sorry i'm not done but how can you just drop this bombshell that malleus literally used to hate humans, that he'd refer to silver as "that thing" , that he thought lilia should've just dropped off the baby with some humans and move on with his life!!

and yet!! it was malleus who ordered the castle to have baby food delieverd to lilia's place for him, and it was malleus who'd sneak out whenever he could to come see silver and make sure lilia was taking care of him okay. and it was malleus who was so, so gentle teaching silver and sebek magic where lilia was so very crude

and after 17 years of malleus quietly loving him in his own modest way, it was ultimately the boy's tears - that thing's tears - that drove him to stop time and freeze the world over

Tossing & Turning

Charles Leclerc x Female Reader

Summary: Charles coaxes you back to sleep when your cramps keep you up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tossing. Turning. Tossing. Turning. All night long you haven’t been able to get comfortable, your cramps irritating you behind belief. You were envious of your boyfriend who was still, somehow, sound asleep behind you. While he does sleep like a rock, he always gravitates toward you when you move around. If you roll out of his embrace, he blindly feels for you until he can pull you back in. He had no idea he was doing it, it was an act he committed subconsciously, yet it made you smile every time. You huff and look up at the ceiling with your arms clenching your lower stomach, so fed up with not being able to sleep. The worst part was that you couldn’t wake Charles about it as he had early training in the morning- you would feel terrible if you woke him up just to complain. With a groan, you spin around to sit with your feet on the floor of your room, looking behind you at your boyfriend sprawled out and fast asleep. Your love. Even in pain, you still took the time to admire him. You wait for your pain to die down before you get up to go to the kitchen. Unlucky for you though, as your reaching up to get the tea from the cupboard your pain returns, amplified more than before. A groan of pain escapes your lips as you simultaneously double over and drop the box of tea to the floor. You don’t even acknowledge how the sound of the box hitting the floor might wake Charles. You crouch down, unable to hold yourself up as you wait out the pain. Unbeknownst to you, Charles is awake down the hall trying to figure out why his girl isn’t in his arms anymore. He can feel the warmth on your pillow, indicating to him that you haven’t been gone long. He starts to rise slowly, but picks up the pace when he hears quiet sobs from across the house. He quickly makes his way towards the sound, his heart sinking when he sees you folded over on the floor silently crying next to a spilled box of tea bags. He knows you’re on your period, and he also knows how bad ylur cramps can be. He frowns as he comes up behind you slowly, trying not to scare you. “Amour” he whispers, “why didn’t you tell me you were in pain?” he asks as he sits and leans against the counters, slotting you between his legs. “I didn’t want to wake you, you have training tomorrow” you say as you wipe your eyes. You try your hardest not to lean into him, you don’t want to make him feel like he has to stay with you- and he doesn’t like that one bit. “Y/n” he pleads. “I’m not mad at you for waking me up, please relax and let me take care of you”. At that, you finally lean into him and let yourself feel comfort in your boyfriends embrace. You sigh when you feel his warm hands start to knead the skin over where you hurt. “Thank you” you whisper. “You don’t have to thank me amour. This is what boyfriends are for” he says as he leans down to kiss your neck. “Are you feeling better? Do you want to go back to bed?” he asks. With the nod of your head, he gently picks you up and carries you back to your room, placing you in the same spot you were in a half hour ago. Before you even have the chance to ask him where he’s going, he comes back into the room with the heating pad in his hands. You just smile at the caring man who plugs it in next to your bed and places it over your lower stomach. As he crawls back into his side of the bed he pulls you into him and your head immediately finds the crook of his neck. With the feeling of your legs intertwined and his arms wrapped around your shoulders and back, you finally feel comfortable for the first time tonight. As your on the brink of sleep you hear him whisper “Je t’aime tellement. Je t’aiderai toujours quand tu auras mal. Tu comptes tellement pour moi, y/n, et je vais t’épouser un jour.” I love you so much. I will always help you when you hurt. You mean so much to me, y/n, and I am going to marry you someday. The last thing you feel before you fall into a much needed slumber is the soft feather of his lips on your forehead, and the light comfort of his hands brushing up and down your back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

being touch deprived and on your period at the same time is so painful😪 lonely girlies rise!!!!!!!

also, i didn’t edit this so sorry for mistakes, the gif is not mine, and i used google translate for the french:)

KINKTOBER DAY 4 - JEONGIN

TITLE: Weeding out the weak

PAIRING: Jeongin x reader

SUMMARY: After almost two weeks of Jeongin not allowing you to touch yourself, greed forces you to cave which only leads you to be caught by him in his bed trying to get yourself off. Despite pleading with Jeongin for him to fuck you, he finds a better solution by only giving you half of what you want.

WARNING: minors DNI with this post or my blog. I create NSFW SKZ related content and I know I won't be able to regulate/monitor every single potential interaction with these posts so please do not engage with my work and page whatsoever.

TAGS: slightly mean dom-Jeongin, sub-reader, ruined orgasm, female masturbation, fingering, swearing, begging.

KINKTOBER23 - MASTERLIST

KINK: Voyuerism

TAGLIST: @kbitties @luneskies @mal-lunar-28 @kibs-and-bits @aaasia111 @fairy-lixie @dreamingaboutjisung @lizzekat

Jeongin is not a very tortuous person. He doesn’t ever actively go out of his way to make you upset and never would in the future. But this time, he had done it. You had reached a limit you never thought he would bring out of you and it all started with a bit of teasing.

It was just an innocent night out with Jeongin at a club and restaurant which quickly escalated into a steamy round of bathroom sex at the back. Jeongin was pissed that you had him so riled up enough to fuck you in public that he decided to put one rule in place for you to learn your lesson; no touching. 

He wasn’t going to touch you and you weren’t allowed to touch yourself in place of that. For how long was the real question that you started asking yourself when it had been a full week of no sexual contact whatsoever.

But that’s the dynamic between you and Jeongin. You both love slotting into your roles of dom and sub here and there and that rule just happened to be part of it. 

It was a painful mistake to think it was going to be easy without being touched or not being able to touch yourself. But that was after the fact that your sex drive had been satiated by getting railed by Jeongin. In the days after, the urge began creeping up whenever you felt horny, and Jeongin managed to take advantage of it.

He fed into your needs by getting handsy with you; groping your tits around the house, smacking your ass as you walked past him, kissing your neck from behind. But not anything more other than that, and it was frustrating.

"Why can't you fuck me?" You would ask him earlier into the second week.

"I told you," Jeongin started. "No touching until I say so."

"Surely you can now, it's been more than a week," you pleaded.

"No."

"Then can I please touch myself at least?" you questioned. "I need it so bad."

"Then you should've thought about it prior to acting up last week," Jeongin responds sharply.

As a result of the harsh reinforcement of his rule and words, it's led you into a state of being completely starved for touch. Sex had been on your mind a lot more than usual, specifically, the things that Jeongin has done to you in the past. It was almost like detoxing from him entirely.

However, up until now, when you're in bed watching a movie while Jeongin is out with friends, you still think about it. The fact that the film you're watching is relatively raunchy, doesn't help the circumstance that you're in.

It forces you to think about Jeongin - his cock, the way that he fucks, his fingers, his warm, wet mouth. A moan slips past your mouth just thinking about it. The invisible chokehold that he has around you begins to loosen when the idea of touching yourself slips into the cracks of your conscience.

'What Jeongin doesn’t know won't hurt him' is the phrase you tell yourself when your hand starts slipping down the front of your underwear. 

There’s a wash of relief that you feel, the split second your fingers reach your clit, already gathering the wet slick that has started up from thinking about Jeongin. Your thoughts run rabid, tracing back to the times where Jeongin has fucked you so good. 

“Jeongin…” you mutter to yourself, eyes fluttering closed as you pick up the speed of your fingers. 

With the whole house to yourself, you have free reign to be as loud as you like - which is usually the case if Jeongin were with you. But there was something deliciously dirty about getting off while he wasn't there. Maybe it was the fact that you were completely breaking the one rule he had for you, or maybe it was the thought of potentially being caught.

Regardless of the matter, Jeongin knew that both were the case when he arrived back home early. He even announced himself as he walked in through the door, but your moans seemed to drown his voice out that you had no clue he was back.

His ear picked up the faint, muted sounds coming from the bedroom and proceeded to investigate with the inkling in the back of his mind that he knew what it was. Jeongin could see the glow of the TV from the slightly ajar door, but the sounds became much clearer when he pinpointed your moans.

"Mmm, fuck Jeongin, please..."

His throat ran dry for a few seconds. So this is what you look like when you're all alone and touch yourself? Jeongin needed to watch you like this more often; vulnerable, horny, helpless, and needy.

So he stood there, watching you for a good few moments where you progressively became more vocal and frenetic with your movements. He himself can't not feel horny when he sees you like this, so just when he thinks you're about to reach the very tip-top of your orgasm, Jeongin swings the door open.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

Your hand retracts away from your clit, so startled that the wave of pleasure you were building yourself up towards dissipates as fast as you could possibly comprehend that Jeongin was standing at the door. With your heart pounding against your chest, there’s a few seconds where you both look at each other, dead in the eye only for you to realise that he is actually standing there. 

“I…I thought you were out,” you stammer, hoping desperately that what you’re doing isn’t what it seems to him. 

“I was,” Jeongin answers. “And now I’m back. So I’ll ask again, what are you doing?” 

You sit up, still panting and fed up, “I’m horny so I don’t care about your stupid rule anymore. You haven’t touched me properly in two weeks and I haven’t been allowed to touch myself either, I’m done with it.”

Jeongin feels a slight tinge of guilt, but he doesn’t show it in his expression. He may have gone overboard with pressing up behind you at certain times, groping you or feeling you up whenever he got the chance. But, you still disobeyed him. 

He takes off his black blazer and folds it neatly once before draping it over the back of the chair in the corner of the room. As he walks over to you, he’s unbuttoning the sleeves to his white dress shirt and rolling up his sleeve.

“You can take my fingers,” Jeongin says impatiently, sitting next to you but on the edge of the bed. “That’s all you’re getting.”

Better than nothing. 

At the rate you’ve been going at for the past two weeks, just about every inanimate object looks mountable to you. Therefore, you are taking whatever it is that Jeongin will give you. 

He starts by spreading your legs apart for himself and uses the tips of his fingers to glide delicately and softly over your pussy. It doesn’t take long for them to be deliciously slick with your juices while the wet sounds makes you grip at the hem of his jersey. 

He then takes it upon himself to remove all of his rings that are always hot to look at but are now a barrier in this sense - for you. 

“Wetter than usual you are,” Jeongin voices his observation aloud, making you flush with shame before his hand returns to you. “Is this what happens if I neglect you for too long?”

You throw your head back when he teases your entrance with just the tip of one finger. He pulls back and goes in a bit deeper, enough to make you start audibly moaning. Using this method a few times, he was to be sure that you’ve had some prep, regardless if you started but couldn’t finish it.

Plus his fingers are very different from yours and they have never been able to do the trick like him.  

“Yes, baby, feels so good,” your eyes flutter shut. 

“Yeah?” He reaffirms and then takes into consideration how hard you're gripping around his fingers. “I’m not going anywhere, you can relax."

“I can’t help it,” you cry out pathetically, gripping the pillow behind your head. 

The ridge of pleasure fast approaches and Jeongin can feel you clenching sporadically around his fingers, watching his digits become increasingly wetter all the way down to the palm of his hand. When your moans become more strained and stagnant and when you start calling out his name, Jeongin makes the most malicious decision and retracts his entire hand from you. 

Your eyes flash open, clenching around an emptiness as you cum. 

“N-No! Please, please, please! I wanna-I almost-”

“Almost what?” Jeongin interrupts your babbling. “Almost came without my permission? As if.”

You throw your head back and try to swim in what’s left of the diluted pleasure Jeongin stripped from you. But no matter how hard you tried, it was no use. There was no intense surge of euphoria or tingly sensation that would spread throughout your body. 

“Cry about it,” Jeongin shrugs carelessly. “You knew what the rule was and yet you still went ahead and broke it.” 

At that moment, you could have actually cried. His words were a clear sign of ‘fuck around and find out’. So long as he is stern and strict with you about any rule that you both agree to implement, Jeongin will uphold it until the day he dies. 

"I couldn't help myself," you whine while your legs are still clenching and rubbing toghether.

"Clearly," Jeongin replies sarcastically. "Now you know for next time that your actions have consequences."

"There won't be a next time, I promise I'll be good," you swear to him.

Jeongin raises an eyebrow at you, "don't tell me one thing and then go and do the other angel. You'll need to prove it to me in the meantime."

---

A/N: I'm a real...slut for mean Jeongin...also sidenote, this was originally meant to be a 'mutual masturbation' piece but I went with voyeurism since of the mean!dom trope that I ran with.

Malleus Draconia NSFW Alphabet

(this pic of Mal is so slutty i hate disney)

warnings: smut/nsfw, yandere/slight stalking, mentions of breeding kink, malleus is kinda fuckin crazy so, reader is afab but no gender or pronouns are explicitly specified

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

The ultimate KING of aftercare. This man will be so sweet and gentle with you to the point you think it’s a facade. Malleus’ unpredictability is something that is truly frightening - he’ll go from being so rough and aggressive, constantly just thrusting into you, making you scream at the top of your lungs from all the overwhelming pain and pleasure and then 10 minutes later he’s like :) “let’s have a bath together” The way his demeanour switches was something you weren’t used to at first, but going through all that and then getting peppered with the softest kisses all over your body definitely feels rewarding.

B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Malleus’ favourite body part on him is probably his eyes. He loves how he can provoke so many reactions from you just by looking at you - having almost a hypnotic effect with the way he stares at you so intensely. The man just likes to intimidate the fuck outta you sometimes and the best way he knows how is simply just to look at you and then you’ll just suddenly find yourself on your knees in front of him.

His favourite body part on you is probably your hands. He absolutely loves to hold and stroke them all the time and never gets tired seeing how small they are compared to his.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Not messy and doesn’t like to be. He will most likely cum in you every time unless you tell him not to. But because Malleus is secretly fucking crazy he wouldn’t mind seeing you absolutely covered in cum from time to time - this not only fuels his ego but his possessiveness of you as well, he literally just wants to drill into your mind that you belong to him and no one else. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

This mf secretly really likes to watch you sleep, and not you two being in the same bed and he’ll just look over at you - no. He purposely likes to secretly break into Ramshackle dorm and just stand and watch you in your most susceptible state. Malleus is not the type to do anything to you in your sleep, he respects and cares about you too much and knows that consent is KEY and will never do anything without letting you know first. Nevertheless, that doesn’t stop him thinking about what he wants to do to you. Malleus won’t tell you but deep down he has some pretty intense fantasies about you and thinking about these, towering above you whilst watching you sleep quietly is something that secretly gets him really riled up. You’ll never know of course.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

This man is not particularly experienced however, he is an extremely fast learner it’s actually kinda scary. You tell him to do something that you like and he will not only do it well but he’ll do it even better than you imagined. You will be in shock just from how amazing he is at literally everything. He might get some tips from Lilia as well because at the end of the day, Malleus can be extremely oblivious and might be completely confused at what you’re asking him to do, that doesn’t matter though, he’s still gonna fuck you up regardless.

F = Favourite position (this goes without saying)

Mating press…wow who would’ve thought this. This man's sole purpose in life is just to breed you mercilessly, well not really, but he makes it seem that way. Malleus will have your legs hoisted up to your chest so fast you wouldn’t even be able to tell what’s going on, only to then suddenly feel him thrust into you so deep you’d think that he actually fucking impaled you or some shit 🙁🙁 Sometimes this man is so damn nasty when it comes to this position, when he feels like it, he will literally just use you as his personal plaything to dump his cum into over and over again.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's definitely not goofy in bed but rather, he gets amused seeing you get all worked up and writhing under him. He finds anything you do to be endearing and will occasionally make lil funny remarks here and there to lighten the mood if necessary.

But again, because this is Malleus we’re talking about, he’s unknowingly a god damn psychopath and will unleash a side of him that’s so sadistic and perverted that you start to think that he might just straight up murder you then and there. This side still shakes you to your core no matter how many times he reveals it to you, as said before - Malleus is unpredictable. You’ll never know whether he’ll treat you with the most delicate and tender kisses or if he’ll just wrap his giant hand around your throat and squeeze it until you almost lose consciousness, leaving bruises and marks plastered all over your body.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Much like the hair on the top of his head, he is very well groomed everywhere. He shaves often and likes to keep it neatly trimmed so it doesn’t get in the way.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Textbook definition of intimate. He can be a hopeless romantic at heart sometimes, pulling out all the stops just to make you blush - making sure to go the extra mile so the moments you spend with him feel memorable and special. He makes a pretty big deal when it comes to sex and always wants to make sure that you’re comfortable with everything he’s doing because, when it comes to doing the actual deed, he can be quite intense, and sometimes just downright scary in the moment - especially for you, so he’ll be extremely patient and slowly ease you into things so he doesn’t frighten you (too much)

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Rarely does it. Not because he has a low sex-drive its just cuz..it doesn’t do much for him? He actually finds it to be kind of boring and would much rather wait until he can sex with you than to jerk off.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

This man has many kinks but one that rears its ugly head more often than not is his corruption kink. He just can’t get over the fact that he made someone so pure and untainted become so immodest and lustful, shamelessly watching the innocence just slowly fade out of your eyes each time you beg for him to fuck you. The way you start to whine and whimper at his feet, only wishing to have him fill you up and use you whilst he glaringly looks down on you seeing the mess you’ve turned into.

for more kinks look at this post!!

L = Location (favourite places to do the do)

Malleus considers intimacy to be a private thing so most of the time he’ll fuck you in either his dorm room or, if he’s feeling particularly impatient, he’ll sneak out to Ramshackle dorm whilst you’re doing your studies and have you then and there. However, ever so rarely, Malleus gets the urge to fuck you in a more open area, whether that be a nearby forest/park or even inside a closet, where the space is so small and cramped, so that all you see and feel is him. He occasionally indulges in the element of risk with the possibility of someone seeing you get literally obliterated by him. But he also thinks that your facial expressions and the way you scream his name should only be seen and heard by him and no one else.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

This man is all over the place. It could be the smallest of touches that you give him that end up turning him on - lightly brushing your hand over his or if you give him a little bit more eye contact than he anticipated. It’s the little things you do that get his mind racing as he’s so fascinated with how humans express themselves with emotion and intimacy that he might just take the most innocent things the wrong way. 

With that being said, Malleus absolutely loves it when you’re bold with him. Put him in his damn place for once and order him around to do whatever you want him to. He’s one of the most powerful mages in the entire world and a literal prince but that definitely doesn’t mean you can’t grab him and make a move on him. He finds your fearlessness very amusing and loves to see you think that you have the upper hand, when in reality in a few minutes he’s gonna have you crying and mewling begging him to stop just from his fingers alone.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Definitely does not like to degrade you. Malleus may be peculiar with his ways of displaying affection but he would never even dream of talking down to you, or if he ended up doing it, it would never be extreme. When it comes down to it, he just wants you to be pleased and satisfied and will constantly reassure you that no matter how intense he is with you, he’s doing it all out of love and adoration for you. Despite having a very undercover sadistic streak, this does not mean he would go as far as to call you awful things - he’s very big on worshipping and therefore wants you to feel treasured by him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Malleus is pretty neutral when it comes to oral but leans towards giving it just a lil bit more. As previously mentioned, he loves seeing your facial expressions and how you react so if that means he has to be in between your legs for hours in order for him to hear your moans then my god, he is going to be there for a while. 

And on the topic of facial expressions….jesus christ does this man love to watch you struggle to suck him off. We have all for some reason collectively agreed that this man has two dicks and just seeing you choke and struggle to handle ONE let alone two is definitely a sight he loves.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Malleus is very fickle when it comes to pace. On some days he'll be very slow and loving, being very close to you with his fingers intertwined with yours, making you feel nothing but pure bliss, hearing him say the most caring and heart-warming things to you. And on the occasions that he is slow, it is in no way sloppy - he will make you feel all of him and by the end of it, you’ll literally feel like you ascended to heaven just with how kind he was to you.

But, that is on some days. Other times, he will be so brutal and fast with you to the point that you’re not even able to think a coherent thought - your mind being literally blank, seeing nothing but white as he pounds you ruthlessly.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not into quickies and will never be, unless you really beg him to but that won’t make him satisfied. It takes a while for him to get really turned on so quickies never do anything for him except make him feel even more frustrated and stressed. He likes taking his damn time with you so if he was to have a quickie it’s definitely more for you to feel good than for him.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Malleus is always up to experiment with you and is constantly finding new things to do so that you never get bored or worn-out with what he does. He’s open to almost anything you ask him to. However, you find yourself being the one to make the first move to initiate things rather than him because deep down he’s worried that he might scare you off with his requests. 

When it comes to being risky, he’s a bit more reserved. Malleus is just so possessive of you and if being risky means that people could end up walking in on you and seeing you in your completely fucked-out state, he would rather be more cautious make sure you’re in a secluded area where no ones around.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

To say this man could go on for hours is not an understatement, he literally could. It always either ends with you having to beg him to stop because you physically can’t take it anymore, or him seeing the way you shake and pant just from how many rounds he can do and then finally deciding to give you a break.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

We’ve all seen how he is with technology or anything he considers “new”. Yes, he would be up for using toys on both you and himself but bless his heart, it does take him a bit of time to figure out how the hell to use them. For example, he would be using a vibrator on you, wanting to turn up the settings, only for him to press the wrong button and switch the damn thing off - getting all flustered and quickly trying to get it to work again but then just ends up breaking it because he pressed every button at once. It’s times like these that make you see a more innocent and naive side to Malleus which always makes you smile. In most cases when he uses toys he just resorts to using himself to pleasure you because it is literally the only way he knows how.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Malleus is both the biggest tease EVER but at the same time will do anything you ask. It all really depends on his mood and whether he wants to see you begging for any sort of release or crying from all the overstimulation. In the end, he always ends up caving in and giving what you want - he just wants to spoil you and even if he’s feeling pretty unfair that day that doesn’t mean he isn’t gonna make you climax, if anything he’s gonna make you cum multiple times.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Definitely more on the quiet side when it comes to moaning and will let out an occasional grunt here and there. But this is because this man is all about dirty talk, my god. Truly the definition of “hey lil mama lemme whisper in your ear” because does he ever shut up? No, no he doesn’t. He will be so shameless when it comes to dirty talk, whispering the sweetest but most god-awful sinful things in your ear which always result with your eyes widening and thinking “did he actually just say that”. Malleus is downright deplorable when he does this and will forever love feeling the heat from your face just from his words alone.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Despite how great he is at hiding his true intentions, all he secretly wants to do is lock you up and have you all to himself. Malleus has an underlying toxic side that he always keeps under wraps but slowly starts to reveal itself the more you get intimate with him. He will literally ‘claim’ you as his which therefore means he won’t allow you to talk to anyone but him, he’ll convince you that he’s the only person you can rely on and that no one else can love you like he does. Malleus is pretty fucking terrifying when you think about it and this is shown when he ends up getting you in such a state that you truly start to believe all the lies and delusions he’s pushing onto you. If he got his way he would literally just keep you caged in his room, stroking your hair and insisting that what he's doing is good for you and all out of love.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Did someone order sausage because oh my god THERE’S TWO OF THEM. One of his dicks alone is scary enough but then add in another one? It’s almost like he purposely wants to scare you off. You better be prepared because what Malleus is packing is definitely not easy for you to handle, or anyone for that matter. They're a lot darker compared to the rest of his body and both have veins running up the side of them, each having different spots where it feels more sensitive. Let’s just say, Malleus truly does live up to being the most intimidating person in the entire college because seeing that sight for the first time was enough to make you gulp. Being dicked-down by him is nothing but overwhelming and will make you think that no one else can make you feel as full as he does.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Before getting to know you it was literally non-existent. He didn’t realise just how much he enjoys sex until he met the right person and then after that, he just finds himself wanting it a lot more than he would’ve expected. You wouldn’t think that his sex drive is high with how god damn patient he is - he would literally wait hours, if not, DAYS, just to tease you and then when it comes to the actual moment, all hell would break loose.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Does this man even sleep? Or even feel tired? As said before, Malleus is patient and will always wait for you to fall asleep first before he does anything of the sort. He’ll cradle you in his arms, humming and stroking your body lightly to make you slowly come down from the biggest high ever. He’s very attentive with aftercare so it might be hours before he takes a lil nap, but just know that he’ll already be awake and ready to take care of you the moment you wake up again.

good lord i finally finished it!!! all imma say is listening to the weeknd definitely helps with writing about him but i had fun with this n also tysm for all love this acc has gotten lol i literally just made this for fun a week ago just to post random shit but im so glad ppl actually like it!!! this is my first time writing stuff like this so its hella weird seeing so many ppl reading it 😭😭😭 but i appreciate it sm, pls let me know what else i can possibly write abt!!! :)

Malina and or Kanej HCs pleaseeeeee

My boos I miss them all ty <333

Kanej Headcanons

I'll do Kanej because despite having read the books, I'm honestly not really familiar with Mal's character and therefore not likely to write something accurate.

Also sorry not sorry this is half angst because it's Kanej

First of all, they both think the other deserves someone better/more suited to them;

Inej knows that Kaz needs someone who'd be willing to be with him despite not being able to touch. He needs someone with patience and who wouldn't mind waiting forever for him.

On the other side, Kaz thinks Inej OVERALL deserves someone better than him, someone who would be able to hold her, comfort her, kiss her...

Despite that, if Inej ever gets approached romantically by another man, Kaz will beat him up later, threaten the dude's mother, then frame him for a murder Kaz committed and get him sent to Hellgate, far far away from Inej

Inej doesn't ever worry or get jealous over Kaz speaking to other girls because she knows he wouldn't be interested in a million years

Ok so we all remember when Inej said “I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.” and Kaz didn't budge, basically a silent painful rejection

Inej said that because she 99.99% knew that Kaz wouldn't instantly take off his "armor" for her

She WANTED him to "reject" her because her goal was to go hunt slavers, far far away from Kaz

Sure, they could send letters, but they could never be genuine in the letters lest someone intercepts them and finds out Kaz's weakness

As long as there wasn't an unspoken "rejection" between them, Inej wouldn't feel completely free to leave after the whole Ice court heist and all

Obviously she will still love him, but she needed a way to let go of that attachment enough to go and follow her dreams

Inej thinks about Kaz every single day since she left him

She's always reminded of him in every single thing she does or thinks;

"That's exactly what Kaz would say/do"

Inej goes to visit Kaz in Ketterdam whenever she passes by with her ship

Whenever she leaves again, Kaz sends her off with a pair of gloves or a coat of his

After the events in Rule of Wolves, when Zoya tasks Kaz with finding the heart of St. Feliks (I think that's the name?), Inej was the first person he asked for intel. Since she travels around so much she surely heard something

Of course, when he's going outside of Ketterdam for jobs or other stuff, Inej is the one who takes him on her ship. He wouldn't trust anyone else

Inej once said a few affectionate words in Suli to him and Kaz immediately searched through all of his contacts for someone to translate it for him

Inej once stole a wealthy slaver's fancy watch and brought it back to Kaz;

Not because Kaz needed yet another one but more as a symbol that she was still what Kaz made her.

When Kaz bought her the ship, he made the captain's room look like a better version of her room at the Slat so that she would always have a reminder of him and the Crows

Because her "magic slippers" got burnt while scaling the incinerator in SoC, Kaz got her a nice pair of more practical boots and commissioned yet another Fabrikator to modify the soles and make them excellent for climbing

Kaz made Wylan work on cannon blueprints until they were perfect and had them installed

He basically went all out with that ship

Inej got a little tattoo that said "the Crow" with "The Wraith" under it on her back despite her issue with branding

She didn't get it as a label, she got it as a reminder of who she was

"the Wraith" was everything the Menagerie's Suli lynx wasn't. For Inej, the tattoo was a symbol of her strength

Kaz didn't know

He found that out when one day, she came to visit him and was wearing a backless top;

He'd gotten (stolen) a necklace for her and she asked him to put it on for her;

At first Kaz was really hesitant but he *GASP* took off his gloves, and gently brushed her hair out of the way and that's when he saw the little tattoo

This man FROZE and didn't even realize his UNGLOVED index finger was tracing her bare skin along the lines of the tattoo

When he realized it he quickly stopped and hurriedly clasped the necklace around her neck

He still isn't over his touch aversion, but he's doing better. He still quickly stepped back though, putting some distance in between them

He noticed the faintest flush on Inej's cheeks and that's how he knew she still loved him, he felt relief in knowing so

These days, amongst Kaz's men, the Wraith is a myth. They don't know that Inej is gone, they think she's always there in the shadows, spying and reporting back to Kaz

Only the OGs know the truth

To Kaz, this was a way of forever having a piece of her within the gang

I hope these are to your liking!!! It's hard to write Kanej without angst

I came across a post about Mal Oretsev being portrayed well as “a former soldier” and it suddenly hits me. The things that I haven’t understood yet at that time make more sense now, but I’m not sure I’m able to express them clearly.

As I remember, the OP said something about the soldiers (especially those who have been trained and been one since they were a child like Mal) being “mission-minded”, they “don’t have time for romantic gestures” so the way they show their love is how hard they focus on tasks and work on the mission for their loved one’s benefits. (That’s why I can understand some people see other people be the better match for her because those people in question either has very long life experience or grows up in the different upbringing, which makes them have different ways to cope with stress or show romantic gestures, like giving flowers or gifts; meanwhile, Mal is about using his words - very solemnly, he basically pledged his loyalty and devotion to Alina, and his actions).

And that’s what Mal does in this season. The way he emphasized not just once about the importance of finding the Firebird, destroying the Fold, we can see his growing frustration when things went off the rails. Then he found out the truth about the identity of the Firebird, knowing that he had to sacrifice his life; ironically, he is the one who urged others to the direction of killing him as quickly as possible, the fastest way to gain Alina more power, to destroy the Fold, to complete the mission, for HER. With his restlessness, and even growing to distant following every next episode of season 2, we could barely see him relax or even smile much (as well as the fun Malina banters in ss1 we adored so much) since things got heater and heater. Being with Alina possibly is the only moments he let himself loose, allows himself to be in peace in the middle of the battlefield, to be slow, to be gentle, that's how their intimate scenes were portrayed. But also it’s the reason why we saw him constantly try so hard to pull away from her, “because if I let myself feel a thing, I’d never find the Firebird - the one thing you need.”

Let’s get another example is that Zoya Nazyalensky. She is a soldier. She had no interest in romantic relationships and even showed a lot of eye rolls at the whole “we betraying our countries for love” between Nina/Matthias (and the whole concept of love in general). She remained being fixed on her goal - saving and fighting for Ravka. She was clearly distressed at the loss of her family, but she didn't let it show clearly and continued appearing to be strong so she could get things done for the sake of her country. Then there's Mal, who was dumped traumas after traumas, then had to witness the love of his life be engaged to someone else, but he put all his feeling aside everytime to do the right thing, to protect Alina. Despite different motivations and purposes, Mal and Zoya also have a lot in common about their mindset and their manners, shutting off their emotion and their pain for the greater good, constantly and restlessly moving forward to “fight for what matters most to” them. For Zoya, it’s Ravka, her country. For Mal, it’s Alina. BECAUSE SHE’S HIS FLAG, SHE’S HIS NATION.

SPOILERS FOR SHADOW AND BONE SEASON 2

Okay, it's the time of the year to get controversial. Yay!

Sooooo, three days ago (16 March 2023) the second season of Netflix's Shadow and Bone aired and surprisingly I quite enjoyed it.

I know, I know, shocking.

But let me just tell you why.

The characters are better.

Alina: She got herself some agency that doesn't just revolve around Mal (yes, she tries to not have him die and stubbornly refuses to entertain the thought and that's understandable because she loves him, but the other characters don't let her just hide from it) and in the end doesn't lose her powers (I was especially happy about that) AND stays with Nikolai to try and fix their country. She takes responsibility (more than in the books at least), which I loved to see. Also at the end she looks like she's happy about being able to control shadows and to kill the girl - which... I know some people won't like it, but I do because you know what? IT PROVES ALEKSANDER'S POINT. He may have not seen this side of her for himself, but he knew it was there somewhere. He kept telling her that she's young still but once she knows, once she lives through a failure after failure to save their people, well... she might be even worse than he was to keep them safe.

Mal: oh, this boy gave me a headache in the books, but they managed to make him better. He knows Alina was meant for something greater than an ordinary life and knows that he wasn't. Mal in the books held Alina back so many times, but here they are actually trying to make him suportive of her decisions. And in the end he decides that he wants something for himself that isn't just Alina and what she wants. So yes, I liked that change a lot. I sincerely hope that they won't get back together, because they seem to me better of as friends.

Baghra: I hate this woman, I really do. I hate that she just disregards what her son tells her and contradicts herself constantly and seem pretty manipulative all around. But the fact she acknowledges the fact she's not a good person, that she actively tries to do something instead of petily commiting suicide just to hurt her son, that made me like her more than in the books. I still hate her, but just a little less. She's a bad person, moraly worse than she was in the books, but she's a better character.

Nikolai: I loved him, so much. I think they nailed his character. The balance of hope, despair and charm that I loved about him in the books. The choice they made with Dominic surprised me, but in a good way. Nikolai's dynamic with anybody was great, the friendship between him and his people was lovely to watch in my opinion.

Zoya: I never thought I would say this but I don't mind her existence. I hope they won't ruin her like the Nikolai duology did, because so far she looks like a character that makes sense and isn't frustrating or annoying.

And finaly Aleksander/The Darkling: In the first few episodes I honestly couldn't get over what they did to him, but then they added these little details and for me they painted absolutely different picture of the character than just an irredemable villain that the books tried for. Him saving his grisha from being tortured at the hands of the First Army and then promising Genya he will find David for her, thanking her even though she couldn't do what he asked for and shielding her from the Nichevo'ya while he was in immense pain? That showed the love he holds for his people even when he doesn't express it in plain sight. Him not killing Genya for deserting and honestly... who knows how much of the scars on her face were made by his direct command? Then the fact he is able to direct the Nichevo'ya but can't fully control them? God damn it, but they were made while he was dying and he can't get rid of them. The fact they killed his mother when he didn't want them to, that he cried for her like that? The 'Leave her alone! No!' when the Nichevo'ya attacked Alina? His speech in the final episode which made perfect sense and Alina will find out the hard way he was right? The bloody fact he admited that Alina was his peace, which... you know... he loved her. That's just a bloody fact that even the show wants us to know.

I just, I found it refreshing that yes, while they made him probably more deranged than the books, they also made him more human. They made him lose more and they made him feel more. They didn't just make him a paper cutout of a character (which to be fair, the books tried really hard to do). They made him an ancient force to reckoned with but also a man that lost more than anybody could possibly imagine and decided to go nuclear. And yes, of course I would love to see the characters admit he was right and instead of fighting him try to work together for a better Ravka and against the witch hunts, but we all knew that wasn't going to happen. I honestly think they made him better though. Still a villain, yes, but a one that suits his world more.

The crows: I don't have much to say there, they kept their canon characteristics and, in my opinion, managed to fit them into the story quite well.

So, overall, while the series has some of the frustrating things that the books had, they did get rid off a lot of the bigger ones.

There are really only two things, which I didn't like: David's death and the fact the show as a whole forgot that Novyi Zem and Shu Han are not friendly places for Grisha. I swear I was fuming when they just mentioned they would love to go to Shu Han. Like, that's amazing, but you would end up on a lab table with needles in your brain.

That's all. Thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

And some days it really seemed like I was more loneliness than human.

Loneliness has this habit to cut you open, from thighs to neck, and bury itself between your organs. It finds its place under your ribcage and beats in rythme with your heart. Boom, Boom, Boom, day and night. As such, you cannot get away from it.

Classrooms are always empty when you walk alongside loneliness. Public transport is always quiet, and streets are always gray. From the moment you open your eyes in the morning, to the moment you close them at night, it is always carried within you.

A classmate I had a decent relationship with but wasn’t a friend once asked me « Are you okay ? » and I almost cried right there and then, because I had been eating lunch alone for months and no one had ever asked.

In french, we have an expression : « Mieux vaux être seul.e que mal accompagné.e ». It is better to be alone than in bad company.

And so I choose to be alone. That it was my choice does not make the loneliness any less heavy. It might even be worst, to know I’m the one who chose to walk away. For my mental health, I told myself.

I had always had friends before this, but leaving high school is a harsher break than you ever expect. People you saw every day for the past 7-10 years are suddenly gone. You don’t text them, and they don’t text you, and one day you realise you don’t know anything about them anymore. You can’t ever remember their degree.

And so you’re alone. You meet other people, and they’re fine, but not good. Can anyone replace childhood friends who grew by your side ?

That’s the thing with being different: unless you look for, and find, people who are different in the same way as you, you are always alone.

The class was full of able bodied cis straight white girls, with a few exceptions who still did not understand me in the way others had before. (My middle school friends did not have a choice in this; they knew me before I was different. They had to learn with me.)

They did not understand the cane. They did not understand the gender. They did not understand the aromanticism. They did not understand the ADHD. They did not understand the way I dressed, the way I wore my hair. They did not understand my fights, or the way I acted. They almost always forgot I couldn’t take the stairs as fast as them, or at all on some days.

They found me too loud, too immature, too strange. It took me a while to understand what the feeling that bubbled in my stomach was when I heard one of them say « you changed your hair again ? ». It felt like being treated as a child, unable to make normal, decent, expected decisions for xemselves.

I stopped talking at lunch. And then I sat a little farther away. And then I didn’t join them at all anymore. Not once did any one them ask me about it, or proposed that I joined them. Not even the kindest one, who had written me a letter so I could get my name change approved.

And so, I chose loneliness.

If you look closely enough, you’ll see the scar of it. From thighs to neck, rough and shaky. Internet friends are lovely, but they cannot take the loneliness away.

I’ve gotten used to it. It is still here, but it’s smaller now. The world is painful and people will always hurt you, wether on purpose or not, and there is nothing you can do to prevent that. You hurt people wether you want to or not. It is often out of our control, the pain we inflict on others.

Do not focus on that. If you realise, apologise, learn the lesson, and move on. The loneliness doesn’t leave, but it grows smaller with each new year.

Maeve: How long does it take for it to kill?

Mal: Untreated? Couple of days. Usually the first days you'll suffer terribly, like you're being cooked alive, then you'll have what we called the Visit of Health, where you are just fine, but that's just your body having a “what the fuck is going on” moment before it ultimately expires in very ugly, painful way. At which point you turn into a Laz, which is kinda like a zombie, because the rot is still reanimating it to find something else to eat.

Maeve: So there's no treatment...?

Mal: Again. Dwarves and Dragons were able to concoct a symptomatic treatment which delays the whole process and stops people from turning into zombies and infecting others. Instead of days, it can go on for years on end, but the gangrene settles instead as the treatment isn't capable of restoring cells with no DNA or spiritual energy left to restore them. So you get gangrene, dementia, cancer, tumors the size of beach balls, your organs slowly start failing one by one, your bones become brittle, your bone marrow becomes literal mush, unable to produce blood cells, your cells start cannibalizing each other, and the rest of your life is a degradation to a hunk of rotten, tumorous flesh, basically.

Maeve: Oh watcher...

Mal: And your brain degrades so you turn into a Laz either way, only it takes longer. Also you throw up shit once your digestive system gives up.

Maeve: Oh my watcher!

Mal: Yeah. Mahv thought “dragons are immune to every disiese, I need to make something horrible for them to fear instead”.

Maeve: So, our son...

Mal: I gave him one of my Eyes. My Eye keeps him alive and regenerates him, slowing the effects of the rot. His body will permanently be stuck in cycle of complete regeneration and utter torture of being melted alive by spiritual radiation. He’s a paradox, stuck between healing and decaying. Cool, right? 

Maeve: Why can’t the Eye save him?

Mal: Cause he doesn’t have a dragon heart. The Eye keeps him alive but he isn’t like me. You can blow me up and I’ll live. He can heal from nearly anything. Cut off his head and the Eye “nopes” out of there. 

Maeve: You're kidding, right?

Mal: Hey! You're the ones who asked ME to save him! Told you all dead was better! Hey, at least he gets to keep a pretty face, perks of being a paradox I guess? Also can create a Tomie Effect, which means that... a lot of people... will have a very unhealthy and irrational murderous hate towards him. Or love obsession. 

Maeve: I don't feel an unhealthy and irrational murderous hate towards you!

Mal: Not everyone wants to murder you, some people just want to fuck you so bad they'd kill for it. Including you. The only winning part of being a Paradox is that you’re overpowered as fuck and no one can kill you. But you sure can feel a lot of pain.

Maeve: Oh! Great! So if I was to stab you right now, you wouldn't die!

Mal: Yes! Exactly! But I dislike pain, so do not expect to stab me without retribution.

Maeve: Is that a threat?

Mal: No. It is a reality. I’m immortal, not dumb. I’m not about to let someone stab me just because I can’t die. I feel pain, all of it, and there’s nothing I can do about it other than push through. And believe me, pain can be a thousand times worse than anything else. Rather it is the pain of being wounded, or the pain of feeling my body fix the wound. Imagine feeling your skinless, bleeding, body, grow back it’s own skin, one inch at a time.

CATCHING MY BREATH, STARING OUT AN OPEN WINDOW 

Diablo Corvus is based on Diablo from Sleeping Beauty. He is a 25 year old shapeshifter, bouncer at Wonderland, and uses he/him pronouns. He has the power of shifting and flight. Diablo is portrayed by Jacob Elordi and he is taken.

CATCHING MY DEATH, AND I COULDN’T BE SURE

From a young age Diablo was raised a protector. Having a mother that couldn’t stand up to his drunk father meant that he needed to, having thrown a few punches at the man when necessary. He was gone before his thirteenth birthday and Diablo couldn’t have been happier to see him go. Meanwhile his mother was working full time as a waitress make ends meet for her son that she loved dearly while also feeding her drug addiction so he picked up what he could around the house. Diablo grew up cold, only caring about his mother all while grappling with the reality that he was a shapeshifter. This was information he never wanted to worry her with, concerned it was a trait he might’ve inherited from his father. The last thing she needed to deal with was knowing her son that could turn himself in a raven. Mal came into his life at the perfect time and became the sort of parental figure he’d been missing. In a way she reminded him of his mother but stronger, able to help him figure out his own abilities while watching hers grow. He used them to his favor from time to time and in return he was always at her beck and call. They became a dynamic duo that everyone knew better than to cross.. He was happy to be a part of the chaos. In fact, he doesn’t quite know what to do without it. While being raised amidst his mother’s addiction he knew nothing but and Mal being much of the same made them a perfect pair despite the difference in age. Since waking up in Evermore he doesn’t remember much of his mother, assuming the worst now that he isn’t there to look after her. To not dwell on emotions he tries to not think of it, his memories of her haunted and most of the good ones having vanished. Instead, he’s sworn to continue his loyalty to Mal which includes working at the burlesque club as a bouncer and showing any man who gets a little too handsy how treacherous it can be to cross him. Diablo isn’t mad about being here, finally able to escape the life he had been trying to for so long and find his own vices in this new world he’s happy to explore. He awaits Mal’s revenge plan unfolding, ready to watch the world, or at least some people in it, burn when she releases her full potential.

I HAD A FEELING SO PECULIAR 

❀ Eeyore Shepard: A girl he’s taken under his wing and wanted to protect. He can tell she’s been through it, seeing the other more helpless side of his mother in her. Diablo doesn’t want to care but he wants to make sure she’s taken care of.  ❀ Hades Aidoneus: He doesn’t like the man in the slightest but can tell he is powerful. Whether or not he wants to get involved in his dealings he has and he does want to get on his good side. Diablo sees him as an important ally to have. It isn’t as much him as person he likes but what Hades is capable of.  ❀ Peter Baek: Another powerful figure that he is curious about. He wants to know how he obtained immortality so that he might get it for himself. Diablo likes him more than the others and trust him more than Hades. The only problem is he can’t figure out a single thing about the guy.

THAT THIS PAIN WOULD BE FOR EVERMORE

Wait they have heats? Then what are they all like during heat? :o

Here’s the link explaining heats

Sans: he’s not too different during his heat. He likes to joke and call it hibernation because that’s how sans treats it. He does his best to be unconscious as long as possible. He usually saves vacation time from work to take the first two days off. His rarely sat longer than three days

Papyrus: he HATES his heat because it makes him anxious and jittery. Papyrus will work himself to exhaustion during in an attempt to ignore his arousal and anxiety. And there’s not really anything anyone can do to help since he refuses to find a heat partner if he doesn’t have a SO

Star: he becomes oddly calm during his heat. The exhaustion saps all his manic energy leaving him in a nice state of normal. It’s terrifying

Honey: the cramps from his heat make him nauseous so it’s hard for him to keep food down the first two days. If he had a partner though, heats would be a breeze for honey. He doesn’t suffer any personality changes. Just terrible cramps

Red: so he’s super horny, anxious, and sore? Sounds like Tuesday to him. Unless one was his partner and able to smell the stronger magic on red, nobody notices when he’s in heat

Edge: he gets more physically affectionate during his heat. Not only in a flirtatious way with his SO. Edge will also hug red, be nicer to his interns at work, give doomfanger many extra cuddles… he’s still super grouchy though, just cuddly and grouchy

Mal: he’s a seething ball of rage during his heat and should be avoided at all costs unless you plan on being his heat partner.

Cash: he’s… hungry. He has the opposite problem that honey has. Now everything looks appetizing to him. Even sweets. If cash is voluntarily making cookies, he’s in heat.

Oak: heats are not a fun time for him. Oak gets really stressed out so any time he’s awake, the stress makes his memory even worse than usual. So bad he can’t really do much, not even bake. He might forget the oven is on.

Willow: same as oak, his heats are a bad time for him. They make his back ache like a mf, and he has his brother to worry about as well since their heats cycle together. Willow usually takes the week off and spends it worrying about how his managers are handling the bakery

Charm: being a monster infected with the lust serum means that charm is always in a state of low heat. So he actually doesn’t have a heat cycle. He just has to deal with being horny all the time

Sugar: same situation as charm basically

Lord: he becomes softer and less snappy during his heat. Lord will even be sweet to his friends instead of his usual sass. He’s still not down to cuddle though

Mutt: he gets pretty temperamental during his heat and will be looking to pick a fight. Not as bad as mal, but close. Lord forces mutt to quarantine whenever their heats start up because mutt will end up getting injured somehow

Wine: he’s very flirtatious during his heat. It’s funny because wine is normally so prim and proper, but here he is making all the old ladies blush in delight when they visit the antique shop. Rip SO.

Coffee: during his heat he has zero f*cks to give. It’s like all his shyness is thrown out the window. He doesn’t stutter one bit when talking to new people. And like wine, he becomes a smooth mf

Pop: literally nothing changes during his heat except for him being a little tired. Pop is blessed with very easy heats

Rhythm: he gets more emotional and it’s pretty easy to get him crying during this time. His bones are also super sensitive so unless you’re his partner, rhythm won’t want anyone touching him

Pluto: heats make him lazy, so unless it’s canoodling with his partner, Pluto won’t want to do much except lay around and read.

Jupiter: same as Pluto basically. His heats are the one time he isn’t super excited to go out and work.

G: he absolutely hates that constantly aroused feeling and almost always finds a partner for his heats. If he doesn’t though, G turns from funny-rude to genuinely rude during his heat.

Green: he very oddly calm during his heat. He likes to pretend that he’s not hurting and raging horny at the moment lol

Peaches: he gets more social and playful during his heat. Peaches is normally so mild that it surprises people to see him so quick to banter.

Rancher: because of all the hard labor he does, he sometimes misses his heats since he’s too busy to notice the arousal and soreness. Rancher once panicked thinking he missed a season before peaches reassured him that he definitely had it at the same time as him

Snipe: he becomes a nest goblin during his heat and will hide away for the four days in a pile of blankets and pillows he drags into his room. Snipe uses his heat weeks to get caught up on any backlogged paperwork he has

Bruiser: the wanderlust hits hard when he’s in heat. Bruiser only comes home to sleep for about four hours a night. Where he is the rest of the time no one knows

Ace: he’s VERY emotional during his heat and can’t even keep up his usual neutral masks. Out of necessity ace has to take the week off and will spend it sulking unless he has a SO to spend it with

Slim: like papyrus, slim takes the work till you drop route to stave off the anxiety. He usually spends his heats with boss doing any and all fixing jobs the mafia properties might need. Slim prefers sore bones over constant arousal

Butch: he gets super playful and cuddly during his heat. He’s basically a big pest to every one around him lol. This also comes with being extra flirtatious. Because of this, but rarely ends up alone for his heat

Boss: his personality really doesn’t change much during heat, but the raging libido does make him a little more distracted. He usually keeps himself busy and focused by working slim to death. Helping his brother with his anxiety makes boss feel better

Rust: like red, he’s great at hiding his heat and has no problems still going to work on those days. The kids are a great distraction. He’s mopey and listless when he gets home though

Noir: he’s super cuddly as well but less grouchy than edge. Noir will straight up cuddle with rust during heat to try and cheer his brother up. This is a great time for a SO to get him to say something mushy and embarrassing lol

Lilac: without that manic energy Star has, instead of becoming normal, lilac is dead to the world. He’s in pain, exhausted, and too horny to want to look at anyone that’s not a heat partner. He spends it in solitude mostly

Basil: like honey, heats make him super nauseous. But basil refuses to not eat so he spends his heats occasionally checking in on lilac and focusing on not throwing up :(

Heartbeats (Part One)

 Based on this request: “Jesper x reader where she was in the first army and grew up with mal and Alina, but then when stuff goes down in the fold she ends up in ketterdam (maybe she’s grisha too) and teams up with the crows but her and Jesper end up falling for each other?”

masterlist / part two

As you look around you, taking in the sight of swirling darkness as far as the sky stretches, the screeches of volcra, and the cries of the wounded, you can’t help but wonder one thing: how did you get here? Even a year or so ago, you were still listed among the soldiers of the First Army, a tracker just like your friend Mal. Before that, you were simply another hapless orphan at Keramzin. How did you go from that to this?

Then again, it’s precisely because of your sunny little bubble at Keramzin that you’re out here trying to shoot literal volcra with a gun- namely, because of your friendships with Alina Starkov and Malyen Oretsev. You’d met Alina and Mal at the orphanage, arriving around a year or so after they’d arrived. A lesser child would have felt stilted that you’d never quite be as close to them because they’d known each other first, but you didn’t mind. What you had was good, as good as it could get when you felt so utterly lonely in the world.

Life at Keramzin has been preserved in your mind as something in between the gilding glow of nostalgia and the darkening regret of someone who wishes for nothing more than to go back to those treasured days of youth when nothing ever quite mattered. What had it been like, running the wooden paneled floors of the orphanage, tearing through the high grass of the meadow as you ran from bullies and Ana Kuya for the thousandth time since your arrival there? Certainly, it had to be better than life as a First Army soldier, or life now that you’ve made an enemy of the Black General.

You had an option to leave the orphanage if you had wanted to, you know that. Grisha searchers had arrived at Keramzin on their yearly journeys, with living amplifiers present to see which of the ungrateful little urchins might have a spark of the Small Science residing in their veins. Mal had gone first- he was always the bravest. He had shown no signs, and neither had Alina when she followed him, although you noticed the way she gripped a shattered piece of pottery in her hands so the pain would distract her body from giving off any signs of anything.

You know you weren’t supposed to witness the gesture, that Alina herself had no idea whether she was a Grisha at all, but it’s not as if you didn’t do the same. Maybe it wasn’t a coincidence that you’d slathered a little paraffin on your wrists after you’d read the hack in an old book, and that you specifically made sure to be tested by the oldest and most wizened Grisha there, hoping that her failing eyesight would look past anything lurking in your heart and head. Even then, you might have known that there was something not quite right with you, something that could end with you being taken far away to Os Alta.

However, you didn’t want that, not at all. You’d felt accepted with Mal and Alina, and life with them at the orphanage was as close to home as you’d felt since the war had torn apart your previous life. You had no idea what could possibly be worthwhile in the Ravkan capital city, and so you made sure that no one would see you as anything other than an otkazat’sya, someone to be overlooked and disregarded.

You didn’t have an obvious gift, or you might have had you not done everything in your reach to disguise your stranger abilities. There were just times when you swear you could hear someone’s heart beating loudly in their chests, even from across the room, or when you seemed to sense someone approaching because you could hear the thunder of their blood through their veins. Mal said that you weren’t going crazy, that he could hear the heartbeats too, but you’re not sure whether or not that truly let you off the hook. He’d always been a little too good at finding animals, tracking down beasts and people alike, to fully reassure you of your normalcy.

Your fears were confirmed when you were older and your newly twisted ankle had suddenly healed itself before your eyes. You had been groaning over your latest injury, placing your fingers across the bones as if you could do anything to save it, when it suddenly mended itself. Just like that, with naught but a flash of heat and pricking to show that anything happened. You had glanced around furtively, making sure nobody had seen, but you knew. That was enough, that you knew. You had a secret to keep now, one you’d have to keep for the rest of your life.

You’d heard what the books and stories said of the Grisha. Witches, people said of them, demons and witches and monsters. They were called every name and curse and then some. You didn’t know where your life would lead you, but you were certain that you would not find it as one of the Second Army’s little red-clad soldiers. So, you accepted a place as a tracker in the First Army when your time came to be conscripted, and you did your best to pretend that it never existed.

However, it’s kind of hard to ignore now, when every sense in your body is suddenly flung into high alert. It’s as if there’s a voice in your head, calling out to you- if you wanted, I could save you. If you used your power now, you could save your life and the lives of your friends. You can hear it now, can’t you? The beat of a volcra heart before it swoops, as if there’s a human organ trapped within the masses of shadows and claws. That’s partially why your gunshots are so accurate, isn’t it? You’re sensing the beasts. You’re using your gift.

A shout of praise comes from the ship behind you as you nail one particularly good shot. “Nice one, tracker!” You stifle a groan as you turn around to find yourself face to face with a familiar Ketterdam crook: the sharpshooter from earlier, Jesper Fahey. You stare at him incredulously. “We’re busy trying not to die, aren’t we? Why bother with a compliment at a time like this?” He just grins, unflappable as always even in the middle of a battle against fearsome shadow monsters. “Talent respects talent, love. I thought you were good.”

You roll your eyes and purposefully take a shot behind him, although you can’t help but feel a little disappointed when Jesper doesn’t flinch despite the bullet rattling through the space only a few feet away from him. Then again, if you thought you’d startle the cheekily grinning boy in front of you with a mere bullet, you’d doubt you really met him at all. Judging from your first experience with him, at least, it’ll take more than a gunshot to really make an impression.

You had first crossed paths with the Barrel canal rats a week or so ago, when you were searching for Alina after she had run away from Os Alta. You and Mal had been the trackers assigned to finding her mystical stag in the first place, so you were aware of the fact that she was on the loose and were determined to find her before the Black General did. You still shudder to think of that night, when you’d first seen the stag- Mal had led you and two friends through the Fjerdan wilderness, but on the night you’d finally found the beast, you yourselves had been discovered by Fjerdan patrols.

Now your two friends are dead, and Mal is still grimacing from bullet wounds sustained during the fight. He doesn’t ask how you’re still alive, and you made sure he didn’t notice the fact that you accidentally used your Grisha powers during the Fjerdan attack. You hadn’t meant to do it, not at all, but in the middle of the blood-streaked snow you had felt something deep within your chest. You couldn’t explain it, not with words at least, but it was there nonetheless. You were watching your friends die around you, and, desperate for some way to save yourself, flung out a hand towards shapes moving in the shadows of the trees.

You had felt something, like your hand was closing around a string, and tugged sharply. At the exact same time, one of the Fjerdans came sprawling out of the trees, a mess of arms and legs as the blond man struggled to regain control over his heart. Seconds later, he was dead, with no bullet wounds in sight. You had pretended that you had shot the patrol, just to keep Mal off of your back, but you’re still shaken by the fact that your power had sprung to you so easily. It’s a terrible gift, to take away life so brutally, and you can’t deny that you’re a little afraid of it yourself.

Regardless, you and Mal had found the stag, made the journey to Os Alta to inform General Kirigan, and been notified that Alina was kidnapped by Kerch thieves. Mal had pulled you aside almost immediately, saying something about how he swore he could find her but he didn’t want to alert the rest of the Second Army men. You heard the slight change in his tone when he spoke of the Grisha, and you held your tongue just in case, once again silencing the little voice in your head that almost wanted him to know, just so Mal would address you with the same reverence and fear.

However, you didn’t want to go with Mal. Not yet, at least. He could go track down Alina with the grace of a thousand trackers, be able to tell footsteps from fallen boughs and rabbits from rocks, but you could hear heartbeats rattling out from the trees. You knew you could find Alina if you truly wanted to, but you didn’t want Mal there to question why you weren’t looking at the ground but staring out at the horizon as if you could hear something he couldn’t. Mal could always hear things, that’s how he was. If you were listening to a song that wasn’t playing his tune as well, he would have questions that you’re not sure you could answer.

So, you split up, and traversed the land around Tsibeya and Ryevost in search of your missing friend. You ended up finding her first, if only by an hour or so. You’d lived by Alina’s side for so long and so many years that her heartbeat was practically ingrained into your skull, and when you caught a brief snippet of it on the roads near Ryevost, you knew you had found your Sun Summoner.

You weren’t sure whether you truly believed the rumors that Alina had been kidnapped by the Kerch or not, but when you stumbled upon the scene and saw Alina surrounded by a trio of people dressed in dark clothes with weapons drawn, you knew something had to be up. You had moved quickly, with the efficiency of a soldier with your First Army training, and pressed the barrel of your gun against one of the boys’ heads within the second.

You weren’t sure why you picked the boy you did, why the boy with the dark hair and the ever-present smirk, but you can’t help but smile wryly at the memory. You’d addressed him coldly. “Step away from her. Now.” The boy had clicked his tongue, speaking without fear despite the fact that there was a gun pressed against his skull. “You know, you really shouldn’t do that. Having the gun so close to me just means that I can do this.”

You had to give credit to Jesper- he moved fast. He was quick, likely from life on the streets of the Barrel, and a lesser soldier would have fallen prey to his attack within the second. However, you weren’t a lesser soldier, and you had the advantage of hearing his heartbeat uptake the moment he started moving. So, when Jesper Fahey whips around to grab your gun and force you to the ground, you’re expecting it. That’s why you take advantage of his momentum to slam into his side, knocking him to the ground and sending his twin revolvers skittering across the soil.

You’re not quite sure what you were expecting from Jesper at that moment- a look of fear or resignation? Maybe you weren’t expecting a reaction at all. However, when he looked up at you for a second longer and then started laughing, you were almost as startled as if he’d continued his attack. “Fantastic move. Who are you?” You stared at him, almost forgetting his two companions, whose hands have now directed weapons to you instead of towards Alina. You casually nod your head towards the woods, and Alina, understanding, begins to slip away while her captors’ backs are turned.

“None of your business. Why are you laughing?” Jesper, as you have later learned, just sits up casually, as if he couldn’t care less about the barrel of a gun being pointed his way. “Because I think it’s excellent that you anticipated my attack that way. I’m going to have to remember that one and use it later.” He’s standing up now, practically brushing your gun aside. You’re not particularly moved by this- you don’t care if he attacks you, just that Alina can get away in time. What matters more to a band of crooks- the Sun Saint, or some other girl?

So, noting that you’re now one against three and you don’t really care for using your Grisha abilities right now, you tuck your gun away into the standard issue holster on your First Army tracker drabs and grin back at him. The smile feels almost as hard to fake as when you’ve been standing in your regiments for hours when higher-ranking officials come to visit and see how all the little toy soldiers are doing.

“Well, I’m glad to be an influential figure. I’ll be off, then.” It’s now that the trio whip around and notice that Alina is gone. The other boy, the one with the dark leather gloves, curses softly. You start to slip away as well, but the sharpshooter isn’t willing to let you go so easily. “Wait a second, my dearest influence. If we lose both you and your friend, it won’t be so good for us.” You flash him an irritated look. “You don’t need me, and I couldn’t care less what’s good for you.”

The girl nods to the sharpshooter. “She’s right, Jesper. I’m not killing more people than I have to.” You gesture towards the girl. “Exactly, dearest Jesper. I’m just going to go. I would say that it’s been a delight talking with you, except that it hasn’t.” You’re kind of hoping for a negative reaction, but Jesper just smirks back at you. “Enchanting, of course. I hope to see you again.” You roll your eyes and start walking away, although you can hear Jesper talking to his friends as you leave. They’re chiding him for flirting with you, as this is evidently something he does often. You let out a huff of breath, bothered, then do your best to find Alina. Hopefully, you can find her and get out of here, and most importantly, never see this all-too-cocky boy known as Jesper ever again.

However, that didn’t exactly happen. No, you’re still stuck on a sand skiff in the middle of the Shadow Fold, being attacked by Grisha Heartrenders, volcra, and the Black General alike, and if that wasn’t enough, Jesper is here too. He’s fighting by your side now, as if trying his hardest to annoy you by being as close as possible, and won’t let up the opportunity to exchange a witty retort or irritating grin whenever he can. Honestly, you’re hoping to win this fight soon, because if you have to spend another moment with Jesper Fahey, you might as well shoot him too.

grishaverse tag list: i heartrender you @underc0vercryptid​, @darlinggbrekker​, @cameronsails​, @aleksanderwh0r3​, @story-scribbler​

Hi Anastasia!

Can I request a Nikolai Lantsov x fem reader with prompt #4 “Is that my shirt?” “You mean our shirt?”, please?

Thank you, you're brilliant! 💜

Of course! Thank you so much for the request, Rosie! 

Ok, so I may have gone a little overboard with this...I hope you like it, Nikolai is quite hard to write about.

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x fem!Reader

Prompts: 4 (”Is that my shirt?” “You mean our shirt?”)

Warnings: fluff, insomnia, overthinking 

Word count: 1279

What's best for Ravka 

It had been hours since you laid down on your shared bed with your boyfriend and you hadn’t gotten one ounce of sleep. Ever since you were a kid, you had trouble sleeping. You usually started the night tossing and turning, you’d get up and make some tea, lay back down, flip your pillow and, if nothing worked, you’d sit on the couch with a good book to read awaiting morning. It wasn’t until you started sleeping with Nikolai that it got better. Something about his warmth and the comfort you found in it lulled you to sleep every night, but so many thoughts rushed around mind for the past few of days that you simply couldn’t find sleep.

Careful not to wake him, you slowly untangled yourself from Nikolai’s sleeping figure and walked out of the room, grabbing your book, putting on his dress shirt and a coat in the process. You made your way through the Spinning Wheel to the part of the observatory where you could see the mountains and the stars. Everyone was already asleep so you didn’t need to worry about your attire or posture. You slumped down on the floor and opened the book to the last page you read, but you couldn’t seem to concentrate. After reading the same sentence for the tenth time, you closed it and put it down beside you. Pulling your coat closer around your body, you looked at the sky and you let yourself worry about your future. 

What happens if the Darkling finds us?

Will we truly be able to end the fold?

How many more people have to die before we cease this?

Will Nikolai and Alina marry? ... what about me?

You had already talked to your boyfriend about this, he seems to think it’s what’s best for the kingdom, to have a saint ruling beside him. He says it will be strictly political and that his heart will always be yours. But I’d be the other woman, wouldn’t I? you couldn’t help but think. Our children would not be recognized as truly his. And what of his children with her? He would have to sire an heir, wouldn’t he? 

You knew he loved you, you knew it was best for Ravka, but you couldn’t help the ache in your chest as you imagined your Nikolai kissing her, loving her, marrying her and you being left behind, unwanted and forgotten. Who would want you if he could have a saint? 

You were so distracted, you didn’t even notice Nikolai walk in until he was sitting down beside you. “What troubles you, my love?”

You faked a smile and said “Nothing, moi tsarevich, or should I say moi tsar?.” Referring to his father abdicating and sailing the Southern Colonies.

“Darling, I know I’m damnably handsome, but that doesn’t mean I’m not smart as a whip. You only call me that when something is wrong. What is it?” He smirked and you rolled your eyes at the damnably handsome comment, but you knew he was right. Nikolai was almost ethereal under the light of the moon and the stars, his bare chest on display.

“When will you propose to Alina?” with that, his whole demeanor fell apart, leaving only a frown. 

“Actually... I already did.” you could hear your heart breaking as he continued. “This morning, after breakfast.”

“Oh.” was the only response you could mutter, but you forced yourself to add “Congratulations on your engagement, moi tsar.” and looked away before he could see the tears in your eyes.

“I don’t think congratulations are in order. She said no.” He replied and your gaze shot back to him, completely shocked.

“She said no? Why would she do that? Does she really think Mal is better than you?” you liked Alina, she was a nice girl, but with apparently no taste at all.

“(y/n), lapushka, do you want her to marry me or not?” he asked, voice dripping with humour.

“It’s what’s best for Ravka.” you answered. Even though he knew it, you couldn’t reveal the truth. You couldn’t simply tell him not to do the best for his kingdom just because you loved him, because you couldn’t see yourself with anyone else but him, because you thought that if he left you, you’d never love again. That would be selfish... Wouldn't it?

“Alina seems to think differently. She says that the best thing for our kingdom is for me to be happy and that it would never happen in a loveless marriage.” he reached into his pocket and pulled out the Lantsov emerald before continuing. “My mother gave this to me before she left. I tried to give it to Alina, but she said I should give it to you.”

“Nikolai I-” he put his hand up, cutting you off, and said “Before you say what I know you’re going to say, just let me tell you what I want?” you hesitated for a second before nodding. 

“I want you. I don’t care that you’re not grisha, or royalty, or even a saint. I care that I have never loved anyone more than I love you. I want you to be my queen, my wife, the mother of my children, my partner for all my adventures and everything that is to come. The saints know I need you, not just for this, but for everything. I can’t even sleep without you anymore, I woke up because you weren’t there. Everytime I think of a new invention, I want to tell you. Everytime I leave a meeting, I want see you. I think of you all the time and it pains me to realise how selfish I’ve been when it comes to us. I promised you companionship and love, but I’ve been neglecting you for my kingdom, asking you to prioritize something that isn’t yours to reign. Well... yet.” He smiled softly at you, grabbing both of your hands in his. “I want us to make Ravka a better place. Together. I truly think there is no better queen than you.”

“Nikolai, I can’t be a queen! I’m not royalty, I’m not elegant, I can’t dance, I’m clumsy and awkward, the people would never accept me.” you were positive he had gone mad.

“You see, moya lyubov', being a queen is not about being royal or knowing etiquette. It’s about being brave, loving your people and doing everything in your power to make your kingdom the best place for them to live, make it feel like home. You do that to me everyday, you gave me a home, so I know you can do the same for Ravka. I want everything that is mine to be yours. My battles, my glories, my defeats, my kingdom, my heart and my soul, it’s all yours.” he adjusted himself to get on one knee, smiled at you and said “(y/n) (y/l/n), would you do me the honor of becoming my wife and queen?” you smiled, tears streaming down your face.

“Yes, Nikolai!” you exclaimed, tackling him to the floor, both of you laughing.

“Is that my shirt?” he asked, only noticing when your coat opened up a bit.

“You mean our shirt?” you remarked, smirking.

“Of course! Our shirt” he looked up at you with a soft smile before slipping the royal ring on your right hand. “Moya tsaritsa.” 

“I love you, Nikolai.” you whispered, pressing your forehead against his.

“I love you more.” he smiled before pulling you both up and saying “We should go back to bed, tomorrow will be a long day with the announcement of Ravka’s queen-to-be.”

Translations:

☆ moi tsarevich = my prince

☆ moi tsar = my king

☆ moya tsaritsa = my queen

☆ moya lyubov’ = my love

☆ lapushka = darling, honey, sweety

Family’s Hard (Kristie Mewis x Reader)

Request: part 2 of the fic with Kristie that you post today! Maybe something with the r and Kristie both getting call for the national camp and we see a bit of what happen at camp with mal. pt 2. Maybe with both the reader and Kristine on the USENT roster and the fallout with Amal because of the reader being there. part 2 of the reader and mal meet up again joined by the team

Pt. One 

You had never been more unhappy while staring at a plate full of pancakes in your entire existence. You loved your typical practice meal (and your girlfriend of almost a year’s hand on your thigh while you ate it), but you weren’t enjoying the disapproving glare you were getting from across the table. She had been like this the moment you stepped off the plane, and you feared she wouldn’t stop until camp was over. 

It wasn’t like you decided to sit at this table to annoy Mal. Kristie wanted to sit with Sam, and you weren’t about to brave the dining room all by your little lonesome (plus you liked the team's Tower of Power and enjoyed watching the siblings banter).

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, pushing your chocolate chip pancakes around the plate, and keeping your eyes trained on your fork. 

“You ok?” Your girlfriend asked, her lips caressing your ear. You didn’t miss the way your older sister's nose scrunched at the looseness between you and the older midfielder. 

“Just tired. The flight from Houston was super long,” You mumbled, shrugging lightly. 

“You sure?” Kristie nudged your cheek with her nose and squeezed your thigh. You had been jittery since you left your shared apartment in Houston to head for camp and no amount of reassuring from your girlfriend seemed to be helping. 

“Psh. The flight home from France was exhausting, and then we had to get ready for good morning America. That was crazy, right Sammy?” Mal said with a wicked smile, completely cutting you off. Your mouth clicked shut and Kristie squeezed your thigh again (her jaw working overtime to prevent the scathing comment from leaving the tip of her tongue). 

Mal had been impossible since you stepped foot into the hotel the USWNT had commandeered for camp. She had swung between outright bitchy and underhanded reminders of Jill's preference of her over you all day and Kristie was getting sick of it. Your shoulders slouched a little more with every remark, every jab clouding over a little bit more of your sunshine. 

“That was pretty crazy,” Sam nodded, watching you and her sister carefully. She was trying to run as much interference as she could, but it seemed your sister wanted to make you as uncomfortable as possible. Almost like she was trying to drive you off the team. 

“Definitely not as crazy as that party right after we won. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much champagne in my entire life. Not even after we beat Texas,” Mal added, and you shivered at the memory, wilting under her glare. 

It was your freshman year (and coincidentally Mal’s senior year), and the first time the two of you had ever really played against each other. UCLA decimated your team and took over a frat house to celebrate. From what you heard, it was one of the biggest parties Texas A&M had ever seen. 

Kristie sighed, wrapping the arm that was on your leg around your back, rubbing soothing circles. You leaned into the touch, still playing with the food on your plate, trying to hold your tongue and not rise to Mal’s prodding. 

“From what I hear there was a lot of alcohol after Houston won the challenge cup,” Sam nodded, sharing a look with her sister and side-eyeing her friend. 

“That was just beer, Sammy. It wasn’t as classy because no one cares about an arbitrary chaos cup win, especially after we won the World Cup. It’s all about scale,” Mal continued, completely ignoring the glare Kristie had pointed at her, enjoying the way you were squirming in your chair. 

You shoved your plate away, giving up on eating. You didn’t want to be here. 

“I'm sure. I’m gonna go. The uniform staff wanted to see me anyway,” You mumbled, just loud enough for Kristie to hear you (or so you thought). 

Mal’s vicious smile grew. She just couldn’t seem to help herself when it came to you. You were always chasing after her, and this time she had done what you couldn’t. She wasn’t ready to give that up yet. 

“I’d tell you to switch names, but all I can suggest is to pick a number you can actually live up to,” She sneered. 

Your entire being froze and you blinked owlishly at your older sister (taking comfort in how Kristie's arm tightened around you). 13 had been your number since high school, but you knew that Alex was a vet and you weren’t stupid (or disrespectful) enough to even dream of trying to take it. You knew you would never be even close to the level of Alex Morgan. 

You had accepted that and Instead chosen a different number, one you were proud to wear. You had no control over the last name on your jersey (until Kristie and you decided you wanted to get married, if you wanted to get married, and that was still pretty far off). 

“Come on. They wanted to do a quick check-in with me too,” Kristie said, standing and dragging you with her out of the room, her eyes sending daggers towards your sister. She was done watching you collapse back into yourself. 

****

Sam stared at Mal’s Cheshire Cat grin, her mouth agape. She didn’t understand why your older sister was being like this, or how she could continue eating as though she didn’t just rip you apart. (And at this rate someone had to stop her before Kristie killed her). 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Sam said, leaning forward and resting both elbows on the table. 

Mal shrugged, taking another sip of her orange juice. “What? I’m just being realistic,”

If you didn’t want to hear stories about their triumph at the World Cup, or how awesome the party was afterward, you could just find yourself a new seat (and take your girlfriend with you- you always did have to outdo her). 

“You were a little harsh babe,” Rose said softly, patting the forward's hand. 

Sam scoffed loudly, shaking her head. “She practically crumbled under that last comment,”

It was painful to watch your shy bean self withdraw back into the shell her sister worked so hard to crack. Even if you had Kristie here to support you, she wasn’t sure how long you would last without bursting into tears or getting into a screaming match with your sister. You were under enough pressure as it was. 

“She’s just overly sensitive. If she wants to play in the big leagues she’s going to have to learn to stand up for herself,” Mal rolled her eyes. 

It was a going joke in your family that Mal got the brains and beauty, while you just got the leftover emotions. Ever since you were kids, she had been the extroverted one saving you from bullies and being the “good example” that her parents wanted her to be. But this was her thing, and she didn’t want you horning in on it. (It was also a slight protective instinct too. She would rather be the one giving you shit than the media. They were ruthless and you would probably never forgive her. The road to hell was paved with good intentions after all.)

Sam sighed, taking in how Mal’s eyes tighten just a touch beneath her nonchalance. As much as she wanted to pretend she didn’t care about you, it was obvious that she did. The questions now were if she was willing to have a change of attitude and if she would even be able to repair the damage she had already done. 

“Just be careful with how far you push her, alright?” Sam said thoughtfully. 

Mal rolled her eyes again, any care she may have felt disappearing. “I know what I’m doing Sam,” 

“I really hope you do, because I remember what it was like to always be trying to live up to your older sister and how difficult that was. And Kristie knew when to cut me some slack,” Sam said, raising her eyebrow at the younger woman. 

She really hoped she could get through to her before Mal lost you, and Kristie kicked her head off. 

*****

You sighed into Kristie's lips, enjoying the way her hips pinned you to the wall and her tongue explored your mouth. You weren’t one for public displays of affection, but she had dragged you into an abandoned corner of the hotel after your sister's clear display of disdain. 

You guessed an upside to being at camp with Mal was your girlfriend's desire to cheer you up. You always responded better to physical contact (which was why Kristie used it to help you calm down all the time). 

You hummed as the hands under your shirt made their way up to cup your cheeks, her fingers tangling in the baby hairs at the back of your neck. She let the kiss continue for another minute, before pulling back, so her lips were just barely ghosting over your own and your foreheads were touching. 

You futilely tried to push off the wall and chase her lips, only for her to chuckle and pull back so you couldn’t reach, keeping you pinned with her hips. 

“Ah, no more kisses until you say it,” She mumbled, her breath fanning across your lips. 

You whined. You loved how supportive Kristie was, but you didn’t want to do this right now. You didn’t want to go through your normal reaffirmation routine. Not after the shots, Mal had taken at you. 

“But-“

Kristie chucked at the keening whine again, shaking her head (both at how adorable your pout was and because she was standing her ground). She learned a long time ago that the best way to stop your mental spiraling was for you to say how worth it you were. “No buts. To get what you want you gotta say it,” 

You huffed, I ally opening your eyes to look into Kristie’s determined blue. She raised her eyebrow at you. 

“I’m an amazing person, no matter what anyone says,” You mumbled, looking away from your girlfriend. She hummed, using her thumb to tilt your chin back up. 

“And?” She asked, a smile playing on her lips. Your pout deepened. You were set to start and Mal had made you feel bad about it. Now Kristie was trying to get you to admit that you deserved the opportunity. 

The two of you stared at each other for a long minute, and you debated in trying to get back to the kissing again, to not say the last part of your mantra. Kristie's thumb ran soothingly over your cheek as if she was reading your mind. “Come on babe,” she said softly. 

You bit your lip, finally giving in. “I shouldn’t feel guilty about opportunities I receive,”

“Good,” Kristie smiled, leaning back in to connect your lips. You smiled back into the kiss. Maybe things weren’t so bad if you got this treatment after your sister was mean to you, even if Kristie was trying to get you to finally confront her about her behavior. “And for the record, you can always say you’ll have a cooler last name later,” 

*****

This was getting out of hand. Very out of hand. You hit the ground again, your face scraping against the turf after another bad tackle. You groaned, pushing yourself up off the turf and brushing yourself off, ignoring the hand of the defender in front of you in favor of taking the hand your girlfriend offered. 

Kristie glared at the blond defender, very pissed off that she was pushing you so hard. “Fucking watch it Sonnett, another tackle like that and I’ll beat your ass myself,” Your girlfriend growled, brushing a stray piece of turf off your back. 

Emily shrugged, awkwardly scratching the back of her neck. “Just trying to test the Rookie. Need to make sure she can handle a little pressure,” 

She liked you, but with the pressure, Mal was putting n you, she thought that they were all going to go hard. To show you exactly how difficult this game could be and how much you needed to work to be on their level. 

“I think Mal is doing enough of that on her own,” Kristie raised her eyebrow at the woman, still rubbing the turf off your back and cringing at the new burn. If this hadn’t been a teammate’s doing, she probably would have killed them by now. Ripped them limb from limb for touching you, but you didn’t need that. You needed her support and not her overprotectiveness. 

“She actually needs to be able to play against Canada,” Sam said, patting her back. Emily shook her head. Mal was right. She would rather be the one to go hard on you and prepare you than some random defender who didn’t care at all. 

As far as she was concerned, Mal’s plan was still in effect and you were going to have to pull some trick to get past her again. 

****

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Kristie threaded a ball through the gap between Becky and Julie, straight to you. You turned, taking advantage of the gap in the backline, dribbling across to try and get a clear shot. 

You didn’t see that gap collapsing. You didn’t see Emily and Midge racing towards you until it was too late. There was a loud crunch as you were caught between the two defenders, and tumbled to the ground. 

The reaction from the rest of the team was instant. Kristie raced over, followed closely by Sam. Both women kneeling down next to you, trying to get you to roll over. It seemed that another blue blur was already laying into the two defenders. 

“Lay the fuck off my sister,” Mal yelled, shoving Sonnett back from where her shifting form was standing over you. 

Emily held her hands up in defense, stumbling away from you. “I’m just trying to keep the intensity up, exactly like you are,” 

Mal growled audibly, stepping up to the taller defender and wrapping her fist into her shirt. “It’s different. She’s my sister and I’m the only one who gets to fuck with her. Got it,” she said her voice deadly calm. 

Emily nodded rapidly, her eyes wide as Mal straightened her shirt, patting her shoulder. Emily backed away slowly, her hands still extended, terrified that Mal (and your girlfriend) would decide to actually kill her. 

Mal nodded once the offending defenders were far enough away from you, before turning in your direction. 

You were finally on your feet, shifting awkwardly and rubbing the back of your neck. 

“Thanks,” You mumbled as she approached. 

She smiled, pulling you into a very strange hug.“You got it, kid. I love you, even if you’re not as good as me yet,”

She let you go and winked. You smiled and trotted off back to your position, warmth filling you. Sure you weren’t on the best terms, but you were sisters and the act was like a white flag. A truce. 

Kristie caught Mal’s arms as she passed. “Learn to lay off a little bit. I don’t want to have to hurt you,”

Mal nodded. You were family mad the only one who got to mess with you was her. She would kill anyone else who tried and she was glad you had gained two protectors. 

Before Rewrite - Hades

*Spoilers for D3 rewrite~!!!! takes place from when Hades gets to the isle to the scene where Mal takes the ember from Hades!*

=

Hades cursed the rulers of Auradon every hour of every day for putting him on this wretched isle of filth and trash. He was a god! The god of the undead, the underworld! He was a crucial player in the mortal's circle of life; without him, there would be no place for souls to go, Thanatos would harvest them but with no one to claim them; they would wander around the lands forever.

He could already sense the disturbed souls, miserably watching their families walk by, or through them. All alone with no one to turn to and nowhere to go.

He had only been here for two weeks and he was already sick of it; he may have never liked it but his job was important and he needed to get back to work

-

Two weeks and four days…that's all it took for the gods to replace him. He didn’t know who it was but they seemed to know what they were doing, claiming souls so fast Hades could hardly sense when one had left the mortal world to live in the underworld.

Hades perked up at the sound of crying

Oh, Hadie.

He turned on his heel and speed over to the makeshift crib of his son, rubbing the top of his fuzzy blue hair and picking him up; gently rocking him as Hadie continued to cry, Hades didn’t know from what but he would try to find out.

-

Like the little god he was, Hadie unexpectedly thrived on the barren isle of the lost; with what little food he got and with little sun, Hadie grew quickly and strong. At four years old he was already growing into his namesake; though Hades couldn’t ever resist being a dad over his little gap tooth in the middle of his teeth.

Hades just wished Persephone could see Hadie grow, and Hades wished he could see his little flower, Melinoe, grow into the headstrong warrior she was meant to be.

-

Whaaaaaaaat the fuck did he do….what in the actual fuck did he DO?!

He had stupidly gotten black out drunk at Gaston’s bar and somehow ended up with Maleficent! Of all people on the isle?! No-not out of all people, just with someone in general!?

He had prided himself in being the most loyal husband of his brothers, Zeus who had slept with a woman every time Hera blinked, and Poseidon; who wasn’t any better.

Hades had always been loyal and true to his wife…well there were those two times BUT compared to his brothers; he was loyal.

AND NOW HE HAD TO GO AND FUCK UP THAT STREAK; over 1000 years, 1000 years! And some bad whiskey had to ruin it.

He left that bed without a word, rushing home to his 4-year-old son who luckily hadn’t woken up yet from his sleep; and Hades swore if nothing came from that mistake, Hadie would never know about it.

-

Welp…that was something that came from the mistake. 11 months after the incident with Maleficent-

-There, right in front of his gates to his underground lair; was a little baby girl, halfheartedly swaddled in a green blanket and set at his gate, a little note taped to the front.

‘your problem now -M’

Hades leaned out of the gates, looking around for any goblins or any sign of the mistress of evil herself. But there was nothing. Hades sighed and crouched down, gently picking up the baby girl and holding him to his chest, her cries quieting as her cheek pressed against the fabric of his shirt.

She opened her eyes, vivid green with sparks of gold and yellow. She laughed, reaching up to his hair with a gummy smile. Hades sighed again and turned on his heel, closing the gate with his foot.

At least he got another chance at raising his daughter, and he would do his best to do as he would’ve with Melinoe.

-

Hadie had asked a billion questions when Hades placed the new baby in Hades old crib, leaning over and peering down at his little sister. Hades had explained it the best way he knew how to a child; but Hadie miraculously understood, didn’t blame him. All he did was reach down towards his sister and grin as the baby took his finger.

“I like her! Are we keeping her?” Hadie had asked, his gap tooth making his little grin seem even bigger.

“she's not a dog Hadie, but yes that’s the plan. I don’t think her mother’s coming back.” Hades rubbed Hadie’s fluffy blue hair and then reached out to rub his daughter's bluish-purple hair gently, her two-month-old hair curling around his fingers.

“What's her name?” Hadie continued to babble off questions, his yellow eyes staring directly into his sister's emerald eyes.

Hades thought for a moment, pursing his lips as he looked at the note and turned it over. Nothing other than Maleficent's writing and initial. Either the fae hadn’t given the baby a name or didn’t care enough to tell him.

“Morana“ the pagan Slavic goddess of winter and death; he had met or once or twice, not enough to know her but the name matched the baby girl before him well enough. (in this world, gods of all religions/beliefs exist in the same universe, they usually keep to themselves and rarely interact.)

Hadie repeated the name, pulling his finger around with Morana still holding onto him. “I like it!”

-

Three months later, Maleficent returned and took Morana from him; not even letting him give her a damn thing to remember him by. “I need an heir, that evil queens been bragging about her little rat and I won't let her get the upper hand with it” Hadie watched from behind Hades legs as the fae walked away with his little sister, her blue-purple hair stark against the black of Maleficent's sleeves.

Morana cried the entire time, reaching out for her father with tears streaming from her sparking yellow-green eyes, her face red with the flurry of confusing emotions she was feeling.

Hades took a step forward, going to take his daughter back but was stopped by Maleficent's goons, all glaring at him.

He was outmatched.

He stepped back, glaring at Maleficent's back as she took back their daughter she had abandoned so heartlessly three months ago.

-

Mal. That was her name now. He had heard many talk about the newly revealed daughter of evil; the daughter of Maleficent. Mal.

Hades clicked his jaw at the thought of her name, Maleficent had been shellfish and named her own daughter right after her; Hades would bet his stash of chocolate that Mal’s full name was just Maleficent.

At least Hades had been original.

-

Throughout the next couple of years, as Mora-Mal. Grew up, Hades kept out an eye on her; just out of sight from her and just barely stepping in if any of the older people of the isle, who had…less than ideal moral compasses, got any ideas about his daughter.

A few times he tried to go up to her, but each time she saw him she either ran away in fear, or stared him down with no spark of familiar want or recognition.

So he kept away, respecting her non-verbal wishes and leaving Mal to herself.

It didn’t stop him from trying to keep her safe. He left her food on the nights Maleficent or her goons forgot, never charged her when she came into his restaurant, was never harsh with her. Some of the other villains got curious at his gentleness with Mal but quickly shut up with a spark of red in his eyes. He might’ve lost his magic but he was still a god.

-

Hades watched from the shadows as Mal and her three ‘friends’ climbed into the limo, the son of Hook and son of Gaston climbing in alongside them. Mal looked up at Maleficent, who did an odd gesture and Mal nodded, sliding in and closing the limo door behind her.

He followed the limo all the way to the bridge, watching his daughter leave the isle for the first time and go to Auradon. If she didn’t end up burning it down; he hoped she would have a good life away from her mother.

-

Over three years later, his son was chosen to go the Auradon by his sister, and Hades watched melancholy as Hadie packed his things; fiddling with the dull ember between his fingers. Hadie hefted his bag over his shoulder and grabbed his duffle bag, nodding at his dad; who stood and walked over to his son “stay safe” Hades muttered, pulling Hadie in for a side hug, his hand resting on the back of Hadie’s head. “say hi to your mother and sister for me?” Hadie nodded against him, using his free arm to squeeze Hades back, and turned on his heel, walking out of the mines.

-

Only an hour later Hades stood at the bridge plaza, ember in hand; pointing it at his daughter, who cried out in pain against the embers draining powers. He pulled back as much as he could, he needed to get out; he just couldn't do it anymore, the isle was hell and he needed to leave.

Mal screamed in pain again and Hades faltered, remembering her cries for him when Maleficent took her oh so long ago. But the girl besides Hook took his falter and rushed at him, slamming him back behind the barrier and walking back through it a moment later.

Hades growled to himself, he had failed his attempted escape and hurt his kid. He stood and walked away from the plaza, planning to stay in his lair for the rest of the week in shame.

-

It was just the next day when he saw his kids again, Hadie and Celia standing in front of him; giving the excuse of a forgotten bass and some delivered goods. But Mal wasn’t as quiet as she should've been, he grabbed her hand just as she grabbed the ember and pulled it from her grip, staring her down behind his sunglasses.

She meekly asked for the ember multiple times, and on the third time, he raised his brow, holding up the ember in the air as he looked down at his daughter “You’re only half Hades, the ember won't do everything for you that it does for me” Mal huffed and gestured to Hadie.

“Hadie’s gonna be the one to use it anyway, I just wanted-to…” Mal looked up at him wide-eyed and shocked, and Hades had a startling realization that Mal might have not known about him at all.

After a few minutes of Mal screeching about her mother’s lies and her not being able to understand how ‘she’ happened, she demanded the ember once more “if you wanna make up for being a lousy dad” ouch that stung, he didn’t mean to be one; he just was forced into that position “gimme the ember”

Hades gave Mal the ember and watched her walk out, sighing sadly as he realized he could’ve been there for Mal a long time ago if not for his stupid assumption. He warned her about the ember getting wet and she just pushed past him, Hadie sharing one last glance with him before following after her.

Hades sighed, collapsing back in his minecart turned chair and leaning his head back. So much for respecting her wishes as a child, she hadn’t even known he existed as her dad.

-end-

people who i want to read this cuz ahhhh ya know? 

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So I'm rewatching the first season and reading the book, and I've got Thoughts (TM)

And I've got a LOT of thoughts about what exactly Leigh Bardugo was doing here in terms of the moral and ethical statements of the narrative, so I'm putting it under the cut.

Something that's really glaring on the rewatch is just...the complete lack of compassion every character outside Aleksander has for the plight of the Grisha. The army treats treats them with reciprocal dislike, despite the fact that they couldn't even cross the Fold with the Inferni or Squallers. The tsar and tsarita treat them with condescension and disdain, clearly valuing them mainly as a utility that, historically, they've happily turned on when they felt they were growing too powerful. Baghra has just given up on trying to protect other Grisha who aren't immortal like her or Aleksander. Even Alina is guilty of othering them and has to be told off by multiple characters (Ivan, Aleksander, Baghra) to stop treating her power like a yoke instead of a responsibility and opportunity to help others.

We get this big, bad, armor-piercing line from her to Aleksander about how he doesn't care who suffers as long as he wins. Which is true to some extent, but...where is her compassion? Didn't we just spend a hefty portion of the narrative wanting to give her power away to somebody else so she can, what, be with her bestie? Meanwhile, there's, you know, an actual war going on. This isn't small stakes shit she sees going on around her. People are dying. We literally have an entire plot where we see a Grisha kidnapped, enslaved, and then sent to be put to death...who was given to the enemy by her own people!

And then we get that line from her in 1x07, only to have it followed up by her running away at the end of 1x08 for....why? Most people on the ship are dead or those that survived weren't his supporters. The people on the docks were killed, and most of them actually were traitors trying to kill Alina. Aleksander didn't lie about that. So she's running away to take the blame for some nebulous reason that's not really well explained, which is...well, what the fuck happens to the rest of the Grisha? Do we not care about how Aleksander's actions are going to reflect back on them and cause a potential backlash or something? Not to mention, nobody is on the other side to warn them that Aleksander is a threat to begin with. Even if you assumed he was dead, you'd definitely want to assume he likely had supporters back at the palace, too!

From a character writing perspective, I find it stupid that Aleksander doesn't tell her certain things because if he's such a big, bad, clever manipulator, he would absolutely be weaponizing his own pain and experiences to make her stumble in empathy. That's bad character writing to me when you're telling me somebody's an abusive villain but actually isn't using very real and effective abuser tactics. But then you also have Alina who refuses to even point out...Aleksander, I get it! I've talked to other Grisha! I see what you're going through! But this can't be the answer. You have to see this won't end well for you! Like, her own arguments make no sense to me. They're so myopic and self-involved.

One of the big things that bothers me that gets folded into Aleksander's other manipulations is this idea that he primarily associates and values her for her power, in contrast to Mal who primarily sees her for being herself. While I get the intent of that on a narrative level, in the scope of the wider story...it just literally makes no sense for Aleksander to parse those two as separate. Not when the whole reason Grisha are hunted down and killed is because they don't get the privilege of being people outside of their power. Aleksander doesn't get to be General Kirigan without also being the Darkling. Therefore, Alina doesn't get to be Sankta Alina without also being the Sun Summoner. Not a single other character gets to be relevant without being powerful.

Even on a narrative level, it makes no sense. One, it's frankly kind of sexist (when are male protagonists ever expected to be segregated from their power) and two...that's the whole reason we're telling her story! That's why she's the protagonist! She is special. She can't be separated from this unique power destiny has handed her. We don't tell stories about common, boring people; we tell stories about people who incite conflict or change. So even the mere concept to me of basing a character's identity or value around not wanting value is frankly kind of ridiculous.

There's just this strangely insidious underpinning to the story that power is inherently dangerous, even as it acknowledges that people who are NOT in power can very much suffer at the hands of those who do. So where's the moral and ethical reflection about what this means for the rest of us? What does that mean for minorities?

Think of the scene on the boat where Aleksander has Ivan kill off the nobility. The narrative wants you to see this moment as blackly humorous and awful, but stop for a moment and think about what happened there from his perspective. This is a man who spent centuries watching his people get killed and enslaved, and that isn't a false representation or manipulation from him, either. His statement is backed up both by what we see in the flashbacks and by other Grisha. Nobody created a safe haven for him and his people - he did that! He had to claw his way to the top, flatter, kill, and fuck his way through god knows how many noble houses, just to get to this moment where he could build a Little Palace. And it took him four hundred years just to get that! All while Grisha are dying!

And nobody did anything about it. Not the king, not the landholders, not even the peasantry. They were happy taking advantage of the Grisha's powers, of course, when Aleksander helped raise them up into a position of prominence, making them soldiers and enchanters. And even then, they're mocked! The army can't wait to get rid of them!

And then some noblewoman, who has enjoyed the benefits of her wealth and power, some of which were built on the backs of your people, sits there and tells you, the moment you take hold of the power everybody else has been grabbing for centuries, has the audacity to sit there and tell you that the world will hate Grisha and view him as a heretic?? When less than twenty years ago, your people were being killed right and left? When the enemy is still kidnapping and enslaving your people? When your own countrymen view you with fear and intrigue already? The audacity to sit there and frame it as a hypothetical when it's very much an actual reality still going on. Just look at the barely hidden seething rage and contempt on Barnes face when he delivers that quip about "needing to do that speech again." Motherfucker has been waiting YEARS for this moment, this revenge. And really, who can blame him...if you aren't wrapped up in the narrative wanting you to focus on just what he's doing to poor Alina.

The way the Grisha's situation is framed along with how the Darkling's descent into villainy is handled is so just incongruent to me. The pieces don't fit. You're asking me to see this man as completely irredeemable after you just showed me six episodes of Grisha being killed both for being what they are in the hopes of protecting Alina, after you showed me that Aleksander had already TRIED appealing to the protection of the crown by lending it his power, after making us see that lies and manipulation are the only way he and his mother have been able to survive as long as they have in a world that eradicated them. Where is the compassion in the narrative for that?

And okay, fine, you can do an irredeemable villain. You can do a Kilmonger-esque story with the Darkling, but that requires forcing your protagonists to empathize with the villain and change from it. But then I read ahead and...that doesn't happen?? She winds up walking away from it all at the end?? In fact, she even loses her power. And that's supposed to be a HAPPY ending? After we just saw how badly this minority was treated for how many centuries??

You know what it feels like? It feels like Leigh Bardugo read The Hunger Games, tried to replicate a Katniss, and then completely failed to understand the profound situational differences between her protagonist and that one. Katniss is a girl made extraordinary by her circumstances. She's not special herself other than the fact that she did the right thing at the right place at the right time and helped create the tipping point for a revolution that was already in the works before her. Katniss walking away from the world after makes sense because she's burned out after the war, but it also got its use from her. She helped make the revolution work; she showed up for the event while it was happening and did what she could. The situation was out of her control and power for the most part, and she still managed to rise the occasion.

Alina is NOT Katniss. She is inherently special. She is inherently powerful. She has the ability to create change and bring a new perspective that Aleksander has long given up on and which her country desperately needs. We know the world of the Hunger Games will be better because the creators of real change were always working behind the scenes behind Katniss. She was just their propaganda, their symbol. Alina is a symbol, but she is also a very real power. It's not an act of moral celebration for her to walk away from power at the end, namely because there's a whole minority class of people we still have to worry about. Putting a Grisha on the throne is no promise the country won't turn against them eventually, nor does that protect the hundreds of Grisha at the mercy of a superstitious peasantry and countries that will likely continue to invade them.

It's just...I dunno guys. It's frustrating because all the compelling elements are there in the characters and storyline, but it's like the author had a set of characters telling one story and then she had an entirely different plot in mind, and they just clash all over the place for me and become thematically inconsistent. But what really gets me is that she had seven years to think this shit over...and we're looking to get the same story all over again. Usually, it's a great thing to have an author involved in the show. This is a rare situation where I wonder if it hurts the chances of it improving.