#im blasting music in my ears to the point i might end up with tinnitus one day
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😶🌫️hm.
#im trying so hard to distract myself#im blasting music in my ears to the point i might end up with tinnitus one day#im replaying some of my favorite songs#im playing my comfort songs#but im ngl im still a bit nervous#the urge to just grab my pocket knife and just. slit my wrist open where a major artery is or smthin or down a bunch of pills is SO strong#im tired of living. im tired of suffering everyday and being too scared to message anyone abt it bc i hate bothering people#not to mention when i finally DO have the guts to msg someone theyre already going through sht and i dont wanna put more on them#its not the first and it wont be the last time that i have the urge to just fuckign kill myself but.#i genuinely just dont see the point in me living.#people on here only see the brighter sides of me bc i only post the best of my days usually#but ive been in an abusive relationship. i have religious trauma. i have trauma from when i was a child that gave me ptsd.#i have serious depression. and i cant even take anti depressants because im on seizure meds.#life has always been nothing but shit and im sick of trying to be positive for everyone only to be called all sorts of names and abandoned#idk. maybe dying really wont be so bad. maybe it wont be painful. i dont know. i really dont.#im typing everything here bc i dont want to post this openly and ik 99.9% of people dont read my tags anyway so its...a nice way of venting#i think.
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