#i genuinely just dont see the point in me living. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

femme-malewife · 1 year

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😶‍🌫️hm.

#im trying so hard to distract myself #im blasting music in my ears to the point i might end up with tinnitus one day #im replaying some of my favorite songs #im playing my comfort songs #but im ngl im still a bit nervous #the urge to just grab my pocket knife and just. slit my wrist open where a major artery is or smthin or down a bunch of pills is SO strong #im tired of living. im tired of suffering everyday and being too scared to message anyone abt it bc i hate bothering people #not to mention when i finally DO have the guts to msg someone theyre already going through sht and i dont wanna put more on them #its not the first and it wont be the last time that i have the urge to just fuckign kill myself but.#i genuinely just dont see the point in me living.#people on here only see the brighter sides of me bc i only post the best of my days usually #but ive been in an abusive relationship. i have religious trauma. i have trauma from when i was a child that gave me ptsd.#i have serious depression. and i cant even take anti depressants because im on seizure meds.#life has always been nothing but shit and im sick of trying to be positive for everyone only to be called all sorts of names and abandoned #idk. maybe dying really wont be so bad. maybe it wont be painful. i dont know. i really dont.#im typing everything here bc i dont want to post this openly and ik 99.9% of people dont read my tags anyway so its...a nice way of venting #i think.

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dullahandyke · 2 years

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You guys keep falling for people going 'lol you're identifying the wrong way' wrt queer identities so I made you a flow chart

Is your anger against this label because it facilitates genuine harm towards others (eg. MAPs)? Godspeed and good luck to you.

Is your anger against this label because it is Using The Label Wrong and doesn't gel with your personal definition for this label (eg. MOGAI, bi lesbians, lesboys)? I'm sorry, but there's always gonna be people who identify in ways that you disagree with, and with something as intangible as queer identity, their stance has as much merit as your own. If you get ticked seeing someone IDing as both homosexual and bisexual, ask yourself if they're genuinely hurting anyone, and if not, let them be. You will never know the intricacies of someone else's identity, and if that's how they choose to define themselves, well, tough shit.

#like i id as both mspec and lesbian bcos i am genuinely unsure where the line is in my experiences #or if i even wanna draw the line #btw this isnt some holier-than-thou I Know Better thing this is also a reminder for myself #its been years and im still working on not reacting with vitriol when an american has irish heritage so they id as irish #like you do genuinely have to ask yourself 'what do i stand to gain from isolating myself from these people who want to bond with me'#and like its EASY to go 'i hate irish americans acting like they know ireland waheyyy fuck the yanks'#'theyre not even from here they dont know what ireland is like theyre not irelanders'#but at some point i realised that man. this just feels mean. i dont like this #irelands identity is based upon the people who live on the land. not the land the people live on #according to myth the first settlers werent the celts and they died out long ago and yet theyre still irish #and hearing someone discussing that myth go 'i think its wonderful that so many people share a heritage and appreciation for ireland'#'there are people in america and asia and africa who all have a claim to being irish'#'and acknowledging that is an important part to being irish'#and i thought man i WOULD like to acknowledge that it sounds nice #so when i see plastic paddy irish americans i Keep My Fucking Mouth Shut!#this is a memory but its also a metaphor for the queer community. hashtag words

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soupkiddo · 2 months

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tried to put myself in the headspace of a transphobe and got pissed off cus it's so fucking stupid

#genuinely i have no fucking idea how people get so up their own ass about other peoples business #you dont like it? it makes you uncomfortable? tough shit buddy thats life #i see dogshit on the sidewalk and it makes me feel gross. but im not going to make hating dogshit my entire personality #im not gonna fucking ban dogs because i dont want to look at dogshit #im not gonna follow people home when they dont clean up after their dogs #ill get pissed about it in the moment sure. i wish people would clean up after their dogs. but its not going to consume the rest of my day #being uncomfortable and not liking things is a part of the human experience baby!!!!#trying to get rid of every little thing that makes you uncomfortable defeats the point of being alive!!!#you just wanna stay in your little bubble?? scared of anyone who doesnt fit your narrow view of what a person should be??#that sounds so fucking sad #nothing new nothing exciting #just straight cis white folks living their straight cis white lives #AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HOW FUCKING STUPID RACISM IS HOLY SHIT #there is an entire world of different people with different cultures and experiences and art and foods and you dont want any part of it???#because somebody spoke in spanish and you didnt understand them #the world does not revolve around you #people should not have to sacrifice their identity for your comfort #literally just mind your own business. someones elses gender is not your business.#terfs eat shit and die

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oatbugs · 1 year

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i feel conflicted abt my relationship...need advice etc . in tags . pls i need input sm

#i love my gf a lot and i think our relationship is doing rly good rn . i miss her a lot bc im in a diff country to her but ill see her #in a few weeks etc. anyway things are good....HOWERVER. i am worried abt . our future #like u are supposed to live in the moment and have fun and be young etc etc but this is like..the fact that its going well #is making me consider how our life paths would go tgth and if it would be fair to stay in a relationship u know wont work forever. like #this was one of the reasons why i felt hesitant at first etc. basically i swore to myself i would only date an academic or at least someone #who like. has. A Thing. that they are working towards that they are rly rly passionate abt. bc i thought it just wouldnt work out otherwise #and it seemed after a while of talking that she IS like that...shes applying for a graphic design degree and she seems to genuinely #love art etc so much and also she is amazing at it. HOWRVER...she hasnt drawn in a while #and is working a min wage job despite meaning to quit for ages...and as far as im aware #she still hasnt made a portfolio...etc etc. but im so confused bc like...shes great and ik she can do it i just dont #understand why she wont. she could also get an internship etc in the relevant field but i still dont get it...and its not my place to be #pushy abt it. like i already suggested these things and asked abt them but i dont want to ask any more bc like. its her choice #what she does w her life etc. but anyway its like...am i being pessimistic/impatient and everything is gonna #go well for her or do i hold genuine concerns. and if the latter/both potentially...is it unfair to be like #hey babe ik things are amazing rn but we have to reevaluate bc idk if in 10 yrs i would be happy w where we are #my friend was like. Break Up W Her from the beginning bc he thinks u shouldn't get into a relationship w smn whom you think will not also #elevate u in some way..and ur life paths dont align etc...but he is genuinely married to his academics like hes sworn off #love so i didnt rly listen bc hes rly extreme w his. love gets in the way of academics. etc #but also his point was valid i think? that you want the person u spend ur life w to elevate you. u want them to challenge you and make you #want to work harder and be better and achieve more and more...and i do want that and i have been trying to be that for them #but A) i can only be that to a reasonable extent for them before it starts being like nagging/being pushy and #B) i feel like if they end up going the way they are rn they can never be that for me. is that bad #like am i a horrible person for thinking this way. obviously i am not casting a moral judgement on her or anyone #for whatever path in life they choose to go down but also is it like...Silly to give up on a perfectly good #relationship bc ur like. as it stands i do not see you walking alongside me in 10 yrs etc #like im lich rally 20 . but what if it DOES end up going rly well and it DOES end up being thr case that we end up staying together #and then im like. feeling discouraged bc my partner in life is just not the kind of person i imagined being w when i was 19 or 20...#like in terms of careers etc. more importantly is this a discussion i should have w her . bc i literally do not know how to raise this #without sounding like a dick but is that bc i...am being a dick? is this a bad thing ?? is this thought not that of a good person ?#it sounds so WEIRD to be like hey babe either u have to start being more ambitious and insane abt ur art or i might break up w you. like :/

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nagitoedit · 5 months

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looking at some of these people online are making me think it should be legal and even encouraged for me to kill these people with hammers.

#i dont even know how to insult these people like at this point i just straight up think they dont deserve life LAWL #like. look in the comments on most instagram videos and tell me there is no such thing as a worthless human #someone has an exotic cat breed and in the video says that they would not recommend this cat breed to Anyone because #this cat is very high maintenance and constantly begs to be left outside and shows some clips on this guy walking the cat on a leash #in an obviously urban area and the comments are like 'i live on a farm and i always let my cats outside youre cruel for locking her up'#and this person is having to explain a trillion times that if they let her off leash outside that She Will Be Stolen.#justoh my god. did you not see where this guy lives ?? she will either get hit by a car drink antifreeze or get stolen. what even #and thats just a milder example of someone whos just kinda willfully ignorant and stupid. there is sososo much worse stuff #i cant even begin to explain just how much i want these people to get dropped in the middle of the pacific ocean and left to die #i just genuinely dont think there is hope for these people to be honest like. theres just no way to describe them other than stupid #but its worse than stupid its worse than willful ignorance it has to be at this point just some kind of purposeful pure malice #towards the concept of humanity . there is just no way to get that stupid and deeply genuinely maliciously ignorant on accident #i feel like there is just. genuine unintended ignorance and then theres just pure malice. honestly even if it isnt the effect is the same #i think they should get killed with hammers

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albatris · 2 years

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also would anyone be interested in a tarot reading for their wip/ocs......? 👀

#I'm. getting back into it! yeehaw #out of practice and also nervous abt reading for others in general #hence why we play a fun little oc game instead hahahahaha #just for fun? like. ppl send me names/pronouns of their ocs n i do a reading for The Vibe #or you can ask me a question about your wip or character you're stuck on and I'll see if i can point u in the right direction through #some mystical bullshit (prety cards)#idk I'm open to whatever basically. just not reading about peoples Real Actual Lives unless we have a genuine discussion beforehand #fjfjddkdkdks #idk i did this ages ago with my wtnv decks and it was super fun but also exhausting #I would be using the alleymans tarot this time i think #anyway this is all ~hypothetical~ unless you wanna 👀#its just for fun pls dont take it too seriously!! i cant guarantee I'll be accurate #sometimes i am frighteningly accurate! but idk how or why that happens. i maintain idk what I'm doing at any time #i am simply the vessel for nonsense #my point is. I'm not a professional LMAO

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dizzybevvie · 9 months

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my uncle: (calls me the R word) (comes to my house exclusively to infodump to me about horror games)

#im not gonna discuss the morality of the r word rn i dont have the energy. yes he shouldnt be calling me it. no im not offended. move on #Idk.#[whenever i refwr to my uncle i mean my aunt's partner btw.]#Ive been staying at my aunts house for the last 2 weeks bc she lives right next to where i have work experience #and ive been staying mostly in the room i sleep in purely bc im tired and my social battery is low #but usually whenever I stay over here we watch movies or play horror games or just generally talk #and hes not an emotional person but apparently hes like... genuinely worried/upset/disappointed about it #like 'does she not want to spend time with me anymore?'#and that has me emotional because hes the only family member i have that shares some of my interests and takes care to understand them #he took me to Jurassic world exhibition and Dominion because I love dinosaurs #He took me to see across the spiderverse and pirated it for me when i expressed how much i loved it #He sat down and flipped through my dnd player's handbook and asked me about it #and no other adult in my life does that it means so much to me #he listens to me infodump about httyd and talks about Spiderman with me #And infodumps back (silent hill/resident evil/music)#and the idea that he thinks i dont want to spend time with him makes me so sad #Hes the male parental figure ive wanted my entire life and he doesnt think i care. devastated.#NFKSNSJSBS #should i even post thjs at thjs point.#eh too late noe #oversharing on main #rant #vent #kinda #beverly says stuff

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orcelito · 11 months

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ok i watched episode 16 of trigun 98 and i have a Few Thoughts, but the biggest ones are:

HE PISSSED ON THE MOOOOOON

&

Is This Some Sort Of Twisted Christian Science?

no joke i had to pause the video for the twisted christian science thing bc i was laughing so fucking hard i was nearly choking. thanks, rai-dei

& of course the Moon Beam which was expected. what WASNT expected was the fact that Legato caused it instead of Knives. but knowing what happened in chapter 32 of trimax, it's not entirely out of the realm of the manga's canon either. but i Am sad about how we didnt get to see the #Looks both Vash and Knives served in the fifth moon incident in the manga. man.

interesting implications all around. im wondering where the Fuck knives is, bc we saw in the manga that he was regenerating, but now it's like. where tf is he, actually? we've only gotten snapshots of him so far. the briefest of thoughts. episode 16 and we're only just now getting direct confirmation that Vash is VERY not human (plus a confirmation that July was set 23 years ago in the anime, which is an added weirdness for new watchers who dont know about him being functionally immortal)

preview of the next episode shows that it's Backstory Episode. im done watching for today but im looking forward to seeing what the anime sets for that

#speculation nation #fanny watches trigun #trigun spoilers/#still laughing at the twisted christian science. it's like. honestly? he's not that far off #considering the plants are like. angelic in nature. and also genetically engineered beings.#which that sure sounds like some twisted christian science to me!#love that this is the first time we actually see wolfwood kill someone too #all the times we've seen him before this in the anime he's spared ppl bc Vash was there #but he just shot rai-dei no problem. kablammo #a lil sad it's not accompanied by the vashwood argument & iconic gun to head moment. but ya win some ya lose some i guess #overall im watching this without expectations of it following what im familiar with in the manga #for the original manga it was taking the events and shuffling them around Anyways #and now that we're beyond the original manga. all bets are off. i have no idea where things are going from here on.#im genuinely pretty surprised by the fact that they changed the location of the fifth moon incident #like why move it to Augusta instead of Jeneora? Augusta is Not Close to Jeneora either #a good 1000km if im remembering right. quite a ways to travel.#it's interesting to see the view of Augusta. bc i dont think it's shown in the manga. hmm #this makes me wonder where the fuck Lina & Sheryl are living. bc it's not May city and it's not Augusta. but it's close to Jeneora #Jeneora is the way point between May and Augusta. that's stated in the manga.#but if it's not Augusta and it's not May. where is it? some random tiny town that happens to be by Jeneora?#idk. many questions. the anime is only making my idea of geography in this damned manga even more convoluted #i do really need to put together that official resource for myself for notes on locations. ive been idly collecting things for this purpose #bits here and there. any mentions of locations. and there are so many. but so few definite facts for where any of this is #oh trigun why must you be so convoluted... why couldnt we get a fucking MAP... and no im not counting tristamp's map #theyve changed shit anyways. i want to know where shit is in the MANGA ok #many thoughts. i am so frustrated by geography. Trying My Best Here lsjdflskdjfdkjfs

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toastsnaffler · 1 year

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istg one of these days.......

#ya know that post thats like texting lesbians: its throw bowling balls down the stairs day u better be game #one of my fave posts ever in the world #anyway my lesbian flatmate texts like the straight female friend part of that post and i love her but its killing me #its endearing but its so hard not to read it as flirty stoppitttt im already dedicating so much work to repressing this little crush 😭#ALSO THAT POST THATS LIKE FLIRTING W GIRLS WILL HAVE U ADDING :3 TO UR TEXTS literally so true but I dont think she means it like that 😭😭#like she talks to everyone that way I remember when I first met her me + my ex spent ages trying to work out if she was gay #bc we were so sure she had a gay vibe but every text felt like it was pointing the other way..... the vindication when I found out she WAS #anyway my resolve weakens with every 😘 emoji like im already thinking abt it dont give me any more ideas !!!!#its not even embarrassing anymore like how am i supposed to exist near someone like her WITHOUT ever having a gay thought #so im not sorry if she sees this. i take rejection like a champ dont be shy #but genuinely tho i dont think shes interested shes just cute like that. and idw make things weird cuz we're still living together next yr #itd be suchh a pain if i made things awkward right when we need to find a place. and anyway my best case is our 3rd flatmates WORST #i wouldnt do that to him god forbid #buuuut...... nope ok enough of that im going back to bed its almost 1am #this is what HAPPENS when u have insomnia tuning into the crazy radio every night #need to get onto dating apps and find smth new to distract me before this gets out of hand....... buttttt i dont want to >:|#its ok my patience is infinite i like playing the long game. i was into my ex for 2 and a half years before i made any moves #i can wait this one out too either itll happen eventually or itll pass. we're good #ok thats GOODNIGHT from me if u read this far wow ur nosy arent u...... jk ily sleep well everyone #muah all round #.diaries

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ironmanstan · 1 year

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I cannot read people actually talking ab american psycho bc anyone actually invested into it has a 75% chance of subscribing to like 2 of the three readings of it that are wrong

#i deleted one of them out of my head but the whole ooiuhhohi he doesnt actually kill people paul allen is alive hes hallucinatinggg #the whole thing is a commentary on how the peak of the 'american dream' requires you to fill a mold society expects #kill all individuality. deny age for the sake of youth. ignore horrific actions to maintain the status quo.#batemans whole character IN THE MOVIE is him like very much living in a hell of doing these things not bc its innate #but because he sees these things as what society expects and thus he should aspire and want for them #he doesnt kill paul bc he wants or needs more money or even that he feels threatened. hes comfortable #its entirely hes so so caught up in society and the ideals pushed by that society that he overly acts to achieve them as much as possible #so he kills him bc he recognizes hes doing better than him #the paul allen is alive thing is to hit home a point on this #bc the whole movie everyone treats bateman like hes crazy and cares way too much #and then paul being 'alive' hits that home extra bc he IS caring too much. bc everyone is so numb to whats going on around them #they dont even realize they havent seen paul. they mix up people throughout the movie constantly even tho supposedly theyre close?#its bc everyone looks the same to them . nobody stands out and they all fit this same mold. theyre all the same person #bateman realizes everything hes done 1. doesnt matter bc nobody cares and 2. it never will matter and he could snap and it wouldnt matter #bc nobody would notice or care in their society blind to each other #even then the only person who genuinely ever sees him for the monster he is is the hooker he chases in those few scenes wjth her #anyway #idk why it makes me mad it just does #the gamer speaks uwu #also the directors or somethjng said hes actually for real killing people so.

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piplupod · 1 year

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today is absolute garbage but i am going to try to do some painting on my project nonetheless, doing my best to attempt to claw my way out of the suicidality goop

#funny how ppl are like ''stay alive for xyz things!'' and that doesnt work for me #like sorry but that is not making up for all the dogshit I've got going on dbdjdl it doesnt come anywhere close to balancing out the scales #if i am staying alive it is entirely my choice made out of stubbornness and occasionally spite #only reason i havent offed myself yet is bc i dont want to hurt people (even that doesnt convince me sometimes) and-#-i can always do it tomorrow. like why not just stick around until things get truly too fucked up to keep going #I'll make art while im around and hopefully leave behind some kind of positive mark on the world fjfkdl #also fucking... jack stauber's ''dinner is not over''#like yeah dinner isnt over yet. and it wont be until i cant stand another bite. and then i can have dessert. gotta wait til dinner is done!#like do i see there being any way for me to exist in the world? no djdksl not at all #i cant work and disability is not livable and theres no disability housing available rn so fbfjdl its not realistic #but im going to stick around until i get to the point where it isnt feasible to be around anymore dhfksl #and if the situation changes for the better then great I'll keep trucking along #but i genuinely dont think im making it to like... 30. 25 is iffy. 23 is fuzzy. its just not realistic with how society is set up currently #but! doesnt matter! just working with what i have in the present and I'll just keep trucking until i cant anymore dbfjdl #suicide tw #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #sorry this is wildly mentally ill but i am just kind of ... hoping maybe it'll help someone else #all i see for suicide prevention is ''you have so much to live for!'' and that doesnt rly help ppl in my situation #i KNOW I've got a lot to live for but it's simply not realistic nor does it make up for the fact that life is utter dogshit dhdjdl #so i just try to approach it from an angle of almost like... not caring #like I'll keep doing what i can until things get too hard and then I'll take my leave 🤷 sticking around until then!

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snekdood · 1 year

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id love to be able to have more hope in my life like you guys think people are supposed to but thats pretty hard when theres people who want believe the worst thing about me no matter how true it even is

#maybe if you came up to me and admitted you believed dumb shit and were sorry that'd be one thing but like #yall dont care about victims lol #so why would you care about my mental wellbeing anyways #idk i wonder why the guy who sought refuge in progressive spaces since they pretend to care about rape victims might feel hopeless with #the 0 support hes getting #give me a reason theres good in the world or prove to me you're just as self absorbed as everyone else #and only care about shit if it directs you personally #if it directly effects you*#otherwise the worlds apparently your playground where you get to point at whoever and decide they're either 100% toxic or not #and its just this fun lil game of black and white for you rather than there being real people with lives invovled #i hate everyone on this site and the only reason a lot of yall are 'progressive' is for your own self interest #like you genuinely only care bc shit effects you. thats prolly why plenty of yall refuse to see trans men as oppressed #bc the shit we go through doesnt directly effect you and thats how you'd probably normally act if you weren't trans/non binary 🤷#aka a transphobe #prove me wrong or ill just keep going on about my life believing this bc quite frankly its the most true feeling thing ever #bc from my angle yall are some of the most selfish people.

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foxcassius · 2 years

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as i look at job listings here in korea, i cant help but still dream of that private lesson life. like, every job here will still expect you to teach 6 classes a day 5 days a week, for like a maximum wage of 2.4 million won per month. i could make twice that teaching that many classes in a private lesson setting, and i could easily make the SAME wage and just work less (ideal scenario)

#last night jiwon asked me like a million (imo unfair) questions about america and its society and why it succeeded #(unfair bc i just genuinely cant give definitive answers aside from 'it succeeded economically thanks to slavery')#and i was like 'you ask me sometimes why i dont want to move back to america and there are so many reasons and its hard to put into words'#'but one of them is that the work culture is so gross to be in and people still feel trapped in their jobs and there's no freedom to it'#and he was like 'korea is the same way it's just that i'm a specialist and you are foreigner who speaks english as a mother tongue'#'so i am inherently privileged out of genuine poverty by way of my degree and you are as well by way of being the class of foreign worker #you are. so korea has the same kind of trap for ''lower class'' people when it comes to work its just that you arent seeing it due to #your own status and my status as the main korean national whose life you are privvy to'#and i was like yes. i am aware of this. i am perfectly aware of how much poverty there is in korea and that not everyone lives as we do.#and i'm also perfectly aware of the fact that i would lose visa status and be sent back to my home country before i had any chance to #experience korean poverty. it sometimes feels like when he asks me why i dont want to go back to america he forces me to state One (1)#reason why and then takes that one reason and is like 'korea is like that too' which for starters I Know. because he refuses to acknowledge #this but korea is heavily controlled and influenced by the usa im not gonna get into that right now but I Know the similarities in many way #s between the usa and korea. secondly there are Many reasons why i wont be going back to the usa not the least of which is that #jiwon and i intend to get married and he doesnt intend to leave korea so its all a moot point anyway and idk why he keeps bringing it up #he wants to stay in korea and i wouldnt choose to move back to america so idk why he keeps like forcing me to explain myself on reason at a #time and like turn it around is trying to make me want to leave like. let it rest king i am so tired of talking about american politics #at 12 am especially bc sometimes he wants to have an argument abt it and im like Neither Of Us Is Educated Enough To Have This Conversation #i have my own lived experiences and a small amount of specific research. he has whatever they teach in school here abt america + some #internet readings. neither of us is qualified to sit and talk about this #it just feels like sometimes i'll be like 'america is a suffocating capitalist hellscape where kids get shot at school' and he's like #'well korea is also bad' and im like yeah no shit everywhere is bad everywhere is a capitalist hellscape the us has its hands in korea's #government and economy. but at least here i have a job with a decent salary and You so.#anyway. long rambling tags over. <3 #t

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thefunniestguy · 2 years

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OUGH

#vent #vent in tags #i genuinely wish so badly that i could go back just . 2 years w the knowledge i have now #current living situations are bad and im not being dramatic when i say that ONE decision made everything the way it is today (not good)#i dont care if id have to go through any of the bad days again - i would relive every single one of the bad days from these 2 years #if it meant i could change that ONE thing . im not even sure i could convince my family not to do it but id do anything to just TRY #ough deja vu doesnt help wh #anyway YEAH looking back at old pictures i donot care about any 'good' that came from it bc the bad is so much worse #i dont even care if i learn a lesson from this. i HAVE but its a lesson i already knew and didnt need to 'learn the hard way'#its stupid but . at this point my little brain is practically wishing on stars and wish fountains /hj #i just wanna . start over . start this point of my life over . rewrite this certain chapter yk #theres a lot i wouldnt do different but . those little things that had a negative domino effect yk ?#i know theres no going back seeing as my life isnt a movie so . i know i just have to move on and do what i can but #the frustrating part is theres so little that i can do . no matter how hard i try nothing i do to try and help this is even worthwhile #GRRRR and if i said the reason then it would sound ridiculous and dumb so im not gonna say but its genuinely not ridiculous and dumb to me #ive got one year until i can attempt to put this behind me but hhhhh ill feel bad bc im also leaving the people i actually care for behind #imean my friends are fine off- this doesnt affect them- but ive spent all my life trying to protect my mom and sister anddd #i wont be there to protect them #HHHHHHHHHHhhhh

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i-deserve-to-bite · 13 days

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#i dont understand the point of anything right now #i like the textures my head hurts and i dont know how i feel #i think im bitter angry guilty and shameful #i think i just need something to devote to then ill feel better but lately its been very #ouchie #ive been awfully emotional #and very attentionsseeking i think?#i dont know. i judt know its awful #i wish i could dissapear from here but that leads to bad stuff and i really dont want them to take me #shudder awful awful #i wish i could remember #it's weird seeing old stuff we wrote #i wish i was dead because then i wouldn't be scared and i would be gone and safe i wouldn't need to feel all of this awful stuff #if i tried i might ruin everything and agh #i don't actually want to die as much as I've been thinking about it #I'm just not content with what's going on #either way i have to live #gah. I'm so tired of it all though.#my birthday is soon and I'm scared and i want this school year to be over already #i will never thrive in this school no matter how much effort i put in i have tried so hard but #I'm just so tired #i plan on taking the GED when possible #i don't think I'll win with anything and i feel i should give up #i am trying to drown out emotions with random things but i genuinely don't know how that's working and also #i want to scream #i don't know or understand anything

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waywardsalt · 29 days

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:3

#some tag rambles bc im having a bunch of loz thoughts to hey why not do a short lived tag ramble #starting with the bad i have thought more on how i feel totk fucked up its characters and its like. yeah any arcs that are there are bad #zeldas is dogshit all of the sages are just. VERY tell no show and it really doesnt matter and otherwise idk #nothing wrong with a static character but imo with a static character you then have to show more of them #reveal some things. also doesnt really happen. the main speaking cast are also kinda weak in relation to link #they dont really work off of him very well bc hes… not treated like a character. hes just some virtuous everyman in the story #so theres no actual chemistry between him or the other characters bc he isnt treated a character so like. he has almost no chemistry #its all mostly one sided and none of the sages but zelda have any real chemistry with other major characters either #and the major characters zelda has chemistry with barely matter so fuck it. like when ppl talk abt like. loz stories #and ppl talk abt how yeah they arent the best but totk is rlly bad. i dont feel like any other loz stories are baaaaad #not in the same way. but they dont feel as egregiously fumbled. imo its bc of the characters most of them time #ofc story can be strong enough and im not discounting stuff like mm and oots themes and atmosphere and stuff #it seeeems to me the most popular non zelda sage is tulin? but mostly bc hes a sweet kid and thats fine and all but there doesnt seem to #be much else to him hes otherwise kinda unremarkable bc he just doesnt do much else and seems to exists mostly to serve gameplay and plot #botw did it better bc the champions actively had a dynamic and a relationship with link they arent the deepest but they have more substance #botw zelda is arguably the strongest character in botw with a unique personality and genuine relationship to link even if we just see it #in the memories and seeing her warm up to link is cool but imp they fumble it in the ending of her arc and how it kinda contradicts stuff #and in totk they doubled the fuck down on her unlocking her powers for reasons related to link and decided ig shed figure she needs to be #links forever bestie and hypeman and she kinda just revolves around him in a really superficial way and this is the negative extreme #of a character being bolstered by being connected to link. but anyways in loz its the characters that tend to be the strongest points #and the characters with a clear dynamic and relationship to link shine the most. think groose ghirahim ravio midna fi marin linebeck sheik #the list could go on but the characters who get a chance to shine by interacting with the Player Character are the ones who stick out #and ofc they get more screen time but they cant avoid that character development or general character fleshing out bc they are in some way #tied to link and in a sort of way link himself is more fleshed out through how those other characters react to him if that makes sense #i think loz is at its best when a good bit of emphasis and effort is placed on characters and character relationships #and when thise relationships and character are written well ofc this fucking matters too #anyways thats why ph is one of the best we love our character heavy black sheep them ds characters carry so hard and so fucking well mwah

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