#and it makes me feel so shitty because i feel needy and clingy
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I love that she was like I'm going to try really hard to win you back and now she's saying everything has to be on my terms, all contact, everything, and it's just showing me even more how little she cares. Or maybe she does and she's just doesn't realise what she's doing, and she thinks she's giving me space but in reality it just feels like she's putting in even less effort now
#I'm torn between two options now and one is very petty#don't message her and see how long it takes for her to message me#or#message her and explain what isn't working and see if we can fix it#help haha#her texting is so dry at the moment as well it's actually painful#and it makes me feel so shitty because i feel needy and clingy#delete later
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— 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘮 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴
the lowdown — the one where neteyam is shackled by appearances, but you couldn’t care less.
the who — neteyam x fem omatikaya!reader
the word count — 2.2k
the tags & warnings — language ,, misunderstandings (i love this trope and this is a hill i’ll die on i’m SORRY) ,, neteyam’s friends can be shitty, but mean well ,, reader just wants to love up on her boy :(
the notes — based off of this request! this is another addition to my neteyam content, but ik some of you guys are itching for some other characters, so i'm probably gonna steer in another direction & write for kiri & tsireya so if that interests you, stay tuned! <3
(not proofread well lmao)
masterlist
Neteyam is many things; a kind spirit, a fierce warrior, a loving brother, a diligent son. But Neteyam is also new to love. Not quite new to being in love, but learning the act of loving you.
He’d found so many ways to express his heart’s desire; written notes on scraps, gentle smiles, searing eyes. It was one thing in particular, though, that made his mouth dry, made his brain nearly short circuit, and it was your need to be in his space.
Even after many days that bleed into weeks and meld into months, you make his cheeks warm with every lingering pass of your fingertips, make his stomach knot with every fluttering kiss to his skin.
It’d been a pleasant surprise at first, but now it was a need, an absolute necessity to have you fused to him like a second skin. Your touch was a tacit word and he was learning to speak your language.
The two of you together was normalcy and the clan members were more than delighted to know that the olo’eyktan’s son was lucky in love. But there were teasing whispers, lilting voices in the background that made something uncomfortable pinch the back of his brain.
His skin would light up with equal parts want and embarrassment when you’d hang loosely around him during evening meals and the villagers his age would giggle and murmur behind their palms about the two of you. Didn’t help that you were an oblivious thing, or maybe you didn’t care, when you’d hold his hand in your own, occasionally bringing his fingertips to your lips during casual conversation.
And he didn’t mind loving you endlessly when you were just two souls enjoying each other, but he can’t help but tense when his eyes wander and he sees watchful gazes.
“Mighty warrior is a needy one, huh?”
His friends, comrades since childhood, surround him on a sunny afternoon. Neteyam pauses his actions, arrow in the midst of a sharpening.
His spine goes rigid and his eyes narrow.
“What are you on about?” he asks, jaw locking.
“Even in the moments you aren’t with her, you’re thinking about her,” his friend Marin says with a shiteating grin.
“Don’t even,” Neteyam warns, eyes rolling as he continues with sharpening his arrows.
“Oh, come on,” another one of his friends guffaws, twining a new bow string. “You haven’t said a word since we sat down.”
And he wishes he could form a solid argument, but you are on his mind, all-consuming as always. Can’t help it when he’s pined after you for years and only recently found the courage to act on his heart.
“Maybe I just don’t want to engage with you assholes,” Neteyam bites, fist tightening around his dagger.
“Yeah, because if you open your mouth, all you’ll be able to talk about is my girl this and my girl that,” Marin teases. “Who knew future olo’eyktan was so clingy.”
“Yeah, like it’s me who’s clingy,” he grunts, resuming the task at hand with much more fervor.
“Is it not?” Marin challenges. “Oh, ________, my love, look at these flowers I picked for you.”
The blood is rushing to his ears as his friends howl with laughter.
“Syulang, I wrote you twelve pages declaring my love even though we’ve seen each other thrice since last eclipse.” The taunting makes him seethe, makes the feeling of discomfort surface all over again and the words are spilling before he can plug the dam.
“Of course it’s not me,” Neteyam scoffs. “I keep my composure, but it’s her that insists on constantly reminding the village that we’re together. If I had it my way, nothing would have changed from when we were friends.”
It’s a lie and he knows it, his friends know it. But you, you who staggers outside of the training circle at the sound of multiple voices don’t know it.
It’s like a swift strike to the gut, one that squashes every butterfly that tickled the lining of your stomach on your way to fetch the very man who’d held your heart and crushed it all the same.
Your satchel, heavy with fruits and snacks for after your evening swim with Neteyam, weighs heavy across your front as you debate whether or not you should be listening to a conversation that is obviously not meant for your ear. But it’s like you’re rooted to the soil beneath you.
“Yeah, okay,” Marin chuffs, obviously not convinced. “If you’re so bothered by your dynamic now, there isn’t any reason why you wouldn’t say anything. She’s your second skin and you love it.”
He does, he thinks to himself.
Of course he doesn’t, you realize, horrified, the thousand and one times your hands would find his body and he’d tense or shy away replaying like a horror reel in your brain.
“I potentially hold the future of this clan in my hands,” Neteyam says. “It is my duty to endure all things whether or not I enjoy it.”
It’s like you’re doused with water so cold at the violent shiver that shakes your spine.
Just another thing to endure, you mull over in your brain as the barge of emotions brims dangerously near the surface.
You break from the edge of the clearing and you’re off.
Something is off.
And Neteyam is ashamed to admit that it takes him obnoxiously long to notice. Maybe it’s because he’s caught up in his duties, or maybe for once in his life, he isn’t worrying about meddlesome gazing, but the shift is imperceptible.
You’re still you, so aching beautiful and devastatingly radiant, but something is different. He doesn’t pinpoint it until he’s bidding you a farewell, leaning into your space to plant a kiss on your lips when you ease away to beam at him nervously instead.
His brows furrow when you wave, breaking away from him to scurry home.
He thinks it’s a one off, something he shouldn’t read too much into, but he can’t help it. Not when he’s so used to your touch, so used to feeling the pads of your fingers denting his skin and the scald of your lips.
He tries again a few nights later, after finally getting you alone. He’d been busy assisting his father in planning a raid at the end of the month and you were busy trying to put as much distance between the two of you.
“You’re awfully quiet, bug,” Neteyam observes softly, chin dipping under the water as he swims closer to where you float on the surface, eyes closed.
You only hum, pleading silently that he’ll let it pass. But when his fingers skim your navel, you’re jerking away from him, settling so that a berth of glittering blue separates the two of you.
He forces a laugh, wading closer to you as you seemingly shrink.
“What’s wrong?” he asks when he sees something like discomfort flitting over your expression, concern eclipsing his features as he reaches forward to grab you by your arm.
“Nothing…” you swallow, staring at the rounded stones beaded through the necklace you made him early on in your budding relationship.
He doesn’t buy it, tilting your chin up with deft fingers.
“Hey, hey,” he says softly, searching your face for a tell. “Talk to me.”
“Nothing,” you breathe, peeling away from him to wade back towards the embankment. “It’s nothing.”
He watches as you hoist yourself up from the river, heart in his throat.
He cracks when the others seem to notice, slowly catching onto the fact that the usually doting and loving partner of the olo’eyktan’s son is surprisingly distant. It’s during an evening meal, villagers surrounding the multiple fires, when it comes to a head.
There’s an unusual space between your bodies as you chat with Kiri and a few others and he can’t help but close the gap as something akin to desperation washes over him. His fingers brush the span of your shoulders to pull you into his chest, lips a hairsbreadth from your temple before your palm snakes between your bodies and plants on his chest to nudge him away.
He bites the inside of his cheek in annoyance as Marin and his other friends share knowing glances.
While he boils silently, you ache to tell him that you don’t mean it, that there’s nothing more you’d want than to spend every waking moment in his arms, but that day in the clearing is a humiliating reminder that Neteyam is shackled to his honor and if it means making you happy despite his discomfort, he’d endure it all.
You hate it, hate that he’d let you feel like things were alright leading up to this moment, that he’d suffer at the expense of mocking and badgering from his friends. Makes you feel embarrassed, sorry, that you’d read the two of you all wrong.
You feel his fingers inching towards yours, pinkie overlapping with yours. Your hands involuntarily close into fists and that’s all it takes for Neteyam to shoot up from his perch on the log and take you by the elbow.
There’s a hush as his friends and yours watch the two of you part ways with the group, the nearly feral look in their leader’s son suggestively mistaken.
“Why won’t you touch me?” Neteyam asks fiercely, once enough distance lies between the two of you and the rest of the clan.
His words make your cheeks warm, but he looks troubled, hurt.
“I-”
“Did I do something to disgust you? Did I…”
His words melt into the background as you watch him with teary eyes.
“You don’t have to pretend with me, Teyam,” you whisper. “You can tell me the truth. I’m a big girl.”
“What are you talking about?” he asks, frustrated. “You’re the one hiding something. These past few weeks I’ve been trying to be with you, trying to love you and you keep pushing me away.”
A twinge of annoyance erupts in the pit of your belly as you frown.
“That’s rich coming from you,” you murmur hoarsely.
“I’m so lost right now, ________,” he admits desperately. “We were fine, everything was great, and suddenly I feel like I’m losing you. Did I do something? Are you–”
“Just be honest with me!” you cry out. “Why do you have to put on this front all the time? It’s just me, Neteyam! If I overwhelm you, if I embarrass you, just say it! It hurts worse when you act like it’s nothing.”
And Christ, his friends were right. He is needy. Because you’re not a want but a lifeline. A dire necessity that he feels the need to cling to in this moment. This feels a lot like you two are splintering, and he’s about to open his mouth to ask what would compel you to say such a thing, but then it clicks.
The final piece of the puzzle that he’d been agonizing over falls into place and his eyes are widening.
“No,” he says vehemently. “That wasn’t–”
“Is it not?” you cut him off as you dash the threatening tears away.
“God, no,” he breathes. “I was– They were…”
You watch him with wet lashes and his heart aches as he takes the leap and pulls you into his chest with a shuddering breath.
“I’m so stupid.” His chest rumbles as your ear presses to his heart, arms winding tightly around your figure to buoy you to place. “Fuck.”
You hiccup and his hand cradles your head, peppering kisses against your hair as he sways your bodies like it’ll disorient the miscommunication and send it spiraling away.
“I’m sorry,” you whimper. “I didn’t mean to be embarrassing. I–”
“No, no, bug,” he swallows, hugging you so tight, you struggle to suck a breath into your lungs. “You’re not, I promise. I could never be embarrassed by you.”
You shudder so hard his grip loosens, parting with you to cup your flushed cheeks in his hands.
“They were ripping me a new one,” he says shakily. “Told me I was needy, clingy, and I was embarrassed because they’re right.”
Your throat bobs and Neteyam’s thumb brushes over the apple of your cheeks.
“You make me so weak, you don’t even understand,” he laughs humorlessly, body wracked with nerves, with want, with need. “I said it to save face because I never know what to do with myself around you.”
“You—”
“And I know it was wrong, talking out of my ass to get them to shut the fuck up,” his language is a crass reminder that he’s a former marine’s son, “but I don’t think I’ll ever get used to being yours.”
Yours.
It’s a sound declaration, one that makes you crumple like a baby because you’ve missed your person, and Neteyam hugs you close again.
“I’m sorry I’m so clueless sometimes, bug,” he whispers, cheek nuzzling the top of your head. “Love you more than anything, I mean it.”
You hiccup again.
“Love you, too, stupid” you mumble, arms wrapping around the narrow of his waist.
It’s your first meaningful touch in weeks and Neteyam melts under the heat of your body, under the heat of your warm hands.
neng © 2023
taglist; @nao-cchi , @jkiminpark , @philiasoul @amart-e , @s-u-t , @netesbby , @tayswiftlovebot , @dumb-fawkin-bitch , @ewackmn , @fanboyluvr , @neteyamoa , @itssiaaax , @girlpostingsposts , @athenachu
#neteyam drabble#neteyam fic#neteyam x reader#neteyam sully#neteyam#avatar way of water#avatar#avatar the movie#avatar the way of water#atwow
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I characterize dazai as a womanizer, someone with a lot of flings who professes his love early and often but doesnt actually know what love is. He has never actually trusted anyone he has been in a relationship with, and they have always been a means to an end. So when people write about his s/o i imagine that it is the first time he has fallen in love and after everything he has endured and done he falls incredibly hard. Its not that you have erased his nightmares or brightened his days, its that you join him in his darkness and hold his hand. You dont get rid of his fucked-upness, you bring out the parts that are good. you make him feel human again. He tried to be traditionally romantic like he is too chipper in public and gloomy in private to make it stick. He is clingy and surprisingly tender. For the first time he actually wants his cheek held and his back scratched because its his s/o doing it. He would show the real him around his s/o, someone quiet and sentimental who mopes around his apartment with all the lights off. This vulnerability is something only oda saw. Dazai is incredibly dedicated and listens to everything you say (but he will complain). His trust in you would have to be reinforced constantly because hes always on edge. Listening to his cryptic requests and giving him space makes him trust you. Like a weird stray cat. Unfortunately his affection would make him paranoid that you would be hurt, so then he would go no contact and avoid you at all costs- or hell even manipulating your life to somehow get you living out of country. Or he holds on tighter and a bunch of special security rules and rituals follow. The first option is more likely at first but as soon as ur like "wont that russian guy just torture and kill me tho :/" he realizes that the one thing his shitty evil life was good for is keeping you safe. He appreciates you sticking with him, when he sees you after work (or even during when you visit him) he is kissing your hands and then your lips. He has memorized all your favorites and picks up treats for you. If it is necessary for your protection he will take the seat as the head of the port mafia. If you want to, he can make it so you both disappear off the face of the earth and live out your days on a remote island. Thankfully the ada is aware of his dedication and happily provides you a handpicked security detail
Ooooooh that is a very good take. It would also lend itself very well to him going yandere!
But yes I imagine if he's actually into you you're going to have to be very patient. Sometimes he doesn't talk all day, sometimes it's a fight to get him to eat or sleep instead of wandering around the city like a ghost or sitting in his room for hours. Remembers everything about you, all the little things you mention in passing. Also very clingy bc he's absolutely touch starved, so when he finds someone who he can touch without his whole body recoiling it's over for you. Think "scratching at the bathroom door while you try to piss" levels of clingy and needy. But other days he won't even look at you, too lost in himself. So yes, exactly like a scruffy, traumatized cat you fished out of the dumpster.
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Home - Idol!Jisung x Fem Reader
A/N: just a lil something for my Jisung stan friend that's dealing with some hardships at work 🥺 and for everyone else that's having a hard time
Warnings: anxiety, toxic work culture (I'm sorry if you have to go through this, no one deserves it), slight angst
[2:15 AM] - You hated it. You hate the amount of shitty work you had to go through. The amount of revisions that you had to do on top of the amount of work that your boss throw at you. You hate that you were miles away from your idol boyfriend. That the two of you barely had any time to even schedule a catch-up call when you would always do it; well, technically, you were the one that always schedule it.
What’s worse is that your so-called boyfriend didn’t even ask much about why you didn’t schedule your weekly calls or even text as much as you used to. The amount of comments your boss gave you, your boyfriend not even making the effort to talk to you, your over-thinking self started to make you doubt yourself, doubt about your relationship, about everything in life.
You were so close to going through your 7th mental breakdown of the week until you heard your door being unlocked. With everything going on, your paranoid self became even more aware of your surroundings, always making up the worst-case possible scenarios.
Grabbing whatever “weapon” was close to you, you turned off all the lights and walked over towards the door, hiding in the nearest hiding spot to make sure that you were out of sight when someone comes in.
Right when the door was opened, you managed to get a glance at a mysterious shadow. After they closed the door and took several steps ahead of your hiding spot, you sneakily walked towards the person, ready to knock them out with whatever you had in hand but right as you were about to hit them, they turned around and held the weapon.
“(Y/N)? Woah. It’s me, Jisung. Hey, hey, I’m not here to hurt you. What happened? Did someone break in? D-did you think I’d break in? You gave me the spare key, remember?” Jisung defended himself as you slowly let go of the weapon
“J-jisung?! Ya!! H-how could you sneak up like that!! Even if I gave you the spare key, you should at least give me a heads up first, pabo!!” you cried out, letting all the emotions you’ve been feeling out, dropping to the floor, Jisung immediately catch you and held you close
“H-hey. What’s wrong? Tell me. I, I know that I haven’t been catching up with you as much as either one of us probably like and I’m sorry. It’s, it’s unfair that I’m able to do Instagram live several of times during the night but hardly call you. I know I’ve been the crapiest boyfriend but I really do care. You don’t have to tell me everything now but I’m here. It took a lot but I finally convinced my manager to let me spend time with you. That’s why I wanted to come and not say anything. I wanted to surprise you. But it looks like I made you sad again” Jisung cooed at you, wiping your tears with his thumb
“I, I don’t hate you, sung. I’m just, tired. I was worried that you might’ve gotten bored at me. That you were tired at me, at my clingy self. Being all needy towards you. To top it off, there were just so many things going on at work, my, my boss made some awful comments and I have to get most of it done before next week and I’m barely halfway done. Sorry, rambling again” you sniffled, feeling Jisung stroking your head then cupping your cheeks, making you look at him
“Hey. I would never get tired or bored of you. Yes, we have to go through this long-distance relationship for a long time but I would never forget about you. You’re the one that helped me go through those tough times, you were the one that always bring my comfort and warmth even when I don’t say it. You’re my home, okay? I’m the one that’s scared of losing you. That because I’m always on the go and busy, that I only update the simplest things like I’m awake, I’ve eaten, I’m going somewhere. I thought that you would give up on me” Jisung sniffled, holding his tears back
“Jisung-a….I’m tired, yes. But not at you. I’m happy that you’re healthy, that you’re striving. I’m just scared that I couldn’t catch up to you” you replied, now wiping Jisung’s tears away
“Aniyo. You don’t have to catch up to me because I’m the one that’ll take a step back. Starting now. Let me make up to you for all the times that I couldn’t. I’m staying, for a month. I want to catch up on all the things that you were doing. Let’s take baby steps, okay?” Jisung breathed out, the two of you smiling together and giggling
“Yeah. I’d like that, Jisung. You know that you’re my home too, right?” you replied, Jisung giving you the softest yet shy look, just like he did when he first confessed
“I know.” Jisung smiled back. “Now. About that boss that made awful comments…” Jisung growled
A/N: I know that I've been MIA, like a month of not posting anything?! Damn, who am I?! But in all honesty, I've been quite busy because I now have a full-time job!! (after one year of uncertainty). My workplace is quite chill and everyone has been lovely but because I work from office, I barely had time to not think about anything except for work. Heck, I haven't really been making any random scenarios even for myself T^T, reality really hits that hard doesn't it? Well, this is dedicated to everyone who has been feeling burned out and struggling with uncertainties. I wish you all well and hope everything will turn out well!!
On a side note, your girl managed to get tickets to The Link NCT 127 and I'm seeing them in 3 weeks 🥹 Good luck to me standing for 3 hours later during the concert but I'm so excited because this will be my first ever concert T^T Anyways, stay safe, I wish you all the best and hope that you get to experience the little good things in life :) xoxo Vinet
#nct#nct scenarios#nct imagines#nct dream#nct dream scenarios#nct dream imagines#nct jisung#nct dream jisung#nct x reader#nct dream x reader#nct park jisung#park jisung#park jisung x reader#park jisung imagines#park jisung scenarios#jisung scenarios#jisung imagines#jisung x reader#jisung angst#nct angst
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Phew
Firstly let me start by saying, the FF16 roleplayers have been some of the kindest and most welcoming bunch I've seen in a long time. I am endlessly appreciative that yall have taken me in and shown me love. I am eternally grateful and it means more to me than you know.....
I've gotten so much done today but it still feels like I've done nothing. I'm very overwhelmed.
I was in the hospital Saturday night. Following admittance I had the biggest panic attack of my life. Thankfully I had a friend to talk me thru most of it and I'm ever so grateful. But I haven't felt right since then.
I didn't sleep Sat night or Sun night, I slept decently (5 hr) Monday, and last night I slept a good 8 hours for once. I had another big panic attack Monday night and called that same friend in a STATE. They helped me thru again, because they are an angel that I do not deserve.
I haven't been eating. I'm scared to sleep. I feel like shit. My anemia is really really bad lately for some reason? Like my levels were scary low and I've been taking iron like a good girl but I think it's causing issues.
My wrist has given me intermittent issues but nothing too troubling. Doc thinks it's carpal tunnel so I've been wearing a brace on and off but since that first initial flare up that required a steroid shot, I've been good. So maybe just a weird one time thing or some nerve issues from the dog bite wounds.
I've just been. Not entirely all here. I've been in a fog. I consistently don't feel good. I'm consistently fighting off very bad anxiety. I'm consistently starving but feel "too sick" to eat. I'm consistently just wanting to sleep.
Anyway. My point is.
If I've seemed over eager, clingy, needy, wanty, chatty, ect, I apologize greatly. I have been needy. I've been needy for distractions and to satiate my muses and to make friends. I am struggling so bad right now trying to deal with panic and anxiety and nightmares among some medical issues and I just,,,
I just wanna be here writing.
I was supposed to get moved out of my shitty dept at work and they had me set up to move and then took it from me. They intend to give me a title and a raise to keep me happy, which will be nice, but I really wanted out of this dept and it kind of broke my heart.
And I live alone. The closest person I have to me is about an hour and a half away.
So yeah,,, if I'm posting my twitch link a lot or sending a lot of memes or coming and messaging you it's just because I need people right now. Please don't hesitate to tell me I'm annoying af if it's bothersome to you.
Thank you guys for everything.
#ooc;#long post;#tw: panic#tw: anxiety#but yall have been so chill and so good to me i cant thank you enough#you have no idea how much it means when im in this sort of state
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I'm like enamored by your Harringroveson post where Billy sees Eddie and Steve and the whole gang on the beach etc
And in true spirit of meowmoewfication and angst I raise you this (it's very long but it felt wrong to add it onto your post or make my own even tagging you, sorry):
Because of most of their jobs, the gang has more or less moved to Cali, and they are all more or less friendly and willing to hang out with Billy and take him into their polycule circle
So he starts to hang out with them, pinning over Eddie and Steve like a freaking teenager, according to his inner monologue, (not knowing that they are kind of trying to come up with a way to ask him if he would like to join them) until one day there's some kind of necessary for plot miscommunication happening. Billy ends up kind of snapping, getting back together with an ex of his (Steve and Eddie go like oh alright:C but Max is totally like <_< this dude looks like Neil...). Which, of course, doesn't go well, and ends in a huge fight in Billy's apartment when the guy wanted Billy to stay with him because his family was visiting his wife's family for the day or something, but Billy had already made plans with Steve and Eddie to go hang out, and he really wanted to go
When Billy didn't show up when they agreed and even an hour later, Eddie and Steve start to worry and try to call him, but can't reach him, so they end up going to check his apartment first
They come to see a door that is hanging open and the single room mostly trashed with Billy sitting on the floor with a bit of blood on his face, eyes all red but not crying
And initially Billy startles at their voices calling him but then he's like oh sorry yeah I don't think I can hang out tonight, I couldn't call because my phone kind of broke (it was in fact in pieces) you should go out without me, maybe next time
But Eddie and Steve stay, and help him clean up and even change the locks (very fast actually) because his ex had a key, and make sure he doesn't need to go to the hospital and get food and everything and then even stay the night mostly trying to convince Billy to press charges (they still fail)<3
💙 billyhargrovesupsidedownshadow
screaming, crying, throwing up I -
Hurt me more, please, um, and also: feel free to add to my posts, I love that shit <3 especially from mutuals <3
I imagine his ex keeps bothering him but the boys are always around now, either both or just one of them, checking on him, bringing him his favorite snacks because 'oh you know, I saw them, thought you might like it, and stuff *blushing like an idiot*', and hosting movie nights with everyone.
Neither are against throwing hands either, so more than once, Steve has taken a swing at Billy's ex for talking shit, but Billy doesn't like him fighting his battles or causing 'more trouble', so his ex always gets away scott free.
Thankfully, one day Eddie and Steve finally get the balls to ask Billy out as a couple and he is ecstatic, if a bit scared that it might all go downhill, like he's the one who turns all his partners nasty. He doesn't want Steve and Eddie to reach a breaking point with him, because he's needy and clingy and gets frustrated so easily. He doesn't want them to turn around one day and realize they made a mistake, that Billy deserves every strike he got from his line of shitty exes and more.
They never do, they adore Billy, and with time he realizes they're not going anywhere, not unless Billy asks them too. And Billy will never ask them that <3
(And yeah, he gets the final punch in with his ex, kicks him to the curb, and the guy finally gives up after that)
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The best way to describe me on my period is that It’s a full moon since I’ve gotten bitten and it’s my first time transforming into a werewolf. I’m happy, than mad, next thing you know I’m hysterically crying and eating a 10 pound bag of Swedish fish and drinking a liter of cola watching princess diaries, while Eddie Kingston brings me offerings of chocolate and soda before hiding in the living room. What is your aew boyfriend doing for you.
Did I shamelessly use this to write some fluff for my sweet boy? 100% yes. He'd be such a good sport.
In the few months we have been dating, Cash has figured out my pattern. It's like a clockwork, really. It all starts 4 days before my period hits.
For two days, I am ridiculously horny. The way he blinks and breathes makes me lose my mind. Basically the fact that he has a pulse turns me on. So we have sex at least three times a day, even more if he lets me have my way. I apologize for being so needy and clingy, but I can't help it. That's the fun part for the both of us.
Then, for another two days, I am ridiculously bitchy. The way he blinks and breathes makes my blood boil. Basically the fact that he has a pulse pisses me off. So he tries to stay away from me as much as possible, and when I snap at him for no reason whatsoever, he is a true gentleman and sucks it up. I do realize at some point how shitty I am treating him, and apologize for being so moody and mean to him, but again, I can't help it. Every once in a while, I cry while telling him I am sorry. That's the shitty part for the both of us.
And then, my period hits. It's okay the first, maybe even the second day. I am my normal self, or at least as normal as I get. And we live our lives in peace.
At some point, the cramps start. Bad cramps. Really painful cramps. So when Cash sees me standing there, writhing in pain while one of my hands is almost digging into the wood of the doorframe, he walks up to me, wraps his arms around me from behind and tenderly kisses my neck, his beard softly brushing my skin. "Do you want your hot-water bottle, Sweetheart? Maybe some cuddles?" He asks as he gently rubs my stomach.
My first reaction is to lean against his body and sigh. There is just always something about his embrace that makes me relax and feel safe. It feels like nothing bad can happen as long as his arms are around me.
"Oh God, yes please. I'd love that." I feel him smile against my skin before he takes my hand in his and we walk over to the couch.
He presses his lips on mine before mumbling that he'll be right back. In the meantime, I grab the soft blanket and wrap it around my body, eyes flinching in pain every now and then.
He returns a few minutes later with my hot-water bottle and places it underneath the blanket, on my lower stomach before crawling under the blanket as well. His arms snake around me again and I nuzzle into the crook of his neck.
"Want a hot chocolate? Ice cream? A sandwich?" He asks after a few minutes. My lips are ghosting along his neck until I reach his jawline and pepper his face with little kisses until I reach his lips. "Nope. I just want you." I whisper against his mouth before kissing him.
He grins and runs his hand along my back. "Already back to being horny?" The amusement in his voice makes me smile.
"It's not my fault you're this handsome. It has never happened with my exes. Not to this degree. So you're the one to blame." I retort before running my hand along his chest. Then, I get serious. "I'm sorry, though, I know I am a lot to deal with."
He chuckles before pulling me closer to his chest. "Don't you ever apologize for wanting to have sex with me again. I happily comply, Baby. It's actually a great workout." His other hand gently rubs my stomach, and I can't help but smile at him. Our lips are magnetic, because we simply can't keep them off of each other. So what started as an innocent kiss soon turns into a messy make out session. And I am not sure if it is the warmth on my stomach or the magical feeling of Cash's touch, but soon, all the pain caused by my cramps vanishes.
I honestly think it's the latter.
#the best girl asks i answer#aew imagine#cash wheeler#all elite wrestling imagine#cash wheeler imagine
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being at home is making me go insane. you're too busy doing fuckall to even text me, or ask me how i'm doing. this house is what killed me, and you just say, "find something to look forward to." my love, this is where i died. for twenty fucking years i fought to get out. this is where i lost my sense of self, this is where i was neglected, this is where i disappeared. and you'll never fucking understand that because your life has been so different than mine. parents who love you and accept you as you are. parents who treat you like an adult and not a child. you don't fucking understand me at all, and it is driving me crazy. i'm losing myself again. i'm not a person anymore. i'm just instructions, money, responsibility. i'm gone again. and you, you say, "at least X, at least Y." just let me fucking have this. i was ABUSED here. and you don't understand it. why don't you understand. i'm so fucking tired. it's barely been two days and i already feel completely drained. and you're at home enjoying your time without me, i bet you love being away from me. away from taking care of me and from all my shitty fucking problems. oh you love to play your games uninterrupted, without my needy, clingy, parasitic self to bother you. i know you're lying to me. why, how could you love me?
#[business partner]#submission#suggestion#unsent texts#suggestion blog#cursing warning#upset#abuse mention#q'd#mod mercy
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A Blanket Bed in the Corner
Summary: A short one-shot of what happened between Dirk and Todd when they went back to Hobbs house between Panto and the House Within a House. If you like a little bit of angsty, touch-starved, slightly traumatized yearning, then you’ll like this probably.
Read on Ao3. Words: 2108
I got to thinking about @clockworkcheetah ‘s post about Todd not being super touchy with Dirk in S2, and this sort of just spat out of my brain, so *throws this out on the floor* here.
.
.
They get to Hobbs’ small house late that night. He gives his cat a few scratches, throws a pile of blankets and pillows at the two of them and then wanders off to bed, looking worn out.
Understandable. Getting involved with Dirk’s… stuff does that to you.
So, it’s quiet now.
Todd felt strange leaving Farah behind at the sheriff's station. They’d spent two months straight not being further apart than one of them in a shitty motel bathroom while Farah walks down the hall to grab a vending machine dinner, apart from the last couple days when Todd ran off after a rabbit, or Farah talked to her brother at the boat, or today when she went with Farah and found the weird pink-haired dude that’s locked up at the station now.
He feels her absence like the loss of a limb, having become so innately accustomed to her, the mere presence of her existence a glue on his disintegrating life. It writhes like crawling bugs under his skin, an aching panic that settles into his bones telling him that there is something wrong.
It’s whispering, screaming, clawing at him like, ‘she’s gone, you idiot, Farah's not here and she has to be here and, of course, she's been taken too, and now you're alone, and you're never going to find Dirk or Amanda or anyone, and you're going to die alone, choking on your own lungs because there's nobody here to shove the pills down your throat and, shit, this is what Amanda felt all the time, and fuck, I'm the worst person in the whole world, she deserves to hate me forever-‘
Except Farah is okay. He’d watched her wave him off with a tired smile, an understanding in her eyes, and a not-so-joking joke about how she needed a little girl time.
And Dirk is here.
Dirk is here.
He's here.
Todd looks over at him, biting the insides of his cheeks. He looks exhausted and freaked the hell out, which, once again, understandable, considering he got ‘thrown through a doghouse by a zombie, Todd’, plus almost getting shot with a shot gun and then, the sudden presence of Panto Trost, sword carrying crazy person from Wen-da-fuck-does-this-get-normal; all of this casually adding up to a bunch of shit that Dirk really doesn’t need to deal with barely a day after getting out of Blackwing.
And they hadn’t even talked about that. They… well, they sort of have, but not really. Not in any way that matters, but he doesn’t even know if Dirk would want to talk about it. Todd certainly wouldn’t, but Todd’s also coming off the tail end of about a decade of severe emotional repression and self-hatred that’s left him feeling like he doesn’t deserve to have someone listen to any of his crap because he’s just a worthless shithead who shouldn’t have friends. He’s working on that, though, but habits die hard.
He wants to be there for Dirk though. He said he was his friend, back two months ago before everything went to shit. He hopes that all this didn't change Dirk wanting that from him, unless Blackwing, like, zapped his brain to make him not want to have friends. Dirk barely told him much about what that place was like as a child, but from what he’d said, he wouldn’t put isolation-inducing brain zaps past them.
But maybe this is too much. Maybe Dirk thinks that the fact that Todd and Farah spent two months looking for him was kind of creepy and pathetic and Todd is just way too clingy and needy to keep around and he’s just finding the right way to say fuck off without sounding like too much of an asshole.
Todd realizes vaguely that he could also just be thinking all this because it’s like 2am and he’s exhausted and his body is adjusting to taking cat drugs that make his brain feel a little weird and Dirk being here, and alive, and here, is fucking with his head... like a lot.
He becomes aware that he's been sitting on Hobbs' couch for like fifteen minutes, just staring at the wall, still fully dressed. He's surprised Dirk hadn't said anything, or maybe he had, and Todd wasn't paying attention.
Todd glances over and now, Dirk is lying flat on the pile of blankets and pillows that Hobbs had dragged out. He's on his back, eyes open, looking blankly up at the ceiling. The look on his face, Todd’s not sure what he’d call it, but it’s…
Well, it's a bit concerning.
He’s not going to read into what prompts him to do it, but he's walking across the room before he can register the action in his brain. He sees Dirk's eyes flick towards him, but he doesn't move, only parts his lips slightly to release a heavy breath before darting his eyes back up to the ceiling.
Todd waves a hand at him, leaning over the make-shift bed. Dirk rolls his eyes, landing them back on Todd and frowns, confused.
"Scoot over."
Dirk's look of confusion deepens, and he opens his mouth, hesitating quietly for a moment before snapping it closed again. He presses his lips into a tight line and then moves to the side, watching Todd carefully now.
There’s not really enough room for both of them, not enough room for two normal man friends to lay down normally next to each other. But… well, fuck it. Todd draws in a breath and flops onto the blankets, half of his side hanging off the edge onto the worn carpet, carefully keeping just enough space between their arms so that they aren't touching, but close enough that he can feel the echoes of warmth coming off Dirk's body.
He liked doing this with Farah too. He hopes that she didn’t mind it too much. On the run, it was only the two of them together for two months, neither of them big on touching, especially since Todd got pararibulitis, so they didn’t do more than just lay next to each other (other than that night they got drunk at that restaurant and sloppily made out in the back alley, deliberately not talking about it the next day). Just knowing that she was there, that she was in the same shitty boat that he was, tired and scared and unsure of what was going to smack them in the faces next, not knowing if they’d ever find Dirk or Amanda or any semblance of peace again; it helped.
It made him feel real. Alive. Physically present in the world.
He wonders if Dirk had anything like that, if there was anything he could cling to during his long nights wherever he had been to make him feel like a person again. He doesn't think so, but he’s not really sure he wants the confirmation.
Dirk breathes in sharply through his nose. It's dark, apart from the dim light over the oven in the kitchen. It’s glowing a soft yellow through the narrow archway behind them, trailing over the top of Dirk’s face.
He’d never seen him like this before. Never laid on a bed and looked at him, studied the angle of his nose, the hard line of his jaw, the way his throat worked as he swallowed, the flutter of his eyelashes, the soft parting of his lips.
The urge to touch him surges through his body like a pararibulitis attack. Consuming and electric. Todd bites the insides of his cheeks to try to hold his composure. He’s not sure if he succeeds.
Dirk's lip quivers.
There's a tense, heavy silence that blankets over them, like the world tilting for a second as air is pulled into Dirk’s lungs. He's staring up at the ceiling like it could have the answers to a question Todd knows that he doesn't even know.
"I missed you," Dirk breathes out shakily. It's quiet, barely audible, but in Todd's ears, it's an explosion. It shatters something in his chest, and he doesn't think he'll ever be able to piece it back together again, and, god, he doesn't fucking care.
Todd shifts his arm, just the tiniest bit closer. He can feel the tickle of their arm hairs brushing together, sending bolts of lightning over his nerves, but not, like, bad ones. They're good. They're so good.
Todd wonders if Dirk can feel him staring at him. He doesn't mean to, knows that it's a little weird, a bit creepy, but Dirk is here, he’s here, and Todd is so fucking scared of blinking and finding that spot on the blankets suddenly empty. To find out that Dirk had never even been here in the first place. That finding him had been a dream or a hallucination or something else that would break his heart if it wasn’t just this.
"I missed you, too," Todd whispers back. Dirk flinches like he'd forgotten Todd was even there, his throat bobbing as he swallows hard.
The distance between them feels too far, like a wide, endless canyon, impassable and dangerous.
Dirk turns his head slowly, meeting Todd's eyes. His are bright. The soft light from the kitchen makes them shine like stars, and his hair is wild, errant strands sticking out in all different directions. Dirk had been running his hands through it anxiously since Panto showed up, too much restless energy to stay contained. A dark strand hangs loosely over his forehead.
He could reach out, brush it back into place and let his finger stay pressed lightly against Dirk’s skin, trailing it down the side of Dirk's face, smoothing those rough, worried edges. It feels like too much, too soon, too close.
Dirk’s lips turn down, eyes still carefully studying Todd. It seems like he feels the same way, like his connection to the whatever is tattling on Todd’s thoughts, that roiling tension in Todd's body that is screaming at him to get closer, and his eyes flick back to the couch, his expression closing off. He licks his lips and frowns.
"You should get some sleep. I can't imagine having to be on the run from the FBI has been very restful." He speaks softly. Kind and quiet, but Todd can hear the tone of dismissal in the words.
Todd doesn't want Dirk to pull away, not now. Not when he just got him back. He moves to shift forward, but he feels the light press of fingertips against his forearm. Dirk's eyes are piercing into him, sad and tired.
"Todd," he whispers, his voice crackling like he’s moments away from breaking into tears. His eyes dart to the couch again, panicked. "Please."
Dirk presses his lips into a line and looks back at Todd, his expression pleading with him to understand, like he doesn’t know what he needs himself, like he needs Todd to know for him.
Todd’s not good at this though.
He wants so badly to just push forward, to show Dirk that he’s here for him, that he wants to be here for him. Wants to drag him into a hug and touch him and know that this is real, that Dirk is real. And here. And alive.
But he can see in Dirk’s expression that he’s not ready for that. And as much as Todd wants to push, wants to touch, and hold, and never fucking let go… he doesn’t.
It hurts, aching like a bruise, but Todd swallows it down and nods.
Because it's fine. He's fine, and this is fine, and he’s here for Dirk, whatever he needs, because they’re friends and he wants his friend to feel okay. To feel safe.
Todd briefly nudges Dirk’s arm with his own, catching his eyes and giving Dirk a soft smile.
"Good night, Dirk."
Dirk hesitates before returning Todd’s smile with a sad apologetic one of his own. His fingers brush over the back of Todd’s wrist before dropping back onto the blanket.
Todd pushes himself up, the chill of being separated from Dirk creeping into his skin. He drags one of the blankets he’d been lying on up from the ground, tugging it until Dirk shifts and it comes free and then tosses it carefully out across Dirk’s body, turning quickly back to the couch to lay down. It’s enough, he thinks, that he can see Dirk from here. Can see Dirk watching him still, pulling the blanket around his chest tighter, curling onto his side, still facing Todd on the couch.
Todd sighs, letting his eyes close.
"Good night, Todd."
In the morning, the blanket bed is empty.
#dghda#dirk gently#todd brotzman#dirk gently’s holistic detective agency#brotzly#not like explicitly but like my fics will get there eventually if they kept going so…
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Kiyoomi knew what he was getting into when he agreed to date Miya Atsumu just as he's about to start college.
He had thought that he wouldn't mind the distance so much. He's never been a particularly clingy person anyway.
They were fine for the first few months. Atsumu tries to visit every time he gets a long weekend from practice. Kiyoomi goes to as many of Atsumu's games as his schedule would permit. And sometimes they even try to meet halfway.
They make it work. Even if it's tiring and a little rough on his student wallet, Kiyoomi thinks it's worth it. Because getting to see Atsumu is worth it.
Just being in the same space, breathing the same air as Atsumu, makes Kiyoomi feel rejuvenated.
Like he can write a thousand essays, take a hundred finals, put up with his shitty groupmates.
He feels recharged every time Atsumu hugs him. His kiss feels like electric shocks causing his brain to function properly for the next few weeks of school.
More effective than coffee.
It was naive of him to think their arrangement would last forever.
They both start to get busy. Too tired to make the hours trip to see the other. Kiyoomi starts to run low on funds to commute. He still has a paper to finish.
And backlogs upon backlogs to go through.
Kiyoomi's never felt so exhausted. His body feels heavy and he's always stressed out all the time.
He misses Atsumu so so much. He hasn't seen his boyfriend in three weeks? Maybe even more. He can't remember anymore.
He's startled by his phone ringing and Kiyoomi answers it without even looking at who called.
When he hears Atsumu's voice, he almost cries.
"Hey, Omi-omi. Whatcha doin' today?"
Kiyoomi is tired and so his defenses are down. "Missing you," he answers.
His boyfriend chuckles at that, bright and cheery and everything Kiyoomi loves. "I miss ya too, Omi-kun."
Usually, Kiyoomi would feel embarrassed at such blatant display of affection. But today he just tacks on. "I wanna hug you."
"Yeah?"
"And kiss you," he adds. "Lots."
"Me too."
Kiyoomi pouts, feeling like his boyfriend doesn't understand the desperation and loneliness he feels.
"I want it now, Atsu. The hugs. The kisses. I want you. Now."
There's a few beats of silence. Kiyoomi wonders if he's finally scared Atsumu off with his neediness.
But then Atsumu says, "I know, Omi. I'm coming over right now. I'll give ya lots of hugs and kisses, okay?"
"How soon is now?" Kiyoomi almost whines. He can't believe he's this impatient.
Atsumu sounds like he's running from the panting breaths coming from his end.
"Why don't ya find out?" He asks.
Just then, Kiyoomi hears a knock on the door. He doesn't even bother to respond as he rushes to open the door and tackles Atsumu in his arms.
"You're here," he mumbles into the crook of his neck.
"I'm home," Atsumu says.
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My Trust Issues Are... An Issue
Hi there, I have trust issues.
I mean, who doesn't? At this point in life, trust issues are just there. However, I do have to say, mine are most definitely a problem. I am not saying that nobody else's trust issues are a problem, and I am definitely not saying that mine are the worst out there, but I am gonna talk about my issues cause this is my post.
So, I literally don't trust anyone. At least, when they're talking about me. I automatically think everyone hates me and that they're just faking liking me because they feel bad for me.
No matter how many times people say I'm smart or handsome or pretty, I don't believe them. I think they're just saying that for shits and giggles. I did touch on this in an earlier post about me saying I'd believe a stranger's compliment over a friend's, and yeah, that's kinda true.
If it's a complete stranger that has absolutely no reason to compliment me, like they aren't doing this for a job or because someone told them to, yeah, I'd probably believe them more than a friend.
This is why I have so much trouble making and keeping friends. I think everyone actually hates me and I'm the clingy asshole holding the shitty relationship together.
In my head, I'm stupid, clingy, childish, boring, ugly, and just an outright terrible person who talks too much. No matter who I'm around, be it friend, family, or stranger, I automatically think that they think that about me.
I just don't really like myself and I think other people think the same things I think about myself. So, it's hard to keep a friend when you pretend to believe them but you really don't.
And actually, here's a recent example. I was friends with someone for a few years, and we grew really close and kind of got into a relationship (I say kind of because it was complicated with family shit) and I started to actually trust them. Then, I noticed that they never really told people how they really thought of them. I got a little suspicious, but I'm a clingy person and I didn't want to ruin the relationship.
Really recently, they've been ghosting and ignoring me. I didn't want to come off as needy, so I've been giving them space. But I've been hearing rumors that this person never actually liked me and that they were lying to me. So yeah... that made my issues worse. Now, I'm really not trying to hold onto any relationships because I'm afraid. So.... yeah....
Anyway, that was a total shit post about my life. Y'all can ignore that, I just needed to get that off my chest.
Have a nice day!
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Idk if this sounds anti-recovery, because this isn't the first time psychologists and psychiatrists tell me this, but the way I'm told to "stop focusing on the negatives" when it comes to my family, to instead strengthen my bonds with them... doesn't sound very validating to me.
Because you see, my whole life I was told to forgive my family. I was told that they had a rough past, too, that they were raised badly, that they were also victims etc. etc. And I'm not saying those saying those things aren't true, because they definitely are, and if I could give my family better childhoods, you bet I would.
But here's the thing... People don't want me to be angry with my family. I'm not even talking about fighting them. I mean as in, I'm not allowed to be ANGRY with my family, I'm not allowed to be upset that they hurt me for more than TWO DECADES and they do not seem to regret it in the slightest. They refuse to try to understand where my anger comes from, despite all my suffering. They only seem to get worse with each day, and it only makes me feel like my pain will never be enough for them to realize what they're doing wrong.
And yet when I try to vent, everyone just... tells me I'm only being too mean or too negative, that I have to either stop expecting so much from them - when my family is literally the only support system I have, because I don't have other safe contacts -, or that I need to make sure I get close to my parents and my brother instead of fighting them or rejecting them, and I guess I just gotta... "forgive" whatever they do that bothers me. Like they're just preferences. Just differences you can live with. And not literal fucking abuse and neglect.
Then again, I don't know what else to do. The small version of my dad only hammers in my head "you can't keep acting like a spoiled little brat because people say things you don't like". But at the same time I feel like nobody fucking listens to me without wanting to filter me, which is EXACTLY what my family does my entire goddamn life. I'm not supposed to be angry, to be upset, to be suicidal, to be needy or clingy... I'm supposed to just shut up and grow the fuck up. Nobody cares about my feelings! Just be grateful for the shitty life you have and you'll be finally useful for once! (/sarcasm)
#trauma#childhood trauma#cptsd#actuallybpd#actuallybipolar#emotional abuse#emotional neglect#suicide mention tw#venting#personal#my journal
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I wonder if my therapist is going to stop seeing me. She even said today she doesn't think she can help me anymore.
No one can.
Ive tried the pills. Therapy. Eating healthy. Going out. Exercising.
I have an active plan to kill myself because I'm just so tired of suffering.
Over the past year I've told my therapist some fucked up things. From my past and how its affected me.
I'm happy to feel heard and understood. I think the more I've told her of my daily life the more she was surprised how awful my day is. How awful my mind is. Yet I get so much done. Im high function so no one sees.
I told her today I'm scared to keep going out with these people from work because honestly its hard to not breakdown and cry. I randomly do now and to do that around people I'm not close with would be hard.
Because it wouldn't be just crying. It would be shaking. Hyper ventilating. And I don't want more people to judge me more.
And if they do care or try to help what do I say? Do I dump that I've been abused for years and now i just struggle super hard and randomly break down?
Thats not very strong of me.
I'd feel terrible for showing my emotions. For sharing my agony with them. Do I tell them I'm crying because I realize I just don't belong anywhere. That I just want to die and am counting down the days?
I'm scared even if a friendship or connection is created once people see how fucked up I am they either try to fix me then leave. Or just leave at the start.
Idk.
I think my therapist will stop seeing me. I know shes trying. And I know no one can really make up for the connections and intimacy I've missed.
But no one is interested in me.
And it would take a special person to wanna be with me.
Im not this strong masculine guy. I'm needy. Clingy. Eventually co dependent because I am with my fp.
But no one even gets to that point because no one wants me even at a surface level.
Even if someone did. I'd be scared to let anyone in. Because what if love and affection isn't enough? What if I still can't live inside of my mind? What if I still kill myself. Wouldn't I be a shitty person for getting any friends or a girlfriend if I could knowing I may kill myself anyway?
Maybe I should Isolate to avoid hurting anyone.
Maybe I should just be as small and quiet as possible.
Until I fade away and no one realizes I'm gone
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Fuck it. I’m dumping it here bc i want actual support and can’t find any in my life.
So, to start off, my last relationship that lasted just at about four years (ending in 2019) began with some decidedly non (mutually) consensual sex. Me and this dude (let’s use the letter “K” for him, to keep track) collectively barely spoke a full conversation with each other, despite being in the same friend group for about a college school year. We’re both the same age and he was single and I was in a shitty narcissistic relationship with a guy from high school that was living far longer than it should have. And K would often joke about how he’d fuck me if I didn’t have a bf at that time. I didn’t think anything of it bc it seemed like nothing at the time. I was right and wrong.
We’d be alone together multiple times before that fateful November but i still don’t know what was so different about that day. That day, another mutual friend of ours was going to a funeral for someone she’d been close to that year. He and I listened to her reminisce and tried to make a hard day easier, even if it was just nice company. Sometime later, her ride to the funeral came and she left. I should’ve left too, since K didn’t even walk her to the door of his apartment (which wound up being left unlocked since she didn’t live there, thus no key) and he locked the door to his room and yanked my pants down just enough to stick his boy parts in me. Saying I was caught off guard is an understatement. I asked him to stop and he did immediately. I was suddenly having weird feelings about him and realizing I didn’t care for the boy i was with at all. After that, I couldn’t shut up; and I’m starting to attribute that to trauma induced word vomit. And to try and shorten my little novel, we did do more stuff later that night, with me now also figuring “fuck it. If I’m gonna cheat, it should at least be with me actually wanting to do it while it’s happening” and the HS boy came from my hometown to visit the following Monday to tell me he was fucking off to the Army reserves and he was deploying the following January. We broke up about a week after.
Fast forward to that December and K was asking me to be his gf. He would usually be with someone for a few months at most and move on. I don’t think I’m anything special and figured I’d get the same treatment and agreed bc I didn’t think he actually liked me (spoiler; he barely did and now I’m here) I wasn’t the best partner in the beginning and I was mad at myself for it then and I’m still mad at myself now. I even had an emotional lapse two years into the thing I thought would die after 3 months and hurt him deeply. I didn’t find that out till later and i desperately wish i could take that back, even though i know i can’t. I was a clingy, needy bitch baby and he just never gave me a second glance, unless we were alone. And 2019, I ended it with him because i realized that I’m gay. Another fast forward to 2 years later and he’s trying to date the girl he had a crush on in college and actually likes still. It didn’t help my heart that she and i had become good friends over this time too. (All three of us had reconnected in about 2018, so it’s not like she just swooped in or anything malicious) and i was just gonna keep the ugly feelings i had about knowing that he was automatically gonna treat her better without her asking while i had to nearly beg him to look at me to myself but I couldn’t. I heard something triggering and decided to tell them both that i was having weird feelings but I wasn’t gonna try and impose on them and just cry in a corner alone every so often. I didn’t tell them at the same time bc I thought it would be okay and felt more comfortable saying it person but could only do that with her. But i told them both that them being in a relationship doesn’t bother me, but his actions towards her were gonna hurt bc he could’ve done better for me but I wasn’t worth it, i guess. He thought I was giving them my blessing and she didn’t want to see me hurt like that. So of course, in his eyes, when she didn’t want to hurt me, even tangentially, i was a liar. When i never gave any blessings or anything bc I assumed they were together when anyone would’ve. So i lost him as a friend and we had been really close or so i had assumed (wrongly) he iced me out hard after that and they’re still friends, we’re all still in the same friend circle and I don’t have any other friends bc I’m fucking loser. So now I’m still hurting, she won’t answer his calls when I’m around and i feel stupid and wrong and ugly and disgusting. I don’t have anyone else to cry about this too that isn’t close to the situation or would just let me cry to let it out without judgment. So I’m baring my soul to the dead lands and then I’m going to bed. I know I’ll be over it at some point but it resurfaces on occasion and I can’t help it. I wish things were different so badly but i know i am where i am and i have to keep moving forward. I wish I wasn’t so alone but i am. That has nothing to do with what’s written here; I’ve always been on the outside looking in, even when i think I’m in. I’ll never belong bc I’m not right, i just simply don’t belong. I can’t off myself and i have nothing to hold onto. I’m just drifting aimlessly until I crash somewhere.
And if you made it this far, you deserve a medal 🎖 bc god this is sad and pathetic, but that’s just how I’m built.
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Soft dom harry makes subby reader upset subspace?
MEANIE ANGRY H :D BUCKLE UP FELLAS
Y/N's day is been shitty so far. It started with an ache in her lower abdomen from Harry’s morning stiffy bulging against her asscheeks fattening everytime he snuggled into her to hoard her warmth and blankies and to stuff his face in her neck with incoherent blabbering.
She wanted to wake him up with her hand, mouth, hole— anything around his cock and to please him and dull the burny feeling in her tummy -- but -- she had an important workshop at UNI that was must needed to be attended.
The time she managed to knock herself out of her needy and lusty headspace, she was getting late and whirling around the room and closest like a thunderstorm -- burying a snoring Harry under the heaps of clothes and littering the floor with her shoes collection, the kitchen got treated much more worst with maids being not around (she’s used to Harry waking up earlier than her and making her a full course brekkie) after making a laughable ruckus of cabinets all she stuffed her mouth with was a chocolate protein bar.
The stars were still not in her favour. She was grabbing onto her hair until far when she missed the bus (she usually don’t take buses, Harry makes sure the driver drop her off safe and secure) and it started raining leaving Y/N with nothing but a bare head to take all of it as she already left the bus shelter to stop a taxi.
If all of that wasn’t much of a tragedy and humiliating, Y/N slipped the moment she stepped out of the vehicle and on the slippery curbs of the building, she saw her life flashing right infront of her eyes as the papers tucked in her armpit fled everywhere and landed on the rainy mud sadistically along her. It gave her a serious hit in her ankle and completely yanked her hip, still being a stubborn-head she picked herself and went inside despite how many glares the cleaning staff threw her way for bringing the dirt with her feed all over the shiny floors.
She felt bad.
Stupidly bad.
Her workshop teachers were kind enough to accept her late arrival, but her designs for fall got rejected and they’d have been a huge milestone for her to get her dream internship.
Y/N felt awfully, teeny, pathetic and little while slumping into the corner of the bus and holding her breath to refrain from crying these little liquidy bitches out of her eyes.
Reaching back home she was met with pure chaos, bumping into petrified and agitated employs from Harry’s company scurrying out of their main foyer and she could persist but to ask what happened only to be informed in stammers that the staff messed up big and caused a loss of million dollars— making Harry terribly mad and fire people left and right.
It wasn’t a joke at all.
Because once, she steps inside, bag falling from her shoulder as she sighs in exhaustion feeling her muscles stiffening everywhere but one particular spot's hurting wrenchingly— her foggy mind couldn’t figure it out yet. She peeks into Harry’s home office to be met by a very annoyed, aggrieved, furious Harry pacing in his office all whilst with a phone against his ear shouting at someone who was destined to be humiliated today just like her and she pouts gingerly seeing his features skewered tightly into displeasure, the vein that curves along his temple prominent with blood pumping erratically in his body.
His head snaps up at the door’s creak and albeit his eyes softens a little, the kink of brows and the scowl on his lips is still there and he watches her paddle towards him carefully knowing anything at the moment would burst his chimneys out and she wants to be good for her daddy.
“Hi.” She speaks timidly, pout getting more rusty when the greetings not returned and instead he keeps all of his attention on the phone keeping a loose arm around her.
She grumbles, when he gestures down at her to give him a sec and untangles himself from her walking away and huffing and puffing into the phone.
How could he!
She feels so denied and rejected and kicked like it’s done to those affection starved lil puppies.
Her clingy tendencies flying high drunk and wooly. The needy beastie inside her wanting nothing more than take a bath where Harry could cream her back in her favourite berry bubbles, massaging her head and whisper sweet nothings into her ear, then lots and lots of cuddles, maybe he'll be generous enough and let her keep him snug inside her while they watch movie because she had such an awful day.
But, No! He's trying to escape free from her because she’s such a burden for him now.
Her eyes turns glassy, her shoulders slumping sadly and out of nowhere she’s feeling cold and barren as Harry’s voice becomes a wafting fume for her— an indication she has gone under too much.
“Daddy . . .” She stomps behind him, circling his footsteps like a whiny puppy and grapples at his dress shirt gasping sullenly when he swats her dainty hands away and glares down at her in dominance, his tone harsh as he blocks the receiver with his palm and mouths at her with a huff, “Stop being needy fo’ once. I’ve clearly some important issues to care for, Y/N.” Poor Y/N's deathly grip on his shirt loosens sorrowfully and her chin wobbles as she nodded still wanting to be good for him and if it wasn’t enough to give her the biggest heartbreak of the year— he even rolled his eyes at her too grumping under his breath about something how he turned her into a spoiled brat himself.
“Okie. . .” Her voice strangled and small. She shrinks into herself but wasn’t paid any heed from Harry and without another word she leaves him as to be it.
Having a huge breakdown in her room didn’t help at all. A painful headache hitting her like a train as she clumsily strips down, wearing one of his t-shirt heavily drenched in his scent he keeps for her under her pillow anytime she needs it and hides under the blankets with tears still running down her swollen cheeks— slipping into a light slumber from all of weariness and crying.
Once the smoke cleared from Harry’s mind and his capabilities of rational thinking coming back to him, he was reminded of how he denied his baby of his littlest of affection and tenderness when she clearly looked so glum and sad and upset.
He wanted to whip himself in head.
He’s such a twat that he let work come between them.
He curses himself. Making a sprint to his bedroom, knowing he’d find her none other than there and he was right puffing out a disheartened sigh when his eyes falls over his princess buried under all of these layers of blankets, he crawls up towards her carefully not to startle her awake.
Grunting at himself when he finds she’s been crying, he strokes a thumb up her blushy cheeks and her wet lashes, kissing her puffy eyelids and her little sad unhappy pout away.
He frowns. Feeling her feverish and flushed under his hand, “Hey puppy . . .” He thumbs down her throat getting a little fretful when she doesn’t stirs, however she’s such a squirmy little one and he moves the blankets away to let her body cool itself smiling proudly at his shirt swallowing her whole is when she snuggled herself more into her stuffie letting the shirt ride up her thighs and hips exposing a ghastly bruise of red and purples and he frowns not remembering it being there before.
Now. He feels shittier. Wanting to jump of the cliff for being a shitty sadist boyfriend to his only beloved.
“No!” Y/N whimpers loudly, squirming away from his touch as he examines her gently and it sent shockwaves to each of her tissues and lions causing her an undeniable pain.
“Puppy, shh, shh. ‘s just me, making sure if y'okay.” He scrambles closer to her towering her to cradle her face and kiss the tip of her nose—- his face falls drastically and his heart cracks miserly when Y/N pushes him away with a sorrowful mumble not even letting him wipe the drool away from the corner of her mouth as he usually does.
“’M okay . . .” She tries to knuckle the sleepiness away with shivery hands, “No you’re not —...” He’s cut off by her angry pout and her silly efforts to keep as much distance between them as possible, “I don’t need, Daddy . . ‘m big and I could take care of me self.” At her puny waver realization dawns upon Harry and his brows shoots up to his hairline feeling nauseous and terrible for not taking care of his babylove earlier.
He’d have never let her be away from him if he knew she was in her subspace.
“Y/N baby . . . I didn’t mean it, darling —--...” With gentleness he tries to approach her but she wraps her arms around her petite figure in a protective manner, haziness taking best of her and Harry’s chest suffocates into itself, being a dom it’s your responsibility to make your subby feel protected, loved and happy and he even failed at that.
He quickly cups both of her hot cheeks in his nippy palms when she hiccups sadly, a sob threatening to slip out, “Yes you did! You meant it. Said you spoiled me, I don’t want your money, promise! I just want you and y'shooed me away saying Y/N’s too needy . . .” Harry flinches at her words. He never even spared a thought to this negativity that she chooses to be with him for his money because he knows out of all the people she’s the only one who loves him out of the boundaries of status and money.
He realises how stabbing they'd have been to her when she was so sensitive and floaty wanting nothing more, just him.
How deep she has gone if she’s taking her own name in third person.
“’M sorry baby. So sorry. Swear on myself, didn’t mean to hurt my baby, knows tha’ work shouldn’t be an excuse t’ make y'feel unloved—- but those bastards got a tick outta me.” He rambles on frantically. Afraid she’ll think he’s lying and would finally make up her mind to leave him.
“You didn’t?” She asks with so much innocence Harry nearly cries out, “’Course I didn’t! How could I? You could never be needy, Bab. I love you so much and you’re my whole word, forgive me please?”
“You’re forgiven,” She let a small smile flutter up her features, a tinge of gleam in her previous dull eyes brightening the whole room and Harry immediately bunches her up in his lap.
“Can I kiss you?” He asks her, not sure if she still needs space from him and would rather be better without him but she bobs her head shyly and he chuckles softly before touching their lips together into a tender loving kiss and brushes their noses up and down murmuring sweetly coy to her.
“Now, could y'tell daddy how y'got this bruise baby? How did ya get hurt?” He coos, brushing her sweaty hair back and rubs her sweet gland behind her ear delicately, “Oh yeah . . . this, was raining and slipped.” She murmurs, hissing a gasp jolting away when Harry glides his fingers gently down her hip bone and fresh tears springs in her eyes as she buries herself in his chest, “Daddy hurts. . .” . “Oh babypie. Daddy’s g'na take care of his love.” He lays her down gently kissing her forehead when she whines for him to keep on holding her, “’M right here darling. G'na prep us a bath, make my baby alright.” Saying this he quickly disappears inside the washroom and next their room’s sursuring with marble tub filling with warm water, Harry throws in her favourite pink coloured bath bombs and rose essences and throws their towels in the warmer coming back with her as he left her to be, he has decided he’s gonna love on her whole night, “My baby’s the best, ain’t she? She’s my bestest girl.” He coos down at her sweetly and slides his forearms under her knees and back picking her up carefully and brings her to his chest securely.
She closes her eyes, biting down a whimper when Harry dips them in the water some it sloshing down the edges of bathtub and it envelopes them and gives a stingy feeling to her bruise before soothing it down.
He rubs her arms, and circles smoothing patterns on her tummy and kisses her a gallons as she melts in his embrace and he let’s her sink into him more, nibbling and sponging wet ticklish kisses on her neck making her purr and become a puddle of softness in his hold while she takes her time to mumble all the bad events that happened to her and he felt so guilty of not asking her how she’s and how her day went when she came to him, in need of some of his lovin.
“I love you so much, bab.” He suckles her earlobe, toying and plucking her bottom plush lip, “Was prick to me love —.. you deserve all my lovin,” He noses at her jaw, not forgetting it to mark it with his pecks and sloppy bites.
“’S okay daddy, y'had a bad day too.” He’s grateful to have her in his life. She cares about him, maybe more than he does for her and he feels himself lucky for it.
“You want me to help you relax?”
“Can I have you?” Her tone bashfully desperate and coy, Harry meanders their fingers together and kisses her knuckles softly.
Considering her wound still being sore and pulp, having sex would be painful for her and she might not grasp it in her hazy mind but Harry doesn’t want to hurt at all.
He plants a little noisy smooch to her shoulder when she nods, she mews and purrs when Harry glides his palm all the way down her body and cups her pussy digging his palm into her mound and coats his digits with her arousal dipping the pads of his fingers into her entrance, “All this wet f'me?” Palming her tits while whispering sweet nothings into her ear when she gasps and closes up on Harry scratching nails into his bended knees.
“Shh, shh puppy, jus' relax hmm? Feel yourself.” With sputtery inhales she does as he says, soon two of his fingers slips inside her and he strokes her pussy and pulls them out making her all whiny and pushes them back with a squelching noise, fucking her with it smiling and stopping when her thighs parts falls again his’s completely.
“Daddy!” She writhes and whines, trembly hands trying to bring Harry fingers back to her pulsating wetness, “You’re the cutest.” He smiles against her lips giving her cheeks several squishes and pats her head loving to see his adorable princess all flustery for him.
On her demands. He slicks his fingers back inside her and caresses the insides of her thighs while she pants and sinks onto his knuckles blabbering out daddydaddydaddy weepily.
“Cum fo’ me, puppy. Feels good? Yeah? My baby feels nice?” He rasps in her mouth, curving and petting the soft spot inside her pussy and sucks onto her upper lip when she moans and mewls loudly gushing all over his finger and he keeps on fucking her till she’s all sleepy and balmy against his chest.
Harry coaxes her tenderly, smoothing his hands all over her twitchy spots and patches sloppy kisses all over her face that makes her all giggly and shy—- the amount of endorphins spiking high in her system.
“Love you so much, daddy.” She mushes puckering her lips into his throat.
“Love you too, pup.”
#dom harry x subby y/n#dom harry x sub reader#dom!h x sub!reader#dom!h x sub!y/n#dom harry#harry styles fanfic#harry styles story#harry styles one shot#harry styles blurb#harry styles smut#cute harry#harry styles#harry smut#harry styles fanfiction#fluff#harry angst#hsh
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can i req suna,, akaashi and iwa (and anyone else u want!!) getting jelly abt the s/o hanging out with another guy and being touchy (like the playful smacking or smth) without knowing the guy was their brother? angst to fluff bc i want the ✨ pain ✨ if u dont wanna its fine too,,
thanks bby,, love ur works so much! stay safe and healthy 😫💗
✗ HQ BOYS GETTING JEALOUS OF A GUY WITHOUT KNOWING HE’S YOUR BROTHER ✗
me receiving a request : 🥰 the request including suna :🤩 tysmm bby stay safe and healthy tooo <3
-> suna, iwaizumi, akaashi
-> angst to fluff
-> reblogs help a lot <33
— SUNA
• he hadn’t asked many questions when you told him you couldn’t come over to his house in the afternoon. but now, as he was replaying your snapchat story for the sixth time, he really wished he did
• maybe if he had insisted on coming with you, you wouldn’t have let this guy - that he had never seen, for the record - act so touchy with you
• was it his fault for not making you feel special enough ? to the point that you preferred the company of other men rather than your own boyfriend’s ?
• just the thought of this was enough to make a few of his usually well-hidden insecurities bubble up - most of them due to what his friends always joked about « suna doesn’t care enough to be in a relationship, they’ll all run away after a week ! »
• so yes, suna was hurt, but you didn’t have to see that. your opinion on him was the only one he cared about, he didn’t want to tarnish it. well... your opinion and his little sister’s, who burst into his room as he was about to watch your story for the seventh time to tell him that « someone’s at the door ! »
• not feeling like getting out of bed, it took him a few minutes to drag his feet to the door before finally opening it. and of all the people he could have expected to see, you were the last of them
• « surprise ? » you smiled as you let yourself in, not noticing the surprised look on his face as you greeted him with a tight hug. « i felt bad for cancelling our afternoon together, so i asked my brother to drop me off »
• you weren’t even done talking that suna had already recognized the man in the car that was leaving his driveway. his embrace immediately softened, and a smile crept on his face as he felt all his doubts vanish in a second
• « nuh-uh, don’t take your jacket off beautiful, i’m taking you out », he told you, determined to spoil you in the way he regretted not doing sooner
• at his words, his sister almost magically appeared next to you, coat in hand and ready to go. « you weren’t planning on leaving without me, right ? » she flashed you a toothless grin, grabbing both your hand and his to drag you two outside
• suna shared a deadpanned look with you, « of course not... » you both said in unison as she was already leading the way to her favorite ice cream shop
— IWAIZUMI
• iwa’s trust in you was infinite. but something about the way this guy had his arm playfully wrapped around your shoulders didn’t sit right with him
• his practice had ran late and he was exhausted. but he had promised you he would pop over to the birthday party of your childhood best friend, knowing how much it mattered to you
• but your behavior looked an awful lot like an attempt at making him jealous... and it was working
• was it your way of letting him know that you two weren’t working anymore ? were you just too much of a coward to be clear about it ? he hated to think about you that way. and most of all, he cared about you too much to not step in
• « ok now you got my attention » he told you after pulling you to the side. « if you want to tell me something, go ahead, i’m listening »
• still trapped in the euphoria of the moment, you didn’t really understand how upset he was. but maybe it was for the best, because it allowed you to defuse the tension lightheartedly : « i can’t believe i forgot to introduce you ! » you let out as you dragged him back to where your brother was still standing
• his jaw still clenched, iwa couldn’t even bring himself to shake this stranger’s hand, as friendly as he looked. at least not until you spoke your next words : « he was actually telling me how excited he was to finally met his future brother-in-law ! »
• iwa’s lips slightly parted in confusion, you could almost hear the cogs turning in his head over the music. brother? well that explained a lot of things
• « h-hi, sorry i was... miles away » he apologized before finally shaking the hand your brother was holding out to him
• but once the surprise had passed, another word stuck with him : brother-in-law ? as in « my sibling speaks so highly of you that i’m willing to let you put a ring on their finger even though i have never met you yet » ?
• well, it was good to know that your brother agreed with the plans he’d had for you since day 1...
— AKAASHI
• it was not unusual for akaashi to think that maybe he was not good enough for you. but being actually jealous was a first for him
• he had promised himself to never be too overprotective of you. but the facts were here : it was 3am and the only thing keeping him up was this unknown feeling of pure jealousy
• if he had not been in such a hurry when he witnessed your lighthearted banter and playful fighting with this man in the afternoon, he would’ve come up to you. introduced himself. maybe asked a few questions. if
• suspecting that this unpleasant feeling would not go away unless he talked to you about it, akaashi found himself dialling your number in the middle of the night
• used to his thoughts polluting his mind at unpredictable hours of the day and the night, your ringer was always on. which is why you picked up after only two rings
• « hi angel, i’m sorry to wake you up, i just... » he started, the clarity of his tone letting you know that he had not slept a wink. feeling his hesitation, you were quick to reassure him « it’s ok keiji. what’s going on ? »
• « who were you with ? i mean- this afternoon ? i don’t think i’ve ever met that guy and i was just wondering if... maybe i should ? »
• sitting up straight on your bed, you felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders. if this was the only thing keeping him awake, he should be able to fall asleep in the following minutes. « i was with my brother. but i understand why you were confused, it’s a normal reaction so please don’t blame yourself for that, alright baby ? »
• the gasp you heard on the other end of the line made you chuckle. akaashi’s voice was much less tensed now : « well in that case, yeah i should probably meet him... if you’re ok with that »
• « i’m more than ok with that » you smiled, placing your phone down on your pillow « wanna stay on the phone for a bit ? »
• « that’d be nice », his voice sounded sleepy already, especially above the familiar sound of his covers being pulled up to his chin
— ATSUMU
• how could he put that in words ? he didn’t even know if he was allowed to be jealous because he knew how often you had to see him deal with his many fangirls
• and that was actually what bugged him the most : that he might have already made you feel as shitty as he was feeling now
• but atsumu wasn’t the type to sit down and seriously open up about his feelings. besides, it was much easier to look like a needy boyfriend rather than a vulnerable one
• so he resorted to what he was best at : physical touch as a way to get your attention
• sneaking up behind you, he didn’t give you any warning before wrapping both his arms around your waist and pressing his chest on your back so much that you almost had to bend over
• he really hoped you would be perceptive enough to understand that he wasn’t just being clingy, but in need of a lot of reassurance. and luckily, it was quick to come :
• « tsumu, let me introduce you my brother » you chuckled, understanding how and why he had been mistaken
• one hand still on your waist, he used the other to greet your brother. atsumu did not really seem fazed by the news. of course he was relieved to know that he had nothing to worry about, but this little experience had still been very eye-opening to him
• after your brother had left to give you two some privacy, tsumu’s grip on your waist tightened, but in a softer way
• « ‘m sorry if i ever made ya cry » he let out, completely out of the blue. you didn’t really understand the meaning of this, but it didn’t matter. your hand found its way to his cheek that you brushed lightly with one finger, admiring the how it was slowly turning red. « being jealous sucks... » he added.
• « it does », you approved, giving him a quick peck on the nose. « but there’s nothing and no one that you should worry about, i promise »
• a fond smile lit up his face. you looked sincere, and he really needed to hear that right now. quick as ever, his hands left your waist to come and rest on your cheeks. both holding each other’s faces, you stared at the other for a few seconds, wondering which one of you would give in to a kiss first
TAGLIST : @toworuu @catwithangerissues @miyumiya @livy384 @k0u-minamo2 @fullsundear @hsjvwq @kelsuuki @hiraeth-z @velvetvirgos @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner @47meow @japanesevenom @geektastic84 @noir-blanches-blog @idontlikeyourjob @seiri-ami @atiny-grl-with-luv @admiringlove @nachotrash @kellesvt @aintyourholy @Moonlaeli @catchmewiddershins @duhsies @devilgirlcrybabiey @crystal-lilac @ijustwantfreenetflix @mimaki @maitenight
#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu angst to fluff#haikyuu imagines#suna rintarou x reader#akaashi x reader#iwaizumi x reader#atsumu x reader#suna fluff#akaashi fluff#iwaizumi fluff#atsumu fluff#suna angst#iwaizumi angst#atsumu angst#akaashi angst
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