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ace-of-zaun · 2 years

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“Everyone is telling me you are the bad guy” Pt. 3:

Silco x f!reader, 2.8k words, SFW

Warnings: gang leader!reader, very suggestive, silco still has pervy thoughts smh my head, flirting, talk about drugs, teasing, BRAT 👏 BRAT 👏 BRAT 👏

A/N: Credit to the wonderful, lovely, ethereal @steponmesilco for the premise of this chapter!! Can you guess which bit they helped me plan? ;) -el x

Part 1 | Part 2

By now, Silco is convinced that you’ve somehow managed to infect his whole being, inching your way into his blood stream until all he thinks and breathes is you.

He spends his days attempting to concentrate on his work, whilst thoughts of what you were doing at any given moment permeate their way through his steadily crumbling barriers.

At night, he shamefully thinks of you more carnally, how your skin would feel pressed between him and the sheets of his lonely bed.

But perhaps more scarily, in the very dead of night, when the rest of the world was sleeping soundly, he’d find himself quietly wondering not just where you were… but how you were.

It had been a couple of miserable weeks since your infernal meeting in his factory office and since then, you’d gone eerily quiet.

No longer breaking into his factories, at first Silco had been suspicious. Then, he’d sent the odd spy to scout out your place every so often, just to make sure you were still alive and well.

He wasn’t worried. Of course not. Any man who’d come into contact with a devilishly cunning woman such as yourself had every right to be concerned when said woman went quiet.

It almost always meant bad news.

Silco returns from his rounds of the factories in the early hours of the morning, exhausted from overseeing his hard-earned empire.

He trudges through the quiet, empty club, up the stairs, and only realises that there’s no guard at his usual post on the second look of his double-take.

Hmm. A potential cause for concern except for the fact that the guards outside hadn’t alerted him to any disturbance. And it’s unlikely that someone could have made trouble inside without signalling one of the many someones outside.

No, it’s far more likely the guard has gone walkabouts, disobeying his direct orders.

Silco makes a mental note to teach his henchman a lesson he won’t forget, but for now, he is in desperate need of a cigar.

He enters his office, the door closing behind him with a resounding click, to find his regal chair pushed up close to the window, green light pouring down onto the chair facing away from him.

Silco instantly clocks onto the subtle rocking motion the chair makes as it gently swings from side to side.

He exhales a wearied sigh.

“Jinx, how many times have I told you not to enter my office when I’m out?”

At the sound of his displeased voice, the motions stop and the chair begins to swivel round to face him, revealing the occupant to be not his enigmatic daughter, but rather, you.

You. Sitting in his chair, your legs folded underneath themselves like you’d been sitting in that very chair your whole life.

Much like the last time he’d caught you somewhere you shouldn’t be, Silco experiences an abrupt surge of emotions.

Shock. Confusion. Awe. Arousal. Anger.

Except this time, he’s unwittingly angry at himself for letting you best him once again.

His knife is practically ripped from his sleeve with how fast it emerges from his expensive coat.

“Ooh, knife play already? Somebody’s eager,” you tease, your face immediately melting into the most coy expression.

Oh, how he’d missed your knee-weakening expressions.

“I’m going to give you one chance to put back whatever it is you’ve stolen from me,” he threatens darkly, taking one cautioning step closer.

Further into your trap he goes.

You have the absolute audacity to roll your eyes at him as you reply with a patronising, “Relax, I’ve not stolen anything from you.”

Now, that’s not entirely true. You’ve stolen quite a few things from him at this point… his dignity being the main one, with his sanity not too far behind.

“Promise, you can even search me if you want,” you add demurely, holding your hands up next to your face with an innocent tilt to your head.

No. Not today. He’s far too exhausted for all this.

Silco stomps over to you, slipping the knife back into its resting place.

“Get up,” he commands.

“Why don’t you join me? There’s plenty of room for two,” you smirk.

Instead of allowing a repeat of last time, he rounds the desk and grabs onto one of your hands, pulling you up and out of his chair.

But you trip halfway through the motion, stumbling into him and saving yourself by slamming two palms flat against his chest. Silco’s own hands automatically go to grab at your waist, steadying you and leaving you both in a delicious little deadlock.

Electricity sparks through him at the sensation of finally touching you, instead of you touching him. He can’t help but try to imagine how your waist feels without the frustrating barrier of your clothes.

When he glances down to your eyes, as you simultaneously peer up at him, you bite your lip in a way that is so sinful, he almost presses you against him fully.

There’s no doubt in his mind that you stumbled into him like that on purpose.

“Hello,” you say coquettishly.

You were most definitely trying to drown him, and by the way his chest suddenly ached, you were easily succeeding.

Oh to let his hands travel down to the hem of your shirt and slip them underneath. To let them trace the expanse of your skin. To kiss every part of you until you’re positively shivering under him.

But instead of allowing himself to sink even further into your ruse, he takes a step back, leaving you with your hands in the air, your features twisted in disappointment.

“Aren’t you going to thank me for your gift?” you ask after a heartbeat or two, your hands now lowered as you gesture to the desk behind him.

Silco turns to find a bottle of bourbon on his desk, the same brand you’d presented to him in your own office during that fateful first meeting.

He was unused to such thoughtful gifts without ulterior motives attached, which is what prompts his next, spiteful question.

“What’s in it? Cyanide?”

“No,” you scowl, a look of genuine offence and hurt.

In a way that he definitely can’t control, Silco’s heart squeezes in guilt for upsetting you.

But he couldn’t apologise. He had a reputation to uphold, regardless of the way you were shattering it to pieces with every additional minute you spent in his presence.

“Drink some then.”

An exaggerated look of annoyance crosses your beautiful face, but you do it anyway, ripping the seal open and pouring a splash into the glass he’d left on the desk from last night.

Tipping your head back, you throw the amber liquid into your mouth, and Silco watches the movement of your throat as you swallow with morbid fascination.

Naturally, his mind (and his betraying body) wonders what it would look like for you to swallow if he-

“There, happy?” you unknowingly cut him off.

Silco musters his best, most practised look of indifference before reaching for the humidor on his desk and turning sharply on his heel.

As he stalks over to his sofa, Silco is delighted to find that there is no seat opposite for you to take.

He quickly remembers the way he’d smashed it to pieces after a particularly frustrating day that had begun with Jinx teasing him about his new ‘girlfriend’ (you) and had ended with one of his employees daring to question his orders.

In any case, Silco is glad you can’t make yourself comfortable. You needed to leave before he did or said something utterly irreversible.

“I came to tell you that I’ve finished my drug,” you inform him as he sits in the middle of the sofa and begins preparing his cigar, “It’ll be ready to put on the market next week.”

Your words halt his movements for a brief second.

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t surprised. It took him months to develop Shimmer, and here you were ready for sale in half that time.

“And I’d like you to try it.”

His head snaps over to you in bewilderment.

“Why?”

“Believe it or not, sweetie, but I do value your opinion,” you tell him, mindlessly running your fingers along the edge of his whiskey glass.

If he didn’t know any better, Silco would say that the way your eyes suddenly dropped down to the desk was a clear indication of your honesty. You really did value his opinion.

“Leave it here and I’ll try it later,” he commands as nonchalantly as he possibly can.

There wasn’t a chance in Piltover that he was going to be taking an unknown substance, no matter how enticing the creator of it was. But it wouldn’t stop him from taking it to Singed and performing some tests on it.

“No, you have to try it when you’re with me,” you argue, meeting his gaze once again, your eyes filled with… longing?

Silco is embarrassed by the way his heart leaps at that tiny show of emotion from you.

With the way his thoughts regarding you had recently begun to stray from being consistently salacious in nature, deep down a part of him hopes you had the same predilection for him as he did for you.

Not that his stoic expression would ever reveal it.

He stares at you, trying with all his might to figure out your plan. Your game. Suspended in a few weightless seconds in time, Silco feels a desperate urge to beg you to stay with him. To never leave his side again.

But then you pocket the vial, breaking the moment and thankfully saving him from making a fool of himself.

“What do you want from me?” he asks, hoping the edge of desperation in his voice is masked by the dark look on his face.

If you notice, no mention is made of it as you pour two fingers worth of bourbon into the same glass you just drank from and begin your slow saunter towards him, glass in hand.

Silco wishes you’d stop because the closer you get to him, the quicker the heat begins to rise in his body, like you have a proximal effect on him.

This is it, isn’t it?

You were going to be his downfall, whether he wanted it or not.

“I want you to move some of my product and take a share of the profits,” you say in a low voice, clearly producing a ridiculous impression of him.

He scoffs. You were parroting his own words when he’d tried to make a deal with you all that time ago.

How dare you even have the gall to ask.

He was the leader of the Undercity. He was the one calling the shots.

Not you. Demanding, impertinent, delectable you.

By the time he’s done internally insulting you, in a miserable attempt to deny exactly how much you affected him, you’re directly in front of him, the only saving grace being the coffee table separating your body from his.

You lean down to place the glass of bourbon on the table and he wills his eyes to stay locked onto yours.

But it’s futile because the second the glass clinks against the table, you place one boot on the table and slowly, purposefully climb atop it until you’re looking down at him.

A confusing mix of emotions flicker across your face before you school it into a careful look of temptation and want.

Anger (he decides) begins to pool again in his lower belly at the clear display of disrespect, his fist tightening until he’s sure he’s leaving crescent shaped indents in his own palms.

He’s forced to sit up and forward on the sofa, as his body begins to reveal just how hot his blood was getting.

You make a show of looking up and around the space above your own head.

“Seems to me like it’s pretty lonely at the top,” you say coyly, returning your gaze down to his, “Don’t you want someone to share the burden with?”

Fuck, he’s practically shaking with an exasperating concotion of fury and arousal now.

Just when he thinks he’s about to explode, you slowly lift one foot and place it gently against his chest.

“Take some of the weight?” you whisper to him sensually, carefully pushing his chest backwards with your foot and keeping your ruinous eyes locked onto his.

Silco allows his body to be pushed back for a few torturous inches, his teeth now bared in a growl, before his resolve finally snaps.

He suddenly grabs onto both of your calves and yanks you down so you fall heavily on his lap, now straddling him in a way he’s only ever dreamed of until now.

The fall actually hurt him a little bit, but he’s far too distracted by the feel of your thighs around his to actually care.

“I don’t need anybody,” he lies, his voice as low as gravel, as his fingers dance up your calves, just holding himself back from tearing into the fabric covering them.

Your hands shift from where they’d landed on his shoulders, sliding up to tangle in the long strands of hair at the back of his head, pulling him closer until your mouth is at his ear.

“I don’t think that’s true,” you whisper, shifting in his lap until you’re smirking against his skin, “I think you want this much more than you’re letting on.”

Silco exhales shakily as you move your head to press a deliberate kiss behind his ear and then another under his jaw.

He shivers, allowing his hands to run up and down your back, bunching up the fabric as he goes and slowly revealing more and more of that skin he so desperately wants to taste.

So caught up in devouring you, he nearly misses the quiet mumble that you let out.

“Maybe you won’t need the drug after all.”

As if you hadn’t let that little bit of information slip, you pull back from him and Silco is stunned to find that all of that bravado he usually observes from you is gone.

A raw vulnerability that he’s never seen cross your features before. A tenderness that he feels downright privileged to experience.

You’re looking down at his lips with such beautiful desire as his fingers softly trace your silhouette.

He’s standing on the ocean bed. Drowned again for the second time in his life. His lungs full of a substance that makes it terribly hard for him to breathe.

But he loves it.

The door to the office bursts open, revealing a haggard-looking Sevika, as if she’s just run a mile or maybe ten.

Seeing her taking in the sight of you straddling him, Silco pushes you off him so you land in the space beside him, immediately crossing his legs in a way that he hopes is subtle.

“What is it?” he demands.

“We found Ziggy tied up in one of the storage closets with lipstick all over his neck,” Sevika replies before glaring at you, “But it looks like you already found the intruder.”

A sharp pang of something green rings in his chest as he snaps his head to see your reaction.

“You need to give your guards more time off if they’re so easily distracted by little old me,” you smirk, placing a hand on your chest as if you were the most innocent person in the whole of Runeterra.

And just like that, the performance is resumed, your cheeky confidence once again exuding from you.

His frown deepens, unwittingly putting his own mask back on.

Gods, you were more alike than he thought.

“Oh relax, I barely touched him,” you roll your eyes and lean in close to him, “I didn’t kiss his lips if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Silco despises how relieved he feels by that.

“You want me to throw her in the basement?” Sevika asks roughly.

There’s a pause whilst he considers his options.

What would happen if he finally took control of this situation he’d found himself in? Would the game be over? Would you lose that spark?

Would you get bored of him?

He couldn’t risk it.

“...No, let her go.”

You grin triumphantly and stand up, sauntering towards the door and blowing a kiss to an infuriated looking Sevika.

Before you exit, you pause, throwing him a sober look over your shoulder.

“Think about my offer,” you say, a glint of that vulnerability still deep within your eyes. A rare show of emotion that Silco needs to be all for him.

Him only.

And with that startling thought plaguing his mind, you’re suddenly gone, being escorted out of the office by his right-hand woman.

Silco isn’t sure how long he sits on his sofa, breathing heavily as he desperately tries to lock the memories of your touch in his mind.

He needs to feel it again.

He needs you to pull him under the water again and again until he no longer remembers what it was like to breathe normally.

He needs you.

A/N: alternate title for this chapter: But…. What If We… Stepped… On Silco??? 🥺 👉👈

Taglist: @pinkrose1422 @steponmesilco

#silco x reader #silco x f!reader #silco x you #silco #silco arcane #silco fic #part 3

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tekka-dan · 2 years

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Y’all haven’t seen me in awhile and I felt like I haven’t given an update on myself for a long, long time.

So firstly, those of you who know me (truly) know I was in and out of a (toxic/incompatible) relationship since 2020. I left him over and over again due to his abuse worsening, his behavior worsening of just simply realizing I didn’t deserve what he was doing to me.

Most of you don’t know that I stayed in the relationship past the expiration date and it’s entirely my fault. I was no longer in love with him and I had become a shell of my former self. I truly started to believe I surely would never do better than him.

Until one day I decided enough was enough. After another argument over something petty, as many times before—I decided I heard from him for the last time how much he hated me/was miserable with me. I had done everyrhing since 2020 to make up for my “past mistakes” while he took zero accountability for any of his, and I spent the entire relationship trying to make him happy while killing my own happiness/sunshine.

It got so disturbingly low at one point that on December 7th, 2021 I was admitted for surgery and I knew the risks of the procedure and I actually started to accept my death. I was so miserable, feeling so inadequate, misunderstood, self esteem was sitting at the pits of hell—I wished to never wake up from my surgery. Anything to never see or hear from that terrible guy again, the one who always made me feel worse about myself despite me always making sure he was good/felt valued.

I lived, obviously, and I went on to never ever speak about those thoughts during that time frame. Instead after my surgery he forced me to have sex with him being only 1 week post operation and my doctor told me I needed to go at least 3-4 weeks without intercourse. But he wanted what he wanted and I was vulnerable, miserable and lonely. After that more problems arose and he never said sorry to me for causing me further health issues.

Fast forward to January and my friend dies in a car crash and I was grieving for a couple weeks. Well this upset him. He came to my house one day with a notepad and sat down on my couch and the words that escaped his lips almost sent me through the roof. “Ever since your friend died, I’ve noticed you haven’t been wanting to have sex or give me blow jobs lately.” When I peaked over to that shitty notepad, I saw he had written in five different ways “not getting enough sex”, “need more blow jobs”, “needs aren’t being met”, “I need to have more sex and blow jobs”. I was recovering from surgery and I had just lost a friend in a crash. And this man was concerned about us not having sex. I should’ve been done. But as you maybe guessed. I wasn’t.

My grandpa died March 28th, 2022 and I was with my ex making mimosas and I informed him. That same night, not even two hours later, he was trying to have sex with me.

I spent so long in that detrimental relationship that I’m embarrassed and shamed that I didn’t recover quicker from it. I gave everything to someone that literally put me through anger issues galore, mommy issues out the ass, emotional and verbal abuse and constant gaslighting and manipulation - while he took my BEST qualities and attributes and turned around and is going to give the next woman his BEST self while I had to SUFFER to walk away with nothing.

That entire relationship was one sided and I’m torn in half by the fact I let him use and abuse me. And he gets to pretend that I was the (only) toxic one. Walking away was the best thing I ever did but it does something mentally crippling to you realizing how much of yourself you gave to someone to only realize how much of your time you wasted and the love YOU deserved they will willingly give to someone else.

I literally built that man up and all I got was abused. Lesson learned but now I will never tried another single person with my heart ever again.

Second, I’ll be moving on from mg job soon since it’s contributed to my low self esteem/worth and has made me absolutely abhor working from home altogether.

Thirdly, I am still seeing my therapist and she’s been helping me in little ways.

I just wanted to post some pictures taken today since this is the first time I’ve felt genuinely “appealing” after my self worth was completely demolished.

Thanks for reading this all the way (if you did) and I know I’ll be okay as time moves on. I just don’t want another person to waste my time ever again or take such extreme advantage of my kind, forgiving and genuine soul ever and I mean ever again.

#personal #my face #vent #selfie #me #myself

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recaffeine · 1 year

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5/29/2023

These past few weeks have been turbulent. There is a sense of guilt that I feel for having made it this far in life. Added on the fact that my 30th birthday was never supposed to be here, I could not help but be consumed by my emotions.

I've made so many mistakes along the way and I am the type of person to dwell in my sadness. It takes a lot of effort for me to look at the beauty in life.

Just recently, I experienced a sense of resentment coming from a friend. I could not exactly pinpoint what it was about though. I do sense his high levels of anxiety and insecurity through my everyday interactions with him. It was hard not to compare him to my past friends. Was it because of his self-hatred? Or was it because of his anger towards inaction?

I am aware of my status now as the king of my kingdom. My values and achievements have aligned. I have a doctorate, a girl that truly loves me, a best friend who is extremely loyal and a family who is kind to me. I paint my life with the same amount of adventure that my best friend one showed me. I've accomplished every goal that I wanted to do in my 20's. It draws the eyes of the miserable. It draws the eyes of the people that struggle with achieving a loving relationship. It draws the eyes of those who linger in the shadow. Their ego's feel personal attack and they are prone to look down upon other people to make themselves feel a little bit better about themselves. I speak from experience.

Judgment is passed due to one own's past or current inadequacies. I am no saint. Even though I try so hard to bring light into this world, I know that I am capable of just as much darkness. A hero would sacrifice their loved ones to save the world. A villain would sacrifice the world to save their loved ones. I'm someone who wants to save both. What does that make me?

Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Three years of therapy has taught me so much. My worth is solidified even in the absence of my achievements. My strength comes even when there not a single soul by my side. My wisdom remains present even from the chaotic fingers of everyday struggle. With great power, comes a greater role towards responsibility.

I am ready for my 30th year. I am ready for the golden year. I am ready for a year of peace and graceful charity. Though there are more avenues in where I would like to continue to grow upon, I wanted to stop for today and just admire at how lucky I am to get here. Not everyone can make it to this point.

I still sympathize for the sad and lonely ones. Things have changed since 2020. Beneath the anger, the hatred, the jealousy, and the envy; I see the sad eyes of the individuals who try to pass judgment onto others. Though I am not immune to negative emotions; I can choose not to revel in these feelings for too long. I refuse to allow my shadow and ego to become traits of mine. The ones who have hurt me the most taught me that.

I'm sure there will be more trials and tribulations ahead in my 30's. Yet today I want to just sit on my throne and admire the scenery. I smell the scent of the rose garden that I've planted. My eyes see the gleam and shine of the golden palace I've created. There goes the pleasant scent of the roses once more as it dances on the tip of my nose. This is inner peace. This the end of my 20's and the beginning of a new era.

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dragonwlw · 1 year

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Accepting loneliness

It took me a long time to admit and accept that I crave love. I was used to thinking I should not, because I have enough. And that it's somehow very wrong to be so "needy". I took me even longer to accept it's ok. It's part of me. It's who I am. Some people are loners. Some people thrive in crowds. Some are more introverts, some more extroverts. Some want lots of hugs, others not. All of that is all right - and so is me craving love. It took me even longer to accept that I cannot change that part of me. I've tried. I've tried to stop hoping. Or dreaming. I've failed again and again. Because it's who I am. Not all I am. But part of who I am. It is ironic how it was almost easier to accept dark parts of me. The anger that sometimes lifts it's head. The self-destructive tendencies I have. The insecurities I carry. The fears. The destruction I can cause. The strength that can become too much. The weakness too. It was hard to admit that all that is part of me too - especially anger and destruction. To admit and accept it is actually harder that to tame it, I've learned. But in the end I've accepted that parts too. I do not allow them to take over. But I know they are part of me, and we work. Now I'm learning to accept the loneliness I feel. To accept and no longer fight it. To accept and live with it. Parts of me will probably forever hope, but I'm learning to embrace it nevertheless. For me that's the next step of accepting myself. I must allow myself to feel. Yes, I must allow. Because it's just me who has the right to allow myself to feel anything and everything I feel. And even express it. I speak and write a lot about what I feel, the emotions we label "negative". Sadness, pain, sorrow, fear, loneliness. I do. I do not accept the society's norms that allow expressing just "positive" emotions, and even those just as long as they are tamed, and god forbid to express anything "too much". Well, that's ok, if you feel like that. It's also ok if you don't. It should be equally ok to laugh and cry. To say you are not ok, if that's how you feel. That never means I think all is black, that I feel just "negative", that I'm whining, or complaining, that I blame the world for all the misery, it doesn't even mean I am miserable. Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes sad. Sometimes I'm both at the same time. I just want to allow myself to feel it all, and (with consideration to others!) to express it. At the same time I love people around me, appreciate them, and also admit and accept I'm lonely, because for me it's not mutually exclusive. I can appreciate family bonds, and some kinds of friendship, and still crave different kind of connection. Perhaps in time I'll stop craving it. I choose not to dwell into that. Not yet, perhaps. For now I'm learning to accept my feeling and live with it. It's enough. Because I honestly believe the emotions we don't face, accept, admit, express, have way more power over us that those we do. In most cases it does us no good.

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#Thoughts

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errruvande · 2 years

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The broken king

I know i'm late for the prompt, but I wanted to write this so bad, so here it is. The 4th day of Armitage Summer Splash!

Trope: Betrayal Quote: “You’re the best thing that happened to me.”

Character: Thorin Oakenshield AN I wanted it a bit more angsty than it turned out to be, but still, enjoy 💖 I love some post-dragon sickness Thorin

For several weeks there wasn’t any sound heard from Thorin’s quarter. For several weeks nobody had seen Thorin leaving his room to eat, or to talk to anyone, he almost missed his coronation, if Dwalin hadn’t drugged the king out of his royal bed into the coronation hall, squeezed him into appropriate clothing and put his weakened body on the throne by himself.

Nobody could identify what Thorin’s behavior awaked in them. Feeling so close to being miserable and small but so full of anger and frustration, their heads were about to explode into a million little pieces, because of what Thorin didn’t do. Live as he made his dream come true.

He’s brought back his kingdom, gave his people home once again, their home, home they once lost and finally found. Gave his nephews a future. Why was he himself so miserable, so gloomy?

That was the first day in weeks they heard voices in Thorin’s quarters. Filli and Killi were trotting by his rooms to their own, faces made grim as fast as the door was within their eyeshot. They felt so lonely in the giant kingdom without their uncle being the cautious pain in their asses, but it was their favorite pain and their favorite uncle, and they wanted his grumpy warnings back. Never have the two brothers thought they will be missing their uncle’s tiresome lectures about what the king’s heir can and cannot do, and him rollking his eyes when he find out they did something stupid again. Killi and Filli just missed their uncle.

“Have you heard that?” Fili stopped midstep, head just slightly turned to Thorin's door. “He’s talking!”

Kili’s eyes widened in a matter of seconds, following his brother’s gaze with curiosity, he almost squealed. “I can��t believe he’s coming back!” He narrowed his eyes on his brother with a sly smile, before his hand hung on the doorknob. But before Kili had the opportunity to pull the knob down and push the doors open, Fili slapped his hand with his, making Kili jerk in pain, brows knitted together in frustration.

“We can’t just burst into his room!” Fili hissed. He always has been the most cautious out of two of them, probably because he had to guard his little brother from any given danger Kili was determined to drag himself into. “He sees us, he hides again!”

“Then we make a little gap and peep through…” Kili flashed his hand back on the doorknob and pulled it down, pushing the door so slightly so it couldn’t release any creak.

“What have I done? What have I brought onto my people?” They heard the gravy voice of their uncle filling the room, and for once they both shrugged, sharing a look filled both with happiness, for they finally heard Thorin’s voice again, and fear, for he was talking gloomy, self-destructive nonesens.

“I had everything! I had friends, family, I had their trust and their love and now I have nothing!” The crown slid on the floor, gliding to young Durin’s eyeshot. Thorin collapsed near the heavy circlet and Fili and Kili heard the one tiny sob. “I’ve ruined everything I had…”

He bent forward and wrapped his palms around the crown, staring at it for a long minute, sniffling inaudibly. Then he stood up on his shaky legs, balancing himself with his hand, Thorin put the crown on his bed, waiting for the weariness to end and dragged himself to the mirror.

Brothers saw the mirrored face, pale and much slimmer than it was when they had been traveling. Shivers ran down their spines as they looked each other in the eyes, holding back emotions the mere sight of his uncle boiled in them as Smaug's breath boiled the gold in the forges.

“You’re the best thing that happened to me.” He looked at his own reflection, finger stuck to the glazing. Thorin took a deep breath, fighting back tears, or what was left of them. “You, Thorin Oakenshied, are the best thing in your life and you betrayed yourself! Your kin, your principles, everything!” They saw his lips twitching in ugly attempt to stop the tears rolling down, to make his voice sound heavy and strict as it once sounded. “You were so weak, so miserable, you almost killed your friend out of greed, and now you’re killing yourself…” He cupped his face in his palms, letting the cry fly out of his mouth and break into the skin of his hands, but Kili and Fili saw his whole body waving with agony. “You told them you don’t want to die hiding, clawing for breath, but…” He studied himself in the mirror, mouth turning into a scowl, and overlooked the dirty room he hadn’t been leaving for a few weeks on end, when he finally saw the two pairs of eyes glowing in the door gap.

“Mahal help us!” They shot the door and hastened themselves to leave the corridor, when Fili suddenly froze midstep, lifting his worried eyes on his little brother. He shook his head, turning slowly and making his way back to Thorin’s door.

He found Thorin still standing on the same spot, eyes glued to the place he saw his nephews peeping on him.

“Uncle!” Fili burst into his room and in a few moments Thorin felt his older boy’s arms locking around him, and a moment later the second pair of hands had been wrapped around him as well. “All the things you said,” Fili was spluttering all over his words, breathing into Thorin’s neck, not willing to let his hands off his uncle. “don’t say that again! You have us, have all of us, our love and our trust, and you are more than just worthy of having these! Imagine the look of joy on Balin’s face when he sees you walking to the throne room? Bombur will be so happy to see you eating his food again! We all will be happy to see you live.”

Fili tore his face off Thorin’s neck and looked him in the eyes, in hope to find at least a little hope and live in them. “Don’t blame yourself for those actions, you were sick, you weren’t yourself when you’ve done it, please, uncle, stop torturing yourself. We don’t blame you, we never will! We need you!” Once more he embraced his uncle till felt he could hold his arms no more.

“You’re so grown up now…” Thorin wrapped his hand around Fili’s shoulder and another around Kili’s. “You’ll be a great king, Fili.”

Fili smiled, seeing the glint in his uncle’s eyes. “Someday maybe, but now I have my King, the greatest king of Erebor.”

Thorin couldn’t kill the smile that was slowly stretching on his face, as well as he couldn’t kill the burbling sound when Kili squeezed him even tighter in his embrace.

“Uncle?” Fili peeked at Thorin, eyes ever so smooth and warm; Thorin pulled one brow up. “Your friends are waiting for you.”

Thorin bent his back a little to see his nephews better, and the love nestling in Fili and Kili’s eyes while they were looking at him pierced his mind like the finest elven arrow.

“They’ve been waiting for me long enough,” he looked at himself in the mirror. He could’ve looked better, but it wasn’t the main question then. He finally was at ease with himself, finally wanted to step out of his cage. Kili tore himself off Thorin and jumped to the bed, taking the crown in his hands gently as he could and put it on Thorin’s head, looking at Thorin’s reflection proudly. “I won’t let them wait any longer.”

Tags: @lathalea @fizzyxcustard @thespiritoflife

#armitage summer splash #thorin oakenshield #thorin #thorin fic #thorin fanfic #the hobbit

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taestefully-in-luv · 3 years

Text

The Island | KTH (Twelve)

Summary: You’re just two strangers waking up in a room on a lonely island where a company in the business of love has placed you. They believe that thanks to their in depth research you two are destined soulmates. What happens when your ‘soulmate’ and you want nothing to do with each other but falling in love is the only way to leave?

Pairing: Taehyung x Female reader

Genre: strangers to lovers, very slight enemies to lovers, soulmates au, roommate au, slow burn, fluff, smut, angst, slight crack, and drama.

Word Count: 7.1k

Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, angst.

Notes: I know it’s short but here is chapter 12. It’s mostly just sad so please don’t hate me! Enjoy the chapter:) Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist, or send an ask if just want to chat about the stories!:)

Taglist: @ggukkieland @707sblog @peacedreamer14 @dopedreamfireparty @taebae19 @typicalgenzworld @mooniyooni @helenazbmrskai @justinetingball @jpeachytaev @marplest @calling-dips-on-j-hope @lecavivien @fancycollectormoon @mawwnsterr @siredsong @happyhrsme

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The cold chill you feel is either from the apartments running AC or your rattling nerves…it’s incredibly hard to tell which. You may feel like your insides are turning against you but your exterior is oddly calm. Being back in the quiet, chilly apartment with Taehyung feels like you are trapped in another dimension, where you are viewing yourself outside of your own body.

You both sit here in silence. The quiet is loud though, it booms and echoes and has you covering your ears for a moment. You aren’t sure what Taehyung is thinking but it must be a lot. He hasn’t even parted his lips as if words might escape him…no, it is more as if his mouth has been sewn shut. You aren’t much better though, you admit. But you realize the one who has to have courage here is you.

“Taehyung.” You finally say his name, the soft, calm tone of your voice is enough to make him flinch in guilt. “Tell me everything.” You request quietly. “Tell me why Hana is so attached. What keeps Hana from giving up? I want the truth.”

Taehyung raises his head to look at you, you see the way his Adam’s apple bobs as he gulps down his ever growing guilt. You just want the truth, the story, the explanation but he is struggling to find words. He feels the back of his eyes beginning to burn, he feels his chest tightening and his palms growing with pools of sweat. He hates this. He hates the truth, he hates the story and he hates the explanation. But he knows you deserve it. And he himself deserves to say it so he can face it and let it go…if it is that easy.

Taehyung wipes his hands on his jeans, repeating the action as he hopes they dry soon but they don’t. Not when he is this nervous, this anxious, this panicked. He loves you, he loves you, he loves you. He keeps saying these words over and over in his mind. He loves you.

“I told her I loved her.” He finally says, the words tumbling out of his mouth. He doesn’t look at you, his eyes falling to his hands.

Your brows immediately pinch together, your confusion growing and growing. You aren’t really sure that you heard him correctly. You aren’t really sure you want to have heard him correctly.

Taehyung slams his eyes shut as he grits his teeth together.

“But it isn’t like that, I promise you.”

You blink repeatedly, your eyes trying to find his but he avoids your gaze. You quickly shake your head and swallow your spit.

“You what?” you finally mumble.

Taehyung lifts his head higher and finally looks at you properly. His eyes are wet with tears, his lip trembling but he stops it by biting down on it.

“Fuck.” He closes his eyes again, a few tears slipping past the closed lids. “You don’t understand…” he tries to say. “It isn’t like that. I just…fuck, I really…”

“No excuses. Just an explanation.” You gulp. “Tell me exactly what happened.” You feel your chest closing in on you as you speak but you try to remain calm. “Everything.”

Taehyung is mad. He’s hurt. He’s betrayed. Your silence continues to destroy him. But is ‘mad’ even a good enough word to describe this rage that is building so fiercely inside him? Every day that passes he continues to spiral into a deep, deep pit. He feels helpless as soon as he opens his eyes, starting a new day. He feels small and vulnerable in those first few seconds after waking up. He doesn’t want to wake up anymore.

It’s gotten that bad, hasn’t it? That the thought of existing in this life makes him feel weak and useless. He can’t do this anymore. Who is he? Who was he? You know, before you. His body grows weaker every day, his mind withering away into dust. He doesn’t remember. The island feels like a dream now, and he just wants to sleep.

It’s been months of silence. It’s been hell. An eternal hell. What did he do? Why is this happening to him? Why is he going through this? Don’t you miss him? Don’t you love him? Taehyung is slowly breaking down more and more as the days pass, his insecurities overflowing and his loneliness consuming him. This place he is in…is dark.

His friends are worried of course and they try to spend as much time with him as possible. They are constantly trying to make him smile, make him laugh, make him breathe a little easier but this cloud over Taehyung’s head is dark. It flashes bright bolts of lightning, it carries the strongest winds and ice cold rain. Every day their hearts break more and more but they do not give up.

The night time air is warm tonight, maybe even slightly humid. Taehyung is already drunk, his intoxicated mind and body showing up late to the bar to meet his friends. He is in a strange mood today. A mood where he hates you. Despises you. And seeing Hana trying her hardest to woo him makes him feel like an ounce of insecurity is vanishing from his body.

But he didn’t expect this. He didn’t expect to be busting through his front door…kissing her, groping her, swallowing her moans. He isn’t here. Not really. Physically he is touching her, kissing her, making her feel good. But really, he is elsewhere. His mind full of you. You. You. You. Taehyung groans in frustration, in anger. But your face doesn’t leave his mind. His brain torturing him with images of you. He sees flashes of your face expressing emotion after emotion.

He loves you so much it is physically destroying him. He feels like his bones are shattering, like his skin is fucking burning, like his heart is being squeezed so harshly. And it is in your hands. You are responsible. But he isn’t entirely sure how he found himself in this position—inside her. Inside Hana. Inside someone who isn’t you.

Her moans fill his ears, the sound like nails on a chalkboard, like a screeching so unbearable it is overwhelming him in the worst way. His mind finds you again and again. He loves you. He hates you. He loves you. He hates you. He hates himself. He hates himself so fucking much. Why wasn’t he good enough then? Why isn’t he good enough even now? He hates you. He has to hate you. Your face haunts him.

He thrusts in and out of Hana, his weak body barely holding up as he fucks her. Your face, your beautiful face haunting him like a dedicated ghost of his past. He squeezes his eyes shut but your face continues to linger behind his closed lids. He hates you. He hates you. He hates you but FUCK. He fucking loves you. He loves you so much. He hurts so badly. He can’t function properly. So much hate. So much love. He sees you. He sees your face. And it is enough to push him over the edge, coming inside his condom. He wants to hate you. He has to hate you. But—

“I love you.” He cries out, his head falling onto Hana’s shoulder. He breathes out roughly, tears pricking his glossy eyes. But then he freezes. Even his breathing has stopped all at once. He realizes his mistake when he feels Hana freeze too.

“You what? You love—”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Taehyung lifts himself from her shoulder, “Wait.” He repeats over, his mouth going dry. He didn’t mean to say that…especially not to her. His mind was just overflowing and overwhelmed with you…he didn’t mean to let those words slip from his lips.

“Taehyung—”

“Fuck.” He rolls off her body, “I can’t fucking do this right now.” He stands from the bed, drags on some shorts and takes a bottle of soju from his nightstand. “Fuck.” He says, giving one last glance to Hana before rushing off to the bathroom.

Hana is confused but is quick to jump to her feet and try to follow him but he’s faster than her as he slams the bathroom door shut and locks it. She rattles the knob, begging to be let in. She pounds her small fists on the wooden door, she begs for an explanation. Could he really feel the same as her? She’s panicking. She wants to believe that but before than anything she just senses that something is wrong. Really wrong.

Taehyung begins spiraling further and further. The dark pit pulling him in intensely. What the hell did he do? What is he doing? He’s a coward. He locked himself away, hiding from reality. Which is what? Even he doesn’t know. He brings the bottle of soju to his lips and starts chugging it back, his eyes on himself in the mirror. He’s pathetic. His drunken vision making everything around him blurry…he’s becoming so dizzy, so sick.

After a while, Hana has given up and retreated back to the bedroom and assumingly fell asleep in his bed. Around an hour or so has passed. He feels his world collapsing around him. He feels how everything around him is cracking and breaking apart. But the most cracked, broken thing is him. He looks at himself in the mirror and stares into his empty eyes, these same eyes that used to gaze at you. These same eyes that saw your smile, laugh, cry. These same eyes that undressed you. These same eyes that saw you coming undone over and over. These same eyes.

Taehyung stares at himself, hating what he sees. You’re doing this to him. He went from being miserably depressed to angry. He’s beginning to blame you for everything with rage. But as much as he wants to hate you—he does want to—he just can’t. He can’t gather that type of energy in your direction. He just can’t.

So many different thoughts have gone through Taehyung’s head. Is he hard to love? That’s the main question that came out of all of this. You spent every day with him for 8 months and you weren’t even sure of your feelings. Shouldn’t a person know by then? He’s trying to be understanding…he is trying so fucking hard to understand but how can he? When he is balls deep in love with you and he doesn’t have to question it at all.

He is spiraling, he is being sucked into a darkness that he can’t crawl out of. He looks at himself in the mirror again, his eyes narrowing at his own reflection—disgusted with what he sees. He grips the empty bottle of soju as he feels his eyes wet with tears. He grips on to the bottle harder and harder, tears now leaving his big brown eyes. He growls out, groaning in frustration as he lifts the bottle up and throws it at his mirror. Glass shattering everywhere.

Startled, Hana jumps from the bed and rushes to the loud sound. She pounds on the door again until Taehyung finds himself unlocking it. She opens the door and sees Taehyung just standing lifeless, continuing to eye himself in the broken mirror. He likes what he sees much better. The cracked glass making for a better reflection, a more accurate representation of what he truly sees when he views himself.

“What the fuck?!” Hana yells out, rushing to Taehyungs side. “Are you okay???”

Taehyung walks closer to the mirror and lightly slides his hand down the cracked mirror, his fingers careful not to get cut.

“No.” he answers honestly and quietly. “I’m not.”

Hana is breathing roughly, her worries and anxieties only multiplying. What’s going on? Is this your doing? Are you to blame? The girl from the island?

Taehyung clears his throat as he finishes telling you his truth, his story, his explanation. His big, brown eyes look at you with tears, with sadness so deep it makes you nauseas. His eyes search yours, his hand reaching out to touch you but you are quick to pull back.

You are stunned silent. You truly do not know what to say. Your mind tries to focus on the fact that Hana thinks Taehyung told her he loves her but you keep thinking of everything else that was said, the broken mirror…the broken Taehyung. What did you do to him? What have you done to him mentally? Emotionally? Suddenly, Jungkook’s hesitance towards you makes even more sense. You understand his concerns but also Hana’s concerns. She called you a bitch and she is right.

It also makes sense why Taehyung feels so guilty, so responsible. He really fucked up. His guilt ridden state proves it. He’s guilty. Just like you. How is any of this healthy? You try to take a few deep breaths but you struggle. You aren’t sure where a steady breath is but you search for it regardless. You take your time trying to just fucking breathe. Taehyung becomes antsy just sitting here. He sighs out over and over, his eyes darting all around the room.

“Please y/n. Say something. Something, anything. Just anything at this point. Yell at me, hit me, but at least react! Please y/n.” he starts getting choked up on his words, his deep voice cracking in desperation. “Please say something.”

You just shake your head.

“y/n.” he begins to beg harder now, “Please baby, please.” He’s quick to jumble all of his words, he starts to re-explain himself now. Starting the story over from the beginning. His voice grows louder and louder as he cries out, he begins to break down. His tears falling from his swollen eyes, his breaths are sharp and his words are starting to lose their sense.

You just watch him with sad, tired eyes. Finally you open your mouth to speak just to whisper, “What did I do to you?” you let a moment linger before you stand from the couch and walk to his bedroom. The pitter patter of your footsteps drowned out by the sound of his tears. You walk inside the room and softly close the bedroom door…Taehyung manages to hear the click of the lock. While all you manage to hear is the sound of his cries.

~~~~~

You’re in a state of shock, maybe. You are in state so far away from your physical self that you have come to accept you aren’t one with your body right now. You’ve been locked in Taehyung’s room for like, two days now. You haven’t heard anything from outside…you wonder if Taehyung is even here. You don’t expect him to be.

Your phone starts buzzing and you shakily reach out for it when you see Ellie’s name on the screen.

“Hello?” Your voice is quiet, shaken, defeated.

“Want to explain your texts to me?” Ellie says on the other line, “Why the hell are you sending me paragraphs talking about how you are a horrible person?”

“Because I am.” You say, your guilt bubbling over all over again. “I am the worst.”

“I find that hard to believe…but why?”

“Not talking to him…ruined him El.” You start to sniffle…”I ruined him. He acts like he’s okay now but how much of this is fake? How much of this is he just covering up with a forced smile?”

“Hey, hey.” Ellie sighs out, “You knew things weren’t going to be easy going into this—”

“Yeah but when is enough, enough?” you cut her off, “This isn’t healthy. For either of us.”

“y/n. Wait.” You can imagine Ellie closing her eyes in frustration as she listens to you. “Don’t tell me you are giving up already?”

“It isn’t giving up…it’s just..”

“You love him, right? He loves you, right?”

“Is love enough?” you ask quietly. “There’s so much hurt…there’s so much that is unresolved.”

“Then work it out! Talk about it! Fucking communicate!” Elli blurts out, “Jesus y/n. This man is the love of your life and you’re not even willing to work on it? This wasn’t going to be easy. You knew that from the beginning. This was going to be hard. This was going to take work. For fucks sake, you two were traumatized. You two were put into a complicated situation and you somehow still found your way back to each other.” You nibble on your lips as you listen to your sister. “I’m sorry to be tough on you but god, someone has to set you straight! You can’t give up on this.”

“O-Okay…” you sigh out, “I’ll try.” Then you feel your phone buzz on your ear…you pull the phone back to take a look at the notification, only to see a text from Jimin.

“I love you y/n. I just want you to think things through properly. You know?”

“I love you too. Yeah, I get it.” You say. “I’m going to try to get some sleep…I’ll call you later?”

“Keep me up to date.” Ellie says before saying her goodbyes and hanging up.

You breathe out, trying to calm yourself after the conversation you two just had. Is Ellie right? It’s just…you knew Taehyung had a hard time but you didn’t know it was that bad. You get distracted from your thoughts when your phone buzzes again.

Jimin 8:04pm

Can you come over?

Jimin 8:10pm

Please.

Your chest once again starts closing in on you as you read his texts. You rise from Taehyung’s bed and slip on a t shirt and some shorts, you smooth down your hair and walk to the bedroom door. You place your ear on the wood and wait for any sound of life…but there is none. You slowly creep open the door and poke your head out. He’s not here.

y/n 8:14pm

He’s not there is he?

Jimin 8:24pm

No.

You sigh in relief. You step out into the living room, find your shoes and text Jimin that you are on your way. Lucky, his place is walking distance.

As soon as the chilly air hits you, you feel that same chill you felt in the apartment a couple days ago. Is it the weather or your nerves? Your mind has been in a state of uneasiness since Taehyung told you about the night with Hana…but you also feel lost, you feel empty. You haven’t even been able to cry. You’ve just been so disoriented. Like your soul has been misplaced.

The streets of Seoul are quiet tonight…maybe in honor of your feelings. You walk slowly, taking your time to get to Jimin’s. Too afraid of what he might say. Your mind begins over thinking, your mind goes into over drive. You finally stand outside his place and take a deep, deep breath.

You hesitate at first, but finally your fist is knocking on his door. You wait a few moments before the door is being opened and a Jimin with tired eyes greets you.

“You’re here.” He says softly. “Come inside.” He stands to the side to let you in.

His place smells of lavender. It’s subtle and soothing and you find yourself inhaling the scent, the aroma calming you.

“How are you?” You hear from behind you, his voice careful but sweet.

You turn around to face him, your eyes finding his and you see how they are full of sympathy, full of pity and your face immediately scrunches up into a look of pure devastation.

“I know.” He whispers. “Come here.” He opens his arms, ready for you to walk into them. You hesitate…not entirely too sure if you will find automatic comfort in Jimin but somehow you feel your feet walking forward. Your head bumps into his chest, your shoulders begin shaking in his grasp. You can’t control it. The pain you feel.

“It’s okay, I am here for you.” He whispers softly, his hand finding your back and rubbing it soothingly. “You can cry.” And you do. You open your mouth against his shirt and a whine of sadness escapes you. Your shut eyes streaming with fallen tears, your cheeks getting soaked. He sighs out as he holds you, his hand still patting your back as he tells you it’s okay.

“Jimin.” You sob against him, “I don’t know what to do. Everything’s so fucked up.” You cry harder and harder as he tells you he knows. His smooth voice is all the comfort you need…but his arms is the true source of comfort right now. You cry like this for a while, time zooming past you as you let go of all of your emotions. Jimin finds himself getting teary eyed at your break down.

“y/n…” Jimin finally says something after a while of you just quietly sniffling into his chest, “You doing okay?”

You slowly begin to pull away from him, your face puffy with swollen eyes and snot running down your nose. You subtlety nod your head and he gives you a small, soft smile.

“He ended things with Hana, you know? They won’t be in contact anymore.” He tells you, but he sees how you don’t even react.

“Isn’t that good?” he asks, “You won’t have to worry about her.”

Taehyung and Hana stand outside the bar, she is sniffling and swaying from side to side. Although she is still drunk, this entire situation is beginning to sober her up. She cannot even look Taehyung in the eye though, she’s too nervous.

“Hana.” Taehyung finally says her name. She hates the way the word leaves his mouth…like he tasted it and threw it away.

“I-I-I-…” Hana’s lips begins to quiver as she finally finds his cold eyes, “I’m so sorry.” She gets out, “I’m so sorry.” She steps forward but he steps back. “I don’t know what came over me. I regret it, Taehyung. I didn’t want to harm her in any way…I just… I was so overwhelmed with my feelings…”

“Hana…” he closes his eyes, then opens them to look at her properly.

Hana is a sweet girl. She always has been. But trying to throw a drink at you? That’s crossing a line but is it his fault?

“I’m not that type of person! I really, really don’t know what came over me Taehyung. I’m not like that…” she struggles to breathe, her words tumbling out of her mouth.

“I know.” He tells her. “I know.” His face hardens and he continues to stare at her with his old, distant eyes.

“Please don’t contact me anymore—”

Hana looks at him in disbelief, her face twisting into one of ever growing confusion.

“How could you ask that of me?” she spits out, “I’ve been so, so worried about you.”

Taehyung’s cheeks begin to grow red, his becomes embarrassed remembering that night…with the mirror. Why did she have to see that? See that side of him?

“I’ve been so worried.” She repeats and he bites his lips in guilt.

“Hana…I am so sorry.” He breathes out, closing his eyes again. “I’m so, so sorry.” He opens his eyes, they are full of regret. “I’m sorry you had to be there that night. I’m sorry I led you on that night…I’m sorry you witnessed an ugly side of me. And I am sorry I said “I love you.” But those words…” he pulls his brows together, guilt consuming him once more. “…Were not meant for you.”

“Whether you feel the same way as me or not doesn’t change the fact that I am worried. I still care about you.” She begins to grow angry, “You were miserable because of her!”

“I’m sorry but…you don’t actually know her. So you opinion on her hardly matters.”

“But what she did to you…”

“It was wrong.” He admits, his eyes glossing over. “It hurt me. But she had her own reasons, her own demons, her own fight with herself.” He tells Hana. “But again, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to involve you like this. It wasn’t fair. But I am okay. I am okay now. y/n and I are working things out. She makes me happier than any sadness I went through.”

“You….you’re happier now?” she mumbles, wiping at her face. “You’re really okay now?”

“Yes.” He tries to smile. “I promise.”

“I’m going to choose to believe you…but please…be happy, Taehyung.”

“I will. But for the sake of my relationship…it’s best if we cut ties.” He tells her softly, “I appreciate your concerns…and you. But I really—”

“I get it.” Hana cuts him off. “I get it.” She nods her head, disappointment written all over her face. “Goodluck, Taehyung.”

You listen carefully to Jimin about how things went between Taehyung and Hana, you nod your head as he speaks and hum occasionally. But Jungkook’s words are lingering in your mind.

“Hana is the least of your worries.”

And he is right. Hana only opened the door and opened your eyes to the real problem : You.

“For fucks sake, woman.” Taehyung runs a hand down his face. “I am literally falling in love with you!”

Your eyes quickly dart across the room, you try to find something to focus on—anything but Taehyung.

“Look at me.” He demands of you. “Now.” And then you are feeling his fingers at your jaw as he softly guides you to face him. “I am going to make sure this works no matter what. And that will take a lot of fucking communication. So talk.”

“I…” your eyes finally find his, they’re like a pool of chocolate and you find yourself wanting to take a dip. “I don’t know if I am ready.” You breathe out, the admission making you feel small.

Taehyung gulps, his hands coming together to rest in his lap.

“Ready for what?” he asks, the nervousness evident in his voice.

“You.”

Taehyung’s hands are sweaty as he holds onto himself, bracing himself if you are to continue but you don’t. You stay silent as you search his eyes.

“Tae?”

Taehyung blinks at you, clearing his throat.

“I…” he begins, “I understand.”

“I do like you Taehyung.” You clarify before he can overthink. “I just—”

“I said I understand.” He reminds you softly. “And trust me, I know you like me, I would be blind to think you didn’t. I don’t play games y/n. I don’t want you to either. Be real with me, be honest.” He releases a shaky breath. “You’re still going through a lot, you probably don’t have closure…you probably have a lot to work out when you get back home.” He says quickly, “Love is the last thing on your mind—”

“That’s not true!” you cut in. “God, Taehyung you make me…you make me want to forget everything. You make me want to stay on this island with you for forever.”

Taehyung blinks at you again before he offers you a small smile.

“But that’s not real life y/n.” he looks down at his hands, “I want to experience real life with you.” He finds your eyes again, “And you aren’t ready for that.”

“I want to be.” Your eyes begin to wet with tears. “I really, really want to be.”

“I know baby.”

“Slow.” You scoot closer to him, “I still want to be in this. Just slow.” You say, not believing yourself. Your trauma isn’t your only problem here. It’s this whole damn company.

“You still want me?” Taehyung whispers softly and you begin to feel yourself melt into liquid, your body puddling on the couch.

“Tae…” you lean into his space, pecking his lips lightly. “Yes, of course.” You lean back and smile. “You mean so much to me…” you look down at his tense hands. You want to comfort him now. “You are such a light in my life.” You fingers cover his hands and your squeeze lightly. “I feel so strongly for you.” You admit. Hating yourself for being so drawn to him.

“Yeah?” he releases some of the tension in his body through a long, shaky breath.

“Yeah.”

“Then we have to communicate. I know it’s hard. But y/n, I am quite literally desperate to make this work.” He sighs, “I will do whatever it takes. And I just want to know if you will do the same.” His dark eyes pierce into yours and you find yourself being even more drawn to him, leaning closer and closer like he has you under some sort of spell.

“Yes, Taehyung. But…”

“She quit her job out of nowhere! Came back home? This isn’t damn suspicious to you honey?” Your moms voice is loud enough for you to hear from the living room.

“She said she has her reasons sweetheart. Let’s just trust her, be there for her.”

“Do you think this has anything to do with that boyfriend she had? You think they broke up?” you mother pries further, making your father roll his eyes.

“You think our daughter would move to another town just because of a break up?” he groans and you bite your bottom lip as you eavesdrop.

You hear your mother scoff, “Wouldn’t be that surprised. She’s known for running away when shit hits that fan.” She reminds your dad and you feel your eyes gloss over and the slight burn of your throat.

“Sweetheart…” you father warns, “Let’s just be there for her for now, she will come to us eventually.”

But will you? Even your father isn’t sure.

You feel the tightness in your chest only intensify as you recall your memories. Taehyung watches you with careful eyes as he thinks of your life and the things you’ve been through. He grabs you by the wrist and pulls you into his chest, your head getting buried into his shoulder and he starts to soothingly rub your back.

“You can cry if you need to.” His voice is soft, softer than you have ever heard it. This only pushes you to listen to him…you cry. You cry just as hard as you did in the elevator that first day. He rubs circles into your back and whispers sweet words into your hair. You hate this. You feel pathetic. But somehow you feel yourself getting freed with every tear that drops and soaks into his t shirt. You finally…finally after all this time, for the first time, feel someone’s support. You feel someone understand you, believe you.

“Taehyung…” you cry into his shirt harder as that realization hits you. “Taehyung…”

He slams his eyes shut and inhales you. The scent of your shampoo filling his senses and he goes dizzy.

“I’m here baby. I’m here.”

But he won’t always be here, you think. Once he goes home why wouldn’t he just continue to live his normal life? Why wouldn’t Hana wait for him? He’s amazing. He’s absolutely the best thing that has happened to you in the last year. Why wouldn’t someone wait for him?

This only makes you cry harder. He pulls you into his lap and continues to stroke your back. He is terrified. He won’t say that out loud, but he is. He is falling for you harder and harder with every moment he spends with you, good or bad. He just wants to protect you, to be there for you, to make you safe and happy.

“y/n?” he leans back to get a look at your crying face, but you only shove your face deeper onto his shoulder, refusing to be seen right now.

“Will you look at me?” he softly pleads. “Please.”

You hesitate for a moment but finally lift your head, showing him your swollen eyes and puffy lips.

“Still think you are falling in love with me?” you joke pathetically and Taehyung smiles sadly.

“I think I already am.”

You get pulled out of your memories with Jimin gently shaking your shoulder, he looks at you as your eyes fill with tears.

Taehyung gulps, his hands coming together to rest in his lap.

“Ready for what?” he asks, the nervousness evident in his voice.

“You.”

Taehyung’s hands are sweaty as he holds onto himself, bracing himself if you are to continue but you don’t. You stay silent as you search his eyes.

“Tae?”

Taehyung blinks at you, clearing his throat.

“I…” he begins, “I understand.”

“I do like you Taehyung.” You clarify before he can overthink. “I just—”

You can’t help it…the tears are uncontrollable. You are stuck in your memories. You are stuck with words of the past…that have such relevance to right now.

“I…” You hiccup, Jimin holding on to your hands. “I’m not ready for this.” You finally admit.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Jimin panics, “You’re not thinking of—”

“You’ve been a good friend, Jimin.”

“y/n, wait—”

Jimin’s wide eyes are pleading as his stares at you, his words practically falls out of his mouth as he begs you to rethink this.

But you can’t. You won’t. Your mind is made up.

~~~~~

“We should probably talk about it, right? What this all means, I mean.” His questions causes a shift in the atmosphere. The air becoming a little thicker.

You only nod and turn on your feet to head back into the bedroom. He quickly follows behind you, both of you stopping at the foot of the bed.

“Let’s talk then.” You bite your lip, swaying side to side.

He needs to be honest. He is clearly so confused about all this. Fucking puzzled. He means, what if just what if this company was real? And this company was…right? Are you really a match made in heaven? No, that can’t be. That would be fucking ridiculous. He’s being ridiculous for even considering it. But you two obviously need to talk. Have a fucking chit chat.

You plop down on the edge of the bed and he follows your lead, finding a spot right next to you. Your knee shakes up and down quickly while you play with the hem of your shirt. You’re obviously nervous as fuck, which he can’t really blame you. He watches you for a few moments before hesitantly placing a hand over your shaking knee, trying to stop the anxious movement and hoping to God he is not crossing any serious lines, he’s just really getting annoyed by your shaking knee and needs that shit to stop. You turn your head to face him and he is met with a look of frustration. He turns his head to face straight ahead and with a heavy sigh he says, “I feel that way too.” Because it’s true, you both must feel the same. It’s not like you want to be stuck here with him either. Right?

You finally let out a long breath, “How long?” you whisper. “How long will we be stuck here?” you begin to sniffle as your eyes become wet. Shit. He brings his hands to his lap and interlocks his fingers together.

“I…I don’t know.” He answers honestly. “But what are your thoughts? On what we read…” he clears his throat, clarifying as if it wasn’t already obvious.

You suck in a sharp breath, “I don’t know what to believe.” You admit. “But we are…” you gesture between you two, “This is—This is not happening.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes as if that was the most obvious statement in the world. He. Could. Not. Agree. More.

You continue, “Someone deciding for me? On this part of my life? That doesn’t sit right with me. No fucking thank you.”

“Yeah, me either.”

“I mean,” you turn to face him, “You seem decent and all, when you’re not being an ass, but this is all insane. Just insane.” You wear an annoyed expression, shaking your head in disbelief. He breathes out of his nose in attempt to laugh.

“Yeah, you’re telling me.”

“But…” you pause, choosing your next words carefully…you have to be careful with this next part. “But if it’s real? What are we—” and yup, just as expected, you are cut off with just a look. He furrows his brows together and pushes his head back in surprise.

“This can’t be forced y/n.” he states firmly. You raise your hands up in surrender.

“Oh my god, Taehyung. I know that! I fucking know, jeez. But we have to talk about all the possibilities.” You say firmly, “We’re stuck here for who knows how long and you read the same thing as me, right?” you push on, “3 months? 6 months? A fucking year?” you drag a heavy hand down your tired face. “And don’t even get me started on these damn ‘Requests’ and whatever they are!” You are clearly very frustrated…Taehyung looks at you with the same pity you’re sure he feels for himself.

“Okay, okay.” For the first time Taehyung speaks to you much more softly. “Listen, they can’t keep us here forever? We are going to prove we are that 1%. We just got to stay out of one another’s way and just wait it out until they return us home.” Then his frown deepens, “But wait, what about the ‘Requests’?” he asks, concern lacing his voice.

You strum your fingers on your thigh, staring down at your lap, in deep thought.

“I know this is weird but…” Taehyung starts.

“I know, we have to talk about it.” You finally look up at him and your entire face has gone pink.

“If the ‘Requests’ are, I don’t know, “pure” enough, we could just like do them?” you look at him with doe eyes, “Or like, if the penalty isn’t that bad…. I don’t know.” You ramble on.

The thing is, neither of you know what to expect from these ‘Requests’ and their penalties. It’s one huge mystery. And neither you nor Taehyung are a fan of mysteries. Taehyung watches as you begin shaking your knee in total panic again when he clears his throat.

“Hey…I think we can worry about that when or if the time comes, okay?”

“When or if…” you repeat slowly. “Okay.”

He stands from his place at the bed and begins walking towards the bedroom door.

“As long as we stay out of each other’s way, we should be good.”

“Stay out of each other’s way…” you nibble on your lips, “Like, we don’t talk or anything?”

“Precisely. You do your thing, I’ll do mine.”

“But—”

“That’s just the way it’s got to be.”

“Fine.” You speak bitterly, “Fine by me.”

Stuck on a beautiful island in a beautiful house with a beau—with a man. What could possibly go wrong? Vacation from hell, here we go.

You sit on Taehyung’s living room sofa, the apartment eerily quiet until you chuckle bitterly at your memories. The place may be silent save the running AC but your mind is loud. The sound of the front door unlocking and opening doesn’t even make you flinch. You have been waiting in anticipation, expecting him to eventually show up.

Taehyung walks in, not saying a word. He quietly sets his keys down on the table near the front and begins dragging his feet towards his living room. He stops in front of his couch, breathes out a long, tired breath as he finally takes a spot on the couch, sitting away from you.

He sits down, sighs out and fold his hands in front of him.

You aren’t entirely sure how much time has passed, how much silence has lingered between you two. Neither of you saying anything yet saying everything. You both know. You sit here, your head bowed down as you continue to think. Your loud mind becoming even louder…like a booming sound effect echoes annoyingly, causing you to get a headache.

There are three things you know: One, You love Taehyung. Two, you aren’t ready for Taehyung. And three, he isn’t ready for you. You finally lift your head, your glossy eyes searching the room before they find him. His eyes find yours and you both share a look of despair. You both feel the pain of this.

Taehyung scoots closer to you, his hands scrambling to find yours. You accept his hands easily. He leans in closer and closer until his soft lips find yours. The kiss is slow, soft, and torturous. He pulls away from you, his fingers cupping your jaw before his arms wrap around your shoulders, pulling you in and holding you close.

“I fly out in the morning.” You tell him, your voice is soft and calm. You feel him nod in understanding, his fingers tangling in your hair as he massages your scalp.

“Will we…” he clears his throat, trying to make sure his voice doesn’t crack. “Will we still talk?” he asks as his chest tightens.

“This isn’t….the end, is it?” he gulps back the burning in his throat.

“I don’t know.” You decide to respond honestly. And you really, truly do not know. You realize this is much bigger than what the island did to you. This is much bigger then Hana’s presence in Taehyung’s life. This is much bigger than Ben. This is to the core…about you two. And how you are each the most imperfect human beings who just…can’t. Not now at least. Not when you have so much to heal from, so much to go through. There is so much growing to be done…as individuals.

“Let’s not have any expectations.” You say quietly. “That could hurt us more in the end.”

Taehyung closes his eyes as he breathes you in, like it’s for the last time. And it really might be.

“I understand.” He chokes out softly, “I understand.”

He kisses the top of your head, his lips staying on your hair for several seconds, causing you to close your eyes and release a long breath.

He holds you close this night. He inhales you over and over. He memorizes every millimeter of your face as he gazes at you. He doesn’t want to let go of your hand at the airport, he doesn’t want to say goodbye. But he knows he has to let go.

You fly back home and you aren’t sure how it happened…but…

One entire year passes you both by.

#bts #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #bts fanfic #kim taehyung #taehyung x reader #taehyung smut #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #the island chapter 12

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saabbi · 3 years

Text

Regret part 9

Light in darkness

Genshin Impact Adeptus! reader

warnings: self-deprecation, imposter syndrome

word count: ~1.7k

notes: please remember that you are loved, and not just in the fic itself.

[previous] [next]

No words are needed to exchange. Zhongli must surely be curious, worried even, to find out what happened in Snezhnaya. But he remained quiet, pushing away the rampant thoughts running across his mind.

What’s most important isn’t digging out what happened, but that you’re alright and safe.

Zhongli doesn’t miss the pale complexion on you, making sure to swing by Bubu Pharmacy to ask Baizhu for some antiseptic cream and aspirin just in case you’re still feeling unwell.

He brought you to his residency, which is unsurprisingly close to the funeral parlour. A few sprouting flowers in the interior caught your eye, the blue distinguish colour resembles that of a jewel. It must be a good season for glazed lilies to grow and bloom.

“Would you like tea?” Zhongli turns his head to you, holding up a few cups.

“Yes, please.” He also takes out some cakes, but you didn’t have the heart to tell him that you’re way too full for some tea snacks.

Zhongli is definitely inquisitive, his occasional glances and slight frown shows that he has much more to say apart from asking if you want tea and snacks.

But he didn’t ask you any questions, never pressuring you into telling him. He decided to wait until you feel ready to talk about it. For you, he can always wait.

You hold the cup in your palms, the warmth gradually spreading to your whole body.

“Zhongli,” you take a sip of the refreshing tea, making up your mind. “Can you ask Ganyu and Xiao to come? I… have something to tell you all.”

Zhongyi nervously nods with his heart thumping, not sure if he’s ready to hear what you have to tell them.

Silence fills the room, then your sharp inhales, the unsteady voice and shaking pupils as you begin to speak.

Your shaking voice, your spilling emotions, your trembling hands. The suffocating feeling in your heart and the bitterness in your throat. You keep on going, you can’t think straight, you feel light headed and exhausted, but you want to keep going. You want to tell them, the things you saw, the things you felt, the worthlessness eating you away.

Ganyu tugs your arm and hugs them tightly, Zhongli and Xiao each resting a hand on yours to remind you that they’re here. They let you keep going, even if you look like you’re in pain.

They listen in silence, allowing you to spill everything in the safe space. You stop for a second, hearing sniffles from the horned girl next to you.

Ganyu shakes her head, telling you that she’s okay, and that you can go on.

With trembling eyes and hoarse voice, you tell them, how you thought you would be okay even if the Tsarista didn’t need you anymore, thought it would be okay even if she throws you away. But you weren’t, your heart sunk to the bottom when she implied that you’re no longer needed, as if all the time you spent by her side as a faithful subordinate meant nothing to her.

You mentioned that you know the Tsarista is only interested in the power you possess, you repeatedly told yourself that if it’s what the Tsarista desires, you shall comply without any hard feelings, for you are her harbinger, her title-less twelfth harbinger.

So why did it hurt so much? Why did you feel something worse than physical pain? Like you were stabbed with thousand swords, mercilessly piercing you without a break, making you lose your breath and vision cloudy.

It felt like the world crumbled, blood rushing to your head and the sudden heaviness taking over your body.

Oh. In the midst of talking your own feelings out, you realised- you felt angry, desperate, hurt, betrayed.

You realised, that over the years, loyalty is not the only thing that sprouted. You always brushed it off, pretending like it never existed, but deep down, you felt angry.

Angry at the Tsarista for pulling you away from Liyue, angry at her for letting you go through terrible things, even if you can’t remember clearly what happened.

The mixture of admiration, loyalty, desperation and anger has always stuck within you whenever you see her cold yet graceful figure.

But you had nothing except her, so you clung onto your loyalty towards her and repressed other thoughts of her, ignoring the tingling senses and blindly telling yourself that you’re always loyal to the Tsarista.

Every single word that comes out, Zhongli takes them in all, even if it pricks his heart like thorns. He takes a deep breath and shuts shis eyes, he wants it to stop. But he knows he has to listen and share your burden.

He wants to listen, even if it hurts, lamenting for the times he couldn’t be there for you. But now, he could. And the least he could do is to listen to you.

In the past, Zhongli failed miserably as a guardian, but now he has the chance to be with the three of his beloved adepti once again. He’s the listener, he’ll always be willing to listen to you if you confide in him.

Zhongli takes one last gulp of his tea. He embraces the crushing pain in his heart and clasp your hand tightly.

You stutter and choke out some incomplete sentences in the process, words tying into knots, but it’s okay. There’s no need for you to rush, they have all the time and undivided attention for you to tell them whatever you want.

Your right hand feels like it’s about to be crushed, somehow. You glance over to the side and is met with another pair of amber eyes.

Glossy eyes filled with uncertainty, concern and shock. His mouth gaped open, unable to find words, so he chooses to hear instead of responding.

The way you described your journey in Snezhnaya feels lonely to him. Xiao is no stranger to the feeling of solitude, but your gaze feels far, far more lonelier than what Xiao has ever been through. He watched as unfathomable emotions swirl in your eyes, your gaze shifting every so often in trying to find the right words.

A part of him thinks that, perhaps he should’ve sought for you, or even just send a single letter millennia ago instead of pathetically dreaming in the Wangshu inn, then perhaps you wouldn’t have to always feel like you're all alone without anyone to rely on.

Xiao holds your other hand tightly. He doesn’t know how to show affection, but he hopes that this reassures you that you’re no longer alone.

Your lone narrative went on for minutes, then hours, until you lost track of time. You then mutter the last few sentences.

“I lost my powers, I don’t feel qualified to be an adeptus anymore, I-“ this part is harder to say than anything else. “I don’t know why I’m here, or anywhere anymore.”

“I feel like I…lost my purpose.” First was your abandonment from Zhongli, the bane of your misfortune. Then was the Tsarista, the one who broke you more than anything else. You feel lost in life, wandering without a purpose.

“I’m just a… nobody.”

Slam. The sudden impact on the table made you jump. You look up at Xiao who suddenly stood up and slammed his fists on the table with brute force.

His frown is deep, eyes burning with fury and looking at you with disbelief. He is livid.

“Don’t you dare say that one more time.”

Confused, you furrowed your eyebrows and tilt your head a bit. At first you thought he’s mad at the fact that you willingly let your powers be taken away from you, but that doesn’t seem to what he’s mad at.

“You are not worthless, not a nobody. I won’t forgive you even if you say that one more time, even if you said it yourself.”

Xiao clenches his fist tightly, glaring at you. He rarely gets mad at you, it makes you feel a bit guilty.

“Xiao’s right.” Ganyu joins in, her palms squeezing your arms with force making you turn to her. “Please do not say that, ever again. You mean everything to us, how could you- how could you say you’re worth nothing?”

Ganyu has a sorrowful look instead. You don’t know how to respond to them, you can’t figure out whether the present incompetent you means everything to them, or the you they once knew and adored.

You think of the latter one. After all, there’s nothing much on you that is actually worth something.

Zhongli seems to know what you’re thinking, as he slowly opens his mouth. “My child.”

“Nothing changes the fact that you’re an adeptus, one of us, with or without your adeptal powers.”

“No matter the past, present or future you, will always be the one we love.” His gaze firm and solemn, trying hard to convey his feelings to you.

“You don’t have to be perfect, it’s okay to be incomplete.” Zhongli stands up and treads towards you.

He stops next to you, bending down a bit before enveloping you into a tight hug. You stiffen up.

“Because no matter what, you are you, and nothing will ever change that. And the fact that we love you will always be true.”

Hic. You let out ugly voices from your throat, breaking into a ugly sob and staggered breathing.

The warmth warping you increases, with Ganyu and Xiao joining.

Zhongli soothes you by brushing your back softly, Ganyu patting your head and lightly ruffles your hair. Xiao appears to be quite awkward at first, but decides to rest your head on his chest and warp his arms around your head as you sob.

It’s so warm, so warm that it feels unreal. Words of affirmation and love is such a stranger to you, the words and actions they display makes your chest hurts.

Your heart tugs at you, but you know it’s not because you’re sad, it’s because you feel relieved, happy, and thankful.

You are loved. Even if you don’t realise it.

Love is not determined by how much one spends time with each other, nor will it diminish with time or distance.

Forgive does not mean forgetting. The past cannot be reverted. The resentful decisions Zhongli has made in the past remain embedded in history and cannot be undone.

However, it does not mean that relationships cannot be rebuilt. A step at a time, as long as you’re willing to, as long as you are here and with them, things can start over.

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aphrodite-would-be-proud · 3 years

Note

Hi! How are you doing? ^^ ☆

Just wanted to know if you could make a headcanon about how would it be like after an argument with Armin? Please

Tysm for reading me, I love your work ♡♡♡

You're so sweet and nice ♡ of course I'd love to do one and tbh we must be on the same wavelength because i was just thinking about that yesterday!!!

I really liked your idea so imma do both a scenario and a headcanon! Hope you don't mind?

After an argument with Armin

{ Armin x reader | tw: hurt/comfort, self-image issues | angst with happy ending | modern }

{ "Moonlit View" byOscar Kleineh 1846 - 1919 }

Being with Armin had its many, many perks, one being that he's really empathetic and understanding, he doesn't assume things without evidence and knows misunderstandings happen.

When facing problems or disagreements, he thinks of a solution, not argue. He rather you work together against the problem than against each other.

Whenever you were in a bad mood he'd assume the best and think of what might have caused it instead of taking it personally, he knows you still love him, he knows you're just stressed. Maybe comfort could help? Maybe a lovely cuddly evening? Or maybe you need some space?

He's just really good at reading people's emotions and handling these situations, thanks to his efforts you both successfully managed to avoid any kind of arguments or fights most couples go through.

Which is why it was a shocking surprise to everyone when Eren got a call from Armin late at night, asking if he can stay over because you two just had, what he described as, the biggest fight.

Eren almost didn't believe him at first, he thought Armin was playing a prank on him. But then he heard the quivering in his voice and the hiccup that followed. Armin was crying, things were serious.

The last thing he said to you while putting his coat on was "I'm sorry, I'm weak, you and I know that."

Him saying that, in that tone, with those tearful eyes, made you want to get up and yell at him that no he isn't. He shouldn't just say that about himself like it's a fact and not just the results of years of self-doubt.

You wanted to hug him, to pull him closer till all those awful thoughts leave his head, till he sees at himself like how you see him, incredibly brave and determined.

But you didn't, you stayed there on the couch as he put his shoes on. His eyes pleading for you to say something, anything. To tell him to stay, to come sit near you. He even looked at you one last time before opening the door.

As you stared at him in silence, the realisation that you don't even remember what you were fighting about hit you, you can't, how could you? The minute the door closed behind him is when you realised how real the situation is.

How quiet the house is.

Has it always been this cold?

And just how much worried you are about him.

It hasn't been a full minute and you're missing him already.

—

It's 4am

It's hours since he left, how much exactly? You can't even remember.

Still haven't moved from the couch, you're not sure what you're feeling, you've been going through different emotions each hour.

Guilt, sadness, regret, anger, denial, pessimism, you name it.

It doesn't matter, none of that really matters to you right now. It's Armin who you've been worried about for a while that matter.

You know for a fact Eren and Mikasa aren't the most emotionally open people, you know Armin is already struggling with letting out his emotions without feeling needless guilt or shame.

You know he needs someone right now, he needs a shoulder to cry on and a reassuring voice. You've been both these things for him since even before you got together.

Just like he has been these things for you too. You need that someone just as much now. You didn't even know it's possible to feel this lonely.

Is he also thinking about you? Is he sleeping soundly on Eren’s couch? Or is that one stain from last week's party bothering him?

...is he just as miserable as you are right now? Probably not, you think. He's far stronger than he gives himself credit for, you know that better than everyone else.

Your thought process gets interrupted by a buzz from your phone, a text. Your eyes light up, you pull the blanket you dragged from the bed tighter around you, it's Armin.

[ hey ] it said, [is it okay if i call you?]

You reply back, he starts typing again, you stare at those three dots like your life depends on them.

[Okay, give me a minute please ]

You pull the phone closer to you, it's brightness contratsing against the dark living room. Some minutes pass...nothing, you feel your heartbeat rising. Phone still clutched in your hands.

It rings, it doesn't get past the second ring before you've pressed the accept button. You can hear the wind on the other side, alongside the distant sound of passing cars. Your heart only slows down after hearing the fimilar and oh so lovely sound of soft breathing

Suddenly the world doesnt seem so dim anymore.

"Sorry, it took more time than i thought, Eren keeps his keys in really weird places...I hope i didn't make you worry"

Oh If only he knew..

Dozens of possible replies run through your mind.

I missed you, did you miss me too?

Please come back, I hate feeling this lonely.

How does it feel to take my heart and run away?

Was your voice always this captivating or am i just high on sleep-deprevation?

I miss your kisses, i wish i could feel your lips against mine. Could you kiss me through the phone?

...in the end, you settle for "It's okay" you say, "It's alright."

"That's good...hey listen." You listen, "I'm not going to skirt around the subject, i called because" he takes a deep breath, "i want to apologise for how i acted, for what i said, both to you and myself."

Hearing him admit to his faults and own up to his mistakes, fills you with courage to do the same. You apologise, you mention how you've been thinking about him, you leave out the embarrassing parts.

You tell him you love him, and miss him.

You're met with silence. So you call out his name.

"Wait..you're not mad at me?" He says.

What? Mad? You?

"No." You say. "Why would you think that?"

You hear a chuckle that evolves into a laugh, it's contagious.

"Fuck...oh god I'm...im so stupid, i left because I thought you were mad and didn't bother you more by making you look at me." Even he seems to realise just how ridiculous that concept is.

It's 5am now, you're both laughing over the phone. The world is good again.

You ask if he's mad at you.

He instantly replies with a no.

"I could never be mad at you..." he says, "I love you so much it hurts. I love you like I've never loved anyone else before that it terrfies me, I'm scared one day I'll wake up and you won't be beside me anymore, you've made me love myself in ways i never though i would, you made me believe in myself because you believed in me."

{ Headcanons }

After an argument, Armin tries giving both of you space to calm down.

It doesn't last long because he will approach you after and talk about his emotions and explains why he did the things he did. He will also apologise for the things he did wrong like yelling or saying something hurtful.

If you give him the okay, he will instantly hug you. Physical touch is a great comfort for him so don't expect him letting you go anytime soon.

He will hold your face gently, tell you how much he missed you despite it being only hours.

Doesn't even care about the argument anymore or attempt to bring it up, he just wants to make up asap.

You're both gonna have a heartfelt conversation and actually process your emotions together. As a result you two come out stronger and closer after each argument.

He doesn't hold grudges, so he won't ever act passive aggressive after an argument. if he's got a problem he will tell you.

Just 100% honestly and transparency with this golden boy.

Will want to spend more time together post argument, he will really love it if you watch something together or you let him read you something.

Give him love and affaction, he loves you deeply it's actually rare these days.

When you go to sleep on those nights, he will hold you tighter and stroke your back.

He doesn't hold grudges yet he still remembers each fight you had and instead of it being a sour memory, he thinks of it as a learning block. Just a step towards understanding each other more.

Pamper him more after an argument and he will feel so loved, hearts in his eyes as you brush his morning hair.

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oceanspray5 · 3 years

Text

BBRae Little Mermaid AU

So y'all asked and I had most of it written down therefor I now deliver! It's a lot longer than the usual headcanons but when I can't bring myself to write a full fic I usually compensate with longer more descriptive hcs.

Inspired by this lovely fanart by @suerakocy

On to the story:

Once upon a time in a Kingdom deep within the sea, the merfolk lived in peace and harmony with the humans until Trigon the Terrible took over. Since then, the legends changed and merfolk became known as evil creatures, sirens and water demons that lure innocent humans and ships to a watery grave.

Princess Raven, daughter of Trigon, wants to escape her terrible father and the ocean. She hates the corrupt rule and the misery of her people. Gifted with a sense of feeling beyond that ordinary merfolk experience, living under the ocean where all manner of sea creatures is hell for her since their anger and despair and misery and wicked happiness pours into her day by day, threatening to corrupt her too.

She dreams of living on land because she thinks the land is a perfect place to outside her father's sphere of influence and the misery she causes. Whenever she can spare a moment, her favorite thing to do is to swim up to the shore and bask in the sunshine which is unlike the cold depths of the sea and watch the people and feel their emotions which are so pure and refreshing compared to the ones of the sea creatures. Even the most miserable of humans is refreshing because their emotions are mingled with other more positive emotions too unlike the kingdom of the sea (we're gonna call it Azarath instead of Atlantis just because) where all the merfolk have know for decades is misery.

Raven sees the people on land have friends and family and are happy together and wants to be happy too. She wants to find people like her, and if she can't find them then she's fine being alone as long as she doesn't have to be miserable all the time.

One night while she's taking a swim above the surface she sees a huge ship. She swims closer to get a better look especially after she hears music and laughter from the deck.

She sees a dark haired man dancing with a girl with red hair. To the side are two men watching them, laughing and teasing each other. Raven can't help but notice that the one with the green eyes is particularly handsome. They all seem so carefree and relaxed. So content. She wishes she could be their friend and be happy the way they all are. The group of friends seems so close and her longing to be something more than what she is comes back to her.

Before she can ponder on her lonely thoughts much longer, the ship catches fire and Raven can only watch in horror as the crew and the friends scramble to get off in time on the lifeboats.

Everyone makes it of course except Gar and that's when Raven realizes why. He was so busy making sure everyone else got off that he got trapped on the deck with no way off.

What surprises her tho is that amidst his and everyone else's panic, she can also feel how at peace he is. He's terrified but satisfied that everyone else has gotten off the ship. He's made his peace with death and it makes something flutter in her heart because of how selfless one human can be. She's not used to people putting others before themselves.

Gar decides to take a final risk and jump into the water despite how tumultuous the waves are and she dives to catch him.

He's already inhaled some water when she reaches him but when she drags him to shore, she uses her healing powers on him to fix the bleeding and the burns on his arms and face. She also heals his lungs from the inside cuz they were damaged from the smoke and water inhalation.

Meanwhile, BB is slowly waking up and he sees Raven silhouetted by the light. He thinks she's the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. He mumbles something about an angel which startles her cuz she didn't know he was awake. By the time he's fully conscious, she's gone and he wonders if it was a dream.

The only difference he can detect is that he's a lot less injured than what he expected to be but before he can dwell on it, the others find him. Everyone's focused on the miracle that he's alive at all and Vic tells him to not think on his lack of injuries too hard and just be glad he's in one piece.

Raven watches from behind a rock from nearby feeding on the thrill and joy everyone feels at finding the prince alive. She feels pride for once because she was able to help someone out of their pain. She also is more intrigued than ever by the man. He called her an angel. She wonders how and what that is. She wants to get to know him and his friends more.

Raven is even more desperate to be on land afterwards. Being so near Gar while healing him, she could feel his emotions and they were like a well that replenished her after spending so long in the desolate wasteland of emotions that was Azarath. She has nothing keeping her in the sea so she desperately searches for ways to become human and in one of the underwater libraries discovers an old tomb which talks about a magic gem, a gift from a human, that can grant a mermaid legs to live on land.

Raven knows her father would have hidden such a thing from her and goes searching. She finds it but Trigon finds her and while Raven escapes, she can hear Trigon's threat ringing in her ears that he would find her even on land and would punish her for stealing from him. That he'd drag her back under the sea for a torturous eternity once the humans reject her because they will reject her.

Raven makes it to the sea's surface before her tail splits and she doesn't have time to notice where she broke the waves so doesn't see its right in front of a ship. Luckily someone sees her over the side of it and dives in to help her out. Raven only sees that it's the very boy she saved about a month ago before she faints from the exertion.

When she wakes up, she's beneath the deck and the redheaded girl is with her. Kory sees Raven scared and desperate and decides they should help her so Gar offers they bring her back to the royal palace. He senses something familiar about her but can't tell what and decides not to say anything while Raven is still panicked.

At the castle Raven meets Dick, Kory's betrothed, and Victor who is Gar's best friend and right hand man. Raven learns that Gar is actually a prince and is a little overwhelmed cuz she doesn't know royal etiquette for land but everyone assures her that Gar is the least princely prince there ever was especially when it comes to titles and snobbery.

Nonetheless, Raven is rather cold and stand offish at the beginning cuz she doesn't know how to behave around any kind of people. She never interacted with the merfolk either but she especially doesn't know how to interact with humans despite observing them for years. It's a lot harder to act the part than it is to watch.

The others take time to warm up to her too but are welcoming as they can be. BB keeps insisting he knows her from somewhere but she keeps avoiding him or denying it. She doesn't want him to recognize her because of the whole mermaids are seen as evil myth and is afraid he'll ask enough questions to realize how she saved him. Despite her denial, Gar is persistent and confident he has seen her before to the point of being a nuisance. He just doesn't remember where from.

Since there's no time limit to Raven's stay she gets closer to each of the land Titans over the weeks and they teach her new things and new feelings. She's never felt so happy in her life. Raven has to keep hiding from Trigons minions though especially near bodies of water and it makes her act weird sometimes if she can sense danger coming. This confuses the rest of the group but BB is chill and takes it in a stride. He's ready to accommodate her whenever she behaves strangely and while he denies he's falling for her, he ain't fooling anyone.

While it does take some time before Raven opens up and falls in love and same for BB, they both can't help the instant connection they have. Raven finds Gar's humor stupid but she also loves it because of how giddy it makes her feel knowing someone is trying to make her laugh after she spent most of her life upset. He forces her to try new things and it's always worth it.

Gar finds Raven to be a mystery but aside from the mental itch that he knows her from somewhere, he falls for her compassion and the way she feels for everyone around her. Her dry wit and sarcasm make him laugh too.

Eventually one evening, Dick and Kory and Victor make themselves scarce forcing Raven and BB to go out alone. It's a date and they are finally forced to confront the tension between them. At the end of the night they almost kiss too but are interrupted and the moment is ruined so Gar just walks her back to her room. Raven just leaves him with a kiss on the cheek.

After a long night filled with giddy glee tossing and turning, Raven plots her next move and decides to finally confess. She's so happy cuz she can feel that Gar feels the same way for her. She's confident in it despite her previous doubts.

Except... when she goes downstairs she overhears Steve telling Gar that he's arranging an engagement ceremony with Princess Terra. Steve tells BB that it's about time he got married and settled down instead of fooling around with his friends all day.

Raven arrives late so she doesn't hear the part where BB was arguing with Steve against it. She just hears his defeated "okay" and that breaks her heart.

She thinks he was playing with her and that he never wanted to be with her for real. That she sensed his feelings wrong.

Over the day she hides in the castle and refuses to see him even though he looks everywhere for her. She can't stand the cheerfulness of the palace servants over the impending engagement either and for that same reason she avoids Dick and Kory and Victor too cuz she's sure they'll be happy their best friend is getting engaged.

By evening time she's just defeated and she stands on the beach by the ocean. She knows it's dangerous. But she doesn't care.

When Trigon finds her this time she thinks there's no point in staying on land if the boy she loves is getting married to someone else and if her friends are all going to support him. The heartbreak she feels is as severe as the misery she felt on Azarath under Trigon's rule. She has nobody left on land and nobody in the ocean. Does it matter where she's more miserable? At least in the sea she won't have to see BB and Terra be in love and happy together.

Trigon sees her and wants to use this to his advantage hoping he can finally corrupt his incorruptible daughter. He pretends to be all concerned that she is heartbroken and tells her that he tried to warn her there is nothing worth finding on land and that humans are the evil ones. That she never would have fit with them. He asks her if she's going to come back willingly or with a fight and Raven is too tired to fight. She knows Trigon's "care" is a lie and that he will punish her for disobeying him.

She hears BB and the others looking for her, calling from a distance. She doesn't think she can tell them the truth or say goodbye so she says yes and right as her friends turn the corner to find her they see Trigon laughing evilly as Raven turns back to her mermaid form.

That is when Trigon reveals the truth: he tells her she's a foolish child who never even knew she's half human and now that she's given back the gem her mother left her, Trigon will make sure she never finds it again.

Raven realizes the gem had more power than just the ability to turn her into a human. It was a source of power because it contained a human's love and Trigon needed Raven to give it to him in order to wield its full power. She feels betrayed at the realization but there's nothing she can do.

BB reaches her at last. He finally knows she's a mermaid and knows she's the one who saved him. He asks her why she didn't say anything, why she's leaving. She's surprised that he isn't scared of her but he tells her he loves her. He's been looking for her all day to tell her. Raven is shocked because What about Terra? The engagement?

Gar finally tells her that it was against his will and he was fighting Steve on it and why he wanted to confess to her today. He also realizes that's why Raven is leaving and feels himself grow cold at the thought of losing her.

Raven realizes she made a mistake but she can only whisper an "I'm sorry" before Trigon creates a hurricane and forces her away back beneath the waves, the storm traveling with them above the surface.

BB gets on his ship with Victor and Dick and Kory. They want to try and save Raven using all the arsenal they have at their disposal. Meanwhile Raven is fighting her father herself too. Knowing that the gem and it's power are her's, she calls upon all the positive feelings of love and encouragement and joy being with her friends taught her and fights Trigon.

She defeats her father while the other Titans help but the gem ends up broken in the process.

They all wash up on shore where people are watching from the cliffs cuz it was an odd storm and curious onlookers emerged to see the tail end of the battle. They see Raven emerge with the prince and his companions and see she is a mermaid but they also saw her defeat the evil mermaid king who was why everyone was so afraid of mermaids. They are confused at what is happening but the friends on the shore have no clue they have an audience.

Raven realizes the gem is broken and is heartbroken cuz there's no way for her to stay on land without it and for Gar to love her. He he tells her she's wrong. He loves her regardless if she's human or mermaid but he's also sad because this means being together with her will be harder.

Raven wants to be human so badly but then Dick points out that her mother was human so maybe she can choose to be whatever she wants at any time. It's worth a shot so Raven tries to will her tail into splitting again so she can be human.

It works! Everyone rejoices!

Steve is waiting for them when they come back and he's mad because the kingdom is in a frenzy and what is happening?! But before he can demand answers, Gar firmly tells him that he's not gonna marry Terra. He's going to court and hopefully one day marry Raven. Steve gets angrier because Raven is a mermaid but BB says "Half mermaid. Her mother was human."

Steve is not appeased still so Gar says "What better way to unite the land and sea than through a union? Raven's the princess of the sea and I'm the prince on land. Our marriage would celebrate a new age of peace between both." Much as he tries, Steve can't argue with that logic especially when Rita decides she is firmly on her son's side so he says fine.

Everyone cheers and is ready to celebrate multiple victories. One over Trigon and one over Steve.

Gar is ecstatic and he laughs and lifts Raven up to spin her around in a hug (cuz that's cute. I can see him doing that in excitement) and when he finally puts her down he leans down and their lips at last meet in a kiss.

Roughly a year later, mermaids are no longer seen as evil. Azarath is now a peaceful happy kingdom again governed by a panel of mermaids and mermen with Raven visiting to keep the peace for them. Human merfolk relations are healing.

The story ends with Gar and Raven getting married with both the kingdoms celebrating for their new king and queen of both the land and the sea.

And they lived Happily Ever After...

The end.

So... This is it. If you want an actual BBRae fairytale story and not just hcs I have one of those too that you can read right here.

#Bbrae #Teen titans #Beast boy #Raven #Rachel roth #Garfield logan #Gar logan #Garrae #Garchel #Raven roth #Beast boy x raven #Bbrae au #The little mermaid #Pls tell me what you think about this cuz i am very keen for validation #And you can come talk to me about any hcs you have for these two dorks too cuz I love talking to ppl about their fav hcs for my ships

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levis-coffeecup · 2 years

Text

Chapter 13 | Silent Rains

WC-5.4 k

Content/Warnings

canon- compliant, canon-typical violence, descriptions of PTSD, grief, depression, heavy angst and themes, strong language.

Author's note:

Hi guys, I’m back again.

Firstly I’m so so sorry for not replying to the comments on the previous chapter yet. I’ve genuinely been very busy. And the internet at my campus is REALLY shitty, and it takes so long to upload chapters as well. But I promise I’ll reply back to you guys today:)

This chapter takes place 2 weeks after the previous chapter, and the song for this chapter is yet another desi song - Channa Mereya by Arijit Singh. (the lyrics are translated in the top comment.)

Chapters

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

Masterlist | Playlist | Other Works

JUL 846

The morning sky looks colorless. Budding rays of sunlight hide behind thunder clouds. And vultures run around in circles, their piercing cries haunting and ominous.

Thunder reverberates around, and the sounds of teeth clattering amplifies as a result.

"This is a bad omen, vultures are harbingers of death."

"Shut up, it's the weather, that's all it is."

Tension lingers in the atmosphere, as the Survey Corps staff waits at the headquarters’ main gate. The soldiers are out for the mission and medics, chefs, maids, are all lined up, praying for their fortunate return.

Shades of gray become silvery as the sound of a thousand taps takes over. The quiet reticence is broken by the sound of people bustling as they run to take cover inside the open corridor.

It’s almost the end of July and the first rain of the year. Marking the outset of the monsoon.

Mae stretches her arm outside, into the rain. Pearly beads of water trickle down the back of her hand.

Ivan has already left two days ago. And Mae has resigned as well. She’s just waiting here to see if Hange comes back alright from the mission. And bid them a proper farewell.

And she wants to meet Petra as well.

To be honest, she doesn’t really want to leave this place. There are wonderful people like Hange and Petra who have been so nice to her. The job is stable and even though the pay isn’t much, most of her living expenses are covered by the Survey Corps budget.

But she has to make a choice between the pain in her heart, and her comfortable life in the Survey Corps.

It’s been 2 weeks since that incident with Levi, and she hasn’t spoken to him ever since. The tables have turned, and now she avoids him as if he is a plague. Now she walks away every time he steps into the room.

The events of that day feel like a distant memory. Sometimes she wonders if Levi really did that and berated her as he held her up by the collar.

After all, it was her Levi. The same Levi who gave her food when she had nothing to eat. And who gave her a shoulder to cry on when she was left all alone in this world.

And if it wasn’t for him, she would have probably killed herself, because only she knows how lonely and miserable she felt after her parent’s death.

How could he of all people do that to her? How could someone be so double faced? How could someone fake their concern and emotions to this extent?

Humiliation, anger, disgust , distress, she felt it all that day. And it is indeed ironic that her feelings for him are still relentless. They seep into every thought and interrupt her every action.

Ever present in the chambers of her mind, and shattering her heart in the most ruthless ways possible.

It’s embarrassing how much she still pines for him. He literally told her to never show him her ‘disgusting’ face again. He lashed out at her, he lifted her up by the collar. Even when it wasn’t her fault.

Then how could her stupid excuse of a heart still want him, when he has spoken out loud, how much he despises her. How could her heart still want her to forget all that he has done, and run back to him. Does she have no pride? Is this how despicable she really is?

She needs to forget him.

She needs to forget the person whose mere thought submerges her in a pool of misery.

As much as her heat still sways towards him, from now on her mind will always remain stable.

And forgetting him will be much easier once she gets out of the Survey corps. Once everything in the place doesn’t remind her of him. Once he is out of her sight, she’ll push him out of her mind as well.

Her eyes land on the open headquarter gates and she thinks about the life she'd have outside them.

Minutes pass by, and it starts raining harder.

A picture forms in the horizon. Her hand flies over her mouth and a gasp escapes her lips as she sees the marvelous landscape forming far in the distance.

Glossy threads of water disperse everywhere as horses step into puddles of water. They gallop at full speed, and the fog around the forest makes it look like they are emerging from the clouds. Soldiers tread closer at a rapid rate. Raindrops rebound off of them and a silvery silhouette hovers over. Their olive cloaks fly behind them harmoniously and they look like heroes. Heroes coming from heaven.

The sound of hooves becomes louder.

The gates are open wide, and everyone holds their breath as the soldiers draw closer. Waiting to know the result of the expedition and nervous to see how many soldiers have died this time

Stallions fill the courtyard. And the soldiers finally return home, smeared with blood, sweat, and dirt. A closer look at their faces, and anyone can tell that they have been through hell.

But there is a difference this time, there is a fire in their eyes and hope in their marred faces.

The halls get lively once again. The scouts descend off their horses. Some rush towards their friends and hug them, and some stand frozen, mourning as they take out the dead and injured out of the wagons.

Stretchers fill the corridor. Nurses rush in, to check the pulse of the wounded.

It’s common for expeditions to have heavy casualties. Sometimes people die in the wagons itself, as its constant movement leads to more blood loss and damage.

And the medical unit in the Survey Corps has always been inadequate in strength. They have plenty of beds and six big wards. But they don’t have enough staff, because that’s not something they can afford with the budget they have. And so it is important to determine who is in need of attention, first. And treat people according to the severity of their injuries.

Doctors dart to the infirmary, and the critical ones tail right behind them, loaded on stretches that soldiers carry.

Anya stands in front of the infirmary door. Jotting down the names of the injured and the doctors looking after them. Doctors get occupied one by one, but the injured coming in don’t seem to stop.

"How many more?" Anya yells out in a panicked tone.

"There's a lot this time," Mae deducts, pointing a finger out as she counts the number of stretchers coming their way.

Fifteen, seventeen, twenty -

Her actions stall as her eyes land on a head of jet black hair. Face doused in red, drops of rain washing it away to reveal lithe eyebrows and features way too familiar.

No sound comes out of her mouth, but her feet move forward with a will of their own. And she scurries to him mindlessly. Pellets of water hit her head as she pushes her way through the crowd.

Murmurs float around, and the soldiers seem to rejoice despite the fact that so many have returned injured again this time. Their whispers peck her ears, and she finally makes sense of what’s happening.

"Captain Levi killed 12 titans on this mission itself."

"Impossible, that's more than the kill count of Humanity's Strongest."

"Captain Levi is the new Humanity’s Strongest now idiot. I witnessed it, he saved us all back there."

Her feet start moving faster, and her heart lurches forward as she gets closer to him.

Skin ghostly white, blood dribbling out of his lips. Levi's body lays motionless, drenching in the rain, doused in his own blood.

Her hand quivers as it reaches out towards him, fingers wrapping around his wrist. Her thumb hovers over his pulse point, hoping that this is just some nightmare, yet scared to find his pulse too still.

The scouts carrying him stop, as they recognize the white gloves that only doctors wear.

The raindrops clear Levi’s crimson face, and an eerie silence falls over as more and more people recognize him.

Another round of murmurs fills the courtyard. And this time everyone is aghast.

Seeing Levi this battered, injures the new found hope they had found as well. Their eyes travel to Mae, who stands next to Humanity’s Strongest. And it's tragic how much they look up to the doctor whose mind is busy convincing her to leave this place, and the man that has hurt her so much.

They are looking up to a doctor who is a little too lost in her emotions, a little too biased by her experience. And a conflict is brewing inside of her as her hand gently strokes his wrist.

These were the same hands that unrelentingly lifted her by her collar, holding her there and berating her until tears pricked her eyes. And now the pulse beating through them is low.

Her finger then rove over his parted lips.

And this was the mouth that had rudely dismissed her when she had confessed, despite him not uttering a single word to her in weeks. And now the exhales coming out of it are so slow and shallow.

The things that happened with them were surely tragic. But if today is the day Levi dies then she would want to do things differently.

She would want to yell at him, punch him. She would want to ask him, if he was using her to learn this language along? And if the time they spent together truly meant nothing to him.

She would want to if the Levi she knew, was never the actual Levi after all, but just a deception.

Red. She stares at the pads of her fingers, which are now slathered red with his blood.

Love, anger, pride, resentment, sadness. A weird concoction of emotions storms inside of her, as her heart and mind wage war against each other. She doesn't know what she’ll do next. She doesn’t even know how he feels about his state. She just knows that she is prickling in its sheer red.

She just knows that she's burning in this heavy rain.

Someone taps on her shoulder, and before she can respond a voice hits her ear.

"Please, Mae you have to save him." Pleading blue eyes look down at her, it is Erwin.

He, of all people, knows exactly what had happened that day. He of all knows that she has resigned already.

Two weeks back he told her to stay until he found a replacement for her, three days back he told her that he'd found someone fit for the job.

She is just here to see Hange. And Hange is alright, standing at the corner with a list in hand, as they check how many soldiers have returned back.

And Mae is free to leave. A new life is awaiting her, just outside these barracks. No person, no responsibility holds her back this time.

But her heart runs rampant at the sight of him. And she is so embarrassed of this part of her that wants to save the man who’s hurt her countless times. Who’s the reason for all of her sadness.

Does he even deserve an ounce of her kindness?

"Please Mae," Erwin’s hands are clasped in front of his chest. For once, he isn't commanding but requesting.

The injured are lined up one after another. And so many of them are in a critical condition. And waiting for a doctor only means making Levi wait in such an unstable condition.

Unable to meet Erwin’s eye, Mae gazes at the people surrounding them. And silencing her anguished heart, becomes difficult once she sees all the soldiers looking at her with such trust in their eyes.

Oh! How she hates the injured man in front of her. Who disposed her off, as if she is some trash that disgusts him.

But what she hates more is her weak and pathetic heart.

And the way she feels for him. So strong that it sweeps her into a spiral-like the winds of a cyclone. So strong, like flowing in waves that are sure to drown her down.

That are sure to kill every ounce of self esteem she has.

But right now she’s not just looking at the man who has hurt her immensely. She is looking at the man, who’s proclaimed the new Humanity’s Strongest. She’s looking at the man who all these soldiers look up to with so much hope.

A doctor’s job is to save a life. And is Levi any different just because he hurt her?

The thought toys with her injured heart a little more. And she hates him so much, for the way he makes her doubt herself and her actions.

But she also hates seeing him like this. Covered in his own blood.

After all, this is the same Levi who was once the only source of light in her life.

She doesn’t even know what she feels for him at this point. Love hate, or something blurred between those lines?

Slowly, her head turns to Erwin, the desperation in his eyes overrules her ego as she gives in to her heart's desires.

The lump in her throat makes it difficult for her to speak in proper sentences, so she just gives him a weak nod. Because she knows her pathetic heart will never stop tormenting her, if she leaves him in such a horrible condition.

To the end she’ll be the bigger person, because when she thinks of Levi a year later, she doesn’t want to feel that at some place she went wrong.

And so she’ll let her heart win for a day. She will allow herself a moment of weakness. Because after this, she’ll be somewhere far away. She’ll move on with her life.

And she’ll never see Levi again.

━━━━━━━━━━━━

Fresh air flies past through the window next to Levi. It tousles his hair, as his body lays unconscious , draped in bandages and pricked with injections.

The beds next to him are empty, and the area is silent. He is placed in a small ward, where it's just him and no one else.

Mae insisted on keeping it that way, and not placing him with all the soldiers who are jam-packed in all the other wards.

She claimed that Levi likes solitude, and well who knows Levi better than her in the Survey Corps?

Sitting on a chair, right beside his bed, she gawks at the sun as it drowns itself behind the looming trees. It was hardly seen today, hiding behind the thunder clouds that still rain relentlessly.

Levi hates rain. It makes a mess out of everything.

The sound of the door opening resounds through the room, and Mae turns around.

"I heard you’ve been here all day," Petra says, as she stands at the door frame with some tea and biscuits in one hand, and a cast wrapped around her other.

Mae pulls another chair next to her as Petra limps forward.

The Special Operations Squad returned heavily injured from the expedition. Eld is resting in another ward, and Gunther is still unconscious. Petra has fractured one hand and sprained her leg, and Oluo is the only one who made it out without a scratch on him.

"You haven't eaten anything, take it?" Petra extends the tray forward once she sits on the chair.

"I don't feel like it…” Mae’s voice trails off as her gaze flickers back to Levi again.

"How is Captain doing?"

Mae remains silent for a moment before she says. "He's fractured his leg and his ribs... but I am most concerned about the wound in his stomach, it's very deep and has caused a lot of blood loss…”

Petra looks at Mae with concern. She’s been sitting here for hours now. Not letting Levi leave out of her sight for a single second. Not even getting up to take a break or eat something.

“I made you tea,” she offers.

Levi always told her to give Mae some tea whenever she looked upset. And today he isn’t here to brew her the tea himself. So she made some hoping that it alleviates some of the worry in her heart.

Mae picks the tea cup, and throws Petra a grateful look. She is quick to take a sip and her face turns into one of distaste. “No offense, but it seems like your fracture has affected your tea-making skills… “ She takes another sip despite the taste, “But I’ll finish the tea either way, because l really, really appreciate you making it for me.”

Petra smiles sheepishly at her words. Of course she can’t compete with Captain and the tea he makes. “Yeah it was a little hard, making it with one hand.”

Mae's heart warms and she smiles for the first time in many days and Petra places her hand on Mae’s and squeezes it to convey reassurance. "He'll be alright, I'm sure of it."

But the words bring no reassurance to Mae, to her they just seem like baseless predictions just made to make her feel better. And Petra can sense that by the way Mae’s gaze falls to the ground.

“Hey,” Petra gives her hand another squeeze. “I know you don’t believe me, but I’m not saying all these things just to make you feel better… An abnormal titan had penetrated deep inside our formation this morning, when we were returning back to the walls. And that left a lot of people heavily injured…We had to stop midway to give them first aid, the soldiers wouldn't stop pleading about it. We stopped at a destroyed village, there weren't any titans nearby so we thought it would be okay. But then Section- Commander Miche heard footsteps, and titans came rushing before we could wind everything up..... The injured were on the ground, medical supplies and food sprawled all around them. Everyone was panicking until Commander Erwin told our squad to fight the titans and buy some time."

Her hold on Mae’s hand tightens for a second and then her face turns into one of awe

"They just kept coming and he just kept killing them. He killed 12 titans all by himself Mae! I can't even tell her how fast he was, so fast that I couldn't even see his movements… He is so exceptional, he fights like he has nothing to lose." She raves, and Mae can see the admiration that sparkles in Petra's eyes as she speaks about Levi.

"And he didn't even injure himself because of a titan, his gear malfunctioned and he crashed. Can you believe it? He is so good, that it wasn't even his mistake." She pauses mid-way, and a silly smile crosses her features as she realizes that she’s ranting.

Petra’s hand shifts from Mae’s and lands on her shoulder. "All I'm saying is that Captain is a fighter. And you have nothing to worry about."

Mae finishes her tea, and flashes Petra a genuine smile. “Don’t forget to take care of yourself as well, Petra.”

Petra nods and she places the plateful of food on Mae’s lap,”I'll go check up on Eld and Gunther now, please do eat when you feel like it." And with that, she picks up the empty teacups and tray and hobbles away.

The room becomes quiet and Mae finds herself alone with her thoughts once again.

She looks at the fearless man Petra talked about, as he lays swaddled in blankets.

To her, he isn't fearless, nor is he a hero or humanity's strongest. He is just a human she befriended. Just a human who knows everything about her- from her favorite color to her deepest insecurities.

Levi’s right-hand pokes out of the blankets. The injections pricking into his forearm, acts as a barrier against the blanket that covers his whole body.

Mae places her fingers on his hand, roving them over the coarse skin of his palm.

It is cold.

The atmosphere is gloomy, the endless downpour adds to its melancholy. Levi isn't just a capable soldier anymore, he is an idol, giving people assurance that maybe, they do have a chance at beating the titans. And seeing him so bruised and battered has taken its toll on the entire regiment.

Even the soldiers who were happy to have come back alive look like they are losing their spirit. And to Mae, it seems like even the sky can't stop crying today.

She takes his hand and holds it in both of hers. "A lot of people came to see you today Levi. A lot more than your awkward self would have liked anyway." A faint chuckle escapes her lips.

"Everyone is waiting for you to return… come back to us Levi, come back to me," she blurts, staring at him with pleading eyes, for the millionth time.

Mauve-colored bags stare right back at her, eyes sealed close and skin still blanched.

Tired, she rests her head beside their entangled hands, a single tear falls on the pristine, white bedsheet as her eyes shut close in defeat.

It rains the entire night as well.

━━━━━━━━━━━━

Sandal soles strike the floor heavily, as Mae rushes out of the restroom .

It’s 4 in the morning, and Anya just told her that Levi has woken up. Her back is sore from sitting straight next to him, the entire night, but she ignores it as she enters the infirmary. And she heads straight towards the room he is in.

Rounding the corner, her eyes dart towards Levi, seated on his bed in all his glory. Erwin, Hange, and his squad circle around him, as his fingers fiddle with the hem of his blanket.

The moon shines from the window behind him, and the sky contrasts his bare chest and the cream-colored bandages wrapped all around his waist and shoulder.

A jagged breath leaves her lips as she remembers how profusely his blood had flowed, seeping through her cotton gloves and dyed her fingertips crimson. It was nauseating, sitting in that room, suffocating in the metallic smell of his blood.

This has been the most gruesome case she has ever operated on, and she is proud of herself.

It's almost been 2 years since the fall of Maria. 2 years since that man died because of her, and all this while she was so scared of the possibility of messing up.

And even though her mind was panicking, her fingers didn’t tremble as she stitched his wounds. Her eyes didn't water seeing him so pale and her heart didn't freeze seeing him so close to death.

Her hands were stable and steady, and her body knew exactly what to do. All those double shifts and late-night study sessions have paid off.

She steps a foot forward, wanting to run to him and tell him how she was finally able to stay calm. She has improved and maybe she could start thinking about giving meaning to that old man's life just like he’d told her so many days back. And maybe he'll pet her head and tell her he is proud of her too.

But he isn't a part of her life anymore, and her mind has long decided to stay as far from him as possible. So why is her heart filled with the ardent desire to hug him, to hold him so close that she can listen to his heartbeat, and relish in the color that fills his once corpse-like body?

Her foot retracts and she sharply inhales as she hides behind the wall. Her eyes travel up, and she looks at the plain white ceiling.

Levi’s favorite color is white and he is sure to dust off the spiderwebs in the corner, once he recovers.

She clenches the sides of her dress in an attempt to quench the ever-growing tightness in her throat .

She tried so hard. Discarding her own self-esteem countless times and scurrying to him like a lost puppy. She tried so goddamn hard. Always being the bigger person and trying her best to understand him better. And yet he isn't hers to keep. And yet she is the one stealing glances at him from behind the wall.

And what good is care that strangles your own neck in the end? What good is the selflessness that tramples on your own pride instead of adding onto it? What good is the friendship, that instead of giving you courage, steals away your ability to speak?

And what good is the love, that makes you hate yourself?

The spiral she is falling into isn't unfamiliar.

Hopeless, it is hopeless, spending so many tears on someone who doesn't even care.

These halls are etched with memories that torment her mind and remind her of every painful thing that has happened between them.

She needs to get away.

Twisting from her spine, she rests her hands on the door, and looks at him.

Her eyes burn as she drinks in his sight for one last time. The candle flickering on the side table, paints his silhouette golden, carving out his jawline perfectly. A subtle pink dusts his cheeks. And a rare smile tugs on his lips as his squad bickers about something.

He looks angelic.

She snaps her eyes away, and presses her lips into a thin line.

She needs to get away.

She needs to stop pining for a man, who will never be hers to begin with. She needs to stop caring for a man, who’s once fixed her heart, only to break it into a million more pieces.

Pivoting away instantly, she walks away, with her head high as she strides towards the reception.

"Anya, I'll get going now, the captain will be under your care," she urges and Anya hums, taking a notepad out to jot the doctor's instructions.

"His diet should be semi-solid only. The deep cut on his stomach is still healing, so we don't want to put too much load on his organs there. But do give him a lot of protein and milk....... And make sure he has a complete week of bedrest. He has recovered pretty quickly, but we must still take all the necessary precautions."

“You are leaving, as in leaving with Ivan right?”

Mae hums in agreement, but her mind still runs with thoughts of Levi and his recovery. "Also he's going to be a complete ass about this, nagging every second he gets, but don't let it get to you. Call the commander if it's necessary. He's going to grumble the most about this room being filthy, so take him back to his, 2 days later, that is, if he is recovering properly. And for the times when he's being a bitch, just give him a romance book to read, that shuts him up pretty quickly."

"Oh...okay," Anya sputters. Taking a moment to figure out whether she is speaking about the Captain or Ivan. And now that Mae has stopped talking she is baffled at how much she seems to know about him.

The captain is a closed off man, his stoic face is unwavering. And there is always a sense of mystery around him.

Yes, there was a lot of gossip surrounding Levi and Mae, when Mae had first joined in. But Anya never thought it was serious, because they were never even seen together after that famous incident in the mess hall.

"Don’t take me wrong with this question Mae… But you know Captain so well… What are you guys?"

Mae’s throat constricts at the question. And heaviness spreads throughout her heart.

She knows this emotion all too well. It’s an ache, caused by the threads of attachment that are tangled to Levi’s fingers. One pull and she comes rushing towards him, like a dog following its master.

And what if this knot is something she could never entangle?

She needs to get away.

"Strangers.... that's all we are now." The slight tremor in her voice betrays the smile that she forces. And her feet walk away instantly, desperate to get away from this painful situation

Waving a quick goodbye, she ambles back to her room in haste.

The corridors are dark, and lonely. Perfect for someone who is struggling to keep their emotions at bay.

In no time she reaches her door. Turning the knob to her room she closes it with a soft thud.

Her back presses against the door, and she stares ahead. The candles run cold and the curtains are drawn taut. All that she can see is the white blanket that lays crumbled at the foot of the bed.

But she doesn't need sight to know that the new, ' better-quality , broom that he bought leans against her cupboard. And how she brought two teacups instead of one when she shifted to this room. And how the napkin that he used to bandage her knee, is still in her drawer, clean and neatly folded.

Slowly, she slumps down, and the stark darkness of the room swallows her whole. Her butt plops to the floor and so does a single droplet that unknowingly escaped her eyes.

She places her elbows on her knees, and rests the top of her head on her forearms. And she buries her face into the square that had forms between her arms and her chest.

Tears fall freely, accumulating on her thigh. She can feel the chilly wet trails on her face and the hot insides of her mouth, but what she feels the most is uncertainty.

It's pathetic how she’s left here all alone, when he’s happy and surrounded by so many people who care for him.

And it's pathetic, how miserable and weak her heart is. Ready to cling on to him despite the way he breaks her pride. She has always been a little lonely, but when did she get so pitiful and desperate enough to thoughtlessly toss her self esteem just to have someone stay with her?

Silent cries turn deafening, as the wet patch on her thigh grows bigger and bigger.

Millions of questions run through her mind. What would she do? Where would she live? Would she be comfortable? Would she ever be happy?

Her body shivers as it registers the coldness of daybreak. The chilly air leaves goosebumps on her skin, in its wake.

Warmth is what she needs, a long hug by her father, telling her that everything will be okay, or just some sweet tea, that will heat her up from the inside. Just anything.

Warmth is what she lacks as she sleeps on the cool tile floor, tear trails now icky, and the taste of her tears still lingering on her lips.

━━━━━━━━━━━━

"You're doing it, aren't ya?" Hange looks at Mae incredulously.

The skies have cleared up. It's 8 am, and the morning light filters into the room. Perfectly shining light on Mae’s features.

Clumpy lashes rest on swollen eyelids, nose still red and hair all clammy. It doesn't need a genius to figure out that she has cried all night.

"I am," she affirms, her face impassive and vacant.

Hange places their arms on her shoulder and pulls her into a hug.

She is stepping into a new life, and from what she had told them, it is only going to get tougher. Different home, different people. They just hope that she doesn't get more miserable.

Their hand strokes her back in a comforting manner. And their voice is low as they voice out the question their mind has been hesitating to ask since forever. "Will you be happy?"

Mae remains quiet and her hand slides down to her pocket. The cold silver ring and the warm handkerchief still lay in there. She had to make a choice and she has made it.

The impact Levi had on her life is great and she’ll never be able to forget him.

He saved her at her lowest, but now she has saved him too. And with this they are equal. It's time to move on. It's time to let go.

She breaks the hug and places the neatly folded napkin in Hange’s hands. And with this she is ready to forget him. She is ready to drop the memories that she’d thought she’d cherish forever.

Mae throws Hange a tight-lipped smile and then she walks towards the door.

"I'll learn to find happiness," she says as she steps out of the room.

Author's Note:

So that’s all for this week! I hoped you liked the chapter.

Ever since I have shifted to my college campus, things have drastically changed. Life is so much more happening and I have so many more things to do and distractions as well, so I haven’t been as regular with the writing and I am slacking a bit. So I might take another 2 week break, but that will only happen once I finish this arc so I won’t leave you guys hanging lol.

But since the past few days I have been trying to write everyday, so hopefully, I can catch up and publish these chapters without any breaks.

As usual, any comments or feedback are highly appreciated. I hope you have a great day ahead! See you next Sunday.

Taglist: @keijikunn @evas-leslas

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bookishofalder · 3 years

Text

Night Changes [Six]

Summary: In which Poe and the reader recover, and feelings intensify. A mission brings them closer, and memories give us insight into their pasts.

Warnings: Language, violence, smut, fluff, emotions, angst. Everything you came for.

Poe was wandering aimlessly, his feet scuffing along the dirt road as he kept his eyes focused downward, his cheeks stained with tracks of dried tears. His unruly curls were falling into his face, somewhat shielding his eyes from the lowering sun as he ventured around his neighbourhood. When another sniffle threatened, he cleared his throat aggressively and choked it back.

His father told Poe that it was more than okay to cry, as much as he wanted and for as long as he needed. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of crying and showing his emotions, nor was it why he hadn’t yet gone back home. It was just...he was tired; of crying, of feeling so enormously miserable. And now that the funeral and life celebration was over, it felt suddenly very final. Like the second he walked through the door tonight, it would hit him that she was never coming back.

That she was lost to the stars, forever.

It still didn’t feel real, not fully, and so when they were making their way home a short while ago, Poe froze up when they turned the corner onto their lonely stretch of road. He couldn’t bring himself to continue walking, and after a few moments, his father had glanced around to find Poe standing several feet back. A look of sorrow and understanding had crossed his face before he pulled him in for a tight hug and suggested that he take a walk. Told Poe to take his time and come home when he felt ready, that he’d be waiting up no matter the time. Dad was good like that, never pushed but always seemed to understand, to tell Poe he was seen.

He was on a street not too far from home now, the sun low and golden and the temperature easing just enough, though Poe was still sweating a little. He was considering removing his sweater when a voice to his left cut through the air very suddenly.

“Duck!”

He did, not needing to be told twice even though he wasn’t sure what he was avoiding. Glancing up, Poe saw a large red ball fly over his head and instinctively reached up and caught it before it could get too far. When he looked around, standing back up, a boy that looked to be his age was running toward him, his eyes crinkled in a friendly way as he pulled a face that conveyed his apologies.

“Wow, sorry!” The boy said, coming to a halt in front of Poe and panting. He pointed at the ball, “I was aiming for my sister’s head, but I’m not the best kicker.” He admitted, and Poe smiled at the boy’s candour.

“That’s okay, you missed me too,” He held the ball out for the boy, but before he could hand it over a girl, who looked to be a couple of years younger, came barreling over. Her face scrunched in anger that Poe wanted to think was adorable, but it was also kind of scary.

That was the first time Poe saw you.

“Charlie mommy said not to do that anymore!” You shouted, ripping the ball from Poe’s hands and then aggressively tossing it toward your house. It bounced until it hit the duracrete side, rolling to a stop. “You’re a massive-“

“Hey, don’t swear in front of-oh,” The boy paused and looked back over at Poe, who was standing somewhat awkwardly as he watched the siblings exchange. “Sorry, what’s your name?”

You were both looking at him now, your faces friendly and open. “I’m...Poe. Dameron. Poe Dameron.” He mumbled nervously, suddenly feeling too tired and hot. His face flushed a little from the heat and embarrassment, and he just knew you were both going to think he was a real loser.

“Poe Dameron, nice to meet you, buddy! I’m Charlie and this pipsqueak-“ The boy-Charlie- broke off to ruffle your hair as you rolled your eyes, “Is my sister (y/n). We’ve seen you around before, you must live close.”

Poe nodded, “Yeah, just over by-“

“Why are you dressed like that?” You asked suddenly, a hand shooting out to pluck at his black sweater.

Poe hesitated, unsure of how to explain without immediately scaring both of you off. You were surprisingly serious for a little kid, your big eyes sweeping over his face and taking in his red eyes, before again taking in his outfit.

But when you looked back up at met Poe’s nervous gaze, your lips tugged up ever so slightly in a way that...well, it made him trust you. He didn’t know why, but he looked between you and the equally friendly face of your brother and didn’t sense a shred of hostility or insincerity.

“My mom just died, today was,” He took in a shuddering breath, the words heavier to admit than he ever could have imagined, and yet just saying it out loud was surprisingly freeing, “The funeral. I was just...I wasn’t ready to go home yet, I guess.”

Poe had stared at your bare feet as he spoke, focusing on the wiggling toes because he didn’t want to see the pity on your faces after spending the last few days receiving nothing but pitying looks from everyone he’d ever known. He was entirely caught off guard when he heard you give a little gasp, then launched yourself into him, your arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him into an unexpected, firm hug.

“Poe that’s awful,” You whimpered, peering up at him with tears eyes.

Poe felt it then, the shift inside of him that he wouldn’t realize for a very long time was his universe colliding with yours, the staggering sensation of his soul meeting your soul for the very first time. He was too young to know this, of course, but the intensity of his feelings was felt nonetheless. The first thing he did recognize was that he really, really wanted to prevent you from looking so sad.

Charlie’s hand clapped down on his shoulder as Poe gazed down at you in surprise, only seconds had passed, “We’re really sorry about your mom, Poe,” He smiled sadly as he spoke, shaking his head a little. After a moment his gaze shifted to you, “Kid, he’s already warm! Give him some space!”

You almost seemed surprised at your reaction to Poe’s news, though upon hearing Charlie’s admonishment, you quite suddenly jumped away from him, as though you had been electrocuted, all while furiously apologizing to Poe.

You were so adorable and sincere that Poe laughed. For the first time since his father had come into his room and kneeled next to the bed with the most heartbreaking expression to tell him his mother had died, he laughed. Full bellied, the muscles in his face stretching upward into a wide grin, Poe Dameron laughed. There was only a slight pause before you and Charlie joined in, your pealing giggles filling his ears as Charlie held his shoulder and stars, did it ever feel good.

Poe was still just a kid, even though his mom had died and he’d had to suffer through heartbreak that no child ever should, he was at heart still only ten years old. Yet as he stood on the front lawn laughing with the Horn children he was overwhelmed by the feeling of home he found in you both. He knew this was the start of something incredible.

Charlie gestured toward the ball once the laughter began to fade, “Do you have to go home yet, or do you want to play with us for a bit, Poe?” Charlie asked, gesturing toward the ball.

You were nodding eagerly next to him, and with a glance at the sun to confirm it wasn’t yet too late to stay, Poe smiled at his new friends, his eyes meet yours as he answered. “I’d love to.”

————-

Your hips swayed lazily to the music as you eased your way through the evening crowd gathered at Maz Kanata’s cantina. Poe kept close behind you, his face relaxed but his eyes flicking carefully around the room, watching for signs of trouble, his senses on high alert. He kept his face neutral, holding back the frown he found himself tempted to make as strangers' eyes fell down your body when you passed them, drinking in your curves.

You found an empty booth and sat, propping your legs on the seat across from you, the picture of ease and comfort when you smiled up at Poe. He tried to mimic your relaxation, but you’d always been much better at acting a part than him when it came to the cause you both fought for. He had trouble pretending to not be on edge, and so he kept close to you. Not just for safety, but also to be considered a protective partner, rather than an undercover Rebel.

With a small wink, you patted the seat next to you to give Poe permission, that you knew he needed, to sit close to you. He flung an arm behind you, resting against the booth seat, and spread his legs wide in hopes of appearing at ease. Your hand patted his knee briefly and he had to actively work at not tensing under the heat of your touch.

You sat in silence together for a few minutes before Jess Pava cut through the crowd to join you, her hands holding four drinks carefully that you jumped up to help her with. Your body leaned over Poe’s as you plucked two drinks from the fellow pilot’s hands, and he had to take a small breath to steady himself due to your proximity. Stars.

‘Your system is entirely flushed of the pollen, Commander. We ran the extra tests you requested and they came up the same as the previous.’

‘But I feel so...you know what, never mind. If you say it’s gone, then I believe you.’

You handed him his drink and he raised it in thanks, then pretended to take a sip. None of you would be drinking this evening, because you were working but it would have looked suspicious if you’d all sat down in the cantina without them.

“Thanks, Jess,” You sat back down, your thigh only inches from Poe’s. He watched Jess toss you a flirtatious wink and rolled his eyes in amusement as you flushed in response. She had always loved to flirt with you.

“Well, I’m not sure when exactly our friend will arrive but he can usually be counted on to be on time when there are free drinks.” Jess rapped her knuckles on the table, her eyes drifting around the room casually. She’d been based at an outpost nearby Takodana and was the lead on the current intel handoff that required Poe and you.

You scoffed, “I don’t care if he’s late. But if his intel isn’t as good as he claims, I’m shooting him before I ask questions.” Out of the corner of his eye, Poe saw your fingers twitch on your shooting arm; as though you were tempted to pull the hidden blaster from your backpack.

Poe nodded in agreement, “Not that it isn’t lovely to see you, Jess.”

She laughed as Poe grinned, sitting back into her seat to get more comfortable while waiting for the contact to show up. Each of you was dressed to look like casual, tired travellers. In various shades of khaki, Poe wore a light linen shirt tucked into his pants, his blaster hidden in the waistband at his lower back, his regular boots exchanged for a worn pair of travelling boots that were anything but comfortable. You were wearing the same light linen, though the tunic you wore was tighter fitting, tucking into loose-fitting shorts that hit mid-thigh, the look revealing a lot more skin than he was used to seeing.

It was distracting, you were distracting to him, especially as you sat so close to him that he could feel your body heat, smell your shampoo.

Poe and you had been released from the med bay two days before this mission on Takodana. He’d returned twice to demand further testing, unbeknownst to you because he wanted to be certain he would never hurt you again. He’d woken up feeling pretty spectacular, that first day after receiving what Tahla told him had been special transfusions to clear out the pollen. His friend had said it would feel intense, the new clarity in his mind, because he’d spent nearly a month unknowingly gripped by a fog that only increased each time Poe and you touched.

And stars, it was true how free and open his mind felt now. It was like losing a large amount of weight all at once, and with his newfound clarity, he thought there would be a substantial decrease in his attraction to you-enough, that is, to stop his thoughts from wondering and his heart rate to increase every time he so much as looked at you, but that hadn’t happened. Instead, it was like the exact opposite had occurred; free of the effects of the pollen, Poe was no longer confused or overwhelmed by his feelings, rather they had all seemed to be glaringly obvious.

Now, instead of looking at you and remembering what had happened after the pollen exposure, Poe simply became distracted because you were beautiful. Equal parts protectiveness, adoration and attraction surged within him anytime he glanced your way now, and it didn’t feel wrong or confusing any longer. There had been a few times now where you’d looked at him similarly, and he wondered, or rather, hoped, that maybe you were feeling the same.

With a low sigh, you shifted next to Poe, recrossing your legs as your feet rested on the seat opposite, and Poe’s eyes automatically swept over your form. He sensed your apprehension and impatience and let his hand fall forward slightly, sweeping some of your loose hair away from your neck. His belly warmed when he saw you shiver a little.

Pulling his gaze away from you, he glanced around the room once again. Maz Kanata’s was a neutral territory, which meant that coming in disguise was as important as it was to keep your blaster nearby. The place was filled with a mixed bag of smugglers, spies, travellers and more. There was no telling who could be in the room and with you at his side, Poe was hyper-aware of the risks that being members of the Resistance held and he was as eager to leave, with the intel, as he knew you were.

“Oh, here’s our green friend now,” Jess’s voice pulled Poe from his thoughts and he glanced around, spotting the Twi’lek man approaching their table with an easy-going smile.

“Fucking finally,” You murmured to Poe, your warm breath brushing against his neck and raising goosebumps along his skin.

He was starting to wonder if you were doing these things on purpose, now.

Medical Bay Two Days Prior

You awoke somewhat rapidly with a gasp, almost sitting up as you came to, only a hand on your shoulder that seemed to be expecting the reaction cautioned you to remain laying down. You allowed your body to relax, your eyes still shut.

A distant and possibly familiar voice was speaking to you quietly, though you couldn’t make out the words yet.

To wake yourself up properly, you pulled in a deep breath and focused on yourself for a moment, noticing how good you felt, your body light and pain-free. And your head...it felt so clear.

The memories came back, then, of walking down the hallway toward the hangar with Poe, his hands touching you more and more like he couldn’t help himself. How good those hands felt until each of you was falling to the ground in twisted versions of ecstasy. It had been painful, terrifying, and you remembered clinging to him both in panic and for safety as you screamed, Temmin appearing and then it all slips away, the last thing you could recall was the stinging sensation in your arm. It must have been a quick dose of bacta, enough to keep you from dying even though you still passed out from the overstimulation of everything.

As you thought of Poe, panic began to rise within you and you heard the resulting increase in your nearby heart rate monitor. Had they been able to save him, too? Or had he...oh, what if he-

“Major, relax, you need to calm yourself. You are alright. Commander Dameron is safe as well-yes, that’s right, breath for me, Poe is safe, good, good.” The voice next to you was soothing, the firm hand on your arm rubbing up and down gently as your heart rate decreased.

Poe was safe. Your Poe.

And then the clarity hit, no longer blurred by your panic over Poe’s condition, and the monitor picked up the brief spike as your mind caught you up. It was like...the pollen had mangled and warped your feelings, pushing back everything that mattered most to focus on what your body wanted, what it wanted your bodies to do. It left you both in need, even after you worked through the initial exposure, and you hadn’t even realized it. It was like a filter on your brain, not blocking out the real stuff, but keeping you more and more focused on Poe in a sexual way the more you touched, until it all became too much.

But now you could feel everything real and it was almost too much to suddenly bear. You knew you’d forgiven him, that you’d each begun repairs on your broken friendship, falling back into a comfortable pattern...but stars, it was so much fucking more, wasn’t it? You were completely-

With another gasp, you opened your eyes before the realization could send you into a panic, and the Healer next to you prevented you from sitting up again, coming into focus now as you adjusted to the sunny medical room. You saw a privacy curtain around your bed, then looked at the person standing over you.

You blinked in surprise as you gazed at the Healer because you knew him.

“Tahla!” You cried out in delight, and he let you move finally so that you could pull him down to you for a bone-crushing hug. He laughed, a rich baritone he definitely hadn’t had when you last saw him on Yavin-4 years ago.

“Hey kid,” He said, pulling back to gaze down at you with a wide smile, “Welcome back. How do you feel?” He searched your face in a way that told he was there in a professional capacity as much as a friendly one.

“I...well, shit,” You stammered, struggling to sit up. He helped you, adjusting your pillow behind your shoulders and then pulling your blanket up a little. “My head feels so clear, I can’t believe it.” He nodded knowingly as you gazed up at him, looking at his Healer uniform, then to the medical droid next to him waiting for instructions.

Noticing your shift in focus, Tahla pointed in question to the edge of your bed and you nodded, scooting your legs out of the way so that he could sit. He settled, then took one of your hands into his own. “It’s been a few years, hasn’t it?” He asked you softly, “I’m sorry about that. And for not being able to make it to Charlie’s funeral, either.”

“You don’t owe me any apologies, Tahla Martell, you should know that,” You replied quietly, squeezing his hand, “Not after everything you’ve done for me.”

He sighed, nodding his understanding as you both remember your last few months on Yavin-4. He then glanced back at you and despite the faint laugh lines around his eyes, the more dense peppering of facial stubble, you thought he looked much the same as he had all those years ago. Based on how his eyes were roving over your face, you believe he was thinking the same thing.

“I suppose it goes without saying, but I am a Healer now, a specialist actually. In foreign contaminants. My team was responding to the General’s request for assistance, but when I saw your name and Poe’s name on the patient files, I decided to come myself,” He explained, tossing you a little smile that told you he just knew you’d get yourself into trouble someday. You grinned back at him. “The Healer’s here put you both into temporary medical comas, and once I arrived yesterday I was able to complete the transfusions required to clear your system of any and all lingering toxins.”

Frowning now at the memories of the last month, you shook your head, “Tahla, I really fucked up on this-”

“No,” He interrupted softly, and you felt yourself flush a little from the sincerity of the look he was giving you. “You didn’t. That pollen is one of the more lethal ones known to us in the field. The fact that you were both able to survive this long...and once you were exposed, you were both technically compromised. The pollen didn’t want you to report the exposure, that wasn’t a lapse on your part,” He paused, thinking over his next words carefully as you waited patiently with your guilt-ridden heart sitting in your throat. “One could argue that had there not been a delay in your return to base, meaning the three-day travel, it could have been more likely you’d have reported what happened. But because you and Poe were exposed together, worked out the initial effects together, and subsequently remained within close proximity during the travels home, there was absolutely no chance of either of you making that correct call.”

You let that linger for a moment, closing your eyes as the build-up of emotion swelled. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t fuck up. Though, you couldn’t help but wonder how far-reaching the pollen’s hold on you was. When you opened your eyes, Tahla was watching you closely with an expectant expression, as though he sensed the direction of your thoughts.

“Did-did it affect everything I did and said? That P-Poe-?”

“No, just the more, shall we say, primal parts,” He said thoughtfully, “I read the report you did submit, and I found it interesting. You stated the trip home was fairly uneventful. Was that true, to your recollection?”

“Oh,” You thought back to those three days after you’d made up with Poe. “It really was.”

Tahla bobbed his head in thought, “It’s unique, I think, that exposure happened to two people who had a pre-existing friendship beyond being mere teammates. At least in our reports over the years. Do you recall wanting to touch Poe, but not allowing yourself to do so?”

You stared at Tahla in surprise, “Yes, right after we rolled through the bush that they were growing from. Why?”

He ran a hand over his jaw, brows furrowed in thought. “I think the pollen had its work cut out for it, getting you both to ignore your instincts to protect one another. If you were fighting it that early, well, that’s the first time I’ve heard of such a thing,” He tapped over his lips now and you could practically hear his scientific brain whirring away. “Even the timeline here is beyond anything I’ve ever come across. You were both able to resist initially, then worked the first dose out of your system. But when you came back to base, you were still fighting against the urges and that is...something else. The more you touched, the harder it was not to touch, am I right?”

You wanted to feel more embarrassed at the questions, but you were too caught up in what he might be getting at to give a damn. So instead, you nodded, “Harder not too, but felt more dangerous to continue.”

“I think the preexisting friendship played a major role here, it allowed you both to walk around nearly for a month when you should have been succumbing within a day after the initial-hold on, what symptoms have you had since you’ve been back, other than what we’ve discussed?”

He gave you an intense look then, and now you flushed a lot because you were hoping not to have to talk about the dreams. “I was uh, having dreams. Nightly, or like really early in the mornings. They woke me up.” You bit nervously at your cheek.

Tahla, ever the Healer at heart, got straight to the point. “You were having sexual dreams that woke you up because you orgasmed?”

You pulled your hand from him, covering your face, “Yeah, but it was like only a second or two of relief. And then I’d be worked up all day...tried, you know, before bed to see if it helped, but nothing did.”

“Huh,” Tahla grunted, going quiet for a few minutes as he thought. You suddenly felt very grateful you were having this conversation with him and not any other Healer’s. Stars. “Remarkable.”

You peeked out from behind your hands, “Tahla, are you saying that because Poe and I care for each other so much, we were able to fight against the pollen to a degree? That what happened the other day was the result of too much touching after so much time resisting?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, or theorizing at this point,” He replied, and you huffed out a breath. This was too much to think about. He seemed to sense your exhaustion and reached out to grip your shoulder. “Back to the initial question, though, you were both still yourselves underneath the underlying desire to, well, you know.”

He laughed a little shyly then and you smirked, quirking a brow in surprise. “Oh now he gets shy,” You giggled, “Stars, Tahla.”

“I know,” He agreed, laughing along with you, “I suppose it doesn’t make sense for us, considering our history. It was my poor attempt at being delicate after asking such personal questions.” He blushed a little and you couldn’t help but grin at him.

You shrugged, “Honestly, I’m glad you’re asking. I want to understand it all, and I’m sure Poe will want to as well. Have you spoken to him at all? Is he awake?” You wanted to see him, tell him everything was okay now.

Tahla opened his mouth to reply, only another voice cut in from the other side of the curtain. “I’m awake, sweetheart.” Your friend stood then and walked around to the other side of your bed, pulling the curtain along as he did. You watched Poe come into view, sitting on his bed with his legs over the side, and you knew straight away he’d heard everything. Meeting his gaze, you felt your stomach flutter in a sudden wave of nerves, because there he was.

Your Poe.

Tahla was saying something to him, but you couldn’t focus on what because you were lost in his eyes, drinking in his features, the soft expression on his face as he gazed at you, and you realized that whatever Tahla had done to cure you of the pollen, it had worked. Because you were looking at Poe now without any barriers-no pollen, no grief, no anger-and you felt like you were back on Gold team, the night before Charlie died, walking across the cantina as Poe watched you and you started to realize how you felt...

He pulled his gaze away, meeting Tahla’s outstretched hand and you looked to your hands where they sat in your lap. You swallowed, your mouth suddenly dry, though the hovering medical droid passed you a cup of water moments later and provided a nice distraction from your thoughts.

“Well, you’ll both remain here for a few more hours just for observation, but I’m releasing you at dinner time. You’re cleared for duty, so I’m sure you’ll be in the field as of tomorrow.”

“And we...you’re sure, one hundred percent sure, that nothing else can happen? That I-we-“ Poe broke off awkwardly, and you kept your eyes on the drink in your hand.

“I’m completely, entirely sure, Commander.” Tahla assured you both, “Listen, I’ll be off by dinner time so I’d love to catch up if you’re both up to it?”

You glanced up, meeting Tahla’s warm eyes, “That sounds great, Tahla.”

You saw Poe nod out of the corner of your eye, “Yeah man, see you then.”

He left you then, not before reminding you both to relax, and throwing a wink your way that you knew Poe hadn’t seen. When the door shut behind him, you were both silent for a long minute, though you could sense Poe looking at you. And you felt...nervous, under his gaze now, though you wanted to look at him as well, you were afraid of what he might read from your expression. He’d always been able to read you well, and you him.

“How are you doing, sweetheart?” He finally broke the silence, his voice low.

You clasped your hands in your lap, then looked up and met Poe’s eyes. The heart rate monitor gave you away, gave you both away. Each of you gazed at one another, hearts racing, and you thought it felt really good to be looking at Poe, no pollen making it about sex. Instead, you looked over at your best friend and realized how much you cared for him. How much you missed him. How scared you had been to lose him again.

Before you could overthink it, you were out of your bed. It was only a few steps to his, just enough time for Poe to sit up straight, eyes bright, before catching you in his arms. You flung yours around his shoulders and pulled him close, stepping between his legs as you did. “Poe,” You murmured, and his arms tightened around you in response.

You slid one hand into the curls at the nape of his neck, smiling to yourself when you heard him give a low sigh in response. He pressed his face into your neck, making you feel safer than you’d ever felt in your life, wrapped there in his arms. You think you were both putting a lot of things left unsaid into the hug, neither of you quite ready to talk it all out, but silently agreeing all was forgiven.

And as clear as you realized your feelings were for Poe Dameron, you also knew that you weren’t ready to voice them aloud, no longer because you denied them, but rather because you feared they wouldn’t be reciprocated.

Poe didn’t trust the contact, despite the Twi’lek’s easy smile and friendly banter. His opinion was possibly coloured by the fact that Dario had first greeted Jess, whom he’d met several times, before promptly and very obviously dropping his gaze to check you out and then making a show of shaking your hand as Poe glowered at him. He would have remained angrier had he not noticed you shift a little closer to him once Dario looked away to take his seat.

“Listen, I think considering the shit I’ve gone through to give you this information, the least you can all do is enjoy another drink with me,” Dario stated, tapping his glass with a long green finger. “At least make me feel like we’re friendly, Jess.”

Jess rolled her eyes, her jaw tight, “Don’t pretend to suffer more than you do, Dario, it’s unbecoming.” The Twi’lek barked laughter in response. Jess sighed, “We can stay a little longer, and then we’re giving you your credits and you are giving us our intel and we’re leaving, got it?”

“Fine, fine,” He relented, glancing around at the three of you, “Well, who's buying this round?”

Poe wasn’t about to let the man out of his sight, something that you understood just from the set of his shoulders because you sat forward instantly, “I’ll go,” You shot Poe a look that said you were just as annoyed as him before standing up and stepped past him carefully.

Dario noticed the way Poe’s eyes determinedly stared at the table when you stepped over his lap. And he didn’t let it go unmentioned, either, “So are you two a thing or do you just enjoy the heavy sexual tension you carry for one another?”

Jess tried to hide her laughter in her drink, giving Poe an apologetic sort of look when he glared at her. “You said friendly, not friends. I’m not going to let you braid my hair and ask about feelings and shit.” He huffed, to which Dario simply chuckled, raising his glass at Poe.

“Sorry, sorry. Just wanted to be prepared if you suddenly started going at it on the table.”

“You know what man,” Poe growled through clenched teeth, leaning forward, “You suck at making friends.”

Dario raised his green hands in mock surrender, “Then you won’t mind that a smuggler just pinched her ass?” He jerked his chin toward the bar and Poe whipped his head around, seeking you out in the crowd.

Sure enough, you were leaning against the bar and a large, unruly-looking man was standing way too fucking close. Poe was out of his seat in an instant, catching your eye as he approached. The thing about places like Maz’s was that if a little traveller woman like you suddenly pulled out highly skilled hand-to-hand combat moves, it would draw a lot of attention, which your group was rather eager to avoid. Poe, on the other hand, could easily get away with what he decided to do the moment he saw you flinch, the smuggler having pinched you again.

Wordlessly, he pulled you close with one hand and grabbed the back of the smuggler's neck at the same time. Before he could react to Poe’s sudden appearance, his face was smacking off of the bar. He folded somewhat comically, unconscious on the floor. Poe looked at the bartender now placing the drinks on the counter.

“Here’s a few extra credits for the trouble, man.” He passed them over, and the gruff-looking man merely grumbled his thanks, pocketing the credits and then directing a nearby droid to drag the man outside.

“That was satisfying,” You quipped at his side, drawing Poe’s gaze. You pitched your voice lower to prevent anyone from overhearing you, “I think you broke his nose, flyboy.”

Poe laughed, releasing his hold on you but moving his hand to rest on your lower back, just in case anyone else thought they could come near you. “You good? I can go outside and finish him off, you know.” He was only half-joking, and you arched a brow at him before reaching out to pick up the drinks, passing two to him to carry.

“If I can resist the urge to kill him, then you can too,” You replied, leading the way back to the table. “But thank you all the same.”

Before he could reply, Poe met the amused expression on Dario’s face and frowned at him over your shoulder. Jess was determinedly looking anywhere but Poe, which told him enough about where her loyalties were. And while you’d been all smiles for him moments ago, evidently your patience had been torn to shreds from your interaction with the smuggler.

“Alright, here’s your fucking drink,” You growled, slamming the glass on the table in front of Dario, “Now hand over the intel or I’m kicking your ass.” Poe had to bite back a proud smile.

Dario exhaled as he gave you a weary look, “Wow, you’re kind of scary when you get all worked up,” He admitted, shooting back his drink in one go, “Since I don’t think you really want to be my friend now, I’ll give up on the attempt here at civility.”

You gave a cold laugh as Jess leaned toward Dario, “Look, you promised me good intel, good enough that I called in these two to get it straight from you rather than risk it hopping between squadrons. Hand it over and you get your credits and a continued pass from our people to remain on Takodana peacefully.”

With a roll of his icy blue eyes, the Twi-lek man reached into an inner front pocket of his jacket and pulled out a data stick, passing it to you. You grabbed for it but Dario didn’t let go straight away, instead leaning forward to meet your eyes levelly as you both held the intel. “Probably should mention one thing,” He began, and Poe felt himself go rigid, eyes on Dario.

“Oh yeah?” You replied coldly, giving another tug on the intel.

Dario let go of it, “The man I stole that from has a lot of people working for him and I may have been made a few minutes ago. More than likely there are First Order officers on their way, which is why you’ll be happy to hear I no longer want your money. Just sneak me out the back with you and I’ll be on my merry way, deal?”

Poe’s eyes flicked around the room, seeing no immediate threats but fully aware that sneaking out was going to be an issue with so little warning. You had stiffened, then quickly pushed the data stick down the front of your shirt into your chest band before reaching across the table and grabbing Dario’s shirt roughly, tugging him close. “You motherfuck-“

Jess was already typing into her comm as you let loose on Dario, unleashing the fury of your words in place of kicking the shit out of him and Poe continued to survey the room. “Poe,” Jess said, and he glanced toward her, “I’ve got back up coming in for a distraction in two. You’ll have to go out the doorway to the south, take a long way around to your ship.”

“Well, it was great seeing you again, Jess,” He replied lightly, “We’ll have to do this again sometime. Everything, the bad drinks, the toxic masculinity, our idiot Twi’lek the Major is currently teaching a new language. Really, it’s been wonderful.” With a final laugh, Jess reached over and patted your head in farewell, winked at Poe, and then sprinted away from the table to meet her backup outside. The distant sounds of shouting and a sudden loud bang was all the warning Poe needed a minute later.

Grabbing you by the arm, Poe quickly stood and began toward the exit, hearing rather than seeing that Dario was still there because he was cursing as he stumbled along in your angry grip. Pushing through the doorway, he heard Dario cry out in pain and glanced around to see him reaching for his shin. You had kicked him. “Sweetheart, need you to-“

You were on your wrist comm before he finished, “On it,” You said, running a scan of the immediate area, which thankfully came up clean, “It’s your lucky day, Dario, you get to live to see another. I’d say farewell, but I wouldn’t mean it!”

Poe laughed, then pointed into the tree line, “Go that way as long as you can before circling back to your ride, they’ll be gone pretty soon.” He told the Twi’lek, who grunted his thanks and tore off in the direction Poe had indicated. “Which way?” He asked you, knowing you had the entire area memorized in preparation for this mission.

You nodded to his right, adjusting the bag on your shoulders, “That way, there’s some water we can lose them in. Unless you’ll let me go and kill Dario-“

“I’ll let you kill him if we ever bump into him again, I promise,” Poe grabbed your hand and started running, neither of you unaware of the danger you were in with First Order troops nearby. Once safely in the cover of the trees, he continued between breaths, “Though I think it’s safe to say he’s going to be in hiding for a while.”

“He won’t be able to hide from me if this intel is anything but as good as he claimed,” You grumbled, your grip on Poe’s hand tightening as you jumped over thick roots, “You think Jess is alright?”

“Of course,” And he wasn’t lying, he knew she would be long gone by now, seeing as this was more her territory than anything. “You should really be more worried about us, sweetheart.”

You giggled, “I am! Listen, I know we said we’d go straight around to our ship but with Dario out there knowing that it’s probably best we hide for a while.” You left it unspoken, but it meant that you’d be camping in the dense wilderness as you hid from the First Order with highly sought-after intel that they didn’t want in the hands of the Resistance.

“All in a day’s work, eh?”

You sighed heavily in response. Jumping into the ankle-deep stream, you began walking in the opposite direction of the ship, further into the forest. Poe felt the water soak through his socks in seconds and couldn’t help but agree with your angry reaction back in the Cantina. Careless or intentional, Dario had all but ensured Poe and you would be on the run until you could get off of this planet and escape in hyperspace. And he had wet socks to top it all off.

“It’s open!” You called out, glancing up from the dining table where you were sealing the last few boxes of your mothers' things, to see Tahla Martell standing in your doorway. “Hey, Tahla.” You said warmly, moving to greet him in the hallway.

“Hi kid,” He replied, pulling you in for a hug, “I know you’re leaving first thing and you already said your goodbyes to us all, but I didn’t want you to be alone on your last night on Yavin-4.” He held up a covered dish that you caught the scent of, his mother's lasagna.

Warmth spread through you at his kind gesture, “Tahla, that’s so sweet of you,” You had to clear your throat, blinking back tears.

It had been a rough few months since your mother had passed, the house you’d lived in with her for over a year without Charlie and Poe seeming far too big now with just you wondering the lonely hallways. Packing things into storage was at least somewhat therapeutic, and you were keeping the house, but you knew you wouldn’t be visiting anytime soon. It just felt wrong to sell it until you saw Charlie in person and discussed the options.

And you felt a little guilty too, with how excited you were to be headed to the Resistance base the next morning. You’d be seeing your brother and Poe again after two years apart and you couldn’t wait. The fact that your friend understood your mixed emotions and shown up with dinner was...beyond appreciated. Tahla had always been good to you, even when you were younger and Poe had caught you kissing and punched him for it. He hadn’t done anything other than saying he’d prefer to be friends and a friend he’d remained all of this time.

“Are you hungry now?” He asked, and you nodded before moving to the kitchen and realizing you packed up all the plates. Tahla followed you, placing the food onto the table.

“Uh, you okay with eating straight from the dish? I think I have some forks...” You glanced around and spotted the box with cutlery, popping it open and pulling out utensils. Tahla laughed and sat at the kitchen table, taking the cover off of the food. You joined him, moving your chair close and passing him a fork before you both dug in.

You ate in comfortable silence, eating your fill and then sitting back in your seat and pushing the rest toward Tahla while you held your full stomach in content. You looked around the bare kitchen, another wave of nostalgia and emotion bubbling up.

“It feels sadder because it’s not how you pictured it,” Tahla said, breaking into your thoughts. You looked up at him, confused, and he clarified. “You were supposed to be leaving while your mom fussed over you and promised you she’d spend all of her free time with my mom, that she wouldn’t be lonely. She was supposed to take you to the flight dock and wave at you when you boarded, tell you to give Charlie and Poe hugs from her. It’s okay to be sad about how it is instead.”

Emotion swelled again and you nodded because he was right. Your mother was supposed to be here, you were the one that was leaving her, it shouldn’t have been this twisted version, where she left you by way of a sudden and fatal heart attack as you shopped the market together one morning several months before. Tahla and his mother had been at the market as well, a few booths away haggling when they’d heard you screaming, and Tahla had had to pull you away from your mother’s still, peaceful-looking body as his mother checked her pulse and called for Healers. He’d held you for hours, eventually bringing you home, only leaving when you insisted he could come back first thing in the morning.

You ducked your head down as tears spilled onto your cheeks, ashamed to be crying in front of Tahla. He put down his fork and shuffled closer, pulling you in for a gentle hug, patting your back, “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you, I could just tell-”

“No, you’re right,” You interrupted, pulling back only slightly and wiping a hand across your face, “Y-you understand, and I’m grateful. You’ve always been an amazing friend. I’m going to miss you, you know.” You tried for a small smile, and he returned it with his warm one. You sighed, “I just wish I was leaving this place...my home, with better memories. Alone for the last few months, packing things up, sorting out mom’s will, it’s not how I pictured it.”

Tahla nodded in understanding, “I’d tell you to focus on the fact you’re seeing Charlie and Poe, but I know it doesn’t help with this part.”

“I appreciate it all the same, Tahla,” And you leaned back in to hug him again, knowing he’d probably be leaving in a few minutes and wanting to enjoy the last moments of peace before you were alone in this whole house again. “This is a good memory, though, so thank you.”

He chuckled, the vibrations moving you as you leaned into his chest, “I know the lasagna makes it seem like mom sent me over, but I was planning on stopping by either way,” He admitted, his eyes finding yours again when you leaned back. “Didn’t seem right to let (y/n) Horn fly away from home without a proper goodbye, and by that I mean I selfishly wanted to be the last person you saw.”

You quirked a brow at his joke, Tahla was always ready to flirt with you, “Oh yeah? Well, I’m glad you did.” And while your words were light, the tone of voice you used surprised even you, coming out a little more sultry than either of you expected.

You saw Tahla swallow in surprise, his wide eyes flicking from yours, then down to your lips as you wet them. Boldly deciding to go for it because he was your friend and it was your last night at home and he was handsome and kind and sweet-

Tahla closed the distance, pressing his lips to yours and you moaned in response, gripping his shirt. Opening your mouth to deepen the kiss, you smiled because you both tasted like lasagna. Beneath that, though, you could taste the warm, masculine undertones of Tahla Martell, and based on the low rumble in his chest and the way his hands tightened on your waist, he could taste you as well.

It was kind of like one of your books, how you ended up in your bedroom down the hall, clothing stripped as you moved together until you were hitting the bed and he was pulling away from your mouth to move his lips down your bare body. The sun was low now, casting your room in a gentle golden glow and for the first time in some time, you were feeling something other than grief and loneliness in your bed.

The fact that it was with your friend Tahla...while you’d admit you had always imagined your first time with someone different, you had accepted a long time ago that it wouldn’t happen that way. He was older and more experienced and had spent two years worlds away and free to do whatever he wanted. And Tahla had always been your close and trusted friend, he’d been there for you before your mother died and since, and now he was moving his lips and tongue across your most sensitive areas like he couldn’t imagine a better way to be spending his time.

The empty house was filled with your cries and moans as Tahla, who admitted it wasn’t his first time, brought you to the edge and over several times with just his mouth and fingers before he climbed up your body and kissed you again. You moaned, tasting yourself on him, surprised at how turned on that made you, and then almost cried when he moved back and told you that you could stop here if you wanted, that it didn’t need to go any further but he would still stay the night, wouldn’t leave you alone.

You had intended to go all the way the moment he’d literally lifted you from your chair in the kitchen, but now you pulled him to you with a renewed sense of longing, telling him you trusted him, that you needed him. He didn’t to be told twice, his eyes searching yours one moment, then dropping down between your bodies as he glided his cock through your wet folds. He sighed your name when he pushed in, filling you slowly but entirely before stopping and allowing you to adjust to his considerable size. It hadn’t hurt as much as you’d feared, but the sharp sting was still enough to have your eyes pricking, and he leaned forward and peppered you with soft kisses and kind words, encouraging you to voice what you needed and tell him if anything was too much.

It had surprised you both when the pain had ebbed away and you were suddenly rolling your hips eagerly. Tahla recovered and braced his elbows on the bed and began a hard pace that had you practically begging for more, unrelenting even as you came around him. He grunted as he neared his orgasm, his pace slowing to draw the pleasure out as long as you both could stand. He let you roll him onto his back and ride him at an almost lazy pace, his eyes never shutting, even when you found just the right angle to draw the deepest groans from him, intent on watching your face. He’d seemed almost in awe of you like he couldn’t believe what was happening even though it had been...well, the sun had set so going on just over an hour, you had realized.

When you came again as you rode him and his name tore from your lips, Tahla went over the edge with you. He had grabbed your hips and held you down when he came, your name mixing with curses as he filled you.

And then you’d let yourself fall forward and shift, felt him slide out of you before cuddling in and realizing that he meant what he said, that he wasn't going anywhere. He even kissed you again between whispering his promises to remain, his praise over how good it felt to be with you.

You think you loved him a little then, but at the same time, you couldn’t help but think of how he’d done a good job replacing the man you’d pictured having your first time with and you knew that it was a good thing this had happened on the eve of your departure. You could love Tahla Martell but never fall in love with him.

Tahla woke with you in the morning, helped you gather your things, promised to check in on the place occasionally. And then he drove you to the flight dock, where he waved you off with a promise to see you again someday. His smile a little sadder but genuine and filled with enough affection to have you run back for one last hug goodbye, one last kiss on the cheek and a final thank you for being everything you had needed without even knowing.

“This is cozy, really very cozy,” Poe grumbled from where he sat on the cold ground of a small-make that, minuscule, cave that you’d found after several hours of hiking through the forest stream. “Just enough room to stretch out and feel the ache in every part of my body.”

You hummed in reply, rifling through the backpack you’d had strapped on during the journey. “I can only feel the blisters on my feet, everything else is nothing compared to those.”

Poe grunted in agreement, glancing down at his now bare feet. They were reddened and bloody from sloshing through the water for so long in cheap boots. “Think I’ll be fighting you on who gets to take out Dario now, sweetheart.” You laughed tiredly in response.

You were settled on the ground in front of him, pulling out items from the pack now; food rations, water, and a medical kit. He’d put a small light on, the glow barely casting, just enough to see each other. Poe watched you kick off your shoes and then peel off your socks, setting them aside with Poe’s to dry, before tearing open your ration and taking a bite. Plucking his ration from your extended hand, Poe copied you and together you ate in silence, the meal brief but filling. His eyes were already starting to droop, the busy day catching up to him.

You pulled out some small bacta patches from the medical kit and pointed to his feet, “I’ll do yours if you do mine,” You smiled, and he chuckled lowly, nodding.

You held out your hand for his feet and he carefully adjusted his legs to plop them into your lap, reclining back on his hands. He watched you work, tugging the light closer to see his blisters better and place patches over each one, which instantly eased the discomfort. When you finished, you squeezed his leg before pulling out a cleaning wipe and working it over your hands. You glanced up very suddenly, catching Poe as he watched you.

He held your gaze, wishing he could read your mind. He could tell you were equally as annoyed with the way the mission had turned out as he was, that you were relaxed over the current predicament because you’d both escaped the close reach of the First Order plenty of times before. You were tired, too, but there was something else about the way you looked at him that sent heat up his back, and he felt grateful again for the freedom from the pollen-now he knew his reactions to you were genuine, and he felt the depths for which they went, the intensity, the rightness of it all.

“I feel like we’re thinking the same thing right now,” You surprised him by saying, passing him a package of patches, then switching places to rest your feet in his lap instead. Poe caught your feet in his hands deftly.

“What’s that?”

You tilted your head, a small smile tugging your lips upward, “That it’s nice to be around each other without any other bullshit affecting us-pollen or anger, I mean.” Poe wasn’t sure if it was your intent or not, but something about the tone of your voice had him flushing, and he returned your smile quickly before dropping his gaze to your feet.

He set to work, wanting to laugh at how small your feet were, before replying, “I was thinking that, yes,” He admitted, carefully placing the patches on your blisters. “It’s nice...nice to know what I’m feeling is real, now.”

“Yeah, it sure does,” You agreed softly, sighing a little when he placed the final patch over a particularly nasty-looking wound. You tossed him a wipe and he cleaned off his hands as he moved his eyes from your feet to your face. “Thank you.” You added, wiggling your toes happily.

Pulling your feet from his lap, you returned to rummaging in your backpack, first finding a couple of pairs of clean, dry socks for you each to put on. You then pulled out two thin, rolled-up blankets. Poe sighed, “I’m guessing you don’t have a couple of comfortable fold-out cots in there, Major?” He teased, and you giggled while shaking your head.

“Just some lovely, extra scratchy cameo blankets, Commander,” You passed him one of the pitiful little blankets. They were made of a material mixture that worked to confuse heat signature detection more than they provided any warmth or comfort, but they were better than nothing. That’s what he told himself, anyway.

It took no time at all to prepare to sleep, though as Poe shifted around on the hard ground he wondered exactly how he would achieve it. Usually, he was content to pop a jacket under his head, but the planet was warm enough this time of year that you’d only packed a couple of very thin raincoats as a precaution. You clicked off the light and laid next to him, a few inches separating your bodies as you tucked yourselves into your blankets and tried to get comfortable.

It was maybe three minutes later, staring into the pitch black, the Poe gathered the courage to throw out a suggestion. “Proposal...” He spoke softly into the darkness and heard your head turn toward him.

“Go on then,” You replied, though he could sense you had probably guessed what he was going to say, seeing as you were no doubt as uncomfortable laying flat on the rocky ground.

“How about we roll your blanket into a makeshift pillow, you come here and share mine, and we actually get some rest?”

Instead of replying he heard you sit up and felt a brush of air across his face from you lifting your blanket to straighten it and roll. Now that he’d offered up the idea, however, Poe tensed slightly at the realization that he was moments away from holding you in his arms. He felt his face grow warm and felt grateful for the impenetrable darkness the cramped cave provided.

“Lift,” You said at the same moment your hand found his head, tapping. He raised his head and you slid the rolled blanket underneath, providing immediate relief. Poe slowly reached out for you, hesitating when he found your back, then curling it around you when you shuffled into his side and laid against him. After a moment, your head dropped down onto his chest, though your body was almost rigid against his. Another instance where the ability to read your mind would come in handy.

“Relax, sweetheart,” He murmured, turning his head and pressing his lips to your hair. He adjusted the blanket, ensuring it covered you both, then rested his hand on your hip. He thought you might not listen, you still seemed frozen against him, but Poe was smiling a moment later when he felt your entire body melt into the side of his before your hand came to rest over his heart. The position was so familiar, a lifetime of nights together growing up just like this, that he almost couldn’t bear it. “That’s it, sweet girl, get some sleep.”

He couldn’t have said what happened after that, because you both very promptly fell asleep, warm and safe in one another’s arms. Despite being on the cool, hard ground in a cave in the forests of Takodana, hiding from the First Order, Poe had one hell of a good sleep that night.

—

You were staring through a gap in the trees towards the shipyard outside of Maz Kanata’s castle, sitting entirely still in the morning light that filtered through the trees as you surveilled for any sign of First Order troops. You’d bee on watch for twenty minutes while Poe ran around the perimeter, and you were on edge. You didn’t like having to separate, afraid if one of you was captured you’d be less likely to get away without backup, but there was nothing to be done for it.

You might also be a little worked up from spending the night wrapped in Poe’s arms, but you weren’t focusing on the right now. You definitely weren’t fixating on the way he’d spoken to you to encourage you to relax, nor of how he’d called you ‘sweet girl’ and seemed unaware of the effect that had on you. And you certainly were not remembering how, upon waking up at dawn and enough light came into the cave, you had realized how wrapped around one another you were. At some point in the night, you’d both shifted, legs tangled and Poe’s head nuzzled into your neck, an arm wrapped over your body in a way that made you feel safe at the same time revealing how small you felt compared to his broad, muscular frame.

But most of all, you were absolutely not thinking about how Poe had woken up moments after you, lifted his head to peer down at you with heavy-lidded eyes, and then just held your gaze with an unreadable expression on his face that had left you breathless. It was like he’d pinned you to the floor with that fucking look, and you weren’t sure if it was a minute or an hour before your comm alarm went off, indicating an incoming message, and you tore your eyes away to read the message from Jess, who’d managed to send through that it was safe to return to your ship.

In fact, you were so focused on your mission, so completely not obsessing over the last twenty hours, that you were not at all surprised when Poe suddenly appeared at your side, panting slightly from his run.

He saw you jump in surprise. “Did I scare you?” He joked, and you grumbled in response, though this was worse than denying it outright and he started to laugh, before pointing ahead to the pathway “We can take that, head straight for the ship, everything is clear ahead.”

Click.

All it took was the sound of a blaster’s safety clicking off for Poe to grab you and whirl, shielding you completely from the enemy who had snuck up on your six. It took a second for you to steady yourself, then you had to peer carefully around his shoulder to see who it was. The familiar green form stood a few feet away with a grimace, pointing a fairly old-looking blaster directly at you and Poe.

“Dario, you fucking-“ You snarled, attempting to move around Poe but his arm shot back and held you behind him with surprising strength, and you stilled.

“I know, I know,” Dario drawled, unmoving, “Honestly, I had no plans to do this but the First Order put a pretty decent reward out for whoever manages to capture you two. Figured I could get back into their good graces, clear my ledger, you know how it is honey.”

Poe had left his hand resting at your hip, and at Dario’s words, his grip tightened. You were pressed against his back and could feel the tension, the coil in his muscles ready to snap. “Buddy, you do not want to try this. Handing us over to the First Order only puts a massive target on your head-and the Resistance doesn’t play games when it comes to betrayal.” His words were laced with venom, his voice low.

You’d seen Poe like this only a few times in your life because usually when it came to being cornered by enemies he was cocky, mouthing off to distract until he could come up with a plan. Today, however, Poe was almost frightening to you, his focused rage as intense as it was. You pressed a hand into his back, just to do something to calm him-this was one Twi’lek, surely you could take him before he called for back up, when your hand brushed over something hard.

His blaster.

Yours was at your hip, and you knew it was too risky to go for it with Dario pointing his own at Poe’s heart. You wouldn’t even attempt it, however, the blaster tucked into the back of his pants, hidden beneath his shirt, was more than ideal. You just had to time it right.

“Look, I’m more sorry than anyone that it’s come to this. But you two are valuable, did you know that? I certainly didn’t,” Dario took a half step closer, his eyes moving from yours, where you were still peeking from around Poe, and then up to Poe’s, “I will do you one favour though. I won’t tell them how close you are; hopefully, that’ll keep them from torturing you in front of one another-“

Your temper flared again, “They wouldn’t get anything out of us regardless, Dario, that’s why this is fruitless. You hand us over and you’re only letting us die!” As you spoke, you dropped your hand to pull Poe’s shirt from his pants, sliding your hand underneath to grip the blaster.

“Don’t,” Poe said firmly, his eyes still on Dario. You knew it was a command for you, and you hesitated.

Dario sighed, “I have to, and I’m sorry about this but I’ll have to shoot you, big guy because I can’t risk things getting physical,” He lowered the blaster to aim for Poe’s leg, “I hear the First Order have excellent medical staff, so-“

You felt Poe’s grip on your arm adjust, and realized he was going to try and throw you out of harm’s way and take the shot. Now, you didn’t hesitate, pulling the blaster out, clicking the safety off and aiming it at Dario’s head before he realized what was happening. With no other choice, Poe let you go as you stepped from behind him.

“That’s good, you’re going to need them.” You seethed, watching in amusement as Dario tightened his hold on his blaster, gritting his teeth to outgun you. He didn’t stand a chance. You shot his arm first, forcing him to drop his weapon, and then fired two more shots; one to the opposite shoulder, and one to the leg. He cried out in agony and you marched forward, flipping the blaster in your hand to grip the heated shaft, and drove the blunt end into the side of his head.

Dario sagged to the ground, unconscious.

“Well, I’ll hand that one to you,” Poe spoke from behind you, and you glanced around to find him watching you, hands on his hips, smirking in a way that didn’t meet his eyes. “Even if you did ignore my order.”

With a sigh, you held out his blaster for him, watching his jaw clench as he took it from you. “You put that in the report. And I’ll put in the part where you shoved me behind you,” You quipped, quirking a brow at him. He knew it wasn’t protocol for him to have protected you like that, and as much as you were touched and your heart was racing over how instantaneously he had reacted to ensure you were safe, you weren’t going to let him chew you out for doing the same. “Now can we leave this fucking forest, flyboy, or do you want to punish me first?”

You hadn’t meant the words to come out so...charged. You were worked up, still reeling a little over the fact that Poe was almost shot, and you wanted to leave before anything else happened. He had been watching you like he expected your initial remarks calling him out for the break in protocol, seemingly amused. You weren’t sure what he was going to shoot back at you, and you didn’t find out because the moment you tacked on the last line, his expression went blank and he simply stared at you for a very long moment.

You couldn’t look away from him, despite the heat crawling up your neck from embarrassment. You weren’t even sure where the words had come from, because they were enormously similar to how you and Poe used to speak to one another, teasingly, but you’d said it with so much more attitude. Like you were flirting without caution, and it caught him entirely off guard. You wished you could read his mind, as his eyes, now brighter than you’d seen them in a while, searchd your face.

“Let’s...let’s go,” He finally looked away, his eyes flicking around the forest, then to the still unconscious Dario, and then to his blaster. You weren’t sure, but you thought his voice came out a little more husky than usual, and heat pooled in your core as you briefly wondered what being punished by Poe Dameron would feel like.

Poe stood under the hot water, eyes closed, replaying the last few days in his head. His fresher was one of the few places he could be completely alone and he was taking advantage of a quiet afternoon to himself.

After returning from Takodana that morning, he had taken the intel from you to give to BB8 to begin decryption, and you had gone off to begin working on your mission report. Usually, you did this right in the hangar, but today you’d given him a shy smile, and then marched off. He hadn’t seen you since, though he was sure he would find you in the dining hall for dinner.

He was worked up from the mission, that much he knew for sure. It hadn’t gone as planned-when did they ever?-but he was, well, fucking impressed with you. You’d always been something else when it came to being pinned in a corner, though thankfully he’d only seen it a couple of times. But today you had been like a warrior goddess, shooting Dario without even a tremble in your finger and then knocking him unconscious like it was an afterthought. You made it all look easy.

He tried to admonish you just a little for ignoring him, but you had been right that he wasn’t one to talk about breaking protocol. And then you hit him with that flirtatious little line, wetting your fucking lips as you said it, appearing a little shocked at your boldness. He’d had to force himself to go blank, fearing your ability to read him like a book, while he watched you squirm under his gaze.

That pollen had nothing, nothing, on you. An innocent remark from you and he was bulldozed, ready to drop to his knees and tell you he’d give you whatever you wanted, needed, even if he had to fly across the galaxy for it. And you had no idea, he could see that you just didn’t know how much of a hold you had on him, on his heart. Poe had gone back to the med bay the other day, before the mission, and confirmed twice over with Tahla and his team that he was clear of all toxins because his feelings were so intense.

And he’d realized that what he was feeling was so much more real and right compared to the foggy desire that the pollen had caused. And he knew now, after watching you in action in the cantina, and then as you found a safe spot to hide for the night, and certainly in the morning when he’d woken up wrapped around you and gazed into your sleepy eyes, that he loved you.

That he was in love with you.

There was no one else.

And there never would be, because you were his soulmate.

Stepping out of the shower, Poe dried off and began dressing. His mind was flipping through old memories, some from when you were kids, others from after you’d joined the Resistance, each of them evidence to support his realization. He was fastening his trousers when a knock sounded at his door, and he wandered over and hit the release button without thinking, so lost in thought as he was.

“Hey, Poe, sorry I...uh...” You faltered, wide eyes falling comically down his bare torso before snapping up to look somewhere above his eyebrows. Your voice came out almost in a squeak, “Just seeing if you wanted to get dinner.”

Seeing you get flustered looking at him made Poe sweat. He stepped away from you and went to his dresser, pulling out a black tee. “Sounds good,” He replied slowly, then glanced back over at you and grinned. “You want me to throw some cold water on you, sweetheart?”

His joking had the desired effect, instantly clearing the tension from the room. You laughed, rolling your eyes. “I’ll be fine, flyboy.”

“I don’t know, I recall a day at the river a long time ago, pulling off my shirt and then you falling out of a tree...”

You scoffed, then stuttered, stepping into Poe’s room, “I-that’s not, I was talking to someone. It wasn’t because of-Uhg!” You flipped him the bird then, unable to form a clear sentence in Basic. Poe was laughing, enjoying the teasing banter as he walked over to his desk and picked up his wrist comm, glancing at the time.

When he looked back up, expecting to see you still laughing shyly, he was surprised to find you frozen, eyes glued onto something over his shoulder. His brows came together in concern, “What’s up?” He looked around, following your sightline.

At first, he was momentarily confused because you were looking at his corkboard. But when his eyes fell to the picture of you, Charlie and him he realized you didn’t know he had it. He’d seen it in your room a while ago and had almost started sobbing on the spot. But you hadn’t come to Poe’s room before this.

Poe turned around to find you with a watery smile, your gaze fixed on him in an intensely affectionate way. “You kept that all these years?” You sounded winded, eyes locked on his. Poe swallowed, nodding, and felt himself blush.

He couldn’t look away if he wanted to.

He didn’t want to, though. He was pretty certain he could remain on this spot in his room as he burned under your gaze for the rest of his life. A million questions formed in his mind and he didn’t know where to start, what to say first.

The silence was broken by the sounds of footsteps in the hall. Pulling both of you out of the moment to look around at Poe’s still open door. Tahla appeared then, breaking into a grin when he saw you both. “Hi! Glad I caught you both, I was hoping to join you for dinner?” He stopped in the doorway politely.

As disappointment washed through him, Poe relaxed his stance and tossed Tahla a grin, “And here (y/n) was asking me to dinner too, I’m more popular than I thought!” You giggled, shaking your head in amusement, but Poe could see you bite your lip when you glanced back at him.

He thought maybe Tahla was giving you both a knowing look, but it slid off his face when you turned to walk out of Poe’s room. Grateful for his lack of comment, Poe clapped Tahla’s shoulder once in step with him in the hallway, and his old friend winked at him in response.

—

34 ABY

Poe knocked on the door of General Organa’s private quarters, repeating the motion desperately until it finally slid open and he burst through, eyes searching until they landed on Leia. She gave him a knowing look like she’d been expecting him. Of course, she was, she knew what was at stake now.

“General,” He glanced around, confirming they were alone. “You know what I know. Please help me.” He didn’t care how desperate he sounded.

Leia sighed, nodding kindly, “Of course I will...but Commander, Poe, it’s not going to be easy. There’s always going to be danger-“

Poe rubbed a hand over his face, “I know, I know but I have to do something. Tell me the safest planet, and then I’ll go to Jakku, I’ll find Lor San Tekka. I’ll complete my mission.”

The General stood, her expression soft, “You won’t be able to-“

Poe shook his head, “I know.” His voice broke.

“Then I know just the place.”

Did you enjoy this chapter? Consider leaving a comment or reblogging to ease my inner turmoil as a writer. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Taglist

@mermaidxatxheart @foxilayde @eleinemk @paintballkid711 @mylifeisactuallyamess @20th-centu-fairy-girl @deitysnips @cannedsoupsucks @ubri812 @poedameronloverx @hoeforthefictional @astrological-bitch @itsnottilly @itsdameron @alex-sulli @generousrunawaydonut @wildmoonflower @onlyferorder66 @afootnoteinyourhappiness

#reader insert #fanfic #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron #angst #fluff #multichapter #night changes series #friends to lovers #star wars #poe dameron fanfic #poe dameron imagine #poe x reader #poe dameron x female reader #poe dameron smut #oscar isaac

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fanmoose12 · 3 years

Note

I like to think the first time when Levi and Hanji confessed their feelings it was during a fight. Hanji's going through the mess in her office worried that she's failing as a commander and in a moment of weakness admits she should've been the one to die that day instead of him. She wasnt needed here. Erwin was. Erwin would've known what to do. Levi who had just entered the office to check up on her starts seething with anger & roughly strikes his fist against her table. She looks up at him shocked and teary eyed. 'Wtf hanji? After all we've been through, all you care about is dying like a coward?' She gets up and starts shouting at him. How he doesnt get the pressure shes under. That she feels lonely most of the time. She misses Moblit. She misses who she was. She misses watching the world with both eyes. You feel so distant. Im sick of pretending there's no space between us anymore when there's a vaccuum. Heck you dont even call me four eyes anymore. She stops when he grabs her by the arm and pulls her close. 'Does it matter to you that much?' He isnt looking at her. Shes stunned unable to come up with a diversion. She gives in and accepts it. 'Yes. It does. You were..u were all I was left with Levi. And it feels like I lost you too' He pulls her close meeting her eyes with a look she hasnt seen before. 'U think ur the only one who's miserable? U think I dont see u dying everyday crumbling under this pressure? U think i dont carry the burden of our fallen comrades on my shoulders? U think its easy to love someone who probably blames u for making her life hell? To see myself lose u to this position u hold? I die everyday hanji. I feel like the loneliest man to ever exist. I lost u too that day. Everytime I look at u I see the ghost of who hanji was and how I killed her. Im miserable too hanji but knowing you'd rather choose death than stick with me here......I cant bear the thought" She stares at his face for the first time after that event on the wall. His handsome features strained and drained. She thought his eyes were lifeless then yet now...he looked half dead. She prided herself in being the only one able to read him yet she failed this time. He...loved her? God. This infuriating emotionally constipated man was telling her he loved her missed her. Stupid Levi. Stupid Hanji. They were here. They were alive and together. The world was cruel but so beautiful. They were soldiers who had devoted their hearts to a cause greater than them. But at this moment, she felt like nothing else mattered but this man before her. She was so glad he was alive. So glad he was here with her. She held his face in her hands stroking his cheeks. He looked stunned for a moment before his features relaxed. As though he had heard the rumbling in her head. She let go of his face and took his hand while moving out of the office to her room. She gave him a hesitant look as they reached her door thinking what if theyre not on the same page. What if shes taking it too fast. What if shes misreading the situation. He answered by opening the door and dragging her inside with him. Sitting on the bed he reluctantly took her hand in his 'Hanji..I..' She stopped him by putting a finger on his lips. 'Dont'

She brought his face closer to hers. She could feel her heart beating against her chest and his warm breath on her face. 'Oh God what am I even doing' she thought to herself. As she was fumbling with her actions, Levi smiled and reached towards the back of Hanji's head, pulling her close. "Let me start this time," he said, lips brushing over hers delicately. He pulled her close and pressed his lips to Hanji's, appreciating their fullness. He began giving her small smooches, noticing that both his and Hanji's breathing had increased. Hanji had wrapped her arms around Levi, pulling him closer to guide his mouth deeper into the kisses. It was like a hidden door had been unlocked inside Levi. He became suddenly overwhelmed with the amount of suppressed affection he held for her. So this is how to tell her without words, he thought. "Hanji," Levi whispered, barely audible. He ran his tongue softly along her lips, relishing her taste. Hanji moaned, causing a tingle to run down his spine. "Levi," protested Hanji but he captured her lips with his once more. "Hanji," he whispered as he kissed her deeper and continued to embellish her with kiss after kiss, only allowing her to breathe as he whispered her name over and over. "Hanji...Hanji...Hanji."

With much will power, she pushed him away realizing the situation was bound to get out of control if she didnt. 'Levi wait' He looked up at her with dizzy eyes waiting for her to continue, " Levi....I’m not sure where this life will take us. I dont know how long we'll live. But if we survive...promise me...when we're finally done with our duties in the Survey Corps...You'll...consider living with me in the woods somewhere" Levi smiled and planted a tender kiss on her forehead. "I don't know..." He pulled away to gaze into her imploring stare. "I don't do promises.." Her face fell at his words. 'But I can make an exception in this case. Promise me you'll survive. Promise me that and I'll agree to the forrest deal" Hange beamed at him before giving him a peck on the cheek. "Only if you're with me till the very end"

"Damn it Four Eyes..." he chided mockingly as he reached up for her chin to give her another adoring kiss. For the first time after the battle in Shiganshina, they both didnt feel lonely that night.

anon!!!!!!! wtf this is so good!!!! i was at the edge of my seat and gripping my heart frantically!!! what a rollercoaster of emotions!!! thank you for blessing my eyes with this💕

#levihan

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softcallofdutyimagines · 3 years

Note

can i get sum safehouse crew reactions to them noticing their s/o is slowly falling out of love with them or them slowly falling out of love with their s/o? i’m in the mood for sum heartbreak T_T

Bro this is gonna hurt, oof. I'll do their s/o falling out of love with them 😪😪 Brace yourself tho 😭

Thank you for the request, and I hope you enjoy 💖💖

Adler

He's been through this song and dance already, so he knows the signs

He just never thought he'd have to go through it with you

So, he tries to ignore it for as long as he can

Maybe he can win you back, right?

He splurges a little extra, takes you out to nicer places, buys you flowers, the whole shebang

But you know what he's doing

You've already made up your mind

There's no easy way to do it, so you break the news to him at the start of one such fancy date

He takes it well at face value

But when he gets home...

All he can think of is how sorry he is that you'll never be here to help him out of this break down

Hudson

Hudson may not be a very emotional man, but don't think for a second that he can't read people

He knows exactly what's going on

It's only a matter of time

He's never known greater pain then that which he feels while waiting for you break up with him

The days pass far too slowly

Everytime you call for him, he flinches and braces for bad news

He wants so badly to break things off himself, but he somehow keeps convincing himself that maybe the two of you can rebound from this

It's not until the very last time you call for him that things finally end

He acts as he usually does, cold and distant, when you break things off

And from that moment forward, he swears he'll never be this vulnerable with another person again

Lazar

He's so happy in this relationship that he has no clue what's going on

Why would he?

He finds it a bit odd that you've become more distant and less affectionate then usual

But, he just chalks it up to a mixture of his imagination and perhaps an off couple days for you

Besides, you make him so happy...

The idea that you don't love him is unthinkable

Surely he must be making you just as happy as you make him

Right?

When you drop the breakup on him, he's totally blindsided

He thinks it's a joke, a very unfunny one at that

It takes a good few moments for him to finally understand that you're serious

He covers his deviation with anger and sends you away

He's never felt so betrayed

Mason

When Mason starts to pick up on the signs...

He just accepts it

He's miserable, but he's lived like that before

After all, he could never believe that someone as amazing as you could love him

All this does is prove him right

He does nothing to change his behavior or try to win you over

He's already accepted the loss and is mourning the relationship

Thinking he knows already, you only break it to him as early as you do because you notice how depressed he's become

He doesn't even pretend to be surprised

Nor does he try to guilt trip you, however

He just lets you go

Park

It's little changes with you

A few less calls

A half hearted kiss

A cancelled date

She doesn't need to be a special agent to pick up on these clues

For the longest time, she doesn't want to believe it

She waits a while, always with the hope that things will turn around

There's always the chance she could be wrong if course

But... Things never get better

Only worse, if anything

It breaks he to her core

She was so sure you were the one... How could this happen?

If this is going to go through, she decides she wants to end things in her terms

She confronts you, and you both come to a mutual break up

It's for the best

Sims

Sims has had lots of flings in his life

Most of them were serious, but he has yet to find someone who sticks

As much as it hurts to say...

When he notices you starting to pull away, he doesn't have much to say

Just another in his long line of failed relationships

He confronts you and asks if you want to end things

It stings when you say yes, but...

Like he said, he's use to it

You both drift apart and never really connect again

Maybe one day he'll find someone he can be happy with

Woods

Woods has always been on the edge regarding your relationship

He's never been use to someone caring about him like this

And he doesn't know how he ever lived without it

He'd do anything to keep you with him

He may be a little overbearing or paranoid at times, but...

Simply put, you could never understand how he feels

How lonely he felt

How crazy and unlovable he thought he was

When he notices you pulling away from him, he freaks out

He panics and, not knowing any better, tries to tighten his hold on you

Little does he know that's exactly the kind of behavior that's been pushing you away

Finally you can't take it anymore and you break it off

He's so hurt and confused and sorry

He's so sorry...

He doesn't know what he did to fuck up such a good thing, but he does know that he blames himself for the whole ordeal

#black ops cold war #call of duty #russell adler x reader #jason hudson x reader #lazar x reader #eleazar azoulay x reader #alex mason x reader #helen park x reader #lawrence sims x reader #frank woods x reader

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laos-soft-bunny · 3 years

Text

Icy Charge.

Bi-Han. Smut warning. Bdsm elements, also you are thrown though an ice wall. So unhealthy elements but he takes care of you. Also like heartbreak at the start. Also a bit of Kuai love.

(Translations: Qīnài de: darling. bǎobèi:baby. Wǒ huì shāle tā: I’ll kill him)

————-

Bi-Han paced silently though the halls of the Lin Kuei temple, watching and waiting. The temperature ticking slowly down around him. He was frustrated. You were late. He was a very, very impatient man. The drink in his hand was turning to a slushy mess, the cup forming to ice. Bi-Han’s icy blue eyes were closed, his breathing slow. Someone was here that wasn’t supposed to be. Boots quietly making their way across the floor. Bi-Han’s hand crushed the glass in his hand in one swift motion as he turned on his heel to follow the sound.

Glass crushed to the floor in shards. Bi-Han’s eyes turned even darker in annoyance as he opened them to see who was disturbing his presence. His breath fogged out his mask as he dropped the temperature in the room. Opening his hand he created an ice shard. “Who is here” he calls out sternly. No one called back. It wasn’t you. He knew when it was you. He could feel the warmth from your body when you entered the room. “Brother ” Kuai Liang calls from behind him. Bi-Han turns on his heel to face his younger brother. “What is it Kuai” he whispers as he lowly growls, still annoyed there is someone in the temple. “It’s your Qīnài de” Kuai calls out, racing to catch up with Bi-Han. Bi-Han’s face twisted into a concerned anger. “Where..is-“ Bi-Han began to mutter under his breath as Kenshi rounded the corner into the grandmasters chamber. “YOU” Bi-Han yelled as he turned around.

His eyes widened and he stopped mid sentence as he seen you laying limp in Kenshi’s arms. “bǎobèi” Bi-Han yelled as he rushed over to Kenshi. “WHAT HAPPENED TO HER” Bi-Han just got louder as panic set in. The blood on your face and your busted nose shot him through the heart. “bǎobèi no.. no bǎobèi wake up” Bi-Han pleaded not giving Kenshi time to explain as he took you from his arms. You didn’t move and Bi-Han pressed his cold fingers to your neck, checking for a pulse. “She is okay Grandmaster. She got jumped by the Red Dragon.. Kano got his for messing with her. He got the worst of the fight. Her nose is shattered and she’s okay.. she’s out cold though.” Kenshi began to explain what he witnessed. “The assault was already over by the time I got to her” Kenshi continues and hands your necklace to him. Bi-Han begins to shake with anger as he kneels down holding you close. “Wǒ huì shāle tā” Bi-Han’s voice was now shaking with rage as he stroked his finger across your nose gently.

The next few weeks Bi-Han was very caring and tender towards you. He made sure you were cared for and was cooking meals for you. His mother’s recipes were always amazing when he made them. Bi-Han kept a constant eye on you as the healing process was happening. Kuai took over the missions for a while. while you slept peacefully in Bi-Hans bed, curled up holding onto his pillow, Bi-Han sat on the floor and watched, calmly for once, his mind was at rest. His girl could handle anything life threw at her and he knew it. You snuggled the pillow tighter and made a whine that drew Bi-Han to full attention. Something was disturbing your sleep. And Bi-Han would punch the dream in its face,if he could, if that meant his baby rested undisturbed. Waiting until you quieted back down and slept again before he stopped staring at you and went back to his resting sitting place on the soft carpet. Bi-Han knew it would be time to return to missions with the Lin Kuei soon. Sooner rather than later it came.

Loud crashes came from across the temple where the grandmasters thrones were. A startled Bi-Han pushed himself off the floor quickly and shot down the hallway. Kuai was reared up, hands ready to fight. The eldest Cryomancer was behind his brother in no time, Ice blade already formed as he stood face to face with His lovers assaulter. Kano smirked, and Bi-Hans chest tightened. “Get out of my temple Kano” Kuai Liang had spoken the words aggressively, making the Aussie laugh and step forward. “Another step and I’m driving this shard through your jugular” Bi-Han growled through gritted teeth. Kano laughed even harder and came at Bi-Han. He did as he promised and shoved the ice through Kano’s neck and without a second thought froze the blood the spilled out of his neck, into another weapon and stabbed that one though kano’s chest. Bi-Han let out a growl that ripped through his chest and caused his armor to tremble. He pulled the ice blade through the rest of Kano’s neck. The Lin Kuei’s most deadly assassin bared his teeth and was seething with rage. Kuai wrapped his arms around his brother, pulling him off Kano, he was dead and that’s what Bi-Han wanted. Bi-Han shoved Kuai off with a hard grunt and stormed out the door.

You lay asleep, unaware of anything that just happened in your sacred home. Your eyes slowly flutter open as the bed dips. You whine sleepily and reach out like a child for Bi-Han. The room isn’t as cold as it usually was with Bi-Han. Kuai could control his temperature a bit more. It was a comfortable warm with a slight chill. “Not big brother” Kuai whispers as he gives your hand a gentle kiss before he stands and motions to the small breakfast on the bedside table, whispering “eat darling”. He had not seen you leave the room for days and wanted to make sure you ate. You began to eat the breakfast, but noticing Bi-Han was gone from the temple. The cold had settled to a slight warmth, and that was usual. Bi-Han made the temple feel like an ice castle. The older Cyromancer had been gone for hours, he found some missions to keep him busy.

You stumbled out of bed finally, pulling on a discarded shirt from the chair in the room, some black pants and finally the training hoodie you always wore. As the grandmasters girlfriend you had to train the young Lin Kuei. You trained with these kids and they became like family to you. You gave them your everything. But one thing burned on your mind, and that was Bi-Han. He had not been very sexually advanced toward you recently, and it kinda bothered you. You felt like you just weren’t attractive to him. The only interaction was forehead kisses before you went to bed. In the midst of your next thought one of the younger Lin Kuei warriors sweeped your leg out from underneath you and you fell, flat on your ass. He was in his defensive position when you shook out of your thoughts. A small hand was offered to you, even though he was small, he gave all his might to help you up, and it was the thought that counts. You smiled and said “nice one little Lin Kuei warrior. You caught me off guard”. He cheered silently and gave a small bow. You returned the bow and slowly realized that the smell of dumplings filled the training room. “Ah it smells like lunch may be ready, my little warriors” you said out loud, giving them fist bumps. “You guys did awesome today with training” you told the small group. You headed into the dining room.

Same routine every day, except Days had passed, no word from Bi-Han, Kuai was nervously messing with his chopsticks and his head snapped from his thoughts when you and the children came into sight for dinner. You sat next to the other grandmaster and his brows furrowed. “Bi-Han has been gone for almost 2 weeks” Kuai stated, point blank, with anxiety tipping at his tone. He was never this worried. You on the other hand was the real mess, your eyes were swollen from the lack of sleep and so much crying. You missed Bi-Han miserably. You didn’t feel at peace at all, your soul was worried, and your physical exhaustion showed. Bi-Hans absence drove you to the edge of sever depression. You excused yourself from dinner with the children and other Lin Kuei, and went back to the chambers you shared with Bi-Han, tears falling steadily. Sometime soon Kuai had gently climbed into the bed with you, and was holding you as you cried. “I miss him so much and.. I feel so neglected” you said though sobs. You didn’t need to explain the lack of affection to Kuai, he understood, but he held you though the sobs and he tried his best to comfort you. He was unable to bring himself to leave you in this miserable state. You were so sexually frustrated, that was one of the main causes of your attitude and emotions, but you were not gonna admit that to Kuai. The simple touches of his affection was enough to remind you just how lonely you were. You did the one thing you never thought you would do.

Before you could stop yourself, you had your hand tangled in the thick black hair of Kuai Liang’s, pulling him to you and leaning in to smash your lips with his. Shocked, Kuai kissed back, and your hands held him there, though he was not pulling back. You knew that you needed this and he knew it too. You began to relax As his hands rested on your hips, but slowly you pulled back. Shame flooded your face as you thought about Bi-Han and what he would do to his brother if he found out you had made out with him. But Kuai’s mind was already hazy and he pulled you back against him and brought your lips back together. In the heat of the moment the room’s temperature suddenly bottomed out. Bi-Han was watching his younger brother kiss you and touch your hips. A loud growl ripped through the room, almost animalistic. You pulled back and stared in horror as Bi-Han had formed an ice blade and came towards you and Kuai. Bi-Han stomped angerly when he got to the edge of the bed, an ice wall forming to the ceiling. His hands reached for Kuai’s throat but you got in between them before Bi-Han could grab Kuai. Bi-Han’s tone was deadly, and he snarled out “move before I kill you”. You pushed him back and said “it’s not his fault B-Bi-Han. It’s mine. I kissed him first..” but before you could continue your explanation Bi-Han’s hands had grasped your collar of your shirt and he was throwing you. The ice shattered around you as you went through the ice wall. You screamed in pain as you adjusted to the negative temperature in the room mixing with the ice shards that have cut you up. Kuai was already at your side as you landed and Bi-Han came toward the two of you.

The brothers began to spar. “Maybe if you didn’t cause her to feel like she had no choice to get attention and actually feel like she’s worthy of love, she wouldn’t have kissed me!” Kuai yelled at the older cryomancer. “I have to do the work you can’t seem to finish! I didn’t have time to take care of her because of you!” Bi-Han yells back, swinging at Kuai. Kuai ducked and they began to fight physically. You groan in pain and the ice melts that was stabbed in your back. A few minutes later, you manage to push yourself off the ground, shivering as the ice froze the blood that escaped. “ENOUGH” you yelled shoving your way between the two of them. For once they both listened. “Bi-Han!” You screamed in frustration. “I’ll be back to deal with you!” You said as you pulled Kuai out of the room and you demanded him to go clean up the blood on his face. You were pissed off and stormed back to the chambers. Bi-Han was fuming. As he seen you, he met you half way, slamming the door behind you and pinning you to it.

“So you think making out with my brother in OUR bed would help solve everything? Why the FUCK didn’t you-“ Bi-Han began to spew as he had your hands above your head. “Bi-Han! Shut the fuck up and LISTEN!” You screamed as you fought against his grip. Bi-Han actually shut up and waited for your reasoning. “You’ve neglected me since I got injured! I’ve made advances toward you and you’ve shrugged me off! Even when I was healed!” You say, frustration in your voice. “And you haven’t touched me in months! I needed affection! You left me so god damn touch starved!” You continued, getting more angry. Bi-Han huffed and before you could speak again his fingers were pushing past the waistband of your jeans and past your underwear, pressing against your clit, causing you to stumble over your words. “Is this what you want” Bi-Han whispered deeply. “You fucking brat” he finishes his sentence, his words dripping with venom. He wastes no time in pushing two fingers into your tight heat.

Panting you close your eyes as he begins his rough pace, curling his fingers. “Say it” he growls, it rumbles his chest. You stutter before your eyes give away your desire. “Y-yes Bi-Han” you whisper in a low whimper. “You will call me Grandmaster, you ungrateful brat” he whispers into your ear, before he bites your earlobe. You shiver and whisper “yes grandmaster..” you sigh as his fingers start to move more roughly. You moan out, unable to help yourself. You cave and spread your legs a little bit. He pressed his knee between your legs to hold you steady as his free hand grips your neck, and he squeezes. You gasp and whimper, closing your eyes. His icy blue eyes bore into you as he watches your neck and your breathing struggle. With one simple movement he moves his knee, and has you on yours, back against the door. Bi-Han let’s out a loud growl, pushing his pants and underwear down his legs. His cock finally freed, he grabs your head and pushes his head past your lips with no hesitation. You gag a bit and that makes him throw his head back and let out a frustrated moan. He lets you adjust a bit before he begins to throat fuck you relentlessly. “Such a good girl with my cock in your throat” he coos and tangles his hand in your hair. “Be fucking good and you’ll be rewarded” he follows up the sentence with a smack to your face. It makes you moan around him. “Oh such a good little whore.. you enjoyed that didn’t you” Bi-Han said, lust dripping in his tone.

Letting yourself relax as he uses your face, you start to feel super turned on. Bi-Han tangles his hair into your hair and guides you to take his whole cock, making your eyes water. He pulled back out and gave you a minute to breathe, gently stroking your cheek. Bi-Han would hurt you but he still had a heart. “Up” he whispered sternly, offering you his hands. You took them, your knees shaking slightly. Bi-Han pulled you to your feet and in no time had his hands around your ass, lifting you to wrap your legs around his waist. leaving your clothes across the room. He kissed you as he carried you toward the bed. In no time he had your back on the bed, his hips pressing against yours. “Hands up.. brat” Bi-Han whispered into your ear, knowing how you reacted to commands. He didn’t want to force you into something when he knew a command would make you shiver, and that it did. You raised your hands obediently above your head, and Bi-Han’s own pinned them down, Forming ice around them and locking them into place. You squirmed as his cold fingers danced down from your cheek to your neck and before he went any further he ripped his shirt in two with one hand, finally releasing your wrists. Bi-Han’s eyes watched your pleading ones. You were so turned on, you soaked his thighs. His icy eyes got darker and he took part of the shirt, lifting your head gently and tying it around your head.

The loss of your sight made you hyper aware of how his fingers felt, how hard he was touching and how cold he was letting himself be. He dipped his head, letting his tongue run down your neck, causing the skin to prickle under the ice cold tongue. He found your favorite spot and started to kiss and suck. Moans rose from your lips, as you began to grind against his hips slowly. “You are such a good girl when you are under me, soaking my thighs” Bi-Han whispered into your ear before quickly moving his head to take one of your breasts in his mouth, biting down on your nipple gently, before he went to the other one and gave it attention. The whines falling from your lips were utterly pleasing to his ears. Sliding himself down the bed in a seamless motion, he was between your thighs and the heat from you, caused him to drool. As arrogant and cocky as Bi-Han was when it came to you, he turned to a eager, impatient dom. He couldn’t lick you quick enough. Bi-Han’s hands pulled your thighs apart with ease and over his shoulders. His tongue found your clit and he began his licking and sucking. His hands on your hips kept you from squirming away. Bi-Han dropped his body temperature and the temperature in the room, causing his tongue to send shivers through you that wracked your whole body, a light layer of ice was forming on your hips. When you tried to move away as he was assaulting your clit with his tongue, he squeezed tighter and held you down. His eyes looked up at you, moaning and your body trembling. He dips his tongue into you and pushed in. You gasped loudly, struggling against the ice needing to touch him. His hard cock strained against the bed.

Bi-Han let out a throaty moan against you, as your insides tightened around his tongue. “A-ah G-grandmaster I-“ you stuttered out, your body shaking as orgasm wracks you. Bi-Han’s fingers tightened so hard on your hips, he knew there would be bruises. He kept working his tongue letting you ride out your orgasm, grinding on his face. He drank every drop he could get from you like he was starving. He gave you a second to recover as he cleaned your juices off his face. He roughly grabbed your still iced hands, and shattered the ice on them, holding them and wrapping them with the other half of his torn shirt. “You okay” Bi-Han’s voice was soft and velvet. He didn’t want you to lose your hands. You nodded and gave a small “yes sir”. Bi-Han’s strong hands pulled you to the edge of the bed and had you flipped over on your stomach before he spoke again. “You use your safe word if you need it..what is it princess?” He asked you. His cold fingers tracing your back where the blood had dried. “Fire” you said, loud enough for him to hear. “Good girl” Bi-Han muttered as his hands began to form an ice whip. He smirked at his own skill. He settled back in between your legs, pulling you flush against his hips, pushing his cock into you. You made a loud shocking moan and your fingers curled into the sheets.

Bi-Han would test your limits. He finished sinking his cock into you, and his right hand gripped into this icy whip. And boy did the whip shape well. It made Bi-Han’s cock twitch inside you. The cryomancer watched your back move as you breathed, he trailed the edge down your back, causing you to moan and whimper. It scared you when he made new things to play with that you couldn’t see. “B-Bi-Han please..” you moaned out as he expertly trailed it across your spine. You were trembling. Bi-Han cracked it across your shoulders and you let a scream of pain out. Blood began to trail where he hit. Bi-Han got even harder than he already was inside you, which caused you to moan after whimpering from the sting. He wouldn’t use it long because he was ready to fuck you. His free hand found the sweet spot on your back and his voice deepened as he moaned and cracked the whip right against where his hand just moved. Bi-Han enjoyed your tormented cries but not much longer, he pressed the flat of his tongue to the blood and licked. You moaned loud and ripped the Sheets under your fingers as the blood froze under his tongue. Oh that drove him crazy. He laid a few more cracks against your soft flesh before he discarded the whip across the room, his hands going to your hips in an instant, and he began to fuck into your tight heat.

Bi-Han panted as he filled you completely and pulled the most gorgeous moans from your lips. Still on his cock, he flipped you onto you back. You whimpered as the mattress pressed into the fresh cuts. Your hands went up to Bi-Hans shoulders and clawed him as he started to pound into you at an angle, hitting the right spot, making you tighten around him. “Oh fuck bǎobèi” he moaned shameless loud and fucked you into the mattress. His hands pinned down your arms again as he kept pressing against your sweet spot. You moaned so loud, you knew others would hear you. “Ah fuck grandmaster I’m close” you moaned as you tangled your hands into his hair and pulled him down to kiss you roughly. Your tongues fought for dominance, knowing you stood no chance against him though. He bit down on your lip and pulled hard enough to cause blood to start. The coppery warmth caused him to snap his hips even harder into you. You let out a scream of “Bi-Han- ah fuck GRANDMASTER” as you started to cum. Bi-Han turned your sweat to ice as he began to lose his pace, while you squeezed around him as you orgasmed. “Oh.. oh FUCK” Bi-Han yelled as his orgasm tore though his body, causing him to shake. He pinned himself as deep inside of you as he could get and his hot cum filled you. He collapsed on top of you, his breath coming in a thick fog. His hand reached up and removed your blindfold and as you opened your eyes to see him trying to steady his breathing on your chest, you realized he had his mask on. “Wh-when did you” you began to ask through labored breathing. His eyes looked to you and you could see the smirk playing in his eyes even though he was still breathing hard. “Right before we came. I know you like seeing me in it. Figured you’d wanna see it when you finally regained sight” he said, his hands rubbing your cheek. It’s true he did look so sexy in it. “C’mon let’s get you a bath” he said as he picked you up and carried you into the bathroom. He started the bath water as he treated the slashes. “I love you. bǎobèi. “ Bi-Han whispered into your ear as his fingers sealed the wounds. “I love you, Bi-Han” you responded as you looked into the mirror and watched him. He ducked his head and kissed your neck.

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