tag

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jeanboyjean · 3 months

Text

PART 2: we're not friends

a/n: im thinking i may just update this on ao3 bc posting on tumblr is such a struggle for me LMAO idk why but i feel like it takes so much more work. anyway hope u enjoy!!! wc: 4.2k MASTERLIST | AO3 taglist: @honeybleed @cptnleviackerman @plutoccult @milky-aeons

Hands wrap around your waist, holding you firm, grounding you against a solid body. Your body is on fire. Warmth envelopes you, spreading from your limbs and heating you to your core. Hair tickles the side of your neck when he dips down to trail along your shoulder, leaving open mouthed kisses on your skin. Your head tilts away on instinct, baring your neck, leaving you open and vulnerable. He takes the invitation, tongue dancing on your skin as his lips capture and suck into a particularly sensitive area above your collarbone. Electricity shoots through your veins, lighting your nerves on fire. You gasp. A sharp intake of air traps in your throat and you’re suddenly weightless, knees buckling and falling into him. He, who grips you tight and pulls you even closer. Somewhere, in the back of your head, you’re aware that you’re not the only ones here. There are others present and there’s bass heavy music pumping in the background, but all you can see is him.

All of your senses are inhibited. The room swims around you, tilting and turning as if you’re out on sea but he stands solid, an anchor holding you steady. Your limbs feel loose and heavy; the little coordination you do have is going into keeping your arms wrapped around his neck to cling tight. A woody scent draws you in, mixed with a hint of pepper and musk, making your head spin. All of your senses are tuned in on him, him, him.

There’s a nip at your ear and then he’s saying something, voice low. You strain to hear his words, barely making them out over the music that’s growing louder and louder. The world rotates on axis and lights blur together as pressure builds in your head, ready to explode.

“You wanna get out of here?”

You wake up in a cold sweat. An upbeat melody blasts from your phone - your alarm, jolting you from your slumber. You reach out to silence it, blinking your eyes wide, shaking your head clear. A flush waves over your body as your memory of your dream flits across your mind. Holy shit. What was that? Air fills your lungs as you take a deep breath and you hold it, releasing slowly.

You’re no stranger to spicy dreams - you’re human and you have needs just like everyone else. This one though had felt so vivid, so real, you swear it could have really happened. Your skin tingles from the memory of hands tangled in your hair, gripping your waist, trailing down to your hips. Your fingertips reach up to lightly touch your lips, recalling the feeling of having someone else touch them with their own. A small sigh escapes you when you graze the side of your neck, where he had been, sucking as if wanting to leave a mark. The anticipation for what could have happened hums in your body and you curl your toes, squeezing them tight to slow down the racing in your chest.

Honestly, you wish it had been real. It’s been almost a year since you had last had any contact with someone that wasn’t purely platonic. This latest dream is a new addition to a series of related thoughts you’ve been having lately.Might as well add that to your list of sexual frustrations resulting from your dry spell - dream about unknown stranger who you don’t know anything about except that they’re good with their mouth … check. That's it, you really need to get laid. As Eren would say, you’ve got cobwebs forming between your legs from lack of use and as good as your imagination is, this is getting out of hand and you need the real thing.

You drag yourself into the shower, turning the knob down to lower the temperature a little more than you would usually tolerate. The cold water soothes the heat flowing in your veins, calming the flustered thoughts racing in your mind. You stand there for longer than you need to, letting the water run over you. Across from you, the glass of the bathroom mirror begins clouding from the steam. As the fogs in your brain clears and the tension in your limbs releases, you try to organise your thoughts for your upcoming day.

The familiar scent of your shampoo is wafting around the shower stall when realisation hits you. Today’s the day. It’s Wednesday, which means it’s the day of your first bio lab with Jean. Jean being your lab partner, the one guy who genuinely seems to hate your guts. You need to be extra collected, because this is going to be your first real test.

You try to hope for the best - for all you know Jean could have just been having a bad day when you first met him. From what Historia had told you, he’s actually known to be pretty friendly normally and apparently top of the class. That’s exactly the kind of energy you need right now and you’re manifesting that you’ll be able to get through the lab with no hiccups. Maybe you had just caught him at the wrong time. Hopefully, you’ll be able to hit it off like a house on fire today … you’re willing to give him a pass if he’s able to get rid of the stick up his ass.

When you’re done washing yourself, you shut off the water and wrap yourself in a towel. With all of the events of the morning and your musing in the shower, you’re running late again. Frantically, you rush to get dressed and do your makeup to look presentable enough for class. One day you’ll be able to have the energy and willpower to be a morning person - but today is not that day. You’re out of breath by the time you skid into the kitchen where Mikasa stands at the counter spreading jam on a slice of toast. She looks up at you with a knowing smile.

“Running late again?”

You nod, anxiously grabbing your water bottle from the drying rack next to the sink and filling it with water. “Yeah, fuck’s sake. I need to start waking up earlier,” you groan, watching the water rise slowly.

She snorts. “Maybe if you went to bed a little earlier you would have better luck. I could hear you watching tiktoks when I was going to sleep.”

“Oh, sorry I didn’t mean to keep you up,” you say sheepishly, turning the tap off and screwing the lid back on. “I fell down a rabbit hole watching people guess how much money each other makes. You know how it is.”

Mikasa rolls her eyes, chuckling at your words. She lifts her toast up in your direction, eyebrows raised questioningly. “You having breakfast?”

You glance at your phone and see you’ve got half an hour until class. It’s a 20 minute walk to campus; if you want to get your coffee before your lab you’re going to have to leave now. You do a quick toss up in your head, weighing up the options and decide you would rather sacrifice your breakfast than your morning caffeine hit. These 8 AMs are going to be the death of you.

“No, I’ve gotta leave now,” you tell her regretfully, shaking your head. You start to turn away, shifting your bag higher on your shoulder.

She frowns, stopping you before you go with an outstretched palm. She shoves her uneaten slice into your hand. “Take this and eat it on the way. You can’t run on nothing.”

You take it gratefully and give her a quick hug, squeezing tight with your arms. With no time to waste, you make your way to the door. As you leave, you call out your goodbyes to her.

“Love you! See you tonight!”

Fluorescent lights flicker above you and a faint citrus from cleaning solution lingers in the air as you push open the doors to your lab room. Rows of benches stand in front of you each with stools tucked underneath, some already occupied. Jean is already inside, standing at a bench with his lab coat on and equipment set up neatly on the table. His eyes are focused down at an open book in front of him, a pen in hand as he skim reads the text. You smooth down the front of your own coat as you wind your way towards him, your lab guide and pencil case tucked in the crook of your elbow. His head turns in your direction when he hears your feet stopping next to him.

“Hey,” you say, setting down your things carefully. You offer him a warm smile and lift your hand in a hesitant wave. “How are you?”

He raises an eyebrow at you, lips pursed. There’s no humour in his eyes when he speaks, “You’re late.”

You frown, looking up at the clock on the wall above you. You’re right on time. “No, I’m not? Class hasn’t even started yet.”

He leans against the side of the bench with his body facing yours. Goosebumps raise the hair on your body when he looks you slowly up and down and crosses his arms in front of his chest. “We’re supposed to be here at least five minutes before to get set up.” His lips twist. “You’re lucky I’m here.”

It takes everything within you to not roll your eyes. A quick glance tells you that you’re definitely not the only one rocking up to class on the dot. Coming in early may technically be a rule for labs but it’s more of a suggestion than anything; no one actually takes that seriously. “I’m sure we’ll be fine,” you wave your hand dismissively. “I had to finish my drink before Levi would let me into the lab.”

Jean shakes his head, muttering under his breath as he takes a seat. You catch something about priorities as he turns away to look back down at the contents of today’s lab. You stick out your tongue at him as you pull out a stool to sit down. It seems Jean’s sour attitude has not gotten any better and you’re going to be stuck with this again for the next three hours.

Levi strides to the front of the room to begin the lab. “I trust you all read the pre reading for today’s class,” he begins, hands tucked in his pockets. “It’s an easy one today. We’re just running over the basics, looking at some slides in your microscopes and collecting some samples for you to analyse later.”

Beside you, Jean taps his pen against his paper softly. His pages are filled with underlines and annotations, unlike yours which are notably blank. He's wearing the same jeans and worn sneakers as Monday, but undeniably he looks good. His hair is loose and falling over his face, jaw clenched tight emphasising the sharp slope. His long legs rest under the bench, feet tapping on the ground, whereas yours dangle in the air, barely reaching. He catches your eye when you sneak a glance at him and his pen stills. He drops it down on the table and leans back, folding his arms in front of him, eyes on you as if in challenge. You turn your attention back to Levi, ears hot, hoping you don’t look as flushed as you feel. His eyes bore a hole into the side of your head and you can't ignore it, making you want to itch. Everyone around you starts moving when Levi announces the start of the lab and you perk up, eager to get started. In the corner of your eye, you see Jean move beside you.

“I’ve already got everything set up,” Jean says, getting up again, pointing at a microscope sitting on the bench.

“Thanks.”

“I’ll do the swabs, can you get the petri dishes ready?” He asks, pulling a tray of tubes and sterile equipment between the two of you.

“Sure,” you reply, happy to have something to do. You don’t necessarily like being told what to do, but it’s nice that for once you’re not the one that has to take charge and lead the way.

You work together in surprising harmony and the hours fly by with little trouble. The few words you do speak to each other are direct and to the point, instructions more than anything. Jean makes no effort to make any small talk and you decide to just give him the same energy back. If nothing else, it keeps you efficient, letting you finish with half an hour to spare. Even Levi seems surprised when he comes around to check on you, giving a quick nod and permission to leave early once you’ve cleaned up after yourselves. It’s a relief, since your lack of breakfast is starting to catch up on you, the one piece of toast from Mikasa doing little now to satisfy your otherwise empty stomach.

As you wipe down your bench, you clear your throat to get Jean’s attention. “So … we need to write a report on today’s lab. When do you want to meet up?”

Jean shrugs next to you, unplugging and packing away the microscope. “I don’t mind. How about tonight so we can do it while everything’s fresh?”

“That works for me,” you reply. “Might as well get it over and done with.”

He nods and closes his lab book. His name is written on the top corner of the cover in bold capital letters, the lines of the black ink sharp and jagged like a statement telling you “back off this book is mine!” It seems fitting, what with his standoffish attitude towards you. You’re afraid he might actually bite your head off if you dared to look at his notes.

“Meet at the library after we’re done with lectures? I’ll be done by four.” You suggest.

“After four’s good. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”

His reply is all the confirmation you need and your head nods in a quick acknowledgement as you pick up your things to leave.

“Okay, see you then.”

Today at 16:08

Jean Kirstein (bio guy): Hey, my lecture finished late. I’m heading to the library now. See you in 10 minutes. You: no worries! i’m here already You: im on the 3rd floor in one of the study rooms Jean Kirstein (bio guy): [👍 reacted to your message]

You place your phone back on the table. You’ve been in the library for the past hour, trying to make summary notes for the lectures you’ve had today. In reality, all you’ve been doing is killing time scrolling on social media while you wait until Jean is done. You sigh, opening up your word document again, side by side with the lecture slides. If you don’t get this done today, you’re going to regret it because you’re just going to fall behind with all the content and then you’ll never catch up. It's still only the first week of semester so you definitely can't afford to set the tone by slacking off already. You scroll through the notes you had taken during class and start adding the information you had missed, trying your best to write things in ways your future self will be able to understand.

The sound of the door opening makes you jump and you look up from your screen to see Jean walking in. Instinctively, your back straightens and you sit up in your seat, immediately on high alert with his presence. He nods his head at you in greeting, setting his bag down on the table. Something feels different about him compared to when you saw him earlier this morning and you realise this is the first time you’re seeing him without a jacket on. His black T shirt hugs his frame, a little tight in the arms, emphasising the muscles which flex when he reaches up to remove his headphones. He places them down next to his bag and runs a hand through his hair to let it fall back into place. The hem of his shirt raises to reveal just a sliver of his abdomen - smooth skin with a light dusting of hair in the centre. Without you even realising, your lips part ever so slightly as you watch him with wide eyes.

His voice breaks your trance. “Hey, sorry to keep you waiting.”

“It’s okay," you tell him, blinking innocently. "I’ve been here for the past hour anyway, just trying to finish my notes."

“Oh, nice,” he pulls out the chair next to you and takes a seat. “How was the rest of your day?”

You’re surprised. This is the first moment you can think of where Jean has asked you anything in order to get to know more about you. Could this be the start of a change in heart?

“It was long,” you groan, slumping forward on your chair with your chin resting in your palms. “I can’t believe it’s only the third day. I wish it was the holidays again.”

Jean tilts his head. His hair is tousled from the wind, strands framing his face, getting longer towards the back to graze the tops of his shoulders. He reaches into his bag, pulling out his laptop and lab guide. “What did you do during your break?”

Warmth fills you with his question. Maybe this really is the turning point in your brief acquaintanceship. You try not to let it show but you can feel the corners of your lips lift in a small smile as a flush warms your cheeks. “Nothing really! I went home to visit my family and just relaxed.” You fiddle with the edge of a sticker on your laptop. “How about you?”

Jean lets out an indifferent grunt. His eyes harden and his shoulders slump ever so slightly. “It was fine. I kept busy,” he says stiffly. He opens a new word document on his laptop and starts typing.

You want to ask him more. You want to know more about him - anything really, just a crumb would be enough to satisfy you but he’s giving you nothing. He gives no indication of wanting to continue this conversation and honestly, this hot and cold from him is really cramping your style. You shift around on your seat, sucking air between your teeth. God, could he be any less awkward?

“Let’s do this on google docs. I’ll share it with you. You can work on talking about which samples we chose today,” he says, cutting the silence.

You nod in response. “Okay.”

The tension is killing you. You don’t know how you’re possibly going to make it through this study session. It was different earlier in the lab because you had both been so preoccupied with your own tasks, only interacting when needed, but now that you actually have to work together and collaborate? The air is so thick you could cut it with a knife. The little angel on your shoulder tells you to be patient and stick it out, while the devil on the other side tells you to poke the bear and do whatever it takes to break the ice.

You try to concentrate on your screen so you can get started on this lab report but you’re too hyper aware of his presence next to you. You can barely even breathe, out of fear that the sound will be too loud, and you can’t sit still, the anxious energy overflowing from your limbs. A heavy sigh leaves you in a whoosh, your toes wriggling in your shoes and legs kicking restlessly under your seat. Your fingers come up to play with your necklace pendant, a family heirloom given to you by your father when you had started university. Although it’s normally your good luck charm, today it offers little comfort. Beside you, Jean’s fingers twitch from where they rest on his keyboard. One hand drops to his knee and slowly curls into a clenched fist. Your eyes flick up from following the movement to his face and you jolt at the way he’s scrutinising you. Soft lines crease his forehead as he furrows his eyebrows at you.

“Are you … okay?” He asks, flatly. It feels more like an insult to your character than a question of genuine concern.

You deflate, sinking into the back of your seat. Your hands find each other, twisting your fingers together to seek some comfort. The tension in the room is palpable; it’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop. “Yeah, sorry. It’s just a little awkward that’s all,” you try to say with a light laugh. It sounds fake to your own ears. “Maybe we should get to know each other a little, since we’re gonna be spending so much time together.”

Jean lets out a noncommital grunt. He leans forward to flick through his lab book, making an intentional effort to not meet your eyes. “I don’t see what the point is. It’s not like we’re friends.”

Your movements still. It’s another strike through the heart. You have honestly never been rejected from bare minimum human decency like this before. What the hell is wrong with this guy?

“Oh…” you say dejectedly. “Never mind then I guess.” You shake your head, turning back to your screen, lips curving down in a pout. The light tapping of your fingers on your keyboard fills the room as you start typing, wanting to appear busy. “Not like I wanted to be friends with you anyway,” you mutter under your breath.

You sense Jean stiffen beside you. Yikes, you hadn’t meant for him to overhear that.

He doesn’t say anything, instead just continuing to go from reading through his notes to typing on the document. You watch as his words pop up on the document, reading them as they appear. He’s definitely smart, or at least he writes well and he knows what he’s talking about. You’re no slouch either though. You straighten up. Fine, two can play at this game. If he wants this to be strictly business then so be it. The sooner you pump out this report, the sooner you can go home.

It doesn’t take long before the two of you are done. Barely half an hour passes before you’re sitting back, stretching out your arms, letting out a slight yawn. Jean scrolls through the pages, double checking your work. He seems satisfied, giving you the benefit of a quick nod before shutting his laptop. You follow his lead, closing your screen. You still haven’t finished your notes from before but you’re hungry and definitely in need of some dinner.

Jean studies the stickers scattered over the outside cover of your laptop, sacred memorabilia of all your favourite things. His eyes linger on the worn pictures and slogans and his mouth opens slightly, as if on the edge of saying something. You self consciously run your hand across them, feeling the familiar smooth edges.

“What are your plans for the rest of the night?” You ask him, your last attempt today to make some small talk.

“Nothing much. Might hit the gym then have dinner,” he responds.

“Oh cool,” you nod. “Yeah I’m gonna go home and eat something now too,” you tell him even though he doesn’t ask.

He looks at you. His eyes focus on yours, different shades of brown pooling together sucking you into their depth as he searches your eyes. The faintest hint of stubble graces his jaw, the early stages of a five o’clock shadow that hadn’t been there when you first met him. You’re reminded again how little you know about him despite the years you’ve shared as classmates. Is he normally clean shaven? What does he do in his spare time? Does he have friends? Why does he have it out for you? You try to shake off the thoughts. Classic overthinking. This is the last thing you need to be worried about. Like he said, the two of you aren’t friends and have no need to be anything more.

“Well, I better go now,” you say with a flourish as you get up. This is as much awkwardness as you can take for today. You can’t wait to go home and complain to Mikasa about how weird your interactions have been with Jean.

“Sure. Thanks for the good work today.” He says while unlocking his phone and scrolling through his notifications.

“Uh ... no problem. You too?” you drawl, making a face. Good work today? What is he - your boss? You get up and sling your bag over your shoulder. You lift your hand up in a small wave. “See you in class.”

His eyes follow you. The tips of his fingers lift in response, phone still in his hands. The corners of his mouth twitch up ever so slightly. “See you later.”

Shaking your head, you leave the room and close the door behind you. You quickly glance through the small window at Jean who hasn’t moved from looking down at his phone before turning away.

Man, what a weird guy.

you added bio guy to jean’s contact after he added his number just in case you forgot bc ur bad with names oops

jean is really a menace here im so sorry (am i?)

#jean x reader #jean kirstein #jean kirstein x reader #aot x reader #attack on titan #✎ . chloe wrote smth

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eneablack · 4 days

Note

im what, two days early for ur weekly motivation? who gives a shit i’m doing this bc it makes me happy and i know it makes u happy (THE ENERGY OF UR POSTS LITERALLT IS SO POSITIVE IT MAKES ME WANNA DO A FLIP)

BUT I LOVE U SM!! YOURE SUCH A COOL UNIVERSE TRAVELLER AND I HOPE I CAN MEET U ONE DAY IN PERSON!!!

i wanna personally invite u to a rlly cool wr i have planned (that i haven’t shifted to yet but i will soon LMFAO) AND LIKE GO THERE WHENEVER BC IT IS RLLT COOL!! it’s called the star and i rlly need to make a blog on it but 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ when i decide to it happens lmfao BUR I LOCE UR BLOG I LOVE UR CONTENT I LOCE UR LITTLE STORIES AND I LOVE U

thank u for keeping me and so many other people motivated to shift, and showing that shifting isn’t always something insane — there are things that ground us and keep us feeling like normal, ig is how i would describe it

what i mean is when u tell us abt ur shifting life u make it seem soooo casual, like going on a walk, and that makes it so much more like — real i guess?? like it makes shifting feel like sunscreen (wow weird analogy)

i rlly hope we can stay in contact in so many realities bc it would b so so so so so sooooo fun and ur personality and energy is js AMAZING!! i truly wish and hope the best for you, and it is clear the universe has its eye on you. there are always so many positive energies and spirits surrounding you, and i can feel it rn.

you are protected more than you think, and you’re going down the right path. “don’t be surprised if everything js starts making sense” is what i just heard, and they won’t elaborate so thanks spirit 😭💀💀

ANYWAYS I LOVE U LEMME STOP RAMBLING AND SAVE SOME SHIT FOR NEXT WEEK‼️‼️

no but like receiving these levels of affection is doing something to me.. just know the feelings are reciprocated, even though i might seem too stiff.

you should definitely tell me more about that wr you’re talking about, no if or no buts, i already said that i love waiting rooms, and if i’m invited too.. hell yeah. so please let’s meet there, alright?

i’m so glad my blog is useful in giving you and other people motivation, and i’m happy it is giving the thought that it feels normal, because it is. i don’t know for how much longer i will post on this account, but i hope it will last long together with the people i know here (i don’t have anyone close but i love my mutuals), because not just for you but it gives motivation to myself as well, to remember that i can do anything. and so can you, of course.

i wasn’t prepared for you saying that the universe has its eye on me and that i’m more protected than i think. it’s truly reassuring because lately i’ve been struggling with paranoia (i won’t talk in deep here because its another topic) and i feel like i’m unconsciously attracting bad energies/entities because of my nonsense fears and anxieties. so thank you so much really, i mean it, i’m actually already feeling better.

anyway, i joke and stuff but i really do appreciate all the kind words you always say to me. i don’t have many friends (and the few i have are only online like you) so it means a lot to me to talk and know someone with this kind of positive energy.

#reality shifting #shifting #shifting realities #desired reality #shifted

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