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j0elmill3r · 4 years

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Choose Life; Part Two

Bucky Barnes x Daughter!Reader

Bucky Barnes Masterlist

[Part one]

Warnings; A shit ton of angst, swearing, shooting, angst, injuries, yelling, angst, no happy ending, replacement, abandonment, did I say angst? Bucky being a bit of a dick and a shitty dad, abuse? Child neglect?

A/N; There’s like a full blown reference to ‘Trainspotting’ in this, 10 points to anyone who finds it.

Word count; 2.7k

You had barely survived. If they had found you minutes later, you would be dead. The serum in your blood had kept you going for a few more hours than it would any other person, lucky you. For the first week, you were confined to your bed with all of the IV drips and other injections you were given. Bucky had visited you, trying to make conversation, which you had no intent whatsoever on joining in on. He said it himself, he wished they had left you in HYDRA, so that meant that he never wanted you. Your plan was that as soon as you could, you would get out of the compound and disappear from the grid all over again. But your plan was ruined when Bucky said they had installed brand new cameras so they could always keep an eye on you if no one was there when they were gone on missions. That pissed you off, you didn't need or want this. You didn't want or need any of this.

"Alright, we need to have this talk now. Otherwise, we'll spend the rest of our lives hating each other, and I don't want that," Bucky said. You were sitting in the common room, reading, surprisingly.

"We don't need to have any talk. You said everything you wanted when you told me how you really felt," You stood up from your spot on the couch and walked away, but Bucky grabbed your wrist gently. "If you wanna keep that hand, let me go," You warned him.

"Y/N, please, just sit the fuck down," Bucky begged. You shook your head and sat down. "Thank you,"

"So, what part do you want to talk about first? The part about you sending me back or the wishing you never found me part?" You asked him. Bucky sighed as he sat down on the couch in front of you.

"Neither of those. If we're gonna fix this relationship, we have to start all the way back at what you went through," He said. You scoffed and laughed.

"There is no 'relationship' between us to fix. You had your chance at that years ago," You told him. "And anyway, I know why you're doing this,"

"Because I care about you?" You sensed the weariness in his voice and you nodded.

"For someone with a skill set as big as yours, I wouldn't be surprised if lying wasn't in there. You're not doing this because you care, you're doing this because you're guilty," Bucky knew that you were right. He was guilty, so fucking guilty. He was guilty of choosing to be an Avenger over being there for his daughter, who had to figure out a new and scary life all by herself. He was guilty of not sitting down and addressing whatever issues you had, and not helping you with them. He was guilty, and he knew it. "And guess what, there's nothing you can say or do to change what happened,"

"But we move forward," Bucky said.

"Move fucking forward!?" You yelled. You shook in anger and tried to ignore the sting of tears in your eyes. "I can't move forward! I don't know whatever hallucinogenic drugs you're on, but you sure as hell better get off of them! How can we move forward after everything? Everything that has gone wrong with me has gone wrong because of you," You pointed at him angrily. "I asked you to talk about things with me, I tried to ask for help, but you didn't fucking care!"

"I did care!" He defended himself. You scoffed and laughed.

"You cared? If you cared, you would've asked me what was going on! You would have done what any dad would've done and talked through it, you would have gotten me help! I used to look at Peter Parker and Tony and I would be so, so fucking jealous!" You cried. You didn't even care that he could see that you were crying now.

"Why? Why were you jealous of them?" Bucky asked you carelessly. When you saw how Peter and Tony interacted, it made your heart hurt. You were in no way maliciously jealous, no, not like that. It was what you wanted from your dad, your dad that didn't give a damn about you. Peter and Tony spent more time with each other in a month than your dad ever did with you in 6 months. "I tried my hardest, Y/N. But effort goes both ways, kid!"

"I wanted a dad like that!" You yelled. "I wanted a dad that told me he was proud of me. I wanted a dad that talked to me other than the times he would tell me how much of a fuck up I was," You said.

"I never called you a fuck up, Y/N. It's called discipline," He said. You huffed out tiredly, you felt so defeated.

"You might be father, but you'll never be my dad," You said sadly. "You never were my dad anyway, you took a look at me and knew I was a lost cause. You clearly wasted your time, just choose a HYDRA base and then drop me off there," You finished.

"Y/N, please. We have to have some form of hope we can fix us," Bucky had noticed your change in attitude, your anger had disappeared and you were tired, tired of fighting.

"Hope? I ran out of hope when I was tied to that chair, and I prayed to God that you would come and save me, but you didn't. And I can't believe that it took me nearly dying for you to think to step up and finally be a dad," You stood up and left the room, leaving Bucky feeling like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped all over it. He had lost you, and it was his fault.

Your second month at the Avengers compound had flown in, you were happy to be there and away from HYDRA. But, as with anyone who came from a HYDRA background, a past with HYDRA didn't come without the nightmares. They were the worst, most times you couldn't escape them, the fear would paralyze you and leave you screaming for help in your head where no one could hear you. On the off chance, you would wake up, you went to your dad, Bucky. But at some point, it felt like he didn't care anymore. The first month, he tried to get to know you, but you weren't for opening up to anyone yet, you didn't know if you could trust these people yet. By the time your second month came around and you felt ready to open up to him, he had apparently moved on from you and didn't care for you. So you were left to adjust, all by yourself. The other members of the Avengers were convinced that Bucky was helping you, so they gave you the bare minimum. You were sat in the kitchen area of the compound, a glass of water in front of you. You heard screaming from down the hall and you turned around curiously. Within the blink of an eye, Steve and your dad came into view and both walked right past you, and went around a routine as if you weren't there.

"Dad?" You said quietly. Bucky looked up at you and flinched back, obviously startled by you being there. "Are you okay?" He ignored you and went to sit on the couch. Your heart felt like it was being pulled on. Steve looked up at you and frowned, he noticed how shaken up you looked.

"You alright kid?" He asked you. You thought about telling him, but he didn't get up at 2 in the morning to hear about your problems, so you shook your head. "You should get back to sleep, it's late,"

"I'm not tired," You grumbled. Steve sighed and put his hand on your back.

"I know, Y/N. But you're supposed to stay in your room unless it's necessary, we don't need you wandering into the pool or something and drowning," You nodded and stood up, going to your room and leaving Steve and Bucky on their own. But they weren't on their own. You on the other hand, were.

You were gone. The team came back from a mission one day and found that the cameras had been disabled and you weren't anywhere to be seen. It was as if you vanished off the face of the earth, no one had a clue where you were. Bucky couldn't help the paralyzing fear that took a grip on him, as much as you wanted to deny it, he was still your dad and he had the paternal instinct that he wouldn't be seeing you for a while, and long, long while. That was 5 years ago. Bucky's hope, much like yours, had gone. He had long accepted the fact that you were probably dead, but it didn't mean he was okay with it, far from it. The team learned of what had gone down with both of you and were less than happy with Bucky, especially Natasha and Wanda, who had been the ones to try and fix you and Bucky. Bucky understood why you left, it was him that drove you away, he had no one else to blame other than himself. No one ever saw you or found any trace of you.

"You're sure about this?" Matt asked you. Matt was your boyfriend, you met him when you were taken into the police station, only this time you had to make a run for it because your dad wasn't listed anymore. He was in the station for Grand Theft Auto, and then arson. The two of you connected and then you helped each other get out of the station. You had been with him for years, and they were the best years of your life.

"Yeah. The only person in the base should be Banner, but he's usually asleep at this point." You told him as you looked at the compound from afar. "Everyone else is gone," You confirmed. Matt nodded and then took your hand.

"Are you sure that this isn't about getting back at your dad?" He asked you. Matt knew everything, he was the only person who did. He also trusted you enough that he was willing to join the new branch of HYDRA, TAG, because you knew it would keep you both safe and covered, since every police station in New York had both of your faces and a price over your heads. You sighed and shook your head.

"I'm sure, Matty. Now, if we're ready, I'd rather we got this over with," You smiled softly and let go of his hand. For some reason, F.R.I.D.A.Y didn't rat you out when you got into the compound through the window of the room that used to be yours. You had guessed it had something to do with Bucky holding on to some sliver of hope that you would come home, but this wasn't you're home anymore, hell, it never was. You noticed that your room looked different, the walls were now a pale pink, rather than the light grey they used to be, all of your posters had been taken down and replaced with certificates and medals, making an uneasy feeling sit down in your stomach.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Matt asked you. You shook your head and focused. Your job was plain and simple, take out and Avenger to send a warning, and it was always going to be easier to do it if there was only one to take out. The bullet you had was made to kill Banner, TAG had been working on it since you and Matt approached them.

"Nothing. Come on, we should go and do this,"

"And this is my daughter, Poppy," You knew that voice, and for another thing, you knew that you didn't have a sister. They weren't all supposed to be here, not right now. But you thought you had gotten over this, but you were wrong, dead wrong. You knew you were easily replaceable, but you didn't think that your dad would replace you so quickly. "She's 15, I adopted her two years ago," You and Matt had snuck out of her room and stood behind the doorway of the common room.

"Wow, you're over Y/N quickly," Natasha piqued. Poppy frowned and sighed, making you smile. Maybe you didn't have to physically hurt the Avengers, you had to emotionally traumatize one. Bucky ignored her comment and put his arm around Poppy, making your heart tug.

"Anyway. She's enrolled in high school, and I'm so proud of her! She aced her AP Physics test with flying colours," You shook your head in anger. Matt tapped your shoulder and shook his head, telling you to stay calm, which he knew you wouldn't. Natasha smiled at Poppy as she left the room, she hadn't done anything wrong, she was just a clueless little kid who had no idea how much of a bad person her adoptive father really was.

"Dad, who's Y/N? People keep saying her name and I don't know who she is," Poppy complained. You bit your lip and smirked as you moved to stand in the doorway.

"You never told me I had a little sister," Bucky's face paled as he saw you standing, a firm look on your face and your arms crossed over your chest. "I'm Y/N. Your dad's real, kid," You told her. Poppy gulped as Bucky moved in front of her. "Y/N? How-what-where the hell did you go?!" He asked. You smiled and laughed.

"I left, joined another terrorist organization since you wanted it so badly," You told him. Bucky was sure he was about to faint.

"TAG? You joined fucking TAG?!" He yelled. You nodded. "How could you?" He asked you incredulously. You scoffed and raised your eyebrows. "How could I? No, how could you?! First, you replace me and second, you don't even tell her about her big sister? Wow, I mean, it still makes you a shitty dad, but she has you good, better than I ever did," You said.

"I changed, alright. After you-"

"After I what? Nearly died? So what was I? An experiment? Because the last time I checked, I was supposed to be your daughter, not an excuse to change," You had moved forward to stand in front of him.

"I tried," He said. You chuckled as you pulled your gun out of its holster and pulled it up to his forehead, not even making him flinch. Matty had moved from the doorway and was standing a few feet behind you. Poppy was sobbing as she watched the confrontation go down.

"Well clearly, you didn't try hard enough," You said lowly.

"If you're gonna hold a gun, Y/N, at least shoot someone," You smiled at his words and then pouted, nodding.

"Okay, I will," You assured him. You smiled as you moved the barrel of the gun from his head and behind him, you pulled the trigger and shot a bullet into Poppy's heart. Bucky slid to his knees as she fell to the floor in a heap, she was dead before she hit the floor. You smiled manically, and Bucky knew that any trace of the young girl you used to be was completely gone, and replaced by the woman who stood in front of him. A woman who had been completely ruined as a child, a woman who was traumatized. "I would say I'm sorry, but I'm really not," You said. You walked over to Matt, who put his lips on yours and put his arms around your waist. Bucky saw that you had dropped the gun you shot Poppy with, in his blind rage, he grabbed it and went to shoot you. You smiled and walked over to him, you looked down. "You gonna shoot me, daddy?" You asked him.

"Y/N," You kicked him in the chest and smiled as he fell back with a grunt. You put your foot on his chest, keeping him pinned to the floor.

"You know the saying, 'Choose Life'. Well you know what, fuck life. Why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life, the reasons? There are no reasons, who needs reasons when you've got a dad that hates you and the ability to cause so much trauma, not even the best psychiatrist could save you?" You said. Bucky looked up at you, fear in his eyes, you took pride in that fear. "Well, have a good day, Bucky"

You walked out of the compound.

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itsdangeroustorunaboutinthedark · 3 years

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19, 20

18 hours~

18 hours ive just slept. dont know how much i slept yesterday. the day before that slept 3 different times, 2-3 hours each. it felt like 4 days went by in that one day, not just because of the sleep patterns. that morning i woke up, or i was woken up, with an already shit feeling that was just about to get worse. i realized, if todays events were to go as planned, id probably kill myself. there was a plethora of reasons for that, going so far back it's almost laughable. a large component to ensuring i would carry it out, was that id be alone for the next few days. it felt, feels? extremely pathetic, even though the being alone in itself had no part in the reasons building up to such major suicidalness. suicidality? whatever. the conditions surrounding that being alone were some reasons; the being alone itself was just the perfect setting to allow it. but i couldnt say that. i couldnt say, in this situation specifically, that if i was left alone id probably kill myself. it'd be manipulative, would it.. though maybe what i ended up doing was no different. "i think im going to admit myself to the psych ward" was essentially what i ended up saying. i was met with so much support, it felt worse in a way. not as in worse than if id been met with anything else, just, worse than i had felt before. i felt guilty. i felt selfish. it felt like i was saying whatever just to get my way. even though all "my way" was, was to live, and to hopefully not leave the animals unattended in the process. foremost the animals, really. after having been shown awkward support, albeit shocking in a good? way, i regretted saying anything. or maybe i didnt, maybe those feelings didnt come til later. either way, the guilt was, still is, all-consuming. making calls to inpatient services piled on the guilt even more. i shouldnt be wasting these peoples time, there are surely those worse, ill be fine now, probably. the same feelings of guilt towards the person i admitted this to, and to the admissions people at the looney bin, grew even more while at the crisis center the next day. there were cases, serious cases, serious-er cases, being discussed by the staff. severe drug addict, has uncontrollable seizures, huge gaps in memory, is in and out of the hospital, only 21. someone came in with a fucked up leg, brought in by someone else. another came in with 5 bags packed, as if this was a usual visit, prepared to stay for a long while. another person, also accompanied, came in, just as quiet as i was. i knew not to compare. i knew everyone goes through things differently, presents differently, and presentation alone hasnt a sole explanation on whats actually going on with a person. and it wasnt these exterior comparisons that lead to the guilt, but that i was no longer feeling the unbearable despair and violent willingness to go through with what i had planned the day before. i didnt feel good, i didnt feel okay, i felt numb. but numb is better than That, numb is no reason to take up the time of people who are busy trying to help people with worse problems. they were kind, and seemingly all too knowing, and they sent me home with a couple phone appointments. i didnt know how to feel about it or what to think, the only prominent feeling still being guilt, somehow residing along nothingness. perhaps emptiness would be a better word. i was so confused about what to feel and think and so overwhelmed with guilt, that for a short while after any time i tried to speak about it, my mind would go blank and i sounded like a malfunctioning printer trying to get words out. now its the day after, technically two days after, and i still feel nothing. or i feel empty. or i feel numb. the words i was told when i first spoke of my plans to admit myself, and in turn some of the feelings/reasons that led to that, still ring in my ears; "it often looks you're doing better, but i think you're just distracting yourself." im still not sure whether thats entirely true, but it is at least partly, and its distinctly how i decided to live at the ripe-old age of 12 or 13, when i was in a different, arguably worse and far more hopeless set of circumstances. i remember it now n again, and every once in awhile i come across the note i wrote to myself at the time as a reminder, it saying only "distract yourself". its been 7 or so years since. so much has changed, i have far more ability to make further changes by myself than ever before. a week before all of this happened, i was determined and taking the first steps to make what would probably be the largest change of my life so far. and all it took to take me from that to the pits of despair was several ever-smouldering struggles and a couple of current happening-problems. and now i dont know what to do. im mostly numb, maybe a slight bit anxious, and i dont know what to do next. im going to have to face everyone about what's going on, and I don't know what to tell them. and I'll once again feel guilt, because I don't know how i feel or what to say, because i didn't go through with the attempt, because ive wasted people's time over this. because i knew as soon as i wasnt going to be alone, the main excuse to kill myself was gone, and i couldn't admit that to the person who was leaving, the same person who contributed to so many of the events that brought upon the feelings that lead up to this point. that lead up to it this time, that lead up to it several times before. i told work i had been admitted earlier than i actually had been because i didnt want to let them know very last minute, and they were so kind about it; and then i was discharged within an hour. i dont want to go anymore. i dont know if i should. i can think of 100 reasons why i shouldnt, maybe only a few convincing reasons why i should. i look at my ongoing suicidal ideation, and since now that it's met with indifference to the actions and potential outcomes rather than turbulence, i shrug it off. i think, i think thats what im supposed to do.

and all of this sounds like self pity, self loathing, utter dejection, such things that i hold such disdain for and cant handle in other people anymore. its irritating, its pathetic, all i need to do to improve is take a step, a step in literally any direction. and eventually, i will, maybe. if i make it to that point. but right now, i dont know. im not sure any of this is true. im not sure of anything, period. and thats a lie. and its not. ah

#wuahjkhsdf yea #tw suicide #hi i just had to edit this bc i spelt suicide as suidice #hjelp girl my shjip #there is no real point or moral to this btw #idk #gnya

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jungxk · 5 years

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just one (vi)

notes: the only guy on campus who’s track record trumped that of your best friend’s - park jimin - was jeon jungkook. not that that was a problem…until he set his sights on you.

warnings: smut (f recieving), protected sex

genre: drama, romance, humour, college!au

wordcount: 5.3k

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii // part ix // part x

you watch sadly as you tip your case of empty paint tubes into the bin. they were your absolute favourite, a birthday gift from jimin almost two years ago. you had been so careful and stingy with them all this time to preserve as much as possible - at least to get you to the end of the semester - so it was disheartening to have to finally throw them out. oils were always your favourite. still, there wasn't much time for moping; if you were to get your next piece finished by the deadline you better start now because of the drying period between layers of watercolour.

"maybe jungkook has a hairdryer..." you mumble to yourself before padding over to his room. he's sitting at his tiny little work desk with his back to you when you peek over his shoulder. "kook, do you have a hairdryer?"

he points without removing his eyes from the screen. "the bottom drawer over there."

"thanks," you do a double take as you pass him with the appliance in tow, his eyes a little bloodshot and face twisted into what looks like terror. usually you couldn't so much as clean a paintbrush without jungkook all over you while you were at his place, but he barely spoke the whole afternoon. you take a tentative step towards him, because if he was anything like jimin when he's stressed he might get rabid. "you alright?"

"i dunno, am i?" he collapses back into the chair, threading his fingers through his hair which was getting wonderfully long. but the only thing you can pay attention to now are his panicked eyes and jittery knees. "i don't know what the fuck any of these numbers mean! why do i even need this for photography-"

"what is it?" you smooth your hand over his back, muscles stiff.

he deflates under your touch. "i agreed to peers taking questionnaires about my portfolio so far and i fucking regret it, noona. this stats software looks nothing like minecraft. i dont know what this all means. my prof said it'd help with cohesiveness - whatever that means - but he's off on one if he thinks this has done anything other than confuse me and ruin my life."

you try your best to hold back a smile, but jungkook is so cute when he's pouty and frustrated. "okay, well what are your variables?"

"my what? baby, i'm not in the mood right now-"

"no you dipshit, like," you gesture with your hands. "what are the things you're measuring? in the questionnaire?"

jungkook stares at you blankly. "i'm...what?"

you roll your eyes, grabbing the back of his chair to swivel him and plop onto his lap. "let me see."

jungkook has no idea what's going on, both because he doesn't know what you're talking about and also because you're covering the screen so he's spared of having to follow your clicking and tinkering. all he knows is that you fit nicely on his lap and that your bare thighs are warm on his, and it's much easier to focus on that anyway. especially since you aren't wearing underwear. after a few minutes he hooks his chin over your shoulder to at least try to keep up. "what are you doing, noona?"

"just cleaning up your dataset," you mumble. you finally perk up after a few more minutes. "oh, okay! so all you want to know is if the people who like the first half of your portfolio like the second half just as much, and whether that opinion affects the other? like a correlation, right?"

he sits up excitedly. "yeah! yeah, that's it," he stares at your profile in disbelief while you waste no time in running the analyses. "how do you know about this stuff, noona?"

"i did stats in my science major. the software i had back then, now that was a real pain in the ass. but this one isn't so bad," you reply absently while jungkook keeps staring at you like you're an angel that descended from the heavens especially for him. he has yet to believe otherwise. "hmm, you know i think you can skip all the sample level descriptives and cronbach's alpha scores and go straight to pearson's r if all you're looking for is a correlation. what would you prefer?"

he breathes in your hair; coconut, jasmine. his cologne. "you’re so sexy when i don’t understand what you’re saying."

jimin's face twists when he tests the contents of the pan. "can you tell me why this tastes like tae's dirty socks?"

“can you tell me why you know what tae’s dirty socks taste like?” you lean over the counter, swiping a finger over the ladle before bringing it to your mouth. you always used to cook for your family when you were younger, and although you had gone off it after what happened, you didn't mind when it was with jimin. with him, you didn't think about the memories of cutting onions with your father or grinding chillies with your mother and sister. it all felt new again, something that was never tarnished. which is why jimin is the only one you can stand to cook with even if he's unable to make anything but mojitos and a single pasta dish. "not enough garlic."

he squints at his phone while you manoeuvre him out of your way. "but it says two cloves in the recipe?"

"it's never two cloves," you take the knife and start to crush and peel more. "always start with four, maybe five."

"can't we just order takeout?" jimin pouts pathetically. he just washed his hair so its still damp, cheeks a rosy from the bathroom steam. you only wish his long line of hookups could see their ladies man now, bundled up in a powerpuff girls sweater that he stole from you months ago.

"no," you pluck his phone from his hand before he can dial, replacing it with more cloves for him to peel. "you've been having takeout all week! all that oil can't be good for you, what's the point of sweating your tits off in that gym if you're just gonna eat shit?"

"i don't always eat shit!"

"jimin. we share a just eat email account. i know the chinese place isn't sending me customer loyalty codes," he rounds the stool where you're sat in the small place between your back and the wall, his palm skirting behind your waist to move you gently aside. "just let me see you eat a vegetable today, i'm begging. so if you keel over tomorrow from IBS i'll feel less guilty."

"alright alright," he huffs, rubbing at his puffy eyes with his sleeve before picking up the knife again. "i don't see what the big deal is, if i was breaking out then that'd be another issue but my body can clearly handle it. maybe it's like that episode of drake and josh where his body becomes accustomed to all the junk food he eats and-"

"please don't use drake and josh as a marker for your health."

"fine," and then without missing a beat, "but what about kenan and kel? all that orange soda and kel was totally fine. healthy even."

"physically, maybe. but did you see the screw in the tuna episode? don't tell me he didn't have inner demons that may or may not have been increased by an overly processed diet," you pause. "wait, am i the kenan in this friendship?"

"depends. i want to say you're the brains but i've also seen you try to open a can with a fork, so."

"hey! that wasn't my fault!" you exclaim, but jimin ignores you purposely. "taehyung told me you fucked yeri in the kitchen, how was i supposed to know what was and wasn't contaminated?"

"___, the fork was plastic."

"well what else would you have me do, starve?"

"what is this, the fucking famine? you said it yourself, we share a just eat email so the smart thing to do would be order. besides i dunno what makes you think i'd fuck a girl with a can opener in my vicinity anyway-"

"um, you're you," you chastise. "so i rest my case."

"then i'm definitely kenan," jimin laughs when you swat at him before your phone vibrates, one after another until it almost falls off the kitchen counter if you didn't grab it in time. you don't dare to unlock your phone when you see the contact name on the screen, too hyper-aware of jimin eyeing you over the chopping board. even he sees the gist of the messages jungkook sent you.

[jungkook 7:13pm] u left ur shirt here again noona

[jungkook 7:13pm] at this rate ur never gonna get it back are u :)

[jungkook 7:14pm] i'm free all day tomorrow

[jungkook 7:16pm] wanna come over?

[jungkook 7:16pm] i still haven't washed it btw so

[jungkook 7:17pm] we can do laundry together :))

[jungkook 7:18pm] or maybe later tonight ? i can pick u up ?

you don't even get a good read of the messages - all those smiley faces gave you enough of an idea. it wasn't a surprise or anything, but you still switch your phone to do not disturb and leave it face down on the counter like you have something to hide. which you don't. so why did it feel so wrong? so disrespectful, here in jimin's kitchen? you gnaw at your cheek.

jimin has his back to you so thankfully you're spared of having to gage his expression. he's probably sent a million thirsty texts so he knows what they look like, knows that he shouldn't be surprised. still, he shifts from foot to foot uneasily. the only thing that makes him stop is you leaning wordlessly over him to lower the stove to a simmer, turning the tap on to wash some rice and hum quietly. here was jeon jungkook, arguably the biggest stud on campus blowing up your phone on a friday night but nothing felt different. you'd always choose him and jimin knew that.

"what do you think of egg fried rice?" you ask over your shoulder. "i haven't made it in ages. the one with the veggies?"

jimin smiles. "i love that one,"

"he's not back yet?" you ask when yoongi lets you into the flat, shoulders deflating childishly. he gives you a lazy shake of his head before nudging you to the sofa to take up your usual spot on the matted cushion in the corner, kicking your shoes away and sitting cross legged. yoongi and namjoon's flat was only round the corner from jungkook's, a worn down little two-bed that smelled rather questionable at times, but it quickly became a familiar place. a safe place. especially because of how often you'd come over while jungkook was running late at class or the gym or photo-hunting. coming to terms with the fact that you were sleeping with jungkook wasn't that hard, but being friends with his friends was.

"it's leg day. you know how jungkookie feels about his chicken calves," yoongi says before flopping down next to you. namjoon was tucked into the other side with a book, effectively squishing you into yoongi with his big shoulders. if jungkook was here he'd pout about having nowhere to sit and the thought only makes you more pleased. "he'd be there until sundown if you weren't waiting for him."

"are you sure you're one to talk about chicken legs?" you reach to tickle yoongi's knees and he barely manages to flinch away in time.

"i love my chicken legs the way they are, thanks. can't say the same for your boyfriend though."

you freeze. "i told you to stop saying that, yoongi. you know he hates the b word. one more slip up and you won't ever see me here again. last time he avoided me for two weeks!"

"never see you again? doubt it. your hair clogged the shower drain yesterday so you pretty much owe rent at this point," yoongi keeps flicking through the channels on the television. "besides, i know what a man with a monkey on his back looks like. kookie just doesn't like being reminded of it because unfortunately for him there's no rehab to quit you."

a rush of blood goes straight to your cheeks. yoongi loves to tease you and you know that, second only to jungkook who actually does get off to it, but you still tap nervously on the carpet with your toes while desperately hoping for namjoon to step into the conversation with a weird conspiracy theory or black hole fact he read on an astronomy blog. anything to dig you out of this metaphorical hole you and jungkook are hellbent on ignoring. yoongi sees the way you curl in on yourself slightly, a sensible and collected flower like you reduced to a fidgety school girl. it's cute.

"hyung," namjoon says with his eyes still glued to his book. "stop winding her up or her face'll explode and then jiminie will come for your throat."

yoongi scoffs. "and? what's that short-ass gonna do, cry on me to death?"

"you're like two inches taller than him."

"two and a half, actually."

"so he really was a crybaby?" you scoot to fold your legs under you. "jungkook told me before but i didn't believe him! i've tried everything but i can never get a reaction out of jimin...i mean, if horny isn't an emotion."

"oh yeah, totally," namjoon puts an arm on the back on the back of the sofa behind you when he looks up. his silver hair brings out the beautifully rich undertone of his skin and it's difficult not to stare, being so close. "if the patriarchy hadn't fucked him up he'd be a real tree hugger, i'm sure of it. but the last time i saw him cry was...hmm..."

"five years ago," yoongi chimes. "when jungkookie got caught."

"ooooh yeah," namjoon nods. "but jimin and jungkook were super close back then. he was so protective of him, waited in the custody office for hours until they finally-"

"wait," you look between them. "caught? what do you mean?"

the boys exchange a glance between them. it's not like you didn't know that yoongi sells weed and often with namjoon's help. in fact, they often told you about their wild stories and close calls. but they had never mentioned jungkook being involved with any of that stuff, and neither had he. you always just assumed that he'd kept his head out of it, being a college student and all but yoongi's shrugging and namjoon's pursed lips tell you otherwise.

"jungkook got charged with possession as a minor," yoongi says. "i mean, seventeen but still. too baby-faced."

"jungkook sold for you?" you repeat, not quite believing your ears. he had always been the better off out of his friends that often did shadier things, but the more you got to know him the more you felt like the jungkook you heard about and the jungkook you knew were two different boys. it really shouldn't have come as a surprise, since he had practically grown up with yoongi, namjoon and jimin. his hyungs were his family and he'd do anything for them, there was really no reason he wouldn't take up their trade.

"oh yeah, almost a year. he was good at it too," namjoon laughs. "our kookie's good at everything if you give him enough chances."

"so what happened?" you press. "does he...does he still sell?"

"are you kidding? we got him out of all that shit the second he stepped out the office," yoongi rubs the back of his neck. "jungkook isn't like us. he's a good kid with a lot of talent and he didn't need to be doing all that you know? we convinced him to go to school instead but even then, jimin made us swear to look out for him because he left earlier than kookie."

"wow, jimin really hasn't changed," you lean back. "in like, taking care of people i mean. so is that when jungkook got into photography? he did talk about getting his first camera when he was like eighteen or something..."

namjoon nods happily in recollection. "yup! we were so proud when jungkook got accepted into university, especially after jimin and hobi. people from our town don't usually pursue higher education-"

"especially with kookie's record," yoongi laughs.

"why?" you blink at him.

"the weed was one thing, but jungkook also got a strike for violence."

namjoon winces. "hyung, he's gonna throw a tantrum if you tell her..."

"i don't care. she's fucking him, she has a right to know," yoongi retorts evenly, dark eyes swivelling to meet yours. his light hair is matted from under his beanie, barely missing his lashes. "a few years ago jungkook beat a guy so bad he had to go into emergency. it was pretty gross. broken nose, missing teeth, you name it. he's been on thin ice since but he doesn't act like it."

you take a second to digest the information. "do you...do you know why?" you waver, unable to keep the horror from your voice. "knocking a guy's teeth out? people don't just do that!"

"kookie did," namjoon sighs.

"but why? it's so...i just can't imagine jungkook doing something like that..."

"something like what?"

your head snaps to the doorway where jungkook can be seen only partially when he bends over to unlace his shoes, namjoon and yoongi simultaneously pinching your legs to wipe the wide-eyed look off your face. it was one of the many times when wearing your heart on your sleeve did not do you any favours. you just about manage to look normal enough within the half a second it takes for jungkook to come in, hair mussed from his post-gym shower and tee wrinkled from being stuffed into the bottom of his bag. his eyes look extra big today, nose and knuckles blushed pink from all the lifting. he couldn't look farther from the violent offender yoongi and namjoon described. in fact, the sudden urge to kiss him hello was near suffocating.

"i was telling her about the time you wore hyung's underwear for two weeks," namjoon explains, years of lying paying off with how smoothly he returns to his book.

"what!" yoongi splutters. "are you kidding?! a whole week, jungkook that's disgusting-"

the younger boy winces. "not the same pair!"

"wait. you took more than one?!"

"um..."

"how many. tell me right now you little shit."

"i promise they were clean!" jungkook says defensively, but his buck teeth show in a defensive little grin. it's impossible to be mad at him. "my washing machine broke, remember? and i never have change so i didn't go to the laundrette's and-"

"which ones?" yoongi's voice becomes obnoxiously loud with dismay. "tell me right now so can go upstairs and burn them. jesus jungkook you could have at least asked me, now i have to live with the knowledge that your bollocks is acquainted with mine until i die-"

"hyung they were clean," jungkook insists. "and if i asked i knew you wouldn't have let me borrow them!"

"yeah because it's gross! why didn't you just take joonie's?"

"i did. but he caught me and told me to take yours instead."

you just about manage to insert yourself between yoongi before he can grab a fistful of namjoon's hair while jungkook throws back his head in a loud cackle.

[jimin 7:58pm] you dont mind do u?

it's hard not to roll your eyes at his message, momentarily leaving your phone on the bed while you unclasp your bra. it wasn't the first time jimin had bailed on you last minute because of some girl he'd picked up for longer than expected. you're just thankful that this time he had the courtesy to tell you before you got to his house and burst into his bedroom without knocking only to see areas of your best friend you really did not need to see. even though you shudder at the memories - yes, plural - the sinking feeling of disappointment can't be masked. it's movie night.

[you 8:01pm] yh its fine

[you 8:02pm] but u owe me one i put on a bra for you asshole

[jimin 8:04pm] ofc babe

[jimin 8:04] just skip it next time :)

you snort before locking your phone and throwing it on the bed, padding over the room in your knickers to select some sleeping shorts off the floor. jisoo went home for a family birthday and seulgi had a deadline for monday, so it was safe to say you were alone for the weekend. you were used to being alone but you didn't like it; it was the reason why you'd always trudge to jimin's if the girls weren't home or even yoongi and namjoon's, even if it was just to take a nap on their sofa. you needed the noise, the background bickering. that's why there's only so much paint brush washing and kitchen cleaning you can do before reaching for your phone and messaging jungkook.

or at least that's what you tell yourself when he's in your bed within the hour, head resting on your stomach and his leg thrown over your ankles. you trace along the tattoo on his bicep closest to you, admiring the cohesiveness and line placement while jungkook dozes off, like he often does after sex. he's had a long week so you let him sleep, hair sticking up and mouth open like a toddler, so impossibly cute you can't help combing through his nape. jungkook doesn't often spend the night at yours so this was a rarity, and you had to admit he did look a little out of place in your tiny little room. he was far too big for your bed, one foot already hanging off, clothes and jacket hurled into the corner with only cheap fairy lights to rely on so you don't go tripping over his shoes at the door.

you could draw him like this. jungkook's eyelashes are short and pin-straight, eyebrows angled and distinctive. quick, sharp pencil strokes. he's got the faintest shadow above his top lip from where didn't have time to shave today. you'd use charcoal for his hair, black with a slight wave. a swooping curve for his nose, a more gentle line for his jaw. he looks harmless like this: not at all resembling the boy yoongi described.

"why are you so quiet, noona?" he grumbles into the duvet, eyes still closed. "you should be snoring my ears off by now."

you pout. "i'm too busy wondering how i'm gonna get your river of drool out of my pillow."

he snorts. "throw your sheets in on a fast cycle and voila."

"what fast cycle? i just press every button on the machine until it starts."

he opens his eyes. "you're an animal."

you laugh, tugging on the roots of his hair where your hand is still nestled inside. "how do you know so much about washing machines anyway?"

"my mum worked a lot growing up," jungkook yawns. "hyung did the cooking and i did the laundry."

you freeze. "you have a brother?"

"i swear i told you that," he scoots across your stomach, taking the pillow with him to position it over your hip so he can look at you properly. his eyes look glassy in the lights, lids hooded and hair pushed back. a real dreamboat wrapped in a hello kitty duvet. "two years older, same as jimin."

"no wonder jimin cares about you so much," you keep playing with his hair, watching his eyes droop closed. "he may as well be your brother." jungkook hums in reply, growing more and more drowsy from all the petting. "so...how come your mum worked so much?"

his eyes open to look at you, hesitating. "dad left when we were young. she didn't really have a choice."

"i didn't know that jungkook..." you pause. "that must have been hard."

he rolls to face the ceiling, like he's thinking twice before he answers. "not really. eomma's a badass, there's nothing she can't handle. yeah money and stuff wasn't easy, and it sucked when i was younger and didn't understand why hyung and eomma were so upset after what happened, but it's whatever. the three of us are so good together, you know? i like it like this."

you nod. because you do know. or, did. you wonder now if that's the reason jungkook got involved with yoongi and namjoon in the first place, to help out his family, but even you know some questions are better left unasked. instead, you chip away at jungkook while you can, since you know barely anything about him beyond student life and his friends. who knows when he would be in the mood to open up again. "so what does your brother do?"

"an accountant. for some fancy law firm in the city," he smiles. "hyung is super smart. like you."

you laugh. "you know i didn't finish my first major, right?"

"by choice. not because you weren't capable," he finishes, and to that you have no choice but to shut up. no one had ever put it that way before. "he's super quiet like you too, keeps to himself. gives really good advice. oh my god, and his kimchi pork stew - amazing!" his teeth gleam take up his whole mouth when he smiles, lines creasing around his eyes. "so many times when me and mum would argue, hyung was the reason why we'd stop. guess i got her temper."

you watch him closely. "you argued often?"

"at one point, yeah. not because we didn't like each other or anything, just..." you can see him hesitating again, cheek sucked in from where he chews it while staring up at the ceiling as if the memories are playing back at him on a projector. you keep quiet, let him get there on his own. "mum went through a phase where she dated a lot. felt bad that neither of us had a father figure and all that bullshit. she brought home some real dickheads, some top tier cunts i'm telling you. and i...wasn't exactly nice to them. ever since then i just hate seeing girls be pushed around by assholes, you know? it does something to me, i dunno. here," he lays a hand over his stomach. "i can't just watch. i can't. it's like i'm gonna be sick."

it's hard not to cry listening to him, seeing the lines in his forehead appear along with the crinkle above his nose. it made sense now, what yoongi told you about before. thinking back to the whole escapade with jinyoung in your kitchen, the whole thing hit you differently.

jungkook was exactly the kind of boy your old family would have frowned upon, reckless and thoughtless and emotionally-driven in the face of adversity. absolutely everything you were taught not to be. but you admired him for those very reasons. before you can start crying you sit up, silencing jungkook with a kiss before he can ask you what's wrong. it's firm and deliberate, your hands holding both his cheeks. he's breathless. "you seriously fucking worry me, slick."

"oh?" his eyes stay focused on your lips while he moves to you, positions you underneath him on the foot of the bed, pulling your thighs around his hips so you gasp at the feel of his semi on your soft inner thigh. he dips his head to kiss along your sternum, hand ghosting over your breasts before closing his mouth around your nipple.

"i nev-never know what you're gonna do next," you exhale shakily, arching into him involuntarily at the sensation. jungkook takes the opportunity to rub the pads of his fingers against your cunt, using the remnants of your arousal to help you along. sure enough you accept his fingers greedily, but he takes his time in stretching you out and easing in further, further.

his thumb gently passes over your clit and you shake. "never? not even now?"

you have to forcibly yank his face away from your tits to kiss him, slowly and with passion. his skin grows damp under your hands, muscles rippling under your touch from where he holds himself up on his forearms. he likes feeling the softness of your tummy against his, your thick thighs cushioning him snugly against you. just like always, it's torture having to pull away from you for a brief second to grab a condom, but the familiar chuckle you breathe out to see him speed back into your arms almost makes it worth it. you take the packet from him, about to tear it open before he grabs your hand with a cheeky smile. "in a minute."

before you can question him about it you yelp he tugs you by the hips, sliding up to angle your ass so your knees have no choice but to hook over his shoulders. jungkook's arms wind around the top of your thighs, thick and secure, nails scraping gently through your coarse curls before he pulls your legs apart as wide as they'll go and lowers his mouth onto you. the noise you make is just as embarrassing as always, so loud and uncontrollable, hysterical even. you've gotten used to being jungkook's fourth, fifth and sixth meal of the day but he steals your breath away every time, leaves you squirming and trembling and this instance was no exception. today he was feeling indulgent so he eats you out messily, makes sure he's loud enough for you hear every squelch and slurp. you physically shake when he sucks a gently kiss to your clit, proud of yourself for not screaming. jungkook, however, isn't happy about that and keeps sucking until you do. harder, harder, and then filling you up with his fingers so you have something to clench around when you cum all over him in a rush.

your back is still off the bed when he reaches your eye level again, the family sound of the foil wrapper ripping from the condom packet making you lift your head up to look at him. he's already rolling it down his length when he peer downwards, and even though you only get a glimpse of his blushing head he's sticky and hot with pre-cum. you wiggle in anticipation and jungkook laughs at your cuteness before leaning back down, taking your hands in his for a change. he can see the appeal, interlocking your fingers with his palms against yours and using only his hips as leverage to push into your sopping center, letting you move against him so he's lodged in as deep as he can fit before he starts rocking into you.

your moans are his favourite song, maybe that's why he wants to listen to them all day. he'd like to make you cum again but it's difficult for him once his hips start stuttering uncontrollably, no matter how much he tries to slow his pace. you let go of his hands then to take his face, his eyes closed when he feels you press your smooth lips to his cheekbone; an encouraging kiss. a go on, i want you to kiss. the moan he let's out before giving in is fragile and wispy, nose digging into your neck while he ruts against you to his end. you clench around him harder just to hear jungkook whimper again, pliant and weak in your arms. all of a sudden, out of nowhere you wish you could feel the rush of his cream spilling from you when he pulls out to discard the condom. he nestles back into your breasts afterwards, smelling himself on your skin.

jungkook falls asleep smiling.

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cilliankelly · 3 years

Text

text 📱 cillian & ellie.

Discord text thread featuring: cillian & @robinscnfm

When: december 25th

Mentions: @judetaylorhq @loganstjames @iitsace

Description: ellie texts cillian to wish him merry xmas. they discuss their relationships and ellie encourages cillian to try and be better, but for himself, not for anyone else.

Trigger Warnings: insecurities galoooore but i think that’s it.

ellie.

merry christmas dumbass 🤩 hope u had a good time and that your leg is better ❤️ you’re awesome buddy

Cillian

thanks els bells

i know i don’t always act like i do, but i really do appreciate you and shit. thanks for everything and merry christmas

also i’m sorry about your couch

ellie.

i know you do ❤️ no problem. I really did take you in just to do you a solid, buddy

no problem 😂

i might not even need to get one. Yknow, logan asked me to move in and if i do, probably the less furniture the better. U know i have enough shit as it is lmao

Cillian

👀

does this mean you’re seriously considering it?

moving in with the boyfriend?

ellie.

honestly? I kind of am

i have until mid january to think about it

and i like his apartment, plus our schedules don’t always line up because he has a day job and i have a morning job and a night job, which makes hanging out impossible sometimes

Cillian

these all seem like very sensible conclusions

ellie.

They are. I mean. Its kind of scary im ngl

Cillian

definitely scary. but good i think.

ellie.

im not used to living with anyone which definitely freaks me out

and u know i love my crappy ass apartment

but.... its also exciting idk

Cillian

no i totally get it.

i mean it’s a little different for me bc until recently i didn’t really feel like i ever had a home

but it’s nice. it’s big and it’s kind of scary but it’s also really great.

ellie.

ohhhh wait wait 👀

are u moving in w .. someone?

its such a nice apartment too im ngl

and he doesnt let me pay for anything which wasnt an issue when we were 18 but now it makes me feel ✨very guilty✨

Cillian

fuck tell me about it

and i mean... yeah. he gave me a key for christmas

ellie

omg im so happy for you!!!!

thats so so awesome

fuckin scary too but im excited for u

Cillian

thanks. i desperately trying to not fuck it up anymore than i already have. but i feel good about it.

ellie.

he wants to marry me

Cillian

holy shit

i know you guys dated in high school but you’ve been together how long?

ellie.

a fuckin MOOD but hes lucky to have u. Yall are a good match

Cillian

wow thanks. that’s actually like, good to hear.

i kind of feel like i magically won the best friend/boyfriend lottery or something

ellie.

this time around? About a month. Overall? Like almost three years

but no. What he said was that he still had the ring he’d bought back then

and that he wanted to give it to me whenever i was ready to be asked

it fuckin scares me how much he loves me idk what i did to deserve it

U SAID BOYFRIEND

Cillian

sounds like we really are in the same boat

wait what

ellie.

im so happy

yeah we are. Idk ive never been with anyone who loved me so... up front and decisively

Cillian

it’s fucking terrifying

ellie.

it is

Cillian

like i’m really happy???? but i look at him and my chest gets all tight and all i can think about is how much it’s gonna suck to lose him.

also i’m a bit buzzed on wine right now and this conversation is staying RIGHT HERE eleanor.

i have a rep to maintain

ellie.

THATS LOVEEEEE CILLIANNN

and idk im conflicted. He told me he wanted to pick it up where we left off and i told him i wanted to take it slow, and he agreed

and i do want to take it slow....... but oof falling back to the place where we used to be before It happened has been so easy its fuckin scary

Cillian

and oh my god shut uuuuuuuuuuup

i can’t even imagine.

ace is back in town and that’s been... weird

ellie.

IM NOT GONNAAAA U LOOOVE UR BF

my resolve to go slow with him is getting weaker and weaker i am such a mess

i know. I think i saw her the other day. Hows everything on that front?

Cillian

i don’t know. fine? a little awkward. i don’t have feelings for her still but like. i see her and it reminds me how shitty i was. and still am.

ellie.

and dont worry. Yes people leave but not the ones that really love you.... and i have a feeling u found it

Cillian

i think it’s really bumming him out that like... nobody knows we’re... together.

ellie.

yeah why is that?

Cillian

i don’t know...

telling people makes it like... real.

and jude thinks that by not telling people it makes it easier for me to take it all back and regress or whatever

but i just... ellie i’m like positive that i’m gonna fuck this up. and i don’t know if i want to share it. with anyone really. not when it’s this good.

i don’t know if that makes any sense

ellie.

but its important to him

Cillian

he says it’s fine but i know it’s not.

ellie.

and listen

theres a strong possibility you WILL fuck it up and theres also a strong possibility that you will NOT fuck it up. No one knows.

and theres a possibility that he’ll fuck it up

or maybe something else will come in between you two and pull you apart

no one fucking knows ok dude

Cillian

jesus ellie, not making this any easier over here

ellie.

and you’re wasting the sweetest part of a relationship by thinking about the end

so like. The most u can do is stop thinking so far ahead, stop getting in your own way, and every day make the conscious decision to show him you love him and to not to fuck it up. Thats all any of us can do

Cillian

i don’t deserve him, i really don’t.

i’ve never felt so useless in my entire life.

ellie.

youre not useless

but i get you, i really do

Cillian

i can’t even fucking walk correctly. i can’t work. i can’t do anything

and i don’t know that i’ve ever like, really wanted to be better. but fuck. he deserves more than this.

ellie.

no no dont think like that

if you want to do anything about becoming more educated or some shit like that you have to do it for YOU because YOU deserve better

Cillian

it was hard enough the first time around. i’m just not cut out for it.

ellie.

i just think you havent found the right motivation

Cillian

and what’s that? the right motivation?

ellie.

idk how to describe it

like when i was in college i would think about graduating and being independent and it got me through boring classes and shit like that

so yeah. maybe what you need is motivation

Cillian

i know this is dumb. and it’s gonna get me an eye roll or something. but it’s just so much easier... to not.

ellie.

no its not dumb

but like. sometimes the things that are worth it arent the easy ones

Cillian

i just don’t want to fail again.

ellie.

bad news, youre gonna

Cillian

you’re all sunshine and rainbows this evening

ellie.

im tipsyyy

and also giving it to u straight

ur gonna fail bc failing is just. part of the human experience

but !! ur also gonna succeed my dude

Cillian

i guess you don’t know if you don’t try.

ellie.

also idk i think ur fear is valid and it happens to me too

so i just think itd be bullshit to tell u like <3 ur not gonna fail <3 everything will work out <3

Cillian

yeah. i wouldn’t believe you if you said that anyways.

ellie.

yeah exactly so like

the best thing i can say is that when you think that youre gonna fail just. try to think the opposite

Cillian

easier said than done

but i appreciate the advice

ellie.

yeah i know it is

no problem buddy <3 anytime

#texts → cillian & ellie #discord #i love these two sm

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theycallmegothboy · 3 years

Note

1-100 >:DDDD REVENGE!!!

FELIXXXXXXXXXXXX >:(( 1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? -spotify 2. is your room messy or clean? -it’s pretty messy i guess 3. what color are your eyes? -blue and grey

4. do you like your name? why? -yeah it’s fine 5. what is your relationship status? -single 6. describe your personality in 3 words or less -certified intrusive thot 7. what color hair do you have? -brown and rn it’s red 8. what kind of car do you drive? color? -i dont have a car 9. where do you shop? -hot topic, goodwill, target 10. how would you describe your style? -comfy emo 11. favorite social media account -of mine, probably discord or youtube 12. what size bed do you have? -twin >:(( 13. any siblings? -i have 1.5 brothers 14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? -probably vancouver, idk canada seems lit 15. favorite snapchat filter? -i like the one with devil horns and a tail but its cute 16. favorite makeup brand(s) -i dont wear makeup 17. how many times a week do you shower? -i used to shower every day, but i dont do anything that gets me dirty so like maybe 3 times but if i leave the house then i shower 18. favorite tv show? -stranger things 19. shoe size? -8 or 9 20. how tall are you? -5′6 with shoes >:(( 21. sandals or sneakers? -sneakers wtf 22. do you go to the gym? -lol no 23. describe your dream date -making some pie or something together and then eating the pie and then sitting on some rooftop looking at stars 24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? -quite a bit actually but i’m saving up for a phone lol so soon it will be like maybe 10 dollars lmao 25. what color socks are you wearing? -not wearing socks but the ones i had earlier were white (ankle length) 26. how many pillows do you sleep with? -just one but it sucks 27. do you have a job? what do you do? -NO BUT IM TRYING TO GET A JOB BUT THE FUCKIN PEOPLE THERE ARE GHOSTING ME AND WONT REPLY TO MY EMAILS SO LIKE SBJHBJS 28. how many friends do you have? -like 4 lmao 29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? -idk nothing super bad but i do a lot of small shit that makes me feel guilty when i realize what i did 30. whats your favorite candle scent? -juniper rosewood 31. 3 favorite boy names -leo, clay, charlie 32. 3 favorite girl names -ivy, uh... idk thats all ive got 33. favorite actor? -no clue 34. favorite actress? -no clue 35. who is your celebrity crush? -not a celeb but i’d smash danny phantom 36. favorite movie? -nightmare before christmas or edward scissorhands 37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? -no, but my fav book is probably the prince and the pauper? idk 38. money or brains? -CASH MONEYYYY jk probably brains but if your entire personality is being “smart” like fuck off lmao 39. do you have a nickname? what is it? - a bunch of people call me son (see #49, #100), some call me rat, dumdum, goth boy

40.how many times have you been to the hospital? -just once i think when i was birthed. i also went once with my brother cause he kicked some scissors i left out on the floor and it sliced his toe the fuck open and he needed stitches and i watched him get the stitches and almost passed out :/ 41. top 10 favorite songs -please dont make me do this i dont have it in me 42. do you take any medications daily? -yea i take 20mg of vyvanse but i need to get it raised to 30 cause 20 is Not Enough 43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) -i got some dry fuckin skin yall dont even know 44. what is your biggest fear? -it depends. the dark is a pretty constant one though 45. how many kids do you want? -like 2 or 3 eventually 46. whats your go to hair style? -in my face, looking stupid 47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) -it’s pretty small 48. who is your role model? -i dont fuckin know lmao 49. what was the last compliment you received? - “i belive in you, my son, you’re an amazing human being“ (same friend mentioned in #100, not actually a parent of mine) 50. what was the last text you sent? -”no it’s a raccoon“ YOU GET NO CONTEXT LMAO 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? -i dont think i ever hardcore believed in him, maybe i did though i remember sleeping under the tree one christmas eve waiting for him but i was like “oh yeah that makes sense“ i guess 52. what is your dream car? -i honestly dont give a shit as long as it actually fucking works 53. opinion on smoking? -cigarettes? fuck no that’s nastyyy. weed? that’s fine i guess but wait till you’re like 18. 54. do you go to college? -no. am sophomore n highschool 55. what is your dream job? -musician/palentologist 56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? -fuck the suburbs lmao, but also im tired of rural, so like.. semi urban?? 57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? -no but i take the little soaps >:)) 58. do you have freckles? -yes 59. do you smile for pictures? -awkwardly, yes 60. how many pictures do you have on your phone? -dont have a phone but i have like 12 on my computer currently. 4 are of me, the rest are of my cat or random shit 61. have you ever peed in the woods? -yes 62. do you still watch cartoons? -cartoons these days kinda suck but like if they were good fuck yeah i would like gravity falls can come hang yknow? 63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? -i had nuggets from mcdonalds today so i guess them? i dont really care 64. Favorite dipping sauce? -i got sweet and sour but i dont like it that much. that schezuan sauce was great 65. what do you wear to bed? -wouldnt you like to know? ;)) 66. have you ever won a spelling bee? -NO ive only been in two. the first one i misspelled the word “turmoil“ cause i had never heard it before and the second one i spelled the word “owed“ as “ode“ cause i was thinking like ode to joy and then i felt like a big Fool afterwards :(( 67. what are your hobbies? -lol what hobbies 68. can you draw? -i am physically able to draw, but not well, no 69 (haha). do you play an instrument? -yeah i play a few 70. what was the last concert you saw? -i saw Chicago in either georgia or tennessee i cant remember in like 2016 71. tea or coffee? -hot coffee, iced tea. NOT the other way around. (i love both though) 72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? -starbucks 73. do you want to get married? -sure why not 74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? -dont have a crush 75. are you going to change your last name when you get married? -idk maybe 76. what color looks best on you? -i dont know but i wear black a lot and that’s pretty dope 77. do you miss anyone right now? -yeah 78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? -closed 79. do you believe in ghosts? -on the fence. not 100% “oh my god look at these gHoSt oRbS i need to sage my house!!!“ but i accept that there’s some things i wont understand about the world and that i have no answers to. i wouldnt be surprised if there are, and i wouldnt be surprised if there aren’t. 80. what is your biggest pet peeve? -whatever my adhd decides i viscerally hate with a firey passion right at that moment 81. last person you called -my brother (the 1 of the 1.5 from #13 and the one who sliced his toe in #40) 82. favorite ice cream flavor? -chocolate is dope 83. regular oreos or golden oreos? -regular double stuff. if you say golden, mint, peppermint, or thin oreos i’m gonna have to euthanize you, i dont make the rules. 84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? -rainbow cause it’s prettier 85. what shirt are you wearing? -queen shirt from hot topic 86. what is your phone background? -i didnt get a phone between question 60 and now but my computer one is some mountains with the moon in the background 87. are you outgoing or shy? -really depends on who i’m around 88. do you like it when people play with your hair? -YES FUCK AAAAAAA (this girl played with my hair literally once in middle school and i was like oh shit and i had a crush on her until the end of middle school true story,,, so ashley if you’re out there-) 89. do you like your neighbors? -to the left they’re fine and their dog is nice but idk what happened to the horses so that’s sus but that’s where our cat came from so they can hang guess, behind me they’re fine but their boys are loud, to the right they’re fine, and even further to the right are the dope neighbors and waaaaaaaaaay far to the right is a llama and he’s dope as hell 90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? -whenever the fuck i remember to/have the energy 91. have you ever been high? -i dont think so but i wouldnt put it past myself 92. have you ever been drunk? -not that i can remember, no 93. last thing you ate? -sloppy joe from a can 94. favorite lyrics right now -”not gonna waste my life, cause i’ve been fucked up“ 95. summer or winter? -fall. fuck you 96. day or night? -night but i like it when it’s actually night and it doesnt get dark at like 4 fucking pm cause that makes me depressed 97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? -dark is good, milk is fine, white is only suitable for fancy stripes on chocolate covered strawberries 98. favorite month? -i vibe with september 99. what is your zodiac sign -sagittarius (was almost a scorpio but i was holding out >:))) 100. who was the last person you cried in front of? -in person, my mom like 6 months ago, on a discord call, my friend (i love you by the way, you’re the best,,, i dont think he has tumblr but im just putting it out there) like a month or so ago. i hate crying in front of people, i turn into such a hyperventilating snot monster which is not suitable for human gaze and thats the real tea :/

felix this took like 2 hours of my life i will never get back i hate you and i hope you’re happy with what you’ve done <3 <3

also anyone who wants to stalk me, enjoy this information that im handing to you on a silver platter :)) <3

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saveyourheartforme · 4 years

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The Entire Folklore Storyline Pieced Together

so I’ve given it some thought and I think this is how the Folklore story comes together.

Disclaimers: obviously this is my interpretation I could be 100% wrong and am open to suggestions

also some fragments of this have come from twitter/instagram/other tumblr posts ive read over the past few days but I put the pieces together on my own (if this has been said already by someone else im so sorry and full credit to you but i havent read a full theory anywhere else yet <3)

our story starts with seven: betty is young and completely naive. the summer she is seven years old she meets Inez, who has an abusive father, hence the part

“And I've been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted Your dad is always mad and that must be why And I think you should come live with me And we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry”

they become incredibly close that summer because inez spends a ton of time at betty’s house to escape her father. they cease to be friends at some point after the end of this song due to the fact that they developed feelings for each other but were too scared to be public with a relationship (”hide in the closet” line). betty starts to date james in high school.

cardigan: we pretty much already know that this is betty’s POV of the love triangle situation and the heartbreak she feels about the breakup and being cheated on. however i have a theory that betty was in love with inez and james was there to fill that void she felt after losing her friendship with inez and hence the hope that it would become more. hear me out. references to “heels” and “black lipstick” which are associated more with girls. “playing hide of seek” seems childlike, which is a reference to the time betty and inez spent together in “seven”. finally, “when you are young they assume you know nothing” could reference the fact that adults often tell kids they’re too young to know their sexuality. the song is also about james though, the song in its entirety symbolizes how the people betty thinks she can trust the most and who love her the most (james, inez) both betray her. hence the mingled references to both james and inez

august: the POV of Inez. she develops stronger feelings for james than she intended. however she also has feelings for betty but never told her. the song is a double reference to the summers she would spend with betty when she was young and they were exploring their sexualities with one another and her being with james. i think that maybe she only got with james at first because she wanted to ruin his relationship with betty out of jealousy but fell for james accidentally in the process

betty: the POV of james, who has no idea about the history between inez and betty. the reason why betty doesn’t “believe a word [Inez] says” is because they have fractured trust after the end of their friendship. however inez feels guilty about betraying betty and tells her about her and james. james is trying to win her forgiveness in this song by showing up at a party betty is having at her house. betty tentatively forgives james but does not get back together with him and permanently terminates her friendship with inez. james is heartbroken that betty wont get back with him.

this is me trying: james continues to try and win betty over again. he starts drinking to make himself feel better and begins to do badly in school (”i got wasted like all my potential”). however he really puts in effort to get betty back

mirrorball: inez reflects on her life. living with her abusive father made her desperate to be loved/cared for. so she “change[s] everything about [her] to fit in” just so she can get that affection. essentially she becomes who she thinks people want her to be to get the love she never got from her father. betty and james were both people who she felt like she could be herself around (”you are not like the regulars”). at the end when she talks about performing to keep them looking at her it is about how she desperately wanted to keep them both. unfortunately she lost both of them

between songs betty decides to get back with james and they get married. they genuinely love each other. inez moves to st louis.

invisible string: the honeymoon phase of james and bettys relationship after marriage. they think they are meant to be together and everything that happened was meant to happen. also addresses how james and betty met when they were young (betty would read at the park and james worked across the street from the park in a yogurt shop and they would run into one another)

peace: their relationship hits a rough patch. their “coming of age has come and gone”. the honeymoon period is over. james says he “never had strength in his convictions as long as dangers near” meaning he has a hard time staying faithful. he does love her but makes a lot of mistakes (including talking shit with his friends about her) basically this song is a warning but solidifies that he loves her regardless of what happens

illicit affairs: james cheats again. also could be inez reflecting on her affair with james from a more mature lens now that shes older. she feels a lot of regret about it

mad woman: betty finds out about james cheating a second time and is obviously pissed. james tries to spin it so she forgives him but she’s done.

exile: same time as mad woman: talks about how they both feel loss at the end of their relationship

james marries the woman he cheated on betty with but he still loves betty and the marriage is short lived

hoax: betty is completely heartbroken over everything that has happened to her. she feels really alone and still wants to cling to the love james felt for her. she looks for signs and reasons to go back to him but finds none.

james joins the military after his second divorce with the woman he cheated with. betty moves to st louis (yes the city inez lives in)

the 1: betty heals from her past and becomes confident in herself again. the line “i thought i saw you at the bus stop i didn’t though is her seeing inez but thinking its impossible. she reflects on her past feelings for both james and inez. eventually her and inez run into each other and rekindle their friendship. they discuss their past together (” it wouldve been fun if you wouldve been the one”) they are happy being friends. they are each others “chosen family”

epiphany: james dies in battle while in the army, but thinks of betty for the rest of his life and regrets what happened

my tears ricochet: betty finds out about james’ death in combat and is completely heartbroken even though she thought she was over him (”if im dead to you why are you at the wake cursing my name wishing id stayed” = betty mourning him despite saying she didnt care anymore and wishing theyd stayed together). betty feels haunted by james now and regrets a lot that happened

the last great american dynasty: after this event betty needs a change. she begins to go by her full name (rebekah) and moves to rhode island. she meets the heir to standard oil and marries him. the marriage is loveless but they have fun together. he dies leaving her with a lot of money and holiday house. she is done living for other people and starts to do literally whatever tf she wants. one of the “bitch pack friends from the city” she brings in is inez. they were never romantic after their youth but their friendship is just as amazing and fulfilling.

feel free to leave comments saying what you agree/disagree with or to add stuff. i might just be crazy and reading into this wayyyyy to much tbh. regardless the album is incredible and im so grateful for it :)

#taylor swift #taylornation #folklore #@taylorswift #@taylornation

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vexedtonightmares · 5 years

Text

last dance (elu ballet au) chapter quinze

Lucas is in his final year at the Paris Opera Ballet School and he’ll be damned if he lets his former friend-turned-rival Eliott steal the lead role in their production of Swan Lake.

aka- lucas and eliott are rivals who are forced to room together for their final year of ballet school before they try to enter the company. we can all see where this is going.

i. ii. iii. iv. v. vi. vii. viii. ix. x. xi. xii. xiii. xiv. xv.

ao3

**tw: brief mentions of eating disorder, ocd, ptsd, anxiety, references to past sexual abuse, brief allusion to past suicidal ideation**

Samedi 11:24

“You’re cute.”

Lucas scrunched his nose up, shaking his head from where he was laying in bed, facing Eliott. When Eliott lifted his head to readjust the way he was lying down Lucas saw pillow creases on the side of his cheek, and it was adorable.

“You are. You’re so cute,” Eliott repeated, tapping Lucas on the nose. In all honesty, Lucas knew he was cute, objectively, but he’d keep refusing if it meant Eliott kept telling him so.

He grabbed one of Eliott’s hands and stretched their joined palms up to the ceiling before flopping them back down between the two of them, tracing small circles on the palm of Eliott’s hand. “I’m not,” he lied.

“You are.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Well, you should.”

“Hmmm…”

“Hmmm…” Eliott mimicked, screwing his face up in a way Lucas figured was supposed to match what Lucas had done prior.

Lucas laughed, ducking his head down. “Stop. Now you’re cute.”

“I wasn’t before?” Eliott gasped in faux offense. Lucas merely raised one eyebrow, looking away pointedly. Eliott gasped again, this time in indignation. “Rude!”

Before Lucas could do or say anything else, Eliott unwrapped his hand from Lucas’ and used it to pull him closer. It was nice until Eliott started to tickle him. Lucas cursed his past self for admitting how ticklish he was, because now Eliott could use that to his advantage.

“Eli! Eli! Stop ah—” Lucas laughed, breaths coming in short gasps as he tried and failed to squirm away. The light in Eliott’s eyes was almost blinding it burned so bright. Lucas knew it was a foolish wish, but he wished it could stay like that forever. Anytime Eliott had a smile on his face, Lucas felt like all was right in the world.

Eliott stopped tickling him abruptly and it was only then that Lucas realized they’d rolled so Eliott was hovering over him, pillow creases still apparent on his face and the sun streaming through the window framing him in a golden halo. Lucas’ heart stopped briefly when he realized that this was possibly the most beautiful Eliott had ever looked.

He lifted a hand and placed it on Eliott’s chest, fingers tracing idly over the ink tattooed there. “I’ve never asked, when did you get this?”

Eliott looked down at his own chest, as if he’d forgotten there was anything there. He paused before speaking. “Over the summer,” he said at last.

“Why?” Lucas asked, curious. He’d never really taken Eliott for a tattoo person, but he had to admit it did turn him on a little bit.

Eliott dropped his eyes, biting his lip nervously. “Um, I’d just gotten out of a really bad depression. An episode, I guess, is what it was. It was one I didn’t think I’d get out of…” he trailed off, and Lucas understood what he was saying without saying. The pain that exploded from his heart was unmatched, but he said nothing, waiting for Eliott to continue.

“But I did get out of it, mainly thanks to Idriss and Sofiane, and I got this as a reminder that life was worth it, I guess,” he finished, shrugging to the best of his ability, given his position propped up over Lucas.

“I think it’s beautiful,” Lucas said earnestly, “I think you’re beautiful.”

He was, he was so beautiful. And instead of denying it, Eliott simply closed the space between them, pressing a gentle but deeply intentioned kiss to Lucas’ lips. It wasn’t like they hadn’t kissed in a long time or anything, but the kiss sent every ounce of dopamine in Lucas’ brain rushing into his body.

“I’m so in love with you, you have no idea,” Lucas said breathlessly as they broke apart, running his fingers through Eliott’s hair. He felt such a love for Eliott that he couldn’t even put it into words. “You’ve ruined me, you know. You’ve made all my expectations for love way too high. You can never leave me, I don’t know how I’d manage.”

He said it like he was joking, but it was the truth. He’d found so much in Eliott that he didn’t even know existed, so much of himself and so much of the world. It was unthinkable that he’d ever lose it, but there was always that fear.

“I could never,” Eliott said seriously, brushing their noses together, “The person I am when I’m not with you is someone I never want to be again. I told you once but I’ll continue to tell you a million times: you’re it for me Lucas Lallemant. In this universe and in all the others you’ve dreamed up in your mind. They haven’t created a word big enough to express how much I love you.”

Lucas stroked down Eliott’s cheekbone, willing himself to not go all in so fast. Somehow the words Eliott had spoken were real, and Lucas could tell how much he meant them. It seemed crazy that he could be so happy when just a few days ago his world had tipped entirely on its axis, but somehow, he could be. And he wasn’t going to waste a moment of that happiness.

It was unclear which one of them dove back in for a kiss, or maybe they met halfway, but the only important thing was that they were kissing again. They were kissing, they were kissing, and Lucas was floating, was floating, and the light making its way through the window was working its way into Lucas’ heart and soul, heart and soul.

Lucas gripped Eliott tighter by the back of his neck, and Eliott pressed down further, connecting their bodies deeper and closer. Each kiss was like a song, one Lucas didn’t know the lyrics to yet, but he knew it would be one of his favorites once he did.

“Hey, Luc— WHAT THE FUCK—”

Eliott and Lucas broke apart in the blink of an eye, Lucas shoving Eliott off of him and almost off the bed so fast neither of them were really able to register it. Lucas blinked at the door, doing his best to look innocent, and probably doing a terrible job.

Yann stood in the doorway, mouth agape, eyebrows creased like he was trying to solve some sort of math equation that just didn’t add up. Lucas had sworn they’d locked the door to their suite… but no, he remembered, Eliott had gone out early in the morning to get them croissants from the bakery down the street to celebrate not getting kicked out. He probably hadn’t thought to lock the door when he got back, and Lucas had no reason to lock the door to his bedroom, or even close it for that matter.

“I can explain,” Lucas said, filling the tense, silent space in the air.

“You’d better,” Yann agreed incredulously, finally looking Lucas in the eye.

Eliott looked a bit like he was trying to shrink himself in size or hide under the covers, maybe both, and it was so cute it took all of Lucas’ restraint to not reach over and kiss him.

“Sooo…” he began, “I’m dating Eliott.”

Yann looked at him like yeah, no shit, which, fair. “How long has this been a thing?”

“Um… since that one party,” Lucas responded vaguely, not exactly wanting to reveal how long it had actually been. Unluckily for him, Yann knew exactly when he was talking about, given that it was the last party all of them had been at together.

“The one Alexia invited us to.” It wasn’t a question, but Lucas nodded anyway. Yann closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose between his eyes with his thumb and index finger. “What the fuck,” he repeated, which was appropriate.

“We just wanted to keep it a secret until the show was over, we didn’t want to cause any drama,” Lucas explained. He didn’t want Yann to feel bad or feel like Lucas thought he couldn’t trust him. He hadn’t even told Manon. Yes, Imane knew, but that was mostly because she happened to be there when he was having a mental breakdown.

Yann opened his eyes, dropping his hand. “Yet you did anyway,” he said with a frown.

That was also, unfortunately, true. When he really thought about it, it was a wonder no one else had put the pieces together, given what he and Eliott had both gone through over the past couple of weeks. Lucas shrugged, looking down to realize that from Yann’s perspective it probably looked like he was naked. He cringed slightly to himself, then looked over at Eliott.

“Can you, um, give us a minute?” Lucas asked softly, urgency in his eyes. Eliott thankfully understood right away and he nodded, plucking one of Lucas’ hoodies from the floor and throwing it on, even though it was a bit small. Thank god he was already wearing sweatpants.

The terse silence stayed latent in the air as Eliott, head down, skirted his way around Yann and closed the door behind him. Lucas almost laughed to himself as he heard Eliott’s footsteps break into a soft jog when he left the room.

“Can you—” Lucas began to ask, and Yann caught his drift, grabbing another discarded hoodie and tossing it to where Lucas was still partially hidden under the covers. He just had his boxers on, and he definitely did not need Yann to know that.

Yann sat on the edge of the bed, weariness in his eyes. “He’s not… making you do anything, right?”

“Oh, god, Yann, no! Of course not!” Lucas exclaimed immediately, not even knowing why Yann’s mind went there in the first place.

Yann raised his hands in surrender, widening his eyes. “I just had to make sure dude, I don’t know! You’re the one who’s been talking about how Eliott is the spawn of satan for like five years!”

“I don’t think I ever called him the spawn of satan,” Lucas argued back, which was probably the most unnecessary addition to the conversation.

“You know what I mean.” Lucas did know what he meant. It just made him feel so guilty to think about these days, even when Eliott had reassured him time and time again that there was no hard feelings. They’d both gone through a lot over the years they’d been apart emotionally, and they couldn’t blame each other for the things that had been said and done when it mostly just led to blaming themselves.

“We’ve… worked through it,” Lucas explained, figuring that was the best way to put it.

“All of it?” Yann asked, and Lucas nodded. He knew why Yann was so concerned, and he really did appreciate it. Not many people cared for him like that.

He couldn’t really look at Yann at the moment, so he laid back on his bed and stared up at the ceiling. “He makes me feel so whole, Yann. I didn’t know I could ever feel like this.”

Yann settled down beside him in the spot Eliott just vacated, joining him in gazing at the ceiling. “I believe that’s what our ancestors called ‘love’.”

Lucas nudged him gently, laughing to himself. “I’m aware of that, idiot. I’m so fucking in love.”

“Don’t punch me, but I honestly never thought I’d hear you say that,” Yann said, and Lucas finally turned to look at him.

“Really?”

Yann nodded. “I guess I just didn’t know if you’d ever love yourself enough to let someone else love you, or to realize you deserve that love. I hoped, sure, but I knew that could only do so much. Then, with what you told us about your eating disorder… I’m so sorry, Lucas. I’ve seen you in pain for so long that I let myself get desensitized to it. I shouldn’t have, and I’m going to have to carry that for the rest of my life, but I still did it, and I’m so glad you found someone who saw every part of you and loved and cared for you in the way you deserve.”

An errant tear slipped down Lucas’ cheek as he turned to face Yann fully. Yann was still looking at the ceiling, but Lucas spoke anyway. “Don’t blame yourself for anything Yann. I didn’t want anyone to see that I was struggling, or to call me out on any of my bullshit. Eliott didn’t listen to my silent pleas for normalcy because he’s as stubborn as I am, but you can’t let yourself regret what happened in the past or blame yourself for it, trust me. It doesn’t do anyone any good, least of all yourself.”

“I’m still sorry,” Yann said, finally turning his head, “Please just let me be sorry.”

“I forgive you,” Lucas said, because it was what Yann needed to hear. Lucas didn’t think Yann needed to be forgiven for anything, but he offered up his forgiveness as a stepping stone to not send either of them too far into a regretful spiral.

“He loves you too?” Yann asked seriously.

Lucas smiled, thinking about the way Eliott looked at him like he was more beautiful than any star in the sky. “He does.”

“Jesus, you sappy little shit,” Yann groaned shaking his head. “‘He does’, with that fucking smile? Who are you and what have you done with Lucas Lallemant?”

He knew Yann was joking, but he thought about it. He was different, but it was a good different, a kind of different that made him want to soar, not sink. “I’m Lucas Lallemant 2.0, I think. The new and improved version. I like me better now, although I guess I didn’t really like myself at all before.”

“Well Lucas Lallemant 2.0, I’m your best friend Yann Cazas. Don’t go forgetting that again, ok? I’m with you no matter what. I’m the person you call when you need to hide a body, and you’re the same to me,” Yann said, raising his eyebrows.

“As if I could ever forget you,” Lucas said, half joking half serious. “And thanks, really.”

“Another no homo bro hug?” Yann offered, and Lucas didn’t even have time to respond verbally before Yann sat up and pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him. Lucas returned the gesture, resting his head on Yann’s shoulder.

When they pulled away Yann twitched his lips, looking to the side. “Speaking of no homo bro hugs—”

“Yann are you coming out to me?” Lucas interrupted, pretending to be scandalized.

Yann rolled his eyes, shoving Lucas’ shoulder. “Shut up. What I was going to say was, you need to talk to Arthur.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” Lucas asked immediately, heart speeding up. Arthur had been acting a bit oddly… Lucas really hoped nothing was wrong.

“Calm down, nothing’s wrong,” Yann continued, reading his mind, “I just think you guys should have an actual heart to heart.”

“You’re scaring me a bit Yann…”

“I swear!” Yann raised his arms again. “He just filled me in on the things going on in his life, and I figured you’d want to know too, but not from me.”

“Ok…” Lucas was still wary, he could sense Yann wasn’t telling him something, but he’d just have to accept it for now. He really should have a talk with Arthur anyway, even just to fill him in on everything going on in his life as well. “Ok,” he repeated, “I’ll talk to him this week.”

Yann nodded, then scooted off the bed. “Tell your lover he can stop hiding in his room now, but if he ever hurts you I will break his spine.”

“Noted,” Lucas said, smiling. Then, “By the way, how’s it going with Chloé?”

Yann laughed as if he couldn’t help himself. “Ha. That. Yeah, um, it’s not really ‘going’ so to speak anymore.”

Lucas lifted the water from his bedside table in mock salute. “I expected nothing less.”

“Shut up, Lallemant, you’re still on thin ice for not telling me you’ve been a part of some enemies to lovers fanfiction for weeks now.” Yann pointed at him, narrowing his eyes.

“Enemies to lovers fan— Are you serious right now?” Lucas laughed, doubling over.

Yann simply turned towards the door, calling over his shoulder. “You don’t know what I do in my free time. Although, come to think of it, which one of you would be Harry and which one would be Draco?”

“Yann!”

“Ok, ok, leaving for real now. Let me know when you decide, though, this is important data,” Yann yelled, making his way through their living room and out the door. Lucas flopped back down shaking his head fondly. Harry and Draco… Yann was something else, he really was.

Lucas was so out of it he didn’t even register when Eliott walked back into the room until he said, “Well, obviously, I’m Harry.”

“What? Are you kidding?” Lucas scoffed as Eliott settled back down beside him. “How am I Draco?”

Eliott shrugged. “You were the mean one.”

Lucas rolled his eyes. Fine, if that was how they were going to play it. “You were the one who pined from afar for years.”

“They both did that,” Eliott argued.

“Well you— and Draco— were the ones aware that they were pining.”

And so they went on like this, debating back and forth, hands twisting together idly, legs brushing not so accidentally, hearts filled to the brim with adoration, as was normal these days. It was a peaceful morning that led into a peaceful afternoon that led into a peaceful night and it was wonderful. Every minute of it.

Dimanche 19:07

Lucas was fully drained, mentally and emotionally. He’d spent the last seven hours with a clinical psychologist, working through what was going on and getting properly diagnosed, and now he was even more exhausted than after a full day of rehearsals. It had taken a while for him to feel comfortable, but once he began to open up, the words wouldn’t stop flowing and flowing until he’d practically told his entire life story. It was a lot, and all he wanted right now were cuddles from Eliott.

The moment he opened the door, he was greeted by Eliott’s grinning face standing behind the counter chopping something up. “Hey, Lu. I’m making dinner.”

Lucas appreciated that he didn’t ask how the session had gone. Lucas would tell him, but he needed a moment to process things on his own first. He made his way over to the counter, sitting at one of the stools and peeking at what Eliott was doing. “What are you making?”

Eliott’s face flushed bright red. “It’s a surprise?”

“A surprise?”

Eliott beckoned Lucas closer with his hand, waiting to speak until they were inches apart. “I have no idea what I’m doing,” Eliott whispered.

“Do you want help?” Lucas whispered back, stifling a giggle.

“No,” Eliott scoffed in mock indignation, pulling away. “Who knows, maybe this will be the best meal we’ve ever eaten. Maybe I’ll become a world famous chef, the new Remy.”

“Remy?” Lucas clarified.

“Yeah, the rat from Ratatouille.”

Lucas laughed. “Oh, I just thought his name was Ratatouille.”

This apparently, was the wrong thing to say, because Eliott dropped everything he was doing and stared at Lucas, mouth agape. Once he regained his composure, he sighed. “We have to break up.”

Lucas choked on a laugh, taken aback. “Excuse me?”

“You don’t respect the cinematic excellence that is Ratatouille enough to even remember the main character’s name. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.” He shooed Lucas with his hands, turning away dramatically. “Begone, thot!”

And, well, Lucas had never expected to hear those words from Eliott, so he did what any sensible person would do. He laughed so hard he quite literally fell from his chair.

“Shit!” he exclaimed, catching himself before he could really embarrass himself. Eliott ran to the opposite side of the counter, alarm in his eyes.

“Oh my god are you ok? I’m so so sorry, Lu, I’m so— are you laughing?” Eliott rambled upon seeing Lucas shaking on the ground. Lucas lifted his head and revealed not tears of pain, but tears of laughter. Eliott sank down onto the floor beside him, dropping his face into his hands, but his smile was unmistakable.

“Begone— thot—” Lucas gasped between laughs, wiping his eyes.

Eliott finally surrendered to his own laughter, shaking his head. “I don’t even know where that came from.”

It took a few more minutes for Lucas to finally catch his breath, but once he did, he clasped one of Eliott’s hands between both of his. “Thank you,” he said, radiating with warmth.

“I called you a thot,” Eliott reiterated.

Lucas nudged him with his shoulder. “That’s not what I’m talking about, dummy. Thank you for being you, for making me laugh after the day I just had.”

“Are we talking about it?” Eliott asked, and Lucas wondered the same thing himself. He kind of just wanted to get it all off his chest, even if a small part of him was screaming to hold it all in until he exploded.

Lucas settled on a nod, leaning back against the counter and pulling his knees up to his chest. Eliott did the same, the two of them sitting side by side and not looking at each other. It was easier saying these things when he didn’t have to look for every single reaction in Eliott’s expressive eyes.

“So, I guess I officially have an eating disorder,” Lucas began. He felt his heart start to beat a tad more rapidly and took a few deep breaths to steady himself. Eliott didn’t say anything, just listened, still holding his hand.

“Anorexia nervosa, technically,” he continued, biting his lip. “I, um, also apparently have generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and deeply rooted emotional and physical trauma which manifests itself as PTSD. And abandonment issues. I’m quite the catch, I know.”

Eliott squeezed his hand. “Hey. None of that makes you less of a person, ok? Now that you know what to call it, you’ll have a better time learning how to push through it in a healthy way, right?”

“Yeah,” Lucas said in a small voice, focusing on a loose thread on his pants.

“Do you have to take any medications?” Eliott asked conversationally, as if they were talking about the weather.

Lucas nodded again. “They think that would be best, particularly for the OCD, mostly because I can’t go to therapy as often as they’d like given rehearsal schedules.”

“Hey that’s great!” Eliott exclaimed, and Lucas finally looked at him, confusion creasing his brows. “I have to take medication too, for, you know… now we can take them together or something. Help each other out. Obviously it won’t be easy for either of us, but I’m willing to try if you are.”

“That would be nice,” Lucas said, resting his head on Eliott’s shoulder. It most definitely would not be all rainbows and butterflies, and may be a source of argument from time to time, but Lucas thought it was what both of them needed at the moment to help them adjust to the changes in their lives.

“Minute by minute, baby,” Eliott said, leaning his head on top of Lucas’.

“Please don’t call me baby,” Lucas said, scrunching up his face even though he knew Eliott couldn’t see it. Had he told Eliott about his dislike of pet names yet or was this going to have to be a new conversation?

“Whatever you say, baby.”

“Eliott I swear—”

But he didn’t finish, and Eliott didn’t have time to answer, because a loud beeping noise interrupted both of their trains of thought. Their heads shot up, then their bodies when they realized the beeping was the smoke detector.

“You were making food,” Lucas remembered and Eliott nodded solemnly.

“I was making food.”

“Shit.”

They both went to work, waving away the smoke and turning off the stove, putting whatever Eliott’s concoction had been into the sink. Eliott was jumping up and down waving a dish towel to dissipate the smoke, and the sight was enough for Lucas’ panic to leave him and for laughter to take over once again. Eliott glared at him like Is now really the time?, but the corner of his mouth twitched nonetheless.

Lucas heard voices outside their door and looked through the peephole to see people walking past, muttering in confusion. “Shit,” he repeated, “I think we’re supposed to evacuate.”

“Even if we’re the source of the problem?” Eliott asked, still waving his dish towel.

“Especially if we’re the source of the problem, I think,” Lucas replied, reaching for the hoodie he’d strewn across the couch earlier. Actually, it was Eliott’s hoodie, but Lucas claimed it, so now it was his (at least until it stopped smelling like Eliott).

Eliott reluctantly put down the towel and followed Lucas out of the room, leaving the door ajar so the smoke had more room to escape. They found themselves caught in the throng of ballet students and grabbed each other’s hands instinctively, not remembering that what they had was supposed to be a secret. It didn’t matter anyway, no one was paying attention to them.

At least, they weren’t until Lucas and Eliott caught each other’s eyes over some of the younger student’s heads. Their lips wobbled, and Lucas bit the inside of his cheek, but it was useless. They broke back down into laughter, because of course they’d almost started a fire while they were having a deep and important conversation. And of course they’d had a deep and important conversation right after Eliott had called him a thot.

Once outside, Eliott and Lucas were still nearly pissing themselves laughing, not paying the slightest bit of attention to anyone or anything around them. They couldn’t stop, and everyone was looking at them like they were insane, though that could have partly been because it was Eliott and Lucas laughing together. No one had seen that since they were ten years old.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Emma asked, catching their attention. Right, other people existed.

“We may have set off the fire alarm,” Eliott explained biting his lip to try to stop his laughter. Lucas wasn’t quite there yet.

“We?” Daphné cut in, looking between the two of them utterly confused. Lucas caught Imane’s eye as he regained his composure, the knowing look, and he tried not to draw attention to it.

Sofiane caught the look though, probably because he was always looking at Imane, and his jaw dropped. “Wait a minute.”

Eliott looked at Sofiane in confusion, not having caught the exchange that had just gone down. Sofiane closed his mouth, then opened it, then closed it again. “Am I dreaming?” he asked finally.

“No,” Imane said, and Lucas glared at her.

He nearly groaned aloud when Manon came over to join all of them, along with Arthur, Ingrid, and Chloé. “What’s going on?” she asked warily, looking at Daphné for some sort of explanation. Daphné merely shrugged, eyes wide as she tried to figure out what was going on.

Ingrid looked at Manon and Daphné, then up at Lucas and Eliott. “They’re fucking,” she said simply, and practically every single person within earshot went wild.

“Funny joke—”

“Woah…”

“I knew it.”

“Lucas and Eliott? Never.”

“Finally.”

Lucas looked from person to person, mouth agape. Eliott looked a bit uncomfortable, kind of like he wanted to disappear, and Lucas went into defense mode. He glared at Ingrid, folding his arms across one another. “Really?”

She shrugged. “What? I share a wall with one of you, and you’re loud as fuck.”

Lucas didn’t think they were that loud, and besides, they’d only ‘fucked’ the way she was insinuating for the first time after their dance in the theatre. Sure, they’d probably done a few other… loud… activities, but it wasn’t like it was every night.

“That doesn’t mean it was Lucas and Eliott, though,” Daphné said, “It could have been one of them with someone else.”

“Well that would be super awkward, considering the two people in question were moaning the names ‘Eliott’ and ‘Lucas’,” Ingrid said matter of factly, and Lucas decided right then that he was going to kill her.

“But they hate each other,” Daphné said, looking to Manon for assistance. She wasn’t paying attention though, too focused on Lucas, on trying to read his face. He saw the moment she read all she needed to and was forced to accept the reality that Ingrid was telling the truth. Her jaw didn’t drop quite as Sofiane’s had, but it was enough that Daphné and Emma both gasped.

Yann winked at Lucas across the group of people, which was entirely unhelpful, but he supposed he had gotten himself into this situation in the first place. “We’re not fucking,” Lucas said adamantly.

Eliott met his eyes, raising his eyebrows in an equally unhelpful fashion, and Lucas sighed. “We’re not just fucking,” he amended, covering his face with his hands to avoid eye contact with anyone and everyone. He felt an arm slip around his shoulders and knew it was Eliott’s without having to look.

“We’re dating,” Eliott said simply, and if everyone’s reactions had been wild before, they were nothing compared to what they were now.

Manon’s face told him that she was going to chew him out for not telling her later, but also that she was happy for him if he was happy, and he appreciated it. He did feel bad for not telling her for so long.

Just as their friends began to ask questions, the director emerged, yelling to all the students. “This was a false fire alarm, you can all go back inside and about your business, we’ll have someone come in tomorrow morning to look into any faulty wires that could have tripped the alarm accidentally. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

His face said otherwise, but then again, he always looked like he’d just stepped in shit. At least no one had found out that Lucas and Eliott were the source of this trouble, especially given all the other trouble they’d caused recently.

Before their friends could even think to ask more questions or even focus their attention back on Eliott and Lucas, Eliott grabbed Lucas’ hand and took off with him back into the building, laughing all the while.

The charred remains of their dinner still sat in the sink, so they grabbed leftovers from the fridge before locking their door— and triple checking that it was actually locked— and resuming their positions leaned up against the counter on the floor.

They could explain everything in the morning.

Lundi 12:12

Surprisingly, most people had come to terms with Eliott and Lucas being a thing by the time classes started that morning. Maybe more of them had seen it coming than they were willing to admit, or maybe they were just waiting to ambush them until after class. Whatever the case, it gave Lucas opportunity to pull Arthur aside at the beginning of class to ask if he wanted to have lunch, just the two of them. He’d agreed, and now Lucas sat waiting at the cafe down the street, frowning at the time. Arthur wasn’t going to bail on him, was he?

But no, almost fifteen minutes past noon, Arthur strolled in, casual smile on his face. Lucas could tell it was forced, but he didn’t comment on it. He knew Arthur had been going through a lot lately.

“Hey Lulu,” Arthur said as he sat down, and Lucas found himself grinning at the nickname. Arthur was really the only person he ever let get away with calling him that. “What did you, um, want to talk about?” Arthur added, almost nervously.

Lucas didn’t really have an answer, because technically Yann was the one who told him to talk to Arthur. “I just wanted to check in, I guess. Make sure everything’s alright with you.”

“Oh.” The tension in Arthur’s shoulders deflated. “This is about what I told you and Yann last week?”

Lucas shrugged. “Kind of, I guess. We don’t have to talk about it, but I’m here if you want to.”

Arthur seemed to weigh this, folding his hands and unfolding them so many times it almost made Lucas dizzy. It was odd, Arthur was never usually nervous like this, especially not around Lucas. “Well. I’m getting emancipated, obviously. I don’t think you’ve ever met my mom but she’s— she’s something. It was never really about her, but she never did anything, either, so I guess it was about her, in a way.”

“I’m sorry, I just don’t understand,” Lucas said apologetically. He knew Arthur liked to speak vaguely, didn’t like to get too personal, but if they were having this conversation, Lucas needed to be able to follow it.

“Right. Sorry. Um, you know my mom was a ballerina, famous and whatever, that’s why I started ballet. When I was five she hired this special instructor, apparently she was really well known in the ballet world, I don’t know, I was five, but she also… got a little too involved in our rehearsals. I didn’t really even know what was happening, I was too young, so I didn’t say anything. I thought that’s what ballet teachers did. But then I got older, and she stayed under my mother’s employ, and I started to realize the things we did, that she was doing with me, they weren’t, like, normal, or right. That’s when I told my mom about it, but she didn’t believe me. She said I just wanted an excuse to slack off rehearsing. That was when I was twelve, and she was my mom, so I accepted her word and continued doing what I’d been doing my whole life.

“Then when I was fourteen it got… different. My instructor, she— let’s just say some things changed for the worse. At that point I couldn’t blow it off or pretend it wasn’t happening anymore. I hated her, I hated my mom, I hated myself most of all, so I stopped giving a shit. I blew off rehearsals all the time, a habit that I kept up here at school, even though this place was heaven compared to being at home, I started smoking weed a lot, I hooked up with a lot of people I probably shouldn’t have. People who thought I was older than I was, who were much older themselves, because I guess a masochistic part of me was used to it. Eliott, actually, was the only one who noticed. It’s no one’s fault for not noticing what I didn’t want them to notice, but when Eliott did notice, I finally let myself break.”

Arthur shut his eyes and clenched his fists on the table. Lucas realized he’d simply been staring open mouthed and schooled his expression into something more neutral. He and Arthur were more alike than they’d realized, apparently, and Eliott continued to be one of the greatest humans to ever grace the earth.

When Arthur opened his eyes, Lucas pretended not to notice the tears he was blinking away. “Obviously,” he continued, “Some old habits die hard. I still do things I shouldn't. I go out until dawn when I know I have rehearsals at eight, I don’t apply myself in class like I know I can because I don’t want personalized attention, I have unhealthy habits when it comes to relationships, but I tried to start over in little ways. I filed for emancipation at the beginning of last school year with Elliot’s help and I stayed with Alexia last summer, so that’s why we’re closer than we used to be. She was another lifesaver. No one of any importance believed me when I told them about what my instructor did, but at least they believed me when I told them that my mother was emotionally abusive and incredibly manipulative, and she put me into dangerous situations without care or conscience. She still tries to contact me sometimes, and I really don’t want to have to get a restraining order, but I found out that she and my old instructor apparently have been in a relationship for quite a few years and they never told me about it. I don’t even have the words to say how fucked up that is.”

“Fuck, Arthur, I’m so sorry,” Lucas said, unable to keep it in any longer. He wasn’t sure if Arthur was done or not, but he’d paused, and Lucas had used that as an opening.

Arthur just shrugged noncommittally. “You have nothing to be sorry for. That's life.”

“No one deserves that kind of a life,” Lucas said, because that was what he’d learned recently himself.

“I could say the same to you,” Arthur responded, and Lucas smiled sadly.

“I know, that’s why I’m telling you.” Arthur said nothing to that, just continued to look down at his hands. “Um, would it be ok if I gave you a hug?” Lucas asked, because in his opinion hugs made everything better.

Arthur’s head shot up and he shook his head fervently. “No, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

Ouch, but ok. Maybe this was about Eliott? They hadn’t talked about that yet, just the two of them, maybe Arthur thought Eliott was the super jealous type or something. “Eliott won’t mind if I give one of my best friends a hug,” Lucas said slowly, and Arthur flushed bright red.

“That’s not what I meant, um, I just actually have something else I need to talk about with you.” Arthur’s hands were fidgeting again. “I… um, simply put, I think I’m in love with you?”

Lucas blinked, certain he’d misheard. There was no way… he and Arthur had always had this intimate dynamic together, but it was always platonic. That was his understanding of it at least.

“What?” he asked intelligently.

Arthur rubbed his eyes under his glasses, sighing deeply. “I’m kind of in love with you which is why I’ve kind of been avoiding you lately.”

“How long?” What the fuck else was he supposed to ask? To say? It was strange to think that if he and Eliott hadn’t gotten over their shit he might be with Arthur right now.

Arthur shrugged. “Around the time we went to that party Alexia invited us to. We were talking about getting married, and I was drunk, and I just had a fleeting feeling of wanting to kiss you. Then I realized the feeling wasn’t fleeting, and then I panicked.”

“Did you know I was with Eliott?”

“No.” Arthur shook his head. “I was as surprised as everyone else last night.”

“Then why didn’t you ever say anything? Why say something now?” Lucas asked, genuinely.

Arthur smirked, but there was no humor to it. “Because I can handle you rejecting me if you’re in love with someone else, but I don’t think I could have handled you rejecting me because you simply didn’t feel the same way.”

“I’m sorry,” Lucas said, because he didn’t want Arthur to feel like shit because Lucas didn’t love him like that.

Arthur looked away. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault, we don’t choose who we fall in love with. I’ll get over it, trust me. In the meantime I understand if you don’t want to be around me or whatever.”

Lucas scoffed, bringing Arthur’s gaze back to his. “Are you serious? Do you really think I would ever not want to be around you? Sure, I’m not in love with you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you with all my heart. You’re one of my favorite people in the entire world.”

“Lucas you don’t have to say that—”

“I know,” Lucas cut him off, “I want to. Because I mean it.”

Arthur began to grin, then. It was small, it was slow, but it was there. “We should probably get out of here, classes start up soon.”

Lucas checked his phone for the time and realized Arthur was right. It felt like no time had passed at all, he’d been too wrapped up in their conversation. Lucas looked at Arthur as they made their way to the door, mulling over a question.

“So what about me, specifically, turns you on?” Lucas asked jokingly as the two of them walked out of the cafe together.

“Shut the fuck up Lallemant, I swear,” Arthur warned, but he was finally laughing.

“My striking looks? My dazzling personality?”

Arthur rolled his eyes, walking a few steps ahead of Lucas. “Your ass,” he said, breaking into a jog before Lucas could register his words. Lucas stood dumbstruck for a moment, then came back into himself.

“Wait a minute, my— Arthur get back here! Were you serious? Arthur!”

Mardi 20:43

For the first time in a long time, Eliott and Lucas were working on Polaris together. Well, more accurately, Eliott was working on Polaris and Lucas was trying to distract him by playing rap songs on the piano.

“Duuude,” Eliott whined, “I can’t focus!”

“Did you just call me dude?” Lucas clarified with a laugh. “Dude-zoned by my own boyfriend. I can’t believe it.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Make me.”

That was all it took for Eliott to drop his focus completely, on top of Lucas so quickly they nearly both fell off the piano bench for what wouldn’t be the first time. Eliott’s lips seared onto his, and Lucas tried and failed to hold back a moan as Eliott teased him, pulling away just enough that Lucas was struck by his absence. Eliott smiled at him, pulling him closer by the waist and sliding him across the bench so he ended up nearly on top of Eliott.

Lucas’ hands snaked around Eliott’s shoulders, a safe space (though Lucas would argue that everything about Eliott made him feel safe), a place for him to lose himself completely. Maybe it would have been frustrating that Eliott smiled into every kiss they shared causing their teeth to clang together if it wasn’t so endearing.

Eliott almost always had his hands on Lucas’ face when they kissed, like holding Lucas was the most important thing in the world. Lucas liked it, he liked it a lot. The security it brought and the way the heat of Eliott’s hands matched the heat on his face were a deadly combination, and Lucas reveled in it.

Nothing compared to the taste of Eliott, though. Granted, Lucas hadn’t kissed many people in his life, but Eliott’s taste was better than all of them combined, and then some. Sometimes Lucas wondered how he compared to Lucille, in Eliott’s eyes, but he would never ask. It didn’t matter if Eliott had loved Lucille’s taste as much as he loved Eliott’s, it was the two of them until the end of time now and no one would ever get in the way of it.

Through a series of events Lucas had little to no recollection of, too caught up in the heat of the moment, of Eliott, they ended up on the floor, heads aligned and their bodies pointing in opposite directions, gazing up at the fluorescent studio lights. Lucas was still breathing a bit heavily, unable to wipe the soft smile from his face. It was a comfortable silence, the kind that you can only share with a person you love deeply.

“You know, we never had our Elu Two-Man Swan Lake World Tour,” Eliott said, breaking that silence and turning his head to face Lucas.

“Shit, that’s right,” Lucas said, as if he’d ever forgotten about it. A stupid part of him had always hoped they’d be able to get over themselves by the time they were seventeen and make good on their childhood plans. Another thought occurred to him. “Oh, fuck you, you get to be Siegfried again.”

“You wanted to do the fouettes!” Eliott reminded him, and Lucas turned his head to face him as well.

“I’ve always wanted to dance with a Prince,” he conceded with a small shrug. In truth, he thought it might be a bit entertaining to play Odette in their mini reproduction of the show, mostly because he and Eliott would have to do a series of lifts and partnering that would probably have been impossible, roles reversed. Not that Lucas would ever admit that to Eliott.

“Saturday?” Eliott suggested. “We could invite our friends, now that none of this is a secret. Are they our friends now, or do your friends still have to pretend to hate me?”

Lucas cracked a smile, leaning over to shut Eliott up with a small peck on the lips. “Shut up.”

“Make me.”

Well, Lucas thought, challenge accepted.

Jeudi 18:45

Lucas and Eliott had just finished dinner when Manon texted and left Lucas in a state of utter confusion.

Manon: Lucas Lallemant if you don’t get your ass over to room 412 in two minutes I’ll never speak to you again

Lucas: ??? what the fuck ???

Manon: 120, 119, 118, 117, 116, 115…

Lucas: Yeesh I’m coming chill out bro

Manon: 114, 113, 112, 111, 110…

He shut his phone off before her countdown could fall any lower and begrudgingly removed himself from where he’d been tucked into Eliott’s side. Eliott whined and reached for him as he stood up, but Lucas just sighed and shook his head.

“I have to go to Manon’s room, for some reason,” he said, pouting.

“Do you want me to come with?” Eliott asked, but Lucas shook his head.

“No, she’s probably asking me to come because she’s mad I didn’t tell her about us,” he reasoned, leaning back over to run a hand through Eliott’s hair. Why was it always so soft, who allowed that?

Eliott hummed, leaning into his touch. “Don’t be gone too long, I miss you already.”

“Yeah, yeah, you big old sap,” Lucas teased, but his parting kiss said, I miss you too.

When Lucas knocked on Manon’s door she opened it with a stern expression. “You’re seventeen seconds late,” she said without preamble.

“Sorry?”

“Just come in,” she said, pulling him by the hand and shutting the door behind her.

Lucas shrank at the look in her eyes, wondering how much shit he’d have to hear about keeping his relationship a secret. She smacked him lightly on the shoulder, which was expected, and frowned. “You already know what I’m going to say.”

“I do,” he agreed, sitting on the couch. He didn’t know where Imane and Daphné were, maybe they were just hiding away in their rooms.

She sat beside him, raising her eyebrows for him to continue. “I’m sorry?” he tried, and she rolled her eyes.

He threw his hands up in exasperation. “I don’t know what to say! I am sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, we just didn’t want anyone to know.”

“Well, why not?” she asked, and he scoffed, because he was pretty sure she’d been doing the same thing.

“For the same reason I’m the only one who knows about you and Daphné,” he countered.

She furrowed her brows. “Everyone knows about Daphné and me.”

“What? Since when?”

“Well,” she thought about it, “Imane knows because she lives with us, I told Emma the day after I told you because I didn’t want her to feel like I didn’t trust her enough to tell her.” She paused to give him a pointed look. “Then we told everyone else two Saturdays ago, at the terminale brunch.”

The terminale brunch? Oh. Oh. That had been when he and Eliott had been at Eliott’s house. Now it made more sense as to why there was so much drama surrounding the absence. If they hadn’t had an event that morning, no one would have even known Lucas was gone, probably.

“I wasn’t at the terminale brunch,” he reminded her and she blinked, as if just realizing this.

“Oh, yeah.”

“Oh, yeah,” he repeated, and she shoved him.

Her face grew suspicious. “Where were you? You haven’t really told me anything in a long time, Lu.”

He felt guilty as he realized she was right. They hadn’t talked about anything serious since she’d told him about her and Daphné, and he certainly hadn’t volunteered up any information about his own struggle. Everyone knew that he and Eliott were splitting shows, but no one other than them knew why. Manon probably didn’t even know he’d almost been kicked out, he realized with a jolt.

So, he started talking, spilling everything that had happened since the beginning of the year that he’d kept her in the dark about. He tried not to look at her face while he spoke, not wanting to see any of the disappointment or pity that was surely etched there. After a while, she took his hand, but he didn’t stop talking, even when his voice wobbled and he tried to blink tears from his eyes.

It wasn’t all bad, though. Lucas heard her laugh when he told her about his first kiss with Eliott, and he couldn’t help but smile as well. He’d almost slipped up and revealed that he and Eliott had been hiding in a closet when she and Daphné had their first kiss, but he figured he could save that story for years down the road.

“That’s all, I suppose,” he finished, just after he told her about the Elu Two-Man Swan Lake World Tour. He was still too nervous to look her in the eyes, but it turned out he didn’t have to. She simply grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him into her, engulfing him in what might have been the world's tightest hug.

“Don’t ever go through something like that again without telling me,” she whispered, pressing her cheek to his shoulder.

He squeezed her even more tightly in response. “Yann said practically the same thing.”

“Good.” She pulled away, looking him in the eyes. “We’ll form a Lucas Lallemant defense brigade.”

“That’s entirely unnecessary.”

“You don’t get a say in this.”

“Mmmm… pretty sure I do—”

He was cut off by the door opening, and he and Manon both turned to see who it was. Lucas smiled as Imane walked in, eyes narrowed. “What’s going on here?” she asked, setting down her dance bag.

“We’re starting a Lucas Lallemant defense brigade,” Manon explained, and Lucas glared at her.

“We are not doing that,” he attempted to interject, but Imane wasn’t listening.

She sat down on the couch on the other side of Lucas. “Oh, thank god we’re making it official. I was all alone before.”

Manon raised her eyebrows. “Excuse me, but I’ve been manning the helm of the S.S. Lallemant longer than you.”

“Ladies, ladies, no need to fight over me,” Lucas said, mostly to get them off the topic of a Lucas Lallemant defense brigade. “Besides,” he continued, “Yann has both of you beat.”

Manon and Imane exchanged a glance, shrugging. “That’s fair,” Manon conceded, leaning her head back on his shoulder. Lucas and Manon both looked at Imane, beckoning her to join their cuddle.

“You know you want to,” Lucas said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Whatever would Eliott say?” Imane asked with a fake gasp.

Lucas grinned. “He’d just be jealous we had a group hug without him.”

Imane rolled her eyes, but she put her head on Lucas’ other shoulder. “I don’t think I’ll ever be used to you talking about him like you don’t want to set him on fire.”

“I never wanted to set Eliott on fire.” First Yann, now Imane. When had he ever said anything like that? He was fairly confident his hatred had remained subtle. Even if perhaps he did say anything of the sort, it’s not like he ever actually would have set Eliott on fire for christ’s sake. Eliott was a bit like fire himself, could a bit intimidating from afar but gets warmer and warmer the closer you get to him. He was also a radiant light shining in any kind of darkness.

“You should be used to it by now,” Lucas continued, drawing back from his own thoughts.

“It’s been less than a week, I’m nowhere near used to it yet either,” Manon laughed, and Lucas turned sharply, meeting Imane’s eyes.

She frowned, not seeing what he was trying to communicate. “Maybe for you…”

“Wait a minute.” Manon sat up. “Did you tell her before you told me?”

Lucas glared at Imane as she finally realized what he’d been trying to convey with his eyes. “In my defense I was having a panic attack,” he added, hoping Manon wouldn’t be too mad.

“Shush,” she cut him off, narrowing her eyes at Imane. Imane just stared back, which was one of the many things he loved about her. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Manon burst out laughing.

“What the fuck!” she gasped through her laughter.

“What the fuck?” Lucas mouthed to Imane, who just shrugged.

“I told Imane before you too,” Manon said at last, her giggles subsiding. “I just didn’t tell you that because I felt bad.”

Lucas gasped. “Et tu brute?”

“That doesn’t work in this context, no one else betrayed you,” Manon pointed out, “Not that either of us betrayed each other, I guess.” She sighed, resigned. “Looks like Imane is the leader of the LLDB then.”

“LLDB?”

“Lucas Lallemant Defense Brigade,” Imane filled in and Lucas groaned, leaning back onto the couch further.

“Forget I said anything!”

The two of them fell back with him, attacking him with more hugs. He felt so light, and he honestly hadn’t known it was possible to feel this light. As good as he felt with Eliott, there had been something missing, and it was honest and open communication with his best friends. Now that he and Yann, Arthur, Manon, and Imane were on the same page about everything, the colors in the world seemed much more saturated.

As the three of them sat there in one big pile Manon brushed a hand through his hair smiling up at him. “I know you’ve been through a lot, but you really look happy now, Lu, the kind of happy that comes from so deep inside that you can’t stop it.”

It was true. Eliott was the poetic one, he could have spun the feeling into a beautiful metaphor or a life changing quote, but Lucas preferred to keep it simple. He wasn’t healed, but he was healing, and he was happy.

Samedi 18:58

Their friends were absolutely ridiculous. Lucas had accidentally slipped and revealed his childhood plans turned reality to Manon the night before and she had, in turn, spilled them to everyone in their year. So now, their two man show was an actual show, and not an excuse for them to escape and make out for inordinate amounts of time. And now their whole year was in the audience with signs and cheers and cake for some reason.

“I don’t know all of Odette’s parts, what was I thinking?” Lucas was not so silently freaking out in the wings of their in house auditorium while Eliott watched him with amusement. Lucas stuck his tongue out at Eliott. “You’re not helping!”

“Did you just stick your tongue out at me?” Eliott asked, failing to conceal a laugh.

Lucas simply made a noise that resembled that of a dying cat. Eliott’s smile grew smaller as he walked over to Lucas, cupping his face in his hands. Lucas sank into the embrace immediately, placing his own hands over Eliott’s wrists.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Eliott said softly, melodically. “I’m perfectly fine with hiding in our room for the rest of the night. I would offer to make food, but we can just order something, I don’t want to burn the building down.”

Lucas took a deep breath and shook his head. “No. I want to do this, I just… it’s hard to let go of being perfect, even if we’re literally just making a mockery of Swan Lake.”

“Who said anything about making a mockery of it? I intend to be the most dazzling Prince you’ve ever seen!” Eliott said, grin encompassing his whole face.

“Eli, I’m serious. I know you’ll be amazing at whatever you do, but it’s hard for me to just… let go. This isn’t a role I’ve trained for, we’ve never actually partnered seriously together, and even though it’s just our friends out there, what if they don’t like it?” Voicing his insecurities was a new thing for him, but he was trying.

“Lu.” Lucas closed his eyes as Eliott leaned all the way in, connecting them further, everywhere but their lips. “You trust me, right?”

Lucas nodded, eyes still shut. He could hear Eliott’s comforting smile. “Good, because I promise you, we’ll both be so perfectly imperfect that it won’t even matter if we get any moves wrong. It’s you and me, now and forever. We may look like idiots, but who cares? What’s love without being idiots together? Besides, when else are we going to get to do this? This might be the last time we get to dance for fun, no expectations attached. Do you really want to miss out on that?”

Lucas didn’t. He wanted, more than anything, to dance for himself. He opened his eyes. “Ok. I’m ready.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Then let’s do this.”

Eliott separated them from one another, but not before stealing a kiss. Lucas’ face flushed with the feeling it brought as Eliott grabbed his hand and led him onto the stage.

The stage lights were so bright he could barely see his friends out in the crowd, but he could hear them, whooping and yelling and whistling. Against his wishes, it brought a smile to his face, and when the music started, he just let go.

***

Was he supposed to laugh through the entire performance of Swan Lake? Probably not, but he also wasn’t supposed to play the role of Odette, if that’s even what he was doing. And he also most definitely wasn’t supposed to pause after every partnering interaction to give his boyfriend a kiss, but he preferred this version of the show to the original.

Eliott had shouted out from the wings as Lucas did his thirty-two fouettes, executed to near perfection. He almost wished the director was in there just so he could rub his talent in his face. The finale came too soon, but with it came cheers from everyone in their year, and laughs as Eliott invited them all on stage and played a trap remix of the Swan Lake melody.

Yann came over and spun Lucas with one hand, Arthur with the other, Lucas and Arthur catching each other’s eyes with a knowing glint. Lucas winked, and Arthur rolled his eyes, but he smiled, and they embraced one another, laughing hard enough they couldn’t feel anything but joy.

“No homo,” Arthur whispered into his ear, and Lucas hugged him tighter, loving Arthur more than he could put into words.

Sofiane and Eliott were laughing with one another, Imane standing just out of the way, smiling as she gazed at them. Well, Sofiane, mostly. Lucas would be sure to give her shit for it later.

Daphné snaked behind him, pressing something into his hand and before disappearing with the raise of one eyebrow. He looked down and saw a can of blue silly string, something that immediately transported him back to being seven years old, running around Eliott’s backyard and spraying each other with wild glee.

Eliott’s eyes found him through the throng of people and they smiled, sharing this memory from across the room. Eliott shook his own can in challenge, and Lucas grinned wider, shaking his own can before releasing a long stream in Eliott’s direction.

Shrieks sounded from all over as everyone began spraying each other, using each other as shields, dancing as the silly string fell down onto them. So many colors mixed in the air and on the stage and everyone kept adding more and more until there was an entire rainbow surrounding everyone from all sides.

Lucas lost sight of Eliott and was about to go looking for him when yellow shot through his vision. He scoffed in outrage and turned to see Eliott grinning mischievously and holding his can in triumph. Well, that just wouldn’t do.

Lucas sprayed him back, running and following him around the stage, each of them nearly slipping and falling on the string spread about the stage. Eliott turned around at the last second, probably hoping for a surprise attack, and they both sprayed each other at the same time, yellow and blue meeting in the middle like either end of an eternal flame.

He probably looked like a disaster, he could feel all the silly string coating his body, his face, his hair, but Eliott didn’t seem to care. Eliott looked at him like Lucas was all he’d ever wanted. It was still surreal, to be looked at that way, but it was a look he loved, one that he hoped he reciprocated every time he looked Eliott’s way.

Lucas stepped closer to him slowly, and placed a hand on his cheek, silly string falling from his hair as Eliott leaned into his hand.

“I like yellow on you,” Eliott said, gesturing to where he’d sprayed his string all over Lucas.

“Thanks,” Lucas said, “But I think it suits you better than me.”

Eliott pulled back from Lucas’ hand, cocking his head. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

“Because, Eliott Demaury,” Lucas said, pulling Eliott’s face to his, lifting up on relevé to make their heights more level. “You are the sun in its purest form.”

Eliott’s answering smile just before he pulled Lucas into the world’s most colorful kiss proved just that. Eliott was a light that would never go out. They both were.

And they were happy.

#skam france #elu fic #elu ballet au #eliott demaury #lucas lallemant #eliott x lucas

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stilwaterskeeter · 5 years

Text

Rewriting Saints Row IV

Hi this is my absolute least favorite game of the series and I kind of hate it! But here I am regardless putting my time and efforts into making an entire post dedicated to what I like and (in my opinions) how to fix the parts I don’t like...

This is also written to match by SRTT post rather than the base canon for the games! Which literally changes nothing but Johnny is already known to be alive before this game, so yknow...

This is also a HUGE post whoops

And again, this is just for fun. Don’t like it? Don’t interact with it. I’m not forcing you to read this. That being said, I do like discussing this kind of stuff so I totally up if you wanna just talk about alternatives or how you think things would play out and stuff

Plot/Story Specific Changes:

President’s Cabinet:

Fuck Keith David! Get him out of here! Leave sir! Go back to your movies!

Johnny Gat is our new Vice President because we know regardless of his skill at the matter, The Boss would make him his VP

This also gives Ben King a lot more reason to hold it against The Boss that he isn’t the VP, because at least before Keith David was a likable actor and had his own skillset for the role. Now it’s Johnny fucking Gat who has all the diplomatic and political tact of a shoe

The Boss’ dream isn’t some stupid 50s sitcom, that was so dumb, hardehar 50s is so nice and polite my ass

I think shit like meeting Julius, the boat explosion, Dex’s attempt to kill them, Magarac Statue blowing up even if they tried to go there, Johnny bleeding out after the fight with Jyunichi, and probably much more are better suited pieces to a much larger much more intimidating and genuine nightmare sim that would have broken The Boss inevitably

All the times they almost died because they weren’t quick enough, all the times they just barely saved their friends? A lot scarier than “oh noes I cawn’t kiww anybodwy uwu” crap

Zinyak doesn't really destroy the Earth

First of all: I don’t think he’d waste so many potential assets over the folly of one idiot

Second of all: The man’s supposed to be like a genius of sorts? So I find it ridiculous that he doesn’t have the ability to hide the fact that Earth is Actually Totally Fine from an idiot like The Boss

Third of all: To avoid Kinzie being oh so smart and debunking Zinyak’s scheme- She’s absolutely distraught when the Earth blew up and surprisingly caught up in her emotions, a pretty new thing for her. So I think it’s plausible she would bee too caught up in the moment to do much and afterwards is too caught up trying to help The Boss find and rescue what they believe is the last hopes for humanity

Kinzie doesn’t save anyone before The Boss, she goes straight for The Boss and before trying to go to Earth, they rescue Johnny Gat

Kinzie was prepared prior to saving The Boss with a few locations already in mind that she found as she was looking for them

One of which obvs ended up being Johnny

Another of which is a Surprise Prison that will help us later

All she knows is that it’s definitely based from Stilwater in ye olden days (first game, not actually ye olden days lmao) so she was assuming it was definitely either The Boss or Johnny

(Spoiler it’s Lin)

Additionally: The sim we do activities and hang out in isn’t Steelport. It should have been Stilwater and you know it.

After the Earth is “destroyed” and The Boss needs to go back into the sim and start recruiting people, Johnny steps in a lot when discussing who to save next

Sorry Matt, your rescue is getting pushed back a little

Johnny’s very adamant about not saving Matt first, “We are not saving that little goth punk whatever kid before we save our girl and Pierce. I don’t give a fuck that you’re president, I’m impeaching you, we’re saving Shaundi next. Not Matt.”

Shaundi’s nightmare sim stays relatively the same, but maybe polish up the writing better

I like her nightmare and the angle, but the writing just felt very,,,awkward to me?

She was supposed to be hung up on feeling helpless and the fact that she felt that because she was always “the damsel” and in need of protection, that Johnny was gone

But the writing kind of just skimmed over that

Then they save Pierce because, yeah, they give him a lot of shit, but he’s one of Johnny and The Boss and Shaundi’s closest friends and Johnny’s already made it clear they’re not saving anyone else until they got both Shaundi and Pierce back

Then you have the 3 rescues that you pick the order for

Asha

Ben

Matt

Then comes the replacement for Johnny’s canon rescue; It’s Lin’s Rescue Now

Kinzie isn’t sure who it really could be because they already have The Boss and Johnny, and they’ve already identified which sim is Ben’s

She asks Pierce and Shaundi for help trying to identify the sim while Johnny and The Boss are fuckin around in the sim

Neither of them have a clue who it could be

But both of them recognize the invading gang members in the sim as Westside Rollerz members so they recommend asking Johnny and The Boss about it

Johnny and The Boss have a moment of “Holy fucking shit, there’s no way” “It couldn’t be her, could it?” all the while the rest of the crew is just like “Any day now, who couldn’t it be?”

Lin’s nightmare sim is the events following up to her kidnapping and then the moments before Zinyak got her when she was in the process of drowing

A street race where some shithead Roller sabotaged Lin’s car so she had to forfeit midrace and then some guys kidnap her

I was figuring you’d be racing to catch up to her and then the race ends for you when she has to pullover

And then a brief cutscene of her trying to fight of some Rollerz goons while The Boss is locked in their car and can’t get out no matter how hard they try to break the window or bust it open

Then a followup cutscene Lin and Sharp arguing about The Playa not arriving to her rescue

“It appears to me like your little friend won’t be joining us. Oh well, we’ll take care of them soon enough. For now, just you will have to do.”

“Could your head be any further up your ass? Get on with it already, I’m getting bored here.”

And a short line from The Boss like, “What an asshole, jokes on him I wasted that son of a bitch years ago. And I’m not leaving without Lin this time.”

The last part is a timed boss battle with Sharp

Kinzie’s trying to do her tech thing and find a workaround to save Lin from drowning while The Boss fends off Sharp and miscellaneous goons

After Lin’s rescued and Sharp is dead, she steals the gun from The Boss in a cutscene and empties it into Sharp

“I have been waiting too fucking long to do that.”

There’s a brief reunion scene between her and The Boss

“Man, you don’t know how glad I am to see you.”

“Oh. My. God. You can fucking talk, that’s almost as crazy as the fact I’ve been living in this hellhole for years....You look good, did you do something to your hair?”

“You have no idea, Lin. You’ve missed a lot.”

“Nothing we can’t talk about over a beer after we get out of here. Speaking of, you got a plan for that or-?”

Kinzie chimes in, “I do.”

Kinzie isn’t the one who defends Matt when he says the mission is a bad idea because that was dumb and out of character, agree with him maybe, but not defend him

Instead of Keith’s betrayal/loyalty mission/whatever; We get Lin going into the simulation on her own to try and save Donnie after having Matt find his sim for her when The Boss pushes off saving Donnie as something to do later since Donnie’s not exactly useful in a mission like saving the universe and destroying Zinyak

“How do you even know he’s not dead? What makes you think Zinyak even abducted him?”

“Because I know he’s still alive, and Matt found him.”

“Look, we’ll take care of this after we end Zinyak. There’s no cars for him to rig or information to leak to us with these guys.”

“There’s gotta be a fucking reason he got abducted, playa. He’s worth saving.”

Johnny chimes in, “We’re not saving your stupid boyfriend right now, Lin. We have bigger fucking problems to deal with.”

It just progresses into a whole fight and the others are kind of just like....”Holy shit....there’s three of them now.” until Ben King steps in and tells them to all shut the fuck up

“Listen, Lin. We’re going to get your boy, but we aren’t doing it now. It’ll be the first thing after we kick Zinyak’s ass.”

The Boss chimes in, “Who said anything about the f-”

“I said...it’ll be the first thing we do, got it?”

Donnie’s nightmare sim is The Boss attacking his garage but Lin never shows up and instead he gets “killed” and then it’s The Boss harassing him and attacking him to get him to rig the Brotherhood vehicles and for the location of Carlos and Maero threatening him and ultimately “killing” him as well and then repeat

Bet The Boss kind of feels a little bad about always picking on him now, huh

Lin is at least, she feels guilty about setting up the raid on Donnie’s garage in SR1 and then just feels really pissed off about The Boss going after him more in SR2

Eventually The Boss shows up to help and with some hacking skills(TM) is given their superpowers and Lin is given powers as well to save Donnie

Obviously he can’t believe Lin is fucking ALIVE let alone just SAVED his ass

“Y-You’re alive? But Mr.Sharp killed you! A-And I let him! They found your body in the river and-....where the hell have you been for so long?”

“Listen, Donnie, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Are you sure? Because Earth got invaded by aliens and I’ve been dying repeatedly everyday since.”

“Shit, yeah. That son of a bitch, Zinyak, saved my ass from drowning back in Stilwater. This asshole over her saved me from that.”

“I bet their to blame for all this! It’s always their fault! Ultor, STAG, Gangstas in Space, Cyrus Temple, they’re the fucking president now can you believe that?”

The Boss chimes in, “I’m standing right fucking here! And for your information, I happen to be an excellent president!”

“Now’s really not the time, playa.”

And also that The Boss also SAVED him

“I thought you fucking hated me, I can’t believe you just did that.”

“Yeah, well, don’t get your panties in a twist, I’m only here for Lin.”

“Oh.”

Okay I lied, Zinyak DOES destroy the Earth for realsies

But only towards the end of the game, like following up to the boss battle

He reveals like

“Oh, it seems you haven’t learned your lesson then. I suppose I’ll have to really blow up your pitiful little planet then? Such a shame really, humanity could have been quite useful to the Zin Empire, but one must cut’s one’s losses sometimes. Their certainly not worth the trouble your putting me through here.”

This gives him time however to have abducted more people, including like Oleg, Viola, Donnie, etc etc etc

Fuck the Enter the Dominatrix DLC

Yeah it’s funny and all but like, where’s something actually interesting and additional to the game?

Replace it with DLC where you rescue like Viola and Oleg and stuff instead

Viola’s nightmare obviously would have to do with being stuck working for Killbane and probably have a boss battle where you fight simbane after he tries to kill Viola as well after having killed her sister

Oleg has a few options I think but the most appealing idea to me is a nightmare about him trying (and failing repeatedly) to escape the KGB

Character Specific Changes:

There really isn’t much to be put here shockingly

Maybe I’m the only one who thinks this but I think they should have expanded on the jokey romances more

I’m not talkin’ like full on bioware romances, just yknow maybe a little more than a single repeatable scene that varies from being shockingly indepth (Johnny) to just a fucking joke (Kinzie)

Maybe like add in a decision for a difference between just like casual sex or an actual romance with the characters

If you pick an actual romance then there’s random little banter lines about it when you have homies and maybe a few lines in some cutscenes or smth, nothing huge

Like say, you have Pierce and Shaundi as homies with you:

Romance Shaundi:

P: It’s about damn time someone did something

S: What are you talking about?

P: Uh, you and The Boss? Duh

S: Oh my god, shut up

P: Took ya’ long enough...y'all only been eye fucking each other as long as I can remember

S: Shut up, Pierce!

P: Chill! I’m happy for you, girl! Don’t attack me!

Romance Pierce:

S: So...you and The Boss, huh?

P: I already don’t like where this is going

S: I’m just surprised is all, you’ve been into them since like day one

P: No. I haven’t.

S: [snorts] Yeah, right. You used to get so upset when-

P: Shut up! They’re standing right there!

Or uh Pierce and Johnny:

Romance Pierce:

J: Hey, man, I’m proud of you for finally tellin’ The Boss how you feel

P: Wh- I didn’t- I’m not the one who-

J: But if you ever even think about hurting them [cocks gun] I won’t hesitate to put a cap in your ass

P: Man, calm down. I ain’t gonna do shit, jesus

J: [laughs] I’m just messin’ with you, Pierce. I’m not gonna shoot you.....Unless...

P: This is why I don’t tell you things, Gat! What the hell, man?!

Romance Johnny:

P: I can’t believe you and The Boss weren’t already fucking

J: Me neither

P: Didn’t you ever...yknow...like wonder? You never even thought about it?

J: Oh, no. I thought about it plenty. I wasn’t about to be the one to say somethin’ though

P: Did we finally find something Johnny Gat is scared of?

J: Fuck no, man, just after what happened with Eesh-

P: So...you were scared?”

J: No!

Lin getting to know everyone is a very big thing, like she’s suddenly surrounded by new people and everyone but Johnny and The Boss from before her abduction are dead

She gets along really well with Shaundi, Johnny (duh), Ben King, Asha, and Donnie (duh)

She gets along pretty damn well with Pierce too but it’s a pretty similar teasing relationship as Shaundi and Pierce and she gives him a hard time a lot

He gripes about how he has to deal with 2 Shaundis and Lin now a lot

She and Asha are pretty different but also pretty similar, they’re both really stubborn and dedicated to what they deem their “duties” but Lin still likes to let loose and have fun a lot more than Asha

A lot of their interactions consist of Lin trying to convince Asha to just let loose “a little” and have some fun

Asha for the most part wouldn’t ever really admit that she likes Lin but if pushed she’d definitely say something like “I definitely respect her. Maybe the Saints wouldn’t be as ridiculous and out of control if she was never taken from them before.”

Also because again you can pry wlw Lin from my cold dead hands we get this exchange:

“You know...you remind me a lot of one of my exes.”

“That’s...nice.”

“Stubborn, pretty, law-abiding, all work no play-”

“Is there a point to this?”

“Not really, I just keep thinking about it.”

“I see...and what happened to them?”

“She broke up with me for some prick named Blake...[laughs] So I broke his nose next time I saw him. Detention for a month, but definitely worth it to see her face.”

“No wonder The President likes you...”

She also gets along with Matt pretty well, having gone to him to find Donnie instead of Kinzie, although that was simply because she figured Matt would keep quiet about it and not tell The Boss, as well as Kinzie was already doing 101 things for The Boss at the time

She really doesn’t understand the whole Nyteblade thing but vampires are kind of cool she guesses and also it’s not like there’s a ton of shows or books left to entertain herself with, at least with Nyteblade, Matt’s got the memory of an elephant and probably totally recreates a ton of the episodes and key scenes because he is Absolutely That Guy first of all

She ends up getting pretty into it but if you ask about it she’ll shrug it off as simply because it’s “the only show left to watch”

Lin also remarks with Shaundi how she reminds her a lot of herself

“You know, I used to be some fun loving party girl myself.”

“Really? What happened?”

“Los Carnales and Julius fucking Little. Couldn’t go five feet out of my house without some assholes doing a drive-by or starting gang wars.”

“Oh...”

“Had to step up if I wanted it to stop, we see how well that turned out.”

“...Yeah....”

Alternatively to the nightmare sim swap I listed earlier...Johnny Gat would be The Boss’ husband in the 50s nightmare sim for sure

Kinzie definitely brings that up to Johnny if they’re both homies, especially if you romanced Johnny

Matt Miller and Donnie friendship when-

Turns out Donnie’s also a fan of Nyteblade

And Matt liked the Feed Dogs’ admittedly short lived time of activity

They both geek out of dumb shit and also talk about how fuckin scary The Boss can be and how lucky they are as some of the few remaining living members of gangs that The Boss fucking demolished

CID gets a lil more establishment

aka I mean he gets like a lil hologram of what he used to look like before becoming an AI in the zin system when he’s in the sim so he can hold guns and run around with you as a homie

also cut the whole thing of him trying to bargain with The Boss for “a woman” because that entire segment was weird and uncomfortable

#saints row #saints row 4 #johnny gat #matt miller #pierce washington #asha odekar #shaundi #zinyak #benjamin king #kinzie kensington #saints row lin #saints row donnie #stop talkin playa #rewriting saints row

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alicedoessurveys · 4 years

Text

Stage one: Emotions.

How often do you take actions you regret? not often, im very much someone who thinks things through first (sometimes too much) but will occasionally do things regret

Do you often feel guilty? yes Do you have a short temper? sometimes, depends on how my emotions are and what time of month it is...

When was the last time you lashed out at someone? I cant remember And why was that? I cant remember

Does it always seem like the entire world is out to get you? right now yes Have you ever had a serious mental break down? im living one right now tbh

What led up to this? (sadness, depression, fury, confusion, etc) not coping well with my illness, then covid invade and lockdown happened, I lost my job, im living with parents that don't like each other and cant afford to move out Do you believe it is just natural for humans to feel lonely? yes, I think we have this natural thing in us to find people to share our lives with Do you ever feel lonely, even in the presence of those you know or love? all the time yes Do you believe that these are the “best years of your life”? absolutely not. I know people say your twenties are supposed to be but mine have been pure shit. I was diagnosed with a incurable illness literally right before I turned 20 and ive been dealing with that since Or do you follow the “the best is yet to come” philosophy? I try to believe that the best years are ahead Does it sometimes feel like your life is being wasted or not going anywhere? yes, right now especially because I want to be out there working but ive lost the job I loved and cant find another because everything locked down Tell me about the last time you were truly, truly happy. the day I met my niece and cuddled her for the first time. I remember looking down at her as she held my finger and I just was so excited for all the adventures we are going to have together

Stage two: Relationships.

How long was your longest relationship? 3 months... cant believe it took me that long to realise he was a dick How old were you when you had your first boyfriend or girlfriend? 23 Do you (or have you ever) had feelings for the SAME sex? I have yes but I don't get the urge to act on those feelings Do you consider yourself gay or bisexual? How strongly do you feel about it? I don't know. I have more crushes on guys but have had the occasional girl crush too, but I wouldn't want to act on anything. but then again, I don't get the urge to act on feeling towards guys either so maybe im asexual? I honestly don't know but im not stressing about it Have you ever had your heart broken? yes Did you ever honestly believe you were going to marry your high school bf/gf? I didn't have one so nope Is it harder to get dumped or do the dumping? both hurt just the same I think Have you been able to stay good friends with any of your exes? yes, although we don't really talk anymore If so, is there any tension (sexual or not) between the two of you? we did kiss once but it was nothing Would you ever date someone that your friend liked or HAD dated? it depends on the situation but doubt it no When was the last time you were kissed? last year, I miss having someone to kiss ngl Are you a virgin? Do you believe virginity is “sacred”? I am. I don't think its sacred and honestly don't see the big deal but I am one of those wait till marriage or at least wait till you're certain this is your person kind of people How many times have you been in love? Was it always real? never Stage three: Friendships.

Would you say that you have a lot of friends? I have a lot of acquaintances, a few friends and two best friends Have you ever been considered to be a “loner”? not really How often do you hang out with your friends? usually like every other week but cause of lockdown I haven't properly in months Do you have a specific hang out or house that you go to? usually the cinema, or round at once of our houses Have you ever done anything illegal to help a friend? don't think so, if I did it would be something minor If not, would you be willing to? What would be your limit? depends how major it was. like if he said rob a bank with me or commit murder then nope. but like, drive a bit faster because im running late then yeah but even then id still be safe Who is your best friend? VERY best. Choose. rhys Have any of your friends ever stabbed you in the back? yes Did you forgive them? Are you still friends? some yes, some no Are your friends the only people that “get you”? no Do you think your friends know you better than your own parents? yes Have you ever lost a close friend because they died? no Have you ever lost a friend because they gained a bf/gf and dropped you? yes Are your friends your support system? =] yes Stage four: Family Life

Are both your parents alive? yes Were you raised by your biological parents? yes Has your family ever been broken? not my immediate family, but right now they're close to breaking Do you think your parents respect your space? not really Are you close with you siblings, if you have any? very close How often does your family fight or have big arguments? right now every bloody day Does your family hold very high religious beliefs? yes Are you the “black sheep” of your household? no Have you ever in anger told your parent(s) that you hated them? no I never use that word directed at someone How often are you diciplined or punished or grounded? never, im 25. but even as a kid I was well behaved Do you feel like you are allowed to express yourself inside your own home? to a degree yes, but also no. im not allowed to swear around dad and im not allowed to get a rabbit Are your parents very controlling of the person “they want you to be”? not really Your family really does love each other, doesn’t it? I hope so Are you planning to move away when you turn 18? im 25 now and desperate to move into my own space but cant afford to

#survey #long

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andesite-slabs · 5 years

Text

It’s Hard to Rescue Someone When You’re a Spoon

fic I wrote at 1 AM for @cloud-craft’s Hermaid au, which is very very good and if you don’t look into it die by my sword jk lol

Wels stifled a yawn as he lazily walked the aquarium grounds. The day was slowly winding down, and golden rays filtered their way through the roof-top windows. They would begin locking up within an hour or so, which Wels was looking forward to. Ever since Cleo had been brought by Joe to the aquarium, he hadn’t been getting his best night’s sleep. The security guard anxiously shifted on his feet at the thought. It had been a week since Joe brought an actual mermaid to the aquarium, and six days since he’d been told by Joe and Doc of her existence, but he was still shell-shocked. Apparently mermaids were real, and there were more of them just existing, secret and hidden, just below the waves. It felt like too big of a secret for a small group like them to handle, especially as he was responsible for keeping people out of the staff areas here. He once again pulled out his phone and opened the private app which connected to the security camera footage, swiping to the staff wing camera which showed the medbay door. Still locked. Wels let out a sigh and slipped the phone back into his pocket, returning to scanning the room. Nothing had changed, a few families walking abou- his eyes did a double take.

Standing by the adjacent wall was an almost unnervingly tall man with a dark mustache. He wore a white dress shirt and loafers without socks. Most unusual, though, was the large, heavy gray fur he wore (it’s summer!!???) enveloping his form like a cloud. His hair was wet, probably from sweat, and his hands were shoved deep into his pockets. Wels blinked, before bringing out his phone again and opening the staff group chat.

WelsKnight: Hey, has anyone else see the guy in the huge fur coat?

WelsKnight: I think he’s gonna use it to smuggle stolen gift-shop merchandise in it @Zedaph

Welsknight: As there isn’t any other reason to wear a coat in this weather

@joehills: I can say my eyes did spy this guy you’re talkin about

@joehills: I asked if he was worried about heat stroke and he said he was fine

Falsesymmetry: wait who? Ive got admission duty this afternoon and I didnt see anyone with a fur coat walk in

Zedaph: i didnt see him either, does he look like there’s snow globes in his coat?

Falsesymmetry: what does he look like

Welsknight: The man with the fur coat and the mustache, you didn’t notice him?

Wels looked up from their screen to look back at where the man was standing, but he was gone. He paced over to the next room over, hoping to catch him walking away, but he had completely vanished. Worriedly, he opened up his camera app and flipped through the screens, looking for where the stranger was. It was probably just his nerves getting to him, that’s all. Nothing, nothing nothing.. wait.

The medbay door was ajar. He quickly reached for his key ring, only to find the cold metal was no longer at his hip.

Falsesymmetry: nope didn’t see him

Welsknight: Hey @everyone did anyone leave the medbay door open y/n?

Falsesymmetry: no?

@joehills: that isn’t right

Docm77: n

@joehills: no one should be in there right now

Stressmonster: No, nobody is I believe?

Iskall85: yeah were all preparing to close soon

@joehills: Wels?

WelsKnight: Can somebody meet me outside the medbay door stat?

WelsKnight: My keys are missing.

---------------------------------------------------------

Mumbo took a deep breath, and then another, and then another. He decided that maybe he could keep on taking deep breaths forever and then one day he would die without having to go inside the aquarium ever and everything would be fine. But he felt guilty, he knew that being the only one with a shift-form he was the only one who could safely check the aquarium and make sure Cleo wasn’t in there. She probably wasn’t, though everyone feared the worst. So he decided he should probably check it out. Nobody asked him too, but they were probably all thinking it, and it would be really bad if no one found her after a week of her being missing. So he found himself swimming towards the coast, and eventually behind the aquarium, breathing in and out. Stalling, probably wasting valuable time, judging by the setting sun. With one final breath, Mumbo shifted into his full otter form and crawled through the vent-space he’d found, ignoring his fast-beating heart.

The next few minutes went by very fast, and he felt like he was running on autopilot. He managed to get into the building through an indoor-outdoor pool which housed some sleeping turtles, and thankfully emerged into an empty room. He began sneaking around the building, hiding under ledges and between chair legs. He managed to snag a set of keys from a tired looking employee, how he managed he didn’t know. The adrenaline kept him moving, pushing the possibility of getting caught to the pack oh his mind. He hid behind a wall and, after looking for any cameras or people, shifted back into human form, pocketing the keys within his coat so they wouldn’t jingle. Walking back out, he saw the guard look up, and quickly diverted his eyes. He needed to get done here, fast. Mumbo turned a corner and began to speed-walk away from the room, following a sign which read “staff only.”

He listened and looked under each door, cautiously looking behind him to make sure the coast was clear. Most rooms were unlocked and empty, though a few with the lights shining through he made sure to avoid until he had no choice. Halfway down the hall, he turned to open the medbay door only to find it locked, which certainly seemed odd. Wouldn’t you need immediate access to this room in case of an emergency? Sighing, he reached for the keys in his pocket and quietly fit one into the lock, hearing it click to his surprise. Pausing a moment, he braced himself and turned the handle, cracking open one eye to peer into the room.

The room was large yet cramped, with a white-square floor and countertops with organised tools upon them. A few cabinets lined the walls, and several water-fill glass tanks resting on the floor, including one central large one which contained…

“...Cleo?”

Cleo stares back at him shocked, only her tentacles moving in the water. He noticed a long strip of gauze wrapped around her waist.

“Mumbo? What, how are you here? Why are you here, for goodness sake?” She whispered.

“Well you were gone for so long, and no one heard anything from you! We were all worried, and we’d already checked everywhere else you could be in the ocean, so I decided that I should maybe check here, just to be safe.”

“Ok, but Mumbo I-“

“So I managed to sneak in and I don’t know how but there was a guard and I stole his keys and I’m not sure if he noticed so I just ran in a direction.”

“Mumbo.” Cleo tried to interrupt.

“And eventually I got to the staff area and I looked through the cracks underneath the doors and I wasn’t sure which ones were safe to go in or not. And at this point what I was doing was definitely against the rules so I began to panic more and I wasn’t sure if anyone would be coming but-

“Mumbo! Shut up, I-“

The cephalopod mer’s yell-whisper was cut off by the sound of the door to the medbay creak open.

Standing outside the doorway were Wels, Stress, and Joe, all looking in worriedly. Joe was the first to walk in, lightly pushing past the others towards a frazzled Cleo.

“Cleo, Wels saw that the door to the medbay was open, and we came as fast as we all could. Is everything alright?” He gave a glance around the room, scanning for any other person but saw the room to be empty of intruders.

Cleo pauses a moment, considering her choices. On one hand, she knew she had already broken a big rule, accidentally telling the aquarium staff about the existence of mermaids. Telling them the names of specific mermaids probably wasn’t great too, and she knew Mumbo at least had a chance of hiding this out if she lied.

On the other hand she’d had a really shit week, and this would probably be funny. Sorry Mumbo.

Cleo crosses her arms, leaning against the rim of her tank. “No, actually, everything is not alright. This room has been broken into.”

(Mumbo could feel the gears turning in his head, but not correctly, like an engine running on overdrive about to break.)

Wels stepped it. “Was it a man in a fur coat? What happened, did they see you?”

“Oh no,”’she sighed, pretending to faint. “It’s so much worse!” The mer pointed dramatically towards the floor, everyone following her finger to underneath Joe’s cluttered desk.

“Behold, the dastardly culprit!”

Stress walked over, kneeling to get a better view. The others craned their necks in anticipation.

“Oh?” Stress reached into the space, shuffling for a few moments before standing up and turning around. A cheerful smile spread across her face as she revealed a very still otter in her arms. “False alarm guys, one of the otters just managed to sneak in here somehow!” Cleo has to clap a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing.

Wels sighed in relief, letting the tension leave his clenched fists. “Oh, well that is certainly better than what I was expecting. I wonder how it got out, though. And that doesn’t explain what happened to my keys. Did someone unlock the door?”

Joe looked at Cleo, who was struggling to hide her grin beneath her hand. It wasn’t hard to piece two and two together. “Is something else going on, Cleo?”

The octopus mer held off a moment, before letting her giggles come through and wiping a tear from her eye. “Oh my god, this is so evil. Mumbo I’m so, so sorry but the past week has been kind of garbage and this was too good to pass up.” She sighed the rest of her chuckles away, resting her arms on the tank rim. All eyes turned towards the otter in Stress’ arms, who after a moment quickly set it down on the nearby desk.

“I’m.. guessing this isn’t a normal otter, then?”

“No, he isn’t. Mumbo you didn’t let me tell you, this is important.” She looked at Mumbo, who seemed to think if he stood still enough everyone would forget about him. A serious look filled her face. “They..know about us.”

“...What?”

Joe took a step back. “There’s magical talking otters too. They exist and we’re officially in a Disney movie now. Honestly I’m not sure why I am surprised, this seems like the next logical step.”

“Does Doc know about this too?” Asked Wels.

Cleo shrugged. “Hope not, cause that’s not what this is. Kind of. This is silly, can you just show them Mumbo?” she pleaded.

The otter paused a moment, before reaching its paws towards its neck in a very human-like way. Suddenly a faint swirl of mist enveloped him, before whooshing away, revealing a tall man with a mustache, hands nervously holding the collar of a large fur coat. Wels pointed a finger. “It’s him, that’s the man I saw earlier!”

Mumbo slid off the table, plunging his hands deep into his pockets. “I.. I hate this.” He turned towards Cleo. “You told them about this, about all of us?” He grasped at his hair, eyes in worried panic. “How could you, Cleo? This is dangerous! This is horrible!”

“I was on tons of drugs! I didn’t know what I was saying or where I was!”

“You drugged her?!”

“She has a giant hole in her stomach, that's what you’re supposed to do!” Joe gestured towards the bandaging at Cleo’s hip.

“Besides,” said Cleo, “even if I did tell them about the existence of mermaids, just now I said that they know about us, not all of us. If I hadn’t, you would have been the one to tell them just now!”

“Aaaaahhhguuhh!” Mumbo let out a frustrated yell towards the ceiling before hitting his head with the palm of his hand. “Stupid, oh my word I’m such a spoon.” He fell back into the side of the desk and rested his head in this hands, the room going quiet around him.

After a few moments, Stress piped up. “So, Mumbo, right? I’m guessing you're a friend of Cleo?” She gave a friendly laugh. “It’s nice to meet you!”

Cleo sighed and gave her friend a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

“I guess there’s going to have to be a lot more introductions soon.”

#hermitcraft #mermaid au #hermaids #welsknight #mumbo jumbo #zombiecleo #@joehills #stressmonster

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