tried to put myself in the headspace of a transphobe and got pissed off cus it's so fucking stupid

you talk a lot about magnus and camille dynamic and how they started and all that great meta content that you know i love but here's a question that idk if you ever got: how long do you think they were together? bc i can't think of a specific timeline and personally i love the one you talked abt at some point how she was pretty much right after asmododo or something like that, so he went from one type of abuse into another... but how long was he there? was camille with him for 20 years? 80? 130? any theories?

ugh that's a complicated one because i don't really have an answer for that and i think about it often as well

altho i think you got confused about her being right after asmodeus, i definitely don't think she was. i mentioned it my post about the timeline to say that magnus COULDN'T have been born close to the 1800s because that would make it asmodeus and camille way too close and that can't be the case because it would imply camille is basically the only person he dated before alec doajsdoaj and we know that's not true cuz there's also other ppl like george and etc. it was more a point in favor of "early to mid 1600s" for his birth date

anyway! let's go through this. i mentioned in another post that i think he got together with camille right after george, and that i think george died around the middle of the US civil war, which lasted from 1861 to 1865. so let's say they got together around 1863. now, we have a few pieces of information:

magnus mentioned that he hadn't been with anyone for "almost a century" when talking to alec. i know i think magnus is time blind but he can't be TOO off here. that was in 2016 so that would make their breakup date be a little after 1916 if magnus remembers correctly

literally the only thing about the timeline in that time period that i can remember is that one picture there was in his file of magnus surrounded by girls at a party, which looked to be in the 20s to me. since camille was an abusive asshole probably sabotaging his every chance to meet people, that couldn't have been when they were together. so i'd say 1920 is like, the limit for when they could have broken up. it's up to you whether or not you think magnus would be jumping into his party animal role immediately after the breakup or if it would take some time for him to heal; personally i think both make sense (i think she made a huge number on him so it would make sense for him to take a while to get back to that kind of thing; on the other hand, a lot of people turn straight to being party animals after breaking up abusive relationships, especially because for so long abusers have kept them from doing anything fun. so both work imo) so it's up to you

conclusion: they broke up in 1920 at the latest, so the max you could go for is 80 years, if you go with a timeline where camille was right after george (george can't be after camille because magnus has had no relationships after camille, but there could have been a bigger gap between george and camille than i personally hc). it could still be less tho, because we literally have NO information whatsoever on what happened between 1861 and 1920. even if you go with "they broke up and magnus immediately went full party animal" (which is perfectly valid), it's also entirely possible that this happened in say, 1901 and that pic just happened to be from the 20s, years later. but i also don't think it could have been a lot earlier than 1901 because magnus said almost a century, implying less than a century between the year they broke up and 2016. and while i do think that any immortal would lose track of time after a while and mingle years and decades together, nevermind adhd time blind icon magnus bane, if they had broken up in, say, 1880, magnus would remember that over a century has passed, if anything because so much has changed since then. so i think for him to say that the breakup should have happened in the 20th century at least

so that's the analysis from what we've seen in the show. personal opinion! i think 80 years makes sense, but is a bit much. it makes sense because there does seem to be a pretty obvious gap in magnus' file from the 1860s to the 1920s and then it goes back to having many pictures of him, and that "disappearance" makes sense in the context of him being in an abusive relationship (which limits your interactions and going outs by a lot). it does seem to be a bit much because magnus is at max 400, so, if they had been together 80 years, that would have been 20% of magnus' life spent with camille. or 1/5. added with all the time with asmodeus, it seems to be... a bit much dioadsoaijd and like look i'm not judging, i know abusive relationships can last many years and decades even for mortals, nevermind immortals, but i just don't like the idea of it lasting this long personally, especially because i think it makes him getting with alec seem actually a bit soon considering how long the abusive relationship lasted, and that's ignoring asmodeus' abuse on top of it

so personally, i like it morenif its around 40-50 years. i think it makes sense. it would mean the breakup was sometime around the 1910s, and while, okay, there is a gap in his file that seems to only end in the 20s, we must not forget an important fact: shadowhunters are stupid. so i actually think it makes sense that like, magnus emerges from his abusive relationship and is still getting back on his feet, and shadowhunters just don't care. like who is that guy? oh some warlock, no one's heard of him since like the 1860s lol. whatever happened to him? who cares. anyway, we love racism

and then around a decade later it turns out that magnus is healing enough to be a pain in their ass; say, that is when he becomes HWoB, or simply that they are reminded of how powerful magnus actually is once he is back in activity, and so they go back to like, investigating him and updating his file. so the file gap could be explained in that case. it also actually makes more sense that it would take shadowhunters a while to pay attention to him again, and since magnus was healing from an abusive relationship, the time it would take for him to draw their attention might well be around a decade

and with 40-50 years of an abusive relationship that would mean magnus has spent 10-12% of his life with camille; which is a LOT of time (for comparison: my first abusive relationship lasted a little over a year and i was 16 at the time; that makes it have lasted around 6% of my life at the time, and it did a HUGE number on me, taking me almost 3 years to have a relationship again), but not quite as much as a full 20%. not just that, but him taking "almost a century" (it would actually make it be a little over a century in this timeline, but again, magnus is immortal and time blind, so give him a break) to get with anyone again makes sense. that would be around double the time he's spent with her before he heals enough to be with someone else. that tracks, because abuse fucks you up fast and unfuckening yourself up takes longer. magnus isn't even fully unfucked up (which is okay, he doesn't have to be), but for him to be ready to take such huge steps as he is taking with alec, i think around double the time he's spent with her spent on healing makes sense

(again, i'm mostly going off my own experiences here; my abusive relationship lasted almost a year and a half, my next relationship was almost three years after the breakup. so almost perfectly double the time before i was ready to have another relationship. and again, i know recovery isn't the same for everyone and a lot of factors go into this, but i just think a timeline where he's been with her for 80 years and then gets with alec less than 100 afterwards is a bit too fast)

i still think 40 years is kind of a very long time to be in an abusive relationship and like holy shit i cant even imagine, but also i mean, mortals have abusive relationships that last that long and to an immortal itd feel like less time, and it does seem to be what best fits the timeline, so

and yeah i think those are my thoughts dadsajdsa

LAST MINUTE EDIT BEFORE THIS IS PUBLISHED CUZ IM NOT REDOING THE WHOLE THING: i got an anon today saying that magnus said something about not having seen camille in 130 years (link) which i didnt/dont really remember but i trust that theyre right and im wrong because i dont remember a lot of shit from this show. 130 years before 2016 would be 1886, meaning that if they broke up at that time and got together right after george's death as i personally hc, that's a 20-year relationship. that sounds like it fits the timeline as much as any other to me, and like i said in that ask, i think it makes sense that magnus would play it down to alec by saying "almost a century" instead of how long it's really been cuz it's a bit too vulnerable, and plus, we know one of the ways he protects himself is by not letting people pinpoint exactly some important dates from his past, particularly his birthday and etc

and okay i know that 20 years together, then 130 years recovering is a huge difference, but also i think with twenty years together as opposed to my comparatively short abusive relationship the scars of abuse would deepen a lot and quicker, so maybe it makes sense that it would take a longer time to feel confident enough to get to dating again. plus, like i said, there's no real math to be had in that process, everyone is different, has their own history and recovery process and etc so it's not like there is a deadline. so actually scratch everything i said above im going with this timeline. the one thing that doesn't track with that is the gap in his file but also like i said shadowhunters are stupid, so. yeah 20 years together is probably closer to it

in the end its kind of a relief cuz i was like "holy shit 40 years is so LONG" so... yeah udndidn

Maria watches friday night lights (#24)

I’m here! The final season! 5x01, here we go.

“Don’t you just love summer in Texas? 7 am and I’m already sweating like a whore in church.” This, set against the montage of summer in Dillon with trash pick up and kids running through a sprinkler, is true perfection.

let’s dive in, under the cut:

Lol is that Tinker driving alongside Vince and Luke running? Hilarious/wholesome image.

Buddy as a radio host really truly makes so much sense. Why didn’t they think of this sooner lmao

Oh my babe Tim!! on the inside but he’s getting out in three months, ok I see that

“I kinda coached you.” “Coach was my coach, billy.” Lmao “You could be a little more enthusiastic.” “Sorry, Billy, but im in prison.” Uh yeah. read the room, Billy!

Oh Tim, my poor babe 😭 wants to be visited *less* by his brother and friend. Abolish prisonssssss ugh

Oh Tami coming into the first staff meeting and immediately proposing the rest of the staff do more work probably isn’t the most strategic choice lol

This reminds me a lot of teacher meetings in season 4 of The Wire, with all of the staff talking about particular problem children the system is failing. And oh boy they all hate a teenage girl named Epyck. “I just wish she wouldn’t come into school.” Uh you should not be a teacher, miss! But also: you all need more resources.

Jess and Vince are as cute as I knew they’d be omg. “I thought you might need help with the laundry.” OKKKK

Ugh poor Becky! her dad is so gross. She’s stuck with her—I’m sure—evil stepmother and half sister? Major yikes!

The idea of Billy working for Eric Taylor is...interesting. And his argument is basically “you are inspirational and could make me a better person under your influence.” Man, only a mediocre white dude could get away with this!

Yessss Devin is still here playing in a band with Landry and that drummer whose name I can’t remember — oh jimmy okay! Devin is still the coolest character in this town.

Wow Landry is playing a show with his hometown band the night before leaving for college? That’s...a choice!

Oh geez something about Buddy and Eric watching mainly Black kids play basketball whilr recruiting for the team...and of course the one Buddy has his eye on is the one white kid lmao I can’t

“I’m not football stupid.” Lol good one.

“Worst instincts of american culture—violence, aggression.” Okay sexy! what’s your name white kid with moves?

“You’re in Texas now. You love the game of football. You just dont know it yet.” LOL

Aww Tami talking about how this girl Epyck all the other teachers hate has never been properly cared for to succeed is exactly why a guidance counselor like her needs to be in East Dillon. but yeah she’s bout to learn REAL fast what lack of funding and institutional racism look like! Eric is right about her not being the big cheese anymore and being able to change everything at once.

“Yes I’m stealing a basketball player but I’m doing it one step at a time.” Lmao

AWWWW Eric saying “I’m gonna miss this” quietly while eating with his family bc Julie’s about to go to college!! My heart.

“Oh boy oh boy” — literally me, physically tensing up, when Billy tried to give his little inspirational speech to the football team toooooo much he is so cringe. OMFG he read “if you can believe it you might achieve it” off a piece of paper from his pocket and attributed it i literally cannot

“The hippie? What for?” Lol that basketball player is considered a hippie in Dillon? Hilarious. The south is wild.

“These kids are being forgotten.” “Tami, it’s a matter of resources.” “I’m your resource!” Yes Tami but you alone cannot fix dozens of kids who are products of being in a system with lack of resources since before they even started elementary school.

Damn big Mary is out franchising and being corporate dad while Jess watches his children?? Not cool.

“So who is this guy?” “He’s not the punter, you wouldn’t be interested.” LMAO VINCE GOOD ONE

Aww Landry came to say goodbye to Mrs. Saracen. Aw he’s going to Rice? That’s a good school.

OMFG Mrs. Saracen has Landry’s music in her MP3 player???? My fucking heart 🥺

Grace is soooo cute holy shit

Oh wow does Crucifictorious or whatever have fans singing along? It’s really nice that Julie went out of her way to go.

Are we contrasting this with an East Dillon farm party? Ew so drunkenly kissing farm animals is what these kids do for fun huh

“I like knowing that I can do whatever I want. I’m a free spirit.” LMAO I hate this guy

“I’m gonna miss this.” “Miss Dillon?” “No I’m gonna miss the Alamo freeze and all their cool treats and hot eats.” LMAOOOO Landry

Omg they’re reminiscing about Matt working at the Alamo freeze. “I miss his little white hat.” L O L

Lol Landry and Julie say their final goodbye in the strip club, nice. “I’ll see you at Christmas.”

Omg Eric searching through their boxes for ping pong paddles so he can play a final game with Julie has my whole heart. Omfg and they found her Girl Scout vest.

Awww they’re playing in the garage, the season 1 vibes, oh my heart.

Oh so is the basketball coach mad about Hastings playing football? Wild culture truly.

(In the end, a teenage boy can’t help but answer the siren call of other teenage boys chanting his name)

Oh poor Andre acting out about their parental neglect at the Classic. Too real but babe it’s not Jess’s fault 😭

Go Tinker!!!

Hastings knowing some strategic info about another team from basketball, very interesting touch.

Wow Hastings somehow doing well without knowing what he’s doing or seemingly understanding football is hilarious.

“Lions win, lions win! Oh, the humanity! Alarm bells are going off all over Texas right now!”

Oh wow it’s happeninggggg

Ewww Becky really has an evil stepmom like Jesus can she have any positive parental figures

Jess and Vince are cute af. Vince helping Andre out 🥺

Honestly yeah I don’t blame Becky for wanting to leave that emotionally abusive household. The found family code in this town is so well established by now. like, Billy is obligated to take Becky in bc Tim considers her family and I’m like, yep!

Ohhh the Taylors sending their first kid off to college, emotional!!!

ok ik bitches are still going to complain but i gotta rant to keep my shit together;;; ngl after being stuck co-raising two babies now i really feel genuinely Disgusted by unnecessary parent critique. like it actually makes me feel so viscerally upset and depressed when i remember nobody gets this or cares to and probably just wants to call out what im doing wrong, instead of lend me a hand to do it better. man im not treading lightly here the ‘no excuses’ mentality is literally Inhumane to parents and dehumanizes them as these superhumans, they arent, they are people trying to take care of themselves Plus One. there Are ‘excuses’ for not being perfect. just bc every child deserves perfect doesnt mean it can be given and that fucking SUCKS but that is one of the only times im comfortable saying; ‘thats just life’. you cant magically make life better for kids the way you think, you’re not a protector, you’re their Rock to teach them How to DEAL with what life brings, that means you’re allowed to struggle with it too. childcare is like this cosmic design to work you physically and mentally to the brink, fucking forget the normalization of how many people you think you’ve seen raise kids and done fine, it is harder than you can even fathom. they probably did not do fine behind closed doors. the parents with the best behaved and most obedient kids probably did harmful things to make them that way that will eventually come back to them, the parents with the happiest most well adjusted kids probably had the money to provide the extra care for that. there are ‘excuses’. idc if it fucking annoys you or w/e, i dont like being the bitch that says stuff nobody wants to hear, but you truly deeply cannot 100% understand unless you are raising kids, i dont say that to hurt your feewings or exclude you, i used to think that way, i say it bc when you see me passed out on the couch while my nephew gets into something dangerous, its because i got one hour of sleep that night while he kicked me in our bed for 4 hours. he cant help not knowing how that affects both of us, but i cant help being affected by it just cuz im supposed to be ~the big strong adult~, bc i am not a fucking xman. i CANT pretend it all away. while im sitting there napping im also waiting for my mental health meds to start working. im also dizzy from not eating. it sucks that he gets into shit sometimes. hes still gonna get into shit sometimes, and i can do my best, but if i sit here worrying that karens are gonna get pissed abt that and work myself even harder im gonna straight up explode. who does that help. who does me falling apart help. come babysit my kid for free if you wanna help me bitch!

parents are doing twice the work of a normal person while also teaching one of these people theyre caring for, how to BE a person. i used to be SO pro judging parents and im literally nauseated by the judgments now. “i cant believe this parent looked away and their kid got hurt, i cant beleive they just leave them there with a tablet or a snack or a toy while they nap, i cant believe they let them do that, i cant believe--” btich you literally have no idea how lucky you are that they are not both already dead. you are so lucky tehy are both alive and the parent isnt hospitalized for mental health or even physical exhaustion, or addicted to a stimulant (which includes caffeine), or using smth to relax like weed or alcohol (hello wine mom culture), or the kid isnt traumatized from watching their parent have repeatd breakdowns. that is literally better than most situations already. no matter how impossibly perfect the family could be in your mind, kids fuckin get hurt and they make mistakes and the PARENTS make mistakes bc theyre PEOPLE and yall this blows my mind that ppl dont realize this but,,,,, Little kids??? THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS bc they essentially CANT..... for like YEARS there is a period they WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU at ALL while they have the full autonomy and smarts and strength to cause horrible consequential problems, they are capable of learning how to circumnavigate your ‘babyproofing’ in new ways every single day, but they have ZEROOOOO MORALS OR CAUSE AND EFFECT SKILLS to understand RIGHT FROM WRONG, NO MATTER HOW OFTEN YOU TELL THEM!!!!! IT WONT CHANGE, ITS LITERALLY A PHYSICAL BRAIN THING THAT THEY CANT LEARN WHAT ‘NO’ MEANS FOR A WHILE YET!!! THIS CAN LAST FROM AGE 1 TO 4, SOMETIMES LONGER! THATS GENUINELY INSANITY INDUCING FOR THE ADULT WHOS KEEPING THEM IN LINE HUNDREDS OF TIMES A DAY, KNOWING ITS AMOUNTING TO ALMOST NOTHING UNTIL YEARS LATER!!!! IT DOESNT HELP WHEN PPL JUDGE YOU AND DONT BELEIVE YOU AND THINK YOU JUST ARENT ~TRYING HARD ENOUGH~! holy FUCK dude, idc if you wanna judge, im losing it bc i am being forced to keep my cool while a child whos pinching me and genuinely HURTING and BRUISING me laughs in my face bc he truly DOES NOT KNOW this, and there is NO WAY for me to convey it to make him stop at the moment!!!! thats maddening!!!

listen to me, neither of you dying or experiencing lasting damage is literally the goal every day, not just ‘raising them’, but that you both survive to the end of it. im appalled by how different the lifestyle is and the way ppl just... dont know that/REJECT that information so they get to judge. ofc tiny vulnerable innocent kids deserve the best, parents cannot always provide that if they want to Survive, bc they also deserve , basic understanding and humanity. you call out abuse all you want, theres a difference between the 'lesser of two evils’ choices, or even the genuinely Bad choices you can Accidentally make when at your wits end (which you should immediately correct anyways), and ever causing intentional physical or mental harm to the child, but the secodn yall start nitpicking or blatantly being ignorant to a struggle just so you get your blame validation in i literally cannot AFFORD to give you the time of day, im busy running on minutes of sleep, so if you think i have enough free time to entertain ur whining that my kids got a messy face and has been on his tablet in a highchair for an hour or w/e, idc, im using that time to shower for the first time in 2 weeks bc nobody else is gonna be there for me to let me do that shit :) so frankly put your money where your mouth is and help struggling parents whenever you can. i cant make shit better out of thin air.

“oh, but i dont have the money to help you.” YOU THINK IM AFFORDING CHILDCARE?? YOU CAN COME OVER AND HELP DIRECTLY WHILE I DO CHORES. “oh, but i dont wanna babysit for my friends, i dont like kids.” OH REALLY?????? OH YOU DONT LIKE KIDS??? BC THEYRE DIFFICULT MAYBE ??? SO MAYBE YOU SHOULDNT JUDGE WHEN ITS HARD THEN????? LIKE YOU RLY THINK JUST ‘LIKING THEM’ SUDDENLY MAKES IT EASY FOR ME?? YOU THINK ME FINDING MY NEPHEW CUTE AND LOVING HIM AND HIS LAUGHTER GIVES ME FUCKING SUPERMAN POWERS TO DEAL WITH THIS???????? “but You chose to have kids” rt in my case i literally didnt and would be homeless if not offering to help care for them but HEY COOL CONCEPT PRO CHOICE KINDA FUCKIN INCLUDES WHEN PEOPLE ‘CHOOSE’ TO HAVE KIDS EVEN WHEN THEY STRUGGLE AFTER, TOO LATE TO FUCKIN COMPLAIN NOW, JUST HELP A BITCH OUT. LIke... bro BRO b R O im losing it stop giving parents the inspiration porn treatment while disrespecting the actual struggles they go thru any time the child actually suffers bc they are unable to shield them from their struggle. can i be real, life literally will not go without struggle. you cannot raise them to have a life better than what the world is, you can do your best but you really cant MAKE it fair. once again this is not a ‘raise the perfect child’ contest you are just . trying to raise them at all. its messy. every single day you will have successes and failures, and you’ll be running on empty, and you’ll be doing that just to make it through to do it again tomorrow, while it slowly (AGONIZINGLY SLOWLY) gets easier each day. im tired of pretending lmao i dont wanna hear you bitches judge parents anymore, i dont wanna hear the stupid ass ‘im allowed to’ shit anymore dude!!!!! for gods sake i can agree with you when some shits just plain wrong but ill never apologize for standing up for myself or other struggling parents even if it makes you uncomfy, i can care about Both the child and the parent at the same time, ig i wont ask you why you seemingly cant. 😶 ESPECIALLY when things like classism and ableism tie in so often with these situations. not to mention racism like im white but hoooo if i hear one more story about a black parents ‘negligence’ in efforts of just trying to help their family, like leaving their kids somewhere during a job interview or w/e, vs the white parents that LET THEIR 10 YR OLDS WANDER AROUND MALLS BY THEMSELVES... im gonna scream. im gonna fuckin scream. its so unfair. fuck off, stop the spiteful ignorance, change this shitty hateful culture.

tldr; you Can care about kids while respecting parents, even when they arent perfect. you can advocate for children while also advocating for parents, and in fact, you should fucking try.

anyway heres a summary of my discourse beliefves:

cishet aces/aros do not belong in gay spaces, bi spaces, lesbian spaces or trans spaces

for me my whole life the LGBT community has been more than that. my perspective is not that of some sad brainwashed child, forced into being more ~tolerant~ than i should be. i genuinely believe and have always believed the LGBT community is more than that, and im not just gonna drop that anytime soon, because i dont think the right to only consider the LGBT community as for “SGA and trans” people is liberation.

therefore cishet aces/aros belong in ace/aro spaces, which for me, count as LGBT.

but not gay, bi, lesbian or trans spaces.

there will be overlap because they are LGBT. but no, cishet aces/aros should have no claim to anything specifically for the L, G, B or T of the community.

for me the community is

Lesbians

Gay men

Bisexuals [SGA or not - as an SGA bi person, i get to speak on this.

Pansexuals

Trans people

Nonbinary people [counting agender, genderfluid, genderqueer, etc. non-cis, non-binary identities]

Intersex people (of course should they want to - the point of this list isn't YOU HAVE TO BE LGBT it's You Can Be Included)

Queer people [anyone who isn't cis or isn't het, including aroace people. non sga bi people im a little iffy on re: them 'reclaiming' queer]

Allies [i think this is important for people in the closet, as long as we dont let cishets get too big for their britches]

Aroaces

and hell, here’s a + to include anything i might have forgotten

aroaces are not functionally cishet.

straight privilege is straight privilege. it isnt not-homophobia privilege. to experience straight privilege you must be straight.

they definitely benefit from not experiencing homophobia. they can be absolute dumbasses abt homophobia for that exact reason.

but they dont experience straight privilege, because they’re not straight. that is all straight privilege has ever meant for me in my LGBT community.

cishet aces are cishet, and also aces. this means they benefit from cis privilege and straight privilege, but aphobia weighs down that straight privilege because they dont perform straightness in the Right way. i dont believe this necessarily makes them systemically oppressed the same way we are. but i dont believe aro or ace identities are privileged either.

there is no coherent Ace Community boogieman that is unanimously a bunch of homophobic, transphobic, racist jackasses, and if you believe that, you are a complete dumbass

yeah, the ace community is comprised of white cishets but, im gonna wager even more commonly, its comprised of literally every LGBT identity and race you can imagine. the ace community is not the white cishet community. it’s the community of everyone who IDs as ace or aro. this is not white cishets as a rule, as a majority, or even half the time.

that being said, inclusionists can say some stupid, shortsighted shit sometimes that is completely ignorant of LGBT history/oppression. i dont agree with the implications that i dont stand for every single thing they say and will not be held accountable for every single thing they say.

similarly, unless you wanna be held accountable for every single thing your side says/does before being allowed to call us out, uh, dont expect the same of us. the onus for this is on exclusionists, i have been around long enough to know you guys started this one. it is up to you guys to start being decent on that one, and then we’ll follow suit. those of us who dont are jackasses.

you are never at liberty EVER to explain to an ace person why their abuse or rape took place. that is called gaslighting, and no, you don’t get to throw a fit when someone calls this what it is. when you call a rape/abuse survivor an annoying disgusting freak for daring to talk about why their rape/abuse happened (since they factually know why it happened and you dont) and then proceed to insist that your headcanon of their trauma is the correct interpretation and theirs is not because theyre a filthy cishet ace (which they rarely are), that is quite literally the definition of gaslighting. and hey, don’t do it.

you are never at liberty EVER to explain to an ace person why their parents forced them into Therapy Specifically Designed To Convert Them Away From Asexuality (which may have a more efficient, shorter name). you dont know how that therapy worked or how the therapist worked because you werent there. you dont know that it was only because of homophobia so therefore this person has no right to claim their own trauma.

not everyone you hate is a cishet ace. don’t call people cishet aces unless you know for a fact they are cishet aces. i imagine you wouldnt want to call a trans lesbian a cishet, which exclusionists have done too many times for me to count. your platform should not be “you said something stupid and harmful, youre a cishet ace,” it should be “you said something stupid and harmful, end of statement.”

for some reason this is a controversial point in some discourse circles, but no one owes you sex. your partners don’t owe you sex. relationships do not equal sex. relationships do not even equal romantic love. relationships are a decision between multiple people on closer emotional intimacy.

if romantic and sexual aspects of a relationship are necessary for you, that’s understandable and okay! but you aren’t OWED that. people don’t need to out themselves as aro or ace for you. people dont need to feel pressured to give you anything they dont want to give. and you dont need to stay in relationships that dont make you happy.

allosexual privilege is not real. no one but white cishet men are 100% celebrated and privileged for experiencing sexual attraction. even white cishet women are oppressed for their attraction in many ways, and repressed from early childhood - so you can imagine how absolutely horrific sex-based oppression is for the LGBT community. we are not celebrated for sexual attraction, we are treated like we are dirty, and we are sexual predators.

WITHIN THE COMMUNITY, yeah, sometimes we are definitely, blatantly favored over aces, and people run around saying asexuality is unnatural, and sexual attraction is what makes us human. this is harmful and damaging, and it shouldn’t happen. i dont consider it systemic oppression and it definitely does not make allosexual privilege a thing.

calling people allosexuals is not something i condone. its not comparable to “cis” as a label, because cis people are an actual oppressor class towards trans people - non-ace LGBP folks are not towards ace people.

intracommunity bigotry is real and it is traumatic. people devalue it constantly and pretend it’s just a slap on the wrist, but it is an absolutely traumatic thing to have to face every day of your life. but it isnt the same as OPPRESSION, and we dont have to conflate the two concepts for intracommunity bigotry to be treated with the seriousness it deserves.

similarly, dont call people REGs unless they are not only aphobes but also truscum or TERFs. i also personally dont really believe in equating aphobes with truscum/TERFs but i dont believe in silencing trans people who openly talk about the similarities, either.

dont call people AERFs unless youre a trans woman holy shit

as someone who was directly affected by the truscum discourse when it happened [not debatable, by the way], this is pretty much recycled truscum discourse in my eyes. you dont need to lecture me on how its not.

just because someone on the “other side” called something you did ableist, misogynist, homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc., does not mean you get to shut your eyes and plug your ears. ESPECIALLY if you are part of a privileged class relevant to that accusation. for example as a white exclusionist you dont get to ignore the concerns of inclusionists of color or lecture them on the racism of the ace community. for example as a cis inclusionist [or honestly, even just a non-trans-woman inclusionist] you dont get to ignore the concerns of trans exclusionist women or lecture them on the similarities between TERFs and exclusionists.

“aspec” is not exclusively for the autistic community and i have NEVER seen claims that it was until ace discourse started. thats transparent as fuck to me and youre not fooling anyone. dont just make shit up lmfao

jokes about how Oh Lol Cringe aces inherently are, arent funny especially considering how many of these Jokes are steeped in anti-autistic ableism

idk when this happened but recently ableist jokes are the new Hot Topic of Comedy and thats like, mind-numbingly bad

i dont care what side youre on, IF YOU ARE USING THINGS LIKE FICTIONAL CP/PEDOPHILIC SHIPS/INCEST/RAPE CONTENT TO COPE WITH YOUR TRAUMA, YOU BETTER BE DOING THAT SHIT IN PRIVATE, ONLY SHARING IT WITH LIKE-MINDED, ADULT SURVIVORS, AND NEVER LETTING THAT CONTENT CIRCULATE OUTSIDE OF THAT GROUP. end of story. no ifs, ands or buts about it. speaking as a survivor who uses stuff like this to cope, being a survivor does not give you a free pass to, inadvertently or not, contribute to the pedophilia and circulation of grooming material on the internet. it is your RESPONSIBILITY as a survivor to not continue that cycle. if you avoid that responsibility, you have no right to play victim or pull the “im a survivor ;-;” card when people call you out on this.

educating kids on asexuality is not pedophilia, grooming or sexual abuse. jesus christ lmfao you dont have to assume people word it in a way thats inappropriate or predatory just because theyre pro-ace. kids NEED label/identity options, they are discovering who they are and without a label that fits for them, theyll likely feel like shit. let them have their labels. knowing about asexuality might greatly improve their life if it fits them!

for this reason, stop being weird about mogai labels/trying to “ban” them from everyone’s vocabulary/trying to turn them into some Cringe Joke that is only about Cishets Trying To Be Special. they didn’t fuck over EVERYONE.

inclusionists, in advising kids and questioning people who ask you for answers, be more open-ended. the insistence of “oh youre not a lesbian you’re a quioromantic demi-homosexual!” without also making it ok to just be a lesbian is what hurt and confused so many people on their journey to discovering their identity and its why they resent the whole mogai thing, fairly so. make it okay to just be a lesbian, or just be gay, or just be bi, or just be trans, while letting people know their other, more specific options.

asexuality is not an NSFW or TMI orientation

ace headcanons arent INHERENTLY homophobic, racist or ableist. they absolutely can be and ive seen that shit with my Own Two Eyes [pure innocent baby ace autistic papyrus headcanons back in the undertale fandom (shudders)], but they are not INHERENTLY so.

headcanons for characters with marginalized identity labels that arent identical to the ones you headcanon that character with are not oppression. and you dont get to police this shit as if its factually wrong

absolutely zero sexual interactions with minors ever, thanks!

trying to Bother The Pure Aceys by talking about sex is unacceptable

posting bullshit in ace positivity tags is unacceptable

stop calling people doing nothing but talking about their experiences “freaks”???

dont engage in the whole Oh There Are Valid Identities And There Are Special Snowflake Identities thing its not a very good look

biphobia is its own thing independent of homophobia

biphobia perpetuated within the community isnt necessarily systemic oppression but its traumatic and wrong and shouldnt be treated like some Lol Cringe Joke

you cant just say UM THAT LITERALLY NEVER HAPPENS???? when someone calls your side out on shit lgfkhghgfh especially when it literally does, all the damn time

ace [IRL person, whether or a celebrity or god forbid a flat out bigot] moodboards arent funny

you shouldnt agree to sex that you as an ace person dont want in a situation that you can control if the sex happens or not, but the pressure to provide sex to a non-ace partner is very real. stop blaming ace ppl for that pressure lol speaking as a victim of coercive sexual abuse, you cannot blame the one who didnt want it, even if they COULD have spoken up.

you’re not a bad person for wanting sex if your ace partner doesn’t. there is nothing immoral about not being ace. you just dont get to have sex anyway and you arent owed it if you are set on this committed, monogamous relationship - if sex is a big deal to you, you need to leave that relationship or work out an open situation.

laughing off peoples’ experiences as The Discourse is completely unacceptable, it encourages people to shut up and never analyze themselves and their identities

its not cute in your ace ship headcanons if the ace character is an asshole that rolls their eyes @ or judges their non-ace partner

similarly its not cute in your ace ship headcanons if the non-ace partner is an asshole that rolls their eyes @ or judges their ace partner

you dont get to tell people “ok you identify as heteroflexible but ACTUALLY you’re [insert identity]” literally ever, i understand the concern with people using “safe” identity labels to avoid facing their LGBT identities but acting on that concern in that way is not concern, its concern-trolling and its not fuckin okay.

legitimizing your own identity by delegitimizing the identities of others is bad

DO NOT, AND I REPEAT, DO NOT, BLANKET-TERM PEOPLE AS QUEER, LITERALLY EVER. DONT DO IT

DONT FUCKIN DO IT!!!!! NOT EVERYONE HAS RECLAIMED THAT SLUR, AND IT IS 100% A SLUR ON TOP OF BEING A CULTURE WITHIN THE COMMUNITY

JESUSS CHRIST DONT FUCKIGN DO IT!!!! WHEN YOU REFERENCE THE QUEER COMMUNITY YOU BETTER ONLY MEAN PPL WHO CALL THEMSELVES QUEER AND HAVE RECLAIMED IT/ARE PART OF THAT SUBCULTURE

we need more nonsexual, non-alcoholic spaces for LGBT folk that are safe for minors, trauma survivors and ace people, but thats not our fault, the prevalence of sexual and alcoholic spaces exists because we were literally not allowed to exist anywhere else until very, VERY recently, and even now it’s a Barely thing

you cant tell someone their experiences didnt happen like my god

we think ace discourse is about more than cishets because exclusionists make it about asexuality as a whole. you guys cant make it about more than cishets and then be like But Ok It’s Just About Cishets You IRrational Crazies?? :/

yes self harm through exposing oneself to the discourse tag is possible, no it’s not funny, no it’s not just ~cishets~doing that, triggers are not exclusive to PTSD survivors, shut the actual fuck up

you dont have any room to comment on the validity of quasiplatonic relationships if you’re not in one, most of the time you guys complaining about them and saying theyre Special Snowflake Things dont actually know what they are. mind your own business lol let people live

if youre not intersex, you dont get to tell people that the intersex community doesnt wanna consider itself LGBT, so they are wrong for saying intersex people are allowed to consider themselves LGBT. youre not being a good ally. sit down, shut up and let intersex people talk amongst themselves.

[to be added to at some point im sure]

asexuals STOLE dragons from CHILDREN to make themselves seem PURE AND INNOCENT, the MONSTERS

WAIT WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE ACTUALLY HAVE HORRIBLE INVASIVE SURGERY ON THEIR EYES TO GET CAUCASIAN-LOOKING EYELIDS?? holy fucking SHIT

seriously i had NO IDEA what a ‘monolid’ was even supposed to be until now! I didnt really understand the whole stereotype of ‘squinty eyes’ for asian people, cos I mean they dont look like that?? I just thought like.. what.. its supposed to be somehow bad that their eyes are smaller than some sort of baseline average? that white people are apparantly better at?? i always felt super pissed off at that, cos I personally have very actually squinted eyes for a white person. I’m like 90% eyelid, i look like im fuckin asleep all my life, i’m completely lacking that ol vertical height yo. And I’ve never been mocked for having tiny eyes so DEAR LORD it fuckin makes me angry to see people pulling all that racist shit on asian people for their eyes! and like SERIOUSLY JUST NOW I finally learned what a ‘monolid’ is Apparantly that’s the medical term fo.. like.. not having a crease on your eyelid thats.. thats the fuckin difference what WHAT I never would have even NOTICED that! why is that a cause of racist bullshit!! why are people being pressured to undergo horrible surgery to ‘correct’ a totally minor thing that NOBODY EVER NOTICES?? seriously i DIDNT EVEN KNOW that I had an eyelid crease til i just checked in the mirror nobody white even knows! nobody white has ever checked that! nobody ever polices fellow white people on quantity of eyelid creases! this is absolute fuckin bullshit, this ridiculously minor thing only became a ‘beauty standard’ cos some fuckin racist fucks noticed its statistically less common in certain countries 24 fucking years of being alive and i never knew i had a grand quantity of one eyelid crease or that this is apparantly some great beauty feature of being a whiteass cracker and that people in so many countries are undergoing REALLY FUCKING HORRIBLE GROSS DANGEROUS SURGERY to hide this LUDICROUSLY MINOR sign of being part of that country what the FUCK are we doing to the world??? god I haven’t felt this disgusted since i heard of the similar ‘skin lightening’ where you literally pour horrible toxic bleach products on your skin like a skin tan, again and again every day, trying to become white this is a thing that white people are marketing towards minorities and this is a thing that white people are also absolving all responsibility for, eye surgery and skin lightening are just ‘lol hilarious foreign stupid stuff’ as if we didnt fuckin cause it by treating everyone as hideous for not being a fuckin mayo fest yeah dude they TOTALLY invented it all themselves, completely separate from the existance of racism also jesus fuck, actual american brands own a lot of those skin whitening companies Dove does all their ~lol body positivity~ shit in western marketing yet simultaneously owns LITERAL BLEACH YOUR FACE EVERY DAY: IN A BOTTLE and godddd don’t even get me started on the constant policing of afro hair too.. I mean its less actively HORRIFYING SURGERY, but still people are getting literally fired for their natural hair unless they spend hundreds of dollars a year artificially straightening it to look white and VERY SMALL CHILDREN get this shit too, and seriously its kinda fuckin horrifying hearing black bloggers talking casually about how the more extreme ‘relaxant’ shampoos and stuff were so chemical that they used to faint as a kid before they got used to it and like.. how many people just shave their head and wear a straight haired wig for the rest of their life, rather than put up with the shit and this is something that us white people NEVER HEAR ABOUT I never knew that those wigs existed, that extreme grade hair straighteners existed, that CHEMICAL hair straighteners existed, that skin lighteners existed, and that people get cosmetic surgery needles JABBED SO CLOSE TO THEIR EYES just because white people are sick fuckers all this shit goes on behind the scenes and we have the privilage to be oblivious to it, to the consequences of what racism does on a societal level because the worst part is knowing that this stuff isnt just like one news case or something, its fuckin NORMAL LIFE for people its a fuckin HUGE BUSINESS that’s being run BY WHITE COMPANIES white companies taking advantage of racist beauty standards to sell more products what the fucking FUCK is this world?? seriously god, I wouldn’t be surprised if i keep hearing about even more horrifying extensive expensive maniacal surgery bullshit that people are just expected to put up with as some sort of cost to live in a white man’s world I’d heard lots of news stories about black people getting fired from jobs or facing other horrible predjudice due to having their normal hair, but I didnt know just how difficult it is to actually change that hair to look white! Seriously LITERAL CHEMICAL STRAIGHTENERS STRONG ENOUGH TO MAKE A CHILD FAINT. This isnt just ‘banning a hairstyle’, its banning HAIR. Its not just about ‘oh so white people can’t wear dreadlocks’ or whatever, its about how like.. white people have a fuckin choice here. Its about how black people arent being allowed to have dreadlocks! ...or an afro... or cornrows... or puffs.. or literally any hairstyle, or literally even the exact same hairstyle as a white person but WHOOPS that hair just happens to be frizzy and is somehow ‘unprofessional conduct in a work environment’ and GOD to hear that its not just hair this happens to, but fuckin SOME MICROSCOPIC EYELID CREASE what the fuck are we doing to the world what the fuck, i didnt know it went this deep...

hey dont u love how that shitty abusive fanon gabriel has been annihilated and 'abusive' mcreyes has finally gone down in flames cause gabriel is a good man cause same

*SLIDES INTO YOUR HOUSE IN MY SOCKS* LISTEN UP MOTHERFUCKERS TIME FOR SOME RACISM DISCUSSION

First of all I’m gonna just go ahead and be blunt: whoever came up with this headcanon in the first place is a racist motherfucker who doesn’t believe men of color can be anything except sorry assholes and bad fathers. So fuck you. Jackass.

You really gotta think about this shit very carefully. Why is Gabe the only male this fandom depicts as abusive? Because Lucio, the darkest, is a fucking ray of sunshine and a literal angel sent by God, and he’s young, so he didn’t make the cut. Your next option? Gabriel Reyes. Depicted as a terrorist, The Bad Guy, arch rival of The Blond Haired Blue Eyed White Savior Jack Morrison? Perfect candidate! Couple that with your power imbalance and a once thought young McCree, also implied to be Latino? DING DING DING holy shit guys we got a motherfuckin winner. 

Now this is what truly baffles me about people who are anti-mcreyes: Their excuse for not shipping it was often that Gabriel was abusive to McCree, and THEN they went on to depict him as McCree’s mother fuckin father. Holy fuck. HOLY FUCK YOU GUYS. Goddamn. Listen. No really, c’mere. Closer. DID YOU FUCKING KNOW DADS CAN BE ABUSIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Shit my dudes I am still so baffled by this. Anti-McReyes people (and I mean Antis™, not people who just don’t find mcreyes to their tastes, that’s fine and lovely y’all do you) LOVE to say “YOU CAN’T DO THIS BECAUSE GABRIEL IS MCCREE’S DAD” and “GABRIEL IS AN ABUSIVE LOVER” in the same fucking sentence. Fuck you. Listen. You wanna talk power imbalance? Make McCree SUPER YOUNG I mean. Obviously he remains 17 during the ENTIRETY of the time he was in Blackwatch right (I'm still laughing jfc). Then! Make Gabe his dad. You know the weird thing about dads is that They Have Authority Over Their Children? So now as both his boss and his dad Gabe has Double Authority. Fuck you guys, sure would suck if McCree was in that situation with an Abusive Man, huh?

I’ll tell you what, I love my dad to pieces, but I would NOT want him to be my boss. Goddamn. The man tells me stories from work all the time and they’re funny as fuck but they also let me know that he is the boss from absolute hell. I do not want my dad as my boss. I would die. So it absolutely baffles me that people will depict Gabriel as abusive and then make him both Jesse’s boss AND his dad all in one fell swoop. This is so baffling to me. Do they hate Jesse McCree. Is that it. 

SO ANYWAY this bullshit really started to crash with the Halloween comic, praise be to Blizzard, because OH. Gabe sews. He smiles real soft. He plays pranks. He appears a little shy when complimented. Huh. So you mean he ISN’T Hollywood’s favorite kind of Latino (drug dealers, mob bosses, pimps, etc)? Ah. Well that poses a problem for this headcanon now doesn’t it? It’s awful hard to depict a guy as abusive when HE’S SUPER FUCKING CUTE HUH.

Now don’t get me wrong real life abusers can ABSOLUTELY present themselves as nice and loving and then be capital A Assholes behind closed doors. Please for fuck’s sake don’t ever use “oh but they’re so nice!!” as a reason to not believe an abuse victim. BUT! This is a videogame narrative. Blizzard can’t do the same complex stuff that you’d see in a novel, not really. They have very limited space to show us key things, so for them to show us Gabe being funny, friendly, and even bashful in the Halloween comic says a lot. They had only a few panels to depict him in, and he presented as Super Fucking Adorable. 

YOUR MOVE, ANTIS. 

But we ALLLLLLLLLL know that Manipulative Gabe™ and Abusive Gabe™ was still largely widespread after that. It slowed to a trickle after a long while, thanks to people getting Real Fed Up With The Bullshit, but for some reason people loved the idea of Gabriel manipulating his loved ones because that’s what a blackops commander does I guess? Again fuck you? Like Idk if y’all knew this but GENERALLY the relationship between a black ops commander and HIS OPPONENTS is a lot different from the relationship between a man and the people he loves. Anyway stop depicting MOC of the military as fucking assholes all the time thank you kindly?

SO NOW BLIZZARD HAS DELIVERED TO US THE ULTIMATE KISS-MY-ASS MATERIAL! PRAISE BE TO GOD. Shit man. Gabe’s voice is AWFUL SOFT AND SOOTHING ain’t it. Blizzard dropped a fuckin bomb on us. Reaper sounds gruff and grumpy much of the time (although he’s. still soft spoken and cute a lot of the time anyway don’t. get me distracted) but Gabriel? Sounds adorable? And like? He cared about the hostages enough to ignore orders which obviously would’ve landed him in some massive shit with his job? And despite Null Sector’s awful actions he recognizes that they’re fighting for something? That treatment of Omnics is incredibly unfair? 

So let’s see. Gabe’s cute. He sews. He’s playful. He’s funny and sarcastic. He’s passionate about saving lives. He’s very blatantly being presented as a good man. People loved him, even if Jack and Ana found his secretive actions frustrating (and….blackops?? generally does the secret thing. Shocking).

And what do ya fuckin know…….he’s still Latino. 

This fandom has a Real Nasty Habit of depicting men of color….well, wrongly. Examples….abusive Gabriel Reyes. Stoic Hanzo Shimada (holy fuck this dude is expressive). Goofy Jesse McCree (remember that long period of time when everyone forgot that he was a highly capable well trained assassin and treated him like he was stupid?) and yet…Jack Morrison is still always your Tragic White Hero™. 

TL:DR The depiction of Gabriel Reyes as abusive and manipulative was deeply based on the racist stereotype that Latino men can only gruff, angry, and/or evil, and I can’t wait for Blizzard to drop Bomb #2: Reaper Redemption. 

This post was really long I’m sorry