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clanwarrior-tumbly · 3 months

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Hi I want a platonic Catnap x fem!reader here. Simply put, it's up to the hour of joy, and the like, reader is Catnap's caretaker, she takes care of him, and makes sure that everything is normal with him, the reader is antisocial, cold, and a very big workaholic who can go without sleep for a very long time, for this reason she was made Catnap's caretaker, she is only friends with Catnap, Dogday, and his caretaker (she). So, the bosses decided to hold an event where smiling critters and their caretakers would spend time together, let's say, strengthening the team, so, as we already know, reader is antisocial, just like Catnap, so they, like true introverts, avoid such things at all costs, but this is useless, since they are found by Dogday and his caretaker, they are both brought (dragged) to the event site, so our antisocial and introverted couple is there, they are all there undergoing tests, trust tests, team problem solving, and all sorts of other things nonsense (and also, reader and Catnap work well as a team), then everyone comes to what nicknames caretakers and smiling critters call each other, the turn comes to reader and Catnap, reader answers first, she is very embarrassed, because up to this point she never called Catnap by this nickname, only in her mind, finally, she reluctantly and embarrassedly says that she calls him ... "Lave" (short for lavender), she calls him that because she likes lavender and its smell is calming, and puts her to sleep, we skip the minute where reader was teased about this (more precisely, caretaker of Dogday, what a good friend), now it’s Catnap’s turn, although reader doesn’t show it, but she has a reserved interest, because she is also interested in what the nickname is Catnap came up with a name for her, to be honest, she expected Catnap not to respond, or that he didn't come up with a nickname for her, but ... no one expected what he said

***Messiah***

... And that's it, nothing more, everyone fell silent after such a bomb from Catnap, the atmosphere in the room suddenly changed to ... creepy, quickly ending the event, everyone went either to work or home, reader does not ask Catnap why he gave her this is a nickname, because she knows that he will not answer, or he answers, but gives a very strange and vague answer, that reader does not understand this, reader experiences many different feelings about this, from bewilderment to flattery, because she did not know, that Catnap sees her like this, so it's nice, although still terribly strange ... The reason why Catnap calls out to reader is something you can come up with yourself

Bonus, I had to come up with an alternative, and now Catnap is calling reader little owl, and sorry that it turned out so long, thanks in advance for writing 💜

"I know you're bored, but we're almost done with these tests. And then we can go back to our peace and quiet."

"..hmm.."

"Yeah..I get it, too." Looking up at the lanky purple feline, you just huffed. Your behind was growing numb from sitting in the cheap plastic chair for hours, but you unfortunately had to stay here.

Your fellow caretakers--plus the Bigger Body Smiling Critters--were all gathered in a circle, chatting away with their assigned "buddy".

Today, the higher-ups of Playcare decided to create this little "friendship event" for all of you to participate in. It was just to evaluate how well you were connecting with the Critters via a series of "tests", with Bubba and his caretaker being the ones to lead you into each activity.

Teamwork was the primary theme......and involved a bunch of crap that felt like a waste of your time.

You've been Catnap's handler since say one, and you two always saw eye-to-eye, constantly working together and ensuring he was in the best possible condition while caring for the children. Neither of you believed you had to be evaluated to prove that.

That being said..you're 99% certain this little "event" was created specifically to torment you.

Neither of you were the most sociable, and you didn't see anything wrong with that. Although in recent months you've gotten some notations for your "recent behavior"--such as not smiling at a child who somehow got into your office during your lunch and Catnap making them cry when he tried escorting them out.

They couldn't exactly write-up toys, so anything "bad" he did ended up being put on your record.

It was stupid.

Working at Playtime Co. wasn't the same as working at Disney, so you weren't going to keep a smile glued to your face and act happy-go-lucky 24/7.

Too bad Catnap didn't have to worry about that.

The only reason you agreed to partake in the event was not only the threat of a pay cut...but mainly because you were friends with Dogday's handler, and you liked him, too, so you did it for them.

What neither you nor Catnap liked, however, was being put in between Kickin and Hoppy--who would yap to each other nonstop, tempting him more and more to use some red smoke.

Or when Crafty accidentally spilled pain on Catnap's canvas during the mini-art contest between the Critters.

Or when Picky became frightened after he said pork was his favorite food (and the first thing he's said since the event began), staring directly at her. You got marked down a point simply for "encouraging" him to use dark humor in a "lighthearted" activity.

Well..damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Whether you get Catnap to speak or not..it gets you in trouble.

"Alright, friends! Our last activity is called the "Nickname Game"." Bubba looked at the clipboard in his hands, before passing it to his handler. "This one's real simple so nobody can win or lose. All you have to do is go around and share what you'd call each other instead of your usual names! For instance, my caretaker's nickname is "Einstein"...and he calls me..."

"Smarty-Pants." The doctor beside him answered dryly.

"Smarty-Pants! See? It's real easy!" He grinned, before his eyes went to you and Catnap. "Alright you two. You're up first!"

'God why--' Your face burned a little as the others stared at you, patiently waiting.

Honest to god..you've never called Catnap anything else aside from his own name. But you didn't wanna get another point marked down for saying nothing..

"I uh..."

""I uhhh"? That doesn't sound like a good nickname!" Kickin laughed, only to be shushed by his caretaker, pouting. "Whaaaat? I'm only kiddin'-"

"Does it count if I never said the nickname out loud?"

"I...suppose it can count." Bubba spoke up, now intrigued as he leaned in closer (as did his fellow Critters). "Go on."

As embarrassed as you felt right now, you eventually found the courage to speak up.

"In my mind, I sometimes call Catnap "Lave"." You looked to the feline, seeing his ears perk up in interest, his gaze landing on yours. "The reason is probably a no-brainer but..it's short for lavender, and I've always loved that scent. It's calm and helps me sleep when I'm off work. Even when I get stressed out here with paperwork and br...restless children, Catnap helps me stay calm. So...I'll make it my mission to call him that more often."

There was a pause..

Before a small chorus of "awhs" rang from the other Critters...and you felt like shrinking back into your seat and disappearing, wishing you kept your mouth shut.

Yet at the same time..it felt nice to actually participate and share something wholesome with your coworkers.

Catnap didn't respond to your words, although you could tell he looked quite flattered by the nickname you've wanted to give him. The corners of his mouth seemed to stretch a little, and it didn't go unnoticed by Dogday.

"Awh shucks, that's a really nice nickname, [y/n]." He chuckled.

"Yeah..and I think that's the most I've ever seen 'em smile." His handler remarked--to which you coughed into your fist on instinct to hide it, your face burning.

"That is." Bubba spoke up, before sending Catnap a pointed look. "It's your turn now. Do you have a nickname for [y/n], Catnap?"

"............"

As expected, he didn't speak, bearing such a distant look to his eyes...and though he was off in another world.

While it didn't seem like it, you were actually eager to discover whether he had a nickname for you. Maybe he, too, thought of one and never verbally shared it with his fellow toys.

Yet the longer he stayed quiet, the more you could see the other Critters fidget and talk amongst themselves. Your coworkers were looking a bit annoyed, too, with Bubba's handler getting ready to give you another point off just for this.

Right as their pen hit their paper, however-

"Messiah."

The room became dead silent.

Suddenly every noise ceased to exist, from Hoppy's thumping foot or Kickin's laughter.

It became a heavy and uncomfortable silence.

You, the Critters, and the other caretakers could only stare at Catnap in bewilderment and confusion. There were no lights in his eyes, which concerned you quite a lot..as that was a sign of great stress.

"That's....an interesting one, Catnap." Bubba finally spoke after what felt like an eternity. "Care to share why?"

".........."

"Bubba..what does "messiah" mean?" Bobby raised her hand, looking completely clueless. "I-I don't think he's willing to elaborate."

"It's a...um...." The elephant sounded rather unsure of himself, which stunned his fellow toys considering he was the "know-it-all" of the group. "..sorry, that's...actually a new word to me-"

"And one you shouldn't be concerned about." His handler interrupted, which was very much unlike them. From the tone of their voice, and from the way they looked at you..they were very much irate and definitely had questions for you once this was over.

You wish you had some reasoning for why Catnap would call you that of all things, but...you simply didn't.

He shouldn't even know a word like that exists.

Before you could say anything to defend him or yourself, they decided to shift their focus back on the rest of the group, sighing heavily.

"Let's finish this activity so we can be done. Dogday, you're up."

............

"....another stupid write up."

"Hm..?"

"I'm in trouble because you nicknamed me "Messiah"." Putting the slip down on your desk, you shook your head and paced around the place, eventually looking to Catnap. He was lazily playing with a yarnball atop a tunnel. "They're accusing me of "feeding inappropriate ideals" to you and think I'm forcing my religion on you...which is completely false!"

"........."

"I don't know where you learned that word, Lave, but it wasn't from me. I know that for sure." You sat down, rubbing your hands over your face and wondering how you're gonna fight these blatant accusations.

Of course, when you began working with the Smiling Critters, there were a few rules put into place to ensure they stayed true to their innocent and childlike cartoon personalities--among them being to never mention anything regarding religion, wars, crimes, or death whatsoever.

Nothing that could make them question their own existence and morals, nor the world beyond the factory.

You kept all of those things outside of your work, so you couldn't even begin to think how Catnap could possibly know what a "messiah" was.

Did he know the implications that held?

Or did he hear it in passing and take a liking to it without knowing its actual definition?

Regardless, you were impressed he was able to come up with a nickname for you at all during the event today. So you were planning to just let it go, knowing you couldn't make him tell you why he called you that.

You two may be close, but he's still ever-reserved..so you doubt he'd even answer you even if you asked-

"The Prototype will save us..but until then, He sends you to guide me. Watch over me in my mission."

You blinked, putting your hands down and turning around in to face the large feline, who now lost interest in the ball and stared at you directly. His claws dug into the polyester fabric of the play tunnel, the lights in his eyes gone once again.

'There he goes, talking about this "prototype" thing again..' You thought.

It was noted that he would frequently mention this unknown entity during past interviews with the scientists, and you were to discourage him from doing so, although you decided to keep quiet and let him speak.

Here he was, actually talking without being prompted to do so..and they wanted you to shut him up?

No way.

"He is God..but what is God without His prophet? His messiah?" He purred, tail hanging off the tunnel as he tilted his head, outstretching a hand to you. "You are the one. The only one.."

"I'm the only one who...?" You cautiously asked, waiting for him to elaborate. "I feel like there's more to that statement."

Yet all you received was silence.

"Lave?"

".....you remind me of owls, too..night owls. So...I may call you "Little Owl" around the others.."

You blinked, his change of tune being most surprising.

"Ah..sure. I do like that nickname, too, thank you." You nodded, watching him go back to playing with the yarnball like nothing happened.

Like he didn't just say something overly religious and cryptic.

"For the record...maybe they would've felt better hearing "Little Owl" at the event today."

He responded with a humming noise, and you knew that meant "I'm done talking today". So you went back to finishing up your paperwork, knowing you'll have to send him to Home Sweet Home soon as it was getting late.

Although you didn't outwardly show it, you weren't sure whether to be concerned or flattered by him equating you to a savior and speaking about you and the Prototype in the same sentence.

No matter how or where he learned that word, it's clear that he thought of you when he first discovered the meaning of it...so he held it dear to him.

You'll let this slide and allow him to call you that in private.

Only because it made him happy.

#clanask #anonymous #poppy playtime x reader #ppt x reader #catnap #smiling critters #catnap x reader #female reader #platonic

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shantechni · 1 year

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⚠️[Spoilers for Buddy Daddies EP10 and 11]⚠️

I Wasn't Sad When She Died, I Was Mad

Let me say right away that I do like Kyutaro as a character, he's the in-between of the organization's dark world and the main trio's world of light, the middle man who reminds the audience and characters that he's not a good guy, yet has shown that he's reliable and capable of keeping a secret.

Now then, in spite of all of that, I sort of loathe the guy.

I don't think I'll ever be sure if this is a major L on the writers' part due to time constraints and whatnot, or if they legitimately thought having someone with a moral compass as nomadic and contradictory as the air around you was a good idea.

I guess I should start by mentioning the elephant in the room (something I'd already mentioned in a random reblog last week): he thinks Kazuki and Rei don't have the right to raise Miri after having killed her father. That makes sense out of context, but in the actual context of the show, killing her dad literally has no impact on Miri nor the world around them. Kyutaro keeps nonverbally dubbing himself as the judge for whether or not they'd be willing to bear the sin of killing her dad like they haven't killed dozens of others before (if anything, as Kazuki stated, they have to bear that sin by raising Miri, it's only logical to take responsibility for your actions). Miri's dad doesn't even have a name worth recalling honestly. He's only known for being a human trafficker who cheats on his wife, and bore an illegitimate child with one of his mistresses (of whom he didn't show any recognition for, likely due to him never knowing she existed).

Kazuki and Rei will bear the weight of that sin as well as they've been carrying the weight of their other sins, and Miri will easily go about her life either knowing or not knowing her biological father because it is of no concern to her at this age. Likely wouldn't be of concern to her if she were older either because she doesn't seem like the type of person to dwell on the unknowns that don't need to be known. Children often value those who actually cared for them over someone they've hardly breathed in the same room as, so why would she ever assign any significant amount of emotion towards her real dad when these two grown men are doing so much for her already?

"How do you think she'd feel if she knew?" IDK MAYBE NOTHING

Now then, for the hippo in the room: we saw that he's the one who called Misaki to take Miri back into her custody once Ogino and the organization relentlessly told him to do something about Kazuki and Rei's new life with Miri. And it would make sense to do that, y'know? As I said before in hope, Misaki wouldn't have been on the organization's radar, and as another fan stated, their interest would've likely waned once Miri disappeared and the guys went back to work full-time, right??

Nope, EP11 literally opens up with Shigeki outright telling Rei that Miri and Misaki will be dealt with because he still appears to be attached. Chaos ensues, Misaki unfortunately gets shot and killed, and Kyutaro and Kazuki have to somberly drive Miri back to his safe house without her knowing what transpired.

Now, it's already bad enough that Misaki was clearly willing to put in the effort to change for Miri's sake and happiness, only to sadly meet a tragic end no sooner than when she made the decision.

But, Kyutaro's handling of this whole situation is the only reason Misaki is dead to begin with.

He constantly reminded Kazuki and Rei about what the organization is capable of when you step out of line, but actively put Misaki in danger by connecting her with Miri and the guys when he told her to take Miri. He was so adamant about choosing the best option for Miri's happiness, but he somehow thought separting her from Kazuki and Rei would be in her best interest. He hardly even mentioned her safety now that I think back, he just grilled the guys over keeping her for so long and said she's better off with her mom than the two men who killed her dad. He didn't keep in mind that Miri actually loves them, or that the guys actually love her, that or he stubbornly ignored it. He had the audacity to say, "She meant more to you than I thought," as though he didn't see them literally zoom across the city for her multiple times when she was left at the cafe.

If he really wanted to keep everyone's best interest in mind, he would've taken Miri to the BIG WOODEN SAFE HOUSE HE CONVENIENTLY HAD AT THE END OF EP11, NOT SEND HER OFF TO A PLACE WHERE NO ONE CAN PROTECT HER AT A MOMENT'S NOTICE-

This all just make it seem like bringing Misaki back into the equation was pointless and the worst possible thing to do, and it makes me mad. Yeah sure a little sad, but I'm more so frustrated from the absurdity oozing out of this 'intelligent' man who seems like he'd know what to do when things need to be done. Like, there were better decisions, and this woman lost her life because you thought you were doing the right thing, even though you also thought it wasn't quite the right thing to do.

Unless this is all leading up to some kind of wild twizzler twist near the end, he's an irreconcilable man who does nothing but create the conflict rather than solve it.

#once again lost where i was going--it's late idk why i always do these long rants when it's late #anime #buddy daddies spoilers #buddy daddies #unasakai misaki #kugi kyutaro #unasaka miri #kurusu kazuki #suwa rei #suwa shigeki #analysis

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bashedheadrpadvice · 2 months

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How To RP Cold Characters (Without Being a Brick Wall)

Cold characters, you either love them or you hate them but, either way, they can bring a lot of intrigue to a narrative. They're so mysterious and, often times, we can't help but feel for them when their coldness comes from pains in their past or a lack of social awareness. Rather than talking about outright villains, we'll be focusing on the morally gray side of things.

I'll be using the characters of M/ordecai from L/ackadaisy and P/ercy from V/ox M/achina as examples for how to write interesting and likable cold characters in roleplay without necessarily having to make them agreeable or warm.

I Just Want To Talk

By far, the biggest mistake I see people make is, "well, my character is closed off, therefore, I am going to make them vaguely drag their feet in every interaction I put them in".

Roleplay is about creative cooperation, and, no matter what kind of character you're playing, no one wants to feel like they're playing with an uncooperative toddler. Interaction is also what drives roleplay and, without it, a roleplay simply doesn't function. If your character refuses to hold a conversation with mine, we have a problem!

Outright rejection without explanation kills interactions faster than saying nothing does. This is why the "yes, and?" principle is so important within roleplay. This doesn't mean having your character agree with everything, but, rather, working with what you are given and ensuring your character gives a proper reaction that the other can react to in turn.

Writing wise, it's also just boring, giving your partner no reason to interact with your character and shows none of your character's personality. Time to pull those examples in. Imagine if, during the pilot, M/ordecai just said "no" to N/ico's offer to let him drive rather than lecturing the S/avoys on their car chase antics. Imagine if, in V/ox M/achina, when the bar fight happened, P/ercy sat back and did nothing because he was "too good for that", or even left rather than getting involved with his snide comments. If these were roleplay scenarios, the S/avoys' players would be given nothing to continue the scene, and P/ercy's player would be non existent and just left to twiddle their thumbs because they're refusing to actively participate in the RP.

Here are some reasons for rejection you can play with that can actually start up a conversation and go beyond "they're just stubborn and don't go along with anything, teehee":

It touches on a secret fear of theirs (how do they react to fear? Do they become snippy or put on an uncaring persona?)

It makes them feel insecure (how will they try to ease this insecurity?)

It takes away their sense of control (how will they try to regain control?)

It causes them to fear failing (how will they put themselves in a situation where they feel they can win?)

Know The Line (And Keep It)

There's nothing I hate more than a gray character who is constantly breaking or reinventing their own rules, especially when it feels like a roleplayer is just looking for an excuse to make their character mean. Roleplay is not a battlefield or about beating up the other character more, it is about being accurate to your character. Don't play a cold character just because you want a stone wall to have a "leg up" on others.

There is a difference between "hard to read" and "feels like they're constantly changing behind the scenes". Know where your character stands and stick with it. Ask yourself about their morals and why they have them, things they absolutely won't do, and what makes them as prickly as they are. When it comes to breaking these rules, it's best to understand beforehand scenarios that will make your character do this rather than deciding willy-nilly.

A character that is previously said to never bully an underdog suddenly bullying someone's underdog character feels like their player is just trying to be meanspirited.

However, this consistency is not only about things like "who would they kill, if anyone?" but also why cold characters may be judgmental in certain scenarios and understanding in others. A snob for the sake of being a snob is boring. A snob who has a reason for being a snob and certain things that make them go into snob mode is intriguing.

For instance, P/ercy was disgusted by his friends' terrible table manners because of his upbringing, and M/ordecai, similarly, values professionalism because of his mentor. P/ercy being betrayed in the past has caused him to distrust others, while M/ordecai has become accustomed to the individuals in his profession and expects people to have his worst interests at heart.

This can help you communicate scenarios with your partner that help get the ball rolling between your characters. Maybe their character falls under one your character would reluctantly help, but still help nonetheless, or their character can inspire yours to step into a situation they feel is not right (even if it's just your character teaching them how to use the correct fork lol).

All Things Crack With Time

The fun of a cold character is eventually being able to crack them in some way. Your character remaining distant or uncaring forever shows you're not actively letting interactions effect your character in any meaningful way. Your partner isn't going to continue trying to crack that egg if they've been shown their efforts are pointless, or even if they feel like you constantly back track concerning this progress.

This can come in the form of your character being vulnerable, kinder, or becoming endeared to the other person's character, as some examples. Your character doesn't have to turn into a cuddly bear or immediately spill their guts, but don't be afraid to show your character's inner self when times call for it. Maybe the other character mentions something that garners your character's sympathy, or helps them feel secure enough to open up about what's been bothering them lately.

Similar to understanding where your gray character draws the line, understand what scenarios, situations, etc. inspire your character to open up or help them feel safe enough to be vulnerable.

#charadvice👤

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celestialpotat0 · 1 year

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nights

one of my close friends got engaged, she invited me to her engagement party. because the proposal was a surprise and was after my work time off request deadline had already passed, i told her i'd have to wait until the schedule was released and i'd most likely be able to switch with someone to attend her engagement party.

the schedule came out and her engagement party was smack dab in the middle of 7 nights of graveyard shift that i got scheduled. which i didn't expect and was completely unaware in advance that i'd be scheduled nights. unfortunately i couldn't switch with anybody so sadly had to tell her that i would have to miss her engagement party. if the week of nights were any other week i wouldve been able to attend. or if i had any other shift than nights this weekend.

i saw her in march and she told me that plans had changed and it actually was going to be her wedding. i was really sad that i couldnt make it because i've been friends with her for 10 years and it breaks my heart that i couldn't be there with her on a once-in-a-lifetime momentous occasion for her wedding on april 9 in socal.

to make matters worse, my aunt's funeral was also this same weekend on april 8 in socal. and i couldn't attend either because of being scheduled nights.

as much as it sucks sometimes that i have to miss events like close friends' weddings and family members' funerals, i remind myself that patients in need require us hospital workers to make sacrifices. i went to a code yesterday and a v long code today and as i worked at bedside and interacted with the other team members to stabilize the patients and prevent respiratory/cardiac arrests, i very much felt that we were all there together to try to do some good. i knew that nobody who was there working in the middle of the night particularly wanted to work overnight instead of during the day, but we were all there for the patients. every time i messaged or got phone calls from providers i was thinking about how they are also up all night just trying to keep their patients alive. i just hope for the best for all of my colleagues and hope they keep their spirits up and don't get burnt out. it is kind of a beautiful thing to see us all working together as a team to keep the patient alive, people jumping in to help each other out, nurses who help me by going to get some IVF or drugs from omnicell for me, pass supplies to me, write labels on meds I draw up, clear trash from my workstation, etc.

the weather has finally gotten less rainy and i am thrilled spring has sprung! i went on a cruise last month because my sis and i paid for our parents to cruise (it is nice to be able to treat my parents now after how indebted i am to them and how much i've just taken taken taken from them my whole pitiful life.) it was freezing cold and rainy on the deck and we were stuck at sea for three days lol due to really windy conditions. the ship was rocking so significantly. but i absolutely loved the performers on the ship. i loved watching the talented singers, dancers, and musicians. i just sat by myself on numerous occasions soaking in the music, taking it slow, living in the moment. the cruise was from monday to friday and i had only 1 alcoholic drink for the entire cruise because i wanted to have a sober vacation. i was working out and staying active, eating in moderation, and didn't drink, and it felt great to treat my body well. also loved meeting people from so many different countries.

i dont mean to complain about my schedule. at the end of the day, i am grateful that i enjoy my work. sure, i constantly have to tell my friends that i cant join whatever normal things they want to do on weekends or evenings, but i think that makes me appreciate my time off even more. so that when i DO get a vacation or a weekend off, i feel happier. and the work shifts go by in the blink of an eye and i am never bored. i get to do what i love.

only two more night shifts before im off for a week and traveling to explore nature. yippee!

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nothorses · 3 years

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This is an old article, but it's relevant, and I want to revisit it. I really recommend folks read the entire article; I'm just going to pull some excerpts, but there's no way they can do justice to the reading in full.

"Very few people want to defend a target of disposability."

I was told by one person that she couldn’t risk losing her job, another that she didn’t want to become a target too. I was threatened into not defending myself, gaslit into silence, told that people knew “things” about me that were never explained. When I asked how I could do accountability, when I said I would do whatever they wanted, they said that I was “incapable” of accountability, that my crime was unknown and my sentence was permanent.

"Accountability" is to callout culture what "justice" is to the punitive justice system: an empty word to wrap around your actions in order to justify them. Anything is okay as long as it's in pursuit of accountability.

Callout culture does not actually want accountability, though, and all attempts at real, honest accountability will be avoided, ignored, or outright rejected. If accountability is achieved and you are left intact, callout culture has failed.

My attackers were expert pathological liars who had been getting away with it for years—entire fictional realities playing out on their social-media accounts like soap opera. Escaping from abuse is the most certain way to become painted as an abuser, and being an abuser is the most sure way to be believed. You know how movies are realer than reality? How the sound effects and physics become so normalized to us that reality seems flat and fake? Talking about abuse is kind of like that. Abusers know what sounds “real.” They are like expert movie-effects artists. Victims are stuck with boring fake reality.

Feminist/queer spaces are more willing to criticize people than abusive systems because they want to reserve the right to use those systems for their own purposes. At least attacking people can be politically viable, especially in a token system where you benefit directly by their absence, or where your status as a good feminist is dependent on constantly rooting out evil.

Think of these things the way you think of any other system ostensibly designed to change people's behavior for the better: what methods have been proven to work? What methods haven't? Why do those systems exist anyway?

Systems that reduce crime rates are designed around rehabilitation. They seek to remove people from toxic environments, heal them, equip them with better tools and resources, and send them back into the world ready to do better.

Systems that actively increase crime rates are designed around punishment. They remove people from society, hurt them, teach them they're trash, force them into either worse and more toxic communities and ideologies or into altogether isolation, and if they ever re-emerge, they are so irreparably blacklisted that there is no hope of them ever rejoining the society they were originally torn from.

So when people write all those apologist articles about call-out culture and other instruments of violence in feminism, I don’t think they understand that the people who most deserve those things can usually shrug off the effects, and the normalization of that violence inevitably trickles down and affects the weak. It is predictable as water. Criminal justice applies punishment under the conceit of blind justice, but we see the results: Prisons are flooded with the most vulnerable, and the rich can buy their way out of any problem. In activist communities, these processes follow a similar pragmatism. Punishment is not something that happens to bad people. It happens to those who cannot stop it from happening. It is laundered pain, not a balancing of scales.

Consider who callout culture most often targets. Consider how often people like them are defended not only by others like them, but by the larger feminist and queer community.

Not only that, but account for the position that individual is in, and the tools they have available to them. Do they have stable housing, work, and income? Do they have the ability to sink valuable time and energy into defending themselves? Can they risk trying and failing, or is their livelihood attached to any attempt to do so?

One of the most common tools of exclusion is through mobbing, which is rarely talked about because unlike rape, murder, etc, it’s not easy to pin it on a single person (or scapegoat). Mobbing is emotional abuse practiced by a group of people, usually peers, over a period of time, through methods such as gaslighting, rumor-mongering, and ostracism. [...] Here is why it is horrible: 1) It has an unusually strong power to damage the victim’s relationship to society, because it can’t be written off as an outlier, as some singular monster. It reveals a fundamental truth about people that makes it difficult to trust ever again. People become like aliens, like a pack of animals that can turn on you as soon as some mysterious pheromone shift marks you for death. 2) The insidious nature of emotional abuse: How do you fight ostracism and rumors? They leave no bruises, they just starve you. 3) Mobbing typically occurs in places where the victim is trapped by some need or obligation: work, school, circles of friends. This can prolong exposure to damaging extremes.

Consider what tactics are being used to punish this person, and what is being demanded. If the people appointing themselves judge, jury, and executioner turn out to be wrong, is there any hope of recourse?

From a report by the Australian House of Representatives Education and Employment Committee: “90 percent of people being bullied make the comment: ‘I just want it to stop.’ They don’t want to go down a formal path, but just want the behaviour to stop.”

"RESISTING DISPOSABILITY"

— Let marginalized people be flawed. Let them fuck up like the Real Humans who get to fuck up all the time — Fight criminal-justice thinking. Disposability runs on the innocence/guilt binary, another category that applies dynamically to certain bodies and not others. The mob trials used to run trans people out of communities are inherently abusive, favor predators, and must be rejected as a process unequivocally. There is no kind of justice that resembles hundreds of people ganging up on one person, or tangible lifelong damage being inflicted on someone for failing the rituals of purification that have no connection to real life. — Pay attention when people disappear. Like drowning, it’s frequently silent. They might be blackmailed, threatened, and/or in shock. — Even if the victim doesn’t want to fight (which is deeply understandable—often moving on is the only response), private support is huge. This is the time to make sure the wound doesn’t become infected, that the PTSD they acquire is as minimized as possible. This is the difference between a broken leg healing to the point where they can run again, or walking with a limp for the rest of their life. They’ve just been victim-blamed by a huge number of people, and as a social organism, their body is telling them to die. They need social reintegration, messages of support, and space to heal. — Be extremely critical about what people say about trans people, especially things said in vagueness. The rumor mill that keeps trans people out of spaces isn’t even so much about people believing what is said, it’s about people choosing the safest option—a staining that plays on the average person’s risk aversion. — Ask yourself if the same thing would be happening if they were white/cis/able-bodied. — “Radical inclusivity recognizes harm done in the name of God.” —Yvette Flunder Marginalized spaces can’t form healthy community purely from rejection of the mainstream. There has to be an acknowledgment of how people have been hurt by feminist spaces and their models. — A common enemy isn’t the same as loving each other. — Don’t be part of spaces that place an ideal or “community leader” above people.

#callout culture #discourse #cancel culture #purity culture #nothorses #long post

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ninyard · 3 years

Note

more stefan/andrew au? the last one was fucking amazing

(following on from pt 2 kinda following canon a lil bit but imagining their relationship panning out earlier than it did in the series? Fab)

Part 1 / part 2

“Andrew?” Neil was woken up by Seth’s pissed-off, tired moan. “Get the fuck out of here, you fuckin’ freak.” Neil heard the rustling of covers and Andrew’s footsteps coming into the room. “Yo, hey, are you deaf?!” It’d been a couple days since the incident in Columbia, and Andrew and Neil hadn’t really spoken since then. Coach had tried to get them to make up when Neil came back to his apartment, but his attempts futile. They’d only had a short conversation before Andrew got bored and left. All Neil got from Andrew’s lot since then was hostility and cold shoulders. Now, in the middle of the night, Andrew was breaking into the room of the three people he actively seemed to hate the most. Neil pretended to sleep, until he felt weight on the rungs of the ladder on his bed, and hands on the back of his T-shirt. Andrew practically pulled him off the bed, immediately waking him up from any bit of sleep he had left in him.

“Car. Ten minutes.” Andrew didn’t lower his voice for Neil’s half-asleep roommates. “I don’t like waiting.”

“I don’t care.” Neil retorted back in a hushed voice. “Leave me alone and let me sleep.” Andrew got real close to Neil’s face. The dim light of the moon outside the window showed Andrew unsmiling face. He was presumably sober, and Andrew sober was a much scarier sight than him being medicated and violent.

“Ten minutes.” He repeated again, matching Neil’s volume, hazel eyes burning a hole through Neil’s natural blue. Andrew put a finger to his lips and switched to German. “This is the only chance you’ll get.”

Neil had almost forgotten he’d spoken to Andrew in German in Coach’s apartment. He was startled at the sudden language change, and obliged when Andrew finally left the room. He got dressed underneath his covers as best he could, and decided against putting in his contacts, before jumping down off the top bunk.

“Bring that monster around here one more time and you’re moving out.” Seth groaned, but fully meant what he said. He turned around to face the wall and through the muffle of a pillow, Neil heard him say, “Now fuck off.” Matt, sleeping like a rock, was snoring on the other side of the room, totally unphased and undisturbed by Andrew’s swift entrance and exit.

Andrew was alone at his car when Neil pulled the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands in a desperate attempt to stay warm, the door of the dorm building shutting behind him. It was freezing outside, and Neil hadn’t realised it was literally the middle of the night until he saw a clock in the hallway reading an early 3:54am. The wind blew leaves across the parking lot with a whistle and a rustle, the dry fall leaves swirling around like tiny twisters on the tarmac. The campus was silent, on the night of a weekday, so Neil didn’t expect anyone to be out. Yet here Andrew was, leaning on the bonnet of his car with a cigarette between his lips, smoke quickly disappearing in the biting wind.

“You never answered my question on our little night out.” He spoke through the smoke, as Neil approached closer. “We’re going for a drive.”

“Do you ever sleep?” Neil’s voice was groggy from his own interrupted sleep. Andrew didn’t answer, instead flicking away his cigarette and sitting into the drivers seat. Neil walked around to the passenger side and sat in. When he tried to warm his hands on the hot air Andrew had blowing through the air-con, Andrew turned the heat off. Neil was sure if Andrew was medicated he would’ve laughed, but he instead opted for watching the road as they drove in silence. Neil sat back and tried his best not to fall asleep. His head bumped about on the headrest as they drove, and every time his eyes started to close, his sleep cycle begging him to come back to rest, Andrew would snap his fingers in his face or lay a punch down on his thigh. After a short drive, they pulled up into the empty lot of some National Park Neil didn’t know the name of. He was too tired to pay attention to the signs, but figured Andrew wouldn’t bring him to a park to kill him or let him go. Andrew was a man of truth when he wanted to be; He wanted to know why he was on the run and Neil didn’t have the energy to argue.

“Why are we here?” Neil asked at the same time Andrew said “What brought a runaway to Oakland?”They both paused for a moment, but Neil knew Andrew wasn’t going to answer his question until Neil answered his.

“It was the first place she wanted to stop.” Neil spoke through a yawn. “The others before there made her too paranoid. It was the first time she felt like she could close her eyes and actually sleep without feeling like she was…” He thought about his words for a moment. The last conversation they’d had, he told him he was on the run, but Andrew already knew that. Neil thought he’d got through to him by giving him half-honesty, telling him his parents were dead. He never brought up Riko, or his family, instead choosing the option of trying to appeal to Andrew’s inner child, who remembered Stefan. It was a stupid choice, and Neil knew that the second he chose it. “She could sleep without feeling like she had a target on her back.”

“Did you kill her?” Andrew said it so casually it felt like murder was something so normal, like eating lunch or going for a walk. Like asking if he killed his mother was just like asking if he liked the taste of garlic, or if he was having a good day.

“No,” Neil answered. He’d been thinking about what he would tell Andrew about his life since he seen him in Arizona. Who was he before Oakland? Where did they go? Who was he running from? “Riko’s family did.”

And suddenly Andrew was interested. His face was a mixture of disbelief and boredom. Neil told him his manufactured version of the story; that his parents were killed by the Moriyama family, and that they’d been on the run since the execution of his Father. He kept out the part about the Butcher of Baltimore, or the fact that he was actually still alive, but Andrew’s mind was at work as Neil told the story. If he didn’t look awake before, he did now. Neil spoke for an hour, maybe less, maybe more, flowing from story to anecdote to answering questions that Andrew slipped in whenever he wanted. Neil answered it all with mostly-truths, redacting the stuff Andrew simply didn’t need to know. Neil was a runaway, his family were in some bad business, but Neil was the only one left.

“I really didn’t think you could get any more stupid, yet I am constantly surprised.” Andrew tutted as he shook a cigarette out of the packet, into his hand. He rolled down the window on his side and smoked out of it, seemingly unbothered by the wind that just blew the smoke back into his face. “You knew who I was, but you knew Kevin too? How forgetful do you think people are?”

“I don’t know,” Neil told him honestly. “I just- We were so young. I met Kevin years before I met you. I just didn’t think I was important to anyone.” Andrew laughed a laugh that wasn’t really a laugh at all. It was the sound of dismissal, as though he didn’t believe a word that spilled from Neil’s tired lips. “I didn’t think I’d ever be particularly memorable or mean anything to anyone. That was the most important thing to my mom.”

“What, being unimportant?” Andrew didn’t look at Neil as he spoke.

“Being forgettable.” Neil sighed, thinking about his mother’s words that had been drilled into his head. If you’re too interesting, you’re asking to be killed. Be boring. Be normal. Be forgettable. “You fucked that up for me.”

“See, you keep blaming me,” Andrew shook his head as he took a drag from the cigarette that had been half-smoked by the wind. “I didn’t fuck up your life, Abagnale, you did.” Neil didn’t get the reference, but he didn’t ask either.

“I don’t mean it’s your fault. You didn’t do anything,” Neil tried correcting himself. “I couldn’t help it when I was around you. And all I could do every second of my days after Oakland was blame you because I couldn’t deal with the fact that I let you in. Everything I learned, everything I’d done, you came along and turned the place upside down because I just had to know you. I had to.”

“Why?” Andrew looked at him with that same uninterested look he usually had, when a medically-induced smile wasn’t spread across his cheeks. “What made me any different to the hundreds of other kids I’m sure you met on your travels, hmm?”

“You were real.” Andrew scoffed. Neil frowned at that and shrugged his shoulders. “We’ve been through this. Don’t waste my time getting to know me if you just want me to run. You want me to get lost in the park, is it? Is that why you brought me here?”

“Nothing better than some honesty with a view.” Andrew tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “How do you expect me to trust you when you’ve spent your whole life a liar? Be mad if you want, but I’m much less gullible now, you see. Once a liar, always a liar.” Neil sent Andrew a look as he hovered his hand over Andrew’s. When he just stared at it, Neil brought Andrew’s hand up to his collarbone where was a small, raised, pink scar sitting just above it.

“The motels phone.” Neil spoke quietly, as if Mary would hear, as if she was waiting to jump out from behind the car to take him and beat him again for letting his guard down, for being unforgettable. “It was the first thing she could grab when we got into our room. I never told her your name, and she beat me harder for it. I never wanted to let her anger ruin your name.” Andrew dropped his hand from Neil’s grip.

“Pretty unintelligent to take hits for someone you thought you’d never see again.”

Then Neil said, “I knew I’d never forget you.” Andrew tensed up at the almost-promise, and the memories came flooding back for Neil like a tsunami sweeping over every other thought he had. “I wouldn’t. I couldn’t.” Neil almost reached out to touch Andrew before he remembered the boundary Andrew had set that night in Columbia. Neil didn’t have a right to touch him anymore, and he knew Andrew noticed as Neil’s hand lifted and then hesitantly fell. “Tell me something I don’t know about this Andrew. I’ve told you my life, tell me yours.” He gestured to Andrew, sat across from him with an almost-frown on his face and a thinking mind hard at work.

“This Andrew doesn’t give a shit about what answers you think you deserve.” He looked Neil up and down. “I don’t owe you anything.”

“Why doesn’t Nicky know you’re gay?” Neil asked, instead of waiting for him to come up with something himself, it was much easier to get honesty from Andrew by prompting him. Neil watched as his jaw tensed for a second, thinking about the answer.

“Nicky is too involved in being the gay cousin to un-assume.” Andrew barely lifted his shoulders in the form of a shrug. “He hasn’t asked.”

“Why don’t you tell him?”

“I don’t ‘come out’,” He brushed off the thought with the flick of his wrist and a roll of his eyes. “I don’t fuck women in my spare time. Who cares?”

“Yeah, sure, but-” Neil had started to speak when Andrew cut across.

“At least I’m out to myself,” He nodded towards him. “You, on the other hand? Was it just Stefan who was into it or is the unnamed you just in denial?”

“I’m not, like…�� Neil hated the sexuality question. It was confusing and messy and Andrew and Andrew and Andrew. “There was no one after you. It’s only been you.”

“By choice or by mothers hands?”

“Neither. Both?” He wasn’t sure how to answer. “The foxes are the first people I’ve let get somewhat close since then. That’s the truth. I haven’t wanted to. I’m just not interested in anyone.” The except for you part was silent, but he knew Andrew had somewhat heard it when he sat back, one hand on the steering wheel, the other arm resting on the door, as he took a deep breath that he tried to hide. Neil wasn’t even sure he was still into Andrew like that, because they were so young, after all. Andrew was still experimenting, and they never spoke about those kinds of feelings. They were friends who kissed each other because they wanted to know what it felt like. They kissed each other because maybe they thought they liked it. Maybe they’d have to do it again just to be sure. But that was so long ago, and so much had changed. Neil had had a crush on that Andrew, but this one? He wasn’t so sure. This one was harsh and mean, angry and unmoving. This one had been hard-boiled by life and wasn’t going to crack any time soon. He didn’t know if he felt things anymore. He didn’t know if Andrew was capable of a crush, or a kiss, or a simple, electric touch of fingers to skin.

Without a word, Andrew had switched on the ignition and idled the engine for a moment before pulling out and starting on the drive back to campus. Neil didn’t say anything else, he only rested his head on the window and watched as the morning sun slowly lit up the night sky, the dark navy blue taking over the black sky so slowly it was hardly noticeable.

He had pulled into his usual parking spot not long later, still not looking at Neil or speaking at all. He stayed still in the drivers seat after switching the engine off. Neil took that as his cue to leave. Matching Andrew’s silent treatment, he got up and shut the door without a word. Andrew had rolled down his window again, another cigarette already stuck between his lips. He watched as Neil walked around the car before he tapped the outside of his door twice to catch his attention. Neil spoke before he could.

“Give me a chance.” The wind blew his hair off his face, reminding him how cold it was, and why he should’ve worn a jacket. “Let me stay. I don’t have anything else.”

“Don’t be fooled into thinking I trust you.” He hung his hand out the window finally looking Neil in the eyes again. “It’s a matter of time before your egg timer runs out. Make use of it while you can.”

“I’ll bury Stefan forever, if you ask.” Neil offered in payment for the sudden change of heart in letting him stay, in cleaning his hands of the idea that Neil was after Kevin, or that he was a threat. “Say the word and we start fresh from today.”

“I don’t care,” Andrew took a long drag, one that felt like it was centuries long, like the sun would be up by the time he finished. He blew it out and raised his hands. “Kill what wasn’t real. Prove to me what was.”

Neil wasn’t sure what that invitation meant, but he didn’t ask Andrew to keep speaking. When they broke eye contact, he knew then Andrew wanted him to leave. Neil didn’t look back, heart racing, practically ready to burst out of his chest by the time he reached his dorm room. He opened the door as quietly as he could, careful not to disturb his peacefully sleeping roommates, and he crawled back into bed to try get some sleep before the practice scheduled for the morning. Instead of counting sheep, battling restlessness like a fight for his life, he thought of Stefan. He thought of the heart of Nathaniel that had gotten wrapped up in his blond hair and tiny frame. Neil fell asleep thinking about who he used to be, and what parts of that were real. What parts could he keep? His mind spent its last morsels of energy on dissecting Neil Josten, to make him feel a little more real.

The next time they saw each other outside of practice was when Kevin started coming to find him late at night to go to the court and practice together. Neil realised quickly he was going to become a night owl as a Fox, but it still took him a while to adjust to the late nights and early starts. But him and Andrew kept their distance; they didn’t speak if they didn’t have to, and their conversations were kept to a line or two each. They played their first match of the season, and Andrew had sent out shots for Neil like they were capable of working together. Then there was Kathy Ferdinand’s show, at which Andrew had hands all over him, holding him back from killing Riko on live TV. He had made a deal to protect Kevin, and then he was being psychically held back from doing so. Neil did what he couldn’t, and stood up to Riko, a conscious effort to gain his trust, to prove he was on the side of the foxes. Then there was that touch, that simple, light, barely-there touch, and Neil knew he’d won. He’d earned Andrew’s trust, at least for a moment, but that was all that mattered.

When Andrew ever-so-kindly reminded Neil later that Riko would find out about him, the original “Neil”, as easily as he’d strolled onto that stage to sit across from Kevin, there was no choice but to run. He couldn’t imagine any other option. His entire body went into fight or flight, and he struggled to sit still as Andrew held his collar and told him to stay.

“Why?” Neil asked, throat dry, hands shaking, after Andrew offered him protection for the year if he promised to stay. It was funny to imagine, as if there was anything he could do against the actual, guns-blazing, internationally dominating mafia. “Why would you help me?” Andrew laughed, and just about caressed Neil’s jaw in the most non-affectionate way possible. Neil felt his touch leave blood on his skin, but he didn’t flinch. Andrew was manic, and didn’t care. He looked as if he didn’t even feel the pain of a glass-shattering punch, and was actively enjoying the chaos that the morning had brought with it.

Andrew didn’t give him any sort of an answer until later that night, when he stepped into Neil’s space and told him to remember the feeling; Neil couldn’t run anymore. He had given his word to Andrew that he would stay, and as much as he had started to hate the Present-Day-Andrew-Minyard, he trusted him as a man of his word. Neil had killed the parts of Stefan that were untrue; all that was left was the real emotion he felt when he looked at Andrew. He was an asshole, but he was Andrew, and Neil trusted this five foot blond boy with his life. Perhaps it was crazy, perhaps he was officially, undeniable, finally signing his name on his death wish, ticking down the hours until his past caught up. Whereas running was his old line of defence, his current one was Andrew. Andrew was an unlit fire suddenly gaining embers, and Neil knew it was dangerous to let that fire grow. Especially when Andrew leaned over in Eden’s, crackers on his tongue, a drink in his hands, and whispered in German;

“Mommy’s not here to hurt you anymore.” Neil snapped his gaze towards Andrew, who was coming up on his high, speaking to Neil but watching the crowd on the dancefloor. His breath at Neil’s ear sent shivers up his spine, goosebumps on his arms. “My hands are open to have your back. Give it to me this time.”

#idk if this is bad #I can’t be subjective about my own content anymore #straight up I’ll delete it if someone tells me it’s bad lmao #andreil #Andrew minyard #Neil josten #andreil au #tfc #aftg #the foxhole court #all for the game #aftg fic #tfc fic #as per usual send an ask if u want more/have a specific Andrewstefan prompt

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linkspooky · 4 years

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Gojo and Mahito

Nanami and Gojo share several parallels as pointed out by Nanami in Chapter 22 of Jujutsu Kaisen. A connection between the two of them that’s developed to the point where we see Mahito steal a technique from Gojo (domain expansion activation for only a few microseconds) in the latest chapter. More on the parallels of Gojo and Mahito, because for both of them there’s more than meets the eye.

1. Children with Too Much Power

Mahito parallels Gojo, but more specifically I believe he has the most in common with teenage Gojo we see in Hidden inventory. Especially on two key points. Both of them had immense strength that they hadn’t quite figured out yet.

Teenage Gojo, who was still figuring out the infinity and could not yet quite make the universe bend at the snap of his finger tips. In his introductory arc when Mahito was fighting Nanami, he was like a child figuring out how to use his body for the first time.

Everything he does in that arc is out of a childish sense of curiosity. He gets to close to Junpei, to observe what will happen from prolonged interaction with a human. He toys around a long time with fighting Nanami because he’s still figuring out how his curse technique works.

Unlike the other curses who seem to already exist knowing what they are, or have existed for years already long enough to figure themselves out, Mahito is actively learning about himself when he fights Nanami.

Just like Gojo, being pushed to the brink of death by an incredibly powerful enemy, only seems to make Mahito bounce back stronger. Mahito and Gojo parallel each other in their comparison to Nanami. Simply put, Nanami is the most mature character in the series, he’s the role model for a normal, decent adult.

While Gojo will drag children to battlefields, or take big bets with their lives, Nanami acts much more responsibility, with respect to the fact that Yuji is a child whose emotional well being he’s nurturing.

Nanami is introduced to us as the opposite of Gojo, someone mature while Gojo is immature. He even says that he doesn’t respect him in the least bit. Gojo’s powerful, but he’s not grown up. Nanami even explains this quite logically, people don’t grow up by fighting bad guys, or getting stronger. People grow up by accumulating experiences.

Gojo and Mahito are all powerful in ways that Nanami will never be, while at the same time they act like children. Especially teenage Gojo, but even adult Gojo doesn’t really like to get along well with other people, and decides everything based on his own emtoions and perspective. In other words both Gojo and Mahito have a tendency to be egocentric.

Egocentric.

thinking only of oneself, without regard for the feelings or desires of others; self-centered.

2. The World Through Their Eyes

Mahito and Gojo are characters who appear childish and frivolous on the surface, but if you plunge their depths they have a deeper understanding of themselves and their desires than most ofther characters in the series. They might not get other people, but that’s not their priority either. In classic Jungian symbolism, shallow water belies greater depths.

Gojo and Mahito are both extremely well thought characters, capable of immense amounts of self reflection. (Probably too much self reflection in Gojo’s case, he just loves looking at himself in the mirror a little too much how vain.) It not only shows in how much of themselves they have figured out but also their jujutsu. I think it’s safe to say that there is some resemblance between the infinity, and Mahito’s idle transifguration. Their Jujutsu makes them both privvy to the world that no one else can see. It’s unknown what Gojo can see with the six eyes exactly, but considering the limitless.

You can infer that he’s capable of seeing much greater sensory perception than the normal person. Mahito doesn’t have the six eyes, but because his jujutsu is about altering the form of the soul, he has the unique ability to see the shape of the soul inside of the body.

Mahito can see through people’s bodies, and see down to their souls. However, his perceptiveness has caused him to give up on the idea that people have any individuality at all, that they have “hearts” you know like, thoughts and feelings and stuff. Which is why all humans are pretty much interchangable to him. Mahito can’t see life separate as him from having any particular value.

Both of their cursed techniques create distance between themselves and others. Though in opposite ways. Gojo’s cursed technique is based around the idea that nothing can reach him, because it will always slow down in the infinite space between them. Mahito is able to completely change the shape of whatever he wants with one touch.

However, at the same time this resembles how they both interact with other people. Mahito sees people as nothing more than toys to play with and experiment in developing his jujutsu technique on. He even is literally pictured in an official color illustration as destroying Junpei, Nobara, and Nanami as torn up dolls. They were just toys that he got bored with and threw away.

Gojo can sometimes even share this tendency, not to mercilessly kill and slaughter of course not, but to be so far away from other people, and too busy perceiving the infinity that he can’t get caught up in ordinary lives. Remember, Mahito, Jogo and Hanami’s plan was to shake up Gojo with the sheer amount of people he would have to save in Shibuya, and it just... didn’t work.

Gojo just isn’t that shaken up by the people he can’t save. He’s not Geto. He’s not Yuji. Of course he cares enough to try and minimize the damage, he could have just used unlimited domain to end the situation at the cost of everybody gathered, but he made a decision to try to balance between everybody’s lives, protecting his own, and exorcising the curses.

Mahito and Gojo are both extremely distant from other people, but because of that they have a unique understanding of themlseves. Mahito’s domain expansion is called “Self Embodiment of Perfection.” When Gojo figures out reverse Jutsushiki he quotes the budha when he reached enlightenment.

They are extremely isolated characters who have others plumbed the depths of themselves. Gojo’s goal is to be the best version of himself he can be, to push himself into being the strongest. Their individual will is so strong they want to impose it on the world around them. Gojo wants to reset the jujutsu world, Mahito wants a world of curses.

They both encourage the other people around them to also think deeper about themselves, and how to evaluate themselves. Gojo tells Mahito to stop repressing himself for the sake of others. To try to be stronger individually instead of more of a team player. Instead of judging those around you, look inwardly.

Mahito is furious that Yuji doesn’t evaluate himself, doesn’t think deeply about his own motivations. That’s what he criticizes Yuji for constantly, he doesn’t think for himself, he runs blindly into fights. Mahito calls their fight a clash of truth. Yuji has to know his own self, and know his belifs and know why his beliefs are better than Mahito’s if he wants to face him.

Mahito and Gojo are both always looking inside of themselves, and that’s why their depths go much further than their seemingly shallow surface. If I were to make one last comparison between the two of them, I would say that the reason Mahito imitates Gojo is because his end goal is to become enlightened. What Mahito wants, is to be true to his nature, the truest embodiment of a curse in the series. He wants to reach an enlightenment like Gojo has where he has himself, his role in the world, completely and totally figured out. Where he embodies his own idealized sense of perfection.

Which is why he imitates Gojo, the strongest. Though his is the opposite path, like a reflection of a mirror. If Gojo uses his power to be the model, the embodiment of a jujutsu sorcerer who exorcises curses to save human lives, then Mahito chooses to be the embodiment of a curse that plagues humans.

Mahito and Gojo both see through things, they can see what everybody else can’t, however they differ in how they use those perceptions. Gojo tethers himself to responsibility to other people, because he finds meaning in doing that, he thinks there’s a point in protecting and nurturing the weak because eventually he’ll be able to find strong comrades. Mahito however, believes in the opposite of camraderie. He can see through other people, so he acts like they’re not even there. Gojo is a character who while his tendency is to try do everything on his own, is currently waiting rescue from the strong comrades he focused so hard into training. While Mahito will most likely end up alone.

#gojo satoru #satoru gojo #gojou satoru #satoru gojou #mahito #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen meta #jujutsu kaisen analysis #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu analysis #jujutsu meta

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salemorbit · 3 years

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Chaotic Hijinks - headcanons

[Link x genderneutral!Reader]

warnings: none!

Requested by: @manaminamoto01

thank you so much for the request, i hope you like it!!

~~~~~~

in which Link and reader find solace in each other's similar personalities, but Zelda.....not so much

~~~~~~

Chaotic Link is my favorite version of Link, I'm going to be totally honest

You met Link about halfway through his journey to free Zelda from her battle with Ganon

You first saw him on the side of the road, covered head to toe in twigs, leaves, and mud, scouting out a nearby Bokoblin camp

You watched from afar as he snuck through the brush and preyed upon the seared steak that hung over the fire

Link was quick and barbaric with his movements, brandishing a crude woden spear and attacking the Bokoblins by surprise, stabbing away at them as he tried to grab the meat

You insantly knew that he would be your best friend

The two of you were like peas in a pod, always figuring out some way to make the journey through Hyrule a little more fun by doing probably the stupidest shit imaginable

For instance, you once bet Link 15 rupees that he couldn't beat a Silver Lynel in under five minutes

With no hesitation, that man dragged you to the nearest Silver Lynel and bested it in three minutes flat

15 rupees isn't even a lot??? He was mainly doing it to spite you

Link never really had any regard for rules since basically the entirety of Hyrule was destroyed by Ganon. So, what even are rules anymore?

You often liked to catch whatever bug you could find and dare Link to eat it just to see what would happen, and this guy would just do it every time

Your favorite place was Death Mountain and hanging out with the Gorons since they also loved to do stupid shit

Pure adrenaline got both you and Link through the Gut-Check Challenge, and it was all just for fun like you guys didn't even want the shrine afterwards

Don't even get me started on the prime rock roasts i-

You two would also frequently activate Guardians just so they would chase you through Hyrule Field, shooting lasers every which way as you evaded them like it was a game

Everything for you and Link was just an adrenaline rush like pure dopamine

You and Link also have no idea how to cook, so a typical dinner would just consist of throwing random mushrooms and other ingredients you salvaged from your packs together to make....something slightly edible

Link also was a whiz when it came to the puzzles inside of the Divine Beasts, and you never had to wait long until he was done conquering one and you were moving to the next territory

Once you both freed Zelda from her battle with Ganon, you and Link didn't really change all too much

Zelda's assumption as to what Link would be like 100 years later was....a bit off

She remembered him as this gallant knight that rarely spoke a word and would risk his life for the better cause

Well...she got the risking his life part right

Zelda often felt like she was babysitting you two as you traipsed through Hyrule, constantly covering her face with her hands as you would race each other recklessly through swamps or threw bombs at Bokoblins for fun

You and Link would typically climb the highest point in the vicinity and then throw yourselves off of it, opening your paraglider at the very last second and giving Zelda heart attacks as she tried to stop you

Zelda loved to get her hands dirty usually, but she had limits

You two did not

One time you, Link, and Zelda were just traveling calmly through Akkala, going to visit Robbie in his research lab, when you passed by the Hinox that typically slept in the grove of trees near the Citadel

Zelda was leading the troupe and keeping to herself while you and Link rode side by side, being unusually quiet for most of the trip

For a few moments as you passed the Hinox, Zelda swore she heard whispering behind her, and then there was silence

Her Zelda-senses were tingling, and she quickly turned around to see that both your and Link's horses were a few meters behind without either of you atop them

Zelda leapt off her horse and looked around, freaked out that maybe the Yiga Clan had taken you or something had evaporated you or anything dangerous

Then her eyes landed on the two of you hiding behind some trees near the Hinox, waving your hands in some kind of gestures to each other

She would've yelled if she wasn't afraid of waking up the Hinox, but that happened anyway as both you and Link ran up to the Hinox yelling loud sounds and climbing on top of it

Zelda watched in horror as you two got a thrill out of waking up the Hinox and chasing it around the clearing, quickly making it dizzy and having it fall down with a crash

You and Link prodded at it with your swords playfully, mocking it and making it upset as it struggled to get up

Zelda braved her own fear and dashed over to you two, grabbing you both by your pointed Hylian ears and dragging you away from the Hinox as fast as she could

Needless to say, she reprimanded the both of you like children for that

"How are we supposed to save Hyrule," Zelda yelled at the top of her royal lungs, "if you two die before we can even get started? How did you even get past Ganon?!"

You and Link shared a look and shrugged, looking at her innocently

"We were bored," you said. "The Beasts were taking too long so we just went for it. Pretty lucky, too, right?"

You and Link were laughing, but Zelda just sighed and turned away to her horse, grumbling to herself

You and Link never let up after that, continuously spicing up every day with whatever came to mind

~~~~~~

y'all seem like such fun HAHA

hope you liked it!! thank you so much for the request again <33

requests are welcome :)

#breath of the wild #legend of zelda #botw headcanons #botw #botw fanfic #botw!link x genderneutral!reader #x genderneutral!reader #x reader #link x reader #link #botw link #botw loz #loz botw #botw fic #loz headcanons #request #manaminamoto01 #loz fanfic #loz fic

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pokedashwarrior55 · 3 years

Text

ULTRA LONG TIME TWIN HEADCANNONS

@sippin-on-waterfalls your post is ready

From Pokedash and Purplefern

Ooooooookay here we go.

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-Krux perceives time slower than others so he is easily late to events (plus he gets distracted and way into projects so he can easily lose track of time, ironically) so he could end up missing a lot of Elemental Alliance meetings

-Acronix made sure he informed Krux it was time to go (whenever he remembers, anyway) otherwise he’d be uber late all the time. Good thing they always go together

-Acronix is super early all the time because of his powers and he and Griffon Turner’s grandfather got along really well

-All the same, between lack of attention span, focusing on other things, and not caring for the meetings in general, Krux and Acronix miss a LOT of meetings

-Before alliance meetings Wu is training little Morro and the Twins and the Master of Speed just waltz in the monastery doors an hour early

-Acronix teaches Morro some sick fighting moves (some rather underhanded)

-Krux advises him to never let people get away with harm cause you are the most important thing in your life. (Revenge!)

-Wu be like plz stop encouraging my kid into violence and dishonorable tactics.

-Krux brought refreshments to an EA party exactly once. It was pickled beet tea and nobody liked it. He took it very personally.

-Back during the war, the love triangle with Misako was actually a love rectangle. Krux had a crush on her too but he literally had no idea how to act on it so his part of the rectangle was staring at her longingly from afar and not saying anything.

-Yes Acronix teased him immensely about this. And tried to act as a wingman several times but Krux swore if he did he would murder him

-Pre-series, Misako would do work for the museum a lot, so she ended up working with Sanders Saunders quite often. Despite her relationship to Wu and Garmadon and their “history”, he did like working with her ok

-They both also worked with the Explorer’s Club a lot, and have equal disdain for Cecil Putnam and Clutch Powers

-Krux hates Cecil’s stuffy rules (even though he couldn’t show it while being Dr Saunders) and Clutch’s….everything

-Krux’s doctorate is real, and he has a doctorate in History and and Master’s degree in Museum Studies

-He’s the Curator of History at the museum, and the other curator is the curator of natural sciences

-Acronix is a big nicknames guy. He doesn’t usually call people by their actual names. Only the people he actually cares about or that he super hates.

-But he also generally despises nicknames given TO him. The only people allowed to call him Nix/Nixie are his brother and mother (and later Shannon).

-Krux only calls Acronix "Nix" if he's feeling particularly vulnerable/scared/etc (so like, when being the older twin isn't feeling that fun and he decides to ignore those 3 minutes and be more like the "younger" twin.) So this becomes a lot less as he becomes more arrogant.

-(Based on how he describes Dareth getting beat up by the Vermillion warrior) Krux likes watching wrestling. It’s a guilty pleasure of his

-And of course Acronix loves it once he learns about it, so the two watch it together

-Krux occasionally plays strategy board games. He tried to get Acronix into them but he found them boring.

-(Sometimes he’ll suck it up and play with him anyway, though.)

-Both are sass masters

-Both also like science

-But like completely different facets of science.

-Krux of course likes the more stable and earthy sciences. Biology and geology, ecology. Those elemental science that have always existed but we just haven’t yet understood them

-Krux is also a total history nerd. Things like paleontology and anthropology are also really interesting to him

-Yes he was a dinosaur kid. (Especially since dinosaurs had just started to be discovered back in his day.)

-Acronix of course likes advancement and the otherworldly sciences. Technology, Astronomy. Sure we build upon the discoveries of the past but what about creating something new for the future?

-Acronix does like bioengeneering since it is a new advancement but he knows saying so would make Krux grin with “I told you bio was cool” vibes

-Krux can engulf himself into his work or his schemes for days. As he is very patient.

-Acronix is less so. He sees time constantly moving forward so sitting idle to “Plan” seems a ridiculous waste of time.

-He jumps from activities quickly as the novelty of it wears off and he is always on a quest for what's new and what may work, not really what has been confirmed to work

-Krux of course sees this as a fool's errand. We need to respect the knowledge we have and use it and plan with it.

-But when they are in sync you should be SCARED

-Both thinking in the Present can make them in perfect harmony, Both in fighting and talking.

-Their different planning methods can help eachother get things done. So yes, when they work together you should be scared

-Krux can get really fixated on an idea, and get into major creative blocks. Acronix helps propose out of the box solutions that keep his ideas moving forwards that he wouldn’t have thought of himself.

-But as we see they can also be reeeeallly different and fight over the miniscule things.

-Krux lingers on Grudges easily as he physically cannot not put value to the events of the past.

-Acronix’s main grudge with the alliance came from his ego and arrogance, not his element. I think he feels very internally about wrongs to him in the moment but if he sees nothing really changed a couple of days later he loses interest in holding such a grudge easily

-Each of them have the ability to not be affected by the other’s powers

-Acronix has no patience to listen to anything he doesn’t want to hear. Back when he had his powers he COULD and WOULD just “skip” peoples’ dialogue if he got bored of it.

-Krux has a bad habit of “freezing” people if he feels like they’re interrupting him. Like, he will freeze people who are trying to get him to stop working on something while he’s trying to get something done, and then get back to them when he feels like it. Everyone has to work on his time. (Annoyingly, this does not affect his brother, which is why Acronix is the only one who can actually get him to stop working on his projects.)

-Whenever Krux & Acronix would hang out with Chen, Acronix loved messing with Clouse. Clouse reminds him of his brother, but even more stuffy and annoyed somehow, so he just has an instinctual urge to annoy him as much as possible.

-(Clouse does not appreciate this, but Master Chen says they’re “important” to his plan so Clouse just suffers quietly.)

-Acronix likes the Master of Speed, but also finds it annoying that he can resist his slo-mo powers by going really fast. (On the bright side, though, this does make him the closest thing to an equal he’ll get for a sparring partner, if Krux doesn’t want to train with him for whatever reason.)

-Because of his element, Sound is one of the rare people who doesn’t really mind Krux but REALLY dislikes Acronix. Acronix is just so loud all the time and it physically pains him because he is so sensitive to vibrations and volume. Krux is generally pretty quiet so doesn’t bug him as much.

-Acronix is an Entrepreneur (ESTP) and Krux is an Architect (INTJ)

-They have no Feeling whatsoever

-Otherwise, they are complete opposites

-Both of these personality types hate rules, regulations, and micromanaging restricting authority figures (hmm, wonder why they broke away from the alliance…)

-Acronix is arrogant in the way that he doesn’t care about his flaws, because obviously he is awesome and everyone else is just jelly, Krux is arrogant in the way that he hates people pointing out his flaws, because shut up he doesn’t have any

-Their mother is Polaris, they take after her physically

-Father is Kronos, they got their powers and ego from him

-Their father actively encouraged them to have immense pride in their element -- being the former master of time himself

-Ordered them the sweet matching armor

-He was a samurai back in his day, which is why the Twims wore samurai helmets.

-Between their two loving parents, the Twims were nearly spoiled

-Krux and Acronix grew up pretty rich, Kronos was pretty much high society and Polaris was too

-They went to a fairly fancy private school growing up

-But everyone there were snobs so they didn’t get along well with their classmates (what a surprise)

-Their parents died in a skirmish with Serpentine, leading the Twims to join the alliance full of vengeance.

-Acronix has a battle scar from being grazed by an anacondrai sword on his left pec cause I said so

-Also a lot of misc snake bit scars and a burn scar from that one time (Ray’s got a bad temper and Acronix likes pressing people’s buttons, so that went super well)

-Acronix super cares about his looks so has a ton of, like, haircare and beauty products. Krux has a single bottle of 3-in-1 and a bar of soap and says that that’s sufficient.

-Back in the day Acronix had a bunch of oils and whatever for his hair, and when he’s in the present he’s got a bunch of fancy shampoos and such. He’s definitely the vain one of the two twins

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A collection of Neurodivergent Twims HCs

-Acronix has ADHD and Krux is autisitc

-Acronix is early, but only to things he remembers. He often forgets dates. And Krux will get involved with something else, and has a warped sense of time. Together, the two miss a lot of EM meetings

-And when they’re at them, neither of them are good at conversations. Acronix talks a mile a minute and doesn’t let anyone get a word in edgewise. Krux either doesn’t talk to anyone or similarly dominates conversation and doesn’t let anyone else talk.

-The two also get sent on solo missions alot

-They don’t focus well in a group setting (Acronix generally ignoring the plan for what he prioritizes as the better option and krux simply not being popular with the others and only really battling well beside his brother)

-They are generally strong enough to protect a village by themselves

-The other EM work better with them out of the way since they are “annoying” and no one really likes their arrogance, pride, or entire personhood

-They seem to be happier working only together than with the whole group

-Once during a group charge on a collection of Serpentine races Acronix notices a horde heading in a different direction and follows them impulsive

-All of these things together make them especially unpopular with the other EMs

-Especially with the Master of Ice, who considers their actions disrespectful and often scolds them on their behavior

-Krux and Acronix can BOTH get hyperfixated on things they are interested in, and can also forget to eat and sleep.

-Acronix struggles with insomnia a lot because his brain doesn’t shut up. Luckily his brother never really sleeps either. They spend a lot of long nights talking about nonsense

-Acronix tries to use time skip powers to not waste time while sleeping. He skips the night, but he still didn’t get sleep. He crashes after a few days of this and Krux tells him that he’s a moron

-Acronix has a fidget spinner, which he got for the memes but ended up finding unironically helpful, and gives Krux a fidget cube (which Krux reluctantly accepts and actually does use pretty often.)

-Before learning what a fidget spinner was he would flip his phone a lot. It was both an easily accessible stim and assurance he knew where it was cause he tended to leave things around at random.

-Krux used nail-biting as a stim, mostly because it can appear pretty neurotypical

-Acronix is “annoying” around the ninja during his lil redemption arc, but instead of reacting like the elemental masters, the Ninja actually do research and come to an understanding (especially Zane, who is perceptive, understanding, and has an instantaneous link to the internet).

-Altogether he’s a little surprised when they actually put effort into tolerating and understanding his differences. Huh. How’s bout that?

-Jay is also pretty understanding, he’s got a lot of nd cousins and has ADHD himself so it’s kinda just *shrugs*

-Modern dyes and preservatives really trigger Acronix’s ADHD to be even worse than usual.

-Zane picks up on this, and like the mother hen that he is starts to put in a special effort to keep dyes away from Acronix (or to keep Acronix away from dyes, as the case may be)

-Jay has a similar problem with dyes (which Edna let the Ninja know about, thanks a lot ma ) so Zane works double time to keep them both away from dyes

-Makes special dishes that are “ADHD safe”

-Neither appreciate it (well Jay does but will complain openly at every chance he gets)

-Acronix got into a lot of trouble with their dad when he was a kid, because he just couldn’t pay attention

-Has bursts of anger a lot, oftentimes this happens during things like parties or pre-meeting conversations. (which easily leads to him getting a label of “aggressive” or “hotheaded” by the EMs)

-DEFINITELY struggles with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

-Ninjago history is Krux’s special interest

-Krux freezes people around him when he needs a sec to destim

-Krux is pretty high-functioning, but is on the borderline. He's high-functioning enough to be aware of himself and mask, but not enough to avoid things like shut/melt downs

-Acronix is fiercely protective of his brother whenever he shuts down. Messing with Krux while he's like that (whether the antagonist is aware or not) is a one way ticket to his wrath as well as physical punishment.

-Whenever things got too intense at a meeting/party type thing, Acronix would ditch and sneak them both out whenever Krux was heading towards a shut down. Being the awesome supportive twin that he is, he learned to pick up on the signs of one and was certain to prevent them pretty much whenever possible.

-Acronix failed in his efforts only once (he was kind of sick that day and wasn’t at the top of his game to be keeping a watchful eye on his bro), and Krux kind of ended up time freezing a few of the EMs in the process. It was something the elemental masters (or Krux himself) did not soon forget or forgive.

-He'll go nonverbal sometimes, to the minor aggravation of the alliance. Sign language isn't a thing yet so anyone trying to understand him when he's like this are pretty much reliant on Acronix and his twin sense to translate.

-When their parents died Krux went nonverbal for a little over a month.

-Krux was pretty delayed in learning to speak, he didn’t say his first word until he was 3 ¼

-Even during his redemption arc, Acronix does not tell the Ninja about Krux's autism, from a built in fear that the knowledge would be used against him in possible future battles. (Also because he knows Krux wouldn't want them to know.)

-Krux doesn't just hate phones because “ugh technology”, he also just hates talking on the phone because it’s super difficult

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OK there are way more that we have but... did you know there is actually a word limit on Tumblr? Heh heh... If you want more Twim goodness you can read our extensive fanfic collection... or maybe we’ll make a part two (That’ll probably consist of Home life pre-war stuff, post-canon AU junk, Vermillion family nonsense, and more random stuff)

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sugarcubetikki · 3 years

Text

Marinette Isn’t A Mary Sue.

At least a half of her salters constantly complain about how Marinette’s a Mary Sue and use this as a reason to justify their hate of her character (Ironically, the other half keeps complaining about how her flaws are really really bad). There are a number of so-called “justifiable reasons” on why she’s a Mary Sue. And I’ll just say that I don’t agree with any of them. These reasons can range from “absolute nonsense. are you even watching the show?” to “I can see why you’d think that but you’re ignoring this aspect.” I’ll be breaking down each and every claim that I know of to tell you why exactly I disagree.

Marinette never faces the consequences of her mistakes

This is one of the reasons I downright disagree with and think is absolute nonsense. Marinette is very fallible. The show has portrayed that on multiple occasions. When she makes a mistake, she always faces the consequences and she tries to fix it. That element to her character is what makes her a great role model and it builds up majority of her character arc. I’m not sure what the salters who say this are exactly thinking, but it looks like they really need to re-watch the show.

I’ll give you a fine example. Ikari Gozen is one of my favourite exhibits of her fixing her mistake. She judged Kagami too quick. Based on some presumptions she had on her personality, her feelings towards Adrien and her own jealousy, she judged her intentions too quick and made some really bad choices that episode by trying to sabotage her. In the first half of the episode, a lot of us were quite irritated by Marinette’s behaviour, we genuinely felt bad for Kagami. Which is quite surprising as Kagami is an over-hated character and Marinette is the popular protagonist. But no. The show painted the first half in such a manner that we’d feel sorry for Kagami and reprimand Marinette’s actions. The show itself acknowledged that Marinette was on the wrong side in that moment. That she wasn’t perfect, she was in the wrong. Until Marinette finds out that Kagami had genuine intentions, that she only wanted to be friends with her, she feels bad. She feels really bad with the way she treated her previously. And she realises that her unfriendly treatment could potentially lead to Kagami getting hurt, and yes, it did happen. Kagami did get hurt. And Marinette almost lost the chance of becoming friends with Kagami in that moment. And she would have to live with that guilt for some time if her mother hadn’t called. When her mother called, Marinette stepped up and took the opportunity to prove to Kagami that she was a good friend. That she was sorry. And did want to be friends with her. She made a mistake, faces the consequences and steps up to fix them. The way her relationship with Kagami changes in the course of episodes is a really good example that tells us Marinette is fallible.

Marinette has way too many talents and achievements

Okay. This one is somewhat reasonable and I can see where people are coming from here. However, I still don’t think it accounts for her being a Mary Sue. Here’s why. In Miraculous World, not going to lie, everyone is pretty talented, they’ve all made crazy achievements. Do I need to list now?

Alya runs a famous blog: The Ladyblog. She even earned an interview with Nadia Chamack. Nino is a DJ. He appeared on a show and won! Marc and Nathaniel write/illustrate and publish comics! Ivan, Luka, Juleka and Rose are in a band: Kitty Section. They played live on TV! Adrien’s a teen model, multilingual, pianist, has great physical skills due to fencing and basketball. Even Lila has decent modelling skills, she works for Gabriel now. Kagami is an excellent fencer. That comes from the idea that she’s from a prestigious family world-renowned for fencing. Marinette is pretty close with Jagged because she designed his #1 album for him. Also, she won the contest for Gabriel and was recognised by Audrey Bourgeois. Max literally built a super-intelligent robot with emotions and everything.

So, what does that mean? They’re all Mary Sues and Gary Stu’s. No! We need to remind ourselves that this a kids show and there’s the aspect of encouraging kids to believe in working on their own talents, so they’re encouraged to do anything and push ahead for their dreams. Plus, it doesn’t portray that their talents come naturally, it shows that they work for them and developed these talents through practice.

Clumsiness and stuttering are Mary Sue traits

First of all, not every character that has these traits is a Mary Sue. It always depends on how these traits are represented. Her stuttering isn’t just there for no reason. It’s meant to display her difficulty with expressing her own feelings. We’ve had episodes with Marinette saying how it’s difficult for her to say what she feels. Episodes! And it isn’t just a meaningless detail. It represents her fear. Her fear of rejection. Her fear of being in a relationship and things going wrong. Her fear of many things. Her fear is the reason why she hesitates. Why she stutters. And it tells us that fear is completely natural. Fear in love is something that’s natural.

I'm so tired of not being able to just tell him how I feel! But I'm so scared, Tikki, always so scared he'll reject me.

What if he tells me that he loves me? Or that he doesn't love me? Or that he likes me, but not in that way -

Yeah. Don’t you dare tell me that this fear isn’t depicted in the show. It’s blatantly obvious.

As for her clumsiness, it represents her nervousness. It comes in the form of her fear to mess up. She’s clumsy when she’s nervous. And thus she’s afraid she can mess up due to that clumsiness and nervousness. In the Origins, her insecurity, her nervousness was all displayed in the form of her clumsiness, and she knows she displays her nervousness through clumsiness And she was afraid that her clumsiness could mess things up. That’s why she believed she was disaster-prone. And incapable of being a superhero. Because she was nervous and scared.

She gets too much screen-time

This one I really don’t get. How is having more screen time making her a Mary Sue? She’s the main protagonist. Of course, she’s going to get a lot of screen-time. Her endearing personality and active lifestyle molds the storyline of the show. She’s easy to follow along. If you’re comparing her to Adrien, I’ll say that...Adrien’s a mysterious and sheltered character. Giving him too much screen-time can get boring because he’s stuck at home all the time. We can focus on his family mystery but if the show does it too much, it ruins the mystery aspect of it. I adore Adrien getting screen-time with episodes focused around him too but I’m not going to expect him to get as much as screen-time as Marinette because his character is different, and him getting as much screen-time as her doesn’t work for the style and demographic. And claiming that she’s Mary Sue because of more screen-time is stupidity.

Encouraged jealousy and despising other girls around her crush is a Mary Sue quality

Firstly, the show never encourages Marinette’s jealousy. It doesn’t encourage it. Plus, she’s not jealous in every situation. Only in specific situation when she thinks there’s something off about the person like Chloe and Lila. In Volpina, Marinette had realised she had gone overboard with calling out Lila. And she did face consequences for it. Her akumatization. And she did try to fix her mistake in the end by apologising for overreacting. Lila was the one who turned her away that time. As for Kagami, her jealousy arc changed based on her attitudes about Kagami. During Frozer, she wasn’t jealous per say, upset but not jealous. Frozer made Marinette and Kagami misunderstand each other, that’s why they’re quite petty towards one and other for the next few episodes. In Animaestro, I don’t think Marinette would’ve been that petty if it weren’t for Chloe. But yeah, that episode isn’t one of her best moments. I’m not a fan of it either. In Ikari Gozen, these misunderstandings were cleared and so were the issues from Animaestro, and it’s fine now. On a overall, I don’t believe Marinette would get jealous around everyone. At least, not in a way where she would try to stop them from getting close to Adrien all the time. It depends on the person and situation.

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In conclusion, Marinette isn’t a Mary Sue. She’s fallible, has flaws, fears and works for her achievements. And that’s on point.

#sugar analyses #miraculous ladybug #miraculous #marinette dupain cheng #ml fandom salt #ml meta #ml analysis #character analysis #anti marinette salt #marinette is not a mary sue

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leahseclipse · 3 years

Text

Dear diary

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: When Spencer happens to find a diary in the library, he becomes more curious about the owner of it, wanting to find them, and possibly know them better than with a few words.

Warnings: None that I can think of; just two idiots (soon to be) in love, sorry, some moments are so cheesy (but it's so cute I couldn’t not do it)

Category: Fluff

Word count: 8.4k

A/N: Here’s the fic I’ve been working on for like...one month?? I’ve taken part in the fic swap organized by @imagining-in-the-margins , and wrote that fic for @sunlight-moonrise :)!!! It really was awesome to take part in it and I can’t wait to do others ones!! Go check out their fics as well, they’re really awesome :)

I usually like to stay in places like the libraries I go to, the ambience is my favorite part about it, it’s pretty calm (nice deduction genius, you’re in a library, so of course it’s going to be calm), the people that I see there are quite friendly, I’ve had the occasion of speaking with some of them, and mostly, it allows me to discover new stuff instead of reading the same books for a whole week.

When I do that, I’m either really bored, or the book just happens to be one I like to read without being bored after a few pages, or even after reading it for the 100th time.

But, I guess that going to the library was a good choice, the other option that I considered before deciding to go outside was to stay all day in my secluded apartment, probably on the couch or wherever I sit, either reading or watching tv.

It’s not that I’m lazy, I just like to do simple things like these, I’m not usually into group activities, that actually involves social stuff.

Most of the time, Penelope forces me to participate because I never decide to join on my own.

Right now, I think I just prefer to stay alone, it’s been a few hours since I came in, so I’m not really in the mood to be other people, maybe later I guess.

Although, I still found it weird not to have any message or call, it still was strangely calm. It rarely occurred.

I know, in this case, I should relax, as there is, nothing, absolutely, nothing, going on, but I can’t help but think that my phone is gonna start to vibrate at any second when I had just managed to find peace, -that I’m not close to finding- if I keep thinking of all of it happening.

I just sighed as I opened the book I had been holding for the past hour; I haven’t even reached the half of it because of all of the thinking I’ve done since I stepped in the library.

I had nothing to do at this moment, so might as well use the time I have to go to a place I appreciate.

I’ve always liked going to these, for as long as I remember. They’ve always been a place where I felt safe, relaxed, all of my problems would fade away when I’d be in, I always saw it as a shelter against the rough reality that faced me at that time when I was at high school.

I couldn’t really say something without being seen as an annoying brat; I still wonder if it was because they couldn’t accept the fact that a 12 years old was smarter than them, that I was annoying by always managing to find the answer, or because they still couldn’t stand me.

So, I guess that's why I found a real shelter in books.

I’d always read for hours and hours without interruption, at the end of one book, I already wanted to read four more.

They all were nothing but the most interesting words that I constantly appreciated other than the insults of the other students.

I used to be able to forget what was on my mind when I was reading. I still am, but when you have a job that can interrupt your perfect calm moment, things tend to get complicated when you happen to lose your concentration over that.

I also had let myself get distracted by what happened to be around; for example, the rain pouring outside, the drops that would fall down the glass, so, yeah, I...did choose to look at that instead of focusing over a book that was far more interesting.

I also closed my book again for what felt like the millionth time; perhaps it had something to do with my current struggle to focus, I didn’t really know.

It was turning out to be one of those days; my mind would fill with a ton of things, constantly repeating themselves in my head, till I'd feel like it’d explode.

I may be just making up stuff, and I'm just distracted this time, nothing bad.

The small space I was in had some shelves a bit dispersed throughout the room, chairs, and two small tables in the middle. But when I had expected to only see the pamphlets that have always been there, I happened to be confused about the item laying on the pile.

At a glance, it looked like a small notepad of sorts.

I haven't even noticed someone here previously, I didn't even know if someone had come at all.

I tend not to pay attention to my surroundings when I read, or even focus on anything, I just act as if nothing and as if no one was around, it's just what's in front of me and my thoughts.

I have to admit that some exceptions can occur sometimes, such as today, when I chose to focus on a few drops of water, instead of the book that I barely touched since I arrived.

I can even dive in a book as someone is talking and just block what they say and only focus on the words I'm reading, it’s happened...quite a few times now.

It probably is why I haven’t noticed that the person that was previously here had left, nor see the book on the table.

I couldn’t even tell when, because again, I didn’t notice their presence at all.

Perhaps I could find something about the owner of the item in there…? I can't just leave it there, I'll end up regretting it at home and it won't leave my mind.

I had slightly gotten up from my seat so my arm could reach the rectangular-shaped item and sat back when I acquired it.

I did take a look at it, turned it around to search for whatever could be written on the cover, but nothing could be seen, despite that, I searched for a good minute before realizing that I'd probably have to open it to search for a possible name in it to identify the owner.

As I lifted the small string keeping the red notepad open, I found myself with a white page, with a name written on it.

“y/n y/l/n”

I couldn’t really find them with only their name, they could be living in this city, and if they weren’t from here, the whole state.

Would it be right to just give it to one of the employees so that they could pick it up later?

I didn’t really know, the employee could forget it, put it in a corner, and it possibly could end up getting lost, which, I wouldn’t really appreciate, even if I don't know the person at all, so it wouldn’t really change my life.

But still, I’d still feel guilty about that, I wouldn’t want to be responsible for losing their item if it does end up getting lost.

If I went any further, I would, in a way, invade their privacy. Because I doubt they'd want -or appreciate- a stranger going through it if what’s written is personal.

I already went through the ‘give it to the staff’ solution, but, it didn’t seem safe to me, it could end up quite bad as the item can end up getting lost, so, that is definitely something to cross off the list. Even if it could end up not getting lost, I didn’t prefer to take the risk.

I couldn’t ask them about the person, as I didn’t even know them, and hadn’t even seen them around the library.

If I went to the staff standing at the enter like “I’m looking for someone that left a diary, I don’t know anything about them, I just know their name, and they went here.”, it’s literally to no use. A ton of people come in and out, and they just can’t guess. But, I did have their name, I could go up to them and ask…?

But again, what if they forget to give it to the owner when they come in? Or what if they forget they left it there, and don’t know it’s the place they left their diary there? But, was keeping it the best solution after all?

With all of the potential scenarios that could possibly happen, but not happen at the same time, to me, keeping it could possibly be the best solution, I guess.

I don’t really know if the following actions were involuntary, or just curiosity, but I just began slightly wandering through the pages, that even if that wasn’t one of my intentions at all.

I really am a complete stranger, I shouldn’t be doing that at all.

Should I be doing that right now? This isn’t appropriate at all, they wouldn’t appreciate someone going through this, at all.

But, as I went through the pages, I began to find myself more interested about the person, some books that I had read myself had been mentioned, they seemed quite attentive, I could also tell that from the way they were writing, their writing was delicate, way more different from my chicken scratch writing that basically no one could read without having to request my presence to translate the nonsense on the paper.

I shouldn’t be going through this though, I should just close what I identified as a diary after a few pages right now. I don’t know them at all, and they don’t know me either, that isn’t something I would like someone else to do to me, so why was I still reading it?

“Even if I weren’t very happy about the behavior of my shitty boss, y/n would actually like to keep her job, so she keeps her mouth shut and smiles at what he has to say, even if she doesn’t care at all.”

It did...somehow looked like what I would say about Hotch sometimes, because even if we’re good friends, he happens to still be my superior, so we did have some arguments, eventually.

“I...also kind of hate what went on recently, I just got rejected by the guy I had a crush on-”

I closed the diary as soon as I began reading the beginning of the sentence.

Now, I should definitely not be reading that. That’s getting a bit personal over there, and I doubt she’d like that, again.

I had already gone way too far by deciding to go further than the page with her name on it, and now I reached something, that is...really personal and that I shouldn’t have read at all.

Don’t open that again Spencer, you shouldn’t have even begun reading, and now, you shouldn’t be opening it again, if you possibly want to attempt at getting a friendship, and know more about that person.

I don’t know what happened but I just suddenly had the urge to do what I wanted to do when I had taken it: Give it to the staff and hope she manages to get it back.

A part of me did want to respect her privacy, even if it kind of was ruined now, and return it so that I wouldn’t open it again, but another part really wanted to know more about her, and possibly hope to be able to return it myself, because I do want to talk to them after what I had read, I didn’t know a lot of people that knew the books I have read, and to who I could talk to about if I do end up meeting them.

After a while of thinking, I figured I could still ask the staff, her name is in it, and if she happens to come here often, perhaps that could help, I didn’t really know.

I headed to the office near me, as a young man turned his head towards me when I had brought his attention.

“Oh, Spencer. It’s nice to see you there, it’s been a while, busy with work, as always?”

“Yeah, as always. Oh, by the way, I was wondering if you could help me with something; I found this...diary in the table over there, and the only name in it is “y/n y/l/n”, do you happen to know someone with that name, by chance?”

“y/n y/l/n? Uh, I may know someone with that name? Wait.” He said as he stepped away to talk to another employee. “Julia, do you happen to know someone named...y/n y/l/n? Spencer found a diary of hers.”

“y/n? Yeah, she comes in from time to time to grab science books.” She answered as she walked in our direction. “I wished I could go and give it to her, but, I’m really busy right now. You could leave it there though."

“I'd prefer for her to get it in person. So, I could bring it to her, but I don’t really know where she is. Do you...happen to know?” I asked, hoping to get a helpful answer.

“I think she works at uh…that craft shop at the end of the street, I saw her sometimes. You could see if she’s there, and if she’s not, you can leave it to the blond and tall guy, he’s the owner, so he’ll give it to her when she's back.” Julia said.

“Okay, uh...thanks for the help. See you later.” I gave them a small wave, as I headed to the exit, walking down the street on my way to the place that had been mentioned in the conversation.

I didn’t come here often as I don’t necessarily build stuff, but I walked in front of it often, so I just knew it was there, nothing much.

The front of the store was colored with black paint along with small yellow lights, it stood out a bit in the street, compared to the shops around. It really made a good first impression for someone that had never come, the way the place was displayed seemed quite welcoming.

When I had made my way into the shop, everyone seemed busy with their tasks, and the shop contained about...five, six people, I’d say.

I took a minute observing the surroundings, I didn’t really have anything to notice or say, except that the shop was nice, it was nicely organized, small signs to help the customers find what they needed were displayed, the shelves were in order, the products seemed to be good brands, and it really was various.

It wasn’t until a soft voice had brought my attention; as I turned towards the source of the voice.

“Hi, do you...need help, with something?” The girl asked with a small smile on her face.

“Oh um...I’m looking for...someone named...y/n y/l/n? I found something that belongs to her and the employees at the library where I found it said I could find her here, and that if she wasn’t there, I could give it to a blond and tall guy, who’s apparently the owner.” I explained as I held out the object firmly in my hand.

“Yeah, she’s in the back, give me a minute, I’ll get her.” She said as she left to the back of the shop, leaving me to awkwardly stand there while I waited for them to return.

It didn’t take as much time as I thought it would, in no time, she was back with a girl walking behind her.

“As said, I brought her there. I’ll leave you two, I gotta get back to the storage.” She gave a pat on the shoulder of her colleague, as she disappeared in the corner.

“I was told that you had...found something that may belong to me?” The girl, supposedly y/n, said.

“Y-yeah, I found...that, at the library.” I stuttered as I handed her the diary. She hadn’t fully realized what I handed her at first, but her face quickly showed a surprised and relieved expression on it.

“Oh, you found it there? I, I swore that I took it with me when I left for work, I was in a hurry, so I guess I forgot it, thanks."

“Probably, it was on one of the tables, I didn’t want it to end up lost, or whatever else could happen, so, I took it, hoping I might find who it might belong to. I was lucky they knew you at the library. And lucky that your name was in it. I...opened it to find out who it could belong to since the cover didn’t have a name on it. I...really felt kinda bad for opening it though.”

“Oh, just- leave it, it’s not really a big deal, you didn’t do a crime or anything. You kinda had to open it in the first place so you could know who it belonged to. I wouldn’t have been delighted by that at first, but I’m glad you found it.”

“I thought you’d react differently, I wouldn’t have liked the idea of someone going through my stuff either. I just don't feel comfortable sharing my stuff with other people.”

“You did nothing wrong there, you just wanted me to help me, that’s all. You don’t have to worry about making me angry or anything. But, don’t worry, I understand, I don’t even let my own mother see anything, I like her a lot, but I still like to keep stuff for myself, you know.”

“Yeah, I’m glad. At least everything is in order. I should uh...probably let you work, I don’t want you to be in trouble or anything because I kept you busy about something not work-related at all.”

“No, it’s ok. The boss isn’t around, and we don’t have many customers, it’s a calm day.” She said as she stepped closer. “Don’t tell anyone, but I actually prefer when it’s like that, I don’t work a lot and it’s better when there’s not a lot of people, I hate social interactions.”

“I get you, I also prefer that; but, unfortunately, talking to people is part of my job, and I don't think my boss would appreciate me taking a vow of silence."

“Same there, wish I could. Especially….when I get annoying customers.” She admitted, in a quiet voice. “So, you see.”

“I see, yeah.” I agreed as I felt a buzzing in my pocket.

Come on, now?

“Shit...I have to go, um...have a nice day. I hope you don’t get in trouble because of the long chat we had.”

“It’s ok, don’t worry- wait!” She interrupted before I could exit. “As you know my name, could I...know yours?”

“Oh, It’s uh...Spencer Reid."

“Well then, uh...bye, Spencer.” She said, as I waved awkwardly when I stepped out.

Well, that sure was...an experience.

It wasn't the best I ever had, as I was basically only rambling, but, it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be on the way.

She kind of was like me, social interactions weren't her thing, so we kind of understood each other, I'd say.

So, if I happened to be awkward, I'm sure she understood why.

Well, to me, it basically was because of that, and...a bit because of her.

I really wanted to know more about her, the bit that I read about her in the diary (before the sentence that I certainly shouldn't have read), she just seemed...like an really great person. The kind of person that’d make you want to know more about her, really.

But, we were nothing more than strangers; knowing someone's name and a few details about them doesn't mean that all of a sudden, you know them.

I just found her diary, nothing more.

So...why do all of a sudden, I want to know more about her?

I happened to find objects for other people, but I never wanted to pursue the exchange that I had with them.

Maybe I should just let it slide away. I don't even know if any of that will end up fine.

I don't even know if she'll find the fact that I want to know more about her creepy or nice.

It's not everyday that a guy who found something for you suddenly wants to know more.

Maybe it's just me, maybe it's just fine, and I'm just persuading myself that it's weird while it's not.

I just...guess we'll see.

I don’t think she’ll react badly.

And...as I predicted, I haven't stopped thinking of her once in a while.

Every time I didn't think of something; she'd appear.

Why did a complete stranger occupy my mind more than others I've met before? I did remember the people I've met, but I never thought of them as much as her.

Did a diary and a few sentences really take that much for her to stay stuck in my thoughts?

I'm sure she forgot about me since, I just gave her diary back, she exchanged a few sentences with me, and that was it.

I couldn’t even let it slide away as I previously told.

I don’t even know if I could see her again one day.

I do want to, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t even know if she’s from around, and if she doesn’t happen to be, I don’t want to be seen as a creep if I happen to walk around.

Yeah, that was a bit weird to say, but I’m just saying what she or anyone else would possibly think of that, if I ever were to do it.

Maybe she’ll come to the library again?

If she comes again, I hope it’ll be when we both happen to be free, because if that happens when I’m on a case, or when she’s at work, it’s gonna be...really complicated.

I just don’t really want to directly come to the store, what if she’s not here? What if she finds me weird? I just...prefer to meet her again outside of work, in a more appropriate place, where I’ll probably feel less pressured about a conversation.

Again, yeah, it’s weird, I admit it, but, I just wouldn’t really want to directly go where she works, the majority of the scenarios that I made up, and that are filled with the fears I have about them, they’re not the greatest ones to be honest. They’re very likely not about to happen considering how ridiculous they are, but I just prefer to do it another way that won’t include a ton of ridiculous scenarios.

I seriously have no idea of why I’m acting like this, there is literally, absolutely, not anything. She’s literally the sweetest person I’ve met, she acknowledged my awkwardness, the fact that I didn’t like social interactions a lot (because most of the time, they end up in me rambling, and the person I’m talking to, is not understanding a single word of what I say the whole time, and is pretending to, to not offend me), she really was nice, and there was apparently no reason for her to find me weird in any way.

I think that I really was making up things, and being a bit dramatic.

I don’t think it’ll be that bad.

I just have to see things on the positive side, next time I’ll see her, it’ll be okay, I’ll try to not look nervous as hell, or even make the conversation weird, and everything will be absolutely fine.

I just have to stop worrying about things that aren’t things to worry about at all and go with it.

Because honestly, what could possibly go wrong?

I'm just trying to convince myself something wrong will definitely happen, when it simply won't.

We'll have a completely normal talk, without any inconvenience, and maybe see each other again, that's it.

Next time I'll see her will be a good day, I have to focus on that and absolutely not on the list (that's….oddly large) of what could possibly go wrong.

But eventually, the next few days went…better than I expected them to be, surprisingly.

I did almost stop thinking about all of the stuff that would make our future interaction bad, and really weird, refraining me from ever talking again considering how embarrassed I would be if I'd turned out this way so…yeah, keep the positive thoughts coming Spencer.

The week had gone...okay-ish, I’d say.

In a way, we were busy, but at the same time, not really, it was pretty calm compared to many of these chaotic days we all hope won’t appear soon.

I had indeed tried to stop stressing about what had been on my mind for a while, but I hadn’t quite stopped thinking about her. It’s weird that she stayed on my mind more than I thought she would.

I would have never forgotten her, but thinking about her, basically most of the time, I wouldn’t have gone that far.

Even if the week had been calm, I haven’t found the motivation or time to get myself to the library as I was supposed to. I just hoped she would be there when I would finally decide myself to go, that way I’d perhaps have a chance to get to talk to her, I just hope it will go well, I want to.

Wanting to know a stranger I read a few words about isn’t part of my habits, but I just want to try to get to know her. I don’t want to regret it later and blame myself because I haven’t been able to gather even a bit of courage to approach her.

I’m sure she’ll be okay with it, she seemed pretty nice when we had exchanged a few words, it didn’t seem like she wanted to leave, found me weird, she seemed pretty calm and open to me.

So, I think the next time I’ll see her will be fine.

Next time will be better, I just have to gather some courage, and it’ll be totally fine.

There won’t be any problems.

Don’t ask how, but I somehow found myself going to the library on a free day instead of staying in my apartment all day to either read the entirety of my shelf or watch whatever comes to mind, so, basically, sit on the same spot all day and only getting up when I need to do something.

It’s pretty basic, Morgan often teases me a bit about it, saying that I could try to meet people, find love, go outside and all of these things...that only interests himself and no one else.

It’s not that I’m against all of that, it’s just that...I’m not at ease with it in general.

That’s not really part of my list of favorite things, and if I had to explain more in depth, I prefer spending a whole afternoon watching Doctor Who or even doing paperwork if I’m really bored, rather than go outside and regret it five minutes later because if I’m with other people, I can’t go and have to stand there awkwardly till everyone decides to go back home.

I don’t completely hate talking and being with other people, because I’m literally surrounded by them at work and whenever I usually go to like the library, the coffee shop and etc, but you get it, I have a preference for staying alone sometimes, it depends I’d say.

Because sometimes, it happens that I’m in the mood to be with other people without having the need to go five minutes after we gathered around.

I think it happens with most people, I hope that I’m not the only one that constantly switches their socialization mode on and off every two minutes because they can’t decide whether they want to ignore people and stay in their bubble, or talk with people and interact more than they usually would.

Today, I think that I was between the two, I did appreciate being alone in my thoughts without having to engage a conversation I’m not interested in, or simply engage a conversation in which I’ll force myself to talk to not upset the other person, but, I did wanted to see a person, I did get here in hopes to see someone, her.

I think that, as I just realized, and admitted to myself, I did come here in hopes to bump into her, and eventually talk.

It would be nice to see her, at least I would have a reason to be here because...I truly have no idea why I came, I tried to make up an excuse like: "I need to get that book.", but it turns out that I already read it, and as long as I can remember, I don’t think I’ve enjoyed it as much as any other I’ve read more than my brain can recall.

But, I don’t really know what I was supposed to do right now, I didn’t even come here to read, so what was I supposed to do? Take a seat somewhere, and if she comes, pretend to read, and when she approaches; ‘oh I didn’t see you there!’.

I just wouldn't see myself telling that when I’d be saying the exact opposite, if she does come, I’m only gonna see her, and only her.

I can’t pretend that I didn’t see her at all, it wouldn’t be true at all, and would kind of be rude, because I’d, in a way, pretend to ignore her, when I could just gather some courage to talk to her.

I have no idea when did I get so nervous about talking to someone, I basically do that all the time with my work, so, why am I acting like that?

I just have to approach her when I’ll see her, and ask basics things for when you start a conversation, and just, talk about other subjects to make the conversation going.

And now...I just realized it sound like I’m making a plan or something, I’m planning off what I want to do, and it’s kind of weird.

You can’t really plan how a discussion goes, unless a subject to make it start is there, for example, in a meeting, in a class, or even for me, at work when I’m on case, but now, with y/n, the conversation will probably go from start, it’ll just be going with the flow, with what we both think, it won’t have a head start; but at the same time, I have no idea what I’m gonna talk about, and, as I said, I can’t plan what I’m gonna talk about either.

Since when did I question myself about that?

I usually don’t do it, I don’t even question myself and just start the conversation without even thinking of what I’m going to talk about, there isn’t really supposed to be a problem in general, but, I don’t really know, we barely know each other and don’t really know how to act, talk, so the other won’t feel embarrassed, I wouldn’t want to talk about stuff she thinks weird or hates, that would kind of make a bad impression, especially if I want to form a friendship with her.

I really have to stop, I’ve been rambling in my head for god knows how long, and it seriously won’t make things with her better, only worse.

We started off pretty fine, so, I prefer to keep it that way, we’ll know what to talk about, and make the conversation good, so that we’ll just pursue it without even planning stuff.

I do it everyday, it’s totally not complicated, and last time we talked, I didn’t even stress about that, I just thought about knowing her more, so I could ask about her interests, how was her day, and eventually, some books, it could be a good way to start.

I’m just going to wander around it, and just, hope she’ll come by, I guess.

I didn’t even think that she could be there, because when someone comes in, you don’t particularly look right away at the enter, unless you’re actually expecting someone you know to come in, but, I didn’t even know if she even hoped or know I’d come here, I have just came here, and that’s it, it didn’t necessarily mean that I was from around.

I did try to pay attention to my surroundings this time, it wasn’t an habit of mine when I happened to be in my thoughts, but I didn’t really want to bump into someone, it’s a bit of an awkward situation, only if it’s just a small ‘sorry’ before each goes in separate ways.

It also was in case she happened to be here as I previously told myself when I had made my way in.

I think that it kind of was a way to cheer myself up and get over the fact that she might not come as I hoped for the past days.

All I could possibly do was to remain in high spirits, and just accept what will happen, it’s really not like I can force the universe to bring her here, or text her, we didn’t even knew each other enough to be able to maintain contact, and even if a long connection wasn’t needed for it, it would have been way too weird to give her diary back and ask her number, to me.

Most people don’t hesitate and just go straight, probably telling themselves they don’t have anything to lose, but that doesn’t really seem to be my case at the moment, I’m like...not really close to it. The proof is right here, I didn’t even do it.

I would just like to see her again, I wasn’t able to say anything much last time, and I’d really like to talk to her more, I don’t know why, I can’t seem to forget her like that, she’s not like most strangers I’ve before, she really is different, but at the same time, I relate to her a lot because of our similar tastes, and the way she was when I had last seen her, she was a bit, shy, but did seem to overcome it as much as she could.

I think that, if she paid attention, she must have sort of noticed it with me as well.

The short interaction doesn’t mean much as I only saw her once, and it didn’t necessarily mean that she really acted this way in general, or just when she was with me, but the small chat we had was enough for me to tell so.

I don’t know if not having the courage to directly go to her workplace wasn’t dumb from me, it literally was as simple as if she came here, I could have went there, but at the same time, if she wasn’t there, or if she found it weird, I can’t seem to think it could happened like that, while it simply could have been totally not awkward at all, and she would have been nice, I’m just making up ridiculous scenarios that she wouldn’t do, she didn’t seem like someone mean at all.

In resume, I literally came here in hopes to see someone that I hope won’t find me weird because I’m there, and will not assume I’m hanging around to bump into her or anything else, because that's literally something I’m gonna have trouble to answer to without feeling embarrassed.

I guess I'm just gonna walk by the aisles, maybe I'll find something to keep myself occupied while I wait.

"—the diary? Yeah, I got it back, it's uh…a guy named Spencer that came to the shop to give it back to me."

Wait, is it…

"Oh, yeah. I know him, he comes here pretty often. I’m glad, he really seemed concerned and determined to find who it belonged to."

That voice is Julia’s, I’m not sure about the first that I heard.

"Thankfully you were here. You did contribute too."

It could be her.

"No, it's nothing, I just happened to be there."

"You did help, so, accept my gratitude."

She did mention my name, it could be her.

"Okay, thank you." Julia said.

"I prefer that."

"You're really acting like— give me a second please!" Julia said, as she gave me a glance that was so fast that I think that she didn't have time to recognize me.

After that, just as I glanced at her, the girl she conversed with turned her head behind her, probably out of pure curiosity.

"Oh, you're here. It's been a while." Y/N seemed surprised, but delighted to see me.

"Oh, sorry...I didn't see it was you, I barely glanced at you." Julia apologized.

"It's no problem…really." I said, eyes wide as I kept my gaze on y/n.

"Did you need something?" Julia asked.

"Me? Oh, no, I just uh...heard y/n and came here, but uh…thanks for asking Julia."

"Are you okay?" Y/N asked, her brows furrowed.

"Y-yeah, I am. Totally. 100%.”

"Okay, uh…” She hesitated, giving Julia a glance. “We're gonna do something. Since you've been coming longer than me, you could help me find new books that you like and that I might too, is it ok?" She said, as I glanced between her and Julia, as if I was looking for an answer.

"Sure, let's uh...search."

"Let's search!" Y/N exclaimed, in a playful tone as she put her hand on my right shoulder, slightly pushing me further in the alley to get me to move before I even got to think of walking by myself.

Once we had disappeared from Julia’s sight, she looked at me, taking a look around as she gave me a small smile.

“I didn’t actually want you to search books with me, it was mainly so that we could exit this embarrassing situation.” Y/N said, slighty bouncing on her feet. “What were you up to here? Are you on a day off?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. For once, I don’t have anything to do; Same for you…?”

“Yeah, I worked a lot and replaced people, so they allowed me to have one day or two. By the way, were you up to? Hoping to see someone?”

"Someone? No, I uh, definitely wasn't hanging around here hoping to bump into you or anything..."

“I never asked if it was me, but apparently, I have a feeling you really were hanging around to see me.”

“Maybe I did…?”

“I thought you would have forgotten me by then. I’m glad it’s not the case, I still thought about the ‘diary incident’ from the last day.”

“I didn’t, and yeah, I thought about it too.”

“I actually wanted to find you back, but when I came, I didn’t see you.”

“I...also did that. I could have gone to your workplace, but I...wasn’t sure. So, I just hoped to see you here I guess, I hope you don’t lose anything else, because I won’t be able to contact you, and I’ll have to go to where you work, hoping I don’t make a fool out of myself.”

“That won’t happen if I have yours.” She said, as she took her phone out of the back pocket of her bag, handing it to me. It took me a few seconds to realize what just went on before I took the phone out of her left hand, nervously typing my number, erasing it a million times when I typed the wrong number; after a few tries, I gave it back to her.

“That way you’ll be able to find me, even if I didn’t lose something.”

“Did we basically meet because you lost something?”

“Basically, yeah. Losing it wasn’t as bad as I thought.”

“I’m kinda glad that you did in a way.”

“Really? I didn’t think so, I just...didn’t think you’d pay such attention to it, it just was a small interaction, after all.”

“I couldn’t just do that, I couldn’t pretend to not pay attention to that, to resume the whole situation, you left your diary in the library and I wanted to figure out who you were.....and when I read it, it was different from most people I’ve met, I know that I shouldn't have read it at all, and that was completely inappropriate to do from me, but, as I read, not the entirety of course, because that would possibly qualify me as a weird person coming from you, or anyone that knows that I’m a complete stranger, but I really had the need to learn more from you that with just a few words, if...that seems clear, and totally not weird, because that’s...not what I’m trying to be. So, yeah.”

“I get it, yeah. I didn’t think you were weird at all though. You kinda reminded me of myself in a way, I’m always afraid that the person I’m talking to is bored and doesn’t dare to tell it because they’re afraid of hurting my feelings. I’m glad you didn’t find the small chat we had uninteresting, or annoying, you know, not something that made you waste your time.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, don’t worry, I really liked talking with you.”

“How about we have other conversations then? We could have one now, you could help me pick out books, I’m kind of bored of reading the same ones. How is that?”

“Yeah, sounds great, yeah.”

“I guess uh...lead the way?”

“Oh, yeah- I’ll lead the way.” I said, as we both walked towards the staircase leading to another section of the place, and although we only walked for just a minute, it felt like less, I didn’t stop staring at her that I almost tripped over the last step.

“What was on your mind? You almost fell down.”

“I uh...just got lost in my thoughts, for a bit. You know, thinking about books...and stuff.”

“Just books?”

“Yep’, just books, totally nothing else.”

“If you say so.” She said, with an amused tone.

“I’m telling the truth!”

“Your tone was saying otherwise.”

“My tone...how?”

“You sounded nothing but suspicious. Kind of obvious if we look at your face too.”

“I wasn’t aware of that.”

“Now you know genius.”

“Genius? What’s that nickname?”

“I don’t know, it suits you.”

“And what’s your nickname? The-girl-that-forgets-her-stuff?”

“It was an accident, I only did it once!”

“You might do it, you gave me your number to call you in case you lose stuff.”

“No; it’s also so we can talk, that’s all.”

“Just that?”

“Yeah, just that. Now stop talking and show me books, you told me you’d help me, so do it now.”

“That wasn’t asked politely, try again.”

“Are you serious…?” She let out a laugh.

“Yes, why?” I answered, throwing her a smile and raising my eyebrows, as her smile dropped.

“Ugh...fine. Could you please help me to find new books, Spencer?”

“Now that’s better. Yes, I’ll help you.”

“I can’t believe that, we've known each other since one week or I don’t know how much and you’re already mistreating me.”

“I didn’t mistreat you, I just learned good manners to you, that’s all.”

“Good manners? Am I gonna have to talk to you like that whenever we’ll talk?”

“Exactly.”

“Tell me you’re kidding.”

“Maybe, maybe not.”

“You could have just said yes or no. Turns out you’re not the genius I thought you were.”

“What do you mean? Is there specific characteristics that define geniuses or what?”

“Yeah, and you seem totally not like it.”

“Hey! It’s not true, you don’t even know anything about me.”

“Oh yeah, and what do you have to call yourself a genius?”

“Uh, I don’t usually like to talk about it as it is mostly seen as me bragging about it by some people; but I currently have three PhDs in Mathematics, Chemistry, and Engineering and two BAs in Psychology and Sociology, and I’m also working on getting a third BA in Philosophy.”

“Did you say everything or...do you have more or something? Because I...kind of regret basically saying you were not smart.”

“Three more things…?”

“Okay, are they short or long ones?”

“The sentence is short, but once you know the meaning, they’re not so short...all of a sudden.”

“What are they?”

“Well, an IQ of 187...eidetic memory, and...I can also read 20,000 words per minute.”

“Okay...now I get the beforehand explanation.” She said, as she walked up to an alley, raising her arm at the column the book she must have chosen was.

Well, she didn’t...quite reach it, only with the tip of her fingers. I don’t usually do that, but...I did have some fun watching her struggling, I think she knew she couldn’t reach it, but was trying anyway.

“Here, let me help.” I sighed, as I walked up behind her, raising my hand above her head to take the book.

Ok, is my life a Christmas movie or what now? Not to say that I find it annoying, not at all, but it sounds very cliché to me.

The girl can’t reach out something, so a guy comes out of nowhere to help, they begin to talk, and bam, they’re together one week later, just by magic.

“Thanks, but I could have reached it…”

“In ten years, maybe.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever grow anymore at my age.”

“Why? What are you, 52?”

"No! I’m 25.”

“We’re not that far at all then, we’re the same age. I figured you were younger though, you don’t have an adult face.”

“I do.”

“Is your face that convincing for you to be able to get alcohol without the cashier asking for your ID?”

“Whether I have an adult face or not, you always have to show it.”

“I don’t.”

“Fine, I have a baby face.”

“I was waiting for you to admit it, didn’t take as long as I expected it would.”

“I’m just admitting it now so you don’t bug me with it till I actually decide to.”

“I wouldn’t have dared to do it, don’t lie.”

“I know you would have done it, if not, thought about it.” She admitted.

“I can’t deny it.”

“I knew it. Who’s the genius now?”

“Your IQ didn’t go up because you made me admit something.”

“I like to say it did go up a bit.”

“Okay, a bit. If you think so.”

“I do think so.”

“Okay, genius #2.”

“It’s not the best position for a smart girl like me, but I’ll accept it anyway.”

“Read these books if you say that you’re smart then.” I said, as I dropped two science books in her arms.

“I didn’t come here to read science now, so, no thanks.” She shoved the books back where I had taken them, scoffing.

“I’m trying to make you smarter, why don’t you accept my help?”

“I am smart, I don’t need help.”

“You sure? You did lose your diary.”

“It was an accident, don’t go and tell me you never forgot stuff somewhere.”

“I did, but I realized it before leaving the room at least.”

“Okay, what do you want me to admit?”

“That I’m uh...smart?”

“You’ll have to take me out on a date for that.”

“A date…? Like, a real one?”

“I thought you proved yourself to be smart enough to figure that out.” She smirked at me.

“I am! I just...got surprised by it.”

“Why? Nobody asks you on dates?”

“Not really.”

“Then that explains why I guess.”

“Explains what exactly?”

“That you never went on one, you ask if it was a real one. Of course it is.”

“I just...didn’t expect that. I don’t go out of my apartment expecting a girl is going to ask me out, especially a…”

“A what?”

“...a good looking one, it’s not everyday that I get to talk to girls that pretty.”

“Oh, thanks, I guess.”

“I really mean it. It wouldn’t have been correct for me to not say it, that’s probably why I sounded so awkward back at the shop.”

“I didn’t know it was because of me. I don’t meet guys that get intimidated by me often, they just casually talk with me whether I know them or not, you’re the first one that said that to me.”

“Well, let me say something, they’re all idiots. I don’t understand how anyone could talk to you that way. That might seem weird or creepy, whatever...but, if I had been there when guys were rude to you, whether I knew you or not, I would have helped you, the boyfriend, friend, cousin technique, you know...Okay, that was a weird thing to say.”

“Don’t worry, it’s okay. I would have done and said the same thing. You’re really nice.”

“Oh, it’s no problem.”

“So, you’re still up for the date?”

“Y-yeah, totally.”

“Okay. Do you uh...want to hang out a bit more…? If you don’t have anything else to do, I don’t feel like going home right now.”

“No, I don’t have anything to do.”

“What about...we stay here till the closure?” She asked.

“Even better; till they kick us out.”

“Till they kick us out.” She repeated.

After that, we really did stay till they had to tell us themselves that the place was about to close soon for the day. We did go out after, even if we didn’t plan on, and we just walked around, not even bothering about how far we’d go.

I would be lying if I said that we both got to our respective apartments at a decent hour, because, we actually said goodbye to the other at almost 2AM, when basically everyone got home, the streets were empty, only a few people were there, but not enough for the streets to be crowded.

I wish we would have stayed a bit more, I really felt at ease with her, so, deciding it finally was time to go was hard to do, because to me, time went by way too fast.

I do hope we’ll get to see each other more often (if both of our workplaces allow us to, of course), I just can’t wait to know more about her.

Although, now that all of that happened within a few weeks, changing more than I expected in my life, but, I think that from now on;

I’ll have a reason to pay more attention to my surroundings.

#Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds fic #criminal minds #cm fic #cbs #criminal minds spencer reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #matthew gray gubler fic #cm x reader #cm fandom #mgg #dr reid #cm fluff

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sierraraeck · 3 years

Text

Bad Liar

Moreid (Spencer x Derek)

Masterlist

Summary: Ever since his first day at Quantico, Spencer has had only one thought on his mind: SSA Derek Morgan. He knows that any sort of relationship would be inappropriate, but that doesn’t stop the constant stream of fantasies from flooding his mind.

Category: Spicy fluff, smut alluded

Warnings: Non-graphic descriptions of sex, fantasizing, suggestive touching, kissing, very light cussing.

Word Count: 3.5k

A/N: This was inspired by the song “Bad Liar” by Selena Gomez. If you wanna give that a quick listen, go for it, if not, that’s chill too. I know that I haven’t been very active and haven’t posted anything in a while, but sometimes life just happens. Hopefully this was worth the wait…

Spencer had heard the phrase “I never stop thinking about you.” He’d heard it in reference to love and relationships when people were apparently so madly in love they couldn’t stop thinking about the other. He never really bought that. Love was just a bunch of feel-good chemicals that couldn’t affect the amount of time spent thinking about another person. Plus, how could anyone ever constantly think about a person? There were so many other things to think about like surviving high school, getting into college, graduating, of course his mom, and then getting into the FBI, and how he would surely not be able to make it all the way through Quantico training. No one could ever think about one person all the time. No, definitely not.

But Spencer wasn’t known for being a good liar.

His first day at Quantico he saw Derek Morgan, and he realized that he was wrong. He was so utterly and outrageously wrong.

Because after he saw him, heard his voice just once, his exceptional mind kept those interactions on constant repeat.

He was lucky he was so good at multitasking otherwise he would have definitely failed by now.

Not like he still wouldn’t.

He couldn’t sleep, not with someone like Derek Morgan intruding his every thought, every midnight desire. On top of that, they were about to go into the hardest week of physical training yet, and Spencer knew that this was the one challenge that his brain could not overcome.

The one redeemable thing about the humiliating experience he was sure would come during the following days was that he’d get to see SSA Morgan again. Sure, it'd be more embarrassing to fail in front of him, but at least he’d get to see him a few more times before they kicked him out for being the scrawny kid he’s always been.

The feelings of excitement and anxiety twisted his gut into a wonderful knot, keeping him from yet another night of sleep. Somehow that made it both harder and easier for him to get up when the clock hit 4:45.

Spencer looked between two blinds covering the window on the right, allowing him to see that the sun was still about an hour from rising. Slipping on his given shirt and pants, he hoped that there would be some source of caffeine at breakfast, preferably coffee.

He trudged into the bathroom to find his roommate already awake and dressed. “Big day. You excited?” Jeff, a man about a head shorter than Spencer but at least twice his width in pure muscle mass, asked.

Spencer just grunted in response.

“What? You’re not excited to get pitted against someone else so that you can flail around in an attempt to spar?”

“I’ll stick to teaching you the technique,” he quipped.

Jeff laughed. “It’d suit you better. Unfortunately your wizard brain and forbidden library won’t help you in this one. But dammit if you aren’t the smartest guy here.” Jeff shook his head as if it were a shame.

Once they were ready, along with the rest of the NATs, the group was directed to jog across campus to the building they’d be training in. The day was off to a bad start.

Spencer did his best to distract himself from the actual running bit, trying to analyze the people in his group and those they passed as they went.

Bored, hungry, important, invisible… Derek?!

He turned his head to follow the tall man with short black hair and dark eyes as the group passed him on the sidewalk.

No, that wasn’t him. Of course it wasn’t. Agent Morgan is waiting for us at the facility.

Spencer tried to hide the slight disappointment that came over him. He felt so stupid for looking for him everywhere, but he couldn’t help it. Even his own knowledge and logic was failing him when it came to this man he knew next to nothing about expect for his shining smile and intense eyes and toned biceps and amazing abs and powerful legs and delicious stamina and strong hands that could grip his neck and hold him down and his defined hips bones that Spencer knew would dig into his thighs and certainly leave bruises if he were to…

What was his issue? He couldn’t be thinking that way about one of his trainors.

Although it helped the jog pass by faster. Time flies when you’re having fun, right? Or at least imagining having fun.

When they arrived at the other facility, they were provided a quick breakfast, unfortunately no coffee today, and then led to the top floor with an entire wall traded out for floor to ceiling windows.

The room they entered was massive, large mats rolled out edge to edge, and the smell was musty. It felt humid, sticky sort of, and Spencer hated to think about why that was.

He quickly scanned the room and found his target immediately. Across the way, Derek had his opponent mid flip, landing harshly on his back with a thud. He helped the poor guy up, laughing a bit as he did so. His pearly whites were on full display when he looked up and caught Spencer’s eye. Spencer quickly diverted his gaze, opting instead to look down at his twisting hands.

“Today we will be focusing on hand to hand combat,” Derek announced once the group had wandered closer. “You never know when the perpetrator will decide not to run and instead to attack you, or when you will find yourself without any weapons other than yourself to protect you. The first thing we are going to practice are some basic jabs. Grab a partner and follow our demonstration.”

Derek and the man he’d thrown on the ground earlier, Grant, demonstrated the seemingly simple movements that Spencer and the rest of the NATs were supposed to replicate. Of course, everyone else made it look easy, but Spencer just couldn’t wrap his head around what his arm was supposed to be doing where and when. It was frustrating, even more so than he’d prepared himself for.

“Keep your shoulders here,” that velvety deep voice said, accompanied by his large hands on either of Spencer’s shoulders, adjusting them to more of an angle.

All Spencer could do was swallow hard and nod. He didn’t even dare to look back at him.

“And spread your legs,” Derek said. His breath seemed to get closer to Spencer’s neck with every word, and quieter as he went along. But surely that was all in his head? Right?

Spencer’s startled eyes turned to look at the older man. The edges of his mouth twitched before resuming that stern, professional demeanour. “It’ll help you balance.” With that, he nudged Spencer’s foot farther backwards with his own and walked away, leaving Spencer feeling unnecessarily exposed and confused.

The guy across from him, Harold, one of the only people who had been genuinely nice to Spencer from the start, was watching the whole interaction with suspicion.

The day trudged on with not much change. Spencer’s skin was still on fire from where Agent Morgan had touched him, but he tried to convince himself it was because he didn’t really like being touched. He knew that was a lie, especially in this instance, but it didn’t stop him from telling it.

After lunch, training continued. But at least it got more interesting.

“Grant just got called out on a case, so I’ll be needing someone to help me with this demonstration.” Derek waited just about three whole seconds before smirking, the mischief written all over his face. “Come on? No one wants to volunteer? It’ll be fun, I promise.” When he was met with more silence (even the guys like Jeff didn’t want to be thrown around by Derek), he was forced to choose someone. “How about… Reid.”

Spencer’s head shot up from the back of the group. No, no, this is not good.

Spencer had been dreaming about getting thrown around by Derek for a few months now, but this was definitely not what he’d had in mind.

The crowd slowly parted and Spencer had to face the music; he was going to be humiliated in front of everyone, like nothing had changed since high school.

Sighing, Spencer forced himself to the front of the group. “Lay down for me, knees bent, would you?”

I’d do anything you asked, was Spencer’s initial response in his head. What he really did was shrug and follow instructions.

“The reason we practice this move is because at some point or another, you will find yourself in either position.” Spencer wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that until Derek legitimately stood over him, a leg on either side, then proceeded to get down on his knees, essentially sitting on top of Spencer.

He couldn’t even focus on what Derek was explaining anymore. Breathing didn’t exist. There was no way this glorious man was sitting on top of him right now. All he could think about was how prominent Derek’s ab muscles were through his tight shirt and how he wanted nothing more than to lean forward and run his tongue over them. Spencer could almost imagine what they would feel like; the rise and fall of his muscles, the small hairs covering his body… Spread your legs, he had said to him.

“So then Reid would grab my wrist…” Derek’s use of his name brought him back to reality. If only he could live in his fantasies for longer.

Spencer looked up at Agent Morgan confused. Derek’s eyes got wider and looked at his right hand and then down at his own left wrist. Spencer somehow got the message and reached his hand over to grab a hold of Derek’s wrist. “Good,” he declared. “After that, he would hook his left foot on the outside of my ankle.”

Spencer quickly followed orders, trying to force his brain to supply him with the information he’d missed.

“Then, he’d use my weight against me to flip me over.” Spencer’s eyes got big when Derek said that, mentally panicking that he could never be strong enough for that. Derek nodded at him, so Spencer tried to roll over, and to his, and everyone else’s, surprise, he actually could.

Within seconds Spencer was sitting on top of a very pleased Derek. “It’ll work every time. Of course, if your unsub is skilled he’ll lock you in and flip you back over and potentially pull your arm out of your socket,” Derek explained while doing just that to Spencer, minus the arm-out-of-socket thing, “But we’ll take this one step at a time.”

Derek was back on top of Spencer with his legs wrapped around him in a vice-like grip, but quickly let go to help him up. Spencer gladly accepted the help.

Spencer doesn’t exactly have what one would consider a “big dick.” He always thought that was something to be ashamed of but standing there, getting hard in the middle of an FBI training academy, he couldn’t’ve be more grateful.

The NATs were sent back to work on the newly demonstrated move with their partners. Just as Spencer was about to flip Harold over for the third time, he looked over his head and rolled his eyes.

“What?” Spencer asked.

“What is it with you two?” Harold asked in return.

“What?” Spencer repeated. Harold nodded in the direction he was just looking, and Spencer followed his gaze. Derek was walking by, but nothing else seemed of import. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Oh please,” Harold snorted. He was a lanky man like Spencer, but just a bit shorter and with glasses. Sometimes Spencer envied his glasses, as his contacts often got on his nerves. He continued, “The touching, the constant eye contact, the word choice that could be inherently sexual, and then literally sitting on top of you? When there were plenty of other men and women he could have picked for that demonstration? Tell me you don’t see it.”

Spencer mulled over these words for a few seconds before flipping Harold over. Looking down on him, he said, “I don’t think that means anything.”

“Then maybe you need to get a new prescription,” Harold said, pointing to his eyes.

Spencer shook his head. “What do my eyes have to do with this?”

Harold sighed. “God, your gaydar is so broken.” He flipped Spencer over, stood up, and walked away.

Shortly after, class was called and they were all let go for the remainder of the evening.

“Reid, can I speak to you for a moment?” Agent Morgan called out as the first of the NATs started to leave. A few caught Spencer’s eye with unanswered questions in them, but no more than the mound of questions Spencer had been asking himself.

Without answering, Spencer walked over to the corner of the room that Derek was standing in. He could tell that he was waiting for every single person to leave the room before speaking.

Spencer thought for sure he was getting kicked out because of how horribly he performed throughout the day.

To his surprise, that’s not at all what the outstandingly attractive man had to say. “I wanted to let you know that you did a good job today during the demo. Not many people handle that so well.”

Spencer waited for him to say more, but nothing more seemed to be coming. Derek actually seemed a bit nervous if Spencer could read him right. He replied cautiously, “Thanks.”

Derek cleared his voice and said, “Yeah. And if you ever want to stay late and work on some moves I’d be happy to help.”

Spencer just got more and more confused as his interactions with this god-like man increased. “Thanks,” he repeated. “Why are you offering to help me like that?”

Agent Morgan shrugged. “You’re one of the smartest people in FBI history to come through here, and definitely the youngest. There’s absolutely no reason you shouldn’t become an agent, and I want to see you succeed. That’s all.” He shrugged again, and if there was anything Spencer had learned from the profiling section of his training, someone being over-casual was usually a sign that they were stressed about something they viewed with extreme importance, and were trying to play it off. Why would he be stressed to talk to me?

“I guess I’ll take you up on that offer. Will you be here tomorrow?” Spencer asked, trying to mask the hope in his voice. Who was he kidding; Derek was already one of the top profilers in the Bureau.

“I will be. You can plan to stay after then.”

Spencer nodded and walked away, but not before glancing back one more time. Harold was right; they did make a lot of eye contact.

The next day couldn’t go by faster. Spencer had spent practically the entire night thinking about everything that had happened, trying to figure out if Harold was right or not. There was no way. Spencer was just Spencer, a NAT, and Derek Morgan was, well… Derek Morgan.

He probably just thought that Spencer was a hopeless case and needed extra help. Yeah, that was it. It had to be.

When the day was over, Spencer wasn’t just relieved like he usually was, but he was excited too. It no longer mattered to him what the reason was for him being there late, he just wanted to spend more time in the presence of SSA Morgan.

“I was thinking I’d help you with that second move we learned today, the cross-punch jab combo,” Derek announced. His voice echoed just a bit off the walls of the training center now that it was completely abandoned.

He walked over to one of the punching bags lined up just a few feet from the wall, and Spencer followed him in a manner that could only be described as a lost puppy. Spencer could keep track of all sorts of numbers, but the sheer amount of repeating memories morphing into new thoughts morphing into full blown fantasies was even too high for him to count. He’d never known of a drug so powerful.

“I’ll show you the move again, then I want you to try and copy it.” Derek stepped closer to the bag and executed a textbook one-two combo, the muscles in his arms and back contracting in perfect unison. God, Spencer wanted so badly to just reach out and run his hands all over this pristinely sculpted man, but he denied himself, letting his hands tremble in place instead.

Spencer stepped up to the bag next to Derek’s and attempted to do the same thing. Derek watched with a sharp eye.

After a few reps, the skilled agent took long strides that landed him only inches away from the younger man’s back. “Keep tension here.” His hands engulfed Spencer’s waist and twisted them to the side with the ease of swatting a fly.

The feeling was so overwhelming Spencer thought he might never be able to move again, and honestly, he didn’t want to. Standing there in the grip of that man was really all he’d been wanting for months now.

The only thing that pulled him out of his trance was the way Derek’s fingers lingered as he walked around to Spencer’s front, drifting down far enough to send a clear message, one that even Spencer couldn’t miss, but not far enough to be completely intrusive.

But Spencer wanted intrusive. He wanted nothing more than for Derek Morgan to invade his personal space to the point of no return.

He looked at the older man with shock and a burning question, but didn’t flinch or move back. Derek simply bit his lip and scanned Spencer up and down at what felt like a snail’s pace. He felt like a helpless deer being sized up by a lion for his next meal.

Spencer swallowed hard.

He’d been wanting nothing more than to be in this very same situation, or one of the multitudes of variations he’d created in his mind, but now that it was here could he really go through with it? Was it really the best idea? Did he really want this? No, he couldn’t.

But Spencer wasn’t known for being a good liar.

The only signal Derek needed was the simple nod of Spencer’s head.

And he got it.

Like a snake ready to strike, Derek brought his lips to Spencer’s in an instant. His questioning fingers had an answer, returning to their strong hold over Spencer’s hip bones.

Spencer knew what was happening was completely inappropriate, but couldn’t find the will to care. The man he’d been dreaming about, spending every waking and non-waking moment obsessing over, was actually interested in him too.

All his fantasies were flashing before his eyes, Derek’s muscles now completely exposed to him. He frantically pawed at him, trying to feel and memorize every millimeter of the beautiful body before him, like every inch was another drop of water in his achingly dry mouth.

“Hey, hey,” Derek whispered. “Patience. Not everything can happen at once, remember, one step at a time.”

Spencer took a moment to breathe and look into the warm eyes he’d been drowning in. Only for a moment, though, as he had a lot he wanted to do, starting with kissing his way down this man’s chest.

Derek laughed a little at Spencer’s impatience when he placed his hands on his broad shoulders and lips on his burning hot skin. He didn’t mind, though. Unexpectedly, the young man knew how to use his mouth. He couldn’t wait to explore that particular skill set some more.

Within the next few minutes, bodies were slammed into walls, forced to the ground, and pushed further down into the floor than was previously thought possible. The echo of the room only amplified the intoxicating sounds and the wall of windows overlooking the campus only increased the arousal.

Spencer would have a new appreciation for the musty smell and sweat induced humidity in the room from now on.

The tension for the remaining month before the NATs graduated was unbearable. Harold made sure to point out the nauseating amount of glances passed between the two men, but was respectful enough to not point it out to everyone. He tried to deny anything had happened, but Harold wasn’t having any of it and let Spencer know he was a lousy liar, something he definitely needed to work on.

Come graduation day when all NATs would be receiving their department assignments, Derek made sure to personally hand Spencer his.

He carefully opened the envelope and pulled out the sheet of paper with one bolded line reading: “Behavioral Analysis Unit.”

Spencer immediately looked up and locked eyes with Derek. He simply smirked in return.

Maybe his fantasy of having something more with the agent would become a reality after all.

Taglist

@90spumkin

#criminal minds fanfic #derek x spencer #moreid #dr spencer reid fanfic #derek morgan fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds fanfiction #cm #spencer reid #reid #derek morgan #morgan

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depressing-debbie · 3 years

Note

Fluff alphabet for eren please!! I love your writing :)

Thank you!! I haven't written for Eren very much, but I'll do my best!! <3

Post time skip!!

As always, I'm using the prompt by @snk-warriors

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

His favorite activity would probably be late night driving, either blasting music or just enjoying the quiet. For special occasions, he’d get reservations at a nice restaurant or maybe set up a fancy candlelit dinner himself (as long as he didn’t make the food). In general, he really just wants to be around his SO.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

I think he first noticed his SO’s eyes, and more particularly, the emotion and spirit in them. He loves watching when they’re passionate and their eyes light up, he thinks it’s absolutely stunning. He just loves the fire in their personality.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He would be a bit uncomfortable or at least unsure at first, but we all know he has his fair share of experience with this himself. So, he would really just wrap them up in his arms and sit with them silently, his way of protecting them. Once they were calmed down a bit, he would ask if they want to talk about it or just keep sitting together, and he’d be happy to do either if it means not having to see them upset.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

He doesn’t really have any plans for the future. He knows that he can’t make any guarantees about what’s going to happen, and it scares him a bit to think about making plans that he can’t fulfill. When he thinks about the future, all he really sees is him and his SO together, whatever that means, and it’s enough to make him happy.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

For the most part, he’d be somewhat dominant in the relationship, wanting to protect his SO. But there are also times where he just needs to go with the flow, be held and reminded that everything will be alright. So in that way, it’s somewhat equal.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He has a bit of a temper, but not in any way that really matters. They probably bicker sometimes about small things, but he doesn’t really hold grudges, and he’d never instigate a fight about something important.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He’s incredibly grateful for his SO and everything they’ve done for him. He knows he’s lucky to be with them, and he reminds them constantly of how lucky he is and how much he appreciates them.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

I’m honestly not sure. He wants to be completely honest with them, absolutely, but he has trouble being totally vulnerable like that. He would never keep secrets that could genuinely hurt their relationship, but he’s also probably not completely honest about some of his past and his experiences. Maybe over time he would feel comfortable enough to share it with his SO, but he might just not want to talk about it.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

His SO absolutely inspired him. He’s a bit of a pessimist by nature, and being with them, he slowly starts to let himself see the good in everything, and maybe even have hope for the future. Knowing that he has someone supporting him, and that he was lucky enough to find someone so amazing, helps him to become just a bit more optimistic.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He does get jealous sometimes, to be honest. He knows how amazing his SO is, and it makes him uncomfortable to watch other guys notice it as well. He only steps in if they look uncomfortable, at which point he will literally scare the other person away. He trusts his SO, so he would never get mad at them or start to doubt them.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Eren likes to live in the moment, and their first kiss reflected that. He probably thought about it for a little while leading up, but he didn’t have any kind of solid plans. He just looked over that them one day and thought about how stunning they are, and decided that it was the right moment. He absolutely asked if he could kiss them, and didn’t lean in until they agreed. It was small, but passionate and loving. He’s a great kisser, and it becomes a very regular thing in their relationship.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

He shows his appreciation for them constantly, but actually saying the words “I love you” would be really hard for him at first. He waits a bit longer than most people would, but that just means that when he does say it, they know he means it, one hundred percent. He probably wasn’t planning to say it when he did, it just made sense in the moment.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

The idea of marriage scares him a bit, to be honest. He’s absolutely committed to his SO, but he’s afraid of getting married without having any idea what’s going to happen in his future. In the end, though, especially if his SO wants to, he would absolutely want to get married. He’d plan a very romantic proposal with roses, maybe even somewhere more public if he thinks his SO would be comfortable with it. There probably wouldn’t be much of a change in their relationship after getting married, but he would secretly enjoy the added little domestic dynamic of getting to call each other a spouse.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

He definitely calls them babe or sweetheart, maybe even “love” when he’s feeling particularly romantic. He also definitely has a joke nickname that he teases them with.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

It’s not actually very obvious when he’s starting to fall in love. He’s always affectionate with his SO, so they probably won’t notice much of a difference. And the other people around him definitely can’t tell because he would never talk about it. His SO is only going to find out when he decides it’s the right time to actually express his feelings.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He’s pretty upfront about it, and he loves getting to introduce his SO to his friends. And he’s not obnoxious about PDA, but a general low level of affection in public doesn’t bother him at all.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

He has a really sarcastic sense of humor, and it might even seem a little bit rude to other people, but his SO thinks it’s hilarious. They know he’s never serious, so the two of them go back and forth with witty comebacks and teasing jokes.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He’s very romantic, and I think it’s pretty equal between cliche and creative, but definitely leaning more towards cliche. He’s definitely a roses and candlelit dinner kind of guy, but he also just wants to make his SO happy, so he’d be more than willing to come up with something super creative to make them smile.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He will support his SO through absolutely anything. He doesn’t want to lie to them when they ask for his honest opinion, but he really does believe in them completely. He’s cheering them on no matter what, and he knows they’re going to succeed because they’re amazing.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He probably does want to spice things up a lot. They probably have some basic level of routine, but he gets pretty bored when he falls into a very specific set routine with his life, so he loves trying new things. He especially loves that he gets to try new things with his SO, because that’s just one more way that their life experiences intertwine.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He knows his SO completely, and he empathizes really deeply. He doesn’t always understand what’s happening in their brain, he’s not a mind reader, but he can usually tell how they’re feeling, and he knows how he can cheer them up.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

His relationship is really important to him. Once they reach a certain point in their relationship, he’s committed, one hundred percent. He allows himself to lean on them and depend on them being there. Losing them would be really hard for him.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He secretly loves taking pictures with his SO. If they tell him they want to take a picture, he’ll roll his eyes and tease them for being so caught up with social media, but it actually makes him happy. He likes having little memories together that he can physically keep with him and look back on later.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

He’s very affectionate. It’s pretty 50/50 on whether he would initiate cuddling or not, but he definitely enjoys it. He loves being physically close to his SO, and getting to put his arms around them to make them feel safe.

Y earning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

He’s really not a yearning type. He definitely misses them when they’re gone, but they’re both pretty busy in general, so it’s not out of the ordinary. He would want to check up on them while they’re gone, but otherwise, he’s just happy to give them a big hug when they get back and listen to all of their stories.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He is absolutely willing to do whatever it takes to keep their relationship strong and healthy. His priority is that his SO is happy, whatever that means.

#attack on titan headcanons #attack on titan #aot headcanons #aot #shingeki no kyojin headcanons #shingeki no kyojin #snk headcanons #snk #Eren Jaeger #eren yeager #snk eren #eren x reader #eren fluff #boyfriend eren #fluff alphabet

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vanilla-vivillon · 3 years

Text

Part two of Zoyalai kid as promised

Here’s part one- https://dablackdahlia.tumblr.com/post/650586205772201984/the-black-dahlia

Massive row spoilers

Prince Mycanae Juris Nazyalensky( My Kuh Nay Uh) was turning one years old

It was suprising how quickly he grew up

To Nikolai at least

For Zoya, who adored her son couldn’t wait for him to get older

For one thing while the baby didn’t cry to much at night (whitch was a blessing from the saints)

He couldn’t be Grisha tested

Most ravkans were tested around the age of seven though it varies

Myca was far to young

It was decided when he turned four he would be tested

And so the country was forced to wait four long years

Three more years to go Zoya thought to herself

Myca was an easy baby

That was what his doctors said

He barely if ever cried in the night and was sociable enough

Unlike Genya and David’s son Forrest Kostyk who from all of Zoyas interactions and everything Genya and David mentioned he was a nightmare

Constantly screaming

Hates to eat everything

And now that His teeth were a big enough size he started biting

She had gotten lucky

But Nikolai and her started talking about having more kids

And Zoya found she wanted more aswell

Nikolais pitch however would be far to amusing for her to not listen to

“Come on Zoya only children are the freaks in the playground!” Nikolai said gesturing incredulously

They just gotten Myca put to bed and were having much needed glasses of wine

He needed his rest for his birthday tomorrow

Even though they could’ve had many nannies take care of him that night, neither of them wanted that

Nikolai grew up like that and he wasn’t as close to his mother because of it.

Not to mention the old king was scarce most of his early upbringing

Zoya didn’t want that for Myca either

Of course with all of there duties they had to get some help but they always, always, made sure they put him to bed in the room across from there’s

“Nikolai I’m an only child” zoya retorted

“Touché, but what if something were to happen that Myca couldn’t become king? We would need another option!” Nikolai threw back

Nikolai having another realization

“Plus, it would’ve really helped me growing up to have a good sibling”

This was something Zoya thought about aswell

As a girl she wished for a baby sister

And so did her mother

Sabina had four miscarriages

The last one was the worst

She was safely in the third trimester when it happened

Sabina was distraught for weeks

And when she finally came to, she was different

Harder

Sadder

Meaner

And a couple years later marching Zoya down an aisle

“You know I’m already convinced Nikolai right?” Zoya laughed tired of this charade

Before Myca was born Zoya thought she’d have one

One child

One heir

But she had changed her mind and wanted more

Nikolai showed her a dazzling smile “perfect” he said with a kiss

Zoyas second pregnancy was different

Her morning sickness wasn’t as bad as her first

But a new thing has arrived

cravings

She was consuming unhealthy amounts of Ravkan chocolates

But nonetheless the baby’s due date was July eighth

The date came and passed

But it was nothing to be worried about

There was a lot of moments where they were like “this Is it, the babies coming” then nope

Zoya was 43 weeks pregnant

The baby would be post term

Nikolai would say this is a sign that this child was going to Be late for everything

A difference when Myca was born on the exact due date

But in the middle of the night July twenty second Zoya went into Labor

There second child was Prince Nazariy (Nah-Zuh-ree) Dominik Nazyalensky

He had Brown skin almost darker then Zoya’s and black hair

But it was his eyes that captivated people

He had sectoral heterochromia

His Blue eyes like his Mothers had parts of brown (example below)

They decided on his middle name after Nikolais friend Dominick after some rigorous debate

Zoya wanted to continue with Saint middle names

Nikolai argued Juris was a personal friend

In the end with Nikolais charisma he won

His name Nazariy was actually found in a simple baby book

While Mycanae was in old ravkan and they liked the nickname Myca

They were much more lax with there second son

They eventually decided to have four kids but wanted to wait until Myca would get tested before having there next two children

Time skip three years because your girl can’t detail everything

Myca was four years old and today was the day

He was dressed in his best clothes

What would happen is he would go up in front of the entirety of the Ravkan nobility and other ambassadors and such and would get tested

Zoyas power still couldn’t sense anything in him or Nazariy, but a couple months prior Forrest Kostyk was revealed to be an Alkemi

It seemed that when the grisha first used there ability it activates something and typically Zoya could sense it

Because now Zoya could see Forrest as an Alkemi easily

So while she couldn’t sense anything in her sons that didn’t mean there was nothing there

Zoya and Nikolai had finally gotten most of the details finished and it was them, Nazariy and Myca, and the triumvirate working out some details in the meeting room

Well, Nazariy was pretending he was a squaller by blowing on some paper

And Myca was clearly trying to convince him that wasn’t how it worked

It seemed Myca hadn’t quite grasped his two year old little brother couldn’t care less about what he thought

A fact that would never change over the years

“I don’t understand why we don’t just test him right here right now?” Adrik insisted for the ninth time “less risk”

“And then what if he turns out to be Grisha but presented before the nobility nothing happens? The grisha test only works when they just start out” Tamar responded

“It could still work in front of the nobility” Adrik insisted

“And if all else fails we can just tell him to summon a gust” Tolya added

Tolya was fiercely protective of the boys

It probably started when a couple months ago Myca showed a vague interest in his favorite Poet and the friendship bloomed

“Tolya most summoners can’t summon until days of practice” Leoni interjected “Plus, we’ve made plans on all outcomes and it’s to late to change them now, look on the bright si-”

“Nazariy spit that out!” Zoya interupted

Apparently the little hellhound put one of David’s nails in his mouth

Nazariy, learning his mother wasn’t to be trifled with quickly on, spit it out

Back to the conversation they started on a topic healthy debated

“There’s no way the kid is Grisha!” Adrik started on

“But Adrik he hasn’t gotten sick. And Grisha dont get sick to!” Leoni countered

This back and forth started since Zoya announced her pregnancy

It was a headache really

But when she turned towards the three boys who had come to mean the world to her it was all worth it

Nikolai was with the boys and was apparently taking on Nazariy’s side claiming him blowing on the paper was just as credible as Mommy’s lightning

Myca fought back and claimed any otkaxatsya could do that

It was something happening more often

Myca makes an offhand statement and Nikolai fighting the other side

It was adorable really how Mycas eyes would light up and debate with his father

Plus it would make him think more critically and would make a good king out of him

Not to mention how it really helped Nikolai and him bond

Nikolai and him had some trouble sometimes

Myca doesn’t usually respond to jokes

It seemed after his silly and rambunctious troublemaker of a brother was born he decided he would have to be serious enough for the both of them

Or at least as serious as a four year old could be

But rigourous debate on whether or not green looked good on Nazariy was something they both seemed to enjoy

And as much as Zoya wished she could watch forever it was time

Time to see if her baby boy had certain talents

Myca was scared

He was behind the door waiting to be presented before his mother, father, brother, who would all be seated on the thrones, and of course the rest of the nobility

‘People like you Myca!’ Nikolai would insist ‘there’s nothing to worry about no matter what happens!’

Myca thought he was trying to alleviate the pressure but it wasn’t working

Suddenly his que to come In was called and he walked in

Head held high and posture immaculate he waltzed through the door

The person who was testing him was the Baron of Banewood

An old man who hated nonsense, children, and Prince Nazariy since he was both of those things

He came forward and after some very boring speeches that Myca couldn’t bring himself to listen to until the Baron told him to stick out his hand

Myca complied and the baron produced a very big pin

Guess everyone wanted to be really sure he was Grisha or not

His eyes wandered to his family

Theyre faces looked calculatingly impassive

He knew it was a front

They needed to seem stable for the people

Nazariy who was standing next to the throne was having difficulties standing still

Myca felt bad for him

Half of being royalty is sitting still looking pretty

He trained his eyes back on his parents and saw his father give him a small wink

I got this, I’m prepared for the result, I can do this

As the pin was stabbed into his skin Myca felt it

That calling

That thing begging to come out whenever he saw his Mother doing something grand

Or when he really wanted his brother to leave him alone

And Myca let it overcome him

When he opened his eyes he could see the Baron knocked over and a small breeze

A firm hand clamped his shoulder

“Congratulations Mycanae” Tolya started dragging him away from the scene where the nobility were discussing the scene “Your a Squaller”

Hey so part two of the Zoyalai kid as promised. This was originally gonna be longer but then It became a 230 word monster and i cut it down and will save the rest for part three

35 likes and I’ll make part three

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unnecessarywriting · 3 years

Text

Rainy Day Confessions - Harry Potter

Harry Potter x reader

A/N: I am happy to be back writing here. Please let me know what you think and send me requests. I have changed the list so check before you request. Thank you!! Also no Cho hate here, it just fit for the storyline.

Rainy Day Confessions

You know, crushing on someone is harsh. The heart beats harder in your chest at every glance; your cheeks heat up at the sound of a laugh. When your eyes meet, you forget the most basic instinct: to breathe. When it is one-sided, it’s more painful. Each glance is just passing; each laugh is because of someone else. Even the meeting of irises and pupils is just coincidence. These thoughts pass though your head and cause the ache that weighs on your soul. His eyes shine like emeralds, and his laugh is the hum of an innocent bee. Of course these observations are some that many have made before me. Most of these others have been more successful on their advances at staking claim to the one their hearts belong too.

Monday has consisted of classes with the one who you have been falling for. He, of course, thought that talking back to the pink toad herself was wise and wound up in another detention. You sat in the back of the class waiting patiently for her insufferable voice to stop screeching in your ears. You were doodling on your parchment when she made her way to your desk.

“Miss Y/L/N!”

You looked up in annoyance and surprise.

“If you are so insistent on not paying attention in my class, you can spend time reflecting in detention tonight.” Of course you had detention with her, and of course it had to be with him.

The end of class came with the end of the day, which meant that detention was awaiting you. You walked towards the pink hell, and awaited for your courage to knock on the door. Her shrill voice told you to come in, and as you entered, your heart dropped. You were alone. Never had you been alone with this woman before, and that was enough to strike fear into your body. Silently, you sat at the table, and in front of you sat the infamous quill. You had detention with her once before, and you could recall the pain it that quill can cause. You sat in silence until you heard a knock at the door. He walked in and sat across from you with a matching quill.

“Mr. Potter, you shall write ‘I shall not talk back’ and Ms. Y/L/N, you shall write ‘I shall not be distracted’ until the messages sink in.” The both of you nodded and began to work.

A half an hour passed, and the first drop of blood fell from your hand. Another twenty minutes passed before you were both let free. You walked slightly faster, hoping you could make it to your dorm before any tears fell. You weren’t sad, just in pain. Harry tried to keep up with your pace. You could tell as the sound of his footsteps increased.

“Y/L/N! Hold on a minute.” You slowed down at the sound of your name. You didn’t respond, you just slowed your steps.

“Are you okay?” He sounded sincere, but you knew he would be this way with anyone who shared that experience with him.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Now, I kinda need to get to my dorm and start working on that potions essay. Goodnight Potter.” How you wanted to use his first name, but you weren’t close enough for that.

As you made your way into your dorm room, you wanted to hit yourself on the head for being so dismissive. You weren’t nervous about talking to Harry, you just didn’t want him to see your vulnerable side. The last thing you wanted was for the boy you were crushing on to pity you and think that you were weak. Alas, there is nothing you could do about it. That night you went to bed with a few tear stains, and a throbbing hand.

The next morning you woke up feeling a little defeated. The events of the night before still weighing in your mind. You got up and pulled yourself to breakfast with the promise of some delicious jam. You sat alone. You had friends, plenty of them in fact, but you just wanted to enjoy some solitude and be left to your drowsy thoughts. Throughout your time at breakfast, you felt eyes on you. Quite frankly, you wished it was your crush, but there was no way he would feel the same. It turns out you were right. Before you left the great hall to make your way to Charms class, you glanced around the hall and saw the eyes of those that bore into your skull. It was none other than Hermione Granger. Why she was watching you was unbeknownst to you, but you didn’t want to dwell on it.

Charms class was interesting and fun. It allowed you to focus on something other than your own thoughts. Flitwick was always a joy to be around, and he gave you a lot of house points as you often excelled. The only real competition you had was Hermione in this class, but she didn’t seem to mind that you were great in that class. As the class was ending, your brain started to go back to the events of the nights before. You felt a little guilty about being so dismissive, and your hand was still in pain. You decided that you should apologize to Harry at dinner.

A few hours later you walked into the hall with confidence, but as soon as you saw him with his friends at the Gryffindor table, you panicked and walked in the other direction. You sat at the table thinking about when to talk to him, and what to say. Eventually, your thoughts were interrupted by a tap on your shoulder.

“Harry told me about your detention last night. Are you sure you’re alright?” It was Hermione.

“Yeah Granger. I’ll be fine. My hand still hurts, but it’ll heal eventually.” You offered her a small smile.

“Well, I just wanted to make sure. We both know how evil that toad is. Harry was also worried about you.” She gave a cheeky smile as if to tell me she knew all of my secrets.

“Actually Hermione,” this was your chance, “can you actually tell Harry I’m sorry for being so rude last night? I’ve been feeling pretty guilty about it, and I really don’t want him to think it was about him. I honestly was just overwhelmed.” You looked down, slightly ashamed that you couldn’t just say that to him yourself.

“You know, you could always tell him yourself.” She gave you a knowing look. “But, I guess I can do you this favor. Enjoy the rest of your evening, and don’t hesitate to come over to us next time.” She offered a playful wink and walked back to where Ron and Harry sat. Of course she noticed your feelings. Clearly, you have been a bit too obvious.

The next day came too fast. And it went almost as quickly. After dinner, you wandered the halls before curfew. You contemplated going to the astronomy tower, but you thought that was too obvious. Someone was most likely there, and it was most likely Malfoy himself. You decided to enjoy the fall weather and wandered the courtyard. Eventually you sit down by a tree and just close your eyes. The silence was rejuvenating. The chaos of classes and the continued noise in the common room often left little time for relaxation. This was the best way to decompress. Not too long later, a cough brought you to your senses.

“You know, your dorm may be a better place to sleep. You’re also less likely to get sick.” I knew exactly who it was. I sighed and kept my eyes close. Maybe if I don’t look at him, I can keep my composure.

“At least here, I don’t have to listen to the first and second years experimenting with Weasley products. Plus, the weather is perfect for a nap. I could sleep the rest of the year away, and I might as well if the pink toad is going to be around.” We sat in silence for a moment. Eventually, Harry spoke up.

“How’s your hand? You were bleeding a lot.” I let out an empty laugh in response.

“I’m heavy-handed I guess. How’s yours?” I heard a shifting noise next me, but I didn’t think twice about it.

“As well as to be expected. Listen, you had nothing to apologize for. I get it, she can be a lot. By the way, you call me Harry. There’s no reason for formalities.” At this point I could feel his eyes on me.

“Well, it’s not like we’re really friends,” I countered.

“You call Hermione by her first name, and I didn’t think you were friends either,” he pushed.

“I talk to her. More than I talk to you. If it’s any consolation I would probably refer to Ron as Weasley, well, maybe not if he was surrounded by the twins too.” I started to get up, but I felt his hand lightly grab my wrist.

“Then call this the start of a friendship. Now, you have no reason to not call me by my name.” I shook my head in response and began to walk away.

“Goodnight Potter,” I murmured to myself, but Harry heard it with a small smile on his face.

When Thursday came around, you felt great. Of course, your hand was still sore, but emotionally you felt good. You had managed to keep your emotions in check when talking to Harry last night, and you even managed to act a little more like yourself. On your way to the great hall for breakfast, you had a bit of pep in your step. You made your way to the table when you noticed that Harry was sitting over by where you were known to sit. Hermione and Ron were in their usual spots, but they were constantly looking over at Harry with smirks plastered on their faces.

“Should I even bother asking why you’re here Potter?”

“Well, I think I should sit with my new friend, don’t you?” He was too cocky for his own good.

You shook your head in response. Maybe he won’t end up developing the same type of emotions for you, but the least you can do is make a friend out of him. Your chats that morning were friendly. Your heart continued to beat a little harder in your chest, but you did the best you could to keep your emotions in check. Throughout the day, you would catch Harry around you. Sometimes he was in the same room, or you were just passing by each other more often, but he became more prominent in your daily activities.

You were spending more time with him, and his friends in the weeks following. Hermione made a good study partner, and Ron was actually pretty funny to be around, but you couldn’t get past these feelings in your chest whenever you looked at Harry or heard his voice. You were grateful to have a friendship with him at all, but the more you got to know about him, the harder you started to fall. At some point, you even considered a mutual interest, but that was soon crushed.

Cho Chang. A better match for Harry. You knew that he had some interest in her the year prior, but you thought that it was over. How wrong you were. It was a Hogsmeade day, and you looked forward to spending the day with some of your other friends. Fun was the best way to describe the first part of your trip. You made the necessary stops at Honeydukes and Zonko’s, and then you made your way to the Three Broomsticks for some Butterbeer. Things were going great. Your conversations were lively and it was nice to not have to push away your emotions. It wasn’t until you looked over your shoulder that your heart stopped. No, not in the good way, where everything around you stops too and everything suddenly gains meaning. No, this was the time that you hoped that it would never start again. The two of them sat, with butterbeers and laughs. Her hand on his arm, his smile bright. You turned back to your friends and painted a smile to your face. Just make it through the day.

When you finally got back to the dorm, you sat on your bed and looked at the wall. You weren’t thinking, just feeling. Should you go to dinner? That was the question that ate away at you for an hour. You opted that it would only make sense to go and ignore the voice in the back of your head that reminded you of all of your insecurities. So, you wandered through the halls until you reached the great hall. You took a deep breath and walked over to your friends from earlier. This earned three pairs of eyes to stay glued to your presence. The past few weeks, you spent your meals with the trio, but today, you couldn’t bring yourself to sit with them. Dinner was uneventful, thankfully, and you made your way back to the dorms where you would stay until Monday.

Your first class was History of Magic, and you chose to focus intently on the lesson. This continued in all of your classes, until you entered Defense Against the Dark Arts. Your head hurt from your thoughts trying to sting at the hippocampus of your brain. The pink toad’s ramblings eventually set you off. You got up without a word and walked out of the class. When she asked where you were going, you replied, “Anywhere else but here,” which she responded with, “Tonight, my office.” You figured detention was going to happen. It was inevitable, but you could care less at this point. You had been trying so hard to turn off your head and your emotions, that it didn’t matter what was going to happen.

That night, Umbridge held you for longer than normal. She must’ve been very angry with your sudden departure. When you left her office, your hand was dripping onto your uniform. You made your way to your common room, as silently as you could. That night, you could only think of and feel the pain from your hand.

The next morning, your hand was still bleeding. There was nothing you could do about it other than wrapping it up. At breakfast you sat alone, until he appeared in front of you.

“Do you wanna tell me what’s been wrong?” He sounded almost accusatory.

“I would rather eat my breakfast. Alone.” He flinched at your tone, but he didn’t move. Instead, he looked at your bandaged hand, where the blood seeped through the white cloth. He sighed knowing how bad the pain must be. You both ate in silence, until Cho Chang made her way to where you two were. You chose to block out her annoyingly nice voice. It was clear she was flirting, and Harry was clearly falling into her words. You got up and left as quickly as possible and went to charms.

Another week passed, except the trio had done everything they could to get you to go back to being friends with them. You studied with Hermione occasionally, but you cut your sessions short when she started questioning your behavior. One night, however, you took a break and started wandering the halls. Somehow, he found you. You sat, looking out the window in peace, when he caught your attention.

“You know, it’s unfair that you think you can just play with people’s emotions.” You were caught off guard by his statement. You stayed silent, however, not knowing how to respond.

“I thought we were friends Y/N. We had so much fun together, and I actually enjoyed spending time with you. You’re amazing to talk to, and you’re pretty funny too, which makes this all so confusing. Why? Why won’t you talk to me? To Ron? You barely talk with Hermione anymore. This is just selfish. If you didn’t want to be friends, you should’ve just said so. It would’ve saved us all the time.” He went to walk away after you didn't respond.

“Is that all I am to you? A waste of your time? You’re right. I was being selfish, but so were you.” You looked him in the eyes, and your heart started to tear itself into pieces. He was hurt, confused, and it appeared to you that he was disgusted with the sight of you. You walked away before any tears could fall.

What you didn’t know is that Hermione and Ron were watching this encounter from afar. To Hermione, it was clear what happened. Ron was unaware. That night in the common room, Hermione explained her thoughts to the boys. You liked Harry. That was clear to her before you became friends, and Harry had developed feelings for you along the way. But why did you back off? That was the question that needed some investigation. By the morning, Hermione figured out what happened. She tried to explain it to Harry, but he denied his feelings for the girl, but with some persuasion, he considered it as a possibility. He didn’t have time to really think about what she meant to him because he had quidditch practice.

You, on the other hand, were stuck in a place of guilt. You hurt him. You were selfish. If he wanted answers, then he should get them, but you owed it to yourself to get closure. You made a plan that required some confidence, and what you could only describe as pure stupidity.

The day consisted of heavy rainfall, but Angelina Johnson was not about to cancel quidditch practice. She had a reputation to live up to, and their first game of the season was coming up. This meant, though, that there was no one dumb enough to sit out in the rain and watch them practice. Almost no one. You had a mission, so you attended the Gryffindor practice, and stayed hidden in the quidditch stands. When practice was ending, you saw the players leaving the pitch, but you saw that Harry was falling behind. This is where you swallowed your dignity, and calmed all of your nerves.

“Harry James Potter!” You yelled as loud as you could. The rain continued to pour down as he found the source of his name.

“You want answers? Well here they are. I like you, hell I may even love you. You hear me? And, I know that you couldn’t possibly feel the same way about me, but I needed to say it. You said that I am selfish. Well, you’re right. I am, and now our friendship is ruined forever because I was jealous and stupid.” You took a deep breath. “If you weren’t the Harry Potter, maybe I would have some sort of a chance, but that’s not the world we live in. In this moment, this very moment, I am just a girl yelling at a boy in the rain because I feel so much for you. I’m sorry, but you deserve the truth.” With that, you left the boy speechless on the pitch. Rain continued to fall, but he didn’t move.

You ran. You ran so fast, that you weren’t even sure if it was real. You were soaked. From head to toe, and you had just made a fool out of yourself. You don’t know how, but you managed to get to your dorm without too many questions. The next morning, you opted out of breakfast at the great hall. Instead, you ate some of the sweets you had bought from Honeydukes. You avoided everyone like the plague. It wasn’t until the Weasley twins made their way to where you were hiding out, that you had any social interaction.

“Well, if it isn’t Ms. Y/L/N!”

“What do you know? Is this where you have been hiding?”

“What do you two want?” They must have heard your confession. They are on the team, and they can be pretty nosy when they want to be.

“No need to be so rude.”

“Yeah, we were just here to tell you that Harry is looking for you, and well-”

“He will find you, so you may want to do a better job of hiding.” Although they probably had negative intentions, you were grateful for their intel, so you got up, thanked them and moved elsewhere.

You were walking around when you found yourself in the courtyard. You remembered the night that you and Harry became friends. You sat down, tired of all of the running and wandering you had done all day.

“It only took me the whole day to find you.”

“And yet, you didn’t get the hint. Look Harry, I don’t want to talk t-”

“Then just listen. You said enough yesterday.” You lowered your head and thought of how to escape.

“Y/N, I have been cruel and clueless. Hermione told me that you liked me long before we became friends. I should’ve seen it, but I guess I’m pretty oblivious to some things. I thought I liked Cho, but I think a part of me wanted to console her after losing Cedric. I don’t think she even knows what she wants, but I know that I have missed you so much these past few weeks. And yesterday, when you told me how you felt, I couldn’t help but feel something. I asked Hermione about it and she is sure that I like you too, and you know what, it’s probably true. Not probably, it is true. I know I’m rambling, but Y/N Y/L/N I want to be with you!” He stopped and watched your expressions.

Your eyes looked up and found his eyes, desperate for a response. You slowly walked towards him and placed your hand on his cheek and pulled him into a shy kiss. You pulled away quickly with a slight blush, feeling embarrassed. It wasn’t until he pulled you back into him that you truly understood his words. You leaned your forehead into his and whispered, “What are you waiting for?”

#Harry potter x reader #harry potter imagine #harry potter #ron weasly imagine #ron weasly x reader #ron weasley #draco malfoy imagine #hogwarts #quidditch #hermione granger

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