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lambsouvlaki · 8 months

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His Heart (Dad!Jason AU)

Character: Jason Todd x civilian! Fem!oc

Rating and Warnings: G, no warnings, besides sappiness.

Word Count: 1,390

Summary: Jason comes back from a years long mission in space, and finds out he's a dad.

Masterlist

Jason stepped into the JLA Watchtower. Earth glowed, vast, blue, and beautiful, through the giant windows. It had been almost two years since he saw it. Dorothy knew what she was on about, there really was no place like home.

He was so sick of sleeping alone in his bunk. Andy had just moved into his apartment when he got swept away, and it had just started to feel really right.

Dick stood in the otherwise empty airlock in civvies. The furrow on his forehead was a little deeper than it had been last time, but his smile was just as wide and genuine.

He stepped forward and wrapped Jason up in a hug. Jason hugged his brother back, far beyond pretending at coldness. Space was cold enough, and the two years on the front lines had taken their toll on him.

“I wasn’t expecting a welcome party,” he said as they pulled back.

“What were you expecting?”

“I dunno,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “Maybe a giant spray painted sign saying ‘And don’t come back!’”

Dick laughed. “Sure, if we wanted to see how long it’d take you to break into the tower.”

“Three minutes.”

“Well, you’re tired, we wouldn’t hold it against you.”

Jason scoffed. “I missed you, you asshole.”

Dick flashed his winning smile. “So now what? I only saw your arrival by chance. Do you have plans?”

“Not really. I’ll probably slink home, see if it's still standing. See if Andy still… wants anything to do with me.”

Dick blinked, his expression going blank.

Jason’s heart clenched. Was there just an empty apartment waiting for him with a note that had been collecting dust for eighteen months? It would be exactly what he deserved, he thought with a bitter twist of his lips.

“I guess I’ll settle in for a couple of days then go find her,” he said. Maybe just messaging her would be kinder? No, he was going to look her in the eye, even if it was just to say goodbye.

“Don’t do that,” Dick said. He touched Jason’s shoulders urgently. “Go straight to her. I’ll take you, we’re going now. She deserves that much.” He turned and hurried through the hallways towards the zeta tubes.

“Whoa, what? What are you talking about?” Jason caught up to him, grabbed his arm and dragged him back to a halt. “What’s happened?”

“Look, it’s not really my place to say.”

“You’re freaking me out, Dick,” he growled. “What, is she dying?”

“No! No, Jason, she… she’s had a baby. Your baby.”

For a moment the world stopped. The rotation of the vast planet out the window surely halted, same as the beat of his heart.

“What?” Jason rasped.

“Sophie. She turned one a few months back.”

“She’s my–? Oh. Oh fuck.”

The world rebooted, spinning anew but the axis had moved. Jason leaned hard against the wall. “Sophie,” he whispered.

Dick patted him on the shoulder. “Congratulations, by the way. For a year ago.”

Jason laughed, frantic and broken.

“Do you need a moment?” Dick offered. “We can go sit and–”

“No.” Jason pulled himself up. He marched towards the zeta tubes. “We’re going now. Straight to Andy and my– my daughter. Is she… how is she? Are they okay? Did the family help out?”

“Of course, Jay. That little girl has a whole circus’ worth of aunts and uncles who love her to bits. And a doting grandfather and great grandfather who spoil her rotten.”

He hung his head as they reached the platform. “I should have been there. I should have been there. What kind of deadbeat am I?”

“Save that for Andy.”

“Yeah.”

---

They drove from the manor to the apartment by the river overlooking the Narrows. It was the same one he and Andy had shared for that halcyon four months before duty came calling.

Dick dropped him off downstairs, saying he didn’t want to intrude but demanded Jason call him when he was settled in to plan some kind of family night. Jason didn’t hear a word of it.

He made it to the apartment door without registering any of it. He dropped his bag of gear.

He knocked.

“Coming!” Andy’s voice called. Faint music was drifting out through the walls, something upbeat and light. The door opened, letting in noonday light to the dark hallway, shining around a smiling Andy. She was in loose workout clothes that were stained on the shoulders. She wore no makeup and her hair was up in a bun on top of her head, and her skin had a light sheen of sweat.

Her expression stuttered at the sight of him.

He had no words.

“Jason?”

He surged forward. She met him halfway. Her arms wrapped around him as tight as his did around her, and it felt more right than anything ever had before.

He managed to get her name out, before he kissed her. Her hand grazed his cheek so tenderly.

He pulled back and looked into her eyes. Had there ever been anything so beautiful?

“Jason, I have to tell you,” she said, putting a hand on his chest. “While you were gone, I…”

“I know. Dick told me.” He looked around the entryway. Even if Dick hadn’t said a word the folded up pram, the tiny raincoat, and the row of little shoes would give the game away. The furniture had seen a change too, most things had been moved higher up.

His eyes caught on the shoes. They were so small. He couldn’t help his smile.

“Where is she?” he asked.

“Gaa,” a high pitched voice rang out from the living room.

Andy’s lips quirked.

Soft, slow footfalls patted on the hard flooring, heralding the new arrival.

He stepped forward, out of the still open doorway.

And a little girl toddled into view. She was wobbly but her face was fixed into a determined pout. She stuck her nappy-wrapped bum out for balance, and held her arms cautiously forwards. She wore a single sock and a yellow dress.

Jason’s heart relocated itself. It no longer lived in his chest.

She had a wispy halo of black floppy curls and a chubby round face. She stared at him.

He knelt down.

“Sophie, baby girl, this is your daddy. Can you say daddy?”

“Mammy.”

“Daddy,” Andy repeated, her voice wet.

Sophie hummed. She toddled closer, relentless despite some wobbles. She stuck out her lower lip and fixed her eyes to him with absolute determination. He held out his hand. She reached back, closer with every step.

Jason held his breath.

Her whole tiny hand wrapped around his crooked index finger. She laughed in triumph and then fell onto her bottom.

“Oom,” she said on impact.

She looked up at him again, actually seeing him now that her quest was complete. Big curious eyes of sparkling blue stared at him.

“Hello,” he said. He offered a shaky smile. His eyes were glassy.

She stared back. She blinked.

“Da.”

His tears fell. “That’s me,” he said.

“Da. Da. Da de da den dayaya,” she babbled and giggled at herself. She lifted her arms at him.

He lifted her gently and held her to his chest. She was so impossibly small. He could feel her heart beat against him, so feverishly fast. But she was calm, quite happy to be held. He curled around the most precious thing in the world. His breath hitched as he tried not to sob.

She hugged him back; chubby little arms wound around his neck. She was so unafraid.

He looked up at Andy. She was smiling down at them through her own tears, her hand held over her mouth.

He stood, lifting his baby up. He held his little girl in one arm and the love of his life in the other. The baby was the only one dry eyed. Andy kissed the downy top of her head. Sophie leaned her head against his chest with a little sigh, safely ensconced between them.

“Uncy?”

“Hn?” he queried.

“No, baby, he’s not an uncle.”

Sophie turned her head back, looking up at him.

“Uncy Da,” she said, like she wasn’t letting them trick her that easy.

He gave an amused snort that almost covered the yawning gulf in his heart. “That’s what I get for not being here.”

“You’ll just have to stick around and convince her otherwise.”

“Yeah.” He took a deep breath. “I will.”

Next>>

#Dad!Jason #kid fic #jason todd #red hood #jason todd x oc #red hood x oc #jason todd x fem!reader #jason todd x reader #my fanfic #dc #fluff #lots of crying #give that man a baby

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lostinmythicality · 7 months

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the holy trinity 💚❤️💙

#rhett and link #link neal #rhett mclaughlin #stevie wynne levine #good mythical morning #like damn #lots of crying #beautiful people #link wearing beads #rhett is green and gorgeous #stevie is perfect

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rickyschicky · 9 months

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🌌Void🌌

A Ricky x Fem!Reader (Angst/Fluff)

Summary: You have been having an extremely hard time for a few weeks, but today was just the one day that topped them all... So Ricky had to step in before he lost you to yourself.

Warnings/Mentions: Depression, Drug usage (prescribed medications), self-deprecation, LOTS OF CRYING, Pet names (Squirt, Honey, Sweetie, Maomao, and Darling), very small amount of violence?

Hello everyone! I finally have completed my very first ZB1 fanfic and have truly become an official writer of Zumblr! This work has a lot of my emotions or feelings into it and was very self-indulgent when thought of. As many of my previous followers may have noticed, I’ve changed my user to “rickyschicky.” Yes, I’m going to mainly be writing about ZB1 from now on, but no I’ll still write for other groups/idols. But they most likely will be my ult biases or Idols that have a special place in my heart. This fic is coming out a lot later than I originally wanted it to due to a lot of personal things happening in my life. Now that this is released, I’ll be working on a proper pin that has a proper about me, rules for the blog, rules for asks and even an anon list for those who wish to SECRETLY stick around! Im very excited to have my fresh start, so perceive me well, pretty please! Feedback is always appreciated, and if you see mistakes don’t be afraid to send me a DM!

Cup. Pop. Gulp.

This routine was normal for you, a dreaded ritual if anything. If you didn’t do this every morning and night, you know your life would be in shambles and unlivable. Curling into your favorite (F/C) blanket, you let out a sigh of emptiness as your feet mindlessly kick around in it.

Managing depression, sucks.

Mindlessly watching whatever was playing on the tv, the heart inside of your chest sunk deeper and deeper. Yet anything you put on couldn’t entertain you, not even rewatching your favorite shows. You can’t decide what’s worse; not remembering how many days it’s been since this started, not eating or hydrating enough, or the fact that you have shut all your friends out with your boyfriend being the very next one. You hear your best friend’s custom ringtone blare though your phone speakers at least twice a day, but you couldn’t help but sigh and say, “not today, (F/N)”. Everything from blaring sounds to the soft fabric currently on your fingertips felt like it was hardly there. Your body feels like over-used putty, numb and worn out from so much usage. It’s impossible though, it has felt like you haven’t moved from this spot in months. Who knows the actual time you even were here on the couch of you and your lover’s shared house.

It’s pitiful how you couldn’t even jump from surprise when Ricky touches your head softly, “I’m home, squirt. I’m sorry I was out late, I wanted to finish getting a certain verse right.’ Only humming in response, you sit up and turn the tv down in an attempt to listen to him. By all means it wasn’t because you weren’t interested, it's far from that. It’s just hard to control your fuzzy mind and have it focus on something emotional at this moment in time. He didn’t like the lack-of response he received, gracefully walking over and sitting next to your cocooned form.

“(Y/N), honey. Please look at me.” You tear your gaze from the random spot you decided to zone out on and look into his gentle, cat shaped eyes. They were full of concern and distress. You almost hated how he could easily read you like an open book just by the way you act or look.

“Sweetie don’t start crying, I am far from mad at you. I just want you to talk to me, tell me what you feel.” Ricky takes no time in using his large thumb to brush away the tears that unknowingly fell from your lash line. He lets his long arms wrap around your figure, pulling you into his comforting lap.

The first thought you could even think of through the numerous tears was ‘why am I like this?’. Feeling disgusted with yourself, you choke out a sob harder and limply lay your head on his shoulder. You take your medicine day and night as prescribed, so why are you still feeling like a hollow doll that’s incapable of nothing? Even in the love of your life’s arms, you couldn’t feel an ounce of happiness.

Ricky sensed this, pulling your chin up and bringing you into a sweet and gentle kiss as he whispers soft praises of how strong you are. “Hey hey hey, don’t work yourself up too much (Y/N). We both know we will feel like shit, and I’ll call Hanbin to let him know I can’t come in to practice because you are just sooo sad.” He gives a cute pout, tickling your sides in mockery. Through your tears, you let out a huff that quickly turns into a squeal. You quickly throw your fists up and start lightly punching him in his wide shoulders and chest in an attempt to get his fingers away from your sensitive sides.

“The last thing I need is for you yelled at by mother, Shen Ricky.” You scold, feeling a breath of life flow through your veins. It was hard to be upset when he acts silly or in this case: say something utterly stupid and cute. He chuckles, noticing how you were starting to change right before his eyes. He knew he had to continue before you slip back.

“Well, I can always bring you to practice?”

“Ricky, WakeOne literally won’t let me, even if you beg.”

You sit in silence before just snorting at his antics. You shimmy out of the blanket and take care to put it around you and him, straddling his lap so you can lay your head on his collarbone right under his chin. Soon your body melts as you go limp once more. Ricky quickly accepted this new position by wrapping his arms around your lower back snugly, giving many annoying kisses to your temples and forehead. He felt you changing again and wanted to halt the process. Deciding this was too annoying right now, you attempt to pull the blanket above your head. Not liking this, your boyfriend quickly grabs the blanket with his teeth and starts tugging on it playfully, tickling your sides ferociously.

“What are you, a dog?”

“Actually, I’m a cat.”

You don’t waste a second to jab your hand in his side, hearing him whimper for you to let up and be gentle. He sighs, giving up and letting you hide under the soft fabric, rocking your curled up form that was on his lap. After being together for a while, he knew your limits and when to stop. You just wanted someone to physically be there for you today, so that’s what he will do. Slowly moving the blanket off the top of your head, he gently clears his throat to sing for you in his mother tongue. You voiced to him before you loved hearing him sing so comfortably in his first language and even encouraged him to teach you a few songs in Chinese.

Not soon after you were about to pull the blanket over your head, you heard his deep, breathy voice fill your ears. Stopping your current action, you tuck your hair behind your ears so you could hear him clearly (even if you couldn’t understand a single thing coming from his lips), and let your head lay heavy on his shoulder. Sure, Ricky could be a total annoying brat when he wanted to be, but times like this are when you are the most thankful for him. You felt at one of your lowest points and instead of running or simply saying, ‘suck it up’, he stuck around and tried to learn how to take care of you and cheer you up. He took his time learning your needs, favorite activities and foods, and even points of his personality you enjoyed the most. You were his rose, freshly bloomed and bright red with an addicting scent. His romance, the one that made his heart fall in his stomach and bounce of his rib cage with a simple stare and gentle laugh. If he could, you would be carried everywhere in his pocket wherever he traveled. Ricky truly loved you, just for who you are.

Not a second after he finished the song, you were wiping tears. You didn’t know what tears they really were at this point. You felt numb, but you at least felt something now compared to earlier. Sitting up carefully, you rub your raw puffy eyes to attempt to see him. Blinking rapidly, you saw he had a gentle smile on, your second favorite smile. Nothing could beat his largest, brightest smile he gives when he is bursting with happiness. Leaning over, you connect your sore lips with his thick, plush ones. Ricky’s chest rumbled smoothly under your hands that were propping you up, humming with the small show of affection.

“That’s my girl, so pretty even when she is the saddest soul on the planet.” He coos, large hands once again cupping your jaw tenderly. His eyes were sparkling, looking like the softest pieces of boba you have laid your own eyes on. Everything that exuded him at this moment spoke of love and truth. You lay your smaller hands ontop of his, enjoying the warmth of them.

“Maomao, let’s go to bed...I’m just really tired after today.” You confess, guilt laced in your voice. His thumb brushed your lip to hush you, smiling sweetly.

“There is nothing wrong with that, my darling. Let’s get some good rest and wake up to a new day. Together.” Your boyfriend promises, gently moving his hands to securely hold your thighs as he stands up and starts walking to your shared bedroom. He lays you down like royalty on the bed, swinging you in properly and tucks you in. By the time you were able to focus your eyes, he vanished from the room.

After a few minutes, you hear a familiar rattle come down the hallway as he slips in the room once again. He kneels by the bed a water in hand, and a yellow tinted bottle with a white cap on top. Sleepily, you grab the bottle and twist it open, smiling when you see the water bottle already opened and offered towards you.

Cup. Pop. Gulp.

Managing depression, sucks.

But Ricky makes it suck a lot less.

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sapphosclown · 10 months

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Cynthia's dad finds the note she came out to Nancy with. Cynthia is scared and does was she does best, she runs.

the news of the cancellation knocked a lot out of me but i spent the entire night before the news dropped writing pretty much this entire fic so i needed to see it through. enjoy

#she’s angsty #lots of crying #cynthia zdunowski #lydia rotpl #nancy nakagawa #grease rise of the pink ladies #rise of the pink ladies #grotpl #rotpl #grease rotpl #rotpl fic #lynthia #thesbians

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retoraterasnews · 8 months

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Chapter 1 of Part 3 is Posted!

Isolation brought benefits and downsides. One was nobody bothering you, the other was being left alone with your own thoughts. Wilson’s self confidence wavered at times due to his lack of friends and his family’s apathy for him, leading him down a path that gave a ridiculous but brilliant idea. Perhaps, it could even be his first big breakthrough… He could change himself with the power of science.

Read it here!!

I cried a couple times writing this chapter since Wilson is so squinky. I also had a breakdown this morning in fear that I may not finish this fic. After listening to unruly amount of Pokemon and Undertale music (and then playing some more Don't Starve since the game is just genuinely enjoyable) I felt invigorated to finish this chapter. No promises... but I look forward to finishing. I'd feel so complete and ready to move on, and happy that people have something to enjoy!

Thank you all so, so SO SOOOO much for reading. It makes me want to cry again, knowing people like.. LOOK AT?? AND ENJOY THE THINGS I MAKE??? SOBS??????

#wilson dst #retorateras #dst fanart #transformation #wilson percival higgsbury #wesson #wes x wilson #EMOTIONS #FEELINGS #LOTS OF CRYING #AND A LITTLE BABY MAN BEING ANGY #he angy #no big fluffy this chapter??#:(

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leejihoonownsmyheart · 2 years

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Rules of Exes

Title: Rules of Exes

Genre: Exes trying to move on :)

Tags: Heartbroken Y/N, unrequited feelings, Bad ex-Seungcheol, lots of crying, lots of confusion, lots of heartbreak, and a fight at the beginning, toxic!Seungcheol? Maybe?, Gender neutral reader, mentions of sex!!!!

Summary:

There are a set of rules for every person who breaks up with someone. The sort of rules that no one has to say. The ones that everyone always follows out of mutual respect for what you two once had and what you two will have going forward. Watch now, as Seungcheol breaks every single one.

I don't really know what to tag this because the relationship between Seungcheol and y/n is so completely foreign to me that my brain can't even pretend to comprehend so please understand that it may be mistagged and that I have no clue how relationships work. All I know is I listened to Conan Gray while writing this and felt like my heart had been broken too

“Seungcheol’s going to be at the party tomorrow.”

You groaned rolling over in your bed, burying your face into your pillow.

“I thought you said I was going to enjoy the party,” you groaned. “I just stopped crying over him, and you want me to see him at a party.”

You leaned up already feeling your face warm from the wish to cry.

“He’s probably going to be laughing along with Jihoon and Soonyoung, talking about some new person he is talking to who is prettier than me and taller than me and-”

“You seem to have forgotten that Seungcheol was just as pathetically in love with you as you were him, maybe more.”

Your eyes narrowed as you stared at Mingyu.

“If Seungcheol was so pathetically in love with me, then why did he break up with me?”

As expected Mingyu was suddenly at a loss for words.

“I’m not going to that party tomorrow,” you said sternly. “It’s too soon to see Seungcheol. It’s just going to hurt.”

“Look you and Seungcheol are civil,” he said surely. “And it’s not either of your first break ups. You know how to act around one another. You probably won’t even have to talk to Seungcheol. You’ll spend the whole night hanging out with your friends and drinking your cares away under the very watchful eyes of Joshua and I.”

“Mingyu, I know full well you are going to drink at the party.”

“Joshua is a very responsible friend,” Mingyu said confidently. You rolled your eyes and threw a pillow at Mingyu’s face. He laughed. “It will be good for you to get out. Come on. One party.”

Despite your insistence that you weren’t going to go to the party Mingyu had convinced you a long time ago to actually go. You knew that in the end if something did happen, Mingyu would drop everything to be there for you. That was just the sort of person that he was.

And after all, Mingyu was right. You and Seungcheol were civil. Nothing bad would happen.

And yet, it was still torture being there.

You couldn’t help but look across the room at Seungcheol when your friends weren’t looking at you. Couldn’t help but gaze at him and wonder how he had managed to do this. How had he gotten up this morning without you by his side? How had he just managed to come to this party and how could he be laughing with his friends, when you two weren’t together?

You- You were an absolute mess. The only reason that you had managed to get here was because Jeonghan and Mingyu were practically makeup artists. With Jeonghan’s dedication to your makeup, and Mingyu’s artistry with your hair, it was almost impossible to tell that you had been crying for the last week straight.

Almost.

You knew that when your friends looked at you all they saw were big puffy eyes.

You just hoped that Seungcheol couldn’t tell.

Not that he was even looking at you.

You were absolutely desperate to have him look at you. Just one look, even a glance would be fine. You just needed him to look at you, to remember you, to think about you.

“I can practically smell your desperation,” Jeonghan mumbled. “You’re breaking the first rule of being an ex with someone.”

You turned and glared at Jiangshan.

“Shut up, nobody asked you,” you mumbled.

“Well, don’t you want to win the breakup?”

You didn’t really want to win the breakup as much as you wanted to survive it.

“Let me guess, don’t be seen in the same room together missing the other?”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

“If you have to appear at an event together, don’t look or talk to one another,” he said instead. “But do your absolute best to not make it so completely obvious that you two don’t talk anymore.”

“I hate this,” you replied. “I never said that I wanted to do this. I don’t want an ex.”

“Sometimes we don’t decide these things love,” Jeonghan replied. “Now please stop staring at him, you’re dragging down this whole party.”

You knew that Jeonghan only meant well but that didn’t exactly make the pain of seeing him go away. You felt tears welling in your eyes at the mere thought of being in the same room as Seungcheol and not being able to talk to him.

You wondered what he had been doing recently. Wondered if he had been thinking of you, if he had gotten that promotion that he was working towards.

A sigh left your lips, and the night only dragged on. Every minute hurt more and more as you talked to your friends and watched Mingyu get drunker, and drunker and-

“This one goes out to my best friend,” Mingyu announced loudly. “Stronger than any breakup! The best smartest and most amazing person you will ever meet!”

You smiled as Mingyu took that as a second opportunity to drink. He turned his body around, his body swaying as he fought the urge to fall over. A group of your friends rushed over to steady him, all of them about as drunk as he was.

Joshua grunted and got up from the seat beside you, rushing over to them.

You just sat back and watched.

For just a second it felt nice to be there. You felt human again watching as Joshua tried to take care of a handful of very drunk people all at once.

“Quite the show huh?”

You laughed and nodded.

“A show I will never get tired of watching.”

You turned to look at the person who had just joined you, completely ready to take part in the joking when your heart stopped.

Seungcheol smiled at you, like he had never broken up with you in the first place.

“How’d they drag you out here huh?” He asked. “You don’t seem like you really wanted to go out tonight.”

Your eyebrows drew together in confusion, and you opened your mouth to say something but Seungcheol waved it away.

“Not that you don’t look amazing. You look beautiful,” he murmured. He smiled as his eyes scanned your face, and in them you saw the same things that you always saw when you two were dating. That little light in his eyes that told you that he was in love with you.

You felt something tugging at the knot growing in your chest. Maybe you had been wrong when you two were dating and you thought that look meant that he was in love with you. After all, he had broken up with you, and now you two were practically strangers at a party, and he was looking at you the same way he always had.

Had you meant absolutely nothing to him?

“It’s just that I know you,” he continued, completely oblivious to your internal monologue. “And you shouldn’t be here. You should be at home. What- Did Mingyu drag you out here?”

He tutted turning his attention to the cluster of your drunk friends.

“Take your time, don’t do things until you are seriously ready. Mingyu and Joshua- They’re all great but you know you best. Trust yourself, won’t you?”

He turned to look at you again, sucking in a large breath. His eyes lingered on you; his lips quirked downwards. It was like he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you, liking seeing you helped him to breath. His lips parted ever-so-slightly as if he were going to say the three words you wanted him to say so badly.

I miss you.

“It’s good to see you though.”

You felt air filling your lungs suddenly and it brought you to the startling realization that you had stopped breathing. Your eyes flickered away from Seungcheol’s.

“Yeah. You too.”

You felt Seungcheol shift beside you, and you felt him grow closer. You prepared yourself for his touch, expecting to feel that warm, familiar touch that you secretly yearned desperately.

It never came.

You glanced to look back over to Seungcheol only to find that at some point he had just left.

“Hey! You look worse for the wear.”

Your eyes flickered up to Mingyu as the tears started to stream down your cheeks. The teasing expression on his face immediately dropped.

“It was too soon to come out,” you mumbled. Mingyu nodded and set his drink on the counter. He hoisted you into his arms so that you could wrap your legs around his waist and bury your face in his chest as your crying turned into sobs.

“I’m sorry. Let’s get you home, okay?”

The next few times that you went out it was easier but not easy by any means.

You hadn’t realized just how much you thought about Seungcheol until you couldn’t even go to the grocery store without finding something that reminded you of him.

You had started to do something that you weren’t sure was better or worse for your mourning. You bought everything that you wanted to give him. Every book, every snack, every trinket that you thought he would enjoy went into your shopping cart and made it into its own box in your apartment.

You thought maybe it would make you feel better, or worse, or something other than that tightness in your chest but it didn’t really do anything like that.

You stared at the stupid bear that you had bought earlier this week because it was Seungcheol’s favorite color, and he loved cute small things. You wondered if he missed you when he looked at things. You wondered if he could go to the grocery store without thinking about you.

You sighed. You needed to go out. Not because Mingyu wanted you too or because Joshua wouldn’t stop blowing up your phone. You needed to go out because you couldn’t remember who you were or how to interact with people and as much as it was going to kill you to be out maybe you would at least stop thinking about Seungcheol for a second.

And yet, of course fate wouldn’t go that easy on you, would she? Because, of course, the one time you were able to make yourself presentable to see your friends you would show up and see stupid Seungcheol there.

At first that stupid part of your brain that thought he still liked you told yourself that he had looked surprised but happy to see you.

That was quickly thrown out the window as he went on to flirt with every person at the party.

Oh, you knew that look in his eyes. You would be stupid not to recognize that smile, or those touches, or the way that his eyes flickered down to their lips. You knew you shouldn’t be obsessing. You shouldn’t care if he flirted with other people and yet it was all you could think about. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him and all those dumb people. You remembered when it had been you that he couldn’t keep his eyes off of. You remembered what it was like for him to be holding you close.

And then Seungcheol’s gaze met yours and you came to a sickening realization.

He was doing this on purpose.

He kept glancing at you as he flirted, kept on holding your gaze for longer than someone who had moved on should.

When he saw how annoyed you looked his lips only quirked up.

Your chest burned. You were so confused. He was doing this on purpose? He was trying to make you jealous? Why would he do that?

“Are you okay?”

You were startled out of your thoughts, forced to look at Joshua and give him a forced smile.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you murmured. He gave you a look. “Well as fine as I could be right now… Hey you talk to Seungcheol still, right?”

The look that Joshua gave you was soaked in pity, and you hated every second of it.

“Don’t look at me like that, I just…” You trailed off not really sure how to phrase it. “I don’t know, I just don’t understand why he did it, I guess. Does he talk about me? Even a little bit?”

“This isn’t something that someone moving on should ask.”

“Even in passing. Just wondering how I’ve been doing? His body reacting to the sound of my name? The-”

“He doesn’t talk about you,” Joshua interrupted abruptly. “You can’t obsess over whether or not he is thinking about you. It’s not a good look.”

It stung.

You hated not being with Seungcheol.

You stared blankly at your ceiling, unable to move to do anything other than lay on the floor. You had known it was a mistake to let yourself listen to sad music, but you hadn’t realized just how much of a mistake you were making until Conan Gray’s Memories had come on and you were playing it on repeat.

You listened to the lyrics echo through your soul, unable to feel anything other than the sharp pain in your chest. Why was this happening to you? It was bad enough that Seungcheol had broken up with you in the first place.

Worse that he was acting like this.

All the smiles, all the talking. You wished he would just disappear from your life because seeing him was worse than not seeing him at all.

You heard a soft knock at the door and your eyes shut in agony. You didn’t want to get up, you didn’t want to answer the door, you didn’t want to have to face someone right now. You hoped they would leave.

There was another knock.

You sighed and mustered everything inside of you so that you could get to your feet. You wandered over to the door, rubbing the tears from your cheeks so that the only thing left to see were your red puffy eyes.

“Alexa, stop the music.”

Conan Gray’s soft voice stopped abruptly, allowing you to sigh and take one more deep breath before opening your door.

“Hey.”

Your heart stopped.

Seungcheol just stared at you, his face looking a little remorseful, like he regretted showing up at all.

“Listening to Conan Gray?” He observed softly. He laughed and raised a hand to the back of his neck. “You know you’re going through it when you listen to Memories.”

You just stared at him, still not really sure how you were supposed to interact with him now that you two weren’t together.

“I just want to talk,” Seungcheol explained with a half shrug. “You mind?”

You did mind. You didn’t think your heart could handle this break up if he just kept showing up in your life like this. You needed to be able to breath. You couldn’t breathe with him right there.

Still, despite your brain screaming at you not to, you stepped aside for him and quirked your head. Seungcheol smiled, completely ignorant of your raging emotions and stepped into your apartment.

He acted like he lived there. He kicked his shoes off and slid his feet into the house slippers that you had bought for him and still hadn’t thrown out yet. He wandered into your kitchen swinging open your fridge.

“Have you eaten? Let me cook you something.”

You were so confused. Seungcheol just wandered around your kitchen the way he always had. He fished out ingredients so that he could start cooking you some ramen and serve it to you in a bowl that had always been your favorite. As he cooked, he talked, told you about how work had been and little things like that which made you feel like you two were still dating.

That just made it sting more.

You were sure that if Jeonghan were here he would tell you that crying in front of your ex was breaking some stupid rule.

But Jeonghan wasn’t here, and Seungcheol was breaking all the other rules anyways.

At first Seungcheol didn’t notice as tears dripped down your face but then he stopped mid conversation-

“Hey… I don’t want you to cry,” Seungcheol mumbled softly. “Please don’t cry over me.”

If you had any ounce of pride left in your chest you would’ve told him that you weren’t crying over him and that he needed to get over himself but instead you just got more frustrated. What were his intentions if not to make you completely miserable? For a second you weren’t seeing this… Demon that was making your life completely miserable. For just a second you were seeing the man that you were in love with.

The Seungcheol that would do anything for you.

“It’s late,” you said. “You should go.”

It was probably the first smart thing you had said all night.

You half expected Seungcheol to put up a fight over you kicking him out, but he just nodded understandably. He wandered over to your door and slipped his shoes back on. He opened the door himself and was almost out the door when he stopped.

He looked back at you, with red eyes.

“You know I…” He trailed off. “I really care about you. Please don’t be sad.”

You hugged yourself with your arms.

“Good night.”

He gave you a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“Good night.”

When your phone started to go off you couldn’t help but turn your face into your pillow and groan loudly. You hoped that the action would make your phone stop ringing but regardless of your annoyance the phone still rang in your ears. You turned over and didn’t even bother looking at the contact on your phone, you just clicked the green button.

“What?”

“Babe.”

Your heart skipped a beat as you sat up to look at the phone number on your screen. You had long deleted the contact, but you recognized the phone number regardless. Your eyebrows furrowed.

“Seungcheol?”

“I knew you still loved me. You still have my contact in my phone.”

You turned to look at the phone number again, thinking maybe somehow this was a cruel trick on your mind. It had been a week now since Seungcheol had shown up at your house. You thought that he was finally leaving you alone.

“I deleted your contact.”

“Even better. You memorized my phone number.”

You didn’t know what to say so you just sat there for a second, tuning in to the obvious sound of loud music and laughter in the background.

“Seungcheol, what are you doing?”

“I’m at a party and I’m really drunk.”

You could practically hear the pout on his lips.

“I miss you. If we were still together, I wouldn’t be at this party. I would be with you.”

You sighed.

“We’re not still together.”

“But if we were I wouldn’t have drank so much and I would be with you, and you would kiss me and tell me that you love me-”

You felt that knot building in your chest. All you wanted to do was curl up in a ball on your bed and listen to Seungcheol talk. It would be so comforting to just fall asleep to his voice.

“Seungcheol you can’t call me.”

“But who else am I supposed to call?”

“Don’t call me Seungcheol.”

It was hard to hang up on Seungcheol but fortunately for you it wasn’t impossible. Silence fell across your room, and you sighed. You waited for minutes, staring at your phone screen hoping that he would call you back again. You wanted to hear him again. You wanted to hear him tell you that he missed you.

After a while you laid back down in bed, covering your face with your comforter.

You were so pathetic.

The sound of your phone ringing pierced through the silence, and you picked up your phone without so much as looking at the phone number. You were silent as you waited to hear the sound of whoever was on the other end of the phone speak.

“Come pick me up. I’m drunk.”

A relieved breath left your lips.

“Where are you?”

You were stupid to get up and get dressed. You were even stupider to bother to take the fifteen minutes it took to do your makeup and put on an outfit that didn’t make it look like you tried but did make you look good.

You drove thirty minutes to some Senior’s house you had never been to, and you were relieved when you saw Seungcheol sitting alone on the front steps. You rolled down the window.

“You don’t look drunk.”

A smile crossed his lips when he saw you. He practically skipped up to your car door. He pulled it open and climbed in.

“I sobered up.”

You two were silent as you started to pull away from the curb, driving back to roads that were familiar so that you could take him somewhere even more familiar.

Him and Jihoon’s place.

“Are you taking me home?” He asked you. You cleared your throat. He kept staring at you.

“Yes, is Jihoon there?”

“No, he’s working on a project.”

You nodded.

“Who’s going to watch you then?”

“You are,” Seungcheol replied confidently.

You glanced at him.

“Seriously, you shouldn’t be alone.”

“You can stay with me. Besides I’m not even that drunk anymore.”

“Then you don’t need me at all.”

You pulled into the parking lot of Seungcheol’s apartment complex and looked at him with an unamused expression.

“Wow suddenly I am feeling so light-headed. You wouldn’t let me walk upstairs alone, would you?”

You groaned, and when you looked back at Seungcheol he was smiling.

You truly were pathetic.

“You sure you have to leave?” Seungcheol asked, that pout on his lips again. Your lips pressed into a straight line.

“Seungcheol we aren’t-”

“I’m not saying we should get married, just… You could stay. It’s late. You live like twenty minutes away-“

“Fifteen-“

He walked closer to you, closing the distance between you.

“I want you to stay.”

You weren’t sure what to say. All you could do was stare at him. Seungcheol’s eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“You know you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” he mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know I’ve been weird these last few weeks but I’m not too drunk to think straight. I want you. I always want you.”

Your breath caught in your throat.

“I miss you,” you whispered back. “But…”

“I won’t hurt you. But I also won’t beg you to do something that you don’t want to. Do you want to?”

There was something about Seungcheol… Something about being this close to him, something about having his hands ghosting your hips, something about his lips being so close to yours.

“I want to,” you murmured. “I want you, please kiss me, and hold me and pretend like we never broke up please-”

Seungcheol interrupted you with a soft kiss that he broke after a few seconds.

“Are you sure?”

You nodded.

“I’m sure.”

“Hey-”

You looked up; your face red as you made eye contact with Jihoon. You self-consciously tugged at the shirt you had borrowed from Seungcheol, feeling the same way you had when you and Seungcheol had first started dating and it was embarrassing to have been caught by someone you didn’t know very well. Except this time, you were self-conscious because the last place you should have been was in your ex-boyfriend’s apartment, dressed in his clothes after having been railed by him like it nothing had ever changed.

“Please,” you interrupted Jihoon before he could say anything you didn’t want to hear. “Don’t say anything. These last few weeks have been fucking hell.”

Jihoon let you off the easy way, he secured you with a gentle look.

“What are you doing here?” He said softly. “I thought-”

“I’m so bad at this with him,” you interrupted. “How am I supposed to be exes with someone like Seungcheol?”

“Seungcheol’s not perfect,” Jihoon replied. “Come on, you know that.”

“But he’s not a bad guy either,” you replied. “Whenever I talk to people who don’t know him, they don’t get it. They act like he’s a bad guy. It’s not his fault that I still love him.”

Jihoon’s eyes widened which just made you scoff.

“Are you really surprised?” You asked. “It doesn’t matter how many times he breaks my heart I still remember him for who I know he is.”

You lowered yourself to the ground, pulling your legs up close to your chest.

“You know who he is. Seungcheol is good, he’s always been good.”

“But he broke your heart,” Jihoon said softly, crouching down in front of you. “You don’t have to forgive him.”

Your heart panged in your chest.

“Why did he break up with me?”

Your voice sounded broken, and the response that you got from Jihoon was just a sorrowful expression.

“You should go home. I’ll drive you.”

The silence in the car ride home was louder than you wanted to admit.

In the days that followed you did the things that you should have done in the first place.

Missing Seungcheol had made you hesitant to do the things that you should have done in the first place. You didn’t want to block his number or block him on social media. You wanted to look at your old pictures and remember what it was like to be wrapped in his arms.

But you didn’t let yourself.

You tried your best to think about anything but him. Trying your best not to stay hooked up on the fact that you too… Well hooked up.

It didn’t mean anything. It was just meaningless sex between two people who were once in love with each other.

You groaned and shoved your face into your couch.

Why, even after so many days did you think that Seungcheol still loved you? After all this time. After he had broken it off. Why couldn’t you get it straight.

“You’re…” Seungcheol had trailed off, his eyes flickering to the ground. “We’d be better off if we broke up.”

Things had been so civil and yet you felt so broken.

A knock interrupted you from your thoughts. You got to your feet and wandered over to the door, sure that it was one of your friends checking up on you after a surely concerning text from Jihoon.

When you opened the door, it was Seungcheol there. Standing in front of you with a bag of your favorite chips and for a second your memory glitched. It was like you were remembering date nights between the two of you, excited to curl up in his side and watch Persuasion all over again. You scowling as Fredrick fell in love with Anne all over again.

“She broke up with you,” you would boo a smile on your lips. Seungcheol always laughed along with you. “You deserve better!”

“They love each other,” Seungcheol replied. “Together for better or worse. Breaking up the first time… That was their worse.”

“They’re not married,” you laughed. Seungcheol shrugged.

“You know what I mean.”

But today wasn’t that day. Seungcheol hadn’t stayed up till one texting you last night, and he hadn’t whined over the phone to you because you couldn’t eat lunch together, he wasn’t here to argue with you about what the best romance movie was.

He had broken up with you. Things would never be like that again.

“Why are you doing this?” You blurted angrily. “You can’t just keep, showing up at my apartment! You can’t keep calling me! You can’t keep calling me baby and pretending like you didn’t mean to.”

“I-”

“No more excuses!” You interrupted. “Why are you doing this? Why can’t you just let me move on!”

Seungcheol was quiet, and his head turned away from yours. You were surprised by the sudden silence. You had been expecting a lot of responses from him. Laughter, reciprocated anger, just a cocky grin but not this… Not silence.

You felt bad for a moment, like you had done something wrong even though that wasn’t the case at all here. The problem didn’t lie with you, it lied with him, Seungcheol, so you stubbornly held your ground.

“I love you.”

And there it was. The most important rule of ex’s broken as if it were nothing. A humorless laugh left your lips, as you looked at him completely bewildered.

“Are you kidding?” He didn’t respond. He still wouldn’t look at you. “No, Seungcheol you have to be kidding, I know you are because you- you pompous asshole- are the one who broke up with me. You can’t just come back here saying that you love me. Seriously did-”

And that was when Seungcheol looked up at you.

You had spent a lot of time with Seungcheol in your time together, but never before had you ever seen him cry. He had always been very careful to make sure that you never saw him cry. He didn’t invite you over on those days when you knew he needed you the most, and when he was the most broken and you made him spend time with you he would just bury his face in your stomach so that you couldn’t see.

But when Seungcheol looked up at you, his eyes red and tears actively streaming down his face you felt a sting go through your chest.

“I’m sorry,” Seungcheol said, his voice breaking. You wanted to still be angry, but you couldn’t find it in yourself anymore. Despite all of your anger towards Seungcheol these last few weeks you couldn’t bring yourself to be mad. You couldn’t find the words to yell at him, find the strength to look anything but sorrowful for the broken man in front of you.

“Seungcheol, you can’t just-” Seungcheol raised his hand up in front of you, screwing his eyes shut, and pinching the bridge of his nose with his other hand.

“Stop just. Let me do this? Let me fuck this up more, okay? I know that I took our relationship and tossed it out the window and drilled it into the mud but let me just fuck it up more, okay? Let me talk, please.”

His eyes popped open and when he sniffed you couldn’t say no.

“Okay,” you mumbled. He mouthed thank you to you and turned away from you again, rubbing his face so that he could look at you again with a dry face. In only a second his face was wet again. Tears were not something so easily hidden.

“I don’t deserve you,” Seungcheol said. “Fuck I don’t and that’s why I broke up with you. It wasn’t for any of the reasons I said, it was because I thought that I was worse for you then I was good for you.”

Your eyes widened at the confession, and you opened your mouth to respond but Seungcheol interrupted you.

“Let me finish-” He insisted. “I was at my worst, and you were doing everything you could for me, and I hated how much I relied on you and I felt like you thought that… I thought you would do anything for me, and that was fucking scary.”

Seungcheol took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair, tilting his head back and closing his eyes as more tears ran down his cheeks.

“So, I did the stupid thing. The coward thing. I broke up with you. I did it because my fucking mental illness and insecurities told me that you would be happier without me.”

Seungcheol looked over at you.

“But I made you cry.”

Seungcheol shrugged his nose scrunching as he blinked tears away.

“I just- It made me realize that you weren’t with me because you had to or because you felt bad for me. You were with me because…”

He shook his head again.

“I fucked up. I fucked up and so instead of doing the right thing. Instead of being a good ex. I did the complete opposite. I couldn’t lose you- I-”

Seungcheol groaned and buried his face in his hands.

“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry I’m so selfish and stupid and-”

You couldn’t listen to Seungcheol talk anymore. You couldn’t do it because you couldn’t stand to see him in so much pain. You had always wondered what he was hiding from you when you two were dating. You wondered what kept him in his room for days at a time. What made his friends share indescribable expressions of sadness when he cancelled plans without a word.

This. He had been going through this all on his own this whole time.

God, you had been so angry at him.

So confused because he had hurt you so much breaking off your relationship and every day you had seen him after had been a sick reminder of everything that you missed about him. But now, all of that anger was gone. The sorrow, the confusion, everything was gone.

The part of you that said that you had to be upset with him was gone. It had melted away. This was Seungcheol.

You closed the distance between you two wrapping your arms tightly around Seungcheol’s shoulders. He felt limp in your arms at first, the only reason you really knew that he was there was because you could feel his chest rise and fall as he breathed.

“Seungcheol,” you whispered softly. You pushed Seungcheol back enough to look at him, your fingers buried into his shoulders. His eyes widened slightly when he realized that now… You were crying too. “You don’t have to go through these things alone.”

Seungcheol took a large shaky breath.

“But-”

“You did the wrong thing,” you said softly. “You can’t decide if people are better or worse for being in a relationship with you.”

Seungcheol nodded.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“And you shouldn’t be keeping… This to yourself,” you said. “If you need someone, I want to be there for you. If I were hurting, you wouldn’t let me be alone. I don’t want you to be alone when you feel like this.”

Seungcheol just stared at you with wide red eyes.

“Promise me that you won’t let yourself be alone when you feel like this anymore.”

Seungcheol pressed his lips together uncertainly.

“But who-”

“Seungcheol, will you go out with me?” You interrupted. Seungcheol’s mouth gaped wordlessly for a few moments.

“What? But-”

“I love you too Seungcheol,” you murmured. “Even when you are stupid and an asshole, I love you so much. You’re the last person that I want to lose.”

More tears streamed down Seungcheol’s face.

“You mean it?” He mumbled. You nodded.

“Did you mean it?”

Seungcheol raised his hands to your shoulders, gripping them tightly. He fixed you with a serious look, only made more intense by the tears on his face.

“Hurting you is the worst thing I’ve ever done, and I will never forgive myself,” Seungcheol replied, his voice steady. “I will never hurt you again.”

Maybe you shouldn’t. After all, these past few weeks you had felt close to miserable. Being apart from Seungcheol had hurt and being exes had been hard and it had taught you one thing for sure.

You loved Seungcheol and you trusted him completely.

You leaned forward, hesitant at first to press your lips to his. It felt wrong to do so when just a little bit ago you had never believed you would be able to kiss him again. But you practically melted into the kiss once it had started.

You wrapped your arms tightly around Seungcheol, able to taste the salty tears on his lips. He was the one who broke up the kiss.

“I love you so much.”

And Seungcheol kept his promise. From that day on he was careful, and honest, and he did his best to earn the relationship that he at first thought he didn’t deserve. And eventually, he realized what you had always known. He deserved the world.

And you were one other’s world.

#b: Cheol Takeover Month #seventeen #seventeen fanfiction #seventeen fanfic #kpop fanfiction #svt #seventeen kpop #svt fanfic #seungcheol x reader #choi seungcheol #seungcheol fanfic #lots of crying #I don't know what to tag this #this is probably the worst/most unrealistic thing I've ever written #You are all watching me descend into a sense of no love for my own writing

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