#and if you don’t celebrate I hope you had a great day regardless! and I will | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

readsaboutreid · 9 days

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Everything To Me

summary: Spencer is in love with his coworker and best friend and goes all out to celebrate her birthday on the day after when she catches her boyfriend in bed with another woman when they arrive home from a case.

this is 100% season 1 spencer

warning: cheating, making out, angst/comfort

“(Y/N)! Wait up!” Spencer stumbled, tripping over his feet as he hurried to catch the elevator with his friend. He covered the distance from his desk to the elevator doors in record time as (Y/N) hit the button to presumably hold open the doors for him. He slid in and stood next to her while panting lightly. He really needed to do some cardio, he noted to himself.

“Wow, with speed like that I should start calling you Barry Allen,” she giggled, making Spencer's heart flutter in the best and most terrifying way and drawing a laugh out of his throat (even though he didn’t really get the reference). He couldn't help it when all he could think about was how much he wanted to hear that laugh every day for the rest of his life.

“Sorry,” he flashed a sheepish smile at her and ducked his head a little bit as he felt his cheeks heat up slightly.

“Hey, uh, I was wondering if you had any, uh, any plans for the evening? There’s a Star Trek: The Next Generation marathon and I know that’s your favorite Star Trek series so I was thinking maybe we could hang out and maybe get some takeout?"

"That sounds like it would be a hell of a time," she began. Spencer could already feel the incoming, "but I promised Warren I'd spend the evening with him since it's my birthday and all." Spencer had to keep himself from making a face at the mention of her asshole of a boyfriend, not wanting to upset her, and so instead he opted to skip over that and react to the next part of her statement.

"Wait it's your birthday? Why didn't you say anything? We all would have done something to celebrate before going home today," Spencer started kicking himself internally. How could he not have known today was her birthday? The two of them had become attached at the hip pretty much since she started at the BAU 4 months ago. She had even celebrated his own birthday with him and the rest of the team.

“Hey, it’s okay! You don’t need to feel bad or anything, I tend to just treat my birthday like it’s any other day so I often just don't even tell anyone when it is,” she shot him a sweet smile in an attempt to assure him that it was okay but it didn't make him feel any less guilty.

Spencer's heart sank a bit at the thought of not being able to celebrate (Y/N)'s birthday with her, but he knew Warren was important to her regardless of how much Spencer and the team disliked him. He mustered a smile and nodded, "No worries, spending time with Warren sounds great. Happy birthday, (Y/N). I hope your day is as wonderful as you are."

(Y/N) blushed at the compliment, waving it off modestly. The elevator dinged softly, indicating they had reached the ground floor. As the doors slid open, they stepped out into the bustling lobby of the FBI building. Spencer glanced at his watch and realized it was already late in the evening.

"Well, I should let you get going. Have a fantastic birthday night with Warren," Spencer said, trying to hide his disappointment behind a cheerful facade.

"Thank you, Spencer. I really appreciate it. We should definitely catch that Star Trek marathon another time," she replied with a warm smile before turning to head towards the exit.

Later in the evening, Spencer found himself sitting on his worn-out couch, a container of lukewarm Chinese takeout resting in his lap as he absentmindedly watched reruns of Star Trek. His mind kept wandering back to the encounter in the elevator with (Y/N) earlier that day. The missed opportunity to spend her birthday with her weighed heavily on his heart.

Just as Captain Picard was about to make a diplomatic decision that could change the course of an entire star system, Spencer's phone rang, jolting him out of his thoughts. He glanced at the screen to see (Y/N)'s name flashing brightly.

With a mixture of confusion and worry, he answered the call. "Hey, (Y/N), is everything okay?" His heart clenched at the sound of her quiet sobs on the other end of the line.

"Spencer," her voice cracked, "can you... can you come pick me up?"

Without another word, Spencer sprang into action. "Of course, (Y/N). I'll be right there. Where are you?" Spencer's voice was filled with concern as he quickly grabbed his keys and rushed out the door, leaving behind the half-eaten container of Chinese takeout and the flickering TV screen showing Star Trek.

As he drove through the quiet streets towards (Y/N)'s location, thoughts raced through Spencer's mind. Why was she crying? What had happened? He couldn't bear the thought of her in distress, especially on her birthday.

Finally reaching the spot where she said she would be, Spencer spotted (Y/N) sitting on a bench outside of a sketchy looking apartment complex, her head buried in her hands. He parked the car and hurried over to her, his heart breaking at the sight of her tear-streaked face.

"(Y/N), what's wrong?" Spencer knelt down beside her, gently placing a hand on her back. She looked up at him with red, puffy eyes, and he felt a crack in his chest

as her trembling voice filled the cool night air.

"I... I waited for Warren at my apartment, but he never showed up or called. I got worried and went to his place," she paused, taking a shuddering breath before continuing, "I let myself in with my key, and... and I found him in bed with another woman."

Shock rippled through Spencer as he struggled to process her words. The image of (Y/N) standing in the doorway of Warren's apartment, witnessing such a betrayal, tore at his heart. Anger flared within him, directed not only at Warren but at the unfairness of it all. How could someone as kind and genuine as (Y/N) be treated so callously?

Without hesitation, Spencer pulled (Y/N) into a tight embrace, offering her solace in the warmth of his arms. He felt her tears soak into his shirt as she clung to him, seeking comfort amidst the storm of emotions raging within her.

As she sobbed into his chest he felt tears pricking his own eyes. He gently cupped her head and started stroking her hair in an attempt to soothe her before saying, “let’s get you into the car, okay?”

As Spencer led (Y/N) to his car, he couldn't shake the image of her devastated face from his mind. The weight of her heartbreak hung heavy in the air, suffocating him with a sense of helplessness. He opened the car door for her, watching as she settled into the passenger seat with a heavy sigh.

"I'm so sorry, (Y/N)," Spencer murmured softly as he started the engine, casting a sympathetic glance her way. "You deserve so much better than this."

(Y/N) let out a bitter laugh, devoid of any humor. "I should have known better than to get my hopes up. This is why I never celebrate my birthday. It’s more trouble than it’s worth," she confessed, her voice laced with resignation and nothing more than a whisper by the very end. Spencer's heart clenched at her words. He wanted nothing more than to ease her pain, to show her that she deserved all the love and happiness in the world.

"You deserve to be celebrated, (Y/N)," Spencer said with conviction, his eyes meeting hers in the dim light of the car. "No one has the right to make you feel otherwise. You are kind, beautiful, and deserving of all the love and joy that life has to offer."

Spencer's words echoed in (Y/N)'s mind as they drove through the quiet streets of the city, the soft glow of streetlights casting a serene ambiance over the car. The heaviness of her heart began to lift ever so slightly, buoyed by the sincerity in Spencer's eyes and the comfort of his presence beside her.

As they reached a stoplight, Spencer turned to (Y/N) with a tentative smile. "How about we make a detour?" he suggested gently. "There's this little ice cream shop a few blocks away. Maybe some ice cream might help lift your spirits."

(Y/N) managed a small smile in return, touched by Spencer's thoughtfulness. The simple gesture felt like a ray of sunshine breaking through the storm clouds that had gathered around her heart. "That sounds nice," she replied softly, her voice still tinged with sadness but with a glimmer of gratitude shining through.

They parked near the ice cream shop, its cheerful neon sign beckoning them inside. The bell above the door jingled as they stepped in, greeted by the sweet scent of freshly made waffle cones and a colorful display of ice cream flavors. Spencer guided (Y/N) to a cozy booth by the window, where they could watch the world pass by as they indulged in their frozen treats.

As they savored their ice cream, the heaviness in (Y/N)'s heart began to thaw, melting away with each spoonful of creamy sweetness. Spencer listened attentively as she shared snippets of her favorite childhood memories, her voice soft and wistful against the backdrop of cheerful chatter from other customers.

Once they had finished their ice cream, Spencer suggested another detour. "There's this little vintage store down the street that always has some classic movies on sale. How about we pick up one of your favorites and head back to my place to watch it?”

(Y/N) hesitated before saying, “I don’t know about picking up anything from a store but is that Star Trek marathon still on?” The slight amount of hope in her voice made Spencer’s heart flutter with a mix of relief and warmth. He had been longing for a chance to make her smile, to see a glimmer of happiness light up her eyes once more.

Nodding enthusiastically, he replied, "Absolutely! We can swing by the store another time. For now, let's head straight to my place for that Star Trek marathon." The anticipation in (Y/N)'s eyes was palpable as they made their way to Spencer's cozy apartment. The familiar scent of old books and fresh laundry greeted them as they stepped inside, the soft glow of string lights casting a warm ambiance over the living room.

Spencer turned the TV back on, dimming the lights to create a cozy home-theater atmosphere. They settled on the couch, surrounded by plush pillows and soft blankets, basking in the nostalgic thrill of the sci-fi classic unfolding on the screen.

As the episode played on, Spencer got up and reheated the Chinese food from earlier and putting it on plates for each of them. He grabbed himself a fork and got one of the sets of chopsticks from the restaurant for (Y/N). As he made his way back to the living room he saw (Y/N) happily rocking back and forth as she watched Data and Geordi share another one of their intriguing engineering discussions. Spencer couldn't help but smile at the sight, a flicker of contentment lighting up his own heart as he handed (Y/N) the plate with her food and settled back onto the couch beside her.

Between bites of General Tso's chicken and sips of hot tea, Spencer couldn't help but feel a sense of peace settle over him. The soft glow of the TV cast shadows across the room, creating a cocoon of warmth and familiarity around them. The gentle hum of the spaceship's engines on screen seemed to lull them both into a comfortable silence, broken only by the occasional chuckle or comment about the characters.

After a few episodes, Spencer found himself stealing glances at (Y/N) out of the corner of his eye, admiring the soft curve of her profile as she watched intently. He could see a spark of joy in her eyes, a fleeting moment of escape from the weight of unspoken emotions that lingered between them. Sensing a rare moment of vulnerability, Spencer cleared his throat softly before turning to (Y/N) with a gentle smile.

"Hey, (Y/N)," he began, his voice soft and tentative. "I was wondering... If you could have done anything for your birthday today, what would it have been?"

(Y/N) paused, her gaze shifting from the screen to Spencer. Her expression softened as she considered the question, a faint blush dusting her cheeks. "You know, I've always wanted to visit the Smithsonian," she murmured, her eyes distant with longing. "And maybe the Botanic Gardens too... It's on my list of things to do someday."

Spencer nodded, committing her words to memory as he filed away the simple desires she shared. He made a mental note to himself, silently vowing to make those dreams a reality for her someday.

As they finished the last episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Spencer noticed the clock on the wall ticking closer to midnight. With a sense of reluctance, he turned to (Y/N) and said, "I hate to cut this short, but it's getting late. I should call a cab for you."

(Y/N) looked up at him, a mixture of disappointment and understanding in her eyes. She nodded quietly, gathering her things and slipping on her coat. As Spencer dialed for a cab, he couldn't shake off the feeling of missed opportunities hanging heavy in the air.

The subdued sound of the approaching cab echoed through the quiet street outside. Spencer opened the door for (Y/N), his gaze lingering on her for a moment longer than necessary. "I'll be picking you up at 11 am tomorrow so be dressed and ready," he said, surprising both himself and (Y/N) with his sudden declaration.

Confusion flashed across her face as she stammered, "But... why? Where are we going?"

"Just make sure you’re ready,” he smiled, ideas blossoming in his mind as he decided he was going to show her what her birthday meant to him. He closed the cab door behind her and waved as the car drove off before turning on his heel and heading back inside, preparing to show his best friend the time of her life tomorrow.

Spencer woke up at 8 am the next morning to the soft rays of sunlight filtering through the curtains, illuminating his room in a golden hue. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he stretched his arms above his head and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Today was going to be special; he was determined to make it a day that (Y/N) would never forget.

Remembering her mention once that morning glories were her favorite flower, Spencer decided to start by weaving a delicate flower crown out of the vibrant blooms he had picked from his backyard garden. As he carefully intertwined the petals and vines into a crown fit for a queen, he couldn't help but smile at the thought of seeing (Y/N) wear it.

After finishing the flower crown, Spencer's thoughts drifted to a memory she had shared with him long ago. Before her parents had passed away, they used to build her a pillow fort and hang fairy lights in it on special occasions. Determined to recreate that sense of childhood magic for her, Spencer set about constructing a fort in his living room. He gathered every pillow and blanket he could find, stacking them strategically to form the walls of the fort. With a bit of effort and creativity, he managed to fashion an elaborate yet cozy hideaway filled with soft cushions and twinkling fairy lights. His PhD in Engineering was finally seeing some use.

As he stepped back to admire his handiwork, Spencer's heart swelled with a mix of emotions. The soft glow of the lights cast a warm, inviting aura over the fort, creating an atmosphere of whimsy and nostalgia. He could almost picture the look of wonder on (Y/N)'s face when she saw it, and the thought filled him with a sense of anticipation.

With the fort completed, Spencer glanced at the clock and realized it was almost time to pick up (Y/N). Quickly changing into a clean shirt and vest and grabbing the flower crown he had made earlier, he made his way out the door, excitement bubbling in his chest.

As he drove to (Y/N)'s apartment, Spencer's mind was a whirlwind of nerves and anticipation. He parked the car a few blocks away, wanting to give himself a moment to compose himself before their day together began. Taking a deep breath, he stepped out onto the sidewalk and started the short walk to her building.

The street was alive with the sounds of the city waking up - the distant hum of traffic, the chatter of early risers going about their day. But in Spencer's mind, all he could focus on was the image of (Y/N) in his mind, wearing the flower crown he had made for her.

Finally reaching her apartment building, he climbed the steps to her floor, his heart pounding in his chest. Standing in front of her door, he took one last deep breath before lifting his hand to knock.

The sound echoed through the hallway, reverberating in Spencer's ears as he waited with bated breath. After what felt like an eternity, he heard footsteps approaching from inside the apartment. The soft shuffling of footsteps grew louder, and Spencer's pulse quickened in anticipation. Suddenly, the gentle click of the door being unlocked filled the air, and it slowly swung open to reveal (Y/N) standing before him.

She looked breathtaking. (Y/N) was wearing a simple yet elegant dress with cute buttons lining the front and a delicate peter pan collar. Her chin length bob was slightly curved under her chin and her bangs fell across her forehead in such a perfect way and Spencer looked away quickly, his cheeks burning when he realized he was staring. For a moment, they stood there in silence, the air thick with unspoken words and emotions.

Then, Spencer slowly brought forward the flower crown he had hidden behind his back, holding it out towards (Y/N) with a shaky hand. “Happy birthday," he finally whispered, his voice barely above a breath as he nervously offered her the crown. The soft petals of the flowers brushed against her fingertips, and (Y/N)'s eyes widened in surprise and delight as she took the flower crown from Spencer's hand. A small gasp escaped her lips as she held the delicate creation, a mix of awe and gratitude shining in her eyes as she looked up at him.

"Spencer, it's beautiful," she murmured as she gently placed it atop her head, her voice soft with emotion. The sun was just beginning to rise, casting a golden glow that illuminated her features, making her look even more ethereal. In that moment, caught in the gentle morning light, Spencer felt a swell of affection for her that threatened to overwhelm him.

After a beat of silence filled with unspoken words hanging in the air between them, Spencer cleared his throat and offered a hesitant smile. "Are you ready to go?" he asked, his heart beating a little faster at the prospect of spending the day with her.

(Y/N) returned his smile with a nod, her eyes sparkling with anticipation as she looped her arm through his, the flower crown perched delicately on her head. They strolled down the bustling street, the city waking up around them with a cacophony of sounds and scents. Spencer couldn't help but steal glances at (Y/N), her presence beside him filling him with a warmth he hadn't felt before.

Their first stop was a cozy bookshop just across the street from her apartment building. The bell above the door chimed softly as they entered, and the scent of aged paper and ink enveloped them in a comforting embrace. Rows upon rows of books lined the shelves, each one whispering promises of new worlds and adventures.

"Pick out as many as you'd like," Spencer said, gesturing to the endless array of titles surrounding them. (Y/N)'s eyes widened in delight, a soft gasp escaping her lips as she wandered through the aisles, her fingers trailing over spines in search of stories. He watched as she made her way through the shelves until she reached the SciFi/Fantasy and Horror section and begin removing books from the shelves, reading the backs and either adding them to the stack in her arms or placing them back on the shelves.

Spencer couldn't help but admire the way (Y/N) immersed herself in the world of books, her eyes alight with a passion that made her even more enchanting. She moved with purpose, carefully selecting each book as if it held a piece of her soul within its pages. His heart swelled with fondness for her, her love for literature reflecting a depth to her character that he found endlessly captivating.

As (Y/N) returned back to him, her arms filled with a stack of books that seemed to reach towards the sky, she gave him a sheepish smile. "I might have gotten a bit carried away," she admitted, a hint of embarrassment coloring her cheeks. “Could you help me narrow things down a little bit?”

Spencer chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners in amusement. "No need to apologize. Let's see what treasures you've found," he said, reaching out to take a few books from her arms. Together, they perused the titles she had chosen, discussing the plots and themes. After they had no luck in narrowing down the pile, Spencer scooped them all up into his arms in a stack and began making his way to the checkout stand.

"Why bother narrowing it down?" Spencer's voice was filled with a playful lilt as he carried the stack of books towards the checkout counter, (Y/N) trailing behind him with a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

"Impressive selection," the bookstore clerk commented as he rung up the stack of books, each title a window into (Y/N)'s interests and desires. (Y/N) beamed at the compliment, her eyes shining with confusion and gratitude as Spencer pulled out his wallet and paid before she could even reach for her own from her bag.

As they left the bookshop, the sun had climbed higher in the sky, casting a warm glow over the crowded streets. The sounds of the city swirled around them—honking cars, lively chatter, and the distant rumble of a passing train. Spencer glanced over at (Y/N) walking beside him, her face illuminated by a soft radiance.

(Y/N) quickly unlocked the door and placed the bags of books onto her dining room table before they walked back outside. Spencer patiently waited as she locked her door before holding his arm out again for her to grab on to as he lead her to his car.

As they arrived at the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum, Spencer's steps were light with anticipation. The air was alive with the promise of discovery, and he couldn't wait to share this world of wonders with (Y/N). The museum loomed before them like a giant treasure trove, its grand architecture a testament to human ingenuity and ambition.

Stepping inside, they were greeted by a vast hall filled with aircraft suspended from the ceiling like metallic birds frozen in flight. (Y/N)'s eyes widened in awe, her gaze flitting from one exhibit to another as Spencer led her through the maze of history and innovation.

"This is the Wright Flyer," Spencer said, pointing towards the iconic biplane that started it all. "It's incredible to think that this simple machine paved the way for all modern aviation."

As they moved deeper into the museum, Spencer's voice became a gentle murmur of knowledge and passion. He regaled (Y/N) with stories of astronauts who dared to venture beyond Earth's atmosphere and the technological advancements that made it all possible. (Y/N) listened with rapt attention, her eyes shimmering with wonder and admiration for both the exhibits and the man beside her.

Each artifact held a story, a piece of history waiting to be unraveled. Spencer's explanations brought life to the static displays, turning them into vibrant tales of human courage and scientific progress. He pointed out the intricate details of each spacecraft, each spacesuit, each photograph, as if they were sacred relics in a grand temple of human achievement.

As they entered the lunar module exhibit, (Y/N) gasped in awe at the sight of the actual spacecraft that had touched the surface of the moon as well as a piece of rock from the moon that was free for visitors to touch. She reached out a hand as if to touch it, but stopped herself, as if afraid to disturb the fragile connection between past and present.

Spencer noticed her hesitation and smiled softly. "It's okay, you can touch it," he encouraged. "Feel the history in your fingers."

(Y/N) tentatively reached out and brushed her fingertips against the cool, pitted surface of the moon rock. A jolt of electricity seemed to pass through her as she made contact, connecting her to a distant world that had once seemed so unreachable. Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears, overwhelmed by the weight of history and the magnitude of human achievement.

Spencer watched her with a mix of admiration and fondness, his heart swelling with a bittersweet ache at the sight of her emotional response. He longed to reach out and comfort her, to share in this moment of vulnerability and connection, but he held back, knowing that some experiences were meant to be felt in solitude.

As they moved on to the space shuttle exhibit, Spencer's voice took on a reverent tone as he explained the intricacies of space travel and the courage of those who dared to venture into the unknown. (Y/N) listened intently, hanging onto his every word as if they were precious treasures. The stories of the astronauts and their daring adventures resonated with her in a way she couldn't quite explain. It was as if each tale of exploration and discovery tugged at something deep within her, awakening a yearning for the stars that had long been dormant.

After exploring the wonders of the cosmos in the Air and Space Museum, Spencer suggested they visit the Museum of Natural History next. (Y/N) eagerly agreed, her curiosity piqued by the promise of delving into the mysteries of the natural world.

The moment they stepped into the museum, a wave of earthy scents enveloped them—the musty aroma of ancient fossils, the fresh green fragrance of preserved plants, and the tangy scent of minerals. (Y/N) took a deep breath, savoring the rich tapestry of odors that surrounded her as they ventured deeper into the exhibits.

Spencer guided her through halls filled with towering skeletons of dinosaurs, exotic taxidermy specimens, and sparkling gemstones that seemed to whisper tales of ancient worlds and forgotten creatures. His voice, now a gentle hum of fascination, wove intricate stories of the natural wonders before them, each exhibit a chapter in the never-ending book of Earth's history.

With every step, (Y/N) felt herself being transported back in time, her senses overwhelmed by the sights, sounds, and scents of a world long gone yet preserved within the walls of the museum. She marveled at the sheer diversity of life that had once inhabited the planet, from the majestic bones of a towering T-Rex to the delicate wings of a butterfly frozen in time.

As they reached the Butterfly Pavilion, (Y/N)'s eyes lit up with childlike excitement. She walked among the lush greenery, her fingers gently trailing over velvety leaves and vibrant petals as she inspected each plant with keen interest. Spencer watched her with a soft smile, his admiration for her knowledge and passion shining in his eyes.

"It’s like stepping into a living kaleidoscope," (Y/N) breathed, her voice hushed with wonder. "Each butterfly and moth, every plant here tells a story of adaptation and survival. Look at this one," she gestured to a plump monarch butterfly sipping nectar from a bright orange bloom, "did you know they migrate for thousands of miles to escape the cold?"

Spencer was happy to listen intently to her spout knowledge that he already held, captivated by the gleam in her eyes and the animated gestures that accompanied each explanation. He found himself falling even more deeply under her spell as she shared her wealth of knowledge, her voice growing more animated with each tidbit of information.

As they wandered through the pavilion, (Y/N) pointed out the intricate patterns on the butterflies' wings, explaining their purpose and significance with a mix of scientific precision and unbridled enthusiasm. Spencer couldn't help but be swept up in her passion, feeling a warmth bloom in his chest at the sight of her so fully immersed in her element. Her rarely used PhDs in Botany and Microbiology shone brightly through her words and actions as she explained the importance of every living thing within the enclosure down to the network of fungal mycelium in the dirt, making Spencer see her in a whole new light. The way she spoke about each species of butterfly or moth, each plant or fungus they saw, showcased not only her expertise but also her deep love and respect for the natural world.

Spencer found himself hanging onto her every word, just as she had done with his tales of space exploration earlier. He admired the way her eyes sparkled with excitement, the way her hands gestured animatedly as if conducting a symphony of knowledge and wonder.

As they reached a secluded corner of the pavilion, (Y/N) knelt down beside a cluster of milkweed plants, her voice soft and reverent as she explained their importance to the monarch butterflies. Spencer watched her intently, a sense of peace settling over him as he observed her in her element. He then checked his watch, his eyes widening in realization as he saw the time. They were going to be late for the dinner reservation he had managed to secure at the new Italian restaurant (Y/N) had been longing to try for months. With a gentle touch on her shoulder, Spencer interrupted her explanation about the symbiotic relationship between the milkweed plants and monarch butterflies.

"(Y/N), as much as I hate to interrupt your fascinating lesson, we should start heading out. We have a dinner reservation," Spencer said apologetically, a hint of regret in his tone.

Startled by the mention of dinner, (Y/N) straightened up, her eyes widening in surprise before a sheepish smile crossed her face. "Oh gosh, I completely lost track of time! I'm so sorry, Spencer. Let's go."

They hurried through the Butterfly Pavilion, their steps quickening as they made their way to the exit. Spencer opened the passenger door for her as they approached his car, and they soon found themselves seated inside as Spencer started the engine. The warmth of the setting sun bathed the interior in a golden glow, casting long shadows across (Y/N)'s face as she fastened her seatbelt. She glanced over at Spencer, her eyes shining with a mix of excitement and anticipation for the evening ahead.

The drive to the Italian restaurant was filled with comfortable silence, the only sound the soft hum of the radio playing a mellow jazz tune in the background. Spencer stole glances at (Y/N) from time to time, admiring how the fading light accentuated her features, casting her in a soft, ethereal glow.

Arriving at the restaurant, they were greeted by the tantalizing aroma of garlic and tomato sauce wafting through the air. The cozy ambiance of the place enveloped them as they were led to their table, nestled in a corner with a flickering candle casting dancing shadows on their faces.

As they perused the menu, (Y/N)'s eyes widened in delight as she scanned the offerings, her excitement palpable. Spencer couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm, feeling a warmth in his chest that had nothing to do with the romantic candlelight surrounding them. This moment, this simple act of sharing a meal with her, felt like a glimpse into the life he had always wanted but never dared to reach for.

Their conversation flowed effortlessly, filled with laughter and shared stories. (Y/N)'s eyes sparkled with joy as she recounted a hilarious mishap at work, and Spencer found himself hanging onto her every word once again. It was moments like these that made him forget about his own worries and fears, immersing himself in the present moment.

As the waiter brought out their food, the table was soon filled with plates of steaming pasta and fragrant sauces. The first bite sent a burst of flavors dancing on (Y/N)'s tongue, and she couldn't help but close her eyes in bliss. Spencer watched her savor each mouthful, her expression a symphony of delight and contentment. The flickering candlelight played on her face, accentuating the curve of her smile and the sparkle in her eyes.

Spencer's gaze lingered on her, a sense of longing tugging at his heart. He wanted to freeze this moment in time, to etch it into his memory forever. The warmth of the restaurant, the soft glow of the candle, the sound of (Y/N)'s laughter – all of it wove together into a tapestry of perfect happiness.

But beneath the surface of their shared joy, Spencer felt a pang of bittersweet realization. This was just a moment, a fleeting interlude in their lives. Tomorrow, they would return to their separate paths, their separate dreams.

As (Y/N) reached for her glass of wine, her hand brushed against his, sending a jolt of electricity through him. Their eyes met, and in that brief moment of connection, Spencer felt a surge of courage wash over him. As they finished their meals, the waiter returned to their table with a flourish, presenting a tray of decadent desserts that Spencer had secretly ordered while (Y/N) was in the bathroom. A smile played on his lips as he watched her eyes widen in surprise and delight at the unexpected treat.

"Spencer, you didn't have to do this," she murmured, her voice soft with gratitude.

"It's my pleasure," he replied, his tone gentle yet tinged with a hint of nervousness. "Would you like to enjoy it here or take it to go and eat it while watching something?"

(Y/N) hesitated for a moment, her gaze flickering between the cozy restaurant ambiance and the promise of a quiet moment elsewhere. After a brief pause, she decided, "Let's take it to go."

Spencer nodded in agreement and politely requested the bill. As he settled the payment, a sense of resolve settled in him, guiding his actions as they left the restaurant. The cool night air caressed their skin as they walked towards Spencer's car parked just around the corner. He opened the passenger door for her, a gesture that was both chivalrous and intimate.

As they drove through the city streets, (Y/N) couldn't shake off the feeling of curiosity that gnawed at her mind. Why were they headed to Spencer's apartment instead of hers, as she had anticipated? Her thoughts raced, trying to find an explanation for this unexpected turn of events.

Upon arriving at his apartment building, Spencer handed her the to-go boxes with their desserts before unlocking the door. A sense of bewilderment washed over (Y/N) as she followed him inside. Before she could voice her confusion, Spencer moved behind her and gently covered her eyes with his hands, guiding her further into his apartment.

The faint scent of his cologne lingered in the air as (Y/N) let herself be led by Spencer through the dimly lit hallway. Her heart raced with a mix of anticipation and curiosity, her trust in him unwavering as he guided her with careful steps. The soft shuffle of their feet echoed in the corridor, creating a rhythm that seemed to match the beat of her own pulse.

After what felt like an eternity of darkness behind her closed eyelids, Spencer's hands finally left (Y/N)'s eyes, revealing a mesmerizing sight before her. As she blinked away the temporary blindness, a gasp escaped her lips at the magical scene that unfolded in front of her.

The room was transformed into a whimsical wonderland – an elaborate pillow fort stretched across the space, twinkling with fairy lights that cast a warm, inviting glow. Soft blankets cascaded down like waterfalls, creating nooks and crannies that held the promise of cozy comfort. The air was scented with old books, eucalyptus, and lavender, adding to the ethereal atmosphere that surrounded them.

Spencer watched (Y/N) with bated breath as she took in the sight before her. The flickering lights danced across her face, illuminating the awe and wonder reflected in her eyes. It was a moment frozen in time, suspended between reality and a dream.

"Happy birthday, (Y/N)," Spencer's voice was barely a whisper, filled with a vulnerability that he had never dared to show before.

Tears welled up in (Y/N)'s eyes, moved by the effort and thoughtfulness he had put into creating this enchanting surprise. She turned to face him, her heart overflowing with emotions she struggled to put into words.

"Spencer, this is... it's perfect," she finally managed to say, her voice trembling with emotion. She reached out to grasp his hand, holding onto it as though afraid this magical moment would slip away if she let go.

As they settled into the cocoon of blankets and pillows, Spencer grabbed his laptop from his desk and popped a DVD into the disc player. The opening to a movie he had never seen but had heard her talk about multiple times, Clueless, played in the background but all he could do was look at her. Under the twinkling of the fairy lights he could almost swear she had to be a fairy herself. That’s the only thing he could think of that would explain her beauty.

As the movie played on (Y/N) explained to Spencer that it was actually an adaptation of her favorite novel by Jane Austen, Emma, which did little to make him feel the main character was more likeable but watching her happily chatter about the movie filled him with a sense of comfort and affection. This is how it should always be, he thought to himself, wrapping his arms around her as she settled against his chest.

They sat and cuddled in a comfortable silence until it was broken by her voice, soft and timid as she said, “hey Spence?”

“Hm?” He hummed into her hair, his eyes closed.

“Why did you do all of this?” She queried, sounding like she was on the verge of tears, which immediately pulled Spencer from his half asleep haze.

Spencer thought about his next words carefully, taking so long that (Y/N) was about to ask if he had fallen asleep before he finally responded. “After seeing you so heartbroken last night and seeing how Warren just tossed you aside like you didn’t matter I just felt like I should show you how much it means to me that you exist." His voice was gentle, barely a whisper as he confessed the depth of his feelings for her.

(Y/N) felt her breath catch in her throat at his words. The vulnerability in his voice touched her heart in a way she had never experienced before. She turned to look into his eyes, seeing the sincerity and care reflected back at her.

Tears glistened in her eyes as she reflexively leaned into his hand as he reached to cup her cheek, caressing it with a tenderness that spoke volumes. "Spencer," she murmured, her voice filled with emotion, "you didn’t have to—I’m not worth all this—I-I don’t—"

He placed a finger on her lips, silencing her words. "That’s what I’ve spent all day trying to show you, (Y/N). You are worth it. You are worth everything to me," he whispered, his gaze unwavering.

In that moment, (Y/N) felt a rush of emotions swell within her, a mix of disbelief and overwhelming gratitude. Her heart pounded in her chest as she gazed into Spencer's eyes, seeing a depth of love and sincerity that she had never expected to find. The weight of his words hung heavy in the air, wrapping around them like a warm embrace.

As they sat there, suspended in time, (Y/N) felt a gentle tug at her heart urging her to lean forward. She hesitated for a moment, uncertainty clouding her mind as she debated the implications of such a gesture. Could she allow herself to be vulnerable again after everything she had been through? Was it worth risking her heart for the possibility of something more?

But before she could overthink it any further, Spencer's gaze softened even more as he leaned in towards her. In the briefest moment of hesitation, his lips hovered centimeters away from hers, silently asking for permission. And just as he began to pull back, (Y/N) plunged forward, closing the distance between them as she pressed her lips against Spencer's. It was a tender, tentative kiss filled with all the unspoken words and emotions that had lingered between them for so long. The world seemed to stand still as they shared this intimate moment, their hearts beating in harmony.

Spencer was momentarily stunned by the sudden turn of events, but as he felt (Y/N)'s warmth against his lips, all doubts and insecurities melted away. When they finally pulled away, they were both met with flushed cheeks and wide eyes. There was a charged energy in the air, a newfound connection that sparked between them like a flame igniting in the darkness.

"(Y/N)," Spencer whispered, his voice barely above a breath as he searched her eyes for confirmation.

(Y/N) simply smiled, a radiant expression that lit up her face with joy and relief. “I love you, Spencer,” falls from her lips before she crashes them back against his.

#criminal minds fandom #spencer reid x you #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #light angst #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x fem!reader #criminal minds fanfic

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tom-whore-dleston · 2 months

Text

Denial and Devotion

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x f. reader

Word Count: 880

This fic contains: preludes to smut, implied smut, amnesia, mentions of squirting and fingering, reader was a Soldier Boy fangirl (like me fr xD), toxic celebrity culture?

Summary: You are in denial that you slept with the Supe you used to crush on.

Notes: I'm just a girl that writes Soldier Boy fanfic at 2am knowing damn well I have work at 9am flksdghk this gif replays in my brain every waking moment of the day I literally hate how hot he is >:( This is my weekly contribution to @flashfictionfridayofficial’s prompt no. 241: Hour of Denial

The moment you rose from your slumber, you knew something was wrong. First off, you woke up in a room that you did not recognize. Then, you realized the cotton sheets of the unfamiliar bed clung close to your bare skin as if you had slept in it before.

You attempted to lift yourself out the bed, but your muscles were weak, soreness more prominent in your hips and thighs. As you winced in discomfort, your eyes widened upon the discolored love bites scattered over your body. Your eyes finally glanced to the opposite side of the bed, only to discover the person occupying it was none other than Soldier Boy.

When you were younger, Soldier Boy was your first crush. At the time, he was presumed dead, but your father would tell you stories about how he was one of the greatest superheroes to ever live. Your childhood room was covered in Soldier Boy posters and you had a doll of him that never left the box. As you got older, you conducted more research on the man you worshiped, but eventually learned that he was a monster in a superhero costume. As a result, you ripped the posters to shreds and finessed some cash off the doll in hopes to erase any trace of your Soldier Boy phase.

You stared in disbelief at the same man that lay peacefully asleep. Your mind raced with questions. The only logical answer to all of them was that you were dreaming. To test the theory, you pinched your forearm as hard as you could. After cursing from the pain, you tried another method by poking Soldier Boy in his meaty bicep. Without fluttering his eyes open, he grunted in annoyance and rolled over.

If your head wasn’t already spinning, it definitely was at this very moment. You slithered out of the bed, making sure not to disturb the sleeping man, and frantically searched for your clothes. In a hurried attempt, you shimmied back into your little black dress from the night before. Regardless of whether this was all a dream or not, you silently vowed that you are remaining sober for the rest of the month.

“Where you going so fast, sweetheart?” You turned toward the groggy voice that belonged to Soldier Boy, who was propped up against the bed frame with his muscular torso in view. It felt as if no time had passed since the beginning stages of your devotion to Soldier Boy. Your eyes scanned over his physique with a hunger that only he could satisfy. Heat radiated your body and you stood paralyzed in your unzipped dress, leaving enough uncovered for his imagination to run wild.

As Soldier Boy hopped out of bed, you swiftly turned away as his thick cock unveiled from the thin sheets. He began walking towards you, but you ignored him by fiddling with the zipper on your back. You grew frustrated with the zipper’s defiance the closer the beefy supe inched towards you. His intense stare begged for your attention until he took matters into his own hands by lifting your chin up to his gaze. Your heart pounded against your chest as his green eyes studied your face. Except there was no studying necessary.

“I’m a little embarrassed by this,” you laughed nervously, “but I don’t remember anything from last night.”

Soldier Boy smirked. “Want me to give you a reminder?”

“Oh, that won’t be necessary.” You paused. You may not have been as infatuated with the supe as much as you once were, but you didn’t want to come off as rude. “I mean…I’m sure last night was great but I shouldn’t impose-“

“Great? Well if you define squirting on my fingers and cock until you begged me to stop as great then maybe I gotta fuck you harder.”

You were about to let out a moan, but quickly masked it with a sigh. Every part of you wanted to hate him but the ache in between your legs betrayed your voice of reason.

“You can play the ex-fangirl game all you want, but you and I know you never truly get over your first crush.” There wasn’t a more pathetic feeling than regressing back into that naive girl who treated a flawed superhero like a god.

Suddenly, your back hit the wall and Soldier Boy towered over you, his arm the only thing keeping him from pressing you against the wall to grind into your core. His free hand hooked under the strap of your dress, slowly pulling it off your shoulder. As the dress pooled around your feet, he lightly kissed the crook of your neck, electricity coursing your blood as his beard pricked your skin.

His hot breath fanned over your ear. “There’s no need to deny me anymore, sweetheart. I’m here for you to worship and fulfill all your pretty little fantasies.”

Fuck it.

All your common sense flew out the window as you desperately smashed your lips against his. Gripping your wrists, he pinned you against the wall before grinding his semi hard cock against your wet pussy.

Soldier Boy may have been the biggest pain in your ass, literally and figuratively, but he was right about you never fully recovering from your first crush.

Navigation | Fanfic Masterlist | Soldier Boy Masterlist

header credit: @saradika | divider credit: @firefly-in-darkness

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bradshawsvinyl · 2 months

Text

Begin Again Part Three

As a first grade teacher, you couldn’t help but fall for your sweet student and her very attractive Navy fighter pilot father.

part one. part two.

Bradley woke up the next morning feeling hopeful. It had been a long time since he had felt so attracted to someone. He knew you were Tara’s teacher and that both put you in a weird spot but he couldn’t help himself.

After getting Tara ready for school and dropping her off, he made the drive to base. He wanted to talk to Phoenix about what he should do next. Pursuing you could put both him and Tara in an awkward position and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He was Tara’s father before anything else and if starting something with you would be harmful to Tara in any way, he would just have to push his feelings aside.

“Nat,” Bradley called out as he saw her across the hallway.

“Rooster. Hey,” Phoenix replied when she spotted him. “How are things going with the hot teacher?”

“I gave her my number yesterday. She’s helping me out with Tara after school until I get off work.” Bradley said, blushing.

“No way Bradshaw,” Phoenix said excitedly. Phoenix was Bradley’s best friend and at the end of the day, she wanted what was best for him. It had been so long since she had seen Bradley try to pursue a woman for more than one night. She knew his feelings were genuine.

“Yeah,” Bradley said smiling. “I’ve never felt this way before. I barely know her but I just feel a connection. I think she feels it too.”

“You should ask her out.” Phoenix thought out loud.

“No way,” Bradley said while running his fingers through his hair. “I can’t do that. What if she says no? I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t ask.” Phoenix said, staring at a distressed Bradley. “Just try. What’s the worst that could happen?”

After his conversation with Phoenix, Bradley started thinking to himself. What was the worst that could happen? If you said no to his advances, he could live with that. It wouldn’t be the end of the world.

As he went to pick up Tara from school, he decided to make a quick trip to the local grocery store to pick up some flowers. He figured it would be a nice gesture regardless of whether you chose to go out with him or not. He truly did appreciate all your help with Tara.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Tara asked as you both sat together and colored.

“No.” You said while coloring a picture of a butterfly.

“My daddy could be your boyfriend.” Tara replied not even looking up from the page she was covering. “He doesn’t have a girlfriend but he tells Aunt Phoenix that he wants one all the time.”

Just as Tara finished her sentence, Bradley knocked on your open door. “Hey ladies.” He said jokingly at the sight of you and Tara.

Tara did her usual routine of running up to Bradley and hugging him while excitedly telling him about her day. You sat back and began cleaning up your classroom and packing up your bag for the day.

Bradley told Tara to start grabbing her belongings while he walked over to you. “I wanted to give these to you.” He said, holding out the flowers he purchased for you earlier. “As a thank you for all your help with Tara. It means a lot.”

You grabbed the flowers and mumbled a quick thank you to Bradley while smiling and blushing.

“I wanted to ask you something too,” Bradley started. “I have a sitter for Tara on Saturday night. There’s a small bar by my house that we could hang out at if you’re interested.” Bradley let out a short breath. The ball was now in your court.

“I’d love to.” You replied a little too quickly.

“Great.” Bradley said. “I’ll text you the details. See you on Saturday,” he said while giving you a small wink. He held Tara’s hand and led her outside of your classroom.

Once he had left, you silently celebrated. Bradley and you were going on a date. You had never felt so excited.

#rooster x reader #top gun fanfiction #rooster x oc #rooster fanfic #rooster top gun #rooster imagine #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley bradshaw #rooster bradshaw fic #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #top gun x reader #top gun 1986 #top gun maverick #my writing

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babydollmarauders · 6 months

Text

MEDIA MANAGEMENT — JACK HUGHES (23-24 SZN PART 14)

au masterlist

notes: this is short and i apologize, but i’ve had an extremely busy day and didn’t have much time to write but i wanted to get this out before tonight’s game!

y/ndevils00

liked by trevorzegras, tmeier96, and 308,619 others

y/ndevils00 WE’VE TAMED THE WILD!

SEE YOU AGAIN NEXT SEASON, MINI-SODA!

tonight, my (and hopeful your) favorite boys in white and red, won the second game in our back to back games with the Wild! making us 2/2 in our games against them this season!

we had a great FIVE goals tonight compared to mini’s measly three! i’m incredibly proud of all 4 of our goals scorers, AND the magical puck that flew into the net on its own about 15 minutes into the first! that was insane, am i right?!

and even more exciting, we only had TWO penalties tonight! 🥹 they’re finally listening to me!

my lil rabid chihuahua almost got into a fight tonight, which would’ve solidified his rabid status! but alas, he did not, and Timo the Train stepped in to defend him— which both spoiled my fun and saved me from heart failure; i’m not sure whether to be mad or grateful, so i’ve decided to be both! never limit your emotions, kids! be dramatic! i promise, it’s fun!

babygirl DID, however, draw a penalty on one of his former bffl’s, moldy boldy, for interference! which took us to the power play and secured dougie’s fantastic goal tonight— which was assisted by none other than the man who snores in my ear every night! giving him his 20TH POINT OF THE SEASON!! I’M SO PROUD OF YOU, MY LOVE! I’M GONNA KISS YOUR FACE!

tagged holtz_10, tmeier96, lhughes_06, jackhughes, jesperbratt, dougieham, and vitacz15

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lhughes_06 before you say it: i’m not gossiping. i fell.

y/ndevils00 that sounds like something someone that was gossiping would say

lhughes_06 then what would someone who WASN’T gossiping say?

y/ndevils00 idk, i’ve never NOT gossiped. and usually you gossip with me

jackhughes i have so many comments on this, idek where to start

y/ndevils00 you could start by telling me you love me? 🥰

jackhughes mhm i love you- why rabid? why chihuahua? why the snoring? please never call him “moldy boldy” again

y/ndevils00 i love you too! because you’re a bit feral sometimes! you’re tiny and yappy! i felt like it was pertinent information! i will.

jackhughes I’M TALLER THAN YOU! (wtf does “pertinent” mean?)

y/ndevils00 WHAT DOES THAT MATTER?! (relevant, baby! it means relevant!)

dawson1417 i didn’t do it :(

y/ndevils00 NEXT GAME!

dawson1417 next game!

john.marino97 are you guys just gonna do this after every game until dawson gets a point?

y/ndevils00 @/john.marino97 we’re bound to be right eventually! next game!

john.marino97 i guess i can’t argue with that logic… next game!

tmeier96 i did that for your own good. i could not risk him getting hurt because then you’d be sad

y/ndevils00 but a fight would’ve been entertaining!! if you’re gonna prevent a fight then you have to at least have one of your own! those be the rules!

tmeier96 i’ll keep that in mind??

nicohischier thanks for facetiming me and giving me a play-by-play run down of every single thing that happened

nicohischier i think i could’ve gone without the jack comments though

y/ndevils00 wdym? you DIDN’T want me to tell you how hot he looked? that’s YOUR boyfriend too, ya know!

nicohischier nope. i can guarantee it’s not!

y/ndevils00 i have photographic evidence

nicohischier pictures of us hugging to celebrate a win or goal is not “evidence”

y/ndevils00 i have about 475,000 people who think otherwise

nicohischier your followers don’t count

y/ndevils00 i have about 2* people who think otherwise

nicohischier neither do merc or johnny

y/ndevils00 *i* think otherwise

ehaula i wouldn’t necessarily say we started listening to you, i think we just did pretty good at staying out of the box this game

y/ndevils00 why do you do this? do you not wanna be my favorite uncle?

ehaula i’m your favorite uncle regardless. don’t lie.

trevorzegras go hughesy! that’s my best friend!

y/ndevils00 yeah? well he’s MY boyfriend, so HA!

trevorzegras this wasn’t a competition, y/n. you don’t need to assert your dominance

y/ndevils00 sorry, i had a nightmare last night

trevorzegras about what?

jackhughes that i realized i was in love with your “slutty ways” and i left her for you

trevorzegras aww, y/n! you’re intimidated by me and jack’s love!

y/ndevils00 i actually just know you’re a slut

trevorzegras all i’m hearing is that you’re jealous of me

y/ndevils00 then get your ears checked

#media management au!#media management series <3 #jack hughes #jack hughes x reader #jack hughes imagine #jack hughes fic #jack hughes blurb #nj devils #nhl fic #nhl imagine #faithlynn’s insta edits <3 #faithlynn’s writings <3

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fallingforfictionalcharacterss · 10 months

Note

Hellooo,

I want to request a story where Mclaggen flirts with the reader and gets to close, so she kisses her best friend Draco to get rid of him. But he gets pissed when he finds out that she only did it to get rid of him. Happy ending pls

Thank you so much for your request, I really enjoyed writing it! I feel my writing style is closer to my older fics again at this one (I´m not sure if this is a good thing yet). However, I hope you enjoy reading it!

Friends to lovers

Warnings: alcohol consumption, harassment

A/N: Just a quick note for all the girls out there (and everyone else who will ever get in a situation like this): Please remember that it is always okay to speak up if someone makes you feel uncomfortable and never be afraid to make a scene if necessary (only if you feel like it´s safe obviously), regardless what other people around you might think or say about it. These feelings are completely valid and much more important than what others might think.

Also, since this fact might get lost in this fic: Consent is always key, always remember this, regardless of what situation you are in or what the relationship with the other person might look like.

“So what do you think? The silvery or the green one?”

You narrowed your eyes as you tried to conjure the images of the dresses in your mind.

“The green one. With some silvery jewellery.”

“Maybe the necklace you got me for my birthday?”

You grinned at your friend.

“I was thinking the exact same, Pansy.”

“Oh yeah, and what do you think, Draco? Which shirt should I wear tonight? The black one or the black one?”, you were suddenly interrupted by a deeper voice.

The blond boy pouted as if he would actually think about his answer.

“I think you should wear the black one, Blaise.”, he finally answered. “It stresses your eyes.”

“You´re too kind, Draco. And such an amazing help.”

You shared an annoyed glare with Pansy, which made the boys give in and burst into laughter.

“But honestly”, Blaise stated when they had finally calmed down again, “I don’t get why you make such a fuss about it.”

“It´s just a party. The two of you should calm down a bit.”, Draco agreed with his friend.

You nudged him playfully.

“Says the boy who takes about an hour to style his hair every morning and still gets it ruined in the first ten minutes afterwards.”

Draco touched his hair, looking slightly offended as a rosy shimmer spread across his cheeks.

“A malicious allegation. It looks like that naturally."

You shared a knowing glance with Pansy, fully aware of the fact that what Draco had just stated was nothing but a lie.

“It´s nothing to be ashamed of, Draco.”, you chirped as you smiled at him sweetly.

“It´s actually very attractive if a guy cares about his appearance, you know?”, Pansy added, making Blaise almost choke on his pumpkin juice.

The four of you were sitting in the Great Hall at breakfast and the most important topic of the day was the upcoming party tonight. By now, you had finished all your exams for the year and Salazar, that was for sure a reason to celebrate. And at one of the biggest parties of the year, Pansy and you obviously wanted to dress up at least a bit, eager to escape the everyday look of your school uniforms. And to do so, you were even willing to take some rude comments from your friends.

“As if I would be in need of such things.”, Draco returned, shooting Pansy a deadly glare, while Blaise still tried to catch his breath.

“Because unlike some of us”, Blaise stated, when he had finally recovered, as his eyes darted from Pansy to you and back to Pansy, “we don’t have to put in any effort to look great.”

“While Pansy and I, unlike some of us, are aware of how we can maximize our God-given beauty. It wouldn´t hurt you to try this as well at some point.”

“So you can´t even argue with the fact that we´re just irresistibly attractive, can you?”, Blaise grinned.

“It makes me want to worship the ground you´re walking on.”, you said, your voice dripping with sarcasm.

But while you were making fun of it, even you couldn’t deny that Blaise, as well as Draco, actually had some kind of effortless beauty. They were attractive, you couldn’t deny it, however, you would rather bite off your tongue than ever actually admit it to the boys.

“That doesn´t mean you couldn´t optimize it though.”, Pansy stepped in. “Maybe some eyeliner for Blaise and I bet Draco´s eyes would pop out more if we would curl his lashes…”

“And maybe ruffle up his hair a bit…”, you added, laying your arm around Draco´s shoulder in a sneaky attempt to get your hand closer to the neatly styled hair, but Draco realized immediately what you were up to and caught your hand with his.

“Don’t you dare. Do you know how much time it takes me to get this done? Won´t let you ruin it just like that.”, he growled.

“So you admit it.”, you stated with a triumphant shimmer in your eyes.

Draco looked at you irritated.

“Admit what?”

“That you style it."

Your friend hesitated a moment, before he grumbled: “Never said I wouldn’t. I just pointed out that you have a tendency to exaggerate.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Sure you did.” You sighed and rested your head on your friend’s shoulder. “But jokes aside. You look… well, let’s say at least acceptable, styled hair or not.”

Draco let out a low chuckle as he wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you even closer.

“Likewise, princess.”

And on the other side of the table, Pansy and Blaise couldn’t hide the smirk on their faces as they watched the scene in front of them, sharing a glance in silent agreement.

Later that day, Pansy and you made your way to the Slytherin common room. Pansy had indeed chosen the green dress, certainly enjoying the compliments you had showered her with as you had seen her all dressed up. You had dressed up yourself, not looking too bad as well and certainly more than just acceptable and -as Pansy noted- even Draco wouldn’t be able to help himself but admit that you did so.

And in fact, when you entered the common room, where Draco and some of your other friends were already waiting for you, the blond boy´s eyes widened slightly as he noticed you.

“So, what do you think? Is this acceptable?”, you smiled at Draco as you walked up to him.

Draco´s eyes wandered up and down your body, as he took his time to come to a conclusion. When his eyes met yours again, there was something in his gaze that you couldn’t quite grasp, something that made you blush for some stupid reason, but it was soon replaced by a cheeky grin.

“Finally, I don´t have to be ashamed to be seen with you for once.”, he responded.

When your attempt to slap his arm in response failed and Draco laughed at your pathetic try, you took some time to eye the boy as well. The Slytherin looked unfairly good in his black suit he always wore to such occasions. It somehow made the twinkle in his eyes only look brighter, especially now, that he tilted his head as he laughed. And also…

“Your hair!”, you stated in surprise as you noticed how some strands of Draco´s normally neatly styled hair framed his face.

The grin on the boy´s face only grew wider.

“Only did so for you, love.”, he teased.

“Oh yeah, for sure.”

“So what do you say? Do you like it?”

You eyed him sceptically. But no matter how hard you tried, you had to admit that there was absolutely nothing to criticize – neither about Draco´s hair nor about any other part of his appearance. For a second you got lost in the way he smiled down at you, way too smugly, yet in your eyes still looking just perfect.

“What? Got lost for words?”, Draco chuckled as he noticed your gaze.

You snapped out of your trance and quickly shook your head, not only as an answer to his question but also as an attempt to get rid of the strange feeling in your stomach as you looked at your friend.

“I told you it would suit you. Isn´t that surprising I was right once more, is it?”, you said with a shrug of your shoulders.

“You aren’t complacent at all, are you?”

“Says you”, you countered right away.

“Are the two of you done flirting now, or do you want us to excuse you for tonight?”, you were suddenly interrupted by Pansy´s mischievous voice.

You turned around, glaring at your roommate.

“You don’t actually expect me to answer this, do you?”

Pansy just shrugged her shoulders in response, pulling a face that made you suspect you rather didn’t want to know what she would say next. So you linked your arm with hers and pulled her towards the exit.

“What are we waiting for then?”, you asked.

The party was already in full swing when you arrived. It always amazed and irritated you at the very same time when you saw the students of the different houses in harmony with one another. Since none of you were wearing your school uniforms anymore, from time to time it was hard to even recognize which house the different people you barely knew were from. However, many of them -especially Slytherins- stuck to the colours of their houses, making it easier to at least suspect where they belonged, and somewhere on the other side of the room, you noticed Luna Lovegood, who had created some jewellery from eagle feathers. People were dancing, talking and laughing, on the dancefloor, at the improvised bar someone had built up or just lazily sitting in one of the seating areas.

The moment you stepped through the door, someone handed you a drink and you carefully sniffed on it. Just from the smell, you were pretty sure that whatever had been mixed into it, the night would be a very certain kind of fun.

Pansy had already raised her glass.

“To the end of torture and oppression!”, she cheered, before taking a way too big swing from her cup.

“To the end of torture and oppression.”, you agreed laughingly before you nipped on your cup as well, pulling a face. You certainly would need to take it easy if you didn’t want to wake up with some bad headache tomorrow.

When you had finished your drink, Pansy practically pulled you on the dancefloor, while Draco along with Blaise found some poor excuse to get over to the comfortable couches, meeting up with Crabbe and Goyle.

You didn’t even know how long you had been dancing, just enjoying the music and the company of your friends, when suddenly Pansy nudged you.

“Draco´s looking over!”, she yelled into your ear.

You turned your head, looking to the boys who still remained rooted in their spots in the seating area, and saw that Draco was indeed watching you. When he caught your gaze, you waved at him excitedly, which made your friend curve his lips into a small smile. But that smile quickly fainted as you tried to beckon him over, signalling him you wanted him to join you dancing. But while Draco was extraordinarily good in standard dances, he detested the stiff frippery without any clear rules with every fibre of his body. That´s why Draco just shook his head firmly at your efforts and quickly turned his head to his friends, engaging in the conversation again.

With a shrug of your shoulders, you turned around to Pansy again.

“If you don’t want it, you already have it.”, you said, slightly disappointed, yet not actually surprised at Draco´s rejection.

“I highly doubt it´s the dancing he´s interested in.”, Pansy mumbled under her breath and over the loud music, it was hard for you to understand.

“What was that?”

Pansy sighed.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

You threw your friend an irritated glance, but Pansy didn’t seem to want to deepen her explanation.

But while Pansy just went back to dancing, you felt your throat slowly getting dry from the yelling and the heated temperatures in the room.

“I´ll get myself a drink. You want something too?”

Pansy gave you a thumbs up and you made your way to the bar on the other side of the dancefloor.

You had just grabbed your drinks and wanted to make your way back through the crowd when suddenly someone touched your shoulder. You turned around and groaned quietly. Cormac McLaggen was standing there, grinning down at you. You detested this guy more than any other student in this school, not only because he was a Gryffindor, but mostly because he had a certain reputation regarding his handling of girls. You still remembered how -not long ago- he had tried to get close to Hermione Granger, and even though you didn’t exactly like the smart-alec Gryffindor girl, you had felt slightly sorry for her when you had watched the constant inappropriate attempts to get the girl. And the fact that he was standing now in front of you with that slimy grin on his face made you suspect that he was up to no good.

“Lovely (Y/n). I see you got me a drink as well.”, he grinned, stepping even closer to you.

You resisted the urge to step back and instead straightened your back, trying not to show how uncomfortable he was making you feel already.

“It´s for Pansy.”, you answered cooly.

“But I´m sure Parkinson can get herself a drink, can´t she?”

“So can you.”

“But then I wouldn’t have a reason to keep your company any longer.”

“That´s the plan.” You really weren’t in the mood to stay quiet or polite just out of respect for a guy’s feelings, especially if said guy happened to be McLaggen.

But he didn’t seem to mind the slightest.

“You´re really a tease, (Y/n), aren’t you?”, the Gryffindor chuckled, as he stepped even closer and put an arm around your waist.

“Let go of me. Right now.”, you hissed through gritted teeth, having to use all your willpower to not hex the boy on the spot.

“Why should I?”, McLaggen responded.

You looked at him in disbelief. Was he actually that stupid that he actually didn’t get how uncomfortable he made you feel? Or did he simply not care about it? And most importantly how would you get out of this situation most elegantly. You weren’t scared to make a scene in front of all these people, but you were pretty sure that McLaggen would hold it against you and even though you would be able to get rid of him like this for now, you weren’t sure how long it would last. So you took a deep breath, trying to get calm yourself down again.

“I need to get back to my friends."

“Why? You think they would grudge you some fun?”

“This isn’t fun for me, McLaggen.” You stressed his last name, trying to make clear that you didn’t feel like you were on a first name basis with him at all.

“C´mon (Y/n).” Well, that certainly didn’t work. “We´re just getting started. I promise you won´t regret this.”

But if he wouldn’t let go of you soon, he certainly would. But instead, he pulled you even closer.

“I´ll pass on this.”

You looked around, trying to find a familiar face to get you out of your misery, a place you could save yourself to, but the only people you spotted were Pansy and Draco who were standing next to the dancefloor, their eyes wandering through the room, probably already looking for you since you had already disappeared for much longer than you had originally planned.

“What is it (Y/n)”, McLaggen whispered into your ear, making goosebumps creeping over your skin in the most uncomfortable way. “Don´t got someone else to do the job, do you?”

Oh, if McLaggen only knew how much he had just scored his own goal.

“Oh well, you know, actually I do have someone to -as you just expressed so elegantly- do the job.”

You smiled at the boy sweetly, while the Gryffindor frowned.

“You do?”

“How come you don’t know yet? I thought most people did by now.”

You didn’t even have to hide the grin on your face as you saw McLaggen looking utterly confused.

“I didn’t.”

“Well, now you do.”

You quickly wriggled out of the boy´s grip and wanted to leave with a smug grin on your face, but McLaggen caught your wrist and held you back once more.

“Who is it then?”

You hesitated for a moment before you looked over to your friends still standing a bit off the beaten track and your gaze settled on a certain blond boy, who was talking to Pansy, for now completely unaware of his spontaneous promotion. You turned back to McLaggen and locked your eyes with his, not blinking once, as you said: “Draco of course.”

McLaggen looked at you in surprise.

“Draco? You mean Draco Malfoy?”

You rolled your eyes.

“Do you know any other?”

“But I always thought the two of you were just friends.”

“Ever heard something about the term friends to lovers? Honestly, McLaggen read a book someday.”

“But this is the real world, (Y/n).”, McLaggen frowned.

You had to try really hard to hold back a groan. That guy was harder to get rid of than the juice of a Mimbulus mimbletonia.

“But my fairytale has come to life. So if you´ll excuse me now, my boyfriend”, you stressed the word, “is probably already looking for me and I really want to get back to him.”

And without waiting for a response, you turned on your heel and made your way back to your friends.

When you had almost reached them, a smug grin still covering your face due to your recent award-winning performance, you turned your head around one last time, only to see McLaggen still watching you, lips pursed and arms crossed in front of his chest. Maybe you hadn’t been as convincing as you had hoped or maybe it was just his wounded pride, but if he would keep on watching you that closely, he would realize rather soon that what you had just told him had been nothing but a bluff. At that moment a second terrific idea followed the first one. And without thinking twice, you walked up to your friends with the sweetest smile on your face.

“Finally, (Y/n), what took you so long?”, Pansy asked you as you handed her the drinks.

“Sorry, I was delayed.”, you said, before you turned around to Draco.

“But you couldn’t stay away from me too long, could you?”, he teased with that familiar twinkle in his eyes, as he grinned down at you.

You returned his smile immediately.

“You have no idea.”, you responded before you grabbed him by his collar and pressed your lips on Draco´s without hesitation.

It was fireworks exploding.

You weren’t quite sure what you had been thinking when you had decided to kiss your friend, but it didn’t matter anymore.

You weren’t quite sure, how you had been expecting his lips to feel on yours, but you certainly hadn’t expected them to feel so soft against yours and fit just so perfectly.

You weren’t quite sure how you had expected to feel when you would kiss Draco, but it hadn’t been like this. You hadn’t expected the electricity buzzing through your body the moment his lips touched yours. You hadn’t expected the relief you felt as Draco didn’t push you away but pulled you only closer. You hadn’t expected to feel like air was only the second most important thing in your life as his lips slowly started to move against yours as well.

You heard Pansy gasping somewhere in the back of your mind, but it sounded muffled, just like any other noise around you. Every sensation that wasn’t linked to Draco and the moment you just shared felt just doll compared to the intense feelings rushing through your body. Every centimetre of your body was on fire and Draco´s heated skin against yours only fuelled the fire. The taste of the drink he had had still lingering on his lips felt intoxicating, just as the way your hands slowly wandered from Draco´s collar to his hair, while he pulled his arms around your waist, holding you so close, you felt as if your bodies might immerge with one another.

You didn’t know how long you stayed like this, holding each other tight, but finally, you ran out of air after all and slowly, you backed up again. As you opened your eyes, the sight in front of you was truly magical. Draco´s cheeks were rosy and his swollen lips slightly parted, as he panted heavily, his hair not only slightly ruffled anymore, but a total mess.

The Slytherin leant his forehead against yours and grinned down at you.

“Well, that was unexpected.”, he said, his voice sounding unusually raspy.

You didn’t answer and just nodded as you stared at him in awe.

You had never seen Draco as much more than a friend. You had always been really close and you had always been aware of the fact that he was quite attractive, but you had never seen him in the same way you did now. You had never felt the butterflies in your stomach somersaulting, had never had the urge to be as close to him as you did now, had never wanted to press your lips on his again so badly.

Draco brushed a strand of your hair that was falling into your face behind your ear, before his thumb traced over your cheek and finally your lips, which probably looked like a mess by now since you saw some light traces of your lipstick on Draco´s.

“So tell me, love, how did I deserve this special kind of attention from you tonight?”

For a second you were almost irritated. What did Draco think why one would kiss someone else? But then you remembered that your intentions for the kiss had originally been slightly different from the ones you had on your mind now.

When you didn’t answer and the boy in front of you saw the look of indecisiveness in your eyes, his face fell.

“Salazar, (Y/n), please don’t tell me you´re already so drunk that you just run around and kiss random people.”

The sharpness in his voice made you snap out of the trance you had been in ever since your lips had first touched his.

“What? No! No, I´m not drunk at all!”, you objected before you realized that this was probably just what a drunk person would say. So you took a deep breath and continued: “It´s just… McLaggen came up to me when I just got the drinks and was… well, he was McLaggen and he wouldn’t want to leave me alone, so I told him I had a boyfriend. And you were the first to come to my mind and I knew he probably didn’t believe me, so I thought if I´d kiss you he´d leave me alone.”

Only now that you said it out loud, you realized how stupid you must have sounded. Draco and you had never been anything but friends. What in Merlin´s name were you thinking to just walk up to a boy who had never shown any romantic interest in you and kissed him without even explaining the situation to him or asking him if he was okay with it?

“That´s what this was about?” Draco´s voice sounded even sharper than before, making you flinch.

“Look, Draco, I´m sorry. I know this probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but I… I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking, and I panicked and I somehow thought you´d be okay with this and…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself, (Y/n).”, Draco cut you off. “I get it. McLaggen is an idiot and I… I´m just glad you got yourself out of the situation, alright?” But Draco didn’t sound like he thought it was alright at all.

You nodded, eyeing him sceptically.

“So, you´re okay with this?”

Draco shrugged his shoulders. When he looked at you, the warm look in his clouded eyes had disappeared, and instead, his eyes were sparkling coldly at you now.

“Obviously. That´s what friends are there for, aren’t they?”

You gulped. For some reason, the word friends wasn’t quite fitting anymore for what you saw Draco as. You hadn’t believed that a stupid kiss could ever change your feelings the slightest, but somehow it did. Even though you weren’t quite sure if your feelings for Draco had actually changed within the last few minutes or if you had just become aware of something that had been buried under all those memories and experiences of the last few years, but what you knew for sure was that when Draco called whatever the two of you were friends, your heart clenched in a way you had never felt it before.

Still, you nodded.

“Yeah, you´re right. Friends. That's what they´re there for.”, you echoed weakly and forced a smile onto your lips.

For a moment, the two of you just stared at each other, before Draco finally nodded as well and took a step back.

“Well, since my job is done now, you don’t need me anymore, do you?” And without even waiting for an answer, he added: “I´ll get some fresh air now. It´s too crammed in here.”

With that, he turned on his heel, leaving you alone, staring at the spot he had stood only seconds ago.

“What in the name of Merlin was that all about?”, you suddenly heard a soft voice next to you.

When you looked up, you saw Pansy standing there, still holding the drinks you had handed her before your attack on the boy who called you his friend.

“I… this was… well, you heard what this was about.”, you responded defensively.

“Well, you can´t tell me that this was about you getting rid of that nasty Gryffindor.”

“Would that be so hard to believe?”

“After I´ve seen the two of you almost eating each other up and looking at each other like some fools in love? Trust me, it is.”

“Neither we ate each other up, nor are we fools in love.”, you snapped back, probably a bit too harsh for just trying to set the record straight.

“Oh yeah, this was purely platonic.” Pansy rolled her eyes.

“It was supposed to look real.”, you contradicted.

“And Draco knew that too?”

No, he didn’t. He had had no idea why you had been kissing him, still, he had kissed you in a way you hadn’t even dared to dream of.

“It was just the heat of the moment. I surprised him. And he would have felt bad to turn me down.”

“Oh, yeah, you have already assumed this for him, didn’t you?”

You looked at your friend irritated. You weren’t in the mood for guesswork right now, too many thoughts were running in circles around your mind.

“I mean, you kiss that poor boy like no one has ever done before and the next moment you explain to him that it was just to get rid of some jerk?"

“I know I should have just asked him first to make sure he is okay with it, but…"

“You really think that this would make any difference?”, Pansy interrupted you.

You sighed fretfully.

“If you got anything to say, Pansy, just spit it out. I´m really not up to your games right now.”

Pansy let out a small huff, not sure if she was supposed to laugh or grab you by the shoulders until you would finally realize it yourself.

“You really can´t be that blind, can you?”

You only frowned and Pansy sighed.

“(Y/n), you are aware that this guy had been head over heels for you since forever, aren’t you?”

“Who?”

“Draco, you foolish lunkhead! Who do you think we´re talking about?”

You stared at your friend in disbelief.

“Pansy, this isn’t funny.”

“Oh, I know, it really isn’t. It almost hurts physically to see the two of you interact with each other and how you are completely clueless to everything he does, even if Draco is behaving like a complete idiot around you.”

“You´re serious about this, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am, silly. Salazar, the way the two of you act is really so much more than anyone could ever make up in their head.”

“So you really want to tell me that Draco has a thing for me.” “Being hopelessly in love with you is more fitting, but if you want to put it this way, yeah, that´s what I´m trying to tell you.”

You felt the butterflies erupting in your stomach once more as your cheeks heated up to an unknown extent.

“I… I didn’t know…I mean, if I… I really had no idea…”, you stuttered, not quite sure what to say.

“Don’t you say.”, Pansy responded sarcastically, but then she grew more serious again. “The real question now is how you feel about it.”

How did you feel about it? On the one hand, all you wanted to do was run to Draco and kiss him until you were out of breath again for the rest of your life, but on the other hand, this feeling was so new and strange to you that you weren’t quite sure how to deal with it.

“I don’t know. I mean, I never even thought about the possibility that Draco and I… that we might ever be anything more than friends. It´s all we ever were, and I never had any doubts that we always would be.”

“But what about now? How do you feel about him now?”

You hesitated for a moment before you responded carefully: “Different.”

“And is this a good thing or a bad one?”, Pansy asked, but from the look on your face she already knew the answer before the words even left your mouth.

An uncontrollable smile spread across your face as you thought about the feeling of Draco´s lips on yours and the way that he had looked at you right after they had parted again.

“It´s a good thing. Really good.”, you smiled.

“Then you should probably tell him, shouldn’t you?”, she asked, the smirk on her face clearly visible in her voice as well.

You nodded.

“I will.” You shot your friend a thankful glance. “Thanks, Pansy.”

And with that, you turned around, following Draco into the dark.

The castle grounds were quiet at this time of the night. A few people were standing here alone or in small groups to get some fresh air, but still, it was quiet and from time to time you had the feeling to be all alone out here.

You weren’t quite sure how you knew where to go, maybe it was because of the strong tie between Draco and you that you had misinterpreted so badly, or maybe it was something else, but somehow your feet carried you to the place Draco was standing without fail. You spotted him leaning against the wall of the castle right away, his light hair shimmering in the dim light shining through the windows, mixing with the one of the moon shining down on you. You were pretty sure Draco had heard you approaching him, or maybe he was too lost in his own thoughts to do so, but as you got closer to him, the boy kept on staring into the void, showing no signs of recognition.

“Draco?”, your voice was soft, so soft you weren’t even sure if he had even heard you because he still didn’t react.

You cleared your throat before you tried once more.

“Draco?” This time your voice sounded stronger.

Draco however, still didn’t look at you, but a small shrug of his head signalized you that he had heard you. You took this as a sign to step even closer. Your heart was beating fast in your chest. You were scared. Scared that you might have ruined whatever relationship you had with Draco beyond repair, and if it didn’t yet, that your next actions would do so after all.

“I was looking for you.”, you spoke up again, not quite sure how to start the conversation properly.

“You found me now, didn’t you?”, Draco responded, his voice sounded cold and his eyes were still fixed on an invisible point in front of him.

You took another step towards the boy and leant to the wall next to him, not close enough to touch you, yet close enough to feel his presence next to you. You felt him tense as you did so, yet, he didn’t shy away.

A few moments of silence passed, as neither of you said a word. You looked up into the sky, letting your eyes getting used to the darkness until they finally spotted some stars glistening above you.

“It´s a beautiful night, isn’t it?”, you tried again.

Draco just hummed in response.

After another few minutes of silence, you couldn’t bear it anymore and tore your gaze apart from the night sky and looked at the boy next to you instead.

“Listen, I´m really sorry about what happened earlier. This wasn’t okay.”

“I already told you, it´s alright.”

You shook your head vigorously, even though you weren’t sure if Draco could even see.

“No, it really isn’t. I behaved like a complete idiot in there. Not only that I… that I just kissed you, but also what I said to you afterwards. I really screwed this up.”

“It doesn’t matter, (Y/n)”, Draco said, his voice still apathetic. “You did what you thought was best at that moment. And, I mean, it didn’t mean anything anyway, did it?” The last few words sounded different, a mix of bitterness and the hope that you might contradict. Before your talk with Pansy, you probably wouldn’t even have noticed, but now you did. And it almost broke your heart.

“That´s not true.”, you contradicted in a low voice.

Draco´s gaze flickered in your direction for a second, before he looked away again. Yet, he didn’t answer.

“It meant something. I mean, I know it did for you and I…” You paused for a second, thinking about what you should say next. “It meant something to me too, you know? I didn’t know that it would but it did. Much more than I ever thought it would.”

“It didn’t. Neither for you nor for me. I think we both made that very clear.”, Draco spit out, his voice not nearly as calm as it used to be, even though he tried really hard to hide it.

“Did we?”

“We did. We´re friends. That is what you said and what I said as well. We´ve always been and we always will be. Ain´t that hard to understand, (Y/n), is it? Even you should understand that.”

“I know you have a thing for me.”, you blurted out. You didn’t mean to do so. You had wanted to approach the topic more carefully, trying not to hurt Draco´s feelings or embarrass him, but the way he behaved like a stubborn child, made it impossible for you.

Draco froze for a second, before he shrugged his shoulders, looking anywhere but at you.

“And if I did? Would it change anything?”

The fact that he didn’t contradict you right away, didn’t call your assumptions ridiculous or even laughed at you, made even the last doubts you still had had about Pansy´s words disappear. Your heartbeat quickened even more, even though you weren’t quite sure if it was from annoyance or affection.

“Would it… Draco, this would change everything!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Draco this… what happened tonight… the kiss… this wasn’t just about McLaggen.”

“You said it was.”

“Because it was. I mean kind of. But not like this. I… Merlin, Draco. At first, I kissed you because of him. But all of this felt just so… When I kissed you it just felt so good, and then you kissed me back and I had the feeling as if all the stars would suddenly align. It felt as if it was the right thing to do and it made me wonder… no, it made me know for sure that this is what I want. That you are what I want. Not as a friend but as… more. And I know that I´m an idiot that it took me that stupid kiss to realize and if you are mad at me now, you got every reason to be, but if you let me ruin the possibility of… of us just because I screwed this up then you are just as much of an idiot as I am.”

You hadn’t even realized how much you had raised your voice until you fell silent again and you couldn’t hear any other noises but the muffled music coming from inside and your own heartbeat echoing in your ears.

A few moments passed and neither Draco nor you said anything. Your thoughts were racing and in your mind, you already prepared yourself to not only lose the potential relationship Draco and you could have, but also the one that you had had ever since you came to Hogwarts. But just as you wanted to apologize and leave Draco alone again, the boy suddenly let out a sigh and stood up straight again, turning around to you.

The expression on his face was unreadable as he said: “Love, you should know that I´m way too smart to be an idiot.”

It took you a moment to process his words, but as you did, a small spark of hope lit up in your chest again.

“Does that mean, that...”

“It means”, Draco interrupted you, “that I´m willing to give this a chance.” He smiled at you smugly as he saw the uncontrollable grin spreading across your face. “If that´s what you want to, of course.”, he added slyly.

“I think to know this for sure, I might need to try something again at first.”, you responded.

And this time you didn’t have to pull Draco down to you, but he leant down willingly, meeting your lips halfway.

And even though this time you were prepared for the feeling, it still almost swept you off your feet with full force and you had no doubt that your legs would probably have given in if it wouldn’t be for Draco holding on to you tightly.

When you pulled back this time, you felt neither conflicted nor confused. All you could feel was your love for the boy in front of you rushing through your entire body and the only critical thought that was left was the question of how you could have ever mistaken your feelings for the blond Slytherin for anything else but love.

You leant your head onto Draco´s chest, listening to his steady heartbeat that was far too fast, a fact that you would have probably teased him for if you wouldn’t have known that yours did just the same.

“You have no idea how long I wanted to do this.”, Draco mumbled, before placing a small kiss on the crown of your head.

And he was right indeed. You had been completely oblivious to his feelings for so long, but now that you finally knew, it was making you happier than you could ever find the words to describe.

“Merlin, I love you, (Y/n).”, Draco mumbled, making yet another wave of heat flush through your body. But before you could even answer, he quickly added: “You… you don’t have to return this or anything. I just… I wanted to tell you for so long and… well, now I just had to.” You smiled as you heard the insecurity in his voice, something he barely ever showed to others.

“It´s not like I… maybe just take me on a date first, okay? I just… I don’t wanna rush things right now if that´s okay with you.”

“Anything for you, princess.”, Draco smiled, making your heart practically melt, as you snuggled yourself even closer to him.

“But one thing you have to tell me.”, Draco spoke up after a few minutes of comfortable silence. “You didn’t just have a brainwave, did you? Someone told you that I… well that I might like you more than just a friend.”

You felt your cheeks heating.

“Maybe Pansy gave me a little hint.”, you mumbled into his chest, making Draco chuckle deeply.

“A little hint?”

“Well, maybe it was more than that.”, you admitted. “She pretty much threw it in my face and I still didn’t catch it.”

“I always knew that you´re not the fastest broom in the sky.”, he grinned, making you frown.

“At least it didn’t take me… how long? Weeks? Months? To get a girl and then not even telling her but letting others do the job.”

“Actually it´s been years, if you really want to know. But I guess now McLaggen was good for something at least once.”, Draco responded. “Doesn’t mean I won't hex him the next time I´ll see his stupid visage.”

“If you´re hoping for me to stop you, I certainly won´t.”

“I was rather hoping you´d help me with it."

“So we can serve detention together? Romantic.”, you laughed.

Draco cupped your face with his hands and made you look up at him. You could see the mischievous sparkle that you had always loved so much glistening in his eyes.

“That´s just how I am, love.”, he responded, before he pulled you in yet another kiss.

And it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

Taglist: @xodracomalfoyxo @marigold-morelli @army24—7 @lbhmoon @cappgyuccino @writingwitch007 @myomy0ss @tinafuentes @dmslvt @Slytherin4eva @foulkryptonitepeanut @chillcheesecake @pottertea @webswatts @jaiistg

#draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco x female reader #draco x you #draco x y/n #draco fluff #draco fanfiction #draco fic #blaise zabini #cormac mclaggen #gregory goyle #pansy parkinson #vincent crabbe #slytherin reader #slytherin #fanfic #fanfiction

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mothwingwritings · 1 year

Text

Christmas Traditions with Baki, Retsu, Katsumi, Hanayama, Biscuit, Jack, Doppo, Yujiro, and Motobe <3

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! I hope you are all having a fun, nice, peaceful holiday! I wanted to write a little something for the day (I actually started a full on Christmas fic but very quickly realized I would run out of time oops) so here’s a little blurb I whipped out during down time at work. It’s nothing huge, and it’s basically unedited, but I wanted to give you all a little present of sorts if I could. I know I take forever to update and post things, so thank you all for your patience and being wonderful superb humans. I love you all~

So HAPPY HOLIDAYS! If you don’t celebrate-I hope you have a bitching weekend regardless. B)

(Also this is my first attempt at writing something slightly romantic for Yujiro where he isn’t horrible, so there’s that loooool)

Warnings: None really, it’s very fluffy. Maybe the tiniest hints of sexy stuff?

Your tradition with Baki is opening presents early. He never really had much of a holiday growing up, so the prospect of having a traditional Christmas with the person he loves gets him amped. Though you told him countless times you don’t really need material possessions from him, he approaches the task of gift giving with a sense of childlike enthusiasm. He’s thrilled to act as ‘Santa’ for you, feverishly going over in his head all the things you have ever mentioned wanting or liking in the course of your relationship. You in turn also have fun shopping for him, happy that you get to create pleasant memories for him during the holiday season to replace all the lackluster ones. The day’s leading up to Christmas mount his anticipation-he is as pumped to see and spend time with you as he is to exchange gifts. You’ll be lucky if you can get him to hold out tearing into presents by Christmas Eve, let alone the day of.

͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

Your tradition with Retsu is preparing a big meal. Christmas isn’t something that Retsu ever really celebrated previously, but he knows it’s an important and fun time for you so he wants to make it special for the both of you. He’s delighted to spend the day with you, and takes great pleasure in cooking a holiday meal the two of you can enjoy. So though he may not go all out on decorations or other holiday activities, you are sure to have a delicious feast in preparation for you at home-a mix of your favorite holiday foods and some of his own favorite recipes. He pours his heart and soul into it, and is sure to shower you in love and affection throughout the day. Seeing your face light up in joy as you take in the food spread before you is the only assurance he needs that he’ll have the honor of being your personal holiday chef many years to come.

͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

Your tradition with Katsumi is sightseeing. Christmas Eve each year is spent out on the town as you take in all the sights and activities the holiday season has to offer. You look at lights, listen to carolers, go ice skating, grab some hot cocoa/coffee. The whole day you stay linked arm in arm, smiling so hard your cheeks start to hurt. And when it’s time to wind down in the evening you both return home together to spend the remainder of the night wrapped up in each other’s arms, falling asleep to the favorite holiday movie or show of your choosing. He always seems to last longer than you do and considers those moments when you are nestled safely in his arms, right before he drifts off after you, some of the happiest moments of his entire life.

͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

Your tradition with Hanayama is traveling. It doesn’t matter if you want to go someplace warm and tropical, or cold and frozen. It can be the same place each year or someplace new. As long as he’s able to whisk you away from the hustle and bustle of your daily lives and spend the season in your presence, he really doesn’t give a damn where the two of you end up. He wants to be around you and only you, the best present he can provide and receive being your happiness and love. Just understand that as soon as your reach your destination, that’s when the real holiday magic begins ~

͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

Your tradition with Biscuit is story reading. Biscuit’s life is chaotic, and the holiday season does little to lessen this burden. Sometimes it can feel like you barely have time or access to each other at all. That’s why on Christmas he makes sure to dedicate the entire day just for you. Nothing fills him with warmth and peace like Christmas night does, snuggled up together in front of the fire place, taking turns reading each other Christmas stories from an old, well-loved book you’ve had since childhood. When you first suggested it you were afraid he would find it silly or childish, but he was delighted by the idea. He loves listening to you speak, finds peace in the stories your voice weaves for him. He can think of no better way to spend the holiday.

͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

Your tradition with Jack is a movie marathon. Like his brother, he doesn’t have too many fond memories of Christmas time to reflect on, so when you enter the picture you made it your mission to change this. Appalled that he hadn’t even seen the classics, you suggest a movie night, complete with homemade cocoa and all the Christmas cookies you can eat. You were concerned he may not like the idea at first, Jack wasn’t one to sit around for long periods of time and you were worried the movies may just bore him. But as he held you firmly in his laps, basking in homemade treats and your silly commentary, you knew this was the right move. Even as he poked fun at some of the films, calling them ‘kiddie movies’ you were ‘forcing him to watch’, you knew the small smile on his lips and the way he held you close relayed what he was truly feeling. This was cemented when he finished the marathon with the question “Same time and place next year?”

͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

Your tradition with Doppo is decorating. He humored you when you told him you wanted to do up your home for the holidays, and he let you go all out when it came to picking out and purchasing decorations. Unfortunately for him, all those decorations meant you needed help putting them up-and he was your prime target for assistance. Though originally he agreed begrudgingly, he ended up having a lot of fun decorating with you. It warmed his heart to see the smile that graced your lips as you dressed the tree, and he took great joy in the playful banter you shared over what decoration looked best in this corner of the room, or if the star atop the tree was crooked or not. It was also nice showing off for you whenever heavier decorations needed to be assembled, he lived for the little blush the fell over your face as you laughed, telling him his flexing and posturing was ‘too much’. Next year he’d have to remember to purchase some mistletoe to add to the arrangement, he already knew the perfect place to hang it ~

͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

Your tradition with Yujiro is skiing. You had never done it previously and were concerned how good you would be at it. It also didn’t help your anxiety that the one who invited you was Yujiro, and he had gone out of the way to clear out the entire slopes for just the two of you. But even with all your nerves the trip ended up being surprisingly peaceful and enjoyable. Yes, Yujiro picked at you and was obviously disappointed with your lack of immediate skiing skill, but he was also shockingly patient and helpful, giving you tips and guidance that made navigating the slopes much easier. Hours flew by without you realizing, and by the end of the day you were exhausted, but had successfully navigated a hill all on your own (albeit it was a beginner one, which Yujiro made sure to make fun of you for, but a slope is a slope in your humble opinion). Thinking this was a onetime deal you thanked Yujiro for the experience, letting him know it was the most fun Christmas you had had in a while. You were taken aback when he busted out laughing at you, explaining you weren’t anywhere near done-he’d repeat this every year necessary with you until you could get on his level.

͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

Your tradition with Motobe is to build a fire. It’s a simple thing, and not necessarily a strictly Christmas event, but you both find happiness huddled up together on Christmas night by the fire. You relish in each other’s company, sipping a warm beverage, sharing a blanket, and talking about anything and everything under the sun. The only time any banter occurs is when you argue over who needs to leave the comforting warmth to go get more firewood. This goes on late into the night until the two of you are too tired to keep your eyes open. The final words to leave both of your lips are affirmations of love and the promise to make the New Year great.

͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

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natsbaby · 1 year

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Merry Christmas

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: after being a couple for a little over 5 years, you believe its time to take the next step with your beloved

Warning: nothing!

A/N: Happy Holidays everyone! Hope you guys are having/had a great celebration either with family, friends or even by yourself <33 sorry is this story is a lil out of wack but i hope you guys still like this regardless!!! :DDD

It’s finally that time of the year where it is socially acceptable to blast Christmas songs and to wear your collection of ugly christmas sweaters leading up to your favorite holiday of the year. You’ve always loved Christmas growing up and this year, you plan to make it extra special by finally proposing to the love of your life.. well, that is if you could actually propose.

“I’m so sorry babe but Fury just assigned a really urgent mission and I might not make it back in time for the holidays”

Now typically, you’re used to this kind of situation with your girlfriend being a very reliable member of SHIELD so its not uncommon for Fury or even Hill to assign Nat on a last minute mission. Hell, you’re normally very chill with that and just let it be but with your plans coming up and the stress of preparing your surprise, you just lost your chill.

“Oh i’m gonna kill that man” you grumble as you cross your arms and narrow your eyes at your poor victim girlfriend.

“I know baby and you have every right to get mad, but I promise to wrap it up as soon as I can okay?” She cooes softly as she wraps her arm around your waist while using her free hand to gently untangle your arms so you could hug her back without throwing a punch. “Please forgive me with this, it’s Christmas after all”

“I know thats why I’m annoyed” your eyebrows furrow even further causing Nat to smile softly at how adorable you look. “Don’t give me that smile”

“I know, sweetheart I know” she chuckles softly as she gives you a soft peck on your forehead causing your eyebrows to relax and for her smile to widen. “I’ll make it up to you, and I’ll be leaving tomorrow anyway so-“

“Tomorrow?!” You exclaim causing you to take a step back from Nat’s arms, who tightens her grip on you while giving you a warning look. “Oh that’s unfair”

“I know detka but as I said, I’ll make it up to you when I get back. So please calm down, forgive me, and enjoy our last few hours together before I’ll be gone for a week.. please?” She gives you the puppy eyed look that just melts your heart causing you to sigh in defeat and nod in agreement.

“Please make it back safe alright? I still want to have a girlfriend who’ll come back home to me without a new bullet hole on her” you mumble as you allow yourself to melt into her arms while she gives you a tender kiss on the top of your head as she laughs softly at your teasing.

“Always, baby”

“I’m so lonely” you mumble as you sit in the middle of your living room with Liho keeping you company while you prepare your proposal for Nat. “I know I shouldn’t blame her for this but..”

The meow of response from Liho causes you to stop what you’re doing and glance over to the black cat as he looks at you.

“Yes I know even she didn’t wanna do this but-“ another meow of response causes you to roll your eyes and sigh in thought. “Yea.. she’ll be home soon anyway.. just 2 more days then she’ll be back”

The cat gets up from his very comfortable spot in front of the electronic fireplace and struts towards you, crawling onto your lap and purrs for attention. You chuckle softly as you put down the thing you were working on, and gently run your hand thru his fur. “You know for a cat, you make a lot of sense”

Liho stares at you for a moment before closing his eyes and melts onto your lap while you pet him causing you to laugh.

“Okay you lil shit, if you’re gonna stay here you might as well make yourself useful”

To: Y/N <3

From: Natty <3___<3

Hey babe, I’m almost home and can’t wait to see you. Please dont open my gift for you yet, i’d know <3

“Oh please i’m not that crass” You roll your eyes fondly at the text message before shoving your phone back into your pocket. You clasp your hands together as you look around your masterpiece that you spent almost a month on. “Okay.. you can do this”

You hear a meow from your favorite man as Liho jumps up onto the couch and watches you pick up the ring box from the counter. “You know what to do, now come on its show time”

Nat knows deep in her heart that you’re the one for her since the moment you caught a waiter for staring at her cleavage throughout your 3rd date together and had to make sure the black eye you gave him wouldn’t cause a complaint or anything. She knew that you were someone she could see a future with, which is why she was also devastated to not celebrate Christmas with you so when she ended the mission early and could possibly make it before the day ended, she made sure to fly the jet faster than normal.

As she approaches your shared apartment, she could already hear the faint christmas music playing inside. She couldn’t help but smile as her heart warms up knowing her entire world is just right there. She unlocks the front door with her own set of keys, and enters to see your living room decorated with balloons up on the ceiling and a huge “will you marry me?” banner hanging on the wall with you dressed in the dress you wore in your first date- a black off shouldered dress that ends right below your knees with gold accents throughout the bottom half of the dress that looks like little fireworks- right in front of it with the ring in your hands.

She slowly drops her bags with her eyes glued to you and slowly walks up to you as you nervously fidget with the ring in your hands.

“I know this isn’t really how I imagined this to go but..” you trail off, gulping from the nerves before chuckling softly, something Nat learned to be your nervous tick throughout your years together.

“Before we got together, you said that love is for children and that you aren’t worthy of love because of the ledger and stuff.. I told you then that it wasn’t true and that everyone deserves a second chance” you trail off as you feel your emotions starting to bubble up your throat causing your voice to break a little only for you to clear your throat and try to get thru the speech you prepared. “I never told you this but at that moment, I promised to myself and to whoever is out there listening that I’d do anything and everything to make sure that you’d never feel unworthy of what should be the most beautiful emotion out there ever again.. you deserved to be loved by someone may it be me or someone else- though preferably me”

Nat rolls her eyes slightly at the last comment before chuckling softly. She wipes her tears with the back of her hand as she continues to listen.

“I can’t promise a perfect marriage because who are we kidding, we’re literally the two most stubborn people in this galaxy” you start as you couldn’t help but tease, allowing Nat to laugh out at the truth behind that causing you to smile. “But I can promise you to always be here, waiting for you to come home everyday and to love you with my entire being and more because while I know I dont have the power to fight bad guys, I do have the power to love you the way you deserve so.. Natalia Romanova.. will you marry me?”

“Oh sweetheart” Nat starts as she gets down on her knees in front of you so she could cup your face, wiping the tears rolling down your cheeks with the pad of her thumbs. “Yes I’ll marry you”

“Really?” You can’t help but ask as your eyes light up. Nat couldn’t help but melt at the sweet innocence you have and grins as she nods.

“Of course, I wanted to propose to you when I got home” your eyes widen at the confession as you watch Nat take out the ring from her bag and you both laugh at the possibility of having the same proposal plans. You put the ring onto her finger as she does the same to you, allowing the other to just admire the rings on your fingers.

“Gosh I love you so much Nat, Merry Christmas” you say with so much emotion that she couldn’t help but swoon at the thought of marrying someone like you. You wrap your arms around her neck as she wraps her arms around your waist, resting your forehead against hers as she gently gives you a soft peck on the lips.

“Merry Christmas detka, everything I have and everything I am is all yours”

#natalia romanova x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanova x you #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natalie rushman x reader #natasha romanoff imagine

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irondad-defensesquad · 4 months

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I love you (you don't have to say it back, though)

Also posted on AO3!

My last work this year. Happy New Year to those who celebrate it! Still hope you have a great day today :)

Tony was usually not allowed to go to his father’s workshop. When he was very small, he was able to sneak inside, but the more he grew up, the less frequent it became. Not with Howard becoming increasingly angrier at him.

By the time Tony went to boarding school, he knew better than to bother Howard.

Except, occasionally, his father would take him to the workshop without saying much. He just expected Tony to follow him without protest.

But don’t be mistaken. Tony couldn’t tell Howard about school or his day overall. He couldn’t ask for help with his homework (after all, Tony was supposed to be smart on his own). Their time was strictly professional, not some father and son bonding.

The boy had to be stiff and silent like a rock the entire time, unless Howard asked him to build something while bearing a judgmental glare, already expecting Tony to fail. Either the man would say nothing, or he would straight up say Tony was doing it completely wrong. Regardless, that always meant their lab time was over and Tony would be kicked out of the workshop.

Nowadays, Tony had his own workshop where he allowed anyone to come in, bots or not. Someone in particular has been coming here a lot more.

It’s so different from the past. Tony and Peter are not even working on the latter’s suit anymore. They’ve abandoned their tools and Peter’s homework has been put to a stop. What for?

Peter has been ranting about Star Wars and how unfair it is the way people have been treating some of the new characters from the most recent trilogy.

Arguably, Tony has only seen the original trilogy years ago, but he was never a fanboy. He might not understand everything to the lore, but he’s not at all bored or annoyed by Peter’s long ramble. He’s listening all the way through, never looking away.

Peter seems to have not noticed Tony staring at him with all the attention in the world, because suddenly… The kid gradually quiets down and stops talking, his cheeks turning red in embarrassment.

“... what?” Tony asks, confused. “Why did you stop?”

“Do you think I’m annoying?”

Tony sits closer to him. “No, of course not.”

“Why? I talk too much and- gosh, I’ve been ranting for half an hour about Star Wars…”

“Hey, I don’t mind.”

“But it’s so stupid, Mr. Stark.”

“Kid, it’s not stupid. It matters to you. Besides, you could talk about literally anything and I would listen all the way through.”

“Why?” Peter doesn’t believe him. “Are you just saying that to be nice?”

It hurts Tony hearing the kid’s insecurity.

He squeezes one of Peter’s shoulders.

“Oh, kid… I mean what I say. I like listening to you. I…”

… that word.

Love.

Is he going to say it?

“... I like having you here.”

Ah, dang it.

Still, the light in Peter’s puppy eyes returns. They look like the clean starry sky they can see from upstate. It does sting Tony’s heart how surprised Peter is to hear those words. He feels regret for not letting the kid know how much he likes his company. Tony will make sure to correct that from now on.

He pulls the kid in a half hug, squeezing him. Peter is very stiff at first, but he eventually relaxes and lies against Tony’s shoulder like a cat. If Tony isn’t seeing things, the teen is probably about to cry.

After this, they go back to work. Peter asks for help and Tony guides him. When the kid solves it, Tony praises him.

Then, the two leave the workshop together to eat ice cream and watch a dumb sitcom.

Tony eventually notices Peter has been staring at him with the same stars in his eyes.

But not in a mere fanboyish way.

After that, Peter lies against Tony again.

“I like being here, too,” he says simply.

It shouldn’t be surprising, right?

Still, Tony’s eyes blur.

Nothing rolls down, but truly, he’s not made of iron.

And that’s more than okay.

Tony smiles and lies his head on top of Peter’s, wrapping an arm around the kid.

Maybe he didn’t say what he meant just yet… but maybe Peter knows it.

Still, Tony will say it. He promises that.

#lotus speaks #irondad #fics #my fics #drabble #abuse tw #neglect tw

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waitingforthesunrise · 4 months

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MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE EVERYBODY!!! today is also the last Sunday of advent — the day of Love — which in the liturgical calendar brings our four week season of waiting and expectation to a close. we’ve had weeks of Hope, Peace, and Joy; today is Love!! I don’t usually post about ‘religion’ or what many people would consider religion, but today is a special day for me and I’d like to share it with you! today I’m lighting a pink candle on my altar to meditate and remember the love I’ve been given and the love I’ve shown.

and so much of my time was spent thinking about you guys!! this space really is my family and I’ve had so many geniunely life changing experiences here. regardless of wether or not you celebrate advent, Christmas, or anything else, im sending you some extra love today (if you accept it; if not, no worries :))

today is about the shift of a season. it arrives right after the winter solstice, and now we are looking forward, into lighter days and brighter hearts. today is about new chapters in old stories. today is about love, which isn’t always what we perceive as happy or joyful. love is a baby born on a stable floor. love is there in a field full of angels and shepherds; love is there when you’re crying on the bathroom floor; love is there in the loneliness and heartbreak and the deep grief of three am. love is the juxtaposition of glory and grief. of happiness and heartbreak. And the angel said to them, ‘Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.'” Fear not for the goodness of joy is reaching you in despair. fear not for glory is unafraid. fear not because love does not demand worthiness. fear not. you are loved.

so if the holiday season finds you crying or lonely or overwhelmed or scared of the upcoming year, it’s okay. we’re going to make it through this together, I promise. you’re so strong and brave and it’s a very hard world to be alive in, but you’re doing it and I’m so proud of you. you are so loved regardless of anything else, and you aren’t alone :))

Merry Christmas. I love you 💜

#tw christianity #tw religion

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givemeasinglekidney · 1 year

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Lights Are On | Tsukishima K.

Sorry for not updating! Life got insane if I listed it all out I’d have to make an entire paragraph

Also sorry for not posting the Suna one, I got commissioned to do this one! So I hope you enjoy!

This week seemed like nothing but a drag. For starters, Monday you woke up late, and your alarm clock didn’t go off because your phone wasn’t plugged in and died. The rest of the week seemed like nothing but loads and loads of homework assignments. And to top it all off, you just barely failed your math test. The world had it out for you.

But you had one thing to look forward to.

Your boyfriend.

Tsukishima Kei.

You two met when you were younger, in your first year of middle school. He was trying out for boys' volleyball, and you wandered into the wrong gym by accident trying to find the girls' volleyball gym. You ran into him and that sparked a conversation of witty remarks and sarcastic comebacks. Safe to say, he had some respect for you.

The summer before your first year of high school, he had asked you out. Everything in your eyes was perfect.

You were so supportive of him with volleyball. You ended up quitting because the girl's team wasn’t consistent and you thought of exploring your interests. Michimiya acknowledged your way of thinking and directed you to student council. You thought It’d be great for your future so you signed right up.

You were not prepared

You were not prepared at all.

You didn’t expect there to be so many projects you’d have to take on. All the papers that needed to fill out were insane. You bit more than you could chew due to others who weren’t putting in their effort. This led to you pulling multiple all-nighters and setting aside your needs.

But you always made time for him.

Every game of his you came to cheer him on, regardless of how he told you not to. You knew deep down he appreciated it.

With your combined workloads, you guys didn’t have much time to hang out or go on dates. You barely saw each other at school due to him being in class 1-4 and you being in class 1-5. That's how you made friends with Yachi and Kyoko.

It was finally Saturday and Tsukishima had a game. You were loaded with work, but the thought of seeing someone who loved you made the day a little bit better, so you went.

You knew this was important to him. It was the big game against shiratorizawa, the deciding factor on which team would go to nationals. You had faith in him.

But your heart dropped the moment the ball hit his fingers. By the way, he bent down, you knew something was up. You slowly recognized the red blood dripping from his skin as he walked off the court with Kyoko following behind. You were panicked. How could you not be?

You knew they wouldn’t let you into the nurse's office to see him, so you texted his phone. You may or may not have gone just a little overboard with worry and sent good 20-ish texts asking how he was.

Before you knew it, he was running back onto the court with Kyoko in toll. You couldn’t help but find it a little strange as he didn’t respond to your messages.

The game was over. They had won.

He had won.

You were so excited, you ran down to the first floor to congratulate him. It was crowded but you didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was him.

You reached the floor and made your way to the team. At the sight of everyone being celebrated, you spotted two blonde and green-haired best friends talking. Yamaguchi’s parents never show up to games, and Tsukishima’s brother was still making his way down.

As you walked closer, you started to hear their conversation.

But your demeanor surely changed.

“I’m sure they were just worried for you-” The shorter one spoke

“I don’t care. It's annoying and they should know it.” Said none other than your dearest boyfriend.

“I don’t need to be babied. I’m fine and it’s annoying as hell for them to constantly spam my phone over a small injury. I barely see them anymore, if they truly cared they’d make more time for me. There’s no way they’re that busy. I'm getting sick of it.”

Oh.

oh…

Your heart shattered.

That’s really what he’s been thinking all along.

Was everything just a lie?

You were in shock. You woke out of your trance as someone bumped your shoulder. Yachi and Kyoko were making their way through.

“Oh hey!” Yachi waved at you. “I’m so glad you made it! It was awesome wasn’t it!”

“Yeah…” You looked down, “It was.”

Kyoko looked at you with slight concern. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh it’s… um, it’s nothing.” You tried to laugh off, “I just have a lot of work to do, so I’ll be going.” And before they could say anything, you walked off.

You walked your way back home, pace slightly fast as you wanted to be in the comforts of your room before the tears fall out.

You reached your front door and slammed it shut. You couldn’t even slide down the door and wallow since you had papers to fill out. Taking off your shoes, you trekked your way to your room, not bothering to state your presents as your parents weren’t there. They barely were.

Being at home alone all the time made you feel like a ghost.

Like you’re just floating.

Like the lights were on, but nobodies home.

As you worked and worked, downing a coffee and a half, the clock went from 18:07 to 2:28. You had a headache and you weren't even done yet. Stacks of paper filled your desk as your laptop sat parallel to you, the glow making your head hurt worse.

Then there was a very faint knock.

You laid your head in your hands as you bent over onto your desk, fighting the urge to cry. Why was the world against you? All the work. All the pressure. All the absence of those who you loved.

Who you thought loved you.

The knock repeated.

You didn’t bother getting up. What lunatic was at your door at 2:30 in the morning? Being broken into was the last thing you needed.

You were so stuck in your thoughts you didn’t hear footsteps make their way over to your room and open the door.

“Can I come in?”

You didn’t bother turning. Didn’t even reply.

You heard the creek of your bed dip as you figured he sat down. You bed was right next to you desk, so he was sitting not far behind your chair.

“I saw your texts.” He started softly, “And I know you heard me. Yachi told me you left after I had asked if she’d seen you. Kyoko said you seemd upset and I knew you had listened in. I couldn’t sleep, and with the eye bags you come in with every morning I thought you’d might be awake.”

You removed your hands but kept you head on the desk facing down. You couldn’t find the energy to reply. He continued.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voiced questioned with a hint of concern, “Is all of this… Has this been what you’ve been dealing with all this time?”

He picked up some papers in the stack closest to him. You hummed a noise of affirmation.

He sighed, “Look. Im sorry. I guess all the adrenaline from the game got to my head and I said things I didn’t necessarily mean. It’s more of… I just missed you. Okay.”

You turned your head to look at him. He looks back at you.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Wow. I pour the little words I can from my heart to you and this is the thanks I get.” He replied.

You chuckled and rubbed your eyes. “I missed you, too.”

He got up from the bed and stood behind you, leaning down to hug you and rested his head on your collar.

“Take a break.” He mumbled.

“I’d love to, but these papers-”

“We can figure out the papers in the morning. You need rest. And I need my dork back.” He smiled.

“Oh shut up you.” You chuckled at his statements.

“I will when you take a break.” He sighed at you.

You stared at your work load and contemplated. But you were so tired you couldn’t think properly. Your boyfriend noticed and took the chance to start nudging you off the chair and guided you to bed. You laid down and he joined you, snuggling and he wrapped his arms around your torso.

As you drifted to sleep, you discarded the workload of those who couldn’t do the work for themselves. Don’t wake us up, we got nothing for you.

Yeah.

Maybe this can work.

There aint no love

like our love.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #haikyuu!!#haikyū!!#tsukishima x you #tsukishima #tsukishima kei #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima scenarios #tsukishima fluff #hq tsukishima #haikyuu tsukishima #tsukishima kei x you

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celestemagnoliathewriter · 6 months

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Hey, I love the way you analyze characters and show both their flaws and their lovable traits. I was wondering what are your thoughts about Mad-Eye Moody being Teddy’s Godfather?

I always felt that Alastor had a soft spot for Tonks (which Tonks loved to tease that she’s his favorite trainee) and that their bond was one of the strongest he’s ever had with a fellow Auror, even if he wants to deny his affection towards Tonks.

I understand having Harry as Godfather, don’t get me wrong I love that. But, do you think Mad-Eye would’ve accepted that responsibility? Or would he feel like he’s putting a huge target on Teddy’s back solely because of being one of the best Auror? I don’t know why but I can picture Alastor “big-tough, most fierce Auror,” trying to hold back tears as he holds Teddy Lupin in his arms for the first time, of course Tonks teasing him on this.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, if you’d like of course 😊

I hope you have a great day!

Thank you so much for this ask @nena-96!

I would LOVE Mad-Eye as Teddy's godfather. Narratively, it makes sense why Harry is his godfather. When we look at the story from Harry the hero's POV, then yes, he's the only candidate that makes sense.

When the world isn't centered around him as the hero and there's an AU in which Mad-Eye survives, I could see Tonks choosing Mad-Eye to be Teddy's godfather, but it would be a hard sell for Remus, and it would also overlook the role Harry played in sending Remus back to his family.

I agree that Tonks and Mad-Eye had a warmer relationship than most. It's telling that Mad-Eye is considered the most grizzled Auror of all, he's got this reputation for putting all these Death Eaters behind bars, and yet Tonks gets to tease him and she gets away with it.

Mad-Eye would take the role of godfather seriously. Teddy couldn't have had a bigger target on his back than Harry, and Mad-Eye isn't as 'dangerous' as Harry. Post-war, AU in which the story isn't Harry POV and Mad-Eye lives, Mad-Eye, like so many others, would be celebrated as war heroes.

Mad-Eye would have a soft spot for Teddy Lupin. Some people get softer in their old age, and I think you could make the case that Mad-Eye does, given his demeanor around Tonks. I also imagine him being grumpy around a lot of people but when he becomes a godfather (more like a grandfather tbh) he'd be very proud and a huge softie, but only in hidden moments that people like Tonks would get to see.

That being said, I don't necessarily see Tonks picking Mad-Eye first for godfather. Harry makes the most sense narrative-wise - he brings the family back together, and things come full circle for him. Given a different environment - maybe if Mad-Eye hadn't died, Remus might've gone to him for help? Maybe Mad-Eye would've been chosen, or Kingsley? If Sirius were alive, I would imagine Sirius would be godfather over all the other options.

But because the story is told from Harry's POV, it had to be Harry. I do love Grandpa Mad-Eye though - regardless of whether or not Ted Tonks lives, Remus's father is likely not in the picture, and even if he is, Teddy's going to have an army of people who love him.

#asks #send asks #teddy lupin #nymphadora tonks #mad eye moody #alastor moody #remus lupin

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leonsliga · 3 months

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Bri I know you're just as invested in bayern. So my question is though I know it's just a football match it's so hard to not be so sad and embarrassed by this loss today and disheartened by the strong possibility that we might go trophyless today.

No meisterschale celebration in lederhosen on the munchen balcony.

To the rest of the world we're the villains surely and the protagonist everyone is rooting for now is leverkusen and xabi.

But i feel so consumed by this disappointment. Welp.

I’m right there with you anon 😭💔 caring deeply for a club is a double-edged sword, isn’t it? The victories fill you up like nothing else, but emotional involvement like ours also leaves us vulnerable to the heartbreak of defeats—and nothing has the power to crush you quite like a defeat.

It’s been almost a day now since we lost against Leverkusen, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt just as much today as it did last night. Truth be told, it’s been a while since I’ve taken a defeat this hard. I can almost feel it physically, like a throbbing pain that just won’t go away. It sounds like it’s the same way with you.

I think a big part of what makes this result so difficult to swallow is that with Bayern, we expect the exceptional. For more than a decade, they’ve been making it all look so easy. Every year ends the same glorious way, with our heroes presenting the Meisterschale to us on Marienplatz. We’ve been spoiled with success, I know, but that doesn’t make it any less hard when that promise of the Meisterschale is threatened.

It doesn’t help that, like you said, to pretty much the rest of the Bundesliga, we’re the villains. We have been for a long time, and I can understand that; we’ve enjoyed an 11-season unbeaten streak. And in comes Leverkusen, the scrappy hero that finally has the chance to knock us, the unshakable Rekordmeister, off our perch. And who doesn’t love an underdog? Well, us 😭 and it’s hard not to feel alone in that—to feel as though the heartbreak and disappointment can swallow you whole. I feel that way too. But the great thing about Bayernblr is that we all have each other and we’re all in the same boat. Even when the rest of the world is against us, we can always lean on each other 🫂

I keep trying to remind myself there’s still hope. Leverkusen could come down with a particularly nasty case of injury fever…ya never know. But maybe that’s just the denial talking.

I wish I had some words of wisdom—something to make this awful feeling go away—but I don’t. What I can say is that you’re certainly not alone in this, and regardless of what the end of the season has in store, if there’s anything we can count on with Bayern, it’s that every defeat only makes them stronger. They’ll find a way to rise from the ashes sooner or later; I have to believe that.

#anon 💖#sending you a big bear hug 🫂#we’ll get through this ok? even if in means we’re crying in the fetal position for the rest of the season 😭😵#fc bayern #fc bayern munich #fc bayern münchen #my asks #football asks

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vurlient · 3 months

Text

TW: body dysmorphia ;_;

(Currently having an art block, so here’s what I’d like to share. Maybe you guys can get something off of this, it’s just my personal experience though, but I’d really appreciate it if it does)

A wordy, self realization, I guess:

Growing up I’ve always disliked physical touch, or specifically, at least not wanting to be hugged. I often feel uncomfortable knowing my body is so close to, say, a friend or a family member. Pressing my own skin and weight, leaning into theirs, felt like another reminder that’s like “oh wow, this is what it actually feels like being hugged” to “I wonder if my body feels comfortable enough for them”.

All my life, I’ve always been so self conscious about my body image. From being chubbier than my sibling, becoming skinner, then becoming chubbier again. Please, please understand that being ‘chubby’ or ‘fat’ is not a negative, in fact, it’s healthy, and normal! I just want to emphasize that.

It’s just that in my case, I was young and gullible. (8yrs old), at first I didn’t really mind the comments or words that people throw at me, from my classmates, teachers, and other relatives. They were just saying those words lightly, harmless in a way. Then I continued growing up, with my friends, they also started changing, puberty and stuffs. It hit me hard knowing that my body is constantly changing, I felt like a blob of mesh, like my body playing the dice with the number of my own weight. Didn’t want to look at the mirror, using old photos of myself, too embarrassed to take new pictures. I hid the fact that this stemmed a self hatred against myself, accepting that I will never truly achieve the ‘supposed look’ like kids my age back then. Tall and proportionate.

I tried and tried to change my physical appearance, so much so that I begin to look for ways to instantly look good and to possibly feel good about myself. Started to play sports, and it did actually help manage my weight, then the pandemic started. Moved to a new town, drafted off my trainings, just to be overwhelmed by my own thoughts, again.

Often what comes to their mind, when they think of me, it’s someone who’s just a teeny bit overweight. I was ashamed of hearing that, never got the motivation to love myself for being only that. I slowly looked up celebrities/artists/etc who have at least some similarities with my situation, gave me a bit of hope, but regardless I never had the confidence like them. I started to meet new people, knowing them, getting close to them, and together expressing our own situations, emotions and interests.

I felt heard, and simply just understood, it kind of isolated me from my thoughts you know? I guess it just takes a lot of time for me to absorb advices, especially when it comes to my body image. It was never easy for me to accept that everything changes, I instead resorted to blaming myself because I think why I do about things. But gradually, I learned a thing or two and just further improve myself, maybe find new hobbies, interests, talents, whatever I could get my hands on. I distracted myself from thinking intrusive thoughts, and I just really wanted to feel comfortable with myself. On the internet, watching shows/medias, finding characters who I can relate to.

Right now, I am still in the process of loving myself, I am thankful that I had people who were always there to listen, throughout my vents and ranting... Taking notes of my weight, eating and working out and stuff.

(just a 15y 5’0 guy currently 47kg)

Everyday shouldn’t be always sunshines and rainbows, some days you’d wanna just lash out and cry, and that’s normal.

It’s never late to love yourself, people will care and will love you, even if you think otherwise. There are a lot of things you can be great at, maybe not at that one thing you always wanted, but you will eventually. I learned things the hard way, and it’s unhealthy, everyone is important, their emotions are too.

If you’re wondering, if I had anorexia, I don’t, I never wanted to. (But even if I did, most people in my country wouldn’t think of it as a serious disorder way back.) I didn’t want to waste my parent’s cooking, and didn’t want to bother them.

Alright, it’s a long read, but thanks for taking the time reading this. I really do appreciate it. Mutuals or not, I wholeheartedly thank you.

#tw: body dysmorphia #i’m shaking and trembling as i typed this out hdbfbfbf

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xxsycamore · 1 year

Text

—𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘈 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴 𝘕𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵

► SYNOPSIS:

Jin has a point to prove to his brothers, so he shows up at the Christmas party with you by his side, introducing you as his girlfriend - an actual, serious relationship for once!

With complicated feelings forming in your heart, you consider being the main reason why his plan fails.

UPDATE: Part two of this can now be found here! - Yours For New Year's Morning

▍jin x reader (not belle!) ▍rating: G ▍tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship; Christmas Party; Reader is not Belle; Drama; Ambiguous/Open Ending ▍wordcount: 1,732

▍masterlist

▍a/n: Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates! Regardless if you do or not, I'm wishing you a great day today and I hope you can enjoy this fic! ❤

Written for mine and @voltage-vixen’s ‘Tis The Season For Love challenge!

PROMPT: Being the MC/LI's fake date for a Christmas party/ball

"Oh, this? This is my girlfriend. Be sure to treat her well."

Jin makes a show of casually getting himself a drink from the nearby table, his curiosity about his brothers' reaction barely hidden as he tries not to eye them from the corner of his eye. You free yourself from Jin's (too tight) grasp in order to do a curtsy and introduce yourself to them more properly.

"Girlfriend? Is this how you call your one night stands now?"

"Jin, don’t fool the poor girl. She seems like a decent one."

"Whatever, I'm going to the dessert table."

Jin's previous posture reeking of triumph is quick to deflate as a vein protrudes on his forehead.

"C'mon, you don't have to be assholes on Christmas. She's my actual girlfriend! You're being awfully disrespectful towards her!"

Seeing that even his closest brother Leon shrugs as he lifts his own glass to his lips, Jin feels defeated. He's tired of playing the role of the supportive big brother for everyone but then they apparently feel free to turn their back on him. And here he was, thinking that he'd prove a point - thinking that they'd finally change their opinion about him, seeing that he is in a serious relationship for once.

He clicks his tongue as you ignore him for Luke, who is currently assigning you a dessert judged on what you told him about your preferences for sweets. Truth to be told, the young prince is doing a better job at entertaining you than your actual date - and he has his cheeks stuffed half of the time while talking to you! It should be clicking for Jin already that you're not very impressed of the little show he put up, and you're done playing your part.

Jin forgoes getting himself a dessert for the time being, even if his expression is turning sourer and sourer with each passing second. As an answer to your uninterested glare, he removes himself from your sight.

You spot him flirting with some girls on the terrace, and strangely enough, it bothers you. It must be because, well, opposed to what he might have thought, you actually took your role as his date seriously - so much, that the scene hurt a little. No, it's not your heart that hurts, but your pride - at that moment, you're even worse than those girls that surround the eldest prince.

At the end of the night they might get something out of it - something you're definitely not interested in - while you're left on your own in a world you don't belong to, filled with glamour and uncomfortable shoes and polite laughter muffled behind a gloved hand… You're never doing this for everyone again, be it the most loyal customer of your tavern, a royalty, or even the damn future king of Rhodolite.

You only accepted this humiliation because, in your eyes, Jin was humiliating himself more than you do right now, that one night some time ago. He had his eyes on you, but interestingly enough, he didn't aim to get you in his bed - at least that's what he says - claiming that, instead, you'd be perfect to play his pretend date. You offered him to finish the rest of the ale barrel in exchange for you attending that Christmas ball as his girlfriend, granted that he can pay for it, too. You knew he'd fail. The more he drank, the more he opened up - and his purple-haired buddy seemed to be enjoying the spectacle.

You came to know that Jin is wealthy enough to propose paying for the tables of the whole tavern. You also came to know some spicy details about his life after midnight that you didn't ask about.

Oh, and, that he is a prince.

This guy is hopeless you thought back then, hearing him babble something about noone else being fit for the job of being his pretend date, because all of them would come back running to him the next morning with demands. For someone who is such a player, you didn't expect him to send girls home after one night. But, whatever, it has nothing to do with you.

You agreed out of pity. It was getting very late and he truly almost downed everything; he even left enough money for you to close the tavern for a week without significant financial losses.

Now that you see him flirting to his heart's content at the terrace, visibly having forgotten all about your existence, you're not feeling a tad of pity towards him. You didn't care who his brothers were, you wanted to do something and you wanted to do it now.

You made sure they're all present when you called for Jin in a feigned sweet and polite tone. Out of curiosity in your change of tone, they actually came closer - the most drama-loving ones way closer than others who kept their distance.

For a moment, they might've wondered if they're going to witness a reveal of an engagement or something, between you and Jin. It made your grin wider.

Looking at a puzzled Jin, you raise your glass as if in a toast - then splash the contents all over Jin's clothes.

"I'm sorry to whoever is left disappointed, but between me and the first prince there is nothing. I thus sincerely hope your brother learns how to treat women right. Thank you for your time."

And then you turn and leave, getting yourself one last mini pastry from the dessert table.

As much as you wanted to see Jin's defeated expression one last time tonight, you give up after you witness the one who introduced himself as Nokto giving a pouch of gold coins to the purple haired one, muttering something about losing a bet. You knew this whole family was filled with assholes, with small exceptions.

You walk out of the hall and down the stairs that lead to the exit, and the music grows quiet behind your back. Finishing the pasty in two bites, you sadly discover that all the sugar in it isn't enough to wash down the bitterness in your mouth. Hugging your arms to yourself, you brace yourself for meeting with the freezing night's weather outside and you curse the piled up snow that gets in the way between you and the opportunity to finally kick off the annoying high-heeled shoes.

"Hey, wait!"

And you bet you could've run away from this jerk way faster without the heels, too!

"What do you want, Jin?"

"I'm sorry, I know you probably never want to see me again." Jin starts, huffs of warm breath escaping his mouth as if he's ran a mile. For someone as careless as he is - at least that's what you thought - he is being actually considerate of not overstepping the boundaries of your personal space, removing himself from it with a step backwards when he notices he's too close. You might as well listen to what he has to say before you two part ways.

"Thank you for coming here."

"Your plan was a total failure and I helped for that."

Taking another step away from him and closer to the exit, you realize what's hanging above the doors.

"You asshole! I knew you weren't so kind to simply come see me off-"

"Wh-" Jin follows where your gaze just darted to, a mistletoe hanging above the doors, and his eyes widen, blush suddenly coloring his cheeks. "No, you got it wrong, I wasn't intending to-"

As you crossed the threshold, Jin mindlessly followed you outside - but then you turn around and hold him at the entrance. The warmth of his cheeks is as evident in color as it is evident to the touch, as your lips plant a kiss on his side.

"Here, now you have no reason to chase after me. I know you normally go all the way, but you only get a kiss from tonight's catch. Now you can cross me from your list."

Jin stands dumfounded, unable to do anything at all if you were to run away right this instant, anything more than simply watch you go. But you linger for a little longer, your lips stupidly curling in a smile.

"Merry Christmas, Jin. I hope you learn how to treat women right."

Snow crunches under your feet, and you promise yourself not to look back - at Jin, or at the palace that you likely won't get to see so close ever again. But just as you thought he had no comebacks for you, you hear him shout.

"I told them we'll be together for New Years!"

"What?!"

You do a half-turn before Jin strides to your side, and you practically fulfil your promise of not looking back… but that doesn't make things any better. Jin and you walk side by side towards the lined up carriages and you simply stare at him, waiting for answers.

"My brothers. I told them we simply had a fight and that they are going to see you again on New Year's… I don't know if they believed me, though." He opens the door of one carriage for you, gesturing you in as he sees that you're frozen in place, "What, do you think I'm going to let you go home on your own at this hour?"

"Jin, there is no way they're going to fall for it twice-"

"Is that a yes?"

Once inside, you gaze at him, his face hidden in the dark part of the carriage where lamplight doesn't penetrate. Yet his reddish-brown eyes seem to shine as they stare back at yours with the optimism of a fool. You note that Jin almost seems…pretty, up this close. No wonder why women fall for his tricks.

"You might as well take shifts at the tavern at this point.

"Alright, Boss. I happen to be free tomorrow morning, I'll come around."

You watch his exchange with the coachman and slump against the window settling for the ride, seeing that it has started snowing outside. You can't believe you kissed this guy a few minutes ago.

"What, aren't you a prince? You must have every morning free."

"Oh please, you have no idea what it is like! You met every one of my brothers, right? Let me tell you how we rank from most to least likely to slack off."

"I didn't ask."

Taglist: @arsnovacadenza @ale-teodora @kimi00twin @otomelady @privilegedpancake @g-kleran @pumpumnnnp @thesirenwashere @ravenarld @kimmy-banana @devonares @animeworldsposts @randomanimatedhusbandoseeker @galaxyprison @sadshaxk @starshards26 @pro-cat-stination @acethephoenix256 @ikevamp-shrine-2 @nad-zeta @crystal13unny @keen19thcenturygoatsstudent @lordsister @ikemen-banshou @themysticalbeing @canaria-blackwell @otome-scribbles @rhodolitesrose @coornn @kpop-and-otome @queen-dahlia2 @kisara-16 @chaosangel767 @ikemenlibrary @queengiuliettafirstlady @aurora-morning @aquagirl1978 @ikemenlover24 @violettduchess @mcofthemansion @tiny-wooden-robot @joy-the-reader @katriniac @ikemen-prince-writers-posts @atelieredux @moonstruck-writing @aceuuuuu let me know if you want to be tagged/untagged!

#Ikemen Prince #ikepri #ikemen prince jin #ikepri jin #jin grandet #ikemen jin #ikemen series #ikeseries #cybird #'tis the season for fluff #'tis the season for love content creation challenge #'tis the season for love #ikemen prince fanfiction #ikepri fanfiction

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lawlznet · 4 months

Text

State of the Meme 2023

Content Warnings: Depression, Death, SH, Hatred, a lot of self deprecation What follows is an explanation and also rant about why I haven’t been online for this entire month. If you’d just like to skip down to what I’m planning to do in 2024, scroll all the way down to where the line break is.

---

Hey everyone, Lawler here. This is the “State of the Meme” for 2023 and for the purposes of this post, I will be speaking out of character; as myself, not the vtuber.

This has not been a good year for me and it is with bated breath that I look forward to the next one. As some of you may be aware, my father fell ill in late September, suffering cardiac arrest and other diagnoses besides. His chances of survival, much less recovery, were slim given his age and the extent of his complications, but in a series of miracles that I hope to not take for granted for the remainder of his, and my, natural life, he recovered enough to be transferred to a nursing home, and then back to our home. Few of his complications remain and we optimistically foresee him returning to his “pre-accident” state sometime halfway next year. In the days since he returned, around the week of my birthday in early December, he has already recovered enough to move around the house on his own- to feed himself (via a tube connected to his stomach), to prepare his own medications, and to slowly retake ownership of household duties that had fallen to me in the months passed- paperwork and such. Prior to this blog post, it was nearly impossible for me to find time away from assisting him; even our previously late evening streams or early morning and afternoon were not a sure bet, and in fact I had to cancel my participation in a stream on my birthday for this reason.

It is with cautious optimism that things may stabilize enough in my household, to where I could possibly return to vtubing with the regularity I afforded before.

But before that can happen, I have a number of things to talk about first.

I feel like I’ve walked with death all the course of my life, and that does not just include attending one too many funerals for family members, both young and old, or that of friends and acquaintances whom either had theirs taken, or had taken their own. I generally treat the concept as the great unifier of all people, regardless of race, creed, sexuality, or any other descriptor we may use to divide ourselves from one another. It is the one great certainty and on some level, I like to think that I give the concept more weight than most.

Then I find myself spending hours doomscrolling, consuming thread after thread of outrage over strangers I had never met, and only learned hours before. A-drop-in-a-bucket hot celebrity name does something immensely stupid, either intentionally or unintentionally, and I join the lamentation that someone with so much apparent wealth and status can afford to be so flippant. Sometimes I’ll even repost OP or bits and pieces of the thread, telling myself that these individual statements, crammed into 280 or 300 characters, are somehow so poignant so as to redeem the discussion; and that by not mentioning their names, I am somehow not adding to the problem.

The problem of using my platform to further magnify people who we spend a whole lot of words discussing as “evil...” and for what?

Is it fun? Do I feel better about myself? Does anyone, besides the subject, benefit from my “contribution?”

No.

I was depressed before I burned those hours away. My employment is shaky and in a side universe I might have been laid off. I rarely have time for myself anymore that isn’t in the wee hours before getting out of bed or the minutes before falling asleep from exhaustion. And I chose to spend it on reading about how someone I claim I don’t care about did something “horrible,” or at least mildly uncomfortable- about how a country somewhere is doing bad things to people they claim are bad, or “as bad,” or, nowadays, without any sort of justification- and when I’m not doom-consuming, I complain to myself that I don’t have enough time for anything.

That I hate everything.

And well,

I’m not wrong.

But I’ve had this conversation before. I’ve complained about it before, online and on social media and in private discords, and I’ve even, in my continuing hypocrisy, chided others about it. I might try to make myself feel better by telling myself, “oh, well you see...”

“Social media is a ‘necessary part of my job.’”

“You *must* expose yourself to constant, attention grabbing toxicity, and participate in its accumulation- its dissemination, its detached, virtue signaling, people pleasing, mock-outrage generating content creation.”

As opposed... to someone who just, reads reddit, screengrabs accounts with sub two digit readership with obnoxiously bad takes, watches political discourse tiktoks and uncited youtube video essays; yes, you see, surely these people and their misery are entirely *self* inflicted, as opposed to myself, who is “mandatorily” victimized, right?

It’s bullshit.

I hate it.

And so it follows that I must *also* hate myself.

Because I participated in it.

So,

I’m going to try to stop.

Prior to this I never publicized, but internally created some rules for how I interact with this “content” and the people who produce it. Most, I believe, are not intentionally malicious. We are just the successful products of an inherently evil industry; living proof that everything is working exactly as intended.

The only way out is to break the cycle, and in order to do so... I almost always avoid, and if necessary mute, or block, anyone who:

1) Makes generalizing, sweeping statements of an entire group of people,

2) Issues ultimatums on their public facing social media accounts,

3) Anyone who regularly disparages any group of people, especially people whom they are supposed to be a part of- e.g. anyone who regularly harps about “how terrible the vtuber community is,” without the slightest bit of introspection.

For the sake of my own mental stability and to gradually wind down my own involvement in making the internet a worse place, I have decided that beginning in 2024, I will:

1) Reduce or completely eliminate reposting, replying to, or commenting on, any political or negative thread of which I am not directly or indirectly involved, or are not a subject matter expert or hobbyist.

2) Remove all feeds, block or ignore all search terms, and avoid discussing or entertaining any of the above subjects in any capacity outside of private conversations.

3) If necessary, mute, unfollow, or block accounts which only seem to exist to further spread the above content.

As some of you know, I am a cyberpunk influencer and consider myself a “cyberpunk” outside of my online personas. I’ve also recently dipped my toes into the world of Linux and am eager to dive into the worlds of cybsec and opsec beyond browser addons and lists of FOSS programs. I’ve been into this subculture for the majority of my life and I don’t see that changing anytime soon; nor will I censor content that I deem directly or inherently related.

There’s a sheer cliff of difference between merely complaining about celebrities and a toxic online culture and explaining not just how, but *why* it is in your best interest to avoid or defeat these things. Within weeks of a certain major social media website’s fall from grace, a number of user created addons were developed to make said website’s use tolerable (OldTwitter by Dimden as an example); Youtube’s attempts at forcing adblock users to turn off their extensions ironically vastly improved these extensions (uBlockOrigin), and both of these addons, in addition to their “obvious” case use, have further ramifications for the end user than simply complaining about Former Billionaire 9000 and The Evil Company.

For one thing, it’ll save you money in the form of not clicking on malicious advertisements or shelling out a monthly subscription for something you could have gotten for free. But I digress.

These changes are a long time coming, and I apologize to the people whom I long promised I would “avoid” these things... only to return to them when it was convenient, or when I told myself that “this is a special exception,” or when I didn’t care, when I should have. You know who you are.

I’ll most likely fuck up again and find myself having this conversation with myself or in the illusory safety of a chatroom.

But you see... I’m in my mid thirties. And while its true that I have these conversations with myself and others, all the time, and I regularly beat myself up and hate myself for my participating in the “culture,” the truth is... every day, I am more and more grimly reminded, of what little time I have to do things I actually want with my life.

Of how my perception of time seems to be speeding up. Of how little potential time I fear I might have. I don’t just mean the possibility of the Four Horsemen riding and causing such an orgy of misery that will make the last ten years look like Christian cis heteronormative missionary with clothes on and the lights off. I mean the fact that it is atypical for my household to travel to family gatherings in individual vehicles, and that on that evening in September, it was only through sheer chance that we decided to attend my niece’s birthday party individually- that my mother had to be hospitalized for an illness herself, and that I, for reasons I don’t even remember, chose to drive on my own. If this had been any other evening, my father may have had a heart attack while we were all together in the family SUV. On a highway.

And as spooky as that scenario is, every time I get on the road, or even walk down my own street, I think about the possibility of dying. Maybe someone’s in a hurry and wasn’t paying attention while merging onto my lane. Maybe someone’s drunk. Maybe someone needed a twenty and thought they’d rob this weirdo walking around the streets at night and weren’t expecting a fight. Even when you set aside all the political, worldly garbage that trad-media constantly shits down the throat of an unwilling (and sometimes masochistic) boomer populace, you aren’t guaranteed whatever illusion of stability and peace you have right here and now. It could change as easily as the wind blows. And I think I am so tired... of burning so much of my life on shit that has done little for me except to make me upset, when I could have so much, much more to be upset about in the next few minutes.

I walk with death every minute of my life.

If possible, I’d like my last memory to be doing something I actually give a crap about. Or talking with, or about someone that I admire or care about. I don’t think I ever thought those experiences were a waste of time.

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Thank you for reading this far. And now, for changes that actually apply to my “real” content moving forward... (as in, actually applies to you because last I checked, I’m a vtuber, not a vtweeter or a vskeeter or whatever the shit they call it these days...) I’ve worked in corporate for too long. Even if it’s a long shot or doesn’t make that much money, I really feel like a career in the entertainment and art-space is a better occupation to strive for than pushing paper in the universally and permanently depressing healthcare industry.

I’ll keep streaming video games and fighting games will always be part of that routine, but for reasons I don’t understand, I’ve neglected first person shooters. That changes now. (I hope the kind of Doom y’all like are the video game kinds.)

I am in the process of dipping my toes into youtube short form videos and will be uploading some cringey garbage to just about everywhere except Twitter, because of changes to their terms of service which potentially gives total ownership of my IP to the website. Fuck that.

I miss virtual reality.

Those vroid comics take a ridiculously long time to make but god do I enjoy doing it.

I am greatly reducing my usage of Twitter, Bluesky, and Mastodon, aside from announcement posts. Twitter is nearly unusable even with a subscription and unlike Bluesky and Mastodon (which... are basically the same thing) are bereft of the tools necessary for curating my experience and Making Me Less Wanting To Kill My Self. So yeah, Fuck Twitter. But what else is new.

I don’t know what I was thinking when I designed this blog the way I did and by the time you read this, I’ve probably reset it to be a lot easier to read on the eyes, at the cost of not looking as “cool.” I’m going to be making fiction writing a priority again. I have some vtuber tabletop campaigns to write up and then to run.

If I don’t successfully finish in time for Christmas and New Year’s, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

I don’t have a timeline of when I’ll be able to stream consistently again. Thank you for your patience with me.

Love,

Lawler Hix

#lawler hix #state of the meme #update #announcement #vent #rant #vtuber #envtuber

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