#and through time and space and your internet connection i really hope you are able to feel it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thaenad · 2 months

Note

Hey. I love your work so much on your other blog (and have even sent anons there) but since this one is more feedism-related than fat lib related I figured I’d send it here, I hope that’s okay.

Do you have any recommendations for people with this kink who are so deeply ashamed by it that they haven’t been able to tell anyone about it their entire lives? I’m alloace and never had a partner partially because the only sense of sexuality I have is this kink and I have always felt like that makes it almost impossible to truly connect with a partner without knowing 100% they’re into it beforehand. And yet, I have so much social anxiety that I hardly meet people period and given the shame surrounding this kink I kind of assume anyone who I’d really click with would never tell me they were also interested in this and wanted me to feed them unless we’re already in a relationship. I can’t even be open and honest with friends about it because I’m terrified of their judgement especially because I AM so pro-fat lib and have been so vocally around them and I dunno. U saw all those anons u got lol.

I dunno I’ve just resigned myself to never having that kind of intimacy but it’s hard sometimes when I know deep down that it’s what I want. Do you have any recommendations for what I can do to start being more open and honest about my sexuality and hopefully feel a lot less ashamed? (For the record I am very sex-positive, for everyone but me if that makes sense. Lmao.)

Hey there anon, it's absolutely okay! I'd love to have more of these conversations with fellow feedists on this blog, especially since it's a much safer space for all of us.

Oof. I just wanna reach through the screen and give you a great big hug. I can completely relate to what you're going through right now (also as an alloace). I struggled with the exact same fears before coming out to anyone 5-ish years ago. It's so hard to feel like you have to hide or deny such a big part of who you are, and I hope you're doing okay. Just sending me this ask is a great step towards self acceptance, because connecting with other people who get it can help so much. If you need to talk, my inbox and dms are always open. ❤️

I will say the most monumental step for me was talking about it out loud with someone. Although the shame may cause paranoia, I promise that you can tell your best friend and they will still love you. Yes, the backlash from fat libbers on the internet is scary, but they don't know us, we're just a concept to them. The people who know you already know that you are not a predator. The people who know you know your intentions are good, they love you, and they want to support you. If they listen to you with compassion when you express yourself other times, they will listen with compassion when you talk about this.

The fact that you are passionate about fat liberation means you have already crossed the biggest obstacle when it comes to self acceptance for feedists: knowing that there is nothing wrong with fatness. Most people take their entire lives to discover that fact (or never do), and you are already there. And from what it sounds like, you are surrounding yourself with fat positive friends. That's huge. Take a minute to celebrate yourself for that.

If you decide to open up about being a feedist to anyone, be selective. Fat positive people are safer because they already understand the basics. They already know you're passionate about fat lib, being a feedist won't negate that, it will make sense. Most people actually have no idea what feedism is, so you might have the chance to explain it for the first time in a way that is positive, and that can be incredibly validating and empowering.

The person you share this with will know how hard it is for you. The first time I opened up to my best friend about it, I wept on her shoulder. Nothing changed between us except I felt seen and supported, and now she sends me posts with food and teases me about fat guys, and we laugh about it, like she would with any friend. It's made me feel so much more close to normal.

If that feels impossible right now, that's okay. Keep talking to feedists online, keep seeking community. I had to make friendships with feedists years before I could even imagine telling my own friends. The more normal you feel, the less scarier it gets.

It can be really, really hard. I ended up seeking therapy because I was struggling so much with shame. I knew I needed it, but for years I put it off because I didn't know if I could trust a therapist, I thought they might diagnose me with a sexual disorder and try to give me conversion therapy! Needless to say, that was the shame talking. Fear can cause our minds to heighten things out of proportion. It also took years of conversations out loud with a friend or two to finally be able to talk about it in a therapy setting. This shit takes time. After I discovered fat liberation, flung myself into the research and dissolved some of my own fatphobia (the BIGGEST step of all!) I ended up searching for a fat-positive, kink-conscious therapist, and guess what? They exist! They are 100% sex positive, understand the principle of bodily autonomy and that health does not determine a person's worth, and will remind you of those things over and over. I still see my therapist, they've always been in my corner cheering me on. They've helped me through the shame and fear, and they've helped me navigate my sexual & romantic relationships as a feedist. It's one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself.

Here's a post I made on how to find feedist-friendly therapists.

"I have always felt like that makes it almost impossible to truly connect with a partner without knowing 100% they’re into it beforehand."

I feel the exact same way. It was so isolating and horrifying before I realized that I don't have to date non-feedists. I know this is something that will likely take a LOT of healing first, but I want to share my experience just so that you can see what a potential future looks like. First I tried dating on feabie, got into my first relationship, but it ended very badly for me. Again, it took a long time, but eventually, once I knew my self worth, knew that there are lots of people out there who will be into what I'm into, and could spot red flags, I was able to disclose my preference for feedism on regular dating apps. I didn't care what strangers thought. Some people asked me what it was all about, politely expressed that it wasn't for them, and we parted ways. It is such a relief to have potential partners know I'm a feedist up front. I eventually met my current partner and the love of my life on Hinge. I had feedism in my profile and he sent me a message saying, "hey! I'm into that too." If a feedist relationship is something you feel like you can't live without, I want you to know that it's possible for you. If you tell people what you're looking for, they will come. You'd be so, so suprised. But it takes a while to get there. The fact that you want it for yourself is huge, and I am so proud of you for reaching out for support.

Take it from someone who lied awake every night in agony, crying and worrying and wishing I just had someone out there to tell me that it was going to be okay.

Please know this, dear heart:

It's going to be okay. ❤️

#feed the inbox #self acceptance #community #conversations #kink positive #feedism community #feedism kink

37 notes · View notes

animehouse-moe · 9 months

Note

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks....

You're all good! This is the first time I've been asked this. I'm usually terrible with favorites so I always feel like I don't pick the "best" in hindsight, but I'll try to be as accurate as possible. These will also be in no particular order since they all occupy such different areas.

(edit: I just realized in my incredible morning brain state that this said male or female, but I only read the female part haha. So this is just the female lineup, I guess).

Iwakura Lain - Serial Experiments Lain

Lain's a character that has, and will always remain enigmatic. Subjectivity and personal experience remain intertwined with works like Serial Experiments Lain, so what each individual takes away from it will change. Personally, what makes me love Lain is her desperation to communicate, to connect with the people around her. To make friends, to do fun things with them, to understand the people that comprise her life. But that desire spirals, she gets absorbed (like so many do) and becomes something else entirely. Fracturing and separating herself, spreading those instances across the internet in a desperate way to connect. For existing prior to essentially all forms of social media, it depicts the struggle and addiction that trouble countless people in freakishly accurate fashion.

Iwakura Mitsumi - Skip and Loafer

Had to put them next to each other on this list haha. Iwakura Mitsumi though. I don't hate the approach of a lot of Shojosei in terms of high school slice of life/romance, but I find much more to love with the more grounded ones than the more fantastical, just a personal preference. Anyways, Mitsumi. She's just the perfect representation of high school life. A dash of confidence, a good bit of deep seated anxiety, lots of stress over school and friends, but a positive and hopeful outlook in spite of her stumbling and struggles that's wonderfully accented by blossoming feelings of love. She just occupies a space that is very rare these days, so of course I love her.

Ryougi Shiki - The Garden of Sinners

Okay, hot take since (spoiler) Saber's not going to be on the list. I just haven "completed" Saber's story if that makes sense. I've read a lot, experienced a lot, but I haven't gotten 100% of it like I have with Shiki. That said, Shiki's story. I mean, as a character they're so damn hard to really capture. After all, there's more than one of them, and their story is told through the experiences of others. Shiki as a character, and The Garden of Sinners as a series, just holds a special place in my heart as Nasu's first real creative work that remains untethered by the requirements of a visual novel. If Nasu's work on the VNs is the base level, then The Garden of Sinners stands a cut above from start to finish.

Hatsuseno Alpha - Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou

A robot that is startlingly human, but surprisingly childlike. Alpha was is just the perfect vehicle to experience YKK through. Vast understanding and interest, but meaningful naivete and curiosity. She explores a world peacefully accepting its death, and is able to pull such beautiful moments from it. She doesn't struggle or bemoan the end, but rather takes it in stride and focuses on the beauty of humanity, how it's adapted, what's been lost and what's been created in its stead. It brings it all together under this character that is so deeply passionate about exploring life even under these circumstances, that you can't help but feel an indescribable warmth in her story.

Biwa - Heike Monogatari

Okay, maybe I'm cheating a little bit with Biwa here, but it's just a character that I think is incredibly beautiful. Witnessing the murder of her father, she's taken in by a clan doomed to death, where a man possesses a similar ability to Biwa. Together, she struggles to create the family she never had, all the while forced to come to terms with their deaths. She fights tooth and nail to keep them alive, but her attempts are futile. In the end, she is given her adoptive father's ability and completes what one might call the "cycle". Seeing life and death, the eternal struggle that will never change, she experiences her life, her family, her future and past to its fullest, and commits her life to telling the story of the Heike that she was so fond of. It's a beautiful story centered around Biwa's experiences, and her fear of death and not having a family, truly wonderful stuff. Also Aoi Yuuki kills it as Biwa.

Kusanagi Motoko - Ghost In The Shell

This was baby's first big kid series for me. I'd always watched anime here and there, but mostly things like Bleach/Naruto/DBZ. Ghost in The Shell was the first really big series I'd dip my toes into via those 4 minute YouTube videos at 480p. Kusanagi's nature as the bridge between technology and humanity is endlessly explored and just such a great idea, that through the countless (good) iterations, there's a wealth of her to experience. Undoubtedly an iconic series, and one that's certainly remembered very fondly by me.

Kirigoe Mima - Perfect Blue

Mima's an incredible character driven to the psychological breaking point. Under the scrutiny and pressure of being an idol, the facade begins to crack and what seeps out from the gaps is nothing short of incredible. Satoshi Kon remains a wizard in what he did with his works, and for me, Mima's character in Perfect Blue is the pinnacle of that. An implicit story of the stress and strain placed on idols (and the entertainment industry at large) by those that string them up and sell the souls of these girls, Perfect Blue and Mima remain in a realm of their own in a lot of ways.

Nozomi - Sonny Boy

Well as they say, the proof is in the pudding, and the pudding in this case is Nozomi's name. Translating from Japanese it means "wish" or "desire" in English, and is the personification of Nozomi's role in Sonny Boy. As close to a catalyst as one can be, she spurs on the wishes of the characters around her, providing the foundation for our main character Nagara to grow and develop. In the end, the desires of each individual can be connected to Nozomi, even in her death. She's arguably more central to the plot of Sonny Boy than Nagara, so of course I see her as a deeply special character.

Kamikoshi Sorawo - Otherside Picnic

A somewhat different pick to help round out the list. Sorawo Kamikoshi, and Otherside Picnic at large, are certainly things that I don't think most people would fall in love with. But I did. The vitriol that her character expresses, the toxicity and self hatred and destruction. Her character is a very damaging and "bad" one, but that's what I love about it. There's no grand scheme behind Sorawo's personality, or any ideal that her character chases. She follows the whims and curiosities of her life as she willingly casts herself into the abyss of the Otherside alongside Toriko, and along the way, she learns to slowly grow and improve as a person while maintaining her core personality.

Osaki Nana - Nana

The duality of Nana as a character is just so well done to me. A character with two sides isn't anything special, but I think the way that Yazawa approaches her as a character, and introduces those cracks in her façade and the struggle that they represent is just really, really good. It has me really desperate for Yazawa to return from hiatus and continue on with Nana.

And that's the list. I know I've left off characters like Tohru or other massively popular (and well written) leads and characters from shojosei series, but a lot of what I desire out of a character can't quite be found in a lot of what ends up popular and translated (and what I tend to remember) I feel. If you take a look at the list, for example, you'll find that the majority of my favorites are from older series, as well as ones that feature more "tragic" or "twisted" characters. Personally, I find a flower most beautiful after you've understood how it's wilted and withered before it fights to bloom once more. Endless blooms that grant an eternal summer are undeniably beautiful, but that beauty tends to lack context and in turn can become simplicity. So that's my list, as imperfect and everchanging as it is. If I'm asked once more in a year, it will probably look startlingly different, but that's how these things will go with me.

35 notes · View notes

makingspiritualityreal · 10 months

Text

Technology Used as a Spiritual Tool

The more time passes, the more people from younger generations join social media, we can observe the difference in how we use the Internet and how we perceive other people's Internet use.

I'm old enough to remember this shift, and I feel like it wasn't that long ago, that we felt like what we did online was such a public thing. If you had "a page" it was a big deal. If you expressed your self, your body, your opinions, your life, online, it would be perceived as an equivalent of joining a reality show. It was viewed as a call for attention, a desire for popularity.

Yet, when everyone does the same thing, it stops being unique. Nowadays the internet is just a space we connect in, where we break boundaries of geography, stereotypes and limitations. It's a free space, where you can be yourself, share your creations from physical life, or create new things in a more abstract dimension altogether. Having a certain number of followers is not really a big deal anymore, since it's not that uncommon.

It feels to me like it's something a lot of incarnated souls waited for. That avenue for freedom of expression, being able to connect with people through sharing a specific part of yourself. It takes the pressure off and makes us realise, how important it is to be able to show who you are and connect through that. It's not about performance and competition, but about discovering and being yourself.

It's a sad reality, but so many people since childhood are dumped in environments that completely don't understand them, don't recognise them and don't embrace their individuality. Realistically, that produces children that are bullied, ostracised, lonely, and grow up dysfunctional, like a plant that has been beaten into the ground instead of being watered. Connecting online may just save this child's life. It may provide refuge and a glimmer of hope, an avenue for the future, until they actually have the power to change their lives.

I was luckier myself in an earlier part of my life, and I had friends and family warmth as a child. But in my later years, there were moments when I felt completely isolated. It is not an exaggeration to say, that if it wasn't for people who at the time I knew exclusively online, I wouldn't have made it, because I had nobody else that cared about anything I was going through, or could offer enough energy or support in my tough time.

That's why I think it's so important to be real about what you project online, because how can someone really like you for who you are if you don't show it? I keep all my posts from my worse days, because I don't want the avenue I have for connecting with people to become a lie.

The Universe uses all tools available to it on our spiritual path of growth. Any technological advancements are definitely within the Divine Plan, and they may just be the source for completely revolutionizing your physical life too.

#making spirituality real #spiritual growth #spiritual journey #spirituality #spiritual awakening

19 notes · View notes

kafus · 2 years

Text

i am deeply appreciative of neocities for making website creating accessible to the common person and also young people/teenagers; it’s really unfortunate just how intimidating the indie web is otherwise, especially for anyone who hasn’t touched a single line of code before. even i still find a good chunk of it intimidating - i am not currently a front end developer, i have not gone to school for this stuff, and while i am constantly learning and growing, i am definitely not at the level many running indie websites are. one day i hope to be when i am mentally and physically well enough to further my education! even if not through the means of college.

that being said, i think if developers are able to take a step back and focus on making concepts and tools available to the general public without web development knowledge, the indie web could grow exponentially. it’s easy to see from the notes on my recent guide post that people WANT to escape the purgatory of social media but don’t know how to start and are relieved and motivated with even just the littlest push from a fellow HTML/CSS noob pointing them in the right direction. it’s not that people are happy where they are, but that they don’t even know where to begin, and googling only to be met with webdev jargon is, well, demotivating for the average person. neocities, at the very least, is overtly friendly and familiar - you sign up for it with an account similar to how you would a social media site and are presented with a cute cat mascot telling you that you can do it in a pre-set up file with HTML tags to give you an idea of what you’re getting into, and you’re instantly connected with hundreds of other people doing the same thing. i wish there was an equivalent feeling from trying to enter the indie web space literally anywhere else. not even basic wordpress services feel this straightforward.

social media is convenient and easy and while i don’t expect indie websites to ever be as straightforward, i do think we need to meet in the middle as a starting point, and neocities does a pretty good job of being that middle ground that anyone can get into the indie web through. it was my starting point, that i am currently still using even if i grow out of it at another time! i am hoping that eventually even more options and resources exist to make the process digestible and exciting to people, because i think everyone deserves to have control over their own space and content. i want having your own website to be more normalized and not some niche hobby that me and only a few other people partake in.

apologies if any of this is poorly worded, it is 7 in the morning and i’m talking out of my half-asleep, just woke up brain hahaha. don’t know what the point of this was, i just had the itch to talk. maybe i’ll put a more cleaned up ramble with a throughline message on my site when i’m on my computer later.

tldr; i think we need to get to a point where making your own website is a hobby anyone can take up without being a professional web developer, and where the basics of doing so are easily accessible for the layperson as an internet usage option even if they do not have an inherent interest in programming

#ayano was here #ayano.txt #neocities #indie web #this feels especially relevant as twitter crumbles right now #i think people want to escape more than ever

32 notes · View notes

daemonhxckergrrl · 9 months

Note

i think it should be illegal for landlords to have anything to do with home networking, nothing between tenants and their ISP. i had one landlord who, when we got fibre installed, added a network cable through the walls so we could plug our router in upstairs instead of in the downstairs entryway where the fibre connection came in. great! except he found some network cable that capped out at about 50Mbit/s over 15-20m or so. so about 5% of the gigabit plan we had.

i think it should be illegal for landlords. full stop. period.

all my utilities are included in rent (part of why i was able to afford this place back when i moved in), so it's my landlord's name on the internet bill. also i don't think we have any legal say in what type of smoke alarms are used (as long as the landlord ensures they meet regulations on the amount and placement), which means even if i did choose my ISP and set the router up myself i could still be forced to use all the smart home stuff if the landlord put nest smart alarms in the property. which they have. but they also sorted the networking. and the flat is rented as individual flats w/ communal areas (kitchen, bathrooms etc.) rather than a big flat w/ multiple bedrooms if that make sense and since the router is in the communal area (and would affect other tenants) i'm pretty sure touching it would be a breach of contract. so like there's multiple ways in which it's all fucked and you're so right. but it's not a situation that can be avoided or changed until i can move elsewhere :c

also that's fucked like obviously they picked the cheapest cable that had the right connectors on it and ignored the rated speed bc hey it's not their problem (though if you were paying for gigabit separate to your rent and an action on your landlord's part caused you to not get that full speed, there may have been recourse to challenge them about it ? depends on what was in your contract).

another thing our landlord did is whenever there's an issue that we report and they (eventually) fix, they then like to micromanage us as tenants for the next couple weeks. we got told one of the kitchen table was too messy (it had clean pots and pans on it bc of a lack of suitable storage space), given a week to move stuff off or it would all get chucked. they actually came in and took everything off that table. which i'm pretty sure is illegal. and then promised us new cupboards or something to help w/ the storage issue. and it's been months. no new cupboards. this shit only happens whenever they have to come fix a door hinge or the boiler etc. like some sort of punishment for telling them the flat we pay them to live in is falling apart. for having to do the one job they actually have. that they don't even have to do bc they call in contractors to do it.

anyway, yeah fuck landlord and fuck them controlling stuff in the property you're paying to live in. also i had no idea about all the smart home stuff until i moved in. it's not really pointed out during the viewing. and nest are especially bad bc those devices recently had some sort of voice command feature unlock, meaning they were built w/ microphones this whole time which was never disclosed until the voice command feature dropped.

rant over lmao i'm hoping to move in a year, maybe two years depending on what's available and for how much

#Anonymous #DATA_REQUESTS

5 notes · View notes

incubatorbycora · 8 months

Text

In The Dark

Date 07/20/2258 Journal Entry: I sit here in darkness writing. I hope my writing is at all legible, I don’t really know where my hand is in relation to my last words. It’s been 3 days since the power went out. Thankfully the secondary generators kicked a few hours after, so we at least have the necessities. Besides light we have running water and heat. The lamps outside still have power so the streets are visible. Unfortunately, radio doesn’t work down here so we haven’t received any news about what happened.

I usually work at home from my interface, but since I have no power, I’ve decided it’s fine that I’m not working. Being disconnected from the internet has given me so much time to think, normally I’m hyper connected all the time.

After my previous paragraph I decided to get some breakfast, but I was interrupted by a knock at my apartment door. At first, I expected it to be my mom, I figured she’d be worried. I slid open the door and was greeted, not by my mom, but by a pair of large figures shrouded behind a bright headlamp.

“May we come in?” They asked.

“Um, who are you?” I said trying not to sound scared.

“We’re peacekeepers here on behalf of the world central government.” One of the officers said. You never expect to see peacekeepers at your doorstep unless you’ve done something wrong.

“Oh, by all means come in.” I showed them in and as they stepped through the doorway into the faint streetlight streaming from my window, I was able to get a closer look at them. I had never seen a peacekeeper in person before, I’ve only seen them in videos. They dimmed the lights on their helmets. They wore black pants and jackets that held plates of armor inside. Their boots were equally intense and geometric. Their helmets and gloves covered the last inches of skin on their bodies. The Helmets have streamlined geometric forms that conform to the shape of the skull and have no space for eyes or mouth but have a dozen tiny cameras dotted around the front, sides, and even back. If that wasn’t intimidating enough, they were also many times more muscular than the average person.

Despite the peacekeepers appearance their voices were quite normal. “Please don’t be alarmed you aren’t in any trouble or danger; we're simply here to deliver a message about the current situation.”

The second officer finally spoke. “We want to inform you and your neighbors that surfacing would be inappropriate at this time. Directions are being given to all subterranean citizens to remain underground until further notice. The central government is currently working on a solution and asks for your co-operation and patience.”

The first officer spoke again. “Do you have any questions regarding your situation?”

What kind of questions was I supposed to have? It was certainly shocking, and I’m still shocked by the information. I’m supposed to sit here without power for an indeterminate amount of time with no explanation of what’s happening above me.

“I’d like to know what’s going on at the surface.” My voice shook from frustration and fear.

“It’s all under control you don’t have to worry. If you don’t have any other questions, we must get moving to continue spreading the word.” They didn’t even stay to wait for a response, they simply turned around and walked out, closing the door behind them.

Now I sit here, not just in the literal darkness, but also in a metaphorical darkness. I hope the lights come on soon.

#science fiction #scifi #creative writing #short story #writing

3 notes · View notes

ledenews · 3 months

Text

Ohio Esports: Changing the Game for Students in the Valley

Not too long ago, playing video games consisted of powering up your Atari, grabbing a joystick and shooting space aliens trying to attack your ship. Eventually, Nintendo came along and this process evolved into using two buttons to guide a plumber through harrowing lands in his quest to save the princess. If you were lucky, you had a second controller so your best friend could play. No groups. No internet. No headphones. In the years that followed, video games changed drastically, switching from side-scrolling quests to interactive, story-driven movies and contests. The advent of the internet allowed for online play, where gamers could compete against each other in different types of matches. It wasn’t long after that people discovered they could form leagues for competitive play. That’s when gaming competitions started popping up. StarCraft, Warcraft III, and, of course, Madden, seemed the most popular. Esports was born. And the state of Ohio loves it. Local high school students are now participating in Esports. In 2023, the Ohio High School Athletic Association officially partnered with Esports Ohio, a non-profit organization dedicated to providing an Esports league for high school students. While face-to-face video game competitions have been around since 1981, it wasn’t until 2000 that they fully evolved into the internet-based mass competitions we know today. These organized multiplayer competitions, played individually or by teams, grew tremendously since then; not only in participation but in the amount of media attention they received, mainly because the grand prize could go as high as $1 million. Seeing this opportunity, a group of educators formed Esports Ohio six years ago. At the start, they had 12 high school teams. This year, they have 803 rosters, 5,015 players and 294 schools. “We feel that we will continue to add more players in teams,” said Esports Ohio President Jacob Gebers. “We hope to have over 350 schools in the next 5 years.” The partnership has been a win-win for both organizations. Students who may not be interested in contact sports now have the opportunity to compete in an activity more suited to their interests. OSHAA can help the organization grow. “OHSAA has a long history of high school sports and have (sic) connections throughout the state,” Gebers said. “They are able to help promote to schools our league and what we can do while we can still control the logistics. We are also able to hand out OHSAA trophies to winning teams which is a fantastic accomplishment.” Gebers said Esports Ohio was founded to give students the ability to play other schools in Ohio and build upon existing rivalries. Video gaming obviously was important to the Esports Ohio founders. But why? Gebers said that despite the negative connotations video games often receive, the benefits of playing in a team setting can have a positive impact. “I am a gamer when I have the time. I really like the way it forces people to have teamwork and also giving an outlet for those that may not be involved in other activities. Learning how to work together with other students is a long-life lesson,” Gebers explaiend. “This also includes learning how to communicate efficiently as well as problem solving.” Now, games like Overwatch, Fortnite, League of Legends, Super Smash Brothers, chess, baseball and even Just Dance are in the mix. Locally, the sport is growing, with schools like St. John Central Academy, Belmont Harrison Career Center, Buckeye Local High School, Buckeye Trail High School, Caldwell High School, Cambridge High School, Conotton Valley High School and East Liverpool boasting programs, according to the Ohio Esports website. Read the full article

0 notes

phanfictioncatalogue · 4 months

Text

Ambiguous/Open Ending (2) Masterlist

part one

Brave (ao3) - TortiTabby

Summary: A vacation on the Isle ends up being the worst and best place to be at the start of the end of the world.

Darling, Will We Talk In The Morning? (ao3) - AnotherPhanficWriter

Summary: Fic where Dan's grindr dates never work out.

Until it accidentally did?

drown my demons (ao3) - schnaf

Summary: Whenever Phil feels all alone, he knows he can rely on Dan. But maybe he shouldn't. And apparently, demons know how to swim.

empty nights, synchronised (ao3) - karcathy

Summary: It's not Phil's first winter in Antarctica, so he's pretty used to how things go around here. A new face catches his eye, but before he has a chance to get to know him, things around the station start to go wrong. The long dark winter becomes a lot more exciting when your survival is at stake.

Flesh of the Church (ao3) - boffinhatwithapipeYuekagami

Summary: There is a war brewing. In the depths of a universe where every now and then, a war is rising up, young people with no military experiences shall be drafted and paint the earth's ground in red. History books list the painters. What about the people of the shadows, their eyes trained into the darkness, their dinner tables devoid of entities who once become a part of their world? What about those people who had to bear the pain of waiting, of praying and hoping? History books list the painters. But no one ever lists the writers.

Give Me My Sin Again (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: It's the era when love is a sin,

but Dan and Phil fall in love despite the rules.

good night bear (ao3) - masonlovesdanandphil

Summary: dan howell loves phil lester.

phil lester loves dan howell.

you know the story two soulmates who met on the internet. just something is different.

dan can’t sleep without watching phil’s videos. oh and phil stopped filming videos

I'm gonna keep falling for you now (even if I keep falling down) (ao3) - t_hens

Summary: 'The first night that we met

We climbed up on your roof

You saw the sky light up the way I did right next to you

"We'll take it slow", you said

As we kissed inside your room

You saw the morning light the way I did right next to you'

i’m not home (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: phil’s last night alone takes a turn for the worst

It's Time to Begin (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan and Phil went through hell and back when they were teenagers to fight against the evil clown. However, when they get called back to Derry, they know that the fight is just beginning again with whatever it is. But old feelings begin to get rehashed and they decide to confess something to the other before they head towards the fight for their lives.

lead me into the light (ao3) - itsmyusualphannie (itsmyusualweeb)

Summary: Dan and Phil are part of a crew of space explorers currently embarking on a dangerous mission to check out a supposedly lifeless planet far away from home.

lost souls (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: People are born with souls, destined to find their soulmates by the colour and shape of the unique, connected birthmark on the small of their back.

If a child is not born with a birthmark like this, which is an extremely rare occurrence, they’re regarded as a lost soul; one without a soul at all. One who’ll only be able to find true love if they try really hard, but usually not at all.

Dan’s in love with his best friend of six years, Phil, and he’s certain there’s some romantic tingles in the air. The only problem? Dan’s a lost soul, and Phil’s not.

Not So Far Away (ao3) - enthuzimuzzy

Summary: Phil decides to go on a walk.

of damsels, knights, and fairytale endings (ao3) - artbabe

Summary: Phil is a shy baker's apprentice in a little village that is quartering knights on their way to a great battle. He catches the eye of Sir Howell, a handsome knight whom he may never see again.

pandemonium (ao3) - schnaf

Summary: The world collapses. And Phil is gone.

remember me, love? (ao3) - CapriciousCrab

Summary: The club was a bit crowded tonight for his taste; the sound of beating hearts and gallons of blood rushing through veins an annoying distraction from his hunt for something to sate his hunger.

seasalt (ao3) - angelmichelangelo

Summary: dan and phil have lived a good life together

Staring at the Sea (ao3) - Allthephils

Summary: Dan wears a braided chain made of finest silver from the north of Spain, a locket that bears the name of the man that he loves.

the genesis of rhythm (ao3) - jestbee

Summary: It isn't the paintings he is here for. It isn't the stall with mismatched shelves and the rows of books in a language he can't understand. It is the man with the brush.

the heart on your keys (it's mine) (ao3) - strawberry_saturn

Summary: Dan marks Phil's keys with a heart, but forgets to take it off before he gives them back.

when you are young, they assume you know nothing (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: After a misunderstanding at prom, Dan finds himself in a dilemma; should he fall into a summer affair with Phil, or should he make up with his boyfriend of 3 years, Blake?

Based on Taylor Swift's Folklore.

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfic #phan #phanfiction #masterlists #openending #openending masterlist

0 notes

pcstvlates · 1 year

Photo

FRANCIS’ DEBUT ALBUM ‘WASHUP’ GETS DELUX RELEASE

It’s been only eleven months since the release of the new folk-pop singer’s debut album. Francis Mancini, better known by just ‘Francis’ has been taking TikTok by storm with her raw and intimate music. Fans have been begging for a deluxe version. Finally, Empiric Records gave in and have released the special addition to include four extra songs, two covers, and two new singles released within the past few months (one of them being with Sawyer, which had the internet gagging).

This month, at Woodstock Magazine, we got to sit down with the new folk sensation, and talk to her about her iconic record.

Read the interview below, and check out the album HERE.

JONES: I’m going to be honest Francis, I didn’t expect your deluxe version to include covers, what made decide to include the two iconic songs?

FRANCIS: Honestly, I think the songs on my album were really tough to write. Like, they’re really personal, they took a lot out of me. At the time the album took off, and there were talks for a potential deluxe, I couldn’t really imagine putting myself in that headspace. It has to come naturally. So really, if the big guys wanted a deluxe, it was going to have to be covers.

JONES: But you did include a couple originals, though they’re singles people are already familiar with. And they stack up against the rest of the album in terms of intensity. What was the choice with that?

FRANCIS: Well, they’re still released pretty close to this album, and in terms of era and theme, they still seemed to fit quite well. Hopefully, my next album doesn’t have to be a drugs, loneliness, and losing a love. I hope I’m somewhere else by the time I start on the next thing.

JONES: I wanted to ask about that. This album is known for how hard it hits, and you’re not shy about what this album is based off of in your personal life. How has it felt sharing that with the world?

FRANCIS: It’s a part of the healing, honestly. I’ve been so grateful to be able to share my life through music and that the music reaches so many people. I mean, the process of making this album was brutal. I was at some pretty low moments, but the craft of it, I knew, would be so important for me. Now that it’s out there and I meet the people it connects to, I know that taking this leap of openness was worth it.

JONES: Can you tell me about the title ‘WASHUP’, what was the message you wanted people to take from it?

FRANCIS: It’s two-fold, honestly. I mean, there’s the sense of being a washup in the sense that I was a failed playwright, drug addict, dumped two months before my wedding, and in a city where I had few friends. I was washed up. But it’s also this idea of washing onto shore of a new space, I will wash up onto the sand and I will be reborn. This is me moving on.

JONES: That’s really beautiful. Now I have to ask, you did a song with Sawyer, the ex-band member of the super succession rock band Riot Band. None of us saw that coming, but the song is genius. What was that like being in the studio with such a talent?

FRANCIS: I mean, totally honest, I wasn’t really a fan of Riot Van when they were in their hay day. And I think it’s important to clarify he reached out to me. I didn’t even know he sang until he showed up to the studio and we started working together.

JONES: I would have loved to been a fly on the wall in that studio. What was that process like?

FRANCIS: It was totally wild. I mean he’s such a professional, it was like the moment he stepped in, it was all about the music. I had had a verse of something written, and he’d had some lyrical ideas as well, it was just uncanny that they happened to fit together so well. They when we kind of figured out the groove, it was like we shared the same mind. I had began playing on the piano and he began to play his guitar and then next thing I knew we were recording and I was crying and we were done.

JONES: You cried?

FRANCIS: A little, yeah. I mean, when we sang, the energy--- I mean, it’s like--- really, I can’t explain it, I was just overcome.

JONES: Sounds like you two have something special. Do you think you’ll work together again?

FRANCIS: I mean he’s busy making his album, I don’t think that’s going to be in our futures anytime soon.

JONES: I think people are disappointed to hear that, but I understand. Thank you for taking the time to talk to Woodstock, Francis. I’ll be playing this Deluxe album on repeat for weeks.

FRANCIS: Thank you, my mom said the same thing.

#v. unless you mean it #c. francis mancini

0 notes

itsnotgray · 1 year

Text

a little psa. because i’m really fucking irritated right now, and can’t guarantee that i’ll say very nice things once i start drinking (although i’m hiding my phone to try and prevent drunk angry rants).

literally what the fuck. every time i have the hope that the internet has gotten better, someone proves me wrong.

human connection is a beautiful fucking thing. and we live privileged because we have the internet to allow us form amazing friendships. and yet people get hate- FOR INTERACTING WITH THEIR FRIENDS?

the friends they’ve made in what’s supposed to be a safe space. the friends they’ve been able to meet through such a powerful tool. the friends they’ve made AND MET BECAUSE OF THE INTERNET.

and it already pisses me off when people think it’s within their right to give their opinions on things that don’t need their opinion- BUT FRIENDSHIPS?

how would you like it if a complete stranger walked up to you on the street, and started degrading your friendship with your best friend? started telling you that you annoy your best friend, and that she was better off before she became friends with you. and when you tell him to stop because what he’s saying is fucking with your head? and his response is “what anxiety” or “what mental health”

you’ve now gotten degraded, insulted, and belittled for having a friendship with your best friend- AND told that your anxiety and insecurities don’t matter, and that they don’t exist. by a fucking stranger. how the fuck would you feel?

doesn’t feel that fucking nice does it?

be nice to people. compliment strangers. relish in the fact that we’re able to make such profound connections through the internet. don’t insult it.

there’s already enough negativity in this world, and if your hating on someone for simply enjoying themselves and the connections they share with people? please get a life. go on a run. pick up a hobby. do something meaningful with your time instead of trying to fracture friendships.

as kindly as possible,

gray🫶

#gray talks

0 notes

wa-kaizen · 2 years

Text

ARE THESE SIGNS COMPATIBLE? | AQUARIUS AND ARIES

I said I will deliver, so I am delivering!! It's not like I need more exposure after I self sabotaged /sarcasm This is like, the second post I make on this and I hope it will be received well! Tbh I love Aquariuses and Aries together like yess go <33 I personally don't know any celebrity pairs with this pairings but rather look at my irls & internet ppl when observing these!! If you do tho lmk! I'm also more than happy to take requests/suggestions! <3 Also please remember a whole relationship can't be determined by only one sign, this is for fun!

PLEASE CONSIDER DONATING!

PAID TAROT READINGS | PAID ASTRO READINGS

Okay, so. I genuinely can't think of any down sides with this one.

Not to say there isn't any, I do think there are some. However, I do think these would be very minor. - Yes, you can argue on this one, this is a discussion not facts! -

Air and Fire compliment each other a lot, and are a great combination together.

Keeping each other alive, lowkey. /j

No, but seriously, it's better than fire and earth, or earth and fire.

While Aquarius often don't know how to handle their emotions causing themselves and other's around them often to be overwhelmed Aries will be understanding and have extreme sympathy because they themselves know how does that feel like.

They will know how to calm down the Aquarius in question because they know what the person will need rather than want.

Their care also wouldn't stay unreturned. Aquariuses are extremely supportive and realistic in views, so they would always support the Aries in fileds they are certain to suit the person in question.

They compliment each other like green and blue. You wouldn't think it works, but they are amazing together.

These signs are also very misunderstood in similar ways! They are both thought to be cold and distant people when in reality they are very playful and smart.

It's just that they both might need time opening up, which could make any connection awkward at first.

I do think that would settle tho, because they are both very intelligent signs.

They might both like space, science and nature. So they could bond over their love for animals.

I do not think interest wise these two signs have a lot in common by what I noticed? Their styles seem the same, but hobbies and generic interest might differ from each other.

Which could be a blockage for some, but I personally find it interesting! It will allow both parties to expand each others horizons and have a lot to talk about.

These signs both suffer from 'my heart is too big' syndrome. So, if there is already a shared interest - or multiple - that they have both bonded over and formed an attachment on they will gladly hear one another out on what they have to say about their interest even if they might not like it.

Honestly? They are both extremely supportive people, I do not see two people with these signs hating each other deeply.

Opposite actually.

I noticed that one thing they have in common is noticing bad people around people, expect when it comes to themselves. So these two will be able to help one another avoid negative people and have a level headed conversation about it.

The only con I could think of is that Aries might get easily irritated in fights and provoke the Aquarius. I do think it's something they could both find humour in later since I don't think serious topics are anything the two normally argue about.

Honestly, this feels like a little rambling lmao, but I truly don't think these two are a bad pair.

Many will not agree with this, but these are both signs that are very humble. They do have egos when it comes to intelligence, other than that, they are really chill.

The type of 'we are all humans' kind of you know? They won't treat you differently because of your status, money, interests ect. Only if you are a bad person in their eye.

This allows them to not only connect through hating people - it sounds bad, but it works for them so - but also get close to each other without any kind of judgement.

Nothing is too tmi, yet they have very healthy boundaries! Although, Aquariuses are more easy going and willing to try out more things than Aries, so keep that in mind.

It's kinda like these;

Tbh go make the move on your crush or the person you want as your best friend if you are this kind of duo. Soulmates fr /hj

41 notes · View notes

avissapiens · 3 years

Text

Avis' Subject Symposium

A Crash Course in Trance Pt 1: Files.

(Art by Acro @sodalite96/https://twitter.com/sodalite96 Used with their permission. Go check them out!)

So often new subjects come to me and they don’t know the first thing about trance. None of its mechanics or methods, and so it can be very daunting for them; to step into such a wide abyss without knowing what to expect and what is expected of you. Many of them, even experienced subjects, expect that 100% of the work is and should be done by the Hypnotist. In truth both parties, the hypnotist and the subject, must be willing and able. But while it’s more readily apparent what must be done in order for a tist to be successful in their endeavors, many subjects/potential subjects can have a hard time understanding what it takes to get the most out of their trance, both from pre-recorded files, and from live sessions with a hypnotist. So, I’m here to give you what is in my opinion, the essential Crash Course to Trance, starting first with trancing to files.

Location

Find yourself somewhere nice, darkened and quiet, where you know you won’t be disturbed. This is already a hard task for a lot of subjects, living with other people always increases the chance that one might barge in on you, eyes glazed over, drooling all over yourself. Or that someone’s reckless pounding from above might shake the abyss so thoroughly that it takes you out of trance. But here is the thing I will stress. While physical quiet is a good idea as it allows you to focus on the words and suggestions streaming into your head. What matters so much more is internal peace and quiet. A location where you can feel at ease and safe and secure in yourself. A locked bedroom surrounded by mountains of pillows. Your favorite plush armchair that threatens to swallow you almost as well as the Abyss of Trance. The peaceful morning route on the train whose path you know so well that you can be lulled into trance just by the rumbling vibrations of the tracks beneath your seat. Wherever you can be comfortable.

The ideal location for trance I'm sure does exist in some government facility or therapists office somewhere, where you can be dropped into an isolation tank and be brainwashed clean. But most of us will never encounter that. So what matters then is the ideal mindset for trance, which is one of peace, safety, trust and assurance.

Equipment

This is one of the reasons so many love using files. Because its barrier to entry is so low. All you really need is something to play the file on and a place to listen. This is in contrast to working directly with a tist where you need, at the very least, A good internet connection, maybe a camera, Another person who you trust and who might be wildly inconsistent. Or working in person which probably will require a whole location and time-table to get set up. No, Files are relatively simple and they are no better or worse than live sessions for certain purposes. However, like all simple things, they can be elevated by improving its ingredients. A box cake from the store and a home-made chiffon are functionally the same, but their difference comes in the ingredients and technique.

So for trance I recommend spoiling yourself a little, at the very least buy yourself some decent quality over-ear headphones. Many file-makers (myself included) add frequencies and binaural beats underneath the main track. These serve the purpose of training your own brain’s waveforms to a certain frequency, thus more easily taking you into trance. But they can only be detected and properly registered with some good headphones. Additionally, The encapsulation of headphones provides a more immersive experience, isolating you and transporting you through the trance experience like you are in your own little world. Trust me. $600 studio headphones aren’t needed, But a good quality wired $40 headset goes a long way and is multi-purpose. A decent quality chair or mattress also will serve you well, not just in trance but in life.

Focus

Trance is a very tricky state that, like all things, requires practice and patience to master. Staying in trance is like a tightrope walk, teetering gently between the realm of consciousness and awareness, and the oblivion of total subconscious and sleep. It is the liminal space between the two, that subconscious space that makes trance and hypnosis possible. It is the state where your mind is most open to total suggestion and where magical things can happen. So how does one walk the line between these two modes of being? The answer is focus. Or rather Half-focus. Focusing without focusing. With descriptions like that it can sound like some kind of Zen riddle, but that is often what it feels like sometimes. Now this is not a laser focus like you would expect in a classroom setting, no one is being tested here. It's a more gentle and subtle focus. Like focusing on the world around you. Focusing on the wind on your face, the rise and fall of your lungs; On the way your body just goes loose and slumps over. The trick is to go in and to follow along, to listen and pay attention and try to comply with the suggestions given at first. Suspend your disbelief and engage with it unironically and without pretense. If you notice yourself drifting, don’t try to force it back to focus. Simply let it explore where it wants and to carry on organically. Nothing in trance needs to be forced. Simply focused on and allowed to happen.

Many subs oscillate in trance, their minds ebbing and flowing like a Sine wave; wavering in and out of trance, one minute aware, the next minute completely blank and asleep, and then for a brief moment in bliss. But it averages out to trance at the end of it. One must also not fear dropping out of trance. Focusing too much on that eventuality makes it a self fulfilling prophecy. Just Focus-not-focus-half-focus and enjoy yourself.

Apprehension

So many subjects look at files and their mind begins to spin with endless questions and anxieties. Worries about “losing themselves” or “changing too much” or “doing things they don’t want to do.” It’s a valid set of concerns for a new subject, uninitiated in the true mechanics of trance and only knowing of hypnosis what is shown in the media. Evil villains and monsters brainwashing our heroes to do horribly enticing and arousing things. So ingrained is this idea that it even crossed over into the allure of hypnosis files. And while I won’t say it's impossible for that to happen, I have 3 comments on it to ease your mind. First, with Files, one of the best things about it is that the subject gets to control practically every single aspect of the experience. When you do it, how many times you listen, and whether you listen at all to begin with. While all files should be clearly labelled with Content and trigger warnings and given an explicit summary of what they are and what they do, we know that is not the case. The amount of “Mystery files” I've seen on various forums irks me to no end. But it appeals to some people. However, for those who are not particularly fond of surprises you have the absolute power to review the file before you trance to it. You can give it a fully aware walk through, or just jump through segments to look for anything that doesn’t suit your taste.

Once you’ve done that however you might still be conflicted about some content. Not openly averse to it, but unsure. Dumbing down and IQ reduction are probably number one on this list. People are so terrified of somehow losing everything when they learn to stop overthinking things. For these concerns my second point suggests Introspection. Ask yourself “Why do I/Don’t I want this?” “Is it really as bad as my anxiety is making it out to be?” Because if you like something a lot, and really want it, then why should you deny yourself it out of fear? Even aside from dumbing, many desires are tinged with this air of guilt or fear. Terrified to acknowledge or grab hold of what we truly want and own up to it. In my estimation Hypnosis can be one of the best ways of dabbling with those desires because in trance there is no shame or judgement. Finally, my 3rd point says you don’t have to worry. If you really don’t like a suggestion you can always leave it behind. Your mind has built in fail-safes to reject suggestions you haven’t agreed to. A file cannot make you do something unless you want it, at least subconsciously. The old cliche goes “All Hypnosis is Self-Hypnosis” and what that fundamentally means is that as a subject you are the one who decides what happens. You consent and go along with things and allow them to happen to you. It is your desire, your focus, your arousal and your own subconscious that allows hypnosis to work. Subjects have more power than they know. I really hope it assists some people in vibing better with trance and files. I’ll be putting out another version for Live hypnotists later this month.

Thanks again to Acro for letting me use their Art, definitely go and support them on twitter. And If you want to support the creation of more hypnotic experiences that might help you practice that balance of focus then you can do so by subscribing to my Patreon, or to my Youtube channel. And if you want to interact more closely with me and my supportive community you can join my Discord server.

#Hypnosis #trance #gay hypnosis #brainwashing #caption #hypnotized #hypnokink

208 notes · View notes

writing-in-a-chipotle · 3 years

Text

Unbearably Mortal (Part 2)

(Alcina Dimitrescu x gender neutral reader)

Part 1

Words: ~2.5 K

Summary: In which a lot of things happen and none of them are good.

A/N: Hey, y’all! Back at it again with another chapter! Hope you enjoy!

“Nope nope nope nope… no way in hell…” You shook your head violently, unable to process what Mary had said. “This is… this is all some sort of elaborate prank, right? You’re messing with me. Yeah.” You swallowed. Your saliva felt like acid.

Mary grimaced. “I’m sorry, but this isn’t a game. This is very much reality.”

“So… what are they then?” You began pacing the floor, anxiety clinging to the pit of your stomach. “You expect me to believe that they’re some sort of weird, blood-sucking vampires?? You must be out of your mind… they don’t exist! They can’t be real!”

Mary stood up and walked over to you, gently placing her hands on your shoulders. With her blocking your path, you were forced to stop pacing and look at her.

“Listen,” She began, eyes gleaming with fear “I have no need to lie to you. Believe whatever you want to believe, for the only thing on the line right now is your head. Jane and I risked our lives to save you. If we were caught, all of us would have died. So, are you going to freak out and get yourself killed, or are you gonna listen to me?”

You were stunned into silence. Mary was being deathly serious. You nodded shakily.

“Good.” Mary breathed a sigh of relief. “If you had a mental breakdown and they heard…” She didn’t finish her sentence. She didn’t need to either; the implication was horrifying enough as it was.

“Thank you, by the way,” you sighed, sitting back down on the bed, “you really didn’t have to save me.”

“Honestly, I’m still scared out of my mind,” she admitted breathily, “but I’m glad you’re better now.”

“Thanks.”

She hummed, then pursed her lips. Her frown deepened even more. “Well… now what do we do? The Dimitrescu family is notorious for slaughtering any trespassers they find.”

Your eyes widened and your stomach dropped. “Oh no… oh no, no, no…”

You were stuck. You were stuck in a terrifying castle with horrifying, blood-sucking monsters who would gladly turn you into a mangled corpse on their living room floor. You had no way to call for help, and your parents probably didn’t even know what was happening…

Your phone.

You patted your pockets and fished through them. Let’s see: some dirt, a crumpled flight itinerary, your house keys… aha!

“...what’s in the box?” Mary asked, “I don't think I’ve seen anything like it before.”

You blinked. Box? “Oh, this? It’s my phone.” You rotated it slowly in your fingers so she could easily see all its sides. “It’s a bit larger and blockier than your average iPhone because it’s designed to connect directly to the satellite, making it easy to call anyone from anywhere in the world. It cost me a lot of money, but since I was planning on traveling the world after I graduated, I decided it wouldn’t hurt to have it a few years early.”

Mary gave you a completely confused stare. “What’s an… iPhone? Or a sad-del-light? Did you make those up?”

You frowned, your eyebrow twitching in confusion. “Uh… no? I wouldn’t make anything like this up. You… you truly don’t know what modern technology is like?”

She shook her head. “I’ve… never been outside the village. I have no idea what the rest of the world is like.”

“And you don’t have a phone? Internet? Anything??”

“I’m afraid not,” She fidgeted with the hem of her skirt, “the Lords don’t allow anyone to leave the village or write letters to the outside world.”

A chill shot up your spine. “That’s… terrifying…”

Mary nodded, then tilted her head, thinking. She pursed her lips and motioned with her finger for you to come closer. You lean your ear to her.

“What is it?” You whisper.

“There are rumors of a girl who escaped the Lord’s wrath,” she began, “apparently, she managed to leave the village unharmed. There was an old hag who used to moan about how her daughter left her for a new life. She sounded half mad, so no one bothered listening to her.”

Your grandmother. She was talking about your grandmother.

And your mom.

This meant that… your mom knew about these crazy monsters? That she let you come here, to a place where you would most likely die? Alone??

Nothing made sense anymore.

You realized you had zoned out of Mary’s story. You shook your head, bringing your attention back to the present.

“Is that a good idea?”

“Uh, sorry, what?” You blinked. Mary was staring at you like you were an idiot. (Which you were, but that’s not the point.)

“I said,” she repeated, “you need to blend in until we can figure out how to escape.”

“That’s… that’s a pretty good idea. And wait….” you repeated her words in your mind. “We? You want to come too?”

“Goddess, it’s like you’re dense or something.” Mary muttered under her breath. “Of course I want to leave! Are you out of your mi-“

“I get it, I get it,” you huffed, interrupting her, “What do we do now?”

“Now,” she folded her arms, “we need to get you a disguise.” She walked over to a tiny dresser in the far corner and pulled out a neatly-folded maid’s uniform. “I hope you’re my size.”

————————

Turns out you weren’t Mary’s size.

You couldn’t help it; your new friend was practically a walking stick. Your shoulders were too broad, your legs too long; but with Mary’s excellent sewing skills, you were able to make it work… sort of.

“Damn, this uniform is itchy,” you complained, scratching at the neckline.

“You’ll grow used to it after a while,” Mary replied. “Now we need to get to work or-“

“We’ll be made into wine. Got it.” You straightened out your sleeves.

She nodded. “Just follow my lead.”

The two of you walked quickly and quietly out of the servant’s quarters. Your heart was racing. Every time you turned a corner, you half expected a bloodied monster to jump the both of you and tear out your arteries.

You rounded another bend and nearly walked into Mary. She had stopped suddenly and immediately fled to the side of the hallway, bowing deeply at the corridor. You quickly followed her lead.

The moment you bowed your head, a steady buzzing filled your ears.

Swarms of flies flitted through your vision as they flew down the hall, buzzing excitedly. Maliciously. You don’t know how they managed to convey such emotions, but they seemed…. off.

And then, they changed.

The insects spiraled and spun into a large, buzzing mass, sewing themselves into a completely different form; one with a deep black cloak, ghoulishly pale hands, wild blonde hair…

And blood-stained teeth.

Mary curtsied deeply and you were quick to follow suit. “Good evening, Lady Bela,” she said softly, refusing to look up, “how may we be of service?”

Bela gave a bored wave of her hand. “We’re a bit... short-staffed in the kitchens at the moment,” she drawled, “Mother doesn’t want dinner to be served a second too late. She-” Her eyes fell on you and she stopped dead in her tracks. “You smell familiar, human…” she growled.

Oh no, you were dead, you were dead, you were dead. Cold sweat fell from your neck, and your heart raced. Bela stepped closer to you, brows furrowed and hungry eyes glinting.

“They’re new, Lady Bela,” Maria said quickly.

She raised an immaculate brow. “New, you say?”

“Yes, Miss.”

“... I see.”

It was only a moment before she leaned away, but to you, it felt like hours. The Dimitrescu was a terrifyingly deadly whirlwind, one that seemed to stare directly into your soul… maybe even smell your fear. Bela’s lips twitched, giving you a glimpse of sharp fangs.

“Well then, newcomer,” she hissed, amusement dripping in her voice, “if you’re so eager to serve us, I want you to pour the wine.”

Your heart raced in panic, your hands shaking. Pouring the wine meant seeing these monsters at their most bloodthirsty. It meant you would get caught.

I won’t survive, you thought fearfully.

You quickly dropped into a clumsy curtsy before you forgot yourself. “A-as you wish, Lady Bela,” you choke out.

“Hm… we’ll see, won’t we.” She dissolved into a sea of flies and flew down the hallway and out of sight.

You breathed heavily. Your heart was still going a mile a minute. Before you could say anything, Mary grabbed your arm and tugged you along.

“Wha-“

“Shh,” she hissed. “Not yet.”

You followed her silently to the kitchen. This whole situation was too hard to process… you’d barely been in Romania for a day and you suddenly had to face the reality of your imminent death.

You felt lightheaded. Your vision swam.

“Where are you, draga mea?” A smooth, enchanting voice swirled in your mind. You felt your pulse hammering in your temples. The voice sounded so close, yet so far away. It was familiar and warm… but it was too hard to tell if it meant anything. You were too woozy, too lightheaded…

“It’s time to wake up, darling,” the voice continued dreamily, “Open your eyes for me?”

“...hey… hey!” A familiar voice hissed, “hello? Are you alright?”

Your eyes snapped open.

Mary stood in front of you, her hands on your shoulders. Once she saw you move, she breathed a sigh of relief. “Are you alright? You haven’t blinked for the past few minutes, nor have you responded to anything or anyone around you.”

“Yeah, I just…” you swallowed thickly. What was wrong with you? “... I just spaced out.” Mary frowned, giving you a suspicious glance, but didn’t push.

You were in the kitchen. Cooks and maids bustled around in an organized fashion, whispering instructions to each other while slicing, cooking, and plating bright red slabs of meat. You definitely didn’t want to know what kind the Dimitrescu’s were eating tonight.

Someone grabbed your arm and you flinched, turning around. It was one of the older cooks, a salt and pepper haired woman with soot-stained clothes and greasy calloused hands. She shoved a a bottle of wine into your hands so fast, you nearly dropped it. She glowered at you.

“As soon as the meal is served, you pop open the bottle and pour for everyone.” She hurriedly rattled off instructions. “When they finish their drink, pour them another. You do not look at them, you do not touch them or their glasses, you don’t even breathe around them. And for the love of the Goddess: Do. Not. Spill.”

You gulped and nodded. You just had to do your job, then leave. That’s all. You could do this.

Or so you told yourself.

The old woman gave you a quick look, and for a moment it seemed she gave you a twinge of a sympathetic smile. But just like that it was gone, replaced by her signature scowl.

“Alright, we go in three…” she held up three fingers covered in burn scars. One second passed. Then another.

The kitchen maids smoothly entered the dining room in one sweeping motion; a flurry of skirts and iron serving trays. You followed them close behind. The maids placed the trays in front of each Dimitrescu before fleeing to the kitchen single file.

And then it hit you.

You were the only maid who was supposed to stay throughout the entire meal.

Without you even knowing it, Bela had assigned you one of the most dangerous jobs at the castle; one where you had to stay, alone, in the same room as four hungry, bloodthirsty vampires.

You quickly began pouring the wine.

You walked around the massive mahogany table, trying your best not to spill the blood-red drink. You poured for Bela first, and you tried your absolute best not to look her in the eye. You didn’t know what you would do if you saw her grinning.

You moved on to the next Dimitrescu: a redhead with glistening fangs. As you poured, she suddenly hissed. In your surprise, you fumbled the bottle. But you didn’t spill.

The last sister (you assumed all three of them were sisters based on their similar appearances) was a brunette with mischievous eyes. You didn’t mean to look at her… you really didn’t…

Based on her low, rumbling cackle, you knew you were doomed.

The last Dimitrescu, the Lady Dimitrescu, was much different than the other three. She was incredibly tall, with a flowing white dress that fell to her ankles, a wide-brimmed hat…

And pearly-white satin gloves.

Why did that seem so familiar?

You shook your head. You had to stop thinking and just pour the wine! You only had one more glass to fill, after all.

The brunette stuck out her foot, and you went down.

You landed on top of the bottle, and it shattered under you. Glass and wine flew everywhere, piercing your clothes, slicing your skin, staining the rug…

And completely drenching the front of Lady Dimitrescu’s immaculate dress.

The air cracked with electricity. “You...” she hissed, in a stranglely familiar voice.

Before you could even beg for forgiveness, the towering terror of a woman stood from the table and grasped you by the collar before you could even blink.

She growled, breath smelling of blood. “You will pay for your insole-“ her breath hitched. Her death grip on you loosened and faded, till you dropped to the floor like a rag doll.

Fearfully, you looked up at her.

Her demeanor had completely changed. Where once stood a cold-hearted monster was a shocked, crying… woman. Tears streaked down her face, dripping from her chin as she sunk to the floor. She didn’t look like a monster, she looked… human.

The lady reached out a gloved hand, then flinched as if burned. She looked lost and confused and sad; unable to process what she was looking at… or rather, who she was looking at.

A chill ran up your spine, fearful tendrils snaking through your system as you both stared into each other’s eyes.

And then, Lady Dimitrescu uttered a single word, barely a whisper at all, and your stomach dropped. Your world spun.

“Y/N?”

You couldn’t move. Couldn’t think. Everything you had ever known was completely useless, and your life would end at any moment, you were sure. You felt like crying, you felt like throwing up.

She said your name.

Lady Dimitrescu, one of the most powerful supernatural beings in the world, who couldn’t possibly know who you were, had said your name.

It was too much. There were too many strong emotions, too many near-death experiences in one day. Your body was bloody and exhausted, your energy spent.

You collapsed on the dining room floor, and your vision faded to black.

#lady dimitrescu x reader #alcina dimitriscu x reader #my fic #my writing #gender neutral reader #reader insert #re8 #surprise y’all I love cliffhangers :)#suffer :))))

159 notes · View notes

cowboyjen68 · 2 years

Note

Hi I really enjoy your blog and I was wondering if you could give me some advice.

I'm a young adult and I've liked my best friend since I was 13. I’ve been entertaining the fantasy that we could be together for years and knew it was unlikely to happen but kept holding on to it. I always found these feelings comforting and it’s been with me for so long. It’s been my “normal”.

Well now the problem I've been avoiding is real since I now know she has a boyfriend and I'm worried how to move on while still being her friend.

Recently I confessed to her before I knew for sure she was dating and that has helped a bit since I got closure that she doesn’t like me romantically.

I know It's my fault for getting into this mess and I should have worked harder to move on earlier. But I'm having trouble moving on while still wanting to be friends with her because she means so much to me as a person.

Do you have advice for how I could move on? I know this is just a dumb crush but it’s been with me for so long and I’ve never known how to move on from it.

Sometimes, that first step is the hardest step.

Like you said, you have lived in the comfort zone her having a crush on her so long that anything outside of that sounds scary and like too much work.

My guess is you have known for a long time, maybe always, that she will never be able to have a romantic connection with you, and, at 13, when we are being TOLD by society or encouraged by our friends to be sexually interested, having a "safe" love interest is very appealing. You crush on the unattainable for the very reason that she is never going to breech the boundaries you don't want pushed.

We need those 'safe" crushes to sort through our feelings and in order to not feel left behind or left out by a world that wants to push us into the sexual realm way faster than many of us are ready to handle. Celebrity and internet influencers function the same way. We can have the crush without the rush. There is no possibility Gillian Anderson would ever return my affections so I am safe to explore my feelings and "like" her. No pressure or commitment.

Having a crush on a friend can go on longer than you meant it to because she is in your life and you do have real love for her. She is someone who cares for you and you have "physical" (as in space) contact with her. She is not just some person out in the universe that is unreachable. You are in a very comfortable place.

Going on line, going out, meeting new people and talking about yourself, learning about them feels like a daunting task. You feel over whelmed, scared and anxious about meeting new people and having to take on the work of dating. Dating requires meeting women and hoping you make a connection with one who ALSO feels the same way. It is way easier to pine over what you can't have because it is an effort you are used to having in your life.

My advice. Date. Ask a woman out, use an app, ask friends if they have single friends, use Meet up or go out to a bar or women's event. Festivals, concerts, non profit events or lecture/speaker events that center women are all great places to meet women in a social setting. You have nothing to loose. At worst you meet no one. At best you get a date. In the middle you make some friends.

You might go on dates and make zero connections or you might find a woman who is worth putting some energy into as you build a friendship. The more you give your time and effort to other women the less space your teen crush will have in your life.

Go out there and fill your life with others who want what you want. At first it is hard, but it gets easier and even fun as you enrich your circle of friends.

#lesbian #dating #crush #teen crush

28 notes · View notes

beetthereet · 3 years

Text

an analysis on alice oseman’s writing in radio silence (only radio silence since i’ve yet to read any of her other books) because wow this human can wRITE:

(this will contain spoilers so don’t blame me if i did spoil you<3)

this will just be split up to sections because i have a lot to say and this is how i organize my thoughts best.

The way she writes first person P.O.V;

The entirety of ‘Radio Silence’ is written from the perspective of our main character, Fraces Janvier, speaking from a future stand. The entire story is written in a past tense from the perspective of an older Frances who knows what will end up happening, who knows everything.

From someone who enjoys writing, first person point of view is sO HARD TO WRITE. I was honestly mesmerized by the way Oseman wrote this book. Another thing about the writing is that the first-person point of view, truly made the story feel genuine and real. I don’t know what was Alice Oseman’s age while writing this book but it honestly feels like such a true experience of a 17-18 year old who goes a huge change in her life and doesn’t really know what to do with herself, and then finds something she’s passionate about. Truly passionate. It just really feels genuine and true and so I wanted to point it out.

The way the plot builds up;

I think, one of the main reasons Radio Silence is a comforting and fun book that many people enjoy reading _and _rereading, is because of the way the plot is built. Because the book is written in the point of view of Frances, in first person, she describes the plot of the book like she experienced it. It was getting to know someone from ‘saving his drunk ass in a pub’ to ‘this is my very close friend that I truly cherish and don’t want to lose’. And because of that, the entire feel to the plot up to when the universe city fandom figures out that Frances is Toulouse and through that, that Aled is the person behind the anonymous podcast, is so... organic in a way.

The way this book is written truly makes you feel like you’re a little speck of dust in the air, looking down at these two absolute nerds slowly become so close. You have fun with them, you laugh with them, you get shocked with them, you feel with them. You feel with Frances throughout the book in its entirety. Feeling with these characters as they slowly build their friendship is what makes the big blow when tumblr (and the internet) find out Aled’s identity. An identity he wanted to keep secret. He needed to keep that secret. Because there he could be anyone he wanted. He didn’t need to think of what X, Y or Z would think about him after he said this or that. It was his space. And through Frances, we learn that. And we learn how much it matters to him. And like Frances, we want Aled to have this space. To have this bubble.

And as the plot moves forward from that big blow of that tumblr post revealing who Radio is (aka, Aled), we feel with Frances and for her. Because after the action of some anonymous user on the internet, she lost her closest friend at the time. She lost a person she cared so much for. And that is emphasized so well when Aled snaps at Frances outside the pub. When he yells and shouts and says things until Raine takes Frances away. And we feel so bad, with Frances. Because Aled lost his bubble, Frances lost her friend and her safe space, and everyone lost something from the situation.

This is brilliantly brought to light even more with the ‘Childhood Kisses’ episode, where we finally see Daniel talking. We see how bad and heartbroken he feels, and we feel so bad for him because he doesn’t deserve this. None of the main cast of characters did.

And so, Alice Oseman made us feel for her characters. From Aled, to Frances, to Daniel, to Crays, to Raine. We feel for the characters because we care for them.

The stakes;

The stakes in Radio Silence are directly tied into my last point — the way that the plot was built up. Because, if we hadn’t seen Frances and Aled build their friendship like we did we would’ve never cared about how Aled snapped at Frances. We wouldn’t have had any connection to him, and I mean yeah, losing a friend is hard, but if we hadn’t seen that the personal level of empathy to both Frances and Aled would’ve been lacked in this situation.

This is also very well seen in both the time Aled was struggling to keep his identity a secret and the time Carol almost took Aled with her on the train from uni (at the very end). We know Aled and we know how important it is for him to 1) have universe city, 2) be able to keep universe city a secret from the world and his mom specifically, and 3) not go “home” with her because that’s dangerous for him. If we hadn’t seen Aled and Frances grow close (as I’ve mentioned before), these situations would have had no emotional affect on the reader because you wouldn’t have known Aled.

Basically Alice did an amazing job, I’m in awe<33

Alice Oseman will have you falling for each and every one of her plot twists;

In the entirety of the book Alice has planted multiple little ‘traps’ for you, the reader. These ‘traps’ are just pieces of information that are never confirmed to be true, but are assumed to be based on what we know from Frances and the story so far.

Examples; the whole ‘who is February Friday ordeal’, wtf is going on with Aled and Daniel’s relationship, what’s going to be Frances and Alex’s relationship status, whether Aled was going home or not, and so much more because she is good with this shit.

Using the correct tone to convey whatever she wants to, Alice Oseman managed to keep the reader at the edge of their seat, making them think “oh this is so obvious! I know this!” thinking they had figured it out when she is ten steps ahead of you the entire time. That’s such a smart way of keeping your readers interested and invested and she did it in a way that didn’t feel annoying or ‘ugh i didn’t get this right as well damn it’ but in a interesting and enticing way because the clues — and the solution — to the actual answer were and are right in front of you the whole time.