#and then the grieving process being interrupted by the one you lost | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crybaby-bkg · 8 months

Text

cw: Bakugou dies but comes back to life, “comes back wrong” trope, implied fighting, angst

When Bakugou died, you’re not sure how you went on living. Grief had taken over your life, sat you in the passenger side while it cruised off the highway into icy waters. And even then, you couldn’t find the energy to drown.

It’s why there’s a sudden uptick of energy when you’re promised to have him back. Some top scientists contact you months after his death, tell you to hurry down to the headquarters labs, come and rejoice for what you’re about to witness. And you’re horrified, to say the least.

“This isn’t my husband.” Are your first words when you walk in, watch the figure on the other side of the glass examine its own hands. It looks like your husband but—but his hair isn’t the right shade of blond all over. His nose bridge had a slight bump after a scuffle with a villain. He had a scar on his hand but—but it never looked like it was to sew a pinky beside the other fingers.

“Is that really my husband?” You ask next in disbelief, slowly entering the room. Bakugou’s head snaps up, his eyes a little brighter than you remember but—they hold so much emotion. So much memory, so much panic, so much guilt.

“I left you.” He mutters, his voice raspy and ragged, and you wonder if it’ll always be like this now. It makes you cry a little harder than it should, but you only embrace each other. He’s cold and his shoulders don’t hold the same mass and his back doesn’t carry the same scars. There’s one, jagged and rough, running down his back, and you think, you think that’s where they slipped a new spine in.

“Welcome back home.” You tell him, weeks after meeting him again, new and not totally—Katsuki. He’s stiff and he doesn’t immediately take off his boots when he enters, and it worries you. Makes you think if you’ve just let a stranger into your home, one that has stolen your dead husbands face. Makes you wonder if he’ll be as loving as Katsuki once was, or if he’ll become your monster looming over you with the guilt of not being able to rest anymore.

“I’ve missed you so much.” You whisper against his mouth one night, a little while after he’s moved back. You don’t know why you lay under him, why you let him nestle himself inside of you, why you let him hold you against his chest. Katsuki always ran his hands over your cheeks and neck whenever he held you like this, but this…man, only holds himself up with his hands resting beside your head. It’s alien, how he looks at you, how his hips are methodically measured with every thrust, how he kisses you every 8 seconds. You wonder if he’s more robot than Frankenstein monster.

“Why did you come back to me like this?” You ask him one night, barricaded in the bathroom away from him. You can hear his sobs on the other side, his pleading to be let in. He tells you he never wanted to come back if he had to be like this, that he’s sorry, please let him in, he misses the warmth of your skin, he’s never been so cold before, he’s never liked the cold.

“Is this considered cheating?” You ask yourself aloud one night, when Bakugou is forced back to the lab when he becomes too…un-Bakugou. To sleep with a man that is your husband in every way but? Your husband has been dead for a year now, and yet you stroke the chin of the man that tries so hard to be him everyday, but fails so miserably at it every time.

“I’ll come back to you right this time.” Bakugou promises to you when he’s strapped down to leave for the lab and before he’s sedated. But you don’t believe him—you never did. Your husband is dead, and this animated corpse has been nothing but a cheap mockery of everything you’ve lost and something you will never truly get back.

#I was writing this and then checked my dash and saw another post about this #and felt so guilty and almost didn’t post it aidjdkfj #but I love this trope too much to delete it!!!!!#I’ve written about this in my published book before and it’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever written #there’s just such a deep heartache about having to grieve someone #and then the grieving process being interrupted by the one you lost #and battling with their death even though you still look at them everyday again #but it’s just not right?? it’s not the same??#they have the same face (kinda) but it’s truly not hem #not them* heck #it reminds me of a convo I had in a psych class about making a new cloned version of yourself #where the question was ‘is the clone/new version still you? or are they an entirely new person now?’#and at first I said they’re still me you know? they have my face n body n memories #but my prof told me no!! after they have been cloned they are sentient and are now their own person making new memories apart from you #and I thought that was soooo interesting and it makes me fall in love w this trope every time #you’re my person but only a version. you’re who I love but a newer person. you’re not them. you’re everything I’ve missed about them #so heartbreaking I LOVE ITTTT #sorry I’m rapping it’s the sleep meds kicking in #okay bai #bakugou treats! 🍬#—new treat in the streets! 🍫

419 notes · View notes

wriothesleysgf · 3 months

Text

FOR IF I AM NOT YOURS , WHAT AM I ?

— k. nanami.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ about — november 1st, 2018.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ notes — huge spoilers, major character death/injury, grieving, angst/ hurt.

you wished you told him not to go. you wished he wasn't so good at quelling your fears. you wished it was you in his place.

everything was in ruins after the shibuya incident. nobody knew exactly who survived, but there wasn't a sorcerer who hadn't lost somebody close to them. you had been split up from nanami, having shared a sweet goodbye. with your rct skills being above average, you were assigned to stay in the backlines alongside shoko.

no matter how much you tried to prepare yourself, you had to push yourself to work endlessly despite being in shock. the horrors were endless, and you couldn't help but let out a sob when the barely-breathing body of one of the students that you care so deeply about got brought in. this was the precise reason that you were against jujutsu students qualifying for grades. they'd be put in such dangerous situations. thoughts about how young nanami had sobbed in your arms after his best friend's untimely death flashed through your mind. you had no choice but to put all of these emotions aside, and do everything you could to ensure that the young girl got another shot at life.

you stayed there way past when the sun rose. shoko tried to convince you to take a break but to no avail. considering how closely the two of you had worked, with her being a third year when you joined jujutsu high, you could usually read her. however, you were too focused to notice that there was something she had to tell you. it took shoko forcing a cup of hot tea into your hands to get you to take a few minutes out and try to calm down.

"have you heard from the others?" you ask immediately, your hands shaking slightly. "what time is it?"

"it's 2pm." shoko replies. she's struggling to make eye contact with you, not wanting to be the one to tell you. "i..."

"nanami." you state. "he said he'd come by as soon as he can... is there still bad traffic around the stations?"

shoko finally looks at you. you already appear broken. your eyes are wide and glossy and you're still shaky. the dark circles under your eyes are becoming more and more prominent. something tells her that you already know deep down.

she says your name in an uncharacteristically soft tone. you drop the mug of tea, letting it spill all over your jeans and the broken porcelain shatter as it hit the hard ground.

"n... no..." you whisper. shoko comes towards you, pulling you into her arms— a wise move, because your knees give out. "how... who... what happened..." you choke out between sobs.

she manages to manoeuvre you towards a small room where you can be alone. there, she explains all of the details that were relayed to her. a knock at the door interrupts her, and shoko stands to see who's there. akari nitta comes in, and sits by your side. a simple nod from the brunette tells her what she needs to know, and she wraps an arm around you.

"he... he saved me, you know? i don't know if it makes you feel any better, but when nobara and i were alone, he looked after us." she begins to ramble, something that nitta always did when she was nervous. "i'm so, so sorry. he's a good man." she doesn't have the heart to speak about him in the past tense.

"do... was he alone? did he go in alone? after seeing you?"

nitta shakes her head. "he went in alone to meet with zen'in's group." you nod.

"he also met up with fushiguro and itadori. itadori was with him when..." shoko adds.

"is yuji okay? he's seen too much already..." you worry. both women couldn't help but feel their hearts ache. despite your own pain, you were concerned about itadori— no wonder nanami had fallen in love with you.

shoko nods. "okkotsu and fushiguro are with him."

everything in the room is quiet as you process it all. you find yourself fidgeting with the ring on your left hand. after a few moments, you could have sworn it shone for a second. you looked up to see the source of the light, but were met with none. somehow such a small occurrence made you feel more at ease. it was almost as if nanami was sending you a reminder that he's here with you, even after death. you recall the feeling of his embrace, the feeling of him wiping your tears with the soft pad of his thumb. your kento always knew how to make the most devastating moments feel lighter... yet those all felt like nothing compared to this new heartbreak.

#♡｡ now tracking: landausgf ☆.ᐟ #jjk drabbles #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jjk angst #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #kento nanami x reader #nanami kento x reader #nanami drabbles #nanami angst #nanami kento angst

89 notes · View notes

meguemii · 5 months

Text

Melancholy.

Synopsis- In which Megumi Fushiguro passes away and reader struggles with her grief, and lashes out on her friends eventually trying to get herself together

warnings- mentions of death and the seven stages of grief, a fair bit of angst. reader uses she/her pronouns but it’s not described what she looks like.

word count. 2.9k

navigation station🚉

megumi fushiguro’s playlist. i recommend listening to it while reading

emi note — i haven’t written a lot of angst and this was a bigger thing for me so bare with me. if it comes off as repetitive i’m so sorry [sobs] this was like half proof read so don’t mind that. LOL. enjoy !!♡

Sometime had passed since the passing of Megumi Fushiguro, and it was hard on everyone. It was hard on you, he was the light of your life, the man you planned on starting a family with. You had never imagined not being with him everyday, never thought he would cease to exist. It was odd, it was painful, excruciating.

Those words of love and promises that amounted to nothing in the end.

07/23/19

“Give him back.” you demanded angrily, pounding on the ground where his grave site lie. Hot tears streaming down puffy cheeks, teeth grit as you took out your anger.

“Give him back to me!” screaming with such a raw emotion. Now throwing a fit on the ground as you sobbed, tears and spit flying everywhere as you roared with negative emotions. Everyone watched with sadness, they had all lost him. They lost their friend, classmate, comrade.. but they knew you lost more than that. You lost a part of yourself with him. You had lost your best friend, your rock, the moon who controlled the tides of your emotions, the love of your life. Your soul mate.

Sad eyes followed your every movement, sad ears bared to listen to your broken words.

“Get away.” you turned around and spat at the people who watched.

“Y/N.. we’re here for you and Megumi..” Nobara spoke softly trying to calm you down as she walked towards you. “Do not come near me.” You yelled still on all fours clenching the ground below. “You don’t deserve to be here. None of you!” The hatred that poured out from your voice, the flurrying sadness in your eyes. Yuji was choking back tears as he bit his lip while it trembled. Nobara stumbled back giving you the space you were demanding.

Did you really want space or did you want everyone to see you. See the way you were hurting.

No one wanted to see you like this, couldn’t stand it, and eventually they left one by one until it was just you. You were the last one to stay by him. You would forever be the last one to stay by him. In your mind at the moment no one else deserved to grieve and mourn with you like this, they may have been his friends but you were him and he was you.

“i hate you. I hate you. I hate you!” Sad and angry lies spewing from deep within your gut. Animalistic. Guttural.

This went on until a hand rest on your shoulder. Head whipping around to look at the person interrupting your grieving. Blue eyes met with your own, they didn’t have the usual spark and familiar joy in them anymore. Eyes were just as dull as yours. “Take your hand off of me sensei.”

Gojo frowned at you shaking his head, squatting beside you.

“This really sucks, doesn’t it?” he softly asked you as he longingly looked at the tombstone that sat in front of the two of you.

A calming wave started washing over you, the anger and frustration slowly washing away with it from your trembling stature. “Yeah, something like that” followed by a sad chuckle.

It was weird. Losing someone was weird. You were angry? sad? Amused? Nothing right now made sense.

Silence enveloped the two of you as you sat by his grave. It was more so both of you processing your emotions and not being able to fathom any words. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Megumi was supposed to stay forever, he was a calm summer breeze. The breeze that soothed the summer heat when it got hard to deal with. The breeze that made you stop and enjoy life while taking a breather.

“He was your son, I cannot imagine how you feel Gojo.” finally speaking up. “Satoru.” he corrected you. “right.. I cannot imagine how you feel Satoru” neither looking at the other. Eyes still glued to the writing on the tombstone, it just didn’t feel real to anyone.

“He was my son, and he was.. is your sun, he is the love of your life and I’m sure this is and going to be just as hard for you as it will for me” he replied placing a hand on your back.

“It’s not gonna get easier kiddo, but he’ll be here watching you. Making sure you’re okay. He loved and loves you so much.” Gojo said with such sadness winding through his words of.. comfort? Standing up and dusting himself off.

Taking one last look at Megumi and averting his eyes to now finally look at you. “Don’t forget that.”

10/12/18

He was right, it didn’t get easier. It got harder. You had gone through a few stages of grief. Anger was long gone, bargaining had hit you like a truck. Wishing it was you instead of him but your friends had helped you through with that. Denial and Guilt is what you were going through now. Feeling guilty for how you had treated the people who just wanted to be there for you and Gojo, and feeling guilty for not treating Megumi as good as you possibly could have.

Wishing to go back in time and be more grateful for him, more grateful for his patience, his loyalty, the way he remembered everything about you. There was so much more you wish you could have done and you felt like throwing up all the time.

You were also constantly in denial thinking you’d wake up in the morning turning over and hoping when you opened up your eyes that he’d still be there to say good morning and call you love. Asking what you wanted for breakfast. It’s what you guys would do every weekend when you didn’t have classes.

You asked Nobara to stay with you on weekends so you weren’t alone. You hated being alone. But it was almost just as painful waking up to see Nobara instead of an empty spot in your bed.

You started hearing his voice everywhere and all the time. Dropping whatever to go and look for him and being disappointed every time. Dreaming about him all the time and waking up in tears. It was hard trying to find the inner peace he left in your mind and soul.

You guessed you could cross off loneliness off your list although that would forever be carried along with you for as long as you live without him.

12/17/19

Christmas was nearing and everyone seemed to be in the holiday spirit as they decorated the dorm building. You sat on the couch watching. A world of hurt and sadness was really all you felt, this was the first time in awhile you had left your room to actually spend time with everyone and do something. You wanted to help out but it would just be painful and you also didn’t want to put a drag on everyone’s cheery mood. You smiled at them in envy, wishing you could get over it by now. It’s been months and you just can’t catch a break.

Christmas was your favourite holiday and now it just sucked. Inumaki had put on the fake fireplace video from youtube and played Christmas music. Listening to that and everyone’s chatter as well as laughs was a nice ambience that clouded your thoughts. The only person who wasn’t participating in decorating was Yuta, he sat beside you smiling at everyone who was hard at work, turning to you and asking why you weren’t doing the same in which you replied “I could ask you the same thing” with a snort and a playful eye roll. “Touchè Y/N” you scoffed at the word ‘touchè’

“What’s on your mind?” He asked already knowing the answer but he wanted to let you get it out. You paused, you knew you wouldn’t cry. You were past the point of tears just an empty feeling now. “I just wish he was here..” It was a vague answer but it said everything that needed to be said at the same time. “It’s tough.. and I’m sorry you have to feel like this and deal with this. I wish I could still grieve like you are.” he paused to think as you looked at him puzzled. “I feel guilty for not mourning his death as long as you have but don’t get me wrong! I wish you didn’t have to feel like this!” He apologized realizing how his statement could have come off. You laughed at him. First time you had laughed in a while. Reassuring him that you got what he meant.

Getting up from your spot and standing in front of him, extending your hand for him to get up as well. “Let’s decorate some stuff, they can’t do anything without us” Trying to feel like yourself again. Baby steps is all you could do right now and distracting yourself by doing minuscule tasks like this would suffice for now. Yuta took your hand giving you a bright smile while getting up.

A little bit of time had passed and eventually everyone had started to retreat back to their rooms except for you, yuta, inumaki and nobara who sat on the couch showing each other stupid tiktok’s. You and Yuta were chatting, you had felt better than when you had earlier.. feeling a bit more fulfilled. Checking the time seeing as it had gotten pretty late you said your good nights but before you got up you made sure to thank Yuta for helping you.

12/25/19 8:30am.

Christmas had rolled around fast. Once again you had been sat on the couch as everyone exchanged gifts, you had a bitter sweet smile on your face knowing he should have been there. God you had wished to see his locks of spikey black hair, his deep blue eyes and that half smile, his angsty demeanour that surrounded him everywhere he went.

You had gotten him a gift knowing he would never be able to open it but it was okay. “Y/N! I got you a really great gift I know you’ll love!” Nobara said as she gushed handing you a present. It snapped you back from your thoughts and you smiled warmly at her. Carefully unwrapping the paper around it, finding what looked to be a box that jewelry would come in. You opened it to find a pearly necklace with a gold hearted locket in the centre. Opening the lock you could see a picture of your best friends and him, as well as you. All big smiles on your faces except for his, typical. You laughed as you got up and hugged her, some happy tears escaped your eyes but it was okay. Thanking her you turned around and lifted your hair so she could put it on you.

Sitting back down and wiping some of those stray tears you felt okay. You felt good. Everything would be okay. You were starting to accept that he was gone but his memories and memories of him would always be with you and everyone else. Christmas would be nice.

As everything was finishing up Gojo had tapped your shoulder and smiled as he hid something behind his back. “I got you something too Kiddo, I hope it doesn’t put a down on your mood but I know these are one of your favourite things” you looked at him confused as you never confided in him for really anything. He handed you a bouquet of white lilies and your gaze softened and your smile fell to a weaker one. White lilies, the flower of purity and rebirth.“Thank you sensei” taking the flowers and giving him a half hug. pulling away and looking at the flowers knowing what you would do with them.

“Y/N, I got you something as well!” Yuji chimed in as he approached you. “Here. It’s a photo of you and Megumi” A photo of the two of you from your beach trip eating ice cream. You hadn’t even know that the photo had been taken, you smiled at Yuji giving him a half hug as well thanking him profusely. Taking another look at it, it was framed by a beautifully stained wooden frame. The dark grainy wood with two initials engraved in it, an M and a _. You knew what you would be doing with this as well.

Excusing yourself from everyone and bringing all of the gifts you had received from everyone back to your room.

12/25/19 3:20pm.

You sat at his grave as you talked to him as if he were still here. It helped ease that aching feeling that never truly went away when you were by yourself. “Gumi, I got some really nice gifts today but I thought you should have them.” turning to your back and pulling out the picture frame and putting it down where he rest. “Yuji got this for me. I didn’t even know he took this picture” an asymmetrical smile tugging at your cheeks lifting them slightly. “Merry Christmas Megumi”

Reaching to open your locket and look at the photo “Nobara got this one for me, it’s beautiful, huh? I also have one more thing” reaching back into the bag to grab the flowers. Pausing as your finger tips grazed the petals.

Tears quickly flowed from your eyes, what was even the point of this. Why were you talking to someone who wasn’t even here? All that lay below was a pile of bones in a suit and a tombstone that read his name, birthday and date of death. “This bites.”

Loud sobs filled the air as they usually did here. Every time you came it always ended up like this. Feeling stupid for talking to a grave, feeling stupid for not being able to pull yourself together as well as get your shit together and stand on your own two feet again. This feeling of loneliness and vacancy. “I wish you were here, I wish I could physically talk to you, physically hug you. I wish I could physically see you again.”

You couldn’t even hear the sound of snow crunching as someone walked up to you until you felt a tap on your shoulder again just as you did that day. Turning around to look up at whoever disturbed you, red and puffy eyes. “Hey kid” he greeted quietly as he crouched beside you like he did before. “It hurts. I didn’t want everyone else to see me break down again. I’ve been acting too depressing around them as much as it is, and doing it in christmas would be such a selfish thing to do” you sniffled, stuttering over your words trying to calm yourself down enough to speak, with every word you felt your throat burn. “They would understand, I promise” he resssured. “But I also get where you’re coming from. It’s been a rough few months for everyone and everyone’s been off, just trying to get through it. You’ve been taking it the worst though.” Once again your broken sobs filled the air as you hugged him grasping at any sort of comfort. “I wish I was as strong as them, as strong as you. as strong as him. He would have gotten his shit together so long ago” Gojo paused for moments trying to find the right words to say and he held you. “You are strong, just as strong as everyone else. Y/N you have to deal with all of this and holding onto him is the strongest thing anyone could do. You are taking your times coming to terms with this shitty hand you’ve been dealt and acceptance doesn’t have to come right away.”

It felt like time had stopped as you continued to cry into Gojo’s shoulder. Snow flakes fell as your tears started to stick to your face from the cold. You felt pathetic as you snotted all over Gojo, the fact that he had seen you like this too many times but it was nice you could rely on him. He was the closest you’d get to your late boyfriend and it was comforting knowing you could be like this around him without judgment. Finally pulling away and wiping your nose as you laughed sadly apologizing.“No worries kiddo, i’m always here to be your snot rag.” he ruffled your hair and gave you a smile. Even without seeing his eyes you knew his had pain searing throughout his as well.

“I know he’s gone but it’s so lonely. I’m always surrounded by this weird feeling I can’t put my finger on. It’s whenever I think of him, think of our memories, our plans we made.. I feel this.. this?” You paused trying to find the right word. “Melancholy. You feel melancholic.” You turned back to the bag and grabbed the white lilies Gojo had gotten you and laid them on top of Megumi’s headstone and started at it and sighed longingly as well as relieved knowing you could finally put a word to the feeling. “Yeah.. Melancholy.”

Snow still lightly fell as you and Satoru Gojo had started at his name leaning into each other. Acceptance. He was gone and that was okay, you would be okay, he would always be here whether it was physically or not.

“I‘ll see you again Megs”

A warmth embracing you almost like he was there hugging you saying that he can’t wait.

I hope this wasn’t like crazy awful because I was actually trying LMAO. in the christmas spirit i present you all with hard hitting megumi angst. don’t hate me. Like I said I only half proof read and over half of this I was stuck listening to my friends rage at cod LMAOO.

We love dad! gojo, being so supportive of the reader, i was afraid it would seem inappropriate that him and reader were hugging but like he’s just comforting his sons literal girlfriend who lost just as much as he did and he STILL stayed strong her HER. We also love Yuta for being her first big push to getting her back to being herself

reblogs and comments are vv appreciated ٩( 'ω' )و

Much love from emi!!🩷

tag list— feel free to ask to be tagged in future fics :3

@kasumitenbaz

116 notes · View notes

izartela · 8 months

Text

What if they couldn't get Leo out of the Prison Dimension?

It's been months since the invasion; months since they last saw Leonardo's devastated face behind the too-quickly closing orange portal.

Months since Donatello holed himself up in his lab to find a way to get his brother back.

Considering Mikey's current level of mystic ability and the strain opening that portal already put on him, another attempt at the orange turtle forcing his way through the dimensional barriers was out of the question unless they wanted to risk losing him too. While his remaining brothers were slowly losing hope and already going through various stages of the grieving process, Donatello was not about to give up that easily.

So he worked tirelessly (apart from sparse naps at his desk when his body refused to stay awake any longer), with empty coffee cups as the only indication of the passage of time. His family tried to get him to rest more but gave up around the three-month mark after he blew up at them and used every cheap trick in the book to hurt them. He wasn't proud of that, but it had to be done; he couldn't afford to be interrupted, not before he brings his twin back.

But one thing shouted at him off-handedly during that fight stuck in his head. "Are you sure there's a Leo left to rescue?"

It struck him then that his family had already given up on Leo and gave him all the more fuel to spit out every horrible thing he could think of at them.

I mean, yeah, they all saw Kraang Prime catch Leonardo right before the portal fizzed out; they all knew that he didn't have his swords anymore to help him fight, but come on! Have some faith in him! Leo always had some convoluted clever plan that would get him out of trouble (usually through more trouble, yes, but ultimately out of it regardless).

Donnie trusted his brother to push through and survive—for his family.

Still, those despondent words were now stuck in his mind, no matter how much he negated them. He had to make sure that Leo was okay. He had to try to connect with his communicator. Maybe they would even be able to talk if he made the connection strong enough! He had tried it briefly before, but he hadn't bothered to enhance the signal at the time, deciding to focus solely on rescue attempts.

The number of empty coffee cups only grew as he switched his focus to learning everything he could about interdimensional signal amplification. There wasn't much information on the subject (with humans being woefully ignorant about pocket dimensions—or any other dimensions for that matter—and yokai, in turn, being ignorant about technology), but he followed every crumb he could get his hands on, no matter how ridiculous. He lost count of the different attempts at connecting with Leo's communicator. Voice communication seemed to be out of the question, at least for now, but surely he could at least check up on his brother's status. To at least make sure that he was okay.

That there was still a Leo left to rescue.

However, no matter what he tried, he always got the same message from the system: 'pulse not found.' It was still the same message as before he even began his signal enhancement attempts. Nothing he did would yield a different result.

He did everything he could, used every option available to him. How could he not have gotten any signal by now?! Not even the faintest of heartbeats, made irregular by the signal disturbances and fluctuations across dimensions?!

Or perhaps...

Donatello didn't want to let the thought enter his head, but it still poked and prodded at his brain after every failed attempt.

What if he had already managed to connect, and the message was actually reflecting the truth?

What if Leonardo was already gone?...

93 notes · View notes

codfanficedits · 7 months

Text

One fucking mistake - Part Six

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x fem!Reader - She/her pronouns being used

Summary: Simon lost you after making a mistake on a mission.

Wordcount: 2164 | Rating: E (18+ only!)

Warnings: DEPRESSION (and not the uwu am a little sad kind) ,cussing, swearing, grieving, angst with no comfort, conversation, blaming, therapist, mentioning of flashbacks

A/N: Part six! I would like to mention that the portrayal of the depression is the way I have experienced mine, the therapist appointment is also one that I have experienced myself. I understand that this might not be the same for everyone, but please be kind.

Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Part 5 ~ AO3 Link

The days are starting to look the same, they melt together in a blur of grief.

He lays in bed, unless he really has to get out. A quick visit to the bathroom and back to bed he goes. When he is unable to ignore his rumbling stomach, he orders some takeaway, just to eat it on the couch, the empty cartons starting to flood the place. But he doesn’t care, not in the slightest, he doesn’t care when he can see the mold on the little pieces of food left in the pizza box.

He doesn’t care when he can smell himself whenever he gets into the bedroom again, he doesn’t care when he rewatches the same show for the fifth time, not a care in the world when his screentime is over sixteen hours a day. He doesn’t care when he stops answering texts, he doesn’t care when calls are met with a loud sigh, annoyed that they’re interrupting the game he was playing.

Simon despises the days he has to go to therapy, it is the only day in the week where he has to get up, shower, wash his hair and brush his teeth. It is the only day of the week where the rotten air from home is replaced by fresh outside air, and he hates it, the comfort of his home being ripped away, just like you got ripped away.

His legs bounces while he sits in the waiting room, he still feels as if he doesn’t belong to therapy, while he knows that there is something wrong, he doesn’t want to admit it, he doesn’t want to accept the help.

He frowns when he gets called in by someone else than his usual therapist, but he goes in anyway.

“Where is she?” He asks bluntly as he goes to sit down in the same comfortable chair he always sit in.

“Who?”

“My usual therapist.”

The woman in front of him frowns. “She didn’t feel as if she was booking process with you, so she asked me to take over. Didn’t she tell you?”

Simon can only shrug, truth be told, he never paid enough attention to even remember anything from those sessions. “Could be.”

Her lips press together until they are a faint line and Simon can tell he doesn’t like her one bit.

“Let me introduce myself.” She continues. “My name is Sarah, and I’m…” He zones out within seconds, pushing her voice to the background.

“Simon!” She has a fucking sharp voice.

“What.”

“I’m talking to you.”

Simon raises an eyebrow, this is the first time a therapist has been this direct to him. “Right.” He mumbles. “Continue.”

“Did you get anything I just said?” Sarah asks him.

“Well, your name is Sarah, and..” His voice dies out. “That’s all.” He adds with a sheepish tone.

“Why are you here, Simon?” She asks him, as she holds the clipboard to her chest.

Because my captain asked me to.

But he stays silent, just shrugging as she asks him that question.

“Do you even want to be here?”

Simon frowns at the second question, of course he doesn’t want to be here. “No.”

“Then why bother coming anyway?”

Because you would’ve been so disappointed in him if he didn’t at least try. But Simon knows that what he is doing isn’t even close to trying at all. It is just easier to lie to himself that he is trying.

“Because..” His voice his hoarse.

Because he wants to get rid of that feeling of guilt, that is weighing him down on his chest, the feeling that keeps him up at night, being so heavy that he worries that he’ll suffocate in the matrass if he acknowledges it. Because he wants to deal with the grief that came with losing you, because every little thing outside of the routine that he has created for himself reminds him of you. Because he wants to be happy again, but just the mere thought of it feels like a betrayal to you.

Because, because, because.

But the words leave him, just like he left you there to die by yourself, and the thought of that tightens his chest, his ribs suffocating his lungs and it feels like he can’t breathe. Short burst of air leaving his nose when he tries to wipe away the image. That familiar feeling again, a panic attack waiting in the shadows of his mind.

God not here, not now.

But Sarah doesn’t react, she doesn’t try to talk him out of it, instead she just lets it happen, observing how he handles it.

His hands pressing against his temples. He doesn’t want to think about you, about leaving you, he doesn’t want to be confronted by his mistake.

Deep breath in through your mouth, exhaling out your nose.

He remembers the advice you gave him, you’d walked in on him having one as he sat down on the shower floor. He tries to remember your voice, your face when you said it to him. But he can’t. Fuck. He can’t.

He loves you, so why is he forgetting it? Why is your face becoming a blur. Why is your voice different in every memory.

Deep breath in through your mouth, exhaling out your nose.

The panic dies out after a few deep breaths, guilt popping up like the mushrooms do around autumn.

“Why are you here, Simon?” Sarah repeats the question.

“Because I can’t live like this anymore.”

“Like what?”

A scowl forms on his face, he hates feeling this vulnerable, it makes him feel weak and he still feels as if he should overcome this with ease. “Living in my own filth because I can’t be bothered to actually live.”

“Why can’t you be bothered to actually live, Simon?”

For fuck sakes, he hates how many questions she is asking, he hates how it forces him to think about things he doesn’t want to think about, things he has crammed away in the shadows of his mind.

“Because I don’t deserve it!” His voice is louder than he wanted it to be, but part of him hopes it scares her off, that it makes her stop asking questions.

But it doesn’t, Sarah doesn’t bat an eye.

“Why do you feel as if you don’t deserve to live?”

Because you didn’t get to live.

“Because I killed her, I begged her to come with me on a mission that killed her. I am the reason she is no longer walking on this earth. She said no the first time and I’m a selfish asshole for taking her with me!” God it feels good to get that off his chest.

Sarah stays silent, and the silence causes his words to float in the air.

“She said yes herself, right?” Sarah eventually says. “Why are you holding yourself accountable for that?”

“Because she said no the first time. And I bribed her with doing the dishes.” He spat out.

God he hated how Sarah would let his answers linger in the air, it meant he had to think, think about what happened, think about his answers, think about how actions, how it affected everything.

How he would never give himself peace.

“Because I keep wondering how life would’ve been if I had accepted her first no, I wonder how I would be if she wouldn’t have gone with me. Because. I. I. I.” Simon starts to stutter, the words flooding out him, things he had kept hidden to rot inside of him.

“Because I know that she would’ve been alive if it wasn’t for me.” A tiny voice for a big soldier.

“You can’t change what happened, Simon.”

Of course he can’t! Fuck, it annoys him. “I know.” He grits his teeth.

“Do you think she would want you to live like this?”

Fuck, a cold sensation running over him, his stomach feels as if it is doing summersaults.

“No, no, I don’t think so.” He eventually admits. Of course not, you would only want the best for him, you would’ve wanted him to move on, to make something out of his life. Oh God, you were always so sweet, so innocent, and he, he took you away from this world.

That same feeling in his chest again, he presses his eyes shut.

The image of that fucking flash grenade sticking out of the debris again. Haunting him, taunting him.

As the tightness in his chest gets worse, he can’t stop the hot tears falling down.

Fucking weak.

“Simon.”

“Simon?”

“Simon!”

Sarah’s voice brings him back to reality, but not just enough, flashbacks running through his mind while he tries to feel the fabric of the chair under his fingertips.

“Tell me what is happening, Simon.”

Short, quick breaths, the tightening in his chest becoming worse, and worse.

“Simon? Tell me what you’re seeing, right now.”

He wants to open his eyes, he wants it to stop, but this is the clearest he has seen you in weeks. He doesn’t want to lose this, even though it hurt like something he has never felt before. He wants it to stop, but he doesn’t want it to end.

“The mission.” He mutters.

Silence again. He hates how Sarah lets him struggle with his emotions, his feelings, and he wants his old therapist back, whatshername, who would fill up the silence so he wouldn’t have to.

“I keep replaying the mission in my head.” Simon adds.

“Tell me.” Sarah commands. “Walk me through what is happening.”

“It always starts the same.” He begins. “Always.”

“How does it start?”

“We’re waiting for the chopper. We’re both wearing a bulletproof vest, and I make sure hers is safe. I tug on it a little, a few times actually. I would brush the skin of her cheeks with my knuckles.” It is a whisper, but it is a start.

“And then we move to the chopper, she is sitting next to me, and all I see is her beauty. It was supposed to be an easy mission and she is talking, talking about how she will let me do all the dishes she can find, she is teasing me about having to wear an apron while I’m doing the dishes.” His breathing is starting to get more controlled.

“It was supposed to be an abandoned area.” Simon continues, his hands gripping the armrest of the chair. “I let my guard down, we were joking too much, laughing too hard. The enemy must’ve heard us. And then, then, then.”

“Stop.” Sarah says. “Put the film on hold, and tell me what you see.”

“I see her, the sun high on the sky, a smile on her face, not a worry in her eyes. And then I spot the flash grenade. And I want to warn her, but it’s too late.” Simons starts.

“Okay.” No it’s not okay.

“Can you put yourself in the image?”

“What?”

“Put yourself in the situation, standing alongside yourself and her.”

Silence again.

“Can you do it, Simon?”

“Yeah.” He mutters, feeling awkward, but he can, standing next to himself and next to you.

“Is there anything you’d like to say to her?”

His heart starts to race again. Yes, yes, yes! There are so many things he would like to say to you, so many things that he wants you to hear, but that will never reach you.

“I. I. I want to tell that I’m so, so sorry.” He begins. “I want to say that I should’ve listened to her, that if I could do it all over again, I would do it differently.”

He holds back a sob.

“I want to tell her that I will always love her, that she will always be a part of me, no matter what happens, no matter how old I grow, no matter who comes in to my life, she will always matter.” The raw words leave his lips, dragging the heavy feeling from his heart with them, leaving him able to breathe for the first time in months.

“Can you hug her?”

What a stupid question. But he can, and he does, he presses his eyes shut and hugs you, and although it is in his imagination, it feels real, for him it is real. The version of you that got one more hug, tells him that he is forgiven, and it brings a little bit of peace to him.

Simon finally opens his eyes again. “God.” He breathes.

“How does that feel?” Sarah asks.

“Better.” He admits.

“Good.” Is that a smile on her lips?

“Are you going to be able to handle being alone?” Sarah breaks the silence.

“Yeah.” And for the first time it does feel like he is able to handle being alone. For the first time he wants to go outside, to breathe the fresh air. Hell, he even wants to grab the bin and clean the house.

He wants to live again.

71 notes · View notes

stevesjockstrap · 7 months

Text

Eddie Month day 12

prompt: soulmates & perceptive & Eight - Sleeping at Last | read on ao3

rated: T | a/n: This was supposed to be fluffy and cute but then this song, man

I remember the minute It was like a switch was flipped I was just a kid who grew up strong enough To pick this armor up And suddenly it fit God, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago I was little, I was weak and perfectly naive And I grew up too quick

Steve had called a meeting. It had been getting out of hand.

“Listen guys, it’s completely normal for everyone to be processing Eddie’s death in different ways…” Dustin was already shaking his head about to interrupt him, so he put his hand up. “He’s gone, buddy. And that sucks, and it’s hard, but it’s going to be okay.”

Dustin and Will exchanged a look.

“Go ahead and say it,” he sighed and sank onto the coffee table in front of them, his head in his hands.

“We both had the same dream about him last night. And Max and Lucas said he was in their dream the night before. Sometimes he can talk and sometimes he can’t. Last night, Will was able to ask him a question!”

Steve looked up at them. At their little hopeful faces. He knew this was the closest they’d dealt with death before. Dustin had been up close and personal with someone he loved when they just slipped away. But this wasn’t something he knew how to deal with.

“What did you ask?”

“I asked him if we could help him. And he got excited. Jumping around and waving. When he was able to, he just said one word.” Will looked at Dustin. Like he wasn’t sure he wanted to give this information to Steve. Steve wasn’t sure he wanted it, either.

“Guys, look, maybe we can get Owens to get someone for you to talk to, this-“ he let his head fall into his hands again. He wouldn’t cry in front of them. But he was so close.

Will reached out to touch his arm. “Steve, he said your name. He said ‘Steve.’ Like it was the answer. Have you… has he shown up in your dreams yet?”

Steve coughed out a sob, barbed wires tangling around his throat as he tried to hold them back. That was the kicker, wasn’t it? Eddie hadn’t visited him in his dreams. Only the party and now Max. El couldn’t find him in any dimensions. He shook his head, not able to lift it up or speak.

“Okay, it’s okay,” Robin sat next to him and pulled him into her chest. That didn’t help the silent sobs wracking his body. This wasn’t how this was supposed to be going. He was supposed to be comforting the kids. Telling them this is fine and normal but to stop trying to make it something supernatural and just grieve.

Robin held him and seemed to have sent everyone silently to another room. Or maybe that had been Nancy. Anyways when he’d raised his head he was thankful he didn’t have an audience to his puffy snotty face.

“I don’t know how to fix this, Bobby. This isn’t something I can hit with a bat or throw Molotov cocktails at. How do I be there for the kids while I’m trying to hold myself together, too?”

“You just keep doing it, babe. You can be weak in front of them. You show them that it’s hard but it gets easier, and you talk to them. These dreams have to mean they’re processing it, but they’re not used to having a problem they can’t fight or a puzzle that needs solving. We all just have to keep doing what we’re doing and being as normal as possible.”

They both laughed. “Who do we know who’s normal?”

“Not a clue.”

Now you won't see all that I have to lose And all I've lost in the fight to protect it I won't let you in, I swore never again I can't afford, no, I refuse to be rejected I want to break these bones 'til they're better I want to break them right and feel alive You were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong My healing needed more than time

Eddie was in his bedroom at the trailer again. He usually ended up there, more often than not. Probably because that’s where he spent most of his time. When he was alive.

He picked around in the debris. Chuckling to himself, he picked up the Magic 8 Ball he found under his bed.

“Am I dead?” He asked before shaking it vigorously.

The little die inside stopped. Signs point to yes.

“Where is my body?” Cannot predict now.

Eddie threw the thing with a howl.

When I see fragile things, helpless things, broken things I see the familiar I was little, I was weak, I was perfect, too Now I'm a broken mirror

Steve laid awake in his dark bedroom, staring around at the shadows. He blinked. The shadow behind his door moved. He wrapped his hand around the hilt of the bat under his pillow. The shadow moved towards him slowly.

Eddie sat on the floor next to the bed, fidgeting with his hands and mumbling to himself.

It was so normal for a second Steve was about to ask him what was wrong. Why he was creeping around in his house at night without waking him up. Steve told himself he’d fallen asleep and he was finally getting to see Eddie in his dream.

When Eddie looked up at Steve, they made eye contact and Eddie was the one who seemed shocked. His big eyes widened even more and his eyebrows disappeared under his bangs. Crab-walking backwards to try to get away. When he banged into the wall he stopped.

“Are you okay?” Steve breathed, unable to help himself.

“Can you see me?”

“Yeah?”

“What? How?”

Steve shook his head. “I don’t know.” He sat up, but forced himself not to approach Eddie. “What are you?”

Eddie huffed a shallow laugh. “That’s the million dollar question, Harrington. I don’t even know. I remember getting attacked by the bats. I remember talking to Dustin, and your face. Then nothing. I’ve been kind of popping up places. I figured out how to touch things, after a while.”

“And go in the kids dreams.” His voice was low and dry.

Eddie winced with a nod. “It was an accident, the first time. I’d just, brushed Dustin’s hair out of his face. Then I was there. With him. But we couldn’t really talk to each other. Nothing like this. And you’re awake. No one awake has been able to see me.”

“But it’s you? Really you?”

“As far as I know.” Eddie shrugged.

They stared at each other for a few moments before Steve jumped out of bed, scaring both of them as the bat still in his hand dropped to the floor.

“What are you doing?” Eddie yelped.

“I have to call Robin.”

But I can't let you see all that I have to lose All I've lost in the fight to protect it I can't let you in, I swore never again I can't afford to let myself be blindsided

“Where?”

“Right there.” Steve pointed at him, sitting on the couch.

“There’s nothing there, Steve.” Robin looked back at him with a sad look on her face. “Are you sure this isn’t from the meeting tonight? You’re projecting, because you’re in-“

“No, Robin. And stop talking like that. Eddie is here, and it’s- it’s not polite.” That didn’t make sense to any of them, apparently.

“I told you no one’s been able to hear or see me, Steve.” He sighed, pulling his legs up onto the couch to hug them. “Well, except for you.”

When it got late enough in the morning to call everyone else, they all came over. Steve made pancakes and coffee and they all filed in. No one else could see or hear him.

He took to staying close by Steve’s side, it was unsettling when people walked through him or accidentally sank through him sitting on the couch. The kids were constantly asking where he was in the room or asking Steve what he was saying. It got to be too much after not having any attention on him, so he was hiding out a bit in the kitchen with Steve. He didn’t mind because everyone was sort of looking at him like he was making this all up, even after a round of questions that only Eddie would know.

“It’s okay, Eddie. We’re going to figure this out.”

Steve reached to him, seemingly on autopilot. But he felt pressure on his shoulder where he was touching. They both froze. Steve turned to look at him.

“Eds-“

“I can feel you. Holy shit, Steve.” He put his hand on top of his on his shoulder. They stared at each other for a moment, then Steve yelled for Robin.

I'm standing guard, I'm falling apart And all I want is to trust you Show me how to lay my sword down For long enough to let you through Here I am, pry me open What do you want to know? I'm just a kid who grew up scared enough To hold the door shut And bury my innocence But here's a map, here's a shovel Here's my Achilles' heel

“I know what this sounds like. I know, okay? Please stop looking at me like that.”

“Steve, I’m sorry. I know it’s been hard. But you’re saying you’re the only one able to see, hear, and now touch the dead guy you had a crush on. Yesterday you were the one who wanted to have an intervention because the kids were dreaming about him. I think I have a right to be concerned.”

Steve paced around his bedroom. “Yesterday!” He stopped and went to sit next to her on his bed. She looked at him sadly again. “Look, Rob, yesterday Will told me Eddie said my name in his dream! And today he showed up to me. That has to mean something. Maybe he’s stuck somewhere, or he’s getting stronger. Please just believe that I’m not hallucinating or losing my mind, okay?”

I'm all in, palms out I'm at your mercy now and I'm ready to begin I am strong, I am strong, I am strong enough to let you in

Steve had gone to talk to Robin again, and he’d promised he’d stay downstairs. He’d put Eleven in charge of him, guarding a dining room chair so no one sat on him. She seemed nice, he couldn’t talk to her or touch her, but she looked vaguely where his face would be and talked quietly to him, like this was normal.

Steve came back downstairs with Robin and they both came over to him. El wrapped an arm around Steve’s waist and Steve casually dropped a kiss to the top of her head. He tore his gaze away from them. Trying to ignore the selfish wanting in his gut.

“Eddie, Will said yesterday in his dream you, uh, you said my name. Like an answer when he asked if we could help. Do you remember that?”

“Oh. Yeah. It’s hard for me to talk to them like that. I have to chose my words carefully. But I said your name, because I couldn't go in your dreams. When I’d find myself in your room, and tried, you know, touching your forehead, nothing would happen. I assumed it was a clue. Something that was different, at least. You know?”

He relayed that to Robin and Eleven. They didn’t seem impressed.

“You said something about touching things before?”

Eddie nodded. Then he got it. “Oh yeah. I’m sorry I forgot about that. I should be able to move stuff around. I’ve, uh, never done it with an audience.” Eddie felt terrible for not thinking of this sooner, he’d been watching and listening to everyone all morning, thinking Steve was delusional or having hallucinations.

They all went to the living room. Eddie started getting anxious. He laughed to himself. When Steve raised an eyebrow at him, he laughed out a, “performance anxiety.” Steve shook his head and laughed.

Steve handed him a book from a shelf. He took it, concentrating on keeping the book in his hand. Robin and Nancy gasped. The kids nodded and laughed.

He tossed the book to Robin, who flailed but caught the book between flat hands. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry, Eddie. Steve, I-“

“It’s fine. I didn’t believe the kids either until last night.”

Nancy and Robin bombarded him and Steve with more questions.

I'ma shake the ground with all my might And I will pull my whole heart up to the surface For the innocent, for the vulnerable And I'll show up on the front lines with a purpose

Steve ended up having to limit the amount of magic tricks they all were asking Eddie to do, he even disappeared for about an hour and Steve was terrified they’d broken him or exhausted him or something. But suddenly he was standing back in the dining room. He explained he didn’t ever have control over where he popped around to. He’d ended up back at the old trailer. Dustin hypothesized that he needed to go back there to recharge. Steve explained Eddie’s shrug and look of uncertainty. Steve gave up his spot on the couch for him, but leaned against the arm and into his legs. He didn’t feel solid, but he didn’t fall through him like the kids had. It was tingly along his bare arm, not unpleasantly. Eddie reached a hand down to caress his cheek. Steve gasped and had to make up something stupid when everyone looked over at him. Argyle piped up from the corner a few minutes later, “You know, maybe you’re soulmates and your soul called his back. Like, that’s why you’re the only one who can see or hear him. And you’re who he asked for.”

Steve gulped and couldn’t make himself look up at Eddie. Until his hand came down to pull his chin up, to see Eddie beaming at him, tears in his eyes. “That sounds right.”

And I'll give all I have, I'll give my blood, give my sweat An ocean of tears will spill for what is broken I'm shattered porcelain, glued back together again Invincible like I've never been

@eddiemonth

#Eddie month #eddie month fic #Mine #Steddie #steddie fic #steddie soulmates au #Stranger things #stranger things fic #eddie munson #ghost!eddie #Maybe need a part two Kinktober fic with ghost!sex?

49 notes · View notes

pomplalamoose · 6 months

Note

Can we pls have some anh luke hc just after he joined the rebellion?🙏

Aaaahhhh that's a super interesting ask, especially because this doesn't get talked about in the movies or the books👀

I apologize if these are a little bit messy and all over the place, I had a very long day at work and wasn't sure whether I should post at all (but I really wanted to lol so here you go, anon🩵)

• Luke usually is a very positive thinking and easily excitable person, so I don't think it would take him overly long to adapt to new situations and surroundings

• at least under normal conditions

• right after he joins the rebellion they are far from normal though, and I'm sure that even the little things, like a short moment of quiet, would serve as a reminder that

• he lost everything

• for the very first time in his life he is far away from home and all alone

• he had to leave behind everyone and everything he ever knew

• he couldn't even say goodbye or bring some personal belongings that might've been important to him

• now is the time that the loss of Obi-Wan, as a well as the deaths of of his aunt and uncle, really set in

• and let's be real, all three were brutal and followed each other so closely that it makes them even harder to process

• not only did he see his home destroyed but also witnessed the murder of the man, that he believed would lead him from here on forward

• he got shot at and nearly died several times himself

• (at this point he probably doesn't care about that much but it's still a stress factor)

• it's only natural to assume that Luke is not doing well

• I see him being very nervous and kind of jittery, unable to remain still

• he's slightly uncomfortable as well, scared of what will happen next

• he hasn't known Leia, Han and Chewie for long but already fears that something horrible will happen to them too

• he doesn't even know where Han and Chewie are for that matter or if he'll ever see them again

• he wants to keep them safe but knows there is not much he can do

• I think this leads to him being very frustrated and, to keep going, he turns his fear and helplessness into anger

• he has nightmares in which again and again he has to look upon the burned bodies of his family

• at least R2 is with him and makes for good company

• they grow much closer during that time and Luke is so grateful to have him around

• I'm kind of conflicted because on one hand it might be a good thing there is so much going on that he can't really take his time to arrive and settle down

• theoretically it keeps him from overthinking and dwelling on the traumatic events

• but on the other hand it would be so important for Luke to have time to grieve and for looking after himself

• it's incredibly harsh and unfair but eventually he will have to decide on his priorities and on what to do

• will he succumb to his anger and despair

• or will he keep going

• somehow he still possesses the strength to keep going and to focus on the here and now

• there is so much to discover too!

• there are new foods and drinks to try and he's so enthusiastic about them

• he gets new outfits, which I see him gushing over because I'm sure the only clothes he owned before were hand me downs from his uncle

• he's so very proud about the pilot uniform he gets to wear too

• he looks at it whenever he can

• also there is so much to do and he wants to help out wherever he can

• maybe he gets to take the first actual shower of his life

• (did he know before that showering with water is actually a thing?)

• he finally has the opportunity to look at ships and their repairs from up close

• I think he'd hang around the hangars and the pilots a lot, asking them all kinds of questions about their life and adventures with the rebellion

• because there are so many new people Luke would be hesitant in his approach at first

• while he's very eager to learn and desperately wants to get to know as many of them as possible, he doesn't want to interrupt their work

• he doesn't want to be a burden

• we don't know for sure if he got bullied back on Tatooine or not

• maybe Wormie is just an affectionate nick name?

• either way he worries about not being qualified and good enough

• sure, he saved Princess Leia but he didn't do that alone, he had help

• what if nobody takes him seriously? He's just a boy from a desert planet

• but to his surprise everyone greets him with open arms

• suddenly he's being flirted with too???

• he is confused™

• speaking of Leia though...he wonders if he'll get to spend more time with her when this is over?

• or at least for a few minutes in between?

• he wants to

• when will he see her again?

• she's so nice and for some reason he feels drawn to her, it's unlike anything he ever experienced with someone else before

• I think he'd look up to her too, admiring her strength and bravery

• like so many others he feels inspired by her

#ask #luke skywalker #luke skywalker x reader #luke skywalker x you #star wars #luke star wars #star wars fanfiction #fanfic #star wars a new hope #star wars empire strikes back #star wars return of the jedi #star wars headcanons #headcanons

27 notes · View notes

asterz-playz-official · 11 months

Text

[ THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO COME AFTER PART THREE BUT I LOST FOCUS SO I NEVER POSTED IT ]

[ It’s very unfinished, but I wanted to put it out anyway- ]

Ok so Michael’d kinda be a combo of spiral and watcher, right?

Especially since doors are gonna Be There for SURE.

But if he’s taken over the position of head archivist… how’s that gonna affect the literal entire rest of the series-

Does Prentiss show up? Yeahh, probably. I mean, it’s not like Martin doesn’t even exist anymore somehow. It’s just that he’s never met Michael.

Also, I don’t think Michael’d be very, uh…. Thrilled about being the new head archivist. There are a lot of mixed emotions surrounding that for him. It feels like it’s happened too fast, for him, as if Elias has just… pitched Gertrude’s memory into the trash can and replaced her without even giving a second for grieving.

So the first few weeks are… a bit of a dazed blur, really. Trying to remember names and faces has always been a bit of a difficulty. But this time, it’s especially hard. It’s Sasha who notices it first, and offers to help out with what he’s doing so he can take a break.

It all felt wrong. He felt wrong. None of anything that had happened recently made any sort of sense, and trying to sort it out in his head just made everything more confusing.

He went to Elias. And told him he wanted to quit.

(Continued below)

The head of the institute seemed to be staring straight into and through Michael as he waited for the man to respond to his announcement.

Then Elias smiled, his calculating gaze lessening in intensity. And asked him if the conditions were unsatisfactory.

He said no, that they were perfectly fine — remarkably pleasant, in fact — but that it was starting to feel difficult for him to properly perform as an archivist given recent events.

“Do you perhaps not feel as though Gertrude would have wanted you to have this job, Michael?”

Michael could have sworn he’d just felt his heart stop.

It- it had been something that he had been thinking about for the past- the past several days, but he… hadn’t told anyone. Not even Sasha, though he knew she’d be very understanding about how he felt.

Elias… how had he known that. How- how could he have-

“There’s no need to get upset, I’m sure you have your reasons for… your discomfort with the position as archivist. But if I might be able to reassure you of your own competence… you…”

“Don’t.”

He didn’t wait for Elias to respond to his strangled interruption. He just turned and ran. Out of the office, past everyone in the hallway, taking turns and finally pushing himself out of the front door and onto the sidewalk.

He sank to the ground, feeling tears starting to well up in his eyes as he took in several shallow breaths and tried to settle his racing heartbeat.

He couldn’t have- there wasn’t- that- it wasn’t possible, there were so many scientific studies into the ESP phenomenon- no one ever had any significant proof of it, how could he have known exactly what he’d thought?

How-

He sucked in a breath, squeezed his eyes shut and held the air in for a second or two before letting it out again, slowly.

He had to take a walk.

It took a bit for him to finally find himself a proper spot to rest. There was a small park near a store that he could get to through an alleyway — really, it was just more of a small street — and he sat on the green in the middle for a while, trying to process… all of it.

Breaking narrative flow to just say that I don’t know where this would be. if anyone’s got an idea, lemme know.

Anyway.

There shouldn’t be any way that any of this could be happening. For a second, he actually wondered if maybe he had actually died in the fire, and this was some sort of hell, but that wouldn’t explain the book…

His eyes widen. Oh god. The book- had anyone taken it back into the institute? Was it still in her house? Or… did Elias have it.

He groans, and sits up, holding his head in his hands to keep some of the sunlight from hurting his head as he tried to form a coherent thought. Everything in his head felt scrambled, like someone had decided to make a cocktail with the insides of his head and then poured it all back in.

It wasn’t at all that he hadn’t been sleeping — he’d gotten plenty of sleep — his head had just been feeling… soupy, for some utterly unexplainable reason. Michael didn’t know what to do about it, but at least it hadn’t been getting any worse.

…not… yet, at least…

Perhaps he should go and see a doctor about the condition, just as a precautionary measure. He began to stand, working out the route to the nearest clinic when he spotted something sticking up out of the grass.

A small mirror. One of those flip-open ones that you hold in your hand when you’re putting on makeup at the last minute. He had one- whoever this one had belonged to must have dropped it.

He went over to pick it up, but as he reached for it, his eyes caught sight of the reflection.

Of his hand, as it reached towards the mirror.

Michael screamed, and kicked the thing away.

For a moment, he just stood there, clutching his hand by the wrist, afraid to touch the palm… or, god forbid, his fingers.

…He was loosing his mind.

He had to be loosing his mind.

This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be real. It was just that his brain had somehow finally cracked under pressure, and he should be checked into a mental hospital as soon as possible.

It… struck him how relieved he felt by the notion. Mildly horrified, but mostly just relieved. He’d… always been afraid of having his mind slip away, of going deep into a state of insanity, of becoming unaware of his own surroundings and self… especially after…

And with that, it clicked.

He inhaled sharply, his heart racing faster, genuine terror gripping it as the realization hit him.

Ryan had been taken by the door.

The memory tried to push its way into the front of his mind, but he willed it away, focused entirely on that one single piece.

There was no sound as it had opened.

It had just been there. And something in it had killed-

The fear of the thing that took Ryan coming back for him had been a thing that had fed Michael’s nightmares for years and years… why, of all the dreams he’d had, did that one have to be the one that came true?

He felt it before he heard it.

From behind him, the sound of a door’s hinges slowly creaking as it opened.

He started to turn. Praying that it was only a particularly loud door opening from one of the residences around him… perhaps someone who’d heard screaming and came to see what was going on.

The yellow wood almost seemed to be taunting him. Daring him to come closer and just peek... take a gamble, take a chance and see what kinds of secrets the door held inside of it… perhaps it could finally give him an answer.

He didn’t remember when he’d pulled out the lighter, or why he had it, but he flipped it open and struck the spark (thingy) until it lit.

Then hurled it at the door.

The flame caught instantly, crackling as it grew and spread across the surface of the door, engulfing it hungrily.

But the door still stood there. Open and waiting for him to give in and stumble inside.

The fear, and the urge to run, started to well up in his chest, but the feeling was faint. Tired. He… was tired. And scared. And so confused.

(he doesn’t go into the door don’t worry he just kind of goes away and leaves it alone anyway. Or something, I don’t actually know- I just wanted to post it lol)

#the magnus archives #tma #michael shelley #michael tma #tma au #tma unwinding au #unwinding au #elias bouchard #tma elias #gertrude robinson #tma gertrude #the distortion tma #the distortion #tma spoilers #sorta #the spiral #THIS IS SO LATE I’m so sorry

19 notes · View notes

talkfastromance4 · 1 year

Text

Moodswings--Luke&Lily oneshot

a/n: this is before Lily's birthday (and will be posted before it on the masterlist) I'm sorry it's been so choppy with the timeline but thank you for being patient and understanding!

warnings: therapy, discussion of miscarriage. this is heavy right off from the beginning so read with caution. I don't go into too much detail but it's still a sensitive topic. smut is implied, female receiving oral and this is a lot of ANGST

word count: 3.5k

Luke&Lily masterlist

feedback is always welcome! Enjoy!

Mid August–Wednesday 3:00 p.m

You stare at the clock on the wall as it ticks and tocks, your arms are crossed over your chest and your mind is wandering. The ticking of the clock reminds you of the one in your room at the hospital, waiting for answers, waiting for absolution, waiting for a miracle.

It’s been three weeks since you lost the baby. Three weeks of questions. Three weeks of self-doubt. Three weeks of going through the motions of your life.

Doctor Wilson said there’s never a sure answer for why some pregnancies don’t take and assured you that it was nothing you did or didn’t do. You know she’s right but you still feel like you’re part of the blame. She’s the one who recommended you and Luke should see a counselor.

“It’s a loss, a very unexpected one and it may be hard to navigate the grieving process,” Dr. Wilson had said.

And so, here you are on a Wednesday at 3:00 with Luke sitting next to you on a brown leather couch. The walls are green, the floor made of wood and Dr. Martin removes her glasses from her face.

“y/n, do you need me to repeat the question?”

“Hm?” you ask, focusing back on her by hearing your name. Luke sighs next to you, you notice his finger is spinning the wedding band on his finger.

“How are you feeling today?”

“Same as everyday,” you shrug.

“Which is?”

“I feel everything and nothing all at once.”

“Have you and Luke discussed what happened–”

“No.”

“She never wants to.”

“I don’t know how to say it to make you understand–”

“You don’t even try to talk to me!”

“Because all you do is coddle me! I can’t–”

“All right, all right, one at a time,” Dr. Martin interrupts.

You huff and cross your arms tighter around yourself, Luke rubs at his face then pulls his fingers through his hair.

“Luke, what do you want to discuss with y/n?”

“Anything at this point. She hasn’t been the same and I understand that to a degree but I don’t like being shut out. I hate to see her hurting like this and I can’t do anything. I don’t know what to do. And she won’t tell me because she thinks I won’t understand and I…it’s a vicious cycle.”

“How’re the kids?”

“On edge,” Luke answers as you stare at the corner of the coffee table. “They know there’s something going on, can sense y/n isn’t…herself. Lily’s the hardest, she’s mirroring y/n.”

“And did you tell Lily what happened?”

“We did, she asked a lot of questions and I think she understands. It’s hard for her, too, I know she hates seeing y/n like this as much as I do.”

“Has your relationship changed with Lily, y/n?” Dr. Martin directs the question to you this time.

“No, she still helps out like always.”

“Have you talked to her about your feelings? You said in our first meeting that she often feels left out–”

“I’m not disregarding my children,” you defend automatically. “I love them more than anything. I’m trying to–trying to find a way–” you shake your head then press your fingers to your forehead.

“What you went through was a traumatic experience, your brain is surviving the way it thinks it should. It doesn’t make sense and it may never will.”

Friday 3:00 p.m

“I’ve reviewed all of our notes from our sessions and the main problem is communication,” Dr. Martin says at your next session. Luke grunts but tries to pass it off as a cough, you flick your eyes at him. “And–as backwards as this sounds–I think you two should go two weeks without talking to each other.”

“I’m sorry,” Luke shifts in his place on the couch, “come again?”

“Our main problem is communicating so to solve that is to…not communicate?” you reiterate.

“Yes, I’ve found that in most marriages when a short separation–”

“Separation?!” Luke yells.

“We’re separated enough because of his job, this is just an emotional block,” you say staring frantically between Luke and Dr. Martin.

“How exactly is this going to help?”

“We have three children with altering schedules, how are we supposed to do that and not speak with each other?”

“Talking about the children’s schedules is fine. Two weeks without personal conversation, maybe even sleeping in different rooms might help both of you decipher your emotions and help to discuss them.”

Dr. Martin drones on and on about the successes of the other couples she’s helped that have done no communication for two weeks but your mind was rattling. It kept circling back to ‘separation.’ You don’t want a separation, that’s the complete opposite of what you want, but you also can’t talk about what you’re feeling quite yet. Would it really help?

You and Luke walk out of the session dumbfounded after confirming with Dr. Martin you will see her in two weeks to go over how it went and if there was progress. The car ride is silent as you’re both lost in your own thoughts and when Luke parks in Ashton’s driveway (where the kids are) you sit in silence.

“What do you think?” Luke finally asks.

“I think it’s dumb. We aren’t communicating well and her solution is to stop it altogether and be separated? How is that going to work?”

“What if we tried it?” he asks quietly. Your heart plummets to your stomach.

“You can’t be serious,” you deadpan, staring at him but he keeps his eyes on his hands in his lap. “Luke…you’ve said I don’t tell you things–”

“I don’t tell you a lot of things either. Maybe in some weird twisted way, not telling each other anything will break that barrier for when we finally do talk to each other.”

“We’re with the kids together everyday, Luke. Lily is going to catch on we’re not speaking and that’s going to upset her–this is insane Luke!”

“I agree, it is insane. But let’s just give it a go, okay?” he looks up then touches your cheek with the back of his fingers. “I love you more than anything in the world, lovie. We’ve drifted a little and I want to be us again.”

“I want that, too,” you whisper holding his gaze. “What will we tell the kids?”

“We’ll talk in front of them but only to them.”

“We’re really doing this?”

“Yes.”

You sigh and take hold of his hand that’s on your cheek, linking your fingers together. You give him a squeeze. “Okay. No talking or sleeping together for two weeks.”

And you bolted out of the car.

***

It was hard watching Luke gather his pillows and night things from your room to transition into the basement where you now had the guest room. Since you couldn’t talk, you watched him in silence and the half smile he gave you as he left carved a hole in your heart, only adding to the other holes that have formed from the blows you’re constantly taking.

You missed waking up next to him on day one. Normally you would roll over and he’d already be awake waiting for you to face him and he’d take your face in his hand giving you a gentle kiss. You stared at yourself in the mirror as you brushed your teeth instead of over at Luke’s tired eyes and frothy toothpaste smile.

Lily is over by Cory so it’s just Posy and Oliver home, you can hear him making noises from his room and the soft sound of Bluey playing downstairs in the living room. Posy loves Bluey. Oliver is standing along the railing of his crib when you enter his room, his eyes trying to focus on you without his glasses.

“Hi my sweet boy,” you smile and place his glasses on his face. His little hands reach for you and he’s humming something that sort of sounds like ‘mama’. “Are you saying ‘mama’? Mama, mama.”

“Mmm…aaah!” he responds but it’s more of a whisper, an echo of what he’s trying to say.

“Almost,” you smile at him and kiss his forehead.

After changing Oliver’s diaper you head downstairs and Luke is in the kitchen making waffles, probably a request from Posy.

“Hi mommy!” Posy waves from her spot on the couch. She has her purple elephant and blanket from her bed wrapped around her, her hair a mess.

“Morning Posy-girl,” you smile, setting Oliver next to her. “Can you watch your brother while I get his breakfast?”

“Okay. Look at Bluey Olly,” she says hugging her brother close. He leans against her and focuses on the tv screen.

When you enter the kitchen, you and Luke pass glances but don’t say anything. You inhale as you open the fridge to retrieve Oliver’s breakfast. The two of you move around like foreign planets.

It was hard at dinnertime to be sitting across from each other and to be using the kids as buffers for conversation. You told Crystal about the no communication thing when you were visiting her on Sunday while Luke picked Lily up from Cory’s.

“Do you think it’s helping?” she asks, adjusting Maddox on her lap while you have Chloe on yours.

“I don’t know. I hate sleeping without him. I’ve done it hundreds of times while he’s touring but this is different when I know he’s right in the house.”

“And how’s Olly with his talking?”

“The same,” you sigh, “Dr. Wilson says we should keep talking to him like we have been. It is common in preemies for their speech to be delayed. She even suggested we start learning sign language to help him tell us what he wants.”

“That’s a great idea. His hearing is okay though?”

“Yeah, he knows his name and our names. I think we will start sign language in a week and a half which is good because Luke and I will be talking again.”

“Will you tell him all you’ve been feeling since the miscarriage?” she asks softly.

“I’ll try to,” you shrug gazing into Chloe’s perfect little face, “it’s hard to talk about even though I think about it all the time.”

***

When the two weeks are up you woke up with that knowledge because you’ve been counting down every day, every hour, every minute until you can talk with your husband again. Just as you were getting out of bed, Lily and Posy opened your door with Oliver holding their hands between them. They were already dressed for their second day of school.

“Hi mama!”

“Dada says he’s going to take us to school because you need a break,” Lily explains.

“He did?” you raise your eyebrows and walk towards them. You bend down to look at their outfits; Lily has on her new pink dress, Posy is wearing a purple shirt with shorts and her favorite shoes and Oliver has on a red shirt with overalls. He gives you a toothy grin.

“We wanted to say goodbye first,” Lily smiles.

“I’m so glad you did,” you smile pulling them all in for a hug. You kiss the tops of their heads, your thumb smudging dried milk from Oliver’s cheek. “You behave with your daddy and Ella, and we’ll see you on Sunday, sweetheart.”

“I will mama. Daddy said we’ll get pizza tonight!”

“I want pizza!” Posy shouts jumping slightly on her feet.

“We’ll see,” you pinch her cheek and she smiles. “Your daddy and I will pick you up later, okay? You all have a good day at school, I love you.”

“Love you, mama!”

“Love you too! C’mon guys,” Lily leads her siblings from your room.

You listen to Luke speak with the kids from downstairs, loving their excited chatter as he hands off their lunch boxes. You can’t wait to speak with him when he comes back. When the door closes you head downstairs so you can make breakfast for you and Luke and are surprised to see a large bouquet of flowers sitting on the counter.

A note is attached from Luke:

I’ll be back as soon as I can. Talk to you soon, lovie.

A small surge of butterflies erupts in your stomach at the thought of talking to him again and you get started on breakfast. It usually takes about forty-five minutes to drop the kids off so you head upstairs to freshen up a little. You brush your teeth, fix your hair, and spritz on the perfume Luke made for your anniversary.

The pancakes are sitting on the warming plate as you finish the scrambled eggs and bacon on the stove when Petunia starts barking and the door opens. You turn around and your heart leaps at the sight of Luke. His curls are a little messy but his eyes are bright as they meet yours.

“Hi,” you say at the same time causing you both to chuckle.

Luke sets his keys in the bowl and toes off his unlaced converse. He steps towards you slowly, stopping in front of you.

“I was going to make you breakfast,” he says softly then turns off the stove top.

He’s so close you can smell his aftershave, his neck is right at your eyesight.

“I wanted to surprise you since you took the kids to school.”

“Well, why don’t you go sit down and I’ll make our plates,” he gives you a crooked smile.

You sit at the table watching him prepare your plates of food. He sits down and you smile at him then giggle at the blueberries he arranged in a shape of heart on your pancake.

“Thank you for the flowers, they’re beautiful.”

“You’re welcome.”

You both take your first few bites in silence, exchanging soft smiles and lingering stares throughout the meal. Luke begins talking first when your plates are cleaned about the songs he’s written about you in all this time you weren’t talking and how he loved that peach colored suit you wore to work last Tuesday.

All the while you held hands across the table, your thumb was rubbing over the tattooed initials of your name that he got on a whim a couple months ago. You talked about what was going on at work, the slight drama that always filled the offices of who had more of a workload.

While you spoke, Luke pulled your chair closer so he could play with your hair. The conversation then turned to the kids and the funny things Posy has said and done. You’re both happy with how well Oliver is picking up on the sign language, the girls too.

“I missed you,” he sighs, both hands now cradling your face.

He gives you a hesitant kiss which you reciprocate and soon you’re both running up the stairs to your bedroom. It’s been so long that you’ve been together because of what happened and not communicating for two weeks.

Your emotions were still wonky after everything so whenever Luke touched you, your skin went haywire. His lips worked you over expertly, moving in the way you like it. Luke hisses when you bite at his neck once you’re connected, you gasp in his ear as he hits that special spot again and again.

Waves of love and longing and loss and bliss crash over you, Luke sighs your name and then you’re trying to catch your breath as he releases inside of you. You haven’t felt this whole and complete in a while. You pet at his hair, kissing the side of his face as he stamps kisses along your neck and over your chest.

“I asked Cory for help before we started therapy,” he confesses into your collarbone.

Your fingers still in his hair at his words as they sink in.

“You…what?”

He lifts his head to look at you, curls falling in his eyes, his lips pinker from all of the kissing you’d just done.

“I thought maybe if he talked to you you would open up about…what happened since he knows you so well.”

“Luke, you know me too. I thought we’re past the whole history with Cory thing–”

“We are–I am,” he nods, “but I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know how to talk to you about it because I can only imagine what you went through but imagining isn’t even close to you actually going through it.”

“And what did he say?”

“That I should give you some space until you’re ready to talk. I just didn’t want you to feel alone. Since it happened and now with the last few weeks…without you, I don’t even know myself.”

“Luke–the reason I kept my distance is because…it’s my fault.”

“What’s your fault?”

“I–” you shake your head blinking back tears as you stare at the ceiling. “I fought you so hard about not having a baby yet and I must have thought it so hard that I…it’s my fault. I was so worried and–and it–I–it’s all my–”

“No, no, no, hey, hey, look at me,” Luke rushes swiping at the tears on your cheeks. “This is not your fault. You heard Dr. Wilson, sometimes pregnancies don’t take. There’s nothing you did or could have done any differently. It’s horrible that it happened, but you did not cause this. I know you love our children and you loved that baby, okay?”

“It hurts so much,” you cry into his shoulder and he holds you tightly against him.

“I know, baby. But I’m here, I’ve always been here and I always will be. Through better or worse; right now, this is our worst. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too. I’m so sorry I pushed you away.”

“Shh,” he rolls over so you’re on top of him. “Let it all out, y/n, I’ve got you. I’m right here.”

And you do. You cry your heart out, each tear resembling the anger you’ve been holding in, the sadness, the remorse, the guilt, the shame. It all flooded out of you in deep sobs and shaking limbs. Luke held you closely through it all, rubbing at your back, petting your hair and whispering soothing words.

You’re not sure how long you’ve been crying but when no more tears are left and you’re hiccupping in Luke’s shoulder, you know you’re done. Luke sits you up slowly in his lap then reaches over for some tissues from the nightstand. He wipes your cheeks and you blow your nose.

“Is this the first time you’ve cried about it?” he asks gently.

“Yeah,” your voice is thick.

Luke kisses you quickly, you stare at him with dry eyes.

“You let me know when you need to cry again, okay?”

“‘Kay,” you sniff.

“Let’s go take a shower with eucalyptus oil to help clear your nose up.”

You shift your body off his and that’s when you realize he was still inside you, a mess now was on the sheets. The two of you stare at it then meet each other’s eyes and giggle.

“Oops,” Luke says. “You get the shower started, I’ll put these in the wash.”

“Um..if I walk I’ll make more of a mess…”

“Right,” he nods. “I’ll be right back.”

Once you used the towel Luke provided and he stripped the bed you were in the shower with music softly playing over the speakers of the shower fan. The eucalyptus did help your nose and Luke even rubbed some peppermint oil on your chest to help as well.

As he washes your body of the sudsy soap, Luke peppers kisses down your torso, making sure his lips linger longer on your belly before he hikes a leg over his shoulder and dives right in.

“Luke!” you gasp falling against the shower wall, your toes curl instantly at the feel of his tongue lapping at you.

“It’s been two weeks without your voice and your moans, lovie. Can you be loud for me?” his blue eyes pierce up at you, water droplets running down his long nose and cling to his lashes.

“Yeah,” you exhale.

Your stomach clenches after a few more moments of his mouth, your orgasm hitting you explicitly. When he adds his fingers, you rock your hips into his palm, his nose nudging your clit. He praises you throughout it all and as you reach your third, you yanked him up to kiss him.

“Want you to fill me again, honey,” you pant, your hand stroking him until he’s hard in your palm.

After another round under the falling water, Luke helps dry you off then brushes at your hair as you sit in front of your vanity. He sets the brush down, wrapping his arms over your shoulders and across your chest. He kisses the top of your wet hair.

“I think I need you more than you need me,” you tell his reflection, your finger plays with his wedding band.

taglist: @calpalirwin @calumance @in-superbloom @karajaynetoday @wiiildflowerrr @sunshineeluke @littledrummeraussie @suchalonelysunflower @hoodhoran @fobodob @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt @sunshineeashton @ashtonsunflower @mymindwide @itjustkindahappenedreally @seanna313 @mulletcal @pandaxnienke @hellasblessed @gwynethhberdara @in-a-world-of-fandoms @prentisswrites @princesslrh

#luke & lily angst #luke & lily #luke & lily fic #luke & lily oneshot #luke & lily fluff #dad!sos #dad!luke #luke hemmings writing

38 notes · View notes

arty-shadow-morningstar · 2 years

Note

could you possibly do an angsty brucinette oneshot where marinette didn't know that bruce was batman and finds out after jason mysteriously returns from the dead (aka revived by the lazarus pits)

There is like two version of this. A Romantic one and a Bio!Dad AU.

------

Scene 1: Marinette and Bruce first meeting. (Jason might be a possible matchmaker in the scenario. Gala/ Coffee shop/ MDC meeting. Marinette impress him on some level and for the first time in his life, he feels like this is someone he wants to settle down with. )

Scene 2: Bruce and Marinette in a relationship and being happy. (One year anniversary)

Scene 3 and 4: Jason’s death and the aftermath as Marinette tries to help Bruce cope and he is making it harder by pushing everyone away. She is grieving because she loves Jason like her own son. Bruce’s secret late night activities threaten their relationship which Marinette tries very hard not to pry but he is not making it easy when he comes back with bruises and sometimes injuries.

Scene 5: Her job in Gotham to balance the energy in the city is done and it will slowly adjust on its own and she did all she could. She has to find another city and balance the negative energy there. She wants to stay. She really does but Bruce is not making it easy for her to find a reason. She loves him and she can’t take it anymore. Break-up. It’s messy on both sides. Bruce loves her too but he’s Batman and he already lost his son to what he does and he can’t let the same thing happen to her so he lets her go. (Emotionally-constipated Idiot here.)

Scene 6: Years pass, Marinette stays away from Gotham and does her Guardian duties. She and Wonder Woman are sort of BFFs. So when there is a world-ending thing happening and WW asks her to come help since JL is lacking some manpower due to reasons (injuries/ MIA). Marinette obliges. There is a big meeting. Obviously, Batman and his entire Batclan is there. WW introduces her friend and B is suspicious of new people. Red Hood lets out a snarky joke that is so familiar that Marinette can’t help but gasp at the nickname she gave Jason (research a French nickname.)

Scene 7 (The reveal): Batman and Red Hood sitffened. Nightwing is more on guard. The other Bats notice that shift in body language and they follow Nightwing’s lead. Red Hood replies with “M?”. She nods. Red Hood takes off his helmet (plus his mask) and she knows that it is Jason standing in front of her and very much alive. She connects the dots between the body language Bruce displays and figures out Bruce’s identity. She de-transformed and hugs Jason. Bruce is trying to process the information as he is shaking from some sort of emotion. Nightwing also goes to hug Marinette. The other Bats have various reactions but most of them relax. Other JL members interrupt to get back on track of the Doomsday happening thing. (Maybe before asking how she knows Batman and M replies that she is his ex. Bruce is hurt a little but also blames himself since it is his fault they are like that. And everyone is thinking that how can someone that nice date Batman. A few fear her since she had dated Batman and lived. It makes sense that Diana is friends with her.)

Scene 8: Doomsday thing is over. Everyone celebrates. During the afterparty of sorts, both of them end up at some quiet place. Angst, Sprinkle in lots of angst about everything. Marinette was bitter and was soon yelling/crying at him. Bruce doesn’t try to defend himself. Marinette composes herself and asks him why he did what he did. He gives his side of the story and says how that doesn’t excuse his behaviour and that he should have handled it better. Marinette told him about the reason she had to leave and that if he had asked her to stay she would have and admits that she still loves him. Bruce hopes that they get another chance. A fresh start and they both kiss. (Maybe mistletoe/ maybe re-enactment of the first time they met.)

“I am MDC. But you can call me Marinette. I have a super secret job of protecting magical jewellery.”

“I am Bruce Wayne. I also have a secret night time job of being Batman.”

Scene 9: It’s been a while since they began seeing each other again. Marinette travels a lot but keeps in touch and tries to stay in Gotham every chance she gets. Both of them are going slow (this frustrates Dick, Babs and Steph to no end. Jason has already declared that he is going with Marinette if they ever split again.) Tim is okay with her and sees that Bruce is happier nowadays. Damian and Marinette are a little rocky with some hostility on Damian’s part but he tolerates her. (It is because of the kwamis.)

Marinette is home and baking something while Bruce watches. (he is in the kitchen doorway, respecting Alfred’s ban) When she is done, he hugs her from behind. Some lines about how happy Marinette is and their relationship is not perfect and there are some fights but they are getting there.

#maribat #ml x dc #mlb x dc #brucinette #if anyone is willing to wait for a long long time #and this gets enough attention #I will be motivated to write a full-on fic of this concept #Don't ask to see the bio!dad version #it's coming but the alignment of the moon and stars are not right

117 notes · View notes

moonlarked · 1 year

Text

the damned prince: chapter three

Trigger warnings for: implied abusive parents, referenced character death, self harm, and self-destructive thoughts.

Tagged: @dizzythegreat

The door creaked open and Biana followed her father into the hall, keeping her head high and her arms straight at her side. She felt rather small underneath the towering ceiling, but she wasn’t about to let it show. There was business to be done.

Her father led her to a large table. It was long and grand and clearly was meant to hold a great many people, but right now all the chair were empty. He took a seat. She sat down next to him, crossing her legs and taking a confident stance.

“Ah, the Vackers.”

Biana quickly rose from her chair and bowed as the King strode up to her table, the Queen close behind. She waited for them to both be settled into their seats before sitting back down in hers.

The King crossed his hands in the table and turned to Biana’s father. “Alden, what is it you are requesting of me?”

“My lord, this request is for my daughter. We would like to humbly ask for your permission for her to return to Everglen, where she will reside with her mother.”

The King’s sharp ice blue eyes focused on Biana. She shifted in her seat as he studied her intensely, his eyes narrowed. Then he waved his hand and she relaxed. “Of course. Alden, you are my most trusted advisor, and I see no harm in letting your daughter visit her mother.”

Inwardly, Biana cheered. It wasn’t that she was expecting to be turned down - Alden was basically the King’s right-hand man - but the King was so very intimidating and she was relieved that this process hadn’t been drawn out. She wasn’t sure how long she could take being studied by him.

She bowed her head and suppressed her grin. “My everlasting gratitude, my lord.” Internally, she was already picturing the lush, decadent spaces of her childhood home, her mother - all warm smiles and soft features, unlike her father. She could see Marella and Maruca taking her out to parties and dances.

God. Maruca. She missed Maruca. They had drifted apart, but she still remembered that night by the river, dark hands intertwined, looking up at the stars…

A thought crept in. What about Fitz?

Her cocky, naive, wishful brother who was older than her but still seemed so much more sheltered from the world. While Biana had been left to the care of her mother, Fitz had been pronounced the golden boy by her father, primped and preened to be the perfect son. Even partnered to a girl.

A girl who Fitz was hopelessly in love with.

A girl who only Biana could see would never love him back.

Biana was interrupted from her worries by her father’s firm grip on her shoulder. His eyes told her that they were to leave now.

She nodded, but just as she was getting up, a flash of white-blonde hair caught her eye.

The King turned and smiled. “Ah, Sophie. So good of you to join us.”

The crown prince of Havenfield was descending the staircase, her hands fiddling with the sash on her matte black tunic. In fact, her entire wardrobe was the same gloomy shade.

The King seemed to notice this and frowned. “Good Sophie, why are you still dressed so miserably?”

Sophie glared at him, her hands curling into fists at her side. “My father is dead,” she said curtly. “I have a reason to be miserable.”

With this, she added a narrowed glance at the Queen, who was still sitting quietly.

Sighing, the King approached her. “Oh course we grieve the loss of valiant King Grady. But it is important that we move on and celebrate his life by living well! No good can be made by wasting away in misery. It is not a noble way to live for a prince.”

“It is not natural to grieve?” Sophie spat, her knuckles white and her eyes wet.

“Of course it is,” the King said. “But death is a natural thing. I lost a father, and my father’s father lost a father, and so on. It is the way of the world. Now, dry your eyes.”

The prince gritted her teeth and stomped her way up the stairwell, sending one last glare at the Queen as she left.

Shaking his head, the King turned back to Biana and Alden. “I apologize for her - she is not well. Young Lady Vacker, I wish you luck on your journey.”

Biana nodded and stumbled quickly to her feet, wanting to leave as soon as possible.

It wasn’t that she disliked Prince Sophie. But she couldn’t say that she particularly liked her either.

The Prince had always had a rather rocky history - with rumors swirling that she had been adopted, then backlash at her choosing the Prince title despite being a woman. However, she had always managed to win her was back into the hearts of the people, with her efforts saving endangered animals with her mother and the affection she showed towards all classes of people, from the noble to the peasants.

That was what bothered Biana. Not that she helped people - no, rather that she won their hearts.

And the heart of one in particular.

———————————————————

Sophie peeked out from behind the banister as the Vacker family left, Cassius and Edaline exiting behind them.

Her eyes traced her mother as she left the hall, her blue dress flowing gracefully behind her - her hand intertwined with Cassius’s.

It hasn’t even been two months.

Sophie felt her gag reflex coming on and she dry heaved, coughing into the scratchy fabric of her tunic. Her hands scrabbled at the railing of the banister and she let her nails sink into the soft wood. Maybe this would cause splinters. She didn’t care.

Maybe she wanted it to hurt.

Sophie stared at the half-moons her nails had left and sighed, flopping onto her back.

Oh, who was she kidding! Who was she fucking kidding!

She wanted it to hurt. Because she couldn’t believe that this was real, that her dad was gone, that her mother had abandoned her father’s memory for that ASSHOLE and that she was left behind she was betrayed she was weak

She studied her skin and wondered what it would feel like if it melted.

She grabbed an eyelash and tore it loose.

Her mother wasn’t here to chide her, and even if she was, why the hell would Sophie listen?

Suddenly, the doors to the hall slammed open and Sophie scrambled up against the railing as two figures walked in.

One of them was a guard that Sophie had seen patrolling around. She was nice - Rayni was her name.

And the other…

Sophie’s heart caught in her throat and she sprung into a run, taking the stairs two at a time and practically flying across the hall to wrap her arms around the curly-haired girl who had stepped in behind Rayni.

Stina gave a surprised grunt but was soon hugging her back fiercely.

Sophie stepped back, confusion and delighted surprise running through her mind. What was Stina doing her? Not that she was angry, quite the opposite - but- “Aren’t you supposed to be at Foxfire?”

Stina smirked and shrugged. “What if I just wanted to skip class and hang out with you, my lord?”

Sophie laughed. “As much as I would love that, I also know how fond you are of Foxfire’s horses and that it would take a damn lot to get you away from them. So?”

Stina’s smile vanished and she lowered her eyes. “I… I came to see your father’s funeral, my lord.”

All of Sophie’s joviality vanished and she stepped back as her circumstances flooded back onto her.

Her father. Stina. Stina coming because of her father.

She had begged Stina not to come with her after she had learned of her father’s death, fearing that the kingdom’s fragile circumstances might put Stina in danger. And yet she had come anyway. Because she was Stina.

Sophie met Stina’s eyes and beyond her uncertainty was a challenge. I came because I care, and I’m not leaving.

Sophie forced a weak smile. “I believe that you came for my mother’s wedding instead?” Bitter thoughts surfaced at the reminder.

Stina winced. “It did follow quite quickly upon.”

Behind them, Rayni cleared her throat. “My lord?”

Sophie turned and faced her, regaining her composure. “Ah. Hello, Rayni? How fares you?”

The guard bowed. “I am well, thank you, my lord. Lady Heks and I have approached you to inform you of a strange experience that we believe it would be in your best interest to be aware of.”

Sophie cocked her head. “What experience?”

“We saw your father,” Stina blurted out.

Sophie whirled on her. “My father?”

“Yes, my lord. Your father the King, just last night.”

“How?” Sophie demanded.

“A spirit,” Rayni whispered, seemingly pale at the reminder. “My lord, I know it seems unbelievable. But I and another guard - Jensi - had been seeing this apparition for two nights in a row before Lady Heks joined us and confirmed it with her own eyes. Just like as it had with us, it would not speak to her. So she led us here to you.”

Sophie stood still for a second. Fuck. Fuck.

Stina set a tentative hand on her shoulder. “My lord?”

FUCK.

“Let me keep watch tonight,” Sophie declared shakily. “I will speak to it.”

Rayni bowed her head.

Stina remained as she was, hand on Sophie’s shoulder, worried eyes on Sophie’s shell-shocked ones.

Sophie gave another weak smile, patting Stina’s hand.

She stepped away and glanced out the window. It was near evening. Soon she would take watch.

She would see her father - she would speak to her father.

Perhaps, this would give her guidance on her country.

Selfishly - and, fuck, she knew it was selfish - it would give her guidance on herself.

12 notes · View notes

thepermanentrainpress · 4 months

Text

BRENDAN SCOTT FRIEL: 2021

2021 – Brendan Scott Friel Release Date: October 13, 2023

Track Listing:

Tiny Machines

Resolutions

Simon the Doubter

Michelle

Tuesday Morning

Let’s Get Together Soon

Cold Air

It’s Just Been a Hard Year

This is an album Brendan has put a lot of clear expression, emotion, and effort into. The production, particularly for a solo artist, is smooth yet detailed. It reminds me of Sufjan Stevens: very soft, sad, and reflective in a personal way.

There are little details in the background of the production best appreciated on headphones. The rhythm time and the horn section are examples of the subtle engineering. There's some deep bass, mellow guitar, and rising sounds that I took in more with every listen.

A major theme is the singer's grief following the loss of his father. Other subjects intertwined include the juxtaposition of fun and happy memories while grieving, and the toll Covid and quarantine took on his psyche alongside the world.

"Tiny Machines" starts off very slow before a rapid tempo change halfway through. This runs parallel with the lyrics – the contrast between trying to sleep and the symphony of thoughts occupying Brendan's head. It's an interesting and even jarring entrance with the sudden shift in style, but it sets the atmosphere for what is to come.

"Resolutions" was my personal favourite from the album. It's upbeat, detailed, and probably the most "fun" of the tracks considering the context. It's also the happiest of the stories told here. Amongst seemingly endless grief there is joy, beauty, and a meaningful connection in the world taking place. It is sparks lit up, metaphorically and literally amongst the final minutes of New Year's Eve.

The third track echoes the content of "Tiny Machines," both featuring feelings of being restless and out of control, trapped and confused, "floating away." There's some good rising trumpet halfway through, and the guitar riff stands out for being rapid. The tempo syncs up to the themes of stress – as if the guitar is a pounding heartbeat.

"Michelle" is the story of the singer's sister and his perspective on their shared loss. He reflects on their distance and failed connection. He also describes how she is processing the grief during all the other stressful aspects of life, like motherhood. While very sad in context, it also ends on a note of hope – unconditional love and support.

The string section/riff on "Tuesday Morning" is genuinely moving. One finds themself lost in sadness just from the sound of that violin. It is met with lyrics of depression, of not being able to leave your bed. All that while dealing with a dying loved one, and the guilt felt of suppressing the grief and miserable feelings.

"Let's Get Together Soon" is the tale of running into an old friend, and the understanding that comes with seeing the relationship in a new context. It's a very human story that most people go through at some point: feelings of regret in a dissolved friendship, and thinking about things you wish you'd done differently. The story describes the friend pulling away after the death of their father, and the narrator's realization and empathy of their behaviour in the aftermath. We all get older, lose loved ones, and have social relationships come and go. Brendan has captured the feeling not just lyrically, but musically and emotionally. You can really feel what's going on, almost as if it's happening to you personally.

"Cold Air" is another track reflecting on past memories, happier times, and that special feeling of being out with friends one particular night. Of course, the feeling is interrupted by a wave of grief and the narrator departing. As he walks home, he reflects on his circumstances ("What the hell am I doing here?"), aging, and what comes next. It's another wave of mixed feelings most of us go through at some point – all the more striking when processing loss. You can practically feel the cold air in the lyrical description.

The final track is simple lyrically and musically. It concludes stating the obvious – "It's Just Been a Hard Year" and the absence that comes with losing a loved one is overwhelming. Where do you go? What are your blessings? Are you processing the grief properly? When will you feel better? These are the questions the singer asks himself, and they have no easy answers.

2021 is a deeply personal album crafted with beauty and integrity. It isn't exactly something you can dance to, and one should be in the right headspace to listen to it. Nevertheless, it's lovely and cathartic.

Written by: Cazzy Lewchuk

0 notes

nursingscience · 1 year

Text

Medical Knowledge 2

10. The nurse is conducting a physical assessment on a client with anemia. Which of the following clinical manifestations would be most indicative of the anemia?

A. BP 146/88

B. Respirations 28 shallow ✔️

C. Weight gain of 10 pounds in six months

D. Pink complexion

Explanation: When there are fewer red blood cells, there is less hemoglobin and less oxygen. Therefore, the client is often short of breath, as indicated in answer B. The client with anemia is often pale in color, has weight loss, and may be hypotensive.

Answers A, C, and D are within normal and, therefore, are incorrect.

11. The nurse is teaching the client with polycythemia vera about prevention of complications of the disease. Which of the following statements by the client indicates a need for further teaching?

A. “I will drink 500mL of fluid or less each day.”✔️

B. “I will wear support hose.”

C. “I will check my blood pressure regularly.”

D. “I will report ankle edema.”

Explanation: The client with polycythemia vera is at risk for thrombus formation. Hydrating the client with at least 3L of fluid per day is important in preventing clot formation, so the statement to drink less than 500mL is incorrect. Answers B, C, and D are incorrect because they all contribute to the prevention of complications. Support hose promotes venous return, the electric razor prevents bleeding due to injury, and a diet low in iron is essential to preventing further red cell formation.

12. A 33-year-old male is being evaluated for possible acute leukemia. Which of the following findings is most likely related to the diagnosis of leukemia?

A. The client collects stamps as a hobby.

B. The client recently lost his job as a postal worker.

C. The client had radiation for treatment of Hodgkin’s disease as a teenager.✔️

D. The client’s brother had leukemia as a child.

Explanation: Radiation treatment for other types of cancer can contribute to the development of leukemia. Some hobbies and occupations involving chemicals are linked to leukemia, but not the ones in these answers; therefore, answers A and B are incorrect. Answer D is incorrect because the incidence of leukemia is higher in twins, not siblings.

13. The client is being evaluated for possible acute leukemia. Which inquiry by the nurse is most important?

A. “Have you noticed a change in sleeping habits recently?”

B. “Have you had a respiratory infection in the last six months?”✔️

C. “Have you lost weight recently?”

D. “Have you noticed changes in your alertness?”

Explanation: The client with leukemia is at risk for infection and has often had recurrent respiratory infections during the previous six months. Insomnolence, weight loss, and a decrease in alertness also occur in leukemia, but bleeding tendencies and infections are the primary clinical manifestations; therefore, answers A, C, and D are incorrect.

14. Which of the following would be the priority nursing diagnosis for the adult client with acute leukemia?

A. Oral mucous membrane, altered related to chemotherapy

B. ✔️Risk for injury related to thrombocytopenia

C. Fatigue related to the disease process

D. Interrupted family processes related to life-threatening illness of a family member

Explanation: The client with acute leukemia has bleeding tendencies due to decreased platelet counts, and any injury would exacerbate the problem. The client would require close monitoring for hemorrhage, which is of higher priority than the diagnoses in answers A, C, and D, which are incorrect.

15. A 21-year-old male with Hodgkin’s lymphoma is a senior at the local university. He is engaged to be married and is to begin a new job upon graduation. Which of the following diagnoses would be a priority for this client?

A. Sexual dysfunction related to radiation therapy✔️

B. Anticipatory grieving related to terminal illness

C. Tissue integrity related to prolonged bed rest

D. Fatigue related to chemotherapy

Explanation: Radiation therapy often causes sterility in male clients and would be of primary importance to this client. The psychosocial needs of the client are important to address in light of the age and life choices. Hodgkin’s disease, however, has a good prognosis when diagnosed early. Answers B, C, and D are incorrect because they are of lesser priority.

16. A client has autoimmune thrombocytopenic purpura. To determine the client’s response to treatment, the nurse would monitor:

A. Platelet count✔️

B. White blood cell count

C. Potassium levels

D. Partial prothrombin time (PTT)

Explanation: Clients with autoimmune thrombocytopenic purpura (ATP) have low platelet counts, making answer A the correct answer. White cell counts, potassium levels, and PTT are not affected in ATP; thus, answers B, C, and D are incorrect.

17. The home health nurse is visiting a client with autoimmune thrombocytopenic purpura (ATP). The client’s platelet count currently is 80,000. It will be most important to teach the client and family about:

A. Bleeding precautions✔️

B. Prevention of falls

C. Oxygen therapy

D. Conservation of energy

Explanation: The normal platelet count is 120,000–400,000. Bleeding occurs in clients with low platelets. The priority is to prevent and minimize bleeding. Oxygenation in answer C is important, but platelets do not carry oxygen. Answers B and D are of lesser priority and are incorrect in this instance.

18. The client has surgery for removal of a Prolactinoma. Which of the following interventions would be appropriate for this client?

A. Place the client in Trendelenburg position for postural drainage.

B. Encourage coughing and deep breathing every two hours.

C. Elevate the head of the bed 30°.✔️

D. Encourage the Valsalva maneuver for bowel movements.

Explanation: A prolactinoma is a type of pituitary tumor. Elevating the head of the bed 30° avoids pressure on the sella turcica and helps to prevent headaches. Answers A, B, and D are incorrect because Trendelenburg, Valsalva maneuver, and coughing all increase the intracranial pressure.

19. The client with a history of diabetes insipidus is admitted with polyuria, polydipsia, and mental confusion. The priority intervention for this client is:

A. Measure the urinary output.

B. Check the vital signs.✔️

C. Encourage increased fluid intake.

D. Weigh the client.

Explanation: The large amount of fluid loss can cause fluid and electrolyte imbalance that should be corrected. The loss of electrolytes would be reflected in the vital signs. Measuring the urinary output is important, but the stem already says that the client has polyuria, so answer A is incorrect. Encouraging fluid intake will not correct the problem, making answer C incorrect. Answer D is incorrect because weighing the client is not necessary at this time

20. A client with hemophilia has a nosebleed. Which nursing action is most appropriate to control the bleeding?

A. Place the client in a sitting position.

B. Administer acetaminophen (Tylenol).

C. Pinch the soft lower part of the nose.✔️

D. Apply ice packs to the forehead.

Explanation: C is correct because direct pressure to the nose stops the bleeding. Answers A, B, and D are incorrect because they do not stop bleeding.

21. A client has had a unilateral adrenalectomy to remove a tumor. The most important measurement in the immediate post-operative period for the nurse to take is:

A. The blood pressure✔️

B. The temperature

C. The urinary output

D. The specific gravity of the urine

Explanation: Blood pressure is the best indicator of cardiovascular collapse in the client who has had an adrenal gland removed. The remaining gland might have been suppressed due to the tumor activity. Temperature would be an indicator of infection, decreased output would be a clinical manifestation but would take longer to occur than blood pressure changes, and specific gravity changes occur with other disorders; therefore, answers B, C, and D are incorrect.

22. A client with Addison’s disease has been admitted with a history of nausea and vomiting for the past three days. The client is receiving IV glucocorticoids (Solu-Medrol). Which of the following interventions would the nurse implement?

A. Glucometer readings as ordered✔️

B. Intake/output measurements

C. Evaluating the sodium and potassium levels

D. Daily weights

Explanation: IV glucocorticoids raise the glucose levels and often require coverage with insulin. Answer B is not necessary at this time, sodium and potassium levels would be monitored when the client is receiving mineral corticoids, and daily weights is unnecessary; therefore, answers B, C, and D are incorrect.

23. A client had a total thyroidectomy yesterday. The client is complaining of tingling around the mouth and in the fingers and toes. What would the nurses’ next action be?

A. Obtain a crash cart.

B. Check the calcium level.✔️

C. Assess the dressing for drainage.

D. Assess the blood pressure for hypertension.

Explanation: The parathyroid glands are responsible for calcium production and can be damaged during a thyroidectomy. The tingling can be due to low calcium levels. The crash cart would be needed in respiratory distress but would not be the next action to take; thus, answer A is incorrect. Hypertension occurs in thyroid storm and the drainage would occur in hemorrhage, so answers C and D are incorrect.

24. A 32-year-old mother of three is brought to the clinic. Her pulse is 52, there is a weight gain of 30 pounds in four months, and the client is wearing two sweaters. The client is diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Which of the following nursing diagnoses is of highest priority?

A. Impaired physical mobility related to decreased endurance

B. Hypothermia r/t decreased metabolic rate

C. Disturbed thought processes r/t interstitial edema

D. Decreased cardiac output r/t bradycardia✔️

Explanation: The decrease in pulse can affect the cardiac output and lead to shock, which would take precedence over the other choices; therefore, answers A, B, and C are incorrect.

25. The client presents to the clinic with a serum cholesterol of 275mg/dL and is placed on rosuvastatin (Crestor). Which instruction should be given to the client taking rosuvastatin (Crestor)?

A. Report muscle weakness to the physician.✔️

B. Allow six months for the drug to take effect.

C. Take the medication with fruit juice.

D. Report difficulty sleeping.

Explanation: The client taking antilipidemics should be encouraged to report muscle weakness because this is a sign of rhabdomyolysis. The medication takes effect within one month of beginning therapy, so answer B is incorrect. The medication should be taken with water because fruit juice, particularly grapefruit, can decrease the effectiveness, making answer C incorrect. Liver function studies should be checked before beginning the medication, not after the fact, making answer D incorrect.

26. The client is admitted to the hospital with hypertensive crises. Diazoxide (Hyperstat) is ordered. During administration, the nurse should:

A. Utilize an infusion pump.

B. Check the blood glucose level.✔️

C. Place the client in Trendelenburg position.

D. Cover the solution with foil.

Explanation: Hyperstat is given IV push for hypertensive crises, but it often causes hyperglycemia. The glucose level will drop rapidly when stopped. Answer A is incorrect because the hyperstat is given by IV push. The client should be placed in dorsal recumbent position, not Trendelenburg position, as stated in answer C. Answer D is incorrect because the medication does not have to be covered with foil.

0 notes

rupsmorge · 2 years

Text

Hold Me, Please?

Spencer Reid x Gn! Reader

Summary: Spencer doesn't realize reader's rought day at work is the cause of their quietness. So being the genius he is, he starts spewing facts just to be inturpted by a sad reader who wants cuddles asap.

Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

cw: hospital, discussion childhood cancer, death in childhood (lightly skimmed over), chronic fatigue & pain, cursing, case talk (made up case)

an: hi! this is my first fanfic so it's probably gonna be rough lol. My y/n's will most likely all have a chronic illness or disablity of some kind and a lot will mention childhood cancer or working in a hospital. Im disabled and rarely see y/n with them. Also my dream job is to be an oncology childlife specialist. anyways have fun & pls be nice to me :D

Spencer didn't think twice about you being quiet after coming home from work. He knew how fatigued you were after working long hours at the children's hospital. What he didn't know is that your silence wasn't because of fatigue or pain, but because today was bad. In fact, bad didn't even cover it- today was hell. Being a Child Life Specialist on the oncology floor had it's perks but it also has some rough downfalls. The hardest two are having newly diagnosed kids- because you know the grueling treatment they're about to experience- and the kids who's lives that have ended too early. Today, oh lordy, today seemed to be a shit show of both. There were 3 freshly diagnosed kids and one passing all in 10 hours. Its a lot to process and recover from and one way you cope is by become quiet.

Some days you just don't feel like talking. It's not always because you're exhausted or grieving, you just aren't in the mood for speaking. So it's not Spencer's fault for misinterpreting your silence.

As soon as you changed clothes and walked into the kitchen, Reid started to tell you all the new facts he learned from a mushroom documentary he watched. He followed you to the breakfast bar, leaning against it as he talked while simultaneously watching you make a warm cup of tea.

You see, today was a rare day Spencer had off. He'd been on a case in Maine that dealt with mushrooms being used in helping with decomposition. To say the least, the unsub was not a fun guy (fungi, get it? lmao I'm dumb) and the team needed a well deserved break.

And while you usually, almost always, love his factual rambles, all you wanted was for him to be quietly cuddling with you on couch as you watch Little Shop of Horrors. Being in his arms was both of you twos favorite thing. He loved to play with your hair as he held onto you while you played with the side seam of his shirt absentmindedly.

"I know you say it as a joke but I don't think we can say 'People eat dead mushrooms, mushrooms eat dead people,' anymore. The case really ruined it. Did you kn-"

You probably didn't know but at the moment you didn't care so you interrupted him- "Spencer, I love you. But please just shut up for a minute and hold me. Please?"

Wide eyed, Spencer immediately realized why you had been so quiet and moppey; today was a "bad one". "It was a bad day wasn't it? I'm sorry, love. Come on, let go snuggle."

And with that being said, he grabbed a hold of your hand and dragged you to the couch. Spencer layed down first, then pulled you on top of him, knowing you liked to lay your head on his chest. The sound of his heart's steady beat always calms you down. Once all snuggled down and comfy you opened up.

"Today was awful, Spence. So many new commers, so many families are having their lives flipped upside down. But we also lost a kiddo today. I know I can't tell you much cause of HIPPA but, god Spencer, I'm so fucking tired of seeing cancer take these sweet, innocent souls."

As you started to cry a little, Spencer lightly traced your arms up and down with his fingers. "I know you do bubs. I'm so sorry... How about we order some Mexican food and watch your favorite musical? Try to get your mind off of it?"

"That sounds perfect. Thank you, bubba. I love you and I'm sorry I told you to shut up."

Spencer lightly laughed at your comment "it's okay. I probably would of too if I were in your shoes. I love you."

You kissed him softly and quickly on the lips then nuzzled into the crook of his neck just as Spencer started the movie. Maybe today could be a little better than before, because in Spencer's arms everything seemed to be okay again.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x gn!reader #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds angst #criminal minds fluff

555 notes · View notes

mass-percussion · 2 years

Text

Gone in a Snap

summary: clint barton x fem!reader find each other in midst of mourning their lost love ones to Thanos' snap. five years have passed and the victims of the snap have finally returned.

warnings: the beginning is all smut, praise kink, being walked in on

MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY

word count: 545

chapter one || chapter two

"You are such a tease," Clint whispers in your ear as you rubbed your ass against his groin. You smiled big and giggled at your husband's remark, knowing that he would love you no matter what. He was all you had left, and you were all he had left.

It had been five years since Thanos snapped away half of the population. You lost your parents. Clint lost his wife and kids. You met Clint in a nasty dive bar in New York City, located between a strip club and a vegan pizza shop. He got your attention by sending you several free drinks. You, already intoxicated before the free drinks, decided to repay the debt by introducing yourself to him. You went with him to a dirty hotel room that night, and you have not left his side since. You dated each other for about a year before Clint proposed. There was no fancy wedding like you had always dreamed of, but his friends did accompany you guys to the courthouse. Together, you live in the Barton Homestead located in the middle of nowhere, Missouri. Even though you love each other so much, both of you still grieve for those you lost. However, the company you give each other makes the grieving process hurts much less.

"If you come and kiss me a bit, then maybe I'll consider making some breakfast for my husband." You retorted while rolling over. You scooted closer to Clint, so your naked bodies were touching.

"Happy three years, Mrs. Barton." Clint cooed, gently pushing strands of your hair out of your face. He kissed you softly while rubbing your back in small circles. It did not take long for your gentle kisses to turn into rough, passionate kisses. He broke the embrace and proceeded to get on top of you.

"Happy anniversary," You moaned while wrapping your legs around him. He was already working on your innocent core, rubbing his slender fingers against your folds. He slyly entered one finger inside you as another found your clit. "Please-" you beg, instantly cut off by him pulling his finger out of you and shoving them into your mouth.

"Good girls have to work to get what they deserve," Clint growled, unwrapping your legs from his waist and moving to lay flat on his back next to you. "Get up. Now." With a small pout, you complied and got on top of him. You spat into your hand before rubbing his cock. Then, you placed himself at your entrance and lowered yourself down slowly, attempting to get used to his girth. It did not take long for you to find your confidence, and to begin riding him as if this was the last time you would ever make love. He showered you with praises which were constantly being interrupted by his own moans. You could feel that you were coming close to an orgasm which excited you even more.

"Yes!" You moaned loudly as a fire engulfed inside your stomach. You felt tears prick your eyes due to the intensity of your orgasm, almost as if a volcano erupted inside of you.

"Such a good girl," he growled while tightly holding your waist.

"Clint?" Asked female voice that was unfamiliar to you.

"Laura?"

#clint barton #hawkeye #clint barton x you #hawkeye x reader #clint barton x fem reader #avengers #clint barton smut #hawkeye smut #clint barton x reader smut #smut #fem reader #miniseries #fanfic #fanfiction

276 notes · View notes

aspoonofsugar · 3 years

Text

Penny’s Final Word

Cinder might have had the final word of the volume and that is a meta for another time. Still, there is another character who got to have another important final word:

Penny: Let me choose this one thing.

Penny’s arc has always been about self-actualization and escaping objectification.

She was created to be a weapon and everything was decided for her by basically... everyone:

Both enemies and loved ones alike ended up choosing for her multiple times, so it is fitting that Penny herself is the one who has the last word about herself. She makes the final choice that decides how her life should end and what her legacy should be.

At the same time, Penny’s final choice and sacrifice perfectly tie together all the major themes explored in the Atlas arc.

This analysis will try to explore her arc and to show how it is central to everything the Atlas volumes wanted to convey.

PENNY AND HER FAIRIES

What makes a person a person and not something else?

This is a key question in Penny’s story and it can’t be answered without addressing who her Blue Fairy is.

Is it Fria?

Or Ambrosius?

The answer is neither and both. These two characters are definately references to the Blue Fairy, but they are not the ones who make Penny feel human. The one who does is ironically a red fairy:

You saw my soul Through the nuts and bolts You're the friend I can trust Helped me see I'm not just a machine

It is Ruby’s aknowledgement of Penny’s personhood that makes Penny feel alive.

So, what about Fria and Ambrosius? What is their role?

Fria chooses Penny as the next Winter Maiden. This is a powerful moment thematically because it is an aknowledgement of Penny’s humanity. She has always been a real girl, a Maiden at Heart, hence she can be given the powers and protect them.

Ambrosius removes Penny’s robotic parts and makes the “real” Penny come to the surface:

Ambrosius: Okay, but if I take the robot parts out of her, that would leave...

Blake: Penny. The girl who's always been there underneath it.

Penny’s new body is human because Penny has always been human and has always wanted to feel human.

In short, these two moments are moments of recognition of Penny’s humanity. She becomes a human both in soul (Fria) and body (Ambrosius). In particular, she has always had a human soul and this is why it can be tied to the power of the Maiden. When it comes to her body, she aquires a human one because her new appearance is nothing, but a mirror of her soul.

Still, even if these two moments are both meaningful, they are also moments where Penny receives something passively. They are aknowledgements of Penny’s humanity yes, but Penny wants more. She wants personhood aka to live as her own person.

To truly become a person one must be able to make their own choices. And interestingly, Penny’s free will is linked to both moments with her two blue fairies.

Ambrosius’s magic does not simply give Penny a human body, but it gives her back her freedom. Not only that, but it makes it impossible hacking her ever again.

Fria’s interaction with Penny is more complicated.

First of all, Fria does not impose the power on Penny, but asks her to make a choice:

Fria: Penny. Are you the one?

Penny: I…

And Penny does so in a sense, but it is gray. Penny is given no time to think about this choice, differently from both Winter and Pyrrha. It is something imposed on her by the events:

Penny: But taking the Maiden power was the only way to stop--

Moreover, it is something she very clearly does not want:

Penny: I was the protector of Mantle, but now, I am much more than that, and I wish I was not.

In short, Penny’s interaction with Fria is a recognition of her humanity, but also a duty imposed on her by external occurrences.

It is not what Penny herself wants. To truly be human, instead, Penny should make her own choices and be given the chance to pursue what she wants.

Still, what does she truly wishes for?

PENNY AND HER JIMINY CRICKETS

Penny’s wish is made obvious since her first appearance:

Penny: "You called me 'friend'! Am I really your friend?"

Ruby: "Uuuum... Y-Yeah, sure! Why not?"

My wish came true That day that you appeared And called me friend

She wants friends to the point that Ruby’s awkward aknowledgement of their friendship is enough to make Penny completely loyal to the other girl.

At the same time, there are many Jimini Crickets that go in the way of Penny’s wish for friendship:

Penny: I've never been to another kingdom before. My father asked me not to venture out too far, but... You have to understand, my father loves me very much; he just worries a lot.

(...)

Penny: I... was asked not to talk to you. Or Weiss. Or Blake. Or Yang. Anybody, really.

Ruby: Was your dad that upset?

Penny: No, it wasn't my father...

Both Ironwood’s high expectations and Pietro’s overprotectiveness make so that she is not free to enjoy her own life as she wants.

She arrives to the point that she comes up with a plan to stay at Beacon with her new friends:

Penny: Ruby, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about. I want to stay at Beacon.

Ruby: Penny, they'll never let you do that.

Penny: I know, but I have a plan.

However, we never discover what this plan is:

This does not happen by chance and Penny’s plan is not a dropped plot-point. It is symbolic of how her agency is completely negated. She is objectified to the point that her story is interrupted before she can take any action. It is a meta-way to comment her character and her major struggle.

Penny’s first death is more than a murder. It is a way to refuse Penny’s personhood and agency:

Ruby: And Penny… was killed… just to make a statement.

She is used as a symbol of Atlas’s shady research. Penny’s own self is forgotten in the chaos that follows.

The same thing happens in Atlas as well:

Ruby: I don't think Robyn was their target. Salem's goal has always been to divide us. I think Penny was exactly where they wanted her, just like at the Vytal Festival.

This time she is not framed as a victim, but as a perpetrator and used as the symbol of an authoritarian regime.

Her enemies’ objectification of Penny is made clear in many ways:

Cinder: I have come too far to be stopped by some toy!

Cinder: You’re just a tool to be used!

Salem: Although he remains in captivity, it seems that he has worked with Ironwood to gain some control over the puppet masquerading as the Winter Maiden.

And Watts’s virus is just the culmination of it. It is the embodyment of the Jiminy Cricket trying to overwrite what Penny wants.

At the same time, though, Penny’s enemies are not the only ones who try to control her:

Pietro: I lost you before. Are you asking me to go through that again? No. No. I want the chance to watch you live your life.

Penny: But dad… I am trying to.

Penny’s loved ones have tried to protect her all along. However, this wish of protection ends up going in the way of what she really wants:

I've been combat-ready since The day dad made me Now I'll fight for something more Might sound wholesome, But strangely I've got friends Fighting for

What Penny wants is to fight together and for her friends. She does not want her life to be considered less than others’. Still, she does not even want it to be put before others’:

Cinder: I don’t serve anyone. And you wouldn’t either, if you weren't built that way.

Penny: That is not…I choose to fight for people who care about me.

In short, it is as Maria says:

Maria: Don’t you think Penny has had enough people telling her what to do?

PENNY AND BEING A REAL GIRL

At its root, Penny’s struggle has always been this:

Penny: I feel like I wish I could do both the things I need to do and the things I want to do. Is that normal?

She wants to reconcile her duty and her personal wishes.

It is her duty to accept the power of the Maiden and to protect it.

It is her wish to live with her friends and to protect them.

These two things end up coming into conflict multiple times:

Penny: And after the launch, I’ll return to help you all with the evacuation.

Pietro: About that, Penny. When Amity goes up, I think you should be on it with Maria and I.

Penny: But they need me here. Right?

Ruby: Well, if you stay far out of Salem’s reach, then she can’t open the vault. She can’t get to the relic. So...

Weiss: Maybe it is for the best?

Until the finale where Penny makes a specific choice:

Weiss: Penny, no!

If Penny were to act as the perfect Maiden, she would have just gone to Vacuo with the staff. In this way she could have protected both the relic and the power. Even if Cinder had ended up killing all her friends, Salem would have still lost.

However, Penny decides not to act as a Maiden, but as a friend:

Penny: You wouldn’t know anything about friends.

Even the reason why Cinder manages to mortally wound her is because Penny is worried about Jaune and Weiss and gets distracted for a second:

However, it is specifically in the moment of her death that Penny is able to make a choice to reconcile both who she is and what she has to do.

She chooses to protect the power:

Penny: She can’t get the staff..and the power.

And to save a friend:

Penny: I thought of you. And here we are.

Winter would have died without the Maiden powers and the same can be said about the people stranded in Vacuo. Penny saves all by choosing to be the one in control of her death.

Her choice is extremely powerful thematically and it ties together all the themes explored in these last two volumes.

1) It is a choice about trust:

Penny: Trust me.

Winter: Thank you for trusting me with this.

Penny asks to be trusted and chooses to trust as well. After all, this is what friendship is all about:

Attached but not By strings

It is a choice that uses the motif of “the part of you” in two different ways.

2) Becoming a part of someone else can be seen as a reference to the process of grieving, which is one of the themes explored in this volume:

Grieving means to come to terms with your loss, to accept your feelings for the people who are gone and also their contradictions:

Robyn: Clover was a lot of things. You respected him, but I gotta tell ya, I think you’re the better Huntsman.

Vine: Then perhaps Clover was wrong too.

The lost ones will be missed regardless:

Harriet: Don't you dare! Clover was... He was...

Vine: ...Important to you.

Still, once you manage to finally grieve, you’ll realize the other person has become a part of you:

It does not matter if Qrow’s semblance has evolved, if it is a part of Clover’s power having stayed attached to the pin, both or if it is Clover looking out for them.

What’s important is that Clover will keep on living inside Qrow because Qrow will never forget him or what Clover has taught him:

Clover: You shouldn't do that, you know.

Qrow: Don't worry, I-I gave that up.

Clover: I meant deflect a compliment. Those kids wouldn't be where they are without you. You've had more of an effect on them than you realize.

Qrow should love himself. Only in this way he can stop being a self-fulfilling curse. Only in this way he can start looking at his own life with hope and wish for good luck.

Similarly, Penny won’t be forgotten and her legacy will live through Winter:

Penny: She's… gone.

Winter: No. She's a part of you now.

Penny: I won’t be gone, I’ll be part of you.

3) Penny becomes a part of Winter because Winter is finally able to do this:

Winter: But yes Penny, we must still acknowledge our personal feelings, wrestle with them. It ensures us that we're on the right path. It's what makes us human.

Winter is the one who taught Penny this, but it is obvious that through volume 7 and 8 she has avoided to face her feelings for both her family and Ironwood. By the end of volume 8, however, she is finally able to accept her emotions. She can finally follow her heart. Penny becoming “a part of her” is symbolic of this. As a matter of fact their dynamic has always been about Winter acting as “the mind” and Penny being “the heart”.

Symbolically they integrate because they both are becoming their own person even if in different ways.

Winter becomes her own person because she rejects this mentality:

Winter: Penny. The general is making hard choices so we don't have to.

Penny becomes her own person because she is finally in control of herself and her destiny. Moreover, she is able to do for Winter what Ruby has done for her:

Winter: No, Penny, you were always the real Maiden at heart. I was just a machine. Just… following orders.

Penny: You’re my friend.

She affirms Winter’s personhood and in this way she affirms her own as well.

In other words, this version of Pinocchio does not end with the protagonist being transformed into a real boy by the Blue Fairy, but with Penny transforming Winter in the Blue Fairy:

So “becoming fully human” in RWBY means to do this:

Qrow: This last great creation would be given the power to both create and destroy. It would be given the gift of knowledge, so that it could learn about itself and the world around it. And most importantly, it would be given the power to choose, to have free will to take everything it had learned and decide which path to follow - the path of light or the path of darkness. And that is how Humanity came to be.

It is about gaining knowledge, like Penny does about feelings and relationships, loving life and accepting death. Finally, it is about making a choice, even if it is painful.

This is because being human is not always simple. It can be hard:

But I found that humanity It came with sacrifice

Having a human soul means you have a duty to do the right thing out of your own free will, like Fria’s gift showed.

Having a human body means you can experience the warmth of a hug:

But it also means you can be mortally wounded:

This is Ambrosius’s teaching.

Still, it was worth it all for Penny because she got the chance to meet friends and to feel alive:

An answered prayer A chance to Share the world To be a girl Who fin'lly felt alive

This is why her second death can be juxtaposed to her first one. Both times she was killed by Cinder. However, the first time she was used as a pawn in Cinder’s plan. This time instead she is not letting herself be controlled and she negates Cinder what she really wants out of her own free will.

In conclusion, there is this phrase by Jean-Paul Sartre:

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

And I think it sums up Penny’s story perfectly.

Penny does not choose to be born a robot or to be used as a weapon. She is objectified in multiple ways...

Still, she manages to make something amazing out of herself.

#rwby #rwby vol8 #penny polendina #rwby meta #rwby spoilers #my meta #qrow branwen #even if only a little

507 notes · View notes