#im trying so hard to distract myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

femme-malewife · 1 year

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😶‍🌫️hm.

#im trying so hard to distract myself #im blasting music in my ears to the point i might end up with tinnitus one day #im replaying some of my favorite songs #im playing my comfort songs #but im ngl im still a bit nervous #the urge to just grab my pocket knife and just. slit my wrist open where a major artery is or smthin or down a bunch of pills is SO strong #im tired of living. im tired of suffering everyday and being too scared to message anyone abt it bc i hate bothering people #not to mention when i finally DO have the guts to msg someone theyre already going through sht and i dont wanna put more on them #its not the first and it wont be the last time that i have the urge to just fuckign kill myself but.#i genuinely just dont see the point in me living.#people on here only see the brighter sides of me bc i only post the best of my days usually #but ive been in an abusive relationship. i have religious trauma. i have trauma from when i was a child that gave me ptsd.#i have serious depression. and i cant even take anti depressants because im on seizure meds.#life has always been nothing but shit and im sick of trying to be positive for everyone only to be called all sorts of names and abandoned #idk. maybe dying really wont be so bad. maybe it wont be painful. i dont know. i really dont.#im typing everything here bc i dont want to post this openly and ik 99.9% of people dont read my tags anyway so its...a nice way of venting #i think.

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butchviking · 10 months

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its fine to think women are making bad choices. i think the problem is when ppl get angry at them about it. go get angry at a man instead

#im trying so hard to stay out of it im trying SOOOO hard to stay out of it.#radblr isnt real and it cant hurt me. ironically i will go look at images of the little men in my phone to distract myself

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actual-changeling · 10 months

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y'all wanna see a fun little parallel between the show and part 2? yes? good.

we all know joel's panic attack from the start of episode 6, and it also shows us that he tends to press his hand against his chest, probably rubbing small circles to encourage his lungs to open up so he can breathe.

well.

ellie does the exact same thing in part 2. several times, actually. every single time she has a panic attack, her hand goes to her chest and she does the same motion joel does in the show.

a little side by side just to really emphasize the pain because boy i sure as hell feel it.

#alex talks tlou #tlou #the last of us #joel and ellie #joel miller #ellie williams #tlou game #tlou parallels #tlou part 2 #im trying to distract myself from my own pain so hard i end up with tlou pain again #doing great friends #i could write a whole 40 page essay on the parallels between part 2 and season 1 alone let alone the first game

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hybridkilljoys · 8 months

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I've been an absolute emotional wreck since last night due to my narcissist father making me feel less than human so can i..........ask for some reassurance that i'm not an absolute failure of a human being

or pictures of your cats, that would help a lot too

#its been months of dealing with his abuse and last night it left me feeling worse than ever and i am just #really exhausted and mentally broken rn #and i hate asking for reassurance because I always feel like a bother and I should just deal with shit myself until it passes #but when i say last night was bad it was bad and i feel like i am not even meant to be alive that is how that man made me feel #so i just wanna be selfish this one time #and ask for spare kindness because i could really use it right now because my feelings arent going away #no matter how hard im trying to distract myself today and i dont have the strenght to stay like this for a week or more #so yeah #gomen for rambling in the tags im just really #idfk embarrassed and ashamed i dont like asking for help i feel dumb even tho i know its not dumb but yeah #txt

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lottieurl · 26 days

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#im curious cause. ive had a migraine for 6 out of the last 9 days and i just cannot fcking read #to be fair i cant watch a movie or a show rly either #if i cant sleep or im bored at work and IN PAIN i just try to distract myself with mindless youtube entertainment #its just like... hard to focus?#cause its pain level that doesnt let me forget im IN PAIN so trying to escape into a fictional world just doesnt work

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thebirdandhersong · 1 year

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hey will be off tumblr for the rest of the week - things are Happening again and my head feels ready to explode.........would really appreciate prayer again. I'm constantly feeling like I'm on the brink of something (I don't KNOW what) terrible and I need to figure things out without before my body really DOES decide to shut down from the stress and the strange depressive dread that has been very difficult to shake this month. I would like to not feel like crying or throwing up at certain points in the day and also would like to not be so exhausted in the heart and mind area so that I can actually deal with these things. Especially since finals are looming ahead

#wish i had my support network but what with all my friends being so busy #with school work engagements marriage pregnancies housing issues #and my priests both up to their ears in work and all my older sister figures #having issues and more important things to deal with and my family being one of the sources of high stress #i dont have anyone to talk to or go to at the moment #so i need to figure that out before i have another health crisis because my body's starting to give up on me #(again)#on top of that there needs to be planning in place for the summer and next fall and graduation #i just want to stick my head in the ground like an ostrich and stay there!!!! instead of wading through this mess during midterm season #and having to start finals the WEEK after midterms end #complaining again sorry #i am so tired and trying to be cheerful/distracting myself only lasts a few hours #im trying. i promise im trying. but the world seems rather bleak right now #and it is very hard not to feel so very alone #anyway i love you all and i'll see you soon

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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months

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The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there #im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold #at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire #theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade #of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about #the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc #its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a #metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm #just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long #sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone #its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it #everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much #damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i #collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells #me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my #wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im #excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it #feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun #is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's #what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy #but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire #unrelated #hm i should maybe add a tw to this #tw self injury #but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life #but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it

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clits-and-clips · 2 months

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kyuala · 8 months

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#tmi but i've been trying to consume less fanfiction so i dont always resort to escapism and fantasy when real life gets tough but #it's so fucking hard #like i feel so alone w no one to talk to rn and everything is so hard and im having family trouble and the past few weeks have been awful #and allllll i wanna do is read and fantasize abt how ppl from the other side of the world who dont even know i exist would comfort me #or distract myself w other scenarios that will literally never happen n all it does is feed into my discontentment when real life is a bitch #and inevitably fails to match imagination #not only that but it also has a real effect on my real life relationships (or attempts at them) and i know i cant keep going like this #but as someone who's been an avid fanfiction reader for over a decade.... yea it's hard 🤡#this is not a pity party or a cry for help btw i just wanted to get this out and needed to dump it somewhere #feel free to ignore it! or not idk! do what u want #mari.txt #personal #tw negative

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crimeronan · 1 year

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alright chronically ill followers (or anyone else with similar experience) help me out. what do you guys do when you're too fucked up to get out of bed and in too much pain to do your usual hobbies but also in too much pain to be on social media bc your threshold for irritation is low. rec me your mindless phone games or engaging-but-low-stakes youtube channels or whatever else you do to cope, i am Fucked Up right now.

#inflammation is back to a level where i either need to distract or kill myself immediately #dragged myself into the bathroom midway thru writing this post so im take a bath #i guess maybe i can try to watch more yellowjackets but it's REALLY hard to focus on anything right now #you know like when you turn the radio down to concentrate better on driving. my pain radio is turned all the way up with thr bass boosted #autoimmune tag

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ghoulfr13nd · 9 months

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immmm really. not great rn

#im so tired #i dont know who to talk to #i tried distracting myself but it’s not really working #everything feels so dull #i hate my job. i’m tired. i want to go home #i’m at home. but. idk #it doesn’t feel like enough #idk what to do #i really seriously thought about just straight up quitting today #i just. feel so empty. and drained #i’m either stressed or i’m angry #but rn i just feel. like. white noise ig?#and i have been trying very hard to grasp onto anything #but nothing is really. doing it for me #haha anyway how is everyone else

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c0rpseattack · 1 month

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i have a flare up and a bad headache -_- on another note, does ANYONE have any good youtube videos about petscop?? that provide nuanced yet understandable breakdowns of all it's subject matter/story/themes? if not videos, any other sort of media that explains it well? ive always had a fascination with it since im the internet horror guy but never could really wrap my head around it even after multiple watchthroughs (it happens a lot with a lot of media. im pretty sure it has something to do with the way iprocess information in general lol)

#i want to be more involved with internet horror without the youtube barrier in between. youtube is very helpful ofc but even my favorite #creators cant go super in depth the way i want alot of the times #ALSO if anyone has recommendations for good takes on welcome home i would also really love that ..!! i was going to rant about it a long #time ago when it first dropped but i have such a hard time engaging with things that amass such a huge fanbase so quickly 😭 which is such a #shame bc i was so excited when it first came out... still am! as much as i can be. its so my thing #i know for internet horror you have to be in discords and reddit and styff but eudhehs . ill get there when i get there lol . recs for #stuff like that is also appreciated #man the tags r long sorry lol. things arent great over here so im trying to distract myself .#incubus.txt

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quasieli · 1 year

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Guess it's just gonna be another day of getting pissed off and upset by things my father has said to me 🙃🙃