#oversharing on main
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I am so badly fighting the urge to let the depressive episode win but I really feel like I’m being forgotten by everyone I care about (it’s definitely mostly a delusion but my sick little brain does not know that)
#oversharing on main#this happens every placement#I become so convinced I don’t matter to anyone bc I’m not here#and it sucks how many of you I am losing contact with because I love you#I mean it#it’s not just a thing I say#I don’t know maybe I should sit on this for a while but there’s seven identical posts saved to my drafts from the recent weeks#so maybe I already did think about it plenty#I don’t know#not cm
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may the gods grant me the strength not to throttle my group project members by their thick republican athlete finance bro throats
#we agreed that the two of them would complete 1/3 of our report#by our appointed check in time#they did not.#i asked one of them to flesh out the bones of another third of the report that I’d written#he added ONE SINGLE SENTENCE#and then texted me saying ‘I finished my part can you look over it’#i don’t CARE that you’re a baseball player#bitch we’re d3 nobody gives a shit#you signed up for this class now do your piece of it!#-> pissed because we get a shared group grade#this is what I get for being an econ major at a school known for being conservative#kiki’s radio#oversharing on main#it’s 2:30 am#i am going to finish these liquidity ratios#and then i am going to have sweet sweet dreams about taking that baseball bat and shoving it up his—
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is it just me or is it really weird trying to recover from crippling self-doubt
like
what if i turn into a boastful narcissist and won't know it because there will be no demon on my shoulder balancing it out?
how do i function without my mind reminding me i am nothing?
so i choose to say: fuck it. i am good and worthy and there is meaning to me being here.
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Our flag has filled me with so much homosexual longing like I want a boyfriend so bad
#ofmd#even though like would I prioritize any person over my mother?#unlikely#ergo I should not get into a relationship#oversharing on main#my posts
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Has anyone following me had an endometriosis laparoscopy + would be willing to DM me to answer some questions about what I can expect?
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why the fuck is he back why the fuck is he back why the fuck is he back
#this mf was supposed to be in California#what the fuck#he's not supposed to fucking be here#oversharing on main#sjonnies sad wanks
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I got tagged by @blakbonnet and @vampirebutterflies to do 15 questions- thank you 😘💜
1. Are you named after anyone?
My mother has a PhD in literature and likes to flex this at any opportunity, which included naming her children after depressing Greek mythology figures, nearly all of which die horribly. I couldn't even pronounce my government name for the first few years of speaking, so I got nick named after the neighbour's cat which is far more my lane.
2. When was the last time you cried?
Been having some issues sleeping recently so did the whole hysterical giggles into sobs a few nights ago.
3. Do you have kids?
Fuck no, that's a terrible idea.
4. Do you use sarcasm?
My accent means I sound like I'm deadly serious when I'm attempting sarcasm, I sound like I fell out of FOTC on reruns. It got me a lot of trouble when I was a teenager.
5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?
How fast/loud they talk and how close they then choose to stand to me.
6. What’s your eye colour?
Grey blue
7. Scary movies or happy ending
Love horror films but been so emotionally delicate since lockdown that I stick to horror film criticism/theory and happy endings.
8. Any special talents?
I can vibrate my eyeballs inside my sockets.
9. Where were you born?
Aotearoa
10. What are your hobbies?
Drawing, napping, sewing and toy collecting
11. Do you have any pets?
I co-parent a void cat who's an absolute dick but I still love her.
Also co-parent a void dog who is pure bratty sunshine .
12. What sports do you play/have played?
Used to play rugby, before I got banned. Then boxing, before I banned myself. Now I occasionally play badminton and do pilates. It's very peaceful and boring.
13. How tall are you?
Not sure, but fun story - I used to think I was really tall when I was at high-school with my group of friends who all varied in height against my collarbone to nipple, then I went to college... turns out my high school friends are all just bizarrely short, and I am average af.
14. Favourite subject in school?
Art. Lunch. Afterschool art.
15. Dream job?
Only Fans for nudes and Patreon for nude drawings 👌
As for tagging, there's a good chance they've already been tagged but tag you're it - @sherlockig @nofeelingisfinall @palavapeite and @leatherdaddyteach (and anyone else who feels like it!)
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everyone shut up i need to lie on my stomach and kick my feet a lil
#HE SAID GOODNIGHT TO ME IN HEBREW. DYING AND DYING AND DYING AND DYING#he also casually dropped in the couple hour convo that he has a lamp in his room that makes a fake sunset and that melted me LMAO /hyp#cute behaviour i need to fight him#AND HE DIDNT CUT HIS HAIRRR THANK GODDD <333333333333#oversharing on main#ANSDKJASNDKJNASKJDNSJ#The aromantic spectrum sure is. a spectrum !#aint got a CLUE where i land there#beverly says stuff#vagueposting
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I don't know what it is about having not been loved enough as a child that makes you crave it even while clearly receiving it as an adult.
Like its real and its there but it will never fill that hole that exists in the space that should have been filled with love and nurturing while you were being formed.
People who have been loved their whole lives will never understand.
#and not to be cringe on main but its why i connect to silver so much#that man has never been loved before and you can see it in his face#what do you do with it once its there?#anyway#silver hours#oversharing on main
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Sometimes I just get random thoughts about Homestuck and wonder why the hell can't I just leave it behind completely, it's so ingrained in my brain. I guess that's just consequences of getting into it during the best and then the worst year of my life, now I can't get rid of it.
#hs#it's not even about anything in the comic#just headcanons and OCs#i have hs OCs dude#i probably was the happiest in 2014-2015 and then 2016 happened#i don't even remember it i only have memories of depressive episode and danganronpa#anyways#oversharing on main
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Sorry for turning our fun friend hangout™ into an impromptu forced therapy session (it will happen again)
#damn they really meant it when they said dont drink alcohol on antidepressants#oversharing on main#i was fine when i was just on my antipsychotics#bpd#actually bpd#borderline personality disorder#goodbye fun drunk jules
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I'm trying to discreetly masturbate and my roommate literal came in JUST to ask me if I'm going to sleep. I said no I'm just chillin in the dark and listening to music and she say 'ok' and leaves, like what do you want from meeee
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We’re stalled in the tunnel I’d rather the train explode at this point
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I
i had a breakdown and tore up part of my room and had to cry in the stairwell for a while and then cried in my room again in the part I tore up and some part of my brain went
"y'know, (NPC from D&D campaign that got canned years ago) would be very sad to see you like this, and would tell you to go to bed and come back tomorrow"
and it's right but this can't be a good coping mechanism
#oversharing#oversharing on main#i just needed that off my chest#anyways i would like to thank my brain for telling me that eventide wants me to take care of myself#thats not a real person but thank you anyways
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ohhh ok. life sucks again
#i want to go home.#Dont ask me abt this im too tired to vent#vent#oversharing on main#lowkey want my friends to see this so i dont have to talk to them abt it#^ post is not abt my friends btw. just to clarify
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C P R V Y for brutaly honest hour ☠️
I dug this out of my drafts last night and now it's time to face the consequences and overshare on main 💃🏻 (It got terribly long because I can't form a concise thought so grab snacks I guess and keep reading)
C - How long it's been since I've [been] kissed?
As sad as the truth is, it's been over a year. It was a very memorable beginning of October 2022. While the conversation was interesting there was zero chemistry whatsoever but at the end the dude still got a kiss because why the hell not. 36 hours later I was awfully sick with covid (courtesy of my roommate) and I really hope I didn't give him that 💀 Never spoke to him after the date.
P - What kind of music I like
I will listen to pretty much anything if I like it, except for hiphop, rap and our lovely polish disco polo. I do tend to lean towards pop, I gave a piece of my heart to lady gaga at age 11 and it stayed with her to this day. I've always enjoyed classical music as well (and I used to play the piano) but other than that anything goes.
R - 10 of my curiosities (which I understand as curious things about me, or as curious as they can be - I'm not particularly interesting)
- I absolutely suck at video games that require fighting or driving.
- I hate cottage cheese with a burning passion.
- As a teenager (and younger than now adult) I would make tables or documents with advantages of things I wanted my parents to buy for me (such as: gaming console (in early covid times) is good for me because I will be able to socialize with people safely and good for parents because I will stop being a pain in the ass). It worked every time 😎
- I can't eat gluten and I shouldn't eat dairy because it gives me acne and it often makes life pretty sad because ->
- I love love love bread and pastries and ice cream and cakes
- Over the years I unknowingly established a sort of capsule wardrobe and it's wonderful but it annoys me whenever I see things like "buy less clothes! how? BUY THESE THINGS to have a capsule wardrobe FOR THIS SEASON" because I feel like that's missing the point 🤦🏻♀️
- My favourite colour is pink but I almost never wear pink clothes
- I am terribly afraid of all flying bugs, especially those that bite or buzz, which makes late spring, all of summer and early autumn my personal hell.
- I don't like cooked fish with the exception of baked salmon but I really like sushi 🍣
- (last one and my personal favourite) I have a freckle on my lips :)
V - 3 big dreams
As much as I daydream it wasn't easy to think of three things that I really do want to happen. For as long as I can remember I've always wanted to travel to Alaska, it still remains my biggest dream. Second one is pretty silly, but I'm really looking forward to the day when my skin stops acting like a teenager and I no longer have acne anywhere. Last one is an umbrella dream of sorts and it is to be happy - that happiness for me includes (among other things) good health but also a hopeful and determined attitude whenever health goes to shit, enough money to be able to live comfortably but also staying positive whenever I may not be able to get myself what I want or need, great relationships with family and other people but also being comfortable alone and enjoying my own company.
Y - If I like my town and why
I love the city I live in! It's by the seaside (which I used to dislike prior to moving here) and the temperatures here are usually colder than in other places in the country. I like that it's a very people focused city, there are many free (!!!) opportunities to relax, socialize or learn (yoga in the summer, cinema, museum tours, concerts, workshops). Public transport is also free if you have a residence card. It's also quite on the left side when it comes to politics and most people here and very accepting and kind. There is greenery pretty much everywhere, many parks and bike lanes and a lot of good food.
Dziękiiii 🥰🌸🌊
#perfect example of how when someone lets me talk I WILL and i will talk a lot#oversharing on main#typical tuesday on here#mine#ask game
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