my reaction to the Taylor / Matty Healy situation

The thing about hbomb is that he's made plenty of good videos that I like and honesty hasn't done anything even remotely bad enough for me to care if people like him or not

But also he made the entire FNDM's online experience objectively, measurably worse. Like he is absolutely a big part of I can't take 2 steps outside of my circle without being bombarded by ill-informed opinions from people who's only exposure to my favorite show was his goddamn video.

So yeah congrats on the plagiarism video or whatever the fuck, I will literally never forgive you

Warning: Discourse incoming.

I told myself I’d never get involved in these kinds of discussion because I’m a firm believer in “You do you/No Kink shaming etc.” But this one is a fairly serious one. It’s long, I’m not putting a cut in there, but please just hear me out.

There’s a disturbing trend in some fic writing I’ve noticed lately, and I have to say something about it.

We all know I’m a sucker for dark fics, be it CNC, dubcon, even non-con and horror elements, so I’m not here trying to tone/content police people’s writing. I want to make it very clear that this is not about vilifying people who write dark stuff, or things I’m not into. Hell, if I don’t want to read something, I check the tags and warnings and nope out before I get the ick. (As everyone should, there’s no point getting yourself wound up or triggered by content you can just simply scroll by.) 

However, this is where my current concern comes in. 

I’ve seen lots of very prominent writers not giving adequate warnings or disclaimers about the content they write. 

I’ve come across a lot of content where Joel (sorry buddy you’re the worst offender here, Ilu tho) is being labelled as a dom – and even more worryingly labelled as a soft dom – when the relationship is not about safe dom/sub relationships/kink. 

If Joel is spanking you so hard you can’t sit down in lieu of “teaching you a lesson” when there’s clear lack of enthusiastic consent (or often any consent at all) this is not s/m, this is abuse. 

If you’re having your readers receive physical or sexual punishment for actual life slip ups/non-role play scenarios, you’re glorifying abuse.

If you’re not labelling your fics correctly, you’re being negligent to your readers, and this should be a safe space for us all to read and create without being unduly triggered because we had inadequate or no forewarning.

For example:

Javi P kisses a girl, you make him pay for it in a way that is clearly pre-established (you have to spell it out people) as consensual in your relationship? Kink.

Joel spanking the shit out of you because a man flirted with you in a bar? Abuse. 

Din edging you until you cry because you were competing in how much you could make the other jealous in a pre-agreed dynamic? Kink. 

Joel denying you sex, or fucking you without prep/making you cum because you did something to annoy him/he doesn’t agree with and you aren’t enjoying yourself? Abuse.

I thought we were over this with the discourse that came about around 50 Shades, but clearly not. So please, tag your fics with appropriate/adequate warnings. As a survivor of sexual abuse and grooming, I need to know if your fic is going to contain and/or glorify these things. Again, I’m not saying don’t write these things, but it is your responsibility to tag adequately.

It’s a simple concept that I see applied across the board with age gaps and power dynamics, and most of the time people get it right. But when posts with 1k+ interactions are explicitly abusive, with no warnings other than S/M dynamics or “soft dom!Joel” when it’s anything but soft, aren’t just triggering to some, they’re harmful.

You can’t have a healthy relationship with Joel (again sorry buddy) if that relationship contains thinly veiled or brazen abusive elements. 

If you don’t know the difference between coercive behaviour, sexual or physical abuse, and safe, consensual kink, you need to educate yourself for your own benefit, and that of your readers. 

Feel free to reach out to chat with me about this, I’m not here to run and gun, but I will not tolerate any form of abuse or unkindness (on either side of the aisle) here.

"sfw fetish" discourse is complicated because on one hand you definitely shouldn't be thinking outright fetishes are sfw but what if you genuinely want to draw stuff like pooltoys or transformation nonsexually? at that point it's not a fetish but people are still gonna see it as that

The whole situation is fucking awful, but the KR fandom seems to be coping well.

PHILZA YESSSSS THATS MY FUCKING STREAMER LETS GOOOOOO

EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS

yk what drives me crazy abt the argument that ‘the internet isnt free!’ crowd keeps bringing abt, esp about spotify and live service games?

the reason people are mad is because these services didnt use to be like this. because until about a year or two ago, three ads in between videos was not a thing. paying 30+ dollars for a skin or ‘bundle’ was not a thing.

and rightfully, people are upset that we let these things become normal. inflation is not the reason, its the excuse we keep letting get peddled to us.

i understand things are not free to run. but i extend that gratitude to sites like ao3, dreamwidth or otherwise sites funded by the goodwill of people. i do not feel bad for youtube. i dont feel bad for blizzard. and i don’t feel bad for the megacorps thatre trying to squeeze every last dime out of us.

So! This is the full argument that I made, copied word for word from the draft that I sent a dear friend of mine to proofread. This happened during the conversation with the other Bangs & Bangability mods leading up to my resignation sent in the discord server and the subsequent fallout here. I'll also include a direct transcription of the response I got to it. All under the cut because it's very long.

Regarding the earlier conversation, there are a few points I need to make with regards to the direction we seem to be heading in. To start, organizing in favor of a specific subset of participants to the detriment of another is unethical and unjust, which will make us seem and in truth be untrustworthy and unreliable in a management capacity. As stated previously, should that be the course of action taken, I will be obligated to step down and will no longer be able to participate in good faith. The reception and handling of the primary brought-upon issue (re: Wincest and incest inclusion) have been presented in a way that implies a strong personal bias amongst administration. If this was going to become a significant problem, or in the event that there were concerns with how it would affect the bang's run, it should have been addressed during the discussions and preparations before sign ups were opened to avoid false advertising and participant fallout. The point of a moderation team is that it's supposed to function as a team. Should a member of said team struggle with a personal bias or aversion to something stipulated in the rules upon sign up, yet still wanted to participate, then discussion ought to be opened up immediately. As I am someone capable and willing to handle the content prompting the aforementioned problem (re: Wincest and incest), the entire situation could have been smoothed over far sooner and with significantly more finesse. Personal boundaries can and should be set for both staff and participants, but without alienating an entire subset of participants or abandoning responsibility for said participants entirely, after already promising inclusion, safety, and accomodations for. On a personal level, fundamental to my moderation policy is that a moderator can not and should not be expected to be personally responsible for the triggers or squicks of every individual in their event or server. As a member of any given staff, one can only provide tools for each individual implement on their own to protect themselves at their own discretion. To wit, our goal should be to be able to say "We have enabled you to avoid the chat that makes you uncomfortable. It's now up to you to curate your space and stay out of conversations and spaces that upset you."

The response I got to this (transcribed directly from a screenshot and names left out to protect the privacy of the person in question) was this:

"Wow don't even. I would like to be inclusive and I did just open a dialogue with the mods, in the private mod chat, not in the middle of the fucking server. And if you read back, you will note that I said absolutely next round the rules are being changed. But you know what? If I need to do it sooner, I will. Bottom line, this is my baby and I can adjust so everything is copacetic for the majority of participants. And if that means alienating a handful of people who think fucking their siblings is a valid lifestyle choice, well, shit. Sorry if that's offensive to you"

I'm posting this in the interests of full transparency so please do not send hate or anything to the mods of the bang. I'm just very disappointed that an event that was supposed to be inclusive ended up going to shit for people. I'd also like to point out that the phrase "...a handful of people who think fucking their siblings is a valid lifestyle choice..." is just recycling old anti arguments and banking on a disgust reaction to back up the completely nonsensical argument made.

Please feel free to ask me any questions you have about this!

man the only fan spaces i will ever be in these days are the ones full of people with fucked up nasty reprehensible ships and fondness for the worst characters EVER. everywhere else is a god damn minefield but those bitches? yeah baby this is the freak zone and we are all freaks here

annoying thing that happens every time i try to find hot butches

HOT REMINDER THAT IM A CRIPPLE BY SELF IDENTITY BUT IF YOU CALL ME THAT AS A FUCJING INSULT I WILL GLADLY BEAT YOU EITH MY FUCKING CANE

This might be a controversial one, but I wanted to mention that Ruby feeling that she has to be responsible for her team and be the one in charge isn't something that she like, made up. Like it's not just her own expectations of herself that led to her bottling everything up and not seeking help.

WBY+JNOR do rely on Ruby in ways they don't with each other. Lest we forget:

And this isn't a bad thing, it's not wrong for them to rely on Ruby. But this is one moment that I think explicitly set up the problem that volume 9 is currently addressing. How Blake was pleading for an unconscious Ruby to get up, because they needed her. And that moment of exhaustion is covered up because Blake needed her so of course she's going to force herself to get up.

Ruby is consistently given the final verdict on a lot of their decisions, she often has the burden of what to do next placed on her even when it's a team effort to find a solution.

"I have a plan!" "You always do."

"You gave us the courage to follow you."

"We'll follow your lead, Ruby."

Jaune directly blames her for Atlas falling and Neo attacking despite the plan being a group effort.

This isn't really directed an any one specific post, but I dunno. I've just seen some things and I feel like analysis of Ruby is creeping toward this "she set herself up" kind of thing. Her breakdown was absolutely fueled by her own disillusionment with heroism and leadership, but I think it's good to remember that she did have some unrealistic expectations heaped onto her.

via my girl @swiftieplanntika on tiktok

Ari what's your opinion on proshippers? Heard some person talk about this how it wasn't the worst thing ever since they're fictional characters therefore they're like objects + it also doesn't necessary mean they (proshippers) practices this in real life and tbh I kind of agree with this but idk tho...

im sure you mean well but i cannot comprehend why you are asking my stance on this like i dont actively post incest 😭 one of my longest fics to date include a long and graphic noncon scene. like its in my about and everything. based on everything im not sure what else my stance would be

i think the word proship has become an internet naughty word so i dont like to use it. but i am profiction and very vehemently anti censorship which is functionally the same

i understand that it can be difficult to accept that as your stance because internet culture is very puritan right now but fictional content is not the same as material harm. assuming that peoples fictional taste would be a prerequisite to harm means we should ban all violent video games and movies to lower crime. which is nonsensical. its fake. its human curiosity. it is a morally and ethically neutral thing to write dark fiction even things you would find incomprehensible immoral irl

you are not a weird person to agree w that stance. don’t let people who base their moral conscience with the things they consume online try to convince you otherwise.

ive been on this blog a long time and dont really enjoy entertaining this line of discourse but imo i feel like my stance should be pretty clear regardless 😭😭 im not mad at you by the way i just think it should be pretty clear where my beliefs lie

Friendly reminder doxxing isn’t okay :D